00:00:00
pressure on it like we got to start out strong we let's let's start off weak okay let's start off very we then can I
00:00:05
say something oh God you want to open the show oh yeah no I just want to ask you a question okay I love question go
00:00:11
ahead yeah I didn't know you were on the same list as OJ Simpson you made a list this past weekend you and OJ Simpson share I know but we can't talk about leg legally they
00:00:23
told me oh what do you mean well we start a week okay all right so you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian
00:00:36
dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends I'm sorry let's move on to something else oh it's Bullit it brings up so much bull oh just
00:00:50
bring up all my trauma I mean yeah let's talk about how my dad beat me again god
00:00:55
well let's talk about let's talk about what who's in the studio today it's John Stone John Stony John Stony John and
00:01:02
he's here uh joint John John the joint man he's here because Carlos and mcon both got the flu in Vegas and when Asians get high they their eyes are completely closed it's unbelievable you know how do you drive like how do you do
00:01:15
that oh my God a stone stone AG driving better more focused WID screen a stoned Asian driving no
00:01:21
thanks yeah that's a pass for me I love Stony Asians you drive better but dude have you ever seen a meth Asian they clip the out of bonsai trees do they oh my God better than Mr Miyagi
00:01:36
way better really yeah you don't know that is that fact I'm not around a lot of meth AG yeah yeah oh dude imagine if
00:01:41
you had meth back in the samurai days wow one Samurai just gone crazy he make a sword in like five minutes you know it used to take them forever to like five minutes yeah five yeah a sword yeah he
00:01:54
would cut himself right it would turn a scab and then he would just pull it out and eat it because meth people okay and
00:02:00
meth people also can I say something about uh any was there a meth back then I don't know when was crystal meth
00:02:07
invented well I mean look we had to have some form of this there had to been some form floating around right yeah Chris
00:02:15
well there methamphetamine has probably been around for a long time that that chemical makeup of methamphetamine it's
00:02:20
all science isn't that it's all science yeah I you know if I had a time machine I would take fentanyl h no just hear me
00:02:28
out loads of it what era are you going back to the 17th century you're gonna go back to the 17th century when is that is that far is that far that's us what do you mean how far when is it I mean there
00:02:40
was America was still around right no there wasn't Declaration of Independence that's 1800s right no 1776 1776 I come I
00:02:48
go 1776 what what wait an as Korean guy with a bag of fentanyl but what from a Time mag what what century is 1776 the
00:02:56
17th century did you go no it's not is it 20th century 18th century it's just one more up 20th 19th century it's the 18 you already said it 18th oh 1876 18th
00:03:10
century am I bad in 1776 you're going back to you said 1776 that's 17th century no no okay my bad CU Z to 99 is
00:03:18
one history man let me that's not history that's math anyway I show up whatever I I time no shut up time
00:03:26
machines have a button yeah so I go 1 7 7 six right I'm sorry your fingers are too fat for the machine no and I go go
00:03:36
get the um you know what I mean flux capacitor right to Marty yeah Marty runs up okay okay boss okay boss right stick it in there get the electric electricity is it is it raining yet right it's got
00:03:50
to rain right got to rain right I got to bring it to 80 right put the fennel in the fennel is in now I'm right 1776 and I'm in
00:04:01
Bakersfield doesn't exist yet I know but I'm there well it's okay it's you and natives then exactly I get them hooked
00:04:07
first oh dude you're doing what we did last time yeah doing it again but I'll hook am I going to get in trouble for saying this hook does repeat itself it does yeah I'm not giving them small pox
00:04:19
something way worse yeah yeah yeah F no oh that's true no I should go east coast
00:04:25
Boston Boston okay stay in okay Boston the Tea Party the tea part dude tea and fentel we don't even know what that combo does that's a great they should be a
00:04:37
[ __ ] little shop in France that shows that has Fentanyl and tea anyway my point is you like a tea with your
00:04:44
fentanyl yeah have green tea with your Fentanyl and then you would make a killing because they've never heard of opiates yeah but money is worthless then
00:04:51
it's worth less than yeah but you get like gold teeth oh you could get gold they trade right gold tee The Wooden Leg
00:04:57
uh-huh I'll take you want some fentel give me your gold tooth wooden leg and one of those feathery pens you can get
00:05:04
those anywhere I know but from if you if you went to a bank back then did their pens attached chains have feathers on
00:05:10
them still that'd be so funny if you stole one of the feathery pens yeah yeah so
00:05:15
that's not your feathery pen be interesting that belongs to the bank yeah yeah yeah you know what I thought about I would go back in time with
00:05:22
heavily Heavy Artillery like real guns real guns before they had it back to the Gold Rush days and just Rob everybody
00:05:28
they had guns there yeah not like I'm we have I we have [ __ ] I could have an AR-15 I could have a
00:05:35
bazooka yeah give us your gold give us your gold load it right think about it dude if we if we could go back and Rob anything or anywhere I mean obviously you'd want to
00:05:48
Rob Fort Knox right that's the ultimate goal do you know what that is of course I know what Fort Knox is what century is
00:05:55
that one in we still have it that's right what is it it's where they put the money that's where they put the gold the
00:06:00
gold bars and we know that's not true it's not true but that's in folklore that's where they keep alien bodies in my opinion I think Fork KNX is filled
00:06:07
with uh top secret [ __ ] we're not supposed to get to yeah because they everyone thinks it's an Area 51 no thank
00:06:13
you I think it's Studio 76 Studio Studio City Studio 76 stud 54 no Studio 54 Studio 54 is it Studio 54 where they have the [ __ ] aliens yeah no is it is it was
00:06:25
it no what is it oh I always oh my god I've told I've used Studio 54 4 in reference to aliens before in conversations thinking it's
00:06:38
the same thing and people have been looking I remember go people going what what what are you talking about I I'm
00:06:44
telling you it's in Arizona they go in New York they should have opened up a Studio 51 in Area
00:06:49
51 a coked out nightclub to see aliens dude look at this guy look at this guy's arms
00:06:55
yeah you know I saw the other day on Tik Tok too by the way someone was dis in how we think dinosaurs look a certain
00:07:03
way and she was like I'm a biologist and she was like this doesn't even make sense the way that they've thought dinosaurs look or the way we draw them it's basically skin on bone she's like
00:07:15
that's not that you have there's tons of cartilage and fat and all sorts of stuff and muscle she was like a dinosaur is
00:07:22
basically the shape of the bone structure with a little bit of um you know outlining she goes but look at your
00:07:28
nose if you remove your nose from your face it's a [ __ ] hole so this is just all cartilage but they didn't account
00:07:34
for like random pieces of things sticking off of the dinosaur so she's like they didn't look anything like that
00:07:39
oh what you're saying is like we've just guessed what we think that she they have B nooses is that what what did you just
00:07:45
say do they have big noses there's Jewish dinosaurs there was there was you know we'll be extinct someday and how do they hold the
00:07:57
money little hands can we get in trouble can we get in trouble you can yeah we get got cut out yes no Stacy's Jewish do you approve are
00:08:11
you Jewish Stacy I am you approve she approves she approves see yeah it's all in good fun it's all in good fun yeah
00:08:17
look if there was Asian dinosaurs let's do that then if you want to go down the line oh what do you mean
00:08:25
Aurora yeah dude by the way an Asian just asan dinosaur is so funny to me that's such a funny and their and their nails are immaculate yeah so
00:08:38
nice the Vietnamese did this all for me when they swipe the prey and they're in their hands they're like wow yeah beautiful nails wow Asian dinosaurs we
00:08:50
lost a couple of our employees over the weekend in Vegas getting too sick these guys stayed all all night you should see
00:08:55
we got them pass us to the chain smokers Mone was up next to the stage he was wearing a mechanics uniform by the way
00:09:01
they let him into a nightclub he's wearing a mechanics onesie like a one zip up M was yeah you know I didn't even
00:09:07
know that and Carlos was a good boy I didn't know that was even a chain smoker thing the chain smokers in Vegas you did
00:09:13
know we were going to see the chains smokers we literally said it 50 times no everyone in the room has proof I was in
00:09:18
my hotel room no dude you were in the room with sheam matash and what's uh what's the other gentleman's name that you brought oh my go that was a n okay
00:09:25
so I'm going to just say something I apologize for May I apologize for something [ __ ]
00:09:32
please so first of all Vegas great show in fact I mean I don't think the MGM liked me but we can we can't wait to go back to the MGM you can't you can't
00:09:45
wait I can't wait yeah yeah I can't go you have to wait I have to wait so um so you know afterwards it's our last us show you know what I mean we may do more in the future 59 cities is what I think
00:09:58
they tallied up 59 CI is crazy great show afterwards everyone came out I had some friends from Vegas sha TSH who's a
00:10:05
