00:00:00
Yo, this is from Dan to me. Just kick spades ass at chess. He's got quite the
00:00:05
eagle ego about chess, but he didn't know a rook from his ass. I bet sex with
00:00:12
my wife. And the wife's like this. Huh? Huh? And then he has one of our posters.
00:00:18
I bet fly on the wall be number one in a year. He puts our poster up there. >> Yeah, he bets us.
00:00:25
>> Oh my god. This is like Barbie versus open. Why are you going up against
00:00:31
>> Lauren? Documentary versus stupid bus. >> You just know you just went up against
00:00:36
Titanic. But Lauren, I don't know who is booking this movie. >> He's like, quietly make bus boys
00:00:43
disappear. >> Welcome to the greatest show on earth. >> What if it was?
00:00:52
>> I know. What if it was Yeah. secretly like talked about centuries from now? It
00:00:58
is to some people. >> Mhm. >> Oh, I I do have to say I'm going to Oh,
00:01:02
wait. It's too late. No, it's not. I'm going to Charlotte. >> What?
00:01:07
>> These are the last couple gigs for a while. Uh >> you say that every week and then you
00:01:12
>> I know. I really do. It's such a lie. I I go to Charlotte, Nashville, and
00:01:17
Pittsburgh. >> I'm going to be in Pittsburgh during the um draft. >> Is it the draft?
00:01:23
>> You think you'll get drafted? What do you >> What if I get drafted? I know. You
00:01:27
shouldn't even be around there. You could be a punter or something. You could hold
00:01:31
>> spade 61 180. >> They all lie. >> They all lie. They're a bunch of liars.
00:01:39
>> Mother efers. Yeah, I've got Maybe I'll bring some players down. It come down to
00:01:43
the show. Have a couple chuckles. >> Oh, they love that. They love >> Tommy Boy gets them there and then Joe
00:01:50
Derp brings them across the finish line and then Dicky Roberts gets you free drinks. I mean, it's it's a spade. I've
00:01:57
been out in the world with you in Indianapolis. Like I said, it was like walking around with Mickey Mouse
00:02:02
>> when I when I was on the road. I did uh Stern. I haven't done Stern in a long
00:02:07
time. And we gave Dana his kudos and praises. >> That's the thing is I my strategy is to
00:02:14
never go on podcasts and then have and then have people sing my praises off because if I'm there, it never happens.
00:02:22
>> Right. If you're there, you have to talk about me. Exactly. So, I'm never there.
00:02:26
And so, you're like, "What else you want to talk about?" >> And they're like, "We should have Dana
00:02:30
on." I go, "I know. He'd love it." >> Dana's elusive and mysterious.
00:02:34
>> You do have elusivity and mysteriosity going for you. >> I'm a mystery to myself, you know. So, I
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>> You're a conundrum wrapped in a mystery. >> Yeah. I'm like a Rubik's cube that you
00:02:48
solved when you were five. You're like a Rubik's Cube where each side is dumber than the other one. So
00:02:54
when they all line up, it's the dumbest possible person on earth. >> Okay. Okay. It's nice chatting with you
00:02:59
state champion in chess at age six. >> It's like being the Rubik's Cube. No one
00:03:05
cares. Like >> I I told you Dan Bulah from SNL was insensed that Heather told him that I
00:03:12
was a great chess player. Remember that we were Sandler. >> Why was he mad about that?
00:03:16
>> Because Sandler brought in a chess >> Oh. on the road in Las Vegas and it was
00:03:21
late after the show >> and he goes, "Come on, let's play. We should all sharpen our skill." I was
00:03:26
like, "Oh, how weird." I haven't played since maybe sixth grade. So, we played
00:03:31
and we we both didn't know what was going on >> and I won by miraculously not even
00:03:36
remember like this is a bishop. Pawns can go two >> squares. Anyway, >> that was fun. And then I go, "Okay." And
00:03:44
then Dan Bulah goes, "I play winner." I go, "No, no, just play Sandler because I
00:03:49
don't want to play." >> God, Dan got mean. >> He goes, "Sit the [ __ ] down." I go, "And
00:03:55
he goes, Heather was bragging about how great you." I go, "No, no, no. She was
00:04:00
probably just saying sixth grade I used to play." Sixth grade. That was 10 years
00:04:04
ago. >> This was me. When was that? This was last week or something. When was it?
00:04:09
>> No, this is a year ago. >> A year ago. Hold on a second. Let me get
00:04:12
in my >> Yo, this is from Dan to me. just kick spades ass at chess. He's got quite the
00:04:19
eagle ego about chess, but he didn't know a rook from his ass. >> Sailor.
00:04:25
>> Yeah. >> Uh I hope you're well. Dan Bulah. Well, should we tell people who Dan is in case
00:04:31
they forgot? >> Big big writer. Des >> big writer and a great uh >> and he goes on the road. A great
00:04:37
performer and uh also >> musician, piano player, writer of songs. And he I go, "No, no, no." And he was like
00:04:46
determined and he smoked me. And the grossest part he goes, "I knew you weren't that good." And I go, "I did not
00:04:53
say I was that good. Heather did." And he goes, "You fell for the old zippity
00:04:58
trap 49." And I go, he's he'll fall for this so fast. And you did. And I'm like,
00:05:02
I don't know any plays in chess. I just I'm not a grandmaster. Well, the idea is
00:05:08
what you do before you play chess with Dan Bulah again is you you watch the Hustler with Paul Newman and Tom Cruz.
00:05:17
And so you know how the first two games like I can't what rook and then you put
00:05:23
five C notes on it and go let's go bro and then you kick ass. So you just you
00:05:27
just blew it. Next time watch that movie. >> I go I guess I'll be all in on this one.
00:05:34
>> I love that in every movie where it's like And then another layer. >> I like all the chips.
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>> He's moving the whole I bet the table. >> I bet the table table and chips.
00:05:49
Everything. >> And then he gets up on the thing and sits. I bet myself. >> He throws the car keys at the
00:05:56
everything. And then he goes, "Just me." >> Then he grabs his wife. She's sitting
00:06:00
there. And I bet my wife. >> I bet sex with my wife. And the wife's like this. Huh?
00:06:08
And then he has one of our posters. I bet Fly in the Wall be number one in a year.
00:06:14
>> He puts our poster up there. >> Yeah, he bets us. >> He explains it. Yeah, he bets us.
00:06:21
>> Yeah, he just bets us. >> Anyway, come on, man. >> Oh, I saw Marcelo and Sarah Sherman from
00:06:26
the old SNL. >> Love those guys. >> I saw them for lunch. >> You told me anything?
00:06:31
>> I haven't told her. >> That would be a blast with those those
00:06:34
two young >> No, they were fun. Those two morons, it was a lot of fun. >> Yeah, they're a kick in the pants.
00:06:39
>> Lauren, we should plug Lauren as a movie coming out even though it's against Bus
00:06:43
Boy. >> Oh, is it the same weekend as the Bus Boys? >> It is. Oh my god. This is like Barbie
00:06:50
versus open. >> Why are you going up against >> documentary versus stupid bus?
