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Troy Hall, welcome to my podcast. Thank you, my friend. Thank you for having me here, mate. It's uh so good to have this
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is a hell of a story. Um this, I think, is my favorite sort of podcast. Um yeah, just just you you're just someone
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that's um gone through this remarkable adversity and you've not only survived,
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but you've thrived. And I think um yeah, most most people listening to this can
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probably get something out of it. Like a lot of people are stuck stuck in their own sort of self-pity or they they've
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created this story or this narrative about themselves which may or may not be true. Um and it just goes to show that
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you can, you know, the human spirit is more powerful than what we think and you can get through a lot more than what you
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think you can. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah, definitely. Can we start by um you
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did this just a couple of minutes ago before we started filming. Um if you're
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listening to this, this will make no sense. Um, but for the viewers of this podcast, can you do the ear trick with
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your right ear? The old the tardinger. Oh, the old tarding. For those of you listening, um, can I touch it? Can I? Of
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course you can. Troy just um un Damn, he just unclipped his ear. So, it's like
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got a little magnet on the end. Yeah, it's a It got drilled in. So, uh, they
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drilled into my skull and then, yeah, they they put the pieces on and then they've put the rod across there and
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then they've got magnet pieces inside of it and it just clicks on, clicks off.
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Get a little party tricks for the kids. So, it's mainly just um uh an appearance
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thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I I was very self-conscious about it for a very long time and um when I sort of had the
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courage to go back into hospital again and going through all of that I went through the surgery. So yeah it was just
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one step there was multiple steps through you know feeling better about myself and you know getting over the
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self-consciousness and things like that. So that was a major part of it. Yeah. This is the first time I've held another
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another human's ear. It's crazy. I just leave it around so then people know that
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I'm still hearing people and uh especially the kids. Right. Okay. All right. Yeah. We'll get into the whole um
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the whole why you've got that here shortly. But first of all um who was Troy Hall before 2011 in particular
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before October 14 2011. Well, I mean, beforehand, I suppose I came from a background, you know, gang culture, that
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type of circle, that type of circle of people. Uh, lots of friends and families that I
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still to this day, um, have a lot of respect for. But unfortunately, we're just on different paths nowadays. And I
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was I was a guy that was addicted to drugs and alcohol for a very long period of that. Um, as a child I was a person
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that was actually um, I loved my sports, I loved athletics, I was into all of that and I
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was actually quite talented at it. So I just sort of went down that path of unfortunately when it when it came time
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to think about the childhood and everything in between. I realized that being separated from my siblings for a very
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long period of time and separation of parents and and all of that. I really sort of came to a point where I started
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getting hurt and and neglected. And so I started joining the brothers when I was
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around a teenager age when I had moved down to Parapumu. And from that point on, I sort of went down that path and
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gave up all the sports and athletics and long story short, just went down a path
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of drug and alcohol abuse and violence. And yeah, I mean, there's a lot of moments that I'm not proud of, but at
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the same time, it's probably just something that's happened in my life that I could go back now to the youth of
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today and encourage them to just not go down that path really, you know. But yeah, that was pretty much me before
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October 14th, 2011. So, you're just like an angry young man pretty much. Yeah,
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pretty much. Um, I still I felt that I was still quite composed. I could still do my thing. Um, I was actually still
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quite a nice person. I was the black sheep and amongst all of them anyway, I would never partake in all the
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activities that they would do. But it was just I realized as well that I had better potential than that. So a few
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months before October, I sort of gave all of that life up, gave everything up and started training, getting into, you
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know, the best shape of my life. And 2011 was the year of the World Cup. So that's what gave me more encouragement.
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And I was 22 at the time. So I thought, I've still got what what it takes and I
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could still have the skill and the natural skill to at least play um top tier rugby, you know, um club club level
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or whatever. So I just got got into it and yeah. Yeah. This is part of the uh cruelness about what happened to you.
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It's not like um this forced what happened on October 14 forced you to make a lifestyle change. You'd already
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made the lifestyle change and made the hard decision to sort of remove yourself from that negative environment. Yeah.
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Yeah, it was. I mean, you know, I can't say that I was completely gone from it
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because my mindset was still, you know, it doesn't just change overnight, right?
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You have to change habits and replace them with others. And it was a transition period, I would call it. I
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wouldn't say that I completely changed, but I got to a stage where, you know, I
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was changing. I was doing all the training. I was doing everything to feel good about myself,
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not relying on drugs and alcohol in order to get that. And I was I was in some really good shape um in terms of
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physical shape. And yeah, I was ready to go. So yeah, it was a bit of a like you
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say, it was quite cruel what had happened and it was unfortunate, but yeah, like I say, just it is what it is,
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I suppose. sometimes. Yeah, I read a quote from you. Uh, what happened to me was probably inevitable given the
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lifestyle I lived. What does what does that mean? I I just feel that it's it's
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like a karma type scenario. You know, when you're involved in certain things
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and activities and being around people that just are cruel, negative, toxic type of
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people. I mean, I was an average of my top five at that stage, right? So my top five people were, you know, gang
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members, drug dealers, whatever it was. So, you know, it was inevitable for me to know at that time that I mean, cuz it
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happened to all of us, you know, I had lots of friends committing suicide. I mean, we had a serious car crash three
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years beforehand where we all flew out at 200k. You know, there there's all of
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these things where unfortunately my bro had died and, you know, I was very lucky
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to even survive that. So, you know, there's all of these things that have happened, but the more that I've started
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working on myself and realizing the things I was doing and partaking in back in those days, I mean, it was
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inevitable. It was something was going to happen eventually, you know. Um, so, you know, a lot of the boys or family,
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the they're in jail, constantly in jail, in and out, in and out or whatever it
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is. I mean, it's all karma. That's what I believe. if you're partaking or you're
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around that type of environment, you know, you are what you attract. So that that's where I'm sort of at with all of
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that and that's why I can't be a part of it these days obviously because I'm
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trying to change and I want to be a better person. Yeah. So October 14, 2011. Um, talk us through that day. You
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wake up in the morning, normal day. Yeah. It was pissing down with rain. So I was picking avocados on a cherry
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picker at the time and it was raining. We shouldn't have gone out there. That that's the long story
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short. You say where you and your dad? Yeah, me and my father. Um and we had a couple other workers that were out there
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too picking on this orchard in Mataphi up in Toadonga. And it was just your typical day though. We had done it
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multiple times before in the rain, picking away as usual, just making sure that we weren't, you know, being a
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danger to ourselves. Uh we got to a row of avocado trees that had overhead power lines going through
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them and they were actually going through the trees themselves. So they were actually going right through them.
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And at one point in time, I was actually so close to these lines, I popped up in
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between. I remember looking side to side of me and I could feel the energy of the
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power. Um 110,000 volt power lines. And I could just I remember to this day the visual, you know, the visual of it. And
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I I had the shivers down my spine, but my attitude was the [ __ ] side, which just oh [ __ ] you know, just, oh, I'm
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bloody close here. And my father was going nuts at me on the other side and I just told him, "Oh, calm down, man.
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[ __ ] What are you on about?" Exactly. You know, so it was that [ __ ] attitude
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thinking I'm untouchable. And it's like that um there's there's a line in the
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original Top Gun movie about being young, dumb, and full of [ __ ] That's exactly what it was, mate. And that's
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what I say a lot, too. I was young, dumb, and full of. Right. So that's that's how it was at those times. And my
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attitude was I was actually angry at my father, so I was stay well away from the
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[ __ ] lines and altogether. And um I did I was well away from them at the end of the day. Um but we got to the end of
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the day, my father told me to drop the rest of the fruit off into the bin. He took off up to the top of the orchard
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and I was about to make a phone call. And then as soon as I realized that there was no reception on the phone,
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I had to go up to the highest point on the machine, which is about 6 to 8 m high. So about 6 m the boom. So you can
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go up to 6 m. I remember seeing the reception, made the phone call and that was the last I remember. So the phone
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call was the last thing I remember seeing the visual of the trees and then just blackout and um what had actually
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happened was the power the lines exact same lines that I just dodged a few hours earlier had jumped 4 m and hit me
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directly through the head on on the on the right hand side and killed me instantly and that was it. Lights out.
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So, but amazingly 30 seconds later, I had a second one go through my chest, bring me back um but engulfed me in
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flames and that was the visual that my father had seen and and the other the other guys that were there that day. So,
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yeah, you must have spoken to your dad or potentially the others about this. I don't know. But, um So, did they see the
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first the first shock or just something? They just heard it. Yeah, they just like
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my father sort of gave me a brief. We've talked about it maybe once or twice. Um,
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and he he's he just reckons that he just heard a massive echo through the sky
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like a like lightning hitting the ground or something, you know, and it just echoed through the whole orchard and he
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knew exactly what had happened. And so, yeah, he flew down on the tractor and by
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that time the second one had hit and then he's looking up and seeing me up in
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flames and everything. So, it was quite a traumatic experience for him to talk about. I mean, like I said, he talked
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about it very briefly for like a second, you know, a few seconds and he walks out
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of the room. So, I didn't realize the impact it ever had on him or other people that were there that day.
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And yeah, I mean, especially for my father. So, yeah. Yeah. I was about to say it's funny. It's not funny at all.
