00:00:05
What is good, my ex-homies? It's your boy Jacob Gooden, and we're
back for the Ex-Homeschoolers Club.
00:00:09
I'm so stoked today. I'm talking with, uh, Liliana, and,
uh, she's a new homeschool friend.
00:00:16
And, uh, we got connected via
social media, I think, right? Yeah, yeah. I saw, um, I saw your
video with Unreligiously
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Oh, okay. That's right. That's right. Yeah, and you reached out and you were
like, "I've got a story I wanna share,"
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and, uh, those are always the best. So, um, you know, this is encouragement
for anybody who is thinking about, "Hey,
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maybe I should reach out, maybe not," uh,
do it because it can, it can lead to this.
00:00:41
It can lead to, uh, an
interview on the show. And so, uh, Liliana, thank
you for coming on the show.
00:00:47
I'm very pumped Hello. I'm very pumped to share your homeschool
experience with, uh, with the audience.
00:00:53
So L- why don't you just take
us through it a little bit? Tell, tell us a little bit about your
homeschool experience, kinda maybe where
00:00:59
you grew up, siblings, the environment,
curriculum, that kind of a thing. Walk us through your
experience a little bit.
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um, sure. I was, I was the second of four kids that
were all homeschooled through high school.
00:01:12
Um, I grew up in South Florida. Um, faith was very much intermingled
with my homeschool experience.
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My parents were like Bible study
leaders for most of my childhood. Um, so, uh, a lot of my stuff was
done at, at home, but I did also
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have homeschool groups or classes,
especially when I got to high school. I did do the little
bit of dual enrollment.
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Um, very sheltered. Um, my parents are very introverted,
and I'm not, so I did not get nearly the
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social life I wanted, but I did interact
with a variety of people growing up. So, um, yeah, that's
kinda how it was for me
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And, and roughly, I don't wanna d- I
don't wanna dox ages, but like around what timeframe are we talking, like homeschool?
00:01:52
Are you a product of the
'80s, the '90s, the 2010s? I'm a '90s baby, um, so most of my
recollection is from the early 2000s.
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I graduated in 2012 Okay, very close. Yeah. My, I was in 2014, so we're
not very far off there.
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Yay. So, so yeah, so we kinda grew up in the
same era of homeschooling, where I feel
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like, uh, uh, for me it's, it's funny
because I have friends and I've had people
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come on the show who talk about, like,
the fear of, like, you know, the truancy officer's gonna come knocking on the
door and drag you away kind of a thing.
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But I feel like by, like, the
2000s and the 2010s it was a little more normalized where maybe
there wasn't totally that fear.
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Did you experience that at all? Or, like, or, or were you like, "This
is semi-normal what we're doing here"?
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Um, so I do remember as probably
elementary age, um, we would go to the grocery store in the middle of the day
on a weekday, and my mom would always be
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like, "Well, if someone asks, just tell
them it's a teacher's work day," because
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it's always a teacher's work day for me. So there was a little bit of that
when I was younger, but by the time
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I was in middle or high school, I
think, um, South Florida in particular was very pro-homeschooling, so I,
I didn't feel that weird about it.
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I mean, I was aware most of the
kids around me were public school, but I was just like, "Oh, I'm so
unique and special 'cause I'm not in
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public school like these people," so Yeah. That's, that's kinda how I felt too. I remember especially when I
got my driver's license, then
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my mom started sending me to
do the grocery shopping, right? And so I would be at the store… You
know, I, I, I was a, I was a kid who
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loved doing school later in the afternoon
and in the evening and stuff like that.
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And so then I really got the day
free, which is great in theory, but in practice it's a little bit rougher
because, you know, as a 16-year-old
00:03:37
just at the grocery store, um, you
know, you start to get those weird looks from people that are like, "What
is a 16-year-old doing here? Shouldn't
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he be in school?" Um, kind of a thing. But, uh, but yeah. And, and I would always just tell people,
I'm like, "I'm, I'm homeschooled," or,
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"I go to private school," or same deal,
I'd just be like, "It's a teachers' day," or, you know, whatever it was.
00:03:57
Um, so let- let's talk a little bit
about, like, a school day for you and, like, what that looked like.
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You know, some homeschool
parents, super rigorous. There's a, there's a formula,
there's a pattern to everything.
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You have, like, very strict schedules. But, like, other people,
it's very loosey-goosey.
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So, like, what… Did you fall
into either of those categories? Were you somewhere in the middle with it?
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Like, what did a, what did a
typical day of schoolwork look like? Um, definitely when I was earlier
childhood, like my parents were overall
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pretty strict and anal about things. So I do remember my mom had a typed
up schedule on the side of the fridge,
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like you do this subject at this
time, this subject at that time. I think there was a break for
lunch and then, you know, a recess
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of sorts to go play outside. You know, didn't have a smartphone until I
was 17, so I could actually play outside.
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Um, and I think as I got more into like
middle and high school, like I said, I was part of these like homeschool
groups and classes, so I would go
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to class once a week for the whole
day, get my homework for the entire week, and then throughout the week
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I'm sure my mom had some kind of schedule,
but it was just more or less like, "Okay,
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work on your homework." You know, she
would check it and everything like that. I don't remember as strict of a schedule
by the time I got to high school.
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She was probably like sick of it after
getting my older sister all the way through school before me, you know?
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Yeah. I feel like too, as we got older,
not every kid is this way, but like, especially if you've been homeschooled for
the majority of your time, you kind of,
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you pick up the routine after a period. And then by the time you're in those high
school years, it's like you kinda know.
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Like, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna
eat breakfast, then I'm gonna do math, then I'm gonna do science,
then I'm gonna do read this, then
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I'm gonna, you know, X, Y, Z, right? Like, you kinda know the, the pattern. And maybe that's not everybody, but
like, I feel like so many of us kind of
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got to a point where mom and dad could
maybe be a little bit more hands-off with like a, just a checking in on
like, "Hey, did you get everything
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done this week?" type of thing. The- let's talk about these homeschool
co-ops that you were a part of,
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because I think it's something
that like, everybody's is a little different, but I think there is
some similarities between them.
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I, I've talked a lot on the show about
being part of Group Solutions, which was a co-op that met every two weeks.
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It was really structured. Oh, okay we had three class periods and a, and
a lunchtime in there, and it was an
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opportunity l- very much like you were
talking about, where like we took, um… Like, it could be a science class and a
English class, and maybe some kind of fun
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activities class or something like that. And then we got a recess, a lunchtime
period where we got to hang out
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with all the kids, other kids. But it was like structured a little bit
more like a, like a traditional school.
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And so, like classes had age ranges on
them and, and, you know, we would sit in a, in a lecture hall with maybe 20
other kids, um, and, and do, do stuff.
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But, but I know that not all co-ops
work that way, 'cause I also was part of co-ops that were like three or four
families, and we would just like go hang
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out at somebody's house kind of a deal. Um, and so what did
co-ops like look for you?
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You were saying it was like a once a
week kind of a thing, and it really, it seemed like it was something
that had significant like, um, this
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is where I was getting my homework
for the next week kind of a thing. But what did a, like a typical co-op
day look for you, look like for you?
