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What Happens When a Neurodivergent Kid Goes Undiagnosed in the Homeschool World? | #37

May 15, 2025 / 01:06:37

This episode covers autism, neurodiversity, personal experiences with diagnosis, and communication strategies. Guest Alyssa shares her insights on living with autism.

Alyssa explains autism as a neurological developmental disorder, detailing how it affects brain function and interpersonal relationships. She emphasizes that autism is not caused by environmental factors but is genetic, affecting how individuals perceive the world.

Throughout the conversation, Alyssa discusses her own experiences growing up without a formal diagnosis, highlighting the challenges she faced in social situations and communication. She reflects on the importance of understanding and accepting neurodiversity.

The episode also touches on the spectrum of autism, describing high-functioning individuals who can live independently and those who require more support. Alyssa shares her thoughts on the need for better communication between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals.

Finally, Alyssa recommends resources for learning more about autism, including the RADS test and the show "Love on the Spectrum," which provides insights into the lives of autistic individuals.

TLDR

Alyssa discusses autism, her personal experiences, and communication strategies for neurodiversity.

Episode

1:06:37
00:00:02
[Music] Alyssa, we're back. You're back. Round two. Hi. How's it going? It's been uh a
00:00:10
little while since we chatted. And uh I'm stoked to have you back. We're going
00:00:13
to chat. We're not going to talk so much about your Well, we will talk about your
00:00:19
homeschool experience, but not in the way that we did before. Uh with like the history. If you listeners, if you want
00:00:24
to go hear that, go back. I don't know what the number is, but I'll make sure
00:00:28
it's linked down in the show notes before. But we t I chatted with Alyssa before about like her homeschool
00:00:33
upbringing and the wildness that ensued. But today we are going to talk about uh
00:00:39
autism. We're going to talk kind of about some neurode diverency. We're going to talk about different things
00:00:44
like that and kind of like growing up and being around people who are just a little bit different than us. They're
00:00:49
wired a little bit different. So Alyssa, I'm going to let me let me just ask the
00:00:55
dumb question. What is autism? How does it affect people? Like what's the spectrum? What is like what is it? Give
00:01:02
me give me the the the brain dump there. Yeah, sure. So autism it is a neurological development dis
00:01:10
developmental disorder and basically what it does is our brains uh they have different sections that are made for
00:01:20
different things like one part of the brain is for motor skills another part is for language another part is for
00:01:26
emotions um anything that has to do with the mind it's in the brain obviously but with
00:01:35
people with autism or people who are on the spectrum, those parts of the brain formed differently during
00:01:43
um when they were in in development. And it's not something that is caused by
00:01:50
environmental factors. It's not something that is it's not something that's
00:01:59
preventable. It's genetic and it can be caused by I think one one way to kind of
00:02:07
explain it at a basic level is everyone has coding in their DNA and there's a
00:02:14
sequence of how your DNA is supposed to go. Sometimes um during like the the development process like when your you
00:02:24
know your parents get pregnant with you and you're developing the womb you DNA
00:02:29
replicates sometimes it doesn't replicate the way it's supposed to. Sometimes
00:02:34
um a piece of that information can be duplicated. It could be replaced with something else or it can be deleted. And
00:02:42
because of um those mutations, it causes the brain to develop a little differently. And so because of that,
00:02:50
people with autism or ADHD, um just to name a few, they they see the world differently. They don't see it in
00:03:00
the same way that someone with a typical neurotypical brain sees it. And so because of that, it impacts our
00:03:09
relationships. impacts the way we communicate or the way we feel things. And even though it's different, it
00:03:17
doesn't make you it doesn't make the person with autism any less of a person.
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It doesn't make them um it doesn't make them stupid. It doesn't make them naive.
00:03:27
It just means that they see the world through a different lens. And honestly, if more people understood that and
00:03:35
accepted it, then just we as humans could progress so much further by valuing the minds that don't fit into
00:03:48
the typical boxes that um we are taught like oh um I'm sorry, is this is this making
00:03:58
sense? Yeah. No, it totally it totally is. And I was I was going to say like the reason I wanted to have you on to
00:04:04
talk about this is you are someone who who has autism and and I wanted to ask kind of maybe like your when did when
00:04:13
did you find out that you were autistic and and get diagnosed with that? Yeah. So fun funny funny thing is I actually
00:04:21
was never diagnosed. Um however I did study child development for two years and then I also um you know I studied
00:04:30
education. I was trained in how to identify children with special needs like what some of what signs of
00:04:37
developmental delays um to look for in a child that could be on the spectrum. And um for me, I showed
00:04:49
a lot of signs of developmental delays when I was growing up. But because I was homeschooled and didn't have access to
00:04:58
professionals, it just went undiagnosed. And rather than recognizing that it was
00:05:05
um something different with my brain, I was constantly told like, "Oh, you're
00:05:11
uncooperative. You're stupid." um just like a the way that people approached me. It was like it was like a
00:05:21
flaw with my character. And um on top of that, I always had issues like struggling to fit in or like
00:05:30
understanding like what's appropriate to say in public, what's not appropriate to
00:05:33
say. And um because of that, I was I really did not have a lot of friends when I was growing up. You know, I had
00:05:42
people who would like say surface level that they were my friends, but then like, you know, I would just like speak
00:05:48
my mind about whatever and they just kind of like ostracize me a bit. And then um like for some just to give some
00:05:57
like very like basic examples, I didn't start speaking until I was four years
00:06:02
old. So, you know, most uh children will say their first words like mama or dada.
00:06:10
um when they're at least a few months old. I did not have any of that at all.
00:06:15
I could only like scream and yell and um some other signs that I showed was like biting
00:06:28
like children on the spectrum. A lot of them can be biters. Um, and I say this because um, I have spent the two weeks
00:06:39
uh, work past two weeks working in a special ed class where I had to deal with a lot of biters.
00:06:46
Um, and then there's just like al also other signs like for me I I mean you might notice but like I tend to look
00:06:53
away from like the camera a lot uh, because like I can't handle eye contact.
00:06:58
It freaks me out. Um, and I also tend to like kind of be more monotone. Like for me, like if I'm
00:07:06
being really expressive with you, like while interacting, it's because I have
00:07:10
to think about what face what facial expressions I have to make. Like, oh, like right now is the time I have to nod
00:07:18
and say mhm to make it like seem like I'm listening or I have to like stare at
00:07:22
your forehead to like let you know that I'm listening. reality is if I'm doing
00:07:27
all those things, I'm probably not actually listening because I'm trying so
00:07:32
hard to make it seem like I'm listening because I have to act like when most
00:07:37
people talk like they you naturally make facial expressions, you naturally nod like you're nodding right now. Um, and
00:07:45
that like those are just things that come naturally to you. But since uh like the part of me that's listening and the
00:07:54
part of my facial expressions don't automatically work together, I have to like manually think about it in
00:08:00
my head like, "Okay, I'm going to I'm going to nod. I'm going to be like,
00:08:04
uh-huh. Yeah." Yeah. um which is a sign of uh masking, which um I don't know if you've ever heard the
00:08:13
term before, but masking is like when a person on the spectrum forces themselves to display certain behaviors
00:08:24
in order to blend in with neurotypical people, right? Makes sense, right? It's
00:08:29
like you want to fit in, you know, you want to match the energies and things like that. It's it's interesting. I
00:08:36
hadn't really thought much about like autism and and and things like that in in the sense of like it's I
00:08:47
