00:00:00
Hey, bad friends. I am going to be in San Diego, Bobby's hometown, on June 28th at the Sound in Delmare, North
00:00:08
County. Come on out, dude. Take a break from the water and the sun, San Diego. Come see him at the sound. June 28th.
00:00:15
Two shows, early show and a late show. June 28th. Then July 24th, I'm going to
00:00:19
be uh in St. Charles, Missouri. Basically St. Louis, right next door. Next door neighbors, come out and see me
00:00:24
at the Merit Star Casino. St. Charles, St. Louis, Missouri. That's July 24th.
00:00:28
June 28th in San Diego. Come out and see me. Go to andrewantino.com for those tickets. Andrewsantino.com.
00:00:33
>> You two are bad friends. >> Who are these two idiots? >> A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:40
are disgusting. >> You two are something. >> We're bad friends. Pey
00:00:53
white. >> Average white. Normal white guy. Normal white guy. Normal white guy,
00:01:04
>> right? >> Yeah. I like it. >> Yeah. You like it? >> Look who's back.
00:01:07
>> You're still buying beef at the store? >> Oh, beef. >> 20% up.
00:01:11
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. >> You eating the beef, huh?
00:01:14
>> I'm eating the beef. >> Yeah. Yeah. What else? What about gas?
00:01:17
>> Gas on the lowest grade gas. >> You get the low grain. >> Yeah.
00:01:20
>> I get supreme anyway. >> That's just with That's gas with
00:01:23
tomatoes and sour cream. >> Exactly. >> They're working. It's like a baked
00:01:26
potato. >> Yeah. >> Have you gotten colonoscopy? >> I have it.
00:01:30
>> Yeah. I just got mine >> last week. Let's bring up the results.
00:01:34
>> No, I can just tell you the results. >> It was awesome. The phone call made me
00:01:37
happy. Yeah. >> Zero polyps. Zero. >> No polyps. No cancer. They did find a
00:01:41
fingernail. Apparently my ass was like a well from the silence of the lamb. Things are crawling out of it. You know
00:01:50
what I mean? I think my poop has claws cuz it was just crawling out. >> Something's got to be
00:01:54
>> Yeah, they found a fingernail. Yeah. Yeah. And a little bit of AIDS. But um
00:01:59
you can't put that in there. >> They tested it. It's pure. >> Does
00:02:05
this back from Coachella? Bobby Lee and Carlos Herrera went out to the desert. They were at Coachella. They were
00:02:11
ripping it up, dude. TMZ reported on it. >> Well, rip ripping it up is um I'll tell
00:02:16
you what happened. And I may may I show may may I show you my Coachella experience? I never been before.
00:02:22
>> That's why I introed it. >> He was showing off his wristband.
00:02:25
>> Yeah, I was showing off hot shot with the new wristband. >> Yeah. It's kind of like rude.
00:02:29
>> Start it over. Go ahead. Go ahead. >> [ __ ] No, >> they tag you now.
00:02:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] You're an [ __ ] >> Yeah. Arrogant [ __ ] >> What section of coach? You're missing an
00:02:41
A. >> Hey, what's up, dude? What section are you in? [ __ ] >> Yeah.
00:02:46
>> Oh, sick dog. I'm a douchebag. >> Yeah, that's artist. >> That's artist.
00:02:50
>> So, whose artist pass was it? >> Mine. >> What artist gave you an artist pass?
00:02:56
>> Well, I I'll be honest with you. We we we we know a guy, you know. Should we
00:03:01
say his name? >> Yeah. >> And he's a pure white. Um he's a um what
00:03:07
I like how they call a forever white >> like me. >> Yeah. You're forever white. Like you
00:03:12
guys are the good ones, >> right? >> You mean Pete, I think I would put you
00:03:15
in that category. >> What about McCone? >> Yeah. Not really >> cuz he he can turn on a dime. Yeah. And
00:03:21
his allegiances I don't know whose allegiances is too. >> He that he he is such a fence sitter. We
00:03:27
don't know where. >> We don't know where he is, dude. Yeah. Yeah. He's sort of like Pakistan,
00:03:31
>> right? >> Right. Who we're going to negotiate. >> We're we're doing the negotiations.
00:03:36
Right. Yeah. But what what's really going on here? Pakistan is great. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But so we um
00:03:46
he really hooked us up. This guy Cole, he's such a nice guy. I hugged him a thousand times. I was so grateful that,
00:03:51
you know, I mean, we were able to go >> and um >> who's the gentleman you're referring to?
00:03:56
>> Cole. He's the director. He's the director of the whole festival. Yeah.
00:04:00
Yeah. Really cool guy. Um >> um he looked after us and um we the only show I saw I I saw two shows. No, you
00:04:08
saw three. You were miserable at one. >> I barely saw one. >> Oh, who was the third?
00:04:13
>> Oh, so the f the first I say two. Sabrina Carpenter. Let me tell you about
00:04:18
Sabrina Carpenter. >> Fill me in. >> Okay, I will. Um, she's um a good
00:04:23
performer. >> Mhm. >> Pretty. >> Mhm. >> Uh, she gave it her all.
00:04:28
>> Mhm. >> Uh-huh. Um, I had rather been in an ICE detention center.
00:04:35
I'd rather been in a Japanese inter camp. Um, it was pure painful until, that's me, until Grandadonna came out.
00:04:45
And when Grandma Madonna came out, I was so excited. >> Grandma Madonna. >> Grand Madonna. Madonna came out. But the
00:04:53
Graham version. >> Oh, yeah. >> Old Madonna. >> Yeah. >> Grandma Madonna.
00:04:58
>> Yeah. Grandma Madonna. >> Yeah. Grandma. Grandmama Madonna. >> Yeah. Grandma Madonna.
00:05:01
>> Grandma Mad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And she did Vogue. And when you know
00:05:05
what I mean? >> Come on. Vogue. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Let your body move with the music.
00:05:10
>> She's a strike a pose. And when she strike a pose, she had her [ __ ]
00:05:14
walking her walker. >> Yeah. Her walker. >> It was incredible. >> Well, strike a pose. You know what I
00:05:20
mean? And she was doing that, right? She was doing a lot of leaning against, you
00:05:24
know what I mean? Objects. >> I heard Madonna's tour bus pulled up into the handicap parking spot.
00:05:31
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Wait a minute. >> But she was incredible. >> Was she a surprise guest?
00:05:34
>> Yeah, we heard. So, you know, I'm watching us. I I Here's another weird
00:05:38
thing is when you've never heard of the music. >> Uhhuh. >> I had I I kept calling what? Karen
00:05:43
Carpenter. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. Because I did I kept messing up I kept messing up the names.
00:05:47
>> Karen Carpenter. >> Karen Carpenter is a good performer is what I Look at Look at the set, right?
00:05:51
>> She was good. Karen Carpenter. >> Yeah. Karen Carpenter was so good.
00:05:54
>> Great musician. >> You barely see her. She's so skinny. >> So, this is this is Sabrina Carpenter.
00:05:59
>> Sabrina Carpenter. She's killing it on stage. But when you haven't heard the
00:06:02
music before, like not a single Have you heard of the music before? >> No, I didn't know anything.
00:06:07
>> Yeah. Yeah. I kept calling to looking at Carlos and the girls me Jules Issa are
00:06:12
going crazy like saying the words, you know. Espresso. >> Oh, espresso. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's her song.
00:06:19
>> Oh, yeah. >> Is it? >> How does it How does it go? >> I don't know. Espresso.
00:06:24
>> Espresso. Espresso. >> Get me an espresso. Hey. Hey. Hey. Why don't you get me an espresso? Let me do
00:06:31
the lyrics and see if I can get >> Yeah. Yeah. See if you can do it. >> Now he's thinking about me every night.
00:06:37
Oh, isn't that sweet? I guess so. Say you can't sleep, baby. I know. That's
00:06:43
me. Espresso, >> can you zoom it in? Maybe try me doing a lyric here. >> Yeah, let's hear it.
00:06:47
>> Move it up, down, left, right, on. Switch up like Nintendo. Say you can't
00:06:53
sleep, baby. I know that's me. espresso. >> I can't relate to desperation. My give a
00:07:02
[ __ ] are on vacation. And I got this one boy. He won't stop calling. When they act this way, I know I got them.
00:07:07
Wait a minute. Time out. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I can't relate to desperation. My give a
00:07:11
[ __ ] are on vacation. Yeah. >> Clean. Yeah. >> And I got this one boy. He won't stop
00:07:14
calling. Yeah. >> When they act this way, you know I got them. No. >> And I don't like that.
00:07:20
>> I don't like it either. >> Too bad for your ex. Don't do it for
00:07:22
you. Walked in a dream came true for you. soft skin and I perfumed it for you. Yes, I know it for you. Yes, that
00:07:29
morning coffee brewed it for you. Yes, that one touch brand I n it for you. Now we think about me every night. Isn't
00:07:35
that sweet? Guess you can't sleep. You know that how that's how it goes. That's
00:07:38
not how it goes. >> That's not how it goes. No. Yeah. Yeah. It was much slower.
00:07:42
>> Yeah. >> Well, it should have been faster. >> All if all the songs were faster, it'd
00:07:45
be like a 15-minute set. >> Oh, and you lied. I I turned to Carlos. I go, "How long is this?" He goes, "4
00:07:52
minutes >> her set." >> Yeah. And an hour. an hour and a half in, I looked at him. I go, "You're a
00:07:56
[ __ ] lawyer." >> It's cuz the strokes didn't play long last week, so I assumed it would be the
00:08:00
same amount of time. >> Yeah. So, um, but when Grandma Grandma Madonna came out, um, it was exciting
00:08:06
cuz she did, uh, Vogue Just Like a Prayer with uh, Karen Carpenter and it was like, um,
00:08:12
>> Just Like a Prayer is one of my favorite songs. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's so It was like then I
00:08:15
got goosebumps. >> Right. >> Right. And I was like, "Oh, fuck." You
00:08:18
know, this is incredible. But then I couldn't wait to get the [ __ ] out of there. Well, it's too many people, man.
00:08:24
>> Oh my. Well, in our area, >> you're in the VIP. Yeah. >> Yeah. He was by the trailers. Like Snoop
00:08:30
Dog walked by him and he's just like laying back getting recognized. >> Snoop walked by. Hi as a
00:08:35
>> Well, you're sitting next to a guy. He's like, you know, talking for a while and
00:08:38
and I go, "What do you do?" He's like, "Oh, I'm in the Suicidal Tendencies."
00:08:41
>> Oh, really? >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like that. It was that kind of vibe. You know what I mean? And
00:08:44
then, so then the strokes came on the second night. >> Wow. >> And that was fun.
00:08:50
>> They were They're good. They >> They were good. And then I turned to
00:08:52
Jules, Issa, and this kid, Kua. >> They do not know who are >> Easter Island.
