00:00:00
bad marriage breakup um I don't know 18 months ago but it's it's uh um so that that is a time where you
00:00:08
do a lot of self-reflection I suppose you know and you realize maybe we're up
00:00:12
for your own ass a little bit with work and focusing on too much on this and I'm
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not that I'm busy I was I'm not like I was certainly wasn't a workaholic but
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you may be thinking too much about um what you're doing your show or this sort of stuff you know not saying that
00:00:27
might have contributed to it obviously a lot of things would have contributed to
00:00:30
it but how long how long were you married um 17 years sure that's and then two
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kids yep how old are the kids um now they're 17 and 15. right am I great no fantastic so I think I mean
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they to be honest they would prefer that we're not together not that we were like
00:00:45
fighting or anything but they quite like it like this theater is individuals [Music]
00:00:55
probably closer to both my kids now because of it at the time they've really
00:01:00
I wouldn't say sided with me but the circumstance of what happened was you know they
00:01:05
you know that felt sorry for is not a good way of putting it but anyway I made them side with me yeah yeah yeah
00:01:13
yeah yeah yeah against their mother took them aside and I said this is what happened you know and they've only got
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one Vision yeah so no no and and as a result I think probably close to their mother as well yeah and and and we're in
00:01:27
touch as well so it was not you know it's no animosity there no but it's a
00:01:31
hard I yeah I've been through that as well so it's a hard thing to go through
00:01:35
it's lame like your marriage together 17 years that's a very successful relationship but I suppose you feel like
00:01:41
a failure because you stand in front of your family and friends and a priest or whoever yeah and say you're going to be
00:01:46
together until you die and so anything less than that feels like a fail and you feel like you failed your kids
00:01:50
other parents are together you're not and a lot of people are broken up of course but and then you're in this
00:01:56
apartment instead of the house that you were together and so yeah yeah every day you get a chance to sort of
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think about it but but then you've got to ask yourself um would you change anything about it in
00:02:10
other words would you get back in it no I wouldn't so there's no point worrying
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about that um would you've done stuff differently over those years yeah maybe but I can't
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specifically think um what they would be but they certainly would have the fact that I didn't see it
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coming you got the idea that um it was her call at the time right so we used the completely
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blindsided at the time I was but the fact that I was completely blindsided to suggests that I must have had my head at
00:02:38
my own ass a little bit to not see it you know what I mean because you'd have
00:02:42
to be pretty weird not tea you know I think that's fairly fairly common I've
00:02:45
been doing a bit of um I've got Rachel Hunter coming on the podcast next week
00:02:48
so I've been doing a bit of research for her and um her marriage with Rod Stewart which
00:02:53
was about half the length of your marriage it was like eight years um he was sitting down like flipping
00:02:57
through some um like architecture magazines because they were renovating a house and he was asking her opinion
00:03:02
about a kitchen bench or whatever and she sort of mumbled under her breath I don't think I'm going to be here for it
00:03:06
and that's that was how he sort of found out and he was completely blindsided
00:03:10
yeah um I feel like I mean it's hard people you grow and you change like you
00:03:15
you talked about regretting killing the snail on TV it's like you're not the
00:03:19
same person now as when you got together oh oh yeah totally and you know and people evolve and
00:03:31
overthinking everything and then you say oh well at what point did I you know or
00:03:34
and or if we didn't break up then would we have two or three years down the track or would have just met you know
00:03:39
you just don't really know um I think the important thing now is um you know what happens from here on in
00:03:45
and as I say we're pretty good I mean I saw yesterday actually um and you know
00:03:51
and she's doing she's doing well she's got some exciting stuff happening
00:03:55
um with her which which is cool which I'm happy about not upset about you know
00:04:00
as opposed to really oh that sounds good you know good for you at least one of us
00:04:06
is thrived [Laughter] how was your mental health after that um yeah okay um yes weird one because I like you know
00:04:17
there's so much mental health um discussion at the moment which is great um but I've never sort of put myself in
00:04:23
a position like hey do I have a yeah I think anyone that goes to a marriage breakup would be
