00:00:00
[Music] [Music] yeah you have to open it up you have to open it up you don't open it up no I'm a trumpet player oh yeah they wrote a coffee carrot
00:00:25
coffee Cara drink it you're drinking you're a bit hmm two are bad friends who are these two
00:00:39
idiots [Music] or something we're bad friends Macon just broke a piece of glass in the
00:00:51
studio he broke uh my glass a piece of glass it's about yay big I don't know what's this that's how I describe you yay big all right well that was rude but um
00:01:04
when somebody goes how big is Bobby how big is your best friend Bobby I go yay big okay good so yay big
00:01:11
all right anyway so you owe me one you owe him a new piece of glass anyway last night what was first of my first hurricane and I'm gonna say that not that big of a deal not that big of a
00:01:22
deal at all yeah I went outside and everything yeah you know what I mean I went to a local bar with my sister really my sister says hi they're in town
00:01:28
they want to come see you see me where they want to come say hi she came over at three in the morning last night anyway um Jesus
00:01:38
was that the hurricane yeah oh that was the earthquake I felt yeah yeah that was the earthquake yeah we had an earthquake
00:01:44
and a hurricane yeah anyway it was fun last night but anyway um so anyway uh last night hurricane okay I lived through it but so I hurricane
00:01:57
Hillary ripped up Southern California so then I went into my um you know I have a little um not a cover what do you call
00:02:04
it Pantry okay you've heard of how many Pantages you have one I have three how many do you have pantries for food I have one place for food you have a lot of pantries well I converted a couple of
00:02:16
a closet bedrooms another bathroom as a pantry though for you it makes it in your face dog but anyway Patrick fat guys do
00:02:33
but guess what in my third Pantry last night I [ __ ] real hard last night but anyway let's whoa did you your sister
00:02:42
[Applause] I'm kidding I love her but anyway last night well you better [Laughter]
00:02:51
is that something I bought it's something that I forgot about have you ever bought something you forgot to buy no you mean you buy something and you
00:02:58
forget when it's true no you bought something you put it away and you're like oh I bought that yeah what did you
00:03:04
buy babe it was a blue book be nice it was a [ __ ] machine so jealous right and and this one dude I was like there's no way it's gonna work
00:03:15
but you already have a few but this one in particular I was like you you charge it right on a like UCB this was a battery one so okay it was
00:03:27
like oh my God it's like the 80s where you have to put like double a batteries in it yeah you know the the plus and the
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minor whatever so I put it in there I screwed it and it it looks like a [ __ ] um it looks like a [ __ ]
00:03:38
machine I bet no it doesn't no it doesn't look like from afar it looks like a hair dryer it has the same setup
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like a handle yeah and like the right yeah so there's no way last night I I'll try it I stuck it on
00:03:52
and as soon as my penis went in it I was like oh no this is different yeah this is new
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did you have to put anything inside of it or just get it started and get it going I'll have a variety I have heat
00:04:06
cool whoa every brand of lube you know how I do with sunflower seeds yeah I do it with Lube too yeah you know how David sunflower seed sponsors us a multi-flavored loop do you
00:04:19
taste the do you ever taste that I don't taste it it's not hot it's outside like [ __ ] um it's fully edible though it's it's
00:04:26
their food grade don't you gotta trick me again because I'm gonna do it Lube is food great I know but I'm gonna go home and do it and I'm gonna get sick
00:04:32
everybody knows Lube is food imagine if you have to put it inside of people it must be safe for you to consume yeah you
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did that with my calm yeah you say come has a different flavor it is food grade I told you to taste it well I tasted it
00:04:44
it looks tastes the same on every day you try you have to do every day Monday's different than Friday what do I
00:04:50
do anyway so last night um you know the Hurricane's going and stuff yeah I'm in the bathroom and when you when you masturbate you've
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masturbated before right a couple times you're very good yeah I bet you you're a pro this guy's ranked are you ranked do
00:05:09
you think on a national level top five thousand yeah I don't know I got a master though
00:05:15
masturbator yeah I mean you know like in chess you know because um what's your rank what's your rank and
00:05:20
chess like 2000 is unbelievable yeah so oh then that was what you think as a masturbator maybe like uh 20 000 out of
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250 million in America that's pretty good not bad yeah so what happened you think you performed well last night huh
00:05:33
Indian guy is [ __ ] number one those guys they're always the best well them in the Chinese yeah yeah they do it the
00:05:39
best yeah spelling bees chess and then masturbating they're the best which they can all do at the same time
00:05:45
so um anyway I just woke up so I'm not even clear but um I made a no I've never made a noise orgasming [Music]
00:05:56
um it's like oh first oh yeah like if I go I'm gonna write you the lyrics all right okay o h o o o h h o o right and then
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the last one is capital capital like you know how Trump when he tweets and he's angry
00:06:15
social it's all capital yeah yeah oh 15 times dude he just cripped he crept in here did you see that he was cripping it did you see me damn what's up
00:06:56
please sit down in our blue chair oh [Laughter] oh cool I love to [ __ ] do an arena
00:07:21
what did you what'd you bring you brought a little gift I just did Mark Marion's podcast he says by the way he
00:07:26
knows you're gay uh did he say that for real finally he goes by the way tell Andrew I know finally he reads my text
00:07:31
messages yeah let me ask you something fun not fun was it fun it was fun I got emotions he digs deep huh no he gets too
00:07:39
deep he got me dude he goes too deep what did he give you there one of his uh [ __ ] coffee mugs yeah oh cool he was
00:07:45
like Hey you cried about your sister here's a mug no go get a cup of coffee how many times
00:07:50
have you done it I only did it once me too I think he only does one he has a one-time deal now I think he you know
00:07:56
people he likes he invites back I know like tarantine yeah yeah well Tarantino's huge yeah my dumb ass being
00:08:02
like and then I I like comedy again dude I was just across the street I gotta tell you guys this I grabbed food real quick yeah or cross at that Diner I sat at the counter the most La [ __ ] in the