comedian who I used to room with in La 30 years ago you know what I mean she came by she was rad so nice yeah she
00:10:11
opens for katop she's a great impressionist my point being is is this okay you have your family there we have
00:10:18
also you know who I love the the [ __ ] watchmakers family Christine I talked to her for like 20 minutes well she's not a
00:10:23
watchmaker she sells them just call her a watch maker it it makes it it makes it better watch maker watch make her make
00:10:30
me a watch I feel like she has one of those little things and she's in there well they definitely have one of those things okay okay what are those little
00:10:36
things like that they you know what they're called what drop glops so was a drop glop yeah mhm anyway families kids
00:10:44
running around it beautiful right yeah but then a week before Paul was like d my friend wants to go Paulie hit you up yeah and I go all right who's your
00:10:55
friend I can't right beautiful woman so I got I'll get her backstage right no you got her backstage I got her backstage so as soon as I I she's a nice
00:11:08
lady she was very nice very nice lady but she did something where she was like I'm I'm going to get a k from I'm going to I know I'm she has a number I'm going to hear well let's hear it now she was just like who does
00:11:19
this cocaine anyone well that's actually really polite oh that's true I mean it's
00:11:25
but off of your finger fingernail or finger was it her fingernail or finger it was almost her finger was so sweaty
00:11:31
it was like blotched on oh wow like it was surrounded her pinky she wait a couple of minutes she's like crack
00:11:37
anybody solidifies yeah yeah and people are like oh no thanks like I've never I don't know have you been offered cocaine before yeah what the [ __ ] I've never been offered cocaine I because maybe I'm Sober Sober oh that's right I mean I
00:11:49
don't do cocaine everyone who knows me knows that but I wouldn't I've been offered it still from people when's the
00:11:54
last time you did cocaine I've never done cocaine do you not know this my father went to prison because he into
00:11:59
into cocaine addiction one time you I mean known me for 15 years you have to be curious I've never done cocaine well
00:12:05
my dad liked this though maybe I like it you know I met him he's a great guy you did when did you oh in Chicago Chicago
00:12:10
yeah great guy no no he loved cocaine he loved the he loved it you've never done anything white in your nose except for
00:12:16
women oh uh in my nose in my nose yeah I don't think I've ever snorted anything I think I mean I've eaten I mean pills and all that [ __ ] would you you never smoke crack
00:12:30
that's not snorting I don't think I've smoked crack no I'm thinking about it well do you think I'll tell you what I did one time
00:12:37
like a [ __ ] [ __ ] what you know uh the hookas you know uh smok and hookah you know how they put like the charcoal
00:12:42
thing on there what one time I smoked some of that like the dumbest I was like 17 years old I think I smoke I think I
00:12:48
smoked the charcoal nugget so bad we didn't know how to use it what I'm not a desert
00:12:55
dude so I I just want to say I had to try to get her it was very polite of her to offer cocaine I do think if you're at
00:13:01
a party and you have cocaine you should offer it you do you're supposed to it's a party it's a party drug yeah it's not
00:13:06
a solo drug I think but you know being a sober guy I just can't hook up with KY Coke people heroin feels like a a solo
00:13:13
drug also she was said if she went anybody want to tie off I've never that yeah that would be crazy that' be out of pocket would you hold the Rope if she was like you hold this if she was hot like super hot hold the rope and I knew
00:13:25
I was going to get some action Hold the Line I'd hold the Rope I don't think you should hook up with anybody who is currently using no clearly to me I don't
00:13:33
you're saying that to me yes who else am I talking to what why don't I think you should hook up with someone who's
00:13:38
currently using drugs no why not it's a it's detrimental to your to you in the program well people drink on me I don't
00:13:44
care people barely drink around you in fact we don't drink around you much I don't almost ever drink around you ever
00:13:49
well you should because I it doesn't affect me yeah but I do it out of respect because I don't and I also don't need to enough to do it in front of you
00:13:55
I don't care dude I dated a girl a month ago she goes can I smoke weed in your go smoke yeah I don't know why you I don't
00:14:01
give a [ __ ] no you should not yeah yeah you're hot go smoke my friend Joey no don't smoke I'm sober hot chick SM do do
00:14:08
whatever you want you know what I mean I don't care so funny if you pulled over made her smoke weed outside then get back in get out then get in I don't think you
00:14:15
should dated people that are using drugs actively okay that's just my opinion I might be wrong what would the program
00:14:21
say the program doesn't there's nothing in the program that says that is there something in the program that says in the first year or so to not date someone
00:14:27
in the program isn't that a whole thing in the program well it's not in the book but it's it's kind of like one of those
00:14:34
they say do not get in a relationship within the first year of sobriety any relationship well that
00:14:39
makes sense yeah yeah you know I mean so it's like you wait 12 months and then you can dabble you can dabble and um
00:14:47
like if I was a um if I had a spony who's sober new sober and I said um he goes can I date I go yeah and then at 12 months I would probably go but no no one in the progr program probably that's a
00:15:01
healthy thing I think no you see a lot of it work but it's like the worst is when you're dating somebody and you fall
00:15:07
in love in the program and the next thing you know you find that they relapsed oh right what do you do you
00:15:14
relap no no you party time no you it's hard man you have to first because it's a disease so you can't just go I'm out you got to go can we figure this out do you need to go somewhere you want to
00:15:27
help them because I can't live you know what I mean like this I can't cuz then you become an enabler yeah and that's a
00:15:33
completely different program you know so it's like I think you would do like a little intervention and then uh I think
00:15:38
a lot of people I've known in my life who have gone through that have had that predicament where they have to they're put in a position where someone that
00:15:44
they're in love with or friends with her family that they're using and they used to use and then they have to walk them slowly back to not using but then you
00:15:51
compromise your own Safety and Security but that's a that is a cool thing to do yeah but it's also very dangerous for
00:15:58
you yeah Ergo I don't don't think you should be dating anybody who's currently using
00:16:06
Ergo what go AO you shouldn't I'm making a good point you're H what AO AO it's the new airbud movie it's with uh no what is it I've never literally never heard of that you have seen The Matrix
00:16:19
Argo Argo okay what does it mean though do you know what Argo means there four it means therefore four it's like be and and and and to rap and to summarize wow wow I know I was an English minor you
00:16:32
were yeah you're good with words no I'm l i i I'm literally honestly dude I really got stuck on arago yeah I saw your face yeah
00:16:44
I once you said that it put me into a completely different panic I think you thought it was from Star Trek Deep Space
00:16:50
yeah I was thinking where have I heard that before but then like in the context of what you said I'm trying to figure
00:16:56
out why that you're like what episode did Argo pop in yeah yeah he on there go yeah exactly okay you learn something
00:17:03
new every day Hospitality you know what that is I feel like I two weeks I found out you just
00:17:10
learned what Hospitality means it has to do with hospitals you know what I mean no it doesn't have to do with hos I know
00:17:16
I KN I know that I know that now I know that now but I never bothered to memorize the word Hospitality because of
00:17:21
the fact that like I 52 years old can I how about so when I say the phrase hospo what what do you think I was talking about like whenever I I it's like Argo I just kind of let it go you
00:17:33
let it go all these years it's like if someone says base balio you know what I mean like I was being basbo right and you're and your mind you're like has something to do with baseball so I'm not going to memorize that but it's not at
00:17:45
all to be bispo seems to be rude to someone below you right right I I know that now do not
00:17:51
bispo someone I will not be SPO you know what I mean but like Hospitality was one of those where I just you know because
00:17:57
the word hospitals in it oh I'm not a nurse I don't need to memorize that word but then when I once I figure it out
00:18:03
right I'm like oh it's it's it's a part of you mean my you know what I mean wheelhouse words now I can use it's so
00:18:10
funny that that he goes on a date with a nurse and he's like so you work in hospitality and she's I know that's what
00:18:17
I would kind of not really but kind of I know that's what I honestly that's what I but but a nurse does work in
00:18:23
Hospitality in a way right like Andreas is his wife Works kind of and I by the way I ran into them having lunch yeah cutest [ __ ] on Earth who him and his wife yeah his wife is [ __ ] beautiful
00:18:37
smart and sweet and cool and she [ __ ] that guy yeah I know it shocks my soul yeah when I see her it almost makes me mad well actually makes me believe in God cuz something else has to be going
00:18:49
on well no I think here's what it is and and I don't know much about their relationship but this is what happened
00:18:56
