00:00:00
hey bad friends uh bob is not on the road right now but i am go to andrewsantino.com for dates
00:00:06
andrewsantino.com for them tour dates i'm gonna be in atlantic city at the end of the month then i go to
00:00:11
houston and madison and boston and nashville and we're adding dates as we go be on
00:00:16
the lookout but go to androsantino.com for tickets you two are bad friends who
00:00:22
are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two
00:00:27
are oh you disgusting or something we're bad friends you know the comedy store is
00:00:33
opening they call you they call they send me text messages and phone calls yeah they're opening up i'm not coming back next week i'm not
00:00:38
coming back why aren't you until after the panda after i come back from europe right well
00:00:44
because you want to go to right that's why i haven't written anything in a year i have not written anything
00:00:49
a year i don't think [Laughter] that was a good one it's a good real
00:00:55
good one it's a good joke you're in a bad mood no i'm not a bad i can tell you know what you get more i can tell it's in
00:01:00
your eyes and your cheeks be honest what's going on are you annoyed that we're late no not
00:01:06
actually i wasn't i didn't even did i mention it and i'm annoyed that she's yawning so what's going on
00:01:11
people couldn't stop asking about rudy at the show i'm not i'm not i'm literally not making
00:01:16
that up yeah yeah i'm not i'm not no that has nothing to do with what my i'm not saying i'm in a bad mood how many people do you think
00:01:22
we're in the room now how many people were asking about rudy if i'm being genuine after the show i took some questions out of
00:01:27
the show yeah yeah 13 people every single show what's rudy gonna do what's are you guys
00:01:34
gonna get rudy gone who's gonna fill in yeah yeah oh everybody asked and i said it's none of
00:01:40
your business we'll figure it out how we have to figure it out it's so funny because today we have we had dinner for the first time at a restaurant and um kalai lemon
00:01:47
which one jinya oh i love jinya ramen no not ramen no hamburgers do you have
00:01:55
offshoot hamburger oh they did yeah cheese were delicious wow yeah they put some umami sauce on it
00:02:01
cheeseburger yeah it's delicious actually the time the ramen plate the ramen was good was it good yeah but anyway who um can i
00:02:07
finish my story a bad mood shoots a bad mood i'm not in a bed how am i in a bad mood hey i could deal with your eyes
00:02:14
i could tell with your eyes what's going on you to sleep well you know me well i know what's going on i haven't been
00:02:19
getting any sleep yeah you'd look tired and just like on the edge i'm having night sweats
00:02:25
oh and i think it's because of the vaccine i'm being serious night sweats night sweats that's nice i
00:02:30
looked it up it's part of it oh night sweats and one of my testicles disappears into my body in the middle of the night it'll go
00:02:36
up into my body that's happened to me and i'll have to go i know that happened to me all my life it just disappears it's just
00:02:42
gone it's never been there which one right or left both of them are just tucked inside my [ __ ] dick do you know how they feel like they're on strings i feel like
00:02:48
it just crawls up the string at night and yeah let's go sometimes yeah but it feels so strange in my body
00:02:54
too many how many wrinkles do you have on my nuts yeah it's the it's i mean it's my nose just so wrinkled like you can't i can't count
00:03:00
how could you i counted 962. 362. yeah mine looks like a brain it's just like yeah it's just
00:03:05
rolls up like see yeah it's see mine's like uh is your stretchy i call
00:03:11
it dune because there's like a little jagged sneeze snakes you're that little monster
00:03:16
a little snake comes out yeah no too many people asked about you that's all i want to say it was annoying
00:03:22
and and then everyone was like tell us what school she's going to go to and it's i said we're going to reveal it
00:03:27
on the show yeah yeah just wait till we get to we're going to reveal it do you want to reveal it we haven't decided yet yet anyway so we
00:03:35
were at the restaurant can i finish my junior story or what yeah thank you bad mood um i'm not in a bad mood
00:03:41
i can tell already i love it andres am i in a bad mood absolutely yeah yeah yeah go ahead
00:03:48
so um we're at junior and kalella goes you know what um juliana that's her real name yeah
00:03:54
rudy rudy rudy juliana yeah rudy juliana um you should have a waiting job and i go
00:04:00
please oh that'd be cool i'll tell you why i'll tell you why because you have you waited tables dude
00:04:06
i've done overview i did busing i did serving i did hosting i did dishwashing yeah you i didn't get slammed right yeah
00:04:13
for like an eight-hour shift i mean you're just you know especially at a busy restaurant yeah you get a
00:04:20
section right yeah as a waiter yeah and it's like ketchup here tabasco here i got an order coming up here
00:04:26
i said no tomato they want their check and you're running around in a circle for eight hours like losing
00:04:32
like a mania yeah what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] i mean and then at the end of the day you get
00:04:39
90 maybe maybe maybe yeah right this ungrateful little i i don't
00:04:47
right she she but you sit here you yawn yeah right you say three things like i
00:04:53
agree tito andrew or whatever yeah and then sometimes i don't know where she'll go the jews then you're like whoa oh crazy
00:04:59
what too far but my point is is that i want her to have a waiting job yeah you need one so
00:05:04
that she can just realize how lucky she is how lucky she is all right well let's do it right now i'm a customer we might my husband and i
00:05:10
just sat down to eat yeah why don't you serve us yet hello hello hi do you have any specials yes we
00:05:18
have the apple cider salad oh you love apple cider vinegar
00:05:26
yeah i love how they pigment you eat the lettuce they dip it right they dip it in the
00:05:31
lettuce that the apple cider yeah there's not like 24 hours there it is delicious is that a real
00:05:37
salad that's an autumn chopped apple cider salad yeah yeah what else do you have a salad for
00:05:42
uh we have the carnitas carnitas i love carnitas what does that
00:05:49
come with tacos oh so you get you get tired you
00:05:54
get tacos with the carnitas what kind of taco so do you get carnitas just a plate of carnitas and then two things you get tacos
00:06:00
and carnitas wow wow all right what's how much is that
00:06:11
we'll split the apple cider salad and then we'll also split the carnitas on the tacos anything else on the uh special special
00:06:17
menu uh do you want drinks yeah what do you have what do you have to offer we're not really into
00:06:23
we're a couple obviously clearly yeah and him i like gays
00:06:31
what she said i like gays and you know what that's so we're fine with that you're
00:06:37
lucky we're fine with you yeah but generally you shouldn't say that if you were a black couple right you you shouldn't say i love
00:06:44
blacks right even if you do and that's fine that you do but you just don't go i like blacks and internally you can feel that right
00:06:50
to outwardly say that right we're cool with the gay comment though more fun how can i show that i like you
00:06:56
just be nice to us just be nice and because we're normal we're just regular people yeah right so um don't treat us any
00:07:03
different so you have we ordered those two things so in terms of drinks we're not into sugar right now we're not
00:07:09
on a sugar cutting sugar right out of our diet and so whatever well it said well we want to fancy it up because this is
00:07:15
what is this restaurant called again this is uh what was the menu oh yeah what was it um
00:07:23
[Music] i love tokyo this is a chain right yeah yeah yeah great change yeah it started
00:07:29
in el paso there was two in el paso and then one in albuquerque and then i think that's why they came here where we are
00:07:35
in southern california delicious well so here at tottatinoanis do you have anything else to drink that wouldn't be water yeah
00:07:41
um we have something similar to water which which is what which is what um um
00:07:50
spraying water oh spring water spring water here how fancy that's cool
00:07:55
we do like really we love spring we'll take a bucket of that we'll take a bucket of [ __ ] spring water please yeah okay
00:08:01
and yeah do you have any desserts yeah actually we might we like to order dessert when we're ordering the whole meal yeah
00:08:06
because they like it on the table to look at what's coming what's coming to give us a reward yeah we just have
00:08:12
chocolate pot pie a chocolate pot pie perfect perfect so
00:08:19
um so it just seems like a lot of sugar we are cutting out we're cutting out sugar but desserts are
00:08:25
full of sugars well we've been to plenty of restaurants that don't have sugar desserts
00:08:30
i mean something like you have anything lighter than a chocolate pot pie oh yeah and what's in the chocolate is
00:08:36
it let me ask you can i ask you a question chocolate is it a chicken pot pie so it's basically the
00:08:43
crust of a pie of a pie inside it's just pure chocolate chocolate melted chocolate the chef will give you
00:08:50
a surprise and put potatoes and oh yeah like they do that winning combination of
00:08:57
potatoes and chocolate that everybody strives for yeah yeah potato chocolate okay
00:09:02
well listen listen that's fine do you have something lighter because yeah take a look he's not but i'm on a diet and i'd like
00:09:07
to shed some pounds and that's why he agreed to do the sugar thing with me which was sweet well i mean just because you like gays um he's
00:09:13
literally the the bottom yeah i mean he's the bottom so he doesn't really need to lose the weight
00:09:18
we like to call it the first layer i'm the first lady i'm the first layer so i i just would like to lose a little bit of weight okay
00:09:24
so what else do you have that's lighter dessert wise salad ice cream ah salad ice cream just salad with ice
00:09:32
cream on top yeah what flavor ice cream is on top yeah strawberry strawberry salad
00:09:39
it's like it's let me ask you this so it's a lettuce cup and you scoop ice cream into it yeah it
00:09:45
tastes good you know there it is there's that salad ice cream that you like so much so much well okay i guess we'll take those items
00:09:52
items okay and now we're done we're done now okay ready and can we have the check please
00:09:58
here you go ah thank you very much whoa what
00:10:04
excuse me 425 well how how could we have we got literally a salad carnitas tacos
00:10:10
yeah we got the and the ice cream salad the spring water is oh oh here we go you ordered a bucket yeah
