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Lydia Ko & Israel Adesanya’s Mental Coach GRILLS ME on Negative Self-Talk, Self-Sabotage & More!

October 20, 2024 / 01:33:20

This episode features David NE discussing his book, "The Winning Mindset," and his experiences working with high-profile athletes like Lydia Ko and Israel Adesanya. Key topics include mental performance, overcoming challenges, and the importance of vision in achieving success.

David shares how he was approached by a publisher to write his book, which focuses on helping individuals develop their own winning mindset. He emphasizes the subjective nature of success, explaining that it can mean different things for different people.

He recounts his long-term relationship with Lydia Ko, starting when she was just eight years old, and how he helped her navigate the mental aspects of golf. David highlights her self-driven nature and the importance of her supportive environment.

David also discusses his work with Israel Adesanya, illustrating how they focused on mental strategies to help him visualize becoming a UFC champion. He shares anecdotes about both athletes and the significance of setting clear goals and maintaining a positive mindset.

The conversation touches on David's personal journey from a challenging school experience to becoming a successful mental performance coach, emphasizing the importance of resilience and self-awareness in achieving one's goals.

TL;DR

David NE discusses his book and mental coaching experiences with athletes Lydia Ko and Israel Adesanya, focusing on mindset and overcoming challenges.

Episode

1:33:20

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David NE welcome to my podcast hey thank

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you so much for having me mate mate I'm

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excited about this day who would have

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thought he who would have thought the

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the the scrawny kid from wellsly college

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um who was considered dumb by the system

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has now got a [ __ ] book yeah I know

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uh man and the thing is the book wasn't

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even in my sort of range of of vision

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you know I was I was concentrated on

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doing my education I was on on work and

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then out of the blue I get a uh a phone

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call from the publisher saying we we

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want you to write a book for us and I

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was like what the heck so it was a it

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was a bit of a surprise yeah very

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humbling too oh massively

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gratifying I've written books as well

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and I think it's the same sort of thing

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like I would have never had the I don't

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know like arrogance confidence

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whatever think I'm going to write acking

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book but when aish comes to you and says

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you should do this's a market for it

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it's incredbly gratifying yeah and and I

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think what's gratifying for me now is um

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you know

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like it wasn't on the radar I spent a

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lot of time and I I was very blessed to

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have a lady who helped me write the book

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Nick McCoy um I know Nick oh she's such

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a lovely lady and she was really clear

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that um you know she said we we're going

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to keep this sort of in a narrative

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that's you you know we're not going to

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try and like I said before we're not

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going to try and make there something

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more than what it is uh and

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um yeah so I was a little apprehensive

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um a little out of my depth I thought

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and um and here it is now that it's

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published uh I'm getting feedback from

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people and it just blows my mind uh

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people that are really enjoying it so

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it's it is it's bloody humbling yeah so

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the book is called the winning mindset

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book aside what is the winning mindset

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yeah well you know it it's it's B it's

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one of those subjective things mate for

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for you it could be winning a marathon

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for someone else it's overcoming a fear

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for someone else it's it's been able to

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present in front of a 100 people you

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know um ultimately you know what I want

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to be able to do is is give them a tool

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box of

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uh Concepts that help them overcome and

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become the best version of themselves

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and what's your nickname Mike Hoskin

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gave you a nickname on seven sh years

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ago and it sort of stuck what is it the

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the Yoda the the something yeah handsome

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Yoda no I think he fancied me no uh the

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the something Yoda yeah that's right I

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don't know that was gez that was a long

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that was for Lydia yeah that's a long

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time ago yeah well okay since you

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mentioned your name this I think this is

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probably a great way to start there's a

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con between who you are what you do and

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some of the people you've worked with so

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um the out of all the um high-profile

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people people you've worked with these

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two probably intrigue me the most um

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just because of the difference and what

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they do who they are in their Sports

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Lydia Co and Israel atna so Lydia Co um

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the the goat of women's golf and the

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greatest golf in New Zealand's ever

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produced yeah um you started working

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with her when she was um how old oh she

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was about eight right um and how how did

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that relationship come about well her

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coach guy wison um and and and I were uh

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worked together when we created The

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Institute of

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golf and through that you know we

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identified kids with talent and

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obviously the mental part was important

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and he made the introduction and and it

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just grew from there uh and what what

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been eight years working excuse me with

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lyia but what do you do because um

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you're like part of your I I was going

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to call it shtick but it's not really

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part of your thing is um you know you

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you you don't pull punches um it's like

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a tough love sort of approach what what

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the [ __ ] are you doing with like an

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eight-year-old kid yeah but with lyia I

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think what it was is enhancing a young

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lady who already had the right attitude

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um and it wasn't like it was a an

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intensive uh once a week sort of

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scenario you know uh it was more a very

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softer action reflection process um and

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I think the most important thing with

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Lydia she was really curious about um

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how she could be get how she could

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become you know a better golfer and and

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there were there were plenty of moments

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of frustration for Lydia and I think one

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of the contributing factors to her

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playing so well and developing so uh

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quickly probably was the fact that um

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before Lydia I had a young lady called

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Cecilia Cho who was the world number one

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amateur and Cecilia and Lydia played

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against each other and so there was this

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rivalry which I think uh there's nothing

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really as powerful as having some

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rivalry you know it just sharpens the

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sore so to speak uh it really does and

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it really it really benefit I mean there

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were times when Lydia was in the office

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she was very upset cuz she lost uh and

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you know she had to learn how to

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navigate her way through that and

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ultimately get herself into a position

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that she started winning consistently

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and that builds the momentum the belief

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and the potential and all these things

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grow to a point where where we have now

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as a young lady who's not even 30 in the

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Hall of Fame oh she's done it all like

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Olympic it's outstanding oh my God she's

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amazing so at that age um yeah who was

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driving her was it from her parents or

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was it from no Lydia was self-driven and

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again this is another thing that you

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know we've had over the years is you

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know her parents really drove drove her

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uh that is not uh what her parents were

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were incredibly supportive of a young

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lady and I tell the story I think one of

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the keys to Lydia's success was the one

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question that she would ask constantly

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at the range and and you you know she'd

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be the last one at the run she she had a

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key to lock up you know and the the last

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thing she would ask when Mom was cold

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tired and wanting to go home she would

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ask can I just hit one more and when

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she's hit that one she'd ask again can I

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just hit one more uh she was

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committed she was tenacious she

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outworked

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people

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wow I got good bumps hearing that so are

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you still in touch or not or is of a

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transactional Ab no we're still in touch

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absolutely yeah so you send her a

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message when she wins a gold medal yeah

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actually uh I think her book has just

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arrived uh at her place in uh in Florida

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won't give the address away uh but yeah

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you know she's looking forward to

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getting the book yeah how good and um

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yes on the other end of the completely

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different sport you you can't think of

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more different sports and sports people

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than um you know a young female golfer

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and um you know I wanabe UFC fighter

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who's going on to do incredible things

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so you started working with um Israel

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when he was um like a kickboxer that was

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losing fight yeah so he yeah he was

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struggling a little bit um it was

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2016 and uh I think it was his his coach

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and and I think the possibly the

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girlfriend at the time sort of kept

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talking about me and eventually we teed

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up to have a catch up um and again

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here's the other thing about uh

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exceptional athletes like Lydia in in

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Israel uh they understood the importance

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of the mental aspect uh and they were

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very keen and curious to

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investigate you know they were very open

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to to doing anything to give them the

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mental Edge uh so the the thing that

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like with Israel that we started with

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was sort of helping him to

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identify as a UFC champion and you know

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there's a little story that I tell

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actually you got two stories one for ly

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and one for Israel what I think is

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really important is you know you you

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always want to work with the Ender mind

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and and so that means you got to create

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the vision and when I work with my

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clients I get them to create a vision

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board so Lydia went away and and she

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brought me her vision board and what she

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had done she had golf Dodges magazine

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cover with Anica senson holding the US

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Open and what Lydia had done is she had

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cut off Ana's head and popped her head

00:09:08

on top of it now I love that cuz it's

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sensory specific she was clear on what

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she wanted right now the the wonderful

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story with Israel is the same thing and

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and what was really cool is uh Mike

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angrove who was one of the the trainers

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at City kickbox he he had uh Izzy

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staying with him and he came home one

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afternoon cuz these kids you know they

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train three times a day and he's having

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a thought he having a little snooze and

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there's Israel uh looking up at his

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vision board and what he had done he got

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one of his mates to take a photo of him

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and superimpose the middleweight UFC

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championship belt around him and so mik

00:09:48

goes past and there's Israel at the edge

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of his bed looking up at this vision

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board G on the UFA UFC middleweight

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champion of the world now the one thing

00:09:59

you constantly hear from uh Israel now

00:10:01

is I manifested this so it's the power

00:10:04

of vision you know thoughts become

00:10:06

things and that's that's the power of of

00:10:09

aligning in ttention with our tension

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and and and you you create uh something

00:10:16

that you become obsessed with a behavior

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do you know what I mean and it's it's

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it's knowing exactly what you want where

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you're going and creating it of little

00:10:26

small steps each and every day

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so that stuff actually works the vision

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Bo course it does yeah absolutely what

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what what other stuff would they have on

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the vision board or do you just need one

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thing like no no no it could be a number

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of things in fact I even how it all came

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about is I had one so uh

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200

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1994 uh when I thought about my ultimate

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Vision I'm a printer at this point I'm

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on $6 an hour as a bloody printer and a

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hating the job

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yeah out out copies Women's Day magazine

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[ __ ] I hated that with a passion um and

00:11:04

I I had this I drew this picture of me

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of a guy on stage which was me on stage

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with my hands up with a whole lot of

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thousands of people watching me because

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that sort of visually represented the

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ultimate version of me and uh years

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later it's it's become a constant

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reality it's it's pretty powerful man so

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when you reach where you want to go so

00:11:29

Foria Co making on the cover of oh hey

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Bella hello thank you thanks B

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lovely how's that

00:11:39

Jack oh my

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BM that's good cool that's all right

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thank you Bella thank you so so the

00:11:48

examples you gave with Izzy with the

00:11:49

belt on and um lyia Co on the cover of

00:11:51

golf dig magazine do does the vision

00:11:54

board constantly change like yeah it can

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change I mean here's the thing it's it

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there's there's a certain level of

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specificity that's required in it and

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it's got to be sensory specific to the

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person because you know I get the kids

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to do it and what they'll do is they'll

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have pictures of their Idols right and

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I'll go is that specific to you because

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you know the Mind wants specificity

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right you know when you think about goal

00:12:19

setting what's the first thing in the

00:12:21

formula is smart right so it's got to be

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specific and it needs to be sensory

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specific so that the the the

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subconscious mind identif

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fights so you know I get these kids to

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go away and they start getting pictures

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of themselves uh achieving what what you

00:12:39

know their ultimate goals are but having

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said that there's a number of different

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things I had uh I had another uh golfer

00:12:46

Michael Hendry that I've worked with and

00:12:48

you know he had he had uh he wrote out a

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check for over a million dollars to

00:12:55

himself to win on tour you know what Jim

00:12:59

Carrey did the same thing I think with a

00:13:00

5 million yeah man Michael's achieved

00:13:03

that constantly you know so you you've

00:13:08

put it this way if I said to you I'll

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give you a million

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dollars what's the first thing you're

00:13:14

going to ask well where is it you know

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and let's get clear on what the hell I

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want you know so you know what happens

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with a lot of people is that we're we're

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ambigu we're we're we're ambiguous with

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our language for instance people

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constantly say something like you know I

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wish I had more money so you go down the

00:13:33

local Dairy you you grab a few things

00:13:35

you get some change you get a scratchy

00:13:37

you win

00:13:38

$2 you got more money but are you

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happy so the power of focus on

