00:00:00
hey bad friends I'm on tour come see me this weekend I'm going to be in Florida at Fort Lauderdale go to Andrew Santino
00:00:05
docomo New Year's Eve I'm going to be in Phoenix doing New Year shows and then all next year I'm everywhere go to
00:00:10
Andrew Santino docomo dcom for those tickets hey guys I'm Steve um what's going on it's really good to be here and you know you two are bad friends who are
00:00:23
these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting w you two or something we're bad friends hey Andrew you want to see Judas right
00:00:37
here boy s Bros in the building black Judas boy look look at this boy look at the photo hey
00:00:50
man I've never seen his face like that holy [ __ ] that was real anger oh that was a pure rage washing over his face that is all insane dude they were like
00:01:02
Bobby and Tino going to love this come through and I said you know what no no we're not we're
00:01:09
not what is it what is this we're going to I don't I don't love this [ __ ] yeah I
00:01:14
don't love it either dude they're biting off of our now it's whack is whack to you talking to the mic doc I think
00:01:21
you're a pro Doc it's whack man I thought it was no dude D what it is okay is is Shakespearean it's Shakespearean
00:01:29
bet this is betrayal betrayal look at all little knives on our backs we're doing a scissor Brothers we have to put
00:01:36
the stuff on what what is this it's scissor Brothers Club is this Jeremiah yeah yeah [ __ ] too remember right you
00:01:46
remember this is this brand new this um this is yep do we have to wear the shirts where shirt is that I don't know why what is that do I get an instrument
00:01:58
do you oh straight up do you know what this is called you don't know do you recorder wow I
00:02:03
used to play it can you rip no and you have an accordion in front of you I have an accord in front of you you have an accordion in front of [Music]
00:02:18
you careful you I love do yeah he's gay whoa whoa whoa whoa that Ain that's really good pretty good was that my first time
00:02:30
actually was pretty good lyric my friend doc he gay really good yeah I've been proving every time I do it you come up with a
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riff ready yeah Rudy that's it Rudy you know you know I want to be supportive I want to supp that's a very
00:02:57
good premise a beginning hold on Rudy uh doc um fancy oh and then George and then
00:03:18
Pete um [ __ ] this I don't like this bro if you were an Indian dude yeah a snake
00:03:25
would not come out of the F they' just be like because song sucks he' just be just yeah yeah like what's he playing yeah yeah yeah I'm not going to do my little thing um this is for
00:03:38
this no I don't want to talk why why are we promoting these guys [ __ ] this [ __ ]
00:03:43
man [ __ ] these guys that's exactly what I was saying I don't like this dude okay
00:03:48
this is giving this show more attention these guys and they don't deserve it look at this [ __ ] shirt what look at
00:03:56
his [ __ ] oh my [ __ ] God you poor the [ __ ] there's nothing wrong with this fellas yeah we're connected what does it say on the back D dude traitor just
00:04:07
leave you know what it's like dude those guys it's like a Manchester United Team
00:04:13
like Cristiano Christiano Ronaldo walking into the old traford training room right
00:04:19
with a [ __ ] Manchester City sweatshirt that's exactly that's Man City you know they they' [ __ ] burn
00:04:24
him alive wow they would burn him alive in Old Trafford and no one would ever talk to him about it again I don't know
00:04:30
what I just youall want to burn me no we don't want to burn you because because of the climate because of the C culture
00:04:36
the culture so if this happened 8 years ago you would have been burned Bro [ __ ]
00:04:41
just burned [ __ ] hot dock hot yeah hot dock hot dock I'm glad that things are all right so um real quick real quick bro take that off oh you really want me to take okay 100% okay yeah let's uh
00:04:54
let's get up out of this right take that yeah take that off who did they give that to you yeah let me see it you know who they bet that from who dumbfounded
00:05:00
you know how he has this Korean town [ __ ] sweatshirt yeah it's nice here put Doc put this on instead that's
00:05:06
you're Jeremiah today yeah yeah give me that Jersey real fast yeah okay hold on I W I won't
00:05:13
destroy it I won't destroy it I'll be right back where you going you're right back hey guys um I'm Steve I I own 47 but I act like I'm
00:05:36
12 are you tired Rudy no you rubb rubbing your eyes well Rudy's done a little change because what happened to Rudy last night is um she left the house at night she came back a different
00:05:49
person where did she go you ask she went to the Harry Styles concert oh my God to
00:05:55
H Styles yeah yeah how cutie patootie is he he's so amazing magical perfect okay I love him so much I know what's one of his songs
00:06:07
what do you mean I'm Sorry by the way never coming back out can't you see if things just stay the
00:06:25
same is this a hit yeah yeah na [Music] wait the lyrics were so bad what say it don't sing it just say what do you mean
00:06:38
I'm Sorry by the way Never caling back down can't you see you're still singing it yeah you can't just you just talk it
00:06:50
just talk I want to sing it all right you know what I'd love to hear another one let's hear another one yeah hear another hair style song Watermelon sugar
00:06:58
hi that song I watermelon sugar hi watermelon sugar hi watermelon sugar doc hi we have Tammy F Baker in the room back from the dead my god dude if
00:07:13
he had a Sunday morning church service on TV right he wouldn't get a lot of followers maybe eight be but those eight would die for him let me hear what you have to say to
00:07:23
user pracher pracher dog I have come to unite the public I am Somebody Special Love Me Or Hate Me I love my goddamn s and
00:07:39
tonight is is this is this preacher a narcissist yeah weird this how I'm supposed to I'm supposed yeah but
00:07:44
preachers don't Glo like I'm the best preacher in the world I mean they don't they talk about oh they talk about Jesus
00:07:50
a little bit supped to be humble and talk about God or start over start over Okay tonight we going to talk about the
00:07:56
Lord then after that you talk about me now oh God is good God is good but I'm great he isy man can I get selfish preacher hey this is for the scissor
00:08:11
Bros yeah no don't do that don't do it Tino don't do it they do don't do it don't do it don't do it that would don't don't it's my brother don't do it I don't care yeah
00:08:25
you do do yeah I I want you to do it I want I want to do it so bad too cuz we're out
00:08:32
of this studio I want to light this whole thing on fire okay but what I'm saying is is that um my brother is very
00:08:38
sensitive and if if you want to start a real war with him that's not good for us we would beat him I know but I don't want him to die I know what it I know I
00:08:50
