00:00:00
myy Baker welcome to my podcast oh
00:00:02
thanks Tom I I I think it's worth
00:00:05
mentioning at the outset um you mess you
00:00:08
weren't even on my radar and you
00:00:10
messaged me out of the blue and said um
00:00:12
can I can I come on your podcast or
00:00:14
words to that effect yeah well basically
00:00:16
I want to have a look at your setup Dom
00:00:18
so um I wanted to make sure that we're
00:00:22
looking at to do something quite similar
00:00:24
but in a different sense so we're going
00:00:25
to talk about that afterwards so thought
00:00:27
I'd come to the person who actually does
00:00:29
podcast
00:00:30
so yeah so we're looking at to do a
00:00:32
moldi Pacifica one and we're just trying
00:00:34
to get funding for it so thought why not
00:00:37
talk to Dom actually be on his podcast
00:00:40
and try and get some money at the same
00:00:41
time I know I um I I really appreciated
00:00:45
the the courage and since I've been yeah
00:00:47
courage is the word confidence I don't
00:00:49
know um but since I've been doing this
00:00:50
podcast that's happened happened a bit
00:00:52
where people have asked to come on the
00:00:53
first couple of times that happened I
00:00:55
thought oh that person [ __ ] rates
00:00:57
them and then and then as I've gone I've
00:01:00
realized um the issue with that is me
00:01:03
that's like a tall poppy thing and I was
00:01:04
part of the problem so now when someone
00:01:06
reaches out to me and says can I come on
00:01:07
your podcast I'm not always going to say
00:01:09
yes it's not always going to be a fit oh
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it's not [ __ ] here straight away it's
00:01:12
not [ __ ] here straight away no no but I
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I I even even if it's not a year I
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applaud people doing it I think it's
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really cool and um yeah I'm trying to
00:01:20
change my mindset in the way I view the
00:01:23
those things because it's very unky
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isn't it to put yourself forward like
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that I think it is and that's why like
00:01:28
things like this I think your podcast
00:01:30
what I've not what I've liked about it
00:01:31
is that it's a range of people it's not
00:01:34
just sport it's not high level not
00:01:36
always high level people it's people out
00:01:38
of the blue that have got a really good
00:01:39
story and and then you you're able to
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draw it out of them so that was one of
00:01:44
the things why I thought you know what
00:01:45
this would be great to start off with
00:01:47
see what it looks like come on have
00:01:49
maybe have a look at my own story um
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yeah yeah well you're going to have to
00:01:54
fill in some blanks because I've I
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researched quite a bit and I reached out
00:01:57
to some um people in the community as
00:01:59
you and um not a lot of information came
00:02:01
back from my digging um but I feel like
00:02:03
if you're willing to put yourself
00:02:05
forward to come on then you're willing
00:02:06
to tell the stories as well so who is
00:02:09
mey Baker uh yeah in a nutshell in a
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nutshell so I was uh bought born and
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bred down in the bottom of the earth so
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basically on a farm that could see
00:02:18
Stewart Island so that's uh I guess we
00:02:21
were the only multi farmers in that area
00:02:24
so my my parents owned a farm when I was
00:02:26
really young and then right up to I was
00:02:29
about 16 moved off there in a 10 acre
00:02:31
block outside of
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inago um but yeah so went to high school
00:02:36
down there played a lot of hockey field
00:02:38
hockey played for eight New Zealand age
00:02:40
groups and then went to St Margaret's
00:02:42
and Christ Church which is a private
00:02:44
school not a lot of
00:02:47
moldies say South iseland is not no
00:02:50
place for a moldy talk 70s ' 80s uh '
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80s ' 80s yeah ' 80s and '90s so um so
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very much dis attached to my culture
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um yeah so ended up playing hockey there
00:03:03
we made some New Zealand sides and
00:03:05
things like that got burnt out um would
00:03:08
be the word so I was in a New Zealand
00:03:10
Doo Academy and basically I just
00:03:13
couldn't do it anymore and what what I
00:03:15
wanted to talk about is like coming from
00:03:18
a multi family right down the bottom of
00:03:20
the earth is around about what happens
00:03:23
in mul familyes especially when alcohol
00:03:25
is involved um and then how how that
00:03:29
Translate into Sport and what happens in
00:03:31
sports teams and things like that so we
00:03:35
ended I ended up basically stopping
00:03:38
playing hockey when I got out of school
00:03:40
went to University at kenary University
00:03:42
stopped playing hockey all together
00:03:44
found started playing rugby the culture
00:03:47
in rugby is the one of the best cultures
00:03:50
that you'll ever find I've got best
00:03:51
friends there and things like that but
00:03:54
on on the flip side of that there's also
00:03:56
this drinking binge culture that I um
00:04:00
gravitated towards and so had a great
00:04:02
time lots of lots of drinking on the F
00:04:05
and off the on the flip side there's
00:04:07
lots of lots of drinking right um so
00:04:09
played played a lot of rugby played for
00:04:11
canbury played um sevens as well for Al
00:04:14
M for 10 years then I went on to play
00:04:17
rugby league was kiwi firm we won a
00:04:20
World Cup in 2004 played uh I guess for
00:04:24
did the first um Queensland versus new
00:04:27
played for Queensland um then went over
00:04:29
season played coached overseas for 10
00:04:31
years and then came back home so since
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I've been
00:04:37
home um sobriety like you know I stopped
00:04:41
drinking uh started happening a couple
00:04:43
years ago where I stopped drinking um at
00:04:45
what age I started stop completely
00:04:49
stopped was this year but for the last
00:04:51
three years I've sort of sort of like
00:04:53
maybe had a drink or two or things like
00:04:55
that and haven't touched really any
00:04:56
alcohol for for this whole year sort of
00:04:59
thing
00:05:00
and what that's done and I tell you what
00:05:03
I think alcohol for one thing sport is
00:05:07
great you've got your friends right when
00:05:09
you stop playing sport everyone's doing
00:05:11
their own thing but your alcohol you
00:05:14
still can drink and you can still go out
00:05:15
your mates and whatever when you stop
00:05:17
playing Sport and you stop drinking
00:05:20
sobriety is actually [ __ ] hard like
00:05:23
not
00:05:24
drinking it's not the fact that you it's
00:05:26
the alcohol you can stop drinking
00:05:27
alcohol that's easy but it's actually
00:05:29
all the emotional things that come with
00:05:31
alcohol it's like numbing and you don't
00:05:34
get to feel it cuz you get to go out and
00:05:35
drink with your mates and have a good
00:05:36
time yeah you don't been fixed but once
00:05:39
that stops IT it's actually [ __ ] hard
00:05:43
yeah yeah well there's um there is a lot
00:05:46
to unpack um so I appreciate that
00:05:49
introduction it's like the the condensed
00:05:51
version of the M Baker story yeah um
00:05:55
okay we'll go to a recent time then
00:05:56
we'll go all the way back so um you sort
00:06:00
of I suppose your phone was popping off
00:06:02
a couple of years ago when Ruby tu's
00:06:03
book came out Ruby probably the the
00:06:06
biggest thing in New Zealand women's
00:06:08
rugby at the moment um so in the the
00:06:11
opening chapter of her book um you get a
00:06:13
mention
00:06:15
and first of all I want to know like did
00:06:17
she give you heads up like did she
00:06:19
message you say hey M I'm going to talk
00:06:20
about you in the book is this all good
00:06:21
or is it a complete surprise and you
00:06:23
just start getting texts from people
00:06:24
saying oh [ __ ] yeah no she she contacted
00:06:27
me when I guess the the writer was
00:06:31
writing the book and said can you like
00:06:33
sit down and have a discussion with this
00:06:37
writer um where I'm writing my biography
00:06:40
basically I was like yeah sweet ass
00:06:42
whatever you know like [ __ ] you whatever
00:06:45
yeah like you don't know it you know you
00:06:47
don't know what you don't know so so she
00:06:48
rang me up and then and we sort of
00:06:50
talked about like you know what it was
00:06:53
what ruby was like and um and we all
00:06:55
know if you look at Ruby now you you
00:06:57
know that she's one of the best she's
00:06:59
inspirational she's an amazing rugby
00:07:01
player but she's also amazing human so
00:07:04
those sorts of things came through about
00:07:06
you know what sort of rugby player she
00:07:07
was when she was back then but then she
00:07:09
was like asking digging deep about rugby
00:07:12
history and so I think you can Google it
00:07:16
now on sevens and you get the old mold
00:07:18
sevens you can actually get that now man
00:07:20
a couple years AG you couldn't get that
00:07:21
history you couldn't get anything like
00:07:23
that and so a lot of the history's been
00:07:25
lost but now it seems to be like little
00:07:27
bits in here are coming back so paints a
00:07:29
picture but she actually painted a Hu
00:07:31
that that writer in Ruby's book painted
00:07:34
a picture of that history of rugby 7even
00:07:36
so it was great so I think she did a
00:07:37
great job yeah AB absolutely um so so
00:07:41
you met Ruby when she was 18 yeah first
00:07:43
year of uni and her first time playing
00:07:46
rugby and sevens yeah and and then she
00:07:48
tells the story about um well she calls
00:07:50
you famously
00:07:54
abrupt I would say that I'm like honest
00:07:57
like I think I think it's I don't know
00:07:59
if a I have over the years Cur like you
00:08:02
know that's when I coached Ruby it was
00:08:03
my first ever coaching gig so can
00:08:06
imagine going from transitioning from
00:08:08
just playing to being a coach and I was
00:08:11
I'm abrasive like I'm already abrasive
00:08:13
as it is so um my personality
00:08:16
transformed into coaching and I kind of
00:08:18
was was still in the player mentality
00:08:21
was like [ __ ] just run like just like
00:08:24
why why why can't you get from there to
00:08:26
there like what is your problem so it
00:08:28
took me a long time in the coaching
00:08:30
space to actually realize oh actually
00:08:32
you've got to break things down you've
00:08:33
actually got to coach the technique
00:08:35
you've actually got to go through all
00:08:36
this process so Ruby got basically a
00:08:39
real fresh out of the boat coach but
00:08:42
also it's I'm still the same personality
00:08:43
I'll still tell her yeah we she was a
00:08:45
fresh out of the boat player as well
00:08:47
fresh player fresh coach um I still tell
00:08:50
her that what she's got the most ugliest
00:08:52
pass in women's rugby she I'm not a
00:08:54
rugby play I why why is it awful I have
00:08:57
no idea it's been effective well gets
00:09:01
there how does so being being an Abrupt
00:09:03
person how does that work in 2023 CU it
00:09:05
feels like feels like these days like
00:09:07
the threshold for bullying is very very
00:09:09
low very low yeah yeah thanks Dom I know
00:09:12
that you've gone through this
00:09:14
yourself you've just got to make sure
00:09:16
that you you tweak a little things yeah
00:09:18
yeah yeah yeah um have you had to soften
00:09:21
soften your approach over the years yeah
00:09:24
I think it comes with a bit bit with
00:09:25
maturity as well there's a little bit of
00:09:27
maturity there's there's big part of it
00:09:29
is like knowing your players knowing who
00:09:31
you can say what are you up to you know
00:09:34
really delivering the message you know
00:09:36
there's so certain players that will
00:09:38
allow you to deliver it the way that
00:09:40
it's blunt as and they'll sift through
00:09:42
it and go yep I get the message but
00:09:44
there's other players that actually need
00:09:45
a little bit of a sugar coating on it so
00:09:48
you you just really got to understand
00:09:50
the player that you you're dealing with
00:09:51
otherwise you get you're bullying thing
00:09:53
going on Dom yeah my my very first boss
00:09:56
in radio was a guy called Steve row and
00:09:58
he would drag me into his office so I
00:10:01
was 17 18 19 at the time and he would
00:10:03
just tear me a new one he would destroy
00:10:06
me and had be red in the face and had
00:10:08
veins popping out of the side of his
00:10:10
neck and the side of his face and you
00:10:12
know what I needed it I needed it at the
00:10:14
time and I responded well to it whereas
00:10:17
I suppose that's the management style
00:10:18
with a lot of other people that'd be
00:10:19
