00:00:00
hey you guys we have a patreon and it's the best thing on earth it's the best thing in my life because if you don't sign up for it you're missing out on in life itself we have funnier content we
00:00:11
have way fun of your content than the episode itself yeah baller it was baller baby yeah here's
00:00:16
what you're gonna get out of pocket when you sign up for our patreon you're gonna get the episode that we post normally on
00:00:22
Monday you're gonna get it on the Friday before no ad freebies uncensored ad-free
00:00:27
party with the bad friends and then also bonus exclusive content behind the scenes stuff we're gonna have bad friends Court we're gonna take bad advice calls from from fans we have so
00:00:38
much stuff uh planned for you guys on the patreon so you sign up at patreon.com bad friends that's right
00:00:45
patreon.com bad friends sign up with us today in the fall we're going on tour Rochester New York baby yeah the
00:00:51
Northfield which is basically Cleveland Ohio is just south of Cleveland Ohio Homestead Pennsylvania which is in
00:00:56
Pittsburgh Pittsburgh we're doing two shows the first one sold out the Late Show was there then we go to Boston Massachusetts Washington DC
00:01:04
then we go to Denver Colorado Milwaukee my hometown is Chicago Illinois Minneapolis and finally in Madison we're
00:01:11
adding dates as we go go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets bad friends pod come down
00:01:19
[Music] we're bad friends but anyway um who called you every day that you had covet who called you every day that you had covet you did you call
00:01:40
text me a couple times right but and then who else Pete nothing from Pete you're on the road you're headlining but
00:01:46
you called me the most I think you texted me the most I did I was worried about you when you said when you when I first called you I said how are you
00:01:51
feeling you're like yeah but Robin would call Batman if Batman was sick that well no no it's the other way
00:01:57
around buddy I think I'm Robin and I did call you no I'm Batman for sure you're 100 not Batman yeah 100 Batman you're
00:02:04
definitely not Batman see my house as a cave there's nothing beautiful Anonymous about you at all there's nothing like
00:02:10
sexy how do you Batman's not sexy yes absolutely is oh who gets more [ __ ] Robin or Batman Batman are you yeah Robin's gay I think Robin's gay oh yes
00:02:20
he gets no [ __ ] oh it's the it's the color of the costume he's gonna change that up no it's like a salmon or
00:02:26
something I think it's Chris O'Donnell [Laughter] a little bit closer to ant cockroach boy they're different universes cupcake guys
00:02:40
Ant-Man Marvel cupcake guy yeah yeah okay you're closer to the cupcake guy yeah you're whatever superhero orders too many things to eat what superhero is that wombat full menu guy oh yeah you
00:02:52
are wombat one Batman one Batman one Batman one Batman okay all right yeah thanks yeah uh Carlos is what Alfred yeah for sure slave I don't know I kind of like do anything I love Alfred
00:03:06
I think Pete is closer to Alfred he's closer to Alfred yeah right Carlos is a little bit closer to like the penguin
00:03:13
right Carlos is definitely penguin yeah um you are poison ivy that's poison or Catwoman no that's poison ivy poison ivy yeah you have more of a hippie you know what Pete is actually Pete is what was Schwarzenegger remember ice what was it
00:03:25
uh ice cream Mr Freeze yeah Mr Freeze Mr Freeze yeah yeah uh welcome back Bobby it's healthy hello you're back off the road headlining jet ski Johnson uh we're
00:03:36
back in the studio man look at this we're all back together I love it a family a team how was the shows amazing
00:03:42
sold out sold out the people are great and Vegas was baby you played Wise Guys played Wise Guys one night uh it was my
00:03:50
first weekend I did Thursday in Salt Lake City Friday Saturday Vegas Okay so Thursday you did one show all one the
00:03:56
Wise Guys yeah okay you sold that out very close each night it's either a seller or not just say yeah yeah yeah she did yeah okay I'll give you that Friday yeah sold
00:04:08
out everything sold out sold out sold out great they even sold out the sold out sign sold out somebody bought it
00:04:14
yeah that's what happens Seinfeld was in town too but yeah can you believe Jessie's across the street it's crazy
00:04:21
and Vegas was wild it's different without us don't know oh yeah it's a lot uh it's a lot lonelier but I worked a
00:04:29
lot harder really yeah were you nervous um the first night I was pretty nervous um and I like just remembering all my jokes but I was more nervous like flying alone yeah because we were there for the
00:04:40
comfortable yeah you know you could choose your fry we'd find winter yeah oh that's cool congratulations uh speaking
00:04:46
of flying man the government just admitted that we have UFOs legit like legit legit it's over yeah wrap it up dude [ __ ] yeah what government look it up it's what are your government the
00:04:58
only one that matters what administration buying them Trump because I only trust Trump uh Rand Paul's
00:05:03
remember Rand Paul that's kind of his thing oh I like him yeah we love that guy yeah no dude the government they got
00:05:09
they got tea party Tea Party no they literally admitted look it up right didn't they admit to saying that we have contact with aliens is that what it was and they should have physical contact
00:05:20
hello I'm John hello is that ibadopa yeah hello hi I'm John what's your name yeah Francis Ford Coppola's nephew yeah
00:05:35
alien I direct up there too space father they said that we have contact whistleblower tells Congress the U.S is concealing multi-decade program that captures UFOs
00:05:46
wait whistleblower tells like who's this whistleblower someone that worked that worked yeah but who knows who that is
00:05:53
what do you mean no I saw him he's a big he's a white guy it's a white guy yeah we gotta trust him yeah oh if it's a white guy you trust yeah he's like tall too what have you
00:06:06
learned nothing about this country oh why people should tell the truth that's right yeah that's right no but they
00:06:11
basically said that we got contact with these people that we've been going up that we've been talking to them for a long time multiple talk was right doc
00:06:17
was right the whole time I'd apologize yeah man I told y'all man that was crazy man y'all thought it was online I would tell y'all the truth it's insane how
00:06:24
true it did come to be and we captured them what does that mean that we've got him somewhere I gotta believe that we
00:06:31
have one somewhere four shocking moments from Congress UFO hearing non-human Pilots to possible
00:06:36
contact with aliens come on dude what do you mean you don't buy it I don't buy it dude this is this is every po every every valid news source is talking about this if I see an alien
00:06:49
right if I see a photo of idiokopola right yeah and a photo you can't take pictures of them why you can't get translucent yes
00:07:03
you can't capture them or they're like your dick trying to see through yeah whoa yeah whoa this is real dude look
00:07:09
they made contact with extraterrestrial life per Grouch personally interviewed people with direct knowledge of
00:07:15
non-human or origin craft so he personally spoke with people that have been on non-human origin crafts let me
00:07:21
what was the like let's say you captured me yeah I'm an alien I'm idiot Coppola that's kind of what this show is isn't
00:07:27
it yeah yeah what what would you what's the first questions you would ask I don't know
00:07:35
my name is uh my name is Pete all right my name is George Kimmel yeah if you're trying to kill anybody that I please go to the Kimmel family what's the first question I would ask you where
00:07:49
are you from Cleveland you're from Cleveland Ohio you caught me no where are you from I'm from
00:07:58
Aubry a pop-up yeah how long did it take you to get here it took me 3 000 light years two seconds point five
00:08:06
and we must have a different numbering system I feel like we do yeah it's in metrics oh that's the well British we do
00:08:13
it in metrics yeah yeah you do seem British gone I would ask like this um you'd be somebody hello my name is uh this is my scientist
00:08:25
you say your name hi I'm Dr clevorian and we're researching uh Dr Kevorkian oh and let's get this thing over with uh how are you doing today part of God