00:13:46

specificity is really important what

00:13:48

exactly do you want well how much money

00:13:50

do you want you absolutely yeah yeah I I

00:13:53

know for me one of the things in in the

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the early chapter of the book is you

00:13:58

know if you couldn't fail what would you

00:14:00

like to

00:14:01

do yeah I read that part in the book and

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um I think the thing for me that felt uh

00:14:08

quite confronting about that is I didn't

00:14:10

even know I didn't even know the

00:14:14

answer and that in itself is an answer

00:14:18

isn't it because what it now you have to

00:14:20

do is that you've challenged to really

00:14:23

kind of ask better quality questions so

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the fundamental thing here is the

00:14:29

quality of your life is directly related

00:14:32

to the quality of the questions you ask

00:14:34

of yourself and others and it's too easy

00:14:37

when I say to so the kids if you could

00:14:40

not fail what would you like to do and

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the initial response is I don't

00:14:45

know and then I'll go but if you did

00:14:48

know what would you say and you got to

00:14:51

start challenging people because you

00:14:54

know we've got to be consciously engaged

00:14:58

through that the beautiful thing we

00:15:00

we've got personal agency you know and

00:15:03

it's up to us and you start challenging

00:15:06

people to think and the other thing is

00:15:08

you weave into that something like well

00:15:10

you know give yourself permission to

00:15:12

dream big right uh and then I get all

00:15:15

sorts I far I like Air Force I want to

00:15:18

be on a rocket and and all these things

00:15:21

and for the young kids it's not like we

00:15:24

have to go oh don't be don't be stupid

00:15:26

there's no way I it I want to encour

00:15:28

enourage the kids to dream big and then

00:15:31

over a period of time as they mature

00:15:33

they'll get a little bit more clarity

00:15:35

but at least they' got the habit of

00:15:37

asking themselves better quality

00:15:39

questions that will set them up to put

00:15:41

them on a better path to I mean there's

00:15:44

nothing more exciting in than knowing

00:15:46

where you're going and and and and and

00:15:49

striving for that yeah as opposed to

00:15:52

being lost yeah well my um from the from

00:15:55

where I'm sitting now as a 51 year old

00:15:57

man like one of my big regrets is

00:15:58

probably not dreaming bigger but when

00:16:00

you're a kid growing up in um a town

00:16:02

called pist north um yeah I suppose like

00:16:05

being on the radio seemed like the the

00:16:07

the most outlandish outrageous but it's

00:16:10

appropriate to you though isn't it yeah

00:16:12

yeah yeah I mean you could have been

00:16:15

someone working on a laboring job still

00:16:17

in the same town yeah that's true you

00:16:19

know it's all proportionate depending on

00:16:22

what each individual you and I are alike

00:16:24

I mean I'm a South Oakland boy who left

00:16:28

school with no qualifications got a job

00:16:30

as a printer

00:16:32

miserable and then suddenly I decided

00:16:35

you know enough's enough I'm going to

00:16:36

just start designing my life now when I

00:16:38

think about how I live my life now as I

00:16:41

said to you it's Friday I don't work

00:16:44

Fridays I have Friday Saturday Sundays

00:16:47

off and when you think about the amount

00:16:49

of clients that I see

00:16:51

fundamentally I work a two-day working

00:16:54

week now going back to when I was a I

00:16:57

used to get excited about doing 60-day

00:17:00

60 hour weeks cuz I needed the freaking

00:17:02

money and I was excited about overtime

00:17:05

yeah those factory jobs are hard it's

00:17:07

[ __ ] I hated it absolutely hated it

00:17:11

yeah so um we'll poke around some of the

00:17:15

other um organizations and people you've

00:17:17

worked with and then we'll get into the

00:17:18

um the Dave story so yeah you mentioned

00:17:20

Michael Hendry before how he was at the

00:17:22

Olympics recently how's he doing cuz he

00:17:24

got diagnosed with cancer like um a year

00:17:26

and a bit ago oh man I'll tell you that

00:17:28

was that was uh I remember uh having a

00:17:32

conversation with him and I want

00:17:34

obviously out of respect for Mike I'm

00:17:36

not going to go into great depth but you

00:17:38

know we we discussed the inevitable

00:17:40

potentially um and that was a tough

00:17:43

conversation the inevitable being de

00:17:46

absolutely you know uh and you know

00:17:50

what's what process do we have to set up

00:17:53

in case that does happen you know uh but

00:17:56

Michael's uh a acious stubborn bastard

00:18:01

and he he was he was determined to to

00:18:04

conquer this and uh we had a few

00:18:07

sessions and uh honestly hats off to

00:18:10

that guy I think a lot of it comes down

00:18:12

to his mindset I think his driving force

00:18:16

though ultimately was uh his wife and

00:18:19

his daughters family is really important

00:18:22

for Mike Mike's very he's not a uh he's

00:18:27

in the Limelight with his golf but

00:18:29

ultimately he would just like to be at

00:18:32

home with his kids MH yeah and the the

00:18:36

breakers yeah they were you work with

00:18:38

the breakers 2015 oh man I I tell you I

00:18:40

love working with them yeah how so I can

00:18:43

understand like working with individuals

00:18:44

but how does how does that apply when it

00:18:46

it's magnified to a team yeah well

00:18:48

obviously there was a combination of the

00:18:50

collective working with you know uh you

00:18:53

know uh the the vision the goals for the

00:18:56

team and then from there I started

00:18:57

working with the individual

00:18:59

and he here's a here's I've worked with

00:19:02

some amazing guys but I remember we we

00:19:05

ran a seminar uh for the

00:19:09

boys and uh a lot of the

00:19:13

Imports and a guy called AA who who that

00:19:16

was a dude that put up the shot on the

00:19:18

buzzer for uh the breakers to win the

00:19:21

NBL I think it's two

00:19:24

2016 anyway so I run the seminar and

00:19:28

afterwards [ __ ] a big way jumps up and

00:19:31

he goes you know what you are man you're

00:19:33

real [ __ ] you're real it just he

00:19:36

loved it right and I've kept in touch

00:19:39

ever since you know it's and I think

00:19:42

that's what a lot of the athletes like

00:19:44

working with me is um I'm I'm sort of a

00:19:47

bluecollar guy I can understand what

00:19:50

they've gone through I've pushed myself

00:19:53

to the limits physically uh with with

00:19:55

the p of and strong man uh and and

00:19:59

there's a there's a mutual understanding

00:20:02

uh and a respect there um and I think

00:20:05

that's sort of gives me that little bit

00:20:07

of

00:20:08

edge your your opening line is um do you

00:20:11

give me permission to be blunt and

00:20:12

honest yeah yeah um that that's your

00:20:15

opening line for

00:20:16

everyone yes not not all the time but

00:20:20

most of the time I mean you know I'm not

00:20:22

going to say that to a a 12-year-old

00:20:24

coming for the first time right I don't

00:20:27

want to scare the [ __ ] I'll scare the

00:20:29

[ __ ] out of them and then make them

00:20:31

perform yeah yeah because um I think

00:20:33

it's a good good thing to say especially

00:20:34

in this day age we oh don't get me on

00:20:37

this yeah yeah no I I look I the one

00:20:40

thing that I am absolutely committed to

00:20:44

is to be blunt and honest because you

00:20:47

know we tiptoe around emotions now

00:20:51

listen this is where I've said you know

00:20:53

I'm mental performance I'm not mental

00:20:55

health right mental performance is

00:20:57

performance and you can't [ __ ] foot

00:21:01

around if you're a powerlifter who wants

00:21:03

to hit a a 220k bench mate you can't

00:21:07

have any freaking doubt in your head if

00:21:10

you're about to go into a fight you

00:21:12

can't have doubt in your head if you're

00:21:15

going and you have doubt that can

00:21:18

potentially contaminate your round when

00:21:21

you're playing tournaments you're not

00:21:23

going to win you must have uh an

00:21:26

undoubtable belief in self you have to

00:21:29

be able to manage your mind in such a

00:21:31

way that your thoughts and your feelings

00:21:34

and your actions are congruent with what

00:21:37

the outcome is what you want to create

00:21:40

so so being blunt and honest like how

00:21:42

does that look um in the early days with

00:21:44

um those examples before like Lydia Co

00:21:46

and isna Y um I'll call them out on the

00:21:49

victim story right right yeah so is's

00:21:53

victim story well I he didn't have a

00:21:55

victim story per se but generally you

00:21:58

know you get clients that you know it's

00:22:00

hard for me and and one of the things

00:22:02

that I'm trying to sort of reiterate is

00:22:04

the importance of uh language you know

00:22:08

listen to what you're saying right

00:22:11

what's the goal I want to be world

00:22:13

champion okay so what are you speaking

00:22:16

right now oh it's really hard for me to

00:22:18

get

00:22:19

motivated uh or I put someone on a

00:22:22

pedestal you know I love to be like well

00:22:25

you put people on a pedestal you give

00:22:27

your power away

00:22:29

so it's calling them out on and ensuring

00:22:32

their idty they go to a place where they

00:22:35

become clear and

00:22:37

congr

00:22:39

right

00:22:41

so see someone like Lilia the picture

00:22:44

you P you've painted of her is um a kid

00:22:48

that just wants has the strive to be the

00:22:50

best so how you blunt and honest with

00:22:52

her you you you tell her to rain it in

00:22:54

or I didn't have to be blunt and honest

00:22:57

with liia you had permission to but you

00:22:59

didn't exercise the right Lydia Lydia

00:23:02

was honestly easy

00:23:06

because when she had a session with me

00:23:09

the first part of the session obviously

00:23:10

was to bowl up and play with my dogs

00:23:13

before she came and because that was

00:23:15

more important to her when she was 8 9

00:23:17

10 11 right and then we sit down and we

00:23:19

had a real simple action reflection

00:23:22

process right so we talk about we we we

00:23:25

talk about the tournament and it's about

00:23:28

who

00:23:29

learning to be able to reflect in such a

00:23:32

way that we could be critical without

00:23:35

undermining yourself confidence right so

00:23:38

you know she would start talking about I

00:23:41

got a little anxious on the first tea

00:23:43

probably because there was a lot of

00:23:44

people there okay so how do we deal with

00:23:47

that um I got a little anxious CU my

00:23:50

chipping wasn't very good that day right

00:23:53

but how do you overcome what can we do

00:23:55

to overcome that um because gol's not

00:23:58

not a game of perfect so ultimately what

00:24:01

it is is that you need to be able to

00:24:02

control what you can

00:24:04

control now the foundation of that

00:24:07

control is in the physiology and you to

00:24:11

learn how to manage your mind and

00:24:14

body it improves probability it can't

00:24:17

guarantee a win but it improves

00:24:20

probability now when you get a Continuum

00:24:23

on that and you build the momentum on

00:24:25

that you end up with a Lydia Co who

00:24:28

constantly

00:24:30

winning that's the key

00:24:33

yeah [ __ ] that's powerful isn't that so

00:24:35

so the stuff you do like how does I can

00:24:38

understand um with these high performers

00:24:40

because if you if you think like the

00:24:41

pyramid you know the Israel Adas or the

00:24:44

Michael Hendry or the lyia co they um

00:24:46

they want someone that's going to going

00:24:48

to thres them and be blunt and honest

00:24:50

yeah yeah um how does that work when

00:24:52

you're doing like a keynote speech to

00:24:54

150 accountants or whatever [ __ ]

