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Mitch Wilson, welcome to my podcast. >> How's it going, mate? >> Good, mate. We finally got together.
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>> I know. Thank you. Um, yeah, thanks for replying to the email and uh allowing me
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to come on here. >> Thanks for reaching out. So, you're you're legally blind. You've got 5%
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vision. >> Yeah, pretty much. Um, in my right eye, I've got centrally about 5% or maybe
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slightly less. Um, luckily I've got some peripherals, but my left eye is totally
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blind. And yeah, my right eye is uh the peripherals don't really do too much in
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terms of detail, but they allow me to look mostly normal. So, >> yeah, it's a it's a hell of a backstory.
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Um, started when you were 17 when things started turning to [ __ ] Uh, so we'll
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unpack all of that, but yeah. So, what can you see? So, you pulled up in the RAV 4 just before um your partner
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driving, you hopped out. I don't know. I suppose I was expecting a dog or a cane.
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>> Yeah. Well, um I do qualify for a guide dog, but uh that actually a new thing,
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but uh with my eyesight, I do actually qualify for a complete guide dog, but I don't need that. Um so many people need
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that more than me, so I've never gone down that route. Um, but recently I found out that they uh do like low
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vision dogs now. Um, so they don't actually guide you as such, but they still help, which I may look into. So,
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>> um, yeah, it'll be pretty cool. It's h good having a dog in public, but we'll
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see what happens. I haven't applied yet. So, >> so you can see nothing out of your left
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eye? >> Yeah, it's totally black. >> Right. And out of your right eye?
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>> Uh, my right eye, yeah, sorry. I was, uh, centrally is about the size of a
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straw. So, what are we now? about a meter and a half, 2 meters away from each other.
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>> I can see your left eye socket and can't see your face, but then I can see from
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your shoulders down and I can see all the table and all that sort of stuff. So, um yeah, luckily my central dot,
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although small is still perfectly clear and my peripherals are just sort of uh big vague sort of things. So, I can
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still see most stuff, but like if I looked at you out of my peripherals, I can't tell it's you.
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>> So, yeah. So, you're able to use your phone. You're able to What about TV?
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Watching TV and things. >> Um, yeah, I can still use my phone, can still read. Um, I should probably
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proofread a bit more, but I tend not to. Um, but watching TV is, yeah, not too bad. I just see sort of people's faces.
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Um, can just scour around the screen and still make out what's happening most of
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the time. So, >> yeah. >> And is it is it going to get better or worse or?
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>> Uh, no. uh it just is what it is now. Um so luckily I still have some eyesight
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left. >> Uh I wasn't supposed to really but they didn't know where it was going to stop.
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So >> it was kind of a gradual process which was pretty terrifying but >> especially at that age.
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>> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And it's um uh very long story but the eyesight was
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uh what they said was they sort of just didn't know. So for the my my time frame
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is probably off, but for the couple of months that I thought it was deteriorating at the end, um
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it probably stopped where it is a bit sooner than I thought and I still thought it was getting worse. So I sort
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of didn't want to go to sleep. Couldn't couldn't go to bed cuz I thought I'd
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wake up and like wouldn't be able to see anything. um every night was walking around the
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house looking at, you know, family photos, photos of myself, all that sort of stuff, going, "Shit, is this the this
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the last time I'm going to see it?" Um, but then, yeah, just sort of stopped
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where it did and luckily left me with some. So, I still make do most of the time. So,
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>> yeah, >> it's a terrifying way to um to go to sleep or or to live your life. Um, but
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I'd imagine even more so at that age, like 17. Yeah. Well, I was we were I was
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19 when we found the tumor. >> Okay. >> Um >> 17 when it started and
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>> Yeah, it's when I started getting unwell and then it was uh a long time although
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only a year and a half or so in between. >> Um it was a pretty [ __ ] year and a half.
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>> Yeah. >> Uh so, excuse me. Sorry. Um yeah, I started getting sick and was
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going to doctors and all that sort of stuff. And my GP was awesome. M >> um he'd been my doctor my whole life
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basically. Um >> but yeah, he sent me to the specialists and all that and got turned away. Um
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>> specifically I ended up going to a neurologist in February of 2011. Um I
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won't say his name, but uh that was only about a month and a bit after the like
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dizziness and stuff started. So in 20 Oh [ __ ] What was the year? In 2010 when I was 17, I started getting quite rund
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down and quite sick. Was first year out of school being a bit of an idiot teenager I suppose. Uh you know,
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drinking too much and doing stupid stuff. Um was getting quite rund down and that's when all the sort of health
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stuff started. But then the start of 2011, I started getting severely dizzy. >> And for some reason, I just thought,
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ironically, it's like it was in my head, ironically. But um I I just thought I
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had a brain tumor just because of the severity of the dizziness and all that sort of stuff. And
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um yeah, I couldn't lie down cuz it felt like my head just kept going backwards
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through the pillow. um couldn't look up, couldn't just turn around cuz I just
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completely feel like I'm falling over. Um yeah, so the my doctor sent me to the
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private neurologist which I requested and the private neurologist completely poo pooed me basically and just said go
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away. Um said that it was benign peroximal positional vertigo which is from my understanding quite uncommon
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in such a young age. M >> um but if you looked at my list of symptoms from a professional standpoint,
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which I've been told since and all that sort of stuff with my list of list of
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symptoms, the reason h sorry the fact that I wasn't given a scan is crazy. >> So I actually requested a scan as well
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and you know it was a private system. So I said I'm willing to pay, happy to pay.
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I just want to make sure it's not that. Um but yeah, I was turned away and that's why it was uh subsequently
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medical misadventure or neglect. So >> how do you let go of that rage? Have you
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let go of that rage? >> H I mean, yeah, it is what it is now. Uh if you spoke to me in 2012, it certainly
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was a different story. >> Yeah. How long did it take you to get over it? >> Um
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>> I'd be [ __ ] off. Anyone anyone listening to this or watching this' be
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[ __ ] off and you'd have a right to >> I mean it's not going to get you
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anywhere. It's not not going to allow you to get on with your life, but I could I could see why you'd still be
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pissed about it. >> Yeah, it's I mean, yeah, there's more to the story which we'll get into with
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that, but I mean, when I was in hospital, um it's probably I don't know.
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I don't know what the the go might be, but it's probably lucky I didn't get
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arrested with some of the [ __ ] that I was saying. Um you know, >> you want to kill the guy at that point.
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>> Oh, yeah. [ __ ] [ __ ] Um especially, you know, like the the the the medical neglect is
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the only reason I'm blind. >> Um so my eyesight was avoidable. Uh the tumor was there. That's what it is. But
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if they caught it in February of 2011, my eyesight would have been fine. >> So the only reason my eyesight was
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damaged is because uh because I was the the tumor was missed by the neglect. Yeah,
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>> it was allowed to be there for another 14 months before we found it. And in
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that time, the uh intraraanial pressure got really high. So >> prolonged elevated intraraanial pressure
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is what caused the optic nerve atrophy. So yeah. >> So um you messaged me about coming on
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the podcast. What do you want people to feel when they hear your story? >> Um I kind of want
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Oh, I mean h how do you say it? I kind of I don't know how the hell it would come to
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fruition, but I'd like to enact change. Um want people to know that they should if
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they don't get the answer they want from their doctor, they should be arguing it.
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>> Um the doctors obviously do a bloody good job. They've got a a hard job,
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highly qualified, but at the same time, they can be lazy as hell. So, >> well, in in any line of work, in the
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medical profession is no difference. There's there's people that are really
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good at their jobs and people that are [ __ ] There's people that are good at
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their jobs that have [ __ ] days. >> Exactly. That's That's the thing.
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>> That's human error. >> That's the thing. And it's just um the
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the only difference would be when you're in the position of say the neurologist
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or any other medical professional, people's lives are in the balance, right? Um
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>> so they shouldn't I like everyone makes mistakes, but there's a difference
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between a mistake and a choice. >> Yeah. Um, so with the neurologist in my case, he just didn't want to fill
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out paperwork >> pretty much cuz when I ended up in hospital in April, uh, 2012, I was
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obviously, you know, I seen this guy did there, you know, like going off and they
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were like, why did he not give you a scan? >> Cuz of the symptoms I turned up with,
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um, they said in the public system, 99% chance I would have got a scan. So uh just because the symptoms
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>> said that it should have been treated that way. Yeah. So >> you know is what it is but yeah it's
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just the the unfortunate thing is that like you hear of so many cases >> and you know you get into the other side
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of things of ACC and all that sort of crap too and it is not easy. >> I I suppose for for your own um your
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mental health and sanity you you you just need to move on don't you? You can't just you can't dwell on it. It's
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just not healthy for you. >> Yeah, pretty much. It is like it just is what it is. [ __ ] happens. Carry on. You
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can still talk about it, but >> can't change it. >> No, you can't change what happens. It's
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um all you can control is your response, I suppose. >> So, who was Mitch Wilson before he got
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unwell? >> Um through college a bit of a bit of a [ __ ] but >> everyone is.
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>> Yeah. Yeah. Just the old growing up, eh? It's a bit of a bit of a niggly time for
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a lot of people. Um >> yeah, I don't know. Uh when I was a young kid, I was very sporty. It's uh
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you know, many kids like it, but kids are kids, right? You can't sort of blame
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them for being a little arrogant, >> cocky, little bugger, you know. >> But I was kind of I was kind of like
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that. Um but for me, sports was everything when I was a kid. And I was very determined to be the winner of
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whatever I entered. So, um, came to fruition most times when I was a kid, but then you sort of get to college and
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everyone starts growing and I didn't and, uh, you know, you start getting smashed on the rugby field cuz you're
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half the size of everyone and, um, yeah, definitely, I suppose, bumped the confidence a bit in terms of just, I
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suppose, personal growth and all that sort of stuff. But, uh, >> you know, that's everyone goes through
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that sort of stuff, don't they? So, >> what what were your plans or passions?
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Um, to be honest, I was pretty lost. E, um, I didn't really know. I was just
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enjoying life and being a kid and, you know, spend a lot of time doing, you know, I'm on my bike freaking making
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jumps with my mates and doing stuff that got us hurt falling off and motocross and stuff like that. Um,
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>> yeah, just I was just having fun, man. Um, but the the one goal I always had
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was to be a cop. I always wanted to be a dog handler in the police. So that was sort of taken away from me because you
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can't do that when you're blind. So >> yeah. >> Um yeah, my granddad was a cop back in
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the sort of 60s, 70s, whatever. Um so I was just it's always what I what I always wanted to do was was to be a
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police officer. So >> yeah. >> So you start to get sick. What What does
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that look like? >> Um well for me I was I was actually still playing rugby. So the last game of
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rugby I played was like three weeks before I went into hospital. Um so 2011 and couple first uh pre preseason games
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of 2012 I was still playing um not playing well but I was playing um you know under 19s though. So we were just
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there to drink beers basically. >> Um but uh yeah I was sort of through that time
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because the dizziness started at the start of 2011. Um, it was kind I mean it affected me
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everywhere. So even at work I couldn't spin around too much or anything like
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that cuz I'd just, you know, spin out nearly fall over. >> Did you think you were concussed or
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something? What did you think it was? >> No. Well, I mean, like I said, I thought
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from the start, I just had this random thought in the back of my mind that I had a brain tumor. And ironically,
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that's what tumor was was at the back of my head. Um but yeah, it was sort of within a
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month or so of the dizziness starting, I actually started vomiting as well. So every morning I woke up, I was vomiting.
