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Runners only with dom Harvey and Rachel Meyer the New Zealand para climber record holder and just an all-round
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badass is it okay I've heard you do it right how are you hi I've um I heard you
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on interviews before and you don't like being called inspirational um so can I call you a badass instead
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amazing just lift that so um first of all before we get into your uh um incredible story and what
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you've been through and what you've done running any relationship with running or
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not since you were 16. oh a really short relationship with running yeah it's always going to put a dampener on
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things I could you know um yeah I tried it I didn't love it and um the leg fell off and I thought maybe
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that's what's not my thing but you're um you're a late life amputee
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so you you lost your leg your left leg um how many years ago I was three three and a half years so you were the age of
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oh three and a half years ago hang on it's not hard math come on I know you're
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from wanganui he's at 36. so what do you mean because I've had them I recorded a chat with um Liam
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Malone the um the paralympic runner last weekend and he he said it like as a kid
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uh there were times where he'd go home from the school cross country or School
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athletics stay in tears because you know his leg would fall off or had finished did last I would have thought the
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technology between then and now would have progressed to the point where that shit's not going on look I think the
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technology is and uh the technology is improving quickly but our bodies are still breakable and we're still fragile
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even though we think we're quite resilient sometimes um and unfortunately with my particular
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amputation I've got quite a long residual limb which is great that works for climbing I've got a nice lever
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um so Extra Strength there but it means that it's quite bony and just doesn't
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really it's not very durable for high impact at the moment walking's challenging so if I could even get to
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the point that I could walk all day that would be a huge win for me it's been
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four months since I've been walking properly yeah that's um that's another
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thing um Liam and lines that have alluded to as well he said uh like when he when he was in that age where he was
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going out with his friends um he'd need to drink more and therefore get drunker because the pain just of
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standing up was that much it's bad that you're so would you agree with that yeah
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um I I definitely went through a phase pre-amputation where the pain was also really bad and wine was a great form of
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resilience um it can be but it doesn't make you very functional um and so I switched that out for rock
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climbing which gives me a really good hit of adrenaline and endorphins and it doesn't make the pain completely go away
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but it certainly feels quiet when I'm on the wall I feel like it's just me
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against the wall and there's something really mindful in that and really therapeutic and then obviously that buzz
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that then when you go away and you're back in 10 out of 10 nerve pain for 14
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hours of a day and 12 hours all night and you're getting two three hours sleep
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a night and then getting up in the morning and doing the single mum thing here having that hit of endorphins and
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adrenaline during the week's really important because it just helps you cope
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with what you do have or don't have yeah yeah because Pain's pretty bad is that a
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thing um you do you not notice that when you're climbing because climbing's one
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of those things where you've got to be completely in the moment there's a lot of that yeah for sure and
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I'm still really scared of heights so falling maybe makes pain quieter surely it's not happening to you too
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often not too often but you know when I did fall when I was 16 I broke two ankles and then I am now an amputee
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that's really I'm sorry so gravity's been a bit of a [ __ ] in the past and
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we're not really best friends right well this makes it all the more remarkable
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and dear I say inspirational inspirational that you would get back get back on the horse so to speak so
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um so you were 16. do you wanna do you want to take us back to that sure okay so you're 16 you're an invercargill
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um you go to James haggis college and you're you're climbing yes so this is
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your sport of choice that's where I started climbing I was um in my second last year of high school and I always
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found School I don't know I guess socially I always felt quite awkward and didn't feel like
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I had a place where I belonged I know many people would relate to that of those teenage years they're very
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vulnerable years um and just felt like I didn't fit and then climbing was always this place
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where there's always such an Eclectic group of people there was no kind of cool kids nerds dorks jocks whatever you
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just come as you are you leave your bags and your baggage at the door and then when you're in the gym and you're
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climbing you're looking after each other you literally have your lives in each
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other's hands and there's that really high level of trust right from the
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get-go so there's a real sense of family right from the beginning and I was really drawn to that and that that was
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my introduction to climbing and then we went off to a competition oh not too far
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into our sort of climbing hobby Club starting and that was the place where I had a accident and a cooldown period at
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the end of the competition day I did a controlled drop and a bouldering fall a bouldering room and I what's a
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bouldering one um so for lessons we haven't been claiming you have two types of climbing
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one is Sport climbing with ropes one is bouldering where there are no ropes but you do have really soft ore on
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professional Landing surfaces the boys in my team as an example were doing a somersault off the top of the wall they
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were Landing absolutely fine I did a controlled fall very safely with a spotter to help catch me and my ankle
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hit a very small margin that had been duct taped back together um and that went against me so that
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angle blue kind of on the side mostly um I think there's a bit of skin covering things but you could see the
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dislocated shattered joint and then I also broke the other ankle at the same time which makes you very uncool to go
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back to high school in a wheelchair with two feet plaster first of all [ __ ] that
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Sporto wasn't the spotted spot it really wasn't like he did his job he kind of
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yeah they're not there to catch you like that sort of thing a spotter is there to kind
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of you know make sure your head doesn't hit the ground first they're there to
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sort of okay well he succeeded in doing that my head is mostly fine with it we think so how is the world we're talking
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about you say you said some of the boys in the class were doing somersaults off it how much five meters no God no my
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feet were not even the height of your ceiling it's like a couple of meters yeah it
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shouldn't have happened it was just a freak accident we have no idea why it went so wrong so quickly and are you and
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um are you in excruciating pain or does like adrenaline kicking straight away um to start with us kind of like Ugh
