00:00:00
[Music] was that intentional like a Michael Jackson thing D it it's called The Future and I was the Kanye of that
00:00:11
Premiere and I have work boots which were cool I had those my coat doesn't [Music] fit do you have a starter joke three two
00:00:23
1 no I will start this off by showing you a video little energy you're going to show a video I'm going to try cuz we're on video we're on video so I want to show it I have my first SNL audition
00:00:35
and I don't think you saw it and I said let's start this with something to talk about so I tried to watch it in Lauren's
00:00:42
office and then he goes uh there's better things to talk about he clicked it off so I never saw it this is it
00:00:55
ready okay cuz I want to show that I can sing and I'm not onedimensional you look a I added that fake plan at the end good
00:01:09
I didn't know you could do that the surprise is I'm going to be in my Arsenal next week your actual audition
00:01:15
what was your first joke my first oh when I did I think my old joke uh when I used to do my ACT which I think is still in it it's um I bought a new car uh well
00:01:26
it's not really new it's an old UPS truck I got it so I can park wherever I want want that's not bad I I think I
00:01:33
remember that when you were my Oprah by the way a Dandy little opener when we toured the Northeast we in a r car I remember that line yeah that was that was uh one of my big ones I looked young
00:01:46
back then not this Haggard [ __ ] Nick no after the dryer cycle that you see I talk to Betty Davis's granddaughter lighting is everything we're going to talk later you're going to have to you
00:01:59
look great what do you I just want to PR and PR every time I walk by a uh me or my
00:02:05
dad used to go see anybody you like oh we also have professional laughers on the set we should introduce us oh yeah we brought them in they're the professional laughers Union the
00:02:19
president Heather Santoro Soro and Chris Rios who's also a beauty consultant to the stars and other things and so they are going to be laughing when we point okay so I'm going
00:02:34
to start off you can't see them but they're they've been laughing their ass off the whole time audience can't see I
00:02:39
think we talk because we talk all the Hot Topics let's talk about this Johnny Depp trial let's just let's do for hot
00:02:45
topics no we're going no I'm just kidding we're going back ways no I'm gonna tell you quickly what do you got
00:02:52
because this podcast would do better if it was a Taylor Swift chat room so I think we're going to open with Super
00:02:58
Bowl stuff because couple things I have to say about it before we get to Taylor because she is Taylor the whole Super
00:03:05
Bowl Taylor Taylor Swift so T Swift one thing I think that no one's talking about enough is that why is the Super
00:03:12
Bowl still having Roman numerals after it you think kids are dumb when you have regular numbers in front of who what kid is isn't going VXX they don't know what that is no that's a really good point
00:03:25
and it always has driven me nuts I think like outrage over things that don't really matters great like what the [ __ ]
00:03:32
is with the numeral [ __ ] numbers in the Super Bowl just to get really angry it's a controversial stance but that's
00:03:39
what we're here for Taylor Swift I'm feeding the algorithm right now I don't think the algorithm picks up audio
00:03:44
though how about this one new nickname for the super couple Tay Tay and Kell Kel uh oh we're pulling them up also I don't
00:03:55
like any Instagram puberty I don't like sounds like pubes and I also don't like everything is all caps with them is this
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the [ __ ] Kanye Instagram because it's like Taylor Swift I read it with all that excitement and I'm like I don't I
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do care well you know you could be doing pretty well in America you you could make a pretty good amount of money and then no matter what you're just shrunken down she made2 billion dollar that just
00:04:20
said she generates $331 million for Kanas City if she just goes to the city how was that what it meant how many times can she go to the subway there or whatever they have the [ __ ] Jimmy John's I mean come on tay 33 million how
00:04:35
many times can she code no 333 million of generated cuz people just hear she's in Kansas City and get in their car and start flooring fromis Kansas City just
00:04:46
money they're like they just money Swift put 10 people in a Crazy Eight Hotel each room has 10 people they're drinking and partying I have another big uh controversial stance let's say first
00:05:01
of all did you know at the Super Bowl at halftime Taylor Swift is going to decide the election she walks out and picks a
00:05:08
candidate and then they just win because why I bother voting she pointed and they win so that's good yeah and then and
