00:00:06
Troy Hall, welcome to my podcast. Thank
00:00:08
you, my friend. Thank you for having me
00:00:09
here, mate. It's uh so good to have this
00:00:11
is a hell of a story. Um this, I think,
00:00:14
is my favorite sort of podcast. Um
00:00:18
yeah, just just you you're just someone
00:00:21
that's um gone through this remarkable
00:00:23
adversity and you've not only survived,
00:00:26
but you've thrived. And I think um yeah,
00:00:29
most most people listening to this can
00:00:30
probably get something out of it. Like a
00:00:31
lot of people are stuck stuck in their
00:00:33
own sort of self-pity or they they've
00:00:36
created this story or this narrative
00:00:38
about themselves which may or may not be
00:00:40
true. Um and it just goes to show that
00:00:42
you can, you know, the human spirit is
00:00:44
more powerful than what we think and you
00:00:45
can get through a lot more than what you
00:00:46
think you can. Yeah, for sure. For sure.
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Yeah, definitely. Can we start by um you
00:00:51
did this just a couple of minutes ago
00:00:52
before we started filming. Um if you're
00:00:54
listening to this, this will make no
00:00:55
sense. Um, but for the viewers of this
00:00:57
podcast, can you do the ear trick with
00:00:59
your right ear? The old the tardinger.
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Oh, the old tarding. For those of you
00:01:04
listening, um, can I touch it? Can I? Of
00:01:07
course you can. Troy just um un Damn, he
00:01:11
just unclipped his ear. So, it's like
00:01:13
got a little magnet on the end. Yeah,
00:01:15
it's a It got drilled in. So, uh, they
00:01:19
drilled into my skull and then, yeah,
00:01:22
they they put the pieces on and then
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they've put the rod across there and
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then they've got magnet pieces inside of
00:01:27
it and it just clicks on, clicks off.
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Get a little party tricks for the kids.
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So, it's mainly just um uh an appearance
00:01:35
thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I I was
00:01:37
very self-conscious about it for a very
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long time and um when I sort of had the
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courage to go back into hospital again
00:01:44
and going through all of that I went
00:01:47
through the surgery. So yeah it was just
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one step there was multiple steps
00:01:51
through you know feeling better about
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myself and you know getting over the
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self-consciousness and things like that.
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So that was a major part of it. Yeah.
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This is the first time I've held another
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another human's ear. It's crazy. I just
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leave it around so then people know that
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I'm still hearing people and uh
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especially the kids. Right. Okay. All
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right. Yeah. We'll get into the whole um
00:02:12
the whole why you've got that here
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shortly. But first of all um who was
00:02:17
Troy Hall before 2011 in particular
00:02:20
before October 14 2011. Well, I mean,
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beforehand, I suppose I came from a
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background, you know, gang culture, that
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type of
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circle, that type of circle of people.
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Uh, lots of friends and families that I
00:02:36
still to this day, um, have a lot of
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respect for. But unfortunately, we're
00:02:41
just on different paths nowadays. And I
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was I was a guy that was addicted to
00:02:46
drugs and alcohol for a very long period
00:02:48
of that. Um, as a child I was a person
00:02:51
that was actually
00:02:53
um, I loved my sports, I loved
00:02:58
athletics, I was into all of that and I
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was actually quite talented at it. So I
00:03:02
just sort of went down that path of
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unfortunately when it when it came time
00:03:08
to
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think about the childhood and everything
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in between. I realized that being
00:03:17
separated from my siblings for a very
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long period of time and separation of
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parents and and all of that. I really
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sort of came to a point where I started
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getting hurt and and neglected. And so I
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started joining the brothers when I was
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around a teenager age when I had moved
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down to Parapumu. And from that point
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on, I sort of went down that path and
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gave up all the sports and athletics and
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long story short, just went down a path
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of drug and alcohol abuse and violence.
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And yeah, I mean, there's a lot of
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moments that I'm not proud of, but at
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the same time, it's probably just
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something that's happened in my life
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that I could go back now to the youth of
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today and encourage them to just not go
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down that path really, you know. But
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yeah, that was pretty much me before
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October 14th, 2011. So, you're just like
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an angry young man pretty much. Yeah,
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pretty much. Um, I still I felt that I
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was still quite composed. I could still
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do my thing. Um, I was actually still
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quite a nice person. I was the black
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sheep and amongst all of them anyway, I
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would never partake in all the
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activities that they would do. But it
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was just I realized as well that I had
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better potential than that. So a few
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months before October, I sort of gave
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all of that life up, gave everything up
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and started training, getting into, you
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know, the best shape of my life. And
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2011 was the year of the World Cup. So
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that's what gave me more encouragement.
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And I was 22 at the time. So I thought,
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I've still got what what it takes and I
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could still have the skill and the
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natural skill to at least play um top
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tier rugby, you know, um club club level
00:04:51
or whatever. So I just got got into it
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and yeah. Yeah. This is part of the uh
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cruelness about what happened to you.
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It's not like um this forced what
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happened on October 14 forced you to
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make a lifestyle change. You'd already
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made the lifestyle change and made the
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hard decision to sort of remove yourself
00:05:06
from that negative environment. Yeah.
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Yeah, it was. I mean, you know, I can't
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say that I was completely gone from it
00:05:12
because my mindset was still, you know,
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it doesn't just change overnight, right?
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You have to change habits and replace
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them with others. And it was a
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transition period, I would call it. I
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wouldn't say that I completely changed,
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but I got to a stage where, you know, I
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was changing. I was
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doing all the training. I was doing
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everything to feel good about myself,
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not relying on drugs and alcohol in
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order to get that. And I was I was in
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some really good shape um in terms of
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physical shape. And yeah, I was ready to
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go. So yeah, it was a bit of a like you
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say, it was quite cruel what had
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happened and it was unfortunate, but
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yeah, like I say, just it is what it is,
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I suppose. sometimes. Yeah, I read a
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quote from you. Uh, what happened to me
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was probably inevitable given the
00:05:55
lifestyle I lived. What does what does
00:05:57
that mean? I I just feel that it's it's
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like a karma type scenario. You know,
00:06:02
when you're involved in certain things
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and activities and being around people
00:06:07
that just
00:06:09
are cruel, negative, toxic type of
00:06:11
people. I mean, I was an average of my
00:06:14
top five at that stage, right? So my top
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five people were, you know, gang
00:06:18
members, drug dealers, whatever it was.
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So, you know, it was inevitable for me
00:06:23
to know at that time that I mean, cuz it
00:06:26
happened to all of us, you know, I had
00:06:28
lots of friends committing suicide. I
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mean, we had a serious car crash three
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years beforehand where we all flew out
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at 200k. You know, there there's all of
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these things where unfortunately my bro
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had died and, you know, I was very lucky
00:06:40
to even survive that. So, you know,
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there's all of these things that have
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happened, but the more that I've started
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working on myself and realizing
00:06:50
the things I was doing and partaking in
00:06:52
back in those days, I mean, it was
00:06:54
inevitable. It was something was going
00:06:56
to happen eventually, you know. Um, so,
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you know, a lot of the boys or family,
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the they're in jail, constantly in jail,
00:07:05
in and out, in and out or whatever it
00:07:07
is. I mean, it's all karma. That's what
00:07:09
I believe. if you're partaking or you're
00:07:11
around that type of environment, you
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know, you are what you attract. So that
00:07:15
that's where I'm sort of at with all of
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that and that's why I can't be a part of
00:07:19
it these days obviously because I'm
00:07:21
trying to change and I want to be a
00:07:22
better person. Yeah. So October 14,
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2011. Um, talk us through that day. You
00:07:28
wake up in the morning, normal day.
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Yeah. It was pissing down with rain. So
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I was picking avocados on a cherry
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picker at the time and
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it was raining. We shouldn't have gone
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out there. That that's the long story
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short. You say where you and your dad?
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Yeah, me and my father. Um and we had a
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couple other workers that were out there
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too picking on this orchard in Mataphi
00:07:48
up in Toadonga. And it was just your
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typical day though. We had done it
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multiple times before in the rain,
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picking away as usual, just making sure
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that we weren't, you know, being a
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danger to ourselves.
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Uh we got to a row of avocado trees that
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had overhead power lines going through
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them and they were actually going
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through the trees themselves. So they
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were actually going right through them.
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And at one point in time, I was actually
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so close to these lines, I popped up in
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between. I remember looking side to side
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of me and I could feel the energy of the
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power. Um 110,000 volt power lines. And
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I could just I remember to this day the
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visual, you know, the visual of it. And
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I I had the shivers down my spine, but
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my attitude was the [ __ ] side, which
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just oh [ __ ] you know, just, oh, I'm
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bloody close here. And my father was
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going nuts at me on the other side and I
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just told him, "Oh, calm down, man.
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[ __ ] What are you on about?" Exactly.
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You know, so it was that [ __ ] attitude
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thinking I'm untouchable. And it's like
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that um there's there's a line in the
00:08:49
original Top Gun movie about being
00:08:50
young, dumb, and full of [ __ ] That's
00:08:52
exactly what it was, mate. And that's
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what I say a lot, too. I was young,
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dumb, and full of. Right. So that's
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that's how it was at those times. And my
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attitude was I was actually angry at my
00:09:02
father, so I was stay well away from the
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[ __ ] lines and altogether. And um I
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did I was well away from them at the end
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of the day. Um but we got to the end of
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the day, my father told me to drop the
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rest of the fruit off into the bin. He
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took off up to the top of the orchard
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and I was about to make a phone call.
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And then as soon as I realized that
00:09:23
there was no reception on the phone,
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I had to go up to the highest point on
00:09:28
the machine, which is about 6 to 8 m
00:09:30
high. So about 6 m the boom. So you can
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go up to 6 m. I remember seeing the
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reception, made the phone call and that
00:09:37
was the last I remember. So the phone
00:09:38
call was the last thing I remember
00:09:40
seeing the visual of the trees and then
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just blackout and um what had actually
00:09:46
happened was the power the lines exact
00:09:49
same lines that I just dodged a few
00:09:51
hours earlier had jumped 4 m and hit me
00:09:54
directly through the head on on the on
00:09:56
the right hand side and killed me
00:09:58
instantly and that was it. Lights out.
00:10:01
So, but amazingly 30 seconds later, I
00:10:03
had a second one go through my chest,
00:10:04
bring me back um but engulfed me in
00:10:07
flames and that was the visual that my
00:10:10
father had seen and and the other the
00:10:12
other guys that were there that day. So,
00:10:16
yeah, you must have spoken to your dad
00:10:18
or potentially the others about this. I
00:10:19
don't know. But, um So, did they see the
00:10:22
first the first shock or just something?
00:10:25
They just heard it. Yeah, they just like
00:10:26
my father sort of gave me a brief. We've
00:10:29
talked about it maybe once or twice. Um,
00:10:32
and he he's he just reckons that he just
00:10:34
heard a massive echo through the sky
00:10:36
like a like lightning hitting the ground
00:10:38
or something, you know, and it just
00:10:39
echoed through the whole orchard and he
00:10:42
knew exactly what had happened. And so,
00:10:44
yeah, he flew down on the tractor and by
00:10:46
that time the second one had hit and
00:10:47
then he's looking up and seeing me up in
00:10:50
flames and everything. So, it was quite
00:10:52
a traumatic experience for him to talk
00:10:54
about. I mean, like I said, he talked
00:10:56
about it very briefly for like a second,
00:10:58
you know, a few seconds and he walks out
00:11:00
of the room. So, I didn't realize the
00:11:02
impact it ever had on him or
00:11:05
other people that were there that day.
00:11:06
And yeah, I mean, especially for my
00:11:09
father. So, yeah. Yeah. I was about to
00:11:12
say it's funny. It's not funny at all.
00:11:13
But the like the I mean you you were you
00:11:15
were you were knocked out. So it was
00:11:18
probably more more like triggering for
00:11:20
you the others than for than for you
00:11:22
even though you had to go deal with the
00:11:24
whole recovery and stuff physically. Um
00:11:26
who was the phone call to?
00:11:29
It was I think it was to my exartner at
00:11:31
the time, you know, probably asking her,
00:11:33
"Hey, what's for quite tonight? It's
00:11:35
bloody cold. I'm wet. I need something
00:11:37
to eat." I think that's what it was. I'm
00:11:39
not too sure to be honest. I can't
00:11:41
remember. Yeah, I mean we we haven't
00:11:42
talked about it. So yeah. Um yeah, I
00:11:46
don't know what I rung what I called
00:11:47
for, but I do remember the phone call
00:11:49
cuz I remember the no no reception on
00:11:51
the phone. So that's why I went up to
00:11:53
the highest point and yeah, that's why
00:11:56
it happened. Yeah. So the first one that
00:11:58
kills you goes through the side and the
00:12:00
second one um restarts your heart. Well,
00:12:03
yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean
00:12:06
I mean that's just the report you know
00:12:08
and my father you know so and and I
00:12:11
don't know whether the second one
00:12:13
because what what happened was when they
00:12:15
were finally able to lower me on the
00:12:17
ground and they laid me on the ground I
00:12:18
remember from the stage trying to get
00:12:20
up. So when I tried to get up and I
00:12:23
could hear my father crying and in panic
00:12:25
and all that that's when I realized like
00:12:27
holy [ __ ] like something's happened cuz
00:12:29
I didn't know what happened cuz I was
00:12:31
completely black at the time so I
00:12:32
couldn't see anything. I couldn't see
00:12:34
nothing at all. All I could all I could
00:12:36
hear was my father's voice and then I
00:12:39
heard him breaking down. And he's your
00:12:40
typical old school fellow, you know, no
00:12:42
tears, no emotion. But once I heard
00:12:45
that, that's when I knew like, [ __ ]
00:12:47
something's happen. He's like, you're
00:12:48
just being electrocuted, son. And
00:12:50
please, son, just listen. Just listen.
