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I turned to alcohol. I turned to drugs. I turned to anything, you know, just to kind of numb that because I was hurting,
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you know, like I loved my family and I was going out and I was I was hitting people. I was looking for fights. I
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wanted to be this this big time macho. I wanted to prove that I was strong, that
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I was better than that. I remember the first time like not long after I had made the Black Boons and the Potato
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Rugby Club asked me to come back and be the guest speaker for their prize giving
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and I was like, "Oh man, I don't know about that." that like you know I've
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done some bad and I was like so I said yes cuz like you know they're they're good people and how I started my
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speech was by apologizing. I was just like you know what before I start saying anything about my rugby career and what
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I've done I just want to apologize. is I want to apologize to everybody in this
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room that I've done wrong