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hey hey oh my God I'm shooting who's doing a special tonight today week this week this week I mean this week this Friday and Saturday the 21st and 22nd Minneapolis Minnesota I am in your city
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this week come see me shoot my special all but one are sold out uh the late Friday show come see your boy go to
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Andrew Santino dcom for those tickets Andrew Santino Doom to get tickets and also that's right I'm beans on toast B on toast beans on toast London England
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we're we're coming to London England July 18th July 18th and Dublin Island afterwards we're going to London and
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Dublin we're playing the oio arena in Wembley no association to Drake yeah uh and then Dublin Ireland on the 19 we're
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playing the three Arena AR the tickets are are regular sale now they were artist pre-sale and now they're on sale
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regular so go to badp pod.com for those tickets badri pod.com you two are bad friends who are
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these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends I'm so sick I can't do the
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podcast but I can go to [ __ ] Miami with Jake Paul uhhuh I'm so sick I can't podcast but I can go to Miami for Jake Paul I'm so sick I can't podcast but I
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can sit on a 5 and a half hour flight to Miami interes for Jake Paul I'm so sick
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I can't podcast Jake Paul I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm so sick that I'm going
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to go promotions for bad friends lie lie lie lie lie sick that I I go out of my way right to risk my life and my health and my family's lineage right yeah for
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my best friend and your family's lineage is in Jeopardy already don't even get me started dude you know you know this guy
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goes to Jake Paul's party for the Super Bowl and goes the day before I'm sick dude we can't pod oh and I said you
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still gonna go to Miami no answer right he was he was there yeah no answer that's why he didn't answer yeah I'm so sick that I'm i i i bowed to the king
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Jake Paul's the king yes Jake Paul's the king let me say something right now dude right you know we're like in Game of
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Thrones dude right I went to the Lannisters dude right right when I'm just a peasant I could get my head
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beheaded right I did it for our [ __ ] you know Farm in you know white walkers are coming from the north right and I risk my life and limb right to go down there to bow to the King right for us so
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that we get saved and now he does this do you understand mhm ring ring hello Jak
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PA dude oh you needed me in the myamy I'll be right there yeah yeah yeah who who else going to be there what ring ring ring
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ring ring dude I love stumping you I love you know I know that [ __ ] me up you know that you got you weren't that sick no no and that's not it and also the night
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before was with a lady friend hanging out with a lady friend didn't get that sick went on a flight Jake Paul Miami okay um first of all our guest today is Christy
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St I like you I just love I love you but when I say this right right um um lady Fred always trumps work yes did you bring us back any celius any
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cus yeah I got I go does he have Jake has something to do with that no they're Prime oh Prime sorry bring back any
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Prime well let's get that back because the joke doesn't work now do it again sorry uh bring me in did you did you
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bring back any Prime am explain to us explain to us who was at the Super Bowl party by the way you
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hate football yeah okay you look like so Carlos went with me you do have pig skinn face yeah just just in the face man you
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look you look like a field goal kicked football it's good sorry all right who was at the part you look thin though you do look good T do real though he does no I swear to God well as soon as I came in I said you you looked you look thinner
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than I've ever seen you I thought maybe on he is are you w w w bring up the photo of him from his Instagram he posted on the set of Theo's movie you look good no you really do look good
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everyone I know was like bro is Bobby losing crazy weight I was like he yes yeah dude he's on it yeah there it is no
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no it's the next one there he's standing up look at that dude wow skinny good look at my belly dude oh I mean he is
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compared to uh D yeah David Spade does look like he has the hi you look good and if honestly if I just blacked out
00:04:43
the face with that hair and that outfit you look exactly like my aunt Colleen shout out Colleen you look
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literally exactly like my aunt Colleen dude I'm already drowning on this podcast what's it's like it no it's like
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the Nom dude it's like I'm just being pelted dude this is Hamburger Hill I'm I'm on Hamburger Hill there's no
00:05:02
light way out man well what side would you fight on in Vietnam you're on Hamburger Hill South no bun no bun yeah
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protein style protein style H wait a minute though you do look fantastic in this photo you look thin you look good
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are you being real your skin looks good yeah man you look good but David Spade looks even better wow he always looks
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better he looks even thinner he's Twiggy Wiggy um he's so skinny man he so he looks like he has cisal and Eber jaw
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cancer oh my God you know sp's never he never overeats he never has a bad month I've never seen him go dude I got a cut back like you and I have phone calls where
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it's like buddy you called me Santino called me and he didn't know that Jasmine was in the car he called me and told me that he had to get back in shape
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because he was on the road so much and he looked at himself in the mirror naked at a hotel room on the road and he started
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crying and my girl heard it dude I got out of the shower I saw my stupid little ugly pale body in the they had one of
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those big mirrors right as you got out of the shower and I looked at it started crying yeah instantly was like look at
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my little penis my pale frumpy body and just balling I was like I got to go to the [ __ ] gym dude yeah I just sad fat boy on the road you're eating you're not sleeping right like you're traveling I
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couldn't get the head of my dig out of this tube what what wait what you me oh [ __ ] what do you here we go here we go what tube what what do you mean well the tube is the the step
00:06:30
the shaft oh it went in oh yeah but I couldn't get it out right it was like gum or something in it you're not
00:06:35
circumcised I am circumcised that's what the that's the tragedy of it all the tragedy yeah yeah right right it was
00:06:42
like a turtle right that his head couldn't get out of the shell yeah yeah yeah stuck right so then I had to do a
00:06:48
thing where I was like H like that and it and it made a sound like and it came out and then I held it with my two
00:06:54
fingers so that it wouldn't like you know what I mean dry that way you know yeah well look there you could see you
00:06:59
got you I don't know why I just shared that information because you were like you guys were sharing about you being in
