00:00:01
we got that merch baby look at that this listen um the other day i was watching a walk around the house and uh
00:00:07
jules was wearing oh rudy was wearing this sweatshirt and i saw the back and it made she put joy in my heart
00:00:13
there's joy in her rudy put down those knives this is an authentic
00:00:18
bad friend's sweatshirt that's right and if you want to be cool go to badfriendsmerch.com or if you're
00:00:25
on youtube look down below there's all the on the merch bar you can click on one of those sweaters uh down below or whatever else we got
00:00:31
there uh and buy yourself a rudy hoodie also i'm gonna be salt lake city uh dallas
00:00:38
uh houston boston atlantic city um and then a bunch of other stuff go to
00:00:44
andrew santino.com for dates andrew santino.com for dates yeah and i'm going to be
00:00:50
[Music] nowhere you're not doing stand-up yet yep come see me live andrew
00:00:56
are bad santino.com who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two
00:01:03
are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends watermelon sugar high
00:01:10
watermelon sugar hi guys he loves fruit watermelon who is that harry styles he
00:01:17
loves the fruit well is watermelon [ __ ] water is watermelon [ __ ] yeah because
00:01:23
kalala goes maybe it has to do with genitals watermelon sugar you know what i mean yeah well can
00:01:29
you but there's no sugar in vagina yeah there is no it's the good ones are
00:01:34
sweet i know i guess when you know what there was a picture of like a when a mangoes there's more salt i think
00:01:41
in watermelon no in [ __ ] yeah it's so much more it's more it's a salt block yeah yeah salt black
00:01:47
chocolate it's like a shirt you know what it is it's like one of those you know how like asians that they they like to put salt on their apple have you ever
00:01:52
tried that what you never yeah because it whenever a cola makes like fruits she puts salt on an apple cake
00:01:59
fruit but she slices the fruit right right just make it right and she she'll just put sprinkles salt on it
00:02:05
i've never do you do that yeah she um you know what she said to me she goes
00:02:10
when i came home last week wait time out before you get into that yeah in my life i've never heard it's not a fruit not apple it's
00:02:17
more mango and papaya okay see i get like tahin on fruit makes
00:02:22
sense because it's spicy hirono tahin what is tahini tahini is like the
00:02:27
you have you never gotten the fruit cart the the mexican guy fruit card on the corner no it's tahini i don't do fruit cards
00:02:33
what no because one time i was in hawaii and i was with my sarah highland when i was dating her rest in peace she's us still alive oh
00:02:41
she is oh [ __ ] rest in peace and um we were at the grand wirelea hotel
00:02:46
love you've been there yeah it's beautiful yeah and then back then i don't think because i i just
00:02:51
recently went there they don't have it anymore but back then when you're out there there's just some guys selling hot dogs
00:02:57
just down on the street no you're uh you're at the resort you're sitting there you know how they sell like 20 dollar ice cones
00:03:04
yeah which is crazy yeah but i'll take i do yeah i'm hot but um i'm parched and so
00:03:12
something they do was selling hot dogs there so i go i'll have a hot dog i ate it and we we right after that we
00:03:20
packed to go to the airport and we missed the flight because of the hot dog because
00:03:25
i literally couldn't um yeah move yeah you didn't mean it because it was in the hot dog what do you mean it wasn't a hot
00:03:32
dog what was it no it's what are you it's cat meat no i don't know yeah i don't know what
00:03:37
they get out there what are they why is america hawaii's not america it's the 50th one
00:03:43
it's not it is it's a part of the confederacy there's 42 states in the united states there's 50 42. oh the rest of them are
00:03:51
like uh liars like puerto rico when they the puerto rico now whenever i see puerto rico you're not an
00:03:57
american you're not they try to say oh no we're a part of the no you're not you're not and texas doesn't want to
00:04:02
be in the united states yeah they said we're we're not we will be our own country you know how we knew puerto rico wasn't when the
00:04:07
[ __ ] uh what it was the tsunami or hurricane hit right and we present through [ __ ] remember
00:04:15
their faces yeah at their faces but it would help paper towel tsunami those bounty quicker picker
00:04:21
uppers are unbelievable the amount of water that you can get on those things i love tsunamis don't you
00:04:28
i love me a good tsunami baby oh wait you reminded me when you said salt on fruit my buddy puts in the north uh east part
00:04:35
of uh the united states you know like new england all that they put cheese on pie yeah no on like
00:04:42
savory pies apple pie not apple pie they will put they will refuse a slice of cheese crazy they do it's
00:04:48
probably good incorrect you could try i try trace get us next week get us apple pie
00:04:55
and slices of it's supposed to be sharp thick tillamook cheddar cheese awesome or when you get like a dumpling
00:05:01
like sometimes we get dumplings and i'll order a bunch and then i like i'll think oh my god there's a pork pork
00:05:06
and shrimp dumpling and i'll bite into it thinking it's gonna be and it's a red bean
00:05:11
i hate [ __ ] i hate red bean already's the best it's so gross oh [ __ ] you about red beet
00:05:17
red beans let me say something right that's not at all it just doesn't taste good
00:05:23
you know what she said though what she goes um last week she comes home she goes
00:05:29
yeah and she goes the bird and tom okay yeah they're just nicer than you hey andrew
00:05:36
are you being serious wait a minute you think those guys are nicer than us no
00:05:41
i just i just like their company oh my god you don't like that burns
00:05:50
oh god i think and you don't like our company no i also like but you're going to feel like there's
00:05:56
more a little oh my god go to their show it's like i'm a vampire and they're throwing holy
00:06:01
water on my skin yeah yeah you really like those guys i just see them as like like like
00:06:08
fathers and you two are like brothers uncles uncles uh what i don't get it
00:06:16
seems the same i think uncles are always cooler yeah yeah uncles are the ones that let you get away with stuff yeah we're not gonna say they're like
00:06:22
the cooler fathers ah so we're like father's soup but not as cool
00:06:28
i guess like we like neglect our kids and stuff yeah we we go out for cigarettes and we don't come
00:06:33
back for a couple of days okay so um she likes them better uh that's a little annoying i gotta tell you because of how well we've treated you
00:06:39
and you know what i just said to bobby what did i do when i called you before we came i said last night uh uh i had a conversation with someone
00:06:45
about you leaving and going to school and she said what are you gonna do without rudy and i said i don't know that really
00:06:51
hurts my feelings i haven't really thought about it i got sad and i said i'm gonna miss
00:06:57
can i have a moment i said i'm gonna miss i'm gonna miss rudy i don't know what we're gonna do you know and then i got
00:07:04
really kind of depressed about it i and i said to him i said if she goes to uc davis maybe we can fly her down every week well first of all she got accepted to uc
00:07:10
davis give her did we say that already we didn't do it publicly and she also got accepted to what you see riverside
00:07:17
riverside what's up riverside home of the river what else home of the fighting river now so school
00:07:22
that you want to go to long beach long beach right no long beach state same thing cal state long
00:07:27
beach long beach state no long beach state and there's california what i think it's long beach state what are they the same things long beach
00:07:33
state cal state long beach i think it's uh but i think it's um just let's just google it califor
00:07:40
cal state long beach i thought it was long beach state yeah it's cal state
00:07:47
look at pete googling away pete california uni cal state long beach wow yeah you're
00:07:53
wrong i always call it long beach state oh look at there that's long beach state is also it's the same thing yeah but
00:08:01
it's the proper way to say it is cool because right on the website it says what says it's first though no no dude
00:08:06
look click on long beach look look at the actual google thing it says cal state long beach state university
00:08:12
athletics let's move on it's one of the same okay it's like i've never made it that way but that's fine you've never heard of long beach state
00:08:17
i've heard of cosplay called state long huh i used to live in long beach we call it long beach state okay that's fine um
00:08:23
that's the school you want to go to yeah but they haven't um emailed me so i think they rejected me
00:08:30
no no that's not here here's what we're going to do now i want everyone to go on their facebook page yeah we got a campaign to
00:08:36
get her accepted to cal state because if that doesn't happen she's going to go to [ __ ] uc davis i don't want that and then we're going to have
00:08:42
to replace her that's too far yeah and so here's what i also want to do is i want to do and
00:08:47
uh andreas memorize this just in case she has to move memorize this write it
00:08:54
down just memorize it all right put it in that bank of yours do not write it down put it in that memory bank don't write
00:09:00
it down anywhere don't save it so anyways we want to hold auditions
00:09:07
for to replace rudy yeah and i want her to be the judge of him oh that's great because she can only judge who replaces 100 only you so um
00:09:14
everyone submit um an audition if you li first of all you have to live in southern california the la area yeah
00:09:22
la county specifically la county la county number one number two you have to bring this is what you have