00:24:56

accountants

00:24:59

mate I'll tell you the the thing is you

00:25:02

know the the it's all scalable right

00:25:06

it's all applicable though you know the

00:25:09

the importance of managing yourself

00:25:13

through your self awareness you right I

00:25:16

mean fundamentally you cannot change

00:25:18

anything you don't first recognize so

00:25:20

how I you know things like being aware

00:25:23

of your language your

00:25:24

representation you know think about this

00:25:27

some people winter [ __ ] on about the

00:25:29

cold other people

00:25:32

ski it's perception right yeah yeah yeah

00:25:35

and [ __ ] you know we go through life and

00:25:37

we have all these filters some people go

00:25:40

Doom and Gloom and that's reflected in

00:25:42

their language actually um yeah when

00:25:45

we're recording this it was um a few

00:25:47

days after the most recent UFC in pth

00:25:50

305 um and did you watch that by chance

00:25:53

oh hell yeah so so um I bring this up as

00:25:55

an example because um like for me it

00:25:58

would be the most unfathomable thing

00:26:00

like the worst fear being in the octagon

00:26:01

and then um I can't imagine what it look

00:26:03

like after four rounds um just the fear

00:26:06

in my eye you wouldn't be any you

00:26:07

wouldn't be pretty anymore that's well I

00:26:09

wouldn't I wouldn't actually I'll take

00:26:11

that back I wouldn't I wouldn't be at

00:26:12

the point where I'm sitting in between

00:26:13

round four and round five but but here

00:26:15

we have um Dan the H hangman hooker um

00:26:19

gashes all over his face blood pissing

00:26:22

out of his face in between round four

00:26:23

and round five the fight's still in the

00:26:24

balance um and he's sitting on the stool

00:26:27

with you know Eugene whispering in his

00:26:29

ear big smile on his face and then he's

00:26:31

caught on Mike saying I love this [ __ ]

00:26:33

okay so here's the thing look at that

00:26:36

representation when you love

00:26:39

something right you want to do it don't

00:26:42

you you mean how do you train yourself

00:26:43

to like love being well again you know

00:26:47

how long has he been fighting so it's

00:26:50

understandable for you who's never been

00:26:51

in enough ring or in the fight so to

00:26:53

speak to go I just can't understand that

00:26:56

but I I would say that Dan would be

00:26:58

sitting here and going what sort of [ __ ]

00:27:00

would goes and runs 60 km you know

00:27:04

[ __ ] 100K runs and ultramarathon say

00:27:06

you n what's the point there's no point

00:27:09

I rather have something active where I'm

00:27:12

punching someone on the face so we're

00:27:15

all different man you know um but

00:27:17

ultimately for what I've taught what I

00:27:20

teach my clients is the performance

00:27:23

window and there are basically three

00:27:25

states right and I like to keep things

00:27:28

simple three is a good

00:27:30

number so the base of that is calm right

00:27:34

now you can't make good decisions when

00:27:36

you're not calm when you're hysterical

00:27:39

you make dumb decisions right so you got

00:27:41

to be calm the next is Happy when you're

00:27:45

happy it's very hard to access negative

00:27:48

selft talk or doubt right what's the

00:27:50

physiology on your face when you're

00:27:51

happy it's you know and people like that

00:27:55

uh how do you know when someone's

00:27:56

depressed well down so we learn to

00:28:01

reframe things to serve us and then the

00:28:03

ultimate is obviously what I talked

00:28:05

about was the the alter ego and that's

00:28:08

where you have the style Bender that's

00:28:10

where you have all sorts of different

00:28:11

alter egos that people can use to help

00:28:15

them go to another level of focused

00:28:19

performance right that makes a yeah yeah

00:28:22

I had um Michaela blide on the podcast

00:28:25

recently from the uh the New Zealand

00:28:26

Sevens just recently back from Paris and

00:28:28

um yeah she she calls herself on the

00:28:31

field Minnie yep and Minnie is a

00:28:33

different person

00:28:35

to yeah Michaela is Immortal and she has

00:28:38

limitations uh but what was her ego

00:28:41

Minnie Minnie is is Flawless Fearless

00:28:46

amazing you know I've worked with this

00:28:48

all the time now here's a prime example

00:28:51

because we are very good at uh creating

00:28:55

a story that can sabotage our potential

00:28:58

right so I had a lady come and see me

00:29:00

and she said look Dave uh I need some

00:29:04

help I've got a a tournament coming up

00:29:06

for a golf and I can't play I can't play

00:29:09

um bunker shots and she said please I

00:29:12

need you to come and help me and I said

00:29:14

okay and so we went out this little

00:29:16

corner of the of of the golf course I

00:29:18

threw some golf balls and then I said

00:29:20

you know show me goes look I'm just

00:29:22

[ __ ] useless and she she's working

00:29:25

hard to prove to me that she can't

00:29:28

now she wants a change in 30 seconds

00:29:31

right now I'm pretty good at what I do

00:29:34

and I I like this sort of challenge

00:29:35

right so I said to her you know what

00:29:37

we're going to do because I know how

00:29:38

important it is for you right now to

00:29:40

make that change to be able to really

00:29:43

hit those bunker shots easily and

00:29:45

effortlessly whenever you hop in that R

00:29:47

so I'm starting a hypnotic [ __ ]

00:29:49

language uh and I said I want you now

00:29:52

just to are you are you prepared to play

00:29:55

a game with me she goes yeah I said okay

00:29:58

all I want you to do is to act and

00:30:01

pretend that you're Anica

00:30:03

senson and there's a whole lot of girls

00:30:05

here and you're doing a seminar on how

00:30:08

to get out of a bunker right so I want

00:30:10

you to close your eyes and I want you to

00:30:12

associate so

00:30:13

immediately when she Associated into

00:30:16

Anica senson what happened the

00:30:18

physiology

00:30:19

changed right so the shoulders are back

00:30:22

the right and and that's when I I

00:30:24

anchored the state and I said now I'm

00:30:27

when you open your eyes your anaka s and

00:30:29

there's three balls in there show us how

00:30:31

it's done so okay well couple of key

00:30:35

things so she's going now you need to

00:30:37

set your feet so that the club doesn't

00:30:39

blah blah blah and she goes through and

00:30:41

she hits the shot up like that far from

00:30:44

the

00:30:44

hle she goes what the [ __ ] have you done

00:30:47

to me and I said I haven't done anything

00:30:50

You' done it to yourself you self

00:30:52

sabotage you know like I said you cannot

00:30:55

change anything you don't first

00:30:57

recognize and one of the key things you

00:30:59

need to recognize is what is the story

00:31:01

I'm telling myself I did it for years I

00:31:05

was constantly seeking

00:31:08

affirmation uh or confirmation that I

00:31:11

was thick and it wasn't until I was 20

00:31:14

when I was diagnosed as dyslexic that it

00:31:18

unlocked a whole new world for me you

00:31:22

know [ __ ] then you go on an adventure I

00:31:25

am very much the existential

00:31:28

right I think we're thrown in this world

00:31:30

we live we die that's it right so for me

00:31:35

I want to get as much out of this time

00:31:37

that I'm on this planet as possible that

00:31:40

fascinates me the one thing I get pissed

00:31:43

off was people that say they're bored

00:31:46

they're not bored you're just

00:31:48

boring so you know I there's so much to

00:31:52

do yeah um you mentioned before um the

00:31:55

phrase um self- sabotage yeah can we can

00:31:59

we talk about that for a little bit

00:32:00

because I think um yeah my my inner

00:32:03

voice I I like I don't I don't it's

00:32:05

nowhere near as good as what it could be

00:32:07

but I've I've got a conflicted

00:32:09

relationship with it cuz I know it's a

00:32:10

bad thing but then on the flip side of

00:32:13

that like I don't want to give myself

00:32:14

too much of a passcard do you know what

00:32:16

I mean like I don't want to I feel like

00:32:18

um if flogging myself a little bit gives

00:32:21

me a little bit of an age with some

00:32:23

things but I know it's unhealthy in

00:32:24

other things so so say for example I'm

00:32:27

going for 30k training run and after

00:32:29

10ks I I'm not feeling good so so I call

00:32:32

it done I'm not going to I'm never going

00:32:34

to go oh well I'm still proud of myself

00:32:35

I did 10K so that's all good yeah I

00:32:38

think you got to be very careful with

00:32:39

that right because here's the thing um

00:32:43

and I talk about this so

00:32:46

imagine uh a

00:32:49

picture or a bowl full of clear crystal

00:32:52

clear water and through that water you

00:32:55

can see your vision right now we have

00:32:59

something like 60 to 880,000 thoughts a

00:33:02

day God knows how poor prick we could

00:33:05

you know imagine trying to count that

00:33:07

but anyway through your Consciousness

00:33:10

that's the

00:33:11

gatekeeper uh if you're not conscious of

00:33:14

it and not self-supportive without being

00:33:16

deluded right but you've got to be more

00:33:19

self-supportive because it's a little

00:33:21

bit of D it's insignificant but you can

00:33:24

imagine if you had 20,000 negative

00:33:26

thoughts

00:33:28

it stains the ball you know what I mean

00:33:31

I think there are times where a quality

00:33:36

athlete

00:33:37

knows themselves that predominantly

00:33:40

consistently over a long period of time

00:33:43

I've been consistent with my training

00:33:45

and I pushed myself there are days when

00:33:47

you also have to listen to the body

00:33:51

because you've tuned into it and give

00:33:53

yourself permission to have a break the

00:33:57

challenge that we have is to

00:34:01

which the the choice in that moment do

00:34:05

you know what I mean because uh that is

00:34:08

where you can start to cheat yourself uh

00:34:13

and that's when I said what's your

00:34:14

intention it has to align with your

00:34:17

attention and if your attention is not

00:34:20

in alignment with it then you can start

00:34:23

sabotaging your ability to progress if

00:34:27

you're con going 10ks and the

00:34:29

requirement is 30 and you're constantly

00:34:32

going [ __ ] this too hard you know I'm

00:34:34

too tired and that becomes a habitual

00:34:37

process that accumulates over a period

00:34:39

of time then your mile short of the mar

00:34:42

yeah you got to better call yourself out

00:34:43

on your own you have to have a level of

00:34:45

selfawareness you know because what

00:34:48

tends to happen is we can create a

00:34:50

victim story that then can populate a a

00:34:54

behavior of you know procrastination you

00:34:57

know I want my people to be do it now

00:35:00

people now ideally it's knowing it's

00:35:03

it's a bit like pain there is pain and

00:35:06

there's acute pain so you're you're

00:35:08

running for 10ks and there's an acute

00:35:10

pain something's not right you stop

00:35:13

that's smart ideally though uh when you

00:35:17

start to feel pain you know that the

00:35:19

better version of you is on the other

00:35:22

side of that pain you got to push

00:35:24

through

00:35:25

that but with when you have Clear

00:35:28

Vision you'll Embrace that challenge

00:35:32

because the gift is the challenge the

00:35:35

gift is the pain when you learn to

00:35:38

understand that pain is The Universe

00:35:42

telling you it loves you [ __ ] you push

00:35:45

through that [ __ ] do you know what I

00:35:46

mean it's like [ __ ] bring it I want

00:35:49

that [ __ ] suddenly you're down the

00:35:52

hangman [ __ ] and in that moment cuz you

00:35:55

know you could quit and you don't quit

00:35:57

what does it do for your self-esteem and

00:35:59

confidence you overcome yeah but most

00:36:03

people we have this early warning system

00:36:05

when and when we get close to that

00:36:07

threshold most people go oh [ __ ] it's

00:36:09

just too hard and they're really good at

00:36:10

convincing themselves to fall

00:36:13

short and they wonder why they never

00:36:16

progress [ __ ] what we talked about this

00:36:19

not just in a physical way but also a

00:36:21

mental way the key to success is [ __ ]

