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we're already coming to Montclair and Port Chester will be in Jersey and New York but they're totally sold out but
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Baltimore a few tickets left Philly a few tickets left and Toronto The Late Show the second show The Late Show in
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Toronto has a few tickets left and by the way just want to say I'm sorry for after Toronto we're having to reschedule
00:00:24
Rochester Northfield and Pittsburgh they're going to be scheduled to September you can get your money back obviously if you can't do it in
00:00:30
September but we're gonna be coming in September I'm sorry we're doing fall dates about to be announced uh but we
00:00:35
haven't rescheduled Rochester Northfield and Pittsburgh to September 14 15 and 16.
00:00:40
um if you want your money back they'll refund your money otherwise you can use it for the show but we're coming to see you so Philly and Baltimore and Late
00:00:47
Show Toronto come see us baby go to bathroomspod.com badfriendspod.com you
00:00:52
two are bad friends who are these two idiots
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[Music] look who's here look who's here look
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who's here look who's here look who's here look who's here
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the mystery of jewels the mystery of jewels returns to be our friends let's
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give it up one time for Rudy Jules yeah Welcome Back Jack she looks like a poo
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Beetle your little poo Beetle Little Beetle look at her hey poopy hi she got
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her hair cut and everything whoa she's got she's an American now right no boyfriend a year they've been dating for
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one year yeah wow College a white college you love white college all whites yeah yeah all white it's an Aryan
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College what's it called see that's what it's called yeah yeah yeah
00:01:54
what is it called no we're not gonna say what it's called we don't want to say yeah she said she got recognized on campus if there was a height
00:02:00
College what was it what's the like fraternities the sorority is like The Hazing must be crazy yeah it is you
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gotta drink a drink a bucket of uh Beetle poop Beetle poop juice yeah yeah
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tell us what's going on
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and I know you prepared a bunch of stories for the show yeah tell us a story well
00:02:25
during the spring semester I was taking organic chemistry and I hated that class
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so much like I kept getting C's so you
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get degrees yeah don't forget and I thought I was gonna fail and so I was really stressed so that's how I cut my
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hair because I need needed like control oh are you are you are you also version
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of cutting yeah oh no not cutting no cutting just cutting cutting your hair yeah yeah well that's what these this
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General we our generation we were hardcore skin
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that's six that's like so um so 90s yeah yeah well you know we're
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old okay for us we're a tougher generation we are I'm a generation above you several two maybe yeah I'm not a
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baby boomer you thought I was a baby you're a boomer X whatever Boomer X you're a Boomer dog dude I'm on the
00:03:19
corner of millennial and what's the other one I'm on the what's the other one between them uh it's Gen X yeah hey
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no no he's Gen X I don't know anyone one more why Jen why now I think you're ex I think Bobby is
00:03:32
trying to sneak into you're a Boomer dog don't try to sneak down by us 1971 is ax look it up anyway he might be right
00:03:38
actually I am I already know I know what generation I am Generation X Generation X dude Pepsi Max if I was a baby we were
00:03:45
about to kill myself no you wouldn't be living no you wouldn't be living in a dream life dude you'd be living a dream
00:03:51
life uh so listen up here uh gen Z is she gen Z yeah listen up gen Z
00:03:57
you're going to school you can't get C's anymore how did you flip it around I don't know I got like a really bad
00:04:06
score in the final but I guess No Child Left Behind no biology is that you said chemistry uh well we know about
00:04:12
chemistry sure we do yeah yeah you and I got it yeah give me a chemical
00:04:17
composition composition it up let's hear give me a mineral C6 H 1206. whoa that's
00:04:25
my phone number
00:04:30
yes so um yeah I don't know anything about chemistry but same can you make meth yeah you can with okem like you can
00:04:38
do like stuff with the lab you you do you have enough knowledge no I don't not me I know you give us the knowledge we
00:04:45
have the lab yeah we got the lab I have the lab procedures wait wait stop stop what are you saying
00:04:51
like we have procedures and we just follow oh and we can where where is it at I have a the house at your house I'll
00:04:57
just give it to you bring it here bring it here we'll make math I want this studio to be a meth lab as well that back room is huge and it's got a
00:05:04
ventilation system and we won't do it yeah yeah we won't no we won't no we won't so you learned what in chem
00:05:12
I told you I don't know any I hate make cyanide is that chemistry
00:05:19
what's the thing that melts people's bones you don't want to know that one that's the one we want yeah you know
00:05:24
where they melt people down did they tell you that in class yeah but I don't know I don't remember the name you know
00:05:30
what you know like that guy that dipped it you can you can oh lie yeah lie boiling temperature water lies basically
00:05:35
the alternative name for highly strong base NaOH historically Koh we're using High concentration of lie human body can
00:05:41
melt we did melt a body and lie do you have a Fight Club Fight Club Fight Club oh yeah lie on the hand hey can you get
00:05:49
us some line AOH baby I'll steal it for you yeah yeah that was a good like uh
00:05:55
villain name NaOH lie [Laughter]
00:06:05
it's got to be something yeah uh uh bonjour lie bonjour lie yeah or
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something like that right is that good what's your name I think it was bonjour
00:06:17
hello and sir I throw it out there and somebody at home who's an artist
00:06:23
please create a manjour lie yeah and make Rudy in the background mixing the chemicals so let me ask you about lie
00:06:30
real quick though why do you wanna why do you need that you can melt a human body why would you
00:06:35
need it though get rid of a body come on again you got it look yeah
00:06:42
you cut me off in traffic in L.A you're gonna end up in a bucket of lime yeah no
00:06:47
I don't have one but if you and I need one just in case well it so it melts bone it disintegrates an entire human
00:06:54
body dogs do you got some dog bones laying around
00:07:00
late night little late night cut it out cut it out what about um
00:07:08
is battery acid that's not chemistry no no battery acid you have access to yeah
00:07:14
but you know the kind you could throw on people's face you could do that with a bunch of batteries if you emptied Double D batteries out right I don't know how
00:07:20
to do that though well she should eat gloves probably don't you know how to empty out battery acid no what the [ __ ]
00:07:25
are they teaching you in school language I'm telling you I can't understand it old toothbrush dipped in vinegar or
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lemon juice gets the job done what is that what wow old toothbrush how to
00:07:37
clean battery after gets the job done that's that's a commercial that'd be a cool old toothbrush dip in vinegar gets
00:07:45
the job done do you have do you or someone you know have battery
00:07:50
acid stains on your clothes you can get it out yeah most your lie to
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the rescue because I always thought it was sad like in India that was a way of like you know they would throw it on
00:08:02
battery acid on a woman's face oh my God that's terrible if you're if your wife right it's like it's like the woman like
00:08:08
uh fell in love with somebody else or like left you they would uh yeah they would throw battery acids insane that's
00:08:15
it's disgusting would bleach be the same bleach and battery acid are not the same
00:08:21
no no but like the pain no no have you ever gotten bleach on your skin before no no it's not painful
00:08:27
it's just kind of Stingy battery acid eats eat your skin away it like
00:08:33
show me somebody who has had battery acid on their face no no I want to see it she needs to learn you gotta teach
00:08:39
her the school's obviously not doing anything if you get battery acid on your skin it can it just deteriorates your face look
00:08:45
at that it rips your skin off you look at that guy that looks that's cool on him see that's that's much your life
00:08:50
yeah and he catches Revenge that one let's tell the team oh boy oh boy
00:08:56
whoa hey wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute what do you mean wait a minute wait a minute that's Mr lie that
00:09:03
is live and he remembers your life yeah that's him and he removes the mask that's not a mask
00:09:10
what are those things you just put [ __ ] that's holding his eyes in place no I think I think that's like stuff he