00:09:02
>> They have no idea what's going on. >> Well, they don't know the strokes,
00:09:04
right? >> They don't know. And also, when when Madonna came out, Issa goes,
00:09:09
>> when who came out? >> Madonna came out. >> Who? >> Grandma came out. Yeah, Grandma. Issa
00:09:15
looked at Jules and goes, "Who is that?" >> Which is crazy. It's weird to be in this
00:09:20
like they're in a gap where that's too old. Uh and the strokes are not as old
00:09:25
as Madonna but not their style of music. >> So they're missing these two. That's
00:09:30
kind of wild. >> Also, when you're the oldest guy in the whole place, >> it feels weird.
00:09:35
>> No, you weren't. >> I know. I mean, you would see other But they're working.
00:09:38
>> It's like Rick Rubin and you. >> Yeah. Rick Rubin, me. There's a guy with
00:09:41
a camera that's like I mean, been doing it for 40 years. >> You're you're in a class of your own.
00:09:45
>> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So then we Oh, so we're sitting there the YouTube area.
00:09:49
>> It's lightly uh lit. >> And then then we to the second level above us was literally the Manson girls.
00:09:59
>> You mean like Charles Manson's? >> Yeah. Do you remember in Once Upon a
00:10:02
Time in Hollywood that girl that was hitchhiking? >> Yeah. Margari. >> So there's three girls up there. They're
00:10:07
wearing no shoes. >> Wait, Margaret Quali was right. >> No, no, no, no. It wasn't Marggo. That's
00:10:12
amazing. >> No, that's not that. No, they were wearing no shoes. They were like hippie
00:10:16
chicks at spawn ring. >> Yeah. AND THEY'RE JUST LIKE, "YEAH." OH,
00:10:19
AND YOU Here's the most >> That's cool, though. >> Here's the most or once I walked in,
00:10:23
this is the most annoying. I knew I wasn't going to have a good time. >> The lady at the um gate, she says to me,
00:10:30
"Watch this. This would annoy you." >> Yeah. >> I'm going through and she goes,
00:10:36
>> "Stay hydrated." >> Oh, yeah. >> Like, [ __ ] I know what water is.
00:10:43
Like I've been drinking water longer than you. I know about electrolytes. I know about the whole thing.
00:10:48
>> To be fair. >> What? I don't look like I'm hydrated. >> You look quite dry.
00:10:53
>> I do. >> No. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You're a sober guy. She's speaking to
00:10:57
the drug addicts that are there. >> That place is filled with people on drugs and and drinking heavily. Yes.
00:11:04
Most You know how many times how Google how many people pass out or need medical
00:11:08
help at a Coachella weekend? I guarantee you >> I guarantee you it's in the hundreds of
00:11:12
people >> because here's why. Every year something bad go people have they pass out people
00:11:18
overdose >> the weekend before a light bulb a gigantic light bulb this side fell on a
00:11:23
person's head. >> I heard about that. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> That's crazy. Look at this. What does
00:11:27
that say? 80 walking 21 am. Okay. 84 >> amputes right here. So last year, a
00:11:35
hundred people had to get emergency services because they're either too high. Yeah.
00:11:40
>> They're not drinking water, which is why that woman is doing her job.
00:11:43
>> Yeah. >> And if she's doing her job, it'll go down again next year.
00:11:46
>> It wasn't what she was saying. It's how she said it. >> You didn't like her her vibe.
00:11:50
>> Yeah. >> Drink water. Yeah. Like stay hyd. >> Yeah. You got to know
00:12:01
>> of like, you know what I I know how water works. >> Yeah, lady. I know how water works.
00:12:05
>> Yeah, I know how water You know how a water works, right? >> Just found out.
00:12:08
>> This stuff is fantastic. >> It's It's the best beverage on earth.
00:12:10
>> The best beverage on earth. >> Yeah. Yeah. But >> so so then you're backstage. The Manson
00:12:15
girls are there. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> This is a big group or did you guys
00:12:18
split up? Were you and Jules and Nissa were they did everyone? >> At that point it was me, the girl I was
00:12:22
seeing and Carlos and behind us were three Manson girls, you know what I mean? with no shoes on and they're just,
00:12:30
>> you know, I mean, just doing things, >> vibing, dude. >> I like that.
00:12:33
>> I know you liked it. That's when you said the other thing. >> Oh, yeah.
00:12:36
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they were like, you know what I mean?
00:12:38
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. And it's like like it's also I know how much it costs to be there in
00:12:44
that area. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? And they, you know, their feet are just dirt.
00:12:49
>> But you didn't have to pay for that area. They did. What you >> So that's what I'm saying. It's like
00:12:53
here's um so I was in the artist area and there was three blo from England. >> Hello mate.
00:12:59
>> Hello Mike. Right. And I go you and I go yeah. And they're like I go
00:13:04
what do you guys do? You know what I mean? We're investors. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. We're finance investors.
00:13:09
>> Yeah. >> And and so you realize it's just all rich people. >> Old money. We've got we've got really ow
00:13:15
money. >> Yeah. Really got >> Yeah. And then you realize when you're
00:13:19
there in front of a sea of people >> and you go in your mind, you're trying
00:13:24
to have a good time. >> Mhm. >> But in your mind, >> we're in a war.
00:13:32
>> Would you ever go >> to Coachella? >> Yeah. >> I I told you I think I I I went to like
00:13:36
the fifth or sixth one. >> Yeah. >> Ever? >> Yeah. >> And I've never been back. I went to it
00:13:41
and I was like, this is You know me. That is my nightmare. You know me, that's my nightmare.
00:13:48
>> Thousands of people like I can't do that. I I But you know, but you're
00:13:51
different in the fact that like you can enjoy you can enjoy like the scene with with with the family.
00:13:57
>> You can with the girls. >> Was I enjoying >> you eventually did? Yeah. You found like
00:14:01
good in it with I can go to one show if it's a one band I want to see one. I
00:14:08
can't do >> You can't sit through Karen Carpenter for the for like a festival of Karen
00:14:12
Carpenter. >> I can't do that. That gives me anxiety. I don't care.
00:14:16
>> Where did you poop? Where do you poop? >> Oh, in they have nicer ones now. Oh,
00:14:20
they do for the VIP. There's nicer ones. They look like like maybe a Nou um bathroom.
00:14:26
>> Yeah. Yeah, I went to Nou. I'll tell you at Coachella. >> Yeah, I I'll tell you about my Nou, but
00:14:30
I want to just say this. What? Yeah. >> So, the Nou was one thing. All right.
00:14:33
So, so I I made a I made a promise with myself. I'll never go back. I don't care
00:14:39
what it is. >> Thank you. >> It dep I don't care if it's the return
00:14:42
of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell. Whatever. Yeah. Return of Jesus Christ, right? I ain't going.
00:14:48
>> Would he play the main stage? You think >> they couldn't get Jesus on the main
00:14:52
stage? >> They're like, "Look." >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Ariana Grande beats the number.
00:14:57
>> Harry Styles is going to get main stage. >> He's a stage coach.
00:15:00
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> That's so funny. >> Jesus is at Bonnaroo.
00:15:03
>> Yeah. I mean, they could do the return of the Beatles and have George and
00:15:07
John's Bones up there. Just, you know what I mean? I I I would not go. You know what I
00:15:13
mean? I still would not marionette. >> Yeah, marionette. >> When you lose in my head
00:15:21
>> points of view, >> that would be so funny to say. >> I know.
00:15:27
>> Tax man. >> Get in the tax man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That' be so
00:15:32
>> You still wouldn't go. >> You wouldn't go. No, you would never go.
00:15:34
>> I would never go back. Right. Terrible. Do do the thing. So then Carlos says to
00:15:39
me, he goes, "I got you Nou." I go, "Where?" At Coachella. And I go, "Oh, that's cool.
00:15:48
Thank you." He's at 7:00. >> For my birthday, I got him Nou. >> How did you do that?
00:15:52
>> And for for your birthday, I got you Coachella. >> Thank you. I >> You know what I mean? So I think that I
00:15:57
won. >> It's not a contest. >> I know. But what you just said was
00:16:02
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> No, you did. You did do that. You You
00:16:05
just did do that. >> I'm a little edgy. I >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:08
>> Wait, why? >> Molly 18. >> So he gives me >> Oh, okay. Can I just say I want to say
00:16:14
this one? >> And I'm going to gnark on you. >> So, first of all, you [ __ ] lied cuz
00:16:18
when I called you and we talked, I said, "Did you do you do any drugs at Coachell?" And you said, "I didn't
00:16:21
consider Molly a drug because it's >> Oh, it's not just drugs. It's not just
00:16:24
Oh, I'm sorry. Can I interrupt? Can I interrupt? Can I interrupt?" >> Yeah.
00:16:28
>> I thought >> he comes out into the cuz we we Airbnb the house. Yeah.
00:16:32
>> He comes into the living room. I'm sorry. Happy birthday. He brings out a
00:16:36
Bible. >> Oh, no. >> Right. >> While you're on Molly. >> No. And he opens up the Bible. It's not
00:16:43
a Bible. >> It's a drug pharmacy. >> Carlos, >> you still have the drug Bible.
00:16:51
>> That's insane. >> Yeah. >> It's like a little travel case. His
00:16:55
little Bible. >> It has a lock on it. So proof. >> I know. Yeah. Oh, thanks. That's good.
00:16:59
>> Dog and kid proof. That's why I brought it. >> Written Arab Arabic.
00:17:04
still written in Arabic in his [ __ ] Bible, right? >> Inshallah. >> Yeah. And so, are you mad at that?
00:17:09
>> No. It made Bieber so much fun. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, then >> he makes me go to Nou now. It sounds
00:17:15
good. They make you go to >> No. Hold. Stop. Let him get it out. Where is the Nou?
00:17:20
>> Just in the middle of the festival. >> There's a Nou in the grounds. Like they
00:17:24
built a [ __ ] no. >> They built a Nou in the grounds. >> What? That's crazy. But unfortunately,
00:17:32
they built it. So you you're you're on a patio outside and literally 200 feet
00:17:38
away is the stage of the EDM festival, right? So you're eating you're eating
00:17:46
you're eating sushi in an earthquake. It was the most unpleasant human experience.
00:17:55
>> And I felt bad for the sushi chefs. >> Oh yeah, >> cuz you have to be there all day. Oh, I
00:18:00
bet they got paid handsomely. >> Oh, I I I hope so. >> I guarantee you they made so much
00:18:05
[ __ ] money on >> because they're there all day listening to this. >> That's the view from No,
00:18:12
>> I got to tell you. >> That's the view. That's the stage and
00:18:15
and that's not one speaker. >> That's all of the speakers. >> Yeah. That's the kind of speakers in
00:18:21
Close Encounters with Third Kind they communicated with aliens. >> Yeah. I mean, that's that speaker, too.
00:18:32
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and finasteride. I was in the desert. I was in Las Vegas. Yeah, Viva Las Vegas. Interesting place.
