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JJ Feny, welcome to my podcast. >> Dom Harvey, thanks for having me back. This is not your normal podcast episode,
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though, is it? >> By the way, just before we get into the reason for this uh bonus episode of the
00:00:12
Dom Harvey podcast, can I just say I've done 330 episodes of my podcast. >> This is the first time that 30 seconds
00:00:20
before starting, my guest has said, "All right, let's get it over and done with."
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That's something we I used to say in our marriage a lot too, didn't I? >> No, but I feel like you're coming into
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this podcast today with the the wrong attitude. >> Well, the last thing you want a guest to
00:00:38
do when they sit down and say, "All right, how long is this going to take? I
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got [ __ ] to do. Let's get it over and done." >> Well, I'm a very busy person. I know I
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own a company with you right now, but I think I do all the work, so I'm busy.
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Uh Jazz, our studio manager at Pod Lab, she just bought in this plate prior to starting which has got like couple of
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bits of onion on. >> Um why? >> Well, she thinks like if it gets emotional then u you can blame any tears
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on the onions. >> Well, I don't think it's going to get I don't think it's going to get emotional.
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>> No. >> What do you think? >> Well, I I had you on my podcast. You've
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been on twice before actually. once early on >> and then we did another episode when you
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retired from radio a couple of years ago, but you haven't been on since then.
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But I I don't know. I don't feel like it'll be emotional today, but you never
00:01:24
know where these things >> hopefully not >> where these things go. Um, the reason uh
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for this episode is because there's a brand new New Zealand made show on Neon
00:01:34
called Bust Up. >> Mhm. >> I have a question. Does your husband does he know about us? I just thought
00:01:41
he'd be interested in the fact that your new workmate is your ex. >> We can still work together, right?
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Of >> course we can. >> You can blame each other, but I know what I saw in your faces.
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>> You've you've watched the whole season? >> I have. I've been lucky enough to see it
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in advance. starring Morgana O'Reilly, who you have had on your podcast, too.
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Well, she's coming up soon, isn't she? >> Um, and it's basically she plays a cop.
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Um, and her ex comes to work with her at the cop station. So, it's about two exes
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working together. Um, and it's a little bit, it's kind of funny, but it's also
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drama. You know, they're solving crimes together and all that stuff. And then,
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you know, bit of tension at times, bit of sexual chemistry. don't want to give
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too much away, you know. So, um it's just interesting watching the dynamics of uh two exes working together and
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that's exactly what we do here, >> you know. >> So, Neon had this idea that we could do
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a bonus episode of the podcast uh due to our similarity with the main characters
00:02:53
on the show. There is there is always a lot of intrigue about this from other people. People are very cur this must be
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a question you get a lot. >> So many people fascinated, hey, how can you work with your ex? And then they
00:03:05
say, I could never work with my ex. but they actually they're actually thinking
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about their ex when they say it. And so their ex may be someone that they definitely don't want to work with. But
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there's no reason why you couldn't work with your ex if your ex is okay. You
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know, if your ex is not a rat bag, >> I think it really it largely depends on
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what happened in the relationship and why you broke up. You know, like when we when we were together, we got along
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great just like we do now and we're working together. We didn't break up
00:03:37
because anyone cheated or because anyone betrayed the other person or because the
00:03:43
stress of having kids was too much or anything like that which a lot of people break up over and then they end up
00:03:48
having some sort of um you know disdain for the other person. Um that's not the
00:03:53
case for us. We're very open and honest about the spark going and us being like
00:03:58
really good friends and was there more to it? Not sure. Uh, so really our friendships just continued on.
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>> Yeah. Just saved what was good out of the relationship and got rid of the
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other stuff. >> You didn't learn much from me though. You didn't learn uh about ironing your
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t-shirts when we were together. >> I'm a shambles. >> You never iron your t-shirts anymore. I
00:04:19
used to do it. Now you don't even do it. >> Did you? Yeah. I took that for granted.
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I I um on reflection um Oh, yeah. I I carry a lot of guilt about certain things in our
00:04:30
relationship. Like I we we we we um were a couple first and then we started working together and we did breakfast
00:04:36
radio together for [ __ ] how many years? >> Gosh, 20 something 23 years maybe.
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>> Right. And I um I remember when when I when I so you were working at this radio
00:04:50
station called the edge in Hamilton. >> I was at a station in Palmyon North. So
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we had a longdistance relationship for a couple of years. >> Then um the opportunity came up to work
00:04:58
together. So I left Palmerston North, moved to Hamilton and started work at the edge with you. And I I can't
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remember the exact conversation we had at the time, but I think we said something like um did we say work's got
00:05:10
to come first or the relationship's going to come first or if it does? We didn't we were good as a couple, but we
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didn't know if we were going to work well together. >> I I can't remember that conversation,
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but I would assume that we would have said that work has to come first. I assume because when when um you came
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to work at the edge, it was just because we got offered a job somewhere else together
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>> at ZM. >> Yeah. And so you were living in Palms, I was in Hamilton. The only way we could
00:05:39
be in the same city was if we were working for the same radio station. And the boss at the edge said, "Huh, well,
00:05:48
your boyfriend can come and work with you, but it's not going to last."
