00:00:00
Hey. Hey. Oh, we're we're we're we're going back on tour. We're going back on tour in the fall.
00:00:06
We're going to be on the tour in the fall. We're going to Rochester. Rochester, New York. Then we're going to Northfield which is Cleveland. We're
00:00:12
going to Homestead which is basically Pittsburgh. Then we're doing two shows there and Boston Mass,
00:00:17
Boston, Massachusetts, Washington DC, Denver, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chicago,
00:00:22
Illinois, Minneapolis. Madison, Wisconsin. So go to badfriend.com for those tickets. Bad friends pod.
00:00:29
badfriend.com. Jesse has a couple of shows coming up. Go ahead. I got Wednesday, July 12th, I'm at the
00:00:35
Irvine Improv. I'm bringing some friends to open the show. And Friday, July or Saturday, July 15th, I'm in Bakersfield.
00:00:42
I'm new to this, so that's okay. You're doing fine. All the ticket links are on my website, jetskyjson.com. You'll see some Salt
00:00:47
Lake City and Vegas and Austin on there, too. Go check her out. Thank you, guys. You two are bad friends.
00:00:53
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:59
are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
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How is the uh Hawaii, dude? I know. So much. Kawabanga, dude. Kabanga.
00:01:11
Kawa banga. Aloha. Mahalo to you, my friend. Aloha. Mahalo to the Bad Friends fans. The first part of the tour is done.
00:01:17
Thank you so much for coming out on the first part of the tour. Yeah, we really appreciate it. It was amazing. It was incredible. Did you have fun?
00:01:23
It changed my life. In what way? Well, I know who my friends are.
00:01:29
That's fact. Not him. Not him. Yeah. Yeah. Not him. No, that's not true. That's not true. You block me all the time.
00:01:36
That girl lied. That's That's Carlos. Yeah. Yeah. That's Carlos. Think you're pushing away. Yeah. Yeah.
00:01:42
Yeah. It's like Batman so quick. No. This girl lied and said she didn't.
00:01:49
She was single. Then she shows up with her husband. Oh, thanks for reminding me that. I wasn't even thinking about that.
00:01:55
Oh, wait. I need to tell you a story that this is about that this is about what I'm at the event yesterday in Vegas.
00:02:00
Uhhuh. And a woman comes up to me and says, "Oh man, we're such huge Bad Friend fan, me and my husband." "Hey," he waves. I
00:02:06
said, "Hi, what's up?" She goes, "He, how do you wave?" "Hey," he waves. "Oh, like that." Okay. Yeah. And he goes, "Uh, we went to
00:02:12
Philly at the Met and you guys came out here for the tournament." She says, "Yeah, we loved It was so incredible."
00:02:18
And then he goes, "Ask him. Ask him." And I was like, "What?" And she goes,
00:02:23
"The girl that said her husband died at uh at a boating accident. She brought this up." And I said, "Yeah." And she
00:02:30
goes, "She was a plant, wasn't she?" I said, "No, we don't have any plants at our show." No, there's no such thing. There's no greenery. What do you mean
00:02:36
plant? No plants. No plants. The trees and stuff. Yeah. She wants to know if there was foliage, if they were part of the
00:02:41
foliage. She was like, "You guys plant her." I said, "We've never done that. Anyone that's from the audience that gets on a part of the show, it's organic
00:02:47
organic?" And she goes, "No way. You You guys did that." I said, "Lady, not only did we not plan her, she was a liar. Her
00:02:54
husband was alive." A lie. She said he died. Yeah. We believed it. Yeah. I We We had a moment of silence on
00:03:00
stage, I think. Well, then we were like, "Dude, dude." Cuz he died in a boating accident. We did make a lot of boat jokes. We did made a lot of very good ones, but
00:03:07
she comes backstage and she was just kind of um I mean, if you're listening, hi. Um but um it was a little weird back
00:03:14
there. It was clever of her. She tricked us. She bamboozled me. We brought them all back. her and her
00:03:19
three friends backstage and it got a little weird. I got mad. I I I think I got mad. Well, cuz you felt duped. You thought
00:03:25
her husband duped. You were not a duped guy. Nobody better dupe Bobby from now on. Speaking
00:03:30
of someone, Dude, dude, like during I was there during Pearl Harbor. That's a big dupe. And I was sleeping.
00:03:36
No, my cousin my Look, my cousin's in the US Navy, dude. That's right. That's right.
00:03:41
Right. I was sleeping in his bunk. We're at the second bunk, man. Yeah. Siren. You know what I mean? That's what
00:03:47
the sour and s Yeah, that's right. I go, "What going on? What going on?" Because, you know, I mean, I back then I had an
00:03:53
accent, right? Of course, it was a long time going on. What going on? Right. And explosions, this and that. My cousin
00:03:59
died. But my point is is that was trickery, too. That was bamboozlement. And I don't like it.
00:04:04
I got laid that night, too. Whoa. During Pearl Harbor? No. The night that that lady lied in the
00:04:09
green room. Yeah, cuz that's what you do. No, you grab me the liars. First of all, let
00:04:14
me say something right now. Okay. I'm not looking for anything right now. By the way, you're you're you're good. You're good
00:04:20
the way I'm good the way I am and the way life is. That's right. But my point is is that I know your heart and it's dark.
00:04:25
No, I was such a good friend to you the whole tour. No, you're not. That's insane. I had your back. I bought
00:04:31
you elf bars, jewel pods. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Some friend.
00:04:36
Yeah. I forgot you are our friend. This is such a 22nd century friend. I bought elf bars, jewel pods. I'm your
00:04:42
best friend. Yeah. But so thanks for those. But um yeah, let me think about it. And then um
00:04:49
and then I got closer to you and Jesse. That was good. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. And you got a face tattoo.
00:04:56
No, it's just starface. It's like for a pimple. I put it on there. But it's the pride one. Why?
00:05:01
Just Are you trolling? You know that's troll. This is called gay baiting and they don't like it. Really? Yeah. Yeah. No. In the gay community, they
00:05:07
think it's that's a very No, no, no. I just support get skin colored next time. Yeah. Okay. You don't even believe in the kind
00:05:14
of things you say about the LGBT. What do I say? What do I say about them other than
00:05:20
natural? They're going to hell. What do you mean? Oh my god, that's so No, on the bus you said they don't belong in the same
00:05:26
schools as us. I did not. You were the one that said that, man. You're right. You know what? You're
00:05:32
right. I got to tell you, though. Yeah. An all gay school would be very fun to visit.
00:05:38
Oh, I would I would go. Oh my god. Would they get any work done? I don't think so. Nothing would get taught singing everything.
00:05:44
It would just be just [ __ ] and partying. Yeah. You know, white out. You don't use white out. You just come come.
00:05:52
It works just as good. Yeah. You're gay baiting. It's actually It's actually I never said that. By the way, everyone
00:05:58
listening, I love the gays. I love the LGBT and the other letters that are I get longer.
00:06:03
Clearly, Bobby has never said that they should be in different schools. That's why would I say that? He said they should have different water fountains.
00:06:09
But that's I understand what he's saying when I think white people should have their own too and Asians should have their own
00:06:14
and the Asian one will be [ __ ] cleaner and it would have like other things that it does like the toilets. It's a little soy sauce uh dispenser.
00:06:21
You know the You know that we already have Why would I have soy sauce in the [ __ ] water? You guys always have rice on your person. You always have
00:06:26
a water fountain. We'd have another [ __ ] fountain for rice. No. No. Why not get two birds of one? Yeah.
00:06:32
By the way, we do have we do have Asian water fountains and white water fountains already. When you go look up
00:06:37
school water fountains, there's always one at regular height. There's always one load to the ground. Yeah, those are for the little people, dude. That's you, big dog. That's not for me.
00:06:44
Those are made for Asians. You can't You can't tell me those are made for There's not that many little people. Yeah. No, there's way more Asians. There's
00:06:50
billions of you guys. Yeah, they built that for you. Go to images in a school. Yeah, you can buy one though, too. Okay.
00:06:55
Can we have one of those inside of the office? You know what they should have then? Huh? The a one like on the roof for the
00:07:00
gigantitism. For gigantism. We should just do it for every size. You know what I mean? See, look. There they are. Put that up.
00:07:06
That's for me and for you. You know, that is me and you 100%. Yeah. And can I say something? We peed
00:07:11
one time in a [ __ ] bathroom together and I I had took the little one. Yeah. And you giggled. I did. What a piece of [ __ ]
00:07:17
But also, I can see over the divider, so I can see when you I can see your little penis in the in the thing. Not little penis, regular penis.
00:07:23
What is that? What's that? What are you doing? What is that? What are you doing? What are you doing? It's a kid with gigantism.
00:07:30
That's what a kid looks like with gigantism. Oh no. Oh no.
00:07:36
Carlos. Carlos. Carlos. Why would you start that? Thank God. Carlos,
00:07:41
why do you start? If you ever have a baby, it's going to come out all [ __ ] up. Yeah, 100%. It's going to have a hand here. It's
00:07:48
going to be You're going to be just the foot's going to be gigantis, and the hand's going to be [ __ ] scoliosis. It's going to be a whole
00:07:54
thing for Jerry and all that. All that. You're done, dude. Don't ever have a baby, dude. Cuz you're evil,
00:07:59
dude. You're an evil boy who who gay baits. And I I'm evil cuz for I laugh every time he puts out a [ __ ] up thing. I
00:08:05
laugh. It's so not good. You know what a girl said to me? Actually, this bothered me a lot. I've never seen a baby with
00:08:12
I've never seen it either. Thank you. God bless. Thank you. Thank you. You're earning some points.