twatting off to HR immediately well this
00:10:22
like you said if you look at some of the
00:10:23
players and and it's great to see some
00:10:25
coaches give summer inspirational summer
00:10:28
growth some development but there's some
00:10:30
coaches just like hey here's the
00:10:32
expectation if you want to be in this
00:10:34
team you got to meet it and if you can't
00:10:36
meet it catch you later so the high
00:10:38
performance space is actually change I
00:10:40
think it's changing it might not be
00:10:41
quite there in New Zealand but you look
00:10:43
at Chelsea football there you know the
00:10:44
woman coach of she's just like man if
00:10:46
you don't want to be in Chelsea get the
00:10:47
[ __ ]
00:10:48
out like she's just like you know you're
00:10:51
either a Chelsea player or you're not
00:10:54
and I I actually think what's going to
00:10:55
happen is that once that high
00:10:57
performance program starts moving moving
00:10:59
really quickly and and gets to where
00:11:01
everyone is competing for like four to
00:11:04
five different spots you are going to
00:11:06
get either you want to be here or you
00:11:08
can keep on going yeah yeah it's a
00:11:11
necessity I think with high performance
00:11:12
sport so um the the story that Ruby
00:11:14
tells in the opening chapter of who [ __ ]
00:11:16
um do you want to do you want to retell
00:11:18
it from your version of
00:11:19
events well actually can't remember this
00:11:21
conversation until I read it a few times
00:11:24
I had to think about it hey hey by the
00:11:25
way by the way just before you get into
00:11:27
that I'll just um I've got a quote here
00:11:28
from that chapter of Ruby's book you did
00:11:30
do um this year we are coached by medy
00:11:33
Baker famously abrupt really honest
00:11:36
never says anything for fluff I'm really
00:11:38
trying but it seems nothing I do is good
00:11:40
enough for
00:11:42
Baker you must have been you must have
00:11:44
been like so I don't know stoked when
00:11:47
you read that I'd be honest you reckon
00:11:50
that's honest well I was just like when
00:11:52
I when she when I read it it's like what
00:11:55
the [ __ ] Ruby people are going to think
00:11:58
I'm crazy cuz there is something else in
00:11:59
that book where I'm kicking water
00:12:01
bottles but um I didn't get to that yeah
00:12:04
good um and I'm just like what what and
00:12:06
she go yeah but M that's you know this
00:12:08
is this is a story of some true honesty
00:12:10
here that you were really honest and I
00:12:12
you know I valued that and and to this
00:12:14
day if you ever ask Ruby about feedback
00:12:17
you can give it to her as as plain as
00:12:20
what day as you want and she'll take
00:12:22
that feedback and go away from from from
00:12:24
everyone or just people she everybody
00:12:25
everybody I coached her and P and sens
00:12:28
um in the states cuz she had a sticle
00:12:31
and I and you know she I was like you
00:12:33
know how's it going she goes oh you know
00:12:35
I [ __ ] up a 211 I go yeah you did [ __ ]
00:12:37
up two on one simple it's so simple with
00:12:40
her you know what I mean she like
00:12:42
recognizes it we talk about it move on
00:12:45
and and like she's easy to coach just
00:12:48
like yeah you probably should have
00:12:49
passed that and she's like no I was like
00:12:51
damn you know and and you can have those
00:12:54
and you can have that banter with her so
00:12:56
so she's a player that you can do that
00:12:58
with and um because she's so
00:12:59
professional as well she'll go away and
00:13:01
think about things she's really really
00:13:03
good in depth indepth thinker and also
00:13:07
you know she'll give you the kitchen
00:13:08
sink she'll throw everything into
00:13:09
anything so she's a player you want on
00:13:11
on your team because she might not be
00:13:14
the most skillful player in the world
00:13:15
but man she just gives 120% and those
00:13:19
are the people that you want you don't
00:13:20
necessarily need all the flashy players
00:13:23
in the world but you need those those
00:13:24
players that will go past 100% yeah well
00:13:27
sounds like she wasn't always like that
00:13:28
so so that's the story she tells in the
00:13:30
book yeah um loved rugby but hated the
00:13:33
fitness aspect of it terrible yeah so
00:13:35
what's what's your recollection of that
00:13:36
story from your side so so basically we
00:13:39
we had a bunch of players um KRA was in
00:13:42
that group aidia Marsh was in that group
00:13:45
Ana tip lady was in that group Haley tip
00:13:47
lady like we had a bunch of black Fs in
00:13:50
that group plus some kiwi FS uh Tisa
00:13:52
tahu was in that group um and then we
00:13:56
had a few American players
00:13:59
in that in that group and all of them
00:14:01
were like look man the American players
00:14:02
I tell you what are the fitti
00:14:04
[ __ ] in the world they lift
00:14:07
they run man they can do everything
00:14:09
they're robotic they are just they're
00:14:12
just fit right and so they spend more
00:14:15
time in the gym and running than on
00:14:18
their skills where were that we were at
00:14:20
that time it's a bit different now the
00:14:21
other way around where we would just be
00:14:23
able to play play play the ball use our
00:14:26
skills and things like that so in Ruby's
00:14:28
C she was fighting against people that
00:14:30
were really fit like they were awesome
00:14:32
they're awesome players and she was uh
00:14:35
she says middle but she was at the
00:14:38
back this is like doing some doing some
00:14:40
Sprints or laps of the field yeah
00:14:41
basically some I think they were like I
00:14:44
think they were Broncos or they
00:14:47
were like a 300 meter run around there
00:14:49
and you had to catch the other group and
00:14:51
things like that so you kind of yeah it
00:14:52
was quite competitive yeah we're just
00:14:54
introducting with bits of Ruby story so
00:14:56
she the way she tells it um she was at
00:14:59
practice early like practicing her pass
00:15:01
or something I'll tell you the past is
00:15:02
[ __ ] so Ruby can Ruby can practice as
00:15:05
much as she
00:15:06
want she's like you turn up and it's
00:15:08
almost like she she thinks oh oh hope
00:15:11
hopefully you know M notices me passing
00:15:13
and and Praises man were you in a bad
00:15:15
mood that day apparently you just blew
00:15:17
your whistle and to to start running
00:15:18
yeah no no that's normal oh
00:15:21
yeah that was just like like yeah
00:15:25
obviously I'm not like that now but like
00:15:27
you know was just let's get it get into
00:15:29
it I know I don't need to let's don't
00:15:31
puss around let's go and she's just like
00:15:33
oh you didn't say anything to me [ __ ]
00:15:34
I'm CU I'm not get your ass and then run
00:15:36
the Ruby but like again like look Ruby
00:15:41
Ruby was all she needed to be in that
00:15:43
group who was so good that she needed to
00:15:46
see and this is what where mentors are
00:15:48
so [ __ ] good that she needs to see
00:15:50
that if you want to be if you want to be
00:15:52
the best those are the people that you
00:15:54
have to compete against not you you if
00:15:57
you keep on competing against yourself
00:15:58
you're never going to be the best but
00:16:00
those are people in front of you those
00:16:02
are the people in front of you you've
00:16:03
got to catch them and that's that's as
00:16:05
simple as that there's no black and
00:16:06
white on that one yeah so yes so she was
00:16:08
doing the runs the the shuttles or
00:16:09
Broncos whatever it was it's just
00:16:11
pussing around would be the word okay
00:16:13
yeah well I think she even sort of
00:16:14
admits that in her book she wasn't even
00:16:15
trying cuz she didn't like it and then
00:16:17
you start jogging along beh beside her
00:16:19
and have have a chat yeah I was just
00:16:21
like you know everything's in your mind
00:16:24
all of these freaking drills that we do
00:16:26
are actually in your mind your mind your
00:16:28
mind is your biggest barrier not your
00:16:30
physical not not not your body it's your
00:16:33
mind once your mind get once you get
00:16:34
your mind on on
00:16:36
board you'll go and then then basically
00:16:40
she just kind of I don't know what
00:16:41
happened but she just like kind of if we
00:16:43
were in a car she'd be moving like the
00:16:46
gear stick and she just took off and I
00:16:48
was just like you know if you catch
00:16:49
those group you'll be you'll be part of
00:16:51
the the group that are one of the best
00:16:52
players in the world she says you told
00:16:54
her she could be the best sevens player
00:16:56
could be so what year was this
00:16:59
oh
00:17:03
200 gez I couldn't even tell seven yeah
00:17:06
okay CU because in 2019 so like a decade
00:17:09
later she was named world seven player
00:17:11
of the year so you were right yeah oh
00:17:13
yeah I
00:17:16
know so so so you um so you meant did
00:17:19
you did you genuinely mean it like how
00:17:21
did you how did you see that in her as
00:17:23
an 18-year-old playing a first year of
00:17:24
rugby were you just sort of like pumping
00:17:27
up your T no I would never do that
00:17:28
absolutely not it was genuine you
00:17:30
genuinely believed that yeah yeah why so
00:17:33
she was unfit like lazy at running had a
00:17:35
terrible pass yeah why would you say
00:17:37
that it's it's the it's the person
00:17:38
within like I knew that she had because
00:17:41
she has traits of being being the best
00:17:44
like you you can see it in players
00:17:46
before they even you can just see Talent
00:17:49
right so Ruby had what she did have was
00:17:52
she could change speed she was tall she
00:17:55
levers so she could offload if she
00:17:57
needed to um she had the ability to get
00:17:59
strength quite easily and if she put the
00:18:02
work in she'd be freaking fit pretty
00:18:04
quickly and her mindset was pretty good
00:18:07
like you know once she put her mind to
00:18:08
it I thought yeah you you you'll go real
00:18:10
far do you don't think she's going to be
00:18:12
the best in the world well at that time
00:18:15
there was no world
00:18:17
so so
00:18:19
maybe but that must been amazing for you
00:18:22
in 2019 it's like a full circle moment
00:18:24
or did you remember saying that or did
00:18:25
she remind you no I I remember saying
00:18:28
like look I've
00:18:29
coached Stacy fled over in um in Ireland
00:18:35
I've coached several USA players couple
00:18:38
Australians you know and
00:18:41
generally I kind of didn't really think
00:18:43
anything of it because I feel as though
00:18:46
that they just sort of play with each
00:18:47
other and it's just a thing you know
00:18:48
what I mean so I never really think
00:18:50
about you know oh that was me it was
00:18:52
kind of like well you know here here's
00:18:54
here's a piece of of my sort of thing
00:18:57
that I can give you and then you know
00:18:59
put that in your tool Bel see how that
00:19:00
goes sort of thing so never go oh you
00:19:02
know I made rubyy no [ __ ] way did I
00:19:04
make rubyy lots of people made Ruby toi
00:19:06
and Ruby Tu Made ruby Tui yeah yeah oh
00:19:09
but she she credits you with um teaching
00:19:12
her the power of her mind yeah yeah so
00:19:15
yeah maybe that yeah there you claim
00:19:17
that I'll claim that one yeah sure I'll
00:19:18
take that one okay all right so that's
00:19:21
that's enough about rubby it's it's
00:19:22
amazing yeah piss off Ruby that book is
00:19:25
a is like haunting me oh yeah has has it
00:19:29
been an enjoyable experience though like
00:19:31
you're right there at the front of the
00:19:32
book like the very front chapter um has
00:19:35
it been well look yeah it's it's funny
00:19:38
one because like I've had people go like
00:19:42
frequently text me or run into me they
00:19:44
like you know put your hand out and you
00:19:46
introduce yourself they're like oh
00:19:47
you're in Ruby tu's book you're like
00:19:49
yeah like yep on that one that kicks the
00:19:52
water bottles yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm
00:19:55
the one that's famously abrupt yeah yeah
00:19:57
yeah exactly what's the I I missed the
00:19:59
kicking water bottles thing is that in
00:20:00
the book as well yeah so we took them to
00:20:02
Australia and to be honest from a
00:20:05
coaching point of view this is it was
00:20:07
actually my fault because I didn't do s
00:20:09
I didn't do enough um contact within our
00:20:12
drills so that's a simp yeah that's
00:20:14
simplifying it and when we got there we
00:20:18
got ran over by some tongen players like
00:20:20
ran over like I was like [ __ ] I was like
00:20:25
why are we not playing to our plan like
00:20:26
and it's just like because we done
00:20:28
tackling the whole freaking trainings
00:20:30
that we had which was like three or four
00:20:32
so we you know I ran them into the
00:20:34
ground and but I didn't make them tackle
00:20:37
or didn't put a defensive process in so
00:20:39
it's a really good learning point for
00:20:41
myself as a coach but far out I was
00:20:43
kicking those bottles because we were
00:20:44
[ __ ] losing
00:20:46
Tonga
00:20:49
like can I can I just say we've been
00:20:51
chatting for 20 minutes and I think um I
00:20:53
think you've probably got the record now
00:20:55
for the most F bombs in a podcast Maybe
00:20:57
unle Tex who has Tourette syndrome is
