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D hinwood welcome to my podcast hi it's a pleasure to be back it's actually been
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a while it has it's been like a a yeah last time we had you on was the um early
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in 2023 uh shortly after you went public with Jackie Brown on um the project about your cancer diagnosis and I was
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all a bit nervous about about being sort of public with things and one I'm stuck
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I'm still here feeling good and and looking okay and uh also you've grown as
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well so it's pleasure to be back oh it's great to have you and when not only are
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you still here like since then um you see you've gone from being diagnosed with cancer in 2020 spending the first
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sort of three years of your diagnosis and the sort of Darkness I I suppose just coping with it since then you put a
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book out which focus on it focuses on it and a three-part documentary series which is just gone to here yeah they
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they were both two things that um I really wanted to I suppose on a selfish level give to my
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family leave as a legacy whether I'm here whether I'm not and also to be able
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to to help with the public people who are going through a similar thing people who know people who are going through
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cancer or chronic illness cuz once I'd done that interview with Jackie Brown on
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the project and people contacted me and they I was like [ __ ] actually this is resonating with people and sharing my
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story a few things I've learned my perspective was resonating with people and and since the Dockers started going
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to air I've been contacted by patients and even by people who whose family members have passed away and said
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watching this gave me a frame of reference for what they were going through um they might have been people
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who who you know weren't articulate I'm blessed of this as my job articulating
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my feelings is my job so being able to put it out there and and help people is so atic and that selfish thing of sort
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of by helping other people you you help yourself yeah so we're recording this on
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a Wednesday so the the final episode of Liv and Let Die goes to Air Tonight on 3
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so by the time this podcast comes out anyone that hasn't seen it you got to watch it it's on three plus it's it's
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it's masterful actually just before we we came here for the podcast today I was
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in a the cafe down the road and um you're on the front page and there's a
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big review in the entertainment section and it's a great review but I'm wondering like even if was a [ __ ] review
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would that bother you no what this is the weirdest thing I've done you know I
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I think back to probably one of the more nervous shows I had going to air was when I did Family Feud like I'd moved to
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because people were investing in a 5:30 game show I was a late night comic no one we had a bit of cultural cringe so
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you know like the second the ratings come out how how are we doing oh God I don't want to look at the reviews with
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this it's like I don't really care what the ratings are like and you'd you'd
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have to be pretty Savage to give it a rough review like like it's it's a bit
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easier it's a bit easier to give my comedy a rough review than this so but but then I was just reading someone sent
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me a review I think it was The Herald Review or the spin-off review and just the beauty that people have have written
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about it have made me feel so blessed and also I let it all hang out like I let it all
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hang out my rule to myself was I'm going to just live and do everything and I
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don't care what I look like and I'll Trust these people who are making the
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show to not make me look good but to to carry it with some sensitivity and Justin Hawks who
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directed it was masterful uh Dom Freya who shot it it's just beautiful it uh my wife watched it which um I I
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sort of that that was the person I was most worried about about seeing it she's
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very private person um and obviously she's been the person who's really been
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wearing this diagnosis with me and she she really liked it and and it it touched her and she said this
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conveys the heaviness of what being in treatment is like and this conveys this roller coaster of of emotions and plus
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everyone's reached out on Insta and emailing me and I've tried to get back
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to everyone and and it's just been beautiful so thanks to everyone who's
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watched it yeah it's an outpouring of love I mean it's just it's it's [ __ ]
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sad to watch because it's just a it's a a reminder that you know [ __ ] things
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happen to good people and you you are a good person I was going to ask you about
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your wife yeah because she had your mom's very prominent in it um and we'll
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get into your mom what a delight oh yeah um but your wife yeah and your kids are
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in it as well to to a degree but um not your wife was that so it's very interesting cuz it was like
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um it was a conscious decision my wife not really being in it she's in a small
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FaceTime in it and then it was like oh is it like conspicuous that if she's not
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in it like is everything okay with you guys sort of thing but then it was like no this is our life she is a private
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person I'm a I'm a public person and I think it conveys both in the book and in
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the in the doco how much I love my wife and how how amazing she has been for me but also she's a different person and I
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I need to respect her her sort of boundaries and and her wishes around it too so when when did you first get a
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copy of the uh the show to watch when did you get the Vimeo link did did did you watch it with your mom and your wife
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or it was so the weird thing was I made this with friends right so everyone it's well I
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mean it's like you know working in this industry long enough whether it be radio
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or TV you meet people they become your mates and you end up sort of working here and there with them so when it
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first was edited I remember going out to South Pacific pictures who I produced it
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with and sitting in a little theater there just me and the um directors it's
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very different to when you make another show I say let's get some beers some
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pizzas we'll get people around we'll watch it have a watch party this is like
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[ __ ] this is pretty heavy bro let's just have two of us yeah and watched it
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and it was so emotional but also so uplifting for me cuz I was like so nervous about what it was going
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to be and then I was like this is exactly what I wanted it to be and then my best friend Mikey Carpenter