00:04:29
um kidding themselves if they [ __ ] knocks you around didn't have some sort
00:04:34
of you know um if I could do it again if I could if I could do the breakup again
00:04:54
you know like you know I've since listened to podcasts on what you got to do and this sort of stuff and I wish I'd
00:05:00
sort of had more I wish I'd bother to maybe seek that stuff out but as opposed
00:05:07
to just playing it by ear you know depending what do you mean what do you mean well you know I end up with some
00:05:12
podcasts you know oh you know you're going through a breakup you know and you've got kids you know how and some of
00:05:17
them are pretty good sort of things you listen to in the car and it you know gives you sort of not so much tools but
00:05:22
sort of talks about ways to handle sort of stuff you know and I didn't really
00:05:26
take I didn't use any of that I just kind of winged it you know and by doing
00:05:30
that it just depends on what mood you're in each day is how you react to what's
00:05:34
going around you know they they say for example you know the whole don't contact
00:05:38
for as long as poss kind of thing you know I was in the thing we're making excuses
00:05:42
to bring up you know you know or Texas hey have we still got that thing and they get you know like and then not to
00:05:50
get back with her and like that there was nothing to do that it was just purely just for that little brief
00:05:54
connection which is bad it's just random not having like it's like what's strange when you spend so much of
00:06:00
your life with someone and then yeah and they're not there yeah and and so what
00:06:05
we get a time your kids aren't even there and you go [ __ ] you know and then everything that
00:06:10
was familiar and then you start thinking deep stuff like both their parents are still alive you know thank God but
00:06:18
they're not spring chickens you know yeah so we've got some other stuff to
00:06:22
deal with in the future but it's going to be different now you'll be dealing with it
00:06:27
more on your own you know what I mean yeah um it's not like you're not going
00:06:31
to go and support them in their time but it's not the same every every you know
00:06:36
dog got died last year now the little beagle and um even that it's had a sort of better
00:06:43
taste about it you know bad enough that he died of course it did but and it was sudden but we
00:06:50
um it's only me and my daughter that were there when it happened it was up in
00:06:52
the driveway um Andrew's way somewhere and somebody said we just it just didn't it felt like
00:06:58
it should have been a family but but it wasn't but we could this is all in your head a little bit because if
00:07:05
we were still together it's very chance that some of us could have been a different parts of the country at the
00:07:09
time because you know that was right there going on so but certain things just feel
00:07:14
a little bit more cynical or I don't know I don't know um but that's only
00:07:20
some days but mental health wise and I think um humor helps definitely there's that saying if you don't laugh
00:07:28
you cry totally and and I did cry you know and my kids even saw me cry which uh you know is that the first time that
00:07:36
I cried no the first time your kids saw you yeah I think so yeah other than you know I'm I'm the sort of guy
00:07:43
you know in a sad movie you know who's not a crying I can see so if you look at me that's what my daughter goes
00:07:51
no no not me not me no I'm not crying so I'm I am quite emotional in that sort of
00:07:58
sense you know I can uh I can cry at other people's funeral someone's funeral
00:08:03
that and then I could walk into a funeral off the street and not know the people and stand at the back and look
00:08:08
around and I can get emotional from their emotion if you know what I mean is there something that sort of Crypt and
00:08:12
you've noticed as you get older yeah I I to the point where I go [ __ ] how am I
00:08:16
going to handle any of these big public funerals that are coming my way and you know I love a bit of you know down the
00:08:22
track but you know it's yeah I've I think I've always been that way but but
00:08:28
I'm not afraid of it either I don't think you do feel better after um well it's quite it's quite cathartic
00:08:35
but yeah I mean um but we were raised in an age where you just didn't you just
00:08:39
didn't cry you didn't show any sort of weakness well I sort of but having said
00:08:43
that it doesn't mean where at stuff is I I won't just sit there and I will certainly I'm quite
00:08:51
proactive though so I I might have a cry but then I go that's good all right bang
00:08:55
that's what we're doing you know I remember saying that to the kids actually I said hey okay let's draw a
00:09:01
line on that you're not going to see that again tomorrow's gonna be a great
00:09:03
day sun's coming up and we're doing this this this this you know you've got to
00:09:07
force yourself into that mindset yeah so you're quite gonna like compartmentalizing things yeah um well I
00:09:13
don't think it'll come up because I think my everything my living sister
00:09:19
a lot of stuff going on but quite good at like um I suppose look yeah so when we broke up
00:09:27
what do you do now you just wait around and sit around and I had to get on with it so I straight away started dealing
