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[Music] we're adding exponentially that's so cool as the quality of the show goes down our numbers go up so I don't really as it goes sort of reverse thing but I
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always wanted to say this anyway hey man if you're enjoying anything I know this just two guys talking but you want to
00:00:18
smash that subscribe [ __ ] out of it break that that'll really help the podcast make sure it clicks but then
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break it off smash it just punch it [Music] this called a soft start this is a soft start my hair which I announced recently publicly
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yeah um I live a 100 miles away from the person who cuts my hair so I did I didn't read about that that you live 100 miles away from here it was in People magazine kind of in the back just one of those short stories um so it's 200 miles
00:00:52
to get a trim so if anyone has any problem with this mop top I think it looks better like mine is so bad I put the hat back on but you know the hat is always kind of in the mix but today it's
00:01:04
it was more of an emergency situation I got a haircut and things didn't go well the girl that Combs my hair with a blow
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dryer charges me $90,000 every time uh she is on vacay and so we're going to have to be de com 5 for a while as long as you can handle it no
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all you're going to be as the man the man with the hat yeah hatra beat up I went to Magic Mountain yesterday let me tell you something more mountain than magic but I'll will get
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into that later uh Magic Mountain is a theme park where it's boiling out and there's it's
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110 yeah last time I went it was 107 yesterday was 101 I'm like good God why are we going always it's my daughter's birthday and she wanted to go and great guy syndrome you know oh here's a here's
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an ALT if this happens again during if she's here for a while hey hey um maybe instead of Magic Mountain why don't you and I go to the mall and get you a cute
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top hey why don't I push you in the pool hey hey in there this is Plan B yeah I like that you nibbling on your little rat food I I always feel like
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King Henry VII or something yeah anyway Superfly we started this was like Lauren
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Lauren always had his popcorn um uh any ask Kenny if we can is there any way can we lose the elephant ask Kenny if we could lose the elephant and maybe have a like a giraffe Steve Martin is he
00:02:41
in town Marcy will you check uh maybe we could throw him in there might want to do Hollywood minute
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this week with Steve um David's always game so I saw twister after I baked the godamn I mean I was at the thing it must have been 20
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minutes magic M no it was about five hours and even the people that work there are blacking out it's all bad and
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they have misters but they don't they're not on the saddest part is when you leave it's all fun in games the
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beginning when you leave everyone stands about s feet apart and it's a two mile walk and sunny concrete and and no one's
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having fun anymore it's just a dead stair like must make it no one talks like can we no must car get to and
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so we just the most horrible walk of boiling shame and then we get to the van and and then it goes wait let me hang on this is
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funny that's me starting the that one oh and then it's like oh so you were a tour
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okay well everyone's sick yeah we had a tour guide overcharging us to walk us around in oh you did for $2,000 a day
00:03:59
no it's actually $500 a person $500 a person and you how Okay so $2,000 a day yeah so I I go and and then um and then you if you go on one ride like crazanity
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or something you immediately barf that's almost part of it they always hose it down they were hosing down crazanity
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when we got there they go well let's go to one more because we got a bit of a hose down guys I this hose down yep
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going to be about 15 so they don't like to hose it down but they kind of have to when there's barf spray they the ride
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down or the they hose down the seats and stuff and they're boiling hot with and then there's so much puking
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going on even I my friend said on the way home the uh they had the Backstreet Boys on and it was and so many people were sick it kind of synced up like
00:04:52
everybody rock your body fit in the song well if you buy for on YouTube we'll hear it's funny a ride called the vomit Comet then you can't the vomit Comet the upchuck Hut
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you get inside this this Safari Hut and they start shaking it up and down to the upchuck the upchuck Hut is great um
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let's see other River diarrhea River yeah that one they have to clean it out every three hours but um
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Ur urine cave um had an interesting odor yeah PP Island you just go well just it's a wink and a nod cuz the bathrooms have lines 20 mil long so they go urine cave is
00:05:39
available now for you know and so it's kind of like they hook the misters up to the peeee and it just sprays Misty pee
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on you which is fine CU you're so hot you don't care then you get in the car and you're like wait I who pissed and
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you that's me well at least I lived well wait a minute if someone sprayed urine on you would you be so hot you didn't
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care so the minute the urine started you try to light her toward your face I just got to get so hot that I don't care I
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don't think any amount of heat negates urine in your face why aren't any pranksters walking by a perfume store
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and going and just it's pee it's like a bot of pee and you're like ah well this is out tomorrow so by afternoon tomorrow it'll it'll be happening at the Grove near The Cheesecake Factory I went to