00:08:19
A girl a girl said to me, "I should be repulsed by Carlos." Yeah, but I'm oddly attracted to him. A random
00:08:26
girl said that to me. Yeah. In Vegas. A girl goes, "I should be repulsed." She go, "I love bad friends."
00:08:31
I said, "Thank you." She said, "I should be repulsed by Carlos verbatim." She goes, "But I'm oddly attracted to him."
00:08:37
And I said, "What is it?" And she goes, "I think cuz he's like an honest little grimy weirdo."
00:08:43
And I That was such a great phrase, "An honest little grimy weirdo." That's what um the liar girl, she said.
00:08:49
I was Bobby's sneaky little friend. And I'm like, "Oh, that's a great way to describe me." Why? You're not sneaky. You're grimy.
00:08:56
Okay. Yeah, you're grimy with a little sneak. With a hint of sneak little babe sneaky with a sneak. I did something grimy a couple weeks
00:09:03
ago. Tell us more. I went to a milking table. What do you mean? Wait, wait. You wait.
00:09:09
No. I like Clockwork Orange. One of those bars. No, no, no. Not like Not like the I love those. You were drinking milk.
00:09:16
No, no, no. Not the hallucinogenic milk. No. I went to this. It's like reverse massage
00:09:22
where you get on a table and there's a hole. We had one of these in the first season of Dave. We premiered. We had it on the
00:09:27
show. I pull into the garage and he's getting milked. You put your [ __ ] through a table and they milk you from the bottom.
00:09:33
Exactly. I went to one of those. Wait a minute. You went to You went to There's a place that has these? No, it's just someone's apartment. But I was going to say,
00:09:39
but she's certified in milking, I guess. Wait, so how many people were getting milked? It was just me. Wait, wait, wait. It's somebody that you
00:09:45
met on an app? No, it was like through a website. A website? So, it's a sexual thing that
00:09:50
you paid. How much was it? It It's cheaper than you'd think because there's no sex. It was only 200. And
00:09:56
then you you you put your penis through there and then what happens? And then she goes under and milks you
00:10:01
like you're a cow or something. And you have to move. You don't do you have to
00:10:07
How funny would that be? You don't have to move, but she Yeah, she uses her hands or her mouth. Anything.
00:10:13
But what did she use? Is there a bucket? Mouth and hands. There's no bucket. Is there a spit bucket? Her mouth is the bucket.
00:10:19
Wait, wait, wait, wait. She So you you stick your dick through the thing. She show you up and when it comes out she
00:10:24
she gets some protein. What the [ __ ] is going on? Exactly. Yeah. I don't think she might have a protein deficiency. She
00:10:30
might have a deficiency. This might be a a solution to her problems. Yeah, that's a good thing then. I got to tell you. Was she hot?
00:10:35
No. She's underneath the milking table. No, I thought she was attractive. She could have been hotter. But you know why you thought she was
00:10:41
attractive? Cuz she was 1 in the morning and she milked you. Yeah, exactly. Wow. P could milk me. I'd be like, she's
00:10:46
all right. She's kind of hot. So, you got milked. You pay $200. You say thank you and go home or you chat.
00:10:52
I usually Is there a chat? I chat for a second. I'm like, "Oh, how's the night going? Are you busy?"
00:10:58
Like, uh, and I'm always like, "Get the [ __ ] out of here." Yeah. Yeah. I'm always like, "Be safe." Like, "I can help it." You know,
00:11:03
be safe. Yeah. Like, you know, what does that even mean? Like, I'm a nice client, but you know, you don't know about the next.
00:11:08
She's letting people into her house to be milked. What's Where's the safety net? Well, I hope that she had like if
00:11:15
someone walks in and she gets a weird feeling that she's like, "Sir, can you please leave?" weird feeling like a random guy that comes over to put his
00:11:21
dick through a table and get milked. Yeah, but some are cool. Like I was I passed the test to be led through the door.
00:11:26
It's a riddle like Gollum. No. No. It's all energy. It's all energy. Uh what's my energy like?
00:11:33
You can get milked. Well, what about him? I'm not going to get I don't want to get milked. I If you would, does he have the milk
00:11:38
energy? No, I don't think he has milk energy. He has like undercover cop. That's what I'm saying. I would that
00:11:44
right under cop. You guys are [ __ ] busted. No, you're seriously busted. I am a cop. You're
00:11:51
going to jail. Pete, put your [ __ ] hands down. You're not going to jail. You're his partner. Jeez. Yeah. Does he Does he look like a
00:11:57
Yeah, Pete looks like a cop cop. He looks more like a cop than I do. He looks like a Long Island cop. He's the guy at the station telling
00:12:02
everyone where to go. I have a question though. Um the dispatcher when you take Are you completely naked?
00:12:08
Yeah, they say get comfortable so they know you're not naked and then are you because I don't get it. When you're laying on the table,
00:12:14
are you not you're not hard at that point? I'm getting there because I'm I'm so excited. Let me ask you something. When the milk
00:12:20
cow I don't know because I've never talked to a cow before, but when the cows are being milked I'm right here, right? Well, you're you wouldn't be
00:12:26
milked cuz you're a man. Are you a woman? Mhm. Okay. Do they get I mean, cuz it's a titty,
00:12:33
right? Do they get aroused? If they get a little aroused, like that feels good, you think?
00:12:38
Yeah. There's got to be some payoff for them. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how nature works. There's got to be a feeling.
00:12:43
Depends on how built up the milk is in the teeth of the cow. The pleasure is more relief of being milked. Yeah. So, and it's like when you take a piss when
00:12:49
you're like, "Ah, that kind of feel." Oh, it's not a sexual rel. But, but sometimes taking a piss feels in like sex. It's incredible. When you have to
00:12:55
piss real bad and you let one rip in the morning and you're like, "My god, it just it feels like you you you did
00:13:01
something. You completed a task." I peeing. I just feel really good when I take my first piss in the morning. I feel
00:13:06
incredible. I look in the mirror. Yeah. Don't you stare in the mirror right after you pee and you know it's so
00:13:11
nice. You ever have pee contemplations at 4 in the morning? If I should get up and pee or just piss
00:13:17
the bed. No. You wake up and you go, I think I have to pee, but I'm so tired. Oh, yeah.
00:13:22
And go and then you have that little contemplation like should I go now? But I end up always going.
00:13:28
I go, have you ever had one where you where you feel like you're peeing in your dream and it wakes you up and it's like last second you got to go otherwise
00:13:33
it's coming out. Oh, I've never had that. Oh yeah, I've had that multiple times where it's about to come out. my dream. I'm pissing in my dream and my body's
00:13:40
like, "Get up. Get up." You know what I had one time in my dream the other week? I spit and it woke me up and I had spit
00:13:46
on my pillow. Oh, really? Yeah. Night spits. Is night spitting a thing? Cuz I I I've
00:13:51
had it multiple times now. Oh. So, so while you look that up, what's the deal? I got a massage. Of course, I get naked
00:13:57
every time. Drooling in your sleep isn't uncommon. Not a sign of health problems. Sometimes people produce saliva they can swallow. Yeah, I guess. Sleep apnea.
00:14:03
That's what I got. I want to know what you were dreaming about when you spit. It's got to be a scenario. I was looking at a picture of you
00:14:10
and you spit on the headshot. No, it's a head shot of me. You know what I was? I think I was in the dream. I was like had a chewing or
00:14:18
something and I was spitting in my dream. Like we were walking and spitting and talking. So, do you get naked in a massage
00:14:25
or you leave your underwear on? Well, I mean, if it's a guy, I never have a guy. I always have a
00:14:30
woman. Well, then I I don't get completely naked. You don't? I do. You do with a guy? With a girl. When you have a female
00:14:36
masseuse and they say get get dressed down to your comfort level, do you not get naked? If it's at the gym, no. If it's
00:14:42
at a massage place. Oh, I've never been to a real massage place. Like Burke Williams. Bur dude. Yes. Pause. This guy never
00:14:50
been to a massage place. Well, you've been to a milking apartment and
00:14:56
you've never been to a massage place? Well, I at the gym in your 39 years of life. How old are you now? 36.
00:15:01
36. 36 years. You've literally never went to a professional massage parlor.
00:15:07
No, only at Equinox have I done it. Yeah, but that's a spa. That's a spa. That's the same thing.
00:15:13
Yeah. And you paid? Yeah. Okay. Who knows with this guy? Yeah, but of course I paid.
00:15:18
Okay. But there But is it a private room or is it amongst all the gym equipment? I never been to No, it's a private room.
00:15:23
Yeah, it's like a spot. Proper spot. I never got I don't think I got completely naked. Pete, what do you do? I
00:15:28
I just just boxers. I don't get completely naked. You get naked every time. Yeah, I don't know.
00:15:34
It's weird, I think. Is it? Yeah. Wait, really? Cuz they go take all your clothes off. They say dress dress down to your
00:15:40
comfort level. And that's your comfort level. Completely naked. I sleep naked. I love being naked. And
00:15:45
you sleep naked? Yeah. Every night insane. Why you sleep all the liquids that come out?