00:09:28
to bring you have to bring her essence you have which is yes um
00:09:34
island energy big island energy yeah yeah number two you have to be innocent okay a weird word but yeah
00:09:42
no why is that in it why innocence weird there's something about it she's like purely innocent she's like sleeping
00:09:47
beauty here she has knives on the wall i understand that but she hasn't used them that we know oh maybe in the middle
00:09:53
of the night she's after us killing yeah she cleans them off comes back in the studio she's like get a knife for tomorrow and then she
00:09:58
leaves how crazy would that be if she went on camera that was like a nightstalker thing in la
00:10:04
right and then i and then like at three in the morning because this is what she does this is crazy yeah and this happens
00:10:10
every [ __ ] night don't laugh every [ __ ] night this happens so kalei and
00:10:16
i are sleeping and we're here like an alarm ring right and
00:10:23
you can let it go for an hour she won't wake up it's in her room it's in her room next
00:10:29
to her face yeah the literally
00:10:34
it's a double bed right so she you know she's a scrawny body so it's like right next to her head right yeah and she has two dogs sleeping with her
00:10:42
in bed and dogs sleep in the bed yeah and when i go into the room to tell her turn it off the dogs are off they're up
00:10:48
turn up the alarm clock please [ __ ] it up right well and i go jules this is how you sleep
00:10:54
jewels jewels turn the [ __ ] alarm okay and she i don't know this i go back into
00:11:02
the room 15 15 minutes later this goes on all night long so what time does this
00:11:08
start one in the morning why why i set my alarm to
00:11:13
one two three four five six why because i don't wake up at the sound
00:11:20
of it so i need to hear it a lot of times you gotta go to therapy something is deeply deeply wrong one two
00:11:27
three four four five six seven i would make you sleep outside if you lived at my house you're in the
00:11:32
garage and her room's right next to ours that we share a wall oh wow it's a nightmare nightmare why do you do that that's i've
00:11:39
never heard of my life i don't know yeah well we got a whole we gotta hold on to a replacement
00:11:44
here's another thing right why do you sleep with three lights on you sleep with the
00:11:52
lights not just the lights she has a [ __ ] lamp on the room lights right and a nightlight
00:11:58
jewels what are you doing with the alarm because i can't i can't wake up with the alarm and i'm
00:12:04
afraid i'm gonna sleep in so i need the light she also has a
00:12:10
problem she asked this and you have to admit this okay you have a sleeping problem yeah no [ __ ]
00:12:16
no there's no one she's waiting like well she has a real condition she'll sleep all night long and she'll sleep
00:12:23
all day long just like you no you sleep you sleep
00:12:28
10 hours 12 hours she sleeps about 15 16 hours she's got you beat yeah yeah what's
00:12:33
wrong i don't know i always feel tired why do you always feel tired are
00:12:39
you sad no takaya said because i sleep a lot so it makes you feel more tired it probably does yeah you
00:12:45
should you should set in a lot you should only get like six to eight hours i don't i just i've never heard of that before in my life auditions
00:12:52
of sleeping that much and not being able to just like get to sleep and stay asleep and then when you get to sleep
00:12:58
what wait what wakes you up at the kalila's voice yeah do you ever wake up like this do
00:13:04
you have those no no panic sleeps no here's another thing that she does
00:13:10
sorry but um she farts in her sleep no she never farts i fart yeah but i
00:13:15
don't hear she always goes i farted and nobody knew no no no one
00:13:20
knew when you fart did the dog sniff it sometimes all the time my dog why just they dart right for it yeah
00:13:27
just and the dogs are like yes my breath yeah see the
00:13:32
the you [ __ ] talk to me do you think that
00:13:37
i have bad breath sometimes honestly this six-foot thing because of the pandy has served our relationship
00:13:43
well very well no dude you don't have bad breath you have nice teeth smile look at the camera and smile
00:13:48
[Laughter] the how'd the show go last night it was
00:13:54
fun i had a good i had a really good time these are doing these shows back as who would you want to was it skyler or was this uh
00:14:00
um mark mark uh no no mark hayes saratella is another
00:14:06
show do you do the saratellum ones yeah in hollywood they're outside the houston brothers yeah two guys that own uh this is mark oh
00:14:11
mark hayes does the show where he's got one too they all do him at the west side of the jam in the van and then they do uh then they they have other ones
00:14:18
elsewhere but is there a crowd yeah how many well the one in hollywood's like a 150
00:14:23
yeah this other one's maybe 70. i can't really it's outside it's a small outside thing
00:14:29
it's nice i i honestly it's so nice to be back and to be trying new jokes oh god i get called every [ __ ] day
00:14:36
now just do it i can't why it's brennan was there last night good comics
00:14:42
are doing them sarah silverman was there like yeah like accomplished comedians they'll
00:14:47
do all they'll do all of them i've done jam with them i've done nova i've done both so sarah was there yeah sarah was there
00:14:52
she she did it um rory albanese me sarah uh well last
00:14:58
night wasn't they weren't there but that was the other show i did with them but brennan was there last night ian edwards is there last night yeah man speaking of schuyler he called
00:15:06
me we should call him he's got like the you want to talk about crazy energy this guy he's i can't even talk to him right now
00:15:12
why are you mad at him well i'll just can i just say something i did the other day to him yeah before you call him yeah of course
00:15:18
but don't bring it up i won't i don't know if i should say this but say it so we do an aaa meeting together
00:15:26
and oh well he's publicly sober uh yes and he'll do so he's he leads the meetings so he calls on
00:15:32
people oh boy there's like 20 people yeah he always calls me last yeah to give you time no no no because
00:15:39
everyone would get only you you're on timers you talk for two minutes but i'm saying he's giving you time to
00:15:44
think about what you're going to say that's i want to sleep i want to speak speak early people tune out they just say that i want to speak early no he doesn't so
00:15:50
you say people tune out because you want people to hear your story i have funny things to say nah i know see yeah it's a show it's a
00:15:56
set you're doing a set well always always i only try to get the laugh that's why i think a lot of comics gets sober so they can go do sets in front of
00:16:03
aa people yeah there's a lot of great comics on this you know i mean the zoom a meeting like legends oh right that's right it's
00:16:09
zoom yeah so what i do is i'll do this right when he's about to call me to go last
00:16:14
i'll leave so dead like a baby you just walk out i just leave the zoom
00:16:20
meeting and then i'll text him i'll go yeah my battery was a liar what is this uh it's theo vaughn uh
00:16:27
calling you guys out again these guys it's over but it's dumb you guys want to move past that or you
00:16:32
want well i mean it's like i want to hear what he [ __ ] says but what does he say it's like a high school
00:16:39
[ __ ] football team going we can beat the uh patriots we already won yeah yeah what are you we're
00:16:44
[ __ ] the we're monsters what does he say you guys are bad friends
00:16:51
get the [ __ ] out of here you guys are both two guys that i told i wouldn't do podcasts with that's who you guys wanted
00:17:00
so let's [ __ ] yeah
00:17:10
he's not even awake right now and it's 4pm in the afternoon that's funny can you imagine doing a
00:17:17
podcast with theo well first of all um what he said
00:17:22
when he said that both of us right have asked me to do and and never i swear to god on my
00:17:29
mother's life sure and she's the only one i have right now yeah and me i've never asked he's the last guy
00:17:37
i would ever do first of all you would never get one done yeah you mean i don't know man i don't
00:17:43
know i've been oklahoma man doing casino or you know or i'm with [ __ ] you know some ufc
00:17:48
fighters you know he hangs out with you yeah i'm with corey san hagen
00:17:53
hey i love by the way i like him a lot no he's he's really close no he's really close yeah san hagen's
00:17:59
the [ __ ] he's really close with uh um uh what's the kid from louisiana what's wrong with my wife
00:18:05
uh yeah dustin poirier dustin poirier yeah he loves him uh that is a funny clip i love schultz
00:18:11
uh that is about you two are bad for you making fun of our our show that's funny dude yeah that's why you [ __ ] ran away to nashville
00:18:17
um i got to go to nashville to get away from all this l.a chaos man
00:18:25
shut up yeah shut up he's here i'm gonna see him tonight or tomorrow he's back in l.a he comes to la every
00:18:32
five seconds a guy spending [ __ ] 800 grand a year on plane flight these [ __ ] it's like you know everyone's
00:18:38
i'm getting texts from comics i love these shows idiots yeah everybody wants to move to austin no and it's like
00:18:44
well there's no comedy scene and i like why because joe wrote i like he's the king no he's i don't
00:18:50
want to attack him no that is not like it's like there's so many other
00:18:55
hacks yeah right and new ones come on it's like at least comics is not dead
00:19:00
the whole thing is so cocky in the words of bill burr bill burst at it best he goes dude only one of those guys has a hundred million dollars and i was like
00:19:06
yeah that's right yeah the only one of those guys is retiring he's not moving is he no he that's what he's saying what would he move for
00:19:12
yeah he he has a wife and kids here like yeah yeah i get why something we got
00:19:18