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The Grove last night I went to The Cheesecake Factory okay here we are this is our new segment called David at the
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movies all right you always this one's a little hyped up because all right I don't really have anything but I did go
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to cheese dick Factory and uh it was cheesecake was pretty good and uh it's right next to the movies that's part of the review well that throw away cheese dick
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Factory I'm still kind of laughing at that only because it was so low by you snuck that in yeah yeah uh then we go in
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ball sack Bakery go ahead there's no uh tickets anymore it's your phone y can you hold a little closer hold a little closer I say yep I take my um
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daughter and her friend and the nanny I like that I'm so incompetent that Nanny has to even come
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to that I'm incompetent in case anything happens show on popcorn so anyway I give her 50 bucks I go he get some popcorn for you and your friend I'd like to see 49 back and some receipts um
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so uh uh then they start the two hours of previews then every movie is a scary movie preview which is terrifying and if it's based on a true story I'm really out
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there's no way I don't like the devil I don't want any of that stuff so I get through that and then twister I saw the
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first one this is not really like the first one I have to say I kind of liked it uh no tornadoes no I'm kidding uh
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there are tornadoes but how do you keep it interesting so there's there's obviously a big corporation that
00:08:03
everyone to hat it's a big conglomeration you know what I mean you got to have a bad guy that's the bad
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guy but it was interesting the lead gu is the tall guy from Top Gun smiles a lot and he's the cocky guy with a big truck and Daisy is her name Edgar Jones
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Daisy Edgar Jones who's British but does a Great British and you wouldn't believe it cuz she's like hey man I'm hornier
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than a three peeck billy goat you're like okay sh just just a regular slight ACC and cut and she goes I thought it
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was a terrific thing was perfect I should be in my trailer I just came from sens sensibility yes s sensibility and Sensibility too yeah she wore a coret in
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most the finish your take on this because I have my happy oh did you see it oh yeah day one but the reason I went
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is because it was 107 where I live and instead of going to amusement park like some people are I know like some dipit I
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went to an air conditioned movie theater but go ahead what what's your takeway on twister um Twisters I thought you'll
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know this the the cocky guy is too cocky and what they didn't notice is Glen pal
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ladies and gentlemen who was great and this Daisy girl who plays a normal American it's funny you think Americans don't always play English people right never no we can't I asked someone this
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recently I met an Australian guy we can all do accents he goes cuz we watch all your movies so British actors and Australian actors have been growing up on American movies so they do perfect
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American accents oh there you go because we never go there and steal their parts
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there I said it so anyway they come over here and so she's like um you know she's she's perfectly has a quiet goat roper accent and uh but she's like the
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prissy girl they think from the City remember New York City yeah he called her City girl City girl City girl got got a fancy he hey look at city girl
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likes a big blowing windy wind huh and meanwhile I thought they were going to beat her up it's like that's how a fight starts with me when I walk through a
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town look at the city boy so uh uh the guy this is funny Dana because Glenn pal and his his buddies they're the Rowdy stormchasers and they're like woohoo every time they see him ye
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yippe but it was literally like them just yelling like that for about 15 minutes no one had any lines yet and
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they're like yeehaw howy Dy no matter where the main car was driving they would come out of nowhere and show up
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along and go woo you have fun yet C girl and it's like a giant you know tornado yeah tornado yeah and it was a lot of yippy Cay and I that was the funniest part to me I go they should just cut
00:10:56
this together as a montage of all the ye and because they got to show that he's the cocky Brash guy but it was too much anyway she's super cute she's already
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she already uh I can't give the whole but she chases I I think it'll be okay yeah it's not like The Godfather by the way remember when she had a she had a
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very a bad situation in a twister at the beginning so the first the first new guy that likes her goes let's head to the
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Twister uh what's my job well you'll be in front of the Twister oh I'll be in front where it's coming this way there's
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three jobs two behind it one in front of it we're in front of it he doesn't even go this might be hard for you this might
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be triggering he's like ye and she's like like this on the way there and then he stops in front of it she's like let's
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get the [ __ ] out of her because you know well first of all there's no better scene in films where someone is hanging
00:11:53
onto a piper and underpass the other person has them by the hand and then they fly into the sky and you don't see
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what happens to them there was like 10 of those oh everyone was [ __ ] the other thing I liked is the