00:15:51
What comes out? What are you talking about? Nothing should come out at night. Okay. You have two holes down there.
00:15:56
One, two. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's seven all together. Yeah, there is. No. One.
00:16:02
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah. There's seven all together. Tricks have 10.
00:16:08
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 10. Yeah. But what liquid's coming out?
00:16:13
Well, those are the two holes. They have the out of all the liquids that can come out of your body. Those are the two, you
00:16:20
know, I mean, forbidden holes. I know. But what comes out at night? I don't leak at night. You leak at night.
00:16:25
You can fart. You spray things. You know, I just realized someone had asked me a friend of a friend who I really respect who's much older was like, "I
00:16:31
got to listen to your podcast." And now I'm like, "Shit, is he This is This is going to be his interview show this week. Is a milking table and leaking at
00:16:37
night." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you don't leak at night, do you? What do you leak when you Okay, have you heard this? Have
00:16:42
you heard this? Have you heard this? When you fart, right, and you can smell it, right? There's particles in the air.
00:16:49
I move the blanket over when I fart. I know. But still, I fart outside the bed. I literally will raise my ass up, move the blanket.
00:16:54
So, there's particles on the side. Well, they're on the side of the bed by the dog. Where the dog is? By the dog. Okay. So, for me, it's like I you if you wear
00:17:01
underwear or whatever on boxers, the particles may stay in your underwear. No. No, they don't. They don't. I guess it doesn't make any sense.
00:17:06
Look, do show a fart. Show infrared fart going through boxers. They Someone had to have put this on the internet,
00:17:12
maybe. And you don't have any pre that comes out? No. Look at Watch. Okay. Look. Look at that little pity
00:17:18
pooty. Whoa. Infrared farts are incredible. That's incredible. By the way, this technology was
00:17:23
developed for NASA. Yeah. And the military. And now we use it for this. This is what's great about the
00:17:28
human race. Well, that's how the predators hunt their people through the farts. Look at this little fart dog. Yeah. Poop.
00:17:36
When your dog farts, does she Did they look up at you or do they not? They pretend like it never happened
00:17:41
when they fart. When the dog farts. No, he just ignores it. Well, I have four of them. They just ignore it.
00:17:47
She know. She does a thing now where it used to be when she was young, she would fart and then move about like it it just
00:17:52
didn't happen or she didn't really realize it. But now she'll fart and then look right up at me.
00:17:58
Yeah. And I'll go, "What did you just do?" And then she goes,
00:18:03
"A little breath." Like she knows she was a bad little bad to tutti booty. I was hung up with this girl a couple months ago and in the bed I I
00:18:10
You farted. I pumped. No, I pumped in. When I pumped in, something pumped out.
00:18:17
It was a pump in out kind of I've done that. So I I I farted. When I Oh, you farted.
00:18:22
Yeah. I thought you meant she farted. No, no, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I And I my mind
00:18:28
I'm like, you know, do you acknowledge it, right? I did and I go like I said it like that.
00:18:33
Sorry. Sorry. Were we in Canada? I know. I mean, that's how I sorry
00:18:40
and she didn't she couldn't like her eyes went like like you know what I mean? Like she couldn't believe her eyes
00:18:47
went you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Like should I end it? You know what I mean? Like I want it done.
00:18:52
No. Yeah. When have you done that? No. I've never farted while [ __ ] No.
00:18:57
Well, you pump when you pump in. You pump out. But there's sometimes when you But there's sometimes when you take it out that it goes and it gets a little bit of
00:19:04
Oh, that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But that's like That's them, not us. That's Yeah, that's a trauma que.
00:19:10
Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That that's a [ __ ] queefing out of
00:19:16
trauma or but that's why I said this when you get older especially if you're in a relationship like Pete knows
00:19:22
you have a big dinner you're not [ __ ] when you're young you can go out to eat have a meal have dessert have coffee you
00:19:29
go home and [ __ ] you get older you're eating dinner I'm not we're not I'm not boning after we eat a big meal
00:19:35
it's I don't I'm I'm going to fart she's going to fart you're going to roll over make no your stomach's going to be
00:19:40
growling Oh so you guys you guys fart in front of each other No. Well, I mean, I do. She She really rarely does. She rarely farts
00:19:47
in front of me. Do you poo? I mean, does she Does she She hasn't pooed since I met her. I know, but when she does she close the
00:19:53
door when she poos? Yeah, I do. You don't close the door when you [ __ ] Well, I think that's the problem with
00:19:58
Colia and I. We just kind of like I took a sh I would take a shower while she taking a [ __ ] Absolutely not.
00:20:04
[ __ ] I think we That's not good. I think we figured it out. What? I think that was the I think that's the
00:20:09
problem. I think that was the problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you start doing things like that, it's like it takes away from It's cool to be comfortable, but if
00:20:15
you're in the shower when she's pooping. Yeah. Vice versa. Absolutely not. Yeah. And do you want to be in the same
00:20:21
bathroom? You have You have more than one bathroom. I have three. Yeah. Well, what the [ __ ] are you doing in the same bathroom then?
00:20:26
Yeah, that's true. Okay. In the future and the next love of your life. Yeah. No, no, no.
00:20:32
No farting either. Nah, you can fart. I don't want to. It's so natural. I know. But you've smelled mine.
00:20:37
Yeah, they're bad. Hold them in there. They're so bad. This guy wrecked the van twice. He'd be asleep in the back of the van. Who? Me?
00:20:42
You. Yeah. And let it in life. The worst smelling thing in life. Second, my fart. What's number
00:20:49
one? Carlos's breath. Okay, I got it. Yeah, I caught insane. I'm insane.
00:20:56
Then that's not true. Carlos, although a guy did I broke your heart. No, you got sad.
00:21:02
No, no, no. I don't look at me. He did it. Now, you got sad there for a sec. We got in a fight backstage a couple
00:21:08
times about it. about it. You did with Bobby. He one of the things you fisherman's friend the strongest men in
00:21:15
the world. Yeah. And those things didn't stand a chance. They melted in his hand before they got
00:21:21
out of his mouth. They committed suicide. Like his body was 9/11.
00:21:29
You were tower two. Yeah. Yeah. Tower, too. Oh my god.
00:21:35
Hair story. Man, we love it. Rick uses it. Use it, right? Yeah. It's really, really good. In fact,
00:21:40
I tried another product recently cuz I was out and I'm like, "No, no, no. I want to go back to Hair Story and I have to pick it up."
00:21:45
And I'm going to tell you, this is the truth. Hair Story is the best known for its hero product, new wash. The first of its kind custom formula that cleans,
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conditions, detangles, restores hair without harsh foams and damaging detergents found in traditional shampoo. You know, that's what the woman who cuts
00:21:57
my hair and also by let me say the woman who cuts my hair, of course, because of show business. She's a a a lead. She's
00:22:03
she's a new watch gives you your best hair day with all the celebrities. You can use a
00:22:08
the head the head of the You can use new wash however you like as it never what she says for cleans gives you the
00:22:15
that's what she says. So read all you want but I'm telling you firsthand a woman who not only does my
00:22:21
hair movie star hair story that's what she uses. You know why formula is made with gentle ingredients.
00:22:27
Aloe vera, sunflower seed oil, jojaba seed oil. That's what she said. Yeah. And evening primrose oils. By the
00:22:33
way, they balance, they smooth, they strengthen, nourish, and they clean your hair. By comparison, traditional shampoo is the worst thing you could
00:22:38
a lot of times it strips a lot. It has parabens. It cause rashes. You may not even realize you have an intolerance to it. But if you want to you have a new washri
00:22:46
look in your hair, Rick, do a little shake for us. I'll tell you something. Not only is traditional shampoo bad for your hair,
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it's also bad for our planet and you care about this planet. Bobby and Rick, I know you do. Hair story does things a
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the code bad friends at hairstory.com at checkout. Vroom. Vroom is the better way to buy and sell used cars. Look for your next
00:23:29
ride. Go to vroom.com now to shop thousands of cars right from your phone. Don't you hate going to the car lots?
00:23:35
I hate going to the car lots. I hate having to wait for somebody to help me. I also hate when somebody finally does. I know they're only interested in making
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their commission, but not Vroom. Andrew, tell us a little. Let me tell you something. With Vroom, you're never going to have to haggle or
00:23:46
negotiate the price of a car. So, you know you're going to get a good deal. Bob, best of all, when you buy a car from
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Vroom, they'll deliver straight to you. You have a full week or 250 mi, whichever comes first, to make sure your
00:23:58
new ride is right for you. And when you sell your car, you get an immediate offer from Vroom in as little as 2
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don't have to be selling a car to Vroom, but if you want to browse thousands of cars instantaneously and uh wet your whistle a little bit, why don't you go
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to vroom.com and check it out right now. Bob, tell them where to go. Vroom. It's the better way to buy and sell your used cars. So, head over to
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vroom.com now to see what your current ride is worth and check out thousands of cars and to find your next one. That's
00:24:27
vroom.com. vroom.com. We have a guest that showed up to say
00:24:32
hello to us. What are these chairs? Is this a You guys are like the most successful podcast.
