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Rachel Maia || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

January 08, 2023 / 01:13:04

This episode features Dom Harvey interviewing Rachel Meyer, a New Zealand para climber and record holder. They discuss Rachel's journey as a late-life amputee, her experiences with pain management, and her return to climbing after years of struggle.

Rachel shares her initial relationship with running, which was brief and not fulfilling. After losing her left leg three years ago, she reflects on the challenges of adapting to life with a disability and the importance of finding activities that bring joy, like rock climbing.

The conversation touches on Rachel's accident at 16, where she broke both ankles during a climbing competition. She recounts the long recovery process, including multiple surgeries and the eventual decision to amputate her leg to improve her quality of life.

Rachel emphasizes the significance of mental health and resilience, particularly as a single mother of three. She discusses how her children have influenced her perspective on life and the importance of modeling healthy coping strategies.

The episode concludes with Rachel's insights on societal perceptions of disability and the word "inspirational," advocating for more meaningful connections and understanding.

TL;DR

Rachel Meyer shares her journey as a para climber and late-life amputee, discussing pain, resilience, and the importance of mental health.

Episode

1:13:04

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Runners only with dom Harvey and Rachel

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Meyer the New Zealand para climber

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record holder and just an all-round

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badass is it okay I've heard you do it

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right how are you hi I've um I heard you

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on interviews before and you don't like

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being called inspirational

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um so can I call you a badass instead

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amazing just lift that

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so um first of all before we get into

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your uh um incredible story and what

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you've been through and what you've done

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running any relationship with running or

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not since you were 16. oh a really short

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relationship with running yeah

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it's always going to put a dampener on

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things I could you know

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um yeah I tried it I didn't love it and

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um the leg fell off and I thought maybe

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that's what's not my thing

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but you're um you're a late life amputee

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so you you lost your leg your left leg

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um how many years ago I was three three

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and a half years so you were the age of

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oh three and a half years ago hang on

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it's not hard math come on I know you're

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from wanganui

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he's at 36.

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so what do you mean because I've had

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them I recorded a chat with um Liam

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Malone the um the paralympic runner last

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weekend and he he said it like as a kid

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uh there were times where he'd go home

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from the school cross country or School

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athletics stay in tears because you know

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his leg would fall off or had finished

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did last I would have thought the

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technology between then and now would

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have progressed to the point where that

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shit's not going on look I think the

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technology is and uh the technology is

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improving quickly but our bodies are

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still breakable and we're still fragile

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even though we think we're quite

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resilient sometimes

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um and unfortunately with my particular

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amputation I've got quite a long

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residual limb which is great that works

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for climbing I've got a nice lever

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um so Extra Strength there but it means

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that it's quite bony and just doesn't

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really it's not very durable for high

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impact at the moment walking's

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challenging so if I could even get to

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the point that I could walk all day that

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would be a huge win for me it's been

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four months since I've been walking

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properly yeah that's um that's another

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thing um Liam and lines that have

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alluded to as well he said uh like when

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he when he was in that age where he was

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going out with his friends

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um he'd need to drink more and therefore

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get drunker because the pain just of

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standing up was that much it's bad that

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you're so would you agree with that yeah

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um I I definitely went through a phase

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pre-amputation where the pain was also

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really bad and wine was a great form of

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resilience

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um

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it can be but it doesn't make you very

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functional

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um and so I switched that out for rock

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climbing which gives me a really good

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hit of adrenaline and endorphins and it

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doesn't make the pain completely go away

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but it certainly feels quiet when I'm on

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the wall I feel like it's just me

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against the wall and there's something

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really mindful in that and really

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therapeutic and then obviously that buzz

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that then when you go away and you're

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back in 10 out of 10 nerve pain for 14

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hours of a day and 12 hours all night

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and you're getting two three hours sleep

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a night and then getting up in the

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morning and doing the single mum thing

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here having that hit of endorphins and

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adrenaline during the week's really

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important because it just helps you cope

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with what you do have or don't have yeah

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yeah because Pain's pretty bad is that a

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thing um you do you not notice that when

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you're climbing because climbing's one

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of those things where you've got to be

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completely in the moment

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there's a lot of that yeah for sure and

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I'm still really scared of heights so

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falling maybe makes pain quieter

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surely it's not happening to you too

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often not too often but you know when I

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did fall when I was 16 I broke two

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ankles and then I am now an amputee

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that's really I'm sorry so gravity's

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been a bit of a [ __ ] in the past and

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we're not really best friends right well

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this makes it all the more remarkable

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and dear I say inspirational

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inspirational that you would get back

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get back on the horse so to speak so

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um so you were 16. do you wanna do you

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want to take us back to that sure okay

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so you're 16 you're an invercargill

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um you go to James haggis college and

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you're you're climbing yes so this is

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your sport of choice that's where I

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started climbing I was um in my second

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last year of high school and I always

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found School

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I don't know I guess socially I always

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felt quite awkward and didn't feel like

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I had a place where I belonged I know

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many people would relate to that of

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those teenage years they're very

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vulnerable years

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um and just felt like I didn't fit and

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then climbing was always this place

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where there's always such an Eclectic

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group of people there was no kind of

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cool kids nerds dorks jocks whatever you

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just come as you are you leave your bags

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and your baggage at the door and then

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when you're in the gym and you're

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climbing you're looking after each other

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you literally have your lives in each

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other's hands and there's that really

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high level of trust right from the

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get-go so there's a real sense of family

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right from the beginning and I was

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really drawn to that and that that was

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my introduction to climbing and then we

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went off to a competition oh not too far

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into our sort of climbing hobby Club

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starting and that was the place where I

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had a accident and a cooldown period at

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the end of the competition day I did a

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controlled drop and a bouldering fall a

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bouldering room and I what's a

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bouldering one

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um so for lessons we haven't been

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claiming you have two types of climbing

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one is Sport climbing with ropes one is

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bouldering where there are no ropes but

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you do have really soft ore on

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professional Landing surfaces the boys

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in my team as an example were doing a

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somersault off the top of the wall they

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were Landing absolutely fine I did a

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controlled fall very safely with a

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spotter to help catch me and my ankle

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hit a very small margin that had been

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duct taped back together

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um and that went against me so that

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angle blue kind of on the side mostly

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um I think there's a bit of skin

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covering things but you could see the

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dislocated shattered joint and then I

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also broke the other ankle at the same

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time which makes you very uncool to go

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back to high school in a wheelchair with

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two feet plaster first of all [ __ ] that

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Sporto wasn't the spotted spot it really

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wasn't like he did his job he kind of

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yeah

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they're not there to catch you like that

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sort of thing a spotter is there to kind

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of you know make sure your head doesn't

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hit the ground first they're there to

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sort of okay well he succeeded in doing

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that my head is mostly fine with it we

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think so how is the world we're talking

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about you say you said some of the boys

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in the class were doing somersaults off

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it how much five meters no God no my

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feet were not even the height of your

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ceiling

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it's like a couple of meters yeah it

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shouldn't have happened it was just a

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freak accident we have no idea why it

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went so wrong so quickly and are you and

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um are you in excruciating pain or does

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like adrenaline kicking straight away

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um to start with us kind of like Ugh

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that felt uncomfortable maybe it was a

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sprain and I went to sit up and my

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spotter did an excellent job of um

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crushing me back to the floor and

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yelling do not look don't look and at

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that point I worked out probably

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something had gone maybe worse than it

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felt and then the boys jumped down off

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the top and as they had the crash pads

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it sort of just reverberated through and

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from that point I clearly remember

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screaming for a good 45 minutes until

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the ambulance came just it was just it

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was hell

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um and I don't know if you've claimed

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before but rock climbing shoes are very

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tight and the lasers are very tight and

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I remember the paramedic painstakingly

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untying the laces and you could hear all

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the bones grating and grinding in and me

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screaming and a friend saying why don't

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you cut the laces in the Amber Guy

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saying are they your laces to cut and I

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just am completely capable we're worried

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about responding to anything if the

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rental shoes will cover it just exactly

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right

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it's freaking cat devices

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yeah yeah the way the way you tell it

00:08:23

it's almost so it was almost like a

00:08:24

quarter of a century ago

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um well I mean it's over half my life

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yeah yeah but it feels like it's yeah

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there's a lot of stuff in between

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um yeah so they put that ankle back

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together with part of my hip in the end

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they grafted bone out of my hip in there

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and then lots of metal and what do they

00:08:42

say to you at that time so you're in the

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hospital you think oh it's a broken

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ankle same as like a broken arm or

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broken leg three months back to normal

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no they did not say that

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they made it clear quite early on that

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it was quite serious yes yep so I

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remember a point where the surgeon came

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in and they would often talk to my mum

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who was by my bed a lot

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um and not to me but I remember them

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talking to my mum saying she'll be in a

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wheelchair when she's older if she wants

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to have children so all her pregnancies

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she's gonna need a wheelchair this is

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going to turn into severe degenerative

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arthritis which I did and she's just

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gonna have a lifelong time a problem so

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I knew right from the start but I didn't

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connect to that or suppose when you're

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16 you're 16 you just think

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it's going to come right get me back on

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the wall okay

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um was were they saying all these things

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just in terms of um just any sort of

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weight you put on it is gonna like hurt

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and make it worse yeah so I was told

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um don't put on weight you need to

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always see a really healthy BMI don't

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carry anything extra that's unnecessary

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because that's going to add further

00:09:47

damage

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um and so I guess I was always quite

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conscious of being healthy and staying

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fit

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um and then yeah over the years I did

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developed degenerative arthritis and it

00:09:59

just over the period of what we're

00:10:01

talking 18 years between that accident

00:10:03

and amputation I had another nine

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surgeries to try and fix it and one of

00:10:07

them was this horrendous expert frame

00:10:09

that attached through the ankle but on

00:10:13

the outside and through the foot and I

00:10:15

had I think about 12 middle rods that

00:10:17

went through my shin and my foot and my

00:10:18

toes and the ink on everywhere and then

00:10:20

I was given a pair of spanners and I had

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to slowly stretch this ankle joint apart

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myself in the theory behind that was to

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try and create space for new cartilage

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to grow which I believe only sharks can

00:10:34

do

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I did not do it very successfully so

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clearly I'm not sure

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um but yeah that was rough I was

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discharged from hospital on a Saturday

00:10:46

with that on I think ibuprofen encoding

00:10:51

and that was definitely not enough so it

00:10:53

was a bit of a quick trip back to the

00:10:54

doctor for a script for something

00:10:56

heavier and then I was in that traction

00:10:57

frame for four months

00:11:00

um parenting three children one of them

00:11:02

with ADHD and autism

00:11:05

wow

00:11:06

so you're in from the age of 16 through

00:11:10

the rest of your teens through your 20s

00:11:12

through most of your 30s just um

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constant pain

00:11:16

if I would have walked

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um

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and as the time went on needing more and

00:11:23

more Mobility aids to mobilize so it

00:11:25

went from sometimes I needed a crutch

00:11:27

for like if it was standing for a long

00:11:29

period if you're standing in line if I'm

00:11:31

at the supermarket I might take one

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crutch and then eventually it was using

