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Zealand, it all comes from here. That's Lisa Carrington. She's been doing that
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first. >> Mark Wilson, welcome to my podcast. >> Thank you. I'm very happy to be here.
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>> I'm happy to have you here. Um, you got this new book out, Wobbles. Where where
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did the nickname Wobbles come from? >> Uh, well, the people who are watching
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this will probably work it out, but um, but I was listening. Uh I have cable py which means I
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uh move around a lot quite a lot quite a bit more than most people. That's why
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I'm so skinnier as well. But not because I've under um so yeah, bubble this is a
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lick name that was um bought bought up and I thought you know what um it describes
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how I move um and it was sort of one of those things you know I did get bullied a lot though
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taking away one name I guess and owning It was I only it myself. >> Oh, like Yeah. So re reclaiming it.
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>> Absolutely. >> Are there any other any other names or words that you've reclaimed?
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>> Really get offended very easily. they get most most I like to have a bit of a laugh,
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you know, and um yeah, just words, you know, I get um just with my movements like how yeah, how I move, how I, you
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know, eating can be quite fun to watch. So, you know, um quite often my fingers get described as a bag of twisties. um
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which which cats and dogs love, especially if they're affectionate. But um >> yeah, like I say, I yeah, I do like to
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kind of have a bit of a laugh with >> with most situations. Um I feel like no
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matter what the situation, if you can sort of see any any funny joke, make the difficult parts a little bit easier to
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deal with. >> Yeah. My my hope um with this podcast is that um first of all it allows people to
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get to know you a bit better cuz you're a good bastard. Um and secondly it gives
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gives you people a greater understanding about CP and what it means to live with
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CP because I think a lot of us don't sort of have an understanding. Um so it's great to have you here and your
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your book by the way amazing wobbles. So people can look for that online and buy
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it online. Um but this is um apart from the beginning of it which sort of sets the tone for the book. If I'm going to
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tell my story, it's not going to be depressing. There won't be any feeling
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sorry for myself. I'm not a winger and I try to stay positive and that sets the
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tone for the book. >> Yeah. Um, like I say, it wasn't going to be what I was seeing. I'm very much a
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look at the butt side. Um, and I I I believe that um if you can't laugh at yourself or you
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know, then what you know what's the point? Well, everyone kind of has things
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going on, things they don't like about themselves or um but it's not it's I
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don't tend to take myself too seriously. I like to focus on what I can do rather
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than the things I can't do. >> And yeah, I wanted that to come across in the book.
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>> Yeah. Oh, and it did come across um Yeah. Yeah. Very very well. [ __ ] There's some good stories in there.
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>> Some of I'm reading I'm like, why would he why would he choose to leave this?
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>> Actually, I've got um I got a a visual um show and tell thing to begin with.
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What are what are these? paper clips. My nemesis. >> What's the significance significant of
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these little plastic things? >> These paper clips. Well, now they're paper is even worse. Um, but yes, brick
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clips are my nemesis. So why >> um my fine motor skills are the most effective of my py. Um, so for me trying
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to trying to take a break off a bread bag involves your two, you know, index finger and your thumb, which mine don't
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do as they told ever. M >> um so yeah, if I try and make myself a sandwich, I I end up with a
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deconstructed, you know, piece of bread that I've tried to push out a tiny hole or I just grab a
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knife and cut the bag open and then all the bread ruined for everyone else. So yeah, they like, you know, keep the bird
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fresh, but um whoever invented those did not have cable pausy at the front of their mind. What what what other um
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day-to-day things that that um some of us would take for granted um that you struggle with? Like can you do up the
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buttons? I'm I might ask some really dumb questions here, but I promise it doesn't I was going to say it doesn't
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come from a place of ignorance, but actually it does. >> That's fine. That's why I'm here.
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Can you can you do up buttons on your shirt? >> I cannot do up buttons. So, as much as I
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would like to sit here and look all sexy, my partner was not keen. So, um yeah, our morning routine looks quite
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quite different to a lot and uh it takes it takes a lot to get me to as people see me here. And at work, um, my partner
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has to prepare prepare my breakfast and then also feed it to me cuz I can't feed myself.
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>> Um, and then obviously, yeah, to get ready for work, I have to button my
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shirt up before before I leave the house. Um yeah, so certain things like that which
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I I guess are not not quite normal for anyone else. Um I always have to be uh conscious of okay who's around how can I
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get what I need today? So I need you know food, water to get dressed for work. Um and how is it going to look?
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I guess my life revolves around being reliant on other people, which is which is quite
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it's it's hard. I obviously prefer to be a lot more independent, but that's not
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the case. Um but yeah, I it it works and we I want to be uh part of society like everyone else, which is
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why when I'm outside of home. Um you won't see a lot of that going on. When I
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leave the house, I'm prepared. I have everything I need to get me through that
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that day or that event or or whatever. But um yeah, and obviously coming home but work at least is there my partner is
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there again to to feed me. Um yeah, we're lucky that we have um you know, my
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mom and dad are still around and her parents as well. you know, cuz I don't want uh my partner
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to miss out on things like, you know, going away with the girls or with work. Um because she feel like she has to, you
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know, feed me or be my >> be my helper. I didn't want to help her. I wanted a partner.
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>> Yeah. >> Um so that line gets very can be quite bad. But yeah, um yeah, we we like to
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have mom and dad around to to kind of step in when so can still go and do those things just as I can. Um yeah. So
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yeah, it's um we make it work. And I say it's all because um yeah, I I feel like
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I don't have any excuse not to be, you know, out there working, contributing.
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Yeah. Yeah. It's a it's um I mean there there's not an ounce of self-pity from
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you, but it's it's a rough hand to be dealt because everything is that much
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harder. But um it's worth pointing out um like you're an incredibly smart dude
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like in the top 15% of your classes at university. You got a business degree. You work as a business an analysist
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at um A&Z Bank. Um you're you know you're a smart guy and you're
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contributing member to society, but everything just takes that much longer. It's it's it's it's rough.
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>> It is. Yeah, it is rough. And I I don't like to dwell on it, but I do like that
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um the book has kind of opened a little bit of a window into what it's like. And
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I guess talking to um >> on these kind of platforms is another really great way just so people
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can just Yeah. pull the curtain back and say, "Holy crap." Like >> like
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to to see my at work. they see me as a colleague and probably no idea what goes on to to get me to that point. Um, but
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no, I I say before I don't like to dwell with it and yeah, I don't feel I have
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any excuse not to be not to be out there. >> So, um, you can you you've got your
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license, you drive your own car. >> Yeah. >> Is it is it mod modified or anything?
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>> I was quite fortunate. My my father and all his fatherly wisdom decided that
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before I could walk, I was going to drive a go-kart. I didn't walk till I was 6 years old. Um
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he got me the go-kart at five and he was sort of like, well, if he's not going to
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walk, you're still going to get around somehow. Um which made it a lot easier
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when it came time to get my driver's license. Um and that is one of the things that really changed um
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changed my life. Um it gave me a whole new independence cuz I'm so dependent back then on my
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mom. >> Um and then I was like all of a sudden, wow, I can take myself to school. I can
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go and see my my f my other family members. I Yeah, it was just it was it was really cool. So, yeah, quite
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fortunate. Um I aced all the driving uh lessons and um tests and all that. Um and yeah, my dad also is into cars. So
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very yeah as as well as the daily brother I I own a V8 hold in Kingswood 1973. So
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>> yeah you're a bogan e or Aussie or whatever you want to call me. I prefer boers cuz I'm definitely
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not Australian. Um >> but yeah. No it's good. >> You well full transparency I I drive a
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Holden as well. I didn't realize it was a bogan car until I got it. I got a Holden Commodore and my sister said to
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me, um, she goes, "Oh, you're a you're a cub." And I said, "What's a cub?" She
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said, "It's a cashed up bogan." >> But you're, um, I'm not a bogan, though.