your wife beautiful woman you know he asked you know asked her to be in his movie in Spain too by the way I know he won't let it go okay yeah we're not
00:19:02
doing it but my point is your wife let me just guess mhm through her years she dated hot dudes there she just let me finish I'm
00:19:14
sure she had are you projecting whoa he's starting a war be careful buddy let me ask you something do you want me in your movie for I didn't say anything what say
00:19:29
my my wife dat did hot dudes yeah okay and these hot dudes [ __ ] her over I mean she went under their messages you mean there's [ __ ] messages from [ __ ] a lot of pro athletes right right you mean there's a
00:19:43
you a lot going on her heart's broken year after year probably 80 dudes yeah you I mean over the years thepp broken
00:19:51
the entire Clipper team the Clipper team and Clipper girls right and then she she goes to therapy or something and the
00:19:57
therapist well why don't you just go low Go real low yeah go real low she she like how low and they go did you see the new um JJ Abrams Star Wars what so funny
00:20:10
mhm you know I mean and she's like I guess I should I ran it and she no no I'm just going to tell there is an
00:20:15
animal in there called the pork and they're these flying birds and Chewbacca eats one yeah right there are some
00:20:22
humans with that body and scientifically they don't get you know mean they don't [ __ ] people over right so because Maria
00:20:29
por Maria por that she did she finds what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing dude I'm I'm doing a show right now I'm looking for the TV's off anyway the TV's off you
00:20:43
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pound 529 from yourself this the advertisement I'll tell you speaking of going and low yeah today I saw a bassed Hound must have been how old was that
00:23:25
bassed Hound do we think what do we say maybe 15 how old do they live I don't even know but it was so old but he kept
00:23:31
his balls in the Basset Hound cuz you know how they're low to the ground they're long but low his balls were literally dragging on like Joey
00:23:38
Diaz they were dragging yeah [ __ ] shcker [ __ ] shcker goad they were dragging on the ground I'm not even kidding they swayed back and forth and they were hitting the concrete you like that I thought it was cool Co I think
00:23:51
it's cool that he kept the balls of the dog because I will say this a biggest one of the biggest regrets in my life
00:23:56
I'm not kidding is that we um we we we uh oh no we nipped up our dog I wish that she could have puppies and I'm bummed that we did I wish we let her have puppies you can
00:24:09
reverse it no you can't they can do it with men mhm it's not the oh that's dog it's not aice sectomy oh it's a woman yeah man okay my bad you know it's a woman a little tiny strong black woman
00:24:21
yeah black woman that's right I in my house I have a little tiny hairy strong black woman so she can't have babies
00:24:27
mm-m that's what I say when I ask her all right I say cubby can you have baby she goes not after what you did yeah yeah
00:24:35
but if you can reverse it what do you do you better get you better get away from me with that [ __ ] that's what she said you go to a dog park and and just go go
00:24:41
go go no here's some a beautiful like little well first all I put her in a little dress yeah yeah I I I give her a
00:24:48
little bit of smell good perum and she walks on little doggy heels yeah yeah yeah and then I I set her up we find
00:24:54
someone we do we find another dog that's applicable yeah no I wish we did be able to get her puppies it kind of bums me
00:25:00
out I I like to this day I'm like why did we [ __ ] do that well let me say something why didn't want her to get her doggy period I get one thing better than
00:25:06
you h both for you I mean I mean you get so Chinese in these moment ARO ARO ARO ARO Hospitality Hospitality um guess what guy what don't
00:25:19
do this well speed it up I will clone you know the Clone how much does the Clone cost cuz we talked about this you can do it now I can clone my dog for like what how much is it5 15 grand now
00:25:29
wow clone dude should we do it I mean I honestly let's let's do an experiment to
00:25:35
see if it works to clone one of our dogs yeah I would 100% be into it what do you
00:25:40
guys think let's clone a dog it costs $50,000 5 dude what happened to your voice Barry White what the [ __ ] it cost 50,000 why is your voice like that I
00:25:52
just had flame in my throat okay okay clear your throat right now all right now say how much it cost $50,000
00:25:59
yeah yeah will you say it like an Asian guy though please $50,000 no they wouldn't say dollars
00:26:05
would they what would they say dollar yeah yeah dollar $50,000 thank you 50 Grand that's still that's a lot of
00:26:12
[ __ ] money dude 50 Grand that's a [ __ ] car I know but this is what I would do what what and 35 Grand it says
00:26:20
uh cat for cats this is what we're going to do we do one spe this is a couple months down the road we do one special night at the Irvine Improv mhm we do two shows on a Sunday you and I and is
00:26:32
Charity all for our dogs to to clone one dog okay I think we can make it up then
00:26:38
I mean and then we we clone it so we have people donate during the show not the ticket sales but donate no the
00:26:45
ticket sales goes toward it okay so we ask the club for all the ticket sales because it's going to go towards the dog dog the clothing of a dog good idea yeah
00:26:51
I think it's a great idea are you being sarcastic cuz sometimes I feel like you're not I am yeah yeah yeah very much
00:26:56
very much not no very much so very much don't do there go [ __ ] you Hospitality [ __ ]
00:27:03
you even if you didn't get it out it still was funny Hospitality [ __ ] you so anyway yeah so uh we were talking something before all this rant but let me say this I tried to make Matchmaker
00:27:14
the other night at The Comedy Store you could you go from to my mind is I'm brilliant you are brilliant thanks I
00:27:20
tried to be I tried to play matchmaker at The Comedy Store the other night and dude I thought it was wasn't it didn't
00:27:25
it seem like it was going good so I had all I had cash in my pocket I offered them all the cash in my pocket what's
00:27:31
Matchmaker [ __ ] what's Hospitality what's Matchmaker Matchmaker you you try to match two people together God Bless
00:27:37
yeah who though give me that information people in the audience I'm getting there oh so you're in so anyone listening they
00:27:43
get it already I guarantee they get it go ahead two people in the front row of the store and and and he was like a
00:27:51
young handsome kid she was a good-look chick and I T just looked at him he was wearing like a weird shirt and then I
00:27:58
said uh who is this to you and he's like we don't know each other they sat us together we're singles and I was like
00:28:05
well let's I mean let's make love let's like find love tonight let's she attractive they both were fantastic he
00:28:11
was in the military good that face was really funny no I just you went like this good no don't get it wrong and you're reading it wrong and am I well then play the tape back no
00:28:22
I'm play the tape back and you'll see this what branch that's what that face was that's
00:28:27
not what you yes yeah yeah say it again he was in the military what branch I get it curious Marine could be
00:28:34
a Navy site Marine Corps beautiful yeah and I said to her I said where do you live she says Orange County he lives in
00:28:40
San Diego I said this is right near each other yeah and I said I'll give you the money in my pocket to go on a date didn't I say this I had a bunch of money
00:28:47
in my pocket I was ready to do it and I said I'm going to do this if you're really genuinely going to go on a date and she went like
00:28:55
this oh and then they sat next to each other for the rest of the show oh dude but then you read him wrong no no no no no he would okay he was into it no she
00:29:09
didn't seem like she wasn't I know you're not on can I just one quickly our friend is not on camera and she's thumbs
00:29:14
me up yeah so Stacy could I just ask one question go ahead was he hot it was hard to see but he pulled up
00:29:21
his shirt and he did he had a great body great good enough but he was handsome he wasn't hot he was a handsome kid and she
00:29:26
was good-look by the way they were in the same league oh you know B leagues they were both yeah you know they both
00:29:33
were in what league am I in uh League of his own yeah Le yeah with you there is crying in baseball yeah yeah you kind of look like
00:29:45
Rosie Odell now that I about it well don't lead me to water you don't want me to drink it you're the kid from The
00:29:52
Sandlot which one the fat one oh [ __ ] you with red hair s kind of weird he's a lawyer now I think he's he's married to
00:29:59
my ex-girlfriend oh that's right jine Patrick Rena right yeah he's killing it no that's you that looks just like you okay I'm Madonna if we did this again that'd be you and I'd be Madonna oh oh
00:30:10
if you're a if okay yeah oh they do oh oh they should do an Oceans 11 but like reverse and do that with that movie and the all all men we they did Oceans 11 it was all men no but they did a women
00:30:21
version of that yeah they did oceans uh what was it 13 or something eight Oceans Eight have to be a little less yeah but
00:30:27
they do a remake A 2024 remake of a league of its own but like switch it to men okay
00:30:35
yeah but make a make a different period 1700s 1734 whatever we said you know what you could play some fentel a new movie yeah you could be you could play
00:30:48
sh otani's little illegal gambling friend that just got in trouble shotani plays
00:30:53
with the Dodgers he got in trouble his buddy got in trouble for gambling with his money you could play him in the movie You' that would be if they ever
00:30:59