00:09:16
puts it on to moisturize it no there's like two lines going through by his ear and Below his neck by his below his ears
00:09:22
those are called glasses to get the skin in oh that's it is a mask you're right full-on mask oh sorry don't insult
00:09:28
monster alive that's all right that's cool what a cool man when he takes that off what happens
00:09:34
the kids are like dude I'll scare someone to death wow you
00:09:39
know I would get probably get battery acid enough just to look like seal Kiss From A Rose yeah that's a cool you
00:09:46
know that's what Kiss From A Rose was about him getting battery acid thrown on him in the streets of Paris yeah wow
00:09:51
yeah by Montreal life as you're alive what was that from was it just maybe like acne scars is
00:09:59
that what it was originally from by the way this guy didn't slow him down even he married what's her name Heidi Klum
00:10:04
come on he killed it that guy it's unbelievable he's still killing there's no way
00:10:11
it's the only song I know but today so much I'm I can tell you so much you can
00:10:16
say so dle is a disfiguring disease he has a disease oh man poor guy the immune cells attacked the skin from underneath
00:10:22
creating inflammatory areas and scarring the scalp ears face and sometimes chest
00:10:27
and arms why where does he you know when they say Asians are yellow sure are
00:10:35
I don't look yellow you're not Asian I know you look yellow
00:10:42
what is that you know
00:10:51
that's climbing a tree
00:10:57
you're a darker you're a dark yellow yeah but why do they say what are you saying when I don't look yellow yeah you
00:11:03
do we've gone over this 100 times the shirt that you're wearing Blends in I it looks like you're wearing a long sleeve right now I actually can't tell if
00:11:09
you're being alone there's no way no here's the deal what they're saying is you have a hue to behind your skin like I have a red Hue you have a yellow Hue
00:11:16
uh fancy also has a red issue it's a pinkish Hue Pete has like a brown issue Pete's actually more you do we didn't
00:11:24
even talk about this you know Pete is native yeah he is no he is that's insane he is
00:11:30
native he's like 25 native that's like tell him Pete he did a DNA test yeah Navajo he's 25 Navajo that's
00:11:38
like the what's the the the senator from me what's her name the one that runs for office
00:11:45
no no he's talking about Elizabeth Warren Elizabeth Warren he's about 45 no she's got like five percent two percent
00:11:52
was that even real no I have two percent I think you do everybody has two percent
00:11:58
native something I wonder I want to go back to see where that happened like where you got the two percent in
00:12:04
there snuck in I mean it just you weren't hey huh oh it was disappeared
00:12:10
yeah that's it just gone yeah when did that happen 300 years ago in your family
00:12:16
way longer than 300 years the native juice yeah native juices native juices
00:12:21
were flowing I think thousands of years ago holy moly yeah when we were all 25
00:12:26
and over Navajo that's right that's the good kind that's the best kind shout out to navajos our favorite
00:12:32
we established that no they're not they're all great but of course of course of course but um so do you have
00:12:41
you know native instincts
00:12:50
let me say something fancy try to grab them by the neck see what happens
00:12:56
that's good we should give him a basket of black basket blankets oh no
00:13:04
not a blanket no no no what because
00:13:16
see how fast you can gather oh yes yeah that's a very good idea oh my God he
00:13:21
just did three backs and baskets in 10 minutes he's native Native for sure it would take me years
00:13:28
well your fingers are small too to hard to grab stuff right your hand your hand looks like the claw from the claw
00:13:34
machine the game claw that's right that's right your hands drop hold that yeah it would drop everything Rudy who else is in class that you're that you're
00:13:40
having fun with you have new friends now I mean what's going on I still don't have friends God bless no yeah you do
00:13:45
who thoughts yeah but we barely we meet and then I
00:13:51
went to this Filipino thing with her oh what a Filipino thing it's like a secret meeting it's like a concert slash like
00:14:00
play and it was so bad we hate whites that's what they we hey whites the whole time it was a play a play and a concert
00:14:07
a play but I would love to see an all um Filipino cast of Oklahoma
00:14:12
[Laughter] that'd be insane Joseph and their mailing code cream cup
00:14:21
you guys do you should do the Filipino Phantom of the Opera yeah yeah yeah oh my God I'll be insane yeah this would be
00:14:27
Oklahoma would be great yeah to see uh by the way that look at them cast members in Oklahoma that's just one
00:14:33
Filipino family yeah that's just one consecutive family yeah there's one family they had to cut out four family
00:14:38
members yeah they didn't make the cut yeah so your classes are what now what's
00:14:43
going on now it's just Summers no oh you're done that's right what am I thinking what was
00:14:48
the last couple of classes you did chemistry and math you don't do either of those
00:14:55
what do you mean five times four twenty six times nine 54.
00:15:01
nine times nine eighty-one that's enough 42 divided by 16. no don't
00:15:07
do divide well then you're not doing college math yeah you can do that 42 divided by 16. yeah sure I can do it
00:15:14
3.865 that's really fast yeah since I don't
00:15:20
know the answer I'm sure you're right give me a huge number I can do it I got a little test all right 496 divided by
00:15:26
18.5 22.948 oh six five four
00:15:33
I didn't know you were one of those whoa yeah you're like you know I know pie too
00:15:48
Andrew hunting are you good hander hunting how do you like them apples
00:15:53
wow wait but I have a story yeah well thank you thank God go ahead okay so I
00:16:00
was at work and then this student called and he was like really distressed and
00:16:05
then he said like oh I have like a late late class that I didn't do I and
00:16:11
someone needs to help me and you're in the Dean's office yeah okay and then I was like
00:16:16
I'm sorry Dean's office she's working in the Dean's office now I thought you were in the bookstore no dude she's a snitch
00:16:22
no no yeah you've met the dean yeah what's his name
00:16:27
okay whatever you like him he's fine he's he old he's white and old how old
00:16:32
they're all white and old like 60. that's not old Bobby's 60. but he
00:16:38
looks like old because he's white yeah we get old and does he know your name I don't think so okay that's why we don't
00:16:45
say hi what does he call you nothing brownie yeah brownie come in
00:16:50
here yeah he doesn't say anything he just he's never said hi to you he just said he says hi but like that's it
00:16:57
you're more famous than he is that's what's right what's insane about it he should give you respect how many
00:17:04
followers does he have on the gram I don't know if he had a gram maybe topped two thousand top top tops maybe 15 times
00:17:11
if he's [ __ ] if he's done some local community stuff okay let me finish please okay okay and then like I kept I
00:17:19
told him like okay let me just ask someone because I don't know how to deal with your situation and he got really
00:17:25
like mad at me and he started like shouting at me like like why are you so incompetent like great
00:17:32
do you know what you just did what how long ago was this two months ago you're lucky that it's
00:17:38
summer because that guy was you know that he was he threatened to shoot the
00:17:43
school yes yes that's what I just [ __ ] said the guy that calls you mad that's scary but he threatened the
00:17:48
school shoes well come back to school to shoot on
00:17:56
this episode of school the shoot sorry wait he said I'm gonna do it yeah what
00:18:01
did you say the manager I had to transfer it to the manager because I was getting scared
00:18:07
that's crazy that someone's like I'm gonna shoot the school yeah can you hold for a second please
00:18:14
[ __ ] [ __ ] elevator music so he threatened you then you go I need to transfer you to somebody else yeah but
00:18:20
before that he he just kept saying you don't know how to do your job you're so stupid what is your job just answer the
00:18:25
phone just answering calls and transferring it that sounds like you did your job you hit your job yeah what are they paying
00:18:32
15 15 50 per hour dude she was living on easy street over here and you went back
00:18:39
your attitude it's insane no don't roll your eyes right and now do you question your attitude
00:18:45
whoa you're stubborn you Filipinos are [ __ ] stubborn I love it I love it you'd rather do that I love than
00:18:51
apologize yeah
00:18:56
15.50 an hour yawk and you pay taxes no I don't
00:19:02
because I'm a student oh you're illegal that's right you're an illegal whoa I forgot so do they pay you every other week no every month
00:19:09
and when you look at the check you're like how much is the biggest check you got [Laughter]
00:19:16
700 700 for the whole month yeah how many days that's how many hours did you
00:19:21
work I can't work for like more than 20 hours a week oh so I can only like the
00:19:28
maximum was only like 14 hours 700 though yeah well you wow do you save
00:19:36
it yeah making you pay rent no should they
00:19:43
should no we wanted to teach you about life you've had it too good for too long way too good you have I take care of the
00:19:50
dogs you're supposed to they're your dogs they're your dogs they're my dogs
00:19:57
they're his dogs yeah and he's not there he's not there because he's busy making
00:20:03
money to support you yeah yeah it all trickles down baby
00:20:09
Reagan talked about it it's all going to trickle down and you know what you're living off the government for free
00:20:14
because we're paying for you to be here 700 bucks a month you know I actually think you should give us that 700.