00:21:28
Interesting. >> I've been there. >> Like it >> as if I've never been there.
00:21:34
>> Do you like it? >> In what way? Exactly. In what way? >> Ditto.
00:21:40
>> Exactly. >> Ditto to you, my friend. >> Every time I go to Vegas, this
00:21:48
>> so much smoke. >> Oh, yeah. >> I can't breathe, dude. Michelle Wi says
00:21:51
hi, by the way. >> Who does? >> Michelle Wi. >> Oh, the athlete.
00:21:54
>> Probably the greatest female golfer on earth. She lo She loves you. >> Loves you.
00:21:59
>> Oh, I wish Bobby would come to something. >> Yeah. >> Michelle Wi West. One of the best. And
00:22:04
then when we were watching the strokes, Josh Adam Myers walks by like in the elite area.
00:22:09
>> Do his voice. >> I Well, hey, I'm Josh Adams. >> I don't know. And you know, he's with
00:22:16
the Strokes. >> Mhm. >> You know what I mean? >> Mhm. >> And I go, "Hey, Josh." He doesn't turn
00:22:20
around and textes me later. Where are you? >> Oh, you think he saw you and pretended
00:22:24
not see you? >> I don't know. >> That's [ __ ] up. >> I don't know.
00:22:27
>> Bobby, I >> You saw him, too, right? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. You think he did the thing
00:22:32
where it's like I don't >> I don't know. >> I love that move though. What?
00:22:35
>> I love that for him. >> Yeah, because he's in a different class.
00:22:38
>> What does that mean? What do you mean? >> He's with the band.
00:22:41
>> You're with the band. >> No, it wasn't. I was back. We went back
00:22:44
there to see them and I I couldn't get to him. >> Yeah, he was looking for the stroke.
00:22:49
>> I was. And you couldn't get to him? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> We couldn't find him.
00:22:53
>> We couldn't find him. >> Yeah. But there was We ran into that um
00:22:57
comedian Megan >> Stalter. Stalter. I said hi to her. >> Oh, me Stalter. Yeah. Me Stalter. So
00:23:03
funny. And then I we ran into um >> like Minnie Mouse. >> Yeah. >> She's funny.
00:23:07
>> Yeah. >> And this one kid, we don't still don't know who he is, but he had like um three
00:23:13
um what do you call him, Carlos? >> Oh, like >> piercings on his right eye
00:23:18
>> and he was kind of sweating. He was like, I just got off stage and mainstage. We still don't know who it
00:23:22
was. >> A comedian. >> No, he was a performer. >> Oh, yeah. There was no comedy at
00:23:26
Coachella, right? >> Imagine. I mean, they could have they could have a comedy tent and do very
00:23:31
well. I bet. >> You think so? >> Ask at other festivals like >> Yeah, they do that. What do you mean?
00:23:35
>> But you wouldn't it wouldn't be our types of comedy. >> I I looked at the demographic. There's
00:23:40
just no way. >> Who would it be? Who would headline Coachella? >> Okay. Oh, this is good. This is this is
00:23:44
good. >> I mean, first of all, Chappelle could easily do that. >> He could, but I'm talking about it would
00:23:49
be more um >> like on the smaller tents. >> A smaller tent. More of a I could see
00:23:54
Mosha Casher. >> Yeah. >> These types, you know what I mean? >> East side. East side comedy side. Yeah,
00:24:01
I get that. >> I could see uh David Cross doing well. >> No [ __ ] way. He would never go out
00:24:05
there. >> That's another that when I said that, I go I promise you this. I will not run
00:24:12
into a sing except for Meg, >> but she's an actress, right? I will not
00:24:16
run into a traditional standup comic here ever cuz there's just I imagine David Tell sitting there watching Karen
00:24:24
Carpenter. >> No, but that's but that's not true. There's there comics that are into
00:24:27
psychedelics would absolutely go to that. There's a lot of comics that like music and psychedelics and I'm sure
00:24:30
there's a lot of guys that would go do that. >> I I I just I never ran into one.
00:24:34
>> I bet you there's way more than you thought were out there. You think so? I
00:24:37
I I would assume that like Yeah. No, not you know. >> I couldn't see like a traditional
00:24:42
>> Not like Louis CK is not >> Yeah. There's no way Louis is going to
00:24:45
be there watching. Yeah. I mean, Sabrina Carpenter. >> No, but there's some people that are
00:24:48
that Yeah. There's some drug drug comics that like to get high and listen to
00:24:52
music. And >> also it What What When When did Bieber end? 1:00 a.m. >> 1:00 a.m. Imagine being out there at
00:24:58
1:00 a.m. in the desert. >> It was great. >> Yeah, he loved it. >> Yeah, I'm 54. My body couldn't do it.
00:25:04
>> You got to go home. >> I did the strokes and I did three hops and then everything broke.
00:25:08
>> Remember? >> He was hopping hard. >> Yeah, I was hopping hard.
00:25:10
>> I broke from the stroke. >> I mean it I couldn't bo anymore. >> You loved it though cuz you were on
00:25:19
MDMA. >> Yeah, I took it for Bieber. I didn't Yeah. >> Yeah, he did. No, you were taking it all
00:25:24
day long. I saw. >> No, those are mushrooms. >> Oh, okay. >> So, you're eating mushrooms all day and
00:25:28
then to Molly at night for Bieber? >> Yeah, it was the warm up. >> Yeah, it was warm up. Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:32
>> And then he slept in the house with you. >> He slept in the door. No, but I had to
00:25:36
lock the door. >> Yeah, I was next to >> Yeah. Yeah. He was literally right next
00:25:39
to me. I had to lock the door. >> How many? It was a lot of rooms. >> Yeah, there were a lot of
00:25:42
>> like 12 rooms. >> And you slept next to him? >> Mhm. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I had to lock his
00:25:46
door to my room. >> Yeah. >> Because I was with my friend and it's
00:25:50
like I didn't want him to walk in. >> Right. >> Right. Cuz that would be
00:25:53
>> that would be gross >> cuz then he would take his clothes off. >> 100%.
00:25:56
>> You know what I mean? And then to try to ram it in me. >> I thought about you on the week all
00:26:00
weekend because I was with a table of friends and one of my friends girlfriends >> didn't understand how I could pick out
00:26:06
which of the girls on the floor of the casino were professionals. >> Oh, it's so easy.
00:26:09
>> She's like, "How do you know?" I'm like, "What? It's so clear. Like, it's so
00:26:12
obvious what girls are out there." >> Oh, tell me the rules. >> What's the hottest one wearing nice
00:26:16
shoes? >> First of all, dead giveaway at any casino. You go to like the bar there. If
00:26:21
you're at a casino and you're not gambling and >> what casino? >> Any every all every everyone
00:26:26
>> all center of the because there's always a center bar. >> Well, there's always a bar that's near
00:26:31
where the tables are, right? Whether people are paying $80 a drink, but you can get a drink for free if you just
00:26:36
gamble. So, it's the dumbest [ __ ] >> Yeah. >> So, it's usually
00:26:40
>> uh a single girl sitting alone who's remarkably attractive wearing a dress
00:26:44
that's not even on her body. Yeah. >> And she's on her phone the whole time.
00:26:47
Yeah. Right. And then she's waiting at the bar for, you know, old man McGillicuy to sit down. Yeah. Who's got
00:26:54
a suit jacket? The old guys always have a suit jacket that are rich. They don't
00:26:57
dress like us. >> I love old men. >> Old men are the best. >> No. Middle Cuddy.
00:27:02
>> McGillicuy. >> Cuddy. >> McGillicuy. >> McGillicuy. >> McGillicuy.
00:27:08
>> McGillicuy. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Yeah. And they're always alone. They
00:27:12
always are alone cuz then what they do is >> old manically. >> Mckicoly is not alone. Oh, he's not
00:27:18
alone. >> He's with guys, but the professional is alone. And then she chums it up. Oh my
00:27:22
god. And then gives him the thought, oh, this is the And she's like, who you here
00:27:26
with? And he's with some some friends. She's like, let me get some of my
00:27:30
friends. And then you'll see the professionals start coming like moth to a flame. A few other hot girls will some
00:27:36
somehow show up out of nowhere or light bulb >> in his older what? >> Or light bulb.
00:27:40
>> Well, moth to a flame is the phrase, BUT YEAH, >> I'm just any kind of source of light.
00:27:45
>> Any kind of source of light. Yeah. >> Incandescent. >> I want to be
00:27:48
>> incandescent. Yeah. >> And they'll show up and then you'll just
00:27:51
notice >> Yeah. >> five very slovenly looking middle of nowhere men.
00:27:57
>> Yeah. >> With three to five >> unbelievably attractive women wearing
00:28:02
nothing half of their age. And you're like these guys are going to get run on
00:28:06
by these professionals. These girls are going to take these guys. And we watched
00:28:09
it happen like live. And my friend's girlfriend was like, >> "How did you how did you like call
00:28:13
that?" I was like, "It it's so see-through. Why would that girl talk to
00:28:17
that guy? >> Because he's got the cash, baby. Go to the high limit rooms.
00:28:22
>> Always a professional walking around or sitting kind of waiting near it.
00:28:25
>> I would have no idea. >> It's so obvious. >> We saw that in Vegas last time.
00:28:29
>> 100%. >> So you can pick them off from a mile away. >> Very easy. Yeah,
00:28:32
>> it happened when we were uh where was I just uh Oh, with >> Cuz my assumption would be like, "Oh,
00:28:37
she's her boyfriend's in the bathroom." >> No, >> you know what I mean? Oh, she's just
00:28:41
waiting for her boyfriend in the bathroom. >> You can always tell. >> Really? you. It's just there's a vibe
00:28:45
that they're doing that you're like they're they're obviously waiting for
00:28:49
their target. Like they're waiting for the target to arrive. If you walk up to
00:28:53
her and if guys walk up to her and flirt with her, which I'm sure they do, she
00:28:56
probably [ __ ] them off. >> Why? >> Cuz she's looking for the She goes
00:29:00
fishing. >> Mhm. >> She's not looking to be caught. She's fishing.
00:29:03
>> Oh, she's fishing. >> She's finding the idiot that she's
00:29:06
looking to take down. So, they find the guy. >> You when you see you see all these
00:29:09
things like target, take down. What is going on here? >> They're all in the military.
00:29:15
Yeah, cuz you're scaring me. >> Well, they work. They seriously work. So, like that's everything is strategy.
00:29:20
You can just see the way they operate. It's all strategy by the way they they
00:29:23
operate with these guys. But you we watched it happen and she was shocked. She like couldn't believe it. I was
00:29:26
like, "Well, we saw it in Vegas together. It was so you and then when I was with Gillis, same thing. We sit at
00:29:30
the bar. Me and D. Rosa are sitting at the bar >> having a cocktail."
00:29:33
>> Yeah. >> I'm about to go to bed cuz I play golf the next morning.