00:21:00
just ahead of you but I'm I'm here for
00:21:02
it I'm now that you're sort of in the
00:21:04
corporate world oh yeah I'm surprised
00:21:06
you haven't been told to tone it down or
00:21:08
uh yeah so I mean I love it you don't
00:21:11
want to change the essence of your
00:21:13
personality well I don't swear in
00:21:15
certain aspects so like there like
00:21:17
obviously I do a little bit of sky sky
00:21:19
sport commentary and I haven't sworn
00:21:21
once on that and it's kind of funny
00:21:22
because like I have a potty mouth and I
00:21:24
know I do look apparently isn't that the
00:21:27
wittiest people with with a potty mouth
00:21:29
I'll it yeah yeah right so so the the
00:21:33
other thing is is
00:21:35
that I guess you know you you walk
00:21:40
around and you go right better not swear
00:21:41
better not swear but like it's kind of
00:21:44
my personality and you know I get people
00:21:46
texting me all the time they're like I
00:21:48
can't believe you're on you're doing
00:21:49
commentary and you haven't sworn once
00:21:52
I'm like yeah because I'm not allowed to
00:21:55
it's just you go to as someone that did
00:21:57
radio for years you go into performance
00:21:58
mode and uh you know yeah you just you
00:22:01
just know yeah you can't there is a
00:22:03
filter there if you need it to yeah yeah
00:22:04
yeah yeah you know if you hey if you
00:22:06
want me to turn the filter off I can do
00:22:07
that for you so um born and raised in
00:22:10
Riverton where where's Riverton far
00:22:11
south somewhere near Bluff yeah so it's
00:22:14
it's probably about 40 minutes out of
00:22:16
inago right South yeah what was dolphin
00:22:19
sporting what
00:22:21
else
00:22:23
what what else is there in Riverton um
00:22:25
it's called the sou the Rivier of the
00:22:27
South okay there's cheese rolls oh yeah
00:22:31
it's actually one of the look if you're
00:22:34
ever down the South isand I'll tell you
00:22:36
what it's beautiful down there the
00:22:38
beaches are good they're surfing down
00:22:40
there diving down there Stewart island
00:22:42
is just like an hour away on boat so
00:22:44
there's heaps to do in that sense and
00:22:46
everyone loves a good hunt they love
00:22:49
hunting deer and pigs except me I cannot
00:22:52
stand hunting yeah but everyone else I
00:22:54
know hunts so so it's not great sales
00:22:58
patch for Riverton that's coming from
00:23:00
someone from palas North because I I P
00:23:03
palah
00:23:04
hole say what's good about pal be like
00:23:06
oh it's like two hours away from the
00:23:08
mountain an hour and a half away from
00:23:09
Wellington and it's like you're
00:23:11
encouraging people to leave it well
00:23:13
these heaps like look here's the
00:23:15
property Market down there you know
00:23:16
obviously it's not talking about Orland
00:23:18
prices but hey you Orland has come down
00:23:21
and pick up $300,000 houses not anymore
00:23:23
there are 500 now but but you know you
00:23:26
guys flock there all you see aucklanders
00:23:29
yeah so what so what are your
00:23:30
Recollections about those those years
00:23:32
growing up the early years in in
00:23:33
Riverton how many in your family by the
00:23:34
way so there's four children four of us
00:23:37
where are you in the birth order uh
00:23:39
second second last so second last and
00:23:41
the two older brothers sisters two older
00:23:43
sisters and a younger brother right and
00:23:45
and did they um you play sports with
00:23:47
them is that is that where you got the
00:23:49
tough the tough streak from my father's
00:23:51
Mor just said
00:23:54
help um look so two older sisters who
00:23:58
were very competitive they both played
00:24:01
underage international hockey so my
00:24:04
sister um was named in the New Zealand M
00:24:07
and uh New Zealand MTI team when she was
00:24:09
17 and my older sister was in the under
00:24:12
15s under 18 New Zealand team and then I
00:24:15
just came along um oh yeah I was always
00:24:19
a rat bag I was always that chicky shirt
00:24:22
always that one always getting into
00:24:23
trouble probably because I've got ADHD
00:24:25
and a little bit of Dyslexia going on as
00:24:26
well but I was always the one that was
00:24:29
just not doing what they were supposed
00:24:31
to be doing so I was always in trouble
00:24:33
standard standard kid stuff or like
00:24:35
proper trouble oh not that b no no no no
00:24:38
standard like you know go [ __ ] yourself
00:24:41
yeah what to who like people in
00:24:45
teach that's not overly standard teach
00:24:48
well is it it is it not that seems a
00:24:50
little extreme the ADHD thing was it
00:24:53
diagnosed or is that something you've
00:24:54
had diagnosed like as an adult yeah
00:24:56
we're going through the process right
00:24:58
now so I've had dyslexia right right
00:25:00
through um and when I was at Margaret
00:25:04
they picked that up so but I
00:25:06
never yeah never did the ADH but we're
00:25:09
going through the diagnos right now
00:25:11
diagnosis right now so a lot of things
00:25:13
around ADH has been behavioral like you
00:25:17
know you just you know no no one likes
00:25:19
to hear no especially ADH know
00:25:22
especially when you you've got an Abrupt
00:25:24
personality cuz I I I I'm pretty sure
00:25:28
ADHD I'm a little bit older than you so
00:25:30
it was just not something that was
00:25:31
diagnosed at the time but I I mean
00:25:34
apparently the testing is quite
00:25:35
comprehensive you know you go through it
00:25:36
at the moment but it's like I just
00:25:38
wonder what difference it would make if
00:25:40
I had a diag if I had a label for it
00:25:42
yeah well I always used to think yeah I
00:25:45
always used to think I was ADHD you know
00:25:47
whatever but I also think I've got
00:25:49
little sprinkles of everything I'm just
00:25:50
on the Spectrum yeah like and and I've
00:25:53
kind of I think a lot of us are yeah I I
00:25:55
don't know any normal person okay that
00:25:57
that's that's
00:25:58
and and so I'm just on the Spectrum and
00:26:00
like the problem was with being on the
00:26:02
Spectrum being your neurod Divergent um
00:26:06
I actually spoke at at Targo POA on
00:26:08
superpowers of being dyslexic is that
00:26:12
there's other things that come with it
00:26:13
like there's there's some behavioral
00:26:14
things that come there's some things
00:26:16
that your nervous system is not
00:26:17
regulated as what normal normal which I
00:26:20
never think anyone's normal but it's
00:26:22
just a little bit off we're just a
00:26:24
little bit off we're just a little bit
00:26:26
hinged a little bit and I'm my with that
00:26:28
yeah absolutely it's it's part of who
00:26:30
you are but I suppose like telling
00:26:32
teachers to go [ __ ] yourself maybe
00:26:33
that's where that came from the ADH yeah
00:26:35
I didn't do I honestly did not do it in
00:26:37
St Margaret but definitely did it when I
00:26:38
was um at UPA college but and I was I I
00:26:42
remember B sitting outside uh the vice
00:26:44
principal's office and you know they
00:26:47
like this is a small town we're talking
00:26:48
about we're talking about like I don't
00:26:50
know 1400 people that live there around
00:26:52
their area and so everyone knows
00:26:54
everyone and so when you're there
00:26:56
they're like your M your parents know as
00:26:58
soon as you get home like it's not fun
00:27:01
it's not a fun fun it's not fun when you
00:27:04
know that your parent when you're
00:27:05
sitting there you've been sitting there
00:27:07
since 10:00 and you know your parents
00:27:09
know like what was the um discipline
00:27:12
like in your household was it like like
00:27:14
smacking Yeah well yeah the I think my
00:27:17
father and his you got yeah he's from a
00:27:20
military background as well um farming
00:27:23
background um butcher he was a butcher
00:27:26
so yeah he was he he I would say
00:27:28
heavy-handed but would I yeah that's an
00:27:32
interesting one yeah because it's um
00:27:34
yeah I was from a smacking family and uh
00:27:36
it was never like an abusive household
00:27:39
um but it was always we'd do something
00:27:41
naughty during the day and then mama
00:27:42
would be like wait until your father
00:27:44
gets home hours later like Dad get home
00:27:46
we put over the put over the beard and
00:27:48
get the belt oh is that all you
00:27:50
got oh
00:27:52
yeah so I just so yeah as was always
00:27:54
done I'm guessing guess what I'm saying
00:27:55
is like a it was a control environment
00:27:57
it was never Pleasant and you look back
00:27:59
now and it was like it was um actually
00:28:01
quite traumatic but it was always sort
00:28:03
of controlled I guess I I think like it
00:28:07
wasn't to the extreme that I would be
00:28:09
say that OT needs to come in and take us
00:28:12
out of the home but it would it would be
00:28:15
it would have been a bit more heavier
00:28:17
than it should have been if that that
00:28:19
that explains it um and I think that
00:28:23
from that I really did like you know if
00:28:26
your parents if if your father's saying
00:28:28
to you you know just give someone a
00:28:29
warning and then whack them as part of
00:28:32
your your upbringing what do you think
00:28:35
you that's going to produce do you know
00:28:36
what I mean so I definitely had a lot of
00:28:39
anger when I came out of um that
00:28:41
household like a very much pined up
00:28:43
anger lots of trauma but you know as you
00:28:47
get as you go through life and this is
00:28:49
where sobriety I think does not help
00:28:52
because you actually feel everything you
00:28:54
know you start to those feelings start
00:28:56
opening up and now you're just like holy
00:28:59
crap overwhelmed with all of these
00:29:01
emotions that you never had before
00:29:03
because you've even hit you've hidden it
00:29:05
through anger or you've hidden it
00:29:06
through alcohol and now all of a sudden
00:29:09
you're this ball of
00:29:12
[ __ ] yeah and and then I guess there's
00:29:15
um there's another layer of that with
00:29:17
you where you you didn't have that
00:29:19
connection to your roots yeah or your
00:29:21
culture yeah there's definitely that
00:29:23
there's Southland M I'm a Southland M
00:29:26
but I'm not I [ __ ] up up at Bruno so so
00:29:29
where's that that is in gbon yeah Dad's
00:29:32
dad's from Mahia so you're not even a
00:29:34
South alar so you've got to understand
00:29:36
that context as well so you're not from
00:29:38
n Taho and so when you go into things
00:29:40
you're like you're not Taho you don't
00:29:41
[ __ ] a upet here so you're not even
00:29:43
you're not even welcome there so and the
00:29:46
interesting thing is you don't feel like
00:29:47
you belong you don't belong anywhere
00:29:49
right so so being and and the
00:29:52
interesting facts with with that natio
00:29:54
there's like 990,000 members for natio
00:29:57
only 10,000 live in gbon everyone else
00:30:00
is everywhere else so we're so
00:30:01
disconnected from that anyway so that
00:30:04
that plays a huge part I think yeah and
00:30:07
so then um kbur uni after you left
00:30:10
Riverton and you were really good at
00:30:12
sport right RI teams for rugby sevens
00:30:15
touch and League yeah just anything with
00:30:18
an noal ball you were you were good at I
00:30:21
don't well I actually wasn't that good
00:30:22
to be honest so what I was good what I
00:30:26
what I was kind of like up for anything
00:30:29
cuz all my friends were back in that
00:30:31
time I think that that landscape has
00:30:33
changed a little bit now through
00:30:34
professionalism as well all your mates
00:30:37
are playing so your mates play Touch so
00:30:39
you hang out with them and all of I
00:30:42
gravitated towards all of the people
00:30:44
that were Brown so all of my friends
00:30:46
were either Marty or Pacific except
00:30:48
maybe one or two Pacquiao who could who
00:30:50
could play ball right so we had this
00:30:53
group that just went oh we'll go play
00:30:55
Touch oh now we'll go play rugby oh now
00:30:57
we'll go play rugby league and so it
00:30:59
just went like this round and round and
00:31:01
round and at once I think I did that for
00:31:03
5 to six years and I got to a point
00:31:06
where I was just so bomed out because I
00:31:07
there was no off season it was just like
00:31:09
right we're playing touch now then we're
00:31:11
going to play sevens we're in Hong Kong
00:31:12
playing sevens then we're coming back
00:31:14
and then then we're going into rugby and
00:31:15
then we're doing rugby league then we're
00:31:16
doing Nationals and then just went like
00:31:18
round and round and you'd probably maybe
00:31:20
have 3 weeks off and then you're back
00:31:22
into it again so I was just like I can't
00:31:24
do this anymore I actually need a break
00:31:26
need a break yeah yeah was it around
00:31:27
that time playing in those teams when
00:31:29
you got to kib UNI that you sort of um
00:31:32
you sort of realized that something was
00:31:33
missing with um your links to your
00:31:36
heritage or did you sort of realize it
00:31:38
beforehand no you you said most of your
00:31:40
teammates were were Brown yeah I
00:31:42
gravitated towards them cuz they were
00:31:44
Brown yeah but some of them I'm guessing
00:31:46
like a university environment you got
00:31:48
get people from all around the country
00:31:49