00:20:22
we jump started your whole life yeah you're getting recognized on campus you're floating through school you're
00:20:28
gonna pushing you through schools because of us you're getting recognized on campus yeah I was working and like I was giving shirts around the campus look
00:20:35
bad friend shirts [Applause]
00:20:41
I'll tell you this right now and this is a guaranteed truth I'm a meat eater I'm a meat eater and also um yesterday I was
00:20:48
driving to the house and I pulled up to the driveway and there's a butcher box waiting for me open it up and there's
00:20:53
just Heavenly Delights in it no it's so good I love getting a butcher box in my house because I don't like grocery shopping I'm not a big fan and I don't
00:21:00
know what to get and how do I get and where do I get high quality meat 100 grass-fed beef free range organic
00:21:05
chicken pork raised crate free and wild caught Seafood you have seafood as well so you don't know that 100 grass-fed
00:21:10
beef that's what you said yeah humanely raised no antibiotics or added hormones every single time I get a butcher box I
00:21:17
get so excited in fact I share with my neighbor Steve sweet guy I need to give him some because he's always like I saw the box I want to get a little bit and I
00:21:23
said I'll let you in but you got to break me off pay for my gardening once a month butcher box is giving us a special
00:21:28
deal yeah uh delicious wonderful meat delivered right to your door and seafood as well that's humanely raised with no
00:21:34
antibiotics free shipping always created to customize box lands that's right it's a variety of high quality cuts at an
00:21:40
amazing value and I gotta tell you they got member deals so when you join you get more for your money butcherbox is
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giving us a special deal today sign up and use that code bad friends to receive ground beef for a year plus 20 off your
00:21:51
first order that's two pounds of ground beef free in every box for a year plus 20 off your first order like Andrew said
00:21:57
when you sign up at butcherbox.com bad friends and use code bad friends display
00:22:03
you guys you guys got this plate is the greatest thing if you go to my house I have displayed all over the house because these are future posters because
00:22:10
listen to this yeah look at listen to this this is a [ __ ] display is a one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions they
00:22:17
created a 21st century canvas that sturdy magnet mountain and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of intense staring gazing and enjoying
00:22:23
display um created a unique easy safe magnet mounting system that only takes 20
00:22:28
seconds no need for drilling your walls all you need to do is wipe your wall with a cleaning wipe stick a protective
00:22:34
leave place a magnet and put the disc plate on your wall it's that easy that easy and it's a win-win because when you
00:22:39
buy one of these they plant trees it's that great and also the master production signs the back you get an autograph how nice is that they ship all
00:22:46
over the world in four to five business eights it's a perfect alternative for that standard paper poster that you know is going to rip or get ruined and
00:22:52
damaged without having to be framed they're eco-friendly like we said every design sold they're gonna plant a tree use the link in the description or go to
00:22:57
display.com bad friends and use the code bad friends at the checkout to get 20 off of 1 to two disc plates or 30 off
00:23:05
for three or more disc plates this plate collect your passions yeah the Dean's office sure who the [ __ ]
00:23:13
wants one of those yeah and because they were graduates so maybe they want one oh
00:23:18
a Dean's office t-shirt for what did they tell you to do that or
00:23:23
you're like I think I should do it this way they told me to do it what would you ever do with the Dean's office t-shirt what would you use it for clean my car
00:23:30
yeah yeah yeah just the window and stuff yeah it's a jizz rack 100. they should just write Dean's office just rap class
00:23:37
of 20. so you're passing out this [ __ ] shirt yeah and people are like not on it no they wanted it okay it's
00:23:43
free yeah it's free okay the way that [ __ ] college kids love free [ __ ] that's like worthless they're never
00:23:49
gonna wear it you know so then what happened and then a guy was like wait are you Jules yeah and then he was like
00:23:56
oh I'm such a huge fan and then like my co-worker was like who was that I was
00:24:02
like oh it's just a class to me oh you lied yeah there was another girl who said oh my
00:24:09
God you're rude I was like yeah and then he was she was like I love you I love the podcast so much and then my
00:24:16
co-worker was like wait are you on a podcast yeah no well did you tell them the truth
00:24:21
which is you're no longer on the podcast yeah because you departed you quit and by the way we didn't get a two weeks
00:24:26
notice so we can technically we'll we'll use this for your next employer okay when they call I'm gonna go no bad
00:24:33
employee well the truth is people are missing you on the thing yeah big time Big Time and uh we're gonna get you back
00:24:38
on do we miss her I do I do too because whenever I'm with her when I go to the
00:24:44
house she acts as if I'm furniture and then you just walk into a room no
00:24:51
because I never had a conversation no you're not there for [ __ ] hours because you're so
00:24:57
so you're just like sit down on a couch and then you just look so sad and then you just make noises you know why he's
00:25:03
sad because you're not talking to him exactly you're in you're it's like losing my daughter in a fire yeah or
00:25:10
something like that or like or like a drowning or like an asset attack acidic attack but we talked about Hogwarts
00:25:18
because it's like you know it's like to me it's like what can I talk to this girl about right so I'm like uh the
00:25:25
State of Affairs no you know what I mean things are going on the government now she only knows Hogwarts yes so I go uh
00:25:32
you know Slytherin or whatever and then you go uh no I'm this are you a
00:25:38
Gryffindor you know you know first of all yeah you know I'm Slytherin yeah 100
00:25:45
Hufflepuff you know that Andreas is a football why I just feel it yeah yeah
00:25:50
okay so what are you Pete what's Pete Gryffindor yeah for sure and me Hufflepuff I think you what are
00:25:57
you Ravenclaw yeah that's right yeah oh my God is that right on the money
00:26:02
yeah because it's all about color schematics that's right you know like when I played the video game right
00:26:07
they're just a kind of warmth to Hufflepuff the colors Slytherin snakes
00:26:13
and it and uh you've never seen the movie If you believe he's never seen a [ __ ]
00:26:19
movie a Harry Potter movie that's insane never not one one and yet here I am
00:26:24
knowing all the [ __ ] you know yeah yeah isn't that funny the Zeitgeist of that those books and movies have
00:26:31
infiltrated our society so I know all of it like but there's no curiosity
00:26:36
I almost know what too much right like it's almost like a music though yes I do sing the tune because I've taken my
00:26:43
nieces on the ride at Universal singing me the the Harry Potter tune the main theme yeah okay
00:26:51
Harry Potter magic boy
00:26:56
Harry Potter magic ball how do you know
00:27:01
that on the right they sing that yeah they think you're just constructed Harry
00:27:07
Potter magic boy yep just like the movies just like it wow and I know
00:27:13
everyone's theme song you do it's run run Weasley nobody likes him it's run
00:27:19
run Weasley nobody likes it yeah what about uh Hermione Hermione yeah her body
00:27:26
sucks she sucks so bad Hermione's I think was uh it was like
00:27:32
it's weird to sexualize young people that's what it was I think oh yeah yeah
00:27:38
it is that's yeah they make her like a sex symbol on that [ __ ] it's so not in the first movie okay but the
00:27:44
everything I see of that girl but she after it they were I mean I think they shot them when they were in their 20s
00:27:49
right I don't like it okay it's the same thing the way I feel about 11 from [ __ ] stranger things they like put
00:27:57
her in like sexy clothes and all that stuff and I see on yeah it's weird I was like what the [ __ ] is just I don't like
00:28:02
it but I know all the songs from Harry Potter literally album I know oh um uh
00:28:08
uh Gandalf again you know the Gandalf oh yeah yeah you know Gandalf's in the movies he's in
00:28:14
the background he's in the background yeah what does he look like big he's big I'm Gandalf and I'm here to say Harry
00:28:23
Potter you are gay that's his whole thing yeah yeah is it Hedwig
00:28:28
he's
00:28:34
he can fly with those Eagles yep right so he's in Middle Earth right he said I
00:28:39
wonder what Hogwarts the college is up to he flies on the eagle and just stands in the back so you barely see him in the
00:28:45
movie and that whole broom quidditch stuff I know that game too yeah Legolas is in that right Legolas is logos was in
00:28:52
the second one I think yeah yeah yeah uh he too it gets catches a ride with
00:28:58
Gandalf yep on the [ __ ] bird yep or hawk or whatever that is and they come and you know he plays a little I think
