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happy holidays my ex- homies it's your
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friend Jacob Gooden the host of the best
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ex- homeschooler podcast this side of
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the internet that is the ex-
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homeschoolers club and man oh man we are
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winding down 2024 this is the last
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episode of the year I'm so stoked for it
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you got me today it's going to be a solo
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episode I told you that December was the
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month of the goodin and I'm delivering
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okay so first week of December you got
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an interview with my mom second week you
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got an interview with my dad and here we
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are in the third week you're getting an
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interview with me then we're taking a
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week off cuz we're going to
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celebrate Christmas and um so what are
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we going to talk about today what am I
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sharing
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well today I'm sh sharing my religious
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experience my Christian Journey um if
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you will and I really wrestled with this
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episode
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because when I started this podcast I
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really felt like yeah we're going to
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touch on faith and religion a little bit
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we have to right but I didn't never
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really want to share my story not
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because I'm ashamed of it or anything
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like that but I just kind of wrestled
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with it and The more I've done this show
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The more I've realized
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that my religious experience is so tied
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into my homeschool Journey that I would
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be doing myself a disservice and I'd be
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doing you guys a disservice if I didn't
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explain the things that I believed
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during my homeschool time and then now
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as an adult the things that I believe
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today so
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we're going to do that but before we do
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uh I got a couple things first and
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foremost I wanted to say thank you if
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you've been a listener a watcher a
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commenter uh somebody who's followed me
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on social media thank you so much you've
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made this show what it is today it's
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been far greater of an experience than I
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could ever imagine I really thought the
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show would do nothing I think that's
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what every podcaster says when they get
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started is that they they can't imagine
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their show actually uh getting views and
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and listens um but this show has
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definitely done so much more than even
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just that right those are vanity numbers
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but the connections the the
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reconnections I've made with people
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right and and the new connections with
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other homeschool kids have been
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absolutely amazing so thank you thank
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you thank you so much I I can't tell you
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words can't even describe how grateful I
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am for each and every one of you
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truly that being said I've got a favor
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to ask actually two one is that if you
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like the show and you listen to it on
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the regular maybe you share it with a
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friend you know send it their way during
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this holiday season say hey you've got
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some time I know you've got some time CU
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it's holiday break uh take a listen see
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what you think maybe reconnect with some
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old homeschool friends and um yeah do
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that if you wouldn't mind I would
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greatly appreciate it the second thing
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is I want to hear from you guys I want
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to know how I can continue to make the
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show better um I want to know guests
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that you want to have on topics you want
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to discuss I want to know if we were to
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build a community outside somewhere
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whether it's Reddit or Discord or slack
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or I don't know WhatsApp something like
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that um I want to know so I have a quick
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survey it's going to be the top Link in
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the description in the show notes
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whatever it's going to be down there
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somewhere okay just click down there
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okay and uh it's six questions okay it's
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super easy one of them is your email
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which probably will AutoFill in the
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second one is your name super easy and
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then I've got a couple questions about
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stuff about the show so if you don't
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mind fill that out for me I greatly
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greatly appreciate it it helps me so
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much and uh yeah so those are the my two
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favors the third thing I wanted to say
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before uh we get started is that I'm
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really nervous uh about this
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episode it's been a lot harder to prep
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for this episode than I think any other
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episode that I've done including the
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Purity culture one and I know Purity
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culture touched a lot on religion but um
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this one is just much more personal
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because it's my experience and I know
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that when you share your religious
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experiences on the
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internet it opens you up to criticism
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when you share anything on the internet
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it opens you up to criticism it opens
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you up to hate it opens you up to people
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being allowed to say whatever they want
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about you and so I
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have I have wrestled with that um I've
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shared some of my religious stuff online
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before and I've had hurtful comments
