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bonjourno we're in camarillo we're in camarillo at eric griffin's wedding look at how gorgeous this is it's so
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beautiful beautiful yeah this is the same fence they used in the show oz this is the fence actually at the border this
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is the border yeah dude trump one funnier joke funny joke hey come see us live on the internet momenthouse.com
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bad friends what's the date we're doing the live show june 28th june 28th bad friends live
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everyone's gonna be there huge surprises some please come someone might get something done to them momenthouse.com bad friends june 28th sign up now say
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goodbye bob bye you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude
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[Music] first of all most importantly yeah
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rudy's in the philippines doc is not here andres is filling in which is great we have the real
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bean
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when they say the real mccoy what does it mean they're talking about steve mccoy love him yeah do you know steve mccoy
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yeah one of the fastest shooters in the world i have no idea what it means jimmy the
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kid oh jimmy yeah it was jimmy the kid and tonti bob the builder jimmy the kid yeah what is mccoy
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it's from the house hatfields and mccoys i know who that is do you know the happened to mccoy is a fueling a feuding family in the south have you heard of
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these people oh no they were racist no they were yeah they were fighting over who kind of people who owned the most
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black people is what they were fighting over really yeah if i was a slave owner i would probably only just if i was i would never do it
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because it's not um it goes against my ethics but here's the problem i'd have only three
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reasons that's my lucky number yeah because they would be all in-house but what color would they be
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asian right but not but not korean japanese no a couple of chinese slaves
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yeah yeah they work hard the problem is with that word people have a connotation that think it's automatically going to
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be about black people you want asian slaves and they're not going to do whatever they did i saw in the the roots
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well you're you're not going to beat eurasian slaves no i'm not going to do any of that you're not going to physically harm your asian slaves i'm going to taunt them
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with what which is threats but i would never you know do the dishes or else you're going to be
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out there with andrew slaves that's right yeah cause you're out your frills are out there yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
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you know who my slaves are what hot white guys really hot can i change no you already
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don't want to change no you already picked you can't go back dude dude can i have all right
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no hot white girls no you kid that's just copying me hot agent girls fine i can't have any girls
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slaves outside yeah yeah they're outside they live outside no i want to know oh boobs but no t-shirts
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oh because you know what i love i want them to be working and doing the cotton and stuff do they do
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is this i don't know i don't know what they do but for me it would be rice yeah because i don't eat cotton yeah i don't
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need it i don't need i don't no need for cotton yeah right but so rise but i like it when like when you know like in music
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videos when when the shirt they're not wearing bras and the shirt gets wet all right and you see the boobs yes
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i don't know how you make rice with pans sure you do yeah yeah why not there's no doubt yeah do they pan with the you know the
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pan the rice right yeah and they're just all go their juggies are you know ah they have the [ __ ] the [ __ ] little
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nippy nebula yeah the chunky nipples yeah
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i want my hi my hot white slaves my hot white men slaves are going to be harvesting uh soy
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tofu obviously because that's what they eat and i make them i make them oh yeah i'll go i see what they're that's what
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guys i didn't think gay but i guess they are i didn't think gay oh they're not they can be whatever they want to be
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that's true in our day and age anyone can be whatever they want to be we let our slaves be whatever they want to be
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yeah yeah my asian slave the women out there if they want to rub their little tacos oh
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they can rub tacos kimchi sleeping outside they need a fire you're gonna make them fire well they
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have to rub the i don't know what however they make the fire but they're sleeping outside i know how i've organized my hot male white male slaves
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wow they they all sleep in one sleeping bag all of them oh cool
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can i do that with mine no you can't keep copying you know what and i and i zip them in every single night
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oh did i kiss them like as i go to bed yeah peas in a pod peas in a pot yeah that's a really cool
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one yeah my little soy boys that's what i call them joy boys and i ring a bell and you know what i'm wearing nothing
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but a gun holster yeah okay oh that's good yeah i'm just wearing a
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gun holster there's no gun in it though there it's just it's a squirt it's a squirt gun yeah okay can i have a
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scorpion i spray them when they're stories yeah you can i'm gonna tell you what my situation is though all right so i'm gonna have a
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bunk bed uh-huh and the girl's gonna sleep inside they're gonna sleep inside now i've figured out that they're gonna sleep outside okay but what i'm gonna do
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is in the mattress i'm gonna cut out holes for their bums oh right so i'm on the bottom bank they're
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bunk in the top bunk poop on you that's true it doesn't matter that's worth it for the squirt guns oh i
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thought you wanted them to poop on you i thought that was the whole point of that maybe maybe yeah yeah but i'll sc you know i'll play a little game that night
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see if i can squirt in the butthole the hole itself and the whole night that'd be cool right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh look at that
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soyboy is what i call my boys soyboy is a project of term that sometimes used online communities described men lacking
00:05:37
masculinity not my boys my soy boys are flipping this terminology i'm gonna have buff hot white soy boys they wouldn't be
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soy boys then what do you mean read the definition of soy boy again i'm sorry go back i'm sorry go back
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give me the definition read it out because i can't read it soy boy yeah read it is a pejorative term sometimes
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used in online communities to describe men lacking masculine characteristics the term bears many similarities and has
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been compared to the slang terms cuck and low t [Laughter] by the way that's those guys cucking low
