00:00:00
JJ Feny, welcome to my podcast.
00:00:03
>> Dom Harvey, thanks for having me back.
00:00:05
This is not your normal podcast episode,
00:00:07
though, is it?
00:00:08
>> By the way, just before we get into the
00:00:10
reason for this uh bonus episode of the
00:00:12
Dom Harvey podcast, can I just say I've
00:00:15
done 330 episodes of my podcast.
00:00:18
>> This is the first time that 30 seconds
00:00:20
before starting, my guest has said, "All
00:00:23
right, let's get it over and done with."
00:00:27
That's something we I used to say in our
00:00:28
marriage a lot too, didn't I?
00:00:30
>> No, but I feel like you're coming into
00:00:31
this podcast today with the the wrong
00:00:34
attitude.
00:00:37
>> Well, the last thing you want a guest to
00:00:38
do when they sit down and say, "All
00:00:39
right, how long is this going to take? I
00:00:41
got [ __ ] to do. Let's get it over and
00:00:43
done."
00:00:43
>> Well, I'm a very busy person. I know I
00:00:45
own a company with you right now, but I
00:00:47
think I do all the work, so I'm busy.
00:00:50
Uh Jazz, our studio manager at Pod Lab,
00:00:53
she just bought in this plate prior to
00:00:55
starting which has got like couple of
00:00:57
bits of onion on.
00:00:58
>> Um why?
00:00:59
>> Well, she thinks like if it gets
00:01:01
emotional then u you can blame any tears
00:01:04
on the onions.
00:01:04
>> Well, I don't think it's going to get I
00:01:06
don't think it's going to get emotional.
00:01:08
>> No.
00:01:08
>> What do you think?
00:01:10
>> Well, I I had you on my podcast. You've
00:01:12
been on twice before actually. once
00:01:14
early on
00:01:16
>> and then we did another episode when you
00:01:18
retired from radio a couple of years
00:01:19
ago, but you haven't been on since then.
00:01:21
But I I don't know. I don't feel like
00:01:22
it'll be emotional today, but you never
00:01:24
know where these things
00:01:25
>> hopefully not
00:01:26
>> where these things go. Um, the reason uh
00:01:29
for this episode is because there's a
00:01:31
brand new New Zealand made show on Neon
00:01:34
called Bust Up.
00:01:35
>> Mhm.
00:01:36
>> I have a question. Does your husband
00:01:39
does he know about us? I just thought
00:01:41
he'd be interested in the fact that your
00:01:42
new workmate is your ex.
00:01:47
>> We can still work together, right?
00:01:50
Of
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>> course we can.
00:01:53
>> You can blame each other, but I know
00:01:56
what I saw in your faces.
00:02:05
>> You've you've watched the whole season?
00:02:07
>> I have. I've been lucky enough to see it
00:02:09
in advance. starring Morgana O'Reilly,
00:02:11
who you have had on your podcast, too.
00:02:14
Well, she's coming up soon, isn't she?
00:02:16
>> Um, and it's basically she plays a cop.
00:02:20
Um, and her ex comes to work with her at
00:02:25
the cop station. So, it's about two exes
00:02:27
working together. Um, and it's a little
00:02:29
bit, it's kind of funny, but it's also
00:02:31
drama. You know, they're solving crimes
00:02:33
together and all that stuff. And then,
00:02:34
you know, bit of tension at times, bit
00:02:37
of sexual chemistry. don't want to give
00:02:38
too much away, you know. So, um it's
00:02:40
just interesting watching the dynamics
00:02:42
of uh two exes working together and
00:02:44
that's exactly what we do here,
00:02:46
>> you know.
00:02:47
>> So, Neon had this idea that we could do
00:02:48
a bonus episode of the podcast uh due to
00:02:51
our similarity with the main characters
00:02:53
on the show. There is there is always a
00:02:55
lot of intrigue about this from other
00:02:56
people. People are very cur this must be
00:02:58
a question you get a lot.
00:03:00
>> So many people fascinated, hey, how can
00:03:03
you work with your ex? And then they
00:03:05
say, I could never work with my ex. but
00:03:08
they actually they're actually thinking
00:03:10
about their ex when they say it. And so
00:03:13
their ex may be someone that they
00:03:16
definitely don't want to work with. But
00:03:17
there's no reason why you couldn't work
00:03:19
with your ex if your ex is okay. You
00:03:21
know, if your ex is not a rat bag,
00:03:24
>> I think it really it largely depends on
00:03:27
what happened in the relationship and
00:03:28
why you broke up. You know, like when we
00:03:31
when we were together, we got along
00:03:33
great just like we do now and we're
00:03:35
working together. We didn't break up
00:03:37
because anyone cheated or because anyone
00:03:40
betrayed the other person or because the
00:03:43
stress of having kids was too much or
00:03:44
anything like that which a lot of people
00:03:46
break up over and then they end up
00:03:48
having some sort of um you know disdain
00:03:51
for the other person. Um that's not the
00:03:53
case for us. We're very open and honest
00:03:55
about the spark going and us being like
00:03:58
really good friends and was there more
00:04:00
to it? Not sure. Uh, so really our
00:04:04
friendships just continued on.
00:04:06
>> Yeah. Just saved what was good out of
00:04:07
the relationship and got rid of the
00:04:09
other stuff.
00:04:09
>> You didn't learn much from me though.
00:04:11
You didn't learn uh about ironing your
00:04:13
t-shirts when we were together.
00:04:15
>> I'm a shambles.
00:04:16
>> You never iron your t-shirts anymore. I
00:04:19
used to do it. Now you don't even do it.
00:04:21
>> Did you? Yeah. I took that for granted.
00:04:23
I I um on reflection
00:04:27
um Oh, yeah. I I carry a lot of guilt
00:04:29
about certain things in our
00:04:30
relationship. Like I we we we we um were
00:04:33
a couple first and then we started
00:04:35
working together and we did breakfast
00:04:36
radio together for [ __ ] how many years?
00:04:39
>> Gosh, 20 something 23 years maybe.
00:04:44
>> Right. And I um I remember when when I
00:04:48
when I so you were working at this radio
00:04:50
station called the edge in Hamilton.
00:04:52
>> I was at a station in Palmyon North. So
00:04:53
we had a longdistance relationship for a
00:04:55
couple of years.
00:04:56
>> Then um the opportunity came up to work
00:04:58
together. So I left Palmerston North,
00:05:00
moved to Hamilton and started work at
00:05:02
the edge with you. And I I can't
00:05:04
remember the exact conversation we had
00:05:06
at the time, but I think we said
00:05:07
something like um did we say work's got
00:05:10
to come first or the relationship's
00:05:11
going to come first or if it does? We
00:05:12
didn't we were good as a couple, but we
00:05:14
didn't know if we were going to work
00:05:15
well together.
00:05:16
>> I I can't remember that conversation,
00:05:18
but I would assume that we would have
00:05:21
said that work has to come first.
00:05:25
I assume because when when um you came
00:05:29
to work at the edge, it was just because
00:05:32
we got offered a job somewhere else
00:05:34
together
00:05:35
>> at ZM.
