00:00:00
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:07
are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Hey, bad friends. Welcome back to our
00:00:13
300th episode. Woo! We're so excited to be here. We're in so excited. Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah. Ph. We're o e n iix. Phoenix,
00:00:26
Arizona. This will probably be the last episode that we do. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just getting warmed up, guy.
00:00:32
Yeah, dude. You are. You're warm. And our guest today, go ahead and introduce our guest because Well, he's one of my favorites, man. Yeah.
00:00:37
Um Yeah, man. Shane Gillis, dude. Shane. Top talk top dog. Top top top dog. Top dog.
00:00:44
Yeah. Um buddies, you know, and we're, you know, let's start it off the right way.
00:00:50
What do you want to say anything to Shane after, you know, about 50 episodes ago or something? You just dissed Shane
00:00:56
pretty hard. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. That's insane. You I saw it was really hurtful. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, what did I say? Do
00:01:01
you remember? Said I would looked like I was a corpse underwater. The bog water. Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know, you're not you weren't you weren't wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I know.
00:01:13
And I hurt you. And and you know, my bad, dude. That's okay. And it's like, you know, I to me I look
00:01:20
like I'm right next to you at the b. Don't do that. Look, I did that with my mind, dude. That's pretty good. You know what I mean? You want Asian
00:01:26
magic? That's Asian magic, dude. Telepathy. She's knocking stuff over. Move over. Oh,
00:01:32
hey. Hey, Bob Dylan's here, guys. Get in here, Bob Dylan. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Hang tight.
00:01:38
All right. Oh, thanks, man. Hey, how you doing? Got a show tonight. Is that a cautious wife?
00:01:44
Hey, take it easy on that. Sorry. Been consuming a lot of that content. Are you liking all that stuff? Oh my god, I'm jerking off. I got no back here. You got no back, bud?
00:01:56
Yeah. Damn. You want backing? I got it. All right. What's up, buddy? Oh, I'm hung over. We uh we did it up last night. Yeah. Yeah. What happened down in Tucson? We did a show in Tucson. Yeah.
00:02:07
Yeah. What happened? I heard you got I hear you calling out the driver. Huh? Oh, he was dropping bombs.
00:02:13
[ __ ] his pants. Farting up a storm. So like New Jersey in there. Yeah, it was rough. Then we're getting
00:02:18
out of the car and he goes, "See you later, Robert, with your nasty rotten ass."
00:02:23
Jesus Christ. He was a bad driver, too. He was a terrible joke. I just want to go back a little bit back to your apology to Shane because I do
00:02:30
want to make it public on the show. Okay. Why are you trying to hurt my feelings, man? Okay. Can I I'll be honest with you.
00:02:36
Okay. Uh you want to get real? I don't know. I don't Hey, Honcho. You want to get real, amigo?
00:02:42
No. Yeah, I'll get real. Dis when he goes Spanish, he means that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Los
00:02:48
Pontalone is my amigo. Yeah. Okay. That's where I just ate. Yeah. Yeah. I admire you. Shut the [ __ ] up.
00:03:00
That's worse. No, that's way. Keep talking [ __ ] I'd rather you I'd rather be mean.
00:03:06
Give me a shot, amigo. All right. All right. All right. All right. So, let's be real for a second. Okay.
00:03:12
And don't interrupt. Don't interrupt me, dude, because that's rude. If you keep talking like that, I'm going to call Ice.
00:03:17
All right. I'm not that type. They take Asians. Yeah. Oh, they do? Oh, yeah. They take Asians out. take a please don't call then. Okay. All right. So, um
00:03:28
I love you so you've been so nice to me and I think we're we're friends and I um you know you look at me in the eyes
00:03:36
fool. All right. All right. You can't find them. Yeah. All right. That was a good one. 1980 [ __ ] I love it. That's my whole act.
00:03:47
Yeah. Yeah. I love you too, bud. All right. Get back to him. All right. All right. And um when I said
00:03:55
it, I felt bad. Uh when you texted me, it was a threat. Yeah, we're done or whatever. You're you're mean. I felt bad about it, dude. I thought about it and I'm like, I
00:04:06
shouldn't attack you in that way and I I really admire you and I hope you forgive me. I totally forgive you.
00:04:12
Okay. All right. I forgive you. We go with that now. I didn't need you to do that. I thought that was wild that you did that. I just kind of want to set you up to do that.
00:04:17
That was really cool to do that. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love How about though when I do say something? What
00:04:23
about when I say something about Shane and I go like when I said, "Oh yeah, and Shane's playing Lincoln Financial the football the football stadium." And then
00:04:30
what do you say? That's great. No. No. I know you [ __ ] said something nasty. He go I don't want to hear about Shane's
00:04:36
not the king. He's not the king. That's what he says. I cannot say that. That's [ __ ]
00:04:42
outrageous. We have a whole room of people that absolutely outrageous. Is that true? Is that true that he says
00:04:47
that stuff? It is true. It is true. Thank you. Oh, what the [ __ ] man? So, who is the king?
00:04:53
I don't honestly did I have a slap. You know what I mean? This I said that you did. All right.
00:04:58
All right. My bad. Because here's what here. Can I tell you why? Yeah. All right. Because he he's like you cuz I didn't want you. You feel bad. I feel
00:05:11
like when you say it. What? I feel bad. Yeah. Cuz you're doing yuck yucks in these smaller places.
00:05:18
You're doing these like, you know, wise guys, you know what I mean? This is a great club. You know what I mean? You weren't you just at that club last
00:05:24
week? I played in two weeks. Yeah. So, what are you talking about? Yeah. But, you know what I mean? Don't step on me. I say it as a celebration of our of the people and I
00:05:30
celebrate as well. No, you don't like it because you're 54. You're old and you think that's weird
00:05:35
that he's young and great and you're old and it's over. He's one of the best comments on planet. I've never [ __ ] did. You say that cuz he's here but not when
00:05:41
he's not here. Where are you? Woo! Slam. What the [ __ ] are you doing, guy? By the way, we're good. Kevin Hart did
00:05:47
the the field did the Eagles and he only did 53K. I think you're going to go for the 70.
00:05:53
I'm Yeah, I'm gonna do the middle. The middle. You need a stage. I'm going to do the round. Oh, yeah.
00:05:58
So, you can fit more people. I just I think doing a stage in a giant place really sucks.
00:06:04
Yeah. Yeah. Like there the whole time I'm up there, I just see someone in the balcony in the back. You're like, "Oh, that must be the
00:06:11
worst show." Yeah, sure. possible. You got to go around. I mean, a football stadium is not going to be the best [ __ ] comedy anyway, but
00:06:16
but it's a milestone. It's going to be great. What's that for you? Huh? What's that for you? What do you mean what's that?
00:06:22
What is that for you? Like that. What would that be for you? I'm confused. Like Philly doing the football stadium in Philly. Oh jeez. I guess the Superdome.