00:08:39
well excuse me uh what's your name we caught a mafia alien guy oh hell yeah that's what he did yeah yeah you're
00:08:53
gonna have us whacked or maybe you they just kept a sort of Italian guy [Laughter]
00:09:04
all right let's go I mean truly the best the best example of this was for Men In Black when they took the bodies of
00:09:10
humans you know they're doing this you know that they took the bodies remember the woman on the plane like two weeks
00:09:16
ago that's like she that [ __ ] yeah yeah all right did she see what she wasn't supposed to see it was a guy in a
00:09:22
hoodie I saw a testimonial from a guy that was on the flight who said he saw her talking to a guy with his
00:09:28
hoodie up who didn't see who who acted as if he didn't speak to her once but they communicated telepathically like
00:09:34
five minutes straight so she stopped I I I I don't exactly know what's going on she thought she saw somebody in the back she spoke to a person who had a hoodie on yeah it was bent down and she said
00:09:48
it wasn't real he wasn't real she said that motherfucker's not real this is a stress woman had a meltdown on a plane
00:09:54
saying as there was a passenger that was there that wasn't there she wants off the plane wait so there's
00:10:00
a but was he really there is there some skater kid apparently there was a guy that was there and he's
00:10:06
like whoa I don't know what's going on yeah they have Devin spoken to this guy this guy doesn't come forward you know why why because that motherfucker's not
00:10:12
real I'll [ __ ] blow my mind how old you dude [ __ ] blow him why don't they have an interview with him because he's
00:10:19
not real can I say something you know when people get yellow oh sorry oh okay I don't know
00:10:25
what that was honestly you were saying well people just stop sorry you're thinking one thing yeah you weren't looking at me I know then you
00:10:35
looked right at me and then you said yellow yeah I did that was weird I was gonna say when people get sick they turn green red
00:10:42
yeah that's what you did yeah when people get sick they turn yellow and green right don't they say like
00:10:48
you're turning green or turning oh yeah yeah you look the same so you wouldn't know if I was being
00:10:54
nauseous or anything right how would I know you're nauseous that's such a good point you could throw up just regular exactly no warning did you throw up the
00:11:00
last couple of days no no bathroom trouble no I stopped picking the boogers in my left nostril though that's kind of
00:11:07
nice you know why why it would if I put even a little booger it would gush out blood oh uh will you drop your nose dry were you just always dry drink some
00:11:18
water and put some uh Afrin up there I don't know but anyway um you were just bleeding out of your nose all day my
00:11:23
left nostril yeah lift up it looks good yeah it's fine now yeah yeah well it's stuffy how was this covid versus the
00:11:30
other one yeah you rank them we gotta if we're gonna keep getting them we should keep ranking them I think it was the second
00:11:36
worst really first time I got it was the worst this was the second one give it to me out of ten how many out of ten I've only had covert three times four
00:11:43
you've had it four times oh yeah this is your fourth time yeah there's the memory
00:11:48
fog [ __ ] [ __ ] holy [ __ ] yeah you're right so out of the four times yeah out
00:11:53
of the four times what is this rank the second worst I said second worst number out of ten a pain out of ten
00:11:59
because I mean dude the [ __ ] Monday night was Monday and Tuesday I don't even remember
00:12:05
night sweats Night Fever oh you had bad fever dreams Night Fever oh give us a fever dream
00:12:12
it's well I I didn't really recall what they are yeah you don't remember them he's just hold the whole feeling of
00:12:17
horror every dream I had a nightmare the other night I kept chasing somebody who I didn't really know who was from room
00:12:22
to room to room like they were like come on come on come on and I was trying to get into another room and then I get another room and be a totally different
00:12:28
place and they were like come on and I'd follow them in 50 rooms and I could never get to them or get to where I
00:12:33
needed to go you consider that a nightmare it was kind of anxiety inducing I mean it's got to be a metaphor Jesse go ahead what is it you
00:12:39
wouldn't like it though what all that running [Laughter] we scootered her together yeah you guys
00:12:47
do um anyway we implying though that you hate running there's I think there's more on that implication no you dislike
00:12:53
exercise take it to the next level I can't wait to see you in a rascal one day yeah I'm fat no when we were talking about
00:13:00
listening but I did it am I fat no okay actually you look pretty good yeah you look good now thank you appreciate it the sickness did it oh you
00:13:11
think so I think it got you back in shape yeah but let's get you covered every quarter okay I think about it imagine that's a
00:13:18
that's a new trainer's model he's like listen lick a pole get sick once a quarter that way you don't have to eat
00:13:24
less you just you know you'll get sick and you'll be fine yeah lose a couple pounds yeah I just just watch reruns of stuff that's fine I saw a bunch of
00:13:31
X-Files again and I saw um cold cases and that's it did we watch Barbie no not no none of us I want to see it
00:13:38
though I don't I don't think I will I want to I don't think I'm gonna I think I was gonna go and then I saw how many tickets they sold
00:13:44
a good do you know how much money Barbie's made pull up Box Office Mojo there's gonna blow your [ __ ] mind
00:13:49
it's crushing Oppenheimer it is which speaks volumes yeah that says that tells you if you really want to know where Society is at right now yeah go ahead and look at the differences of Barbie
00:14:00
and Oppenheimer Barbie's made 700 million dollars worldwide 774 million worldwide oh my God they're
00:14:08
gonna clear a billion wow without a doubt Joe Oppenheimer what have they made so far worldwide 400 million it's
00:14:14
crushing it by 300 million dollars well we already know what happens in opinion no we don't open some Barbie yeah that's
00:14:21
true that is very yeah I just don't I don't I mean the colors I think Ken gets a dick at some point in Barbie oh no
00:14:28
spoilers please sorry okay what happened to it Ken doesn't have a dick have you ever seen a Ken doll they
00:14:34
have no dick yeah it's just like a triangle it's just a slope it's the same as Barbie what do you mean it's gender
00:14:40
neutral oh if you pull down its little panties you know I got panties I don't know if Ken wore panties but you know
00:14:46
what new whatever new age can whatever he has he probably does yeah did you have Barbies as a kid oh yeah I had
00:14:52
mannequins though whoa a fig Barber well my because my parents don't know there's a store that's so creepy did you talk to
00:14:58
them no but you know I got in trouble well because my dad goes how come so there's These Broken Mannequins right in the storage room upstairs in one of
00:15:10
my dad's stores and I remember like we were there all day my brother and I and then one day my dad just goes why
00:15:15
upstairs my brother and I what are you talking about right you know what I mean not a big hole but I don't know what I
00:15:32
think what happened was we tried to do it but it's like the kind of material it was we did it too hard yeah
00:15:38
it's shattered it's plastic yeah yeah my brother when I was just like what like we're working on Railroad just right it's Shadow get the next one you know what I mean but I think we tried
00:15:50
yeah I know you did yeah yeah you're a good kid I know I am you are a girl you're
00:15:59
probably the best yeah but when I was you know the baby did I tell you what happened to her it was a baby though my parents go to wig store
00:16:06
downtown San Diego yeah and there's a crit they put my crib in the mannequin because in wig stores they don't have the body it's just mannequin heads yeah but all the broken ones right they put
00:16:18
like 100 of them on these shelves in this room but my Carriage was in the middle of this [ __ ] room that's why you turned out so as a baby I would look up and there was like a hundred like it
00:16:30
