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hey bad friends I have only two cities left on my tour before I film my special
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this weekend Boston massachusett it's Boston I love you so much you've always done me right I have four shows at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend bring your
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loves out for Valentine's Day then February 21 and 22 Minneapolis let's go
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baby I'm shooting my special for Hulu in Minneapolis Minnesota come see me go to Andrew san.com for those tickets Andrew
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Santino docomo hello it's me B on toast hello and who
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are you I'm squeaky the Pete squeaky the Pete boys and girls ladies and gentlemen you waited for it you wanted we're
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coming to London and Dublin we're coming dude tomorrow pre-sale for the artist
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starts tomorrow the code is bad friends we're going to be in London and Dublin July 18th and 19th 18th and 19th we'll
00:00:50
be there you got to come because we may not come for a while after that we may not come for a while after that London and Dublin we're coming to see you we're
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so excited artist pre-sale starts tomorrow the code is bad friends and then it's on to the public on uh Friday
00:01:01
February 14th get the artist pre-sale ticket so they don't jack up the prices everyone on the internet go get them get
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it Cod is bad friends you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white
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dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're
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bad friends oh oh it's so
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good it's so good to be free and an American
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amer am I love you did you see the protest
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this morning in San Diego that's what I love about America we can protest what
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was it about they were they were mad at ice oh yeah and oh dude and then tomorrow hey are you are you gonna not
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work tomorrow Carlos oh because y'all because of the protest against Dei no no
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tomorrow what they're doing Hispanics are going to do a no work day
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so what do you mean it's like every day for them exactly no but you better not be
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working tomorrow dude I have to be here at yeah he has to work tomorrow oh my God he's a Traer Trader no I'm
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working I'm legal I'm legal no yeah the people that are legal are also protesting for their people yeah don't
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you get it I asked about my maid in Houston and apparently she's fine she's illegal well that's good well
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I need is fine no Marina okay L's say listen uh I want to say something up front if I may that's wrong that's wrong
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and if one day we're going to have a Korean protest mm yeah yeah for what what what's the protest no more we're
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not going to make be and Bop day well what will we do without b b b you know what we else we're going to do we're
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going to dig dig back our kimchi up from the ground they so they don't ferment for one day dude wow yeah I don't like
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that yeah I know dude you want them to I like um also those girls at the karaoke
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they're not working no yeah dude those what are those glass girls what do they call them grass
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girls what do they call them I don't know but let me say this Donald Trump please don't get rid of Koreans like we
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we please Mexicans are fine get rid of them get rid of how about the ones that came over here illegally Koreans the
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Koreans yeah do Koreans come over here illegally no we follow the rules we're law viting I got to say
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something while the the woman who cleans the house sometimes your house I got scared cuz I thought what if she is she
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going to get gone and then I asked her and I said uh I said hey you know if uh
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you know if I got to blow the whistle should you know what what do I do yeah I
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did and she said I'm from New Mexico and I was like what really yeah
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she's from Albuquerque I have accent yeah it's so thick I had no idea no well then she's lying she's a lying bastard
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okay you me and I'll be here I'll show you how it went I'm you yeah good morning
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um hey uh Wanita her name's just say Maria oh sorry hey Maria oh hi M Andrew
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you know I'm very concerned about what's going on with the Trump thing and stuff yeah yeah so um anything I can do to
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help you know maybe more money pleas wait where are you from you're
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from Mexico right har oh you know Jon Jones
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of course I did I I do love her so much what would I do I said she could live at
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our house mine live with us last week yeah I gave her so I I Veno her the
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money you don't give her cash no venmo got to give him cash which what look what I did though cuz they got to pay taxes on that I gave her 200 cash on top
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of the money oo cuz I never thought I was going to see her again that's it I swear to God $200 well
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like it was like like like hey thanks for all the laughs because you know I make fun of
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her when she's you know what I mean I get it so I just want you know senorita here I don't I don't know her name but I
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you don't know her name yeah I do I don't want to say it though this woman is like the love of my I love her she's honestly like a m i trust M do you play
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games with yours all the time we play no not those kind of games she never comes
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and finds me yeah yeah she just goes to work I go Marco and they go po po
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[Applause] [Laughter] but um let me say this Trump come on do it leave the Koreans leave the Koreans
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alone also leave the Mexicans alone nah get them out of here because now check
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it out dude who's going to do those jobs no you're not straw oh yeah you look like you strawberry strawberry love
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strawberries yeah I'd eat so many what would I could I do you think I could pick cotton do you think I could no how many
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little swabs I don't know how it works do you go swab by swab it's swab by swab is it a puff what do you call it a a a
00:06:00
that's a good yeah how do you do do you use a Skye no do they do by a sky well
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is that a real word in stard Valley we use Sky oh Skye yeah to get wheat Oh you mean like a sickle is it called a sickle
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or a Skye sickle sickle okay what's a Skye then dude I hope to God that you
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read sickle as Skye I no I think there's a sky dude if I I'll kill myself I'm not going to say you're wrong I've been seeing sky for years dude because it's
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start is it Sky I know what a it's got a curve to it that's a sickle like a grim reaper that's sickle that's not a sickle