00:06:56
>> You just know you just went up against Titanic with Lauren. I don't know who is
00:07:01
booking this movie. He's like, "Quietly make bus boys disappear." >> But wait a minute. Let's just for a
00:07:08
second unpack this. The documentary about Lauren, the fabulous producer of Sar Life for a half century. You and
00:07:14
Theo falling down in the dirt doing tip jokes. >> They're they're different is all I'm
00:07:22
saying. >> By the way, if you've seen the trailer, we're not good bus boys. And if you
00:07:27
could pay attention, a waiter walks between us and we dump the bus tub. And I'm like, if that doesn't signal to the
00:07:35
audience that we're not good at bus boys, nothing does. So, we have really set the table for ourselves.
00:07:42
>> You should have thrown a dishwasher in there, man. >> There's a dishwasher in it, but he
00:07:47
doesn't have any lines. >> No, cuz that's the funniest back there of the dishwasher when I was a
00:07:51
dishwasher. The Hobart 3000 >> in the sequel. This is sort of a trilogy. I shouldn't announce this yet.
00:07:57
>> Oh, >> the second one will have me in it. The third will have Theo in it. We just milk
00:08:03
it out. Little something for the kitten. >> When I was the holiday and we had a
00:08:07
dishwasher named Ralph. He was about 60 kind of. And he would be a nonsequiter type guy. You come back and he goes, "I
00:08:14
like them big. Don't you like them big?" >> I go, "Potatoes."
00:08:18
>> I go, "What?" And he said, one of the cottail waitresses said she had she
00:08:23
didn't like her legs. He goes, "I like them big." "Don't you like them big?" I
00:08:28
got out of there pretty fast. I backed up slowly because uh no like weird dishwashers, but Bus Boy
00:08:36
>> leave you alone to be crazy. >> I want to do a quick Bus Boy. Here we
00:08:40
are. >> Now, um in the movie Bus Boys, David Spade from Tommy Boyd, all these great
00:08:47
wonderful hits, you have a grown man fondle the genitals of another man. Is that your idea of humor? Do you actually
00:08:57
think that's funny? >> Well, actually, he just pinches my nuts. I don't know if that's fondling, but I
00:09:02
think >> Is that Is that funny to you? Pinching nuts. Is that where your comedy's gone
00:09:07
to? >> I think in the situation it was unexpected. I don't know if it's
00:09:11
hilarious, but it was not meant to be super offensive. >> And why in God's name are you opening up
00:09:17
against the Lord Michael? >> I know. I'm just hearing this. I don't
00:09:21
know. We should we should look at the calendar a year ahead. >> All right. This is Pierce Morgan. I'll
00:09:27
be back later and be more rude and honor. >> Please do. I do like these hard-hitting
00:09:31
questions from Pierce. >> Uh I think it's I think it's good. And speaking speaking of hard-hitting.
00:09:38
>> Yeah. Uh oh. >> I just thought, what's the biggest story of the week? Guess.
00:09:45
Not Iran. It's not Iran. We're already in We already in trouble for letting Tim Dylan on the show to
00:09:54
talk about everything. Uh what is it? What's the biggest story? >> How we got in trouble. That's so funny.
00:09:59
Um I love it. Um, Anthropic, which is made Claude, which is an AI >> AI, >> made a new a new one called AI Mythos,
00:10:12
and it officially announced it will not release it due to safety concerns. So, >> I did a deep dive on this. They turned
00:10:22
on Mythos. >> Horrible name. What came up? First thing, humans are the problem was the first thing it said.
00:10:34
Then they went the second thing. Surprising, not a joke. Seus boys in theaters only. April
00:10:43
17th. That was the second thing it said. >> Dude, shut it down. It doesn't
00:10:47
>> Look how far I went to get another. >> That was really good. Did it Did it say
00:10:51
humans are the problems? That's part of the joke. Well, what would be the worst thing it
00:10:56
could say? >> No, that scared me because it seems real because I heard they have shut ones down
00:11:01
because here's what I don't like. Let's say you got GPT and you're some [ __ ]
00:11:05
buster in the middle of nowhere and you want to be cool. So, you film it and you
00:11:10
ask stuff like, >> "Hey, why don't you start World War II? Quit [ __ ] around cuz it will do it."
00:11:17
Like, it's like what was the old movie Matthew Brick? War Games. Would you like
00:11:24
to play a game? >> And guess who tested for war games and came in second place? Marty Br. I was
00:11:32
his first choice, but of course Matthew Broadick got it. >> Huge movie came.
00:11:39
>> Huge movie. I tested >> Wow. War Games with sorry >> cute girl on your shoulder. And the
00:11:47
theme of the movie, if if you haven't seen it, Matthew Brderick is trying to
00:11:51
hack into his report card or something and change. >> Yeah. And then he accidentally finds
00:11:57
some deep I should have read the script before I did the screen. >> You never even read it. The Pentagon and
00:12:03
he's like, "What's this?" And he gets into the defob. >> Yeah. Nuclear keys. He's going to blow
00:12:10
up the world. But um Matthew, Matt, Maddie, >> MB, um Broady um was a great was great
00:12:20
in that movie. >> Well, I love that movie. >> Thank you. >> It's always It's just like how you like
00:12:25
it when the computer goes, "Would you like to play a game?" And he goes,
00:12:28
"Sure." He doesn't know it's war games. >> I know. So, we could line up 10 science
00:12:35
fiction movies. They all predict that they're going to [ __ ] with us and ruin
00:12:40
humanity. And yet we go forward for the silver dollars. I mean, they asked George W. Bush about it,
00:12:46
>> about anthropic. He was speechless. He just said, "What do you think, Mr.
00:12:50
George W. Bush?" >> Guys, why are his eyes bugging out? Well, ANTHROPIC.
00:13:02
>> JESUS. JESUS. What is that? He flew out of screen. >> Well, that's an indication that he won't
00:13:13
be back. >> Yeah, I guess so. >> He's on the pile. Here's a quick cut.
00:13:17
>> Here's a quick one. >> Oh my god, I'm so ahead of that call
00:13:22
cast for everyone trying to be president in 2028. So, I'm so far ahead. >> Is she ahead?
00:13:30
>> I don't know. >> Why do I believe everything you say? >> You're the world's greatest strength.
00:13:36
>> Oh, do Melania. Is that Melania? Melania. I just want to say that I haven't I don't know. I never even met
00:13:45
Jeffrey Evstein. Okay. I mean, come on. Sorry. >> Who is he? >> Here, you do the voice and I'll do the
00:13:52
puppet. >> You know, I am not part of this situation. Keep my name out of your
00:13:59
[ __ ] mouth. Oh, hi Jeffrey. Oh [ __ ] I fell for it. He's right there. >> You used to have a Jeffrey puppet. Then
00:14:07
>> I do have a Jeffrey puppet with mustaches. It's in It's in my closet,
00:14:11
though. >> There's 400 puppets at your feet. No one sees them. >> Oh, I have I have just [ __ ] ton. I just
00:14:17
I just kind of grab them out of this giant thing I swirl around. And I've got
00:14:21
some here just if I want to go to them. >> Do you have an AI stick puppet making
00:14:26
machine? >> Uh, that'll be for next week. Thanks for the suggestion. >> AI, humans are the problem. That's the
00:14:34
by line. I think I saw Devil Wears Prada and they were doing we can take this out but in
00:14:43
my opinion >> if you're associated in those files you know the files >> I understand
00:14:52
>> just by sheer whatever >> well if someone mentioned you in an email
00:14:59
>> I like David Spades movie then you're in the >> Oh you would be in the files right
00:15:03
that's I think Whitney Cummings that's how she got in there Yeah. >> Um, but Naomi Campbell's in there a lot.