don't want to say it's always been normal to me, but I had so many friends
00:08:50
growing up that were like we were all just different. I had a I had a sibling with ADHD. I had like I had friends who
00:08:58
were autistic. I had friends who had Down syndrome. I had friends like just anything and everything you could think
00:09:03
of at dyslexia and dcalcula and like all the different whatever. And so and I I I want to say I don't know
00:09:13
that I did this perfect so I don't want to like totally pat myself on the back
00:09:16
for this but like I didn't I just kind of viewed it I view it now in particular
00:09:22
as like we were all just really unique and different and we learned how to like get along with each other. And like I
00:09:28
remember having a friend who I'm trying to remember if he was autistic or if he
00:09:32
had asberers. I I'm I'm blanking on what it was, but he was it was difficult to
00:09:39
be his friend because he would just his mood swings were crazy and like he would
00:09:43
just like he didn't always have the skills to like have that conversation with you and when he was done he would
00:09:50
just like leave, right? And like um and so it was weird. It was like a weird thing to navigate at first because it
00:09:55
was like, well, why is he doing this? Why is he acting this way, right? And what we came to know was like as as he
00:10:02
shared with us like, well, this is how my brain works and I get overwhelmed and so I need to leave and I need to be on
00:10:07
my own. Okay, that's not a problem. And especially because like his parents were
00:10:11
cool with us being at his house. So, it's like he could have all his friends
00:10:14
over. We could be playing video games, watching a movie, being stupid, being boys. And he's like, "Okay, I'm done.
00:10:21
I'm tapping out." He goes to his room and does what he does, whatever. And his
00:10:26
parents, it wasn't like the party's over. It was just like, "Hey, you guys
00:10:30
continue like the night's not over. You guys do your thing. And when and if he
00:10:33
wants to come back and join you, he'll come back and join you." And so these
00:10:37
things kind of became normalized in the sense of like, and like I said, I also had friends who had Down syndrome. So
00:10:42
that and that's a whole another can of worms of like how um how you interact
00:10:47
with people and how you understand how they operate and how to communicate with them and things like that. And so I
00:10:51
think there was this level of patience that got taught to me when I was a kid and in high school and stuff where I was
00:10:57
like, "Okay, like everyone is just unique and different and you have to learn how people operate and like you
00:11:02
just kind of have to be okay with that and show patience and and grace and mercy, right, to those people to kind of
00:11:08
be like, "Okay, where are you at? Like let me talk to you. Like I can tell you're upset or whatever." Um, but
00:11:14
that's not the case for everybody. A lot of people have that like they kind of
00:11:18
like they ignore or they like live in denial that like these things are real, right? That people's brains are wired
00:11:26
differently. Um, and so I think that's it's something I'm learning more now as
00:11:32
I'm as we're watching the world um view autism uh through the lens of our
00:11:37
political system now. But but I don't know what my question is here. I'm to be honest I'm kind of
00:11:44
blanking but but I think it's um it's interesting do you have a point where
00:11:53
you kind of was it through school that you went like okay now like I get it like I'm autistic that's like where it
00:11:59
clicked for you or had you kind of had suspicions before that if that makes sense like I know I'm kind of asking the
00:12:06
same question I already asked but like was there a point where you like it literally was like light bulb moment
00:12:11
like oh I got it like this is the thing. Yeah. So, I I always knew that I was different in some way um growing up, but
00:12:22
I never understood why. And so, because of that, I would just constantly beat myself up over it. Yeah. And it kind of
00:12:30
turned into this like it turned into low selfworth because it's like okay like
00:12:40
um people didn't want to be my friend because I was weird or um because like I
00:12:48
would just like emotionally shut down if I was over stimulated and it took it to
00:12:53
like oh she's just being a brat right now. she's just she just wants to be a
00:12:58
problem. Um, but in reality, I was just I didn't know how to communicate my needs at the time because I wasn't told
00:13:09
that my needs were legitimate. Um, and that it was just uh me just being a bad person. Yeah.
00:13:20
Um but then like when I started studying child development and you know studying
00:13:24
the signs of like okay this is what a neurotypical um child looks like this is how they will behave um these are the
00:13:33
certain signs um like I don't know if you've ever heard of Sigman and Freud um
00:13:39
but those are two very well-known psychologists who talk about human development and child development and
00:13:44
kind of what is expected at each stage of life. Um but when the child like doesn't
00:13:55
follow those stereotypical stages that you can expect to see at certain ages, um then
00:14:03
that would be those would be the signs that like okay maybe it's time to get
00:14:07
evaluated. And so, um, one of the most common tools that can, it's not a tool I
00:14:16
would say like, oh, if you do this and you score a certain way, then you definitely have autism. But it's, it's a
00:14:22
good first step in getting that diagnosis and kind of understanding like what's normal, what's not normal. And
00:14:31
this is called the RADS test. Um, I'm not sure if you ever heard of it, but basically um like you can search it up
00:14:38
online and it it tests it's like a questionnaire that scores you in different sections of thinking like your
00:14:47
relationships, your uh pattern recognition or hobbies or habits, all that stuff.
00:14:55
And it's if you score under 60, you're most likely not you're most likely
00:15:02
neurotypical. But if you score above 60, then it could be they'll say like, okay, like, yeah, this could be a sign
00:15:11
you have autism. And then it'll kind of break down your scores into showing like
00:15:17
what thinking patterns are most associated with like what type of autism or like what type of uh or it could show
00:15:24
like sense of dyslexia or ADHD. Um so that's a really good first place to start. Um because if you do
00:15:34
that then it can either kind of like reaffirm suspicions of potentially having autism and it can like lead you
00:15:42
on the path of getting professionally diagnosed. And so like I said um the if you're if you score above
00:15:50
60 chances are you may be autistic. I scored a 147. So I'm like okay this is
00:15:57
definitely a sign. But unfortunately since I didn't have like you know I'm 24
00:16:04
years old living in California as a substitute teacher I don't make a lot of
00:16:09
money and so because of that I don't have the resources I need to get professionally diagnosed but
00:16:16
unfortunately because of the current um climate like with RFK creating a autism registry it's probably safer for me now
00:16:26
that I never got diagnosed which is so unfortunate cuz on one hand I would have loved to have been um formerly
00:16:36
diagnosed. I would have loved to know exactly what like what parts of me that were not
00:16:45
considered normal and be able to get the resources I needed um to to kind of navigate those
00:16:53
different areas of my developmental delays. But at the same time, like I said, it's probably like as
00:17:02
of now in my best interest that I was never diagnosed officially. Yeah. No, I Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. Is is
00:17:11
autism like is it a spectrum of like because I I know I I know people who are autistic who
00:17:20
are like fully functioning very independent yourself included who like they can do life on their own and I also
00:17:28
know people who are almost like nonverbal like very severe case of autism so to speak but is it is it
00:17:38
labeled on a spectrum or is there a way of grading being like where you sit on it, do you know? Um, yeah, that's a
00:17:44
great question. So, yeah, it is a spectrum. Okay. Um, but there are like different levels
00:17:52
of needs. So, there's like high functioning autism, autistic people. So, like people who are able to live on
00:17:57
their own, uh, have relationships, uh, have jobs. Um so basically they can survive among neurotypical people but
00:18:11
there are people who are on the lower end of spec who are on the other end of the spectrum who are higher need. So
00:18:20
there are like there'll be people who are 50 years old and they have autism and they're still living with their
00:18:26
families because they need that support. um like some like I so with my special ed class I have about I want to say 11
00:18:36
students and I have some students who are very high functioning they're able