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it's a Skye that's a Skye no a sickle is a handheld a hammer in a sick sky is that
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dude with a hook sky right that's a Skye okay what's a sickle for what I'm right bastard you
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dumb Dum you're all dumb Dums dude slow down there all right for once I'm right it's almost the exact same thing yeah
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right a sickle a sky is just a longer handed exactly you don't use a sickle when you cut cotton you don't know it's
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a Sky Theater you [ __ ] head I do you don't yeah I get the ones far oh you
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know what I mean I pick the ones close and I get the ones far dude cotton is just by hand right it's just pick pick pick oh my God can I wear gloves I don't
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think so I think that's part of it I think I can you know what I I would use those gloves that they use in the
00:07:15
football games with the gigantic like finger ones number one yeah how do they pick cotton today I do want to know I
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actually don't know it's a got to be a big machine a big machine that Forks it up right today cotton is almost
00:07:28
exclusively picked by using large machines called cotton Pickers which sounds
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racist but dude you know little white boy get away from that cotton
00:07:41
picker but back in the day do you think in the 1800s you think you you would not be able to do it no way we would you and
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me we'd fold immediately you know but my back would hurt you would be sweating I would be singing
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swing swinger sweeter
00:08:01
tell Dude you be singing with me that's the movie we should make dude you got to do the Irish song You and I in the Irish
00:08:08
accent let me start yeah swinger sweeter
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Chariot dude we would get nothing done get and then you would smoke and light a field on fire on accident oh yeah we
00:08:23
would get fire oh well it's interesting they never got little people to do cotton paint CU it's so low to the ground you don't have to bend over oh
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that's good you send him out yeah go go go go yeah yeah yeah that'd be great it's crazy we could we would never last
00:08:35
if we weren't in this do you realize if we weren't living right now you and I would be [ __ ] that's you know you know when people say that and I I argue
00:08:40
against it what would we do in another time because I'm going to say something okay I'm the way I am is because of the
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environment that I'm in hear me out D no I you laugh at me you mock me dude but I'm going to tell
00:08:51
you something right now you know I just do what's necessary no yes I do what's I've always
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done what's necessary better mean minimum yeah but just survival right
00:09:03
yeah right so back then I would do the bare minimal but I would still be able to survive and eat and all that stuff so
00:09:09
I would work you think so cuz a lot of people went starve to death because they did did the bare minimum if you couldn't
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contribute you were gone you were dead bare minimum today you get away with anything you want okay yeah you know
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what I'm saying no no keep saying because because bare minimum today just you can get by but you have so many
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resources back then what would you do to get food you're not going to hunt yeah
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but I would have I would have developed a different skill set what do you think your skill set would have been that's my point I would be
00:09:39
omelets omelet station no no what I'm saying is I would probably make it came out wrong these days with a price of
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eggs no I would I would have figured something else out I would have also done like maybe prostitution so you'd
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hook yourself out I would do something that's going to be or you know I know what I would do Opium Den I would do something kind of borderline illegal
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right oh you know mean right this way Mr John you know what I mean and I would sit down right and I would Supply i'
00:10:04
have that supply chain going okay well that that's not the minimum that's good that's lot that's good work e think yeah it would say Mr
00:10:10
Le Mr yeah Mr re I just I see the [ __ ] font oh I see it now I see the
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lights right it's like Vegas yes Mr re right premium
00:10:21
opium right discount for white wait why I just get people in get them in get the
00:10:28
bodies in there will say no you know the other who's not allowed got it I get it
00:10:33
like who guess who might well no hats no loose fitting clothes I get people do yeah no what yeah no Timberland boots I
00:10:39
know you're yeah yeah no fuboo I'm going to have different things in there right
00:10:45
that's going to like make my your store shine what foot massages they got that I
00:10:51
know I know but I'll do other things like um Brazilian wax this is all going back red eyebrows you're selling your
00:10:57
body manicures yeah yeah I'll stick sit on your dick all right this is all you a hooker this is you this all is just a
00:11:04
front for you being a hooker no it's not no it's not yeah that's last case that's first Case Case close first of all have
00:11:11
you ever tried to have sex when you're on opium have you yeah it's impossible I
00:11:17
how this I've had I've tried to have sex on opio opioids yeah yeah it's hard even opioids it's hard you can't get hard
00:11:23
it's hard it's hard to get hard yeah it's hard to get hard so I would like if if some white Burly guy was like jacked
00:11:28
up on my premium opium like straight from like you know I mean the Opium opium right
00:11:35
from the Opium yeah right from the Opium straight from the tap right from it right and they're still able to go hey
00:11:40
man you know I mean get your butt over here you know what I mean I would be like oh [ __ ] this one I have to do it
00:11:45
got to do it yeah yeah have I saw a t Tik Tok video the other day there's people just posting how to make cocaine
00:11:51
on Tik Tok do you know this yeah I they put it behind different kinds of music but there was like guys that were it was
00:11:56
just like with music and he was just showing like the cocoa leaves in the barrel and all that stuff they're just
00:12:02
now cocoa leaves are different than cacao Cacao is chocolate chocolate right okay good I but they're cousins are they
00:12:09
really chocolate and Coca coca cocaine coca leaves and Coca chocolate I think are like cousin plants really I think so
00:12:18
cacao and Co Like Cocaine leaves yeah because Co it's and cacao leaves yeah
00:12:23
coca the plant yeah it's worldwide psychoactive alkaloid cocaine so if I let's first of all and
00:12:30
then chocolate plant is is the Coco plant right yeah but like before there was cocaine if you and I were living in
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that time and you you and I cow sorry yeah we were Wanderers right yeah we're
00:12:41
just Wanderer you and I noads noads when we saw that leaf we wouldn't know what to do with it well they started chewing
00:12:48
on it that's how they found out the powers of it they chewed on it and gave them energy yeah but then who was like oh this be great in a powder up my nose
00:12:54
like who came up with that who started cocaine Mexicans and how how why would
00:12:59
you think that you could do that like here's what we're saying right Albert nean isolated an active ingredient of Co
00:13:06
COC leaves which he named cocaine well that's like I found out you know how you know how microwaves were invented oh [ __ ] teach me there was a guy who had a
00:13:12
bar of chocolate in his pocket and he was working near a a uh a a radiator a
00:13:19
radioactive uh radiator or whatever and it melted like because he was standing next to it and he was like oh [ __ ] are
00:13:25
you being real right now like you made that up look it up how microwave watch the first microwave it was a guy he had a [ __ ] bar of chocolate in his pocket
00:13:32
and he it melted cuz he was too close to this radiator or whatever that's called I'm saying it wrong American engineer
00:13:37