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>> And he was right. 23 YEARS LATER. It was a very It was playing the long
00:05:58
game for the I told you so moment. >> Yeah. Yeah. I owe him 500 bucks. >> Yeah. So, um so I had that that pressure
00:06:06
of uh you know, not that really the relationship working out, but it definitely had to not affect work, I
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guess. So, I think I think maybe if we did have that conversation, it would have been, okay, the radio station can't
00:06:21
suffer because of our relationship. and it didn't >> and it yeah to be fair I think they were
00:06:28
both successful like we had a great relationship for that period of time and we had a like a great on air radio show
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for that period of time. Um but I I do look back with like a sense of sort of regret like I put everything into that
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radio show. I probably took it like way too seriously. >> You did? >> And you Well, did you as well or
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>> No, not as much as you. You were really really actually difficult to work with
00:06:50
on radio. I find you a lot easier now at Pod Lab, but in radio you're very demanding. You your expectations are so
00:06:58
high and you expect everybody to meet those expectations to be at that level as you. You don't take anything less,
00:07:05
which you know that's that's fine because you want to succeed, you want to
00:07:08
be successful, but it puts a lot of pressure on people and it stresses people out. And people around you, they
00:07:14
they they were scared. They were crumbling. They were like, "What if I what if I'm not good enough for Dom?"
00:07:18
And that was basically the filter that they ran everything through. And for me, if I wasn't your partner, I would have
00:07:25
told you to get fed. >> Well, you did anyway. >> No, I would have I wouldn't have put up
00:07:29
with that [ __ ] But because I was your partner, I sort of was more forgiving of
00:07:33
you. I understood you because I know what you're really like, you know, and I
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know that this is just your work persona and this is what you're like. So, um,
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yeah. Yeah. So, that's that's it. >> That pisses me off. That pisses me off
00:07:46
because I'll tell you what, >> no one's complaining on ratings day when
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you're number one. >> No, >> no one's complaining when the radio
00:07:53
awards come out and you're named the best show in New Zealand. No one's complaining when you hit the KPIs and
00:07:57
you get a bonus. But no [ __ ] wants to do the work. >> No, nobody wants to do the work. You're
00:08:03
right. You're right. Um >> Oh, no. Yeah. I I don't know. But I You
00:08:09
look back now because when you're in like I got into radio, same as you. um like straight out of school actually
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before school I did like work experience at the station so it's all I knew my
00:08:18
entire adult life and you think it's this massive massive deal and then you you take a step back from it this thing
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that you've known your whole adult life and you realize >> it's not a big deal at all like most
00:08:29
people yeah it I don't know some people either listen or they don't and it's not
00:08:34
a big it's not a big deal but you led to believe it is or you're not I don't know
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you just think it's a big deal and it's not it becomes all consuming. >> Well, management didn't help by by sort
00:08:46
of gaslighting us into and bullying us into um thinking we were never good enough,
00:08:52
>> you know, just to try and get the best out of us. So, that probably didn't help
00:08:55
at all having that sort of mentality. >> But, you know, you've softened
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>> since you left radio, you know, and you're in the podcast business now and
00:09:04
you're not so um anal about things. I think I think what it is for me um >> you know there's that that awful saying
00:09:11
like every cloud has a silver lining. I think for me it's probably um like suffering depression and having some
00:09:17
like mental health issues of my own. It probably gave me um some empathy and compassion that was missing beforehand.
00:09:24
>> Yeah, you definitely needed that beforehand. >> Okay, that was your chance to go. No,
00:09:27
no, no, >> no. You're all good. >> No, like but the truth is you didn't
00:09:31
have it because when I was depressed you didn't understand depression. You thought it was a choice?
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>> No, but I I did try. Right. I was >> No, I don't think you did.
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>> I tried to be like supportive and encouraging. Um >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You did, but
00:09:47
you'd also say, "Oh, come on. Let's just just get out there. Just go and do some
00:09:51
exercise or something. Watch something funny on TV or, you know, like you didn't understand that it was it was
00:09:57
more than that." But you do understand that now. And I think that's that's
00:10:01
actually it would have been nice if you did understand it a bit more back then, but um but I see how you've suffered
00:10:07
since since then >> and it's it's painful to watch and I know how hard it's been for you and so I
00:10:17
can I can relate to that. But >> but it's it's >> not fun to see someone go through that.
00:10:23
>> Yeah. But if you can take something good out of it and say, "Okay, well, yeah,
00:10:26
this part of my personality was probably missing and now I've found it, then I
00:10:31
suppose that's a good thing." Like, you just never know what someone else is
00:10:35
going through now. I'd say I'm probably even more compassionate than what you
00:10:38
are now. >> You're still like, "Nah, nah. Once once a thief, always a thief."
00:10:44
>> No, I do believe that. >> I've had a couple of gang members on my
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podcast. JJ's like, "Nah, nah, can't trust any of them." No, don't trust
00:10:52
>> building by association. >> No, they say they have all these big words, but they don't back it up with
00:10:56
actions. I'm doing all these good things, but you're also doing all these
00:10:59
bad things. So, yeah, I I can't be bothered with people who who are full of [ __ ] basically.
00:11:06
>> You got no time for BS. >> No, no time for BS. I hate it. >> Yeah.
00:11:12
>> Do you Is there anything you miss about um like us working together like on a
00:11:17
radio show in front of the mics? Um, that's a good question. Um, I mean those were some great times.
