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I know this affects pretty much every New Zealander my mother had lung cancer in
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2020 so to still have her here alive today and on the sidelines of my netball games it's something that I'll forever
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treasure the symbol of the deodal is very similar to how I feel about the silver Fern by buying one deodal you're
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wrapping your arms around a whole Community a whole Faro and offering to help yeah so many people
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[Music] Jackie Robertson welcome to my podcast thank you wow what a journey so we're recording
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this um in between chemo weeks y yeah I have um chemo every second week I go in on a Wednesday and they put the first
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light through an IV and then I'm in there about 2 hours and then I wear a little it looks like a baby bottle or wi
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up cuz it's got a port here it's where it goes in here so it's permanently like
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a little area there or wide up for another 46 hours with just a slow relas chemo so yeah every two weeks yeah we'll
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get into um all of that and what chemo means exactly cuz you've been really good at sharing the stuff on Instagram
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and it's um uh I think it's quite good at demystifying things like it's quite
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different from what we see in the movies yeah um maybe the movies are how chemo was in the 80s or '90s um but it feels
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like it's come a long way but yeah first of all take us back to late October 2023
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so you R you run a marathon a couple of weeks before that um you're going for a
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blood test crazy Runner yeah when I always do routine Bloods cuz I don't have a thyroid and when you exercise
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that much and I just think anyone should have yearly Bloods it's just a no-brainer you know go to the doctor get
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y hi Kanye here he is it's probably a good time for the dog to arrive just before we get into the heavy stuff hello
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hello yes okay so you weren't you weren't feeling unwell or anything it was just a I was angry cuz I it was a
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hawk Bay and I only did a half at that day because I was like oh it's a bit boring the Hawks Bay one it's all Flash
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and I do like I love the road R Marathon I love going around that Lake um and I thought I'll do the half and I had my
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time and I wanted to beat my PB and I was a minute 50 off and I was really angry I was so angry with myself and but
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I'd train I was doing 80k a week I was doing three gym sessions as well I was I
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and I'd put it down to I overtrained and I didn't recover as quick as I normal did but I just thought
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overtraining so I went and I actually cuz my doctor I get on really well so she's incredible and I I sent her a
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message going I need a vitamin B12 confusion I say this every year to her and she goes well you do for your Bloods
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come in so I went in and she goes I'm not doing it we do your Bloods full Bloods and then she got them back and
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she's like yeah your your liver mzy are high and I was like oh what does that
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mean she goes I don't know we'll just let's test more for hepatitis and I was
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thinking oh [ __ ] hepatitis and I'm like why couldn't have have been hepatitis um
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so yeah we did a full bloods in that came back negative and to be honest I I've s this to her when I've seen her
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and she hates saying I owe her my life cuz she didn't settle for that she could
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have said let's wait 3 months and see if it's settled you know ease off your
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training um but she said no I want to scan let's go in for an ultrasound the
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rest of my Bloods were fine everything else it was just my liver God he's cute um and she sent me in for an
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ultrasound and then rang Me 2 hours later said I need you to come in so I rang mom and I was like panicked cuz I
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was like holy [ __ ] and Mom's like we know something's up with your lover cuz
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you had love some so we went in and she was you know cleared my doctor was talking to me and I I said to a she
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showed me the scan and I've actually got photos of I can show you um it was a
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mess my my lover you just saw these dark spots every no the light spots on the ultrasound I think and I said what's
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that and she goes she goes you got fluffies there and I'm like well what a fluffies and she's like it looks like
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chers and I said is this cancer and she goes it looks like cancer but let's send you
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to a specialist and then within oh a week I was in it a specialist and then they wanted to do a biopsy on the basic
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they did a CT scan and then they wanted to do a biopsy on the biggest tumor the biggest tumor and my love is 10 cm so it
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was big oh that's massive it was big so so when you when you so this is just
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like your local GP yep so when she says it could be cancer it looks like cancer what then does it feel like you're about
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to faint does St in denial cuz I don't have a thyroid and of course Dr Google
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I'd been on Google and it said you can get these like tumors in your lever from
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thyroid cuz I was taking too I had too much thyroxine and I just thought maybe it's that you know you just think nah
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cuz Mom's had cancer twice I'm thinking no you know we've had our year and I had
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you know our family's got a lot of cancer in it yeah and but also if if you're incredibly F and healthy healthy
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yeah and yeah like I just finished running I was running I was doing you know exercise you know like my liver for
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instance I've never smoked never done drugs very rarely drink you I'm so
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bloody clean I squeak and I think how can my liver be wrong how can it be have all these issues so I was a weeber and
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denial long went in for a biopsy mom came in with me and they did this monster needle and they put it in and
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took tissue out from the um biggest tumor and then I just thought right GE it it'll take you know was it about a
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week he said yeah I um yeah when Went to went back just went on life as normal and then I was at work one day and got a
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phone call and it was my specialist and he's like oh can you talk and I thought
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it's not cancer cuz he would asked me to come in and I said yeah I'll just go
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outside so I walk outside my office and I was working at Shu International then and um walked outside and he goes oh
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I've actually got Co so I can't bring you into the office and I just thought
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oh [ __ ] and he said okay it's come back and I actually thought then it's liver
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cancer and then he said um the biopsy has shown it's colon cancer so Bell cancer that has spread to
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the liver and because of Mom I knew once did spr you're at stage four and I just
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I I collapsed You Know You See It On movies people's legs give away it's
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never happened to me I collapsed on the ground and I everything was spinning and
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I actually pulled my phone I text my amazing workmate I said outside now or some gibberish and she come running out