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the mirror and stuff right I just this is what happened to be I don't think Hotel I'm drowning I'm drowning already
00:07:10
because attacked me so badly no you never look good you never look good in a hotel mirror it's disgusting also by the
00:07:15
way you're not drowning and if you do remember Vietnam you ended up you guys ended up winning you know what I mean stalemate stalemate but that's a win if
00:07:23
a tie a tie is a win you going to tie with the United States that's a win yeah man you love soccer that's a tie is a win a tie yeah I guess the tie is a win
00:07:30
yeah yeah TI is a win yeah well you know when you both come is good yes that's true right sometimes you you come right and the other person doesn't come that's right right and then you're like I'm
00:07:41
tired or whatever that's most of my sex life yeah your wife mhm oh my God yeah if you she was I tell you if she had a [ __ ]
00:07:55
right you'd be in yeah I would I would so nice to her Hulu party was not 100% yeah yeah and I didn't like your face why you think I was be too nice I wasn't hitting on her no she doesn't care I was
00:08:07
just looking I go she's so beautiful yeah you know what I mean very nice very bu she is gorgeous she yeah she Sheely
00:08:13
you got everything going for you you got everything going for watch this transition look at this yeah yeah Special out on Hulu the guy is playing
00:08:19
Madison Square Garden Square Garden September 11th 911 that's what it is really now are you donating you donating any of the proceeds to the fire to to FDNY if can get ticket sales above 7,000
00:08:31
yeah okay yep anything anything under that I'm going to have to keep from Poppy's going to have to keep now do we get spots on that show or what we should
00:08:37
100% no I'm being real we get spots on that if you guys I swear to God if you were in New York you could absolutely um
00:08:44
come do spots as long as I could promote you 100% I'm kidding kiding tickets are going good tickets are going good stay
00:08:49
positive good September 11th a memorable day for New York City Y are you nervous that if you don't sell out that you'll
00:08:55
look like a tragedy like that that's the yeah that's if you don't sell out the G there and there there's me running away I was going to say yeah there's Bobby dressed like a burglar from the 1920s the hamb that's the Hamburglar
00:09:11
Hill yes that um yes so I no I'm not nervous because um I it's just it's just been a dream of mine and it's going to be good and uh they say president uh Donald Trump might come well seriously
00:09:22
well because all the the presidents always go to the 9/11 so they were saying that there's a possibility that
00:09:28
maybe they'll come at night wow wow yes does he like you does he know you you guys know each son knows me Trump junor
00:09:35
wow he said he said he didn't ever told me anything about his dad when everyone was see when everyone was uh getting
00:09:41
Trump on the pod in New York and out here too they they offered they said maybe he would zoom in with me so I said I can't no no one wanted to do this no one did no AOC can we get her yes a you
00:09:53
should get her in and I'll come run in and smell the seat no know like a let suck about her
00:10:00
right you're in a club pass you're in a club would you go to her if I I mean look at my family of course oh yeah yeah you would just in that way that weird way that's what I want if you're if
00:10:13
you're if you're if you're from any US Territory I want to have sex with you that's what it is so I like girls from
00:10:19
the US territories Puerto Rico any uh any trips to the Gulf of America coming up for you um no uh swim in the of
00:10:27
America no look at the map I think they changed it on Apple maap there's no way did yeah look the us only in the US yeah
00:10:35
one of our boys one of our boys in the group chat posted a uh like they posted it on Facebook Gulf of America like you
00:10:42
know like proud like look at this whatever and then one he didn't realize when he sent the screenshot to the group chat on Facebook there was a comment
00:10:48
from like this gay guy that was like haven't seen you at the bars in Long Beach big boy when you coming back who do I send it to Carlos Carlos
00:10:56
all right I'll send it to you Carlos we were diey and laughing when you just get caught being a
00:11:01
f i I think Gulf America I like them wanting to buy Greenland that's a good one what are we going to do with
00:11:07
Greenland Canada it's just another I don't know what what could we do there Hot Topic headquarters yes is
00:11:13
that where it goes no I want to do one there let's we took over Greenland what shops should we have there in Greenland
00:11:20
that's pretty smart what yeah let's do it what shops would we what we do um Hot Topic many like the where CEO OB be a
00:11:26
CEO Hot Topic there yeah okay woooo women yeah yeah I like that a lot anti Annie's pretzels oh yummy Panda Express
00:11:34
got to be there yeah but because they're Eskimos could we throw in a sabaro yeah
00:11:40
sabaro sabaro sabar the best mall Pizza in the world oh I thought it was a car guess guess who'll be the fashion
00:11:47
designer for hot top we got a brand new fashion designer guess who it is who Kanye
00:11:52
[Applause] y Kanye have you seen his website have you gone to yeezy.com did you see Super
00:11:59
Bowl commercial bro oh look they're they're blocking the site now oh god really it's down he was selling he was
00:12:05
selling T-shirts do you know this for real no no tell me everything I'm s dude I'm not joking we can't we can Google it
00:12:10
still to find it is it rightwing he was selling a white oh I'd say it's rightwing he was selling a t-shirt with
00:12:17
just a swasti on it a white t $20 right you got to be [ __ ] no but I swear to God got look at oh that's why I saw I saw um um Jewish people wearing the same
00:12:29
symbol with a flick off yeah to Kanye that that if you if you he paid $8 eight million to do a Super Bowl commercial in
00:12:36
certain regions that he just filmed on his iPhone from the dentist office yeah he's sitting in a dentist chair yeah but
00:12:41
does it own somebody own that brand already the swasa yeah yeah yeah Hitler I think they're licensing it out it's like happy bir who has happy birthday
00:12:48
Hitler Hitler yeah yeah he has happy birthday and he has a swas gun no right yes can they sue him he probably he's
00:12:54
probably it's probably in court right now you know he also owns the black happy birthday
00:13:00
I don't let's sing it because I don't know happy birthday happy [Applause] birthday that yeah he owns them both
00:13:10
yeah that yeah I like that one I like I love all black you saw like Merry Christmas yeah what is that well like
00:13:16
Jingle Bells is good right black Jingle Bells what is that one I don't remember you do I think you know jingle bell
00:13:23
jingle bells really good no that was bad put part I committed my [ __ ] throat cracked it didn't sound good why' you set me up do you sing black Jingle
00:13:37
Bells Happy Quanza Quan well shout out to Kanye uh selling shirts with sasas on them dude what are you doing he says that it's the
00:13:49
it's a the Hindu symbol is not the Nazi thing he's saying it's the Hindu and that we're all [ __ ] that he's just
00:13:55
sending a a Hindu symbol for freedom or crazy pece or whatever it is if you had a record company would you sign them
00:14:02
yeah let's be no be real no no okay you wouldn't you're a startup you're startup
00:14:10
record company yeah would you have no you have no like band singer no you have signed nobody you have no money he's the
00:14:17
guy yeah right and you're like he goes yeah I'll sign with you would you sign him I would I could separate the man man
00:14:22
from oh yeah yeah yeah I would probably buy The Cosby Show too you know take the backlog of it do it all I support black
00:14:29
own business yeah yeah that's ex Kanye they got every Diddy I got Diddy [ __ ] oil yeah when I went on the website I was like there's no way this is real when it was still up and sure
00:14:42
enough it was there for $20 MH but I have empathy for him I want you do well he's definitely going through some mental illness you can okay you only get one of these he's done many times no
00:14:54
dude he's done this way too many times wait wait so but he has he hasn't addressed his mental illness you get one
00:15:00
Nazi explosion no you get one where I come from you get six you get six n Nazi explosion where I come from okay so it's like where I come from you can't even you can't even buy a condo unless you've
00:15:13
had a Nazi explosion right right right yeah all these shirts if we traced where they went they all went to Staten Island
00:15:19
that's it yeah but there's no EMP there's no empathy there I mean let's be real for a second he's well but I get
00:15:24