00:06:32
Yeah, that's our big spot, you know, New Orleans. But would that be what you'd want to do or no? No. You know, we got the Sanger Theater,
00:06:40
which is like our Carnegie Hall, so that would be cool. Yeah. Well, I was a little rude today at the airport. That's all. Couple instances.
00:06:47
You know, we're going back to that now. You know what happened? You know how we segue back into like the thing, you know? Well, you know, I haven't slept in a
00:06:53
couple days. Oh, yeah. I was in Vegas. Oh, [ __ ] You relapse? No. I went to Hustler Tuesday night. Oh, [ __ ] Yeah. How much you spend?
00:07:04
2700. That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. What' you get for 2,700? Nothing. Handy? No handy. Nothing. Come on. Yeah. Well, the thing is is that I was wearing these pants that you don't like. I don't like them.
00:07:14
Yeah. Yeah. And she was doing, you know, how she had a bony ass and she was I was very erect
00:07:20
and she was doing one of those things. It's good. Excuse me. It's good. You no pill. Whoa. Yeah. El natural. Well done. taking a blue Jew to go to a stripe,
00:07:36
but she was, you know, with her bony ass, right? I was getting rub rug burns on my pee pee.
00:07:41
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so, and then at the end, she squeezed it. I don't know why she did that at the end. She was looking for it.
00:07:49
Good. It's It's bigger than you think. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Right. Yeah. Bigger than people think, for
00:07:55
sure. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything, but Yeah. Bigger than You know what? I'm almost at a point
00:08:00
right now, dude, that if she leaves, I'll pull it out. Who? Oh [ __ ] Get out of here, Beck. Yeah. Yeah. Jules. She's like my
00:08:08
daughter. So, anyway. Oh. Anyway, can we talk about to I don't for [ __ ] it. I'm not talking about it now.
00:08:13
Talk about it. Too much time now. Talk about it. Wasn't even that great. You talking about the DC bomber?
00:08:19
It's so good. What are you talking about? I have no idea. Don't bring up some more drama, emotional [ __ ] No, I I was just rude today. That's all.
00:08:26
What did you do? Well, so um I was in line and it wasn't moving. You know how that happens.
00:08:32
Not moving at all. Yeah. And I don't have TSA pre-check. Yeah. Which is what I'm insane.
00:08:38
I'm with you. I don't either. I don't have it clear. I did clear. Clear is useless now.
00:08:44
It wasn't moving. It wasn't moving. Then I hear some Indian dude. Oh, this [ __ ]
00:08:49
This [ __ ] Right. Go ahead. What did he sound like? He He had a regular American accent. Oh, okay. Good. Then why was he an
00:08:55
Indian guy? I can smell them. Don't point at me. I'm not with you on that. Come on. That's appalling. Anyway, it's a joke. I can smell. But anyway, um so um I can hear him like 20
00:09:08
people back. Yeah. Going up to people going, "Hey, I'm late for my flight. Can I go ahead of you?"
00:09:14
You know, and people are like, "Yeah, go ahead." Right. I couldn't wait for mine. Really? You hit him with no
00:09:20
Oh, yeah. Damn. Because I was late. Yeah. Yeah. I was late. They were boarding while I was still in line, right? So, he
00:09:27
comes up to me and he goes, "Hey." I go, "No." Dang. No. You You didn't even let him get it out. I didn't let him get it out. I couldn't
00:09:33
wait. I waited 20 minutes to get it out. Did you just stand behind you? You know what? It was like in the gun. You know what I mean? So, it came out weird.
00:09:41
No. Like that. Wow. What did he do? He goes, "Okay, sir." And then I kind of turned around. I felt
00:09:47
guilty. So, I kind of like, you know, my plane's boarding, too. So, we're all kind of late. You know, because it's, you know, I had to explain it. Yeah.
00:09:53
Yeah. So then here's the second rude thing I did, dude. Mhm. Right. I'm on the aisle seat.
00:10:00
You know what I mean? First class. I just wink at me. I don't know. Don't do that. Yeah. You're on the aisle seat.
00:10:05
It was turbulence. Uh-huh. Right. Flight attendant did one of these. Whoa. Oh [ __ ] Fell down to the ground. Right. And I didn't even move.
00:10:16
Dude, I did a look. I went, "Damn, you've changed." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's because when I'm
00:10:22
tired, I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm doing. You look tired. But you always do.
00:10:28
Another 80s Asian thing, huh? I love it. I'm trying to bring it back. It's vintage. This might be Yeah. I think all four of
00:10:33
us are very tired. I'm wiped. This is a tired exhausted. I'm exhausted. Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:39
But it's a good thing. This is going to make for a good show tonight. Four tired live openers. Everyone's just going
00:10:46
exhausted. Are you going to whip it out tonight? I'm whip out. I can't follow that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't whip it out. I have
00:10:51
Dude, first can I say something right now? After we got fined, he stopped doing that. First of all, I've never whipped No. Yeah, I'll get fined a million dollars.
00:10:58
What? I've never whipped my penis out on stage ever. That's not true. That's your My butthole.
00:11:03
Butthole. But hole is hole. Butthole. You know what I mean? But not my Not Toki the Dum Dum.
00:11:09
That thing stays. That thing stays. No, we got fined in Vegas. That's my penis name. No, Vegas. Where were we?
00:11:14
Yeah. Toki the dum dum. Yeah, we got it find in Atlanta. Yeah, he showed his butt in high school. I used to call it that. Anyway. Anyway.
00:11:20
How do you show a butthole? Do you go all fours? Like he does it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does it too. But
00:11:27
I do it away. [ __ ] hack. Stole that from me, dude. That's Bobby's bit. Yeah. Yeah. That's my closer, dude. Anyway, um is that a phone you got going there?
00:11:38
It was an audience member's phone. They were like, "Can I have a picture with you?" And I took a took his phone. Took a picture of my butthole. Give it back
00:11:43
to him. Have you seen this butthole? No. It's so nice. Is it red like your hair? It's pink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pink. It's very
00:11:49
pink. Pink. Red. I love it. Cuz a lot of buttholes are brown. That's right. Guilty.
00:11:55
Is yours brown? Oh my god. Like like that Indian guy you turned up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how have you seen it? Oh yeah. How? Check it out. Check it out in the mirror
00:12:06
before you shower. You got to see what's going on. Yeah. You got to take a look. Take a look. You ever stood over a mirror? That'll
00:12:11
wake you up. Holy [ __ ] Really? It's like the seventh circle of hell. It's like the valley of death down
00:12:19
there. You lay it You lay it down on the ground. Lay it down. You squat right over it. Woo. You learn who you are.
00:12:25
Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. When do you do that? Ah, usually around Christmas. Yeah. A lot of hair. What's What's going
00:12:31
on down there? A lot of ball bag, a lot of bee hole, a lot of toilet paper. Yeah. Do you shave your [ __ ] I shave.