00:08:14
world what happened there was just this super old guy on the phone and he's like talking about post Malone
00:08:20
and he's like yeah listen to his CD it's a good song he's good he's like a real he's CD's real good yeah then he starts talking about naked ladies oh I love this and it
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was so old and porny where he goes yeah look her up look her up she used to do solo and girl on girl good body he goes but now she's doing regular porn throw
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eight inches at her and I was like oh my God Carlos you were next door before this I
00:08:49
thought it was Bobby that's 100 Carlos's conversations on the phone yeah you got to look up for it look up her stuff I
00:08:55
was looking up the girls do you remember any of the girls names I left the tab up yeah because I knew I was coming here yeah God bless I wasn't like no let me delete the thing that
00:09:05
we're gonna definitely talk about who is he ranting about uh he was ranting about this girl name is Sid Wilder oh I know
00:09:12
her I know wait wait wait first of all [ __ ] I know her I know that's why wait wait wait okay she's not a porn star
00:09:18
okay she's more of a she's a comedian oh yeah she does I know who this is oh yeah but she I we follow we I know her she's
00:09:25
she she she used to do stand-up or something yeah more about social media kind of thing
00:09:31
but I know her the other girl and I know I I see what you're trying to do no the other girl I know what you're doing
00:09:37
right now Sydney the other girl he brought up was uh something Scott I erased her one it was Sydney Scott
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there's one right there uh it's a blonde lady named just just an elementary school teacher
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named Sydney Scott no I'm gonna fight he's like and then there's a girl who teaches my kids yeah I like to see her
00:09:55
tapes this guy was such an old perv by the way we're setting records another teacher got busted for just this past
00:10:02
week for a I want to say threesome or foursome it was in the news I think she was an Idaho which one look up the news
00:10:09
another one well there's one in the Bronx I saw that one yeah but those three on that one teacher allegedly arranged threesome with schoolgirl and
00:10:16
mom wait and it was a dude that pulled this no I think this was a girl right oh no that guy oh that guy this guy pulled
00:10:22
it whoa well I mean if you do it with a parent I mean they get consent right it's like a they had the field trip for
00:10:28
him yeah I mean we go listen before I suck and [ __ ] you and your daughter I mean you can bring your kid to a rated R movie if you're there right exactly bring your parent to yeah I don't know
00:10:41
there's absolutely a slimy lawyer that's like we got this it's called the permission the
00:10:48
permission slip this is like in uh in Wisconsin if you're underage you know if your parent is there you can drink do
00:10:53
you know about this what it's kind of like um local uh not a law but like people just go with it you're allowed to drink under miners under the stage are allowed to consume alcohol as long as they're accompanied by a parent legal
00:11:05
guardian or spouse of legal drinking age in Wisconsin it is a law damn dude they have that's basically like training
00:11:11
wheels for boots 100 they're like hey I let go back a block ago you've been blessed just keep peddling yeah dude Wisconsin would be the state
00:11:23
that does that 100 but we used to go up there when I'd go with my parents to like Irish Fest and we go to a bar and I
00:11:29
it always felt like we were getting away with something but the bartenders were like what are you looking at what do you want like just throwing the beers and
00:11:35
they're like okay which one how old were you I was like 17 18. so you're already drinking well yeah but never in a bar if
00:11:42
we if we got into a bar it's because we knew someone whose Uncle owned it who was just a degenerate blackout he was
00:11:48
just sitting at the end of the bar and he's like just make sure none of you guys drive you you guys wouldn't want to be around in high school getting drunk
00:11:55
man in high school I got super gay you know I would get so gay dude tell him you did method you do meth in high school I started I did meth at 11. what well that's when you can get it when
00:12:06
you're about 10 or 11. yeah yeah that's why you start understanding Society yeah wait but what is that because at 11 you
00:12:13
still have child energy you know you still have like I want to go do that and then with meth where you just did you
00:12:19
shoot To The Moon no my dad was always going to come in so I had to prepare myself oh no you did paranoid meth
00:12:24
paranoid yeah oh yeah when did you how you gave you the math what happened was um one day we because from Minnesota to San Diego it was like
00:12:39
when I was 10 whatever and then we we moved to the suburbs Green Valley okay beautiful beautiful you know what you
00:12:46
get in the suburbs is good math you get drunk you get bored kids doing drugs with this it was the last time I ever saw a Filipino kid you know I mean with mustache they used at 11 o'clock yeah it
00:12:59
was insane they really do deep voices but they can't grow beards their bodies are hairless insane it was a kid he flipped over a
00:13:10
skateboard and he was doing a line he must have been like five years older than me you thought it was coke
00:13:16
no I didn't know what it was but I remember going um I hit my I was I was in so much pain
00:13:21
I just remember just being in so much pain like sad and yeah I mean my parents are so violent I got all F's on my
00:13:29
report card they thought I had Down syndrome they thought I would really rereads yeah and I just walked across
00:13:36
the street girl and I go can I have some other day it was a drug I knew that it was gonna change the way I felt you see
00:13:42
that kid if you're doing bad in school just your jokes a little bump will do you yeah
00:13:51
I would probably try some stuff with you guys really when you get drunk you'll be like just kiss me you fool he did he did
00:13:58
all that stuff all the time I did that all the time did any of your friends take you up on the offer oh yeah oh my
00:14:04
god dude yeah San Diego have you ever been down there yeah everybody's pansexual pan City dude it's pan City
00:14:14
let me say something if you know the women back then now it's like being an Asian guy you're like oh it's normal like you know I could if I was young now if you would have been killing me
00:14:27
right in the party walking in like this right yeah did you ever have a friend do it and then like call you the next day
00:14:33
and be like hey don't [ __ ] tell anybody oh no no it was a you still talk to any of those guys that you hooked up with from high school I didn't you were drunk so it's like
00:14:57