was like some sort of you know Star Wars Senate yeah you know what I mean watching over watching over me I I don't
00:16:36
know what what was I thinking as a baby what were you thinking these are all my protectors that's why you have a God
00:16:42
complex you assume that your parents left you with hundreds of people to watch over you wow special little boy I'm special I
00:16:51
don't think you [ __ ] me up then really yeah because he had no bodies oh you have a disconnect to the oh right
00:16:58
right there's just a floating heads above me do you think you see people as floating heads like when you see Liz you just see a floating head and not a body
00:17:05
yeah wow that explains a lot that does yeah disconnect from the from the person but yeah what a horrifying way to you know to grow up yeah frightening the first year but maybe you got comfortable
00:17:16
in front of audiences it's kind of like a lot of people you know really to be honest with me I was never afraid of
00:17:22
audiences yeah because people were always looking at you whoa whoa do you see the guy there's a guy show him the
00:17:27
guy that turned into a dog it's so weird you don't know about the obviously Asian dogs this man spent 14
00:17:34
Grand to turn himself into a border collie he goes by Toco isn't that your nickname for you don't you call yourself
00:17:40
Toco so my penis is a Toki Toki yeah pretty close Toki the dum-dum wait if you go to the
00:17:47
end I don't know if you really want to see it but if you would search for it in Instagram you'll see the video of him walking there it is
00:17:53
okay here we go look at him roll over whoa Carlos and they had to put Asian music behind it there he's getting pet
00:18:06
it's so weird laughs do you know what's amazing what I want one I you want you want a Japanese guy dressed as a dog yeah yeah can we buy
00:18:20
one we gotta get what it is by the way how funny is this this imagine this wasn't this guy in his own admission this white girl was like the only way
00:18:26
I'll be with you is if you turn into a dog yeah like he didn't want it she's cute too huh Kinda Yeah Yeah
00:18:34
this is weird but it's not sexualized there's no fetish part of it he just wants to be a dog
00:18:41
it's so crazy somebody likes eating [ __ ] that is so crazy ah he waves that's not
00:18:47
a that's not real that's not a dog yeah but for real that's I mean that's not real like there's a human being in the costume no no that's him for life that's him he never gets out of that
00:18:59
can't it's permanent that's not true you said he goes to work huh he said he goes to
00:19:04
work without the as a dog oh he shows up with a suit or he works at PetSmart yeah oh yeah that's smart
00:19:11
yeah walks around right yo by the way a dog in a suit so cute yeah um and he meets other dogs so you mean
00:19:18
um what if if I had to transform into am I a human version of an animal or do I it's like this you have to transform into something else I know my point is that if I say cricket will I go this small you'd have to okay
00:19:32
okay you still have my mind yeah the laws of the universe exist this guy still is this guy whoever that guy is yeah right so if I ever I think I would
00:19:43
probably and this is let me say it on the count of three let's say one two three four oh
00:19:49
sea otter for sure for me for you really you look like a sea otter already I was gonna say dragon
00:20:03
because sometimes like when you're Maddie will be like you just woke the dragon tell me that's not you that's a
00:20:08
hundred percent you oh that's me yeah that's right look at you floating on your back yeah yeah I mean that's you that's true you're a sea otter let's
00:20:15
make let's get you a c out of costume Pete spend 15 grand on sea otter costume for Bobby please immediately you got it
00:20:23
I would be an orangutan I'm closer to Monkey than you I don't know orangutan for you they're vulnerable they're they're annoying look at that's 100 me oh yeah that's true that is true you I
00:20:36
mean I I'm yeah I can but we can never see each other why that's what's sad about it you think orangutans and sea
00:20:41
otters can't be homies yeah I mean a [ __ ] Lake how come you're in a jungle how come you think there's no lakes and
00:20:47
jungles that's insane there's rivers and jungles the Amazon river goes through the jungle okay float down the river dog
00:20:53
and come say what about this then yeah you move to the forest oh I have to move yeah cause I'm not moving to the Jungle
00:20:59
oh some random so funny I of course there's crocodiles just like this show I have to move to fit your needs oh that's
00:21:06
not [ __ ] [ __ ] the thing is is that you don't have as many predators as I do true I'm protecting you nothing's
00:21:12
gonna hurt that fat [ __ ] orangutan is gonna protect me when they know look at me that's me protecting you right there
00:21:17
that's you and all you and that's you and your buddies that's you and everyone that lives in your house at any given
00:21:22
time okay that's right that's true I mean honestly I'll go to the [ __ ] uh I'll go to the gym well
00:21:29
if I was a clam would you eat me or would you be my friend oh if you were a clam
00:21:36
like if you're a clam yeah yeah and you found me and you were like about to eat me but I was like whoa Bobby it's me I'm a clam now I wouldn't eat you I'd eat
00:21:43
everything around you though your family everything I gotta tell you in the middle of the night has an orangutan I would eat her
00:21:49
yeah look there's you right there talking to her all right I just would I would just
00:21:55
yeah yeah I feel like I would eat her on accident yeah this is not to be complaining like you
00:22:01
you couldn't [ __ ] pick something with legs I could carry around every [ __ ] word that's Cassie that's me it's kind
00:22:08
of true now can I tell you can we make an animated version of us where you play a sea otter she's the clam and I'm the
00:22:13
orangutan that we all live in harmony yeah yeah I would love that that's amazing and then you're like why can't you carry her look at how big you are I
00:22:19
know and I'm like I've got too much yeah man I'm tired yeah plus I've been throwing poop all day my hands are
00:22:25
filthy yeah they throw poop you know that rain all right throw poop all the time and I'd be so mad at you because
00:22:31
it's like you purposely pick something that's going to be in my area yeah I know but I would I know it's very
00:22:37
similar to real life but look at that that is me that is totally you it's 100 me yeah where right there hanging thing
00:22:44
yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure look at they eat look at them eating and smoking that's me I like all
00:22:49
this yeah what's look at that oh my God what is Carlos a bald eagle yeah he's about to know if they're symbolic for Freedom just type in really bald eagle is there an actually bald bald eagle has
00:23:04
there ever ever been a bald Baldy [Laughter] there you are Carlos you're right really small Eagle there you are bud that's 100
00:23:15
Carla yeah that is so [ __ ] funny that's so funny that's actually Carlos yeah a really Bald Eagle straight from a
00:23:22
glory hole but he stuck his head in yeah look at his beak yeah yeah he got ripped in that
00:23:29
Hookah by the way in this animated series he is called a really bald eagle with a really bald eagle Morgan
00:23:35
again let me tell you something Bud like if you're ever in a car accident or something happens on the road or something like that right if you don't
00:23:41
call Morgan Morgan you're gonna get jipped okay submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is so easy it's
00:23:47
so simple it's just like using an app then hiring a lawyer here's the thing I got into a car accident a couple years
00:23:53
ago in our neighborhood who did I turn to I had no idea where to go who had Insurance how do I get my money when do
00:23:59
I get my money ow my neck hurts who am I going to call you got to call Morgan and Morgan yeah call Morgan and
00:24:05
Morgan what is it Morgan Morgan is America's largest injury Law Firm they have over 100 offices Nationwide and
00:24:11
more than 800 lawyers got dog that's so many with over 15 billion dollars recovered for clients Morgan Morgan has
00:24:17
a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation if you're ever injured you can check out Morgan
00:24:23
and Morgan submitting an injury claim like Bob said uh through Morgan Morgan is so simple and easy okay you can do it