00:12:37
No. You shave, Shane? What do you mean? Like I'll just show you my pubes. No. I mean, just look. Okay. Like they're trim. They're trimmed. Jeez, what? He got a C-section scar. He
00:12:49
got the belly of a lady with three kids. I told him he had like a fa. He's got like a little baby fa.
00:12:54
It's kind of cute. Lord. All right. It's a cute little food. Trying to lose weight, but all right. You're trimming. You're trimming. You're
00:12:59
not shaving. You're trimming. I trim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the first thing that Shane said to you was that you look skinny. That
00:13:04
was really nice. That was really nice. Thank you. You're trim Jun. That's good, dude. Sleep all in hell. Yeah. We're tired. We're gay. Yeah. Yeah. When you check,
00:13:16
what's the time? What's the how how long until when you walk into the hotel room until you till you jerk off?
00:13:21
Immediately. Pretty immediate. I get the the towel down. Go right at it. Put the towel down.
00:13:26
I want to look at it. Yeah. I say contrast. See the spray. You get spray. Yes. Yeah. I got Okay.
00:13:33
What do you really think the time is? I think mine was like maybe 15 minutes. Yeah. Sure. 1520.
00:13:39
The bag. You put it in the corner and then you change the temperature a little bit. Yeah. Plug the phone in. put my adopt kit in
00:13:45
the bathroom. Yep, I do that. So, there is a step by step and then finally you look at the bed and you go,
00:13:51
"Okay, now let me ask you this one. You guys ever just shoot it on the carpet?" No, but somebody else told me they did
00:13:56
this and it bothered the [ __ ] out of me. Crazy. You do that? Me neither. No, it's freeing. You feel like an
00:14:02
American. No, but as you get older, you know what comes out? Just a visine drop.
00:14:07
Oh, yeah. If you can hear it, this is what it sounds like. And that's it. And there's probably two sperms in there. Half one of them is probably dead. You know what I mean? But it's like, you
00:14:19
know, when you get old, you know what I mean? That's what happened. Your sperm comes out with its hands behind his back like an old Asian man.
00:14:24
Yeah. Yeah. Slowly solders out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what it does, dude. Slurping noodles. Because you probably have marshmallow shots, right? Yeah, for sure.
00:14:35
What do you mean? No, I'm curious as to what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. But do you have a thick load? Like is it the con? What?
00:14:42
All right. All right. All right. All right. What? Too much. Yeah. Too deep. Yeah. My bad. Keep it up. Keep it up top.
00:14:47
Yeah. Yeah. Keep it up top. Keep it up top. I mean, he's the one that brought up the [ __ ] Yeah, but he did it very elegantly. I
00:14:53
had a little class. Oh, mine was too like vivid. Oh, my bad. Okay. No, now we got to we got to squash a beef. You and I. Yeah. Let's go. Let You're going mad viral with these uh
00:15:06
impressions. I'm trying to steal your act, dude. I'm stealing his I'm stealing your act, dude.
00:15:11
Yeah, good impression. It's very good. Are you offended by it? No, but Nick Mullen and you should have
00:15:17
a a me off. Well, Mullen is good at it. Oh my god, he's killer. Let me see if I can do I'll just copy
00:15:24
what you say. Let's see. All right. I want to hear I actually want to hear Mull pull it up. It's pretty I don't know if it's document. It's really good.
00:15:30
Okay. Yeah, you do. Norman. Well, I I do you do it for I'll do the third. I have to keep hearing him and then I
00:15:36
can do it. Yay. Hey, hey, hey. I'm gay. Hey, I'm gay. This is pretty close. This is pretty close. That's the one though. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. When you go when you when you go I'm gay. And look away.
00:15:48
He's got He as I actually asked him to do it at the bar just now. I was like, "Do Norman." Oh, wow. That's very good.
00:15:54
Yeah. You got it. It does. I I I imagine it would bother you. No, I don't care. You know what's so funny is that when I
00:16:00
first started doing it, it's only because I can't do I can't do like celebrity. I can't do like when someone's like they do an impression of
00:16:05
this famous person. I can do people I'm friends with if I can. If I hear it and I go, I think I can reach that in my
00:16:11
voice, right? And yours is me just going here. I just tuck it back. Pretty good.
00:16:17
Yeah. Bobby's impressions are unmatched. Unmatched. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you do? Oh my god, dude. Do the Do the gangster. What? Do your gangster.
00:16:28
What's up, fool? Yeah. Oh, really good. Good. Damn. What's up, homie? And then do your British guy.
00:16:34
Hello. So good. Honestly, that was My name is Benjamin. Pretty good. Yeah. Eight years on a sketch show. National TV. In your face, dude.
00:16:44
Damn. Yeah. Yeah. Not like it, but you know. What's so funny? It was on TV. No, Matt TV ruled. Oh, yeah. Spears. It was pretty good.
00:16:56
Yeah. Why don't See, that's what you do. No, it was that's what you do. Well, if SNL If SNL is Coca-Cola, Matt
00:17:02
TV was Pepsi. It was good. It was It was fine. If someone's like, "You want to watch SNL?" And they're like, "Is Matt TV okay?"
00:17:07
It's actually Crystal Pepsi because it's gone. Matt TV was very good. Did you feel like you were you did you feel like you were in second position?
00:17:18
Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's called ratings. No, but I mean like didn't you feel Didn't you feel like there were weeks
00:17:23
where you you were like, "Oh, this is we're we're a much better show." Well, I I mean I knew we weren't because it's like when Mad TV ended, we ended
00:17:30
when Amy Polar retired from SNL, right? M and immediately she's on TV shows and and then I remember um waiting in line
00:17:38
on these auditions and I remember running into like Ike and Jordan all these guys and like just back in line.
00:17:45
Look at all the people from that show that are killing though. Baron Holtz huge Keegan and Jordan Peele.
00:17:50
Yeah. I mean he was on that. Yeah, dude. I didn't know that. They exploded. Yeah.
00:17:57
Isn't that crazy? And the Kenny Rogers guy. What's his name? Will Sassil there's so many funny people that came from that show and they just blew up. Michael McDonald. No, no, but they like blew up.
00:18:08
Huge celebrities. Yeah, they became We were 18th on the variety thing. Yeah, but I'm saying like those other people Yeah. Yeah. That's You know what? That's a big deal. Domino. Domino's Pizza. DM Domino's
00:18:21
Pizza. It's my favorite. Remember Do you remember when we were in high school in high school and you'd be sitting around, you'd be like, "Is
00:18:27
someone going to get a Domino's?" You're like, "Who's going to get the Domino's?" Yeah, I'll get the Dominoes. I used to steal money from my dad to get Dominoes.
00:18:32
You did? Yeah. Because, you know, I mean, we couldn't He wouldn't get it, so I would get it. Where did your dad hide money?