so some of them must have been able to
00:31:51
speak to Rao or not really no no no not
00:31:55
many of my friends it's just the era
00:31:57
look I think that yeah there is there is
00:32:00
statistics showing that there's a big
00:32:02
fat era in there that because of um
00:32:05
obviously policies and governments and
00:32:07
and things like that this the native
00:32:08
School act that that lasted for 100
00:32:10
years Banning terel and and things like
00:32:12
that your dad's probably at that age
00:32:14
where he got like whacked over the
00:32:15
knuckles if he tried to against yeah but
00:32:18
he he could speak he can understand it
00:32:20
but he can't speak it yeah so he yeah so
00:32:23
he's 84 now um so not not many of us
00:32:27
could speak Mari um
00:32:31
and some of us were naho some of us you
00:32:35
know no it wasn't no it wasn't because
00:32:37
of the connection there it was maybe it
00:32:39
was in terms of the fact that we're all
00:32:41
brown and we're all thought we were
00:32:43
funny so sorry so you know you get a you
00:32:48
get a bunch of tribe your community yeah
00:32:50
exactly you get a bunch of brown people
00:32:51
together and they're making you're
00:32:52
making fun of each other to start off
00:32:54
with but the jokes are just going left
00:32:56
right and centered you know like we're
00:32:57
joking about everything so nothing's
00:33:00
like really you know and you're doing
00:33:01
crazy stuff you know but that's the time
00:33:05
where I was probably when I was when I
00:33:06
was doing that five to six years of just
00:33:09
everything I was drinking really heavily
00:33:12
like I was I I was killing it I was
00:33:15
winning I was winning at that so it's
00:33:19
like that's that's a crazy time yeah
00:33:21
well no wonder you were burnt out it
00:33:22
probably wasn't just the sport it was
00:33:24
your whole just the whole lifestyle
00:33:26
burning the C at both ends yeah like you
00:33:28
know I was still working I was you know
00:33:30
just well uni work um
00:33:33
training you know sometimes you're in
00:33:35
Hong Kong for a couple weeks and then
00:33:36
sometimes you were in Paris for a couple
00:33:38
weeks you know you're talking about that
00:33:40
time um at canb Uni I've heard you say
00:33:43
that at the time you were on the road to
00:33:44
jail yeah what does that mean is that
00:33:47
just like an embellishment or no no no
00:33:49
no no not at
00:33:50
all no I'd um so this is like I said
00:33:55
that at this time I was
00:33:57
uh pretty angry very very angry would be
00:34:00
the word and we used to get into fights
00:34:02
all the time like honest honestly like
00:34:04
because of the alcohol because who we
00:34:06
were hanging out with um you it could be
00:34:09
3:00 out coming out of a nightclub and
00:34:12
just I don't know things
00:34:15
[Laughter]
00:34:16
happen I wouldn't want to [ __ ] with you
00:34:19
3:00 outside what were you what was the
00:34:21
anger about just the the upbringing
00:34:24
upbringing um obviously so learning
00:34:27
difficulties as well I gu learning
00:34:28
difficulties yep um little bit of ADHD
00:34:32
going on in there in terms of Behavioral
00:34:33
stuff just regulation in my nervous
00:34:36
system all those sorts of things um lots
00:34:38
of alcohol um I'm just angry you know I
00:34:42
just had this angry at the world just
00:34:43
angry I was just really I had a chip on
00:34:45
my shoulder um you know I was supposed
00:34:48
to go to the Olympics for hockey and I
00:34:50
was just so frecking angry about stuff
00:34:52
that I was self- sabotaging left right
00:34:54
and Center so I was never going to get
00:34:55
there I'm all good with it now but but
00:34:57
I've I've I've made peace with it um and
00:34:59
then I just I just felt as though that
00:35:02
life was really [ __ ] difficult um and
00:35:04
I got throwing were you like a a victim
00:35:07
victim mindset I think so I think so I
00:35:09
think I had a yeah I pretty much had
00:35:12
very much just like it was me against
00:35:14
the world sort of thing and I didn't
00:35:16
really have any sort of Care on whether
00:35:19
I lived or died sort of scenarios like
00:35:22
not that I would a reckless place to be
00:35:24
living it's a very Reckless place to be
00:35:25
living in because you don't have any
00:35:27
care about anybody else you don't even
00:35:28
care about yourself and so so yeah so I
00:35:32
I'll tell you what I
00:35:34
got not many people know this but um I
00:35:37
got into a situation where I had to get
00:35:40
out pretty quickly and if it if it if it
00:35:43
hadn't gone the way that down I would
00:35:44
have been in jail that that's how that's
00:35:46
that's how how bad it got you came to
00:35:48
elaborate or not not
00:35:50
really it just it was it was um as I
00:35:54
would put it it was misidentification
00:35:58
oh my God would be the word yeah so so
00:36:00
basically what did we got into a fight
00:36:04
with people um I might have started it
00:36:07
and I ended up they ended up finger
00:36:11
pointing somebody else cuz i' jumped
00:36:13
into a
00:36:15
taxi oh so some innocent party took the
00:36:17
rap for you some innocent party got
00:36:19
arrested sort of thing yeah and so they
00:36:22
got arrested and they couldn't identify
00:36:24
the actual person who started it which
00:36:26
was me
00:36:27
and so it kind of went away you know
00:36:30
yeah [ __ ] yeah this that was many years
00:36:34
ago this isn't going to get you in
00:36:35
trouble now no like well I'm not I
00:36:37
didn't get arrested so
00:36:39
good but like you know so those sorts of
00:36:42
things happen frequently like they they
00:36:43
were happening for at least probably 5
00:36:45
to six years you know and and you know
00:36:48
one of my best friends um most pleasant
00:36:51
person on Earth we ended up in this
00:36:53
fight I this what I who wants to see
00:36:56
women fighting anyway like no except in
00:36:58
a boxing ring right or the U yeah yeah
00:37:01
who wants to see like and but but but
00:37:04
those days like you you're like hitting
00:37:06
somebody who was
00:37:07
probably you know skinny white lady and
00:37:11
and you end up hitting somebody and
00:37:13
you're you know you're you're bigger
00:37:15
than them anyway so it's not a fair
00:37:18
fight it's it's not something that you
00:37:20
want to be doing and who the hell wants
00:37:22
to see that sort of thing anyway we're
00:37:24
in this this tough I guess scuffle and
00:37:28
my best friend's trying to stop it cuz
00:37:30
Placid plid ass I don't know how we
00:37:32
ended up best friends cuz I'm like that
00:37:34
and she's like that like you know and
00:37:36
she's saved me so many times over we
00:37:39
played we played very much a lot of
00:37:41
rugby rugby rugby league and and she
00:37:43
saved me so many times so we sit there
00:37:47
and [ __ ] hands are going hard and
00:37:50
then she gets a wallop like right on the
00:37:52
on the
00:37:54
eye teacher go to school with this black
00:37:57
eye and she's just like what I I can't
00:38:00
hang out with you anymore like we can't
00:38:03
be friends yeah you are just like out
00:38:05
the freaking gate like you you uh I've
00:38:08
got I've got a profession and and I'm
00:38:11
like yeah and what what you know no care
00:38:13
in the world sort of thing like I didn't
00:38:14
really understand that I do now like
00:38:17
selfish and self-centered at the time in
00:38:19
a way selfish sound yeah and and it
00:38:21
wasn't a great teammate yeah like you
00:38:22
know I got got kicked out of the the
00:38:24
kenary touch team got kicked out of the
00:38:27
the rugby league team I got kicked out
00:38:28
of Al multi7 got us to come back um I
00:38:31
got kicked out of the New Zealand side
00:38:32
because I was really selfish and um
00:38:36
obviously I'm not now but like you know
00:38:38
when I look back in it and I was just
00:38:39
like God damn it you know I had all of
00:38:42
those opportunities in the world and
00:38:44
that's why when you go Google me you
00:38:46
only get it like a small piece of it and
00:38:48
you get some some coaching stuff and get
00:38:50
this and this because I self I self
00:38:52
sabotage right throughout that so so you
00:38:55
you you you could have been exceptional
00:38:57
just being very good yeah well I
00:38:59
wouldn't say I was very good I was
00:39:00
pretty average I don't know about that I
00:39:02
don't know I mean you you um were in the
00:39:04
kense league team that won the World Cup
00:39:05
in 2003 and you scored a try so yeah
00:39:08
lucky it's not no it's not downplay your
00:39:11
achievements I think I fell over the
00:39:12
line on that one that um but we Jesus so
00:39:15
you've done a lot of work you've done a
00:39:17
f ton of work has that just sort of has
00:39:19
that been have you had like counseling
00:39:21
or professional help or have you just
00:39:22
sort of figured it out on your oh
00:39:24
definitely definitely had professional
00:39:25
help yeah but also like just I think
00:39:28
it's reflection on some of your actions
00:39:30
you know and just really like you know
00:39:32
think you know you think about when
00:39:35
you're going through it I feel as though
00:39:37
that I started off at the bottom and had
00:39:41
all of these these traumatic things and
00:39:42
and things that happened to me but
00:39:45
because I started so back I had to come
00:39:47
so far and so it took me so long to
00:39:49
realize that the only person that's
00:39:51
going to save you is you um the only
00:39:53
person that is going to help you or get
00:39:55
you through this or get what you want
00:39:57
out of this is you and so and cuz I was
00:40:01
kind of waiting for someone to save me
00:40:02
and that's and personal relationships is
00:40:04
the same thing oh I'm terrible to date
00:40:06
like I'm terrible I was going to wonder
00:40:09
about that in the University um the
00:40:11
university years so um yeah I had some
00:40:13
mates of mine that loved brawling they
00:40:15
loved going out on the weekend and they
00:40:17
look for fights at at parties and stuff
00:40:18
and I I was never into that but most of
00:40:20
these guys um when they got into a
00:40:22
relationship it was sort of the the
00:40:24
stabilizer that they needed did did you
00:40:26
not have like a a partner that was like
00:40:28
Hey M come on let's not no I I because
00:40:31
I'm so stubborn that I just kind of did
00:40:33
I was just like you can say that but
00:40:35
that doesn't mean I'm going to do it
00:40:36
like thank you thank you for your
00:40:38
input I appreciate the suggestion
00:40:41
but so I've had to really like you know
00:40:44
and and you know um I've I've really had
00:40:47
to dig deep around that the the the
00:40:49
personal relationships and you know
00:40:51
they've hurt you know some of those
00:40:52
relationship breakups they've really
00:40:54
hurt and I've really had to grow from
00:40:56
those those yeah um are you are you into
00:40:58
are you into guys or girls or both girls
00:41:00
girls yeah thanks for asking D is is
00:41:03
that okay yeah I don't know is it yeah
00:41:05
um so again that that that no no well I
00:41:08
just wonder if that was another thing
00:41:10
the [ __ ] storm that you had going on
00:41:12
like you weren't connected with your
00:41:13
culture yeah these these unresolved
00:41:15
anger issues yeah drinking problem maybe
00:41:18
maybe the drinking problem was caused
00:41:19
and and sexuality like how how long were
00:41:22
you in denial for or keeping that um
00:41:25
coming to terms with that yeah well
00:41:27
don't really talk about this much but we
00:41:29
don't have to no no I I don't mind um um
00:41:34
so I'm a bit of a funny one so I was how
00:41:38
do I put this I was out but I wasn't
00:41:40
would be the word so like my friends
00:41:42
knew like rugby players you know soccer
00:41:45
players cricket players we all hang out
00:41:47
so
00:41:49
party
00:41:51
right but like I never I never really
00:41:54
discussed it or anything like that or
00:41:56
never really sort of said hey I'm over
00:41:58
here I'm a lesbian you know come see me
00:42:00
sort of thing I never had those
00:42:01
discussion I never even had a discussion
00:42:03
with my father to this day I've never
00:42:06
said to him hey Dad guess what this is
00:42:08
what I am I had a discussion when I I
00:42:10
came out to my mother when I was about
00:42:14
19
00:42:16
and wasn't great she wasn't great no it
00:42:19
wasn't that she wasn't great she was
00:42:20
just like I love you but it's I'm I'm
00:42:23
sure this is just a
00:42:25
face what were they religious or no
00:42:29
no absolutely not religious you can
00:42:33
understand if it's what they believe in
00:42:34
the Bible or whatever yeah so so not
00:42:37
religious at all and I just think it was
00:42:39
that time right you know and I don't
00:42:41
look I come from the smallest town on
00:42:43
Earth yeah come on you had so much going
00:42:45
against you like um yeah that's what I
00:42:47
mean by starting at the bottom moldy uh
00:42:50
you gay yeah [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] alcoholic
00:42:54
ADHD dyslexia anyone want to carry on
00:42:57
with the list you know so so
00:43:00
so to even go to university I was the
00:43:03
first person in my family to get a
00:43:06
degree so that that's you've got the
00:43:08
context of that when I talk to my other