00:36:25

failure and yet we get so worried about

00:36:28

failing we never

00:36:31

fully we we never fully reach our

00:36:34

potential we need to be exposed we need

00:36:36

to be

00:36:37

vulnerable you know it's [ __ ] awful I

00:36:40

remember my ultimate goal one of them

00:36:43

was to be a great public

00:36:45

speaker and we're in Vegas and I've got

00:36:48

an opportunity to talk in front of 5,000

00:36:50

people with a guest speaker that night

00:36:52

Jim Ry who's my [ __ ]

00:36:54

Idol and uh like I I'm at the point now

00:36:58

where I'm about to go on stage and I'm

00:36:59

desperate for any excuse to not do it

00:37:03

and I came up with something brilliant I

00:37:05

said to my wife I can't go on stage I'm

00:37:08

I'm sweating soaking wet it's

00:37:11

embarrassing she just pulled it out

00:37:13

another [ __ ] t-shirt goes right put

00:37:15

it on [ __ ] off and get out there you

00:37:17

know I loved her for that but I I I

00:37:21

would I say that I delivered a great

00:37:23

speech in in for me no not really but it

00:37:28

wasn't so much about delivering that as

00:37:30

it was overcoming it's the overcoming

00:37:33

that's the power right that night having

00:37:37

dinner with my wife I felt a a hand on

00:37:39

my shoulder I looked up and it was Jim

00:37:42

R and he said mate you you talk really

00:37:46

well uh tonight you have a bright future

00:37:49

in this business

00:37:51

wow so pain means New Life man it's hard

00:37:56

though he because you know we all know

00:37:58

listen to your language we yeah we all

00:38:00

know that um yeah failure is um like a

00:38:02

stepping stone to success but it still

00:38:03

[ __ ] sucks at the time no no you've

00:38:06

got to learn to reframe things to serve

00:38:08

you right then you just think what you

00:38:10

just said then it's hard eh well that's

00:38:13

putting up another barrier on top of

00:38:15

another bar it's

00:38:17

listen I I remember on the other side of

00:38:21

pain is a better version of you right

00:38:23

now I I spent time a lot of time in the

00:38:26

gym now you've got you know a

00:38:29

320k squat you know something could

00:38:34

snap but I know that if I focus on the

00:38:37

potential for something to snap then I

00:38:39

am not fully

00:38:40

committed and I have to act as if and so

00:38:45

that it's overriding that that that fair

00:38:49

response and for me reframing that to

00:38:53

serve me f you go on a joury I mean you

00:38:56

think of academ yet now I left school

00:38:58

with no

00:38:59

qualifications been dyslexic my school C

00:39:02

English paper I wrote my name put the

00:39:04

pen down I thought what's the [ __ ]

00:39:05

point I'm going to fail

00:39:07

anyway later on when I leared that I'm

00:39:11

dyslexic and then leared how to learn

00:39:13

here I am now writing papers I'm doing a

00:39:16

degree in philosophy and I'm nailing A's

00:39:20

now what's my language about essays now

00:39:23

I absolutely love writing essays I have

00:39:28

my own affirmations A+ is most like me

00:39:31

sits on my computer and I've been

00:39:33

getting these A's now go back 40 years I

00:39:38

wouldn't have thought

00:39:40

that what was my language then or what's

00:39:43

the [ __ ] point that becomes your

00:39:46

reality so again it's important for

00:39:48

people to mind your language be

00:39:51

consciously aware what is the [ __ ]

00:39:53

story I'm telling myself then back it up

00:39:56

and understand when I say give yourself

00:39:58

permission to be brilliant that is

00:40:01

ambiguous be brilliant for you your your

00:40:05

the thing that you want to overcome and

00:40:07

this is what Kyle young talked about

00:40:09

where fear lies there's your task and

00:40:12

when you start attacking those things

00:40:15

[ __ ] you become a better version of

00:40:17

yourself you know isn't it interesting

00:40:19

we want a people want confidence but

00:40:21

isn't it interesting when we say we

00:40:24

build confidence how do we build

00:40:26

confidence we build it through putting

00:40:28

ourselves and exposing ourselves to

00:40:30

tough conditions face that and when you

00:40:34

overcome [ __ ] you put yourself on the

00:40:37

path to happiness man yeah how do you

00:40:40

reframe that like if if if you find your

00:40:42

um sort of default setting is um like a

00:40:44

like a a negative in a voice or you know

00:40:46

inner voice that's not as kind to you as

00:40:47

what it should be how do you programming

00:40:49

all right so you recognize it so you got

00:40:52

a a voice saying look I can't

00:40:54

run uh ultramarathons

00:40:57

right uh so what I would do is right we

00:41:00

get a vision right and Associate to that

00:41:03

so when you think of that moment where

00:41:06

you've overcome that what what what do

00:41:08

you feel what do you see get sensory

00:41:09

specific with that Vision right now

00:41:12

ideally I want you to put that on a

00:41:13

board to remind you every day of what

00:41:16

your purpose is now let's start

00:41:18

acknowledging what is some of the self

00:41:19

talk uh I don't have the uh experience I

00:41:24

don't have the all the [ __ ] excuses

00:41:26

right and then from then I counter it

00:41:28

with okay so you got a negative thought

00:41:31

uh around um I haven't got physically

00:41:34

what it is required to do this so I'd C

00:41:38

it with three affirmations and so I get

00:41:40

these affirmations now here's a prime

00:41:42

example um from Michael Hendry took the

00:41:46

affirmations and the vision board to the

00:41:47

nth degree he laminated the damn things

00:41:51

and had them in the shower so when you

00:41:53

have a shower by yourself and you're

00:41:54

washing your hair well I don't obviously

00:41:57

uh but you're washing your hair and

00:41:58

you're thinking about

00:42:00

things he had these affirmations he's

00:42:03

constantly programming to himself those

00:42:05

a what did Israel constitute at the end

00:42:07

of his bed I'm the middleweight champion

00:42:09

of the world he didn't even have a

00:42:11

[ __ ] contract in 2016 for the

00:42:15

UFC and what it does is that these

00:42:19

things compound and then in the moment

00:42:22

where you have to start that

00:42:25

race oh the fighting light response goes

00:42:28

and that's again you have your

00:42:30

affirmations you do uh simple breathing

00:42:33

exercise you calm down the you know the

00:42:36

the nervous system uh you then deploy

00:42:40

strategies to help support now sometimes

00:42:43

it's about divide and conquer with the

00:42:45

goals you're never just going to jump in

00:42:47

and go I'm going to do an ultramarathon

00:42:49

you broke it down don't you I'm going to

00:42:51

do a 2K walk and then a 5K walk and then

00:42:55

a [ __ ] 1K run

00:42:57

and then a 10k run then you know you

00:42:59

build it up I mean you be sensible with

00:43:01

it too so what do you have affirmations

00:43:04

at the moment like did you do you do any

00:43:06

in the car on the way here or no because

00:43:08

I'm well here's the thing one of my

00:43:12

affirmations which is I don't have to

00:43:14

have it written down because it's

00:43:15

programmed is everyone loves what I have

00:43:18

to

00:43:19

say the second one is when my mouth is

00:43:21

open I'm open for business I love

00:43:23

talking there do you know what I mean

00:43:26

this isn't hard

00:43:28

I mean and that's it that that's when

00:43:31

you get out of your own way there's no

00:43:33

fear now you go back to that 15-year-old

00:43:36

kid at Wesley

00:43:39

College [ __ ] that no way did I want to

00:43:42

go on there yeah actually no way this is

00:43:45

probably a good chance to Pivot into

00:43:46

into more of the um David NE story uh so

00:43:50

far it's been bloody great but it's it's

00:43:51

like tips and tools that can help

00:43:53

everyone else so um yeah I've got a

00:43:55

quote from you I wanted to be Fearless I

00:43:57

was sick and tired of being scared um so

00:43:59

take us back there

00:44:01

uh what's it Wellsley wisley wisley

00:44:05

whesley boarding school John

00:44:07

wisley so you were a border and I

00:44:09

believe it was quite an unpleasant time

00:44:11

it was challenging mate the 1980s yeah

00:44:14

mate so the

00:44:15

bullying we we we're in an era where uh

00:44:20

Wesley College uh St Stevens you know

00:44:24

they were tough tough

00:44:25

schools uh here I was you know skinny

00:44:29

little

00:44:29

pangy and you know some of these uh

00:44:33

marry boys and orlander boys you know at

00:44:35

15 they got beds you know they're

00:44:38

physical men they're [ __ ] I reckon I

00:44:41

think it was our my dorm

00:44:45

prefect at uh at Junior dorm was a guy

00:44:49

called Steve Tang of who was 6'5 and 130

00:44:55

kgs Jesus that's terrifying bu you grown

00:44:59

ass man and and I will say to Steve he's

00:45:01

a bloody good bloke he was really good

00:45:04

to me in

00:45:05

fact I I actually can tell you a story

00:45:08

about Steve Tang of and I hope he's

00:45:11

listening so they used to have senior

00:45:13

film club right and I really wanted to

00:45:17

go to the senior film club but hey it's

00:45:19

only for 18 plus right so Steve said hey

00:45:22

look M I'll get you in I went why the

00:45:26

teacher there man you in deep [ __ ] he

00:45:28

goes no no it's all good so he grabs

00:45:30

this blanket and he says stand on my

00:45:32

feet and he puts the blanket around and

00:45:34

just walks in so here I am

00:45:38

13 big Steve's taken me into a senior

00:45:41

film

00:45:42

club and I watched The

00:45:46

Exorcist talk about fear so I had to go

00:45:49

back to the dorm by myself right you can

00:45:51

imagine the old dorms the the scene you

00:45:55

know fck I sh man I I've never sprinted

00:45:58

so hard to get to my bunk um but you

00:46:02

know for me there there was a lot of

00:46:04

bullying and there was a lot of

00:46:07

occasions

00:46:10

where I hated the fact that I was

00:46:15

fearful you know it it was kind of weird

00:46:17

man like I could handle the The Hiding

00:46:21

but what upset me was the fact that I

00:46:22

gave my power away I never wanted to

00:46:26

give my power away what do you mean you

00:46:28

gave it away it was kind of taken away

00:46:29

wasn't it well and again here's the

00:46:34

thing for me it's sort of like that was

00:46:36

my choice I chose to be

00:46:39

fearful I I surrendered to the

00:46:43

state and I think most of us would you

00:46:46

use that narrative and go well you know

00:46:47

it's it's taken off yeah like when you

00:46:50

think about it it's taken off you it

00:46:51

presupposes that you had no [ __ ]