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Like, but you you were a full bogan. Like, um, yeah, your favorite band's Devil Skin. You
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>> Absolutely. >> You've been to more Devil Skin concerts than maybe the bass player of Devil
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Skin? >> Probably. Yeah. Yeah. >> Like 100. >> It's insane. Yeah. I think I I think I
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went to two I think I went to three of their concerts on one of their tours. just a bit is a bit lut. But I love
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Yeah, I do. I love rock music. Devil skin was kind of coming on the scene when I got into into rock music and I
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just was like, "Oh, wow. These two guys that go, "Oh crap, they're from New
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Zealand." Like that's even that's even better. Yeah. >> And massive massive um Greg Murphy fan.
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He was probably your favorite athlete growing up. Have you have you met Murf? Do you know Murf?
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>> I have not met Greg yet. And it would be great to be able to or even get him a
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copy of the book cuz he he is uh he does get a mention. >> Well, he he gets just about as many
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mentions as your mom. >> He's so thirsty for M. >> He was childhood idol. Um yeah, but um
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yeah, he he was your dad loved V8 and he was the Kiwi driver. Yeah. So, he was a like you did child
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childhood idol. Yeah. Growing up. >> So, um there's there's a phrase that um
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people use these days when they they talk about um when they talk about different sort of um I don't know if
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disability is the words, but if they if you talk about ADHD or you talk about autism or you talk about CP, there's a
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phrase that people use. They say it's a superpower. Have you heard that? >> I've heard it. I don't quite
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>> Yeah. Would you say it's a superpower? I haven't quite got uncomfortable with
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anything, but I I haven't quite I guess you could say own that word yet. It's
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not really um I think uh the some of the things that I can do because of my zero could be a superpower
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like like what I can cut my lines at the airport like that's awesome. Like people love
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traveling with me because it's like boo just get my Oh yeah. So yeah all the
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kids probably not after this but everyone knows my secret now. Um and you you got um when you were little you got
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a you some of your poor behavior got got let off. You were excused. >> Yeah. A bit like that. I had a teacher
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Yeah. It was my mom actually made him discipline me cuz he wasn't going to but
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uh yeah mom got in there made sure made sure I got the same punishment which is good I want to be treated like everyone
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else. Um but yeah back then I was like what are you what are you doing? But no, so the word superower I I think in the
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in the in the context of what I can do um because of it that some people can't
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maybe >> maybe but I I do like that it's it's a good word that is associated
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with disability. Um >> cuz quite old they just like [ __ ] or handic handicap they still carry some
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kind of negative and people getting can become offended by those words. I certainly got called a lot though those
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things. Um, but yes, so I guess any any word that empowers disability is is great, far better than
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the ones that I I just mentioned. >> Yeah. Oh, well said. All right, let's go
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back to the early years. First of all, Mark Wilson, what are your earliest memories? my earliest memories.
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You got to be careful here because I've obviously read my own I've read my own
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story from the aspects of my mom. So try not to make up my um memories. There's there's memories of being fed my
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back then, you know, I had a bottle um from my dad. That was always one of my my favorite times. um in the morning. Um
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yeah, in our in our old house. That would probably be one of my earliest earliest memories.
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>> I I did a lot of therapy as a kid. Yeah. >> Like not like um therapy as we used
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>> physical therapy. >> Yeah. Physical. Um >> I don't actually have a lot of memory
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>> of that. I'm not sure if that's because I was young or because it was a a time
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for us. >> Um, which I'm I think I'm quite lucky cuz I've only got good memories of
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>> both my mom and my dad as as a kid, but it was very different for >> for them. Um,
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yeah. So, so I think that would be the first kind of Yeah. in the lounge with dad.
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>> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> The um in your book Wobbles, there's um
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there's sections that are written by your mom and sections that are written by your dad. And [ __ ] the the work they
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put in to um create the man that's sitting in front of me today. It's tremendous. E it's a it's a tremendous I
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I suppose sacrifice is the word. Like the um the outcome for you at birth was that you you don't be unlikely to ever
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walk or talk. >> Yeah, that's correct. Yeah. So my mom and dad were told I would never walk or
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talk. Don't And I also told like what what does that mean? Yeah. Don't expect much. That's that's you. Um
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and dad he was really he didn't like not being able to do anything. He's like there's
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got to be something I can do to help. Um, and they had no idea of what my future looked like. They just wanted to
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do anything something. Um, and yeah, the fact and it was a sacrifice. Um, the fact that they're still together is
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an absolute miracle. And there's no other way to put it cuz I know families that
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>> didn't do a program but have disabled children and it's just unfortunately it
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becomes too much and you get consumed by it and um unfortunately you um there's a
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highlight separation of >> um but yeah my parents are they st by each other um through some really tough
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really tough times and I'm I'm very thankful. Um I was born into amazing
00:19:42
parents. Um it's my I know it's my story but I guess reading it from my dad's and and my
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perspective even made me think like you know would I would I be that dedicated? Would could I do what they what they did
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if I hadn't I don't have children but could I you know would I be willing to
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do what they did to sacrifice so much and it's a >> it's a question I Yeah.
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Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Cuz it was >> I think you just would it's it's
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unconditional love at the end of the day. >> Absolutely. Yeah. There's um yeah in the
00:20:28
opening chapter from um your mom Shirley um there's there's a quote here um which
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is just [ __ ] heartbreaking um I was such a bad mother a complete failure every night I hated my son and I hated
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myself even more for hating him. Yeah. Like when when you're reading the draft
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of the book and you read that how how do you feel? I I read it, this is going to sound
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weird, but I read it as though I was I was reading it from an outside like it didn't really register that that was my
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mom or she was talking about me. I was just reading it as like like anyone else would read it. M
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>> and then there was like the the second part kicked in which is what your which
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what you used to listen to was holy [ __ ] that's my mom >> you're talking about me
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>> that's my that's her story and that's what I I led her to feel like that and I
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got not that it was my fault but I I didn't feel bad or like hated or anything I just like uh like
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just yeah felt very I felt sorry for um and yeah just I but with me I'm like so thankful cuz I
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know she didn't she didn't do all that and go through those difficult times and
00:22:02
>> as you said I wouldn't be here talking to you like this um yeah know if it
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wasn't for their hard hard work your life would look completely different Where is there a moment like do you
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remember the the first time that you um became aware that you were different? >> Uh yes I do. Um
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the therapy involved 30 volunteers coming into our house every week. >> Wow.
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>> We worked 4 hours a day, six days a week on on doing on doing exercises. Um and
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that was up until I was still 6 years old. So my from birth to six, I had just been surrounded by people that knew the
00:22:47
situation in me. I had this great like village I guess and they all be there for one goal and that was to get my
00:22:57
talking or walking or or whatever. Um, and then where I went to school, a mainstream school, I had a walking
00:23:07
frame and no other kid had walking frame. I had a teacher aid, no other kid had teacher aid. And I was like, ah, all
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right. Like I always knew like mom and dad I knew I was different because I had cousins and stuff and
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a sister but I never never really I never sunk in that I was actually like not like everyone else.
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>> Yeah. Um, so yeah, thankfully primary school kids are are more curious than
00:23:45
anything. They they see someone like me and they they want they really, you know, you would think they're rude, but
00:23:54
they just they just want to know. >> It's innocence. >> Yeah, it's so innocent. And um and once
00:24:00
they know, that's it. They just want to carry on. they want to play or you know
00:24:07
it's it's so easy. Yeah, my my primary school was would filled with lots of fun and
00:24:14
friends and there was the you know as you go through the years everyone knows who you are and the young ones all kind
00:24:22
of get you know get older that's my you know don't believe everyone half the
00:24:29
school um yeah stepping out of primary school into into college was where um that was where I really kind of it
00:24:44
really set in me that okay >> I'm a hell of a lot >> um >> and like
00:24:53
since that point my cable py was always viewed as a good thing >> like like you said hey maybe that word
00:25:04
is good like a superpower I guess Um and then it was quickly turned around and um
00:25:12
what the I guess it was the butt of every joke at school. It was um Yeah, it was the most low hanging fruit
00:25:23
I guess. And um >> is this secondary school we're talking about here? >> Secondary school. Yeah.