what you mean but I agree with Andrew in the sense like if this was the first time he ever did this and he came out a left field be like okay let's get this
00:15:29
guy to the hospital but this is like the 30th time he's done something like this he is a genius musically though sure
00:15:35
yeah just like Hitler was a genius oh in speech in free speech right but do you think that his mental illness has
00:15:41
something to do with Talent huh like the reason why he like he's accessing things as I don't I don't know much about no
00:15:48
yeah he's gone I think this is him grasping for reality and grasping for relevance because he is so lost he
00:15:56
thinks this is how I I get pop get a pop again dude he did he he bid into the system he dated the most famous woman in the world made a family with her and then when he realized that he wasn't
00:16:07
really making music as much anymore and no one cared about his music because other artists overshadowed him he was
00:16:13
like well I need another pop so he does this just to make noise again so someone goes so we're doing this Kanye Kanye so
00:16:19
it's out again yeah it's what it like that's why he had his girl dress in that like naked see-through
00:16:25
lingerie on the red carpet yeah he trolls her around naked look open that up look at that wait go back no no no go
00:16:30
back Carlos this is this is theano's Buddy's post so he posted golf of America and then zoom in Mark Elias
00:16:37
wrote bring your beautiful butt back to Long Beach there's a short of handsome men and we've always thought this guy
00:16:43
may be kind of gay and then so we said hey what about that and then he just hasn't responded that's so funny cuz he
00:16:49
thought he was just sent to the golf of America post wow what a dick yeah no Kanye went
00:16:56
he went he went nuts and then he wears the see-through linger this girl on the red carpet and that's that's what I'm
00:17:01
going to wear on Kimmel tomorrow are you doing you doing Kimmel tomorrow I'm doing Kimmel tomorrow and I forgot I don't have an outfit I'm just going to wear this just wear that are you doing
00:17:07
stand up or just a guest no just a guest Co I'm promoting my special on Hulu comes out February 21st oh that's
00:17:13
Andrew's got a special coming out on I him too he did oh and Bobby and guess what and hey guess what they one comic a
00:17:18
month one comic a month for 12 months and guess what they gave me Black History Month God bless that should tell
00:17:23
you something that they believe they believe in me to get the black vote not Roy Wood Jr they believe in me when when
00:17:29
do Roy come out it already out it came out already yeah so they could just they could have switched you guys yeah but
00:17:35
they yeah they could have given me my month January 6th and they said they gave it to Roy they did a reversal they did a
00:17:41
reversal Roy came out in January and I came out in February they're trying to break they're trying to break the Norms that's fine and I like it I like it I
00:17:48
like it a lot This Guy's excited he gets to shoot his special at the end of the year oh where you going to shoot at P I don't
00:17:55
know what's going on where you going to shoot at San Diego I think has H got to shoot it at and sanago I'm from there I
00:18:01
was B there I was RA there I uh I've been a little stressed out about it cuz I've never done a special so I'm like kind of trying to map it out but it's
00:18:07
it's hard you should shoot it at pawe high yeah I think that'd be the coolest thing in the world shoot at the school
00:18:13
that didn't put you in the Hall of Fame you should shoot it on Hamburger Hill oh in Vietnam yeah who that would be sick
00:18:19
dude with one of those big straw hats yeah yeah yeah pway High we should shoot in the auditorium and somebody asked me
00:18:24
do you have a theme do you have a theme no what is it what do you mean a theme someone like well do you have a theme of
00:18:29
your podcast your special IO um I need a theme no I take my [ __ ] clothes off and I dance around in my underwear for
00:18:35
my clothes are what I do yeah I feel like is that an attack no yeah yeah I think that's an attack dude yeah you have yellow teeth I do you have yellow
00:18:50
skin that's true I do have yellow skin I I think you should remember when I first
00:18:59
when I first met you you still were wearing those like boxer those tidy whes oh yeah I think you should have a big
00:19:04
huge pair of underwear on stage like stained underwear hanging like a massive one and you're in the bald sack portion
00:19:12
and you come out of it it's me that' be sick wow that be sick yeah when I met you used to wear tidy whes yeah I know oh I kind of you still do I don't know what I'm wearing
00:19:23
that but when I met you you did yes see you look good you really do you lost wow look at you look at your [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:19:29
junk dude you have a really like a relatively big penis and big balls you have a big package overall well well God
00:19:36
bless you you like Optimum you have nice package God bless you sir no you really do and you're always very nice to me in the in I remember when you took me out
00:19:42
for sushi in New York you're always very very nice to me well you know why why and I have a I have a saying I'm going
00:19:48
to make it up go ahead um when you see Brethren into other no no you got it thank you can I get when you see bre with two peas in a pond within each
00:20:01
other you you have to really beig be good right thank you don't you think though thank you but don't you think guys I remember the the very first time put that as a shirt I I remember the
00:20:12
very first time I met Bobby we uh met on the OPI and Anthony show and he was very
00:20:18
nice to me and he sat down and took me out um right after the OPI and Anthony show and talk to me about comedy and how
00:20:24
this is really hard uh venture to do and and congratulations for getting into and all and and all this serious talk when
00:20:31
just moments before I'm talking about maybe 15 minutes before he was eating bul dick on op and Anthony they had Bull
00:20:38
Pen and he was taking bites out of it and then he was telling me to take comedy seriously 15 minutes later at of
00:20:43
TJ Fridays I remember I remember yeah everyone in that almost everyone in these photos are dead wait wait really
00:20:51
Vic oh yeah uh uh Carl unfortunately that whoever that top magician guy is after he's dead yeah that top magician guy you were were you in the room with us when this top magician guy on op and
00:21:02
Anthony I forgot what his name was but anyway he has this trick where it's like you know like a magical card trick or
00:21:07
whatever and then like you're like blown away and then you like points over there and the card was like on the wall
00:21:12
outside the studio and so and this is like his trick but he's got like someone who helps him do it whatever and like
00:21:19
it's all distractions and club soda Kenny you guys know Club s right club soda Kenny who was like the security guard for opening Anthony forever
00:21:26
because he just doesn't like that [ __ ] in while we were all distracted over here club soda Kenny saw the helper put
00:21:31
the card on the wall and club soda Kenny took ity the guy pointed the and it wasn't
00:21:37
that club sort of count was like I got the car I got the car and he ruined this kid's life Robin Hood gold with Robin
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00:24:01
you ever see like the World War II United States like generation like Japanese propaganda like to be scared of
00:24:07
them like how they would make Asian people just just Google like World War II Japanese propaganda American you look at the faces that they used to make on these I God I hope we could find them
00:24:19
they are it's [ __ ] insane I mean this is one of them like little kids post that's the most
00:24:27
insting photo look at that I can't even look at it you wow look at what it said in the 80s there's that German commercial it was going viral German commercial about like washing a Chinese
00:24:38
person like they saw you ever seen that one it's crazy I don't know if we could play it but it was nuts Toyo they just
00:24:44
the get bigger and bigger oh my God yeah wash up early Rush outdoor give Jeff time for win war mhm wow Jesus how we
00:24:52
used to roll I'd like to meet this artist yeah does he does f does he do Flyers can he do bad friends Flyers yeah
00:24:59
can he do yeah oh that's okay that's my dad what it is oh yeah there we go okay the propaganda stuff is by the way people are going to look back in 100 years look at our propaganda we just
00:25:10
don't know ours yet what I mean no no explain well we got to have propaganda [ __ ] out there that's so digital under
00:25:16
the radar we don't even know it's happening you know what I think is a big thing like that we're doing right now what Top Gun wouldn't that be considered
00:25:23
