00:00:00
Jim Jeff from Australia. From Australia. >> Is that your best Australia? A Australia
00:00:07
can't really be too hard. You have to be very casual about it. >> Um, >> there was an Australian TV show called A
00:00:13
Place called Home. And when I watch that, I had a perfect Australian accent. And then if I don't hear it, I don't,
00:00:18
you know, or I could try it now. They sort of flatten their vibes. Everything goes down like that. Lassie and Jim
00:00:25
Jeff. >> Yeah. Jim Jeff. Good. great time a lot. I see him a lot at the comedy store. We
00:00:32
uh [ __ ] backstage and uh >> got a big following out there. So >> huge standup a lot of stories that are
00:00:40
completely bananas and >> so caught us off guard with a few and one about his dad is crack up and uh
00:00:48
>> but I'm excited. Uh you're excited and >> here he is Jim Jeff. >> Jim Jeff. >> I'm very thankful. Is we already
00:00:58
started? Is this started? >> No, we we're half to be honest. We're >> we don't have any structure or
00:01:06
introduction or anything, but we'll do all that later >> content or anything. >> Well, see, I've met David I've met David
00:01:12
many times before and I've never I've met you in passing, Dana, but I'm I'm a big fan, mate. I'm I'm very excited to
00:01:18
do >> I saw you go crush. We met at John Loveitz's comedy club, right? >> That's correct. That's correct. That's
00:01:25
correct. a while back and you were kind of unassuming. You had your accent and everything, whatever. And it was a kind
00:01:31
of a rough room because that high high stage and everything, but then you >> three stories.
00:01:37
>> Then you killed and I go, "God, this [ __ ] guy, man. >> That's Thank you." >> I don't know when that where that was.
00:01:45
>> Yeah. Jeff is uh that's you power powerful and and funny. Uh, I was going to ask you that like you
00:01:55
you were one of the first that really walked outside stepped outside the lines in some of your early specials like
00:02:01
>> Yeah. >> And I comedians love it because I don't do that but I love when I see someone
00:02:06
who's literally saying exactly what they want to say without any censorship. It's
00:02:12
very you do it. >> I I I think the thing that for me early on was um just saying [ __ ] a lot was the
00:02:18
big difference from the American act. I've always said I'm the Rosa Parks of the Seawword, right? Because before No,
00:02:25
before >> a lot of people are saying that. A lot of people >> before me there was a restriction. You
00:02:31
couldn't you couldn't say it in the comedy club. There was you could say whatever you want. So my first comedy
00:02:34
special for HBO, I swear to God, right? I swear to God, uh had a light at the back of the room and it was a 15minute
00:02:42
mark. You know know how us comics we normally have a light when we have 5 minutes left, right, to get off the
00:02:47
stage. I don't know if many people know that, but that's what we We have a light
00:02:50
at the end of the room to tell us when to get off the stage. I had a light that at 15 minutes lit up and that meant I
00:02:55
was allowed to say the word [ __ ] because Netflix because cuz uh HBO said to me uh
00:03:01
uh the ratings go in 15-minute increments. We want people to like you. We don't want them to turn off in the
00:03:06
first 15 minutes. So, you can't say the C word for the first 15 minutes. So, I had a light at the back and at 15
00:03:11
minutes I say, "Aren't pandas a bunch of cunts?" And then I was off to the races.
00:03:15
>> Can I plummet the ratings now? >> Yeah, sure. question. Do are you like if an American hears
00:03:24
either a British or Australian accent saying the wood can't, you know, it's softer to our ears. Are you guys
00:03:31
enamored as Australia? Should I go down there and play little tiny clubs? Not like I'm a huge star anymore, but I
00:03:37
would play down there. Are they enamored by the way we our accents are? Like we are enamored of Australian and British
00:03:44
accents. >> The the short answer is no. We're not. You are still the big star down there.
00:03:49
Your movies are massive. The the difference is we grew up watching your TV all the time. So we've we've seen
00:03:56
American sitcoms since that's why there's so many American Australian actors doing American accents in films
00:04:02
and not the other way, you know? So we we grew up watching which is weird because when I was growing up I was a
00:04:08
huge fan of like Wayne's World, right? Loved Wayne's World. Didn't know it was a sketch from SNL because we never had
00:04:14
SNL in Australia. that that was never a thing. So some of the movies that came out of SNL just seemed a little odd to
00:04:21
us because we didn't have a show. It's like >> it's like Mcruba. You were like what's
00:04:26
where's Mcgruba coming from? You know what I mean? >> Also, you thought G was a real guy that
00:04:33
just had done like 10 movies and now he's doing Wayne's World and you're like oh that G guy is pretty funny.
00:04:39
I had I had a sitcom back in the day on FX and uh it went for two seasons and it
00:04:45
was just about me taking >> Welcome to Cuntville. >> Yeah, that was the one. It was called It
00:04:49
was called It It was called Legit and Legit was about me taking care of a disabled guy which was vaguely based on
00:04:56
my real life. We almost had a season 3, but season three, the whole entire arc of season 3 that I'd written out, Dana
00:05:05
Carvey was the main character and I was going to ask you to be in the show and you were going to play yourself. The
00:05:11
plot line of the opening episode was I was taking care of my disabled friend the wheelchair. My character had become
00:05:17
famous u doing standup by the end of stand um season 2. I see your character, you doing an impersonation of me on a
00:05:24
late night show. I'm all coked up and I get upset and so I go over to your house
00:05:29
to confront you, but I I'm chicken so I can't knock on the door. So I get the [ __ ] out of the disabled guy's
00:05:35
wheelchair colosttomy bag and I put it into a paper bag and then we go up and we put it on the doorstep to light it
00:05:42
and do the classic, you know, light the dog [ __ ] run away, but we forget to knock on the door and your house burns
00:05:48
down. And that's the whole season arc from then on that that I'm your only friend and you're sleeping on my couch.