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teeth yeah no no no no no pizza pizza
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oh you're low tea yeah that makes sense yeah yeah actually your high tea yeah is that high low testosterone correct thank you if
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you have a high tea that's when you start losing a lot of hair so that's why he's more manly than all of us in this room mm-hmm
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that's amazing if you have high tea so low t actually that's your rap names now it's low tea and cuck
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low tea and cuck and right over here is soy boy for sure low tea and [ __ ] could i tell you something put it on a
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shirt can i tell you something that happened to me recently that's a miracle
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yeah so um you know when i was doing my relapse and the drinking you know the drugs i was doing remember i was yeah i
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was there i was a part of you were part of that right was that i don't know if i told you this but when i was jerking off
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frequently i would jerk off and nothing would come out the dust not even dust
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no it wasn't
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[Laughter]
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and nothing would come out a bubble maybe yeah yeah and lately dude bro you've been shooting
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bro i could make a [ __ ] i could make butter i could make i could
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no i could literally make churn some [ __ ] did you have retrograde ejaculation that occurs when semen enters the
00:07:34
bladder instead of emerging through the penis during orgasm you still reach sexual climax you might ejaculate very
00:07:39
little or no semen that's you you had retrograde ejaculation i don't know about that you know you know when like a
00:07:44
hippie chick is like mercury is in retrograde you had retrograde ejaculation yeah my
00:07:50
dick was in retrograde your dick was in retrograde yeah and now it's not now you're in uh now you're in full moon but
00:07:55
it's like so much now what are you doing with it i don't know man i've been saving it i've i have been saving it i know you
00:08:02
have yeah but then it dries quick yeah it's supposed to change yeah it's really quick let me ask you
00:08:07
something when it dries quick right um does the sperm they're dead no oh so they're just oh you know they're
00:08:13
like freeze tag oh they're doing improv yeah they're doing improv and then when they get tagged into a scene oh they're
00:08:19
doing improv yeah i thought it was more like you know um prehistoric like insects
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like could i revive them later a hundred percent oh yeah i come back to like i just need the technology that
00:08:29
park has 15 to 30 minutes outside your body sperm can live 15 to 30 minutes that's insane have you ever heard these
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stories of like um look this up there was a chick that like saved a condom from a guy yeah and then
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impregnated herself with it afterwards like he threw it in the trash can he thought nothing of it she went and
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grabbed it and pregnanted herself in the [ __ ] bathroom and it worked it so basically spring who impregnated
00:08:51
himself was stolen semen from billionaire wins child support oh my god this woman's a [ __ ] genius
00:08:58
so basically sperm is like princess leia in that one star wars movie go on remember she floated out into the
00:09:04
gravity right and for like 30 minutes it came back that's right that's what sperms
00:09:10
like exactly what sperm is princess leia is sperm and vice versa by the way that was what
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the whole film was about i didn't know the that was the metaphor you know he's like you're you are my you are my father
00:09:20
yeah that's where you're my daddy started that's where daddy started as like a sex term yeah star wars that's
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look there he is sperm sperm in film frozen sperm in film
00:09:32
welcome back to sperm and film yeah yeah sperm and film i've never seen
00:09:38
um you've never seen a [ __ ] shot in a real movie have you [Laughter]
00:09:44
have you i don't think that no wait no is that against adam did it
00:09:49
adam driver did in the tv show girls yeah like on season two he actually ejaculated yeah they show the ejaculate
00:09:55
as well show me wow yeah well i want to see i know i know a movie there's something about mary but it was
00:10:01
in the hair but steven admitted that was all fake it wasn't real this is supposed to be
00:10:06
real you're carlos you're you're saying this is real it's not as real come of course
00:10:14
oh no adam drivers what about what about that what about what about um what about the movie that shia labeouf did where
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they had to have like real sex with other actors do you know what i'm talking about no there was this like experimental filmmaker do you know what
00:10:24
i'm talking about and yeah they did a couple of those movies called dogma uh and it was they had real vision in the
00:10:31
95 96 where they have real sex the idiots like live from tree or movies yeah it's the same directors called
00:10:37
nymphomania yes yes yes lars uh yes oh i love large front trees and they
00:10:43
had real sex on camera yeah what was that lars von trier movie where it was um what was it called york was in it
00:10:50
dancing in the dark in the dark dancing did you see that [ __ ] no oh my god
00:10:55
anything you gotta watch that movie did you see that movie guys dancing in the dark there that movie made me cry so [ __ ]
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hard anyway that by the way dude bruce springsteen comes up obviously look at bjork what a cool specimen
00:11:10
dancer in the dark dancer in the dark yeah that was a really good movie but but that was a lot hurts von trier right yeah remember how mad people got at
00:11:16
bjork like she's always somebody that was like [ __ ] the system i love that do you
00:11:21
remember when she attacked that woman at the airport i loved it that's my favorite attack
00:11:26
she's my favorite celebrity attack she tried to rip her hair out i thought that was awesome it was the best like she went for the hair that's dope and they
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tried to pretend like she was in the wrong it's like dude that one had a camera in her face you should be allowed to physically assault paparazzi they're
00:11:37
in your face i don't think it was paparazzi oh i thought it was can we see that again that's why one of my favorite celebrity attacks bangkok for the pop
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star to lose that icelandic cool
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hell yeah oh yeah yeah yeah stop stop stop stop stop [ __ ] yeah
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yeah yeah why is an english-speaking woman welcoming to bangkok give me a local welcome to bangkok okay how about
00:12:15
this what i'm gonna get off the plane right you tell me the welcome to bangkok that should have occurred
00:12:22
okay let's do it the other way you do it yeah you say it say what
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welcome to bangkok but you know that way or in in a non-intrusive way authentic
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okay okay i'm with my kids where's the taxi what's going on welcome
00:12:39
to bangkok oh hi thank you thank you yeah yeah exactly yeah some
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white lady is like rocking your bank account i'll do that i'm ripping your hair out and there's my little texture welcome to
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bangkok [ __ ] oh i see i see i see it i see him immediately i see now some [ __ ] white lady let's
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see it keep justifying let's see her yeah yeah yo
00:13:03
yes
00:13:08
dude so rock and roll that's so [ __ ] rock and roll it just feels not good it feels
00:13:14
awesome what it feels awesome that's bjork that's literally punk rock i don't think it is oh that's her oh no
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it's julie kaufman i just have some bruises i have a tough head you know
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no nothing's not i'm okay yeah she's hot cool yeah she would i would have done that maybe she attacked her because she
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was high welcome to the begging you know what i've done go on
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what go on high five yeah high five high five so it was it looked like a white lady in the video it was not yeah it was