know we would be able to defeat them I won't burn this because I know that's one of six shirts doc owns yeah yeah
00:08:56
yeah I'm I'm JK and doc doc dog I know you got more than that anyway watermelon Sugar High what's watermelon sugar is that I thought that was talking about
00:09:06
they say it's punani isn't it it's about punani it's punani juice that's what watermelon sugar is yeah I've never do you know that that's pun I've never eaten a [ __ ] and thought watermelon
00:09:19
let's ask doc yeah yeah well don't you can't ask the black eyye if he likes watermelon I
00:09:25
didn't I think you did I think you did did I yeah yeah yeah pry so let me ask you something when you're listening to watermelon Sugar High Doc in your car
00:09:36
right what happened does your dick get hard or does your mouth water my dick get hard because bombshell I don't like
00:09:47
watermelon what yeah I don't [ __ ] like I he's just blowing my mind you don't like watermelon at all I love water it makes me sick to my stomach I'm glad you said that because I hate r
00:10:01
I hate it I hate it so you don't like so funny and I don't want to get we get stereotypical in the show we can ask at the same time 1 two three do you like
00:10:14
fried chicken was I didn't say anything you said fried chick no I didn't yeah you
00:10:19
did I said do you like fries I'm not even will I started sweating when you said do you like I said french fries I mean I mean do you like
00:10:26
do do you like fried chicken love fried chicken you have to be eat not to like fried chicken like I love it with a pass
00:10:32
dude watermelon is the greatest fruit ever ined how do you not like watermelon how do you not just don't I don't like
00:10:38
it it just don't taste good but if you put a little bit of Chile on there and some lemon juice shout out to East
00:10:44
LA yeah it's good that way bro I'm you don't [ __ ] hey that's you're talking about tahen you're talking about tahen
00:10:50
right yeah tahen is good as put on Little B have you never had a fruit cart from the side of the road I refuse what
00:10:57
yeah Bob I refuse Bob it watermelon with fresh taheen on it can't do it it's fresh cut up pineapple and watermelon is
00:11:03
it fresh they cut it right there in front of you oh I'll do it okay we need to do it yeah but it's not like pre package no they they cut it right mango
00:11:11
pineapple watermelon and then let me ask you another thing so what what what's the stereotype The Stereotype is black
00:11:17
people like can't swim I can swim I i' never even heard of that before can't swim I have but I
00:11:25
haven't I have but I haven't okay let's go through the all the stereotypes of all let's go to through stereotypes of
00:11:30
all Races all right so we'll start with Doc with the ones that are in the room okay right let's the ones in the room we
00:11:36
I feel like we can do it cuz we need somebody to defend themselves correct all right so let's go with black first
00:11:42
cuz we're already on the topic of right doc doesn't like watermelon that's crazy
00:11:47
never heard of that before does like fried chicken loves it love it can can swim can swim how good I'm good I you
00:11:55
know maybe half a pool you know what I'm saying all right but let me ask what happens when you get to the halfway point of the pool he he drowns you drown
00:12:02
he falls the so you can't the like man you know I'm doing a good job yeah yeah yeah he just drops to the bottom yeah it least it's the effort though let me ask you this doc so if Andrew and I had a Bo
00:12:14
boat and okay let's go sailing Deep D deep not deep dish deep sailing yeah deep deep deep deep dish sailing deep sea sailing uh fishing right yeah come
00:12:25
we threw you overboard that's a go joke right funny how long would you be able to stay out there alive you think about
00:12:31
a half a pool like I told you so way he's talking about how long could you tread water for oh tread
00:12:37
water good maybe about a good 35 seconds or something like that yeah he's out out
00:12:43
CS trading I you can't tread water for 35 seconds yeah you're dead you're a dead you would have been the first one
00:12:49
to die on the Titanic who could who could TR rightz yeah probably Andrew I I could waade in the ocean for at least 6 hours before I die you [ __ ] out of here he floats 6 hours he's floating he's got
00:13:02
hey bro we got to like do this at a pool I got to see that [ __ ] it's amazing I'm not going to do 6 hours of your I [ __ ]
00:13:09
to do man we go to a [ __ ] public pool you're going to put me in the [ __ ] deep end and go let's see I can't do it
00:13:16
Bobby he so mouthy but he looks like a preacher right now the outfit I think did you go to the Harry Styles concert too that's what it feels like yeah so are you have wine in that thing again
00:13:29
how did you know cuz I can smell it wait were you drinking on the job all right so the other one was what a no dad you I had a dad well well well
00:13:41
yeah he was there don't bring up the Dad we talked about it don't bring it up maybe we all got dad problems yeah but ours weren't you I mean in a Cellar mine
00:13:52
was in prison so that's kind of mine was in right well your dad's in prison yeah
00:13:58
real talk real talk talking about high five about okay let Mo that's that's connection right there in Black Culture
00:14:03
it is it is well you got to know somebody in jail if you're black yeah yeah I saw something do you know somebody in jail right now 100% told you
00:14:11
yeah I don't know anybody that except for your dad he's not in jail anymore love you
00:14:16
Jamal he goes love you love you Jamal who Jamal Jal who Jamal what is he in for oh okay say he doing 87 well he get
00:14:27
Patrol he's he's eligible for parole in 87 years can I tell you what he did he had he he had like a dime bag of weed ter
00:14:38
awful it was murder it was something like that yeah you know huh life life wrong hard on well so anyway so you can swim so that's broken right you hate
00:14:49
watermelon that stereotype is broken okay I have one what is oh [ __ ] I don't BBC big black [ __ ] somebody's B [ __ ]
00:15:04
what the [ __ ] stop everyone stop talking stop talking for a second how the [ __ ] do you know what BBC means I just
00:15:14
know she does just know I don't know big black I know now right but I didn't know but wait a minute you don't know if he has a BBC or not you better not know I don't know it's just a
00:15:27
stereotype okay okay okay but you said it a little too like you're sure let me ask you this Jules and this is and Doc's not going to be offended and I want an answer from you an honest
00:15:39
answer do you think that he has a BBC yeah she exactly no she said maybe there's no way standard standard oh you have a stand notc standard [ __ ] bro just
00:15:56
walking around here in my standard you know what I'm saying you know what that is n sibc yeah a standard standard
00:16:02
issued black [ __ ] I think that's something I would ask if once I was about to get [ __ ] in the ass I would
00:16:07