00:05:53
And I hadn't even really met you at that stage. But if you didn't take it, I was
00:05:56
going to ask David to do the role. I had options. >> I'll do it. >> Wow. And that [ __ ] picked up for season.
00:06:04
>> Extraordinary. >> Yeah. Burning down Dana Ky's house did not get picked up. >> And they go quickly. Any other just
00:06:10
quick pitches for season 3 or is that the one we're going with? >> I I've got full scripts. I wrote the
00:06:17
whole thing out. I thought it was a good premise. >> By the way, the weirder the better. I
00:06:21
say like some of these shows are too by the book and you just can figure them all out. If you start that way, I'm in.
00:06:28
>> Well, the the first the f the first episode of season one was just me taking a disabled guy to a brothel, which is
00:06:34
something I did in my real life. I had a friend with musculardrophe and before he
00:06:38
died, I took him to a brothel. And so, it's a sweet it's a sweet story, you know, he couldn't get laid. It's legal
00:06:44
in Australia, I should add that being disabled is legal and prostitution. And >> they finally passed being disabled.
00:06:51
Bill, >> I'm so glad. >> And we and I took him down to the brothel and and this guy this guy had
00:06:58
died a couple of times like his heart had given away and he'd been resuscitated. So me and his brother took
00:07:02
him down with the full knowledge that this might go tits up. You know what I mean? So we laid him down and then you
00:07:08
know the the the girl did what she did and then we put him back in the chair and then we went off and had a couple of
00:07:13
drinks and that was our day. Now, now I told the story to so many people. I made
00:07:17
a sitcom about the story. And then cut to a few years later. I see him and he's like, "Hey, you made a lot of money out
00:07:25
of that story." I said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did." He goes, "You should take me to the brothel again. It's only
00:07:29
fair." Right? So, I'm thinking, "This guy's going to get his second [ __ ] in his life. I'm going to do it." Right?
00:07:34
I'll take him again. And I went down and they all greeted him like he was Norm from Cheers. It turns out that
00:07:42
>> It turns out that he he gives this sob story to everyone as soon as he walked
00:07:46
in. They were all like, "Dan, >> by the way, was he disabled or do we know?" >> And does the wan work?
00:07:53
>> I don't know. >> Did his experience go I don't know how Australians think of this phrase. Did it
00:07:57
go tits up or not tits down? >> Tits down. I think tits down. She was on top. >> Tits down something you say or not?
00:08:05
>> No. No one says tits down. Tits up is when something goes badly. There's no tits down,
00:08:10
>> right? Yeah. Yeah, that's that's American tit. >> I think I think I think the term tits up
00:08:15
means that like a banana pill slip like and yeah up in the air. Tits up >> means it means bitic. I think
00:08:22
>> I want to Australian actors cuz I I've just noticed that they're not only >> good at American accents, they're
00:08:31
perfect. Yeah. And I star with Russell Crowe like immaculate. >> And uh I don't know why that is. And and
00:08:39
the Australian actors you send us all seem alpha alpha >> you know like no nobody's kind of like a
00:08:47
little guy or they're always seem to be kind of >> they bring men big hulky. You know
00:08:53
there's you know >> there's a third Hemsworth though that's a lot shorter who also is an actor.
00:08:58
There's the two main ones and there's a third one, but a >> tiny hands worth exist.
00:09:03
>> There's a and he's the eldest brother and he's the one who started acting first. He's really nice, but uh the
00:09:08
other two good-looking ones came along and went, "We'll have a go." >> Oh, he's not good looking either.
00:09:12
>> Well, he's good. No, he's he's good-looking by our standards, but not by as a Hemsworth, you know,
00:09:18
>> us. But against next to me, he looks just great. But uh I I'll tell you my my
00:09:25
one um Russell Crow story because you mentioned Russell Russell. >> You know all these guys.
00:09:30
>> All there's like 10 Australians, right? But you know you know the comedian David
00:09:34
Williams. >> Mhm. >> Uh Australian. >> No, he's a British. He's on Little Britain was his sketch show. Yeah.
00:09:44
>> Yeah. He's the judge of uh Britain's Got Talent or something like that. So we we
00:09:47
>> Oh, yes. Now I know exactly who you're talking about. Yeah. He's kind of pale.
00:09:51
really pale and kind of chub face. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, me I was me, David and uh and
00:09:57
Russell were going out to dinner and Russell lives at the end of this pier and in the harbor and on the bottom
00:10:05
story of the pier, all these fancy restaurants along Sydney Harour, right? They're all like lined up along Sydney
00:10:10
Harour. And so, we went down the lift. We started walking through the car park and so it's just a car park with a few
00:10:15
sort of like exit doors to different shops and stuff along the pit. And uh I said, "Well, what restaurant we going
00:10:22
to?" He goes, "Oh, we're going to this Chinese restaurant. I eat there once a week. It's one of the best Chinese
00:10:26
restaurants you'll ever go to. I'm telling you, try the duck." Right? So we we we walking along and then I go, "How
00:10:33
do we get into it?" He goes, "I just walk in through the back. They know me." Right? So we get to the door. Russell
00:10:39
just bashes through the door. He goes past, there's a bloke like washing dishes. Probably thinking it's someone
00:10:43
from ICE coming to get him, right? He's just washing dishes out the back. Then we go into like then we go into the
00:10:49
kitchen and there's like all the chefs in the in the clean bit, right? So Russell bounds through. He's way ahead
00:10:55
of us. Then me and David go in through the restaurant like this and we're like, "So sorry for coming in through the
00:11:00
back. We're very much looking forward to the meal. Thank you so much for having us. Really appreciate you." We get out
00:11:07
into the dining area and Russell's just staying there and he goes, "Wrong restaurant. I went a door early.