00:18:38
What? Where did he hide his money? His shoes. Money shoes. Yeah. Yeah. And I would grab that shoe
00:18:43
money, right? And I would buy Domino's. Call Domino's up. And it's perfect. It's perfect. Whether you're by yourself, which I do,
00:18:49
or you're with a group of friends, which Bobby loves. Yeah. It's always good to order. It's community food.
00:18:54
It's community food, but it could be you food. It's all right. Yeah. Yeah, I've eaten a whole pie. I mean, I've eaten I think I could eat two.
00:19:01
You could eat it anywhere. Like you're in a corporate environment, you know, with the CEO. Let's get some bananas. But then you're a Burning Man with some
00:19:07
hippies. That's right. Right. You share it there. Right. Or you're just in the park, dude. It's great. And they've stepped up
00:19:12
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that kind of oh the story of my life. What are you kidding? [ __ ] that I go oh my god dude.
00:21:51
It's like my Budapest story with the Jam Lee Curtis. Oh yeah. Do you guys know the story? No. What happened?
00:21:57
Oh my god. That's long. I don't want to just give the bridge version. So, I'm doing this movie with Jamie Lee Curtis.
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We're in Budapest and she goes, "Meet me tomorrow. I'm going to give you I'm going to show you something, some education."
00:22:08
So, we show up and there's a bunch of actors there. I don't know anybody. And this is like second day there. I don't know anybody. And I also you
00:22:14
you're self-conscious because you're like, they can see through me. I'm not talented. You know what I mean? You know
00:22:20
what I mean? Right. These are all But these are real actors. You know what I mean? I don't know how I got this. You know what I mean?
00:22:26
I agree. So, we were by this we lived by this river and um Jamie and there was these bronze shoes along the river, right? And there was like this theatrical like
00:22:37
um Broadway star Cheyenne Jackson. He's like this gay guy and he's like super talented. He can sing, dance, all that
00:22:44
stuff, right? Yeah, he's gay. You said that. And and Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then um Jamie goes
00:22:50
um but during the um 1940s Nazis occupation of Hungary they lined up all these Jews and they shot them on the river and they pushed them into the river right and that's why we have these
00:23:01
bronze right you know I mean shoes on the river banks right and then Cheyenne Jackson goes he starts crying
00:23:08
and he goes oh my god a little kid was shot here cuz look at these baby shoes and I don't know what came over me I go it could have been a Mitch
00:23:20
and they all walked away from me, right? And I sat there staring at these shoes going, I think I'm [ __ ] done. I think they're going to fire me. That's the end of the business. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why Borderlands did bad.
00:23:31
You think so? That's why that movie tanked. It ruined the entire vibe of the film. But, you know, as a comic, were there
00:23:38
comics there? If you guys were there, you would have been They're fine, but Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, you know, actors are just so
00:23:43
sensitive. They're the worst. They You hate hanging out with them. They suck. They're not fun.
00:23:48
How long did you Did you try to get on anything? I've I've auditioned for 9,000 things. I've never gotten one.
00:23:54
Wow. Not one. Really? Gone in the room, done the self tape. I've gotten teachers and coaches.
00:24:01
Disgusting. It's the eye contact. And maybe it's the eye contact. I said the shade of the bar.
00:24:06
Hey, don't do that. I was like, you nor Norman can't hold it. It's like a dog. You got to look away. I stared at you long enough.
00:24:13
Can't do it. So, like, take off your glasses. Look at me for a second. Come on. Yeah. Do it. Let's do a little acting scene here.
00:24:18
Let's see it. Yeah. Yeah. Come on and try. Yeah. All right. Look at Andrew. He can't do it.
00:24:24
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't do it. It's too intense. So, you you've never you've never been in on anything? Not a thing. Oh,
00:24:31
I was You've done yourself on Late Night and stuff like that. I've done Yeah, I've done standup. But as an actor, you've never been in
00:24:36
anything. Zilch. I was in Horus and Pete. Oh, that was great. Which Louis saw me do a set. He was
00:24:42
like, "You're weird. You want to do with this show?" And I was like, "Okay." And it was awesome. But if you watch it, I am clearly the worst thing
00:24:49
in it. The uh auditions are impossible. Impossible. The worst. I I tried I did like three ever
00:24:55
and they were just I I auditioned for Joker 2 and filmed it. Okconor just filmed me on
00:25:02
his phone in my kitchen in Queens and I was like fake smoking a cigarette. I was like
00:25:08
what are these doing? Like my line was just a racist line. Ah, you're better off not get that movie sucked anyway. And then uh I didn't know you had to memorize the lines. I was going to
00:25:20
auditions and just read it. I just read the [ __ ] script. It's a lot of work. People do though. That's the thing. There's certain like
00:25:26
actors that can just get away with they'll bring the sides and if they're if their like attitude is is matches
00:25:32
their talent, they don't give a [ __ ] if they read off the lines. That always I memorized everything I ever went out
00:25:38
for. Like everything all the thousands of things I never got. I would sit up all night and memorize it. Then I would
00:25:43
see like cool guy walk in with the sides and they'd come out smiling be like, "Thanks a lot, Tim." And they love that
00:25:48
guy. Well, I thought I could do that. I could not. I was nervous. Armpits are sweating. I'm like, "Yeah, mom's spaghetti." Like John Cho would be like, you know what I mean? We'd be on set about the
00:26:00
film and he's like reading it. I What are you doing? He's like, "I'm memorizing it now." Whoa. He goes, "When did you memorize yours?"
00:26:06
3 weeks ago. Yeah. Every day. 24 hours a day. Just laying in bed saying it. Like I was on the flight back to Chicago and who'd I sit next to? Who?
00:26:16
You remember I called you and he goes, "Hey man, say hi to your Bobby buddy Bobby Lee for me." And I said, "Oh yeah,
00:26:22
for sure." And he goes, "Tell him I'm sorry." And I He was super genuine and I was like, "Sorry." I mean, I'm going to
00:26:28
All right, I'll tell him you said what's up. Then I called you immediately. And I said, "Why is he saying sorry? We don't have
00:26:34
to say his name." So it was my first acting job, right? And I didn't know what a jib was. I didn't know anything about the
00:26:39
terminology, of course. Right. And there was this thing where the camera goes into my face and I kind of would move my head back because I got
00:26:46
scared and then I have to say a line and I just couldn't do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was just like too much
00:26:52
for me. You know what I mean? And the line was complicated or whatever. But you know, they cut the line, whatever.
00:26:58
It's not necessary. And at the end of the day, I walked up to him and I go, "Um, hey Mr. Will, thank you for the
00:27:04
job." You know what I mean? And he had a cigar and he ashed it in my face. No way. Get out of here.
00:27:10
Yeah. Yeah. And I went and I walked away. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And it turned away crying. Dude, I
00:27:15
used to have directors go, "Get on your mark." No way. Yeah. In the '9s. Yeah. Hey, get on your Yeah. The good old days, man. We
00:27:26
We could have relived. Yeah. But it's like, you know, I mean, back in the day, they were [ __ ] mean.