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the rednecks and the truck not SC More than not scared just cackling with joy going right into a a stage five tornado
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like come on let's go in boys and then like a Scooby Do Myst van they press a button and these screws go down in the
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earth so they they can take there you go yeah and then the other thing I love which I guess from the first movie is they have these super sophist iated things shooting stuff in the tornadoes
00:12:31
to stop them and they give him like Wizard of Oz names okay Dorothy's off you know let's bring out the Tin Man
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Okay scarecrows firing I just like that stuff I like they they got all these buckets of stuff and they're like this
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is oxy clean or whatever you know they have some some chemical fake chemical name that will defeat the tornado you're
00:12:50
making it bigger they actually made you gave the tornado a boner I love how you're going for Clips
00:13:01
what David is sneaking up to the camera and making him YouTube that's a good hey
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hey by the way Dana I don't know if you got the memo YouTube here here's me watching the movie okay go
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ahead you starting on here in your work up boner yeah boners are funny horny Tor
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they make the tornadoes hornier oh no we got the wrong mix and then there's twins there's two tornadoes you know we got
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twins dang it twins they're the happiest humans in on Earth we we're going to die
00:13:34
all right by the way there's there's the there go should we go to the 1:00 tornado the 3 o'cl or the F because
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every time they turn around there's a tornado and they're always you know within a mile of each one and they have
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the British reporter in the back seat remember that guy oh yeah he was a [ __ ] nerd yeah I can't seem to get my
00:13:50
buckles on you sure we shouldn't stop hang on quit crapping your pants you fairy they don't have to see the movie we've done so much yeah that's it so that's the movie We're hurting their box
00:14:03
off we won't give it all away but uh I liked it I actually liked it I went away going it wasn't really what I thought
00:14:09
it's not exactly the first one pretty good right I judge a movie by what what was it trying to do and did it achieve it a popcorn movie that's fun
00:14:22
easy no heavy lifting don't think some cool CGI two really good leads yeah was great yeah okay so there's that uh oh get to your papers what's on the
00:14:35
paper well let's Biden gave a speech oh yeah this is what's what's in the news what's new uh Wednesday night um and it was kind of interesting
00:14:47
so the whole Biden thing I mean the he it seemed like there were a lot of Articles said it seemed like he had a gun to his head you know you could tell by his speech last night you know cuz he started going by the way if I'm a
00:15:01
transformable president one of the greatest president sits here did everything he's just talking about inflation down and took care of this
00:15:07
there's no Wars everything great but I'll leave if you want me to sure I you know I'm I'm bad guy now I'm a bad guy they loveed him a week ago it was like SpongeBob he's the greatest the Biden
00:15:20
train in a minute and it goes a few moments later and then he comes yeah get the [ __ ] out of here this guy can't be president he's me his mental acuity is shot 30 seconds before oh he lost his
00:15:33
softball come on man yeah he's fine but I I believe that Obama was there when they recorded it on Wednesday night stick on the stay on the cards oh yeah
00:15:45
do not stay on the prompter Joe don't add live stay on the prompter because but Biden went off I think in the first
00:15:51
take which has been leaked online he's like well great I'm better than Ronald wagan wheel this is faster than Wayne
00:15:58
Newton the greatest president in the history of the f c Mike St stay prompter Hunter can you do
00:16:07
anything these guys r h yeah Dad yeah just stay in the prompter dad you're good you
00:16:14
know the very notion by the way let's get real the matter of fact the matter is guess what I beat inflation I like because I know how to
00:16:26
be inflation what about is he the president still or not I don't he is the president of the United States he wants to finish a job the next six months well he he can't do
00:16:39
anything so is he gonna be the president or what well he doesn't believe that but he said I I had a a I had a presidency
00:16:46
that I thought merited a second term but I I have to fight democracy so I have to
00:16:51
leave yeah but he's not leaving he's going to be the president of this United take him now I mean all I see is Kamala
00:16:58
on TV it's like if she's the president then stuff her in there that's fine if he resigned made her president then she
00:17:05
would be running as a sitting president but I don't think he's GNA resign but he
00:17:12
still has till January to do I'll do an executive order I'm pardoning Hunter oh yeah is that a big one on the way out I I assume he will
00:17:23
most fathers would yeah yeah what about I have never meanwhile I don't even follow politics when I'm a kid like I never knew of this
00:17:34
big of an event happening where the president does that no Richard Nixon when I was a kid they pushed him out but he went on a speech to say he's going
00:17:46
out yeah and and uh Biden did I think on Twitter or Instagram or something which
00:17:52
is just or just an announce just like a press release right there was a month of
00:17:58
him fighting it like every time they going on an airplane M Mr President do you think you'll step down why would I
00:18:04
step down what are you talking about I me see at the convention he had all the money and he had he had 14 million votes
00:18:12
in the primary he had 4,000 delegates for the convention so a recent guess we had on
00:18:20
go he's got all the cards he's going to stay so then the kept pressuring and then when you get
00:18:25
Schumer and Nancy coming in you know there's that pressure and then they tell him the donors aren't going to give you any money they showed him the polling he still said yeah guess what
00:18:36
[ __ ] you yeah that was on like a like like Sunday night and they asked him something by the helicopter I couldn't
00:18:43
hear they might as well ask him in a sawmill the guy can't hear anyway and then you're like yelling and he's like
00:18:48
what what are you saying what am I saying I think he thought he logs I thought Richard Nixon it would have been different if you're a kid [Music]
00:19:00