00:25:27
>> Did Did you Did you spend much time like wishing things were different or asking
00:25:31
why me? I mean you're such a positive guy now, but were there periods or patches?
00:25:36
like like kind of a what if thing? >> Yeah. Well, just like why me? Why you
00:25:41
know? >> Absolutely. Like even even today I you know I I want to go and have a pie like
00:25:51
I can't do that. You know why? Yeah. I I carry on. But um yeah, in those in those years definitely, you know, lying
00:26:02
in bed, didn't want to get out of bed because I knew what school was going to
00:26:06
be. And you just look at everyone else at school. >> You got 1,200 kids and here I am. It's
00:26:16
like, well, how what? Yeah. So, absolutely. I had that. Why me? Um, yeah, it pissed me off, but I think my
00:26:28
my upbringing was is not to feel sorry for yourself and um I never really let it get
00:26:37
>> get beyond get beyond that and um chose to focus on on more positive things.
00:26:45
>> Yeah. >> How um yeah the the the bullying at school what like what what did it look
00:26:50
like? What were they saying or doing? But you know you you get bullies and you get the you get the ones that not many
00:26:58
brain cells to put together. So you know they just they say what they say it's
00:27:04
like [ __ ] or that was a big one or um something they got quite clever. I remember when KFC did a a promotion on
00:27:16
boneless chicken. I got called by the chicken for for quite a while. Yeah, I was like girl
00:27:28
original. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. So that one stood out. But now the
00:27:34
big one was handy [ __ ] >> It's disgusting. >> Yeah. Oh, it it was what it was. um
00:27:46
I had quite the quite the vocabulary as as well. So um I didn't I wasn't one to just take it. I sort of
00:27:58
used my um my cousins on the farm and they had them their old they taught me some colorful language out there. So
00:28:08
yeah, I would always fire something back twice as bad as what they would and I'd
00:28:14
be the one that got in trouble. You know, you know, you you sort of allude to this in your in your book, but
00:28:24
it's um the way it's written, it's very politely, but um yeah, this is a
00:28:28
podcast, so it's the wild west. Anything goes, what what were some of the retaliations? You you'd say to them that
00:28:35
you you [ __ ] their mom. >> They were some something very Yeah. >> Like what exactly?
00:28:42
>> It' be oh, you know, I get called something and I'd say, "Oh, your mom was
00:28:46
loving it last night." Yeah. And um yeah, I used to get more the bullies for the girls when I would
00:29:00
say, you know, you wouldn't even get to the hook or so they call me this and I'd fire back
00:29:10
that I'd fire that with that and was in the pit office. I sometimes you'd even say to the
00:29:19
bullies that you you you'd done sexual stuff with their dad. >> Absolutely. Nothing nothing was off
00:29:25
limits, right? You you have a go at me. I I'll have a go at you. But be prepared. I think one
00:29:33
one girl even even uh she started crying. I was like, "Hang on, you're the
00:29:40
one that go um and you can't cop it. Don't don't don't d it out.
00:29:48
>> Um yeah, they were some of my um more more out there comments that would have me
00:29:55
quite a lot quite a lot of trouble. Um but yeah, usually it was just a lot of swearing at them or, you know, drop the
00:30:05
bomb in there and >> and stuff. It was I don't feel bad for it. Um, and it it didn't it doesn't
00:30:14
help. I still got bullied. Like >> I guess it was a sort of a small wind type thing, but
00:30:23
>> I looking back maybe I don't know if I would have handled myself any different.
00:30:28
No, I it was at the time like I say as gave me a small win but I can put up with name calling I don't that like [ __ ]
00:30:44
whatever you know the more the better that's why but the um >> what really got to me was the the social
00:30:55
exclusion and it was yeah to the point where the bobbies would bobby anyone who even tried to talk to
00:31:07
me or become my friend. So that's like that was what got me. Um, and unfortunately it was I'm not sexist but
00:31:19
it was the girl like guys did say something you punch in the face and you carry on. But man, girls get they get
00:31:28
really really nasty and um yeah, so why would you come and hang out with Mark if
00:31:36
you're going to get bullied for it like that? So, so yeah, that was a new one
00:31:41
for me cuz I' i'd never experienced that before at P music school. Um, so yeah, that that was that was probably
00:31:50
the toughest part of part of it. >> Yeah. So, were you there that was the worst time of your life, would you say,
00:31:56
through high school? >> Definitely one of the worst. Absolutely. Um there were people in the school I
00:32:06
guess worried but I I I wasn't a telltale cuz like I always see something twice as bad as back if I tell someone
00:32:20
they've got they got ammunition as well. So I should have just shut my mouth but
00:32:27
you know here we are. But um so no it was um it was definitely definitely one of the double time they
00:32:37
were concerned you know school counselors got involved just on my part but not many people I don't think anyone
00:32:49
knew my mom and dad didn't know until they read the book so >> Oh really? That was quite
00:32:58
>> That was quite That was probably the hardest bit for both mom and dad to like
00:33:06
they were just getting told, "Oh, Mark's not doing or he norally does or Mark
00:33:15
said this to someone." Um and I just take the pose. >> Why um why did your parents not know
00:33:23
until the book was coming out? you when you read the book, you get a sense of your upbringing. Your parents, as we've
00:33:28
established, they they did all they can to give you the best life possible. They
00:33:32
didn't want you to be treated any differently. Um there were even times where they forced the school to punish
00:33:37
you cuz the school was going to Why Why didn't you go home and tell them what
00:33:40
was happening at school? >> It's almost like you're protecting the
00:33:43
bullies in a way. Well, I said before, I'd say something's quite as bad, but
00:33:49
like I'm going to get myself in trouble as well, but I I guess I'm just not not
00:33:56
really a telltale. That was sort of the that was where it come from. And I don't
00:34:03
I think also I I thought at the time um that would bring more attention to me like you know if the if that was
00:34:18
happening the school were very quick to put it in a news like we don't tolerate
00:34:24
this >> okay >> or or get me get take make a big statement at assembly I'm like I don't
00:34:32
want to be single out like that's why I'm getting bodies in first place like
00:34:37
it's um a little more um but Yeah, that's why I didn't really I didn't really tell anyone.
00:34:49
Yeah. Um, what about you had a teachers aid? Where was your teachers aid when when all this was going on
00:34:54
>> again? I sort of had it from her as well. At lunchtime, I didn't have a teacher aid.
00:35:02
>> Yeah. Um, and they I guess they didn't really know me from primary school, so they kind of maybe
00:35:11
thought this was my behavior was was just me. That was how I was. Um, no, look, I don't blame anyone. Like the
00:35:22
schools are always they do their best, right? But in my view, there will always be bullies
00:35:29
no matter what you do. Every school has them. M >> um and I unfortunately you know you got
00:35:37
to find your own way to to kind of cope and look absolutely education is great knowing that it's not okay you know um
00:35:49
that's great too but the the best thing you can do is is just play and find something that you love outside of
00:35:58
outside of that um issue and just focus on that. Just go go for that and you know you got amazing parents or someone
00:36:08
around you. Um that's what get me going was I had this amazing network outside of school.
00:36:19
So I was only at school for so many hours a day and after that I was like I had a great network of people. I had my
00:36:28
family. of doing cool things. Um, I just did my best to focus on on on that side
00:36:38
of my life rather than getting bogged down in >> what was going on at school.
00:36:44
>> What would from what I can gather, I think I may have read this in your book,
00:36:48
there's something like 1,700 people in in New Zealand with CP. What would your message be to like any
00:36:55
any younger person that's still going through school that has CP? What would
00:36:59
you say to them? >> Exactly. That is just yeah, find something that you enjoy or focus on the
00:37:07
people who do love you and support you and like you don't need to worry about the other
00:37:16
people. They're not even be for five or six years. They'll probably go to um clean the toilet somewhere
00:37:27
after, you know, >> or be hookers. >> That's right. Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] a savage. Actually, there's
00:37:37
Yeah. Um there there's even a story you you told a stranger to [ __ ] off when you
00:37:41
were four. >> Yeah. Yeah. I think mom tried to cover that one up and was like, "No, that's
00:37:49
not what he was exactly what I said." >> How How did you know the f word at four?