nowhere he's right it is a hookup I didn't say you dated it's not a hookup it's a hookup how is that not a hookup
00:15:03
Google what is hooking up it's a hookup that's the that is a hookup you hooked up and then now their wives are like so
00:15:11
you guys went to high school together that's why you've never been to a reunion he cannot face those being
00:15:17
intimate sexual with someone without being in a committed relationship with them that's a hookup buddy that's a hookup dude so you hooked up yeah no
00:15:23
yeah there's nothing wrong with it you were getting to get you you said a hook up you don't like it no it doesn't say anything about that
00:15:30
no it doesn't mean listen if you eat a meal it doesn't mean if it's good or bad you still ate
00:15:36
yeah you're hungry bullied right now you're not yeah yeah all right dip it back up let's bring this down I just want to tell you right
00:15:47
now Bobby yeah yeah I find this very do you really I swear to God and I think if I would have been doing meth I might
00:15:52
have been tossing out I wasn't doing meth at the time when I was doing that I doubt it yeah you're not a you're not an
00:15:58
HJ guy you would do meth and go build something yeah yeah soda's up building a shed again all right go teach me a
00:16:04
different fight what's an SJ huh HJ sub job your hand job the first time I got a hand job I almost said please stop it really it was so uncomfortable
00:16:19
from a guy girl it's almost always been a girlfriend [Laughter] say something I was highly sexual you have to understand being a Korean dude in the
00:16:41
80s back then what do you mean everybody was highly sexual and they're 15. oh good okay okay I'm just saying in the 80s back then
00:16:48
they just did it no girls liked uh guys that look like me well no no it's because of where you live you live in an athlete in White San Diego okay whatever you would have killed also up here I
00:16:59
would have killed it in Korea maybe yeah yeah San Francisco Los Angeles maybe what do you think was the biggest
00:17:05
deterrent for girls when you were young was it me yeah maybe because I was three foot two
00:17:11
did you ever go hunting for small women did you ever see like did a small girl have with the Noms
00:17:18
wait so no no you were the [ __ ] military ass I was out there Charlie Charlie what about a tiny white
00:17:31
you should have had agent orange with you I would have taken them down oh my God be real dude you think you think because
00:17:42
of your height was the biggest attorney also I'm weird I'm gonna tell you right now
00:17:48
[Applause] I was a tall weird and they didn't like me you see they did not they were like you're weird about you but you were an athlete I sucked I wasn't I never got a
00:18:01
proxy though girls did just think you're tall and attractive I'm an athlete yeah well I was on the tennis team and
00:18:08
wrestling team that's not athletic the wrestling team though the problem with that is those guys are so hardcore about wrestling that's all they can think and
00:18:14
talk about all day yeah football players basketball players all they're thinking about is girls the shitty basketball
00:18:20
players and the shitty football players all on me yeah we're playing the sport but we're also concentrating on where we
00:18:25
can get [ __ ] up yeah where are we gonna get [ __ ] up we were the guy I was the guy that was like where are you gonna get beer and you're like I got
00:18:31
beer don't worry you know you turn to me yeah we're on the bench but being weird it does it stops you from getting [ __ ]
00:18:37
thank you but now short King thing this is a new thing dude all over the Internet you're in your element right now dude you couldn't Shine Anymore
00:18:43
short King look up short Kings dude sure kings are all over the place they're having short King parties what just for
00:18:49
you guys they're having parties with dudes not above five foot seven and the girls are all like above five foot ten
00:18:55
whoa do you want to go to one of these buddies dude look up short King parties let's get you a [ __ ] tall Queen dude
00:19:02
this is Fred you don't think I [ __ ] good I think hold on don't come over here I'm doing fine I think you're doing great in the last in the last part I'll have help in the last 30 years though
00:19:38
lovely lunch last week you and I yeah one of the best one of the best food I did poo yeah but you and you washed my
00:19:45
back I did like a real friend wait a minute mid lunch you went to the bathroom after lunch yeah why did you wash his back well he didn't want he
00:19:51
watched my bag yeah dude what are you getting the tape on this podcast anyway Bobby but yeah but I was saying I I because we had such
00:20:04
a lovely lunch I want you to do even better than before without you and I'm saying right now I know you're doing
00:20:10
great yeah but how much better could you do if you [ __ ] it you show up at a short King party you're the man you're the man
00:20:17
under five eight and the dates have to be over five ten this is amazing I love this this is match this is Dana White
00:20:23
matchmaking now look at yourself could you imagine yourself with these fellas right here I think I like these guys okay let's press play on that let's see
00:20:29
what they got going on these guys oh hell yeah look at all these girls are tall and a lot of times hot tall girls are hot but they're tall so like men are
00:20:36
like hey they're intimidated by yeah by the way this is my favorite about Trucking parties all the girls have their arms wrapped around the guys like
00:20:43
they have their arm resting on the man shoulders I've always dated girls five eight or taller you've never dated a
00:20:49
short girl no could I say this too and this is a little science when you're laying down I think it's because their their lengths
00:20:56
are usually in the legs yeah so torsos aren't really that much longer so it seems like you're making love to
00:21:02
somebody that's your size right and then when you're laying down you feel it feels same feels the same exactly the
00:21:09
same I mean I have to do it a little bit of but if he goes down if he goes down there it takes him a long time to get back yeah and I have to like when I want
00:21:15
to kiss him I hit the stretch of my neck a little bit yeah yeah we just gotta buy you one of them
00:21:22
her neck is right here and then I go I want a kiss oh you go yeah I had to do that yeah I
00:21:28
get that to get some breath you like you go to the ocean yeah you're stretching your leg let me get a kiss yeah just
00:21:34
keeping your head above water like that's food that's food I have to do a dust boot you know what that spoon is yeah you'd have
00:21:41
never heard of that smooth yeah right it's one of the best movies ever made it's pretty good it's a German movie was it Russian or German I think it's German German yeah yeah yeah great movie right yeah
00:21:55
well from Peter there's a lot well fun pretty soon Hello friends oh my God I love hellofresh because whenever there's a hollow fresh box outside my door you get
