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welcome back to the ex- homeschoolers
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club uh I'm your host Jacob Gooden and
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uh I'm stoked today I'm joined by my
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friend Emily uh I know her as Emily
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Shields but I know that is no longer her
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actual name as she has gotten married
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that no longer my name but uh Emily
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welcome thank you so much for having me
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I'm very excited I've seen so many of my
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friends on this and I I feel honored
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that I get to be a part of it very cool
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well I'm stoked to have you and um yeah
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tell me a little bit about your
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homeschool Journey cuz I feel like we
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were friends but I feel like we were
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friends from kind of a distance if that
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makes sense yeah we were like friends of
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friends like we were at the same parties
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and uh both of our mutual like kind of
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bestest friend is Carrie France which
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you had on here yeah so we were kind of
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friends um like at parties I would talk
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to and stuff but uh I think mainly when
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we kind of got a little older I was
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talked to you a little bit more at like
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uh a friend's wedding we hung out there
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we danced a little bit and things like
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that but yeah uh I I did start
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homeschooling a little later than some
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people I started when I was entering the
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fourth grade so kind of like you I was
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in the I was in the private school world
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uh and it was a big transition for sure
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kind of like you said where you you knew
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you knew what the real world was like
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and then suddenly you're like what the
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heck I'm at home now like what is what
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is going on and you you missed it and I
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missed it a lot but yeah yeah so do you
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know why your parents decided to pull
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you out of private school to homeschool
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you yes so I I was not very good in
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school I would um i' zone out a lot and
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I learned that I had different learning
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disabilities that would kind of make it
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a little bit tough to keep up with the
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classroom setting and when I was in
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third grade that's when it reached the
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point where I was already taking kind of
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like kind of like special edish classes
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um and just to like try to keep up they
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wanted me to go to summer school they
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wanted me to uh see different like uh go
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into like a different special classroom
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and be held back like kind of things for
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people who are more mentally challenged
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than say I was but you know back then
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there wasn't really resources for
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teachers or like having more inclusive
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classrooms and stuff and um the teacher
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ratio was a lot a lot different than it
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is now now I feel like it's a a lower
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student to teacher back then it was just
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like let's put as many kids as we can in
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the classroom and so there wasn't really
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enough time for me and I they're
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basically kind of like giving up on me
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that's what my parents would say that
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the school system was giving up on me
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and they knew that I was smart like
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I I could learn things at home and I
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would I would get it like I would get my
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schoolwork or not school but like
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homework a little bit early before the
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other kids like I would get it
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um like instead of getting on Monday and
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working on it for the rest of the week
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like normal kids would do I would get it
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the Friday before so I'd have the whole
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weekend to also work on it just so I can
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like kind of keep up and they would see
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that I was trying so hard I just
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couldn't do it and so um they made the
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decision to take me out of school and to
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yeah to try to work on like how we can
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actually have her learn and
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homeschooling seemed like the best
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option for us my I do have an older
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brother who they asked if he wanted to
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be homeschooled he's about seven years
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older than me so I think he was I don't
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know like middle schoolish age or
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something maybe going into high school
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and he's like oh heck no I do want to be
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homeschooled so that's always
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interesting to have one kid homeschooled
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and one kid not homeschooled yeah so I
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still got to see some of that world of
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what school is like because of my
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brother but yeah it it was it was very
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beneficial for me because I could work
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at my own pace and do my my favorite
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thing about homeschooling is that you
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can learn what your super interest is
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yes you know um like like in history
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class instead of just you know reading
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reading the chapter on whatever of I
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don't know the Industrial Revolution or
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something reading that chapter and then
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you move on it's like if there's some
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little nugget that you really like your
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parents will say let's dive into that
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let's learn so much more about this one
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little nugget so you have like a way
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better perspective in the sense rather
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than just jamming every like I know like
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every date and every fact that they
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learn I that's I tell people that all
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the time because like I got really into
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Pirates when I was a kid and my parents
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were like let's just do history around
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Pirates and then I had my favorite
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pirate who was Calico Jack and like I
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knew so much about him as a pirate and
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he wasn't he was obviously an Infamous
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pirate but he wasn't like most people
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know Blackbeard they know Davey Jones
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they know kind of like you know they
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know Jack SP
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even though that's not historically an
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accurate person but they know kind of
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the basis of like a lot of um Pirates
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but they don't know very specific ones
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so like yeah like you said it's like you
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hook onto that one nugget and then your
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parents are just like oh yeah like we
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can find more books on this person or we
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can find more information or go to this
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Museum or