00:24:30
very quickly what do you do if you're ever injured you can check out Morgan and Morgan their fee is free unless they win for more information go to
00:24:37
forthepeople.com badfriends or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone that's for the people for the people.com bad friends or pound law pound five to nine from your cell there's a paid
00:24:48
advertisement do you feel normal at post post getting sick do you feel like everything else is lined up fine
00:24:54
well last night I had some difficulties at The Comedy Store why did you went up last night yeah why because I felt like
00:25:02
it canceled too much you were sick with covet no I wasn't no seven days ago I got it okay and also I never tested
00:25:12
he literally called me and I go hey did you test negative yet and he goes I didn't even test the first time right so
00:25:18
who knows yeah I was like well how the [ __ ] did you think he had it I was sick you could have just said I was sick instead of saying I had covet it's more
00:25:24
dramatic it sure is with you yeah yeah you're such a drama guys I'm drama what happened last night at The Comedy Store
00:25:30
I just kind of lost my way on stage mentally in the middle of your jokes yeah and then I remember like you know sometimes you know how you're performing and in your head you're like you just
00:25:41
make this realization like oh I'm not connecting with them at all the audience wasn't good then maybe maybe it was maybe it wasn't but in my head I was like I I did something wrong and then
00:25:53
started losing like how to say certain jokes and this and that really yeah I kind of lost my way up there yeah a
00:25:59
little bit and you feel like you got off and it felt uh weird yeah and then I um was it was also
00:26:05
[ __ ] hot as [ __ ] no the AC is broken yeah so I was like sweating and then I um
00:26:11
I went to Dean Del Rey and I go I gotta get out of here and he goes why buddy and I go come on and stay I go
00:26:20
yeah I go I think I lost my way up there I just I'm feeling embarrassed about it so I got and then that [ __ ] guy
00:26:26
calls me Poe Dean you know like 30 minutes later and I put on speaker I go what's up and
00:26:32
he goes the audience loved you buddy say something in the whole audience he did it on stage that's funny the whole crowd
00:26:38
went right yeah and like you [ __ ] you know what I mean showing you love yeah I need help I
00:26:43
think I think I've lost my weight because I am having memory loss well maybe what else don't you remember could
00:26:49
I ask you some questions then please am I still dating kalilah look at me in the face right now yeah
00:26:55
kalila died a couple years ago buddy I hate to do this [ __ ] I don't I don't I hate to say this on the show because
00:27:01
it's [ __ ] up we've already gone through this but kalila was um it was an accident
00:27:07
she was riding a massive wave what a man she was riding a massive wave I thought he's a dick she I did not at all sad but funny because you make that joke every time we do this yeah every time we've done this we've talked about this
00:27:22
before yeah every time we tell you about this it's like you should make the same diction joke yeah and I should have
00:27:28
changed it so she was riding a wave I should just say wait yeah don't say writing it is kind of funny well then when you if I forget again yeah yeah she
00:27:36
was surfing a dick a wave oh [ __ ] right yeah yeah and what happened was is she didn't see that there was like a double break there was two barrels and two barrels intersected
00:27:48
and there was someone else swimming underneath and she tried to get out of the way as
00:27:53
fast as she could and okay he slipped and he [ __ ] her to death in the ocean he [ __ ] her I told you there was a dick well there was but you can't put her that fast no I knew
00:28:04
there was a dick he [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of her ass killed her because she couldn't get up for air he was [ __ ] her while they
00:28:09
were swirling okay he lived by the way I completely forgot about that um yeah she's gone what else is going on I was so am I uh is my brother okay he's really famous right now he's the
00:28:22
most famous he's ever been it's insane he's selling out [ __ ] Arenas right really good yeah my brother Steve Steve
00:28:28
is selling out Arenas and because of y'all your memory fog he actually they were like replaced him in the and just
00:28:34
like that he's in the new but he took over for you it's good he's killing us playing the same part yeah same part
00:28:40
same name same everything wow wow and people they don't care he's up for two Emmys this year
00:28:46
now he's killing it he's actually really proud really ripping so happy for him yeah he's so happy for him well he went
00:28:52
over his speech with Jesse he gave her his speech because they do kind of tell if you're gonna win he said he was going to win an Emmy and he said he's going to
00:28:59
thank you first oh cool but he's anyway I gotta go to the hospital now oh so you remember you have rainbows okay let's now we that's fun and games
00:29:13
that was a nice 10 minute bit this is the best version of 50 First Dates I've ever seen let me ask you something
00:29:19
you something I did that what was the original thing oh no he still doesn't remember I don't
00:29:26
[ __ ] even remember I'm so [ __ ] livid hey what are some of the weird things did you eat did you order weird
00:29:31
[ __ ] while you were sick did you eat a bunch of [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] did you order stuff all day to the house well I do it's just my normal food runs
00:29:39
you didn't get anything like obscure because you were sick that makes to make you feel good I mean I went to uh well I
00:29:44
could look at my I want to hear your ordering history because not knowing that you like to eat
00:29:49
out not being able to leave the house once what are you looking for kiddo God damn it's hitting him this memory thing
00:29:55
is really striking him to a different degree the memory fog is scaring what am I
00:30:02
looking for are you being serious right what was I looking for your car keys you were just
00:30:08
looking for your car keys I don't know where they are because the show is done you're gonna go home we said thank you for being a bad friend Pete just said it
00:30:15
oh I'm sweating dude what the [ __ ] is going on it's really good [ __ ] is going on right now dude two hours is longer than we usually do oh my God yeah
00:30:30
by the way best uh actually most boring M9 Shyamalan twist ever [Laughter] anyway um what did I order yeah would you order let's go back to what I order what'd you get um I went to
00:30:46
um Cohen Genghis Khan love Gengar I thought they closed no still open huh are they oh no dude where did I go dude this is holy
00:31:00
[ __ ] are they do you imagine if we go down to Genghis Khan and it's just it's a ghost town
00:31:05
down there damn whoa there's like it's completely empty yeah I would love it so much that would that I would have lost
00:31:11
my mind yeah if I look because I look I remember ordering it on my app have you ever had that when you thought something was a thing and then it's not a thing
00:31:17
and you can't believe it's not like Bernstein Bears oh yeah that well that's that's what you call that's Mandela
00:31:22
effect yeah oh isn't that Mandela effect when you think it's one thing but it's the other I'm talking about when you think a thing was there like you were
00:31:27
just there the other day and it's gone whoa yeah that happened to me when I went back to the old neighborhood in
00:31:33
West Hollywood I was literally just there I remember driving by going to the store and then I
00:31:39
drove by again in the restaurant that was there gone and I was like that can happen overnight but it felt like it was packed
00:31:45
the night before it was the weirdest feeling on Earth the chairs were gone the the thing was down yeah the sign was
00:31:51
up close I still think greenblatts is open sometimes that [ __ ] me up I know well I miss it a lot yeah yeah sometimes
00:31:57
I think I'm gonna cream is it open and then I go I don't think it is I don't know how long it's been closed a while
00:32:02
this city everything [ __ ] opens and closes right away speaking of which I want to open up a restaurant I'm ready if you want to invest can I pitch it to