00:37:57
Like I say, I c >> and um and dad's language wasn't the greatest I
00:38:08
swear as bad just in context. It's okay. Um and yeah, we just got brought up.
00:38:16
>> It was it was like you were born a bogan. Eh, >> but having 30 strangers volunteers, they were
00:38:24
strangers. We used to advertise in the paper for help with my therapy. So, and there
00:38:31
was no police meeting back then or anything. He's just like, "Yeah, we're
00:38:36
taking anyone we could." Like, "Yeah, you want to put up with my son for now?"
00:38:41
Yeah, go for it. Um, and they all had colorful language and stuff. They were all all of them were such amazing
00:38:52
people. I just love that they're part of my story and journey. Not one of them was
00:39:02
had negative experience stuff and we got we were very um spoiled who we got to come into our house. It was great.
00:39:12
>> Yeah. So these these volunteers So that's I'm I guess this is like the late
00:39:16
' 90s early 2000s. >> Yes, that's right. >> Yeah. What was in it for them? Just a
00:39:21
sense of a sense of goodwill >> giving back. >> Yeah. Mom was always really big on like
00:39:27
she hated me and it's like why would any other person I mean willingly choose to
00:39:34
like be with my son. Um but the world is is good and this is why I love I love doing what we're doing. I
00:39:45
love talking. I love hearing people's stories. I love sharing mine is that there are such good people out
00:39:53
there. M >> and that they you're right, John. They did it for just the good of um
00:40:02
there was one man he um he just said it um it changed his life by helping me change his life. he
00:40:15
um wasn't very present with his kids back when they were young and he still kind of saw it as a not making up or
00:40:26
maybe yeah making up for that and it's um so you don't know what people's
00:40:31
legends are. >> Yeah, >> we were just very thankful that they were there. Um and
00:40:38
yeah, I'm still friends with some of them today which is good. >> Yeah.
00:40:45
Um, just back to the bullying thing. So, after leaving school, like um have have
00:40:50
you bumped into any of these bullies? You seen seen them in the wild? Um, not I did get one of them a few years
00:40:59
ago. Maybe it was after a concert. I did bump into at the end I bumped into a few
00:41:07
at a concert or out in town when I was 18, 19. Um, and I was fortunate to have my own
00:41:17
friend. I had a good friend group uh after school and yeah, they want to come up and pretend everything was great and
00:41:26
it's like hang on like you were [ __ ] I'm not talk to you. It's like I didn't
00:41:33
remember what you did like um Yeah. And they were Yeah. They wanted to talk cuz everyone was like, you know, I was
00:41:43
having a good time with people and they kind of try and get it's like no, hang
00:41:49
on. I'm not Yeah, there's no I know what you did. Um, and yeah, I I haven't fell
00:41:56
into many, but yeah, definitely a few. It's been interesting how they just uh
00:42:02
very short memories. >> Yeah. Yeah. You wonder you wonder how they how they reflect on that time and
00:42:06
maybe maybe they've minimized their own behavior or maybe they feel guilty for
00:42:10
being [ __ ] >> I do have a good story. I when I first moved to Aland I moved out with my mate
00:42:18
but he went uh away and lives in the UK and he is my carer. So I got another car
00:42:27
and and he was actually a bully from my school that bullied me. >> Oh. And the first thing I said to him
00:42:34
when he walked in, I'm like, "You used to bully me." And he goes, "Yep, I was
00:42:40
an absolute [ __ ] at school and I'm so sorry." And that's the only time I've
00:42:47
he owned it. He's just like, "Yeah, I was a prick. I was an absolute He said
00:42:52
the C word of a child." Um, he just owned it and we became great mates. Like
00:42:58
he he was such a good carer. M >> um and we joked about it but after that but so that was the one moment where
00:43:07
yeah someone has actually owned it. >> Yeah the impact um god kids can be so
00:43:13
cruel eag >> I'm getting upset just thinking teenagers you think you think they'd
00:43:18
know that's an age where you'd know better but I suppose it I don't know I
00:43:22
don't know >> you're a lot more socially aware of like of your image which I hate. I'm
00:43:29
>> I'm such a big advocate for being yourself, being genuine. Um, and unfortunately, the way the world
00:43:38
is right now is going everything against that. >> Um, >> you always trying to recreate someone's
00:43:47
Instagram page. Um, which ain't live. It's a slipper of it's the good part of
00:43:54
>> it's not life. But unfortunately, we live in a world where you kids are
00:44:00
striving for that. Um, and when you're at at college, you know, it's not very good
00:44:10
for your image, but it wasn't when I was at college to to be hanging around with
00:44:15
a disabled dude. >> Yeah. Yeah, it's frustrating the way from what I know about um CP is like on the inside
00:44:24
you feel completely normal, but it's just this um this this disability or this condition that's visible from the
00:44:30
outside, but anyone that takes um a moment to and it does require a little bit of patience like to get to know you
00:44:37
or to get to get through that. Um you you get to meet a really good bastard. I think I think that's that is my I will
00:44:46
call it a superpower is that I have an amazing filter for [ __ ] >> Um because as you just said it once you
00:44:57
take some time to get to know me, you know, listen and you work out I'm just
00:45:03
like everyone else told this guy a good bastard. Let's go have a beer. like um
00:45:08
that and the people that don't hear me or they'll they'll talk overly or at me
00:45:16
and I've said something and they'll answer with something completely different. It's like, okay, you haven't
00:45:23
taken the time to try and understand me or even ask me to repeat myself. Um you know, it's probably a little bit insight
00:45:33
into the kind of person they are. So, I'm left with like this pool of just really good people
00:45:42
>> that are genuine and yeah I I say definitely a superpower I can I can spot
00:45:50
[ __ ] for my a mile away. >> Yeah of experience you weed out the fakes. >> Absolutely. Yeah.
00:46:01
>> Um what uh yeah when do you think your mom's been most proud of you?
00:46:08
That's a good question. Yeah. Um maybe the moving out home. Um possibly the jobs at the first job at
00:46:21
Jim and the second job at a dead. I guess they were the things that um that you could never imagine
00:46:34
>> in those times that you you talked about before that if someone told her that I
00:46:40
was going to work um >> in the finance department for New Zealand's largest bank, she was Thompson
00:46:49
to [ __ ] off. >> She put my big cheeky or something just Yeah. I didn't want to hear it. Um,
00:46:58
no. And I think and I have just bought the house and she loves to see um me and my partner and my partner's two
00:47:11
kids. He just love to see >> me in a home with a family, I guess. Um I think that's what she'd be most
00:47:21
>> proud of. But there's there's um yeah there's so many um like milestones that
00:47:26
you've accomplished in your life that that would make her proud. That's why I
00:47:28
thought that's a reasonable question to ask cuz there's yeah little things like
00:47:32
I suppose there was a period there when you were little where you both your parents thought this is going to be
00:47:37
there a lot in life like looking after looking after you. So to see you fly the nest and have this independence. It's
00:47:43
it's it's [ __ ] cool. >> Yeah. >> It's really cool. >> It was kind of a double sword for mom
00:47:48
though. Like that was her I was her wife. M >> for 23 years like if her life revolves around me
00:47:59
>> and then one day that was just not there >> and poor timing my sister who is able
00:48:07
she moved out two weeks later so they really ripped the band-aid off. >> Yeah actually we we haven't mentioned
00:48:16
your sister so yeah a couple of years younger than you. She gets um she gets a a bit of spotlight in your book as well
00:48:21
and she explains you know the the difficulties of you growing up you know being an able-bodied younger sister to
00:48:29
an older brother with cereble pausy like you got more of the attention and rightfully so as well but it's um yeah
00:48:36
it's just a perspective of it that I suppose you don't most of us don't even
00:48:39
think about but it's really interesting. Yeah. And I I'm really like amazed at
00:48:45
how she like all the way through her part of the book, >> it's very um obvious that she doesn't
00:48:55
blame me. She knew that I needed this attention. She still felt annoyed that I was getting it, but she never hated me
00:49:06
for it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, I I can understand like the element of jealousy, but then
00:49:10
you think, would you want to swap places? And the answer the answer would be no, right?