00:29:36
>> Yeah. And this girl is sitting alone and then she slowly is like kind of leaning
00:29:40
in on our conversation and she zones in on D. Rosa and I slowly fade off into the background,
00:29:47
>> right? >> And I can see it happening. >> You become a whisper.
00:29:49
>> And I texted him. I said, "Joe, don't do anything stupid."
00:29:53
>> Oh. >> And I disappoint. >> So, but what happens next? >> Then she chats who you get formal.
00:29:59
>> Tell me the rules. >> Then he buys her a drink. He buys her a drink. You can then it's like, "Oh,
00:30:02
let's have another have another drink." >> How much is that? >> Do you want to gamble? Drinks at those
00:30:06
bars are like 25 bucks probably. They're a ripoff. >> Yeah, but they don't drink. So,
00:30:09
>> and then she goes, "Oh, I want to go gamble. Do you want to g Oh my god,
00:30:12
let's go gamble. Just you and me. Separate him from the herd." Right. This
00:30:15
is how they kill their prey. >> They go, "Let's go gamble. You and me."
00:30:17
So, then they take him to a table. Dude, I I've seen it happen. >> I've seen it happen.
00:30:22
>> And then they take him to a table or they go, "Let's play slots." Whatever.
00:30:24
And it's like, >> so you can tell this guy, this target, right? You can call them the USA.
00:30:31
>> I mean, Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> So, you take the USA
00:30:36
>> into, you know, I mean, a hostile environment >> cuz the USA thinks he's the man. I'm the
00:30:40
man. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. YEAH. YEAH. I GOT MONEY. >> I GOT MONEY. >> I GOT MONEY. I'M I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY.
00:30:45
>> I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT. >> WHATEVER YOU WANT. OKAY. NOW, I'm
00:30:49
beginning to see it now. Yeah. >> I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah. Okay.
00:30:54
>> Maybe the greatest analogy of all time. >> I think so. I think so. I think it's
00:30:57
perfect. It's perfect. >> And they separate them. They start to gamble. They're drinking more. They're
00:31:00
gambling. Right. >> Maybe. Then then then comes in the dropout. >> Yeah.
00:31:04
>> Should we get a bag? >> Whoa. >> Do you want to Oh, do you like to party?
00:31:09
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Then this drops in. Right. Then you start to see the swirl.
00:31:12
>> What do you mean? What's a bag? >> Coke. >> Do you want a bag?
00:31:16
>> Should we get a bag? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. And then depending on if
00:31:20
>> Is that the term? >> Get a bag. Yeah. >> Yeah. Cuz I wouldn't know what that
00:31:23
meant. And she goes, "If you want a bag," I go, "A bag of groceries?" "Well,
00:31:27
you want you want Instacart? >> Let's go to Trader Joe. I wouldn't know
00:31:30
the term >> be so funny to take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's. >> Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:35
>> Yeah. You take her. >> This is what I meant. You know what I mean?
00:31:37
>> I just want stuff for my apartment. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Then they they ask for drugs and if the
00:31:41
if the subject is >> like if I said um I don't do bags. >> No, that's fine. You're probably less
00:31:47
likely now for her to attack harder. >> Oh, okay. So, give me the situation. All
00:31:51
right. I say Okay. I say All right. >> So, you're sober. >> Yeah. I'm I've been sober for four
00:31:55
years. >> Oh, >> and I'm I'm going to talk like Coachella. I just wanted to go. I was just there.
00:32:02
You know what I mean? Hydray. >> And then so I >> All right. So I'm the professional.
00:32:05
>> You're the professional. So Oh, yeah. I don't do drugs. I've been sober for 4
00:32:08
years. I don't have it back. >> That's no problem. >> There's That's not a problem.
00:32:13
>> Not at all. >> Okay. So what do we do next? >> Let's go gamble some more.
00:32:16
>> Okay. Let's gamble. So we're gambling. I spent about three grand. Right. And then
00:32:20
at one point, what happens after that? >> She goes, "Oh god, is this hotel nice?"
00:32:25
>> Oh, yeah. I have a suite here. >> You do? >> Yeah. Can we can I check it out? I want
00:32:29
to see. I've never seen the sweets here. >> Okay. >> See, you're in.
00:32:33
>> All right. So, we go to the elevator. Boop. You because you have to put the
00:32:36
boop. And >> you're in the elevator. >> Yeah. Yeah. And you take your You have
00:32:38
to hack your room key. Boop. It >> right. >> Yeah. So, once you see the room, I mean,
00:32:45
what happens? >> I just want to check it out. >> Oh, you want to check it out? All right.
00:32:48
We're in the room. >> Is there a mini bar in here? >> Yeah. >> I want to do a shot. Let's do a shot.
00:32:52
>> Yeah. I don't drink. I just [ __ ] said that. I don't do bags or drink.
00:32:54
>> Can I do a shot? >> Yeah, I guess. >> Okay. I do a shot. Right.
00:32:58
>> Ready? I'm feeling good. It's warm in here. Shirts off. Tits out.
00:33:01
>> Wait, Andrew. >> Yeah. >> She needs to go to the bathroom first to
00:33:04
text her pimp that she's okay. >> Oh, >> the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:09
>> By the way, by the way. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I've only seen this from the floor
00:33:11
level. >> Carlos needs to take it from here. >> Right. >> I I actually don't know the next move.
00:33:15
I'm making it up as we go. But >> that sounds right. >> She text her. Well, tell us what they do
00:33:21
when they get into the room. >> Yeah. Hold on. Can I use your restroom? And then like it's like 10 minutes. It's
00:33:25
way too long. like things are happening. >> How much does this cost, >> Carlos?
00:33:29
>> Yeah. >> In Vegas, a G minimum. And then she's going to be she's going to take her
00:33:34
shirt off. >> Yeah. >> She be like, "Oh, if you want to do anything else, you have to tip me."
00:33:37
>> So they take their shirt off. >> Yeah. They're like, "Okay."
00:33:39
>> And she says, "You have to tip me." But you already paid her $1,000.
00:33:43
>> Anything else is extra? You have to tip me. >> So $1,000 is just to hang with her.
00:33:46
>> Yeah. Just for 5 minutes. >> No, that's No way. >> That I'm serious.
00:33:49
>> For nothing. >> That's how they really I'm out. >> That's how they rip.
00:33:52
>> You're not even getting like a tuggy or something? >> No. That's how they rip people off in
00:33:56
Vegas or LA. You have to >> It feels too, you know what I mean? >> The only story I know
00:34:00
>> Yeah. >> I mean, other than the ones you've told me, but from a friend of mine
00:34:04
>> who isn't a guy that would do this usually, this was very out of pocket for
00:34:08
him, but I think he was newly single and going through a rough patch. >> Yeah.
00:34:12
>> This is a long time ago. But he told me um they were drinking and he thinks that
00:34:17
she drugged him. >> Well, okay. She know he knows. I mean, he was drinking all day. He was
00:34:21
hammered. >> Yeah. >> But then he passed out. Blacked out. passed out and then when he woke up his
00:34:26
watch and his cash were gone. >> Oh yeah, that happens to like NBA players all the time.
00:34:30
>> They I mean they call in their friends to call. >> Well then what's what's the worth what
00:34:34
is it worth it? There's it's not worth it. Not that way. >> Just jerk off.
00:34:38
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> No, >> that's what I do. Just jerk off.
00:34:42
>> Yeah. But see, but here's the difference. >> Or get on Lexapro.
00:34:46
>> Get in on SSRI. >> Yeah, >> that does help. >> This the commercial for SSRIs. Are you
00:34:51
having trouble with prostitutes? Let's get on an SSRI. >> No, but so have you been robbed before?
00:34:58
>> No. No, because I've >> But you know the stories. >> Yeah. You know,
00:35:01
>> so you keep doing >> I've been in those situations and I've
00:35:04
like backed out. >> But why are you still doing it knowing that it's dangerous?
00:35:07
>> Oh, that was so long ago. No, >> I'm the pro. >> No, but here's I know you're so But
00:35:12
here's the thing about you. >> You think you're the pro. You like you
00:35:15
like excitement. >> Yeah. >> You're you're sort of like a Navy Seal
00:35:18
in that way. Exactly. Where it's in no other way whatsoever. is so disrespectful to Navy Seals.
00:35:26
YEAH. >> LIKE some of the most like adored athletically, mentally, physically
00:35:32
strong. >> You are nothing like the Navy Seals. >> Except for this one.
00:35:35
>> Except for this. >> And we train in California. >> They train all They turn all over the
00:35:41
place. All over the world. Yeah. Water. >> By the way, he's going to run.
00:35:44
>> Are you good at water? >> I'm good at water. >> Okay. He's good at him swim.
00:35:47
>> No. >> Not a not a water guy. >> You're not You're not a water guy.
00:35:50
>> He's You know what you are? You're not a seal. >> Yeah, >> you're you're Well, you're a beached
00:35:54
seal. >> That's nice. You're chilling on the beach. >> Oh, it'd be so funny if his like you
00:35:59
know what I mean? His his patrol or what? Right. They're they're on they're
00:36:03
fighting. Where's Carlos? And he's still swimming. >> This is two days in.
00:36:09
>> 100 yards off the shore. I'm on my way. >> I be vaping the whole time.
00:36:13
>> You'd be vaping in the water. >> Yeah. You're not a seal.
00:36:15
>> Watching basketball on my iPhone. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, vaping I
00:36:18
wish overtook cigarettes completely because of this in Vegas every time. >> And now it's like people still smoke in
00:36:25
Vegas even though I know they don't smoke back where they're from. This game
00:36:29
people play. >> Just vape. Please vape cuz I don't I don't I'm huffing and puffing your [ __ ]
00:36:33
at the Just vape. Everywhere should be vape. There should be only sell vapes everywhere all over Vegas. No more
00:36:38
cigarettes. It's [ __ ] obnoxious. How is he a Navy Seal again? >> I forgot.
00:36:42
>> I spaced out. >> Oh no. I I know why. Because you like extreme Yes.
00:36:47
>> You mean you want you like danger? You like danger. You like living on the edge
00:36:51
even at your age. >> Aerosmith. >> Yeah. Yeah. And you like um the mystery
00:36:56
of it all. >> Yeah. >> Like the chase. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I've like run from the cops three
00:37:01
times. >> Yeah. You told me about the motorcycle thing and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:04
Yeah. >> But but so now you think you've got it at a place where if you get if you pay
00:37:09
for a friend >> Yeah. If we're going to say this eloquently, >> you think you're safe from any sort of
00:37:15
>> Oh, I know I am because I'm like a member of certain things where it's all
00:37:18
verified. >> What do you mean you're in a private club? >> Mhm. >> Oh,
00:37:23
>> yeah. >> I'm going to tell you this right now. Whatever. >> I want to know how much you pay to be in
00:37:27
the private club. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, I got in early. >> You got in early. You invested earlier.
00:37:31
>> Like it's I literally like it's AI. >> It's insanity trading.