Percy Spencer Spencer was working with a radar set when he noticed a candy bar in his pocket had melted he discovered the magnetron tube in the radar set was
00:13:44
emitting microwaves that generated heat melting the bar of chocolate in his pocket that's how [ __ ] dumb we are we find all this [ __ ] on acent accident so
00:13:51
all accident yeah in therapy this is so shameful I've never shared this before no you have to but
00:14:00
I did something in third grade about the microwave anyway can I I
00:14:07
was living in Minnesota and there was a girl that lived next to me and there was a rumor
00:14:12
that she put a rabbit in a microwave yeah and exploded a pet
00:14:19
rabbit yeah and I when I found the rumor right I was so mad I mean I never met a
00:14:25
rabbit but I was just I just remember as a kid going [ __ ] [ __ ] explore rabbits man can't do that yeah that's
00:14:31
[ __ ] [ __ ] man bad right so I I would every time she would walk by in class I would go rabbit
00:14:38
killer and she didn't do it well it was just a rumor right and one time she
00:14:44
cried in class you kept calling her rabbit rabbit killer yeah yeah yeah and then the teacher brought me on in front
00:14:51
of the class and sat me down in the chair in front of the whole class and goes you're short you know what I mean
00:14:57
you're little what how does that feel like he was belittling me in front of the class because I was make and I
00:15:03
started to cry yeah and it Tau taught me a really big lesson here's a lesson even
00:15:09
if it's a rumor you don't say [ __ ] dude keep it to yourself keep it to yourself also what also that
00:15:16
teacher what we got to get that guy we do where the [ __ ] is he belittling my
00:15:21
friend in front of people did that makes you mad that pisses me off I wouldn't put up with that [ __ ] really leave him
00:15:27
alone you would have said that in class I would have been so mad if somebody belittled my friend in class oh yeah
00:15:32
yeah I I think now you can do it I've SE Tik Tok videos where students talk back
00:15:37
the one kid is my favorite that's like instead of you you ought to be love that I love that yeah yeah instead of yeah
00:15:43
yeah what he's like well no no you make it up to me he like yeah you know you know you know Charles Charles you know I
00:15:50
just I you don't you don't pay attention in class right and you're you're not putting your essays in early you wonder
00:15:57
why kids are failing hold hold on hold on you wonder why let me get over again I'm not a good teacher you skip a few
00:16:02
classes you don't remember so Charles yeah you know I'm you know I'm tired of your attitude you
00:16:09
come to class late right you don't seem to like be interested in your book
00:16:15
work right and your essays are all over the place I mean what is going on PL pal
00:16:20
you know you don't really care about us as youth you don't invest in US you don't care about our issues and what we
00:16:26
care about all you want to do is get a paycheck and that's dis disappointing to me and maybe if you showed a little bit more love to the students and cared
00:16:32
about our world and what was important to us maybe just maybe we create a better environment and a better future
00:16:38
that's so good you don't even have to look that up that was good dude I would never be able to do that yeah you would
00:16:44
there's no way dude do yours I can't do it there's no way I can't even all right
00:16:50
try Kevin Kevin yeah you don't pay attention and your essays are late and I
00:16:56
want to know who you think you are screwing up my class not paying attention and goofing off yeah that's
00:17:02
what I'm talking about man your generation the algorithms of your superiority man us kids we just want to
00:17:08
learn by tactile approach by touching feeling right learning through our own physical experiences man there's other
00:17:14
ways that we can learn you know not just analytical well you're failing I exactly but if you taught me the right way with
00:17:20
love and empathy right I'd be able to absorb the information maybe that's very good but the beginning the algorithm
00:17:27
Part I that I didn't know what I was doing there I don't know how even know how to look that up but that kid was so powerful had such a great speech I could
00:17:34
have never snap back at a teacher we never did that yeah we never did that we got in dude we got in so much trouble
00:17:39
all the time you couldn't say [ __ ] back you couldn't go to the bathroom if you go to the bathroom you're [ __ ] I have
00:17:45
to go to the bathroom too bad well I'm going to go well you're going to I'm a student ready mhm you're a teacher mhm
00:17:51
Mr Stevenson yeah you know I don't know what bathroom to use because I don't feel comfortable in
00:17:58
the men bathroom even though I was born male right but there like you know I get stares when I go to the women's bathroom
00:18:04
we got to do something as a school stand up that's it stand up that's enough
00:18:12
stand up okay what take your pants off all right what that's
00:18:19
interesting and scene even the teacher doesn't know
00:18:25
yeah I don't know what that is yeah I wouldn't be a good teacher because not because I I don't I don't know knowledge
00:18:31
and I don't have any topic you got a lot of knowledge but yeah what what if I had to be
00:18:37
forced to be a teacher at a school with the things that I know what would it be
00:18:42
about well Star Wars you could do some sort of uh but I'm not that Star Wars no
00:18:48
but I'm saying you could do like Star Tre Star Trek film you could do film or television Theory you could do TV Theory
00:18:53
right production maybe maybe media media what is that media production you could do that you could do you could do an
00:19:00
entrepreneurial class a digital entrepreneur you think so how to start your own business on the Internet it's literally your whole life but you could
00:19:06
do more than me the [ __ ] I could I I don't know math I don't know science bowling oh B Sports yeah yeah yeah golf
00:19:13
yep I could do yeah like I know but still PE that you could be a coach I am a gym teacher a gym teacher I would be
00:19:19
gym teacher um I think you would know about hipop history of Hip Hop and music yeah but I don't think a white redheaded
00:19:25
guy can teach that I think that needs to change I do too yeah yeah yeah oh I could do probably um like more of punk
00:19:33
you know I mean art rock you know I mean the history his of punk or the history of alternative music maybe I could do
00:19:39
you could do alt music but by the way think about this now the generations below us how old is like Nirvana to them
00:19:45
now it's so crazy think about that it's classic music now we have a radio station here in La called K Earth 101
00:19:51
and when I first moved to LA it was the oldies which was the 50s 60s and' 7s now
00:19:57
it's the 70s ' 80s and 90 I can't believe it that's oldies the '90s the '90s is oldies 70s ' 80s and '90s so
00:20:05
creep is an oldie yes that's song Creep yes how about I'm a Loser by Beck oldie
00:20:11
that's not an oldie that's a Nee dude it's a goodie but it's an it's a good we oh w wow what's a what's a newie chapel
00:20:19
rone that's a newie [ __ ] Sabrina Carpenter that's a newie wow we're oldie buddy oh my God I
00:20:27
feel that with um Styles be newie he's newish newish newi isy yeah yeah because
00:20:34
there you got to think remember that kid that was at the show he was 16 years old you think of his world we're old we're
00:20:40
[ __ ] old dude then why does he like us cuz we're new we're new
00:20:45
she you know that song I don't know the lyrics but it's a hairy style
00:20:51
song I'm way on the Stars oh down this way and
00:20:59
yeah M what is the song
00:21:11
wait this yeah this is I can do in dudes I can do it in dudes I can't do it in
00:21:17
yeah yeah I can do anything in dudes you're a chter I'm a doter dude but that song one day if that song becomes a like
00:21:23
an oldie I hangy we be sh
00:21:29
oh my god without if you have an online business and you don't have Shopify you do you're not doing a good you're not
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one meal kit that would mean that I'm just too old we're well that like what
00:23:46
we like we're son like it's like our Sinatra you I mean we're going to get there that Harry Styles will one day be
00:23:54
like Sinatra he I mean he for that oh my God for that generation is he not Shalom
00:23:59
is kind of like not I was going to say Newman but Shalom is kind of like who's the best
00:24:06
comparatively old actor to Shalom he would be like Paul Newman's not too far off yeah
00:24:11
it's like a Robert Dao but but the Nero was very brand specific right Brando was more
00:24:19
broad Newman was more W more more more like him because he was very traditionally Stuart Jimmy was more
00:24:26
Jimmy had a lot of character-based stuff too like he was very kind of uh I don't know yeah it's
00:24:31