00:49:13
>> As a 5-year-old, who thinks about that? Like she she was always my friend like
00:49:20
when we were outside of therapy or if it was just us, she we still play together
00:49:27
like she >> she didn't have this hatred from me >> even though I was getting all this
00:49:33
attention. Um, and I think that's quite big of her and speaks to the person that
00:49:40
that she is. Um, but yeah, you do want mom and dad's attention when you you're
00:49:46
growing up and they did their best to to to do it, but it was tough. Um, but yeah, I'm really taken back by how she
00:49:58
>> how she still stayed. Um, yeah, my friend. Not. She wasn't She wasn't
00:50:03
angry. She didn't resent. She doesn't resent me for it and she still doesn't.
00:50:09
>> Yeah. When um um flip side of the question before, when has your mom been
00:50:15
least proud of you and before you answer, I'll give you a second. I've got
00:50:18
a bit here from the book. >> I know that. >> I I did worry about his friends who
00:50:24
derived great pleasure from taking Mark to some rather inappropriate places. I think to satisfy their own desires
00:50:30
rather than marks. What? Strip clubs. >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. They took great joy in being the
00:50:42
first one to take M shippers. >> Yeah. And it was so they got more attention cuz you know like the opposite
00:50:51
to school. He's taking disabled guy into a ship club. He gets all they get all
00:50:56
the attention. Yeah. Um, look, I was a normal 18, 19 year old just like everyone else. And uh yeah, and I think
00:51:07
every every pub would would say would say the same thing about their 18 19year-old son, you know, it's um which
00:51:17
again you but that's cool too cuz she went from holy [ __ ] is my son ever going to walk?
00:51:28
Is this going to be my life, too? Oh, [ __ ] He's at >> my son's a pissed.
00:51:38
>> He's gone too far. >> Oh, I think I can ask you a >> But no, I think that's no different to
00:51:46
getting. M um yeah there there's other stuff in the book which I don't know if
00:51:52
your parents knew about or if they read it for the first time in the book like your experience with dating apps and uh
00:51:57
losing your virginity. >> Yep. It's all in there. >> Yeah. You actually do do you know the
00:52:03
band Lonely Island? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like you you you cover two Lonely
00:52:08
Island songs. I'm on a boat and I just had sex with you. >> I love those. It could be my new theme
00:52:15
songs. >> Yeah. So, do you want to um I'm assuming most people listening to this podcast or
00:52:21
watching it haven't read the book Wobbles yet. So, should do you want to talk about the virginity stuff?
00:52:26
>> I'm happy to talk about >> Yeah. So, you're on a family cruise.
00:52:29
>> Yeah. Yeah. What a great way to to your virginity. >> So, your mom and dad have a cabin. You
00:52:36
and your sister have a cabin. Yeah. >> You're how old? >> 19. >> 19. Okay. Yeah.
00:52:41
>> Yeah. And um obviously yeah that was not the best uh not the best ideal setup for
00:52:49
but I never thought it was never gonna happen so I didn't care but yeah we at least expect today things things
00:52:57
happen. >> Why why did you think it was never going to happen? the experience with school
00:53:04
19. So I was just out of school for three years. >> That was still um I had really good
00:53:12
friends. Um but yeah, just a bit on the dating apps as well. Um I would tell people I was disabled. Um and then they
00:53:22
would um oh yeah, I'm fine with that. you know and they make me and or all of
00:53:30
a sudden they were not were not fine with it. Um >> I think it probably as you said before
00:53:38
is a big spectrum. Um the best way I describe it is like I walk and talk a bit differently. I'm a movement and
00:53:47
that's it. But I drive a car, I work like you know. Um but I guess it's not
00:53:53
the way you see it. >> Yeah. And you've got a devious sense of humor as well.
00:53:57
>> Yeah. Um but no, that's why I thought it would never happen just because of bad
00:54:02
experiences. And um yeah, but thankfully um thank thankfully thankfully there's
00:54:13
curious people out there. I think that was just what what it was. Um someone looked at me and thought, "Oh, I haven't
00:54:21
had that before." She wanted you for the bingo card. >> That looks interesting.
00:54:29
>> An Australian girl. >> Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um Yeah. tried to buy me a drink and I said no, which I
00:54:38
don't know why I said no, but the first time um and then caught up with her a
00:54:44
bit later and had a few drinks and she asked me if I'd ever been kissed before
00:54:51
and I lied and said no. I said yes. And um so she kissed me and then um she goes, "Oh, have you ever had sex
00:54:59
before?" Like, "Oh, honestly, no." She go, "Oh, do you want to?" I was like,
00:55:04
"Fuck it." Yeah. So, yeah. and all my excitement. I went to the wrong room and couldn't get in
00:55:23
but eventually found it and yeah it was I did the day and then I left New Zealand a boy and came back
00:55:34
and I guess it was >> Yeah. So So your sister was um still still out uh dancing or partying on the
00:55:42
boat. So So you the room did you did did you tell your parents the next day? >> Oh, hell no.
00:55:46
>> No. Uh, I think they kind of knew, not mom. Um, but I was with dad and his mate
00:55:55
when the girl approached me the first time. Um, and I said, "No." And dad go,
00:56:02
"Mate, why you say no? I think they likes you." Um, and yeah, maybe there
00:56:07
was a big smile on my face the next day or something. I'm sure dad put two and
00:56:12
two together. Um, but no, mom had no idea until she seen me in the book. >> Oh, yeah. What did she say about it?
00:56:19
>> We haven't spoken about it. >> Oh, you're a nightmare. You're a
00:56:26
handful. >> I think I I don't know if she's read it. I think I told her what chapter it was.
00:56:32
I don't see the option to skip it. Um, I don't know. I reckon I reckon she would tell me she skipped
00:56:41
it, but I I think she made it. >> That's a great story. >> Yeah. And you do talk about the um the
00:56:49
dating apps and there's um I'm guessing it's a fake name, but there's a there's
00:56:52
a girl called Angela that you talk about and you you go through the the chatting
00:56:56
process. You you move the conversation over to WhatsApp or whatever and you go then you meet a couple of times and then
00:57:02
she sends you like a a message saying it's you know, it's just too much. I
00:57:06
can't I can't do this. Yeah. How do you how do you feel with that? Like does
00:57:10
does does it [ __ ] you off? Um do do you understand that you know it's it's a bit
00:57:15
extra to deal with in a relationship? I know on the and um yeah, it really upset me because I was
00:57:26
you see other people out there and you see some absolute drop kicks and they've
00:57:31
got amazing partners and you're like [ __ ] me. I would treat someone so much
00:57:36
better if I if I had the opportunity. Um, so that would be what really annoyed me was like I have so much love to give.
00:57:47
Um, you know, but I Yeah, it it was it was hard and I've had it said to my even to my face was
00:57:57
like, "Oh, yours is yours is too much." And I was like, "Oh, okay. It's um I
00:58:04
can't help I can't help that. Um I don't I you can't really blame people
00:58:12
until they see you, I guess. Um and look, I did I did have a girlfriend off dinner for a
00:58:22
little bit, but it just it wasn't really wasn't really like what we both wanted.
00:58:30
But no, it was it did [ __ ] me up. Especially here, as I said, so many people were
00:58:38
dick [ __ ] It's like, here's me. Let's go. Okay, I can't be myself or I
00:58:46
look a bit funny, but um I can still, you know, talk to you, listen, care, all that. And um I also thought maybe some
00:58:58
of it was um when you're younger you maybe girls are looking for potential fathers or people that can protect them
00:59:08
and their family. And I'm probably I have the figure of a a toothpick. So that's not very, you know, I don't I
00:59:19
don't scream like good things, you know. Um I don't know if I if I broke into
00:59:24
your house and I saw you coming at me in the day. >> It was probably quite intimidating.
00:59:30
>> And my unies. >> Yeah. Yeah. Um but no, it was very diff It was really difficult. Yeah.