00:46:54

choice or chance well I did have a

00:46:57

[ __ ] choice and that's when I chose

00:46:59

in that moment there was a moment when

00:47:01

I'd had enough and I knew I had to take

00:47:04

action now the action I took is not

00:47:07

appropriate I I hit the guy squaring the

00:47:09

freaking jaw with everything I

00:47:11

had but he's 115 kg first I mean it was

00:47:15

like it was like did you just slap

00:47:18

me you know what I mean but but in that

00:47:22

moment uh I I took I took something back

00:47:26

i i i overcome something and and and

00:47:30

that that was so significant for me I

00:47:33

thought hang on it sparked something

00:47:36

like where else can I start applying

00:47:38

this and that put me on a path so you

00:47:42

know I started it's interesting here I

00:47:44

am doing what I'm doing

00:47:46

today and I'm pretty confident even

00:47:51

though I had a few challenging teenage

00:47:54

years it started for me when I wrote I

00:47:58

read the book Jonathan livon seag yeah

00:48:00

it was given to you by a priest right y

00:48:02

Graham kanaine who unfortunately is

00:48:04

passed away now that man uh far out he

00:48:09

gave me that book and

00:48:11

immediately I could identify as Jonathan

00:48:14

now I'm not a a particularly spiritual

00:48:16

person so you know the the spiritual

00:48:19

side it was more about I could relate

00:48:22

with Jonathan wanting to be the fastest

00:48:25

seagull ever yeah he by the way I I

00:48:28

hadn't heard of this book until I

00:48:29

started reading yours and then I went

00:48:31

into a a bit of a deep dive on it so

00:48:34

it's basically about a seagull all the

00:48:36

seagulls just want to scavenge just want

00:48:38

to be do the minimum and survive be part

00:48:40

of the flock and survive and Jonathan

00:48:43

Jonathan living wanted to be different

00:48:44

he wanted to fly further distances and

00:48:46

do more Absolut he wanted more out of

00:48:48

life it's a I think it's a lot of that

00:48:50

sort of existentialist sort of theory

00:48:53

under underline it which I I absolutely

00:48:56

love yeah

00:48:57

and that's what I could relate to and

00:48:59

and again this is where you sort of

00:49:01

understand you know the most important

00:49:03

project you'll ever work on is

00:49:05

you and that I mean what a wonderful way

00:49:09

to to live

00:49:11

life cuz most people you know they'll

00:49:13

just be part of the flock and then

00:49:16

they're

00:49:17

dead what's the [ __ ] point of life

00:49:20

yeah yeah you only get one shot in a day

00:49:22

it's not a dress rehearsal [ __ ] there no

00:49:24

dress rehearsal here um okay so there's

00:49:27

the bullying at go then you you you hit

00:49:29

the hit the bully back which is what

00:49:31

it's what everyone says to do but then

00:49:33

what happens does he give you even more

00:49:34

of a gave me a [ __ ]

00:49:36

ID did he still stop after that or he

00:49:39

stopped after that and and and and and I

00:49:41

think it something changed within me uh

00:49:46

and I I'm very obsessive too so

00:49:49

obviously what is the solution well it's

00:49:52

pretty clear I'm going to be the biggest

00:49:55

strongest mother beep I can possibly be

00:49:58

why are you censoring now yeah I don't

00:49:59

know bit [ __ ] late is it uh we'll

00:50:03

beep that beep we'll beep the apology

00:50:05

out um but you know it's it's like I

00:50:11

became so the the three things that I

00:50:13

conquer that I'm really proud of number

00:50:15

one is is building my confidence um

00:50:18

through the bully the second is

00:50:21

overcoming public speaking and the third

00:50:23

is

00:50:25

Academia um and right like I said I'm

00:50:29

nailing A's in My Philosophy papers I am

00:50:32

so [ __ ] proud of myself but my my

00:50:35

wife would tell you you know I work my

00:50:38

ass off I I would say that you know I

00:50:42

have to do a lot more work being

00:50:45

dyslexic I I spend a lot of time in in

00:50:48

research I have to do a little bit more

00:50:50

than I envy some of these people that

00:50:52

can read a PDF and regurgitate

00:50:54

everything in it I need to read it 20

00:50:56

times s you know and take notes and all

00:50:58

sorts of things uh but there's no excuse

00:51:01

no excuse you know I I expect days it's

00:51:05

quite funny just before you a second ago

00:51:07

you said um I'm [ __ ] proud of myself

00:51:09

and um um and you looked me in the eye

00:51:11

when you said it I can tell you it it's

00:51:13

a it's a question that I um I ask a lot

00:51:15

of my like podcast guests towards the

00:51:17

end I say are you proud of yourself and

00:51:19

the reason I ask it is um just the it's

00:51:23

interesting to me how people answer and

00:51:25

also how awkward a lot of people

00:51:27

about being hit with that question is

00:51:29

that a kiwi thing or what yeah I think I

00:51:32

think it's a [ __ ] real issue because

00:51:33

here's what I believe uh I believe you

00:51:36

know to a certain point in our culture

00:51:39

uh our history uh our environment you

00:51:44

know we're told uh to be humble not

00:51:49

egotistical and uh we're told to be very

00:51:53

altruistic right uh I I believe in

00:51:57

selfishness I believe it's important to

00:51:59

put yourself first and give yourself

00:52:01

permission to put yourself

00:52:03

first um but you know we talk about the

00:52:07

the

00:52:08

virtues uh selfishness is a virtue you

00:52:11

got to give yourself permission to put

00:52:13

yourself first right uh the other thing

00:52:16

that we we were talking about was being

00:52:19

humble there is a time to be humble but

00:52:22

uh at the same time you got to give

00:52:24

yourself permission to have undoubtable

00:52:26

belief s and to be proud of yourself

00:52:29

there's nothing wrong with being proud

00:52:31

man you know I I [ __ ] get what I

00:52:33

deserve and I've work my butt off and

00:52:35

I'm proud of myself um because to be

00:52:40

otherwise to be humble all the time I

00:52:42

think that uh I I think that disempowers

00:52:47

people you know what I mean it's it's

00:52:49

okay to be proud you should be proud of

00:52:51

yourself and I think today you know

00:52:57

I I actually give my clients an the

00:52:59

affirmation which is I and then they

00:53:01

write the full name am undoubtedly proud

00:53:04

of

00:53:05

myself uh when you get to that point and

00:53:08

you are proud of yourself it has a

00:53:11

positive effect on people around you you

00:53:14

get to affect the world in a positive

00:53:17

way yeah a and it's contagious like you

00:53:20

want to be people like it man

00:53:23

[ __ ] so okay so um you have the incident

00:53:26

with the B school then you you get

00:53:28

introduced to the book to the book

00:53:29

Jonathan Livingston Seagull y then so

00:53:32

how then how do you end up in a in a

00:53:34

shitty like Dead End Printing job mate

00:53:36

because the motivation at that point was

00:53:38

just to get the hell out of school okay

00:53:41

so you know the old man pulled some

00:53:44

strings I mean in back in those days if

00:53:46

you were smart you went to University if

00:53:48

you didn't you got a trade so the old

00:53:51

man pulled some strings and I did a

00:53:53

trade dad was a printer I follow

00:53:56

followed him in a different type of

00:53:58

printing but yeah we're both printers

00:54:01

you were doing like women's day

00:54:02

magazines or women's weekly you I used

00:54:04

to I tell you what I used to do and I

00:54:05

was very good actually uh was women's

00:54:08

day

00:54:09

cover what mean you were good me and

00:54:13

I'll tell you how there was a guy called

00:54:15

Michael Turner who was uh the the

00:54:18

publisher who used to come into the P

00:54:21

press pass and he'd always ask me to do

00:54:25

it because I had a neck of I knew how he

00:54:28

wanted in particular skin tone on the

00:54:31

covers tips of the ink yeah [ __ ] man he

00:54:34

was he was particular and and so he

00:54:37

bloody should be too right cuz he was he

00:54:40

was he really cared about his product um

00:54:44

and so I would get it to a point where

00:54:46

when he came in for a press pass he

00:54:49

could take two or three copies and go

00:54:51

sign it off gone cuz the moment we they

00:54:54

sign off the cover you take your

00:54:56

specials that uh binded and sent to the

00:54:59

appropriate people so it looks pretty

00:55:01

and we can start speeding up the press

00:55:04

and get the job done you know um but uh

00:55:08

yeah I think he appreciated the fact

00:55:10

that he was in and out and I took real

00:55:13

Pride on the fact that he request me so

00:55:16

it be 2 o'clock in the morning is Dave's

00:55:18

doing the press pass okay good and then

00:55:20

I'd do the press pass for him yeah nice

00:55:23

guy so you've always had the sort of um

00:55:25

sense of pride in your work

00:55:27

well yeah I want to be the best at all I

00:55:29

can possibly do and I I mean there's a

00:55:31

certain competitiveness to that um but I

00:55:34

just think

00:55:36

surely to a certain point if if you look

00:55:39

at the the the foundational level and

00:55:43

you see yourself as the most magnificent

00:55:45

project you'll ever work on surely

00:55:48

seeking excellence in every part of the

00:55:50

things that you put your energy to isn't

00:55:52

that being

00:55:55

congruent yeah yeah the stuff you're

00:55:57

saying is really good but then

00:55:59

um I was going to say how how do you

00:56:01

avoid that thing where other people go

00:56:04

oh he thinks his [ __ ] don't stink well

00:56:06

here's people going to think that and

00:56:08

you have to override that for [ __ ]

00:56:10

sake Dom here's the thing I don't give a

00:56:13

[ __ ] what they

00:56:14

think you know I mean why should I

00:56:17

[ __ ] have someone dictate to me uh

00:56:21

what I should be [ __ ] feeling [ __ ]

00:56:23

that and [ __ ] you no I when if you think

00:56:27

about this I gave you the affirmation I

00:56:30

am undoubtably proud of myself right if

00:56:33

I'm undoubtably proud of myself you can

00:56:35

say whatever you [ __ ] want I don't

00:56:37

give a

00:56:38

[ __ ] here's the story

00:56:41

so

00:56:43

Buddha guy goes talks to Buddha and he

00:56:46

goes if if if someone wants to give you

00:56:49

a gift and you chose not to accept that

00:56:52

gift to whom then does the gift belong

00:56:56

and the guy said well to the person that

00:56:58

gave it originally he said correct and

00:57:00

does that not also apply to their

00:57:04

abuse that's good I suppose the same

00:57:06

sort of thing uh can or would apply to

00:57:09

online stuff as well which I know is a

00:57:10

massive problem people yeah um yeah

00:57:14

what's what's your take on that uh well

00:57:16

I mean you're um you're a special case

00:57:18

like you you've been doing this for 30

00:57:20

years um you have an ability that most

00:57:22

people don't have to block out the noise

00:57:25

yeah well I I think hey I'm still a

00:57:28

sensitive guy you know if you watch the

00:57:31

style Bender

00:57:32

movie is he even battles with it

00:57:34

absolutely still distract and again this

00:57:37

is where uh you know you you've got to

00:57:40

actually one of the most profound things

00:57:42

ever said comes from boxing believe it

00:57:44

or not and it's the last thing that the

00:57:47

the referee says to the two guys before

00:57:49

they come out banging and that is

00:57:51

protect yourself at all times now block

00:57:55

turn on off turn down turn

00:58:01

over you don't have to read that [ __ ] do

00:58:05

you know what I mean you know the

00:58:07

wonderful thing is we have agency we

00:58:10

have free

00:58:11

will use

00:58:14

it now the other key thing

00:58:18

is

00:58:20

uh those that we

00:58:23

fear in society or those that we are

00:58:27

intimidated by we like to attack now I'm

00:58:31

quite happy to be have a discussion and

00:58:34

to be Retreat uh what's the word uh

00:58:38

criticized Etc and I I I'll listen to

00:58:41

that but first and foremost the person

00:58:44

that's doing that has to have some level

00:58:46

of

00:58:48

credibility every man in his dog right

00:58:51

and we we we talk about this everyone's

00:58:54

a [ __ ] expert on online where do you

00:58:58

live have you had a face t- face

00:59:00

conversation with him so you know for me

00:59:03

it's just [ __ ] noise and I just turn

00:59:04

it off you know if if you're on the

00:59:06

radio and you're listen to some music

00:59:09

that you hate what do you endure it or

00:59:12

do you turn the channel you turn the

00:59:15

channel right yeah so you know for me um

00:59:18

I I but to be really Frank I'm at a

00:59:20

point I just really don't give a [ __ ]

