00:00:00
I know this affects pretty much every
00:00:03
New
00:00:04
Zealander my mother had lung cancer in
00:00:07
2020 so to still have her here alive
00:00:10
today and on the sidelines of my netball
00:00:12
games it's something that I'll forever
00:00:14
treasure the symbol of the deodal is
00:00:17
very similar to how I feel about the
00:00:19
silver Fern by buying one deodal you're
00:00:22
wrapping your arms around a whole
00:00:24
Community a whole Faro and offering to
00:00:26
help yeah so many people
00:00:34
[Music]
00:00:57
Jackie Robertson welcome to my podcast
00:00:59
thank you
00:01:01
wow what a journey so we're recording
00:01:04
this um in between chemo weeks y yeah I
00:01:08
have um chemo every second week I go in
00:01:11
on a Wednesday and they put the first
00:01:12
light through an IV and then I'm in
00:01:15
there about 2 hours and then I wear a
00:01:17
little it looks like a baby bottle or wi
00:01:20
up cuz it's got a port here it's where
00:01:21
it goes in here so it's permanently like
00:01:24
a little area there or wide up for
00:01:26
another 46 hours with just a slow relas
00:01:30
chemo so yeah every two weeks yeah we'll
00:01:33
get into um all of that and what chemo
00:01:36
means exactly cuz you've been really
00:01:38
good at sharing the stuff on Instagram
00:01:39
and it's um uh I think it's quite good
00:01:42
at demystifying things like it's quite
00:01:43
different from what we see in the movies
00:01:45
yeah um maybe the movies are how chemo
00:01:48
was in the 80s or '90s um but it feels
00:01:50
like it's come a long way but yeah first
00:01:51
of all take us back to late October 2023
00:01:54
so you R you run a marathon a couple of
00:01:56
weeks before that um you're going for a
00:01:58
blood test crazy Runner yeah when I
00:02:00
always do routine Bloods cuz I don't
00:02:01
have a thyroid and when you exercise
00:02:04
that much and I just think anyone should
00:02:06
have yearly Bloods it's just a
00:02:07
no-brainer you know go to the doctor get
00:02:09
y hi Kanye here he is it's probably a
00:02:13
good time for the dog to arrive just
00:02:14
before we get into the heavy stuff hello
00:02:17
hello yes okay so you weren't you
00:02:19
weren't feeling unwell or anything it
00:02:21
was just a I was angry cuz I it was a
00:02:23
hawk Bay and I only did a half at that
00:02:25
day because I was like oh it's a bit
00:02:27
boring the Hawks Bay one it's all Flash
00:02:28
and I do like I love the road R Marathon
00:02:30
I love going around that Lake um and I
00:02:33
thought I'll do the half and I had my
00:02:34
time and I wanted to beat my PB and I
00:02:36
was a minute 50 off and I was really
00:02:38
angry I was so angry with myself and but
00:02:41
I'd train I was doing 80k a week I was
00:02:43
doing three gym sessions as well I was I
00:02:45
and I'd put it down to I
00:02:47
overtrained and I didn't recover as
00:02:50
quick as I normal did but I just thought
00:02:52
overtraining so I went and I actually
00:02:54
cuz my doctor I get on really well so
00:02:56
she's incredible and I I sent her a
00:02:58
message going I need a vitamin B12
00:02:59
confusion I say this every year to her
00:03:01
and she goes well you do for your Bloods
00:03:03
come in so I went in and she goes I'm
00:03:05
not doing it we do your Bloods full
00:03:06
Bloods and then she got them back and
00:03:09
she's like yeah your your liver mzy are
00:03:12
high and I was like oh what does that
00:03:14
mean she goes I don't know we'll just
00:03:16
let's test more for hepatitis and I was
00:03:17
thinking oh [ __ ] hepatitis and I'm like
00:03:20
why couldn't have have been hepatitis um
00:03:23
so yeah we did a full bloods in that
00:03:25
came back negative and to be honest I
00:03:27
I've s this to her when I've seen her
00:03:29
and she hates saying I owe her my life
00:03:31
cuz she didn't settle for that she could
00:03:34
have said let's wait 3 months and see if
00:03:35
it's settled you know ease off your
00:03:37
training um but she said no I want to
00:03:40
scan let's go in for an ultrasound the
00:03:42
rest of my Bloods were fine everything
00:03:44
else it was just my
00:03:45
liver God he's
00:03:47
cute um and she sent me in for an
00:03:51
ultrasound and then rang Me 2 hours
00:03:53
later said I need you to come in so I
00:03:55
rang mom and I was like panicked cuz I
00:03:58
was like holy [ __ ] and Mom's like we
00:04:01
know something's up with your lover cuz
00:04:02
you had love some so we went in and she
00:04:05
was you know cleared my doctor was
00:04:07
talking to me and I I said to a she
00:04:09
showed me the scan and I've actually got
00:04:11
photos of I can show you um it was a
00:04:14
mess my my lover you just saw these dark
00:04:17
spots every no the light spots on the
00:04:19
ultrasound I think and I said what's
00:04:21
that and she goes she goes you got
00:04:23
fluffies there and I'm like well what a
00:04:24
fluffies and she's like it looks like
00:04:27
chers and I said is this cancer and she
00:04:29
goes
00:04:30
it looks like cancer but let's send you
00:04:33
to a specialist and then within oh a
00:04:35
week I was in it a specialist and then
00:04:37
they wanted to do a biopsy on the basic
00:04:40
they did a CT scan and then they wanted
00:04:43
to do a biopsy on the biggest tumor the
00:04:45
biggest tumor and my love is 10 cm so it
00:04:48
was big oh that's massive it was big so
00:04:50
so when you when you so this is just
00:04:51
like your local GP yep so when she says
00:04:54
it could be cancer it looks like cancer
00:04:57
what then does it feel like you're about
00:04:58
to faint does St in denial cuz I don't
00:05:01
have a thyroid and of course Dr Google
00:05:03
I'd been on Google and it said you can
00:05:05
get these like tumors in your lever from
00:05:09
thyroid cuz I was taking too I had too
00:05:11
much thyroxine and I just thought maybe
00:05:12
it's that you know you just think nah
00:05:14
cuz Mom's had cancer twice I'm thinking
00:05:16
no you know we've had our year and I had
00:05:18
you know our family's got a lot of
00:05:20
cancer in it yeah and but also if if
00:05:22
you're incredibly F and healthy healthy
00:05:24
yeah and yeah like I just finished
00:05:26
running I was running I was doing you
00:05:28
know exercise you know like my liver for
00:05:31
instance I've never smoked never done
00:05:33
drugs very rarely drink you I'm so
00:05:35
bloody clean I squeak and I think how
00:05:37
can my liver be wrong how can it be have
00:05:41
all these issues so I was a weeber and
00:05:44
denial long went in for a biopsy mom
00:05:46
came in with me and they did this
00:05:47
monster needle and they put it in and
00:05:50
took tissue out from the um biggest
00:05:52
tumor and then I just thought right GE
00:05:54
it it'll take you know was it about a
00:05:56
week he said yeah I um yeah when Went to
00:06:00
went back just went on life as normal
00:06:02
and then I was at work one day and got a
00:06:04
phone call and it was my specialist and
00:06:06
he's like oh can you talk and I thought
00:06:08
it's not cancer cuz he would asked me to
00:06:10
come in and I said yeah I'll just go
00:06:11
outside so I walk outside my office and
00:06:13
I was working at Shu International then
00:06:15
and um walked outside and he goes oh
00:06:18
I've actually got Co so I can't bring
00:06:19
you into the office and I just thought
00:06:22
oh
00:06:22
[ __ ] and he said okay it's come back and
00:06:26
I actually thought then it's liver
00:06:27
cancer and then he said
00:06:30
um the biopsy has shown it's colon
00:06:33
cancer so Bell cancer that has spread to
00:06:35
the liver and because of Mom I knew once
00:06:38
did spr you're at stage four and I just
00:06:40
I I collapsed You Know You See It On
00:06:42
movies people's legs give away it's
00:06:44
never happened to me I collapsed on the
00:06:46
ground and I everything was spinning and
00:06:48
I actually pulled my phone I text my
00:06:50
amazing workmate I said outside now or
00:06:52
some gibberish and she come running out
00:06:55
and her husband had gone through colon
00:06:57
cancer so she took over the phone call
00:07:00
and that's how I found out outside on my
00:07:02
own and wow yeah so what does what does
00:07:06
stage for mean means it has spread to
00:07:09
distant Parts okay like the crazy thing
00:07:12
is that I had no symptoms like but now I
00:07:15
look back and I think was that a symptom
00:07:17
like I woke up a few times at night and
00:07:19
I was sweating but I'm getting to that
00:07:22
age yeah and I thought it was that and
00:07:26
you know like you know there's a total
00:07:28
overseer here but you understand stand
00:07:29
being a runner like big run sometimes
00:07:31
I'd have to do a Sprint to the toilet
00:07:33
but I just put that down into runner's
00:07:35
stomach maybe it wasn't but there were
00:07:37
no classical signs and even my diet and
00:07:40
everything is not one that is risk and
00:07:43
and colon cancer Bell cancer was always
00:07:45
sort of I hate saying an old man's
00:07:47
cancer not anymore so the because I've
00:07:50
had um Alex pler the basketball player
00:07:53
on the podcast and also Dean Barker um
00:07:56
they both they both got to the point
00:07:58
where there was a lot of blood
00:08:00
stff were you I I did have bleeding but
00:08:04
I had a big baby so I had a reason I had
00:08:07
two special say you've got hemorrhoids
00:08:09
so that's what mine was put down to and
00:08:11
it was you know total overshare it was
00:08:14
visible that's what it was but yeah but
00:08:17
the oversharing thing it's not like it's
00:08:19
not a pleasant thing to um share or talk
00:08:21
about um but I think it's very important
00:08:24
it it's really and the growth of like
00:08:27
there's a friend of mine we um we like
00:08:29
banded together like this she's 43 so
00:08:31
she's just a little bit younger than me
00:08:33