00:10:17
we did yeah of spring water so [ __ ] uh let me ask you so a bucket of spring water at this
00:10:23
restaurant it's pretty is that 129 30 135 55. 135 wow i guess and where's this water
00:10:31
from from mount everest oh that explains wow
00:10:36
that explains it i wish you told us that up front we probably don't know what the regular water maybe you said you
00:10:41
wanted fancy we did want fancy yeah it just okay i don't the one thing i don't like on here you know sometimes servers will sign
00:10:48
their name they'll write like thanks margot with like a heart in it right yeah this one says thanks you gays
00:10:54
i know why i try to re-pass that but look yeah it's fine that you feel that way and that you're cool with us but
00:11:01
you know listen we i'll be honest with you we're not we just didn't realize the tea of tijuana was it to to tell you what
00:11:08
you wanted to this is so expensive and we only have four hundred and thirty
00:11:15
dollars yeah yeah so we're gonna we're gonna leave you whatever the tip
00:11:20
whatever the la just whatever changes left over is that okay is it okay it's fine i support gays
00:11:26
just you know what can i talk to your manager honey honey honey honey honey i want to talk to your
00:11:32
buddy no because we know the third time she said that i don't let's call let's not talk to the manager we'll just
00:11:37
call corporate okay that's fine we'll call corporate uh i just want to say something sweetie oh sweetie yeah you just you crossed the
00:11:43
line that's the first time the first time right was okay we were gonna let that pass
00:11:50
then you threw one in there you know in the middle of the middle of everything right and now to add a third one is offensive
00:11:56
not necessarily i was just saying it's fine no let's talk to the manager let's talk to the manager please ah here he is now
00:12:03
there she is there is there here's the manager now oh there he is any problems yeah yeah your
00:12:11
waiter mentioned you know we we we mentioned that we were a gay couple oh and she was the poor guys in this
00:12:18
restaurant we understand we know that it comes from the top it comes from the top i know you can
00:12:23
feel it trickle down trickle trickle down racism yeah all right so sir
00:12:29
she multiple times during our meal had mentioned that she liked gays which we understand that's a cool that's
00:12:35
fine we like that but i don't think she needs to bring up our sexuality during the dinner also because i just was a side note why
00:12:40
is spring water 125 that should have been my first question yeah that should have been it comes from mont everest
00:12:48
well i guess that's that i guess that's that makes sense anyway so and then so she threw in a gay bomb yummy in the
00:12:54
middle three times three times the third one was a little offensive oh i'm so sorry rudy jules can i talk to you for a
00:13:00
second okay you don't tell them that you like them you just like smile and that's it that's right but you said
00:13:07
to express love yeah but uh with a smile you know good service
00:13:12
that's it okay okay okay is there a is there like a gay discount that you guys might have to make up for some of
00:13:18
the what you just did like do we we do have a gay discount 20 off if you can prove that you're gay you
00:13:25
know what you can i just say something if you can prove you want us to prove that we're gay
00:13:31
can you imagine this restaurant can you imagine this restaurant you have to prove your by the way i imagine a restaurant a couple walking a couple
00:13:39
sitting down enjoy and rudy comes up and just goes i love gays yeah no we're something we do a lot of
00:13:45
gay stuff and i just feel like that whole scene we don't do a lot of gay stuff we do we're always a gay couple we're always
00:13:50
[ __ ] right and we're always doing something this is a fantasy i understand that but let's you know can we be something else like
00:13:56
hermaphrodites or sure fine or what isn't her from raphael you're born with both genitalia
00:14:02
let's just do that okay let's try that but not right now because
00:14:07
we already did this scene what if we're like the next i know but the next scene okay the problem will not be gay okay good luck yeah we're we're brothers
00:14:15
but we both happen to be hermaphrodites and sometimes we kiss yeah sometimes but that's just you know
00:14:22
either family that's a family stuff that's right yeah yeah yeah that's like to say goodbye yeah we [ __ ] kiss but that
00:14:27
that's family that's family stuff that makes sense but for us to always say that we're gay i just feel like we don't want to
00:14:33
stretch our lives it's not that it's not that it's just because we're two guys that host this
00:14:38
and rudy jules is the resident queen of the pod here yeah when we're in a relationship
00:14:43
on the uh but why aren't we pirates ah you know i mean because we're gay guys oh yeah that's right
00:14:52
look at this by the way look at look at what uh look at what gaps gaps is brought up on the screen yeah um i honestly um
00:15:00
you i look like a girl that just is a no you look [ __ ] yeah you look
00:15:06
like somebody that like um i'm a let's i'm a heroin dealer i'm in a small town
00:15:13
right somewhere in massachusetts right and you look like somebody just says i just don't have the money [Laughter]
00:15:19
right and i'm like you know i mean what are we going to do about it and i'm like you know i need to get
00:15:24
something out of it that kind of a situation like well what do you want and then you you propose something that's like out of
00:15:30
control like i'll i'll stick gerbils in my vagina right right and i'm like i didn't offer
00:15:35
that but i did yeah yeah so can i have the yes i'll throw i need the h bad
00:15:42
yeah this actually these two girls go out together these two girls go out and party at night if you were a drug addict what
00:15:48
um what drug would i be no no but like like if you and i were on crack what is your line what do you mean we're
00:15:56
like we're street people yeah you and i are three people right right we're living under our tent yeah
00:16:02
under bridge under the freeway on the freeway yeah we we need heroin eight hours a day
00:16:08
every eight hours we need it yeah our kick we gotta get our fix oh we start going to detox right right so what are you willing to
00:16:14
honestly though what would you be willing to do kill you would i don't want to do something would you suck dick
00:16:20
or kill i don't want to do sex favors i'll i'd rather be the murderer you i know you're not killing anybody i'm
00:16:25
not killing no no no no you're too much of a sweet boy i'm stabbing for sure for heroin but then you go to prison i know but
00:16:32
it's better that well and then i'll have to smoke there so it's like i'll get over it at some point yeah yeah i don't want it i
00:16:37
just don't want to do oh my god that's rudy as a duty oh my god wow car there's carlos
00:16:43
centilius he's one of the members of the band yeah rudy look at what you look like as a
00:16:49
dude why do you look like a mexican guy you look like what we have gilbert you look like gilbert
00:16:55
yeah a little bit yeah i think you look like a mexican guy there yeah wow let me ask you something last night
00:17:02
um we were watching the fights yeah yeah we did but there were there were many nights ago
00:17:08
two weeks ago a couple weeks ago three weeks ago okay yeah and you're watching the fights
00:17:15
we're only watching the fights and um i kind of got to fight with the
00:17:20
people in the house because let me just say this i got slapped in the face by the way who hit you in the face like backhanded
00:17:27
my face hard she she was gonna go really hard but she kind of
00:17:32
held back a little bit but i could tell but there was an anger you saw it right yeah yeah yeah and it's because um
00:17:40
you know rose nami yunus fought wayley yeah the chinese one correct right love
00:17:45
chinese people yeah i'm asian stop asian hate i'm not doing it okay go ahead but i was um rooting for rose
00:17:54
why because rose does things that she seems like she does the impossible
00:18:00
like um when she beat johanna young and jay check the first time right it was it was there's no in in
00:18:08
your mind you would she was never going to beat her right i mean because johanna was just
00:18:13
tearing through that division and um you know johanna fought not johanna rose
00:18:20
fought people like paige van sant and people that were even in the sim in the same category category yeah
00:18:26
johanna was the queen of the strawweight division right on beat her yep knocked her out yeah in the
00:18:32
first round and so in this one it's like you know here we have waylee who's like this buff monstrosity jacked jacked
00:18:40
right so she's you know you just think that her work ethic is probably out the window you know i mean
00:18:46
right and and rose is you know obviously not the betting favorite you know she
00:18:52
people think she's gonna lose and she was able to knock her out in the first round with
00:18:58
the kick you see that kick it was pretty it was pretty amazing it was incredible right kicks to the face
00:19:04
oh my god she falls over she gets she loses whaley and i yeah you know i go you know i'm a poor
00:19:11
woman you love it i'm a poor winner you are a poor you're a poor loser you're a you're just as poor of a winner as you
00:19:16
are losing i'm a poor in everything you're poor yeah yeah yeah yeah i went
00:19:21
you know you're rubbing it in yeah and i i think i i did a you know i mean i did a [ __ ]
00:19:28
dance move like a swirl yeah yeah you know what i mean and i i told you
00:19:33
and i went crazy i told you i joined it yeah yeah yeah and yeah you know i in their face i went to
00:19:39
people's faces yeah you know went crazy right and then she just went
00:19:44
pep in my head good and she goes and she goes you know are you white are you white
00:19:51
yeah because i supported the white one ah you know what i mean like in a situation
00:19:56
a lot of whites now when she said that right i go maybe i am yeah maybe you are
00:20:02
no no but am i a little why well because you support a
00:20:09
lot of whites yeah but it's like why do i have to as an american citizen as an american citizen why can't i
00:20:15
choose whoever you want yeah why can't i root for the american i'm an american you can
00:20:20
right but i freak because i'm an asian i have to vote i have to root for the [ __ ] china china it should be your angle
00:20:27
yeah you should you should just want to go with the asians right so what i'm saying for like if you're watching a sport i
00:20:33
have to root for conor mcgregor i don't have a choice you do every time i had to
00:20:39
i don't know even when i thought i shouldn't no really because it's like a thing you're like ah it's a pride for a country a little bit