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Well, I was part of two different co-ops. So the one that I was in when I
was younger, about, I don't know,
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middle school age, um, it met
at a Baptist church once a week. Um, and different homeschool parents
would teach different classes.
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So you would kind of go to different
rooms inside this Baptist church and learn different things.
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I had my little friends
that would do stuff with me. They made us do Presidential
Physical Fitness.
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I hated it so much. I pretended I was getting chased by
the Nazgul to get my, my scores up.
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And, um, what ended up happening was I
looked back and saw my older sister and I screamed and ran across the finish
line in front of the homeschool parents
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who were probably like, "Is she okay?" Like, 'cause in my mind, she was
the Nazgul to get me to go faster.
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Um, but I moved. So, uh, yeah, so that was… It
was definitely more informal, and
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it had a lot of different teachers
for different subjects or whatever. And then when I was in high
school, I joined this program
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called Classical Conversations. So they met once a week at a
different church, and one homeschool
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mom would teach, like, all the
classes for certain age ranges. So I was kind of like part of the guinea
pig class 'cause they had just started.
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And, um, so she would teach us,
like, a few different classes. We'd have a lunch break.
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Um, and then we'd come in and do,
like, a few more classes once a week, and then she would give us,
like, projects and homework to do at
00:08:31
work- do at home the rest of the week Okay, yeah. Classical Conversations is something,
I didn't do it personally, uh, my c-
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my cousins did, and then I've had…
There's been a number of people on the show who've, who've gone through it.
00:08:43
But yeah, Oh, really? Okay. Oh, yeah it is a lot more like you're saying. Like, it's, it's a structured, there
is like a curriculum to it, and like,
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um, you know, I, I know people talk
about, like, every year or every couple of years it kind of changes the…
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There's always, like, a
main focus of everything. Um, and then it, you know, a- and, but
yeah, you go in and there's, yeah, there's
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like homework and a class setting and,
you know, all those types of things. And so, um, I think a lot of
people will relate to you.
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I, I still, it's funny because
people always are like, "Yeah, you know, Classical Conversations."
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I'm like, "I don't know what a day
inside of Classical Conversations looks like," but, uh, but, uh, but
I definitely know the, the term now.
00:09:24
So, um, so, uh, yeah. Um, I was gonna ask you too, 'cause
you were, you, you said you were
00:09:31
one of four kids, and so did, did
all of you guys do homeschool all the way through or, um, or was there
some transition periods in there?
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What did that look like? I mean, my older sister's five
years older than me, so I'm not
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100% sure what happened before I
arrived on scene and stopped her from being a spoiled single child.
00:09:49
But, um, as far as I know, she was
homeschooled the whole way through. I definitely was.
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My younger sister was. My youngest brother, my understanding is
that he not only graduated high school
00:10:00
homeschooled, but he was also dual
enrolling the whole time, so I think he graduated with, like, an associate's
degree, so he's obviously smarter than me.
00:10:07
Um, I did some dual
enrollment, but not that much. So yeah, as far as I'm aware,
we all got homeschooled through
00:10:13
high school, and then, um, they
all went to college after that Well, let's talk about, like, I
guess that transition period into
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adulthood, college, launching, right? And getting into the real world. Like, what did that look like for you?
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Because I think that, you know, a lot
of… There, there used to be a very strong stigma of, like, homeschool
kids couldn't get into college.
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I feel like the messaging when I was
being homeschooled was, like, co- homeschool kids are actually better in
college because, like, we're smarter.
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We're like, you know, we're, we're
God's gift to the Earth, basically. Um, Yeah.
00:10:49
so what college doesn't want you? Like, if you wanna go to Harvard,
you definitely can go to Harvard.
00:10:53
Uh, not the case. I was a very average student, um,
but, but, uh, you know, but, but
00:11:01
a lot of my friends, we did end up
going to college, and that was, like, you know, our launch stop period.
00:11:04
But I also had a lot of friends who
they were just, like, not really ready for college, and so stuck around,
got jobs, that kind of a thing.
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Um, and then I have friends that now I'm
learning they, they're, they also just weren't encouraged to go to college.
00:11:16
So talk about for you, like,
launching into the real world and, like, you were saying, like, your
brother did adult dual enrollment.
00:11:22
You did a little bit of dual enrollment. But, like, what did college and,
like, just getting out and being
00:11:28
an adult look like for you? Um, so I was very heavily
sheltered even through high school.
00:11:33
Um, so I would say my introduction to the
real world began when I was 17, and I took
00:11:38
a, just, like, a couple classes at a local
community college, and it's like, "What?
00:11:42
You party every weekend? What? You're not a Christian? Whoa." It, like, freaked me out
inside, but I, I still tried to,
00:11:50
like, make friends and stuff like
that, but it was definitely a huge culture shock for me starting at 17.
00:11:55
Um, I felt like all of my siblings were
encouraged in one specific area that they
00:12:01
should study in college by my parents, but
I feel like my role in the family, they
00:12:06
just kinda looked down on me and acted
like I wasn't as smart as my siblings. So I definitely did not feel encouraged
to get to college, and of course,
00:12:14
as a high school senior, you're
just like, "I'm sick of school. I don't wanna go do more school." So, um,
I just didn't end up going to college.
00:12:23
They didn't really s- make me feel
like I was smart enough to pursue any particular area, and even now as an
adult, I'm just like, if I had to pick
00:12:31
a major, I don't know what I would pick. So, like, I know it, at this point, it's
definitely part- at least partially my
00:12:37
responsibility, but I kind of feel like
they failed me a little bit 'cause they didn't, like, push that a little harder.
00:12:42
Like, "Hey, you are smart enough. Go learn
something, you know, while you still can,"
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'cause now it's much harder as an adult
to try to get classes and stuff like that.
00:12:50
that, that's a, a good point you make
of, like, that, that feeling of, like, whether it's, like, not necessary or,
like, not smart enough to go do it.
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It's like, that's, like… I mean, that's, that's
dumb to some extent because, like,
00:13:04
yeah, anybody… You can learn
anything if you really want to. You know what I mean?
00:13:07
And, uh, and especially, like we were
talking about earlier with, like, kind of being able to eventually take on
more of those roles of, like, being
00:13:15
your own educator to some degree. Like, I think it be- it
benefits… I don't know.
00:13:20
For, for my college experience, it
benefited me a lot because I knew how to structure a little bit of,
like, my, "This is how I study.
00:13:27
This is, I need to understand this in
this way." Like, I, I knew how to get to mastering something, I guess you could
say, and so that played well in college.
00:13:37
Um, but I also understand the point
that sometimes people make of, like… It, you know, college is not for
everybody, and so, like, that is, that
00:13:46
is also, you know, a valid argument
that some people go is, like, "Eh, is this student really into it?"
00:13:50
Like you were saying, in high school, like, the last thing I wanted to
do was four more years of school.
00:13:54
Like, I was, I was done as well. Yeah. So, so instead of college, you kinda
just entered into the real world then.
00:14:02
So was it, were you looking jobs, career? Were you just like, "I just
need to get out of this house"?
00:14:08
Like, what, what became the thing
instead of college at that point? Um, I also wanted to say earlier,
I was not aware of any, like,
00:14:15
homeschool bias towards or against
college as the homeschoolers. I just was like, "Well, yeah, we're
going- most people are going to
00:14:21
college, duh. Like, it doesn't matter
if they're homeschooled or not." So, just wanted to throw that in there.