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thrown my way and I don't know it's just
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it it's been something that's been scary
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for me I guess is what I'm trying to say
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so I guess my third favor that I have to
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ask is that if you do want to comment
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and you do want to engage with this like
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please be loving be gentle be kind um
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you know this is my corner of the
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internet and I do reserve the right to
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if you're going to be mean and hateful
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like you will get blocked I I don't care
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I'm open to having discussion and I'm
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open to disagreement um what I'm not
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open to
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is hate just being thrown for Hate's
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sake so
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um yeah I don't know really how else to
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say that I I don't expect there to be
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hate but you know you never know I guess
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that's what I'm trying to say so enough
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of me stalling I guess let's kind of get
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into my story
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and man this is
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a lot harder than I expected so
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where does my Christian Journey begin
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let's let's start there I guess
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so growing up I I I remember always
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going to church I have my Christian my
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my parents are Christians um they they
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were they are um Christians they still
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go to church to this day and so I just
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remember going to church that was just a
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consistent thing in my life for pretty
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much my entire life and I want to say
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when I was around the age of between 6
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and 8 and I know my parents can probably
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uh confirm or deny if this is correct or
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not but um my there was a Billy Graham
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crusade that came to town somewhere and
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my my dad took me and my sister and my
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grandpa and we went to this Billy gram
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Crusade now um a part of the biligram
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organization they have uh salty the
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singing song book and
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he is basically or they are I'm not even
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sure what salty is but uh salty is
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basically
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Barney Christian ified I guess um it's
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this gigantic book with arms and legs
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and eyes um that dances around and sings
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songs and it's yeah it's basically
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Christian Barney um for lack of a better
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term but at the end of the show they did
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an alter call and I remember tugging on
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my dad's shirt and I and saying Hey I
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want to go down there um and I want to
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accept Jesus into my heart and so we did
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and he took me down there and one of the
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team uh members that was down there kind
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of walked me through the ABCs of
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becoming a Christian and um which is to
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uh a is to admit um your sins B was to
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to uh accept and believe in Jesus Christ
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uh and C was confess uh your faith uh in
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Jesus's Savior and Lord and so
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I remember vividly doing that and I
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remember I don't I don't even like I
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can't again it's so vivid In My Memory
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it's hard to even describe I just
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remember being a can and doing this and
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really believing for the first time ever
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that I was like I'm a Christian I
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believe in Jesus and
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um so yeah so that happened and I won't
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say that much changed in my life like I
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still just went to church and Sunday
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school and did church activities and
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things like that and so I don't like I
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said I don't really remember it changing
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a whole lot did VBS and um I was just
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like a normal Church kid right and so
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during that time it was just kind of
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like I guess building the foundation of
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my faith right I read the Bible and do
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Bible studies with friends and and all
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that kind of stuff and
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so a few years later past that I want to
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say between eight and 10 years old uh is
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when I got baptized and
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again my choice my parents never forced
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me to do any of this
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um but I chose to get baptized in that
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is you know you presenting to your
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church saying I I'm choosing to live a
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Christian lifestyle and you know I want
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to walk with God basically and uh so
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yeah so I remember doing that I at the
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time we went to a little Baptist Church
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in the oh Valley and yeah was like a
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little dunk tank and Pastor put me under
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asked me a couple questions CH and came
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out and you know the church applauded
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kind of a thing there's really two main
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churches when I talk and think about my
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faith Journey that stand out to me and I
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attended more churches than this but
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there's really two that were like I
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think the backbone
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for my Christian my Christian experience
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and so that is Ohio Valley Baptist um as
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I said and I went there pretty much I
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was a young kid when we started go in
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there and I went there till I was about
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14 13 14 years old um and then I went to
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reality Ventura um through high school
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and then into some college and
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so they shaped me in a lot of ways into
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into who I am today and into my
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Christian experience and so um I said
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this before but ohigh Valley Baptist was