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graded it which is like making colorizing it so giving it a flavor and and an even color and all
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that and I had to go in and watch each episode separately with him CU he he's
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the guy who drives me to every chemo and stuff so it was hard and huge for him uh
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to do it so watching it was tough and then um got the Vimeo link then of course always nervous cuz I'm like okay
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now Mom M's got to watch it I hope she's happy with how she comes across yeah
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it's very personal and then Mom was really happy with it and Mom's a super
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proud person and so so she was awesome and um I was just sto my daughter was so cute in it as well I and your son he
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seems geez the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree um yeah there's some light moments
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in there like you mentioned Mikey Carpenter um so he drops you off to chemo and he's gives you a hug and says
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have a good one um just kind of what you're saying weird you you don't think
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about that till after right yeah and then there's like Brenan love grve like
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having a Dary in front of you like okay you just mentioned my favorite part the whole he has to be the only one in a
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cancer documentary smoking a cigarette was that was that for comedy so it wasn't
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in number two he's smoking inside which hasn't happened since like the two 2000s the best part is it's not
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in the Doo we're standing the gigs about start he gets his name gets called he
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hands me a cigarette so I'm holding a cigarette he storm runs off then he comes back and oh [ __ ] [ __ ] uh this a
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cancer dog I've just given a go cancer or cigarette um uh just H so from a personal point of view
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that's my favorite moment in it but the awesome thing is cuz I've got the the
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comedy element of it and it it it traces me building up for the show at the state
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opera house it's a nice tool to bring a bit of levity and just a change of pace
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from the the heaviness of sort of the chemo shots and then um a lot of the stuff that happens in Japan is so
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emotional as well so the comedy is a nice vehicle in there and also it's a um
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it's nice to show how your work material from a tiny little place in devonport
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through to a a sort of big 1 and a half thousand Ceder down in Wellington yeah and and that was special I'm getting a
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standing ovation at the end oh that that was that that theater so special to me that standing ovation
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was the most emotional part of my comedy career and what was the the absolute cheery on
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top was that that standup show I was so proud of on a creative level so it wasn't like hey these people are
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clapping me for my body of work and for the entertainment I've done over the
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last 20 years the show was awesome like the hit rate of laughs for that whole show was huge the um Samantha hu warmed
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up for me and Justine Smith were amazing so it was an awesome show as well so it's cool having a show you're super
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proud of plus the outpouring of emotion and this whole thing has shown me and I've I've since done that show up in
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Oakland and I did it went down to Christ Church and did it and it's cool you know
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in this world now that's quite feels quite divisive with you know everything
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that's going on in the Middle East America to to an extent New Zealand but thankfully not as much but you know
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political parties feel more divided people feel more divided seeing everyone come together
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and have a laugh and then I'm meeting people who are from completely different
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walks of life might have completely different political views but we're all just having a laugh and that's like [ __ ]
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humanity is good souls are good and and it's it's been a bit of a tonic for me
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just seeing how many beautiful people there are out there yeah but I mean that yeah that's
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that's sort of a community that you've built by because you know you you um you
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radiate love so I suppose it comes back to you and it's uh it's welld deserved
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and that's that's the thing is I love and and positivity and there's a fine
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line though between positivity and sort of toxic positivity if that makes any sense like
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there is a bit in the um spiritual sort of community or um I almost call it conspirituality
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online there's also sort of a sort of conspiracy spiritual element of people
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who are selling snake oil and that there can be quite a lot of toxic positivity of no you've just got a smile it's going
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to be okay and just gen General positivity I have [ __ ] times I cry I deal with anger and all the same
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emotions everyone does but I've just got to a place where I can realize that
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that's just part of my sort of climate if you will and it changes anger comes
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and goes like rain does and happiness comes and goes and and I've got a little
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toolbox of how to how to keep myself happy in hard times yeah when did you last cry there's
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there's a lot of lot of Tears in this documentary a like it's the most Raw and
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vulnerable and open and honest I've never cried I I have never cried in front of someone before and then I went
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well I certainly have Chang i' certainly changed that is this your first time
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crying on TV on any yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um I I I mean as weird weirdly the only
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time I used to cry in front of people was um when I was a PID and you get a bit emotional at the end of the night
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if you're on the J and um this I didn't plan to cry and I had some of the biggest cries I've ever had
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but what this this whole diagnosis has taught me and um and my wife sort of taught me as well is [ __ ] a big cry can
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sort things out oh it's cathartic isn't it so like just when you feel it
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building up and now I'll get to a point where I've been having a lot of tension
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around scans or like um I'll go back to this but [ __ ] [ __ ] got a lot worse for
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me after that documentary on the cancer side of things and when stuff's going bad I can feel it
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building up and I'm like oh right a cry is coming I just need to get sort of get
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home and just let it happen and um some with same with my wife and it's something I've learned now is going oh
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no if someone's having a big cry my partner's having a big cry I don't need
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to make them better which is a very I think it's quite a guy thing is we need to solve
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problems we need to fix things I just need to be there for her so and then that same with me is I've just got
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to cry and get it out what are they are they like frustration tears sadness tears gratitude tears at times um it's