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uh that's high julie kaufman her last name is kaufman oh she's married she's
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she's jewish she's half thai speaking of wonderful asian ladies that definitely have my approval what can i show you a
00:13:52
video of someone that i voted for you did you vote yesterday oh yeah no you didn't oh yeah no you [ __ ] could do
00:13:58
so dude rick caruso you didn't vote for him i did i devoted for rick caruso you didn't [ __ ] vote yesterday
00:14:05
i did man where i did i went on beachwood where my old i just because my my registration's still
00:14:10
at when you stumble i know you're lying that's no that's me no when i get accused of lying and you
00:14:17
lie no when i get accused of lying i start stumbling when i'm honest when i'm lying i'm very
00:14:23
precise because i plan it at the elementary school yeah telemetry school across the street from my old uh that wasn't a polling place because i looked
00:14:29
it 100 is i was just there dude i got the [ __ ] sticker it's at home who did you go with by
00:14:34
myself you wouldn't i vote every [ __ ] time you went alone yesterday and voted yes i did look me in the face and say
00:14:40
you swear on our friends look me in the face the whole time say i voted yesterday i swear in our friendship
00:14:47
i didn't vote signs of lying it was yesterday in vague offerings it was yesterday yeah man you're
00:14:53
supposed to vote rick won you were supposed to [ __ ] vote dude i only vote for the main event
00:15:00
what the [ __ ] are you talking about ufc i don't watch the all the prelims
00:15:05
show him the video the woman that got my vote yesterday this woman isn't [ __ ] incredible go up where's the it's to the top right
00:15:12
there he is this one's pretty good oh this is doctor sarasota this is dr candidate u.s senator
00:15:18
i'm a pastor an educator an entrepreneur and a business owner and immigrant from
00:15:25
seoul korea my dreams always supporting business as educators principal of
00:15:32
university i always dedicate my life until today as educators as well as well
00:15:37
as i'm an immigrant you know from south korea i know the immigration torture they're moving the camera for some
00:15:42
reason
00:15:48
first of all let me tell you something what i'm not making fun of this woman i love immigrants who come here and
00:15:53
succeed i'm serious and dr lou is a [ __ ] doctor yeah
00:15:58
who's from seoul korea who came to this country and and loves america yeah and is trying to change the american system
00:16:04
i'm for immigrants that come here and win go i want her in the [ __ ] you know why she can't go why mitch mcconnell he loves
00:16:11
that [ __ ] oh mitch mcconnell the turtle loves asian
00:16:16
olds he's like oh korean lady get over here like a nibble on your little korean legs
00:16:21
i mean i got one at home yeah i collect koreans you know yeah well i vote i voted i voted for her
00:16:28
because she is so dope look invited by san bernardino county endorsement meeting
00:16:33
come on why did god call me to run for office for u.s senator let's put dr sarah son liu lou in
00:16:41
the [ __ ] senate did she win she did not yeah she did not do you think
00:16:47
she's dope look at her let me ask you something mitch mcconnell's face looks like he's
00:16:52
coming what face does he make when he is coming he looks good when he comes oh so he's like he talks like that and then
00:16:58
when he comes he's like hello hello he's definitely as soon as he knows i get it then it goes back to creepy again yeah
00:17:04
yeah anyway i cast my vote i cast my vote for for sarah's son lou and
00:17:09
did you really vote 100 i voted no you did it i voted i endorsed her
00:17:15
where'd you vote yesterday from the comfort of my couch exactly so when you receive steve byrne calls me
00:17:21
and stephen goes you want to go to israel i go why
00:17:28
right he goes it's free they'll fly you out you come on you didn't do birthright and pretended you were jewish no no no
00:17:36
can you imagine yeah i didn't do that no but he said um no the government israeli government is
00:17:42
flying out like celebrities for free out there to do a tour for free
00:17:48
and it's on the house they apply you first class the whole thing wow and i go oh who's going he goes
00:17:54
it's going to be me you george lopez jamie chung brian greenberg her husband i like him i love him i love brian right
00:18:01
and i go it's free they go yeah it's not free because when you land there
00:18:08
they go you have to every day tweet positive things about israel yeah right yeah and i just
00:18:15
felt so uneasy uneasy about it yeah but couldn't you just go why do you because you have because you have a lot of palestinian
00:18:20
friends yeah i mean i know some you know i mean i don't know much about it i just know that they're in conflict and it's
00:18:26
just like but i did i did what they said but it's like the [ __ ] wrath i got
00:18:32
was insane inside what was some of the stuff you tweeted jesus just choose good palestinians yeah
00:18:38
is that what you tweeted yeah yeah you number one build the wall higher like no it was just basically you know oh um
00:18:45
palestinians i know israel's a beautiful country yeah this is probably true that's true it is true but then it's
00:18:50
like i had to tag the government in it or whatever oh that's crazy the israeli government yeah oh [ __ ] that's weird as
00:18:56
[ __ ] yeah and it was just like every day it was just nonsense you were cucking for the israeli government yeah but i
00:19:02
wish i hadn't gone really but that was there did you float in the dead sea oh yeah that's tight
00:19:08
that's worth the dude but i got in trouble can i tell you i got in trouble
00:19:13
so so they they every day they go to you take you on a tour right yeah and i was
00:19:20
you know i smoked back then right i smoked back then right yeah don't do that when i'm doing story thank
00:19:25
you new computer my bad all right it's okay i was smoking back then right so one day i didn't know where we're going they're
00:19:31
like we're gonna go and i was tired at that point like i had another place right oh
00:19:38
so i'm smoking a cigarette inside this room because there was no windows or whatever
00:19:43
yeah and i'm smoking and they go please don't smoke in here i go why they go this is where the 12th
00:19:51
sub the supper was the last supper was well i was in the room where the last supper was well they didn't smoke after
00:19:58
they had a good meal that's true you told me jesus didn't [ __ ] light up after they probably
00:20:03
banged yeah they needed a [ __ ] 12-man bang like you think they [ __ ] on that table they did they [ __ ] yeah yeah
00:20:09
that's why they were all on the same side of the table yeah they were [ __ ] how do they know that that's the room that's why i asked how do you know this
00:20:14
is the room [ __ ] they don't know they don't know [ __ ] but can i tell you something funny that happened so
00:20:20
i laughed i almost died laughing because they have this slab where um
00:20:26
i guess jesus laid and died or whatever what do you mean like it's like this slab
00:20:32
like a concrete didn't he die on the cross they did but after that they put them down on this thing
00:20:39
they probably threw them down yeah yeah sure they weren't like gentle yeah yeah anyway so i'm with steve byrne
00:20:46
and we got to cut in line because that line was like nine hours long to get to that slab [ __ ] i'm like it's not like i'm cutting i'm smoking
00:20:52
sliders an old 50s mobster yeah then we cut the line right so we get to the to the slab right
00:21:00
yeah and i'm still smoking and i'm going where the [ __ ] is where the [ __ ] is steve burns all right
00:21:06
right and they look down and his hands are on the slab and he's convulsing crying shut up i
00:21:13
swear to god and i start laughing
00:21:20
ship station hey how do we get our merch out that ships dude when you run a business
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00:22:38
make ship happen better help you oh my god you know during the pandemic the only thing that helped me was better
00:22:44
help because i got to do online therapy and it's really a great service it is dude i used to do uh in-person therapy
00:22:50
and i got to be honest with you i didn't love going to an office i don't like going somewhere and waiting and scheduling through traffic and all that
00:22:56
stuff it's so nice to do it from the comfort of your own house and life can be overwhelming and many people are burned out without even knowing it
00:23:02
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00:23:39
friends that's better he lp.com bad friends i don't even know
00:23:45
the full ten com like love thy neighbor is that one yeah thou shalt not steal thou shalt not
00:23:50
kill thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife thou shall not uh zoom in okay no no go
00:23:56
back you had it go back to the previous page you had it right there zoom in ten commandments right there zoom in less selfish
00:24:02
you shall have no other gods before me thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images right what does that mean only