00:37:36
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Who else is in there? >> Yeah. Who else is in there? What other
00:37:40
insider traders are in there? >> I feel like there are famous people in there, but I would
00:37:44
>> in your private club. >> Wow. >> I believe that if Carlos was a king
00:37:48
>> Oh, this is what you said about if I if Carlos was a king that we'd all be dead.
00:37:53
>> Popper. Popper. Popper. >> Yeah. What do you mean? >> Popper. Popper. Popper.
00:37:56
>> Was it a popper? Popp >> king. A prince or popper. He's a popper.
00:37:58
He's a popper. >> Yeah. Yeah. But do you think we'd be alive >> if he was a king?
00:38:01
>> Yeah. >> Only because of the loyalty that we've h he's had to us so far, we'd still live
00:38:05
through his his >> Yeah. But what position will we have? >> Well, ask him. He's right there.
00:38:08
>> Yeah. Like, so you're king. What position do I have? And be completely
00:38:11
honest. >> Well, obviously you're my court's jester. >> Yeah, that's fine. Of course.
00:38:15
>> You're my fool. >> What do I get, though? >> I'm your fool.
00:38:18
>> You're my fool. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You I keep you drunk and I make you
00:38:21
relapse. >> Wow. Okay. >> And you And you have a chain around your neck.
00:38:27
>> I do >> like a bear in Russia in like the 1800s. >> Yeah. But do I get like a condo or an
00:38:32
area to a good night's sleep? >> Oh, please in the castle to sleep. >> The jester lives in the basement. He I
00:38:38
live in the basement. >> No, I would give him like a really cool view of like the ocean.
00:38:42
>> Oh, go cool. >> Yeah, he gets everything. >> Can I get No. Ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
00:38:44
ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch.
00:38:45
>> NO CHAIN ALWAYS. >> WHY? >> YEAH, THERE'S JUST CHAINS and you have a
00:38:48
guy walking with you all the time to watch you. >> Oh, I have like a an assistant.
00:38:52
>> But no, it's a bodyguard, but he works for me. He's watching you all.
00:38:55
>> Right. Right. Right. >> Just making sure you don't get any ideas
00:38:58
to leave. >> Exactly. >> Anything. >> Yeah. Yeah. To anything.
00:39:00
>> All right. What am I? >> Well, just one last question. I'm sorry.
00:39:02
I'm the gesture, so I got to have a couple. >> Well, the gesture is not allowed to
00:39:05
speak. Really? >> I know. But how many times do I have to perform? How many times do I have to
00:39:08
perform? >> Whenever I want when I wake up, I need like a funny like ringtone.
00:39:13
>> Yeah. You go Oh, when like my phone rings, it has to always be on silent,
00:39:17
but you do the ringtone vocally. >> Exactly. >> Okay. >> All right.
00:39:22
>> I would love that one. >> Yeah. Yeah. Do I get to have a girlfriend?
00:39:26
>> Um, >> think carefully, King. This is why they're doing the no kings
00:39:31
protest, by the way. >> If you behave after like 3 years, we'll review it again. Oh, you get to apply.
00:39:36
Yeah. >> So, I get nothing until three years. >> Yeah, exactly. >> You get absolutely nothing.
00:39:41
>> I'm gonna change your taste in um humans. >> Do I get Wi-Fi? >> I'm going to turn you full gay.
00:39:47
>> Yeah. Do I get Wi-Fi? >> Yeah, you can have Wi-Fi. >> Okay, cool.
00:39:50
>> Turn him full gay. >> You get turn me full gay? >> Yeah. I'm going to do experiments where
00:39:53
I get him hard, but there's like pictures of men and so like reactivate his brain to only be attracted to men.
00:40:02
>> This sounds like just Hollywood. >> Yeah. Yeah. I've been in this casting.
00:40:06
>> Yeah, I don't want to be. Yeah, I try. Yeah, chain's a good idea because I
00:40:09
would want to get out. What is Andrew? >> Where am I on the king's on the king's
00:40:12
court? >> And don't don't talk out of fear. >> Yeah, don't
00:40:15
>> No, I have a good one for you. >> All right, good. >> Head of the air force.
00:40:20
>> Wow. >> With honor, my king, >> which means he's nowhere near you.
00:40:23
>> That's right. >> Yeah, he's out there. He's >> He's out there.
00:40:25
>> I'm out there. He's telling what drones to do what. >> What?
00:40:28
>> He's telling drones what to >> I'm starting [ __ ] war, dog.
00:40:31
>> Yeah. >> If he's the king, >> do we have communication? No. Why?
00:40:35
>> Only talks to me. >> Yeah, but I can't talk to him. Like, how's the war going?
00:40:38
>> Well, can I come see the jester war? >> You need a if you need a laugh and
00:40:42
things are too hard. >> Yeah. Yeah, you can come over. >> This is a romantic comedy that I'm the
00:40:46
head of of the Royal Air Force and I have to sneak to come see you do shows and afterwards we hang out late night
00:40:52
[ __ ] around. >> This is like a romantic love story. >> Infuriate me though.
00:40:57
>> You're never going to catch us. >> There'll be an opening on the door,
00:41:00
right? And and the chain only goes gets to the opening of the door, right? So you hear
00:41:07
and I go, "Handra going, hey." >> Yeah. How are you, buddy? >> Not great, dude. Two years I haven't
00:41:12
been delayed. >> Yeah. And I think I'm gay. Let me suck. >> I love you. I got to go. I got to go.
00:41:21
>> Yeah. >> I have to go bomb Iran. >> Okay. Yeah. All right. So, what is
00:41:25
Mcone's What is Men's job? Mhm. Oh, he obviously just like films and vlogs
00:41:30
everything for me, >> right? >> So, he's doing that. >> So, he gets a better job than me.
00:41:34
>> Yeah. >> No, you all do what y'all are best at. >> That's true.
00:41:38
>> Yeah. YEAH. BUT WHY DO I HAVE A CHAIN? >> CUZ YOU'RE THE BEST FOOL. Uh
00:41:42
>> you're the best fool. >> And the chain is because I always want
00:41:45
you to make me laugh and I think it will get tiring and and you won't be allowed
00:41:48
to leave. >> But eventually I I will stop making you laugh >> cuz you know my temperament.
00:41:53
>> Experiments. Oh, then you do like scientific experience on me. >> Does mouse all access to the to the
00:42:00
kingdom? >> He has a filming. >> He has an all access a band. >> This is where the king [ __ ] up.
00:42:05
>> All right. What? What? What? What? What band do I have? >> G. >> General admission.
00:42:11
>> You're gen admission. >> General admission for sure. I GAVE YOU
00:42:15
VIP FOR COACHELLA. >> WHAT DO I HAVE? What do I have? What band am I at? >> You're artist pass for sure.
00:42:21
>> Oh, I get artist pass. So, I'm not all access, but I just get >> Yours says AF. Air Force.
00:42:25
>> Air Force. Air Force Access. >> Yeah. >> And can I tell you something? Listen. He
00:42:28
This is where he [ __ ] up cuz the king already laid out the rules. >> Mone, you know damn well.
00:42:34
>> Oh no. >> Is going to eventually sneak down to the jester's cave.
00:42:37
>> Yeah. >> Because of his crush on you >> and break you free. You know he's going
00:42:41
to go behind Carlo. >> He will not. You know what will happen in that opening?
00:42:45
>> I'll just see a camera. >> He'd be filming you. >> He'll be just filming me. It's great
00:42:51
content. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's not going to help at with [ __ ]
00:42:56
>> I disagree. >> Am I right, though? You would try to break him out, wouldn't you, you little
00:42:59
[ __ ] >> Now, I'd film for a bit, but then when he was doing the same things, we did
00:43:02
something new for the video. So, we'll break him out. >> And Pete, where's Pete in this whole
00:43:06
thing? >> Yeah, Pete is not around a lot. >> No, we have a royal podcast every week.
00:43:10
>> Ah, and I like that. >> It's the only one available >> and he stays in the podcast space.
00:43:14
>> Yeah, he's a producer, but >> but he's not allowed to leave the
00:43:16
podcast room. >> He doesn't want to. We >> I'm a good podcaster. Can I be in the
00:43:20
podcast? >> Of course. You're the fool. >> My Air Force sergeant is telling me
00:43:25
something. >> No. No. That's a threat to security, sir. >> Oh, >> it is.
00:43:27
>> We can't have that. The king. >> Okay. All right. And then what does um
00:43:30
Andreas have? >> Well, this is interesting. What does the king do with Andreas?
00:43:36
>> Yeah. >> Head of fashion in our country. >> He designs the He designs the uniforms
00:43:45
for the military. The least fashionable guy on this show is the head of fashion.
00:43:50
That's the funniest thing I've ever said. That's insane. >> What's that? Did you What's the clothes
00:43:54
he >> wear? We're all working. >> Half plaid shirt. >> You end up he ends up designing the
00:44:05
kingdom. It's all you kingdom. [ __ ] >> Oh my god, it would look terrible. Oh my
00:44:09
god. >> And we're changing the language. And Andreas is uh the head of that. We're
00:44:13
changing it to Spanish. >> We're going to be speaking Spanish. >> Yeah. It'll be like we're in LA.
00:44:16
>> Yeah. >> How can I be funny? I don't know Spanish. >> You're going to learn it. You're going
00:44:21
to >> Oh, okay. >> A Mexican cartoon or something. >> The gestures only have one good phrase.
00:44:25
Look up in Spanish how to say um piss in my mouth. >> Here. >> Let's hear it.
00:44:41
>> That's all I say. >> Very good. The gesture just flux, bro. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Constantly people
00:44:48
peeing in my mouth. >> Wow. That's how you feel about me. >> That's how you feel about me?
00:44:53
>> You really did? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You're You're so funny. There's a lot of
00:44:56
creativity to throw. >> Yeah. Yeah. I bought for every meal at Coachella. >> No.
00:45:01
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I got you VIP and good Coachella. >> We got better than VIP.
00:45:04
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got you um a free place to stay in in Coachella. >> Thank you.
00:45:09
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm still the gesture gets his peed on and is gay.
00:45:15
>> I thought it >> Is that the rule? >> I I thought it'd be an honor.
00:45:18
>> It's not an honor, dude. It's a disgrace. I get the worst job in your
00:45:22
kingdom. >> No, it's incredible. >> It's not incredible, DUDE. I HAVE A
00:45:25
CHAIN on my neck. I live in a cave. >> But for me, it's gray. We get to hang
00:45:29
out all the time. >> NO, I'M NOT HANGING out with you, dude. >> Well, no. He's You're hanging out with
00:45:34
him. He's not hanging out with you. That's the difference. You have to hang
00:45:37
with him. >> I'm going to tell you right now. >> Click on that one more time. Yeah. What?
00:45:40
Just let me hear it. >> And >> we got to make a merch shirt of him going
00:45:47
piss in my mouth. Orina. >> I bet I could convince him to move up, I think.