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sadness and anger a lot like um so after the doco finished I got back from Japan
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Japan was sort of the last major part of the doco that we we shot and then I got
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back and my breathing got really bad and just before Christmas I went and saw my
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oncologist and saw that um I had a tumor sort of on my Airway that was starting to to to close off my right lung and so
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I went back into chemo and that knocked it back but not quite enough and then um I had a little break
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from chemo and then my lung collapsed um cuz the the the right lung got cut off so the top of my right lung collapsed
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and so then I went into hardcore radiation and then I just recovered from that and now I'm back into to Cho my
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breathing's a lot better but so the tears come from the reality of things and just the
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can I just get [ __ ] have a break like can I just get a break cuz it's like
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every appointment is bad news it's not it's like can I just once go along hey things are going
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pretty good at the moment we're stable let's just step some time off you know
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it's like no right get back in the trenches I've just finished round 28 I
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think it is of chemo which I worked out means in the last four years I've been
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I've done basically a year straight of chemo CU it happens in two week Cycles
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so between that and then when I TI it all off of like six major surgeries and countless days of radiation and that
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I'm like [ __ ] the time what I've gone through in the last four years considering I was a I consider myself a
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healthy person pre cancer right I'd always go to the doctor for checkups but
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I didn't have a lot of serious ailments you know and then now I've definitely
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got my oncologist on speed dial yeah yeah I got I have got a good context list of Specialists tell you there yeah
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you were you I remember like we used to I used give you Kudos on straa like pre-diagnosis you were building up your
00:17:32
running um you'd come in for interviews when we were on the radio and you're
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obsessed with Cups of Tea like you were very um yeah you were very Zen yeah I was and i' sort I've sort of embraced
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that and um there's a runner actually who's become an inspiration for me who's been
00:17:51
through some serious cancer stuff um Tommy rivs I think oh yeah yeah I know Tommy like an ultra marathon he's
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incredbly incredibly handsome and a a beautiful aesthetic on his Instagram page as well oh um how he's one of those
00:18:03
guys I looked at his Instagram page and you know you go well I've been doing
00:18:06
this wrong you know what you go he's thought his entire every post so col matches and but so he he had like a Ser
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he's only got like something like 20% lung capacity and and he's back Runner these
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huge um things and as people like that were I just he's someone who just grabs life
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you know and it's people like that and I I I look at people like him and that
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as as mentors in a way I've got lots of mentors who I don't know you know
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because now with the the beauty of podcasts of social media you can actually get to
00:18:53
learn about people and they can become a mentor without having to meet up with them if you know what I mean you can
00:19:00
take inspiration from them yeah pick their brains sort of vicariously yeah yeah um yes so the physical stuff so you
00:19:06
touched upon the six major surgeries and as we saw on the TV a massive massive back Sky yeah massive um yeah you you
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you you show everything and it's incredible yeah cuz I didn't want to I suppose I didn't want to gloss over
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anything and I didn't want to dwell in anything I just wanted it to be pretty
00:19:28
straight up and honest yeah I've got these scars I got one that's sort of
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like half an angel one cuz I've had three lung surgeries one they went through my back the other went they went
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through under my right Peck and um on the other ones on the other side so I got two uh two different surgeons
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did them and it was interesting cuz when I got the second one she was the um she
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goes I bet you I can see you up better than the they had a little rivalry and then when I went to see a me un nailed
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that like just fan yeah and she's look look at that so A buter and yeah that that was what I was nervous about
00:20:10
is I got the got the call from Justin and he's hey how do you feel about sort
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of being naked in the studio and we film your scars and you know of course that's like
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oh I'm want to be in good shape and then I'm just like actually I'd just be just
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be me and I'm stoked I did that and it's also it's a reminder for me as well when I
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watched it of going wow you've gone through all that and you got a smile on your face so that's Primo yeah you're
00:20:48
man you're so you're so resilient um so where are things at now with the chemo you're you're on chemo at
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the moment yeah so so I did last week chemo so basically say like I'll do it on a
00:21:01
Wednesday it takes two days to infuse it 4 hours in the hospital and I take away
00:21:07
a little baby bottle that's in a little um Lululemon bum bag erotically the best no this is this
00:21:16
is the funny thing right so I um go do like the colon cancer Reddit and I'm like right cuz cuz every every cancer
00:21:24
has different type of chemo right some people just do it one day for a certain cancer then you'll go back for for bowel
00:21:32
cancer you typically take it away for two days in a baby bottle so I'm like hey what's the best like bum bag for
00:21:41
these and then so many replies and they're like okay you got to get the small Lulu Lemon one I think they only
00:21:48
sell it out of the store in Canada but it fits the bag it fits the bottle perfectly ordered it it's the best thing
00:21:55
my God and oh you're walking around you're around um the chemotherapy where
00:22:02
hey where' you get that that's perfect size wasn't endorsement yeah so so it's
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amaz I don't know if the when they designed it they thought that that was the exact perfect thing for it and
00:22:15
um and so you build up like this sort of toolbox of things so yeah I take it away
00:22:21
for two days and infuses for 48 hours plugged into my chest um and then I'll
00:22:27
go back so so start on a Wednesday go back on Friday get unplugged then the real hard time start cuz you're off the
00:22:37
sort of intense drugs that keep you pepped up and everything going so you're
00:22:42
detoxing from the drugs and your body's detoxing the chemo cuz it's like if
00:22:49
you're on a bender on the piss for two days and your body's just trying to get
00:22:52
rid of the poison so everything's working overtime and then by Sunday I have
00:23:00
usually sort of come right for me I have found when I'm in my sort of chemo time
00:23:10
and that if I'm fasting and sort of there's some interesting science now
00:23:17
around keto and carnivore sort of stuff and its positive effects around chemotherapy and and so forth so I've
00:23:25
been investigating that and I found for me I cannot for anyone else everyone's
00:23:29
journey is different for me that has massively helped me get out of the The Fog quicker and then by Monday I'm sort
00:23:38
of okay on Sunday I'll start hitting ice bath and sauna to get my blood going in and out and for me I
00:23:49
found um in my for my brain when I get depressed or start spiraling with mental health I'm I need to change my state so
00:24:00
I need to get in cold or really hot and that just shakes me and um I don't know
00:24:09
any of the science around ice baths and that but for me it makes me mentally feel good so I do it and yeah it's that
00:24:16
it's building up the toolbox and because I've been in this game now for 4 and a
00:24:20
half years the toolbox is getting better yeah that's a lot of chem said 28 28 29 yeah 20 I think I I think it's 28
