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[Music]
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Alyssa, we're back. You're back. Round
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two. Hi. How's it going? It's been uh a
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little while since we chatted. And uh
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I'm stoked to have you back. We're going
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to chat. We're not going to talk so much
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about your Well, we will talk about your
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homeschool experience, but not in the
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way that we did before. Uh with like the
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history. If you listeners, if you want
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to go hear that, go back. I don't know
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what the number is, but I'll make sure
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it's linked down in the show notes
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before. But we t I chatted with Alyssa
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before about like her homeschool
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upbringing and the wildness that ensued.
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But today we are going to talk about uh
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autism. We're going to talk kind of
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about some neurode diverency. We're
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going to talk about different things
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like that and kind of like growing up
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and being around people who are just a
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little bit different than us. They're
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wired a little bit different. So Alyssa,
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I'm going to let me let me just ask the
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dumb question. What is autism? How does
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it affect people? Like what's the
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spectrum? What is like what is it? Give
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me give me the the the brain dump there.
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Yeah, sure. So autism it is a
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neurological development dis
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developmental disorder and basically
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what it does is our brains uh they have
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different sections that are made for
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different things like one part of the
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brain is for motor skills another part
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is for language another part is for
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emotions
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um anything that has to do with the mind
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it's in the brain obviously but with
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people with autism or people who are on
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the spectrum, those parts of the brain
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formed differently during
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um when they were in in development. And
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it's not something that is caused by
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environmental factors. It's not
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something
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that
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is it's not something that's
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preventable. It's genetic and it can be
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caused
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by I think one one way to kind of
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explain it at a basic level is everyone
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has coding in their DNA and there's a
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sequence of how your DNA is supposed to
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go. Sometimes um during like the the
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development process like when your you
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know your parents get pregnant with you
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and you're developing the womb you DNA
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replicates sometimes it doesn't
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replicate the way it's supposed to.
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Sometimes
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um a piece of that information can be
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duplicated. It could be replaced with
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something else or it can be deleted. And
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because of um those mutations, it causes
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the brain to develop a little
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differently. And so because of that,
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people with autism or ADHD,
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um just to name a few, they they see the
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world differently. They don't see it in
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the same way that someone with a typical
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neurotypical brain sees it. And so
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because of that, it impacts our
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relationships. impacts the way we
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communicate or the way we feel things.
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And even though it's different, it
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doesn't make you it doesn't make the
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person with autism any less of a person.
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It doesn't make them um it doesn't make
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them stupid. It doesn't make them naive.
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It just means that they see the world
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through a different lens. And honestly,
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if more people understood that and
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accepted
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it, then just we as humans could
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progress so much further
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by valuing the minds that don't fit into
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the typical boxes that um we are taught
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like oh
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um I'm sorry, is this is this making
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sense? Yeah. No, it totally it totally
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is. And I was I was going to say like
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the reason I wanted to have you on to
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talk about this is you are someone who
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who has autism and and I wanted to ask
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kind of maybe like your when did when
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did you find out that you were autistic
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and and get diagnosed with that? Yeah.
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So fun funny funny thing is I actually
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was never diagnosed. Um however I did
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study child development for two years
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and then I also um you know I studied
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education. I was trained in how to
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identify children with special needs
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like what some of what signs of
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developmental delays
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um to look for in a child that could be
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on the spectrum. And um for me, I showed
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a lot of signs of developmental delays
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when I was growing up. But because I was
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homeschooled and didn't have access to
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professionals, it just went undiagnosed.
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And rather than recognizing that it was
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um something different with my brain, I
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was constantly told like, "Oh, you're
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uncooperative. You're stupid."
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um just like a the way that people
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approached me. It was like it was like a
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flaw with my character. And um on top of
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that, I always had issues like
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struggling to fit in or like
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understanding like what's appropriate to
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say in public, what's not appropriate to
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say. And um because of that, I was I
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really did not have a lot of friends
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when I was growing up. You know, I had
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people who would like say surface level
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that they were my friends, but then
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like, you know, I would just like speak
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my mind about whatever and they just
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kind of like ostracize me a bit. And
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then um like for some just to give some
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like very like basic examples, I didn't
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start speaking until I was four years
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old. So, you know, most uh children will
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say their first words like mama or dada.
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um when they're at least a few months
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old. I did not have any of that at all.
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I could only like scream and yell and
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um some other signs that I showed was
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like biting
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like children on the spectrum. A lot of
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them can be biters. Um, and I say this
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because um, I have spent the two weeks
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uh, work past two weeks working in a
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special ed class where I had to deal
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with a lot of biters.
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Um, and then there's just like al also
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other signs like for me I I mean you
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might notice but like I tend to look
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away from like the camera a lot uh,
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because like I can't handle eye contact.
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It freaks me out.
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Um, and I also tend to like kind of be
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more monotone. Like for me, like if I'm
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being really expressive with you, like
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while interacting, it's because I have
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to think about what face what facial
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expressions I have to make. Like, oh,
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like right now is the time I have to nod
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and say mhm to make it like seem like
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I'm listening or I have to like stare at
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your forehead to like let you know that
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I'm listening. reality is if I'm doing
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all those things, I'm probably not
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actually listening because I'm trying so
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hard to make it seem like I'm listening
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because I have to act like when most
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people talk like they you naturally make
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facial expressions, you naturally nod
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like you're nodding right now. Um, and
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that like those are just things that
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come naturally to you. But since uh like
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the part of me that's listening and the
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part of my facial expressions
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don't automatically work together, I
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have to like manually think about it in
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my head like, "Okay, I'm going to I'm
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going to nod. I'm going to be like,
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uh-huh. Yeah." Yeah.
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um which is a sign of uh masking, which
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um I don't know if you've ever heard the
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term before, but masking is
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like
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when a person on the spectrum forces
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themselves to display certain behaviors
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in order to blend in with neurotypical
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people, right? Makes sense, right? It's
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like you want to fit in, you know, you
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want to match the energies and things
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like that. It's it's interesting. I
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hadn't really
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thought much
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about like autism and and and things
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like that in in the sense of like it's I
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don't want to say it's always been
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normal to me, but I had so many friends
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growing up that were like we were all
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just different. I had a I had a sibling
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with ADHD. I had like I had friends who
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were autistic. I had friends who had
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Down syndrome. I had friends like just
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anything and everything you could think
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of at dyslexia and dcalcula and like all
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the different whatever. And
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so and I I I want to say I don't know
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that I did this perfect so I don't want
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to like totally pat myself on the back
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for this but like I didn't I just kind
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of viewed it I view it now in particular
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as like we were all just really unique
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and different and we learned how to like
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get along with each other. And like I
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remember having a friend who I'm trying
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to remember if he was autistic or if he
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had asberers. I I'm I'm blanking on what
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it was, but he was it was difficult to
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be his friend because he would just his
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mood swings were crazy and like he would
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just like he didn't always have the
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skills to like have that conversation
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with you and when he was done he would
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just like leave, right? And like um and
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so it was weird. It was like a weird
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thing to navigate at first because it
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was like, well, why is he doing this?
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Why is he acting this way, right? And
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what we came to know was like as as he
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shared with us like, well, this is how
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my brain works and I get overwhelmed and
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so I need to leave and I need to be on
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my own. Okay, that's not a problem. And
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especially because like his parents were
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cool with us being at his house. So,
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it's like he could have all his friends
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over. We could be playing video games,
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watching a movie, being stupid, being
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boys. And he's like, "Okay, I'm done.