turn around and go is it standard you go Advanced you're like a [ __ ] [ __ ] it's Advanced
00:16:13
[ __ ] it's from the future oh [ __ ] all right is there any other stereotypes that you know Rudy that's it that's it
00:16:20
all right let's do Bobby Asian Korean specifically I think Asians you got to take Asians go ahead I could defend it
00:16:26
well because you and her are going to have some overlap why well you're both Asian right but
00:16:33
from different parts I know but there's the dog thing is the dog thing what dog thing I don't know the dog thing that
00:16:40
you we love them that you eat them no no you do me specifically do your people that's true your people your people you people love
00:16:53
dogs yeah traditionally you're people like dogs to argue though that poor white people eat [ __ ] like squirrels and snakes and [ __ ] right% true we're going to get to White my bad raccoon yeah they
00:17:06
CH down raccoon bro and you but he's Italian though he's not and Irish I got both oh you got oh wow yeah okay hey Doc he's [ __ ] white white no but it's
00:17:20
he's white Italian's a little different bro they're not they're like I think they're like
00:17:26
the black people of white people but that's just I'm not know that's right doc would that be
00:17:31
correct or no yeah yeah you're correct okay let's go to Asians you don't like dog that's
00:17:39
a shattered you like dog she likes the taste of dog not eating them I don't know the way
00:17:47
you responded I love dogs I care for dogs but not eat dogs say I I don't eat dogs say that I don't eat dogs all right can we edit that to just plank out the don't I eat dog I eat
00:18:01
dog you hate rice no I actually do you love doesn't everyone loves rice white or brown I'm more of a white guy but I I I [ __ ] with I [ __ ] with
00:18:13
purple have you had purple rice I like purple rice do you like purple rice I do yeah yeah with the little beans in it I
00:18:18
thought for a second you were referring to you were using rice as a metaphor for other [ __ ] like what I thought you like
00:18:24
Pur you're saying you're talking about purples okay cuz Asians have purples dark purples dark purples yeah but you
00:18:30
like you prefer white rice over brown rice wait a minute I how do you like how do you like rice taste for Rice Brown you like your rice Brown he would see look I've had brown rice what the
00:18:43
problem is that's the problem I think white is just better in terms of rice yes I'm talking
00:18:49
about rice yes in terms of rice they're Superior not healthier white rice is the
00:18:55
most Superior they were born Superior Superior healthier yeah you're right that's true
00:19:02
white rice isn't healthier for you he's drinking drinking more he is when when did you start drinking dog I've been drinking y'all just remember when I used to park your cars I was drinking he was
00:19:13
boozing the whole time in the parking lot of The Comedy Store I'm dead serious one time I did actually smell on Doc's
00:19:18
breath and I was like man is this he drinking I thought's you know what it was remember when when Eric was a general manager he told me to stop
00:19:25
having a glass of wine when I was parking cars cuz I would always walk car to car with with the glass and
00:19:30
people I will come to your cars with the glass im a valet or anyone parking your car has a glass of wine with wine yeah
00:19:38
I'd be like no I'll park it myself but hide a beer he's got a glass of wine he's swirling it yeah I'm to leave the
00:19:43
keys there yeah it's insane yeah oh no leave it yeah I'll back it in I'll back it in yeah this shit's
00:19:51
nutty oh man y y'all should see the tannins in this [ __ ] I never drunk par girl I know but when you wake
00:19:56
up in the this morning when you woke up dog when you woke up this morning is that like an orange juice for you like
00:20:03
you drink alcohol or no no no no this is my my uh when the Sun goes down two to three maybe four in the evening wait
00:20:10
what two glasses time oh what glasses you know like 5 O that's a bottle of wine little bit not every day though uh
00:20:18
every other day yeah something like every four five days he's [ __ ] he's a [ __ ] problem what what's wrong with
00:20:24
me it's fine you're fine wait a minute you you're having a bottle of wine every other day no not every other day I would say well it depends cuz I bought a 1.5
00:20:35
liter this is that's another stereotype black guys don't like wine usually do they no no see cracked another one
00:20:41
another one crack another one crack I don't like beer I don't like Malt Liquor well Malt Liquor that's yeah right do
00:20:47
you like Hennessy no when you smoke cigarettes you like [ __ ] you get cigarettes from I don't smoke cigarettes
00:20:53
I know but if you do do you smoke menol I would guess I don't know yeah me too he does yeah I guess that too I feel
00:20:59
like there's a bunch of cigarettes on the ground they're like pick one now he would just grab the Newport just instinctively and know you smoke Spirits
00:21:05
right he smokes American Spirits what have it Menthol no no no no no no he smokes the regular ones oh okay [ __ ] accuse me of smoking Menthol dog what the [ __ ] are you doing bro wait hold on let me backtrack for a second I really
00:21:17
do want to know did you go to Harry's alone with a friend who was the friend Grace what's she what is she wait what's she from school from school huh what is
00:21:30
school done when is school done it's [ __ ] November it's of course not done I don't
00:21:36
know when they're done with them you mean for the summer or just for the win winter break oh isn't this now aren't
00:21:42
you done um I'm done December 15 I think and when I say school you're not going into school are you no yeah you don't
00:21:49
have to do that no I thought you graduated am I college oh you're in college now yeah yeah she's in college now so we went from rice to dog is that
00:22:00
it for you for Asians yeah rice dog yeah driving uh badly driving uh badly you are a bad driver me
00:22:12
specifically or my people you specifically your people yeah but I I would we just doing stereotyp I wouldn't put that on my people though that's
00:22:19
horrible you you are hor like horrible driver like you're the only you're the only dude I've ever seen with duct tape on his bumper It's just bro this guy would pull into the comedy
00:22:31
store parking lot like what the [ __ ] Bobby like this guy and then if his car get fixed it's [ __ ] up the next week
00:22:37
I'm like how the [ __ ] do this guy you don't give a [ __ ] about you he just doesn't care about cars you don't care
00:22:43
remember when I used to clean out your car you used to pay me you know I'm done with you pointing at no no no this guy's
00:22:48
inside people I'm done with the pointing bro I'm going tell y'all something bad friend go ahead go ahead this guy's car
00:22:54
is the dirtiest [ __ ] you would ever [ __ ] like what's in it dude it's too much yeah dude he's going off I don't
00:23:00