00:24:31
I've just done my 28 so you do it then you have a break then you do it again
00:24:35
and you it's like a s but done you've managed to do all this work as well like
00:24:39
with half your calendar block you know blank out yeah I've just looked and somehow during the next four rounds of
00:24:46
chemo I'm doing a seven days tour uh I'm better at booking things now around it so I do it in
00:24:54
six six uh chunks six um chemo chunks which is roughly 3 months right so I was like I wanted to start sort of September
00:25:07
and then get through to December and the beginning of December I'll do my last
00:25:12
round so I could then just take a break over Christmas and New Year and then gauge how things are and it is that the
00:25:21
plan is just to stay on the road until there are some more advancers m M and things are moving in the cancer
00:25:33
space weirdly AI is actually this is cancer is one of the things AI is going to massively help
00:25:43
because it can just the computational thing is it can just run run all the different models of
00:25:49
drugs and it can sequence genes heaps quicker and that and the the aim I suppose talking to a lot of cancer
00:25:57
researchers is in a way not trying to cure cancer is trying to get cancer to a point like diabetes where it's a chronic
00:26:05
illness but you can manage it so they're trying to find a combination of potentially drugs that are out there
00:26:13
that already exist that you can combine to take to just keep things stable so like how are you today like
00:26:21
you see you seem good you look good you're articulate you're sharp that's
00:26:25
the thing that that question there is what people need to ask people with cancer not the
00:26:33
big so how are you more like how you doing this morning man cuz today I'm great you know if You' asked me that on
00:26:42
Saturday oh was [ __ ] I was in bed today I'm great we had planned a a trip to to
00:26:49
see some family over in Sydney tomorrow I'm going to the Grand Final NRL Grand
00:26:54
Final with my wife and two kids so it's cool I've got some excitement to look
00:27:00
forward to but then I land back in New Zealand Tuesday afternoon and I go on to chemo Wednesday morning
00:27:07
so my timelines are so different now and that's often where tears come from is from
00:27:18
jealousy of seeing like you know like a mate a mate would text um like like like
00:27:27
Bryce Casey is good mate he texts hey do you want to play golf and then he's like
00:27:31
oh I can't I'm in chemo and that's for 5 days you know and then so it's just
00:27:38
those little things then I'll be sitting Kemo going oh he's just left working
00:27:43
sunny out there and he and and I suppose that that jealousy thing of seeing people just living everyday lives and
00:27:56
that gets Amplified by social media because Instagram is the highlights of everyone's day so I have
00:28:05
to be very careful like for instance I'm going to turn off my email turn off delete Instagram off my phone
00:28:15
and so when I'm on holiday I'm just in the moment creating my own memories with
00:28:20
my family and then when I'm in chemo I try not to look at Instagram and that cuz it
00:28:27
just Sparks you know fomo yeah the the worst kind of fomo not the fomo where you're just at home and you're not at
00:28:34
the party the fomo you're having chemo and everyone else is rocking he said cho fomo cho
00:28:42
fomo ion Bryce case he probably knew and he thought oh this is a chance to like beat
00:28:48
D yeah do you go all right do you go all right with the golf for how long I've been playing
00:28:55
definitely not definitely not th hey this is a this is an example golf's one
00:29:01
of them and ukulele is one of them for me right I reckon everyone should have something that they do as a hobby that
00:29:10
they're [ __ ] at that they never want to do publicly right I love performing I love playing
00:29:18
the ukulele and I'm so bad at it and the I would never want to do it on stage but
00:29:25
I love doing it by myself someone everyone should have a hobby for them that's just for themselves paint it
00:29:33
doesn't matter if you're [ __ ] at painting and for me that's a good outlet
00:29:37
and I don't know why I still play golf I've been the same level of [ __ ] for
00:29:44
like 10 years but I really 10 years oh oh you've done your 10,000 hours I've
00:29:50
done oh you're going to drop it son look I am living evidence that Malcolm Gladwell is a liar
00:29:59
oh it's enjoyable though isn't it I reckon I played very little golf but you
00:30:03
know you can have like a hundred [ __ ] shots and then one where you just connect and it doesn't hurt and it makes
00:30:08
that sound and the ball flies where you imagined it was going to fly and that's
00:30:12
enough to get you back yeah and that that is what I do it and also I do it because unfortunately with a lot of the
00:30:19
the lung stuff like for me my meditation exercise thing was like running and as you know when you step out of running
00:30:30
say for 3 months that first run is like hold on how do I used to just bang out 20ks 3ks is feeling pretty rough you
00:30:40
know and for me now with the lung stuff it's like oh actually this is not a push through
00:30:47
moment this is a you know this is a look after yourself moment so I'm aware how
00:30:53
important for your mental health and your physical health getting some exercises so for me like
00:30:59
golf is sort of slow exercise but I'll go and walk for 4 hours you know now now
00:31:06
I'm sort of more I'll walk the dogs and do and do bigger walks and now I'm
00:31:13
starting to to breathe a bit better I'm looking at sort of getting into the to
00:31:17
the runs and like my um my son's liking a bit of running so we want to first
00:31:24
goal is to try and do you know do a bit of training do a park run together the little 5K cuz I discovered
00:31:33
Park runs when I was sort of trying to not drunk get off the piss slowly and as a tour and comma cuz like oh I'm in
00:31:42
Melbourne look at a park run Edinburgh there's a park run you know and then you
00:31:47
could have these things that you could just keep track of all around the world and then oh there's one in Western
00:31:52
Springs you know so and it's cool cuz 5Ks is a 5Ks I believe is a great distance for an amateur runner cuz it's
00:32:05
that it can either be a real challenge if you're getting into it or if you're
00:32:09
in the Rhythm that's something you can really push for you to B A Time yeah no it's great anyone that
00:32:17
hasn't done a park run I recommend you do it um yeah they have them all around
00:32:21
the world it's free logs your times it's pretty brilliant and there's also I
00:32:25
noticed it's really a real cool crew of people show up to those things it's neat
00:32:32
it's a tribe he yeah it's a tribe um so yes so the chemo does it get any easier
00:32:39
you know how most most things you do in life like say you're scared of a bungee
00:32:42
jump you do a bungee jump by the time you've done 28 29 bungee jumps you know
00:32:46
it's is is that is that how us with chemo or no is it difficult the so the first nine rounds I
00:32:54
did um was the heaviest Kemo done and it was this drug uh I'm probably not pronouncing it correctly it's oxy
00:33:03
plantin and it gives you neuropathy so where um any change in temperature feels like electric shock so I was wearing
00:33:12
gloves to get milk out of the fridge um an amazing thing is that's the chemo Dean
00:33:21
Bara was on and I was talking to him about it and he was Bloody training for the America's Cup while doing it so he
00:33:27
like heated gloves and stuff while he was out on the water because it gives you this um this
00:33:35
neuropathy then I moved on to one that is what I'm doing now is slightly easier in terms of it doesn't
00:33:45
have that side effect but it doesn't get easier some rounds are easier than others
00:33:52
but that has no Rhyme or Reason like I'll sometimes I'll be [ __ ] I'm not in
00:33:58
the zone for this I'm just going to struggle then I don't find the round
00:34:03
that hard and then other times I'll feel like I'm dialed in and the round will be
00:34:11
epically hard so n unfortunately it does never gets easier because in this documentary you say it's um chemo is a
00:34:18
5-day punishing hangover hardest thing I voluntarily done I suppose you to continue that analogy you know sometimes
00:34:25
you can you can drink and you wake up the next day feeling fine other times you have like three beers and you wake
00:34:29
up with their hangover no it's completely like that yeah when you're like oh I didn't even drink that much
00:34:34
why do I feel you don't drink that much and you're like [ __ ] this is lingering a
00:34:38
couple of days or no it's it's exactly like that and I just liken it I think to
00:34:44
booze because it's your liver processing poison when you drink too much alcohol and but the sad thing is
00:34:52
you don't have any of the the good times around it and I've also buil up I use the term toolbox a lot like I
00:35:02
now have found there's a drug like a a sort of anti-anxiety drug called lorazapam that
00:35:10
that people might be familiar with I've found that now I take that a small dose of that before I go
00:35:17
into chemo a small dose of that at the end of the first infusion and it's almost like a bit of an amnesiac it
00:35:24
helps me sleep it takes away uh cuz you get associative nausea with chemo so I'll get nausea pulling into the car
00:35:35
park before I've even got the chemo because your body's like this is where
00:35:41
this is where it goes down that that helps with that I I sort of only discovered that around round 20 so you
00:35:48
know and then once I had that I was like oh wow this is a game changer and it also combats the um you have a drug