00:15:09
>> So, I think there's something to that, but I don't know. But she's in like
00:15:13
Devil Wars Prada. I'm like, she does, bless her heart, gets a free pass on this whole thing. So, who know? Listen,
00:15:19
no one's really guilty until proven. So, I get it. But there's definitely some
00:15:23
fingerpointing going on, >> right? There's a whole giant ecosystem of Epstein. And then there's the more
00:15:30
finite, more particular of horny middle-aged to older age men in rooms with 16-year-old girls. That's kind of
00:15:39
what I focus on, but I know a lot of people are like, "But he went to a party, you know."
00:15:43
>> Yeah, I know. You're right. You're right. You said to get down,
00:15:46
>> am I right? Again, don't say yes if you disagree. >> You're You know what? You're right.
00:15:54
What about going back to Lauren? Do you think >> if what if they go through that whole
00:16:00
movie and don't mention your name, will you be hurt? >> Uh, no. I'm mysterious. I wouldn't be
00:16:07
hurt. Nothing hurts me and show business. >> Wait, what is this interview you did for
00:16:12
the rundown or something? You're showing SNL sketches. I keep seeing that. What
00:16:15
was that from? When they were hitting you up at Peacock to do different >> Yeah. Last fall when I was doing Joe
00:16:21
Biden, who I'm going to do in a second, Joe Biden on SNL. They said, "We're
00:16:25
doing this thing called the rundown." I wasn't sure what it was. as I walked
00:16:28
back there on 8H and they'd set up those and it was kind of like >> I like they loop you into a documentary.
00:16:34
>> I know. Do your perfect uh you know it was kind of fun. They had a whole
00:16:38
bulletin board of all the classic sketches you know >> um and you are you know whatever and uh
00:16:46
Hollywood minute but anyway so then you just like picked them and did a thing. Yeah.
00:16:50
>> Yeah. >> Don't don't play it down. Here's something else.
00:16:54
>> Sorry. I have a story for you before we get to the hard-hitting news. >> Sorry, it was multi-7
00:17:01
figure views on all the platforms >> across all platforms. >> Excuse me. It wasn't my fault. Don't be
00:17:08
mad at me. Go ahead. >> Yeah, that did I It did come across my desk on a few places like Instagram, Tik
00:17:15
Tok. So, I went to New York this weekend. That's why I look like [ __ ] pie.
00:17:20
>> You look great. What are you talking about? >> Great. >> Lighting is everything. I was a little
00:17:24
more beat up on this trip neck-wise than most because it started off, you know, you get there, I get there at night, the
00:17:32
next morning we have to report to a Q&A for this outcome movie, this Keanu movie.
00:17:36
>> Outcome movie. Yeah. >> Which I'm not in much, but it was fun to
00:17:40
be a part of. So I go and we have a Q&A. We go in this glassroom and we're all there and they go, "Okay,
00:17:50
file in." And it was early. So, you're getting up at 4:00 a.m. LA time, you
00:17:54
know, to be to get up at 7:00 New York. Fluff the hair. Paint on this face. So, I go and there's
00:18:04
the chairs cuz my neck I already go. Uh oh, it's an hour. Chairs aren't bad. I can see through the
00:18:10
glass window. Okay, they're not bad. They go, okay, Keanu Cameron Diaz, here
00:18:14
you go. Jonah Hill, David, uh, we'll start a new row in the back. bar stools.
00:18:22
>> No, no, no. >> How dare you? >> No, no, no, no. They don't know your
00:18:26
situation if they're putting on a bar stool. >> So personnikity. By the way, forget I
00:18:32
hate them. Is there anyone that likes them? Is anyone cozy on a bar stool? It's got the 5 in back and I'm like I
00:18:41
stare I go, "Oh my god, I'm gonna do an hour on this thing." So it's too high up
00:18:45
to put your feet anywhere. I put my foot on the back of Cameron's chair and one
00:18:50
over here on >> Jonas. I'm like this for 10 hours. >> There's no Q's for me or A's because
00:18:57
what are you asking me? I just not a glorified cameo. So, but I was in it twice so fine. And then I do that and
00:19:06
then someone drops their camera. It's a tight room. drops their camera and I instinctively
00:19:15
from the old essent jumped. >> No, I go Gilligan >> because Gilligan's Island Gilligan used
00:19:23
to [ __ ] everything up. So, this is a reference no one gets. >> I I didn't quite get it. Well, I know the
00:19:31
show and I know he yelled Gilligan a lot. >> Yeah. Skip would go Gilligan when
00:19:36
anything [ __ ] up. >> Yeah. >> So, we used to say that around the set
00:19:39
if somebody [ __ ] up or dropped >> Gilligan. Okay, Gilligan. Anyway, the second I say Gilligan,
00:19:47
I think it was a woman, she fell on her face and everyone's like, "Ah, this is
00:19:53
more serious." >> Wait a minute. You yell Gilligan and then she passes out and falls flat,
00:19:58
>> right? Like it was actually more of a problem than it was like an accident.
00:20:01
>> So now I feel like an [ __ ] But no one really heard it except within my
00:20:06
little area. But that wasn't the funny part. Nothing's funny. She fell and then
00:20:12
everyone goes, "Oh my god, is she okay?" And then they're crowding around and and
00:20:18
I'm like, "Guys, is Keanu all right? Does Keanu need a water?" And they're
00:20:23
like, "What about her?" I'm like, "Oh, yeah. Does Well, let's give Keanu a sip
00:20:27
cuz he was a little traumatized." And then give her the rest. So I We all get
00:20:31
out of the room, you know, it's always give them some air, right? Air, >> make room for the ambulance.
00:20:37
>> Yeah. And then we're outside and it was sort of like I think this is over. It
00:20:44
was 45 minutes already. >> So she went to the hospital, we split. Um and then at the premiere I'm like is
00:20:51
everything okay with this woman? Is she all right? >> Because you know Keanu if it's if he
00:20:58
knows something's up, he's heading to the hospital. You know he's a great guy.
00:21:01
>> Well, I think Jonah Hill would too. Not even >> I would. I have great guy syndrome.
00:21:07
>> You would? Yeah. I mean it that's why I say it's show business. It's not the end
00:21:11
of the world. If someone's sick, I think that takes priority. >> Yeah. It's a real person. And then we
00:21:17
said, "Oh, is she did she eat? Is it too hot in here?" >> Any very common in those situations to
00:21:23
get a little dehydrated, >> didn't I heard it might have been a seizure,
00:21:29
>> might have been fainting. We don't know. Anyway, >> nothing we can do. We were just like, I
00:21:34
hope it's okay. But no one gave me a clear answer. Huh? >> We'll get we'll give you an update next
00:21:40
week. I'll find out. >> Yeah, I'd like to know how it turns out. You can't give us that.
