00:00:00
bad marriage breakup um
00:00:02
I don't know 18 months ago but it's it's
00:00:04
uh um so that that is a time where you
00:00:08
do a lot of self-reflection I suppose
00:00:10
you know and you realize maybe we're up
00:00:12
for your own ass a little bit with work
00:00:14
and focusing on too much on this and I'm
00:00:17
not that I'm busy I was I'm not like I
00:00:18
was certainly wasn't a workaholic but
00:00:20
you may be thinking too much about
00:00:23
um what you're doing your show or this
00:00:25
sort of stuff you know not saying that
00:00:27
might have contributed to it obviously a
00:00:29
lot of things would have contributed to
00:00:30
it but how long how long were you
00:00:31
married
00:00:32
um 17 years sure that's and then two
00:00:34
kids yep how old are the kids
00:00:36
um now they're 17 and 15. right am I
00:00:39
great no fantastic so I think I mean
00:00:41
they to be honest they would prefer that
00:00:42
we're not together not that we were like
00:00:45
fighting or anything but they quite like
00:00:47
it like this theater is individuals
00:00:52
[Music]
00:00:55
probably closer to both my kids now
00:00:58
because of it at the time they've really
00:01:00
I wouldn't say sided with me but the
00:01:02
circumstance of what happened was you
00:01:03
know they
00:01:05
you know that felt sorry for is not a
00:01:08
good way of putting it but anyway
00:01:11
I made them side with me yeah yeah yeah
00:01:13
yeah yeah yeah against their mother took
00:01:15
them aside and I said this is what
00:01:17
happened you know and they've only got
00:01:19
one Vision yeah so no no and and as a
00:01:22
result I think probably close to their
00:01:24
mother as well yeah and and and we're in
00:01:27
touch as well so it was not you know
00:01:29
it's no animosity there no but it's a
00:01:31
hard I yeah I've been through that as
00:01:33
well so it's a hard thing to go through
00:01:35
it's lame like your marriage together 17
00:01:38
years that's a very successful
00:01:39
relationship but I suppose you feel like
00:01:41
a failure because you stand in front of
00:01:43
your family and friends and a priest or
00:01:44
whoever yeah and say you're going to be
00:01:46
together until you die and so anything
00:01:47
less than that feels like a fail and you
00:01:49
feel like you failed your kids
00:01:50
other parents are together you're not
00:01:53
and a lot of people are broken up of
00:01:54
course but and then you're in this
00:01:56
apartment instead of the house that you
00:01:57
were together and so yeah yeah
00:02:00
every day you get a chance to sort of
00:02:03
think about it but but then you've got
00:02:05
to ask yourself
00:02:07
um
00:02:08
would you change anything about it in
00:02:10
other words would you get back in it no
00:02:11
I wouldn't so there's no point worrying
00:02:13
about that
00:02:14
um would you've done stuff differently
00:02:16
over those years yeah maybe but I can't
00:02:19
specifically think
00:02:22
um what they would be but they certainly
00:02:24
would have the fact that I didn't see it
00:02:26
coming you got the idea that
00:02:29
um it was her call at the time
00:02:30
right so we used the completely
00:02:32
blindsided at the time I was but the
00:02:34
fact that I was completely blindsided to
00:02:36
suggests that I must have had my head at
00:02:38
my own ass a little bit to not see it
00:02:40
you know what I mean because you'd have
00:02:42
to be pretty weird not tea you know I
00:02:44
think that's fairly fairly common I've
00:02:45
been doing a bit of um I've got Rachel
00:02:47
Hunter coming on the podcast next week
00:02:48
so I've been doing a bit of research for
00:02:49
her and
00:02:51
um her marriage with Rod Stewart which
00:02:53
was about half the length of your
00:02:54
marriage it was like eight years
00:02:56
um he was sitting down like flipping
00:02:57
through some um like architecture
00:02:59
magazines because they were renovating a
00:03:00
house and he was asking her opinion
00:03:02
about a kitchen bench or whatever and
00:03:03
she sort of mumbled under her breath I
00:03:05
don't think I'm going to be here for it
00:03:06
and that's that was how he sort of found
00:03:08
out and he was completely blindsided
00:03:10
yeah um I feel like I mean it's hard
00:03:12
people you grow and you change like you
00:03:15
you talked about regretting killing the