00:11:25
It was fun. Like on the air we had like these it was it was a cool dynamic. You know, that was like if you have JJ Mike
00:11:32
and Dom or JJ Dom and Randall or whoever we were working with at the time, that person, that third person was usually
00:11:38
the anchor holding it all together. And you were the you were the renegade, the shock jock, the naughty boy, and I was
00:11:46
the voice of reason. And I was able to like, you know, use that use that dynamic that we have, the fact that we
00:11:54
were married and um that you and I have kind of opposite personalities on the radio.
00:12:02
It was just it was just fun to be able to rein you in. And I don't know, we we
00:12:06
had we had lots of fun. We were able to do things outside of our normal um you know, what we'd do in normal life. The
00:12:13
radio was kind of like a a playground for us. Yeah. >> So, I enjoyed working with you.
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>> Well, you it was um we were encouraged to like push boundaries. I think now in
00:12:22
radio like you're encouraged not to push boundaries cuz you don't want anyone to
00:12:26
say mean things about you on the internet. >> You're not even you're not even allowed
00:12:28
to have an opinion on radio anymore in case someone disagrees with you. >> This um we we had a client in Pod Lab um
00:12:34
a couple of days ago and she said, "Do you remember me?" And I was like, I I
00:12:37
didn't remember her, but she said, "Um, I did a a radio segment with you and JJ
00:12:42
a few years ago. I'm not going to say this girl's name because she's she's got
00:12:46
like, you know, she's got a like a like a massive massive job now, a massive
00:12:50
position and >> unnecessary. Yeah. >> This is um part of her life that I
00:12:54
suppose she looks back um kind of fondly of, but also a little bit embarrassed of.
00:13:00
>> She said she didn't mind it. She was all for it at the time, >> but she she came in and did a radio
00:13:04
segment. You can't remember this. Hey, >> I can vaguely remember after she said
00:13:08
it, >> but the it was some like blind dating segment where she came in with a
00:13:12
blindfold on and there were five guys there with blindfolds on. Uh she had to kiss them all one by one like like a
00:13:20
proper like tongue and mouth kiss and then decide which one out of number one to number five was the best kisser and
00:13:26
then remove the blindfold and go out on a date to see if they're compatible.
00:13:30
>> So it's like kiss first, ask questions later. Um, this is so shocking. It
00:13:35
>> seems outrageous. >> It does seem outrageous. It was so normal back then.
00:13:41
>> I mean, people, you know, you ask for volunteers to do these things and you're
00:13:44
never short of the volunteers. There's always people willing to do it. It's
00:13:47
fun. It's edgy. It's a little bit, you're giving permission, giving them
00:13:51
permission to do something they wouldn't normally do, you know, in in a in a safe
00:13:55
zone where they could get away with it, you know. But it it struck me as being alarming
00:14:00
that and this is how you know you've been doing the same job for too long where I couldn't even like something
00:14:05
like that seems pretty big and I couldn't even remember doing it cuz we're doing stuff like that like 5 days
00:14:11
a week 48 weeks a year once you've been doing it for like 20 years or whatever.
00:14:14
It's a lot of >> it's a lot of outrageous content. >> Yeah, >> it is. So you put it all behind you now.
00:14:21
You're a serious businessman running a podcast, >> running a podcast company. Well, I'm
00:14:26
just doing I'm really just doing my podcast, the Dom Harvey podcast. Um, >> but you've got the studio business
00:14:32
together, Pod Lab. >> Yeah. >> Um, which Yeah. How do you find working
00:14:36
with me in this sort of sense? >> Uh, it's really different to working
00:14:40
with you on the radio because on the radio you were in charge. You you were the, you know, everyone followed your
00:14:48
lead. You were the create really creative one. If if you didn't like an idea, then, you know, it was never going
00:14:55
to happen. And so the dynamic has completely changed now because it's more like
00:15:02
there's a lot more organization um and admin and stuff like that that that's required when you run a business.
00:15:09
So I guess I'm in charge now >> and so >> Oh well and truly >> it's it's it's so different. And I I'm
00:15:17
I'm so grateful and I'm I'm so lucky, but I also feel so um inadequate and
00:15:24
vulnerable as well. Like I I just feel >> I I I feel some days I feel like it's
00:15:30
probably what it's like when you're an adult and you can't read. >> Okay.
00:15:36
>> Like seriously. And I don't know if it's because it's like um something
00:15:40
undiagnosed I've got. By the way, I I can read. It's not a literacy issue, but
00:15:44
there's just things that I just don't understand that I should be able to
00:15:46
understand. Like, you filling in forms or I don't I don't know. Like you you
00:15:51
you're like the admin queen. You keep this place running. But it's like um if
00:15:56
I get more than like three emails that require some action, I start getting like stressed out.
00:16:01
>> Stress out. >> But that's okay because I understand that about you and so does everyone else
00:16:05
who works here. So here we like to just play to our strengths. Everyone's different, you know. We all have
00:16:10
strengths and weaknesses and we all pretty much know what they are here. We've got a small team of four. We know
00:16:16
what our strengths and weaknesses are. So, we we support each other. Like you you do what you're good at, I'll I'll do
00:16:22
what you're not good at and vice versa. Like there's plenty of things you help
00:16:26
me out with. >> Like what? >> Um don't ask me right now. >> This see this is what I'm worried about.