00:11:35

an eye walk which is kind of like a

00:11:38

prosthetic leg but you kneel you still

00:11:41

have your legs so you kneel on like a

00:11:42

shin pad thing it's quite hard to

00:11:44

explain to listeners but straps around

00:11:46

your thigh and enables you to walk on

00:11:48

something other than your leg people

00:11:50

often use it for like a I don't know an

00:11:52

angle break that's a six-week thing

00:11:54

um I used that for several years and

00:11:56

then I was using two crutches or a

00:11:58

wheelchair by the end of it as well

00:12:00

right it was just done I couldn't go on

00:12:02

like that

00:12:03

so was it always

00:12:06

um

00:12:06

was was it always an option that you

00:12:08

were told you had or something that

00:12:10

could make your life better to remove

00:12:12

the the Troublesome ankle

00:12:15

the last resort that surgeons are very

00:12:17

reluctant to oh yeah you know even

00:12:20

though it would I mean it has I don't

00:12:23

want to put words in your mouth but is

00:12:25

it fair to say it's improve your quality

00:12:26

of life it's definitely improved my

00:12:28

quality of life but it's also come with

00:12:30

its own package of okay chronic nerve

00:12:33

pain in in its own sense of the word

00:12:35

disability I guess and that has a huge

00:12:38

impact on your mental health too so

00:12:40

either way I was going to be going down

00:12:42

a path that was going to be really

00:12:44

really really hard there was no way out

00:12:46

of that and I knew that eventually I

00:12:49

would probably end up with an amputation

00:12:51

as an older woman anyway and I felt that

00:12:54

that was a decision I wanted the power

00:12:56

over to do while I was young I was

00:12:58

already competing as a para athlete for

00:13:00

New Zealand I'd done one world

00:13:02

championships in Austria in 2018

00:13:06

and I came home from that feeling a real

00:13:09

sense of I guess contentment with the

00:13:12

decision to amputate and that's where I

00:13:14

went back to my surgeon I had already

00:13:16

asked him and he'd said no but I went

00:13:18

back after that event I was like look

00:13:20

I've you know worst case scenario I

00:13:22

actually have found a way to balance my

00:13:25

health and my well-being and activity

00:13:27

regardless of whether I do or don't get

00:13:29

up on a prosthetic I have this career in

00:13:31

competing and that's giving me some

00:13:33

sanity

00:13:34

um

00:13:35

why did the surgeon say no do they do

00:13:37

they honestly believe the the pain you

00:13:40

were in with the um Troublesome foot

00:13:42

would be better than the alternative

00:13:44

uh I think because the alternative's so

00:13:46

high risk so you can manage some of the

00:13:49

risks if you go down the route of having

00:13:51

several fusions within the ankle and the

00:13:53

foot then that could prolong the risk of

00:13:56

sorry deter that what's the word uh

00:13:59

words

00:14:00

um

00:14:01

like slow down

00:14:03

the need to amputate right so give you a

00:14:06

bit more time if that makes sense before

00:14:08

taking on something where you're

00:14:09

sivering nerves and putting you know

00:14:12

your whole inflammatory system and your

00:14:14

body under a high amount of pressure

00:14:17

which can cause lots of ongoing health

00:14:19

issues so so you were for like 20 odd

00:14:23

years you were walking around with like

00:14:24

a with like a limp or with a crutch yeah

00:14:26

I just didn't walk far right and I felt

00:14:29

quite I think

00:14:30

I think improved so much with my

00:14:33

um lifestyle now I always felt like I

00:14:36

was on the outside so if there was a

00:14:38

social group and we were

00:14:40

going somewhere and maybe everybody

00:14:41

wanted to wander around a garden

00:14:43

even just that little activity of going

00:14:46

around a Botanical Garden might be like

00:14:47

oh I'll I'll just set this one out or

00:14:50

I'll do the first bit and then I'll sort

00:14:52

it out

00:14:53

um and I felt like I was just getting to

00:14:55

this point where I couldn't connect to

00:14:58

my world anymore and the world was

00:14:59

getting smaller and smaller and that was

00:15:01

my way of managing pain was just to just

00:15:03

reduce and then reduce more and then

00:15:05

reduce more and

00:15:07

um yeah then becomes it's really

00:15:09

isolating yeah it's pretty isolating and

00:15:11

I I got to this point where I felt I was

00:15:14

not showing or modeling to my children

00:15:17

good strategies for managing you know

00:15:20

disability and pain and and my kids were

00:15:22

really wonderful mirrors I guess they

00:15:24

would say things to me

00:15:26

um that were quite profound and I guess

00:15:28

shook me a lot at the time but helped me

00:15:30

to see what I was modeling to them my

00:15:32

youngest when I was when he was five he

00:15:36

said to me mum you don't really like

00:15:39

food do you you just eat pills and drink

00:15:42

coffee

00:15:44

and I just oh my God that must have felt

00:15:47

like a dagger to your [ __ ] heart I

00:15:49

reckon I just

00:15:53

they just say what they see that's it

00:15:56

and that's what he could see that was my

00:15:58

way of coping with pain was I just take

00:16:00

painkillers and I don't feed myself

00:16:02

properly and I'm not going out and doing

00:16:04

anything and chasing any of my dreams

00:16:06

I've just made my whole world smaller to

00:16:09

survive and that's not surviving it's

00:16:11

definitely not thriving and that was the

00:16:13

point I decided I would go that's

00:16:15

climbing 18 years later yeah well I

00:16:17

suppose it's being alive but it's not

00:16:18

really living is it that's yeah that's

00:16:20

the way to say it yeah

00:16:22

okay so um

00:16:24

so it was an 18-year break so you're 16

00:16:26

when it happens uh then 18 years and

00:16:29

then you start climbing again

00:16:31

um which seems like a a lot of people be

00:16:33

like what the [ __ ] are you doing getting

00:16:34

back up there was that hard to get back

00:16:35

up there after given that's how

00:16:38

this this lifelong of like pain and

00:16:41

nuisance began

00:16:42

yep and also no climbing wall in

00:16:45

wanganui so oh yeah is there one there

00:16:48

now no there's a little bit of a where

00:16:50

do you go palmy or nope nothing there

00:16:52

either um is he not a climbing woman

00:16:54

palmy no

00:16:56

so I can drive to uh New Plymouth for a

00:16:59

very short squash court sized climbing

00:17:02

wall or I can come to Auckland and visit

00:17:04

you and go to extreme Edge

00:17:07

um because I feel like they're all over

00:17:09

the place in Auckland aren't they yeah

00:17:10

there's a couple and there's some really

00:17:11

great bouldering facilities as well

00:17:13

right

00:17:14

um yeah but no at the time no climbing

00:17:18

partner either and a really huge fear of

00:17:21

falling so I rocked up to the taranaki

00:17:24

climbing gym and asked the manager on

00:17:27

duty

00:17:28

um could you point me in the direction

00:17:29

of to wahine who will not drop me

00:17:32

um and I was on crutches and I probably

00:17:35

looked like an absolute idiot you're

00:17:37

like what are you up to no but this

00:17:38

woman they sort of looked me up and down

00:17:40

and then without batting an eyelid they

00:17:42

were like welcome and come in and that's

00:17:44

what climbing is it's always like that

00:17:46

you can have I mean you might not even

00:17:48

speak the same language as some people

00:17:49

have climbed in Austria with two I don't

00:17:52

know 60 70 year old Germans who I could

00:17:54

not communicate with at all but you can

00:17:58

kind of say take rope give like the

00:18:01

important kindness that's the only other

00:18:03

word I can think of I'm safe with a good

00:18:05

phrase to learn

00:18:07

um lower or climbing clipping

00:18:11

um

00:18:11

that that's Universal for us but we just

00:18:14

still feel like we belong so these women

00:18:17

um took me in and they became my

00:18:19

climbing family to start with and they

00:18:21

were the ones that encouraged me maybe I

00:18:23

could have a crack at New Zealand

00:18:24

Nationals when they have their first

00:18:26

pair of competition in 2017.