and Richard Nixon uh resigns by just putting it on Tik Tok or something like looks like I'm out of here stay for part two smash that like button like And
00:19:12
subscribe uh and while you're here you know I got merch uh anyway hashtag I'm out hash forced out hash get [ __ ] he was really against his will he he had he
00:19:25
had to speak though he had to talk about it well it was all about for some reason he was 40 points ahead in PS but he had
00:19:31
these Watergate burglar going and try to steal information out of the DNC headquarters bunglers who got caught now if he'd come out the very next day there
00:19:41
were men in there that I'd never met and I regret very much that members of my team attempted a bur he could have gotten out of it yeah well here is the deal this is the greatest thing about
00:19:53
history of Richard Nixon Richard Nixon voluntarily sets up a recording device in the in the Oval Office to record his entire conversations private and Elsewhere for if he had not done that he
00:20:10
would have got off yeah he's on tape going we gotta get those [ __ ] so different circumstances Biden was a singularity in the history
00:20:22
of the Republic someone quitting under those circumstances after the first debate and all the pressure and they got
00:20:29
him out and um you know that now we're on to the next thing every week something amazing happens in Dr Jill
00:20:35
gonna have to start going back to the hospital Joey doing her rounds she's going to the Paris Olympics he but Joe
00:20:42
was like yeah I feel kind of down we stti around Joe gotta go to the Paris liic Joe you were sexier when you're
00:20:51
president he did lose some clout well yeah so now he's just alone eating cold soup they whole office I mean everybody split Hunter went back to West Holland with what's up you won't
00:21:03
hear from Joe Biden for a while then he'll pop out want to challenge Jake Paul to a fight he's got to get back in the news he's
00:21:09
thirsty I know it's it's kind of it's a little weird in the perfect world he would have done a an announcement in February rather than under this duress
00:21:20
you know with seconds to count if he made it another week they couldn't have got him out probably all right let's
00:21:26
look at some headlines and bore people in a different way we have all different ways to get what
00:21:32
we got headlines what's first [Music] one what is this stupid one oh this is funny you know Deadpool is a huge movie so they're drumming up any sort of press
00:21:48
this is the one that jumped out to me EP recalls grown men crying over Hugh Jackman's yellow costume when he came on the set no [ __ ] chance
00:21:59
no chance come on they cry you have to do that to make people go I'm part of history no they'd be like okay Hugh Jackman's on the set we've got number two on the set let's roll we're gonna
00:22:11
walk at once it needs a little time I mean one's the first time he put on the Wolverine suit 2004 or something you you
00:22:20
don't you don't cry with 16 17 years you cry if the you know the Tin man comes out in the Tin Man outfit Logan maybe 8 years ago 10 years
00:22:31
ago I don't know which is great I'm sure this will be great I'm just it's just so funny you've got enough press the movie
00:22:36
is doing well you don't need to leak this bull crud you got you got to stir the algorithm you got to feed the beast the AI and look how much we're talking about it Dana Carvey came out in the
00:22:48
church lady and there were grown men sobbing I sometimes because I've gotten more friendly as I've gotten older if people come up to me I will do a character back to them that's nice of
00:22:59
you I like Hans and France really look at you you little girl and they it makes them so happy I'm happy to do for sure
00:23:06
they should have Wolverine and Deadpool fight Hans and fron I mean mix it up Hans and frond can't fight anybody but they can
00:23:17
threaten to do a lot of things right they're very cocky yeah we could very easily listen Wolverine we could take
00:23:24
your little your your cuticles your little nails little you see they're so sharp guess
00:23:30
what yeah go ahead I have a file that'll dull your blades in your fingers my my bucks are so firm they're like a diamond drill they will go right through your soft little little marshmallow bucks
00:23:43
yeah you wipe your buts with your fingers you cut your balls off almost cuz he's got those swords on his finger
00:23:52
yeah sh yeah your sideburns are like little girl sideburns we could very easily flick your sideburns with our
00:23:59
little fingers and you would they're actually very large and you would across there's going to be weener flying everywhere like a vegematic you better look out Wolverine there might be a
00:24:10
wolverine coming up from behind and biting your flab btics Jesus they're supposed to be terrible that's I know I think they would scare Wolverine and Deadpool for a while but then no they're
00:24:22
trash awful I know but if they fought then it would get it would they probably their trash talk is awful that's what's
00:24:28
funny about it I know I love it you could very easily okay um all right next one mhm okay we cover that yeah we
00:24:36
covered that okay this one is called oh this is me I'm mad about this Disney Blacklist emper New Groove film is still banned from streaming on the Disney Channel or something yeah they
00:24:49
don't do this at the theme park this a big article this is a movie I did years ago just a voice but they don't do theme
00:24:56
they don't do they don't have little you know stuffed llamas they don't do anything and this was actually one
00:25:03
that's been living on it's it's pretty good well why is it banned they just don't get behind it like they get behind other ones so people get mad about it
00:25:14
and they said they found it that's they're legitimately like keeping it Shadow band that's horrible Dana this
00:25:21
was one of my favorite things I've ever done I guess that's me on the right in this photo and can we hear a little bit
00:25:27
of the voice yeah what do we got going here let me guess your your character I'm going I'm doing it let me guess stuck together
00:25:37
raging over raging River sharp rocks at the bottom bring it on something like that because we fell and we landed like so you didn't do a little goat Voice or anything you just you no I said what do
00:25:49
you want you want what kind of voice I do you want kind of this guy you want and they're like no you're nasly
00:25:55
annoying sarcastic flat humorless voice is fine I'm like okay with me I I always got to do a voice to go you're really Bor into something give a boring face and a
00:26:07
boring voice could you give us something we're paying you a fortune meanwhile the grumpy old man is a dog in the secret
00:26:14
life of pets at Universal City so you get in the little ride [ __ ] thing yeah welcome to the secret life of petch
00:26:22
ride and I'm just yelling at you why does a llama get rat [ __ ] the ride it in Broadway musicals that travel for decades make more than the movie 10 10x
00:26:34
like Lion King and stuff and the ride at Universal will make more than the movie