00:59:40
>> But you you're um you met the right one. I found this photo online. This is um
00:59:44
this is Elise. >> Yes. Elise. >> Yeah. So, she's sitting out here
00:59:48
watching this at the moment. >> Um how does how does she feel when she like hears you like telling stories
00:59:53
about the virginity? >> She'll she'll probably go about it, but that's
01:00:00
I'm very used to being in the dog box and that's that's why I have a my at my
01:00:06
house. But um yeah, that was Tell me about her. How did you guys meet? I did a lot of charity work
01:00:15
>> and um yeah, it was an event and if I say I I go to these events a lot. It's just a bunch of mates. They're
01:00:27
all about 20 to 30 years older than me. So um you know but at this at this event
01:00:34
I happened to be there and she was the closest closest one to my age and um yeah she started talking to me when I
01:00:44
walked in. Um and I sort of went oh she's talking to me like I should know who she is. Said all right I'll keep
01:00:54
going with this and see where it goes. Um, and the night went on and we saw as he was leaving I said, "Oh, do you would
01:01:03
you like to go out for dinner sometime with me?" He goes, "Yeah, sure." And I
01:01:09
went, "Um, oh, can I get your love on Facebook? We already been on Facebook."
01:01:17
Oh, [ __ ] Oh, [ __ ] So we met up after that and um actually she said I was allowed to say this. So
01:01:32
it was the same night and I she left and I think she text me after and she's like where are you
01:01:40
staying? I'm like I'm staying here. I said oh I'm like I'll just invite you back to my
01:01:48
house and see what happens. So I said, "How about we go back to mine and have a
01:01:53
few drinks? I'll get and pick you up." She goes, "Yeah, yeah, great." So I was
01:01:58
obviously so excited. I left my keys back at the party. So we got to my apartment building and I couldn't I
01:02:08
couldn't get into my apartment. So, our first encounter together, we I had to ask her to pretend to be my carer
01:02:21
and then the the security town and be like, "Oh, he does live here. He's keys
01:02:29
to us in type thing." Um probably just 5 years later we Yeah, we have a have a
01:02:40
house and she's um she's very supportive. Um I I think the difference with Elise and
01:02:53
any other encounter or tender thing I've had is that um she knew me and she seen me be you know
01:03:05
be fed and stuff like >> and not that she thought we were ever going to get together but that was
01:03:12
always there. So the the whole body conversation didn't didn't have to didn't have to
01:03:19
happen. >> Yeah. She knew what she was signing up for. >> Yeah. >> So what what what what does she have to
01:03:23
So she's up your shirt. >> Does she like brush your teeth? >> No.
01:03:29
Believe it or not, I can brush my teeth without impaling myself. >> Sorry. Sorry.
01:03:37
>> Tooth. But yeah, it's weird what I can and can't do. So I love to be asked. So,
01:03:42
don't be sorry. Um, I'll probably get in trouble cuz I would have forgotten half
01:03:48
the stuff that she does for me. But, yeah, mainly feed feed me, you know, gets me ready in the morning. Um, but
01:03:57
even all the little all the little things that we take, I can't cut my nails.
01:04:04
you know, if I have a if I have something I need some help with on the computer or
01:04:11
whatever, sees my sees my hands, >> I guess. Um, yeah, I try my best and do some jobs
01:04:21
around the house. But yeah, she's my primary. I hate the word caregiver because when I met her and things got
01:04:31
we're getting along, I made it very clear that I didn't want a caregiver. I
01:04:37
had I had one. I wanted a partner. But her love language is acts of service. And so she wants to do all
01:04:49
these things. Um, and then she also felt like when it got further down the track
01:04:56
and we decided to move in, she doesn't, you know, she wants to take care of me.
01:05:01
Like she kind of >> she's just nurturing. >> Yeah. And she prides herself that she
01:05:08
can do it better than anyone else. And I'm I'm more comfortable when she's
01:05:15
when she's there. Then I don't I just want to be fed. But I'm a lot more comfortable if she
01:05:25
knows how I like it. Like it's not um you know some people would think I'm
01:05:32
fussy if I want before my steak. They oh just be thankful someone put food in your mouth.
01:05:39
>> But at least think about like how do I eat? Oh, actually I actually give Mark
01:05:47
the option so he'll ask me, "Oh, actually what do you want with the It's
01:05:53
just Yeah, it was a hard I didn't want to blur bl >> but she kind of think you know any
01:06:05
relationship one person will do divorcing and she I could deliver for me kids. Anyway, we all sit down. What is
01:06:16
it just to feed you? So, we actually look at it. It's just a little bit tagged on to what
01:06:25
you already do in your life. >> Um, but again, she always has to think about
01:06:33
me in that in that way, like where how am I going to eat, where am I going to eat? She gets very um worried when I go
01:06:43
out somewhere and it's like, "Oh, who's gonna feed you?" You know, she wants to
01:06:48
make sure that I enjoy myself and not worry about about that. But >> yeah,
01:06:56
>> sometimes I don't have a choice. I just have to roll with it. Yeah,
01:07:01
>> I'm still here so I haven't got hungry but but no I'm very fortunate that she is that kind
01:07:09
of nurture and giver and um >> yeah she if you ask her about me she'll
01:07:17
say I'm the most annoying person to to live with. I think every man loves to to
01:07:24
wind their partner up and see how far they can no different to any other relationship.
01:07:33
She still expects me to do the things that I can I can do. >> Well, that's that's like that's the
01:07:41
impression I got from your book. That's how you've been raised by your parents.
01:07:44
Like there's minimal amount of special treatment uh possible. >> Yeah.
01:07:48
>> Yeah. And and um she's got two kids from a previous relationship. >> That's right.
01:07:53
>> Um yeah. How have they been? >> They're great. So I was a little bit
01:07:57
worried how that dynamic would work moving in all together. >> Of course. Yeah.
01:08:03
>> We Someone said, "Oh, don't you guys live together yet?" I'm like, "No, but
01:08:09
you just bought this house." Like, "Yeah, we'll figure it out." Um but
01:08:13
yeah, that was the the biggest um kind of o for me. But um to be honest, they've um yeah, it's brought us more a
01:08:25
lot closer. Like it's Yeah, we are a family now in the house. They we me and
01:08:32
the kids, we respect each each other. Um they do love it when I'm a big Broncos
01:08:39
fan, so they love they love um watching the sport with me. I do get quite animated and say some bad words and they
01:08:48
they think that's quite funny. Um but yeah, they also really good at, you know, bringing me bring me back to level
01:08:59
and they'll tell me now who would read a book about you? You're so boring. So
01:09:06
it's it's good. It's it helps the relationship. >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, it seems like you you
01:09:12
corrupt them. She was she was telling me um before we came into the podcast chat
01:09:16
today that um after the NRL grand final like you were doing like a like a naked dash around the house or something.
01:09:22
>> Yeah, I did get a bit excited and uh my aunties did say but that was that was
01:09:29
yeah that was um quite the game. I think I had three heart attacks during that grand final. So yeah, it was just you
01:09:38
know do whatever I could to get to get through that. Yeah, know some bad habits which my mom
01:09:44
is also uh quite well what impression I'm leaving on the kids. >> Yeah.
01:09:52
>> Well, you know, once a bogan, always a bogan, I guess. Like that behavior
01:09:57
sticks with Oh, there was um one thing um you were actually in the news for this a few years ago, long before the
01:10:02
book. Um there was an incident with Countdown. >> Now, now Wworth. So, you you went to
01:10:08
Countdown and they wouldn't they wouldn't serve you alcohol. That's right. I went to countdown. It was, you
01:10:13
know, just after work with everyone else and um yeah, they wouldn't that I go to
01:10:18
I went to the same countdown for years and I bought the same the same stuff and it included a box of beer
01:10:27
every time. And this time they just wouldn't they yeah wouldn't allow me to
01:10:34
buy the beer because they accused me of being drunk. I'm sure that's a [ __ ] up cafe.