make a movie about that I hope you do and do we have any big Asian friends that are like 6'4 who could play sh who
00:31:04
do we know that's like a tall Asian oh I I know who Yao Ming not our our friend our friend I know Yao Ming you don't [ __ ] know Yao Ming you do not look at this that's him and his buddy got in
00:31:17
trouble that's you 100% on the right that is [ __ ] that's not me dude yeah it is that's you if you were in Japan that is literally what you would look like if you were Japanese how did he get in trouble he was gambling a fuckload of
00:31:29
his money what was the total it was like 45 million of wait he was gambling the baseball players money sh's money yeah
00:31:36
wow now here's the real story was sh drunk no no no go ahead I don't care yeah here's the real
00:31:43
story who knows whether or not Shi knew if he was gambling or if he was with gambling with him and then this guy took
00:31:49
the fall wow oh I see roughly uh $160,000 per bet that's so that's insane you know who was going off the r you know who was betting like a crazy what did I talk about this already with um the at Vegas Brian bomgardner from the
00:32:03
office who played Kevin him and a bunch of guys were at the High Roller table he can gamble that
00:32:09
[ __ ] had Stacks and stacks and Stacks and stacks of chips he can play multiple hands you know doing the quick
00:32:16
thing it was impressive to watch and then I saw that and then they were like hey come sit down I was like I'll go
00:32:22
find the $20 table I wouldn't I'm not going to yeah what the [ __ ] yeah I $3,000 so like dude guys around them were betting 3 to 5,000 a hand no yeah
00:32:35
did he make that much money on the office yeah Blake Griffin Goes those residuals must have been real yeah I
00:32:41
mean yeah he must have I mean if he was a showrunner I think maybe but it's like that's a lot of [ __ ] money dude yeah
00:32:48
five grand a hand is W but also maybe he's that's his [ __ ] gambling might be his thing but if he's good at it and he
00:32:53
can make a profit then okay well then that's the his thing he was killing it I guess if I go 250 300 I'm out I go to
00:32:59
bed $300 yeah I've seen you I saw you win one time you won $100 on a on a slot yeah and that made your whole weekend I know I'm I'm out you know I mean you're going to lose in the longest get a Jolly
00:33:10
ranch or whatever go to sleep you know charie yeah yeah look at his head so you saw him yeah he played in the golf tournament that we played was he nice great guy yeah yeah great guy great
00:33:21
guy great Gambler everybody was nice I've met a couple of people from that show I've never met Steve Carell have
00:33:27
you like I've been introduced to him one time to say hello but you know what I mean one of those like hey Steve this is I've never even seen him in the flesh that's CU I've never SE I've never seen
00:33:38
will frell In the Flesh I've seen him in the flesh I used to coach uh kids soccer
00:33:43
and his kids would come to the I remember you told me that and he would come and I was so on my little Squad was
00:33:49
Ryan Philip's kid with um what's her name what's wrong with me yeah ree Witherspoon wow their kid used to be in that too you see R go hey Mr Philip Philip no I didn't say a [ __ ]
00:34:00
word oh you quiet stared at my shoes oh I know don't I've been I've been there I just didn't want that cuz I was a young
00:34:06
nobody actor and I didn't want to be like hey I'm trying to be I didn't want especially cuz he's hot as [ __ ] what do
00:34:12
you know about soccer though they're [ __ ] children kick it run go go no no no no there's like tactics not when there're you're defensive midfielder they're five what they're five they
00:34:25
throw the ball right back help out me attack but then you fall back left what what do you do the goalie you don't know
00:34:31
[ __ ] the goalie would be the goalie would be eating she would just be put down the
00:34:37
sandwich I all right oh women girls mixed it was boy boys and girls doesn't make no sense what the [ __ ] are you talking about makes no sense have you ever seen kids play
00:34:48
sports no 5-year-old kids they throw them all together they let them go I used to be a lifeguard was just kids in
00:34:53
the pool did a few of them die why yeah big [ __ ] deal why kids that's not why it's because you like anal I told you you can't make kids in the pooper I've told you that like 100
00:35:05
times you have too much sex with girls in the butt I've never airgo you don't have kids okay wow
00:35:12
you're using it in a sentence see thank you so keep doing it do it three more times throughout the rest of the podcast
00:35:17
and then I'll learn it's a beautiful thing but but what but what I'm saying is is that how
00:35:24
Hell Oh I thought they were saying hi when I'm asking you is if I have a child okay little you know what I'm going to be the best dad
00:35:35
imaginable okay will you quit doing that what I'm just I didn't know what that means like like you're praying that he's
00:35:41
going to be alive or what is this I just have an itch I'm itching my I hope he's not nervous tick okay if I have a child
00:35:48
and my my son goes and my goes my son goes Papa I go don't call me that already why already weird why are you
00:36:00
being mean to the kid he's just saying Papa I want papy I'm the kid Papa yes little Gilroy why did you name me Gilroy well I don't know Shane Gillis
00:36:12
half right and Troy Duffy he's a director love yeah so and where's Mama oh Mama she's in Hawaii let's me leave it at [Applause]
00:36:24
that she's somewhere in Hawaii let's leave it at that son yeah guil Troy are you ever going to get me another mama no yes cuz some of the [ __ ] you bring over are grow Carlos is not a [ __ ] and
00:36:36
they off Carlos and they offer me Herrera is cocaine and I'm seven Carlos offers you cocaine that's why you I
00:36:42
could never have him as a babysitter okay but I would look at you guil Troy and say ask me if you want to play
00:36:47
soccer can I if you can play soccer Papa papy but Papa's fine puppy okay may I play soccer son let me tell you something
00:36:59
yes he's such a PO yeah he's such a sweetheart he's too sweet no he's he's too sweet make him a little bit more [ __ ] up no be nice to him it's his kid oh it's your kid it's my kid my kid
00:37:09
wouldn't go yes sir all right ready yeah I'll be your kid ready all right Papa yeah guil try I'm playing soccer this weekend okay you you may I know I may
00:37:21
you have to take me son relax calm down no shut up I want fruit rollups I want sliced up fruit and you know what I want
00:37:27
want Swedish fish only the red one okay first of all look at the cabinet look at
00:37:32
the storage cabinet in the kitchen right we got every flavor of fish fry fish right all the things you mentioned are
00:37:39
there roll off all of it you know what Papa what Gil no Hospitality in this home yeah you don't even know that wor
00:37:45
we're not doctors ARG go [ __ ] you Dad yeah we're not in Star Trek all right all right so you're right maybe I shouldn't have one no not after that experience holy [ __ ] you know what you
00:37:58
could have I'm your son you are my little son no let me do it hey buddy yeah what's going on it burns what burns little
00:38:11
guy my heart your heart burns why does it burn and in the left lung area oh wow that's pretty specific yeah and it's like a pinching oh it hurts are you having a
00:38:23
heart attack oh you just had some gas yeah I got you daddy H you're funny right you're funny I'm good huh and then I go in the other room yeah to my wife yeah we got to return that that
00:38:36
Chinese kid be adopted we got to get rid of that guy it's not working out he feels like he's Bobby's kid yeah yeah
00:38:44
blue y y y y I'm an old man you are really old but I still want a boink if you want a Boer you know what you got to eat but it doesn't work as good anymore here open your mouth Bo
00:39:00
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00:39:06
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00:39:49
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00:40:20
wrong with the kid soccer thing that you were hung up on they yeah they play mult Unis here's what I'm hung up about okay
00:40:25
okay so it's like my son would know right my my son is raised knowing the Arsenal code gooner code Yeah the gonner
00:40:33
code okay he would know about the Emirates he would know about artetta he would know about the players formations
00:40:39
what are what first of all arsenals like Barcelona were tiac tiac football pass pass pass pass
00:40:46
pass pass what does it have to do with kids playing with other kids what I'm saying is my son if he's going to play
00:40:52
anything he's we're going to bring him to he's got to be good but at 5 years old he's just going to be thrown on the
00:40:57
field he's not he could be a prodigy because let me say something um Bayo Saka was from the um the Arsenal Youth
00:41:03
Academy he was 11 when they found him so but he started at 5 so at 5 you can see
00:41:08
he was a miracle you're a miracle all right I'm sorry thank you you're welcome I mean that's a but my say my but like I
00:41:14
want my kid to be the best at whatever he does but you don't want him to play soccer with other people I would call
00:41:22
around also DNA has something to do with that too yeah it's got to come from you God it's it's you you know you know it's
00:41:29
it's funny it's funny you know by you saying DNA is basically saying you're fat poppy no that's that's what you're
00:41:36
saying you you're fat sloth-like lazy creature you I mean who barely you don't even walk you Slither holy [ __ ] St in my
00:41:47
mind oh my God yeah you Slither like a snail you [ __ ] Abomination and let me say something I come from everyone listen here now corre stock real good
00:41:58
stock my dad was very athletic my brother's athletic was ranked number three in the
00:42:04