00:29:04
it's a condor that they fly on and the Quidditch brooms by the way you know those are like sybians what's Sybian
00:29:10
it's a little like a vibrating dildo you know they put it up their ass that's because you when you see it you're like how would they stay on the Broom it's
00:29:16
it's the get it's fart gas oh it is yeah so this goes in your butt right you fart
00:29:21
and it Powers the [ __ ] crew you don't know that yeah
00:29:28
yeah and that's where the Mexicans come in because they eat refried beans by the
00:29:33
way JK Rowling's gonna sue us yeah she's like let me tell you something I may be a bigot but don't you [ __ ] up my books
00:29:40
don't you [ __ ] up the story of my books but I read I read all of them we can we
00:29:45
can come up with our own mythological tale just as good easy JK so easy you
00:29:50
ain't [ __ ] yeah we got it like that we got it like that we could do it JK we
00:29:55
could do it today right now yeah Nucci The Woodsman let's start there
00:30:02
what about gumbimi you know yeah Gucci the Royal Italian guy exactly and Nucci
00:30:08
they live in the forest I I you [ __ ] sure are you sure are elf
00:30:13
with the wings you're not gonna be Nucci no you're New China
00:30:35
imagine the meeting yeah yeah hey so we wrote this new you know because you love Harry Potter don't you we love it you
00:30:41
love it yeah I love it made millions billions millions and billions yeah I love it theme parks merchandise yeah et
00:30:46
cetera we have our own oh please tell us it's Untitled okay but one of the what we have new Jinga mean me wait the two
00:30:53
main characters are Nucci and gumbimby yes I love it yeah but the sidekick a
00:31:00
Flying Fairy Oh yeah brilliant flying elf same thing I'm sorry my assistant's here
00:31:05
yeah who is that it's my assistant oh right yeah do you work in the Dean's office at a local College yeah I feel
00:31:11
like I've seen you before well you got the shirt yeah yeah you guys shirt on yeah
00:31:17
this is um interesting interesting yeah yeah
00:31:24
well I mean it can fly the wings but can you how about this I'm a little hesitant
00:31:31
because the it just it seems close yeah why can't can we hear your voice changing
00:31:38
that that's it she she sucks in air and gas oh she
00:31:44
doesn't speak that's the thing or because she needs the air to fly yes
00:31:54
[Laughter] and it's what's crazy she does say her
00:31:59
name I know what's crazy though is that her saying it it's what the wings are doing
00:32:05
because well you're not gonna believe is the wings right have Steel in it
00:32:12
his body's have steel and when it hits the steel body oh so it's more Shing it's more than
00:32:19
yeah yeah yeah yeah right well ching ching sounds good to me write this movie
00:32:24
write this movie you die though don't you in the first one
00:32:37
what's your superpower flying flying is not a superpower yeah
00:32:42
everybody flies my wings can produce pixie dust to let other people fly
00:32:49
what so you you fly into a McDonald's people are having a meal you do your
00:32:54
Pixies here imagine how good she'd go over like
00:33:01
gay nightclubs yeah Ching Ching's here yeah yeah and we could do a flashback scene where
00:33:07
there's like a little egg right yeah that's where we come from right and it opens and people are in wonderment
00:33:14
and then all of a sudden that's it
00:33:19
that's the beginning of the movie it's the beginning the story of Jing chain yeah yeah born
00:33:25
on a cliff yeah a golden Mountain Cliff a golden Mountain Cliff yeah on the 18th
00:33:32
planet of our solar system ching ching was born she fell down to the Earth her egg
00:33:38
cracked open and she arose a metal winged Beast an ugly horrific creature
00:33:43
yeah with a face that looked like it had been doused with battery acid she's nor male or female she's
00:33:52
Ambiguously sexually and also very stupid somehow so stupid because every
00:33:59
once in a while you hear Chong and that's you running into a tree
00:34:05
yeah yeah can I have glitter all over sure sure if your character has to put
00:34:11
that on their face I think you got glitter all over yeah on your face but you and I what's our main goal I'll tell
00:34:16
you what it is yeah you know like Mario and Luigi the only thing that upset me about that was what Mario always got the
00:34:21
princess until the latter versions when they made you could play as Luigi as lead yeah why
00:34:26
weren't they I want them to fight over the girl we're gonna fly fight over ching ching no she's not sure oh yeah yeah I'm the
00:34:34
sidekick yeah all right and barely that because you die in the first episode or the first the first uh installment we
00:34:40
could have titty trees just trees with tits on them yeah yeah couldn't agree with you more how wonderful what a beautiful for us with
00:34:47
just big tits big tits trees tit for us and you can suck on it and like you have
00:34:52
something like milk tea or something delicious and then and then there's like a swamp of [ __ ] that's that would be
00:34:58
you know instead of quicksand you fall into a butthole and for some reason they're women [ __ ] right so they're
00:35:04
not male real tight really tight so they're bouncy yeah they're bouncing so Forest to boobs and a swamp of assets what's my
00:35:10
name again newbie what's your gumbini yeah we're Italian I
00:35:16
am yeah yeah I'm not nuchi yeah Nucci yeah you're Japanese yeah okay good yeah
00:35:22
and I'm Italian because uh Nucci is a Korean word for what instinct
00:35:27
oh that's amazing thank you what's gumbini look that up just just say gumbini in Italian shrimp no no that's
00:35:35
no came from particularly of the leg the surname gabini came from a person with
00:35:42
some peculiarity of the legs or a strange walk [Music] that's a thing I think you did that
00:35:51
yeah like my legs are longer so long they like go over my head almost spider-like right so I have spider-like
00:35:57
legs I sit like that these are my legs yeah I have no arms Gambino has no arms maybe can I be small you're so small and
00:36:04
I live on I just chill on your eyebrows on one of my bushy brows yeah and I'm just chilling and I I grab on your
00:36:10
Brushy brow yeah you know as my I think your one arm swing it oh yeah yeah cause you want
00:36:16
yeah right and somebody's like what did you say I'm like oh nothing yeah oh you're
00:36:21
like Lenny from mice and man yeah dumb yeah very I'm bright you're the
00:36:27
brightest the brightest little light I'm the brightest little light there now these rules are gonna be hard to play for us
00:36:32
why well you think we're reversing but I do like it okay good good well let
00:36:40
me stretch my wings let me she's doing it for oh yeah yeah that's right no but let me uh who's the princess Fancy no
00:36:46
why not fancy and drag that could be it like I tell you when we did pictures of us role reversing as men
00:36:52
and women yeah he was one of the hottest girls in the studio okay well I mean maybe during the whole movie
00:36:59
Nucci right I'm dangling yeah you'd be dangling right and what's up you know
00:37:06
and I go I don't know you like that [ __ ] [ __ ] sus right she's pretty right and then what happens we we go to
00:37:13
the [ __ ] you know I mean the castle and normally you know because there's like posters and paintings around you
00:37:20
all over the Capitol and you only you only see yourself in like wait are we storming the capital
00:37:26
in the capital on January 6th yeah but in in this world January 6th it's
00:37:32
something different okay yeah but we do go you know as an homage we have to yeah but we always I always see you you know
00:37:38
wearing like you know clothes and robes and stuff like that but when we visit you you're completely naked now your face looks like the way you do now but
00:37:45
your body's we're gonna see GI the [ __ ] out of it so hot and I see you I'm dangling and I see you with the hottest
00:37:51
body I've ever seen and then all of a sudden I let go of your eyebrow I got you yeah
00:37:57
caught you right in my toe because now already now it's my goal to get her too
00:38:02
oh that's where we we separate we separate so now it's you you versus out and then we'll have a conversation
00:38:09
eyebrow anymore right well that'll be that's a that's the end of the second act okay we know how this goes
00:38:15
because in the end you know what's going to end up happening we're fighting for her love right in in the lava pits you know we're back in the lava pits oh
00:38:21
Turtle Island yeah we're back we're back okay all right I think this was gonna
00:38:28
happen let me just throw this as a [ __ ] Arc all right so you finally get her I got her you're
00:38:34
in bed with her I already made love no not yet you're about to and you go down
00:38:40
you know what I mean to kiss her badge [Music] guess who's already there
00:38:47
yeah and it goes there's like a little couch in her vagina and you know what I mean
00:38:52
I'm already set up you got a whole family there no I have a flat screen TV I'm just chilling there playing you're playing Nintendo switch are you ready
00:39:01
that's fine yeah yeah you get her what do you think you get the princess yeah and then Pete comes oh yeah yeah what
00:39:07