00:12:51
Cuz my attitude was, "Ah, what are you
00:12:53
on about that? I'm all good. I'm sorry."
00:12:55
He's like, "You're not, son. You're
00:12:56
not." Oh, were you talking? Yeah. I was
00:12:58
I was conscious through that period. So,
00:13:00
so like I say, like there was that 10 15
00:13:04
minute like from the first strike. I
00:13:06
don't know what happened, but it must
00:13:08
have been about 10 15 minutes later when
00:13:10
they were able to lower me down on the
00:13:11
ground because for like the first minute
00:13:14
or two, what had happened was the power
00:13:16
had sort of gone around the whole
00:13:18
machine because of it being arked to the
00:13:20
ground, right? So, all the power would
00:13:21
have dissipated on the ground just like
00:13:23
how a lightning strike happens. If it
00:13:25
hits a tree, anything in that area, it
00:13:28
will kill it all. That's why livestock
00:13:30
gets killed every year from lightning
00:13:31
strikes and everything over in America
00:13:33
especially. Um, but if dad went anywhere
00:13:36
near my machine at that time, he would
00:13:38
have he would have had all of that
00:13:40
200,000 volts as well go through him and
00:13:43
he wouldn't be here today. So, he froze.
00:13:45
He panicked. I reckon he didn't know
00:13:47
what to do. But he could feel the energy
00:13:49
of the power cuz he wanted to run
00:13:51
towards the machine to get me down. But
00:13:54
I'm glad he didn't run because if he did
00:13:56
run anywhere near it, um people of you
00:13:58
know, uh electricians and all that, they
00:14:00
know how it all works with um what's the
00:14:03
word? Sorry. See, this is terrible, but
00:14:05
uh electrical ground currents. So when
00:14:07
electrical ground currents are at that
00:14:09
point for those periods of time, which
00:14:12
is about up to a minute, they reckon,
00:14:13
maybe a bit longer, all that power is
00:14:16
staying around that area where it's
00:14:18
been, you know, lightning strike or in
00:14:19
this case, my my strikes from the from
00:14:22
the power lines. So he pretty much
00:14:24
stayed away from there the whole time
00:14:27
until it had all gone and then they
00:14:28
finally lowered me down. One of the
00:14:30
other workers did. They ran over to the
00:14:32
machine, lowered me down, pulled me out,
00:14:35
laid me on the ground and then that's
00:14:37
when I remember from this point on what
00:14:39
was happening from that point on trying
00:14:40
to get up and hearing all the voices and
00:14:42
hearing my father and yeah. Were you
00:14:46
were you scared or were you in pain? I
00:14:49
had no feeling. There was no pain. There
00:14:51
was no nothing. It was just I could just
00:14:53
hear voices. I could just hear my
00:14:55
father. I could hear my father actually
00:14:57
starting to get angry at a point telling
00:14:58
them to call the power company, call the
00:15:00
ambulance. He was just getting
00:15:01
frustrated. And then I could hear
00:15:04
everybody else around me panicking,
00:15:05
crying, everything like that cuz I must
00:15:07
have been swelling up at that stage cuz
00:15:10
in the end I swelled up six times my
00:15:12
size. So I must have been like a big
00:15:14
massive like a Michelin man. Exactly.
00:15:16
That's exactly it. Yeah. Exactly it. Um
00:15:20
when
00:15:22
Did you Did you pass out again after
00:15:23
that or were you So the the helicopter
00:15:26
came or the ambo or Yeah, the ambulance
00:15:28
came. They end up having to chuck me if
00:15:30
I remember. Yes, it was. That's right.
00:15:32
They put me on the forklift um of the
00:15:35
tractor and they they took me up to the
00:15:37
top of the orchard cuz it was so wet
00:15:39
down there. The ambulance wasn't able to
00:15:41
come down to where I was. So he took me
00:15:43
up to the top of the orchard and then
00:15:45
they took me in. Done your basic
00:15:49
um you know, what's your name? Do you
00:15:51
know what day it is? Whatever. Whatever.
00:15:52
And then they told me that they had to
00:15:54
put me in a coma. Cuz the severity of my
00:15:57
swelling at that stage was so severe
00:15:58
that they had to um put me in a coma
00:16:02
otherwise my body would go into shock.
00:16:04
So all I remember asking them was am I
00:16:06
going to wake up and then my father just
00:16:08
listen to them please son or I I
00:16:10
something along those lines and because
00:16:12
I was quite an arrogant fellow so you
00:16:14
know I didn't want to you know go to
00:16:16
sleep if I wasn't going to wake up. So
00:16:18
there was all those sort of factors and
00:16:20
yeah, I mean it was a [ __ ] attitude but
00:16:23
you know I just didn't want to sort of
00:16:25
go into a coma if I wasn't going to wake
00:16:27
up and that was my mentality at the time
00:16:29
and they were like no no you'll be fine
00:16:30
m okay you'll be fine and that was it.
00:16:33
So it was just complete nothing after
00:16:35
that. And you got to go easy on yourself
00:16:38
about your attitude. I don't think
00:16:39
there's too many 22 year olds that
00:16:40
aren't you know exactly that aren't a
00:16:44
bit douchy. Um, [ __ ] I can see why your
00:16:47
dad um Yeah. doesn't really want to
00:16:50
think about it or talk about it. That's
00:16:51
um [ __ ] that's troubling. Has he any
00:16:53
therapy or anything? No, just real old
00:16:56
school. He's your typical old school
00:16:57
fellow, mate. Yeah, he he just, you
00:16:59
know, he'll talk about it after a couple
00:17:01
of drinks or, you know, which is
00:17:03
probably his only way he can be himself,
00:17:05
I suppose, maybe to a degree. And I
00:17:07
understand it. I mean, it's trauma, you
00:17:09
know. Um, the more I'm learning about
00:17:11
trauma, the more I'm realizing, wow,
00:17:13
this is how people deal with issues or
00:17:15
deal with it. So, that's just the way he
00:17:18
deals with it, you know. And, um, yeah.
00:17:21
Yeah. I mean, I I mean, I wish I could,
00:17:23
you know, talk about it more, to be
00:17:25
honest. I mean, I want to know all the
00:17:27
graphic stuff. What did it look like?
00:17:28
And, you know, I want to know all these
00:17:29
other You missed the show. Yeah. I want
00:17:32
to know all the juicy bits. But even
00:17:34
even all the um even the other guys that
00:17:36
were there, they didn't even want to
00:17:37
talk about it, you know. So it was quite
00:17:39
a So it proves like it must have been so
00:17:41
severe because they they reckon that I
00:17:43
looked like cooked meat. So must have
00:17:45
been just pulsating and must have been
00:17:47
just I don't know just yeah they reckon
00:17:50
I looked like cooked meat so it must
00:17:51
have been like a dark blue color red you
00:17:54
know cooked. Um and the smell they
00:17:56
reckon the smell was so unbearable that
00:17:58
you just couldn't you couldn't even
00:18:01
picture.
00:18:03
Yeah. You could just tell that man it's
00:18:05
a [ __ ] smell and a vision I'll never
00:18:07
ever forget. and they were crying. I was
00:18:08
like, "Whoa." And you know, these fellas
00:18:10
are pretty hearty guys, you know. Yeah,
00:18:12
they're those type of fellas. Um, but
00:18:15
yeah, that actually changed them, got
00:18:17
them real emotional. And that's when I
00:18:18
started realizing, holy [ __ ] this ain't
00:18:20
just about me. It hasn't just impacted
00:18:23
me. Like, look at these guys and look at
00:18:25
my dad. And my dad blames himself for
00:18:27
the whole incident to this day. And, you
00:18:29
know, how so? Because we shouldn't have
00:18:32
been there around those power lines. We
00:18:34
shouldn't even picking that day. Maybe.
00:18:35
I don't know. I I heard it through my
00:18:38
sister. I didn't hear it from Have you
00:18:40
Have you like had a chat or said
00:18:42
anything to like relieve him from his
00:18:43
guilt? No, I'm I'm pretty I'm pretty
00:18:45
crap with that myself. You know, I know
00:18:47
I need to work on it. And, you know,
00:18:49
when you got two hard nuts that don't
00:18:51
want to, you know, be emotional or, you
00:18:54
know, uh vulnerable with each other, we
00:18:56
probably would, right? Probably could,
00:18:58
but I need to open that conversation.
00:19:01
So, yeah, in due time, I think. Well,
00:19:03
maybe if he happens to hear this
00:19:05
podcast, maybe that'll sort of open the
00:19:06
Actually, if he if he happened to come
00:19:08
across this podcast or, you know,
00:19:10
someone that knows him um happens to
00:19:12
stumble across this podcast like Yeah.
00:19:14
Maybe you could communicate with him
00:19:15
through here. Yeah, for sure. For sure.
00:19:16
It'd be a cool thing, you know. I I know
00:19:18
that would release him and it'll release
00:19:20
me a lot too. Yeah. Yeah. So, when did
00:19:23
you realize the
00:19:26
massive I'm I'm just um trying to
00:19:27
picture it. like just a massive
00:19:28
adrenaline dump. Hey, cuz I've had I've
00:19:30
had like little burns before, like a
00:19:31
steam burn from the pot or um I bent my
00:19:34
thumb once in the car cigarette lighter
00:19:36
growing up. Most excruciating thing
00:19:38
imaginable. It's awful. Um you must have
00:19:41
just had like a massive adrenaline dump
00:19:42
or it it must have been like I didn't
00:19:44
feel anything at all. There was no pain
00:19:46
whatsoever. So it must have my whole
00:19:48
body just must have went numb, you know?
00:19:50
And I think that's shock, right? Um I'm
00:19:53
not too sure. Like to be honest, I I
00:19:55
couldn't really tell you why I didn't
00:19:57
feel anything. Maybe because I couldn't
00:19:59
see it visually cuz I was completely
00:20:01
blind at that time. I mean, I'm blind in
00:20:03
my left eye, so that's what happened.
00:20:05
Right. Are you? Yeah. As a result of
00:20:06
that. Exactly. Yeah. So, you know,
00:20:09
obviously right operates left maybe. You
00:20:11
know, I haven't gone that far in my
00:20:13
study yet, but you know, right operates
00:20:15
left, left operates right from from what
00:20:17
I've heard. Um, so maybe it could have
00:20:19
been that, but the optic nerve is
00:20:21
apparently right, you know, burnt. So
00:20:24
that's why I can't see out of it. So
00:20:26
when when did you realize the extent of
00:20:27
your injuries? When I woke up, which was
00:20:30
how long? Two weeks later.
00:20:33
So two weeks just gone. Yeah. Well, I
00:20:35
just felt like I was asleep and I woke
00:20:36
back up. But for the first three days,
00:20:39
my body was using over 9,000 calories a
00:20:42
day. You know, this is from another Burn
00:20:44
Survivor. So, I would imagine this is
00:20:46
exactly how my body was at the time. It
00:20:48
was 9,000 calories a day, 230 beats per
00:20:51
minute on average, you know, for the
00:20:53
first three days, which is why I wasn't
00:20:54
supposed to survive at all. Um, but due
00:20:57
to the fact that I was training and
00:20:58
everything else in between beforehand,
00:21:00
it was probably and age as well, plus
00:21:03
the amazing technology of these days and
00:21:06
Middlemore Hospital and and um, you
00:21:09
know, the team there. I mean, it was
00:21:12
what got me through. So, yeah, fitness,
00:21:15
youth, probably a bit of luck and um who
00:21:18
knows, maybe a higher power. Like,
00:21:19
there's got to be a reason you survived.
00:21:21
Yeah, for sure. For sure. I mean, a lot
00:21:22
of people have told me that. And, you
00:21:24
know, I can't say I'm religious
00:21:25
personally, but I'm very spiritual. You
00:21:27
know, I very, you know, I'm a very
00:21:29
spiritual person. I've had a lot of
00:21:31
things happen in my life before and
00:21:32
after this that has, you know,
00:21:36
unexplained, if that's what you want to
00:21:38
call it. So, yeah. Um, yeah, I
00:21:40
definitely believe in all that too for
00:21:42
sure. So, so when you wake up from the
00:21:45
coma after after 2 weeks, are you are
00:21:48
you still paralyzed from the neck down?
00:21:50
Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't do nothing.
00:21:52
I couldn't move. Couldn't do nothing. I
00:21:54
was like a tiny little 20 kg 27 kgs or
00:21:58
whatever it was. Yeah. Actually, I've
00:22:00
got that a photo here from your
00:22:01
Facebook. Yeah. Um, yeah. How do you
00:22:04
feel like like I'm looking at this photo
00:22:06
and I'm looking at you and they look
00:22:07
like two two completely different
00:22:08
people. How do you feel when you when
00:22:10
you see that? I mean, you know, I'm
00:22:12
definitely proud of where I am these
00:22:14
days and and I realize that it's going
00:22:15
to maybe make people be aware of the
00:22:19
message I'm trying to give out these
00:22:21
days to people, you know, to be better
00:22:22
versions of themselves and look at being
00:22:25
having better attitudes towards, you
00:22:28
know, themselves and others, gratitude,
00:22:31
all of these things. So, I mean, I do
00:22:32
look at that. I'm definitely proud of
00:22:34
myself. I have a gift and a curse with
00:22:36
the type of personality and the type of
00:22:38
mentality I have. Um, you know, I feel
00:22:41
that it's never good enough, but at the
00:22:43
same time, it's driving me and it's
00:22:45
pushing me to be where I am even today.