00:20:45
that's why they waved the flags at every ufc event they always have their flags there yeah it's just it's like you're supposed
00:20:51
to a little bit huh i i don't know why i don't like it but it's like something inside you was like
00:20:56
i guess i should root for my own squad yeah you know what i mean if it's racist if it's like if it's like
00:21:03
all about the race of it but if it's about the nationality um then you kind of got to root for your national team i mean
00:21:10
you're american but like but like what but you know you're you're also asian
00:21:17
like i'm i'm american but i'm also irish so like you know yeah i got it you're italian i'm both but
00:21:23
yeah but there's no italian who what are the ufc italian fighters that i'm rooting for i i want to live in a world where that's not a
00:21:29
factor i would love that to put put your hand down i would love that don't do that i would love that
00:21:35
[ __ ] you but that's not possible i know you're talking about utopian society yeah i think can't we because let me
00:21:41
just say what are you a liberal no what are you a libby cuck listen snowflake that's why i loved star trek
00:21:49
babble for most of us andrew learning a second language in high school or college
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wasn't exactly a high point in our academic career i failed it was very difficult i failed uh spanish once
00:22:00
it's the way they teach it yeah there's babble has figured it out have they not no it's truly it is the number one selling uh language learning app
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if you're trying to learn another language which bob and i both are you know he's going overseas and he's trying to learn hungarian hungarian he wants to
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everyday life okay other language learning apps use ai for the lesson plans but babel lessons were created by over a hundred language
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experts uh scientifically scientifically proof and that's what we love science no i love the science over here babel speech
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oh you want an ocean of liquid iv yeah i mean i would i think liquid iv should like come from the streams and
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it's so good it should just be coming out of our taps yeah because i want to shower in it because it's so nutritious it's delicious if you
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don't know what it is i have it in my bottle right now it's a liquid iv plus immune support yeah it keeps you uh feeling good it's first thing in the
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00:25:28
star trek lived in a world where you know everybody people people don't people on planet or there's no more money anymore right
00:25:35
right and people just try to strive to better themselves but you love money just listen to what
00:25:41
i'm saying okay i know and maybe these are aspects that i hate about myself correct so just listen to what i'm saying right okay go ahead so
00:25:47
it's like you know um you know in that world you know we're our old objective is to explore to grow
00:25:55
and um to discover things about within ourselves and also on the outside
00:26:01
right but who's paying for the gas for the spaceship just the planet earth right and i don't
00:26:07
think it runs on gas what does it run on you think there's a gas station up there there's gotta be in the romulan [ __ ] well well what
00:26:14
what what force does it run on hope no no it probably no dilithium crystals
00:26:21
who gets who's mining the dilithium crystals aha uh mexicans for sure mexicans
00:26:28
yeah even in outer space in space yeah you're right you're trying to get to a point yes you're right yeah but i just want to get
00:26:34
to a point where it's like you know i understand what you're saying i don't think you do no i do i think you're saying that you you wish that stuff didn't mean as dean
00:26:41
mean mean as much as it does no there's also a sense of guilt of like you know am i not supportive of other like when i'm i'm
00:26:48
not when asians get beat up on the streets it's offensive to me of to me sure and i want to fight that
00:26:56
right and maybe and maybe if it was happening to another you know ethnicity it would still be
00:27:03
appalling to me but not as appalling yeah well it's not going to affect you unless it literally so that you know
00:27:09
that you know but i still would be you know i mean it would affect me still you know but um you know i just find it interesting that
00:27:16
it's like you know i can't you know support a white person you can
00:27:21
but then i get backlash but you do it privately within myself right you do it so when so publicly so when whaley got
00:27:28
knocked down correct i should have went oh oh
00:27:33
what that no of thing that's so bad wow yeah okay you have to celebrate uh
00:27:39
uh you have to celebrate internally who did you support did you like the fights rude yeah i liked it
00:27:44
you liked fighting everyone when whaley got defeated everyone was sad except he
00:27:50
to bobby that's why i got really mad what did i do what did i do you were screaming and jumping yeah and
00:27:57
then kyle said that rose said something racist too what did she say oh before all right
00:28:04
here we go so what she said her i guess her great her grandfather was um lithuanian
00:28:12
okay and died by from the communists that's terrible you fell off a tower what did the communists push him off a
00:28:18
tower i get yeah like game of thrones cool yeah it's a cool way to go and then his you know i mean his her
00:28:26
grandfather fell off the tower and became a war
00:28:31
and you know we could fly with through a crow yeah yeah pretty cool that's funny that's kind of cool but no um
00:28:37
she was like i want to defeat communism oh that oh oh yeah it was about better
00:28:43
that was her like thing to get behind i'm sure yeah i mean but it's like but that is
00:28:49
kind of [ __ ] because it's like what does whaley probably has no i mean you're born into a system
00:28:55
yeah right where you know you have to abide abide by it's like it's like you know i'm sorry
00:29:01
this is a comedy podcast i'm just go for it baby
00:29:07
but it's like you know you're saying she's she might not be communist no it's like you know that or agree with 76 days
00:29:13
where it showed the first 76 days of you know i mean the covid epidemic in wuhan uh yeah yeah and
00:29:21
you know these villagers and these townsfeed people they don't know what it is they didn't have anything to do with
00:29:28
right right this outbreak they're just born into a town you're now a fisherman or whatever you
00:29:34
might be working at a market all of a sudden you're sick you know what the [ __ ] is going on whaley is the same with probably kind meal as
00:29:40
communism i mean she's born into a system yeah system and the government knew by the way what
00:29:46
do you mean the chinese government knew about what about corona i know but they didn't do you think that they it was a
00:29:52
they created a lab and they they didn't tell the people not to tell anybody they just didn't
00:29:58
tell anybody when people were dying they were trying to find a way to cover it up yeah yeah which is what our government does the same [ __ ] up [ __ ]
00:30:03
when they're like uh we'll figure out a way to cover how weird that the government now is acknowledging aliens do you not see all
00:30:09
these reports now that they're like they're open now about it for all these years they were like that's a ufo
00:30:14
that's a [ __ ] ufo and the government's like no it's not and now look up any article they're like
00:30:20
yeah okay it's a ufo well the little grays have been living with us probably about 70 years at least you know the little grays at
00:30:27
least yeah at least look look up look up little grays
00:30:33
little tinies i told you about my yeah have you been abducted nobody had
00:30:40
an experience well what is it and you're not gonna believe me i'm gonna i'm in and i'm being i'm
00:30:46
really sorry i believe in aliens first of all let me just say this no today obviously my tone is very serious uh it was for a minute but we
00:30:52
can get back no no but this is that's why you know that when i talk about the little grays that i'm being serious i can feel it
00:30:59
thank you i can feel it so a long time ago i was 17 years old and i was in a rehab for first or second
00:31:07
stint it was my second one right third one it was my third one third time's a charm yeah yeah i was at the mcdonald center and i met
00:31:14
this man wait what i didn't hear that mcdonald's center oh the mcdonald's center yeah like the mcdonald's sponsors a
00:31:21
rehab yeah how's the food delicious yeah they're like while you're kicking heroin
00:31:27
get diabetes so anyway um i met this man there and he
00:31:33
was like a 50 year old man he was in the so i was in the kids award the teenage drug reward right you're
00:31:39
there for 45 days and then it was an adult ward but sometimes we would get together and go to meetings and whatnot
00:31:45
right so i met this man there and um his name was tom he's 50 years old or
00:31:51
whatever and i would go to these men's meet i would run into this guy all the time he looked like a
00:31:56
just a white accountant vibe yeah right and one day uh you know
00:32:02
sometimes there's this thing after an a meeting where they go you know um the meeting after the meeting which is
00:32:08
like you know all the guys or girls they go to a restaurant and they socialize it's drink coffee
00:32:14
smoke cigarettes eat all night yeah you eat right i've seen you guys at swingers they used to do it all the time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't like it
00:32:20
i just i i just it just uh i i can just you can go ahead i just when you walk in in
00:32:26
there i'm like hi can we get the table in the back you know that corner of swingers i used to love and they're like there there's a group back there i'm
00:32:31
like [ __ ] addicts they're always back and they're drinking
00:32:37
coffee all night so they're never going to give them they're never going to leave their hands no i hate it they always have the good taste is fine [ __ ] addicts it's fine
00:32:44
[ __ ] addicts i knew every time i like there's a group back there i'm like god damn so anyway so after and sometimes when
00:32:50
you go to a meeting um you go around to people and go hey you guys going to go out and eat
00:32:56
no oh some people are like that right and so one the day i was at a meeting and that happened are you guys going going yeah
00:33:02
but no no we're going somewhere else you know and nobody but tom was there this old guy he goes ali with you
00:33:10