00:27:32
Wa. And these traumatic experiences, but the ter, you're right about the terminology that I have no idea. I don't
00:27:38
act. And then I I did a movie and the guy he's yelling to find the lens. He's like, "Look at the [ __ ] lens. Find
00:27:44
the lens." Yeah. Yeah. I'm staring directly into the Oh, yeah. For the first three days, anytime I was
00:27:49
talking, I'm looking directly down the barrel of the lens. And then there's so many scenes that are ruined. And then on
00:27:55
the fourth day, he says again, "Find the lens." And I'm like, "You you don't mean like look into the camera." And he was like, "No." All
00:28:02
right. Like started a scene. And I was just like, "We're not going to be able to use anything." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because we don't we I
00:28:09
didn't take a class, right? One day they're just like, "Do you want to be in this?" I was like, "That's crazy. You never do it." And you show up
00:28:15
and you're like, "I can't do it." Yeah. That's scary. I was in Train Wreck and Apppattows. So he's like one of
00:28:22
these riff guys like, "Change it, make it your own, do it again." So you have to like think of stuff on the fly. And
00:28:27
he walked over to me and he's like, "You're supposed to be funny. Like I'm asking you to be funny." And I was like, "Oh." Uhhuh. And I was trying to be
00:28:34
funny. Yeah. Yeah. And uh then I got cut. Hey, I was trying to be Hey, I was trying to be. No, you know, it it is it's pain it's it's also painful when it's someone that
00:28:44
like uh I got one little tiny line in a Christopher guest show, you know, that's
00:28:50
Yeah. And he's phenomenal. I love everything he's done. But the audition was incredible and I did great and I
00:28:55
thought this is awesome because we just improded in the audition, me and him. And then on the day I'm supposed to die.
00:29:00
I'm a Confederate soldier that gets shot. And I we did the scene and he was like, "Is
00:29:07
that how you would die?" And I was like, "Fuck, I have no idea. I don't know how to die."
00:29:13
And I kept thinking about like how to die. And then I got more and more nervous. Brer did that with me and he's standing next to me. And then Matt was
00:29:18
like, "What are you going to do now?" I was like, "I don't [ __ ] know." So then every time it came up, I got so
00:29:24
nervous. I got so freaked out that but the end the what ended up happening is he was
00:29:29
like you're supposed to be a man who thinks he's a Confederate soldier. Would you over dramatize it a little bit? I was like, maybe
00:29:41
tell me what to do. Stop, dude. He leaves you little breadcr then then at one take I thought it'd be funny to just be like obnoxious. So I get shot and I go
00:29:56
and that's the one they used. Great. Yeah, that was all I got cuz I at that point I was like, well, I did everything
00:30:02
I thought I should have done. Obviously, he doesn't care anymore. Maybe he's going to cut away from me
00:30:07
anyway. So, I did it. And that's on the show. I slowly fall going. And And I was like, why would he? But that's why he did it to be like, do something else, be funny.
00:30:18
But it's it's but it's hard to because it's either they're being they're being like really harsh or they're like, I'm trying
00:30:25
to trick your brain into doing something else. M not well the worst is uh trying to [ __ ] improv
00:30:32
and they're just like cut like McKver when we're doing tires a lot of it we're [ __ ] around and just trying to find something funny and like you're like I think I got to you just hear someone just cut middle of a joke
00:30:44
you're like damn but you don't get nervous on tires it's your show so you must feel comfortable
00:30:49
and you're you on the show bas that's where you want to get to be yourself that's the dream is anybody Not them on the show. I'm trying to think. No,
00:31:01
but like Ka Kayla's Kyla's Kyler. Yeah, but she But that's still a play out of like a
00:31:06
a little a little really. Yeah, she's never acted or done comedy or anything. We were just
00:31:12
I thought she she I thought she acted. No, we just like you're be yourself as you can. So nobody there's nobody. No one. Stop a little. He's like a mean guy. Yeah.
00:31:23
He acts like he likes mom Donnie. He's been doing that game for Well, he wants that free grocery store. We got a guy in our crew that uh you
00:31:34
have to do us one little favor at some point is let um Carlos is a big is a massive fan and take off your hat so he
00:31:40
can see. You think that guy couldn't work in a mechanic shop? Holy hell, that scared the [ __ ] out of me. We think you need to put him just
00:31:46
walking through the background of tires at the shop because he's a mechan. I mean, that's a born mechanic right
00:31:51
there, brother. Um, I'm I'm balding and I keep saying I'm going to be man enough to not
00:31:58
fix it. Damn. Damn, dude. That's [ __ ] wild. I I respect it. Yeah. You know how you know how women have that thing about like the hat guy the hat game guys that are like what are
00:32:12
they without the hat? Put the hat back on. Yeah. Look at how [ __ ] handsome this man is with a hat. It's unbelievable. Yeah. I
00:32:19
mean, that is the greatest chameleon I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. You look like movie director without the hat. Your your bus station.
00:32:27
Yeah. Child porn director. Yeah. And I I know, Shane, that you offered me a roll in tires.
00:32:33
Yeah. And I didn't do it because I just at the time I didn't want to do an Asian accent, but I'm doing Asian accents
00:32:40
again. So, if you want, you know what I mean? Hey, let me do his Asian accent. I do it
00:32:45
on this thing all the time. Yeah. I mean, if there was ever a part in there, you know what I mean? I do for free. No, don't give him anything.
00:32:50
I think your character was going to have a American accent. Boo. It was going to be You were going to be the interpreter for uh an Asian tire
00:32:57
company. That's not what my agent said. My agent said that you're doing you have a thick Asian accent. We It's fluid.
00:33:04
We'll finish the script day of This guy's got such a good team. They're always keeping him a breast on
00:33:09
everything. They're the worst. They're the worst. He's a business manager that's 105. I'm not I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. in
00:33:14
high school. Dude, he is he I'll call that guy sometimes and I'm like, "Hey, we need to put money in the account so we can for our tour." And he's like, "We'll get around to it."
00:33:26
I'm like, "No, we need it like now." He also does Stevie Wonder's manager and stuff like, you know what I mean? He does other people.
00:33:32
He does not do Stevie Wonder. His manager, not Stevie Wonder. Just the manager. Yeah. All right. Get let's get Shane will give you a new part. Let's Can you let's see you do a scene then to to pitch yourself
00:33:46
to Shane. No. What are you talking about? What are you doing? Everybody play themselves and you crash more than any other.
00:33:52
That's good. I had no idea you were foreign. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, he's an American citizen now. We
00:33:58
got him naturalized this past year. Thank God. So, back off, Ice. Yeah. Give him Go ahead. Let's hear it.
00:34:04
All right. Here you go. Just give it to Bob. Are we Are you being real? Yeah, this
00:34:09
your audition for Yeah, that's your audition for Tires. Whoa. All right. Are you being [ __ ] real, dude?