00:22:47
Even to talk in a podcast format, doing
00:22:50
presentations,
00:22:52
being in the public eye, you know,
00:22:54
because I was very self-conscious for
00:22:56
the whole period, you know, until the
00:22:58
last year or two. It's um Yeah. in terms
00:23:00
of like like wearing long sleeve tops or
00:23:03
Yeah. I never used to hoodies all the
00:23:05
time. There was all of that. I would
00:23:06
never show any of this stuff. And you
00:23:08
know, it was
00:23:11
just what was inside of my head. You
00:23:13
know, I'm ugly. I'm this. I'm, you know,
00:23:15
all of the negative stuff. You know, I
00:23:16
try not to say it too much now cuz
00:23:18
that's like affirmation, right? But it's
00:23:21
that's just how it was for the first 10
00:23:23
to 11 years. It was suicidal on a daily
00:23:26
event. Like every day I just didn't even
00:23:29
want to be here. Even with my daughter,
00:23:30
the only thing that kept me going was
00:23:32
was was my daughter who came 3 years
00:23:34
after the accident. And I was very
00:23:36
grateful for it all and everything, but
00:23:38
it was still wasn't enough at that per
00:23:40
Well, it was obviously because if I
00:23:42
didn't, if I did do it, um, then she
00:23:45
would have missed out on her father,
00:23:47
which was a miracle to begin with,
00:23:49
right? So that's where it was. Yeah.
00:23:53
So, so what was the initial prognosis
00:23:56
they gave you? So you come to two weeks
00:23:58
after the accident from your coma. What
00:24:01
do they say? Paralyzed for life or
00:24:03
pretty much. Yeah. They said that I was
00:24:05
probably never going to walk or talk
00:24:06
again. Um and even if I did, it would be
00:24:10
very very limited and it was going to
00:24:12
take a very long time if you ever to get
00:24:14
any sort of All I heard was I was never
00:24:17
going to walk or talk again. And the
00:24:19
arrogance inside of me was no no I'm not
00:24:22
going to [ __ ] put up with this. Like
00:24:23
and it wasn't against them. is more
00:24:25
towards myself because I gave up at that
00:24:28
moment when I heard that because I
00:24:29
couldn't I couldn't move. I couldn't do
00:24:31
nothing. Couldn't move a single bit of
00:24:33
my body. So
00:24:35
why why do you say the arrogance? That
00:24:37
to me seems like the almost like um the
00:24:39
fighting spirit the fighter the warrior
00:24:41
spirit it is. But I suppose the arrogant
00:24:43
I mean in order to have that you have to
00:24:46
be arrogant to to a degree. That's what
00:24:47
I feel you know because it is going
00:24:50
against what other people are saying.
00:24:52
Yeah. Yeah. People that are medically
00:24:53
trained. Exactly. eight years at
00:24:55
university. And numbers don't lie
00:24:57
though, right? You know, I wasn't even
00:24:59
supposed to survive, let alone walk
00:25:02
again. You know, they they told my
00:25:03
parents and everyone that I wasn't going
00:25:05
to make it. So, you better come and pay
00:25:06
your final respects to this guy cuz he's
00:25:09
he's going to die. So, it was just and
00:25:12
then they were supposed to cut my right
00:25:13
arm off, my right leg, cuz I was burning
00:25:16
from the inside out like a microwave,
00:25:17
right? So, it was just constantly going
00:25:19
to this, you know, that was going to the
00:25:21
bone and then there was nothing left.
00:25:24
Like, they were like, "We're going to
00:25:25
have to cut it off cuz it's car it's
00:25:26
going to go burn through the bone and
00:25:28
everything." And fortunately for my dad,
00:25:30
he was in there saying, "There's no
00:25:31
[ __ ] way. He either dies whole, you
00:25:33
wait until he wakes up cuz he knew he
00:25:36
knew the type of person I was." Oh, he
00:25:38
he didn't want to make the decision on
00:25:39
your behalf. No, cuz if I wake up and I
00:25:41
had no [ __ ] arm and no leg, I would
00:25:42
have been pissed. I I know it.
00:25:46
I wouldn't be where I am today. I'll
00:25:47
tell you that I I wouldn't be. There's
00:25:50
no way. [ __ ] That was a good call from
00:25:52
your dad. Oh, he Well, he just knew he
00:25:54
knew me too well. You know, he knew
00:25:55
exactly the type of person I was. And um
00:25:58
you know, when they say I can't do
00:26:00
something, I'm going to go against that.
00:26:02
And yeah, we'll see. Now, obviously, it
00:26:04
was in a negative sense back in those
00:26:07
days, but it's worked out now. So, for a
00:26:10
lot of things. So, were you just
00:26:13
like on morphine the entire time or
00:26:16
Yeah, exactly. The pain must have been
00:26:17
ex like as soon as you were without pain
00:26:19
relief, it must have been excruciating.
00:26:21
Yeah. I mean, I didn't really notice any
00:26:23
of that until I dropped from the because
00:26:25
this is my very first steps that picture
00:26:27
there. So, that was my first steps. That
00:26:29
was about 6 weeks after getting told
00:26:31
that. So, you know, and then I started
00:26:34
realizing from that point, I've got to
00:26:36
stop morphine because I realized that I
00:26:38
was using it. Um, and coming from an ex
00:26:41
addiction background,
00:26:43
especially with meth and all that back
00:26:44
then, I realized that my brain's getting
00:26:47
used to this and I can't I can't this is
00:26:49
going to slow me down. It's going to
00:26:50
stop me. It's, you know, I this is not
00:26:53
good for me. So, soon as I stopped from
00:26:56
the morphine down to ketamine, that's
00:26:58
when the pain started. That's when the
00:27:00
real pain started, right? Yeah. Like I
00:27:03
started really feeling I can't even
00:27:05
describe the pains. Like it's only other
00:27:08
maybe burn survivors could relate to a
00:27:10
degree. I mean thinking about the burn
00:27:12
on your finger. I mean it's just the
00:27:13
whole body nerves. Yeah. I just people
00:27:17
say a pain barrier you know what's it 1
00:27:19
to 10? It's [ __ ] a thousand.
00:27:22
That's it. You know that's all I could
00:27:24
you know it's so unbearable. This is why
00:27:26
suicidal was daily. This is why
00:27:28
everything was daily because in terms of
00:27:30
the negative mindset because I just
00:27:32
didn't even want to be here. It's like
00:27:33
this is a punishment. This is a curse.
00:27:35
Like the [ __ ] am I even doing here? Like
00:27:39
I'm here to suffer. So that's what it
00:27:42
was like for the first few months and
00:27:44
especially when I got transferred from
00:27:46
Middlemore to W Cuttle uh hospital and I
00:27:49
was there for about 3 to four months.
00:27:52
Yeah. That's when I was the real darkest
00:27:54
moments. Yeah. It was Yeah. Why is that?
00:27:57
cuz it Yeah, it feels like you're
00:28:00
getting better slowly. But Middlemore
00:28:03
only catered to you like to a certain
00:28:05
degree like once you're considered, you
00:28:07
know, able. Um, you know, cuz there's
00:28:10
people getting burnt every day, severe,
00:28:13
you know, or not. Um, and it was
00:28:16
probably at that time where they were
00:28:18
like, well, he's, you know, getting to a
00:28:20
stage now where he's capable of, you
00:28:22
know, he's walking again, you know, even
00:28:24
though it was only four or five steps at
00:28:26
that time, but it's progress, right? I
00:28:27
was never supposed to walk and talk
00:28:29
again. So, um, the talking took forever,
00:28:32
like good few months. Oh, in terms of
00:28:35
getting your voice back. Yeah. Yeah. The
00:28:36
voice box was completely fried cuz
00:28:38
obviously the two strikes, right? And
00:28:40
even right now if I'm at a concert and
00:28:43
yelling away for a bit or at a stadium,
00:28:45
it doesn't take long for my voice to be
00:28:46
gone and lost, you know. So yeah, but
00:28:49
during that time I couldn't even talk.
00:28:53
And the amount of energy that it took
00:28:55
just to [ __ ] sound like a league player
00:28:57
from the 80s. Move the fan. Like the fan
00:29:00
was another one. My dad, he used to get
00:29:02
pissed at me. I remember these moments I
00:29:04
was in the hospital and cuz the fan
00:29:06
would be there blowing into me and I'd
00:29:08
be like, "Yeah, it feels great." Then
00:29:10
it's too cold so you'd have to move it
00:29:12
and all day honestly like hundreds of
00:29:15
times he would be having to move it off
00:29:17
and on and but but the voice that it
00:29:20
took for me to tell him like
00:29:24
and then I'd so tired just even doing
00:29:26
that. So it was just all of these things
00:29:28
that talking about it in a longer format
00:29:30
that that's what was happening. It was
00:29:31
the amount of energy it took just to
00:29:33
even talk, just to even like do
00:29:36
anything, you know, for the first 6 to 9
00:29:39
months was just it was like you're
00:29:41
running a marathon constantly just to
00:29:43
talk or just to even do a few steps or
00:29:46
move.
00:29:48
I suppose your body's still in survival
00:29:50
or healing mode. What was the what was
00:29:52
the worst pain? Not on the the scale
00:29:54
like you were talking about before, but
00:29:55
like was it like changing the dressing?
00:29:56
Was it skin grafts or changing the
00:29:59
dressings? Yeah, cuz I've had an uh this
00:30:01
remarkable woman on the podcast called
00:30:03
um Kelsey Wagghorn. She's she was a
00:30:05
guide on Ficardi White Island when the
00:30:07
explosion happened. Wow. So, she's a
00:30:09
burn survivor as well and she talked
00:30:10
about the um the the changing of the
00:30:13
dressing. Yeah. See, that's what I mean.
00:30:16
Like talking to her would be amazing for
00:30:18
myself to know that, you know, cuz it is
00:30:21
like that when you've had such severe
00:30:23
burns and then the the bandages just
00:30:26
peeling it off like the pus that just
00:30:28
covers is just
00:30:30
And it was just big massive drips of pus
00:30:33
just dropping off. It's disgusting. It's
00:30:35
disgusting. But the pain is just it's
00:30:37
unbearable. Like Yeah. I don't know.
00:30:41
Maybe she did. She How did she describe
00:30:43
it? Can you Oh, just excruciating. I
00:30:45
can't remember exactly. She was on a
00:30:47
couple of years ago, but yeah, she's
00:30:48
remarkable. Yeah, it sucks. Um, one of
00:30:53
the um I suppose good things about the
00:30:55
time this happened, it was like old
00:30:56
school cameras. We still had cell
00:30:59
phones, but there were so the photos
00:31:00
you've taken have got the date on the
00:31:01
corner. Um so there's another photo of
00:31:03
you and it looks like you got half a
00:31:05
smile here, but this was Christmas Day.
00:31:07
It was Christmas Day. So this is um what
00:31:09
like um two 10 weeks after the accident
00:31:11
happened. Yeah, about that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:12
What are you What are your memories of
00:31:13
that Christmas day? Um that was the
00:31:15
first time I was able to come outside.
00:31:17
So, I just wanted to get outside and
00:31:21
they they pushed me in the hospital bed
00:31:23
all the way out there and um yeah, I
00:31:26
mean
00:31:28
during those moments I wasn't happy at
00:31:30
all. So, I I can't say it was a great
00:31:32
thing. Um
00:31:35
yeah, it's hard to say to think about it
00:31:37
because it was I try and blank it all
00:31:39
out to be honest about what what it was
00:31:41
on Christmas Day. I can't even remember.
00:31:42
I know my family turned up, you know, my
00:31:46
nieces and nephews and yeah, I just
00:31:49
didn't care to be honest at those
00:31:50
moments to be honest. You know, it was
00:31:52
good to see them and my family and that
00:31:54
being there, but I just didn't even want
00:31:56
to be here. So, it was just a a [ __ ]
00:31:58
part of the whole recovery. And yeah,
00:32:02
mentally, yeah, it was just a wreck. So,
00:32:06
yeah. So, just physically and mentally
00:32:07
broken. Yeah, physically because I
00:32:10
couldn't move. I could barely move at
00:32:11
those times. Like I mean I done first
00:32:13
steps before that but just I mean I
00:32:15
slept for days after those four or five
00:32:17
steps you know those steps around in the
00:32:20
hospital and yeah I slept for days. I
00:32:23
remember that cuz it's just the amount
00:32:24
of energy it took. So yeah it's uh
00:32:27
Christmas day was good. It was good you
00:32:29
know with family and seeing my niece and
00:32:31
all that and um but yeah I just that was
00:32:35
the honest truth to be honest. I didn't
00:32:37
even care. Just didn't even want to be
00:32:39
here. So why? Yeah. With reflection like
00:32:43
why didn't you take your own life? I
00:32:46
couldn't. Oh couldn't. Yeah. I've had
00:32:51
another another dude on the the podcast.
00:32:52
This guy Brad who was a a wakeboarder.
00:32:54
Oh yes. Um and he had this this terrible
00:32:57
ramp accident and he landed on his head
00:32:58
and his neck and now he's um I'm
00:33:00
probably going to get this wrong. He's
00:33:02
either a quadriplegic or a tetroplegic.
00:33:03
And he was saying um he felt he he has a
00:33:07
great life now. He's got a great
00:33:08
mindset. But um shortly after the
00:33:10
accident, he said he wanted to take his
00:33:11
own life. But he goes, "The funny thing
00:33:12
is even if someone put a gun next to my
00:33:14
hand, there's nothing I could have even
00:33:15
done with it." And he even sort of
00:33:17
thought about ways that he could do it.