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But the like the I mean you you were you were you were knocked out. So it was probably more more like triggering for
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you the others than for than for you even though you had to go deal with the whole recovery and stuff physically. Um
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who was the phone call to? It was I think it was to my exartner at the time, you know, probably asking her,
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"Hey, what's for quite tonight? It's bloody cold. I'm wet. I need something
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to eat." I think that's what it was. I'm not too sure to be honest. I can't
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remember. Yeah, I mean we we haven't talked about it. So yeah. Um yeah, I don't know what I rung what I called
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for, but I do remember the phone call cuz I remember the no no reception on the phone. So that's why I went up to
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the highest point and yeah, that's why it happened. Yeah. So the first one that
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kills you goes through the side and the second one um restarts your heart. Well,
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yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I mean that's just the report you know and my father you know so and and I
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don't know whether the second one because what what happened was when they were finally able to lower me on the
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ground and they laid me on the ground I remember from the stage trying to get up. So when I tried to get up and I
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could hear my father crying and in panic and all that that's when I realized like
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holy [ __ ] like something's happened cuz I didn't know what happened cuz I was
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completely black at the time so I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see nothing at all. All I could all I could
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hear was my father's voice and then I heard him breaking down. And he's your
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typical old school fellow, you know, no tears, no emotion. But once I heard that, that's when I knew like, [ __ ]
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something's happen. He's like, you're just being electrocuted, son. And
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please, son, just listen. Just listen. Cuz my attitude was, "Ah, what are you
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on about that? I'm all good. I'm sorry." He's like, "You're not, son. You're
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not." Oh, were you talking? Yeah. I was I was conscious through that period. So,
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so like I say, like there was that 10 15 minute like from the first strike. I don't know what happened, but it must
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have been about 10 15 minutes later when they were able to lower me down on the ground because for like the first minute
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or two, what had happened was the power had sort of gone around the whole machine because of it being arked to the
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ground, right? So, all the power would have dissipated on the ground just like how a lightning strike happens. If it
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hits a tree, anything in that area, it will kill it all. That's why livestock
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gets killed every year from lightning strikes and everything over in America especially. Um, but if dad went anywhere
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near my machine at that time, he would have he would have had all of that 200,000 volts as well go through him and
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he wouldn't be here today. So, he froze. He panicked. I reckon he didn't know
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what to do. But he could feel the energy of the power cuz he wanted to run towards the machine to get me down. But
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I'm glad he didn't run because if he did run anywhere near it, um people of you
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know, uh electricians and all that, they know how it all works with um what's the
00:14:03
word? Sorry. See, this is terrible, but uh electrical ground currents. So when electrical ground currents are at that
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point for those periods of time, which is about up to a minute, they reckon, maybe a bit longer, all that power is
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staying around that area where it's been, you know, lightning strike or in this case, my my strikes from the from
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the power lines. So he pretty much stayed away from there the whole time until it had all gone and then they
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finally lowered me down. One of the other workers did. They ran over to the machine, lowered me down, pulled me out,
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laid me on the ground and then that's when I remember from this point on what
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was happening from that point on trying to get up and hearing all the voices and
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hearing my father and yeah. Were you were you scared or were you in pain? I had no feeling. There was no pain. There
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was no nothing. It was just I could just hear voices. I could just hear my father. I could hear my father actually
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starting to get angry at a point telling them to call the power company, call the
00:15:00
ambulance. He was just getting frustrated. And then I could hear everybody else around me panicking,
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crying, everything like that cuz I must have been swelling up at that stage cuz in the end I swelled up six times my
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size. So I must have been like a big massive like a Michelin man. Exactly. That's exactly it. Yeah. Exactly it. Um
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when Did you Did you pass out again after that or were you So the the helicopter
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came or the ambo or Yeah, the ambulance came. They end up having to chuck me if I remember. Yes, it was. That's right.
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They put me on the forklift um of the tractor and they they took me up to the top of the orchard cuz it was so wet
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down there. The ambulance wasn't able to come down to where I was. So he took me
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up to the top of the orchard and then they took me in. Done your basic um you know, what's your name? Do you
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know what day it is? Whatever. Whatever. And then they told me that they had to put me in a coma. Cuz the severity of my
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swelling at that stage was so severe that they had to um put me in a coma otherwise my body would go into shock.
00:16:04
So all I remember asking them was am I going to wake up and then my father just listen to them please son or I I
00:16:10
something along those lines and because I was quite an arrogant fellow so you know I didn't want to you know go to
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sleep if I wasn't going to wake up. So there was all those sort of factors and
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yeah, I mean it was a [ __ ] attitude but you know I just didn't want to sort of
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go into a coma if I wasn't going to wake up and that was my mentality at the time
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and they were like no no you'll be fine m okay you'll be fine and that was it.
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So it was just complete nothing after that. And you got to go easy on yourself about your attitude. I don't think
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there's too many 22 year olds that aren't you know exactly that aren't a
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bit douchy. Um, [ __ ] I can see why your dad um Yeah. doesn't really want to
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think about it or talk about it. That's um [ __ ] that's troubling. Has he any
00:16:53
therapy or anything? No, just real old school. He's your typical old school fellow, mate. Yeah, he he just, you
00:16:59
know, he'll talk about it after a couple of drinks or, you know, which is probably his only way he can be himself,
00:17:05
I suppose, maybe to a degree. And I understand it. I mean, it's trauma, you know. Um, the more I'm learning about
00:17:11
trauma, the more I'm realizing, wow, this is how people deal with issues or deal with it. So, that's just the way he
00:17:18
deals with it, you know. And, um, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I I mean, I wish I could, you know, talk about it more, to be
00:17:25
honest. I mean, I want to know all the graphic stuff. What did it look like? And, you know, I want to know all these
00:17:29
other You missed the show. Yeah. I want to know all the juicy bits. But even even all the um even the other guys that
00:17:36
were there, they didn't even want to talk about it, you know. So it was quite
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a So it proves like it must have been so severe because they they reckon that I looked like cooked meat. So must have
00:17:45
been just pulsating and must have been just I don't know just yeah they reckon
00:17:50
I looked like cooked meat so it must have been like a dark blue color red you know cooked. Um and the smell they
00:17:56
reckon the smell was so unbearable that you just couldn't you couldn't even
00:18:01
picture. Yeah. You could just tell that man it's a [ __ ] smell and a vision I'll never
00:18:07
ever forget. and they were crying. I was like, "Whoa." And you know, these fellas
00:18:10
are pretty hearty guys, you know. Yeah, they're those type of fellas. Um, but
00:18:15
yeah, that actually changed them, got them real emotional. And that's when I
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started realizing, holy [ __ ] this ain't just about me. It hasn't just impacted
00:18:23
me. Like, look at these guys and look at my dad. And my dad blames himself for the whole incident to this day. And, you
00:18:29
know, how so? Because we shouldn't have been there around those power lines. We
00:18:34
shouldn't even picking that day. Maybe. I don't know. I I heard it through my
00:18:38
sister. I didn't hear it from Have you Have you like had a chat or said anything to like relieve him from his
00:18:43
guilt? No, I'm I'm pretty I'm pretty crap with that myself. You know, I know
00:18:47
I need to work on it. And, you know, when you got two hard nuts that don't want to, you know, be emotional or, you
00:18:54
know, uh vulnerable with each other, we probably would, right? Probably could, but I need to open that conversation.
00:19:01
So, yeah, in due time, I think. Well, maybe if he happens to hear this podcast, maybe that'll sort of open the
00:19:06
Actually, if he if he happened to come across this podcast or, you know, someone that knows him um happens to
00:19:12
stumble across this podcast like Yeah. Maybe you could communicate with him through here. Yeah, for sure. For sure.
00:19:16
It'd be a cool thing, you know. I I know that would release him and it'll release
00:19:20
me a lot too. Yeah. Yeah. So, when did you realize the massive I'm I'm just um trying to
00:19:27
picture it. like just a massive adrenaline dump. Hey, cuz I've had I've had like little burns before, like a
00:19:31
steam burn from the pot or um I bent my thumb once in the car cigarette lighter growing up. Most excruciating thing
00:19:38
imaginable. It's awful. Um you must have just had like a massive adrenaline dump
00:19:42
or it it must have been like I didn't feel anything at all. There was no pain
00:19:46
whatsoever. So it must have my whole body just must have went numb, you know? And I think that's shock, right? Um I'm
00:19:53
not too sure. Like to be honest, I I couldn't really tell you why I didn't
00:19:57
feel anything. Maybe because I couldn't see it visually cuz I was completely
00:20:01
blind at that time. I mean, I'm blind in my left eye, so that's what happened.
00:20:05
Right. Are you? Yeah. As a result of that. Exactly. Yeah. So, you know, obviously right operates left maybe. You
00:20:11
know, I haven't gone that far in my study yet, but you know, right operates left, left operates right from from what
00:20:17
I've heard. Um, so maybe it could have been that, but the optic nerve is apparently right, you know, burnt. So
00:20:24
that's why I can't see out of it. So when when did you realize the extent of
00:20:27
your injuries? When I woke up, which was how long? Two weeks later. So two weeks just gone. Yeah. Well, I
00:20:35
just felt like I was asleep and I woke back up. But for the first three days, my body was using over 9,000 calories a
00:20:42
day. You know, this is from another Burn Survivor. So, I would imagine this is exactly how my body was at the time. It
00:20:48
was 9,000 calories a day, 230 beats per minute on average, you know, for the first three days, which is why I wasn't
00:20:54
supposed to survive at all. Um, but due to the fact that I was training and everything else in between beforehand,
00:21:00
it was probably and age as well, plus the amazing technology of these days and Middlemore Hospital and and um, you
00:21:09
know, the team there. I mean, it was what got me through. So, yeah, fitness, youth, probably a bit of luck and um who
00:21:18
knows, maybe a higher power. Like, there's got to be a reason you survived. Yeah, for sure. For sure. I mean, a lot
00:21:22
of people have told me that. And, you know, I can't say I'm religious personally, but I'm very spiritual. You
00:21:27
know, I very, you know, I'm a very spiritual person. I've had a lot of things happen in my life before and
00:21:32
after this that has, you know, unexplained, if that's what you want to call it. So, yeah. Um, yeah, I
00:21:40
definitely believe in all that too for sure. So, so when you wake up from the coma after after 2 weeks, are you are
00:21:48
you still paralyzed from the neck down? Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't do nothing.
00:21:52
I couldn't move. Couldn't do nothing. I was like a tiny little 20 kg 27 kgs or
00:21:58
whatever it was. Yeah. Actually, I've got that a photo here from your Facebook. Yeah. Um, yeah. How do you
00:22:04
feel like like I'm looking at this photo and I'm looking at you and they look
00:22:07
like two two completely different people. How do you feel when you when you see that? I mean, you know, I'm
00:22:12
definitely proud of where I am these days and and I realize that it's going to maybe make people be aware of the
00:22:19
message I'm trying to give out these days to people, you know, to be better versions of themselves and look at being
00:22:25
having better attitudes towards, you know, themselves and others, gratitude, all of these things. So, I mean, I do
00:22:32
look at that. I'm definitely proud of myself. I have a gift and a curse with
00:22:36
the type of personality and the type of mentality I have. Um, you know, I feel that it's never good enough, but at the
00:22:43
same time, it's driving me and it's pushing me to be where I am even today.