00:18:42
to have conversations they're able to use the bathroom on their own um they're
00:18:47
able to read a bit because it's kindergarten and then I have students on the other end of
00:18:55
the spectrum who can't communicate at all they have to wear pampers. Um, and they are just
00:19:04
higher they they need more support in order to live like a normal life. um how and then there's like also um
00:19:15
Angelman syndrome which um I don't know how much you know about it but I know
00:19:20
there was one family um I'm not going to name them just for like their own privacy um who had a
00:19:27
daughter with Angelman syndrome and so for her that included seizures um being nonverbal uh couldn't walk on her
00:19:40
own. But that didn't change the fact that she was still a person. It didn't
00:19:46
change the fact that, you know, even though she can't communicate in the ways
00:19:51
that we can understand. She still has her own thoughts, she still um she can still feel like it's not just
00:20:05
because like someone's outward abilities don't match what other like neurotypical people doesn't mean that
00:20:13
they're any less of a person. doesn't mean that they have any less value,
00:20:16
right? It just means they need a little help. And in all honesty, like we all need help at some point in our lives.
00:20:24
And just for some people, it's more longterm than others. I think it's really one of the things I found most
00:20:30
interesting and and kind of specifically this last year of my life, but even before that, I just I hadn't even
00:20:37
recognized it, but like being an entrepreneur and and meeting other entrepreneurs, working in the podcasting
00:20:44
arena, I I meet a lot of people. I network. I also get to hear a lot of interviews with people. And what I've
00:20:50
learned is that entrepreneurs tend to be people who think very differently than the average
00:20:58
person. Um, and it's it's something in the wiring, whether that is like neurody
00:21:03
diverency or it's just their personality or whatever, but like they do they operate completely different. And it's
00:21:10
been interesting because this past year I feel like more and more of the entrepreneurs that I'm meeting are
00:21:15
really vocal about the fact that they're like, I have ADHD. I have dyslexia. I'm
00:21:20
autistic. I'm I'm XYZ. Right? They're they're they're kind of claiming it,
00:21:26
right, as like this this kind of like ownership identity thing. And they're like, "That is what sets me in my
00:21:32
business. That's part of what sets me in my business apart because we approach
00:21:36
this in a different way than anybody else would." Um, and so it it's been
00:21:43
kind of this like fascinating thing to be kind of a peer to some of these people. in a way. Um because I'm like I
00:21:52
some of the some of these people I've known for a while. I've known for a
00:21:55
number of years and I never my brain's just stupid. I guess I just never put it together that I'm
00:22:01
like, "Oh, they are like this way." Like I'm just like, "Oh, that's just so and
00:22:04
so, right? They're just that's just their quirkiness." Um and then this past
00:22:07
year of them kind of being more vocal about the fact they're like, "No, I
00:22:10
think this way and that's why my business has succeeded because we operate differently." It goes to your
00:22:17
point of like autistic people are they're people too, right? And also as you go down that that spectrum into
00:22:24
people who cannot care for themselves like I I also had friends who yeah had siblings that that couldn't care for
00:22:31
themselves but they were still people and the the joy and the happiness that they would bring to their family's lives
00:22:38
and their friends lives. It's just in a different way. the value that they add
00:22:42
to the world is different than like the value that you or I add to the world. It's not that they're not bringing
00:22:51
value, it's just not the type of it's not the same value, if that makes sense.
00:22:55
Like, and I don't want to discount it in any way, but it's just it it's been I
00:23:00
don't know. I've been thinking a lot more about that recently of like, wow, I
00:23:04
actually did have this kind of diverse experience of knowing all these people who I viewed them all as people, but
00:23:10
they just we all brought something different to the table and we could all like we shared that we had like humanity
00:23:16
is what we shared in common. We're all humans. We're all like we have these
00:23:19
things. Um I don't know. I I it's just to your point about like RFK, it's
00:23:26
like right now we're in this strange battle of like what is value, what is human value,
00:23:36
and what do we bring to the table, what do we add, and and things like that. And
00:23:39
it's very it's hard to hear someone get up on stage and say things like, you know,
00:23:45
autistic people will never pay taxes and they'll never basically contribute to
00:23:49
society in any way. It's like that's just Um, and it's And we know it's
00:23:55
because you and I have both experienced people who we see the value that they've brought to the table of
00:24:02
just being who they are regardless of whether they can work a job or not, you know. So for those of us who are
00:24:12
not in the like myself who's atypical, right? who who's neurotypical, are there
00:24:21
what what are the best ways that I think we can like support you and figure out like when it comes to an like living
00:24:31
with an autistic person or living with someone who has ADHD, are there things that we should because we have to
00:24:36
educate ourselves as well, I guess is is my point I'm making, but like is there a
00:24:41
best place to go to do that? Yeah, that's a great question. So, there are actually
00:24:48
um there there's one person I don't know if you've ever watched Love on the
00:24:52
Spectrum, but basically it's a show about people on the spectrum navigating romantic relationships. And even though
00:25:01
a lot of people just watch it as, oh, it's reality TV, I think that show in itself is so helpful because it
00:25:11
shows like the realness of not just navigating romantic relationships, but also navigating like communication
00:25:19
styles. Um, like for me, I said earlier, um, I have a hard time understanding social cues. I have a hard time reading
00:25:30
subtext. And so for me personally, I would say the biggest way to support someone with
00:25:39
autism is just to use direct communication because we don't look for any we don't look for the subtext
00:25:47
because we don't have the tools to be able to see it. And so like I'll give an
00:25:54
example for my dating life. Um, this is actually like really sad example, but someone could say like, oh, like I think
00:26:05
we should be friends. And for me, an autistic person, I'll be like, okay, great. A friend. Like, let's do things
00:26:12
that friends do. But in reality, that just means I don't want to talk to you
00:26:15
anymore. And it's just like just be clear about it, dude. Well, I have I have an example on that cuz I had a
00:26:21
friend in college who was autistic and he was he was high functioning. He lived in the dorms with us. He was super nice
00:26:28
guy. Anyway, lived on the same floor my freshman year. Him and I got along decently well. And I think the reason we
00:26:34
got along really well was that I understood that you have to just tell him straight out what it is that you
00:26:42
need. There was there was no You could not like mask it in the like colloquial politeness because he didn't
00:26:50
understand it. And so it was funny because there were all these instances and all these people who I don't think
00:26:56
that they got that they just they were like they would kind of hold him at an arms
00:27:01
length and and and you know they they were like yeah we're friends and whatever and then it would come to like
00:27:07
doing friend stuff like you're talking about and they would be like do we really want to invite him and it's like
00:27:13
if you don't want to invite him you just say this is not a party for you like
00:27:18
plain and simple if that's what you want Right. But I was like, but you guys
00:27:22
dancing around the issue makes it harder for him to operate as a human being. You
00:27:28
need to just like tell him. And so it was funny because one of the I I was dating this girl at the time
00:27:35
and we were hanging out and he came up and he was very proactively hitting on her. Um, and I was like, "Oh, okay.
00:27:44
Interesting." And I took him aside and I said, "Hey, I just I just want to let
00:27:47
you know like we're we're currently dating." Um, and like, you know, you're
00:27:54
you're stepping on my turf. And uh, and he was like, "Oh, dude, not a problem."
00:28:00
Like, as easy as that, it was over. It was done with nothing. And it was so funny to me because other people were
00:28:06
like, "How did you get how did you get him to knock it off?" And I was like, "I
00:28:09
just told him what was going on in plain in English. There was no like, "Hey,
00:28:15