00:11:17
door early. And so it was like it was like the most famous man in Australia followed by the one of the second most
00:11:24
famous people in Australia by me and it just was a cavalcade of [ __ ] We had to
00:11:28
go back out in the street and walk out and come back in again. >> Anyway, he does a very good American
00:11:33
accent. >> He's a brilliant actor. I mean, he's >> he's one of the best actors you ever
00:11:38
seen. >> Master Commander, if anyone listening has never seen it, it's like a a miracle
00:11:42
of a movie. Russell Crowe in that the whole ship at sea. Have you seen it? >> I have seen it. Yeah, of
00:11:48
>> course. Yeah, >> it gets you seasick that film if you watch it in the cinema. There's a lot of
00:11:51
rocking around. >> Yeah, >> I think so. >> So, you're you're huge in the UK. I saw
00:11:58
your tour. So, you're what's the name of your tour? God >> Son of a Carpenter. My father's a
00:12:03
carpenter and it's just an easy reference point, but yeah, I'm Son of a Carpenter. I was not tried to say his
00:12:08
name. >> It is extraordinary. You're playing Istanbul. You're playing massive dates,
00:12:12
Manchester, all over Europe. >> Talk about >> what the [ __ ] >> Well, I I I I got my comedy chops in uh
00:12:20
Britain. I I I did most of my early work in the UK. I I I went to the UK 2001 and
00:12:26
sort of stayed there till 2010 and then I I moved to America. But uh the the British comedy circuit I think is the
00:12:33
best in the world because the cities are so close together. You're never getting
00:12:37
on an air airplane. You're going 50 miles Liverpool to Manchester, Manchester to Leeds. You can double up
00:12:43
in cities. You can start you can do an early spot in one city and then end up in you can start in one country. You can
00:12:49
start in Scotland and then finish in England for your night. You know what I mean? It's an interesting place.
00:12:53
>> I got to get count me in. >> But uh >> well, I can get you gigs. You two would
00:12:58
do all right. You'd do just fine. Don't worry about it. >> Well, what are we talking big big clubs
00:13:04
or small theaters or small arenas? big arenas. >> You could do I think you would do some
00:13:11
uh medium to large theaters, you know, but I like let's not book the O2 just yet, but let's see how the first two go.
00:13:17
>> You much want you'd rather sell it out than the the 10enters book you in something too huge. What's the biggest
00:13:24
room you will play on this tour? >> I have done the O2 before, but on this tour I'll do the Hammermith I'll do the
00:13:29
Hammersmith Apollo, which is like 4,000 and I probably will do two shows there. You know what I mean? Like I'm not
00:13:35
>> That's pretty juicy. Yeah, but that's like a nice room. And then there's the Manchester Repo. And then um I think
00:13:42
there's a gig in Amsterdam that's quite large that I'll do. I always do a right in Amsterdam. I've been gigging a lot in
00:13:47
Amsterdam for the last 20 years. It's just uh before weed was legal, I always used to accept gigs in Amsterdam. It's
00:13:54
like how It's like now that I'm a family guy, I always seem to find gigs in Hawaii out of nowhere that I
00:14:00
>> to take the family, right? >> Yeah. To take the family. Yeah. I take the family to Hawaii. Yeah. I sell like
00:14:05
500 tickets, but it's [ __ ] worth it because I get to go to Hawaii. >> What What culture as when you were at
00:14:11
your edgiest? And I was going to ask you if you've adjusted anything just because
00:14:15
you want to or you're still just as edgy. What What are What country accepted you? Was are the British looser
00:14:22
with this? Are we more Patrician? You know, >> the British were the loosest country for
00:14:28
comedy that I've performed in still to this day. I I've always said that like like everyone always goes, "What's the
00:14:34
difference between performing in the different continents and countries? Comedy's comedy. Laughs are all the
00:14:39
same, but the heckling changes." So, I believe that Americans try to correct you. If an America, if an American
00:14:46
heckles you, they're always like, "Hey buddy, I tell you what, my sister had blood." You know what I mean? They're
00:14:51
trying to get into an argument or prove you wrong. Um, Australians are trying to
00:14:55
trip you up. So, if you get close to a punch line, they'll just go, "AH, I'M A CUNT." and they'll just yell something
00:15:00
out so you just get off your speed a little bit. Delightful. >> Yeah, they're niggly little [ __ ]
00:15:04
right? And then um and then and then the British try to out joke you. They try to
00:15:11
say something funnier than there's there's a classic story, right, that um down at the London Comedy Store, uh Kurt
00:15:18
Douglas's, uh Michael Douglas's brother, Jeff Douglas or something, >> I don't know. One of the other Douglases
00:15:25
that was >> one of the other Douglases that was >> one of the other Douglases, Kurt
00:15:29
Douglas's son, he's having a bad He's having a bad gig at the London Comedy Store. He he starts getting booed or a
00:15:35
few jers or whatever. And so he tells them all to [ __ ] off and he goes, "You can all [ __ ] off. I don't need this. I'm
00:15:40
Kurt Douglas's son." And then another and then one person stood up and went, "I'm Kurt Douglas's son." And then
00:15:46
another person said, "I'm Kurt Douglas's son." And they did the entire scene from
00:15:49
Spartigus. The British The British are very good. They're very good. >> I have a quick story that involves the
00:15:57
the C word. So, um, Spartigus, right? >> Used to be cancer, but we're changing. >> So, I know we're going to set the
00:16:05
record. >> Anyway, this is so random and it'll amuse like three 3% of our audience. So,
00:16:11
uh, Kirk Douglas is in Spartacus and he's really kind of buff and, you know, muscular. Lawrence Olivier is in there.