[Music] and i'm 17. okay all right where do you want to go he's like i love eating with
00:33:16
little boys let's go to the delicatessen or whatever a deli
00:33:22
yeah yeah let's call it delicatessen delicatessen so we go to the delegate essence and we're just sitting there eating and
00:33:28
he goes um you know what i used to do right and i go what he goes
00:33:33
i used to work for the military you know and i go oh and i'm just eating like an
00:33:39
omelette mm-hmm i go oh that's interesting you know i mean i can't wait to get out of there he goes they're after me
00:33:46
i love this guy why i love this guy because they're after me why is it only white guys i don't know
00:33:51
why it turns out i'm scared now because you're i'm from the suburbs yeah at this point i've never seen a black
00:33:57
person i don't know so you think black people are after no i don't know anything
00:34:02
i don't know anything i don't know anything if i saw an american indian i would probably you mean cry with joy right pick up your
00:34:09
uh yeah i'm just like no no i'm just like i'm innocent you're yeah yeah because all my drug
00:34:15
dealings and stuff happened in san diego from where i'm from tiny little neighborhood right a little neighborhood so i don't know anything
00:34:21
outside this world okay right so i go oh cool and he goes um in fact
00:34:26
uh they're after me i go oh you know i'm eating yeah okay and he goes i'm living under my van and i go
00:34:34
and now i'm scared because i've seen tv shows yeah i mean this is where you die yeah
00:34:39
and i know what happens to little boys and vans right right he's like finish your omelet he goes uh
00:34:47
did you hear about the little grays i know about the little grays he said and i go and i'm like what is it now
00:34:53
you're interested i don't know what what's the little gray he goes they live they've been living amongst us
00:34:59
for many many years they live underneath one i don't know i don't remember which one i was young so i don't remember which
00:35:04
which military you know i mean compound area 51 no it wasn't miller area 51 it
00:35:10
was some in somewhere in virginia or whatever and he goes they live you know i mean amongst themselves they're little they
00:35:15
can read that telepathy they have kinetic powers and whatnot right yeah and um
00:35:23
they live amongst us and i go oh and he goes i stole uh files from the military that's why
00:35:30
they're after me right that's what he says to me right so i go
00:35:35
oh and he goes i could show you why is he shouldering inside a 10 year old boy i do right it's during the day
00:35:43
though too and the parking lot's like you know i mean okay packed so you said come out today it's a
00:35:48
very popular delicatessen come on out to the van yeah so i'll go to the van let me show you the files in there yeah
00:35:53
so it opens up the back door right and i see a mattress right and i'm
00:35:58
not now i'm in a point where it's like i know i can run right you're outside yeah he also he's an a
00:36:03
he's a nice guy so um now i'm not kidding you on the side of this [ __ ] van right
00:36:10
there's a shotgun guns ammo inside yeah inside yeah
00:36:15
there's files right there's like a suit yep right there's clothing and in the
00:36:22
corner of the van right um i think there's like a little stove yeah he's got to eat he's got to
00:36:27
eat right but it's like you know it looked like you know a zombie apocalypse
00:36:32
van he looks like a crazy person who steals little asian boys and takes them in the van and says that's not true and he goes in the van
00:36:39
comes out with these military documents as far as you know as far as i know but you know i've never
00:36:44
seen a military document before that's right they looked legit with the stamps gotta have a stamp
00:36:49
what did we get military always stamp stuff yeah there's photographs if there's anything you know about the military they stamp photographs and photographs
00:36:56
cut to so i see them right and i go anyway i gotta go home i'm in school
00:37:03
right so you know i go home and then maybe a year later i don't see
00:37:09
him for a year tom's gone yeah i see a year later and now he looks different his eyes are like
00:37:16
bug-eyed he's got like hair like this drugs no okay right and he just looks skinny
00:37:23
drugs and he looks fearful drugs okay i don't know right don't make assumptions well he was in
00:37:29
the night yeah he went you're just mad about the swingers go ahead you're mad about swingers i know what happened okay go ahead okay
00:37:34
i go hey man how's it going he goes i don't have long left right drugs i and then i never saw him
00:37:42
again yeah yeah this is drugs no the probably he died of drugs not everybody got him no the drug the alien heroin the
00:37:49
military and was like the military the military you think the military little guy's got him yeah yeah look up ufo look up
00:37:55
government government admits ufo don't hold your breath for a breakthrough but still the department of defense
00:38:01
confirmed just they're here but isn't it [ __ ] they're here don't remember we were kids
00:38:06
when we were kids yeah all we ever heard was they were like that's [ __ ] it's fake the government shut it down constantly right yeah they
00:38:12
should be like that's not true yeah there is no ufo the moon landing was real you know they told us all these
00:38:17
lies the earth is round all these lies they've given us over the years i know look at she's yawning again i know you need anger management classes
00:38:25
sure yeah see what i'm saying here we go you're there it's right here it's pouring out you're
00:38:31
gonna cry you're gonna cry rage i wish i could cry yeah yeah i've i haven't cried when was the last time you
00:38:36
cried rudy last night yeah why did you cry a movie what movie is a movie mortal
00:38:44
kombat no sub-zero what did you cry for
00:38:50
it was a love story oh a walk to remember oh i love a walk to remember you see it
00:38:56
yes have you seen this movie are you kidding me yeah what a cute movie what it was good
00:39:02
it's really sweet it's mandy moore it's mandy moore and what's the guy's name
00:39:08
what a movie a walk to remember do you want do you even know what it's about i don't like love stories this is
00:39:14
beautiful mandy moore and what's his name shane west shane west so mandy more
00:39:21
mandy moore mandy moore is mandy moore is paralyzed from the neck down why is it always the
00:39:28
neck down why can't it be from the ears down well because you can still feel your ears usually because this is two
00:39:33
separate uh oh it is i'm not a doctor so mandy mandy gets mandy more this movie gets in a tragic a tragic car accident right after high
00:39:40
school this is her high school boyfriend right yeah yeah she gets paralyzed from the neck down is this true yeah okay she gets paralyzed
00:39:47
from the neck down mandy moore okay yeah this everyone goes off to college and does their thing meanwhile you know she's
00:39:52
you know she's totally bugged out in a wheelchair she's stephen hawking basically okay and everyone goes off to college
00:39:58
now now this guy moves back into town because his mom is sick right so he comes back and attacks years later
00:40:05
years later how many years i think it's like five what is it five or six years five or six years he moves back into
00:40:10
town comes back into this small little town yeah okay in tennessee yeah and he comes back and sees old mandy and
00:40:17
yeah okay and he and and they form a love connection because of the loss of his mother and
00:40:24
that mandy herself had lost her mother as well in the car accident okay so then what happens this is insane
00:40:30
you're not gonna believe this you're not gonna believe this he gets her to walk
00:40:35
he actually gets her to walk how he could he creates us like he's a he's a he's a um why are you laughing nothing
00:40:42
it's just he knows the details because i did love this movie
00:40:47
oh you so he's i feel like he's making it up no this is the movie yeah it doesn't seem
00:40:52
real to me it he's an engine it doesn't because i'm saying he comes back he falls in love
00:40:58
with this girl he's an engineer right he he was a he was an aerospace engineer right he comes back he builds her a
00:41:03
contraption to get her out of the chair and it physically makes her walk on the beach for the first time let's be honest
00:41:08
though so it's a walk to her and she's physically walking on the beach together can i just ask the most beautiful movie i've ever seen
00:41:15
what um let's suppose i've never seen this movie but i want to see it though you've never
00:41:21
seen it yet so you were lying yeah yeah that's a great but imagine her on the
00:41:28
beach walking and he's machine operating that was really good that was really good so you never saw it
00:41:34
no i yeah i have no idea what that movie is i have no idea what is it about roots yeah the girl has a sickness
00:41:41
cold told you well you knew that did you know that these movies are all the same poppy these are written these are written in a form andres knows what this is because
00:41:48
he went to film school with a guy that probably wrote it these guys all write the same movie she's sick or he's sick and there's a
00:41:53
family and there's a love connection and there's a guy that comes in the middle of it or or someone else or her brother doesn't like him these movies are
00:42:00
there's a billion of them they're hallmark you've seen hallmark films yeah there's a hallmark film the guy goes
00:42:06
there's a girl in the big city and she moves back to small town or vice versa and it's like oh what's going on
00:42:11
big hutch hot big city hot shot it's all the same and then they find out that they all they need is love and you don't need
00:42:16
money or work and whatever and look at that when landon shane west decides he wants to make this activity serious he asks jamie mandy moore to
00:42:23
help uh and begins to spend most of the time with her we start to develop strong feelings for the two-star relationship with the heartbreaking secret becomes
00:42:28
known that puts their relationship to the test which is of course she's sick she's gonna die yadda yadda this is the same as uh uh [ __ ] what's the macaulay culka
00:42:35
movie with the bees when it's stung by the bees my girl orbeez my girl killer bees
00:42:41
uh so let me let me ask you it's all the same movie but to me just the premise in itself i'm going to
00:42:46
sound so bad right now but just let's be honest with ourselves i'm here all right it does it's like if you're
00:42:53
dating somebody right in high school okay you don't have the you know or even early early 20s
00:42:59
and your girl like i'm your girlfriend let's suppose and i said are we gay for this party no no i'm a girl
00:43:05