00:35:55
called dexamethasone which a give you which is the drug that um Donald Trump took when he got
00:36:02
Co and he took so much makes you quite crazy he took not that he needs more of that he was crazy before that and he
00:36:11
took a heavy dose of that right and he ordered a Superman suit sent to the hospital cuz he wanted to walk out of
00:36:17
the hospital rip his normal suit off and he had a Superman suit on underneath at
00:36:23
his eyes there's a great New York Times article on this at his eyeses intercepted the suit and managed to talk
00:36:30
him down cuz this it's almost like methampetamine like it you feel so it's a heavy steroid
00:36:40
so it's what helps is antor it keeps all your organs going but um coming it means it's very hard to
00:36:48
sleep this lorazapam sort of helped that um medical marijuana alongside that so you do get you do figure out and you
00:36:58
also find out your limitations you know of going when I need to lie down when I need to rest what food makes me feel
00:37:07
[ __ ] what food makes me feel good you I mean before before the cancer you were I
00:37:12
think quite in tune with your body I guess you're even more so now but do you
00:37:15
have like how do you how do you get up for each round like you um from a mental perspective the hardest thing is after
00:37:22
so now I'm going say weake out from doing another one but I'm still in the phase where I if I
00:37:31
think about it I'm like I can't do it I can't do it but then I find a couple of
00:37:37
days out I'm like oh I think I can do this and then it's inevitable it's just there and then I
00:37:49
break things down into chunks of okay just got to get home and have a rest you know know I plan a few shows
00:37:59
I'm going to watch I take it easy and um then I come out the other side and then it's that mental thing of
00:38:07
okay I've done three out of the six and because you can only do chemo if your
00:38:14
Bloods have come back to a level because it kills so many of your healthy blood cells right so you have these things
00:38:22
nutrifil and you need them above a certain level to do the chemo so after I've done four rounds of chemo I have an
00:38:30
extra week break so I have two weeks in between rather than one week so now I'm
00:38:34
like right I'll get to that fourth one now I got two whole weeks you which to
00:38:40
most people are like two weeks but to me I'm like two weeks man that's huge what
00:38:45
am I going to do I'm might write another book definitely not writing books is
00:38:50
very H do you think um when would it get to the point where you think n that's it
00:38:55
I'm done no more chemo I'm I'm just done can't face another round you're talking the dock about
00:39:01
thing called cheemo resistance like do yeah you I'm sure you'll get to that
00:39:06
chemo resistance point before you you give up yeah so well I mean I an example is I I do chemo alongside a drug called
00:39:15
a vastin which um mck with a blood supply to tumors and this chemo is working less than it
00:39:24
did at the beginning and then I've got enough drug chemo and it's not chemo but
00:39:30
it's administered alongside chemo that I can move on to and then I think that might be the
00:39:38
last drug I can the last option I have in that on that sort of toolbox that that Arsenal so
00:39:48
I at the moment I can do it because for me three month blocks is manageable right six is manageable and then have a
00:39:59
have a breath recalibrate get everything back as as sort of healthy as it can be
00:40:07
and then and then go again and then I'm constantly researching I'm constantly
00:40:14
looking you know I'll spend I'd reckon I'd average an hour to two hours a day reading medical papers
00:40:21
researching things you know um I've become uh huge cat GPT guy just how good is that
00:40:33
just for you know I'll get 10 PDFs on a certain thing around cancer put them all
00:40:41
into chat GPT analyze what are the what are the commonalities between these things and
00:40:49
i' I've found AI when you're actually when you are giving it a corpus of data so it
00:40:56
can't hallucinate by going on the web and making things up it's it's it's
00:41:01
amazing and it's a great leveler because it means it can interpret a three page
00:41:07
scientific PDF I'm not qualified to read and it can put in layman's terms then if I see
00:41:15
something interesting from the outcome I'll will go and double check it and all
00:41:19
that and for me I'm a I'm a curious person so that helps me and I'm always keen on
00:41:29
trying new things trying diet interventions trying maybe some offl label drug interventions that as long as they're
00:41:38
not conflicting with my standard of care and I run everything past my oncologist I'm I I'll do it cuz I then I
00:41:47
feel like I've got some agency over it I'm actually advocating for my own
00:41:52
health and is it is shown that people who people who buy into their own thing and become active
00:42:00
patients have better outcomes rather than just passively doing what they're told I sort of do
00:42:09
what's recommended but I like to cheuck on my own to Cent I think that's the
00:42:14
right thing to do as well like it's a there's a quote from I think Socrates
00:42:17
that um you know you're a fool if you're not your own doctor yeah um and the
00:42:22
information's out there so you should explore it 100% And also it's that thing
00:42:25
of don't people shouldn't be scared of things I'll read stuff like something might might be
00:42:35
considered snake oil or there might be it might be an off Lael drug that people are using and then everyone's like why
00:42:42
no that's all conspiracy it's all [ __ ] and then I'm like well why are
00:42:47
the why is this huge community of people using it so then I'd like to investigate
00:42:52
that and it's keeping an open mind on everything I think cuz you don't have to do it but
00:43:00
you may as well investigate it giving yourself every possible chance for a successful outcome isn't it yeah
00:43:08
and for me it's doing something it feels like I'm I'm not just sitting there I'm
00:43:16
actually making an effort and I do I do try things and and if they work they work or if they
00:43:23
make me feel better they make me feel better and it is just being in tune with your body being in tune which
00:43:32
I I was but I wasn't at the same time oh I think yeah pre-cancer I think you probably
00:43:40
were you probably weren't compared to how you are now but compared to most people you definitely were yeah which re
00:43:46
which is also a bummer in its own its own way and it shows how something can just creep up and that's the freaky
00:43:56
thing about I I I was contacted a couple of days ago by someone marathon runner clean
00:44:05
eer smoo in their face off they're in the same situation as me right they didn't have your history of boozing as
00:44:15
much as I did that they were your glass of wine at a wedding person you know and
00:44:21
they're in the same situation at me so it is a leveler you know and it's
00:44:27
worrying I have no answers as to why this is but it's really worrying how prevalent cancer is
00:44:36
amongst people under 50 and I mean who knows there's no cancer does not have
00:44:44
one cause unless you're sort of asbestos related or something like that it seems
00:44:51
to have multi causes and then you go who knows seems to be quite prevalent in this Gen X sort
00:44:58
of uh you know but then when I look back at the amount of weird Tupperware we were
00:45:05
putting in the microwave and stuff there's probably no surprises yeah yeah [ __ ] it's a lot mate
00:45:14
yeah that's a [ __ ] lot when when did when did your last cry it's actually
00:45:19
been a while for me weirdly when I'm in when I've started chemo I feel quite
00:45:30
resilient it's almost um almost so I either read Zen books or books about SAS dudes going
00:45:40
hard out and so I love too there's no middle ground like reading your Mitch RS and
00:45:47
your Jo yeah Jo just all these sort of hard out guys and um I liking it a bit like that
00:45:56
like it feels like when I'm in chemo I've put my kid on and we're flown in and I'm on a
00:46:04
mission you know let's [ __ ] go let's [ __ ] go let's get through this this
00:46:10
is the end zone then when I get to the end that's when I deal with a PTSD of it
00:46:16
all and well that's that's understandable that's cuz you're broken
00:46:20
right yeah and then I can have a cry and sit back but also it's a cry of like I
00:46:25
did it m got through it like my tumor markers were high you know like like an an example of how perspective
00:46:37
changes for bow cancer they monitor a um thing called CA and um for different people it reacts
00:46:47
differently but for me when my CA is high it means the tumor's growing like I've
00:46:55
proven the link for for my body and then I'm like for me couple of years ago High I'm like
00:47:03
[ __ ] it's 40 right now it's like 260 and I'm like well that's hot like so getting changing
00:47:12
that perspective of going I was at 40 and I so in a normal a person who doesn't have bowel cancer you you'd
00:47:19
probably see three or less um and for me I was like oh 40 right I'll try get through chemo and get it down to
00:47:30
10 and then it was okay I'll try and get it now it's like I'll try and get it
00:47:34
under 100 so it's that thing of moving goalposts yeah the moving goalpost and
00:47:40
what is what is a win for me now would have felt like a massive loss you know a year
00:47:48
ago is it just constantly being prepared to like adjust and change your mindset yeah and also not to live and die by the
00:47:56
numbers and the scans to actually live and die by in the morning I'll get up I
00:48:04