00:16:17
So, the guy sees Lawrence Olivier. He's this famous old British actor, super famous. and he's doing leg presses
00:16:25
really hard. They go, "Oh, Larry, you're really working out." Yeah. He goes, "I'm
00:16:29
doing Spartacus and I don't want that [ __ ] cook Douglas out physicalize me." >> That's all I got.
00:16:40
>> That was a legitimate use of the word from a story I was told. >> Yeah, that's that's an historical use of
00:16:46
the Cword. >> Do you see Margot Robbie at icebergs a lot? >> Margot, what's iceberg? Oh, the
00:16:52
iceberg's a restaurant in Bondi. The f you know about icebergs. Jeez, you have >> Look at me. Look out, Dana. Look at you.
00:16:59
>> Where's Bondi? >> Bondi Beach is a a popular uh beach that's close to the city center in
00:17:06
Sydney, right? And sort of it's where all the British people get sunburnt and skin cancer over Christmas. Um but uh
00:17:12
there's a restaurant there that overlooks like a public pool. The public pool has ocean water that pours into it,
00:17:18
>> which is kind of interesting. It's a fancy It's a fancy restaurant. I've never I've never met Margo Robbie. I'm a
00:17:25
fan. I once was on I once was the other guest on Kimmel when Margot Robbie was on.
00:17:31
>> You know how like you're a guest on those shows, you never meet the other guests.
00:17:34
>> Yeah. You have to make a point of it because they're like somewhere else. You
00:17:37
don't even know where they are. >> Yeah. They're in a different dressing room and then you've come on then you
00:17:41
leave or they've already left and you're the second guest and then they they're already they're gone. Right. So So I've
00:17:47
been on like episodes of those shows. Bill Clinton was on one, never met him, you know, these these different people.
00:17:53
Um, but Margot Robbie was the other guest and so her dressing room was next to mine and I just sort of lingered in
00:17:59
the hallway just like acting like I was looking for something just cuz I'm Australian. I have an in, you know, I
00:18:06
could have gone, "Hey, >> you know how to linger? You can linger." >> She She would have accepted me saying
00:18:11
the C word in front of her. It would have been music to her ears. >> I'm a local. Don't you hate all these
00:18:16
Americans here? That's what I said. >> Exactly. I would have said something like that. But I tell you what, you got
00:18:21
to give it up. The Margo Robbie flying the Australian flag. Is there a is there a better person on if if the aliens came
00:18:29
down and they said, "Give us your two best." Not just looking, just your best human beings
00:18:34
>> and we gave them Hugh Jackman and Marggo Robbie. Come on now. You can't get better than those two.
00:18:40
>> That's true. >> Uh let's see. I'll see Hugh Jackman and Margot Robbie and raise you. Jennifer
00:18:47
Aniston and Russell Crowe. David, no. >> Russell Crowe is is he saying Australian
00:18:53
versus America? >> We're saying the two best humans. >> The two best humans we give to the
00:18:58
aliens to represent us to go this is what we've got. Okay. First of all, Russell can't bloody dance and tap dance
00:19:05
and stuff like he's not a >> That's true. He's a triple threat that Hugh Jack >> But he can sing. That guy can sing. He's
00:19:12
like your buddy Brad Pitt. We'll throw him in. >> Yeah. Brad Yeah. Well, Brad's Brad's
00:19:17
brilliant. Yeah, of course you you were talking about Brad off the air about how
00:19:21
what is he 61 or something like that. >> Mhm. >> And he still looks like the fact that we
00:19:26
have a 61year-old and I haven't seen the movie that we are going to watch a drive
00:19:31
a Formula 1 car and go, "Yep, that seems about right." Like >> Yeah. when they're forced to retire at
00:19:37
like 30. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He should He should He should have a bloody special pass for
00:19:41
the bus Brad Pitt at his age and he's going to be driving a Formula 1 car. Sure. And Brad and then Tom Cruz and
00:19:48
Mission Impossible. >> I saw Mission Impossible. Yeah. I got to co-sign that movie. It's brilliant. Tom
00:19:53
Cruz. >> I haven't seen the new one yet. It was >> was he in the submarine for too long?
00:19:57
Think, >> "Oh, it's the greatest movie ever." And then you're like, "Well, yeah." No, just
00:20:00
see it. Definitely see it. Yeah, it's very cool. You know, you don't want to overblow something. But as far as that,
00:20:05
like, you know, these people, they don't they take care of themselves. We were talking about that before the podcast.
00:20:10
the old old timey actors it was booze and cigarettes and they died around 60. So for you like you used to one of your
00:20:17
early specials >> but we just said we just said Brad Pitt was a smoker and Russell is a smoker and
00:20:24
people they're still smoking. They got some special they're getting blood put into
00:20:28
>> you're like the audience correcting us like >> Well that that's true but recovery you
00:20:33
know so I was going to because one of your early specials really made me laugh. The only one I ever saw do this a
00:20:38
little bit was Ricky Jery, but during the special, I don't know if there it's kind of like a set. You would wander
00:20:43
around and all of a sudden from behind something, you'd pick up another pint of beer. Yeah.