00:24:38
They're They're like legit like 900 bucks. Yeah, that's Gucci. What does $900 have to be with? Nice. This is a
00:24:43
They're from France. Oh, yeah. Gucci. Yeah, those are Gucci from France. It's It's the
00:24:48
Let me say something. Can we introduce my friend to here or what? Go ahead, baby. Sure, we're going. Yeah. Yeah, we've been going. I got a bud for my bud, by the way. I
00:24:55
don't care if you're trans or not. Those are like That's a good beer. Yeah. I
00:25:00
Yeah. Yeah. Let me uh let me pretend to be the CEO. Did you see him get interviewed about this? No.
00:25:05
It's a very funny clip. Like ask me if I would do this campaign again knowing that no the knowledge I have now.
00:25:11
What's his name? Do you know? I don't remember. Look up CEO of Bud Bud Light who that that guy right there.
00:25:17
That photo. What's his name? Brendon Witworth. Excuse me. Mr. Witworth. Knowing what you know now, if
00:25:22
you could go back and change the campaign that you did, what would you do differently?
00:25:27
Well, I'll tell you, you know, but we're going to continue to listen to the fans and we're going to listen to the consumers and we're going to continue to
00:25:33
strive to make some of the best beer that's ever been consumed on planet Earth. That's what we're going to keep doing. I I'm I'm going to I'm still a drinker.
00:25:41
See what I mean? It worked. That scene though was great. It worked. If I did a movie
00:25:46
Yeah. based on this guy, I would have kept that in. That would have kept in. Would he be related to JG Witworth?
00:25:52
JG Witwit. Cur 877 cash. Ow. It's my money and I want it now.
00:25:58
You know what? He just got himself a $40,000 ad for free at least. Rick. Um, Bobby,
00:26:04
what up? Hi. I like your socks. Rick's about to leave the country tomorrow. So, where you going?
00:26:10
Uh, I'm going I'll give you an impression. You'll figure you'll figure it out right away.
00:26:17
Jamaica. This London. Oh, [ __ ] Jamaica. You got to guess
00:26:23
what? Show them. Show them what Jamaican is. Jamaican.
00:26:28
Yeah, this would be Jamaican. Yeah, this is Jamaican. Oh, hello. I'm Jamaican.
00:26:35
This is Jamaican. Oh, yeah. Uh, baby boy. So, you going to London tomorrow? No, no, no. I'm going to uh a few
00:26:42
places. Uh going back home to Ohio to be with the family. I'm going to be going to New York and
00:26:47
New Jersey to be with be with my lady and to do some comedy. You got some gigs set up? I don't have
00:26:53
any gigs set up yet. No, I'm going to be with my lady, but while I'm there, I'll do some gigs. Well, I I have to say something. Um, you
00:26:59
know, me and Andrew have been on the road. I've been seeing. Yeah. And Wow. We do a lot of meet and greets and
00:27:04
stuff. Very cool. And a lot of times we have to sign your cards. Tao cards. I told you about I called you
00:27:10
about this. My cards. They're your cards. Well, they're tao cards. You don't have any? No, but they're your cards.
00:27:16
We have two of them right up there sitting on our desk. Yeah, we do. Bobby doesn't have a set. You brought more.
00:27:21
I love this, Rick. But my point is is that and in my mind I'm like, "Oh,
00:27:26
this guy I think that you're really coming up in the in the world and people really are big fans of yours and uh
00:27:33
congratulations. Thank you." Honestly, the amount of cars we signed of these so many people, you know, I
00:27:39
have to give a shout out then to the artist Scott Her who is a Marvel illustrator who's incredible. He does Marvel stuff. He does a lot of Marvel stuff and he
00:27:45
does those. These are so These are so cool, man. And and people come up. Bobby, you suggested to be towed, so I hope you're not insulted.
00:27:50
No, I love it. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what else would I be? Uh, Captain America. Okay. [ __ ] I could have been Captain
00:27:56
America. What am I? Would you do a Captain America impression of Bobby if you were Captain America? If he was Captain America.
00:28:05
It's good. Go away. Is that good? Yeah. I don't have an accent.
00:28:10
You and Air and Eric. I really don't have an accent. What are you talking about? Yeah, you do. I do. Go away, baby.
00:28:16
There it is. Captain America. Yeah, but is that Captain America? Is that an English accent? Whoa. Go. Am I sounding like a Captain
00:28:22
America? You do. Go away or get Iron Man around here to get you, too.
00:28:27
Iron Man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. These things are Stop [ __ ] complaining about the chairs, man.
00:28:32
Bert broke that one. Yeah. I'm sorry. Thanks for coming. I love you.
00:28:38
Is that what you say to every girl you have sex with now?
00:28:43
I I'm saying it as a nice thing cuz you're a good lover. Answer it. Yeah. You know what?
00:28:48
I appreciate you coming. It helps my selfworth. Yeah. But if you're wondering, yeah, you get
00:28:53
them at typocards.com. Who gives a [ __ ] Yeah, who gives a [ __ ] Just buy them. And I like your sweater, too. That's dope. Thank you. What is it?
00:28:59
Corridor. How did you know that? I was on their website earlier. You were on this website
00:29:04
earlier. I didn't know their brand until I saw this thing a week ago. Is it a good brand? Corridor.
00:29:09
Yeah, I'll send you link. Send it to me. Can I get the same one or no? Yeah. I don't understand the thing where
00:29:14
people like, "No, no, no. I have that shirt." Wear the shirt. Yeah. Let's all wear the shirt. I would love for us all to wear
00:29:20
the shirt. I kind of want to have shirts at a lot of You don't want your best friend to have it.
00:29:25
Why? Because it's your best friend. You're going to see him in it. He's going to see you in it. Please. How many times a week is he going to wear this? Four.
00:29:31
Oh, those are cute. That's it. That's the one. It's $795. Holy [ __ ] man. Oh, it's about as nice as this chair.
00:29:39
Selling a lot of Taiso cards. I got to tell you, that's that chair is more expensive than that sweater. So,
00:29:44
that's a deal. That's pretty much a deal. That's a pretty good deal. I was thinking, why don't you go on the road
00:29:50
because so many people know who you are now. I'm I'm starting it now. He's doing it. You're gonna play the club.
00:29:55
Go to esester on ice.com to find my uh to find my tour dates. Okay, good. Go check them out. You're so
00:30:01
funny. No, that's Esther Pitzky's site. I uh don't I don't have a tour setup yet. But you need to just you like stream her
00:30:07
site to yours somehow and make it so when you go to her site, it goes to yours. I know I could make mine go to hers, but
00:30:13
I don't know if I could do that. Well, we could just try to hack it somehow and make hers go. Do you have hacker fans? Yeah. Pizza
00:30:18
Hacker. That's how we met him. Pizza Hacker. Sure. Then get me some without cheese. Well, no. No. There's no cheese.
00:30:25
Good. Yeah. We We made sure there's That's a cool pizza joint. Pizza Hacker. Pizza Hacker. Pizza Hacker.
00:30:31
Yeah. Get the pie. Good. Right. I just made that up. It's pretty good.
00:30:37
Get the pie. Get No, you the P though. So you go pizza hacker, get the
00:30:45
pie. But it's pi 3.14 pi. Right. Right. Pizza hacker. Get the
00:30:52
pie. Yeah. Would you like to invest? How much?
00:30:58
$795. Or if you got a killer sweater, you know, we take sweaters. We've been
00:31:03
taking sweaters for years. Yeah. Can you get me a rug? Uh, are you going to are you going to
00:31:09
throw his commercial now? Because if so, we'll get you a rug. Go ahead. Snap to it. All right. Yeah. Yeah. So, here's what
00:31:15
we're going to need from you. Uh, send show a picture of where you want it to go. Approximate size. Is it
00:31:20
But is it old? I feel like you you have oldtimey Jew rugs. Yeah. I don't want old timey Jews. What do you want? New Christian rugs.
00:31:26
You want new Christian rugs? What did that come out? That came out great.
00:31:31
That came out anti anti-Semitic. No, that came out. I love Jews. I just hate their old rugs. No, that's not what I'm saying. Is this
00:31:37
what I'm saying? No, I buddy put the Jew in there. We got one of a kinds. But we also go my
00:31:43
what we would do is you would show me your colors and style influences. And my dad would send you some manufacturer websites. Manufacturer websites. Many of
00:31:50
them not even Jewish. You look through, you see what you like, and my dad has a saying, Andrew. Shorten the showroom. That's right.
00:31:56
We'll find a few things you like. Pick something out. We'll send it out. Okay, let's do it. I need a rug.
00:32:02
But they are Jewy rugs. Fine. I'll do a Jewey rug. It sounded weird when I said it and I didn't mean it to come.
00:32:07
I walk on them. They go, "Oi." Oh, how constantly they really complain. The rugs.
00:32:14
What does oi covort mean? It means I'm out my back. Oh my back. Covolt is back.
00:32:20
No. Kavoit is back. Kavo. Yeah. Keep head. Covaltum. Is this going in and out?
00:32:26
No. Great for sure. That's great. It's doing great.
00:32:31
What's What's There it is. Oh, there it is. Is that a Nickelodeon neck neck chain?
00:32:38
Well, that's that. There you go. I did double dare. Yeah.