00:03:17
snail on TV it's like you're not the
00:03:19
same person now as when you got together
00:03:20
oh oh yeah totally and you know and
00:03:22
people evolve and
00:03:31
overthinking everything and then you say
00:03:33
oh well at what point did I you know or
00:03:34
and or if we didn't break up then would
00:03:36
we have two or three years down the
00:03:38
track or would have just met you know
00:03:39
you just don't really know
00:03:41
um I think the important thing now is
00:03:43
um
00:03:44
you know what happens from here on in
00:03:45
and as I say we're pretty good I mean I
00:03:47
saw yesterday actually
00:03:49
um and you know
00:03:51
and she's doing she's doing well she's
00:03:53
got some exciting stuff happening
00:03:55
um with her which which is cool which
00:03:57
I'm happy about not upset about you know
00:04:00
as opposed to really oh that sounds good
00:04:03
you know good for you at least one of us
00:04:06
is thrived
00:04:07
[Laughter]
00:04:09
how was your mental health after that
00:04:12
um yeah okay
00:04:14
um
00:04:15
yes weird one because I like you know
00:04:17
there's so much mental health
00:04:19
um discussion at the moment which is
00:04:20
great
00:04:21
um but I've never sort of put myself in
00:04:23
a position like hey do I have a
00:04:26
yeah I think anyone that goes to a
00:04:27
marriage breakup would be
00:04:29
um kidding themselves if they [ __ ]
00:04:32
knocks you around didn't have some sort
00:04:34
of you know
00:04:35
um
00:04:38
if I could do it again if I could if I
00:04:41
could do the breakup again
00:04:54
you know like you know I've since
00:04:56
listened to podcasts on what you got to
00:04:59
do and this sort of stuff and I wish I'd
00:05:00
sort of had more I wish I'd bother to
00:05:03
maybe seek that stuff out but as opposed
00:05:07
to just playing it by ear you know
00:05:09
depending what do you mean what do you
00:05:10
mean well you know I end up with some
00:05:12
podcasts you know oh you know you're
00:05:13
going through a breakup you know and
00:05:14
you've got kids you know how and some of
00:05:17
them are pretty good sort of things you
00:05:18
listen to in the car and it you know
00:05:20
gives you sort of not so much tools but
00:05:22
sort of talks about ways to handle sort
00:05:24
of stuff you know and I didn't really
00:05:26
take I didn't use any of that I just
00:05:28
kind of winged it you know and by doing
00:05:30
that it just depends on what mood you're
00:05:32
in each day is how you react to what's
00:05:34
going around you know they they say for
00:05:36
example you know the whole don't contact
00:05:38
for as long as poss kind of thing you
00:05:40
know
00:05:41
I was in the thing we're making excuses
00:05:42
to bring up you know you know or Texas
00:05:44
hey have we still got that thing and
00:05:47
they get you know like and then not to
00:05:50
get back with her and like that there
00:05:51
was nothing to do that it was just
00:05:52
purely just for that little brief
00:05:54
connection which is bad it's just random
00:05:56
not having like it's like
00:05:59
what's strange when you spend so much of
00:06:00
your life with someone and then yeah and
00:06:03
they're not there yeah and and so what
00:06:05
we get a time your kids aren't even
00:06:06
there and you go
00:06:07
[ __ ] you know and then everything that
00:06:10
was
00:06:11
familiar and then you start thinking
00:06:13
deep stuff like both their parents are
00:06:16
still alive you know thank God but
00:06:18
they're not spring chickens you know
00:06:19
yeah so we've got some other stuff to
00:06:22
deal with
00:06:23
in the future but it's going to be
00:06:25
different now you'll be dealing with it
00:06:27
more on your own you know what I mean
00:06:29
yeah um it's not like you're not going
00:06:31
to go and support them in their time but
00:06:34
it's not the same every every you know
00:06:36
dog got died last year now the little
00:06:39
beagle and
00:06:41
um even that it's had a sort of better
00:06:43
taste about it you know bad enough that
00:06:45
he died of course it did but and it was
00:06:47
sudden but we
00:06:50
um it's only me and my daughter that
00:06:51
were there when it happened it was up in
00:06:52
the driveway
00:06:54
um Andrew's way somewhere and somebody
00:06:56
said we just it just didn't it felt like
00:06:58