00:22:47
Even to talk in a podcast format, doing presentations, being in the public eye, you know,
00:22:54
because I was very self-conscious for the whole period, you know, until the last year or two. It's um Yeah. in terms
00:23:00
of like like wearing long sleeve tops or Yeah. I never used to hoodies all the time. There was all of that. I would
00:23:06
never show any of this stuff. And you know, it was just what was inside of my head. You
00:23:13
know, I'm ugly. I'm this. I'm, you know, all of the negative stuff. You know, I
00:23:16
try not to say it too much now cuz that's like affirmation, right? But it's
00:23:21
that's just how it was for the first 10 to 11 years. It was suicidal on a daily
00:23:26
event. Like every day I just didn't even want to be here. Even with my daughter,
00:23:30
the only thing that kept me going was was was my daughter who came 3 years after the accident. And I was very
00:23:36
grateful for it all and everything, but it was still wasn't enough at that per
00:23:40
Well, it was obviously because if I didn't, if I did do it, um, then she would have missed out on her father,
00:23:47
which was a miracle to begin with, right? So that's where it was. Yeah. So, so what was the initial prognosis
00:23:56
they gave you? So you come to two weeks after the accident from your coma. What do they say? Paralyzed for life or
00:24:03
pretty much. Yeah. They said that I was probably never going to walk or talk again. Um and even if I did, it would be
00:24:10
very very limited and it was going to take a very long time if you ever to get any sort of All I heard was I was never
00:24:17
going to walk or talk again. And the arrogance inside of me was no no I'm not
00:24:22
going to [ __ ] put up with this. Like and it wasn't against them. is more towards myself because I gave up at that
00:24:28
moment when I heard that because I couldn't I couldn't move. I couldn't do
00:24:31
nothing. Couldn't move a single bit of my body. So why why do you say the arrogance? That
00:24:37
to me seems like the almost like um the fighting spirit the fighter the warrior spirit it is. But I suppose the arrogant
00:24:43
I mean in order to have that you have to be arrogant to to a degree. That's what
00:24:47
I feel you know because it is going against what other people are saying. Yeah. Yeah. People that are medically
00:24:53
trained. Exactly. eight years at university. And numbers don't lie though, right? You know, I wasn't even
00:24:59
supposed to survive, let alone walk again. You know, they they told my parents and everyone that I wasn't going
00:25:05
to make it. So, you better come and pay your final respects to this guy cuz he's
00:25:09
he's going to die. So, it was just and then they were supposed to cut my right
00:25:13
arm off, my right leg, cuz I was burning from the inside out like a microwave, right? So, it was just constantly going
00:25:19
to this, you know, that was going to the bone and then there was nothing left. Like, they were like, "We're going to
00:25:25
have to cut it off cuz it's car it's going to go burn through the bone and
00:25:28
everything." And fortunately for my dad, he was in there saying, "There's no
00:25:31
[ __ ] way. He either dies whole, you wait until he wakes up cuz he knew he knew the type of person I was." Oh, he
00:25:38
he didn't want to make the decision on your behalf. No, cuz if I wake up and I
00:25:41
had no [ __ ] arm and no leg, I would have been pissed. I I know it. I wouldn't be where I am today. I'll
00:25:47
tell you that I I wouldn't be. There's no way. [ __ ] That was a good call from
00:25:52
your dad. Oh, he Well, he just knew he knew me too well. You know, he knew exactly the type of person I was. And um
00:25:58
you know, when they say I can't do something, I'm going to go against that.
00:26:02
And yeah, we'll see. Now, obviously, it was in a negative sense back in those
00:26:07
days, but it's worked out now. So, for a lot of things. So, were you just like on morphine the entire time or
00:26:16
Yeah, exactly. The pain must have been ex like as soon as you were without pain relief, it must have been excruciating.
00:26:21
Yeah. I mean, I didn't really notice any of that until I dropped from the because
00:26:25
this is my very first steps that picture there. So, that was my first steps. That
00:26:29
was about 6 weeks after getting told that. So, you know, and then I started realizing from that point, I've got to
00:26:36
stop morphine because I realized that I was using it. Um, and coming from an ex addiction background,
00:26:43
especially with meth and all that back then, I realized that my brain's getting
00:26:47
used to this and I can't I can't this is going to slow me down. It's going to
00:26:50
stop me. It's, you know, I this is not good for me. So, soon as I stopped from
00:26:56
the morphine down to ketamine, that's when the pain started. That's when the
00:27:00
real pain started, right? Yeah. Like I started really feeling I can't even describe the pains. Like it's only other
00:27:08
maybe burn survivors could relate to a degree. I mean thinking about the burn on your finger. I mean it's just the
00:27:13
whole body nerves. Yeah. I just people say a pain barrier you know what's it 1
00:27:19
to 10? It's [ __ ] a thousand. That's it. You know that's all I could
00:27:24
you know it's so unbearable. This is why suicidal was daily. This is why everything was daily because in terms of
00:27:30
the negative mindset because I just didn't even want to be here. It's like
00:27:33
this is a punishment. This is a curse. Like the [ __ ] am I even doing here? Like
00:27:39
I'm here to suffer. So that's what it was like for the first few months and
00:27:44
especially when I got transferred from Middlemore to W Cuttle uh hospital and I was there for about 3 to four months.
00:27:52
Yeah. That's when I was the real darkest moments. Yeah. It was Yeah. Why is that?
00:27:57
cuz it Yeah, it feels like you're getting better slowly. But Middlemore only catered to you like to a certain
00:28:05
degree like once you're considered, you know, able. Um, you know, cuz there's
00:28:10
people getting burnt every day, severe, you know, or not. Um, and it was probably at that time where they were
00:28:18
like, well, he's, you know, getting to a stage now where he's capable of, you
00:28:22
know, he's walking again, you know, even though it was only four or five steps at
00:28:26
that time, but it's progress, right? I was never supposed to walk and talk again. So, um, the talking took forever,
00:28:32
like good few months. Oh, in terms of getting your voice back. Yeah. Yeah. The voice box was completely fried cuz
00:28:38
obviously the two strikes, right? And even right now if I'm at a concert and
00:28:43
yelling away for a bit or at a stadium, it doesn't take long for my voice to be
00:28:46
gone and lost, you know. So yeah, but during that time I couldn't even talk.
00:28:53
And the amount of energy that it took just to [ __ ] sound like a league player from the 80s. Move the fan. Like the fan
00:29:00
was another one. My dad, he used to get pissed at me. I remember these moments I
00:29:04
was in the hospital and cuz the fan would be there blowing into me and I'd be like, "Yeah, it feels great." Then
00:29:10
it's too cold so you'd have to move it and all day honestly like hundreds of
00:29:15
times he would be having to move it off and on and but but the voice that it took for me to tell him like
00:29:24
and then I'd so tired just even doing that. So it was just all of these things
00:29:28
that talking about it in a longer format that that's what was happening. It was
00:29:31
the amount of energy it took just to even talk, just to even like do anything, you know, for the first 6 to 9
00:29:39
months was just it was like you're running a marathon constantly just to talk or just to even do a few steps or
00:29:46
move. I suppose your body's still in survival or healing mode. What was the what was
00:29:52
the worst pain? Not on the the scale like you were talking about before, but like was it like changing the dressing?
00:29:56
Was it skin grafts or changing the dressings? Yeah, cuz I've had an uh this remarkable woman on the podcast called
00:30:03
um Kelsey Wagghorn. She's she was a guide on Ficardi White Island when the explosion happened. Wow. So, she's a
00:30:09
burn survivor as well and she talked about the um the the changing of the dressing. Yeah. See, that's what I mean.
00:30:16
Like talking to her would be amazing for myself to know that, you know, cuz it is
00:30:21
like that when you've had such severe burns and then the the bandages just peeling it off like the pus that just
00:30:28
covers is just And it was just big massive drips of pus just dropping off. It's disgusting. It's
00:30:35
disgusting. But the pain is just it's unbearable. Like Yeah. I don't know.
00:30:41
Maybe she did. She How did she describe it? Can you Oh, just excruciating. I can't remember exactly. She was on a
00:30:47
couple of years ago, but yeah, she's remarkable. Yeah, it sucks. Um, one of the um I suppose good things about the
00:30:55
time this happened, it was like old school cameras. We still had cell phones, but there were so the photos
00:31:00
you've taken have got the date on the corner. Um so there's another photo of
00:31:03
you and it looks like you got half a smile here, but this was Christmas Day. It was Christmas Day. So this is um what
00:31:09
like um two 10 weeks after the accident happened. Yeah, about that. Yeah. Yeah. What are you What are your memories of
00:31:13
that Christmas day? Um that was the first time I was able to come outside. So, I just wanted to get outside and
00:31:21
they they pushed me in the hospital bed all the way out there and um yeah, I mean
00:31:28
during those moments I wasn't happy at all. So, I I can't say it was a great
00:31:32
thing. Um yeah, it's hard to say to think about it because it was I try and blank it all
00:31:39
out to be honest about what what it was on Christmas Day. I can't even remember.
00:31:42
I know my family turned up, you know, my nieces and nephews and yeah, I just didn't care to be honest at those
00:31:50
moments to be honest. You know, it was good to see them and my family and that being there, but I just didn't even want
00:31:56
to be here. So, it was just a a [ __ ] part of the whole recovery. And yeah, mentally, yeah, it was just a wreck. So,
00:32:06
yeah. So, just physically and mentally broken. Yeah, physically because I couldn't move. I could barely move at
00:32:11
those times. Like I mean I done first steps before that but just I mean I slept for days after those four or five
00:32:17
steps you know those steps around in the hospital and yeah I slept for days. I remember that cuz it's just the amount
00:32:24
of energy it took. So yeah it's uh Christmas day was good. It was good you know with family and seeing my niece and
00:32:31
all that and um but yeah I just that was the honest truth to be honest. I didn't
00:32:37
even care. Just didn't even want to be here. So why? Yeah. With reflection like
00:32:43
why didn't you take your own life? I couldn't. Oh couldn't. Yeah. I've had
00:32:51
another another dude on the the podcast. This guy Brad who was a a wakeboarder. Oh yes. Um and he had this this terrible
00:32:57
ramp accident and he landed on his head and his neck and now he's um I'm
00:33:00
probably going to get this wrong. He's either a quadriplegic or a tetroplegic.
