00:00:00
hey bad friends we are on tour we keep adding cities as we go people like come here come here come here we're trying we're figuring it out but go to badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com to
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get those tickets we're gonna be all over the country baby adding cities as we go go to badfriendspod.com grab them
00:00:19
tickets to see your boys on the road are we ready yeah are we greenlit okay I need to set my stuff up man I need to look good here it is oh you look good no but look how fat I am no but you but but
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it's it's pot it's um I look like a dumpling from Chinatown yeah no you look no it's me right now looking at this yeah look at it look at it see what it looks like
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yeah right there yeah you look like um no but you look like you're enjoying life you look like you're having a good time on this planet I wouldn't say you're necessarily fat uh at all I would say I would say you look like uh you
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probably have about 18 months left okay yeah that's rude yeah yeah you really who are these two idiots
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[Music] or something we're bad friends yeah let me uh because I'm filling in for Santino
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I thought I want to look like him uh just you know because I know he's in Australia now and who knows what yeah yeah yeah yeah so I don't because I
00:01:31
want the people at home to you know not think that he's being replaced or anything I want them to think that it's him so I'm in right but you still have
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the bigger deck then Andrew saying you think I'm a bigger than Andrew oh my God his is so small he does have a little
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red yeah it's like pale it's like one of those worms that you would see on the moon right right because it's like it gets no sun and there's no there's no
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like vitamins and nutrients in the soil yeah the worm is just barely alive he looks like he his dick I bet you looks like just a pale like just like pale
00:02:05
little unhealthy grow testing it always looks like it's like looking in the sun that's why what does he call his dick
00:02:10
what Bobby Lee okay that I didn't know that I was going to come that way you know I mean it went
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like this I was like we're having a good time and then boom right back to me is that what New York does yes well the
00:02:21
New York big boys okay yeah Dave King he knows right he's put me in his next movie all right um
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so here's the deal um man begin because it is still you know man my podcast Kinda Yeah well
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not for long well we'll see what yeah we'll see what happens yeah first of all I want to say um
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um thank you so much for your help today because you know Andrew Tui is you know he's Hollywood Santino is yeah oh you
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know you get it right yeah yeah I'm doing seeing uh Zac Efron you know he goes to these private like Portland country clubs with batemen and all those guys oh yeah you know what I mean yeah
00:03:00
and they who who I'm playing the part of today is is a known Scientologist and I have text messages to prove that 100 yeah yeah
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yeah it's so funny because um he had a briefcase once one of those old briefcases and one of the latches
00:03:21
were broken right right and he was kind of in a rush to get and it fell Dianetics right and then a little orb
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right right and I touched it right and the Xenu appeared whoa [ __ ] yeah I got so scared so scared yeah yeah and then and then right David muscavage came out
00:03:42
of nowhere oh my God grab the [ __ ] yeah got another limb I just drove off just drove off yeah yeah let me tell you
00:03:47
something here's what's going to happen for the for the time on this podcast because I'm I'm gonna be Andrew Santino but I'm gonna be a little bit different
00:03:53
and the key difference is guess what I'm going to be the interesting to you know who isn't mean to you I'm gonna be the Andrew Santino who's nice to you oh he
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doesn't have a compilation of of him yelling at you on the podcast which I don't support I'm gonna be nice to Bobby
00:04:06
Lee yeah well could I just say this yes is um you don't have the ability to do it even if you wanted to because I don't have that in me you're a softy I'm a soft and he's mean yeah you're gay yeah