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whatever that is a super powerful thing
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with homeschooling and yeah and
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especially if you like you said you had
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some learning disabilities and I didn't
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but my sister did and she had dyslexia
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and watching her try to like work
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through things was so interesting
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because I just never struggled with that
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kind of stuff like I could I could read
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a book it was totally easy for me to
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just like sit down and power through a
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book but for her it just took so much
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hours longer yeah and so that's cool
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that you had parents who who saw that
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you were like I want to learn and I want
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to figure this out but like it's just
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the system isn't working to get there
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yet and so was there anything in
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particular that they did that you feel
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like kind of
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unlocked like that ability to learn even
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maybe not at a faster Pace but just kind
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of like it made more sense yeah so um my
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parents they uh they both they were
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they're preschool teachers and that's
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how they Met originally um they they
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weren't preschool teachers when I was
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being homeschooled but just when they
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first met they were so they had like a
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base of like the CH the child brain and
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like um human development and things
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like that so uh my mom has always been
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very creative on how we can teach the
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preschoolers like fun different things
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so she just kind of elevated that and
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you know if you make anything into a
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game it's just way better so with say
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with my spelling words I also um was
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pretty dyslexic when I was younger so
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that made it hard but my mom she would
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help with that and like with all my
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spelling words that I would have she
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would put on like a piece of paper and
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she would cut them in random uh places
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like either in half or like cut the Ed
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at the end or whatever and then she made
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it into a game where I had to try to
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match them up kind of like a puzzle to
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like make my spelling word and just
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learn things in a different way like
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that or she made little silly rhymes or
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silly songs with things cuz I was very
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um I connected to music a lot so I still
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remember some of like the songs that I
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still like do in my head sometimes when
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I'm like either spelling a a certain
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word or just things of that nature or um
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kind of like your sister where I had a
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really hard time reading like I could
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read a paragraph and then you ask hey
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Emily what did you read I have no idea I
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could not tell you what it was after
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like my reading comprehension was not
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good they learned that I was more of an
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auditory learner where if my mom read
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books that was way above my like reading
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level then I could get it I understood
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it and uh then I would do my reports
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that way and so it was just cool things
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like that granted um like I would still
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I still had to learn like how to read
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and at my comprehension level but just
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doing things at a different at a
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different pace type of thing yeah no and
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that's it's interesting because
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like yeah my my sister was the same way
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like she was very auditory and yeah had
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like the little game like she did this
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whole thing of like uh it was like with
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your hand it was like one way was like
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balloons and then pigs and like there
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you know there's little
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whatever but yeah I think it's it's
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interesting so like then when you
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navigate after like homeschool into like
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maybe more of a college experience or
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just even like the real
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world you know sometimes
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like I I know for her like she had to go
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find textbooks and things where it was
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like okay how do I find my college
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textbooks in an auditory form or how do
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I turn them into an auditory form or
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like um things like that where it's like
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for me it was like a no-brain right I
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just I didn't even think about it
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because that wasn't my struggle but it
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was just I I don't know it's interesting
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to kind of like hear people's
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perspective and then also like has
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anything shifted like do you I don't
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know do you read books now or you still
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very much more like an Audi book podcast
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kind of person now I am a super reader I
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read
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247 um like anytime I'm at work I have a
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break I read when my baby's taking a nap
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I go read so it's so funny because when
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I was younger yeah I didn't really like
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reading because it was so hard but then
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um with a different like kind of like
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therapies that I did like I did um like
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a a vision therapy that would help with
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my tracking like finding the words
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because that was one of my issues my
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eyes would jump all around the page so
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it made it really difficult for reading
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so things like that um they did help me
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and I kind of found little other tricks
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that would just help me so now uh I
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don't really notice any of those
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disabilities too much which is kind of
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cool um I was able to work around it
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from my own way to to do things even in
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my day-to-day job and I feel like
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homeschooling definitely helped that
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where you don't have to do things that
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are like the cookie cutter way but you
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can do things as long as you get to the
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main goal just do it your own way type
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of thing yeah no and that's what's
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that's what's cool too yeah and to your
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point it's cool to hear too that you're
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like I once you figure out those those
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like tricks and those tools and you
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figure out your learning style well then
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eventually you get to the point where
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you would never even know right like you
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you can read a book just fine now right