00:20:49
>> And I don't know how many beers you did throughout the special, but that's something I've never seen. I know you
00:20:53
stopped drinking, but do you look at those days as any kind of funniness or because to me it really got my attention
00:20:59
like when's the next time he's going to grab a magic beer? >> Okay. So, I didn't know that was going
00:21:05
to be a joke and I only ever did that for the special. I never did that for my normal shows. I normally used to have my
00:21:10
beers uh just on top of the box when I'm performing just ready to grab. But because with a special uh and I don't
00:21:16
know if I'm doing some inside baseball stuff here, mostly we record two uh uh u uh shows that night, edit it together or
00:21:25
just show the best one, right? Um and so they were they they edited in every pint
00:21:31
I had over two shows. So it did look like I had seven pints in 1 hour. >> Oh, >> right. So I can't take credit if I did
00:21:39
not have seven pints in 1 hour. Now the reason that they were behind the box was
00:21:44
for continuity because the pint the the level of the liquid going up and down and I'd be leaving empty glasses
00:21:51
everywhere else. So just before I went out, they lined up for each show four pints of laga behind the thing. Now,
00:21:58
back in the day, um, people used to like go on about what a great drinker I was.
00:22:03
I actually was a really bad drinker. Um, I I would get drunk very very quickly. It just so happened in those first two
00:22:10
specials, I was also on cocaine. But if they asked, but that's the reason that was propping me up, right? And I I
00:22:17
regret doing that in my life. And, you know, if my child is watching this podcast many years later, I was an
00:22:23
idiot. But that was why I could drink. So, I gave that I gave up all drugs when my son was born. When my son was born, I
00:22:29
never took drugs again. >> Mhm. >> Um when he's 12 now. And uh and I I I I never took drugs again. But I continued
00:22:37
drinking. And everyone just thought I was a bad drinker. Everyone thought I was getting out of control. I was
00:22:42
actually in recovery. Like >> when you say like two loggers, like two pints >> then you were sort of drunk. I mean like
00:22:52
slurring and like >> I started I started slurring after three points now. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So and so
00:22:57
then I did some specials and I was just a dribbling mess in all the specials but
00:23:02
I was just and so then my wife gets pregnant with my last child who's who's about to turn uh four and I haven't had
00:23:09
a drink since then. So uh and I I don't miss it at all any anymore. Not at all. I don't miss any of it. Don't miss
00:23:15
cigarettes. Don't miss alcohol. Don't miss drugs. Um I I regret doing all of them really. I feel a lot better.
00:23:22
>> Well, I was noticing that you look younger than the last time I saw you basically. I mean, you looked really
00:23:27
good. >> I'm not I'm not sweating as much as I used to. I used to be getting down.
00:23:32
You're more of a you know, so I've never seen you messy, though. I think when I see you, it's maybe a more professional
00:23:38
setting, but I've never seen you messy. >> Well, yeah. Well, not anymore anyway.
00:23:41
But yeah, no, I I just sort of knocked it on the cigarettes was the hardest one. That's the hardest one to quit out
00:23:47
of the lot is this cigarettes. And I think that's the the I I read there was a book uh Allan Card, Stop Smoking. The
00:23:55
secret to giving up cigarettes is this is you stop you stop envying people who are smoking. It used to be you give up
00:24:01
cigarettes for a while and every time I'd see a cigarette, I'd go, "Oh jeez, I wish I could have a cigarette." You got
00:24:06
to start looking at them like they're slaves to nicotine and that you're free. That's the only way. There's my
00:24:10
motivational talk for the day. >> Oh, that's good. Hey, I have another Kirk Douglas. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but
00:24:15
this totally fits. This fits better than the last one. >> The last one was good. It was good. That
00:24:20
that [ __ ] musly [ __ ] Kurt Douglas. It was a good >> I did a movie with Kirk Douglas and Bert
00:24:25
Lancaster. So Kirk Douglas told me his dad was a chain smoker and then he quit. And I said, "Well, how did you do it?"
00:24:32
So his dad took a cigarette, >> put it in his pocket, and anytime he wanted a cigarette, and he was Russian,
00:24:38
he would pull it out and go, "Who is stronger, me or you?" Me. He was so competitive that that just stopped it.
00:24:45
Who is stronger? Me or you? Get back in pocket cigarette. I am strong man. You're a [ __ ] little rolled up
00:24:53
nicotine [ __ ] And that was the quote. That was I'm just quoting Kirk Douglas. I'm just quoting Kirk Douglas.
00:25:03
>> I was a nicotine [ __ ] back in the day. Whoring myself to nicotine. >> Has it influenced your comedy at all?
00:25:09
like your standup writing just being completely off everything because the specials you're talking about were
00:25:14
really wellreceived >> and the last the last few haven't been as well received. >> Once you've gotten sober I I
00:25:23
>> look look Sergeant Peppers was arguably the Beatles best album, right? It was
00:25:28
nonsensical rubbish. >> That was all on acid and stuff. Yeah. >> Yeah. I don't I don't listen to the
00:25:33
whole Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. It was a painting, you know, like Julian gave me a painting. And I'm doing more
00:25:38
Paul there, but you know what I mean. >> You sat down for a plunk, you know. Is that how you did it? We would plunk John
00:25:44
and I would look at each other sort of like a mirror. I'm just quoting him now. So, but yeah, but uh I love Paul.