propaganda for the military Top Gun the movie yeah like even the Navy gave Tom Cruz an award this year but not the new
00:25:29
one the old one maybe the new one's just fodder no no it the OG one was the new secretary of uh the Minister of Defense whatever his name the guy from fox wants the Top Gun people to do the commercials
00:25:41
and everything for really yeah really but the movie was great right it really was it was so good dude yeah it was so
00:25:47
good topcon was I I went into it being like is this going to be as good as topcon the original it was just as good
00:25:53
Maverick was so good it was incredible it so good and by the way less less gay cuz the first one the thing I the most
00:25:58
about it was all the gay stuff oh yeah and they took that out yeah I they took out all the gay stuff I would be edging
00:26:04
myself every time the plane and before they could pass out I would just [ __ ] you would nut as soon as they broke the sound barrier yeah that was me as soon as they broke the sound barrier I mean it this was a gay love story it was
00:26:15
we've talked about what top top gun was haven't we talked about this this was a gay love story I've never talked about
00:26:21
it with you it's 100% a gay love story it's an unrequited gay love story I never saw it I saw yeah I Maverick I
00:26:27
didn't see the first botom gum bottom gun you never saw the first one I saw Maverick though it was good wow I'm
00:26:32
shocked you never tell me about the gay story well look I mean look they have these like beach volleyball scenes and it's also this love relationship between
00:26:39
uh Maverick and and uh and Goose right no then and Iceman yeah and it's like this beautiful like unrequited love story they can't they can't be in love so he's got to pretend to like that girl oh I saw this right I remember he could
00:26:52
you IM that girl the woman who who was like in the first Top Gun she just got so old and out of shape that they just
00:26:58
couldn't put her in the second one I know what was her name they had to replace her with someone else that's got to feel look she looks great no that
00:27:05
there was another photo that's not no find a different one there was one photo I was like what oh yeah I mean I mean
00:27:11
she doesn't look bad is that the girl that wrote Harry Potter yeah yeah yeah she was a dime dude I remember watching that being like the
00:27:22
amount of movies that Tom Cruz made that I jerked off to like Jerry Maguire I used to Jer I had that VHS all day that
00:27:28
first when cubba Gooding Jr comes out naked yeah give me the money money he like I air he's like I air dry I'm like
00:27:35
my favorite was Rain Man Rainman come on Dustin I jerked off to that Jer off to that sucks right all [ __ ] day dude yeah love Jerk by the way I just rewatched Tropic Thunder uh so good I
00:27:49
just watch it just traveling again maybe one of the best movies like maybe one of the funniest funniest movies I've seen
00:27:55
in years can I give a confession I've never seen it what oh you got to watch it I got to watch it I'm going to watch
00:28:00
it in black face he was so good in it though oh yeah he was great he was great in that yeah
00:28:06
oh Tom Cruz is the best the guy that did you see his during the Super Bowl he was he did the he did like the one of the
00:28:12
intros or whatever whatever that was for the pre-tape you know oh yeah yeah yeah yeah dude this guy he's just saying a a
00:28:17
beautiful script and I'm in he's the last movie star and he grew his hair out his hair looks exactly like Bobby Lee's
00:28:23
hair right now I don't know I think kimothy Shalom is going to get there no this guy's the last original movie Tom
00:28:29
is the guy I I I know but eventually you think Timothy Shel is the future he is he is but I don't know that you can have
00:28:36
A-list movie box office success like Tom Cruz had I don't know if any that will ever happen again really don't Google
00:28:42
Tom Cruz total box office and look at his hair it's got to let's take a guess hold on Tom Cruz told box office I I'm
00:28:47
guessing he's upwards of billions yeah I was going to say five or six billion yeah I was going to guess 8 billion from
00:28:55
Total box office success across everything go ahead Mone what is it12 billion wow I got closer what did I
00:29:01
win uh that's insane a kiss from fancy oh great billion you mean again highest dude 12 billion 12y look no shot of chalam he'll never reach that
00:29:13
only because the box office isn't earning like that anymore that's what I'm saying though but you know relatively though Sammy Jackson still
00:29:18
topping the charts with 14 billion Scarlett what Robert dowy 14 all the Avengers movies yeah you got to remember
00:29:24
it's all these are the Fran oh Zoe salana if you took away the superhero films Tom Tom Cruz is the only one right and Tom
00:29:34
Cruz is in no well arguably he is the original superhero right right it's hard to he is but it's not a it's not a family franchise the way that Avengers
00:29:45
is Avengers or Avatar yeah Avengers or Avatar another gay [ __ ] okay here it is
00:29:52
oh no ladies and gentlemen Harry Potter and two girls one cup yeah seen them been there what's up Bob Drew Cruz Dr
00:30:00
Phil pH ladies and Gentlemen let's welcome Dr Phil to the show he just popped in that is unexpected had to put
00:30:07
my tie on last time I want to be clear can I get some more juice in the headphones Bob uh what's his name the
00:30:13
kid with the syndrome what's his name whatever you want to call him yeah um what does your mom call you fancy
00:30:21
huh why what you look like a makea wish kid so fancy W you're coming an aggressive I love it do well last time I was here I was riding a a gummy a THC
00:30:32
gummy yeah yeah yeah I think we can cut to a clip great you don't have it okay well last time I was on a gummy and uh
00:30:41
and I I felt like I didn't bring it even though the episode uh I know got some downloads hell yeah and some
00:30:47
uploads but but um I just want to be more myself today good yeah good good to see you Dr Phil great to see you are you are you someone that dabbles often in in THC gummies I tried to one time I I took
00:31:00
80 Mig of THC I thought it was CBD though I was having some my apnea machine didn't work and so I popped in
00:31:07
the uh what I thought was CBD next thing you know I'm taking my hoodie off and I got stuck in it for four hours I thought
00:31:13
I was going to [ __ ] die I watch 19 episodes of naked and afraid fancy I know you like that show
00:31:20
right yeah yeah Phil uh I want to let you know I don't know if you're aware you probably should be and you're very
00:31:26
worldly and knowledgeable I like to be on the the internet as much as possible I know I heard uh our good friend Chris
00:31:31
stano here sitting next to you I know you guys know each other he's playing Madison Square Garden in New York City
00:31:36
on 911 boy that yep 91 910 was taken yeah not but you know here's what I love about you you that's like that's like uh that's like
00:31:50
that's like that's like [ __ ] your ex in front of your wife on Valentine's Day yeah that's what I did that's what I did
00:31:56
and and I Le you know it's 911 that the tickets are on sale the pre-sale Cod is Hamas we'll be right back that is a
00:32:05
great I first of all I'm a big fan I'm sitting here with three of the best Comics working today but uh the garden
00:32:11
that's H you know I I once got a hand job in a secret garden yeah well was the movie but uh 15 you know DMI YOLO [ __ ]
00:32:19
no I just finally got 910 was taken that was funny just got just click yeah I knew a
00:32:25
couple that got married on 911 because it was it was cheaper like no no Rabbi or priest wanted to touch anybody or or
00:32:32
do a prayer because I thought it was an appropriate uh inappropriate day but you know time you know we've moved on you
00:32:39
know yeah Dr Phil I heard there's a rumor on the internet that you're converting to Judaism well look most rumors uh are
00:32:46
true yeah remember when there was that rumor that Tom Hanks was snorting ibuprofen in the back of a Chucky Cheese
00:32:52
I heard that yes I remember that yeah well you guys are good at improv but the but my favorite hey we did say yes yeah yeah we
00:33:03
what I'm saying we're yes anding okay yeah that's what [ __ ] improv is yeah uh Bob I love you and about that rumor
00:33:11
uh Andrew is uh look I've been to quite a few Bar Mitzvah only a few bot Mitzvah
00:33:16
I'd like to get more bot Mitzvah invites in 2025 but I've uh you know have I been to a circumcision yeah uh have I uh
00:33:24
[ __ ] a fat Jewish gal yeah yeah uh have I had a keegle or cougal coug je cougar well I've had cougar but ke uh kgal is a noodle it's a Passover H Food
00:33:38
it's a Passover oh yeah it's the Jew food that's like squishy fish but oh oh cougal it's like lasagna for Jews it's
00:33:45
called I said keegle we'll edit this out I meant cougal so I've done it all so I
00:33:50