hard think about this God he's good though huh he's the best shom unbelievable that kid 200 years AG go
00:24:39
from now what is the music going to be like to us it's going to be like right don't you think you know it'll be
00:24:45
[Laughter]
00:24:50
like yeah yeah and people are just at the club dancing to that we're going to
00:24:56
be like what is this turn that [ __ ] music
00:25:02
down right and we're like what the [ __ ] and there's a singer going ding he's
00:25:08
going to ding he's going to yeah ding right and we're like what is this
00:25:13
but the kids are be like you're old you don't get it yeah you guys like lyrics right and like you know Melody
00:25:21
what's melody yeah loser oh my God and what are what is movies going to be like
00:25:26
[ __ ] it's going to be all around us we will V yeah we'll be living in a movie
00:25:32
imagine like you're in The Avengers cuz they're going to do another Avengers 100 years from now they have to keep making
00:25:37
they're going to remake it right but now you know what I mean I'm going to be the cab driver you know that Cal driver that
00:25:43
just dies yeah you know what I mean yeah cuz I was watching Avengers yesterday again for the 90th time I get bored you
00:25:50
got to and I look at all the extras right the lady goes ah you know what I mean with a briefcase down the street
00:25:55
you know what I mean and I go what is where is she going you know yeah where is she going but I also looked up the
00:26:01
Avengers that New York scene I go approximate how many people
00:26:07
died in that last scene 2600 people died there Jesus that scene 2600 people died
00:26:14
and no one gives a [ __ ] about those people they're gone
00:26:19
wow God yeah what is Cinema's going to be us I guess it's just going to be a live it'll be a thing that's happening
00:26:25
like live perform I think performance art will like morph into like will just become life will they be they'll be merg
00:26:30
into one you'll just be seeing live performance art like now I walked down the street the other day in New York and this these girls were doing like a
00:26:36
[ __ ] full ticktock coordinated dance their phone is on the window they have no they they're in the middle of the street they don't even care about the
00:26:42
world around them we'll just continue to be immersed in this where people are making their own V their own realities
00:26:48
through virtual reality yeah and they'll just live through that or maybe I could be Bob Dylan I don't think so yeah the
00:26:55
gullies are broken the silly is gone yeah yeah you know what I mean the mountains arise and The Fountains are
00:27:02
done keep going yeah the Clippers are winning and the Lakers are
00:27:07
done times they are a changing what do you think whoa pretty
00:27:13
good Dylan ask right you could do one the Mexicans are gone Trump wants
00:27:22
them out very good Koreans won't budge they'll scream and they'll Shout
00:27:30
oh and then Woody go was [Laughter]
00:27:36
like so that guy scoot who played Woody Guthrie came to the O cuz you know he's
00:27:43
he's dating my friend SOI so soy goes um we me and Scoot are coming and I got on
00:27:49
a table and they sat and five Comics all night long pointed to him and goes great
00:27:56
job in the movie he did do a great job like Mark Marin like a bunch of people and it was I just and I could see him
00:28:03
just like like take it in you know what I mean like he killed it in that movie imagine what that feels like but you
00:28:08
know like we we get audience reactions every night yeah so we know what that's like yeah but we never put out like a an
00:28:14
award-winning performance this is hm you think so I don't think we'll no I don't
00:28:20
think so I don't think so I yeah I don't think so you know what this is this this show should be called bare minimum that's
00:28:27
what this is yeah yeah two bears one minimum wow yeah you're right but it was
00:28:32
nice to see so um I shared with you what um what happened last Thursday for to me what um it was a disaster I like to
00:28:40
share it on group level if I may give it okay um I get a call from the little hobbit the punk rock Hobbit you know
00:28:47
what that is no the punk rock Hobbit just think about it he's a comic the punk rock
00:28:54
Hobbit yeah he started Josh Adam Myers started comedy later late in life Dean
00:29:01
Del re so he calls me hey hey Bobby you I'm doing this benefit show stepen Tyler
00:29:07
baby yeah right and I go I don't know I don't do well in benefit shows you're going to kill so I show up and Stephen
00:29:15
Tyler is um in the Green Room wow I take a photo with him super nice did he ask you or you ask him I think he goes hey
00:29:21
let's take a photo I'm serious yeah yeah I think that was the the the vibe I know he's a fan yeah and I sat there and I
00:29:26
was like this is cool then Josh Hol comes in from Queens of the Stone Age and let me say
00:29:33
something I'm one of his biggest fans I love you love Queens not only that I
00:29:38
love um Them Crooked vultures yeah with yeah and I um and I I met him and I was
00:29:44
just like oh are you ever going to put on another vultur album he's like I know we're all you know our schedules this and that and then um Adam ray goes up
00:29:52
and he's pretty good and I'm after him and so um I go up I opened my mouth and
00:29:59
and I I'm telling you guys right now and know I told you guys this yesterday right I haven't bombed like this in
00:30:07
years it was silent in the room and I my time cuz I want to kill right because
00:30:14
I'm like my heroes are in the crowd yeah right and about 2 minutes in in my
00:30:19
periphery cuz I know where Josh Hol is sitting I could just see him stand up and just walk out yeah he walked out of
00:30:26
the room what if he was going to make another album he you could have inspired him no no no
00:30:31
no no no no no my heart combusted into my [ __ ] chest plate well Josh please
00:30:38
reach out and then I go he might went to the B and you know what he's doing he's
00:30:43
talking to Adam R in the back oh boy that hurt it hurt and what toppled that over the worst the server comes to the
00:30:50
table the other night right after you tell that story the server goes sorry I don't know who you guys are yeah that's okay she goes do you know Adam Ray yeah
00:30:56
I remember you got [ __ ] I didn't get mad you were bummed I'm proud you were you were bummed too no I was I didn't give a
00:31:02
[ __ ] at all when your eyes crinkle dude you get that's jealousy yeah you did that you did to cleint Eastwood dude you
00:31:08
know what I was on I was like I don't want to talk anymore I want to eat food I'm starving yeah she wanted to talk
00:31:13
ComEd but you know and Adam's having a moment that's great right but it's just like it it broke my heart and you know
00:31:19
what I the same thing happened to me 18 years ago and I've never shared this cuz
00:31:25
it's so embarrassing give it so there was this time where Anthony keas was really hot on me he was like you hitting
00:31:31
on you no he loved my comedy oh I remember one time he I was playing in Vegas and he brought that's the reason
00:31:38
why I was in the dictator is because he he introduced me to Sasha wow so I was I
00:31:43
was playing the Playboy comedy um night at The Palms and Court McCowan comes up
00:31:49
to me and goes dude [ __ ] um an Kus is here with Sasha Baron Cohen and David Spade oh wow so they sat watched my set
00:31:56
and then they took me to dinner right and then um and then like he would invite me to shows Anthony and then I
00:32:04
was doing a show at the elid and he brought flee the whole band and they sat in front it was alternative
00:32:11
room okay okay I bombed so hard that night I never talked to him again he
00:32:18
never communicated with you again no wow I would I could see them blush and he was embarrassed you've never Bound in
00:32:25
front of your Heroes well you're my hero and every time I do bad in front of you it breaks my heart no you've never you
00:32:30
always kill it in front of your Heroes did you like that that's not even remotely true dude you're you know what you know that's you know that's not even
00:32:36
remotely true in fact in fact in fact in fact in front of like famous people no I don't have any good stories of like
00:32:41
famous people coming to see the only good story I had was when kathern rera came to see me where at The Improv wow
00:32:48
when I told you guys that St no we never heard that when I've never told that show I have told the story yeah I was
00:32:54
auditioning for a show he did a TV show for HBO I auditioned for the show yeah and then by way of somehow through a
00:33:02
manager or something she obviously so close with guest she came and saw me at
00:33:07
The Improv and somebody was like hey I think Katherine o''h is here to see you wow and I was like [ __ ] really I was so
00:33:14
bummed I was by the bar I was like [ __ ] this is not good cuz what like what the [ __ ] am I going to do right I go up I
00:33:21