like I just don't know, you know, it was just plain and simple. I'm dating this
00:28:19
person. I would really appreciate it if you like didn't hit on them. Like it
00:28:23
just seems inappropriate." Yeah. Exactly. Or like another example would be like I would ask someone, I'd be
00:28:30
like, "Oh, would you like to come over for dinner?" Cuz in my mind, like I like
00:28:35
to make food and like I like to make food for people. Food is my love language. And so someone could take that
00:28:43
and they could be like, "Oh, she wants something longterm." And then they would
00:28:48
tell me like, "Oh, I'm busy right now, but later." And so in my mind, I'm
00:28:53
thinking, "Okay, they're busy right now. I'll make them dinner later." like
00:28:58
these. It It's It's so frustrating because if they had just like communicated like, "Oh, are you
00:29:08
asking me on a date?" I could say yes or I could say no. I could make it very
00:29:14
clear what my intentions are. But since we constantly dance around this idea of politeness, you're taking away my
00:29:22
ability to communicate with you because you're not giving me the tools that I
00:29:27
need to show you what I'm trying to say. I think that's that's a key that's just
00:29:33
such a key point is just like understanding that yeah it's like if you don't
00:29:41
have if you don't have that function in your brain to like just like read the
00:29:45
subtext of it. It's like and and like I'm not going to say I I also I think
00:29:51
struggle with that. think that's more of a homeschool socialization aspect of
00:29:56
like also sometimes I don't get the subtext but not to the degree of an autistic person but it but it is
00:30:03
interesting to like you said it's just like just tell me straight up yes or no
00:30:07
like it's not going to hurt maybe it will hurt your feelings but like it's
00:30:11
not it's going to benefit me in the long run if you're just straight with me as
00:30:17
opposed to let's just dance around this whole thing and pretend you know let's
00:30:21
be atypical for a second and pretend about whatever. It's like this just like
00:30:26
it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work with any of my friends who
00:30:30
are autistic. It's like I'm just like I have to just say no. Yes. No. Maybe. You
00:30:36
know, I feel like in the end it in the long run, like if you're just dancing around
00:30:44
politeness, that's just like more offensive to me because you're basically
00:30:50
telling me like, "Oh, I don't trust you to react well to this." Which when
00:30:57
people treat me like that, it feels like it's kind of like an attack on my character. It's
00:31:03
like, I understand that you can just not want to hang out with someone, but I need you to tell me that. Yeah. So that
00:31:11
way I can react appropriately. But since people like don't want to do that and
00:31:17
they hide behind the niceness of it to try to like not hurt your feelings, it's
00:31:22
just it's just like going way over my head, dude. And so like I have made it a
00:31:28
point to like start telling people straight up like I am autistic. I need direct communication. If at any point
00:31:37
you don't want to like be seeing me anymore, if you don't want to hang out,
00:31:42
just tell me. And it would make it so much easier for me to like, you know, just hear that and be like, "Okay,
00:31:51
cool." and move on rather than like trying to constantly decode subtext. Does that also go the opposite direction
00:32:00
too where you find that like when you communicate with people and you're presented with that
00:32:05
option, right? Like that you're just more direct with people of like like like you brought up the dating
00:32:14
thing, right? Of like oh like I'm kind of busy right now like we'll do dinner
00:32:17
another time. where if you're not feeling it, are you more do you tend to be a lot more just direct of like, hey,
00:32:24
I'm just like not feeling this and like I don't really want to do dinner or or
00:32:28
have you or do you we talked about masking a little bit or do you kind of have you started masking it where you're
00:32:34
like okay like I do the kind of like uh I'm just like really busy right now like
00:32:38
life's just kind of a little nuts. When I when I try to date people, you know,
00:32:43
I'll go out with them and like if I'm not feeling it, I usually just don't say
00:32:48
anything, but if they reach out to me, I'll just say, "Hey, you know, you're cool, but I'm not
00:32:55
feeling it. Sorry." That's it. Move on. They get the message. I don't I won't ever say like, "Oh, I'm
00:33:03
busy right now. Like, maybe later." because like I don't want to communicate
00:33:08
that there's going to be a later if I already know there's not going to be.
00:33:12
Yeah. You know. Yeah. I get Yeah, that totally answered my question of just like that communication of like you you
00:33:21
need the clarity. So that that's I guess what what I was asking is like you need
00:33:24
the clarity of people to tell you like hey like this is you know tell me point blank, right? So that's what I was
00:33:30
wondering is like do you also just feed it back point blank if that makes sense?
00:33:34
Um, yeah, pretty much. Because it's like, why would I say maybe later on something I don't intend on following
00:33:42
through? Like, oh yeah, we'll hang out sometime. I'll be like, okay, when like
00:33:47
let's do it. Because I don't realize that it's just a way of being polite,
00:33:53
you know? And I think like now that I'm like separated from it and I'm like
00:33:58
talking about it, it's easier for me to spot. But like if I'm in the moment and
00:34:05
someone's just trying to politely curve me, it'll just go over my head. Like
00:34:10
it's it's so frustrating because it's like on top of that, like if I like someone and I'm
00:34:19
saying like, "Oh, we should get dinner like sometime." And they're like, "Oh,
00:34:24
I'm busy later." Then I think, "Okay, they're busy later." And then I just
00:34:28
wait for them to stop being busy, you know? Right. You know what's so funny, too, is
00:34:35
that I think even within my own life, like I'm I'm guil I'm I'm guilty of the like, oh,
00:34:43
life's just really busy right now. Like, we'll just let's circle back. Let's, you
00:34:46
know, we'll come back to it, right? And it's kind of sometimes with that
00:34:49
intention of like it's either sometimes it is like I just need to kick the can down the road a little
00:34:55
bit. like I genuinely am really busy, but a but a lot of times it's like I just don't want to do that thing at that
00:35:01
moment that that person is inviting me to do. And what I've realized is like I
00:35:06
get frustrated when people do that to me, right? And I'm like I just want a clear answer.
00:35:11
Yeah. But I also don't give a clear answer half of the time either. So I'm
00:35:15
like us having this conversation, I'm like maybe I should just start giving very blunt clear answers of like, nah, I
00:35:20
don't really want to do that. Like let's do something else instead in a week and
00:35:24
a half, you know? Um because I I almost think it would just be better than us trying to like we've been
00:35:31
talking about this whole dancing around the situation of like kind of just hinting at you know they'll get the
00:35:38
message eventually. It's like no like people just let's just not why do we
00:35:43
leave why do we leave things to like we have to decipher them as humans? Let's
00:35:46
just actually like point blank tell each other. I don't want to do that. Yeah.
00:35:51
Like I I've had I definitely had moments where like it's like when a friend
00:35:56
invites you to their birthday party and you know you're they're your friend and
00:36:03
you know you want to be nice and celebrate them but you also just like don't have the
00:36:09
energy. Like I wouldn't tell them like oh sorry I'm really busy that day or I'm
00:36:15
really busy today. It looks like I won't be able to make it. I'll just like tell
00:36:18
them like straight up like, "Hey, like I don't have the energy right now to do
00:36:23
this. Sorry." And that's it. because like like if they're my friend and I
00:36:30
care about them, I want them to be aware of like where my heart is at, you know,
00:36:37
and like I'm not showing up to your birthday party because I don't care about you as a
00:36:43
person, but I recognize my own needs and that I need to respect those needs, but
00:36:49
I also respect our relationship. So, I'm going to tell you straight up instead of
00:36:53
lying to your face to protect your feelings because I trust you. I trust that you know who I am as this person. I
00:37:00
trust that you know I care about you and you know if I tell you like, hey, I'm really tired or I'm really low
00:37:08
energy right now, then I just trust that to be respected. And also, if you build
00:37:13
a good enough relationship with that person, if they really need you or want you at whatever that situation is, they
00:37:21
will also hopefully feel like they have the ability to communicate that to you, right? To say, "Hey, I actually really