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and you did classes to to track and so
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it's like it's like now it's like you
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probably don't look at a page the same
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way you did when you were first kind of
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like figuring out like oh my gosh this
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is like utter chaos right this is
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absolute hell for me to try to figure
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out so that's cool to hear because I
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think a lot of times people get
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discouraged because they one they either
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maybe didn't get diagnosed as a kid
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properly or didn't have parents who
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really helped win their education or
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like took notice of that kind of thing
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and so now they're full-fledged adults
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and they still struggle with it and
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instead of being like okay let's figure
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out a way to do this they'll just throw
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books out the window right they're like
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that's I I don't read because it's too
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hard for me um and so yeah so anyway
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highly encourage parents and kids to
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there there's answers out there you can
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you can solve a lot of lot of things and
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there's so much more knowledge now to be
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able to like figure out yeah what's
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going on with you and and and I feel
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like now it's so much more common to
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have something just like you know a
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little off in a good way you know almost
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everyone has a little at least something
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and they're more free to talk about it
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and in the back like back in the day it
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was like mortifying like I didn't want
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any of my friends to know that I I was
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having a hard time with this or
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struggling with this but now everyone is
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I feel just so much more open with
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everything about just who they are
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there's not as much secrets you know
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yeah which I love that's good that's
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good because yeah well
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and the more you talk to people the more
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you realize yeah we're all the yeah like
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you said we're all the same we all got
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our own problems and like the only way
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to really work through it is yeah you
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got to be open about it because the
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longer you store that stuff inside of
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you it's like that serves nobody you
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know anyway so okay so you were then
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home school so fourth grade did you you
00:12:52
went all the way through High School
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through high school homeo yeah my
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parents when um when I was going into
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Middle School my parents said ask as me
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if I wanted to go into middle school
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because they felt maybe I could like
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attempt it even though I think they knew
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I was going to say no it was just kind
00:13:07
of like giving me the offer and I told
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them like the only thing that I want is
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I want lunchtime because in movies like
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everything happened in the lunch period
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so I wanted to go to Lunchtime With
00:13:19
Friends yeah and I wanted a locker
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because everything great happens in
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front of a locker so and so um for
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Christmas that year my parents bought me
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my own
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locker it was like a bright lime green
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Locker it was huge um if you for people
00:13:36
who watch High School Musical it's like
00:13:38
the size of Sharp's Locker the bright
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pink one how she has like double Locker
00:13:42
for those who know they know but yeah so
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once I got that Locker I was like okay I
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don't have to go to regular school
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anymore I'm fine doing this uh and there
00:13:51
was a point that I did stuff like I did
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go inside my locker and close the door
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cuz I was like I'm like a nerd and I'm
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stuffed in my locker
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because I was that sad cuz I just wanted
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to be like a normal school person and
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then my brother walked in and he's like
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that doesn't happen at school I don't
00:14:07
know what you're thinking but it doesn't
00:14:09
happen but yeah so yeah we have this
00:14:13
weird glamorized like version of what
00:14:16
public school looked like I think and
00:14:17
yeah is movies like High School Musical
00:14:20
definitely paint uh a much more
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glamorized version of what high school
00:14:25
would have looked like um but that's so
00:14:28
funny yeah I know never asked for a
00:14:29
locker but that's hilarious that's I
00:14:32
still have it it's in um and I would
00:14:34
always put my schoolwork in it because
00:14:35
that's what you're supposed to do with
00:14:36
lockers but I still have it it's in my
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garage and my husband a few we've had a
00:14:41
few rounds of garage Sals and every time
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he's like are you sure you don't want to
00:14:44
get rid of it like do we still need that
00:14:46
and I said I got this Locker so I didn't
00:14:48
have to go to school this is the best
00:14:50
thing ever and someday our kids are
00:14:52
going to think this is the coolest thing
00:14:53
ever but yeah who can say they have a
00:14:55
locker in their garage not too many
00:14:57
people so I own that yeah not too many
00:15:00
people that's funny so so okay so
00:15:03
following homeschool did you after
00:15:07
graduation College job what what was the
00:15:10
kind of the path there so after
00:15:12
graduation I um I didn't really fully
00:15:15
know what I wanted to do so I just did
00:15:18
what most people do and they just uh you
00:15:20
know try a few things at Community
00:15:22
College and I tried a few different
00:15:25
classes uh most of them are all fun like
00:15:28
uh theater is or kind of Child
00:15:30
Development things cuz I would Nanny and
00:15:33
babysit in high school so I'm like oh
00:15:34
that's easy I know kids I'll do that and
00:15:37
um I tried to have a few normal classes
00:15:40
so I tried to take a Spanish class and
00:15:43
it was a um a film studies class and for
00:15:48
both those classes I realized this is
00:15:50
too intense I could not keep up I could
00:15:52
not handle this and it is intimidating
00:15:56
having so many students in your class
00:15:59
that just seemed to get it and I just I
00:16:03
just could not get it that it was just
00:16:04
really overwhelming to me I mean in
00:16:07
homeschooling you have classes and stuff
00:16:10
with other kids but at Max there's like
00:16:13
10 to 11 kids usually you know there's
00:16:16
not too many in there but then suddenly
00:16:19
you're in a a classroom that has you
00:16:22
know people that just graduated but also
00:16:24
since Community College it has so many
00:16:26
other age ranges that and there's like
00:16:28
30 kids in your class and there's or
00:16:31
kids not adults in your class and it's
00:16:34
just very overwhelming and I could not
00:16:36
keep up with it and as I I left those
00:16:39
classes and was just trying to figure
00:16:41
out what I wanted to do and since I like
00:16:43
Child Development I stuck with those
00:16:45
classes because they made sense to me I
00:16:47
could actually do them and I was a
00:16:50
preschool teacher for about five years
00:16:53
and then uh I stopped that and now I
00:16:57
work at an electrical company the same
00:16:59
that my father works at and you never
00:17:02
know where in your where you're gonna go
00:17:03
in your life you know I didn't think I
00:17:05
was going to work some place like that
00:17:07
but it's money and that's what I want so
00:17:10
that's where I am yeah yeah hey
00:17:13
sometimes a job def College material we
00:17:16
I was just trying to graduate I we're
00:17:18
still just amazed that I graduated so
00:17:21
hey you know yeah it's not for everybody
00:17:24
but you know it's I don't know I I
00:17:27
didn't have a terrible College
00:17:29
experience I purposefully chose a
00:17:31
college that had it was a smaller
00:17:33
student size and so classes tended to be
00:17:35
a little bit more in that average what
00:17:37
we were used to right maybe 15 kids and
00:17:40
then there was a few classes that were
00:17:41
like 50 kids and those classes were
00:17:43
overwhelming because yeah it was really
00:17:44
easy to all of a sudden feel like I'm
00:17:47
very behind you know um and yeah and and
00:17:51
going to a more traditional College I I
00:17:55
mean I didn't have there wasn't too many
00:17:57
people at that school that that were
00:17:59
older like I know yeah VC oxer College
00:18:02
yeah you got people all over the
00:18:03
Spectrum you got high school kids to
00:18:05
like 40-year-old adults uh plus taking
00:18:09
classes to get an education and it's
00:18:10
like it's cool but it's a definitely a
00:18:13
different learning experience than like
00:18:14
being at a university right where it's
00:18:16
typically going to be at like 18 to
00:18:19
22 right and you're all living together
00:18:22
and you know that kind of thing so it