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then her boyfriend picks her up and goes hip hip paray because 65250 5111 125 do the math what is their
00:05:23
kid going to look like David cuz they're going to have a kid 65 250 that's dad dad what if she does like a Beyonce and when they win the Super Bowl they pan over to her and everyone gives her a
00:05:36
little room and then she rubs her stomach like I'm pregnant everyone goes holy [ __ ] [ __ ] and then they jizz all
00:05:41
over the screen all of America well your screen looks like it has some on it so I don't
00:05:48
know if that was lital a figurative there there's a a vague Sheen over his camera ladies and gentlemen I know it's twice a day I got to come out there for the porn
00:06:00
I was going to tackle the other big story of the week Brad Pit facelift oh yeah and I do
00:06:09
this news I'm gonna do it as as a beetle because it's called Beetle news got you got to have a name for your hello everybody this is Beast news and we're talking about things here we're
00:06:21
talking about some people think that Brad Pit got a got a sucker upper got a sucker upper you know you take the turkey neck you know and you clinch it up and you s it off you Chim the little
00:06:34
extras you wrap it around the ears you know and you go walking about onbread [Music]
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pit you look great now yeah what happened why is it working we're going to look back at this
00:06:55
and not laugh but go remember when they only gave us one and then they canceled it remember we shot the pilot and it was
00:07:02
unusable oh oh here's another thing Dana when you're when the kids hate billionaires this is heavy you can step out of this one if you want when kids are so mad at billionaires and then you
00:07:14
go oh Taylor Swift is a billionaire now do you have to automatically hate her go well you can adjust like as you know Bernie Sanders used to go the problem
00:07:27
with America is the million and the billionaires and then he found out and this is true Al Franken told me this he found out he was a millionaire so the next stump speech it's the billionaires
00:07:39
you idiots the [ __ ] billionaires what about the millionaires they're great they're they're good guys bed into a little bit of fouchy oh yeah that was a little scratchy fouchy they're about the same they're both 90 no I do him as a
00:07:54
crosswalk guard that's how I get into the voice Bernie Sanders is a crosswalk guard it's don't proed don't proceed the
00:08:02
system's rigged don't proceed it's the don't that gets me into that I like it it's like me it's like me was a bit off for a bit I'm coming back sorry I can do
00:08:14
voices now and not no one can stop me we don't have some guest we have the easy laugh crowd
00:08:22
back there but you're really nailing it so who are who are you taking in the Super Bowl can I just ask um who are you
00:08:29
taking you know I do I think the the it's not a three minute thought here it's it's one team or the other uh
00:08:40
uh I I can't say because we have so many fans and they'll get mad but well you're GNA take s FR I know this well I want to
00:08:48
insert two two comedians that have talked about football who hate Sports it just they make me laugh so Jay Leno talking about football he'd come into the game and everyone's in in there with
00:08:59
their beer and watching the game and screaming and he would always say man who's the head the red or the yellows
00:09:04
it's kind of it he just thought it was just colors and then Jerry Seinfeld said the players move around so much
00:09:11
eventually you're just rooting for clothes yeah laundry yeah the N yeah like because
00:09:18
they they switch teams I would say that I I have another analogy not to go into this whole Taylor Swift algo because I
00:09:24
do like Taylor Swift you mean tay tay tay and Kel k k k so she so it I I I sort of try to make this analogy and then it doesn't make any sense but let's say the reason why guys get somewhat
00:09:37
annoyed let's say we went to a Taylor Swift concert and talked about football Whispering the whole time uh and that
00:09:43
would bother them but Taylor Swift fans are probably nicer but when you go to a guy's game of football you forget that 90% of them are degenerate gamblers so
00:09:54
and that doesn't just mean which a common man would think or woman oh there we have to be cuz they're betting on the
00:10:00
winner of the game oh no they bet on every goddamn play is it going to be a sweep is it going to be a a button hook
00:10:07
is it going to be a sucker trap and you bet every G every play Everything who's going to hold the football who's it
00:10:13
going to kick it to how many catches they get so you have to be so riveted at that game you can't be uh distracted and
00:10:20
that's why I think people get a little itchy about the Taylor talk but other than that I welcome it I you know what see how I came back
00:10:32
around and I'm like she's great she's great we met her at the SNL 4th she was super sweet very pretty oh yeah how does it