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I'm tapping out." He goes to his room
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and does what he does, whatever. And his
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parents, it wasn't like the party's
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over. It was just like, "Hey, you guys
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continue like the night's not over. You
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guys do your thing. And when and if he
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wants to come back and join you, he'll
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come back and join you." And so these
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things kind of became normalized in the
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sense of like, and like I said, I also
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had friends who had Down syndrome. So
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that and that's a whole another can of
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worms of like how um how you interact
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with people and how you understand how
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they operate and how to communicate with
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them and things like that. And so I
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think there was this level of patience
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that got taught to me when I was a kid
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and in high school and stuff where I was
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like, "Okay, like everyone is just
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unique and different and you have to
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learn how people operate and like you
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just kind of have to be okay with that
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and show patience and and grace and
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mercy, right, to those people to kind of
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be like, "Okay, where are you at? Like
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let me talk to you. Like I can tell
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you're upset or whatever." Um, but
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that's not the case for everybody. A lot
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of people have that like they kind of
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like they ignore or they like live in
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denial that like these things are real,
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right? That people's brains are wired
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differently. Um, and so I think that's
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it's something I'm learning more now as
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I'm as we're watching the world um view
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autism uh through the lens of our
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political system now. But
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but I don't know what my question is
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here. I'm to be honest I'm kind of
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blanking but but I think it's
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um it's
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interesting do you have a point where
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you kind of was it through school that
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you went like okay now like I get it
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like I'm autistic that's like where it
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clicked for you or had you kind of had
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suspicions before that if that makes
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sense like I know I'm kind of asking the
00:12:06
same question I already asked but like
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was there a point where you like it
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literally was like light bulb moment
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like oh I got it like this is the thing.
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Yeah. So, I I always knew that I was
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different in some way um growing up, but
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I never understood why. And so, because
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of that, I would just constantly beat
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myself up over it. Yeah. And it kind of
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turned into this
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like it turned into low selfworth
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because it's like okay like
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um people didn't want to be my friend
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because I was weird or um because like I
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would just like emotionally shut down if
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I was over stimulated and it took it to
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like oh she's just being a brat right
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now. she's just she just wants to be a
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problem. Um, but in reality, I was
00:13:03
just I didn't know how to communicate my
00:13:06
needs at the time because I wasn't told
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that my needs were legitimate. Um, and
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that it was just
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uh me just being a bad person. Yeah.
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Um but then like when I started studying
00:13:23
child development and you know studying
00:13:24
the signs of like okay this is what a
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neurotypical um child looks like this is
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how they will behave um these are the
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certain signs um like I don't know if
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you've ever heard of Sigman and Freud um
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but those are two very well-known
00:13:40
psychologists who talk about human
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development and child development and
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kind of what is expected at each stage
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of life.
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Um but when the child like doesn't
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follow
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those stereotypical stages that you can
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expect to see at certain ages, um then
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that would be those would be the signs
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that like okay maybe it's time to get
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evaluated. And so, um, one of the most
00:14:12
common tools that can, it's not a tool I
00:14:16
would say like, oh, if you do this and
00:14:19
you score a certain way, then you
00:14:20
definitely have autism. But it's, it's a
00:14:22
good first step in getting that
00:14:25
diagnosis and kind of understanding like
00:14:28
what's normal, what's not normal. And
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this is called the RADS test. Um, I'm
00:14:34
not sure if you ever heard of it, but
00:14:35
basically um like you can search it up
00:14:38
online
00:14:39
and it it tests it's like a
00:14:42
questionnaire that scores you in
00:14:45
different sections of thinking like your
00:14:47
relationships, your uh pattern
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recognition or hobbies or habits, all
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that stuff.
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And it's if you score under 60, you're
00:14:59
most likely not you're most likely
00:15:02
neurotypical. But if you score above
00:15:07
60, then it could be they'll say like,
00:15:10
okay, like, yeah, this could be a sign
00:15:11
you have autism. And then it'll kind of
00:15:13
break down your scores into showing like
00:15:17
what thinking patterns are most
00:15:19
associated with like what type of autism
00:15:22
or like what type of uh or it could show
00:15:24
like sense of dyslexia or
00:15:27
ADHD. Um so that's a really good first
00:15:31
place to start. Um because if you do
00:15:34
that then it can either kind of like
00:15:38
reaffirm suspicions of potentially
00:15:40
having autism and it can like lead you
00:15:42
on the path of getting professionally
00:15:44
diagnosed. And so like I said um the if
00:15:48
you're if you score above
00:15:50
60 chances are you may be autistic. I
00:15:54
scored a 147. So I'm like okay this is
00:15:57
definitely a sign. But unfortunately
00:16:00
since I didn't have like you know I'm 24
00:16:04
years old living in California as a
00:16:06
substitute teacher I don't make a lot of
00:16:09
money and so because of that I don't
00:16:11
have the resources I need to get
00:16:14
professionally diagnosed but
00:16:16
unfortunately because of the current um
00:16:19
climate like with RFK creating a autism
00:16:23
registry it's probably safer for me now
00:16:26
that I never got diagnosed which is so
00:16:31
unfortunate cuz on one hand I would have
00:16:34
loved to have been um formerly
00:16:36
diagnosed. I would have loved to know
00:16:39
exactly
00:16:41
what like what parts of me that were not
00:16:45
considered normal and be able to get the
00:16:47
resources I needed
00:16:50
um to to kind of navigate those
00:16:53
different areas of my developmental
00:16:55
delays. But at the same
00:16:59
time, like I said, it's probably like as
00:17:02
of now in my best interest that I was
00:17:04
never diagnosed officially. Yeah. No, I
00:17:08
Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. Is is
00:17:11
autism like is it a spectrum of like
00:17:15
because I I know I I know people who are
00:17:18
autistic who
00:17:20
are like fully functioning very
00:17:23
independent yourself included who like
00:17:26
they can do life on their own and I also
00:17:28
know people who are almost like
00:17:31
nonverbal like very severe case of
00:17:35
autism so to speak but is it is it
00:17:38
labeled on a spectrum or is there a way
00:17:39
of grading being like where you sit on
00:17:41
it, do you know? Um, yeah, that's a
00:17:44
great question. So, yeah, it is a
00:17:47
spectrum. Okay.
00:17:48
Um, but there are like different levels
00:17:52
of needs. So, there's like high
00:17:53
functioning autism, autistic people. So,
00:17:56
like people who are able to live on
00:17:57
their own, uh, have relationships, uh,
00:18:02
have jobs.
00:18:05
Um so basically they can
00:18:08
survive among neurotypical people but
00:18:11
there are people who are on the lower
00:18:14
end of spec who are on the other end of
00:18:17
the spectrum who are higher need. So
00:18:20
there are like there'll be people who
00:18:22
are 50 years old and they have autism
00:18:24
and they're still living with their
00:18:26
families because they need that support.
00:18:29
um like some like I so with my special
00:18:32
ed class I have about I want to say 11
00:18:36
students and I have some students who
00:18:40
are very high functioning they're able
00:18:42
to have conversations they're able to
00:18:44
use the bathroom on their own um they're
00:18:47
able to
00:18:48
read a bit because it's kindergarten and
00:18:52
then I have students on the other end of
00:18:55
the spectrum who can't communicate at
00:18:57
all they have to wear pampers. Um,
00:19:01
and they are just
00:19:04
higher they they need more support in
00:19:08
order to live like a normal life.
00:19:11
um how and then there's like also um
00:19:15
Angelman syndrome which um I don't know
00:19:19
how much you know about it but I know
00:19:20
there was one family
00:19:23
um I'm not going to name them just for
00:19:24
like their own privacy um who had a
00:19:27
daughter with Angelman syndrome and so
00:19:30
for her that included seizures
00:19:33
um being
00:19:34
nonverbal uh couldn't walk on her
00:19:40
own. But that didn't change the fact
00:19:44
that she was still a person. It didn't
00:19:46
change the fact that, you know, even
00:19:48
though she can't communicate in the ways
00:19:51
that we can understand.
00:19:54
She still has her own thoughts, she
00:19:58
still
00:20:00
um she can still feel like it's not just
00:20:05
because like someone's outward
00:20:09
abilities don't match what other like
00:20:11
neurotypical people doesn't mean that
00:20:13
they're any less of a person. doesn't
00:20:14
mean that they have any less value,
00:20:16
right? It just means they need a little
00:20:19
help. And in all honesty, like we all
00:20:22
need help at some point in our lives.