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and her husband had gone through colon cancer so she took over the phone call and that's how I found out outside on my
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own and wow yeah so what does what does stage for mean means it has spread to distant Parts okay like the crazy thing
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is that I had no symptoms like but now I look back and I think was that a symptom
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like I woke up a few times at night and I was sweating but I'm getting to that
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age yeah and I thought it was that and you know like you know there's a total
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overseer here but you understand stand being a runner like big run sometimes I'd have to do a Sprint to the toilet
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but I just put that down into runner's stomach maybe it wasn't but there were
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no classical signs and even my diet and everything is not one that is risk and and colon cancer Bell cancer was always
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sort of I hate saying an old man's cancer not anymore so the because I've
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had um Alex pler the basketball player on the podcast and also Dean Barker um they both they both got to the point
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where there was a lot of blood stff were you I I did have bleeding but I had a big baby so I had a reason I had
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two special say you've got hemorrhoids so that's what mine was put down to and
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it was you know total overshare it was visible that's what it was but yeah but
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the oversharing thing it's not like it's not a pleasant thing to um share or talk
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about um but I think it's very important it it's really and the growth of like
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there's a friend of mine we um we like banded together like this she's 43 so
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she's just a little bit younger than me she's got stage four colon cancer she
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was diagnosed a month after me and hers has spread to her lmps through her stomach and chest again be's fit active
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she was a the head of PA a private school in Hamilton and it's like both of us like we're very lucky we've got each
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other cuz we vent to each other and no one really knows what you're going through until you've been through it and
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you know both of us our whole our bodies have changed you you know like you know
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we we laughed like you know and I split my jeans this morning i' take some when
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oh [ __ ] steroids and then she's like I tried to suck my gut in or popped a
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blood vessel like we joke about it and we can do that to each other but it's
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just surreal that you know two women like us are going through this with zero symptoms yeah well I think that just
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highlights that cancer doesn't discriminate so you can do all the right things you know the lifestyle factors
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and exercise and all that but it's if you're going to get the tap on the
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shoulder you're going to shoulder so okay so you collaps outside work then like what are the next like 48 hours or
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basically my my two workmates they they were incredible um Nikki who was my boss
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she actually rode with me and you Mom and Dad and all that so they picked me up piled me in a car I think they rang
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mom and said we're on our way Jackie had the results and so mom's on the phone to
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Dad and got Mom and Dad we got to their house and I was just I actually don't
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remember much about it I was just it was like an out of- Body Experience because
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you know I understood what a scary territory I was in and what a you know that it's pretty bad when it's stage 4/
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Advanced cancer um so Nikki and FIS basically explained it all to Mom and Dad and they had to you know his Nick
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who was coached by dad having to tell people she's known for 20 years that this is yeah her
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daughter's diagnosis and we I think we all just went into shock like and disbelief and even even now it still
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feels like a dream like I keep thinking like someone else's dream is my on colge
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just going to ring me and go ha just kidding after 13 Rounds of chemo would probably [ __ ] SL him good but um yeah
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it was it was very blurry I don't remember a lot I just I stayed at Mom and Dad's for a week and just I just
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think I was in total disbelief and next thing I'm in because I've got health
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insurance so and thank gosh I've got health insurance and you know it's worth
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it it is worth what you pay so I was in with an oncologist in no time and when he first saw me and looked at my scans
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he basically I I again got on Google and I talked to people straight away as soon
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as I got got it sunk in that okay this is happening it's never come into my head I'm going to die I won't let it
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come into my head I will not you know like I'm a tougher [ __ ] than cancer so
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yeah you you definitely are yeah we'll get into that did you did did any of the
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oncologists or experts um talk about life expect I won't ask him and I you know he won't and um I know be's
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oncologist heads with her and I said to her you know I've always said we're not
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a stat we're a person and it's changing now especially with bow and colon cancer
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younger people are getting it maybe if I was 70 80 and I got it you know your life expectancy probably is 3 years but
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you know you look at someone like um D Henwood who's four years on still tracking on and but he basically said to
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me you're on chemo for the rest of your life and I was just like and I said what
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about surgery because I know your liver can regenerate you can take away you know up to 20 uh 80% of your liver and
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it will regenerate and my bloody owes me and he just said no not an option ever and I just said and I and I actually
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remembered it then I thought who are you to tell me it's not an option you know
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like cuz I'm stubborn um and so that sort of sort of like oh my God and chemo
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to me I thought I'm going to lose my hair I'm going to be really sick and
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there are so many different types of chemo um he originally was going to put me on the one I can't remember what it's
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called chemo brain but it's basically the real strong one we you lose your ha
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and it's quite and he was going to do that agressive yeah and I was straight
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away like oh and he goes okay we'll start you on the the standard chemo they
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use for cuz there's different ones for different cancers um but after Christmas
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we will up it and so I started on the one and I have lost half my hair like it is a lot thinner
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um and then after Christmas my first scan he's like yeah we're going to keep
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you on this one you know I'm happy and cuz we talked about Target therapy different drugs um I'll get into that a
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bit more about how you know the different type of drugs he can take for cancer but um and then again goes we