all right fine fine all right so can we be half of hermaphrodites yes that's what i like okay no so you're
00:43:10
dating we're dating in high school for real go yeah and i think i should be the guy because this is my point
00:43:16
okay that's fine that's fine i'm secure enough hey baby yeah what's up how did the
00:43:23
doctor appointment go wait a minute i don't want to play that character like that that's cheesy yeah yeah go ahead do it again all right hey sweetheart
00:43:29
hey what up no why i don't like her she's post-op i know she's had it no no
00:43:35
because why can't i play the girl that i want to play can you just play your post-op
00:43:41
you want to play post-op just go again all right fine all right i got to go deeper though that's fine if
00:43:46
you're going to go deep i got to go you don't have a deep voice i'm going to try it all right go ahead
00:43:53
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we've got every business i have i use shipstation to put my products out there
00:44:04
yeah because it is so reliable and if you you have any kind of online business if not you're using ship
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station you're going to be in the dust baby yeah i don't know why you would use anything else no matter what you're selling amazon etsy your own website
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00:44:21
etsy your own website yeah ship station funnels all you just like you said i have to
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00:46:43
hey what's up man i love you boo i love you too so what's going on oh what was the
00:46:50
doctor's appointment like pretty bad
00:46:55
i got three letters for you
00:47:03
that's what they said holy man because we've been we've been we were [ __ ]
00:47:09
without going yeah baby well i'm your girl you love me
00:47:15
hold up so stay right here okay i want to make a phone call you got it all right ring ring hello doctor
00:47:22
let's play the duck hello hi i think i need a hiv test okay tomorrow okay you can come
00:47:30
back 2 p.m okay i'll be free okay so um okay baby yeah i made a doctor's appointment
00:47:37
okay yeah so anyway you dying clearly wait a minute what was this
00:47:45
about at the beginning we got away from it real bad wait you said he said no one in high school no one in
00:47:52
high school would okay even in your channel i got to get okay here's what is the hiv it can't be hiv i'm dying of cancer i
00:47:59
can't be hiv though why hiv people you can still live with hiv
00:48:04
this isn't when did this movie come out when this movie come out oh too that was it was still maybe yeah there were still
00:48:10
people though getting the cocktail maybe but there were times tougher than they lived back then can it be a different disease
00:48:15
fine all right and the voice can we alright we'll switch up the voice is driving me crazy okay go ahead
00:48:21
well let's do voices but let's just figure what that is going to be let's surprise me okay perfect all right
00:48:26
all right hey baby yes
00:48:36
tell me what this scenario is like well let's improvise it i know but what i'm at what i'm asking telling you is is that i don't think
00:48:42
that a young couple right i think that if you know a guy you know
00:48:47
is dating a girl and she's like you know i have this rare disease i'm gonna be dead in six months right yeah right
00:48:53
i think that he'll stay with the girl out of guilt what if he's in love i don't know rudy
00:49:00
well that you're a hard person yeah women are different i'm being real it's like you're okay okay if kalila got into that's different
00:49:07
because kalila got sick right now it's different because you because you're older not only older i understand what life is
00:49:13
much more sure you mean i you know i have more days you know i mean behind me than a head
00:49:19
let's ask gabs then she's another woman that's not rudy then yeah but women have a different point of view i i feel like if
00:49:25
i like if i had some terminal disease and koala had to take care of me it
00:49:31
would be far different than if it was vice versa why my feeling because i just don't know how to do it
00:49:37
emotionally like a woman does you're saying her strength they're stronger than you
00:49:42
yeah it's like you know um i need to go to the appointment to get you know i mean my spine you know what i mean you know re
00:49:49
regeneration right and i'm like where do we gotta go every we have to do regeneration therapy
00:49:55
monday wednesday friday and it's in santa barbara noon to two yeah and we have to get up at seven in the morning and then it
00:50:01
would just be one of those things where it's like fine regeneration yeah it's gonna be one of those things where it's gonna be like i'll go i'll
00:50:06
obviously go yeah we'll do it right but it's gonna like i think it'll show on my face
00:50:13
you you're like in the morning let's just be like all right let's go so so if kalila needed spine regeneration
00:50:18
and she was i would do it i would do it begrudgingly but you're lazy to bobby there it is and
00:50:24
that's exactly right that's exactly correct a lot of guys are lazy maybe andrew isn't lazy that's right all right
00:50:31
no i would take her to do it i wouldn't even think about it either would i but you just said i'm being honest you said you i'm being too
00:50:37
i don't think i think i i don't think you're being honest no i'm being genuine if she said i have every monday you have to wake up six months that you
00:50:43
wouldn't even no because i wake up on monday night and she's gonna die anyway in six months oh sure yeah yeah because then you're right then
00:50:49
it's a countdown how exciting six months then every month i'm just like five more months
00:50:54
yeah yeah how about this if kalala got into a tragic car accident she was paralyzed from the neck down would you stay yeah you would stay 100
00:51:01
because it'd be easy to leave i wouldn't you couldn't even how could you catch you no there's no way because your house
00:51:07
isn't a wheelchair ready no because her and i have um i mean in history
00:51:12
no no it's not just history it's a clearly i'm kidding of course it's a it's a um
00:51:18
a connection that's far beyond just the physical right if you if if i can say it's probably more than
00:51:24
it's probably almost never because she was today or she was talking about how your relationship is maybe not physical
00:51:29
at all anymore we are physical but uh today she was talking about how when she was born or
00:51:35
growing up yeah growing up um there was these two
00:51:40
teenage girls that were murdered in the philippines and they had their titties cut off right and she knew a guy that was
00:51:46
accused of it whatever it might be you knew the guy no she didn't she wasn't born yet so lyla did
00:51:52
but i was like she's like it could have been me and my sister right that got her cut off right and then my response after
00:51:57
that was like oh well then my life would have been completely worse than it is now
00:52:03
because she didn't have tits no if she had died you know me in the 70s or 80s right
00:52:08
right then and i'd never met her i don't know if i would be here with you right now i don't
00:52:14
think i think my life would be completely different butterfly effect for sure everything would be different i think would be way worse
00:52:20
because it's like well that's hard to say i'll tell you i'll tell you why though i think that's true is because um
00:52:27
everything that's positive in my life is because of her is a direct result of meeting her that's
00:52:33
probably in terms of just um just the trajectory of my career the trajectory of you know
00:52:40
wanting to get better as a human being the trajectory of like just everything you think if kaleido wasn't
00:52:47
what didn't check you down when you relapsed if you didn't have heard that would have been i might have still been out there you
00:52:53
know but it's not even just that it's like when i did years ago when we lived in that apartment in on beechwood
00:52:59
[Music] she was like um we should do a podcast and i'm like
00:53:06
no she goes well i'm gonna do one on my own then go ahead she went to the guitar center
00:53:12
by herself right she set it up in the room and she did it on her own for like a month
00:53:17
right and then one day i walked by her the door was open and she was just sitting there in a mic and just didn't know what
00:53:24
to say you know she's just sitting there she had done it right and i just kind of went all right we'll
00:53:31
do one so i would go let's just call tiger belly and she's like why i'm like because no one's gonna listen to this anyway it doesn't make
00:53:37
any sense it's a non-sequitur right right and we started doing it and then here we are you know i mean i i'm a
00:53:44
podcaster yeah right because of that experience they're correct yes so it's like everything she has had
00:53:50
a positive effect everything everything so without her you'd be worthless i might be truly who knows i could have
00:53:56
found something else in life but um i think i might have got it covered because she's so you know i mean adamant
00:54:03
right she was very strict about this pandemic and yeah and i followed her you know the rules of
00:54:08
the house you sure did what do you mean no you did i did and i didn't get it
00:54:13
no that's good yeah i got it i know you did a little bit cooler than you no cooler than you irresponsible
00:54:20
it was a little bit cooler than you and you got your wife sick at the oh not only to her i got 55
00:54:27
other people sick when i found out i had it i went out i didn't stay at home i was out out and about starbucks no
00:54:35
mask coffee thank you please next trader joe's
00:54:40
you know what i mean everywhere i went dude i was was spreading it i was so i loved douchebags i loved it
00:54:48
you're a douchebag and people were like oh sir you're not wearing a mask i'm like so what i came up from huntington beach i was
00:54:55
coughing dude spitting and coughing i wasn't irresponsible i got the mat i got it with a friend outside how do you
00:55:02
know we got it from christie i know from chris's friend his mexican friend is his mexican friend
00:55:09
you misquoted what he was like a thousand times what's the matter he's not mexican i know he's a stand-up
00:55:15
yes does he feel bad about it he does uh-huh he should it's something about me that like won't
00:55:22
let certain things go like what like i have this thing where it's like
00:55:27
and i i want i want to change this about myself where like you know like my falling out with the la
00:55:33
jolla comedy store mm-hmm you can always bounce back but you know what happened right i do
00:55:39
yeah you want to talk about it and i'll never yeah i'll talk about it i just can't forgive this guy sure you
00:55:45