have a fine set it was good it was of course you did well the Rhythm the Rhythm was nice the room was good and
00:33:26
then I go back like I nervously like walked by the room and then I go I go in um I go in the you know to The Green
00:33:33
Room yeah and I was like oh I should go say I want to go say hi maybe and then who the guy that was working at the
00:33:39
booth was like she left I was like [ __ ] dude and he was like no no no no she sat watched your whole show was laughing and
00:33:45
then as soon as you got done she got up and she went back home and I never heard about it ever again Christopher never I
00:33:51
never spoke to him about it I never heard anything about it wow kind of crazy that's cool it felt so s so rock
00:33:57
St I don't know if she was like if she like caught wind and they I don't even know how it happened that it was like I'm going to go watch that guy so I I
00:34:04
have you know that there's a movie idea that I my my my friend mcgrael and I came up with and there's a pretty big
00:34:11
male you know actor that wants that is curious about a role like a like a big
00:34:17
guy he's pretty I want to say who it is but he um he wants to see me sometime in
00:34:22
the next couple weeks perform but I I'm I'm afraid that I'm going to it's going to be another you know Josh home
00:34:28
situation no chance and Josh by the way reach out he's not mad no I know it's all in my head he was so nice to me by
00:34:34
the way and I'm a huge fan he's a such a great talent imagine if he emails Carlos in the booth at gmail.com and he's like
00:34:40
please tell Bobby that I do love him and I've hit the ball so many times too I mean I mean you almost always almost
00:34:46
every time I do you know what I mean sometimes we sometimes we foul tippet we're going to foul tippet yeah
00:34:53
sometimes you do who's here bring him in yeah bring him in bring in our
00:34:59
boy uh-oh look who it is oh my you cut your hair uh not recently well I took a
00:35:07
shower a second ago that's it that's it I think that's it I think you nailed I think you nailed
00:35:13
it that's it buddy yeah yeah hello welcome back to the show Dax flame everybody you look like you had a
00:35:19
spiritual experience like you look like a different person uh I exercised also
00:35:25
today and shower what did we do in the exercise what do we do uh I played basketball with a friend can we can we
00:35:32
can I see your three-point stance wow wow whoa one onone uh uh no
00:35:38
just shooting you guys were just shooting together mhm how long do you shoot for uh maybe 30 minutes to an hour and do
00:35:46
you break break a sweat or no yes you you wearing these clothes that you're wearing now or you wearing no uh I wore
00:35:51
shorts today and a oh you did wow I've never seen your legs before I yeah I
00:35:56
usually wear jeans beans or pants are your legs nice uh let's see you can see them if
00:36:02
you want yeah I'd like to see well I'd like to see one whoa W those are pretty good legs actually thank you they're
00:36:08
World War II legs those are that's like nor you know I mean like just a traditional white
00:36:14
that's Nory those are Normy yeah Normandy legs dude traditional white have you ever stormed a beach no do you
00:36:19
go to the beach uh yeah but I never swim yeah you shouldn't yeah you shouldn't you don't know what's out there you know
00:36:24
who you're you know what guy you are on Normandy who the guy that kind of catches on fire but then you run into the ocean is
00:36:32
that this the is Saving Private Ryan is that where that starts yeah okay but then you run to the ocean you're only
00:36:37
half burn but then you pretend you're dead in the water okay then the war passes and then you and then you're back
00:36:43
would you play dead in war do you think in a movie or in in real war no real war it's coming if I didn't think I had a
00:36:49
chance anymore you just play dead play posum yeah unless there is like someone I could potentially
00:36:55
help let's let's play it out right we're in one of those I don't know what you call it but you know in the beginning of
00:37:00
Saving Private Ryan they're in that boat those boat youat well no you boats are the submarines right yeah but it's one
00:37:06
of those boats where like you and they're always like either vomiting right and they're just super scared yeah
00:37:12
and bullets whizzing by right and they're hoing and there's always one guy with a cross and he's kisses it right right
00:37:19
there's always one guy like that and there's another guy going Mama you know what I mean there's a mama guy always
00:37:25
and there's one guy going yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the Rogan killer Jo Rogan
00:37:30
yeah overcompensating right jacked up on alpab right so then the thing closes goes
00:37:36
down and then you see two or three guys in the front just go down right away right what do you do what do you do so I
00:37:44
see two people just diated yeah well you're like fourth row you know what I mean yeah yeah you know mean Frankie
00:37:50
Castro dies in front of you right Devon Sanchez dies in front of youco Jackson
00:37:56
Jackson dies in front of you yeah maros swano maros swano but dies in front of you and then what do you do stay in the boat stay in the boat you
00:38:05
don't move forward to the peach I mean is every single person is getting killed they are no but you're you're [ __ ]
00:38:11
cap what do you call it captain or you're Sergeant you're a sergeant yeah Sergeant's going come on
00:38:17
flame move forward flame get going flame and you just G to sit there people are D you just sit
00:38:25
there flame yeah I would I'd probably just point out that every single person has died as they left so oh all right
00:38:30
this is pretty logical pretty logical it does make sense yeah uh you know what you probably go overboard on the other side into the water they would throw me
00:38:37
over you're say I that cuz if you were in front of me and you weren't moving right I would throw you over so I can
00:38:43
get forward but then you would get killed right I don't know yet it's the odds are bad but it's like I have to go forward I would use you as a human
00:38:49
shield yeah me too I think I would grab you and I would just have my flame Shield yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and
00:38:55
you're just getting let me see what that looks like
00:39:00
yeah you know what I would do too when when he's
00:39:06
down when he's down you know what I would do yeah I would steal something you know what I would steal from him his morphine packet oh yeah Morphine
00:39:13
Morphine packet packet and you would You' feel every pain yeah you would of your death I wouldn't inject you with
00:39:19
the morphine because you were a coward that would probably yeah that would make more sense than just people going forward using someone as a shield if
00:39:29
yeah yeah pretty heavily dude that was a brutal sing what's been going on with you Dax um what's been happening in your
00:39:36
life somebody told me that you're seeing somebody now I heard a rumor that you're dating somebody famous do you know this oh that's not accurate who he's got a
00:39:42
famous girlfriend he's been sh about I'm jealous tell me tell him Emma
00:39:47
Watson he's dating Emma Watson he has been he's been seing Paparazzi have caught them out in public you're really
00:39:54
dating Emma Watson mhm why are you her she she asked me to um keep it private
00:40:02
but I don't like to keep anything I mean we can cut it out are you being real right now yeah he is do you want us to
00:40:07
cut it out yeah we should cut it out is there a photo there was a Paparazzi photo I don't know no with I want to see
00:40:13
Dax and Emma together I kind of believe it no they are really real quick is that
00:40:19
him yeah blue I'm sorry but without blue maybe I'm not good right because I've
00:40:26
been using it you know I mean because I'm an older male MH and uh sometimes I have you know e it's hard to get the owl
00:40:32
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00:40:58
using this for a long time now and I'm not I'm I'm not kidding the effectiveness is crazy this guy it's
00:41:03
hard as a rock last forever that's why he's late to the show all the time why not get bricked up like Bobby Lee M you
00:41:11
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00:41:31
podcast Zach and you know what if without Zach do my skin wouldn't be good because I got what's on matter I have I
00:41:38
have a sore throat oh my you got to go to Z I have to get a doctor yeah this is the best way to get one got is I'm like
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00:42:39
badf friends Zach do.com isn't that crazy that's crazy
00:42:46
dude so you so how did you guys meet how did you meet Emma Watson I went to a Harry Potter thing like a Meetup or a
00:42:53
convention or what was it or a book signing oh okay right on oh a book signing who was signing the books Emma
00:43:01