00:21:43
>> I'll let you know how you can help. >> And that happened. And did you How did
00:21:46
that relate to your neck? So you that you could feel it coming. >> Great after that. I was all painful.
00:21:53
Then I go to the premiere and I sat in some weird spot. I said, "I want to sit
00:21:57
in the back." And then whatever. It just >> it was okay >> annoying from then on.
00:22:02
>> But I will tell you, oh, Kean was so nice. And then of course I had to make
00:22:07
fun of him. They're like, "Kanu gives everybody a watch on the set." And I
00:22:13
said, "Yeah, they don't tell you. He takes it back at the end of the day."
00:22:16
And everyone's like, "Ah, burning Keanu." I go, "My most of my day was
00:22:20
spent consoling crew members." He screamed at >> Keanu. >> He is. He's nice. Whoa.
00:22:29
>> No, I did a movie with him once podcast. >> He asked about it. Well, let's Keanu,
00:22:33
you're always welcome. Well, okay. He didn't ask about, let me rephrase that.
00:22:39
>> Don't tease us like that. >> Well, he said, >> he said, "What?
00:22:45
>> I someone mentioned it to me." >> And he goes, "Oh, you do a podcast." And
00:22:50
I go, "Yeah." And he goes, >> "Why don't I know that?" Cuz he's so
00:22:54
nice. He goes, "Oh, I should know that. I'm sorry." I go, "You shouldn't know
00:22:58
it. It's fine. There's 10 million." I go, "I do it with Dana. Remember Dana
00:23:01
Carve?" He goes, "Oh, yeah, of course. He's so nice. >> Yeah.
00:23:06
>> Well, is he I I'm sorry. I don't know this, but is he Bill or Ted?
00:23:11
>> That's a great question. Let's go to the phones. >> Heather.
00:23:15
>> Uh Heather. Oh, here she goes. >> By the way, this info gets us nothing
00:23:21
anyway. Whoever it is, >> Dad. Heather wins. Ted. Uh, so he was super lovely, of course, and just like
00:23:33
overwhelmed cuz I go I go, "This thing's pretty early, K. Is this was this your
00:23:37
call?" And he goes, "No, I've already been to the Today Show." I go, "Oh my
00:23:44
god, already this morning." >> Wait a minute. Why does he when he's off
00:23:47
camera, he talks like Clint Eastwood, apparently? I mean, where >> he's already been fighting people in the
00:23:52
Matrix in the [ __ ] wick world for 25 years. I don't understand what you just
00:23:57
said to me. I'm Keo Reeves. >> Yeah. He's like, Yeah. He go, "No, he just is kind of
00:24:04
softspoken. He's not like a pushy [ __ ] like that I'm usually attracted
00:24:10
to." He's um he's like, "Yeah." And he goes, "I did the Today Show." And I go,
00:24:14
"Oh [ __ ] is Savannah Guthrie back today?" And he goes, "Yeah, I she didn't
00:24:19
interview me." I go, "Well, she [ __ ] up. Why wouldn't you want to interview
00:24:22
Kiana, the biggest stud in the world?" But she was in a different room. He said
00:24:27
>> they put her in a different room. >> I would have talked to her, but they put
00:24:31
her in a different room. >> Thanks, Keano. Yeah. He goes I go, who who interviewed you, some rookie? They
00:24:38
shouldn't give you They should give you the best of the best. >> I said, "When we interview you, we'll be
00:24:44
nice." >> I'll only go on that show if Al Roker's going to interview me. I like that guy,
00:24:50
man. He's very accurate when it comes to meteorological situations. >> Yeah. Did you like him fatter or
00:24:56
skinnier? Be honest. >> I kind of liked him porky. >> I don't really care. I got I got uh 12
00:25:03
million shares of Ompic. It's done very well for me. >> Oh, Keano does. So, he makes money when
00:25:10
everyone's on it. >> Well, it's it may be my worst impression based on yours.
00:25:15
>> Yeah, you're doing me. But he is >> I'm Ke Reeves. >> Then he left there. This is what people
00:25:20
don't know. So he's pushing outcome movie for Apple. Apple TV, lovely people.
00:25:25
>> Actually had fun with them. So of course today's show, then this our hour Q&A
00:25:31
where most questions are thrown at him. Of course, >> then I go I'll see you at the premiere.
00:25:38
Between that and the premiere, Drew Barrymore, our Heather's favorite. >> Drew.
00:25:43
>> Drew's in the movie, too. Heather, >> I know. >> Okay. So then,
00:25:49
>> so then Drew, >> then I know that was a good one. >> Then something else he did, he's he was
00:25:57
all day doing press. Oh, then he did Cob Bear. Then he came right late to the premiere. Hey. Whoa. And then a long
00:26:07
press line of like every interview. This is Bill Squeaky from KB Blop. And he's
00:26:12
like, hey Keanu, tell us about the movie. And then he does that moves down one inch. Keano, tell us about the
00:26:20
movie. >> Oh, it's exhausting. >> Exhausting. >> You feel you have to give each person
00:26:25
something fun or at least So what when does this end? When does he go home? >> So then he got to the premiere. He's got
00:26:33
the [ __ ] kicked out of him. Anyway, overall fun time. Oh yeah, I clear something up. Howard Stern the next
00:26:40
morning. Another early bird call. >> God, you had quite a trip, man. I know,
00:26:46
dude. >> Kean and now Howard Stern. See you next fall. >> Hey, I'm Howard Stern. Hey, David
00:26:51
Spaser. >> By the way, did you ever trip someone when you were a kid and go, "Have a nice
00:26:56
trip. See you next fall." >> No. Push him down. >> Did you ever slap a kid in the face
00:27:03
randomly as hard as you can and go, "Hey, I'm slap happy today." >> No.
00:27:09
>> No. Okay. >> Does anyone get beat? >> I'm just asking. I'm not saying you did
00:27:12
or I did. I'm just saying >> that's a good one to do for kids. >> Did anyone ever give you a nooie?
00:27:17
>> Yes. >> In third grade. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I got I got uh all through high school I
00:27:23
got too many noogies and not enough hand jobs. Anyway, so >> a noogie and a wedgie go together.
00:27:29
They're kind of It's kind of a a fun pack of childhood abuse. All right.
00:27:35
>> Doctor's putting his fingers two down my throat, one up my butt, shakes hands in
00:27:39
my ribs. >> It's a dentist line. That's uh Richard Belzer. >> Okay.
00:27:46
>> All right. So on Stern. >> Yeah. Um the only story was he asked you about
00:27:53
Tiger Woods, right? He goes, "You played golf at Tiger Woods and Tiger thought
00:27:56
you were good." >> I said that was really a sort of a bucket list fun thing to do. Of
00:28:02
>> course. And I jokingly said Tiger was in pain the whole time because they had a
00:28:08
guy putting those little massagers on his back like >> even in between everything.