there's certain people we have to convince to stay though well bill's got to stay bill's got to stay i think uh who else
00:19:24
i'm sad that tommy segura and uh christina perry i know that's sad i said goodbye to the crew i think burke's got to stay bert will stay
00:19:31
he loves la yeah he does like natasha like girls like natasha they're gonna stay mosha
00:19:41
sebastian will stay said yeah you think sebastian will stay 100 yeah yeah they love it here like what's
00:19:48
yeah what i you know it's just the whole idea of like this house is like it's not a house it's it's it's a
00:19:54
compound that's the compound it's an institution yeah yeah it's it's like when you they
00:20:00
have a school you know you drive by like you know a a city building you know i mean like
00:20:05
capital or you know i mean that's where he lives it's it it's insane is that the hall of records
00:20:11
no that's not yet he you know he lives where um gwen stefani used to live yeah he bought their house
00:20:16
yeah and you go you've been there right jules big it's really big yeah yeah yeah it's just
00:20:23
so much money it's so much money i don't know if i'd ever spend a ton of money on a house like that yeah you would that's a lot of money you
00:20:29
know what i would if i i would never even get that much money but even if i did i'd be like that seems like so much to buy a house i would do what um
00:20:35
craig ferguson did yeah you know what he did no if you go to his place he bought four
00:20:41
houses and just enclosed the whole [ __ ] thing so he made it if you go through the gate then you see houses and you're like he
00:20:48
owns all of it wow and then you know who else is doing that is um the director uh we did um
00:20:55
what's his name he's one of the biggest directors in the world christopher nolan oh yeah nolan is doing
00:21:02
he bought four houses and then just kind of enclosed it wouldn't you do that i don't know and
00:21:07
then we could all live together you wouldn't want to live with me i would want to live on the same land as
00:21:13
you not in the same house no no we would have a different house right yeah but do wouldn't that be nice
00:21:18
who would live in our little plot oh it'd be great it'll be you in one house a couple of canceled guys so we can protect them
00:21:25
we i've always wanted to protect some people you are a protector yeah yeah okay um the one thing that i you know
00:21:32
the pandemic was terrible for me and for many many other people but the one thing that i um
00:21:38
found solace and is it the right word solace is right yeah yeah is um better help uh it really i i got
00:21:45
into therapy and it really changed my life for the better is there something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from
00:21:50
achieving your goals i'm sure there are a lot of things but i'm gonna you have hope better help is there for you we'll
00:21:57
assess your needs and it'll match you with your own licensed professional therapist you can start communicating
00:22:03
in under 48 hours it's a great service my friends yeah better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches
00:22:08
so they can make it easy for you to change counselors if need be uh they want you to start living a
00:22:13
happier life today bob and i have talked about this very openly we both use therapy we believe in it yeah um this is this is uh professional
00:22:20
counseling this is real and it's and it's uh by the way it's a little bit cheaper than traditional offline counseling you
00:22:26
can do this from anywhere you are into world from the comfort of your own home yeah um this podcast is sponsored by
00:22:32
betterhelp and bad friends listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com bad friends
00:22:37
again that's betterhelp.com bad friends hey andrew yes i also want to pull up um
00:22:44
this is my doordash app yeah and these are the things i order oh let me see what i ordered so i ordered uh best damn
00:22:49
burritos from march 26th morton steakhouse on january 19th
00:22:56
uh so dong dong i don't know what that is but my point though being dong murakomi udon old spaghetti factory
00:23:03
you know it says load more i'll tell you why i showed this because i use this app dude look at my i love this app
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chick-fil-a wing stop yeah chick-fil-a again i'm fat so anyway
00:23:15
doordash is incredible i asked you guys something did you forget that one thing at the store now you can get snacks drinks and
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subject to change terms apply 2021 bad friends 2021. did you see trevor
00:24:23
noah's house google trevor noah's house you know he bought like a 24 million dollar house yeah 24 million dollars
00:24:31
why look at that thing look at the [ __ ] size of that thing where is it in l.a beverly hills i
00:24:38
imagine he lives in l.a now yeah 27.5 million dollar belair home 27
00:24:46
million dollars my god i tweeted i wrote comedy central is paying yeah how come i never got any of
00:24:52
that money i think for my half hour they gave me like a hundred bucks yeah and i slept at a marriott courtyard
00:24:57
i knew poor not poor he um
00:25:03
i was in south africa you met him in south africa well you know the story between me and trevor right no so i was in south africa
00:25:11
and um he he has said this out loud also in front of people so it doesn't i feel
00:25:18
weird sharing this go on so i was in south africa with um pablo francisco
00:25:25
jeff dunham we're doing some sort of festival sure comedy festival and every show it
00:25:31
would play this is right when comedy was kind of new in south africa so it's like
00:25:37
every show that you would do it was sold out packed totally you do a coffee shop and it was just like
00:25:42
the rafters would be filled like people would be looking through windows on top you know what i mean on that rooftop i mean was insane
00:25:49
and we would do every night we would do this theater that was like 2000 2500 seats or whatever every night
00:25:56
for like 30 days straight back to vacation yeah it was crazy wow how much time would you each do 15
00:26:02
15 minutes yeah yeah it's not bad and but we would have always had this kid on it
00:26:07
yeah trevor noah yeah and he would crush at the time he was just a local nobody knew him no he would have he was like
00:26:14
known in south africa because like you would go down a street and there would be like a german watch company and trevor noah
00:26:21
would be the model right and he he had this german like supermodel girlfriend
00:26:26
and he had um he had money really the biggest guy in south africa but he would honor his nicest guy he was
00:26:33
on our shows so funny and so nice and um
00:26:39
i just go dude do you have reps and he goes no matt you know how many
00:26:46
reps so i called caa for him yeah and you got him signed with you so
00:26:53
i called c.a and i called matt blake and i go um there's this kid he's like i'm not gonna [ __ ] sound african to
00:26:59
see this kid and i go all right so then like months later or whatever when i'm back in
00:27:04
america i get in contact with trevor trevor goes i'm doing a gig in las vegas
00:27:11
so i go matt you got to go see this kid i met one song he flew out and saw him and then he
00:27:16
signed him wow so matt blake owes you commission and then when i when trevor got the
00:27:24
daily show i try to get a correspondence audition not a chance no not a chance you don't
00:27:32
that i don't see you in a suit on that show at that time i needed something i know
00:27:37
but you wouldn't be good on that show all right i'm just saying give me a shot okay look
00:27:42
into that camera and do let's do it let's do it no i know because i i
00:27:47
remember because what well i'll tell you why i thought he was a correspondent no i was doing
00:27:53
um you know larry wilmore of course they flew me to new york to
00:27:59
audition for that show because they love you no so i it was the same type of you know job right like a correspondency
00:28:06
kind of a job and i tested you know i mean in front of all of comedy central and larry was there but could you new york
00:28:13
and i did okay yeah you because you're funny yeah so it's like i just thought i had nothing else going
00:28:19
you're right i'm not right for it you'd be terrible on that job [Music]
00:28:24
like unless they needed like a tornado why could it be weatherman they don't
00:28:29
have weather to come up with a different like correspondence weather go yeah go it's going to be sunny out in la
00:28:37
and there's going to be um earthquakes sell it sell it
00:28:42
sell it into the camera no see i'm not doing this you would be bad on that i would be that's why i'm so shy now
00:28:47
you're not shy oh my god i'm shining you know really you're shy i've seen your butthole outside
00:28:53
anyway so then you know years passed and um i thought maybe he just kind of forgot about me
00:29:00
yeah you know i mean yeah i'm so proud of him by the way and then um
00:29:05
i was with dalia and we were at a caa um christmas party
00:29:11
and he rolls up and i remember like my manager being there and a bunch of people being there and
00:29:16
he walks into this party he sees me i haven't seen him since that well since yes since south africa
00:29:23
wow and and i remember like i'm not kidding you jennifer aniston was like standing
00:29:28
right here there was like people just standing around and he just kind of walks in and he goes
00:29:33
there he is to me and he tells the story about him getting signed because of you
00:29:40
i don't know yeah how i helped him and all that kind of stuff right yeah and it made me feel like um
00:29:46
i wanted to cry that's really sweet i mean it was a nice you know and then he got in a jet pack and took off
00:30:01
he deserves that whatever that is that is i mean do you want a 27 million dollar home just because i lived with
00:30:06