00:24:08
fans you can't do only fans they had it back then okay thou shalt not name the lord thy god in vain to
00:24:14
take the lord's name in vain so if i say god damn it you just did it remember the sabbath day and keep it
00:24:20
holy sunday i don't [ __ ] know is that the sabbath is it saturday for for the jews yeah oh but what about christ this
00:24:26
isn't for jews yeah yeah this is christian [ __ ] no but moses came way before jesus so until
00:24:33
jesus comes in everybody's a joke do the new one not the old one catholics believe in this one catholics
00:24:39
believe in this one i want the new one though man thou shalt not steal thou shalt not commit adultery thou shalt not kill honor your father and your mother
00:24:47
oh unless you don't have one of the two like your dad is dead you can't honor him anymore yeah i [ __ ] that up you
00:24:53
[ __ ] that up well killing's obviously an obvious one i don't know yeah me either still in
00:25:01
but it depends on what you dude you think stealing is always bad check it out if you're starving yeah and you steal
00:25:08
food is that bad i believe that like a priest would say that is bad [ __ ]
00:25:15
him he [ __ ] kids yeah i'm not the priest i'm just saying that's true you know somebody put up a really clever post today on twitter that
00:25:20
i thought was incredible that some some senator some republican senator woman was like instead of sending your kids to uh
00:25:27
something why not send them to church instead of homeschooling maybe put them
00:25:32
in church or something like that yeah and someone tweeted back at her and it was like uh
00:25:38
the number of a killings at a [ __ ] school and they like numbered the amount of kids that have died in school shootings and they
00:25:44
wrote the number of kids sexually assaulted by the catholic church in the past [ __ ] 50 years and it was 260
00:25:49
000. 260 thousand thousand that's insane yeah yeah yeah
00:25:56
they keep moving those kids i think that thou shalt not be homo would be a one of them because because they make such a
00:26:01
big deal let me tell you something the phrase that's in the bible is they'll shall not lay with another man
00:26:07
yeah they don't they don't say you can't [ __ ] them and kill yeah i i i'll never lay
00:26:12
with another man but i'll [ __ ] after we have sex i will [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of one after you and i have sex we've never
00:26:17
we've never laid we don't know we just go on we don't even say goodbye no we'll see you later
00:26:23
you shall not lie with a male as as with a woman it is an abomination chapter 18 verse 22 if a man lies with a male as a
00:26:29
woman both of them have committed an abomination they shall surely be put to death their blood is upon them chapter 20 verse 17. you know why this is what
00:26:36
because [ __ ] he got a little taste of a guy and was like this is bad you know what i mean all right no wrong bad
00:26:42
that's what it is guilt it's guilty guilt that's the original sin yeah is that he didn't accept who he really was
00:26:47
i've said this before that jesus was gay jesus was gay
00:26:53
we want to say because i know these are your jokes on your acts so i want to tell you to save them so don't burn through him jesus was gay don't burn
00:26:59
through was he gay no i'm dead serious i look this up this is they have a lot of proof that says that he might actually be gay
00:27:06
i know but it's just like you know he's the bottom uh he he would be top
00:27:12
he's the lord you think that what but he likes being dominated okay can i ask you this because he's serving all day long he wants to be certain
00:27:18
imagine a guy having sex with jesus and he's on top i'd just be like just
00:27:23
i just feel wrong this is wrong this feels wrong and jesus oh oh
00:27:29
it's so bad you're so bad and i come in his butthole and then wine comes out [Laughter]
00:27:37
that was how he turned it was yeah it was jizz into wine he got water yeah he lied to us
00:27:42
i can't believe you know so much about you're christian right i mean i was born in spain so you have
00:27:48
to be you have to be catholic by just that and by the way it's pride month right now right and ironically
00:27:55
who's the most homophobic yeah for sure yeah for sure spanish
00:28:01
people for sure which is ironic because you guys seem the most hey yay
00:28:06
this is elegant look at how he's sitting you know if jesus is talking about right
00:28:12
now jesus uh healed lepers and stuff what would you i would ask you know what if i was around back then and he held
00:28:18
heal lepers and stuff i'll just walk up to one guy can you give me a black dick
00:28:24
[Laughter] what would you ask for what is that zoom in on that oh it's just a scene if uh
00:28:30
gay marriage is legal in spain it's been legal since 2005. yeah wow
00:28:36
good for you guys how about mexico it's gay marriage i believe it is is it yeah because you guys hate gay people
00:28:42
mexicans are so not as much as koreans watch korea i'm kidding same-sex marriage in mexico
00:28:49
2010 legally recognized yeah korea do korea i don't know about this one yeah i
00:28:55
don't think so i don't think so south korea declines declines recognized same-sex partners yeah
00:29:00
this is my problem though this is my problem i'm being certain you didn't have to google i already knew it no this is my problem yeah here we are
00:29:07
in the united states and whites get the brunt of all this homophobic [ __ ] yeah everybody i know that's not white is way
00:29:14
more homophobic that's true i'll say it and i [ __ ] mean it yeah every asian friend i have their families are all
00:29:19
crazy anti-gay oh there are some african uh countries that uh if you're gay it's
00:29:25
they kill you they kill you yeah they kill you you know stop this [ __ ] because everyone i know is chill with
00:29:31
gay people but that's what i loved because when i like would [ __ ] around with dudes when i was a kid
00:29:36
you go back to korea they'll kill you no but i would tell my parents oh just to make your dad get to make them angry
00:29:42
i set the dick yesterday dad he would you know if he could turn into
00:29:48
a yellow hulk smash yeah asian hulk we should have an
00:29:56
asian hulk by the way yeah but he wouldn't be korean why maybe japanese
00:30:03
they're the only ones he would be benedict wong who's benedict wong he's in doctor strange oh yeah you'll be benedict yeah
00:30:10
yeah yeah yeah you should be a superhero by the way which one
00:30:15
just your i mean wolverine you should be a new one i would can't pay for wolverine i'm saying you need to be a new superhero there needs to be bobby
00:30:20
lee needs to be a little superhero i got one i know what my power would be what is it
00:30:26
no everything my butthole turns to adamantium steel so nobody can get in and nothing comes
00:30:32
out so you just fill up with poop and and and like if i saw like magneto
00:30:38
or whatever uh-huh [ __ ] me and he's like oh that's a shot because
00:30:44
my butthole my ass would be nice and shiny beautifully shiny yeah and they would stick in i would just rip their
00:30:49
dick off and out of their hole pretty cool what's your power what's my power
00:30:56
if i was a superhero my power would be
00:31:03
to be able to switch races i could switch that's a good one i could
00:31:09
switch and a dime boom on a dime i could switch and become another race can i can my butthole switch races
00:31:16
stop copying i know no just stop my body you do the body thing i just want my just your butthole just
00:31:21
fine i'll get good thank you fine thank you i had a sore butthole uh no uh scratch that
00:31:28
did you really have a sore puddle no i had a sword but my butt cheeks were sore because i uh was swimming all day
00:31:34
in the [ __ ] ocean in hawaii and i got uh and i got a little leg cramp and my ass got so tight and sore i couldn't get
00:31:40
back in the [ __ ] canoe i had the best time i've ever had in hawaii yeah i saw photos this time was the best
00:31:47
time i've ever had i went swimming in the morning at 7 00 a.m we went out and we canoed out like about a quarter
00:31:53
mile out and the ocean right there is about what island 30 40 we're on the big island about 30 or 40
00:31:59
feet deep the guy said and the guy we were with he was like i'm gonna dive down with the gun see if i can shoot
00:32:05
mahi mahi and i was like what he's like for sashimi and i was like holy [ __ ] wow he dives down and
00:32:12
then he dives back up and goes there's a shark it's so it's a white it's called they call him maybe whitetail or something
00:32:17
like that it's it it whatever he because he's like it's the panda of the sea whatever he was saying
00:32:23
the panda of the sea that's what he said i'm not kidding he goes if they're soft they're sensitive
00:32:28
and panda of the sea shark oh that no right shark right shark
00:32:34
i don't know what breed it was but let me say this is that it no that's not what it looked like
00:32:40
it was really thin but that's cute as [ __ ] looks like a dolphin with down syndrome
00:32:47
a a downfin yeah he swims down there and he goes like this hey there's a shark in the coral i'm not making this up there's