like to go and stand on the lawn and bare feet and just listen to the birds do a bit of sort of chiong or meditation
00:48:11
and that's when I check in and do the how am I feeling how am I feeling right now and
00:48:19
there's a um uh amazing uh person I think she's from Harvard called Ellen
00:48:25
Langer um who they're saying if people check in on themselves more regularly you actually
00:48:34
find you feel better cuz I'll check in on myself four or five times during a
00:48:40
day and I will go I know I'm you know four out of those five times I'm might
00:48:45
go I'm actually feeling good and then I can go no I'm feeling good today it's
00:48:49
like an advanced mindfulness really isn't it yeah and she she was a she's
00:48:53
done a lot of studies around the impact words have right which is a lot why they now don't sort
00:49:04
of work around timelines telling someone they have 6 months to live influences whether they
00:49:11
live six months or not you know if you had the same cancer at the same stage and a doctor tells
00:49:20
person you're you got 5 years mate at least and goes no you've got six months
00:49:27
that actually influences the outcome yeah understand language because people get the Mind Body is all one
00:49:36
thing and how we talk to ourselves and all that so she she became quite she's
00:49:43
done some amazing studies not just around cancer on all these uh uh different things and that's a beauty now
00:49:51
of information and podcast and I would never have heard of her M back in the day but she just stumbled across my
00:50:02
algorithm and completely changed my thinking gez you you're doing some phenomenal work in the space eh yeah you
00:50:10
must be like a I mean it's it's accidental and uh you wouldn't wish it
00:50:14
upon anyone but um you know you're you're the right person for this uh for
00:50:19
this role at this time what's so weird is if you saw my school results you know I would not have thought I'd be
00:50:30
studied looking at scientific papers and being able to um potentially help people
00:50:36
and stuff and it's it's the example of the right person for the right time
00:50:45
never underestimate who you are because that can change you can become someone else don't under sell yourself don't
00:50:58
CU I am a better person now I am a happier person ironically now than I was when say family few for instance when
00:51:12
I now I've lost so much work over the last four years I've lost so much money
00:51:18
due to this for having to turn down projects combined with the fact that the media Landscapes just changed so much
00:51:25
it's not really a lot of TV projects out there but my family few time I was on TV five
00:51:33
nights a week Gigan everywhere earning great money having a great time I'm H I'm ironically happier
00:51:43
now and I have stage four cancer than I was then because I know who I am now and I'm happy with who I am
00:51:54
and I'm proud of who I am I'm proud of who you are too who who would have thought the kid that um was
00:52:00
obsessed with that sex B in your parents Library How well thumbed was that oh my
00:52:06
God oh my God do you um yeah yeah we'll get back to the documentary for a bit so
00:52:12
you you do things like that you're play playing it up for the camera a little
00:52:15
bit afterwards you're like oh God why did I do that yeah always why did I sh and also I saw that again it was um
00:52:23
there's this book sex in the movies that had some good boobies in it and now I'm
00:52:29
thinking back like wow before the internet just one picture of boobs went a long way it did a lot of hard yards a
00:52:39
lot of heavy lifting for many years yeah God you're um yeah that's in your your
00:52:44
family home which your mom has um downsized um God what a special lady yeah I I um yeah I thought thought about
00:52:52
her a lot after watching that so she's um 78 Dame Carolyn hwood yeah um court
00:52:58
judge so she she lost her her husband your dad a couple of years ago um now she's been dealing with this and I'm
00:53:03
sure she's a strong stoic lady but [ __ ] it's a lot to endure it was for a mom of
00:53:08
one it was huge because 2019 I lost my dad 2020 I was diagnosed in the 18 months leading up to
00:53:18
his passing he had dementia so you basically dementia is but when someone's in the throws dementia that is
00:53:28
grieving for someone while they're still alive so we went through that had a buried him sort of
00:53:40
August 2019 then you move into summer Co me being diagnosed April right at the the
00:53:51
beginning end of the co pandemic and we were separated for that right so the only time we saw each other
00:54:01
was like a catch up in a car park um and Mom's she's been a lawyer and a judge
00:54:12
and what was so Primo is being able to have her on my medical team so she'll FaceTime in when
00:54:20
I'm with my oncologist and it's great cuz when he's talking to me I'm the
00:54:24
patient so I'm like my head's just swirling trying to process oh [ __ ] what does this
00:54:32
mean what's that lung thing that whereas she's a bit more critical so then she can answer the
00:54:41
questions ask questions sorry and then also it means when I come out of the meeting I'm not trying to ring her and
00:54:49
relay what happened you you're you're a creative as well and I suppose she's
00:54:53
more of a like an analytical no and she'll be asking me like so what did he say what was his tone there and I'm like
00:54:58
oh uh I think he cuz also words matter so much in those yeah things because an oncologist will never sugarcoat anything
00:55:08
for you they cuz they can't give false hope right so you cling to what they say
00:55:15
and and having her part of my medical team is awesome she's an amazing grandmother she's an amazing
00:55:22
mother-in-law and we're such a a tight unit because I'm an only child she had three siblings and they've
00:55:33
all passed um my dad had three brothers and they' all passed and my dad's passed so we're
00:55:42
a small family you know I've got beautiful cousins luckily uh and it's a small unit so having her
00:55:53
there and it it was big selling family house cuz we never moved they bought the house just before I was
00:56:00
born and I grew up in that house and then Mom luckily sold it downside to a small place in Wellington
00:56:11
and got a small apartment close to us in West ockland and it's cool cuz now we
00:56:16
see more of her um she can sort of be be around and and she was massively helping me while I was came
00:56:26
over this the previous summer and has brought us very close cuz it's honest and she's like me she's
00:56:37
optimistic but also as it goes on you got to be optimistic but then the reality of of it all starts to at
00:56:47
home yeah has has she always been good at showing vulnerability with you and vice versa like you talk about your dad
00:56:54
in the documentary and um I suppose he was a he was a loving dad but a product of his generation so he you you knew he
00:57:01
loved you through actions rather than words and your mom after he got diagnosed with dementia she she made him
00:57:08
uh go and like say the things that he had never never said was she like the the loving one the one that expressed it
00:57:15
with words she did express it with words uh the frame of reference for dad was he's a Welshman who
00:57:26
was bombed his house was bombed to Smither when he was a kid you know they were CU When the Germans hit Britain in
00:57:36
World War I the Welsh Town Swansea where we're from was one of the first towns
00:57:41
bombed where it's where the planes came in so that got leveled you know and so
00:57:47
they took kids and the kids went and hidden the forest and [ __ ] while um the adults were in bunkers and things so
00:57:57
you can't underestimate the mental trauma that that causes people even even as young
00:58:05
kids so yeah we would talk rugby and we'd talk about performing and love came through in that
00:58:16
and I always knew he'd loved me dad you know he loved me to bit and but Mom was probably the you know the more
00:58:28
Huggy she pardon me she was the more Huggy lie with me when I'm sick and that
00:58:34
sort of carry on yeah it comes through it's a special relationship well even
00:58:38
and yeah vice versa with you to to her like there's a card um that she still it
00:58:43
on the wall unit that you wrote when you were 21 which is really really um really
00:58:48
well written like it's really poetic so I hadn't read that since I was 21 and I
00:58:53
read it in the docker and I'd never real realized why it was up there it was
00:58:58
profound and then when I I was like oh my God and I was super stoked that I managed to articulate how much I
00:59:11
love my mom as a young kid because I don't think a lot of people do and I used to like to
00:59:21
write poetry um when I was younger and sort of um that was a creative outlet for me and
00:59:29
I've always liked to express my emotions and cards and I've always been pretty
00:59:33
good at telling people how I feel about them so I think it's really important to tell if you
00:59:42
love someone tell them and tell them why you know yeah absolutely like yeah you're born with a like a a limitless
00:59:49
supply of compliments like it's it's not going to run out no you can don't use
00:59:53
them sparingly no just just dish them out and it is it is amazing how you can change someone's day I think
01:00:05
it was um it got emphasized to me when I was it was years ago actually and it's
01:00:11
was like an in a CF or something and I remember the person in front of me talking to the server
01:00:17
going [ __ ] you look good in that top not as like it wasn't like a pickup line or
01:00:22
anything it was just sh you look good at that top and then when she was serving me I was like she is beaming you know