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don't need that and then my last scan there been like for me who does not know
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how to read scans I could see a huge difference and I've got the photos on my
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two lover and he actually talked about dropping one of the KE M and I'm like no
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what's my chance of sudy and he goes not yet and I went oh okay he said you just
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need more shrink Edge you need to you know cuz these two little tumors on my left side if they went they' whack off
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my right side but I would you know like my first scan after four rounds of chemo it
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actually showed I had two specks of Scar Tissue on my spine and I said to my oncologist what's that and he goes
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That's cancer cells if that was left it would have gone into my spine I would
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have been to oh is is that why um you need to be on CH for the rest of your life just to sort of ring f it or basic
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try and shrink it and get rid of it or just to maintain it or what well basically they just they don't know it's
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it's crazy like you look at me and Bix we've both got stage four colon cancer
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she's already on a Target therapy cuz who's you know like and I'm not you know
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everyone responds differently my body is weird like I'm someone who takes antinausea and vomits so it's
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like um I've just responded really well to it and you know at the clinic you
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know you see people there's a guy goes see in six weeks every six weeks he gets
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chemo like to me my goal is still to shrink it enough that I can remove get the surgeon can remove part of my lever
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and I can be cancer free that is my goal and that's what I'm aiming for um and he
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went from basically I said to my oncologist at the last um meeting we had I said when you first saw me cuz he's
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he's he's a hard case little Alvin and he I said you did you think this this
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girl's [ __ ] and he goes yeah it didn't look good and I said and now and he goes
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I'm really happy so I'm like okay right but I've had to change a lot food water
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everything lifestyle and I'm integrating everything modern me and plus you know
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the more alternative stuff although in saying that like you you you you say you had to but you didn't you didn't have to
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like you chose to which I think a good thing I think it's confucious of all people that had the quote something like
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um if you're not your own you're a fool and it's like you like doctors and
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oncologist they have like 100 different patients they say and they just give you
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a like basically a split see and sort of diagnosis but yeah you need to you need
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to be the CEO of your own [ __ ] body that's what I like about you why um why
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did you decide to Sho it on social media you you did this quite early and it's
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it's been great but I know a lot of people choose to do it differently like Dean Barker chose to wait until he was
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out of the woods before he even talked about it because people are so scared to talk about it they're so scared of chemo
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like you know remember movies seeing people violently all with Cho okay chos are not nice the side effects I get do
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suck and especially for someone who is so active like me and I go for a 2K walk now I'm like oh my God and I used to run
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20K a day as just a training run um but doctors don't want you being sick they
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don't want you violently vomiting they give you stuff like we on while I'm on
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this the chemo I do take steroids and antinausea okay steroids cause moon face and love handles but I'd rather that
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than cancer so they you know like chemo has this it is it's a strong drug it's
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hard it is hard on the body but it it works so don't be afraid of it and that's what I want to say to people this
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is cancer it is scary this is stage four cancer which even is more scarier but chemo you know like and and doctors and
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medicine and everything I'm doing it I hope I help someone and you know if someone gets some I've had lots of
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people reach out to me and I just don't want anyone else to be in their mid-40s with a young child and
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get this diagnosis so yeah yeah or if they do get the diagnosis to not not be afraid don't
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be afraid to speak and fight you've got to fight for your health 100% so I've
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got this post here how's how's your eyesight it's quite a small font is you
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I asked this because I'm I'm on plus ones these days I've got glass honestly
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K another you know we're like Kimo's the gift that keeps giving yeah so this is
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the first post you shared do you want me to get my plus ones out of the Fu it how old are you what are you 40 46
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46 I'm 51 I got to like 48 49 and I was saying a friend I'm like my is that
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still good I think I'm I've dodged it she's like no nobody gets out actually
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since it was Weary at chemo but since chemo it's like so I have got my glasses
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in here can you read that otherwise I can read this is the yeah yeah do you want me to read it out
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yeah go ahead okay sometimes life throws you a decent curveball and the best thing you can do is smack smack that
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[ __ ] curveball back and out into the field and go for the home run and that's what I'll do thank you to
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everyone who has reached out and contacted me still processing the news and just wanting to spend time with my
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family to get my head around it all just wanted you to know I'm doing okay and I
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will beat this so that was like your first sort of um public post yeah it must have been
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when you um when you press the send or post button on that it must have been a weird did it feel like a relief or was
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it like here goes nothing I've always been quite open like mom always said to
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us growing up you I've got I've got an older brother and younger sister I'm
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classic middle child um she always said if you can't tell us don't do it so my
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brother was still secretive my sister keeps things quiet where I had shared everything with Mom and Dad in the stage
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mom was like I don't want to know so I just thought it's better to share and
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it's better they hear it from me than Chinese Whisperers you know I live in Cambridge it's a small town I don't want
00:19:00
people whispering and talking I don't want my closest friends to have to hear
00:19:05
you know cuz people think stage four is terminal it's not terminal it's not you
00:19:09
can still a lot of people nowadays are getting cured or going into remission um it's not in game and that's
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what I just want to say to people you know you fight cuz your mind's stronger
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than any other thing in the body so yeah I think that's an important message cuz
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um yeah you when you hear stage four do people give you the sympathy eyes like oh you're [ __ ] yeah they do they
00:19:33