00:04:19
you're amazing gay yeah yeah and you're sensitive and um you know like you know we were talking about playing the Hogwarts Legacy you wouldn't even be able to handle that no I don't even know what that is yeah yeah exactly I don't
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even know what that is when I hear warts I start looking at my [ __ ] I bet you money any Harry Potter movie scares you any hair Voldemort oh right yeah full
00:04:40
right I don't know the only thing I know about Harry Potter is when I went on the ride I went on his ride once in Disney World yeah you close your eyes probably
00:04:46
close my eyes yeah yeah yeah I close my eyes on that on that on that thing on the on the ride and I I was literally
00:04:52
and and and and yeah anything with Harry Potter to me and my family is gay let me ask you about Harry Potter do you know anything about it be real uh okay I love this name me all four houses you
00:05:08
can do that okay the only thing I know about Harry Potter is I have my My Views align very well with its author that's
00:05:14
what I know foreign no I don't know I couldn't tell you one of the Harry Potter houses I don't know I know that it's uh not Daniel Craig
00:05:28
what's the lead name Daniel Radcliffe Radcliffe yeah I know he got naked and did a uh a play I think The Vagina Monologues I know that I know yeah I know the girl who was uh who was Belle
00:05:40
from uh from the Beauty and the Boost movie that I watched my kids it's in the beauty of the booster Beauty and the Beast yeah yeah beauty and the beat that
00:05:46
she's [ __ ] hot that girl oh yeah yeah and then I think um not in Harry Potter no not in Harry Potter
00:05:55
and then so and so I know about that but I I gotta be honest with you I have not seen I don't think one second you
00:06:02
couldn't name me any of the houses even uh House of uh is Baltimore in uh Harry Potter yeah Voldemort Voldemort yeah that's not a house but that's not a house it's a guy I honestly dude I couldn't name you I couldn't not even a
00:06:14
character I couldn't I know Harry Potter that's it I don't know which is a school if that's good okay
00:06:21
that's a win but I learned that from the ride I see he got on the right I probably
00:06:26
said it yeah yeah yeah so I no I'm not a Harry Potter what are you guys big Harry Potter fans well I you know I number one I'm an
00:06:33
American citizen right right allegedly yeah number two I have eyes okay right and I'm I just simple cultural things I know right I think that Harry Potter is a cultural
00:06:45
thing that people should have like kind of uh it's like when you know I met that this girl on hinge and she goes what are
00:06:52
the Beatles what yeah if that's what Harry when you say I don't know anything about Harry Potter's that's what it feels like what
00:06:59
are the Beatles how about this you don't like anything I feel like you're not a fantasy guy no no like um like I literally like in uh to prepare
00:07:10
uh to prepare for this show because then it was gonna do a show with you I watched everything anywhere all the time
00:07:17
you know that big movie I watch that to prepare because I was like let me get you know Bobby want to speak about you
00:07:24
would think that that would why that movie because it's the most relevant one yeah because yeah because
00:07:30
there's so many other movies you're gonna watch it's the Asian one yeah yeah and I thought you should start with Kung Fu Panda right that's a good one Kung Fu
00:07:36
Panda's good it's a very good one rich Asians no even go back oh you could even come back Mulan yeah you could have gone
00:07:43
uh yeah Mulan Mulan is one of my favorite ones I can't believe Ronnie Chang wasn't in Mulan yeah Kung Fu you
00:07:49
could have done the TV show okay yeah yeah that was a good one David Carradine yes I mean he was my favorite I like
00:07:54
David Caruso better you do yeah why didn't even the one who auto erotic is fixated himself yeah
00:08:00
David Carradine was yeah David Carradine was sorry I was blinded by Carlos's head yeah
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oh yeah Corinthian yeah yeah Karen Dean did it wow he tied him you know do you think you could kill yourself you think
00:08:12
that's a martial art erotic asphyxiation you think that's like a move yeah I think it's a talent I
00:08:17
do think it's a move and I think that you know my kids are in Jiu Jitsu I'm hoping I'm wondering when that lesson is yeah that's the one I'll go to you think
00:08:23
when the door opens he goes yeah I know you come yeah it gives you like a stripe on your belt yeah yeah I think that yeah autoronic is fixated
00:08:38
you want to try it not now no you ready I really want to try it with you I'm on my new blood pressure medicine shout out
00:08:44
losartan and it's doing its trick 50 milligrams but not as horny and I don't get I'm I'm not waking up with morning