00:20:24
And just for some people, it's more
00:20:26
longterm than others. I think it's
00:20:28
really one of the things I found most
00:20:30
interesting and and kind of specifically
00:20:34
this last year of my life, but even
00:20:36
before that, I just I hadn't even
00:20:37
recognized it, but like being an
00:20:40
entrepreneur and and meeting other
00:20:42
entrepreneurs, working in the podcasting
00:20:44
arena, I I meet a lot of people. I
00:20:46
network. I also get to hear a lot of
00:20:47
interviews with people. And what I've
00:20:50
learned is
00:20:53
that entrepreneurs tend to be people who
00:20:56
think very differently than the average
00:20:58
person. Um, and it's it's something in
00:21:01
the wiring, whether that is like neurody
00:21:03
diverency or it's just their personality
00:21:06
or whatever, but like they do they
00:21:08
operate completely different. And it's
00:21:10
been interesting because this past year
00:21:12
I feel like more and more of the
00:21:13
entrepreneurs that I'm meeting are
00:21:15
really vocal about the fact that they're
00:21:17
like, I have ADHD. I have dyslexia. I'm
00:21:20
autistic. I'm I'm XYZ. Right? They're
00:21:24
they're they're kind of claiming it,
00:21:26
right, as like this this kind of like
00:21:28
ownership identity thing. And they're
00:21:30
like, "That is what sets me in my
00:21:32
business. That's part of what sets me in
00:21:34
my business apart because we approach
00:21:36
this in a different way than anybody
00:21:39
else would." Um, and so it it's been
00:21:43
kind of this like fascinating thing to
00:21:45
be kind of a peer to some of these
00:21:48
people. in a way. Um because I'm like I
00:21:52
some of the some of these people I've
00:21:53
known for a while. I've known for a
00:21:55
number of years and I
00:21:56
never my brain's just stupid. I guess I
00:21:59
just never put it together that I'm
00:22:01
like, "Oh, they are like this way." Like
00:22:02
I'm just like, "Oh, that's just so and
00:22:04
so, right? They're just that's just
00:22:05
their quirkiness." Um and then this past
00:22:07
year of them kind of being more vocal
00:22:09
about the fact they're like, "No, I
00:22:10
think this way and that's why my
00:22:13
business has succeeded because we
00:22:15
operate differently." It goes to your
00:22:17
point of like autistic people are
00:22:20
they're people too, right? And also as
00:22:22
you go down that that spectrum into
00:22:24
people who cannot care for themselves
00:22:26
like I I also had friends who yeah had
00:22:30
siblings that that couldn't care for
00:22:31
themselves but they were still people
00:22:33
and the the joy and the happiness that
00:22:35
they would bring to their family's lives
00:22:38
and their friends lives. It's just in a
00:22:40
different way. the value that they add
00:22:42
to the world is different than like the
00:22:46
value that you or I add to the world.
00:22:49
It's not that they're not bringing
00:22:51
value, it's just not the type of it's
00:22:53
not the same value, if that makes sense.
00:22:55
Like, and I don't want to discount it in
00:22:57
any way, but it's just it it's been I
00:23:00
don't know. I've been thinking a lot
00:23:01
more about that recently of like, wow, I
00:23:04
actually did have this kind of diverse
00:23:05
experience of knowing all these people
00:23:07
who I viewed them all as people, but
00:23:10
they just we all brought something
00:23:11
different to the table and we could all
00:23:13
like we shared that we had like humanity
00:23:16
is what we shared in common. We're all
00:23:17
humans. We're all like we have these
00:23:19
things. Um I don't know. I I it's
00:23:23
just to your point about like RFK, it's
00:23:26
like right now
00:23:27
we're in this strange battle of
00:23:32
like what is value, what is human value,
00:23:36
and what do we bring to the table, what
00:23:38
do we add, and and things like that. And
00:23:39
it's
00:23:40
very it's hard to hear someone get up on
00:23:43
stage and say things like, you know,
00:23:45
autistic people will never pay taxes and
00:23:47
they'll never basically contribute to
00:23:49
society in any way. It's like that's
00:23:51
just
00:23:53
Um, and it's And we know it's
00:23:55
because you and I have both
00:23:58
experienced people who we see the value
00:24:00
that they've brought to the table of
00:24:02
just being who they are regardless of
00:24:06
whether they can work a job or not, you
00:24:08
know. So for those of us who are
00:24:12
not in the like myself who's atypical,
00:24:16
right?
00:24:18
who who's
00:24:19
neurotypical, are there
00:24:21
what what are the best ways that I think
00:24:24
we can like support you and figure out
00:24:28
like when it comes to an like living
00:24:31
with an autistic person or living with
00:24:32
someone who has ADHD, are there things
00:24:35
that we should because we have to
00:24:36
educate ourselves as well, I guess is is
00:24:38
my point I'm making, but like is there a
00:24:41
best place to go to do that? Yeah,
00:24:44
that's a great question. So, there are
00:24:46
actually
00:24:48
um there there's one person I don't know
00:24:51
if you've ever watched Love on the
00:24:52
Spectrum, but basically it's a show
00:24:56
about people on the spectrum navigating
00:24:58
romantic relationships. And even though
00:25:01
a lot of people just watch it as, oh,
00:25:04
it's reality TV, I think that show in
00:25:07
itself is so helpful because it
00:25:11
shows like the realness of not just
00:25:14
navigating romantic relationships, but
00:25:16
also navigating like communication
00:25:19
styles. Um, like for me, I said earlier,
00:25:24
um, I have a hard time understanding
00:25:27
social cues. I have a hard time reading
00:25:30
subtext.
00:25:31
And so for me personally, I would say
00:25:36
the biggest way to support someone with
00:25:39
autism is just to use direct
00:25:42
communication because we don't look for
00:25:45
any we don't look for the subtext
00:25:47
because we don't have the tools to be
00:25:49
able to see it. And so like I'll give an
00:25:54
example for my dating life. Um, this is
00:25:58
actually like really sad example, but
00:26:00
someone could say like, oh, like I think
00:26:05
we should be friends. And for me, an
00:26:07
autistic person, I'll be like, okay,
00:26:09
great. A friend. Like, let's do things
00:26:12
that friends do. But in reality, that
00:26:13
just means I don't want to talk to you
00:26:15
anymore. And it's just like just be
00:26:17
clear about it, dude. Well, I have I
00:26:20
have an example on that cuz I had a
00:26:21
friend in college who was autistic and
00:26:24
he was he was high functioning. He lived
00:26:26
in the dorms with us. He was super nice
00:26:28
guy. Anyway, lived on the same floor my
00:26:30
freshman year. Him and I got along
00:26:32
decently well. And I think the reason we
00:26:34
got along really well was that I
00:26:38
understood that you have to just tell
00:26:40
him straight out what it is that you
00:26:42
need. There was there was no
00:26:44
You could not like mask it in the like
00:26:47
colloquial politeness because he didn't
00:26:50
understand it. And so it was funny
00:26:52
because there were all these instances
00:26:54
and all these people who I don't think
00:26:56
that
00:26:57
they got that they just they were like
00:27:00
they would kind of hold him at an arms
00:27:01
length and and and you know they they
00:27:04
were like yeah we're friends and
00:27:05
whatever and then it would come to like
00:27:07
doing friend stuff like you're talking
00:27:09
about and they would be like do we
00:27:11
really want to invite him and it's like
00:27:13
if you don't want to invite him you just
00:27:15
say this is not a party for you like
00:27:18
plain and simple if that's what you want
00:27:20
Right. But I was like, but you guys
00:27:22
dancing around the issue makes it harder
00:27:25
for him to operate as a human being. You
00:27:28
need to just like tell him. And so it
00:27:30
was funny because one of
00:27:31
the I I was dating this girl at the time
00:27:35
and we were hanging out and he came up
00:27:37
and he was very proactively hitting on
00:27:40
her. Um, and I was like, "Oh, okay.
00:27:44
Interesting." And I took him aside and I
00:27:46
said, "Hey, I just I just want to let
00:27:47
you know like we're we're currently
00:27:50
dating." Um, and like, you know, you're
00:27:54
you're stepping on my turf. And uh, and
00:27:57
he was like, "Oh, dude, not a problem."
00:28:00
Like, as easy as that, it was over. It
00:28:02
was done with nothing. And it was so
00:28:04
funny to me because other people were
00:28:06
like, "How did you get how did you get
00:28:07
him to knock it off?" And I was like, "I
00:28:09
just told him what was going on in plain
00:28:12
in English. There was no like, "Hey,
00:28:15
like I just don't know, you know, it was
00:28:17
just plain and simple. I'm dating this
00:28:19
person. I would really appreciate it if
00:28:21
you like didn't hit on them. Like it
00:28:23
just seems inappropriate." Yeah.