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pound 529 from yourself this is a paid advertisement you know what I rewatched alien one and Aliens
00:24:49
yeah I mean that's James Cameron that's well the first one's not really Scott yeah really did the first one yeah
00:24:55
release got to the first one but both of those movies when you re-watch them you're like this is pretty good [ __ ] though dude I might you might have yeah
00:25:02
you might have inspired me to watch them back to back because it's been probably 20 years since I've watched it so I just
00:25:07
went I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery this past week you know they show movies in the cemetery yeah and I went to go see it's Kill Bill it was a
00:25:13
Kill Bill sleepover one and two great here's the wild [ __ ] A the movie holds up to an incredible degree like I
00:25:20
thought I've seen that movie so many [ __ ] times maybe it'll be whatever phenomenal again 4 500 people in the
00:25:27
cemetery my brain goes to someone's going to ruin this they're going to be talking they'll be [ __ ] around yeah
00:25:32
everyone silent really clap when they clap laugh when they deserve to laugh I was like how come we can't do this in
00:25:39
normal functioning Society like how come we can't just all be on the same page do you love those movies Kill Bill I adore
00:25:46
after Michael Park he placed a couple of roles in it but he plays this Tijuana like
00:25:51
like he's like some sort of like a pimp or something it is Michael park right Michael Parks yeah Michael Park that
00:25:58
that monologue he does I don't know if it's one or two yeah that monologue it's in two yeah and so you know he wasn't
00:26:04
supposed to have that part really no the actor that they hired was out of town during the like um table read then you
00:26:11
get back in town so you know you're [ __ ] changes you're gonna miss it it's my great aunt's birthday yeah so Tarantino asked
00:26:22
my because you're already in the movie yeah just you just read this part and he crush and he crushed so bad doing that
00:26:28
part that territory was like oh the other guy's fired that's exactly right if he would have just shown up skip your
00:26:35
aunt's birthday also what's more important it would have to be like um it would have people like oh uh a Stanley
00:26:41
Kubrick's was reborn yeah why shoot for him or your wife was getting heart surgery and you had to help do it
00:26:48
I don't skill things I don't skip [ __ ] table wait for that yeah yeah I'd rather have my wife die
00:26:57
that's how big that is you know that right you heard that Clinton if you ever want someone to sacrifice
00:27:05
you heard my history Tarantino you bring a line to Matt this guy will be at the yeah I haven't watched Kill Bill since it was out in
00:27:16
theaters phenomenal honestly oh you have to watch it it's so good again sodi how long he's in town for
00:27:22
so uh Wednesday are you are you here uh running around promoting or what are you doing I was supposed to promote but then
00:27:27
there was a strike the whole background was the show and I was like hey uh that's gonna get me in deep [ __ ] I need my health insurance and
00:27:40
what did he say was he like I'll leave it up there he's like no no I'll change it he's cool yeah I think people La is
00:27:45
the city where they understand because nobody wants to lose them without like liking highways yeah Bobby's World yeah
00:27:51
so when you was that the first time you met him yeah what a nice guy right I've known for years but I love them
00:27:56
sweetheart yeah yeah and like walking around yeah very nervous because I didn't know you don't know how that's going to be kind of like an older School
00:28:02
dude like old school dude you're like I don't know if we're gonna get along I don't know how it's gonna go and he was super [ __ ] did he show you his
00:28:08
hologram yeah he's got Tupac's Holograms I love that yeah yeah and then I yeah he does have two boxes in a warehouse in
00:28:15
L.A it's it's some real adrenochrome it's a 50 thousand Squidward square foot warehouse and I was like what's all the
00:28:21
other rooms for he's like we're figuring it out he already knows oh yeah you're harvesting the fear of children I um it
00:28:28
was one of those things where I'm anti I'm against Ai and chat gbt it just scares me yeah you know and I was like
00:28:34
joking at first being like yeah that [ __ ] kind of scares me and he's like but why does it scare you yeah like it
00:28:41
really was that moment where you're like are you a computer why are you so big on pushing computers on me man he's like
00:28:47
write down your feelings we'll talk about it on Michelle zero one zero zero one one zero sorry I [ __ ] up what were
00:28:52
you saying but he doesn't take a second he he's constantly busy and it's like it just like I look at him like I don't
00:28:58
ever want to be like that no way you stay on the path you're on right now you're just fine you you almost do nothing so rude dude what's wrong with you today
00:29:10
isn't that true you're attacking me at all isn't it true what's the real matter with you right now isn't it true that
00:29:16
you you do you you like to do almost nothing I do so many things in my life so what are you talking about what do
00:29:21
you mean you just said I don't want to do it how I met you no I'm just like he's constantly like 8 A.M to [ __ ] 9
00:29:28
p.m yeah he scheduled booked book book he really did that as we do this podcast he's like I got something right now yeah
00:29:34
yeah he's constantly going and one time I asked him I go dude he's like if I stop and think I'm gonna get depressed
00:29:40
and I get in my head and I'll get really I get really depressed and he goes oh that was a good one did he do that
00:29:46
yeah he did that by the way yeah yeah I just as a fart connoisseur oh really I could hear this back thank you man well
00:29:54
the these seats are built for that we did buy one but you're right I I mean there I mean I am you know a little
00:29:59
lazier than most I'm not saying you're lazy I think you like to do less because I will I will join your team Bobby and I
00:30:06
will sacrifice myself for this conversation yeah I love to do nothing you do loved it thanks man what's
00:30:11
nothing to you lay on the couch all day if I can I think you have it I'll walk my dog what do I have you have a little bit of Howie Mandel yeah I want to do stuff no no but you're constantly going yeah you're like sometimes we'll go off
00:30:23
the road and you're like oh no I'm going to Hawaii I'm gonna do it I'm doing a golf tournament in originally and I'm like dude slow down you know what but
00:30:30
this is what this is all I've got I'm gonna die I should do it while I can but I'm gonna agree with Bobby I'll watch
00:30:35
your stories and I'll be like I just saw you were doing a show how are you golfing with Travis yeah because I
00:30:41
because I feel like I gotta I've gotta get it while I'm having it right now I understand that but to argue what Bobby
00:30:47