00:10:40
feel to be backpedaling I'm not really backpedaling I've always said she did she was in byby she had one line and she
00:10:47
came over she's she's great and I don't have any problem with her there's so many things going on in the world the
00:10:52
idea of just [ __ ] Taylor Swift man drives me nuts I mean and they're like what about Iran and you're like who cares this Taylor thing drives me out I mean come on
00:11:04
lighten up I mean let's unpack this where's this outrage coming all right I have I'm jumping over to the golden
00:11:09
Bachelor I have one thing to say about it since it's already been over for a while okay I'll take five minutes off no
00:11:16
it's only it's only one thing I watch The History Channel okay I like to be educated no I didn't even see it I only watched 11 episodes of it but you've hosted it so relax you got Craig go
00:11:28
ahead the golden Bachelor and everyone was really pulling for this guy this is the last week I can do this joke cuz now
00:11:35
it's only seven weeks late but Bachelor and he's like however old which isn't that old in real life and he looks better than me and he's about you know 880 so he's out there and and his big he
00:11:46
does look good he does look good and his big sob story is my wife passed away sad
00:11:52
I'll give him that and then he said I haven't dated since and I wanted to kind of come back into the scene and you know plow 30 chicks so uh it was like oh great this is such a cute story so he
00:12:04
comes back and he's going to he's going to ramrod his way through all these poor women who I didn't even make fun of that
00:12:11
because everyone at that age like just trying to find a nice person it's hard to crap on them they're not 22 and
00:12:18
desperate they're just like nice people they're they're they're not carnal in the same way they were in their 20s yeah
00:12:24
not like you just anyway so um what so they so word the word got so the word got out they go oh he's such a great guy and then right toward the end they go hey some woman came out and said oh
00:12:36
after his wife died I dated him for nine months and they asked him and he's like oh yeah that sker like he doesn't even
00:12:42
give a [ __ ] he's like oh oh yeah no but that was nothing that was just like a hit it and quitt it situation dine and
00:12:48
dash and they're like oh so you're just a regular guy got it you're not quite the Ang wait a minute David let me unpack this you're saying television
00:13:00
presented something that wasn't quite real are you going to go on record with that I am because are you going to
00:13:06
commit so sometimes reality show I'm easily tricked because I watch these shows and I want it to be real I want
00:13:13
them to find romance well because you're a good person you would never trick people like that and the Monsters of the
00:13:20
[Music] no all right here's a here's a quick one cuz everyone does Trump here's my angle
00:13:32
on Trump he's out in the stump and he starts listing the people he's going to go after you it's really funny to me
00:13:39
we're going to go and then we're going to go after the Communists the Marxist the neo-marxists the Socialists the far
00:13:45
left fake news media the Deep State and the state behind the Deep State the deepest state of all we we call it the
00:13:51
Deep six you imagine that we call it the Deep six we're going to take out the Vagabond the Pirates and the witches the
00:13:57
terites and the olites the Amish have got to go I'm telling you that they got to go and we're taking out Poland I
00:14:03
never liked it it's a creepy place we're taking out Deep Purple the band sorry I can listen to Trump forever it's so [ __ ] funny to hear you just talk about Trump we're doing things she
00:14:17
always goes in the pill and this he reads the tele Proms and goes can you imagine that you imagine that you've heard of that right they're going to
00:14:23
build a wall we're going to build a second wall you can do a second wall I didn't know it but but they can
00:14:30
good in the breathing oh let's go to a video bit ready cuz there's really no rules here I'm just going to show you I first of all the setup is I was such a premier [ __ ] back during SNL you didn't
00:14:43
do this as much but I was so Juiced with Fame that I was like I got a little smidge of Fame and I was like oh God I'm
00:14:49
getting invited to premieres hey do you want to see Mission Impossible with Tom Cruz a week ahead bring your friend or
00:14:55
bring someone from the cast cool super fun but I went to way too many cuz there's
00:15:00
Instagrams where they go hey remember this Premiere and here's everyone that was there and it always I'm [ __ ] in
00:15:06
there and I don't even remember and I have some rope belt I look like [ __ ] every time so let's go down memory lane
00:15:12
I pulled a few of these and uh let's pull up just random ones and I'll tell you what I was thinking they're not all bad it's just okay this one is [ __ ]
00:15:24