00:33:03
And he was saying um he felt he he has a great life now. He's got a great mindset. But um shortly after the
00:33:10
accident, he said he wanted to take his own life. But he goes, "The funny thing
00:33:12
is even if someone put a gun next to my hand, there's nothing I could have even
00:33:15
done with it." And he even sort of thought about ways that he could do it. And he the only way he could come to
00:33:19
would be to he's got a blower thing on his chair to move it forward. And he goes, "If I went to like a warf, I could
00:33:25
probably blow go off the end of the warf and drown myself. That would be the only
00:33:29
way." It's it's bleak when you have to sit there and come up with um ideas to
00:33:34
take your own life. He he would have probably been trying to plan too, you know, cuz that's exactly what I was
00:33:39
trying to do. I was trying to plan it, but I just I I knew I was incapable at that time and no one was going to do it
00:33:45
for me. So, you know, I was on my own and so I just had to face the reality of my new journey, my new life at that time
00:33:53
and it was it's [ __ ] hell to be honest. That's the easiest way to explain it. How how did you how did you
00:33:59
get there or switch your mindset? Did you did you have a therapy or anything or did you read any books or um like you
00:34:05
talking about in the early early stages? Yeah, I think the early stages I mean I met a girl at that time a bit
00:34:14
long you know after coming out of hospital and we had a daughter and it was great you know that was my miracle.
00:34:21
She's my baby. She's everything to me. But even during that period, I was in a
00:34:26
dark spot and it was probably unfair on on her as well as my daughter. And I went to a burns group. My mom actually
00:34:33
told me at the time like, "Son, you need to find people that are, you know, been
00:34:38
through the same thing and, you know, and so I just typed in like burns group or something." And then that popped up
00:34:44
and they offered me uh offered to take me and my partner and my daughter at the time to go up and meet um this guy Alan
00:34:53
Brezlo and Dwin um burnt survivor um Allan was way back in the day and um an amazing story of his and you know from a
00:35:03
plane crash and dangling and his whole body just melted and he's an amazing guy
00:35:08
cuz he set up a world Phoenix uh organization over in America where you know every year all the burn survivors
00:35:15
all get together and it's an amazing thing and they have it here in New Zealand as well up in Oakuckland here
00:35:19
and I went and talked to them and for those moments I actually felt normal. I felt like, wow, I can talk to these
00:35:29
guys. And I felt like I was, you know, actually accepted. And, you know, because people were always staring
00:35:37
at me and it was just, yeah, it was very, you know, cuz I had big massive bandage on my head at the time. There
00:35:43
was still a hole in my head, you know. This is how long after the Ah, shoot. It was probably a few years afterwards.
00:35:49
Like, oh wow. Yeah. Three to four maybe. I'm not too sure. I can't remember
00:35:52
exactly cuz Yeah. Like I say, the whole time frame for the first 10 years was just all over the show. Like I don't
00:35:59
really sort of capture I try not to remember them, you know, cuz they're such dark moments. But yeah, when I went
00:36:06
there, I actually felt like, wow, I you found your community. Well, I just Yeah,
00:36:11
exactly. And I just felt like, wow, like I'm not alone with this. I thought I was
00:36:15
alone with this the whole time. Like no one can understand what I'm going through and this and that. So, it was
00:36:19
really cool in that aspect. And since then I've gone and done kids camps, you
00:36:23
know, Burns camps with with them as well last few years and yeah, it's been really cool. So that was the start of my
00:36:30
transition of starting to be a bit more grateful for, you know, for the whole thing as well as my daughter, you know.
00:36:37
Yeah. Yeah. And what about the rehab side of things like um you know walking, talking, feeding, tying shoelaces,
00:36:45
putting putting a sho putting clothing on? Right. for for years I had to get people to do it for me. There was no
00:36:51
other way of doing it. Um well to feed myself just to even put a spoon to my mouth and eat. I think what it was it
00:36:57
was like mac cheese macaroni and cheese or something. That was about 9 10 months
00:37:01
in after intense rehab. But all of the rehab took years. It was just pretty much years and years of just intense
00:37:08
rehab and just hard grind. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. How like c can you can you pinpoint the
00:37:15
moment where you you started to come out of the dark and find happiness again? I wouldn't say it's happiness but it was
00:37:27
like an enlightenment like okay I need to start changing my ways here. I need to realize that people were
00:37:34
inspired by this or you know like start feeling good about myself that people were inspired by me cuz I wasn't
00:37:42
inspired by myself. So that sort of happened the last couple of years. It's been the last couple of years really.
00:37:48
Yeah. Yeah. I mean I was so stuck in victim mentality mindset for so long. I to be honest you know that that's the
00:37:56
reality of it. I mean, it was just poor me, poor me, the whole way. And, you know, you guys don't know what I'm going
00:38:01
through. And even with the Burns, you know, group and all of that, as amazing as they are, I
00:38:08
mean, I was a person that would do well in those moments and stay in there. But then, as soon as I was out of it, cuz I
00:38:15
was running businesses and stuff, too. I jumped back on a machine, cherry picker,
00:38:18
run our own one. Me and my father, we had our own machines by that stage and being contractors ourselves instead just
00:38:26
working for someone. And um that's what there was depression in there too cuz
00:38:34
it's business, right? Stress with business. You know how it is. It's running a business can be very if you're
00:38:39
if you're not uh if your mindset's not right and it's not strong, you know,
00:38:43
it's very hard to manage all of that. Um, so I think it was the last couple of
00:38:48
years I realized that I need to start changing my ways. And yeah, the more I started learning about psychology, I
00:38:55
suppose, not psychology, but just how the brain works and trauma, overcoming trauma, the more I started
00:39:03
realizing all of that sort of stuff, the more I realized, okay, I need to start being grateful for where
00:39:09
I am. I need to start being, you know, proud of myself. and pretty much the last couple of years, man, since I've
00:39:15
started doing podcasts and presentations and Yeah. Yeah. And like with what you've been through, you'd be perfectly
00:39:23
entitled and uh you know, no one no one could argue that you're you're okay to
00:39:28
play a victim if you want, but it's not serving it's wasn't serving you, right?
00:39:32
No. No. I was just riding the train is pretty much what it was. And some people that I know that have been burnt or real
00:39:39
massive trauma, the burnt uh not burnt, sorry, that they've ridden the train for
00:39:44
the last 10, 20, 30 years, whatever it is. And like I said, like you like you said, sorry, you're entitled to it. I
00:39:51
mean, look, look what's happened. You got every right to feel like that. But I
00:39:55
had to get over myself and realize that, hey, you know, I got a daughter here. I
00:39:59
need to support her. I need to get her going for my life uh to to make her life better. She's a miracle to begin with.
00:40:07
So, hey, come on. Let's turn this into real success. Yeah. And it's not even
00:40:11
financial. It's just more mental mental wealth, you know? So, yeah. [ __ ] Yeah,
00:40:16
bro. That [ __ ] That's powerful stuff. But you you you knew that people loved
00:40:24
like you you were judging yourself harshly, but I mean you still had your your your massive massive faro support
00:40:28
in hospital. [ __ ] You even picked up in hospital. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. As soon as you could
00:40:34
get your movement on your fingers back, are you swiping? That that was some pure
00:40:37
luck. Yeah. I mean, I had hundreds of messages at the time and I thought I flick through and Oh,
00:40:45
who's this one? And then I remember see your new priorities in order. Oh, yeah.
00:40:50
Yep. Oh, Jack went up real quick. Uncle Jack. Yeah. So, Oh, yeah. I remember her.
00:40:59
And then yeah, you know, yeah, I won't say too much into I won't go too much
00:41:04
into it, but it was enough to sort of get me uh that uplift spirit. Okay, got something to go for now. And yeah. Oh,
00:41:12
good little So was that a a hospital hookup? Well, you could say that. Yeah, you put the curtain around. My my dear
00:41:19
friend of mine, Richard, uh and Vivian, um they came in with a phone and you know, they said to me, "Hey, is there
00:41:26
anything you need?" and we're going to get you a phone. We're going to chuck a
00:41:29
few hundred bucks credit on there for you so you can ring your family and all this and that. I was and I was grateful
00:41:34
for that, you know. I was so grateful for that. And I was doing all the phone calls. It was great, you know. It
00:41:39
actually uplifted my spirits a lot. And then I went on my Facebook and then I realized, holy [ __ ] there's like
00:41:46
hundreds of messages, you know, from all my friends and family and all that that
00:41:49
were just like, "Fuck, man. I hope you're okay." Blah, blah, blah. And then
00:41:53
yeah, that that one sort of scroll scroll. I messaged a lot of them back, don't get me wrong, but yeah, then Oh,
00:42:00
who's this one? Click in, click in. Oh, yeah. Terrible, man. Such a Well, you
00:42:07
you were still this 22y old kid. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And I just testosterone. I just wanted love. Yeah.
00:42:13
You know, just wanted to feel loved. Validation, I suppose. Yeah, exactly. So, um Yeah. any any good memories of
00:42:21
your time in hospital? Yeah, there were lots. There were lots, man. There were lots. I mean, first time that I used to
00:42:26
that I went out into walking. Um, this lady, Heather, took me in, she was one of the nurses and she actually got me
00:42:34
out of my darkness because I was in such a dark state at that time. And she's
00:42:39
like, Troy, you need to like really like these nurses don't even want to come in
00:42:42
and, you know, serve you. And, you know, because I was such an angry person. I was so angry. I was swearing the place
00:42:48
down. And I ended up having my cry and everything about it. And then I realized, okay,
00:42:55
I've got to be nice to these people cuz they are. They're just there to help.
00:42:58
They don't know what, you know, they can't understand what you're going
00:43:01
through, but you can't treat us like this. You know, it's just not going to,
00:43:04
you know, no one will want to come in and help you. And so when I finally did start going to the other side and being
00:43:10
nice and I'm so sorry for, you know, how I was and how I am and then everyone was
00:43:15
nice to me and so I felt good. So, she took me on my first trip out to the warehouse to get some clothes. And yeah,
00:43:23
that was actually a real proud moment of mine cuz I actually went out and I took
00:43:28
some, you know, walked around into the warehouse. Obviously, everyone was staring cuz I just had holes every big
00:43:34
massive bandages and Oh, who? Just kids or kids and adults? Oh, everyone. Yeah, everyone. Yeah. cuz cuz it was packed,
00:43:42
you know, the whole warehouse was packed and I could barely walk and I was just walking through and yeah, I'll get that.
00:43:49
And the amount of energy, like I said, it was like a marathon. I slept like for a day and a half after I came back. Um,
00:43:56
and we sat down and had a a coffee and yeah, that was really cool. That was a really proud moment of mine that I done.