00:33:18
And he the only way he could come to
00:33:19
would be to he's got a blower thing on
00:33:21
his chair to move it forward. And he
00:33:22
goes, "If I went to like a warf, I could
00:33:25
probably blow go off the end of the warf
00:33:27
and drown myself. That would be the only
00:33:29
way." It's it's bleak when you have to
00:33:31
sit there and come up with um ideas to
00:33:34
take your own life. He he would have
00:33:36
probably been trying to plan too, you
00:33:38
know, cuz that's exactly what I was
00:33:39
trying to do. I was trying to plan it,
00:33:42
but I just I I knew I was incapable at
00:33:44
that time and no one was going to do it
00:33:45
for me. So, you know, I was on my own
00:33:48
and so I just had to face the reality of
00:33:51
my new journey, my new life at that time
00:33:53
and it was it's [ __ ] hell to be
00:33:55
honest. That's the easiest way to
00:33:57
explain it. How how did you how did you
00:33:59
get there or switch your mindset? Did
00:34:00
you did you have a therapy or anything
00:34:02
or did you read any books or um like you
00:34:05
talking about in the early early stages?
00:34:07
Yeah, I think the early stages
00:34:11
I mean I met a girl at that time a bit
00:34:14
long you know after coming out of
00:34:16
hospital and we had a daughter and it
00:34:19
was great you know that was my miracle.
00:34:21
She's my baby. She's everything to me.
00:34:23
But even during that period, I was in a
00:34:26
dark spot and it was probably unfair on
00:34:28
on her as well as my daughter. And I
00:34:32
went to a burns group. My mom actually
00:34:33
told me at the time like, "Son, you need
00:34:36
to find people that are, you know, been
00:34:38
through the same thing and, you know,
00:34:40
and so I just typed in like burns group
00:34:43
or something." And then that popped up
00:34:44
and
00:34:46
they offered me uh offered to take me
00:34:48
and my partner and my daughter at the
00:34:50
time to go up and meet um this guy Alan
00:34:53
Brezlo and Dwin um burnt survivor um
00:34:57
Allan was way back in the day and um an
00:35:00
amazing story of his and you know from a
00:35:03
plane crash and dangling and his whole
00:35:04
body just melted and he's an amazing guy
00:35:08
cuz he set up a world Phoenix uh
00:35:10
organization over in America where you
00:35:13
know every year all the burn survivors
00:35:15
all get together and it's an amazing
00:35:17
thing and they have it here in New
00:35:18
Zealand as well up in Oakuckland here
00:35:19
and I went and talked to them and for
00:35:23
those moments I actually felt normal. I
00:35:27
felt like, wow, I can talk to these
00:35:29
guys. And I felt like I was,
00:35:33
you know, actually accepted. And, you
00:35:35
know, because people were always staring
00:35:37
at me and it was just, yeah, it was
00:35:39
very, you know, cuz I had big massive
00:35:41
bandage on my head at the time. There
00:35:43
was still a hole in my head, you know.
00:35:44
This is how long after the Ah, shoot. It
00:35:47
was probably a few years afterwards.
00:35:49
Like, oh wow. Yeah. Three to four maybe.
00:35:51
I'm not too sure. I can't remember
00:35:52
exactly cuz Yeah. Like I say, the whole
00:35:55
time frame for the first 10 years was
00:35:57
just all over the show. Like I don't
00:35:59
really sort of capture I try not to
00:36:01
remember them, you know, cuz they're
00:36:03
such dark moments. But yeah, when I went
00:36:06
there, I actually felt like, wow, I you
00:36:09
found your community. Well, I just Yeah,
00:36:11
exactly. And I just felt like, wow, like
00:36:13
I'm not alone with this. I thought I was
00:36:15
alone with this the whole time. Like no
00:36:16
one can understand what I'm going
00:36:18
through and this and that. So, it was
00:36:19
really cool in that aspect. And since
00:36:21
then I've gone and done kids camps, you
00:36:23
know, Burns camps with with them as well
00:36:25
last few years and yeah, it's been
00:36:28
really cool. So that was the start of my
00:36:30
transition of starting to be a bit more
00:36:32
grateful for, you know, for the whole
00:36:35
thing as well as my daughter, you know.
00:36:37
Yeah. Yeah. And what about the rehab
00:36:40
side of things like um you know walking,
00:36:42
talking, feeding, tying shoelaces,
00:36:45
putting putting a sho putting clothing
00:36:47
on? Right. for for years I had to get
00:36:49
people to do it for me. There was no
00:36:51
other way of doing it. Um well to feed
00:36:53
myself just to even put a spoon to my
00:36:55
mouth and eat. I think what it was it
00:36:57
was like mac cheese macaroni and cheese
00:36:59
or something. That was about 9 10 months
00:37:01
in after intense rehab. But all of the
00:37:04
rehab took years. It was just pretty
00:37:06
much years and years of just intense
00:37:08
rehab and just hard grind. Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:11
Pretty much.
00:37:13
How like c can you can you pinpoint the
00:37:15
moment where you you started to come out
00:37:17
of the dark and find happiness again?
00:37:25
I wouldn't say it's happiness but it was
00:37:27
like an enlightenment like
00:37:30
okay I need to start changing my ways
00:37:32
here. I need to realize that people were
00:37:34
inspired by this or you know like start
00:37:37
feeling good about myself that people
00:37:39
were inspired by me cuz I wasn't
00:37:42
inspired by myself. So that sort of
00:37:45
happened the last couple of years. It's
00:37:47
been the last couple of years really.
00:37:48
Yeah. Yeah. I mean I was so stuck in
00:37:51
victim mentality mindset for so long. I
00:37:54
to be honest you know that that's the
00:37:56
reality of it. I mean, it was just poor
00:37:58
me, poor me, the whole way. And, you
00:38:00
know, you guys don't know what I'm going
00:38:01
through. And
00:38:03
even with the Burns, you know, group and
00:38:06
all of that, as amazing as they are, I
00:38:08
mean, I was a person that would do well
00:38:10
in those moments and stay in there. But
00:38:13
then, as soon as I was out of it, cuz I
00:38:15
was running businesses and stuff, too. I
00:38:16
jumped back on a machine, cherry picker,
00:38:18
run our own one. Me and my father, we
00:38:21
had our own machines by that stage and
00:38:24
being contractors ourselves instead just
00:38:26
working for someone. And um that's what
00:38:32
there was depression in there too cuz
00:38:34
it's business, right? Stress with
00:38:36
business. You know how it is. It's
00:38:37
running a business can be very if you're
00:38:39
if you're not uh if your mindset's not
00:38:42
right and it's not strong, you know,
00:38:43
it's very hard to manage all of that.
00:38:45
Um, so I think it was the last couple of
00:38:48
years I realized that I need to start
00:38:51
changing my ways. And yeah, the more I
00:38:54
started learning about psychology, I
00:38:55
suppose, not psychology, but just how
00:38:57
the brain works and trauma,
00:39:00
overcoming trauma, the more I started
00:39:03
realizing all of that sort of stuff, the
00:39:04
more I realized, okay,
00:39:07
I need to start being grateful for where
00:39:09
I am. I need to start being, you know,
00:39:11
proud of myself. and pretty much the
00:39:14
last couple of years, man, since I've
00:39:15
started doing podcasts and presentations
00:39:17
and Yeah. Yeah. And like with what
00:39:21
you've been through, you'd be perfectly
00:39:23
entitled and uh you know, no one no one
00:39:26
could argue that you're you're okay to
00:39:28
play a victim if you want, but it's not
00:39:30
serving it's wasn't serving you, right?
00:39:32
No. No. I was just riding the train is
00:39:35
pretty much what it was. And some people
00:39:37
that I know that have been burnt or real
00:39:39
massive trauma, the burnt uh not burnt,
00:39:42
sorry, that they've ridden the train for
00:39:44
the last 10, 20, 30 years, whatever it
00:39:46
is. And like I said, like you like you
00:39:49
said, sorry, you're entitled to it. I
00:39:51
mean, look, look what's happened. You
00:39:53
got every right to feel like that. But I
00:39:55
had to get over myself and realize that,
00:39:58
hey, you know, I got a daughter here. I
00:39:59
need to support her. I need to get her
00:40:01
going for my life uh to to make her life
00:40:05
better. She's a miracle to begin with.
00:40:07
So, hey, come on. Let's turn this into
00:40:09
real success. Yeah. And it's not even
00:40:11
financial. It's just more mental mental
00:40:13
wealth, you know? So, yeah. [ __ ] Yeah,
00:40:16
bro. That [ __ ] That's powerful stuff.
00:40:21
But you you you knew that people loved
00:40:24
like you you were judging yourself
00:40:25
harshly, but I mean you still had your
00:40:26
your your massive massive faro support
00:40:28
in hospital. [ __ ] You even picked up in
00:40:30
hospital.
00:40:32
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. As soon as you could
00:40:34
get your movement on your fingers back,
00:40:35
are you swiping? That that was some pure
00:40:37
luck. Yeah. I mean, I had hundreds of
00:40:40
messages at the time and I thought I
00:40:42
flick through and Oh,
00:40:45
who's this one? And then I remember see
00:40:47
your new priorities in order. Oh, yeah.
00:40:50
Yep. Oh, Jack went up real quick. Uncle
00:40:54
Jack.
00:40:55
Yeah. So, Oh, yeah. I remember her.
00:40:59
And then yeah, you know, yeah, I won't
00:41:02
say too much into I won't go too much
00:41:04
into it, but it was enough to sort of
00:41:06
get me uh that uplift spirit. Okay, got
00:41:09
something to go for now. And yeah. Oh,
00:41:12
good little So was that a a hospital
00:41:15
hookup? Well, you could say that. Yeah,
00:41:17
you put the curtain around. My my dear
00:41:19
friend of mine, Richard, uh and Vivian,
00:41:22
um they came in with a phone and you
00:41:24
know, they said to me, "Hey, is there
00:41:26
anything you need?" and we're going to
00:41:28
get you a phone. We're going to chuck a
00:41:29
few hundred bucks credit on there for
00:41:30
you so you can ring your family and all
00:41:32
this and that. I was and I was grateful
00:41:34
for that, you know. I was so grateful
00:41:35
for that. And I was doing all the phone
00:41:38
calls. It was great, you know. It
00:41:39
actually uplifted my spirits a lot. And
00:41:42
then I went on my Facebook and then I
00:41:44
realized, holy [ __ ] there's like
00:41:46
hundreds of messages, you know, from all
00:41:48
my friends and family and all that that
00:41:49
were just like, "Fuck, man. I hope
00:41:51
you're okay." Blah, blah, blah. And then
00:41:53
yeah, that that one sort of scroll
00:41:56
scroll. I messaged a lot of them back,
00:41:58
don't get me wrong, but yeah, then Oh,
00:42:00
who's this one? Click in, click in. Oh,
00:42:04
yeah. Terrible, man. Such a Well, you
00:42:07
you were still this 22y old kid.
00:42:09
Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And I just
00:42:10
testosterone. I just wanted love. Yeah.
00:42:13
You know, just wanted to feel loved.
00:42:14
Validation, I suppose. Yeah, exactly.
00:42:17
So, um Yeah. any any good memories of
00:42:21
your time in hospital? Yeah, there were
00:42:23
lots. There were lots, man. There were
00:42:24
lots. I mean, first time that I used to
00:42:26
that I went out into walking. Um, this
00:42:31
lady, Heather, took me in, she was one
00:42:32
of the nurses and she actually got me
00:42:34
out of my darkness because I was in such
00:42:37
a dark state at that time. And she's
00:42:39
like, Troy, you need to like really like
00:42:41
these nurses don't even want to come in
00:42:42
and, you know, serve you. And, you know,
00:42:44
because I was such an angry person. I
00:42:46
was so angry. I was swearing the place
00:42:48
down. And
00:42:51
I ended up having my cry and everything
00:42:53
about it. And then I realized, okay,
00:42:55
I've got to be nice to these people cuz
00:42:57
they are. They're just there to help.
00:42:58
They don't know what, you know, they
00:42:59
can't understand what you're going
00:43:01
through, but you can't treat us like
00:43:03
this. You know, it's just not going to,
00:43:04
you know, no one will want to come in
00:43:06
and help you. And so when I finally did
00:43:08
start going to the other side and being
00:43:10
nice and I'm so sorry for, you know, how
00:43:12
I was and how I am and then everyone was
00:43:15
nice to me and so I felt good. So, she
00:43:18
took me on my first trip out to the
00:43:20
warehouse to get some clothes. And yeah,
00:43:23
that was actually a real proud moment of
00:43:25
mine cuz I actually went out and I took
00:43:28
some, you know, walked around into the
00:43:30
warehouse. Obviously, everyone was
00:43:31
staring cuz I just had holes every big
00:43:34
massive bandages and Oh, who? Just kids
00:43:37
or kids and adults? Oh, everyone. Yeah,
00:43:39
everyone. Yeah. cuz cuz it was packed,
00:43:42
you know, the whole warehouse was packed
00:43:44
and I could barely walk and I was just
00:43:47
walking through and yeah, I'll get that.
00:43:49
And the amount of energy, like I said,
00:43:51
it was like a marathon. I slept like for
00:43:53
a day and a half after I came back. Um,
00:43:56
and we sat down and had a a coffee and
00:43:59
yeah, that was really cool. That was a
00:44:00
really proud moment of mine that I done.