00:25:53
>> Were you an opera singer, Jim, before you get a chance to answer? >> So, this is this is a thing that always
00:25:59
is brought up in my life. >> I love it. Is a fake one. >> So, no, no, it's true. It's true. So,
00:26:04
okay. So, I I did school musicals cuz that was how you met girls, right? If you're not if you're not athletic, I
00:26:13
went and you go and do a school musical, join the drama club or whatever. That's
00:26:17
my theory on why actors are so short, >> right? I think it's because they they they couldn't play sport at a high
00:26:24
level, so they join the drama club. It's all about meeting girls, right? So I I think yeah I that's my theory anyway
00:26:30
because um >> sense >> um so so I I went and did uh musical theater at at at at um school and then
00:26:40
there was literally like a talent scout came to one of the shows and said he could be a tener and we don't have many
00:26:46
tall teners and that's a really like a hard thing in the opera company and so they they they sent me off to singing
00:26:52
lessons with this guy called Richard Gil who was the head of the chorus master in
00:26:57
Australia. I sound like an old person talking about relatives you've never met. And I I studied for a while and
00:27:01
then when I was 17, >> I was put in the Australian opera in the chorus uh for one production of the
00:27:07
Flying Dutchman, which was Vagna. And so I was just like like I was literally singing in German. Didn't know a [ __ ]
00:27:15
word of what I was saying. I was just buying >> German. Holy [ __ ] >> Well, I was just buying a CD and just
00:27:22
mimicking the German. You know what I mean? And then um you know they teach us the songs but I didn't know what the
00:27:28
songs were about or anything. So after that I went and studied at Whopper. And whoa is the Western Australian Academy
00:27:34
of Performing Arts which is where Hugh Jackman studied which uh they had a full scholarship ride to study musical
00:27:40
theater. By the time I was two years into that I was already being paid to be a stand-up comic and I just quit it in
00:27:47
the middle of the night and just went off on on tour. But I always wanted to be a stand-up comic. But I thought you
00:27:52
can't study that at university. You got to I I wanted to study something in the performing arts. And so I studied
00:27:58
musical theater. And I would like to I can't sing anymore because cigarettes and yelling on stage and I've had polyps
00:28:05
and nodules and nodules. I've done I've had the surgery and all that. You can hear me
00:28:10
voice is pretty raspy now. But I could sing as a And it's weird because >> everyone always goes sing a song when
00:28:17
they find out you're an opera singer. And it's like you wouldn't have gone up to Pelle when he was like hadn't played
00:28:24
soccer for 50 years and gone go and do a bit of keep up. >> See a bicycle kid. >> Yeah.
00:28:30
So So it's it's a muscle I haven't really worked but I did do that. I still have a fondness for musical theater. I
00:28:38
still go and see any production that comes to LA. I go >> two follow-up questions.
00:28:42
>> Okay. one. >> Did that garner any puss? Because you went through a lot. >> Is that a new garner or puss?
00:28:52
>> Okay. Okay. I I was I will say this to to any any young heterosexual man who can sing a little bit, right?
00:28:59
>> Yeah. >> If you go to university >> where they audition thousands of people to get like 30 kids, it was like going
00:29:06
to fame. >> Yeah. >> And half of the class is male and half the class is female. Those girls have
00:29:12
been doing dance lessons since they were bloody kids, right? Uh singing lessons,
00:29:16
acting lessons, all that type of stuff, right? All the boys have been doing the same. And the 30 kids in my year at
00:29:24
university, I think out of the 15 boys, 10 of them were gay. And that just the numbers don't lie. That's too good.
00:29:32
Yes. >> Your way for sure. >> I'll tell you what, it it worked a lot better than being a comedian saying the
00:29:38
word [ __ ] all the time. Yeah, I didn't bring as many women in as you think. >> You know, you could name your next
00:29:44
special. >> A certain kind of woman likes that kind of talk. >> Yeah, they were fun girls who did like
00:29:49
me, but they were didn't they didn't come in their masses. >> Yeah. >> Okay, here's your special, Jim. Ready?
00:29:57
This is a new name. >> Here we go. >> Tall tenner. >> Tall tenner. I'm calling my new special.
00:30:02
It hasn't come out yet, is called uh uh two limb policy is the name of the special.
00:30:08
>> Okay. limb like looph I have and I talk about this on the special but because I did that sitcom
00:30:16
with the disabled people a lot of disabled people come to my show I have a meet and greet after the show I always
00:30:21
let the disabled people join the meet and greet and I take photos with all the uh different people with disabilities
00:30:27
>> but I can't like someone wrote to me and said hey I'm bringing my uncle to your
00:30:33
show he's disabled can we come backstage and meet you and you can't write back how disabled Right.
00:30:39
>> And you can't ask for a photo, right? But we have to have some parameters. I just can't have a lineup of people with
00:30:44
[ __ ] dyslexia bothering me. >> CD. So, I have a I have a two limb policy. You have to be missing two limbs
00:30:51
or they have to be doing nothing. What And if you have two limbs that are [ __ ] up, you can you're lucky enough
00:30:57
to have a photo with me. >> Take a picture of this [ __ ] >> You're allowed to come backstage and
00:31:03
meet this [ __ ] if you're missing two limbs. Uh, okay. That's good. >> I have a question also from the audience
00:31:12
>> later on that one. >> At some point we got to get to your show because >> we know uh you
00:31:18
>> Oh, the show is Go ahead, Dana. >> We You're on a little press tour for your show.
00:31:23
>> Sure. We can't forget the show >> about that. The snake. The snake on Fox. >> Snake.