she's got stage four colon cancer she
00:08:35
was diagnosed a month after me and hers
00:08:37
has spread to her lmps through her
00:08:39
stomach and chest again be's fit active
00:08:43
she was a the head of PA a private
00:08:45
school in Hamilton and it's like both of
00:08:48
us like we're very lucky we've got each
00:08:49
other cuz we vent to each other and no
00:08:51
one really knows what you're going
00:08:52
through until you've been through it and
00:08:56
you know both of us our whole our bodies
00:08:58
have changed you you know like you know
00:09:00
we we laughed like you know and I split
00:09:02
my jeans this morning i' take some when
00:09:03
oh [ __ ] steroids and then she's like
00:09:06
I tried to suck my gut in or popped a
00:09:08
blood vessel like we joke about it and
00:09:10
we can do that to each other but it's
00:09:12
just surreal that you know two women
00:09:15
like us are going through this with zero
00:09:18
symptoms yeah well I think that just
00:09:20
highlights that cancer doesn't
00:09:21
discriminate so you can do all the right
00:09:22
things you know the lifestyle factors
00:09:25
and exercise and all that but it's if
00:09:27
you're going to get the tap on the
00:09:28
shoulder you're going to shoulder so
00:09:30
okay so you collaps outside work then
00:09:32
like what are the next like 48 hours or
00:09:34
basically my my two workmates they they
00:09:37
were incredible um Nikki who was my boss
00:09:40
she actually rode with me and you Mom
00:09:42
and Dad and all that so they picked me
00:09:43
up piled me in a car I think they rang
00:09:45
mom and said we're on our way Jackie had
00:09:48
the results and so mom's on the phone to
00:09:49
Dad and got Mom and Dad we got to their
00:09:53
house and I was just I actually don't
00:09:55
remember much about it I was just it was
00:09:57
like an out of- Body Experience because
00:10:00
you know I understood what a scary
00:10:02
territory I was in and what a you know
00:10:05
that it's pretty bad when it's stage 4/
00:10:08
Advanced cancer um so Nikki and FIS
00:10:11
basically explained it all to Mom and
00:10:13
Dad and they had to you know his Nick
00:10:15
who was coached by dad having to tell
00:10:18
people she's known for 20 years that
00:10:21
this is yeah her
00:10:23
daughter's diagnosis and we I think we
00:10:25
all just went into shock like and
00:10:28
disbelief and even even now it still
00:10:30
feels like a dream like I keep thinking
00:10:32
like someone else's dream is my on colge
00:10:34
just going to ring me and go ha just
00:10:35
kidding after 13 Rounds of chemo would
00:10:38
probably [ __ ] SL him good but um yeah
00:10:42
it was it was very blurry I don't
00:10:44
remember a lot I just I stayed at Mom
00:10:47
and Dad's for a week and just I just
00:10:49
think I was in total disbelief and next
00:10:51
thing I'm in because I've got health
00:10:53
insurance so and thank gosh I've got
00:10:55
health insurance and you know it's worth
00:10:57
it it is worth what you pay so I was in
00:11:00
with an oncologist in no time and when
00:11:02
he first saw me and looked at my scans
00:11:05
he basically I I again got on Google and
00:11:08
I talked to people straight away as soon
00:11:09
as I got got it sunk in that okay this
00:11:12
is happening it's never come into my
00:11:14
head I'm going to die I won't let it
00:11:16
come into my head I will not you know
00:11:18
like I'm a tougher [ __ ] than cancer so
00:11:21
yeah you you definitely are yeah we'll
00:11:24
get into that did you did did any of the
00:11:26
oncologists or experts um talk about
00:11:28
life expect I won't ask him and I you
00:11:30
know he won't and um I know be's
00:11:34
oncologist heads with her and I said to
00:11:36
her you know I've always said we're not
00:11:38
a stat we're a person and it's changing
00:11:42
now especially with bow and colon cancer
00:11:44
younger people are getting it maybe if I
00:11:46
was 70 80 and I got it you know your
00:11:48
life expectancy probably is 3 years but
00:11:52
you know you look at someone like um D
00:11:54
Henwood who's four years on still
00:11:56
tracking on and but he basically said to
00:12:00
me you're on chemo for the rest of your
00:12:02
life and I was just like and I said what
00:12:04
about surgery because I know your liver
00:12:06
can regenerate you can take away you
00:12:08
know up to 20 uh 80% of your liver and
00:12:10
it will regenerate and my bloody owes me
00:12:13
and he just said no not an option ever
00:12:15
and I just said and I and I actually
00:12:17
remembered it then I thought who are you
00:12:19
to tell me it's not an option you know
00:12:21
like cuz I'm stubborn um and so that
00:12:24
sort of sort of like oh my God and chemo
00:12:26
to me I thought I'm going to lose my
00:12:28
hair I'm going to be really sick and
00:12:30
there are so many different types of
00:12:32
chemo um he originally was going to put
00:12:35
me on the one I can't remember what it's
00:12:37
called chemo brain but it's basically
00:12:39
the real strong one we you lose your ha
00:12:41
and it's quite and he was going to do
00:12:43
that agressive yeah and I was straight
00:12:45
away like oh and he goes okay we'll
00:12:47
start you on the the standard chemo they
00:12:49
use for cuz there's different ones for
00:12:50
different cancers um but after Christmas
00:12:54
we will up it and so I started on the
00:12:56
one and I have lost half my hair like it
00:12:58
is a lot thinner
00:13:00
um and then after Christmas my first
00:13:03
scan he's like yeah we're going to keep
00:13:05
you on this one you know I'm happy and
00:13:06
cuz we talked about Target therapy
00:13:09
different drugs um I'll get into that a
00:13:11
bit more about how you know the
00:13:13
different type of drugs he can take for
00:13:15
cancer but um and then again goes we
00:13:18
don't need that and then my last scan
00:13:20
there been like for me who does not know
00:13:22
how to read scans I could see a huge
00:13:24
difference and I've got the photos on my
00:13:25
two lover and he actually talked about
00:13:28
dropping one of the KE M and I'm like no
00:13:31
what's my chance of sudy and he goes not
00:13:33
yet and I went oh okay he said you just
00:13:36
need more shrink Edge you need to you
00:13:38
know cuz these two little tumors on my
00:13:40
left side if they went they' whack off
00:13:42
my right
00:13:43
side but I would you know like my first
00:13:47
scan after four rounds of chemo it
00:13:49
actually showed I had two specks of Scar
00:13:52
Tissue on my spine and I said to my
00:13:54
oncologist what's that and he goes
00:13:55
That's cancer cells if that was left it
00:13:57
would have gone into my spine I would
00:13:58
have been to oh is is that why um you
00:14:02
need to be on CH for the rest of your
00:14:03
life just to sort of ring f it or basic
00:14:06
try and shrink it and get rid of it or
00:14:07
just to maintain it or what well
00:14:09
basically they just they don't know it's
00:14:11
it's crazy like you look at me and Bix
00:14:13
we've both got stage four colon cancer
00:14:15
she's already on a Target therapy cuz
00:14:17
who's you know like and I'm not you know
00:14:19
everyone responds differently my body is
00:14:21
weird like I'm someone who takes
00:14:22
antinausea and vomits so it's
00:14:25
like um I've just responded really well
00:14:27
to it and you know at the clinic you
00:14:30
know you see people there's a guy goes
00:14:31
see in six weeks every six weeks he gets
00:14:33
chemo like to me my goal is still to
00:14:37
shrink it enough that I can remove get
00:14:40
the surgeon can remove part of my lever
00:14:41
and I can be cancer free that is my goal
00:14:44
and that's what I'm aiming for um and he
00:14:47
went from basically I said to my
00:14:48
oncologist at the last um meeting we had
00:14:52
I said when you first saw me cuz he's
00:14:54
he's he's a hard case little Alvin and
00:14:56
he I said you did you think this this
00:14:59
girl's [ __ ] and he goes yeah it didn't
00:15:01
look good and I said and now and he goes
00:15:03
I'm really happy so I'm like okay right
00:15:07
but I've had to change a lot food water
00:15:11
everything lifestyle and I'm integrating
00:15:13
everything modern me and plus you know
00:15:15
the more alternative stuff although in
00:15:17
saying that like you you you you say you
00:15:20
had to but you didn't you didn't have to
00:15:22
like you chose to which I think a good
00:15:24
thing I think it's confucious of all
00:15:25
people that had the quote something like
00:15:27
um if you're not your own you're a fool
00:15:30
and it's like you like doctors and
00:15:31
oncologist they have like 100 different
00:15:33
patients they say and they just give you
00:15:34
a like basically a split see and sort of
00:15:37
diagnosis but yeah you need to you need
00:15:39
to be the CEO of your own [ __ ] body
00:15:41
that's what I like about you why um why
00:15:43
did you decide to Sho it on social media
00:15:44
you you did this quite early and it's
00:15:46
it's been great but I know a lot of
00:15:47
people choose to do it differently like
00:15:49
Dean Barker chose to wait until he was
00:15:50
out of the woods before he even talked
00:15:52
about it because people are so scared to
00:15:55
talk about it they're so scared of chemo
00:15:56
like you know remember movies seeing
00:15:58
people violently all with Cho okay chos
00:16:01
are not nice the side effects I get do
00:16:03
suck and especially for someone who is
00:16:05
so active like me and I go for a 2K walk
00:16:07
now I'm like oh my God and I used to run
00:16:10
20K a day as just a training run um but
00:16:14
doctors don't want you being sick they
00:16:16
don't want you violently vomiting they
00:16:17
give you stuff like we on while I'm on
00:16:20
this the chemo I do take steroids and
00:16:22
antinausea okay steroids cause moon face
00:16:25
and love handles but I'd rather that
00:16:27