oh Emma Watson was did you just run game on her mhm so I'm Emma Watson hello
00:43:07
welcome you want me to sign your book hello I I'm her publicist Ramon hello
00:43:13
it's my publist fromone would you like me to sign a book uh yeah wonderful what's your name Dax Dax you're cute
00:43:19
thank you so are you thank you I don't know why you're signing that that's Eyes Wide Shut the script oh wow yeah yeah
00:43:25
this is this a script for American psycho listen are you a big fan yes you want a
00:43:32
photo yes all right anything else all right hurry hurry up um what how's your
00:43:38
day going I mean not bad at all really it's better that you're here oh thank you
00:43:44
what kind of things do you like to do uh I mean count money um these things are
00:43:51
probably the worst go shopping eating food crab c crab crab crab love cra cra
00:43:59
I like I'm big I'm a biges I love oata that's very good yeah yeah
00:44:07
so salsa verde Love Salsa verie if she's eating Mexican food she loves Sals
00:44:13
what's your favorite place to get it Mexican food maybe like Del Taco Pito
00:44:20
Mass okay uh we should go there sometime you asking me out on the DAT M really
00:44:27
wow wow you got quite the confidence little man thank you you're absolutely
00:44:32
incredible dude are you cut or uncut uh have you got a sleeve or is it
00:44:38
a musroom um it's uh I'm circumcised yeah really
00:44:44
how big is it limp uh noral excuse me for a second Emma there's a long line yeah they can wait I know it's like you
00:44:51
know we we had a heart out in quite horny so they can I know but how how big is it limb um I'm uncomfortable with
00:44:57
your publicist hearing oh close your ears okay how big is it average normal
00:45:04
great uncover okay I heard it still but um said average Tom hard is in line
00:45:09
really yeah he's going to ask you out well give me your number and take me out on a date okay I can't wait to see where
00:45:16
you going to take her uh Pito M get more creative get more creative
00:45:24
uh hi ho that the place hi H it's owned by after the date what
00:45:30
would you want what do you want to do to me um uh maybe I'm Yours Dex oh uh what
00:45:38
would you do to me in the Villa we have a villa I guess uh make out make out mhm
00:45:47
then maybe see whatever you're comfortable with uh I'm comfortable with all of it tell me what you like you want
00:45:53
me to spit on you kick you pull your air um I think uh maybe just play it by ear
00:46:01
you want me to play with your ears sure wonderful grab grab his ears
00:46:08
[ __ ] in his mouth dude I see how you got her really good well let me tell you something
00:46:14
we've had a lot of submissions to break up your relationship you know this we've had women who have submitted to date you do you know this okay put on your
00:46:20
headphones so you can hear this You' like right there let's be honest okay if you if if you really want to go on a dat
00:46:27
and if you you really are dating Emma Watson so some of these women need to get in line people people need to know so this woman will be second let's
00:46:35
see hi Dex my name is Katie I'm 34 years old um I am a single mom I have a
00:46:44
four-year-old son that lives with me full-time I work in Orange County I work
00:46:51
at a veter hospital I'm a practice manager um so I'm
00:46:57
around animals all day pretty much um I do like to go to comedy shows I was at
00:47:04
The Comedy Store a few weeks ago when you opened for Bobby and Andrew and that
00:47:10
was awesome um you were super funny mhm and I like going to hockey games I'm a
00:47:16
huge hockey fan um I like good food um I don't really know what else to
00:47:23
say but yeah hopefully I get to talk to you soon she's a babe she's a babe she
00:47:30
works with animals babe hockey babe she's very pretty yeah we did not pay
00:47:35
her to say it oh okay yeah yeah in case you have doubts honestly honestly how do you feel let's be real good you do how
00:47:43
about her yeah is this someone that might be your type uh yeah right on do
00:47:48
you like hockey at all no could you pretend it like it uh yeah all right
00:47:53
check it out we're at the hockey game they we're at the Anaheim Ducks game and they're playing the Edmonton Oilers look at them out there H which one do you
00:47:58
like the most that guy who you rooting for oh the Oilers or the
00:48:04
no [ __ ] dude we got to get that part right yeah yeah the Ducks Anaheim Ducks du Ducks she Liv in Orange County yeah
00:48:11
oh which which uh what position do you like the most on the ice who do you like goalie you love the goalie nice dude you
00:48:17
like to protect yes yeah you seem like a protector yeah right on man and she has a four-year-old son you going to be
00:48:23
comfortable with another another young man around a child yeah oh now a puck comes toward you what do you do up who
00:48:29
you grabbed it no you grab it with your mouth like a seal dude you got and then
00:48:35
go like that well no he grabbed it what if he puts in his mouth afterward oh that's true wow did you catch the puck
00:48:41
do it again whoa whoa
00:48:47
wow and then okay so um great you going to take her on a date uh in real life or
00:48:53
in h in real life oh um yeah okay before you do her four-year-old son is right
00:48:58
here this is Milo hi and you have to tell Milo that you're going to take his M on on a day because he's a little uncomfortable it it it he's got he's got
00:49:06
a tip it it it's cool to meet you nice to meet you how was how are you I I I I I I I I
00:49:17
I good do you go to school yep yep yep
00:49:25
yep uh you're ah you uh you seem really cool you cool do you like
00:49:32
hockey yeah yeah Gretzky oh yeah Wayne Gretzky no
00:49:39
John John Wayne Gretzky John Wayne Gretzky John Wayne my favorite seral
00:49:45
killer so I don't know if you're willing to leave Emma Watson but bad friends will pay for you to take a girl on a
00:49:50
beautiful date if you'd like to take any of these women on a date we will pay for the date and I'm talking start to finish
00:49:56
okay get you a car service we'll get you a nice dinner we'll pick up the bill we you know movie whatever you want to do
00:50:02
afterwards you I'll be there we Bobby will have to chaperon the chaperon would y'all both be there would you like us
00:50:08
both to be there um uh so it would either be just just you or just the two
00:50:13
of you no I'm I'm probably not going to be
00:50:19
there wait wait I'm sorry be honest with me dude let's get this out on the open
00:50:24
dude why are you uncomfortable is just me being there well I think if there's just one other person on a like a date
00:50:32
if it it might feel well I don't I actually don't I don't know yeah you don't know true exactly would you like
00:50:38
me and Bobby to go on a double date with you and one of these girls oh like you would bring people I bring my own date
00:50:43
you bring a date bring your wife you and I date each other oh yeah yeah we'll bring yeah us two together we're on a date uh that could be distracting yeah
00:50:52
but it might make things less how about this we'll pay for for a date with you and one of these nice young ladies if
00:50:58
you feel like or many if you'd like and and you just report back and tell us how it went do you want us to be there I
00:51:03
don't think we'd want to be there okay do you want us to be there uh be honest
00:51:08
I I don't I don't know I have to I have I have to think yeah think about it but
00:51:14
okay if you were to do you have a car yet yes good that's good thank you congratulations you got a new car no
00:51:21
it's not new but I mean you got a car yeah did you not have a car before yeah no I did oh you did you always had a car
00:51:27
I know why I thought he didn't a Subaru oh oh that's a good car thank you yeah
00:51:32
would you drive to Orange County to take our on date M okay I will say there's a couple hockey games coming up maybe we
00:51:38
can get you to one of those hockey games with that girl if you're interested do you hook up on the first date or no um
00:51:43
generally or no I if I felt comfortable with someone and I there was a good yeah
00:51:49
then I then I would be comfortable
00:51:55
too how believe that I believe
00:52:02
that if you had an unlimited budget to take a girl on on a date to to a restaurant or whatever where are you
00:52:07
taking her we're paying bad friends are paying don't worry about it no like how about this a weekend a getaway right you we will'll
00:52:15
pay for everything you just tell us what sky's the limit yeah where do you want to where do you want to go we're travel
00:52:22
agents yeah and you know Tokyo to Little Tokyo yes Little Tokyo
00:52:29
in downtown LA right that's what you meant or or Tokyo Japan uh Tokyo Japan okay to okay Tokyo Japan that's great so
00:52:37
um did you write that down Tokyo I did I heard it it's a little expensive it is but we're going to do it um yes so um
00:52:43
and First Class M ah for both of you uhhuh first class both of them wow
00:52:49