other people yeah he lives with one a girl one in there that's how much do you need
00:30:12
would you buy a house that big jewels if you had all that money not that big what's that how much money would you
00:30:17
spend on a house not a million million yeah what are we talking is
00:30:23
a hundred thousand big hundred thousand dollars would probably get you a closet in that house
00:30:30
no what a hundred thousand dollars it would probably get you a nice tent
00:30:35
from rei that you could throw up underneath the 101 yeah i mean it would be maybe a porta
00:30:41
potty and maybe a nice you would get a sleeping bag a canteen a little grill heater yeah a grilled heater yeah
00:30:47
right and then and then maybe like on my pillow on my pillow you could get in my pillow no you love that guy you love that guy
00:30:53
oh you got a cricket wireless phone that i'm sure you could call some people on from i think it's noon to six as their only time that they work
00:30:59
new balance socks new balance socks yeah yeah double layered double
00:31:05
how much is a car do you know how much a car is fifty thousand fifty dollars so you're saying a car is
00:31:11
fifty thousand and you can buy a house for a hundred thousand yeah i don't know could you get it could
00:31:16
you get a change of this crazy could you get a trailer for a hundred thousand maybe oh yeah yeah of course you could
00:31:22
yeah you could oh trailer would be nice no you could live in a nice trailer that's fine see no
00:31:28
no you wouldn't be you know what yes she would no because i know that she's a dog lover you can have dogs you have
00:31:33
tons of dogs in the trailer she's two years um i don't want a yard
00:31:38
where's what state of the united states do you want to live in i want to go to um san francisco that's
00:31:44
still in the same state yeah that's a little cheap yeah the city of san francisco 100 grand i think it's the cheap one of the cheapest places to live right now
00:31:50
that's four months of rent no 100 yeah maybe three maybe two and a half two hours security deposit you're done you're you
00:31:56
have one month maybe the last month free so yeah you get you'll get june taken care of yeah we have prob
00:32:03
our dogs are such a problem isn't it a problem one of my dogs is eyes [ __ ] [ __ ] up
00:32:09
and then i think it's internal bleeding i [ __ ] it up you hit it no why you hit with a car
00:32:15
with your how was it the window oh he was driving no i um i saw a dog one time and
00:32:21
hollywood jumped out the back of a truck when it was moving and it scared me yeah jump right out of the back of a truck did it did it live
00:32:27
yeah i never said and stick around i had a meeting i saw i used to see i should drive by
00:32:33
every once in a while like a dog on the freeway that was here and i used to feel nothing not a thing
00:32:40
because i'm the one that hit it no what i don't know um
00:32:46
because this is when i have you ever had an animal with your car oh yeah what have you hit i've probably killed
00:32:51
about six rabbits rabbits rabbits are fine i'm fine with it maybe one cat in my life
00:32:58
cat that's sad that's sad it's bad i i hit a human yeah i hit a human too yeah yeah you
00:33:04
really hit it again i did i hit a guy yeah yeah i hit a guy in the rain fought fast pretty fast i was going
00:33:10
pretty fast was he hospitalized as far as i know i was gone so i don't oh hit run i did not stick around no no i did stay
00:33:18
he was he he left the scene i swear to god he was acting real skittish and his body was like we gotta go i was
00:33:23
like hold on wait the ambulance is coming i called the police i want to make sure you're okay he's like we gotta go man they were kind of uh transients
00:33:29
and they had bags and but i hit him pretty hard i hit him so hard his head shattered my witch like glass in my face
00:33:35
i had little pieces of glass i cut my face did i ever talk about how i hit that guy no what guy
00:33:41
oh he was paralyzed from the waist out you paralyzed the guy don't laugh jesus it was so shocking
00:33:49
you smoked a guy with your car i think he's he can walk now oh he got it back well he has a limp he's a limp he drags
00:33:56
his leg oh he's a dragon yeah you're the dragon i was um this is so [ __ ] crazy well car the
00:34:02
prius no this is way back when i was a kid so this is this is in the 80s okay
00:34:09
and um so what i went to so when i was 17 i got
00:34:16
sober yeah so i would go to these meetings and i had this really just white truck but it was like the windows
00:34:22
were broken the engine was it would always explode it was like it was hard to get started it was a [ __ ] up car what brand
00:34:29
toyota oh yeah what do you mean ah you know so i was going so i was at this meeting
00:34:34
and um i don't know if illegally i'll [ __ ] it i could sue it again um
00:34:40
the cops aren't listening right so i one cop so this this meeting was in the hill i
00:34:45
was coming down this hill it was at night and i was taking a right but there was no stop sign
00:34:50
there was a stop sign but it was like mowed over so that's what the when the cops came uh yeah but still i
00:34:56
should have known that the because there was another you know street this way right right you want to
00:35:02
take a right right so i took a ride and i didn't stop i just went i just i
00:35:08
think i just accelerated and i'm like this and i always hear is a spark
00:35:13
i see a spark in my rearview window mirror from the back of my truck and then i
00:35:19
just see a body being hurled in front of my [ __ ] car it was a guy on a bike yeah yeah and i so you do what you
00:35:27
normally do in that situation yeah you accelerate right and then i
00:35:32
hear right which you do right yeah right and then i go
00:35:40
and i just kept going bob i know it's bad where is he now well then then i pull over and i look
00:35:47
and it's just like it's like mad max oh he's in bad shape i
00:35:53
mean it's just like his motorcycles and pieces in the street i just see this body laying in the middle of the street did
00:35:59
his shoes come off and i did a cackle you laughed not just laugh it was like a
00:36:06
mad because i thought oh i'm going to prison for the rest of my life so might as well get it out now so i just
00:36:12
laughed because i like this is my life so i'm like like the joker you're being like a crazy
00:36:18
person right like a hyena in the night right imagine what he's thinking he's laying there
00:36:29
he's like kill me just take me out so i get out and you know your adrenaline is pumping right so like
00:36:34
i grab his body why because i wanted to pull him he's in the middle of the street
00:36:39
yeah but you're not supposed to touch the people that i don't know the rules that's the rule all right but i don't know so i'll pull him on the side of the
00:36:45
street i start i don't know why but i started grabbing motorcycle parts i mean like yeah i'm trying to fix it
00:36:53
well i think i'm asian i can do it you know what i mean you know maybe you can rebuild it yeah yeah so trying to put
00:37:00
things together what does this do you don't need to try to put it together and i just from
00:37:06
the ambulance coming all that stuff and then did you talk to him did you say anything no it's all right i didn't see you know what did he say
00:37:15
the blood in his mouth did he sue you so then what happens is
00:37:23
the next thing i know oh so what happened that night because we had no cell phones back then right so i went to the nearest pay phone and
00:37:30
i'm pretty quarter my hands are bloody i'm putting quarters i'm 17 years old by the way
00:37:36
yeah i'm in high school yeah and i called my dad hello he was sleeping
00:37:44
yeah and i go dad i ran somebody oh that's your problem like he didn't even like most parents
00:37:50
would be like you know what i mean oh my god what do we do what do we do can we get there this isn't any hung up yeah that's your problem
00:37:57
he's right i hung up right that's your problem oh [ __ ] right and then um my truck was fine the truck was okay
00:38:03
yeah yeah thank god i mean it was dense but there was always dense you know look at my prius terrible shape so i went home and then
00:38:11
um the next couple years i end up like
00:38:16
every other week just being in court rooms and meeting lawyers and
00:38:22
insurance so you got sued i was in trouble how much did i mean did you have a million dollars you got what from my insurance from
00:38:29
insurance what did you end up would you have to pay i don't remember half a million yeah yeah personal injury [ __ ] but then
00:38:35
i found out through my lawyer and he goes that guy was a bad guy no so you
00:38:41
should've killed him i go why and he goes i don't remember this it was like either
00:38:46
he was charged with the rape right or some sort of molestation
00:38:51
yeah he was like some kind of guy that had a big criminal record so that was the way i was able to go
00:39:00
i'm okay with that you feel okay yeah that was a tool for god god said i'm gonna actually god tried to
00:39:07
have you kill him and you maybe yeah maybe i didn't succeed in the mission i saw you know how many people get hit on
00:39:13
bicycles down there in in orange county and san diego's insane because all those windy turns and they're oh i see them
00:39:18
all the time last time i was at la jolla comedy store a guy got [ __ ] hit smoked and died like the the friday before the show
00:39:25
i was coming back from golfing with a friend in northern san diego and they had the road clothes you know
00:39:30
that via whatever that is to get down to the store you know what i mean down to to get up to um what's it called what's
00:39:36
the neighborhood at the store and um and they had closed the road because a
00:39:41
guy had got hit on his bicycle and i it just happened you know like soon enough they hadn't cleaned up yeah
00:39:47
wow this [ __ ] dude's bicycle was maybe 50 yards away from where the body was oh my lord 50 half a
00:39:54