00:37:28
need you at this or I it it bothers me that you can't make it, but I can respect it." Or, you know, whatever. But
00:37:35
like, yeah, I think having that openness of being able to talk transparently and
00:37:40
just be your true authentic self I think is like it's very powerful because to your point
00:37:46
of like if you have a good if you have a solid friendship with somebody and you guys respect each other and you honor
00:37:52
each other's boundaries and things like that it's like then there really won't
00:37:56
be an issue of like you communicating exact your needs with that person you know and them doing it back to you.
00:38:03
Um, I think I do want to kind of pivot just just a little bit and and talk a little bit
00:38:11
about the the like family dynamic of like growing up in a family where maybe a sibling or your parents
00:38:21
are not neurode divergent, right? Not on the spectrum. like that's that can be very taxing um on
00:38:34
them as well. Um but also for you, I'm sure that that's also can be a frustration. I mean, we've kind of
00:38:43
talked about that already, but I guess where I want to go with that is more of like now that you now that you
00:38:54
understand yourself better and you've kind you've come to okay, I know this
00:38:58
about myself. I know that this is how my brain works. How has that changed your relationship with your sisters and with
00:39:05
your dad and and things like that? like how how how have you been able to communicate to them like I this is how I
00:39:12
am like take it or leave I don't know is it a take it or leave it situation is it
00:39:16
like hey I think I need this from you like how how has that shifted so um like I said before like since I never had
00:39:24
like a diagnosis growing up um they had kind of always seen like my autistic behaviors as like misbehavior
00:39:35
like me intentionally like being a problem or like being bad, but in reality, like if I was like having a
00:39:42
meltdown, it was most likely because I was over stimulated, but I didn't know
00:39:46
how to communicate that. And so now that I have an understanding of how my brain works, like
00:39:56
if like some like let's say like someone's like talking too loud at me, I'll just straight up say, "Hey, I'm
00:40:02
over stimulated. Can you shut up please?" like for a second. Um, and then they'll be like, "Oh, okay." Yeah.
00:40:10
Um, and then like sometimes like I'll be talking to my sisters about whatever.
00:40:17
Like I'll be telling them like about a situation I'm in and then they'll kind
00:40:21
of like have to translate for me like, "Oh, this person said this, but they
00:40:26
really mean that." Um, and it's it's still hard in some ways because it's like I had a family member
00:40:38
ask me a while ago like, "Hey, do you think you could take like one of those
00:40:42
classes for autistic people and learning how to talk?" Cuz it would really help
00:40:46
me. And I'm just sitting there thinking, I'm like, "Why don't you take class on
00:40:51
how to learn how to talk to autistic people? The fuck?" like um it it it can be really
00:41:01
tiring because something I've noticed is that like in schools um the reason that
00:41:11
special ed classes, one of the things that special ed classes do is they have social emotional learning time which is
00:41:16
basically like it it's like giving directions on how to communicate or how to behave in certain scenarios, which
00:41:26
you know, okay, that's needed. But at the same time, neurotypical people aren't being given that same that same
00:41:38
education in how to talk to neurode divergent people. And I think it kind of goes back to this idea that like, oh, if
00:41:47
you're neurode divergent, like your way of communicating isn't the right way. it
00:41:52
isn't the preferred way and you have to adjust to fit in with everybody else and
00:41:57
it's like why don't we just both learn how to communicate with each other you
00:42:02
know 100% agree I mean I think we brought it up before it's like for me as someone who's not neurode
00:42:11
divergent it it's like it took me learning patience to get there like Um, I I the best example I can come up
00:42:25
with was somewhat recently. So, I worked at I worked at a toy store and we would
00:42:29
do birthday parties and and typically typically like when kids have a birthday now, I guess it's like you
00:42:35
invite your whole class of kids um that you're at school with, right, to come to
00:42:39
your birthday party. And so this one group came in and one of the boys, it was very obvious that he just was he was
00:42:46
the black sheep of the group. He was the outcast, unfortunately. And again, this is not to pat myself on
00:42:53
the back. It but just like I I clocked it immediately. I was like, "Okay, this
00:42:59
kid is going to need special attention, and that's okay. I can give that." Um,
00:43:05
and so, so it was interesting because he just he he was really he was like hyperfocused on like very specific
00:43:12
thing. We do it was a it was a Lego store and basically we would build the birthday parties consisted of we would
00:43:17
build race cars and race them down a track to figure out who had the fastest car. So, super fun, you know, great
00:43:24
time. And he was like super hyperfocused on this one element of like I don't know
00:43:30
if it was like beating his score or making it faster or making it light, whatever it was, it was just this like
00:43:35
super hyperfocused thing. And it was funny cuz he just would come kept coming and talking to me about this one thing
00:43:40
and he would repeat it over and over and over again. And so I was like I started
00:43:44
to realize that I was like okay my response to him is not he either needs to hear it a couple of times or I'm not
00:43:52
responding in the way he needs me to respond to get him to like continue on the thought if
00:43:58
that makes sense. Um like he he was just hyperfixated on this one thing. And it was so funny. So we would come and I
00:44:04
started like kind of saying different things but I never got to a point of like hey like stop like I'm not doing
00:44:11
this anymore. like you're annoying me with like, you know, bringing up the same thing over and over again. Um, and
00:44:17
his mom came up to me afterwards and was like, "How did you have the patience to
00:44:21
do that when you also you're dealing with him, but you're also dealing with
00:44:25
like the nine other kids that are in the room who are also running up to you and
00:44:28
being like, "Hey, put my car up next. Put my car up next." And and the thing
00:44:33
was that I was just like, "Well, I grew up with people like this." this. And so
00:44:37
I think that it just was like this like I I felt like she's like you made it clear that you had seen him and that
00:44:46
you acknowledged him and like you would tell him when he needed to wait, but you also then would go back
00:44:56
to him when he when you were ready. Um, and I think that's what like I don't
00:45:02
know. It worked out really well, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. And I'm I'm trying to remember why why this
00:45:07
came up, but it was just that that process of learning how to communicate with this other person where it's like
00:45:12
all the rest of the kids I could very easily say like, hey, you need to like get in a straight line. And he couldn't
00:45:17
understand some of those directions. So, it was just learning to it was having to
00:45:22
sit there and be like, how do I communicate this to this kid in a way that he that makes sense to him that
00:45:28
continues with the birthday party where I don't give him all the attention, I
00:45:31
give him the attention he needs. It's a It's a crazy mind juggle. Like I think
00:45:36
that's why I bring it up is like it's it's as someone who doesn't think that
00:45:40
way, it's very hard. But to your point about having a family member be like,
00:45:46
"Why didn't you take classes to learn how to communicate?" Well, it's like it
00:45:50
is very valid of you to say, "Well, why flip it back on that person and say,
00:45:54
"Well, why don't you take classes to learn how to how to communicate with
00:45:56
someone who has autism?" It's like, "Yeah, duh." Because I mean, what's the
00:46:00
number at this point of like one in how many kids has autism? I think it's one
00:46:05
in 36. It's up there. It's not And it's no longer this like, well, nobody has autism, you know, like
00:46:14
back in my day, nobody had autism. It's like that that is more of an undiagnosed
00:46:18
thing than it is nobody had autism. Um, it more has to do with the fact that you
00:46:24
guys didn't have the tools to diagnose these people. Um, and understand that.
00:46:28
And so it's like on top of that, I I had a conversation with my dad. He was like,
00:46:33
"Well, back in my day, you know, there weren't all these labels." And you know,
00:46:37
people were just people. And I don't understand why people can't just be
00:46:41
people. And it's like, okay, yeah, there weren't labels, but there were also no