00:32:52
15 other people with me that can say that yeah he goes i'm gonna go down there and i'm gonna get him out of the cave and i was like
00:32:59
what if he freaks out and he's like he freak out on me if anything it won't be on you cause it's again it's 20 or 30
00:33:04
feet down yeah he dives down in the coral this guy was impressive he would sit for like two or three minutes and hold his [ __ ] breath on the bottom of
00:33:09
the ocean which is crazy and he he literally goes puts his arm in the cave and then he goes like this to
00:33:14
us like this come to look you look to look and sure enough out comes this [ __ ] shark swims right around his
00:33:20
body yeah i'm not kidding and then goes right back in he comes up and he was like wasn't that cool and i was like no
00:33:27
why get that keep that [ __ ] thing in the cave we're in the middle of the ocean it's the panda shark dude we are
00:33:33
[ __ ] we are two 300 yards three football fields away from the canoe we've swam out and we're in the middle
00:33:38
of the fifth floor panda shark i know but even pandas maybe like to eat [ __ ] bite and kill and i was like you made a
00:33:44
bamboo yes but it was [ __ ] beautiful and then we saw um
00:33:49
we went night swimming with manta rays which is one of the coolest things i think i've ever done in my life they light up the bottom of the ocean and you
00:33:55
can i mean you can see probably a radius of like 40 feet and it's so [ __ ]
00:34:01
crazy they put these lights on surfboards so the plankton get you know the photosynthesis starts to make them start to eat and you hear them clicking
00:34:07
then these things show up and they do barreled barrel roll dives they come right up under your belly bobby yeah and
00:34:13
they flip over and then dive right back down it was the [ __ ] coolest thing i've ever done it was so the whole trip
00:34:19
was it made me want to move to [ __ ] hawaii but then i found out um how much they hate white's there and i was like i'll just visit your holly they hate
00:34:26
white i hate you guys yeah do you know what haole means no land ghost oh really ghost when they
00:34:32
first saw whites they thought ghost oh wow look at that [ __ ] ghost yeah and by the way who's more ghostly than me
00:34:38
yeah no one i'm not kidding when i say this yeah one can of sunscreen every day went through one full can you look tanner
00:34:44
though a full can of sun like your four arms are tan a little i mean this is a little bit yeah full can of sunscreen didn't burn very proud five days didn't
00:34:51
burn had a wonderful [ __ ] time it would dude hawaii is
00:34:56
i learned what it means it's been there god i learned what it means too he's
00:35:18
and the convergence of these three things that makes up the island [ __ ] hippie here man it's [ __ ] i gotta
00:35:24
tell you something you have crystals too [ __ ] i got spiritual i got spiritual as [ __ ] while i was truly man over here man
00:35:30
[ __ ] earth water don't disrespect the [ __ ] [ __ ] you don't disrespect [ __ ] wrath don't disrespect dude
00:35:37
don't disrespect my culture and my [ __ ] people dog he goes to one truth he's so annoying one trip he's like
00:35:42
breath of water light [ __ ] you it was beautiful yeah i've been there [ __ ] god yeah but you're trying to get an experience yeah
00:35:48
you don't get out of the [ __ ] hotel you loser you don't do [ __ ] you [ __ ] sit on your dick in the hotel
00:35:54
you don't think that i've been out there with the sharks too one time i'll do everything one time
00:35:59
and after what you know after i do it one time i've done it i want to show you the video oh i don't want to see it the guy oh look at this
00:36:07
can i send this to pete or well pete i text it to you i don't [ __ ] see this [ __ ] man no because this you'll like it
00:36:12
you'll love this it's like having a girlfriend it's like i mean check out my day [ __ ] you
00:36:19
anyway go ahead okay it's kalila
00:36:27
this guy was a huge bad friend fan the fire the fire spinner yeah yeah
00:36:33
and he came up to me afterwards and was like i'm a massive fan of you guys i [ __ ]
00:36:38
love you guys and i was like oh thank you and he went up there and he spun [ __ ] fire like you've seen them do that [ __ ] at the luau i have yes and
00:36:44
this guy explained it to me like an [ __ ] i mean carlos [ __ ] amateur over here
00:36:52
i mean he's so excited about the trip he wants to get you included yeah yeah thank you carlos what did you do in
00:36:57
hawaii carlos with bobby when you guys went no i don't want to [ __ ] know how many how many sharks did you guys see
00:37:03
uh zero sharks and it was the first time i took a hundred milligram edible
00:37:09
with me yeah yeah and you introduced me to it and then what did you guys do i went to my room and just yeah yeah
00:37:15
yeah yeah yeah cool cool vacation yeah [ __ ] here yeah but still we're in hawaii doing
00:37:21
that yeah we had dinner yeah different environments
00:37:26
let's see the photos no no it's over you drown my mood [Laughter] [ __ ] drown my mood it's just it's the
00:37:32
same thing as you know i mean like you know you have to endure that with your girlfriend right like check out my day
00:37:38
look at the photos i went to the dog park look at the photos right and you do it and you know you're half interested but you have to be mindful and you have
00:37:45
to do it right but from your friend it's just come on guys let's go man
00:37:55
look great though do you win the golf tournament or celebrity golf tournament distillery golf tournament it was enjoyable
00:38:02
i say out there i saw some of the pictures looks great with you and your white friends in the golf cart
00:38:09
really good did you win i hosted my it was hosted by a black guy
00:38:15
my white friends with the photos i saw were with you my friends what photos
00:38:20
were you golfing on the golf tournament where on your instagram why are you looking at my instagram because you're my friend get off my instagram i don't
00:38:27
want you ever looking at my answer no no no no no we're best friends [ __ ]
00:38:33
[ __ ] tell us about more hawaii more words that you learned what does aloha mean
00:38:38
we'd love to hear about that a means sunlight
00:38:44
okay lo means low to the ground r beans hello
00:38:49
[Laughter] aloha who gives a [ __ ] okay okay what
00:38:58
mahalo what does that mean mom means ma literal
00:39:04
means hello like i said in aloha right yeah yeah oh means who gives a [ __ ] who gives a
00:39:10
[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah am i not right carlos
00:39:17
you're on my side right how about carlos i understand
00:39:23
harry i love that package look at how cool this package oh my god harry's is the high level
00:39:29
it's highly it's what clooney probably uses maybe yeah yeah this is harry shave gel it comes in this beautiful little
00:39:34
package they give you this great little box you slide it out and there is your razor box that's the starter kit i've had it can
00:39:40
we shave your back right now on bad friends no come on baby come on let me foam you up yeah i'm not eric griffin now listen
00:39:47
and it comes with this little traffic case which i actually really like you can clip it in this thing uh when you're on the go to shave your face i'm gonna
00:39:54
tell you about the um the first time uh starter kit okay it includes a five blade cartridge yeah a weighted handle
00:40:00
yep foaming shave gel yep and a travel travel cover to protect your blades on the go a 13 value all for only three
00:40:08
dollars do that three dollars come on this is more than three dollars three dollars dude wow that's pretty impressive you get everything you need
00:40:14
for a great shave and nothing but that these other people are gonna overcharge you for gimmicks that you don't need harry's prioritize this simple quality
00:40:20
craftsmanship at a fair price you get everything you need right here in the box and it's not a rip off and they're still going to offer you a no risk trial
00:40:26
which is impressive if you uh don't like your shave no worries it's on them they're going to give you back your money which is ridiculous
00:40:32
just go to harry's.com bad friends today to get your starter set for just three dollars three dollars hey man new look
00:40:39
same incredible offer there's really never been a better time to give harry's a try that's harry's.com bad friends
00:40:45
whoever where would we go in italy if you and i went i would go out to to probably i'd
00:40:51
probably go out to capri the island of capri with you and [ __ ] leave you there
00:40:57
see you know it's so funny take you on the other side of the you got to get over whatever you're doing right now this this anger thing it doesn't suit
00:41:04
you it's all i have it's literally what i'm made of anger i
00:41:09
understand it's my whole [ __ ] thing you tuned me up and you're gonna get it back i didn't do anything yeah really you did
00:41:15
a [ __ ] five minute no you're talking you should have a five minute who gives a [ __ ] no people will give a [ __ ] okay
00:41:21
so keep going then no you care about my opinion yeah you [ __ ] it up your
00:41:27
rhythm [ __ ] it up no i didn't [ __ ] it up yeah you did yeah you and you didn't yes and any of it you [ __ ] it off yeah