it should have been a family
00:07:00
but but it wasn't but we could this is
00:07:04
all in your head a little bit because if
00:07:05
we were still together it's very chance
00:07:07
that some of us could have been a
00:07:08
different parts of the country at the
00:07:09
time because you know that was right
00:07:10
there going on so but certain things
00:07:13
just feel
00:07:14
a little bit more cynical or I don't
00:07:18
know I don't know um but that's only
00:07:20
some days but mental health wise and I
00:07:22
think um humor helps definitely
00:07:26
there's that saying if you don't laugh
00:07:28
you cry totally and and I did cry you
00:07:31
know and my kids even saw me cry which
00:07:33
uh you know is that the first time that
00:07:36
I cried no the first time your kids saw
00:07:37
you yeah I think so yeah other than you
00:07:41
know I'm I'm the sort of guy
00:07:43
you know in a sad movie you know
00:07:47
who's not a crying I can see so if you
00:07:49
look at me that's what my daughter goes
00:07:51
no no not me not me no I'm not crying so
00:07:55
I'm I am quite emotional in that sort of
00:07:58
sense you know I can uh I can cry at
00:08:01
other people's funeral someone's funeral
00:08:03
that and then I could walk into a
00:08:04
funeral off the street and not know the
00:08:06
people and stand at the back and look
00:08:08
around and I can get emotional from
00:08:10
their emotion if you know what I mean is
00:08:11
there something that sort of Crypt and
00:08:12
you've noticed as you get older yeah I I
00:08:14
to the point where I go [ __ ] how am I
00:08:16
going to handle any of these big public
00:08:18
funerals that are coming my way and you
00:08:20
know I love a bit of you know down the
00:08:22
track but you know it's yeah I've I
00:08:25
think I've always been that way but but
00:08:28
I'm not afraid of it either I don't
00:08:30
think you do feel better after
00:08:34
um well it's quite it's quite cathartic
00:08:35
but yeah I mean um but we were raised in
00:08:38
an age where you just didn't you just
00:08:39
didn't cry you didn't show any sort of
00:08:41
weakness well I sort of but having said
00:08:43
that it doesn't mean
00:08:45
where at stuff is I I won't just sit
00:08:48
there and I will certainly I'm quite
00:08:51
proactive though so I I might have a cry
00:08:54
but then I go that's good all right bang
00:08:55
that's what we're doing you know I
00:08:58
remember saying that to the kids
00:08:58
actually I said hey okay let's draw a
00:09:01
line on that you're not going to see
00:09:01
that again tomorrow's gonna be a great
00:09:03
day sun's coming up and we're doing this
00:09:05
this this this you know you've got to
00:09:07
force yourself into that mindset yeah so
00:09:10
you're quite gonna like
00:09:11
compartmentalizing things yeah um well I
00:09:13
don't think it'll come up because I
00:09:14
think my everything my living sister
00:09:19
a lot of stuff going on but quite good
00:09:21
at like um I suppose look yeah so when
00:09:25
we broke up
00:09:27
what do you do now you just wait around
00:09:29
and sit around and I had to get on with
00:09:33
it so I straight away started dealing
00:09:36
with the separation agreement side of it
00:09:38
you know don't know why but it's had to
00:09:40
do something I couldn't you know so I
00:09:41
went and did all that and pushed it
00:09:43
through about two weeks and the the the
00:09:46
the woman that I was dealing with said
00:09:48
she hadn't seen anything like it you
00:09:49
know and I don't know I did that and
00:09:51
then and it was and it wasn't to make a
00:09:55
point to her it was a very it's very
00:09:57
it's we both agree or not it's very nice
00:10:00
to each other but I just had to do
00:10:02
something I just couldn't sit there
00:10:03
waiting for again like a TV thing
00:10:05
waiting for someone to tell me when it's
00:10:08
time to make a TV show waiting for
00:10:10
permission I needed to
00:10:12
fill my time and because that's right I
00:10:14
couldn't work
00:10:16
I couldn't work not knowing
00:10:19
my situation anymore you know like uh
00:10:22
you know what's it if I'm going to go
00:10:24
make it certainly didn't feel like
00:10:25
making a comedy TV show but having said
00:10:28
that there's been no ideas for taking
00:10:30
over that you you get now
00:10:33
that I wouldn't have thought of had I