00:14:26
Um, yeah, for me, it was like
my main goal in life was just to leave my parents' house.
00:14:32
I hated how they treated
me since I was very young. I didn't want people bossing me around,
so my main goal in life was just, "I wanna
00:14:39
get out of here." And I realized as an
adult I needed a job to get out of here. So my first goal was childcare
'cause I grew up, like, volunteering
00:14:47
and working a lot with kids. Um, you know, obviously it's a
very accessible thing as a young
00:14:52
Christian woman to get into. And then after a while, I was like, "I
can't do this anymore." Um, so I just
00:14:59
kinda was like, "I'm just gonna find
whatever I can get and work as much as I can and just get out," 'cause that's
all I really wanted to do at that point.
00:15:06
And then my parents ended
up kicking me out at 21. So I was terrified, but at the same time I
was like, "Thank God, I don't have to deal
00:15:13
with you anymore in my house." So yeah,
it was just kinda like, I still don't know, like, what a career I would want,
and it just feels really overwhelming.
00:15:23
I don't feel like I was really
prepared for that in the real world. Um, and it just feels like everybody
else has, like, this amazing,
00:15:31
fulfilling career, and I just
couldn't figure it out, I guess. So that's another thing that makes me
feel like I'm not very smart, 'cause I'm
00:15:38
just like, "Why is everyone else figuring
this out? I don't know. I just have a job 'cause I need a job to make money."
00:15:42
Yeah. Which, I mean, that's, to,
to be honest, like, that, you know, career's not everything.
00:15:48
I think a lot of people talk about,
like, yeah, having that dream career, having that, you know, like, "I
love my job," and like, yeah, but
00:15:56
also, like, life is more than work. You know what I mean? Like, life, there, there's so many other
things that make life very valuable, and I
00:16:03
think that's a culture thing, I think, in
general, where we, we, we get taught a lot
00:16:09
of times the like, "You should love what
you do," and like, there's some truth. You should be able to tolerate what
you do, for sure, and, you know,
00:16:15
not work in an abusive environment
or, you know, things like that. But I think there is this misconception
that it's like you have to absolutely love
00:16:22
everything that you do, and, you know,
it's like sometimes a job is just a job. Sometimes a job is just to
pay the bills, you know?
00:16:29
And, um, I'm curious around, like,
the messaging for you, too, of like, you know, I know growing up in the
church, a lot of times there is this,
00:16:42
there is the very standard like the
man is the head and he's supposed to be the provider and all these types of
things, and it's a, it's a woman's job.
00:16:49
She's gonna be a mom, and she's gonna
take care of the kids and take care of a house, and those kinds of things.
00:16:53
And so was that… Y- you know, you
talked about wanting to get into childcare and, and right off the rip and then
being like, "This is not for me." Um,
00:17:01
Yes so was that also, like, in the
back of your mind of like, "Well, my real goal in life is just to,
like, get married and have kids"?
00:17:09
Um, I mean, I definitely felt
the societal pressure, for sure. I definitely grew up in circles where a
lot of the women were married young and
00:17:16
had a bunch of kids, and it definitely
was like, "Oh, this is the ideal as a Christian woman that you should
strive for." But even when I was,
00:17:22
like, a kid, I just wasn't like that. I, it took me a long time to not think
boys were stupid and weird, you know?
00:17:29
It took me a while to be like,
"Oh, actually, okay, there's this guy named Peter Parker. He's
actually kind of cute," you know?
00:17:35
And then I was like, "Okay, I like
the idea of getting married now, but I still don't want kids." Um, I
definitely felt out of place at youth
00:17:43
group because I was surrounded by all
these, like, super shitty girls that were like, "Oh yeah, I'm just the perfect
submissive Christian young woman."
00:17:51
And I just felt like I was always, like,
too loud and opinionated, you know? Or like you hear about the archetype,
like, you know, the Virgin Mary,
00:17:58
and you're just like, "Oh, she's
so quiet and submissive and nice." And I'm just like, "Oh, I guess I'm
a terrible Christian then 'cause I
00:18:04
don't think that's ever gonna be me." And then I ha- heard about the apostles
being called the Sons of Thunder, and
00:18:09
I was like, "That's more my style. That's me. Yeah. Okay, I feel better now." So like,
yeah, I definitely felt like,
00:18:16
"Oh, I actually have opinions. Oh, I don't like the idea of some
guy bossing me around forever.
00:18:20
Maybe I'm a bad Christian." Like, that's what I felt
like growing up, for sure. That's, that's so interesting because
I feel like, you know, everybody
00:18:28
is, like, their own person, right? And I think that's like, that's
what makes people beautiful, right?
00:18:33
Is the fact that, like, we are, we
have our own unique characteristics. You know, we're allowed… You, you
mentioned earlier you were, you were
00:18:39
an extrovert somewhat stuck in a
house with a bunch of introverts. Oh, yes. know, I, I, I'm what's called an
ambivert, so like, I'm 50/50, but
00:18:48
Okay. extroverted side is like, I could go
somewhere and not engage with anybody.
00:18:54
Like, just be… Like, I could go sit
in a coffee shop is a great example. I could go sit in a coffee shop and
get all the energy I need off of people
00:19:01
from the extroverted side, and then
I'll go lock myself away at home for, you know, three days or whatever,
um, and be introverted, you know?
00:19:08
And so that's like
that's my type of thing. But I grew up in a house with a mix of
the introvert-extrovert type of thing.
00:19:16
And so my, my sister is a huge extrovert
and she needs people and, like, she would, she would beg, especially
when I got my license, 'cause my
00:19:24
mom and I are more introverted. She would beg. She would be like, "Jacob, can you please,
like, drive me to this person's house?
00:19:30
Drive me to this thing? Like, let's just go to the
mall," kind of a thing. And so, um, so I'm cur- I'm curious,
like, with the, with the extroverted
00:19:38
thing because, you know, one of the
things homeschoolers, you know, we get a bad rap for, like, the socialization
aspect, which, like, you know.
00:19:45
But extroverts are
naturally just out there. They just naturally, whether
it's you insert yourself into the
00:19:51
conversation a- or whatever it is,
like, you… A lot of times extroverts know how to, like, get in there.
00:19:57
And so, you know, as you were leaving
home, I'm sure that extroverted side of you is maybe hopefully able
to, like, thrive a little bit and,
00:20:06
like, you know, "Okay, now I'm out. I can go, like, talk to people."
And, and we were talking
00:20:11
about the culture shock thing. And so I'm interested how maybe those
two things worked together of, like,
00:20:17
"I'm an extrovert, so now I'm putting
myself out there a little bit more," uh, but also that culture shock is, like,
coming in where you're like, "Okay,
00:20:24
now, like, I'm hearing swear words or
I'm learning, like, there's people who believe other things dif- from me."
00:20:29
And so, like, let's talk a little
bit about, like, that and just kind of, like, again, we're g-
getting into the real world now.
00:20:35
So, like, how is it, you know, how
is your extrovert coming out finally? And also, like, how is that playing into,
like, the culture shock of just being an
00:20:44
adult outside of the homeschool bubble? I mean, I definitely know what you mean.