than cancer so they you know like chemo
00:16:30
has this it is it's a strong drug it's
00:16:34
hard it is hard on the body but it it
00:16:37
works so don't be afraid of it and
00:16:39
that's what I want to say to people this
00:16:40
is cancer it is scary this is stage four
00:16:43
cancer which even is more scarier but
00:16:47
chemo you know like and and doctors and
00:16:49
medicine and everything I'm doing it I
00:16:53
hope I help someone and you know if
00:16:55
someone gets some I've had lots of
00:16:57
people reach out to me
00:16:59
and I just don't want anyone else to be
00:17:02
in their mid-40s with a young child and
00:17:05
get this
00:17:06
diagnosis so yeah yeah or if they do get
00:17:08
the diagnosis to not not be afraid don't
00:17:11
be afraid to speak and fight you've got
00:17:12
to fight for your health 100% so I've
00:17:14
got this post here how's how's your
00:17:16
eyesight it's quite a small font is you
00:17:18
I asked this because I'm I'm on plus
00:17:19
ones these days I've got glass honestly
00:17:21
K another you know we're like Kimo's the
00:17:23
gift that keeps giving yeah so this is
00:17:25
the first post you shared do you want me
00:17:27
to get my plus ones out of the
00:17:30
Fu it how old are you what are you 40 46
00:17:33
46 I'm 51 I got to like 48 49 and I was
00:17:36
saying a friend I'm like my is that
00:17:38
still good I think I'm I've dodged it
00:17:40
she's like no nobody gets out actually
00:17:43
since it was Weary at chemo but since
00:17:46
chemo it's like so I have got my glasses
00:17:49
in here can you read that otherwise I
00:17:51
can read this is the
00:17:53
yeah yeah do you want me to read it out
00:17:55
yeah go ahead okay sometimes life throws
00:17:58
you a decent curveball and the best
00:18:00
thing you can do is smack smack that
00:18:02
[ __ ] curveball back and out
00:18:04
into the field and go for the home run
00:18:06
and that's what I'll do thank you to
00:18:08
everyone who has reached out and
00:18:09
contacted me still processing the news
00:18:11
and just wanting to spend time with my
00:18:14
family to get my head around it all just
00:18:16
wanted you to know I'm doing okay and I
00:18:18
will beat
00:18:19
this so that was like your first sort of
00:18:21
um public post yeah it must have been
00:18:23
when you um when you press the send or
00:18:26
post button on that it must have been a
00:18:28
weird did it feel like a relief or was
00:18:30
it like here goes nothing I've always
00:18:32
been quite open like mom always said to
00:18:36
us growing up you I've got I've got an
00:18:37
older brother and younger sister I'm
00:18:38
classic middle child um she always said
00:18:41
if you can't tell us don't do it so my
00:18:44
brother was still secretive my sister
00:18:47
keeps things quiet where I had shared
00:18:48
everything with Mom and Dad in the stage
00:18:50
mom was like I don't want to know so I
00:18:53
just thought it's better to share and
00:18:55
it's better they hear it from me than
00:18:57
Chinese Whisperers you know I live in
00:18:58
Cambridge it's a small town I don't want
00:19:00
people whispering and talking I don't
00:19:02
want my closest friends to have to hear
00:19:05
you know cuz people think stage four is
00:19:07
terminal it's not terminal it's not you
00:19:09
can still a lot of people nowadays are
00:19:12
getting cured or going into
00:19:14
remission um it's not in game and that's
00:19:18
what I just want to say to people you
00:19:19
know you fight cuz your mind's stronger
00:19:22
than any other thing in the body so yeah
00:19:25
I think that's an important message cuz
00:19:27
um yeah you when you hear stage four
00:19:29
do people give you the sympathy eyes
00:19:30
like oh you're [ __ ] yeah they do they
00:19:33
do yeah well and if if if that's not the
00:19:36
reality anymore then that needs to be
00:19:37
sort of Demi yeah and there's so much
00:19:39
and there's you know like you know they
00:19:42
overseas there's so many options and
00:19:44
there's
00:19:45
a mulligan Mulligan Institute in
00:19:48
Wellington which is all immunotherapy
00:19:50
and like it's not it's not funded so if
00:19:52
you go you do have to pay but hopefully
00:19:55
the New Zealand government will wake up
00:19:56
a bit um but you know there's all these
00:19:59
options out there and every year and
00:20:00
that's what I've said to B we've just
00:20:02
got to go okay we're going to make it a
00:20:04
year and new drugs will come out right
00:20:05
make it another year and then you there
00:20:07
just new stuff coming all the time and
00:20:09
I'm prepared to hop on a plane and go
00:20:10
wherever in the world if I have to live
00:20:13
cuz I have a 12-year-old boy does it
00:20:15
sort of feel like um like your Indiana
00:20:17
Jones K's the big bould behind you and
00:20:19
you just just trying to trying to out
00:20:22
run it does actually feel like that and
00:20:23
Mom and I were talking about on the way
00:20:25
up and back in 2020 mom had stage for
00:20:28
breast cancer so that was just before
00:20:31
lockdown or after lockdown um and you do
00:20:34
feel like you got a ticking time bomb
00:20:36
and and you know Dad made the comment
00:20:38
goes God cancer does take over your life
00:20:40
and it does it's like you've got this
00:20:41
like to me I mom says it's a ticking
00:20:43
Time Bomb for her I say it's like I've
00:20:45
got this I try and get on with life as
00:20:47
normal and go for a walk but there's
00:20:48
this thorn in my shoe that I can't get
00:20:50
out and it's constantly there and it's
00:20:52
it's that's cancer and that's the
00:20:53
reality of living with them shitty
00:20:56
disease like that yeah your mom's
00:20:58
actually here today she's sitting hello
00:21:00
sitting just on the sofa watching over
00:21:02
us so um yeah how I mean the roles of
00:21:05
reversed now like I've seen her in the
00:21:06
background of a lot of your Instagram
00:21:08
stories uh she drove you up here today
00:21:10
um yeah it must be surreal because I
00:21:13
suppose the way she's feeling now about
00:21:14
you it's exactly the same you were
00:21:16
feeling about her four years ago it's
00:21:19
yeah like it's it's just unbelievable
00:21:21
like Mom's actually had thyroid and
00:21:22
breast cancer so she's a douw me um and
00:21:26
you know we sort of both us we know
00:21:28
seriously like what the [ __ ] you know
00:21:30
like give us a break you know I lost my
00:21:32
cousin two years ago to nonod lym and it
00:21:37
happens so quick and it's like just just
00:21:40
stop you know we you know come on [ __ ]
00:21:42
Cloud move on we've had enough but you
00:21:44
know Dad's the one you know some of you
00:21:46
seen Mom go through it now you seen me
00:21:48
go through it and dad said to me after I
00:21:49
was diagnosed it should be me it should
00:21:52
be me not you
00:21:54
yeah y you mentioned your um your M
00:21:57
before so you got got a son Zack how old
00:21:59
Z yeah Zack's 12 he's non um non-verbal
00:22:02
autistic so it's been so hard on him you
00:22:06
know like um man and his father had
00:22:08
50/50 custody um sheer custody and just
00:22:12
because of the monster of chemo and all
00:22:15
the fatigue I have I try to have him as
00:22:18
much as possible but he's still not got
00:22:20
that routine which kids on the Spectrum
00:22:22
love um there's been a definite rule put
00:22:25
in place that no one talks about my to
00:22:28
Zach except me so when I you know stays
00:22:31
I go and lay with him and explain to him
00:22:33
cuz he understands everything and that's
00:22:35
the the crazy things with kids with
00:22:37
autism or people with Autism they're
00:22:38
actually so bloody
00:22:40
intelligent um and yeah so I explained
00:22:43
to them that this is happening and mom's
00:22:44
having good results and she's sorry so
00:22:47
these just things I've done like I
00:22:48
brought a motor home so Zach and I can
00:22:50
go away CU I can't go on a plane I I I
00:22:52
don't want to go into a hotel cuz the
00:22:54
risk is you know your platelets are low
00:22:56
cuz you're getting blasted with chemo
00:22:57
all the time and you're at risk you know
00:23:00
like a paper cut will take weeks to heal
00:23:02
all type of things so I I don't want to
00:23:05
risk catching a cold or a flu or
00:23:07
something like that and then delaying
00:23:08
the chemo because to me I've got my you
00:23:11
know mindset I did have a weak push back
00:23:14
just cuz I needed a mental break and I
00:23:16
wanted my platelets to lift a bit um but
00:23:20
I've learned to go yeah it's chemo I
00:23:22
love K moments you know like
00:23:26
yipp of
00:23:28
chemo but to me that's how I cuz my
00:23:32
second round I was really anxious and I
00:23:35
ended up really sick like I mean I
00:23:37
scared the nurses I could not I was
00:23:39
actually vomiting a lot but I was a
00:23:42
migraine um and that's when I learned
00:23:44
too cuz they it was just before
00:23:45
Christmas and they were giving out bits
00:23:47
of fudge you know and I had a bit of
00:23:49
fudge and my body just went n so I I
00:23:53
have not touched one bit of processed
00:23:54
sugar since that day I've cut off all
00:23:57
processed sugar all Dairy all gluten no
00:24:00
red meat and my alkaline alkaline water
00:24:03
so yeah God what are you eating for fun
00:24:06
oh honey I've got a friend who does
00:24:08
Manuka honey that's my treat so yeah
00:24:10
that's a terrible treat I love it it's
00:24:14
funny cuz I never I was never a huge
00:24:15
vuka honey fan and it's like my body
00:24:18
just loves it now but yeah like and I
00:24:20
used to love chocolate and I just look
00:24:22
at it now and
00:24:23
go it's just weird what your body tells
00:24:26
you and you have to listen to it so so
00:24:29
how's um how's Zach been through through
00:24:30
all this you guys have both done a
00:24:32
phenomenal job by the way like you know