00:16:32
Like it's >> you get lunch every day. That's so great. And coffee. It's it it is it's a
00:16:37
it's a great little team and I love turning up to work each day and um yeah working with you and Jazz and Shana and
00:16:45
Jacob when he comes in as a parttime and Matt as well. We we're building this
00:16:49
great little team. >> We have lots of people on the side too. Yeah. >> I you you do so much for me. Um so I I
00:16:55
look for opportunities to add value to your life and I just don't know where I
00:16:59
can. >> Well, you know, please don't try so hard. That's No. See, it's so funny.
00:17:04
Like if people come in here that don't know us, they're meeting us for the
00:17:09
first time, they don't know know us for the radio, they're surprised to see that
00:17:12
we are mar we are legally married, but that that will change at some point. But anyway,
00:17:17
>> I've got I've got the papers, the divorce papers on my desk. >> Yeah, they're surprised to know that we
00:17:22
were married and that we are exes working together. Like what? How does that even work?
00:17:29
>> But it's because I think we don't have any animosity to each other. We support
00:17:33
each other. We know, like I said, the the the the the strengths and weaknesses. Um we just like give each
00:17:41
other space to be who we are without trying to control the other person or change the other person. And I think
00:17:48
that's important in a relationship and also a working relationship. So the fact
00:17:53
that we used to be married to me, it doesn't matter that we're working together now because we work well
00:17:58
together. >> We're a good team. you're really great with the clients, you know, when it's I
00:18:03
don't know, you have great ideas and >> even though you're not good at the admin
00:18:07
and stuff, it doesn't matter. There's other things you can do and you come
00:18:10
into your own in plenty of other ways. >> Well, I just try and be like reliable
00:18:14
and dependable and um I I do I do worry about you cuz you like you you take a lot on. You bite off more than what you
00:18:20
can chew and you get stressed. Um but we don't Yeah, we just don't when you take
00:18:24
the relationship aspect out of it, you just you don't really argue anymore because that aspects aspect of it has
00:18:30
gone. >> Well, we we didn't really argue anyway, did we? >> That's true. That's true. I I suppose
00:18:35
like robust discussions about work. >> We do. Yeah, we do sometimes. >> But it was always about work and um
00:18:41
yeah, like I think if you have like um plates or buckets to represent different areas of your life.
00:18:46
>> When we were married, it was probably Yeah. the the the radio plate was like
00:18:51
over full with food. >> Yeah. >> And the others were sort of neglected.
00:18:54
There's that saying that the grass grows where you water it. >> Yeah, that's true.
00:18:58
>> And I I I mean, I suppose we both did, but this is led by me. I think I didn't
00:19:02
take enough attention on the relationship side of things. >> No, don't blame yourself. Don't blame
00:19:06
yourself. We both had parts to play. And that's the same in in any relationship.
00:19:10
And I just think like if you want to get along with your ex after you've broken
00:19:14
up, you have to stop blaming them. like you had a part to play as well. So look at what you did as well. So don't just
00:19:24
people are so hurt that they want the other person to hurt and they take it out on them and that's not it's not nice
00:19:30
to not get along with someone. Wouldn't you rather get along with your ex than
00:19:34
not? Especially if there's children involved or a lot of money you have to sort of sort out. Like it's better to
00:19:41
just see unless they did something really horrible just >> you know I think that's the thing you
00:19:50
just have to like treat people treat people with kindness and stop blaming like take accountability as well for
00:19:57
your role in everything and then you can all get along. >> Yeah. Um a therapist said that to me
00:20:03
once and it was like a it was like an aha sort of moment. It was like >> oh my god I should be a therapist. the
00:20:07
the therapist was like in in any situation you should ask yourself what was my role in this.
00:20:12
>> Yeah. A lot of people don't do it. They're all just like, "Oh, they did
00:20:15
this, they did this, they did that." Blah, blah, blah. Woe is me. But it's
00:20:18
like, okay, stop for a second. You're not perfect. Let's have a look at what
00:20:22
you've done. >> And you really do have to look at yourself and then have some empathy for
00:20:28
the other person as well. >> Yeah. >> And hope that they will reciprocate
00:20:31
that. Some people are difficult and you're just never going to get through to them and that's just let it go. But,
00:20:36
you know, there's some relationships that can be worth saving. >> M when um you must still get infur um I
00:20:44
infuriate myself on a daily basis. When do when when do you get infuriated with me?
00:20:52
Oh, >> it's just Oh my god, this is such a funny conversation. Um like usually just
00:21:01
you'll I just get frustrated with you sometimes because of you because you don't think things
00:21:08
through like I do and I think like largely women have the superpower I believe that men don't have and that we
00:21:17
honestly can think of all we look at the big picture all the consequences of something whereas men tend to and I am
00:21:24
generalizing of course but for the most part you know you you see the thing and you're just you're looking at it and
00:21:31
you're looking you're not looking at all the problems that can evolve from it.
00:21:34
You're just looking at the thing. And I think sometimes when you're just looking
00:21:37
at the thing and not looking at the whole picture, I can get a little bit frustrated with you. But for the most
00:21:42
part, I don't like, you know, when I'm mad at you or frustrated with you,
00:21:46
everyone in the office would, but it hardly happens. >> Although Oh, yeah. It happens.