know maybe but why can't you forgive people that's the thing i it's something that i have within myself
00:55:51
whereas i have a i get a grudge yes you can hold it in my heart it's
00:55:56
gross forever get rid of that i know but it can't but that's gonna kill you faster than it kills them it doesn't hurt me
00:56:02
i don't it doesn't it does subconsciously you don't even know it but it does things like that do hurt us it's like um
00:56:08
i'll tell you what happened i you know that club got gutted and closed at one point did you know that yeah i do
00:56:13
okay so that that club so no no no no no no no no the manager won the manager when i was a kid yeah right
00:56:20
i and i went into that club right and mitzi one day said i'm closing it down
00:56:28
right okay who's losing money no she's like i'm moving it she moved the comedy store to the beach
00:56:35
oh i remember that yeah yeah on the coast of la you weren't around that no i heard about it yeah i know the story so then that
00:56:40
comedy store the one that we know is yeah was completely gutted it was going to be like a furniture shop
00:56:46
right right the beach there was no parking there so she they started freaking out and the
00:56:53
last second she's like let's go back right but now the club was gutted right
00:56:59
so me freddy soto guys like johnny sanchez when we were kids we went in there and we put the bamboo
00:57:06
on the wall in the bamboo yeah right we built the stage we were we went in there put carpeting down we we did it all
00:57:13
right then i worked there right as a doorman yeah right that place it was my [ __ ] home i know
00:57:20
every crack of that club right right it's like you know it's like um your hometown house that you grew up in
00:57:27
[Music] do you can you imagine that burned down oh i'm sorry it's all right i did it
00:57:36
really funny but i know what you mean yes it's like so anyway so now after i was in man tv or whatever right maybe after a
00:57:44
little after that and i had to do a special not special but a stand-up set on tv i forgot what it was sure so i
00:57:52
wanted to work out a set so i called the la jolla comedy store and i i talked to a doorman and i go
00:57:59
yo what's going on tonight he's like the best of san diego so i go oh i'm going to drive down
00:58:06
because i don't want to work it out here in hollywood and i just want to work it out there he said come on down
00:58:12
so i drive two and a half hours or whatever it is right to la jolla i go into the club
00:58:19
and this manager who i didn't even know he was new there right i go all right when can i go up
00:58:26
and he goes you can't go up here i'm gonna go why because we're doing
00:58:31
pretty funny women right yeah so i go all right well i'll
00:58:38
wait and i'll just go up at the end compromise what year is this
00:58:43
this must be 2 000. you're on mad yeah okay right so you say i want to go
00:58:50
up the end of the show that's called pretty funny women yeah which just gives women opportunity that
00:58:55
usually they didn't have a lot of spots exactly but right i meant that i'll go up at the end but i want to go at the end yeah the headline the pretty funny women
00:59:01
show special guest got it okay you're making
00:59:06
me mad right now i'm agreeing with you i literally just said got it i don't i don't think so i just said got it i'm just trying to figure out
00:59:12
the the context i need context oh if it was like an all hispanic show right you pretty funny
00:59:18
bees yeah and you and i popped in popped in at the level
00:59:25
that you're at now right imagine the talent on the thing there's no name that these are it's a
00:59:31
basically open mic night right i walk in and they're like hey it's hot tamale night right right now and you go yeah i'll go up but then you know it's
00:59:38
like okay so just go back you said i want to go up at the end yeah the manager said no right so i got
00:59:43
back in my car and it drove away but i told them um maybe i do maybe i sound like a baby
00:59:50
what did you say i said if you don't put me up right now i drove two and a half hours right you know i'm never gonna play this club again can i can i and he goes fine
00:59:57
really yeah did you did you call anybody and say i'm coming down that i just told you i did who who did
01:00:03
you contact i called the door the the phone guy during the day and the phone guy was like come on down right miscommunication so
01:00:10
did you you should've said the manager didn't the phone guy tell you i'm coming yeah i probably said that and he was like no he didn't tell me
01:00:16
yeah and then you're like oh okay well then fire that guy because that's his fault that's fine i'm not gonna all the
01:00:22
doorman and the phone guys are all stand ups right yeah so i'm not gonna [ __ ] um let
01:00:28
ruin somebody's dream sure but then well then so but it's not the manager it's not that big of a deal for la jolla
01:00:34
just put me up okay but it's not that big of a deal it's not that big of a deal so go back no no because but it's all i already
01:00:42
said if you don't put me up yeah i'm never coming back here and he go that's fine with me
01:00:47
right so i go at that point i'm like now i can never come back but what i'm
01:00:52
telling you is it doesn't bother him it's bothers you doesn't bother me this is going back to my original point we harbor those things
01:00:58
and it doesn't hurt him he doesn't lose any sleep about it it doesn't he he's never even thought about it since it happened but it does bother you
01:01:04
because it's you know still know it so well so what you want me to do is go i'm back
01:01:10
i want you to go hey i want to come back and then he i see the guy and he'll go dude it's so great to have you here we
01:01:15
haven't wish you came over the years i'm sorry that that [ __ ] thing happened you're making me so mad right now but it's so real
01:01:21
but i'm telling you what you you're you can fix something that is not even a problem no i will refuse i
01:01:26
refuse you know what it is because i'm going to give you a parallelism when rogan told the story
01:01:31
refuse i'll tell you why i refuse okay when he's fired what if he fight he gets fired or quits then will you go back oh yeah okay so
01:01:38
it's all him yeah uh huh oh yeah i'll i'll go or he could call me and go listen i'm
01:01:45
sorry but what did he do for not i'm sorry for not putting you up
01:01:51
on the pretty funny women's show but that is a funny quote i'm sorry for not putting you up on the
01:01:56
pretty funny women's show right if it was like in la right yeah and it's like but it's not l.a
01:02:03
just listen what i'm saying right right if the lineup is like sarah tiana sarah silverman you know i
01:02:08
mean whitney cummings and they're and i can always 100 i'd be like you know what
01:02:14
i can't be on the show but why not because i'm not a woman but but why could you be on the other show because it's like a packed room and
01:02:20
it's like you know because they weren't famous enough the other women exactly right and you understand my point of view right
01:02:26
i don't i mean i know why you feel that way but i don't think you're right right i think you're wrong i love you
01:02:32
but i think you're wrong okay i think the manager was put in a bad position and then you now after all these years you're big
01:02:38
bobby lee you're you're in space right now of comedy you can do whatever you want why don't you just go well then i wanted
01:02:46
to ask is there any level that you can be yes
01:02:53
to get put up on that stage yes if chris rock let me just say if chris rock drove down there right
01:03:00
could he go up there he wouldn't do that oh no that's not true because i've seen i was a doorman at the la jolla company
01:03:07
what i'm saying is if chris chris would call and go i'm coming to come to come down and i'm coming up and they would make it a thing
01:03:14
right right so my point is if you were more famous they would have been like yo chappelle
01:03:19
is coming and the whole show would have shut down so what you're saying to me right now is that i just wasn't famous enough
01:03:25
to make that happen well to make the thing a thing yeah you weren't famous enough to try to
01:03:30
bump someone on the pretty funny women show right so there's a level that you can though and i still don't think you
01:03:36
should but is there it happens all the time it happens but but it's like but it only
01:03:41
should happen if like but like i think all headliners know why would you need it you don't need to go no because i remember one time i was uh
01:03:47
the circumstances listen i was a doorman i was a doorman right at the comedy store in la jolla
01:03:53
and on tuesday nights fred burns gave us the room so they go it's all six of you
01:03:59
we're doormen you guys work your ass off to pack this room so we would take these tickets flyers and go to back then it
01:04:06
was called jack murphy stadium and we and when there was a padres game right we would pass out these tickets
01:04:12
free tickets and we sold out this room oh no it was paid no i mean we it was a yeah it was a pay-per-view room yeah but
01:04:18
we got the pool tuesday night it was packed dope right yeah our show i love those right
01:04:24
we showed up and chris rock was in town cool this is before bring your pain
01:04:29
though bring the pain bring the pain right all right and they go chris is going to go up
01:04:36
yeah in the middle of it he gotta do an hour that's awesome right and there's nothing we could do
01:04:42
that's right he went up that's right did it right and then some of us weren't able to go up yeah
01:04:47
you know what i mean and some of us got [ __ ] and we worked really hard to do the show my point is that's you know i mean but
01:04:53
you're not chris rock but i was but i i know i understand that but this is chris just
01:05:00
let me defend myself but you're not cause right i understand but this is chris rock right chris rock
01:05:07
was became huge huge after bringing the pain huge right
01:05:13
yep before bringing the pain but before that we knew it was chris rock he was [ __ ]
01:05:20
phenomenal right but so it's so what you're saying is arguably i could have you so what you're saying your point is
01:05:26
i could have bumped right yeah pretty funny woman if i was chris rock yeah and i wasn't
01:05:32
big enough that's right okay and since the since that the since the circumstances were because it's also i want to add this
01:05:39
little thing into it it's also my home club i know i i i that's why i think you should squash this and it'd be
01:05:45
no i will not i refuse to how about this no no i refuse to do it
01:05:50
how about we do a bad friend show though i'm gonna double would you do it with me no i'm not refused i'm gonna double down now right
01:05:56
now i'm gonna do everything i can from that from this point forth i'm gonna i'm acting like a little baby