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that felt uncomfortable maybe it was a sprain and I went to sit up and my spotter did an excellent job of um
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crushing me back to the floor and yelling do not look don't look and at that point I worked out probably
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something had gone maybe worse than it felt and then the boys jumped down off the top and as they had the crash pads
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it sort of just reverberated through and from that point I clearly remember screaming for a good 45 minutes until
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the ambulance came just it was just it was hell um and I don't know if you've claimed
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before but rock climbing shoes are very tight and the lasers are very tight and I remember the paramedic painstakingly
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untying the laces and you could hear all the bones grating and grinding in and me
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screaming and a friend saying why don't you cut the laces in the Amber Guy saying are they your laces to cut and I
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just am completely capable we're worried about responding to anything if the
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rental shoes will cover it just exactly right it's freaking cat devices yeah yeah the way the way you tell it
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it's almost so it was almost like a quarter of a century ago um well I mean it's over half my life
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yeah yeah but it feels like it's yeah there's a lot of stuff in between um yeah so they put that ankle back
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together with part of my hip in the end they grafted bone out of my hip in there
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and then lots of metal and what do they say to you at that time so you're in the
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hospital you think oh it's a broken ankle same as like a broken arm or broken leg three months back to normal
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no they did not say that they made it clear quite early on that it was quite serious yes yep so I
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remember a point where the surgeon came in and they would often talk to my mum who was by my bed a lot
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um and not to me but I remember them talking to my mum saying she'll be in a
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wheelchair when she's older if she wants to have children so all her pregnancies
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she's gonna need a wheelchair this is going to turn into severe degenerative
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arthritis which I did and she's just gonna have a lifelong time a problem so
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I knew right from the start but I didn't connect to that or suppose when you're
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16 you're 16 you just think it's going to come right get me back on the wall okay
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um was were they saying all these things just in terms of um just any sort of weight you put on it is gonna like hurt
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and make it worse yeah so I was told um don't put on weight you need to always see a really healthy BMI don't
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carry anything extra that's unnecessary because that's going to add further
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damage um and so I guess I was always quite conscious of being healthy and staying
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fit um and then yeah over the years I did developed degenerative arthritis and it
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just over the period of what we're talking 18 years between that accident and amputation I had another nine
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surgeries to try and fix it and one of them was this horrendous expert frame that attached through the ankle but on
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the outside and through the foot and I had I think about 12 middle rods that went through my shin and my foot and my
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toes and the ink on everywhere and then I was given a pair of spanners and I had
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to slowly stretch this ankle joint apart myself in the theory behind that was to
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try and create space for new cartilage to grow which I believe only sharks can do
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I did not do it very successfully so clearly I'm not sure um but yeah that was rough I was
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discharged from hospital on a Saturday with that on I think ibuprofen encoding and that was definitely not enough so it
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was a bit of a quick trip back to the doctor for a script for something heavier and then I was in that traction
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frame for four months um parenting three children one of them with ADHD and autism
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wow so you're in from the age of 16 through the rest of your teens through your 20s
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through most of your 30s just um constant pain if I would have walked um and as the time went on needing more and
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more Mobility aids to mobilize so it went from sometimes I needed a crutch for like if it was standing for a long
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period if you're standing in line if I'm at the supermarket I might take one
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crutch and then eventually it was using an eye walk which is kind of like a prosthetic leg but you kneel you still
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have your legs so you kneel on like a shin pad thing it's quite hard to explain to listeners but straps around
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your thigh and enables you to walk on something other than your leg people often use it for like a I don't know an
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angle break that's a six-week thing um I used that for several years and then I was using two crutches or a
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wheelchair by the end of it as well right it was just done I couldn't go on like that
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so was it always um was was it always an option that you were told you had or something that
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could make your life better to remove the the Troublesome ankle the last resort that surgeons are very
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reluctant to oh yeah you know even though it would I mean it has I don't want to put words in your mouth but is
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it fair to say it's improve your quality of life it's definitely improved my
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quality of life but it's also come with its own package of okay chronic nerve
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pain in in its own sense of the word disability I guess and that has a huge impact on your mental health too so
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either way I was going to be going down a path that was going to be really really really hard there was no way out
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of that and I knew that eventually I would probably end up with an amputation as an older woman anyway and I felt that
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that was a decision I wanted the power over to do while I was young I was already competing as a para athlete for
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New Zealand I'd done one world championships in Austria in 2018 and I came home from that feeling a real
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sense of I guess contentment with the decision to amputate and that's where I
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went back to my surgeon I had already asked him and he'd said no but I went back after that event I was like look
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I've you know worst case scenario I actually have found a way to balance my health and my well-being and activity
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regardless of whether I do or don't get up on a prosthetic I have this career in
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competing and that's giving me some sanity um why did the surgeon say no do they do
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they honestly believe the the pain you were in with the um Troublesome foot would be better than the alternative
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uh I think because the alternative's so high risk so you can manage some of the
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risks if you go down the route of having several fusions within the ankle and the
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foot then that could prolong the risk of sorry deter that what's the word uh
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words um like slow down the need to amputate right so give you a bit more time if that makes sense before
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taking on something where you're sivering nerves and putting you know your whole inflammatory system and your
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body under a high amount of pressure which can cause lots of ongoing health issues so so you were for like 20 odd
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years you were walking around with like a with like a limp or with a crutch yeah
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I just didn't walk far right and I felt quite I think I think improved so much with my
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um lifestyle now I always felt like I was on the outside so if there was a social group and we were