00:45:53
>> No chance. >> Oh, dude. I'm I'm He's so highly manipulative.
00:45:56
>> The power. Look at That's you. That's you and Carlos. >> YEAH.
00:46:04
>> Oh my god, dude. IT'S SO [ __ ] OH MY GOD. THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL. THAT'S
00:46:14
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME, DUDE. >> BECAUSE I THINK that's fun, man. IT MAKES
00:46:18
>> THAT'S FOR ME, THOUGH. >> I LOVE YOU, DUDE. >> YEAH, THAT'S NOT LOVE.
00:46:22
>> FORCE LOVE. >> I'M [ __ ] >> NO, IT'S FORCED LOVE. ALL RIGHT. Force
00:46:26
love. >> It's force love, >> dude. I want that photo here. I want
00:46:30
that in the studio. Yeah, >> that is Mary Evans. That's amazing. >> Now, what does Jules get? Rudy. M.
00:46:38
>> Oh, that's interesting. >> She's like in our CIA. >> Oh, she's in She gets a higher position
00:46:42
as well. >> Zero dark. Zero dark. >> Zero dark 30. She is watering. >> She is our assassin. She's our secret
00:46:48
assassin. >> Secret assassin. Knives water. >> I'm going to work closely with her on
00:46:51
using her to infiltrate other kingdoms to try to make yours more expensive. >> You have so much. You guys get so cool.
00:46:56
You know what I would do? I would do a monochrist. I would take a a piece of rock
00:47:01
>> and start slowly >> 25 years slowly chipping away at a you know I mean I just need a like a Breijit
00:47:07
Fonda some poster >> good double good double reference I like it >> yeah
00:47:13
Shaw Shank Monte Crystal right I one day I would go for my birthday >> what' you say they have fussy britches
00:47:18
>> yeah yeah can I can I get a um whatever poster what is that >> oh you're going to wake him he's going
00:47:24
to wear one of those a [ __ ] mask >> we're trying to do that >> so when you try to break Oh. Oh. When
00:47:29
you catch me. >> Yeah. >> So, you're going to do poster inspections?
00:47:33
>> 100%. I've seen Shaw. >> OH, HOW [ __ ] >> You're going to be in a [ __ ] mask.
00:47:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Iron mask. >> Are there other people? Let me ask you
00:47:40
this. >> Hey, by the way, can still arena in Mioa in that too? >> Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:46
>> It's in your eye. Look at that. Look how big the whole mouth is. >> Yeah. And it's it's so close off on the
00:47:51
neck, it fills up. >> Oh my god. What? Those eyes are pre-cut for you. >> I want the right one. That looks cooler.
00:47:59
>> That looks like yours. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That looks cooler. I look like Batman [ __ ] mask.
00:48:03
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> So, are there other um people where I'm living the caves? Are there other
00:48:09
people? >> I love you. Don't worry. >> Oh, oh, I'm not worried.
00:48:12
>> He wants to know about community. >> Oh, look at the look at the [ __ ]
00:48:14
ocean while in a that mask and a [ __ ] chain. >> Well, that's the only thing if you
00:48:19
misbehave, dude. >> Where's the castle, by the way? What location are we?
00:48:22
>> What does the castle look like? Try to find it. No, we've moved the capital um
00:48:26
from DC to LA. >> So we live here and we live >> Malibu. Malibu >> Malibu.
00:48:31
>> That's at least nice. >> Iron Man for you. >> Where? I don't live
00:48:34
>> for all of you but me. >> No. >> I'm the head of the Air Force. I live
00:48:38
way in the middle of No, you live at the castle on the sea. That's This is where
00:48:41
you live. >> Yeah. You know what I get? This is what I'm going to do. I'll look out the
00:48:44
window and go, "Oh, there's Mel Gibson running on the beach." >> That's what the c what the castle looks
00:48:49
like. >> Bowser's castle, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Honestly. And then where am I now? Just
00:48:55
like >> So this is where I'm at all the time. >> Yeah. >> Penthouse.
00:48:59
>> The penthouse. Yeah. Where am I at? >> In the face. >> Well, that's not the facing the ocean.
00:49:04
>> Oh, well, >> it's Oh, that's facing the ocean. >> It is.
00:49:06
>> It's ocean of lava. >> All right. So, can I see the left tower
00:49:10
or far left tower? Can I be there? >> No, dude. You don't get to choose.
00:49:14
>> There's only so many chains. >> It's a chain issue, dude.
00:49:18
>> You have plenty of chains. Also, dude, that that left that that left tower,
00:49:21
that's the bathroom. >> Oh, it is? Yeah. >> I'd rather Okay.
00:49:25
>> Yeah. See, you'll live up there. >> Oh, where? Near you. >> Yeah. Yeah. You're right under me.
00:49:29
>> Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to sleep. I'll tell you that. Am I screaming?
00:49:32
>> You know, they used to do that. They used to like carve out little pieces so
00:49:34
they would poop over the wall outside of the castle. So, it would fill up the moat with like poop and pee and stuff
00:49:39
like that. So, it would deter people from trying to swimming through it. >> Am I near there?
00:49:42
>> You're by the poop pee moat. >> Yeah. But you also have to clean it
00:49:45
because I want It has to be see-through. So he gets to clean the poop moat every
00:49:49
day. Oh, he collects the [ __ ] buckets >> whenever HE WANTS. >> OH, WHENEVER I WANT.
00:49:55
WHENEVER. All day long. >> Yeah, it's whenever. >> He collects the [ __ ] buckets from all
00:49:59
the >> You know, my work ethic that is going to be filled with [ __ ] and peeing. I ain't
00:50:03
doing [ __ ] >> You're going to love the iron mask. Then >> I'll wear the iron mask and pee in my
00:50:07
face. I don't care. >> This is the issue. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's a big issue.
00:50:12
>> Your colony would be called the [ __ ] castles. Ah, down at [ __ ] cast.
00:50:16
>> All right. You're the king. >> Oh, brother. >> Yeah. Yeah. What am I?
00:50:19
>> Phenomenal. >> What am I? >> If I'm the king. >> Yeah.
00:50:24
>> What are you? >> Yeah. >> I would I You're going to not like this
00:50:27
answer. >> What? >> You're not going to like this answer. >> Oh, all right.
00:50:33
>> You're going to be my queen. >> Oh, that's way better than [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:50:37
fa pace. >> Yeah. But but but the queen gets beaten daily. >> Oh, yeah.
00:50:43
>> By you. >> All of us. >> By the king. Oh, >> my entire court.
00:50:52
>> And the queen's only allowed one phrase. >> Eat what? >> It's in my mouth. Yeah, it's the same
00:50:56
phrase, >> dude. I get treated like [ __ ] in this. >> No, no, no, no. You're my queen.
00:51:04
>> Let's be real. I don't want to be your queen. You could have a woman.
00:51:07
>> No, >> your wife. >> No, I want you. >> Yeah. No, I know.
00:51:09
>> You're my little >> Give me something aside from queen. I'm
00:51:12
begging you. >> All right. You'll be my geisha girl. IS THAT CAN I BE VICE PRESIDENT? Do you think
00:51:19
Give me a good rule. >> Do you think in medieval times you would be anything but a a jester or Gisha
00:51:23
girl? That's what you would be. >> No, no, no. Give me How about this? Just
00:51:27
send me out and I'll like be like a um what do you call it? >> Can't trust you in the field.
00:51:32
>> No. Like you go you're a representative IN BELGIUM. >> NO. >> YES.
00:51:37
>> That's you there. >> What What can't I have? What do you call
00:51:43
them? Um, >> an ambassador. >> An ambassador. Give me an am Alaska. >> We can't have you represent us.
00:51:48
>> Yeah. Anywhere. >> No. >> Yeah. Yeah. How about a place that no
00:51:51
one wants to go? >> Where? >> Right. Like, you know that little area
00:51:54
between South America and North America where all those snakes and all that where people can't walk?
00:51:59
>> Central America. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Central America. >> There's a chunk of land where there's no
00:52:04
roads. It's impossible to get through because of it's just the terrain and no
00:52:08
one lives there and because there's so many snakes. >> The guy in Plurbus got through it.
00:52:11
>> Yeah. So, that area? Yeah. >> Yeah. Can I be the that? >> But then you're going to live there.
00:52:17
>> Yeah, I will find a way to live there. >> I don't like you begging. No castle.
00:52:23
>> I can't even get that. >> My queen. Back to the castle. >> Oh, [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] with both. How
00:52:29
about you, Pete? >> Pete's my designated toe sucker, by the way. >> Oh, yeah.
00:52:33
>> Pete sucks my toes every single night. >> I'll do it. >> Lucky.
00:52:36
>> And see, I'll do it. See, >> can I do toe sucking? No way. Do my toe
00:52:39
sucking ability. >> You're not sucking toe. >> Yeah, dude. >> No. beats on it.
00:52:43
>> I'll even >> I'll even rim the toes. >> You want me to rim your toes?
00:52:49
>> All right. >> All right. Okay. Well, Carlo, what would Carlos be in my kingdom? What would he
00:52:53
be in your kingdom? >> Oh, dude. He wouldn't be in the kingdom. >> Oh, so now this is retaliation. Is that
00:52:59
what enemy? >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're definitely enemy of state. Yeah. You're number one on the
00:53:03
FBI most wanted list. >> You're Bin Laden. >> That's cool. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:08
>> And everybody's hunting you. >> Everyone's hunting you. >> Yeah. every country. I'm going to have
00:53:13
everyone uh hunt you. >> Sounds awesome. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're a dead
00:53:17
man, dude. >> Andreas would be my my groundskeeper for sure. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:53:21
>> He'd make everything so nice. >> Not fashion, but ground. >> Ground. Ground. He can do fashion in the
00:53:25
grounds. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> If he wants to des landscape, he can >> he can desc.
00:53:36
>> Oh. >> Oh. And he's the head head lesbian leg. >> The head leg of the lesbian legs show.
00:53:41
Yeah. Yeah. Cuz your legs are like a lesbians. Just puffy, wide, thick. You know what I mean?
00:53:45
>> Come over here. >> Let me see your legs. >> Yeah. Your legs are the worst.
00:53:48
>> We got to see these things. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You do have weird legs.
00:53:52
>> Yeah. >> Take your pants off. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Subaru Outback.
00:53:58
>> Yeah. Subaru Outback. Yeah. >> Those are those are kind of like lesbian.
00:54:01
>> If you shave them, they would be lesbian-like. >> Yeah. >> Get out of here, softball player.
00:54:06
>> Yeah. >> McCone in my in my world in my kingdom. I would send him on missions that have
00:54:10
no purpose whatsoever >> just to get him out of the kingdom for a little while. You know, I'm like, "You
00:54:17
have to go to the land of Quanang and find a three-legged woman." >> HE'S GONE for like 6 months,
00:54:24
>> years. >> And he comes back defeated, >> "My lord, I could not find a
00:54:27
three-legged woman." >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Fine. Then you'll complete yet another
00:54:30
mission. You'll fail yet one more. >> Yeah. >> And I'll send him out again to do what?