00:08:51
wood it's actually causing some issues in the relationship what's your BP what does that mean blood pressure bad still even on the meds no
00:09:03
on the meds it's okay right but do you ever forget take the meds or you take them religions
00:09:09
dude you're telling me like seven months ago you're like you're like oh you're like oh I take it you're like oh sorry I've had a 48 hour stomach virus I'm
00:09:15
like no dude I think you're having stroke symptoms I think that's what it is oh yeah I want to announce to everybody so um I have
00:09:21
did I already say it in front of everyone I had a 48 hour virus I'm here in New York shooting that Sex
00:09:27
in the City show I rap like late and then I came to the hotel I don't want to say it was oh I don't know where I got it but I I shot for a long time and then
00:09:39
my dick smells weird and it really does it smells so weird because I think you the Poo because you know when you have diarrhea that long you don't you forget to wipe it sucks yeah yeah I mean and
00:09:50
everything just you know I feel bad for the prostitute that got that on her chest when she came over yeah don't you
00:09:56
know cut that up but uh I mean yeah that's my cousin yeah but my point is and then so then today I woke up and I had my first meal in two day two to
00:10:07
three days what was it I had to be um BTS BLT BLT oh no BTS is the Korean piece I had to eat that one time too yeah it was delicious yeah yeah Korea I got it in Korea I I um I think that uh
00:10:23
well I'm happy that you're better and then you have your first meal well no because I feel no because I don't feel fully like you know me comedy already
00:10:30
right you know I mean so you know when you came in I'm like I'm glad it's you because you're so good yeah I mean you
00:10:35
have a gigantic pimple on your nose too what's that from yeah that sucks that you would even bring that up but
00:10:41
yeah no I thought it was because you missed Santino you just want to make your nose beat right so you can at least see something yeah
00:10:48
man there was because for two days I didn't wash my face and I woke up like with this thing on my
00:10:53
nose but here's the good thing about being Karina as we speak about this is even though you haven't bathed Koreans don't have it they have a gene that
00:10:59
makes them smellless you don't smell in the pits I don't you don't it's impossible so yeah yeah you could say whatever you want to call with my dick
00:11:05
I'll smell you dick really all right oh dude it does smell like [ __ ] yeah oh my god dude I've been taking a shower
00:11:20
in three days his penis literally it [ __ ] stinks oh no no it doesn't no I put cologne on it no no no it smells good no yeah don't
00:11:31
do that bad no it's not that was a trick dude that was Hawk from Hogwarts dude yeah that's where the game did I learned
00:11:37
that from the game bro it's pretty good the size yeah thank you the Lord and Savior like soft whatever soft dick it's
00:11:43
not bad bro can may I defend myself real quick buy the buy my eye right for the public right I've been single for what six months right and this is the honest
00:11:56
truth okay what's your name what's your name again man wolf wolf hear me out you know because you're the only one that doesn't know me here right you know when you look at me wolf right look at me wolf right you you and I know
00:12:10
you're not you know you're not gay or another I get it right you're mad you know all that stuff but what is it when you look at a guy like me right you you
00:12:17
would make an assumption that I had a small penis be real I wouldn't I totally you
00:12:22
wouldn't you wouldn't have any opinion probably oh no okay how old are you 29. he doesn't even see
00:12:30
gender 29 year old so he will know about that oh you're thinking oh I get it I'll
00:12:35
dress like that yeah yeah yeah yeah my bad my bad dude I didn't know wolf wolf but wolf I will tell you from from from
00:12:41
first-hand account he does have an above average sized penis so the four so the women that have seen it since I've been single this time right they've all remarked
00:12:52
what a surprise honestly I agree and I think that's better going in like that yeah because
00:12:59
if I was a if I was wolf right right who happens to be a black guy can I say that you sure right if I was wolf and wolf had my size penis it
00:13:10
would be a disability problem it would be a problem a disappointment my point being right is I think I'm winning
00:13:16
yeah wolf I would say if if there was a contest and I would say whose dick is bigger wolves or Bobbies I would I would
00:13:23
not think you but after seeing your penis I think I think you could be within Striking Distance of wolf thank
00:13:29
you so much yeah you know I'll take that as a win speaking of wolves oh yeah go ahead I've seen Twilight
00:13:36
I haven't seen Harry Potter's but I've seen Twilight Team Edward Team Jacob okay why because that's stuff that my