four in the nation as a wrestler my brother was in high school Google that no don't Google it I just made that up
00:42:11
don't do this well don't do that don't do facts don't do not facts we're comedy this I make [ __ ] up all the time yeah
00:42:17
but you're taking a stance as if you're being serious that's true all right so what I'm saying is that I want my kid
00:42:22
just to I would call around LA County you what's the best young male soccer league and You' get him in that a and and I would see if he was If he if he doesn't have the skills or the ability
00:42:35
then I would go like oh let's just go to the local place what if your dad let's say what say let's say your kid says to
00:42:42
you papa Gilroy I don't want to play soccer okay well what do you want to do I want to be a cheerleader I want to I want to be a
00:42:56
male cheer ler okay um Gilroy put your room for a second okay okay and then what I and then I'm on my couch and I I put
00:43:09
my [ __ ] SAR okay [ __ ] anyway knock knock knock knock hey Papa can I come in Gilroy come
00:43:16
on in all right I come oh my God what's all with the glitter you want some ow my
00:43:22
eyes again anyway anyway there's guys there so many unicorns in this in this room look at
00:43:30
all the pictures of the boys on my wall those are all cheerleader boys okay you want to be a cheerleader
00:43:36
mhm okay um I make some phone calls thanks Papa and I called Justin marale I don't know where to go I would call a gay friend that I don't know I don't know who to go I
00:43:47
would call Fortune fster yeah yeah Fortune you know anything about cheerleading no she's like hell no h yeah yeah
00:43:55
doesn't know yeah what would you like what if Daddy yes yes son yes Marcus thank you for nameing me mar you got it kiddo what do you want Marcus I'm
00:44:07
not done talking why you always interrupt me Marcus speed it up Daddy I just want to be able to
00:44:14
express myself and get it out what do you want to do anyway Daddy yeah Marcus you know I just I really like um killing small things like I go on the for and I see a
00:44:27
little squirrel and it takes scissors I like to chop his head off while it's alive because so I can see it wiggle in
00:44:33
my hand you know what I mean and then I just like squeeze it and I drink the blood out of it I love it so much and I like the B the bones I like the bones of
00:44:41
these little creatures Daddy and I like to make little skelet toid creatures out of them myself rather I destroy them
00:44:47
myself you know hell Satan daddy H Satan go to your room okay Dad you mean my coven go to your coven I'll go to my
00:45:01
coven all right and I'm going to go inside my little [ __ ] and then you go to your room and
00:45:07
then I go lay in bed with our my wife your mom yeah and I turn oh you're going to go lay in bed with again hey hey hey
00:45:13
hey hey hey hey [Music] hey what would you do she's reading a book yeah yeah I turn to her and I say I think we got a winner on our
00:45:25
really wow sometimes sometimes you have can't control it I've seen it on Tik Tok
00:45:31
you can't control what your kids do yeah you can't control no matter how good you are as a person no matter what values
00:45:38
and ethics that you relay to them right sometimes God gives you cray cray sometimes God makes a serial killer right someone had it had to come from something well speaking of which we have
00:45:51
somebody here who who we'll introduce Our Guest here one second we just had our guest walk in the room put on your
00:45:56
head if you want a head headphones you can have them do you want headphones or no they're right there on them recommend
00:46:02
them yeah usually yeah okay introduce yourself to uh our audience if you don't mind I'm Dax flame and um I'm a YouTuber
00:46:11
and um and I'm happy to be here and yeah I think you guys are you're uh very funny and you're very funny and I think you'll have awesome chemistry and thanks forting me I love this guy Dax I [ __ ]
00:46:24
love you I've never had I saw you on the internet and I was like I got we have to have that guy on the show okay cool where are you from Texas what part yeah
00:46:31
um a a suburb of Dallas do you miss Texas no okay is everything bigger um no yeah so let me can I ask you some are you seeing somebody no So you you're an
00:46:45
actor too right um yes I haven't acted anything for a bit well actually I uh my friend makes movies on YouTube and stuff
00:46:51
Joel Haver and so I've been in those um but haven't done any Hollywood movies for a bit I was in Project X which was filmed right down the street from here a
00:46:58
long time ago so I was passing that as I came up I don't want to dock did that give you trauma no no that wasn't a bad
00:47:05
experience for you no you say like you went by it like it was a negative thing it was a good thing right oh I went by
00:47:10
where they shot it yeah but it didn't make you feel some did it make you feel something um no nothing at all were you
00:47:17
the star of the movie uh uh I'm the cameraman like so it's like a found footage movie oh right right so yeah I'm like the guy who's filming everything so you see me some some people say that I'm
00:47:28
like oh there you are yeah yeah yeah oh you were young then yeah that was when I
00:47:34
was 18 18 you came out here from Texas to act yeah yes you always wanted to be an actor your whole life no no what was
00:47:41
the what was the impetus uh doing YouTube videos um yeah doing YouTube videos that made you go I want to be an
00:47:46
actor yes and then you did that then you did 21 jum Street and 22 yes yes how was
00:47:52
that awesome does anybody on those movies that you didn't like that you didn't get along with
00:47:58
not one person on there you didn't get along with but what happens you do 21 22 right you do you know mean the X right
00:48:05
and then you did you stop going on audition did you not want to do it anymore what like what uh just it slowed
00:48:11
down um it slowed down for a while and then I just didn't get any more movies um and so then I was working at an ice cream shop in a sushi place for a bit yeah then uh have just been doing
00:48:22
YouTube since the pandemic yeah and then now I've been doing some like Tik Tok and Instagram real to where I I kind of
00:48:28
stopped talking about those movies online oh my bad oh no uh just on my own Tik Tok oh I see yeah okay the rumor is you called Channing Tatum a
00:48:40
[ __ ] that's not true or uh no that's not true um no I don't know who spread that around but man yeah that's a bad rumor well you call Tanning a [ __ ] Channing Tatum
00:48:55
Channing Channing um a [ __ ] ass hoe you call [ __ ] ass hoe um no he didn't do any of the any
00:49:03
where was the ice cream shop you worked at uh it was called ample Hills they're closed down now ample Hill if I walked
00:49:09
in there like and I came up to you at the you were the register guy yes uh or I would scoop and then ring people okay
00:49:15
let's let's play that I come in okay wow cool little ice cream store would you like any samples I I'm not up to the
00:49:20
counter yet but okay hi um this ice cream store yes oh cool hey were you in 21 jum Street yeah nice
00:49:31
to meet you nice to meet you wow you're working at a ice cream store this crazy y yeah yeah what's wrong nothing
00:49:40
okay anyway hi are you going to order a I I know there's a line I'm so sorry I'm
00:49:46
so sorry I just would like to order is there way I can get a maybe a selfie with you uh yeah of course but let's
00:49:51
order what what do you recommend um oh my God it's ice cream [ __ ] get something there's a l ma' ma'am I've
00:49:58
never been at this ice cream store and I don't know I don't want to just get vanilla and he's also a [ __ ]
00:50:03
celebrity so I heard he's in a project Tri xx movie or something gross just take the photo get the ice what flavor
00:50:10
do you recommend I'm sorry this lady behind me I'll recommend you know these car ooy gooey buttercake and you know what I'll give y'all both a free that
00:50:16
was my nickname in high school Ooey oey buttercake I'll take one of those okay and it's on me today really thank you um what are you doing after work sorry ma'am hold on just going home oh you
00:50:29
want to hang out smoke some weed uh I don't smoke but sure I'll hang out with you are you Bobby Lee
00:50:37
yeah I am you know my work yeah yeah yeah cool I so what time you get off uh s seven s it's [ __ ] 3 I'll wait okay 4 hours can I order please yeah go ahead
00:50:49
[ __ ] God God hi hello I want to try one of everything so I'm I'm curious because I'm fascinated by you we saw you on the internet we were all talking about you Carlos was saying how much he loves
00:51:05
you you you you you did you did you did have like a a run of film and this is like a real thing in Hollywood do you think work slowed down because you
00:51:19
didn't really want to keep going as much or did it just kind of the organic I definitely wanted to you did yeah well I
00:51:25
want it to happen so we need to we need to work with him oh I want to work with you I I want I want to work with you on something cuz I think you're [ __ ]
00:51:32
great good good actor nice nice guy I just don't like the way that the thing happens all the time because for us
00:51:38
we've all had you know it goes up and down and up and down but it's fascinating how like you've done much
00:51:44
larger movies than either of us have had have done that's true 100% 21 Jump stre [ __ ] massive now did you see
00:51:51
residuals that were good from that for a long time yeah that's what I lived off of until I was working at the ice cream shop m
00:51:57
wow does it hurt though but like like in your mind you're like I was in movies and I'm I mean I don't know oh does that
00:52:03
does that go through your mind or uh well first I did a a food delivery job and then I I was kind of like I was kind
00:52:11
of feeling like okay yeah I was I used to be in movies and now I'm doing a food delivery job is does that like mean