00:24:34
you kids are difficult at the best of
00:24:36
times but dealing with kids that have um
00:24:38
you know extra needs it makes things
00:24:40
tough it's been really hard on him the
00:24:42
school he he goes to Patricia R and
00:24:44
Hamilton which is a school for kids with
00:24:45
special needs um they've been incredible
00:24:48
we're just doing half days of school now
00:24:50
cuz his behavior has escalated like any
00:24:52
I hate using this word and and I know
00:24:54
it's not correct but normal child would
00:24:57
react to an ill parent 100% let alone a
00:25:01
child with high sensory needs um and
00:25:05
he's like he his little face lights up
00:25:07
when he comes to me and you know I've
00:25:09
just had to change stuff like I used to
00:25:11
go for runs and he would bike with me he
00:25:12
would go for big bike rides and I was
00:25:14
always the real active go go go and so
00:25:16
now I've got electric scooters for us
00:25:17
and you know electric bikes so I can do
00:25:20
stuff with them and the motor home which
00:25:21
he he leals in an RV cuz he's got an
00:25:23
iPad which he types to talk so he's
00:25:25
always like and it's a very American RV
00:25:28
like no you've got to go to school so it
00:25:31
has been really hard on him and but supp
00:25:35
I suppose it's hard because for 12 years
00:25:37
you've put all your sort of energy and
00:25:39
resources into him and now it's like you
00:25:42
can't do that you got to I've got to put
00:25:44
it into me and I and it's so hard on me
00:25:47
cuz my life has been you know like
00:25:48
Zach's my life and that's the reason I'm
00:25:50
fighting so hard for this but you know I
00:25:54
just I have to be I have to be selfish
00:25:56
and and you know fight and put myself
00:25:59
first and you know like when I've had
00:26:02
him I had him three days this week and
00:26:04
four days sorry and then um when he goes
00:26:06
to school on the bus I I'll have sleep
00:26:08
for an extra few hours and get ready cuz
00:26:09
we're just doing half days of school
00:26:11
just just to help him and yeah it it
00:26:14
it's awful and it's awful and I I know
00:26:16
he's hurting and I know he's he's
00:26:18
probably scared too and do you try and
00:26:21
put on a brave face or you're quite sort
00:26:22
of honest with him I'm very honest like
00:26:24
I show him my port um and he has seen me
00:26:27
when I have chemo attach I don't really
00:26:29
like having him around when I've got you
00:26:31
know tubes and this toxic bloody stuff
00:26:34
on me but I show him and if he does get
00:26:36
a bit like bargy or you know like kids
00:26:39
on the Spectrum life they want to do
00:26:41
something they're doing it I have to
00:26:42
show them remember mommy's not well and
00:26:45
and he does he does respond but I don't
00:26:48
hide it from him um I wouldn't you know
00:26:52
suppose I've been really lucky I haven't
00:26:53
been violently vomiting all except for
00:26:55
that one incident but I know to fix him
00:26:58
because we used to do so much and we're
00:27:00
out going for Tramps and walks and
00:27:02
biking and running and and now a lot of
00:27:05
the time when he comes I'm laying on the
00:27:07
bed and we're watching a movie or you
00:27:09
know he would do Lego and I'll just lay
00:27:10
beside him so it is it is hard yeah but
00:27:13
you just got to love them you just got
00:27:15
to share them with as much love as
00:27:16
possible yeah yeah when did you realize
00:27:18
Zach was um on on the Spectrum or there
00:27:20
was something not quite Zachy you know
00:27:23
actually M and I talking about the other
00:27:24
day he said just had just a bloody rough
00:27:26
little life you know you think
00:27:28
he he was constantly getting ear
00:27:30
infection so again I you know like you I
00:27:33
wasn't Den I didn't I didn't know a lot
00:27:34
about autism or well I knew a bit about
00:27:37
ADHD you wouldn't would you cuz Eric
00:27:39
seems a little bit
00:27:40
ADHD so we knew a little bit um I think
00:27:44
all of us are
00:27:45
on actually we are yeah and he sort of
00:27:51
probably around the age of well he kept
00:27:52
getting ear infections ended up he had a
00:27:55
growth on his middle ear bone called a
00:27:57
catoma and quite rare and he had to have
00:28:00
a 4-Hour surgery or something and I just
00:28:02
thought oh maybe he's not talking
00:28:04
because he couldn't hear properly you
00:28:05
know like and um yeah so they did that
00:28:09
and all that and then he did start
00:28:11
saying some words and then they just
00:28:12
sort of stopped and then his eye contact
00:28:15
he'd only have eye contact with people
00:28:17
he knew like me Eric mom dad and Eric's
00:28:20
parents um but even that was you know
00:28:23
like it was more me and Eric and my mom
00:28:25
was very Hands-On cuz Eric been away so
00:28:28
she was like the the living Nanny too um
00:28:31
and yeah it was probably
00:28:33
about three I'd say that the day here
00:28:36
was like look there yeah he just wasn't
00:28:40
developing but again the spectrum's like
00:28:42
this and physically he's just you know
00:28:44
he's so strong and capable and but the
00:28:48
it was the vocab and the eye contact and
00:28:53
yeah he didn't do he didn't really do
00:28:54
the classic lining stuff up and all that
00:28:56
but it yeah so it was probably about the
00:28:58
age of 3ish and and what about the
00:29:00
future what do what does that hold is is
00:29:01
it is it um is it going to get better um
00:29:05
don't know like at the moment he's full
00:29:07
of hormones pre
00:29:11
teenager um so of course he's like a
00:29:13
raging ball at times and other times
00:29:15
he's my little lamb so and it can change
00:29:17
like that um I don't know sometimes you
00:29:20
know like he'll just say stuff like you
00:29:23
know he'll just come out with words and
00:29:25
you're like oh good words you know he's
00:29:27
few times when Mom can do something
00:29:28
because want any he sworn at her and
00:29:29
she's like great word Zacky but don't
00:29:31
say that to me you know but we don't
00:29:34
know also he pick the the good words oh
00:29:37
yeah he Pi up the good does he oh he Pi
00:29:38
up does he really okay so so he can
00:29:42
communicate he can it's very it's quite
00:29:44
funny his voice how much it's changed
00:29:46
like he he at the moment french fries
00:29:48
from McDonald's like he's we're very
00:29:50
lucky he eats really well he's got his
00:29:52
dad's appetite he's a good eater and he
00:29:55
loves his french fries and Mom it's a
00:29:57
treat mom takes them and he's got his
00:29:58
iPad he's like french fries french fries
00:30:00
and you're like so and then Mom goes do
00:30:02
you want one or two and he's like two
00:30:04
this real de with two and it's like you
00:30:07
know one no D so wow that's such a such
00:30:09
a um hard and complex thing to
00:30:12
understand but we can read and we know
00:30:14
what he wants and having that the which
00:30:16
the scho D say app and and he'll just
00:30:19
type in like I want normally it's food
00:30:21
related or the the RV um but if he wants
00:30:24
to go scootering or use photos of us he
00:30:27
wants to go to Nana's or what yeah so
00:30:29
that's been great but it is really hard
00:30:32
and it must be bloody hard for him like
00:30:34
frustrating yeah like and he gets angry
00:30:36
and the worst thing is you know like we
00:30:38
have noticed since me he he gets really
00:30:40
frustrated he bites him his hand like
00:30:43
that got and he's actually got calluses
00:30:45
there now and it just breaks my heart
00:30:47
cuz you just want to being a mom or you
00:30:49
know a parent you just want to take that
00:30:51
that frustration and pain and take it
00:30:53
away yeah but I don't know we don't know
00:30:55
what's going the future's going to bring
00:30:57
you know the penny could just drop and
00:30:58
he could find something it's just he's
00:31:00
so into and like he loves photography
00:31:02
you know go for a walk and there's about
00:31:04
a th000 photos on my phone and yeah and
00:31:07
he's but who knows who we don't know
00:31:10
what the it's like a crystal ball none
00:31:11
of us know yeah some friends of mine um
00:31:14
have a son that was severely autistic
00:31:16
like to the point where he couldn't be
00:31:17
around other people he had his like
00:31:19
texture book thing at night time and
00:31:21
couldn't speak now he's he's in his
00:31:23
early 20s and he's um you if you don't
00:31:25
know he's autistic he just seems like
00:31:27
like slightly off like a slightly
00:31:29
awkward awkward man um but he's bloody
00:31:32
great yeah
00:31:34
yeah so so that's so clever so like Zach
00:31:38
can remember a house he lived in when he
00:31:40
was one and a half God I get lost coming
00:31:42
up to O I got no sense of direction like
00:31:45
they've got this he's got this
00:31:46
photographic memory and um but it's
00:31:48
interesting now I know a lot of it you
00:31:50
know about autism and all that you know
00:31:52
you meet people and I can sort of pick
00:31:53
it on people now I'm like yeah yeah on
00:31:56
the Spectrum um and his his um favorite
00:31:59
swear words what do they begin with he's
00:32:01
used the F1 a few times isn't he yeah
00:32:03
yeah he's used the F1 that's so funny
00:32:07
he's not speaking but he's got the and
00:32:09
it's clear as day the good ones it's
00:32:10
clear as day stage you go what so yeah I
00:32:15
Reon that's uh that's coming from um the
00:32:17
time at Dad's house I oh definitely
00:32:19
definely not doesn't
00:32:21
swear
00:32:22
um okay so there's a uh a post from uh
00:32:26
May 15 so this was this last week chemo
00:32:31
week oh yeah yeah yeah this is this is a
00:32:33
really long one I I found this really
00:32:35
really insightful um so that you say and
00:32:38
that makes it round 12 yeah thought I'd
00:32:40