does Pete play um Admiral like he's got to be like the yeah he's got to be a captain but he
00:39:14
he's not he's half an animal like a hippopotamus
00:39:25
yeah Captain what do we call him
00:39:33
Bartholomew the hippo bottom puss he has upper bottom plus he's a hippopotamus
00:39:38
but it's got a huge vagina sticking out he's a hippo bottom puss is it beautiful
00:39:43
stunning is that then you fall in love with it because I let you have the princess
00:39:50
over there and maybe in the second movie yeah there's a four
00:39:57
ways she's watching us from Heaven no yeah she's dead she's dead and then God
00:40:03
or the the Ethereal angel that that controls her in the afterlife says you have to go back down and stop this so
00:40:08
that's the third up it's the third the trilogy you know I don't want her to die in the first way I'll tell you why right
00:40:13
I would like in the four way this is what I would like can I veto this I want her dead in the first okay can I just I've seen idea though okay but I do
00:40:20
Wonder in the four way right we're having a good time and I'm shooting in inside I'm shooting inside hippo's
00:40:25
[ __ ] you know the princess's vagina I'm everywhere yeah I'm fast
00:40:32
right but then all of a sudden there's a scene this is a good it's for levity oh
00:40:37
this is good let me celebrity for Laughs yeah
00:40:43
also it brings everything down a little bit to like to Earth bring it down it's for laughter to make everything feel
00:40:49
level oh I don't know well then give me another word for it no levity's right no it's not because when she comes we all
00:40:54
float oh and then we're like yep I want that scene what do you think
00:41:01
chinching I like it thanks now that we have the writer's strike I think you
00:41:07
guys might have a chance I was gonna say I went out there you know I per I want to commit commend these guys and girls
00:41:12
out there they're protesting all day and I've been egging them I've been I bought eggs and I've been egging them and I I
00:41:19
gotta tell you what the signs they hit it with a sign yeah and I've been Hawking at them all the writers I've been just overhand hooking it I've hit
00:41:25
two or three but man really commendable these guys it's gonna go on for a while yeah good get their money [ __ ] it yeah
00:41:32
the business the business is full of [ __ ] the amount of money this [ __ ] machine makes also I was saying I I saw
00:41:37
a guy today I can't say the name of it but he was an actor who was on a famous show when we were young and he did you
00:41:42
know it went for while but this is back when you can do one series and make a [ __ ] truckload of money and never
00:41:48
work again he has but he didn't have to Meanwhile now it doesn't mean [ __ ] when you do a series yeah they think there's
00:41:55
gonna be a sax right after that sex strike I said yes I voted yes yeah yeah they sent me the thing in the mail they said you want to strike and say yeah
00:42:00
[ __ ] strike give us more [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] it yeah and also it's for benefits for people that don't make enough money that are struggling actors like dude
00:42:06
these [ __ ] Studios [ __ ] these guys they're all making so much money all these bigwigs are hiding behind these these monolithic buildings of all this
00:42:13
money and they're like we do give you guys like you don't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] out here give us more money give us all the money yeah yeah we do all the [ __ ] the
00:42:19
writers do all the things the producers the directors the actors they make all the [ __ ] so give them the money [ __ ] you
00:42:25
Hollywood right yep yep you want to protest you want to go out there yeah I don't know how
00:42:32
I don't know where to go well the sign the sign you can you know it's funny if we just make our own signs yeah I mean a
00:42:38
bunch of writers have called me going hey let's you want to go and I was like where is it just go walk around I just
00:42:43
don't like ignore it I'll be there I'll do the next one this is where you need a body double that's right why could you
00:42:49
oh that's right you need to hire someone that's like Dude Bobby was there yeah he didn't talk to anybody he was seriously upset that whole thing of Asians look
00:42:55
alike this is where it comes into handy right yeah right in the situation like you call a Randall Park send him down he's probably already down there yeah no
00:43:01
he's already there he's like Bobby Lee yeah I could I could bring um pay Randall half the day to wear a shirt
00:43:07
that said I'm Bobby Lee would that be cool yeah but um I can find a fat asian
00:43:12
guy maybe that's not you're not fat thank you no who would I get Seth Green Who's down there for me he's so small
00:43:19
though Ron Howard maybe just in a hat yeah you know what I mean this is cocoon
00:43:27
what it's so specific it is yeah you never saw cocoon I did did you see cocoon no everyone in the room would see
00:43:33
cocoon yeah everyone over 35 right it's cocoon such a good movie anyone watch who hasn't seen cocoon I bet you
00:43:40
so many people haven't seen I bet the cones never seen it no cocoon the movie he's never seen it and he was a [ __ ] film major oh see that old man go to the
00:43:47
right the very right that's me the top that's me that dude right there when he shot that movie was 49 years old
00:43:54
no way that actor was yeah shut up one of the actors was I think that's the guy that was like 49 years old that's like
00:44:00
your Dean yeah yeah 60 but he looks 100. I forgot what cocoon was about it was about old people going to space
00:44:06
it was about it was about preserving life of the Elder late but I think they were some of them were aliens right yeah yeah right
00:44:12
oh so Moon they were aliens but then I remember Steve Gutenberg was in it the Goot one of the greatest right you know
00:44:18
old people let's talk about old people no we should watch more old people movies what do you
00:44:23
mean with old people in it yeah I mean they just don't make it like they tried that dude that one with sand uh Sally
00:44:28
Fields with the football one with Jane Fonda Brady the Brady one yeah yeah yeah anybody see that yeah you did how why
00:44:36
why did you see that I watched the first 30 minutes 80 for Brady do you even know what this is I just want to support
00:44:42
older people because I think I'm gonna I'm gonna get there right you're never gonna get there well I'm not gonna be an
00:44:48
80 part two is that what you're saying yeah yeah what do you mean what would your 80 no no let me ask you why don't
00:44:54
you I'm never gonna get there you mean your profile yours will be 80 for Wayne Brady and you'll have to go meet Wayne
00:44:59
Brady you and a bunch of dudes were obsessed with Wayne Brady doing doing improv uh
00:45:06
you know you're never gonna work when you're 80. why yeah I don't think you're gonna make it you don't think I'm gonna make until I'm
00:45:12
80. yeah I know I mean in the business oh oh yeah probably probably Morgan and
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00:45:31
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00:47:59
Ken Jung Randall Parker they all die first of all those Ken Jung's a doctor he's never gonna die that's true he's got the secret it's Diet Coke apparently
00:48:06
he told me Diet Coke yeah he told me every doctor drinks Diet Coke like crazy I said really he goes dude every doctor
00:48:11
I know six seven Diet Coke today yeah but okay well there's gonna be B movies for old people I could be in those the
00:48:17
Bee Movie Jerry Seinfeld did it no like you know what I'm saying is independent like small movie when I'm 80. I could do
00:48:23
it for what so what you're gonna pay like 30 bucks to do an indie move when you're 80 you're tired you're never gonna do that you you Bobby Lee will
00:48:29
never I'll be doing dumb [ __ ] like that because I'm a loser so what do you think I'm gonna retire somewhere where am I
00:48:35
going to be 100 where can I be well you're gonna where will you retire yeah probably down in San Diego I can see you
00:48:41
right now at a big Cliff a house on a cliff overlooking the sea with a harem of beautiful women right all in their
00:48:47
40s when you're 85 years old and they all have they all have like a calendar they're like is it my turn to rub your
00:48:54
feet Mr Lee that's what I want yeah I see ya peace peace and love Yeah peace and love peace and love yeah where am I
00:49:00
when I'm 80. you tell me oh you yeah where am I where am I living what am I doing
00:49:06
you are believe it or not please say I'm gay please say no you're not gay but believe it or not you were uh you decide
00:49:12
to keep working but not as an actor or comedian but you wanted to wear a uniform what do I do
00:49:19
well you have a grandchild right I have a grand baby you have a grand baby what's crazy about is you
00:49:26
don't have children so I just have a baby yeah but we don't know how got it this happened but you
00:49:31
just one day say I have a grandchild I sure do we're like you don't have any children okay yeah so you think yeah but
00:49:38
we don't know the history and we don't know the story right right what's my uniform you're the janitor at the kids
00:49:44
Elementary School you make a joke I've always wanted to be