and I love to do yeah I work hard so I can take a Monday next Monday right yeah I got nothing nothing and it to me is
00:30:55
better than doing anything okay I'm gonna walk my dog twice see I'm gonna do that too but then and then I'm gonna
00:31:02
literally go upstairs I'm gonna play Playstation I'm gonna watch TV shows I'm gonna order food get us maybe walk to the Starbucks at the base of my building mate that's gonna be a sick [ __ ] day
00:31:15
yeah we went on tour right we would wake up on the tour bus he's already got he he comes back with a bandana a hiking
00:31:23
backpack a test Racket and you're like I went spear fishing yeah you know and it's like you're supposedly going and it's like I think you have the same thing that happens it's a sickness without a doubt it's a sickness your
00:31:37
sleep away your sadness and I work away myself first of all that's a beautiful song
00:31:43
and I work and you sleep away your sadness you don't want to face it and neither do I we we're the same guys no one wants the face two separate ends I just can't keep
00:31:54
going and going and going and going and going and going and going yeah but I know I like facing sadness sometimes
00:32:00
yeah no I like to put a little dip in my mouth lay down with my cat gooner right yeah and listen to some really sad [ __ ]
00:32:06
dude that sounds honestly right and I bring out the machine you know see me I listen to sad music in
00:32:12
my car if I'm really sad starting to sound the same I miss the comfort of being sad yeah yeah I like to
00:32:20
take a drive and listen to sad [ __ ] oh my God so look I'm still moving even when I'm yeah you can't you're a shark
00:32:25
this the machine has yeah I can't sleep you can't so you can't stop I think I'm gonna get one of those aura rings to find out how often I sleep at night yeah
00:32:31
and I think genuinely I'm gonna it'll register four hours a night maybe I mean I looked at mine because I didn't I
00:32:38
don't snore but I toss and turn yeah and I didn't know that's how I lived with Katie and she's like dude you flip and flop all the time does she sleep really
00:32:44
easy she can't fall asleep but once she's asleep she's dead I would think is she does what I do
00:32:51
where it's like yes constantly yes she can't really she can't slow down she once she slows down she can sleep or whatever but then I'm I can fall asleep fast and then I'm moving in my sleep and
00:33:02
I'm up so I sleep for like an hour then I'm like I'm up and I sleep for another hour and I went and did the test and they were like you're waking up 23 times
00:33:09
an hour 23. I have the same thing and so I got to sleep at me and ask but it didn't work it like there's something
00:33:15
[ __ ] up with my nose I feel like I'm suffering a [ __ ] up face I think stop it
00:33:21
I'm sorry you're right I just looked at it now it's so long it's long this way you gotta stop that I can't yeah you did don't put water on it his brain is so big it's weighted down
00:33:35
his skin is I don't know why there's Dan soder's head there it is there it is that is absolutely it that's it yeah
00:33:46
it's hilarious that's a long skull yeah yeah wait a minute look give me Korean guys skulls what are they
00:33:54
like all right let's see what the [ __ ] he's just doing some light racial for knowledge
00:34:00
that's it normal totally normal wait a second whoa that's cool what does an Irish guy's head look like I'm sure there's not there's not a lot of room what if like a Korean guy skull had like little slips
00:34:13
oh my God the orbital bow yeah what is that just a Dropkick Murphys album yeah The Pogues floating around our brain the whole time it's just the shoulder tattoo of Austin firefighter
00:34:26
but when will when will you stop doing stand-up you think what age 65 if I'm lucky when they when they do not buy another ticket I'll be done it's I'll be done at 60 65. what do you think would
00:34:37
be the next chapter of your life then after that yeah what do you do nothing again I'm 52. you do the thing I'm 52.
00:34:43
you're not gonna quit at 16. really yeah because I'm 52 right now I can't even imagine quitting at six days what about
00:34:48
65. no I think 70. Kevin Kneeland I'm done see you that's that's you say this but I think you're just like me in this regard you'll want to do stand-up performance or something like that until they tell you I bet there's a form of
00:35:01
podcasting when I'm like 65 70 where I can do it from the comfort of my own home yeah get the creative Outlet be
00:35:09
funny yeah we're going to want to be funny still but stand up with the traveling and like writing a new hour
00:35:15
and putting all the effort in I think like uh a while ago I was like if I could make nine hours of published stand
00:35:23
up throughout my whole career yeah then you're good I feel like I did it Justin said like almost the exact same thing
00:35:29
remember we were backstage and he goes I'm working on my six hour or something like that and he goes I think this is it
00:35:35
because he goes I want to for hours yeah he goes I want to look at it like a a discography yes and he goes I want to be
00:35:42
proud of all them and he should be all his [ __ ] is great and he was like when I'm when I reach the thing I want to be
00:35:47
at he goes then I don't put out hours anymore because you save your legacy that's what he wants because I think there is there is a little bit of that
00:35:53
of like it's like a band man when an old band comes back together like Metallica you're like can you guys stop we
00:35:59
wouldn't saw him at MetLife and I was like this is a bummer should I not go I'm gonna go see them this Sunday they
00:36:05
they're here they Rock it's just not who Metallica I'm gonna be honest do you want to go on Sunday with me I love that let's go go to the show I'm gonna say this
00:36:17
I love Metallica I've Loved Metallica my whole life for the first time seeing Metallica it
00:36:22
felt like James Hetfield was old oh no oh you felt it I I was like oh man I I love Metallica but it is it's the same like as a professional wrestling fan when you watch them get
00:36:35
too old and you're like don't get in the ring like Ric Flair you're like stop getting in the ring you don't need to get there but you want them to be
00:36:40
associated with it still right in the world somehow if they can be in a way that makes sense right in a way that
00:36:47
makes them doesn't it's it's what Jeselnik was saying like you want to leave a legacy where you're like don't
00:36:53
come back and make it [ __ ] Eddie Murphy should not come back to stand up comedy there's no Legacy
00:36:59
there's no Legacy yes there is there is no Legacy look let me see something who's one of the best Comics that died
00:37:06
in the last 10 years Patrice right yeah none of the kids know him that's not true that's not true they don't I think
00:37:12
I think okay you're naming someone who's well if you have no hours out maybe there's no Legacy uh oh that's a shot oh
00:37:19
no why did you look at me when why didn't you look at me when you said it did I tell you that I noticed that too