give you a rundown on the side effects
00:32:42
of chemo so you you have chemo every
00:32:45
second Thursday every second Wednesday
00:32:48
Wednesday okay so you go in um they they
00:32:52
put the chemo into there's my little
00:32:54
Port there you can see the bump it goes
00:32:56
in the middle there so there's a little
00:32:58
like a valve under my skin that looks
00:33:00
like just a scar I sort of Imagine like
00:33:02
a just it's just above it it's a little
00:33:04
hard thing and yeah they put it so that
00:33:06
way your veins cuz I had it in my arm at
00:33:09
first the pick line cuz they wanted to
00:33:10
get there was a weight list for this and
00:33:12
they wanted to get the CH on me quick
00:33:14
but you couldn't get your arm wet um it
00:33:16
was just and it was such an ice or this
00:33:18
big thing on your arm so basically when
00:33:21
it's the um the tube goes up here and
00:33:22
runs all the way it goes to the artery
00:33:25
quite close to your heart big main
00:33:26
artery um um where now it's just bumed
00:33:30
there so it's and I can hide it I can
00:33:32
swim with it I can shower with it I can
00:33:34
like live life normally with it um and
00:33:38
yeah
00:33:39
so that's the port so so you're going to
00:33:42
get chemo how long are you in for oh nor
00:33:45
3 hours 2 hours 3 hours like charging up
00:33:47
an EV yeah that's pretty
00:33:49
much that's good way to put so and then
00:33:52
um and then so what does it feel like
00:33:54
when it goes up nothing I feel anything
00:33:57
no um
00:33:58
yeah I put a numbing patch on that I
00:34:00
forgot last time and it hurt um yeah
00:34:03
they just they're fantastic I go to a
00:34:05
place called saluted K in Hamilton it's
00:34:07
um because I've got health insurance
00:34:09
it's a private one the newses are just
00:34:11
amazing um so they go in they first say
00:34:15
well you have to have bloods every two
00:34:17
weeks cuz if my platelets are low or
00:34:19
anything like that um they won't do
00:34:22
chemo if your platelets I think are
00:34:23
under 80 mine was sitting around 84 for
00:34:25
so long and then I just bumped it a away
00:34:27
and it went up to 119 so I just needed
00:34:30
that um break but that's another thing
00:34:32
I'm always at them I want to see my
00:34:34
Bloods I want to know they printed out
00:34:36
now I want to know my tumor markers I
00:34:38
want to know what my Li's doing and like
00:34:40
I don't know what the hell I'm reading
00:34:41
but I want to know taking active
00:34:43
interest yeah patients like you like I
00:34:45
wonder if they um if they think oh go
00:34:46
she's a pain in the ass or if they
00:34:48
appreciate it I think they' probably
00:34:50
appreciate it right they probably do
00:34:51
like with the the tumor markers is the
00:34:53
thing that really surprised me um when I
00:34:58
was first diagnosed like you've got
00:35:00
there's two there's so many different
00:35:01
tumor markers but the two for colon and
00:35:03
bow cancer the ones I get tested for um
00:35:07
and I think one of them has a bit to do
00:35:09
a liver too and I think the first one
00:35:12
normal like you would be under five I
00:35:16
was 790 oh and the other one a healthy
00:35:21
person like yourself with no cancer
00:35:23
would be 3 under 37 I think he said I
00:35:27
was 1,000 wasn't I or I was 1,700 was
00:35:30
cheapers so I was pretty screwed um my
00:35:33
last so every month I have them done um
00:35:36
and my last one the one that should be
00:35:39
five was 35 and the one that should be
00:35:42
35 is 74 oh so down considerably hugely
00:35:47
so okay so when the Cho's going in you
00:35:49
just like play on your phone or read a
00:35:50
book or yeah Netflix or yeah talk to Mom
00:35:54
or play my phone yeah you just yeah I
00:35:57
talk to the nurse and you know you
00:35:59
develop such a good relationship with
00:36:00
them they're such an incredible woman so
00:36:02
and then and then you you like can you
00:36:04
drive yourself home or do you feel no no
00:36:06
they give me a hey
00:36:08
drug I've done it you've gone from being
00:36:10
like drug free your entire life to being
00:36:12
like filming out with no they give you
00:36:16
um so you only have you two steroids and
00:36:18
then you get I can't think what it's
00:36:19
called it's a happy P it's a relaxing
00:36:21
and all that and um yeah it just sort of
00:36:25
makes you go and the one time I did
00:36:28
drive I um well Mom has always been
00:36:31
there with me and gone through every
00:36:33
chemo Clinic like Mom's every scan every
00:36:35
chemo session every specialist you know
00:36:38
mom's been there um Mom dropped me off
00:36:40
at home and I
00:36:41
think yeah I can't remember what we had
00:36:44
to go in and get Zack there' been a
00:36:45
miscommunication or something or and um
00:36:49
yeah and I couldn't get hold of mom and
00:36:50
I was like [ __ ] [ __ ] sh so I just jumped
00:36:52
in my car and I thought I'm not driving
00:36:55
all the way to him go get Mom first cuz
00:36:56
she's only just up and I was hitting
00:36:58
roundabouts and I'm like hell's wrong
00:37:00
with me like I felt like Mr M remember
00:37:03
Mr
00:37:04
M that's what I felt like and then I
00:37:06
said to my nurse you know I drive she
00:37:08
goes oh don't drive do not drive on
00:37:10
those pearls because you just yeah like
00:37:12
I thought I was fine but I was banging
00:37:13
into the round like what the hell like
00:37:15
you're driving drunk anyway totally so
00:37:17
yeah this is another post you Shar so
00:37:19
this was um December 7 MH um first Cameo
00:37:21
day you want to read that out God I need
00:37:24
my glasses I can go and grab you the
00:37:26
plus ones you know today marks the start
00:37:29
of the toughest journey of my life
00:37:31
anxiety levels have been through the
00:37:32
roof and I have definitely gone into the
00:37:34
Jacky cave to try and work through all
00:37:36
this how can someone so fit healthy runs
00:37:39
Marathon have stage four cancer and zero
00:37:41
symptoms but being a fit healthy person
00:37:44
is going to help me fight this today is
00:37:46
my first day of chemo and the pump stays
00:37:48
on me for 46 hours even though I'm so
00:37:51
scared I will fight this with everything
00:37:53
I've got I won't leave any
00:38:03
sorry Z thing I won't leave any Rock
00:38:07
unturned my strength comes from my
00:38:09
darling little boy Zack mommy is going
00:38:12
to beat this my baby also thank you for
00:38:15
all your messages and
00:38:17
support I'm so lucky to be surrounded by
00:38:20
such amazing people [ __ ] you cancer time
00:38:23
to fake cake you nasty [ __ ]
00:38:27
um a special Thanks goes out to my
00:38:30
amazing support Angels who have wrapped
00:38:32
their wings around me in these past few
00:38:34
weeks my amazing parents Gary and Sharon
00:38:37
my brother and sister Brook and Daye
00:38:39
Nick and fris my counselors Elana Robin
00:38:42
Joe
00:38:43
Renee um and last but definitely not
00:38:46
least my absolute beandy you are really
00:38:48
my backbone and I love you
00:38:52
endlessly yeah yeah is it tough to
00:38:56
reflect on that yeah it is it is it is
00:38:59
it's
00:39:01
just it still as I said it seems
00:39:04
surreal it yeah it seems like it's a bad
00:39:07
dream
00:39:11
and yeah it seems like a really bad
00:39:13
dream and you know when I think of Zach
00:39:16
and I just I want to be there to see him
00:39:19
grow up you know he needs his mom yeah
00:39:23
but it must sh you must be proud like
00:39:24
you think about how how scared you were
00:39:27
of the now and then and now you're how
00:39:29
12 rounds 12 rounds next week so yeah
00:39:31
yeah now I'm like
00:39:34
Cho Kemo
00:39:36
coffee wow yeah okay so chemo um yeah in
00:39:41
this big post you did last week you said
00:39:43
firstly it's not as scary as in the
00:39:45
movies yeah it's not fun but the doctors
00:39:47
don't want you violently sick so there's
00:39:48
mids to help there yeah I found this
00:39:51
really interesting just you know
00:39:52
demystifying all these things about
00:39:55
cancer uh fatigue is like nothing I've
00:39:57
experience running a marathon is a
00:39:58
breeze oh it is like you know you run a
00:40:01
marathon your body aches and you're sore
00:40:03
but you've got that the dophins and all
00:40:05
that you don't have the endorphins with
00:40:07
chemo fatigue um you it just and it will
00:40:11
just hit you like but I have learned
00:40:13
that um going for little walks helps
00:40:15
with fatigue you know fresh air and all
00:40:17
that um but yeah it's sort of it's
00:40:20
probably 3 days after the pump comes off
00:40:22
you know like this you just you just
00:40:24
need days NS um but I'm or three days
00:40:28
yeah probably three yeah but like yeah
00:40:30
cuz chemo stays in your body for about 7
00:40:32
days so um so so we're recording this 8
00:40:36
days after your last round is this sort
00:40:38
like The Sweet Spot do you have a window
00:40:39
that's um the it's cuz it's I can't
00:40:43
pronounce ke my brain it builds up your
00:40:45
system I'm trying to think of the word
00:40:46
but now it's not there um the more
00:40:49
rounds you have the more the side
00:40:51
effects like the tingling in my hands
00:40:53
and feet and in the tip of my tongue and
00:40:55
all that that's probably got worse like
00:40:57
I've been so lucky with the nausea like
00:40:59
I've put it down to um it's sort of like
00:41:02
morning sickness if I let myself get
00:41:04
hungry I'm like oh I feel a bit sick but
00:41:06
I know what to eat and what to not eat
00:41:08
and yeah but it's sort of yeah it's sort
00:41:12
of 7 days out that's when everything
00:41:14
leaves your body your body can get I
00:41:16
sometimes get migraines cuz you sort of
00:41:18
the steroids are gone and this is gone
00:41:19
but you just manage it is that what the
00:41:22
steroids do they like pain relief they