00:10:34
not gone through that experience you
00:10:36
know more darker sort of Comedy or you
00:10:37
sort of see marriage break up sort of
00:10:39
stuff or
00:10:40
um yeah because you touched upon this on
00:10:42
your American Heartland show yes that
00:10:44
again was a little bit cheeky
00:10:46
um at
00:10:47
engines it's been so no but it wasn't
00:10:49
meant to be jokes on me yeah do you want
00:10:51
to like recap that for anyone that may
00:10:53
have missed that well I
00:10:59
mean on the TV about uh Terry's wife is
00:11:02
left for a Furniture upholster and
00:11:04
taking any kind of thing you know so
00:11:06
um so I thought you know doing a travel
00:11:08
show through the states it might as well
00:11:10
be a bit of backstory to it fake or real
00:11:12
and you've got to bring a little bit of
00:11:14
real stuff to it so I've just gone
00:11:16
through a marriage breakup so why the
00:11:18
housing through the states all right
00:11:19
he's going through a midlife crisis
00:11:20
which which I'm not but you know that's
00:11:22
a good you've got a middle-aged guy
00:11:24
making the travel show you might as well
00:11:25
Chuck a midlife crisis on him give us a
00:11:27
bit more of an edge so I sit there
00:11:29
talking to the camera going on yeah well
00:11:31
you know it's been tough you know my
00:11:32
wife's left me for a a carbon underlay
00:11:36
salesman or something you know I don't
00:11:37
know carpet underlay program or
00:11:39
something that was made up and just
00:11:41
didn't seeing a carpet
00:11:43
I'm not as far as I know if you heard
00:11:46
something
00:11:47
maybe no but that was cathartic in the
00:11:51
sense having a bit of a laugh at it you
00:11:53
know and she knows me well enough you
00:11:55
know she's certain of course it's an eye
00:11:56
rolling thing for him oh here he goes
00:11:58
you know and she you would have had a
00:11:59
life but to the point I think we should
00:12:02
actually contacted me once because we're
00:12:03
making the episodes bit my bit and I
00:12:05
think she actually
00:12:07
she rang me up and said
00:12:09
um how many more episodes are there and
00:12:11
and how many more times am I gonna
00:12:14
appear in there you know just my parents
00:12:17
want to know is that what I read look
00:12:20
don't worry about it tweet it to now
00:12:21
there's no more
00:12:22
um was it was it a little um a little
00:12:24
peace egg
00:12:25
was that little truth there yeah right
00:12:27
right oh there's a little treat I mean
00:12:29
yeah yeah passive aggressive
00:12:31
not really no I was more it's more about
00:12:34
the gag yeah right put it away if
00:12:37
we hadn't
00:12:39
broken up and we're still together
00:12:42
there's a
00:12:43
90 chance that a similar line would have
00:12:47
been yeah right whether it might not
00:12:49
been so important yeah it's a little
00:12:50
passive aggressive I think I knew
00:12:52
there'd be a few people gonna laugh out
00:12:53
of it so maybe I was being a bit cheeky
00:12:55
but I certainly knew that people the
00:12:57
important people involved in my kids for
00:12:59
example who were watching I couldn't
00:13:00
wait for them to watch the show I
00:13:02
certainly wouldn't have done it even one
00:13:03
of them saw it before we went to her and
00:13:05
they were laughing going oh that's so
00:13:06
funny that's good yeah sure that's right
00:13:08
yeah I'll be right you know well I
00:13:10
suppose for them it means you're in a
00:13:11
good place like you because you're at
00:13:13
the point where you can make jokes about
00:13:14
it yeah and looking if I always wanted
00:13:16
to be serious and and be aggressive or
00:13:19
be snarky it could be you know
00:13:23
um again
00:13:24
what kind of idiot what kind of idiot TV
00:13:29
professional TV presenter would be
00:13:30
supposed to be talking about the where
00:13:32
he is we'll be talking about
00:13:34
his wife leaving leaving him for a
00:13:37
Furniture upholstery or whatever it is
00:13:39
pretty funny yeah I mean that that again
00:13:41
I just find that amusing that this guy
00:13:43
how I'm professional this guy can't you
00:13:45
focus on me well you you mentioned the
00:13:48
timid life crisis before and I I feel
00:13:50
like it gets um it gets it gets a bad
00:13:52
rep when people think of a mid-life
00:13:53
crisis they think of like
00:13:54