00:37:24
yeah you took the shots and say it yeah take the shot if you're gonna take the shot take the shot you're gonna shoot a guy in the back yeah yeah that's what you do no you shoot him you know what he did do these Sucker Punch
00:37:37
you yeah yeah he looked at you boom and punched you without even just say it you [ __ ] go ahead
00:37:43
and I was just saying the Legacy thing you know that you have to put Instagram I love how ready he's getting go ahead yeah go ahead slow down you have to put something out there to get a legacy I
00:37:57
know what I'm saying though is is that I know so many great Comics that have died
00:38:03
right sure Greg no electricity okay but what he's saying is if you've built up if you built up something no one has it in this day and age there's no in 100 years the future people are gonna go oh
00:38:15
look at um Caligula by Anthony jeselnak they're not going to say that someone might one guy who gives the [ __ ] you're
00:38:22
dead no but he's not saying it for himself [Music] take the Legacy thing out yeah as if
00:38:28
fans of yours yeah if you come see me live but that's the Jay Leno Theory that's
00:38:35
what he said yeah come see me live He's not gonna put out hours because he says just come see me live until I don't do it anymore really that's his whole thing
00:38:40
he did an interview with rolling stone or something like that where he kind they were saying how come you don't put out specials like everyone in your
00:38:45
generation is doing now like Romano put out one and he was like yeah he says come see me tonight
00:38:51
yeah he's got to go hey guys you seen this you heard about this apparently I'm gonna say like I mean I
00:38:59
mean like Legacy is this is a weird thing okay how about this when Seinfeld dies will he have a legacy I've never seen him perform I think Seinfeld should
00:39:06
not have put out that Netflix special the one where it was all the old jokes I don't think he should have done anything
00:39:13
after I'm telling you for the last time right right that was such an iconic way to close with the funeral at the end
00:39:19
yeah or at the beginning and it was like all of his classic jokes in one tight HBO special I think you hit hard what
00:39:26
when you said I sleep away with my sadness oh you brought that back yeah I'm bringing that back I know I've been
00:39:32
thinking about that just now okay yeah all right so what I'm saying is that what you did what you did
00:39:46
what you did dude yeah nope like 911 I will never forget never dude okay what you did was [ __ ] put a plane inside my body yeah two of them all right you know what and I'm falling right now dude
00:39:58
and what you did dude I'm never doing your movies last week that movie that you wanted me
00:40:04
to do it Bobby I'm gonna tell you right now a lot of people a lot of people say fancy they
00:40:11
say that he took the lessons on how to take off but never had a land yeah [Music] but let's be honest you are very this is very nine eleven because you do
00:40:31
self-implode this is what are you doing now dude nothing yeah whoa dude I'm saying you literally it just looks like maybe the planes didn't do as much damage as some of the internal inside job
00:40:46
I don't know if his comment can melt steel beams yeah [Music] and if you were around the fancy Bobby comment please check in because you
00:41:11
might have some carcinogenics blah bro though oh my God I'm never gonna forget I don't think you're gonna I don't think you'll quit I think you'll transition to something else what are you trying to drive me into a different
00:41:23
[ __ ] genre you're gonna be the best plumber and honestly I'm gonna give you this number while we're doing this podcast and they're going to get you and they're going to get you enrolled you're gonna
00:41:34
be I mean it's gonna be sick yeah yeah I think you should take it you know I'm not gonna be more serious no I'm gonna what I think you should take your music
00:41:40
ability more serious what do you you are you getting started a podcast with him no well I'd love to and what's your
00:41:47
dream though our friendship will not be uh will not be changed and this podcast won't be changed by the fact that I do support you digging deeper into your music abilities and your love of music okay it
00:42:00
is funny I want you to do it it is funny how podcasts isn't this nice I'm giving the guy a [ __ ] huge compliment yeah
00:42:06
there's nothing underneath it there's nothing underneath okay it's funny that podcasting's like The Swinging of Comedy where you go like what are you guys gonna do a podcast you
00:42:18
go like no it looks like you'd be down with that I mean we haven't really talked about it but yeah if we're just like sitting
00:42:25
around riffing you know like maybe just no I think it was a genuine compliment I
00:42:31
mean that that was yeah let me take a shot okay let me ask you something you're real though right he he produces
00:42:37
a show right kinda yeah kind of he he also has something to do with my other one too yeah right yeah he's always
00:42:44
around he's always around right yeah what how do you feel about his comment be real though the part that upset me go
00:42:51
ahead and I'm just gonna tell you this is someone that witnessed it the part that upset me was that he looked at Andrew when he said he does that and I
00:42:57
know that because when he said here's just where I was sitting okay the comment happens and I go
00:43:03
put out an hour yeah and then I went oh my God and then oh my God he's talking about
00:43:11
Bobby and I and I'm gonna tell you this right now I have felt guilty since the moment
00:43:17
you said you you thought we were teaming up on you right so I'm I'm in defense and Bobby mode and so when I noticed
00:43:23
that the shot wasn't it right it was that you that there was a gunman on the grassy Knolls yeah take an aim okay okay
00:43:31
maybe it's I've been molested okay yeah so when it's happening to you as a kid okay right yeah I know is this happening
00:43:39
yeah and you try like you're in a different fantasy in your mind like well you know I'm playing baseball with my you know my friends
00:43:45
when he was saying that to him that's what I was feeling yeah where am I so he molested your people
00:43:52
you just came in you molested his mind did you molested my mind you just came in and played with his mind penis
00:43:58
and he had to fantasize you were talking about Andrew yeah I did how dare you were talking about Santino and you're over here [ __ ] [ __ ] touching his brain dead anyway you don't feel bad about it dude I apologize sorry really
00:44:10
yeah all right we talked a little bit before you showed up by the way I want your gauge on this Bobby's got a couple of
00:44:21
the of sex toys the [ __ ] toys oh yeah the ones with the mouth have you ever done these things uh I did at moon tower
00:44:27
they gave us a flashlight yeah we all use that and I went upstairs and used it once and it made me feel like a serial
00:44:35