00:28:25
Exactly. Or like another example would
00:28:28
be like I would ask someone, I'd be
00:28:30
like, "Oh, would you like to come over
00:28:32
for dinner?" Cuz in my mind, like I like
00:28:35
to make food and like I like to make
00:28:37
food for people. Food is my love
00:28:38
language. And so someone could take that
00:28:43
and they could be like, "Oh, she wants
00:28:46
something longterm." And then they would
00:28:48
tell me like, "Oh, I'm busy right now,
00:28:50
but later." And so in my mind, I'm
00:28:53
thinking, "Okay, they're busy right now.
00:28:55
I'll make them dinner later." like
00:28:58
these. It It's It's so frustrating
00:29:01
because if they had just
00:29:04
like communicated like, "Oh, are you
00:29:08
asking me on a date?" I could say yes or
00:29:12
I could say no. I could make it very
00:29:14
clear what my intentions are. But since
00:29:17
we constantly dance around this idea of
00:29:20
politeness, you're taking away my
00:29:22
ability to communicate with you because
00:29:24
you're not giving me the tools that I
00:29:27
need to show you what I'm trying to say.
00:29:30
I think that's that's a key that's just
00:29:33
such a key point is just like
00:29:37
understanding that yeah it's like if you
00:29:39
don't
00:29:41
have if you don't have that function in
00:29:43
your brain to like just like read the
00:29:45
subtext of it. It's like and and like
00:29:49
I'm not going to say I I also I think
00:29:51
struggle with that. think that's more of
00:29:53
a homeschool socialization aspect of
00:29:56
like also sometimes I don't get the
00:29:58
subtext but not to the degree of an
00:30:00
autistic person but it but it is
00:30:03
interesting to like you said it's just
00:30:05
like just tell me straight up yes or no
00:30:07
like it's not going to hurt maybe it
00:30:09
will hurt your feelings but like it's
00:30:11
not it's going to benefit me in the long
00:30:14
run if you're just straight with me as
00:30:17
opposed to let's just dance around this
00:30:18
whole thing and pretend you know let's
00:30:21
be atypical for a second and pretend
00:30:23
about whatever. It's like this just like
00:30:26
it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It
00:30:28
doesn't work with any of my friends who
00:30:30
are autistic. It's like I'm just like I
00:30:32
have to just say no. Yes. No. Maybe. You
00:30:36
know,
00:30:38
I feel like in the end it in the long
00:30:42
run, like if you're just dancing around
00:30:44
politeness, that's just like more
00:30:46
offensive to me because you're basically
00:30:50
telling me like, "Oh, I don't trust you
00:30:53
to react well to this." Which when
00:30:57
people treat me like that, it feels like
00:30:59
it's kind of
00:31:00
like an attack on my character. It's
00:31:03
like, I understand that you can just not
00:31:06
want to hang out with someone, but I
00:31:08
need you to tell me that. Yeah. So that
00:31:11
way I can react appropriately. But since
00:31:15
people like don't want to do that and
00:31:17
they hide behind the niceness of it to
00:31:19
try to like not hurt your feelings, it's
00:31:22
just it's just like going way over my
00:31:24
head, dude. And so like I have made it a
00:31:28
point to like start telling people
00:31:31
straight up like I am autistic. I need
00:31:34
direct communication. If at any point
00:31:37
you don't want to like be seeing me
00:31:40
anymore, if you don't want to hang out,
00:31:42
just tell me. And it would make it so
00:31:45
much easier for me to like, you know,
00:31:49
just hear that and be like, "Okay,
00:31:51
cool." and move on rather than like
00:31:53
trying to constantly decode subtext.
00:31:57
Does that also go the opposite direction
00:32:00
too where you find that like when you
00:32:02
communicate with
00:32:03
people and you're presented with that
00:32:05
option, right?
00:32:07
Like that you're just more direct with
00:32:09
people of
00:32:11
like like like you brought up the dating
00:32:14
thing, right? Of like oh like I'm kind
00:32:15
of busy right now like we'll do dinner
00:32:17
another time. where if you're not
00:32:20
feeling it, are you more do you tend to
00:32:22
be a lot more just direct of like, hey,
00:32:24
I'm just like not feeling this and like
00:32:26
I don't really want to do dinner or or
00:32:28
have you or do you we talked about
00:32:30
masking a little bit or do you kind of
00:32:32
have you started masking it where you're
00:32:34
like okay like I do the kind of like uh
00:32:37
I'm just like really busy right now like
00:32:38
life's just kind of a little nuts. When
00:32:41
I when I try to date people, you know,
00:32:43
I'll go out with them and like if I'm
00:32:45
not feeling it, I usually just don't say
00:32:48
anything, but if they reach out to me,
00:32:51
I'll just say,
00:32:52
"Hey, you know, you're cool, but I'm not
00:32:55
feeling it. Sorry." That's it. Move on.
00:32:57
They get the message. I
00:33:00
don't I won't ever say like, "Oh, I'm
00:33:03
busy right now. Like, maybe later."
00:33:06
because like I don't want to communicate
00:33:08
that there's going to be a later if I
00:33:11
already know there's not going to be.
00:33:12
Yeah. You know. Yeah. I get Yeah, that
00:33:14
totally answered my question of just
00:33:17
like that communication of like you you
00:33:21
need the clarity. So that that's I guess
00:33:23
what what I was asking is like you need
00:33:24
the clarity of people to tell you like
00:33:26
hey like this is you know tell me point
00:33:28
blank, right? So that's what I was
00:33:30
wondering is like do you also just feed
00:33:32
it back point blank if that makes sense?
00:33:34
Um, yeah, pretty much. Because it's
00:33:37
like, why would I say maybe later on
00:33:40
something I don't intend on following
00:33:42
through? Like, oh yeah, we'll hang out
00:33:44
sometime. I'll be like, okay, when like
00:33:47
let's do it. Because I don't realize
00:33:50
that it's just a way of being polite,
00:33:53
you know? And I think like now that I'm
00:33:56
like separated from it and I'm like
00:33:58
talking about it, it's easier for me to
00:34:00
spot. But like if I'm in the moment and
00:34:05
someone's just trying to politely curve
00:34:07
me, it'll just go over my head. Like
00:34:10
it's it's so
00:34:12
frustrating because it's like on top of
00:34:16
that, like if I like someone and I'm
00:34:19
saying like, "Oh, we should get dinner
00:34:21
like sometime." And they're like, "Oh,
00:34:24
I'm busy later." Then I think, "Okay,
00:34:26
they're busy later." And then I just
00:34:28
wait for them to stop being busy, you
00:34:30
know?
00:34:32
Right. You know what's so funny, too, is
00:34:35
that I
00:34:37
think even within my own life, like I'm
00:34:40
I'm guil I'm I'm guilty of the like, oh,
00:34:43
life's just really busy right now. Like,
00:34:44
we'll just let's circle back. Let's, you
00:34:46
know, we'll come back to it, right? And
00:34:48
it's kind of sometimes with that
00:34:49
intention of like it's
00:34:51
either sometimes it is like I just need
00:34:54
to kick the can down the road a little
00:34:55
bit. like I genuinely am really busy,
00:34:57
but a but a lot of times it's like I
00:34:59
just don't want to do that thing at that
00:35:01
moment that that person is inviting me
00:35:03
to do. And what I've realized is like I
00:35:06
get frustrated when people do that to
00:35:08
me, right? And I'm like I just want a
00:35:09
clear answer.
00:35:11
Yeah. But I also don't give a clear
00:35:13
answer half of the time either. So I'm
00:35:15
like us having this conversation, I'm
00:35:17
like maybe I should just start giving
00:35:18
very blunt clear answers of like, nah, I
00:35:20
don't really want to do that. Like let's
00:35:22
do something else instead in a week and
00:35:24
a half, you know? Um because
00:35:27
I I almost think it would just be better
00:35:29
than us trying to like we've been
00:35:31
talking about this whole dancing around
00:35:33
the situation of like kind of just
00:35:36
hinting at you know they'll get the
00:35:38
message eventually. It's like no like
00:35:40
people just let's just not why do we
00:35:43
leave why do we leave things to like we
00:35:45
have to decipher them as humans? Let's
00:35:46
just actually like point blank tell each
00:35:48
other. I don't want to do that. Yeah.