00:18:29

so you even though um even though you

00:18:32

you had all your body parts at that

00:18:34

point you still qualified for the powers

00:18:35

yeah

00:18:38

yeah there's a reduced power right so I

00:18:40

would use my knee and I would use it as

00:18:42

a counterweight but I couldn't step on

00:18:44

it at all

00:18:45

so from um from 16 through your 20s

00:18:49

um getting around with this

00:18:51

this um

00:18:53

you know not a not a you're not missing

00:18:55

any body parts or anything but getting

00:18:56

around with this disability like um was

00:18:58

everyone quite accepting uh it was it

00:19:00

was there teasing or taunting or

00:19:01

anything like that how did you feel

00:19:05

yeah I think you know I think my whole

00:19:07

life I've dealt with negative labels

00:19:10

that people either say kind of

00:19:12

off-handedly without intending to be

00:19:14

unkind and maybe that's a cultural thing

00:19:16

that we need to be more aware of is that

00:19:18

sometimes our humor can be really

00:19:19

hurtful to people because you just don't

00:19:21

know who is barely hanging on right now

00:19:23

and in what button you're pressing

00:19:26

um but yeah right from the age of 16 I

00:19:28

remember at 16 and adult saying to me if

00:19:31

you were a horse I would shoot you

00:19:32

myself

00:19:33

and has his uh theory was that I didn't

00:19:39

have enough Faith or positivity to heal

00:19:41

myself in it all right I should just

00:19:44

keep hold down so unbelievable who was

00:19:47

it like a stranger

00:19:48

someone you know

00:19:50

I think maybe we won't go there but

00:19:53

um

00:19:54

we don't have to go there but I'm going

00:19:56

to take it as that is meaning it's

00:19:58

someone that you know and that's someone

00:19:59

in an information of power who should

00:20:01

not say things like that well no one

00:20:03

should say that anyway but at least of

00:20:05

all someone on a yeah someone that you

00:20:06

know or someone that's in a position of

00:20:07

so from a young age that are the sort of

00:20:10

negative things that that I heard now

00:20:12

and then and you're just not or I didn't

00:20:15

feel at that age capable of I guess

00:20:16

filtering for myself and choosing my own

00:20:19

labels and in my own worth and my own

00:20:21

value and that's something I've had to

00:20:23

grow into maybe not until my 30s um as

00:20:26

an adult I heard the words

00:20:29

um you're just a [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm not

00:20:31

attracted to you anymore

00:20:33

and who from a partner

00:20:35

I heard the words and I and I had to get

00:20:39

to that point where I decided nobody

00:20:43

gets to rent space in my head unless I

00:20:45

let them you can say the words you can

00:20:46

do the mean things but actually it's my

00:20:48

responsibility and it's 100 on me

00:20:51

whether I let that stick or not but um

00:20:55

I love um I love that that saying about

00:20:58

you know letting people live rent free

00:20:59

in your head but it is easier said than

00:21:02

done you know I I was brought up with

00:21:04

the slogan you know Sticks and Stones

00:21:07

um and I talked about this on the

00:21:08

podcast with with Matthew Ridge who's um

00:21:10

you know he's quite a quite a Brash

00:21:12

polarizing guys and we talked about how

00:21:14

name-calling [ __ ] hurts

00:21:17

it's easy to say shake it off or you're

00:21:19

not living rent free in my head but it's

00:21:22

easier said than done and the fact that

00:21:23

like you remember those specifics like

00:21:25

decades later it's scars yeah I'd say

00:21:29

yes scars is a good word that's

00:21:31

appropriate

00:21:33

um

00:21:34

but I also look at who I am now and what

00:21:37

I'm doing and

00:21:39

and the ways I'm learning to stand in my

00:21:41

truth and own my journey and I feel like

00:21:45

um

00:21:46

sometimes yeah sometimes those scars are

00:21:49

also the making of you maybe yeah I

00:21:52

wouldn't wear shirt on anyone but I mean

00:21:55

I like these opportunities where I have

00:21:56

a platform to share and to I I hope

00:21:59

encourage people to turn up the volume

00:22:01

on Joy because to me that's how you call

00:22:04

you know you said it's easier said than

00:22:06

done to say don't let something rent

00:22:08

space in your head so what are the

00:22:09

mental health and wellbeing tools that

00:22:11

allow us to not let someone rent space

00:22:14

and that's the stuff that I had to learn

00:22:16

from Rock Bottom and for me it became a

00:22:18

matter of running back to the climbing

00:22:21

wall where I would hear these really

00:22:22

positive things like you can do it you

00:22:24

can get it and that became such a really

00:22:26

loud verbal Audible Voice in my life and

00:22:30

then I would go home and write these

00:22:32

positive words on my mirror and I would

00:22:35

replay them to myself and I found that I

00:22:38

couldn't

00:22:39

um

00:22:39

I couldn't empty out those negative

00:22:41

words until I replaced them with

00:22:43

something positive it wasn't simply a

00:22:45

matter of saying don't think about that

00:22:46

don't let that have space it was a

00:22:49

matter of saying well I'm going to fill

00:22:51

that space with something louder and

00:22:54

something that carries more power and

00:22:56

and then also just to keep running back

00:22:58

to the stuff that makes you happy

00:23:00

you know that's why I climb

00:23:02

um it makes me happy and the more I do

00:23:04

that the more capable I feel in other

00:23:07

parts of my life of taking control and

00:23:09

being in charge of my thoughts yeah yeah

00:23:13

um

00:23:15

yeah

00:23:17

um what it do to your self-esteem over

00:23:19

those years didn't have any didn't you

00:23:22

no see the the woman on the almost

00:23:25

middle-aged woman that I'm seeing

00:23:27

sitting in front of me now the mother of

00:23:28

three the rock climbing Champion

00:23:32

um I find that difficult to believe

00:23:35

and isn't that amazing because there'll

00:23:37

be people listening Who currently you

00:23:39

know maybe don't feel they have

00:23:40

self-esteem or are questioning their

00:23:43

Worth or maybe you know maybe somebody's

00:23:45

listening who's having to put up with

00:23:48

that negativity in their life or is in a

00:23:50

situation where they're being bullied at

00:23:51

work or at home and and when you're in

00:23:55

that you cannot see that there would

00:23:57

possibly be anything brighter or bigger

00:24:00

and I couldn't in in your right that

00:24:02

we're talking about two completely

00:24:04

different people and I love that because

00:24:06

one I've had to fight to become who I am

00:24:09

but two I now get to say to people even

00:24:11

if you're in like that absolute

00:24:14

shittiest messed up space like what you

00:24:17

can see right now is not all that there

00:24:20

is and and there is so much more and you

00:24:22

you haven't even imagined it yet and I

00:24:25

never set out to become a New Zealand

00:24:28

record Setter or a paraclimer on the

00:24:30

international World stage I just I just

00:24:32

went back to rock climbing to find

00:24:34

myself again and to get over a really

00:24:38

um traumatic past with abuse and to give

00:24:41

myself a space where I could just be

00:24:44

Rachel not you know all these other

00:24:46

labels or

00:24:48

um you know as a mum to create some

00:24:50

space where I've got my time and I'm

00:24:52

putting that Mum hat down because

00:24:54

sometimes we're not very good at that

00:24:57

um all these all these positive reasons

00:24:58

for going back to climbing but at the

00:25:00

time none of it was about becoming an

00:25:02

elite athlete I just needed a piece of

00:25:04

me again and I know that there will be

00:25:06

people out there who feel like they have

00:25:08

just had strips torn off them until

00:25:10

they're a shell of who maybe they once

00:25:12

were and and I can tell them 100 there

00:25:16

is more that you just just hang on back

00:25:18

there anymore

00:25:19

yeah I you mentioned before about being

00:25:23

um being in a bad relationship did you

00:25:25

want to you want to touch upon that or

00:25:27

not really

00:25:28

I think the really powerful things to

00:25:31

touch on are that

00:25:34

um

00:25:35

maybe the ideals with

00:25:38

built up for ourselves about a happily

00:25:40

ever after or a you know a two-parent

00:25:43

family

00:25:45

um they are really lovely ideals in in

00:25:48

sometimes we put a lot of emphasis on

00:25:49

them and we feel like we can't break out

00:25:51

of something negative because then we're

00:25:53

losing that dream or that ideal but

00:25:56

um I guess that's a journey I've been

00:25:58

through where I've learned

00:25:59

sometimes the ideal is that we're better

00:26:02

apart than together and and I would much

00:26:05

rather be a single mum than teach my

00:26:07

children that love is something at 100

00:26:10

is not and

00:26:12

um and I'd I want to be a voice for that

00:26:15

so yeah when you ask me I want to touch

00:26:17

on it yes that's also a really hard

00:26:19

subject to open up and actually I

00:26:21

understand I I understand I'm completely

00:26:23

the same I try and be like as open and

00:26:24

transparent as what I can with all

00:26:25

aspects of my life but absolutely but as

00:26:27

I've grown up over the years and can

00:26:30

look back and regret some of the things

00:26:31

I overshared on the radio it's like

00:26:33

sometimes if there's other people's

00:26:35

Journey involved it's not always your

00:26:39

story alone to tell yeah that's a

00:26:43

but you know the important things to

00:26:44

focus on are that as women we

00:26:47

path and we can make positive changes

00:26:51

for not just for ourselves or for our

00:26:53

children but for wider family and people

00:26:55

in our Circle

00:26:57

and sometimes that comes down to a

00:26:59

really really really hard and

00:27:00

heartbreaking decisions but that's okay

00:27:03

too yeah and it might not feel like it's

00:27:06

okay at the time but it is okay and it

00:27:09

can be okay and there are services in

00:27:11

people who can help and for me the first

00:27:13

part was just actually my ankle you know

00:27:16

to be honest I think was my ankle that

00:27:17

gave me the

00:27:19

um the strength in the first place I

00:27:21

ended up having to see a therapist for

00:27:22

there and I was really into it I was

00:27:24

like I don't need help but it became a

00:27:26

safe place where maybe I could let the

00:27:29

walls down and then and I learned to

00:27:31

share in that safe place and then I

00:27:34

um was this you talk about going to see

00:27:36

a therapist because is this something

00:27:38

you had to do I had to do it if I wanted

00:27:40

that expert frame on my leg that was the

00:27:45

um big crazy middle expert frame on my

00:27:47

leg okay my surgeon said the last

00:27:49

patient that I did this one had a mental

00:27:51

breakdown and that's the only patient I

00:27:54

have done it on you're number two it has

00:27:56

only been down five times in New Zealand

00:27:58

and I have 100 fail rate with it

00:28:02

um just because he'd only done the one

00:28:04

um and so I needed that support in place

00:28:06

before I went through that because it

00:28:08

was going to be really traumatic so how

00:28:10

many sessions do they do they make you

00:28:11

go to is it like three hours two hours I

00:28:14

don't even remember right

00:28:16

um so the reason I ask is um me and my

00:28:19

ex JJ we went through the whole facility

00:28:21

fertility cycle for a number of years

00:28:22

and when we gave up on um having our own

00:28:26

kids and uh decided to go to the donor

00:28:28

path

00:28:29

um uh prerequisite of that is having

00:28:31

like a couple of hours of counseling and

00:28:32

they ask you that I hadn't had any

00:28:34

counseling and I was I was like you're

00:28:35

completely anti-counseling at that point

00:28:37

um but they ask you questions like oh

00:28:39

how would you feel like if um if if your

00:28:42

mate later on in life comes along and

00:28:43

wants to be more of a father figure in

00:28:45

the kid's life and it's like I felt like

00:28:47

I [ __ ] my way through the couple of

00:28:48

hours with the counselor yeah I knew

00:28:50

what I knew what the right answers were

00:28:51

and what the wrong answers were so truth

00:28:53

didn't even matter this is so accurate

00:28:56

though and I like so by the time I ended

00:28:58

up seeing this therapist um or

00:29:00

psychologist

00:29:01

I had been through maybe five or six

00:29:04

counselors and I had [ __ ] my way

00:29:06

through all of them and I would get to

00:29:08

the end and they would say well you know

00:29:11

you seem really well put together and

00:29:13

you've got some good coping strategies

00:29:15

for the things that you've shared none

00:29:17

of which were actually the things I

00:29:18

needed help with because I didn't go

00:29:20

there

00:29:21

um I don't and then I would say we don't

00:29:23

really know that we can help you anymore

00:29:25

and so I'd walk out of there feeling

00:29:26

quite proud of myself

00:29:28

another one

00:29:30

and met with how I went into this next

00:29:33

one

00:29:35

do you think they know uh they know they

00:29:38

know you're not being completely on or

00:29:39

say but that's the thing with therapy is

00:29:41

unless you're willing to take your mask

00:29:44

off and be real then they can't help you

00:29:47

and that is the thing with abuse as well

00:29:49

as unless you have got to the point

00:29:51

where

00:29:52

you're willing to accept the help and

00:29:54

you're willing to do you know the hard

00:29:56

things and make the hard choices and to

00:29:58

be really vulnerable which does feel

00:30:01

really icky to start with and and you

00:30:03

know and you're probably going to lose

00:30:05

some friends and it's going to be really

00:30:07

really hard unless you've got to the

00:30:09

point that you're ready to do that then

00:30:10

counseling isn't going to work yeah

00:30:13

um but I feel like um for I think for

00:30:16

for New Zealand men in particular

00:30:18

um being vulnerable and having these

00:30:21

real walls down conversations are tough

00:30:23

so therapy is a great way to start you

00:30:26

know I think it's for me in particular

00:30:27

though I thought I think it is harder

00:30:29

for kiwi men it's like um you know if I

00:30:32

noticed some like women out at a bar or

00:30:34

whatever like um they can be almost

00:30:35

complete strangers in the same sort of

00:30:37

group and someone will start crying and

00:30:38

then the others will gravitate around

00:30:39

the bond to each other

00:30:41

um I've got guy mates that have known

00:30:42

for a couple of years and we've never

00:30:44

had anything more than a superficial com

00:30:45

you know conversation I feel like women

00:30:48

I don't know that's a that's a general

00:30:49

maybe it depends on the setting I

00:30:51

definitely know circumstances where if a

00:30:54

man were to be tearful and emotional

00:30:56

they would be considered really strong

00:30:58

and I think that's the narrative is

00:31:01

changing isn't it yeah but whereas for

00:31:03

women if we are tearful or emotional

00:31:06

about some things in particular when

00:31:08

we're asking for help we're maybe

00:31:10

considered

00:31:11

um too sensitive or too emotional or

00:31:15

hormonal or hormonal or oh it's just PMS

00:31:18

you know like you're kind of screwed

00:31:21

either way yeah yeah oh she said three

00:31:23

Pinot Gris she always does this which is

00:31:25

the one I think that the dialogue goes

00:31:27

both ways and but you know the key point

00:31:30

there is that

00:31:32

being vulnerable is really important

00:31:33

yeah absolutely it feels like a huge

00:31:35

weight off there is that old saying like

00:31:37

a problem [ __ ] is a problem halved but

00:31:39

it's it's totally true I mean unless

00:31:40

it's shared on radio and then you

00:31:42

probably just doubles your problem yeah

00:31:44

that's true

00:31:45

um it's yeah it's funny that you talk

00:31:46

about having an abusive relationship

00:31:48

because this is not something I've

00:31:49

actually thought about until right now

00:31:50

but I feel like um over the years on and

00:31:53

off I too have been in a abusive

00:31:55

relationship but it's with myself we do

00:31:58

that don't we

00:31:59

yeah yeah have you

00:32:02

it feels that feels like your situation

00:32:04

like your self-esteem was slowly like

00:32:06

chipped Away by another person

00:32:08

um but you may it's like I'd um I yeah

00:32:12

I'd I'd never I'd like to think I'd

00:32:14

never stand an abusive relationship like

00:32:16

that where someone else is like

00:32:17

belittling me or being mean to me um but

00:32:20

I'll I'll say things to myself that I

00:32:23

wouldn't accept from anyone else we do

00:32:25

yeah I think everybody does yeah as well

00:32:27

yeah absolutely but that's where um

00:32:30

I think I was saying earlier I got to

00:32:32

that point where I have to work out that

00:32:34

letting that stuff have space in my head

00:32:36

and repeating it to myself is that's on

00:32:39

me that's my responsibility

00:32:41

um and for me I have to see it written

00:32:44

down so I will write the opposite maybe

00:32:46

of how I'm feeling on my mirror

00:32:49

um often it's

00:32:50

um so like is it like fake it till you

00:32:52

make it a little bit Yeah so like what

00:32:54

do you write on your mirror like

00:32:55

positive affirmations or

00:32:57

um yeah at the moment I think I have

00:33:01

which is I'm brave I'm resilient and

00:33:05

I I have things like

00:33:09

um be you do you for you little

00:33:12

affirmations that remind me to stay true

00:33:14

to who I am and not to shrink around

00:33:17

other people I guess and to to embrace

00:33:20

those opportunities to use my voice and

00:33:23

into yeah I guess be myself but it's

00:33:26

really hard to do and we do beat up on

00:33:28

ourselves and we say all sorts of [ __ ]