01:06:02
i love it all right from this point forward yeah right yeah i'm gonna do everything i can i will
01:06:07
never give up to take the club down no not the club to make the club i will never give up i'm gonna try to get as big as i [ __ ]
01:06:15
can let's do it and let me say something right now right i'm in a very good trajectory right now you're killing it
01:06:21
are you being sarcastic you're killing don't make me mad you're killing it and i'm gonna do everything i can to get
01:06:26
bigger and bigger did you watch any of the pretty funny women did you stay for any of it seriously you
01:06:33
had me in such a bad mood continue you did this i didn't do this you talked about it
01:06:39
you didn't agree with me what i agree with you on is um
01:06:45
you know the show you know what the show is eh it was a [ __ ] up situation yeah it was not fair but i don't think
01:06:52
you should hold it out to your san diego fans how about that if you yawn again dude it's been the whole show oh yeah
01:06:57
it's been the full shot and you don't want to be here and the worst part is the fans like you and that's what's so annoying they're so annoying you don't even love
01:07:03
you so much this is doing so much for your life right so anyway um pull the mic up to your face yeah yeah yeah
01:07:09
god it's so it's just a one rule it's not this ever it's never been it's right here always listen guys i want to be here
01:07:16
oh okay all right so here's the deal all right i just want to do a group apology okay all right you you have a tendency
01:07:22
because i love you so much i love you like we're family we are to really dig in right and to get me there yeah you got
01:07:29
me there for the first time right but let me tell you something right it'll never happen again you got it i no it's not that i got it don't even do
01:07:36
that right what i'm going to say to you is this i right i'm acting like a child about it
01:07:42
yeah about that situation right and i am going to grow i love the better i
01:07:48
love it and so what i'm going to say to everyone in this room is that listen up everyone everyone in this room all right you know thank you
01:07:55
for being involved in this project that we're doing right um let's take one foot in front of the
01:08:00
other and step into the future and the bright future i like it and i want to say that i really appreciate everyone's energy and positive energy
01:08:07
here right and i'm not going to let you right god bless you yeah your psychological mental attacks on me i
01:08:14
didn't do anything i understand that but you know how to [ __ ] you know my buttons right and i know yours and i'm not going to press them because i'm a good person
01:08:21
yeah you did and my point is is this okay thank you so much um gabby for being here thank you so
01:08:26
much um fancy fancy b for being here you're yawning it's fine
01:08:32
okay do be you all right right right you're rage eyes it's not going to
01:08:37
affect me let's move on you want to play a [ __ ] program let's do another program in the show let's go what do we got let's do it
01:08:44
let's play games here man i feel great okay okay all right okay so andres introduce what
01:08:51
you've got yeah introduce what we got so we because we love movies so much in this show
01:08:57
we selected a few super famous popular movies in the u.s uh for rudy to tell us what the plot is
01:09:03
about based on the poster and the title this is okay but before we go into that can i just mention something real quick though of course
01:09:10
because i i am the co 50 of this what i didn't say anything i know but i'm just for for some reason i have to
01:09:17
i mean did right now it basically i'm scorpion and you're sub-zero i'm raiden oh no you're not writing i'm
01:09:24
ready you're not reading at all how am i not raiden because raiden's a good guy i am raiden
01:09:29
no you're not you're definitely like cabal you're not jackson you're not black yes
01:09:35
i am i can be whatever i want all right you're sub all right i'll be sub zero you're chung li
01:09:40
oh that's right you're chung li for sure yeah yeah and i first of all i would be scorpion he's the only one that's close to my color of red
01:09:46
that's true no no i'm uh i'm uh yeah cause scorpion throws fire dude i'm i'm scorpion you're chung lee yeah and
01:09:52
you are um she's uh what's melanie what's her name milena yeah melina melena
01:10:00
anyway what oh it's about movies is what i want let's go back to the movie thing that we're gonna do i had a discussion with client all the
01:10:05
time because we you know we mentioned um three amigos like and i go i can't believe you haven't seen that to
01:10:11
to this one and the client goes well she was born in this time right but it's like i know who the
01:10:16
beatles are exactly i hate that argument because it's like when i was you know a kid right i saw citizen kane that was in the
01:10:23
50s right yeah i saw um i know what um frankenstein was in my right i mean i i go for i watch
01:10:29
the classics if it's good everyone will know it for the rest right so it's like you should have seen this movie already
01:10:35
yeah and you haven't seen this film no i haven't okay so based on the movie yeah the
01:10:41
poster tell us what's up what it's about
01:10:46
can you zoom in zoom in yeah what's a shawshank well that you're
01:10:52
gonna make it you gotta have to tell us tell us what it is it's about two guys yeah in the military
01:11:01
correct that's correct that's actually that's what i actually know how do you know that i don't know yeah what else and then
01:11:08
it's world war one yeah yeah and then
01:11:15
they yeah what do they do what's shawshank
01:11:23
that's a war that's the war okay okay okay so two guys in the military
01:11:30
and they the they are the ones that defeated the enemy and shawshank yeah yeah and they freed the
01:11:37
people who were imprisoned exactly that's actually right that's exactly right that's actually
01:11:42
right yeah and and the guy on the right is morgan free yeah you know that yeah the
01:11:48
guy on the right his name in the movie is it's a dead giveaway it's a nickname based after
01:11:53
what they used to call him when he was a kid they would look at his picture they would call him the sean deshawn deshawn
01:12:01
and the guy on the left his nickname or well his name in the movie is his nickname and he looks like nick nick nick and
01:12:09
deshawn deshawn during the shawshank war yep right they go in they liberate the town yeah
01:12:16
free the guys to the prison right look in the bottom what happened see what that right there is the moment that you
01:12:22
need what is that what is that titanic it's the titanic exactly so
01:12:27
this is crazy you're not going to believe this but that scene from the titanic was actually in this movie first they
01:12:33
did that scene in this movie yeah and then the titanic stole it so it's an homage to world war one he's actually on a boat
01:12:41
he's on the head of a boat because you know shawshank right the war the war is shaking is an island i don't
01:12:48
know if you know this right so he's on the boat it's close to where you grew up you know i i'm the king of the world he says that
01:12:54
i'm the king of this world nick right is his name nick said it yeah nick goes i'm the king of the world right
01:12:59
and right there does that look like rain it's not you know what it is blood it's bullets and blood bullets and
01:13:05
blood bullets and blood i'm the king of the rock crazy it's a crazy stuff it's kind of like scarface
01:13:11
when he was like you know he's getting she's never seen scarface really yeah holy [ __ ] okay okay have you seen
01:13:18
this movie this one of course is an american classic called the godfather yeah godfather of course
01:13:24
is about what is it about i've heard about it yes yeah yes is it about like
01:13:32
gangster yeah yeah there we go it is and that and he is mafia
01:13:39
bi mafia and what what's his uh name the actor's name
01:13:46
i mean that's next to impossible that's what he is you do know he's that actor you've seen him before he's european
01:13:51
um eastern european he looks like joaquin phoenix his name is joaquin
01:13:58
that's actually good his first name is joaquin but his last name is in phoenix his last name is
01:14:03
joaquin cher cherlin cherylinger
01:14:12
sherlock and he plays in the movie the father the father the
01:14:19
god the godfather very good now now who now at the bottom it says i'm gonna make
01:14:24
him an offer he can't refuse who did he make the offer to who did joaquin sherlinger make an offer to [Laughter]
01:14:32
the father the other father the other father because there's more than one father of course well you have the godfather right but
01:14:39
you know other clans of other fathers so there's another father and he goes you know i'm going to make you an offer of the
01:14:45
camera for you do you know what the offer was what's the offer the offer was from the godfather to the
01:14:51
father what was it to save the niece or he dies save the niece or he dies
01:14:58
exactly he did say i'm getting you better i i that in the movie he said i'm gonna make him
01:15:03
save the niece or he dies and that was one of the scenes that's very good very good you're actually two for two ah
01:15:09
another classic you know what clint eastwood is do you know who that man is no but is his son the one in suicide
01:15:17
squad i forgot he's also handsome jared leto
01:15:25
that's right yes what's your son's name what's his son's name that guy that guy that guy that's
01:15:30
exactly right that isn't that's clinton it's also clint eastwood yeah his name is clint eastwood
01:15:36
right eastwood jordan junior playing these with junior so let's go back to the goodbye the ugly
01:15:42
what is this movie about cowboys exactly but what does this mean the good
01:15:47
the bad and the ugly there's a good cowboy there's a bad and then there's an ugly cup
01:15:52
this is exactly that right exactly that's kind of like the show i really like this show okay next one uh this is
01:16:00
this is what a classic what a good one it was actually shot in another language you know what other language it was shot
01:16:05
in and then it was translated into english you can see by looking at that exactly exactly
01:16:11
and uh so the guy in the center what's his name um well there's there well there's the
01:16:17
names up there so robert robert de niro so the guy in the center's name is robert de niro yeah the
01:16:23
guy on the right joe yep joe i don't i can't see that
01:16:31
pepsi joe pepsi
01:16:42
yeah and it's called goodfellas and what is it about also yeah what are the relationships
01:16:48
between these three brothers they're exactly their brothers triplets
01:16:54
and um what is uh i know you know it's a mafia movie but what era what what's the