00:13:42
daughter and uh my girlfriend want to watch but they don't want to watch Harry Potter Harry Potter my stepson wants to watch and he's you know not my you know
00:13:49
we're we're we're connected because he's my stepson but I don't watch the kind of stuff he wants to watch I only watch my
00:13:55
biological children okay that's fair I'm kidding I love myself if you wanted so he's he's asked Daddy
00:14:03
yeah Daddy can you watch uh Harry Potter's Harry Potter's which means yes Harry Partridge yeah well he's the one that wants how old is he does he talk like that 12. yeah he talks like that
00:14:15
right it talks like that yeah right yeah he has Down syndrome Daddy no that's not rude this is what white 12 year old kids
00:14:22
I did the [ __ ] I'm a sketch guy you are a sketch guy I was on a schedule for eight years yeah I've done the research
00:14:27
yeah right and I know about right on television yeah this [ __ ] that people do on YouTube
00:14:33
no what he thinks you're bowing yes thank you yeah but my point is is that so I I've done my research so this is Daddy right what a value with me
00:14:49
what would you say to him what I would say I would say um I would say hold on well first of all yeah I would I would remove my penis from his mom's mouth and I'd say oh I see it yes and I would say
00:15:01
I told you to [ __ ] knock when I'm in here with you mother a child do I mean yeah yeah I'd say what do you want to
00:15:08
watch Harry Potter uh Harry Potter I would say I would say okay fine you can watch it after I watch the game now go get me a beer that's what I said oh the game the game right I would say you
00:15:20
watch we're watching the game first because it's my house okay you don't like it you could go live with your your own [ __ ] family go Patriots nobody
00:15:28
would say no well he would say that and then he'd get a smack that he would say let me guess yeah go
00:15:35
um what's New York New York Jets he's got another [ __ ] smash oh I get it wrong um go Yankees yeah then I would say okay
00:15:47
good oh they're taking me hitting me Daddy yeah oh I know taking New York or apples
00:16:03
and he's jerking off yeah he's jerking off right there yeah no and by the way I would never hit my kid and he would
00:16:08
never jerk off and that this is just I've never hit my kids this is just a [ __ ] schedule I would never hit my kids I would never uh hit my girlfriend
00:16:15
I would never make my stepchild uh watch me get a [ __ ] from his mother I'm impersonating Andrew Santino those are
00:16:21
things he would do he would have 100 do it and those those playing by Scientology rules playing by Scientology yeah but he wouldn't be on medication
00:16:28
yeah yeah I know I made my steps on watch cheeseburger yeah you know it's funny Chris um what's going on Carlos is shocking every time I see him by that he doesn't he doesn't look like for he's
00:16:39
from this era he literally what era does he look like Carlos honestly he looks like a woman from the future
00:17:06
yeah we should do a movie She 2086 yes and it's Carlos you're the star she and what happened now does the woman that looks like that in the future right well go look because some people don't know
00:17:18
let's just oh yeah you're people know who you look like people know Carlos yeah but just stand in front of the thing this is the
00:17:25
new movie yeah God sit next to me this is the new movie yeah 2000 she 2086 right it's so both actually me and you both look like women from the future yeah so let me ask you in the women of
00:17:37
women from the future right is the vagina still the same shape and whatnot no because I think it's morphed over the
00:17:44
time it's having less and less children nobody has kids right now right so it's it's oh so it's harder to find it's even
00:17:49
harder to tighter that's good it's more calcified uh is it the hymen does the hymen grow back and create the world where's his chain from is that Amazon oh that's Gucci
00:18:00
chain I like that how many [ __ ] idiot 900 for that I [ __ ] like that dude Italy no you know what it is not hard work Rich parents do you have Rich
00:18:11
parents good nice dude well I'm also at work I flew here I know thank you so much
00:18:19
we flew you here yeah I mean the company that's not first class right no of course not yeah well here's here's a question I have for you get on screen or yeah come on get on screen what's wolf at Wolf left wolf yeah wolf because he's
00:18:32
29 he's a 29 on black many stage of protest yeah that's it all right see this is
00:18:38
what happens if you give them time on then they keep going yeah now see Santino would never allow this to happen he wouldn't let go
00:18:44
yeah yeah um yeah yeah just for a second wait a second is fancy out then where's fancy baby you had a baby yeah I have
00:18:53
text to prove that Fancy's on Russia's side fancy is has taken Russia in this in this Great War