01:10:41
>> I am. I kind of said to them, "Well, I'm not drunk >> yet." Yeah. Yeah. Um and yeah, I don't
01:10:50
really have any I buy this every week. Like what what's different now about this week?
01:10:58
And they I don't I don't really recall word for word, but um one of them said
01:11:04
something like, "Oh, you can't even stand up straight. you know, how could
01:11:08
we possibly serve you? I'm like, because I have se cable py and that just went
01:11:15
straight over the head like no you don't. You're drunk. I'm like, I wish I didn't have [ __ ] z I wish I
01:11:23
was drunk. Jesus. But but no, so that was that in that moment it took me back to cuz then everyone was staring at
01:11:37
me, right? Like I was made a bit of a a bit of a fuss. So, >> and I don't I try not to
01:11:46
>> have, you know, make myself pointed out or whatever. And then everything kind of
01:11:51
gets my movements get worse and I get stressed. Um, but yeah, that moment was like going
01:12:00
back to the bullying, I guess, in the like I've been pointed out for being being different
01:12:08
>> and in a in a world where was supposed to be more accepting of people uh
01:12:14
differences. >> Yeah, it was certainly Yeah. Bought up some stuff. Yeah. >> Yeah. Are there are there things we can
01:12:25
be doing better in New Zealand to support disabled people? >> I I do think so. I think
01:12:34
look, you can hate me for this or not, but I do think the disabled um community are kind of forgotten about
01:12:42
a little bit. We focus a lot on um you know different differences in other in other aspects like cultures and
01:12:51
sexuality and being more inclusive of of them. >> Yeah. >> And look that is great and it's amazing.
01:13:00
Um but yeah the about disabled people that would like to have a job but don't and that there's
01:13:12
the real um opportunity there to really like help you're giving that's what
01:13:20
helped me. I got a purpose. I got to get up in the morning and go and do do something whether it was go to
01:13:29
university and study and then now it's go to work and contribute. So um I do
01:13:36
think we could be doing doing better for disabled people in the workplace. >> Um
01:13:45
and again I'm not one to to advocate. I'm just here to share my story. But um
01:13:52
that where I think there's a there's a a bit of a lag or some miseducation out
01:13:58
there. >> Yeah. That work piece that you're talking about. So you you applied you
01:14:02
sent your CV out to 50 different places >> about that. >> Yeah. You you ended up getting a job at
01:14:08
um Gem Finance as a financial analysis. But um that was um it was a heartbreaking. That's when you went off
01:14:14
the rails. >> Yeah. That that bit between university and getting a job um was yeah probably my toughest the
01:14:26
toughest point in my life. Um and it was because I think yeah I didn't have a
01:14:33
purpose. Um I couldn't really see why an employer would employ me. Like I knew
01:14:41
I was clever, but you you got you know every business is trying to save every bit of cost cuz it's hard economy is
01:14:52
hard you know it's like why would they spend extra money on on accommodating
01:14:58
me? Um, I know I know there's um you can go for funding and stuff, but then if
01:15:05
you've got my CV and you got an ablebodied version of me, same qualifications, all that. Well, I'm
01:15:14
just more work than that. And we're all busy, right? I I'm not saying it's bad
01:15:20
that I'm not having to go at these, but I'm just saying I get it. Um, you know,
01:15:25
you're busy. you want probably >> the least effort I guess. Um but yeah, I felt very
01:15:35
yeah like I going to be living living at home all my life with my parents and that not
01:15:43
what we we set out to do with all the therapy and I was walking now and you know got amazing grades at university
01:15:53
and um yeah so I I um I I I enjoy I enjoy a beer >> with a straw. With a straw.
01:16:05
>> Yes. And um I busted that myth though. You don't get pissed f I'd be I'd be a
01:16:12
lot richer if that was the if if that was if that were true. But um yeah, I I partied
01:16:20
I going out and just the way that cuz I was I was accepted in that clubing cuz everyone pissed. So I just I I blended
01:16:33
by and everything gets a bit easier for my movements and stuff after a few years.
01:16:40
So that was sort of my how I wouldn't call it coping but it was what I did and
01:16:48
I didn't really see a see a way forward and there was some I did have some thoughts about you know
01:16:57
what if it easy is it easier just if I'm just talking way to m um you know especially when I didn't want to get out
01:17:08
of bed they were So there was no purpose. I never see a purpose. Um and uh I do remember driving along
01:17:21
I saw a truck and I was like that would be easy >> and I thought oh [ __ ] then he I'd ruined
01:17:30
his life but that's that's not that's not fair on the truck driver. Um
01:17:37
yeah, it was a low point. Um that was probably the closest for me having those thoughts. Um
01:17:48
but yeah, I obviously glad that I was something in me just um able to to kind of not block
01:18:02
that out, but just I still knew that wasn't the way. Maybe there was something in the back of my head that
01:18:09
there was a little bit of hope or I was but I certainly didn't I didn't >> I didn't feel it.
01:18:16
>> Yeah. I think that's the thing for anyone that's in that state. You just
01:18:19
got to hang on to hope. >> Hang on to the next moment. Um yeah, your your mom in the book she talks
01:18:24
about suic suicidal ideiation as well at a time and she she asked yeah um have you had a discussion about this? Like
01:18:32
that must have been hard for you to read about her. Um, but it must have been hard for her to read about you as well.
01:18:38
>> And it was actually we had the same story. She she thought about doing it in
01:18:43
the same way that I that I did and we had never talked about that ever. I was like, "Oh, wow."
01:18:50
>> Yeah. So, that was >> that was interesting. And um >> obviously, yeah, glad that we're both
01:18:58
still still here. Um, but no, we I'm sure we will have a conversation about it, but it's uh we as a family, I think
01:19:08
we cuz we had to just be, you know, celebrating every little win >> going up. So once we once I was walking
01:19:18
into life just moved on like we were just flying and um >> but yeah, I'm we haven't really had that
01:19:27
deep conversation. Yeah. >> Seems like there's there's a lot of [ __ ]
01:19:31
that you guys have got to discuss. >> Really? We fill it out in the book now.
01:19:36
It's all out there. >> Yeah. >> Um if you could go back and talk to your
01:19:41
younger self, what what would you say? M maybe um Yeah. Maybe maybe Mark aged say
01:19:47
13 to 17 in the middle middle of secondary school. Oh, that's a tough one cuz I would think I was such a [ __ ]
01:19:55
if I was the younger me would be like, "Oh, this look, he's got it all worked
01:20:01
out." So, and that's what my younger self would think of me um trying to give advice. Um
01:20:14
but my my advice to me or anyone is you're there are people that love that love you. I knew there
01:20:25
were people that loved me. I think that's also why I didn't train in my life because I also loved I love them. I
01:20:34
love the people. I didn't want that to stop. um and I think yeah I would I hope that
01:20:49
um other people just love can find a way to know that they're loved like people want them in this life
01:21:02
um everyone's got we're all here we can all contribute we can all help. Um,
01:21:12
yeah. And I just I was I would tell myself that just to f you are loved, people love you.
01:21:21
>> Um, and yeah, just they want you around and you got so many awesome experiences to have with
01:21:32
>> with with these people. Um, yeah, I would I do my best not to say the words.
01:21:40
It will get better and just keep going cuz I would hate to hear that. >> Yeah.
01:21:46
>> But yeah, just >> it's true though, isn't it? >> But it's a it's Yeah, you don't want to
01:21:51
when you when you're going through hell, it seems like it's an impossible thing
01:21:55
to imagine. >> Absolutely. Yeah. The last thing you want to hear is that statement. Were you
01:22:01
just getting a bit emotional then with that answer? >> Oh, a little bit. And I think um I don't
01:22:08
um Yeah, I don't want people to to feel like that. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And
01:22:35
the book. That's why that's why the book is is there because it was um really hard to write the book
01:22:50
and my mom wanted it to stop cuz it bringing up all that trauma again. And um but we keep
01:23:03
telling ourselves like we don't want people to to take their own lives to to
01:23:10
do that. We if that can help one person change that mindset or just think just go oh okay it's not that bad
01:23:23
or >> then it was worth us telling that story and it's why I I do a little bit of
01:23:32
public speaking you know that's my reason behind it is no to take their own life.