Harley-Davidsons or jet skis but um you
00:13:57
know to you could frame a midlife crisis
00:13:59
here
00:14:04
okay
00:14:06
um you can you frame it as um like a
00:14:08
chance to to go okay I've still got a
00:14:11
lot of years left to live what can I do
00:14:13
better what have I done wrong you know
00:14:15
how can I how can I correct the course
00:14:17
of my life and become the person I want
00:14:18
to be big time and
00:14:21
as I was saying that because you often
00:14:23
tell yourself that you go you know what
00:14:24
this is this is an opportunity you know
00:14:26
there's an opportunity to have a second
00:14:28
life instead of you know
00:14:30
as good as it was you can you can pretty
00:14:33
much imagine where your life was gonna
00:14:36
it was that aspect of it was fairly
00:14:38
predictable and rightly wrongly now you
00:14:41
have no idea you have no idea in 10
00:14:43
years time
00:14:44
who you might be with the way you might
00:14:46
even be living
00:14:48
um and that's kind of exciting it's kind
00:14:50
of almost like being
00:14:52
what are you going to do when you leave
00:14:53
school kind of thing you don't know
00:14:54
um and you've got the freedom now
00:14:58
um which you you just go off and live
00:15:01
and live in Spain for a month if you
00:15:03
wanted to you know
00:15:04
um
00:15:05
do you know anyone over there
00:15:07
[Music]
00:15:09
I got some friends just flag my kids no
00:15:13
then he realized damn I've got kids
00:15:15
and then you'll be like well [ __ ] you
00:15:17
guys you're in your late teens my
00:15:19
parents abandoned me for a year when I
00:15:20
was 11. oh there you go and look I'm
00:15:22
quite frankly you know I hardly see them
00:15:23
anyway yeah you know so that's that's
00:15:25
what's interesting thing so we've done
00:15:27
this you know everyone does it
00:15:28
differently and we've chosen to a week
00:15:30
on week off kind of thing because
00:15:32
logistically I couldn't do anything less
00:15:34
complicated more complicated and it kind
00:15:36
of works pretty well but what I
00:15:37
realizing now of their ages I hardly see
00:15:39
them anyway they do their own stuff in
00:15:41
the weekend so independent they have
00:15:43
sleepovers and I'm sort of associating
00:15:44
the fact I don't see him as much as I
00:15:46
did with the breakup but it's nothing to
00:15:48
do with it
00:15:49
they are doing the right thing now and
00:15:51
you almost got to stay out of it you
00:15:53
know so you join them are you um are you
00:15:55
seeing anyone now are you quite happy on
00:15:57
your own at the at the stage
00:15:58
um I have been
00:16:01
um
00:16:01
that's why I'm in a confusing stage
00:16:05
yeah but I have I've certainly been seen
00:16:07
someone who's very cool
00:16:09
um
00:16:10
but I still think I've got stuff yes
00:16:14
yeah you know
00:16:15
um which
00:16:17
probably makes me not the ideal person
00:16:20
right now but you know who knows but
00:16:22
yeah I've been lucky in that sense that
00:16:24
you know yeah sure it's good that you've
00:16:27
got the um the EQ I guess to
00:16:30
um is that a thing the emotional
00:16:32
intelligence
00:16:34
um to to recognize that because I think
00:16:37
it looked like the easy thing for I
00:16:39
think especially for guys to do is just
00:16:40
jump from one into another and
00:16:42
you know and not not actually process
00:16:44
what's happened and what they've gone
00:16:45
through but then I suppose yeah then you
00:16:47
I suppose you've got to be careful
00:16:49
um
00:16:50
of maybe not overthinking it too much
00:16:52
yeah and thinking oh [ __ ] you know I'm
00:16:55
not ready for that I'm in the team you
00:16:56
know 10 years on the track and you know
00:16:58
that that person was great or perfect
00:17:01
and you you you're in the sort of fuzz
00:17:03
of hey I'm still a victim you know I'm
00:17:05
just going through the stuff and they'd
00:17:07
say yeah whatever man you know
00:17:08
eventually people stop you know
00:17:10
listening hey you know it's not big news
00:17:11
anymore man we know you broke up you
00:17:13
know we've moved on but there's more
00:17:17
Goss you know so you've got to pull
00:17:20
yourself apart man go okay all right at
00:17:22
what point is this still you you know
00:17:25
using that as a crutch and what point
00:17:28
are you you know you got to get real