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Um basically vomiting, nothing. It was kind of just looked like saliva. Um but it would be normally within 5 to 10
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minutes of waking up and moving. >> Sometimes it was a bit delayed. So I'd
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get to work and half an hour, an hour later I'd have to run to the toilet and
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have a spew and then go back to work. um which everyone I noticed but it was just
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a joke back then so everyone was saying I was pregnant and stuff you know so morning sickness um but you know you
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just sort of laugh it off and carry on don't want to complain too much and >> yeah just yeah that's what it was so for
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the next yeah 14 15 months I was pretty much spewing every day and um dizzy and yeah headaches and all that sort of
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stuff so >> so you weren't at school at the time you were working >> yeah I was working yeah
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>> okay you were you still living at home or were you flatting >> yeah no I was at home. Yeah. Um,
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>> what did your parents say about it? >> Um, >> I I can't imagine how concerned her mom
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would be about this. >> Yeah, she was concerned. There was probably a bit of skepticism as well,
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cuz, you know, probably thinking I was a drama queen or something like that, but
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uh yeah, I mean, she realized the severity of it, I guess. Um, but yeah, she she took me to the appointments and
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stuff like that. So, um, yeah, I mean, she never, I suppose, never said I was like lying or anything like that, so
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she, yeah, she still supported me trying to chase it up. But, >> were you prone to being like a
00:15:01
hypochondric or something or >> uh, not a hypochondric, but I guess I um, yeah, growing up, I was a little bit
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of a soft [ __ ] so >> you know, you can't you can't argue with that.
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Like if you've got like um severe migraines or you know you're vomiting every morning like the body doesn't lie.
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>> Yeah. Exactly. Um so yeah the the dizziness was quite severe like you'd see me I don't
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know if my eyes rolled back or anything like that but that's what it felt like.
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Um but yeah the vomiting when that started quite it was probably yeah January 2011 that started and just
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carried on. But um >> yeah you couldn't ignore me throw it up in the toilet straight away every
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morning. So, uh, yeah, it just weird to say it, but it just became normal, so I just carried on. Um, yeah.
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>> How long how long are you suffering like this before you, um, seek your medical
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intervention? >> Um, so the, like I said, at the end of 2010, I was getting sort of run down and all that
00:16:01
sort of stuff, but none of the dizziness or anything had started. >> Uh, the very start of 2011, so January
00:16:06
2011, um, is when the dizziness and then vomiting started and all that. And in February 2011 is when I seen that
00:16:13
neurologist that ignored me. So um yeah, >> it's getting worse. Not bad.
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>> Yeah, it carried on getting worse the whole time. 2011 throughout that whole
00:16:21
year because um uh because the neurologist denied me any treatment or uh scans and stuff and I was vomiting.
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My GP is like, "Oh, we'll go to the next port." And I got sent to the uh
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gastrologist and got the camera down the throat and there was obviously nothing there. So, um, the doctor made some
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[ __ ] claims on that one, >> um, which had been removed from my file as far as I know, but, um, yeah, there
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was nothing in my stomach, so I just carried on and just, um, yeah, just carried on being a teenager and working
00:16:54
and playing rugby and going out with my mates and stuff and yeah, still went to R&B that year. Uh not not the best, but
00:17:02
uh >> I think most people spew there a so it's I kind of fit it in I guess but uh
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>> yeah um yeah all of 2011 was like that and 2012 was like that too but near the
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end there uh sort of yeah January, February, March 2012 um was when the headache started getting
00:17:24
really bad. M >> I was waking up in the middle of the night and I was in tears and uh the only
00:17:30
way I could describe it at the time was it feels like I've been hit in the head
00:17:33
with an axe. Like I was just splitting insane pains. Um yeah, so that was coming to the end of that and it sort of
00:17:42
it worked out all right. Um I don't condone this but uh the uh RNV um I actually got an excess breath alcohol
00:17:51
fine. Uh I wasn't drink driving or anything. It was in the morning. I drove too early in the morning. Um although it
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was still like 11:30 or something like that. And because I was under 20, it was zero tolerance. So I only blew a really
00:18:02
low number. Um but it put me over on demerits. And it's probably the world looking out for you in a funny way.
00:18:09
>> Um because I went over my demerits, I had to hand my license in. But I was
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driving tractors at this time. Um or just starting to drive tractors. And uh we were going to go and work in uh Ken
00:18:24
or just above Ken and do the sugarcane harvest. Um that was in June or something. We were going to go over
00:18:30
there in 2012. But to do that I needed to hand my license in. So I did the 3 months. Um and after I handed it in in
00:18:40
March is when my eyesight started playing up. Um, so that was sort of the last sign
00:18:47
that something was I mean it was getting worse. So, um, it's very lucky that I
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handed my license in and stopped driving when I did because I didn't notice my
00:18:57
eyesight was sort of diminishing at that time. >> How so? >> Um, well, it sort of started as in my
00:19:04
left eye was just a black dot, a little black dot. And I went to the doctors for
00:19:08
that and they were really good, my GP and called the opthalmology place at Wetto Hospital straight away when I was
00:19:17
actually in the room with them and explained it and the opthromology place said that it sounded like a floater
00:19:23
which is a very common thing and basically just monitor it and if it gets any bigger come or whatever. So, um, it
00:19:31
got a little bit bigger. So, it was it was weird cuz my left eye started as a pin dot and the pin dot was getting
00:19:36
bigger. My right eye, which just felt funny, was like my central vision closing in
00:19:43
>> over a very sort of slow period of time, I suppose. Um, but yeah, it was at Yeah,
00:19:48
that time that they handed my license in. So, when all that was starting to happen,
00:19:52
um, yeah, I wasn't driving. So, that's the safe part, right? cuz it would have
00:19:56
been terrible if I crashed and hurt someone else or hurt myself or anything like that. So,
00:20:01
>> are are you are you panicked at this point? So, you've got you you're waking
00:20:04
up in the night with these excruciating headaches that feel like you've been hit
00:20:07
by an axe. >> Um your vision's not right. >> Experts have told you there's nothing
00:20:13
badly wrong with you, which must provide provide you with some sort of comfort or
00:20:16
reassurance. >> But, um your health is just deteriorating and you're a young man.
00:20:21
Are you freaking the [ __ ] out? >> Yeah, pretty much. Um I sort of uh like yeah it was getting
00:20:29
getting to a bad point but it was sort of because of that neurologist at the start there was still that sort of I
00:20:36
suppose false hope >> that I was yeah that I was wrong about the brain tumor but then all this other
00:20:41
[ __ ] started happening. So, um, yeah, with it getting worse and worse, I was just I I didn't know because cuz he had
00:20:48
said, "No, it's not a tumor." Um, that kind of left my mind. So, I didn't keep
00:20:53
pressing the tumor thing. Um, which I probably should have, but I mean, arguably, he should have scanned me at
00:20:58
the start and this would have been sweet. But, um, yeah, it was just I don't know, it just I was just dealing
00:21:06
with what was in front of me at the time really and just trying to get through it. So,
00:21:10
>> um yeah, so after I handed my license in in March, >> um it just with the eyesight getting a
00:21:18
bit worse, um I was uh actually staying at the mount with my granny at the time. Um cuz my
00:21:26
neck was insanely sore, too, cuz the tumor was on my brain stem. So, all the pressure was building up in like the
00:21:31
back of my head and my neck. Um so, cuz my neck was sore, I was like, "Oh, let's
00:21:37
go to this chiropractor." which snapping my neck around and all this which is
00:21:40
probably not good. Um but uh when I was over at the mount with my granny for a couple weeks, I
00:21:49
thought I should book in with the optometrist and go check it out cuz I like [ __ ] my eyes are getting pretty
00:21:54
pretty bad. Um and yeah, went this was all the 23rd of April 2012 >> and had an appointment at like 9:00 in
00:22:03
the morning or something. Went there. to check the pressure behind my eyes and the optometrist was freaking out. He's
00:22:08
like, "Oh [ __ ] you have to go to the opthalmologist immediately." So went
00:22:13
straight over to Taranga, went to the opthalmology unit. Um they did the same, checked the pressure in my eyes and it
00:22:20
was skyhigh. So they sent me straight to Taranga Hospital for a CT. Um got the CT
00:22:27
and within about half an hour, an hour, they came in and said, "I've got a brain
00:22:31
tumor." So my immediate thought was I'm going to [ __ ] kill this dude, you
00:22:36
know, like I lost the plot straight away, as well as being [ __ ] scared. Um, and yeah, because of the size of the
00:22:43
tumor and all that sort of stuff cuz it had been growing for so long. Um, they wouldn't actually let me leave the
00:22:49
hospital unless I was in an ambulance. So to come back over to Yet, they put me in the ambulance. Um, which I I suppose
00:22:58
that's protocol, but for me, I was like, I just came here in a car. I can leave
00:23:01
in the car. it's fine. But um yeah, they wouldn't let me. So yeah, straight back
00:23:06
to Yet and obviously had told my mom and um she met us at the hospital with her best mate Wendy has since passed away. M
00:23:16
um but yeah they were they met us in ED and I was in ED that night for I don't
00:23:21
know few hours or whatever and got put on the ward which is ward 8 w hospital um went in about 1:00 a.m. or something
00:23:28
like that and then I was the first surgery the next day so 24th of April 2012 I say is my new birthday cuz it's
00:23:35
the day I was reborn. So >> yeah. >> Yeah. I mean, it's all it's all
00:23:40
hypotheticals, but had you not um gone to see the optometrist in uh Bay of Plenty, you what would have happened?
00:23:48
You would have been dead within a week. >> [ __ ] I don't know. I really don't know.
00:23:52
Um wouldn't have been good, but uh I suppose I mean it was inevitable. It would have been found eventually, but
00:24:00
sort of how I guess. Um but yeah, the eyes were the >> the uh the gateway to finding it, I
00:24:06
suppose. So >> so that um brain surgery operation 12-hour operation I believe.
00:24:12
>> Yeah, roughly. I could be slightly off but it was about 11 or 12 hours. Um so
00:24:16
yeah, they had to yeah remove the tumor and >> um I actually got the tumor back.
00:24:21
>> Uh I was >> How big is that? What is it? >> Well, I was thinking I'd get like the
00:24:25
tumor back like a like an apple in a jar or something, right? But they biopsy it
00:24:29
and all that sort of stuff. So it came back in all these slates, so I didn't
00:24:32
quite get the I just thought it was funny and I was like, "Oh, cool. I'll
00:24:34
have it in a have it in a jar." But yeah, it wasn't quite that. So, what
00:24:37
sort of size is it? Is it like a thumb or >> Oh, I don't know cuz it's all in like
00:24:40
little slates and stuff. So, it's all been chopped up. Um, >> there's not a lot of room in the inside
00:24:45
the skull, is there? >> Nah. Oh, yeah. I don't know. >> But, uh, my tumor was on the brain stem.
00:24:52
So, it was in like the the spinal cord um fluid circulation sort of area. >> Um, which is why all the uh the vomiting
00:25:00
was happening because the tumor was blocking the the fluid flowing. And then when I woke up and moved, it rushed past
00:25:05
and apparently causes the nausea. >> Um, but that fluid backing up is what
00:25:09
caused the pressure in my head and that's what caused the eyesight damage. So,
00:25:13
>> yeah. >> After surgery, uh, you describe lying awake at night um, afraid to fall asleep
00:25:19
in case you went blind. >> Yeah. What What does it do to a person living with that kind of fear?
00:25:25
>> Um, ruins you for sure. Um, yeah. I don't know. I suppose the best thing you learn in that situation is
00:25:40
although you're not comfortable, you still just sort of learn to I mean, what
00:25:44
are you going to do? You can't change it. So, um, you can complain all you want and makes you feel better, but it's
00:25:53
it doesn't make the situation any better. >> So, it's sort of >> I'm getting too hung up on the past.