00:21:50
>> Just when you annoy me >> literally um like maybe 10 15 minutes before going in to do this podcast now,
00:21:56
you snap. What did you snap at me about? You just have to be a mess. >> No, because Okay, here's the thing about
00:22:00
me. I am so busy and I have a million things going on and so you're like just adding more
00:22:06
things to my plate. >> What about Oh, something about the taking the dog to the vet.
00:22:12
>> Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. You want me to reschedle? >> Why are we sharing all this boring stuff
00:22:15
with everyone? Okay. So, the dog has to go to the vet at 9:00 on Thursday. This is a This is an example of how me and
00:22:22
Dom work. So, I would have taken Dom the dog to the vet on Thursday morning at 9:00 a.m., but I have a meeting at 9:30.
00:22:31
So, I put it in Don's diary and I said to you, "You've got to take the vet the
00:22:35
dog to the vet on Thursday morning at 9:00." Yes, you accepted the diary request.
00:22:41
You said, "Yes, it's all good." And then today, you tell me two days beforehand.
00:22:45
Oh, no. You've got a meeting at 9:00 now. >> So, it's like, well, it was in your
00:22:49
diary and you said no, but I I need to write things down. Well, you accepted the diary invite electronically, then
00:22:56
it's up to you to write it down, isn't it? Why is it up to me to also do that
00:23:03
for you? >> Do you see where I get frustrated? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. But look, I understand that's what
00:23:08
you like. So, it's just Dom. That's why I say it's just Dom. >> But,
00:23:12
>> no, but I I don't want to be excused. Like, I I I don't want to be, oh, it's
00:23:16
just Dom. Like I I want to be reliable and dependable, but I I struggle with technology and I feel myself getting
00:23:23
left behind. >> No, just focus on what you are good at. >> Yeah. I mean, it's I like working with
00:23:31
you. I'm comfortable with you. I know you so well. You know me so well. The thing is I feel like I can be so honest
00:23:36
with you and I don't have to lie or say anything to like avoid hurting your feelings or whatever. And I think that's
00:23:42
the most important thing. If there's a lot of people you can't be completely
00:23:46
honest with because you know they'll get upset if they're sensitive or they
00:23:49
they're going to bite back at you or whatever. So you just Yeah. So you just
00:23:52
don't say anything which is stupid. Things don't get said then things don't
00:23:56
get resolved. Things don't get sorted out. But with you I can be honest with
00:23:59
you, you can be honest with me and we'll just sort out whatever the issue is.
00:24:03
>> Yeah. In terms of with this is how I feel towards you and I hope it's the
00:24:07
same way. um like I I can ask you something like an opinion on something and I know it's going to be like an
00:24:14
answer completely from the right place and there's no sort of bias or no agenda.
00:24:19
>> Um >> yeah. Um my my my partner Ash, by the way, this is a big part of being friends
00:24:27
with your ex. Like any new partners need to be on board with it. >> Yeah. Otherwise, it's not going to work.
00:24:33
>> Um but I I explained it to to her once. um like she's really close with her
00:24:38
family. She's got a great family. Like they're on a family WhatsApp group. Um
00:24:43
some days she'll talk to her like mom or dad like four or five times really.
00:24:46
>> Whereas like I I think last Sunday she probably spoke to her dad more than what
00:24:51
I've spoken to my dad in the past year. >> Um I I said to her I was explaining our
00:24:57
relationship one day and I'm like look I'm from a broken family. JJ's from a
00:25:00
broken family. like we we you you get on great with your mom and and your siblings and I get on great with mine,
00:25:07
but we're a very fractured family. So, you feel quite independent in that respect.
00:25:13
>> Yeah. >> And I said, um JJ and I are like family for each other whether we're married or
00:25:17
not. We just we just are. And I said, another thing, it's like you've got your
00:25:21
parents as a backs stop. Like if if you if you lose your job and you've got no
00:25:25
money, your mom or dad are going to be there to scoop you up. And I said, JJ and her family is that person and I'm
00:25:31
that person in my family. There is no there's no backs stop. What? >> It's the onions.
00:25:40
It's the onions. You're so right. You're so right. That's That's true.
00:25:45
>> And >> we're family. >> And I I suppose in like in that regard,
00:25:50
I said to her, you know, um my first year of doing the podcast, I think I made about 25,000 to $30,000. And I
00:25:56
said, so I was sort of relying on JJ about that. Yeah. So like, you know, we we're just regardless of the dynamic of
00:26:03
the relationship, like we're there for each other. And it's hard for other
00:26:06
people to understand, but it's like >> you bought your mom a house. I bought my
00:26:09
my mom a house. If anyone in the family needs money, like they they'll come to
00:26:14
me. If anyone in your family needs money, they come they come to you. >> I get stuff now cuz I' i've got none.