00:09:36
with the separation agreement side of it you know don't know why but it's had to
00:09:40
do something I couldn't you know so I went and did all that and pushed it through about two weeks and the the the
00:09:46
the woman that I was dealing with said she hadn't seen anything like it you know and I don't know I did that and
00:09:51
then and it was and it wasn't to make a point to her it was a very it's very
00:09:57
it's we both agree or not it's very nice to each other but I just had to do
00:10:02
something I just couldn't sit there waiting for again like a TV thing waiting for someone to tell me when it's
00:10:08
time to make a TV show waiting for permission I needed to fill my time and because that's right I
00:10:14
couldn't work I couldn't work not knowing my situation anymore you know like uh
00:10:22
you know what's it if I'm going to go make it certainly didn't feel like
00:10:25
making a comedy TV show but having said that there's been no ideas for taking
00:10:30
over that you you get now that I wouldn't have thought of had I not gone through that experience you
00:10:36
know more darker sort of Comedy or you sort of see marriage break up sort of stuff or
00:10:40
um yeah because you touched upon this on your American Heartland show yes that again was a little bit cheeky
00:10:46
um at engines it's been so no but it wasn't meant to be jokes on me yeah do you want
00:10:51
to like recap that for anyone that may have missed that well I mean on the TV about uh Terry's wife is
00:11:02
left for a Furniture upholster and taking any kind of thing you know so um so I thought you know doing a travel
00:11:08
show through the states it might as well be a bit of backstory to it fake or real
00:11:12
and you've got to bring a little bit of real stuff to it so I've just gone
00:11:16
through a marriage breakup so why the housing through the states all right he's going through a midlife crisis
00:11:20
which which I'm not but you know that's a good you've got a middle-aged guy
00:11:24
making the travel show you might as well Chuck a midlife crisis on him give us a
00:11:27
bit more of an edge so I sit there talking to the camera going on yeah well you know it's been tough you know my
00:11:32
wife's left me for a a carbon underlay salesman or something you know I don't
00:11:37
know carpet underlay program or something that was made up and just didn't seeing a carpet
00:11:43
I'm not as far as I know if you heard something maybe no but that was cathartic in the
00:11:51
sense having a bit of a laugh at it you know and she knows me well enough you know she's certain of course it's an eye
00:11:56
rolling thing for him oh here he goes you know and she you would have had a life but to the point I think we should
00:12:02
actually contacted me once because we're making the episodes bit my bit and I
00:12:05
think she actually she rang me up and said um how many more episodes are there and
00:12:11
and how many more times am I gonna appear in there you know just my parents want to know is that what I read look
00:12:20
don't worry about it tweet it to now there's no more um was it was it a little um a little
00:12:24
peace egg was that little truth there yeah right right oh there's a little treat I mean
00:12:29
yeah yeah passive aggressive not really no I was more it's more about the gag yeah right put it away if
00:12:37
we hadn't broken up and we're still together there's a 90 chance that a similar line would have
00:12:47
been yeah right whether it might not been so important yeah it's a little passive aggressive I think I knew
00:12:52
there'd be a few people gonna laugh out of it so maybe I was being a bit cheeky
00:12:55
but I certainly knew that people the important people involved in my kids for example who were watching I couldn't
00:13:00
wait for them to watch the show I certainly wouldn't have done it even one of them saw it before we went to her and
00:13:05
they were laughing going oh that's so funny that's good yeah sure that's right
00:13:08
yeah I'll be right you know well I suppose for them it means you're in a
00:13:11
good place like you because you're at the point where you can make jokes about
00:13:14
it yeah and looking if I always wanted to be serious and and be aggressive or be snarky it could be you know
00:13:23
um again what kind of idiot what kind of idiot TV professional TV presenter would be
00:13:30
supposed to be talking about the where he is we'll be talking about his wife leaving leaving him for a
00:13:37
Furniture upholstery or whatever it is pretty funny yeah I mean that that again I just find that amusing that this guy
00:13:43
how I'm professional this guy can't you focus on me well you you mentioned the
00:13:48
timid life crisis before and I I feel like it gets um it gets it gets a bad rep when people think of a mid-life
00:13:53
crisis they think of like Harley-Davidsons or jet skis but um you know to you could frame a midlife crisis
00:13:59
here okay um you can you frame it as um like a chance to to go okay I've still got a
00:14:11
lot of years left to live what can I do better what have I done wrong you know how can I how can I correct the course
00:14:17
of my life and become the person I want to be big time and as I was saying that because you often
00:14:23
tell yourself that you go you know what this is this is an opportunity you know there's an opportunity to have a second
00:14:28