figure I figure why not just jump in to the deep and without a life preserver I've swam with sharks you know I've done
00:33:57
a doin mating call just to impress a girl that I thought was a guy you know hear we'd like to hear it the Dolphin
00:34:04
mating call well this will be the first time I've ever done it live so um apologies if it's not spoton but
00:34:10
basically um it was a girl uh that I thought was a guy and my friend said you know he's really into Dolphins ex Dr Phil hold I'm I'm going to be a dolphin I'll be a male do I'll be a female
00:34:20
dolphin I love this okay because I can I can do that so okay yeah I have the ability to like you know trans you know
00:34:26
no I've seen the dictator You Got What Not trans no this I didn't say so let's just take it back a sec Bobby whatever okay Y what can I can I
00:34:38
just okay ready I'm right okay that that's it that's it how good are we at improv now Dr F welcome to the show I would actually
00:34:51
love dude we should have a improv group we should go we should here we go what would be the name of our if this was for and by the way people would come watch this for okay whether it was to change a
00:35:01
light bulb or put our fingers inside of each other or take a suggestion from a crowd I think it should be called doctor's orders oh my God nice doctor's
00:35:09
orders come out andb um I think uh you do dolphin okay guy's never seen a Dophin that was a kid being trapped in one of those Nordstrom R you know when
00:35:22
kids used to hide under the clothes that was the kid calling for his mom there was a shut up Bobby shut up there a
00:35:27
kidnapper under the clothes trying to cover go ahead but I don't remember when kids try to hide under the clothes why
00:35:35
not I don't know did you ever go do that well yeah under the department store they had these these circular circular oh I did that remember the racket clothes I did that I did that's how I would hide from my mom's
00:35:46
boyfriends wait hold on hold on a second that's what I'm talking about exactly preach wait a minute your mom your dad
00:35:53
owned lady clothing store I remember what was it called uh Fashion Gal fashion really let Dr Phil sit with that
00:36:01
Fashion Gal you didn't ever go to a Fashion Gal well I did but not to shop no sh oh that's good now what kind of clothes and women who was the clientele what was the fat ethnic women yep I was
00:36:13
going to guess that but I want you to say samoens it was like Lane Bryant for like
00:36:19
samoens and stuff got it Lane Bryant now is Lane Bryant based on a a true story like is the is this shot is like is that
00:36:24
actually a some tub is like is there a real Lane like if you're a woman your name is Lane you're already 0 for two
00:36:31
lane BR but Bryant it's like I think of Lane Bryant I think of Bryant Park I think of Kobe Bryant so I'm thinking of
00:36:36
big stuff yeah right there's Fashion Gal right there yeah my parents own that you sure that wasn't a rubbing tug that's
00:36:41
what it looked like well it really does I mean look at the font that's rubbing tug font tell me that's your dad's Jag
00:36:47
out front did your dad drive a Jag no that's my Mazda Miata to the right is that on there that's weird this is a
00:36:54
photo of someone took us a fashion gal who was a huge fan and sad that it's gone yeah what it is yeah R Fashion Gal
00:37:00
rest in peace Fashion Gal and while we're at it rip uh Betty White yes can we just in the last is she dead yeah she died oh she died I'm pretty sure she is in that category of like her Bob Barker
00:37:12
also rip rip and look it's not just the whites that are leaving us but I think that there's something about what she
00:37:18
did almost 100 right mhm no 101 I can't do math what is that she's 99 99 99 the other way I run if you get to Di would she was killed by OJ what if OJ was wouldn't that be great
00:37:33
if he was like I swear I didn't do the first one but this one was I killed Betty White dude unbelievable she's Fashion
00:37:40
Gal she would shop at Fashion galit 100% you know what I just saw today uh mle crw private plane crashed I know today into what nobody was on it into another plane it no no somebody's girlfriend
00:37:51
Vince Neil's girlfriend was on it oh [ __ ] and the pilot died they all lived dude this is like the fifth plane I'm
00:37:59
freaking the [ __ ] the hell if I'm about to John Madden everywhere and just get on a [ __ ] Greyhound buddy Ser he was
00:38:05
smart he was very smart this just crashed was this today or yesterday why yesterday like they ran out of gas in
00:38:11
the sky they landed they landed it it like skidded off something happened with the landing gear and it hit another
00:38:17
plane and the pilot died people on board did not die and it was Vince's girlfriend is that what it says did she
00:38:22
die you no no they're all they're alive the Pilot's the only one that died just the pilot crew remember kill when small
00:38:28
jet owned by Vince Neil crash into plane upon Landing in Arizona but how does this happen how does this keep happening
00:38:33
over the last see I'm getting a little scared it feels like way too well we fired everybody who works at the airport
00:38:39
builds planes purpose even the even the gal at at Southwest they were [ __ ] migrants but the but but the drones
00:38:47
drones you think that that's connected to drones and the planes going down Neil's girlfriend and her friend were
00:38:52
arriving on the plane and were injured um I'm flying out to Boston tomorrow so this is exciting all right let's change
00:38:57
the mood you guys seen Oppenheimer love loved it love good segue Dr Phil loved it little long yeah yeah I'll watch anything with rtj Robert Danny same uh
00:39:08
what about RFK you watch anything with him I'm working on my RFK impression let me hear
00:39:13
it my my M Small FR and a Whopper Junior it's not for me I'm trying to lose weight it's for the worm inside my head
00:39:28
there was a comic there was a comic the other night down down we'll cut we'll cut that you know what leave it in leave
00:39:35
it clip it clip it and I'll send it to him on Facebook that's there was a comic black comic and I I don't hear what Elie said godre but he goes yeah probably but he goes uh he goes uh he goes yeah he
00:39:47
was like RFK he was like I like that [ __ ] but he sound like he talking into a massage [Music]
00:39:54
chair wait that's so funny so funny C there's certain lines like that that are just so yeah yeah I'm a I'm a big just like I don't need a setup or a premise just give me something like
00:40:07
that give you some jazz like that Jaz comedy one shot Zinger yeah that was Jazz comedy not not just because he was a black comic no white can do jazz comedy too 100% Mitch
00:40:19
Hedberg was the king of jazz comedy oh my God that was a jazz comic are you going to try are you doing stand up now
00:40:25
Dr Phil there's a rumor that well we're doing a live tour ad rom.com for tickets who's that is that your agent guy sounds
00:40:31
like it no it's it's just the producer of the show he also brings me crusta when I'm hungry but we're doing a big
00:40:37
national uh City Theater tour uh yeah you can go and cut tour right there we're going to a you put the go back
00:40:43
Denver uh Chicago Boston Atlanta nille put your agent on the main page there he he been with me 100 bucks sounds like a
00:40:50
move I'm Prett I'm you know I got enough cash so now it's just about helping others out you are flush with cash now
00:40:56
Dr Phil dude that guy go back there this guy cuz that's your agent that guy just looks like a [ __ ] gay dude from
00:41:02
Seattle yeah yeah right that's your a normally they're like jewy guys but this guy just like literally like a a [ __ ]
00:41:08
well you can be both you can be jewy and gay now like aing homo from Seattle 1000
00:41:15
look at the way he's leaning on that thing it's almost like he's leaning on a [ __ ] you know oh yeah like just a Seattle his mouth he just saw got take
00:41:21
his shirt off you know yeah he's like oh look at that set of look at that [ __ ] oh
00:41:26
just like he looks he's just on his knees in the public market in seatt the original Starbucks he looks like fancy
00:41:32
was on the balcony and goes would you like to attack my penis and then Adam goes uh no I'm good and then he kept
00:41:38
pulling him down and he goes on second thought yeah let it happen let it happen right anyway big National Theater tour
00:41:44
yeah great surprise guests everywhere they're all selling out so just go get go get your tickets and uh bring your
00:41:50
family while you still can well you still can Dr Phil I'm surprised you're still doing this you're touring around
00:41:55
because and you're going all the way till October well no we go until about July October is uh where I think uh I
00:42:01
put my dates on Adam Ray standup dates he's got a big false standup tour but the Dr phield show goes through July I
00:42:07
think we end in Reno as you do uh at the Grand Sierra Resort in C [ __ ] Factory or