like it cigarettes better help oh hey hey hey on this show we love this we love this because we're big we're big about mental health Bob and I both have mental health issues we talk about it pretty openly uh
00:23:15
as an adult I find life to be um far more comforting and there's more of a direction when I'm doing better help and I'm doing online therapy yeah online therapy is for me it's the way to go I
00:23:27
don't like going into to offices I'm I'm not a big fan and better help uh they assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional
00:23:33
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first month at betterhelp.com badri 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com bad friends hello T oh doc doc doc doc
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same and him and I right we we installed a hello tushi here at the office we have him at home have you used it at the
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and free shipping just smells like ass and and feet and diarrhea and [ __ ] just
00:25:49
diarrhea I'm not finished sh you went from [ __ ] to diarrhea dude all right diarrhea finish all right go the zoo
00:25:57
it's every [ __ ] best combin [ __ ] fish tacos after they've been left outside for about two months it's just like your your car stink bro like that [ __ ] used to
00:26:10
like okay no I was I was a little angry I was just a little angry my bad it hurt
00:26:15
your it hurt your feeling it hurt aggressive Rudy is any of that stuff true did does the car smell yeah it smells like pool and it's just really
00:26:26
dirty but not diarrhea though regular yeah just regular poo yeah doc you're exaggerating with the diarrhea
00:26:33
part just regular poo regular poo dude yeah it's nothing insane it's not runny [ __ ] and like fish tacos have been out
00:26:40
for a month you know what I mean maybe a week yeah you I mean a months but how many how many days in a week though
00:26:46
every day every day right so you don't know which one is yeah yeah anyway so we got that that bad driver I am yeah bad driver you are bad at math what guarantee oh so you're I can't even add
00:26:59
what I can barely add 8+ 12 what' you say yeah it took him too long 8+ 12 when okay yeah but you you said the what did you say just to pause to get to the math in the head um 14 * 6 yep 14 time 6 yeah
00:27:13
don't can't do it really yeah does anybody know real fast 240 84 no what 84 84 Pete that's itks could you got that no yeah thank you uh what else ma bad at
00:27:27
math um Andrew I know what pixelated pixelated yeah is it pixelated what's pixelated your your [ __ ] cuz every time you watch Asian porn it's all like pixelated around the [ __ ]
00:27:41
[ __ ] I just asked a question can I can I get an answer that's all I want is the answer I'll give you a [ __ ] answer
00:27:47
this is still my show friend I'll give you a [ __ ] answer all right can I tell you something
00:27:53
privately they do pixelation in post [ __ ] face it's not like a normal thing that occur when we pulled on our pants
00:27:59
it's just us being pixelated okay my bad I'm going to be honest yeah when he said that I
00:28:06
understood I also but first of all I'm a I'm you should have been more offended that's Japanese penises he's Korean
00:28:13
Japanese people do have weird pixelated vaginas and [ __ ] okay but Koreans don't okay my bad I'm learning Asian
00:28:20
stereotype a small penis thing you do average you're no I I do think think you have a small penis but it's not not embarrassingly small it's small like it's supposed to
00:28:34
be your penis is just as big as it's supposed to be so average for you yes for grown men no I don't think I just you joke about it my gut
00:28:49
can I tell what my gut says what does your gut say my gut says get the [ __ ] out of here my gut saying leave now
00:28:55
right we just begun I know we just did okay that's why I'm staying I'm having fun I know you are and Doc is Doc is
00:29:02
doing Doc is outut of control he's drunk as [ __ ] I know I love it all right okay so but you do okay all right small dick
00:29:08
I got that one fine let's move on but we did say yes to that no I don't want to I'm not signing off on it say yes I I'm not going to say yes on it please say yes just to move on yeah but
00:29:19
do I have to mean it you do yes okay good is that the last stereotype that we can think of for Koreans do you know any
00:29:31
um take your time yeah they're not listening we have the capability of editing out 30 minutes of silence I just know for Koreans they're
00:29:44
usually handsome so does Bobby break that stereotype absolutely that's preposterous get on the thing
00:29:56
Jews yeah interesting no go back to the mic interesting that you say that what are you doing right now why you keep looking down nothing put whatever you're
00:30:09
you have knives yeah I'm sorry I'm going to back off a bit but I want I'm going to back off a bit and this is not
00:30:15
something that you can go crazy with knives for right but what are you saying that Koreans are generally goodlooking
00:30:23
but Bobby Lee is ugly not the same level H yes I'll agree with it I I thought about it why not I [ __ ] it up I think I [ __ ] it
00:30:45
up like who are some handsome Korean men well if you look at like I think she's referring to the people that are in
00:30:51
K-pop or it just in people that are visually seen in the public I guess so you're comparing me with like BTS BTS John Cho these types of people Jet
00:31:03
Lee Jet Lee jetly [ __ ] also Korean women yeah hot Korean men I mean wow is that bolo no that a bolo remember bolo from in the dragon Bruce Lee oh
00:31:19
bolo yeah yeah okay is that all the stereotypes I think that's it all right do me let's go Jewels let's White's hard
00:31:27
White's very very hard cuz we're yeah whites are very hard what is that he thinks he really
00:31:33
generally believes in his heart I know this guy he generally believes in his heart that he's better than
00:31:39
us only in America I know only in America right only in America because I can walk around and people go hello
00:31:46
friend and I go hello America and they go excuse me do you know how to uh can I have directions I go I will give them to you you know and I can walk freely and then cops like
00:31:58
sir you were speeding I'm like I'm sorry and he's like get out of here right but in Afghanistan
00:32:06
though no none of us are going to [ __ ] Afghanistan nobody walks around no yeah but a Korean dude a fat Korean dude in Afghanistan [ __ ] man I'm just trying to you know trying to find trying
00:32:19
to bring him down a little bit he's on his say whatever that comes to mind he does he does let it fly let it Let It
00:32:25
Fly good so is what what kind of wine do you have in there Pino Noir [ __ ] likes Barefoot P get
00:32:37
it all right let's do Jewels what about Phil what about Filipinos you know the most I know a lot
00:32:44
so um they're great performers singers yeah the dancing's out off the scale and you can do almost none of that you can't she can't sing or dance well no the singing