00:28:13
>> Yeah. between rounds like he and then and he's got like a candy necklace full
00:28:18
of Viking going you know instead of candies it's just other things >> strung together Vikings like this and so
00:28:27
I go but overall he's very nice >> and I'm my big part of the story was
00:28:33
>> I'm such a little uh investigative journalist I go because I could tell
00:28:37
he's a little sore from a recent operation moving a little stiff but being very nice helping me
00:28:42
>> and he's had several since then. >> So, at that point, I said, "Do you think
00:28:46
you'll ever golf again?" This is just off camera bullshitting. And he was like, "I don't know why I
00:28:52
said it because I'm like, you're sore. You're getting all like, do you want to
00:28:55
just keep doing it or does it hurt your neck?" >> She's smarty pants.
00:28:59
>> Yeah. He goes, "I mean, I hope so. Yeah, I think so. I I mean, I'll get through
00:29:03
this." And I go, "Great." Crashes that next morning and like smashed his feet
00:29:07
and everything. I'm like, "Oh, after this one, will you?" And then it
00:29:12
was like he was immediately better than me again within seconds. Like I can't
00:29:17
even stand up. Oh, better than Spade. So he got good again. But then I saw four articles so far, Heather. David Spade
00:29:27
claims Tiger Wood was on so many Vicodin right before his crash. >> Where did that come? It comes out in
00:29:34
these articles because >> it's out now. Yeah, that's a good thing to say and twist into that because
00:29:42
>> yeah, >> he just crashed. He said, you know, they found two pain pills on him. I guess he
00:29:48
popped the other 28, but they found two pain pills on him. So, this falls into that where they can go, oh, before his
00:29:55
last crash, even though I'm joking, obviously. Spade says he was really, and
00:30:00
it's like, oh boy. Actually, we have a video from the Masters. Should we show
00:30:04
it, Dana? if you're locked and loaded. I mean, >> Greg, if you have that, let's show.
00:30:10
>> You know, the thing about Tiger Woods and and Lindsay Vaughn, who's a skier,
00:30:15
is >> that they dated for a while and they're both unbelievably tenacious, indeicable
00:30:21
about injuries. Like, she wants to come back now. He'll he'll after this, he
00:30:27
will play again. He'll play in the Masters. He'll >> be better than me immediately.
00:30:31
>> Yeah. They just don't know how to quit. >> This is a live shot from the Masters.
00:30:35
Okay. This is Yeah. >> There's Tiger. >> Yeah. Tiger punch. >> Doing that.
00:30:44
>> Oh my god. He's here. Tiger's here. >> They say, "Where's Tiger?" I could They
00:30:49
>> I know. We clipped the beginning. Where's Tiger? >> Where's Tiger? And then there it comes.
00:30:53
Yeah. Anyway, it's just somebody with chronic pain trying to get relief from
00:30:59
it. And you know, he'll get he'll get >> Lindsay Vaughn with a scaffolding on her
00:31:03
legs. I'm like, and then I I heard her family's miffed that she's talking about
00:31:07
coming back. I would be worried about her, too. Of course, that's normal. >> No, when they said we might have to
00:31:12
amputate, she was already just on the phone signing up. Uh, Switzerland next summer. Yes, I'll be there.
00:31:17
>> Mogul. Yep. >> They took a foot. >> Oh boy. >> They actually they had a safe cracker
00:31:28
come in just to make the sound effect with Lindsay's foot. All fixed. >> They got the ear to her leg like this.
00:31:40
>> No, but you got to do the sound effects of some kind. >> When in doubt, go with a
00:31:48
>> Yeah, just any any >> that could be anything. Okay, so Howard Stern was delightful.
00:31:55
>> Anyway, that worked out. I hadn't done it in a long time. And uh >> we can get to some uh news. I want to do
00:32:01
a quick Joe Biden because, you know, people get all they got all riled about Tim Dylan and everything. So, here's Joe
00:32:08
Biden uh talking about the Iran conflict, you know. >> Okay, great. Here's Biden, everybody.
00:32:16
>> Folks, I'm not getting around here. >> Very serious. >> And guess what? And by the way, the fact
00:32:25
of the matter, guess what? >> I mean, serious. I'm not getting around.
00:32:30
No joke. Come on, folks. Get your facts straight. I close the straight amuse faster ever close it. Um, it is closed.
00:32:38
I got Come on, Jack. Get your facts straight. I mean, say it's going to open. Open straight home. No one ever
00:32:44
opened it better than I had. Come on, folks. >> Who opened sesame? >> Open sesame.
00:32:53
Who? The guy said that was Yule Briner. 1952 and 48. Corn Pop and everybody else.
00:33:02
I'm Joe Biden scene. >> I love it. That was a good one. I like he starts.
00:33:09
>> I haven't done him in a while. >> It's a good one, dude. He's mumbling.
00:33:12
>> I like him. I root for him. I can't help it. >> I like when it's Iran. He gets serious.
00:33:16
He goes, "Hey, come on." He starts a little quieter instead of mad. >> Well, yeah. That is his thing. Get
00:33:21
really, really soft. Yeah, that's straight or muse. Right. I know close it faster.
00:33:30
I like anyone. Sir, I have a question. Zip it, Jack. >> Get your fat straight, Jack.
00:33:36
>> You're going to fight everyone. He's not >> Take out behind the woodshed. Beat the
00:33:39
hell out of you. >> Guys like Donald Trump. I don't know what to do with him. I just take him
00:33:43
behind the woodshed. I'm like, you haven't beat up anyone in your life. Are
00:33:46
you What are you talking about? That was a good one, though. Let's move the [ __ ]
00:33:52
>> Let's move it on. What do we got? >> Buzzing around, dude. >> Oh, buzzing around. Yeah. Okay. You're
00:33:58
on your own on this one. I'm gonna let you pick your scenario. >> Okay, we're gonna have
00:34:03
>> pick three impressions. Okay, I I'll I'll set you up. Hold on. Ready?
00:34:07
>> Okay, let's see. >> Okay, hold on. >> Uh >> buzzing around here. It's time your
00:34:13
favorite. >> Let's do this set up. >> Sponsored by Five Hour Energy with a
00:34:17
wide variety of bold flavors to choose from. Uh you get as much caffeine as a 12-hour premium cup of coffee with zero
00:34:24
sugar and zero sugar crash. Find fiveour energy shots online at www.fivourgy.com
00:34:32
or Amazon today. Dana is going to do a little bit. He's got He's gonna try to
00:34:38
>> I'm gonna try. Okay. >> Try to entertain you. >> Oh, okay. This begins with Hans.
00:34:47
>> Hans and Fr. >> Hans and Fron holding a press conference claiming what they're going to do.
00:34:52
>> I like them. >> Yeah. Hello everybody. We >> I like the setup.
00:35:01
I'm gonna take a sip. Hello everybody. I'm Hans and I'm France and we are here to announce that we can
00:35:16
fly around the moon faster than the auto. What are you allergic to my comedy? >> I'm a Yeah. No, this bit is funny and
00:35:29
I'm ruining it. That's about the funny part. >> We are here to announce that we could
00:35:33
fly around the room better than the Optimus spaceship. It's such a little spaceship. It flies around and we could
00:35:42
go around the moon and get a lot closer than Optimus. >> Guess what? A lot of people go, "Look at
00:35:48
all the craters on the moon. Who do you think made the craters on the front with our muscles? We
00:35:56
pummeled the moon. And we made craters. Don't get me started about the rings of Saturn.