00:05:36
>> Yeah. And so you were living in Palms, I
00:05:37
was in Hamilton. The only way we could
00:05:39
be in the same city was if we were
00:05:41
working for the same radio station. And
00:05:44
the boss at the edge said, "Huh, well,
00:05:48
your boyfriend can come and work with
00:05:49
you, but it's not going to last."
00:05:52
>> And he was right. 23 YEARS LATER.
00:05:56
It was a very It was playing the long
00:05:58
game for the I told you so moment.
00:05:59
>> Yeah. Yeah. I owe him 500 bucks.
00:06:03
>> Yeah. So, um so I had that that pressure
00:06:06
of uh you know, not that really the
00:06:10
relationship working out, but it
00:06:11
definitely had to not affect work, I
00:06:14
guess. So, I think I think maybe if we
00:06:17
did have that conversation, it would
00:06:18
have been, okay, the radio station can't
00:06:21
suffer because of our relationship.
00:06:23
and it didn't
00:06:24
>> and it yeah to be fair I think they were
00:06:28
both successful like we had a great
00:06:29
relationship for that period of time and
00:06:32
we had a like a great on air radio show
00:06:34
for that period of time. Um but I I do
00:06:36
look back with like a sense of sort of
00:06:38
regret like I put everything into that
00:06:40
radio show. I probably took it like way
00:06:43
too seriously.
00:06:43
>> You did?
00:06:44
>> And you Well, did you as well or
00:06:46
>> No, not as much as you. You were really
00:06:48
really actually difficult to work with
00:06:50
on radio. I find you a lot easier now at
00:06:53
Pod Lab, but in radio you're very
00:06:55
demanding. You your expectations are so
00:06:58
high and you expect everybody to meet
00:07:00
those expectations to be at that level
00:07:02
as you. You don't take anything less,
00:07:05
which you know that's that's fine
00:07:06
because you want to succeed, you want to
00:07:08
be successful, but it puts a lot of
00:07:10
pressure on people and it stresses
00:07:12
people out. And people around you, they
00:07:14
they they were scared. They were
00:07:15
crumbling. They were like, "What if I
00:07:16
what if I'm not good enough for Dom?"
00:07:18
And that was basically the filter that
00:07:20
they ran everything through. And for me,
00:07:22
if I wasn't your partner, I would have
00:07:25
told you to get fed.
00:07:26
>> Well, you did anyway.
00:07:27
>> No, I would have I wouldn't have put up
00:07:29
with that [ __ ] But because I was your
00:07:31
partner, I sort of was more forgiving of
00:07:33
you. I understood you because I know
00:07:35
what you're really like, you know, and I
00:07:37
know that this is just your work persona
00:07:38
and this is what you're like. So, um,
00:07:41
yeah. Yeah. So, that's that's it.
00:07:44
>> That pisses me off. That pisses me off
00:07:46
because I'll tell you what,
00:07:48
>> no one's complaining on ratings day when
00:07:50
you're number one.
00:07:51
>> No,
00:07:51
>> no one's complaining when the radio
00:07:53
awards come out and you're named the
00:07:54
best show in New Zealand. No one's
00:07:56
complaining when you hit the KPIs and
00:07:57
you get a bonus. But no [ __ ] wants to
00:08:00
do the work.
00:08:00
>> No, nobody wants to do the work. You're
00:08:03
right. You're right. Um
00:08:05
>> Oh, no. Yeah. I I don't know. But I You
00:08:09
look back now because when you're in
00:08:11
like I got into radio, same as you. um
00:08:13
like straight out of school actually
00:08:15
before school I did like work experience
00:08:16
at the station so it's all I knew my
00:08:18
entire adult life and you think it's
00:08:20
this massive massive deal and then you
00:08:22
you take a step back from it this thing
00:08:24
that you've known your whole adult life
00:08:26
and you realize
00:08:27
>> it's not a big deal at all like most
00:08:29
people yeah it I don't know some people
00:08:32
either listen or they don't and it's not
00:08:34
a big it's not a big deal but you led to
00:08:36
believe it is or you're not I don't know
00:08:40
you just think it's a big deal and it's
00:08:42
not it becomes all consuming.
00:08:43
>> Well, management didn't help by by sort
00:08:46
of gaslighting us into and bullying us
00:08:49
into um thinking we were never good
00:08:51
enough,
00:08:52
>> you know, just to try and get the best
00:08:53
out of us. So, that probably didn't help
00:08:55
at all having that sort of mentality.
00:08:58
>> But, you know, you've softened
00:09:00
>> since you left radio, you know, and
00:09:02
you're in the podcast business now and
00:09:04
you're not so um anal about things. I
00:09:07
think I think what it is for me um
00:09:09
>> you know there's that that awful saying
00:09:11
like every cloud has a silver lining. I
00:09:13
think for me it's probably um like
00:09:15
suffering depression and having some
00:09:17
like mental health issues of my own. It
00:09:19
probably gave me um some empathy and
00:09:22
compassion that was missing beforehand.
00:09:24
>> Yeah, you definitely needed that
00:09:25
beforehand.
00:09:26
>> Okay, that was your chance to go. No,
00:09:27
no, no,
00:09:28
>> no. You're all good.
00:09:29
>> No, like but the truth is you didn't
00:09:31
have it because when I was depressed you
00:09:34
didn't understand depression. You
00:09:36
thought it was a choice?
00:09:37
>> No, but I I did try. Right. I was
00:09:39
>> No, I don't think you did.
00:09:41
>> I tried to be like supportive and
00:09:42
encouraging. Um
00:09:45
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You did, but
00:09:47
you'd also say, "Oh, come on. Let's just
00:09:50
just get out there. Just go and do some
00:09:51
exercise or something. Watch something
00:09:53
funny on TV or, you know, like you
00:09:55
didn't understand that it was it was
00:09:57
more than that." But you do understand
00:09:59
that now. And I think that's that's
00:10:01
actually it would have been nice if you
00:10:03
did understand it a bit more back then,
00:10:05
but um but I see how you've suffered
00:10:07
since since then
00:10:10
>> and it's it's painful to watch and I
00:10:13
know how hard it's been for you and so I
00:10:17
can I can relate to that. But
00:10:20
>> but it's it's
00:10:21
>> not fun to see someone go through that.
00:10:23
>> Yeah. But if you can take something good
00:10:25
out of it and say, "Okay, well, yeah,
00:10:26
this part of my personality was probably
00:10:28
missing and now I've found it, then I
00:10:31
suppose that's a good thing." Like, you
00:10:34
just never know what someone else is
00:10:35
going through now. I'd say I'm probably
00:10:36
even more compassionate than what you
00:10:38
are now.
00:10:39
>> You're still like, "Nah, nah. Once once
00:10:42
a thief, always a thief."
00:10:44
>> No, I do believe that.
00:10:46
>> I've had a couple of gang members on my
00:10:48
podcast. JJ's like, "Nah, nah, can't
00:10:50
trust any of them." No, don't trust
00:10:52
>> building by association.