00:32:07
you let's go gyoza everybody loves gyoza yeah right okay check this out well can we just can
00:32:14
I do it with you or no yeah but can I give you my pitch but can I you're pitching me to be a
00:32:20
business partner so I get to add my own of course go ahead gyoza right like it you get in line
00:32:28
as you're in line you pick from three menus one the kind of meat or meatless two
00:32:35
the flavoring and three the sauce get ready I went to a place in Japan that did this you
00:32:41
picked the meter meat list right they had five kinds of meat it was like chicken pork beef dog Carney a pig
00:32:47
something else yeah yeah and then the second one was flavorings which was like um physical spices or physical like uh you know it'd be like peanut sauce or no no
00:32:57
that sauce is his third second one was dustings it was like dustings right it's a dusting you know like uh like a like a
00:33:03
like a curry powder powder like a powder right so and the third one is sauces like that it would be like fish sauce or
00:33:10
eel sauce or soy sauce or whatever and so what you do is they give you the [ __ ] gills that you want let's get another question though listen okay they
00:33:16
give you the gyoza that you want they put the pow the the flavoring in a bag it's like powder and then you shake
00:33:22
it up and then you get the sauce on the side and you dip it and you take it out of the bag that's shaken up so you create it right there you go I want this
00:33:28
this that whoa and I did it in Japan and I was like how come we don't do that here yeah and it's always to go we don't
00:33:34
have to worry about overhead yeah there doesn't have to worry about anybody sitting down and eating it's to go everything is to go to cut Caso
00:33:41
since I'm in your business partner love this get rid of the bags what do they how do they flavoring it we do it for them no oh we just give it them in their
00:33:47
hand yes okay and you could shake it like that I feel like it's not saving enough money but I like it what do you mean how much is a [ __ ] bag
00:33:55
one one fifteenth of a penny of a cent each bag so it was save three dollars a day this guy's smart
00:34:10
and they put it in your hands yes and then you roll it around and just eat it right well you and do we pour the sauce
00:34:15
in your mouth we don't even let them have sauce to go exactly you're so good dude I like this right so you go and you
00:34:21
put your hands out like this yeah right and they go pork dog or chicken what was
00:34:26
it pork yeah and then pork curry pork yellow curry with fish sauce but you said there was dog option earlier it's always there all right so oh it's like um when you go to In and Out and you get
00:34:37
that's animal secret menu all right it's actually called animal style right animal style oh yeah animals we took that from them that's funny yeah animal style they just stick it in there then
00:34:49
the powder yeah in your hand right yeah what do you want like you want like a green curry or red curry do you want uh
00:34:54
cinnamon yeah do you want nutmeg do you want nutmeg okay they throw it in there got it and then the guy behind the the
00:35:00
guy behind the [ __ ] counter goes close your close your hand you close like this then you know what I mean Shake right right open your mouth
00:35:13
then we have a guy squirt your mouth right yeah then you eat it perfect perfect do we have to
00:35:18
have a sink for them to wash their hands no just a bucket what about a bucket of
00:35:24
of rain water they can just dunk their hands in and walk out just a bucket no something better he's like another catch
00:35:30
all right at the door there's a hand just a guy's hand no no you don't you know how sometimes in baseball games or about football games they have that gigantic hand oh right
00:35:42
the high five high five we have one like a foam hand a foam head and you high five and that wipes you clean use your
00:35:48
hands I like this two hands you go hype High Pipe high five right and you leave by the way can the restaurant be called high five high five high pipe what do you guys think we lose no napkins right
00:36:02
no plastic bags nothing we're saving waste wasteful right we're saving the environments that's exactly where we're
00:36:08
doing it's a really high yeah yeah we should open up a restaurant usually do I 100 want to do this kind of say
00:36:14
something yeah the pizza place I finally went there what do you mean is it good I went 15. is it good let me see here
00:36:25
your part opinion first okay I thought it was good except it's way too much parmesan oh man I love pumpkin crust is
00:36:32
like parmesan crisp I really like parmesan that's a tough self yeah it was too much dough not enough the red sauce
00:36:38
well it's called dough Bricks Pizza I mean the whole thing I know I know I just Chuck it was I mean it's huge like
00:36:44
a cake really the bread let's do bad friends pizza then you think so we could go open it next to
00:36:50
his how fun would that just take over saddle Ram keep the ball though yeah actually
00:36:57
the bull is how you shake up our argyoza I think Yo's is perfect because it represents you and me
00:37:02
so we do use a high five there high Vibe we do a high five next to dobre 100 I'm so down to do this okay do it where the
00:37:08
old cigarette short story used to be yeah okay um dude by the way since we talked last time about that I got an in-home massage
00:37:14
again okay and I asked her if I could get naked this time because we talked about this before yes and I said hey do
00:37:20
you hate it when clients get naked and she goes what no oh you could get naked what do you mean of course she goes it's
00:37:27
private it's privacy yeah yeah she goes no no no that's not unusual I say almost she attractive
00:37:35
um you know I think about her in a professional sense not not in that sense no no she's no no she but nine or ten no jokes no all jokes aside she is a she is
00:37:46
a uh yeah I mean in the sense of like I'm not attracted to her but she's an attractive woman
00:37:55
that's what I heard but I guess I mean I'm very much not attracted or I don't want to be I'm not trying to be mean I'm not attracted to her I know you though I know you well do I not know you
00:38:07
yeah sure right you know me right yeah yeah so let me ask you something because the theory is flawed I get naked first I
00:38:13
get naked for anybody who massages me but just hear me it doesn't mean like I pick like I get naked for a massage I
00:38:18
like it you feel comfortable this particular one though isn't offended because she's not attractive honestly I
00:38:25
get naked for every massage I don't discriminate I don't care if they say dress to your comfort level my comfort
00:38:31
level isn't what about like a foot massage I still get naked that's crazy well it's a massage okay so if I get a
00:38:36
manicure when I get a mani pedi I sit in that chair butt naked with my dick out and my balls out can you imagine if I
00:38:42
just gotta I go for a mani penny I'm just saying I'm like oh my God one girl on my hand one girl rubbing my
00:38:50
feet and she's saying to the other girl yeah hey get naked you got it and you wouldn't have a problem why would I care you're a professional masseuse it's your
00:39:12
job to be professional I assume you're gonna stay professional in this professional place that we're in okay so
00:39:18
you're on the chair yeah you're facing in the donut Hall you start eating my ass
00:39:23
yeah what would you do I'm not snitching you you literally wouldn't say anything of course I would say something what would you say down to the left yeah
00:39:30
you'd say oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah you wouldn't go I'd go oh is it taint is it is taint an add-on or is that included so you wouldn't be offended so if anyone touched you in a sexual way you wouldn't
00:39:42
say anything well no I would say something but you wouldn't press charges well unless it was like look if it was an ax accident but if she stood like if a masseuse like grabbed my dick yeah I
00:39:57
would just be I wouldn't pressure but I'm like hey hey come on what do you I don't want that but you would still continue with the massage well yeah I
00:40:03
want my back down my back hurts my [ __ ] back hurts I mean okay so if you got a massage and someone grabbed your
00:40:08