00:44:02
And when I went down to Wellington,
00:44:05
um, lots of friends and family always
00:44:07
turning up. my brother turned up and in
00:44:10
and wau at one stage and just those sort
00:44:12
of moments and and obviously Richard and
00:44:14
Viv they were a big part of my life at
00:44:17
that stage that were always coming in
00:44:18
and also oh man I feel so bad but I
00:44:21
can't remember MV MV was his name he
00:44:24
used to come in cuz he was a burn
00:44:25
survivor he was one of the ones that um
00:44:27
was in the fire when Hamilton when they
00:44:31
the explosion um oh fruit packing
00:44:33
factory or something yeah it was
00:44:35
something like that and they opened the
00:44:36
door up and boom and you know
00:44:37
unfortunately his boss died but he did
00:44:39
it and um he came in a lot as well like
00:44:43
every week and you know that's a guy I
00:44:45
need to catch up with actually sorry
00:44:47
this is how I talk but yeah he's a guy
00:44:50
that I feel was um uplifted my spirits
00:44:53
as well so there was a lot of good
00:44:55
moments a lot of good times yeah
00:44:59
I heard you say um the accident taught
00:45:01
you self-care and selfrespect
00:45:04
the accident yeah I think the accident
00:45:06
or maybe just the whole experience the
00:45:08
whole experience I think. Yeah. I mean,
00:45:10
the accident just taught me to like,
00:45:12
bro, what were you doing? But it's all
00:45:15
about attitude, right? Back in those
00:45:16
days,
00:45:18
the car crash that happened, the amount
00:45:20
of times that I'd been involved in
00:45:22
situations that I probably shouldn't
00:45:24
have and we came out the other end and
00:45:26
in that world, you know, um I was
00:45:30
untouchable. You just can't dwell on
00:45:31
these these um these things and you know
00:45:34
just like sit there and you know sit
00:45:37
with the mistake like the the only way
00:45:38
is forward. You can't go back. That's
00:45:41
right man. And and I suppose that's what
00:45:43
it was right. That's why nowadays with
00:45:45
the attitude adjustment that I'm trying
00:45:47
to have I'm realizing it is important.
00:45:50
It's important to not look back and look
00:45:53
forward.
00:45:54
Yeah.
00:45:56
What are some everyday things that you
00:45:58
still struggle with that the rest of us
00:45:59
might take for granted?
00:46:05
Interesting. Um I think
00:46:08
so you got full movement, full range of
00:46:10
movement. Yeah. I mean, you know, I
00:46:12
can't I can't move any of the stuff, you
00:46:14
know. I can only go certain can't go
00:46:16
back. Can't do any sort of movements in
00:46:19
terms of with the arms especially.
00:46:22
Um
00:46:25
yeah, really it's just yeah a lot of
00:46:28
physical Yeah, physical stuff, physical
00:46:30
inabilities at times.
00:46:34
But yeah, I mean
00:46:36
even even tying my shoelaces and doing
00:46:38
all those basic things, it hurts. I
00:46:40
mean, just getting down cuz I want to do
00:46:42
like, you know, get fit ass and do
00:46:44
burpees and stuff, but just even getting
00:46:46
down doing all that sort of stuff. gym
00:46:48
workouts really, you know, um even
00:46:51
though not everybody goes to the gym,
00:46:52
but if they could, if they wanted to,
00:46:55
then they can do everything that I can't
00:46:57
really, you know. So, there's a lot of
00:46:59
that aspect. I haven't really thought
00:47:01
about it to be honest because I don't
00:47:03
use as an excuse the majority of the
00:47:05
time. I mean, I still play league in the
00:47:06
masters for Fitzy Tada. So, you know, um
00:47:10
blinding my left eye can be a bit of a
00:47:12
frustration at times cuz especially when
00:47:15
you're playing league and stuff, you
00:47:16
can't see anyone coming from the side
00:47:17
and take you out or you drop the ball
00:47:20
and oh, let the team down. Oh, butter
00:47:22
fingers over here. [ __ ] Don't pass it
00:47:24
to him. We just pass to you from the
00:47:28
right hand side. Yeah. A doesn't matter.
00:47:32
[ __ ] cabbage at times. It's because
00:47:34
of fatigue, you know. So, yeah. I'm not
00:47:37
too sure. Um yeah, maybe maybe even
00:47:40
cardio. Cardio is quite a hard thing for
00:47:42
me to always constantly um run for long
00:47:46
periods of time. Why? So do you do you
00:47:49
sweat through this? No, I sweat just
00:47:52
here. Just in the head. I mean I got no
00:47:53
sweat glands or nothing. So nothing
00:47:55
sweats underneath. It's probably
00:47:57
probably good actually cuz back in the
00:47:59
day I used to have the mass bo. So it
00:48:01
was pretty bad
00:48:03
in the day. Oh, dripping. You know, the
00:48:06
old links edge, you know.
00:48:09
Yeah. How do you how do you feel about
00:48:11
your body now? Like when you stand in
00:48:12
front of the mirror like Yeah. What do
00:48:14
you say? I don't I don't do it enough. I
00:48:16
need to do it more often. Yeah. Uh I
00:48:19
don't do it. I mean, I need to and be
00:48:21
proud of myself. And
00:48:25
I'm still stuck in that victim mentality
00:48:27
mindset when it comes to that stuff.
00:48:29
Like looking in the mirror, I don't like
00:48:30
what I see back at the moment.
00:48:33
Yeah. Yeah, it's just it's a hard one to
00:48:35
explain cuz I am I am proud of myself
00:48:37
and I do look some days I go, "Oh yeah,
00:48:39
yeah, you're actually looking good,
00:48:40
bro." But most days um yeah, I don't
00:48:44
know. I just
00:48:47
expectations maybe, you know, just just
00:48:49
that stuck in the old ways and that's
00:48:53
why I'm working on getting better at it
00:48:55
and and it's going to take time. like
00:48:57
it's taken 13 years already, but I must
00:48:59
admit it's only been the last couple of
00:49:01
years that I've finally really like no
00:49:04
excuses, you know? I I don't want to
00:49:06
have any excuses of
00:49:09
mate, people are inspired by you. People
00:49:11
are proud of you, people are this,
00:49:12
people are that. So So you should be
00:49:14
like that towards yourself and stop
00:49:15
being so hard on yourself. And the
00:49:16
amount of people that tell me that,
00:49:19
it's it's it's finally coming through.
00:49:22
It is. It's inspirational, Troy. It
00:49:25
really is. How how did we connect? I
00:49:27
think I read about you somewhere. Did I
00:49:28
Did I friend you on Instagram? No, it
00:49:31
was I think it was the Latelli David
00:49:33
Latelli. Um it must have been because it
00:49:35
happened not long after he posted cuz I
00:49:37
was on the butterbean motivation
00:49:40
um app and all I done was obviously I
00:49:42
wasn't trying to lose weight or nothing
00:49:44
but it was more about a mindset thing
00:49:45
and that's why I put the post up just to
00:49:48
encourage people to just hey guys you
00:49:49
know this is my journey and what I
00:49:52
believe is important which is attitude
00:49:54
and just never give up and always have
00:49:56
good people around you all of that. That
00:49:58
post was what he seen and then he posted
00:50:01
on his page and then I think that's
00:50:03
where you seen it because because I
00:50:04
think you're tied in with him. Yeah. I
00:50:06
love Dave. Yeah. He's a great guy. He's
00:50:08
a great guy. Does so much for so many.
00:50:10
That's right. That's right. So So the um
00:50:12
the scarring where is it? Everywhere.
00:50:14
Front and back. Yeah. It's um pretty
00:50:15
much all my whole body. Um you got a
00:50:18
little bit like a normal skin there and
00:50:20
then skin here and stuff. But that's how
00:50:22
thick our skin is, right? You know, so
00:50:24
that's the difference cuz there's
00:50:25
nothing there. And then that's all
00:50:27
that's your seven layers, you know. So,
00:50:29
six, seven layers, whatever it is. And
00:50:31
so, um, yeah, I mean, and my legs got a
00:50:35
bit on my legs here. Uh, got no ass.
00:50:39
That was the first strike. Went through
00:50:41
there, came out there. So, lucky.
00:50:44
Came out the ass, bro. Oh, god. If only
00:50:46
someone had on video. Oh, mate. Yeah.
00:50:49
But So, it literally went like right
00:50:51
through your W bang bang.
00:50:54
And then the second one went bang bang.
00:50:56
So see the circle there? That's that's
00:50:58
where it came out. The second one. So
00:51:00
wait, you you say no ass. What do you
00:51:01
What do you mean?
00:51:04
So it exploded the whole [ __ ] thing,
00:51:06
mate. Yeah. So have you got like a like
00:51:08
a a colostomy bag? Yeah. Oh, no. No, not
00:51:11
a bag. No. No. So you've still got like
00:51:12
um it's it's it's How would you say it?
00:51:15
Um
00:51:16
there's no cheeks. It's just like a
00:51:19
buttock. Yeah. No buttocks. Where do
00:51:21
they do the skin grafting from? legs or
00:51:24
No, I think what they done is they
00:51:25
thinged it on my back and they just
00:51:27
flopped it down and just, you know,
00:51:29
Yeah. Let's just say it's not a
00:51:31
convenient manner in the toilet these
00:51:33
days.
00:51:36
So, that's Oh, that's probably something
00:51:37
that Yeah. the genuine everyday person
00:51:40
don't need to worry about. Yeah. You
00:51:42
What do you What do you mean? Can you
00:51:43
elaborate on that or not? I don't really
00:51:45
No. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. People are
00:51:47
like, "Oh,
00:51:50
yeah. It's um Yeah, it's just a
00:51:52
different way of having to wipe it.
00:51:56
Yeah. Okay. Enough said. Enough said.
00:52:00
Well, thanks for being so open about
00:52:01
this. What What would you like um like
00:52:04
anyone that's listening to this or
00:52:05
watching to watching this? Like what
00:52:06
what should we know about burn
00:52:08
survivors?
00:52:11
It's all about like the insecurities
00:52:13
that a burn survivor already has about
00:52:15
themselves. And I mean people are just
00:52:18
staring out of curiosity a majority of
00:52:20
the time. You know I know that but at
00:52:22
times it can be quite intimidating.
00:52:26
Um and I suppose the thing that I do say
00:52:29
is that you know it can happen to
00:52:31
anyone. You know for me personally
00:52:35
overcoming
00:52:37
all of this has been a a definite
00:52:40
journey
00:52:41
and we've all got issues. We've all got
00:52:43
problems. We've all got stories that I
00:52:45
believe is
00:52:48
very traumatic. You know, it's just a
00:52:49
lot of people hide behind the mask. See,
00:52:51
mine is visual, so that's the
00:52:52
difference. You can see mine. A lot of
00:52:55
people you can't see. And so, I think I
00:52:57
I think really what it's about is just
00:53:00
be kind to each other. Um, always work
00:53:03
on
00:53:04
having a good attitude, gratitude
00:53:08
having a good circle of people around
00:53:10
you that uplift you and, you know,
00:53:12
always motivate you to be the better
00:53:13
version of yourself as opposed to
00:53:16
putting you down when you do something
00:53:17
wrong or laughing because there's a lot
00:53:19
of that going on these days, especially
00:53:21
social media and and all that sort of
00:53:23
thing. So, I think personally it's it's
00:53:25
highly important to just have a good
00:53:27
attitude. M um it's something that I
00:53:30
encourage in my conferences and health
00:53:33
and safety presentations that I do these
00:53:35
days. It's just to attitude is
00:53:38
everything. That's pretty much my main
00:53:40
three words. And I realize that when
00:53:43
I've had a better attitude, I look at
00:53:45
things differently. If a problem comes,
00:53:47
I look at it like, okay, it's not a
00:53:50
problem. There's the solution to the
00:53:51
problem. and people that I've been
00:53:53
around um come and gone throughout the
00:53:56
years, they've given me encouragement.
00:53:58
They've given me um advice to be where I
00:54:01
am today to take the knowledge in and
00:54:05
just realize that if you're always
00:54:07
looking to grow, it's never ending, you
00:54:09
know, it's never ending progression.
00:54:10
There's always something new to learn.
00:54:12
There's always new things to learn from
00:54:14
other people and
00:54:17
just be around good people. M that's
00:54:19
pretty much really where I'm sort of at
00:54:21
nowadays is I've got to be around good
00:54:23
people at all times to keep my mind
00:54:26
focused on the positives as opposed to
00:54:28
the negatives of of everything. Yeah,
00:54:30
that's true. It's like you something you
00:54:31
said before, we sort of touched upon
00:54:32
this. It's like you are the product of
00:54:34
the four people you spend most time
00:54:35
with. So if you're hanging out with four
00:54:37
vapor, you're going to be number five.
00:54:39
You hang out with four pot smokers,
00:54:40
you're going to be number five. If
00:54:42
you're hanging out with four uh people
00:54:44
that go to the gym every day and have a
00:54:45
growth mindset, you're going to be
00:54:47
number five as well. Exactly, man.
00:54:49
Exactly. Well, when you're in hospital,
00:54:50
did um did any of your old um you know,
00:54:52
sort of like your gang mates come and
00:54:55
visit you? Of course. Of course. I mean,
00:54:56
that was during the whole, you know, I
00:54:59
got to be honest, like that was probably
00:55:01
a big reason as to why I survived too.