00:20:48
Um, volunteering as a high schooler,
I would talk to parents and then I would just casually drop that I'm a
homeschooler, and they're like, "What?
00:20:54
You don't seem like a homeschooler."
And I took that as a badge of honor. Like, "Yeah, I'm not like
the other homeschoolers.
00:20:59
I'm so much better." But, uh, I was
definitely scandalized and freaked out by everything, especially at 17, 18.
00:21:08
But then I started, like, feeling
empathy for these people and it's like, well, I don't wanna just endlessly
judge everyone like my parents did.
00:21:15
You know, like, it was just,
it was instilled in me. But af- after a while, I started
taking the stick out of my butt and
00:21:20
I was like, "You know what? These are
real people. Like, I care about these people, even if they're doing stuff
I don't agree with." So I started
00:21:27
just… And a part of it was necessity
'cause I just needed friends, you know? Like, growing up in the church, it was
always like, "Oh, your close friends
00:21:33
must be Christians," and then any other
friends you have, it's okay if they're not Christian, but they have to be,
like, on the outer circle or whatever.
00:21:40
But that never happened for me. The Christian mentors that I was
supposed to have just never were there
00:21:45
for me and didn't make an effort, so
I was like, "Well, I need somebody to be my friend." So I just started
meeting people at my different jobs or
00:21:52
whatever, or through boyfriends I had,
and I was just like, "You know what? This isn't so bad." Like, like, right now,
my best friends in the whole world are a
00:22:01
gay man, a bi woman, and a pothead, and
younger me would've been like, "Whoa." But
00:22:09
Yeah it's just how it happened. It's just like I have my nerdy interests
and that attracted a variety of
00:22:15
people, and I was learning new things,
and I was just like, "You know what? This is really cool.
00:22:19
I like having different perspectives in
my life." So I think the more I was out on my own, the less I was freaked out
by everything, and I was like, "Okay,
00:22:27
I'm, I'm finding that people like me. Like, I can find friends, and
it's okay if we don't agree on
00:22:32
every little thing," you know? Yeah. I think for me it was so interesting
because, like, I, the co- I went to
00:22:39
a Christian college, and so there,
there is kind of that built-in belief of, like, "Oh, well everyone here,
we, we're still in agreeance," right?
00:22:47
It felt like, um, like, kind of
like youth group extended into early adulthood to some degree.
00:22:54
And then when I got out of college,
um, I got, you know, I got a real job. And, uh, and by a real job I worked at a
coffee shop and I managed a coffee shop.
00:23:03
But one of the things that was really
cool about that job was the fact that, like, I, I had decided, "Okay, I wanna
go back to church, I wanna like, you
00:23:13
know, I wanna give it another try," and
that job was like, "Guess what, Jacob? You're gonna work the Sunday shift."
So, like, church was just out of the
00:23:19
question. And I was like, "Okay, whatever. Not a big deal." But the people I worked
with on Sundays, we decided that, like, we
00:23:27
were gonna, like, just start hanging out. So we, I, we'd get off work. The great thing about coffee
shop jobs is you get off at,
00:23:32
like, 3:00 in the afternoon. So we would get off work and we'd
go get lunch, or we worked in this
00:23:37
cute little downtown area, we'd
go get a beer, you know, we'd hang out. And we were all very different
people, like you were saying.
00:23:43
Like, you know, we believed very different
things, we came from very different backgrounds, and so, but we were friends,
and we got to, like, know each other
00:23:50
and respect each other and ask each
other all of the dumb questions about, like, "Well why is it you believe this?"
00:23:55
Or, "Why do you vote like that?" Or,
"Why do you," you know, "How was this experience growing up?" And so, like,
I think that part of, like… That,
00:24:03
that to me was, like, the bubble burst
of, like, coming out of the homeschool environment, where it was like,
00:24:08
now I have, I have worldly friends and
that are not on, like, like you were talking about the rings of, like, I
have my very close friends who are these
00:24:17
things, and then I have the outer friends. Like, these people were starting to creep
more into that inner circle, and I was
00:24:22
like, "They're people." And like, I love
'em and I, you know, I love hanging out
00:24:26
with 'em and, like, doing stuff with 'em. And they, they can expose you to more
that you're like, "Oh, okay," like, "I
00:24:33
vibe with this." Went to my first yoga class with them, you
know, stuff like that.
00:24:37
Like, it was just, it was kind
of that, like, "Okay, cool, yeah, maybe I will watch Harry
Potter," 'cause I wasn't allowed
00:24:42
You right. It's the people at home
who are exact same. so along that vein, like, what were the
things that, you know, as you were getting
00:24:50
that exposure and making those friends,
like, that came to you and were like, "Okay, hey," like, "maybe I will give
this thing a try," or, "Maybe I will,
00:24:58
like, let the guard down a little bit
of, like, I was protected as a kid, and, like, now I'm just gonna, like, I'm gonna,
you know, I'm gonna sample this little
00:25:05
thing," or, "I'm gonna check this out." You talked about having all the nerdy
interests, those kind of things.
00:25:09
Sometimes those things are denied as kids,
but, like, what were, what were your, what
00:25:13
were things that you were picking up and
you were like, "Okay," like, was it just
00:25:16
like, "Hey, I'm gonna watch Harry Potter
now," or what were, like, those things that you were like, "I wasn't allowed to
do this as a kid, so I'm gonna do it now"?
00:25:22
Um, yeah, there was a variety of things. I don't remember what happened first
or anything, but like just realizing
00:25:29
that partying every weekend is not
the worst thing somebody can be doing with their life, and that
they'll probably like stop doing it
00:25:35
eventually 'cause it's exhausting. Or like, oh, I can, I can drink alcohol
on a semi-regular basis and that
00:25:41
doesn't make me a horrible person. Or like, you know what? Weed is not that bad of a thing either.
00:25:46
Or, um, yeah, let me, let me get
into Harry Potter after being told it was witchcraft for 20
years, and stuff like that.
00:25:54
Um, or, hey, maybe I don't have to just
blindly forgive my parents for everything
00:25:59
and like have to be in contact with them
just 'cause, oh, they're family, you know?
00:26:04
It was just like slowly over time, like
it's nice having somebody kind of gently
00:26:08
challenge what you've always thought and
you don't think twice about it, you know?
00:26:12
Or even now I'm starting to follow
Facebook pages about that perhaps the whole very patriarchal system of the
church is not necessarily biblical,
00:26:22
and they're highlighting a lot of
female leaders in the Bible and stuff. So that's still challenging my thinking
now, and it's like I always thought,
00:26:30
oh, women are supposed to submit. Oh, women are supposed to shut up. And now I'm like, maybe not though.
00:26:35
So again, love that thought,
train of thought for sure. like cool because, and it, it al- it goes
to a couple different things that we've
00:26:42
talked about too, of like, you know,
it, it's never too late to learn stuff. It's never too late to like, you know,
encourage new thought or changing
00:26:50
your mind or anything like that. And so like, I think that that's
something that was not always afforded
00:26:57
to a lot of us, of that idea of like,
it's okay to challenge the thing. It's okay to look at it from the
opposite perspective sometimes, you know?