00:43:10
friends who are not Marty they're like
00:43:13
oh yeah we talked about education right
00:43:15
through our lives I was like my parents
00:43:16
didn't even know they like so what are
00:43:18
you going to do next year I'm like I
00:43:19
don't know like stay home with you
00:43:22
they're like absolutely not my mother
00:43:24
was just like you know what you've got
00:43:26
two options here you either go to
00:43:27
university or I'm sending you to the
00:43:29
Army I was like is this a joke and she's
00:43:31
like no it's not a joke she drove me to
00:43:34
denan to sit there to do the the Army
00:43:37
test and I sat down did the Army test
00:43:39
and I came back in and she goes right
00:43:41
what do you think I said take me to
00:43:42
[ __ ] Christ
00:43:43
St I am not going under the I will not
00:43:47
survive oh I don't know I I feel like in
00:43:49
that environment you would have thrived
00:43:51
maybe maybe not at that time though no I
00:43:52
don't think so I think I would have got
00:43:54
what do they call that military
00:43:56
dispar or I would have kicked out I
00:43:59
would have got kicked out I definitely
00:44:01
would have got Ked out and and who is
00:44:02
who's Peter Joseph oh he's amazing he's
00:44:05
yeah so so he took you overseas on your
00:44:06
first trip right first time out of the
00:44:07
country to Hong Kong first time out of
00:44:09
the country i' never been out of the
00:44:11
country before he took a bunch of M
00:44:14
women who from real um small areas so
00:44:18
some of them are from Bay up in fatano B
00:44:20
had plenty and all around that area um
00:44:23
some orlanders I was the only South
00:44:25
Island at the time and then Tessa came
00:44:27
on
00:44:28
board he took a bunch of moldy women
00:44:32
overseas to Hong Kong and have you been
00:44:34
to Hong Kong yeah yeah I have it's crazy
00:44:38
place it's not Riverton it's not riveron
00:44:40
is it and and like and know there's the
00:44:42
cultural aspects to it and there's
00:44:45
there's people freaking everywhere the
00:44:46
smells are out the gate it's just busy
00:44:49
right and he took us over there and I
00:44:51
was just like man we were like in la la
00:44:54
land I didn't know what the hell was
00:44:55
going on to be hon honest that's crazy
00:44:58
amazing and is is that where you met
00:44:59
Jonah there's a photo I saw in line of
00:45:01
you with Jonah yeah yeah and if you look
00:45:02
at that photo um there's a few famous
00:45:05
people and there's honey hamy in that
00:45:07
there's Amy
00:45:08
um Amy what's her last name she went and
00:45:11
played she went and played for Australia
00:45:15
and and got a Olympic medal for them
00:45:17
like a gold medal from there um yeah
00:45:19
there's a few people in that that photo
00:45:21
they're just awesome people and Jonah
00:45:24
yes so did you have an encounter with
00:45:26
joner or was it just a photo up we had a
00:45:27
photo up and had a we talk to him and
00:45:29
stuff like that but nothing really to be
00:45:31
honest but you didn't pick a fight with
00:45:32
him absolutely not we do you know we did
00:45:34
get on a fight in Hong Kong so there you
00:45:36
go oh my God so that's the sort of place
00:45:39
you can get incarcerated for years well
00:45:42
the yeah so we had a pqu Mii we called
00:45:46
her um so she was definitely not Mii but
00:45:49
man she was a good rugby player
00:45:50
Stephanie Mortimer she's broom hall now
00:45:53
um she won the try of the year in n
00:45:56
19 991 or 2,000 or something like that
00:45:59
she ran through me ran past mega and
00:46:02
stuff like that anyway we were out and
00:46:05
this guy was actually slapping around a
00:46:07
woman in the middle of the street and
00:46:10
Hong Kong's crazy cuz you know and then
00:46:12
we went to stop it and he just started
00:46:13
picking up cheers and started throwing
00:46:16
and and I was like whoa and then it I
00:46:19
went that way and Steph just went and it
00:46:21
just clocked her straight in the head
00:46:22
and split her split her eye open so we
00:46:25
had to put her in the um the ambulance
00:46:28
and she went to the the ambulance and
00:46:30
hospital and they're like oh we need to
00:46:31
stitch you up but you can't take you've
00:46:33
been drinking you can't have any
00:46:35
anesthetic so she got stitched up with
00:46:37
no anesthetic that's badass that's B she
00:46:40
bad like you know so there's some crazy
00:46:43
like there you know it women's rug is so
00:46:45
different from what it used to be like
00:46:48
um in terms of professionalism oh 100%
00:46:51
like I'm so glad it's not like it needed
00:46:53
to change it absolutely did like you
00:46:55
cannot do the stuff the stuff that we
00:46:57
did compared to what you can't do that
00:46:59
now you know you just look and Richard
00:47:01
played for Australia and so did a m
00:47:02
Marsh so if you even know who Enard
00:47:04
Richards is she's bit of a legend and
00:47:06
stuff like that in rugby terms she was
00:47:09
playing for Australia at that Hong Kong
00:47:10
sevens tournament so like like you could
00:47:13
play for anybody
00:47:16
yeah so um I was in 2003 I mentioned
00:47:19
this before that you were playing league
00:47:20
for the Ki you were in the Kiwi fence
00:47:22
for like three years right yeah three to
00:47:23
four years yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so
00:47:26
you say you're pretty average but those
00:47:28
stats would would disagree I'd say
00:47:30
you're pretty good including winning the
00:47:32
uh the World Cup in 2003 so that was 20
00:47:34
years ago you were still drinking
00:47:36
heavily then y um but you must have
00:47:39
there must have been like a certain
00:47:40
level of discipline or professionalism
00:47:42
going
00:47:43
on I had the ab some sort of like
00:47:46
control or yeah I had the ability
00:47:50
to get up and get going if that makes
00:47:54
sense so so in that time in those five
00:47:56
to six years that I was playing I guess
00:47:58
playing probably at the peak that I that
00:48:00
I ever got to I trained a lot
00:48:04
and I guess I had I had really good
00:48:07
people around me like Tessa tahu who who
00:48:10
is an a crazy trainer she actually won
00:48:13
um just recently she's a little bit
00:48:15
older than I am um just she got sixed at
00:48:18
the world CrossFit Champs Masters wow
00:48:21
yeah that so just think of in in those
00:48:23
terms I was training with her and so
00:48:27
she'd be just like hurry up keep up
00:48:29
could ever keep up with her
00:48:33
like I couldn't even a lift as much as
00:48:35
she could like you know I was just you
00:48:37
know I was poor I'm short and so like
00:48:40
and she's just a ball of muscles and so
00:48:42
I was just like oh I might as well just
00:48:43
train with you so I trained a lot with
00:48:45
her and and I had the ability to just
00:48:48
get up but I also had the ability to
00:48:49
party and then get up and go again so I
00:48:52
I I think at one stage for Hong Kong and
00:48:55
these AR great stories these are not
00:48:57
good stories for anyone at home who ever
00:48:58
wants to to do any sport this is not
00:49:01
good stories by the way I I think that
00:49:03
that great stories just um because of
00:49:05
where you are at now in life and the
00:49:07
fact that you've you've been through
00:49:09
this I don't know a dark period I guess
00:49:11
and and you are through the other side I
00:49:13
think it's kind of
00:49:14
inspirational so we good War Stories
00:49:17
yeah you know I you know I was the
00:49:18
captain of the the canbury 7 side that
00:49:21
won um very long time ago the you know
00:49:24
kind of remember when we won
00:49:26
but before that I'd been out drinking in
00:49:28
the nightclub and someone had to come
00:49:30
and get me out of the nightclub to catch
00:49:31
the flight oh my
00:49:34
God those things happened and then it
00:49:36
happened again when I was going to Hong
00:49:38
Kong like someone again had to come and
00:49:40
get me help me in my car get going I
00:49:44
slept on the flight and then we got off
00:49:45
the flight and we started training so I
00:49:48
had no I had like freaking like maybe I
00:49:51
don't know 30 minutes
00:49:53
sleep how old were we at the time like
00:49:55
early 20s no I was like 25 20 well years
00:49:58
2 sish get to that that demograph
00:50:02
where you don't bounce back and turn a
00:50:04
hang over come on grow up yeah [ __ ]
00:50:08
cop on but I didn't though I didn't cop
00:50:09
on till like man I spent like six years
00:50:12
in Ireland so I I didn't cop on through
00:50:14
there like they are they enhan they were
00:50:17
like we we drank through the week and
00:50:19
you found you you like I found my people
00:50:22
I think I'm Irish I probably am a little
00:50:24
bit Irish but you know like we were just
00:50:27
like man they they can drink those Irish
00:50:29
like those pubs are full and fight as
00:50:31
well they drinking and fighting
00:50:32
apparently yeah I didn't fight when I
00:50:33
was there so the fighting actually
00:50:35
stopped around around about that age
00:50:36
anyway so yeah yeah CU so you started
00:50:40
coaching in 2012 you coached here
00:50:42
Australia Japan Ireland USA um Scotland
00:50:46
Italy Estonia yeah all over the place so
00:50:50
so during this entire coaching period
00:50:53
you were still like a little bit chaotic
00:50:55
very very chaotic yeah very chaotic I
00:50:57
was also I think you must have had under
00:51:00
under WPS to some degree like we we
00:51:03
quite quite stealthy with it no no no no
00:51:06
no how you never sort of called out or
00:51:08
no one pulled you up on it um I think
00:51:11
because I don't look
00:51:14
drunk you just handle your p no I don't
00:51:16
know I just don't I don't I don't my my
00:51:19
moods don't change sort of thing I'm
00:51:21
just so you're not getting extra
00:51:22
aggressive or violent but the time the
00:51:25
end no but you know get to miss to some
00:51:27
point it might happen but I just didn't
00:51:29
it didn't look I didn't look drunk I
00:51:31
looked the same from the start to finish
00:51:33
unless I got really wasted and then
00:51:35
someone's taking me like helping helping
00:51:37
me into a taxi but like you know so I
00:51:40
didn't you know I wasn't a Missy drunk I
00:51:42
wasn't like I wasn't Wast like I didn't
00:51:45
look wasted but I was like I was like
00:51:48
totally wasted like you know what I'm
00:51:50
saying like I was just like like people
00:51:52
were like no you don't even look drunk
00:51:53
and I'm like I am so wasted right now
00:51:55
and and the funny thing about it is that
00:51:58
I'd have one one drink and I could feel
00:52:01
alcohol really quickly so I'd get drunk
00:52:02
really quickly and then just kind of
00:52:05
monotoned it through I don't know I
00:52:07
don't know what to say
00:52:09
so you see at the beginning yeah I'm
00:52:12
just doubling back here so you only sort
00:52:13
of gave up drinking at the start of this
00:52:14
year complely so for the last couple of
00:52:17
years few years you've just been
00:52:18
drinking moderately like a normal
00:52:21
moderately yeah Norm I started what
00:52:23
happened I started getting sick like I
00:52:25
spewing every time like I'd have a
00:52:27
couple drinks and then I'd be in the
00:52:28
toilet spewing and so I was like man
00:52:31
this is there's something wrong here
00:52:32
like and then I just was like Fe and and
00:52:36
like you said the bounce back you know
00:52:38
the hangovers how old are you now 45
00:52:41
yeah it doesn't get easier no it doesn't
00:52:44
and so like the bounce backs I was Moody
00:52:46
and you know just really just and my my
00:52:49
body didn't feel right I didn't my brain
00:52:51
didn't feel right and I was just like I
00:52:53
I can't actually do this anymore I can't
00:52:54
actually function I can actually not
00:52:57
function whereas before I'd be just
00:52:59
getting up and go go go go go yeah and
00:53:02
if you got like
00:53:03
um if you got like some sort of like
00:53:06
underlying like mental health issues or
00:53:08
unresolved stuff yeah um you you can
00:53:10
numb that pain with alcohol but then the
00:53:12
next day it's even worse it's even the
00:53:14
depress yeah they they what what do they
00:53:16
say it's 20 20 minutes of dopamine and
00:53:18
the rest of it
00:53:19
how yeah the depression just exasperates
00:53:22
the problems depress you a conflicted
00:53:25
relationship with alcohol yeah I I know
00:53:28
I drink more than what I should um and
00:53:31
I'm I'm the same as you like friends
00:53:33
princi will said to me I don't think
00:53:34
I've ever seen you drunk um you know but
00:53:37
I I can not back a couple of bottles of
00:53:38
wine and oh
00:53:43
jeez I'm surprised there isn't a bottle
00:53:45
of wine right here now
00:53:47
Tom oh no I've been I've been alcohol
00:53:49
shamed by
00:53:51
m yeah no it's interesting I know it's
00:53:54
not good for me I know need to get a you
00:53:56
know get get a grasp on it but it's um
00:53:58
yeah I I'd
00:54:00
even ask myself potentially if I'm an
00:54:03
alcoholic but Society has told us that
00:54:06
an alcoholic is someone that's sleeping
00:54:07
in their car or sleeping rough or you
00:54:10
know drinking um I don't know vodka out
00:54:13
of a pump bottle or drinking in the
00:54:15
morning and that's not me spping it all