00:35:51
Like I I've had I definitely had moments
00:35:54
where like it's like when a friend
00:35:56
invites you to their birthday party and
00:36:00
you know you're they're your friend and
00:36:03
you know you want to be nice and
00:36:04
celebrate them but
00:36:07
you also just like don't have the
00:36:09
energy. Like I wouldn't tell them like
00:36:12
oh sorry I'm really busy that day or I'm
00:36:15
really busy today. It looks like I won't
00:36:17
be able to make it. I'll just like tell
00:36:18
them like straight up like, "Hey, like I
00:36:21
don't have the energy right now to do
00:36:23
this. Sorry." And that's it. because
00:36:28
like like if they're my friend and I
00:36:30
care about them, I want them to be aware
00:36:33
of like where my heart is at, you know,
00:36:37
and like I'm not showing up to your
00:36:39
birthday party because I don't care
00:36:42
about you as a
00:36:43
person, but I recognize my own needs and
00:36:47
that I need to respect those needs, but
00:36:49
I also respect our relationship. So, I'm
00:36:51
going to tell you straight up instead of
00:36:53
lying to your face to protect your
00:36:55
feelings because I trust you. I trust
00:36:58
that you know who I am as this person. I
00:37:00
trust that you know I care about you
00:37:03
and you know if I tell you like, hey,
00:37:06
I'm really tired or I'm really low
00:37:08
energy right now, then I just trust that
00:37:11
to be respected. And also, if you build
00:37:13
a good enough relationship with that
00:37:15
person, if they really need you or want
00:37:18
you at whatever that situation is, they
00:37:21
will also hopefully feel like they have
00:37:24
the ability to communicate that to you,
00:37:25
right? To say, "Hey, I actually really
00:37:28
need you at this or I it it bothers me
00:37:32
that you can't make it, but I can
00:37:33
respect it." Or, you know, whatever. But
00:37:35
like, yeah, I think having that openness
00:37:37
of being able to talk transparently and
00:37:40
just be
00:37:42
your true authentic self I think is like
00:37:44
it's very powerful because to your point
00:37:46
of like if you have a good if you have a
00:37:48
solid friendship with somebody and you
00:37:50
guys respect each other and you honor
00:37:52
each other's boundaries and things like
00:37:53
that it's like then there really won't
00:37:56
be an issue of like you communicating
00:37:58
exact your needs with that person you
00:38:00
know and them doing it back to you.
00:38:03
Um, I think I do want to kind of pivot
00:38:07
just just a little bit and and talk a
00:38:10
little bit
00:38:11
about the the like family dynamic of
00:38:15
like growing up in a family
00:38:18
where maybe a sibling or your parents
00:38:21
are
00:38:23
not neurode divergent, right? Not on the
00:38:26
spectrum.
00:38:28
like
00:38:31
that's that can be very taxing um on
00:38:34
them as well. Um but also for you, I'm
00:38:38
sure that that's also can
00:38:40
be a frustration. I mean, we've kind of
00:38:43
talked about that already,
00:38:45
but I guess where I want to go with that
00:38:48
is more of
00:38:51
like now that you now that you
00:38:54
understand yourself better and you've
00:38:56
kind you've come to okay, I know this
00:38:58
about myself. I know that this is how my
00:39:00
brain works. How has that changed your
00:39:03
relationship with your sisters and with
00:39:05
your dad and and things like that? like
00:39:07
how how how have you been able to
00:39:09
communicate to them like I this is how I
00:39:12
am like take it or leave I don't know is
00:39:15
it a take it or leave it situation is it
00:39:16
like hey I think I need this from you
00:39:18
like how how has that shifted so um like
00:39:22
I said before like since I never had
00:39:24
like a diagnosis growing up
00:39:27
um they had kind of always seen like my
00:39:32
autistic behaviors as like misbehavior
00:39:35
like me intentionally like being a
00:39:37
problem or like being bad, but in
00:39:40
reality, like if I was like having a
00:39:42
meltdown, it was most likely because I
00:39:44
was over stimulated, but I didn't know
00:39:46
how to communicate that.
00:39:48
And so now that I have an understanding
00:39:53
of how my brain works, like
00:39:56
if like some like let's say like
00:39:59
someone's like talking too loud at me,
00:40:00
I'll just straight up say, "Hey, I'm
00:40:02
over stimulated. Can you shut up
00:40:04
please?" like for a second. Um, and then
00:40:07
they'll be like, "Oh, okay." Yeah.
00:40:10
Um, and then like sometimes like I'll be
00:40:14
talking to my sisters about whatever.
00:40:17
Like I'll be telling them like about a
00:40:19
situation I'm in and then they'll kind
00:40:21
of like have to translate for me like,
00:40:25
"Oh, this person said this, but they
00:40:26
really mean that."
00:40:29
Um, and
00:40:31
it's it's still hard in some ways
00:40:35
because it's like I had a family member
00:40:38
ask me a while ago like, "Hey, do you
00:40:41
think you could take like one of those
00:40:42
classes for autistic people and learning
00:40:44
how to talk?" Cuz it would really help
00:40:46
me. And I'm just sitting there thinking,
00:40:49
I'm like, "Why don't you take class on
00:40:51
how to learn how to talk to autistic
00:40:53
people? The fuck?"
00:40:55
like
00:40:57
um it it it can be really
00:41:01
tiring
00:41:02
because something I've noticed is
00:41:07
that like in schools um the reason that
00:41:11
special ed classes, one of the things
00:41:12
that special ed classes do is they have
00:41:14
social emotional learning time which is
00:41:16
basically like it it's like giving
00:41:20
directions on how to communicate or how
00:41:23
to behave in certain scenarios, which
00:41:26
you know, okay, that's needed. But at
00:41:29
the same time, neurotypical people
00:41:33
aren't being given that same that same
00:41:38
education in how to talk to neurode
00:41:41
divergent people. And I think it kind of
00:41:44
goes back to this idea that like, oh, if
00:41:47
you're neurode divergent, like your way
00:41:49
of communicating isn't the right way. it
00:41:52
isn't the preferred way and you have to
00:41:55
adjust to fit in with everybody else and
00:41:57
it's like why don't we just both learn
00:42:00
how to communicate with each other you
00:42:02
know 100% agree I mean I
00:42:05
think we brought it up before it's
00:42:08
like for me as someone who's not neurode
00:42:11
divergent it it's
00:42:14
like it took me learning
00:42:17
patience to get there like
00:42:21
Um, I I the best example I can come up
00:42:25
with was somewhat recently. So, I worked
00:42:27
at I worked at a toy store and we would
00:42:29
do birthday parties and and
00:42:31
typically typically like when kids have
00:42:33
a birthday now, I guess it's like you
00:42:35
invite your whole class of kids um that
00:42:37
you're at school with, right, to come to
00:42:39
your birthday party. And so this one
00:42:41
group came in and one of the boys, it
00:42:43
was very obvious that he just was he was
00:42:46
the black sheep of the group. He was the
00:42:48
outcast, unfortunately.