00:59:22

what people think because I know when I

00:59:25

reflect on my

00:59:27

life I know that I have made a beautiful

00:59:31

positive effect in tens of thousands of

00:59:35

people and I'm proud of that and anyone

00:59:38

who thinks

00:59:40

otherwise that's their [ __ ] problem I

00:59:43

don't

00:59:44

care I love

00:59:46

that I love CU it is yeah it's noise

00:59:50

it's annoying it's a distraction it's

00:59:52

Anno annoying and you're only the people

00:59:56

are only criticizing people that are

00:59:57

doing better than them [ __ ] it is

01:00:01

jealous it is punching up I mean I just

01:00:03

simply go with a counter so you know

01:00:05

what have you done

01:00:07

yeah okay so um so you leave school

01:00:10

you're doing the printing thing is is

01:00:12

this when you start going to the gym is

01:00:13

this when you start strong man how how

01:00:16

do you fit it in the whole purpose of

01:00:18

work was to pay for my gym and my food

01:00:22

so I used to go to work and I had a

01:00:23

chili bin and it would be like

01:00:26

a chicken about 20 dozen eggs you know I

01:00:31

mean i' stink the [ __ ] place out

01:00:33

broccoli you know I'm I'm obsessed man

01:00:37

you know [ __ ] I ate like a [ __ ]

01:00:40

right so in fact I had scales at work

01:00:43

it's a shame that I I I would love to

01:00:45

have taken a photo because it's got the

01:00:47

year I think when I arrived there I was

01:00:49

about uh so I would have been 16 I think

01:00:53

I was about

01:00:56

80 kgs right and then over the years

01:00:59

before I left uh I think I I I was

01:01:03

tipping the scales about uh about 150

01:01:07

kgs wow yeah yeah wow he almost doubled

01:01:11

in size but all muscle though hell you

01:01:14

man I train like a [ __ ] and and

01:01:17

this is the beautiful thing um I became

01:01:20

obsessed I I I'm OB I'm like I said I'm

01:01:23

very focused I'm obsessive and tenacious

01:01:27

that's something else you got to develop

01:01:28

is a tenacious

01:01:30

resolve um and so I was disciplined and

01:01:33

I but I was the one of the things that I

01:01:37

think was uh the best thing for me was I

01:01:41

was intelligent enough to know that the

01:01:45

moment I was the strongest guy in the

01:01:47

gym that I had to

01:01:50

leave because the last thing I wanted if

01:01:52

I truly wanted to achieve I needed to be

01:01:56

exposed I needed to be challenged oh so

01:01:59

you didn't want to be like a a big fish

01:02:00

in a small I don't want to be the

01:02:02

biggest guy in the gym I So eventually

01:02:06

through through training in YMC at

01:02:09

pepakura where I first started through

01:02:11

to some of the gyms and papakura to

01:02:14

tanin to

01:02:15

manua uh right through to Simon street

01:02:18

where the [ __ ] freaks were um moment

01:02:22

that I got to a point that I was sort of

01:02:25

pushing everyone's going oh [ __ ] he's a

01:02:27

you know I got the hell out uh and I

01:02:30

think again that that's in of

01:02:34

itself really important factor because

01:02:38

we like to be

01:02:40

comfortable yeah it's the yeah it's sort

01:02:43

of like it's a something in our brain

01:02:45

wiring a well we have we have a an

01:02:48

innate part of us which is you know to

01:02:50

move away from Pain you know when we

01:02:52

talk about motivational filtering

01:02:54

systems right the most powerful is away

01:02:57

from right so people will do anything to

01:02:59

move away from pain right uh the next

01:03:03

then

01:03:04

is uh towards something now most of us

01:03:08

AR we're not we're not picking up our

01:03:11

family and escaping a war right uh for

01:03:16

us in this country we're fairly

01:03:19

comfortable we've got it pretty good

01:03:20

here I mean this is one of the greatest

01:03:22

countries in the world most of us are

01:03:24

moving towards something

01:03:27

well no I would say some of us are

01:03:30

moving towards something we set those

01:03:31

goals the vision we're most people set

01:03:34

is in the middle they're

01:03:37

comfortable like I

01:03:39

said you only got a certain amount of

01:03:42

time on this planet man [ __ ] investigate

01:03:45

where those fears are overcome them I'm

01:03:47

going to I'm going

01:03:48

to die a very satisfied fulfilled

01:03:54

man and and I don't fear

01:03:58

death de I want it to be you know

01:04:01

another another 50 odd years if you

01:04:03

wouldn't mind you know yeah yeah but you

01:04:06

know it's like I mean if I was to go to

01:04:10

today I can reflect on my life and go

01:04:13

you know what [ __ ] I overcome and I

01:04:15

achieve something that's a life lived

01:04:18

you know I you some of your viewers may

01:04:22

have uh read you know vict uh oh Victor

01:04:26

Franco me meing hell of a book man yeah

01:04:29

what a book hey and there's a there's a

01:04:32

part of these books out there to read

01:04:34

you know Jim ran talked about this he

01:04:36

said three steps to Greatness number one

01:04:38

set goals number two educate yourself

01:04:42

and three have a financial plan and you

01:04:45

know uh here I am now uh the first part

01:04:49

you know setting those goals and learn

01:04:51

and and achieving that uh educating

01:04:54

myself and that's pretty ambigous it

01:04:56

could be educating in something like uh

01:04:59

art or you know for you educating

01:05:02

yourself on how to get the most out of

01:05:04

your performance with your ultr running

01:05:06

Etc and then the last is having a

01:05:09

financial plan uh and even that is

01:05:13

interesting you know we have so much

01:05:14

debt today everyone's into credit you

01:05:19

know maybe we need to go back to some

01:05:20

oldfashioned values and and understand

01:05:23

the importance of living on less than

01:05:26

what you you're living living within

01:05:28

your means and I suppose one thing you

01:05:30

got from your lifting is um it's hard to

01:05:32

think of a a more AP example of delayed

01:05:36

gratification you got to work hard for a

01:05:38

long time yes it's the same thing with

01:05:40

um the financial thing as well like

01:05:41

delayed gratification instead of like

01:05:43

getting your phone today on

01:05:45

afterpay wait six months Jo I'll tell

01:05:47

you something um you know one of the

01:05:50

things that Joe and I my wife we we've

01:05:54

kept it quite uh interesting I'm going

01:05:57

to use the word humble you know we

01:05:59

didn't go out and party up and whatnot

01:06:02

but here we are now where uh we are in a

01:06:05

very good financial situation and I like

01:06:09

I don't have to work

01:06:11

hard but we were you know it's see old

01:06:15

what would you rather have a million

01:06:16

dollars in cash or a dollar that doubles

01:06:18

every day for 30 days well if I if I if

01:06:21

I wasn't familiar with this riddle I'd

01:06:23

go for the million dollars yeah yeah

01:06:24

most people do give me the cash B I

01:06:27

don't even care what the outcome is I'm

01:06:29

gone you know yeah but you know when you

01:06:31

think about save the $5 million man and

01:06:36

I think that's it I think part of

01:06:38

today's society is we want it all now

01:06:42

and we want to keep up with the [ __ ] the

01:06:44

Joneses your journey is your journey you

01:06:47

know and you've when you have a lot of

01:06:49

your own goals and and a confidence

01:06:51

within yourself then you know you're not

01:06:53

going to start comparing yourself to

01:06:56

others when you don't have to do that

01:06:58

that's [ __ ] Freedom man you know you

01:07:01

stay on your own path it's [ __ ] nice

01:07:04

Fu there's so many good takeaways in

01:07:06

this so so um so we got

01:07:08

takeaway yeah are you are you yeah what

01:07:11

what are your flaws or bad habits or

01:07:13

work on are you are you a takeway guy

01:07:15

like oh come on man I I do like a nice

01:07:19

indian uh actually and a burger and and

01:07:23

I look uh I love food I yeah I I love

01:07:27

eating and and currently right now I've

01:07:30

got a I'm proud to say DM I've lost nine

01:07:33

kgs um I'm I'm doing a a keto thing at

01:07:37

the moment which is I'm quite quite

01:07:39

impressed with it's working really well

01:07:44

um I don't have any really things that I

01:07:48

I have a lot of that I'm looking forward

01:07:50

to I'm looking forward to finishing my

01:07:53

degrees uh I am certainly looking

01:07:55

forward to uh I'm going to be taking

01:07:58

three or four months off to go and

01:08:00

travel in Europe with my wife

01:08:04

um and I think uh that's something I'm

01:08:09

really looking forward because I've

01:08:11

learned so much through the philosophy

01:08:12

so I want to go to Greece I want to go

01:08:14

to Germany I want to go to Europe and

01:08:17

really understand and experience it um I

01:08:21

haven't done a lot of travel you know

01:08:22

I've been in America I've been around

01:08:24

the Pacific and Australia but you know

01:08:26

so that's something I'm really looking

01:08:28

forward to

01:08:29

yeah and um I see you you sort of fell

01:08:33

into this career right so you so you're

01:08:34

doing the printing and then um and

01:08:36

that's when this that sort of overlaps

01:08:38

with the strongman stuff yeah and then

01:08:40

it was the strong man that got me into

01:08:41

this yes so how because you've been

01:08:43

doing it 30 years now and it's um well

01:08:45

what it was is that it came to a point

01:08:47

where I had to make I had to make some

01:08:50

decisions right so obviously with the

01:08:53

STW man you know a lot of the guys are

01:08:55

juicing it up and it just didn't sit

01:08:58

right with me so I went and investigated

01:09:02

uh you know the strongest you know the

01:09:04

bulgarians the Russians what were they

01:09:06

doing and one of the things that I sort

01:09:09

of realized is they were doing a lot of

01:09:11

work on

01:09:14

hypnosis and so I thought well that's

01:09:16

interesting so I I went and worked and

01:09:19

studied hypnosis and then from there

01:09:22

backed into

01:09:24

neurolinguistics and and at that and in

01:09:27

NLP you got to appreciate in in in the

01:09:30

sort of late 80s and '90s was still very

01:09:34

new as a

01:09:36

technology um so I I kind of I was one

01:09:39

of the first to be certified in this

01:09:41

country um and it it expanded from there

01:09:46

and ironically we got more and more uh

01:09:51

courses and information on mental

01:09:53

performance etc etc so mate books you

01:09:58

name it I I just again I became

01:10:01

obsessed I I can I can I've said to when

01:10:05

I was printing I managed to get a

01:10:08

job uh off the press because I'm

01:10:11

starting to build my business now and so

01:10:14

I got a job in the day selling print

01:10:17

right at at uh a assist a company to

01:10:21

comprint where I

01:10:23

was and

01:10:25

I remember one of the the things was

01:10:28

that I had to get a certain budget

01:10:30

now three months in I've come from still

01:10:33

kep boots and overalls having an

01:10:35

interview with the with a boss saying I

01:10:38

want a job as a sales rep and he's like

01:10:40

I kind of know you're doing this mental

01:10:42

stuff so I'll give you a chance I've got

01:10:44

no sales training and it's in sheet

01:10:47

which is not my thing for printing right

01:10:49

so 3 months in I'm miserable I'm I'm

01:10:52

selling like $500 worth of business

01:10:55

business cards but [ __ ] miles short of

01:10:56

the mark uh and the boss gets me and he

01:10:59

goes Hey listen mate you better sort

01:11:01

your [ __ ] out or mate you're out of a

01:11:03

job and I'm like I I still I'm I'm doing

01:11:06

a little bit of coaching at night and on

01:11:08

the weekends not enough to sustain a

01:11:10

bloody mortgage and a family you know

01:11:12

and and so I thought okay I've got to

01:11:14

ask myself a better

01:11:16

question well I my budget was $700,000

01:11:21

worth of sales by June I had hit 1.2

01:11:25

Mill

01:11:26

million wow yeah double the budget now

01:11:29

here's the beautiful thing

01:11:32

so right I double my budget number one

01:11:35

sales rep number one right and this guy

01:11:38

is just there's people that have been

01:11:39

there for 15 [ __ ] years right so I'm

01:11:42

number one and no one said a [ __ ]