00:52:17
anything and then I was once I was working at the ice cream shop I know longer had that mindset yeah that that
00:52:23
went right by you yeah yeah and then I I I had an awesome uh assistant manager there Stacy shout out to Stacy where at D place and good co-workers oh wow I
00:52:36
love your soul I love your soul and then one day it just closed and you were bombed probably huh no I I hated it I
00:52:42
hated the shop oh wait wait that makes sense wait wait wait you loved everyone you worked with yes yeah you love the customers yes yeah I didn't get a
00:52:53
promotion I had a lot of frustration by the time it closed they're cut my hours sorry
00:52:59
to ample Hills if that's still a place like because they started in New York don't be don't say sorry don't be sorry
00:53:05
to them you they [ __ ] say what you feel about ample Hills they're very delicious they have very delicious ice cream check
00:53:11
it out but go go GL let's go at corporate go ahead but I didn't enjoy working there and get get your [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:53:17
you go ahead yeah yeah no I I I hated it yeah uh and um yeah get into it I'm I'm
00:53:24
the CEO when well hello my name is Bill Gilbert uh Gilroy screw you Bill an yeah
00:53:30
Bill oh he just screwed you yeah yeah he just said it do it again to him hit him hard screw you oh wow you screwed me I
00:53:37
employed you and by the way 21 Jump Street sucks you're going to let him say that
00:53:43
stuff to you I'm you little you little punk I'm a CEO don't ever talk to me like that what are you going to do about it you little punk your ice your shop went out of business you were bad bad
00:53:55
business person La uh maybe you're succeeding in New York but you failed here oh o look at this [ __ ] guy [ __ ]
00:54:03
you you little white Punk little [ __ ] Punk um you're never going to work again what do you what else you got to say
00:54:12
uh no nothing wow you got to fight okay okay um you got to [ __ ] fight man screw you I hate you and oo uh let's see you're a [ __ ] dude
00:54:27
in the middle of a fight to to say let's see is maybe the funniest thing on I know you nice [ __ ] you you're a nice guy
00:54:33
let's see thank you you're are such a sweet Soul what do you do on your channel on YouTube I am trying to figure
00:54:39
out what to do so I've just been trying to make new show ideas and um and on Tik
00:54:46
Tok I've been doing lots of I've been doing I actually tried meet stand up comedy for the first time or you stand up for the second time I did one other Open Mic before
00:54:56
oh this is great push just push push pause on this real quick John John so high he's just looping it while we're [ __ ] chatting all right so here we go
00:55:03
we got to get our old guys here we go okay you introduce him you're the host of a comic Club hey got that's my time this next
00:55:10
comic unbelievable such a funny dude you've seen him in such movies is 21 Jump 2 jump Sho 22 Jump Street Project X
00:55:16
so [ __ ] funny Texas own Dax [Applause] flame hello thanks for having me um so do you want me to do some jokes um let's see
00:55:33
I this is the this is these are the jokes I did at the comedy Place let's we're doing the audience
00:55:40
thanks for thanks for having me I hope you're doing great so do you ever have a social inter a social interaction you wish you wish you went diff that went that you wish went differently so for
00:55:53
example the other day I was in line at a grocery store and a guy said I could like go ahead um basically I was in this line the guy
00:55:58
said go ahead and I said like something to him that he didn't realize like that was a joke so I was like okay that just
00:56:04
happened um and then if I had a genie uh uh if I had a genie all my wishes would have been used on things like that long ago um speaking of Genies uh how do those lamps work is there like
00:56:21
a giant room in there is it just asleep until it's rubbed or whatever um this is good this is so good um keep going and then um uh my exgirlfriend uh
00:56:35
okay U my ex-girlfriend used to get headaches a lot uh not my fault I promise um and um that the whenever she
00:56:44
would get them she would get really mad at me because I'd be like uh let's see oh I'd say don't worry it's only in your head and she'd be like no I
00:56:56
really have a headache and I'd be like no literally it's just in your head uh and then um I had this joke kind of
00:57:05
let's not let's not give away all the gold okay I I want I because we are going to have you on a show yeah we're g to have got come show come on a show
00:57:12
stand stand up show yeah yeah yeah can I can I do an experiment with Mr flame here real quick yeah do yeah may I all
00:57:17
right so look so this is what we're going to do it's like we're going to do stand up on the spot okay so I'm going
00:57:22
to give you a topic you're just going to riff don't even think about it yeah you just riff about it right okay my mind
00:57:27
goes blank when I try to do that but I will try you're going you know what in in improv it's only yes there's no no
00:57:33
that's right you know that right all right so here we go beef brisket go ahead beef brisket is one of the most
00:57:40
popular things about like barbecue dishes and I'm from Texas so uh people like to eat that but I never liked
00:57:46
barbecue so um um it's good it's good okay really good dude really good we we're what do you do I'm a uh I'm a financial
00:58:06
analyst what do you think about that okay um I don't know but my wife my wife works in a uh
00:58:19
she works at a cemeter right babe she I do she does embalming she does embalming what do you think about that there's got
00:58:25
to be a lot of Mr comedian Dolores Cemetery my grandfather's buried there what's the funniest thing you've seen
00:58:31
there huh what's the funniest thing you've seen at a on the audience but everything I've seen at the C day is way
00:58:36
funnier than your act I'll tell you that right now says the crowd you suck whoa burn how do you own a Heckler oo o
00:58:47
are you asking us or yeah oh how many followers do you have half a million yeah 500 thousand now because the past two months have been really good I hope it keeps [ __ ] growing hope it grows too yeah I really like you
00:59:01
man I don't know what about your eyes you catch me good thank you no I mean not a good thing oh okay yeah yeah it's not a good thing what do you mean it's a
00:59:07
great thing no there's something going on with your I'm I'm sorry can I may I say some stuff yes there's a sadness
00:59:14
okay no I'm so sorry may I go here or no you can do whatever you want but I I like our guest I no I like it dude let
00:59:21
me just say this before I ever say what I'm going to say I like it a lot Dax and I think that you're a talented guy and
00:59:27
I'm just happy to be a pleasure as all mine okay so then well it's a pleasure to meet you a pleasure to be here okay D how old are you 32 what's your biological name what's your what's your
00:59:40
birth name um well I don't most people don't know my first name and I've always just been reluctant to say it because
00:59:46
like what if people like find my address or whatever ah but people know my middle name uh which is Madison oh I like
00:59:53
Madison thanks but your eyes oh yes may I go back to the eyes yeah yeah I mean God I want to know your first name so [ __ ] I me too I think maybe we'll guess if we're if we guess it we would you say
01:00:04
can I show you my ID and then you don't yeah we won't reveal it on the show yeah we would never do that that's [ __ ]
01:00:09
awesome yeah you not you don't have a wallet just throw it to me there's no cam cameras will not up there's no
01:00:15
there's no wallet those guys won't do anything bad you don't okay we should buy him a wallet maybe yeah can we get him a wallet we got your wallet oh wow
01:00:21
what that's not what I thought let me see that's that's wild what are your yeah I mean it's like it's almost like a puzzle so is your what's your
01:00:34
middle name James Young Young yeah yeah cool what's where how did you get this name um I think it his last name might have been like a great grandpa or something I'm not sure are you Italian
01:00:47
uh I don't know well I I took a DNA test uh what did it say then a lot of things yeah okay are you black uh no Korean are
01:00:55
you Korean uh no no Asian uh no Jewish uh that was on there yeah yeah yeah are you proud of that uh yeah happy Passover Happy Passover I I no one I know
01:01:06
celebrates I mean uh like friends do but like no one no I didn't grow up with any celebrating of that or anything so
01:01:12
you're against uh Jewish holidays no no uh no I just don't have never done that you don't like them you don't want participate even though it's your heritage I think they're awesome you sure yes okay what's your favorite one
01:01:25
Passover that's your favorite one and you didn't celebrate it even though it's your favorite no or Hanukkah yeah that
01:01:32
hanukkah's better I don't know actually so you don't you're making mockery of it it
01:01:37
sounds like you're mocking it unintentionally if so if I am I'm sorry fine well she's Jewish I would apologize
01:01:44
to her if anything yeah is that offensive what I said sorry I mean I feel like you're Mak
01:01:50
I mean you spit on her drele it's verbally spitting on the is what you did I see I see do do do you think all people are equal uh yeah I don't feel I don't buy
01:02:04
that when you said that um insane let me throw you this back here let me see ready let's do a little nobody thought that was going to
01:02:15
happen by the way nobody in here thought we were going to make that work and we [ __ ] did we connect on a different level thank you let's get into your
01:02:21
dating life so when's the last time you've uh been with somebody uh that's a forward oh okay let me rephrase it yeah
01:02:28