great I don't even know if we should start with it's so good okay that this one is for I have a key here this is speed you look great this is speed with
00:15:35
Keanu that might be behind me either Apatow no it looks like Jud Nelson maybe is that a summer premere it doesn't
00:15:42
matter to me when I have a look I lock it in and it could be you've got the G any weather so I've got cargo shorts
00:15:50
I've got one blue sock which is actually pretty cool was that intentional like a Michael
00:15:57
Jackson thing D it it's called the future and I was the Kanye of that Premiere and I have work boots which were cool I had those for my coat doesn't fit that would maybe work now
00:16:11
did not work then I thought it' fit I think it's totally him and it has a it has a cordury color thought it fit
00:16:17
didn't fit the glasses I [ __ ] hate I can't stand I have my speed Premiere ticket in my hand but you can't really
00:16:23
see it and I'm holding a hat all stupid all right next one well wait a minute you're
00:16:31
you're wearing the sunglasses indoor no it was the lights Dan I'm getting I'm like I can't take it no I was thinking
00:16:37
very cool I wouldn't have the guts to do that at that age okay which one's this is farles this is same
00:16:43
sunglasses maybe I think so look at we both went to the tinted sunglass store I guess tinted
00:16:51
was in I don't know Farley always looked pretty cool this is uh True Lies and I'm
00:16:59
doing duck clips and I'm not even joking I did them forever I don't even think they were around I don't it's a little
00:17:05
bit of a jagger no one was sick of him yet I don't know why I did it I think it was just nervousness that was a leather
00:17:12
jacket I thought was so badass and it was nothing fit me not one thing fit me everything was big and I didn't know it
00:17:18
I thought they were all fitting and you couldn't see it I couldn't see it look at him giving P sign like straight ahead
00:17:24
and kind of grossly far's like you know what he used to do you guys got a back off the mic they're too good they're they're too good of laughers
00:17:36
they don't even need a no they don't need a joke they just show these two idiots but Dana here's a Farley do
00:17:42
remember this at premieres they take his picture and he goes not now and then he'd say take my picture so
00:17:49
dumb show show another one right yeah that was I can't believe there's no dane in
00:17:54
any of these because you didn't you were like I didn't oh this is a great one shot I love this this is now
00:18:03
yeah now you I'm just I look cool well he's well he's kind of like doing a character too in a way with those glasses and the hair slicked that's when he got cool there was a point when he
00:18:16
combed it back because Christian Slater did when he hosted and so farl's next week and I go you're so gross that's cuz
00:18:23
he goes christm Slater did it and I go yeah so he was always greasing it back and look behind is J Moore wow that but wait a minute this is
00:18:35
after Tommy Boy so you are a star at this point uh this is 95 Tommy Boy came out in 95 so it's around the same time
00:18:42
cuz to have the guts to where that hat with no irony and just was you have to be a star that hat is I still have it's
00:18:50
so [ __ ] cool and the strings are hanging off and I have a turtleneck turtlenecks were illegal for
00:18:56
a couple years hat fits well I'm just going to say the clothes seem to work fine I mean you got some got a couple
00:19:03
Shillings in your pocket Spain starting to put the whole Motif together of the junior Superstar yeah when we went to uh the premiere of Tommy Boy in London we
00:19:15
thought we were famous it was so sickening he's like dud it what if everybody knows us and we get hounded
00:19:22
I'm like well it's not exactly Beetle Mania no one even knows who we are at all and they don't even get the show
00:19:28
over there so we go over on the Concord no less I did it and it's like this land so it took 90 minutes we get there he brings a [ __ ] chal cuz he
00:19:42
stopped by Ireland he goes it's lucky so we bring this shalele out we go out with
00:19:49
hats and sunglasses no one knows who we are it's so embarrassing Shay Shay shalele is like an Irish stick oh yeah for and then and then no one knew so we
00:20:01
took off the hat and sunglasses then we went to Planet Hollywood so someone would know us
00:20:07
sickening we went to get noticed and no one did and we're like what the [ __ ] all
00:20:12
right next picture I just want I have one question while you were in that hat did you ever do Wy wabbit or do any
00:20:20
own I want to get a wue web I mean did you use that at all uh I don't think so because I thought it was cool and so I
00:20:26
didn't even want to joke about it you really okay here now we're getting into makeover time this is this 1999 this big
00:20:34
daddy yeah yeah you're yeah this is Big Daddy the TV show what was it called Big Daddy I was
00:20:41