01:11:45

thing and I remember the boss there at

01:11:47

the time walking up the corridor now I'm

01:11:49

doing I'm [ __ ] pissed off right and

01:11:51

I'm angry and I said hey any chance

01:11:53

going to have a chat and he go goes yeah

01:11:55

yeah yeah whatever very dismissive and

01:11:57

he said and I said to him hey you know

01:12:00

his name was Graham and I said look it's

01:12:02

been three months and I've doubled my

01:12:05

budget and I haven't had a word from

01:12:08

management going hey congratulations hey

01:12:11

look here's a couple of hundred bucks

01:12:13

take your wife out for din on us

01:12:16

congratulations and he he sat in his

01:12:19

chair in the office with a cigarette in

01:12:20

his [ __ ] mouth leaned back and he

01:12:23

said Dave just be glad you got your

01:12:25

[ __ ] job now in that moment mate I

01:12:28

slammed the door so [ __ ] hard it came

01:12:31

off its

01:12:32

Ines I from thereafter every day I go to

01:12:36

work I put my cursor into out all day I

01:12:39

would go to Mount Wellington Library I

01:12:43

would go into the psychology selfhelp I

01:12:46

grab a pile of books I go up to the top

01:12:48

of Mount Wellington with all my [ __ ]

01:12:50

food my chicken my eggs my broccoli and

01:12:53

[ __ ] readed

01:12:56

and I for six months that's all I

01:12:57

[ __ ] did I I done my budget and I

01:13:00

double it [ __ ] him [ __ ] him [ __ ] you've

01:13:04

always had this sort of drive out yeah

01:13:06

yeah what would you um if you could go

01:13:08

back and and talk to yourself you know

01:13:11

as that scared little 30-y old boy at

01:13:13

whizley what would you what would you

01:13:15

say to him I wouldn't change a [ __ ]

01:13:17

thing yeah because it's molded me into

01:13:19

the man I am today and I'm I'm [ __ ]

01:13:22

proud of that so me I could have easily

01:13:26

have let that episode of bullying defy

01:13:29

me into being uh you know that that

01:13:32

wimpy kid who was [ __ ] a

01:13:35

victim who had had a limited model of

01:13:38

the world there's a lot there's a lot of

01:13:40

power for a lot of people in that victim

01:13:41

mentality

01:13:43

eh 95% of the population [ __ ] I feel

01:13:47

like a lot of people get almost like um

01:13:48

like a like an adrenal kick out of you

01:13:51

know what you know what you're you're

01:13:52

right and I'll tell you what I've always

01:13:54

said

01:13:55

and this is the sad thing people put

01:13:58

more time and effort into creating their

01:14:01

victim story than they do about getting

01:14:03

off their ass and creating a better life

01:14:05

because there's power there's power in

01:14:07

there's a a certain amount of power in

01:14:09

being a victim and on online today I'll

01:14:12

Trump your [ __ ] victim story with

01:14:15

mine [ __ ] it's just it it's it it's a

01:14:19

it's a false economy man yeah it's

01:14:22

[ __ ]

01:14:23

[ __ ] yeah and you do there is that

01:14:26

sort of gratification you get of people

01:14:28

saying oh poor you but you're not

01:14:30

advancing yourself are you by being in

01:14:32

that victim zone no you define yourself

01:14:35

in the victim Zone you're now obliged to

01:14:38

stay and you'll never really truly

01:14:42

realize the best version of yourself and

01:14:45

that should be everyone's project

01:14:48

yeah yeah I I yeah I've been asking

01:14:51

myself this a lot in the past week

01:14:53

knowing that this um podcast was coming

01:14:54

up and

01:14:55

to read your book The Winning mindset um

01:14:58

the winning mindset the winning mindset

01:14:59

it's a great say that again it's a

01:15:01

bloody it's a great book I'm sort of

01:15:03

book it's I'll tell you what that's a

01:15:05

fine looking cover though isn't it well

01:15:07

you see the cover and it's like I've

01:15:09

never met you before and I haden't seen

01:15:11

a photo of you and um I was like oh this

01:15:13

guy's a strong man then I looked up

01:15:14

photos of you yeah I imagine that to be

01:15:16

a thin dude yeah like a lean dude that

01:15:19

that guy there was lean at that point of

01:15:22

the photo being done oh no what I was

01:15:26

saying the book's got me thinking and

01:15:27

it's like you know how people say um I I

01:15:29

tried my hardest or I gave it 100% I

01:15:32

reckon I'm probably like giving life 60

01:15:34

or 70% at least yeah like reality [ __ ]

01:15:38

I'm not proud of saying that I'm just

01:15:40

not well I I think it's sort of like

01:15:43

hang

01:15:45

on you've you've you You' got to get to

01:15:48

a certain level of

01:15:50

actualization you know what I'm going to

01:15:52

do after this I'm going to go home home

01:15:55

I'm going to have a cppa and I'm going

01:15:58

to sit on my lazy boy and I'm going to

01:16:01

have a

01:16:03

snooze and I'm quite happy with doing

01:16:05

that I like a little afternoon

01:16:08

snooze um could I be studying could I be

01:16:12

going to the

01:16:14

yes but there's got to be balance man

01:16:16

yeah yeah as long as you've got the

01:16:18

balance right do you know what I mean

01:16:20

yeah yeah yeah it's okay yeah okay so

01:16:23

you have to give yourself a little bit

01:16:24

of a a pass sometimes well you

01:16:27

can't uh unless you're a you know a

01:16:31

freaking

01:16:32

Immortal yeah we're humans right we got

01:16:35

to be humanistic there are times when

01:16:37

the best thing to do is to do nothing at

01:16:40

all but it's knowing that that is

01:16:43

Justified and legit in the sense that

01:16:46

making that decision I've done it guilt

01:16:48

free and so I can completely rest in

01:16:52

peace oh I love that you do look like an

01:16:55

I can imagine you oh I love it

01:16:58

yeah snoring as well you SN oh M you

01:17:02

know the

01:17:04

dribble hey um I I said on Instagram you

01:17:07

were coming over I've got a bunch of

01:17:08

questions here you want yeah let's go

01:17:10

for it okay how how do you keep clients

01:17:12

from becoming overconfident or is that

01:17:14

even a bad is that a bad thing what the

01:17:17

[ __ ] what what

01:17:20

what how does one Define over I mean one

01:17:24

of the most ridic what does that mean

01:17:28

I'm sorry your son's gone a little too

01:17:30

far with me uh he's overconfident so

01:17:33

we're going to have to beat him up take

01:17:35

him back a couple of notches so here

01:17:38

that's just I would say that's from

01:17:40

someone who really struggles to

01:17:43

understand what it is to be undoubtedly

01:17:45

[ __ ] proud of yourself what

01:17:50

overconfident it's a it's a [ __ ]