00:26:40
well guess what Disney I didn't see the Lion King take that there's a couple big movies I never
00:26:45
saw and that's one of them um it's okay fine I like alien Apocalypse Now I'm not exactly a lion king cat okay give me Deval on a boat saying it's I
00:26:58
love the smell of napom in the morning all right I don't need to see Nathan Lane as a cheetah bellowing out to a
00:27:06
canyon yeah give me Chinatown give me Chinatown did we we skipped over a couple things now we're still going okay but I have a couple oh you do well I I I
00:27:19
didn't think of anything other than that this was floated out there Trump being saved it was uh UFO and they have pictures what yeah alien intervention
00:27:29
move the bullet that's a real story on that I read the aliens moved it the aliens moved it we must save the orange man
00:27:39
that's all I've got we must keep the conflict alive make him head turned just a little
00:27:46
bit we want to take off part of his ear but not the whole thing I don't know give him weirdest bandage possible big
00:27:53
one at the convention then give him tiny one for later on when he's golf look at my thumbs up I'm I reviewed myself thumbs up that was a kill I reviewed myself I'm gonna try to get two
00:28:07
for my jokes come how does it work I have no idea why that let's see if you do again I we must get orange man we must save him with
00:28:19
mhm okay what's next one next one no rush okay oh this is a guy who does Nick chub play for now Heather you look it up
00:28:32
he was with I think the Browns forever Nick chub back in the gym eight months after I think he had a knee surgery and look at this [ __ ] he's up to where I am
00:28:44
now well aren't you aren't you hiding inside one of the things I think it's your hat Browns I
00:28:52
think unless are those what they call 45s and he's got those are 45s the barway is 45
00:28:59
uh I've never seen that many 45s well the bark is the if the bar was could talk it it would be crying because it's it's bent from the weight yeah the bar is like this isn't really what this was
00:29:12
meant for but I think those kind of bars Bend at a certain point but you don't want them to
00:29:18
snap you know you know you know what don't any human being live this lift this much weight if I had a dollar for every old guy I see in the gym bent over I lifted too heavy when I was young I
00:29:31
thought I was a musclean now I'm like I'm a [ __ ] I look like I'm an extra Lord of the Rings or
00:29:38
something exactly this guy he's doing a good job it's not healthy yeah it's not good for you do half of that and just get stronger you don't need to impress me but you know football's a rough game
00:29:50
they they want to um guys got to stay out there and be the best I get it my quads my quads are that
00:29:57
strong just from running around here and going to the Beverly Center um I'm I'm All I like the combo
00:30:06
of Anor robic exercise with strength training so like if that guy could actually do like a 100 real push-ups yeah I'd hand him $100 then I'm
00:30:17
impressed then I'm impressed yeah do you know if you can do 40 push-ups M as a grown man I can't the chance of you living longer than any other group of people people no matter what your habits
00:30:29
it's so indicative of Anor robic Fitness heart lungs all that and muscular fitness 40 push-ups David the challenge has just started you know what are your
00:30:40
thoughts being super healthy guy about not really when when people say I like stairs in my house because gets my heart going I my feeling is it doesn't help
00:30:51
your heart to get it going for 10 seconds and then an hour later 10 seconds well there's a little bit to unpack there it's it's a little bit of aack a
00:31:03
little bit of a push I'd say the main thing is like what are we doing right now physically not too much sitting
00:31:10
boring people when you sit when you sit so much not meant to sit so much so your
00:31:17
hamstrings atrophy and get shorter okay the glutes which is women always work on
00:31:23
the butt blaster for Aesthetics it happens to be the biggest and most important muscle in your body when when
00:31:30
when I'm at a place where I have a lot of stairs I have a few different abots oh I try to use it and go every other
00:31:37
step and that's really really healthy I do about I do about a thousand a week no
00:31:43
no more than that like maybe 3,000 stairs a week just average without without thinking about it just going up
00:31:49
and down how do you know on your step counter it says well I know it's 22 up and 22 down I easily do that 10 times a
00:31:56
day go up in town that I've been to that one is full of stairs but if it doesn't
00:32:02
kill you it makes you stronger but I do think teing with stairs yeah you could do some damage in your house with some
00:32:08
stairs they built the stairs and the house around it I think you don't take the elevator do
00:32:14
you I don't want the the fans to know you have an elevator not your fault well don't tell them you don't you don't take
00:32:21
the elevator to you I tell you I'm so I'm so healthy when I leave on a trip I put the suitcases in the elevator then I walk down the stairs to get my workout
00:32:34
then I get the suitcases and bring uhuh all right they send them down hey let me ask you a question how's that how's that
00:32:41
working for you I love that how's that working for you that sounds like something's not working for you how's
00:32:46
that working out for you how's how's that working for you okay next one okay we got stuff we got we got oh I got a lot more stuff you want got tons of stuff I got back cups okay is this
00:33:01
me oh oh this oh this is stupid this is the old muff report this person dresses like a OST and it looks pretty real actually yeah slender legs and then a
00:33:14
really skinny legs and a fake head and it's just prancing along and the arm is out like the top of the ostrich but even
00:33:21
the ostriches you can tell they're like what's going on here right well ostriches yeah by the way ostriches I think they can run like 50 miles an hour
00:33:32
run two legs they're pretty nasty yeah they will bite you and run over you gossip yep but as far as a human being look like an ostrich getting near live ostriches and and squatting around and
00:33:45
do getting all up in their business uh I say animal cruelty not a great idea yeah
00:33:51
also why I guess it's funny but these ostriches are mining their beeswax and you got this crackpot coming in there and trying to get views which we added to yeah why is a really good one that's
00:34:03
what uh John F Kennedy said to Bobby Ken during the Cuban Missile Crisis we were
00:34:08
in the edge of nuclear war I think it was Bobby said what do we do when the world says why when the world asks why
00:34:16
you know and what did we do well we stop blowing anything up geez I'm going to get you in callar encyclop no I like that I'm just saying I'm going to get you
00:34:28