on just shoot me yeah I was on just shoot me I was doing good it was up on the same night as like Frasier and Seinfeld so we were in the mix yeah coat fits a little better still does not fit
00:20:54
like let's not get crazy it doesn't fit well I think the leaves uh well no the sleeve the shirt go underneath that
00:20:59
shirt was a guest shirt can we ask Chris or Heather do you guys think our our hidden team of laughers what do you
00:21:07
think of that outfit he looks a little more styled in this one much more styled the hair is
00:21:13
longer um obviously your teeth you got your teeth done quote unquote they look great I wish they would they look good there and I don't know what happened since and look at I've got those are a bit of mom jeans in a
00:21:25
way but my my shoes are cool my shoes cuz I got a bad neck they would always kill me I could only wear them to the
00:21:32
premiere and then I'd have to go back to uh Sketchers or whatever that was back then would mom jeans would be higher
00:21:38
wasted than that wouldn't they yeah a little bit but these weren't a little higher
00:21:43
yeah yeah that's a point but okay at least I'm getting somewhere okay next one these are all like flash cards I
00:21:50
don't know what's next because I'm it you don't even know it's going oh okay okay now we're David
00:21:56
2.0 Johnny this is a brand new guy this is Jesus someone's been watching too many Kirk oain videos in this one I have a fog hat shirt on uh mhm um that was punch drunk
00:22:12
love that's Julie bow she looks great she was great oh right she was sort of you dated for a while is that they call it you dat and you know what I've learned from wearing guyliner
00:22:26
is ites it your eyes look too skinny like I can't even see I don't know why I have it on Cory Fel I mean I don't know what I saw I I
00:22:36
have faded purple cords on I thought those were cool right but do you have eyeliner on
00:22:44
yeah mean like a mascara I say it with no embarrassment yep do you have lipstick on are you wearing a bra I just have Rouge lipstick a bra a training bra
00:22:57
and a [ __ ] thumb a g and a g string yes well it's good that we get to know what's behind CL doors now H um how old are you there well I
00:23:08
don't no by the way poor Julie she went there with me and I serly took one look and was like we're not doing the [ __ ] press line are we I'm like oh yeah oh yes we are okay keep going I think
00:23:19
there's just a couple more we can get rid of some of these if they they're boming these are funny they're kind of funny just talk about oh who's this
00:23:26
[ __ ] oh now you're going man that is that is still kirco Bay a little bit right wouldn't he wear those I mean he'd be spinning in his grave if he by the way is this the first
00:23:41
time the Scruff showed up oh yeah I got a little scruffy and I had a I never wear a beanie gives me a headache I
00:23:47
actually don't like them but I wore a beanie cuz it was tough hair day zipped up leather jacket a flannel shirt I used
00:23:53
to love that flannel shirt of course my jeans are not tucked trash and they're not trash from doing too much you know hiking and lifting Boulders it's like I bought them for
00:24:06
$9,000 and they were already all distressed would you have possibly had a 38 revolver in your lower back does that guy carry a gun or a knife no he carries a buck knife and he stabs you then he
00:24:19
[ __ ] puts you in an armhole cuz it look it looks like kind of a tough guy ready to fight I was I was kind of like
00:24:26
mad that are taking a picture but I go I go into the Press line and then I'm like what the [ __ ] do you guys want they're
00:24:32
like well you're in a stepping repeat so I think you know hey you know what that guy is saying to everybody what are you looking at what what are you looking at that's what you're saying right there
00:24:44
what the [ __ ] are you looking at I'm like Rambo all right we'll get off this that's that's Alpha that's Alpha right
00:24:50
there okay we're halfway through the photos and now we have a current Spades a premier whor
00:24:58
[Music] I will tell you what I did recently and then I'll let you go Dana but um I'm not letting you go anywhere I have nowhere
00:25:12
to go I I remember when you heard that I gave this Burger King guy some money do you remember this
00:25:18
story yes so my new started a whole yeah thing my new thoughts on it so the thing
00:25:24
is Burger King iy worked there 27 years I saw him on [ __ ] Tick Tock and so I said he was opening a present he goes I worked here 27 years never missed a day I was like holy [ __ ] he goes and they
00:25:37
gave me a gift from Burger King and it was like a yo-yo and a Pokemon card and like $10 at Starbucks so I go that's it and he was so happy that he got that and
00:25:50
he goes I'll see you guys tomorrow back at work and he W I was like is he being sarcastic and he wasn't so that his
00:25:56
daughter made it gofund me say get this guy a vacation he's busting his [ __ ] ass so he needed like it was like 15
00:26:03