00:54:34
>> What? >> What's the other mission we send him out for? >> Oh, stats.
00:54:37
>> Stats. >> Yeah. You must go to Kolonga >> Konga >> and count every single strawberry ever
00:54:44
grown in one season. I don't want the numbers off at all. >> And if they are
00:54:49
>> Yeah. If they ARE >> OFF WITH YOUR HEAD. >> OFF with your head.
00:54:51
>> This is what you do on tour already. You'd send me on impossible missions.
00:54:55
>> Impossible missions. The best. >> I love sending him on missions.
00:54:58
>> And then you criticize him when he comes back and he fails them cuz of course he
00:55:01
would fail them. How could he do anything otherwise? >> Pete would be executioner.
00:55:05
>> Oh. >> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have him with the the the black so accurate.
00:55:10
>> It's so accurate. Black. No one knows who you are, so don't feel guilty.
00:55:14
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You can tell it's Pete. >> Yeah. I'll be good at it.
00:55:17
>> Look, it's just that >> that's that. Yeah, that's Pete.
00:55:19
>> Yeah. But he walks up. He's like, "Hey, it's Pete." He
00:55:22
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People know his name. >> Pete. Yeah. It's Pete. Pete the Butcher.
00:55:26
>> Pete the Butcher. >> Yeah. There's There's a You mean >> Yeah.
00:55:30
>> Pete the Butcher. >> Pete's so funny. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. That's me.
00:55:34
>> Yeah. >> We try to cut off somebody's head. the rig doesn't work and Pete's like it must
00:55:37
be the USBC wire that's not Yeah. Like oh [ __ ] >> And then Andreas for me would be
00:55:42
spokesperson. >> A lot of miscommunication. >> I know. That's why that's why
00:55:47
>> right what I tell him is not going to be No one's going to understand what he's
00:55:50
saying. >> It's like code. >> Yeah. It's code. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:53
>> It's actually brilliant. >> Yeah. It's no one's going to understand.
00:55:55
>> No one's going to understand what he's saying. >> We plan to visit tomorrow.
00:55:59
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> What do the king's communicator say? >> You speak only through him.
00:56:03
>> Yeah. And I go, "Well, you know, all the information I told him."
00:56:07
>> Italian Trump. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. I tell you this right now. In two
00:56:11
weeks. In two weeks, it'll be done. You know what I mean? >> But yeah, I would be he would be my
00:56:19
communicator. >> But for fashion, I would have to go go for outside help. >> Yeah. Who's designing?
00:56:25
>> Rick Ingram. I mean, that's Just standard gap. >> Just guy. >> Yeah. Guy. Gap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:38
I mean, I'm not dressed like that as the king. >> You make your court.
00:56:42
>> No. I'm Balenciaga. You know what I mean? Gucci. You know what I mean? But
00:56:44
like everyone else, Rick is one of the funniest comics in the world. >> In the world.
00:56:48
>> But he has just standard common people fashion. >> Shirt. >> Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:54
>> T-shirt, jeans, and [ __ ] you know, >> I'm that way though. I'm t-shirt. I'm
00:56:59
standard white. >> Yeah. Yeah. Standard white. >> Standard white. A standard white
00:57:02
clothing style except for me. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Except for you. The king.
00:57:06
>> The king. >> And the king wears what? What does the king wear? >> Oh, Jesus Christ. Um, probably every day
00:57:12
is a different, you know, vari. And then like >> No, Vra is the knockoff. >> Verac.
00:57:26
>> Oh, [ __ ] >> What king was known to have the best fashion? Louis the 14th. They said this
00:57:31
guy was >> best fashion. Also was gay, right? I mean, he was gay. Give us like a
00:57:36
straight king. That's Bobby Lee. >> Yeah, >> that's 100% Bobby Lee.
00:57:40
>> Well, do you are you going to do anything for your birthday? >> I did it all weekend. I I'm going to
00:57:46
watch Euphoria and take Xanax later. That's my big plan. >> God, >> what's this big about Euphoria? I I I
00:57:51
I'm not Have you done it, Bob? >> Euphoria? No. I see the kids watching it
00:57:56
and I I try to sit there and watch >> and it's like not my thing. >> Not for you.
00:58:01
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Well, good. Have fun on Euphoria. We We got you a little something.
00:58:04
>> Yeah, we did. And also, you know, as you get older, you know, there's just some
00:58:08
things you just can't watch anymore. >> Why? What Euphoria? Why >> I think this has Let's tie it into
00:58:13
Coachella. It's just like there's there's a language that it's just it's
00:58:18
just too young and too new and hip. And >> I like how you're bringing out Carlos's
00:58:23
cake to me, but it's going to him. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Well, for the cameras,
00:58:28
>> you guys are also on camera in the booth. >> Yeah. >> Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to
00:58:36
you. Happy birthday, dear Carlos. >> Happy birthday to you. >> 38. >> 39.
00:58:47
>> 39. >> Make a wish. >> Wow. >> Wow. 40 next year, dude.
00:58:51
>> Mhm. >> I can't believe it. >> And you know what he said by 40, you
00:58:53
know, he's going to have >> what? >> Oh, yeah. I'm going to have hair.
00:58:55
>> He's going to get his hair done. >> Have hair. Yeah. >> So, he'll have hair before while he's 40
00:58:58
years old. And those are nuggets, right? And then we also got you an Airwan smoothie there from uh Which smoothie is
00:59:02
that? Who's is that? Is that one of the girls that was at Coachella? >> The Haley Bieber one.
00:59:05
>> There you go. >> [ __ ] yeah. >> Was she there? >> Yeah, dude. She was
00:59:09
>> Does she sing? Is she a perform? What does she do? >> She's Alec or Steven Baldwin's daughter.
00:59:14
>> I know. She's married to Justin Bieber. I'm saying, does she What does she do?
00:59:16
Is she a singer? >> Hang. She's a mom. She's a beauty. >> Before she met him.
00:59:21
>> What are you angry for? >> Cuz they're saying it like >> she's a nice person.
00:59:25
>> I'm saying she's so [ __ ] angry for >> What did she do? >> Oh yeah. She
00:59:28
>> She's a [ __ ] Al Ball's daughter. >> She just famous. >> Yeah.
00:59:31
>> Oh, that's so good. >> Is that good? >> Yeah. Hell yeah. Thank you, guys.
00:59:35
>> Dude, I did, you know what I did the other day when I was in Arizona before I
00:59:38
went to Vegas? I did the Bad Boy >> the Bad Boy mini bar. >> I went back to the room, watched movies,
00:59:43
and I ate clear. I ate the entire [ __ ] mini bar. >> You were that hungry. Beef jerky, two
00:59:47
bags of chips. I was just like feeling I was having a night, dude. >> Done that in our room.
00:59:52
>> It's so fun. Isn't it so fun to clear it out? Cuz you're like, I might as well
00:59:56
get for the other [ __ ] I was like, chocolate almonds. I was like, yeah, absolutely. And then I was like, you
00:59:59
know, I'm being pretty good with these. >> Yeah. Gummy bears. >> Gummy bears. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you hate
01:00:04
it when you go to a hotel and there is no >> It's a joke. >> It's a joke. They have a empty
01:00:09
refrigerator. Like you have to go and >> No snacks. >> No snacks. Here's the Here's Let's name
01:00:14
the things that are there. >> Okay. Yeah. All right. There's always like a um artisan bag of potato chips.
01:00:20
>> Yeah. A brand local. A brand that you a brand that you don't know. >> You've never heard of.
01:00:23
>> Yeah. >> Mama Jenkins Hickory Barbecue. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like local.
01:00:27
>> Local owned. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Number two, beef jerky. >> Always.
01:00:30
>> Always beef jerky. >> And another brand that I've never heard
01:00:32
of. >> Yeah. Another brand you've never heard of. Right. >> And it's always in the city that you're
01:00:36
from. >> Tunics Ranch. >> Right. >> Fine. >> So gummy bears is always another one.
01:00:41
Got to be. Yeah. There's got to be. And then one of the variations of nuts, either mixed nuts or or just um or just
01:00:47
uh uh cashew cashews or almonds. >> Almonds. Yeah. Yeah. There's always a
01:00:50
chocolate covered almond thing sometimes. >> I do love those. >> I do I eat the [ __ ] out of those. So
01:00:54
good. >> What else do they have there? Um >> Well, it depends on the class level.
01:00:59
>> Yeah. >> Cuz sometimes at a high class hotel, it'll be peanut M&M's, but they'll put
01:01:03
it in a jar. >> So it'll be like not in the bag, they'll put it in another jar. Just [ __ ]
01:01:09
Yeah. Like this at the wind. >> Yeah. They just put it. They just put it in something else.
01:01:14
>> But and yet you still eat it and it looks healthier because it's in a jar.
01:01:19
>> And then in the jar better for you. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know in Hawaii
01:01:22
what they do is they gave me a fresh fruit of of fruit. >> Fresh fruit of fruit.
01:01:28
>> Sometimes they give you a fresh fruit of fruit. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you can get it. And
01:01:31
then when it's through Carlos and um Gilbert's wife Cindy, right, >> I get I I always open the refrigerator
01:01:38
there and there's Diet Coke, >> water, and sugar-free Red Bull. >> What else do you need?
01:01:42
>> Yeah. So, it's like it's like catered to me, >> which I really appreciate.
01:01:47
>> Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah. But I think um I would ra I don't want to be gesture.
01:01:54
>> What if I left a girl in there for you? >> That That's okay. Good. Now we're
01:01:57
negotiating. >> Yeah, but she's she's 7 foot2. Yeah. >> And she weighs 385 lbs.
01:02:03
>> She's a man. >> It's fine. She's a man. Now, let me ask
01:02:05
you this. When you put your >> It's back to the gay thing right away. >> Yeah.
01:02:10
>> Now, >> I took this in Australia. >> I was after you cleared out our mini
01:02:14
bar. >> Passed out and I ate the entire mini bar. >> I was so hungry.
01:02:18
>> We came back. I was like, "Let me in your [ __ ] room." >> And I ate their whole mini bar and then
01:02:23
I slept in McCone's bed. >> What did we watch on T? We were watching a movie. We were watching uh like I
01:02:30
think Fear and Loathing. >> Oh yeah, we were. >> Wow. Great. >> By the way, you see that bag of chips
01:02:34
next to me? >> Yeah. Gone. >> Gone. >> I [ __ ] peeled off everything in your
01:02:39
mini bar and then I charged my headphones there. >> Now, how long do you keep the do not
01:02:43
disturb on your door? >> The entire [ __ ] weekend. >> So, you don't let them clean your room
01:02:47
one weekend. >> I don't need it. Just give me new towels. I just want new towels. Unless
01:02:51
Unless it's if I'm alone. >> Yeah. >> If my wife's with me, we get service.