00:42:12
something whatever God bless what we supposed to do Dr Phil or no I think you guys are well the guests aren't announced but you guys are on one well are we I don't know do you know I have
00:42:23
no idea we'll find out we'll find out I was we'll be right back we'll keep her out here but I think we
00:42:29
can we'll figure it out you got to go to Boston tomorrow and then uh once you get back from that we'll things down we'll
00:42:35
talk dude I had a I had a harrowing moment in Vegas honestly one of the saddest things I've ever seen I just got
00:42:41
back yesterday I'm sitting at a table I was like I'm going to gamble before I go do this gig and I'm I'm sitting at the
00:42:47
table and this guy was so blacked out and I mean like couldn't really it was barely there and I'm seeing him I'm
00:42:52
looking at his chip stack and I'm like oh my god dude he's got $1 thousand chips right and then he's got he's got
00:42:58
the casino gives you credits right so they're throwing him $25,000 chip credits when he runs out of because he's he's running out of money he's just
00:43:03
betting he's not he's smoking he's laughing he goes who's the new guy to me I go hey I'm Andrew go he goes hey I'm
00:43:10
Chuck I'm Chuck man and he's smoking he's hitting on the wrong stuff and then at some point I said to the pit I go I
00:43:17
gotta be honest with you I think this is a little unfair and he was like what do you mean I go this guy's betting $10,000 hands right and he's doubling down he's
00:43:23
splitting them all and he's losing four I'm watching lose 40 Grand 80 grand I'm not kidding within let's just say 10
00:43:30
minutes let's say 10 minutes quarter of a million bucks out the window and he stood up went and smoked and I go you're
00:43:36
going to cut that guy off right and the p pipos goes we're familiar with him he's going to be able to keep playing wow I was like are you just robbing this
00:43:42
guy you're literally robbing this guy oh I saw a guy black out in the Tropicana rip got knocked down for a baseball
00:43:48
stadium to the Jesus most and Holy Ghost but he uh he was throwing his uh roulette chips across the casino no it
00:43:55
was dice he was doing through his dice black out like imagine like just being like like what if you were like trying
00:44:01
to mock a child right and the kid was like do you have a quarter for the wishing well you were like yeah and you had it and then you go [ __ ] suck your
00:44:06
own dick and you tossed it that's the way he was throwing the dice and the the the the security went and got the dice I
00:44:12
swear to God and put it back in his hand oh yeah and I remember being like he's he doesn't know where he is and they were like yeah but he he's he wants to
00:44:18
double down that's why there's no state income tax in Nevada because of that guy country because of that guy it's the greatest country in the world Dr Phil
00:44:24
you really want to be engaged with something Bobby Lee a huge NFL football fan big fan of the Super Bowl he went
00:44:29
out to Jake Paul Super Bowl party I heard to party with Jake Paul who won that game by the way I didn't I was on a
00:44:35
plane back what did you watch you went to the Super Bowl party to not watch the game yeah I went to the I got that plane
00:44:41
back so you went to the party on what day Sunday that's when the game was yeah yeah yeah so you left during it started
00:44:47
I went bye-bye and I got on a flight so you walked in yeah because you know I I went there is that a Dolph that was a dolphin what yeah
00:44:59
I here comes a lie Dr Phil STP in I can tell all right so we went there to pod with him mhm and then you know when this party started we got on a flight and we went home Carlos was with me he could
00:45:09
defend me what what what is he defending he I wasn't there to do watch the Super Bowl I didn't even know what the Super
00:45:14
Bowl was you were there to drink Prime shots with Jake Paul yeah yeah I went and did a pod and then we left you don't
00:45:20
know what the Super Bowl is well I know what it is but I don't know who was playing I found out Sunday the Eagles
00:45:25
Philadelphia and the Kansas City Chiefs can you do an eagle yep pretty close that sounds like the Dolph it's like right it's a dolphin trying to fly
00:45:36
go okay that's very impressive let me really try it okay no no what about a chief could you do a chief could you do a chief this is going to get D I can't do I've never
00:45:49
seen it I've never seen it no no no no madis Square gember 11 Prime Evil EV right here and right here yeah yeah
00:46:05
primeval do you see that no I heard it's [ __ ] great good though is a I got a Jake Paul question oh my God cuz I
00:46:11
watched that fight with tasson and then uh you know they're big on the promo videos right they put out a video of him
00:46:17
and Logan being like I [ __ ] I was I ra I was born with this guy and now I want to [ __ ] kill him and that I got
00:46:23
that got my attention Chris cuz I've been dying to see two Brothers just fight to the death you know um Luke and
00:46:30
Owen Wilson been waiting for that to happen oh um [ __ ] I don't know name another brother combo mcy cul and Kieran
00:46:37
K C and Rory do threeway he let I need iway oh what about Eric vers ly Mendez love love that they give him gun they blow their heads off loser gets their head blown off shotgun to shotgun Alec
00:46:52
and Billy Baldwin yeah that's a good one oh that's where Ste where's Steph in that he with Cory kulin or what's his
00:46:58
name Rory Ken Rory Kory yeah David Hawking Steven Hawking about what about what about what about um Barack vers Michelle Obama yeah
00:47:10
yeah that would be a good one okay how about how about how about uh uh fraternal twins how about like uh um how
00:47:16
about conjoined I'll raise you Britney I only know one Britney girls girls that are tied together I'd pay can I be honest i' pay upwards of $60,000 to watch them fat was it Britney
00:47:28
and uh Abby Abby right but it's who has the bigger head that's the person that's going to win no it's not true you do
00:47:35
side butts okay that's very you have to do side butts yeah I'll take it back and what is it one of them's married and one's not one of them's married but they
00:47:42
both get to get the played with I think do they have one vagina they sure I think it's two no they have one well
00:47:48
let's cut to a clip yeah yeah and also this you know this right they control their individual arms right but they
00:47:55
have individual legs so they have have to coordinate imagine so they're just constantly marching one person going
00:48:00
right right right right I don't think they need to tell each other I they just know in their mind sure yeah yeah yeah
00:48:06
yeah cuz they still got brains Bobby yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there we go look at it imagine one of them GE a
00:48:12
breakdown not in the mood to hook up and you just got to be there so here's here's what throws me off one bladder
00:48:19
right but and one you're rra but two kidneys two sto okay two stomachs that's two stomachs what do they like like Jeff Ross [Laughter]
00:48:31
September 11 2025 Master Square Garden oh my God I like the way you advertise that's it baby yeah you go hard and then
00:48:37
you go deep that's what it is [ __ ] best dude so funny dude that's that is that is crazy so we should set up Dr
00:48:43
Phil presents uh uh family feuds family fights family real fights I I I would look look I'm trying to get out of the daytime game I'm obviously in the night time game but I would love to host a show I tried to host kids say the
00:48:55
darnest things had this uh we had this kid on Nathan from like Burbank right and he said the NW word in the first 15 minutes wow so and he wasn't even using it in like a funny story or context well
00:49:06
like Carlos does go ahead Carlos yeah Carlos the floor is yours thanks a lot Carlos do one of those funny nword stories that you do all the time
00:49:12
question Dr Phil hold on we have a question for Dr Phil from the booth pancy go ahead do you have take your
00:49:19
time s it out at STK in San Diego did I or would I what the [ __ ] are you asking
00:49:25
me right now did I dinner when Dr Phil this is actually a really good question recently in STK STK the steakhouse in San Diego did you have dinner there well I've had dinner with MGK at the Olive
00:49:36
Gard but let's go back to your question STK the steakhouse I'll tell you why he says it we were at the STK in San Diego
00:49:43
we were and the waitress the waitress came up to her table and she was vag Vaguely Familiar with she didn't know
00:49:49
who we were but yeah yeah that's what I was I was trying to do it in a nice way how does that make you feel cuz you guys
00:49:54
are pretty recognizable yeah and would [ __ ] care but what really bothered me I she thought it was Chuck Norris and
00:49:59