00:33:30

that like if our kids friends said that

00:33:33

to our kids

00:33:34

I mean I would be I would be knocking on

00:33:38

someone's door saying hey we're gonna

00:33:39

have a little chat yeah before you see

00:33:41

because we don't want you hanging out

00:33:42

with a Jaden anymore it feels like a

00:33:43

Jaden sort of thing I don't know

00:33:46

yeah I think we're much kinder to other

00:33:48

people and it's easier to see that those

00:33:51

behaviors and and that is the trap with

00:33:53

abuses that's why it's hard to get out

00:33:55

of because you pick up the mindsets and

00:33:59

the attitudes that one else has put on

00:34:01

you and you start wearing that like your

00:34:03

comfortable outfit and your favorite

00:34:04

clothing and you just get up and you go

00:34:06

through your day thinking well I am just

00:34:08

a [ __ ] [ __ ] that's all I can

00:34:10

achieve and so I'm not going to fight

00:34:12

for anything else

00:34:14

um and at some point you have to decide

00:34:16

that's not the outfit I'm wearing today

00:34:18

I'm gonna wear strong and confident and

00:34:21

capable and I might not feel any of

00:34:23

those things but if I put that clothing

00:34:25

on as armor and go through my day

00:34:29

reminding myself of it then you slowly

00:34:32

grow into there and you slowly become

00:34:34

more of what

00:34:36

you know written written in the path

00:34:38

after a while do you just um start to

00:34:42

believe the narrative that someone else

00:34:43

is feeding you is that what it is yeah

00:34:46

that does happen

00:34:47

um yeah

00:34:48

yeah and I think you're in survival mode

00:34:50

so yeah you're

00:34:53

yeah you're not always making your own

00:34:56

choices for yourself yeah oh man that's

00:34:59

so rough

00:35:00

geez

00:35:01

so the so the leg so when

00:35:04

you must have been wrestling with that

00:35:06

decision for years so the surgencies are

00:35:08

we don't advise you to do this

00:35:10

um how long were you thinking I want to

00:35:12

do this but I know it's not the right

00:35:14

thing to do but before you reach the

00:35:15

decision that's like right let's go take

00:35:18

this thing off like how many years I'm

00:35:20

getting it two years no no

00:35:23

I think I just got to a point where I

00:35:26

was like oh geez I'm done like I don't

00:35:28

want any more surgery so it's just

00:35:30

love it off I know and I um and I asked

00:35:34

like as soon as I got to that point I

00:35:36

asked straight away but I also knew I

00:35:38

would be probably told no the first time

00:35:40

and

00:35:42

um and sure enough I was told no and so

00:35:45

I waited 12 months and then I and during

00:35:47

that time I made lots of really

00:35:49

inappropriate dark humor jokes about

00:35:51

cutting legs off which probably made

00:35:53

people feel really uncomfortable but it

00:35:55

was kind of my way of adjusting to the

00:35:58

the probably New Meme that was coming

00:36:00

and then I asked a second time and by

00:36:03

the time I got to the surgery day I was

00:36:05

just honestly I was so excited for it

00:36:06

and um attitude were there to film so I

00:36:09

have a really beautiful film of my

00:36:10

amputation morning which sounds like a

00:36:13

weird thing but it's really nice to have

00:36:15

that and for me it was a

00:36:17

um

00:36:18

I guess a process of letting go of

00:36:20

something that wasn't serving me well

00:36:22

anymore and maybe that's a bit of a

00:36:25

actually there's pretty metaphor with

00:36:26

metaphor with my life and uh yeah and a

00:36:29

bad relationship that you're in so yeah

00:36:31

it's something that you love something

00:36:32

that's a part of you but something that

00:36:34

you just know is toxic to you yeah it's

00:36:37

pretty hard to let go but then once

00:36:38

you've made the decision it's quite

00:36:40

freeing I remember there were two points

00:36:41

I cried on the morning of my amputation

00:36:44

um one was when they came and put a or

00:36:47

went to put a fluorescent pink return

00:36:50

body part sticker on my wristband

00:36:52

because I'd asked to have my leg back

00:36:54

and it's currently in my wardrobe

00:36:56

um the extra one the OD yes the actual

00:37:00

Vehicles it's very Jeffrey dahmerish

00:37:02

what do you mean it's in your wardrobe

00:37:04

it shouldn't have been the freezer or no

00:37:06

oh

00:37:09

that makes way more sense it's ashes

00:37:13

okay

00:37:15

there's this decaying leg with like

00:37:20

we're getting sidetracked but it's a

00:37:22

great Sidetrack I had this dilemma where

00:37:24

I felt like you know talking about

00:37:26

letting go I was ready to let go but

00:37:28

it's not rubbish so I didn't want to

00:37:30

just Turf it out with somebody's

00:37:33

appendix and some old guy's prostate

00:37:36

cancer like I don't need it to just go

00:37:37

up in the incinerator like that so I

00:37:39

kind of wanted to hold on to it and then

00:37:41

I felt well you can't like I can't put

00:37:44

that under a tree in the backyard

00:37:45

because one day I'm gonna sell the house

00:37:48

and move on maybe and then the next

00:37:51

family and their mum's gonna be at the

00:37:53

kitchen peeling potatoes one day and her

00:37:55

four-year-old's gonna come in waving a

00:37:56

leg skeleton and then there'll be a

00:37:58

homicide inquiry into me but I'll just

00:38:01

be off in Europe somewhere climbing like

00:38:03

it's gonna go bad really quickly so I

00:38:05

rang a crematorium in Wellington uh it's

00:38:08

a fairly awkward conversation I forgot

00:38:11

to explain that I was having an

00:38:12

amputation and I just rang in basically

00:38:15

cold called them and said hey uh I'm

00:38:17

calling from wanganui eight I was

00:38:19

wondering if you could cremate a leg

00:38:22

on the other end was like

00:38:24

um

00:38:25

uh just the league I was like yeah yeah

00:38:27

just the leg

00:38:28

uh a human leg I was like yes yes just a

00:38:32

human leg and then something like a

00:38:34

radio station well that or someone's

00:38:37

disposing of a body part it like you

00:38:39

know 15 different crematoriums

00:38:44

so I had to quickly I think the criminal

00:38:46

the crematorium that gets the phone call

00:38:48

about the head to be amputated

00:38:52

see uh yeah so that's in my wardrobe

00:38:54

where were we okay so I was crying I

00:38:57

just want to sit on this for a second so

00:38:59

like in terms of charging you is it like

00:39:02

10 of a body or that was the question I

00:39:05

had to ask how much is it gonna cost me

00:39:08

uh

00:39:09

and then the next question was um okay

00:39:13

so that's awesome that you can do it and

00:39:15

it's not that expensive in fact I think

00:39:17

the answer was

00:39:18

we could probably do it on the back of

00:39:20

an actual crematorium when we already

00:39:22

have the fire going so we won't have to

00:39:24

fire it up just your one leg so that'll

00:39:27

make it cheaper and I don't think they

00:39:28

charged me in the end at all which was

00:39:30

really kind of them

00:39:31

um so you thought it was going to cost

00:39:32

you an arm and a leg but then I was able

00:39:34

to negotiate yeah just the league not

00:39:37

even the league okay

00:39:40

um

00:39:42

refocus so okay so you're excited going

00:39:45

into surgery what's involved what's

00:39:47

involved with the surgical procedure is

00:39:48

it a is it a quick operation I didn't

00:39:51

really ask yeah no not my circus not my

00:40:03

yeah maybe an hour and a half I don't

00:40:06

think it's complicated but so they just

00:40:08

saw it off and

00:40:10

and then the crematorium comes and picks

00:40:13

it up I don't know like I'm guessing

00:40:15

there's something that's involved and

00:40:16

and like creating a stunt uh yes so

00:40:19

there should be a um muscle rep that

00:40:21

comes up over the end of the turbine fib

00:40:23

and that's what I'm having looked at

00:40:25

maybe having fixed in the next little

00:40:27

bit um I have an appointment up here in

00:40:29

a week with a surgeon because my muscle

00:40:31

rep herniated so I don't have anything

00:40:33

between the bone and the skin it's just

00:40:37

literally four mL of skin and I'm

00:40:39

walking on that

00:40:41

um but yes that

00:40:44

they cut it off I had a cry when they

00:40:46

said put the return body part sticker on

00:40:48

and then I think I cried when they came

00:40:51

in with the blood bank forms and they

00:40:53

said you can't go in with your last name

00:40:56

of Maya which was really meaningful to

00:40:59

me

00:41:00

um you're gonna have to go in with your

00:41:01

previously married name because if

00:41:04

something happens on the surgical table

00:41:06

and you need blood we can only give it

00:41:08

to you under that name and I had a big

00:41:10

cry and they went away and said oh that

00:41:12

was just a glitch in our system we've

00:41:14

fixed it sorry about that unbelievable

00:41:15

so that's a yeah so yes that was a name

00:41:18

that you no longer comfortable using

00:41:19

yeah and so when we talk about letting

00:41:21

go and moving on and how the amputation

00:41:23

was a bit of a metaphor for letting go

00:41:25

and moving on it was really quite

00:41:27

symbolic for me and I was really I don't

00:41:30

know I guess it was a really emotional

00:41:31

day on so many levels because I could

00:41:33

just see how much I had grown and how

00:41:35

I'd become through this journey with

00:41:37

this ankle and this disability and who I

00:41:39

was still becoming and all the places

00:41:42

that I was going to go and yeah amazing

00:41:45

and and so when you get the operation

00:41:46

done so what year are we talking 2018

00:41:48

2019 2019. how old are your three

00:41:51

children at the time uh it's gonna be

00:41:53

the weirdest thing for a young cat your

00:41:55

mum having having both feet and then

00:41:57

only having one I was super excited for

00:41:59

it were they I must you must have been

00:42:01

projecting on to them maybe but you know

00:42:04

I think I always did this for the little

00:42:06

things it was never about my sport as an

00:42:09

athlete it was always those small

00:42:10

moments with my kids and I remember

00:42:12

quillin who would have been I guess six

00:42:14

seven at the time

00:42:16

um he wait he's 12 now he would have

00:42:19

been eight or nine at the time okay is

00:42:21

he the youngest he is the youngest he

00:42:22

had said to me when I came back from my

00:42:24

first world Champs I think mum can't you

00:42:26

like why can't you can't you just take

00:42:28

that leg off and get one of those ones

00:42:30

that actually work and then you could

00:42:33

stop saying no to me when I ask you to

00:42:35

play

00:42:37

um so that was one of the big motivators

00:42:40

for me was a is that Thea was so

00:42:43

disconnected from my kids because I was

00:42:45

in so much pain all the time is that the

00:42:47

child that also said all you thought he

00:42:49

does like munch on pills and oh my God

00:42:51

full of the truth bombs he is such a

00:42:53

sweetheart but he's also been making me

00:42:55

a flat weight on the coffee machine

00:42:56

since he was five yeah and he is oh he's

00:43:00

such a darling

00:43:01

um all three of my kids are amazing but

00:43:04

I've definitely got a sweet spot for the

00:43:06

boys and um

00:43:07

yeah they're just I'm incredibly

00:43:10

incredibly lucky mum to have such

00:43:12

amazing kids and we've had to learn to

00:43:14

be a team and we've had to learn that

00:43:16

it's okay to not be okay and we've had

00:43:18

to learn to be able to see what does

00:43:21

support look like for you right now and

00:43:22

for me that's doing it for the boys when

00:43:24

they are overwhelmed because Charlotte's

00:43:26

disability is so demanding in our family

00:43:28

yeah what Charlotte got um so she has

00:43:30

tracked 12 which is a rare chromosome

00:43:33

difference she's one of only 30 people

00:43:35

on the entire planet to have it oh what

00:43:38

does that mean exactly uh come through

00:43:40

the superpower of ADHD and autism and

00:43:43

intellectual disability

00:43:45

um quite severe or

00:43:47

she'll she'll be a dependent for her for

00:43:49

her life

00:43:50

um she's communicative she can talk she

00:43:53

can bird flip you so you can drop the

00:43:55

water if all the cute things all the

00:43:57

essentials to get through life she can

00:43:59

do that to her principal

00:44:01

um and does and does she what's her

00:44:05

latest one she's got one real weird

00:44:07

superpower where she doesn't really feel

00:44:09

pain the same as other people

00:44:11

so uh the other morning I woke up two

00:44:14

words that no mother would like to hear

00:44:15

at 7am on a Saturday morning

00:44:18

um she was also laughing hysterically at

00:44:20

the time so I honestly didn't take it

00:44:21

too seriously but probably should have

00:44:23

and the words were oh my goodness it's a

00:44:27

disaster I need the emergency kit I'm

00:44:30

making Footprints with my blood and she

00:44:33

literally she dropped a small small like

00:44:36

food coloring jar and then stepped on it

00:44:39

a couple of times and she just thought

00:44:40

it was hilarious that she was stomping

00:44:42

bloody Footprints all through the carpet

00:44:44

and I haven't been walking for four

00:44:45

months so I just hit the floor literally

00:44:48

all like hands and knees crawling up the

00:44:51

hallway at speed to try and get to her

00:44:53

and my 15 year old overtakes me part way

00:44:56

along the way because he's got two legs

00:44:57

and he's faster

00:44:59

um and yeah there were sure enough

00:45:01

bloody footprints on the carpet food

00:45:04

coloring though not blood no actual

00:45:06

blood actual blood actual blood

00:45:08

she doesn't feel pain right right how

00:45:10

bad was the cat they weren't bad but as

00:45:13

it turns out feet can bleed a [ __ ] ton

00:45:15

how did they happen how did the cuts

00:45:17

happen she dropped a little food

00:45:18

coloring just stood on it oh okay I got

00:45:21

you I thought it was weird food coloring

00:45:23

no oh [ __ ] no not red food coloring so

00:45:27

she she's just got a massive pain

00:45:28

tolerance yeah

00:45:31

quirky that is a superpower it's a

00:45:34

superpower but we do feel pain for a

00:45:36

reason yeah this is it so it can be a

00:45:39

bit dialogical

00:45:40

um but we quite like using the word

00:45:42

super powered or magical for her or a

00:45:45

bit of a fairy rather than disabled and

00:45:47

that's kind of just how we roll and and

00:45:50

yeah like I say we've learned to say

00:45:51

what does support look like for you

00:45:53

right now I think that's a question that

00:45:56

we should ask our friends more often and

00:45:58

our family more often and our kids and

00:46:00

our partners and we don't we're just for

00:46:02

some reason we don't actually ask that

00:46:04

specific question

00:46:06

um but it's a really powerful one geez

00:46:09

well you're in a position to give them

00:46:10

some good lessons and you on things like

00:46:11

you know resilience and I don't know

00:46:14

persistence

00:46:16

yeah all the all the important stuff

00:46:19

yeah but hopefully I I mean I hope I'm

00:46:21

also teaching them to be real and that

00:46:24

you know this week Max and I my 15 year

00:46:26

old we've now and again we've screamed

00:46:28

in a pillow together just like we just

00:46:31

need a moment and so we'll put a pillow

00:46:32

over our face and we've shared the

00:46:34

moment and just screamed into a pillow

00:46:35

and I I hope that that's the stuff I'm

00:46:38

teaching them is that when you hit the

00:46:39

rock bottom these are some of the

00:46:41

strategies that will help you get

00:46:42

through not to expect that life is not

00:46:44

going to be a raffle isn't going to deal

00:46:46

[ __ ] at you because it really is and

00:46:48

sometimes it's 50 Shades of messed up

00:46:50

but if you've got all these tools and

00:46:53

you're told about and if you know how to

00:46:55

ask for help then

00:46:56

it's going to be okay even when it feels

00:46:58

like it's not well I think and I think

00:47:00

that's good you've got to be realistic

00:47:01

about it like I've had um someone on the

00:47:03

podcast and she was like my only wish

00:47:04

for my kids is for them to be happy and

00:47:06

I'm like it's it's just not a feasible

00:47:09

state to be happy all the time you need

00:47:11

to accept that there's going to be [ __ ]

00:47:13

that goes on in your life life's gonna

00:47:15

really hurt sometimes yeah and you need

00:47:17

to be armed for that don't you yep I

00:47:19

suppose that's the work you're doing

00:47:20

with your kids now we we so you I mean

00:47:23

you were either armed for all the [ __ ]