00:31:27
>> I saw your billboard hogging [ __ ] Sunset Boulevard. >> I'm not on the billboard. That's That's
00:31:32
how >> That was an executive decision. >> What? David, what was your Fox show with
00:31:36
with Snake in the title last year? >> Oh, Snake Oil. >> Snake Oil. This is called The Snake. His
00:31:41
was called Snake Oil. Does it? >> We're part of the Snake family of Fox. >> Oh, it is the same billboard. Yeah. It's
00:31:47
by the Chateau Marmont. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, we uh we snake it up. Yeah. Um The Snake is a reality show
00:31:53
that's similar to uh Big Brother or Survivor or Fear Factor. It's got elements of those three shows. Um, so
00:32:00
it's it's good-looking people living in a house in the jungle doing tasks where they have to eat gross food. But the
00:32:07
what the secret source in the show is instead of like an elimination ceremony or where people get voted off
00:32:12
anonymously, what happens is uh the person who wins the task gets to become the snake, they get the coveted snake
00:32:19
medallion. And then if they get the snake medallion, they get to save the first person. And the person who gets
00:32:24
saved gets to save one person. The person who gets saves gets to save another person. it snakes down the
00:32:29
chain. Uh setting off a chain reaction. So you don't have to have a majority rule uh to like you in the show. You
00:32:36
just need to make really one or two friends that will keep saving you, but you can't repay the favor. So if someone
00:32:42
saves you, you got to save another person. So So like like you get a lot of skull duggery. You get a lot of um
00:32:49
>> skull duggery. >> Skull dug. >> There's not enough skull duggery out there. >> Yeah. Oh, I tell you, I was explaining
00:32:55
this show the other day um on some good morning something and I said the word skull duggery because that's what I
00:33:01
always think about the show and you know what skull duggery means like uh pirates
00:33:04
and stuff and old English >> skull duggery. >> Yeah, skull duggery. And the and the
00:33:10
lady went so if you want to watch the snake there's a lot of skull buggery. Buggery buggery is the English legal
00:33:18
term for anal sex right? >> Yeah, I saw that on the on the Churchill movie. Oh, you get a bugger. Remember
00:33:24
that? Yeah, >> exactly. The word buggery is like the legal term. The buggery happened blah
00:33:29
blah blah. And so she just said on morning TV, "Come and watch some skull buggery." And I think it got through. I
00:33:35
don't think anyone noticed. >> [ __ ] everyone tunes in for that. >> Could I just for a second
00:33:41
that look, that's that's a winner. So just for a second going back because I kind of spaced out for a second. So
00:33:46
you're in you're in Argentina in a jungle. Where is everybody? What are they wearing and who are they?
00:33:53
>> Okay, so when I I I I set out this the start of the show, episode one, I'm standing on a crate and there's all
00:33:59
these crates around me which was meant to be like the crates you'd bring reptiles in. You know what I mean? And I
00:34:04
said, "Come out of your crates." You know, I've got an earpiece in. I don't quite know who's who. And they open the
00:34:09
crates up and fair in man. We had like um we had like like a a priest with a collar on. We had a we had a the
00:34:19
bulletproof vest. We had a we had a rodeo rider with the chaps and spurs and all that type of stuff.
00:34:25
>> It's like the village people. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. Exactly like And we had And we had um I got a Village People
00:34:31
story to tell you in a second. Okay. So So we had we had uh only an only fans model, right? I thought you know that
00:34:39
jury duty. >> Yeah. >> Or the Joemo show. I thought I was the only real person and they were all
00:34:46
actors for like the longest time. They were tricking you. >> They were tricking me. But I
00:34:53
>> I was the mark. I thought I was the mark. And a good idea, actually. >> It's not a bad idea for a show, right?
00:34:59
And I'm like I'm like, what? What the [ __ ] >> And you're in the middle of nowhere. You
00:35:03
don't >> First of all, first of all, who employs me to be a game show host? Like, it's
00:35:07
already weird. And so, so all these people go and so right up until the show aired, I wasn't completely sure. But
00:35:15
I'll tell you my village people's story. So, I do another podcast with a comedian. Good Amos Gil, another
00:35:20
Australian club >> 1% club. >> Yeah, I do the 1% club in Australia. But this podcast, this podcast is called uh
00:35:26
ATM at this moment. It stands for uh different search on the internet. Anyway, so
00:35:32
>> lingo. >> Yeah, lingo. Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. I forgot about the other one. I got to research that again.
00:35:37
>> Yeah. So anyway, so I uh I I was doing a joke about how Trump has the YMCA playing at all of his concerts, at all
00:35:45
of his benefits or rallies and everyone does the the the dance and all that type
00:35:50
of stuff, right? >> Yeah. And I said I said it's so funny that that that song is about having gay
00:35:58
sex in the showers and now all these evangelical people are dancing and stuff to the song. Seems a little odd. I got a
00:36:06
cease and desist letter from the Village People saying that I was going to be sued for defamation for saying that the
00:36:13
Village People Music had gay overtones. >> Is it does it not? >> It turn Victor Willis who's the cop. I I
00:36:21
guess he was always at the front and he never turned around to notice the rest of them because because he's he's he's
00:36:28
married to a woman called Karen Willis. Before that he was married to Felicia, Mrs. Tuxable from the Cosby show. He was
00:36:36
married to her back in for Yeah. And um and and you're not allowed to say that the Village People music has gay
00:36:42
overtones. >> What? >> Or they will sue. They will get now possibly. >> We could sue now. I said, "What about in
00:36:52
the Navy and Macho Man? They're as gay as [ __ ] Come on now. Come on now. >> Come on now.
00:36:58
There's a there's a lyric in in the Navy called We Want More Seaman." Like I'm all for a double ton, but don't try to
00:37:06
tell me I'm a [ __ ] >> I think they're just saying, "Come on, guys. Don't I mean, they haven't been
00:37:13
outed to like three people so far." So they >> It's a catchy freaking song, man. I tell
00:37:21
you what, cuz after that, I started listening to their other music. >> It's banger after banger after banger.
00:37:26
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> It's like It's like It's like for disco music, you can't stop the music is a
00:37:31
hell of a song. I mean, that's such a hook. >> Now, my son watching you in Wayne's
00:37:38
World, too, >> too. Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. He knows every step because he loves that movie so much.
00:37:43
>> Did you do it in that? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He You were the construction worker, weren't
00:37:49
you? >> Yeah, I was dressed as a construction worker. I think we're running away from
00:37:52
the bad guy or something. Somehow we end up in this nightclub and Wayne and I are
00:37:57
now doing YMCA with these people. Yeah, they they're all they're all doing uh um
00:38:02
yeah, the YMCA and like you're all spies. Like you were up a telegraph poll and then you heard something and then I
00:38:08
think Wayne was like a cop and then somehow they found an Indian for no apparent reason.