00:46:46
resources. Like, people weren't getting the help that they needed. I didn't get
00:46:51
the help that I needed. And because of that, it made me severely depressed um among other things. But like and it made
00:47:00
me feel like I was bad or I was wrong for existing and I didn't feel like I mattered in
00:47:10
that way. Yeah. But now that we're having so many more resources and ways to diagnose like in the past like autism
00:47:19
used to be diagnosed as schizophrenia and what did they do in the early days of mental health treatment? They did
00:47:25
electroshock therapy. They did labbotoies and just all these inhumane ways to treat
00:47:34
something like a sickness when it wasn't a sickness, it was a condition. And when
00:47:40
you have a the thing is a sickness can be cured, a condition can't. And you have to learn to live with the
00:47:47
condition. And that's that's like another thing too is just like when when you meet a person with
00:47:56
autism, you don't have to be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry you have autism." And I'm
00:48:02
just It's like, "Why are you apologizing?" Like, if anything, like I
00:48:07
feel like my autism helps me to see the world in a different way. Like it helps me to think outside of the box
00:48:17
and like for example like did I mention the runner kit before we start recording
00:48:23
or was that after? I don't remember. Go ahead. Go ahead again with that. Yeah.
00:48:27
Well anyways I had this one student who he he would run out of the classroom like if the door was unlocked he would
00:48:37
turn off the TVs that we were using. He would mess with the computers. He would tear down
00:48:43
[Music] um uh decorations in the classroom. And usually when he did something like that,
00:48:49
like the teacher would yell like not funny at him and they like pull him away and like make him go sit down and like
00:48:55
put him in timeout. But then I had one of the teachers ask me, they're like,
00:48:59
"We don't know what to do. Like what should we do with him cuz like he's not
00:49:02
getting that he can't do this?" And I was like, well, he's doing it because he's getting
00:49:10
a reaction because when he does something bad, that means he's getting your attention. It could be a sign that
00:49:15
this child does not get attention at home. So rather than just immediately like getting angry and yelling, "No, how
00:49:22
about let's try redirecting." And so it was like as soon as we started redirecting this kid, um the way we did
00:49:31
it was when he was like about to act up, what I would usually do is I grab him, I
00:49:34
sit him down, and I would give him a dry erase board and a marker. And one of the
00:49:39
things that he loved doing was drawing like different TV channel logos or like studio
00:49:47
logos. And then I would sit there with him and I'd be like, "Okay, can you draw
00:49:51
Disney for me? Can you draw Pixar?" Um, and so he'd be like, "Yeah." And and
00:49:57
then he'd like draw it and I'd be like, "That is such a good job. I think that
00:50:02
deserves a high five." And he get really excited. Give me a big old high five.
00:50:06
And then he'd erase it. And then like I would give him something else. And then
00:50:11
eventually we moved that from just drawing TV channel logos to drawing pictures of like school buses, of police
00:50:22
cars. And so redirecting that behavior um was just so helpful because after we started doing that, he didn't run. He
00:50:33
did or he did run occasionally, but when he tried to run, that just meant I need
00:50:38
attention. Please give me attention. And so once we started doing that with him, his behavior changed so much. Yeah.
00:50:47
And it's really just a matter of just like and I think this goes for not even just autistic children or
00:50:57
children on the spectrum, but it just goes for for people in general. Like a misbehavior is a sign that a need is not
00:51:04
being met and they're trying to get it met. Yeah. No, I I that's such an
00:51:08
interesting um observation because I've been thinking along similar lines of like looking at people in my
00:51:19
life and kind of recognizing things that maybe I don't agree with or I don't
00:51:25
like about that person, right? And and their actions. And to your point of like going trying to figure out what is the
00:51:32
root cause of why do they behave that way? Um, and so I think you made a great point in that
00:51:40
that's not exclusively we don't need to be exclusively looking at just like the
00:51:45
the the thought process behind like why does an autistic child like act this way
00:51:51
or misbehave, right? And like what's the, you know, but like that's a humanity thing of like why do we do the
00:51:58
actions that we do, good, bad, evil, wrong, good, you know, healthy, you know, all these things, right? What is
00:52:03
the root cause of it? And so that's I think very important. I think we need to a lot
00:52:09
of us need to take a look inside to kind of start to recognize some of those things about ourselves of like why do I
00:52:16
do the things I do? Um, and then have that hopefully that that ability to look at
00:52:25
other people and and recognize their actions is like, okay, what is what is behind that and let me look at that
00:52:31
instead of just looking solely at the action for what it is. Um, I don't know.
00:52:36
It's a helpful it's a helpful exercise, I think, to kind of like break that down
00:52:41
about like what makes us who we are uh today. And that's not an easy thing to
00:52:45
do. Uh but hopefully hopefully we can take some time and just like recognize that that's like what we need to do as a
00:52:54
society is like why do why do people act the way they do you know it's not always
00:53:00
stemming from really evil stuff or you know Yeah. And like that's another thing
00:53:07
too is like before um I would like to say like when I was younger, well I guess technically I was
00:53:13
still younger, but like a few months ago I used to really view the world as black
00:53:18
and white. It's like okay, you're either good or you're bad. Um and it's like if you're a good
00:53:25
person, you'll do good things. If you're a bad person, you'll do bad things. But
00:53:29
the reality is life itself is not that simple. I was thinking to kind of to drive this a little bit back to the
00:53:37
homeschooling world of like it's such an interesting thing to me to look at the the reasoning behind
00:53:46
why people choose to homeschool their kids. Um it there's a variety of reasons
00:53:52
people do it. Some people do it for religious reasons. Some people do it because of their view on the current
00:53:57
state of our education system. Some people do it um because that's the way they were raised, right? and they're
00:54:02
like, I'm just I'm just continuing the the track, right? Um some people do it
00:54:07
because they have kids who have autism or learning um difference and disability and so they're like, "Okay, let me put I
00:54:15
can I can be a better source for like tailoring their education to match where they are, right?"
00:54:22
Um there's a lot of reasons that could go into homeschooling. And I think what's so interesting is that
00:54:33
like our I look at it like there there was this weird I think there was a weird stigma
00:54:43
around like the mental I don't want to say mental health but there was a weird
00:54:48
stigma around like autism and Asperers and Down syndrome and and ADD and ADHD and like all these different things that
00:54:55
were happening. dyslexia, all these things that were happening inside the homeschool community, but all these
00:54:58
people were doing they they a lot of them had kids who had something in that vein, right? Um but
00:55:06
yet we didn't never talk about it. We didn't like there was a lot of there's a
00:55:10
lot of people I mean I've even realized now talking to more people. I'm like my
00:55:13
family, we pretty openly talked about it within ourselves, which I think is what
00:55:17
led to me being much more like having that patience to kind of like, okay, we just got to like learn how to deal with
00:55:24
everybody's different, right? Um, but there's so many other people I've talked
00:55:27
to now who are like, oh yeah, like my family like lived in denial or like refused to get me like you talked about
00:55:34
like your your parents didn't diagnose you with anything. So, it's like you you
00:55:38
lived 18 plus years of your life being undiagnosed knowing that something was different and something was potentially
00:55:45
off because you didn't see yourself as operating the same way everyone else did. And so, there's this weird stigma
00:55:51
around it where it's like why are we denying people the ability to like find
00:55:56
out the way that they operate um and then not like openly talking about it because it's just it's their operating
00:56:03
system in their body, right? It's just this is how it is. Why do we not want to
00:56:07
give them the tools and the resources they need to operate at the best capacity they could possibly do? Um, I