00:42:51
And again, this is not to pat myself on
00:42:53
the back. It but just like I I clocked
00:42:56
it immediately. I was like, "Okay, this
00:42:59
kid is going to need special attention,
00:43:01
and that's okay. I can give that." Um,
00:43:05
and so, so it was interesting because he
00:43:08
just he he was really he was like
00:43:10
hyperfocused on like very specific
00:43:12
thing. We do it was a it was a Lego
00:43:14
store and basically we would build the
00:43:16
birthday parties consisted of we would
00:43:17
build race cars and race them down a
00:43:20
track to figure out who had the fastest
00:43:21
car. So, super fun, you know, great
00:43:24
time. And he was like super hyperfocused
00:43:27
on this one element of like I don't know
00:43:30
if it was like beating his score or
00:43:32
making it faster or making it light,
00:43:33
whatever it was, it was just this like
00:43:35
super hyperfocused thing. And it was
00:43:37
funny cuz he just would come kept coming
00:43:38
and talking to me about this one thing
00:43:40
and he would repeat it over and over and
00:43:42
over again. And so I was like I started
00:43:44
to realize that I was like okay my
00:43:46
response to him is not he either needs
00:43:49
to hear it a couple of times or I'm not
00:43:52
responding in the way he needs me to
00:43:53
respond to get him to like continue on
00:43:56
the thought if
00:43:58
that makes sense. Um like he he was just
00:44:01
hyperfixated on this one thing. And it
00:44:03
was so funny. So we would come and I
00:44:04
started like kind of saying different
00:44:06
things but I never got to a point of
00:44:08
like hey like stop like I'm not doing
00:44:11
this anymore. like you're annoying me
00:44:13
with like, you know, bringing up the
00:44:15
same thing over and over again. Um, and
00:44:17
his mom came up to me afterwards and was
00:44:19
like, "How did you have the patience to
00:44:21
do that when you also you're dealing
00:44:23
with him, but you're also dealing with
00:44:25
like the nine other kids that are in the
00:44:26
room who are also running up to you and
00:44:28
being like, "Hey, put my car up next.
00:44:29
Put my car up next." And and the thing
00:44:33
was that I was just like, "Well, I grew
00:44:35
up with people like this." this. And so
00:44:37
I think that it just was like this
00:44:41
like I I felt like she's like you made
00:44:44
it clear that you had seen him and that
00:44:46
you acknowledged him and
00:44:51
like you would tell him when he needed
00:44:53
to wait, but you also then would go back
00:44:56
to him when he when you were ready. Um,
00:44:58
and I think that's what like I don't
00:45:02
know. It worked out really well, I
00:45:03
guess, is what I'm trying to say. And
00:45:05
I'm I'm trying to remember why why this
00:45:07
came up, but it was just that that
00:45:09
process of learning how to communicate
00:45:11
with this other person where it's like
00:45:12
all the rest of the kids I could very
00:45:14
easily say like, hey, you need to like
00:45:15
get in a straight line. And he couldn't
00:45:17
understand some of those directions. So,
00:45:20
it was just learning to it was having to
00:45:22
sit there and be like, how do I
00:45:24
communicate this to this kid in a way
00:45:26
that he that makes sense to him that
00:45:28
continues with the birthday party where
00:45:30
I don't give him all the attention, I
00:45:31
give him the attention he needs. It's a
00:45:33
It's a crazy mind juggle. Like I think
00:45:36
that's why I bring it up is like it's
00:45:38
it's as someone who doesn't think that
00:45:40
way, it's very hard. But to your point
00:45:44
about having a family member be like,
00:45:46
"Why didn't you take classes to learn
00:45:48
how to communicate?" Well, it's like it
00:45:50
is very valid of you to say, "Well, why
00:45:52
flip it back on that person and say,
00:45:54
"Well, why don't you take classes to
00:45:55
learn how to how to communicate with
00:45:56
someone who has autism?" It's like,
00:45:58
"Yeah, duh." Because I mean, what's the
00:46:00
number at this point of like one in how
00:46:02
many kids has autism? I think it's one
00:46:05
in 36. It's up there. It's not And it's
00:46:09
no longer this like,
00:46:12
well, nobody has autism, you know, like
00:46:14
back in my day, nobody had autism. It's
00:46:16
like that that is more of an undiagnosed
00:46:18
thing than it is nobody had autism. Um,
00:46:22
it more has to do with the fact that you
00:46:24
guys didn't have the tools to diagnose
00:46:25
these people. Um, and understand that.
00:46:28
And so it's like on top of that, I I had
00:46:32
a conversation with my dad. He was like,
00:46:33
"Well, back in my day, you know, there
00:46:35
weren't all these labels." And you know,
00:46:37
people were just people. And I don't
00:46:39
understand why people can't just be
00:46:41
people. And it's like, okay, yeah, there
00:46:44
weren't labels, but there were also no
00:46:46
resources. Like, people weren't getting
00:46:48
the help that they needed. I didn't get
00:46:51
the help that I needed. And because of
00:46:54
that, it made me severely depressed um
00:46:57
among other things. But like and it made
00:47:00
me feel like I was bad or I was wrong
00:47:04
for existing
00:47:07
and I didn't feel like I mattered in
00:47:10
that way. Yeah. But now that we're
00:47:14
having so many more resources and ways
00:47:16
to diagnose like in the past like autism
00:47:19
used to be diagnosed as schizophrenia
00:47:21
and what did they do in the early days
00:47:23
of mental health treatment? They did
00:47:25
electroshock therapy. They did
00:47:27
labbotoies and just all these
00:47:31
inhumane ways to treat
00:47:34
something like a sickness when it wasn't
00:47:37
a sickness, it was a condition. And when
00:47:40
you have a the thing is a sickness can
00:47:43
be cured, a condition can't. And you
00:47:46
have to learn to live with the
00:47:47
condition.
00:47:49
And that's that's like another thing too
00:47:52
is just
00:47:54
like when when you meet a person with
00:47:56
autism, you don't have to be like, "Oh,
00:47:58
I'm so sorry you have autism." And I'm
00:48:02
just It's like, "Why are you
00:48:04
apologizing?" Like, if anything, like I
00:48:07
feel like my autism helps me to see the
00:48:10
world in a different way. Like it helps
00:48:12
me to think outside of the box
00:48:17
and like for example like did I mention
00:48:21
the runner kit before we start recording
00:48:23
or was that after? I don't remember. Go
00:48:25
ahead. Go ahead again with that. Yeah.
00:48:27
Well anyways I had this one student who
00:48:31
he he would run out of the classroom
00:48:35
like if the door was unlocked he would
00:48:37
turn off the TVs that we were using. He
00:48:40
would mess with the computers. He would
00:48:41
tear down
00:48:43
[Music]
00:48:44
um uh decorations in the classroom. And
00:48:47
usually when he did something like that,
00:48:49
like the teacher would yell like not
00:48:51
funny at him and they like pull him away
00:48:53
and like make him go sit down and like
00:48:55
put him in timeout. But then I had one
00:48:57
of the teachers ask me, they're like,
00:48:59
"We don't know what to do. Like what
00:49:00
should we do with him cuz like he's not
00:49:02
getting that he can't do this?" And I
00:49:05
was like,
00:49:06
well, he's doing it because he's getting
00:49:10
a reaction because when he does
00:49:12
something bad, that means he's getting
00:49:13
your attention. It could be a sign that
00:49:15
this child does not get attention at
00:49:17
home. So rather than just immediately
00:49:20
like getting angry and yelling, "No, how
00:49:22
about let's try redirecting."
00:49:25
And so it was like as soon as we started
00:49:28
redirecting this kid, um the way we did
00:49:31
it was when he was like about to act up,
00:49:33
what I would usually do is I grab him, I
00:49:34
sit him down, and I would give him a dry
00:49:37
erase board and a marker. And one of the
00:49:39
things that he loved doing was drawing
00:49:42
like different TV channel logos or like
00:49:45
studio
00:49:47
logos. And then I would sit there with
00:49:49
him and I'd be like, "Okay, can you draw
00:49:51
Disney for me? Can you draw Pixar?" Um,
00:49:55
and so he'd be like, "Yeah." And and
00:49:57
then he'd like draw it and I'd be like,
00:50:00
"That is such a good job. I think that
00:50:02
deserves a high five." And he get really
00:50:05
excited. Give me a big old high five.
00:50:06
And then he'd erase it. And then like I
00:50:09
would give him something else. And then
00:50:11
eventually we moved that from just
00:50:14
drawing TV channel logos to drawing
00:50:18
pictures of like school buses, of police
00:50:22
cars.
00:50:24
And so redirecting that behavior
00:50:28
um was just so helpful because after we
00:50:31
started doing that, he didn't run. He
00:50:33
did or he did run occasionally, but when
00:50:36
he tried to run, that just meant I need
00:50:38
attention. Please give me attention.
00:50:41
And so once we started doing that with
00:50:44
him, his behavior changed so much. Yeah.