00:10:53
>> No, they say they have all these big
00:10:54
words, but they don't back it up with
00:10:56
actions. I'm doing all these good
00:10:58
things, but you're also doing all these
00:10:59
bad things. So, yeah, I I can't be
00:11:02
bothered with people who who are full of
00:11:05
[ __ ] basically.
00:11:06
>> You got no time for BS.
00:11:09
>> No, no time for BS. I hate it.
00:11:11
>> Yeah.
00:11:12
>> Do you Is there anything you miss about
00:11:14
um like us working together like on a
00:11:17
radio show in front of the mics? Um,
00:11:19
that's a good question.
00:11:21
Um, I mean those were some great times.
00:11:25
It was fun. Like on the air we had like
00:11:27
these it was it was a cool dynamic. You
00:11:30
know, that was like if you have JJ Mike
00:11:32
and Dom or JJ Dom and Randall or whoever
00:11:35
we were working with at the time, that
00:11:36
person, that third person was usually
00:11:38
the anchor holding it all together. And
00:11:41
you were the you were the renegade, the
00:11:44
shock jock, the naughty boy, and I was
00:11:46
the voice of reason. And I was able to
00:11:49
like, you know, use that use that
00:11:52
dynamic that we have, the fact that we
00:11:54
were married and um that you and I have
00:11:58
kind of opposite personalities on the
00:12:00
radio.
00:12:02
It was just it was just fun to be able
00:12:03
to rein you in. And I don't know, we we
00:12:06
had we had lots of fun. We were able to
00:12:07
do things outside of our normal um you
00:12:11
know, what we'd do in normal life. The
00:12:13
radio was kind of like a a playground
00:12:15
for us. Yeah.
00:12:16
>> So, I enjoyed working with you.
00:12:17
>> Well, you it was um we were encouraged
00:12:20
to like push boundaries. I think now in
00:12:22
radio like you're encouraged not to push
00:12:23
boundaries cuz you don't want anyone to
00:12:26
say mean things about you on the
00:12:27
internet.
00:12:27
>> You're not even you're not even allowed
00:12:28
to have an opinion on radio anymore in
00:12:30
case someone disagrees with you.
00:12:31
>> This um we we had a client in Pod Lab um
00:12:34
a couple of days ago and she said, "Do
00:12:36
you remember me?" And I was like, I I
00:12:37
didn't remember her, but she said, "Um,
00:12:40
I did a a radio segment with you and JJ
00:12:42
a few years ago. I'm not going to say
00:12:44
this girl's name because she's she's got
00:12:46
like, you know, she's got a like a like
00:12:49
a massive massive job now, a massive
00:12:50
position and
00:12:51
>> unnecessary. Yeah.
00:12:52
>> This is um part of her life that I
00:12:54
suppose she looks back um kind of fondly
00:12:58
of, but also a little bit embarrassed
00:12:59
of.
00:13:00
>> She said she didn't mind it. She was all
00:13:01
for it at the time,
00:13:03
>> but she she came in and did a radio
00:13:04
segment. You can't remember this. Hey,
00:13:06
>> I can vaguely remember after she said
00:13:08
it,
00:13:08
>> but the it was some like blind dating
00:13:11
segment where she came in with a
00:13:12
blindfold on and there were five guys
00:13:15
there with blindfolds on. Uh she had to
00:13:17
kiss them all one by one like like a
00:13:20
proper like tongue and mouth kiss and
00:13:22
then decide which one out of number one
00:13:24
to number five was the best kisser and
00:13:26
then remove the blindfold and go out on
00:13:28
a date to see if they're compatible.
00:13:30
>> So it's like kiss first, ask questions
00:13:32
later. Um, this is so shocking. It
00:13:35
>> seems outrageous.
00:13:36
>> It does seem outrageous. It was so
00:13:37
normal back then.
00:13:41
>> I mean, people, you know, you ask for
00:13:42
volunteers to do these things and you're
00:13:44
never short of the volunteers. There's
00:13:46
always people willing to do it. It's
00:13:47
fun. It's edgy. It's a little bit,
00:13:49
you're giving permission, giving them
00:13:51
permission to do something they wouldn't
00:13:52
normally do, you know, in in a in a safe
00:13:55
zone where they could get away with it,
00:13:57
you know.
00:13:58
But it it struck me as being alarming
00:14:00
that and this is how you know you've
00:14:01
been doing the same job for too long
00:14:03
where I couldn't even like something
00:14:05
like that seems pretty big and I
00:14:07
couldn't even remember doing it cuz
00:14:09
we're doing stuff like that like 5 days
00:14:11
a week 48 weeks a year once you've been
00:14:13
doing it for like 20 years or whatever.
00:14:14
It's a lot of
00:14:16
>> it's a lot of outrageous content.
00:14:18
>> Yeah,
00:14:18
>> it is. So you put it all behind you now.
00:14:21
You're a serious businessman running a
00:14:23
podcast,
00:14:25
>> running a podcast company. Well, I'm
00:14:26
just doing I'm really just doing my
00:14:28
podcast, the Dom Harvey podcast. Um,
00:14:31
>> but you've got the studio business
00:14:32
together, Pod Lab.
00:14:33
>> Yeah.
00:14:34
>> Um, which Yeah. How do you find working
00:14:36
with me in this sort of sense?
00:14:38
>> Uh, it's really different to working
00:14:40
with you on the radio because on the
00:14:43
radio you were in charge. You you were
00:14:46
the, you know, everyone followed your
00:14:48
lead. You were the create really
00:14:49
creative one. If if you didn't like an
00:14:52
idea, then, you know, it was never going
00:14:55
to happen.
00:14:56
And so the dynamic has completely
00:14:59
changed now because it's more like
00:15:02
there's a lot more organization
00:15:05
um and admin and stuff like that that
00:15:08
that's required when you run a business.
00:15:09
So I guess I'm in charge now
00:15:12
>> and so
00:15:12
>> Oh well and truly
00:15:13
>> it's it's it's so different. And I I'm
00:15:17
I'm so grateful and I'm I'm so lucky,
00:15:19
but I also feel so um inadequate and
00:15:24
vulnerable as well. Like I I just feel
00:15:27
>> I I I feel some days I feel like it's
00:15:30
probably what it's like when you're an
00:15:31
adult and you can't read.
00:15:35
>> Okay.
00:15:36
>> Like seriously. And I don't know if it's
00:15:38
because it's like um something
00:15:40
undiagnosed I've got. By the way, I I
00:15:42
can read. It's not a literacy issue, but
00:15:44
there's just things that I just don't
00:15:45
understand that I should be able to
00:15:46
understand. Like, you filling in forms
00:15:49
or I don't I don't know. Like you you
00:15:51
you're like the admin queen. You keep
00:15:53
this place running. But it's like um if
00:15:56
I get more than like three emails that
00:15:58
require some action, I start getting
00:16:00
like stressed out.
00:16:01
>> Stress out.