00:56:15
don't know. Have you talked at all like with your dad about why they wouldn't have I mean you
00:56:23
said you were four before you spoke. Like was there a reason behind why they wouldn't have taken you in to get
00:56:30
diagnosed or looked at? That's a great question. Um, we hadn't really talked about it, but that's also
00:56:40
because like my my dad wasn't around all the time and that was just because he
00:56:46
was constantly working. He was a first responder, so he was gone all the time. And so the
00:56:53
only person that was around was my biological mom. Um, and there I think you know growing up in
00:57:05
the early 2000s like how mental health was really not something that was thought of. It was just like oh if kids
00:57:14
displaying a behavior you don't want you have to discipline it them out like them
00:57:18
out of it. Yeah. Like for example, um one thing that I didn't like was I didn't like people getting near my
00:57:26
mouth. And so rather than rather than you know finding a or actually let me back this up a little bit um because
00:57:39
I realized I didn't give context. So, I didn't like people around my mouth and
00:57:44
because of that it led to issues of trying to get me to brush my teeth. Um, and so, you know, rather than
00:57:55
uh like making the I like the task of brushing your teeth fun or finding like ways
00:58:03
to like gently introduce me to it so I could do it. What she what my biological mom would do was she would spank me
00:58:12
super hard and then, you know, as I opened my mouth to cry, she would shove the toothbrush in there and start
00:58:17
brushing my teeth. And because of that, that just made me associate brushing my teeth with pain.
00:58:26
And so then when I got older and I was able to like brush my teeth on the on my own,
00:58:33
I just didn't want to do it. and that led to dental issues. Um, just because it
00:58:42
wasn't it wasn't prepared for me in a way that I could take it positively and
00:58:49
that had negative effects down the line. And then like also I feel like a might even still stand true for some
00:58:57
parents today, but they feel like if their kid has a mental health issue, two things. one, they're making it up for
00:59:05
attention, or two, it's a sign that they failed as a parent. And cuz like that
00:59:12
that was something like I'm pretty sure you probably heard that saying growing
00:59:16
up like, "Oh, mental health is just all in your head." And it's like I mean,
00:59:21
yeah, mental health is like, "Where did my mental capabilities come from? My
00:59:27
brain, right? You're not wrong, but you're wrong at the same time." Like
00:59:31
it's like one of those sayings that's like right and wrong. Yeah. Yeah. So
00:59:36
there's that. And then like with the issues of mental health like it's not
00:59:41
it's not always caused by environment, you know, like some people just have chemical imbalances. And it's like for
00:59:50
example, you wouldn't tell someone with diabetes, oh, it's all in your head.
00:59:56
Like actually it's in my blood. And because I have diabetes, I need insulin.
01:00:02
Okay. And it's just like that with uh mental health issues as well. Um like di having diabetes doesn't
01:00:11
necessarily mean that like oh you only did some like it's your fault. It's cuz
01:00:15
you didn't take care of your health. Like no, diabetes can also like there can be a genetic factor in that as well.
01:00:21
This has been such a great conversation and it's hard to like put a cap on it
01:00:24
because I I enjoy talking to you so much. Um, but I do want to point people to like is there a best like I don't know
01:00:37
maybe you don't have an answer for this but is there a best resource or something for people who are wanting to
01:00:41
learn more about autism neurody diverency is there something somewhere you can point people
01:00:47
that's like hey this is like a good explainer of like that yeah so actually that's a
01:00:55
great question. Hold on, let me look up the name real quick because I want to make sure I am saying this right because
01:01:02
there is um this one creator I I think her name is Kayn Part or something. Um actually, let me look it up. So, she
01:01:16
was okay. Kayn Partllo. Um, so for those who don't know who Kayn Partllo is, um,
01:01:24
she was on season one of Love on the Spectrum and she is also, I believe she's a behavioral therapist. Um, and
01:01:32
she specifically works with children with autism. And so if you go to her page, she has a lot of great information
01:01:40
about communicating with people with um, who have special needs. Um she also wrote a book about
01:01:49
um living with autism. And so if there's any resource I could say would be a
01:01:55
really great starter just uh Kayla Parlo from Love on the Spectrum. Yeah, I just
01:02:01
looked up her YouTube channel and yeah, her videos look look very informative. So I'll put that in the show notes as
01:02:07
well so people can go check that out. Um and then what was that? You you mentioned a test earlier and I'm I'm
01:02:14
spacing on the name, but kind of like a baseline starting point of like figuring
01:02:17
out where do you sit on a neurode divergent spectrum basically? Yeah. So, it's called the RADS R test. So, it's
01:02:26
spelled R A Ds and then dash R. Um, it's in that's the acronym for it, but it's called
01:02:40
the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnosis Scale Revised. Um, so yeah, that's another great test to use to be like,
01:02:50
"Oh, I wonder if there's something a little different for me." Like that.
01:02:53
That's a really great source to use. Okay. So, yeah. Yeah. And I will, like I
01:02:58
said, I'll link all that stuff in the show notes below. I I hope that this conversation has been helpful for
01:03:04
somebody of like just kind of understanding that it's like autism is real. Um, but and autistic people have
01:03:12
they have a place in this world and they have meaning and they provide value and
01:03:16
there's a whole wide gamut and you know Alyssa's experience is is not the
01:03:22
universal experience but it but it is one it is an experience and I wanted to highlight it and I you know I so thank
01:03:30
you for coming on and being and being candid and transparent about it. I appreciate that and putting up with my
01:03:35
dumbass who doesn't know hardly inject about it. Um, so I appreciate that and um, yeah, and hopefully I would love
01:03:45
to have more conversations with people around neurody diverency because it's
01:03:49
something I'm interested in in learning more about and learning how to better understand and better protect
01:03:57
and better just like be there as an advocate and a support of that. Um, I think it's important and we're just we
01:04:05
everyone is uniquely different, right? And we we got to learn how to work together and it only happens through
01:04:10
education, education, education, education. Um, we got to be willing to learn about it. And so, um, so again, I
01:04:18
appreciate you coming on and being candid and transparent, um, with people. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for giving me
01:04:25
a platform to speak. Um, and then I don't know if this is something like this totally up to you if
01:04:31
you want to include it, but I recently decided I want to take up writing more and I I'm starting to write about like
01:04:38
the political climate. I really want to write about autism and so if you want to include it later,
01:04:44
I recently just made a Substack. So, I'll make sure it's linked in the show
01:04:48
notes below. Yeah, for people. But yeah, go follow Alyssa on Substack because that that'll be really cool and I'm
01:04:56
excited. I saw you posted like a poem or something. Yeah. Yeah. I posted a political po poem about
01:05:02
uh it was basically talking about like the constitution. So it's called all men
01:05:08
are created equal, but then I just pointed out the hypocrisies and like how we treat minorities in the country. And
01:05:16
so in case you're wondering like, oh, can autistic people write a poem? Well,
01:05:21
I wrote one and it was kind of badass. So you should go read it. Yeah. I'll make sure it's linked down in the
01:05:27
description below for people to go support. And uh yeah, anything else you want to shout out before we close things
01:05:34
out? Go watch Love on the Spectrum. It's very Okay, cool. Love on the Spectrum.
01:05:40
That's your homework for this week, folks. Go watch Well, I guess it'll be
01:05:42
probably more than a week, but that's your homework for right now. Go watch Love on the Spectrum. Go subscribe to
01:05:47
Alyssa Substack. Uh go watch some of uh Kayn Partllo's uh YouTube videos. Um,
01:05:54
maybe take a test. We'll see. Maybe take the RADS test, the RADS R test. Maybe,
01:05:59
maybe not. Um, and you know what? Also, subscribe to my newsletter. Um, all that's going to be linked in the
01:06:05
description uh below. But Alyssa, once again, I appreciate you. Thank you for coming on. And uh until next week, I'll
01:06:12
see you. All right. Peace. Peace. [Music] [Music]