00:32:44
You didn't do double dare. I went I was uh I went to a double dare event. I wasn't one of the contestants. They said that I was too They said I was
00:32:50
too um Jewish. This was the '9s. Oh, so they said the other one. They
00:32:56
said No, they said we already have a Jew. Do you remember that big nose with the slime that the flags that came out for the picture?
00:33:02
That was actually Jewish Whitmore. That's Jewey Whitmore. Jewie Whitmore. Whitmore, Whitmore, and
00:33:08
Cabal. Yeah. And Cabal. Whit Whitmer. Whitmer and Cabal. Yeah. He's one of the best. Yeah. He got strong recently.
00:33:14
Yeah. What happened? He got He got that superhero movie. Once you land one of those, it's over. Yeah.
00:33:20
That's crazy. He used to be a comedian. Yeah. That's why we don't want you to be Captain America because then this whole thing would go [ __ ]
00:33:26
I could be one. Bobby said he was going to get start a training regiment to get in shape and
00:33:31
get jacked by Oh, you're going to get [ __ ] by a whole bunch of guys. Yep. Because that's the only training Bobby will ever do. But we'll be right back.
00:33:38
No, it is good to be here. You know, it make you make me happy and sad at the same time. Why do I make you happy? When I see you, your face, I just love
00:33:45
you. I really do. I I think we're friends and I I look at you and I just I It's a It's a It's a ball of
00:33:50
How come you're not looking at me? There we go. Yeah. Yeah. There's just so much energy and all that. It's great. Do you Did you see how I came in kind of
00:33:56
calm though? You did. You came in great. I'm I'm coming in calm. You had to go pee. Yeah. I didn't know that you were
00:34:02
starting. I thought maybe you were doing something else. No, we started earlier, but we we just wanted to see you come in. We wanted to see your vibe when you
00:34:08
walked in. How was it? Sunglasses. Pretty cool, right? Pretty strong. The Nickelodeon chain is probably
00:34:14
pulling most of my focus. These guys like the sweater, but I I've kind of been pining for that. I'm not going to lie. Chris Pining.
00:34:21
Uh, I have a surprise for you. Pinearing. Chris, dude, if you do a Chris Pine impression, could you come in and do Chris Pine?
00:34:26
No, he can't. Makes sense. I mean, yeah, he can't with that guy. How long impression to do Chris Pine?
00:34:33
No, it's not. Do one. Fine. Uh, what's the uh Wonder Woman?
00:34:38
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me be Wonder Woman. Ching ching.
00:34:43
Careful. Racist. I guess you could say. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of all people. Well, that was me clinking my [ __ ]
00:34:49
two times. Clink. What would you say would happen if you have a weakness in your armor? What would you call it? Clink in the armor.
00:34:54
Oh, it's not what I meant. But clink is a racial term. Oh, you
00:34:59
[ __ ] dirty clink. I've heard that before. Yeah, it's a pl. Get in that hole. Clink. It's a plumber's wife. It's a derogatory
00:35:05
term for a plumber's wife. So, um I You do Wonder Woman. [ __ ] it. No, you're doing it. You're
00:35:10
clinkling. I'm Wonder Woman. Go ahead. Whoa, dude. That's Chris. That was Kiana
00:35:17
Reeves. Oh, I was thinking of Matrix. Oh, okay. I guess I can't do a Chris Pine.
00:35:22
No, I don't think anybody can. It's really hard because he's kind of very like
00:35:28
Dude, that was it. He's he's like brooding and approachable though. I think he's an underrated movie star.
00:35:34
I really think underrated. Yeah, he's When people are thinking of like movie stars, no one is like Chris
00:35:41
Pine. They're always like Tom Hanks. Chris Hemsworth. They give him the other one. Chris Hemsworth. That's That's where
00:35:46
he's supposed to be. I'm a huge JJ Abrams Star Trek fan. Yeah, he's they're fans. I think he's I think everyone in there
00:35:53
nails it. I fell in love with Benedict Cumberbatch from that Star Trek series. And then I watch Who did he play? Um,
00:36:01
Bach. Sebastian Bach. Is is he not on the show? It is a one-cllable name. I think like
00:36:06
Zorn. Yeah. No, I know. You know what it is? Because in the original movie, they did a movie with the with, you know, I mean,
00:36:12
the original cast. Oh, yeah. You were You were one of the It's called Wrath of Khan. Khan. Khan. He played Khan.
00:36:17
Khan. Isn't that cool that I know that, but how do you know that? Because I hear things and I tell it's the same thing with Harry Potter. I hear things. I don't know what it is, but I
00:36:23
hear it. Man, he was good in that. Harry Potter. Khan. Benedict Cumberbatch. Oh, we could
00:36:28
do that. Let me do and then I watch the See if you can finish it. Okay.
00:36:35
Very good. Very, very good. Good. Yeah, you know. Yeah. You know it.
00:36:40
And it was Wow. [Music]
00:36:48
Yeah. Was that it? That was good. See what I mean? I'm embedded in the Sounds like when Han Zimmer has diarrhea.
00:36:55
Do you know that in Star in Star Trek it starts out with, you know, for they're they're going on a mission for 5 years.
00:37:02
That's because they wanted that's 5 years to hit syndication and that's why they did that. Interesting. 100 eps.
00:37:07
Yeah. What if they said that they're going on a mission for 100 episodes? That's funny. That came out along that that was made the same time uh the show
00:37:14
as the Mission Impossible show and the network only wanted to pick up one of them and they were going with Mission Impossible. And you know who made Star
00:37:20
Trek a thing? Who? Lucio Ball. All wow. Yeah. She she was an executive producer
00:37:25
and she was like, "No, we like this." And then they ended up doing both of them. Can we get a moment of silence real fast for Alan Arin?
00:37:31
God, man, he was a good It's a bummer.
00:37:37
Yeah. That's one of those where you read it and you go, "No, don't do that. Not him." He's he's he's a guaranteed laugh in
00:37:42
everything he's done. He's so good. He's a good actor. You were great. You would have been a great Spock. Um I there was almost made
00:37:50
a documentary on on Leonard Nemoy. He was a rug. Oh, he was one of He was a rug. No, he
00:37:56
was bald. Was he? What? Yeah. Yeah, he was a rug. Yeah, a rugman. You're saying he wore a rug?
00:38:02
He's a rugman. We're going to refer to Jewish actors as rugman. That's fine.
00:38:08
I'm going to start referring to Go for it. Go for it. Search. Hunt for it. Go for it. You're right there. I
00:38:14
feel it. I already know what it is. We'll say it. Whitmore. Thank you.
00:38:19
Call 877 cash now. 877 cash now. It's my money. I want it right now.
00:38:27
I love that woman that yells out the window. She just leans out of a window in New York. It's my money. I want it
00:38:33
now. To a city to just a random city. Can I be honest with you? I literally have no idea what you guys are. You've never seen this commercial.
00:38:39
Maybe this will help you. Call JG Wentworth.
00:38:45
877 cash now. 877 cash now. 877 cash
00:38:51
now. It's my money and I want it. Meow. Call JG Wentworth. We'll ensure your cats and get your money mine right away.
00:38:57
Good to say. Cats, that's why you are who you are. Missed. Got you.
00:39:03
Came out by showing you Shami. Speaking of cats, show them the cat thing. I'm fascinated by this. Bobby's
00:39:09
going to love this. Bobby just checked out for a second. He does. Look at this, Ricky. I want you to see this. I just I just saw this the
00:39:14
other day. Okay. It's It's from a while ago, but this is the first time I've ever I've ever heard of this. There's a prison where they give every
00:39:20
prisoner a cat. Oh, yeah. I love it. This Do you know this, Bob? I never heard of this in my life. These are doing to Vietnam.
00:39:26
Oh, boy. Lunch. For lunch. Hit play. What did she say?
00:39:32
And after about a month, the warden called me. They were worried that the they would rape and kill the cat. Now we killed
00:39:39
them. 25 to 30 cats here on a regular basis. This feeling of pride coming off of all
00:39:45
these men. Pause it. They are. Can you imagine? Pun intended. Can you imagine at night at night these cats are just like
00:39:52
chilling together at night and they're like, "How did we end up in this situation? We're surrounded by murderers
00:39:58
and rapists. We've got to get out of here." But don't you think don't you think with with with prison being a for-profit
00:40:03
institution that a lot of these people aren't rapists and murders and the actual the US government is the biggest rapist of them all? We'll be back.
00:40:10
Hey, during the commercial break, did you catch the pause joke I made? I did and I heard it and I just didn't let it land hard enough, but I should.
00:40:15
Yeah, let's try it again. No, no, no. It's fine. And we're back. Yeah. Can you pause it?
00:40:20
Yeah, it's already paused. That's why it's not going. It already happened.
00:40:27
That joke only had one life, one life, one life. One life, one life, one life, one life.
00:40:33
One life, one life. And that's nine. I was already at nine. I took your There it is.
00:40:41
There's no way cats have nine lives. Yeah, but here's the thing. Do you think really think they got nine?
00:40:47
Buddy, if if I if if I knew that, I'd be a millionaire. You are a millionaire.
00:40:53
Well, then what happens? Ask me off camera. What happens at the end? They kill and rape the cats. Yeah.
00:40:58
No, really. Or they embezzle them. No, really. What happens? They fill them with cocaine for all this. No. What happens is What
00:41:05
happens is what happens is for a moment in time, this does keep cutting out. Are you hearing me? Okay.