00:26:20
>> Yeah. >> It's all gone. >> But it's Yeah, it is. It's it can be
00:26:23
difficult for other people to understand. But um go on. >> Well, we still have like Christmases
00:26:27
together and everything. Your mom, my mom, my brothers, your no your siblings are all over the place. Not not
00:26:33
necessarily. Your partner, >> you know, my partner, we are family and like why would we want to we don't want
00:26:39
to lose that. >> So that's the hard thing about breaking up a relationship in particular, a
00:26:44
marriage. Like there's more than just the the partner that you lose. There's
00:26:48
their whole family often. So why why does it have to be that way? Why can't you still all get along and still be
00:26:57
friends because you loved each other, you know? So, um yeah. >> Also, what works what works for someone
00:27:04
else or what is um conventional is not necessarily right for other people as well. I don't necessarily expect other
00:27:11
people to understand. They don't they don't even have to understand. It's no
00:27:14
one else's life. >> Um but I'm I am thankful that I've I've
00:27:17
got a good partner. It just gets difficult when she's she gets people in her ear or DMing her.
00:27:24
>> Yeah. Like, what are you doing while he's got still hangs out with his ex?
00:27:27
Like, yeah, it's not actually your business, so stop stop putting those bad vibes in her mind,
00:27:34
>> but she's actually fine with it. She understands. >> Same as my partner. My partner loves
00:27:38
you. He's like, he's always like, I love Dom. Just out of the blue, he'll say it
00:27:43
all the time. I'm like, okay. Well, he's he he's Algerian and a strict Muslim, so
00:27:47
we definitely know it's not in a gay way. >> Yeah. >> Don't you get your hands chopped off
00:27:56
over there for that? >> Oh, you definitely Unfortunately, it's not not a good place
00:28:01
to be gay. Algeria. No, but yeah. >> So, I put a story up on Instagram saying
00:28:05
you're coming in for a bonus episode of the Dom Harvey podcast all about um bust
00:28:09
up on Neon and X's working together >> and there's some uh questions from the
00:28:13
people. All right. >> Things the people want to know. >> Okay. >> Uh, how do you handle new partners
00:28:21
entering the family dynamic? >> Right. We sort of answered that. Like basically, it's like if you've got kids
00:28:29
or you've got dogs or cats or whatever, your new partner has to accept the kids
00:28:34
and the dog with the cat or the relationship ain't going to work out. For us, it's you've got to accept that
00:28:39
my ex is in my life, isn't it? cuz you had a previous girlfriend who didn't like that you that
00:28:45
you were friends with me even though I am no threat to the relationship. I fully supported the relationship. She
00:28:52
didn't like that. So, it was too much for her. Right. >> No, I think she was driving in her car
00:28:57
one day. This is my ex. And um heard you saying something about me and then she called me and she Yeah. What did I say?
00:29:03
>> On the radio. >> On the radio. Yeah. When you're at FM >> and she was like, "You you need to sort
00:29:08
your ex-wife out. She's a C word." What? >> What could I possibly see to make her
00:29:17
say that? >> Um, >> wow. I'm glad she's gone. >> What's the most classic JJ thing uh Dom
00:29:24
still rolls his eyes at? H >> Oh, what's the most classic JJ thing that
00:29:32
Dom still rolls his eyes at? Oh, probably how you just you like you get very stressed very easily. Like your
00:29:38
phone will ring and you'll be like, "Hey, what's up?" Oh my god. What? No
00:29:44
way. Hang on. Leave it with me. Leave it with me. Okay. Like, leave it with me. Leave
00:29:49
it with me. And then I'll be like, "What's that? What's up? What's going
00:29:52
on? What's going on?" And you'll be like, "Oh, no. It's okay. Um, yeah, mom
00:29:57
just needs um me to transfer some money to help with her parking." Like, I don't know. That's a bad
00:30:03
example. >> I think I think out loud. >> Yeah. But but everything everything goes
00:30:08
to level 10 emergency with you on the phone. >> I can't help it. Okay. I'm a very
00:30:14
emotive person like that. Like you know. Okay. >> Hello. Oh my god. You're kidding me.
00:30:22
Oh my god. Oh my god. What are you going to do? You going to call the police? You've got to call the police. You got
00:30:26
to call. Okay. Okay. Bye. And they were like, "What was that?" She's my brother
00:30:30
Paul. He can't find his blue sock. Oh, shut up. >> Are there any questions for you on that?
00:30:38
>> So, that was um >> what's the most classic JJ thing Dom Roses? Oh, I know. I don't roll my eyes
00:30:43
at this, but I I do I do worry about this. You you um you do take a lot on and you get stressed and you get burnt
00:30:50
out and I know a lot of that and and I I carry a huge amount of guilt about that
00:30:54
because we're in business together and it's like you're doing more than your
00:30:57
share of the load. But um I do worry about your um hatred or reluctance to do any sort of exercise.
00:31:05
>> Oh, just because you you are an exercise bully. >> No, I'm I'm worried about
00:31:10
>> you love running all the time and you can't understand why no one else does.
00:31:13
>> No, but I don't want you to get unwell. >> Oh, that's really cute. I'm too busy to
00:31:18
exercise. Okay. It is not in my DNA. I was never brought up on it. It's just
00:31:23
not a thing that anyone that I know in my family does. So, it's not something
00:31:28
I've ever had in my life. So, as an adult, I find it really hard to start this thing, which I've never really
00:31:35
done. >> Like, I'm I if I go if I go on my little 2minut um excited I'm going to start
00:31:42
running, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to do this, I'm going to go to
00:31:44
Pilates or whatever, it doesn't last long, few weeks, and then I'm bored. The
00:31:48
whole time I'm there, I'm stressed about all the things I've got to do. Like, oh
00:31:53
my god, I've got to leave here cuz I've got this to this and that. So for me,
00:31:56
I've just got too much going on. I am too busy to exercise. And for me, exercise is a low priority because I
00:32:03
hate being hot. I hate being in pain. So I'd rather just be doing admin. But
00:32:09
>> this is probably selfish on my part, but I I just can't have you dying. How will
00:32:12
I access any of my passwords? >> Oh, is that what this is about? I knew it. I knew it.