00:25:58
It's just going to make you depressed, isn't it? Yeah, pretty much. And it's
00:26:01
sort of like I mean people get cancer every day, don't they? Cancer is just a
00:26:05
part of life really. And it's um it's [ __ ] but people get it. >> Um for me, to be honest, at the time, I
00:26:12
didn't even care about that. I was just worried about the eyesight. So um because it was a a sort of gradual thing
00:26:19
over the next month or two. Um yeah, they were still focusing on it. I was just I just want my eyesight back.
00:26:25
That's all all that I was worried about. Um, yeah. So, I I don't know. I sort of I
00:26:33
was kind of uh I guess you could say in the mindset, excuse the language, but like [ __ ] it. If I'm going to die, I
00:26:39
just at least I want to see when I die, you know, or leading up to it. But >> then, um, yeah, the eyesight sort of
00:26:46
leveled out where it was, and then I could sort of start focusing on hopefully I can get better. Um,
00:26:50
>> was it getting like progressively worse by the day? >> The eyesight?
00:26:54
>> Yeah. Uh yeah, it's Yeah, it's a little bit hard to say because I was probably freaking out a
00:27:00
bit at the same time. I mean, I was, but >> Well, no doubt you would have been in a
00:27:05
spiral. >> Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. And it was just uh I don't know. Like I like I said
00:27:09
earlier, I think was um where the eyesight stopped, I thought it was still getting worse. So, I was
00:27:16
like probably overanalyzing it, like looking at things going, I could see more last time. I could see more last
00:27:22
time or you know, stuff like that. But it's kind of all a bit of bit of a blur.
00:27:26
So, um yeah, I don't I don't know. It just sort of was what it what it was. And I just
00:27:34
yeah, just had to endure it and hopefully still get left with some. And luckily I did because I'd be absolutely
00:27:39
screwed without what I've got. >> Um but uh yeah. >> How long were you in hospital for?
00:27:47
>> Uh the first time was just over 3 weeks, which was a bit of a stuff up.
00:27:51
>> Right. It should have only been a week, but there was a few things that uh
00:27:55
didn't get done properly. Um, so first, not I mean, let's preempt this. The
00:28:01
nurses do an awesome job. They Yeah, they bloody awesome. But sometimes things get missed and for me
00:28:09
like I didn't know what was supposed to happen. It was my first time in there
00:28:12
for something like that. And um like I had all these stitches down the back of my head and the one of the stitch holes
00:28:22
like around the incision got infected. So we didn't find that until the end of
00:28:26
the first week when I was supposed to go home. Um but because of that I ended up staying
00:28:31
another week because risk of systemic infection or whatever. So you know I was on pretty heavy
00:28:37
antibiotics and all that trying to stop that cuz being in the spinal column as well it's not exactly the best place to
00:28:42
get the infection. Um but luckily it didn't didn't go systemic or anything
00:28:47
like that. Um and then the uh I don't want to say too much detail here but the
00:28:52
uh because of um being in having the surgery I had uh you get given like steroids and stuff
00:29:02
to help you heal. Um and then you're also on morphine and all that which sort
00:29:07
of clogs you up but the steroids increase your appetite. So, like I ended up pretty much literally getting told I
00:29:13
was full of [ __ ] So, >> oh, just severe constipation. >> I've had that before. It's the worst
00:29:19
stomach pain imaginable. >> [ __ ] terrible, man. It's so bad. The >> worst.
00:29:22
>> Yeah, cuz like with the steroids, I was eating so much. I was eating so much.
00:29:26
Um, so yeah, there was uh Yeah, that was the that was the third week in hospital
00:29:32
was trying to fix that. It was terrible, but they wouldn't let me go home until
00:29:36
it was fixed. So, um yeah, that was the first time. And then um I ended up I think there's maybe a month
00:29:44
or 6 weeks between >> that and then starting radiation. So I had 6 weeks of um IMRT radiation
00:29:53
radiotherapy um which was 5 days a week. >> What was that for? Just to move any
00:29:57
little bits and pieces left behind from the tumor. >> Um how to treat it basically. Um, so the
00:30:03
tumor was actually on my brain stem, so they couldn't like remove 100% of it cuz
00:30:08
the brain stem bleeds, I'm pretty screwed. So luckily my surgeon was amazing. Um,
00:30:14
yeah. Um, so the tumor was actually cancerous. So it was a stage 2 appendimoma. Um, so that's what the
00:30:22
radiation was for. Uh, luckily I didn't have to have chemo because that tumor or
00:30:27
that type of cancer apparently doesn't respond to chemo. So it was only radiation that I could have. Um
00:30:34
so that sort of radiation sort of treats the big area. So from the top of my ears
00:30:39
down I lost all my hair. So I sort of just had a had a sick fade day. But um yeah, that that didn't work though. So
00:30:48
it it started growing back at the end of 2012. Um which they noted uh obviously with the checkups every month or 3
00:30:57
months or whatever it was at that stage. Um so it was in December sort of just before Christmas they seen that it was
00:31:04
growing back and said you have to have another surgery sort of go through the whole process again. Um the only
00:31:10
difference this time is that uh my mom and stepdad were actually getting married on the 5th of January in 2013.
00:31:16
So I couldn't have surgery before that. I was like I'll have to do it after
00:31:19
that. Um yeah. So had the second surgery on I don't know it was the start of January
00:31:27
sometime. I think maybe the 11th or something. Um, that was slightly shorter that surgery. I think it was only 7 or 8
00:31:33
hours. And they actually managed to get some of it off the brain stem. So instead of just
00:31:40
being like a solid, I don't know, cm, 2 centimeters, whatever it was, I don't
00:31:44
know. >> Um, there was a break in the middle. So there was, yeah, they got some of it
00:31:49
off. But, um, because I'd had the IMRT radiation, I couldn't have that again.
00:31:55
Um, so they ended up sending me down to Deneden, uh, cuz it was a I think it's
00:32:02
probably standard now, but at the time it was kind of a new radiation called stereotactic radiation.
00:32:07
>> And, um, yeah, they flew me down there on the Wednesday. Um, got treated on the
00:32:15
Thursday, like had to go in on Thursday morning. They screwed a big halo thing into my
00:32:21
head, which there's some photos on my athlete page if you've seen them. Um,
00:32:26
and then had to sit around all day, which I don't remember much of cuz they drugged me up with heaps of stuff.
00:32:32
>> And apparently I was sitting in sitting in uh the cancer ward down there yelling
00:32:36
at my dog that wasn't even there >> and uh tripping out and all that sort of
00:32:40
stuff. And I don't remember it, but mom certainly does. Um then they treated me
00:32:44
that afternoon and night and um yeah went back in on the Friday and they sort of discharged it or whatever and
00:32:53
then went back to TA and caught up with the boys and went to the pub. So probably not the best but
00:32:59
you know um that ended up working so that's why the tumor stopped growing which is great. So yeah.
00:33:05
>> How how does your mom reflect on this whole experience? >> Um it's a long time e couple of years.
00:33:12
Yeah. Um, >> have you talked about this with her and the toilets taken on her?
00:33:17
>> Sort of. Sort of not. Sort of. I don't know. Um, like she was Yeah, she was
00:33:21
bloody good at the time. And her boss was also amazing. She's been with the same person um at work. She just works
00:33:28
for one guy, so it's just them two. Um, she's been with him like my whole life.
00:33:32
So, he's kind of >> um >> like family in a way. >> Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. And he's he's
00:33:37
an awesome awesome boss for her. Mhm. >> Um yeah, he just let her take whatever
00:33:41
time off she needed. Didn't dock her pay or anything like that and >> just just yeah, let her do whatever she
00:33:47
needed to do. So like that first type of radiation I had, she was going to work in the morning, coming back down to
00:33:54
taking me back over to Hamilton and then back down to afterwards. Um every day for 6 weeks. Um but yeah, we
00:34:03
>> I don't know. She just did what what mothers do, I suppose. Yeah, I mean
00:34:08
there's a lot to unpack there for her. Like maybe there's like elements of
00:34:12
guilt because she she didn't think you were that sick in the beginning. >> Um then there's um you know just the
00:34:18
stress and the anguish of seeing your son go through something like this and feeling the feeling of helplessness that
00:34:23
there's nothing you can do. >> Yeah, I think that yeah, the feeling of
00:34:25
helplessness would have been the most prevalent. Yeah. >> If someone else was going through what
00:34:30
you've been through, maybe they're at the beginning of the journey now, what
00:34:33
would you tell them? Um, it's a bit of a hard one because it's all the cliche stuff, but like
00:34:40
being on the other side of it, you sort of, it might just be me. I might just be
00:34:43
a bit bit of a bit of a dick sometimes. But, uh, when people go, "Oh, it's going
00:34:48
to be all right and it's going to be fine." It's like, well, when you're
00:34:50
sitting in that situation, like, you don't you don't [ __ ] know that. Stop
00:34:53
saying that, you know? So, >> um, yeah. I don't know. It's just just keep
00:34:59
going pretty much. It's just, you know, it might get better. Hopefully it gets
00:35:03
better, but you just got to be strong. Just keep keep being a stubborn bugger and carry on, you know. So, it's uh
00:35:10
yeah, it's a bit basically it's a little bit hard to be optimistic. It's yeah, it's more of a realistic
00:35:18
situation um cuz you don't want to get your hopes up and then get let down as
00:35:22
well, you know. So, >> yeah, you just got to take it every day and as it comes and just yeah, keep keep
00:35:28
tracking on forward, you know. Well, it's another boring old cliche, but I suppose it's like just, you know, keep
00:35:32
moving forward, eh? Put one foot in front of the other. >> Was there a specific moment when you
00:35:37
realized, [ __ ] you know, my old life is gone? >> And and how do you emotionally process
00:35:43
that? Um, I suppose for me it sounds a bit silly, but um just before I actually ended up
00:35:53
in hospital, I got a new motorbike. I got a uh yeah, motocross bike, sorry. and um never actually got to take it on
00:36:00
the track. So um I sort of I held on to it for probably about a year afterwards just in hopes
00:36:10
that my eyesight would come back and then like when I ended up going ah might as well you know give it back to the
00:36:18
shop and take it back to the shop. Um that was probably the point where it sunk in for me that my eyesight is not
00:36:24
coming back. So that was when I could sort of start yeah sort of yeah maybe planning some
00:36:32
other stuff and trying to look forward to what I may be able to do you know >> accepting it and maybe yeah do you think
00:36:37
that's when you started sort of grieving? >> Um n sort of all my grieving was in the
00:36:43
first sort of year and a half. Um >> by grieving it's just me sort of being a
00:36:48
dumbass. >> What do you mean? >> Oh just medicating with just trying to
00:36:53
be normal, you know. um just getting pissed and >> sort of trying to act like it didn't
00:36:58
happen. >> Um >> not the best being blind and going into a social situation where there's alcohol
00:37:05
involved and there's a lot of idiots around basically that you know I can't
00:37:10
see what's there and I accidentally bump into someone and oh sorry bro but then
00:37:14
they turn around and you know and fights kick off and it's like I'm just trying
00:37:18
to walk to take a piss somewhere you know. Um, so I just, yeah, um, there's a
00:37:23
lot of that stupid stuff that, um, yeah, it's not, not the best situation for a
00:37:28
blind guy. >> Uh, yeah. So, that was that was that first sort of year, year and a half. And
00:37:33
then, >> yeah, best to step away from that and uh, how do you say it? Remove yourself
00:37:39
from the situation to sort of have an outside perspective or gain some clarity, right? And start thinking
00:37:43
clearly and >> um, yeah, start looking forward rather than sort of just weekend to weekend or
00:37:49
something like that. So >> yeah, >> I think um the the way you act is
00:37:54
probably perfectly rational. Like um you just want to bury your head in the sand
00:37:58
and like try and pretend it's not there. >> Yeah, >> I think that's probably quite normal,
00:38:03
>> especially at that age, like 19, 20. >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Um the sort of the
00:38:08
the other hard thing was that uh like at that age, right, everyone's sort of
00:38:13
growing up and starting their career or going off and doing stuff and you know, traveling, whatever it may be. Um so for
00:38:21
everyone sort of social uh groups change or >> you know um yeah life changes for
00:38:29
everyone regardless but for me it was sort of everything happened at once. >> Yeah.