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going somewhere and maybe everybody wanted to wander around a garden even just that little activity of going
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around a Botanical Garden might be like oh I'll I'll just set this one out or
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I'll do the first bit and then I'll sort it out um and I felt like I was just getting to
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this point where I couldn't connect to my world anymore and the world was getting smaller and smaller and that was
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my way of managing pain was just to just reduce and then reduce more and then reduce more and
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um yeah then becomes it's really isolating yeah it's pretty isolating and
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I I got to this point where I felt I was not showing or modeling to my children good strategies for managing you know
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disability and pain and and my kids were really wonderful mirrors I guess they would say things to me
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um that were quite profound and I guess shook me a lot at the time but helped me
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to see what I was modeling to them my youngest when I was when he was five he said to me mum you don't really like
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food do you you just eat pills and drink coffee and I just oh my God that must have felt
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like a dagger to your [ __ ] heart I reckon I just they just say what they see that's it
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and that's what he could see that was my way of coping with pain was I just take
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painkillers and I don't feed myself properly and I'm not going out and doing
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anything and chasing any of my dreams I've just made my whole world smaller to
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survive and that's not surviving it's definitely not thriving and that was the
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point I decided I would go that's climbing 18 years later yeah well I suppose it's being alive but it's not
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really living is it that's yeah that's the way to say it yeah okay so um
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so it was an 18-year break so you're 16 when it happens uh then 18 years and
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then you start climbing again um which seems like a a lot of people be like what the [ __ ] are you doing getting
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back up there was that hard to get back up there after given that's how this this lifelong of like pain and
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nuisance began yep and also no climbing wall in wanganui so oh yeah is there one there
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now no there's a little bit of a where do you go palmy or nope nothing there
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either um is he not a climbing woman palmy no so I can drive to uh New Plymouth for a
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very short squash court sized climbing wall or I can come to Auckland and visit you and go to extreme Edge
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um because I feel like they're all over the place in Auckland aren't they yeah
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there's a couple and there's some really great bouldering facilities as well
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right um yeah but no at the time no climbing partner either and a really huge fear of
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falling so I rocked up to the taranaki climbing gym and asked the manager on duty
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um could you point me in the direction of to wahine who will not drop me um and I was on crutches and I probably
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looked like an absolute idiot you're like what are you up to no but this woman they sort of looked me up and down
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and then without batting an eyelid they were like welcome and come in and that's
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what climbing is it's always like that you can have I mean you might not even
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speak the same language as some people have climbed in Austria with two I don't
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know 60 70 year old Germans who I could not communicate with at all but you can kind of say take rope give like the
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important kindness that's the only other word I can think of I'm safe with a good
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phrase to learn um lower or climbing clipping um that that's Universal for us but we just
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still feel like we belong so these women um took me in and they became my climbing family to start with and they
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were the ones that encouraged me maybe I could have a crack at New Zealand Nationals when they have their first
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pair of competition in 2017. so you even though um even though you you had all your body parts at that
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point you still qualified for the powers yeah yeah there's a reduced power right so I
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would use my knee and I would use it as a counterweight but I couldn't step on
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it at all so from um from 16 through your 20s um getting around with this this um
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you know not a not a you're not missing any body parts or anything but getting
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around with this disability like um was everyone quite accepting uh it was it was there teasing or taunting or
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anything like that how did you feel yeah I think you know I think my whole life I've dealt with negative labels
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that people either say kind of off-handedly without intending to be unkind and maybe that's a cultural thing
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that we need to be more aware of is that sometimes our humor can be really hurtful to people because you just don't
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know who is barely hanging on right now and in what button you're pressing um but yeah right from the age of 16 I
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remember at 16 and adult saying to me if you were a horse I would shoot you myself
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and has his uh theory was that I didn't have enough Faith or positivity to heal
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myself in it all right I should just keep hold down so unbelievable who was it like a stranger
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someone you know I think maybe we won't go there but um we don't have to go there but I'm going
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to take it as that is meaning it's someone that you know and that's someone
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in an information of power who should not say things like that well no one should say that anyway but at least of
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all someone on a yeah someone that you know or someone that's in a position of
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so from a young age that are the sort of negative things that that I heard now and then and you're just not or I didn't
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feel at that age capable of I guess filtering for myself and choosing my own labels and in my own worth and my own
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value and that's something I've had to grow into maybe not until my 30s um as
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an adult I heard the words um you're just a [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm not attracted to you anymore
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and who from a partner I heard the words and I and I had to get to that point where I decided nobody
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gets to rent space in my head unless I let them you can say the words you can do the mean things but actually it's my
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responsibility and it's 100 on me whether I let that stick or not but um I love um I love that that saying about
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you know letting people live rent free in your head but it is easier said than done you know I I was brought up with
00:21:04
the slogan you know Sticks and Stones um and I talked about this on the podcast with with Matthew Ridge who's um
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you know he's quite a quite a Brash polarizing guys and we talked about how name-calling [ __ ] hurts
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it's easy to say shake it off or you're not living rent free in my head but it's
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easier said than done and the fact that like you remember those specifics like decades later it's scars yeah I'd say
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yes scars is a good word that's appropriate um but I also look at who I am now and what
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I'm doing and and the ways I'm learning to stand in my truth and own my journey and I feel like
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um sometimes yeah sometimes those scars are also the making of you maybe yeah I wouldn't wear shirt on anyone but I mean
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I like these opportunities where I have a platform to share and to I I hope encourage people to turn up the volume
00:22:01
on Joy because to me that's how you call you know you said it's easier said than
00:22:06
done to say don't let something rent space in your head so what are the mental health and wellbeing tools that