00:50:47
And it's really just a matter of just
00:50:50
like and I think this goes
00:50:53
for not even just autistic children or
00:50:57
children on the spectrum, but it just
00:50:58
goes for for people in general. Like a
00:51:01
misbehavior is a sign that a need is not
00:51:04
being met and they're trying to get it
00:51:05
met. Yeah. No, I I that's such an
00:51:08
interesting
00:51:10
um observation
00:51:13
because I've been thinking along similar
00:51:16
lines of like looking at people in my
00:51:19
life and kind of recognizing things
00:51:22
that maybe I don't agree with or I don't
00:51:25
like about that person, right? And and
00:51:27
their actions. And to your point of like
00:51:30
going trying to figure out what is the
00:51:32
root cause of why do they behave that
00:51:35
way? Um, and so I
00:51:38
think you made a great point in that
00:51:40
that's not exclusively we don't need to
00:51:43
be exclusively looking at just like the
00:51:45
the the thought process behind like why
00:51:48
does an autistic child like act this way
00:51:51
or misbehave, right? And like what's
00:51:52
the, you know, but like that's a
00:51:55
humanity thing of like why do we do the
00:51:58
actions that we do, good, bad, evil,
00:51:59
wrong, good, you know, healthy, you
00:52:02
know, all these things, right? What is
00:52:03
the root cause of it? And so that's I
00:52:05
think
00:52:06
very important. I think we need to a lot
00:52:09
of us need to take a look inside to kind
00:52:11
of start to recognize some of those
00:52:13
things about ourselves of like why do I
00:52:16
do the things I do? Um, and then have
00:52:18
that
00:52:22
hopefully that that ability to look at
00:52:25
other people and and recognize their
00:52:27
actions is like, okay, what is what is
00:52:29
behind that and let me look at that
00:52:31
instead of just looking solely at the
00:52:33
action for what it is. Um, I don't know.
00:52:36
It's a helpful it's a helpful exercise,
00:52:38
I think, to kind of like break that down
00:52:41
about like what makes us who we are uh
00:52:44
today. And that's not an easy thing to
00:52:45
do. Uh but hopefully hopefully we can
00:52:49
take some time and just like recognize
00:52:51
that that's like what we need to do as a
00:52:54
society is like why do why do people act
00:52:56
the way they do you know it's not always
00:53:00
stemming from really evil stuff or you
00:53:04
know Yeah. And like that's another thing
00:53:07
too is like before
00:53:10
um I would like to say like when I was
00:53:11
younger, well I guess technically I was
00:53:13
still younger, but like a few months ago
00:53:16
I used to really view the world as black
00:53:18
and white. It's like okay, you're either
00:53:20
good or you're bad.
00:53:23
Um and it's like if you're a good
00:53:25
person, you'll do good things. If you're
00:53:27
a bad person, you'll do bad things. But
00:53:29
the reality is life itself is not that
00:53:32
simple. I was thinking to kind of to
00:53:35
drive this a little bit back to the
00:53:37
homeschooling world of
00:53:40
like it's such an interesting thing to
00:53:42
me to look at the the reasoning behind
00:53:46
why people choose to homeschool their
00:53:48
kids.
00:53:49
Um it there's a variety of reasons
00:53:52
people do it. Some people do it for
00:53:53
religious reasons. Some people do it
00:53:55
because of their view on the current
00:53:57
state of our education system. Some
00:53:59
people do it um because that's the way
00:54:01
they were raised, right? and they're
00:54:02
like, I'm just I'm just continuing the
00:54:04
the track, right? Um some people do it
00:54:07
because they have kids who have autism
00:54:09
or learning um difference and disability
00:54:12
and so they're like, "Okay, let me put I
00:54:15
can I can be a better source for like
00:54:18
tailoring their education to match where
00:54:20
they are, right?"
00:54:22
Um there's a lot of reasons that could
00:54:24
go into homeschooling. And I think
00:54:27
what's so interesting is that
00:54:33
like
00:54:36
our I look at it like there there was
00:54:39
this weird I think there was a weird
00:54:42
stigma
00:54:43
around like the mental I don't want to
00:54:46
say mental health but there was a weird
00:54:48
stigma around like autism and Asperers
00:54:51
and Down syndrome and and ADD and ADHD
00:54:54
and like all these different things that
00:54:55
were happening. dyslexia, all these
00:54:56
things that were happening inside the
00:54:57
homeschool community, but all these
00:54:58
people were doing they they a lot of
00:55:00
them had kids who had
00:55:03
something in that vein, right? Um but
00:55:06
yet we didn't never talk about it. We
00:55:08
didn't like there was a lot of there's a
00:55:10
lot of people I mean I've even realized
00:55:11
now talking to more people. I'm like my
00:55:13
family, we pretty openly talked about it
00:55:15
within ourselves, which I think is what
00:55:17
led to me being much more like having
00:55:20
that patience to kind of like, okay, we
00:55:22
just got to like learn how to deal with
00:55:24
everybody's different, right? Um, but
00:55:26
there's so many other people I've talked
00:55:27
to now who are like, oh yeah, like my
00:55:30
family like lived in denial or like
00:55:32
refused to get me like you talked about
00:55:34
like your your parents didn't diagnose
00:55:36
you with anything. So, it's like you you
00:55:38
lived 18 plus years of your life being
00:55:41
undiagnosed knowing that something was
00:55:43
different and something was potentially
00:55:45
off because you didn't see yourself as
00:55:47
operating the same way everyone else
00:55:48
did. And so, there's this weird stigma
00:55:51
around it where it's like why are we
00:55:53
denying people the ability to like find
00:55:56
out the way that they operate um and
00:55:59
then not like openly talking about it
00:56:01
because it's just it's their operating
00:56:03
system in their body, right? It's just
00:56:04
this is how it is. Why do we not want to
00:56:07
give them the tools and the resources
00:56:09
they need to operate at the best
00:56:12
capacity they could possibly do? Um, I
00:56:15
don't know. Have you talked at all like
00:56:18
with your dad
00:56:19
about why they wouldn't have I mean you
00:56:23
said you were four before you spoke.
00:56:25
Like was there a reason behind why they
00:56:28
wouldn't have taken you in to get
00:56:30
diagnosed or looked at?
00:56:33
That's a great question. Um, we hadn't
00:56:37
really talked about it, but that's also
00:56:40
because like my my dad wasn't around all
00:56:44
the time and that was just because he
00:56:46
was constantly working. He was a first
00:56:47
responder, so he was gone all the time.
00:56:50
And so the
00:56:53
only person that was around was my
00:56:57
biological mom. Um,
00:57:01
and there I think you know growing up in
00:57:05
the early 2000s like how mental health
00:57:09
was really not something that was
00:57:11
thought of. It was just like oh if kids
00:57:14
displaying a behavior you don't want you
00:57:16
have to discipline it them out like them
00:57:18
out of it. Yeah. Like for example,
00:57:22
um one thing that I didn't like was I
00:57:25
didn't like people getting near my
00:57:26
mouth. And so rather than rather
00:57:33
than you know finding a or actually let
00:57:37
me back this up a little bit um because
00:57:39
I realized I didn't give context. So, I
00:57:42
didn't like people around my mouth and
00:57:44
because of that it led to issues of
00:57:48
trying to get me to brush my teeth.
00:57:51
Um, and so, you know, rather than
00:57:55
uh like making the I like the task of
00:57:58
brushing your teeth fun or finding like
00:58:02
ways
00:58:03
to like gently introduce me to it so I
00:58:07
could do it. What she what my biological
00:58:09
mom would do was she would spank me
00:58:12
super hard and then, you know, as I
00:58:14
opened my mouth to cry, she would shove
00:58:16
the toothbrush in there and start
00:58:17
brushing my teeth.
00:58:19
And because of that, that just made me
00:58:23
associate brushing my teeth with pain.
00:58:26
And so then when I got older and I was
00:58:29
able
00:58:30
to like brush my teeth on the on my own,
00:58:33
I just didn't want to do it. and that
00:58:36
led to dental issues.
00:58:39
Um, just because it
00:58:42
wasn't it wasn't prepared for me in a
00:58:44
way that I could take it positively and
00:58:49
that had negative effects down the line.