00:47:26

that's come your way or you've learned

00:47:27

and developed the skills along the way

00:47:29

what do you think it is

00:47:31

along the way I don't think I was at all

00:47:33

prepared for any of this when I grow up

00:47:36

whatever left home

00:47:38

um probably had the streets of a

00:47:41

four-year-old and

00:47:43

um

00:47:43

yeah if somebody had told me back then

00:47:46

what I would what a normal day would

00:47:48

look for me now I

00:47:50

I mean I don't know I don't know if I'd

00:47:52

still be here I'd definitely the same

00:47:54

way because it just seemed too hard I've

00:47:56

had some really rough times and I've had

00:47:58

some periods where I felt like I can't

00:48:01

keep going and I've had moments in my

00:48:03

life where I thought maybe I should not

00:48:05

keep going and I should tap out and it

00:48:08

just feels hard a lot and you don't

00:48:11

think that you're going to make it all

00:48:12

the time but over the years I guess I've

00:48:15

learned to trust myself that even in

00:48:18

those moments I've

00:48:21

I do have some skills and I have people

00:48:23

and I have the strategies and I can

00:48:25

trust that even if at the time it

00:48:27

doesn't feel good or survivable

00:48:29

I just know that it is like it has to be

00:48:31

and it is and so I will just keep going

00:48:34

and that sort of became the theme for

00:48:37

the World Cup trip that I've just been

00:48:38

on in May June July

00:48:41

um we're creating a film with my travel

00:48:43

friend her name's Katie and we wanted to

00:48:45

create this film about continuing even

00:48:48

when life just hands you [ __ ] how do you

00:48:51

continue and how do you chase the joy in

00:48:53

there and how do you create Sunshine

00:48:55

When there literally is none for that

00:48:58

whatever reason or period in your life

00:49:00

because those periods happen you you hit

00:49:02

a roadblock and it's just dark and you

00:49:04

had to make the sunshine so how do you

00:49:06

do that and how do you keep going and

00:49:08

right in the middle of it in Austria a

00:49:12

friend of mine back home lost her

00:49:14

husband to suicide

00:49:16

and

00:49:18

I just felt like there literally was no

00:49:21

point to being on the other side of the

00:49:23

planet competing and doing this athlete

00:49:26

thing and traveling the world

00:49:28

when my friends are dying at home

00:49:32

um and that's like something that so

00:49:34

many people are facing the grief of that

00:49:36

or

00:49:37

the fear that that might be them one day

00:49:39

or the you know battling those constant

00:49:42

thoughts

00:49:43

that maybe that's a path they want to

00:49:45

take like for many different reasons

00:49:47

that's a subject that's relevant to us

00:49:49

and I just I just wanted to get on a

00:49:52

plane and I wanted to come home and um

00:49:55

and we didn't and we decided we would

00:49:56

stay and we would continue and we would

00:49:59

do it all because we could in because we

00:50:02

had the strength to keep going in

00:50:03

because that's the whole point is that

00:50:06

it's not actually always about a gold

00:50:07

medal or a silver medal or a New Zealand

00:50:10

record it's about

00:50:11

continuing when everything's really hard

00:50:14

and out of that

00:50:17

you know we had an amazing trip even

00:50:19

though it was really rough it was also

00:50:21

an amazing trip there was covered there

00:50:23

was hospitals there was stump infections

00:50:26

there was grief there was loss

00:50:29

um but we grew we became different

00:50:32

people over that course of the time and

00:50:34

we continued and I hope that that's a

00:50:36

dialogue that

00:50:37

you know through our film I hope that we

00:50:39

can share that the essence of it is all

00:50:41

to continue and that when you're in that

00:50:44

big big big Darkness just to remember

00:50:47

that that's not all there is yeah as I

00:50:49

touched on before yeah keep moving

00:50:51

forward eh yeah one foot in front of the

00:50:53

other and uh yeah there's another thing

00:50:55

this too shall pass and it's just so

00:50:57

cliche but it's so true

00:51:01

[Music]