encyclopedia and you just get into about all the Cuban cigar box thing you get into your double King every night do all of your security open up start with a and flip through and I'm not reading
00:34:40
anything it's over that's over i' I've wrapped that part of my life you have to all your news is on YouTube it's all
00:34:47
visual Tik Tock okay next one don't try to fool ostriches they've done they've done nothing wrong yeah this is funny San Francisco Transit Authority we refuse to
00:35:01
release crime surveillance videos because it will make people racist why what do you mean releasing
00:35:09
videos would create a racial bias in the writers okay interesting uh I have no comment I have no comment why I have no idea what they're talking about I don't really get it I don't I don't understand
00:35:21
why wouldn't they release them why would that make people racist I don't know we'll move on let's just we'll go oh by
00:35:30
the way in YouTube where people leave comments mostly nice I have to say thank you and and we look at them to say if
00:35:37
something you don't like about the show or something you like if we hear something enough you know fix it uh but
00:35:43
we're up to 150 now D it we got that thing back there that said 100,000 right we're we're adding exponentially that's so cool as the quality of the show goes down our numbers go up so I don't really
00:35:55
as it goes sort of a reverse thing but I always wanted to say this anyway hey man if you're enjoying anything I know this
00:36:01
just two guys talking but you want to smash that subcribe but [ __ ] out of it break it that that'll really help the podcast make sure it clicks but then break it off smash it just punch it yeah
00:36:13
and yell I love super flat okay this is a feel we have a couple Feelgood stories
00:36:20
remarkable cancer trial makes women woman's brain tumor almost disappear in five days so that's the pict of maybe a mockup wow that's not it okay go is
00:36:31
there a next one okay there oh I've looked at x-rays that's a bowling ball um okay so
00:36:38
the I think the shadowy parts are bad on x-rays that's the cancery part so look it I mean I'm not a doctor it's the the technology is moving so fast it's going
00:36:49
away that's great news the whole world is exponentially getting smarter about Gene editing and the cause of things who's the person the whole family's there and you know well I couldn't beat
00:37:01
the tumor goodbye everybody and then someone rushes in oh hold up hold the Press we got a new machine right down
00:37:07
the hall I mean it's it's just it tells people to hang on because yeah hang on because it might work you know they
00:37:13
they're coming up with stuff if this is real looks real it's got 400,000 likes that's real enough for me so um didn't
00:37:21
bones I'm going way back now the original Star Trek the doctor Star Trek was like he dead Jim and he had a little
00:37:27
plastic thing but you go and then the person would sit up I thank you I'm Healed we need
00:37:34
that do you think it's still somewhere in the set or somewhere let me give him a bypass Jim so he's completely healed
00:37:43
yeah I know and we get this why they throw that away comment on this if you will David why in the
00:37:50
F we don't have a phaser equivalent of a phaser on stun why do we have to have police shoot they would go put it on stun I mean we have the stun gun all that doesn't work
00:38:02
but just actually really a phaser with a stun knock you out Knock You Out start from scratch yeah yeah I agree that wouldn't be bad because you know then the bad guys would get him and do it
00:38:12
well you you you neutralize Biden came alive you neutralize the neutralize the threat I got a neutralized threat better than it was ever neutralized I agree okay
00:38:25
we'll do that okay next one are you turning into Biden what are you doing oh okay yeah okay oh I like this
00:38:33
one already I don't even know what this one is let's see oh this is another thing remember I
00:38:39
said Chris Brown does a meet and greet I don't think this is Chris Brown but you're going to let the audience member
00:38:45
of your girlfriend Go on stage and he basically dry humps her and pulls his prong out I'm sorry that's my wife I just proposed to her look at oh my God
00:38:58
get in there don't B is he a chiropractor what going I got to put my glasses on again you got to see it then okay start it over I I saw it but he
00:39:11
just snapped her C4 of her spine thank you and you're pregnant I don't know how in the hell
00:39:20
they got that camera in my wife and I a bedro yeah that one that's I don't know who that is that's you know who that is Heather it's not Chris Brown but who's letting their girlfriend
00:39:35
go up there for a fun little hey you know it used to be a magic trick we need an audience member and we need an
00:39:41
audience member to get uh finger blasted um it's always like if men anyone out there on the pill if men see a sexy woman they
00:39:54
don't scream they don't go a if they see a burles show women you know they don't
00:40:00
scream at a women so here's the three thing I mean women they like a man they like a man who's kind smart with a sense of humor yeah and has access to resources money
00:40:16
but we have to ask Heather is that sexy or is it a little bit like the the like rapid dry humping and it's it's immediate ick
00:40:28
that's what I thought it's a know from me dog she she said not sexy and the woman's hurt and she's also pregnant yeah embarrassed pregnant it's all it's
00:40:39
all about the guy too and all his running and jumping and positioning check out this Wang I'm like I don't know what song it is I don't know what this person is I'm just watching this I
00:40:49
don't think it's sexy I'm gonna go out on a limb and agree with Heather oh Dana that's a good that's that's such a limb
00:40:55
and I'm not going to go out I'm going to go out Lim say that's not for me little okay keep going that was I
00:41:01
agree that one's not for me either okay ready oh this is a wholesome video okay I think this is another nice I want something wholesome this is a cute one Dan watch this ready this the
00:41:14
opposite today for one channel 8 eyewitness news reporter when her longtime boyfriend showed up to propose
00:41:20
to her she thinks she's doing a story aw oh my isn't that nice oh my God look [Music] at did he close the deal yeah she said
00:41:43
yes she did I didn't see that she said yes and back to you have you ever for one moment thought of doing something
00:41:49
like that everybody wants me on the kiss cam or propose I've had people at my shows going hey I want to propose my
00:41:55
it's just people that want attention but or they want something different you know do you here's a question for you
00:42:01
and and Heather if she wants to jump in do you think most marriages are with like you know we're just dating what are
00:42:07
we gonna do and then someone gets down on one knee with the ring and uh has anyone ever done that except in
00:42:14
Jumbotron and stuff you mean in real life do they ever do it seems like by the time there's a ring there's a