00:55:02
The amount of people that turned up at
00:55:04
the middle more like everyone had to get
00:55:06
turned away and taken. It was just too
00:55:08
many. So it was something I probably
00:55:10
believe at that time spiritually you
00:55:12
know cuz I was unconscious throughout
00:55:14
the whole time but I probably seen all
00:55:16
that and then going wow [ __ ] people do
00:55:19
care and yeah cuz that whole time I
00:55:20
thought no one cared and I was stuck in
00:55:23
that victim mentality again you know so
00:55:25
it was maybe during those periods that's
00:55:27
why I survived as well you know it
00:55:29
wasn't just youth wasn't just my
00:55:30
physical
00:55:32
um form at that time and you know even
00:55:34
just the warrior could have been all
00:55:36
that too who knows
00:55:38
But it was just as time went on and I
00:55:41
started realizing and and and realizing
00:55:43
that man like we're just not on the same
00:55:45
page anymore. Like we just don't relate
00:55:47
like we used to. And a lot of that's cuz
00:55:49
I've grown into a different person. And
00:55:52
I want to find positive people, not
00:55:54
people that are always blaming others or
00:55:57
blaming their their background or their
00:56:00
childhood or whatever it was that
00:56:02
they're using to justify their actions
00:56:05
of doing negative or like very serious
00:56:08
crimes. And yeah, I I suppose I had to
00:56:11
get myself away from it because like you
00:56:13
said, you're you're top four, top five.
00:56:15
It's just that's exactly what was
00:56:16
happening. I was stuck in that mindset,
00:56:18
too. So yeah, the brain's incredible.
00:56:21
Like you can come up with any you can
00:56:23
you can convince yourself or come up
00:56:24
with any narrative you want, you know,
00:56:26
and it'll be believable and no one can
00:56:28
hold it against you if you wanted to be
00:56:29
angry and bitter with the world, but
00:56:31
it's not going to Yeah. It's not going
00:56:33
to serve the world world any good and
00:56:34
it's not going to serve you any good in
00:56:36
particular. Yeah. Well, well, the way I
00:56:38
look at it too is that you can focus on
00:56:40
yourself, right? So you can focus on
00:56:42
what you do but you can't focus what's
00:56:44
outside you know um other people your
00:56:47
family you know friends that you really
00:56:49
want to change but they just don't want
00:56:51
to and and I used to get really um
00:56:53
invested in it and it used to really
00:56:56
hurt me or used to get I used to get
00:56:58
really emotionally involved and it used
00:57:00
to annoy me so since I've let it all go
00:57:03
and realized no no it's something I
00:57:05
can't control it's out of my control
00:57:07
like I can't focus there I have to focus
00:57:09
here since I've been doing that which is
00:57:10
the last year or two especially I've
00:57:13
realized that it's
00:57:16
life is getting a lot better like it
00:57:19
it's it's becoming a lot more I get a
00:57:21
lot more courage to do these sort of
00:57:23
things cuz I get [ __ ] scared of all this
00:57:25
stuff like anxious and you know I'm a
00:57:27
god like you know I don't want people to
00:57:29
judge me and whatever it is the old
00:57:31
school mentality that I had so
00:57:34
yeah it's just been it's been a lot of
00:57:37
growing and there's been a lot of
00:57:38
lessons learned and I'm still learning
00:57:40
to this today. Um, but all in all, I've
00:57:44
got to be proud of where I am at this
00:57:46
stage in my life. Bro, you should be so
00:57:48
proud. Um, that makes it um makes me all
00:57:50
all the more stoked that you wore like a
00:57:52
a tank top in here today. Yeah, I done
00:57:54
it intentionally. I did. Yep, I did.
00:57:56
Yeah, cuz I mean, if you were covered
00:57:58
from um Yeah. like neck neck down, no
00:58:02
one would know there's there's anything
00:58:03
wrong with you. And that's how I wanted
00:58:05
it for the first 10 11 years cuz it was
00:58:08
easy to hide, you know. Um, but yeah,
00:58:11
that that's the thing. Like nowadays I
00:58:12
have to do it not just to show people,
00:58:14
but just to show myself, you know, that
00:58:16
hey, you're not scared anymore, Troy.
00:58:18
You're not scared anymore. And and I'm
00:58:21
not I'm not scared anymore. But how do
00:58:23
you mean scared? Scared of people
00:58:25
looking and staring and, you know, cuz
00:58:27
they do. I mean, to this day, I see it
00:58:29
all the time. You know, I might only
00:58:30
have one eye, but I can still see
00:58:32
people. Yeah. I can still see you guys.
00:58:35
That's what I say. Half you guys. I can
00:58:36
see half of you guys. Yeah. especially
00:58:39
to my right. You know, I can see you
00:58:41
still staring and some of some of them
00:58:43
are terrible. They're just standing and
00:58:45
following like, "Oh my god." Could you
00:58:48
be any more obvious? What do you do? How
00:58:49
do you handle it? I I I just carry on
00:58:51
walking. I mean, see, this is what I
00:58:54
mean. I I know some burn survivors that
00:58:55
are amazing. Like, cuz I walk up, hey,
00:58:58
you know, do you want to know what
00:58:59
happened or you know, and I'm like, "Oh,
00:59:02
I just don't have the courage to do that
00:59:04
yet cuz it's anger still. I've got to
00:59:06
get over that." Yeah, I've still got a
00:59:08
lot of anger inside of me. People might
00:59:10
not think that because I, you know,
00:59:12
showcase, but deep down inside there's
00:59:14
still a lot of anger. Um, I get it. It'd
00:59:17
be [ __ ] frustrating. It It is a
00:59:19
little bit, you know, especially if it's
00:59:20
women and and all that, right? So, yeah,
00:59:22
it piss me off. It does. And it's like,
00:59:24
you know, can you just come and ask me
00:59:26
like what happened maybe or just don't
00:59:28
stand there and stare or point or like
00:59:30
it's just all of that. It's it's a bit
00:59:32
frustrating. Kids, I don't mind. Kids
00:59:35
are okay. They don't know. They've got
00:59:36
no filters. I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah.
00:59:39
What What about your daughter? Like if
00:59:40
she brings like How old is your daughter
00:59:42
now? She's 11. Yeah. Yeah. So, I say
00:59:45
she's at intermediate age now. So, so
00:59:47
when she was younger, like when when
00:59:49
Yeah. How how was the She obviously grew
00:59:51
grew up with that. So, that's all she
00:59:52
knew. But what about when she brought
00:59:53
friends home? And Well, I mean, you
00:59:56
know, like all she would notice is when
00:59:57
I'm in um like we're in a big heavy
01:00:00
populated area, you know, when she was
01:00:02
younger anyway. Not so much now cuz
01:00:03
she's used to it, but she would always
01:00:05
go, "Dad, everyone's staring at you."
01:00:07
And I'm like, "Honey, it's all good.
01:00:09
Don't worry about it. I don't like it."
01:00:12
And I'm like, "It's all good, honey.
01:00:13
Don't worry about it." But see, that's
01:00:15
exactly what I knew. I knew it in my
01:00:17
head. I knew that that's what was
01:00:19
happening. Like I said, even though I
01:00:20
only had half vision, but I knew you
01:00:23
It's almost like you can feel the energy
01:00:25
of eyes staring.
01:00:27
And
01:00:29
you know, maybe you know, a friend of
01:00:31
mine had a really good outlook on it,
01:00:32
you know, good analogy. He's like,
01:00:33
"Mate, they're just curious, you know,
01:00:35
they're just curious.
01:00:38
If if you were walk to walk over to
01:00:40
them, they would have went, "Oh, I'm so
01:00:41
sorry." No, I'm just wondering what
01:00:42
happened. You know, and I've done it a
01:00:44
couple of times.
01:00:46
And I'm going, "Hey, mate. How's it
01:00:47
going?" Oh, oh, good mate. Good. Good.
01:00:50
Hey, if you don't mind me asking you
01:00:52
cuz, you know, so I've got to be that
01:00:54
person. See, I must feel dark energy as
01:00:56
well. Maybe to some people that's why
01:00:58
they don't want to come and ask cuz they
01:01:00
feel that I'm going to snap at them and
01:01:03
and I I'm an angry person, right? So,
01:01:05
not deep down, not not not sorry, not on
01:01:08
the outside, but deep down I am. And
01:01:10
maybe they can feel that. So, they don't
01:01:12
want to ask cuz they feel that it's
01:01:15
gonna, you know. Yeah. That's [ __ ]
01:01:18
heartbreaking about your daughter. thing
01:01:20
about her, even though she she's young,
01:01:23
just being, you know, being aware that's
01:01:25
how blatant it is. Yeah, that sucks. It
01:01:27
does suck. It does. But hey, you know,
01:01:29
um
01:01:31
it's why the kids camp was quite good at
01:01:33
one stage cuz there's some kids that are
01:01:34
fully severely burnt head to toe. So,
01:01:37
it's you and God, it used to annoy me
01:01:39
cuz we're walking in a big group and one
01:01:43
guy, one young follower in particular
01:01:46
and and it's grown people. Like, that's
01:01:48
what really annoys me. It's like older
01:01:50
people and it's like, you know, some of
01:01:51
them are in their 50s, you could tell
01:01:53
and they're staring like and it just
01:01:55
really But that's just a negative me,
01:01:58
right? I've just got to realize that,
01:01:59
hey, you know, people are people,
01:02:02
they're probably curious. They're
01:02:04
probably, oh my god, what happened to
01:02:06
him? But to me, it looks like a look of
01:02:08
like, ooh, you know, and that's probably
01:02:10
the negative
01:02:12
outlook on myself where it's not like
01:02:15
that. It's they're just curious. Yeah.
01:02:17
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and and
01:02:18
they're just like, "Oh, you poor thing."
01:02:20
Or whatever. But I suppose it's just
01:02:22
it's
01:02:24
that's just how it is for me, you know.
01:02:25
I'm just still I'm transitioning, you
01:02:28
know? It's going to take time for me to
01:02:29
lot to deal with. Yeah. What is your
01:02:32
relationship with um like therapy? Have
01:02:34
you like Have you had like professional
01:02:36
therapy or anything? Like like you mean
01:02:38
psychology, psych psychiatrists and
01:02:40
stuff? Um the the only problem with them
01:02:42
was they were always turning to me to
01:02:44
take a pill and and that's just not me,
01:02:47
you know, personally. I know that that
01:02:49
was probably the best thing to do at
01:02:50
those times because they thought you
01:02:52
were clear. Yeah. Anti-depressants and
01:02:54
stuff. And as soon as I heard that, no,
01:02:56
I don't I don't even want to talk to
01:02:57
anyone cuz I cuz I'll let everything
01:02:59
out. And that was the problem, right?
01:03:02
Cuz it was it was mass depression.
01:03:05
There's no easier way to explain it
01:03:06
apart from just depression and I just
01:03:09
hated life and this and that and
01:03:10
anti-depressants probably would have
01:03:12
worked, but it just I've seen so too
01:03:15
many of my friends and family go down
01:03:16
that path and then they can't get off
01:03:18
them and then it's just even worse. It's
01:03:20
it's a drug addiction. That's my my
01:03:22
thoughts on it. Um and I just overcome
01:03:25
meth addiction and you know it's the
01:03:27
last thing I wanted to do is take
01:03:29
another drug. You introduce something
01:03:31
new just Exactly. Exactly. What about um
01:03:34
PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder?
01:03:37
Yeah. What's your relationship like with
01:03:39
that? I haven't studied it, so I can't
01:03:41
tell you exactly.
01:03:43
Probably got it probably probably
01:03:45
diagnosed massively. Probably got it
01:03:47
mass. I don't know. But I I mean, it's
01:03:52
probably enough to be like, "Yeah, I've
01:03:54
got it."
01:03:58
a friend of mine like a Richard the guy
01:04:00
I was talking about earlier he's got it
01:04:02
through his war times you know when he
01:04:04
was a colonel in the South African army
01:04:05
and he knows he's got it and it I can't
01:04:08
say I have flashbacks of like the day or
01:04:11
anything know it's just and even during
01:04:14
the recovery process cuz cuz I'm pretty
01:04:16
good at blacking things out you know I
01:04:18
can just shut it out and not worry about
01:04:21
uh you know yeah I don't go back to my
01:04:24
darkest moments if that's the word for
01:04:26
it. So maybe I've got a strong mindset
01:04:28
for that because if I went back to those
01:04:30
times I'm just going to put myself into
01:04:33
a big whirlwind of darkness and I'm
01:04:36
scared I'll never get out of it. So I
01:04:38
think it's that negative cycle. Yes.
01:04:41
It's like sitting in front of you today
01:04:42
like we've been chatting for an hour
01:04:43
now. Like it seems to me like I would
01:04:45
think this guy's this this guy's done a
01:04:47
lot of work to get where he is today.
01:04:48
But it feels like you've just done it
01:04:50
all sort of internally.
01:04:52
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I can't say that
01:04:54
I've gone out and you know I I've just
01:04:57
I've listened to people like the Tony
01:04:59
Robbins and all that sort of stuff and
01:05:01
I've got really good friends of mine who
01:05:03
are NLP got NLP degrees and my mate
01:05:06
Shane up in Tonga and he was the first
01:05:09
one to sort of introduce me into going
01:05:10
into this path of like finding yourself
01:05:14
and you know and Tony Robbins was the
01:05:16
first guy really to sort of make me
01:05:19
think about it at least and then
01:05:22
you know say again a bit deeper and bit
01:05:24
deeper and then I'll go backwards and
01:05:25
then I'll come back and you know so it's
01:05:27
been up and down the last 5 years but
01:05:30
the last two I've finally just got to a
01:05:32
stage where I've realized like no this
01:05:34
is this is the best path look at the
01:05:37
people you've met since look at the
01:05:40
opportunities that have opened up since
01:05:42
look at the people that want to talk
01:05:44
about it or talk to you about it like
01:05:45
yourself and you know he's listen to you
01:05:47
on the the edge radio you know you and
01:05:49
JJ and that and it was just it was cool
01:05:51
like to get to talk to people like
01:05:53
yourselves and and then Dave, I've been
01:05:54
following him the last couple of years
01:05:56
and his progress and what he's been up
01:05:58
to. So I think I look at it now in a lot
01:06:01
better positive aspect of hey look at
01:06:04
all the things that have opened up since
01:06:06
you've been to the darkness. Yeah, it's
01:06:08
definitely a journey I would never wish
01:06:10
upon anyone in order to find themselves
01:06:12
and get to this level or to this stage.