00:38:33
>> So that was the other hard thing like was the eyesight the sort of the cancer
00:38:37
um but then also the >> uh sort of loss or perceived loss of friendship >> and like my circle got a lot smaller. Um
00:38:49
but yeah, in those situations you sort of it definitely weasles out the >> fake fans. Fake friends.
00:38:57
>> Yeah. Not necessarily fake friends, but people that you're not as close with at
00:39:01
least. And like your your real mates sort of step up, you know? So >> yeah, fake friends as you ones that are
00:39:08
only want to be there for the good times. >> Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. And like that's
00:39:12
a human thing as well. But you know, >> especially at that age as well, you
00:39:15
know, at that age, I mean, you you've called yourself a dumbass a few times. I
00:39:20
I I definitely was like, you well into my 20s or even 30s. And >> yeah, you know, you don't want to you
00:39:26
don't want to you don't want the party to stop. >> You want someone to bring the party
00:39:30
down. >> Yeah, pretty much. And to I mean to it's not putting yourself down to say
00:39:33
dumbass, right? It's just realizing that you've grown as a person, you know,
00:39:37
stuff like that. So, >> so um that that moment where you sent the dirt bike back to the shop, I
00:39:44
suppose that's um that's you grieving the life that you thought you were going
00:39:47
to have. Um yeah, then how do you how do you find the strength to build a new one?
00:39:51
>> Um I sort of I guess like what I said about being when I was a kid growing up being
00:39:59
very sporty and all that sort of stuff. I sort of started thinking of that sort of in the bigger
00:40:06
picture was thinking uh like who was I what did I turn into what I want to get back to sort of just sort of yeah
00:40:18
um nitpicking myself really you know so uh it's plus also I gained a lot of weight so I got got a few titties
00:40:28
growing and stuff when I I lost my eyesight and got pretty fat. Um, >> just just cuz you're not doing the same
00:40:33
sort of amount of physical activity. >> Yeah. Just sitting around eating and you
00:40:37
know not able to work. I mean working on your feet all day burns a shitload of calories. So
00:40:43
>> um I just yeah also eating bad. I wasn't wasn't eating good but um
00:40:48
>> yeah got got quite heavy and also when I was sick I was quite skinny because I
00:40:53
was sick you know. Um, so it was the motivator for that was basically just get back into the gym and start losing
00:40:59
some weight and try to get a bit bit more healthy again, you know. And then I sort of I'm very competitive. So doing
00:41:08
that, I started thinking maybe I should look at sports and see what I might be able to do cuz I don't know what blind
00:41:13
guys do, you know. Um, and yeah, I ended up getting uh originally I was going to look at
00:41:22
paratriathlon because I was decent at at triathlons when I was a kid, but um the
00:41:28
distances are much bigger when you're an adult. So, um, and I'm not much of an
00:41:32
endurance guy. Like, I can do it, but I I don't really enjoy it. So, um, ended
00:41:38
up because the bike league of the triathlon is obviously one of them. someone at Sport
00:41:45
Y could I mention parasycling to me? Um so I was I'll give it a go and went down
00:41:49
to this camp uh in New Plymouth and they did testing and all that and originally
00:41:54
I actually missed out. Um but me being a stubborn bugger I just kept going and yeah eventually yeah got put in the the
00:42:02
development program and just yeah that was that was the goal and just started going like that. I was like well I want
00:42:07
to be at the I want to be a parolympian or something so or world champ something
00:42:11
like that. um aim higher, right? So, >> yeah. Well, I I suppose that's the um
00:42:15
that's the path forward a like finding finding some sort of goals. >> Yeah, it's finding a purpose, something
00:42:21
to work towards cuz it's uh I tell you one thing is is sitting at home by yourself all day every day is not fun.
00:42:29
>> Ruminating. No. >> Yeah. It's it's not good for the mind.
00:42:32
It's not it's not good for anything really. Um >> even just as >> as a human that we've we've all got to
00:42:39
have purpose. if you don't have purpose, you're just lost and you just, you know,
00:42:42
that whether you've got depression or not or whatever, um it's not going to
00:42:47
make you feel good. So, >> you need something to make yourself feel fulfilled and and like you're
00:42:52
accomplishing something. So, >> did you have depression for a time? >> Yep.
00:42:56
>> Yeah, >> 100%. What did that look like? >> Uh, it was all I mean obviously the
00:43:02
first year and a bit was pretty bad trying to adjust and all that and um, you know, wasn't helped by alcohol
00:43:12
um, and all that sort of stuff. But, uh, yeah, I I went and got like a diagnosis
00:43:20
and all that sort of stuff. Uh, but I never actually took the anti-depressants. I sort of just pulled
00:43:28
myself out of it in the end. Um, >> why didn't you take the the drugs?
00:43:33
>> Uh, I don't know. I can't really remember. I sort of just probably like it's like I don't want to
00:43:40
be taking that [ __ ] every day. And, you know, um, yeah, I just never never ended
00:43:44
up taking them. So, >> um, yeah. I don't know. Just being stubborn as well in all areas, you know.
00:43:53
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. Although um yeah there's no there's yeah I mean each to their own
00:43:58
but yeah there's no shame in it. Like if there's uh if if you're depressed and
00:44:02
there's something that can help you feel better even if it's to mask it.
00:44:04
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. I don't think there's any shame in that. And there's I mean obviously there
00:44:08
was a reason that you were feeling depressed like a very obvious reason. >> Um but for some people that have a
00:44:13
chemical imbalance in their brain if it can be you know fixed with um medication
00:44:18
then yeah I'm all for it. >> Yeah for sure. And um like I had been on them at a later period. I'm not on them
00:44:24
now. come off them. But um yeah, at the time I don't know, I just sort of just I
00:44:29
don't know, is what it is. And it's just what I found is I sort of um you know,
00:44:35
the exercise getting back into that sort of stuff, going to the gym, the the you
00:44:39
know, the dopamine release from from from exercising and all that made me a lot better. And it
00:44:45
>> you know, also losing the weight again and getting back down to a healthy
00:44:48
weight and you know, look good, feel good, right? So, um, yeah, definitely helped
00:44:54
>> definitely helped me move forward for sure. So, >> so the the, um, periods there after
00:45:00
you'd been out of hospital and you were like adjusting to the new normal. Um,
00:45:04
I'm guessing that was sort of like the the rock bottom. Were you putting on a brave face for
00:45:09
your family and like cry? Were you crying yourself to sleep at night when you're on your own? No, I think the most
00:45:16
uh prominent way I would have expressed myself was just being angry. >> Um, never did anything bad, but
00:45:24
>> just frustrated. >> Yeah, just pissed off, man. I get it. You know, just was Yeah, it was what it
00:45:29
was. But, um, >> just, yeah, very short fuse, all that. Like, don't piss me off cuz I'm going to
00:45:35
I'm going to bite your head off, you know. >> Um, so I certainly, you know, that that
00:45:39
adds into that social situation I was mentioning as well. And you can see that I was not easy to be around.
00:45:45
>> Um, I can certainly see that. Um, but yeah, just sort of what else are you
00:45:52
going to do, right? There's no there's no written guide on how to deal with
00:45:56
stuff and, you know, get through the [ __ ] life throws you. So, um, you just got to find your way, I guess. And
00:46:03
sometimes it it takes time. >> So, >> I had another guy on the podcast called,
00:46:08
um, Lee War. when he was 16, he had a scooter accident and ended up um paralyzed.
00:46:13
>> Oh [ __ ] >> Um and from 16 to 21, he was [ __ ] angry. Yeah. Like just angry. Like he
00:46:19
reflects now he was horrible to be around. Like pushed everyone away. >> And then um his rock bottom came like I
00:46:24
think I think it was at the age of 21 he tried to take his own life um and failed. And from there that was a
00:46:30
turning point. And since then he's had a remarkable life. like he does the even
00:46:34
though he's unable to walk, he does this the sky tower challenge every year like
00:46:38
just using his arms and his upper body to push himself up. >> He's some big guns, eh?
00:46:42
>> Yeah. He's done all the world's major marathons. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was
00:46:46
there an actual rock botto bottom moment for you? >> Um I suppose it was like I ended up um
00:46:57
I don't even know what time or what time frame it was. What year? Must have been
00:47:01
2013, maybe 2014. Um, I ended up being too much for my family and I went and lived with my one of my best mates uh
00:47:12
family >> for a while. Um, it was >> just cuz you're too angry. >> No, I was kind of told to bugger off.
00:47:17
Um, but it was my fault. So, uh, >> why? What' you do? >> Oh, just being angry and not, you know,
00:47:23
um, >> yeah, it wasn't wasn't a healthy situation um, for anyone. Um, but my my
00:47:29
mates's family were sort of like my second family growing up. I was at their
00:47:32
house all the time when I was a teenager and stuff and used to go to their family
00:47:36
events and all that, you know, like even their grandma's birthdays and stuff like
00:47:40
that. So >> yeah, that's the King family. They're my second family for sure. Um but yeah,
00:47:46
sort of going and living there for a while sort of made me yeah, just I suppose being removed from a situation,
00:47:54
having some clarity and that's when I actually started getting into the the the gym and stuff. So,
00:48:00
>> um cuz I was in town, so I was able to walk to the gym and just start moving a
00:48:05
bit and it started clearing my mind and started helping me. >> Um yeah, and then from there is where it
00:48:10
went into the the cycling thing. So >> it's it's understandable that you're in
00:48:14
this um this this anger period. I suppose it's grief in a way and frustration and just a whole mixture of
00:48:20
things, >> but you just can't stay there forever. >> Yeah, exactly. It's uh
00:48:23
>> it's not not healthy for anyone. >> Nah, self-destructive behavior is not
00:48:27
productive. >> So, so um so losing your sight um Yeah. What was easier than what you thought?
00:48:34
What was harder than what you thought? >> [ __ ] that's a that's a good question.
00:48:39
Um, I suppose you could say in a way the cancer was easier than I thought because
00:48:46
I didn't even think about it. Um, but also, uh, just to to explain that one a bit.
00:48:54
>> The doctors explained it to me, if you're going to get cancer, that's the
00:48:57
one you want. So, in terms of the cancer route, I had a easy route >> cuz obviously cancer is not easy for for
00:49:04
anyone really. Um, but the what was harder than I thought was probably I mean I suppose I'm still kind of
00:49:13
dealing with it now a bit even though I had a goal and I've gone after it and
00:49:16
stuff like that. The the direction is hard because everything before this was, you know, I wanted to
00:49:26
be a cop. I wanted to, you know, just driving tractors and stuff like that. Um, yeah. Direction. Oh, sorry. Also
00:49:34
independence. >> That's that was definitely the hardest. It just came into my mind then.
00:49:39
>> But uh yeah, losing your independence was horrible. Absolutely sucks. Um yeah,
00:49:48
not being able to drive, not being able to walk up the street by myself and sort
00:49:51
of know where I'm going. I can walk up the street. I look look a bit drunk. But
00:49:55
uh um yeah, just even just, you know, the things you take for granted, which is, you know, even just walking into a
00:50:01
shop and go, "Oh, I want to get this off the shelf, but where the [ __ ] is it?"
00:50:05
>> Um just those little things where you don't feel like a independent adult.