01:00:29
like they just but like if you think it just say it yeah it's guessing someone up and it's like
01:00:36
you pump someone's tirres up and then everyone and it's that thing of it's
01:00:40
that idea of if you do something nice for someone and you don't tell them or you don't try
01:00:46
and take credit you just do something nice for someone they think the universe is a better place than it is or they
01:00:54
that well as it is they think the universe is a better place so then they do something nice you know like just you
01:01:01
can just do nice things and and do tell people you love them because you never know when you're going to
01:01:10
um you never know when something's going to happen you're not going to see
01:01:15
someone we had we had someone in our wider Community recently who's younger than me just pass
01:01:22
away like that right yeah no no signs and that made me go right I've been dealing with this for 4 years it's
01:01:32
constantly there what what's this sort of what could this timeline be like this
01:01:37
person's just taken and you you hear about that happening and it makes you go what what are the things that people
01:01:47
wanted to say you know would you regret not just taking five minutes to text that person like should I love
01:01:56
you man you thanks for helping me out with that or so so share the love share the compliments and love is one of those
01:02:02
things the more that gets out there the more there feels there is yeah and so how old are your kids now
01:02:12
11 and eight God they're cute kids aren't they they are and I make sure I I
01:02:17
mean I'm the opposite words wise of my dad I tell them I love them all the time I I I'm very open
01:02:27
I'm very open with that and um I think it's important and and it's you know parenting's not easy I we
01:02:39
have our ups and downs but I'm super proud of them I'm super proud of how they've sort of
01:02:47
processed this all without I obviously don't flood them with info the doco is not
01:02:56
appropriate for them to watch I'll sort of clip out the bits that they're in and
01:03:00
show them but that's all they want to see anyway yeah but the emotion and the
01:03:06
message is a bit too much for them at present uh but I'm stoked it's there is
01:03:12
a resource for later life when um who knows I could still be rocking it and they can look and
01:03:21
go Dad dealt with the heaviest [ __ ] in his life life with his head held high and he
01:03:29
dealt with it in a good way and I hope that they realize that that's in them as well cuz I I tell them I'm
01:03:40
proud of them I know who they are I know who they're going to be when they're
01:03:45
25 I know they're going to be good people cuz I know who they are and that's not going to that's not going to
01:03:52
change and I make sure they know that they're humans and humans are made out
01:03:58
of Stardust man you know we got iron running through our blood where do you get iron from the only place you get
01:04:05
iron from is a collapsing star so we're made out of Stardust and I make sure
01:04:09
they know that and know that the universe is a better place with them in it cuz I think if you instill
01:04:16
kids with not a self-importance but just man you are special and when I say you're special I don't mean you you need
01:04:25
to be a flash lawyer or an Entertainer you could be special just by being a hippie who sits on the Junes and watches
01:04:34
sunsets I don't care what you do as long as you find what your internal happiness
01:04:40
actually is that's so cool that's wonderful oh man that's some heavy [ __ ]
01:04:49
you've been dealing with EH that never ceases to amaze me I do I I was texting
01:04:56
with a mate who texts me and he goes um I um I've just been overseas I'm
01:05:02
going to watch I'm going to catch up with a doo when I get back and I just text him back go
01:05:09
man when you've watched it let's not talk about it let's get together and
01:05:13
just tell some dick jokes man you know there's plenty of dick jokes in well but
01:05:19
it's just like it's also I'm in this Jer position of through the book through the doco I
01:05:29
preach that I'm living with cancer and to live in the moment and then I'm like I've actually
01:05:36
got to start doing some of that you know cuz I've been documenting it and and so
01:05:43
now I I'm really proud of what I've got out there and now I'm just going to live
01:05:50
and be the best version of myself I can and where I can help people I I can and to any anyone who listens to this who
01:05:57
reaches out to me I honestly try and get back to every um person there's a there's a there's an amazing human is
01:06:06
nam is Derek cers um he's sort of done the podcast round he's a um he he's an amazing he's sort of someone
01:06:17
I look at as a mentor American guy then find out he lives in Wellington which was very weird just and um he answers
01:06:26
every email right I emailed him and he answered me and I was like I try and answer every email and I really
01:06:34
appreciate it and I am reading what what people send me and it it might take me a
01:06:39
bit of time to to get back but thank you to everyone I'd just like to say thank
01:06:44
you to everyone thank you to yourself man and like so many people have have showed me kindness in my life and I
01:06:54
think that's also so where I've I've got the kindness from yeah it's reaping what
01:06:59
you say though isn't it yeah completely yeah hey I mentioned on Instagram you're
01:07:03
coming I've got some questions should we in with some Instagram questions let's
01:07:07
some Instagram questions um you went to see a b cancer specialist 2 to three years before your diagnosis
01:07:14
how do you find peace with that this is a huge one this is something maybe I've
01:07:19
found peace with more than my family have um so it wasn't strictly about cancer specialist so I had bleeding from
01:07:29
the bum right huge symptom of colon cancer doctor thought it was potentially a um anal Fisher it didn't fit the bell
01:07:40
curve of what needed for a colonoscopy but I went to a bow specialist who did a short um a short sort of colon mini
01:07:50
colonoscopy I don't know exactly what it's called and they didn't find
01:07:54
anything but thought yeah it's probably an anal Fisher that's 2017 right and
01:08:00
then 2020 I'm diagnosed with bow cancer so it's like would that be the difference
01:08:07
between um had one surgery and a bit of chemo and I'm clear now because Bale cancer
01:08:14
out of the cancers if you do find it early you it's you got a pretty high rate of being okay yeah I've had Dean
01:08:21
Barker and Alex pler on the podcast same thing caught it relatively early both Legends been in contact both of
01:08:28
them and they beautiful humans and I so I had to park that right that's something you could hold on to and get
01:08:38
bitter around but that's not going to help me the way I reconciled it none of it was done maliciously
01:08:48
right both of those doctors wanted to help me they've both gone over the nightes
01:08:55
and you know that's just what happened so I have to just park that up as that's what
01:09:02
happened you we we talked before about our love of like SAS guys and there's
01:09:06
this guy um Joo willing he's got a book oh no Joo willing his Instagram's just
01:09:10
photos of his bloody watch 4:30 why are you in the gym but he's he's got a book that I
01:09:17
really like called um extreme ownership and I was trying to figure out on my run
01:09:22
today how that applies to you because it's it's basically just saying own
01:09:25
everything like blame no one else for anything you know extreme ownership and but you kind of did that's a frustrating
01:09:32
thing no also what's the frustrating thing is I did everything they tell you to do you're
01:09:39
worried see your doctor I was worried I saw my doctor my doctor didn't know the
01:09:44
answer sent me to a specialist so you know it's like what more could you have I literally owned it
01:09:50
and I literally did but but then you want to put a positive spin on that I didn't have health insurance in
01:10:00
2017 and then I did and health insurance has made this path for me a lot easier oh thank God
01:10:09
so yeah yeah so I mean pros and cons yeah uh is there anything you wish you did differently not really I do wish the
01:10:22
biggest thoughts for me are the dark thoughts around you know was it I was drinking too much did I party too much
01:10:31
is that what gave me bow cancer you know did I not figure out how to manage my anger properly you know
01:10:39
like um I was a bottle up passive aggressive bottle up well yeah I never saw that I I suppose I I never really
01:10:45
saw you on sort of like interview circuits and stuff yeah and I I never like no I when I say anger it's not like
01:10:53
I were're getting fight yell at people people argue with my misses and that it
01:10:57
was internal anger um and then when people reach out to me like the the person I mentioned before Who
01:11:09
marathon runner clean living and so forth then I'm like actually no I know people who still party way
01:11:17
more than me who are still getting on the bloody gear and and dance parties and they they're older than me and
01:11:25
they're fine so no I had to park all that stuff cuz you have to figure out what's healthy for your brain and
01:11:36
what's not Emy raking stuff over the coals of regrets misdiagnosis that ain't helping me
01:11:45
moving [Music] forward cancer has taken away so much has it given you anything good yeah it's
01:11:52
given me that honest happiness that uh I was talking about it's given me it's fast tracked my spirituality
01:12:05
it's fast tracked my mindfulness it's been this um massive kicking the nuts and a wakeup
01:12:13