01:23:43
>> It doesn't it doesn't need need to happen. >> And um yeah, if if I can do something to to
01:23:52
help with that, I'm going to I'm going to [ __ ] do it. >> I think that that last couple of minutes
01:23:59
might be the most um important part of this podcast. Yeah. Yeah. It's a really good message.
01:24:06
I I I can tell when you get upset, you you like you get really really animated. Is it Is it um Is it painful,
01:24:14
uncomfortable, exhausting? >> It's exhausting. >> Yeah. >> But not like right now like tonight I'll
01:24:23
be Oh, why why am I so tired? It's like, oh, that's right. Um >> it's not painful. So, don't worry if
01:24:31
you're watching this. I'm not in It's not painful. Um, I I it's really hard cuz I'm I'm literally
01:24:41
an open book. I I can't really hide my emotions because of the way my my body
01:24:47
moves. When I do get excited or sad or something I Yeah, it does. It show it shows which is
01:25:00
um yeah, quite awkward in general because I I laugh. Sorry, I laugh and talk loud and I also cry.
01:25:10
So, yes, but um it it does make um getting my words out harder, you know, with emotional
01:25:20
topics. Yeah. But I >> it's important it's important to share them though. It is. It is. And I I can I
01:25:29
can say your your speech is fine. like, you know, I've had to listen carefully
01:25:32
during this podcast, but no, you know, I can understand everything you say. I haven't had had to ask you to repeat
01:25:38
anything. >> That's I'm glad and my speech has gotten better as I've gotten older just with
01:25:45
Right. Uh I I had a lot of like um I had bra which every kid most kids have that
01:25:52
actually really helped with with um my speech and then >> I found swimming
01:26:01
just the way that you're breathing in and out was yeah also really helped with
01:26:05
with my speech. I actually watched a video of me of myself when I was I would have been
01:26:15
12 years old. I couldn't understand myself. >> I could not I didn't know what I was
01:26:21
saying. I had to get my sister to to translate to to translate what I was saying cuz um to me I sound like
01:26:32
to me my voice is normal cuz I know the words I want to say but obviously it comes out much different to how it
01:26:41
sounds in my head. >> Oh that reminds me of another story in the book. Um you exploiting your sister
01:26:46
like so you were 6 years old she's four. Um, you you you had the brain power, but
01:26:52
she had the motor skills, so you'd use her to get the the lolly jar off the top
01:26:57
>> like a like a co-conspirator in your master master crime. God, you're a
01:27:01
deviant. You're a rhymia. >> Yeah. No, I taught myself a few days. Yeah.
01:27:08
>> What's what's your um inner voice in a critic like? Like when you when you're
01:27:12
talking to yourself, what are you like? Are you are you are you kind to yourself
01:27:15
or are you hard on yourself? I'm probably pretty hard on myself. I I wouldn't I don't think of myself as
01:27:27
a perfectionist, but other people would probably use that word to describe me. I
01:27:34
think that's because I've I fought so not but a lot has gone to get me to be who I am.
01:27:44
And I want to make sure that I'm there because of my own merits, not for any
01:27:52
other reason. So I work for I make a point to always do a job right, get it done properly.
01:28:01
And if I don't if I do something, everyone makes mistakes, but >> I I do beat myself up and like tell
01:28:12
every boss I've had just been like, you got to stop, but go easy. It was It was
01:28:18
a simple mistake. No one died. It was fine. But to me, I'm I'm I'm prone to
01:28:25
just If it's not done right, it's not done, you know. Why why bother? Um
01:28:33
>> that part of me. Yeah, I'm always trying to make sure I do do a good job or but I do
01:28:46
when I have effect not very often but I I'm I'm proud of like I do get proud of myself probably
01:28:57
for different reasons that that that that people might think like I'm proud of my job but I'm more proud
01:29:06
of um you know having the the lifestyle that I do at home >> and just being able to have my mom and dad come
01:29:20
and stay in my house. um you know I'm more proud of that than I I am of just about anything else cuz
01:29:32
it's my way of kind of not not thanking them but just you know look what all
01:29:40
your hard work did >> and now we get to be a family just like anyone else. Um,
01:29:50
>> yeah. >> Yeah. It must be the most gratifying thing. It's like their investment of
01:29:56
time and energy has paid off. >> It's really cool. >> Yeah. Absolutely.
01:30:01
>> I can't imag Yeah. I can't imagine how it is for them. It must be the
01:30:05
>> Yeah, it must be the weirdest feeling like like letting your kid off into the
01:30:08
into the wild >> like um Yeah. I can't imagine how how many sleepless nights your mom had, but
01:30:15
also how proud she would be. >> Yeah. They love they love they love the house. They love they love
01:30:24
being in the house. You know, we can't keep dad still. He's always something to
01:30:30
fix cuz I'm not that handy. So, >> but I love that. Yeah. >> And what about what about future goals?
01:30:38
How old are you now? You 28 28? >> I'm 30. >> 30? Oh, yes. >> Yeah. Where where do you see yourself
01:30:43
at? Like 35 40? Do you you want to at least want to have your own family or you happy with
01:30:49
>> I think no very settled very settled and my stance was I didn't kids were never
01:30:57
really a thing for me just because of what went on. I know it's unlikely to ever happen
01:31:04
but I that was just that was too much. >> Yeah. Um but no I would I have a lot of career
01:31:14
goals like I you know I I like to be with Simon De and Z. Um I I very much enjoy enjoy working
01:31:27
there personal. Yeah, we'd like to, you know, just, you know, join, we've joined,
01:31:35
we've joined the rat race, we paid down our mortgage and um I guess life kind of
01:31:41
just looked getting back to just like by just having experiences and um yeah, with with with
01:31:50
um just as a family. I am doing more public speaking and I did I'd like to um
01:32:00
yeah if my message can help then I'm all for sharing it. Um so that would be
01:32:08
that would be um where I kind of see my project I guess. Yeah. >> Yeah. Well, I'm sure the future's going
01:32:16
to be very bright. Um tonight I don't know. Do you think you'll be allowed in
01:32:20
the house tonight or are you on the deck? Luckily, my mate I got a mate back at work and he'll be he'll be waiting
01:32:27
for me at the pub. So, >> you're a handful. You're a handful. But,
01:32:34
hey, this has been a great podcast today. It's been really cool. >> Well, thank you so much for having me.
01:32:39
I've um going to make you feel old, but I I grew up listening to you on the radio,
01:32:45
so to come to come and talk to you um calling you. I touch on it before. I enjoy to talk to genuine people and know
01:32:57
you're definitely one of the one of the good guys out there. So, um, yeah, keep
01:33:02
keep doing what you're doing, mate. It's uh it's it's also helping people.
01:33:07
>> Yeah. Oh, Mark Wilson, you're a great New Zealander. I I deliberately didn't
01:33:11
um bring up your dog, Sandy. Um, thank you. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. My dog
01:33:16
Kanye's been on the floor. He's sleeping next to me. He's been here for the last
01:33:20
hour and a half that we've been chatting. Um, yeah, but that's something
01:33:23
in the in the book, this dog Sandy that you have and the the role that she played on getting you through those
01:33:28
teenage years. >> Yeah. You just want to make me cry, don't you? >> No, I was like, this is going to be it's
01:33:33
going to make me cry. It's going to make you cry. >> Maybe leave that for
01:33:38
>> just the the impact of dogs. Um, but the way that you wrote about her so
01:33:42
lovingly. Um, yeah, I think I'll leave that as a spoiler. So if anyone wants to
01:33:45
know about um the relationship you had with your dog Sandy um they can get your book Wobbles.
01:33:51
>> Yeah. And that's the perfect way to >> Hey Mark Wilson, thank you so much mate.
01:33:57
It's been an honor to sit down and chat with you today and um I got a lot out of
01:34:01
it and I'm sure a lot of other people will as well. >> Oh, thank you so much for having me on.
01:34:05
It's been great.