do yeah well and if if if that's not the reality anymore then that needs to be
00:19:37
sort of Demi yeah and there's so much and there's you know like you know they
00:19:42
overseas there's so many options and there's a mulligan Mulligan Institute in
00:19:48
Wellington which is all immunotherapy and like it's not it's not funded so if
00:19:52
you go you do have to pay but hopefully the New Zealand government will wake up a bit um but you know there's all these
00:19:59
options out there and every year and that's what I've said to B we've just
00:20:02
got to go okay we're going to make it a year and new drugs will come out right
00:20:05
make it another year and then you there just new stuff coming all the time and I'm prepared to hop on a plane and go
00:20:10
wherever in the world if I have to live cuz I have a 12-year-old boy does it sort of feel like um like your Indiana
00:20:17
Jones K's the big bould behind you and you just just trying to trying to out
00:20:22
run it does actually feel like that and Mom and I were talking about on the way up and back in 2020 mom had stage for
00:20:28
breast cancer so that was just before lockdown or after lockdown um and you do feel like you got a ticking time bomb
00:20:36
and and you know Dad made the comment goes God cancer does take over your life and it does it's like you've got this
00:20:41
like to me I mom says it's a ticking Time Bomb for her I say it's like I've
00:20:45
got this I try and get on with life as normal and go for a walk but there's this thorn in my shoe that I can't get
00:20:50
out and it's constantly there and it's it's that's cancer and that's the
00:20:53
reality of living with them shitty disease like that yeah your mom's actually here today she's sitting hello
00:21:00
sitting just on the sofa watching over us so um yeah how I mean the roles of reversed now like I've seen her in the
00:21:06
background of a lot of your Instagram stories uh she drove you up here today um yeah it must be surreal because I
00:21:13
suppose the way she's feeling now about you it's exactly the same you were
00:21:16
feeling about her four years ago it's yeah like it's it's just unbelievable
00:21:21
like Mom's actually had thyroid and breast cancer so she's a douw me um and
00:21:26
you know we sort of both us we know seriously like what the [ __ ] you know like give us a break you know I lost my
00:21:32
cousin two years ago to nonod lym and it happens so quick and it's like just just
00:21:40
stop you know we you know come on [ __ ] Cloud move on we've had enough but you
00:21:44
know Dad's the one you know some of you seen Mom go through it now you seen me
00:21:48
go through it and dad said to me after I was diagnosed it should be me it should
00:21:52
be me not you yeah y you mentioned your um your M before so you got got a son Zack how old
00:21:59
Z yeah Zack's 12 he's non um non-verbal autistic so it's been so hard on him you
00:22:06
know like um man and his father had 50/50 custody um sheer custody and just because of the monster of chemo and all
00:22:15
the fatigue I have I try to have him as much as possible but he's still not got
00:22:20
that routine which kids on the Spectrum love um there's been a definite rule put
00:22:25
in place that no one talks about my to Zach except me so when I you know stays I go and lay with him and explain to him
00:22:33
cuz he understands everything and that's the the crazy things with kids with
00:22:37
autism or people with Autism they're actually so bloody intelligent um and yeah so I explained
00:22:43
to them that this is happening and mom's having good results and she's sorry so
00:22:47
these just things I've done like I brought a motor home so Zach and I can go away CU I can't go on a plane I I I
00:22:52
don't want to go into a hotel cuz the risk is you know your platelets are low
00:22:56
cuz you're getting blasted with chemo all the time and you're at risk you know
00:23:00
like a paper cut will take weeks to heal all type of things so I I don't want to
00:23:05
risk catching a cold or a flu or something like that and then delaying the chemo because to me I've got my you
00:23:11
know mindset I did have a weak push back just cuz I needed a mental break and I wanted my platelets to lift a bit um but
00:23:20
I've learned to go yeah it's chemo I love K moments you know like yipp of
00:23:28
chemo but to me that's how I cuz my second round I was really anxious and I ended up really sick like I mean I
00:23:37
scared the nurses I could not I was actually vomiting a lot but I was a migraine um and that's when I learned
00:23:44
too cuz they it was just before Christmas and they were giving out bits of fudge you know and I had a bit of
00:23:49
fudge and my body just went n so I I have not touched one bit of processed sugar since that day I've cut off all
00:23:57
processed sugar all Dairy all gluten no red meat and my alkaline alkaline water so yeah God what are you eating for fun
00:24:06
oh honey I've got a friend who does Manuka honey that's my treat so yeah
00:24:10
that's a terrible treat I love it it's funny cuz I never I was never a huge
00:24:15
vuka honey fan and it's like my body just loves it now but yeah like and I used to love chocolate and I just look
00:24:22
at it now and go it's just weird what your body tells you and you have to listen to it so so
00:24:29
how's um how's Zach been through through all this you guys have both done a
00:24:32
phenomenal job by the way like you know you kids are difficult at the best of times but dealing with kids that have um
00:24:38
you know extra needs it makes things tough it's been really hard on him the school he he goes to Patricia R and
00:24:44
Hamilton which is a school for kids with special needs um they've been incredible
00:24:48
we're just doing half days of school now cuz his behavior has escalated like any
00:24:52
I hate using this word and and I know it's not correct but normal child would
00:24:57
react to an ill parent 100% let alone a child with high sensory needs um and he's like he his little face lights up
00:25:07
when he comes to me and you know I've just had to change stuff like I used to
00:25:11
go for runs and he would bike with me he would go for big bike rides and I was always the real active go go go and so
00:25:16
now I've got electric scooters for us and you know electric bikes so I can do
00:25:20
stuff with them and the motor home which he he leals in an RV cuz he's got an
00:25:23
iPad which he types to talk so he's always like and it's a very American RV
00:25:28
like no you've got to go to school so it has been really hard on him and but supp
00:25:35
I suppose it's hard because for 12 years you've put all your sort of energy and
00:25:39
resources into him and now it's like you can't do that you got to I've got to put
00:25:44
it into me and I and it's so hard on me cuz my life has been you know like Zach's my life and that's the reason I'm
00:25:50
fighting so hard for this but you know I just I have to be I have to be selfish and and you know fight and put myself
00:25:59
first and you know like when I've had him I had him three days this week and
00:26:04
four days sorry and then um when he goes to school on the bus I I'll have sleep
00:26:08
for an extra few hours and get ready cuz we're just doing half days of school
00:26:11
just just to help him and yeah it it it's awful and it's awful and I I know
00:26:16
he's hurting and I know he's he's probably scared too and do you try and
00:26:21
put on a brave face or you're quite sort of honest with him I'm very honest like
00:26:24
I show him my port um and he has seen me when I have chemo attach I don't really
00:26:29
like having him around when I've got you know tubes and this toxic bloody stuff
00:26:34
on me but I show him and if he does get a bit like bargy or you know like kids on the Spectrum life they want to do
00:26:41
something they're doing it I have to show them remember mommy's not well and
00:26:45
and he does he does respond but I don't hide it from him um I wouldn't you know
00:26:52
suppose I've been really lucky I haven't been violently vomiting all except for
00:26:55
that one incident but I know to fix him because we used to do so much and we're
00:27:00
out going for Tramps and walks and biking and running and and now a lot of the time when he comes I'm laying on the
00:27:07
bed and we're watching a movie or you know he would do Lego and I'll just lay
00:27:10
beside him so it is it is hard yeah but you just got to love them you just got to share them with as much love as
00:27:16
possible yeah yeah when did you realize Zach was um on on the Spectrum or there was something not quite Zachy you know
00:27:23
actually M and I talking about the other day he said just had just a bloody rough
00:27:26
little life you know you think he he was constantly getting ear infection so again I you know like you I
00:27:33
wasn't Den I didn't I didn't know a lot about autism or well I knew a bit about
00:27:37
ADHD you wouldn't would you cuz Eric seems a little bit ADHD so we knew a little bit um I think
00:27:44
all of us are on actually we are yeah and he sort of probably around the age of well he kept
00:27:52
getting ear infections ended up he had a growth on his middle ear bone called a catoma and quite rare and he had to have
00:28:00
a 4-Hour surgery or something and I just thought oh maybe he's not talking because he couldn't hear properly you
00:28:05
know like and um yeah so they did that and all that and then he did start saying some words and then they just
00:28:12
sort of stopped and then his eye contact he'd only have eye contact with people
00:28:17
he knew like me Eric mom dad and Eric's parents um but even that was you know
00:28:23
like it was more me and Eric and my mom was very Hands-On cuz Eric been away so she was like the the living Nanny too um
00:28:31
and yeah it was probably about three I'd say that the day here was like look there yeah he just wasn't