01:06:14
But you know um when you have a when you
01:06:17
always go to the new level there's
01:06:19
always new devils. So that's the way I
01:06:20
look at things is this is all the new
01:06:23
level for me, right? But overcoming
01:06:26
my self-consciousness to myself that I
01:06:29
can do this and I can talk to people
01:06:31
like yourselves and confidence and talk
01:06:33
about my story and confidence,
01:06:36
you know. Yeah, I'm still challenging
01:06:38
myself to that cuz yeah, like I say, I
01:06:41
set standards too high and a lot of
01:06:43
people tell me I'm too hard on myself
01:06:44
and
01:06:46
but yeah, to to a degree that's probably
01:06:48
got me to where I am today anyway with
01:06:50
having this high standard, you know.
01:06:52
Yeah, having like um I don't know like
01:06:54
an extreme growth mindset or
01:06:56
perfectionism complex or whatever you
01:06:58
want to call it. It's a blessing and a
01:06:59
curse. It's exhausting. It is. It is cuz
01:07:02
you climb a mountain and then it's like,
01:07:03
"Oh [ __ ] no, there's another mountain."
01:07:04
Exactly. Um, what was that saying before
01:07:06
about levels and devils? So, new levels,
01:07:08
new devils, you know, I just sort of
01:07:10
look at it like I'm always trying to
01:07:12
progress to the new level, right? But
01:07:14
then I'm facing something that is
01:07:18
and it's it's very uncomfortable. It's
01:07:19
it's an uncomfortable feeling. It's
01:07:21
something that I don't want to do, but I
01:07:23
know I have to do it in order to grow
01:07:25
and get to that new level. So, I Yeah, I
01:07:28
heard it once and I was like, "Oh,
01:07:29
that's a cool one. I like that. New
01:07:30
levels, new devils." I love um I love a
01:07:32
good quote e I'm a quote dispenser. Are
01:07:35
you? Yeah, I I need to take them more
01:07:37
take them in more. But yeah, it's good
01:07:39
for speaking. Yeah, you're good for your
01:07:41
keynotes. Yeah, we'll use that one.
01:07:43
Yeah. Yeah. Um um maybe not necessarily
01:07:47
like um identical to what you went
01:07:48
through, but what advice would you give
01:07:49
someone going through a traumatic
01:07:50
experience? Reach out. reach out to
01:07:54
reach out to anybody that is willing to
01:07:57
not so much listen but
01:08:00
if you don't have a good environment of
01:08:01
people around you you need to go and
01:08:03
reach out to people that you might not
01:08:06
know at all or you know it could be um
01:08:09
counselors it could be all of that sort
01:08:11
of stuff especially if you don't want to
01:08:12
talk to the people around you because
01:08:14
they might not be the right people to
01:08:15
talk to at that time I just sort of look
01:08:17
at it like it's important to reach out
01:08:19
to others
01:08:21
about your issues and and and things
01:08:23
that you want to change. Um, always look
01:08:27
for information that's going to
01:08:30
make you better. I mean, if you know
01:08:32
you're struggling with trauma, like it
01:08:35
we got Google, we got YouTube, we got
01:08:37
all this stuff nowadays. We got
01:08:39
information at the palm of our hands to
01:08:40
be able to
01:08:43
like get the information, you know? How
01:08:46
do you deal with trauma? It It's as
01:08:48
simple as that. Like that's how I look
01:08:50
at it. That's all I done. M um how do I
01:08:53
become a better version of myself and
01:08:55
then
01:08:57
you know I mean chat GPT is there
01:08:59
nowadays simple and then you read it and
01:09:01
you're like uh yeah true I didn't think
01:09:04
of that I mean I do meditation these
01:09:06
days most mornings cold showers gym
01:09:12
um I run you know I do lots of walking
01:09:15
most of the time I do anything to keep
01:09:17
myself active because the mind
01:09:19
especially my mind is So it's going a
01:09:21
million miles an hour that if it's in
01:09:23
depression mode, the only way I can
01:09:25
overcome it is by running or just doing
01:09:27
something physical to keep my mind
01:09:28
focused and keep it away. So all I could
01:09:31
encourage people to do is reach out
01:09:33
first exercise
01:09:36
just just try and find a good
01:09:38
environment of people good support
01:09:40
network uh reach out to to any you know
01:09:43
and and don't be afraid to to take on
01:09:48
new challenges you know especially if
01:09:49
it's going to better yourself you know
01:09:51
taking that walk around the block or
01:09:54
um you know reaching out to a counselor
01:09:56
and speaking about the issues that you
01:09:58
have or you Just even talking to family,
01:10:01
man, that like family might be the worst
01:10:03
or they could be the best cuz they know
01:10:05
you better than you know yourself
01:10:07
sometimes. So if you talk to them about
01:10:09
it, then they might be able to give you
01:10:11
the advice. So
01:10:14
So the the the 20 I'm talking to now um
01:10:18
so 14 years say after the accident are
01:10:21
you um yeah how do you feel that it's
01:10:22
taken you 14 years to get to this point?
01:10:25
Like could you have accelerated the
01:10:27
process or do you think everything had
01:10:28
to happen? massive massively like I know
01:10:30
I know deep down that I could have
01:10:33
overcome this very quickly. I was stuck
01:10:36
in that victim mental and it was because
01:10:38
I never reached out you know I never
01:10:40
reached out and then and then even when
01:10:41
I did reach out and I was part of the
01:10:43
burn support group and that was great
01:10:44
but I was never continuing with it. It
01:10:47
was just little burst little burst
01:10:49
little burst. Oh yeah, feel good now.
01:10:50
I'm fine now. Carry on. And then boom,
01:10:53
hit another rock, hit another wall, hit
01:10:57
another mountain. And instead of
01:10:59
reaching out, I was just climbing it
01:11:01
myself. Now that's taught me resilience.
01:11:05
But the process could have been so much
01:11:07
quicker if I just reached out. That
01:11:09
that's what I know now is now that I do
01:11:12
reach out, you know, I sound like a
01:11:14
howling dog to my friends these days.
01:11:16
I've only got a couple of people, but
01:11:17
it's enough for them to go, "God,
01:11:19
another issue, Troy. Come on." But they
01:11:22
don't say that. But I know deep down
01:11:23
they think again. It's all good, Troy.
01:11:26
You know, it's um but you know, what's
01:11:28
your next best decision or whatever,
01:11:30
whatever. And it's, you know, it's good
01:11:32
things like that. It's good positive
01:11:33
attitudes. I've got a friend of mine,
01:11:35
Dave Ernie. He's he's a good man. He's a
01:11:37
good man. He he helps me. And I've had a
01:11:38
lot of really good friends, too, um in
01:11:40
the past that have got me to these next
01:11:42
levels of just acceptance and just being
01:11:47
positive. So, I've got to reach out to
01:11:49
the old circle that I had too in terms
01:11:51
of um my friend Shane and Richard and
01:11:54
all of them, but I just feel that yeah,
01:11:57
it's uh I'm still getting over that
01:12:00
feeling [ __ ] m feeling shy and
01:12:02
embarrassed and I haven't talked to you
01:12:03
for ages, but can I talk to you like I
01:12:06
used to? And they'll do it in a
01:12:08
heartbeat. I know that. But it's just my
01:12:10
that first step. Yeah. What's what's
01:12:13
your relationship like with
01:12:14
vulnerability? Like are you good at are
01:12:16
you good at talking about talking about
01:12:19
things like with Have you got a partner
01:12:20
at the moment or no? No. Or like you
01:12:23
your your tight group of friends like
01:12:24
are you good at talking about things and
01:12:26
communicating or No, you just sort of My
01:12:29
circle is pretty small nowadays. It's
01:12:31
quite small in terms of every day. Yes.
01:12:33
Yeah. I I think it's just because I know
01:12:35
what I want in terms of I I don't want
01:12:37
noise. Don't want negativity, toxic
01:12:40
people. So my daytoday life I only
01:12:43
really want to sort of but a lot of it
01:12:46
too you know talking about it is that
01:12:48
I've actually got an amazing circle of
01:12:51
friends and and support and faro and all
01:12:53
that but it's my own insecurities you
01:12:56
know it's just bringing people into the
01:12:59
circle and then being burnt you know not
01:13:01
not physically but you know what I mean
01:13:03
emotionally and metaphorically.
01:13:05
Metaphorically that's the word. Yeah.
01:13:07
And so, so, you know, you just, you're
01:13:09
just scared of bringing people in.
01:13:11
You're scared of bringing people in. Um,
01:13:13
the bro Nick, um, he sort of talks to
01:13:16
me. We talk every week about these sort
01:13:18
of things. Just
01:13:20
having values, having values in your
01:13:23
life. Mine is integrity, pride, um, and
01:13:27
knowledge. You know, these are some of
01:13:29
my values that are whole key now. And
01:13:31
it's hard to stick to these values at
01:13:33
times because you got to live your life
01:13:34
to it as well. you know, you want good
01:13:36
people with integrity in your life as
01:13:38
well, you know. So, there's all of those
01:13:40
sort of things that come into play, but
01:13:43
yeah, it's just the reaching out is is,
01:13:46
you know, I'm telling others to reach
01:13:48
out, yet I struggle at the best of times
01:13:49
doing it myself. So, I don't want to be
01:13:51
too hypocritical. No, but I think if you
01:13:53
can be aware of it, you know, it's
01:13:54
something that you need to work on. Yes.
01:13:56
Um, it's quite funny though, like on a
01:13:58
on a on a platform like this where um
01:14:01
thousands of people will hear it. You
01:14:02
know, you can sort of open up your one
01:14:04
anyway especially. But it's hard it's
01:14:06
hard to have these conversations
01:14:07
one-on-one with people that um that are
01:14:10
like, you know, rooting for you and want
01:14:11
you to succeed and have your they're in
01:14:13
your corner and they have your best
01:14:14
interest. It's [ __ ] that. It's probably
01:14:16
maybe it's Do you think it's like a
01:14:17
hangover from you like your upbringing
01:14:19
in the early years and staunch
01:14:21
mentality? It is. How old are you? What
01:14:22
are you? I'm 37 now. Yeah. Yes. I'm 52
01:14:25
and I still battle with it. Yeah. Yeah.
01:14:27
The vulnerability piece and just being
01:14:28
open about things. Yeah. I got walls up.
01:14:30
I think it's a generational thing. Yeah.
01:14:32
But but see, you must you must realize
01:14:34
too yourself, right? Going through, you
01:14:36
know, doing these podcasts and stuff,
01:14:37
you open up a bit more about yourself or
01:14:39
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I know I know
01:14:41
how important it is. Yes. Yeah. But it's
01:14:43
still, you know, that vulnerability is a
01:14:44
strength and not a weakness, but it
01:14:46
still it doesn't make it any easier to
01:14:47
start start sharing with other people.
01:14:50
Well, people people would look up to you
01:14:51
too, right? So that's what I'm sort of
01:14:53
thinking in that aspect. If you're
01:14:55
opening up about your vulnerabilities to
01:14:58
the podcast, then people would be like,
01:15:00
"Wow, I didn't know that about you, you
01:15:02
know, cuz you wouldn't think that at
01:15:04
all." Just like people think like that
01:15:05
about me. Yeah. I'm the most insecure,
01:15:09
vulnerable guy you could probably think
01:15:10
of at the time, you know. Oh, everyone's
01:15:12
got insecurities though. And the older
01:15:14
you get, you realize that. And and also
01:15:16
another thing um a perk of getting
01:15:18
older, you realize um you you worry so
01:15:21
much about what other people think, but
01:15:22
everyone's just thinking about
01:15:23
themselves. Exactly. No one cares about
01:15:26
you really at the end of the day. No one
01:15:28
really does. So, how did you how did you
01:15:29
get into the um the the keynote speak
01:15:31
the public public speaking sort of
01:15:32
arena? Is that just sort of recent? Uh
01:15:35
yeah, that was about a year and a half,
01:15:36
two years ago. So it's quite funny like
01:15:39
a week before
01:15:41
I took the first one on cuz I was very
01:15:44
you know I didn't I was always scared of
01:15:45
taking opportunities you know I was a
01:15:47
contractor avocados and I was doing all
01:15:49
that and I was scared of you know taking
01:15:52
on big jobs or whatever it was and I
01:15:54
said no no no from here on in Troy the
01:15:56
next thing that gives you a good
01:15:58
opportunity in life you're going to say
01:16:00
yes and then that popped up and I was
01:16:02
like oh [ __ ] because I was in front of
01:16:05
400 people and I'd never spoken thinking
01:16:07
about it ever about my story at all.
01:16:09
[ __ ] Were you [ __ ] bricks? Oh,
01:16:11
mate. The whole time I was reading it. I
01:16:13
just read it
01:16:15
October 14
01:16:18
and I was looking up every now and then
01:16:19
and like, you know, and then people were
01:16:21
just like looking like, "Oh my good."