Margaret Cho September 11th I had a fork I had a fork in my hand and um we said we're Comedians and she goes you know who came in here was Adam Ry we love Adam R and I
00:50:13
took the [ __ ] what you Dr Phil's agent oh my agent yeah your agent okay uh he did go there it was uh yeah that's right it that's near the Yas right it's in the basement the basement of the Yas and
00:50:24
they have like shrimp Tartar and they got they like light up they put like put a Roman Candle in your Kobe be for some
00:50:30
[ __ ] yeah it's all fireworks and charades and shads and shirro Smalls there there's a lot of um there's a lot
00:50:36
of fun flare it's like an exciting time to be alive when you're there she loved she loved Adam Ray she said we took care
00:50:42
of her you Adam Ray was here we loved we loved Adam Ray and then Bobby said you know look we always leave more than 20%
00:50:49
uh but in this instance uh he goes let's just leave 20 just 20 for this I respect that do
00:50:55
you like to eat out a lot let's go to let's go to the phones Bobby likes to eat out a lot I every meal is out yeah he doesn't cook I don't cook but do do you order in or do you go out
00:51:06
I usually Postmates or um door Dash what's your favorite door Dash order I have every day is a different day I love
00:51:12
that Bobby you look like you eat a lot of chicken fingers and applesauce you look good Bobby you do
00:51:18
yeah so you're saying that I'm fat no you've gone like this since last time I've seen you no you don't understand
00:51:24
I'm saying that you have you eat your fun the way you eat and you eat like you're very young and Youthful in the
00:51:30
way you eat you're not here eating quinoa by the way worst diet therapist of all time you imagine sitting down
00:51:35
with him he's like you're not fat you're just your tits are getting longer yeah you're not fat you're just young yeah so
00:51:41
I had another one of those vomits so when we flew in from Miami I went got Chinese no not because but I took o wovi wovi who's wait what wovi it's
00:51:53
Korean OIC yeah it's yeah yeah yeah was my Xbox screen so I was eating I was sitting at at my
00:51:58
kit kit table and I started eat I started eating um the food okay and then I just diarrhea no the whole table was red vomit what yeah did you black out
00:52:13
when you and then I ran to the [ __ ] um thing and I vomited all over the [ __ ] um you were throwing up blood
00:52:18
Bobby Bobby that's bad that happened to me when I landed I went to McDonald's on Manchester and I threw up while driving
00:52:24
on lasena yeah so what did we eat it's the last time we're going to PF Changs I'll tell you crab fried crab fried rice
00:52:29
oh that's right it was the crab no you might have got the noro virus they have that no no no it was crab fried rice let's just say that okay yeah yeah
00:52:35
because that's sounds scary than noro no but we I threw up to did you really thank God because I was like what the
00:52:41
[ __ ] is going on yeah and the red was because of the Skittles it wasn't the because blood yeah had like red licorish
00:52:46
and Skittles yeah concerned about the blood there yeah yeah no it's not blood happy birthday to
00:52:54
you happy birthday to you oh birthday dear boy bad friends happy birthday to you 5 years we're 5 years old as of
00:53:13
today today as of today this episode what kind of cake carrot carrot it's for me yeah can you do with my hands yeah
00:53:20
yeah yeah you know he will we got it at the same Supermarket that Bobby got his uh you know oh yeah go ahead T beautiful
00:53:27
piece there delicious thank you you really did E it with your hand blow first [ __ ] [ __ ] no no wait make a
00:53:34
way let's do it together no you're sick go ahead and blow yeah what you wish for what let me guess yeah Jake Paul
00:53:47
oh one's not enough one Paul brother was just not enough for you get in there Dr Phil would you like a piece of cake I'm
00:53:52
going came on Atkins and now being uh being involved for anything for 5 years is a big deal look at you you're like a
00:53:59
drunk chick eating Frosted Flakes at 400 a.m. so five years let's talk about the five years five years pretty incredible
00:54:06
five year I've never done anything for five years stand up EX stand up thought it was longer than five years to be
00:54:11
honest you played FIFA for oh that's true that's true yeah I like I thought it was much longer than 5 years you only
00:54:17
started like right in the beginning of the pandemic that's right exactly congrats guys thank you so much we're very happy and we want to thank the fans
00:54:23
very much for being along for the ride for this it's been incredible also get that there's cake on your headphones there bub good boy good boy oh yeah this
00:54:31
is closer September 11th going to lick cake off going to eat carrot cake on I'm going eat you know Bob ly Reverend Bob
00:54:37
Ley eat blue cheese out of somebody I'm going to eat carrot cake out of somebody's ass tell me this what's your
00:54:43
what's what's on your rider for Madison Square Garden great honestly yeah to be honest I'm going to have a pizza from my
00:54:49
local pizzeria Joe and John's Pizzeria shout out Joe and John's Pizzeria Staten Island no [ __ ] Ridgewood Queen
00:54:55
Ridgewood Queens what was the place where you took us oh you in that was in Staten Island that
00:55:01
was at Restaurant Staten Island after after we were at the apartment we had pizza we had pizza at that joint and
00:55:06
it's in a it's in it's in an apartment complex it was on the first floor oh yeah we went to uh um um um um Sten
00:55:13
Island Staten Island it was really good I forgot the name now damn it they love I always that memory I don't know why
00:55:18
it's ingrained in I liked it I love that was a pleasant day also a wonderful day that we had we did that was a nice day
00:55:24
was a nice day in Pete Davidson's old apartment right I remember that yes yes yes so that that but I want I'm going to
00:55:30
have pizza and I'm going to have um gushers teila gush no not gushers dunkaroos oh have dunkaroos and then I'm going to have uh a cake from this German
00:55:43
bakery that I love um Kanye no well it's interesting you say that it's a black forest cake and the reason why I'm going to have that I think it's simple dude sorry just say forest cake no need to bring yeah that's insane it's a Kanye
00:55:55
forest cake and I'm going to and I'm going to have it because this actual Bakery which is from uh Ridgewood Queens
00:56:02
which is a historically German neighborhood when the na remember when the Nazis sold out the Garden in 1937
00:56:07
this Bakery did the catering w w so it's symbolic that's insane they sold out the
00:56:13
garden they did oh my God they did and as a m that's going to be my background is
00:56:18
George is this real the na they did they did who was the who was the G they gentlemen this next guy coming towards the stage towards colleges and clubs all over yeah it's
00:56:34
Hitler the man you came to see it's Hitler guys he's backstage right now he can hear you put your hands together what is Hitler's come out music
00:56:48
what was his walkout music what did he what did he come out the Aqua Barbie girl he comes he came out to a freak out freak
00:57:00
out he loved Nelly he was doing if you want to go and take a ride with me I thought you in Nelly F there you go
00:57:06
Kanye breakfast he came out to Kanye he came he probably would what a wild what a wild guy huh only Nazi t-shirts now
00:57:14
they're gone though they took them down we looked earlier in the podcast they're gone so we were trying to buy Carlos wanted to buy one so now he's got no
00:57:20
merch he doesn't nothing no nothing but yeah he doesn't even have a website but he still sells more merch but I did hear
00:57:26
still want one of those swasa shirts you can go to a Kill Tony live they are selling them there make my mustache fall
00:57:34
off do I gotta say this of the five years we've been doing this show little bit emotional reminiscing please it is genuinely from the bottom of my heart
00:57:47
the greatest thing that's ever happened in my career and I mean it without any joke it's the greatest thing that's ever
00:57:52
happened in my career in my life and thank you to the fans and thank so much we it means the world to us thank
00:58:00
you no that's a you guys are really it really is amazing to see I mean change change our lives man you're the top pod
00:58:06
no we're not the top we're just we're just we're humming along and I'm the people that come along for this stupid
00:58:11
ride with us it's the best it's the most it's the mo you know Dr Phil when you do shows it's the best the people that come
00:58:16
along for the ride it's wild it's it's cultish but what you guys have created isn't just a fun backdrop you know you
00:58:22
got diversity you got characters in the booth the guest uh always has fun the table is proportionate to your bodies uh the live shows are fun there's a pube
00:58:32