00:41:24
take out the inflammation on the body
00:41:26
cuz of chemo causes inflammation and all
00:41:29
that so it takes that out so you only
00:41:30
take them for 4 days so just 2 in the
00:41:32
morning right but yeah um the chemo I'm
00:41:37
on you don't lose your hair but it thins
00:41:38
a lot I had a lion's man now I kind of
00:41:42
feel like Dr Evil's cat yeah your hair
00:41:45
looks fine though do you want there
00:41:46
cliffing in here oh really yeah but to
00:41:48
cover up it's not bold spots it just
00:41:51
thins so you go through it like I did
00:41:53
have thick ha um and it's all starting
00:41:56
to grow back I my cousin put me on to
00:41:58
this incredible woman who's a wellness
00:42:00
practitioner and she's she's a cancer
00:42:02
survivor and survived a really
00:42:04
aggressive cancer 10 years on and she's
00:42:06
got me on all the right practitioner
00:42:08
grapes supplements so now it's all
00:42:11
growing back but again's growing back
00:42:14
fing white not even white so I've got
00:42:17
all this regrowth of white here and I'm
00:42:20
like serious yeah like your mom is that
00:42:23
natural that's natural yeah yeah wow so
00:42:27
yeah well look your mom's your mom's
00:42:28
beautiful if you exactly um numbness in
00:42:32
your hands or feet and now the tip of my
00:42:34
tongue cold water feels like electric
00:42:36
shocks trying to take something out of
00:42:38
the fridge as torture what do you mean
00:42:39
like holding it well basic the tips of
00:42:41
your fingers um there's a word for it
00:42:44
again sorry um but it's like all time
00:42:47
you got slightly pins and needles or
00:42:48
they're just a little bit numb and you
00:42:50
go to grab something out of the fridge
00:42:51
and honestly it's like freezer burn on
00:42:53
your fingers and you're just like oh and
00:42:56
and drinking ice chilled water um the
00:42:59
nerves in your throat it's like they
00:43:00
contract and it feels like they're
00:43:01
closing over and you can't breathe but
00:43:03
you can but it's just
00:43:04
everything's and yeah the hands are
00:43:06
getting bitter but the cold weather's
00:43:08
brought on the feet and I was just
00:43:10
walking down pons Road and I tripped and
00:43:12
Mom said you're all right and I was like
00:43:13
[ __ ]
00:43:14
feet what's it's amazing cuz no you
00:43:17
never hear about the stuff no one tells
00:43:19
you about the stuff it's very very com
00:43:21
the tip of my tongue is just weird um
00:43:23
but again it's like it's funny cuz Bey
00:43:26
on two or three rounds ahead of her so
00:43:29
I'm always like this is a new side
00:43:31
effect like the great thing I had a we
00:43:33
while back I think it was after round
00:43:34
eight I got good old oral thrust so my
00:43:37
mouth is just like cotton wool and I
00:43:39
message her going oh my gosh and then
00:43:41
she's like thank God I haven't had that
00:43:43
through you ex lat she goes you'll never
00:43:45
guess what I've got so we've sort of
00:43:46
laughed with each other but we just go
00:43:48
it's the gift that keeps
00:43:50
giving yeah with every every round
00:43:52
there's another surprise like another
00:43:54
layer to unrap um yeah next point you
00:43:57
bring up in this post from May 15 is
00:43:59
choin which youve mentioned a couple of
00:44:00
times today uh worse than being a blonde
00:44:04
offensive you can say it I can't you
00:44:07
forget things mid sentence thinking
00:44:09
clearly and concentrating as hard yeah
00:44:11
like honestly you'll be talking and it's
00:44:13
like someone has just gone PS and you're
00:44:17
like sh what was I just saying or you
00:44:20
know the words right there but you can't
00:44:21
remember how to say the word um CU a a
00:44:24
lot of people a lot of women experience
00:44:26
things like this pregnancy right baby
00:44:28
brain did you have it with uh with Zack
00:44:30
at all or is it different I don't know I
00:44:32
can't remember I don't think I did maybe
00:44:34
not no no like yeah I um yeah it's just
00:44:38
nuts like I've been going to a um
00:44:40
restorative therapist who works on
00:44:42
breathing and yoga poses and different
00:44:44
and she's been incredible for my stress
00:44:46
levels like I I don't think I would have
00:44:48
got through a lot of this without her
00:44:50
and yeah a lot of time I'm talking to
00:44:52
her and then I just stop and she knows
00:44:54
totally what's happened and I'm like
00:44:56
yeah okay we change a subject I can't
00:44:58
even remember what I was talking about
00:45:00
and it's sort of we laugh like a lot of
00:45:02
the time it happens to Mom and she mom's
00:45:04
been finishing my sentences cuz it's
00:45:06
she's going to be my driver and my
00:45:08
translator soon well that's good that's
00:45:11
good does she ever get it wrong you're
00:45:12
like no M that's not what
00:45:15
I uh the next one bow motions
00:45:18
constipation or diarrhea this is usually
00:45:19
caused by the anti nausea antinausea and
00:45:22
steroids I have only had severe
00:45:24
constipation at the start of treatment W
00:45:26
it was so so bad and
00:45:29
happened this is over
00:45:32
sharing mom sometimes do you think the
00:45:34
Instagram stuff's too much no uh and it
00:45:38
happened late at night that's when the
00:45:40
the pump bottle came in handy what does
00:45:42
that
00:45:44
mean Pump bottle came in handy as
00:45:46
there's no after hours well I didn't
00:45:48
have
00:45:51
an so you like hot
00:45:54
water no I think we just blasted that's
00:45:57
when you know your mother loves you oh
00:45:59
my
00:46:00
God what did your mom do it really yeah
00:46:05
BL you tri something that off
00:46:09
your Jesus you guys have a good
00:46:11
relationship good relationship great
00:46:14
relationship but yeah it was like I was
00:46:16
sort of half well the first the funny
00:46:18
thing is I was at Mom and Dad's and it
00:46:19
was bad and now I've learned to manage
00:46:22
it and all that and it was so bad I was
00:46:24
so painful and I was like I this is so
00:46:27
gross it was just sitting there and I
00:46:28
was like oh my God I can't go I can't go
00:46:30
and I was in an Agony and we didn't have
00:46:32
a pump bottle so Dad out this he'
00:46:35
cleaned it an old dishwashing liquid
00:46:37
bottle and we're like that's not going
00:46:39
to work so Mom races off to the the
00:46:43
petrol station comes back with pump
00:46:45
bottles and I say I'm in the toilet
00:46:46
going oh she goes right bend over off we
00:46:49
go worked God that is beyond the call
00:46:53
how how old is your mom a what are you
00:46:57
60s coming up 72 coming up 72 yeah you
00:47:01
think you
00:47:02
know pH is over with you think you're
00:47:05
out of the woods but you never you never
00:47:08
saw this in your
00:47:10
life wow where's so dad's dad's not
00:47:14
dad's out of the room dad doesn't dad
00:47:16
just
00:47:17
like Dad had
00:47:20
what he's done it to Mom before she
00:47:23
passes on
00:47:24
[Applause]
00:47:25
every so we we yeah this is a this is a
00:47:29
really good family Dynamic though like
00:47:32
it's it's Inc you know it's it's a
00:47:33
horrible [ __ ] of a disease but it
00:47:35
really shows you who loves you and cares
00:47:37
for you and of course your parents do
00:47:38
but we did laugh about that like once it
00:47:41
was over I was a bit like oh my God but
00:47:44
um yeah once it was over we've had a few
00:47:46
good laughs about it like and you got to
00:47:48
laugh cuz it takes so much joy out of
00:47:51
your life and you're living with this
00:47:53
horrible which my workmate first calls
00:47:56
it rust you know know you want to get
00:47:57
that rust out of your body but yeah like
00:48:00
we we did have a good laugh about that
00:48:02
and yeah so but now I definitely kiwi
00:48:04
fruit is my best
00:48:06
friend I don't want to go through that
00:48:08
again and I haven't drunk out of a pump
00:48:10
bottle since yeah cuz um I mean you you
00:48:13
can you can laugh laugh your way thrat
00:48:14
and as they say if you don't laugh
00:48:16
you're going to [ __ ] cry and you've
00:48:17
got a great relationship with your
00:48:19
parents and they're there for you but
00:48:21
you're still like this you know fiercely
00:48:24
independent um and driven your woman so
00:48:27
from a you like a like a pride
00:48:30
perspective like you know must be
00:48:32
embarrassing ah I actually wasn't
00:48:35
embarrassed at all I just wanted it to
00:48:38
you just wanted to P out I just wanted
00:48:39
to go I was like just make it work so we
00:48:43
did tell my my oncologist didn't we and
00:48:46
he was like oh how I give you some
00:48:48
tablets for that I don't think you
00:48:50
really like the idea that we were doing
00:48:52
that but needs must I I had severe
00:48:55
constipation in my teens and it's I
00:48:56
imagine pregnancy to be like it was like
00:48:58
the worst gut pain imaginable oh it's
00:49:01
horrible aw yeah but I haven't touched
00:49:03
wood hadn't since then so um the next
00:49:06
thing as we move on fromation um I know
00:49:11
it's it's so interesting because and
00:49:13
it's not something that we should I
00:49:14
think Shy Away from because um you know
00:49:16
I think awareness with this sort of
00:49:18
stuff is key that's good uh taste buds
00:49:20
are dead everything tastes kind of the
00:49:21
same yeah yeah it definitely is like um
00:49:25
you know I still well basically on quite
00:49:27
much a plant-based diet now um and I
00:49:31
have brought fresh salmon and I'll have
00:49:34
um organic free range chicken but I'm
00:49:36
really really careful with what I'm
00:49:38
eating and when I actually met mom and
00:49:40
dad's coming there quite a bit and you
00:49:42
know when I'll cook and I'll go try it
00:49:44
mom goes what do you think it tastes
00:49:45
like I mean it tastes the bloody sa to
00:49:46
me but it honestly does and that's why I