00:54:17
day and you know having your hiding your
00:54:19
bottles in the thing 100% yeah yeah yeah
00:54:22
so that's interesting so yeah so when
00:54:23
did did you did you just reached the
00:54:25
conclusion on your own that you needed
00:54:26
some
00:54:27
help I reached the conclusion that it
00:54:30
wasn't a good drug yeah and um and it
00:54:33
wasn't helping my relationships with
00:54:35
anybody and so and at at the time I
00:54:40
guess my partner was drinking and that
00:54:43
was triggering the [ __ ] out of me
00:54:45
because my father drank and so and then
00:54:47
my grandfather drank and so you know so
00:54:50
I just got to the point where I actually
00:54:53
actually I just don't I want to drink
00:54:56
and um but the but no one tells you when
00:54:59
you stop drinking what what that after
00:55:02
effect every you know you you have to
00:55:03
pay for every little sin afterwards like
00:55:06
you know you're really what do you mean
00:55:08
it's
00:55:09
like for me I don't know what it's like
00:55:12
for anyone else but like your feelings
00:55:14
are Amplified because you've numbed them
00:55:17
for so long or you've disassociated from
00:55:19
them or whatever however you dealt with
00:55:20
it now your feelings are definitely and
00:55:23
you and you figure out oh my God I've
00:55:25
got feelings so when you said pay for
00:55:27
every sin do you mean like current guilt
00:55:30
and shame about current stuff or old
00:55:32
stuff old stuff I wouldn't give a rat
00:55:34
about yeah yeah I don't care about old
00:55:35
stuff it is what it is you know but yeah
00:55:37
it's it's it's that stuff where like now
00:55:40
you you've done something and you're
00:55:42
like probably said something you should
00:55:43
haven't said which happens um and then
00:55:47
forever you're like oh I should have't
00:55:49
said that and do you know and you're
00:55:51
kind of like I think that's normal I
00:55:53
think yeah but like before before before
00:55:56
when you were drinking not a rat's ass
00:55:59
no FKS given I suppose now that you're
00:56:02
not drinking at least when you wake up
00:56:04
in the morning you're not going to be
00:56:05
like [ __ ] what did I say last night what
00:56:07
did I do I never I didn't care no cuz I
00:56:11
was like I was drunk like do you know
00:56:12
what I mean I had I I had that back stop
00:56:14
where I could I could explain my way out
00:56:16
of it oh sorry about that it was a
00:56:17
little bit had too many of the whiskies
00:56:20
and I apologize but now Blame It On the
00:56:23
Alcohol I can Blame It On the Alcohol
00:56:24
but now I've just sorry that's just my
00:56:25
personality I'm sorry I'm an
00:56:28
ass you read Ruby's book I'm famously
00:56:31
imprt yeah yeah I'm I'm I uh before we
00:56:34
get into this conversation I just want
00:56:36
to apologize I'm going to be a total
00:56:37
[ __ ] soon wow so and was there like a
00:56:41
rock bottom like what was the Catalyst
00:56:42
that made you get some like counseling
00:56:44
or therapy
00:56:46
um I think the first time I went to
00:56:50
counseling um I was in Canada
00:56:52
coaching and probably my one of my
00:56:56
relationship fails and um man we drank
00:57:00
heaps we were drinking heaps and I was
00:57:02
just sitting there one night and I was
00:57:03
just like oh [ __ ] I actually I'm not
00:57:06
okay I'm not okay in terms of like I'm
00:57:09
actually drinking more than what I used
00:57:10
to and I'm drinking a lot like lot a lot
00:57:13
a lot and um you know I'm racing over
00:57:17
police cars and running over them and
00:57:20
doing oh my God how old were you been
00:57:23
could have been 35 my God
00:57:25
[Laughter]
00:57:29
like you're one of my mates you know I
00:57:31
told you about my mates that like
00:57:32
fighting one of them was famous for
00:57:33
doing that would walk from Pub Pub to
00:57:35
Pub or Club to club and he'd go run run
00:57:38
over people's cars or whatever did he
00:57:40
did he run over a police car no not a
00:57:42
police car in Canada but also it's kind
00:57:44
of crack up when you're 1920 21 not at
00:57:48
in your 30s right like you know I play I
00:57:51
played like top level rugby right
00:57:53
towards 37 and then I just slowly like
00:57:56
you know had a stopped playing in
00:57:58
Ireland then went to Canada for weever
00:58:00
and I played one game in in
00:58:03
there this is this is not a good story
00:58:06
but um no these stories are great
00:58:07
stories this is not a good story but
00:58:10
like anyway we were short and I said oh
00:58:12
can you jump on I said yeah sure
00:58:14
whatever sat there passed the ball a
00:58:17
couple of times and then because I was
00:58:19
really not interested in playing and I
00:58:21
was hung over so then so
00:58:25
so and then um I don't know what
00:58:28
happened we're in there we're you know
00:58:30
we're we're doing okay um it was hot as
00:58:33
hell cuz it it's in the Canadian um we
00:58:36
were down in Edmonton it's a summer so
00:58:38
it's really hot I'm sweating away I'm
00:58:41
like dying and I just kep on getting hit
00:58:44
by this this this player and I was just
00:58:46
like look if you do that one more time
00:58:49
I'm actually going to I'm going to knock
00:58:51
you out and she's just like cuz she must
00:58:54
have done it three or four times and I I
00:58:56
hate being hit when I I didn't even know
00:58:58
the ball oh okay so so she was playing
00:59:00
dirty yeah and then she just goes and
00:59:03
then she did it again I got up and I
00:59:05
walked towards her and she just put her
00:59:07
arm back and I just went gonk she just
00:59:09
knocked her out like so and did War I
00:59:14
did warn her and then um so anyone
00:59:16
listen to this you do you're not allow
00:59:17
you're actually not allowed to do that
00:59:19
um so I got
00:59:20
recounted um and this is the horrible
00:59:23
thing this is this is why I didn't
00:59:25
really want to talk about it after the
00:59:27
game she came up to me and I said look
00:59:29
I'm really sorry that I hit you I just I
00:59:31
I don't know I thought you were going to
00:59:33
hit me then you know and she goes do you
00:59:35
realize I'm only
00:59:38
18 oh my God oh my [ __ ] God yeah so
00:59:43
how was that not the moment where you
00:59:46
made wholesale changes to your life that
00:59:49
was the start of it
00:59:51
okay
00:59:53
slow and I was a slow like I am so
00:59:56
freaking sorry like you know and and
00:59:59
like far out you can blame whatever you
01:00:01
want at it you can blame all these
01:00:03
things all the trauma all but doing that
01:00:05
to somebody who doesn't deserve that
01:00:07
even if she put her hand like even it
01:00:09
doesn't not matter like you know what I
01:00:10
mean
01:00:12
so I went to the guy um I went to the
01:00:18
guy uh who owned basically the club and
01:00:23
I said to him I need help I'm [ __ ]
01:00:26
drowning in my own [ __ ] basically I'm I
01:00:29
don't know if I'm going to survive this
01:00:31
like I'm I'm too old to be doing this um
01:00:34
I'm not okay like I'm really not okay I
01:00:37
I think I I need help was that hard for
01:00:39
you to say that or oh absolutely like I
01:00:42
you know I I needed help years ago like
01:00:45
but it was the first time IID actually
01:00:47
like I need I needed that we my 20s like
01:00:50
you know to be to be fair and I was now
01:00:53
like what 35
01:00:55
like it's it's it's seems alarming in a
01:00:58
way that it took you to say that you
01:00:59
think someone else would have said
01:01:01
something over the I suppose maybe you a
01:01:02
ready for it it's amazing there wasn't
01:01:05
some sort of an intervention by
01:01:06
teammates or I got away with so much
01:01:07
[ __ ] it's not funny like I got away with
01:01:10
it and that's you know you know
01:01:15
and I got away with it like it's not
01:01:18
like no one and they might have said
01:01:20
something like off cuff and stuff like
01:01:21
that joking around and but no one
01:01:23
actually was just like M what the hell
01:01:25
are you doing like you need to get your
01:01:27
[ __ ] together you need to get your [ __ ]
01:01:28
together like you know you know and and
01:01:30
like I said I'd been kicked off so many
01:01:31
teams but brought back because at some
01:01:34
point in time they kicked me off and
01:01:36
then I just work harder so I had to get
01:01:39
back on the team and I just stand on the
01:01:41
sideline sort of thing going yeah I can
01:01:43
make this team I'll get back on sort of
01:01:45
thing I had that confidence that I could
01:01:46
do it and I don't know where it came
01:01:47
from but so he got me the help um and he
01:01:52
and he paid for it like what was that
01:01:54
like a a therapist got me a psychologist
01:01:57
and we started journaling and and gave
01:02:00
me some techniques around some things
01:02:03
and you know that under that 18year old
01:02:06
even though I'd done that I I had um
01:02:07
been in a boxing ring like i' I'd done
01:02:10
Fight For Life in Ireland so I'd been in
01:02:14
so I don't know if I'm telling the story
01:02:16
very well but to do that to somebody is
01:02:18
out the freaking gate that's it's just
01:02:20
not okay and so it was
01:02:26
yeah and so I I saw her for the rest of
01:02:28
my time in Canada and then when I came
01:02:31
back to like then um you how how often
01:02:33
weekly every couple of weeks yeah every
01:02:35
second day every second day cuz I was at
01:02:37
that point where I needed to I need I
01:02:39
needed I needed more than usual would be
01:02:42
the word and that that's quite
01:02:43
confronting when you start digging
01:02:44
around and you know speaking it's like
01:02:47
pulling it a thread of cotton on a on a
01:02:48
t-shirt unre it what what did you find
01:02:51
what was the main like root of your your
01:02:54
problem s was it the sexuality thing the
01:02:57
the mold being moldy no sexuality thing
01:02:59
i' I'd come to grips with that that was
01:03:01
all good
01:03:02
um um myty I knew who I was so that was
01:03:06
fine and I I didn't need to reconnect
01:03:10
with my people that was something it was
01:03:13
it was round about rejection and
01:03:15
abandonment um so I felt really
01:03:17
abandoned and I was felt really unloved
01:03:20
um and I felt like nobody would would
01:03:22
love me or nobody would want me and so
01:03:24
so those and even now today I'm I'm
01:03:28
working through those sorts of things um
01:03:31
but it was who who who who from like
01:03:33
from your family
01:03:35
or yeah so where did the abandonment
01:03:37
issue stem from because I I was um a
01:03:40
guardian of a nephew for a while there
01:03:41
like family adoption so um uh my wife's
01:03:44
nephew he came to live with us from like
01:03:46
the age of four years and 11 months and
01:03:48
um we had to have a lot of therapy on on
01:03:50
his behalf cuz he's young and you
01:03:53
learned so much you learned about the
01:03:54
80% of the brain development's done in
01:03:56
the first Thousand Days yeah um it also
01:03:58
he had like attachment disorder and
01:03:59
abandonment issues and because of that
01:04:01
the therapist explain to us it's like
01:04:03
whenever he starts getting close to
01:04:05
someone he would push them away so he'd
01:04:07
try and make our lives difficult and
01:04:09
push us away so that when we eventually
01:04:10
give up on him he can be like that's it
01:04:13
I was right another person ditches me
01:04:16
yeah where where was your abandonment is
01:04:18
she's from so and you know everyone has
01:04:21
a traumatic story and whether it's it's
01:04:23
extreme or it's it's it's it's their
01:04:26
story but um also I hate being alone
01:04:30
like I'm I do not like it which I've had
01:04:32
to work really hard I'm a lot better now
01:04:34
I don't I don't mind it now my own
01:04:35
company's great I think I'm funny so so
01:04:39
um you are fny by the way
01:04:41
thanks um I guess from my father who I
01:04:46
thought that didn't really like even now
01:04:49
I I have a difficult relationship with
01:04:50
him we're a lot better we are a lot
01:04:53
better you think that's the
01:04:54
that's just his age and the way he was
01:04:56
bought or the military thing he just
01:04:59
wasn't very good at showing affection or
01:05:01
yeah showing like you know to get him to
01:05:03
say I love you you're like love you dead
01:05:06
you're just like all right yeah but he's
01:05:09
like a New Zealand man born in the born
01:05:10
in the 1940s yeah he's like 83 years old
01:05:13
give him a chance you know um but like
01:05:18
he he's a
01:05:21
very manly man um M so the and he was
01:05:26
brought up in violence as well probably
01:05:27
more than what I was so um and he was
01:05:32
very sort of matter of fact you either
01:05:34
do this or this is going to happen sort
01:05:36
of thing and so very much I didn't I
01:05:39
just didn't feel as though that he loved
01:05:40
me and um I and to this day I struggle
01:05:43
with it and to this day I struggle with
01:05:45
it we like I came back after um after
01:05:48
Ireland I moved back home and I lived
01:05:50
with him for a bit just to get myself
01:05:52
but I had a house in in viago
01:05:54
and I was moving out and getting my
01:05:55
stuff back into the house and getting
01:05:57
myself sorted sort of thing and
01:06:01
he I don't know if I should say this but