life instead of you know as good as it was you can you can pretty much imagine where your life was gonna
00:14:36
it was that aspect of it was fairly predictable and rightly wrongly now you have no idea you have no idea in 10
00:14:43
years time who you might be with the way you might even be living um and that's kind of exciting it's kind
00:14:50
of almost like being what are you going to do when you leave school kind of thing you don't know
00:14:54
um and you've got the freedom now um which you you just go off and live and live in Spain for a month if you
00:15:03
wanted to you know um do you know anyone over there [Music] I got some friends just flag my kids no
00:15:13
then he realized damn I've got kids and then you'll be like well [ __ ] you
00:15:17
guys you're in your late teens my parents abandoned me for a year when I was 11. oh there you go and look I'm
00:15:22
quite frankly you know I hardly see them anyway yeah you know so that's that's
00:15:25
what's interesting thing so we've done this you know everyone does it differently and we've chosen to a week
00:15:30
on week off kind of thing because logistically I couldn't do anything less complicated more complicated and it kind
00:15:36
of works pretty well but what I realizing now of their ages I hardly see them anyway they do their own stuff in
00:15:41
the weekend so independent they have sleepovers and I'm sort of associating the fact I don't see him as much as I
00:15:46
did with the breakup but it's nothing to do with it they are doing the right thing now and
00:15:51
you almost got to stay out of it you know so you join them are you um are you seeing anyone now are you quite happy on
00:15:57
your own at the at the stage um I have been um that's why I'm in a confusing stage
00:16:05
yeah but I have I've certainly been seen someone who's very cool um but I still think I've got stuff yes
00:16:14
yeah you know um which probably makes me not the ideal person right now but you know who knows but
00:16:22
yeah I've been lucky in that sense that you know yeah sure it's good that you've
00:16:27
got the um the EQ I guess to um is that a thing the emotional intelligence um to to recognize that because I think
00:16:37
it looked like the easy thing for I think especially for guys to do is just jump from one into another and
00:16:42
you know and not not actually process what's happened and what they've gone
00:16:45
through but then I suppose yeah then you I suppose you've got to be careful um
00:16:50
of maybe not overthinking it too much yeah and thinking oh [ __ ] you know I'm
00:16:55
not ready for that I'm in the team you know 10 years on the track and you know
00:16:58
that that person was great or perfect and you you you're in the sort of fuzz
00:17:03
of hey I'm still a victim you know I'm just going through the stuff and they'd
00:17:07
say yeah whatever man you know eventually people stop you know listening hey you know it's not big news
00:17:11
anymore man we know you broke up you know we've moved on but there's more
00:17:17
Goss you know so you've got to pull yourself apart man go okay all right at what point is this still you you know
00:17:25
using that as a crutch and what point are you you know you got to get real again at some point I suppose you know
00:17:31
you you haven't seen a therapist or anything you've quite good at just processing stuff
00:17:34
um a friend a friend of mine put me on to someone and I think it was because of covert ended up being on like an online
00:17:41
kind of thing like a zoom call to hate you know I almost need to see a therapist for zooms I hate them you know
00:17:46
so seeing a therapist on Zoom was actually was quite yeah so look look I can't
00:17:55
yeah I can't say how helpful it was but I I remember telling him I'm not feeling really good
00:18:01
today really good today yeah sure yeah I'm real good you've sold me it's good
00:18:05
you know I just think I wanted to get off yeah right as I said a few a few podcasts that can be quite sort of
00:18:12
specifically tailored um to your sort of situation were quite helpful so we've got the space up among
00:18:18
Ryan I found myself driving up there and I'm sick of Music whatever actually I
00:18:22
couldn't listen to music for quite a long time after after all this for some
00:18:26
reason so I just used to drive around with the car with no music on but you know no really why couldn't you listen
00:18:32
no you think they'd be even sad songs would resonate with you or yeah after a
00:18:36
while I could and then I enjoyed it again more than I did even before because they got a sort of a reboot but
00:18:42
for a brief period Then I literally just couldn't listen to music especially
00:18:46
Adele I'd imagine yeah Adele um and certainly not my own stuff oh no one can
00:18:52
listen to that I know um that was that was very heartless no but uh but these podcasts are quite good I
00:19:00
suppose one particular guy I can't remember what his name was um American guy you know and is is going
00:19:07
through a breakup and yet before you know you listen to this guy and there's
00:19:10
different sort of modules to it I thought that was pretty helpful um I'm trying to think if there's
00:19:15
anything I did specifically that he suggested but I was just hearing someone talk about
00:19:22
you you don't feel so unique [ __ ] this is normal you know and everyone you know
00:19:26