00:32:57
at the beginning of that episode was good can we hear a little bit let's hear a little bit more hair styles let's hear it ready go we'll be fine
00:33:05
line we'll be fine line yeah we'll be all right sorry about that to the listen let if I bought that song off of iTunes I'd do an instant
00:33:18
refund what were you saying will be fine ly we'll be fine line we'll be all right we'll be all right yeah yeah so okay can't sing she's
00:33:32
drunk too yeah she's drunk yeah that's what it feels like okay can't sing you can't can you dance no no box can you
00:33:38
box that's big the Filipinos are huge boxers no there's one guy that's good it it what sucks about the philppines one
00:33:44
guy is good yeah but he's so every I know but everyone goes you know Manny packet Manny packet one of the greatest
00:33:50
of all time I know but it doesn't necessarily mean that like everyone can do what I don't know Mike Tyson is is
00:33:56
probably the best of all time and you know black guys are G to fight okay so what else for you a lot of men are actually women and actually a lot of women are
00:34:08
actually men but I'm not a guy I I think their views on um gender gender and LGBT
00:34:17
stuff and all that stuff is more evolved wait a minute though is are the Filipino people cool with it or is it just they
00:34:23
are they're more accepting like if you were a guy and you're dressing walking down the street wearing a dress or whatever and they leave him alone I
00:34:29
think so yeah do they do people don't bother people like that yeah you always see a guy like wearing really short
00:34:35
shorts that you can almost see his penis they call him lady boys right yeah lady
00:34:40
boys so when we went to the Philippines and we did um my talent show there MH in Sabu we had a category that was like
00:34:48
other it could be anything right it can be non-gender so we had a lot of Jules was there we had a lot of people that
00:34:55
were um from that community right perform right and they were the greatest performers I've ever seen in my [ __ ] life yeah they don't give a [ __ ] they light themselves on fire they just gas
00:35:07
like they don't give a [ __ ] they'll jump over a wall I'm sure like the bigots love that do yeah you should light
00:35:13
yourself on fire but they are dude and I'm pitching a show you know I'm doing that right yeah where it's um a talent show in the Philippines and I'm going to fly out two other comedians to be the
00:35:26
judges I'm right you want to go why wouldn't I go I Jo KY would be better you said two others who's the
00:35:36
other other someone else but like you know oh my God Jo K would be Joe Koy would be better what is he Filipino okay
00:35:43
Joe Koy and then who else there's not another Filip a girl like Miss pad or something would be fun I get it okay
00:35:50
anyway so what is there anything is is there anything else what are the stereotypes you figure
00:35:58
out well you know Filipinos more than anything you've lived with them for years uh you are Filipino partially they
00:36:03
feel comfortable walking around with no shoes yeah she I like it she loves it she loves no shoes do white do me okay
00:36:11
do white or Irish or Italian well white so you guys like to um wedge yourself in other people's situations mhm you know what I mean the
00:36:23
best at it you're the best at that yeah so that's a check check right um you like to outwardly say your inner thoughts I feel uncomfortable right
00:36:37
now right whereas a lot of these things you should just keep to yourself I got to let it out I know you don't but
00:36:44
anyway yeah you don't okay okay so those are two two checks popup all right number three um you like to pretend right that you're
00:36:58
you care about poor people and at times you're philanthropic and um giving but it's all to serve your own
00:37:10
ego that's right you are you are cut the [ __ ] bie that's too nice what can I tell you something it's it's too nice oh he wants to do the real stuff oh [ __ ] yeah go ahead give me the real goddamn Rhythm
00:37:22
[ __ ] horrible and bad like are you we no I ain't gonna say horrible and bad but you know
00:37:28
you know barely average [ __ ] it's it's all over the place Bobby this is uh I was GNA where you been I don't sound like you was kissing ass to me investigator if I'm an investigator
00:37:40
right we going to go hard listen if if I'm interrogating this is good cop black cop yeah if I'm interrogating if I'm
00:37:46
interrogating right a murder suspect right I'm my first question isn't about the murder right I want to get into like
00:37:53
you know so where were you July 12th well you warm up to black people right but you know what can I say this you do
00:37:59
massage the witness a little bit better what do you mean you massage the witness if in in the you really good I think I'd
00:38:06
be good you would you you'd be like what have you been up to lately yeah you really kind of dig in I think I would even go and Doc's like you a murderer
00:38:13
bro he right away let's say You're a murderer suspect I think the first thing I was like oh cool sweatshirt yeah I'm a
00:38:19
murderer suspect no you don't you wouldn't bring the murder object in the [ __ ] you're not going the there's
00:38:24
blood on it and [ __ ] evidence you're not going to walk in like that what you want to
00:38:29
know dripping with blood down my hand well you know 15 we found 15 school kids you know what I mean stabbed with these little knives yeah I I heard about it yeah yeah heard about it and um you are
00:38:43
in possession with one oh no I just this is I was doing a school project myself oh you do yeah what's the blood what me
00:38:50
my blood maybe we have that to do um DNA testing this is my scissor get it they would grab it you would at some point yeah we would what if I just put it up my ass I'm sure they have the technology
00:39:02
good luck getting that out I fart it right back out I would wedge it out of your butthole right put it in one of
00:39:08
those bags yeah and that would just go to any DNA spot wait investigate me like I'm a real murder s let's see how he would do it versus how you would do it all right so we're both coming in you're
00:39:19
both cops so what is he accused of and Rudy is a cop too she's in there so there's us three are in there no it's not accused there's a murder and you
00:39:25
have to and you have to figure out if I did it yeah I understand that but who are you to the murder this is what
00:39:31
you're trying to figure out right all right all right all right all right so said he was better than me T all right
00:39:36
so we walk in I'm I'm I'm at I'm arrested I'm at the table I have to do a thing where I walk in with you guys you
00:39:42
guys all walk I have to do a thing where we walk in together you go walk in [Music]
00:39:48
together you're not walking in right you're going to stay okay she's already in there she's in the room she like the um she does the notes the they don't
00:39:55