01:02:56
Yeah, >> but I'm alone. Leave me alone. I keep it at 65°. >> Give me new towels. Leave me alone.
01:03:03
>> I'm a service hunter. >> Oh, you are? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm one of those rare
01:03:07
service hunter. >> You want it all the time? >> No. What I do is >> meet you meet them at the bar.
01:03:13
>> You ask. >> What I get is because my do not disturb sign is always till 3:00 4 p.m.
01:03:17
>> Yeah. >> And they stop kind of like they go home or whatever. So I'll take it off. I'll
01:03:22
go to the front desk and go, "Where are they? where are they? >> And they're like, "We have one on floor
01:03:28
three." And I'll go to three >> and I'll go to every room to see where
01:03:32
they're cleaning and I'll give them $100 >> to come clean your room.
01:03:35
>> And I go, "I'm in room 819." Great. >> Right. Clean clean room, but I'm a
01:03:39
service hunter. >> Okay, let's do the rules then. >> What are the rules?
01:03:42
>> If you have the ser if you have service come to your room every day and you're
01:03:46
doing a three-day stint, Friday night, Saturday, Sunday night, right? Or Thursday, Friday, Saturday, whatever.
01:03:51
>> How much money do do you leave money every day or at the end of your stay? Do
01:03:54
you leave a tip at the end of your stay? And hold on before you answer. >> Okay. I already know the answer, but
01:03:58
>> I know you do, but listen. But it's But you're gonna hear why I Pete,
01:04:04
>> I'm listening to you. >> Pete, >> Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Do you leave
01:04:06
every night money every day when they clean or do you leave it at the end of this day?
01:04:10
>> I'd leave it at the end. >> End of the day. And what do you leave,
01:04:12
Pete? >> 100 bucks. >> 100 bucks. No matter what, right? >> Yeah, that's the tip.
01:04:17
>> What do you do, Mone? >> Uh, >> he asked me for money. Go on, Carlos.
01:04:21
>> Cash. >> What do you do? You do every night. >> Oh, no. And the end.
01:04:25
>> The end. >> Okay. How much >> you leave? >> 200. >> No, he doesn't.
01:04:30
>> He's a liar. >> He's a liar. >> I just eat your nuggets.
01:04:32
>> Don't eat your nuggets. >> Look at me in the face. Yeah. >> 20 bucks.
01:04:35
>> Yeah. Open up your pocket. >> I bet you leave 20 bucks. >> I didn't even know you had to tip them.
01:04:39
>> See, that's what I'm saying. Why'd you lie? >> What the [ __ ] do you mean you don't know
01:04:42
you have to tip them? >> They have a job. >> Oh, I see who you voted for.
01:04:47
>> I thought you only tip >> I know who you voted for. I thought you
01:04:50
only tip waiters >> just that's the only people you tip in public. >> Okay.
01:04:55
>> I tip Here's the thing. If I get up early to get the breakfast >> in in the room.
01:05:01
>> No, I go out >> downstairs. >> Yeah. I get the breakfast. Correct.
01:05:04
Right. >> I take it off and and if I go back up and they already cleaned it, I leave no
01:05:09
tip >> because I still have to service hunt then. >> Correct. >> Right. Yeah.
01:05:13
>> Yeah. I mean, and service hunt takes a long time sometimes. Right. Right. But
01:05:17
if they're if I catch them in the act of cleaning, right, then I tip. >> Got it.
01:05:22
>> Right. But when I actually service hunt, I tip. >> Get it. Got it.
01:05:26
>> But if it's already clean, then no need. >> No need. Right. >> Yeah. That's my thing.
01:05:30
>> I do it if I I I only do it at the end because of this. >> How do you do it?
01:05:34
>> I don't want people coming and going. So there's always a little notepad with a
01:05:36
little pen always on a desk somewhere and I write, "Thank you so much." And
01:05:40
then if I've acquired something like this weekend, I left >> that we got a swag bag of stuff I just
01:05:45
didn't want. I was going to bring it from a cone, but all the other things I've given him are where
01:05:49
>> in the backseat of your [ __ ] car. >> I gave him a ton of clothes, new swag.
01:05:53
Throws them in his [ __ ] Accord in the back. >> Yeah. >> Very nice, dude.
01:05:57
>> I'm going to not give you [ __ ] anymore. >> I have backups in case I need
01:05:59
>> I'm not going to give you [ __ ] anymore. You have too much free [ __ ] So then I I
01:06:02
had a backpack, a bottle of tequila, like hats, some clothes, like a like cool throwover [ __ ] you know, like and
01:06:09
I wrote free if you'd like it. >> Yeah. bottle of tequila of yours, a nice
01:06:13
new backpack, and some baseball caps. >> Yeah. >> And then I And >> some cash.
01:06:17
>> But how much do I leave? >> 20 bucks. >> 20 bucks. >> Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:22
>> No. >> 100. >> I leave a hundred. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I leave 100 every time. Unless
01:06:27
>> Yeah. >> If it's my wife and I >> Yeah. >> And I make we make a mess every day.
01:06:32
Like there's [ __ ] all over the [ __ ] place cuz women for some reason set off
01:06:35
a a bomb in the [ __ ] bathroom. >> I I'll leave them a little bit more.
01:06:40
I'll do like a buck and a half. You know what the Ritz does? >> Uhuh. >> They wash your clothes and fold them.
01:06:46
>> You have to pay for that. >> No. >> Yeah. Yes, you do. >> I did?
01:06:49
>> Yes. >> We did. I'm sure we did it on tour. >> Yeah. I I don't No. When I in Hawaii,
01:06:55
>> Bobb's like, "You're not going to believe this." >> I put all my clothes in the washer
01:06:59
thinking that later at night I was going to wash them. By the time I got home, they had washed it, dried it, and folded
01:07:05
it. >> Yes. Laundry services at the Rich Carlton properties in Hawaii, Kabo or
01:07:08
Wiki, are very EXTRA COST. OH [ __ ] >> YEAH, YOU PAY for that >> and I gave the money.
01:07:13
>> Yeah. Well, and then you tipped on top of the money. >> Okay. Before the internet though. Okay.
01:07:17
Before we had internet access, right? >> 40 40 years ago. Yeah. >> 40. Yeah. Yeah. I used to live leave.
01:07:22
This is what I used to leave. DVD players. >> What? In your [ __ ] hotel room?
01:07:27
>> In my hotel room. I would write a note. This is your DVD player. >> What would you just go bought a DVD
01:07:32
player? Cuz you'd buy it at Best Buy to watch movies in the weekend. >> Not movies.
01:07:35
>> Porn. >> Yes. >> Got it. >> Did you leave some of the porn in the in
01:07:38
there or No. No, I would take the porn. They're discs, >> right? >> Yeah. I would leave with the disc, but
01:07:43
leave the DVD player. >> By the way, he could have bought porn from the TV for like 50 bucks.
01:07:48
>> Yeah, but they're fuzzy. And there's five options. >> I know.
01:07:50
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Carlos always finds an opportunity to look up, even though he knows what porn
01:07:54
DVDs look like. >> Yeah. Yeah. He'll look it up. Yeah. >> He just wants to Google it.
01:07:57
>> So, I would So, I would go to the local >> Yeah. Stop. I would go to the local, you
01:08:01
know, the porn store. I'd buy five or six discs. I'd go to Best Buy, get a DVD
01:08:05
player. I've also left two Xboxes. >> That's so expensive. >> It's so expensive. Yeah,
01:08:10
>> cuz the DVD players probably get for 20. >> Well, no, because my intention was
01:08:13
always I'm going to put in my a suitcase, but then I try to put in the suitcase and it won't fit. So, I said,
01:08:17
oh, [ __ ] it. You know what I mean? And I'll just write a note. Here's a brand
01:08:21
new [ __ ] >> Here's a new Xbox. >> Xbox for you. >> And they must have loved it.
01:08:26
>> How much was Xbox in 2007? It was $500. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh my god.
01:08:31
>> And that's what I would get paid for the gig, too. By the way, $500 back then is
01:08:34
like six grand today. That's crazy, >> dude. This was a crazy moment I had at
01:08:39
the airport here today. Before I came home, I went to the bathroom when we landed.
01:08:42
>> Yeah. >> And there was a man in the in the room ch uh changing his bab baby's diaper.
01:08:47
>> A >> And I'm in there taking a piss. And then I And he turns to me and I go, "Hey,
01:08:50
man." He's like, "Hi." And then another guy walks in to go by me to go piss as
01:08:54
I'm washing my hands. And he's like, "Oh, baby." And the guy's like, "Yeah."
01:08:57
And he's like, "How old's the baby?" He's like real fresh. It's like it was
01:09:00
like two months or something like that. And he was like, "Oh, so cute." And I'm
01:09:04
washing my hands. And then this guy's done peeing. Then he goes next to the man and like stands there and like
01:09:09
watching him change the baby. >> And he was like, "So cute. So cute." And
01:09:13
I could feel the dad being like, "Mhm. >> Mhm. >> I know what that is."
01:09:19
>> What if he's a new dad and trying to figure out how to put >> He doesn't know how to do it.
01:09:23
>> Diaper on. >> Yeah. Internet, Google it. Don't stare at another man changing his baby.
01:09:27
[ __ ] insane. like boiling the egg for me. >> We Googled it. Now you know.
01:09:31
>> Yeah. Sometimes the internet doesn't know. >> No, the internet always knows. The
01:09:34
internet literally knows. >> But Chad HBD told me to do it wrong. >> No. No. You just did it wrong. We follow
01:09:38
the directions perfectly. >> Okay. Well, anyway, although Although I've never I've although I've never um
01:09:44
put a diaper on a baby before. I already know how to do it. >> You never changed your friend's kids?
01:09:49
>> No, but I I assume I already know how to do it because I know how the body works.
01:09:53
I know there's adhesives on the end. >> Yeah. You're not an idiot.
01:09:56
>> Yeah, I'm not an idiot. Right. So yeah, I don't know what the explanation was.
01:09:59
>> It was so weird, dude. Even I was wanted to turn and be like, "Dude, get out of
01:10:01
here. What are you doing?" >> But Kyla's baby where we're having we're
01:10:04
in the house. >> Yo, you've never changed Kilo's baby. >> No, but he said something that I almost
01:10:08
cried. >> The baby? >> Yeah. The baby was sitting there eating and I was kind of across the table and
01:10:14
he looks at me and he goes, "Bobby." >> Wow. >> And he knows my name.
01:10:20
>> Yeah, we heard that. Yeah, we fig Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. And it was just like and I
01:10:24
went in and kissed his forehead and he and then he does this cuz he gets shy >> but he knows it's you. Yeah.
01:10:30
>> All right, King. Sign us out. Go ahead. It's your birthday. >> Thank you for being a bad friend.
01:10:34
>> Cute. Woo. Woo.