interesting yeah that'll be cheap yeah what hotel like we're already $110,000 yeah we're deep this is bad Park haatt
00:52:55
what hotel yeah Park okay he knows how much how much is the park aost translation Yeah couple thousand a night
00:53:00
couple thousand yeah how many nights is it I think how long you going stay there a couple weeks okay 14 14 times what two
00:53:08
and a half thousand yeah yeah so we're talking about 30 grand along with the flights 40 we're about 50 Grand we're
00:53:14
sinking right now yeah yeah 50 Grand and then um Euro Dreams of Sushi you want to go see Euro and the subway yeah Subway
00:53:20
okay that's another grand two grand five five grand from EO all right can we go l
00:53:26
like you know like dumplings and stuff after that or now for a couple days okay oh he's got demands and so then what are
00:53:34
some of the activities you would like to do should probably just walk around and
00:53:39
look stuff okay that'll be cheap that's cheap thank God yeah this guy's gonna buy a bullet train or something yeah
00:53:45
have you been to Japan before yes and you loved it I got the flu so that's why
00:53:51
I want to go back and then not get sick wait you got the flew on your way
00:53:57
there once you got there on day two oh my God what was that like depressing how
00:54:03
did you get how did you get it do you think you got it from traveling yeah probably from just from traveling was it a bug or the physical like you were I I
00:54:09
they told me it was the flu cuz then I went and like went to the doctor to see if I needed any medicine and they said
00:54:14
it was the flu it wasn't Co it was before Co after wow wow wow that's
00:54:21
incredible and how long are you there with the flu uh one week so one day healthy and then six days is sick and
00:54:27
then I went back so you were in bed for six days well yeah I mean the second day I was kind of like just kind of like
00:54:33
walking around but feeling bad and I was like I'm just going to relax at my hotel and then I just started to feel really
00:54:38
bad wow so you spent six days in a hotel basically yes who' you go with just
00:54:45
solo Dax you're by yourself sick in Japan sick in Japan by yourself that's
00:54:52
the saddest did you ever write a song about this no you should okay sick in Japan sing it now sick in Japan let's
00:54:58
hear it here it is ladies and gentlemen the debut of sick in Japan by Dax flame I was
00:55:04
excited bought my ticket let's take this trip wow it's awesome going around but
00:55:12
there's something else going around it's the flu and I miss you wow wow sick
00:55:19
Japan sick in Japan pretty sick so yeah did you fly
00:55:25
first class no why' you ask first class for this trip yeah what's going on you said unlimited budget that is true
00:55:31
that's my bad I got to be honest with you I kind of want to send this you him to Japan I know like I really now we feel bad I want you to go uh I'll go
00:55:41
okay should we pay for him to go to Japan I think that's a [ __ ] rad move would you would you love that uh I
00:55:48
would love that but no pressure but how about this here's the here's the twist you've got to go to LAX right now uh
00:55:55
twist would be you have to leave from the podcast and go to you have to go literally now um You might not even be
00:56:00
able to go home yeah we'll buy you a kimono okay right one of those you know
00:56:07
I mean Chopstick hair things you got to put those what do you think Dax would you go to Japan right now if we bought
00:56:13
you a ticket there's two flights tonight I do need my laptop why you want to watch Netflix
00:56:20
what are you doing so I can edit yeah he wants to be able to edit and shoot I'll edit your [ __ ] yeah cuz I have videos
00:56:26
that I have to post still I could make new ones or we could maybe bring a friend of yours to shoot he's going to
00:56:32
work out there right no he's got to go alone cuz he wants to relive that solo experience in Japan that's the beauty of Japan am I right uh yeah who shoots with
00:56:40
you normally uh my friend yeah I met him yeah we met him we met met like that guy
00:56:45
I think we should send him to [ __ ] Japan dude like Singapore no is that more SM what's cheaper what's cheaper
00:56:53
Mongolia or something yeah I mean I don't that's would would you like to go to Mongolia uh I don't know anything
00:56:58
about it go it's great there's a gask Khan Museum that'd be cool yeah yeah and you
00:57:05
like Mongolian beef yes they got a lot of that they got that there it is right
00:57:11
I I got to tell you and the eagle look at the Eagle do you like Mongolian Eagles baby that looks pretty cool like
00:57:17
I'd like to see that dude look at how much you you're going to you're going to get sick out there no way you get
00:57:23
healthier if anything yeah I manag us on a donkey with an eagle on her arm dude you and I us three going there now I'm
00:57:30
watching that's you and me and that's you and me and Bobby that's Bobby with the eagle imag imagine that life the fresh air it does look like
00:57:38
really really refreshing and interesting I really want to send him to Japan okay Japan I really mean it I'm
00:57:45
not even [ __ ] kidding for the show I really want to send him to Japan well let's just [ __ ] do it man okay fine
00:57:51
we going to send you to Japan look at that though huh cool
00:57:57
have you ever seen a skeleton cow what is that next to that lady
00:58:02
that's insane looking Mongolia dude what is that cow that's a
00:58:07
cow wow what time an OIC what time is it right now what time is it 8 it's 8 8:01
00:58:15
what is there a midnight flight would you really go tonight if we booked you a flight well I would have to get my passport yeah we'd send you home and
00:58:21
then of course okay there's an 11:20 I am supposed to go to New York on Friday
00:58:27
why cuz someone wanted me to come make videos for them would you rather go to
00:58:32
Japan Um this can I do both you want us to well just we'll fly you round trip from
00:58:39
LA to Japan and back so you leave tonight at midnight 11:20 p.m. you lose two days you know that right let's see
00:58:47
we get him back when you come back yeah is it really that long well he has to
00:58:52
stop there's only a stop at night there's no direct at night huh 22 hours
00:58:57
you willing to stop stop is 10 hours yeah yeah cuz you want to go to Japan
00:59:03
can we stop him in Mongolia at least there's got to be a cheaper
00:59:11
way how much is it 940 you have a 5 hour stop in he wants first class though dude
00:59:18
I mean first how much is first class first class is so expensive just to see what it is how much is first class $20,000
00:59:24
$220,000 that's how much cost to go to [ __ ] the both ways or just one way that's got to be both ways it's got to
00:59:29
be both ways round trip we hope so and what's business that's
00:59:36
insane 20 grand yeah we do business right we do business when we travel we better be doing business yeah yeah yeah
00:59:41
we don't do first holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] imagine that imagine how many little Japanese
00:59:47
guys can do that they just do that all the time like little Japanese businessmen they fly that all the time to be little huh some are bigger which
00:59:53
ones that's true yeah yeah there's big business 5,000 let me say this and I'm
00:59:58
not kidding I'm not making a joke when you get back from New York you call the boys and we are immediately going to
01:00:04
book you a flight to Japan wow okay I'll I'll do it if you still want to then no I want to now so we will do it the boys
01:00:10
know we will book you a flight to I want to go though you want to go with him no
01:00:17
okay but don't you want to go let's all go well we're going to Korea aren't we we're going to Korea that's what you say
01:00:23
but I don't know man do you not want to go I do want to go but is that real yeah it's literally I have to go so I know
01:00:29
you have to go so you but who's going to fly me there they will but they're going to give me a business of course okay
01:00:35
okay I'm AC like a baby yeah I'd like to go of course you're going to go I'll go Dax Dax will you go to Korea with us
01:00:43
yeah dude how funny if he got sick again in Japan oh I'm going to get him sick the second time yeah yeah we can blend
01:00:48
that one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life we get him sick on purpose to the second trip to Japan do you speak Japanese no try
01:00:57
good done you're done dude I thought it was a Japanese say it again oh
01:01:03
go when they walk into the restaurant yeah yeah I get that it's funny you're scared of doing the accent I
01:01:09
know uh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you are scared of it I I don't
01:01:16
know yeah I don't know how how that would sound yeah yeah yeah you've never did it at home like come on Dax you know
01:01:22
you've done different accents at home not on camera because you know you're afraid to get cancelled to to do the
01:01:27