00:18:26
definitely was a it was a challeng it
00:18:28
was an adjustment to to go into that for
00:18:30
sure but but that was why I was like I
00:18:32
got to choose a school that I feel like
00:18:34
I can be more familiar with because I
00:18:35
there was a couple schools I was looked
00:18:36
at and I was like they're just massive
00:18:38
and I was like I'm just gonna I'm a
00:18:39
number at that point it's like I can't
00:18:41
be a number I gotta be a person um so
00:18:45
well that's cool and okay so one of the
00:18:48
things that you had brought up in kind
00:18:51
of our pre-show prep was you wanted to
00:18:54
talk about senior ditch day so I didn't
00:18:56
do a senior ditch day well I mean who
00:19:00
do that exactly my yeah my senior ditch
00:19:03
day was just a normal Tuesday
00:19:06
like yeah okay so so tell me a little
00:19:09
bit about that kind of like what we said
00:19:10
before how you you know you learn
00:19:12
everything from TV and movies uh because
00:19:17
since we couldn't actually experience
00:19:19
what was going on in the real world
00:19:21
sometimes that was our worldview is like
00:19:23
these movies these TV shows where it's
00:19:25
like this is what they do this must be
00:19:26
real this must be true so everything had
00:19:29
senior ditch day and so me and my
00:19:32
friends we wanted to also do a senior
00:19:34
ditch day and we're like how are we
00:19:35
going to do that also what are we going
00:19:37
to do and only one of us has a car so we
00:19:38
have to figure this out somehow and uh
00:19:42
so we've you've mentioned this a few
00:19:44
times on your podcast with other people
00:19:47
uh group Solutions which was kind of
00:19:49
like our version of going to school
00:19:51
every other Friday we went to some place
00:19:53
had about like three classes and we were
00:19:55
all together and um so and we appeared
00:19:58
so that was like our school so we
00:20:01
decided Well it has to be when we were
00:20:03
supposed to be going to school so it has
00:20:05
to be on a group Solutions day cuz we're
00:20:07
not going to ditch at home so we have to
00:20:09
ditch from going somewhere but it only
00:20:11
counts if you first go to the place
00:20:14
that's what we thought so we went to
00:20:16
group solutions to our schooling we
00:20:18
stepped foot there and then we left
00:20:21
because we had because we had to
00:20:23
actually ditch it right yeah um but
00:20:26
unbeknownst to my friends I I told my
00:20:29
mom about the senior ditch day because I
00:20:31
tell my mom everything and she was
00:20:33
totally chill with it she didn't care
00:20:34
but she uh did say well you know a lot
00:20:38
of those moms in there those are my
00:20:40
friends and your teachers are my friends
00:20:43
and they're going to wonder why I'm like
00:20:45
why me your mom is there but you're not
00:20:47
there and I don't want to lie to them so
00:20:50
you have to you have to call them and
00:20:51
tell them that you're not going to be
00:20:53
there and I was like Mom this is not a
00:20:55
ditch day now I don't want to call my
00:20:57
teachers she's like these are my
00:21:00
friends absence at this point I did what
00:21:03
my mom wanted me to do but I didn't tell
00:21:04
my friends this and I still count it in
00:21:06
my heart that it was a senior ditch day
00:21:08
so we did our ditch day we or we ditched
00:21:11
school to do schoolish activities this
00:21:14
is so homeschool um we we drove to LA
00:21:18
and we were going to go to museums okay
00:21:21
so that's what we did we we went to we
00:21:24
went to the Holocaust Museum the Science
00:21:28
Center Museum Museum because they having
00:21:29
an exhibit on King T and we were so
00:21:32
interested we're just so
00:21:34
homeschooled and um then uh we went to
00:21:37
LACMA the LA Museum of Modern Art I
00:21:40
think that's what it's called and but um
00:21:44
something amazing happened at the Museum
00:21:46
of Modern Art so you know how at museums
00:21:51
you kind of have to follow a pattern
00:21:53
like when when you're in there like uh
00:21:55
you have to all walk kind of the same
00:21:57
direction you know uh to follow the
00:22:00
whole art and stuff since it was the
00:22:01
middle of school day there weren't too
00:22:02
many people there and I was being
00:22:06
hilarious and making comments on the art
00:22:08
and stuff and my friends were laughing
00:22:10
and then it turns out in the same room
00:22:12
as us there was um Nick Jonas Kevin
00:22:16
Jonas and a random friend so not Joe was
00:22:20
there but they were in the room with us
00:22:22
as well and again this is a museum you
00:22:24
just follow the path so we weren't
00:22:26
stalking them they were just we were
00:22:28
following the the path and then we get
00:22:30
to one room that had a uh like a statue
00:22:33
in like the middle of the room and we
00:22:35
were all staring at the Statue and I
00:22:37
said something funny and Nick Jonas
00:22:40
laughed I don't know what I said I
00:22:42
blacked out and my friends don't
00:22:43
remember either cuz they were just too
00:22:45
amazed that Nick Jonas laughed and we
00:22:46
were like oh my God he laughed we're in
00:22:49
this is amazing and then their phone
00:22:51
rang and they were like oh Kevin we have
00:22:53
to leave and then Nick was like okay
00:22:55
yeah we're gonna go so then they left
00:22:57
and I think they were doing like some I
00:22:58
don't know some thing I don't think it
00:23:00
was a concert or anything but yeah so
00:23:03
that was pretty amazing so I could say
00:23:04
like my senior ditch day was pretty
00:23:06
memorable and I do count it as a ditch
00:23:09
day even though I did call my teachers
00:23:11
no that's 100% a ditch day I love that
00:23:13
you guys went to a mum though that that
00:23:16
CS me out three three and we were so
00:23:18
excited to go to the
00:23:20
museums we didn't like do
00:23:22
anything yeah yeah that is a super
00:23:25
homeschooler move but um but yeah I mean
00:23:27
how many people can say on their DCH day
00:23:29
they ran into two of the Jonas Brothers
00:23:32
arguably the two best Jonas Brothers um
00:23:35
yes sorry
00:23:36
Joe yeah Joe you lost your spot but yeah
00:23:40
exactly you missed out on the
00:23:42
opportunity to laugh at Emily's joke um
00:23:44
so I know it was obviously really good I
00:23:46
don't wish I knew what it was I have no
00:23:48
idea exactly Nick thought it was funny
00:23:51
yeah that's that's hilarious I don't
00:23:53
remember doing anything like that I
00:23:55
remember doing special stuff senior year
00:23:57
but like like you do your graduation
00:23:59
right did you do the Disney night yeah
00:24:03
we did Disney I think you're just like
00:24:05
one year younger than me so you weren't
00:24:06
in my year of doing yeah yeah cuz you
00:24:09
guys graduated 2013 and I was 2014 so
00:24:14
yeah yeah I mean we still the coolest
00:24:16
things on our senior year which is
00:24:17
really cool because I know a lot of
00:24:19
other kids like you know they didn't
00:24:21
they didn't do really anything other
00:24:23
than maybe one like say grad night
00:24:26
somewhere and then they just had
00:24:27
graduation and that was
00:24:28
but I thought it was so cool how we had
00:24:31
a bunch of different activities like we
00:24:32
would go bowling or we'd have game night
00:24:35
at someone's house granted there's only
00:24:37
like um I think like 13 of us in the
00:24:39
graduating class um yeah I don't know I
00:24:43
just it felt like we were like a big
00:24:45
Community or not big but like a
00:24:47
community of like we're doing this
00:24:48
together and we don't have to be
00:24:49
separate just cuz we're homeschooled
00:24:51
like you know don't have to be separate
00:24:53
so that was really cool I got asked a
00:24:55
lot when I got to college like oh so
00:24:57
graduation like was it just your parents
00:24:59
like handing you a a piece of paper
00:25:01
basically and I was like no like I had
00:25:03
like a graduation and I was like granted
00:25:05
it was only 12 of us but I still had a
00:25:08
graduation you know and yeah people were
00:25:11
there we did the capping gown and
00:25:12
everything my parents were the ones that
00:25:15
handed me my diploma but it was still it
00:25:19
was certified and then people clapped it
00:25:21
was a thing you know yeah well it's
00:25:24
funny too because I have there's a
00:25:25
couple people who were like is it even a
00:25:29
legit diploma and I was like well yeah
00:25:31
like I went to private school
00:25:33
technically um so it it's funny I don't
00:25:37
know it's just funny I don't know if
00:25:38
you've had too many people be like well
00:25:40
is your
00:25:41
education ask that yeah because you you
00:25:44
do have to register and for me I don't
00:25:46
know about everyone but we we didn't
00:25:48
register our own house as a
00:25:50
homeschooling thing because I know some
00:25:52
people did we were affiliated with like
00:25:55
um I don't know some kind of Homeschool
00:25:57
Group that we would send in all like my
00:26:00
grades and my records in so then it was
00:26:02
all like and then sent to the state to
00:26:04
prove hey she's doing what she needs to
00:26:06
do like everything's right legal and
00:26:08
good you know um so I think that's
00:26:10
important I think it's always important
00:26:12
for uh like I don't know to still to
00:26:18
still show the state or the world are
00:26:20
just right and good of this is
00:26:24
all what am I trying to say like I I get
00:26:27
you like there's there's kind of a
00:26:30
people there's
00:26:31
a there's something to being like we're
00:26:34
actually doing this you know and there's
00:26:36
great like I remember taking
00:26:37
standardized testing when I was a kid
00:26:39
that was not run by my parents that was
00:26:41
like I went to an actual physical place
00:26:44
and took the bubble I had the bubble
00:26:46
sheet and I did the test kind of a thing
00:26:49
so like getting to like the SATs for
00:26:50
college and stuff was not super it was
00:26:53
intimidating because obviously it's like
00:26:55
the test that determines if you get into
00:26:57
schools not but at the same time it was
00:26:59
like it was less intimidating because I
00:27:02
was already familiar with that kind of
00:27:03
thing and then yeah I also knew that
00:27:06
because it's a private school my parents
00:27:08
were also submitting stuff to the
00:27:09
government to be like we're a legit
00:27:11
School here's the transcripts here's the
00:27:13
whatever um but yeah and that's
00:27:15
something I definitely I'm going to have
00:27:16
some parents on at some point and so uh
00:27:19
I'm I I want to ask them a little bit
00:27:21
more about that because I don't
00:27:22
understand the behind the
00:27:24
scenes to see the parent side of things
00:27:28
with that because we we only get like a
00:27:31
certain little Glimpse because I I was
00:27:33
just thinking about this the other day
00:27:34
because you know homeschooling like is
00:27:37
not for the faint of heart for either
00:27:40
parties I feel like it it is very hard
00:27:43
and it is that very challenging
00:27:45
because you I don't know about you but
00:27:48
like my schooling like you didn't it
00:27:49
didn't like shut off at the end of the
00:27:51
day it you can always learn everything
00:27:53
is an opportunity to learn um and if
00:27:57
we'd go on vacation
00:27:58
then like say we went to Florida we did
00:28:00
the whole Disney World thing but before
00:28:02
we went to Florida I had to learn
00:28:05
everything about it like when it was
00:28:06
founded what's the state flower all the
00:28:09
like lighthouses that were there I had
00:28:10
to do reports on them we did definitely
00:28:12
stop at the lighthouses so I can take
00:28:13
pictures so then I could report on it
00:28:15
later like every single thing is an
00:28:17
opportunity I still had to read like
00:28:20
books um like school books when we were
00:28:22
on the plane or in the car or just
00:28:24
whatever so just cuz you're not like
00:28:28
like in school or yeah just cuz you're
00:28:31
not in school it doesn't it doesn't stop
00:28:32
for us basically right like you said how
00:28:34
you were at Disneyland but you're still
00:28:36
doing like a math test like just every
00:28:39
you can always learn even if it's a sick
00:28:41
day for other people um that went to
00:28:44
school it's like oh I could just watch