00:44:02
And when I went down to Wellington, um, lots of friends and family always turning up. my brother turned up and in
00:44:10
and wau at one stage and just those sort of moments and and obviously Richard and
00:44:14
Viv they were a big part of my life at that stage that were always coming in and also oh man I feel so bad but I
00:44:21
can't remember MV MV was his name he used to come in cuz he was a burn survivor he was one of the ones that um
00:44:27
was in the fire when Hamilton when they the explosion um oh fruit packing factory or something yeah it was
00:44:35
something like that and they opened the door up and boom and you know unfortunately his boss died but he did
00:44:39
it and um he came in a lot as well like every week and you know that's a guy I
00:44:45
need to catch up with actually sorry this is how I talk but yeah he's a guy that I feel was um uplifted my spirits
00:44:53
as well so there was a lot of good moments a lot of good times yeah I heard you say um the accident taught
00:45:01
you self-care and selfrespect the accident yeah I think the accident or maybe just the whole experience the
00:45:08
whole experience I think. Yeah. I mean, the accident just taught me to like, bro, what were you doing? But it's all
00:45:15
about attitude, right? Back in those days, the car crash that happened, the amount
00:45:20
of times that I'd been involved in situations that I probably shouldn't have and we came out the other end and
00:45:26
in that world, you know, um I was untouchable. You just can't dwell on these these um these things and you know
00:45:34
just like sit there and you know sit with the mistake like the the only way is forward. You can't go back. That's
00:45:41
right man. And and I suppose that's what it was right. That's why nowadays with
00:45:45
the attitude adjustment that I'm trying to have I'm realizing it is important.
00:45:50
It's important to not look back and look forward. Yeah. What are some everyday things that you
00:45:58
still struggle with that the rest of us might take for granted? Interesting. Um I think
00:46:08
so you got full movement, full range of movement. Yeah. I mean, you know, I can't I can't move any of the stuff, you
00:46:14
know. I can only go certain can't go back. Can't do any sort of movements in
00:46:19
terms of with the arms especially. Um yeah, really it's just yeah a lot of physical Yeah, physical stuff, physical
00:46:30
inabilities at times. But yeah, I mean even even tying my shoelaces and doing all those basic things, it hurts. I
00:46:40
mean, just getting down cuz I want to do like, you know, get fit ass and do burpees and stuff, but just even getting
00:46:46
down doing all that sort of stuff. gym workouts really, you know, um even though not everybody goes to the gym,
00:46:52
but if they could, if they wanted to, then they can do everything that I can't
00:46:57
really, you know. So, there's a lot of that aspect. I haven't really thought
00:47:01
about it to be honest because I don't use as an excuse the majority of the time. I mean, I still play league in the
00:47:06
masters for Fitzy Tada. So, you know, um blinding my left eye can be a bit of a frustration at times cuz especially when
00:47:15
you're playing league and stuff, you can't see anyone coming from the side
00:47:17
and take you out or you drop the ball and oh, let the team down. Oh, butter fingers over here. [ __ ] Don't pass it
00:47:24
to him. We just pass to you from the right hand side. Yeah. A doesn't matter.
00:47:32
[ __ ] cabbage at times. It's because of fatigue, you know. So, yeah. I'm not
00:47:37
too sure. Um yeah, maybe maybe even cardio. Cardio is quite a hard thing for me to always constantly um run for long
00:47:46
periods of time. Why? So do you do you sweat through this? No, I sweat just here. Just in the head. I mean I got no
00:47:53
sweat glands or nothing. So nothing sweats underneath. It's probably probably good actually cuz back in the
00:47:59
day I used to have the mass bo. So it was pretty bad in the day. Oh, dripping. You know, the
00:48:06
old links edge, you know. Yeah. How do you how do you feel about your body now? Like when you stand in
00:48:12
front of the mirror like Yeah. What do you say? I don't I don't do it enough. I
00:48:16
need to do it more often. Yeah. Uh I don't do it. I mean, I need to and be proud of myself. And
00:48:25
I'm still stuck in that victim mentality mindset when it comes to that stuff.
00:48:29
Like looking in the mirror, I don't like what I see back at the moment. Yeah. Yeah, it's just it's a hard one to
00:48:35
explain cuz I am I am proud of myself and I do look some days I go, "Oh yeah,
00:48:39
yeah, you're actually looking good, bro." But most days um yeah, I don't
00:48:44
know. I just expectations maybe, you know, just just that stuck in the old ways and that's
00:48:53
why I'm working on getting better at it and and it's going to take time. like
00:48:57
it's taken 13 years already, but I must admit it's only been the last couple of
00:49:01
years that I've finally really like no excuses, you know? I I don't want to
00:49:06
have any excuses of mate, people are inspired by you. People are proud of you, people are this,
00:49:12
people are that. So So you should be like that towards yourself and stop being so hard on yourself. And the
00:49:16
amount of people that tell me that, it's it's it's finally coming through.
00:49:22
It is. It's inspirational, Troy. It really is. How how did we connect? I think I read about you somewhere. Did I
00:49:28
Did I friend you on Instagram? No, it was I think it was the Latelli David Latelli. Um it must have been because it
00:49:35
happened not long after he posted cuz I was on the butterbean motivation um app and all I done was obviously I
00:49:42
wasn't trying to lose weight or nothing but it was more about a mindset thing
00:49:45
and that's why I put the post up just to encourage people to just hey guys you
00:49:49
know this is my journey and what I believe is important which is attitude and just never give up and always have
00:49:56
good people around you all of that. That post was what he seen and then he posted
00:50:01
on his page and then I think that's where you seen it because because I think you're tied in with him. Yeah. I
00:50:06
love Dave. Yeah. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. Does so much for so many.
00:50:10
That's right. That's right. So So the um the scarring where is it? Everywhere.
00:50:14
Front and back. Yeah. It's um pretty much all my whole body. Um you got a little bit like a normal skin there and
00:50:20
then skin here and stuff. But that's how thick our skin is, right? You know, so
00:50:24
that's the difference cuz there's nothing there. And then that's all
00:50:27
that's your seven layers, you know. So, six, seven layers, whatever it is. And
00:50:31
so, um, yeah, I mean, and my legs got a bit on my legs here. Uh, got no ass. That was the first strike. Went through
00:50:41
there, came out there. So, lucky. Came out the ass, bro. Oh, god. If only someone had on video. Oh, mate. Yeah.
00:50:49
But So, it literally went like right through your W bang bang. And then the second one went bang bang.
00:50:56
So see the circle there? That's that's where it came out. The second one. So
00:51:00
wait, you you say no ass. What do you What do you mean? So it exploded the whole [ __ ] thing,
00:51:06
mate. Yeah. So have you got like a like a a colostomy bag? Yeah. Oh, no. No, not
00:51:11
a bag. No. No. So you've still got like um it's it's it's How would you say it?
00:51:15
Um there's no cheeks. It's just like a buttock. Yeah. No buttocks. Where do
00:51:21
they do the skin grafting from? legs or No, I think what they done is they thinged it on my back and they just
00:51:27
flopped it down and just, you know, Yeah. Let's just say it's not a convenient manner in the toilet these
00:51:33
days. So, that's Oh, that's probably something that Yeah. the genuine everyday person
00:51:40
don't need to worry about. Yeah. You What do you What do you mean? Can you elaborate on that or not? I don't really
00:51:45
No. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. People are like, "Oh, yeah. It's um Yeah, it's just a
00:51:52
different way of having to wipe it. Yeah. Okay. Enough said. Enough said. Well, thanks for being so open about
00:52:01
this. What What would you like um like anyone that's listening to this or watching to watching this? Like what
00:52:06
what should we know about burn survivors? It's all about like the insecurities
00:52:13
that a burn survivor already has about themselves. And I mean people are just staring out of curiosity a majority of
00:52:20
the time. You know I know that but at times it can be quite intimidating. Um and I suppose the thing that I do say
00:52:29
is that you know it can happen to anyone. You know for me personally overcoming all of this has been a a definite
00:52:40
journey and we've all got issues. We've all got problems. We've all got stories that I
00:52:45
believe is very traumatic. You know, it's just a lot of people hide behind the mask. See,
00:52:51
mine is visual, so that's the difference. You can see mine. A lot of people you can't see. And so, I think I
00:52:57
I think really what it's about is just be kind to each other. Um, always work
00:53:03
on having a good attitude, gratitude having a good circle of people around you that uplift you and, you know,
00:53:12
always motivate you to be the better version of yourself as opposed to putting you down when you do something
00:53:17
wrong or laughing because there's a lot of that going on these days, especially
00:53:21
social media and and all that sort of thing. So, I think personally it's it's
00:53:25
highly important to just have a good attitude. M um it's something that I encourage in my conferences and health
00:53:33
and safety presentations that I do these days. It's just to attitude is everything. That's pretty much my main
00:53:40
three words. And I realize that when I've had a better attitude, I look at things differently. If a problem comes,
00:53:47
I look at it like, okay, it's not a problem. There's the solution to the
00:53:51
problem. and people that I've been around um come and gone throughout the years, they've given me encouragement.
00:53:58
They've given me um advice to be where I am today to take the knowledge in and
00:54:05
just realize that if you're always looking to grow, it's never ending, you
00:54:09
know, it's never ending progression. There's always something new to learn.
00:54:12
There's always new things to learn from other people and just be around good people. M that's
00:54:19
pretty much really where I'm sort of at nowadays is I've got to be around good
00:54:23
people at all times to keep my mind focused on the positives as opposed to the negatives of of everything. Yeah,
00:54:30
that's true. It's like you something you said before, we sort of touched upon
00:54:32
this. It's like you are the product of the four people you spend most time with. So if you're hanging out with four
00:54:37
vapor, you're going to be number five. You hang out with four pot smokers, you're going to be number five. If
00:54:42
you're hanging out with four uh people that go to the gym every day and have a
00:54:45
growth mindset, you're going to be number five as well. Exactly, man. Exactly. Well, when you're in hospital,
00:54:50
did um did any of your old um you know, sort of like your gang mates come and visit you? Of course. Of course. I mean,
00:54:56
that was during the whole, you know, I got to be honest, like that was probably a big reason as to why I survived too.
00:55:02
The amount of people that turned up at the middle more like everyone had to get turned away and taken. It was just too
00:55:08
many. So it was something I probably believe at that time spiritually you know cuz I was unconscious throughout
00:55:14
the whole time but I probably seen all that and then going wow [ __ ] people do care and yeah cuz that whole time I
00:55:20
thought no one cared and I was stuck in that victim mentality again you know so it was maybe during those periods that's
00:55:27
why I survived as well you know it wasn't just youth wasn't just my physical
00:55:32
um form at that time and you know even just the warrior could have been all that too who knows
00:55:38
But it was just as time went on and I started realizing and and and realizing that man like we're just not on the same
00:55:45
page anymore. Like we just don't relate like we used to. And a lot of that's cuz
00:55:49
I've grown into a different person. And I want to find positive people, not people that are always blaming others or
00:55:57
blaming their their background or their childhood or whatever it was that they're using to justify their actions
00:56:05
of doing negative or like very serious crimes. And yeah, I I suppose I had to get myself away from it because like you
00:56:13
said, you're you're top four, top five. It's just that's exactly what was
00:56:16
happening. I was stuck in that mindset, too. So yeah, the brain's incredible.