01:06:04
something had happened it was just
01:06:05
before Co and something had happened to
01:06:07
him and he just lost his [ __ ] and he was
01:06:11
just like you're [ __ ] dumb you're
01:06:13
useless as tits on a bowl this is this
01:06:15
this is this kind of stuff that we did
01:06:17
this is your dad this is my dad was like
01:06:18
80 years old at this time or late 70s
01:06:20
yeah yeah and your uselessness tits on a
01:06:23
ball this is what we heard when growing
01:06:24
up and
01:06:26
um I turned around and walked towards
01:06:29
him and I was like I I was like there's
01:06:32
only one and he called me stupid as well
01:06:34
which I'm not there's only one stupid
01:06:37
[ __ ] in standing in front of me
01:06:39
who can't even write a letter to
01:06:41
something so don't you dare call me
01:06:43
stupid when I've got a degree and I'm
01:06:45
just about to go off and do Masters so
01:06:47
don't you dare absolutely but there was
01:06:50
some ifw thrown in the
01:06:51
F so and I was walking why did you start
01:06:54
self-editing now yeah well I was like
01:06:56
[ __ ]
01:06:58
you oh man that's a heartbreaking story
01:07:00
and I walked towards him like I was
01:07:02
going to we were going to go Tong to
01:07:04
Tong and I got halfway over the road and
01:07:07
I had this
01:07:08
realization oh my God and I was shaking
01:07:11
and I was like I'm going to hit the one
01:07:16
person that I want love
01:07:20
from and I stopped myself and I was just
01:07:22
like you need to leave
01:07:24
you need to get your stuff you need to
01:07:26
go um and I will try and reconnect
01:07:29
another time but you need to [ __ ]
01:07:33
off and he took
01:07:35
off um I went out there a week later and
01:07:38
he's just like get out of my house I
01:07:39
don't want anything to do with you um
01:07:41
and I said Dad if you kick me out I will
01:07:45
not come back I will I will not
01:07:47
reconnect with you I'm I'm not [ __ ]
01:07:49
around with you and so it took us we
01:07:53
while to to sort that out and we've
01:07:55
slowly but surely I've put some
01:07:57
boundaries in how he speaks to me cuz he
01:07:58
used to just like you know just used
01:08:01
talk to me like a piece of shirt like
01:08:03
yeah which is not cool but you think oh
01:08:06
I'm feeling sad about this story you get
01:08:09
emotional when you tell
01:08:10
it or are you sort of like a bit numb to
01:08:13
it it's a heartbreaking story aw it's
01:08:16
yeah you see a lot lot of guys like um I
01:08:18
think of like yeah my my dad's a similar
01:08:20
AG he since late 70s and my uncles and
01:08:22
stuff and they were all pretty staunch
01:08:23
and but they generally sort of soften as
01:08:25
they get older um but it seems like if
01:08:28
your dad's doing that at 7980 it's like
01:08:31
it's been nicer to change or growth well
01:08:33
they ha but the yeah so he's not as hard
01:08:35
as he used to be and he's not as
01:08:37
explosive as he used to be but something
01:08:40
must have happened that day to really
01:08:41
stress him stress him to out right and
01:08:44
you know if I really stood back and
01:08:46
looked at
01:08:47
it he's bloody 80 years old like he
01:08:51
probably couldn't like write it he
01:08:53
doesn't understand how you know use his
01:08:54
ATM card or his cell phone or something
01:08:56
you know so it's a compassionate way of
01:08:59
looking at it it's yeah so you know um
01:09:02
so with me and him now there's
01:09:05
definitely
01:09:06
boundaries um and it gets overwhelmed
01:09:09
quite easily and I put the boundary in
01:09:11
there if you talk to me like that I'll
01:09:12
leave I'm I'm not putting up with us and
01:09:14
so now we have a better relationship
01:09:17
than we've ever had um which is
01:09:18
something that I've always wanted with
01:09:20
him was is a relationship with him cuz I
01:09:22
never had I had a relationship with my
01:09:24
mother but not him um and so I just I'm
01:09:31
I I guess I'm conscious that he's
01:09:34
83 yeah his time here is limited yeah so
01:09:37
let's just get the best out of this the
01:09:39
best out of the situation you're not
01:09:40
going to change him now to absolutely
01:09:43
not but also like you look at um yeah
01:09:47
when things happen like um the the
01:09:49
incident in Canada where you said to
01:09:51
that girl if you do that one more time
01:09:52
I'm going to knock you out you have
01:09:53
moments of realization where you're like
01:09:55
oh my God I am my father yes yeah so
01:09:59
this and that's half the problem I I
01:10:00
hated him like I I detested him I didn't
01:10:04
speak to him for two years because he
01:10:05
called me fat in front of people and I
01:10:07
was not fat I wasn't I was an
01:10:09
athlete he shamed me out in front of
01:10:11
people call me stupid but don't call me
01:10:13
overweight yeah well you can call me fat
01:10:15
now but like back then I was an actual
01:10:18
athlete I like I was like all of 70
01:10:21
kilos and like had shoulders like and
01:10:24
hamstrings and he's calling me fat in
01:10:26
front of somebody I was like oh
01:10:29
dude and so so we just basically just
01:10:32
didn't talk to each other like we we
01:10:33
were like if he was a high dad you know
01:10:35
and we just never did and and I just
01:10:37
wanted him to love me I just wanted him
01:10:39
to show and I wanted him to say he was
01:10:42
proud of me you know I wanted to say hey
01:10:44
the stuff you I always was yearning for
01:10:47
that you know and I was chasing it that
01:10:49
validation that validation has he seen
01:10:51
it has he seen his proud of you I bet he
01:10:53
has maybe part of them's jealous as well
01:10:55
because it's like you are the Apple
01:10:57
doesn't fall far from the trend you've
01:10:58
done a lot of work to get where you are
01:10:59
and he's never had the I don't know the
01:11:02
courage or the will or whatever to do
01:11:03
that work that probably the opportunity
01:11:05
cuz he had kids quite young okay yeah
01:11:07
yeah um and he had to work like he
01:11:09
didn't he went from he left home at 14
01:11:12
and had to work you know so and then had
01:11:14
kids so yeah that's not a not a therapy
01:11:16
generation and even if it was it's like
01:11:19
300 bucks for a session okay no need
01:11:21
shoes yeah yeah we need you we you he's
01:11:24
a freezing worker so they were ating a
01:11:25
lot of money so yeah so I think for what
01:11:29
I've been told by people when they see
01:11:31
him um but he talks about me in in a
01:11:36
good light and he even calls me by my
01:11:38
name midy otherwise he'll call me Mary
01:11:41
and which I cannot stand being called
01:11:43
the the P version of Mary yeah so so
01:11:46
like basically you go oh this is my
01:11:47
daughter Miry come around M oh my
01:11:49
daughter Mir you're just right
01:11:54
oh she's so good and she does this and
01:11:56
you're just like where did you come from
01:11:59
yeah well I'm sure yeah he is proud of
01:12:01
you maybe he just finds it hard to sort
01:12:02
of articulate but what what about you
01:12:04
are you proud of yourself that's the
01:12:06
most important thing I think yeah I'm
01:12:08
definitely I I think like I look back
01:12:10
and um I've done like I've done some
01:12:13
really crazy stuff some really cool
01:12:15
stuff like I coached the Estonian men's
01:12:16
team for Christ's sake you know sorry um
01:12:19
and they were awesome I was I've done
01:12:22
some really funny stuff like coaching at
01:12:25
Japan was one of my highlights um we won
01:12:28
that tournament coaching and and in the
01:12:31
states where I had an Olympic
01:12:32
Development Group that I really loved
01:12:34
they were really cool people um coaching
01:12:37
in Italy where they're like you know
01:12:39
English was zero and I'm coaching full
01:12:42
sessions in Italian and I can't speak
01:12:45
Italian so I still can't speak Italian
01:12:47
same Japan how does how does that work
01:12:49
you're coaching these foreign countries
01:12:50
like Estonia or Italy like how do you
01:12:52
get around the language barrier so there
01:12:54
was like a trans semi translator so she
01:12:56
would like seei so like it's a long
01:12:59
training It's a Long training yes you
01:13:01
might want you might have a plan
01:13:02
decision for an hour and a half it turns
01:13:04
in to be two hours because you're like
01:13:05
drawing where everything needs to be so
01:13:08
good whiteboard good understanding you
01:13:11
know a little bit of a demonstration
01:13:12
let's get to it and you're like no you
01:13:15
didn't understand that so you know Japan
01:13:18
I really love Japan I had a great time
01:13:20
um Ireland I was there for six years the
01:13:23
the team that I coached that I set up
01:13:25
over there was one of the best teams in
01:13:26
the world now a lot of them are playing
01:13:28
in the Irish Squad um they're playing in
01:13:31
the sevens and they you know text me
01:13:33
every now and then and I just love it
01:13:34
like it's cool like they're they're
01:13:36
awesome people aw awesome Bunches of
01:13:38
people that I worked with so yeah and so
01:13:40
what languages can you speak you must be
01:13:42
able to speak a little bit
01:13:48
none like that's nothing nothing you
01:13:52
speak fluent today no no terrible but
01:13:55
how how connected are you with your
01:13:56
culture now like have you done some work
01:13:58
there or yeah so so I'm doing uh my
01:14:02
masters in um treaty Partnerships and
01:14:05
alignment and doing building a rubic um
01:14:08
and basically you know doing some
01:14:11
research around how to partner with
01:14:13
moldi so that's been really amazing so
01:14:15
I've learned L doing that at the moment
01:14:16
yeah I'm doing that with egg research so
01:14:19
so I work for egg research now your your
01:14:21
dad's very wrong there's nothing St
01:14:23
about you oh I'm not stupid no no a
01:14:25
little bit dyslexic believe me texting
01:14:27
is not my thing do not text me ring me
01:14:30
no I I think that makes it even more um
01:14:33
inspiring because it's like say say most
01:14:35
people that don't have dyslexia say
01:14:37
they're starting on a a zero if you've
01:14:39
got dyslexia it's like you're starting
01:14:40
on a negative two you or negative
01:14:42
whatever you got to work that much
01:14:43
harder yeah but you can like yeah yeah
01:14:47
like just look you you got to play to
01:14:49
your your your your
01:14:52
strings and and texting and writing is
01:14:55
not my string so so I'm pretty lucky
01:14:57
that because I've identified that I've
01:14:59
got dyslexia um part of The Learning
01:15:02
Journey I guess I get a reader writer so
01:15:05
I will gather the
01:15:07
information um get as much together as I
01:15:09
can and then me and the r will sit down
01:15:11
and then we'll basically compose it all
01:15:13
together and then you get an academic
01:15:15
person to help you and so so I have a
01:15:17
lot of help but man does it take a lot
01:15:20
longer than a normal person holy crap
01:15:22
ISO yeah and and are you still high
01:15:24
performance manager at rugby South no no
01:15:27
no no stopped there girl you need to
01:15:29
update your LinkedIn
01:15:30
page um but I mean it's so that is a job
01:15:34
that you've had so you've got these um
01:15:36
you know you've had this amazing varied
01:15:39
career including some sort of like
01:15:41
office jobs I guess like that yeah
01:15:43
office jobs o yeah um so now you're a
01:15:47
commentator for sky sport and moldy TV
01:15:49
yeah so I do do FBC when we've got uh
01:15:53
when they give you the work I guess
01:15:54
because you're you're a contractor and
01:15:56
then for forart we do like super rates
01:16:00
which is all over the place so that's
01:16:03
school boy rugby yeah cool and and your
01:16:06
mental health how's that now has it have
01:16:08
you noticed like a significant
01:16:10
Improvement since you no I I think it's
01:16:12
got worse like I think I feel everything
01:16:16
and like and I'm just like I feel
01:16:18
absolutely everything now like you know
01:16:20
you know um and so I've had to work
01:16:23
really hard and and pull all of those
01:16:26
tools out to go it's just you know
01:16:29
you're just you're just sober it's
01:16:31
pretty much what I put it down to you
01:16:33
just so now so it's like this is what
01:16:36
the this is what the normal world looks
01:16:38
like and for me
01:16:41
like I found like I guess for me I I
01:16:44
love drinking cuz it was fun like I had
01:16:46
great time the dopamine hits were
01:16:48
amazing the fogginess not so much right
01:16:50
that coming down and so now on just like
01:16:53
I feel as though that my life is like
01:16:55
really sort of what I would call
01:16:58
boring but after the after the um chaos
01:17:01
the chaos that you've had is is is is
01:17:04
the boredom or the boring kind of nice
01:17:07
the peacefulness is is is different
01:17:11
um like I'm I'm at peace with a lot of
01:17:13
things um er but I do sometimes I'm just
01:17:19
like o like you know I I'm what can I do
01:17:23
that's kind of a bit fun and and things
01:17:26
like that bit Edy you know I by the way
01:17:28
can I just say how refreshing it is and
01:17:30
how much I love the way you speak about
01:17:31
that because you get a lot of um your
01:17:33
reformed Drinkers and they'll be like oh
01:17:35