call I'm a better husband I'm a better father I'm a better person but then it's that thing of um
01:12:21
there's a phrase I heard which I don't necessarily agree with the whole of it it's cancer
01:12:28
is a teacher and when it has taught you what you need it will go I don't I don't
01:12:34
agree with that but it's an interesting idea right cancer is a huge teacher anyone who's had cancer will tell you
01:12:42
it's a teacher and I'm not saying it's a good teacher or a bad teacher but that's
01:12:48
the thing is I I feel I've learned enough now how long how long is this degree
01:12:53
yeah exactly um how different would your life look now if you had not been through
01:12:59
this you probably stressing about losing all the TV projects yeah that that'll be
01:13:05
that's interesting cuz I don't know how my life the the arony is like um is I my cancer happened at the
01:13:17
beginning of Co so I was dealing with um the beginning of chemo and all these surgeries through Co so to me I
01:13:25
was like why was anyone talking about Co what do you mean you're stressed out cuz
01:13:31
you're at home and you're drunking too much wine you know that's not an issue
01:13:36
bro so so to me and then then I suddenly went then I realized because people come
01:13:43
up to me a lot and go oh man I'm B da D having these issues but it's nothing
01:13:47
compared to what you're going through and then I go no it is man cuz before cancer
01:13:55
an issue seem just as big as cancer does so to other people their issues are just
01:14:00
as big to them as cancer is to me and it made me realize that problems are just problems issues are just issues everyone
01:14:07
has them and your brain gives them this high this hierarchy that they're all so
01:14:12
important but it's not until you actually unfortunately stumble across something like cancer that now I went oh
01:14:22
wow these problems are nothing you know the the stuff I was worrying about is nothing and that it
01:14:31
all changes and it all moves and time passes so I've I feel I'm I'm a a better person I've I feel in
01:14:46
in a sort of Pokemon sense I've evolved I've evolved into my into my best iteration
01:14:56
yeah I love that are there any misconceptions about living with incurable cancer that you'd like to
01:15:01
address yeah there is all I knew about cancer was from TV and that people St you know clutching onto the IV
01:15:14
stumbling through the hospital and sort of gaunt GA and frail and and unfortunately the Bold thing is with the
01:15:23
chem I'm on thankfully I haven't lost my my hair but the Bold thing is a regular
01:15:29
occurrence just cuz a lot of the chemos kill your fast growing hair celles but then when I was in when I'm in there I
01:15:38
look around and go oh some people are smiling they they're like I'm like I
01:15:42
wouldn't have guessed I wouldn't have guessed 90 sure there are a lot of
01:15:46
people who are in that frail because they're just getting hammered by this appalling disease
01:15:55
but there's a lot of people out there who might have incurable cancer that you don't
01:16:01
know because they're like me where they're going through tough [ __ ] but they're lucky enough to sort of
01:16:11
look normal so you don't know what people are going through and incurable cancer
01:16:21
is always there for people who have it but you don't have to always talk about
01:16:26
cancer with people who have it just hit them up man if if you if you know someone and
01:16:35
go do you want to talk about it or should we just forget about it today yeah if you go out for a game of golf
01:16:41
you mentioned um Bryce Casey before one of your golfing Partners um yeah it's a
01:16:46
long time on the golf course do you do do do your friends actively avoid talking about it in those environments
01:16:53
um no the good thing is I've sort of got a WhatsApp thread with a crew of people that that's where
01:17:02
I it's called Little D with a big c that's where I'll check out how I'm
01:17:08
feeling [ __ ] today I need my tires pumped up I'm going so that's where I
01:17:12
sort of have a lot of the cancer related chat and then when we're out there no often I'm just with mates or
01:17:22
Comics who just want to talk some rubbish and that that's what I love yeah um what does hope mean to you now and
01:17:31
has the definition changed hope hope Falls in there with when you've got a breath there is
01:17:42
still hope that's how I I feel and I say to myself it's an old saying who I
01:17:48
forget the the name of the woman who first said it that is I sort of say to myself every day and every way I'm
01:17:54
getting better and that's my little hope Mantra and yeah I got hope and hope is
01:18:04
everything I've got hope for the world you know I've got Hope For Humanity I've
01:18:09
got hope for the climate nothing's hopeless so hope is huge and hope is important and you don't rely on Hope but
01:18:23
why not there's no harm in it yeah I saw a therapist a few years ago and I had this tendency to almost like
01:18:31
cont um catastrophize things or look for the worst case scenario and she was like
01:18:35
it's only fair if you look for the worst case scenario that you have to also like
01:18:39
entertain the best case scenario as well mate that's exactly what I do I cuz humans I think go negative right but
01:18:50
that's cuz you know [ __ ] someone's going to what's the worst they could well like
01:18:54
a lion attack us you know so we got to set up we're setting up camp right what's going to what's going to [ __ ] us
01:19:00
up but I'm the same I'm like hey I've been thinking about all the worst case
01:19:06
[ __ ] what if this all works out you know and sometimes it's weird you know when
01:19:12
you actually flip that script a bit and do think about the best case now you do swell a bit in terms of like positivity
01:19:20
and you do feel a bit better absolutely and you start to think it's possible
01:19:27
it's possible that this could happen yeah the um the the documentary is this
01:19:32
the body of work that you're most proud of yes 100% 100% but I as I mentioned at
01:19:38
the beginning I let it all hang out the the people I trusted with my story told it exactly how i' want it to
01:19:46
be told and yeah I couldn't ask I couldn't ask for anything more it's definitely my
01:19:52
most proud moment uh in terms of things I've I've put on the screen or stage
01:19:59
it's incredible I um yeah I mean it's not an easy I the thing I love about
01:20:03
where we are with um TV and media now is it lingers around yeah um so people can
01:20:08
go on 3 plus and watch it whenever they whenever they want so I feel like it's
01:20:11
going to be I don't know what TV ratings are these days but I feel like this is
01:20:14
going to be one of these um things that gets consumed you know for years to come
01:20:18
my um end game for this is I want to we we're looking at cutting it down to sort
01:20:27
of a festival documentary size putting the three three of them into more one sort of hour and a half thing because I
01:20:36
I think I don't think you need a frame of reference for me as a person to get
01:20:41
something out of this so I'd like to to sort of get it out to a wider audience
01:20:47
as well and leave the bit in there where you talk about [ __ ] the plug hole maybe there little a little teaser for
01:20:56
anyone who hasn't seen it watch that oh God honestly ws and all The Good the Bad
01:21:02
and the Ugly hey um yeah uh can you remember what your last words were in the documentary the very final words
01:21:08
it's a real poyant quote I think so this in a way I think if it's what you
01:21:15
you you're referencing this is the most poignant thing I've ever said and it
01:21:19
just popped into my head and it is um when the fear of death is gone all it remains is the joy of living yeah and I
01:21:30
think that that is so true and people see at the end of this I did a Tadashi ceremony which is a a Japanese departure
01:21:40
or death ceremony and that took away my fear of death and I think everyone needs to face death
01:21:50
in the Western World we don't um we're scared of it we hide from it it's going to happen to all of us so
01:22:00
it also is a great way of crystallizing how awesome today is and that thing of realizing that we're all going to die
01:22:09
with a to-do list so don't freak out too much about all the minutti [ __ ] you've
01:22:14
got to do just enjoy the day and I think when the fear of death has gone all it remains is the joy of living and if
01:22:23
people were to take away anything from the doco I'd want you to take away that what a place to end it thanks very
01:22:32
much D mate thanks so much I'm so proud of you oh mate I'm so proud of you like
01:22:37
I I mate I had tears streaming down my face watching it had real weird moments too like just um seeing the dynamic of
01:22:43
the relationship with your mom for example um yeah the Japanese death ceremony moments my wife said said this
01:22:52
to me at the end of the death ceremony I had a hug with the Monk and my wife goes [ __ ] that looked
01:22:59
like a really good hug and it was an amazing hug for anyone watching it look at the hug I have with this monk it's a
01:23:07
cracker of a hug yeah after he was kind of mean to you as well um you have to write down the names of three people
01:23:14
dear to you so you've got your two kids and your wife and you're like oh can I
01:23:17
throw on my mom as well like a fourth and he's like no no cuz that was the hardest I was saying I've got a small
01:23:21
unit that's my unit right so I was like yeah sorry M hey you're an absolute Legend mate and
01:23:29
um whatever the future may bring for for you I I just wish you all the best I love you mate hope to be on here in
01:23:37
years to come going this is how you get rid of cancer