have any of those in there the [ __ ] oh a stenographer she's a stenographer inside the jail cell I want my phone call I want my [ __ ] lawyer all right
00:40:07
hello I want my lawyer I want my phone call and I want my [ __ ] lawyer right now this is unconstitutional what you guys are doing to me hi so um I'm
00:40:18
detective Cho hi detective Cho and this is um detective Jackson detective Jackson Juan Jackson Juan Jackson detective Juan Jackson um we asked him to change his name but
00:40:31
he wouldn't you know you don't look like a wand I know it's a little confusing well you know don't worry about that don't one be in question hey all right
00:40:39
relax how do you spell one w n is that it we got a smart one here Bobby Smart M who's Bobby mean uh CH Cho what's your last name again we've been working together for 30 years you not know each
00:40:51
other did you hit your head and had a brain on yours I apologize what's your last name again well I
00:40:58
it's Cho this is Officer Jo I remember when my wedding and you were my best friend but this is are you okay do you
00:41:05
need to step out do you need to step out for a second let me just oh you got it let me gather myself oh no no stay here
00:41:10
okay so um by Mr MCG I'm using this in court to say that the [ __ ] that the interrogator was is doesn't know his partner's name out of it and he's drunk on [ __ ] wine I'm winning this case
00:41:21
immediately we're [ __ ] not goingon to do Mr M Mr MCG hello hi hi Charlie Charlie MCG hello Charlie yeah nice sweatshirt oh thanks a lot where'd you get it that's anies oh yeah yeah you
00:41:35
like comedy it's an Asus Island oh it is it is it's clever name where's this Asus
00:41:40
Island uh right right here in LA in La yeah um have you heard of uh that is in Santa salum let me tell you something cop what do you want to [ __ ] know anyway not playing games all right so
00:41:52
July 12th where were you that day do you remember was it Thursday no November [ __ ] 20 something how would I know what I was in July where were you in July in July I'll tell you where I was
00:42:03
on July 12th where um look at him officer Jackson and I got a call that a woman was chopped into 3,000 little pieces duck food what yeah somebody
00:42:18
chopped your wife up to make duck food my wife was killed 6 months ago and I never knew about it what what shut the [ __ ] up Jackson what you Jackson you
00:42:29
already know this Jackson Jackson you already know this good he's ask he's acting as he has no idea what's going on another episode of good cop black cop good cop black cop so anyway we found
00:42:41
your the your wife Remains by the the lake yeah I want you guys to find the killer why am I arrested because um on
00:42:49
every little piece of every little piece of your wife right we found a fingerprint really yeah on every little
00:42:56
piece and whose fingerprint yours do you know why she's my [ __ ] wife we live together right but my point is dead body
00:43:03
huh it's on her dead body yeah it she was alive at one point I was hugging her and kissing her she's my wife and then
00:43:08
someone killed her that's why my fingerprints are on her that's a very good argument but we also found brain
00:43:15
matter yeah there's fingerprint marks on the brain what about so how did you in the back of your trunk what about that huh we'll get to that in a second Jackson can we go through the brain what about the can we go to the brain first
00:43:28
go thank you Jackson in fact Jackson did you guys come in with a plan Jackson cuz really Jackson's really sabotaging all this who's interrogating
00:43:40
here us or you be quiet sorry I'm Jack this guy is something else Mr shut the [ __ ] up Jackson how quickly would he be kicked off the for I know can you wait here for a second I'm going to go get a different partner all right so I'm
00:43:55
we leave we come back right uh new partner new partner you're still there in the room so Mr Jackson's still in the
00:44:02
room because he is a detective right [ __ ] but I brought detective uh origami oh here hi Miss origami yeah so um hi it's Miss not Mis I said Miss
00:44:16
origami you said mister I I didn't I thought you we shouldn't be hung up on that one
00:44:24
point I'm trying to get you guys to catch the and you've arrested me for no reason well that right there you getting
00:44:30
her name wrong proves that you killed your wife oh detective Jackson Jackson's off the yeah you're on probation you're
00:44:36
you're on probation all right don't drink next time anyway so jly to you have no idea but we found every we found fingerprints on every even inside of her body The Remains yeah how is your
00:44:48
fingerprint on like inside of her body yeah how do you love your wife sir you've never put your hand inside of
00:44:54
your wife's body yeah but I haven't stuck my hand inside inside her brain well then you guys don't know really how to love each other then that's real love
00:45:01
is that's real love that's real love I feel like you have got no evidence you've got no case anyway well anyway
00:45:06
thanks for coming in thanks a lot no I'm not we're not done yeah we're done no we're not done I'm getting a new
00:45:12
staff wait let's see what Jack I'm firing the two people I'm working with let me see whaton let's see what Jackson has to say go ahead officer we're now
00:45:19
we're at court we're in court pass you the Day and The Time of the crime where were you on July 12th do you know
00:45:25
exactly where you were on July 12th insane how could I know that I don't know I can tell you in the month of July my wife and I were both getting back
00:45:31
from Hawaii I had to go on a business trip I have I have tickets to prove all that you said the month we asked you for
00:45:37
the day see what I'm talking about that's why you got to dig deep you got to dig deep Jackson because this guy
00:45:43
Jackson knows he's okay you okay so you was on a vacation we were in Hawaii Namaste yeah
00:45:51
yeah Cal surrending you now yeah jackon you're on probation can you let me can you let me do what I in this [ __ ] wi is killing I catch criminals every day Mr
00:46:04
child or is it choing CH so where were you you said the month yeah in the month of July but we said July 12 I don't we got back we got back from Hawaii the the end of the
00:46:16
first week uh end of the first week in July maybe that was the fourth or the sixth and we were home the whole time
00:46:23
together okay yeah but she was killed very good Jackson very good Jackson yeah I don't know I I'm telling you on the on the 12th we were together that day I went to work as I always do I
00:46:37
came home and she was murdered I told you guys that in the report you came home and she was murdered that's exactly
00:46:43
what I said Jackson he's guilty he's done I'm sorry Jackson um did you hear what he you hear what he
00:46:48
said right he came home and she was murdered Jackson this is America not the Ukraine I mean we have different ways we
00:46:59
need evidence okay your honor he says he was home and she got killed he is guilty yeah he'd be the worst detective I think