00:38:13
>> That's right. And all of a sudden it comes together >> and then all of a sudden it was a little
00:38:16
bit like like uh what's that police academy when they ended up in the Blue Oyster. It was a little bit of that.
00:38:21
They ended up in the wrong nightclub and then they do it. But that's the that's the dance because you guys all did it
00:38:27
and then you actually did the thing and then you I always say like if if the village people actually do get me if I
00:38:34
get my day in court and I am being sued by the village people I'm going to go not guilty
00:38:41
>> act it out >> is there any character left I mean they've got the construction worker the
00:38:45
Indian maybe you come as other costume I don't know >> just come as crocodile Dundee just off
00:38:51
the side you know going >> what is your son's name that loves that movie. >> Hank.
00:38:55
>> Hank. Hey, Hank. This is G. I got a different haircut, but thanks for watching.
00:39:01
>> Uh, when when when we end the podcast, can he come up and say hello very quickly? He's downstairs playing video
00:39:06
games. Normally, Jim, that would be fine. >> Camera shy. Just bring him up. >> We have to whisk Dana off.
00:39:12
>> Will he come on or you want to do it with off camera? >> He's also a big Joe Dirt fan. So,
00:39:17
>> okay. Bring him on. Bring him on. Bring him on. >> Let's compare box up. Joe Dirt was my
00:39:22
first Australian trip. I went to Sydney. >> Oh, what? You filmed it in Australia?
00:39:27
>> No, we had a premiere there. It was the same It was a night after the premiere
00:39:32
of Mulan Rouge >> and uh I went down there and I went to a concert >> and they sat me next to Baz Lurman, all
00:39:39
this great Australian stuff. >> He uh he he look he still flies the flag. I always argue that things like I
00:39:46
guess Mulan Rouge is an Australian film, >> Australian actress, Australian director
00:39:51
filmed in Australia. Kylie Manog plays the Tinkerbell thing. >> It's an Australian movie as soon as
00:39:57
Kylie's involved. >> Yeah, Kylie, you know, >> right? >> Kylie's our Kylie. You can't speak ill
00:40:03
of Kylie. >> No, no, I think she's great. >> Uh I like I have great Australians are
00:40:09
great. I do like it. Go ahead, Dane. And then I have one last story. >> I just It's just weird sometimes. I was
00:40:14
uh hosting Vegas showcase for movies and Baz Lurman was there, Mullen Rouge and Nicole Kidman. So I was hanging out with
00:40:21
them. It's just kind of weird and you brought it up and that's that's my whole story. There's no joke, nothing other
00:40:25
than I met them at the promotion of the thing. >> Well, I think [ __ ] nicotine [ __ ] bring two nicotines
00:40:37
[ __ ] Who is stronger? Me or you? Sorry [ __ ] Sorry. Go ahead. That was just for me. I'm a little punchy right now.
00:40:44
>> Like back in the pocket. >> Jim, one last question. >> Then we're gonna ask everyone again so
00:40:49
you can have one more shot. >> Uh this is a story from a viewer that said >> if this is not a funny story, we'll just
00:40:57
take it out. I don't know if this is a funny story from you >> that your father sat you down, you and
00:41:01
your wife, to tell you something. >> I I can't I I can tell you that off the air, but I can't tell it on the air.
00:41:10
Look, my dad doesn't um >> uh Yeah, I can tell you off the air. I I can't tell it on the air. Sorry.
00:41:17
>> Well, we have an after hours. >> It's because my dad doesn't know how to get on to YouTube or anything like that,
00:41:22
but enough. It will get back to him on this podcast. >> For sure. >> I didn't know what level of it was, but
00:41:27
I I apologize. >> It's 100 It's 100% true. It's 100% true that story. It's uh >> I don't know the story. That's why I'm
00:41:34
waiting to hear. >> We are going to Yeah, just >> tell me the tease. We don't need the
00:41:37
story, but just the tease is going to trend. >> Yeah, we like there's just Hey, man.
00:41:43
It's all about click. So, let me ask you bring out the story. I I'll tell you this. Okay, we can cut it out if you
00:41:50
want. I can tell it to you right now. If you want to actually hear it. >> No, I don't want I'm scared. I don't
00:41:54
want it to accidentally. No, we don't want to embarrass you. I just need to know how this works.
00:41:59
>> Alex Murray tell you about this story cuz he knows >> Oh, okay. Cuz me me and David have the
00:42:05
same manager. So, uh, that's what's happened there. >> Well, I'll tell you this about the
00:42:09
Carvey family. My my childhood family with five kids and Bud Carvey and all that stuff that went on.
00:42:15
>> Yeah. >> Throw away the key cuz no one would believe it. >> Yeah. There's some things we leave on.
00:42:22
Some things better not share. Just know that it's a little whack. >> Look, look. He He's He's 84 this year.
00:42:30
If I back on the podcast in a couple of years, I might be able to tell you. >> Okay.
00:42:33
>> Yeah. >> Fair enough. Well, give it give it some time. >> 2027. We're going to hold you to that.
00:42:40
>> All right. Thanks, Jim. We'll tell you. >> Really nice hanging out with you, man.
00:42:47
>> All right. Listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We
00:42:52
don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app.
00:42:59
>> Leave a review, a good one. >> Leave a fivestar rating. Nothing else. >> Whoops. and maybe even share an episode
00:43:05
with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. Dana, what do you think?
00:43:11
>> I'm going to tell you this right now. Hear me now, believe me later. Fly in the Wall, believe it or not, is
00:43:17
presented by Odyssey. >> And executive produced by, hold for it, Dana Carvey and David Spade, or David
00:43:25
Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The
00:43:33
show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent production and booking by Sophia
00:43:41
Leapor.