00:49:49
a janitor that's why I know I know always I know if you see me with a mop yeah but you're like a wise janitor yeah
00:49:56
where the kids ask you questions what's my name I gotta change my name to protect you know my identity I can't be
00:50:02
and Mr Santino the janitor your bad friends would be long and gone by then
00:50:09
yeah you're right yeah no one's gonna call me Mr Sani yeah
00:50:14
Mr Sani Mr Sani Sani what happened in your life Mr Sani right I got how
00:50:23
one day a good old Asian friend of mine here we go wanted to start a show I
00:50:30
started a little show it was a radio we show back when people used to listen to people talk
00:50:36
and that little [ __ ] noodle schemed and scammed me sold the company
00:50:44
years later and now he's retired yes noodle is offensive
00:50:51
to whom I mean you know it's just these are Generations later we're far more
00:50:58
sensitive to stuff like no yeah yeah so let's just reframing this little
00:51:03
dumpling I started a show with and me yeah yeah just move on okay
00:51:09
dumpling listen up you little I didn't fight the
00:51:14
World War III yeah we don't know there could have been a war 100 yeah yeah there could be there
00:51:21
what do you mean there will be a World War Three that's so interesting to me and you're you guys are gonna have to fight in it
00:51:27
well I can protest say women should stay in the house
00:51:33
reverse feminism I like this WOW wait because you think women shouldn't work
00:51:39
you know what you said to me you've said to me you said Tito Andrew women shouldn't work or Vote or drive
00:51:46
yeah she said that I'm saying if it's world war three then I'm gonna say that
00:51:51
yeah but if it's world war three and you want equality then everyone has to fight yeah you want equality no you don't want
00:51:57
equality if it's World War III so you want equality unless it's world war three got it you think world war three
00:52:03
is gonna be fought on the ground I don't know no it's going to be another version of covid it'll just be an it'll all be
00:52:09
by uh biochemical or biochemical Warfare yeah and they'll be put in our [ __ ] it'll yeah we'll all have to uh drink
00:52:15
bottled water because the sink water will kill all of them imagine being the front lines though how scared we're in a foxhole if it was
00:52:22
real war yeah let us three in a foxhole and this
00:52:27
right and we're just sitting there you know it's okay Rudy you get up there and look first no I'll just kill myself
00:52:34
you know what yeah yeah good idea Point your guns at me now
00:52:40
what would you do if you were in a foxhole with us I'll just kill kill myself God come
00:52:50
on PTSD and just have the worst slide because you're alive no no no no people people sometimes experience that have
00:52:56
great lives you can do EMDR there's other ways to deal with trauma you can do it you do DMT you do DMT you can do Ayahuasca you
00:53:04
can get back you can get back okay I'll okay I won't kill myself then yeah this sounds like a lie yeah it sounds like
00:53:11
you're gonna do it give me your gun yeah give it to me everywhere that's not a gun give me your gun please
00:53:17
give me your gun that's exactly what you're gonna do and she would kill you and me and then go
00:53:23
those idiots thought I was gonna kill myself and then she'd jump out of the Foxhole you know what I would have to take her
00:53:28
gun until we're fighting I can't trust you I can't sleep and then because every time we'd wake up you
00:53:33
probably have the [ __ ] go into your mouth you know what I mean right and we'd have to like I'm creeping at one
00:53:39
Rudy yeah yeah by the way can you imagine me you and her at a campsite right we made it through the first night
00:53:45
of War well first night of war is done we was a campsite well we're camping we're out and we're out in the wild we're on the Run dude it's on it's all
00:53:51
every person for themselves we've decided to team up us three and we've used them so we're huh so we've
00:53:58
we've run away from them what do we call that we're uh deserters deserters yeah
00:54:04
you you you you you're not staying with the past that's so [ __ ] offensive to
00:54:09
even hear that you would 100 I would fight for my nation no you would leave well you know what I'd be confused what
00:54:15
direction so you listen I would be confused what direction to go so listen to gambini and [ __ ] right gumballini
00:54:21
the only way the only way I would do it is like you know I you'd go let's go with the with the children I
00:54:27
think this is a better way around let's get them from behind really what we're doing with deserting yes yes we're
00:54:33
tricking them we're like guys we'll go look we're gonna go around infiltrate on behind smart yeah yeah right where are
00:54:39
we really headed what where are we really going we're really going to like Boston or something I was gonna say let's go to Mexico oh yeah let's go to
00:54:46
Cabo or something yeah we're going no why the [ __ ] that's why I'm not the leader worse yeah we're going to Puerto
00:54:52
Vallarta okay we're gonna go to Mexico we want to go to Beach area right so that we can live what if the wars in Mexico about the war is definitely not
00:54:58
in Mexico the war is going on in Mexico right now but it's not our war okay this war is going on on U.S soil yeah it's on
00:55:04
the United States and it's everywhere and we're running South to get to Mexico to go down to Puerto Vallarta and let me
00:55:10
tell you something first night we made it through Rudy killed a bunch of people she's feeling weird about it the fire is
00:55:15
bubbling I'm making food
00:55:22
I feel like you do that yeah I don't like seeing dead people
00:55:28
that's right I don't like war and I imagine you drawing something in the sand like playing a game in the Sand by
00:55:33
yourself well yeah I'm drawing a farm yeah
00:55:40
yeah and I say you guys we have somebody has to stay up at night keep the fire going who's going to do it well she's
00:55:45
gonna say she's gonna do it but it's gonna go out in the morning yeah and guess what we freeze to death we die first the [ __ ] first night in Mexico
00:55:51
we freeze the death on the way down Boston maybe on the way down we freeze it I think it's the middle of the winter
00:55:57
okay okay and we're naked you have to fight naked in World War Three oh I see closer and you can't can't do clothes
00:56:02
yeah but we would have the pillage where are we pillaging first like like
00:56:08
because if there's a war in the United States I'm sure there's gonna be a Vons that's on fire yeah we'll just sneak in look at John's for sure yeah we get a
00:56:15
John's right and then I'll go would it be fun you know what I would do this is how honest I am I'd still pay for it I
00:56:21
put a couple hundred dollars on the counter you're like you could take tap as everything is on fire you just tap
00:56:27
and I regret uh I would get um Sunny Delight okay this is what this is the
00:56:33
problem what we're in the grocery store what are you getting for us now Sunny Delight and and we need Vitamin C what
00:56:40
what else oh fruit roll-ups leave fruit
00:56:45
yep because oh no no really because let me say something we grab bananas and
00:56:50
apples real fruit they're gonna get rotten in the bag Fruit Roll-Ups stay on forever well you know she's gonna grab
00:56:56
bananas yeah those feet are gonna grab bananas yeah yeah you'll grab the bananas I need bananas to poo baked
00:57:02
beans we're not worried about poop but I hate to poo yeah we all have to poo in
00:57:07
the in the situation more time you're gonna poop okay can you
00:57:13
imagine the one flaw of our Trio is that she's constipated yeah we can't fight she's kind she can't [ __ ] yeah the other
00:57:19
guy the other guy's like come out you coward she's like I can't time out I can't poo
00:57:26
asking for a timeout because you can't can you say time out in war yeah yeah you can get up issue anyway yeah you can
00:57:33
say whatever you want when's the longest you've gone without pooping a week seven full days wow oh my God you're
00:57:41
supposed to die no I lasted three days on tour she said seven I know four more days three is
00:57:48
like saying your body's gonna how many days can you go without pooping truly I think it's toxic it's toxic right I
00:57:54
don't know generally you can go five days without putting before you run into risk of serious health issues like fecal
00:57:59
impaction hemorrhoids bowel perforation fecal impaction that's a band yeah
00:58:05
that's a great [ __ ] bet what's up we're ball perforation great to be here San Diego
00:58:11
vehicle reproduction five days you're supposed to do one for seven full days and you pooped on the
00:58:17
eighth what's fecal impaction what is that all your poop is building up it's like
00:58:23
stacking on top of each other wow is that what Elvis died yeah well he had it
00:58:28
look at that it's the result of severe constipation you're unre you're unable to regularly
00:58:34
pass poop and then what happens it just builds and you become a bloated piece of [ __ ] wow
00:58:39
you become a fat piece of [ __ ] that's where the term comes from fat piece of [ __ ] not because of food because they had fecal impaction
00:58:45