00:28:45
TV I can just do whatever you want to oh
00:28:47
perfect it's a sick day but you can sit
00:28:49
up in your bed that means you could
00:28:51
still do your normal work you know yeah
00:28:54
my mom it was like unless you were
00:28:57
thrown up and were on death's door yeah
00:28:59
you were doing school um yeah so yeah
00:29:02
she was definitely a stick a stickler we
00:29:04
were I think we were
00:29:06
usually you know I think we were a lot
00:29:08
of maybe you know a a sick day where
00:29:11
it's like you really don't have to do
00:29:12
anything this day but it typically lined
00:29:15
up with the day that you're the most
00:29:16
sick which you're not going to do
00:29:17
anything anyways you know um so yeah a
00:29:22
day where you don't do that much school
00:29:24
cuz your mom has to run a bunch of
00:29:25
errands so you have to go and do the
00:29:27
errands with her so it's like cool I
00:29:29
didn't really do school today but I'm
00:29:31
probably going to make for up for it
00:29:33
like on a Saturday and do a little bit
00:29:35
of school you know like it all will
00:29:36
balance out but it's kind of just like
00:29:39
Mish mosed of when you do school kind of
00:29:41
when you don't do school just as long as
00:29:42
it kind of gets done
00:29:44
eventually yeah absolutely I mean I I
00:29:47
have friends that they would they would
00:29:49
kind of they would go hard on like a
00:29:51
particular subject right so they would
00:29:53
they would be like I'm going to do math
00:29:55
for a month and they just do a whole
00:29:57
Year's worth of math in a month and then
00:29:59
the next month would be something else
00:30:00
and that was kind of the thing that was
00:30:02
allowed I couldn't do that I was like no
00:30:04
that doesn't work for
00:30:05
me I get too bored with that but um but
00:30:10
yeah but there's definitely that
00:30:10
flexibility right to be like I I
00:30:13
struggled to
00:30:14
integrate uh I was learning Spanish as
00:30:17
my foreign language in high school I
00:30:19
struggled to integrate that into my
00:30:20
weekly routine and so it became one of
00:30:22
those things where it was like either
00:30:23
the weekends or we're just going to hold
00:30:26
off and you're going to do it during the
00:30:27
summer you know so to your point it's
00:30:29
like learning never stopped because well
00:30:32
we're just going to push it until you
00:30:34
know there's actually a time that works
00:30:36
for it and you know but that's that was
00:30:39
what was great that was what was one of
00:30:40
the great things about like with the
00:30:41
flexibility and things like that so yeah
00:30:45
yeah definitely it helped out for me
00:30:47
because when I was um like in high
00:30:50
school kind of end of or not not
00:30:52
actually Middle School I think it was
00:30:53
mainly just all high school I had a cake
00:30:56
decorating business that I did
00:30:58
and where I did like parties and I did
00:31:01
like a few weddings and things like that
00:31:03
and um I and I was you know a teenager I
00:31:06
was supposed to be in school but while
00:31:09
like if it was like a certain day like a
00:31:12
parties's on like you know on the
00:31:14
weekend or on a Friday night and they
00:31:16
have a bunch of cupcakes that they want
00:31:18
then I can take off that whole Friday or
00:31:19
like the Thursday before and Friday do
00:31:22
all my baking things and then just catch
00:31:24
up with my work like on the weekend or
00:31:26
whatever so it's it was nice it was you
00:31:29
know to be very flexible if you have a
00:31:30
certain um activity or you know
00:31:34
dedicated to a sport or just like if
00:31:35
you're super dedicated or like really
00:31:37
want to get into something it's just so
00:31:39
nice to have that like flexibility I was
00:31:42
the same way I had a couple of my own
00:31:43
businesses and jobs and stuff and so
00:31:45
yeah it was like nice to have that
00:31:46
flexibility be like Tuesday at 10:00
00:31:48
a.m. I'm going to this person's house
00:31:50
for a guitar lesson and then I'm coming
00:31:51
home and then I'm you know gonna go do
00:31:53
this thing and work to the music studio
00:31:55
yeah all that kind of stuff so no that's
00:31:57
super cool so you are a mom now you're
00:32:00
married and you have a kid is
00:32:02
homeschooling something that you are
00:32:04
thinking about or I know your kid is
00:32:06
still very young no no okay my kid is
00:32:09
one and a half or yeah he's one and a
00:32:11
half now um that was never a thought I
00:32:15
never wanted I always wanted to be a mom
00:32:16
I never wanted to be a homeschool mom
00:32:19
because I think it takes it takes a
00:32:21
certain not I don't think everyone can
00:32:24
homeschool and there are certain friends
00:32:27
where even I think their parents like
00:32:29
maybe you should not have homeschooled
00:32:30
your kids like I don't think you have
00:32:32
all the right knowledge kind of for this
00:32:35
um I do think it takes certain people or
00:32:37
certain like even if you don't have all
00:32:39
the know knowledge committed people that
00:32:41
can get you to like you know people who
00:32:45
have like more teaching credentials or
00:32:47
things like that right uh I know with my
00:32:49
struggles of uh like learning it would
00:32:53
be too hard for me to do and I don't
00:32:56
also I live in California and Southern
00:33:00
California and I own a home and that I
00:33:03
can only do that if me and my husband
00:33:05
both work and I want to give my child a
00:33:08
certain kind of LIF style and if I am a
00:33:11
stay-at-home mom and not bringing that
00:33:13
income I know that we won't be able to
00:33:15
do those kinds of things like go on the
00:33:17
Vacations or give them the things that
00:33:19
they want or like you know just have
00:33:21
have more of like the Peace of Mind life
00:33:23
and again I do know some parents where
00:33:26
they were super struggling because
00:33:27
someone had to stay home not everyone
00:33:30
like my my family they were they were
00:33:32
pretty good my mom was like an extreme
00:33:34
Coupe on her so you know we made it work
00:33:36
but there's just some people where I'm
00:33:37
like even as I got a little bit older
00:33:40
like maybe get a part-time job Mom so
00:33:42
then you can like help out a little bit
00:33:44
more just because I don't know I just
00:33:46
think about the financials a lot and my
00:33:47
husband is a very um like Financial
00:33:50
driven guy so I just knew that I wanted
00:33:53
to work and also I feel like I would
00:33:54
lose my mind if I was a stay at home uh
00:33:57
home School mom so definitely props to
00:34:00
everyone that wants to do that I do not
00:34:02
want
00:34:03
to but um and that's okay to each their
00:34:06
own you know and the cool thing is that
00:34:10
you I picked up on a few things that you
00:34:12
said there and that was you want to give
00:34:14
your kid like the best life possible
00:34:16
which involves you being involved in
00:34:18
their life and that's
00:34:21
really ultimately I don't really care
00:34:23
how kids are educated I know there's
00:34:25
some people out there who are like this
00:34:26
is the only way children should be
00:34:27
educated it's the public school system
00:34:29
or the private school system or
00:34:31
homeschooling I don't really care I
00:34:32
think each kid is different and I think
00:34:34
they have their unique strengths um in
00:34:36
all different areas of education but the
00:34:39
thing that sets people apart is when the
00:34:42
parent is involved and actually cares
00:34:44
about it right they give a about
00:34:46
their kid enough to be like I want you
00:34:48
to
00:34:49
succeed and I'm going to make sure that
00:34:51
that happens so whatever that looks like
00:34:54
they're there for them and uh so anyway
00:34:56
I picked up on
00:34:58
you saying that
00:34:59
so already winning in my book oh thank
00:35:03
you but it is very interesting being a
00:35:06
working mom because it one of was
00:35:08
obviously just it's just hard like to go
00:35:10
back to work after you know you have a
00:35:12
baby and stuff
00:35:14
but being homeschooled you know you're
00:35:17
surrounded by people with their moms
00:35:19
there all the time and that's all that
00:35:21
you know and that's how you see like you
00:35:24
see them raise their children always
00:35:26
being there and so now once I turned
00:35:29
into a mom it was just I there was a
00:35:32
time where I kind of felt less of a mom
00:35:35
because I'm like I'm not going to be
00:35:37
there I'm not going to be there as much
00:35:39
and and things like that but then and I
00:35:41
think it's just because I was surrounded
00:35:42
by everyone always having their mom
00:35:45
there and then I had to rearrange my
00:35:47
thinking and be like okay there's a
00:35:49
small amount of group that is
00:35:50
homeschooled that you know always have
00:35:52
their mom there granted some people
00:35:54
always have their mom there even if
00:35:55
they're not homeschooled you know uh
00:35:56
whatever right but there's so if I was
00:35:59
in school still
00:36:02
like uh yeah if I was in school for like
00:36:05
more of my life then I probably would
00:36:07
have seen more working moms and I wonder
00:36:09
if I would have felt differently and
00:36:11
like wouldn't have felt so much Mom
00:36:13
guilt about going back to work so i'
00:36:16
I've gotten past some of it now but yeah
00:36:19
I just I just know that I I can't do it
00:36:23
I don't want to do it like I don't I
00:36:25
mean I don't want to like homeschool my
00:36:26
child except if they really need it like
00:36:29
how that was not the first thought of my
00:36:31
parents to like oh let's homeschool
00:36:33
their kids no they put your kids in
00:36:35
school because that's what you normally
00:36:36
do but when they realize that I could
00:36:39
not do it I could not keep up and stuff
00:36:42
uh then they did what was best for me
00:36:44
obviously for my son if for some reason
00:36:47
he cannot keep up with the school or
00:36:48
just whatever then I would take him out
00:36:50
and figure out what to do but I think it
00:36:53
everything is by a case- toase basis of
00:36:55
like what the child is like what school
00:36:57
system is like and now there's so many
00:36:59
more resources that uh like schools have
00:37:04
like I don't know they they pick up on
00:37:06
things more if kids are like a little
00:37:08
bit different they adjust their
00:37:09
curriculum more like it there's just
00:37:11
more options I feel than there were back
00:37:14
in the day when I started homeschooling
00:37:16
am grateful I was homeschooled but I I
00:37:19
don't want to do it and it was
00:37:21
definitely very hard in high school
00:37:24
especially um the relationship like with
00:37:26
my mom it was
00:37:28
hard sorry motorcycle went by I'm
00:37:30
filming in my car people I'm sorry
00:37:33
um but yeah so it was just it was hard
00:37:36
with my mom sometimes on both ends
00:37:39
because she has a you know a teenager
00:37:43
who's going to puberty who has a lot of
00:37:45
emotional things going on and then she's
00:37:48
never homeschooled a child before she
00:37:50
doesn't you know fully know what she's
00:37:51
doing as as we're adults now we realize
00:37:55
that our parents don't really know
00:37:57
they're just trying to make it through
00:37:58
it you know they they don't know what's
00:38:00
always going on but when we're younger
00:38:02
we're like you know everything like why
00:38:04
why are you ruining my life why you
00:38:05
doing this and now that you're an adult
00:38:07
you realize they were just really just
00:38:09
trying to figure it out they were just
00:38:11
trying to figure it out and but it was
00:38:13
also hard for me CU my mom sometimes
00:38:16
couldn't switch off the mom mode and the
00:38:18
teacher mode and so sometimes I had to
00:38:21
say like just stop being a teacher like
00:38:22
just be my mom right now or vice versa
00:38:25
like stop being my mom just like treat
00:38:27
me like a student like stop either
00:38:29
babying me I'm 17 like just give me my
00:38:32
school workor you know things like that
00:38:34
so there's times where it did get just
00:38:37
rough yeah did you experience kind of
00:38:40
hard things with your parents when you
00:38:41
were yeah you're saying that and I'm
00:38:44
like I'm like I remember the same thing
00:38:46