00:28:40
developing but again the spectrum's like this and physically he's just you know
00:28:44
he's so strong and capable and but the it was the vocab and the eye contact and
00:28:53
yeah he didn't do he didn't really do the classic lining stuff up and all that
00:28:56
but it yeah so it was probably about the age of 3ish and and what about the future what do what does that hold is is
00:29:01
it is it um is it going to get better um don't know like at the moment he's full
00:29:07
of hormones pre teenager um so of course he's like a raging ball at times and other times
00:29:15
he's my little lamb so and it can change like that um I don't know sometimes you
00:29:20
know like he'll just say stuff like you know he'll just come out with words and
00:29:25
you're like oh good words you know he's few times when Mom can do something
00:29:28
because want any he sworn at her and she's like great word Zacky but don't
00:29:31
say that to me you know but we don't know also he pick the the good words oh
00:29:37
yeah he Pi up the good does he oh he Pi up does he really okay so so he can communicate he can it's very it's quite
00:29:44
funny his voice how much it's changed like he he at the moment french fries from McDonald's like he's we're very
00:29:50
lucky he eats really well he's got his dad's appetite he's a good eater and he
00:29:55
loves his french fries and Mom it's a treat mom takes them and he's got his
00:29:58
iPad he's like french fries french fries and you're like so and then Mom goes do
00:30:02
you want one or two and he's like two this real de with two and it's like you
00:30:07
know one no D so wow that's such a such a um hard and complex thing to understand but we can read and we know
00:30:14
what he wants and having that the which the scho D say app and and he'll just
00:30:19
type in like I want normally it's food related or the the RV um but if he wants
00:30:24
to go scootering or use photos of us he wants to go to Nana's or what yeah so
00:30:29
that's been great but it is really hard and it must be bloody hard for him like
00:30:34
frustrating yeah like and he gets angry and the worst thing is you know like we have noticed since me he he gets really
00:30:40
frustrated he bites him his hand like that got and he's actually got calluses
00:30:45
there now and it just breaks my heart cuz you just want to being a mom or you know a parent you just want to take that
00:30:51
that frustration and pain and take it away yeah but I don't know we don't know
00:30:55
what's going the future's going to bring you know the penny could just drop and
00:30:58
he could find something it's just he's so into and like he loves photography
00:31:02
you know go for a walk and there's about a th000 photos on my phone and yeah and
00:31:07
he's but who knows who we don't know what the it's like a crystal ball none
00:31:11
of us know yeah some friends of mine um have a son that was severely autistic like to the point where he couldn't be
00:31:17
around other people he had his like texture book thing at night time and couldn't speak now he's he's in his
00:31:23
early 20s and he's um you if you don't know he's autistic he just seems like
00:31:27
like slightly off like a slightly awkward awkward man um but he's bloody great yeah
00:31:34
yeah so so that's so clever so like Zach can remember a house he lived in when he
00:31:40
was one and a half God I get lost coming up to O I got no sense of direction like
00:31:45
they've got this he's got this photographic memory and um but it's interesting now I know a lot of it you
00:31:50
know about autism and all that you know you meet people and I can sort of pick it on people now I'm like yeah yeah on
00:31:56
the Spectrum um and his his um favorite swear words what do they begin with he's
00:32:01
used the F1 a few times isn't he yeah yeah he's used the F1 that's so funny
00:32:07
he's not speaking but he's got the and it's clear as day the good ones it's
00:32:10
clear as day stage you go what so yeah I Reon that's uh that's coming from um the
00:32:17
time at Dad's house I oh definitely definely not doesn't swear um okay so there's a uh a post from uh
00:32:26
May 15 so this was this last week chemo week oh yeah yeah yeah this is this is a
00:32:33
really long one I I found this really really insightful um so that you say and that makes it round 12 yeah thought I'd
00:32:40
give you a rundown on the side effects of chemo so you you have chemo every second Thursday every second Wednesday
00:32:48
Wednesday okay so you go in um they they put the chemo into there's my little
00:32:54
Port there you can see the bump it goes in the middle there so there's a little
00:32:58
like a valve under my skin that looks like just a scar I sort of Imagine like a just it's just above it it's a little
00:33:04
hard thing and yeah they put it so that way your veins cuz I had it in my arm at
00:33:09
first the pick line cuz they wanted to get there was a weight list for this and they wanted to get the CH on me quick
00:33:14
but you couldn't get your arm wet um it was just and it was such an ice or this
00:33:18
big thing on your arm so basically when it's the um the tube goes up here and
00:33:22
runs all the way it goes to the artery quite close to your heart big main artery um um where now it's just bumed
00:33:30
there so it's and I can hide it I can swim with it I can shower with it I can
00:33:34
like live life normally with it um and yeah so that's the port so so you're going to
00:33:42
get chemo how long are you in for oh nor 3 hours 2 hours 3 hours like charging up
00:33:47
an EV yeah that's pretty much that's good way to put so and then um and then so what does it feel like
00:33:54
when it goes up nothing I feel anything no um yeah I put a numbing patch on that I
00:34:00
forgot last time and it hurt um yeah they just they're fantastic I go to a place called saluted K in Hamilton it's
00:34:07
um because I've got health insurance it's a private one the newses are just
00:34:11
amazing um so they go in they first say well you have to have bloods every two weeks cuz if my platelets are low or
00:34:19
anything like that um they won't do chemo if your platelets I think are under 80 mine was sitting around 84 for
00:34:25
so long and then I just bumped it a away and it went up to 119 so I just needed that um break but that's another thing
00:34:32
I'm always at them I want to see my Bloods I want to know they printed out now I want to know my tumor markers I
00:34:38
want to know what my Li's doing and like I don't know what the hell I'm reading
00:34:41
but I want to know taking active interest yeah patients like you like I wonder if they um if they think oh go
00:34:46
she's a pain in the ass or if they appreciate it I think they' probably appreciate it right they probably do
00:34:51
like with the the tumor markers is the thing that really surprised me um when I was first diagnosed like you've got
00:35:00
there's two there's so many different tumor markers but the two for colon and
00:35:03
bow cancer the ones I get tested for um and I think one of them has a bit to do a liver too and I think the first one
00:35:12
normal like you would be under five I was 790 oh and the other one a healthy person like yourself with no cancer
00:35:23
would be 3 under 37 I think he said I was 1,000 wasn't I or I was 1,700 was cheapers so I was pretty screwed um my
00:35:33
last so every month I have them done um and my last one the one that should be five was 35 and the one that should be
00:35:42
35 is 74 oh so down considerably hugely so okay so when the Cho's going in you
00:35:49
just like play on your phone or read a book or yeah Netflix or yeah talk to Mom or play my phone yeah you just yeah I
00:35:57
talk to the nurse and you know you develop such a good relationship with them they're such an incredible woman so
00:36:02
and then and then you you like can you drive yourself home or do you feel no no they give me a hey
00:36:08
drug I've done it you've gone from being like drug free your entire life to being
00:36:12
like filming out with no they give you um so you only have you two steroids and then you get I can't think what it's
00:36:19
called it's a happy P it's a relaxing and all that and um yeah it just sort of
00:36:25
makes you go and the one time I did drive I um well Mom has always been there with me and gone through every
00:36:33
chemo Clinic like Mom's every scan every chemo session every specialist you know
00:36:38
mom's been there um Mom dropped me off at home and I think yeah I can't remember what we had
00:36:44
to go in and get Zack there' been a miscommunication or something or and um yeah and I couldn't get hold of mom and
00:36:50
I was like [ __ ] [ __ ] sh so I just jumped in my car and I thought I'm not driving
00:36:55
all the way to him go get Mom first cuz she's only just up and I was hitting
00:36:58
roundabouts and I'm like hell's wrong with me like I felt like Mr M remember
00:37:03
Mr M that's what I felt like and then I said to my nurse you know I drive she
00:37:08
goes oh don't drive do not drive on those pearls because you just yeah like I thought I was fine but I was banging
00:37:13
into the round like what the hell like you're driving drunk anyway totally so
00:37:17
yeah this is another post you Shar so this was um December 7 MH um first Cameo day you want to read that out God I need
00:37:24
my glasses I can go and grab you the plus ones you know today marks the start of the toughest journey of my life
00:37:31
anxiety levels have been through the roof and I have definitely gone into the Jacky cave to try and work through all
00:37:36
this how can someone so fit healthy runs Marathon have stage four cancer and zero
00:37:41
symptoms but being a fit healthy person is going to help me fight this today is my first day of chemo and the pump stays
00:37:48