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kind of I would say where the foundation
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of my Christianity comes into play um
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and then reality was like the place
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where I feel like I made my faith my own
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and
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and and I'll explain what that means in
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just a second but so oh Baptist built
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like it was the the foundation in
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that I was being taught the Bible um I
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was being taught very traditional
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Christian
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values um you know go to church read my
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Bible go home read my Bible um one of
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the big things I remember learning there
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was like the import importance of
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serving um and that being a huge part of
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of Christianity is like serve other
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people right love other people serve
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them and I I saw that played out through
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like my parents and and other people
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inside the church my parents were like
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the treasures at the church and I want
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to say that they like LED Bible studies
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at different points and all this kind of
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thing and and so being the good little
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Christian boy that I was I wanted to
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mimic that I wanted to you know emulate
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that in a lot of ways and
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um and so that meant a lot of things
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right cleaning up around the church um
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it meant you know playing guitar um uh
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with the worship team uh it meant like
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serving like doing uh sound or like
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helping with aana and like all these
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things and
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um being just very much involved in
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church activity I guess and uh I was a
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big time music nerd I think around the
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age of 10 I my parents can confirm or
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deny this but around the age of 10 is
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when they told me that I had to learn an
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instrument and I picked guitar and so I
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spent like eight plus oh no it was more
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than that I spent close to a decade
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playing guitar and you know so by the
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time I was 12 I think I'd been playing
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for two plus years at that point I was
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starting to get asked to serve uh in
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church on the worship team and play like
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special music and stuff like that and I
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loved it I loved it so much um I can't
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even tell you how much it was just like
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it was amazing it was it was what I
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wanted to do
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um
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and it was interesting because the
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church again we're going to oh Baptist
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at this time it's very conservative
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traditional old school Church a lot of
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hymns uh we mostly had organ and piano
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uh worship So guitar was kind of a new
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mix the the worship as at the time was
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trying to contemporize it a little bit
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that's not even a word but we were
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trying to play more contemporary
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Christian music um you know most of the
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people there were okay with the fact
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that like you know I could get up there
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and play cusa guitar with him and and it
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sounded good and things like that but uh
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but as I got older got an electric
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guitar the the worship Pastor wanted to
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kind of like make it more contemporary
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right so you know let's put some
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electric guitar in the mix and we had a
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bass player at church and he was trying
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to find a drummer and all these things
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and I just vividly remember like after
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church one week and like uh a church
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member coming up to me and basically
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telling me that like I was too loud and
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my electric guitar was too loud and that
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basically like rock music didn't have a
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place in church and I was like really
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crushed I think as a kid because I that
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was what spoke to me right like that was
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when we if you've read the Bible you
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know that music is pretty pretty big in
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the Bible especially in the Old
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Testament is there's a lot of I there's
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a whole freaking book in the Bible
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that's just songs and so I would read
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these things and
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and I felt like music music is this
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Escape for the soul right it is this
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connection to something bigger than
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ourselves ideas beliefs whatever it is
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not to get too woo woo with it but like
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it connects you to to bigger things and
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so
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it was hard for me to hear that because
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here I was 12 13 years old really
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wanting to like
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pursue a really healthy relationship
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with God and music was a way that I
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connected I felt like I connected with
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God and so to be told that that like
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basically has no place in church was
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just tough right it was just not not
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what I wanted um to hear um
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and and
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really it was coming from old people who
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they were just stuck they were just
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stuck in they wanted to hear hymns and
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they wanted what they wanted and and I
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think it was it was tough too if you
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have ever been to a Baptist Church you
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know that they tend to be
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um I don't know if political is the the
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correct word here but they tend to be