genitals yeah right make up a word uh you stumbled you like grabbed your language okay yeah so somebody grab your
00:40:15
lung somebody grab your lungola right and it is long and you go stop would you finish the massage or would
00:40:22
you press try what would you do be real if it's a guy no if it's a guy it's obviously sexual assault if it's a girl
00:40:27
it's a girl I'm getting uh see really see she's gonna get off and then I'll get the rest of the massage but even me
00:40:34
as a guy even it was a guy or a girl and they touched my genitals I wouldn't press charges and I probably would
00:40:40
finish the massage if a guy grabbed your dick aggressively you'd want it to stop
00:40:45
let me think like he's like like this okay so I'm like you're yeah there you are right you're resting am I on my back of course no you're on your stomach and
00:40:57
he's grabbing your dick oh oh it's on my side your [ __ ] is sideways yeah you're laying
00:41:04
on it he's pulling your phone all right so yeah yeah all right so I'm laying down like this right okay so I'm laying
00:41:09
down like this right yeah it reaches under right where's his hands at right I would be like sir Please Don't Let Go
00:41:23
please don't let go he's like yeah is my tip gonna be good it's gonna be a great tip gently put it
00:41:29
down there you go thank you because that would hurt yeah yeah now hit those Shoulders Baby yeah so what I would do is I would like don't stretch my dick again right right that hurt a lot
00:41:43
um I've never gone to one of those massage parlors I have no interest in them no I've never either I've never been to a happy ending Carlos I know
00:41:49
Carlos has three thousand times three thousand times I'll tell you why I don't like it why well amongst amongst the
00:41:54
obvious reasons but remember I I've never been to a masseuse only the milking table and escorts oh yeah yeah okay sorry he's [ __ ] sorry
00:42:07
about that yeah yeah thanks for the clarification you're right and we're wrong actually we're
00:42:13
wrong and I'm sorry I don't know I've never been grazed I've never been touched inappropriately I've I've gotten
00:42:20
semi-hard once and I was a little embarrassed by who who I was getting massaged and my my wiener got a little hard because I was fading in and out of sleep and I kind of was have you know what I mean right was
00:42:32
a male or female masseuse it was a guy oh cool yeah amazing and he was like uh he's like oh you got a little hard there he said that he said that hello and I said a little hard I'm full uh and he
00:42:46
said right we call those little hearts he bullied me he bullied you and then if my dick went soft right away so he bullied me I didn't get hurt it was it was it was a uh it was a female masseuse
00:42:57
actually and I started like get worried about it oh I see like I was on my stomach thank God I wasn't on my back and I was like oh my God why am I I was
00:43:03
like don't know stop yeah cut it out but I asked one time a friend who's a massage therapist and she said it
00:43:09
happens it happens yeah yeah people just get hard there's not what can you do that girl from the Sam tripley shows she
00:43:15
you know she does massages in the back yeah dude she's good Joy Eileen Joy yeah she's really good yeah she's my right shoulder hurt so bad before a show and she did she did something but it really
00:43:26
helped how hard did you get my shoulder no you're did you get an erection no I don't know oh I don't know they do say it happens though I wasn't bear I was embarrassed but they do say it happened so it made me feel like oh
00:43:37
okay this isn't like the first time I feel like because you guys can't control your boners right well oh the way I would argue you have
00:43:46
less control now than ever I've become complete control get a boner right now there's no white
00:43:52
card right now okay ready can I play with myself no no no please God no yeah I can't do it spontaneously
00:44:04
yeah like crying it's like no that's like crying right I can I can I can do it accidentally
00:44:11
you still get accidental boners at night when I'm asleep four in the morning sometimes I'll be like why do I why am I
00:44:16
a wreck right now oh yeah yeah yeah but I mean you won't get a boner but out of nowhere I wasn't thinking about a woman
00:44:22
you're not gonna be a Jersey Mike's and get hard yeah no although that it's a good sound so funny I just went there
00:44:28
today I know you did I can smell it on you are you being real you smell like Jersey mics it's a very obvious smell Jersey Mike's
00:44:36
really yeah I can smell it that's insane did you get a Mike's way I did it because
00:44:41
um my friend told me you never get in Mike's way delivered and I go why because the oil and vinegar of soggies
00:44:47
doggies it up that makes perfect depends on how long the distance is so I did it once I go I because we had an argument
00:44:53
about it and I go you're [ __ ] wrong man those [ __ ] buns and that bread is tough she's right isn't she she was
00:44:59
[ __ ] right as [ __ ] it up the bottom was uneat edible so I today I got two sandwiches
00:45:07
no oil and vinegar well just in case you got two or you ate both no I saved one for my night munchies
00:45:14
PewDiePie I always have something in the [ __ ] chamber just in case either chili or something or yogurt really and
00:45:21
granola yeah chili and yogurt and at the same time oatmeal sometimes that's a healthy snack I'd like to see that more at night yeah so sometimes I'll either do chili steel cut oatmeal or um
00:45:32
every once in a while a Popeye bad boy let's guess what Liz's late night snack is what do you think what do you think she wakes up in the middle of the night he needs I know chocolate covered crickets
00:45:45
well I was not insects chocolate covered insects look at her no yeah if you're thinking like ants or something oh
00:45:51
chocolate covered dance I was going more like tofu chocolate covered tofu oh just tofu in general who the [ __ ] is eating
00:45:58
anything non-sweet in the middle of the night I'm eating sweets when I'm waking up in the middle of the night really I want sweets I don't want like a [ __ ]
00:46:03
meal I do I want like a French dip yeah there we go now yeah yeah no yeah you keep on that train dude you're gonna [ __ ] I know but I haven't had breakfast in years because you miss it
00:46:15
you it's yeah that's right yeah you can't wake up I miss breakfast you missed breakfast and that's a very
00:46:20
that's double layered you miss it because you miss it oh wow oh right yeah yeah I miss it because I miss it yeah I never miss bro I love breakfast it's my favorite meal yeah you could get I
00:46:31
haven't eaten lunch don't care yeah just like a you know the baked bean thing that you told me about oh my God I
00:46:37
love it so much you never cook yourself you never cook yourself see she has an Asian accent oh it's maybe it's in
00:46:43
Arizona right yeah yeah yeah so uh you heard the question yeah I can't um you you can cook I feel like you would love cooking you love food so much see I don't like cleaning though oh God
00:46:56
that's why like I have three um juicers but I haven't used any of them in years it's pretty good it's pretty good but cleaning those things is a nightmare
00:47:13
just throw them out get a new one I just keep throwing them out buy one throw it out yeah yeah but have you ever tried to
00:47:20
clean one of those it's like this is the carrot carcass I have our blender I don't even like the [ __ ] I have one of those uh what are they uh the
00:47:26
NutriBullet no no the the the one that like cuts through [ __ ] like humans I thought that was a neutral uh will it
00:47:32
blend you know that show will it blend oh yeah what's will it blend what are the what are those called uh
00:47:38
what's the name of the blender we have that blender Blendtec we have one of those it's like
00:47:44
crazy strong you could [ __ ] have you ever seen this guy whoa this guy's funny he's like iPad will it play he'll like
00:47:50
throw a [ __ ] iPad in there watch this also he has the best blender pretty good
00:47:55
blender look at it you have that blender yeah turns it into dust that was one tough pad [Music] foreign
00:48:07
I gotta get one of those Blendtec dude you can blend anything yeah yeah but you got to rinse it immediately you
00:48:14
do have to rinse it out right away I just put it right in the sink with hot soapy water I'm gonna buy one today buy one today
00:48:19