00:51:05

absolutely true like no and you've got

00:51:08

to remember like um you're good or bad

00:51:11

like if you're going through the most

00:51:12

amazing time and your life is perfect

00:51:17

like nothing stays the same forever good

00:51:20

or bad but you just need to remember

00:51:22

that yeah when it's good which seems

00:51:25

Debbie Downer but it can do I think

00:51:29

you know maybe the phrase is not so much

00:51:31

this too shall pass but like grief in

00:51:34

itself doesn't necessarily pass loss

00:51:37

doesn't pass the person is still gone

00:51:38

but we learn to live with it and so we

00:51:44

um don't necessarily make friends with

00:51:46

grief or loss or trauma but

00:51:49

um

00:51:51

the heaviness of it might pass and then

00:51:54

we learn to continue yeah with what we

00:51:56

have if that makes sense yeah I think

00:51:58

setting ourselves up for the expectation

00:52:00

that well grief was going to pass it's

00:52:02

not it's gonna it's always going to be a

00:52:04

part of you but there is another another

00:52:06

one of those cheesy cliches that Tom

00:52:07

heals Tom heals the wounds and it kind

00:52:09

of does it's like when you lose someone

00:52:12

close to you through whatever reason

00:52:13

illness suicide whatever the grief is

00:52:16

unimaginable at the beginning you think

00:52:17

about them every moment of every day and

00:52:19

then it gets it gets less and less I got

00:52:21

a mate that died of cancer a few years

00:52:22

ago and

00:52:24

um

00:52:25

every now and then like maybe once a

00:52:27

month I'll think of him and then I'll

00:52:28

feel I'll feel like a sense of guilt

00:52:30

that I don't think about them all that

00:52:31

often anymore but your life just goes on

00:52:34

and it gets further and further in the

00:52:36

background that's a horrible thing to

00:52:37

say isn't it a little bit yeah it is

00:52:42

I mean I guess it just has to be said at

00:52:44

the right times if somebody's listening

00:52:46

now now not on that place I wouldn't

00:52:49

think that it's a you know yeah that's

00:52:51

it we're petting you on the shoulder

00:52:53

thing at the point it's going to pass

00:52:54

that's not what either of us saying it's

00:52:56

just that yeah yeah but just hang in

00:52:58

there okay so so this film you've been

00:53:01

mentioning when when can we get to see

00:53:03

that uh what's going on with that

00:53:04

because the trip was quite diabolical

00:53:07

we've decided we'll continue filming

00:53:09

okay next year that's um Katie's

00:53:12

directing and filming there and we both

00:53:13

had our iPhones out the whole time and

00:53:15

it was just this

00:53:16

I don't know catastrophe of us falling

00:53:20

over and getting hit by hail storms and

00:53:23

um hospitals in every country literally

00:53:27

um so hopefully next year goes a little

00:53:28

bit better but again the point of it is

00:53:30

hopefully to create something that you

00:53:33

know opens these dialogues about grief

00:53:34

and mental health and well-being and

00:53:36

continuing so whatever the outcome of

00:53:38

that film

00:53:40

um yeah I think it will be good stuff

00:53:43

yeah and you you so you may have an

00:53:46

operation coming up to remove a bit more

00:53:48

a bit more of your of your bone or take

00:53:51

your leg a little bit higher yeah I have

00:53:52

no idea what um what revision will be

00:53:56

suggested or if the surgeon may say we

00:53:59

really don't recommend any revision at

00:54:01

all and this is what you've got so

00:54:03

you're going to have to learn to manage

00:54:05

um that's that's a possibility but I do

00:54:07

have an appointment next week to talk

00:54:09

about that and then yeah I guess if

00:54:11

there's surgery we'll just power that

00:54:13

out as fast as they can and get back on

00:54:16

the World Cup circuit in May next year

00:54:17

power that out as fast as you what does

00:54:19

that mean exactly power that out as fast

00:54:21

as you can well you just said you've got

00:54:23

to accept that you have a little bit a

00:54:24

little bit of time off the climbing but

00:54:27

um I mean not a lot like what was it so

00:54:29

when you had the foot taken off how like

00:54:31

what's the recovery like for something

00:54:32

like that I was climbing six weeks later

00:54:35

before I could walk I competed at New

00:54:37

Zealand Nationals 11 weeks later wait

00:54:39

wait wait wait wait so you were climbing

00:54:40

before you could walk yeah I just use

00:54:43

one link

00:54:44

and then wait but did you do any

00:54:46

training or when I was training in

00:54:48

hospital I took my grub streak with me

00:54:50

and I was still going

00:54:53

I didn't stop

00:54:55

you don't need legs to do pull-ups

00:54:58

um wait where were you doing the

00:54:59

pull-ups at home we've got like a

00:55:02

training set up and oh God you're a

00:55:05

surgeon's nightmare we've got like

00:55:06

little I've got a fingerboard where you

00:55:08

can hang on your fingertips and then

00:55:09

I'll get my climbing harness out and add

00:55:11

an extra 30 kgs of weight to it and just

00:55:14

do a little micro did hang so I made it

00:55:16

back to the world championships in

00:55:18

France literally five months to the day

00:55:21

after my invitation and came forth in

00:55:24

the world

00:55:25

what was your expectation right before

00:55:28

the surgery occurred did you think it

00:55:30

would take longer than that or was that

00:55:31

your good I know I was going yeah okay

00:55:33

there was no chance I was not going yeah

00:55:36

what are the surgeons say did they say

00:55:38

it's unlikely yeah yeah yeah did my GP

00:55:41

also say that might not be a great idea

00:55:43

maybe but he also is very good and he

00:55:47

said but I also know this will help your

00:55:49

mental health and your recovery and so I

00:55:50

will allow it yeah yeah they just yeah I

00:55:53

suppose they have to like say oh we

00:55:54

don't necessarily approve it but yeah

00:55:56

the same as the doctor in Austria this

00:55:58

year um I had a stump infection and I

00:56:02

ended up in another ER Maybe

00:56:05

um but this time instead of saying oh my

00:56:07

God you need to go straight to hospital

00:56:08

and stay there for a while at like the

00:56:11

doctor in Germany he was a um crank

00:56:14

Works Lover he had like eight bikes or

00:56:16

something and rock climbed himself and

00:56:19

he just looked at me and said well

00:56:21

I know that even if I say to you you

00:56:24

should not be climbing in the next World

00:56:25

Cup you're not going to listen to me so

00:56:29

instead I'm just going to tell you you

00:56:32

are not allowed to train you are not

00:56:34

allowed to walk you are not allowed to

00:56:35

wear your leg until the day of the world

00:56:37

cup and then you may do your two climbs

00:56:39

for qualifiers and if you get there

00:56:41

you're one client for finals and that is

00:56:43

it that is all you'll do and you are not

00:56:45

allowed to break skin again if you break

00:56:47

skin you've done that you're out so I

00:56:50

did my first qualifier climb and I was

00:56:53

pretty sure I'd broken the skin I was

00:56:55

like well

00:56:56

I just don't look I don't know

00:57:01

what my next did my next qualifier and I

00:57:05

made it in finals and I also did not

00:57:08

look for the next two days I was like I

00:57:11

just if I don't change the dressing then

00:57:12

I don't know what's going on

00:57:15

I mean they've got your best interest at

00:57:16

heart they do I think maybe they

00:57:19

underestimate your determination

00:57:21

determination stupidness

00:57:27

yeah so um back to what we started with

00:57:30

at the beginning why why are you so

00:57:32

funny about the word inspirational

00:57:34

why why does it you can I I can see even

00:57:37

wince when I say it why are you funny

00:57:39

about that

00:57:41

um it's a really hard question to answer

00:57:42

without sounding like an ass so I guess

00:57:44

I can share some experiences that maybe

00:57:47

explain it okay

00:57:49

um but I mean at the same time I'm not

00:57:51

I'm not allergic to it per se maybe I

00:57:53

just have a slight intolerance

00:57:55

I think that honestly whenever someone

00:57:58

says the word it's like you've just

00:57:59

swallowed a like a cold mouth full of

00:58:01

sick

00:58:02

it's a compliment right like if someone

00:58:05

says that and they mean it it comes from

00:58:06

a complimentary place and I think if

00:58:08

someone came to me and said I was

00:58:10

inspired by you to not give up and I was

00:58:13

going to give up and I'm still here

00:58:15

today because something you said made me

00:58:17

think there was a reason to keep going

00:58:19

that's like I I live for that if that's

00:58:22

what I spend the rest of my life doing

00:58:24

speaking and sharing and and giving

00:58:26

people hope when they feel like they

00:58:27

don't have any then

00:58:28

I'm here for that but when you're in the

00:58:32

gym in the supermarket and the petrol

00:58:33

station and just walking down the street

00:58:36

or whatever and you hear 10 times a day

00:58:39

someone say to you

00:58:41

um oh you're so inspirational that you

00:58:43

even get out of bed in the morning

00:58:45

that's not actually helpful oh okay so

00:58:48

if you're not doing anything

00:58:49

inspirational well even just that that

00:58:52

person I mean even if I was doing

00:58:54