00:42:19
consensus but the idea of oh how about this question for Heather if you were going to get married Heather if the
00:42:25
average woman out there this day and age does the guy have to make sure somebody is filming it okay wow I think that's the minority
00:42:38
let's go to the phones because some people have their friends follow or meet them there and
00:42:45
hide in the bushes they have to be filmed they have to film it because they can kind of sell that that gets a lot of
00:42:51
clicks or do they want I forgot this oh they want to wear something nice for The Proposal right
00:42:58
well she was on news so she was all dressed up yeah that was funny cuz she reactions
00:43:04
is great because she wases a local TV reporter was surprised by her boyfriend when he proposed her live on the
00:43:12
show oh [ __ ] this show I'm a reporter oh wait that's my boyfriend wait he has a
00:43:17
ring starts to put the pieces together I think it was kind of clever I had seen that angle it was much easier to take than the smash and grab in the van where the terrorist CRA we got so many
00:43:31
comments on the smash and crab proposal everyone hated it it was actually 2% loved
00:43:37
it but I want you know if we can get a followup if we could get those two people on super we get on if we can get
00:43:44
them on oh I don't know if they're English how they get on that she's like asleep rather get those proposal couples
00:43:51
ASAP superly sa okay next one [Music] hang on wait wait wait oh this is I just have a question for Dana about
00:44:10
SNL how did you hold your folder when you went to meet Lauren we're gonna this guy's going to teach you how Planet Mike
00:44:16
here we go okay because I think I've been doing this wrong how do you carry an accessory his hand looks am grabbing
00:44:23
it like an eight I'm coming to business meeting make sure not to use on hand grip when carrying the folder making it all about the folder but not about yourself [ __ ] the folder fer approaching
00:44:35
the business meeting in this manner way better and then sit and then feed out nice see Tana you've been doing it wrong I'm guessing you don't know what you're doing when you have a folder well look
00:44:56
here here's the deal if if I can I mean if I can it is all about power and not being needy and and owning it you know posture
00:45:08
is part of it this is what I would do before I got an SNL they still have me go read for stuff yeah so they' get
00:45:15
you'd get sides sometimes you get the script a little bit so I would come in I don't I guess I didn't wear socks I would be dis shoveled and then I would have the sides I'd have them crumbled up
00:45:26
in my back pocket oh I think I got him I don't know if I saw him I'm not giving you a job so it was kind of like I
00:45:32
barely care and they go do you have 8 by 10 I go I don't know maybe so it's it's just all about not that's true when you go to auditions the the
00:45:45
more you're professional and don't try to suck you know I mean don't try to kiss up to everybody I remember we had
00:45:50
Britney Daniels come in for for Joe Dirt so lovely so good so prepared and when she was and she didn't go like the flirty thing lot hi you guys oh my God the 405 was so bad it wasn't that she's
00:46:02
like hey you guys ready we're like oh yeah and then she like BL BL thanks guys she just got up and left you know she
00:46:08
was very polite but I'm a professional boom boom and then we called her back here's
00:46:14
another trick she did we called her back and she wore the same outfit and even on
00:46:19
the third call back when she got the movie I talked to her during the movie about I said you remember that and she said oh yeah she said if I get it it's
00:46:26
so fleeting why they like someone I want everything to be the exact way it was the first time they saw me something
00:46:32
about that stuck with you guys and I was like it's so true some people come back look different you're like wait you know
00:46:40
I mean anything can be off something the way they do the hair so that's how fickle everyone is and uh that's I don't
00:46:47
even know where I was going with this well the worst part is is professional comedians sometimes you know I would
00:46:53
come in and I'd be a little amped up and so I would be funny in the beginning like we're not
00:46:59
reading yet really making them laugh whatever stick I had and then Suzanne pett is there I think five or so and she's like it's great when you have somebody come in it was already funny I
00:47:11
can't wait to hear this I I did the script was terrible and I was terrible and then it was that awkwardness
00:47:17
afterwards of getting out of the room just get out of the room okay they just hate that you're even sitting there still like let's disappear yeah just go I don't want to watch you walk four
00:47:28
goddamn steps they hate you it turns I've done that you walk in with little rasat Taz like hey and you're like funny
00:47:35
because I'm like this is how I get the call back because once I started acting there be like what what's going on here
00:47:42
why it just shifted into UNF funniness and unlik ability Skyrocket I would follow when I go on the other side of the fence and reading people we'd read 10 people and it was a coin toss and so
00:47:55
I would I would go out and find each one who read I go this is completely just flipping up in the air you're as good as
00:48:02
anyone who's ever read today we'll just see where it goes next person you're as good as any because I used to in my mind
00:48:08
I thought dairo if it was drama had read for me if if if as a comedian I would think oh [ __ ] they just saw David Spade
00:48:15
I don't have a chance yeah I did one Dana and it was for uh my sister Sam it was like a
00:48:22
sitcom and it was on my third I think my third audition Warner Brothers lot of [ __ ] cannot act my way out of a
00:48:28
paperback and then I go in there and I'm like and I'm waiting I think I told her this I'm waiting and the girl's Kathleen
00:48:35
lettery I think she's some tough ass casting and I read it then I go actually because it's always so flat and boring I turn over my papers I go actually I rewrote the scene which I think would be
00:48:47
a little funnier and she's like I'm sorry what and I go no I mean this is a little unorthodox she's like th% and then I go if I could just read you
00:48:59
like the funnier version she goes no we won't do that and uh let me give you a tip never do this again in audition and I was like very constructive criticism thank
00:49:10
you and then I went and I called my agent I go how'd it go and they were like you didn't happen
00:49:17
to rewrite the script I go no but it wasn't that good and I was just actually if I could read it to you he's like no one wants you to read read it to him just please don't make my job this hard
00:49:30
my my Misfortune between 1980 and 1986 is I actually got some stuff oh and it was all a waste you weren't ready no it was
00:49:41
just never going to make it one of the boys Nathan Lane I did Blue Thunder with James fantino I did many Pilots one with