please he's new you're a friend oh you know what excuse me and you know let me say this I'm so sorry when you're in
01:02:33
this room you're a bad friend family we you're a friend of ours really we don't want so just relax and also if you want
01:02:39
anything cut out we'll cut it out so feel free seriously anything we don't we're not a gotcha podcast okay okay so
01:02:45
if you came up to us and says hey guys U I don't like that I don't want that part in there like the Jewish part for instance just you know then we would cut
01:02:51
it out do you want us to cut that out was that uncomfortable if you think it was bad I do you think it's bad I didn't
01:02:57
either I don't know no there is no don't look at the jew yeah don't look at the jew that's cut that out that's even
01:03:03
worse don't cut that out yeah okay just cuz she said it was all right so um when's when's the last time you had a
01:03:08
girlfriend no can I've had one girlfriend in your whole life and whenever I did that standup joke about my ex-girlfriend that a hypothetical I'm
01:03:15
going to say this to our fans if there is a a nice woman here in Los Angeles who's interested in our boy uh please H
01:03:22
up the Pod cuz we'd love to set you up on a date I think I really your energy I think you're smart and you're sweet and
01:03:27
you're cool and for some reason something in my world wants to know you help you work with you I don't know what it is but I like you a lot you know him and I have some projects okay awesome
01:03:40
are you excited about them not really no not for all of them no some of I mean this one is great cool yeah this one's fun but you know we will um keep an open mind and have you in our thoughts I'll
01:03:52
put you we'll put you in something I'll just say that's what I meant to say well you're saying it like a you know CEO well I'm saying it like with what you
01:03:58
know I mean we'll put a pin on pin in you oh like a studio ex a studio EXO we'll put a pin in you did you ever get close for a rle and you didn't get it
01:04:03
that you really wanted yes what was it we are the Millers oh to be that kid huh yes and then this Ryan Gosling movie his directorial debut uh and then you got
01:04:14
close on both of these and the watch those I was the runner up for all of those oh [ __ ] yeah that's the story of
01:04:20
Our Lives huh yeah runner runner up yes yeah are you going out on auditions now no no do you have someone that's going
01:04:27
to send you out or no uh not I I don't I haven't gotten an audition offer in like
01:04:34
four years or so why why I need to fix I want to fix this I don't believe in this
01:04:41
fix it I want to fix I want to fix I need to fix I want to fix I need to fix you I need to fix what is broken with
01:04:48
you I need to fix what is broken with you I need to fix what is broken with you with you what do you think that was good thank you you want to get involved
01:05:00
in the song I need to fix I need to fix what is broken with you I need to fix I need to fix what is broken with you I need to fix what is wrong with you melodically I need to fix I need to fix
01:05:13
what is broken with you I need F yeah very good dude very good I mean a musical Thing could be something that we could now let me together I know I have an inkling you don't like to hug uh like
01:05:29
if I came up and gave you a hug you wouldn't like it no yeah no why well it's I it's fine
01:05:36
actually if I yeah it's it's fine but maybe like I'm telling you I'm going to give you a hug when you leave well in
01:05:41
fine yeah well I also in the Italian culture right when you when you meet somebody for the first time it's got to
01:05:47
be a 10-second hug or it doesn't mean anything okay we're supposed to kiss on the cheeks if I'm honest honest in Korea
01:05:53
we kiss on the lips sometimes with tongue but that's you know depending to stranger yeah yeah on 100% South Korean
01:05:59
kisses on the mouth North Korean does tongue yeah you're lucky he's from South yeah if you have a tongue do they chop
01:06:05
it off if you kiss the wrong way you know you know anything about North Korea um just not
01:06:12
much it's a fair answer it is a fair answer are you on the apps which ones dating apps uh I yeah hinge hinge is it working I I don't use it enough um like
01:06:25
I don't me message or swipe uh but I that's how it works you know yeah you have to do that to like when you turn on
01:06:30
the car you got the Eng banned from any apps have you been banned from a dating app no he has why did you get banned
01:06:37
three of them why lied about his age why lied about his age how old am I Dax do you think uh 45 40 45 okay
01:06:54
hey if yeah okay 52 52 okay awesome how tall do you think he is because he lied like 36
01:07:01
I watched something yesterday where you said 53 and a half that's right one of your episodes that is right
01:07:09
okay so before you came here you kind of looked at familiarized with yourself had you ever seen the show prior uh not the
01:07:16
show but I have seen y'all clip yeah yes did you know of us outside of this show
01:07:22
yeah um my friend Lisa Nova well I haven't talked her in a long time I love her she was on TV with you I know I know
01:07:27
Lisa very well uh I knew her from back in the day wow have you talk she's she's disappeared almost yeah I haven't kept she in New York but I ran into she made she made much much money yeah and left
01:07:39
she was on a you she was a YouTuber right she started maker and then solded to Disney for like 500 $600 million
01:07:45
that's good that's a lot of money it's a lot of money when you ran into her you think maybe Lisa Donovan yes yes yeah so
01:07:52
uh so yeah I had seen I had seen you familiar with me you don't know who I am uh yes I do know who you are give me a
01:07:59
couple of things he's done um this is weird uh it's fine we can cut it out if it's weird but I want him to answer what
01:08:05
that Ricky stini yeah yeah yeah would say it again he said Santini oh I love it Ricky sanini Rick Ricky sanini I'll have't give me give me something else
01:08:17
but then um like just lots of awesome Clips yeah well I love you you know what you just endeared me yourself to me do you all have a rivalry no we don't have it's
01:08:32
great Bob cre a fake fantasy bobb's riding off of Mad TV for a long time it's an a awesome credit it was yeah God bless you I knew there was
01:08:45
something about you dude and you and I dude we're back in it aren't we we're on that wagon okay and we're we're going to
01:08:51
the sunset dude it's amazing I'd like to think and right yeah is it good I think yeah yeah do you like Matt TV no
01:09:02
okay I was more of like an SNL guy SNL is a great significantly better quality than Matt TV um when did mad is Mad TV is not on
01:09:13
that's right no yeah one of them is still on yeah what you just did there now because you wanted to combat him cuz
01:09:18
I knew how you felt but what you did is you went you went you went you know what I'm going to diffuse the situation I'm
01:09:24
going to go this way and I liked what you did but at the end of the day I know how you feel okay thank you and thank
01:09:29
you so much Dax for being here and I'm going to say something I'm going to do something for you man something deep
01:09:35
provocative maybe some [ __ ] we'll see you're going to give him some [ __ ] we're going to help him okay what what if he doesn't want it if you don't want it it's fine what about a hug one of
01:09:47
your hugs one of his Good Hugs no I might be wrong but I think maybe you could be a reoccurring guest on this show uh I'll I'll come back anytime did you drive
01:10:00
here yes okay good you have a bike uh I do do you bike often not anymore for some reason so you rode a bike here no okay have you ever fallen off the bike
01:10:11
uh I do have a scar on my chest from biking into the back of a car you know I would like to hear that
01:10:16
story Mo on I know before we move but can I Al well I don't want to talk about your I'd like to hear that story uh it's
01:10:23
pretty much just that I just car the the car was parked and no one was in it and there was a gas tank on the back that popped open too it was leaking gas but I just went down to the
01:10:34
beach and asked a lifeguard for something to put on my how old were you 17 or 18 here here in Southern California and you did this to the Lifeguard uh well I just told him that I
01:10:46
had a well no what just you did this so how did you lose focus and hit a car did yeah um well I didn't lose focus I think
01:10:54
my foot slipped or my hands spped and then I by the time I got it back I slammed on the brakes and then skid it
01:11:00
and and it was I was going too fast or something you know so I just say I want to say
01:11:05
something you ever watch porn with dudes like this you're saying about his penis
01:11:10
size is big gigantic yeah it's got to be yeah and guys that have a little bit of
01:11:17
um the same body structure everything about it yeah the vibe Vibe do you like trains um I like being okay I like I
01:11:27
they are very peaceful to go they're nice yeah am tr but you're not going to go to a train station to look at them yeah yeah yeah you look like you like trains that was interesting that's so
01:11:38
good well because I feel like he has interesting hobbies yeah yeah yeah yeah what is that know do you like
01:11:45
marbles what do you no dude I feel like you have marbles in your pocket right now no I like I I do like TR going on
01:11:53
trains but I have no nothing to say about do you know why you like train so much yeah they're very peaceful yeah
01:11:58
they [ __ ] are aren't they the last time I was on one uh it hit someone also like speaking of yeah hit a person it
01:12:05
got delayed I didn't see anything but I got delayed and there was a jumper well I looked at an article the next day or
01:12:11
two day or two later and uh they yeah it just said that someone got hit in the arm and I think they were fine oh they