00:16:01
>> But that's okay because I understand
00:16:03
that about you and so does everyone else
00:16:05
who works here. So here we like to just
00:16:07
play to our strengths. Everyone's
00:16:09
different, you know. We all have
00:16:10
strengths and weaknesses and we all
00:16:12
pretty much know what they are here.
00:16:14
We've got a small team of four. We know
00:16:16
what our strengths and weaknesses are.
00:16:17
So, we we support each other. Like you
00:16:20
you do what you're good at, I'll I'll do
00:16:22
what you're not good at and vice versa.
00:16:24
Like there's plenty of things you help
00:16:26
me out with.
00:16:27
>> Like what?
00:16:28
>> Um don't ask me right now.
00:16:30
>> This see this is what I'm worried about.
00:16:32
Like it's
00:16:32
>> you get lunch every day. That's so
00:16:34
great. And coffee. It's it it is it's a
00:16:37
it's a great little team and I love
00:16:39
turning up to work each day and um yeah
00:16:42
working with you and Jazz and Shana and
00:16:45
Jacob when he comes in as a parttime and
00:16:47
Matt as well. We we're building this
00:16:49
great little team.
00:16:49
>> We have lots of people on the side too.
00:16:51
Yeah.
00:16:51
>> I you you do so much for me. Um so I I
00:16:55
look for opportunities to add value to
00:16:57
your life and I just don't know where I
00:16:59
can.
00:16:59
>> Well, you know, please don't try so
00:17:01
hard. That's No. See, it's so funny.
00:17:04
Like if people come in here that don't
00:17:07
know us, they're meeting us for the
00:17:09
first time, they don't know know us for
00:17:10
the radio, they're surprised to see that
00:17:12
we are mar we are legally married, but
00:17:15
that that will change at some point. But
00:17:16
anyway,
00:17:17
>> I've got I've got the papers, the
00:17:18
divorce papers on my desk.
00:17:20
>> Yeah, they're surprised to know that we
00:17:22
were married and that we are exes
00:17:25
working together. Like what? How does
00:17:27
that even work?
00:17:29
>> But it's because I think we don't have
00:17:31
any animosity to each other. We support
00:17:33
each other. We know, like I said, the
00:17:36
the the the the strengths and
00:17:37
weaknesses. Um we just like give each
00:17:41
other space to be who we are without
00:17:45
trying to control the other person or
00:17:47
change the other person. And I think
00:17:48
that's important in a relationship and
00:17:50
also a working relationship. So the fact
00:17:53
that we used to be married to me, it
00:17:55
doesn't matter that we're working
00:17:56
together now because we work well
00:17:58
together.
00:17:59
>> We're a good team. you're really great
00:18:01
with the clients, you know, when it's I
00:18:03
don't know, you have great ideas and
00:18:06
>> even though you're not good at the admin
00:18:07
and stuff, it doesn't matter. There's
00:18:09
other things you can do and you come
00:18:10
into your own in plenty of other ways.
00:18:12
>> Well, I just try and be like reliable
00:18:14
and dependable and um I I do I do worry
00:18:17
about you cuz you like you you take a
00:18:19
lot on. You bite off more than what you
00:18:20
can chew and you get stressed. Um but we
00:18:23
don't Yeah, we just don't when you take
00:18:24
the relationship aspect out of it, you
00:18:26
just you don't really argue anymore
00:18:27
because that aspects aspect of it has
00:18:30
gone.
00:18:31
>> Well, we we didn't really argue anyway,
00:18:33
did we?
00:18:34
>> That's true. That's true. I I suppose
00:18:35
like robust discussions about work.
00:18:37
>> We do. Yeah, we do sometimes.
00:18:39
>> But it was always about work and um
00:18:41
yeah, like I think if you have like um
00:18:43
plates or buckets to represent different
00:18:45
areas of your life.
00:18:46
>> When we were married, it was probably
00:18:48
Yeah. the the the radio plate was like
00:18:51
over full with food.
00:18:52
>> Yeah.
00:18:52
>> And the others were sort of neglected.
00:18:54
There's that saying that the grass grows
00:18:56
where you water it.
00:18:57
>> Yeah, that's true.
00:18:58
>> And I I I mean, I suppose we both did,
00:19:00
but this is led by me. I think I didn't
00:19:02
take enough attention on the
00:19:04
relationship side of things.
00:19:05
>> No, don't blame yourself. Don't blame
00:19:06
yourself. We both had parts to play. And
00:19:09
that's the same in in any relationship.
00:19:10
And I just think like if you want to get
00:19:12
along with your ex after you've broken
00:19:14
up, you have to stop blaming them. like
00:19:17
you had a part to play as well. So look
00:19:20
at what you did as well. So don't just
00:19:24
people are so hurt that they want the
00:19:26
other person to hurt and they take it
00:19:28
out on them and that's not it's not nice
00:19:30
to not get along with someone. Wouldn't
00:19:32
you rather get along with your ex than
00:19:34
not? Especially if there's children
00:19:36
involved or a lot of money you have to
00:19:38
sort of sort out. Like it's better to
00:19:41
just see unless they did something
00:19:44
really horrible
00:19:47
just
00:19:49
>> you know I think that's the thing you
00:19:50
just have to like treat people treat
00:19:53
people with kindness and stop blaming
00:19:55
like take accountability as well for
00:19:57
your role in everything and then you can
00:19:59
all get along.
00:20:01
>> Yeah. Um a therapist said that to me
00:20:03
once and it was like a it was like an
00:20:04
aha sort of moment. It was like
00:20:06
>> oh my god I should be a therapist. the
00:20:07
the therapist was like in in any
00:20:09
situation you should ask yourself what
00:20:11
was my role in this.
00:20:12
>> Yeah. A lot of people don't do it.
00:20:14
They're all just like, "Oh, they did
00:20:15
this, they did this, they did that."
00:20:17
Blah, blah, blah. Woe is me. But it's
00:20:18
like, okay, stop for a second. You're
00:20:20
not perfect. Let's have a look at what
00:20:22
you've done.
00:20:24
>> And you really do have to look at
00:20:25
yourself and then have some empathy for
00:20:28
the other person as well.
00:20:29
>> Yeah.
00:20:29
>> And hope that they will reciprocate
00:20:31
that. Some people are difficult and
00:20:32
you're just never going to get through
00:20:33
to them and that's just let it go. But,
00:20:36
you know, there's some relationships
00:20:38
that can be worth saving.
00:20:39
>> M
00:20:41
when um you must still get infur um I
00:20:44
infuriate myself on a daily basis. When
00:20:49
do when when do you get infuriated with
00:20:51
me?
00:20:52
Oh,
00:20:52
>> it's just
00:20:56
Oh my god, this is such a funny
00:20:58
conversation. Um like usually just
00:21:01
you'll I just get frustrated with you
00:21:03
sometimes because
00:21:05
of you because you don't think things
00:21:08
through like I do and I think like
00:21:11
largely women have the superpower I
00:21:14
believe that men don't have and that we
00:21:17
honestly can think of all we look at the
00:21:20
big picture all the consequences of
00:21:22
something whereas men tend to and I am
00:21:24
generalizing of course but for the most
00:21:27
part you know you you see the thing and
00:21:29
you're just you're looking at it and
00:21:31
you're looking you're not looking at all
00:21:32
the problems that can evolve from it.