grand so I I it was close something like that oh yeah so I put up five grand got
00:26:08
him over the hump to 15 whatever so they tell TMZ well wait a minute it says over
00:26:14
underwhelming five grand wait oh his his was God thank you Jesus okay um I was thinking that's that's yeah that was back then okay so I I gave
00:26:27
him so he gets to his 15 and then his daughter tells TMZ so then they do a story about him and then the next week he's up to like 40 Grand I'm like holy [ __ ] and then he goes on the Today's
00:26:40
Show and they're like so David Spade helped then he's dming me and I'm like hey you did a great job he's like is
00:26:45
that really you that gave it to me I go yeah man you nobody works hard anymore so blah blah then he keeps going then he
00:26:52
comes to my show in Vegas and then it's been a year Dana and they go Burger King
00:26:57
guy just bought a house with his 450,000 he's up to and I and then I hit him up and I go I think after 300K we split it
00:27:05
guy I mean what are the rules I mean I feel like the house has to win a little bit so how do I approach this this is probably awkward and I
00:27:16
shouldn't even say this but you seem to have the mightest touch and I'm just gonna say this as a soft ask could you
00:27:22
start a Kickstarter for me for you just saying you're just if it's going to go into seven figures I could just ask it's
00:27:29
going to quadrillion zup yeah you may have the mightest touch you know the thing is you you you your new nickname
00:27:37
is Kickstarter no it's great guy syndrome and I have it I have a really bad case of it and so well I'd never
00:27:44
heard this story before but I'm glad to hear is it good you know that you're working with a good guy so here we go he
00:27:50
gets to 50 Grand then they go get him to 100 Grand they raise it cuz it's still pouring in Get Him to 100 and get this
00:27:56
guy like an electric bike you know poor [ __ ] guy so they get to that then she's like hm let's put it to 200,000 so
00:28:03
they just keep raising it and the last I saw they want to get it to a million oh
00:28:09
it's at 457 he wants a million so he can get four tickets to Taylor Swift I like
00:28:14
the paid [ __ ] laughers give me a micro chal on that that's the closer I need I didn't get picked up anywhere for my charitable work it'll be
00:28:26
quiet you know what you got to hire I just stumbled in that because I don't nobody knows what what I do I like when
00:28:31
they say look at George Clooney gave this bum $100 and I go well if there's seven pop Razzi guys walking by he's
00:28:38
like here you go can you get the 100 can you get me and the 100 in the shot can you get the guy's hand and me and the
00:28:43
bum okay of course there's a camera there not saying he's not a good guy but there's a camera there I'm giving a guy I'm like here's my coat get it did you get it come back a little later can I
00:28:54
get that coat back it was kind of a bit I was doing I remember yeah Paul McCartney when I first met him he said
00:29:01
you know I could I could go all over the world all I have to do is go down to Fifth Avenue and drop me trousers oh
00:29:08
what does that mean he go all over the world and unpress I go all over the world so well if you want to Trend if
00:29:15
you want to start Trend yeah then we can figure that out for you okay I got one more thing to ask
00:29:22
you okay I keep saying one more I was out of stuff 45 minutes are you out of stuff okay my last thing that I'll say I
00:29:29
just saw oh no I I have stuff I can do yeah well first of all go ahead I wanted to hear a red red
00:29:36
necki do you have any loaded well I I can do a few red red neys I was thinking because people I did this on a podcast I used to do with Chris re fantastic but I haven't done it on this
00:29:52
podcast much have I well this one's new but the other one fly in the wall you've done it once or twice but it's a hit and
00:29:59
people say it on this one I'm red rednecky the redneck comedian you ever fart so loud dog two stayed away go what that come and get some that was the
00:30:12
beginning go [ __ ] you ever fought so loud dog to stayed away go what that come g i foret my own catchphrase I know I you go ahead this just to get in the
00:30:23
Rhythm because what I want to do I'm going to do three of them and then I'm going to ask people to send in red necky jokes and I will read their red red
00:30:30
necky joke and I'll do one that I was sent in to Chris and you have your crap so big you don't know going to get down that turet come get home so that's laying the ground
00:30:42
workor sort of the level working yet you ever crap so big you don't know if it's going to get down the turlet get down
00:30:49
that turlet go ahead come and get some come and get some for people just hearing this for
00:30:55
the first time it's intentionally supposed toly the worst comedian in the world that is kind of the idea but he's
00:31:00