00:56:21
Like you can come up with any you can you can convince yourself or come up with any narrative you want, you know,
00:56:26
and it'll be believable and no one can hold it against you if you wanted to be
00:56:29
angry and bitter with the world, but it's not going to Yeah. It's not going
00:56:33
to serve the world world any good and it's not going to serve you any good in
00:56:36
particular. Yeah. Well, well, the way I look at it too is that you can focus on yourself, right? So you can focus on
00:56:42
what you do but you can't focus what's outside you know um other people your
00:56:47
family you know friends that you really want to change but they just don't want
00:56:51
to and and I used to get really um invested in it and it used to really hurt me or used to get I used to get
00:56:58
really emotionally involved and it used to annoy me so since I've let it all go
00:57:03
and realized no no it's something I can't control it's out of my control
00:57:07
like I can't focus there I have to focus here since I've been doing that which is
00:57:10
the last year or two especially I've realized that it's life is getting a lot better like it
00:57:19
it's it's becoming a lot more I get a lot more courage to do these sort of
00:57:23
things cuz I get [ __ ] scared of all this stuff like anxious and you know I'm a
00:57:27
god like you know I don't want people to judge me and whatever it is the old
00:57:31
school mentality that I had so yeah it's just been it's been a lot of growing and there's been a lot of
00:57:38
lessons learned and I'm still learning to this today. Um, but all in all, I've
00:57:44
got to be proud of where I am at this stage in my life. Bro, you should be so proud. Um, that makes it um makes me all
00:57:50
all the more stoked that you wore like a a tank top in here today. Yeah, I done it intentionally. I did. Yep, I did.
00:57:56
Yeah, cuz I mean, if you were covered from um Yeah. like neck neck down, no one would know there's there's anything
00:58:03
wrong with you. And that's how I wanted it for the first 10 11 years cuz it was
00:58:08
easy to hide, you know. Um, but yeah, that that's the thing. Like nowadays I
00:58:12
have to do it not just to show people, but just to show myself, you know, that hey, you're not scared anymore, Troy.
00:58:18
You're not scared anymore. And and I'm not I'm not scared anymore. But how do
00:58:23
you mean scared? Scared of people looking and staring and, you know, cuz they do. I mean, to this day, I see it
00:58:29
all the time. You know, I might only have one eye, but I can still see people. Yeah. I can still see you guys.
00:58:35
That's what I say. Half you guys. I can see half of you guys. Yeah. especially
00:58:39
to my right. You know, I can see you still staring and some of some of them are terrible. They're just standing and
00:58:45
following like, "Oh my god." Could you be any more obvious? What do you do? How
00:58:49
do you handle it? I I I just carry on walking. I mean, see, this is what I mean. I I know some burn survivors that
00:58:55
are amazing. Like, cuz I walk up, hey, you know, do you want to know what happened or you know, and I'm like, "Oh,
00:59:02
I just don't have the courage to do that yet cuz it's anger still. I've got to
00:59:06
get over that." Yeah, I've still got a lot of anger inside of me. People might
00:59:10
not think that because I, you know, showcase, but deep down inside there's still a lot of anger. Um, I get it. It'd
00:59:17
be [ __ ] frustrating. It It is a little bit, you know, especially if it's women and and all that, right? So, yeah,
00:59:22
it piss me off. It does. And it's like, you know, can you just come and ask me
00:59:26
like what happened maybe or just don't stand there and stare or point or like
00:59:30
it's just all of that. It's it's a bit frustrating. Kids, I don't mind. Kids
00:59:35
are okay. They don't know. They've got no filters. I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah.
00:59:39
What What about your daughter? Like if she brings like How old is your daughter now? She's 11. Yeah. Yeah. So, I say
00:59:45
she's at intermediate age now. So, so when she was younger, like when when Yeah. How how was the She obviously grew
00:59:51
grew up with that. So, that's all she knew. But what about when she brought friends home? And Well, I mean, you
00:59:56
know, like all she would notice is when I'm in um like we're in a big heavy
01:00:00
populated area, you know, when she was younger anyway. Not so much now cuz she's used to it, but she would always
01:00:05
go, "Dad, everyone's staring at you." And I'm like, "Honey, it's all good.
01:00:09
Don't worry about it. I don't like it." And I'm like, "It's all good, honey.
01:00:13
Don't worry about it." But see, that's exactly what I knew. I knew it in my
01:00:17
head. I knew that that's what was happening. Like I said, even though I only had half vision, but I knew you
01:00:23
It's almost like you can feel the energy of eyes staring. And you know, maybe you know, a friend of
01:00:31
mine had a really good outlook on it, you know, good analogy. He's like, "Mate, they're just curious, you know,
01:00:35
they're just curious. If if you were walk to walk over to them, they would have went, "Oh, I'm so
01:00:41
sorry." No, I'm just wondering what happened. You know, and I've done it a
01:00:44
couple of times. And I'm going, "Hey, mate. How's it going?" Oh, oh, good mate. Good. Good.
01:00:50
Hey, if you don't mind me asking you cuz, you know, so I've got to be that
01:00:54
person. See, I must feel dark energy as well. Maybe to some people that's why
01:00:58
they don't want to come and ask cuz they feel that I'm going to snap at them and
01:01:03
and I I'm an angry person, right? So, not deep down, not not not sorry, not on
01:01:08
the outside, but deep down I am. And maybe they can feel that. So, they don't
01:01:12
want to ask cuz they feel that it's gonna, you know. Yeah. That's [ __ ]
01:01:18
heartbreaking about your daughter. thing about her, even though she she's young,
01:01:23
just being, you know, being aware that's how blatant it is. Yeah, that sucks. It
01:01:27
does suck. It does. But hey, you know, um it's why the kids camp was quite good at
01:01:33
one stage cuz there's some kids that are fully severely burnt head to toe. So,
01:01:37
it's you and God, it used to annoy me cuz we're walking in a big group and one
01:01:43
guy, one young follower in particular and and it's grown people. Like, that's
01:01:48
what really annoys me. It's like older people and it's like, you know, some of
01:01:51
them are in their 50s, you could tell and they're staring like and it just really But that's just a negative me,
01:01:58
right? I've just got to realize that, hey, you know, people are people, they're probably curious. They're
01:02:04
probably, oh my god, what happened to him? But to me, it looks like a look of like, ooh, you know, and that's probably
01:02:10
the negative outlook on myself where it's not like that. It's they're just curious. Yeah.
01:02:17
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and and they're just like, "Oh, you poor thing."
01:02:20
Or whatever. But I suppose it's just it's that's just how it is for me, you know.
01:02:25
I'm just still I'm transitioning, you know? It's going to take time for me to
01:02:29
lot to deal with. Yeah. What is your relationship with um like therapy? Have you like Have you had like professional
01:02:36
therapy or anything? Like like you mean psychology, psych psychiatrists and stuff? Um the the only problem with them
01:02:42
was they were always turning to me to take a pill and and that's just not me,
01:02:47
you know, personally. I know that that was probably the best thing to do at those times because they thought you
01:02:52
were clear. Yeah. Anti-depressants and stuff. And as soon as I heard that, no, I don't I don't even want to talk to
01:02:57
anyone cuz I cuz I'll let everything out. And that was the problem, right? Cuz it was it was mass depression.
01:03:05
There's no easier way to explain it apart from just depression and I just hated life and this and that and
01:03:10
anti-depressants probably would have worked, but it just I've seen so too many of my friends and family go down
01:03:16
that path and then they can't get off them and then it's just even worse. It's
01:03:20
it's a drug addiction. That's my my thoughts on it. Um and I just overcome
01:03:25
meth addiction and you know it's the last thing I wanted to do is take another drug. You introduce something
01:03:31
new just Exactly. Exactly. What about um PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder? Yeah. What's your relationship like with
01:03:39
that? I haven't studied it, so I can't tell you exactly. Probably got it probably probably
01:03:45
diagnosed massively. Probably got it mass. I don't know. But I I mean, it's
01:03:52
probably enough to be like, "Yeah, I've got it." a friend of mine like a Richard the guy
01:04:00
I was talking about earlier he's got it through his war times you know when he
01:04:04
was a colonel in the South African army and he knows he's got it and it I can't
01:04:08
say I have flashbacks of like the day or anything know it's just and even during
01:04:14
the recovery process cuz cuz I'm pretty good at blacking things out you know I
01:04:18
can just shut it out and not worry about uh you know yeah I don't go back to my
01:04:24
darkest moments if that's the word for it. So maybe I've got a strong mindset
01:04:28
for that because if I went back to those times I'm just going to put myself into
01:04:33
a big whirlwind of darkness and I'm scared I'll never get out of it. So I
01:04:38
think it's that negative cycle. Yes. It's like sitting in front of you today
01:04:42
like we've been chatting for an hour now. Like it seems to me like I would think this guy's this this guy's done a
01:04:47
lot of work to get where he is today. But it feels like you've just done it all sort of internally.
01:04:52
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I can't say that I've gone out and you know I I've just
01:04:57
I've listened to people like the Tony Robbins and all that sort of stuff and
01:05:01
I've got really good friends of mine who are NLP got NLP degrees and my mate
01:05:06
Shane up in Tonga and he was the first one to sort of introduce me into going into this path of like finding yourself
01:05:14
and you know and Tony Robbins was the first guy really to sort of make me think about it at least and then
01:05:22
you know say again a bit deeper and bit deeper and then I'll go backwards and
01:05:25
then I'll come back and you know so it's been up and down the last 5 years but
01:05:30
the last two I've finally just got to a stage where I've realized like no this
01:05:34
is this is the best path look at the people you've met since look at the opportunities that have opened up since
01:05:42
look at the people that want to talk about it or talk to you about it like yourself and you know he's listen to you
01:05:47
on the the edge radio you know you and JJ and that and it was just it was cool like to get to talk to people like
01:05:53
yourselves and and then Dave, I've been following him the last couple of years
01:05:56
and his progress and what he's been up to. So I think I look at it now in a lot
01:06:01
better positive aspect of hey look at all the things that have opened up since you've been to the darkness. Yeah, it's
01:06:08
definitely a journey I would never wish upon anyone in order to find themselves and get to this level or to this stage.