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like this Democratic process at least
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ours was we voted on freaking everything
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and I remember this again a very
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distinct
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memory this is ultimately I think what
00:15:01
really turned me off to going to church
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there was we had a meeting of the church
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members and we were asked I was young
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right I was 13 at the time and like
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being asked like well what is what about
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church would draw more young people we
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needed more young people at the church
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that was what we were trying to solve
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and and they asked me because I was 13
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and I said well I want louder music I
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want rock and roll right I want pastors
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who are like you know
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like
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fun I want uh children's church was
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always kind of a mess at our church
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because it was I don't know I felt like
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there wasn't enough young adults or even
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sometimes kids to Warrant always having
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uh Sunday school and things like that
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but um yeah just
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like I remember saying that and then
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just kind of being shot down and being
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like H that's not it like don't listen
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to him it's like well okay so I say I
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say that to that gets us to church
00:16:01
number two that gets us to reality is
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basically what I'm getting at and so
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around that time of 13 I think it was a
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summer I was I was going to turn 14 I
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was going to freshman year high school
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and uh my best friend at the time he
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invited me to go to youth group with him
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and I was like okay my church didn't
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have a youth group because there was
00:16:19
hardly any youth there and so I go
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reality it was amazing it was like
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everything I could have dreamed for
00:16:28
right music was loud it was rock and
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roll the pastor was relatable uh you
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know we played fun games everybody was
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cool like and I remember being like if
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Sunday is anything like this then like
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this is the kind of church I want to go
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to
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and it was like I remember just being so
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like I was in love with it I was just
00:16:49
instantly in love with it right I felt
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like I could finally
00:16:53
have a community of
00:16:56
people who could push me towards being a
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better Christian
00:16:59
right and who we just related right we
00:17:02
could be strong together you know the
00:17:05
Bible always says the Bible says um that
00:17:08
like multiple cords together are are
00:17:11
stronger right and it's like a rope and
00:17:14
so I remember going to my parents and
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kind of being like hey I'm really fed up
00:17:17
at ohigh Valley um I'm just like I'm
00:17:21
just kind of like dying I I don't like
00:17:23
going I don't look forward to going on
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Sundays I don't feel like I can even
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serve because just get told I'm doing it
00:17:29
wrong all the time um I want something
00:17:32
new right and I'm really thankful that I
00:17:36
had I had parents who they listened and
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they didn't judge um but they heard me
00:17:43
and and I think my sister was kind of
00:17:44
echoing some of the same things I
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was and so they listened to us and they
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said okay like let's let's try something
00:17:51
different and they were heavily involved
00:17:55
in that church um and so they definitely
00:17:57
it took a little while cuz they had to
00:17:58
and their commitments there but they
00:18:00
were like okay let's let's go to some
00:18:02
other churches and so I think we went to
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like two churches we had decided as a
00:18:06
family we're going to tour a couple
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churches and go a couple weeks and and
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you know feel it out make pros and cons
00:18:12
lists and whatever else and decide and I
00:18:14
think we went to two churches and then
00:18:16
we were like reality is the place and I
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was stoked my friends were there um like
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I said I just felt like it
00:18:24
was it lit a new fire inside of me for
00:18:28
Christianity
00:18:30
and reality is the place I feel
00:18:33
like I made my faith my own
00:18:39
and what do I mean by that I I
00:18:42
think it's been hard to Define it to be
00:18:45
honest and I'm looking at my notes
00:18:47
because I'm like what did I write down
00:18:49
to kind of explain this
00:18:53
and the way I always viewed Christianity
00:18:56
in our relationship with God was through
00:18:59
this lens of relationship right it's a
00:19:01
personal relationship between you and
00:19:03
God right and so prayer is the way that
00:19:07
you talk to him and prayer doesn't
00:19:10
always have to be the Super formal like
00:19:12
dear God um you know whatever it could
00:19:15
just literally be a conversation that's
00:19:16
just how I view it that's that was my
00:19:18
understanding of of of God right and how
00:19:22
things worked
00:19:24
and so I always viewed it as this
00:19:26
personal relationship thing and and that
00:19:28
God was was there and there was there
00:19:30
was rules and there was expectations and
00:19:32
there was
00:19:35
um there was kind of this the Bible was
00:19:38
not a rule book so to speak but a
00:19:40
guidelines I guess um of like here's
00:19:45
what following me looks like and and if
00:19:50
you struggled with it you talk to God
00:19:52
about it and then you'd also talk to
00:19:55
your fellow Christians about it and be
00:19:56
like how can I be better at this right
00:19:58
right so when we got to reality I felt
00:20:01
like I finally had that I had people
00:20:03
around me who I was going to a church of
00:20:06
people who allowed children to speak
00:20:08
that that that is a key point that I
00:20:10
wanted to say as well Ohio Val Baptist
00:20:13
for me felt like a church where children
00:20:15
were kind of still these things that
00:20:16
were like to be seen and not heard and
00:20:18
that's not 100% true but it definitely
00:20:22
felt it it definitely there was a
00:20:23
generation of people at that church who
00:20:25
were kind of like they would not ignore
00:20:28
knowled that the kids had these like
00:20:31
spiritual needs um so to
00:20:33
speak whereas reality it felt like that
00:20:37
was a huge part of their Ministry um was
00:20:40
making sure that kids were seen and
00:20:43
heard um and and given like tools right
00:20:47
and so so going to reality I got really
00:20:51
tied into the youth group I got really
00:20:53
tied into like serving I was on the
00:20:55
worship team I helped with the sound
00:20:57
team um doing PowerPoint like uh I went
00:21:02
to junior high camp with kids uh as like
00:21:04
a a leader
00:21:06
like I
00:21:08
did I think what I felt like was good
00:21:11
Christian boy Behavior so you know um I
00:21:14
was serving I was serving others inside
00:21:16
of the church um to be honest I don't
00:21:19
know that I was serving many people
00:21:21
outside of the church who arguably are
00:21:23
the people who need it more but I was
00:21:25
serving people in inside the church um
00:21:29
and and living in community with people
00:21:31
who were strengthening me were backing
00:21:35
me up on things I
00:21:36
believed um that kind of a thing and
00:21:42
so where do I want to go from here let
00:21:45
me check my notes again I told you guys
00:21:48
this was a hard episode for me to like
00:21:50
put because there's so many thoughts and
00:21:52
there's so many nuances there so many
00:21:53
rabbit holes I could go down and talk
00:21:54
for hours about this stuff um so now let
00:21:59
me look
00:22:00
here okay I think this is important to
00:22:07
share I would argue that I have friends
00:22:09
from that time who would who would say I
00:22:12
maybe wasn't the
00:22:15
most Evangelistic person
00:22:19
um you know Christianity calls us to
00:22:22
spread religion to all to spread the
00:22:25
message of Christ to all corners of the
00:22:26