00:36:04
Another one of our nice pieces of work. Does anybody have any questions about us
00:36:09
flying out around the moon with just our muzzles, no spaceuits? >> Yeah. Oh, do you have a question?
00:36:18
>> No. >> Okay. Yeah. You're Senator John Kennedy. >> You're suggesting
00:36:26
>> that you can fly around the moon without a space suit or a spaceship just with
00:36:34
your muscles. Is that Is that what you're saying? Did I get that right? Is that correct? Did I get it right? You
00:36:40
got it better than right. You're totally on spot on. But guess what? Who really
00:36:46
supports us more than anyone in our endeavor? You remember Dean Martin? >> Not really. Go ahead.
00:36:54
>> Everybody Hans and Fr. Hans and Fr going around the moon. Oh, nobody can go faster. Hans
00:37:03
and Fr. Everybody loves the moon sometime. Get a little Brandy. When the moon hits your eyes,
00:37:13
>> that's a mor. I didn't think of that. When the moon last Oh, I had a little
00:37:26
went to the bar. Oh, David Spade bus boys coming out. April 17th. April 17th. Buzz boys. That's a spade and the old
00:37:38
von falling down of the dirt. Woo. >> That's the whole movie. By the way, it
00:37:43
sounds like he's been over at the copper penny by Warner Brothers. >> Well, do you know that was thing he he
00:37:49
wasn't really an alcoholic, but he just he pretended to be one, you know? >> Oh, like Foster Brooks. I thought Foster
00:37:55
Brooks was drunk and they kept inviting him to roast. And when I was like nine, I'm like, why do they invite this
00:38:03
[ __ ] drunk guy? Yeah. >> Every time he's going to be drunk. >> And you couldn't in those days, you
00:38:09
could. His whole shtick was that he was just just plastered. Hey, I want to now I'm doing Dean Martin. But
00:38:16
>> Oh, funny though. >> Couldn't do it now. No, I loved it. That
00:38:19
was >> And he hiccuped a lot. He go >> Yeah. Comedians were an assortment pack.
00:38:24
Everyone had their >> There's no like fake drunk comedians anymore. Uh, no. There's people who
00:38:30
drink on their podcasts that we don't do anymore. Remember the early episodes of
00:38:36
this? We just be shitfaced. >> Yeah. >> Now we're boring and sterile.
00:38:41
>> Now we're boring and sterile. >> All right, let's look at a That was Oh,
00:38:45
wait, wait, I got to Oh, hey, wait. I got to wrap it up. Okay, >> got to wrap it up.
00:38:48
>> That was Bluzzing Around starring Dana Garby. Sponsored by Five Energy's tasty
00:38:53
caffeine flavors. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle. Five energy shots pack the flavors of the season.
00:39:00
>> Senator John Kennedy and the late great Dean Martin were our guests. >> Yes. Five energy shots at five
00:39:08
energy.com or Amazon today. >> Let's show some news stories. >> We never get to enough good news
00:39:17
stories. >> Okay. By the way, >> locked and loaded. >> Oh, this coat and and New York subway
00:39:23
stuff is always funny to me. Yeah, this guy's just at the subway. Would you wear
00:39:28
this coat? And is this you? >> Is that a guy? >> Cockroach. >> Oh,
00:39:36
they're just grossed out. >> Why on God's green earth, >> unless this cost 40 grand, I would wear
00:39:43
it. But why would you wear on the way to SNL? Why would Dana wear this coat? >> Yeah. And why was the camera when I when
00:39:52
I put on my [ __ ] coat, as I call it, it's a short cockat >> put on my [ __ ] coat. Um, and I just do
00:39:59
it because there's so many cockroaches in New York and people go, "Hey, you got
00:40:03
some? I got some." And you squeeze in a couple that are alive and then they
00:40:08
start going at it like gladiators, >> right? and they fight for the arm or whatever
00:40:18
the best place is to hang out. >> Hey man, only in New York. You got some very
00:40:22
>> only in New York. >> You got some eccentrics out there. Some people are naked. Some people wear
00:40:28
cockroach jackets. You know what I mean? >> Yeah. There's a Subway creatures uh
00:40:32
Instagram and you always see crazy real people just film someone else on there. >> Do you ever When's the last time you
00:40:40
took the subway? >> I know. Oh, I thought you you've never taken it, but I used to take it at SNL
00:40:45
all the time. And then when I go back, I did a few times, but the bars are kind of grossly slippery from not sure what.
00:40:55
And it's a little steamy down there. It definitely has a distinct smell. Not
00:41:00
horrible, just weird subway smell all the time. >> Yeah. And you get in your chair and
00:41:04
you're like, "Okay, I'll be uptown in five minutes." you know, and then you're
00:41:07
kind of you got newspaper, whatever, your cell phone, and then you hear a voice in front of the cab. You're in the
00:41:14
train car. >> Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please? I'm a man in need of
00:41:22
a little bit of help. So, I'm going to come around to you and just give what
00:41:26
you can. And so, then they're p you're waiting for them to come. You're trying
00:41:30
to find a buck >> to get to you and they're like, or they put on a show
00:41:34
>> cuz you're just sitting in your chair. you can't leave. You're just like,
00:41:37
"Yeah, >> that's why I don't." >> And I don't know why for the one time
00:41:42
that you did that. I was like, "Spate should be at 8H rehearsing for, you know, Gap Girls."
00:41:49
>> I was undercover homeless guy. >> Ladies and gentlemen, I have not been in
00:41:54
a lot of sketches lately. I can >> I need some stage time. >> I'm gonna try out some of my new bits.
00:42:01
Yeah. All right. What else you got? >> Okay. What else we got? I can tell when
00:42:04
you're restless. >> No, I'm just leading us. >> Oh, there's more. This is just something
00:42:13
to revisit later, but somehow another mysterious NASA death, the ninth scientist linked to these programs is
00:42:21
dead. It's so odd when people start dropping like flies >> that are associated with something and
00:42:27
you go, >> "This is not normal. This is not normal." I remember when it was up to
00:42:32
five and I'm like that's too many that just know something. Then one guy
00:42:36
disappeared. Remember he walked somewhere and they couldn't find him. They never found him. And it's all
00:42:41
weird. We're going to come back to the story. I'm just dogearing it as odd.
00:42:46
>> Well, let's play detective for like >> Okay, go ahead. >> One 30 seconds. And I'm just putting
00:42:51
this out there rhetorically. >> Why and who would want to have these NASA scientists not exist? Would it be
00:43:01
I'm not going to say Satan because that's that other character. >> A good line. That was a good wind up for
00:43:05
it though. >> Could it be Satan or could it be AI? >> They might know too much about something
00:43:14
and they got to get rid of them. Yeah. I mean, >> nine >> in the same field that know a lot of the
00:43:20
same information, whatever it is, >> UFOs, AI. There's a guy today that was
00:43:26
testifying against Bill Gates. mysteriously died again. These things happen and you go probably just happens.
00:43:34
But, >> you know, I'll just throw this out there and I know it's not what people think,
00:43:38
but I think, you know, everyone's focused on Mars and getting out of our solar system.