on me for 46 hours even though I'm so scared I will fight this with everything
00:37:53
I've got I won't leave any sorry Z thing I won't leave any Rock unturned my strength comes from my
00:38:09
darling little boy Zack mommy is going to beat this my baby also thank you for all your messages and
00:38:17
support I'm so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people [ __ ] you cancer time
00:38:23
to fake cake you nasty [ __ ] um a special Thanks goes out to my amazing support Angels who have wrapped
00:38:32
their wings around me in these past few weeks my amazing parents Gary and Sharon
00:38:37
my brother and sister Brook and Daye Nick and fris my counselors Elana Robin Joe
00:38:43
Renee um and last but definitely not least my absolute beandy you are really my backbone and I love you
00:38:52
endlessly yeah yeah is it tough to reflect on that yeah it is it is it is it's
00:39:01
just it still as I said it seems surreal it yeah it seems like it's a bad dream
00:39:11
and yeah it seems like a really bad dream and you know when I think of Zach and I just I want to be there to see him
00:39:19
grow up you know he needs his mom yeah but it must sh you must be proud like you think about how how scared you were
00:39:27
of the now and then and now you're how 12 rounds 12 rounds next week so yeah
00:39:31
yeah now I'm like Cho Kemo coffee wow yeah okay so chemo um yeah in this big post you did last week you said
00:39:43
firstly it's not as scary as in the movies yeah it's not fun but the doctors
00:39:47
don't want you violently sick so there's mids to help there yeah I found this
00:39:51
really interesting just you know demystifying all these things about cancer uh fatigue is like nothing I've
00:39:57
experience running a marathon is a breeze oh it is like you know you run a marathon your body aches and you're sore
00:40:03
but you've got that the dophins and all that you don't have the endorphins with
00:40:07
chemo fatigue um you it just and it will just hit you like but I have learned that um going for little walks helps
00:40:15
with fatigue you know fresh air and all that um but yeah it's sort of it's
00:40:20
probably 3 days after the pump comes off you know like this you just you just need days NS um but I'm or three days
00:40:28
yeah probably three yeah but like yeah cuz chemo stays in your body for about 7 days so um so so we're recording this 8
00:40:36
days after your last round is this sort like The Sweet Spot do you have a window
00:40:39
that's um the it's cuz it's I can't pronounce ke my brain it builds up your
00:40:45
system I'm trying to think of the word but now it's not there um the more
00:40:49
rounds you have the more the side effects like the tingling in my hands and feet and in the tip of my tongue and
00:40:55
all that that's probably got worse like I've been so lucky with the nausea like
00:40:59
I've put it down to um it's sort of like morning sickness if I let myself get
00:41:04
hungry I'm like oh I feel a bit sick but I know what to eat and what to not eat
00:41:08
and yeah but it's sort of yeah it's sort of 7 days out that's when everything
00:41:14
leaves your body your body can get I sometimes get migraines cuz you sort of the steroids are gone and this is gone
00:41:19
but you just manage it is that what the steroids do they like pain relief they take out the inflammation on the body
00:41:26
cuz of chemo causes inflammation and all that so it takes that out so you only take them for 4 days so just 2 in the
00:41:32
morning right but yeah um the chemo I'm on you don't lose your hair but it thins
00:41:38
a lot I had a lion's man now I kind of feel like Dr Evil's cat yeah your hair
00:41:45
looks fine though do you want there cliffing in here oh really yeah but to cover up it's not bold spots it just
00:41:51
thins so you go through it like I did have thick ha um and it's all starting
00:41:56
to grow back I my cousin put me on to this incredible woman who's a wellness
00:42:00
practitioner and she's she's a cancer survivor and survived a really aggressive cancer 10 years on and she's
00:42:06
got me on all the right practitioner grapes supplements so now it's all growing back but again's growing back
00:42:14
fing white not even white so I've got all this regrowth of white here and I'm
00:42:20
like serious yeah like your mom is that natural that's natural yeah yeah wow so
00:42:27
yeah well look your mom's your mom's beautiful if you exactly um numbness in
00:42:32
your hands or feet and now the tip of my tongue cold water feels like electric shocks trying to take something out of
00:42:38
the fridge as torture what do you mean like holding it well basic the tips of your fingers um there's a word for it
00:42:44
again sorry um but it's like all time you got slightly pins and needles or they're just a little bit numb and you
00:42:50
go to grab something out of the fridge and honestly it's like freezer burn on
00:42:53
your fingers and you're just like oh and and drinking ice chilled water um the
00:42:59
nerves in your throat it's like they contract and it feels like they're closing over and you can't breathe but
00:43:03
you can but it's just everything's and yeah the hands are getting bitter but the cold weather's
00:43:08
brought on the feet and I was just walking down pons Road and I tripped and Mom said you're all right and I was like
00:43:13
[ __ ] feet what's it's amazing cuz no you never hear about the stuff no one tells
00:43:19
you about the stuff it's very very com the tip of my tongue is just weird um
00:43:23
but again it's like it's funny cuz Bey on two or three rounds ahead of her so
00:43:29
I'm always like this is a new side effect like the great thing I had a we while back I think it was after round
00:43:34
eight I got good old oral thrust so my mouth is just like cotton wool and I message her going oh my gosh and then
00:43:41
she's like thank God I haven't had that through you ex lat she goes you'll never
00:43:45
guess what I've got so we've sort of laughed with each other but we just go
00:43:48
it's the gift that keeps giving yeah with every every round there's another surprise like another
00:43:54
layer to unrap um yeah next point you bring up in this post from May 15 is choin which youve mentioned a couple of
00:44:00
times today uh worse than being a blonde offensive you can say it I can't you
00:44:07
forget things mid sentence thinking clearly and concentrating as hard yeah like honestly you'll be talking and it's
00:44:13
like someone has just gone PS and you're like sh what was I just saying or you
00:44:20
know the words right there but you can't remember how to say the word um CU a a
00:44:24
lot of people a lot of women experience things like this pregnancy right baby brain did you have it with uh with Zack
00:44:30
at all or is it different I don't know I can't remember I don't think I did maybe
00:44:34
not no no like yeah I um yeah it's just nuts like I've been going to a um
00:44:40
restorative therapist who works on breathing and yoga poses and different and she's been incredible for my stress
00:44:46
levels like I I don't think I would have got through a lot of this without her
00:44:50
and yeah a lot of time I'm talking to her and then I just stop and she knows
00:44:54
totally what's happened and I'm like yeah okay we change a subject I can't
00:44:58
even remember what I was talking about and it's sort of we laugh like a lot of
00:45:02
the time it happens to Mom and she mom's been finishing my sentences cuz it's
00:45:06
she's going to be my driver and my translator soon well that's good that's
00:45:11
good does she ever get it wrong you're like no M that's not what I uh the next one bow motions
00:45:18
constipation or diarrhea this is usually caused by the anti nausea antinausea and
00:45:22
steroids I have only had severe constipation at the start of treatment W it was so so bad and
00:45:29
happened this is over sharing mom sometimes do you think the Instagram stuff's too much no uh and it
00:45:38
happened late at night that's when the the pump bottle came in handy what does
00:45:42
that mean Pump bottle came in handy as there's no after hours well I didn't
00:45:48
have an so you like hot water no I think we just blasted that's when you know your mother loves you oh
00:45:59
my God what did your mom do it really yeah BL you tri something that off your Jesus you guys have a good
00:46:11
relationship good relationship great relationship but yeah it was like I was sort of half well the first the funny
00:46:18
thing is I was at Mom and Dad's and it was bad and now I've learned to manage
00:46:22
it and all that and it was so bad I was so painful and I was like I this is so gross it was just sitting there and I
00:46:28
was like oh my God I can't go I can't go and I was in an Agony and we didn't have
00:46:32
a pump bottle so Dad out this he' cleaned it an old dishwashing liquid bottle and we're like that's not going
00:46:39
to work so Mom races off to the the petrol station comes back with pump bottles and I say I'm in the toilet
00:46:46
going oh she goes right bend over off we go worked God that is beyond the call how how old is your mom a what are you
00:46:57
60s coming up 72 coming up 72 yeah you think you know pH is over with you think you're
00:47:05
out of the woods but you never you never saw this in your life wow where's so dad's dad's not
00:47:14
dad's out of the room dad doesn't dad just like Dad had what he's done it to Mom before she
00:47:23
passes on [Applause] every so we we yeah this is a this is a really good family Dynamic though like
00:47:32
it's it's Inc you know it's it's a horrible [ __ ] of a disease but it
00:47:35
really shows you who loves you and cares for you and of course your parents do but we did laugh about that like once it
00:47:41
was over I was a bit like oh my God but um yeah once it was over we've had a few
00:47:46