00:50:10
>> Um you feel like a little unaccompanied minor or something again, you know, that
00:50:14
needs help. So it's um yeah, it's difficult. That's that's the >> probably the biggest hurdle was was
00:50:23
dealing with that. So >> yeah, >> like it's it's been like 12 13 years
00:50:29
now. When you dream, what do you see? >> I don't even know, man. I I don't even
00:50:35
know if I dream. >> You see in in full vision? >> Uh I guess so. I I mean I I very very
00:50:42
rarely um realize I've had dreams. Um I don't know. The the last thing I actually
00:50:50
remember dreaming was seeing my dog. So >> it's like he was coming to see me.
00:50:58
>> Oh, your dog has passed away. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh [ __ ] >> Bloody Blaze.
00:51:03
>> So was um Did you have Blaze before the the brain tumor? >> No. >> So
00:51:09
um I got him at the end of 2012. December 2012 I got Blaze. >> Oh. So right when you're in the thick of
00:51:16
it. >> Yeah. He's uh he's going to make me cry, but uh he gets me every time.
00:51:21
>> It's all right, >> little bastard. >> This little uh people won't be able to
00:51:25
see this on camera or if they're listening to this, but um yeah, my little 11year-old Sydney Silky Kanye,
00:51:30
>> he's on the floor here. >> Every day, honestly, without fail, every
00:51:35
day I think about how [ __ ] sad it's going to be when he dies. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's terrible, man.
00:51:40
>> Terrible. >> As soon as I got him, I didn't even [ __ ] want him. It was a birthday
00:51:44
present for my ex-wife. Within a week of having him, I started googling like lifespan for Sydney Silkies cuz I knew
00:51:50
it was going to be, you know, just an absolute gut punch when he dies. >> Yeah.
00:51:55
>> Um >> Yeah, that's the thing. >> And it is. It's going to be terrible.
00:51:58
It's going to leave a massive hole in my life. But um yeah, like every morning
00:52:02
when he's lying in bed with me and I'm Yeah. I've got got a hand on him.
00:52:06
>> Yeah. >> I just think [ __ ] I got to appreciate this because this isn't going to be part
00:52:09
of my life forever. >> Yeah. That's the thing, man. Those uh man's best friend, right? It's um
00:52:16
>> Yeah, they're pretty special. So >> yeah. So Blaze >> Yeah, Blaze was uh
00:52:20
>> So you got him when you're in the thick of it, when you're really in the
00:52:22
trenches. >> Yeah. Well, like originally I was like I mean I was thinking at the very start
00:52:28
it's like [ __ ] do I get a get a guide dog or whatever? But then I was like I
00:52:33
mean I even at that time I still realized it's like I don't need a guide
00:52:36
dog cuz there's people that are totally blind that really need them, you know.
00:52:40
Um I can make do. Um, but I was like, I need a need a buddy. And um, I just jumped on TradeMe and was looking for
00:52:48
breeders and stuff like that that were advertising. Um, but uh, I sort of grew up with German
00:52:56
shepherds sort of as my mom's good mate. Um, Carl and Kay, they they had German
00:53:02
shepherds, so I was always around German shepherds when I was younger. Um, so I just started searching and didn't
00:53:08
even know there was white shepherds. Um but yeah, I came across him. I was like,
00:53:14
I don't know. It looks different. He's he's he looks cool. So, or they look
00:53:17
cool cuz yeah, um decided to go get a white shepherd and you know, turned up there and he's the one that ran to me.
00:53:25
So, I thought that was quite cool. So, I was like, he's mine and uh yeah, the
00:53:30
rest was history, I suppose. >> So, yeah, he was on his uh on his box. his box at home. He's got um
00:53:43
just a little note that we put on there was uh my savior and guardian. So >> yeah,
00:53:51
>> that's my boy. >> It's good to cry about it. I think it shows how much um how much you care.
00:54:00
>> Yeah. I wish I could control it a bit better, but he's like a tap. >> Oh no. When when did he when did he
00:54:04
pass? >> Uh 15th of March, 2023. >> Yeah. So he >> It's been a couple of years. [ __ ]
00:54:10
That's a big impact, eh? >> Yeah, man. It's uh I was lucky I had Lucy. Um by that time, if I lost him
00:54:16
when I didn't have Lucy, I think it would have been pretty [ __ ] So, >> it's um
00:54:21
>> yeah, is what it is. But he we had to we had to have him put it down. So,
00:54:25
>> Oh, no. >> Yeah, he got a big big tumor in his stomach, right? Um which to
00:54:30
>> what they described was it was like in the wall of his stomach, so it's
00:54:33
inoperable. He was 10 and a half as well. So, >> pretty good life for his his breed. So,
00:54:38
>> so were you there with him holding a paw or something? >> Yeah. Um Lucy's dad's actually a vet. Uh
00:54:46
he's retired now, but he was a vet, so he actually came over and did it at home.
00:54:52
>> Um >> Oh, that's nice. >> Yeah. Yeah, it was cool that we could do
00:54:56
it at home. And then we took him to the crerematorium and um I thought I could carry him by myself, but I sort of
00:55:04
didn't think of the dead body, you know. And I went to pick him was, "Oh [ __ ]
00:55:07
no, no, we need two people." Cuz it felt like he was going to freaking he was a
00:55:11
bit too bendy, you know. >> Um, but yeah, so he was it was pretty hard. It's pretty hard. So
00:55:22
>> yeah. >> Well, I suppose he he helped you get through some really
00:55:27
rough times. >> Yeah. It's um >> just by being there. >> Yeah. Yeah, it was just his presence
00:55:33
basically, but he he was very protective of me too, which was pretty funny. >> Was he in what way?
00:55:38
>> Uh just like he'd sort of he'd get in between me and other people and sort of
00:55:42
look at them like he was not bad at all. He wouldn't he wouldn't hurt a fly. Um
00:55:47
>> I think it's a white sheeperd thing. I'm not too sure. But um like he'd be a guard dog, you know, and
00:55:53
people turn up just a normal dog thing and bark at everyone and stuff, but if people walk towards him, he'd run away.
00:55:58
>> So he'd run away and then come back and bark and run away. like he wouldn't let
00:56:01
them touch him. Um but yeah, if someone like tried to give me a hug or something, he'd be like jumping in
00:56:05
between us trying to push him away and stuff. So >> like get jealous. >> Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. He
00:56:11
was a very um uh what do you say? Very emotive dog. He used to I mean I'm sure
00:56:17
many dogs do it, but it looked like he packed tantrums and argued and all that sort of stuff. It was pretty funny. So
00:56:23
>> um yeah, he's very very special to me. So, >> um, non dog people won't won't get this
00:56:29
question at all, but can you remember like your last conversation with him or your final words?
00:56:33
>> Uh, you give him a little pep talk. >> Yeah. Like I was doing it for like the
00:56:38
last two weeks pretty much. It was just um cuz we were like hoping that he was going to be okay,
00:56:45
>> but uh I um it was just a The most the thing I said to him most was just
00:56:59
you will always be my best buddy. So >> you weren't lying. >> Yeah.
00:57:08
Far out. Little bastard. Um I still talk to him every day. So >> got some tissues there.
00:57:14
>> Yeah. Cheers, man. >> Yeah. >> Um yeah, I still he's got a he's got two
00:57:20
big photo frames and then one big photo on the wall. >> Mhm. So, got his his box below that and
00:57:26
his uh his collars. [ __ ] hell, get it together, mate. Uh his collars on the wall between the
00:57:34
photo and the box. So, >> yeah. Still talk to him every night. So, >> yeah. And you came into the office
00:57:42
before we did the podcast. You holding some Polaroid photos of him as well. >> Yeah. That was Lucy's doing, eh? Um
00:57:50
>> Lucy's not jealous of this relationship. No, she she loved him to bits as well.
00:57:54
She was she was [ __ ] scared of them at the start, but uh >> she was just a little bit nervous around
00:58:00
dogs due to some stuff that happened with a dog in her childhood. >> Yeah, for sure.
00:58:04
>> Um but I assured her, I was like, "No, he just looks stuff. He's a softy." And
00:58:08
she was in love with him straight away. It's probably the only reason she stayed. Um
00:58:12
>> after I met her, hey, she's like, "I'll just stay for the dog cuz you know he's
00:58:16
better than I was." So, >> um but uh what was the question? Sorry. Um, oh, I can't even remember what it
00:58:25
was. >> Yeah, I lost my way. So, >> anyway, no, it's it's all good. Um,
00:58:28
thanks for sharing that stuff. I know it's not easy, but >> Oh, the Polaroids.
00:58:31
>> Oh. Oh, yeah. You're still carrying around Polaroids of them. >> Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, they they're on my
00:58:34
bedside table, but um cuz we actually got married uh on this Oh my god. 16th of May.
00:58:41
>> Mhm. >> [ __ ] I probably just got that wrong. >> Oh, just recently, like 2 months ago.
00:58:45
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Congratulations. >> Yeah. Cheers, mate. Um I didn't think it
00:58:48
would happen, but it did. So, um, yeah, and she, uh, I don't know, the morning of, she had given the best man
00:58:58
instructions and he brought the stuff out and I opened it up and it's two little photos of Blaze and I was like,
00:59:03
"Ah, [ __ ] Here we go." Like be crying all day. So, um, for that reason, you
00:59:09
know, like, uh, he just, I don't know. I don't cry over anything. Never have.
00:59:13
>> Well, apart from it was a soft cop when I was a kid, but >> how how, um, yeah, how did you and Lucy
00:59:18
make? Um the typical uh way of the future um >> oh Tinder >> Bumble >> Bumble's one of those two.
00:59:27
>> So yeah being being a bit blinder it's I can't really go out and like meet people
00:59:32
so it was sort of you know meet on there and didn't tell her I was blind. >> Um
00:59:37
>> didn't you why not? >> Uh you sort of learn that uh >> you don't have that in your profile like
00:59:41
as a No. No. >> No. So many times it's um you'd be talking to people for a while and then
00:59:50
or you know you tell them you're blind and you sort of stop getting replies. Um
00:59:54
stuff like that even though I'm not totally blind. Um you know most people wouldn't notice unless I go somewhere
00:59:59
unfamiliar. Uh but yeah, it's just uh what people do cuz obviously it's not
01:00:05
quite normal. So um yeah, I didn't didn't mention it to her. Uh but at this
01:00:11
point I'd already been to world champs a couple times. So she searched me on
01:00:15
Google and there was a couple articles or something like that. So she found out but she didn't tell me. So I was still
01:00:20
talking to her for I think we're talking like three or so weeks before we actually met. Um
01:00:27
>> she she done a a good little stalk by then. >> Yeah. Apparently. Yeah. Which I didn't
01:00:30
know until later. But um >> I think you got to do your own research on these things. I can for that.
01:00:35
>> Exactly. Exactly. But uh you know um because I hadn't told her, we had the
01:00:41
the place set which was a cafe just down the road from me um in Cambridge that I
01:00:46
could walk to and just my luck the day that we were going to meet. It was pissing down. So I was a
01:00:53
[ __ ] I can't I can't walk there cuz I'll get absolutely soaked. So my pilot from
01:00:58
the tandem I was calling him. I was like, "Man, can you come save me? I haven't told this chick I'm blind. So
01:01:02
can you come drop me off?" And he's like, "Oh yeah, yeah." You know, came
01:01:05
drop me off. And um I walked in there and walked straight into a bloody chair in front of her. Um I better tell you
01:01:11
straight away. I'm actually actually a bit blind. Um and she's like, "Yeah, I
01:01:14
know." So yeah, I don't know. Meant to be, I guess. Um >> that's cool. God, that must have felt
01:01:19
like um a huge amount of stress off your shoulders when she said, "Yeah, I know."
01:01:23
>> Yeah, sort of. Um >> yeah, why? >> I find that I mean, if I just met
01:01:27
people, they can see that I'm still pretty sweet. Um, but I think it's the
01:01:31
thought of I don't know, just people going, "Oh, he's blind. He like can't see anything.