killer yeah cleaning it the second I was oh I didn't I [ __ ] spunking that [ __ ] and threw away
00:44:41
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restrictions apply let's stop talking about sex man okay too much sex for you yeah let's let's try it let's do an
00:46:27
exercise here bud all right okay let's go with this extreme opposite show him that clip right show him this woman look
00:46:32
at this Korean woman from the hood because Korean I ever seen since I've been here
00:46:39
what's wrong with the house phone two hour oh [ __ ] wait watch him she calls Rocky call me I've been calling you I don't know what are you with that [ __ ] that's my problem in
00:47:08
the fish is here I love her [ __ ] out there fishing this [ __ ] yeah yeah bro what was
00:47:16
the exercise what is it would you talk about something completely different what do you want to talk about Mr Kim in the
00:47:21
hood that's Mrs Kim in the hood they said she makes the best collard greens butterflies buddy
00:47:27
you know this guy yeah all right so I was before the hurricane I've been out on my patio and just in
00:47:35
the sun sure right there's a lot of butterflies out yeah okay and what I realized is that butterflies they fly
00:47:41
together and they would dance no they're mating sex dude when they're flying in tandem
00:47:47
they're amazing what did you do yeah you brought it right here and you're over here birds and bees how do you know because why are they flying
00:47:54
were they in an area Studio 54 like boom boom fun they're just [ __ ] and what did they do in studio 54. they danced so they could go [ __ ] I see which oh [ __ ]
00:48:06
you're right okay taking the air out of my chair dude okay okay look at them [ __ ] dude that's butterfly porn they do [ __ ] them
00:48:17
butterflies everything does buddy you're one of my favorite moments ever like a dad one of our favorite everything [ __ ] yeah yeah seventh grade seventh grade
00:48:24
the toughest kid in my neighborhood David Clark it's always first name last name David Clark he would always talk
00:48:30
[ __ ] to the teacher we were in Mr Coons the science class and he first off got
00:48:35
kicked out one day for just putting cart he got bored so he started putting Carmax on his shaved head
00:48:40
yeah he goes I thought it'd be funny and then one day he was like a big kid yeah this is before he got sent to military
00:48:46
school he's just sitting in science class and he goes hey Mr Coons how did we learn about
00:48:51
mosses and Moss and stuff he goes hey Mr Coons how do mosses [ __ ] like that and
00:48:57
everyone was like he's like get the hell out of here legitimate question legitimate Science
00:49:03
question he was saying that he's leaving he goes I'm sorry that's a science question that technically is the science
00:49:08
question and I realized as an adult I'm like if you phrased it different yeah it's a great question you just stayed in
00:49:14
the class yeah but that's a story of our whole lives guys like us was like man you should have just done it a different way I know what you were trying to do
00:49:20
but that's why you're think you're funny always go the other way because he kicked him out and then he went
00:49:26
now reproductive wise so you're going to answer the question you got you it's an
00:49:33
honest question you just have to get there the right way that was the thing I could never do that in school me neither that's why us guy that's why Comics yeah
00:49:39
we always were trying to find the tricky funny way to do the thing to get away with it because even though we knew we
00:49:45
were smart enough to go I know this is going to get me in trouble but it's gonna it's gonna be great and then I'm gonna tell my parents I'm just I just
00:49:52
drew a dick and gave it to the health teacher it was just a dick they gave us pictures of dicks I got suspended in
00:49:58
seventh grade because we were learning about onomatopoeias and acronyms and I was just doing like wild onomatopoeia acronyms like Splat and I
00:50:09
would like write out like a crazy [ __ ] and my teacher was like what is this it was like aliens barfing on this chair
00:50:16
and I like write this like crazy ass [ __ ] and they were like we gotta suspend you you can't be right in that and then
00:50:22
my mom was like technically you do the assignment yeah you did it yeah yeah what do you want me
00:50:28
to do lady so can I play Nintendo 64 or not are you gonna take it out of the basement or can I go downstairs and play
00:50:34
Nintendo because definitely I've still lived in the basement by the way it was the only place you the Nintendo 64 couldn't get on a second floor yeah
00:50:40
that's Subterranean game how to stay deep in a cave that's what we did when we played for some reason when we all played like games like that like like uh when we play double 07 and [ __ ] it was
00:50:52
always in the dark we would always turn off all the lights for no other reason that it was like made me feel like
00:50:57
that's what you grew up with I grew up with intellivision I mean yeah Santino and I were seniors in high school and Playstation 2 came out wow which you were like this [ __ ]
00:51:15
rules was a huge thing we liked techmobile but we had we had the advancement from your generation ours was insane I mean you guys were literally playing techno bowl and we were playing NCAA college football which
00:51:28
you could then take your guy and move him to Madden yeah you had like there was like a whole world you could play through EA Sports I I had a kid in high
00:51:36
school tonight as an element in the game get it in television and and there's an RPG but the RPG was a dot yeah that was
00:51:44
your character right oh my God and they were just walls right because he goes hey man I'm in a dungeon right now I'm always like holy [ __ ] and he goes check
00:51:53
this out and he put the dot against this like line and he hit it a couple of times he goes it's a secret room it was
00:52:00
just another little square but it was a secret room but I was like mind-boggling is there a dragon in there you know what
00:52:06
I mean it's insane that you guys grew up with a Nintendo yeah I remember those little game boy came out and I gotta I
00:52:13
got a Game Boy for my birthday and my dad was trying to do my mom so he's like yeah I bought you a bunch of games and I
00:52:19
was like let's go but he bought me Nintendo games because he thought they went into the game I remember taking
00:52:26
Mario Brothers three in my game boy going C and my dad's like all right I got it's got to be an adapter
00:52:32
you guys ever put that snake game on grew up with them I'll do I'm Advanced look at him now I saw your whole brain acting I think I
00:52:52
think the game that shocked me the most like visually that I was so into doom on PC was crazy dude on PC because I was
00:53:00
like if you remember they're all immersive the original game Doom was like it was Duke Nukem but also it's a
00:53:06
spear of destiny yes and my [ __ ] big dick Nick big dick my stepdad was super into computers and he was like oh do you want to play this game called Spear of Destiny and I was like you're shooting