00:32:17
>> How will I get anything done? >> I've left you some very clear
00:32:20
instructions. Uh, >> it's in a it's in a a vault in a bank. You just have to get the key.
00:32:27
>> Oh my god. Oh, JJ will know where the key is. Oh no, that's right. She died
00:32:31
cuz she didn't do any exercise. >> Oh my god. >> Um, what's the most um classic Dom thing
00:32:37
JJ still deals with. >> You >> probably my chaos. >> Oh, your chaos. Your dad jokes.
00:32:45
>> No, I mean the chaos as in just not knowing how to do anything. >> Yeah, the chaos. The dad jokes.
00:32:50
>> Okay. You tease people, you wind people up, and you love it. Like, you get you
00:32:55
get such a a thrill out of winding people up. You do it to Shana at work. She sits next to you and you like
00:33:02
teasing her. Like, it's not it's not mean teasing. It's just It's just like
00:33:06
It's like It's like siblings. It's like siblings. The way you sort of
00:33:10
>> taunt your siblings when you're growing up. It's like that. You like to just
00:33:14
like >> I don't know get a rise out of people. I think that's what that entertains you. I
00:33:20
I think roasting is my love language. >> Is that what it is? >> Yeah. I I had this chat a couple of
00:33:24
years ago with um one of my best friends. He he got really upset with me one night. He goes, "It's really
00:33:28
difficult to be your friends sometime." And I was like, we we' just been joking.
00:33:32
I thought we were just bantering, but >> Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I think I took it too
00:33:36
far. >> So, since then, I've just been really on the group chat. I've just been really
00:33:39
supportive and encouraging and it just But suddenly this group chat I'm on, it
00:33:44
feels like a LinkedIn post now. like it's just >> every friend you had is very sensitive.
00:33:50
So, you have to remember like your audience, >> you know. >> Um, what part of your relationship are
00:33:57
you most grateful for? >> Well, there's not many people that can say they have a lifelong best friend out of
00:34:07
their ex. So, you're very supportive and very caring and thoughtful and sweet. You're like that with all
00:34:19
your friends. You're like that with me. And that's actually it's it's not it's
00:34:25
not easy to come by. >> Yeah. I know I can trust and rely on you 100%. >> Oh, that's good. That's huge. Thank you.
00:34:34
And I feel the same way. It's like I was saying before, like if I ask you a question, I know it's going to be um
00:34:40
like a completely honest answer and from a genuine place where there's like no
00:34:45
agenda, >> nothing hidden, >> you know. And for like a lot of people
00:34:51
listening to this, like say my partner Ash with her relationship with her family, they might find it find it like
00:34:56
a weird thing because they've already got it. But yeah, I don't know. We've
00:34:59
got that with with each other. >> I'm not saying I don't have that with my
00:35:02
family. I do, but we're just not like close close. >> Yeah. >> Because it's a fractured family, so
00:35:08
>> you don't feel like you have that sort of relationship with them. I think I've
00:35:11
been quite quite independent >> from quite a young age as you you are. So, I think that's probably what drew us
00:35:16
together. Maybe. >> Yeah, maybe. >> Um, do you think you understand each
00:35:21
other better now than when you were married? >> Probably because you just know more
00:35:27
about each other every year, don't you? like the longer you know someone the
00:35:31
more you >> and also you you've gone through different things since when we were
00:35:36
married. So I see you I've seen all these things that you've gone through
00:35:41
and how you've dealt with them and how you've come out the other side. >> Yeah. Also I think when you're in a
00:35:47
marriage you're in like the the eye of >> No, the eye of really bad. Um but but
00:35:55
with then when you're not married anymore, you have like a more sort of drone eye view
00:35:59
>> and you can see things from a different perspective. >> Yeah. >> Um uh no, it's good. I like where things
00:36:04
are now and I love getting to work together each day. It's cool. >> Um
00:36:08
>> I just miss our house with the pool >> and the spa pool as well. >> Oh, those are good times. I can't afford
00:36:15
that now cuz when you break up, you've got to sell the house to buy two smaller
00:36:18
places. So that was a bit sad saying goodbye to that. Um, but how can I be sad about not being
00:36:28
with you anymore when I see you every day? >> You know, we never we we it's like we
00:36:33
never broke up, but we did. Like, you know, I see you all the time. So, we we have that relationship where we just
00:36:40
like you said, we're family. We're here for each other all all the time. And I
00:36:44
wish that all exes could have that. And I hope that a lot of people who do end up breaking up for whatever reason are
00:36:52
able to, you know, at least walk away amicably so that you know it's not awkward if you have to see
00:37:01
each other, bump into each other or like on the TV show Bust Up, your ex comes and works with you
00:37:07
>> accidentally. >> Yeah. If you think of a like a a long-term relationship breakup as like a
00:37:13
natural disaster, you go back in the house and you salvage what you can. So, anything that's still good, you save it.