01:01:36
I'll have to lead him everywhere. I'll have to do this." Whatever it may be. I
01:01:39
don't know. Um, but you're seeing me. Most people don't know I'm blind. So,
01:01:44
>> um, I still get around her to write until I smack into something. But, >> um, yeah, I don't know. And then, yeah,
01:01:50
later on she, well, that same day she wanted to meet Blaze, so she came blaze. And um yeah, like I said, she probably
01:01:58
only stayed for him, but uh but you know, she loved me eventually. >> Yeah. Yeah. How long did it take?
01:02:06
>> Um for what exactly? >> Well, like Yeah. To fall in love before you realize it was something serious.
01:02:11
>> Oh, I don't know, man. >> Obviously obviously when you when you
01:02:14
when you met in the cafe, you met for the first time and you said I'm blind and she's like, "Yeah, I know."
01:02:19
Obviously, you realized at that point that was not a barrier. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah,
01:02:24
I was a bit worried about the stalker though, but uh you know um yeah. No, she I don't know, it just
01:02:31
sort of just grew. And uh >> it was actually within a couple weeks of that as well. We um
01:02:37
had a very close family friend, the one that had the German Shepherds when I was
01:02:41
growing up, he actually ended up passing away. >> And my family had gone, well, my mom and
01:02:46
stepdad had gone to hospital to be with them because it was quite rushed. And um
01:02:50
I was in Cambridge. So I was like, "Shit, I need to get to hospital cuz he was like sort of like my dad when I was
01:02:56
younger. He was or at least the male role model for me." >> Um spent a lot of time with me when I
01:03:03
was a little fella and uh you know had to get there but I couldn't. So I had to
01:03:08
call her and I was like [ __ ] I don't want to ask and it would be a pain but
01:03:12
like do you reckon you could come and get me and take me to the hospital so I can go see him? And um she did that and
01:03:17
so it was sort of like yeah that kind of set her aside even more for me >> cuz it was like oh sweet you know.
01:03:24
>> Yeah. And she's um Yes. So you live in Cambridge? >> Yeah. >> Yes. Yeah. I can turn the air con on if
01:03:30
you want. >> No, it's all good. Just take the jersey off. >> Yeah. Um Yes. You live in live in
01:03:34
Cambridge. Um the Pod Lab studio is in Oakuckland. She she drove you up today. She's sitting out in the office watching
01:03:40
us now. >> Yep. >> She's probably thinking, "What the [ __ ]
01:03:42
You cry about the dog, but not me." Oh, she knows that, man. >> What um yeah, your your blindness. Yeah.
01:03:48
What how does it impact her? >> Like she drove you up here today. >> There's obviously things like that where
01:03:54
she where she's required to help or >> um Yeah, mostly. Like I mean, >> you're feeling independent though, eh?
01:04:00
>> Pretty much like I am now. Um only since sort of 2019. >> Mhm. >> Um when I finally got on to ACC and
01:04:08
started getting a driver. Um, so I can drive Masia around Cambridge and stuff like that, which is all good for me cuz
01:04:16
it, you know, gives me some independence again. And >> I was I've seen those cars. What is it?
01:04:19
What's driving my stasis? Ah, >> it's just a driving service, >> right? So it's like Uber for
01:04:24
>> Uber for people with like disabilities. >> Um, just anyone really, but it's like
01:04:29
they've got ACC contracts. So um yeah, they take people to whatever really. Um
01:04:36
because I'm permanent, they're on on for me to drive me around cuz >> you know uh the only thing I can't
01:04:43
really do is drive. So um in terms of yeah, independence and stuff. So um that's the biggest barrier
01:04:51
to me doing anything is being able to get there. So >> yeah, but um yeah, ACC paid for that,
01:04:57
which is good. >> But it was definitely a [ __ ] fight getting onto it. So
01:05:03
>> yeah, I've heard you better with Yes. So yeah. So you do you work now?
01:05:07
>> No. >> So you're unable to work or there's >> Wow. >> Is there anything you you you could do
01:05:11
or you want to do? >> That's the thing. I don't really know, but I am on ACC for the vision loss
01:05:17
because Yeah. I like I'm not able to drive. I'm not able to do the stuff that
01:05:21
I would do. Um don't know how much I'm allowed to say, but I can't really do
01:05:26
anything to get me into another field. M >> um and it's hard because um
01:05:33
like if I do anything I get ACC taken off me. So like I can earn like I get 80% of what I used to earn when I was 19
01:05:42
which >> Oh [ __ ] What was that >> back then? I was on 1350 an hour which
01:05:46
was minimum wage and uh the inflation does not Oh sorry it doesn't keep up with inflation at all. So, I'm not even
01:05:54
in the same place, let alone progressing or anything like that. So, um yeah, that's that's another story in itself.
01:06:03
But, uh >> yeah, >> it's a hard one cuz like given my situation, the uh you know, my my
01:06:08
potential for earning was actually taken away from me. >> Um >> you know, didn't get the career
01:06:14
progression or or anything like that because yeah, was out of my hands really. So um that's where ACC are quite
01:06:23
difficult. So yeah. >> Yeah. What do you want to do? >> Um I don't really know in terms of like a
01:06:32
full-on career. Like I thought of going into psychology for a bit. So I did a bit of
01:06:38
study and didn't end up finishing it. Studying is pretty bloody hard when you're blind. So um but I also studied
01:06:44
political science for a while. Um I still I have quite an interest in politics. Um there's you know being in
01:06:52
the system like I have been there's many things that have been highlighted to me
01:06:55
that need need to change. >> Um I do like working with dogs. Um so I don't know. I'm trying to figure
01:07:05
out how to piece it all together or what avenue to take. But >> um time will tell I suppose. But I mean
01:07:12
>> the other point is I don't really know how to get into some stuff >> like politics or anything like that or
01:07:19
whatever. But um I also I'd like to do like I'd like to help people. That's
01:07:28
that's the biggest thing I'd like to >> do like speaking, motivational speaking,
01:07:32
whatever. Tell tell sto tell my story. Um sort of mindset coaching, life coaching, something like that. I'm I'm
01:07:39
not really sure. I don't really know how to >> get on that path. >> Yeah.
01:07:44
>> Um I've done some speaking stuff in the past, just little gigs and stuff here
01:07:48
and there, but like I don't know how it all works legally with like pay and stuff like that. So, it's it's a hard
01:07:54
one like >> Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's just not knowing that sort of area, but like I'd
01:08:00
like to do something worthwhile like um meaningful. biggest thing is helping people and being fulfilled and um just
01:08:08
doing something important that may you know may save someone's life one day or
01:08:13
may may help them better their life or even just feel better. So >> um yeah there's many things I suppose I
01:08:21
could do but yeah >> well I I I would say you can do you can do just about anything you want to do.
01:08:27
You need to figure it out figure out what it is first and then just and then go for it. I suppose it's the hard bit
01:08:31
of the puzzle. Yeah, >> I suppose it's just like, you know, you have this
01:08:35
>> you have this vision of how you think your life's going to plan out and then
01:08:38
something happens, you know, life kicks you in the ass and suddenly it's not
01:08:42
going to look that way anymore and then it's figuring out how this new direction
01:08:45
is going to look. >> Yeah. Exactly. And >> and obviously that's still a piece of
01:08:48
the puzzle that you're working your way through. >> Yeah. So, my original thought was like
01:08:52
to to do the sport stuff and hopefully achieve what I was aiming for there and then it might
01:08:58
>> sort of set me up for the next part. >> Yeah. piece pieces of the puzzle fall
01:09:03
into place. >> Yeah. Yeah. But I haven't managed to do what I wanted to in that area yet. So, I
01:09:07
sort of I've hit a roadblock and I've just um I've been trying to navigate
01:09:11
that for a few years. So, >> um but yeah, in terms of the speaking and you know uh
01:09:18
yeah, motivational stuff or personal coaching sort of thing. I don't know. I'd love to do that in some some regard,
01:09:24
but then I suppose I don't know how do I advertise it to start getting gigs to to
01:09:29
go and do speaking stuff or whatever, but um certainly open and keen to do it. It's just uh starting to get the foot in
01:09:38
the door, I guess. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. We haven't even talked about the
01:09:41
sport stuff. Let's talk about that for a little bit. So, um >> parasycling for anyone that can't uh
01:09:47
visualize what it is. What What is it like a tandem bike on the Valadrome? >> Uh for me it is. Yeah. But parasycling
01:09:53
uh covers most all disabilities I guess. Um >> so you say for me it is why why because
01:10:00
you're >> on the tandem. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Because because you don't have enough
01:10:03
vision to do it. >> Yeah. Solo. Yeah. I could ride it by myself but not Well.
01:10:08
>> Okay. >> Um but >> So there's two of you and the other person's called a pilot.
01:10:12
>> Yeah. >> So does the other person pedal? >> Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah. Um so the
01:10:17
tandemss are a team sport essentially. Um, and the dude on the front has to be or the chick on the front for the girls
01:10:22
tandem, they've got to be really good as well. >> Um, you know, the tandemss are as fast
01:10:27
as the able body guys. So, uh, yeah, they're they're very it's a very hard
01:10:32
division. >> Um, but the parasycling encompasses or covers um people like in wheelchairs as
01:10:41
well or that that'll be the the hand cycle. So, their category is H. Um the C
01:10:47
categories cover there's C1 2 3 4 and 5. Uh C1 being the like most disabled and
01:10:54
C5 being the least disabled. But that encompasses like um like amputees or people um that have like MS. Um there's
01:11:06
sort of that's it's quite a complicated category. I don't really understand it
01:11:10
exactly but >> Yeah. There's so many variables e >> Yeah. Yeah. And they all get classified.
01:11:14
So >> they um have to see an actual classifier and doctor or whatever it is and they
01:11:20
have to >> I don't know they go through movements and all that sort of stuff. Like for me
01:11:24
I just have to eye test. So it's a little bit different for me but uh >> they don't make you wear um like some
01:11:30
sort of like like a mask or anything so your eyes are covered. >> N sports, don't they?
01:11:35
>> Yeah. Yeah. I don't quite know how that works but um like in like for the tandem there's only one
01:11:43
category, right? It's just you're on the tandem. That's that's pretty much it.
01:11:46
But some people may be totally blind and some may be partially like me. >> Um but like for say athletics there's
01:11:56
like you're classified as a one, two or three um was BBI, so blind, visually
01:12:00
impaired. Um one, two, or three. One was totally blind and three was like kind of
01:12:05
blind I suppose. Um so but yeah, in athletics and stuff like that, they actually have their separate categories,
01:12:11
I think. Right. But I could be wrong there. I'm not in that sport. So >> So what what's it like um you like going
01:12:18
around a Valad drive at what 70ks an hour? >> Yeah, it's sort of the top speed we got
01:12:22
up to 200. Um >> yeah, what's it like going going around a val 70ks an hour with only 5% vision?
01:12:28
>> Um is is it like the most exhilarating thing ever? Like you never felt more
01:12:32
alive or are you just [ __ ] yourself? >> Uh it's a bit of both, but I mean I was
01:12:35
always a bit of a thrill seeker, you know. That's sort of what appealed to me
01:12:38
was the speed and >> uh doing something that's could be a bit gnarly, you know. Um luckily we haven't
01:12:44
come off on the track, but if you do, you get pretty pretty minced up. Um yeah. Uh it's I don't know. I sort of
01:12:53
I'm holding the bars and pretty much all I see is my pilot's back and like the
01:12:57
top tube on the bike. Um and just what's directly below me. I don't really see
01:13:01
too much else. So >> Well, I suppose the steering aspect is the pilot's job, right?
01:13:05
>> Yeah. Yeah. Um how important is is that relationship like the level of trust
01:13:09
there like um and the level of communication involved between you and the pilot?