00:21:34
You're just looking at the thing. And I
00:21:36
think sometimes when you're just looking
00:21:37
at the thing and not looking at the
00:21:39
whole picture, I can get a little bit
00:21:40
frustrated with you. But for the most
00:21:42
part, I don't like, you know, when I'm
00:21:44
mad at you or frustrated with you,
00:21:46
everyone in the office would, but it
00:21:48
hardly happens.
00:21:49
>> Although Oh, yeah. It happens.
00:21:50
>> Just when you annoy me
00:21:51
>> literally um like maybe 10 15 minutes
00:21:54
before going in to do this podcast now,
00:21:56
you snap. What did you snap at me about?
00:21:57
You just have to be a mess.
00:21:58
>> No, because Okay, here's the thing about
00:22:00
me. I am so busy and I have a million
00:22:02
things going on
00:22:04
and so you're like just adding more
00:22:06
things to my plate.
00:22:07
>> What about Oh, something about the
00:22:10
taking the dog to the vet.
00:22:12
>> Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. You want me to
00:22:13
reschedle?
00:22:14
>> Why are we sharing all this boring stuff
00:22:15
with everyone? Okay. So, the dog has to
00:22:18
go to the vet at 9:00 on Thursday. This
00:22:20
is a This is an example of how me and
00:22:22
Dom work. So, I would have taken Dom the
00:22:25
dog to the vet on Thursday morning at
00:22:26
9:00 a.m., but I have a meeting at 9:30.
00:22:31
So, I put it in Don's diary and I said
00:22:34
to you, "You've got to take the vet the
00:22:35
dog to the vet on Thursday morning at
00:22:37
9:00." Yes, you accepted the diary
00:22:39
request.
00:22:41
You said, "Yes, it's all good." And then
00:22:43
today, you tell me two days beforehand.
00:22:45
Oh, no. You've got a meeting at 9:00
00:22:46
now.
00:22:48
>> So, it's like, well, it was in your
00:22:49
diary and you said no, but I I need to
00:22:51
write things down. Well, you accepted
00:22:54
the diary invite electronically, then
00:22:56
it's up to you to write it down, isn't
00:22:59
it? Why is it up to me to also do that
00:23:03
for you?
00:23:04
>> Do you see where I get frustrated?
00:23:05
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:06
>> Yeah. But look, I understand that's what
00:23:08
you like. So, it's just Dom. That's why
00:23:10
I say it's just Dom.
00:23:12
>> But,
00:23:12
>> no, but I I don't want to be excused.
00:23:14
Like, I I I don't want to be, oh, it's
00:23:16
just Dom. Like I I want to be reliable
00:23:19
and dependable, but I I struggle with
00:23:21
technology and I feel myself getting
00:23:23
left behind.
00:23:25
>> No, just focus on what you are good at.
00:23:28
>> Yeah. I mean, it's I like working with
00:23:31
you. I'm comfortable with you. I know
00:23:33
you so well. You know me so well. The
00:23:35
thing is I feel like I can be so honest
00:23:36
with you and I don't have to lie or say
00:23:39
anything to like avoid hurting your
00:23:41
feelings or whatever. And I think that's
00:23:42
the most important thing. If there's a
00:23:44
lot of people you can't be completely
00:23:46
honest with because you know they'll get
00:23:47
upset if they're sensitive or they
00:23:49
they're going to bite back at you or
00:23:50
whatever. So you just Yeah. So you just
00:23:52
don't say anything which is stupid.
00:23:54
Things don't get said then things don't
00:23:56
get resolved. Things don't get sorted
00:23:57
out. But with you I can be honest with
00:23:59
you, you can be honest with me and we'll
00:24:01
just sort out whatever the issue is.
00:24:03
>> Yeah. In terms of with this is how I
00:24:06
feel towards you and I hope it's the
00:24:07
same way. um like I I can ask you
00:24:10
something like an opinion on something
00:24:12
and I know it's going to be like an
00:24:14
answer completely from the right place
00:24:16
and there's no sort of bias or no
00:24:18
agenda.
00:24:19
>> Um
00:24:21
>> yeah. Um my my my partner Ash, by the
00:24:26
way, this is a big part of being friends
00:24:27
with your ex. Like any new partners need
00:24:29
to be on board with it.
00:24:31
>> Yeah. Otherwise, it's not going to work.
00:24:33
>> Um but I I explained it to to her once.
00:24:36
um like she's really close with her
00:24:38
family. She's got a great family. Like
00:24:40
they're on a family WhatsApp group. Um
00:24:43
some days she'll talk to her like mom or
00:24:44
dad like four or five times really.
00:24:46
>> Whereas like I I think last Sunday she
00:24:49
probably spoke to her dad more than what
00:24:51
I've spoken to my dad in the past year.
00:24:55
>> Um I I said to her I was explaining our
00:24:57
relationship one day and I'm like look
00:24:58
I'm from a broken family. JJ's from a
00:25:00
broken family. like we we you you get on
00:25:04
great with your mom and and your
00:25:05
siblings and I get on great with mine,
00:25:07
but we're a very fractured family. So,
00:25:10
you feel quite independent in that
00:25:12
respect.
00:25:13
>> Yeah.
00:25:13
>> And I said, um JJ and I are like family
00:25:15
for each other whether we're married or
00:25:17
not. We just we just are. And I said,
00:25:19
another thing, it's like you've got your
00:25:21
parents as a backs stop. Like if if you
00:25:23
if you lose your job and you've got no
00:25:25
money, your mom or dad are going to be
00:25:27
there to scoop you up. And I said, JJ
00:25:29
and her family is that person and I'm
00:25:31
that person in my family. There is no
00:25:33
there's no backs stop. What?
00:25:36
>> It's the onions.
00:25:40
It's the onions. You're so right. You're
00:25:42
so right. That's That's true.
00:25:45
>> And
00:25:46
>> we're family.
00:25:48
>> And I I suppose in like in that regard,
00:25:50
I said to her, you know, um my first
00:25:52
year of doing the podcast, I think I
00:25:54
made about 25,000 to $30,000. And I
00:25:56
said, so I was sort of relying on JJ
00:25:58
about that. Yeah. So like, you know, we
00:26:01
we're just regardless of the dynamic of
00:26:03
the relationship, like we're there for
00:26:05
each other. And it's hard for other
00:26:06
people to understand, but it's like
00:26:08
>> you bought your mom a house. I bought my
00:26:09
my mom a house. If anyone in the family
00:26:12
needs money, like they they'll come to
00:26:14
me. If anyone in your family needs
00:26:15
money, they come they come to you.
00:26:17
>> I get stuff now cuz I' i've got none.
00:26:20
>> Yeah.
00:26:20
>> It's all gone.
00:26:21
>> But it's Yeah, it is. It's it can be
00:26:23
difficult for other people to
00:26:24
understand. But um go on.