00:41:11
For a moment in time, these prisoners get to just connect with something that
00:41:16
that reminds them of real life. You know, we're a tribal animal, you and me. I don't know what this guy is.
00:41:24
Morgan and what happened? What happened, Rick? I fell and I hit my dang elbow.
00:41:30
Oh no. Was that from a previous accident that you were in? Well, it happened once before and again on somebody else's
00:41:35
property. Let me tell you something. What happens when you get into a little baby accident? You don't know what to do. You don't know who to turn to. Who has
00:41:40
insurance? Who pays? What happens? Bob, tell them what. If you're ever injured, you can check
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00:44:05
all South Koreans became one year younger under new age counting law. I saw you guys can't count either, huh? No,
00:44:11
because when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way from your first cigar to
00:44:17
your last dying day. You know, in the Korea, when you're born, you're one years old in Korea. Yeah. It's kind of like how the 24th
00:44:24
first century is the 2000s. Correct. So 20th century is the 19s. Isn't that the right when you're like 9
00:44:29
months old when you're born because you were in the belly for 9 months? I think that makes the most sense.
00:44:35
Okay, thank you. Yeah, I created it. But when is the moment of when's the moment of uh
00:44:40
Well, that's a great question and now I want to actually get into your feelings on abortions. You're gonna say the mo the moment of that the child is
00:44:46
Yeah. When is it count? Every person is one year old at birth adds another year. So, no, you're turn one at birth. It's
00:44:52
not it's not in the body. It's just like there is no zero. And I do think that's really a good
00:44:59
good lesson to learn. There is no zero. Yeah. I was never a zero. Do you see this trophy that he was
00:45:05
given? Yeah. It looks it look this trophy looks like a guy who was kicking who just isn't quite flexible enough. It seems
00:45:11
like a participation. Well, this was we gave this to him for kicking a habit when he got sober. This was this is when he got sober cuz and it is kind of
00:45:16
How long has it been now? A year and a half. Year and a half or in Korea two and a half years.
00:45:22
That's right. That's you and I in an alternative universe. The the internet keeps tagging us. Wow.
00:45:28
Yeah. We're the Wish.com version of this. Yeah. Yeah. This is We're the Wish.com of these guys. This is uh Ryan Gazgaz from the
00:45:35
Barbie premiere, correct? And he plays Ken, one or one of the Kens, I guess, because I guess there's a lot of Ken
00:45:41
I read for that movie. Yeah. You think he they receptionist or something? Oh, talking four lines.
00:45:47
I could What's this gentleman's name again? Singo. Is it Singi Wo from 10 rings Marvel guy?
00:45:55
Shang Chi. That's not him, my guy. That's not his name. 100% not his name. You're racist. That's
00:46:00
not his name. That's the name of the It's the It's the L I one. It's something with Lu. Yeah. Sime.
00:46:06
S I M U. Simu Simu. Yeah. S I M U. Simu. Yeah. Nice. Isn't that what you say to somebody when
00:46:12
you're asking them to quiet down? Yeah. Simu. Simu. Simu. Sim down. Sim down. Simo down. Simu down now.
00:46:18
Which is also what they say if somebody's shooting shots at him. Sumo down now.
00:46:23
Sumo down now. Well, that took 5 minutes off my night.
00:46:28
Yeah. When's the last time you got bamboozled?
00:46:34
Who bamboozled you? Who? I'll tell you something. I don't know the I'll tell you something. I know the first time I could remember being for real bamboozled.
00:46:40
Give it. I was 18. Here we go. You know me, right? Doing my thing in
00:46:46
New York, right? With my first girlfriend. We take a trip. We drove drove from Cleveland to Nantucket. Her aunt aunt
00:46:52
has a house in Nucket. Yeah, she does. You remember? She great. There's a hole in my bucket. Dear Liza
00:46:58
Nucket. So, we're doing our thing. hanging out. Now I'm on the street and I don't really drink, but at the time my
00:47:04
people were going out to clubs and dancing and I loved that. And I didn't have a fake. I had like my brother's old
00:47:10
friend's ID. It doesn't look like me. Um I was in the market for a fake ID. Psych.
00:47:16
See what bad boy. So I'm on the street doing my thing and a guy walks by. He
00:47:23
goes, "We fake IDs." And I go, "Yeah." He goes, "What do you want?" "Uh, fake ID? How much?" 50 bucks.
00:47:31
I only have a $100 bill. I gave I gave him the hundred. I go He goes, "Do you do do you do you
00:47:36
have 50?" He goes, "Yeah, I'll be right back." He was going to go He went to go get the change. And while he's getting the change, and he's getting the change. Why would he
00:47:42
not be getting the change? He said he's getting the change. I mean, I'm giving him, you know. So, I'm sitting there for 3 hours before it it even registers.
00:47:52
I think I was bamboozled. I It wasn't like I'm like, "Fuck, this guy probably [ __ ] me." I was just, hey, I'm waiting
00:47:58
for my fake ID for three hours, bro. The same exact thing happened to me.
00:48:04
It's not about that. Well, I think I've told the story before. The surfer, I don't know it. What? The surfer and the frog. Isn't this an
00:48:10
old Korean folk tale? He who surfs with frog on wave will end
00:48:16
their beautiful, glorious days, not alone, sad or thick.
00:48:22
Something something. Eat frog's dick. It's something about it. It's an old Korean proverb. Yeah. Yeah. Where there's no in the mind to suffer.
00:48:28
Neither slings nor arrows. For a lily pad could jump, but for me I am barrerow. I am barren. I am soul searched. I am empty inside. But my
00:48:35
knees may be weak. My soul flies high. Pride is nothing in a mind's eye when I look in the mirror. If I see myself as
00:48:40
nothing more than blurry or clear. It's a situation for me to speak to. A situation of love. Because I could speak
00:48:46
to God all day, but I'm the only one above what I can be. You're not my competition, but you may be. M
00:48:52
it's a sacriiggious situation because the only thing I compete with is a former version of myself. The only thing
00:48:57
you compete with is your god, heaven. This is all written on his mirror at home. I've seen Did you just make
00:49:03
that up? Yeah. Yeah. That's insane. I would never be able to do that. That's one of my things. You should check out the Harry Mack episode to take
00:49:09
your shoes off. How do you even do that? Let me teach me. You can't. Yeah, you can't. I can. Can we just spend the rest of
00:49:16
Give me one line. Give me one line and maybe I can go keep going. All right. Here's something that you're going to I I'm judging you on this and I
00:49:21
might be wrong, but I'm going to ask you a real question. Are you able to be present? I'm present right now.
00:49:26
Okay. What is something that you're ashamed of? I'm ashamed of my body.
00:49:32
My body. I was doing the [ __ ] thing that you were doing. Yeah. He was about to start rolling. What is it that you're ashamed of?
00:49:38
The way it's shaped. Yeah. How is it shaped? It's shaped like a bottle. A bottle in
00:49:45
the ocean. The ocean's filled with water, but the water is poison.
00:49:50
Commotion, lotion. Oh, I like that. I like that. I like that. No, no, no. That's great. No, you're saying you're
00:49:57
saying your body is shaped in a way you don't like, but even worse than that, inside of you is poison. That's what I said. That's dark. That's beautiful.
00:50:04
Thank you so much. Does that have to rhyme? That's right. But it still did rhyme. Listen, I know you people can't drive, but I'll give
00:50:09
you a poetic license. Yeah. Yeah. So, one day I was living in Draper
00:50:15
Street in La Hoya. Damn. Dog. Is that for what you had for lunch?
00:50:21
And um I get a knock on my door. The door is But you have There's a knock. Do the sound effect.
00:50:29
Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, why did you open before you knock?
00:50:34
Why would you open it and then knock? Yeah, you knock and then Well, he knocks on my face. Oh, that's what the crazy thing was. I
00:50:40
opened the door and so what? And I go, "Ow." And he was knock my landlord was
00:50:46
knocking on my face. Holy [ __ ] Yeah. It was crazy, right? I go, "Don't [ __ ] punch me in the face, dog."
00:50:52
Right. I'm sorry. You opened the door. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Anyway, what does it to do with your body?
00:50:57
What? Are we talking about your body? No, I'm talking about the when I was [ __ ] bamboozled. I wasn't there. I am.
00:51:05
You thought I was doing another one of those [ __ ] things? Another one? And you never did one to begin with and you were crying over time. The ocean the potion
00:51:11
and the [ __ ] buddy poison. That wasn't that wasn't honest. But talk about your bamboozlement.
00:51:17
I wonder if any of those guys in prison with the cats was one of our people.
00:51:23
Maybe. Yeah. Why is it Why? Let me ask you something. Why is it when you told your [ __ ] thing,
00:51:29
buddy? I'll tell you the truth. I didn't interrupt you. I'll tell you the truth. Yeah. Go ahead. Do you want to hear the truth? Yeah. I maybe am at a point in the day
00:51:37
where a little bit of silliness just kicked in. Um, and
00:51:42
yeah, with that silliness kicking in, I kind of zoomed in under where we were and I wasn't able to see all the balls
00:51:48
in the air. I forgot about it. Okay. And I remember now and boy is my arm tired.