00:22:11
allow us to not let someone rent space and that's the stuff that I had to learn
00:22:16
from Rock Bottom and for me it became a matter of running back to the climbing wall where I would hear these really
00:22:22
positive things like you can do it you can get it and that became such a really loud verbal Audible Voice in my life and
00:22:30
then I would go home and write these positive words on my mirror and I would replay them to myself and I found that I
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couldn't um I couldn't empty out those negative words until I replaced them with
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something positive it wasn't simply a matter of saying don't think about that
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don't let that have space it was a matter of saying well I'm going to fill
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that space with something louder and something that carries more power and and then also just to keep running back
00:22:58
to the stuff that makes you happy you know that's why I climb um it makes me happy and the more I do
00:23:04
that the more capable I feel in other parts of my life of taking control and being in charge of my thoughts yeah yeah
00:23:13
um yeah um what it do to your self-esteem over those years didn't have any didn't you
00:23:22
no see the the woman on the almost middle-aged woman that I'm seeing sitting in front of me now the mother of
00:23:28
three the rock climbing Champion um I find that difficult to believe and isn't that amazing because there'll
00:23:37
be people listening Who currently you know maybe don't feel they have self-esteem or are questioning their
00:23:43
Worth or maybe you know maybe somebody's listening who's having to put up with
00:23:48
that negativity in their life or is in a situation where they're being bullied at
00:23:51
work or at home and and when you're in that you cannot see that there would possibly be anything brighter or bigger
00:24:00
and I couldn't in in your right that we're talking about two completely different people and I love that because
00:24:06
one I've had to fight to become who I am but two I now get to say to people even
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if you're in like that absolute shittiest messed up space like what you can see right now is not all that there
00:24:20
is and and there is so much more and you you haven't even imagined it yet and I
00:24:25
never set out to become a New Zealand record Setter or a paraclimer on the international World stage I just I just
00:24:32
went back to rock climbing to find myself again and to get over a really um traumatic past with abuse and to give
00:24:41
myself a space where I could just be Rachel not you know all these other labels or
00:24:48
um you know as a mum to create some space where I've got my time and I'm
00:24:52
putting that Mum hat down because sometimes we're not very good at that um all these all these positive reasons
00:24:58
for going back to climbing but at the time none of it was about becoming an elite athlete I just needed a piece of
00:25:04
me again and I know that there will be people out there who feel like they have just had strips torn off them until
00:25:10
they're a shell of who maybe they once were and and I can tell them 100 there
00:25:16
is more that you just just hang on back there anymore yeah I you mentioned before about being
00:25:23
um being in a bad relationship did you want to you want to touch upon that or not really
00:25:28
I think the really powerful things to touch on are that um maybe the ideals with
00:25:38
built up for ourselves about a happily ever after or a you know a two-parent family
00:25:45
um they are really lovely ideals in in sometimes we put a lot of emphasis on them and we feel like we can't break out
00:25:51
of something negative because then we're losing that dream or that ideal but
00:25:56
um I guess that's a journey I've been through where I've learned sometimes the ideal is that we're better
00:26:02
apart than together and and I would much rather be a single mum than teach my children that love is something at 100
00:26:10
is not and um and I'd I want to be a voice for that so yeah when you ask me I want to touch
00:26:17
on it yes that's also a really hard subject to open up and actually I understand I I understand I'm completely
00:26:23
the same I try and be like as open and transparent as what I can with all aspects of my life but absolutely but as
00:26:27
I've grown up over the years and can look back and regret some of the things
00:26:31
I overshared on the radio it's like sometimes if there's other people's
00:26:35
Journey involved it's not always your story alone to tell yeah that's a but you know the important things to
00:26:44
focus on are that as women we path and we can make positive changes for not just for ourselves or for our
00:26:53
children but for wider family and people in our Circle and sometimes that comes down to a
00:26:59
really really really hard and heartbreaking decisions but that's okay too yeah and it might not feel like it's
00:27:06
okay at the time but it is okay and it can be okay and there are services in people who can help and for me the first
00:27:13
part was just actually my ankle you know to be honest I think was my ankle that gave me the
00:27:19
um the strength in the first place I ended up having to see a therapist for there and I was really into it I was
00:27:24
like I don't need help but it became a safe place where maybe I could let the
00:27:29
walls down and then and I learned to share in that safe place and then I um was this you talk about going to see
00:27:36
a therapist because is this something you had to do I had to do it if I wanted that expert frame on my leg that was the
00:27:45
um big crazy middle expert frame on my leg okay my surgeon said the last patient that I did this one had a mental
00:27:51
breakdown and that's the only patient I have done it on you're number two it has
00:27:56
only been down five times in New Zealand and I have 100 fail rate with it um just because he'd only done the one
00:28:04
um and so I needed that support in place before I went through that because it was going to be really traumatic so how
00:28:10
many sessions do they do they make you go to is it like three hours two hours I don't even remember right
00:28:16
um so the reason I ask is um me and my ex JJ we went through the whole facility fertility cycle for a number of years
00:28:22
and when we gave up on um having our own kids and uh decided to go to the donor path
00:28:29
um uh prerequisite of that is having like a couple of hours of counseling and they ask you that I hadn't had any
00:28:34
counseling and I was I was like you're completely anti-counseling at that point
00:28:37
um but they ask you questions like oh how would you feel like if um if if your mate later on in life comes along and
00:28:43
wants to be more of a father figure in the kid's life and it's like I felt like
00:28:47
I [ __ ] my way through the couple of hours with the counselor yeah I knew what I knew what the right answers were
00:28:51
and what the wrong answers were so truth didn't even matter this is so accurate
00:28:56
though and I like so by the time I ended up seeing this therapist um or psychologist
00:29:01
I had been through maybe five or six counselors and I had [ __ ] my way through all of them and I would get to
00:29:08
the end and they would say well you know you seem really well put together and you've got some good coping strategies
00:29:15
for the things that you've shared none of which were actually the things I needed help with because I didn't go
00:29:20
there um I don't and then I would say we don't really know that we can help you anymore
00:29:25
and so I'd walk out of there feeling quite proud of myself another one and met with how I went into this next
00:29:33
one do you think they know uh they know they know you're not being completely on or
00:29:39
say but that's the thing with therapy is unless you're willing to take your mask
00:29:44
off and be real then they can't help you and that is the thing with abuse as well
00:29:49
as unless you have got to the point where you're willing to accept the help and
00:29:54
you're willing to do you know the hard things and make the hard choices and to
00:29:58
be really vulnerable which does feel really icky to start with and and you know and you're probably going to lose
00:30:05
some friends and it's going to be really really hard unless you've got to the
00:30:09
point that you're ready to do that then counseling isn't going to work yeah
00:30:13
um but I feel like um for I think for for New Zealand men in particular um being vulnerable and having these
00:30:21
real walls down conversations are tough so therapy is a great way to start you know I think it's for me in particular
00:30:27
though I thought I think it is harder for kiwi men it's like um you know if I
00:30:32
noticed some like women out at a bar or whatever like um they can be almost complete strangers in the same sort of
00:30:37
group and someone will start crying and then the others will gravitate around the bond to each other
00:30:41
um I've got guy mates that have known for a couple of years and we've never
00:30:44
had anything more than a superficial com you know conversation I feel like women
00:30:48
I don't know that's a that's a general maybe it depends on the setting I
00:30:51
definitely know circumstances where if a man were to be tearful and emotional they would be considered really strong
00:30:58
and I think that's the narrative is changing isn't it yeah but whereas for
00:31:03
women if we are tearful or emotional about some things in particular when we're asking for help we're maybe
00:31:10
considered um too sensitive or too emotional or hormonal or hormonal or oh it's just PMS
00:31:18
you know like you're kind of screwed either way yeah yeah oh she said three Pinot Gris she always does this which is
00:31:25
the one I think that the dialogue goes both ways and but you know the key point there is that
00:31:32
being vulnerable is really important yeah absolutely it feels like a huge weight off there is that old saying like
00:31:37
a problem [ __ ] is a problem halved but it's it's totally true I mean unless
00:31:40
it's shared on radio and then you probably just doubles your problem yeah that's true
00:31:45
um it's yeah it's funny that you talk about having an abusive relationship
00:31:48
because this is not something I've actually thought about until right now but I feel like um over the years on and
00:31:53
off I too have been in a abusive relationship but it's with myself we do that don't we
00:31:59