I remember my mom especially in the the
00:38:48
first couple years her really the
00:38:51
struggle of like there was a lot going
00:38:54
on and then on top of that like
00:38:58
and was
00:39:00
like yeah my mom wasn't always a nice
00:39:03
person you know so like her and I are
00:39:06
good today um and we have been good most
00:39:09
of our lives but it's but it's like yeah
00:39:11
it's like Mom you got to turn off the
00:39:13
teacher or Mom you got to turn off being
00:39:15
a mom for two seconds real quick and
00:39:18
yeah and then going into oh my God going
00:39:20
into high school and hormonal teenager
00:39:22
stuff like I've been thinking a lot
00:39:24
about that and about just like
00:39:27
the Purity culture stuff that we grew up
00:39:29
in which I do want to kind of bring up
00:39:32
at some point but the one of the things
00:39:35
that like I yeah they were just trying
00:39:37
to figure it out and you funny enough
00:39:41
like I'm the oldest you're obviously
00:39:43
second kid and so there's a degree to
00:39:45
which your parent kind of understands
00:39:47
the teenager thing when you're the
00:39:48
second kid because they're like okay
00:39:49
well I've already done it once but you
00:39:51
tack on your brother wasn't homeschooled
00:39:54
so there is this there's kind of a no
00:39:56
break situation right where it's like
00:39:59
and and even by the time I was in high
00:40:01
school my dad worked at home so there
00:40:03
was no breaking between any of us there
00:40:05
was just like we all were in one house
00:40:07
together almost
00:40:09
247 and uh and so yeah when when someone
00:40:13
couldn't flip it off it was just like
00:40:16
you were just at each other's throats
00:40:18
you know yeah you have a hard school day
00:40:21
and you know you have a hard time with
00:40:23
your parent being the teacher for a
00:40:25
little bit you know I don't know arguing
00:40:26
about and they just not wanting to do it
00:40:29
you know you can be angry at your
00:40:31
teacher like you know normal people can
00:40:33
just be angry at their teacher uh
00:40:35
because they dis or they don't like they
00:40:37
great or just you know they're annoyed
00:40:38
by something but then you have to go to
00:40:41
dinner with them you know and then you
00:40:43
have and then you watch TV later that
00:40:45
night and it's like you sometimes you
00:40:47
just it's hard sometimes to separate
00:40:49
things so we would try to separate
00:40:51
things like okay as soon as we turn on
00:40:53
the show we just won't talk and we're
00:40:55
just like gonna watch the show and then
00:40:57
we come out happier because it's like
00:40:59
that's like a a little buffer or
00:41:00
something but yeah is just hard then
00:41:02
even after
00:41:04
graduation yeah my mom tried to
00:41:06
compartmentalize it a little bit by
00:41:07
being like okay here's where the school
00:41:09
stuff goes and then we can hide it you
00:41:12
know so when school's over we can kind
00:41:14
of like it we close the door whatever
00:41:16
it's out of sight but it it still didn't
00:41:20
work always right cuz there was there
00:41:22
was always those circumstances of like
00:41:24
you didn't finish on time or you just
00:41:26
needed extra time or whatever so it's
00:41:28
like sometimes that closet never got
00:41:31
closed yeah my dad didn't work at home
00:41:33
like yours did so a lot of times we
00:41:35
would just like let's just wait for Dad
00:41:36
to come home and then he'll deal with
00:41:38
this you know he was like the principal
00:41:40
kind of and uh like because we're both
00:41:42
saying two different things and we need
00:41:44
the principal to like bridge the gap
00:41:46
between us type thing so it was I just
00:41:49
felt bad for my dad sometimes like he's
00:41:52
just coming home from work all happy to
00:41:53
be home and then it's like instantly
00:41:55
like we're in a fight and then he's
00:41:56
seeing us he's like I have to deal with
00:41:58
this but um yeah yeah and even after
00:42:01
graduation it was hard cuz you know my
00:42:04
mom's been homeschooling for so long
00:42:06
that's like her whole thing and then
00:42:07
suddenly she doesn't have to homeschool
00:42:09
me so it's like we don't need teacher
00:42:11
anymore but then she doesn't know how to
00:42:13
not be a teacher and that has been kind
00:42:15
of hard it took a little bit of time and
00:42:17
there was not separation but just like
00:42:20
not as much of a closeness for a short
00:42:22
time but then we were able to talk it
00:42:24
out and it is good but now that I'm an
00:42:26
adult I was just realizing like you know
00:42:28
she was one role for so long and then in
00:42:30
within a day you know graduation now
00:42:32
it's gone it's like yeah I've put my
00:42:34
whole life into this for my kid and now
00:42:38
it's over and I don't really know what
00:42:39
to do it's like kind of like empty nest
00:42:41
syndrome but like not especially because
00:42:43
I lived at home still like well when I
00:42:45
graduated I lived at home for like two
00:42:47
more years um yeah but yeah I think
00:42:49
something that parents don't do that
00:42:53
that I I'm not going to say my parents
00:42:56
did not do this perfectly
00:42:57
however I think there
00:43:00
was my mom did had a lot of intention
00:43:02
behind like learning from previous
00:43:05
homeschool parents about like all of the
00:43:07
different transition periods within
00:43:09
homeschooling right so your kid going
00:43:12
from grade school to Junior High to then
00:43:15
high school and then graduating and like
00:43:17
so not only is it changing for the kid
00:43:19
the entire time but it's also changing
00:43:20
for the parent and I remember yeah one
00:43:22
of the things that was became really
00:43:26
instrumental for her was that she had to
00:43:28
learn that when my sister was getting
00:43:30
close to graduating she needed to also
00:43:33
start pursuing her own like hobbies and
00:43:35
interests because well my time as a
00:43:37
teacher is about to end so now I need to
00:43:39
have something to do to fill all that
00:43:41
time and it took a long time and it was
00:43:44
really frustrating for her and it took a
00:43:45
lot of just like trying different things
00:43:47
and meeting new people and all this kind
00:43:48
of thing um but she she came she found
00:43:52
that thing finally but it was just this
00:43:55
weird like I remember like I remember
00:43:57
calling and and home and her just being
00:44:00
like her being like I don't know what to
00:44:02
do I'm just like bored and like you know
00:44:04
your sister doesn't need me for school
00:44:06
today and I'm like well then I don't
00:44:07
know go for a walk go to the movies like
00:44:10
go do something and she's like no but I
00:44:11
I like can't it's like school time and
00:44:13
I'm like it's not it's not like you know
00:44:17
what I mean it's that schol time for you
00:44:19
exactly exactly and I think parents just
00:44:21
in general when their kids start to like
00:44:23
leave the house and become adults
00:44:26
parents just in general also have to
00:44:28
take that time to like reconnect with
00:44:30
each other because definitely yeah you
00:44:33
you've spent so many years as parents
00:44:35
where it's like it's been mostly about
00:44:36
your kid and yeah if you're not working
00:44:38
on your relationship in the midst of all
00:44:41
that well then is there even a
00:44:43
relationship there so and that's a whole
00:44:45
another deeper darker conversation to
00:44:47
have with people but um but yeah so okay
00:44:53
I wanted to bring this up let me know if
00:44:55
you're comfortable talking about this
00:44:56
but you and I grew up in kind of the
00:44:59
Christian homeschool bubble um which
00:45:02
kind of involved a lot of
00:45:04
like it was like I would say kind of the
00:45:06
tail end of Purity culture because that
00:45:09
was definitely more of a 90s thing
00:45:11
but and I know you were not big into
00:45:15
like the dances and it previously one
00:45:16
I've had people on when we talk about
00:45:18
the dances one of the big things was
00:45:20
like dress code specifically for girls
00:45:23
and that kind of thing but um I don't
00:45:26
know like do you have any thoughts on
00:45:28
that now like we're sitting I don't know
00:45:30
it's been over a decade at this point
00:45:32
out of kind of growing up in that
00:45:35
environment but
00:45:37
like I'm still unpacking to this day
00:45:40
some of the weird trauma and Hang-Ups I
00:45:43
have
00:45:44
around just like that stuff you know
00:45:49
yeah I I don't know if I have too much
00:45:52
trauma but I just there's just like a
00:45:55
lot of ignorance
00:45:57
for yeah that that whole that whole time
00:46:01
and um like obviously we've said
00:46:04
multiple times you know you learn
00:46:05
everything from the TVs and movies um
00:46:08
because it's not like I could really
00:46:09
talk to my friends about this kind of
00:46:11
stuff because they didn't know like none
00:46:13
of us knew none of us had boyfriends we
00:46:16
the the dating pool in homeschooling is
00:46:19
so so small and you have like you know
00:46:23
like there's like five guys that are
00:46:24
your age in your group and you're like
00:46:26
uh I don't know know about any of them
00:46:27
but there's one that's just slightly
00:46:28
cuter than all of them so at least we
00:46:30
could say we have a crush on someone you
00:46:32
know but um so it's not like we were
00:46:35
really dating or doing anything like
00:46:37
that I remember um but yeah so with with
00:46:40
movies you that's where I got like a lot
00:46:44
of my knowledge and things like that and
00:46:47
luckily because because my brother was
00:46:49
so much older and um because we didn't
00:46:53
we were I did uh grow up Christian but I
00:46:57
wasn't like restricted from too many
00:46:59
things and since my brother was older we
00:47:01
would watch kind of like oldish things
00:47:04
in our house like if he was maybe senior
00:47:06
in high school or a little bit older I
00:47:09
would watch things that were like more
00:47:11
seniors would watch sometimes because we
00:47:14
were just trying to find something we
00:47:15
could all watch as a family so I was
00:47:17
kind of exposed to a little bit more
00:47:19
than stay with my friends who would
00:47:20
watch things that I feel like a lot of
00:47:22
them would watch things that were under
00:47:24
their age range cuz we're not allowed to
00:47:26
watch that like a lot of people like
00:47:27
we're not allowed to watch Harry Potter
00:47:29
we're not allowed to watch you know any
00:47:30
things with like heavy make out things
00:47:32
in it but my parents they're like you
00:47:35
don't really care you're fine
00:47:36
everything's good there but um just the
00:47:39
thing is that I feel like any not just
00:47:42
homeschool but any Christian culture you
00:47:43
don't really talk about those things
00:47:46
like with your parents or um like like
00:47:50
sex education class isn't really a thing
00:47:53
that you talk about you know I remember
00:47:56
I talked slightly to my mom about it I
00:47:58
got a tiny bit of things that happen
00:48:01
with the women and I didn't know
00:48:04
anything about guys like
00:48:06
whatsoever and um I remember I was
00:48:09
asking her a little bit about guy things
00:48:11
and then she gave me a book and it had
00:48:13
pictures and like that was about it and
00:48:15
because we just didn't just we didn't
00:48:17
talk too much about that stuff it was
00:48:19
until I was a little bit older that we
00:48:21
slightly talked a little bit more but um
00:48:24
it thank God the internet exist Ed like
00:48:28
I just my looked up everything on the
00:48:30
internet probably lots of things I
00:48:32
should not have looked up but uh I'm I'm
00:48:34
now almost 30 so I can say this now but
00:48:36
I looked up lots of different things um
00:48:39
that's where mainly all of my sex
00:48:41
education came from is from that and uh
00:48:46
my cousin who uh shout out to key you
00:48:50
should be watching this key but my
00:48:52
cousin when I was 20 I think I was 21
00:48:55
when I moved out and my cousin just
00:48:57
graduated and she was 18 and she came
00:48:59
from Washington and we lived together
00:49:01
and she's 18 and she's teaching me
00:49:04
everything because she knows the world
00:49:06
and she's experienced with the world and
00:49:08
I just felt like such a little Noob not