01:13:13
>> It's pretty important like you got to I mean for the team aspect of things like
01:13:17
you if you get to the level that we did you've got to travel with them and >> um you know room with them and all that
01:13:23
sort of stuff. So you've got to get on pretty well. Um and lucky for me with
01:13:26
with Jackson who was my pilot. Um oh I told him I'd give him a plug. He's he's
01:13:32
uh he's doing really well for himself now. Um Jackson Ogle um is he's got a
01:13:37
company called CL Fence Painting and he's yeah really into his business stuff
01:13:41
and and doing really well with that. So if anyone needs fences painted, man, go to CL Fence Painting on Instagram.
01:13:48
>> Yeah. So you heard it on um the Mitch episode of the Dom Harvey podcast and
01:13:52
you'll get 50% discount. >> I can't commit to that, but he's he does
01:13:57
a good job and he's he's really into it. E so um he's done he's done bloody good.
01:14:02
Um but yeah, we we get on pretty good and um yeah, he's still at my he came to
01:14:06
my wedding and stuff like that. And um he's been trying to help me a bit too
01:14:10
cuz he's quite business orientated and uh he's a really ambitious person. So
01:14:16
like when I first met him, he was only like 19, 18, 19. And he like straight away he was just like you could tell
01:14:23
like business mindset and he just straight away had this figure in his head of what he wanted to earn each year
01:14:28
to be like successful as such. like that was his goal and he's, you know, he's I
01:14:33
think he's smashing that. So >> awesome. >> But yeah, for a 19year-old to say that I
01:14:37
was like, "Shit, man." Like there's a big difference between him and me when I
01:14:40
was 19. >> There's different levels to the game, eh? Like people working at different
01:14:44
speeds. >> Yeah. >> So you must have been quite good at the cycling. Eh, so two years after starting
01:14:49
um that's when you compete at a national level. >> Um Oh, like you just you just ride
01:14:55
nationals, I guess. You just apply and you get in. Um, it was definitely a a process. Uh,
01:15:04
>> yeah. I don't know. It's It's hard because on the tandem you got to be
01:15:09
Yeah. like a team, I guess, you know? So, >> uh, but like the opportunity to train
01:15:14
and stuff like that is always a bit harder. Um, for me now, I'm actually set
01:15:19
up a lot better than I was when we made it to world champs in 2019. Um >> but yeah, for a few years there it was
01:15:27
pretty slow going I suppose. >> Um plus I had some more health things going on myself just cuz I wasn't
01:15:35
handling the training to start with cuz you know my my history and stuff like that and I was getting sick all the time
01:15:41
and um ended up getting my tonsils out because they were sort of dead from radiation
01:15:46
>> um cuz it was that exact same area. M >> um but yeah, it was a bit of a rocky
01:15:50
road and then the end on mid 2018 I got back into it cuz I'd had a bit of time
01:15:56
off to get all my tonsils out and all that sort of stuff. Um and uh yeah, then I shacked up with
01:16:02
Jackson and things moved pretty quick from there because we we jelled and he was an absolute beast himself. So, um
01:16:10
yeah, we we cracked it pretty fast and uh >> yeah, got to go to world champs in 2019
01:16:17
and 2020 and um got top eight and only eighth place. We didn't get any higher
01:16:23
than that, but still top eight, you know. So, um but for being eighth in the world was pretty cool. So,
01:16:29
>> you you used the word purpose before. Did um is that what paras parasycling
01:16:33
gave to you? A bit of purpose, bit of meaning, a reason to get out of bed. >> Yeah, for sure. it was like a target to
01:16:38
work towards, you know, so you sort of know where you're going. Um especially
01:16:41
once you actually get put in that team or you've hit the standard or whatever
01:16:44
it may be because it's a bit more concrete >> rather than sort of still up in the air.
01:16:49
>> Yeah. >> But uh >> yeah, it was cool working towards a goal
01:16:53
with Jackson as well cuz we both had that same goal. >> Um we did Yeah. did pretty awesome.
01:16:59
Pretty happy with what we did. Like the competitive side of me was like it's not
01:17:03
high enough. I want to get better. >> But like I want the medals. That was my
01:17:06
original goal, but I mean I can still say I've been top eight in the world at
01:17:10
world champs, you know. So, >> um still achievement. >> What's that moment like when when you
01:17:16
you know, you're representing your country for the first time? >> Um for me, I I was
01:17:22
I suppose like when we were on the bike warming up sort of the day of the race or the No, it's the day before. The
01:17:29
first time I put the actual New Zealand skin suit on, um I was sort of sitting there and this uh I know I said earlier
01:17:36
I didn't cry, but I actually had a tear in my eye this day. But uh I was uh I
01:17:40
was looking up and I was looking up cuz my I was I was speaking to my granddad and uh my dad my dad's passed away as
01:17:48
well. Um yeah, kind of just dang I [ __ ] made it. I'm doing it, you know. Uh, so
01:17:57
yeah, that was that was a bit of a surreal moment. Um, but then that you switch back in pretty quick going, "Oh,
01:18:03
[ __ ] I'm going to die in a second." Cuz those kilos hurt, man. They they kill
01:18:07
you. E. So >> um, yeah. But yeah, that was that little little somber moment of of Yeah. looking
01:18:13
up. And >> do you think it was even more special um because of the journey and the adversity
01:18:17
you've overcome? >> Yeah, pretty much. Um, it was sort of, >> how do you say it? It was like it was
01:18:26
surreal, but it was sort of like the most sort of relaxing feeling of like I knew I'd do it. Um I said I'd get
01:18:37
here and it's sort of just like I I was going to do it. I sort of So it wasn't
01:18:43
like a surprise as such. >> Um but it was still surreal if that makes sense. No.
01:18:49
>> Yeah. >> Mitch from uh 15 years ago, 2010. Mitch before before the before getting sick.
01:18:57
What would what would he make of the guy sitting in front of me now? >> Um I mean you'd think
01:19:03
he's a different person, I suppose. >> Um yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you'd be quite
01:19:12
surprised, that's for sure. Would >> he be proud of you? >> Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Um,
01:19:18
>> yeah, definitely definitely praise it. >> Uh, come a long way. That's for sure.
01:19:24
>> And if you could go back now and have 5 minutes with that 16, 17 year old
01:19:29
version of yourself, the one that's waking up dizzy, vomiting, scared, but sort of being dismissed by people. What
01:19:36
would you say to him? >> Get a second opinion. >> Yeah, pretty much, man. Um,
01:19:42
>> no, no, no. More more holistically than that, though. like like what would you
01:19:46
say? Would you tell them everything's going to be okay? >> Yeah, just Yeah, I mean you sort of um
01:19:53
stop being a [ __ ] is one of them. Um pull your head pull your head out, you know, but uh just yeah, just stick to
01:20:00
your guns. Go back and get you get that second opinion and you know >> um it's yeah, not going to be easy, but
01:20:08
you can do it. So yeah, >> I think that's probably the a good takeaway for anyone listening to this.
01:20:14
Hey, you know, be be your own doctor. Do your own research. Do your own study. If
01:20:19
you feel like something's not right and you've been you've been told everything
01:20:22
is all right, keep trying. Keep pushing. >> Yeah. That I mean the the other side of
01:20:27
that too is like there's too many Google doctors these days you hear about, right? Like you've got to do
01:20:32
>> Oh, 100%. GPT doctors. >> Oh, exactly. Yeah. Do do proper research. Um but if you've got a hint of
01:20:38
a feeling of something, don't just take someone else's word for it. Do your own
01:20:43
research. which is plenty of information available these days. So, >> um >> yeah, definitely yeah, check your
01:20:50
sources, but there's definitely enough out there to do some proper research and
01:20:55
um you know, don't just take the doctor's word for it, man. You don't
01:20:59
want to be unnecessarily rude or anything like that, but if you feel like you're being dismissed, argue.
01:21:08
You you you have to be your own best advocate. That's that's the only way to
01:21:11
say it. Um, at the end of the day, it's your life. >> So, you know, don't neglect it as such.
01:21:20
Just just fight for yourself because >> you're the only one who can do it. So,
01:21:25
>> yeah, I love that. I had um Honey Hammy Smiler on the podcast. She's like a a
01:21:29
rugby and rugby league commentator now, like one of the goats of New Zealand sport.
01:21:33
>> She lost her mom to cancer. her her wife um is living with stage four cancer and
01:21:38
and Honey's just become like a like a cancer expert. Like she reads what she
01:21:43
can, she studies what she can. >> Um like she she's Yeah. She's she
01:21:47
understands um that the oncologist. Are they the cancer people? >> Yeah. She understands that the for the
01:21:54
oncologist like her wife is only one of however many patients. >> So she's got to be the biggest advocate
01:21:59
she can be. And I find that super inspiring. >> Exactly. Yeah. And that's the that's the
01:22:04
thing like um if you've got some some legitimate information to share and question and stuff like that then you'll
01:22:13
probably open up an avenue that they may not have thought of because like you said they're seeing shitloads of people
01:22:18
every day right >> um and thinking of different cases and all that sort of stuff. So yeah, just
01:22:23
advocating for yourself and and having your own knowledge is pretty important. So
01:22:28
>> yeah, be a pain in the ass. Be the be the squeaky wheel that gets the oil.
01:22:31
>> Exactly. And it's like they might appear mad when you're doing it, but it's pretty important to get it
01:22:38
done, you know? So, >> well, it might actually be a matter of life and death.
01:22:41
>> Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. So, you know, short-term pain for long-term gain,
01:22:46
right? >> What do you still struggle with today that people probably assume you've
01:22:50
already overcome? >> Um, that's a good question. Um, I really don't know to be honest. Um,
01:23:04
probably one relevant one is like being in crowded situations. Not too bad, but like
01:23:11
>> I don't like it. >> Um, even just walking up the street to be honest, it's pretty frustrating. Um,
01:23:18
>> in what way? >> Yeah. Oh, just people. Like I know I don't look blind and all that but just
01:23:24
like the general manners of people in public like barely any people move for people you know. Um my reference to this
01:23:31
is I got to go to Japan in 2017 um for cycling and man their their society is insane. They're insanely
01:23:39
cool. um they're so respectful and you know walking up the street everyone I
01:23:46
don't know how they bloody how they do it but they've got their head down or
01:23:48
whatever and they're just all zigzagging for everyone and you know you say hi to
01:23:52
people there and they're so friendly. >> Um but just the you know walking
01:23:56
anywhere here you're trying to move and you know I can still see a bit so I'm
01:24:00
still looking out and trying to move out of the way but people just walk straight
01:24:03
at you >> and it's that is frustrating. I can't >> I can't get past that. that annoys me,
01:24:08
you know, >> just a bit of um what do you call it? I can't think of the word, but just
01:24:17
being, you know, moving out of people's way and just giving people a smile and a
01:24:20
wave or whatever and just be friendly. There's no need trying to put your shoulders back and act staunch or
01:24:24
something, you know? So, >> yeah. >> Um, what do you like with vulnerability?
01:24:30
You've got Lucy. Can can you talk to her about like what you're feeling? Like if
01:24:34
you're having a [ __ ] day, like do you sort of keep it to yourself or are you
01:24:37
are you good at like chatting to her about it or you got some good friends that you can talk to about how you're
01:24:41
really feeling? >> Um yeah, I definitely do. Um me personally, I talk about it a little
01:24:46
bit, but I'm kind of old school as well. >> Um I sort of I do keep stuff to myself, but like I
01:24:54
know it's it's good to talk and all that sort of stuff. Um but I'm going to get
01:24:59
given [ __ ] Hey, inside joke saying all that sort of stuff. Uh Lucy will get it.
01:25:04
Um, I don't know. Don't want to get in trouble, but >> trouble with her.