yeah yeah have you it feels that feels like your situation like your self-esteem was slowly like
00:32:06
chipped Away by another person um but you may it's like I'd um I yeah I'd I'd never I'd like to think I'd
00:32:14
never stand an abusive relationship like that where someone else is like belittling me or being mean to me um but
00:32:20
I'll I'll say things to myself that I wouldn't accept from anyone else we do
00:32:25
yeah I think everybody does yeah as well yeah absolutely but that's where um
00:32:30
I think I was saying earlier I got to that point where I have to work out that letting that stuff have space in my head
00:32:36
and repeating it to myself is that's on me that's my responsibility um and for me I have to see it written
00:32:44
down so I will write the opposite maybe of how I'm feeling on my mirror um often it's
00:32:50
um so like is it like fake it till you make it a little bit Yeah so like what do you write on your mirror like
00:32:55
positive affirmations or um yeah at the moment I think I have which is I'm brave I'm resilient and
00:33:05
I I have things like um be you do you for you little affirmations that remind me to stay true
00:33:14
to who I am and not to shrink around other people I guess and to to embrace those opportunities to use my voice and
00:33:23
into yeah I guess be myself but it's really hard to do and we do beat up on ourselves and we say all sorts of [ __ ]
00:33:30
that like if our kids friends said that to our kids I mean I would be I would be knocking on
00:33:38
someone's door saying hey we're gonna have a little chat yeah before you see
00:33:41
because we don't want you hanging out with a Jaden anymore it feels like a Jaden sort of thing I don't know
00:33:46
yeah I think we're much kinder to other people and it's easier to see that those
00:33:51
behaviors and and that is the trap with abuses that's why it's hard to get out
00:33:55
of because you pick up the mindsets and the attitudes that one else has put on you and you start wearing that like your
00:34:03
comfortable outfit and your favorite clothing and you just get up and you go through your day thinking well I am just
00:34:08
a [ __ ] [ __ ] that's all I can achieve and so I'm not going to fight for anything else
00:34:14
um and at some point you have to decide that's not the outfit I'm wearing today
00:34:18
I'm gonna wear strong and confident and capable and I might not feel any of those things but if I put that clothing
00:34:25
on as armor and go through my day reminding myself of it then you slowly grow into there and you slowly become
00:34:34
more of what you know written written in the path after a while do you just um start to
00:34:42
believe the narrative that someone else is feeding you is that what it is yeah that does happen
00:34:47
um yeah yeah and I think you're in survival mode so yeah you're yeah you're not always making your own
00:34:56
choices for yourself yeah oh man that's so rough geez so the so the leg so when
00:35:04
you must have been wrestling with that decision for years so the surgencies are we don't advise you to do this
00:35:10
um how long were you thinking I want to do this but I know it's not the right
00:35:14
thing to do but before you reach the decision that's like right let's go take
00:35:18
this thing off like how many years I'm getting it two years no no I think I just got to a point where I
00:35:26
was like oh geez I'm done like I don't want any more surgery so it's just
00:35:30
love it off I know and I um and I asked like as soon as I got to that point I asked straight away but I also knew I
00:35:38
would be probably told no the first time and um and sure enough I was told no and so
00:35:45
I waited 12 months and then I and during that time I made lots of really inappropriate dark humor jokes about
00:35:51
cutting legs off which probably made people feel really uncomfortable but it was kind of my way of adjusting to the
00:35:58
the probably New Meme that was coming and then I asked a second time and by the time I got to the surgery day I was
00:36:05
just honestly I was so excited for it and um attitude were there to film so I have a really beautiful film of my
00:36:10
amputation morning which sounds like a weird thing but it's really nice to have
00:36:15
that and for me it was a um I guess a process of letting go of something that wasn't serving me well
00:36:22
anymore and maybe that's a bit of a actually there's pretty metaphor with
00:36:26
metaphor with my life and uh yeah and a bad relationship that you're in so yeah
00:36:31
it's something that you love something that's a part of you but something that
00:36:34
you just know is toxic to you yeah it's pretty hard to let go but then once you've made the decision it's quite
00:36:40
freeing I remember there were two points I cried on the morning of my amputation
00:36:44
um one was when they came and put a or went to put a fluorescent pink return body part sticker on my wristband
00:36:52
because I'd asked to have my leg back and it's currently in my wardrobe um the extra one the OD yes the actual
00:37:00
Vehicles it's very Jeffrey dahmerish what do you mean it's in your wardrobe
00:37:04
it shouldn't have been the freezer or no oh that makes way more sense it's ashes
00:37:13
okay there's this decaying leg with like we're getting sidetracked but it's a
00:37:22
great Sidetrack I had this dilemma where I felt like you know talking about letting go I was ready to let go but
00:37:28
it's not rubbish so I didn't want to just Turf it out with somebody's
00:37:33
appendix and some old guy's prostate cancer like I don't need it to just go
00:37:37
up in the incinerator like that so I kind of wanted to hold on to it and then I felt well you can't like I can't put
00:37:44
that under a tree in the backyard because one day I'm gonna sell the house and move on maybe and then the next
00:37:51
family and their mum's gonna be at the kitchen peeling potatoes one day and her
00:37:55
four-year-old's gonna come in waving a leg skeleton and then there'll be a
00:37:58
homicide inquiry into me but I'll just be off in Europe somewhere climbing like
00:38:03
it's gonna go bad really quickly so I rang a crematorium in Wellington uh it's
00:38:08
a fairly awkward conversation I forgot to explain that I was having an amputation and I just rang in basically
00:38:15
cold called them and said hey uh I'm calling from wanganui eight I was wondering if you could cremate a leg
00:38:22
on the other end was like um uh just the league I was like yeah yeah just the leg
00:38:28
uh a human leg I was like yes yes just a human leg and then something like a radio station well that or someone's
00:38:37
disposing of a body part it like you know 15 different crematoriums so I had to quickly I think the criminal
00:38:46
the crematorium that gets the phone call about the head to be amputated see uh yeah so that's in my wardrobe
00:38:54
where were we okay so I was crying I just want to sit on this for a second so like in terms of charging you is it like
00:39:02
10 of a body or that was the question I had to ask how much is it gonna cost me uh
00:39:09
and then the next question was um okay so that's awesome that you can do it and
00:39:15
it's not that expensive in fact I think the answer was we could probably do it on the back of
00:39:20
an actual crematorium when we already have the fire going so we won't have to
00:39:24
fire it up just your one leg so that'll make it cheaper and I don't think they
00:39:28
charged me in the end at all which was really kind of them um so you thought it was going to cost
00:39:32
you an arm and a leg but then I was able to negotiate yeah just the league not even the league okay
00:39:40
um refocus so okay so you're excited going into surgery what's involved what's
00:39:47
involved with the surgical procedure is it a is it a quick operation I didn't
00:39:51
really ask yeah no not my circus not my yeah maybe an hour and a half I don't
00:40:06
think it's complicated but so they just saw it off and and then the crematorium comes and picks
00:40:13
it up I don't know like I'm guessing there's something that's involved and
00:40:16
and like creating a stunt uh yes so there should be a um muscle rep that comes up over the end of the turbine fib
00:40:23
and that's what I'm having looked at maybe having fixed in the next little
00:40:27
bit um I have an appointment up here in a week with a surgeon because my muscle rep herniated so I don't have anything
00:40:33
between the bone and the skin it's just literally four mL of skin and I'm
00:40:39
walking on that um but yes that they cut it off I had a cry when they said put the return body part sticker on
00:40:48
and then I think I cried when they came in with the blood bank forms and they said you can't go in with your last name
00:40:56
of Maya which was really meaningful to me um you're gonna have to go in with your
00:41:01
previously married name because if something happens on the surgical table and you need blood we can only give it
00:41:08
to you under that name and I had a big cry and they went away and said oh that was just a glitch in our system we've
00:41:14
fixed it sorry about that unbelievable so that's a yeah so yes that was a name
00:41:18
that you no longer comfortable using yeah and so when we talk about letting go and moving on and how the amputation
00:41:23
was a bit of a metaphor for letting go and moving on it was really quite symbolic for me and I was really I don't
00:41:30
know I guess it was a really emotional day on so many levels because I could just see how much I had grown and how
00:41:35
I'd become through this journey with this ankle and this disability and who I
00:41:39
was still becoming and all the places that I was going to go and yeah amazing and and so when you get the operation
00:41:46
done so what year are we talking 2018 2019 2019. how old are your three children at the time uh it's gonna be
00:41:53
the weirdest thing for a young cat your mum having having both feet and then only having one I was super excited for
00:41:59
it were they I must you must have been projecting on to them maybe but you know I think I always did this for the little
00:42:06
things it was never about my sport as an athlete it was always those small moments with my kids and I remember
00:42:12
quillin who would have been I guess six seven at the time um he wait he's 12 now he would have
00:42:19
been eight or nine at the time okay is he the youngest he is the youngest he had said to me when I came back from my
00:42:24
first world Champs I think mum can't you like why can't you can't you just take
00:42:28
that leg off and get one of those ones that actually work and then you could stop saying no to me when I ask you to
00:42:35