00:37:18
And I suppose that's what we did. Like, we tried to And I think we've done that
00:37:22
pretty well. Um, yeah, we saved what was good about the relationship. >> Yeah. Um, so Jazz, who's pressing the
00:37:29
buttons at the moment, has put a question up she'd like us to answer. What's your favorite thing about each
00:37:34
other? >> Did we not answer that already, Jazz? I said, "I love how Dom is loyal,
00:37:41
caring, thoughtful, supportive, >> reliable, all of those things." >> I'd say I'd say, "Yeah,
00:37:51
>> you're also really tall, which is good when I need to get things off shelves."
00:37:55
>> Yeah. My answer would be the this the same for you. Like I know I can always
00:37:58
depend on you. Um sometimes like Ash will get upset because I'll use you as my e I shouldn't be saying this.
00:38:06
>> Oh no. Oh, you you've said it now. You used me as your emergency contact.
00:38:12
>> Emergency contact. But I'm like, I just don't take this the wrong way, but I
00:38:18
just can't 100% be certain you're going to answer your phone if it's an unknown
00:38:23
number. >> Oh, no. >> I'll answer it. You don't answer your phone if it's an unknown number.
00:38:31
>> No. No. Since we since we've been in business, I have done I had to get over
00:38:34
my fear of answering unknown numbers. >> Who are you trying to avoid all this
00:38:38
time? >> Mainly journalists from the New Zealand Herald. >> Yeah. All right. Well, okay. Well, that
00:38:46
was good. Um, so what can we conclude there about X's working together? >> Um,
00:38:53
it's definitely not for everyone. Um, yeah, it's quite funny in terms of
00:38:58
radio duos. So, there was us, um, Polly and Grant on ZM. >> Yeah. >> And also on on Radio Live for a while,
00:39:04
um, Karen Haye and Andrew Fagen. >> Oh, yeah. >> And I don't think any of those couples
00:39:09
are together anymore. >> That's true. Neither are we. >> There's three from three in terms of
00:39:14
breaking up. >> Oh, I mean, we what? We spent a couple of decades together.
00:39:19
>> Yeah. >> It's a massive innings. >> Yeah. It's It's funny like um Yeah. Do
00:39:23
you call It's strange with Mar like do you call that a success or a failure?
00:39:27
Cuz it's like when when you get married, the idea is till death do us part. >> So anything less than that
00:39:33
>> is >> feels like a failure. Yeah. But it's such a stupid line anyway. It's so out
00:39:37
of date like it should be until the relationship runs its course because how does anyone know what it's like to be
00:39:42
with someone for 70 or 80 years? Nobody does. We haven't we've never done it. So
00:39:47
you only you only know what you've what you've already experienced in life so
00:39:51
far. So to imagine that you could be with someone until you die sounds really romantic and sounds like such a great
00:39:56
idea. But everyone changes. You change as a person. Everyone evolves over every 10 years. You look at every 10 years of
00:40:03
your life so far and how different you were each 10 years. At 10 years, 20 years, when you're 30, when you're 40,
00:40:09
when you're 50, you're a different person. So, how can you really like stick to that promise that you'll love
00:40:16
someone eternally till the end of time when you're both going to be changing as
00:40:20
people >> and there's going to be all these different outside influences. So I think
00:40:25
like if you can get to 10 years, 20 years, >> you've done so well. That's amazing.
00:40:30
Great innings. And if you can have respect for each other at the end of it, then that's even better.
00:40:35
>> 100%. >> Do you think you two would work well as a cop duo? >> I think I'd be good cop. I'd be good cop
00:40:42
because you you you're already like a cop that's been working for too long and
00:40:47
you've lost trust in humanity. Like you just immediately assume everyone's
00:40:51
guilty or up to something. I >> don't you you do >> no I don't trust criminals at all
00:40:59
because hardly any of them are ever honest. Um look I as a cop I'm I'm quite
00:41:06
empathetic though. You can you can get me feeling sorry for you and sad for you. Um I respect people who at least
00:41:13
put in effort and try and don't [ __ ] you. >> So but I think yeah if we were a duo I'd
00:41:18
definitely be the bad cop. >> You'd be the good cop. Then as a parent,
00:41:22
I was a bit soft, wasn't I? So maybe I'd be like that as a cop, too. Who knows?
00:41:28
>> Oh, that's true. >> That's true. >> Thank you. Yeah, you said I was too
00:41:31
soft. >> So maybe maybe you're the bad cop and I'm the good cop. >> Well, I guess we'll never know. Well,
00:41:38
thank you for coming on my podcast today for this very special bonus bust up episode sponsored by Neon.
00:41:45
>> Yeah, everyone get Neon. It's had a glow up. Uh there's heaps of great shows on
00:41:49
there, lots of movies as well. Um, and including bust up with Moana O'Reilly
00:41:53
and Roy Mart. It's really good. Lots of Kiwi actors in there. Scenery is absolutely stunning. It's so gorgeous.
00:42:02
Makes me proud to be a New Zealander. >> And you make me proud to be a New
00:42:06
Zealander. JJ, thanks for being a guest on my podcast. Now get the [ __ ] out of
00:42:10
here. later.