something inspirational but if that

00:58:57

person has not been inspired to become

00:59:00

better or or to do something that was

00:59:04

hard or to overcome a challenge or I

00:59:08

don't know inspired to just be still and

00:59:10

be in the moment and be present if

00:59:12

they're not inspired to be or do

00:59:14

anything then it is just a word that

00:59:16

they're saying that they probably walk

00:59:18

away thinking they've encouraged a

00:59:20

disabled person and it's just

00:59:22

patronizing it's quite patronizing and I

00:59:24

think you have to remember as well that

00:59:25

I

00:59:26

or we as a you know as a community

00:59:29

disabled people we would get that many

00:59:31

many times a day and sometimes quite

00:59:33

obnoxiously where people come into your

00:59:36

space you're having a conversation with

00:59:37

a friend and they'll sort of hijacked

00:59:39

your conversation to come and tell you

00:59:41

oh I read your article or I listened to

00:59:43

that podcast with dom Harvey where Dom's

00:59:45

in lots of inappropriate things

00:59:48

um

00:59:52

sometimes I'm going to ask but it's

00:59:54

accidental that's fine that's why I

00:59:56

wanted to know about the inspirational

00:59:57

thing I love the way you've explained it

00:59:59

I'm missing with you I think like the

01:00:01

point being it sort of hijacks really

01:00:04

meaningful connections that we need

01:00:06

because it is [ __ ] and it is hard and we

01:00:09

are on struggle Street and I have I

01:00:11

still have days where I have to battle

01:00:13

the thought that maybe quitting would be

01:00:15

easy and I'm not going to do that and

01:00:17

I'm staying and I'm here for my kids and

01:00:19

for myself and

01:00:21

um

01:00:21

and for everything all the ups and downs

01:00:23

but it's a battle and to be having those

01:00:28

meaningful connections during our day

01:00:29

hijacked by somebody who wants to know

01:00:31

what happened to your leg or are you so

01:00:33

inspiring it's it's not encouraging and

01:00:35

it's not helpful so I guess I like to

01:00:37

advocate for that in a way that sort of

01:00:39

speaks the truth and love so to speak

01:00:41

gotcha occasionally I'm rude about it

01:00:44

but are you well just at the end of a

01:00:46

long day uh yeah or just a if just if

01:00:49

you're having a moment having a sassy

01:00:51

moment I guess both there was a guy in a

01:00:53

petrol station who called it out once

01:00:55

and he's he just it's the question like

01:00:57

what happened to your leg question that

01:00:58

I'm like you haven't stopped to think

01:01:00

that this you know for me it's not

01:01:02

trauma but someone it could be the most

01:01:04

traumatic part of their life and you've

01:01:06

just asked a stranger to tell them that

01:01:08

story just because you were curious they

01:01:10

think that's incredibly rude and someone

01:01:12

called it out across a petrol station

01:01:13

Excuse Me Miss did you lose your leg

01:01:16

from kicking cats

01:01:18

I yelled back no I lost my leg kicking

01:01:22

idiots who ask stupid questions and then

01:01:25

I walked out of that shop like I owned

01:01:28

it

01:01:29

might drop oh that's amazing that is a

01:01:31

bike drop although that's not a bad line

01:01:32

like if you're gonna ask a dumb question

01:01:34

you're gonna get a dumb answer sometimes

01:01:37

I tell stories I do like to tell kids

01:01:39

that I I think I borrowed myself another

01:01:41

EBT friend I didn't eat my vegetables

01:01:43

and my leg fell off

01:01:45

and usually the mothers over the

01:01:47

shoulders are just like thank you

01:01:48

because they know they're going to get

01:01:51

veggies into them for maybe a week till

01:01:52

they work it out wow yeah I suppose

01:01:55

people don't realize how um I don't know

01:01:57

they probably think it's like a

01:01:58

conversation starter but they probably

01:01:59

don't realize how insensitive it's a

01:02:01

really dumb conversation it is yeah I

01:02:03

mean kids I don't I don't mind but um

01:02:06

you know if you're at the gym and you're

01:02:07

working out and some guy just leans over

01:02:09

and wants to ask what happened to your

01:02:11

leg I'm like why don't you start with hi

01:02:13

my name's Dom it's nice to meet you get

01:02:17

to know me all of me and then when

01:02:19

they've got your name [ __ ] Google it

01:02:20

and find out Google it you can there's

01:02:22

so much on Google all these article's

01:02:24

online

01:02:25

um so many articles something you see it

01:02:28

just going back a couple of minutes you

01:02:29

said um yeah someone asked that question

01:02:30

and you're not particularly bothered

01:02:32

about it but a lot of people would be

01:02:34

um are you yeah are you I mean we've

01:02:37

talked about it in this podcast but I'm

01:02:40

guessing it's not a nice thing to talk

01:02:41

for you to talk about going back to 16

01:02:42

and well I just don't want to talk about

01:02:45

it 10 times a day to stream yes that's

01:02:47

stupid it's a waste of my time and

01:02:48

energy and also it's living in the past

01:02:50

yeah

01:02:52

um and I guess that's something with the

01:02:53

amputation that I didn't expect because

01:02:55

I'd had this injury for so many years

01:02:57

we're talking over a decade I genuinely

01:03:01

um was exhausted answering the question

01:03:03

when is your leg going to get better I

01:03:06

just I couldn't answer that for the

01:03:07

whole rest of my life that was I want to

01:03:09

be frustrating for you as well

01:03:11

no I don't know I would love it to get

01:03:14

better but it's not and so I

01:03:16

legitimately thought that when I

01:03:18

amputated my leg that would be an end

01:03:20

point to that in it

01:03:22

I started another starting point

01:03:25

um so I suppose it's like I mean you're

01:03:27

a mum of three so you have you have you

01:03:29

get married people asking you can have a

01:03:30

kid you have one kid people asking one

01:03:32

second one are you gonna have any more

01:03:34

you have a miscarriage and someone asks

01:03:36

you in the supermarket when are you

01:03:37

gonna have the next one and you square

01:03:39

them in the eye and say it just died and

01:03:41

it's really awkward and then you walk

01:03:42

out of the shop that's another mic drop

01:03:44

by but although quite a Macabre one

01:03:47

um yeah what yeah

01:03:49

um so as I mentioned earlier like um me

01:03:52

and JoJo had some fertility struggles

01:03:53

and it's a bit different to you but um

01:03:57

um I resonate with you in a lot of way

01:03:59

like but yeah people would make make

01:04:00

jokes and it wouldn't necessarily bother

01:04:02

me but having to be been some fertility

01:04:04

clinics and support groups and things I

01:04:06

know that it would really [ __ ] up some

01:04:07

other people but people when they find

01:04:09

out you can't have kids the thing

01:04:10

they'll say is like oh you're welcome to

01:04:12

take one of mine or take a couple of

01:04:14

mine and it doesn't bother me but having

01:04:16

been in these in these groups before

01:04:18

it's like that would really [ __ ] up a

01:04:20

lot of people and you don't realize how

01:04:21

upsetting that is I think that as a

01:04:23

society in general we're not very good

01:04:25

at slowing down and thinking before we

01:04:26

speak and

01:04:28

um but I think people people say it

01:04:29

because they think it's like funny or I

01:04:32

don't know but you know if we slow down

01:04:33

and thought about it we'd say it's not

01:04:35

yeah I mean it's not helpful we yeah

01:04:36

what's your situation it's like okay

01:04:38

hang on let me think maybe something bad

01:04:40

happened to her leg

01:04:42

maybe I you know what changes case

01:04:45

scenario gonna be like a frostpoint I I

01:04:48

don't like anyone that's lost a leg

01:04:49

there's a there's a [ __ ] traumatic

01:04:51

story behind something there yeah and

01:04:53

and similar with Charlotte I get people

01:04:55

coming up to me saying oh you're so so

01:04:56

you know so amazing that you do what you

01:04:58

do I just I couldn't do I couldn't do

01:05:00

that I couldn't have a child with a

01:05:02

disability and I'm just like really you

01:05:05

wouldn't look after your own kid like

01:05:07

yes you would you would you do you do

01:05:10

the things we're not in any of these

01:05:12

situations by choice we're just getting

01:05:13

up every day and doing our thing and so

01:05:15

that's where the

01:05:17

the repetitive you're so inspirational

01:05:20

thing starts to you know

01:05:22

way down oh yeah well thank you very

01:05:24

much for explaining that for me and

01:05:26

probably for a lot of people listening

01:05:27

as well yeah I think mindful inspiration

01:05:29

is maybe a good

01:05:31

good um

01:05:32

good way to frame it mindful inspiration

01:05:34

how do you mean being mindfully inspired

01:05:36

so

01:05:38

to listen to a nice podcast and to write

01:05:41

something down and to go away and put

01:05:43

that into practice

01:05:45

I think you know we could all be doing

01:05:47

that yeah absolutely hey it's been great

01:05:49

to finally meet you we've been um

01:05:50

bouncing DMS backwards and forwards on

01:05:52

Instagram yes

01:05:54

um great to finally sit down with you um

01:05:56

you are a badass like can I call you

01:05:58

about it absolutely well you've been

01:05:59

through you've been through it a [ __ ]