00:34:15
Yeah. What part am I playing? Uh, it's called Jing Jong Bing. You'll be playing Jung Bing. Yeah, I'll be OC. I'll be the lady.
00:34:28
Yeah, I'm going to be Okconor. All right, here we go. Let's do it. Go ahead. All right.
00:34:34
Hey, you're finally back. Where'd you go? Your car's ready. We were watching the Penn State game at the diner. Very
00:34:41
good playing. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. It's not gay. Who's that voice? Yeah. Sucking up.
00:34:46
I was playing character. Just be you. Yeah, be you. All right. Little more sucking up to Shane.
00:34:52
I know. I was I had made it to You know what you did at the beginning of the podcast? Yeah. Just do that here.
00:35:00
All right. You ready? Hold. Can I just I need to resolve this. What are you doing, guy?
00:35:05
Just giving you I'm trying to get you the show. I know. I know, but you're making it really uncomfortable. I just want to get you on the show. You it Listen, dude. All right. I was
00:35:12
just kidding. It's so funny to be like having a side with someone but in front of the people.
00:35:17
Okay. Come on. All right. Get on the show. Just don't interrupt me, though. You got it. I won't. Okay. All right.
00:35:23
Yeah. Sorry about that. Hey, you're finally back. Where'd you go? Your car is ready. We were watching the Penn State game at
00:35:29
the diner. Same place. That's the exact same voice that you did before. or you didn't even change it a
00:35:34
little bit. All right. Uh well, I'll just do it like this and the way I'm talking now. No, no, no. A little bit. Come on. Maybe you make me nervous.
00:35:41
What? Dude, first of all, come absolutely nervous right now, dude. I don't want to do this right now.
00:35:47
I actually I'm drowning. I don't like trying to read. Yeah, dude. I'm [ __ ] drowning right now, dude. I feel like I'm sweating.
00:35:52
You're going to kill it. No, it's I'm not kidding. I'm drowning, dude. Come on. So good. All right.
00:35:58
Acting. Come on. It's getting better. Take it. It is getting a little bit better. Do it. Do it now.
00:36:03
You should do it in my my Norman. No, I can't do it. Anyway, go ahead. Hey. Hey, you're finally back. Where'd
00:36:10
you go? Your car's ready. We're watching the Penn Stain game at the diner. Very good playing. Do you like
00:36:15
what? They uh they play on Saturdays. Oh, must have been a rerun. All right. Uh anyway, your car's ready.
00:36:21
Here's the total. Cash a card. $840. I only got one tire. Now we're getting somewhere. That's good. I I recommend you get uh three more since uh one won't solve your
00:36:34
hydroplaning problem. Why is it so expensive, dude? Is that your daughter? Yeah, I'm his American daughter. Don't worry, we're not ice.
00:36:45
You guys love that ice joke. That's the guy. Okay. Okay. Oh yeah, we're that cheap. Who's Cal?
00:36:55
You. You just Oh, I thought it was Will. Yeah, you're doing both. Okay, good. That's the guy. You're sick, dude. Can you ask your American daughter to step away? Sir, let's have a private
00:37:07
conversation. You're scaring me, guys. What's going on? Did you didn't do the uh Korean? Bobby speaks in Korean, clicks his tongue at Jules.
00:37:18
Okay. Uh you I don't know the I don't know how to say this in Korean. You're scaring me, guys. Is that Korean?
00:37:32
Yeah, I don't think you got the show. Can you speak Korean? I don't think you got it. Who wrote this, by the way? You did,
00:37:37
Carlos. Really good stuff. Carlos is a screenwriter. Oh, no. It was good. Former writers. Really? Former Avatar Writers. Was he hard to
00:37:48
work with? Yes. Thank you. Who's that? My mom's here. Oh my mom. My My mom. My mom's here, dude. Oh, she looks younger than you.
00:38:01
Mom. Oh my god. Mom. Sore throat though. You do? What's going on, mom? Who's the lucky guy? He know what, Carlos?
00:38:14
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00:41:40
Should we bang a gong or anything? Should we bow? Hold up. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, Mark. My friend Mark. Hi, Mark.
00:41:50
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nice to meet you. Mrs. Lee. Yeah. Yeah. M. Lee. Lee. Why? Cuz dad died. Dad died. That's right. Yeah. You were there. We
00:42:03
were there. Remember? That was a bad day. Definitely. You ever thought about uh remarrying, getting back on the horse? Yeah. Yeah. No.
00:42:15
Did you ever have any fantasies after dad died with other men or No. Okay. Oh, no. Why? Why? Why can we upfront like Yeah. Same. When we were growing up, when I was growing up, right, I would tell her
00:42:27
everything. They're too old. Oh, right. I don't like old men. Okay. You like a BTS. Younger. Young going to go out with the miss.
00:42:38
Well, how about 37? That's too old. Gabrio. 20. Okay. Okay. Mom. What do you But what how about like height? You want? Do they have to be
00:42:50
tall? Do they have to be tall and big? Tall. Tall. Got to be tall. Like how tall? Like how tall? 62.
00:42:57
62. 63. Right. Right. Remember those nasty things you said about me? It's all come crashing down now. I'm 20 and I'm Yeah.
00:43:10
Good. Good. 20 and 60. Yeah. Yeah. Are you staying at the hotel? Are you staying here? I better. Oh, yeah. She can.
00:43:20
You want to go to the president's suite? Sh. What are you doing? He can fix that throat.
00:43:26
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's my mom. You know what I mean? Little throat coat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:31
You speak Korean? Oh, yeah. Oh, you do? Have you seen his SNL audition? Say something. Pull it up. How How you say I love you in Korean.
00:43:47
I think he says neuter. How do I say it? How you say I love you in Korean? I don't know how racist I can. I don't want to I don't want to actually
00:43:59
No, my mom can take it. Okay. Well, the way you say uh I love you in Korean is Oh, man. I love you a long time.
00:44:05
There it is. Long time no see. Long time no see. I'm sorry. Yeah. That sounds like the same That sounds like the same rhythm when you walk into a sushi joint. You know, when I when I
00:44:25
It's the same thing. I love you. That means I love you, city fish. Okay. Are you okay with the white man, the round eye or do you prefer? No problem with me.
00:44:36
No problem. What's that? Doesn't matter colors. Oh, really? Even black? Oh, yeah.
00:44:42
Whoa. You better watch out, Bobby. Spanish, you know. Spanish. Yeah. Well, Did you ever date a
00:44:47
black guy? Yeah. Did you ever date a black guy or a Spanish man? Did you ever date a Spanish man?
00:44:53
No. No. No. You have? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It sounds like a little family secrets about to come out. Just dreaming. Not just dreaming.