good laughs about it like and you got to laugh cuz it takes so much joy out of your life and you're living with this
00:47:53
horrible which my workmate first calls it rust you know know you want to get that rust out of your body but yeah like
00:48:00
we we did have a good laugh about that and yeah so but now I definitely kiwi fruit is my best
00:48:06
friend I don't want to go through that again and I haven't drunk out of a pump
00:48:10
bottle since yeah cuz um I mean you you can you can laugh laugh your way thrat and as they say if you don't laugh
00:48:16
you're going to [ __ ] cry and you've got a great relationship with your
00:48:19
parents and they're there for you but you're still like this you know fiercely
00:48:24
independent um and driven your woman so from a you like a like a pride perspective like you know must be
00:48:32
embarrassing ah I actually wasn't embarrassed at all I just wanted it to you just wanted to P out I just wanted
00:48:39
to go I was like just make it work so we did tell my my oncologist didn't we and
00:48:46
he was like oh how I give you some tablets for that I don't think you really like the idea that we were doing
00:48:52
that but needs must I I had severe constipation in my teens and it's I imagine pregnancy to be like it was like
00:48:58
the worst gut pain imaginable oh it's horrible aw yeah but I haven't touched
00:49:03
wood hadn't since then so um the next thing as we move on fromation um I know
00:49:11
it's it's so interesting because and it's not something that we should I
00:49:14
think Shy Away from because um you know I think awareness with this sort of stuff is key that's good uh taste buds
00:49:20
are dead everything tastes kind of the same yeah yeah it definitely is like um you know I still well basically on quite
00:49:27
much a plant-based diet now um and I have brought fresh salmon and I'll have
00:49:34
um organic free range chicken but I'm really really careful with what I'm
00:49:38
eating and when I actually met mom and dad's coming there quite a bit and you
00:49:42
know when I'll cook and I'll go try it mom goes what do you think it tastes
00:49:45
like I mean it tastes the bloody sa to me but it honestly does and that's why I
00:49:49
think I love my Manuka honey so much because it's such a strong flavor I get
00:49:52
a taste but um yeah you just like even now it's just a weird feeling in your
00:49:58
mouth it's just it has to be a pretty strong flavor for me to go oh I taste that so you see you and your mom went
00:50:04
out for lunch just before coming here to say what did you eat I had cauliflower soup yeah and it was good I actually
00:50:09
could taste you know he had like there's some spices in this but again you know I
00:50:13
have um that person at a restaurant the people person I used to go too like say he there got no gluten in it no dairy in
00:50:20
it is you know like I'm just and I won't even drink the water cuz I only drink
00:50:24
souit and water um I'm r into my juices now cuz there's been a lot of studies
00:50:28
especially green juices um but yeah I am that person in a restaurant that people
00:50:34
go [ __ ] you're doing all the right things aren't you oh you have to yeah
00:50:39
you have to you know like yeah and I miss cheese gosh I miss cheese and you know I found out from my friend who's
00:50:47
that Health practitioner she said you know you can have goat fet or goat cheese and so that was like a treat it's
00:50:52
disgusting but it's like a treat like oh yeah I'm goat Fe but yeah and you know
00:50:58
really lucky there you know that beautiful regland coconut yogurt thank God I like that because yeah because
00:51:04
interesting is Dair is one of the probably worst things for cancer too so yeah wow um the next one was this is
00:51:13
something you bought up already uh mouth ulcers lip Burns and good old oral thrush what does what does that mean
00:51:18
just basically a mouthful of but I've been really lucky because the first thing that the nurses said to me salt
00:51:25
water baking soda mouth rins when you're in chemo because some reason you just
00:51:28
get ulcers um Becky who I've talked about a lot she has continuously got like burns on a lap I had it maybe the
00:51:34
first two rounds and I thought oh God great I'm getting cold SS now but it wasn't and there I've just learned to
00:51:41
manage it now and I've learned the stuff that works and that doesn't um yeah oral
00:51:46
thrush was just disgusting what's that basically it's a a yeast spilled up I
00:51:51
think in your mouth and because my immune system is so toast and that's why I'm on all these supplements now to
00:51:57
build my your gut health is so important if your gut's not right and chemo does
00:52:01
blast everything um and yeah my mouth you poked my tongue out and was like white
00:52:06
and it sounds gross but it looked Fury and it was just like I had cotton war in my mouth so um I know a lot of babies
00:52:12
get it um so I've treated that and then I just manage it now just yeah and then
00:52:18
cuts that won't heal a small paper cut will bleed like a [ __ ] and take two
00:52:22
weeks to heal oh it's such a pain but that's again your platelets and all that
00:52:26
and um keep knocking that um yeah but it's just just such a pain like you just
00:52:32
scratch yourself and you bleed and bleed and bleed I'm like oh you can stop now
00:52:35
but yeah it's just one of those things but that's the doys of chemo and cancer
00:52:39
patients you just have to be so careful so steroids oh hello moon face and love handles you look you look right you
00:52:49
quite self-conscious about it do you think you've blow it up quite a bit oh yeah yeah just would I split the ass in
00:52:54
my jeans um yeah just I think because I'd gone from that runner's body you know like
00:53:02
everything was toned and I had abs and you that row say the runners bum which is that AAL taunt bum and now it's like
00:53:08
I feel like freaking a saggy elephant but it's probably more me and I have put
00:53:12
on probably four 5 kg but it's better on going that way than going down you know
00:53:17
and that's what the nurses go we'd rather you put on weight than lose weight um but I think you just you miss
00:53:23
like I miss that know it sounds vain that runner's body cuz you do you just you you know like it's funny we looked
00:53:30
at my scan my scan when I first got it and they do back view in front view of the the CT scan and like there was they
00:53:37
could see like your skin around the outside of your body and I had nothing there was nothing there then the last
00:53:42
one it was like these love handles and I'm like what the hell's that I must
00:53:46
have been wearing extra tight pants like it's it's funny he because it's like
00:53:51
from um from outside appearances like anyone that was at the cafe that you guys would just at no one would be able
00:53:55
to tell that you're you're going through anything yeah yeah it is and it's a
00:54:00
crazy thing you know like um vix and I are doing a an article for women's day
00:54:05
cuz it's Bell Cancer Month next month and both of us like they said to us oh
00:54:10
do you have photo of you and you have chemo and looking sick and I'm like we
00:54:13
don't look sick we don't look sick for us we you know like mom always says you
00:54:17
know the are days when I went to Mom's house and I spent three days in beard I
00:54:21
was just wiped and you know I do like every morning I still get up and check my eyes to make sure they're not yellow
00:54:27
cuz I got tumors in my you know liver I'm terrified I'm going to end up with
00:54:30
jaundice but you know chance I won't but um we don't yeah we don't look sick but
00:54:37
and that's the the scary thing with especially this colon cancer in under 50s it's getting diagnosed really late
00:54:45
and people look really healthy yeah but you you were you weren't diagnosed late
00:54:49
though were you you you you weren't diagnosed late you were well I had blood
00:54:53
tests in 2022 and everything was perfect and then I blood test in 2023 and my li
00:54:59
so I have no idea how long like the basically the tumor of my colon cuz I had the colonoscopy and all that um it's
00:55:09
just was just on about 3 cm it's 40 cm into my colon and the rest of my colon
00:55:15
is if you can say a picture perfect colon it is there's no other PPS it's
00:55:18
just this one freaking mushroom and um even that it didn't even look that angry
00:55:24
and then I'm like how can this you know you hear of people who have 12 CM tumors
00:55:29
that don't spread and I said to my oncologist why why did I have this one and it's quite a clean tumor decide to
00:55:35
go and have a good massive party in my lover and he's like just takes one little cell one and cuz you got the
00:55:40
portal vein that runs that area and he said it's the most common place that all
00:55:44
spread is to the liver and I just you know times I've gone bloody [ __ ] ungrateful body you know like I've
00:55:50
looked after you so well this is how you think me [ __ ] you exactly and you do feel like and you know my Instagram post
00:55:58
you know I'm putting on this real but there are times I crumble and I cry and
00:56:02
I've been you know on the phone to Mom absolutely beside myself and I can't and
00:56:06
there are times I go and it's just venting cuz I'll never give in but it's
00:56:09
like I can't keep fighting this I don't want this I you mourn your old life you
00:56:14
and it's the best way it's like you've lost your old life you've things you
00:56:19
took for granted you wish you hadn't now and and it definitely puts life into a
00:56:24
whole new perspective and what's important in life you know I to be honest I used to go and get BOTOX and
00:56:29
all that it's like oh [ __ ] growing old's a privilege I'd never do that now who
00:56:35
cares if I've got wrinkles and you I'll be happy if I can live to a ripe old age