00:26:26
>> Well, we still have like Christmases
00:26:27
together and everything. Your mom, my
00:26:29
mom, my brothers, your no your siblings
00:26:31
are all over the place. Not not
00:26:33
necessarily. Your partner,
00:26:35
>> you know, my partner, we are family and
00:26:37
like why would we want to we don't want
00:26:39
to lose that.
00:26:41
>> So that's the hard thing about breaking
00:26:42
up a relationship in particular, a
00:26:44
marriage. Like there's more than just
00:26:46
the the partner that you lose. There's
00:26:48
their whole family often. So why why
00:26:52
does it have to be that way? Why can't
00:26:55
you still all get along and still be
00:26:57
friends because you loved each other,
00:27:00
you know? So, um yeah.
00:27:02
>> Also, what works what works for someone
00:27:04
else or what is um conventional is not
00:27:07
necessarily right for other people as
00:27:09
well. I don't necessarily expect other
00:27:11
people to understand. They don't they
00:27:12
don't even have to understand. It's no
00:27:14
one else's life.
00:27:15
>> Um but I'm I am thankful that I've I've
00:27:17
got a good partner. It just gets
00:27:18
difficult when she's she gets people in
00:27:21
her ear or DMing her.
00:27:24
>> Yeah. Like, what are you doing while
00:27:25
he's got still hangs out with his ex?
00:27:27
Like, yeah, it's not actually your
00:27:29
business, so stop stop putting those bad
00:27:32
vibes in her mind,
00:27:34
>> but she's actually fine with it. She
00:27:36
understands.
00:27:37
>> Same as my partner. My partner loves
00:27:38
you. He's like, he's always like, I love
00:27:41
Dom. Just out of the blue, he'll say it
00:27:43
all the time. I'm like, okay. Well, he's
00:27:45
he he's Algerian and a strict Muslim, so
00:27:47
we definitely know it's not in a gay
00:27:48
way.
00:27:53
>> Yeah.
00:27:54
>> Don't you get your hands chopped off
00:27:56
over there for that?
00:27:57
>> Oh, you definitely
00:27:59
Unfortunately, it's not not a good place
00:28:01
to be gay. Algeria. No, but yeah.
00:28:03
>> So, I put a story up on Instagram saying
00:28:05
you're coming in for a bonus episode of
00:28:06
the Dom Harvey podcast all about um bust
00:28:09
up on Neon and X's working together
00:28:11
>> and there's some uh questions from the
00:28:13
people. All right.
00:28:14
>> Things the people want to know.
00:28:16
>> Okay.
00:28:18
>> Uh, how do you handle new partners
00:28:21
entering the family dynamic?
00:28:23
>> Right. We sort of answered that. Like
00:28:27
basically, it's like if you've got kids
00:28:29
or you've got dogs or cats or whatever,
00:28:32
your new partner has to accept the kids
00:28:34
and the dog with the cat or the
00:28:35
relationship ain't going to work out.
00:28:37
For us, it's you've got to accept that
00:28:39
my ex is in my life,
00:28:42
isn't it? cuz you had a previous
00:28:44
girlfriend who didn't like that you that
00:28:45
you were friends with me even though I
00:28:47
am no threat to the relationship. I
00:28:50
fully supported the relationship. She
00:28:52
didn't like that. So, it was too much
00:28:54
for her. Right.
00:28:55
>> No, I think she was driving in her car
00:28:57
one day. This is my ex. And um heard you
00:28:59
saying something about me and then she
00:29:01
called me and she Yeah. What did I say?
00:29:03
>> On the radio.
00:29:04
>> On the radio. Yeah. When you're at FM
00:29:06
>> and she was like, "You you need to sort
00:29:08
your ex-wife out. She's a C word." What?
00:29:15
>> What could I possibly see to make her
00:29:17
say that?
00:29:18
>> Um,
00:29:19
>> wow. I'm glad she's gone.
00:29:20
>> What's the most classic JJ thing uh Dom
00:29:24
still rolls his eyes at? H
00:29:27
>> Oh,
00:29:30
what's the most classic JJ thing that
00:29:32
Dom still rolls his eyes at? Oh,
00:29:34
probably how you just you like you get
00:29:36
very stressed very easily. Like your
00:29:38
phone will ring and you'll be like,
00:29:40
"Hey, what's up?" Oh my god. What? No
00:29:44
way.
00:29:46
Hang on. Leave it with me. Leave it with
00:29:47
me. Okay. Like, leave it with me. Leave
00:29:49
it with me. And then I'll be like,
00:29:51
"What's that? What's up? What's going
00:29:52
on? What's going on?" And you'll be
00:29:54
like, "Oh, no. It's okay. Um, yeah, mom
00:29:57
just needs um me to transfer some money
00:29:58
to help with her parking."
00:30:02
Like, I don't know. That's a bad
00:30:03
example.
00:30:04
>> I think I think out loud.
00:30:05
>> Yeah. But but everything everything goes
00:30:08
to level 10 emergency with you on the
00:30:10
phone.
00:30:13
>> I can't help it. Okay. I'm a very
00:30:14
emotive person like that. Like you know.
00:30:17
Okay.
00:30:18
>> Hello.
00:30:20
Oh my god. You're kidding me.
00:30:22
Oh my god. Oh my god. What are you going
00:30:24
to do? You going to call the police?
00:30:25
You've got to call the police. You got
00:30:26
to call. Okay. Okay. Bye. And they were
00:30:28
like, "What was that?" She's my brother
00:30:30
Paul. He can't find his blue sock. Oh,
00:30:33
shut up.
00:30:36
>> Are there any questions for you on that?
00:30:38
>> So, that was um
00:30:39
>> what's the most classic JJ thing Dom
00:30:41
Roses? Oh, I know. I don't roll my eyes
00:30:43
at this, but I I do I do worry about
00:30:45
this. You you um you do take a lot on
00:30:49
and you get stressed and you get burnt
00:30:50
out and I know a lot of that and and I I
00:30:52
carry a huge amount of guilt about that
00:30:54
because we're in business together and
00:30:56
it's like you're doing more than your
00:30:57
share of the load. But um I do worry
00:31:00
about your um hatred or reluctance to do
00:31:04
any sort of exercise.
00:31:05
>> Oh, just because you you are an exercise
00:31:07
bully.
00:31:09
>> No, I'm I'm worried about
00:31:10
>> you love running all the time and you
00:31:11
can't understand why no one else does.
00:31:13
>> No, but I don't want you to get unwell.
00:31:15
>> Oh, that's really cute. I'm too busy to
00:31:18
exercise. Okay. It is not in my DNA. I
00:31:21
was never brought up on it. It's just
00:31:23
not a thing that anyone that I know in
00:31:25
my family does. So, it's not something
00:31:28
I've ever had in my life. So, as an
00:31:32
adult, I find it really hard to start
00:31:34
this thing, which I've never really
00:31:35
done.