play um so that was one of the big motivators for me was a is that Thea was so disconnected from my kids because I was
00:42:45
in so much pain all the time is that the child that also said all you thought he
00:42:49
does like munch on pills and oh my God full of the truth bombs he is such a sweetheart but he's also been making me
00:42:55
a flat weight on the coffee machine since he was five yeah and he is oh he's
00:43:00
such a darling um all three of my kids are amazing but I've definitely got a sweet spot for the
00:43:06
boys and um yeah they're just I'm incredibly incredibly lucky mum to have such
00:43:12
amazing kids and we've had to learn to be a team and we've had to learn that
00:43:16
it's okay to not be okay and we've had to learn to be able to see what does
00:43:21
support look like for you right now and for me that's doing it for the boys when
00:43:24
they are overwhelmed because Charlotte's disability is so demanding in our family
00:43:28
yeah what Charlotte got um so she has tracked 12 which is a rare chromosome difference she's one of only 30 people
00:43:35
on the entire planet to have it oh what does that mean exactly uh come through the superpower of ADHD and autism and
00:43:43
intellectual disability um quite severe or she'll she'll be a dependent for her for
00:43:49
her life um she's communicative she can talk she can bird flip you so you can drop the
00:43:55
water if all the cute things all the essentials to get through life she can do that to her principal
00:44:01
um and does and does she what's her latest one she's got one real weird superpower where she doesn't really feel
00:44:09
pain the same as other people so uh the other morning I woke up two words that no mother would like to hear
00:44:15
at 7am on a Saturday morning um she was also laughing hysterically at the time so I honestly didn't take it
00:44:21
too seriously but probably should have and the words were oh my goodness it's a
00:44:27
disaster I need the emergency kit I'm making Footprints with my blood and she
00:44:33
literally she dropped a small small like food coloring jar and then stepped on it
00:44:39
a couple of times and she just thought it was hilarious that she was stomping bloody Footprints all through the carpet
00:44:44
and I haven't been walking for four months so I just hit the floor literally
00:44:48
all like hands and knees crawling up the hallway at speed to try and get to her and my 15 year old overtakes me part way
00:44:56
along the way because he's got two legs and he's faster um and yeah there were sure enough
00:45:01
bloody footprints on the carpet food coloring though not blood no actual blood actual blood actual blood
00:45:08
she doesn't feel pain right right how bad was the cat they weren't bad but as
00:45:13
it turns out feet can bleed a [ __ ] ton how did they happen how did the cuts happen she dropped a little food
00:45:18
coloring just stood on it oh okay I got you I thought it was weird food coloring
00:45:23
no oh [ __ ] no not red food coloring so she she's just got a massive pain tolerance yeah
00:45:31
quirky that is a superpower it's a superpower but we do feel pain for a reason yeah this is it so it can be a
00:45:39
bit dialogical um but we quite like using the word super powered or magical for her or a
00:45:45
bit of a fairy rather than disabled and that's kind of just how we roll and and
00:45:50
yeah like I say we've learned to say what does support look like for you right now I think that's a question that
00:45:56
we should ask our friends more often and our family more often and our kids and our partners and we don't we're just for
00:46:02
some reason we don't actually ask that specific question um but it's a really powerful one geez
00:46:09
well you're in a position to give them some good lessons and you on things like
00:46:11
you know resilience and I don't know persistence yeah all the all the important stuff
00:46:19
yeah but hopefully I I mean I hope I'm also teaching them to be real and that
00:46:24
you know this week Max and I my 15 year old we've now and again we've screamed
00:46:28
in a pillow together just like we just need a moment and so we'll put a pillow
00:46:32
over our face and we've shared the moment and just screamed into a pillow and I I hope that that's the stuff I'm
00:46:38
teaching them is that when you hit the rock bottom these are some of the strategies that will help you get
00:46:42
through not to expect that life is not going to be a raffle isn't going to deal
00:46:46
[ __ ] at you because it really is and sometimes it's 50 Shades of messed up
00:46:50
but if you've got all these tools and you're told about and if you know how to
00:46:55
ask for help then it's going to be okay even when it feels like it's not well I think and I think
00:47:00
that's good you've got to be realistic about it like I've had um someone on the
00:47:03
podcast and she was like my only wish for my kids is for them to be happy and I'm like it's it's just not a feasible
00:47:09
state to be happy all the time you need to accept that there's going to be [ __ ]
00:47:13
that goes on in your life life's gonna really hurt sometimes yeah and you need
00:47:17
to be armed for that don't you yep I suppose that's the work you're doing
00:47:20
with your kids now we we so you I mean you were either armed for all the [ __ ] that's come your way or you've learned
00:47:27
and developed the skills along the way what do you think it is along the way I don't think I was at all
00:47:33
prepared for any of this when I grow up whatever left home um probably had the streets of a
00:47:41
four-year-old and um yeah if somebody had told me back then what I would what a normal day would
00:47:48
look for me now I I mean I don't know I don't know if I'd still be here I'd definitely the same
00:47:54
way because it just seemed too hard I've had some really rough times and I've had
00:47:58
some periods where I felt like I can't keep going and I've had moments in my
00:48:03
life where I thought maybe I should not keep going and I should tap out and it just feels hard a lot and you don't
00:48:11
think that you're going to make it all the time but over the years I guess I've
00:48:15
learned to trust myself that even in those moments I've I do have some skills and I have people
00:48:23
and I have the strategies and I can trust that even if at the time it doesn't feel good or survivable
00:48:29
I just know that it is like it has to be and it is and so I will just keep going
00:48:34
and that sort of became the theme for the World Cup trip that I've just been
00:48:38
on in May June July um we're creating a film with my travel friend her name's Katie and we wanted to
00:48:45
create this film about continuing even when life just hands you [ __ ] how do you
00:48:51
continue and how do you chase the joy in there and how do you create Sunshine When there literally is none for that
00:48:58
whatever reason or period in your life because those periods happen you you hit a roadblock and it's just dark and you
00:49:04
had to make the sunshine so how do you do that and how do you keep going and right in the middle of it in Austria a
00:49:12
friend of mine back home lost her husband to suicide and I just felt like there literally was no
00:49:21
point to being on the other side of the planet competing and doing this athlete thing and traveling the world
00:49:28
when my friends are dying at home um and that's like something that so many people are facing the grief of that
00:49:36
or the fear that that might be them one day or the you know battling those constant
00:49:42
thoughts that maybe that's a path they want to take like for many different reasons
00:49:47
that's a subject that's relevant to us and I just I just wanted to get on a
00:49:52
plane and I wanted to come home and um and we didn't and we decided we would
00:49:56
stay and we would continue and we would do it all because we could in because we
00:50:02
had the strength to keep going in because that's the whole point is that it's not actually always about a gold
00:50:07
medal or a silver medal or a New Zealand record it's about continuing when everything's really hard
00:50:14
and out of that you know we had an amazing trip even though it was really rough it was also
00:50:21
an amazing trip there was covered there was hospitals there was stump infections
00:50:26
there was grief there was loss um but we grew we became different people over that course of the time and
00:50:34
we continued and I hope that that's a dialogue that you know through our film I hope that we
00:50:39
can share that the essence of it is all to continue and that when you're in that
00:50:44
big big big Darkness just to remember that that's not all there is yeah as I
00:50:49
touched on before yeah keep moving forward eh yeah one foot in front of the other and uh yeah there's another thing
00:50:55
this too shall pass and it's just so cliche but it's so true [Music] absolutely true like no and you've got
00:51:08
to remember like um you're good or bad like if you're going through the most
00:51:12
amazing time and your life is perfect like nothing stays the same forever good or bad but you just need to remember
00:51:22
that yeah when it's good which seems Debbie Downer but it can do I think you know maybe the phrase is not so much
00:51:31
this too shall pass but like grief in itself doesn't necessarily pass loss doesn't pass the person is still gone
00:51:38
but we learn to live with it and so we um don't necessarily make friends with
00:51:46
grief or loss or trauma but um the heaviness of it might pass and then we learn to continue yeah with what we
00:51:56
have if that makes sense yeah I think setting ourselves up for the expectation that well grief was going to pass it's
00:52:02
not it's gonna it's always going to be a part of you but there is another another
00:52:06
one of those cheesy cliches that Tom heals Tom heals the wounds and it kind of does it's like when you lose someone
00:52:12
close to you through whatever reason illness suicide whatever the grief is unimaginable at the beginning you think
00:52:17
about them every moment of every day and then it gets it gets less and less I got
00:52:21
a mate that died of cancer a few years ago and um every now and then like maybe once a
00:52:27
month I'll think of him and then I'll feel I'll feel like a sense of guilt
00:52:30
that I don't think about them all that often anymore but your life just goes on
00:52:34
and it gets further and further in the background that's a horrible thing to
00:52:37
say isn't it a little bit yeah it is I mean I guess it just has to be said at
00:52:44
the right times if somebody's listening now now not on that place I wouldn't
00:52:49
think that it's a you know yeah that's it we're petting you on the shoulder
00:52:53