00:58:51
And then like also I feel like
00:58:55
a might even still stand true for some
00:58:57
parents today, but they feel like if
00:58:59
their kid has a mental health issue, two
00:59:02
things. one, they're making it up for
00:59:05
attention, or two, it's a sign that they
00:59:08
failed as a parent. And cuz like that
00:59:12
that was something like I'm pretty sure
00:59:14
you probably heard that saying growing
00:59:16
up like, "Oh, mental health is just all
00:59:18
in your head." And it's like I mean,
00:59:21
yeah, mental health is like, "Where did
00:59:25
my mental capabilities come from? My
00:59:27
brain, right? You're not wrong, but
00:59:30
you're wrong at the same time." Like
00:59:31
it's like one of those sayings that's
00:59:33
like right and wrong. Yeah. Yeah. So
00:59:36
there's that. And then like with the
00:59:38
issues of mental health like it's not
00:59:41
it's not always caused by environment,
00:59:44
you know, like some people just have
00:59:47
chemical imbalances. And it's like for
00:59:50
example, you wouldn't tell someone with
00:59:53
diabetes, oh, it's all in your head.
00:59:56
Like actually it's in my blood. And
00:59:58
because I have diabetes, I need insulin.
01:00:02
Okay. And it's just like that with uh
01:00:05
mental health issues as well.
01:00:07
Um like di having diabetes doesn't
01:00:11
necessarily mean that like oh you only
01:00:13
did some like it's your fault. It's cuz
01:00:15
you didn't take care of your health.
01:00:16
Like no, diabetes can also like there
01:00:19
can be a genetic factor in that as well.
01:00:21
This has been such a great conversation
01:00:22
and it's hard to like put a cap on it
01:00:24
because I I enjoy talking to you so
01:00:25
much. Um, but I do want to point people
01:00:30
to
01:00:32
like is there a best like I don't know
01:00:37
maybe you don't have an answer for this
01:00:38
but is there a best resource or
01:00:39
something for people who are wanting to
01:00:41
learn more
01:00:42
about autism neurody diverency is there
01:00:45
something somewhere you can point people
01:00:47
that's like hey this is like a good
01:00:49
explainer of
01:00:51
like that yeah so actually that's a
01:00:55
great question. Hold on, let me look up
01:00:57
the name real quick because I want to
01:00:58
make sure I am saying this right because
01:01:02
there is
01:01:03
um this one creator I I think her name
01:01:07
is Kayn Part or something.
01:01:11
Um actually, let me look it up. So, she
01:01:16
was okay. Kayn Partllo. Um, so for those
01:01:21
who don't know who Kayn Partllo is, um,
01:01:24
she was on season one of Love on the
01:01:25
Spectrum and she is also, I believe
01:01:28
she's a behavioral therapist. Um, and
01:01:32
she specifically works with children
01:01:33
with autism. And so if you go to her
01:01:37
page, she has a lot of great information
01:01:40
about communicating with people with
01:01:43
um, who have special needs. Um she also
01:01:46
wrote a book about
01:01:49
um living with autism. And so if there's
01:01:53
any resource I could say would be a
01:01:55
really great starter just uh Kayla Parlo
01:01:59
from Love on the Spectrum. Yeah, I just
01:02:01
looked up her YouTube channel and yeah,
01:02:03
her videos look look very informative.
01:02:06
So I'll put that in the show notes as
01:02:07
well so people can go check that out. Um
01:02:10
and then what was that? You you
01:02:12
mentioned a test earlier and I'm I'm
01:02:14
spacing on the name, but kind of like a
01:02:16
baseline starting point of like figuring
01:02:17
out where do you sit on a neurode
01:02:20
divergent spectrum basically? Yeah. So,
01:02:23
it's called the RADS R test. So, it's
01:02:26
spelled R A Ds and then dash R.
01:02:33
Um, it's in that's the acronym for it,
01:02:38
but it's called
01:02:40
the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnosis
01:02:44
Scale Revised. Um, so yeah, that's
01:02:48
another great test to use to be like,
01:02:50
"Oh, I wonder if there's something a
01:02:52
little different for me." Like that.
01:02:53
That's a really great source to use.
01:02:55
Okay. So, yeah. Yeah. And I will, like I
01:02:58
said, I'll link all that stuff in the
01:02:59
show notes below. I I hope that this
01:03:02
conversation has been helpful for
01:03:04
somebody of like just kind of
01:03:05
understanding that it's like autism is
01:03:08
real. Um, but and autistic people have
01:03:12
they have a place in this world and they
01:03:14
have meaning and they provide value and
01:03:16
there's a whole wide gamut and you know
01:03:20
Alyssa's experience is is not the
01:03:22
universal experience but it but it is
01:03:24
one it is an experience and I wanted to
01:03:27
highlight it and I you know I so thank
01:03:30
you for coming on and being and being
01:03:32
candid and transparent about it. I
01:03:33
appreciate that and putting up with my
01:03:35
dumbass who doesn't know hardly inject
01:03:38
about it. Um, so I appreciate that
01:03:42
and um, yeah, and hopefully I would love
01:03:45
to have more conversations with people
01:03:47
around neurody diverency because it's
01:03:49
something I'm interested in in learning
01:03:52
more about and learning how
01:03:54
to better understand and better protect
01:03:57
and better just like be there as an
01:04:00
advocate and a support of that. Um, I
01:04:02
think it's important and we're just we
01:04:05
everyone is uniquely different, right?
01:04:07
And we we got to learn how to work
01:04:08
together and it only happens through
01:04:10
education, education, education,
01:04:12
education. Um, we got to be willing to
01:04:15
learn about it. And so, um, so again, I
01:04:18
appreciate you coming on and being
01:04:20
candid and transparent, um, with people.
01:04:22
Yeah, thank you. Thank you for giving me
01:04:25
a platform to speak.
01:04:27
Um, and then I don't know if this is
01:04:30
something like this totally up to you if
01:04:31
you want to include it, but I recently
01:04:33
decided I want to take up writing more
01:04:35
and I I'm starting to write about like
01:04:38
the political climate. I really want to
01:04:39
write about autism
01:04:41
and so if you want to include it later,
01:04:44
I recently just made a Substack. So,
01:04:47
I'll make sure it's linked in the show
01:04:48
notes below. Yeah, for people. But yeah,
01:04:51
go follow Alyssa on Substack because
01:04:52
that that'll be really cool and I'm
01:04:56
excited. I saw you posted like a poem or
01:04:58
something. Yeah. Yeah. I posted a
01:05:00
political po poem about
01:05:02
uh it was basically talking about like
01:05:05
the constitution. So it's called all men
01:05:08
are created equal, but then I just
01:05:10
pointed out the hypocrisies and like how
01:05:12
we treat minorities in the country. And
01:05:16
so in case you're wondering like, oh,
01:05:19
can autistic people write a poem? Well,
01:05:21
I wrote one and it was kind of badass.
01:05:23
So you should go read it. Yeah. I'll
01:05:26
make sure it's linked down in the
01:05:27
description below for people to go
01:05:29
support. And uh yeah, anything else you
01:05:32
want to shout out before we close things
01:05:34
out? Go watch Love on the Spectrum. It's
01:05:36
very Okay, cool. Love on the Spectrum.
01:05:40
That's your homework for this week,
01:05:41
folks. Go watch Well, I guess it'll be
01:05:42
probably more than a week, but that's
01:05:44
your homework for right now. Go watch
01:05:45
Love on the Spectrum. Go subscribe to
01:05:47
Alyssa Substack. Uh go watch some of uh
01:05:51
Kayn Partllo's uh YouTube videos. Um,
01:05:54
maybe take a test. We'll see. Maybe take
01:05:56
the RADS test, the RADS R test. Maybe,
01:05:59
maybe not. Um, and you know what? Also,
01:06:01
subscribe to my newsletter. Um, all
01:06:04
that's going to be linked in the
01:06:05
description uh below. But Alyssa, once
01:06:07
again, I appreciate you. Thank you for
01:06:09
coming on. And uh until next week, I'll
01:06:12
see you. All right. Peace. Peace.
01:06:17
[Music]
01:06:28
[Music]