01:16:59
time give us a time frame time 19 85 right just about pretty much just
01:17:07
about okay pretty much 85.86 and um what city does it take place in
01:17:12
new york new york new york where else but new york and so so one one quick question the guy
01:17:18
on the far left ray lada him and joe pepsi had a falling out at some point
01:17:24
during the film because the middle guy rob bob de niro did what
01:17:30
what did he do to cause their falling out those two guys on the other side the middle guy killed that girl
01:17:37
but that girl is those are old men no there's no there's no girl on the
01:17:42
phone
01:17:54
and we know you would serve them yeah happily happily uh what a film you've never seen this
01:18:00
either jesus great movie so jack nicholson yep do you know who that is laker game
01:18:08
no you don't know who jack nicholson is courtside laker game crazy here i've heard about his name but i'm sure you've
01:18:13
seen him in some social reference right you can't name any other movie that jack nicholson was in
01:18:19
um so one flew over the the cuckoo's nest the cuckoo's nest the
01:18:26
coco's nest now what do you think this is about he's looking up there and the sky smiling
01:18:32
yeah i think it's similar to a dumb and dumber yep exactly that's a comedy it's a
01:18:37
comedy yeah right and he um what happens in this comedy what's that what's the setting
01:18:43
in this comedy like where does it take they're in prison they're in prison again again and then he finds
01:18:52
someone who is dumber pretty good yeah and they try to escape
01:18:59
and they're trying to escape the problems they do pranks they do pranks to pranks to escape fart gags yeah yeah
01:19:06
yeah home alone fart gags yeah a couple of bbs raining down from the sky i like it next movie that you're
01:19:12
honestly you're killing it she already saw it oh you did see sounds great how about this one wait go back to silence of the limbs what is it about
01:19:20
it's about she saw it huh we saw it together yeah yeah it's about a serial killer yeah
01:19:27
and wait wait i forgot no yeah it's a serial
01:19:34
serial killer and then this girl um investigates the guy
01:19:41
uh-huh is it this movie what i forgot the smoothie what do you
01:19:47
mean is it this movie the girl interrogates the serial killer
01:19:52
and then the guys caves i forgot already
01:20:02
okay you're not going to own the next one yeah yeah i mean if you forgot that
01:20:08
movie as powerful as that was something tells me you're not going to be able to just guess what casablanca is about you go
01:20:13
ahead do you know where casablanca is casablanca is it a casino yes in what
01:20:19
city what city las vegas las vegas vegas and if you go to las vegas now
01:20:25
right there's the beautiful casablanca hotel and casino and spa and spa yeah yeah and
01:20:32
um it's right there on the strip in the middle of everything right right mgm i think yeah and uh
01:20:39
who's in it bogert's in it yep who birdman
01:20:46
burger man ferdinand's burger man's in it birdman the rapper isn't it yeah henry
01:20:54
oh and real and real soccer player yep henry on rails zuckerberg
01:21:01
so in this in this movie just a quick little thing he's got a gun there you see that
01:21:06
is he protecting all those people behind him or is he out to get some of those people behind him i think he's protecting the woman but
01:21:12
not the other guys very very good very good because the guy in the top right is a
01:21:17
you can see him over his hat he's a he's jay with a j jew yep yes
01:21:25
there it is yes correct that's what the movie's about yep ah
01:21:31
jeremy's store i've never heard of this rear window yeah yeah you've never heard
01:21:36
of this okay it's it's a guy okay wait the direction all right who who directed it it says it
01:21:42
it says it alfred hitchcock have you heard of him
01:21:48
no he this is the only movie he did yeah he only did one movie and then he died in a car accident yeah
01:21:54
right so alfred hitchcock we don't know much about him almost nothing really really no one really knows much about
01:22:00
him he did one movie he got out of film school yeah i mean um he
01:22:05
so 15 directors turned this movie down right and alfred hitchcock this guy you
01:22:12
know skinny guy brand new brand new young guy right he directs this movie and that he does in a car
01:22:17
accident and what do you think happens in this movie it's pretty easy to tell because this poster is pretty is pretty they paint a good picture look
01:22:23
at the poster and what happens in this film the guy is stalking the girl yes exactly and what happens to her
01:22:30
look at that big thing on the right what happens to her where look at the big thing next to him
01:22:36
what is that tall thing a building yeah so what happens what happens to her she falls she falls
01:22:41
because look at the blue in that see that up there in the blue yeah right look at her blue dress
01:22:47
yeah he was a peeping tom he was spying on her her last line is i should have stood
01:22:53
so close to the rear window and then dead but maybe he pushed her ah
01:22:59
plot twist don't give it away don't give it away oh boy oh this is a good one
01:23:04
we've talked about it on this show an awful lot a lot of times this movie okay you've seen this have you seen this
01:23:10
no what's it called apocalypse now yes what happens what's the setting
01:23:17
they're in africa exactly what part of africa how'd you know from the poster yeah it kind of looks like it that's actually good if you name the country
01:23:24
we can move on what country does this take place in africa
01:23:29
nigeria that's the one exactly that's the one and good thing you did here we go look who's back
01:23:36
who's that actor look who's back look who's cuckoo
01:23:42
who's the guy who's the guy here's rudy i don't know no we tom before i know
01:23:50
i said have you heard of him before alfred hitchcock it's alfred hitchcock
01:23:55
it's albert hitchcock there he is there he is it's alfred hitchcock and that's the
01:24:01
shinnon yeah that's yeah and now what's this movie about the shining the shin yeah shining
01:24:09
it's not the shine no it's shining shining shining no there's two ends in shining
01:24:20
you can tell right away it's so easy look what's exposed on his mouth you see his teeth right what's it about
01:24:28
[ __ ]
01:24:35
if you go get a shining you're going to get your what's a shinning
01:24:40
do you try to make it up then what do you think it is look it's it this is one of those movie
01:24:46
posters where it's so obvious what it is yeah you just say it very simple
01:24:51
he either watches girls yeah in the bathroom yes yes
01:24:59
or yeah he eats metal the answer is b yeah yeah he eats the metal it's the
01:25:05
metal what's shinning yeah yeah you have to get to watch the movie watch the movie yeah yeah rudy that was incredible that's
01:25:11
incredible give him a round of applause that was amazing yeah
01:25:16
did you ever see gran torino i loved it now could that come out right now is that that would be a stop
01:25:22
asian hate movie that would get i think that oh yeah that would definitely but you know what get off my lawn you
01:25:28
asians did you say racial epidemic i brought my parents to that movie you did yeah and my dad got halfway to
01:25:34
the movie goes i don't feel comfortable yeah i'm being weird no i mean i didn't like it
01:25:40
gran torino's looking good loved it though uh denounces anti-asian slurs well they use it in the movie
01:25:45
yeah so when we talk about this stuff think about like this tarantino says the n word in pulp
01:25:51
fiction what do you do with this you're okay with it do they need to cut that out now because of what's going on
01:25:56
i i think that um but who says the n-word and oh yeah they do he does he does say it
01:26:03
yeah pretty good on the nose yeah he does say he said is there a sign on this outside of my outside of my driveway that says dead
01:26:09
n-word parking parking yeah yeah storage dead-end storage yes that's right yeah that's right have you seen you've seen this
01:26:15
movie right you did yeah but i forgot about already it was a long time ago bring up the
01:26:22
picture of the four cast members there please who are they who are these people
01:26:28
the actors names john travolta very good and then the girl i know she's
01:26:34
in kill bill yes another tarantino movie he got to the right is i think he was in a racing movie i
01:26:43
don't know yes that racing famous racing movie which movie fast furious there we go
01:26:53
[Laughter] [Music]
01:27:02
right there i honestly really does look like yeah did you fart no does that what
01:27:09
rudy i didn't fart so defensive yeah cause it smells in here did you fart for real i didn't
01:27:16
your eyes i didn't fight because i think you did did you fart be honest i promise because last night
01:27:22
we had a deep dip deep dish pizza and i can't eat it anymore why because you know the one with the
01:27:28
mozzarella cheese and then the ricotta is so good it's so good i know but i'm lactose intolerant
01:27:34
take a pill maybe take a lactaid but she was taking a shower and i go i'll just go to the bathroom downstairs she goes
01:27:40
nope i like it when you [ __ ] when i'm taking a shower what yeah and i go you do she
01:27:46
i do absolutely there and [ __ ] well she's in the shower she loves it no no no no no yeah yeah
01:27:51
yeah you guys are perfect for each other yeah so i'm [ __ ] and i'm eating and she's like oh that that was a
01:27:57
groovy one yeah just she likes that in the same room yeah it's crazy do you take showers together
01:28:03
we used to we have have you i today oh yeah we have we do it all the time
01:28:08
but do you pee when you get in the shower oh yeah do you pee in the shower see me too andres you pee in the shower
01:28:14
no we talk about it no we already talked about this show yep oh i didn't know what do you do gab do
01:28:19
you pee in the shower yeah of course everybody everyone normal
01:28:24
pees in the shower and i pee on her sometimes um thank you for being a bad friend
01:28:34
i wipe my ass from that back to front you wipe like that don't you ever get it
01:28:41
on your balls i think i said his dick's that's why his dick smells like poop why don't you just
01:28:46
get baby wipes no i i always for some reason i'm getting fat now i don't i've never
01:28:53
i didn't always do that but you this just started i know where you because i'm getting fat so it's like i can't get my little why don't you
01:28:59
lean up get up i can't you can't get up i can't get my hand to my [ __ ] we should get a rail
01:29:05
for you to hold on i can do this for some reason right closer my taint's very small small small tank
01:29:12
smaller so it's like yeah i can get my hand to my [ __ ] that way right
01:29:27
[Music]
01:29:35
yes