that's been through a breakup say oh it takes time and look trust me in a year
00:19:30
and a half you'll be fine you'll be you know that sort of stuff it gets easier
00:19:33
it gets easier and it does and again back to mental health thing everyone has stuff to deal with you know but it does
00:19:40
it will get easier oh yeah that's too short I just gotta write it out you know
00:19:44
one foot in front of the other and only you can do it unfortunately yeah that's
00:19:48
that's the thing you know you no one else can you've got to walk that walk
00:19:53
somehow and um and that sort of stood well you've been I mean it rocks in it it's such a common
00:20:00
thing like a relationship breakdown and it does rock you at the time and I feel like the stuff that you went through
00:20:04
earlier in life um probably set you in a good position for in terms of resilience yeah I think
00:20:09
so yeah I think I think it probably has um and if it hasn't well you know regardless it's another experience
00:20:20
to put down with all your other experiences you know it's in this one not necessarily was a great experience
00:20:25
but it's an experience nonetheless so you know on the the tapestry of your life it's something that's an
00:20:31
interesting spot that you know yeah that's a like a tapestry like a mosaic it's just part of the you know it's not
00:20:37
always good parts it doesn't always have to be you need all that stuff and I do
00:20:41
remember though I do as you remember thinking this and the real peak of it that a real
00:20:46
emotional side the raw stage that week after kind of stuff you know where you can't sleep on that sort of stuff
00:20:52
in a strange kind of way you never felt more alive than mean you were happy but you
00:21:02
you feeling the pain you felt alive and you weren't numb it's like getting burned you could feel it
00:21:10
you meant [ __ ] I'm alive here you know and not everything has to be a real
00:21:14
positive amazing euphoric experience to feel alive it can be um something as ghastly as that can
00:21:22
actually make you feel not invigorated but I'm in touch with emotions I suppose could you feel that
00:21:28
at the time or just on reflection at the time yeah but not a gray guy life nothing really good
00:21:41
happening nothing really bad happening just another day Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday you know oh Years
00:21:46
Gone by New Year big party you know the mundanus of life that everybody goes through at some stage you know
00:21:53
um but like one day Cricket those middle overs the 30 overs kind of like you know
00:21:57
come on you know a bit like that and suddenly I found [ __ ] you know you're on fire here you're
00:22:04
someone's slightly waking you up you know you actually feel alive um and then you have these hopefully
00:22:11
transfer that into more positive energy I suppose it's got to start somewhere
00:22:16
yeah well thanks for being so open and honest to chat about this stuff how are you did you and your wife um
00:22:22
ex-wife sit down and tell the kids at the same time how to kind of yeah yeah you didn't know I was coming to the
00:22:27
kids sort of have an inkling or no I don't think so would it put us away there'll probably time so they thought
00:22:32
oh you guys going to bring up kind of thing you know and of course be at a short no no no no no that's not us you
00:22:36
know and my thing I believe that too um sorry because I was telling the truth there's nothing better now she didn't
00:22:46
say anything it was just me they'll say no no but um no they they didn't I don't think they
00:22:54
did we sort of sat down but and they took it remarkably well um and still have because it's ongoing
00:23:01
and it's not easy going from house to house and you've got to put it but in
00:23:03
the end of day look real still here and I've got a house through you know we're
00:23:07
alive there's a lot of people a lot worse off um you know in so many ways yeah that's
00:23:12
a thing um yeah there's a saying I really like it that um comparison is the theft of
00:23:17
Joy but I think I'm sometimes comparing Down's not a bad thing like you mean in
00:23:21
the French jail yeah yeah oh yeah there's people there I mean they're leaving their families they're going I
00:23:27
mean that was gut wrenching um and I think it is okay to go um oh [ __ ] you know you've got all these
00:23:35
people you know down cyclone in the Hawks Bay and stuff and yeah it's terrible you see them their whole life
00:23:40
is turned upside down so that's bad enough like so I can look at that and go
00:23:44
[ __ ] you know or someone's even died and go God what am I going through I'm doing
00:23:48
a podcast with dom talking about my life I mean it's not some some might say
00:23:52
you've got it worse than some of the people in Hawke's Bay there you go but
00:23:55
then the people at Hawke's Bay they'll say yeah but look it is what it is when
00:24:00
there's people down the road that are you know and there's someone at Starship
00:24:03
at the moment whether with a kid who's you know on a machined they're not know
00:24:09
if it's going to be alive in the morning so there's nothing wrong with saying you know what there's always
00:24:16
someone worse off yeah and even if you're just saying it um saying it can sink in I think you
00:24:22
know yeah yeah it does make it you know it's not perfect but it does help absolutely