00:27:04
Like, I, I did a couple years of like
speech and debate kind of stuff, and that, I'm thankful that like I had
a few of those moments where it was
00:27:12
like I would pick the argument that
was like not the correct argument. And even though I didn't believe
it, I'm like, but if you understand
00:27:20
how that argument gets made, then you can like, you can
combat it a little bit more.
00:27:26
This is the apologetics in me. This is the like defending
my faith side of things.
00:27:30
But like, but you can take
that into anything, right? It's like understanding, you
know, you know, we- you brought
00:27:38
up, you brought up weed. Like, I grew up in California. When weed became legal, that was like
a big deal, but I also grew up like
00:27:43
next to a pothead and stuff like that. Grew up always believing it was
wrong, all those types of things.
00:27:48
When I got to a point in my life where
I was like, "Is it really wrong? What is it? How do I, like, how do I understand
this better?" Like, you, it just shifts
00:27:56
your worldview a little bit, right? And it doesn't have to be like… I still,
I'm not a big drugs person in general.
00:28:02
Um, to each their own. But, but I definitely was like,
I don't really care, you know?
00:28:07
Where I used to be such a hard like,
"That's such a bad thing," like, you c- you should never do that kind of a thing.
00:28:13
And so, you know, like you were
saying about, I think that, that, that ability to shift your thinking
or even just ask the question is
00:28:19
like so freeing and so educational, Yeah, I really feel like we as a country
have lost that, and it's so sad 'cause,
00:28:26
like, I find so much joy in learning
other people's perspectives on things. It really helps when you're just
entrenched in one way of thinking.
00:28:33
And it's so sad that I feel like
a lot of people in the homeschool community don't even try to
think outside of their little box
00:28:40
Yeah. I wanna pivot just a little bit,
and I wanna, I wanna talk about, you know, you mentioned your homeschool
experience was, like, maybe not
00:28:52
the worst thing in the world, maybe
not the best thing in the world. I'm curious where you stand today
on, like, homeschooling as a thing.
00:29:00
So, like, let's just hypothetically
say you have a friend who has kids. They're coming to you and they,
they, they're like, "We're thinking
00:29:07
about homeschooling." You know, and
you w- you did it, you lived it. Like, what are you, what
are you telling them?
00:29:13
Are you for it? Against it? How would you encourage them to
explore the homeschool world?
00:29:20
I feel like it's good for very specific
situations or very specific people. Um, it is kind of concerning how just
anyone can do it and you don't have
00:29:29
to have any kind of qualifications,
so that, that is a little concerning as I think about it as an adult.
00:29:35
Um, I also feel like, um, it's a,
it's like an all-access pass to very controlling people, like my parents,
where no one's checking on the kids
00:29:45
and they can literally do whatever
they want, and that's also concerning. So I feel like if you are a healthy
person with, like, some level of
00:29:54
qualification that is willing to
check in with external people and give your kids an actual social life, I
think it can be a great, uh, option.
00:30:04
Also, if your kid has, like, disabilities
or just doesn't get along with other kids, it can help them just focus on
learning instead of all the social
00:30:12
dynamics that a true public school has. Um, I feel like there probably
are a bunch of kids who don't
00:30:20
necessarily need to be homeschooled. Like, I'm always gonna wonder, how
would I have got along in public school?
00:30:25
Like, maybe I would've been well-liked
and had a lot less, uh, like, self-esteem
00:30:30
issues than I did as a homeschooler. I was very isolated. I'll never know. So it's like, I feel like most people
don't necessarily have to do it, but if
00:30:41
you have the means and some education,
I think it could be a great option I'm, I'm kind of in that same
boat with you, where I feel like
00:30:48
it's, it can be done really well
and it can be a successful thing. Um, you know, we talked about
like the ability to get in
00:30:55
college and, and stuff like that. Like, that is never… I don't
know, at this point, it's not
00:31:01
totally a concern of mine. Like, I used to, I used to really worry. Anything, given my mom worried a
lot when she was homeschooling her
00:31:07
son, like, "Eh, is my kid gonna
get into college?" kind of a thing. But like, um, you know, my, my parents,
their goal was, "We wanna make good
00:31:15
humans who go out in the world and
are able to do what they wanna do." And that, you know, that's the mindset
that you and I are kind of talking about,
00:31:21
of like having a healthy mindset of like,
you know, the goal of this is not shelter
00:31:27
my kids or protect them from, you know…
Th- there is a protection level, I guess.
00:31:30
But like, like, it is really like we
wanna do the best thing for our kid. And to your point about like a
learning disability or like ADHD or
00:31:38
like anything like that, it's like,
you know, sometimes homeschooling can really benefit those types of people.
00:31:44
Um, you know, but regardless, I'm of
the opinion that like, uh, you know, parents being advocates for their kids
in any type of school environment is
00:31:55
like ultimately gonna pay off way bigger. Because I think a big shift
is coming in our education.
00:32:00
This is my like tinfoil hat, like
predictions of the future kind of a moment, but like I think a big shift
is coming in education, and I think
00:32:07
that home education, public education,
and private education is like, it's due for a really big shift, and, uh,
I think it's coming really quickly.
00:32:15
But that's like, that's a whole nother
topic that we could spend like four hours debating and stuff like that.
00:32:21
But, Yeah. No, I could totally see that something else I'm interested in, in, in
kind of exploring with you maybe is, is
00:32:31
the idea of, like, making a new family. You talked about, you know, your parents
not really supporting you going to college
00:32:40
or making you feel less than, and, and,
and you also talked about the high control
00:32:44
aspects o- of your familiar relationships. But you also talked about now having,
like, your best friends and the people
00:32:53
in your life that are, like, in a lot
of ways, like, a chosen family, because sometimes, like, sometimes family
doesn't work out or sometimes, like,
00:33:01
you live far from family like I do. And so, like, you need those people
in your life who, like, become
00:33:08
tho- those, like, those solid
influences, those solid people that, like, sh*t hits the fan, right?
00:33:13
And you can call up and say, "Hey,
I need, I need help." And so I'm curious if you have any, like, tips or
anything around, like, finding that.
00:33:23
Because, like, as adults, it's
difficult to make friends. It's difficult to, like, be out
there and, and to find those people.
00:33:29
And so, I don't know. I- is there anything in that vein that, Um, I mean, yeah, it's
definitely difficult.
00:33:34
Um, I guess just be
open to random meetings. Um, one of my best friends, I met him
because we were working the same job and,
00:33:42
um, I guess I mentioned something about
Lord of the Rings and that's all it took,
00:33:46
and he was like, "All right, you're my
new best friend." Um, my other friend, I was taking stuff out of my car trunk
at my apartment complex and he happened
00:33:53
to walk by wearing a Spider-Man shirt,
and I was like, "I like Spider-Man. Who are you?" Like, "How are you in
the neighborhood?" So I don't know.
00:34:00
For me, sometimes wearing like shirts
or things that you like can like get people's attention and they can
be like, "Oh, I like that, too."
00:34:07
And we can start a conversation. Or like sometimes if I'm feeling lonely,
I'll go to like Facebook events in my
00:34:13
area and just kinda like force myself
to interact with people a little bit if I'm not 100% feeling it or I don't know,
just like try to go out there in little
00:34:23
ways or like consistently be at places. Like I used to live in a place with
a hot tub, so I've had all kinds of
00:34:29
cool conversations around the hot tub
with people that would be there, too. Um, just try to find like those community
meeting places I guess or there's even
00:34:38
like Facebook groups for finding friends. Like a couple months ago my therapist
was like, "Hey, you need more friends."