00:47:06
one of the worst of all time of all time I thought I did pretty good ship station a ship station are you
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00:48:28
ship happen bepoke post you guys for bepoke post has a thing called the box of awesome yeah and what it is is the best Christmas gift you probably can give to anybody all right so Bobby got
00:48:41
me a box of awesome which I thought was very cute and sweet and I got a um a garment bag you want to bring it to me
00:48:46
bring it to bring me the garment bag uh box of awesome uh is this incredible thing where it's got a collection for
00:48:52
every part of your life you take this quiz at box ofawesome.com your answers are going to help them pick the right box of awesome for you they release new
00:48:58
boxes every single month across different categories it's free to sign up um and then it only costs 45 bucks
00:49:03
but it has over $70 worth of gear inside thanks thanks George look at this Bobby got me this it's blue cuz that's my
00:49:09
favorite color and this was very nice it was very thoughtful I don't own suits but I do like to put shirts in here yeah
00:49:14
that's why I got it for you shirts are so wrinkly cuz I a wrinkly boy that's right uh but plus each box of awesome
00:49:20
you're supporting a small business 90% of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small and upcoming brand get 20% off your first monthly box
00:49:28
when you sign up at box ofawesome.com and enter the code badf friends checkout that's box ofawesome.com code bad friends for 20% off your very first
00:49:38
box it's just I don't know this man that's sitting in front of me right now Doc yeah he's confident no this is
00:49:45
unlike him why because he's usually quiet MH and to himself you know he's sort of like that this is black man is he's come
00:49:57
alive I know but it's I've known him for 20 years I've never seen him like this before World he's drunk
00:50:05
bbby [Music] world oh my God oh my God you feel that [ __ ] he was pumping himself up in the car he's like I'm going go in there and
00:50:24
I'm a [ __ ] you drive did you drive here yeah I'm not drunk dog this ain't no [ __ ] please wait like 30 minutes before you drive home no no no I'm not drunk I don't you buzz a little bit no
00:50:37
okay I didn't I'm being interrogated again you feel that I feel like not being honest I'm being honest too I wouldn't I wouldn't play with y'all like that okay
00:50:49
yeah that's real talk okay it's been a heavy episode it's been this episode has been interesting it's been wild weird as [ __ ] it's wild and weird what is this you
00:51:02
like it I think so I think I like that I like it a lot yeah yeah it's a new depth
00:51:09
you go deeper and deeper in yourselves and you find Serendipity remember that word
00:51:16
that's not what Serendipity means god damn it you said it what did you say it mean again I [ __ ] forgot Serendip serendipitous means like something that's kind of universally
00:51:27
happening out of pure luck and Randomness that comes together Serendipity like it's it's serendipitous
00:51:32
that Bobby called you that day to be on the show uh and it was serendipitous because it this worked out worked out
00:51:38
okay yeah that's serendipitous that's exactly what I'm telling you right now it worked out hell yeah
00:51:47
yeah love you Bobby I love you too little one are you are you going somewhere for Thanksgiving no I'll be here I'll be working on Thanksgiving well yeah yeah
00:51:58
yeah I'm going over I got a Latino family that's been like taking me in since 2000 stop st wait a minute this is
00:52:05
something you're that guy hell yeah Google you know where I'm from Google guy text San deos halisco araas for the
00:52:14
East compas out there we do it EC e we've lost all control of the show I'm sorry all right I love it I
00:52:26
love hey man I'm telling y y feel hey Google man texts woman on accident Thanksgiving do you know this story no
00:52:36
every year this warms my soul like be warmth young man who was actually that's doc young man was AC invited to
00:52:42
Grandma's Thanksgiving as a teen keeps the tradition going so in 2016 Jamal Hinton and Wanda D dretch
00:52:51
they're still going start their first two met when dret from Mesa sent it oh she sent the text inviting him for
00:52:56
dinner and it was meant for her grandson uh who had changed his phone number instead Hinton got the message sitting in class in deser Vista High School the
00:53:03
two figured out the mistake they sent selfies to each other and then she was like come over to the house and they're on their sixth year of having
00:53:09
Thanksgiving together some random kid this young black kid Jamal who and then he goes to this older white woman's house wow after dren's husband
00:53:23
died what whatam what the are you all right dog right dog AE little bit of te but you bring good ass stories like that Tino that's [ __ ] that [ __ ] is
00:53:39
beautiful did you feel the energy off that goddamn store [ __ ] I I think I told it poorly yeah I
00:53:54
think I think we entered a different realm I mean I [ __ ] up the story yeah yeah it doesn't matter it [ __ ] drove him into you hit home bro you hit home
00:54:04
that's a black kid and a white lady right I think so yeah give me a hug bro wait what the [ __ ] we doing it we making strides here
00:54:15
bro we've been friends for a long time what is this this is crazy [ __ ] what's wrong with you today sit down dog sit your [ __ ] ass down I love this guy bro bro this [ __ ] is like we
00:54:29
bringing the whole [ __ ] we got [ __ ] Korea you go get y remember and [ __ ] me and this guy bro yeah man this is another Dynamic
00:54:40
you better feel that [ __ ] Bro oh my feel it okay sit [Laughter] down you bro doc yeah you bro
00:54:57
it's out of control out of control doc can I okay let's let's investigate let's investigate Bob for real everything he says puts a cringe in my body what
00:55:08
happened what happened today what's going on today something happened I'm going tell you something here we go I came here and I was like you know what I
00:55:16
love these yeah I came here and I said I love these guys right love jwes love my little Korean brother love my little Anglo sax
00:55:26
right and I said [ __ ] it was just the energy today bro we was you don't feel that I do you don't feel that I everybody feels it like I think that I don't know if you
00:55:39
want to do it today but we we need to do like a group hug one time just to show you hugged me already yeah but that was
00:55:45
just me and you though but Bobby didn't get in and then tues I feel like come over here okay and I'll give you a hug
00:55:52
go give no no I said a group hug Bobby no no you gave him a doesn't she steps out of this I want my
00:55:59
individual cug well can we can we can we do like a contract right now first all what do you mean contractual because the
00:56:06
contract got to be no violation that's you understand what I'm saying no I don't yeah be clear well you know
00:56:14