00:41:34
yeah i guess and all you're [ __ ] well let's talk about the panda shark
00:41:39
again [Laughter] that was interesting
00:41:46
how you wrapped around the [ __ ] instructor and went back in and you're like oh whoa
00:41:52
reiterate all everything you said good i'm glad you listened yeah yeah it's [ __ ] fascinating all right yeah
00:41:59
[ __ ] i can't get that [ __ ] time back you need it back
00:42:05
you need to get that time back no i loved it no we'll get it back i want to hear it we'll get it i love it
00:42:11
i want to hear it again it's like i want to see top gun again you want to go see it i saw it already
00:42:17
good yeah yeah good we were like we were going to go who you and i remember oh that's right yeah thanks for waiting
00:42:24
are you going to [ __ ] eric's wedding yeah i moved my flight to go to eric griffin's wedding and i'm so happy that he's getting married and i'm gonna go
00:42:30
but here's what i don't like right when you go on the website right it has all those little things of what
00:42:36
they want registry the registry i don't know what that is right but you gotta buy him a
00:42:41
gift not doing it you got to buy them again did you buy them i i don't i didn't buy it yet but you have a year to
00:42:46
do it oh well isn't that the standard is a year yeah you you have a year after the wedding to
00:42:52
give a gift traditionally people do it within like a couple of months that's an american thing it's an american thing what do the standards do you do it on
00:42:58
the the day off or or before well [ __ ] you guys we have [ __ ] going on i like the way italians do it like in the mafia
00:43:05
movies where they just have a bag and envelopes of money money right yeah that's the way you should do it well you can give them money
00:43:11
so if i just give him like 500 bucks that's good yeah is that not enough not enough no i
00:43:16
think that's like a thousand i think you should give a thousand so i'll just give him a thousand i'm not doing the registry thing yeah that's the
00:43:23
one in the same cash is just as good it's yeah it's the same a grand but give it to him in once
00:43:28
of course just to be inconvenient yeah give him stripper ones yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna buy something off the [ __ ]
00:43:33
thing what are you gonna buy whatever's on there's some [ __ ] they probably want like pots and pans or glassware [ __ ] if it's like bracelets like a final
00:43:40
bracelet yeah but the good thing is then you can just buy one of those things and then get it over with i don't want to like get go get cash out or write a
00:43:46
check [ __ ] they're like [ __ ] 1200 or something wait is it really yeah i'm gonna buy the cheapest thing on
00:43:52
there that's what i try to do sheets i was looking for [ __ ] paper towels
00:43:59
like you know soup i think i'm gonna buy them soup a couple of cans of spam yeah
00:44:06
but there's two events i don't like going to weddings one is weddings funerals yeah
00:44:12
they're both like just i love a good funeral some i'd rather go to a funeral actually
00:44:17
i love a good funeral yeah you know what you know what an irish wake is you know what that is no it's a party we get
00:44:22
[ __ ] annihilated we literally drink the whole time where the body's in the room it's funny as [ __ ] really the body's in the casket yeah look at that
00:44:29
and we throw a [ __ ] rager around the body oh i love that we did that for my grandmother we literally [ __ ] part
00:44:34
you party you [ __ ] party like if i was there could i party with your grandma 100 yeah and people and people
00:44:39
like put weed in her mouth and stuff and [ __ ] do rock stars oh do they really no oh that's cool
00:44:46
that's the body i can't touch the body no you don't [ __ ] touch a body but you party around it that's the whole thing
00:44:51
you're celebrating their life while you know what i mean like you're celebrating so people are you know ripping [ __ ] heaters
00:44:57
smoke a little [ __ ] herb chug some booze shotgun a beer do you cry a lot though not really because you're talking to
00:45:02
people you're catching up with people the crying part is that the physical the funeral
00:45:07
uh service but what if it's like you know your 12 year old son got ran over you still party
00:45:13
yeah if he's irish oh really yeah what ran him over what what round that truck
00:45:19
sick yeah yeah but you would still party yeah i don't think you would yeah you'd party really yeah you got a party you
00:45:25
celebrate their life because they're already dead we can't bring them [ __ ] back what are you gonna do hmm this that the irish like to i the
00:45:32
idea is you have to celebrate with the people that are still left and to to toast to the person that's gone
00:45:39
it's a good idea yeah but i don't like looking at the body i don't like that the body's an open casket thing i'm not a huge fan of
00:45:45
that we have you looked at would you look down at mine i'd yes and you know what you know what they do
00:45:51
you go up and people cross out and they say like a prayer and [ __ ] or they stayed they talked to them god i just had a vision of going to your funeral
00:45:58
oh my god it's devastating you think you're you think we'd invite you i would go anywhere and give a [ __ ] we're not gonna tell you where it is
00:46:05
but i'm not gonna you're not gonna have i'm getting cremated i'm not gonna have my body out and about you're not gonna have an open open [ __ ] that you know
00:46:10
what the jews do that i love the jews for this they [ __ ] jews they don't show you the body when it's dead oh i don't want to [ __ ] see it again yeah
00:46:16
i never liked that as a kid when any family member died and you got to see him and like why am i looking at this [ __ ] guy it's a weird like final
00:46:22
image like i don't like it yeah yeah i've never like lost somebody i'm really close to though except for my dad i was
00:46:29
just gonna say you're [ __ ] dead my dad but like in terms of like someone my age or somebody i've you've never lost a
00:46:34
friend well like brody was a friend yeah but not that close huh no i was still close
00:46:39
but he's not like in my top two or three circle
00:46:44
yeah yeah i mean i've like you know like if i lost klyla i've never like something like that
00:46:50
would you throw a party no you wouldn't throw i think i would be devastated if she died yeah i would be
00:46:56
devastated but would it depend on how she dies or it doesn't matter no if she's eating about a panda shark
00:47:02
doing whatever she loves funny joke didn't hear you didn't understand what you were saying
00:47:08
funny joke though what if she's getting what if she's getting like a train run on her by a professional sports team yes
00:47:15
and she dies that way i would go then you'd want to see it yeah okay yeah and she dies getting a train run on her
00:47:21
yeah i just like if somebody's sick for a long time that would be sad and then they die
00:47:26
okay how about this yeah delilah's in a coma let's talk about your sister
00:47:33
how long your sister how long until you pull the plug that's a tough one she's in a coma for
00:47:40
how long and i'm the doctor yeah mr lee hi thank you yeah listen she's been in a coma now for a
00:47:46
week yeah she's showing signs i just unplugged it
00:47:57
well we're trying to conserve a little bit of power yeah yeah solar panels aren't doing a job this year let's move on
00:48:03
all right how long how long how long would i um how long would you give it if the doctor said let's be real
00:48:08
about it so there's brain function she her brain is still firing we predict she could be in a coma for
00:48:14
maybe even another week to a month so we don't really know but well i saw a movie with robert de niro in it
00:48:19
i forgot what it was called but um awakening yeah dude i know what it's called
00:48:28
in the [ __ ] bit [ __ ] face these guys are these guys are invaluable
00:48:34
i know it's awakenings but like you know me for the bit i was not knowing the [ __ ] name
00:48:40
do you understand what i'm saying god bless you you [ __ ] i hope one day a [ __ ] panda shark
00:48:45
eats you man all right so i would probably
00:48:51
what about your sister how long oh man you can't you can't answer this question
00:48:57
i would probably it depends on what she wanted right i think she would want it us to unplug her if she never clarified
00:49:03
because no one said this i've never had this conversation i would just be like because of the movie awakening
00:49:10
[Laughter] how long yeah i'm gonna keep it as long
00:49:15
as the brain's functioning when the brain's dead i'm gonna unplug then you'll unplug yeah
00:49:22
what about your sister now how long would i keep my sister alive yeah
00:49:27
brain's functioning a couple hours it depends i have to go somewhere not be
00:49:34
real how long would i keep my family alive yeah unless they said they want to be taken off i would just keep them on forever yeah me too but then you think
00:49:41
what if they're miserable what if like if they're trapped in like this purgatory hell of like half awake
00:49:47