football field half of a house half a house wow the house is 150 yeah he hit him so [ __ ] hard and
00:40:02
his shoes came off that's why i asked you their shoes come off all the time they do people get hit by cars their shoes come off wow yeah i can tell why
00:40:09
why because you're flying things come off yeah but shoot me when dorothy was flying in the whirlwind and whatever her
00:40:14
shoes stayed on they did yeah well look at my shoes are so tight they couldn't these wouldn't come off if i could yeah
00:40:19
these would fall off though i don't know why your story brought this up but and i had
00:40:25
just gotten a haircut and my hair was like a mushroom you had bangs no it was like a mushroom like well on magic
00:40:31
i was so mad yeah yeah but like that i was playing a character then you're always literally had this like
00:40:36
mushroom haircut and i remember being so mad like even like they didn't want to go down to la jolla i'm like
00:40:42
i can't go down there with this haircut and you're like don't be a [ __ ] bro right so we drive down there and it's
00:40:47
like night it's like 7 p.m or whatever yeah and um we're driving down gerard
00:40:52
street or whatever or pearl street pearl pearl yeah and there was this kid in the corner
00:40:58
of pearl he's wearing a skateboard and he does this he goes
00:41:07
and i just so i was so sensitive about my [ __ ] haircut right i go chris popova right and i run out
00:41:14
right this kid the car right and then once i get to the kid i realize a kid's
00:41:20
like 6'3 he's a man yeah but he's a kid a kid but a man yeah he had like he was
00:41:25
a huge kid but i was like still like i'm gonna die but
00:41:30
are you racist you know i mean you like racism you know like i didn't know what to say
00:41:36
right don't be racist please and i kind of walked away if he was smaller though i think i would have gotten a what were you going to do
00:41:42
punch him oh that's true yeah what a waste yeah what would you do to the skateboard
00:41:47
could steal a skateboard i guess yeah see you it's so funny as a guy you've never like
00:41:52
experienced that type of thing racism yeah well people make fun of me
00:41:59
that's i mean they're not the same though i don't think it's the same because i was made fun of because of my
00:42:04
personality and who i was as a person okay but like making fun of you because you're asian is making fun of you because it's
00:42:10
something you can't help right like i have red hair i got made fun of constantly for having red hair i can't help that
00:42:16
oh that's true you know yeah yeah it's not like getting picked on for something that i could i could service or change
00:42:21
but do you get angry you you so you get like into yourself like oh what like you at nights i used to hate it it
00:42:28
used to drive me nuts as a kid yeah as anything does when you're a kid yeah but then i just then you grow up and
00:42:33
you're like i don't i couldn't care it doesn't matter once you find how little you but i'm but i'm not saying
00:42:39
it's the same as someone being like that's not the same yeah yeah but we all get
00:42:44
picked on for something did you ever get picked on jules um there's this guy in school and then
00:42:50
what's his [ __ ] name here or in the philippines here what what what
00:42:56
who is it but he wouldn't i don't [ __ ] care give me his name google him pete what's this yes i don't know his name
00:43:03
yeah you do i are a guy at school you know you know he was just a classmate from english and then
00:43:09
he was a classmate from english good google very good pete very good so go ahead and then he just asked me um
00:43:17
like what are you and i said filipino and then i don't know i i have an accent
00:43:23
and then he imitated a filipino accent oh but not on the left and now did did did
00:43:30
this filipino accent get a laugh no i didn't laugh it was just her it was just to you yeah
00:43:36
and then we were seated to him because i i didn't want to fight so i
00:43:41
just like ha ha so you did laugh it's not allowed like a genuine laugh that's a really
00:43:48
[ __ ] you know unenthusiastic laugh yeah and then i didn't um like talk to
00:43:55
him again what's his first name you don't need to say his life i don't know i don't know
00:44:00
isaac isaac his name was isaac yeah google isaac from english class yeah so and then you
00:44:08
had to sit next to him every day for that year yeah but i didn't talk to him like he would try to talk to me and
00:44:14
then oh you know this is he has a crush on you that's what it is that's a clear if he continued to talk to you after
00:44:19
he's like where are you from and you're like i'm from the philippines he's like oh that's weird and then he went home at night and was like learned everything
00:44:25
about the [ __ ] philippines and got obsessed because he has a crush on you that's why he wanted to talk to you this is the loser young weirdo uh what
00:44:32
do they call the kids that are uh what are they called in cells in cells yeah yeah
00:44:37
yeah that's him there he is there he is and look at that pete found him is that him yeah that's him yeah you
00:44:43
guys you guys see this guy it was like no he was ugly yeah stitch fix oh my lord hey my problems
00:44:50
are over yeah because now you don't have to go shopping i don't have to shop online it's just a hassle shopping is annoying yeah yeah and once
00:44:57
you fill out the form it's the the little form there it's easy you tell stitches you have a guy
00:45:02
you know what i mean or a girl or a human just a person yeah they pick out things and they
00:45:09
generally pick out things for you that you wear and you want yeah and it's really it's nice i kept
00:45:14
jeans two shirts and one pair of chews so far and am i past uh how much money i
00:45:19
thought i was gonna spend yeah uh yeah but you know what it's nice stuff i don't really care at first i was like oh i wonder if i'm gonna like any of it i
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oh my god without raycons my ears would be so depressed that's right i need i need my wraith
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it's my favorite wireless earbuds when i go running pop-pop i pop them in pop them in and i go right and you get um
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you're paying for these overpriced earbuds that people are losing all the time uh and if you don't like having wires
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out of their ears no thanks they also look great they're really sleek uh they're water and sweat resistant which is really really cool because i take them
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00:47:25
it's funny like think about like what you were like at 19. me yeah the things i was doing at 19 and
00:47:32
all the history that i had before 19. what was 19 sophomore in high school or i mean in college
00:47:38
yeah in high school college yeah i mean i was wild i mean i was i was in college being
00:47:44
a [ __ ] maniac but i was also um i mean okay by the time you were 19 right let me ask you something yeah
00:47:51
had you smoked weed yeah had you been drunk before a thousand times cocaine no any lsd or anything
00:47:59
acid mushrooms a lot right a lot of mushrooms i only had acid twice yeah i did like by the time i was on i'd
00:48:05
probably done 60 hits of acid that's a i've only done two twice i've only done two tabs oh i've done math
00:48:11
before at 19. never did math and that's obvious prostitutes i've had no yeah no sucked dicks didn't never did
00:48:19
you got me beat yeah molested didn't happen yeah yeah no sorry so imagine now i look at then when
00:48:26
i see when i see her every day yeah i think wow what a nice life she gets straight
00:48:33
a's that's where innocent came from yeah that's why i say innocent you know because you've never had a drink of alcohol 19. i did i tried to weed when did you
00:48:41
try weed at mommy's face
00:48:46
when when what last year with roger what really you smoked weed last year
00:48:53
with roger how much three did you get high no sometimes
00:48:59
people don't get high yeah she you took three hits yeah three hits yeah did you inhale it yeah breathe in your
00:49:06
lungs i don't think she did some people don't inhale and then they're like i'm not high it's like well you're not smoking yeah i did rogers saw me do you want to
00:49:12
do it again yeah because i want to feel the high you want to feel all you do you know what i you know can we get some
00:49:17
weed flying some weed you know grace you know what drugs is acid because acid's fun
00:49:22
because for the first 45 minutes you don't feel anything right you're like this drugs like the
00:49:28
first time this drug sucks and then and then
00:49:33
yeah yeah i like when things get pixelated on acid when it becomes like kind of like minecraft that's and a lot of people
00:49:39
want to go to like people always go like let's take acid and go into the desert nope or the forest nope i'm a mall guy
00:49:46
yeah i like going to the mall that's cool because i like seeing people's teeth and eating walking around and it's
00:49:53
just so [ __ ] i everything becomes like cartoony for me yeah see i like that but then i saw a demon once in my room and i [ __ ]
00:50:00
oh my god dude i was [ __ ] i had this duran duran right poster in my room yeah of rio you
00:50:07
know that one woman yeah right bring it up so people see what they're like yeah so
00:50:12
i was it had a bad trick i was sitting there and all of a sudden the walls started closing in on me i hate that
00:50:18
right and then the rio yeah so dude yeah so she's right i had that on my wall right
00:50:24
and she was just like this right and i was gonna show you she looked so easy she went and she came
00:50:31
out of the [ __ ] poster poster and she was red with [ __ ] wing and she was coming toward me and i was
00:50:38
in the corner of my room my dad come in hey what are you doing be
00:50:43
quiet try to sleep [Laughter] yeah man are you afraid of the real
00:50:48
poster yeah yeah i one time i did mushrooms at a concert and i came home and i
00:50:54
thought the mushrooms were done yeah like i was like these are done these are out of my body yeah so i but i laid in bed and i
00:50:59
couldn't sleep like it might come down was just started it was just i was anxious and shaky yeah and i was like oh so i laid down on
00:51:06
the floor right and i remember thinking to myself just go to sleep just go to sleep it's okay you can just go to sleep this get your this is over
00:51:12
you're going to be fine come on come on get up go to sleep i did this for what i thought was
00:51:17
[ __ ] hours i mean hours i had tossed and turned and tossed and turned i put on a sweater i took up a sword i got cold i got too hot toss and turn and
00:51:23
toss and turn and toss and turn and finally i i lift i stood up to go piss to go to my bathroom piss my mom who had
00:51:31
saw me come in was still up cleaning up in the kitchen yeah yeah she was like what are you doing i was like oh i did i can't sleep
00:51:37
she's like what do you mean i was like i've been tossing and turning all night yeah it's like you've been home for 15 minutes
00:51:42
and i was like oh in my mind i was like this has been all
00:51:48
night i thought it was hours had gone by yeah and i went and sat in the [ __ ] bathroom i sat on the toilet
00:51:53
just staring until my body finally got tired and then i went to bed it would that sometimes the come down from
00:51:58
mushrooms i i don't enjoy yeah acid's not like that but yeah acid
00:52:04
kind of ends and then you feel a little blue for the next whatever it's like
00:52:10
it's like a meth come down what's meth i don't know what those are like three three days you can't eat or
00:52:16
sleep you feel like it's constantly and then when you come down on it it's like the worst feeling man it's like you
00:52:23
sleep for like 24 hours oh it's terrible you just feel chemicals in your body how do you flush
00:52:29
it out how do you get rid of any of that stuff i don't know i mean i would do it now by going to spa probably but you know
00:52:34
sweat it out but i have to say about this real thing is is that i don't know if it was the acid that the
00:52:41
demon or something because you know i've been possessed in that room bobby you were not possessed yes i was
00:52:48
you were not okay did you know about the possessions yes in my house yes but you're not you
00:52:53
were not possessed i don't but my brother was possessed as well they almost got a shaman
00:53:00
don't see i you know that's what i don't like about you that's the role of the eyes yeah yeah you were possessed dude one time my eyes flickered back
00:53:08
i'm not kidding why are you laughing i don't like your i don't like your tone i just you're being rude
00:53:21
[Music]
00:53:28
let me see it what happened i was in the bed i opened my eyes and i go i can't move
00:53:34
your whole body it was a saturday i wasn't on drugs right you weren't on drugs no nothing
00:53:39
right i can't move and all of a sudden i felt heat on my chest
00:53:45
and i couldn't move and then i felt my mind i i was thinking about crazy things like
00:53:51
like like evil [ __ ] like yeah yeah yeah yeah kill yourself
00:53:57
i just feel the evil presence and hurt other people yeah really how did you get rid of the
00:54:02
possession so i just said you got to get someone's like this i was like you get out of me and i i ran we had a swimming pool so
00:54:10
right by the garage you're right there's a door and it goes right and i was possessed and i you got to get
00:54:17
out of me right and swimming pool was cold yeah right because it was during the winter
00:54:22
time and i jumped in the swimming pool and i snapped out of it so every time
00:54:27
with my clothes on so the secret for this those at home is going to get possessed i must i might have jumped in that pool
00:54:32
eight times in my life with my clothes on so every time you got possessed you would jump in the pool so then one time how do these demons not
00:54:38
know how to figure out what water is the catalyst my aunt who died rest in peace
00:54:45
um was i one time um i hear a commotion going on my my
00:54:50
brother used to take bible verses what's so funny it's just whatever
00:54:56
happens next right so he he my brother was really religious yeah i remember that right so he took
00:55:01
he and he would take bible my parents would have to buy them bibles isn't one serious no because he used to
00:55:08
cut him out he was like she was like kevin spacey in the movie sevens all over the world yeah yeah
00:55:13
it was like stickamata in there momento right so he would like um
00:55:19
he would cut the oh this is important sorry we'll pause for the beanie he would cut bible verses out of the
00:55:25
bible and just paste him on the wall what stuff that he cared about that i don't know what they probably know he just liked
00:55:30
the way it looked or whatever okay and he would like draw like crosses on the wall what yeah no wonder he got possessed
00:55:38
i don't know i mean it was because so anyway one time i come home and my whole family's there
00:55:46
like i have you know i have uncles and aunts i have uh 28 first cousins everyone the house is filled yeah and i
00:55:53
walked into the my brother's room and my aunt had three aunts an uncle
00:55:58
and my brother was like naked and my brother was like you know i mean in the living room no in
00:56:05
his room in his room right you know i mean his little penis was out no his dick wasn't out this is not his
00:56:11
dick you said naked well his dick was out yeah yeah hard
00:56:16
that'd be weird your aunt and my brother's like my brother's like you know what i mean
00:56:21
twitching twitching right and i go i go is he being cause i knew what it
00:56:26
was a possession he'd be possessed and he was getting exercised or ex i don't know what they were doing they
00:56:32
probably came kimchi or something right some sort of ox blood soup or something out of it but
00:56:38
um yeah and then we moved out of the house and stopped when you moved it never happened again no can we know the address
00:56:45
uh i can see the road i want to know the address i want to look it up so bad what take i want to look him up i want
00:56:51
him to look it up on google my brother knows the address dude it's ranch hollow road highway
00:56:56
california ranch hollow road go to google maps pete and you because i want to see the i want to see you at home let's see if we can get a negative brother i want to call my
00:57:03
brother okay um
00:57:09
yeah i'm on bad friends with andrew right now hey baby yeah we ever possessed in the house
00:57:16
yeah yeah okay good wait hold on hold on stevie what what do you really think that you were like
00:57:22
that you had something take you take over your body yeah there's like 20 um demonic like
00:57:27
indian spirit whatever spirits on me holding me down how did you were you nate you were naked
00:57:33
bobby said you were like i wasn't naked but i had bible verses on my walls and [ __ ] and who told you to put the bible verses
00:57:39
up on your walls they're whispering holding me down you know what were they saying
00:57:47
it's nothing good nothing good nothing good dude how did you get rid of this heavily it
00:57:53
was probably built on uh on some poltergeist [ __ ] like on in on an indian burial ground stevie what what how did you get rid of
00:57:59
it how did you get rid of the um i i had a yellow jesus but i only got the jade uh they were holding my mouth he was
00:58:07
trying to yell out jesus he only got the ge party [Laughter]
00:58:15
one strong burst like you know like a ryu fireball and i jumped i jumped in the pool right
00:58:21
yeah you got rid of them by the pool yeah yeah what was the address what was the address remember the
00:58:26
address ranch hollow road one five nine four five one five nine four four ranch hollow road
00:58:33
one five nine four four ranch hollow road we are looking it up one five nine four four ranch hollow road
00:58:38
it's real yeah it's real there it is let's go to satellite let's go okay all right thanks steve i love you
00:58:43
brother all right so look at that that's how that's it right there that's it it looks creepy
00:58:49
full screen it baby i don't like this yeah yeah look at that oh and look at
00:58:56
that blue truck that ominous native american
00:59:01
zoom in on the house clicking on the house so you can see can you click click yeah yeah how about this you know what do this
00:59:07
copy and paste that address and go to zillow that's the best thing you can do because then we can look at the inside of the home copy and paste that address yeah go to
00:59:13
zillow.com and then we'll be able to see the inside of them and we'll be able to see how much the house is worth now yeah yeah we'll see how fancy you really are
00:59:19
that's a well that's a i used to okay show the house again hold on one second
00:59:25
let him put this in there's a funny story i just saw a little area perfect yeah there it is
00:59:32
four bed three bath 3 700 square feet 1.5 million is what it's worth now oh wow oh you
00:59:38
could rent it for five grand can you click there's no other photos eh sometimes they have other photos that you can scroll through nothing huh
00:59:46
why is it why are they running it out no they're just saying you could rent it out if you wanted to rent it out yeah somebody lives there right now but that
00:59:52
that's the satellite view right there you can see so if you look at the house yeah let's go back and go back to the house go back
00:59:57
to that oh it's all right so zoom into the house to the left side you can't really okay so anyway
01:00:04
right in between that house and that's house so that side of the that side of the house was my room right and see that house to
01:00:11
the left yeah and see those trees over there yeah one night i don't know who lived there
01:00:17
but there was a kid wearing a cowboy outfit yeah okay okay and he was going to keep making
01:00:24
noises okay i don't know what the noises were okay
01:00:30
right right and i remember just opening that i go i was a kid shut the [ __ ] up man
01:00:38
i would yell right he wouldn't stop
01:00:48
he had a [ __ ] toy gun right and i walk up to him like i meet him in between the houses
01:00:54
i go hey man i'm trying to kick a nap man yeah i mean you're going to choose right
01:00:59
and he goes shut the [ __ ] up man and he [ __ ] takes the butt of the gun it hits me in the tummy shut up yeah how
01:01:05
old was he uh you must have been 13. and you're 13. i was like 16. that's a little boy
01:01:13
gun butts you yeah yeah and you're and i went back in there to my room and all night long i could just hear in
01:01:20
the tree you think he was possessed no but he was just like you know there's nothing i could do about it you
01:01:25
just got beat up we never had anything creepy in my house except
01:01:30
my sister sleepwalks and she would fall down the stairs sometimes she's cute at your sister enough she used to fall she used to trip
01:01:35
down the stairs so they had to put up a rope by the stairs so my sister wouldn't fall face-first down the [ __ ] stairs she would just sleepwalk all the time
01:01:41
and then they had to which i didn't i didn't know you're not supposed to wake someone up from a sleepwalk do you know that no if you wake someone
01:01:48
up from the middle of a sleepwalk they die they can have like they can they think they're going to die they're having like
01:01:53
panic look that up why you don't wake people up from a sleepwalk because apparently like you're supposed to let them wake up
01:01:59
on their own because they're really conscious like they're actually like aware and they kind of are half awake
01:02:06
but you're not supposed to do it because apparently it's really dangerous they can have a heart attack and die oh it's not dangerous experts who
01:02:14
discourage a quote it's unsuccessful and leads to patient disorientation ease them back to bed without making
01:02:19
forceful attempts right i've heard that they just get they freak out they panic they might think their life is in danger oh wow you're supposed to let them walk
01:02:25
it out on their own do this by the way uh sleepwalk just do sleepwalk tick-tock
01:02:30
girl have you seen this [ __ ] girl it can't be real no no it's hilarious her her boyfriend her husband videotapes her
01:02:36
tic-tac-toe but whenever i see stuff like that i think to myself that they're acting that's her selena's spooky vibe for the for the video no chance
01:02:44
i mean some of these are unbelievable you could just tell she's actually sleepwalking i'm a sleepwalker i've always been a
01:02:50
sleepwalker and i sleepwalk alone
01:02:56
so we have security cameras outside this is how my mouth is no no look there's are going outside
01:03:10
ten minutes no no no no no no no
01:03:28
you can tell she walks the same when she does it
01:03:39
she's naked no
01:03:49
she's throwing beers into the snow
01:03:56
outside see this is how you know she's not it's just a a human walking by yeah
01:04:02
[Music] and they mumble they don't make any
01:04:10
sense
01:04:20
listen listen would you break up with a girl if they did that 100
01:04:30
once she went outside i would lock the door you're gone maybe they would teach her
01:04:36
yeah she'd wake up in the snow all cold free dead first of all you die hypothetically yeah 100
01:04:42
oh then no no you just set her back in you'd save her yeah yeah you would save her if you if you
01:04:48
were with someone jules if you're with a boyfriend and he was he ended up being a sleepwalker would you break up with him
01:04:54
if it's like extreme then yeah but if it's just like going around the house it would depend
01:04:59
out it'd be hard for him to sleepwalk because you'd never get to [ __ ] sleep with you because every hour on the hour the phone is can i see something going
01:05:04
on [Laughter] we'll have to cut it out not say it but it would depend
01:05:10
how hot hershey was if you look like that that's and that's a breakup huh breakup
01:05:17
that's a breakup she eats all the pizza right right she snores us to sleep yeah
01:05:22
i mean and she sleepwalks right no i if but if she look like you know what's that uh the kardashian girl the
01:05:30
the jenner what's her name kylie what not bruce what kendall or kylie yeah either one
01:05:36
you know the kendall is the tall model yeah the target kendall right yeah i'd just be like i could have
01:05:41
maybe a couple more years of it yeah you just gotta deal with it right but if she looked like you know that girl
01:05:47
yeah kendall is that mean to say no that's honest is that honest you're on you're you're
01:05:52
very honest yeah if nothing else that's very honest look also maybe she doesn't like you
01:05:58
yeah you know i saw something scary on youtube yesterday where i was looking up um the most loneliest people in the
01:06:04
world [Laughter] who is the most loneliest person in the world so there's this woman
01:06:11
that um this is in the 1800s okay and she she told her mom that she wants
01:06:17
to marry this lawyer or whatever she lives in some victorian town or whatever she goes you're not mine laura so she
01:06:25
she kept the [ __ ] girl locked in her attic the mom did yeah for like 35 years oh my god
01:06:33
look that up and look at what she looks like at the end when they found her the authorities found her loneliest woman in the world locked in
01:06:39
the attic is this a documentary about this no it was like you know how they have the seven most loneliest people in the world
01:06:45
no you said that like the normal category i found on yahoo news but see the girl the left that's what
01:06:50
she looked like before oh on the far left yes wow so she's like i'm marrying a lawyer no you're not and then boom
01:06:58
and then yeah then boom that's so is that crazy and then look oh look at the picture where the mother kept her
01:07:03
on the fourth photo look at the fourth one they show where she kept her up in that corner and that's the mom huh yeah
01:07:09
piece of [ __ ] for like 35 40 years didn't feed her how did she live well every every month
01:07:15
she would go in you still want to marry the lawyer and she's like yeah and she kept her in
01:07:22
there and she kept saying yeah and then the lawyer dies from old age yeah yeah yeah and then she's still up there
01:07:29
that's how women believe in love so much like a guy if you're like you don't want to marry the girl you're like no
01:07:34
i want to get out of here tinder give me the app you know what i mean i don't give a [ __ ] why do you think what
01:07:41
do you believe in love that deeply do you believe there's one person for you
01:07:47
that's a loaded question of course it is because i once heard that like every human being there's like 33
01:07:53
million people that are compatible well there's seven billion on earth right be hard to be just one you know it's like i was playing the
01:08:00
witcher like video game which are three yeah which are three at the video game there was this one moment i forgot what
01:08:07
mission it was but there was a tree right and the tree was haunted because she said that her lover
01:08:13
you know i mean was going to return oh mean to her he never did so she just died lonely and
01:08:20
she her spirit was in this tree she became a tree yeah and it's like um i didn't do that mission because i
01:08:25
thought it was [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] the tree you know yeah yeah
01:08:30
that's ridiculous i thought it's an insane idea it's an insane idea yeah but like you know women believe in like
01:08:37
that kind of everlasting forever yeah one person like they believe that there's only one yeah you're the one whereas if i was an
01:08:44
emperor i'd be fine with like 3 000 concubine 100 do you believe in love jewels for family
01:08:50
yeah but not for not for not for the opposite sex right do you think like do you think you're
01:08:55
you do you think there's a person out there for you at all that's the face that's it i don't know
01:09:02
but i want to date someone you want [ __ ] all right kid she's 19. she's going to
01:09:08
college i know well you had you know look you could capitalize from this show and date another 19 year old that's
01:09:15
probably a fan from the show yeah she thinks that like when she goes to college no one's going to recognize her yeah they are
01:09:21
yes they are yes they are yeah yeah what if she becomes like an [ __ ] and is like super
01:09:26
like like you know what i mean yeah if there was a bad friends guy right a big fan he's cute in college
01:09:32
and he goes oh my god are you jewels from bad friends what would you say yeah yeah hi
01:09:38
hi that's an [ __ ] yeah yeah like all right relax [ __ ] star
01:09:46
because i don't know how to interact with him will you be the guy hey oh my god
01:09:52
are you rudy from bad friends yeah whoa whoa i'm micah i'm dave that's my
01:09:59
buddy dave we're new here are you are you new here at um university of california state long
01:10:04
beach state yes you can call me jules oh cool oh so oh yeah cause again because rudy was because that's a jewel so yeah
01:10:11
yeah we're big fans of the show huge fans hey you can we get your number you want to hang out um
01:10:18
maybe i can give it to you tomorrow i left my phone and i don't remember my number you don't remember yourself
01:10:24
your [ __ ] number weird that sounds like that wow how long have you had a cell phone
01:10:30
uh just two years so in two years i have to go my mom's here your mom's
01:10:36
here you're in college yeah i live with my mom oh oh really because on the show we pay attention to
01:10:42
the show you lived with tito bobby down in los angeles right no he's lying
01:10:48
dave here um what so what's let me ask you something what's bobby lee like he's
01:10:55
dirty okay but he's funny i like him cool yeah he's
01:11:01