00:45:06
I think you've only been with You've only been with dad, right? Yeah. What? Shane, come on. Feels a little
00:45:17
um Did you get work done on your face? Huh? Did you get any Botox or anything? Are you kidding? You didn't give me money for that. You got to pay for it, buddy. You look great.
00:45:29
You're only 82. What do you expect? 82. Dude, you look amazing. Yeah. I'm going to live up to 100.
00:45:37
I hope I hope so, Mom. I hope so. No, me. No, I want you to. Yeah. Yeah, you won't. No. No, she
00:45:42
weighs no 90. You think I'll die at 90? 100. You want to go 100? Yeah. Yeah. But how old will he he'll be 90 when he dies? No, he going to be 100, too. Wow. Oh, 30 more years.
00:45:55
In our gen, you know, DNA. So, Oh, we have long livers. Yeah. My father live up to 96 years.
00:46:02
But but not on dad's side of the family. They die early. Yeah. They die. You are my line. You're on your line. Mom's line. Yeah. You're such a nice mom.
00:46:13
She's cool. Beautiful. Yeah. And you're very beautiful. She put me through three rehabs. Three rehabs. Whoa.
00:46:19
Remember the rehabs? Yeah. Oh my god. Remember? Oh, damn. Those are good. The good old days. Rehab, too. Yeah. But you know, I'm sober now again.
00:46:33
Yeah. For what? For what? Drinking. Yeah, [ __ ] I don't smoke. No, I'm s I'm sober. You are? Yeah. I don't know how long,
00:46:45
but almost four years again. What? Four years. Almost again. How is always four years?
00:46:51
I relapse every time. Every four years. It does feel like four years. Yeah. Every four years I relapse. Yeah,
00:46:56
it's almost time. The witching hour. Yeah, it's coming. Yeah. Do you think I will?
00:47:02
I hope not. I'd like to be around there for that. You need to see that. I would hate it. Please, God don't.
00:47:07
Yeah. Tell them what I'm like. It's really not fun. Were you Were you sober when you drove me home from that comedy club that time?
00:47:14
I don't think I was. I don't think I was because we drove for like three hours left of the comedy club
00:47:21
and I didn't want to say anything, but I was watching him just miss every exit on the GPS.
00:47:26
That's the Asian. I know. I couldn't I couldn't tell. And then Oh, yeah. No, you were definitely not sober cuz you were like, "We better
00:47:31
hurry hurry up and get home cuz these pills are about to kick in." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:37
Yeah. Did you know your mom was coming? No, we should have told you. No. You know what? No, you should have told.
00:47:42
Yeah, it was a good surprise. Got it. Thank you. Yeah. I seen that so many times. What? He does it all the time. He loves it.
00:47:56
Yeah. The Korean starts, dude. Once it starts, they're plotting our demise. Yeah. You smell it, Mom? Mhm.
00:48:07
Uhhuh. I have a nose like a dog. I can smell, you know. That was That was for your dad. That was one for the dad. That was Rapa. Yeah. What's his name? Rick Shaw. All right.
00:48:22
319. That makes sense cuz you'd have to have the lead. But that's great. We're having a good time. Mom, what have you been doing though? What have you been doing with yourself?
00:48:38
I assume a lot of things. Like tell me. I do I had all day. I have two of this. Yeah. Yeah. You have two iPads? I Yeah.
00:48:49
Because one you bought for me, one Steven B for me. Okay. See, that's it. Take him all day, you
00:48:55
know. Yeah. Yeah. iPad Queen. She loves the iPad. You know, like I play, you know, games.
00:49:00
Solitaire. Solitaire and wars game, you know. Yeah. Yeah. War game. War game. Yeah. Yeah.
00:49:07
Korean War. Yeah. No. English. Mom, I don't talk. Mom, tell tell us about the Korean War. You were a kid, right? Oh, during the Korean War.
00:49:18
Seven. Seven. Whoa. What was the worst thing you saw at the Korean? Which is this is funny. You know, dead people on the street.
00:49:23
What? Dead people on the street. On the street. You know, we live by the mountain, right? There's a lot of people, you know, on the mountain. Yeah. Dead mountain people, huh?
00:49:34
Yeah. Yeah. It's like LA. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And did you what did you poke their bodies and what did you do?
00:49:39
You stole their shoes. What did you do? I mean, when you walk Yeah. Dead. I should I have to I don't
00:49:45
have to poke them. Oh. Was it scary? Because I was so young, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:49:51
To me most like games, you know. So, I don't have a bad memory about war, you know. Okay. So, how'd you get out? I never fight with them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So invaded to south west and south.
00:50:06
Yeah. We know how it went. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't do you like North Koreans?
00:50:12
I I don't have reason to hate them. Yeah. Good answer, Mom. Except you know politics and but they
00:50:19
are the same people. They are the same people. Yeah. That's they speak the same. They look the same. You love all Asians.
00:50:26
You love all Asians. No, not the Japanese. Not the Japanese. I love you know what do the Japanese do to us? They they are conquered I mean they
00:50:40
occupied occupied mean 40 years. They're mean. 37 years. Yeah. 37 years. Yeah. Oh, very mean. You know what dad told me once? We we couldn't eat because they took all
00:50:50
our rice to You don't take the rice. You don't take the rice. Yeah. That's why we you know take everything. You leave the rice. Leave
00:50:56
the rice. was so short that time the Korean is the tallest one in Asia but then at during that time we couldn't eat this like a shrink then after Korean war
00:51:08
they grow up so now they are kind of average like I'm seven you think I'm average I think I'm small average
00:51:19
you think I'm average for being Korean I don't think so in my family in your family in the Lee family where
00:51:24
I'm average yeah in the family Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I am. No, Eddie, my cousin.
00:51:29
Oh, my my Euro family. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what dad said once? You know what dad said once about the
00:51:40
Japanese? Long time ago. Long time ago. They used to tie us a Korean by ankle with a rope, right? Hang us upside down.
00:51:53
I'm like, "Okay, Dad." And they took out the N. Pick nail. Pick nail. Right. And then he said,
00:51:59
"Is that why you guys own those salons?" Is that how it started? All right. Good question. That's actually a fair It's a fair question. Yeah, that's
00:52:09
actually maybe true. It's a fair and he said, um, they used to dunk us in boiling water. Yeah. So they we you'd plop in a layer of
00:52:21
skin, you know what I mean? And then eventually you would die. But I was 8 years old when dad told me that.
00:52:26
They do like you know expert from they put you know experience you know for Korean like a Jewish. Oh the tattoo. Oh the tattoo. The chemical things.
00:52:38
Oh the chemical things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Asian Japan. I think not the people don't they don't
00:52:45
know. Yeah. It's the military. The military. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we had to drop a bomb on them
00:52:51
twice. Yeah. Because I I he just we dropped the bomb on them twice. Oh, twice. Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The once. No, twice. You think one would be enough, but Yeah. Yeah. So,
00:53:08
they didn't learn. They didn't learn. What? Four again? Yeah. I think we did drop one. They did the first. They did it to put
00:53:16
They started it. They started They started it. Those bastards. They deserved it.