01:17:52

oxymoron isn't it

01:17:56

how do you measure progress in mental

01:17:58

performance Are there specific metrics

01:18:00

or indicators you use yeah there certain

01:18:03

kpis for instance is Dependable on on on

01:18:06

the requirement of the of of the the

01:18:08

sport right so for a swimmer here's a

01:18:11

here's an example I have a young man

01:18:13

that I work with uh and the measurables

01:18:17

for us was time time's probably the most

01:18:21

most used metric in sport uh and

01:18:25

and so I started his name is James

01:18:28

slesser he won't mind me saying that

01:18:30

he's at youthtown University in America

01:18:33

and James when I first started working

01:18:35

with him he was this this [ __ ] cute

01:18:39

little [ __ ] kid who loved and wanted

01:18:42

to be a really good swimmer right and I

01:18:44

remember working with him uh and here's

01:18:48

the thing that really gives me a buzz

01:18:50

right because it's not just about being

01:18:51

getting gold medals and World Champs

01:18:53

right so he's in I think it was napia

01:18:56

this is going back probably six years

01:18:59

national champs and his mom and dad are

01:19:01

in the car driving him home and Dad

01:19:04

phones me and Dave I just want to let

01:19:05

you know uh James had a 3 second PB

01:19:09

today in the pool which is significant

01:19:11

unreal unreal now here's the thing that

01:19:13

wasn't his preferred event in his

01:19:16

preferred event and Dad's going heang

01:19:19

I'm going to let James I'm going to let

01:19:21

James tell you he had a 13 second

01:19:26

PB 13

01:19:29

seconds what the and for

01:19:33

him he was constantly intimidated by

01:19:36

others he put them on a pedestal we

01:19:39

talked about when you put people on a

01:19:41

pedestal you give your power away we

01:19:44

started working on changing that 13

01:19:48

seconds what do you think it did for

01:19:50

that young man's belief right now he's

01:19:53

committed to the world Champs and he

01:19:56

this is a guy I think the the goal now

01:19:58

is to crack the the one minute uh uh to

01:20:03

hit 59 seconds uh for the 100 meter

01:20:06

backstroke I think you know he's still

01:20:08

still coming up through the ranks I

01:20:11

think the the best best time is 57 or

01:20:13

something right so so to shave say 13

01:20:16

seconds off off your PB how much of that

01:20:18

is um physical and how much of that is

01:20:20

um mental that was purely mental in that

01:20:23

contents because you know what you got

01:20:25

to appreciate is uh the 303 seconds so

01:20:30

that is a PB based on uh a time that was

01:20:35

done uh approximately a month three

01:20:39

months before that so I had about two or

01:20:41

three sessions with them so it was over

01:20:44

a you know 90 90day period so we had a

01:20:48

frame of reference so you know we had an

01:20:51

action reflection process with the

01:20:53

coaching but when you reflect back over

01:20:56

that 3 months it's 13 seconds is

01:20:58

significant oh it's insane it it really

01:21:00

is it really is um how can I stay

01:21:03

motivated especially when results aren't

01:21:08

immediate

01:21:10

tenacious

01:21:12

resolve you go until you achieve because

01:21:15

here's the thing think of what you're

01:21:18

predispose presupposition under under

01:21:22

that is that it's hard for me to to stay

01:21:25

motivated well then how [ __ ] clear

01:21:27

are you on the vision how [ __ ] bad do

01:21:29

you want it I mean seriously you know

01:21:31

this is the [ __ ] that I call people out

01:21:33

on that's a cop out it's hard to stay

01:21:37

motivated it's because you haven't got a

01:21:40

clear enough [ __ ] Vision yeah it's

01:21:42

not [ __ ] exciting enough well you

01:21:44

don't want it bad enough and it's not

01:21:45

[ __ ] vivid

01:21:47

enough you've got to work with the end

01:21:50

and

01:21:51

mind um now there's some things that we

01:21:54

can certainly do to help uh minimize

01:21:57

that but you know again it's it's you're

01:22:01

you're saying that it's a task to be

01:22:02

motivated I I would say to you here's

01:22:05

something that I think you want to

01:22:06

create when we talk about a vision okay

01:22:08

now I would suggest to you that as a

01:22:13

kid most of the mornings when you had to

01:22:15

get up for school mom was going for

01:22:17

[ __ ] sake Dom hurry up you've got

01:22:20

school right now now hurry up right yeah

01:22:25

yeah yeah what were you like Christmas

01:22:27

[ __ ] morning bouncing around the

01:22:30

[ __ ] mom and dad's bed at 5:30 in the

01:22:32

morning go [ __ ] Santa's

01:22:34

here every day Santa comes when you got

01:22:37

a Clear Vision you create that

01:22:41

energy [ __ ] it's so sad when people that

01:22:45

[ __ ] your soft you know what I mean you

01:22:47

you get what you [ __ ] deserve if

01:22:49

that's the question you're going to

01:22:51

[ __ ] ask you [ __ ] get what you

01:22:53

deserve

01:22:55

it's [ __ ] you have have you

01:22:58

um I was going to ask have you but I'm

01:23:00

sure this would have happened I suppose

01:23:02

the question is how often there must

01:23:04

have been clients that you've either um

01:23:06

s fired or vice versa theyve ran off

01:23:09

crying oh absolutely they and like I

01:23:12

said when a client comes to me there's a

01:23:14

couple of key things number one I will

01:23:16

ask do you give me permission to be

01:23:19

blunt and honest now in that point if

01:23:21

they say no fine there's the door I wish

01:23:25

you all the best if they say yes I'm not

01:23:29

saying that I'm going to jump on you

01:23:31

[ __ ] but you don't know it could be

01:23:33

three sessions in that you say something

01:23:35

and I'll call you out on it yeah because

01:23:39

my job is not to be your best friend my

01:23:42

job is to help you with

01:23:46

performance are there any good examples

01:23:49

of uh I I yes but I think sometime

01:23:53

sometimes just not I I I actually shared

01:23:55

one I had an individual I'm going to

01:23:58

make this really clear it was an

01:23:59

individual who came to see me who is

01:24:01

associated with high

01:24:03

performance uh and the they were going

01:24:06

into a camp for a international

01:24:09

competition right now you got to

01:24:14

appreciate we our taxpayer money goes

01:24:17

into high performance to hire and put

01:24:20

those facilities there with good coaches

01:24:23

well I think we've got really good

01:24:24

coaches in this country okay that person

01:24:28

had one requirement and that is to come

01:24:32

into the camp at the appropriate weight

01:24:35

to start the periodization program to

01:24:37

Peak for the

01:24:38

competition that was it the individual

01:24:41

showed up 3 and a half kgs

01:24:45

overweight okay that may not be much for

01:24:49

a lot of average listeners out there but

01:24:51

when you're in high performance that's

01:24:53

that's half a Stone that's significant

01:24:56

it's over half a stone

01:24:58

so this person's telling me the

01:25:02

story and the person said then my

01:25:06

coaches fat shamed me right now [ __ ]

01:25:12

man again we go back to the victim [ __ ]

01:25:16

right now I said to I'm going to stop

01:25:18

you right there we went through what we

01:25:20

discussed and I said did you have an

01:25:22

obligation and why do you think they

01:25:26

asked you to stay at that to be on

01:25:28

weight well because of the periodization

01:25:31

program yes and what was the purpose of

01:25:33

the periodization program is to Peak for

01:25:35

that competition all those [ __ ]

01:25:38

people that work their butt off had

01:25:40

adhered to what they were required to do

01:25:43

you had one job now here's what I'm

01:25:45

going to tell you to do right now you

01:25:47

either get on the phone right now whilst

01:25:49

we're in the session and you're going to

01:25:52

apologize to your coach and if you don't

01:25:55

you can leave because I got no respect

01:25:58

for you she got on they got on the

01:26:02

phone and apologized to the

01:26:05

coach and I said I'm going to tell you

01:26:07

now you ever do that again you're

01:26:11

fired uh

01:26:13

again we get on the victim's

01:26:16

triangle

01:26:18

where we play the victim and we feel

01:26:21

that we've been persecuted and all we

01:26:24

want want us to be rescued we've got to

01:26:26

get off that [ __ ] she wanted to be

01:26:28

rescued by me in that

01:26:30

session the loving option is to be blunt

01:26:34

and

01:26:35

honest you you have to be independent

01:26:38

and um in private because you're um you

01:26:41

this is not the time for a man like you

01:26:44

in terms of like being employed by let's

01:26:46

say high perform sport New Zealand or

01:26:48

like a governing party like you just be

01:26:51

no man unpopular opinions M I am not

01:26:55

everyone's cup of tea I'll tell you that

01:26:57

now but you know here's the bottom line

01:27:00

and I'll tell you something that I'm

01:27:01

really proud of I I refuse to work for

01:27:05

anyone I will work with you but never

01:27:07

for you and and and I've had some

01:27:10

challenges with high performance I can

01:27:11

tell you that now um but here's the

01:27:15

thing you know here I am operating from

01:27:19

an office which was a garage in a little

01:27:21

place in Waterview

01:27:24

out of that garage I have

01:27:27

produced two halberg Award winners I

01:27:31

have produced some of the greatest

01:27:33

athletes ever come out of this country

01:27:36

and

01:27:37

internationally I've got winners in from

01:27:40

Belgium to London to America to Sri

01:27:45

Lanka that's pretty impressive mate no

01:27:48

it is you know yeah

01:27:51

uh I'm I would like to say that I'm

01:27:54

probably the most successful performance

01:27:56

coach one of the most successful

01:27:58

performance coaches in the world that

01:28:01

you've never heard of and that's exactly

01:28:03

how it should be because it's not about

01:28:05

me it's about my clients I take pride in

01:28:08

winning you know what I mean and winning

01:28:10

by definition isn't necessar about being

01:28:13

first winning sometimes for a lot of my

01:28:16

clients is overcoming something that was

01:28:19

sabotaging their

01:28:21

potential so you know I feel like I feel

01:28:25

like that interview with Arnold you

01:28:27

remember them pumping on oh pumping on I

01:28:29

love that movies so much coming day and

01:28:31

night you know I love this [ __ ] man how

01:28:35

good is that movie oh brilliant are you

01:28:37

serious like I was brought up with that

01:28:39

yeah it was incredible um do you feel

01:28:41

like the pendulin sort of swinging in in

01:28:43

this this whole you know we want to

01:28:45

create a safe

01:28:46

environment wokeness or whatever you

01:28:48

want well I said to you I don't want to

01:28:50

go there because I am a [ __ ]

01:28:52

anti-woke [ __ ] right and and there's

01:28:55

so many areas I I think you know this

01:28:59

the scary thing is the ability for

01:29:01

people to critically think is [ __ ]

01:29:06

alarming there is and the other thing is

01:29:11

the one of the things I love about

01:29:15

philosophy is the art of

01:29:20

discourse we can have an argument

01:29:25

and still part respecting each other

01:29:28

today it's a screaming match it's who's

01:29:32

the

01:29:33

loudest uh or if someone says one thing

01:29:36

that they just if you say one thing I

01:29:38

disagree with I'm like well I have to

01:29:40

dispose of everything you've ever said

01:29:42

absolutely yeah I'll give you a prime

01:29:45

example as I said I'm an existentialist

01:29:48

I'm not a religious person at all right

01:29:50

but I have enough integrity and respect

01:29:54

to be able to work with clients now

01:29:56

here's a prime

01:29:57

example uh I I work with a lovely lady

01:30:01

Maria

01:30:02

tutar who Maria fell yeah correct very

01:30:07

religious and when we started working

01:30:10

together we had an open conversation and

01:30:13

I said look you know moving forward I

01:30:16

want to respect your faith and I need

01:30:19

you to respect my but we had the most

01:30:23

incred rible

01:30:25

conversations such a lovely lady you

01:30:28

know what I mean um so we can agree to

01:30:31

disagree but still respect each other

01:30:33

and I think that's what's needed in this

01:30:35

world you know we got to learn to

01:30:38

listen uh to respect uh and in some

01:30:41

cases ideally

01:30:44

to respect the fact that we won't ever

01:30:47

agree but we can still agree to be

01:30:51

respectful of each other you know yeah

01:30:54

yeah I agree with that 100% um last

01:30:59

one's this the best one right there

01:31:01

there's so many of these um but yeah

01:31:03

we'll be here all day and you need to

01:31:04

have your

01:31:05

nap yeah uh which plays more of a

01:31:08

crucial role in achieving success

01:31:10

motivation or discipline uh obviously

01:31:13

it's discipline you know motivation is

01:31:16

important because what it can do is it

01:31:18

can start the Catalyst to then

01:31:20

eventually become disciplined um bottom

01:31:23

line is is that we behave our way to

01:31:25

success so the habit that has continued

01:31:30

over a long period of time the uh that's

01:31:34

what gets you there yeah but sometimes

01:31:37

you need a little bit of motivation just

01:31:38

to get the momentum going yeah you know

01:31:41

like I said I'm I've got that on my my

01:31:44

my Range

01:31:46

Rover motivator plate you know I love it

01:31:49

you know uh I'm the motivator but the

01:31:53

whole purpose of motivation is to start

01:31:55

building the momentum that eventually

01:31:58

becomes habitual Big Dave this has been

01:32:02

fun yeah I've enjoyed it man thanks I

01:32:04

love your War oh thank you it's uh fake

01:32:06

work it's not real freaking cool fake it

01:32:08

till you make it you've got it mate um

01:32:11

the winning mindset hell of a book who

01:32:14

would have thought eh who would have

01:32:15

thought kid from school yep yep and it

01:32:19

it just goes to show if if I can do it

01:32:22

you know people say to me to be a

01:32:24

success what do you need you know what

01:32:25

you need 100 trillion sales what are we

01:32:29

all made up of we've all we' same every

01:32:32

single person has got exactly what they

01:32:34

need right now to become whatever they

01:32:37

want oh you're awesome you're very

01:32:39

inspiring thank you and um yeah good

01:32:41

luck for the future well have you back

01:32:43

yeah i' I'd love to be back mate okay

01:32:45

yeah let's get some of those questions

01:32:47

answered let's go oh mate there's an

01:32:49

unlimited supply of them there's so many

01:32:51

questions just as long as they're not

01:32:52

Dum ones

01:32:54

what was we need to V some who who was

01:32:56

the person you shot down what was that

01:32:58

anyway I don't know I'm going to find

01:32:59

out who they are brilliant love it mate

01:33:02

all right thanks for having me

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Episode Highlights

The Winning Mindset
Discover the journey of a scrawny kid who became a published author.
“Who would have thought the scrawny kid from Wellesley College...”
@ 00m 13s
October 20, 2024
Vision Boards and Success
Learn how athletes like Lydia Ko and Israel Adesanya use vision boards to manifest their goals.
“Thoughts become things...”
@ 10m 06s
October 20, 2024
Challenging Questions
The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of the questions you ask.
“If you could not fail, what would you like to do?”
@ 13m 58s
October 20, 2024
Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Recognizing and changing negative self-talk is crucial for personal growth.
“You cannot change anything you don't first recognize.”
@ 25m 16s
October 20, 2024
The Power of Pain
Pain can lead to personal growth and a better version of yourself.
“On the other side of pain is a better version of you.”
@ 38m 21s
October 20, 2024
Building Confidence Through Challenges
Confidence is built by exposing ourselves to tough conditions and overcoming them.
“We build confidence through putting ourselves in tough conditions.”
@ 40m 26s
October 20, 2024
The Journey of Self-Improvement
Emphasizing that the most important project is oneself and the pursuit of excellence.
“The most important project you'll ever work on is you.”
@ 49m 03s
October 20, 2024
The Importance of Self-Pride
Discussing the necessity of being proud of oneself and its positive effects.
“It's okay to be proud; you should be proud of yourself.”
@ 52m 47s
October 20, 2024
Delayed Gratification
The importance of working hard for long-term rewards instead of seeking instant gratification.
“You got to work hard for a long time.”
@ 01h 05m 36s
October 20, 2024
Overcoming Victim Mentality
People often invest more in their victim stories than in creating a better life.
“People put more time into creating their victim story than getting off their ass.”
@ 01h 14m 01s
October 20, 2024
The Power of Vision
Creating a clear vision can energize your pursuits and motivate you to achieve your goals.
“When you have a clear vision, you create that energy.”
@ 01h 22m 41s
October 20, 2024
Respectful Discourse
The need for respectful conversations in today's world is emphasized.
“We can have an argument and still respect each other.”
@ 01h 29m 20s
October 20, 2024

Episode Quotes

Key Moments

Dream Big13:58
Overcoming Fear46:15
Building Confidence50:13
Financial Humility1:05:57
Personal Growth1:13:26
Victim Mentality1:13:43
Global Success1:27:45
Discipline vs Motivation1:31:10

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