Earth right and some people are much
00:22:29
more charismatic and um able to like go
00:22:33
do that and be missionaries and all
00:22:34
those kind of things I was I've never
00:22:37
really been that
00:22:38
way um I build long lasting
00:22:42
relationships and friendships
00:22:45
and with people who are like my writer
00:22:47
dies um
00:22:50
and again this comes back to my
00:22:52
interpretation of the Bible and things I
00:22:54
read about and I I have always felt like
00:22:57
the Bible
00:22:59
shows us that people have different
00:23:01
skills and to lean into your skills
00:23:02
right and that there's a place for you
00:23:04
at the table and so I always felt like
00:23:08
my place was
00:23:09
not evangelism um in the sense of like
00:23:13
let me go out on the streets and just
00:23:14
talk to people and like lead them to
00:23:16
Christ right there on the street like
00:23:19
evangelism for me was again relationship
00:23:22
right I talked about my relationship
00:23:24
with God was very personal was very
00:23:27
one-on-one um
00:23:29
or one on Three if you believe in the
00:23:30
Holy Trinity that's also kind of how I
00:23:32
viewed like evangelism right is this
00:23:36
oneon-one relationship with people and I
00:23:38
felt like you could always go so much
00:23:41
further if you just had genuine
00:23:43
relationship with people and so I
00:23:46
remember when I was in college I
00:23:48
interned at my dad's office and I I had
00:23:51
like data entry it was like the worst
00:23:53
job in the world um so boring but
00:23:57
popping a podcast asked do my work and
00:24:00
be done but uh one day I'm having lunch
00:24:02
and this woman who I had met her before
00:24:04
but I I didn't know her very well comes
00:24:07
in and I'm sitting there and I'm you
00:24:09
know I'm eating lunch alone I'm like on
00:24:10
my phone scrolling and she comes over
00:24:12
and she asks if she can sit with me and
00:24:13
talk with me and I was like okay sure
00:24:15
and we started talking and she's she's
00:24:17
like um oh you're you're Keith's son
00:24:20
right and I was like yeah and um and she
00:24:22
goes yeah you guys are just like
00:24:24
different aren't you and I was like what
00:24:26
I was like kind of taking it back
00:24:27
because I was just like what that's like
00:24:29
kind of rude to say and she's like I
00:24:31
don't mean it in a rude way I just mean
00:24:32
it in a like there's something about you
00:24:34
guys that's like different and like
00:24:37
special and again this doesn't sound
00:24:39
great
00:24:40
right but um but what she was so we so
00:24:44
we started talking and and what it
00:24:45
really boiled down to was she she felt
00:24:48
this
00:24:49
like that we were genuine people who
00:24:52
genuinely
00:24:53
connected and I was like okay and she's
00:24:55
like yeah when you see me you always say
00:24:56
hello and you ask me how I am and if
00:24:58
feels like you actually like give a [ __ ]
00:25:00
about me as a person and you're
00:25:02
listening to what I have to say and
00:25:03
things like that and I was like oh
00:25:05
interesting and she's like why do you
00:25:06
think that is like why do you think you
00:25:07
are that way or like how are you that
00:25:09
way and I was and at the time I was a
00:25:11
Christian still and so I said I said
00:25:13
well I'm a Christian and and a part of
00:25:15
my religion is is that it's caring for
00:25:18
people right it's it's being there for
00:25:20
them it's actually like giving a [ __ ]
00:25:22
about them and I didn't really push it I
00:25:26
was like you know I wasn't about to be
00:25:28
like oh you should come to church with
00:25:29
me or like I don't know what her
00:25:31
religion was she could totally have been
00:25:32
a Christian as well but like that's what
00:25:34
I mean when I say that like for me
00:25:36
evangelism is this relational thing
00:25:38
where it's like if I had lunch with her
00:25:41
again you know um we could either
00:25:45
continue that conversation about genuine
00:25:46
connection with people we could go down
00:25:48
a more religious Rabbit Hole the door
00:25:50
had been opened I guess so to speak
00:25:53
again that's just how I've always viewed
00:25:54
it it's relationship it's genuinely
00:25:56
caring about people that's that's how I
00:25:57
viewed Christian and evangelism and
00:26:01
so that's kind of a side tangent um of
00:26:05
this whole thing but again trying to
00:26:08
give you guys an understanding of my
00:26:10
belief system right and I guess I didn't
00:26:13
make it very clear um Christianity for
00:26:18
me what that meant what I believed in
00:26:21
was
00:26:22
that God created the world Seven Days
00:26:25
Seven Nights um on that seventh day he
00:26:27
rested said he created Adam and Eve who
00:26:29
were the first man and woman uh they
00:26:31
messed up and they sinned which is why
00:26:34
we've all fallen short and for many many
00:26:37
years um God worked in these mysterious
00:26:40
ways he built the nation of Israel um
00:26:43
all of these things uh and
00:26:45
then thousands of years
00:26:48
later um he came and spoke to a woman
00:26:51
named Mary Mary had uh was a virgin and
00:26:55
she gave birth to a son that is the Son
00:26:57
of God Jesus Christ
00:26:59
and um and he grew up to be the savior
00:27:02
of the world he died the Ultimate Death
00:27:04
uh on a cross to pay for our sins and so
00:27:07
that is what I'm talking about when I
00:27:09
talk about Christianity for me those
00:27:11
were the things I believed in again
00:27:12
that's very glossed over um there's a
00:27:15
lot more Nuance to it but I'm trying to
00:27:17
keep it brief guys I know I'm running
00:27:19
long here
00:27:22
but so where are we College let's talk
00:27:25
about college okay so After High School
00:27:27
reality was amazing reality like I said
00:27:30
I felt like it gave
00:27:32
me a place to make my faith my own
00:27:35
really and and serve people and so when
00:27:38
I got to college
00:27:40
I I chose a college it was a Christian
00:27:43
college and also it was small and I did
00:27:47
that because it was comfortable I was
00:27:49
used to The Homeschool bubble and inside
00:27:52
of that homes School bubble it felt like
00:27:54
so many people we all believe the same
00:27:55
thing right even though we had small
00:27:57
disagreements on about some things and I
00:28:00
think maybe bigger disagreements behind
00:28:01
the scenes what I'm learning doing this
00:28:03
podcast but um but for the most part we
00:28:07
kind of believe the same thing we were
00:28:08
all kind of in this bubble of
00:28:10
Christianity homeschool weirdness type
00:28:12
of thing and um so College I didn't want
00:28:16
to Veer too much out of that I feel like
00:28:18
I I I was already scared to leave home
00:28:21
um and so I chose a school that was like
00:28:23
was safe right it was Christian College
00:28:26
you know there was actually a decent
00:28:28
number of homeschoolers there um but it
00:28:31
felt like that homeschool youth group
00:28:33
bubble um still and
00:28:38
so so I got there now this
00:28:42
school was so Christian we had we had a
00:28:46
lifestyle agreement so we were not
00:28:48
allowed to drink uh we were not allowed
00:28:51
to smoke we were not allowed to do drugs
00:28:53
we were not allowed to uh have
00:28:55
premarital sex uh we were not allowed to
00:28:59
um just a prear we were also were not
00:29:01
allowed to have like gay saxs um I'm
00:29:04
trying to remember there was there was
00:29:05
other things as well uh we had
00:29:08
commitment to like being at Chapel a
00:29:12
certain number of times every semester
00:29:14
um it was not a requirement but it was a
00:29:17
highly it was highly suggested that you
00:29:20
join a church um that you be involved in
00:29:23
like Bible studies and things like that
00:29:25
and um which as somebody who was already
00:29:28
kind of used to that kind of lifestyle
00:29:32
of like going to church every Sunday
00:29:33
going to youth group once a week uh
00:29:35
serving in Ministry some other way
00:29:37
during the week sometimes uh it was like
00:29:40
normal to me and so when I got to school
00:29:44
I just I very quickly I I didn't also
00:29:47
really understand that there was certain
00:29:48
things that were more like we want you
00:29:50
to do this but we understand like it's
00:29:52
not 100% possible so by the end of my
00:29:55
first semester I found myself I was
00:29:56
going to church like six times a week it
00:29:58
was crazy um it was just a lot and It
00:30:03
ultimately resulted in me kind of
00:30:05
burning out of church I'll talk about
00:30:06
that in a minute but the other thing
00:30:09
that school was teaching me was it was
00:30:12
really the first time too that I was in
00:30:14
an environment where I took a religion
00:30:16
class my first year um we talked
00:30:19
about a lot about Christianity and the
00:30:23
difference between you know what is a
00:30:26
Baptist versus like Cath
00:30:28
versus uh Wesleyan versus this and then
00:30:31
all of the difference in between all
00:30:33
that stuff and
00:30:36
so so the first day of class the
00:30:38
professor comes in and he's asking us
00:30:39
all these questions right he's asking us
00:30:41
about like the seven-day creation and
00:30:43
he's asking us why we believe that he's
00:30:45
asking us if we believe in Noah's Arc
00:30:47
and could could the flood have not
00:30:49
really been Global could it have been
00:30:51
all these other things right and what he
00:30:53
was trying to do I look back on it and I
00:30:55
realize he was trying to push us to
00:30:57
defend our faith
00:30:59
um but I didn't have good answers for
00:31:02
him to be quite honest I just had
00:31:04
answers that were like well my pastor
00:31:07
told me this and my like you know my
00:31:10
parents told me this and my science
00:31:11
textbook told me this and like all those
00:31:13
kind of things um because yes I did do
00:31:17
Christian Science and so I didn't have a
00:31:19
strong understanding of even like what
00:31:20
evolution was
00:31:22
and later down the line in college I
00:31:24
also took a science and uh religion
00:31:26
class and that was like crazy because we
00:31:29
talked about like how Evolution and the
00:31:32
Bible can both be true we talked about
00:31:34
like all of these things right that were
00:31:36
just like I had always been like the Ken
00:31:39
Ham boy right like I had just like
00:31:41
watched so many Ken Ham videos and like
00:31:44
was like bought into that whole thing
00:31:45
and so to hear these opposing things was