01:25:08
>> No, no, we I I'll reference it to to to clarify. But, uh, at our wedding, Bruce
01:25:12
heard her Lucy's dad made a speech and we were counting how many times he said
01:25:17
all that sort of stuff. >> Oh, yeah. >> And all all that kind of stuff and
01:25:20
heaps, so I've been saying it a bit too much. I'm not even realizing. So, it's a
01:25:23
good joke. >> Um, >> uh, I forgot the question. Sorry. Um, oh, like just, you know, are you good at
01:25:32
the vulnerability piece? >> Oh, yeah. Um, like talking about like when you're when you're struggling and
01:25:36
when you're having a [ __ ] day. >> Yeah. I mean, I I do sometimes. Other
01:25:39
times I just like to keep to myself and I sort of pull myself out of it and just, you know, do a ride on the bike or
01:25:44
whatever it is. I don't know. Um, I'll talk about it if I need to, >> but like I don't need to talk about
01:25:50
everything. Um, but it's definitely important if if you're at that point
01:25:54
where you need to talk, go bloody talk, you know? Um, >> but yeah, I'm like a Yeah, I can be
01:26:01
vulnerable, but I prefer not to be. But it's Yeah, needs based, you know. So,
01:26:05
>> I get it. Just when you get when things get really really bad. >> Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. And being
01:26:10
proactive on it is good, too, if you're in that in that case. Like, I mean, I
01:26:13
openly at the moment I'm seeing a psychologist as well. >> Um, get a few.
01:26:17
>> I am. How long has that been going on? >> I don't know, maybe 6 months.
01:26:23
>> Right. So, did did you have any therapy like at the time? No, >> no, no. Interesting.
01:26:28
>> No, no. So, >> were you offered one? >> Yep. >> Yep. >> Yeah. I was just like, no.
01:26:33
>> I just sort of >> classic, eh? >> Yeah. Just old school way. It's like,
01:26:36
no, excuse the language. [ __ ] that. Like, >> so why did you start seeing one now six
01:26:41
months 6 months ago? >> Um, just that that roadblock of what am I going to do? I'm just trying to
01:26:47
>> unpick my mind, you know, and just sort of maybe get some clarity and get a
01:26:52
vision to to go in the direction I want to go or finding that direction is the hard part. So,
01:26:58
>> um yeah, just Yeah, he's pretty good. >> Yeah. How you finding it? I I I um I I
01:27:05
put off going to therapy forever cuz I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] I don't know."
01:27:09
Like, like you sit down with a stranger, where do you start? like, you know, it just feels awkward and then you sit down
01:27:15
and you realize they're the professional and they'll just lead the conversation
01:27:18
and it's bloody great. >> Yeah. >> It's like a personal trainer for your
01:27:20
head. >> Yeah, pretty much. They ask one question and you start spilling everything. E so
01:27:25
>> um but I mean you got to have a little bit of um you got to click with them
01:27:30
too, right? Like yeah um luckily for me the first one I went to I clicked with. So,
01:27:35
>> um, yeah, he's he's he's pretty good and, um, it's good to just have a chat
01:27:39
>> and, >> you know, see what he >> see what he, uh, offers and
01:27:44
>> unpicks and stuff like that. So, it's, yeah, it's definitely a positive.
01:27:47
>> It's definitely not a weakness or anything. >> Just being proactive on it, you know,
01:27:51
but >> even saying that, just cuz you're seeing a psychologist doesn't mean you're
01:27:55
you're not going to have [ __ ] days. >> Um, but everyone has [ __ ] days. It's
01:27:59
just part of life, isn't it? So, just carry on. >> Do do you have more good days than [ __ ]
01:28:02
days? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Um but yeah, just being realistic,
01:28:09
right? Nothing's perfect all the time. So, >> um you just got to take it as it comes
01:28:13
and you know, know that you'll you'll get through it cuz you do. >> Yeah. And you got to have the bad days
01:28:18
to appreciate the good ones. >> Yeah, exactly. >> Um do you have any regrets?
01:28:23
>> Um yes and no. I suppose like I regret sort of doing the stuff I did in my later
01:28:32
teen years, but at the same time everything still makes you who you are today. >> Why? What do you regret? How bad were
01:28:38
you? >> From what you've explained, it sounds like you were pretty pretty normal and
01:28:41
standard. >> Yeah, pretty normal and standard, but just for me it was just sort of away
01:28:45
from my beliefs or my my morals, you know, um or my stances, I should say, on certain things.
01:28:51
>> Um had fun doing it, don't get me wrong. Um you know, if any of the boys listen
01:28:57
to this, they'll have a laugh at that. But uh you know um yeah I I don't know it just sort of
01:29:04
it took me down the wrong path basically. So but yeah like I said it all everything adds into who you are
01:29:11
today right so it's it's kind of a positive and a negative but um yeah in
01:29:17
terms of regrets not not really but you know >> some things are just better for you than
01:29:24
others I suppose. But yeah, >> um what do you think your best and worst habits are?
01:29:31
>> Um Lucy would definitely say my worst habit is procrastinating. Um but uh my best habit is I'm stubborn and
01:29:41
consistent. Even if I hate it, like I'll keep doing it. Um which is like the love
01:29:46
hate with training or whatever, I still stick to it because I have to. >> Um for my own sanity, if I don't do it,
01:29:52
I'm actually a lot worse off, even if I hated doing it to start with. M um but
01:29:57
yeah, my worst habit is yeah, probably my procrastinating. Sometimes I I'll sit
01:30:02
there and I I sort of stir in my head rather than being concise and direct. I'm like, [ __ ] I don't know. I don't
01:30:07
know. You know, and I sort of >> Yeah, I'm a bit lack decisiveness sometimes. So,
01:30:12
>> yeah, it seems like the impression I've got today is there's still some [ __ ] to
01:30:15
figure out. >> Yeah, exactly. >> But I think that's the same for most of
01:30:18
us to be fair. >> Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's sort of um I mean life's complicated for everyone,
01:30:23
isn't it? But, uh, like for me, I suppose I just find if I could still see, it would be a lot
01:30:30
easier because I'd >> of course >> just be able to just do it, you know.
01:30:33
Um, >> so yeah, I I don't know. Just see what opportunities can possibly arise in the
01:30:40
future and >> see what directions pop up. >> But yeah, >> um, if you had to find something
01:30:48
something good that's come from all of this, Yeah. what would it be? Um, >> it's taken away your eyesight, but has
01:30:56
it has it has it given anything good? >> Something good is that it's definitely shown me that I am very
01:31:05
resilient and you know, although it might suck for a while, you just, you know, the storm always clears, right?
01:31:13
>> Um, I can get through anything. I know I can. Um, you know, things will challenge you. It
01:31:19
might come across cocky, but it's not going to stop me. it's not going to beat
01:31:22
me. Um, I will win pretty much. Um, and that's sort of my tattoo on my arm I got
01:31:29
because of all my stuff. So, it's uh kind of tells the story with the storm clouds clearing and the sunshine coming
01:31:35
through. Um, blazes on the back of there as well, if you can see that. >> Oh, I can.
01:31:40
>> Yeah, I got him on there cuz it was like he's part of it, you know.
01:31:42
>> And what's the text? God always >> God always has something for you. Um,
01:31:48
[ __ ] How's it go? God always has something for you. A light for every like a key for every problem, a light
01:31:55
for every shadow, a relief for every sorrow, and a plan for every tomorrow. >> Um except one one funny thing is the
01:32:02
tattoo is actually writ place instead of plan. So it says place for every tomorrow, but it's like [ __ ] hell,
01:32:09
man. It was written out clearly and they got the word wrong. So it still fits, but like I know it's different, you
01:32:14
know? >> Did you get a discount? >> Nah. No. >> What the [ __ ] One job. I know it was
01:32:19
terrible. Like I drew it all up myself and stuff and like yeah I had [ __ ] eyesight but it definitely said plan. Um
01:32:26
and like I got it took a while to do and I got the f I got the words done first >> and I was at my mate's uh brother's
01:32:34
birthday thing later that night and this is in 2014 and um everyone was reading it and someone read out place for every
01:32:42
tomorrow's like no no it says plan and they're like nah bro it says place. I'm
01:32:46
like, "Oh, fuck." Like, >> but you you got done dirty by the doctor.
01:32:51
>> I know. >> And by the tattoo artist. >> I know. At least the tattoo artist
01:32:54
sounds funny, right? But >> but um yeah, it's a good laugh. At least it still fits. But I still say a plan
01:33:00
for every tomorrow cuz that's what it's supposed to be. So, >> you know,
01:33:04
>> you've been through a lot of [ __ ] Are you proud of yourself? >> Yeah. Yep. Yeah. I'd be lying if I say I
01:33:09
wasn't. I'm um I have very high expectations of myself. Um, which is why
01:33:14
I'm sort of not quite content with not achieving what I wanted to yet. Um, I
01:33:20
say yet because I'm still dabbling and hopefully getting back there, but it's
01:33:24
just the goalpost keep shifting so it's a little bit hard, but I mean I know I
01:33:29
can't do that forever either. So, um, yeah, we just got to take that as it comes and see see what happens. But the
01:33:37
most frustrating thing there is that when I went to Worlds with Jackson, um I was not probably the best prepared. Um
01:33:46
I'm a lot better prepared now and I'm a lot stronger. I'm faster and all that
01:33:50
sort of stuff. So that's a bit of a you can't say what if, but like um the best version of me is now. Um so I
01:34:00
can definitely make it again, but it's just everything needs to align. Yeah.
01:34:03
>> So, it's uh yeah, we'll see see what happens there. But, um still proud of
01:34:08
myself for what I've done. >> Yeah. Good on you. >> Um but yeah, I just want to keep it
01:34:12
going and do something important really. >> So, it's figuring out what what that is.
01:34:18
What's going to bring you that joy? >> Exactly. Um and yeah, I mean that would
01:34:22
definitely be around helping people in some some uh aspect, but >> um yeah, the speaking and all that.
01:34:29
Hopefully I could, you know, I can talk a bit of [ __ ] sometimes. So hopefully I
01:34:32
can spin a good a good presentation and, you know, help people in that way or talk about adversities and
01:34:39
>> yeah, >> um maybe ways I got through things, you know, everyone's different
01:34:45
>> but uh also everyone, you know, everyone's Everest is different, right?
01:34:50
What might be huge to me or to you might be tiny to me. Um but in terms of um relevance that might be the biggest
01:35:00
thing that person's gone through. So it's still huge to them. So >> yeah, you don't want to compare.
01:35:06
>> Yeah. You can't compare. Yeah. Exactly. So >> I mean if you compare, you can always
01:35:10
find some someone that's better off, but you can also find someone that's worse
01:35:13
off. >> Yeah. >> No one's No one's doing the same. >> Exactly.
01:35:16
>> You could even um if you want to help people, you could set up a um a spelling
01:35:19
school for tattoo artists. >> Yeah. Exactly. taking the advice from a blind guy.
01:35:25
>> Well, Mitch Wilson, it's been really nice connecting today. Thanks for coming
01:35:28
on the podcast. Have you enjoyed yourself? >> Yeah, man. I'm just uh very appreciative
01:35:32
of um uh getting the opportunity and you know, you've been willing to to hear my
01:35:37
story and you given me a platform and it's uh really awesome. So, thank you very much.
01:35:41
>> I appreciate you reaching out. It's been good to connect today. >> Yeah, mate. Thank you very much for
01:35:44
that. Eh, >> cheers, mate. And good luck for whatever the future may bring.
01:35:47
>> Yeah, you too. And um just uh you know from back in the year I just sto those
01:35:52
uh nude run days are over right >> they are long gone 52 now. Nobody nobody
01:35:59
>> nobody ever deserves to see that. >> Yeah. None of that streaking stuff mate.
01:36:04
>> Look after yourself. >> Sweet ass. Thank you very much Dominic.