thing at the point it's going to pass that's not what either of us saying it's
00:52:56
just that yeah yeah but just hang in there okay so so this film you've been mentioning when when can we get to see
00:53:03
that uh what's going on with that because the trip was quite diabolical we've decided we'll continue filming
00:53:09
okay next year that's um Katie's directing and filming there and we both
00:53:13
had our iPhones out the whole time and it was just this I don't know catastrophe of us falling
00:53:20
over and getting hit by hail storms and um hospitals in every country literally um so hopefully next year goes a little
00:53:28
bit better but again the point of it is hopefully to create something that you know opens these dialogues about grief
00:53:34
and mental health and well-being and continuing so whatever the outcome of that film
00:53:40
um yeah I think it will be good stuff yeah and you you so you may have an operation coming up to remove a bit more
00:53:48
a bit more of your of your bone or take your leg a little bit higher yeah I have
00:53:52
no idea what um what revision will be suggested or if the surgeon may say we really don't recommend any revision at
00:54:01
all and this is what you've got so you're going to have to learn to manage
00:54:05
um that's that's a possibility but I do have an appointment next week to talk
00:54:09
about that and then yeah I guess if there's surgery we'll just power that
00:54:13
out as fast as they can and get back on the World Cup circuit in May next year power that out as fast as you what does
00:54:19
that mean exactly power that out as fast as you can well you just said you've got
00:54:23
to accept that you have a little bit a little bit of time off the climbing but um I mean not a lot like what was it so
00:54:29
when you had the foot taken off how like what's the recovery like for something
00:54:32
like that I was climbing six weeks later before I could walk I competed at New Zealand Nationals 11 weeks later wait
00:54:39
wait wait wait wait so you were climbing before you could walk yeah I just use one link
00:54:44
and then wait but did you do any training or when I was training in hospital I took my grub streak with me
00:54:50
and I was still going I didn't stop you don't need legs to do pull-ups um wait where were you doing the
00:54:59
pull-ups at home we've got like a training set up and oh God you're a surgeon's nightmare we've got like
00:55:06
little I've got a fingerboard where you can hang on your fingertips and then
00:55:09
I'll get my climbing harness out and add an extra 30 kgs of weight to it and just
00:55:14
do a little micro did hang so I made it back to the world championships in France literally five months to the day
00:55:21
after my invitation and came forth in the world what was your expectation right before
00:55:28
the surgery occurred did you think it would take longer than that or was that your good I know I was going yeah okay
00:55:33
there was no chance I was not going yeah what are the surgeons say did they say it's unlikely yeah yeah yeah did my GP
00:55:41
also say that might not be a great idea maybe but he also is very good and he said but I also know this will help your
00:55:49
mental health and your recovery and so I will allow it yeah yeah they just yeah I
00:55:53
suppose they have to like say oh we don't necessarily approve it but yeah the same as the doctor in Austria this
00:55:58
year um I had a stump infection and I ended up in another ER Maybe um but this time instead of saying oh my
00:56:07
God you need to go straight to hospital and stay there for a while at like the doctor in Germany he was a um crank
00:56:14
Works Lover he had like eight bikes or something and rock climbed himself and he just looked at me and said well
00:56:21
I know that even if I say to you you should not be climbing in the next World Cup you're not going to listen to me so
00:56:29
instead I'm just going to tell you you are not allowed to train you are not allowed to walk you are not allowed to
00:56:35
wear your leg until the day of the world cup and then you may do your two climbs
00:56:39
for qualifiers and if you get there you're one client for finals and that is
00:56:43
it that is all you'll do and you are not allowed to break skin again if you break
00:56:47
skin you've done that you're out so I did my first qualifier climb and I was
00:56:53
pretty sure I'd broken the skin I was like well I just don't look I don't know
00:57:01
what my next did my next qualifier and I made it in finals and I also did not look for the next two days I was like I
00:57:11
just if I don't change the dressing then I don't know what's going on
00:57:15
I mean they've got your best interest at heart they do I think maybe they underestimate your determination
00:57:21
determination stupidness yeah so um back to what we started with at the beginning why why are you so
00:57:32
funny about the word inspirational why why does it you can I I can see even wince when I say it why are you funny
00:57:39
about that um it's a really hard question to answer without sounding like an ass so I guess
00:57:44
I can share some experiences that maybe explain it okay um but I mean at the same time I'm not
00:57:51
I'm not allergic to it per se maybe I just have a slight intolerance I think that honestly whenever someone
00:57:58
says the word it's like you've just swallowed a like a cold mouth full of
00:58:01
sick it's a compliment right like if someone says that and they mean it it comes from
00:58:06
a complimentary place and I think if someone came to me and said I was inspired by you to not give up and I was
00:58:13
going to give up and I'm still here today because something you said made me
00:58:17
think there was a reason to keep going that's like I I live for that if that's
00:58:22
what I spend the rest of my life doing speaking and sharing and and giving people hope when they feel like they
00:58:27
don't have any then I'm here for that but when you're in the gym in the supermarket and the petrol
00:58:33
station and just walking down the street or whatever and you hear 10 times a day
00:58:39
someone say to you um oh you're so inspirational that you even get out of bed in the morning
00:58:45
that's not actually helpful oh okay so if you're not doing anything inspirational well even just that that
00:58:52
person I mean even if I was doing something inspirational but if that person has not been inspired to become
00:59:00
better or or to do something that was hard or to overcome a challenge or I don't know inspired to just be still and
00:59:10
be in the moment and be present if they're not inspired to be or do anything then it is just a word that
00:59:16
they're saying that they probably walk away thinking they've encouraged a
00:59:20
disabled person and it's just patronizing it's quite patronizing and I think you have to remember as well that
00:59:25
I or we as a you know as a community disabled people we would get that many many times a day and sometimes quite
00:59:33
obnoxiously where people come into your space you're having a conversation with
00:59:37
a friend and they'll sort of hijacked your conversation to come and tell you
00:59:41
oh I read your article or I listened to that podcast with dom Harvey where Dom's
00:59:45
in lots of inappropriate things um sometimes I'm going to ask but it's accidental that's fine that's why I
00:59:56
wanted to know about the inspirational thing I love the way you've explained it
00:59:59
I'm missing with you I think like the point being it sort of hijacks really meaningful connections that we need
01:00:06
because it is [ __ ] and it is hard and we are on struggle Street and I have I still have days where I have to battle
01:00:13
the thought that maybe quitting would be easy and I'm not going to do that and
01:00:17
I'm staying and I'm here for my kids and for myself and um and for everything all the ups and downs
01:00:23
but it's a battle and to be having those meaningful connections during our day
01:00:29
hijacked by somebody who wants to know what happened to your leg or are you so inspiring it's it's not encouraging and
01:00:35
it's not helpful so I guess I like to advocate for that in a way that sort of
01:00:39
speaks the truth and love so to speak gotcha occasionally I'm rude about it but are you well just at the end of a
01:00:46
long day uh yeah or just a if just if you're having a moment having a sassy moment I guess both there was a guy in a
01:00:53
petrol station who called it out once and he's he just it's the question like
01:00:57
what happened to your leg question that I'm like you haven't stopped to think
01:01:00
that this you know for me it's not trauma but someone it could be the most traumatic part of their life and you've
01:01:06
just asked a stranger to tell them that story just because you were curious they
01:01:10
think that's incredibly rude and someone called it out across a petrol station
01:01:13
Excuse Me Miss did you lose your leg from kicking cats I yelled back no I lost my leg kicking
01:01:22
idiots who ask stupid questions and then I walked out of that shop like I owned it
01:01:29
might drop oh that's amazing that is a bike drop although that's not a bad line
01:01:32
like if you're gonna ask a dumb question you're gonna get a dumb answer sometimes
01:01:37
I tell stories I do like to tell kids that I I think I borrowed myself another EBT friend I didn't eat my vegetables
01:01:43
and my leg fell off and usually the mothers over the shoulders are just like thank you
01:01:48
because they know they're going to get veggies into them for maybe a week till
01:01:52
they work it out wow yeah I suppose people don't realize how um I don't know
01:01:57
they probably think it's like a conversation starter but they probably don't realize how insensitive it's a
01:02:01
really dumb conversation it is yeah I mean kids I don't I don't mind but um
01:02:06
you know if you're at the gym and you're working out and some guy just leans over
01:02:09
and wants to ask what happened to your leg I'm like why don't you start with hi
01:02:13
my name's Dom it's nice to meet you get to know me all of me and then when
01:02:19
they've got your name [ __ ] Google it and find out Google it you can there's
01:02:22
so much on Google all these article's online um so many articles something you see it
01:02:28
just going back a couple of minutes you said um yeah someone asked that question
01:02:30
and you're not particularly bothered about it but a lot of people would be um are you yeah are you I mean we've
01:02:37
talked about it in this podcast but I'm guessing it's not a nice thing to talk
01:02:41
for you to talk about going back to 16 and well I just don't want to talk about
01:02:45
it 10 times a day to stream yes that's stupid it's a waste of my time and