00:31:47
kind of like I don't want to say it like
00:31:49
wrecked my faith because it didn't but
00:31:51
it definitely opened me up to asking
00:31:52
questions and being comfortable asking
00:31:54
questions and being like okay well maybe
00:31:57
I'm not so sure
00:32:00
so all that to say let's go back to six
00:32:03
days a week
00:32:05
so going to church six days a week okay
00:32:08
three chapels a vbr service um uh church
00:32:13
on Sunday and then usually a college
00:32:15
group uh of some kind that was like
00:32:17
off-campus so four oncampus things two
00:32:20
off-campus things
00:32:23
and I mean I was like serving hard
00:32:28
and these things I mean that that that
00:32:31
church was like a startup church I got
00:32:33
plugged in like literally the first week
00:32:35
of school maybe the second week of
00:32:36
school um we would build this whole
00:32:38
church on Sunday morning inside of a
00:32:40
movie theater do worship run sound
00:32:43
whatever I needed to do like help tear
00:32:45
it all down put it all away in storage
00:32:47
like it I don't know um it was just
00:32:51
doing what I thought I was supposed to
00:32:53
do right was just serve um and yeah and
00:32:57
then ch cple three times a week like
00:32:59
that gets really hard um for anybody
00:33:01
who's done College you know that like
00:33:03
coursework is just really hard sometimes
00:33:07
it's really heavy it was a lot it was a
00:33:09
lot and it it resulted in me just
00:33:10
getting to a point where I was like I
00:33:12
need time for myself I needed time for
00:33:14
me um which I think is really healthy
00:33:16
and really normal for a lot of people so
00:33:18
I just kind of burned out now let's jump
00:33:21
back
00:33:22
into the questioning right the classes
00:33:25
right so I have these professors in
00:33:28
college who are asking me questions
00:33:30
about like Noah is Arc and if it's real
00:33:32
and how much of the Bible is Parable and
00:33:33
how much is truth and how much is
00:33:35
historically accurate and how do we back
00:33:36
these things up right they're College
00:33:38
professors they're just pushing us to
00:33:39
answer questions that's just what they
00:33:41
do right um and I can hear a couple
00:33:45
people I just know the comments
00:33:48
sometimes come when you start to like
00:33:49
question those things right is like
00:33:51
people do this like well that's where
00:33:53
faith comes in stupid or like you know
00:33:56
um you know you have to have faith
00:33:58
things unseen and like how do we know
00:34:00
this is true and you know all all those
00:34:02
types of things
00:34:04
but it was a thread that I wanted to
00:34:06
pull right it was a thread I wanted to
00:34:08
understand more and I wanted to kind of
00:34:10
like I wanted to have a better
00:34:12
understanding of like could you be a
00:34:13
Christian and believe in evolution right
00:34:15
so let's pull that thread could you be a
00:34:17
Christian and believe that like the
00:34:18
story of Noah Arc Noah's Arc is like not
00:34:20
real okay you know pull those threats
00:34:23
right and so just doing lots of research
00:34:28
listening to shows listening to podcasts
00:34:30
listening to scientists um I remember
00:34:34
watching Bill NY uh on YouTube like in
00:34:37
my room just over and over and over
00:34:40
because I don't remember watching Bill n
00:34:41
as a kid
00:34:43
um and
00:34:45
so hearing what he had to say and a lot
00:34:48
of it's really cool I mean it's just
00:34:49
science experiments it's you know how to
00:34:51
blow up a balloon with you know mixing
00:34:53
this with that and you know whatever
00:34:55
else but it was really cool to like
00:34:58
he these like differ opinions and start
00:35:00
to like okay well why do they believe
00:35:02
that where's the proof of that okay and
00:35:04
then compare it to someone like a kenam
00:35:07
one of the best things I think anybody
00:35:08
can go watch if you grew up like me um
00:35:13
if you grew up like me inside of like
00:35:14
the
00:35:15
creationism science bubble
00:35:19
uh kenam has built an arc here in the
00:35:23
it's like in the midwest I think it's in
00:35:24
Kentucky or something like that um
00:35:28
uh bill and I came and visited and they
00:35:31
walked through together and they filmed
00:35:32
the whole thing and they discussed it
00:35:33
and they disagreed on things and um
00:35:36
anyway I think it's really really cool
00:35:38
or if you come from the perspective of
00:35:40
like um more like an evolution
00:35:43
creationism kind of um um creation
00:35:47
Viewpoint I think it's interesting as
00:35:49
well to hear Ken Ham's side of that so
00:35:51
that's a little resources I think it's
00:35:53
on YouTube but yeah go find it kenam and
00:35:55
Bill NY debating it was really
00:35:58
interesting so I also just had all these
00:36:01
questions right and I go to church and
00:36:03
and the thing about church is pastors
00:36:05
speak with such conviction and such
00:36:07
certainty sometimes and that can be
00:36:09
really hard when you're someone who's
00:36:11
doubting a lot of things because you're
00:36:12
going okay I want to trust this person
00:36:14
and I understand that for them they they
00:36:16
firmly believe
00:36:18
this but they don't always necessarily
00:36:21
they're maybe not an expert in it you
00:36:23
know they might also like I was just
00:36:24
kind of be going off of well this is
00:36:27
what my pastor taught me and this is
00:36:28
what my parents told me was correct you
00:36:30
know for a number of years and
00:36:33
so it it just it was a lot it was a
00:36:38
lot and and so I burned out I think I
00:36:41
just had so much religion crammed into
00:36:44
my head from all angles for those three
00:36:47
years that I was in college that I just
00:36:50
was like I can't do this anymore like I
00:36:52
just need like it to stop it's like a
00:36:55
voice in your head that will not shut up
00:36:57
right and you're just like shut up
00:37:00
um
00:37:03
and the only thing I think I can compare
00:37:05
it
00:37:06
to is again in college I leading up to
00:37:10
college I was an Avid Reader right I
00:37:12
read like insane numbers of books um and
00:37:16
that's not to to my own horn that's just
00:37:17
the the reality of what it was like I
00:37:19
read all of Little House in the prairie
00:37:21
like in a week the whole series it's
00:37:23
like seven books it's like a book a day
00:37:24
it's crazy I like devoured books um my
00:37:28
dad could not keep up when I read Lord
00:37:29
of the Rings it was like sorry Dad I
00:37:31
just you know it's like the flash racing
00:37:35
against the turtle like it's you know um
00:37:38
it was crazy so but when I got to
00:37:40
college I could crank through textbooks
00:37:42
so it was good like it was good I had
00:37:44
that skill to be able to really get
00:37:46
through things really quickly but by the
00:37:48
time I got out I was just like I can't
00:37:49
read any more books like I was just like
00:37:50
burned out of this like thought books
00:37:52
were terrible and it took a long time to
00:37:54
really get back the spark of like
00:37:58
okay books I can read again here we are
00:38:00
now 2024 and I'm finally like really
00:38:02
reading again I've read books but I'm
00:38:04
just like really avidly reading um so
00:38:08
it's been a while I graduated in 2017 so
00:38:10
it's it's been a number of years to
00:38:12
fully get it
00:38:13
back
00:38:15
now okay so also when I talk about like
00:38:18
burning out of church that was not me
00:38:21
leaving religion it was not me being
00:38:22
like I'm no longer a Christian nothing
00:38:24
like that it was just it was just me
00:38:26
leaving church I was like I I it's too
00:38:28
much of a commitment for me to do right
00:38:31
now
00:38:32
where I couldn't go to church and not
00:38:34
feel like I had to serve and I knew I
00:38:36
needed to be I I had had lunch with a
00:38:38
pastor who had said you just need to be
00:38:40
in a time of like receiving like you
00:38:42
you've poured out a lot and now you need
00:38:44
to be in a time of receiving and so I
00:38:46
just quit I quit going to church um I
00:38:48
still read my Bible I still identified
00:38:50
as a Christian um but things were like
00:38:54
changing right like I said like I was I
00:38:56
was in addition to reading the Bible I
00:38:58
was also starting to read these other
00:39:00
books and I was starting to listen to uh
00:39:04
experts right scientific experts and
00:39:06
like um kind
00:39:09
of figuring out what I believed right
00:39:14
and this ties into like so what finally
00:39:17
made me like call it quit quits with
00:39:19
Christianity and there's two parts to
00:39:21
this
00:39:21
there's there's the part of Christianity
00:39:24
where I saw people inside of
00:39:26
Christianity not treating other human
00:39:28
beings like human beings um and just
00:39:33
being hateful and disgusting to be quite
00:39:34
honest and then the second part of that
00:39:38
was as I continue to research and ask
00:39:40
questions I got to a place where I
00:39:44
didn't I couldn't believe the Bible was
00:39:48
like accurate and was like truthful to
00:39:53
be honest and so growing up
00:39:57
the Bible was just it was the inherent
00:39:59
word of God it was it was Perfection it
00:40:02
was like you don't doubt it it is
00:40:04
ultimate truth right if you ever wonder
00:40:08
anything you could always rely on the
00:40:10
Bible to be true and
00:40:12
so when I began to question that and and
00:40:15
again that came down to I started to
00:40:18
realize that I was like I don't know
00:40:21
that I believe in like a literal
00:40:23
seven-day creation I believed in like
00:40:25
something different I was like yeah I
00:40:26
can explain it inside the Bible but to
00:40:29
me it was like Evolution over courses of
00:40:32
time but God is a part of it and God has
00:40:34
a hand in it and and it is seven days
00:40:37
technically but it's not seven days it's
00:40:40
millions of years or you know whatever
00:40:41
like I started to have
00:40:43
these differing opinions on what the
00:40:46
Bible was saying there's this thing that
00:40:49
pastors love to
00:40:50
do if you've been to church you know you
00:40:52
know what I'm talking about pastors do
00:40:54
this thing where they go they talk about
00:40:58
like the word love for instance and they
00:40:59
go in the you know if you look back at
00:41:02
the Greek or the Hebrew of of this you
00:41:04
know book right Book of Matthew or
00:41:06