can't funk that's crazy nightmare well that's what i'm saying that's what you we know and they're in the program like you won't unplug me and we don't know
00:49:53
that they can't die like you don't know that they're you know what i mean we don't know what their movement is or their cognitive thinking is still like
00:49:59
firing enough to have them be conscious trapped in a place where they you never had a dream where you can't breathe or you can't speak or you can't run oh my
00:50:05
god when you're getting chased by something what if they're having that and you're running so
00:50:10
slow yeah and then i just stop i just go eat me you colitis told me a story about a girl
00:50:18
she was in social coma or something and they thought that she was brain dead or whatever but she was trapped in her mind
00:50:23
right and then they figured it away i don't know exactly what it was a way to communicate and she they were able to
00:50:28
and she was like i've been trying to talk to you guys forever you're i mean see that's what i mean but
00:50:34
i you know for years i've been in like watching you guys not being able to
00:50:39
say anything right just like that would [ __ ] me up right and now she can communicate i don't know how she does it but like yeah
00:50:46
she with her like with her mouth the keyboard you know that thing with their eyes oh their tongue i don't know
00:50:53
that'd be cool that'd be a cool thing a tongue thing clean my [ __ ]
00:50:58
right but if i if you if i had the tongue thing
00:51:04
and the keyboard was i heard i put my dick right on the keyboard yeah you would [Laughter]
00:51:16
let me tell you something if you were on a call if you were in a coma state like that my friend i would stay with you for the until the very end no you know you
00:51:22
would i would keep you alive and i said yes i would i would do everything in my power to keep you alive
00:51:27
well they said i'm in a coma with my eyes open your choice oh so can you if somebody's in a coma i
00:51:34
don't i don't know why i'm doing this with my hand all right yeah i would probably do that call my hands [Laughter]
00:51:40
like i'm a squirrel yeah yeah so i'm in a coma right can you open my eyes
00:51:46
we could open the lids of your eyes would it stay open like this no or
00:51:51
oh oh i would just close it back down yeah okay but i would keep you alive wow
00:51:57
no no i'm saying i wouldn't i would make sure they don't they don't unplug because steve would be like i don't know man maybe we should unplug them you know
00:52:03
steve would run on play yeah because he knows my will uh-huh yeah he'd want you on camera he knows my
00:52:09
will yeah yeah so and i'd keep you alive i'd say we can't unplug them we have to keep bobby like this but i i honestly dude and this is the honest truth and
00:52:15
i'm not doing this for comedy sake right okay well number one i think that you would visit me more
00:52:21
than anyone else i really i would but probably once a year no that's insane there's no way you
00:52:27
would if i knew you were i'm just saying this right now you would never visit me i would i would not more than i would
00:52:33
visit you yeah we would you know what we'd have we would have you we would ship your body to the big island
00:52:40
that's where you left hawaii yeah that had me swim with sharks yeah yeah yeah and we would be right
00:52:46
there right yeah and then have an aquarium around you yeah yeah with [ __ ] panda sharks yes right yes and
00:52:52
that same guy the [ __ ] luau guy for being a bad friend he's gonna be there yes right just with the torch all the
00:52:57
people that i love all the people you love and the torch right and a big ban on what hawaii means
00:53:03
whatever i don't forget what it was but we'll look it up breath breath breath breath breath water light yeah
00:53:09
that would be tattooed on your face sick yeah i would do that tattoo that right on your face dude i would keep you alive
00:53:14
yeah where would you put me and i would always say and i would say to the um i would say to the doctor or the nurse
00:53:20
and i'd be friendly with them and i would bring them stuff snacks chocolate wine you know i'd butter them up yeah and i'd like can i have a moment in the
00:53:26
room alone with him and they would go absolutely yeah and i'd be a little sweet i'd pretend to be sweet and every
00:53:32
single day i'd visit you every single day yeah i would visit you every day once a day okay and i would put
00:53:38
something in your [ __ ] every day what anything anything i could find it would collect slowly but surely
00:53:44
over time right i'd start with something small like what a sharpie okay a sharpie i'd throw a sharpie in there would to
00:53:50
freak you out though is if you stuck a sharpie in my butthole and all these things right the next day came in and
00:53:56
they were in my mouth [Laughter] would that freak you out i would wink at the doctor
00:54:01
because he knows no you did it i don't know we it's a mystery that will freak you out it just ends up somewhere imagine if i go two
00:54:08
sharpies in my nose if i'm talking to you if i'm like bobby it's good to see you i've got to go soon and then you just go and a
00:54:15
sharpie just comes right out of your mouth yeah yeah yeah from your butt and i gotta [Laughter]
00:54:24
yeah i would visit you i would visit you a lot yeah and i'll visit you once a year yeah yeah that's what i'm saying i'd visit you way more than you'd visit
00:54:29
me i don't know we'll see this is it's a contest i hope we never do
00:54:34
it's a contest i hope that never happens it never happens yeah yeah let me ask you this like so if let's say eric griffin was in a coma
00:54:42
pull the plug no no oh no no no no keep him alive yeah keep him alive how many times do you
00:54:47
visit him i think once is good twice i think wants to say i miss you i
00:54:53
love you yeah if you get out we'll see you yeah if not yeah
00:55:00
i want there's not a lot of room in the in the room
00:55:08
hey buddy excuse me it's so [ __ ] mean so mean
00:55:15
it's so great i love them why are we even talking about this comas and stuff well because that thing i don't know i don't even
00:55:21
know how our brains got that way yeah well the [ __ ] box that was so depressing i saw rudy post a picture of
00:55:27
herself in the philippines in like a little lake or some [ __ ] like that with her mom
00:55:32
well she was like swimming in a bay or something like that yeah she looks like she's having fun i hope rudy likes where she is because she's not coming i know i
00:55:38
called um i called them you called ins yeah yeah and i said that she can't come back she can't come back she's illegal she's
00:55:44
illegal and i don't think she i don't think she wants to what if she doesn't want to come back i've thought about that because if
00:55:50
another pandemic had because you can't what i mean if if something if there's another there's monkey boxes on its way
00:55:56
i know do you know there's not like 30 how many people have monkey pox right now yeah but you can only get that it's hard to get what do you mean it's hard
00:56:01
to get you need the anal sex to get it okay so i'm a candidate yeah i'm not
00:56:06
the second case was found today in california oh cases it's hard to get it's here
00:56:12
it's one guy it's here look at that look at all the states it's in it says one right now that hasn't been uh yeah it's
00:56:18
been around for three or four months one guy has it dude eight cases pretty tight where do we have the most cases in the
00:56:24
country yeah no i thought new york was higher york has nine ah they got us by one yeah well i'm going to new york
00:56:30
maybe i can bring it back i'd love to try it out what does it look like on your skin little bubbly i don't like it the little
00:56:36
bubbly bubbles oh because so it could really it's actually you'd hate to have it yeah so should i get it
00:56:41
i don't want bubbly bubbles it sounds like something i'm purchasing off amazon should i buy it look at that you want that that's monkey box
00:56:47
yeah yeah that looks that looks like burns like blister burns yeah yeah how do you get monkey pox
00:56:54
anal anal sex is that the only way with a monkey you have to [ __ ] a monkey get the [ __ ] yeah how do you catch monkey
00:57:00
pox it's a cool name it's a real zoom in up top monkey pox can be caught from infected
00:57:06
rodents such as rats mice and squirrels so whatever i'm going to eat in new york yeah
00:57:11
in parts of west and central africa you can catch monkey box from infected animal if if you're bitten or you touch
00:57:16
its blood body fluids spots blisters or scabs yeah why do they call covet panda
00:57:21
pox panda pox yeah it wouldn't be cooler panda pox yeah i got panda pog it's just
00:57:26
a seamless covid cove it sounds mean mean panda pox sounds fun fun look at
00:57:32
that though you can get it from touching so it's either close contact with infected skin so someone else bedding
00:57:37
clothing so if i sleep in like a shady motel i might be able to get it yeah yeah or just playing with the animal
00:57:42
blood yeah so if you're just out there well you know i love playing with animal blood
00:57:48
people in new york who did it yeah well obviously it's someone someone had something a rat had either you know what
00:57:53