00:17:29
again at some point I suppose you know
00:17:31
you you haven't seen a therapist or
00:17:32
anything you've quite good at just
00:17:33
processing stuff
00:17:34
um a friend a friend of mine put me on
00:17:37
to someone and I think it was because of
00:17:39
covert ended up being on like an online
00:17:41
kind of thing like a zoom call to hate
00:17:43
you know I almost need to see a
00:17:44
therapist for zooms I hate them you know
00:17:46
so seeing a therapist on Zoom was
00:17:48
actually was quite
00:17:51
yeah so look look I can't
00:17:55
yeah I can't say how helpful it was but
00:17:57
I I remember
00:17:59
telling him I'm not feeling really good
00:18:01
today really good today yeah sure yeah
00:18:03
I'm real good you've sold me it's good
00:18:05
you know I just think I wanted to get
00:18:07
off yeah right as I said a few a few
00:18:10
podcasts that can be quite sort of
00:18:12
specifically tailored
00:18:14
um to your sort of situation were quite
00:18:16
helpful so we've got the space up among
00:18:18
Ryan I found myself driving up there and
00:18:20
I'm sick of Music whatever actually I
00:18:22
couldn't listen to music for quite a
00:18:24
long time after after all this for some
00:18:26
reason so I just used to drive around
00:18:27
with the car with no music on but you
00:18:31
know no really why couldn't you listen
00:18:32
no you think they'd be even sad songs
00:18:34
would resonate with you or yeah after a
00:18:36
while I could and then I enjoyed it
00:18:38
again more than I did even before
00:18:39
because they got a sort of a reboot but
00:18:42
for a brief period Then I literally just
00:18:44
couldn't listen to music especially
00:18:46
Adele I'd imagine yeah Adele um and
00:18:49
certainly not my own stuff oh no one can
00:18:52
listen to that I know
00:18:54
um
00:18:54
that was that was very heartless no but
00:18:57
uh but these podcasts are quite good I
00:19:00
suppose one particular guy I can't
00:19:02
remember what his name was
00:19:03
um American guy you know and is is going
00:19:07
through a breakup and yet before you
00:19:09
know you listen to this guy and there's
00:19:10
different sort of modules to it I
00:19:12
thought that was pretty helpful
00:19:14
um I'm trying to think if there's
00:19:15
anything I did
00:19:16
specifically that he suggested but I was
00:19:19
just hearing someone
00:19:20
talk about
00:19:22
you you don't feel so unique [ __ ] this
00:19:24
is normal you know and everyone you know
00:19:26
that's been through a breakup say oh it
00:19:28
takes time and look trust me in a year
00:19:30
and a half you'll be fine you'll be you
00:19:31
know that sort of stuff it gets easier
00:19:33
it gets easier and it does and again
00:19:34
back to mental health thing everyone has
00:19:37
stuff to deal with you know but it does
00:19:40
it will get easier oh yeah that's too
00:19:42
short I just gotta write it out you know
00:19:44
one foot in front of the other and only
00:19:46
you can do it unfortunately yeah that's
00:19:48
that's the thing you know you no one
00:19:51
else can you've got to walk that walk
00:19:53
somehow and um
00:19:55
and that sort of stood well you've been
00:19:58
I mean it rocks in it it's such a common
00:20:00
thing like a relationship breakdown and
00:20:02
it does rock you at the time and I feel
00:20:04
like the stuff that you went through
00:20:04
earlier in life
00:20:06
um probably set you in a good position
00:20:07
for in terms of resilience yeah I think
00:20:09
so yeah I think I think it probably has
00:20:11
um
00:20:12
and
00:20:14
if it hasn't well you know
00:20:17
regardless it's another experience
00:20:20
to put down with all your other
00:20:21
experiences you know it's in this one
00:20:23
not necessarily was a great experience
00:20:25
but it's an experience nonetheless so
00:20:28
you know on the the tapestry of your
00:20:30
life it's something that's an
00:20:31
interesting spot that you know yeah
00:20:33
that's a like a tapestry like a mosaic
00:20:35
it's just part of the you know it's not
00:20:37
always good parts it doesn't always have
00:20:38
to be you need all that stuff and I do
00:20:41
remember though I do as you remember
00:20:43
thinking this
00:20:44
and the real peak of it that a real
00:20:46
emotional side the raw stage that week
00:20:48
after kind of stuff you know where you