whatever it's this word uh in that and
00:41:10
that can mean it's it's this like
00:41:11
undying love right they go deep on like
00:41:13
it's this word that's bigger than the
00:41:15
word that been translated to
00:41:19
and um one that's like kind of cringey
00:41:22
not going to lie sorry it is um but two
00:41:27
uh
00:41:28
I started to kind of like be interested
00:41:30
in understanding
00:41:32
like how is the bible translated right
00:41:35
so I started listening to these podcasts
00:41:37
with with guys who had worked on these
00:41:39
committees that would translate the
00:41:40
Bible and rewrite them and so like how
00:41:42
is the you know why does the NLT
00:41:44
different than the nsv and why is it
00:41:46
different than King James and like who
00:41:49
is choosing to translate these into
00:41:52
English and then like are we taking the
00:41:54
English translation and translating that
00:41:55
into other languages or are we taking
00:41:57
the original Hebrew and Greek and
00:41:59
translating that into different
00:42:00
languages like how how does all this
00:42:02
work how do we decide like new Bible
00:42:05
translations and all these things right
00:42:08
and so I highly encourage people and I'm
00:42:11
going to try to find some some of the
00:42:13
resources it's been a number of years
00:42:14
since I went down some of this Rabbit
00:42:16
Hole um but I'm going to try to find
00:42:18
some of the resources and put them below
00:42:19
just like people I I would listen to to
00:42:23
kind of like understand where where
00:42:24
these things come from and what
00:42:27
what I was coming to what I was meeting
00:42:29
being met with as I was researching this
00:42:31
was
00:42:32
like like the King James version for
00:42:34
instance is like it's called the King
00:42:37
James version because King James is the
00:42:39
one who had it translated into English
00:42:41
and he had a say in what went in the
00:42:43
Bible right and why certain books are
00:42:45
not included and why they are and you
00:42:47
know again we have disagreements with
00:42:49
other religions right Christianity and
00:42:51
Judaism and uh Mormonism and latterday
00:42:54
Saints they all kind of share
00:42:57
similarities um and similar books we
00:43:02
disagree on some things um people are
00:43:04
not going to like that I just lumped all
00:43:06
those together uh I don't blame you uh
00:43:09
but but there is a shared commonality
00:43:12
even Islam right there's a shared
00:43:14
commonality sometimes with the readings
00:43:17
of those texts and the understanding of
00:43:18
those texts right and they just differ
00:43:20
in you know books and things like that
00:43:22
so
00:43:23
anyway I uh I digress a little bit but
00:43:26
the King James version and learning
00:43:27
about that and really understanding what
00:43:29
was going on and why was he doing this
00:43:30
and how was he using his influence to
00:43:33
twist what was being said in the Bible
00:43:35
so he could do things that he wanted to
00:43:37
do and so then you get to you start to
00:43:40
question right again it goes back to
00:43:42
this question you of like can I trust
00:43:44
the Bible because it's obviously been
00:43:47
[ __ ] up by man uh it's been it's been
00:43:50
bastardized to be quite honest um and
00:43:54
words that mean one thing have have
00:43:56
taken on new meaning
00:43:58
um you know it was it it's like in my
00:44:00
grandpa's lifetime that like
00:44:02
homosexuality even like entered the
00:44:05
Bible um as far as like certain language
00:44:08
goes right
00:44:11
and that's crazy to me so I I don't know
00:44:14
just like understanding where that
00:44:16
translation came from really I think it
00:44:19
blew the doors open uh for me to kind of
00:44:21
be like I I really just question this a
00:44:24
lot now to go back to that first thing I
00:44:26
me
00:44:29
was seeing Christians not act like
00:44:32
Christians towards other people
00:44:35
and this was
00:44:37
something I had
00:44:41
seen early early on in high school uh
00:44:44
junior high even and I saw to myself
00:44:51
um how do how do I want to say
00:44:55
I when I was 13 to 15 we've talked about
00:44:58
the red pants on the show we talked
00:44:59
about the red pants how cringy they were
00:45:01
I liked bright colored clothing okay I
00:45:03
had pink shirts I had purple shirts
00:45:04
purple was my favorite color it's been
00:45:06
for a long time um I liked wearing
00:45:09
bright colors um and when I was going to
00:45:12
Hawaii Valley Baptist I would wear I had
00:45:13
this like pink shirt and I had a couple
00:45:15
other shirts that were they were just
00:45:16
fun they had just fun patterns and
00:45:18
they're bright and obnoxious and
00:45:20
whatever and I remember this lady coming
00:45:22
up to me after church and just blatantly
00:45:25
asking me if I was gay and I was like no
00:45:28
because being gay was a sin that's what
00:45:30
I grew up believing and I was really
00:45:34
like taking back I don't like I just
00:45:36
remember saying no and then just like we
00:45:38
moved on from that conversation it was
00:45:39
just like over it was like a done deal
00:45:42
but it sat with me for so long because I
00:45:44
was like wait what like the way I
00:45:46
dress makes me gay which felt weird and
00:45:50
then also like if I
00:45:54
was what like what were you going to do
00:45:58
about it I I don't really know like and
00:45:59
I don't know because that person I
00:46:01
wasn't so there there was no action
00:46:03
taken after that point
00:46:06
but I say that to say that in high
00:46:09
school and then especially in
00:46:12
college I was around people who we
00:46:15
didn't talk about these things when
00:46:18
homosexuality came up it was like just
00:46:22
kind of this like Abomination it was
00:46:24
this thing that was just not okay um I
00:46:28
don't think anybody was equipped to talk
00:46:29
about it
00:46:31
um and
00:46:32
[Music]
00:46:34
so so we just didn't we just didn't we
00:46:37
made gay jokes and and stuff like that
00:46:40
and we just yeah we just didn't to be
00:46:43
quite honest and when I got college is
00:46:45
when I really I think started to see
00:46:47
like hatred towards lgbtq I saw racism
00:46:50
for the first time I moved from
00:46:52
California to St Louis area um right
00:46:55
over the Border in Illinois
00:46:58
and I was like two towns over from a
00:47:00
town that had like an active clue clux
00:47:02
clan um and would go shopping with like
00:47:06
I went shopping with uh a friend who was
00:47:09
black and like literally he got called
00:47:11
like the n-word and like all kinds of
00:47:13
things by just just white people and it
00:47:15
was just wild it was just like this
00:47:17
weird experience and again I know some
00:47:19
people will say like oh well those
00:47:20
people you don't know if they're
00:47:21
Christians or
00:47:23
not that's true to some degree but
00:47:28
I saw what I started to realize was I
00:47:30
saw the people around me who were quote
00:47:36
unquote Christians right who claimed to
00:47:38
to love God and and and want to emulate
00:47:40
Jesus and everything that they do and
00:47:42
then when it come to oh let's invite
00:47:45
like you know this gay guy over they
00:47:48
just like were super weird about it and
00:47:51
super uncomfortable and they didn't want
00:47:52
anything to do with that person and they
00:47:54
struggled to like let them into any
00:47:56
church type activity and like all these
00:47:58
things and I just like I don't know it
00:48:01
just gives you an icky feeling right
00:48:03
it's just when you're reading the Bible
00:48:04
and you read about the fact that like
00:48:07
Jesus sat at a table with like the worst
00:48:08
of the worst people and he had
00:48:10
conversation with them and you know he
00:48:12
laughed and they drank together and they
00:48:15
hung out right not to say they were
00:48:17
friends but they were friendly
00:48:20
and I wasn't I didn't see that emulated
00:48:23
and so it was just this massive turnoff
00:48:25
to like Christianity
00:48:28
um and then as I got older I started to
00:48:30
see my friends that I had grown up with
00:48:32
as they started
00:48:33
[Music]
00:48:35
to I I think we started to like sexually
00:48:38
awaken to some degree um and come into
00:48:41
our own and the people who who stepped
00:48:44
into being gay or being bisexual or
00:48:47
being a lesbian or or transitioning or
00:48:49
whatever it was um how they were
00:48:53
received by friends was like really
00:48:57
apparent um it was apparent who the
00:49:00
people were who were like yeah we're
00:49:02
still friends let's go like let's have
00:49:04
fun you know let me ask questions you
00:49:05
know let me be inquisitive and try to
00:49:08
understand better and know how to not be
00:49:10
offensive right people were growing and
00:49:12
then other people were just stuck in the
00:49:14
same way of being like this is an
00:49:15
Abomination and you know how could you
00:49:18
ever be a Christian kind of a thing and
00:49:21
so that's really those two things really
00:49:25
I think
00:49:28
they they put the nail in the coffin of
00:49:29
me being like I
00:49:31
don't I can't believe in this anymore um
00:49:35
and I don't see this as
00:49:37
healthy now I'm not here to judge and to
00:49:40
say that you're one of those Christians
00:49:43
um I know plenty of Christian people who
00:49:46
I think are very loving um and and I
00:49:49
know Christian people who are not I say
00:49:51
all these this is my experience these
00:49:53
are the things that I've seen in my life
00:49:56
and
00:49:57
and they're what got me to where I am
00:49:58
today so what do I believe today I guess
00:50:01
what what did this all lead to what did
00:50:02
I eventually decide on I really for a
00:50:06
while I think I went down the atheist
00:50:07
rabbit hole and being like there is no
00:50:09
God right
00:50:11
and I don't sit there today I I I say
00:50:15
that I'm agnostic and what I mean by
00:50:19
that my definition is that I think I
00:50:22
don't believe in the god of the
00:50:24
Bible but I also don't
00:50:27
I don't believe that there's like not
00:50:29
nothing out there right like there's
00:50:31
something bigger and
00:50:33
and arguably greater than us out there I
00:50:37
don't know if it's a God if it's Gods if
00:50:39
it's aliens it's just like a different
00:50:42
realm right different dimension the
00:50:43
fourth
00:50:44
dimension
00:50:47
um yeah I don't know I don't know what
00:50:49
it is and I'm like and I choose to be
00:50:51