00:51:54
Okay. So, I'm going to put it down and please tell us about the time you
00:52:00
wore boo. Right. Knock knock knock. Ow. Don't punch me in
00:52:07
the face, man. He's like, "Sorry, but that's not I'm sorry. I have a question." Because
00:52:13
that feels like you're just saying that because we called you out for the knocking and the door opening at the wrong time cuz you weren't even going to
00:52:18
do sound effects. So now you adding that beat to the story to play with this and that's where I'm out.
00:52:24
Like I don't be more real about it. But I don't believe you. Okay. I'll be more real. Yeah. So he didn't knock on your face,
00:52:29
right? No. Right. So because like that's already bamboozled. Now you already got You know
00:52:34
what? Now the audience got bamboozled. Do I have to do sound effects then? You guys threw in a [ __ ] Yes.
00:52:39
Knock knock knock. Right. Who's there? Hey, George. That's my landlord.
00:52:46
Camel. Yeah. No, no, no. He was like an old man. He goes, "There's a guy outside to see you." I
00:52:53
go, "I don't know." I was 22 years old. I was working at a coffee shop called The Panicking back then in La Hoya.
00:52:59
Shot of Panic. There's a Okay. So, then I um I go outside and there's a fat man out there and he has
00:53:04
no shoes. I told you the story. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I'm interested. Yeah. Tell I don't want to say the same story again
00:53:10
on the [ __ ] thing. Maybe this time tell it with some [ __ ] sound effects so people remember. Yeah.
00:53:15
It'll sink in more. Yeah. Like me in this $900 chair. Yeah. And that $900 shirt.
00:53:21
Well, I That's a $1,800 vibe over there. Mhm. Well, if I were naked. You have Do you have a bamboo? You have
00:53:26
a bamboo that we have now? When I was bamboozled. Yeah. When was I bamboozled? You never. Andrew, why don't you check your back pocket?
00:53:36
No problem. You just got bamboozled.
00:53:43
Hey, at some point I uh do want to mention that I'm doing a podcast with Esther. I know. What's it called? Uh Rick and Esther have a time. And I
00:53:50
feel like people who like bad friends would like it because it's a similar vibe to like what you guys have because I'm like Andrew and you and Esther are
00:53:56
both uh little short losers with decent tits.
00:54:02
When I found out you were doing a podcast with I was very You're really good at beatboxing and that kind of turned me on. I know. I heard it for a second. Go ahead.
00:54:08
Well, I was giving you a compliment. You could you rap it? Have you you know him beatboxing? Obviously you have to. He's
00:54:13
an unbelievable beatboxer. Can I beatbox? I don't know how to rap. No, you have to rap it. Yeah, that's the whole point. I think
00:54:18
Wait a minute. Can you beatbox him and the question? Beatbox him the question. Go ahead. No, no, no. I want you to beatbox him
00:54:23
the question. No, he was gonna give me a couple. Beatbox me the compliment. Beatbox him the compliment. That's a [ __ ] great merch.
00:54:30
Beatbox me the compliment. I forgot what my compliment was my compliment. You were ready.
00:54:37
Wait, no. Don't stop. Please keep going.
00:54:47
It sounds like a mentally challenged Asian person. Let me finish it.
00:54:52
[Music] Nice. Pretty good, huh?
00:54:57
Yeah. Really good. You do it. You pe That's fine.
00:55:02
That was really good. Thank you, dude. All right, fine. Could you do that and you rap over it? Yeah, man. Ready?
00:55:09
Yeah. When I found out that you
00:55:14
you had a podcast, it's like you're turning into a frog. Yeah. Rip it.
00:55:21
I found smart. I'm so excited.
00:55:30
Andrew, have honestly, have you heard of Vbox? Do it. Watch this.
00:55:36
I like how mad he get it. Do it. I can't do it today.
00:55:43
Man, you can't be put on the spot for a beatbox. You are so good at it. Yeah. Ready then? Okay, go. Leave me in.
00:55:51
[Laughter]
00:56:07
I came from overseas on a boat on my knees.
00:56:15
Had to swap the poop deck. Kept getting poop on the poop deck. It's
00:56:22
lea
00:56:32
really good with doing a question. If if if late night comes back, could that be your intro music?
00:56:37
I wish. Why? I would love to have a late night show. Yeah, me too. We should have a late like an after after hour show
00:56:43
so we could finally say the things that like people are too scared to say cuz it's so late. Should we say it at the same time and they'll blank it out? Sure. Ready? One,
00:56:49
two, three. Wow. I thought you guys were not going to do it. I was a little offended by
00:56:55
that. I did it. Yeah, you did. It's Bobby Bobby. I'm on a boat. I'm on
00:57:02
a boat. I got to work for my wages.
00:57:07
I blew the captain. I blew the captain. He gave me a free ticket
00:57:13
from South Korea. This is my first cruise. My name is Bobby Lee. I love to
00:57:19
the upper deck and bleed the seat. But if I kind of got into gambling, I'd be
00:57:26
afraid I'd bet all of my money. My name is Bobby Lee. Bobby
00:57:33
Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby.
00:57:38
Come on, do it. Come on. That would have been a great place to do it.
00:57:44
Please do it. You can't ask. It's got to happen. I I'll tell you one thing.
00:57:52
After the podcast. Mhm. Okay. Wow. This is um been a human experience.
00:57:59
It is. It's uplifting. It's God. It's godlike. Um it's another level.
00:58:06
I feel the same. What? You know, I feel the same way.
00:58:12
What? Cleveland. Honestly, Cleveland's finest right there. You're good. Cleveland's finest. You're real good.
00:58:19
See that? You can They They can't do that in Cincinnati. Hey, careful. I refer to myself as a he.
00:58:24
They can't do that in Cincinnati. You know,
00:58:31
[Applause]
00:58:42
listen to me talk about the things in my mind. Everything I do, I feel so
00:58:47
sublime. It's sick and tired of the motions that be holding me down. But then I
00:58:54
find my brand clown. He is sad but has a red big red nose. He has silly hair and
00:59:01
a makeup that goes like the choker when he smiles when he grows but never
00:59:08
underneath the cellophane in the ground. In the ground I will bury you. I will
00:59:15
make you freeze before the coffin drops. Brother,
00:59:21
I forgot to tell you I'm I'm doing like uh wrestling. I'm working on wrestling guy.
00:59:27
That was crazy. I like wrestling guy. Oh my god. You listen to me and you listen good, brother. If you don't put your
00:59:34
headphones back on this minute, I'll make you wish you could never hear again.
00:59:40
Do your wrestling guy. Let's hear yours. Yeah, brother. I'm telling you right now, me and me and Sona,
00:59:48
we got team together, man. We brush your baby, man, all day, man. Andrew, let me hear yours.
00:59:57
Bobby, yours wasn't good. Andrew, go ahead. I thought it was actually really good. It was funny, but like it's like, haha,
01:00:03
look at look at the clown. It wasn't like he wasn't going to play a wrestling guy. That guy was not going to be able to wrestle.
01:00:11
That was so stupid. No sense at all. I'm so sorry. Oh, [ __ ] All right, I'm done.
01:00:18
You just All of your impressions sound like you're turning into a frog. You are very froglike.
01:00:25
Can I have the gong? Andrew, can I have the gone for the rest of this? Oh my god. The gun. Gone.
01:00:30
Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Uh Andrew, could could we hear
01:00:36
your wrestling guy? Oh yeah.
01:00:46
You want to step into the ring with me? I'll dismember your entire body in front
01:00:51
of your whole family. They'll be calling state to state, county to county, begging to find out
01:00:58
who ripped you to shreds. It is I, the Red Baron of Pain, the
01:01:06
Royal Rumbler, the wreckage wrestler, the red rowdy redhead from space.
01:01:15
How's that? Oh, what a gift. That guy. Now that's how you do it.
01:01:24
Bobby, maybe you just needed a gong. Yeah, let's try it again. I'm not doing it again. Just Bobby, just you know that poison that inside of your
01:01:30
bottle of a body. This is where it's literally spilling out and you your voice is the melting
01:01:36
glass of the bottle. Okay, let it out. The afternoon before sun
01:01:41
primal deep. Look at me. No, for real, Bobby. Bobby, look at me. Look at me for a second. There's a difference between talking up here and talking primal.
01:01:48
Yeah, let me hear it. Bring it down. Yeah, but you have to pronunciate. I'm not going to I'm just giving more
01:01:54
Japanese. More Japanese. More Japanese. No, I don't want to do more Japanese. more Japanese. I want to build this character. I want to feel like I could do a
01:01:59
We can't sell Korean. The networks don't like it. They need Japanese. Yeah, but I don't Can I just be this guy?
01:02:04
Yes. One thing at a time. Yeah. No, you're not coming. I'm not. Let him feel it. I like that.
01:02:10
Keep coming. Let him feel it. Okay. Keep going. Do that a couple more times. Yeah. The night has arisen between the two
01:02:16
thoughts of my own impressions. Yeah. Yeah. Creating malice and mayhem within your
01:02:22
mind will contemplate all the season's greetings. I'll rip the bones within each other
01:02:29
when it comes to a cascade of thought and expression. You will see the [ __ ] fury of my
01:02:36
mind's eye. Create the holes that you dig within the barriers of your own
01:02:41
truth. Who are you? I am Yellow Thunder of Night Swings 2000.
01:02:49
Oh, that's the newest edition. That's good. That was good. There goes the yellow
01:02:56
swings of Night Thunder 2000. Man, I used to want that bike when I was a kid.