00:53:18
Nazis and he was like yeah and I remember him loading that up on the computer me being like am I allowed to
00:53:23
touch this computer this is very Advanced I [ __ ] love it I love that and I love turak dinosaur hunter turret was [ __ ] red you didn't know any of those games I didn't know anything about
00:53:34
it and then and then GoldenEye comes out and you're like well that changed again Perfect Dark that was tourak dinosaur
00:53:40
hunter look at the cover zoom in look at how dope that cover is yeah 64 was for me
00:53:47
the game changer was Nintendo 1064 did do everything for me Nintendo 64 even the first Mario you're like that's the
00:53:53
future but see could they pitch that today him stabbing a dinosaur in the throat like that's that new uh Adam
00:53:58
Driver movie what uh 74 65 65. this is that's two Rock dinosaur hunter all right yeah they just did that movie where they were
00:54:09
like what if uh Adam Driver fights dinosaurs that's sick they just by the way I just saw a preview for a movie
00:54:14
that's gonna come out about uh I about GameStop the GameStop Bitcoin I heard it I heard Paul Daniels in it yeah and I
00:54:20
heard he's the star I heard it [ __ ] rich I mean it looks amazing preview one of my friends saw a screening of it and
00:54:27
said it [ __ ] it's about the Game Stop you know to the you know they were [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but it's Paul Dano Seth Rogen uh uh Pete
00:54:34
Davidson and and uh Sebastian Stan yeah yeah dude the trailer I was like holy [ __ ] and Dano he's so he's the best he's
00:54:42
so like uh small and so good at small stuff he's the he is our like uh Philip Seymour Hoffman he's like no that's a really good call he just can do everything he can be the Riddler he can
00:54:55
be a a dick wad in this and Pete is Pete Pete he's doing Pizza what he's doing no one's doing Pete better than Pete yeah Pete's peting right there I love I always love when
00:55:07
you see Pete movies because you go yeah he just wore that there yeah he's like oh no I don't feel like changing oh I
00:55:14
don't know all these quick supporters suck it is true though he's gotten away with
00:55:20
that the fight like just being him the most it's that's gotten him the furthest it's honestly for a lot of us is it's a
00:55:27
good lesson of just like be yourself more yeah it's not gonna why why change but also I was explaining that to my
00:55:33
little sister about how she's like she's saying oh so-and-so it wasn't in reference to him but it was like oh that
00:55:38
guy always does that in in whenever I see him and it's like yeah that's because they do the best at that thing
00:55:45
why would they shift I saw that Ricky Gervais said that years ago when he was like really blowing up after the office
00:55:51
and all this [ __ ] and he was like getting all those movies and stuff he was like sometimes I see people in a you
00:55:56
know he's like people criticize me they say you do the same thing he goes but sometimes I prefer someone that does the
00:56:02
same thing incredibly versus a lot of things okay yeah right he's like so I'm doing one thing but I do it the best yeah instead of Jack of all trades master and none you want you might as well just do the thing that you're the
00:56:14
[ __ ] thing when I see Danny McBride I want to see him Danny McBride yeah well that's why that's why I Will Ferrell has
00:56:21
always been Will Ferrell whether you like it or not he stayed well for 25 [ __ ] years he made George Bush
00:56:26
lovable yeah dude you like saw George W bush and you're like well I I like in my mind it's the Will Ferrell version same
00:56:33
thing well same thing growing up at Chicago Harry Mary like we knew Harry Caray as kids but when Will Ferrell did it it was like I almost remember Will
00:56:39
Ferrell more than I remember Harry Carey yeah you remember that it was just crazy impression of him who uh who I think one time flirted with my mom
00:56:46
Harry carried it yeah at a bar yeah flirted with my mom and I think uh think I might be uh that's so good Harry's boy give your boy a base
00:57:01
yeah your mom's like Oh I understand what's up with the little redhead oh oh okay all right okay here's here's the deal yeah I'm
00:57:18
being real I know when I first met you the first time that you were even in my like um visual um Range yeah was maybe a couple years ago
00:57:29
it was only about four or two it's only yeah yeah and I and I I go I I had heard
00:57:35
your name but I couldn't put a face of the name and then and then you were like I'm Dan Soder in the hallway there at
00:57:41
the store and I go oh okie dokie every time I think about I say okie dokie and then um and then years and then all of a sudden there's algorithms and stuff and then you would pop up on my thing and then
00:57:53
but then I hadn't seen you until you came to my house yeah right and I didn't know how it was gonna go yeah it went
00:58:00
excellent yeah it was very fun it was so excellent yeah and you and I have a good chemistry great and I think we respect
00:58:05
each other yeah absolutely but I think that um in my mind and in my heart what's so funny nothing why are you laughing I'm being real hey you're funny in my mind and my heart I believe that
00:58:18
you're a part of my regime you're a part of my company you're part of my uh what your troop I like that yeah I I and you're always going to be in my heart can I tell you something go
00:58:29
ahead I always uh obviously known of you uh watch you on Mad TV thank you um I was there when you hosted my first episode of Live at Gotham was the episode before yours don't remember in
00:58:43
in New York in 09 yeah so I'd always been around you but never really met you yeah you didn't meet me that night no
00:58:49
because I I didn't I didn't do well and I wanted to go get drunk oh I see okay oh those were tough yeah it sucked I hated watching them made me anxious yeah
00:59:00
um but now when I got to go do tigerbelly because I had met you in the store and I met you briefly at a
00:59:06
festival but we never really got to hung out doing going over to your house and hanging out with you then getting lunch I was like man not only do I get why everybody loves this guy but I [ __ ]
00:59:19
love this dude I'll go to war for Bobby Lee thank you I was like dude that guy [ __ ] rules if you talk to anybody
00:59:25
that I talked to after I went to Bert's house right after that yeah I was like Bobby leaves the [ __ ] man yeah we just had a great life he said yeah he
00:59:33
agreed yeah yeah he agreed okay but I'm telling you and I've Loved this [ __ ] Ginger I love this [ __ ] guy This
00:59:40
Ginger Snap and I are the same age and we just [ __ ] you know this this right here is the best it's the best the
00:59:47
future and the past it's the present I love it well I gotta tell you it's all three it's uh you're dead to me it's a goddamn Legacy Bobby I love you though
00:59:54
pork thank you for being a big friend [Music]