comfortable in that like in that
00:50:53
questioning of
00:50:55
like what is it what could it be right
00:50:59
um uh there's a great Duo on YouTube uh
00:51:04
R link um they have a podcast called
00:51:07
earbiscuits and they did a whole series
00:51:10
of their deconstruction journey and they
00:51:11
do these checkups every year and they
00:51:13
talk about things that they um have just
00:51:16
learned and where they are where they
00:51:17
sit um and one of them calls themselves
00:51:21
uh a hopeful agnostic I guess is um the
00:51:26
way he puts it and what he means by that
00:51:28
is that he's like I kind of he's like I
00:51:32
hope that there's something out there I
00:51:34
hope that there's something bigger and
00:51:35
then I think where I sit too it would be
00:51:37
a lot easier for me to believe in the
00:51:39
god of the Bible and to have kind of
00:51:40
this certainty of like what happens
00:51:42
after death and you know and if you're a
00:51:44
good person you go to heaven and like
00:51:46
all these things right it's like
00:51:48
I I'm jealous honestly of people who
00:51:51
have that still um cuz I don't and it's
00:51:54
sometimes really scary the scary iest
00:51:57
part for me when I decided to not be a
00:51:59
Christian any longer
00:52:01
was quite honestly telling my
00:52:04
parents
00:52:06
and I didn't think that they would
00:52:09
abandon me or anything like that I just
00:52:12
it was just hard I can only compare it
00:52:14
to like somebody coming out to their
00:52:16
parents and I know that's probably a
00:52:17
terrible comparison and I'm sorry if uh
00:52:20
if I'm offending you I I'm but as far as
00:52:25
my understanding of just like the
00:52:27
emotions that run through you when you
00:52:29
do something like that it was like the
00:52:30
one of the hardest things to sit down
00:52:32
and be like I don't believe in this
00:52:35
anymore and I know it made them
00:52:38
sad
00:52:41
um but it has opened up so many cool
00:52:44
conversations to be had about
00:52:48
just why things are the way they are
00:52:51
right and why do we believe the things
00:52:53
that we
00:52:54
believe and
00:52:57
we disagree on on a lot and that's okay
00:53:00
um and I know that they pray for me
00:53:03
every day um and I'm thankful for that
00:53:06
but the thing that was important and the
00:53:07
thing I was scared about when I came
00:53:10
when I came out to them when I uh when I
00:53:13
told them was the fact I I still even
00:53:15
though I didn't think that they would
00:53:17
just abandon me and like leave me out to
00:53:19
dry R be say I want nothing to do with
00:53:21
you I still there was still this like
00:53:24
you know fear that I was losing that
00:53:26
because one of the things that
00:53:28
Christianity brings into your life and
00:53:30
holds for you is this
00:53:32
community it's like built-in Community
00:53:34
that's what we do right as a church we
00:53:36
live life together right that's like a
00:53:39
thing that gets said a lot
00:53:42
and when I left I just lost that I just
00:53:45
like didn't have that anymore I didn't
00:53:46
even feel safe around like a lot of the
00:53:48
friends I had
00:53:51
because they were still in it and I
00:53:54
didn't know how they were going to react
00:53:55
to that experience that that questioning
00:54:00
right
00:54:01
um I think what I really want this
00:54:04
episode to nail home for people if
00:54:07
anything one is one just get this off my
00:54:09
chest but
00:54:11
two I would hope that people would take
00:54:13
from
00:54:14
this that it's okay to question things
00:54:18
it's okay to be different it's okay to
00:54:20
believe different things and it's it's
00:54:23
okay to like have discussion around it
00:54:25
in a civilized way
00:54:27
and to be open to the fact that like
00:54:29
maybe I'm wrong or maybe do some
00:54:31
research um in topics that you feel
00:54:35
uncomfortable about and try to
00:54:38
understand I think there's a lot of fear
00:54:41
inside of Christianity inside of
00:54:43
religion
00:54:44
itself
00:54:46
um about this like losing control right
00:54:50
this
00:54:51
like well if they start to pull like I
00:54:54
talked about pulling the thread right
00:54:55
following the thread it's
00:54:58
like if if they start to do that then
00:55:01
like the whole thing
00:55:03
unravels
00:55:08
um and I I just I think I disagree with
00:55:10
that I don't think the whole thing on
00:55:12
ravels and
00:55:15
and it just changes is what it is and
00:55:19
some people might end up like me right
00:55:21
who are agnostic and other people might
00:55:23
still remain Christians or Christ
00:55:25
followers or or who knows maybe they'll
00:55:27
go to other religions I don't really
00:55:28
know but
00:55:30
like I guess what I'm trying to say is
00:55:32
like don't be scared to ask the dumb
00:55:34
questions
00:55:36
because and and and to ask hard
00:55:38
questions and to be scared of asking
00:55:40
questions like I I like it's okay it's
00:55:43
okay to be scared of asking questions I
00:55:45
would come home from like listening to a
00:55:47
podcast about deconstruction and being
00:55:49
like I think I believe this and it was
00:55:51
terrifying for me I was like I don't
00:55:53
want this I have journal entry after
00:55:54
journal entry of being like I'm Losing
00:55:56
My Religion and it's like terrifying to
00:56:00
me um because I felt like I was losing
00:56:03
everything I was losing my
00:56:05
identity out of that had to come a new
00:56:08
like building a new identity of who I
00:56:11
was as a person and I I I think there's
00:56:14
this
00:56:15
fear no I know I don't think I know that
00:56:19
there is this fear inside of
00:56:22
churchgoers that when you lose your
00:56:24
religion you
00:56:27
lose the good part of you because we're
00:56:30
told that it's only through God that you
00:56:32
can do good things it's only because of
00:56:34
this that you can do good things it's
00:56:36
only because of you know
00:56:39
whatever
00:56:41
and I'm going to get a lot of shift for
00:56:43
this but I'm going to say it anyways I
00:56:45
choose to believe that people I grew up
00:56:47
believing that people were inherently
00:56:48
bad and they needed God to be good I
00:56:51
have changed my stance on that and I
00:56:52
believe that people are inherently good
00:56:55
I believe that people
00:56:57
are
00:56:58
hurting and they make
00:57:01
mistakes um but ultimately I think
00:57:04
people want to do good and want to see
00:57:06
other people succeed I don't know I
00:57:08
could be wrong prove me
00:57:10
wrong I'm trying to think where to wrap
00:57:12
this to be honest I feel like I could go
00:57:14
another tangent I feel like I'm a little
00:57:16
spirally right now and I apologize for
00:57:18
that I hope this has made sense um I
00:57:21
guess that's what I'll leave it with I
00:57:22
hope this this made sense um
00:57:26
let me check my notes we're scrolling
00:57:29
through we're asking
00:57:32
okay I guess I'll leave you with
00:57:36
this if this is you if you've got
00:57:38
questions if
00:57:40
you had significant shifts in your
00:57:43
belief system like and you want to share
00:57:45
them like it doesn't have to be on the
00:57:47
show it can literally just be in private
00:57:49
but if you I I would love to know I
00:57:52
think I talked about losing the
00:57:54
community element of church
00:57:57
is really scary and it wasn't until
00:58:01
honestly probably this year maybe last
00:58:04
year a little bit that I started to
00:58:06
really build that back this three plus
00:58:09
years of me feeling isolated and alone
00:58:13
and with no Community um and I'm
00:58:17
building it back it's it's coming it's
00:58:19
slow but it's it's coming and
00:58:23
um yeah so
00:58:26
just know if you feel like
00:58:28
me uh You're Not Alone um and like I
00:58:32
said if you have an experience a similar
00:58:35
experience or your beliefs or your
00:58:36
worldview are shifting or changing or
00:58:39
being different or maybe they're the
00:58:40
same I don't know and you want to talk
00:58:41
about it let's talk about it I'm I'm
00:58:43
always open so you can do that if you
00:58:46
got questions about the show you got
00:58:47
questions about me you got questions
00:58:48
about whatever you know you can email me
00:58:50
exhs [email protected]
00:58:53
uh Instagram DMS are open exhs Club um
00:58:59
let me know I want to I want to hear
00:59:01
your stories I hope this wasn't too
00:59:03
rambly I apologize if it was hopefully I
00:59:05
can edit and clean it up and make it
00:59:07
sound more polished but it's just Raw
00:59:10
it's the real me it's the real me
00:59:12
processing and thinking through these
00:59:13
things and doing this show has opened up
00:59:16
some of that can of worms again and
00:59:18
so what I'm saying is I'm here I'm kind
00:59:21
of on the other side of some of it some
00:59:22
of the really hard nasty stuff of of
00:59:25
losing my religion
00:59:28
and I want to be there for you um if
00:59:32
possible again I ask you if you got
00:59:34
something to say if you disagree with me
00:59:36
that's fine be kind right it it doesn't
00:59:39
cost anything to be nice um if you want
00:59:42
to have discussion around it let's do it
00:59:44
um yeah okay I'm going to stop rambling
00:59:48
I hope you guys have a very merry
00:59:49
Christmas happy holidays if you
00:59:51
celebrate any of the other holidays that
00:59:52
are happening uh in this time of the
00:59:54
year I hope you are with loved ones with
00:59:56
friends with family with whatever it
00:59:58
might be um and enjoy enjoy the season
01:00:02
enjoy the time enjoy the break that
01:00:04
we're going to take um if you're really
01:00:06
really missing the show it's okay
01:00:08
there's 20 other episodes you can go
01:00:10
back and listen to um we're going to be
01:00:13
back very very soon whole new cast of
01:00:16
people we got 80s and 90s kids coming on
01:00:18
I have an actual therapist coming on um
01:00:21
I have a sex expert coming on um uh I've
01:00:25
got homeschool kids from other parts of
01:00:27
the country not just California coming
01:00:29
on it's going to be fun we've got some
01:00:30
really cool stuff planned for this
01:00:32
upcoming year I hope you stick around I
01:00:34
hope you hit that subscribe I hope you
01:00:36
share the show with your friends and uh
01:00:38
yeah so until next year this has been
01:00:40
the exom schoolers club I'm your host
01:00:42
Jacob goodon and we'll see you all right
01:00:44
peace
01:00:52
[Music]
01:00:58
[Music]