01:03:01
Yeah. And at seven speeds, no less. Way less. I felt like his had pegs.
01:03:07
God, he's he's been pegged. What? Bobby? Yeah. Question. Yes. How did it feel the first one to the
01:03:12
second one? I like the first one better. Yeah, the first one was No, I like that.
01:03:18
That was fun. I should have the name probably. I'm going to change it probably. I think I think it's perfect. What's the
01:03:23
other name? What would I say? What did I say? It was Yellow Thunder 2000.
01:03:30
Yeah, Little Yellow Thunder. Yeah, Little Yellow 2000. That's pretty good. That sounds more Native American.
01:03:36
Little Yellow Thunder. Yeah. I mean, they were the first, so you know, you got to We're all copying them at some point.
01:03:42
That was crazy. Oh [ __ ] Yeah. I rewatched the other day The Voice Comes to I rewatched the ballot of
01:03:47
Buster Scrugs. That's unequivocally one of the best. Don't recall. It's [ __ ] unbelievable. Never heard
01:03:53
of it. The ballot of Buster Scrugs. Never heard of it. I heard the song of Buster. This isn't a moment for judgment. It's a
01:03:59
moment for learning. This is an unfucking It's a Cohen brothers. It's maybe one of the greatest things I've ever seen.
01:04:04
Oh, yeah. I remember this. It's five short movie. Five short films put together as one film. I never saw any of them.
01:04:10
I did see it. It's so [ __ ] good. I rewatched it on the plane. They had five shorts.
01:04:15
Yeah, it was so [ __ ] good, man. It was so good. Brendan Gleason. Zo Kazan,
01:04:21
that's her name. Zoe Kazan. Yeah. Yeah. Franco gets Yeah, that's Zo Kazan, right? That's her. She's so [ __ ] good.
01:04:26
She's so good. It honestly, it's one of those like it makes me miss westerns. I don't know why we don't do more
01:04:32
spaghetti westerns or western. I like this because this is the car. It's characters. It's like Buster Scrugs at
01:04:38
the beginning. He's got this great voice. I'm Buster Scrugs. And it's this deliciously rich character. Look at the
01:04:45
beginning. And he sings I'm on my horse. And it's just a it's a guy that existed
01:04:51
in a time and we don't have any of that anymore. You are so talented. But I'm saying I miss that. Don't you
01:04:57
miss that? Characters that are [ __ ] You too. You're I mean that voice that you did. I I wanted to watch you do more
01:05:04
of that. I want to do voices. I That's why I want to do this. I wanted this thing to be alive for this. I can do them, too.
01:05:09
Oh, wait. Rick. Hey, settle in. Get ready. Hey, man. Howdy. Welcome to the town.
01:05:15
Howdy. You want to hear a jamboree from my old times?
01:05:23
Yeah, we'd like it. Here we go.
01:05:33
Hey. Hi. You're my cousin Andy.
01:05:39
What could I do for you? Hey, how's the minds doing at this time of season?
01:05:45
We're fine. Not much of an audience. He's a M. He's a mime. He's been a mom for years.
01:05:51
I said minds, but well, he's doing a bit now. Oh, yes, I know. I'm just trying to make
01:05:56
light of the passing of Walter Scriggs. Scriggs died.
01:06:02
Yes, he died. Why does Squids die? How did he die? How did he die, man? Well,
01:06:08
he just old and just fell over. 32. 32 years old, man.
01:06:14
Poor old man. 32 years old. Me and my cousin here just passing through town looking for somewhere to sleep maybe.
01:06:19
Well, we're a singing duo. Yeah. Well, we're cousins. He's my cousin. I'm his cousin. You're my second cousin.
01:06:26
Didn't you say I was your cousin? Y'all are related. We're all first base. Hey, man. It's Jimmy, our cousin.
01:06:33
Jimmy? Jimmy? Yeah. Yeah. Take that mustache off, Jimmy. There you are. You son of a [ __ ] There he is.
01:06:39
That's why I didn't recognize you. You [ __ ] scumbag. I do. It's insane. Your voice.
01:06:44
You never had never had facial hair before. You can't grow it, can you?
01:06:52
Is that your western song? By the way, the way you said, "Yeah, you keep doing that voice."
01:06:58
Yeah. This This voice. It's I'm even though I know you could do
01:07:03
this, I'm [ __ ] flabbergasted right now. How engaged. And that's crazy.
01:07:13
Bobby's is great. No, you're like you're that's that's you're that's this is what you do. This
01:07:21
is literally you're a professional. This is top of the line of all the people in the world that
01:07:26
don't actually talk like that. You're like at the top of that, man. Tip. How
01:07:32
do you How do we monetize that? I mean, do you guys make money here? We don't have made money in quite a
01:07:38
while. Here's the deal. there. I mean, that's insane. That's nothing.
01:07:46
You know what it is? You know what it is? It's honestly, it's like the sun. It's like when LeBron's one of LeBron's
01:07:51
kids was three and he's shooting like, you know, the big basketball but on the small hoop.
01:07:57
Like, very good. Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec. It's really good. Yeah, that hurts so bad. Honey, I'm so
01:08:03
cute, dude. That hurts so bad. But it is. It's really good. But but your daddy's doing it for real right now and people are watching and you're
01:08:08
stepping on it. When we were on the tour and we we at mccon we bought uh once upon a time in
01:08:15
uh in the west by Sergio Leone and the first 10 minutes of the movie there's no dialogue. It's just
01:08:20
characters kind of like No Country for Old Men of like I think there's three or four like
01:08:26
you know not villains but like you know what I mean? Bad guys. Yeah. Villains. Yeah. Close-up are their eyes. You know
01:08:31
what I mean? They're little, you know, one guy does a thing with a fly. The fly lands on his face, but it's a slow
01:08:37
buildup and then all of a sudden, um, what's the guy's name? Um, Charles Bronson shows up, right?
01:08:43
Harmonica. What? Harmonica. The You hear the harmonica, right? But there's no
01:08:49
Oh, [ __ ] He's coming. Oh, [ __ ] I'm so [ __ ] embarrassed.
01:08:56
I'm so [ __ ] embarrassed. Honestly, please take that out. I'm so [ __ ] embarrassed.
01:09:03
I have this thing sometimes where I just come if I'm listening to someone be so boring. Oh, for real. I'm so [ __ ]
01:09:10
embarrassed. Take that out. I honestly I just [ __ ] come from listening to you. That's the quickest I've ever come.
01:09:17
Oh. Oh [ __ ] Oh. Oh [ __ ] Jesus.
01:09:22
Yeah. Yeah. You all right? Here we go. There's Jimmy again. Now Boris again. So we all die at 32.
01:09:33
Can I tell you what happened with me in Hawaii? Yeah, tell me. I fell in love
01:09:38
with the ocean. Huh? I fell in love with the ocean. You did? I went out there and I went free diving and I fell in love with the ocean. I
01:09:46
swam down deep and I got it. I understood. You're not coming yet.
01:09:53
I am engaged. Why is his and then me come? I don't know. I think he knows the beats. He's got funny voices. He's
01:09:59
engaged. He's present. I don't know. He's got something you don't have. Andrew, tell me more about the ocean.
01:10:04
I'll tell you something about the ocean. It reminds me of a movie. Point Break.
01:10:10
No. It's like an old western with Charles Bronson. You'd hear a harmonica. You'd see these
01:10:16
villains faces at the beginning. Like an old western. Yeah. Do you see those things? And all you would see is their eyes sneering at the
01:10:24
camera, this sultriness pouring out of them, heat exuding from their face. And
01:10:30
out of nowhere, you hear our [Music]
01:10:42
broken. [Laughter] No, I mean this in a high compliment. No
01:10:48
chance that would make me come. No, we're a different
01:10:54
Oh, more. We're Okay. Okay. Forget it. Okay. I get
01:11:00
it. Oh my god. I understand. I understand. I understand. Yeah, I understand. We're enemies. We're
01:11:06
enemies. Okay. Mortal me. Stop talking. It's so boring. You're
01:11:11
so boring. Okay. Oh, you're so boring. You're so boring. Thank you for boring. So boring. Stop
01:11:18
playing. This episode is sponsored by Vroom.
01:11:24
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01:11:35
code bad friends. Get 10% off your sound bite sound bite package. That's
01:11:41
vroom. Bird dogs. You know, I have a little ass and big quads and a huge [ __ ] I can't
01:11:47
find pants that fit my body type. What do you suggest?
01:11:55
You got to get a [ __ ] reduction with that big old [ __ ] thick [ __ ] you got with you know those [ __ ] things are never
01:12:00
going to fit. That thing's never going to fit in bird dogs. Those are that's too big. Wait, can I just Can I Can I ask
01:12:05
something? Can I ask something? Maybe I'm out of turn here. I'm going to ask for an edit. You check your back pocket. You look and we cut back and you're
01:12:11
sitting here and I'm there. Or is that too much of a me thing? No, I'll just be I'll They're going to cut back to you. Well, if we cut back
01:12:16
when they when I say check your p when I say check your pocket, we're going to cut to your chair and it's me checking my pocket and then I'll look over at you
01:12:22
and you're going to be [ __ ] bamboozled and then we'll switch back. Yeah.
01:12:28
[Music]