00:49:49
think I love my Manuka honey so much
00:49:51
because it's such a strong flavor I get
00:49:52
a taste but um yeah you just like even
00:49:56
now it's just a weird feeling in your
00:49:58
mouth it's just it has to be a pretty
00:50:00
strong flavor for me to go oh I taste
00:50:02
that so you see you and your mom went
00:50:04
out for lunch just before coming here to
00:50:05
say what did you eat I had cauliflower
00:50:07
soup yeah and it was good I actually
00:50:09
could taste you know he had like there's
00:50:11
some spices in this but again you know I
00:50:13
have um that person at a restaurant the
00:50:16
people person I used to go too like say
00:50:18
he there got no gluten in it no dairy in
00:50:20
it is you know like I'm just and I won't
00:50:23
even drink the water cuz I only drink
00:50:24
souit and water um I'm r into my juices
00:50:27
now cuz there's been a lot of studies
00:50:28
especially green juices um but yeah I am
00:50:32
that person in a restaurant that people
00:50:34
go [ __ ] you're doing all the right
00:50:36
things aren't you oh you have to yeah
00:50:39
you have to you know like yeah and I
00:50:43
miss cheese gosh I miss cheese and you
00:50:45
know I found out from my friend who's
00:50:47
that Health practitioner she said you
00:50:48
know you can have goat fet or goat
00:50:51
cheese and so that was like a treat it's
00:50:52
disgusting but it's like a treat like oh
00:50:55
yeah I'm goat Fe but yeah and you know
00:50:58
really lucky there you know that
00:50:59
beautiful regland coconut yogurt thank
00:51:02
God I like that because yeah because
00:51:04
interesting is Dair is one of the
00:51:06
probably worst things for cancer too so
00:51:09
yeah wow um the next one was this is
00:51:13
something you bought up already uh mouth
00:51:14
ulcers lip Burns and good old oral
00:51:17
thrush what does what does that mean
00:51:18
just basically a mouthful of but I've
00:51:21
been really lucky because the first
00:51:22
thing that the nurses said to me salt
00:51:25
water baking soda mouth rins when you're
00:51:26
in chemo because some reason you just
00:51:28
get ulcers um Becky who I've talked
00:51:30
about a lot she has continuously got
00:51:32
like burns on a lap I had it maybe the
00:51:34
first two rounds and I thought oh God
00:51:36
great I'm getting cold SS now but it
00:51:38
wasn't and there I've just learned to
00:51:41
manage it now and I've learned the stuff
00:51:42
that works and that doesn't um yeah oral
00:51:46
thrush was just disgusting what's that
00:51:49
basically it's a a yeast spilled up I
00:51:51
think in your mouth and because my
00:51:52
immune system is so toast and that's why
00:51:55
I'm on all these supplements now to
00:51:57
build my your gut health is so important
00:51:59
if your gut's not right and chemo does
00:52:01
blast
00:52:02
everything um and yeah my mouth you
00:52:05
poked my tongue out and was like white
00:52:06
and it sounds gross but it looked Fury
00:52:08
and it was just like I had cotton war in
00:52:10
my mouth so um I know a lot of babies
00:52:12
get it um so I've treated that and then
00:52:15
I just manage it now just yeah and then
00:52:18
cuts that won't heal a small paper cut
00:52:21
will bleed like a [ __ ] and take two
00:52:22
weeks to heal oh it's such a pain but
00:52:24
that's again your platelets and all that
00:52:26
and um keep knocking that um yeah but
00:52:29
it's just just such a pain like you just
00:52:32
scratch yourself and you bleed and bleed
00:52:33
and bleed I'm like oh you can stop now
00:52:35
but yeah it's just one of those things
00:52:37
but that's the doys of chemo and cancer
00:52:39
patients you just have to be so careful
00:52:42
so steroids oh hello moon face and love
00:52:47
handles you look you look right you
00:52:49
quite self-conscious about it do you
00:52:50
think you've blow it up quite a bit oh
00:52:52
yeah yeah just would I split the ass in
00:52:54
my jeans
00:52:58
um yeah just I think because I'd gone
00:53:00
from that runner's body you know like
00:53:02
everything was toned and I had abs and
00:53:04
you that row say the runners bum which
00:53:06
is that AAL taunt bum and now it's like
00:53:08
I feel like freaking a saggy elephant
00:53:10
but it's probably more me and I have put
00:53:12
on probably four 5 kg but it's better on
00:53:15
going that way than going down you know
00:53:17
and that's what the nurses go we'd
00:53:18
rather you put on weight than lose
00:53:19
weight um but I think you just you miss
00:53:23
like I miss that know it sounds vain
00:53:26
that runner's body cuz you do you just
00:53:28
you you know like it's funny we looked
00:53:30
at my scan my scan when I first got it
00:53:33
and they do back view in front view of
00:53:35
the the CT scan and like there was they
00:53:37
could see like your skin around the
00:53:38
outside of your body and I had nothing
00:53:40
there was nothing there then the last
00:53:42
one it was like these love handles and
00:53:44
I'm like what the hell's that I must
00:53:46
have been wearing extra tight pants like
00:53:49
it's it's funny he because it's like
00:53:51
from um from outside appearances like
00:53:53
anyone that was at the cafe that you
00:53:54
guys would just at no one would be able
00:53:55
to tell that you're you're going through
00:53:57
anything yeah yeah it is and it's a
00:54:00
crazy thing you know like um vix and I
00:54:03
are doing a an article for women's day
00:54:05
cuz it's Bell Cancer Month next month
00:54:08
and both of us like they said to us oh
00:54:10
do you have photo of you and you have
00:54:11
chemo and looking sick and I'm like we
00:54:13
don't look sick we don't look sick for
00:54:15
us we you know like mom always says you
00:54:17
know the are days when I went to Mom's
00:54:19
house and I spent three days in beard I
00:54:21
was just wiped and you know I do like
00:54:24
every morning I still get up and check
00:54:25
my eyes to make sure they're not yellow
00:54:27
cuz I got tumors in my you know liver
00:54:28
I'm terrified I'm going to end up with
00:54:30
jaundice but you know chance I won't but
00:54:33
um we don't yeah we don't look sick but
00:54:37
and that's the the scary thing with
00:54:40
especially this colon cancer in under
00:54:42
50s it's getting diagnosed really late
00:54:45
and people look really healthy yeah but
00:54:47
you you were you weren't diagnosed late
00:54:49
though were you you you you weren't
00:54:51
diagnosed late you were well I had blood
00:54:53
tests in 2022 and everything was perfect
00:54:56
and then I blood test in 2023 and my li
00:54:59
so I have no idea how long like the
00:55:03
basically the tumor of my colon cuz I
00:55:05
had the colonoscopy and all that um it's
00:55:09
just was just on about 3 cm it's 40 cm
00:55:12
into my colon and the rest of my colon
00:55:15
is if you can say a picture perfect
00:55:16
colon it is there's no other PPS it's
00:55:18
just this one freaking mushroom and um
00:55:22
even that it didn't even look that angry
00:55:24
and then I'm like how can this you know
00:55:26
you hear of people who have 12 CM tumors
00:55:29
that don't spread and I said to my
00:55:30
oncologist why why did I have this one
00:55:32
and it's quite a clean tumor decide to
00:55:35
go and have a good massive party in my
00:55:36
lover and he's like just takes one
00:55:38
little cell one and cuz you got the
00:55:40
portal vein that runs that area and he
00:55:43
said it's the most common place that all
00:55:44
spread is to the liver and I just you
00:55:47
know times I've gone bloody [ __ ]
00:55:49
ungrateful body you know like I've
00:55:50
looked after you so well this is how you
00:55:52
think me [ __ ] you exactly and you do
00:55:55
feel like and you know my Instagram post
00:55:58
you know I'm putting on this real but
00:56:00
there are times I crumble and I cry and
00:56:02
I've been you know on the phone to Mom
00:56:03
absolutely beside myself and I can't and
00:56:06
there are times I go and it's just
00:56:07
venting cuz I'll never give in but it's
00:56:09
like I can't keep fighting this I don't
00:56:11
want this I you mourn your old life you
00:56:14
and it's the best way it's like you've
00:56:16
lost your old life you've things you
00:56:19
took for granted you wish you hadn't now
00:56:21
and and it definitely puts life into a
00:56:24
whole new perspective and what's
00:56:26
important in life you know I to be
00:56:28
honest I used to go and get BOTOX and
00:56:29
all that it's like oh [ __ ] growing old's
00:56:32
a privilege I'd never do that now who
00:56:35
cares if I've got wrinkles and you I'll
00:56:37
be happy if I can live to a ripe old age
00:56:40
so yeah yeah I like that it's a good
00:56:44
takeaway yeah um yeah I think another
00:56:46
good takeaway from this is just the
00:56:47
importance of um yeah like basically
00:56:50
being the CEO of your own body doing
00:56:52
your own research seems like you've
00:56:53
spent a lot of time online and I have
00:56:56
stage M can you please start reading a
00:56:58
book to give yourself a break from caner
00:57:00
Reading up about that um and also like
00:57:05
for instance of a bit of a background
00:57:06
with Bal can Bal cancer is the second
00:57:08
biggest killer of cancer in New Zealand
00:57:10
behind lung
00:57:13
and um it's been over 20 years since new
00:57:16
any new funded drugs have come in so
00:57:19
there's people dying of bell cancer cuz
00:57:21
they can't afford to pay for the drugs
00:57:24
you know like some of these drugs are 60
00:57:25
Grand a year and if they can't afford it
00:57:28
you're did and it's it's wrong it's it's
00:57:31
it makes me actually quite angry cuz
00:57:33
it's like you know that's not fair it's
00:57:35
really not fair that because you know
00:57:38
even if you have health insurance it
00:57:39
still doesn't cover the whole
00:57:41
amount um and if these you know like
00:57:46