01:06:01

time something

01:06:03

um or just one final question

01:06:07

actually actually maybe maybe two two

01:06:09

final questions

01:06:12

if you could if you could go back to say

01:06:15

15 or 16 years old

01:06:17

and change

01:06:18

the other four and what happened but

01:06:21

then in turn that would change like

01:06:23

everything else that's happened in your

01:06:24

life since then and we don't know how it

01:06:26

would look now if that accident not

01:06:28

happened like would you reverse it

01:06:30

never in a million years

01:06:33

no I'd still jump

01:06:35

and for me it was conscious like I chose

01:06:37

to let go I'd still let go

01:06:40

because I love how I've become and yes

01:06:43

I've had to factor become that person

01:06:45

but I just

01:06:47

I couldn't not be who I am now and

01:06:51

and I think we're not very good at

01:06:53

saying I'm proud of myself and I'm proud

01:06:55

of what I've worked through and I'm

01:06:57

proud that I don't carry the same trauma

01:06:59

you know I can talk about things now

01:07:01

without feeling like a victim or feeling

01:07:02

like I have these labels over me I

01:07:06

choose who I am and I think that my

01:07:09

accent has through all of that kind of

01:07:13

woven it all together in a really

01:07:16

profound way so I

01:07:18

I I'm thankful for it

01:07:21

you know I wouldn't undo it

01:07:24

yeah what an answer I mean it's yeah so

01:07:27

I said every little piece of that Mosaic

01:07:29

leads to like where you are today that's

01:07:30

it yeah yeah it's like the one thread in

01:07:33

a tapestry that just has carried it kind

01:07:35

of pulled everything together in a weird

01:07:38

wonderful colorful way yeah and and

01:07:41

final one so that was such a good act oh

01:07:44

do we even leave this last question

01:07:45

we'll ask and you can cut if you don't

01:07:46

want to answer right yeah I should have

01:07:48

asked the other ones yeah I know this

01:07:50

one's I've had like quite a few people

01:07:52

on the on on the uh podcast this year

01:07:55

that if I'm either lost lost body parts

01:07:58

or have ended up like quadriplegic or

01:08:01

tetraplegic

01:08:03

um

01:08:04

do you when you dream now do you still

01:08:07

have both legs or

01:08:09

do you dream and you've got one leg

01:08:10

missing

01:08:13

it's apparently I can give you the

01:08:15

theory behind this if you you may not

01:08:18

even know maybe it's not something

01:08:19

you've thought about but apparently

01:08:21

um it takes time often a number of years

01:08:24

before people that have lost a body part

01:08:26

or you know something has drastically

01:08:28

changed accept it and apparently when

01:08:30

you finally do accept it that's when you

01:08:32

start dreaming as you are now I think

01:08:35

I've dreamed as an amputee right from

01:08:37

the start but for me I was losing the

01:08:40

leg

01:08:40

like I was losing it for 18 years and

01:08:42

becoming quite disconnected to it for a

01:08:44

really long period of time so it wasn't

01:08:46

the same as say someone who lost it

01:08:48

really quickly in an accident

01:08:50

um what is weirder for me is that when I

01:08:54

and I was watching TV the other day and

01:08:56

someone got up out of bed and walked to

01:08:58

the fridge I was like you're gonna fall

01:09:00

because they hadn't put their leg on and

01:09:03

then I remembered that they have two

01:09:05

real ones and don't need to so it's more

01:09:07

that I react the other way

01:09:10

um I very really expect

01:09:14

yeah I oh wow weird right it's like it's

01:09:18

kind of trippy okay one more question so

01:09:21

if you need to have a way in the middle

01:09:22

of the night like do you just hop to the

01:09:24

bathroom I crawl

01:09:26

I crawl I haven't yeah it's hopping's

01:09:30

quite high impact and then the dark if

01:09:32

you're a dysfunctional adult

01:09:35

you know you might hop on your leg or

01:09:37

something and break an ankle and if

01:09:39

you've only got one you don't want to do

01:09:41

this

01:09:42

and if I turn the like I cannot turn a

01:09:45

light on because I would wake my

01:09:46

autistic daughter up so I have to

01:09:47

whatever I do I have to be able to do it

01:09:49

in the dark safely okay yeah hopping

01:09:51

sounds like it could be quite nice and

01:09:52

I'm gonna do it quietly so kind of

01:09:54

stealth mode right right so I do crawl

01:09:56

and I crawl a lot at home and I've

01:09:59

worked out this cool little shuffle for

01:10:01

carrying coffee over the Lino if you put

01:10:02

a sock on and then you're online or it's

01:10:05

slippery enough you can do like a little

01:10:07

side shuffle with your foot and get your

01:10:08

coffee from the bench to the carpet and

01:10:11

then once I'm on the carpet I'll crawl

01:10:12

to carry coffee but people don't think

01:10:13

about it when you lose a leg you kind of

01:10:16

lost your arms too I can't carry like I

01:10:18

haven't been walking for four months

01:10:20

um I've put this check socket on maybe

01:10:23

three good days and that's it over the

01:10:25

last period of time

01:10:27

um I can't carry my groceries inside I

01:10:30

can't carry food that I've made to the

01:10:33

coffee table to like even put the

01:10:35

washing away so I'm I'm crawling a lot

01:10:37

just to get stuff done and there's

01:10:40

things like that that you just don't

01:10:41

even well at least I didn't even think

01:10:43

about yeah and that's a physical and I

01:10:46

guess that's why surgeons don't love to

01:10:48

remove body parts yeah as when things

01:10:50

don't go well which they haven't for me

01:10:53

um

01:10:54

there's there's a huge toll on your body

01:10:56

and your exhaustion and then your mental

01:10:58

health and then if you're in chronic

01:10:59

pain all the time which I am

01:11:02

um then you're facing that tired and

01:11:04

sleep deprived and just generally quite

01:11:07

run down

01:11:09

um but you know

01:11:10

comes with the territory and I still

01:11:12

still wouldn't take it back are there

01:11:14

are the kids reasonably good are they at

01:11:16

ages now weather reasonably good at

01:11:17

mucking in around the house oh that's so

01:11:19

amazing mate so my 15 year old literally

01:11:22

forbade me to get off the couch

01:11:24

yesterday he said to me

01:11:27

um

01:11:28

mum you've overdone it

01:11:32

um a couch mum is better than a Sheltie

01:11:34

mum

01:11:36

and I think he was just a bit shocked

01:11:38

that I was so shouty the last couple of

01:11:40

days not like me at all he's like I I've

01:11:42

realized that I did this to you for a

01:11:44

whole year and that wasn't swelled so

01:11:48

sorry about that but um the lesson of

01:11:50

the story here is that you've overdone

01:11:52

it mum and you just need to rest so I'm

01:11:55

gonna step up and you can just rest and

01:11:57

I'll manage you know dinner and I'll

01:11:59

manage getting shout out to bed and I've

01:12:02

had a lot of help in the last month with

01:12:03

meals because things have been really

01:12:05

hard

01:12:06

um and yeah really really hard kind of a

01:12:09

nice big rock bottom

01:12:11

um but like I said we expect you know

01:12:13

there's going to be times when it

01:12:15

happens the kids are amazing yeah it's a

01:12:19

really good EQ yeah very good EQ yeah

01:12:22

amazing and that's got to be a partly a

01:12:25

reflection on you and the job you've

01:12:27

done oh thank you yeah I think we just

01:12:29

muddle through and we're learning a lot

01:12:31

about each other as we go yeah hey thank

01:12:33

you so much for your time today no

01:12:35

problem it's been pleasure Rachel Meyer

01:12:37

New Zealand paraglama record holder and

01:12:39

just all-around badass

01:12:41

don't you dare call her inspirational

01:12:45

unless you're going to make some serious

01:12:47

changes yourself and do better is that

01:12:49

right cheers yeah I love you rage thanks

01:12:51

Dave you do thanks Tom

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

80
Most inspiring
80
Best concept / idea
75
Most heartwarming
75
Most quotable

Episode Highlights

The Pain of Climbing
Meyer shares her journey through pain and resilience in rock climbing.
“Climbing gives me a really good hit of adrenaline and endorphins”
@ 02m 57s
January 08, 2023
The Decision to Amputate
Meyer discusses her choice to amputate her leg for a better quality of life.
“It’s definitely improved my quality of life but it’s also come with its own package”
@ 12m 28s
January 08, 2023
Meyer the Badass Para Climber
Meet Meyer, a New Zealand para climber who defies the odds and inspires others.
“I’ve you know worst case scenario I actually have found a way to balance my health”
@ 13m 20s
January 08, 2023
The Power of Words
Words can hurt deeply, especially from those we trust. It's crucial to recognize their impact.
“Sometimes our humor can be really hurtful to people.”
@ 19m 18s
January 08, 2023
Finding Strength in Vulnerability
Being vulnerable is essential for healing and connection, especially for men.
“Being vulnerable is really important.”
@ 31m 32s
January 08, 2023
Letting Go of Toxicity
Letting go of toxic relationships can be freeing, even if it's difficult.
“Once you’ve made the decision, it’s quite freeing.”
@ 36m 40s
January 08, 2023
A Humorous Cremation Call
A light-hearted recount of a phone call to a crematorium about a leg.
“I just rang in basically cold called them and said hey uh I'm calling from wanganui.”
@ 38m 15s
January 08, 2023
Coping Strategies for Kids
Teaching children the importance of resilience and coping strategies during tough times.
“When you hit rock bottom, these are some strategies that will help you get through.”
@ 46m 31s
January 08, 2023
This Too Shall Pass
A reminder that both good and bad times are temporary.
“This too shall pass, and it’s just so cliché but it’s so true.”
@ 50m 57s
January 08, 2023
The Weight of Inspiration
Exploring the complexities of being labeled 'inspirational' and its impact on individuals.
“It's quite patronizing... just a word that they're saying.”
@ 59m 22s
January 08, 2023
A Lesson in Empathy
Discussing how society often fails to consider the sensitivity of personal stories.
“People don’t realize how insensitive it is.”
@ 01h 02m 01s
January 08, 2023
Finding Strength in Vulnerability
Rachel shares her journey of resilience and the importance of meaningful connections.
“I still wouldn’t take it back.”
@ 01h 11m 12s
January 08, 2023

Episode Quotes

I feel like it’s just me against the wall.
Rachel Maia || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
I just made my whole world smaller to survive.
Rachel Maia || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
A problem shared is a problem halved.
Rachel Maia || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
It’s okay to not be okay.
Rachel Maia || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
This too shall pass, and it’s just so cliché but it’s so true.
Rachel Maia || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
I’m proud of what I’ve worked through.
Rachel Maia || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Key Moments

Life-Altering Decision12:54
Vulnerability in Therapy29:41
Self-Compassion32:23
Emotional Surgery41:23
Life Lessons43:16
Transient Nature50:57
Humor in Adversity1:01:22
Proud of Progress1:06:55

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown

Becoming a Triathlete as an Amputee - Shaz Dagg’s Inspiring Story

November 07, 2023

21:34

Becoming a Triathlete as an Amputee - Shaz Dagg’s Inspiring Story

Ian Winson || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

December 25, 2022

57:12

Ian Winson || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Wakeboarder Brad Smeele on becoming a quadriplegic | Runners Only!

October 14, 2022

01:04:16

Wakeboarder Brad Smeele on becoming a quadriplegic | Runners Only!

He Survived an Eruption on Mount Ruapehu - William Pike on Losing his Leg & Life as an Amputee

September 04, 2024

01:39:25

He Survived an Eruption on Mount Ruapehu - William Pike on Losing his Leg & Life as an Amputee

Brad Smeele - Quadriplegic discusses his relationship after accident | Runners Only! with Dom Harvey

October 26, 2022

01:05:50

Brad Smeele - Quadriplegic discusses his relationship after accident | Runners Only! with Dom Harvey

Kerry Sutter on adjusting to life as a quadriplegic (Ali Pottinger) || Runners Only! with Dom Harvey

October 18, 2022

01:07:27

Kerry Sutter on adjusting to life as a quadriplegic (Ali Pottinger) || Runners Only! with Dom Harvey

Rich Farrell || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

April 06, 2023

01:01:57

Rich Farrell || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Penny Taylor - Surviving Meningococcal, Life as Double Amputee, and more!

August 27, 2023

01:12:19

Penny Taylor - Surviving Meningococcal, Life as Double Amputee, and more!

Liam Malone Paralympian on a mission! || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

December 07, 2022

01:10:25

Liam Malone Paralympian on a mission! || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Leo Molloy talks about how he found success after bankruptcy | Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

October 25, 2022

54:52

Leo Molloy talks about how he found success after bankruptcy | Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Shaz Dagg - Amputee & Paratriathlete’s Inspiring Story & Mindset

November 05, 2023

01:23:01

Shaz Dagg - Amputee & Paratriathlete’s Inspiring Story & Mindset

Rachel Grunwell shares her running tips for beginners! || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

October 14, 2022

57:58

Rachel Grunwell shares her running tips for beginners! || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey