00:00:00
yo we got a merch update the greatest rock and blues band of all time bad friends is here compiled by of course
00:00:06
rudy jules with carlos centilius uh peter bleith moulave and of course your favorite george trinidad so pick up those shirts and also 420 special for 420 man
00:00:20
we are restocking these tie dyes and the tie-dye tees so go check that out right
00:00:26
now at badfriendsmerge.com or in the merch bar down below if you're on the youtubes also this weekend andrew santino i am
00:00:34
going to be in brea southern california if you live in the southern california era and you want to see me do an hour i'm going to be at the brea improv the
00:00:39
23rd and 24th for shows that's all we got come see me go to andrewsantino.com for tickets andrewsantino.com southern
00:00:46
california let's go you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two are [Music]
00:00:57
two or disgusting we're bad friends puppy report oh puppy report it's very chaotic it's chaotic we have three puppies what you posted
00:01:08
was so cute that dog's face oh my god so cute they're so cute i always go in there are they pooping all over your room piss poo everything love it why i just think it's a part of puppy life
00:01:20
yeah it is and the puddles are this big they're not big i know but you have to understand that like her room right we
00:01:26
have a little gate yeah and then we have three adult dogs wanting to get at these three puppies
00:01:33
and eat them yeah so it's a whole event but isn't it isn't it just upstairs downstairs you separate them by floors
00:01:39
don't you do that no no no no you got it for the puppies you should just in case yeah but then she has to stay downstairs
00:01:44
there's nothing downstairs it's grim down there is it scary down there yeah yeah
00:01:50
do you not like sleeping down there no i like it i'm fine yeah she loves creepy [ __ ] look at her
00:01:55
are you stoned no i just woke up i know she just woke up from a nap dude what what do you have you don't do anything she has this week off too it's like you're on vacation correct
00:02:06
yeah but i'm taking care of the puppy yeah yeah there is a lot well that's annoying i understand how much it's a
00:02:12
lot when we had our dog it was literally i was shooting at the time too so i was getting no sleep already because i was
00:02:18
shooting 40 14 hour days and the puppy would wake up 3 30 a.m 4 30 a.m 5 00 a.m kind of like
00:02:24
your alarm five six seven and then i'd go to work at 7 30. is your do you want a second pop a dog
00:02:31
or not really bad actually you wouldn't look check take you and take a look at our puppies yeah actually i'm serious we just we literally just
00:02:38
talked about getting another dog take a look at our puppies what kind are they um at the class they might be half pit
00:02:44
bull i just my only worry is how big they get i can't have really big dogs we have one called what's stumpy
00:02:51
oh i like that already they're all the same but don't we have stompy is he guys he looks like a hot dog he looks like a
00:02:57
hot dog and not only that like a wiener dog he looks like one yeah weiner dogs are awesome but it can't be because then
00:03:03
they're all wiener dogs no or or can a dog have like a poodle and a rottweiler come out well
00:03:09
these are all from the same litter mm-hmm yeah so they're all the same but wait a minute one looks like a wiener dog yeah he's actually um stumpy no he's
00:03:17
um i don't want to say this but not stumpy nobody stubby calm stuff we just named it yesterday
00:03:24
give me a [ __ ] break relax but he's um mentally challenged challenged no yeah that's what cola said i'm not saying she said it he's just low he's slow can
00:03:37
dogs have down syndrome i don't know but he just like this is you go in the room and the puppies are
00:03:43
coming toward me yeah stumpy is just like when he barks he's like yeah yeah yeah can dog because down syndrome is categorized as having 47 chromosomes 23
00:03:54
oh right right that's not right it can't be diagnosed in dogs who by default have 78 chromosomes wow wow do dogs have
00:04:02
can dogs be slow though is that a real thing like can you have i mean obviously some dogs are smarter than us no but i'm
00:04:07
saying okay right but that's like some people are smarter than others but i'm saying can they have a mental disability there has to be they're right yeah
00:04:15
because my buddy's dog yeah i'm not making this up used to run into the walls all the time in the broad daylight
00:04:20
and they got his vision checked they thought maybe he has he's blind they were like no he's fine what's wrong and he's like well he's just running into
00:04:25
the walls and they're like bad depth perception it's like yeah maybe maybe dogs have to have tourette's too right
00:04:31
it is also true that dogs develop mental illness dogs can acquire forms of anxiety yes we know that compulsive
00:04:36
disorders pdfc but no they don't get okay i don't know imagine a dog with turrets he's like [ __ ]
00:04:45
and then he comforts his mouth but sometimes he barks he's like oh yeah you're like come here buddies
00:04:51
yeah yeah that's silly wait a minute so there's three pups right three pups in the litter yeah okay three pups and litter i'll take a look at them
00:04:58
we really will yeah i mean my only concern is how big i can't have big dogs they're not gonna be big i
00:05:03
don't have a big enough big i think they'll be just medium you can tell by their paws if they did a big
00:05:08
paws kinda oh they're gonna be big they're pretty big when you're a big paws yeah yeah cause you will you look
00:05:14
at them of course yeah yeah yeah cause you know your dogs your dogs are you don't have any dogs
00:05:19
that are that big no we have little ones you will meet their mediums yeah they're all like you know
00:05:25
they're accidents man it's like that's right like the one the one that i have the old one we have we have a 90 year
00:05:31
old man living in the house he's 96 right remy yeah remy's 96 right and remy you could tell by his fingers they're
00:05:37
[ __ ] up and he goes like this each paw each fingernail is a different color black brown yellow right and there's
00:05:45
it's just like and then there's a nail that just comes out of the paw itself like he's like deformed oh right
00:05:50
and he walks around like this and he's just like grumpy where is he's everywhere he's everywhere well he has
00:05:56
no bladder control anymore and if it was up to me in the beginning it's like i could i could have just thrown it
00:06:01
across the street but but then what happens is you follow he falls in love with you you fall in love
00:06:06
with him yeah you don't have a choice no i'm just we're stuck well here's the back in the day when we were kids
00:06:12
you know a lot of people would have dogs that they couldn't take care of they got to get rid of and they just became outside dogs so
00:06:18
uh and but we have the middle one julio that she [ __ ] up yeah but that's cause she raised up we re she rate listen
00:06:24
don't shake your head do raise do not julio as a puppy right yeah and now look at julio he's not adjusted to the world right he's a we've had
00:06:35
the num best trainers in the world try to train them and then they always walk around yeah it's nah what's the loss cause it's
00:06:42
a lost cause he's like yeah there's nothing and i'm like and i always point to her i go what did you do to julio i didn't do
00:06:49
anything yeah you did you and your sister did you did you did you hit it did you do something to it no do you
00:06:55
sharpen knives listen okay you said you think just the puppy was just born that way i don't know i
00:07:01
don't think so did you kiss do you kiss julio on the mouth no sometimes okay do you let him lick your lick all over your mouth nobody bobby does that's okay that that makes sense for him yeah yeah
00:07:12
and that's also brand it's on brand yeah it i'm curious as what you did to hulu to
00:07:18
make him so damaged do you mouth kiss your dogs 100 knew okay no you don't no why because i just don't get i don't like that like white people have just let me ask you something but i'm not a white
00:07:30
i'm not a normal white woman i've seen your family you're [ __ ] white as [ __ ] bro yeah i know
00:07:37
welcome yeah yeah yeah so what what i'm saying is like what i've noticed her nose is growing up like
00:07:43
you know um like if we were gonna go out like if i went left the house with some friends on
00:07:48
a friday night sure and my dad was sitting at the kitchen table and if he wasn't drunk if he was drunk that's
00:07:54
another thing how when was he not drunk there sometimes he wasn't like when he got back from work right away so if i
00:07:59
was leaving he'd go oh i'm going out he'd go okay and i would kiss my dad on the lips
00:08:06
bro i hate people that do that that's the grossest sh your dad you're a grown-up you're a teenager and you kiss your dad on the mouth not tongue kiss you [ __ ] i didn't say
00:08:19
that i didn't i mean are you out of your [ __ ] mind and he's like yeah [Laughter]
00:08:38
or he'll kiss you on the cheek your cheek is fine yeah yeah yeah sometimes it lips mouth i don't like okay
00:08:43
my point though it's cultural right yeah like white for folks right you guys don't i know like some of my friends never even said i love you to their parents
00:08:55
well those are just damaged people i mean i do you see you i love you of course it's your dad i say i love that your stepdad i say yeah i do not your
00:09:02
stepdad yeah that yes i do you don't really love him though as much as you what come on man are you crazy why are you smoking no no you're the uh you're
00:09:08
totally obvious my stepdad was raised me he was like my father he was one of them you don't have the
00:09:13
full the full experience though no i mean if you're being genuine right now not comedy no i that's the opposite
00:09:20
my stepdad was like my father he raised me my whole life like he i met him when i was nine
00:09:25
or no younger than that what do i mean you don't even know how crazy it is he he became like my dad no so i do i love him so much like i say i love you all the time to him
00:09:35
i i'm gonna ask you i say i love you to you and to rudy yeah but for you it's like
00:09:41
well it does because because you say it a lot yeah it just doesn't mean anything right that's what
00:09:46
i'm saying cause i've seen you say it to like dorman at the comedy store sure i kiss him i go
00:09:52
i love you yeah yeah yeah there you go good set tonight yeah yeah no no i say i love you a lot to people that i really do care about so
00:09:59
i say it all the time i say it all the time because if i really like you i love you like andres have i said i love you to you
00:10:05
yoha yeah oh you have you do you really do you love no do you really do love honestly look at me in the face yeah i
00:10:10
love andres fancy is a wonderful person pete pete you you haven't gotten it yet but that's you got it you got some time
00:10:18
and also okay i want to play a game with you that i just did okay what okay just real quick okay yeah so this is a game i
00:10:24
just made up okay and it's like you know that you know that app right that changes people to
00:10:30
different genders or whatever uh sure so i have some comics that you know okay and i change their gender okay and i
00:10:36
want to see if you can guess who they are this is a female comic that's a man okay
00:10:41
and go are you asking me hot or not what who are they oh who is this yeah um that is uh look at how widespread the eyes are yeah this is a little hard because she's not
00:10:53
she's not a she's not a comedy store comic right that doesn't matter she's uh she did chelsea lately a lot sarah kalana no
00:11:01
damn uh uh uh give me one more hand i'll just you're never gonna guess it i'll just give you the initials just give me the initial a
00:11:11
m arden mirren yeah yes i got it okay that now i see it in her eyes yeah whoa that's arden mirrors next whoa comedy store comic female
00:11:24
comedy store comic regular get spots a lot all right i'm looking in the eye yeah yeah and she and she also by the
00:11:32
way that's a pretty handsome dude yeah yeah she she just had a baby that's natasha no oh no no um
00:11:42
that's sarah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah dude i see it in the eyes yeah it's so
00:11:48
much fun wow next one okay comedy story it's a man comic yeah he's a regular he gets spots maybe on two spots a week a wednesday or saturday
00:12:01
right this dude is to me a legend he's in the same school as like he was friends with like mitch hedberg and and and um what's the guy from uh arizona um
00:12:13
doug stanley doug stanhope that crew short hair how about this he spent a lot of time in europe like lived there he lived in amsterdam [ __ ] yeah
00:12:25
you got to give me the initials now because i'm out t-r tom tom rhodes yes oh tom ross oh my god
00:12:38
yeah yeah and by the way is he here is he at like a republican rally what is that i just found that photo no but wait wait oh you found the photo to develop
00:12:44
online yeah let's just go online i thought the app gives you a no no no oh that's wild
00:12:50
okay this one i'll give you you know what dude i'll give you my salary for a month
00:12:55
really on this podcast if i can guess that but you have to give me one hint there's no way
00:13:01
my salary okay okay fine all right so okay i don't even believe that i put this in there this is a hard one so this one
00:13:08
hangs out with jason collings okay and brent um morin morin yeah um he does their podcast as well okay right he's not a regular at the
00:13:20
store he just kind of hangs out he's a stand-up though yeah he's open for me several times
00:13:26
the kid that the kid i know what is [ __ ] you know his name i'll just tell you what it is what's his name will
00:13:31
berghardt burkhardt yeah will i knew his name was will that's him i get your salary
00:13:36
uh next one yes i do next or this one right here is a garage this is a good one this is a good one you're
00:13:41
gonna love this one these look like i know this is a girl this guy's next door yeah this is a girl right yeah who um
00:13:49
she's not a regular at the store but she's a cover booth person that's chelsea yes that's chelsea yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm pretty good this is good
00:14:00
cover booth there's only one girl that's a cover booth that's not true other several that's not true there's a few no next
00:14:06
this oh this is so easy it's tony hinchcliffe yeah i can tell this actually look if he just put on a wig that would look
00:14:12
exactly yeah next one that's adam wright next one that's the oval i'm getting good now next one by the way
00:14:25
hold on go back to theo vaughn yeah wow wow dude because there's a trend on tick
00:14:31
tock if if my friends were girls would i sleep with them that's like a big trend theo for sure go back go back to adam
00:14:36
no no no no she's like a talk show host she that she's on the view yeah yeah yeah yeah go back one more who's the one before it was tony no no no but but the prop i look at she looks
00:14:49
like she looks like um in the morning the next morning after you've like a one-night stand she's like why don't you
00:14:55
hang out and we go to break together no yeah okay go forward go forward theo for sure though wow and this one is
00:15:02
super hard no it's not i didn't know off the bat i i can usually see it in the eyes right now it's not hard not a comic
00:15:09
not a comedian no but a comedic celebrity oh a celebrity who i know who's a good friend of mine
00:15:19
what an emmy play you know he's a kind of a bigger guy obviously and he do you know who it is eric stonestreet yep that's eric yep
00:15:30
oh my god next one and by the way i would not would not know it's a pass look at this one that's a real comic we
00:15:37
know no no this is this one this one's easy this one this one's easy you do yeah i know right away it's nikki
00:15:42
glazier yeah you know i can tell it was amazing amazing you can see by the nose next one
00:15:48
yeah this one this one's hard no it's not it's the easiest one and eleanor carragher yes yes i'm doing it i'm doing it i'll get this
00:15:59
one right here zoom in this one is the million dollar one regular yeah you know him i'm friends am i friends friends oh yeah
00:16:10
really yeah regular and friends with them right yeah um story person that's all i can give you
00:16:18
yeah i don't know why but when they changed this person it was like weird it was like that does not look like him
00:16:25
he's tall would be like jesselnick is tall galern is tall you would know that if those are gorgeous or just like maybe i mean because you said it doesn't look anything like the guy
00:16:37
just look at the nose who's tall like that who's tall like that yeah with a pointy nose older who's tall like that the curse
00:16:48
yeah that's kirk fox yeah wow that crazy he's hot i'd [ __ ] [ __ ] that's hot yeah yeah yeah is that hot yeah yeah yeah yeah rudy
00:16:59
can i call kirk fox because i haven't talked to him a long time why because i really like him i like him too we'll tell him how he is as a girl
00:17:08
his voice is just so great baby boy kirk hey you're on me and bobby's podcast yeah just letting you know where bobby did this game where he puts your picture into an app on the phone and it turns you into a
00:17:27
girl and i'm telling you i'm gonna send you this photo you're so hot as a girl like we would [ __ ] yeah
00:17:33
we would [ __ ] you can i change into that for real i mean i think it's i think they're doing this
00:17:39
all the time now right this is easy to get done 20 30k and you can look like that
00:17:46
i don't think so is there a place i go because i don't like the way i look as a man i don't like the choices i make i
00:17:53
just don't like the feeling but if i'm a hot woman yeah can i write it out no imagine
00:17:58
that voice with that face [Laughter] it's bobby's being mean again kirk we love you bobby bobby uh bobby and i are going to be
00:18:11
spending some time together soon you guys are shooting together what are we doing
00:18:16
well i think we might be in oklahoma together bobby oh are you doing that show yes oh i'll see you there buddy same episode same episode what
00:18:29
i i'm gonna be in a lot of them so our paths will cross oh wow wow that's awesome all right well then well then when you see let me tell you bobby it's gonna be probably the best show in the world
00:18:40
these guys are amazing of course that's why i did it i was so busy i was like i found out who was involved so i go i
00:18:46
just got i have to define time yeah i did the pilot in september and uh now i'm going back they decided to keep the mustache that's amazing so um how many episodes they pick up
00:19:00
well they're doing the first season oh that's awesome congratulations brother that's great that's great you guys
00:19:07
yeah sorry andrew i forgot you're even no yeah no problem all right you're hot as a woman have fun in oklahoma i love
00:19:13
you i miss you buddy okay send me that picture quick because i'm about to take a shower
00:19:19
okay bye bye look at this one you know he's the best i love this one that's kyle donaghy no no that's that's a guy right there oh
00:19:31
[Laughter] better help oh my god i love better help i use it in my own private life people in my family have used it um therapy has just been uh very helpful
00:19:43
for me during the pandemic is there something andrew interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals there is actually
00:19:50
yeah there is let me show you something my friend betterhelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist and you
00:19:56
can start communicating in under 48 hours bro we've said it before we've said this too much on this show uh we
00:20:01
really do believe in this stuff we believe in getting um help mental health is extremely important to us and bob and i are big proponents as
00:20:08
the service is available for clients worldwide and you can log in from anywhere which we think is the best part send a message to your counselor you're
00:20:13
going to get thoughtful responses from somebody you'll get great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to
00:20:19
change counselors if needed and um it's also what i love about it it's affordable than traditional on offline
00:20:26
counseling and financial aid is available that's great they want to start living a happier life today better help wants you to start living a happier
00:20:34
life today in fact so many people have been using better help they're recruiting additional counselors by the way so get out there if you're a
00:20:39
counselor this podcast is sponsored by betterhelp and bad friends listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com bad friends 10 off their
00:20:45
first month at betterhelp.com bad friends hello oh gee andrew hey golly gosh hello tishi is the one thing in my life that i wish i had all my life i wish i
00:20:56
had it before because my [ __ ] can i say whole yeah yeah of course is so clean because of hello your brown knot looks amazing i
00:21:03
also i'm saving on toilet paper costs yep right and it's so easy to um put in um to install to install yeah we put i did it on my own i did it on my own and you know me and bob aren't good at stuff
00:21:15
like that and we have one here at the studio that andre sometimes fancy bee will just sit on it yeah and just sprays
00:21:20
out the whole time for like an hour yeah it's insane uh the brand new hello tushy 3.0 modern bidet attachment is here to
00:21:26
help level the playing field stylish eco-friendly easy to install and very very affordable man because by the way
00:21:32
when you get the traditional versions of these like the those japanese toilets they're thousands and thousands of dollars yeah yeah they're so expensive i
00:21:38
know you've been to japan but they have really high quality toilets yeah make yours high quality that's right make it
00:21:44
high quality at home you don't have to wipe at all just poop spray dry and go go baby uh they also come with a 60 day
00:21:50
risk free guarantee and a 12 month warranty bobby tell them about the schmutz shield well i'll tell you about this much sales right it's it offers
00:21:57
easy cleaning and the knobs are naturally what's the word antimicrobial antimicrobials that's perfect
00:22:04
if you already got a tushy upgrade the new 3.0 model you're going to love it go to hellotushy.com bad friends to get 10 off plus free shipping special offer for
00:22:11
you guys our listeners hellotushy.com bad friends for 10 percent off hellotushy.com
00:22:16
friends i saw a movie movie last night called uh let me see if i got the right word i
00:22:22
love italian crime stuff i saw a movie like the vigil oh yeah you saw it yeah what is it about the guy who prays to the candles that the it's the it's the it's the horror movie where he's got uh
00:22:41
the cam the candles the horror movie there are candles right it is a horror movie yes right but what else it's the
00:22:47
guy who pray he's got he prays to the candles the the devil that lives in the candle
00:22:53
you almost had it i was close you almost [ __ ] had it but you never seen that no okay but was i close pretty close i guess
00:23:00
there's a ritual you know in um old um an old napoli no no no no i don't know in the holes in that
00:23:14
a jewish ritual right but it's like um what do you got acidic acidic yeah old hasidic ritual where yeah when somebody dies right
00:23:24
their body is in a house and then you have somebody that looks after the body for like 12
00:23:29
hours whatever to protect it from spirits or whatever right so this dude needs money right he needs 500 bucks and
00:23:37
he's just like i gotta and some guy offers him this job so he's in this creepy house with this
00:23:42
like old jewish dead man there and his wife upstairs it's [ __ ] scary as [ __ ] bro did does the jewish dead men at some
00:23:49
point come back to life something like that but the thing is is that it's like the whole time i'm you're
00:23:55
just like leave just get out yeah in the beginning there were so many chances where he could just
00:24:01
leave yeah at one point you realize that he can't leave because now the curse is
00:24:07
on him now he's he's sucked in he's sucked in but yeah pretty good i want to suggest that to people the dead body pops up and goes oh
00:24:14
this casket's so uncomfortable let's create a horror movie right now okay what are you afraid of
00:24:22
what am i the most afraid of yeah that's i think we should play on our fears right yeah first of all what we you and
00:24:28
i are about if we're gonna write a horror movie yeah figure out what our fears are right and then we'll just try
00:24:33
to wrap a move okay middle of nowhere stuff creeps me the [ __ ] out like if like i'm always down for middle of
00:24:39
nowhere films i'm always like oh it's so sketchy in the middle of nowhere like in the woods but in the mountains in the
00:24:44
world in the mountains in the woods even more dangerous right where you can lose power it can be cold yeah right so mine has to do with the ocean okay so on a
00:24:51
mountain over the ocean we got there but just being in the middle of the ocean so okay we're gonna put it on a boat then no we'll do both
00:24:58
no no but listen middle of nowhere is the middle of the ocean to me okay one in the same right so how about how about one where
00:25:05
it's on an island but is that islands are wonderful what a great place to be haunted like a haunted island a haunted
00:25:11
island perfect perfect perfect here's another thing that i'm afraid of being buried alive uh everyone everyone that's
00:25:17
everyone's fear that's everyone's fear what doesn't uh kids i've got it you and i wake up you and i okay you okay starts
00:25:24
on you right sand is in your mouth you don't climb out yeah yeah you were buried alive
00:25:30
right all right so what you're saying is that i'm a guy right you yeah all right how about this let me just create my
00:25:36
character i'm a guy right yeah and i work at like a liquor store in new york correct okay in harlem so yeah i'm i'm
00:25:43
logging out i'm closing the store it's not a 24-hour place right right so i'm locking everything up right and it just
00:25:49
shows me like just walking with my backpack to my little squaller house i have a really i live in the basement somewhere in chinatown you live in chinatown uh why does it
00:26:01
okay anyway it just feels right i'm chinese for this movie you're chinese yes okay yeah i'll be chinese
00:26:07
i'll be black in the middle we'll be right we'll write it we'll you live in the basement of a chinese chinese right you know and then it just
00:26:13
shows me like a little montage of me like cooking some ramen right putting some ramen right rat runs by right runs
00:26:20
right right i'm buying a really rickety table yeah right sitting there i'm slurping on the ramen i'm watching some something on tv the news or something right gravity or tv right there's a cut
00:26:31
scene where i'm just kind of reading a book on a mat that's where i sleep on the floor yeah
00:26:36
this guy is so so sad right and then um i plug in my iphone whenever i have a phone right samsung
00:26:44
samsung okay you gotta be samsung all right samsung i plug in my samsung chinatown right yeah um does it matter what kind of tv i'm looking at or toshiba
00:26:59
toshiba yeah yeah um a tube tv no less like an old tube not a flashlight so i assume just by your thinking i'm
00:27:06
wearing a kimono what else would you be wearing at your house so just all right kimono i have a sword a sword and your hair is in a bun it must be and
00:27:20
what's in it what's wrong what's holding your hair up chopsticks chopsticks that's correct
00:27:28
oh you raised as [ __ ] all right come on come on let's get back to where we want to be all right so
00:27:34
for some reason for some reason for some reason i'm wearing regular clothes you're wearing
00:27:39
regular clothes at the liquor store but when i get home there's got even montos i put the chopsticks in my hair people will love it people love it i have samsung tooshima
00:27:54
tv right right oh [ __ ] right so you're slurping your new right when you lay on your mat i lay on my
00:27:59
bamboo bag bamboo man yeah right and then i wake up right on an island you wake up you wake up it's crawling out of sand crawling out of sand yes naked butt naked butt naked yeah right
00:28:13
how about how about i still have the chopsticks in my hair oh you got it yeah yeah we need to have you have materials
00:28:18
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right for some reason i still have the bun perfect with the chopstick of my right i come out right yes oh i'd be completely naked
00:28:25
right and it's the brutal day of this it's the sun it's right right bright and all of a sudden you your character
00:28:31
digs out right and you're wearing like a green suit like a little leopard [Laughter] and where my penis is is a little pot of gold
00:28:41
a little tiny over so you're wearing a leprechaun i guess i work in finance i wear suits but i went to bed when you go to home you drink irish
00:28:54
whiskey correct right right you wear the green leprechaun i wear it right and i do a jig right and i jig myself to sleep
00:29:02
all right how about this look okay okay all of the [ __ ] aside we both wake up on the island no we're both are we
00:29:09
keeping that stuff in or no that's just a joke it's a joke that's a joke but it could be fun okay we're both butt naked we wake up on the island we wake up on
00:29:15
the island and you and i are ready to fight cause we don't know how this happened did you do this to me no of course that's not gonna
00:29:21
we're both coming out of holes where i'm not gonna go but did you did you put me in this hole bury me and then put a
00:29:27
whole you put yourself in a hole and bury yourself yes yes yes no that's the last that's not the logic
00:29:33
we when we both come out we're just gonna be like we were both buried what happened we're trying to explain what happened so that could be a twist at the
00:29:39
end where it turns out that you did do it all we'll leave it for later oh yeah yeah correct so we jump out of
00:29:45
the hole yeah we jump out of the hole we're freaked out we're playing of course we are we have no idea what's going on
00:29:51
you always say something like who are you who are you you're right that's the dialogue who are you who are
00:29:57
you you're right um and we kind of calm down we try to calm down and go all right so my name is um yoshi am i yoshi yoshi yoshi right
00:30:05
yeah lucky i'm not yoshi i'm lucky yeah yeah do we have to have accents for this we should
00:30:19
[Laughter] how funny it would be i had the asian accent you had the irish accent
00:30:25
don't make me die i'm lucky i'm lucky what are we doing here i wouldn't even get to the first [ __ ]
00:30:35
scene right so so yoshi and lucky so now they bonded together well now what let's be real let's be real about it okay
00:30:47
we're back we're back so um you know is there a third well here's the thing yeah yeah so so a
00:30:53
show uh washing up ashore is a woman badly hurt bleeding right and it washed up ashore it's rude okay enough it's got that cut there's rewind it's gone cut that out
00:31:06
okay so in this island it's not a big island very small it's maybe what a half a mile around not even quarter mile around
00:31:12
quarter mile right but there is in the middle of the island is dense dance there's trees at one thick very thick
00:31:19
but there is a path right right you and i we you you go it's so hot out here we have to get i mean we have to get covered i'm gonna go yeah you're almost in flames i'm done right and i go um all right so let's i
00:31:33
found a trail we go on the trail in the middle of this island you see like a little tiny like a hill like a stoney
00:31:38
kind of a hill yes i see it but in the middle of the right is a statue of her but it's but and it's been it's been there for for a long time ten thousand
00:31:50
years a thousand years and and it's old it's it's it's just all it's like it's her statue like this right her eyes are
00:31:56
black black right and there's red blood tears right there right blood right and obviously she has knives two knives like two knives like this and she's staring but by the way yeah she's like she's like this right right
00:32:08
blood like this and just just like that and staring off straight through this there's like a little message underneath
00:32:13
what does it say um i can't read it you i don't know what does it say it says um
00:32:21
those that sleep will die first right something like that those that sleep will die first yeah well well i'm well okay i can't go to bed we can't that the
00:32:32
whole i the whole goal of this horror movie yeah is you and i don't can't sleep we can't sleep keep each other keep each other up keep each other awake yeah yeah and you know what happens when you don't get sleep what you should have
00:32:44
delusional hallucinations right right you're also kidding horny you're super horny
00:32:51
you know because you start getting delusional right you start getting real horny there is a sex scene
00:32:58
right so um i wake up with your dick in my mouth i'm just trying to keep you awake
00:33:04
so um i don't want you to die all right so here we go all right let's let's go by the way by the way what a good device we can't go to bed we realize and so first of all we read it
00:33:17
those that sleep will die first i go yeah this is [ __ ] you know stupid right yeah can't be true but the
00:33:22
first night we both are like [ __ ] what if it's true yeah should we decide maybe that the sleep could could
00:33:28
it be more of a thing as like you know at nightfall right don't be on the ground don't be on the ground yeah
00:33:35
but we'll just build a canopy and then that would be good right so you and i are always uh so check that out you and
00:33:41
i build a canopy yes right amongst the trees yeah like a platform right and then we were laying down trying to go to sleep but then we hear things
00:33:53
below us no just like oh oh gosh right i'm a creature and different things that's like an old guy yeah whatever it's like an old man yeah yeah right
00:34:10
and we're just i mean we're naked we're naked right of course you don't have the green suit that was gone yeah we know
00:34:16
and we woke up naked we woke up right naked so you and i are completely naked i imagine right
00:34:21
on these platforms we built right maybe we're i i say it's not high enough oh what do we have to build it higher than we're going to don't talk loud because right here like that that's something like that can't hear you something like that right i like that
00:34:34
but then we hear her too what's her noise you make a noise oh my god [ __ ] and you know what we can't tell where it's coming from
00:34:45
because i'm like it's coming from over there and you're like it's coming from over there [ __ ] dude it's surround sound do it
00:34:51
again [Music] what is it do we suck each other's dick there yes the film critics are like it was a brilliant idea they kept blowing each other the whole movie
00:35:14
i forget the suck dick so we wake up the next day pete's writing down they start blowing they blow each other to make it go away this is the only way to make the sound stop
00:35:29
oh god okay all right all right so here's the deal i do like the device that we're not supposed to sleep right
00:35:34
yeah okay so you know so you don't like the platform thing no i do but like we can make it say like those
00:35:40
that sleep first die first those that touch ground make it like a bunch of rules all right so don't sleep okay and
00:35:46
then the touch ground they who they who sleep first dies first yeah they who touch you at nightfall
00:35:51
uh those on ground will die like uh and the last one has to be um one rule has to be uh uh um
00:35:58
not only so you can't sleep you have to be above ground at night fall you can't make noise
00:36:04
during the day during all day no at night at night so this is all nighttime so correct okay good right so it's like
00:36:10
imagine now not a people completely naked yeah up above ground cannot say a word like this and we hear
00:36:17
all these crazy noises yeah and we just have to look at each other yeah yeah and then at some point maybe
00:36:24
your leg is hurt yeah right right because i cover your mouth you know how they do that so you don't make a
00:36:30
don't don't yeah like something fell from a tree yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah spiky coconut spiky coconut yeah spiky
00:36:36
coconut fell from the tree right hit your leg right it's blood squirt like an artery right
00:36:43
i take like a strip of leaves or something i try to make a tourniquet right but i cover your mouth and the whole time i'm like
00:36:49
yeah yeah yeah yeah and then i bite your fingers because it hurts so much and then you go to the end
00:37:04
right and we're just right and that's all night long all night but then once the dawn out we're excited and then as soon as we see the sunlight we go
00:37:17
oh [ __ ] oh i can't do this i can't do this i'm tired yeah this is good this is really good really good so just as a side note would be funny as if
00:37:28
if you were pinching your butt because you had to let out a fart you know it's not a comedy though sorry you're right it's a two broad uh
00:37:40
we'll get it as scripted we'll do one for us we'll do a couple alts yeah because we do try we eat we have to eat
00:37:45
okay so here's the next day so right now our first conversation after night no one should be this
00:37:53
um we gotta get water we have to get food and water that's the most important one yeah because we already gotta get
00:37:58
the [ __ ] out of here i think getting the [ __ ] out of here is number one well you gotta we have to see where we are in
00:38:03
water right in water yeah and if the island you build a help sign out of rocks right and you said
00:38:11
you have to write help in the sand in case of a plane flies over okay that's what everybody does okay all right yes i
00:38:17
just why do i have to do the hardship it still just feels like i have to pick up rock and then make a help
00:38:24
i'll do it you know that's gonna take all day i haven't eaten or drinking water why do i get that job this is the conversation on the island yeah yeah
00:38:30
okay i'll do it yeah yeah all right what do i do you have to find us food okay now do you want to ride help in rocks you'll find this food i'll find his food yeah okay because i'd rather go like i think i'm
00:38:41
better at maybe going in the ocean with a spear sure you fashioned a spear but you get out there and guess what what no fish just sharks sharks
00:38:52
all we are on an island surrounded by no whites no what are the most dangerous ones not great the mega the megalodon
00:39:00
yeah that's where they come from that island but the island is called megalodon oh megalodon island and on the
00:39:07
other side of the island right is where they birth so that's where all their eggs are right that's where i go that's
00:39:12
where you go to get food you can get eggs that's our plan that's our plan so i come back right you're you you haven't even made eight yet no it's like eight
00:39:23
hours in and you're just one line of the h i'm in i'm right i'm into and i'm like we have that argument like that's all
00:39:29
you got is half an h there's not that many showers there's not that many stones on the island right and then you're gonna go where's the food where's
00:39:36
the food oh i'm sorry but it's not my fault that we're on megalodon island and there's [ __ ] fifty to two
00:39:41
thousand megatons in the ocean they'll [ __ ] eat me you take you take them did i say yeah but check it out man i
00:39:48
was watching them go around the island right i know where their eggs are brother well
00:39:54
perfect omelettes megalodon omelettes have you ever had one no but i can't wait to yeah
00:39:59
so hey but let me ask you something but megalodon would have like um they would they wouldn't have eggs no no
00:40:06
but it's like it's kind of like a caviar but big we have to make a creature that we have to have a creature that makes eggs because sharks don't have eggs they
00:40:12
just come out as little sharks so whatever we make in the ocean it has to make eggs there is no [ __ ] creature in the ocean we make it up
00:40:21
yeah but then we have to explain the science but the whole thing isn't real no we don't how do we get on the aisle
00:40:26
who cares we're making it up let me ask you something do turtles make eggs yes that's what we have turtles gigantic
00:40:32
killer turtles killer turtles killer two that's what it is blue oh my god i love blue to andrew
00:40:38
this episode is sponsored by bluetooth guys it's been a crazy year uh i feel like uh you know it's been a little
00:40:45
tough but we're making it out and if you're feeling like this stuff really works by the way it works blue chew is a
00:40:50
unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and cialis but in chewable form and at the fraction of the cost that's right baby their tablets help men achieve harder
00:41:02
stronger erections to combat all forms of erectile dysfunction you use blue chew i've used it a few times but you
00:41:07
use it a lot yeah i love a lot do you ever just use it when you're not gonna i use it just to not just to do it just to
00:41:12
have it i i i really just use it to see if it works and then it works it works and then you know you can use it later yeah yeah bluetooth is an online
00:41:19
prescription service so no visit to the doctor's office no awkward conversations
00:41:24
and no waiting in line at the pharmacy and it ships right to your door in a discreet package that's right blue chews
00:41:30
licensed medical providers work with you to find the right ingredient and strength for your prescription uh if you don't like swallowing pills the best
00:41:36
part is they're chewable baby they're chewable tablets made in the usa they prepare and ship direct so it's
00:41:41
cheaper than going to a pharmacy bob could you benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform all the time
00:41:47
all the time baby if you need to get it a little bit a little bit more solid a little more blood flow visit bluetooth.com for more details and
00:41:53
important safety information we got a special deal for our listeners try bluetooth for free oh my god use that
00:41:59
promo code bad friends at checkout pay five bucks for shipping that's bluetooth.com promo code
00:42:04
to receive your first month's free that's bluetooth.com promo code bad friends to receive your first month free
00:42:10
try bluetooth for free when you use the promo code bad friends at checkout just pay five dollars for shipping and handling bluetooth.com promo code bad
00:42:16
friends and we thank bluechu for sponsoring this pod bespoke oh do you love adventure i like getting
00:42:22
outdoors i love the adventure yeah i love this box of awesome collections because um it's for guys yes and it's
00:42:28
guaranteed to upgrade your live i got uh tenting equipment yes you did you got some outdoor equipment i got myself some
00:42:34
whiskey decanters and we gave old rudy jules got herself a knife she got two knives actually and the bespoke post box of
00:42:41
awesome they only send guys the best stuff every month no matter what you're into box of awesome has you covered like from style and grooming goods to like um
00:42:48
bar ware cooking tools yeah outdoor gear box of awesome has collections for every part of your life yeah it's pretty cool
00:42:54
man i really do i really did like the box that they sent to us the best part is they only cost uh 45 bucks but it has over 70 dollars
00:43:00
worth you also like take a quiz at the box of awesome.com and your answers will help them pick the right box of awesome
00:43:07
for you yeah and they release great gifts it's great for gifts it is really cool good uh so try it out you will like
00:43:13
this get 20 off your first monthly box when you sign up at box of awesome dot com enter the code bad friends at
00:43:19
checkout that's box of awesome dot com code bad friends for 20 on off your first box
00:43:26
okay i'm in the you're making the h right i'm on i'm in the water right yeah and i imagine the scene i'm in the water
00:43:33
and you see a turtle come toward me right and you think and they my face is like this
00:43:38
turtle yeah cause you know i i love turtles right yeah you know who doesn't love a turtle i love it you know how you're
00:43:44
right and then you see the turtle it opens his mouth and it has like ah just like rosy
00:43:58
[Laughter] right right and i realize there's like 50 000 of them in the water swarming around
00:44:11
[Laughter] [ __ ] i was mad i was trying to fight fish yeah [ __ ] turtle dude turtles you're scared of turtles they're not
00:44:27
normal dude go you go out there i will all right right there you go out there you go out there right and i get
00:44:33
bitten by buy one yes right so now they've tasted our blood our blood so now they're ready now and also now you [ __ ] believe me
00:44:40
now i do believe you of course but then i go yes i was watching some natural national geographic yes in
00:44:46
my little squadron place in chinatown when i wear my kimono chinatown apartment television
00:44:53
[Laughter] yeah about turtles right obviously it was you know in chinese you know subtitles right yeah and so um
00:45:07
they lay eggs on the beach bro what we have to find where they lay yeah so um i know i don't know if you can
00:45:12
make omelets out of their eggs we're gonna try but we're gonna give it a go so we hunt so we look around we dig dig and we find
00:45:19
some we find their eggs we find a couple but there's no frying plan there's no frying pan how the [ __ ] are we gonna
00:45:26
make this [ __ ] right we don't have fire either tonight today we make fire we grab the eggs okay no i do what rocky did what you just eat it raw yeah
00:45:37
yeah no you put a hole on top there's a scene like that there's a scene where i crack it right
00:45:44
and i drink it drink but then what comes out is like um blood like black ooh black blood it's
00:45:51
black this is not no normal when you open up it's like it's like um it's like uh like asphalt like like when asphalt's
00:45:57
liquid eyes you know it's like it's like it's polluted it's blue it's balloon it's turtle balloon turtle
00:46:03
balloon right i open it up and there's an eye right oh we can't eat these it's alive yeah we can't eat these right so then now the sun's right sun's going down we
00:46:17
still have no food no food nothing this is the first day right right and i we get a little fight like you're [ __ ]
00:46:22
half age right half of the age right right and then we gotta get back on the right right we climb back up and then
00:46:28
another night of but what happens that night tropical storm tsunami a tsunami is coming
00:46:40
a tsunami is coming we can feel yeah windows pick up so we're we can't talk though we can't even explain what's going on so we're just kind of guess what when we get back to work we communicate with our
00:46:52
eyes right so we're like laying there and your eye you're looking at me with that
00:46:58
what are you saying with your eyes [Music] which is what i'm horny [Laughter] what if this what if i read your eyes what if i read that your eyes were saying i'm horny but
00:47:18
i'm reading it wrong and i just start i said i'm hungry i thought you said you were horny but i can't say anything when you're doing it [Laughter]
00:47:32
this movie all right this movie is diverted but but here's the deal here here's the deal
00:47:39
if someone in our fan group has a good ending to this because we've laid out a lot of tracks here yeah this is good
00:47:44
tracks don't you think pretty good tracks yeah someone has to help us finish this movie because i think right now
00:47:50
no no we've got to work we're close we're gonna end it because um what we do we no let's do one more day
00:47:56
okay we go one more day three days three days all right next day we're like okay we have okay water okay
00:48:01
we're starting no food right thursday here's the deal today let's be real yeah no sleep there's got to be something about the
00:48:07
statue so we go back to the steps we have to go back to the statue and there's got to be a [ __ ] something there
00:48:14
that's going to give us a clue how to get the [ __ ] out of here right right on the other side of the statue is
00:48:20
braille and i said my mom is my mom was blind i can read braille right right so i read the braille and it says a limerick along the lines of
00:48:32
we need to get beneath the island to save our own lives so we start digging right wow we need to get beneath the island to save our lives right yeah or or maybe not that
00:48:45
is maybe not that can i finish the joke okay and we dig all the way to china [Laughter]
00:48:58
go ahead yeah go ahead what does it say and then that's why i have the chopsticks in my hair we dig all the way
00:49:03
to the chin with the chopsticks that's why i have it that's it no seriously yeah yeah what does it say on the back there what does the statue have to do we have to do something with the statue yeah something the statue
00:49:15
maybe the statues um are we doing like a sword in the zone no like maybe i realize you can turn it
00:49:20
oh you lean against it frustrated oh like yeah like right and it it kind of turns very indiana jones of us yeah
00:49:26
let's not do that let's just go it's circular on a like on a little [ __ ] platform you get mad at it you
00:49:32
get mad and you kick it you pick up a coconut yeah i spike you i spike a spiky one and you throw a spiky coconut yeah
00:49:38
yeah and boom and then her arm and you're like what what the [ __ ] right and then it it maybe there's like a little cake like a little cliff on the left right and it
00:49:50
opens up a door oh right yeah and then there's like stairs that lead down yes we go in we have to we have to we go in and it's a big spiral looping spiral
00:50:02
it's you know what it is huh we have to it takes 12 hours it's it's it's like 12 miles to the center of the earth not to the center we're not going to china i want to go no we're not going to try
00:50:15
another movie okay all right [Laughter] we walk all the way down yeah we finally
00:50:21
get to the bottom yeah and what's there what's there jewels jules is there yeah what are you
00:50:27
doing there jules what do you look like there what's that what does this scene look like to you that's what you know [ __ ] yeah
00:50:33
sleeping but with a lot of dead bodies oh wow how many a thousand there's a thousand imagine a lot of extra thousand yeah that's a lot can we just do a hundred can we do a
00:50:46
hundred because it's a little bit easier for the low budget or we could you know we could use ten and cgi cgi the rest right or the rest
00:50:52
and just so you're sleeping you're trying to buy 100 dead bodies right do we wake you up
00:51:02
yeah yeah okay and and what do you say to us no no no no what she's sleeping on a stat like a slab of a concrete slab no
00:51:09
no she's sleeping on bodies okay she's definitely on the bottom how do we not know how do we know who's who then what
00:51:15
do you mean oh it goes to the top and she's just on top yes like she's like a cherry i'm gonna have a sundae in the
00:51:22
hill right so so she's on top of this gigantic sundae body but she looks remarkably comfortable yeah or maybe
00:51:28
she's not even slaying she's sitting indian inside style and she's right and she's like the statue should get the
00:51:34
knives oh my god she's like the statue she's like a statue she has blood in her eyes right right and she's just sitting
00:51:40
there like this right and slowly her eyes open no what we do is no no we go no because that's a i know i don't know you and i go we
00:52:02
they're dead i understand that they'll figure out what there's clues okay okay right all right so we look and we go um
00:52:10
maybe you know what we do you know what we see yeah we look at at the walls around in this thing right
00:52:17
right staircase but there's there's a wall right of course and we see fingernails people trying to climb up
00:52:22
this thing uh-huh right right they could they would use the stairs stairs yeah people use the stairs when we get when
00:52:28
we get to the bottom yeah the stairs go away disappear they go away there we go now we can the stairs are gone there we go thank you so for
00:52:35
helping me we got it that device okay so the stairs are gone yeah they've just there's a gun now move themselves right so we can't even [ __ ] cause we
00:52:41
wouldn't run out anyway like as soon as we saw her up there we would go back up we run up the stairs 12 miles yeah
00:52:47
yeah it's gone so the got now we see fingernails people trying to these dudes imagine people dudes have been doing this for thousands of years by the way it's all dudes it's all guys and no no
00:52:58
women half of them are fat asian guys yes and half of them are right right yeah so there's got to be
00:53:05
something there too it's the pattern right and then what happens where what is do
00:53:10
you have something in your brain what do you do what do you want from us um i want her to wake up i want her eyes
00:53:16
to slowly open her eyes open eyes up and she must say something right yeah you've
00:53:21
made it this far you made it this far you say that say that you've made it this far yeah
00:53:28
in order for you to survive and honor him in order for you to survive [ __ ] right [ __ ] jesus and then you're gonna say um you must solve this riddle
00:53:42
you must solve this riddle yes okay give us a riddle give us give us a riddle if i if
00:53:54
i had ten bunnies if i had ten what bunny if i had ten bunnies if you had ten buddies
00:54:07
they said ted bundy yeah just 10 bunnies if i had 10 bunnies finish it and andrew took nine she knows my name yes he knows your name yeah yeah
00:54:21
i would go one you're dead right away oh that's not okay so if i you're ten bunnies
00:54:28
and you took nine give me the finish it how many does bobby have one no no because i took nine she kept one you have none zero i'd be dead you'd be dead so i know how
00:54:43
about this you say i i had five nine bunnies andrew took nine right i took one you say i took one right can i wrap this up a better way go ahead
00:54:54
she says only one gets to leave you must fight each other to the death but we've bonded we've sucked each other's dicks three nights in a row back
00:55:05
without even saying anything we just kind of looked at each other through our own so we don't know if we
00:55:12
really want to kill each other can we do this right right and then you know what i you know what you know what
00:55:17
i would do we started because these two swords drop right right there are the two swords she's holding her yeah
00:55:28
she goes no she goes like this yeah and they land right right and once i realize you know what i mean
00:55:36
i have to fight you to the death right i'll probably do one like fun glance at your penis and i go like this i go and then hey and
00:55:43
then we cut into my penis we cut in my penis and cut up and then you go wink yeah
00:55:48
then we know yeah yeah check this out we grabbed the swords and we're both like i'm sorry yeah i'm sorry here's a twist
00:55:54
yeah the twist is this yeah we both look like we're gonna attack each other right but we somehow know to attack her
00:56:01
[Music] as we're fighting in the middle of it i'm giving you the eyes with the eye communication that we have yeah but i don't know if your eyes are saying suck
00:56:12
my dick or attack [ __ ] hurt i know you learn we learn so we're fighting we're fighting and as we're fighting i'm
00:56:18
giving you the eyes towards her all right right right right so are you streamed that
00:56:25
and i go like this and as we're fighting with the swords check it it crosses through her oh and she goes you what do you say
00:56:40
you [ __ ] what happened how did yeah that's the horror part of it we're trapped yeah the stairs are gone right
00:57:15
you know she's gone yeah but there's no way up we have to get on each other's shoulders
00:57:20
no that's you know that's not what you know what would happen if there's harmony if there's [ __ ]
00:57:26
500 red-headed andrews and 500 right we are all gonna suck that's the orgy the finale is it's like an orgy right and a disco ball comes down right that's great i've got two red
00:57:39
dicks right i have another yoshi stuck in my dick right and it's yeah yeah yeah it becomes a gay
00:57:45
nightclub it's a gay nightclub right right that's good i like it it's a good movie
00:57:50
uh right write it dear paramount plus yeah fund us what's a movie called sucking deer i don't know what was it called not
00:58:04
because turtle well turtle island i like turtles i like turtles no no what i know what's it called it's cool what could be a good play on like a gay nightclub bar scene
00:58:15
name with turtles involved on an island no but that's i don't want to give anything away it'll just be like a nod
00:58:21
right you know like okay you know in engagement the turtle no that's that sounds pretty on the nose turtle suck you know the gay night again
00:58:33
you know sucker punch the gay community there's a bottom you know like a top oh yeah so it's called the the bottom
00:58:38
turtle bottom of turtle bay the bottom turtle island the bottom of turtle island
00:58:44
the bottoms of turtle island the bottoms of turtle island that's what it's called the bottom the bottoms the turtle island see that great
00:58:51
but and it's got so many double enchantress because i mean the bottom of the gate community it also means the bottom of the bottom when we go down
00:58:57
right the bottom i want people listening to this right now you got to make movie posters you have to make a bottle of journal and maybe you know maybe animate
00:59:03
some of it i would love that i would love it it's a good movie look what pete actually wrote this
00:59:09
there's a masked dick sucking he wrote like six pages this that's amazing that's i felt like we talked more than that he took good notes okay good we rambled pretty heavily yeah yeah yeah we
00:59:22
oh recorded we haven't recorded yeah go back into our transcript and and just you know what i mean
00:59:28
andres you want your directing debut with andrew santino and bobby lee you got it kiddo i think this is the best movie i've heard the best pitch this is
00:59:36
a really good pitch imagine if we made i mean i know it's dumb and it's not going to get why i imagine if we made this
00:59:41
well why couldn't we make something so dumb this is i mean this is so dumb i would love to try how much fun would we
00:59:47
have making this movie yeah i mean i would do it the whole thing put the chopsticks in my head no you know how many bad reviews you
00:59:53
would get but it'd be help no but they would they would what every review would you get zero
00:59:59
percent around tomatoes right and then it would be a cult classic and then they'd be playing us at movie players all over the country people want but no
01:00:06
but here's the thing people know that we made it up on a podcast on the spot yeah so it's great
01:00:12
the absurdity of us actually making it yeah could be the thing i would love to make this movie wow we could just go do
01:00:18
it at catalina island yeah island the bottoms of turtle island the bottoms of turtle the bottom of the
01:00:24
island i really love that the bottoms of turtle island yeah i like that you guys are in andres do you like that
01:00:29
absolutely would you direct it andreas yeah the one thing i'm worried about is her fees and all that stuff like you
01:00:35
know she's going to be she's going to want a big the biggest trailer she's going to complain about god she's going to be like the worst
01:00:42
i want to double i'm going to double double trailer the one that will smith has with the bed i want two of those two of those i want
01:00:48
one for day shoots one for night shoots yeah and i'm not you know you know that when you make the statue you're not gonna do what did they call it a cast my
01:00:55
body no no no i'm gonna get a double for that because i'm gonna double for me i'm not doing that yeah and then your demands are so heavy dude i don't even
01:01:01
know if we can we'll have to just we'll have to like get someone that you know i don't know could do no i can
01:01:07
sleep on the island oh i don't need a trailer you don't you yeah she's from an island all right that's your yeah let's go in the tree did anything like this happen in the philippines a bit yeah
01:01:21
i think some of this stuff might have happened right yeah lucky gives yoshi i got to tell you this i hope i hope
01:01:27
this movie does kind of come together in some degree i never i haven't left so hard in so long i mean that was so what a [ __ ]
01:01:34
you know what's so fun about doing that i see it in my head i see the island i see the movie i see the island i see the
01:01:40
um you know the grim i don't know why we're picked see okay why redhead i would i would say we have to have a twist that shows why we were chosen not
01:01:52
because it's redheads and and eight no by the way those guys down there yeah it's it's just us it's like other i got
01:01:59
it right it's authentic i got it right here okay we put a shining we've some you we put a shining moment
01:02:04
in it where it's a little confusing and people don't know why so basically what happens is right we're in there we kill
01:02:10
the uh the goddess whatever and we're all goddess we're all downstairs we're all like
01:02:16
whatever she is right the demon right demon and we're all sucking each other's dick down in the bottom of this you know what i mean yeah
01:02:22
and then it cuts to right my liquor store the one i work at and right or my it cuts to my house my little squaller the the camera just kind of slowly moves
01:02:35
through my house right right and it zooms in where the toshiba television is right next to it
01:02:42
is a frame of a photo and of you me and her right just you know i mean playing in the yeah we're we're just playing in cabo or something
01:02:54
right and it zooms in right yeah it's us that we knew each other and the audience thinks what the [ __ ] right what is that what is that and i want people to you know talk about it
01:03:06
let them make it up right on the internet you may maybe they'll do a documentary about that right explaining right yeah one thing mr
01:03:12
mysterious i like it do you like that can i give one more go ahead yeah something like that can i give one more yeah
01:03:18
the liquor store that you work in you're a stock boy yeah okay so after the orgy party whatever right we cut back to new
01:03:25
york we go back yeah to the stock to the stock room yeah right the stock room the
01:03:30
stock where you work yeah and there's a little young korean boy who's being taught by the owner to stock
01:03:38
right you know another like another one in the cycle we got to go back to my job and and and the
01:03:44
guy goes to you could see the guy goes you want this job he's like yeah your new name is yoshi uh but that's not my name at all my name is mark
01:03:55
i know but to work here your name is yoshi yoshi right right he's like okay okay and it the way it the way it's
01:04:02
gotta tie together is put this chopstick in your hair right he's like this is really racist yeah
01:04:07
yeah it's like trust me trust me yeah yeah trust me light sugar fish okay that's very funny i know so okay so go back to nozawa oh yeah okay so
01:04:23
wait time out it has to all tie it inside wait this it has to all tie in right it has to all tie in so it's got
01:04:28
to be either i work or like we have to open with my job being shitty too we didn't do that we'll do that okay cut
01:04:34
back come back in the beginning of the movie right we're writing right now both work and live in dingy sad [ __ ] up disgusting
01:04:40
you work at like a you know uh a pub and but i'm in the basement i'm the stock boy yeah yeah i'm changing the
01:04:46
kegs yeah all that stuff you have a shitty shitty pub job and the pub is right next door right to the liquor
01:04:51
store to liquor store you work at a liquor store or don't you work at a chinese food place i feel like you do no liquor store are you sure it's not a
01:04:57
chinese food liquor store because but i'm liquor store when i see the pub right next door
01:05:03
is all right i work at a chinese place right chinese restaurant and the landlord yeah of the buildings yeah
01:05:15
right it's her right so this is what you do this is what you do got it this is what you do
01:05:21
forget it now you can see it right yeah thank you for that right go ahead so after the orgy in the bottom of the thing right
01:05:28
we cut to now right a camera moving into the chinese restaurant right right and it goes like there's a cashier and there's a busy restaurant people coming in and out right and it goes and there's
01:05:39
a photo of her on the thing right on the wall on the wall like she owns it right and it goes back into
01:05:46
right the pub right and it zooms in on a photo but she has red hair or not but the same
01:05:53
face same face red hair right right she's the only one rosie mccann yeah mccann yeah right right rosie mccann's
01:05:59
yeah and then okay right so rosie mccann is the owner here this is what she's trying to tell us we're right next door
01:06:05
to each other we've never met we literally cinematically how pretty you'd see the world of the story hold on okay you'd
01:06:11
see like look at how cinematically this would play andre's yeah you you see us and you see everyone partying in the bar and they see everyone eating in the
01:06:17
chinese food restaurant and you zoom down you know like when you can like put like go down to another floor you know what i mean but it's the same scene and
01:06:23
below in the floor that's where you're working then a dingy thing and you suck down there and everything is shitty instead yeah and i'm down and we're
01:06:29
literally one wall separating i got something better i got something rosie mckenna owns both oh what about this what about that rosie
01:06:34
chan owns yours after the the orgy in the box right yeah it says five years ago so now we're going back oh right okay we're going back and you and i uh-huh we're on a bus
01:06:49
like a greyhound bus yeah no we were on like a bus city bus oh okay city bus you're in one you know seat i'm in their
01:06:55
seat right and you know i'm reading you know i mean my book you know what i mean dumplings
01:07:00
or whatever it is right i make dumplings right and you know i mean we have this look
01:07:05
you look at me and i look at you in the bus yeah and we don't actually we want you know
01:07:12
what i mean are we gay i don't think so a lot of this stuff is us being gay i don't think we are i don't know i mean we should be at some point i don't think we are okay but
01:07:23
there was a moment right five years ago right that we [Laughter] it's a lesson or something right right right she just wanted us to take me right that's all this was that's all it
01:07:36
was right are we ever gonna explain how we ended up waking up on the island naked no oh wait what the [ __ ] the comedy
01:07:43
version yeah we caught two we go to like in the end credits it's literally rosie mccann comes
01:07:48
downstairs and she's like you know you had to change the guinness keg and he didn't do it again and i'm like sorry
01:07:54
rose and then she hits me on the head and i pass out and then someone comes down to yoshi yeah yeah
01:08:00
you didn't you know you haven't filled all the fortunately no no it takes it takes away from the hit you on the head you know it takes away from the like uh
01:08:06
the scary aspects of it the mystery i think because we you have to remember we wake up on an island buried naked
01:08:13
out of nowhere this is not like when we like in the beginning of the movie when we go to sleep right we both go to sleep
01:08:19
right an hour later we're in the middle of the pacific in some [ __ ] island right right so it's that like mysterious rosie
01:08:27
mccann in mine and rosie chan and yours yes exactly same person girl it's her same person right right but a different colored hair different look yeah this is good i like it it's still called the
01:08:37
bottoms of turtle island right are we gonna end on the orgy no because we have the cutaway scene
01:08:43
five years either we can do two things we either do the panning into the things seeing rosie's photo right or we could do both we'd do that right we pan pan right and then eight years ago you and i
01:08:55
were on a bus right right or maybe even younger something fell out of your pocket and i picked it up for you and i
01:09:01
handed it to you right and we kind of you hand it to me we kind of touch fingers right but we touch fingers a little too long
01:09:06
right right so you know i dropped something and this is how long we did touch your fingers right you hand it to me
01:09:12
and there's a little bit of this just like three little things like this and i go and i kind of
01:09:18
i do a smile and it's yours yeah do a little chuckle pull your hand away and do a chuckle
01:09:25
too much too big tone it down tone it down two obviously my bad right here here do it right now all right give
01:09:30
me you dropped your um your your how appropriate is this yeah yeah um oh your mask you dropped it
01:09:39
like that take mask take it like here we go first of all don't i don't want to work
01:09:46
out the scenes we're writing well we're trying to work it out right now and i'm writing all right give me the chuckle okay just give me the give me the light
01:09:51
chuckle that's perfect okay good so we do eight years then yeah but i know this is not film school kid will hate this we cut right back to the orgy
01:10:04
we do no because i'll tell you why you do because um i think this is a franchise
01:10:12
oh right [ __ ] we have to set up a sequel we have to set up a sequel we do right
01:10:19
okay so how do we go what we do is something else has to happen right just out of nowhere right so we do okay so we
01:10:26
go see the photos of her face on the restaurants right eight years ago on the bus right we do the thing right right
01:10:33
yeah we cut back to the orgy right yeah and everybody's like ah we're sucking each other's dicks right partying oh so
01:10:38
there's like right the [ __ ] it shakes everything shakes opens up about right and then like
01:10:45
eric griffin eric griffin's got to be in it man bobby what the [ __ ] is that what the [ __ ] you guys
01:10:52
no on what happens it opens up it opens up and we hear a voice yeah yeah and it says he who sucks hardest gets out first
01:11:03
whatever all right we think whoever's sucking the best yeah suck at hardest because right and we have to look at
01:11:08
each other everyone's going suck suck suck suck suck no no you wouldn't say sucks like if every okay if everyone's
01:11:14
competing because you can go like that you're gonna know everyone's competing if everyone's competing to get the [ __ ]
01:11:20
out there's one guy that's gotta ride they're not gonna encourage each other to suck each other's dick but it could be like this
01:11:25
suck no suck you wouldn't do that you wouldn't do that you this is what you'd see
01:11:30
the guy's saying all right yeah whoever sucks the heart is right immediately right and you just [ __ ] focused and during all this chaos i'm getting
01:11:42
sucked off right and you're stuck right but this feels so good amidst all the chaos amidst all the chaos it's all the chaos one guy bobby one guy
01:12:01
gets it get extricated one guy and he is gotta be that's the sequel that's the sequel and
01:12:07
i don't know what happens to him right he's our guy now one red and one one red and one yoshi gets to go up
01:12:14
right because you're not gonna go up and then i'm not gonna i'm gonna be in the sequel as well correct i know thank you all right all
01:12:19
right so sequel for yourself one yoshi and one lucky gets sucked up right we both get sucked up right not the
01:12:25
original guys right just two other guys right let's just open up with the second movie
01:12:31
let's just let's open up for the second book we both write and then the credits go right two right we're up right
01:12:37
right credits right the end turtle island already right right the music and then all over and everyone in the theater is like oh god we gotta wait a year for the
01:12:48
next one guess what you don't you really we released the second one a week later because we filmed the back to back like
01:12:54
the lord's rings right we had like a secondary time to back to the secondary game yeah we shot
01:13:00
two movies oh [ __ ] dude anyway oh god man i laughed so hard in that one of the most fun movies i think that will hit the theaters hopefully in 2022 2025 and if twenty-one
01:13:11
never uh bottoms up too much s and the d stuff but that's okay too much i feel like yeah way too much yes if i look if i was a film critic i mean i think the first thing is like i
01:13:22
think it was a little bit too much focused on the the the sexuality that being said
01:13:28
yeah pretty good film pretty scary pretty scary um honestly uh our fans please can you drop some man we should actually if you're a good artist can you draw some stuff for us so we can get we need to have a storyboard to be
01:13:40
able to pitch this we have a storyboard right we need like some art concepts we do need our concepts concepts so please
01:13:46
send in that stuff but don't just submit just to write to go i loved it don't do that please submit real art to this
01:13:51
submit real storyboards um i thought it was very good for just coming up with it i
01:13:58
loved it on the spot i loved it i thought it was a great movie yeah yeah i thought it was a great movie and i can't wait to make it a good writing team i
01:14:03
think yeah yeah we just we bounce well and pete pete uh we're gonna make an nft over this script that pete did and sell it on the internet for 800 million dollars yeah
01:14:14
um i want to take i want to let rudy take us out do the noi do thank you for being a bad friend and then the noise
01:14:19
into that camera go ahead rude thank you for being a bad friend it's scary [Music]