Japanese accent while speaking Japanese yeah at home in your privacy you do it
01:01:34
um maybe yeah I mean you've done you've done like Urban guys at home you know
01:01:39
what I mean maybe I can't remember specific yeah yeah yeah you how about rednecks
01:01:45
have you done can you do a redneck you know I mean impression you could CU it's white go ahead hey
01:01:50
y'all hey hey do you do you like do do you like
01:01:56
uh trailers I do do yeah we do you you have one for sale yeah how much yeah
01:02:03
well tell us about it I don't want to just buy it I yeah you're right how much you got what what that's not how it works
01:02:10
explain to me what kind of trailer what's what what are the convenient things about it and the utilities and
01:02:15
just like a trailer hitch and that's we we always we always wanted to yeah hitch
01:02:22
what else uh little um bed to a bed we love little beds
01:02:30
little bed to bed yeah little bed to bed little bed to bed you have a medium bed to bed yep okay we'll get a medium bed
01:02:36
bed yeah and what else TV oh oh what kind though color color TV yeah what
01:02:42
flat screen oh that's nice how big 36 in TV wow that's not big at all not big at
01:02:48
all but okay 48 in to that's still pretty small but that's fine what else is there is there um a bathroom y okay
01:02:55
how many one two one be losing your accent sir where are you from yeah yeah
01:03:02
where you really from sirex you're from Texas yeah yeah what part Dallas really
01:03:08
where oh my cousins my cousins live in Dallas they just moved there which which area north of Dallas like Frisco we love
01:03:15
north of don't we love north of Dallas we love north of Dallas yeah we love it there nice piano bars so are you going
01:03:21
to sell us this trailer yep what are you asking for it
01:03:26
$1,000 no wow that's like a flight to
01:03:34
Japan oh my God he keep's having a nervous break that's what so weird seems like is that what you're doing you
01:03:40
selling everything because you're moving to Japan yeah wa did something happen yeah I got sick last time I was
01:03:47
[Laughter] there we should bring him
01:03:53
to yeah I know don't say it yeah don't say it out loud yeah yeah we got some plans for you
01:04:00
bud I you like us as F we feel like family to you yeah you can I ask you a
01:04:05
question uh who me specifically or okay go ahead my friend said she met you and she said that I'm friends with Dax and
01:04:12
you said he oh wait wait stop stop stop stop stop wait wait stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop
01:04:23
don't hold on stop I know what you're going to say and I know is a true story it is your friend's lying okay no
01:04:30
yeah yeah and it did it in a funny way and you know you know how funny I am right right I do things in a comedic way
01:04:35
right do I not you do right everything I say is like with a with the hint of like
01:04:41
comedy right say what she said no let him say it what did she say she said
01:04:46
Bobby said that guy smells weird did you say Dak smells weird one
01:04:52
of our brothers yeah smells weird I didn't ask about the body
01:05:00
language how do you feel about that bud do you think D smells weird is that how you perceive him dude he's our friend
01:05:07
let's can we work out the conversation here okay yeah oh I'm friends with d yeah he smells weird what do you talk
01:05:13
what do you mean I was kidding that's not funny I know maybe it wasn't my bad he doesn't feel smell weird that's why I
01:05:19
could say it but that's really mean I think yeah can you call him and tell him you your friend right she has another
01:05:24
thing coming now okay she right and um I said it in a comedic way but when you started talking
01:05:31
I knew exactly what we were talking about because when I said it and this is what a great friend she is she was so
01:05:38
mad on your behalf she was pissed oh my God yeah will you call her she's like what she goes what the [ __ ] do you mean
01:05:45
great and I go I'm just kidding will you call her right now yeah I were you shower today
01:05:52
before can I text her and ask her if it's okay text her yeah yeah text her
01:05:57
of cuz I want cuz Bobby's willing to apologize because let me say something about my best friend Bobby Lee he will
01:06:03
he will make up for his mistakes always am I right God am I right I hate being
01:06:11
embarrassed you make good you always make good you always have he's done everyone right also can I just say
01:06:16
another thing I I'm I'm proud of you Dax because it's something it's not it's something that you wouldn't say right
01:06:21
right I I feel like you're like I want to right you would hold things within
01:06:26
yourself cuz you're kind of shy and you were very confrontational there oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I didn't want to make you
01:06:33
uncomfortable by confronting you I asked her if I told her okay I said can I call you I want to ask you about the smell
01:06:39
thing on bad friends and what she say nothing he hasn't replied I turned it off of silent mode so that okay I can't
01:06:46
believe that I believe every second of it no I cannot believe it I honestly do
01:06:51
I didn't say it in like to be like offensive it was just like a funny thing we know it was a joke I know but it's
01:06:57
like but she she was being a good friend to you what did she say she said no he
01:07:04
doesn't what the [ __ ] do you mean by that I was like oh I was just just kidding just kidding yeah and she was
01:07:09
like no it sounded real and I'm like how did you meet this person at the
01:07:15
store I don't remember I I know that she was I think she at the Improv at The
01:07:20
Improv is what happened yeah she performed oh she's a comic yeah she's a comic oh I know to Comedy she's new to
01:07:26
Comedy well new to stand up standup comedy and so um now when she said it to
01:07:31
you was she saying it like be careful of that guy he's an [ __ ] no okay what
01:07:36
did how did she say it she just told me that
01:07:42
story oh my God I'm embarrassed was this the girl with it that we talked about the other night no some complete i'
01:07:48
never seen her before she seemed super nice you know I mean she was a little nervous about comedy because she even
01:07:53
said that I think she's like I'm not I'm new to this right I you'll be fine or something you know I mean and then she
01:07:59
goes I'm friends with Dax and I go oh yeah he smells weird and she goes what the [ __ ] no the same girl I would not
01:08:04
say that again one and done so DX can I say something you I I
01:08:12
apologize I accept no I don't no really listen Okay well I don't have a sense of smell
01:08:18
so I I it's something I'm I take showers whenever I'm going to be around people
01:08:24
and cuz I can't tell anymore since I lost my sense to smell a couple years ago from Co so you can't smell at all
01:08:31
yeah seriously yeah nothing nothing oh my God now do you feel
01:08:38
bad yeah I'm GNA tell you something right now you told me that's not true you don't smell bad you don't okay I've
01:08:45
never you've never smelled bad I've never even smelled you when would I had the opportunity to well he's here you don't hug that that's what I said I said
01:08:52
um I'm usually sitting like seven yeah and when we when you we never we're never we don't cross paths you know what
01:08:58
so I want to say something okay I said it as a joke to I no I was listen I want to say
01:09:05
something to you okay I honestly I love you so much yeah and I'm it's a blessing
01:09:12
that you get to do our show I mean that we have you on our show came out weird yeah I do feel no no no that's not what
01:09:17
I meant what I'm saying it's a blessing that you do our show we think you're an asset you make our show so much more
01:09:24
interesting and fun I agree you I mean you're so important to us I would never do anything to burn this bridge I really
01:09:31
think that you're you're a sweet guy you're a funny guy I think you're brave
01:09:36
when you did that show with us at The Comedy Store in the main room in the main room you know how difficult that was and you crushed it you know what I
01:09:43
mean I only see you as an ally and a and and a brother thank and I said it I was
01:09:48
trying to act cool because she was a she was hot your friend her her his friend is beautiful right so I'm sorry thank
01:09:55
you but you know what Bobby occasionally will use comedy to deflect when he's uncomfortable so maybe she her beauty
01:10:02
blew him away would you want me to say anything to her yeah I'm sorry that she had to hear that okay okay no that's not
01:10:09
no what you want to it was a joke tell her clearly he's kidding no I apologize
01:10:14
okay all right let's squash it squash the beef I wasn't yeah I didn't feel
01:10:20
offended good thank you Dax have you ever been offended by us on this show no
01:10:27
good we love you so anyway look in the camera thank you for being a bad friend the best
01:10:37
[Music]
01:10:55
what