shot every other night that's right the the banter between you is maybe the be and and again not to get emotional um
00:58:39
maybe the best banter out there there was a time when I was a big like you ever watch Sharon Lois and Bram love
00:58:45
Lois and Bram they had great banter but and then here comes uh you know here comes Cisco and Ebert man but they were
00:58:53
on the wrong page more often than not you guys always yes and you support but you also encourage and you divulge in a way that most people can't you know Chris take it away you guys are um it's
00:59:07
really amazing to see how you thank you for being a bad friend and you guys are is that it I thought we're were GNA sing a song we do we have to sing a song to end the show know we have toing a bad
00:59:22
friend no we do have to sing a song Chris gets the first verse uh and then Dr Phil and then you and I will close it out so guys this is a bad friend song to
00:59:29
thank the bad friends for coming along for this ride with us and uh two of our very good friends and and special guest
00:59:35
Christ Stephano a special out on Hulu and he's playing Madison Square Garden September 11th please go see him New
00:59:40
York City in the surrounding areas go see our boy uh and uh Dr Phil of course represented by Adam Ray his uh his agent
00:59:47
Adam Ray comedy they're both on tour they're never going to overlap two separate entities you won't catch them in the same room we love them both very
00:59:54
much go ahead and take it away Chris Stephano so um just a song about bad friends the five years I don't need to
00:59:59
explain it man you should just be able to love to see bad friends you brought together United States and Korea M and it said it couldn't be done but you did
01:00:14
it hun Dr Phil boom you walk into a store late at night looking for some gum and a Jew on Jew fight but you don't you don't know what
01:00:32
you got into so you fill your car with gas you get your ass kicked by the guy at the front station cuz he ran out of
01:00:46
condoms and you're looking to [ __ ] so you got to drive home with a boner filled with [ __ ] oh Mom what have I done
01:00:57
I've got nothing on the radio so I'm going to turn on my favorite [Applause] show thanks for being a bad friend this is a 5050 podcast okay goad
01:01:26
and I feel like you're you think that you're the captain of the ship am we're we're no we're like the lighthouse we're the two dudes in the
01:01:32
lighthouse turn it off turn it off okay it's off all right if I was that Asian lady [Music] I'd
01:01:43
CH almost a ninja she almost a ninja oh are you cleaning a knife yeah what is that for um I just bought it bought it what
01:01:56
what would it be funny if I [ __ ] you ate you and I walked across to the island there's a resort I'm just in
01:02:03
Hawaii but I want to say this right now for the record yeah okay I like it you look good doing yeah I
01:02:10
don't I'm GNA do it this is great anytime anyway I'm going to get you for the record Finance advice Finance advice
01:02:24
he's I just saw m in my head Finance advice Koreans didn't have slaves did Koreans have slaves yeah Google that we were longest unbroken chain of slavery
01:02:36
of any society in history spanning 1500 years [ __ ] off that's not what it says
01:02:43
had the longest unbroken chain of slavery of any society in history [ __ ] holy [ __ ] not gay no more I am
01:02:57
delivered wait I have a question when you when you when you were my age and you were pooing does your [ __ ] like bleed a
01:03:11
lot let sink out just let that sink out who are you going to vote for d o n a l d t r o u m p Donal Trump Trump trump Trum
01:03:24
Trump see it's some fish I cooked earlier that's why it smells over there it's not because of young black men's bodies rotting in the fridge uh a SE
01:03:35
sexto company taboo announced uh a new line of vibrators with removable batteries finally I'm not going to have those embarrassing moments at
01:03:46
TSA jwes you have to oh that is the game one you do one word no no Jewels word one word one word everyone says one word is that what is is that the sentence you say one word and then you try and keep the Cadence of an actual story yeah yeah
01:03:58
you want to try that okay just a word yeah so jewes you're playing number one and number two this is how it works no this is how
01:04:10
you works we'll be right back who celebrates Thanksgiving on the second Monday of
01:04:23
October who celebrates Thanksgiving you know what no why'd you raise your hand because I want to go first go ahead go go ahead go um
01:04:34
juice wow that's definitely well that's the show we're canel well Jews that kid is Chinese on the right
01:04:46
definitely yeah that's there's no doubt in my mind well we need a test yeah yeah
01:04:51
I mean look at that if you saw him on the street go who's that little Chinese kid yeah like he looks like a Chinese guy that sells pineapples in the black
01:04:58
market 100% yeah yeah can I tell you that a few episodes can I tell you about I she Chinese too yeah is that your Asian accent no but why you doing this I don't know I'm turning
01:05:12
Japanese whoa the grizzly animal in Chicago your mom it's just a joke relax yeah my mother is very pretty she's a beautiful
01:05:26
woman unlike your cross-eyed mother well don't you you don't have to [ __ ] get I'm a Bobby mother I'm I'm Bobby Mom I'm
01:05:35
a you be sing hard hard out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention oh that feel good so now I don't have to feel bad for your little heartbreak [ __ ]
01:05:48
you Mr Herrera what what what is it yeah how far away is private investigator just taking out an iPhone
01:05:59
4T like look Bobby in the eye right now let's see your confidence level tell him to go [ __ ] himself look him right in the
01:06:05
eye say go [ __ ] yourself do it go [ __ ] yourself whoa that was so believable I love it man this is good I like this new rude do more do more look
01:06:17
him right in the eye and do it you're a fat piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] ready ready for another one you're not my blood and I don't respect you at all oh my God it looks so real when she
01:06:32
says it wo that was a good one that was a good one no one one more one one last one one
01:06:44
last one for the I like it I like it I like it I can't wait till aalila leaves you oh my god oh that one hurts that one St he's getting hit a little bit [ __ ]
01:06:58
wow I'm in the middle there look zoom in zoom in zoom in oh bye ancient crane technique if do right no can defend I how tall are you about
01:07:10
three just not way what who's taller than you or I that's a good question I'm 5'2 yeah I'm 5'2 bro you bro you're five foot no
01:07:23
don't do that and then um I plug in my iPhone whatever I have a phone right Samsung Samsung okay got to be Samsung all right Samsung yeah um does it matter
01:07:36
what kind of TV I'm looking at or tishaa yeah yeah yeah so I assume just by your thinking I'm wearing a kimona
01:07:48
100% what else did you be wearing at your house so just all right in public all right kimono have a sword a sword and your hair is in a a bun must
01:08:00
be and what's in it what's what's holding your hair up Chopsticks Chopsticks that's
01:08:08
correct oh you racist [ __ ] all right so for some reason for some reason for some
01:08:14
reason I I'm wearing regular clothes you're wearing regular clothes at the LI store but when I get home there's got to
01:08:19
be a montage where I put the you ever kiss someone of the same sex yes I do the time once or twice no
01:08:27
way or I love kissing people regardless of their sex third no way yeah I've suck
01:08:32
dick but never well why can't we make that the same thing they're not the same thing they're not the same thing I know
01:08:38
you went to Third Base instead of first ask kissing somebody so sensual they're saying did you ever they're saying did you ever hit a single and you're like well I got a triple yeah that's not what the question is over the years and you
01:08:50
may disagree with me I've learned a little move called Dodge you think you're quick enough to dodge a [ __ ]
01:08:56
elephant yeah let me ask you this right you think they're you think they're like a race that's an elephant would [ __ ]
01:09:04
kill you you didn't even move I know so I'm in the patio like you're going to make me go all the way around that's not the point you you're going to make me go
01:09:15
all the way around you're going to make me go all the way around all the way around Oh no
01:09:23
you're going to make me go all the way around Daddy I love you Daddy why you die Happy Father's Day
01:09:40
Daddy Daddy I can fly Daddy I miss you why are you dead why did you die Daddy I need you I need you so badly laying in your
01:10:04
bed I'm sorry I took photos of you while you were dead and sent it to the Hudson
01:10:12
what was in my head you were dead and I ripped out my phone I can't [ __ ] believe I did that [ __ ] I'm all alone I miss you daddy I love
01:10:27
you wo woo woo yeah