01:12:17
were alive usually somebody jumps okay my mom used to take the train every day when we moved from Chicago to the
01:12:23
suburbs and maybe once a month someone would jump in front of the train so it would delay her work day okay real
01:12:28
frustrating when someone takes her own life and and inconveniences everybody else's kill yourself on your own time or
01:12:34
yet don't what I agree with you don't kill yourself true true but also if you're
01:12:41
going to do it don't make it hard on other people true do you know what I mean what's your favorite meal to eat
01:12:47
what's your death row meal you ever play that you know when someone say you're on death row what your last oh this is a good question maybe uh well smoothies
01:12:54
are like the thing I have most um but in terms of like if there's no money limit then I'll get like good it's your last
01:13:02
meal bro Sushi or steak sushi sushi or steak you do both yeah both what kind of meat are we talking what kind of steak I've usually just get sirloin well I was vegetarian for a while and now I've just
01:13:13
been eating everything again now you're back on the beef I bet you have what's the best steak R Steakhouse you've been
01:13:19
to uh Damons I think it's called is that talking about the one in in in uh in Glendale yeah that's a really good one that's the one I told you to go about
01:13:31
it's like the it's like the the tiki theme talk oh my God I love that place it's a good place I love it who you're a
01:13:37
you're a foodie huh uh D Damon is so [ __ ] cool I've told you to go there I'm going to go you're a foodie um yeah
01:13:46
I guess I I I don't really know many steak places no but do you like you you you do like to go out and eat at fun
01:13:51
places uh yes but it but the restriction you said the Smoothie thing is it that's
01:13:57
a is that a health thing or a financial thing I just love smoothies right heyy yeah we do too I what's up dude we we we do them pretty often what kind is it it's called none of your [ __ ]
01:14:08
business no it's a fair question it's called chocolate I didn't know that's why I said chocolate lover yeah we like
01:14:14
it's chocolate and peanut butter um I would like to go to we Spa with you okay would you would you that is I would not get naked no something told me that that
01:14:25
wait stop stop I'm very offended by that by the way why because it's like you looked
01:14:32
at me and you go I will not get naked but it's almost as if you said I will not get naked with you no with
01:14:38
specifically with anyone so except for someone you're interested in romantically this is the border that he's I know but what I'm saying is is
01:14:44
that we're not the we spell is it's it's um there's a communal place where men and women congregate okay hospitality there go there go right and
01:14:57
then but in the in the we have to first get naked and put on the we St clothing so you wouldn't get naked with me putting on clothes I would go into like
01:15:08
a bathroom stall if that's possible yeah that seems pretty fair oh that's insane did you ever play sports as a young lad
01:15:14
but I wouldn't be offended if you wanted to undress and would you look at my panis uh no okay even though I said
01:15:21
look uh uh if go hey dck look accient if I know what you're doing then no yeah okay you're giving him the keys to the castle you're letting him know what's going you may come in yeah yeah the mo
01:15:33
whatever come in come on in do you ever Chew Tobacco have I tried smoking a cigarette
01:15:39
how was that uh interesting I guess yeah do you have any interest in chewing tobacco want to try something uh I don't
01:15:46
think I'm interested in in that smart are have you tried it chewing tobacco yeah yeah yeah yeah he's tried everything you've tried everything once except for guys you've that's the thing
01:15:58
I think okay that's fine I I was a kid but let's not bring that up again it's weird well I mean you you bring it up
01:16:03
more than once in episode well youve tried guys and I haven't and you said everything once it's making our guests feel uncomfortable because obviously he
01:16:08
doesn't like it no I I don't feel uncomfortable of all this guy said he was a Democrat he's open for all this stuff you're you're cool with a marriage
01:16:15
yes I think that's great open borders right yes yeah free healthcare for everybody MH and what's the last thing
01:16:23
we always say trans women and Sports and Men Sports there it is yes yep very good I want to know what you don't like what are things that bother Dax um traffic
01:16:41
um yeah that's it oh there's been a lot of construction on the apartment unit next to mine for the past like two weeks
01:16:48
and it's like just waking up to like banging and grinding and stuff yeah you live in Hollywood uh no uh in uh 2 miles east of Hollywood so in your mind when you seeing hearing that what are the
01:17:01
thoughts that go through your head you want to kill them no no be honest we're all Pals
01:17:07
here right right right and your mind is like I take a [ __ ] of my Shir you know
01:17:12
what do what do you think uh uh no no I I don't think that okay what do you think that
01:17:20
um this sucks yeah this sucks is right it does that sucks you don't have Revenge fantasies am I the only guy in this building that has revenge fantasies yes
01:17:32
mhm yeah yeah the way yes yeah John no he's Korean hey back me up Revenge fantasies sometimes I picture myself going back to my bullies and beating them up yeah dude that's what I'm saying
01:17:44
and I picture I have fantasies like that you don't have fantasies people that harmed you you know what I mean like I should have done this you know I mean I
01:17:51
should have take a bear trap and chop their [ __ ] leg did anybody bully you um as a young person anytime anytime oh
01:17:59
sure there's like internet hate comments but I'm just immune to them at this point there was recently um this isn't
01:18:04
bullying but like two days ago I was getting out of my car and someone uh like honked at me well I got out of my car and then I went back into it to scoot forward to give them more space to
01:18:16
park that's and they honked at me as I was getting back in like BEC they didn't uh that was annoying
01:18:26
that was not bullying though no no yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean think about I want I want I want a day I want a day with
01:18:43
you yeah days I want days with you okay can we do this I think we should do a camping thing would you go camping with us
01:18:55
yeah have you ever camped uh no and have you ever lived up the land lived off the land like in what like forging for berries killing
01:19:06
something and eating itach I can teach you about that stuff okay like fish have you ever gone fishing uh yes oh but have
01:19:12
you ever done it without a rod do it naturally with a spear I can teach you about that too y y'all are big campers
01:19:19
well no we do it every weekend every weekend yeah pretty much without fail huh where well Big Bear last last
01:19:24
weekend that was fun and then sometimes we'll go just to we'll just go to Riverside and just Camp right in downtown Riverside yeah yeah sometimes
01:19:30
we'll do that I could hand trap squirrels now with my eyes closed to be honest with you you should see what this guy do squirrel it's unbelievable he can
01:19:37
follow a squirrel just like in sonar like a like a dolphin yeah just the sound yeah oh dude yep 450 km away du
01:19:45
West up the tree that's the thing when he squirrel hunts he does turn Canadian but for the most part yeah and I can
01:19:52
also just I can get on my hands and knees and I can tap with my finger right and I communicate with earthworms is that pretty cool like that is awesome yeah did you all get into it
01:20:05
together well when we were in the war um Desert Storm We Were Young you know I mean I was in the Army he was in the
01:20:11
Marines and you know I was a Tracker you know I mean I tracked them those bastards those [ __ ] dirty bastards
01:20:17
man they're disgusting disgusting they're the Real Enemy they're the Real Enemy dude worms worms
01:20:23
you not see what they're doing to this [ __ ] planet you see Dune yes yeah they're going to rip us to Pieces rip us to Pieces man we're done yeah we're done
01:20:30
for and if you think that that's not what's really going on that's the government that's the government finally telling us the truth the truth and it's
01:20:36
like tap tap tap tap you know what I mean I'm saying please please don't I just bought this house do not because when they come out of the earth destroys
01:20:43
buildings you know what I mean yeah but my point is is this so what else we go comping so we every you
01:20:50
know the our fun trip though when we went to the rainforest in Brazil God that was so fun oh my we spent a month in the rain fls in Brazil and we observe
01:20:57
the birds of paradise wow mating rituals do you know much about it we lived with a tribe half of the time yep and then
01:21:06
every weekend yall go camping pretty much yeah if we can do if we can do uh and we you know we do it alone
01:21:13
style oh I've seen that show yeah so we do it with really nothing okay awesome yeah yeah so we're going to go out there
01:21:19
with maybe uh no tent youan we can build you me our own Lodge I'll say this again
01:21:26
you're inside these walls you're a bad friend for life you're a friend of ours thank you yeah yeah yeah don't be scared
01:21:32
of us okay no because in here we want to protect you there's nothing about this place that wants to you must have to have to pee real bad right now huh no I
01:21:39
did think about that and no no luckily uhhuh you know last I want to share something with you last night last night
01:21:45
I did made a mistake so that you know that blue thing that vibrator I have that wrap it on my
01:21:50
dick the vibrating thing thank you for being a bad friend yeah wo wo woo woo yeah