01:02:48
energy and also it's living in the past yeah um and I guess that's something with the
01:02:53
amputation that I didn't expect because I'd had this injury for so many years
01:02:57
we're talking over a decade I genuinely um was exhausted answering the question
01:03:03
when is your leg going to get better I just I couldn't answer that for the whole rest of my life that was I want to
01:03:09
be frustrating for you as well no I don't know I would love it to get better but it's not and so I
01:03:16
legitimately thought that when I amputated my leg that would be an end point to that in it
01:03:22
I started another starting point um so I suppose it's like I mean you're
01:03:27
a mum of three so you have you have you get married people asking you can have a
01:03:30
kid you have one kid people asking one second one are you gonna have any more you have a miscarriage and someone asks
01:03:36
you in the supermarket when are you gonna have the next one and you square them in the eye and say it just died and
01:03:41
it's really awkward and then you walk out of the shop that's another mic drop
01:03:44
by but although quite a Macabre one um yeah what yeah um so as I mentioned earlier like um me
01:03:52
and JoJo had some fertility struggles and it's a bit different to you but um
01:03:57
um I resonate with you in a lot of way like but yeah people would make make jokes and it wouldn't necessarily bother
01:04:02
me but having to be been some fertility clinics and support groups and things I know that it would really [ __ ] up some
01:04:07
other people but people when they find out you can't have kids the thing they'll say is like oh you're welcome to
01:04:12
take one of mine or take a couple of mine and it doesn't bother me but having
01:04:16
been in these in these groups before it's like that would really [ __ ] up a
01:04:20
lot of people and you don't realize how upsetting that is I think that as a society in general we're not very good
01:04:25
at slowing down and thinking before we speak and um but I think people people say it
01:04:29
because they think it's like funny or I don't know but you know if we slow down
01:04:33
and thought about it we'd say it's not yeah I mean it's not helpful we yeah
01:04:36
what's your situation it's like okay hang on let me think maybe something bad
01:04:40
happened to her leg maybe I you know what changes case scenario gonna be like a frostpoint I I
01:04:48
don't like anyone that's lost a leg there's a there's a [ __ ] traumatic
01:04:51
story behind something there yeah and and similar with Charlotte I get people coming up to me saying oh you're so so
01:04:56
you know so amazing that you do what you do I just I couldn't do I couldn't do
01:05:00
that I couldn't have a child with a disability and I'm just like really you
01:05:05
wouldn't look after your own kid like yes you would you would you do you do the things we're not in any of these
01:05:12
situations by choice we're just getting up every day and doing our thing and so
01:05:15
that's where the the repetitive you're so inspirational thing starts to you know
01:05:22
way down oh yeah well thank you very much for explaining that for me and probably for a lot of people listening
01:05:27
as well yeah I think mindful inspiration is maybe a good good um good way to frame it mindful inspiration
01:05:34
how do you mean being mindfully inspired so to listen to a nice podcast and to write
01:05:41
something down and to go away and put that into practice I think you know we could all be doing
01:05:47
that yeah absolutely hey it's been great to finally meet you we've been um
01:05:50
bouncing DMS backwards and forwards on Instagram yes um great to finally sit down with you um
01:05:56
you are a badass like can I call you about it absolutely well you've been through you've been through it a [ __ ]
01:06:01
time something um or just one final question actually actually maybe maybe two two
01:06:09
final questions if you could if you could go back to say 15 or 16 years old and change
01:06:18
the other four and what happened but then in turn that would change like everything else that's happened in your
01:06:24
life since then and we don't know how it would look now if that accident not
01:06:28
happened like would you reverse it never in a million years no I'd still jump
01:06:35
and for me it was conscious like I chose to let go I'd still let go because I love how I've become and yes
01:06:43
I've had to factor become that person but I just I couldn't not be who I am now and
01:06:51
and I think we're not very good at saying I'm proud of myself and I'm proud
01:06:55
of what I've worked through and I'm proud that I don't carry the same trauma
01:06:59
you know I can talk about things now without feeling like a victim or feeling like I have these labels over me I
01:07:06
choose who I am and I think that my accent has through all of that kind of woven it all together in a really
01:07:16
profound way so I I I'm thankful for it you know I wouldn't undo it yeah what an answer I mean it's yeah so
01:07:27
I said every little piece of that Mosaic leads to like where you are today that's
01:07:30
it yeah yeah it's like the one thread in a tapestry that just has carried it kind
01:07:35
of pulled everything together in a weird wonderful colorful way yeah and and final one so that was such a good act oh
01:07:44
do we even leave this last question we'll ask and you can cut if you don't
01:07:46
want to answer right yeah I should have asked the other ones yeah I know this one's I've had like quite a few people
01:07:52
on the on on the uh podcast this year that if I'm either lost lost body parts
01:07:58
or have ended up like quadriplegic or tetraplegic um do you when you dream now do you still
01:08:07
have both legs or do you dream and you've got one leg missing it's apparently I can give you the
01:08:15
theory behind this if you you may not even know maybe it's not something you've thought about but apparently
01:08:21
um it takes time often a number of years before people that have lost a body part
01:08:26
or you know something has drastically changed accept it and apparently when you finally do accept it that's when you
01:08:32
start dreaming as you are now I think I've dreamed as an amputee right from the start but for me I was losing the
01:08:40
leg like I was losing it for 18 years and becoming quite disconnected to it for a
01:08:44
really long period of time so it wasn't the same as say someone who lost it really quickly in an accident
01:08:50
um what is weirder for me is that when I and I was watching TV the other day and
01:08:56
someone got up out of bed and walked to the fridge I was like you're gonna fall
01:09:00
because they hadn't put their leg on and then I remembered that they have two
01:09:05
real ones and don't need to so it's more that I react the other way um I very really expect
01:09:14
yeah I oh wow weird right it's like it's kind of trippy okay one more question so
01:09:21
if you need to have a way in the middle of the night like do you just hop to the
01:09:24
bathroom I crawl I crawl I haven't yeah it's hopping's quite high impact and then the dark if
01:09:32
you're a dysfunctional adult you know you might hop on your leg or something and break an ankle and if
01:09:39
you've only got one you don't want to do this and if I turn the like I cannot turn a
01:09:45
light on because I would wake my autistic daughter up so I have to whatever I do I have to be able to do it
01:09:49
in the dark safely okay yeah hopping sounds like it could be quite nice and I'm gonna do it quietly so kind of
01:09:54
stealth mode right right so I do crawl and I crawl a lot at home and I've worked out this cool little shuffle for
01:10:01
carrying coffee over the Lino if you put a sock on and then you're online or it's
01:10:05
slippery enough you can do like a little side shuffle with your foot and get your
01:10:08
coffee from the bench to the carpet and then once I'm on the carpet I'll crawl
01:10:12
to carry coffee but people don't think about it when you lose a leg you kind of
01:10:16
lost your arms too I can't carry like I haven't been walking for four months
01:10:20
um I've put this check socket on maybe three good days and that's it over the
01:10:25
last period of time um I can't carry my groceries inside I can't carry food that I've made to the
01:10:33
coffee table to like even put the washing away so I'm I'm crawling a lot
01:10:37
just to get stuff done and there's things like that that you just don't even well at least I didn't even think
01:10:43
about yeah and that's a physical and I guess that's why surgeons don't love to
01:10:48
remove body parts yeah as when things don't go well which they haven't for me
01:10:53
um there's there's a huge toll on your body and your exhaustion and then your mental
01:10:58
health and then if you're in chronic pain all the time which I am um then you're facing that tired and
01:11:04
sleep deprived and just generally quite run down um but you know comes with the territory and I still
01:11:12
still wouldn't take it back are there are the kids reasonably good are they at
01:11:16
ages now weather reasonably good at mucking in around the house oh that's so
01:11:19
amazing mate so my 15 year old literally forbade me to get off the couch yesterday he said to me
01:11:27
um mum you've overdone it um a couch mum is better than a Sheltie mum and I think he was just a bit shocked
01:11:38
that I was so shouty the last couple of days not like me at all he's like I I've
01:11:42
realized that I did this to you for a whole year and that wasn't swelled so sorry about that but um the lesson of
01:11:50
the story here is that you've overdone it mum and you just need to rest so I'm
01:11:55
gonna step up and you can just rest and I'll manage you know dinner and I'll
01:11:59
manage getting shout out to bed and I've had a lot of help in the last month with
01:12:03
meals because things have been really hard um and yeah really really hard kind of a
01:12:09
nice big rock bottom um but like I said we expect you know there's going to be times when it
01:12:15
happens the kids are amazing yeah it's a really good EQ yeah very good EQ yeah
01:12:22
amazing and that's got to be a partly a reflection on you and the job you've
01:12:27
done oh thank you yeah I think we just muddle through and we're learning a lot
01:12:31
about each other as we go yeah hey thank you so much for your time today no problem it's been pleasure Rachel Meyer
01:12:37
New Zealand paraglama record holder and just all-around badass don't you dare call her inspirational
01:12:45
unless you're going to make some serious changes yourself and do better is that
01:12:49
right cheers yeah I love you rage thanks Dave you do thanks Tom