00:34:43
So I was like, "Okay." So I, I posted
on a couple groups just explaining who I was and gave like a recent
picture, and now I have a couple new
00:34:51
friends that I met through there. So it's just, it's cool how you can
just meet people just in the most random
00:34:57
ways and you'd never see it coming. So like don't give up hope if you
think you're forever lonely or
00:35:03
something 'cause I've met people
through the most random ways ever Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's part of like the great
thing about hosting the show is like I
00:35:13
have so many new friends who our shared
experience is the homeschool thing. And it's not always the only thing.
00:35:20
Like, you know, you're talking
about Spider-Man, I'm like, "Okay, yeah, no, we can have a conversation
about Spider-Man now," um, and
00:35:26
comic books and stuff like that. But i- you know, it is like this
great, like you were saying, finding
00:35:32
those things that are like the,
the, the common thread, right? And then, and seeing if there's
something, seeing if it can be built
00:35:40
off of that is like such a great way. And I love what you were saying
too about like actually going
00:35:45
and being in person at something. You know, virtual can be great, you know. Uh, you and I would never have met if
it wasn't for the internet, but like,
00:35:53
Yeah, go around but it is like, it's also
limiting to some degree, right? And so, um, so yeah, I think that, I think
that's really a great, um, a great like
00:36:05
tip or suggestion is just like go out. Just like be okay, like be okay
being yourself and then like,
00:36:12
you know, see what happens. Talk to people. happens. Yeah, just be open to talking to people,
'cause you know, sometimes I feel like
00:36:19
a stranger can come up to you to ask you
something and your initial reaction's like, "Ugh, what are you doing? Like,
I don't know you." But it's like,
00:36:24
what if they're a cool person though? You don't know. Like- You don't know till you
00:36:28
I, yeah. Well, I'd love to be a new
virtual friend of yours if there's any openings available, but
00:36:33
Of course. Of course. You're on the show. That, yeah, you're, you're already in.
00:36:37
Yay. Yay. Glad to join the club. something else that I found out right
before we started recording too, is that,
00:36:45
um, you also, uh, have written some books. And, um, let's, so let's talk about
that a little bit, and let's talk
00:36:52
about, like, that kind of like
that's- that's a creative outlet. And, and, um, so what,
like, inspired that?
00:36:59
Tell- tell us a little bit
about, like, what they are. Are they books of poetry?
00:37:02
Are they novels? What, what are we looking at? Yeah, it's just some
short books of poetry.
00:37:06
I self-published them
as e-books on Amazon. Um, and they're just some of my
experiences, like growing up with
00:37:13
the type of parents I had, um, like
surviving emotional abuse, and then I also did like a series of poems about,
uh, previous relationships I've had.
00:37:24
I believe that that one is called
Funeral of My Fantasies, and it's just kinda like learning how to move
past the person you thought you were
00:37:30
with and then realizing the reality
of what was actually happening. And they're, they all kind of
have different themes, like
00:37:37
depending on who I'm writing about. So I might, I might add some new
stuff in the, in the near future.
00:37:43
But, um, yeah, it's … I've, I've
been writing since I was, uh, nine. It's like a passion of mine, so
when I found out I could like
00:37:51
self-publish and didn't have to like
send it out to a million publishing houses, I was like, "This is really
cool that Amazon lets you do that."
00:37:57
So it's like a Kindle ebook that you Well, let's, yeah. I, uh, the reason I wanted to
bring it up too is because, like,
00:38:03
you know, each of us, we have
our, we have our passions, right? We have our things that it's
like, you know, our thing.
00:38:09
And so like you were saying, like,
you started writing at nine years old, and like, obviously have
been doing that for a while now.
00:38:14
So like, what, like … Do you know,
do you know where that love comes from of like wanting to write and like,
you know, and then how, why poetry?
00:38:25
Like, what got you into that? Because like I've written some poetry. It's not very good.
00:38:29
Oh cool. nothing, nothing publishable, um,
by any stretch of the imagination. But I took some creative writing
classes and like, you know, they're
00:38:37
like, "You gotta write poetry." And you know, mine is like,
"The cat sat," you know?
00:38:41
It's like, um, kind of a thing. Uh, yeah. And I'm like, if you just read it
right, it sounds like slam poetry.
00:38:47
But, um, but no, there
is a real art to poetry. So I'm curious, like, what got
you into writing and then what got
00:38:52
you into like poetry in general? well I think around that time of
my life I was really into reading.
00:38:58
Part of it was because I couldn't
really go anywhere on the regular so it's like well I can escape
mentally if not physically, so I
00:39:05
was reading all kinds of things. Um, so that got me into writing
stories in general or like, you
00:39:11
know, homegirl really thought she
was gonna be like the next C.S. Lewis or Tolkien 'cause I grew up on those
books so I was like, "Oh yeah, that's so
00:39:18
easy. Of course I can do that," right? Um, and yeah, a lot of
stuff that was very cringe.
00:39:23
Um, what got me into poetry in general
was one of my dual enrollment classes. Shout out, Miss Rachel.
00:39:29
Um, she was great. Um, and that like literally at 17 I
still thought, "Oh, poems have to rhyme.
00:39:36
They just have to, right? 'Cause then it's not a poem." And
then she like really challenged that
00:39:41
perception and like introduced me to
a lot of poetry throughout the eras that was like didn't rhyme but had
like really deep like emotional meaning
00:39:49
and metaphors and stuff, and it really
changed how I thought about poetry and I was like, "Wow, this is a really amazing
way to just like explore things and
00:39:59
make people feel what you're feeling." Like you can sometimes do that through
like a story, but I feel like poetry's
00:40:06
even better at that, just like pulling the
reader into like this is what's going on.
00:40:10
Like my heart is bleeding on the
floor right now and I'm making you see it kind of thing, so I really
like that about poetry in particular
00:40:17
I'm not gonna say that I, this
is my original analogy for what you're describing, but like, I
think of like books and novels as
00:40:24
very much like, like a house tour. You- they take you through every crook
and, you know, cranny of the house.
00:40:31
Sometimes not every room, but you
know, they, they show you, you get to see the whole thing to some degree.
00:40:36
Poetry to me is like the blinds are open
and you can see into the house, but you
00:40:41
can't see everything, and so it's like
a very, like you were saying, it's like a moment in time of like an experience.
00:40:47
And that's what people
can pull off of it, right? And that's, you know, we attach
our own stories, our own whatever
00:40:55
to that piece of, of, you know, we
see ourselves in it a lot of times. And so I think, you know, it, it's very
similar to like songwriting, is like, you
00:41:03
know, we attach our own deeper meanings to
things that sometimes are not that deep,
00:41:08
sometimes are very deep, but like we just
have a different interpretation of it.
00:41:12
And I think that that's like, again,
it's like a very beautiful thing that it's like nothing can ever replace
human-made art in, in general, because
00:41:20
it is like, it's the human experience Yeah, I love how it kind of forces you to
boil it down to, like, universal themes
00:41:26
that everybody can get into, for sure are you still writing? Like, d- is that something that is
a, is a daily, weekly thing for you?