no no cup in the but Ock no cup in the but Ock and uh that's not how I hug but all right 3 second rule 3 second rule po see how we were maybe about me
00:56:26
20 seconds long 20 seconds I get 20 seconds time out [ __ ] time out that was 20 seconds long I know but time out guy
00:56:33
you don't understand what 20 seconds is it's an eternity to him it's an eternity but I get the 20 seconds yeah I'll give
00:56:40
you a 20 the 3 second rule refers to food on the ground hugging what are you talking I
00:56:46
thought it was what did you think the 3 second rule was it was 5 Seconds all oh it's 5 Seconds did you hear FR fancy
00:56:53
yeah they do it different in Spain okay they do it okay all right all well go give Bobby a hug you got a timer you got
00:56:58
to put this on uh on your phone yeah I'll do it right now we'll do a time you want and you want how long so no ass no
00:57:05
ass cing is that it no cupping uh no cheek to cheek just just plain old [ __ ] specific man just hold up just plain old you know what doc all right I love you buddy all right get over there
00:57:20
where are you guys going right here middle we'll go in the middle the middle can you get it right here yeah yeah we
00:57:25
see you okay all right all right and when you're I have some rules okay okay I have some
00:57:31
rules too well what are the rules say it in your mic what are the rules what are the rules all right for me stand right
00:57:38
there for for me hugging is about chest to chest so the chests have to be locked in
00:57:45
together right yeah it's like you know when a spaceship is trying to lock onto another spaceship that thate of we
00:57:51
locked in you know what it fuels the fuel cell the what I mean not Interstellar is it you didn't see
00:57:56
Interstellar there I'm sry you didn't understand it I can I can guarantee you that all right so anyway so chest to
00:58:02
chest right and um that's pretty much rules that's chest to chest CH can I make it some rules also um I think chest to chest NOS to nose is how you get a really good H I know that nose to nose
00:58:15
is a good one I think chest toest nose to nose is good I think you guys got to be chest to chest no no we
00:58:21
touch noses We Touch noses We Touch nose I'm es I'm quarter Eskimo you know that
00:58:26
he is yeah I'm I'm quarter esimo so chest to chest NOS to knows what else chest to chest NOS to knows 40 seconds and tip to tip yeah what is tip to
00:58:38
tip yeah no tip to tip okay tip to tip I want I I will do I'll I'll throw it in there yeah please at the end in the end in the last 5 Seconds tip to I will also can I just throw one last one last thing
00:58:49
this is how we hug I have tip to tip I I have I have carpal tunnel on both hands
00:58:55
you do right so I have to do underhooks I know that yeah so I have to do underhooks Chester chest nose to nose
00:59:00
right I need underhooks all right 20 seconds Chester chest nose to nose underhooks cannot start the [ __ ] clock until we touch noses okay all
00:59:07
right hey man I'm not making the rules I'm just obeying him I'm not making the rules I just obey him get over
00:59:14
there but remember under no pressure hurry up man [ __ ] you say when Bob say when chest
00:59:24
to chest nose to nose nose to nose nose to nose yeah hold it hold it hold it hold it
00:59:40
hold the nose doc hold it ready one two you didn't hold hold [ __ ] okay go it would have been over with it would have been over with
00:59:52
it would have been over with ready one two 3 go hold it hold it and feel it DOC you're into this love feel it man
01:00:04
[ __ ] 6 seconds and 6 seconds start it over start it over I'm starting over start it over dude if you just went
01:00:10
through blocking the camera you did six seconds all right you did 20 seconds is not that 20 seconds yes dude and you got six seconds is all you got hold on hold
01:00:21
I got a show to do man we got to go we got to go in the morning all right ready all right ready and man
01:00:29
what the [ __ ] okay ready ready one two come on dude give him nose to nose or one two three go okay it's on it's going hold it
01:00:41
DOC no dick the dick dick the dick dude don't give up dick the dick 10 seconds come on don't [ __ ] up doc so close don't [ __ ] up 18 19 20 all right you did it
01:00:56
you did it okay that was pretty good I don't think that was good at all very good very good
01:01:05
thank you so much for that doc honestly did you like it I did like it that was a pretty good hug I think the
01:01:11
best one I've had in a while you hooked I hooked it up yeah thank you so much bud you're welcome D yeah
01:01:16
yeah how do you feel about all this [ __ ] rude are you are you into this what is that very intense very intense very
01:01:23
intense she's not if I left hey juwels if I left Kila and I said to you I'm dating doc now how would you feel about it would you be supportive if we got
01:01:36
married supportive but I wouldn't go to your wedding well that's not support that's the opposite of supportive of
01:01:42
yeah no but I just make an excuse but I would say oh what you have a commercial audition what the [ __ ] are you talking
01:01:47
about she's telling you in advance she has an excuse yeah yeah I can't go to your wedding I I have I'm doing something but I support it I oh you
01:01:53
support it how do you support it then if you don't show up I'll give them a gift what gift what we
01:01:59
what are you going give us dildos it's a good gift how El you don't like toys I mean
01:02:07
our marriage bro our marriage is not going to survive on just anal sex alone no you got if you have you we need to we
01:02:13
need devices dude you know what I mean okay whatever you think bro like I'm sending off emails and you're like you
01:02:19
you're on your belly you're completely naked I'm sending off emails just listen look at me right now dude I'm trying look at me Doc it's hard to look in your
01:02:24
face right now we have a king siiz bed right we get a brand new houseal King Cal King right I'm in my pajamas this is
01:02:33
1 in the morning right and you're on your belly completely naked right come on Bob right I go I got to send out
01:02:41
these emails yeah you're busy and he's like come on man here I am with my little black hole exposed so I take one
01:02:47
of the devices that I get from jewes and I'm doing emails but I'm just you know what I mean and you're just I
01:02:55
know you're just just you mean Chate milk all over my hand for some reason yeah yeah and send right I'm doing emails business
01:03:10
go very good here's the speed that everyone would like in this room ready everyone in this room would like this
01:03:16
this is the speed okay of the vibrator Jewel's a speed ready uh very good and I press the button Bob
01:03:25
Bobby speed yeah yeah uh my speed doc speed it's my hands are getting swallowed a lie right it's that little Contraption in
01:03:44
Dune where it holy [ __ ] we're 15 we're 15 years old I'm a child than than for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend oh my
01:03:57
[Music] God wo wo