because I want to blend I got kava what um I don't know what you're trying to say I'm gonna try to get there let's try yeah yeah um
00:48:30
it's the new yeah it's the new um let me see if I can get there he has no idea it's a powder yes yeah what's it called
00:48:37
it's like the Polynesians or the Islanders drink it's like they're alcohol it's powder no no that's not that that's what I'm talking about
00:48:48
sober anymore vodka um anyway it's like a it's it's like a meal powdered pack it's like a it's like a all in it's like a meal in one right
00:49:00
but I've been trying to like because I want to lose weight so I've been using like just tap water and the powder and
00:49:08
it just clumps into these balls it tastes terrible just gotta eat those balls baby so let me ask you something if I get a blender it'll break it up
00:49:14
yeah but what do I put in it so I put powder how about some ice ice maybe a little vanilla flavoring or peanut butter maybe okay frozen blueberries phobia blueberries banana I can put
00:49:26
bananas in it um peanut butter ice what else is good vanilla ice cream maybe a splash of some
00:49:32
kind of dairy product like milk or or okay okay so you think that'll work I mean it'll help smooth it out yeah yeah
00:49:38
that's how that's how you make a smoothie butter we teach you how to make a smoothie yeah that's what I'm gonna make that's really yeah yeah literally what the ingredients are okay okay I
00:49:44
didn't know you're gonna be our Smoothie King or just go to Smoothie King you can get it there that's better I know
00:49:52
this is the point if you've got the monies there's places out here that make them so good there's so many good
00:49:57
smoothie joints yeah well I'm excited the reason I brought up Austin is I'm excited I'm going to play Joe's club for the first time that's great I am excited
00:50:03
to go down there and see the club yeah they asked me I said I'll do it next year why'd you say you want to take a year
00:50:09
not ready yeah I want to do it next year we've been on the road a lot we're gonna
00:50:14
go back in the fall I know it's gonna be exciting and then what Vegas maybe Vegas maybe and on top of that Atlantic City
00:50:21
we got offered to go do Europe no yeah we did London yeah I got hit up with Australia but should we do that too or no I think we should do everything and then she's nodding like she's gonna get to go we're
00:50:32
gonna have to decide if you're gonna you know you know what you did to him earlier is gonna yeah that's a problem
00:50:37
I'm being real I told you it affected me and you said you it didn't affect you that's true but it did it affected me
00:50:45
yeah it affected us I know it affected us I know things were going so good yeah yeah so who do we bring you know who Ali
00:50:53
Mac you know I almost pulled a Bobby Lee the other day by the way which is what I almost bought a pair of shoes uh like you the way you do shoes where I'll rip off you know you're
00:51:18
golden yeah at the bloomies why didn't you do it I just couldn't pull the trigger on something so silly how much was it they're like 600 bucks Golden Goose yeah
00:51:29
but you wanted them there was a pair like them it wasn't Golden Goose I don't know the brand yeah but I looked at him
00:51:35
and I laughed why you should you should treat yourself to a parent that's crazy why I bought a
00:51:41
beanbag for 900 coming tomorrow like a LoveSac I don't know what it is I saw it on you at Instagram you bought a
00:51:47
thousand dollar bean bag on Instagram what do you sit in it I don't know what it does but it's like it's cute so it's
00:51:55
in a salmon yeah so an Instagram ad got you and was like it gets me every time dude I have all kinds of stuff this guy
00:52:00
looks like a bean bag he'll buy it yeah yeah but you're gonna you're gonna buy a bean bag I already did it wow yeah
00:52:07
are you buying all sorts of [ __ ] from Instagram yeah really a lot what else I get um a lot of like clothes for sure they've got you then they're really
00:52:18
humming is most of your Instagram then ads is it a lot of ads it's mostly ads do you have ads yeah yeah I have like
00:52:24
almost no ads once in a while I'll get an ad yeah they have great products on Instagram
00:52:29
and they cater to you I know yeah it just makes me uncomfortable that I'm supporting the [ __ ] the chaos I know
00:52:35
but it's like um you like let them in your house I know but you have um you know Imogene and Willie is a great for
00:52:43
t-shirts Imogene and Willy yeah I've never heard of them this one this is imogenic Willie it is it's got to be on there it is on there but my point is that so I'll buy this they got you and
00:52:55
the more we talk about it the more I'm gonna get an ad for it on my phone now too oh I want you yeah now I'm gonna get one so that Aviator nation and um
00:53:02
probably made one or the t-shirts so those are the ads that pop up and you buy them yeah oh yeah and then Furniture
00:53:07
now and you're buying you're right yeah feedback start with bean bag you're gonna start you'll be doing beds and [ __ ] in no time is Willie Nelson still
00:53:14
alive yes yeah he is he just had his birthday party at the Hollywood Bowl wait really yeah why why didn't we go
00:53:23
um he's nice he's 90 years old oh my God would you smoke I would let you crack your sobriety if we got invited to hang out with Willie Nelson I'd let you smoke a joint with him but I'd have to take
00:53:33
you home and meet afterwards and stay with you I would no I would do shrooms with them too no yeah yeah let's do the
00:53:38
whole thing it's like I would do a Coco dance yeah yeah if you're gonna give me one night
00:53:44
with him you gotta let me do everything can you imagine we go backstage Willie Nelson he's drinking like a Lacroix he's
00:53:50
like I don't want to smoke man yeah he just wants his night off do you ever think Snoop just wants a day off when someone's like yo let's smoke this blunt
00:53:56
you ever think he's like guys I don't want to get high right now yeah I've been doing this way too much for too long I'm tired yeah I'd like to not get
00:54:03
stoned no you think he's down all the time yeah that's see to me he'll die if he if he stops right like when the alcoholics get the shakes and stuff like I saw a guy last night we went bowling
00:54:15
the other night and a guy got out of his car and it was like a plume of weed smoke
00:54:21
and then like a little girl you know there's a group of people a little girl was like Uncle and she started running
00:54:26
up to him he's like hey baby girl and he picked her up and he was just like I mean like she got stoned she was like
00:54:31
enshrouded in [ __ ] weed and I thought I remember being a guy who always smoked weed going to places yeah and and I just
00:54:40
I thought I don't miss that anymore because the anxiety of showing up really [ __ ] high just does not appeal to me anymore I
00:54:47
don't want to show up to like an event ripped out of my head I used to [ __ ] love it because I could disappear yeah
00:54:54
but now I'm like oh I'd be thinking about too much and also because we're a little bit known people are staring at you you're pretty healthy though in
00:55:01
terms of you're very moderate everything's in moderation with you I'm not trying I mean no no I I look at you you're very healthy I try you exercise
00:55:08
we're on the road you're always like I'm I didn't hike or you know because I'm not as blessed as you when it comes to you can you're 52 yeah
00:55:24
51. you barely exercise and you're alive if I did your lifestyle you would be alive too I'd be dead no you'd be alive dude I would be [ __ ] 500 pounds if I
00:55:36
lived your if I ate a sandwich at midnight your little midnight snack if I had a [ __ ] Jersey Mike's at midnight
00:55:43
yeah I'd be [ __ ] 800 pounds because I would do it all the time oh I'd be it's like there wouldn't be a
00:55:50
night throughout the week I didn't like a pint of ice cream I'd laugh at I'd get the gallon and I'd smoke it yeah I don't
00:55:56
do ice cream anymore yeah yeah this is my point I can't once I go down that path it's over okay Charlie I can't even
00:56:02
if I buy a bag of chocolates I mean the whole [ __ ] thing yeah I'm not why would I stop peanut butter cookies is
00:56:08
what I eat at night too I would wreck a bag do you eat the whole thing yeah see what I mean yeah I'd be fat and
00:56:15