00:41:34
Or, you know, how … Do you, do
you still scratch, uh, n- stretch that creative muscle at all?
00:41:39
I think there's periods where I write a
lot and there's periods where I don't. Um, I'm going through a breakup
right now so I feel more
00:41:46
inspired than I have in a while. I don't know if that sounds bad, but,
um, I think it might've been a sign that
00:41:51
it was a toxic relationship 'cause I
wasn't feeling inspired near the end. I was just kinda like, I felt like
I was on snooze mode through my
00:41:58
life, and now it's like I'm kind
of forced to wake up and figure out all this stuff at the same time.
00:42:03
So, um, I did write a little something
I posted on my Facebook because I basically was forced to learn stick
shift in, like, two days and go get
00:42:11
it to the dealership to trade it in,
and I'm really bad at stick shift. So I called it Subie's Last Ride 'cause
it was a Subaru, and I swear that
00:42:20
20-minute drive to the dealership felt
like I was going to Mount Doom, man. It was so bad.
00:42:24
I was just like, "I have to make it.
It's… I, this is my only shot. I have to get there." So I felt like that was
worth commemorating in a little piece I
00:42:32
put on my Facebook and stuff like that. So I'm kinda like trying to explore it. Some of it might be cringe, but I'm just
like, "You know what? This is just how
00:42:40
I express myself right now." Like, just
lots of emotions and feelings all at the
00:42:44
same time, so I'm getting back into it like, that's the beautiful thing
about, like, poetry and songwriting
00:42:49
is, like, it doesn't have to be deep. It doesn't have to be… It can
be, but it doesn't have to be.
00:42:54
It also can be silly. It can be funny. It can be, you know, it can
be all these different things.
00:42:58
And so, like, you know, a funny story
of you, like, killing it multiple times trying to get your car while you're like,
"I have no clue what I'm doing." Like,
00:43:07
you know, trying to watch a YouTube video
and figure out, like, I gotta push this
00:43:10
pedal and do this all at the same time. Like, yeah, I, I, I don't blame you. I'm, I'm terrible at
driving stick as well.
00:43:16
Um, but, but yeah, I think that's,
like, again, that's, like, the beautiful thing about, like, the creative process.
00:43:22
And, like, 2026 has been a year for
me where I've, like, I've started writing and journaling a lot more.
00:43:28
And I've always, I've always kinda done it
in the background, but it's always been,
00:43:32
like, I'll type it out kind of a thing. And this is the first year I
bought myself, like, an actual,
00:43:36
like, journal, and I write in Yeah, I just said too c- consistently. And I think there's something really,
like, magical about, like, getting,
00:43:45
like you were saying, those emotions
out in a, in a way that's like, you know… 'Cause it sucks when
they're just all bottled up inside.
00:43:53
It's like, it's much better to, like,
put them out in some form of energy and, you know, at different times in your
life it comes in different ways, right?
00:44:00
For me right now it's journaling. Sometimes it's poetry. For some people it's, you
know, going to the gym.
00:44:04
It's, like, whatever. You gotta get that stuff out. Um, and so very cool. I'm very excited.
00:44:12
I'm gonna make sure to put a link,
too, to all of your poetry books down in the description as well.
00:44:16
So go, go check them out. And if poetry's something you're
into, um, here we go, new poetry
00:44:21
books for you guys to explore. I'm coming. Yes, I will be in bed. Yes. Oh As a Portofelo homeschool alum.
00:44:29
Cool. So one final thing I wanted to kinda
touch on with you, and something that
00:44:34
has come up on this show a lot recently,
has been adult diagnosis of ADHD. And so, you know, when you and I chatted
previously, you, you were telling
00:44:44
me about that and things like that. So I wanna know quickly, kind of like,
what… It doesn't have to be quick.
00:44:51
Uh, but like, I'm, I'm curious what
got you to the point of wanting to get diagnosed, and then what that
has, like, meant to you, and then
00:45:00
we'll talk about how things have maybe
shifted in your life since that, so Yeah.
00:45:05
Well, when I was younger, my mom took
me to, I'm pretty sure, a not qualified person and got me diagnosed with
Asperger's autism and told everyone in
00:45:14
the Christmas letter that I had that. Um, I did learn as an adult that
those symptoms can like overlap with
00:45:20
ADHD, so I think I got misdiagnosed. So, um, I kind of wish that
I'd been diagnosed earlier.
00:45:27
I definitely was very distracted mentally. Like you would never know it, but
I was just like picturing like
00:45:32
my favorite movies in my head
instead of doing my math, listening to my math teacher, you know?
00:45:36
So, um, I think that would have helped
a lot if I gotten diagnosed earlier. Um, so I was working at a job that
required a lot of attention to detail,
00:45:45
and honestly, in hindsight, uh, my
boss was just not being a nice person. We'll just put it that way.
00:45:53
Um, but she made me feel like something
was wrong with me that I couldn't like intensely focus for long periods of time.
00:46:00
And then my other coworker was like,
"Oh, I think you have ADHD." So I went to my, uh, primary care provider and
they basically confirmed that I did.
00:46:09
Um, so with that particular job,
I was glad for the diagnosis. They got me meds and stuff like that.
00:46:15
I have a different job that's
not as mentally taxing, so it doesn't affect me too much anymore.
00:46:21
But it did feel good to have some like
answers to what I was like as a kid, like
00:46:26
why was I so weird and things like that,
and why wasn't I doing better in school.
00:46:31
I did pretty decently, but like I
feel like I could have done, done better if I was decently diagnosed
earlier on and stuff like that.
00:46:38
So it helps 'cause then if in the future
someone's like, "Hey, do this very, like, very focused task," I can be like,
"Okay, this is what I need to do to
00:46:45
make sure I can do that kind of thing that's a big thing that I think a
lot of, of people who are diagnosed,
00:46:51
yeah, in their 20s and later in life. I had somebody on recently who,
um, he's like late 30s, early 40s,
00:46:56
something like that, and he, he was
diagnosed in the last year as that. Oh and so, you know, y- you know, one
of the things that I've learned
00:47:05
as someone who grew up with… I, I don't have ADHD, but I, I have
people in my life who do, and like,
00:47:11
it's all about, like, the coping
mechanisms is ultimately, like, you know? And some of them are healthy,
and some of them are not, right?
00:47:17
You, you, you figure out the
things that work for you. Like you were describing of, like, if I
have to do a very detail-oriented task,
00:47:23
there's probably a checklist of things
that you have to do before you can really,
00:47:28
like, hone in or you know it's gonna
take me longer than someone else doing it or, you know, whatever those things are.
00:47:34
But I'm curious, like, you talked about,
um, you know, with that diagnosis then,
00:47:40
like being able to look back at your
childhood and say, "Well, this maybe would've been helpful here, and here,
and here," but what are the things that
00:47:47
I guess you've kind of learned about
yourself and maybe, like, I don't wanna say they're tricks, but maybe those coping
mechanisms where you're like, "Okay,
00:47:54
now, like, because I understand my brain,
it's given me more, um, self-esteem, confidence in, like, knowing, like,
this is how I operate as a person"?