00:56:40
so yeah yeah I like that it's a good takeaway yeah um yeah I think another good takeaway from this is just the
00:56:47
importance of um yeah like basically being the CEO of your own body doing your own research seems like you've
00:56:53
spent a lot of time online and I have stage M can you please start reading a book to give yourself a break from caner
00:57:00
Reading up about that um and also like for instance of a bit of a background with Bal can Bal cancer is the second
00:57:08
biggest killer of cancer in New Zealand behind lung and um it's been over 20 years since new
00:57:16
any new funded drugs have come in so there's people dying of bell cancer cuz
00:57:21
they can't afford to pay for the drugs you know like some of these drugs are 60
00:57:25
Grand a year and if they can't afford it you're did and it's it's wrong it's it's
00:57:31
it makes me actually quite angry cuz it's like you know that's not fair it's
00:57:35
really not fair that because you know even if you have health insurance it still doesn't cover the whole
00:57:41
amount um and if these you know like 9,500 people die of cancer a year in New Zealand we're one of the highest rates
00:57:50
per population per population why you know why we why is this happening in New Zealand why
00:57:58
are so many more people die of cancer than on the road and it's just freaking
00:58:03
scary and the stuff I've learned and I've talked to the the Bell cancer um
00:58:09
Society have been incredible like they they send out little funding packages like they gave me $150 towards groceries
00:58:14
or you can have it towards petrol and like just stuff like that um where actually me and Vicky along with my
00:58:21
friend Renee who's a designer of maou um it's a New Zealand label which t-shirt
00:58:27
is here she's doing a Jack and B range and it's all of these t-shirts and
00:58:30
they're 100% Pac cotton which is from Peru and it's Jack and bick's collection
00:58:35
and 50% of the proceeds are going to Bell cancer research and Renee goes I want to do this I want to so yeah Bix
00:58:41
and I are going to be the front of that and it's just like we need to to push
00:58:45
Bell cancer because it's growing so much and the screening like Bell cancer screening you know it's like over 60 I
00:58:52
think why isn't it younger cuz there's more I think I somewhere could be wrong
00:58:58
but it's been a 70% increase in under 50 cancers that's [ __ ] scary wow is that a diet thing
00:59:06
or a lifestyle thing what is it well what you know it's another thing me and
00:59:09
my friend Google um I'm like what is it you know you know is it our water is it
00:59:16
our food is it pesticides we're spraying and is it you know like what is it but
00:59:22
we just just don't know it's just and it's scary cuz if it's going to continue
00:59:27
to grow that what's Zach's Generation The Generation after him and you know
00:59:32
like he's govern need to bring more funded drugs in because you know I'm
00:59:37
prepared to go to Australia I'll go into Australia and get what I need to get
00:59:41
over there and pay what I have to because they're so Advanced they're one
00:59:44
of the leaders in cancer research in the world so I'm prepared to do whatever but
00:59:48
you shouldn't have to yeah yeah cancer Cancer's picked the wrong person you you
00:59:53
you do love um you you know the squeaky the squeaky wheel gets the oil is that the same yeah I you're the
01:00:01
squeaky wheel like when you and Eric were together and Zach was young um you know you did you did a lot to raise
01:00:07
awareness of autism and Eric was on Dancing With the Stars raising money for he wasn't on very long maybe longer than
01:00:13
what he should have been you see he took it quite seriously he oh he's very competitive yeah yeah yeah um
01:00:21
so that was then and now now like the work that you'll do um you with colon cancer Bale cancer is um just as
01:00:29
important if not more important you know and yeah it is it's so important it's
01:00:34
yeah and you know you know I'll fight for it cuz I don't want I don't want
01:00:39
other people going through this you know if I could help someone just one person
01:00:44
if they get this to get it at stage one or two you know that's a win because you
01:00:49
know stage four it's not a death sentence but it means your fights a lot harder and yeah you bring it on cancer
01:00:58
yeah yeah you're up for it you're up for oh definitely definitely to me dy's not
01:01:02
an option you know it's definitely not an option um and as I said my end goal
01:01:07
is getting my liver chopped intoo sliced and diced um so I just have to keep my body as healthy and and happy and
01:01:16
stressfree as possible so when the time comes and it will come um the surgeon and Orland can go
01:01:25
right let's let's do it let's let's cut that [ __ ] out of your liver and go on
01:01:29
and live a happy life I love the positivity have to be positive 100% 100% but a lot of people they get um bad news
01:01:38
like this and it um overwhelms them it's definitely it still does is yeah as I
01:01:43
said there are times and I ring M up and I'm a mess and I'm crying and like why
01:01:47
me and there is a time you go why the hell me but then I think everyone with cancer goes why me um you know it's just
01:01:56
just it as you said it doesn't discriminate if you're going to get it you're going to get it and nothing
01:02:00
nothing you can do can stop that um but yeah there are times and I think what I've learned you know is to let yourself
01:02:07
cry to let yourself absolutely like I've sat on the floor of the shower and I've
01:02:11
been sobbing hysterically because it's releasing all that you don't want to
01:02:15
hold it in don't hold anything if you want to scream scream if you want to throw things you I remember actually
01:02:20
after I saw the oncologist the first time and mom and dad took me home and was carrying a water bottle and I was
01:02:26
just I just got this Rush of anger and I just threw the water bottle and it smashed into a tree dad picks up the
01:02:32
water bottle it's not the tree's fault I don't think dare knew what to
01:02:37
say and I just sort of looked at him and I just went inside and yeah momy dad picks up the bottle and I'm
01:02:45
just you know just if you just want to vent just vent because if you hold it in it's just going to eat away at you and
01:02:51
it's more toxic than anything so were you quite an emotional person before the
01:02:55
diagnosis no yes yeah I'm sort of iring nothing okay okay I've always been one if I'm upset
01:03:03
people know I never you know you know if I'm going to cry I'm going to cry yeah
01:03:09
um but I've always been really stubborn and I call it pigheaded and I think that's going to be to my benefit that
01:03:16
it's going to be like n you're not taking me you bastard yes so it's been
01:03:20
um like say 6 months or seven months since you got the diagnosis so you're proud of yourself yeah I am actually as
01:03:27
as I Pat myself on the back and Mom's and you know always saying to me you know I'm so proud you're doing so well
01:03:32
and you're handling it and it's you know I've just got surrounded by such
01:03:36
incredible people right and and just recently because I've been horsey crazy
01:03:42
since I was could walk and my best mate she's like right get out here we're
01:03:47
going for a ride and so it was the best thing for me you just got to remember why you're fighting this cuz it can cons
01:03:53
it does consume you and that's why going for that ride and just just being back
01:03:59
to Jackie again was the best thing for me CU in going to the beach like I took Zack there's an organization called
01:04:05
surface healing and um they're a charitable organization they can't take
01:04:09
kids with autism surfing and we took Zack over to the mountain it was just so beautiful watching his little face light
01:04:14
up as he got pushed around on a longboard he was he was pretty lazy Surfer it was like just push me
01:04:20
pissant but you know just you just got to remember and you just got to why why you fighting that
01:04:26
and remember the be life's precious and a gift and yeah don't take it for
01:04:31
granted yeah so yeah I love that I think that's probably a good place to end it
01:04:36
yeah yeah great chat um yeah you messaged me about doing doing the podcast like that's how much you want to
01:04:43
um spread the word about um cancer and early detection and and spreading awareness which I think is really really
01:04:50
good yeah it's really I mean it's not for everybody everybody's different like
01:04:54
Dean Dean Barker chose not to say anything about it until he was out of the woods and actually he choose not to
01:04:59
even tell his wife about it until you know the bloodiness still got very very bad um a man thing cuz actually my
01:05:06
friend's my friend's husband who colon cancer he was sort of the same and and
01:05:10
she was like what the hell how long's this been going on I think I think that's sort of you know I hate to say it
01:05:15
but men sort of they want to fix it they don't want to yeah I couldn't believe
01:05:19
that about Dean I said I said she's she's your wife and and he goes yeah
01:05:23
it's not a you know fun thing to talk about you know but I think yeah people
01:05:27
like you being out there and being prepared to talk about it it's really cool yeah so thanks Hees that's all
01:05:32
right thank you and um Good Luck for everything who's driving home Mom oh I drive the first part on the motorway cuz
01:05:37
Mom hates Oakland traffic and then once it gets to a bit more spread out she jumps in and gets the massage seat going
01:05:43
and off she goes you two on the way back to Hamilton now th and Louise thank God there's no CES all
01:05:51
right hey Jackie good luck for everything thank you you're the [Music] n