got a catchphrase and he's super famous well things bad happen or things that don't seem so great and then come and get some is the ultimate Defiance come and get some this is one that someone set in and I did I did a rewrite
00:31:13
on it but I asked my mama to worsh my taty Wy she said sure thing I said how'd it go she said great I haven't seen skid mods like that since the Daytona 500 come get
00:31:25
home that's the longest one we got that that's a pretty good one a good one I I asked my mama what's for for dinner she said roadkill I said what kind she
00:31:37
said I got to take a drive come and get some look some of these I think there's safety and knowing you're eventually going to say come and get home right the two the most off-putting ones are the
00:31:49
fart and the Pooh one but the rest are just basic basic kind of stuff you see if you get this one uh my grandpappy
00:31:57
invented the phrase dollars to Donuts every time he got a dollar he bought a doughnut he died at 27 come and get
00:32:06
some heart attack I don't know what guess what guys people can write in Superfly odyssey.com if they want you to
00:32:13
do more Impressions or more from come and get some oh okay Superfly odyssey.com yeah is that an email yes and send an in so rednecky and
00:32:26
also I'm going to do a run of Johnny Carson getting pulled over for drunk driving and you can send in jokes for
00:32:32
that oh sorry offic sorry officer I didn't know I was swerving I had a tangerine torpedo at the cranky
00:32:44
pigeon sorry officer I didn't know I was swerving I had a dirty double banana deer at the boozy glow the boozy
00:32:52
glow yeah I like when they rhyme the [ __ ] purple nurple it's the drinks here's one well the the original ones I'm sorry officer I didn't know I was swerving I had two slippery monkeys at
00:33:03
the hook and crook see I like that like when they rhyme and here's one that's on double sorry officer I didn't know I was
00:33:09
swerving I had five whiskey sours at the whiskey sour Hut that's a different way to go with it
00:33:16
it's a little little different but if you if you anyone anyone wants to send some in I got one one sorry officer
00:33:24
great I I uh I had a few I had a banana D at the stinky Pinky that's sort of like it right that's almost like red R I know I can't
00:33:37
do it to you you're too good this I'm back to the Super Bowl but not Taylor Swift nuh-uh that's what you think
00:33:42
nuh-uh there's also a football game okay so here's what I'm saying is I saw a few Super Bowl commercials
00:33:50
today which is very odd the new thing they show them to you this far ahead oh yeah and so they have one and they go they have all the stars you know who the
00:34:03
stars were the cast of Suits folks I'm sorry um now I this is one Megan Markle was on Megan marle in the hunt and so she went away and now
00:34:17
suits is it wasn't a big show but now it is and so it's on Netflix it's doing well are you really doing a suits Pary
00:34:23
let me tell you something when Prince Harry came over here he said I got got myself a he wanted to have a celebrity a
00:34:30
superstar girlfriend so everyone over there somehow believed that suits was some [ __ ] hit show with Julie Roberts on it but I'm like isn't that on
00:34:42
TBS I mean is it really she wasn't even the most famous person on suits okay so and no one even knows what suits is so when they we're throwing
00:34:55
around the word Superstar little Loosely that's what I was saying now she's a superstar now but even she will admit
00:35:02
when you're on a show that's on like you know after reruns of uh Barney Miller too far back too far back um well that's he called Prince and now King
00:35:15
Charles after he met Megan margle his daddy I've met the most wonderful woman in the world she's a superstar an
00:35:22
American actress what you say what who that the older one that's the King Charles Charles what
00:35:34
say sorry I just coughed up a Dalmation anyway what's her name taddy name is Megan mares she's the biggest star of the world goodbye Daddy I love
00:35:46
you I'll never leave the royal family very good now if you don't mind we have to cough up or half a
00:35:53
cow son I just go I just Googled her she's not in the top 100 famous people in the world I just do do him like this and I do Megan when he first met Megan she's like hello what's your name my
00:36:06
name's Prince Harry and I'm from the royal family yes I'm Megan marle from a show called the suits have you ever seen it Harry that's how they sound like
00:36:19
Cosby when you did Prince uh Bill Cosby he's he basically Joe B and Bill Cosby have merg in
00:36:31
way and go Bill the lady I like the stiffness I'll get looser with the show I need I need a better chair no I like that you're you you
00:36:45
actually no one even mentions your full bed behind you this is video we do have a we do have a studio coming guys this has been a presentation of
00:36:56
Odyssey Super Fly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Charlie finan of bril entertainment Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it