00:48:04
Yeah, it definitely helped out right
away, 'cause for like a split second I was like, "Oh, should I feel bad about this
'cause I technically have a disability
00:48:12
or whatever?" And my best friends were
all like, "No, we all have it too. It's whatever.
00:48:16
Like, it's not a big deal." And I
realized it is a very common thing, and, um, some people think that it
actually helped, like, earlier ancestors
00:48:24
of humanity because we had to focus
on a bunch of stuff at the same time. We weren't stuck in boxes for eight
hours a day staring at a screen.
00:48:31
So I was like, "Okay, this actually can be
a helpful thing to have." And, um, yeah,
00:48:35
definitely looking back I'm like, "Okay,
I wasn't stupid for, like, mentally dozing
00:48:40
off and thinking about something else. That's just how my brain is wired. It wasn't ready to sit down and shut
up for eight hours every single day."
00:48:47
So it, it definitely made me feel
a little better about myself. Like, okay, I'm just a little bit
different than I thought I was or
00:48:53
that I was supposed to be or whatever. Yeah. So how d- like, as far as like, I
guess finding new ways to deal with the
00:49:02
way that your brain operates and like
those coping mechanisms, like what have you … Have you found any, any new
things that have helped you significantly?
00:49:12
Or, you know, are … Or is it just kind
of knowing, hey, this is the way I am now?
00:49:18
Like, not now, but like this is the
way I am, uh, like has just helped you Yeah.
00:49:26
I mean, it's just a lot of simple things. It's nothing crazy. Like, um, my phone calendar saves my life.
00:49:31
There are definitely been times where I
was supposed to call someone and I totally
00:49:34
forgot till I got the 10-minute reminder. I was like, "Oh yeah, thank you. I
would've totally spaced on that." Or, um,
00:49:40
you know, I, I got prescribed like a low
dosage of Adderall if I really need it,
00:49:45
or even caffeine can help, uh, your brain
focus more, kind of a similar effect. So I can do things like
that when I really need it.
00:49:54
Um, you know, just taking like
basic notes if I'm like really worried my brain's gonna like skip
along and forget about something.
00:50:00
I'm just like, "All right, let
me … I know I'm gonna forget this, so give me two seconds. Let me write
this down. I've got a thing here."
00:50:06
Um, you know, stuff like that. Emailing myself things or just putting
in a lot of detail on my calendar.
00:50:11
Like, "Okay, this is who I'm meeting,
this is where I'm going," because I know I'm gonna forget this 10 minutes after
someone tells me, so it really helps
00:50:18
I think what's interesting too about,
like, ADHD is, like, it manifests itself in so many different ways.
00:50:24
You know, for some people it's like
the object permanence thing of like, like you put something somewhere and
then it's out of sight, out of mind.
00:50:30
You're like, "It doesn't exist anymore."
And then like, like to your point about like making plans with people,
you're like, "I gotta write it down.
00:50:38
I gotta put it in a calendar. I have to have this system to know," like,
and, and the reminders of like, "Hey,
00:50:44
in 24 hours this thing is happening,"
or, "In an hour this thing is happening. In 10 minutes this thing
is happening." Right?
00:50:49
And, um, you know, I think to some
degree everybody kinda has that like, we probably should be writing
a lot of these things down, you know?
00:50:56
Um, but it is cool to see, like,
how people build the systems to like be able to do that.
00:51:02
Like, you know, like you were saying with
the calendar or like I know people with
00:51:06
object permanence who are like, "Yeah, I
just don't use certain parts of my fridge
00:51:09
because if I put things there, they,
that's where they go to die," basically. Um,
00:51:14
Thanks and so, um, so it is cool to see, like,
people, especially like, you know, now in
00:51:22
our, in, in adulthood like be like, "Okay,
I'm gonna get diagnosed. I'm gonna like
00:51:26
figure out what is going on in my brain."
And like I think it's this step that a lot of us are taking, our generation
is taking towards like being healthier
00:51:36
people, which is gonna like radicalize
the world here very soon because like, you know, pretty soon we're
gonna be the majority is gonna
00:51:45
be us, uh, 20, 30-year-olds. Um, and so like, you know, I think, I
think some cool shifts are coming where
00:51:53
it's like we actually like care about
ourselves and we nurture ourselves and we know how our brains operate and, you know,
we're working on healing our inner child
00:52:00
in so many ways, and things like that. And so I think some big shifts are sure. Yeah, of, of course I encourage everyone
to at least try therapy, and I know
00:52:08
that it's usually expensive, but I did
recently realize that there's these things called employee assistance
programs where a lot of jobs will let
00:52:16
you have X amount of sessions for free. So I highly encourage people to try
that if you're like, "Oh, I'm so weird.
00:52:22
Why is, why am I such a failure
at this thing in my life?" It's just like, you're probably not.
00:52:27
It's just you, you need someone to help
you, like, give, give you a different perspective on it or figure out a way
to improve through it kind of thing, so
00:52:35
Yeah. definitely helps as well Yeah. Well, and you're talking
about, I mean, therapists are,
00:52:39
you know, that's their job. Their job is to know the tools, you know? And so, and, and to be able to diagnose
people to some degree with stuff.
00:52:46
And so it, yeah, it is super helpful. I did therapy a little bit in college
and, you know, some one-offs type of thing
00:52:53
and, and every now and then and stuff. And it's like, it's helpful to have
that other person look in and be
00:52:58
able to ask the questions that you
sometimes can't ask yourself, you know? Um, and so you can work on stuff and make
yourself better 'cause ultimately that's
00:53:07
kind of what hopefully it's all about
is, you know, getting progressively a little bit better every single day, so.
00:53:13
Yeah, exactly. Um, it's just like you think things are
normal in your life and then they're
00:53:17
like, "Uh, you said what?" Like, and
then you're like, "Oh, that's not normal. Oops.
00:53:21
Okay." Yeah, exactly. Um, yeah, you don't know till you know. So, um, Liliana, this has been a
wonderful conversation.
00:53:29
I appreciate you coming on and,
and talking about not only your homeschool experience, but,
like, life in general, launching.
00:53:37
We talked about poetry. We went a lot of
different places, and I… It was a lot of fun.
00:53:41
I… love It We just need some popcorn. It'll be the perfect friend hangout. Thank you so much for having me.
00:53:45
It's really nice to talk to you. Of course, of course. And, uh, to the audience, again,
if you're interested in some
00:53:52
poetry books, link down below. Go check it out and, uh, support
a fellow homeschool alum.
00:53:57
Uh, if you wanna support the
show, you know what to do. Do all the internet things, like
this video, uh, like this audio
00:54:03
episode, however you consume it. Share it with a friend, leave
a comment, like, I… Trust me,
00:54:07
it, it actually, like, does do
something when you do those things. Um, and so, uh, I appreciate
it when you do that.
00:54:13
If you wanna be on the show, shoot
me an email, [email protected]. Tell me a little bit about
your homeschool experience.
00:54:19
We'll set up a time to chat
and, uh, and maybe you'll be on the show very, very soon.
00:54:25
And so, uh, again, nice, I promise. I prob- yeah, I don't bite. Um, I don't bite.
00:54:32
Um, and so yeah, so let's be,
let's be homeschool friends. That's, uh, that's I guess what
00:54:37
I'm asking there. Very cool. Well, until next time
you guys, we'll see ya. Peace.