you sleep so much better my skin
01:17:36
improved my life's so much better blah
01:17:38
blah blah it's nice hearing you say no I
01:17:40
missed this you know I do I do I miss
01:17:43
the you know I I we went when we were at
01:17:46
over in the states for four weeks
01:17:48
coaching um you know everyone goes out
01:17:50
drinking I was like oh I'm not going to
01:17:51
go out cuz I'm boring but I went out you
01:17:55
know went out and had a good time and
01:17:57
you know stuck on the soda Waters and
01:17:58
things like that and I was just like oh
01:18:00
yeah this is all right but in my head I
01:18:02
was like going [ __ ] this is boring like
01:18:04
this is I am so boring right now there's
01:18:07
people jumping up on the the tables they
01:18:09
look like they're having fun I'm
01:18:10
standing here watching the people
01:18:12
jumping up on the tables and I'm
01:18:14
thinking man that looks fun yeah but the
01:18:17
the the M that I've sat down with for
01:18:19
the last what 80 minutes um that's a fun
01:18:23
[ __ ] person is it yeah I I could see
01:18:26
I could imagine you do you just not have
01:18:27
the desire to jump on tables like when
01:18:29
you cuz I could imagine you jumping on a
01:18:31
table I kind of make no no no no no no
01:18:33
no not
01:18:37
sober well so what's the rest of your
01:18:40
life um going to look like what's what's
01:18:41
next what's coming up are you much of a
01:18:43
planner or goal sitter or you just see
01:18:44
what comes Comes Your Way
01:18:47
um I haven't really I've sort of been a
01:18:50
bit funny with the goal setting normally
01:18:53
I'm like I'm going to do this so when I
01:18:54
was coaching I was like I'm going to go
01:18:56
to America I'm going to go to Japan and
01:18:58
same with playing I'm going to play for
01:19:00
the kiwis do you know what I mean I was
01:19:02
and I F found that once I stopped really
01:19:04
playing high performance I was like who
01:19:06
Am I who who am I I've done all the
01:19:08
sport on my life I can't run anymore
01:19:10
because I got plates all through my
01:19:11
ankles like you know I'm just like so
01:19:14
who am I now who is midy Baker like like
01:19:17
am I a coach am I somebody who works for
01:19:20
egg research am I a friend I a family
01:19:23
member what the hell am I like and it
01:19:26
it's taken me along probably the last
01:19:28
couple years to go actually I am someone
01:19:31
that's going to do I'm going to do this
01:19:33
because I really enjoy it I'm passionate
01:19:35
about rugby do I want to coach forever
01:19:37
probably not do I want to be a part of
01:19:39
rugby yeah but I don't want to be kind
01:19:42
of I don't really want to spend 24/7 in
01:19:47
rugby um do I want my family connection
01:19:50
absolutely of course I do um so you know
01:19:52
but that's nephews nieces all those
01:19:54
sorts of things are really important to
01:19:56
me now um but my my friends are really
01:19:58
important my friends group are really
01:20:00
important as well and so I took a bit of
01:20:02
time out from uh probably January to now
01:20:06
where I just kind of isolated myself a
01:20:08
little bit to actually go Roo what does
01:20:11
Mitty Baker want and Mitty Baker wants
01:20:14
security when she's retired I still want
01:20:17
to have a little bit of fun so I want to
01:20:18
hang out with my friends I want those
01:20:20
that social
01:20:21
connections um and I want my family
01:20:23
around me as much as possible as as that
01:20:26
can happen so so that's what's more
01:20:28
important to me now um
01:20:31
not not going to America and and
01:20:34
coaching in pn7 I had a great time but I
01:20:37
didn't really like it again I kind of
01:20:41
was like a bit flat like I was I loved
01:20:44
it it was fun I didn't love it sorry I
01:20:46
did love it but it was flat like you
01:20:48
know it wasn't this like Yay like it was
01:20:52
just weird I feel like I'm a zombie and
01:20:55
so that's just nothing was sort of
01:20:57
bringing you like The Joy or the
01:20:58
happiness you thought it would maybe joy
01:21:00
joy is the word and so I've had to this
01:21:03
year I've had to really think about you
01:21:05
know I want that lifetime partner I want
01:21:07
that person that's going to be that
01:21:08
special person but I'm also really
01:21:10
[ __ ] scared of it are you in a
01:21:12
relationship at the moment no no so and
01:21:16
well you got to move out of bluff for
01:21:18
starters yeah well there you go I'm
01:21:19
moving to Christ Church in two weeks so
01:21:21
that's the first thing you know
01:21:23
on grinder and Bluff what are you going
01:21:25
to find you think I was gum grinder I
01:21:28
don't
01:21:31
know yeah so like you know um and just
01:21:34
sort of like and I I really did head
01:21:36
away I I I basically took some time I
01:21:39
needed that time it did take me longer
01:21:41
than I expected um and you know I had a
01:21:44
massive relationship breakup in January
01:21:46
and and how long how long were you in a
01:21:49
relationship for three years so not not
01:21:51
not relatively long you know like I no
01:21:53
it is though it's long it's it's it's
01:21:55
enough for it's it's enough for me
01:21:57
believe
01:21:59
me so and and so I just sort of said no
01:22:01
I need to I need to actually sit down
01:22:04
and actually be alone be okay with being
01:22:06
alone um and then you know did I dating
01:22:11
other I dated another person after that
01:22:13
they were really lovely it it just it
01:22:16
just didn't work out like and it's just
01:22:17
one of those things it's not it's not
01:22:19
like it wasn't a breakup like the
01:22:22
explosive breakup that people think you
01:22:24
know it's just just relationships
01:22:26
usually fizzle out a they run their
01:22:28
course yeah they run the course and I
01:22:29
just think on one of those people that
01:22:31
are [ __ ] scared of relationships as well
01:22:33
like [ __ ] scared of being so the last
01:22:36
you think about it from um the age of
01:22:39
was it 31 or something like that I don't
01:22:42
know I've been bouncing across the world
01:22:44
for the last 10 to 12
01:22:46
years no I feel caged in like like like
01:22:50
in a relationship I feel so PED in and
01:22:53
and I feel as though that I'm going to
01:22:55
explode like I have to do the right
01:22:57
thing I have to be the good partner and
01:22:58
I have to do this and I have to act like
01:23:00
a good partner but really what I want to
01:23:02
do is want to come in have a good time
01:23:04
and then kind of go off and do my Moody
01:23:06
stuff somewhere
01:23:08
else like you know and then still do a
01:23:10
bit of rugby and still a bit of this and
01:23:12
then and then I don't have to deal with
01:23:14
that [ __ ] is is this the ADHD do you
01:23:16
think yeah I definitely are you on are
01:23:19
you on um like Rin or consu or no we're
01:23:22
going to the process of what what you're
01:23:24
not on any meds yet no I've never been
01:23:25
on meds and I don't I honestly was like
01:23:28
look I was simply going I am not ADHD
01:23:30
cuz someone was like I think I think you
01:23:32
think it might be ADHD I'm not [ __ ]
01:23:34
ad just stop saying that to me that is
01:23:36
such that's so disrespectful you know
01:23:38
how dare you call me ADHD and then I was
01:23:41
like actually might have a point there
01:23:44
yeah you might have you're a Divergent
01:23:46
at least can we just go from hav we just
01:23:48
go sprinkles yeah sprinkles sprinkles of
01:23:50
crazy well it it's um it's exciting
01:23:52
where you're at and it's exciting that
01:23:54
you're doing you're doing the work and
01:23:56
uh you know that you've got more work to
01:23:57
do I think I think it's cool like like
01:24:00
every day is a chance to reinvent or
01:24:02
improve or tweak yeah tweaking TW you
01:24:05
always kind of you know you talk about
01:24:07
people who they're like oh I want to
01:24:08
heal I actually in my in my head I
01:24:11
actually don't think that you can heal I
01:24:13
think you can just gain tools to
01:24:15
actually mitigate
01:24:18
situations what would your uh what would
01:24:20
your message be to any any like young
01:24:23
person I I don't know like puberty age
01:24:25
teens early even early to late 20s I
01:24:27
guess moldy or otherwise um that's where
01:24:30
you were like like just angry maybe
01:24:33
drinking a bit much yeah mad at the
01:24:35
world yeah what would you what would
01:24:37
your message be to them CU it took took
01:24:39
you a long time and a lot of work
01:24:41
to I'm definitely a better person now I
01:24:44
I and
01:24:45
um yeah definitely a better person uh M
01:24:49
it's more like you're not alive
01:24:53
um there's people out there that it's
01:24:55
going through exactly what you're going
01:24:57
through um and your mind and I guess the
01:25:01
funny thing is you go back to what I
01:25:02
said to Ruby I guess when she was 18
01:25:04
that your mind plays tricks on you like
01:25:06
that they're there your mind is there to
01:25:08
deceive you same thing as like you can
01:25:10
relate it back to being an athlete your
01:25:12
mind is going to tell you you can't do
01:25:14
it but your will will do will get you
01:25:16
through and so I've had to really I and
01:25:18
I guess the message would be is like
01:25:20
don't listen to your [ __ ] head
01:25:24
my it is lying to
01:25:27
you but just just chicken yeah I I
01:25:31
really like that I think that's really
01:25:32
cool and um yeah
01:25:34
hopefully um some someone that needs to
01:25:37
hear this will hear it or someone that
01:25:39
knows someone that needs to hear this
01:25:41
will pass it on to them um but yeah
01:25:44
ultimately I think you have to reach
01:25:46
that point on your own a lot of the time
01:25:47
don't you like you did yeah I I do wish
01:25:50
that when I was younger someone pulled
01:25:51
me aside side someone did actually say
01:25:53
something when I was really younger um
01:25:56
and it was actually uh Tessa's
01:25:58
ex-boyfriend he came out to me and he
01:25:59
was just like do you know you're a
01:26:01
really good rugby player and rugby
01:26:03
league player I said no I'm just you
01:26:05
know cruising cuz I turned up
01:26:07
drunk and I'm just like you know just
01:26:09
caught a couple tries Turing up you know
01:26:11
half C and I was like no I'm not
01:26:13
actually good he goes no you you could
01:26:14
go a long way in the sport you could you
01:26:16
can make the Kiwi F and then you know I
01:26:19
tapped tesser on the shoulder this is
01:26:21
when I didn't even know and I was like
01:26:23
can I come training can I you know
01:26:24
you're the one with the biggest muscles
01:26:26
on the team can I come and train with
01:26:27
you and she's like yep and so I I tuned
01:26:30
up after that and I in the end I did I
01:26:33
did make those teams but you know wasn't
01:26:36
that's very similar to the Ruby story
01:26:37
about you yeah but you planting the seed
01:26:40
in Ruby toy yeah so so someone so I just
01:26:43
someone will some will be that Catalyst
01:26:45
of change somewhere along the line I
01:26:47
just wish someone had done it a little
01:26:49
bit earlier for me so like they and they
01:26:52
called me out on my [ __ ] I wish someone
01:26:54
had actually called me out yeah why why
01:26:56
did you get a free pass for so long I'm
01:27:00
funny I don't know I don't think I like
01:27:04
like even though I was getting kicked
01:27:05
out of team's left right and Center they
01:27:07
would bring me back into the team so
01:27:09
like you know and I just behave a little
01:27:12
bit better you know just turn up a
01:27:13
little bit earlier or so you didn't know
01:27:16
right from wrong and you could help
01:27:18
yourself yeah I suppose yeah surprised
01:27:23
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah this has been a
01:27:27
really enjoyable podcast I wasn't sure
01:27:29
what I was going to get with you like I
01:27:30
had had some done a bit of research had
01:27:32
some notes but um [ __ ] this has been
01:27:34
great this has been fun has it been fun
01:27:35
for you yeah it's been great I've now
01:27:37
that I can um go off and do my own
01:27:38
podcast yeah yeah
01:27:41
cool just using me for my um
01:27:44
intellectual property I hope you can cut
01:27:46
some of this are you going to cut some
01:27:47
of this um only I I extend an invite to
01:27:50
all the guests that if there's anything
01:27:51
they want to cut out like if you if you
01:27:53
go to sleep tonight and you wake up at 4
01:27:54
in the morning and think oh [ __ ] I
01:27:55
shouldn't have said that I'll cut it out
01:27:58
but otherwise no no you look I'm I'm
01:28:00
pretty much sure that most people that
01:28:01
know me that will listen to this will
01:28:03
will know the story anyway and know all
01:28:05
of the Antics that I got up to in the in
01:28:08
the first place and and things like that
01:28:09
so like you know is what it is yeah I'm
01:28:12
not I'm not ashamed and nor should you
01:28:15
be nor should you be yeah I oh M B I'm
01:28:18
I'm so pleased um that when you slid
01:28:19
into my DMs inviting yourself on my
01:28:22
podcast I I said [ __ ] yes I'm pleased
01:28:24
it's been a lot of fun yeah it's been
01:28:26
great thanks for having me yeah you're
01:28:27
awesome and thanks for sharing your
01:28:28
story don't don't cry too much
01:28:30
my