00:31:36
>> Like, I'm I if I go if I go on my little
00:31:40
2minut um excited I'm going to start
00:31:42
running, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm
00:31:43
going to do this, I'm going to go to
00:31:44
Pilates or whatever, it doesn't last
00:31:46
long, few weeks, and then I'm bored. The
00:31:48
whole time I'm there, I'm stressed about
00:31:50
all the things I've got to do. Like, oh
00:31:53
my god, I've got to leave here cuz I've
00:31:54
got this to this and that. So for me,
00:31:56
I've just got too much going on. I am
00:31:59
too busy to exercise. And for me,
00:32:01
exercise is a low priority because I
00:32:03
hate being hot. I hate being in pain. So
00:32:06
I'd rather just be doing admin. But
00:32:09
>> this is probably selfish on my part, but
00:32:11
I I just can't have you dying. How will
00:32:12
I access any of my passwords?
00:32:14
>> Oh, is that what this is about? I knew
00:32:16
it. I knew it.
00:32:17
>> How will I get anything done?
00:32:19
>> I've left you some very clear
00:32:20
instructions.
00:32:22
Uh,
00:32:23
>> it's in a it's in a a vault in a bank.
00:32:25
You just have to get the key.
00:32:27
>> Oh my god. Oh, JJ will know where the
00:32:29
key is. Oh no, that's right. She died
00:32:31
cuz she didn't do any exercise.
00:32:33
>> Oh my god.
00:32:34
>> Um, what's the most um classic Dom thing
00:32:37
JJ still deals with.
00:32:40
>> You
00:32:41
>> probably my chaos.
00:32:42
>> Oh, your chaos. Your dad jokes.
00:32:45
>> No, I mean the chaos as in just not
00:32:47
knowing how to do anything.
00:32:49
>> Yeah, the chaos. The dad jokes.
00:32:50
>> Okay. You tease people, you wind people
00:32:53
up, and you love it. Like, you get you
00:32:55
get such a a thrill out of winding
00:32:57
people up. You do it to Shana at work.
00:33:00
She sits next to you and you like
00:33:02
teasing her. Like, it's not it's not
00:33:04
mean teasing. It's just It's just like
00:33:06
It's like It's like siblings. It's like
00:33:08
siblings. The way you sort of
00:33:10
>> taunt your siblings when you're growing
00:33:12
up. It's like that. You like to just
00:33:14
like
00:33:15
>> I don't know get a rise out of people. I
00:33:17
think that's what that entertains you. I
00:33:20
I think roasting is my love language.
00:33:21
>> Is that what it is?
00:33:22
>> Yeah. I I had this chat a couple of
00:33:24
years ago with um one of my best
00:33:25
friends. He he got really upset with me
00:33:26
one night. He goes, "It's really
00:33:28
difficult to be your friends sometime."
00:33:29
And I was like, we we' just been joking.
00:33:32
I thought we were just bantering, but
00:33:33
>> Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I think I took it too
00:33:36
far.
00:33:36
>> So, since then, I've just been really on
00:33:38
the group chat. I've just been really
00:33:39
supportive and encouraging and it just
00:33:42
But suddenly this group chat I'm on, it
00:33:44
feels like a LinkedIn post now.
00:33:47
like it's just
00:33:48
>> every friend you had is very sensitive.
00:33:50
So, you have to remember like your
00:33:51
audience,
00:33:53
>> you know.
00:33:55
>> Um, what part of your relationship are
00:33:57
you most grateful for?
00:34:01
>> Well,
00:34:03
there's not many people that can say
00:34:04
they have a lifelong best friend out of
00:34:07
their ex.
00:34:10
So, you're very supportive
00:34:12
and very caring and thoughtful
00:34:16
and sweet. You're like that with all
00:34:19
your friends. You're like that with me.
00:34:22
And that's actually it's it's not it's
00:34:25
not easy to come by.
00:34:28
>> Yeah. I know I can trust and rely on you
00:34:30
100%.
00:34:32
>> Oh, that's good. That's huge. Thank you.
00:34:34
And I feel the same way. It's like I was
00:34:36
saying before, like if I ask you a
00:34:37
question, I know it's going to be um
00:34:40
like a completely honest answer and from
00:34:43
a genuine place where there's like no
00:34:45
agenda,
00:34:46
>> nothing hidden,
00:34:48
>> you know. And for like a lot of people
00:34:51
listening to this, like say my partner
00:34:53
Ash with her relationship with her
00:34:54
family, they might find it find it like
00:34:56
a weird thing because they've already
00:34:57
got it. But yeah, I don't know. We've
00:34:59
got that with with each other.
00:35:01
>> I'm not saying I don't have that with my
00:35:02
family. I do, but we're just not like
00:35:04
close close.
00:35:05
>> Yeah.
00:35:06
>> Because it's a fractured family, so
00:35:08
>> you don't feel like you have that sort
00:35:09
of relationship with them. I think I've
00:35:11
been quite quite independent
00:35:12
>> from quite a young age as you you are.
00:35:14
So, I think that's probably what drew us
00:35:16
together. Maybe.
00:35:17
>> Yeah, maybe.
00:35:19
>> Um, do you think you understand each
00:35:21
other better now than when you were
00:35:22
married?
00:35:25
>> Probably because you just know more
00:35:27
about each other every year, don't you?
00:35:29
like the longer you know someone the
00:35:31
more you
00:35:32
>> and also you you've gone through
00:35:34
different things since when we were
00:35:36
married. So I see you I've seen all
00:35:39
these things that you've gone through
00:35:41
and how you've dealt with them and how
00:35:43
you've come out the other side.
00:35:46
>> Yeah. Also I think when you're in a
00:35:47
marriage you're in like the the eye of
00:35:51
>> No, the eye of really bad. Um but but
00:35:55
with then when you're not married
00:35:56
anymore, you have like a more sort of
00:35:58
drone eye view
00:35:59
>> and you can see things from a different
00:36:00
perspective.
00:36:01
>> Yeah.
00:36:01
>> Um uh no, it's good. I like where things
00:36:04
are now and I love getting to work
00:36:06
together each day. It's cool.
00:36:07
>> Um
00:36:08
>> I just miss our house with the pool
00:36:12
>> and the spa pool as well.
00:36:13
>> Oh, those are good times. I can't afford
00:36:15
that now cuz when you break up, you've
00:36:17
got to sell the house to buy two smaller
00:36:18
places.
00:36:20
So that was a bit sad saying goodbye to
00:36:23
that.
00:36:24
Um, but how can I be sad about not being
00:36:28
with you anymore when I see you every
00:36:29
day?
00:36:31
>> You know, we never we we it's like we
00:36:33
never broke up, but we did. Like, you
00:36:35
know, I see you all the time. So, we we
00:36:38
have that relationship where we just
00:36:40
like you said, we're family. We're here
00:36:42
for each other all all the time. And I
00:36:44
wish that all exes could have that. And
00:36:48
I hope that a lot of people who do end
00:36:50
up breaking up for whatever reason are
00:36:52
able to,
00:36:54
you know,
00:36:56
at least walk away amicably so that you
00:36:59
know it's not awkward if you have to see
00:37:01
each other, bump into each other or like
00:37:03
on the TV show Bust Up, your ex comes
00:37:05
and works with you
00:37:07
>> accidentally.