wow seven days Rudy You Gotta Eat fiber I'm taking magnesium it helps yeah but
00:58:52
you also have to have a lot of fiber that's the only way you can poop do you eat an apple to eat apples bananas
00:58:57
bananas are good but anything fibrous you should you should have Metamucil on something why can't you poop are you nervous
00:59:04
yeah what are you doing we're going back to the old ways these guys got a gift what are we talking what is this show me
00:59:11
oh my God like the old days all right just like the old days
00:59:16
um the movie called Rush Hour all right the boys handed us a scene is there only two of us there's only two
00:59:22
there's only two characters all right well then I want to be the director no no no why do I Bobby I know why do I
00:59:28
always have to be a girl you're gonna be Carter and you're going to be Lee okay is in the movie right no I've never seen
00:59:36
rush hour okay so basically you have to tell the character I think it'd be fun to see how she does it
00:59:41
okay you know I'm directing all right so you're Lee Lee is is a foreigner who barely speaks
00:59:48
English can you put it together ready exit City street afternoon Lee and
00:59:55
Carter walked down the street all of a sudden you speak English now huh sorry can I have that line again that's
01:00:01
really good no I don't know it's good it seems racist sounds good to me that was a choice yep what's your choice go ahead
01:00:08
Lee a real perfect a little my ass he lied to me
01:00:15
I didn't again from the top no from my pot sorry sorry
01:00:22
sorry sorry can't work like this how did you hire I didn't it's a favor it's a family friend yeah but you can go with
01:00:27
the casting it's a family friend I had to do it as a honor all right lean Carter walk down the street all of a
01:00:33
sudden you're speaking English now huh a riddle a little my ass you lied to me I
01:00:38
didn't say I didn't you assume I didn't have some sort of yeah something's wrong
01:00:45
yeah something's wrong mental thing you know he's he's I can't do Asian accent
01:00:50
it's not Asian wait why were you doing Asia you said foreign Asian I said Foreigner I didn't say Asian oh no
01:00:57
Leah's French yeah he's a french guy in the movie yeah yes his first name is Lee
01:01:04
okay
01:01:13
Lee and Carter walked down the street speaking English
01:01:19
a little it's the same guy it is go ahead keep
01:01:26
going a little my ass he lied to me I didn't say I did it because I didn't
01:01:34
assume I kick your little Beijing ass right now man I ain't scared of you I know I know you know that little tricky
01:01:40
[ __ ] come on Carter started doing karate moves
01:01:48
hi can you do a friendship no no you're oh
01:01:54
you want to mimic mine yeah all right I'll do it why don't you read it I'll be I'll be Lee you'll be Carter yeah and
01:02:00
then she's gotta do it so Lee and Carter walk down the street all of a sudden you speak English now huh
01:02:06
though I love my
01:02:13
assuming ass right now man I ain't scared of you I know that little tricky
01:02:19
[ __ ] come on see that's French by the way they wrote this was in the
01:02:24
script yeah assume I kick your little Beijing ass right now man I ain't scared of you I know you ain't I know you that
01:02:31
little tricky [ __ ] man he had a good gig huh they really wrote for his voice yeah they did can
01:02:37
you imagine yeah who else could have done that [Music] I don't know
01:02:42
yeah Williams yeah yeah imagine okay let's see what
01:02:47
this movie was Kat Williams Your Cat Williams and who who could Lee be who could jack
01:02:52
a champion instead well right now they would probably hire Steven Young yeah but then it wouldn't be funny then
01:02:59
it's not fish out of water I mean that's just like a regular kid from America can we just have her version of what you
01:03:04
just did got it ready Lee and Carter walk down the street speaking English now huh oh
01:03:11
is that better a little my ass you lied to me I don't say I didn't that's French
01:03:17
you assume I didn't
01:03:23
very good wow Rudy I'm really proud of you be an
01:03:28
address man yeah have you ever thought about acting no I hate it yeah yeah do you miss the show
01:03:36
I feel like you do miss the show yeah you got to come to um Riverside when we
01:03:41
do it when is it June 9th I mean we'll have already done it when
01:03:47
this show comes out it'll already have happened yeah okay it happened but you want to go to yeah that's good then
01:03:53
it won't no be a leak do you want to come to Riverside and open up the show open
01:03:58
you're going are you're not reading a character still are you
01:04:04
what does open mean open the show go out there introduce us say hello do a little bit of time
01:04:10
I can introduce can Bobby and I write jokes for you in Riverside yeah please love it how many seats is Riverside
01:04:16
we're doing two shows do you guys even know yeah how many seats are there no no we're doing two shows down there I can
01:04:22
tell you right now actually here yeah bad friends um we'll write jokes for you we're gonna
01:04:28
write Jokes wait two shows it's uh 1600 a piece so it's 3 200 seats
01:04:35
that'll be funny be fun yeah I can do that you better believe
01:04:41
you're doing so I'm gonna write your jokes for like two minutes I'll do it it's gonna be the longest two minutes of your
01:04:47
life of your life yeah but can I bring the script or do I have to you yeah it'd be too hard for
01:04:53
you to memorize okay I'll do it cool I'm so excited yeah cool and Jesse will be there yeah we're gonna
01:05:01
see who and by the way whoever does better gets to keep their spot here on bad friends yeah it's a fight to the death okay that's how it goes baby
01:05:08
that's how it goes tell me tell us the relationship's been a year now with this boy
01:05:14
are you gonna move in together move in I don't have money to pay does he have his own place no how old is he he's 20. and
01:05:23
you're 21. whoa whoa that's pretty gross are you is there feelings
01:05:29
they're still feelings yeah yeah but I feel like because it's been a year I'm just like always mad at him is that normal yeah
01:05:36
yeah that's it that's very normal like I just feel like I hate his face right now yeah yeah yes yes that's love yeah
01:05:43
you're actually falling in love yeah what else does he do did he say things that really but the way he says a word what word bothers you the way he says it
01:05:50
babe yeah babe disgusting any anytime you say something I'm just
01:05:56
always angry yeah if he's like hey babe do you want something to eat yeah and then I pissed like obviously yeah
01:06:03
[ __ ] I'm right right like why do you need to ask so what um
01:06:10
[Laughter] now what do you do for him he sounds like he's very nice do you do something
01:06:15
nice for him um I cuddle him
01:06:23
you cuddled him yeah what do you mean you just give him a nice hug what kind of cuddling you're spooning oh you're
01:06:29
you're in back you're the big spoon or what do you guys what's this who's in
01:06:35
front of you right here is it him right so you're the big dude standing oh you hog stand you cuddle standing what
01:06:41
that's a hug that's a hug yeah that's not a cuddle a standing cuddle is a hug I don't really like cuddles so I just
01:06:48
hug him so what do you do that's nice for this man I hug him that's the only thing you do
01:06:57
you don't like get him any gifts or anything thoughtful or anything for him I got him a skateboard because he likes
01:07:03
skateboards that's very nice that's nice just the board or the whole trimmings the whole thing okay where'd you get it
01:07:09
from I forgot the brown the brand like a place did you get it from a place
01:07:16
I just ordered it online that don't order skateboard online no yeah but you
01:07:22
don't know what skateboard company it was [ __ ] awesome oh okay yeah that's
01:07:27
pretty cool really yeah that's a good scheme no you did the right thing the right thing that's really nice cool all
01:07:33
right I think this thing's Gonna Last Forever you think it's Gonna Last Forever all right so it's not love and you kind of hate him no I love him I
01:07:40
just hate him right now do you guys say I love you um oh I really like him he's a nice kid
01:07:45
yeah good luck to you thank you I don't I don't know if I wish luck yeah you know what's she's not gonna know his
01:07:50
name five years from now yeah that's how it works but what if we're still together that's sad no it's not
01:07:58
but I like him a lot I know oh see this is just a test it's a test it's a test we wanted to say because he's in the
01:08:04
room right now come on come on out bongolino where is he where's bongolino
01:08:10
all right is he gonna come to Riverside then you make your boyfriend come and watch you do time why not no because he well he came to
01:08:17
um the ace theater and he just was disappeared really yeah he was shy super shy they're much alike they're just
01:08:24
leaning against the wall how did you meet this guy again school he was just a guy a kid at school yeah and he said I
01:08:31
like you you said I like you yeah yeah it's cute it's cute he's a handsome boy nice kid here's what you need to do yeah
01:08:37
you need to help coach Tito Bobby how to get back into a relationship I don't I'm out I don't wanna he wants to get in I