00:20:50
can't sleep on that sort of stuff
00:20:52
in a strange kind of way you never felt
00:20:56
more alive
00:20:57
than mean
00:20:59
you were happy but you
00:21:02
you feeling the pain
00:21:06
you felt alive and you weren't numb it's
00:21:08
like getting burned you could feel it
00:21:10
you meant [ __ ] I'm alive here you know
00:21:12
and not everything has to be a real
00:21:14
positive amazing euphoric experience to
00:21:17
feel alive it can be
00:21:19
um something as ghastly as that can
00:21:22
actually make you feel
00:21:23
not invigorated but I'm in touch with
00:21:26
emotions I suppose could you feel that
00:21:28
at the time or just on reflection at the
00:21:30
time
00:21:31
yeah but not
00:21:37
a gray guy life nothing really good
00:21:41
happening nothing really bad happening
00:21:43
just another day Monday Tuesday
00:21:44
Wednesday Thursday you know oh Years
00:21:46
Gone by New Year big party you know
00:21:49
the mundanus of life that everybody goes
00:21:51
through at some stage you know
00:21:53
um but like one day Cricket those middle
00:21:55
overs the 30 overs kind of like you know
00:21:57
come on you know a bit like that and
00:21:59
suddenly I found [ __ ]
00:22:01
you know you're on fire here you're
00:22:04
someone's slightly waking you up you
00:22:07
know you actually feel alive
00:22:09
um and then you have these hopefully
00:22:11
transfer that into more positive energy
00:22:13
I suppose it's got to start somewhere
00:22:16
yeah well thanks for being so open and
00:22:17
honest to chat about this stuff
00:22:19
how are you did you and your wife um
00:22:22
ex-wife sit down and tell the kids at
00:22:23
the same time how to kind of yeah
00:22:25
yeah you didn't know I was coming to the
00:22:27
kids sort of have an inkling or no I
00:22:29
don't think so would it put us away
00:22:30
there'll probably time so they thought
00:22:32
oh you guys going to bring up kind of
00:22:33
thing you know and of course be at a
00:22:35
short no no no no no that's not us you
00:22:36
know and my thing I believe that too
00:22:39
um
00:22:42
sorry because I was telling the truth
00:22:44
there's nothing better now she didn't
00:22:46
say anything
00:22:48
it was just me they'll say no no but um
00:22:51
no they they didn't I don't think they
00:22:54
did we sort of sat down but and they
00:22:57
took it remarkably well
00:22:59
um and still have because it's ongoing
00:23:01
and it's not easy going from house to
00:23:02
house and you've got to put it but in
00:23:03
the end of day look real still here and
00:23:05
I've got a house through you know we're
00:23:07
alive there's a lot of people a lot
00:23:08
worse off
00:23:09
um you know in so many ways yeah that's
00:23:12
a thing
00:23:13
um yeah there's a saying I really like
00:23:14
it that um comparison is the theft of
00:23:17
Joy but I think I'm sometimes comparing
00:23:18
Down's not a bad thing like you mean in
00:23:21
the French jail yeah yeah oh yeah
00:23:23
there's people there I mean they're
00:23:25
leaving their families they're going I
00:23:27
mean that was gut wrenching
00:23:29
um and I think it is okay to go
00:23:32
um oh [ __ ] you know you've got all these
00:23:35
people you know down cyclone in the
00:23:37
Hawks Bay and stuff and yeah it's
00:23:38
terrible you see them their whole life
00:23:40
is turned upside down so that's bad
00:23:42
enough like so I can look at that and go
00:23:44
[ __ ] you know or someone's even died and
00:23:46
go God what am I going through I'm doing
00:23:48
a podcast with dom talking about my life
00:23:50
I mean it's not some some might say
00:23:52
you've got it worse than some of the
00:23:53
people in Hawke's Bay there you go but
00:23:55
then the people at Hawke's Bay they'll
00:23:57
say yeah but look it is what it is when
00:24:00
there's people down the road that are
00:24:01
you know and there's someone at Starship
00:24:03
at the moment whether with a kid who's
00:24:05
you know on a machined they're not know
00:24:09
if it's going to be alive in the morning
00:24:10
so
00:24:11
there's nothing wrong
00:24:13
with saying you know what there's always
00:24:16
someone worse off yeah and even if
00:24:18
you're just saying it
00:24:19
um saying it can sink in I think you
00:24:22
know yeah yeah it does make it you know
00:24:24
it's not perfect but it does help
00:24:26
absolutely