00:43:43
>> Everyone, >> I'm going to go on record saying I believe there's an underground civilization
00:43:50
inside the moon. >> I like this idea. >> Yeah, I knew you would. You love this.
00:43:56
But they could be inside the moon. >> We should do Shark Tank and people pitch
00:44:02
us conspiracy theories because and we go maybe. I think there's a lot they always
00:44:08
show stuff coming in out of the moon like shooting out if you get they push in close. You just never know if it's
00:44:13
real. But I do like this crazy idea. And also the ocean I believe. >> Well, I got excited.
00:44:21
>> We have a video here that they said the government put out about UFOs. Let's see
00:44:25
if they Oh, maybe we'll get to it because that one they said it's one of
00:44:29
the ones they just put out and then no one even really pays attention anymore. >> Well, the this spaceship Artemis went on
00:44:36
the dark side of the moon and no one's ever seen it before. And they said Houston Artemis one and they said they
00:44:43
were seeing really weird symmetrical areas. >> Oh, they did say that. >> Yes. And then and then they cut them
00:44:50
off. Yeah. >> I would not go for all the tea in China. Okay. This is an Area 51, but this says,
00:44:57
now these are all [ __ ] but this says, this is one the government released >> footage of a UFO landing at Area 51 and
00:45:06
then jumping back up into space or wherever it was at an extremely fast speed. >> Now, the strange thing is they just
00:45:13
released this, put it up on the news, and was like basically like ju just check this out. And people might say
00:45:20
that that's fake, but it's not because the government has already been doing
00:45:24
this. They did this like way back in 2021 where they just started showing footage of UFOs flying in the sky and
00:45:30
they're like, "Yeah, guys freak out. These things are out there." >> And you got to get prepared and get
00:45:35
ready for once they start showing up more. So now they want you to know that this stuff is out there.
00:45:40
>> All right, you can get out. But >> well, why? I mean, so Anderson Cooper
00:45:44
sees this and goes, "Nah, let's not do anything about that." I mean, I don't
00:45:47
know because does anyone believe anything anymore? But when they start releasing stuff,
00:45:54
>> Well, was that real that it was released? Then I'm I'm all in, man.
00:45:57
Because it looked very >> right. And if it is, what does it mean? If it isn't, obviously, it just goes
00:46:01
away. But I think people at this point just shrug their shoulders and go, I think they're here. As long as they
00:46:07
don't attack us, I don't really care. I mean, they're always pilots saying they
00:46:12
saw someone. Someone famous just said they saw Oh, Casey Musgrave said there was one following her plane.
00:46:19
So, I I don't know. I mean, >> well, that was Baldface. You just see it
00:46:23
come down and then it shoots up. Unless it was some humanoid thing. Was it uh going faster or doing things that are
00:46:32
impossible for a >> It looked like it. Yeah. >> Like me, I always doing things that are
00:46:39
impossible. >> Yeah. When Keano called me after that press John goes Spade was sitting up in
00:46:43
the chair doing things faster and weirder than even thought possible. >> He sat in a bar stool for almost 45
00:46:50
minutes. It's never been >> and didn't order a drink. You know why
00:46:54
they have bar stools? >> It's a bar stool. >> Well, because they wanted they didn't
00:46:58
want to get double wide chairs like that. They wanted to get bar stools so they could fit more right up the bar and
00:47:03
make more money. And they said, "Well, what about people with bad necks or bad
00:47:07
backs? They're just sitting up on this bar stool." They go, "Don't worry. You
00:47:10
get two grasshoppers in them, they don't feel dead." >> That's true. [ __ ] them and feed them
00:47:15
fish. That's what they said. Who cares? >> You're great, Wall-E. We're going to be
00:47:18
rich. >> What's that from? >> I don't know. This is kind of a G's
00:47:22
cousin. >> Yeah, I thought it was a way. >> Okay, next one. >> I'm going to do this face the rest of
00:47:28
the podcast. >> I like your G face. >> That'll hurt your jaw. Be careful. Be
00:47:35
careful. Okay. This would you do this now when you see these tribes and they're doing
00:47:41
these things. >> Oh, yeah. Okay. It's a bungee, right? >> Oh, it is a bun. Yeah. Okay.
00:47:45
>> Yeah. >> Big [ __ ] wind up with this. >> What is it? We don't know. It's dirt
00:47:52
jumping. >> No, thank you. What is the plan? >> This guy had some uh oyasa before he got
00:48:02
up there. Is this live from Coachella? >> He's higher than the uh platform.
00:48:10
>> What are they chanting? >> I don't know if he's supposed to land in
00:48:13
the dirt >> because jump and land and you're like, whoa. >> No, he's not. It's going to stop his
00:48:20
fall. The bungee there. It catches him. Yeah. >> Right before the dirt. >> Oh, he stood up. That was
00:48:29
>> what? >> I did not see that. the if the hill was not slanted like that, he would have got
00:48:34
smashed. >> He looks like he's doing okay. >> Um I looked up it took 37 years to build
00:48:43
that structure cuz they don't have modern tools. >> No. >> Yeah.
00:48:48
>> No, but they make [ __ ] work. They got >> You know what is truly kind of fun? Have
00:48:52
you ever done Have you ever had a really cool lake >> and a really nice rope swing
00:48:59
>> that wasn't too scary, but it was kind of scary and you'd go up and go in the
00:49:02
water? >> Remember that? >> Upper arm. >> Don't tear up on me.
00:49:07
>> I'm also thinking a lot of those people in the village were boycotting that,
00:49:11
saying, "Why are we spending so many sticks on the bungee plank when we could
00:49:17
be making more huts and like a little mall?" No, that mean that means that they they built their whole town and all
00:49:24
their huts and everything and then they had leftover wood and said, "What do you
00:49:27
want to do?" Bungee. >> That's what you think. >> And everyone's like, "Why are we doing a
00:49:31
bungee platform when not all of us love it? It's not our thing." >> I don't know. I
00:49:39
>> I'll go to the tribe. We'll get to the bottom of this. All right. Let's do two
00:49:42
more. >> Two more. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. >> We never get to these. There's so many
00:49:47
that are funny. Well, they're evergreen though, which is great. Pretty much my buddy for you. Yeah. Okay. So, people
00:49:56
don't know, I did a sitcom with Mickey Rooney in 1980. >> Spent a lot of time with him. Brilliant
00:50:01
actor. Really funny. Kind of kind of crazy. >> This guy interviews Mickey Rooney about
00:50:05
his Twilight Zone episode. >> Okay. >> And Mickey is typical Mickey. Watch
00:50:10
>> for the first time. >> I don't care. >> Yeah. So, you're the creep.
00:50:13
>> What today's audience doesn't understand, and maybe we could put this
00:50:16
in context. You're playing a jockey. But they don't understand that for many
00:50:20
years, anytime anybody said anything about a short, you were the butt of jokes. >> Oh, I I'm tired of that chump.
00:50:27
>> Had you met Rod ever, sir? >> Yeah. The worst interview. >> Do you remember where orction?
00:50:32
>> I don't remember anything about it. >> Wish I could help you.
00:50:35
>> What was going on with you while you were making this? >> I don't remember. It's too long ago.