Episode Highlights

  • Understanding Autism
    Alyssa explains autism as a neurological developmental disorder and its impact on perception.
    “Autism is a neurological developmental disorder.”
    @ 01m 04s
    May 15, 2025
  • The Importance of Acceptance
    Alyssa emphasizes the need for understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity.
    “If more people understood and accepted it, we could progress further.”
    @ 03m 35s
    May 15, 2025
  • The Spectrum of Autism
    Alyssa discusses the varying levels of autism and the needs of individuals on the spectrum.
    “It is a spectrum with different levels of needs.”
    @ 17m 44s
    May 15, 2025
  • The Value of Different Perspectives
    Everyone brings unique value to the table, regardless of their abilities.
    “Autistic people are people too, right?”
    @ 22m 20s
    May 15, 2025
  • Understanding Autistic Communication
    Direct communication is essential for supporting autistic individuals in social situations.
    “I need direct communication.”
    @ 31m 31s
    May 15, 2025
  • Navigating Relationships with Clarity
    Clear communication can prevent misunderstandings and foster better relationships.
    “Let’s just actually point blank tell each other.”
    @ 35m 46s
    May 15, 2025
  • Understanding Autism in Children
    A personal story about working with a child who needed special attention at a birthday party.
    “"This kid is going to need special attention, and that’s okay. I can give that."”
    @ 42m 53s
    May 15, 2025
  • The Importance of Communication
    Learning how to effectively communicate with children who have autism can be challenging yet rewarding.
    “"It’s a crazy mind juggle."”
    @ 45m 33s
    May 15, 2025
  • Redirecting Behavior
    Redirecting a child's behavior can lead to positive changes and better communication.
    “"A misbehavior is a sign that a need is not being met."”
    @ 51m 01s
    May 15, 2025
  • Resources for Understanding Autism
    Recommendations for resources and tools to better understand and communicate with autistic individuals.
    “"Kayn Partllo has a lot of great information about communicating with people with special needs."”
    @ 01h 01m 55s
    May 15, 2025
  • Understanding Autism
    This conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing the value of autistic individuals.
    “Autism is real, and autistic people have a place in this world.”
    @ 01h 03m 05s
    May 15, 2025
  • Alyssa's Writing Journey
    Alyssa shares her new Substack focused on autism and political issues.
    “I recently decided I want to take up writing more.”
    @ 01h 04m 33s
    May 15, 2025

Episode Quotes

  • I was constantly told like, 'Oh, you’re uncooperative. You’re stupid.'.
    What Happens When a Neurodivergent Kid Goes Undiagnosed in the Homeschool World? | #37
  • It’s probably safer for me now that I was never diagnosed officially.
    What Happens When a Neurodivergent Kid Goes Undiagnosed in the Homeschool World? | #37
  • Just be clear about it, dude.
    What Happens When a Neurodivergent Kid Goes Undiagnosed in the Homeschool World? | #37
  • Let’s just actually point blank tell each other.
    What Happens When a Neurodivergent Kid Goes Undiagnosed in the Homeschool World? | #37
  • "A misbehavior is a sign that a need is not being met.".
    What Happens When a Neurodivergent Kid Goes Undiagnosed in the Homeschool World? | #37
  • Autism is real, and autistic people have a place in this world.
    What Happens When a Neurodivergent Kid Goes Undiagnosed in the Homeschool World? | #37

Key Moments

  • What is Autism?00:52
  • Undiagnosed Struggles04:18
  • Value of Humanity23:16
  • Learning Together42:00
  • Toy Store Birthday Party42:27
  • The Outcast Kid42:46
  • Hyperfocus on Racing Cars43:14
  • Watch Love on the Spectrum1:05:36

Tension Over Time

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