00:53:22
They kind of Oh, I could. Oh, they going to hate me. You know who? I cannot go Japan anymore. If you say
00:53:28
one thing like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You cannot go to Japan. Shane, any questions about my or
00:53:36
no? Well, you're nervous. Do you know who? Do you know? Don't tell me any question. You like Dennis Rodman?
00:53:42
Is that your name? No. Yes. Yes. That's Dennis Rodman. Yeah. He play for the polls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Who Who's that guy that knocked up your mom?
00:53:54
Dennis. He's selling out arenas all over the country doing stand up. It's wild. Mom, he's um the biggest comedian on earth, planet Earth. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:04
I'm sorry. I don't watch any. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's He's really What's his name?
00:54:10
Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis. Sane. Yes. Exactly. Shane. Shane. Shane. Shane Gillis. Yeah. Shane. Oh my god. It's harder than my name. Yeah. What's your name?
00:54:23
That's what I guessed. Hold on. What is it? Chongja. Better remember that. Yeah. Yeah. You better remember that. I can't I feel bad.
00:54:35
Well, here's what we we'll do. We'll we thank the boys so we can get they can rest and get ready for the show and then we'll finish with the family.
00:54:41
Okay, great. All right. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. I love you guys. Thank you guys. Nice to meet you.
00:54:47
All right. Welcome to Bad Friends 300th episode. Today we have Jules, Rudy, Jewels, Juliana,
00:55:06
and then we got my mom and Miss Lee. Miss Miss Lee is here. my mom. And Wow. Let's Let's go around the room. What we're grateful for. Oh, yeah. That's what we do at 300.
00:55:22
All right. Well, you want to start? Yeah. What are you grateful for? Yeah. I'm grateful for um you.
00:55:30
I really I really am. Honestly, I do. I am grateful for you. Thank you. I think that we um we have a good thing
00:55:37
going here. We got a good thing going and um I'm really blessed. You are. You're very We're very
00:55:42
I'm also grateful for my mom still being alive. Hell yeah. And looking so good at 82.
00:55:48
25 more years. Yeah. She's a great mother and um she she can still count which is amazing. She can still count which is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:59
It's kind of you guys' thing. Do you know the ABCs? Exactly. And that's what's good about that, too.
00:56:05
Yeah. Because she knew what I said. She did. She doesn't want She doesn't She want to share it. She want to brag.
00:56:10
And so I'm grateful for my mom. You know what I mean? She has her Dora the Explorer haircut, which is pretty cool.
00:56:16
I like it. So pretty. Yeah. So pretty. Yeah. Did you dye it? What's going on with your hair, Mom? Today we're going to be Korean.
00:56:23
I like your hair. It looks really nice. Yeah. Very nice. Die and have a little bit bridge.
00:56:29
Yeah. Jules is growing up, you know. Yeah. Your hair's gotten so long, too. Long. Are you going to keep it going? How long? Down to like down to the floor. But yeah,
00:56:40
why you think that looks good? Ringo. Maybe you look Is that a thing in Filipino
00:56:46
culture to have really long hair? Yeah. Like girls always have really long hair. Yeah. You have like a Share thing going on.
00:56:52
Remember Share Share? Share. Yeah. Remember Sher? She She's not dead. You remember Sher? No, she's still alive. Do you believe
00:57:04
what? Bono. Bono. She died. Bono's alive. No, no, no. Sunonny Bono. Oh, Sunny Bono. Remember a tree killed him? Yeah,
00:57:14
a tree killed Sunonny Bono. A tree. He was skiing. He was skiing and it, you know,
00:57:20
he hit a tree. He hit a tree and he died. Which if you've ever gone skiing is pretty hard to do to like hit a tree and die. Yeah, cuz it's easier to avoid him if you've skied before.
00:57:32
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Wasn't he like a good skier? Probably not. Not burn. Burn. Real burn. Mom, I've been seeing a girl for 8 months.
00:57:43
Never mind. No. No. She's not Korean. No. Very sweet. She's white. Pretty. She's white, though. I know. But yeah.
00:57:55
Oh. Well, you over 50. I I cannot control you. No. You What kind of girl do you want him to be with? I'm not going to say it. Say it. You're
00:58:06
never going to have one. No. A Korean girl. You know what I want. You want a Korean girl. They don't like me, Mom.
00:58:11
Yeah, they do. You don't try. I try all the time. You don't try with Korean girls. Korean girls don't like me.
00:58:16
He likes white girls. He doesn't go for Korean girls. I No, I like a lot of Korean girls, dude. They don't like me.
00:58:22
Bikushid. They think I'm big. What does that mean? Hideous. Ugly. Yeah. Pigush. I got it. You're not Pigush. I'm Pikushid. You guys look like me. You I look like dad. And dad was picushtoid.
00:58:35
No. Yeah. Yeah. You're the pretty one. And mom look dad Steve looks like you and everyone goes I look like dad and dad
00:58:42
was ugly. He wasn't ugly. You have your mom's he was I have your humor. Yeah. Your He has your brains and your heart
00:58:52
and your heart and he's got his father's body. He knows about me. Yeah. See, I can feel it. Steve is a lot more like dad. Steve is
00:59:00
our brother. My brother. G is very smart, man. I know. I mean, street smart, you know.
00:59:05
Yeah. Street smart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you. I'm street smart. No, I'm not. I'm not. You have brain in my family. Okay.
00:59:15
What? You got brain? I got brain. Good brain. Good brain. Yeah. You respect your mom? That's a good
00:59:22
brain. Well, yeah. That you have to do. Yeah. I respect my mom. You better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you sing, Mom? I don't I never heard
00:59:28
you sing growing up. going out like sing. Do you sing? Oh yeah. Nobody likes me singing.
00:59:36
No, I want to hear I want to hear some singing. So I sing all by myself because I want to, you know, don't forget the, you
00:59:43
know, lyrics and Korean and English, you know. Will you sing? Will you sing right now?
00:59:48
Raise me up. No, I'm not going to sing. Please raise me up. You raise me up. You raise me up.
00:59:55
Yeah. Come on. Come on. I I don't I don't remember. You don't like it? Oh, yeah. You raise me up. And so I can
01:00:17
She got the wrong one. You raised me up. Yeah, you raised me up. Okay. Okay. Let's go. Ready? I am down.
01:00:29
We tried. I tried. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Take two. When I am down and oh my soul so we
01:00:40
troules. What is the first one? Is this by Josh Gro and the one you have over there? Here we go. Ready? You raise me up so I can stand on mountain.
01:00:56
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be.
01:01:13
Yeah. Thank you, Bad Friends, for 300 episodes. We love you. I hope we do 300 more, maybe more than that. We really
01:01:20
appreciate the fans. We love you guys so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being Thank you for God.