00:49:48
Michael Richards I did one with Desi Ares Jr and a lot of times I was just playing kind of the straight cute guy
00:49:55
because that was this me long time ago I played the Stray man in in uh the tough guys movie with Bert lanc K Dugo so I got these but I was getting enough
00:50:06
work just as being kind of a Ron Howard type or something just a nice sweet benign person and then I got an SNL
00:50:14
whoops and look they look back I don't want to finish the story but the story took a turn okay let's try another one we got a couple more there's one I want to see of
00:50:27
the dishes look at this [ __ ] cat I do love that why do cats make me laugh this
00:50:32
cat already first of all he's working watch him and he's pretty good go ahead he's either he didn't pay his bill or something he's has to do the
00:50:43
dishes get that [ __ ] [ __ ] off scrub it he's got like a little burow pad look
00:50:49
at him he's this guy is not that good he's just kind of soaking stuff right now it's getting in his face watch it
00:50:55
watch your well I think it's the first guy extremely clever yeah I used to dishwash it's hard uh I was a dishwasher
00:51:03
too the Hobart 3000 Cuts Burn yeah I know what that is and I I can tell those cats what they're going through because
00:51:10
it's what we just saw for our audio fans is people putting rubber boots on cats and putting gloves to up to their elbows already leaning them up against a a a
00:51:25
bucket of sudsy stuff with stuff in it and the the kits are the cats are kind of locked into the situation so they
00:51:31
start sort of picking things up um but it's a great effect Whoever thought of it the cats they're like I can't believe
00:51:38
it's spaghetti night this [ __ ] doesn't come off easy I need more Dawn I want you have to do you got to do the character sound sound sound Effy guy
00:51:50
because if I'm doing it you should we should do it together at The Comedy Store the sound effects so anyway I'm
00:51:56
walking across some wet grass open My Car the idea is the sound is the same for everything that's it is oh I get
00:52:09
okay I start the car I put it and drive cat comes by and meows cats are funny because they got a tail cats are funny you ever work with
00:52:23
an actor cat all right one more we're getting a a maybe maybe oh this is funny okay don't play yet mhm this is Children of Uganda one day after the assassination
00:52:36
look at this Heather Donald Trump really something that said take a look at what
00:52:43
[Laughter] happened they recreated exactly perfectly he's going fight fight look at they're trying to look at they got a Podium I'm isn't that crazy
00:52:59
Uganda Uganda be kidding me Donald Trump okay again just even if you saw it so so I'm just saying some young kids 10 12 8 10 12 reenacted the
00:53:13
Trump assassination attempt complete with taking him off W guns Podium W guns they play the audio and then they act it out damn it's pretty clever there's like a uh Second City over there in ugand the
00:53:28
this is their um main did a tremendous job Trump will use it in his tral they did it they did it they did it they did
00:53:34
everything like it the kid played me is tremendous he's tremendous he anyone not from no it's great
00:53:43
tremendous kids a bunch of great doing a tremendous and he does that more and more he goes to that guttural thing to
00:53:49
emphasize I know people are thinking to say many things and they know we got a lot of things to talk about he kind of
00:53:54
does the one line and the second line is the same line it makes him think I think you know he goes a tremendous job these
00:54:00
kids these kids are doing it tremendously and uh you know what I mean and then he goes to the next one but he
00:54:05
sort of just repeats it to think I I yeah I think for emphasis and then many times he'll just keep going if you gets
00:54:12
a word you know I wonder how much he goes off cards because he sorry you but sometimes he says he likes to go off cards but it's hard to find your way on back on a teleprompter I've done award
00:54:23
shows you try to add 11 then you're like go back where are you it is kind of funny that sometimes when he locks back in after about a five minute diet tribe you know anyway I'd rather be
00:54:33
electricuted then eaten by a Shar the shock comes in I'd rather be electri he goes on for three minutes and then he
00:54:40
turns we're going to take back the country we're going to get rid of the fascists and Communists I'd rather be
00:54:46
eaten by a squirrel than a monkey and then he goes back we got to take back the the country from the Communists and
00:54:53
the fascists the Neo fascists and all the people that all right you no that's we can end it that's a good ending actually all
00:55:06
right you guys I think we had a great show everyone did a great job in the cast um the cast was great today no one
00:55:13
was crank um I'll R I'll just say I'll I'll wrap it up as Paul McCartney you know it's been quite a couple of weeks for America you know the Trump guy got a
00:55:25
dinger up on his ears you know and he ducked and he loaded him off you know he went look at me you know I'm such a
00:55:32
protester put me fist up and then the mumbly stumbl president all of a sudden everyone goes you got to go he says I
00:55:39
don't want to go they said you got to go and the president called him the other one Obama and said you got to go I don't
00:55:46
do an Obama it was Obama J you gotta go well I don't know said you got to go there's rumors we don't know but we have to move on now now it's Kamala or
00:55:59
Kamala yeah she reminds me of every a couple moms I knew like in junior high that were very much like Karens you know they'd have their elbow in like this like excuse me okay we're not GNA have
00:56:14
every kid go to the party all right right right right you know those people so I think she'll be I think she'll be
00:56:20
good I think she'll be tough Colin Quinn I'll end it with a joke he did that he said he said if it's president
00:56:31
Kamala and then he said Kamala he said that'll be like having a substitute teacher for the last six months and then we'll be like hey the last president didn't make us pay taxes she goes I
00:56:42
don't know if that's true don't try to trick me all right it's a good sub a fun fact what last one
00:56:50
fun fact the only time a vice president has become president besides George H Bush following Reagan beating dakus and becoming president and in 86 the last
00:57:03
time 1836 Martin Van berren oh for real so it's very tough to be a vice president
00:57:10
because you're right you're in this Lane of your you know you're cutting ribbons and they you know they keep you under wraps we haven't seen a lot of her but
00:57:17
it's going to be an exciting race it's definitely uh a nailbiter so we'll see and uh we'll see you guys next week thank so much thanks for listening bye
00:57:29
this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss
00:57:36
Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it [Music]