i mean but if ebola ebola i want to have ebola let's get you
00:58:00
some ebola because if i got ebola and survived it that's a bragging right you might
00:58:06
how about this though look up the size by the way i saw an article the other day about the size of the the rats in new york now all right like the amount
00:58:13
and the size are at an all-time high it's gotten out of control they're literally doing one of these uh uh they sent out like a [ __ ]
00:58:20
what is this new york city rats of the norway red brown the average rat is 16 000 weight of one pound can grow up to
00:58:25
20 inches and weigh two pounds but there was like this thing i just saw an article on twitter that was like they're calling not for a state of emergency but
00:58:31
for for new york to finally like they have to actually do something about it it's getting out of [ __ ] let me see a photo of one
00:58:39
but it's nothing like the filipino bat no it's not have you seen that yes we've showed it on this show yeah look at the
00:58:45
size that's a [ __ ] that looks like my dog that's my dog yeah that's like a little chihuahua it's the same size as
00:58:51
my dog look at how big oh my god zoom in on that one that's a foot locker in the bronx
00:58:57
it's a foot locker yeah yeah he back well he didn't know jordans were getting released that day so he was just gonna drop yeah
00:59:03
[Laughter]
00:59:12
guinea pigs bigger bigger yeah what is that one and a half pound rodent
00:59:19
caught in new york lately these are the big ones uh andrew's talking about my god
00:59:24
because they can eat them of course they do how do you think monkey pox got spread pox baby yeah
00:59:30
that's oh there's a guy holding one no no way no like a raccoon that's not a rat that's
00:59:38
not a rat that's a raccoon or a porcupine it looks like
00:59:43
massive rat in london oh yeah but that's you know london yeah there they love their rats out
00:59:48
there that's out there you can make fun of me again for hawaii but [ __ ] me on the way back do we hit such bad turbulence that there is that moment
00:59:54
where you're like i'm over the [ __ ] ocean i'm over the [ __ ] ocean yeah and it was sketch
01:00:00
would you but would you sketch but would you rather land in the ocean or in a mountainous region like colorado
01:00:07
well i would rather land like in the flats of any [ __ ] place there's a lot of most of the country is flat as [ __ ]
01:00:13
i know but if you if if a plane went down though i'd rather go water no no in the middle of the [ __ ] ocean at night
01:00:19
[ __ ] off no chance oh it float on dead bodies no you're not you're not floating i mean well you're quite buoyant but i
01:00:24
don't think i i would survive do you know if i if i survived the landing
01:00:30
if a plane crashed if i survived the landing you're never gonna you wouldn't survive the lane because i would do the opposite of what you're supposed to do
01:00:36
yeah everyone's supposed to do this right yeah i would just do i would stand and do something opposite because i know that
01:00:41
doesn't work and i will live i'm alive
01:00:47
right so you're the only one that lives like this right and everyone's gonna be like this i'm gonna be like this
01:00:53
you crash in the ocean right the chances of it landing swimming it's dark yeah
01:00:58
i'm swimming here comes a panda shark all right and i go and it swims around me and it goes right back into his cage
01:01:05
yeah it goes right back in this game right and that guy is like yeah so what i would do is i would find other things that would float
01:01:11
what parts of the plane yeah parts of the plane together right you mean or you know a large man the wing or a wing
01:01:18
right and i'd float on that for a while and then people would try to get on it and i would do like get mine
01:01:24
yummy yeah you know i mean i would that's my wrath you would fight people off of it
01:01:29
yeah you would your if someone's like there's plenty of room can i get out no no no please no i would be collecting like
01:01:36
like cokes and different things to survive i'm in survival mode you're in survival mode yeah
01:01:41
but what about then you see like a chubby guy and you're like i could eat this guy at some point oh you got to eat something you know
01:01:48
what i would do no i would wait for him to die first oh [ __ ] i would be on the no i'd be on the wing right and i would
01:01:54
i am i would i am keep your eye on that guy yeah keep in mind he's dead and that would swim over to him right
01:02:01
and then eat him right he's not getting on the [ __ ] round you're not gonna let him on if it's a hot chick
01:02:07
i'd let him on do you think you would survive for real anything like that i really do how long though a day two days
01:02:13
i know that i have probably a 24 hour window and i'll die yeah one type of thing one full day and i believe that if
01:02:19
the plane went down don't they have like little beepers is it like a black box or like a little
01:02:24
like well the black box records what's going on isn't there a thing like a raid or something that they're they can locate i
01:02:29
don't figure this out all right so gps yeah not gps right i'm pretty sure
01:02:37
they'll be like we lost we lost the flight pattern in this area right so we think you know
01:02:45
scientists or whatever they have right yeah probably it'll be like you know this is the general 30 mile radius
01:02:52
that we think the plane went down sure right they would probably zip over with their planes yeah right the little buddy
01:02:58
holly ones
01:03:05
so they would probably zip right and i would have on my thing i would have help but small
01:03:11
written small help because it's on the i don't have a lot of space where how are you where are you going to sit are you the h i'll probably use i'd probably use
01:03:18
yeah i'll be with the h i think i could do a p can i tell you something yeah you'd be the you'd be the bubble of the pea
01:03:25
stomach right so i put chestnuts if they're chestnuts no the
01:03:31
would be the h-e-l i would be the p right i'd have half of a dead uh fat man
01:03:37
can you imagine you to the side like this and then with your stomach they're like help
01:03:43
that beep down there help that's what i would do i guess they don't need help right and um
01:03:49
you would never survive and i'm and i mean this genuinely okay let me ask you this if you and i were you think you would survive more than me a hundred
01:03:56
percent talked about these [ __ ] pieces we're talking about this get this get us on naked and [ __ ] afraid and i've guaranteed you always that really pisses me off i'll last longer than you
01:04:04
did that's there's no way to know that yeah there is just sheer athleticism and grit and but it's my will to live
01:04:11
i have a will to live not when you're in that kind of situation you don't i do i do i do you know okay first of all yeah
01:04:17
i come from this kind of stock they saved my son look up red-headed boy found in woods they saved my son literally two days ago it's been all
01:04:24
over the paper and they found this boy they found this boy little missing boy in montana the first article first article go back look
01:04:30
at the picture of this tell me this isn't me that is you that's my son that's your
01:04:35
son i found my son and where'd he where was he he was lost in the woods in montana we let that kid outside for five minutes he [ __ ] disappeared how long
01:04:42
was he in the lost words for i think it was like two days dude i think that kid's dead dude
01:04:47
what's really weird about it he had a bloody nose which i think is like how did you get a bloody [ __ ] nose he returned home safely go down return home
01:04:54
safely uh after spending two days outdoors on his own in the [ __ ] woods in montana this kid's a soldier would i be able to
01:05:00
do that no no way as a grown adult you don't think i'd be able to do nope oh yeah 100 percent montana now i want to leave you in the
01:05:06
[ __ ] woods so bad do it no because then they'll lose you no i want to prove a point you'll never live
01:05:12
dude you'll die two days yep so fast so fast you'll die it'd be a terrible
01:05:17
two days i'll tell you that you'd be attacked by something immediately it'd be a terrible two days can you imagine
01:05:22
[ __ ] like that go find a person in the woods they had drones it's not as hard as it used to be
01:05:29
just let me know are you saying that or do they say that no i'm saying that because i don't think you saw that they had
01:05:34
drones and atvs as well yeah but okay i mean drones help they got to help a little bit yeah yeah
01:05:42
yeah but also like when gandalf was on the tower and without that moth if he only had a moth
01:05:48
drone yeah that moth and then got the eagle right that he would have never escaped i guess that was the drone of that world
01:05:54
yeah [Laughter]
01:06:00
well let me tell you something yeah thank you for being a bad friend [Music]
01:06:07
[ __ ] anyway [ __ ] anything i swam with sharks and you
01:06:13
on the [ __ ] island
01:06:21
at least i went out and did something and here was you filming a [ __ ] and they put it on [ __ ] tv
01:06:29
all right why are you so angry dude you attacked me oh i'm sorry i was having fun
01:06:39
[Music]