01:16:22
Cuz they'd see the photos and [ __ ] and
01:16:25
and yeah, I got through it. But jeez, it
01:16:28
was the most one of the most scariest
01:16:30
moments of my life. And I've been in
01:16:31
some very scary situations in my life in
01:16:34
terms of, you know, the lifestyle back
01:16:35
in the day. And you know, it could have
01:16:37
gone either way, but that wasn't a life
01:16:39
or death situation, but that was still
01:16:41
like a very like it felt like I was
01:16:44
going to die. So, oh yeah, public
01:16:46
speaking is um yeah, they do list of
01:16:49
people's fears. Public speaking is
01:16:51
always in the top three for most
01:16:52
people's you biggest fears. It's they
01:16:55
say 80% of people I think the biggest
01:16:57
fear is public speaking, speaking in
01:17:00
front of big crowds. Yeah. But with with
01:17:02
with anything like that, um you start at
01:17:05
level suck and you you get better and
01:17:07
better and you get better very very
01:17:08
quickly. Yeah. So you're doing that now
01:17:10
and your your own avocado business. Uh
01:17:12
yeah, I'm not so much doing that now. I
01:17:14
run a um I run a like fruit stall at the
01:17:17
moment doing you know summer fruits and
01:17:20
stuff like that. Uh crispy a we call it,
01:17:22
you know, from uh bit of dark humor
01:17:24
behind um you know the crispiness. So
01:17:27
yeah, Mr. Krispy they call me. So yeah,
01:17:30
there's a bit of that going on, but bit
01:17:32
of dark humor. But yeah, I mean really
01:17:34
I'm I'm still transitioning more into
01:17:37
wanting to to do the public speaking or
01:17:39
health and safety arenas like um
01:17:43
consultancy maybe or something like
01:17:44
that. So that that's sort of the
01:17:45
direction. So I can go across industries
01:17:47
because I feel that my message about
01:17:49
attitude covers everything. It's not
01:17:52
just like a building thing or you know
01:17:54
farming or whatever any industry. It's
01:17:57
all about our attitudes towards hazards,
01:18:00
towards safety, towards our own lives,
01:18:02
you know, um to be better versions of
01:18:04
ourselves. So that's why I feel attitude
01:18:06
is the most important thing. Yeah, man.
01:18:08
Oh, super inspiring. Um
01:18:11
yeah, if you could go back in time and
01:18:15
change anything about that day,
01:18:18
would you? You wouldn't get on the
01:18:19
cherry picker. We would have We would
01:18:21
have just been No, we're not picking
01:18:22
today, Dad. Yeah. You know, I don't
01:18:24
care. Yeah. he might have got angry and
01:18:25
ah we'll be all right so no I don't care
01:18:28
I'm not going to do it you know I
01:18:29
wouldn't have gone uh and especially
01:18:32
with the power lines um the power lines
01:18:35
going through the trees and that row
01:18:38
wouldn't have touched them wouldn't have
01:18:40
touched them at all not leave that row
01:18:41
completely we go to the next row and we
01:18:43
just finish off I mean you know because
01:18:46
attitude back then was I wasn't scared
01:18:48
of anything so that's just how it was
01:18:51
just wasn't scared of anything at all So
01:18:55
yeah, if if if that hadn't happened on
01:18:57
that day in October 2011, how would life
01:18:59
look like now?
01:19:01
I would had to think to be honest. Um
01:19:05
well obviously I had changed my ways. So
01:19:08
I wanted to change but I was doing this
01:19:10
a lot. I was doing well for a few months
01:19:12
and then bang back on the pipe or back
01:19:14
on the drink and cuz I missed the the
01:19:18
action or whatever it was. And so who
01:19:21
knows? probably the the camaraderie as
01:19:23
well and well the brotherhood. It was
01:19:24
cool to be in a group of brothers that
01:19:26
you know who all had each other's back
01:19:28
and you know and that was what I was
01:19:30
missing most of my life was that type of
01:19:32
so but the problem is is like a lot of
01:19:34
my friends and family that are still in
01:19:36
that world unfortunately they're either
01:19:37
still hooked or they're always in jail
01:19:39
or even worse you know so not here
01:19:42
anymore and
01:19:44
that's just how I sort of see the
01:19:46
reality of probably what my life would
01:19:47
have been still I probably would have
01:19:49
gone back maybe who knows but I'm glad
01:19:52
that I'm not you My daughter has been
01:19:55
worth the whole journey. That's that's
01:19:57
how I look at it cuz she's my bundle,
01:20:00
mate. She She's the one that keeps me on
01:20:02
track when um I'm in deep [ __ ] in my
01:20:05
mindset, you know? She sort of rings me
01:20:07
daily and keeps these uh I don't know.
01:20:10
We She's just very witty. She reminds me
01:20:12
of my younger self back in those days.
01:20:14
Just the girl version. Yeah. So that's
01:20:16
nice. But that that's a it's a big
01:20:18
burden for a young kid. Yeah, it is. It
01:20:20
is. But she doesn't she doesn't know
01:20:22
like I don't sort of throw it on her
01:20:23
like that. She it's just at times I'm
01:20:26
having a bad day and she's ringing me
01:20:28
and I'm like, "Oh, hey honey." You know,
01:20:30
acting like everything's all good. And
01:20:31
then I don't know. She just says, "I
01:20:33
love you, my dad." You know, whatever.
01:20:35
It's just little things like that. I'm
01:20:37
like, "See, this is why you're still
01:20:38
here, Troy." You know, so it keeps me on
01:20:40
track and it even pushes me to do things
01:20:43
like this. Yeah. Um, anyone that's
01:20:46
listening to this or watching this, if
01:20:48
you could leave them one key message
01:20:49
about resilience, what would it be? One
01:20:52
key word about resilience. One key
01:20:54
message. One key message.
01:20:57
I suppose it's just just never give up
01:21:00
and always reach out. I mean, it's the
01:21:02
same thing really. I suppose um
01:21:04
resilience,
01:21:07
it's a mindset really. That's what I
01:21:09
believe anyway. Resilience. You just
01:21:11
have to somehow find a way to overcome
01:21:14
the adversity that you're facing at the
01:21:16
time. And
01:21:18
I mean, it's hard for me to say cuz it's
01:21:19
different for everyone. Um, but at the
01:21:22
same time, like that's why I always base
01:21:23
it on attitude. I mean, you just got to
01:21:25
somehow try and find gratitude and
01:21:27
everything that you have. I mean, in New
01:21:29
Zealand alone,
01:21:32
you know, we've got food, water,
01:21:33
shelter, you know. I mean, we got all
01:21:36
these things that 90% of the world don't
01:21:38
have, even more maybe nowadays. It's
01:21:40
probably even worse. So, that alone you
01:21:43
should be just grateful for.
01:21:45
Um, resilience is just Yeah, it's a hard
01:21:48
one cuz it's
01:21:51
Yeah, it's that warrior spirit, right?
01:21:53
You're always fighting and it's hard out
01:21:55
there, man. It's very difficult out
01:21:57
there financially, like just living.
01:22:01
social media pressures if you,
01:22:04
you know, consume yourself in it. I
01:22:06
mean, you know, social media is probably
01:22:08
a big thing. Like, if if if it's that
01:22:10
bad, I mean, you're probably doing
01:22:12
scrolling all day every day and watching
01:22:14
other
01:22:16
people succeeding and you're not. And,
01:22:18
you know, that's not resilience in my
01:22:20
mind. You know, if you if you want to be
01:22:22
one of those guys, you got to realize
01:22:23
that you have to go through the darkness
01:22:25
in order to see the light. M you know
01:22:27
you have to like if you want to get fit
01:22:29
and strong well you have to go through
01:22:31
the darkness of running and training and
01:22:33
going through the times that you don't
01:22:35
want to do it to come out the other side
01:22:37
and actually look good and feel good you
01:22:39
know um everything takes challenge you
01:22:42
know it's like you say you know it's
01:22:45
just overcoming it that's really
01:22:47
overcoming the adversity and facing it
01:22:49
head on yeah that's cool if your
01:22:53
daughter was here today um and I asked
01:22:55
her to say three words to describe dad
01:22:59
and his character and the sort of person
01:23:01
he is. What would she say? She wouldn't
01:23:03
say anything. She too shy.
01:23:05
She wouldn't say anything at all.
01:23:09
What would she be thinking though?
01:23:13
Um I would like to think that she thinks
01:23:17
dad's cool. He's the coolest dad. He's
01:23:19
she says it enough. So yeah, I think
01:23:21
that's what she'll say. Dad is cool.
01:23:23
[ __ ] That's awesome.
01:23:25
Dad is the coolest. Um
01:23:29
Um
01:23:32
Yeah. Strong. Yeah. Dad's strong. And um
01:23:36
he makes lots of money, which I don't.
01:23:39
It looks great though. When you're a
01:23:41
kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see money
01:23:42
from the roadside, which is lots of
01:23:44
money, Dad. That's lots of money, honey.
01:23:47
Trust me. That's why I need you to learn
01:23:49
maths, cuz once business comes in and
01:23:52
Yeah. You see all this money goes that
01:23:54
way. So you get left with this cool,
01:23:57
strong, and rich.
01:24:00
I wouldn't say. Yeah, it's not bad.
01:24:01
That's not bad. That's um from an
01:24:03
11year-old. We we actually joke about
01:24:05
it, you know. She's like, "You say
01:24:06
you're always poor." And I'm like,
01:24:08
"Yeah, well see." And that's that's what
01:24:10
I'm working on, right? Dad's poor. He
01:24:12
can't afford to get this and that. And
01:24:14
but yeah. So And are you proud of
01:24:17
yourself?
01:24:18
Getting there? Yes, I am. I am. Of
01:24:20
course I am. I I say it enough in the
01:24:22
mornings. First thing I say in the
01:24:24
morning is I'm powerful. I'm strong. I'm
01:24:26
an inspiration. I'm motivation. I'm
01:24:28
motivational to others. So, I do all of
01:24:31
these things intentionally
01:24:33
uh just to channel it in the brain cuz
01:24:36
the subconscious is saying all the old
01:24:38
crap which I need to get out, flick it
01:24:41
out, and put new stuff in. Um but I am I
01:24:44
I I am proud, you know, deep down I am.
01:24:48
I just need to get in the forefront as
01:24:51
opposed to it being in the background.
01:24:53
You know, I look at all the problems and
01:24:55
not realizing the the actual realities
01:24:58
of how far I have actually come in in
01:25:01
the last 13 years especially, but
01:25:02
especially in the last two. Yeah. So
01:25:05
that that mantra before that you just
01:25:07
recited off the top of your head. So you
01:25:09
you stand in front of the mirror and do
01:25:10
that or just when I wake up first thing
01:25:13
when you're lying in bed. Yeah. Yeah.
01:25:14
Yeah. Especially if I'm feeling really
01:25:16
negative like or tired. But other days
01:25:18
where you don't feel like doing it.
01:25:20
Well, cuz I'm in bed so it's easy,
01:25:22
right? So, no, no, no, no, no, Troy.
01:25:24
Troy, cuz you know, some mornings you're
01:25:26
like, "Oh, man. I'm tired." No, no, no.
01:25:29
I'm powerful. I'm strong. I'm, you know,
01:25:31
I'm motivational. I'm inspiration to
01:25:33
people. You got to get up. You got to
01:25:34
get up. And then, you know, I do some
01:25:37
meditation, affirmation meditations.
01:25:40
Just have it, you know, on the phone and
01:25:41
just chuck it on. and then do some
01:25:44
situps and press ups and then straight
01:25:46
into the shower, moisturize, and then
01:25:50
that's usually my daily routine there.
01:25:52
Well, I make the bed obviously and then
01:25:54
my daily routine and just that's how I
01:25:57
usually start most days. So, that's my
01:26:00
new routines that I've been doing the
01:26:02
last
01:26:04
year especially.
01:26:06
Yeah. Inspirational.
01:26:09
Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool, mate.
01:26:10
There's going to be Thanks so much for
01:26:12
being so Is it hard to talk about? It is
01:26:14
actually. Yeah. Is it? It is. Yeah.
01:26:16
You've been really cool today. I think
01:26:17
you've been like really really open and
01:26:19
I think there's going to be so many
01:26:20
people that get so much out of this. Oh,
01:26:21
that's great, man. That's the main
01:26:22
thing. E that's the main thing. Yeah.
01:26:24
Yeah. Well, I appreciate that. Troy
01:26:26
Hall, I'm so pleased we finally
01:26:27
connected. Appreciate you, my friend.
01:26:28
You're a good man. Thank you very much.
01:26:30
Yeah. Yeah. I hope you're proud of
01:26:31
yourself because you bloody deserve to
01:26:32
be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's
01:26:35
it's a work in progress, but yeah. I I
01:26:37
would say I'm about 50 60% of the way
01:26:39
there. M. So if any publishers listening
01:26:41
to this, give the man a [ __ ] book
01:26:43
deal. Yeah. No, I've had a few people
01:26:45
hit me up about a book and have you not
01:26:48
keen? Um just just going through it, you
01:26:50
know, cuz it's slow process. So yeah,
01:26:52
cuz I would have to go through like, you
01:26:54
know, we've done an hour and a half.
01:26:56
Jeez, it would just be Oh, hour and a
01:26:59
half at a time and it'll be only little
01:27:00
sections and that's how I feel anyway.
01:27:03
I'm sort of putting anxiety in front of
01:27:05
it. So yeah. Yeah. But if you have these
01:27:08
opportunities, you know. Yeah. Oh, [ __ ]
01:27:09
I'm not going to tell you what to do,
01:27:10
but you could jump at them, though.
01:27:12
Yeah, for sure. For sure. Hey. Hey, I'm
01:27:15
here. I'm here.
01:27:17
Oh, Troy. Hey, thanks so much for coming
01:27:18
on the podcast, mate. Appreciate it.
01:27:20
Thank you.