00:49:10
knowing anything and I felt like I don't
00:49:13
know it was just so it just felt really
00:49:16
kind of degrading that a younger person
00:49:19
was I like I should be the older sister
00:49:21
and telling her things and then she's
00:49:23
the one that is explaining everything in
00:49:25
great detail to me you know cuz like I
00:49:27
just don't know anything like she made
00:49:29
me go on dating apps and stuff cuz I
00:49:30
didn't even know how to date I don't
00:49:32
know how to talk to boys other than like
00:49:34
friends cuz I don't know how to flirt
00:49:35
you know CU we only had like five kids
00:49:37
and we've known them for our whole lives
00:49:39
how do we flirt you know exactly yeah no
00:49:42
it's interesting because like my my dad
00:49:45
gave me like the birds and the Beast
00:49:46
talk and I feel
00:49:48
like I think he did an okay job um but
00:49:51
it's very like I don't know it's it was
00:49:54
kind of clinical and like well here's
00:49:56
how things happen it's like well yeah
00:49:57
that's biology like I've taken Biology
00:49:59
class I get it um you know and then they
00:50:02
do the really awkward like your body is
00:50:04
changing and like I'm like yeah and I
00:50:08
hate myself for it um but um but yeah
00:50:13
like a serious lack of sex ed because
00:50:16
within kind of
00:50:18
like the Purity culture thing was like
00:50:21
it's kind of an absence only teaching is
00:50:24
really what it is and then on top of it
00:50:26
is like in addition to abstinence only
00:50:28
it's also like it puts on this pedestal
00:50:32
like virginity is like this crazy
00:50:35
achievement right um oh my gosh which is
00:50:38
and like oh just like the amount of
00:50:40
conferences that like all all wom or not
00:50:43
all all girl conferences that I went if
00:50:45
we weren't women wear in high school and
00:50:47
stuff you know of
00:50:49
just like they would just say so much
00:50:52
how you know VI needs a gift and if you
00:50:55
give this gift away you're going to feel
00:50:56
feel devastated and you're going to feel
00:50:59
like you lost something you're going to
00:51:00
feel like a terrible like just really
00:51:02
pushing it in on us about just how awful
00:51:05
it is and um around this time like
00:51:08
around the age of like 15 16 uh a bunch
00:51:11
of my girlfriends were getting the
00:51:12
Purity Rings like that was like a big
00:51:14
thing and um my parents were asking me
00:51:19
if I wanted one and I was like I wasn't
00:51:21
really feeling like I wanted one but I
00:51:23
knew they kind of wanted me to have one
00:51:25
so I did get one but then eventually I
00:51:27
did tell him like like I think I wor
00:51:29
like for just a few days and then I said
00:51:31
I try to be a really honest person and I
00:51:33
don't want to lie to my parents because
00:51:35
you respect me and I respect you but I
00:51:38
don't want to wait and I don't want to
00:51:40
do this life like I I'm not gonna have
00:51:43
sex now like also who I'm not gonna sex
00:51:45
with you know there's like no one here
00:51:46
but like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna
00:51:48
date anyone I'm not gonna do these
00:51:49
things but I just I know myself as a
00:51:52
person that I'm not going to wait until
00:51:54
I'm married to do this but I will wait
00:51:57
until the time is right for me later on
00:51:59
and um and so then I I stopped when my
00:52:02
purity ring and then a lot of my friends
00:52:05
they had their Pur rings and they would
00:52:06
still wear them but I knew for a fact
00:52:08
that they were not pure they're just too
00:52:11
scared to like not wear them it's like I
00:52:13
know what you do I don't even know why
00:52:15
does that ring burn you is Satan burning
00:52:17
you right now because I know that you
00:52:19
know that's not
00:52:20
happening oh my gosh I'm envisioning
00:52:23
like you know vampires being scared of
00:52:25
crosses but I same deal I my parents I
00:52:27
don't like I don't feel like they never
00:52:30
pushed the purity ring thing on me I had
00:52:31
friends who had one I got made more of
00:52:34
like a girl thing or did your sister
00:52:36
anything or I don't cuz I don't really
00:52:39
know guys that had Pur R did I knew a
00:52:42
good number of guys who did oh really
00:52:45
and what's funny I don't feel like we
00:52:48
talked about it a lot but it was just
00:52:49
kind of one of those things where it's
00:52:50
like no you don't talk about it you
00:52:52
don't talk about it too much John got a
00:52:54
purity ring uh Ben got a purity ring
00:52:57
this guy got a FY ring and then I got
00:52:58
made fun of for not having one and I was
00:53:00
like one I don't wear jewelry and two me
00:53:03
wearing a ring I just felt like it was
00:53:06
weird I'm a 15-year-old wearing a ring
00:53:08
on my like wedding ring finger what or
00:53:10
the opposite hand or whatever and I also
00:53:13
I don't I'm married now but I don't wear
00:53:15
a wedding ring like and that has to do
00:53:17
more with just like when we got married
00:53:20
I worked a job that I couldn't really
00:53:21
wear a ring but I I'm so used to not
00:53:23
wearing a ring it's like it's a
00:53:25
commitment between me and that person
00:53:27
and that's we know that and that's it
00:53:29
but but the purity ring thing was so
00:53:31
weird cuz yeah I got made fun of for not
00:53:32
having one but to your point I knew so
00:53:35
many of these guys who were doing things
00:53:37
that were unpure we were watching porn
00:53:40
we were jerking off we were like being
00:53:42
disgusting little um I say disgusting
00:53:45
but like we were being normal boys we
00:53:47
were being normal boys and then being
00:53:49
told that that was like we should be
00:53:51
ashamed of ourselves kind of a thing
00:53:53
and and I think there was a lot more
00:53:57
there was this weird what I've realized
00:53:59
is I feel like there was this weird
00:54:00
pressure on girls to be like it's your
00:54:03
responsibility to keep boys pure and
00:54:05
then there was no responsibility there
00:54:07
nothing back to the
00:54:08
guys to be like you have to have this
00:54:12
kind of like guardan of your thoughts or
00:54:14
like understanding of like when is and
00:54:17
isn't um a like sexual experience you
00:54:21
know what I mean like like I can go to
00:54:23
the beach and hang out with people and
00:54:25
girls can be in bikinis and I can
00:54:26
recognize that that's not a sexual like
00:54:29
thing you know what I mean like we're
00:54:30
just hanging out of the beach um but
00:54:32
that was never taught that was something
00:54:34
that like came later in life where it
00:54:36
was like yeah this is It's we were also
00:54:39
taught to be like so ashamed of our
00:54:40
bodies that like every Church camp that
00:54:43
I went to um you obviously you couldn't
00:54:46
wear bikinis but you had to wear one
00:54:48
pieces or the tank kinis which is like
00:54:50
you know bikini top but like it almost
00:54:52
it's almost like a shirt that you would
00:54:54
wear and they prefer shorts you couldn't
00:54:57
wear like you couldn't wear bathing me
00:54:59
bottoms you always had a shorts on and
00:55:01
yet guys could do whatever they want to
00:55:03
like they didn't have to wear a shirt
00:55:05
like and their um bathing suit trunks
00:55:08
were always hanging so low that you
00:55:11
could like still see like things you
00:55:15
know or like sometimes it's like E I can
00:55:17
see your butt like pull a plumber's butt
00:55:19
like pull up your pants please but there
00:55:21
was never any talking to for them but
00:55:23
there was always talking to for the
00:55:24
girls and so like we aren't even giving
00:55:26
the guys a a chance to you know even be
00:55:30
kind of immune to it because if you hide
00:55:33
something for so long and then suddenly
00:55:35
if it's revealed like oh my gosh I have
00:55:37
to stare like I have to sexualize that
00:55:39
but if they just are already growing up
00:55:40
with it like you know maybe going to the
00:55:42
beach like a normal person and seeing
00:55:44
normal swimsuits and they don't think of
00:55:46
anything about it because it's just a
00:55:47
swimsuit but I don't know that's just my
00:55:49
thought on that right no that's an
00:55:53
interesting thing because like
00:55:56
I yeah there was so much shame and guilt
00:55:59
associated with it and uh so I work with
00:56:02
these ladies now who they primarily work
00:56:05
with college kids and do a lot with um
00:56:08
sexual traumas and things like that and
00:56:10
but one of the things that they've
00:56:11
talked a lot about is Purity culture and
00:56:14
guys um you know wrestling with they
00:56:18
don't learn any they don't learn consent
00:56:20
they don't learn anything like that and
00:56:21
then by the time they they get there
00:56:23
that's can sometimes be why go off the
00:56:26
deep end that's just in general
00:56:28
sometimes why people go off the deep end
00:56:29
and then they get really hooked into
00:56:30
like hookup culture and things like that
00:56:33
but one of the things one of these
00:56:35
ladies always says is that um she goes
00:56:38
uh she always says uh jerking off saves
00:56:40
lives and I'm like what the heck does
00:56:42
that mean because that makes sense
00:56:44
though because that was like such a like
00:56:47
no no no no no don't do that like that's
00:56:50
so bad like push any sexual feelings
00:56:52
down um kind of a thing and and I
00:56:55
realized I'm like no that's like such an
00:56:58
actually like a great thing
00:57:02
because when you're when you're an adult
00:57:05
obviously there's a little bit more
00:57:06
control of like understanding what how
00:57:08
our bodies are reacting to things but
00:57:10
yeah as a high schooler it's like you
00:57:12
the the other thing is
00:57:15
that guys and girls getting turned on
00:57:18
guys is an external there's an external
00:57:21
thing that happens that it's very
00:57:22
obvious when a guy is turned on yeah I
00:57:24
can't hide that with girls it's a a lot
00:57:26
easier for you guys to hide things and
00:57:28
um and so that's the other thing too is
00:57:32
that like we're told like you can't pop
00:57:34
a boner however like it's G to happen
00:57:37
with like the gust of wind it's like
00:57:39
nothing and yet you then have to be
00:57:42
ashamed of yourself and there's but
00:57:43
there's nothing you can do to like deal
00:57:45
with it so you just have to like write
00:57:46
it out it's like this is again it all
00:57:49
comes down to like we these are things
00:57:50
that need to be talked about more in the
00:57:53
Christian Community and in The
00:57:54
Homeschool Christian Community because
00:57:56
it's
00:57:58
like by the time I got married there
00:58:02
were so many things I didn't know and
00:58:04
yeah the internet was my best friend
00:58:05
because but the internet is also a very
00:58:08
vast place with so much information
00:58:10
that's both good bad um that like
00:58:13
sometimes you don't know whether what
00:58:14
you're reading is actually like worth it
00:58:17
or not you know or or good you know um
00:58:20
yeah like my husband's had to steer me
00:58:22
straight for lots of different things
00:58:25
where like I thought something was true
00:58:27
like even not even just talking about
00:58:28
like the uh sexual stuff that we were
00:58:31
talk about just anything in general
00:58:33
because like right with with that
00:58:35
outside knowledge of just anything
00:58:38
because you're kind of like in this
00:58:39
bubble for a lot of the things you just
00:58:41
kind of you learn what either your
00:58:44
parents or your friends parents because
00:58:46
a lot of our teachers who our friends
00:58:47
parents teach you so you want to learn
00:58:50
more about the world and so there's just
00:58:51
so much that like my husband or my even
00:58:53
my husband's friends which are now my
00:58:55
friends are like oh none of that is true
00:58:57
or like you do you only think this or
00:59:01
even like yeah again with the with the
00:59:04
uh movies I would think this is how it
00:59:06
is right like this is what life is like
00:59:08
or this is what high school is like or
00:59:09
like you guys did this right like none
00:59:11
of those things all that is true I've
00:59:12
never been to high school that does that
00:59:14
or any of those things so they just
00:59:16
really blew my world and it's just it's