9,500 people die of cancer a year in New
00:57:48
Zealand we're one of the highest rates
00:57:50
per population per population why you
00:57:54
know why we
00:57:56
why is this happening in New Zealand why
00:57:58
are so many more people die of cancer
00:58:00
than on the road and it's just freaking
00:58:03
scary and the stuff I've learned and
00:58:05
I've talked to the the Bell cancer um
00:58:09
Society have been incredible like they
00:58:11
they send out little funding packages
00:58:12
like they gave me $150 towards groceries
00:58:14
or you can have it towards petrol and
00:58:16
like just stuff like that um where
00:58:19
actually me and Vicky along with my
00:58:21
friend Renee who's a designer of maou um
00:58:25
it's a New Zealand label which t-shirt
00:58:27
is here she's doing a Jack and B range
00:58:29
and it's all of these t-shirts and
00:58:30
they're 100% Pac cotton which is from
00:58:33
Peru and it's Jack and bick's collection
00:58:35
and 50% of the proceeds are going to
00:58:37
Bell cancer research and Renee goes I
00:58:39
want to do this I want to so yeah Bix
00:58:41
and I are going to be the front of that
00:58:43
and it's just like we need to to push
00:58:45
Bell cancer because it's growing so much
00:58:47
and the screening like Bell cancer
00:58:49
screening you know it's like over 60 I
00:58:52
think why isn't it younger cuz there's
00:58:55
more I think I somewhere could be wrong
00:58:58
but it's been a
00:58:59
70% increase in under 50 cancers that's
00:59:03
[ __ ] scary wow is that a diet thing
00:59:06
or a lifestyle thing what is it well
00:59:08
what you know it's another thing me and
00:59:09
my friend Google um I'm like what is it
00:59:13
you know you know is it our water is it
00:59:16
our food is it pesticides we're spraying
00:59:19
and is it you know like what is it but
00:59:22
we just just don't know it's just and
00:59:25
it's scary cuz if it's going to continue
00:59:27
to grow that what's Zach's Generation
00:59:29
The Generation after him and you know
00:59:32
like he's govern need to bring more
00:59:34
funded drugs in because you know I'm
00:59:37
prepared to go to Australia I'll go into
00:59:39
Australia and get what I need to get
00:59:41
over there and pay what I have to
00:59:43
because they're so Advanced they're one
00:59:44
of the leaders in cancer research in the
00:59:46
world so I'm prepared to do whatever but
00:59:48
you shouldn't have to yeah yeah cancer
00:59:52
Cancer's picked the wrong person you you
00:59:53
you do love um you you know
00:59:57
the squeaky the squeaky wheel gets the
00:59:58
oil is that the same yeah I you're the
01:00:01
squeaky wheel like when you and Eric
01:00:02
were together and Zach was young um you
01:00:05
know you did you did a lot to raise
01:00:07
awareness of autism and Eric was on
01:00:09
Dancing With the Stars raising money for
01:00:11
he wasn't on very long maybe longer than
01:00:13
what he should have been you
01:00:15
see he took it quite seriously he oh
01:00:18
he's very competitive yeah yeah yeah um
01:00:21
so that was then and now now like the
01:00:24
work that you'll do um you with colon
01:00:27
cancer Bale cancer is um just as
01:00:29
important if not more important you know
01:00:30
and yeah it is it's so important it's
01:00:34
yeah and you know you know I'll fight
01:00:37
for it cuz I don't want I don't want
01:00:39
other people going through this you know
01:00:41
if I could help someone just one person
01:00:44
if they get this to get it at stage one
01:00:46
or two you know that's a win because you
01:00:49
know stage four it's not a death
01:00:52
sentence but it means your fights a lot
01:00:54
harder and yeah you bring it on cancer
01:00:58
yeah yeah you're up for it you're up for
01:01:00
oh definitely definitely to me dy's not
01:01:02
an option you know it's definitely not
01:01:04
an option um and as I said my end goal
01:01:07
is getting my liver chopped intoo sliced
01:01:09
and diced um so I just have to keep my
01:01:13
body as healthy and and happy and
01:01:16
stressfree as possible so when the time
01:01:20
comes and it will
01:01:22
come um the surgeon and Orland can go
01:01:25
right let's let's do it let's let's cut
01:01:27
that [ __ ] out of your liver and go on
01:01:29
and live a happy life I love the
01:01:32
positivity have to be positive 100% 100%
01:01:36
but a lot of people they get um bad news
01:01:38
like this and it um overwhelms them it's
01:01:41
definitely it still does is yeah as I
01:01:43
said there are times and I ring M up and
01:01:44
I'm a mess and I'm crying and like why
01:01:47
me and there is a time you go why the
01:01:49
hell me but then I think everyone with
01:01:51
cancer goes why me um you know it's just
01:01:56
just it as you said it doesn't
01:01:57
discriminate if you're going to get it
01:01:58
you're going to get it and nothing
01:02:00
nothing you can do can stop that um but
01:02:04
yeah there are times and I think what
01:02:05
I've learned you know is to let yourself
01:02:07
cry to let yourself absolutely like I've
01:02:09
sat on the floor of the shower and I've
01:02:11
been sobbing hysterically because it's
01:02:13
releasing all that you don't want to
01:02:15
hold it in don't hold anything if you
01:02:17
want to scream scream if you want to
01:02:18
throw things you I remember actually
01:02:20
after I saw the oncologist the first
01:02:22
time and mom and dad took me home and
01:02:24
was carrying a water bottle and I was
01:02:26
just I just got this Rush of anger and I
01:02:29
just threw the water bottle and it
01:02:30
smashed into a tree dad picks up the
01:02:32
water bottle it's not the tree's
01:02:34
fault I don't think dare knew what to
01:02:37
say and I just sort of looked at him and
01:02:39
I just went inside and yeah
01:02:43
momy dad picks up the bottle and I'm
01:02:45
just you know just if you just want to
01:02:47
vent just vent because if you hold it in
01:02:50
it's just going to eat away at you and
01:02:51
it's more toxic than anything so were
01:02:53
you quite an emotional person before the
01:02:55
diagnosis no
01:02:57
yes yeah I'm sort of iring nothing okay
01:03:01
okay I've always been one if I'm upset
01:03:03
people know I never you know you know if
01:03:07
I'm going to cry I'm going to cry yeah
01:03:09
um but I've always been really stubborn
01:03:12
and I call it pigheaded and I think
01:03:13
that's going to be to my benefit that
01:03:16
it's going to be like n you're not
01:03:17
taking me you bastard yes so it's been
01:03:20
um like say 6 months or seven months
01:03:23
since you got the diagnosis so you're
01:03:24
proud of yourself yeah I am actually as
01:03:27
as I Pat myself on the back and Mom's
01:03:29
and you know always saying to me you
01:03:31
know I'm so proud you're doing so well
01:03:32
and you're handling it and it's you know
01:03:35
I've just got surrounded by such
01:03:36
incredible people right and and just
01:03:40
recently because I've been horsey crazy
01:03:42
since I was could walk and my best mate
01:03:45
she's like right get out here we're
01:03:47
going for a ride and so it was the best
01:03:49
thing for me you just got to remember
01:03:51
why you're fighting this cuz it can cons
01:03:53
it does consume you and that's why going
01:03:56
for that ride and just just being back
01:03:59
to Jackie again was the best thing for
01:04:01
me CU in going to the beach like I took
01:04:04
Zack there's an organization called
01:04:05
surface healing and um they're a
01:04:07
charitable organization they can't take
01:04:09
kids with autism surfing and we took
01:04:11
Zack over to the mountain it was just so
01:04:12
beautiful watching his little face light
01:04:14
up as he got pushed around on a
01:04:16
longboard he was he was pretty lazy
01:04:17
Surfer it was like just push me
01:04:20
pissant but you know just you just got
01:04:22
to remember and you just got to why why
01:04:25
you fighting that
01:04:26
and remember the be life's precious and
01:04:29
a gift and yeah don't take it for
01:04:31
granted yeah so yeah I love that I think
01:04:35
that's probably a good place to end it
01:04:36
yeah yeah great chat um yeah you
01:04:39
messaged me about doing doing the
01:04:41
podcast like that's how much you want to
01:04:43
um spread the word about um cancer and
01:04:46
early detection and and spreading
01:04:49
awareness which I think is really really
01:04:50
good yeah it's really I mean it's not
01:04:52
for everybody everybody's different like
01:04:54
Dean Dean Barker chose not to say
01:04:56
anything about it until he was out of
01:04:57
the woods and actually he choose not to
01:04:59
even tell his wife about it until you
01:05:01
know the bloodiness still got very very
01:05:03
bad um a man thing cuz actually my
01:05:06
friend's my friend's husband who colon
01:05:08
cancer he was sort of the same and and
01:05:10
she was like what the hell how long's
01:05:12
this been going on I think I think
01:05:14
that's sort of you know I hate to say it
01:05:15
but men sort of they want to fix it they
01:05:18
don't want to yeah I couldn't believe
01:05:19
that about Dean I said I said she's
01:05:21
she's your wife and and he goes yeah
01:05:23
it's not a you know fun thing to talk
01:05:25
about you know but I think yeah people
01:05:27
like you being out there and being
01:05:28
prepared to talk about it it's really
01:05:29
cool yeah so thanks Hees that's all
01:05:32
right thank you and um Good Luck for
01:05:33
everything who's driving home Mom oh I
01:05:35
drive the first part on the motorway cuz
01:05:37
Mom hates Oakland traffic and then once
01:05:39
it gets to a bit more spread out she
01:05:41
jumps in and gets the massage seat going
01:05:43
and off she goes you two on the way back
01:05:46
to Hamilton now th and
01:05:48
Louise thank God there's no CES all
01:05:51
right hey Jackie good luck for
01:05:52
everything thank you you're the
01:05:59
[Music]
01:06:03
n