00:37:09
>> Yeah. If you think of a like a a
00:37:11
long-term relationship breakup as like a
00:37:13
natural disaster, you go back in the
00:37:15
house and you salvage what you can. So,
00:37:17
anything that's still good, you save it.
00:37:18
And I suppose that's what we did. Like,
00:37:20
we tried to And I think we've done that
00:37:22
pretty well. Um, yeah, we saved what was
00:37:25
good about the relationship.
00:37:27
>> Yeah. Um, so Jazz, who's pressing the
00:37:29
buttons at the moment, has put a
00:37:31
question up she'd like us to answer.
00:37:32
What's your favorite thing about each
00:37:34
other?
00:37:36
>> Did we not answer that already, Jazz?
00:37:39
I said, "I love how Dom is loyal,
00:37:41
caring, thoughtful, supportive,
00:37:46
>> reliable,
00:37:48
all of those things."
00:37:50
>> I'd say I'd say, "Yeah,
00:37:51
>> you're also really tall, which is good
00:37:52
when I need to get things off shelves."
00:37:55
>> Yeah. My answer would be the this the
00:37:57
same for you. Like I know I can always
00:37:58
depend on you. Um sometimes like Ash
00:38:01
will get upset because I'll use you as
00:38:03
my e I shouldn't be saying this.
00:38:06
>> Oh no. Oh, you you've said it now. You
00:38:08
used me as your emergency contact.
00:38:12
>> Emergency contact. But I'm like, I just
00:38:16
don't take this the wrong way, but I
00:38:18
just can't 100% be certain you're going
00:38:21
to answer your phone if it's an unknown
00:38:23
number.
00:38:25
>> Oh, no.
00:38:27
>> I'll answer it. You don't answer your
00:38:30
phone if it's an unknown number.
00:38:31
>> No. No. Since we since we've been in
00:38:32
business, I have done I had to get over
00:38:34
my fear of answering unknown numbers.
00:38:36
>> Who are you trying to avoid all this
00:38:38
time?
00:38:39
>> Mainly journalists from the New Zealand
00:38:40
Herald.
00:38:43
>> Yeah. All right. Well, okay. Well, that
00:38:46
was good. Um, so what can we conclude
00:38:49
there about X's working together?
00:38:51
>> Um,
00:38:53
it's definitely not for everyone.
00:38:56
Um, yeah, it's quite funny in terms of
00:38:58
radio duos. So, there was us, um, Polly
00:39:00
and Grant on ZM.
00:39:01
>> Yeah.
00:39:02
>> And also on on Radio Live for a while,
00:39:04
um, Karen Haye and Andrew Fagen.
00:39:07
>> Oh, yeah.
00:39:08
>> And I don't think any of those couples
00:39:09
are together anymore.
00:39:11
>> That's true. Neither are we.
00:39:13
>> There's three from three in terms of
00:39:14
breaking up.
00:39:15
>> Oh, I mean, we what? We spent a couple
00:39:18
of decades together.
00:39:19
>> Yeah.
00:39:19
>> It's a massive innings.
00:39:21
>> Yeah. It's It's funny like um Yeah. Do
00:39:23
you call It's strange with Mar like do
00:39:26
you call that a success or a failure?
00:39:27
Cuz it's like when when you get married,
00:39:29
the idea is till death do us part.
00:39:31
>> So anything less than that
00:39:33
>> is
00:39:34
>> feels like a failure. Yeah. But it's
00:39:35
such a stupid line anyway. It's so out
00:39:37
of date like it should be until the
00:39:39
relationship runs its course because how
00:39:41
does anyone know what it's like to be
00:39:42
with someone for 70 or 80 years? Nobody
00:39:45
does. We haven't we've never done it. So
00:39:47
you only you only know what you've what
00:39:49
you've already experienced in life so
00:39:51
far. So to imagine that you could be
00:39:53
with someone until you die sounds really
00:39:54
romantic and sounds like such a great
00:39:56
idea. But everyone changes. You change
00:39:58
as a person. Everyone evolves over every
00:40:01
10 years. You look at every 10 years of
00:40:03
your life so far and how different you
00:40:05
were each 10 years. At 10 years, 20
00:40:07
years, when you're 30, when you're 40,
00:40:09
when you're 50, you're a different
00:40:10
person. So, how can you really like
00:40:14
stick to that promise that you'll love
00:40:16
someone eternally till the end of time
00:40:18
when you're both going to be changing as
00:40:20
people
00:40:21
>> and there's going to be all these
00:40:22
different outside influences. So I think
00:40:25
like if you can get to 10 years, 20
00:40:27
years,
00:40:28
>> you've done so well. That's amazing.
00:40:30
Great innings. And if you can have
00:40:31
respect for each other at the end of it,
00:40:33
then that's even better.
00:40:35
>> 100%.
00:40:36
>> Do you think you two would work well as
00:40:38
a cop duo?
00:40:40
>> I think I'd be good cop. I'd be good cop
00:40:42
because you you you're already like a
00:40:45
cop that's been working for too long and
00:40:47
you've lost trust in humanity. Like you
00:40:50
just immediately assume everyone's
00:40:51
guilty or up to something.
00:40:54
I
00:40:55
>> don't you you do
00:40:56
>> no I don't trust criminals at all
00:40:59
because hardly any of them are ever
00:41:01
honest. Um look I as a cop I'm I'm quite
00:41:06
empathetic though. You can you can get
00:41:08
me feeling sorry for you and sad for
00:41:10
you. Um I respect people who at least
00:41:13
put in effort and try and don't [ __ ]
00:41:15
you.
00:41:15
>> So but I think yeah if we were a duo I'd
00:41:18
definitely be the bad cop.
00:41:20
>> You'd be the good cop. Then as a parent,
00:41:22
I was a bit soft, wasn't I? So
00:41:27
maybe I'd be like that as a cop, too.
00:41:28
Who knows?
00:41:28
>> Oh, that's true.
00:41:29
>> That's true.
00:41:30
>> Thank you. Yeah, you said I was too
00:41:31
soft.
00:41:33
>> So maybe maybe you're the bad cop and
00:41:36
I'm the good cop.
00:41:37
>> Well, I guess we'll never know. Well,
00:41:38
thank you for coming on my podcast today
00:41:40
for this very special bonus bust up
00:41:43
episode sponsored by Neon.
00:41:45
>> Yeah, everyone get Neon. It's had a glow
00:41:47
up. Uh there's heaps of great shows on
00:41:49
there, lots of movies as well. Um, and
00:41:51
including bust up with Moana O'Reilly
00:41:53
and Roy Mart. It's really good. Lots of
00:41:56
Kiwi actors in there. Scenery is
00:41:58
absolutely stunning. It's so gorgeous.
00:42:02
Makes me proud to be a New Zealander.
00:42:04
>> And you make me proud to be a New
00:42:06
Zealander. JJ, thanks for being a guest
00:42:08
on my podcast. Now get the [ __ ] out of
00:42:10
here. later.