00:59:19
so there's been so much learning that
00:59:21
has been happening in like the past few
00:59:24
years of just what what I think is true
00:59:27
and
00:59:28
what um versus like what I was just
00:59:30
taught or just exposed to you know and
00:59:34
being able to like think my my own
00:59:36
thoughts of things have been really
00:59:37
weird we obviously grew up in the bubble
00:59:41
we grew up in a bubble and it sounds
00:59:43
like your parents were maybe a little
00:59:44
bit more lenient than some homeschool
00:59:46
parents
00:59:48
but did you have this feeling I had this
00:59:50
feeling for the longest time that
00:59:52
everybody inside of this bubble we all
00:59:54
just kind of agreed on everything
00:59:56
we all like this is the way things were
00:59:59
um whether it came to sexuality whether
01:00:02
it came to just the way the world worked
01:00:04
like we all just kind of sat in this
01:00:06
place where I believed in my heart that
01:00:09
everybody was just in agreement and then
01:00:11
now to have more of these conversations
01:00:12
with people I'm like holy crap none of
01:00:15
us really agreed on anything we did but
01:00:18
we didn't but we would all do this lip
01:00:20
service to this like this is what is the
01:00:23
truth and it's like but behind the
01:00:25
scenes no none of us maybe believed that
01:00:27
I think some of some of us did but like
01:00:29
did you feel that way at all so yes and
01:00:32
no because yes I did feel like everyone
01:00:35
it's kind of like we're like Lemmings
01:00:37
where we're all doing like the same
01:00:38
thing we're all kind of thinking the
01:00:39
same thing uh for a lot of a lot of the
01:00:42
a lot of it um but I thought there were
01:00:45
something sometimes wrong with me like I
01:00:47
didn't always fit in because I would
01:00:49
always think a little bit differently
01:00:51
than some of the people that are there
01:00:54
or like how we were taught kind of so um
01:00:56
I remember when when Obama was running
01:00:59
for president and I was a part of like
01:01:01
it was some like government class that I
01:01:03
was a part of and uh the topic of like
01:01:07
gay marriage came up because Obama was
01:01:09
you know Pro gay marriage and I thought
01:01:12
that there was nothing wrong with it but
01:01:14
in my in my class there was a bunch of
01:01:16
Mormons also so it's not only Christians
01:01:18
but we're also now involved in Mormons
01:01:20
in there too and so I we had to write a
01:01:25
report like like a per persuasive essay
01:01:28
about who you should vote for and stuff
01:01:31
what was it like McCain and Obama right
01:01:33
and umle person was McCain and I was the
01:01:36
only one who did Obama and everyone was
01:01:38
looking at me where because I did Obama
01:01:40
because I was I agreed with the policies
01:01:42
but also was very supportive of the gay
01:01:45
marriage I had my friends like try to
01:01:48
talk to me talk me out of it and stuff
01:01:50
like that like like you could tell it
01:01:53
was everything that their parents have
01:01:54
told them like because it was almost
01:01:56
verbatim I'm like you don't use these
01:01:58
kinds of words like these words are you
01:02:01
know they're too they're too big for you
01:02:03
but um and same with and like so I just
01:02:05
felt like I just didn't fit in that way
01:02:07
where like it was like more a
01:02:08
progressive mind but then also I was in
01:02:11
a creative writing class and we had to
01:02:13
do a book report and I did mine on The
01:02:15
Hunger Games and this was before the
01:02:17
movies came out this was like you know
01:02:19
long time ago where the books were like
01:02:22
they were popular but not like obviously
01:02:24
as popular as when like the movies were
01:02:26
announced but uh right yes it was a
01:02:29
obviously Christian writing creative
01:02:30
writing thing and I was writing a book
01:02:33
about a children murdering children
01:02:34
murdering each other essentially like
01:02:37
for for sport and um since the books
01:02:39
were not popular at all the teacher had
01:02:41
to talk to my mom and be like so do you
01:02:44
know that she's reading about these
01:02:46
books like I read the book report this
01:02:48
seems awful and my mom's like yeah I
01:02:50
read them with her like they're they're
01:02:53
good and then they turn into movies and
01:02:55
know everyone is like super obsessed
01:02:57
with them including everyone in the H
01:02:58
School group they were like all obsessed
01:03:00
with it so there was times where I just
01:03:03
felt like everyone was having the same
01:03:05
mind and I like I didn't fully fit in
01:03:08
the home school world but I didn't fit
01:03:10
in the public school World either where
01:03:12
I just didn't sometimes I just didn't
01:03:14
know where I belonged because I wasn't I
01:03:16
wasn't as sheltered but then also I
01:03:18
wasn't as exposed so it was like a weird
01:03:21
weird balance where sometimes I had to
01:03:23
like you know the whole fake it till you
01:03:25
make it for both accounts type of thing
01:03:28
yeah I I remember there was I don't know
01:03:31
in California there was the there was
01:03:33
the law that was I I think it was it was
01:03:35
when uh gay marriage became legalized
01:03:37
was really when yeah a big part of that
01:03:40
conversation went happen and yeah it was
01:03:41
kind of around when Barack was becoming
01:03:44
president and stuff like that and I
01:03:46
remember having
01:03:48
taken yeah American government class or
01:03:50
whatever and in my eyes it was the role
01:03:53
of the American government to uphold the
01:03:55
law of land not the law of the Bible and
01:03:59
so I was kind of like well I don't see
01:04:00
anything wrong with them legalizing gay
01:04:03
marriage because well they're they're
01:04:05
doing what's best for all people not
01:04:08
just a select group of people yeah and I
01:04:11
remember also get getting weird backlash
01:04:13
for that and being like I like I don't
01:04:16
know it was it was weird it was
01:04:18
definitely but it it kind of puts you in
01:04:20
this weird
01:04:21
like you almost kind of just shut up
01:04:23
about it because you're like well
01:04:24
nobody's going to agree with me me and I
01:04:26
don't want the only friends that I have
01:04:28
so I don't want them to be M the only
01:04:29
friends I have it's a click I don't want
01:04:32
to be on the outskirts of it because
01:04:34
then I'm really screwed right it's like
01:04:36
then who am i g to talk to right yeah so
01:04:41
that's an
01:04:43
interesting thing and I it's hard
01:04:46
because obviously like you weren't
01:04:48
homeschooled for exclusively religious
01:04:51
reasons and neither was I but it ended
01:04:54
up playing like a big role in the
01:04:57
communities that we got involved in and
01:04:59
um yeah because most homeschooling
01:05:01
communities are religious based like all
01:05:04
the ones that because I was a part of a
01:05:06
few different one A few different of
01:05:08
them because I would live more in the LA
01:05:10
area and then I moved to Ventura where
01:05:13
you were and that's where um uh that's
01:05:16
where I had that group but still I was a
01:05:18
part of quite a few different H School
01:05:20
groups and they're all the same I mean
01:05:21
I'm sure there was other ones and since
01:05:24
uh I grew up religious like that was
01:05:26
obviously we're going to find a hom
01:05:28
School group that was that but I now
01:05:31
there's probably a lot of them but I
01:05:32
back then I really don't think there was
01:05:34
that many that were not at least any
01:05:36
sort of religion based so at least not
01:05:39
in the area we lived
01:05:41
in at least lived in because it was like
01:05:45
yeah it was Christian Catholic
01:05:48
and maybe a Mormon group but yeah it was
01:05:51
very yeah everybody was religious to
01:05:54
some degree you know and and it was
01:05:56
funny because I felt like we were part
01:05:58
of I I feel like achieve was arguably
01:06:01
kind of the
01:06:03
um the wokest of the groups because like
01:06:07
we did school dances and stuff which was
01:06:09
a no no and other grp Kasa didn't do
01:06:11
those yeah
01:06:14
exactly yeah and even families from Kaza
01:06:16
who did were kind of like looked down on
01:06:18
by other C I don't know there's all
01:06:20
these weird dynamics that go on inside
01:06:21
of the homeschool World um and it's
01:06:23
weird to look back now and be like whoa
01:06:26
this is so weird because back then it
01:06:27
just was kind of like I don't want to
01:06:29
say it was normal but we just were used
01:06:31
to seeing that kind of a thing play out
01:06:33
right and now it's like looking back on
01:06:35
it it's like whoa what what was going on
01:06:39
there you know well um I feel like I've
01:06:43
talked your ear off um but I appreciate
01:06:47
you so much I hear my my kid in the
01:06:50
house now I think he's awake he's
01:06:52
squealing making noise exactly I was
01:06:54
like I promised it to try to keep it 45
01:06:56
minutes to an hour and here we are at
01:06:57
about an hour and 10 and um but Emily I
01:07:00
wanted to say thank
01:07:02
you I I wanted to say thank you for
01:07:04
coming on and uh is there anything
01:07:07
that's come up while we've been talking
01:07:09
that has like sparked memory um you know
01:07:12
I don't want to cut you off if you if
01:07:14
you've got something else but um but
01:07:17
yeah thank you so much for coming on
01:07:18
appreciate it well yeah thank you thank
01:07:20
you for having this kind of platform
01:07:22
where we can um The Homeschool kids can
01:07:25
talk talk about these kinds of things
01:07:27
and uh it's just been so interesting
01:07:29
with the podcast that I have watched so
01:07:31
far how all of us have like kind of a
01:07:34
different story or like they maybe they
01:07:37
start off the same like some of them
01:07:38
start off the same but we we we're all
01:07:41
living like the same um well so far
01:07:44
because a lot of the people that you've
01:07:45
had on here are like friends or in the
01:07:48
same world together back then uh it's
01:07:51
been like I had ideas of them of all
01:07:54
having like this same life or same world
01:07:56
but it's been so cool to see that even
01:07:58
though we all like generally we're in
01:08:01
the same homeschool world we all have
01:08:02
such different stories and it's just
01:08:04
such different feelings that happen for
01:08:06
uh the same scenarios but we all came
01:08:09
out of it different or have different
01:08:10
perspectives so it's thank you for
01:08:11
having this place to share it's very fun
01:08:15
well good I'm glad I'm glad no it's been
01:08:17
cool because people like yourself who
01:08:19
reach out and say I I got something I
01:08:21
want to share that's what really makes
01:08:23
this show be awesome I started it
01:08:26
thinking that I was going to struggle to
01:08:27
get 15 people which was my ultimate goal
01:08:30
to come on the show and uh at the point
01:08:32
of recording this I'm pretty sure we
01:08:35
have broken through that um and so yeah
01:08:39
which has been awesome so having
01:08:41
conversations like this is is great and
01:08:43
especially reconnecting with people who
01:08:44
maybe we weren't the best of friends
01:08:46
back then but we' become the closest but
01:08:49
obviously as long as we have that one
01:08:51
connection um we've we've already made
01:08:54
like a bunch of uh what's it called just
01:08:56
like I guess yeah more connections right
01:08:58
now because we have one solid one
01:09:00
there's just more things that we can
01:09:02
talk about absolutely so without further
01:09:05
Ado if you've got a story you want to
01:09:07
share or whether it's with an audience
01:09:10
or whether it's just with me hit me up
01:09:12
you can reach me on Instagram that's
01:09:14
exhs Club um or you can email me at
01:09:19
exhs [email protected] tell me what you got
01:09:22
going on I'd love to connect um I love
01:09:24
hearing from all you guys and you know
01:09:26
do all of the normal podcasty things
01:09:28
listen to the whole episode rate review
01:09:30
subscribe send it to a friend um because
01:09:33
you know that's what we're here for
01:09:34
we're here for reconnecting and catching
01:09:36
up with old friends so until next time
01:09:39
we'll see you
01:09:46
[Music]
01:09:52
[Music]
01:09:55
oh
01:09:59
[Music]