01:08:44
don't want to get back coach him what's the what is the key to to getting a a partner
01:08:49
don't be weird don't be weird oh just be nice just be nice and be
01:08:55
truthful don't be weird just be nice she said don't be weird and then Andreas
01:09:02
goes oh oh I think something happened with the board he was just looking down no no why are you blushing
01:09:07
get him out why'd you say oh no why why
01:09:13
conversation why did you say oh when she said weird like this could be an example of it maybe Italian the leopard dude you
01:09:20
know not have no I don't know your [ __ ] animal analogies it's a good one he said tell the lover to not have spots
01:09:26
right I don't have spots all right I'm a spotless leper
01:09:35
so I just want to know you think I'm a weird guy yes yeah yeah okay we're now the truth
01:09:41
is out there a good weird it's a good weird yeah yeah everybody in this room is [ __ ] weird I don't think anybody
01:09:46
in here is not weird in their own yeah yeah I'm weird but who's the weirdest in the room you don't think you're weird
01:09:52
you look like a [ __ ] illustration of some French cartoon or something you don't even look human if you're like Tim
01:10:07
he loves it yeah he's hot we can't even believe that anyone would make love to you somebody did somebody did no you
01:10:15
know what you're a nice guy I just attacked her for no reason no no but you should have a weird guy no no you should have but you are weird you know you're
01:10:21
weird Bob you're weird but like a good way
01:10:26
you think you're normal yeah I I mean I I feel normal right in
01:10:32
the world a schizophrenic probably says I don't know like I you know when I'm about like but you
01:10:38
you're right I mean today I went to a meeting and that's very normal yeah but after
01:10:44
the meeting um I was talking to people and people have this face like when they're talking to me well they're
01:10:50
afraid of what you're gonna do oh yeah I think no it was an a meeting yeah they're afraid of what you're saying no they people have like this cautious kind
01:10:56
of like right but I'm always but I'm aware of it I'm like I'm not gonna do anything with her right now what the [ __ ] why are they doing this phase at
01:11:03
any point did you do anything weird no but maybe it's like the things I bring up are weird like what hey we're at a
01:11:09
meeting right now afterwards hey man thanks for sharing yeah yeah and I said they're not letting Trans in the
01:11:15
Olympics all right man God get some more coffee something like that
01:11:21
you know some random you know what I mean that start off a conversation you know with trans Olympic stuff I think
01:11:27
maybe anything's lighter like do you like in and out burger oh I see well I don't maybe you can teach me how to do
01:11:32
small talk here we go all right I'm gonna we want to go real go ahead all
01:11:38
right so we're done let's we're in a coffee shop oh okay we're in the line of coffee shop right
01:11:45
what kind of underwear do you wear does that seem oh what I just I don't get underwear I
01:11:55
like I don't like the underwear that I have is the underwear what
01:12:00
hello police really there's a little fat asian guy asking underwear really you
01:12:05
can't ask me what kind of underwear they're wearing they go to Brand no his hands good so many easier things all
01:12:10
right all right let's start over um uh okay we're in line you know I go
01:12:17
man the weather yeah what about it
01:12:23
I just don't know much about it about weather about what the weather we're having now well those are cumulonimbus
01:12:28
clouds I'm actually uh that's actually what I do for a living oh really yeah um so check it out the participation
01:12:33
precipitation today yeah is going to be uh relatively low get a bit of the
01:12:39
barometric pressure yeah and that what's really going to do is sweep and swap some of the wins your toenails
01:12:46
do I what do you ever eat your toenails in fact I do good the guy who likes
01:12:54
weather probably does yeah yeah when you ask questions like that I just want to break up the monotony but you
01:12:59
don't need to why like it's just so boring because you know to hear people talking like I've been at restaurants
01:13:05
I've overheard people's conversations and I went I would do this with my arm like what are you talking about the best
01:13:11
way to do talk about needles well needles what needles to do when they're sewing or whatever yeah I mean I I
01:13:17
overheard two you know I mean old ladies talking about like what Fabrics they use when sewing and I wanted to break up the
01:13:25
conversation by going hey what underwear do you wear or no you don't no don't do that okay
01:13:31
you get in on the joke with them okay a bunch of old ladies are like I'm an old lady and then I want to see what you
01:13:37
would say okay go ahead so Margaret um so I go to the yacht local yarn store and I got this new um yarn but it's too
01:13:45
thick to make um a knitting cap right so I I wonder what do you use for
01:13:50
anything cat well Margaret they're both called Margaret yeah
01:13:55
well Margaret you know I've never sewed a knitting cat before
01:14:01
well my grandson loves to wear yeah I mean these moccasins and he got it you
01:14:08
know his you know his dad his metrosexual you know what I mean loves um
01:14:15
moccasins from the local moccasin store anyway I was thinking about a moccasin I
01:14:21
what Marco what fabric well Marco
01:14:27
mockinson's you know so those I mean those are made out of like wood anyway
01:14:34
it's not something that you would sell on a Sunday well what but do you go to the local yarn shop Marco I do Margo and
01:14:43
I I love Demetrius that works there he's he's great hey ladies yeah I don't know
01:14:50
if you heard but uh Demetrius got fired oh no
01:14:55
almighty God no yeah they caught him yarning on the job have a good day girl whoa that's a good
01:15:02
job see that's really good and one of these old [ __ ] is like I like him
01:15:08
looks up by Netflix Oh see that's what it is that's how you get it so if I went do you eat your
01:15:14
toenails I think that's not gonna land that's not gonna land she's not gonna land yeah we're gonna get there baby
01:15:19
yeah just teach me I just take a class hey thanks for coming today Rudy I really really really really appreciate
01:15:25
you coming today I really miss you guys we miss you a lot and I hope you keep coming back we want to do an old school
01:15:30
episode of Just The Three Amigos and we got it and we should send us off into the sunlight and he wants us to he wants
01:15:37
us to well you know none of all of you honor of all of us a new movie coming out tomorrow well it came out last week
01:15:44
I mean yeah and it's the little mermaid I think we can sing it is that dialogue or the song yeah Ariel listen to me the
01:15:53
human world it's a mess life under the sea is
01:15:59
the seaweed is always a crater in somebody else's lake the record yeah you
01:16:06
dream about you have to sing that's a song that's not him talking it's under the sea the song under the sea oh the
01:16:13
seaweed is under the sea I don't know what the seaweed is the
01:16:19
seaweed is Under the Sea The seaweed the sea the seaweed
01:16:25
have you never heard Under the Sea I've never heard it does see darling it's better down where
01:16:33
it's wet no I've never heard that you've never heard this song make it from me he's a shell right oh [ __ ]
01:16:39
with little eyes Sebastian yeah no he's a lobster he's a
01:16:45
lobster or crab he's a crab all right why does he talk like that they don't talk he's from Jamaica
01:16:51
oh I wonder you know through a quick Science question right do like the
01:16:57
lobsters in Japan off the coast do they have a little lobster accent well tell me where Japan is and I'll let you know
01:17:05
Japan the lobsters yeah yeah like if you know I mean
01:17:12
they don't speak English but what they mean I don't know no they speak English oh they do every everywhere in the ocean
01:17:18
speaks English they say orcas in different like areas they have different kinds of tones that they have to listen
01:17:24
to oh that was just French that's [ __ ] Congo yeah
01:17:37
yeah when they make those Sonic noises underneath yes so what since I don't know the song
01:17:43
why don't you sing it we don't need to okay what you did was good enough I think Rudy has to sing it Rudy sing Under the Sea real fast go ahead okay
01:17:50
Under the Sea Under the Sea darling it's
01:17:56
better down there it's wetter take it from me interesting line
01:18:02
up on the shore they work all day out in the sun they slave away weird word while
01:18:08
we devote and full time to floating under the sea oh I know that song
01:18:15
Oh you just have to do that part
01:18:21
it doesn't sound like that then yes it does oh
01:18:28
I hear that um Disneyland or I don't know somewhere like that
01:18:33
in the background PF Chang's they played a lot there yeah yeah Under the Sea I've been in elevators and I've heard that
01:18:39
and I wonder what that that's cool no it's under the sea where we all want to live one day yeah we'd be dead it's
01:18:45
better down there hey Rudy yeah go ahead and sign us off thank you for being a bad friend
01:18:52
laughs [Music]