funny yeah sometimes he's annoying what what what what's annoying about him just him trying to put boogers on my
01:11:09
face all right okay what about what about the red-headed guy oh he's fine i like him
01:11:14
he's nice he's nice yeah what about the um the mexican guy who does the sound he's really sweet yeah yeah we
01:11:21
don't we we we're curious about him he seems a little weird yeah seriously he's just fancy he's just fantastic has he ever
01:11:28
said anything to you that you're like ew you're weird no really he's kind what about that new
01:11:34
guy pete that they've got over there what's his deal i haven't really talked to him he doesn't seem like someone you'd talk
01:11:40
to yeah yeah he's like a android yeah he comes in like a gigantic android book
01:11:46
i have to go you have to go hard okay look at that
01:11:52
i like that you just get to blow us up i have to go well wherever you choose i'm excited to see where you end up going to school and
01:11:58
that that's the thing we need to make an email let's make one right now um dress write this down fancy that it's got to be um
01:12:05
uh i want to be rudy gmail.com i want to be rudy gmail.com
01:12:10
email there if you want to submit and rudy gets to judge who's going to take over in the interim period if
01:12:15
that even happens we don't even know you got to live in los angeles county you got to have your own car be able to get here yeah and uh
01:12:23
it's it's a long shot it's very long but it could be fun and also i don't think it should be someone who's like trying to be
01:12:29
a comedian or i just want someone no we don't want anyone in show business we want basically and this is why um it's a
01:12:36
difficult find because what makes um jules here special is number one
01:12:42
she doesn't really want to be here she hates this yeah yes number two she doesn't know exactly
01:12:48
what it is we're doing the same right yeah she doesn't know what the world is yeah number three
01:12:53
obviously doesn't care number four um you have to be there's got to be and
01:12:59
when i say innocent uh you get what i'm saying you know it's like someone's who's
01:13:04
um almost ignorant not ignorant no that's also true yeah yeah yeah she's a little ignorant of stuff she thought a
01:13:09
car and never saw 50 000 yeah her innocence is the best word
01:13:15
and also do we want only um girl submissions or guys i think some guys would be some guys too yeah well would you guys
01:13:22
would you be really harsh on them though we'd be mean the whole time so means that's right if it's a girl at least it balances out with female 1 yeah there's
01:13:28
some rules that we can't cross some lines with women well with a woman in here gives us nice female energy with another
01:13:34
guy it becomes a guy it's you know right you're gonna pick you are you into that yeah are you afraid of losing your spot
01:13:41
no do you care a little no honestly if you we you went to uc davis
01:13:47
and we're going to find a new person that person comes in it fits perfectly you won't be jealous no
01:13:55
that hurts will you miss doing the show at all i'll miss it yeah but you won't really care that much
01:14:03
i'll tell you why because she thinks that she's going to go off right and all these great things are and
01:14:09
great things are going to happen for her right yeah but at the end of the day right
01:14:14
this is the gift this is the gift right she doesn't realize though how cool this is this is the gift yeah
01:14:20
yeah yeah no you don't think that though it's like people that are living for the afterlife you know people that say like
01:14:26
i want to be good so then i can get into heaven but you're like but you but now is this yeah it's one of those
01:14:32
things this is heaven yeah the journey right is the death
01:14:37
is the destination and the destination is is the end and these mo i'll i'll i'll
01:14:43
be honest with you so will sasso has did you see a post i will show you a post and this made me want to cry from will
01:14:50
from sasso he he was on his instagram but um it made me literally want to cry because i'm going to show you it i put
01:14:56
it on my story as well but um let me see here hold on
01:15:02
i gotta show you this thing it's kind of cool oh no what did sasso post right so
01:15:10
check this out so when i so it's on he's direct messages to me okay okay so
01:15:15
basically it was um when i was my first year on my tv you know will
01:15:23
sasso said um just let me give it to you in a second okay well salsa goes hey kid
01:15:29
you know i'm going to this wwf event do you want to go and i go yeah i was so
01:15:35
excited like you know senior cast member wants to hang out with me yeah so will used to take me around everywhere
01:15:40
right and he shows me this thing that they televised and i was so young and i was so like
01:15:48
green yeah but i remember being so excited and when i see this it makes me want to
01:15:54
cry because it's just like this young asian kid you mean who's like the
01:15:59
whole world's in front of them and i and as an older person now i'm almost 49 now i look back i go i
01:16:07
should have just savored those moments yeah because this kid is thinking about the future yeah this
01:16:14
kid's going i'm going to be a star yeah i mean you know i'm gonna get movies and this and this i'm gonna buy
01:16:20
the mansion all that stuff and none of those things that i thought were gonna happen happened but they happen in their own way they happen
01:16:26
in their own way you know i mean and i had my own journey but it's like you know it makes me realize that i
01:16:31
didn't really appreciate all the little steps it's hard and it's hard but now i i feel like i
01:16:38
want to you have to soak in those those moments and i never did yeah you did i'm sure you did sometimes
01:16:44
no i remember one time i was on matt tv and ryan gosl not ryan gosling it was ryan
01:16:50
reynolds he did he was deadpool right yeah ryan reynolds was sitting there with dick
01:16:55
lasuchi the executive producer and i just sat next to them and we just talked i didn't know who he was
01:17:01
yeah and i was be in my own thing you know i mean you know if i would have done if i would have lived in the moment more
01:17:07
and just because you know and just kind of talk to the guy but that's so hard to do you never know
01:17:12
you know i remember one time um green day played
01:17:18
and i just was kind of just aloof to it all and i'm like literally sitting there
01:17:23
were you using at the time no i was just like in my own ego and in my own head that sucks right
01:17:31
and it's like everything you know me i was just oblivious to you know i mean the gifts that were all around me but
01:17:37
it's well but now you appreciate it so at least you respect you know some of it like trying to do it now i'm trying to take this in you know
01:17:43
right here doesn't seem like anything but uh um i really am trying to take this in and this is
01:17:49
special this is not forever right and this is um something special i think that we created you and i together yeah you know
01:17:56
what i mean and it's like um i just want to be able to savor those moments a little bit better savor it so before you go away to
01:18:02
college right now these moments right now i know you're playing with your hair doesn't care doing it couldn't care i'm
01:18:09
saying that this right here doesn't care this is you know this is it
01:18:15
this is it right and under your head like i want to meet a boy you're going to meet all those things but he's going to cheat on you you know
01:18:23
and he's going to lie to you he's going to hit someone with your car and yeah he's gonna deceive you he's gonna steal he's gonna
01:18:28
steal from you money he's gonna date your best friend yeah yeah and then and then and you're
01:18:34
gonna be crawling back here in your hands and knees you know what i mean please tito can i do the show yeah yeah i failed out
01:18:40
of you we've got some simone or whoever is you're killing it killing it killing it she's
01:18:46
getting just unbelief she's like laughing at their laboratory murdering yeah and um i also want to say
01:18:51
that um i have a prediction that if we keep doing this and after you graduate from college
01:18:57
hopefully we'll do this for what another 10 years i would like to do it as long as we can we can how long do you think it's going to last
01:19:04
six or seven months i know but do you think i mean we've i've never
01:19:10
really thought about we've been doing a year we've done it over a year now in my heart i would like to do this about five years would be cool five more years
01:19:16
and then what happens between us um in well i mean we either a hatred or is
01:19:21
there a no i think i don't want it to end badly well what i think is going to happen is we're going to parlay this into something else
01:19:27
like i think bad friends will do a tour when everything is back to normal i think you know we're doing the animated show that that hopefully will
01:19:33
get out to people so like i think we'll parlay this into other things and then we'll be at other points in our life and career let's make a
01:19:39
promise with each other though there's no um
01:19:44
bad feelings never okay there never will be yeah because um we're better than
01:19:51
theo and brendan yeah we're better than bert and tom we're better
01:19:56
than those guys and and i know you say you like them more than us which is a little repulsive to me
01:20:01
but i'm gonna let you take the hit because it's like this you live with us you're we're like family and they're outsiders coming in so it's
01:20:08
cool because it's different but if you lived with them you wouldn't like it okay okay anyway bobby's right
01:20:14
this is it and thank you for being a bad friend very good [Music]
01:20:22
i could like say i like it like that i like it like that come on tacos come on what i can like
01:20:30
say i like it like that i like it like
01:20:38
[Music]
01:20:44
that [Music]