00:50:41
>> That's very Mickey. How do you feel looking you know looking at his
00:50:44
performance comp you know what do you >> I mean it's just a performance I don't
00:50:48
know what what to say about it >> as in what kind of preparation would you
00:50:52
have >> nothing just did it >> that's very Mickey there's no
00:50:56
preparation for things like this you just >> watch these would you have played them
00:50:59
differently >> no you play them for what they were at the at the moment that you're doing
00:51:04
>> I love it >> did you have any more direct contact with Rod like on the comedian that
00:51:09
>> No you remember reading the scissy Somebody said they script the words was
00:51:15
>> they were natural. This is >> totally him. >> Yeah. You didn't ask.
00:51:18
>> Well, no. I told you about it. I said that it was all going to be miniature
00:51:21
around me. >> But I was looking for you to explain to the younger audience because they don't
00:51:25
understand. >> The younger audience doesn't want to see. >> That's what that's who's watching this.
00:51:28
>> No, it isn't. They're they're watching sex. >> The kids are watching this. This is what
00:51:34
this my kid is 19. He would have been with me, but he's back at Berkeley. This
00:51:38
is what kids are watching. That's why I want to set up the context of >> Well, I I hope that the youngsters are
00:51:45
watching this because it's very >> interesting filmicatically. >> I have no complaints.
00:51:52
>> They should take courses. >> All right, you can get out. I just like
00:51:54
he's so resistant to the whole interview. The guy keeps trying to extract an answer. He's like, "Not at
00:51:59
all. No, I don't care. I show up. I read my lines. What do you want?" >> Yeah. His thing is, you just do it
00:52:04
natural. See, just do it natural. and he played this character Bill who was sort
00:52:09
of autistic or something. He got an Emmy for it and he would do it. We'd be eating lunch. He goes, "Yeah, I could do
00:52:15
you just do it. Here's Bill." You know, hey, I'd like some food. You like He was
00:52:23
certifiable. I could see that I was the number one star in the world. You hear me? Bang.
00:52:30
>> I like He's already bitter in that. Did you see that Twilight Zone he was in?
00:52:35
Oh my god, it was fantastic. It's such a It's a be careful what you wish for.
00:52:39
He's a jockey and he's desperate in this hotel room and he wants to get bigger.
00:52:45
He wants to not be a short. >> Yeah. He wants to get bigger and I guess he gets drunk. He falls asleep and then
00:52:52
he he's so big he can't get out of the room. I'm too big. I'm too big.
00:52:59
He goes, "Kids will like it." He goes, "They're not going to like this [ __ ]
00:53:02
shit." I said to him once, "How did you date all those starlets of the Eva
00:53:07
Gardner, all the knockouts at Mickey Rooney?" He go, he he goes, "Who was the
00:53:12
best?" And he goes, "You'll never know." I go, "You'll never know." And I go,
00:53:18
"But how did you get them?" He goes, "Money makes you handsomemer." He made
00:53:23
up a word. I think money makes you handsomemer. But he was certifiable. But I think bitterness would kill him. Live
00:53:30
to 95. Incredible energy. Just a pistol. >> Love him. >> You want to challenge me? This fire plug
00:53:37
will take you apart. He referred to himself as a fire >> of my dad. Uh, okay. Let's do one more.
00:53:45
And Danny's got to get out of here. >> Mhm. >> Oh, the guy builds a custom submarine to
00:53:50
take his parrot scuba diving. >> Interesting. These don't end well, these
00:53:56
stories. >> Now, you know what? Also, the parrot just probably thinks he's drowning the
00:54:00
whole time. >> Like, >> we don't know how they process things. >> They don't want to be under the water
00:54:06
for your amusement. >> Oh, I see what he did. Yeah. Can he tell if it's yapping or did it say anything?
00:54:14
Parent's like, "Is it shark week? I don't want to be down here."
00:54:18
>> Don't like games. Supposed to be on land with air. [ __ ] you. [ __ ] [ __ ] you, submarine.
00:54:27
Call me back up. Joke's over. That's a nice run. I hope you're happy. I [ __ ] my pants.
00:54:37
You go to Toledo. Nice hop to Pittsburgh. This is a If your agent is a parrot. >> Hope you get a lot of clicks. It's not
00:54:47
>> Guess you don't like money. >> Guess you don't like money.
00:54:51
Dana doesn't like money, >> dude. It's a great hook. Make a noise.
00:54:58
Say what the parrot says, then do another noise. >> Yeah, you have to in between so the
00:55:03
audience never forgets that you're doing a parrot. You have to go. I'm a parrot
00:55:08
now. I can say anything I want. You know, full school and 20 years ago. Parrot talking here. What does Piers
00:55:15
Morgan think about this? Uhoh. Uhoh. Here he goes. >> Stick number 48C. So, you two have made another podcast.
00:55:28
Did you Did you actually think it was entertaining? >> That's debatable, but well, I thought
00:55:33
this one was pretty good. I was laughing a lot. >> It sort of ambled along, you know, with
00:55:37
jokes and you laughing at your own jokes. You think the audience finds that entertaining?
00:55:44
>> I I think Yeah. I mean, yeah. If we're having fun, I mean, I guess that's good.
00:55:48
>> I guess that's your whole idea. Rather than to entertain, as long as you have
00:55:52
fun, everyone should be happy. Is that what you think? Well, I do think that. So, now I'm rethinking it because you're
00:55:57
making me feel like it's not right. >> Hey, come on. Leave him alone. >> I thought I thought it was a good show.
00:56:04
I liked it. >> Sneaky Obama. >> It was a good show. Good show. President
00:56:08
Obama, why am I so much taller than you at this time? I don't know, but God bless America.
00:56:14
>> All right, that's good. I do like Piers Morgan now. That's funny. He was really
00:56:19
impressing me on that. >> Well, I like the rhythm. I'm starting I starting to come on to it. It's always
00:56:23
him at the end. Is that Is that what you think? >> I like it cuz it's really a good
00:56:28
observation. Like, so this is a show in your mind. >> Yeah. This is what you want. Is this
00:56:32
your thing? Bus Boys opposite Loren Michaels. Is that sort of disrespectful? >> Two two gentlemen falling in the dirt
00:56:40
over and over. >> Cuz he's got a polite thing, but it's it's very, you know, pointed. So, he's
00:56:46
good at what he does, you know. >> Yeah, he is good. I do think it's funny
00:56:48
because he he gets [ __ ] on too sometimes. >> Oh, he's funny. I like I like I hope you
00:56:53
had fun with us, Dana. Hope you Thanks for coming. >> I thought it was fun. I mean, you
00:56:57
>> God, we did long. >> Jesus, Christopher. Oh, I guess we got ourselves a two-parter.
00:57:05
>> Yeah, busted. >> Don't be mad at my hair. >> I It looks cool. You're right.
00:57:12
>> All right. Thanks everybody. Bye. Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:57:19
which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, fivestar rating, or maybe even
00:57:26
share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this
00:57:30
episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. >> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:57:36
an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and
00:57:43
Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:57:50
Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. >> Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan
00:57:56
Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt Kourtney, and
00:58:06
Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at
00:58:12
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