01:06:14
But you know um when you have a when you always go to the new level there's always new devils. So that's the way I
01:06:20
look at things is this is all the new level for me, right? But overcoming my self-consciousness to myself that I
01:06:29
can do this and I can talk to people like yourselves and confidence and talk about my story and confidence,
01:06:36
you know. Yeah, I'm still challenging myself to that cuz yeah, like I say, I
01:06:41
set standards too high and a lot of people tell me I'm too hard on myself and
01:06:46
but yeah, to to a degree that's probably got me to where I am today anyway with
01:06:50
having this high standard, you know. Yeah, having like um I don't know like an extreme growth mindset or
01:06:56
perfectionism complex or whatever you want to call it. It's a blessing and a
01:06:59
curse. It's exhausting. It is. It is cuz you climb a mountain and then it's like,
01:07:03
"Oh [ __ ] no, there's another mountain." Exactly. Um, what was that saying before
01:07:06
about levels and devils? So, new levels, new devils, you know, I just sort of look at it like I'm always trying to
01:07:12
progress to the new level, right? But then I'm facing something that is and it's it's very uncomfortable. It's
01:07:19
it's an uncomfortable feeling. It's something that I don't want to do, but I
01:07:23
know I have to do it in order to grow and get to that new level. So, I Yeah, I heard it once and I was like, "Oh,
01:07:29
that's a cool one. I like that. New levels, new devils." I love um I love a
01:07:32
good quote e I'm a quote dispenser. Are you? Yeah, I I need to take them more
01:07:37
take them in more. But yeah, it's good for speaking. Yeah, you're good for your
01:07:41
keynotes. Yeah, we'll use that one. Yeah. Yeah. Um um maybe not necessarily like um identical to what you went
01:07:48
through, but what advice would you give someone going through a traumatic experience? Reach out. reach out to
01:07:54
reach out to anybody that is willing to not so much listen but if you don't have a good environment of
01:08:01
people around you you need to go and reach out to people that you might not know at all or you know it could be um
01:08:09
counselors it could be all of that sort of stuff especially if you don't want to
01:08:12
talk to the people around you because they might not be the right people to talk to at that time I just sort of look
01:08:17
at it like it's important to reach out to others about your issues and and and things
01:08:23
that you want to change. Um, always look for information that's going to make you better. I mean, if you know
01:08:32
you're struggling with trauma, like it we got Google, we got YouTube, we got
01:08:37
all this stuff nowadays. We got information at the palm of our hands to be able to
01:08:43
like get the information, you know? How do you deal with trauma? It It's as simple as that. Like that's how I look
01:08:50
at it. That's all I done. M um how do I become a better version of myself and
01:08:55
then you know I mean chat GPT is there nowadays simple and then you read it and you're like uh yeah true I didn't think
01:09:04
of that I mean I do meditation these days most mornings cold showers gym um I run you know I do lots of walking
01:09:15
most of the time I do anything to keep myself active because the mind especially my mind is So it's going a
01:09:21
million miles an hour that if it's in depression mode, the only way I can overcome it is by running or just doing
01:09:27
something physical to keep my mind focused and keep it away. So all I could encourage people to do is reach out
01:09:33
first exercise just just try and find a good environment of people good support network uh reach out to to any you know
01:09:43
and and don't be afraid to to take on new challenges you know especially if it's going to better yourself you know
01:09:51
taking that walk around the block or um you know reaching out to a counselor and speaking about the issues that you
01:09:58
have or you Just even talking to family, man, that like family might be the worst
01:10:03
or they could be the best cuz they know you better than you know yourself sometimes. So if you talk to them about
01:10:09
it, then they might be able to give you the advice. So So the the the 20 I'm talking to now um
01:10:18
so 14 years say after the accident are you um yeah how do you feel that it's
01:10:22
taken you 14 years to get to this point? Like could you have accelerated the process or do you think everything had
01:10:28
to happen? massive massively like I know I know deep down that I could have overcome this very quickly. I was stuck
01:10:36
in that victim mental and it was because I never reached out you know I never reached out and then and then even when
01:10:41
I did reach out and I was part of the burn support group and that was great but I was never continuing with it. It
01:10:47
was just little burst little burst little burst. Oh yeah, feel good now. I'm fine now. Carry on. And then boom,
01:10:53
hit another rock, hit another wall, hit another mountain. And instead of reaching out, I was just climbing it
01:11:01
myself. Now that's taught me resilience. But the process could have been so much
01:11:07
quicker if I just reached out. That that's what I know now is now that I do reach out, you know, I sound like a
01:11:14
howling dog to my friends these days. I've only got a couple of people, but it's enough for them to go, "God,
01:11:19
another issue, Troy. Come on." But they don't say that. But I know deep down
01:11:23
they think again. It's all good, Troy. You know, it's um but you know, what's
01:11:28
your next best decision or whatever, whatever. And it's, you know, it's good
01:11:32
things like that. It's good positive attitudes. I've got a friend of mine,
01:11:35
Dave Ernie. He's he's a good man. He's a good man. He he helps me. And I've had a
01:11:38
lot of really good friends, too, um in the past that have got me to these next levels of just acceptance and just being
01:11:47
positive. So, I've got to reach out to the old circle that I had too in terms
01:11:51
of um my friend Shane and Richard and all of them, but I just feel that yeah, it's uh I'm still getting over that
01:12:00
feeling [ __ ] m feeling shy and embarrassed and I haven't talked to you for ages, but can I talk to you like I
01:12:06
used to? And they'll do it in a heartbeat. I know that. But it's just my
01:12:10
that first step. Yeah. What's what's your relationship like with vulnerability? Like are you good at are
01:12:16
you good at talking about talking about things like with Have you got a partner at the moment or no? No. Or like you
01:12:23
your your tight group of friends like are you good at talking about things and communicating or No, you just sort of My
01:12:29
circle is pretty small nowadays. It's quite small in terms of every day. Yes.
01:12:33
Yeah. I I think it's just because I know what I want in terms of I I don't want
01:12:37
noise. Don't want negativity, toxic people. So my daytoday life I only really want to sort of but a lot of it
01:12:46
too you know talking about it is that I've actually got an amazing circle of
01:12:51
friends and and support and faro and all that but it's my own insecurities you
01:12:56
know it's just bringing people into the circle and then being burnt you know not
01:13:01
not physically but you know what I mean emotionally and metaphorically. Metaphorically that's the word. Yeah.
01:13:07
And so, so, you know, you just, you're just scared of bringing people in. You're scared of bringing people in. Um,
01:13:13
the bro Nick, um, he sort of talks to me. We talk every week about these sort of things. Just
01:13:20
having values, having values in your life. Mine is integrity, pride, um, and knowledge. You know, these are some of
01:13:29
my values that are whole key now. And it's hard to stick to these values at times because you got to live your life
01:13:34
to it as well. you know, you want good people with integrity in your life as well, you know. So, there's all of those
01:13:40
sort of things that come into play, but yeah, it's just the reaching out is is,
01:13:46
you know, I'm telling others to reach out, yet I struggle at the best of times
01:13:49
doing it myself. So, I don't want to be too hypocritical. No, but I think if you
01:13:53
can be aware of it, you know, it's something that you need to work on. Yes. Um, it's quite funny though, like on a
01:13:58
on a on a platform like this where um thousands of people will hear it. You know, you can sort of open up your one
01:14:04
anyway especially. But it's hard it's hard to have these conversations one-on-one with people that um that are
01:14:10
like, you know, rooting for you and want you to succeed and have your they're in
01:14:13
your corner and they have your best interest. It's [ __ ] that. It's probably
01:14:16
maybe it's Do you think it's like a hangover from you like your upbringing
01:14:19
in the early years and staunch mentality? It is. How old are you? What are you? I'm 37 now. Yeah. Yes. I'm 52
01:14:25
and I still battle with it. Yeah. Yeah. The vulnerability piece and just being open about things. Yeah. I got walls up.
01:14:30
I think it's a generational thing. Yeah. But but see, you must you must realize
01:14:34
too yourself, right? Going through, you know, doing these podcasts and stuff, you open up a bit more about yourself or
01:14:39
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I know I know how important it is. Yes. Yeah. But it's
01:14:43
still, you know, that vulnerability is a strength and not a weakness, but it still it doesn't make it any easier to
01:14:47
start start sharing with other people. Well, people people would look up to you too, right? So that's what I'm sort of
01:14:53
thinking in that aspect. If you're opening up about your vulnerabilities to the podcast, then people would be like,
01:15:00
"Wow, I didn't know that about you, you know, cuz you wouldn't think that at
01:15:04
all." Just like people think like that about me. Yeah. I'm the most insecure,
01:15:09
vulnerable guy you could probably think of at the time, you know. Oh, everyone's
01:15:12
got insecurities though. And the older you get, you realize that. And and also another thing um a perk of getting
01:15:18
older, you realize um you you worry so much about what other people think, but everyone's just thinking about
01:15:23
themselves. Exactly. No one cares about you really at the end of the day. No one
01:15:28
really does. So, how did you how did you get into the um the the keynote speak the public public speaking sort of
01:15:32
arena? Is that just sort of recent? Uh yeah, that was about a year and a half, two years ago. So it's quite funny like
01:15:39
a week before I took the first one on cuz I was very you know I didn't I was always scared of
01:15:45
taking opportunities you know I was a contractor avocados and I was doing all that and I was scared of you know taking
01:15:52
on big jobs or whatever it was and I said no no no from here on in Troy the next thing that gives you a good
01:15:58
opportunity in life you're going to say yes and then that popped up and I was
01:16:02
like oh [ __ ] because I was in front of 400 people and I'd never spoken thinking
01:16:07
about it ever about my story at all. [ __ ] Were you [ __ ] bricks? Oh, mate. The whole time I was reading it. I
01:16:13
just read it October 14 and I was looking up every now and then and like, you know, and then people were
01:16:21
just like looking like, "Oh my good." Cuz they'd see the photos and [ __ ] and
01:16:25
and yeah, I got through it. But jeez, it was the most one of the most scariest moments of my life. And I've been in
01:16:31
some very scary situations in my life in terms of, you know, the lifestyle back in the day. And you know, it could have
01:16:37
gone either way, but that wasn't a life or death situation, but that was still
01:16:41
like a very like it felt like I was going to die. So, oh yeah, public speaking is um yeah, they do list of
01:16:49
people's fears. Public speaking is always in the top three for most people's you biggest fears. It's they
01:16:55
say 80% of people I think the biggest fear is public speaking, speaking in front of big crowds. Yeah. But with with
01:17:02
with anything like that, um you start at level suck and you you get better and better and you get better very very
01:17:08
quickly. Yeah. So you're doing that now and your your own avocado business. Uh
01:17:12
yeah, I'm not so much doing that now. I run a um I run a like fruit stall at the
01:17:17
moment doing you know summer fruits and stuff like that. Uh crispy a we call it,
01:17:22
you know, from uh bit of dark humor behind um you know the crispiness. So yeah, Mr. Krispy they call me. So yeah,
01:17:30
there's a bit of that going on, but bit of dark humor. But yeah, I mean really
01:17:34
I'm I'm still transitioning more into wanting to to do the public speaking or
01:17:39
health and safety arenas like um consultancy maybe or something like that. So that that's sort of the
01:17:45
direction. So I can go across industries because I feel that my message about attitude covers everything. It's not
01:17:52
just like a building thing or you know farming or whatever any industry. It's
01:17:57
all about our attitudes towards hazards, towards safety, towards our own lives, you know, um to be better versions of
01:18:04
ourselves. So that's why I feel attitude is the most important thing. Yeah, man.