dead if I was you yeah I'd drink almond milk it's great drink it with almond milk yeah so good does that regulate the
00:56:22
you does that curb your fat you think yeah man yeah you know but I think I'm gaining a
00:56:29
lot of weight you're not you don't think I am no you look the same thank you Liz what do you think how does
00:56:36
he look I think you look great thank you that's a [ __ ] crock of [ __ ] let's stop stop
00:56:43
your glory yeah your Galore yeah I've been watching cold cases though and you know what bones me about the cold cases sometimes they like because of DNA now
00:56:55
they'll catch some guy some guy that's 85. look show up to their house you can go you know in 1968 you know I mean you
00:57:02
left this little sperms you know I mean sperm inside this lady yeah and now we got you and the 85 is like all right
00:57:10
I have a year left look at the [ __ ] he's done there's no satisfaction he's gonna die in the way yeah he doesn't give a
00:57:16
[ __ ] would you what would you rather them happen to do the DNA in the 60s technology oh so go back in time and get
00:57:23
better technology better technology back in time that makes sense my point is it's not fair man it'd be fun if they
00:57:28
just killed him on the spot that's like the Grim Cold Case Grim Reaper oh that's safe what if they did
00:57:35
that what if they did this here's your sperm back they gave it back yeah he sticks it back in his dick I just
00:57:42
think if they can if you committed a crime 40 years ago I have an idea yeah you committed a crime 40 years ago they
00:57:48
find your sperm they take your 80 now the guy who committed the crime yeah take the sperm you clone it you get
00:57:55
their son and then you put their son in jail for life this is a Black Mirror episode that's intro whoa that's a black
00:58:01
mirror but that's such a good episode the sun didn't do it he's paying for the crimes of his father so they're saying
00:58:08
would you care listen they're saying be good in this life because you're affecting others lives it's metaphor for
00:58:14
how you treat everybody in the current life your life now can affect others Butterfly Effect you can place your son
00:58:19
in jail by being a criminal but my point is I love this but Andrew check this out but I still like mine when they
00:58:25
committed a crime they show up to you and they shoot you right in there yeah that one's fun I get back to sperm that's my thing yeah that's you
00:58:31
yeah but check this out what you lost this in the 60s we found inside a vagina oh thank you I was looking for that how is she
00:58:43
yeah those caucuses are wild you know well it's insane that they can go that dark I mean dude look at you speaking the most notorious cold case they just
00:58:50
found more evidence for Tupac did you see all that [ __ ] what do you mean what do you mean among the items
00:58:55
stop by investigator computer laptops articles about Tupac and his death evidence case is now being presented to Las Vegas grand jury no charge them and
00:59:01
file the investigation suspect to continue for weeks to months they found a bunch of new evidence from the Tupac
00:59:07
case the who killed him today yeah wow home search Tupac and turpack murder in Vegas Police searched a home in the Las
00:59:14
Vegas area on Monday night in a long dormant murder case of hip-hop Legend Tupac Shakur so they found a bunch of
00:59:19
[ __ ] that might tip them off to maybe finding some more [ __ ] out but apparently the guy that killed Tupac's dead right isn't he dead didn't they say
00:59:25
that they kissed him to death and he was like I want that guy [ __ ] it's a mob it's a crazy mob wow get rid of those to this day Tupac's first
00:59:38
killer remains a mystery ah suspect we never caught I thought for some reason they said they did anyway look yeah they've got all this new evidence for
00:59:44
this guy and that's the oh that case is what 30 years ago now yeah he died in 1997 seven or eight yeah
00:59:50
that's crazy man it's so crazy dude honestly if somebody killed me how long would you search for the murderer honestly
01:00:01
Bobby how much time would you spend it would mean spend no no no I want to be clear what do you mean I
01:00:14
spend you know what I [ __ ] mean no because here's will I be thinking about it thinking about it all the time I
01:00:22
think about my dead grandmother that's not what I'm talking about so I've been watching all these cold cases yeah right
01:00:27
and what happens is there's always somebody to keep it alive a warm case right to keep it a warm case right so
01:00:34
you need somebody to call every once in a while to please and go what's the new evidence what are you guys doing would you do that for me
01:00:40
I'll have Melanie do it your [ __ ] assistant yes you can't even book you a flight I understand that that woman
01:00:47
[ __ ] up everyone so I'll call Melanie goes so what's up with that what's his name again Andrew Andrew yeah no I won't
01:00:53
I'll go you know the Andrew thing um she's like yeah I emailed him six months ago by the way she didn't
01:01:00
even you know she forgets the email that's all that's all lie no how long was it in her in her you know I would go all the way dude I like Melanie I'm just
01:01:06
kidding I would get um it would consume me I mean that would I would quit comedy to find my killer oh
01:01:13
yeah my whole life would be that here's our other this place right here yeah it would be just like one of those [ __ ] Beautiful Mind Right offices with like
01:01:19
lines with nice lines connecting and me trying to figure out will you be there oh yeah I'd quit comedy we'd be like
01:01:24
disgruntled who do you think did it out of our crew because someone you know it's always someone from the inside isn't it though right don't they find
01:01:31
out like the number one it's always someone from the inside who did it who did it who done it
01:01:37
doc doc did it oh you killed you dude a little bit I'm sorry man but that joke you did yay can't be having that yeah yeah wow yeah
01:01:49
dude I died who killed me doc yeah I actually doc I am doc yeah yeah I I genuinely think mine is mine is is
01:02:00
Bryce and this is inside baseball but I think Bryce would yeah he's quiet he's quiet right price unassuming yeah yeah
01:02:07
by the way Carlos was there smoking a cigarette watched it happen yeah he's like oh man that's [ __ ] up
01:02:13
yeah I mean that's all he would do look at that hey I killed I understand Tina [ __ ] murderer how obviously does that
01:02:19
guy kill me he obviously kills me yeah yeah sometimes when he talks to me I think he might think about he's thinking about killing me when he speaks to me
01:02:25
the least believable person killed me is I think Pete would kill me because that's the last person people
01:02:30
would think well it's great because yeah no one would think so yeah yeah but why did you kill me Pete yeah why Pete
01:02:37
oh sometimes I get a little frustrated you know in the heat the Heat of the Moment yeah you know and maybe stab you
01:02:44
a lot of times and then black out and go oh what happened thought about it he thought about it he's thought oh no no
01:02:49
no no yeah 100 he's thought about it that's 100 he's not about it because Remember the force awakens yeah right
01:02:56
remember the porks yeah you remember the porks right what was that other creature
01:03:02
that's liquid milk is that is that Pete that's Pete's body wow I'll tell you who it actually because I've wanted a milk or tits before I'll
01:03:13
tell you who like who'd actually kill everybody go fine fine the guy get him milking
01:03:18
what yes there's people's body that's why he's gonna kill me yeah that's how I sit too is that you on vacation yeah just yeah there he is how funny
01:03:30
would be to post yeah yeah yeah that's a wild how funny would it be to post that on your Instagram and just be like hey made it to Italy just chilling on the beach look at him look
01:03:43
at Pete yeah all right so check it out maybe we'll go to Europe in the new year maybe we'll go to Australia maybe we
01:03:48
have a Vegas for income we have all sorts of fun stuff that we're trying to come up with yeah but we'll uh we'll see
01:03:54
baby great hey yeah thank you for being a bad friend even even more than that what I love you
01:04:00
I am going to miss you when I move to Austin you're not moving there do you want to come with me when I go
01:04:05
visit no all right there you go anyway thank you [Music]