01:18:08
Oh, super inspiring. Um yeah, if you could go back in time and change anything about that day,
01:18:18
would you? You wouldn't get on the cherry picker. We would have We would have just been No, we're not picking
01:18:22
today, Dad. Yeah. You know, I don't care. Yeah. he might have got angry and ah we'll be all right so no I don't care
01:18:28
I'm not going to do it you know I wouldn't have gone uh and especially with the power lines um the power lines
01:18:35
going through the trees and that row wouldn't have touched them wouldn't have
01:18:40
touched them at all not leave that row completely we go to the next row and we just finish off I mean you know because
01:18:46
attitude back then was I wasn't scared of anything so that's just how it was
01:18:51
just wasn't scared of anything at all So yeah, if if if that hadn't happened on
01:18:57
that day in October 2011, how would life look like now? I would had to think to be honest. Um
01:19:05
well obviously I had changed my ways. So I wanted to change but I was doing this
01:19:10
a lot. I was doing well for a few months and then bang back on the pipe or back on the drink and cuz I missed the the
01:19:18
action or whatever it was. And so who knows? probably the the camaraderie as well and well the brotherhood. It was
01:19:24
cool to be in a group of brothers that you know who all had each other's back
01:19:28
and you know and that was what I was missing most of my life was that type of so but the problem is is like a lot of
01:19:34
my friends and family that are still in that world unfortunately they're either
01:19:37
still hooked or they're always in jail or even worse you know so not here anymore and
01:19:44
that's just how I sort of see the reality of probably what my life would have been still I probably would have
01:19:49
gone back maybe who knows but I'm glad that I'm not you My daughter has been
01:19:55
worth the whole journey. That's that's how I look at it cuz she's my bundle,
01:20:00
mate. She She's the one that keeps me on track when um I'm in deep [ __ ] in my
01:20:05
mindset, you know? She sort of rings me daily and keeps these uh I don't know.
01:20:10
We She's just very witty. She reminds me of my younger self back in those days.
01:20:14
Just the girl version. Yeah. So that's nice. But that that's a it's a big
01:20:18
burden for a young kid. Yeah, it is. It is. But she doesn't she doesn't know
01:20:22
like I don't sort of throw it on her like that. She it's just at times I'm
01:20:26
having a bad day and she's ringing me and I'm like, "Oh, hey honey." You know,
01:20:30
acting like everything's all good. And then I don't know. She just says, "I
01:20:33
love you, my dad." You know, whatever. It's just little things like that. I'm
01:20:37
like, "See, this is why you're still here, Troy." You know, so it keeps me on
01:20:40
track and it even pushes me to do things like this. Yeah. Um, anyone that's listening to this or watching this, if
01:20:48
you could leave them one key message about resilience, what would it be? One key word about resilience. One key
01:20:54
message. One key message. I suppose it's just just never give up and always reach out. I mean, it's the
01:21:02
same thing really. I suppose um resilience, it's a mindset really. That's what I
01:21:09
believe anyway. Resilience. You just have to somehow find a way to overcome the adversity that you're facing at the
01:21:16
time. And I mean, it's hard for me to say cuz it's different for everyone. Um, but at the
01:21:22
same time, like that's why I always base it on attitude. I mean, you just got to
01:21:25
somehow try and find gratitude and everything that you have. I mean, in New Zealand alone,
01:21:32
you know, we've got food, water, shelter, you know. I mean, we got all these things that 90% of the world don't
01:21:38
have, even more maybe nowadays. It's probably even worse. So, that alone you
01:21:43
should be just grateful for. Um, resilience is just Yeah, it's a hard one cuz it's
01:21:51
Yeah, it's that warrior spirit, right? You're always fighting and it's hard out
01:21:55
there, man. It's very difficult out there financially, like just living. social media pressures if you,
01:22:04
you know, consume yourself in it. I mean, you know, social media is probably a big thing. Like, if if if it's that
01:22:10
bad, I mean, you're probably doing scrolling all day every day and watching other
01:22:16
people succeeding and you're not. And, you know, that's not resilience in my
01:22:20
mind. You know, if you if you want to be one of those guys, you got to realize that you have to go through the darkness
01:22:25
in order to see the light. M you know you have to like if you want to get fit and strong well you have to go through
01:22:31
the darkness of running and training and going through the times that you don't
01:22:35
want to do it to come out the other side and actually look good and feel good you
01:22:39
know um everything takes challenge you know it's like you say you know it's
01:22:45
just overcoming it that's really overcoming the adversity and facing it head on yeah that's cool if your
01:22:53
daughter was here today um and I asked her to say three words to describe dad and his character and the sort of person
01:23:01
he is. What would she say? She wouldn't say anything. She too shy. She wouldn't say anything at all.
01:23:09
What would she be thinking though? Um I would like to think that she thinks dad's cool. He's the coolest dad. He's
01:23:19
she says it enough. So yeah, I think that's what she'll say. Dad is cool.
01:23:23
[ __ ] That's awesome. Dad is the coolest. Um Um Yeah. Strong. Yeah. Dad's strong. And um
01:23:36
he makes lots of money, which I don't. It looks great though. When you're a
01:23:41
kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see money from the roadside, which is lots of money, Dad. That's lots of money, honey.
01:23:47
Trust me. That's why I need you to learn maths, cuz once business comes in and
01:23:52
Yeah. You see all this money goes that way. So you get left with this cool, strong, and rich.
01:24:00
I wouldn't say. Yeah, it's not bad. That's not bad. That's um from an
01:24:03
11year-old. We we actually joke about it, you know. She's like, "You say
01:24:06
you're always poor." And I'm like, "Yeah, well see." And that's that's what
01:24:10
I'm working on, right? Dad's poor. He can't afford to get this and that. And
01:24:14
but yeah. So And are you proud of yourself? Getting there? Yes, I am. I am. Of course I am. I I say it enough in the
01:24:22
mornings. First thing I say in the morning is I'm powerful. I'm strong. I'm
01:24:26
an inspiration. I'm motivation. I'm motivational to others. So, I do all of
01:24:31
these things intentionally uh just to channel it in the brain cuz the subconscious is saying all the old
01:24:38
crap which I need to get out, flick it out, and put new stuff in. Um but I am I I I am proud, you know, deep down I am.
01:24:48
I just need to get in the forefront as opposed to it being in the background. You know, I look at all the problems and
01:24:55
not realizing the the actual realities of how far I have actually come in in the last 13 years especially, but
01:25:02
especially in the last two. Yeah. So that that mantra before that you just recited off the top of your head. So you
01:25:09
you stand in front of the mirror and do that or just when I wake up first thing when you're lying in bed. Yeah. Yeah.
01:25:14
Yeah. Especially if I'm feeling really negative like or tired. But other days
01:25:18
where you don't feel like doing it. Well, cuz I'm in bed so it's easy,
01:25:22
right? So, no, no, no, no, no, Troy. Troy, cuz you know, some mornings you're
01:25:26
like, "Oh, man. I'm tired." No, no, no. I'm powerful. I'm strong. I'm, you know,
01:25:31
I'm motivational. I'm inspiration to people. You got to get up. You got to
01:25:34
get up. And then, you know, I do some meditation, affirmation meditations. Just have it, you know, on the phone and
01:25:41
just chuck it on. and then do some situps and press ups and then straight into the shower, moisturize, and then
01:25:50
that's usually my daily routine there. Well, I make the bed obviously and then
01:25:54
my daily routine and just that's how I usually start most days. So, that's my
01:26:00
new routines that I've been doing the last year especially. Yeah. Inspirational.
01:26:09
Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool, mate. There's going to be Thanks so much for
01:26:12
being so Is it hard to talk about? It is actually. Yeah. Is it? It is. Yeah. You've been really cool today. I think
01:26:17
you've been like really really open and I think there's going to be so many
01:26:20
people that get so much out of this. Oh, that's great, man. That's the main
01:26:22
thing. E that's the main thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that. Troy Hall, I'm so pleased we finally
01:26:27
connected. Appreciate you, my friend. You're a good man. Thank you very much.
01:26:30
Yeah. Yeah. I hope you're proud of yourself because you bloody deserve to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's
01:26:35
it's a work in progress, but yeah. I I would say I'm about 50 60% of the way
01:26:39
there. M. So if any publishers listening to this, give the man a [ __ ] book deal. Yeah. No, I've had a few people
01:26:45
hit me up about a book and have you not keen? Um just just going through it, you
01:26:50
know, cuz it's slow process. So yeah, cuz I would have to go through like, you
01:26:54
know, we've done an hour and a half. Jeez, it would just be Oh, hour and a half at a time and it'll be only little
01:27:00
sections and that's how I feel anyway. I'm sort of putting anxiety in front of
01:27:05
it. So yeah. Yeah. But if you have these opportunities, you know. Yeah. Oh, [ __ ]
01:27:09
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you could jump at them, though. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Hey. Hey, I'm
01:27:15
here. I'm here. Oh, Troy. Hey, thanks so much for coming on the podcast, mate. Appreciate it.
01:27:20
Thank you.