00:18:59
uh this episode of bad friends is brought to you by betterhelp listen uh Bob and I have talked
00:19:05
so much about better help getting to know yourself can be a lifelong process especially because we're always growing
00:19:11
and changing um you know I'm not the same person I was in my 20s okay and life builds and
00:19:17
you new stresses occur traumatic events and whatnot and you just hold that stuff in your body and if you don't release it
00:19:24
it turns into ailments and stuff right so um I went into better help and I got therapy especially specifically for my
00:19:30
trauma and now I feel super light I like this way more than in person therapy because I don't like to travel somewhere I'd rather do it from the comfort of my own couch uh and truth be told I think
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it's so beneficial to just clear your mind uh and all you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched
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00:19:53
friends today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com bad friends ship station you guys we have an online store here and we use ship station we
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promo code bad friends thank thanks to shipstation for sponsoring the show so I hope that people know Russia versus Ukraine fancy fancy as fancy has been
00:21:08
telling me privately that he want hopes Russia steamrolls Ukraine so just want to let you know who you have working for you why so maybe he has uh maybe he knows Putin or maybe he has Rush is his
00:21:20
wife Russian no she's a white girl from the south are you sure by the way she could be a sleeper agent with Fancy's
00:21:27
hip and ass he has also looks like a woman from the future fancy loves Porsche that's true right
00:21:33
right he's got handles he does have handles yeah yeah if I was in prison what's fancy dude yeah I would just grab
00:21:38
the skin around it yeah and that's a lot of skin yeah and I would just Yank It Down onto my dick fancy he's got a body
00:21:45
like one of those guys like like he lost 300 pounds and never got the Skin Surgery but he was never found to begin with so he just he was just born with a
00:21:52
DNA a guy who lost all this weight but he never had to lose it right he would confuse Dr no yes yes yeah he would walk
00:21:58
in doctor knows you need to get the skin you're removed he's like I'm not one of those oh buddy just trick me yeah yeah
00:22:05
yeah that's what Dr No would do do you love that show uh no I what is that that's the one yeah with the 600 pounds
00:22:11
yeah I like that show um I like that show but sometimes I feel like what happens now with television is
00:22:18
is it makes people almost want to be faster so they could get on that show right like I think sometimes people like
00:22:23
oh let me get to eight 900 pounds some of my casting tape they see that I'm like a real [ __ ] whale yo you
00:22:29
couldn't be like 150 50 and go I gotta get to 600. you have to be like 400 and if you were 400 pounds I could see you're laying in bed like you're 400 right and you're watching TV and like
00:22:42
God they just don't do shows about 400 pounds right and then your head clicks right and goes if I just ate three extra
00:22:49
pizzas today yeah a day yeah I could get to that TV level yeah right and then that's that's the thing I think there's somebody out there that does that right I think that there's somebody out
00:23:00
there that would has has tried to get on the show just that by overeating with the simple fact of I just want to get casts on that show that's what I think yeah by the way you haven't commented I
00:23:11
lost weight and you didn't say anything when you walk into the [ __ ] thing I I I I I I gasped yeah I guess because I went oh my God here's a real star I'm
00:23:26
being real glasses can you take the wig off now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you commented about it you're a good looking
00:23:31
guys give me the wig [ __ ] the wig all right okay now you have good hair do you like that dude I'm telling you right now
00:23:36
dude I'll be a real Realty dude I'll do this you could be I hate to say this you could be the best looking male comic in Show Business right now what about Matt Rife
00:23:49
no Hottie with a body he is haughty right um but there's he's suspect to me got it like if he's straight or gay no are you
00:24:02
correct Ray no that's what's up right now no what suspect about it right are you Craig right now no I met I met
00:24:09
himself I know what he does because I I know that if Matt I gotta fart into the mic do it
00:24:21
dude look here I took this I took a sexy pic for you too so could I say something about Matt Rife yeah
00:24:27
but yeah [ __ ] dude holy [ __ ] dude I want to see my penis I love it Dad you want me to put it up on the show yeah I'll text it to you let me see it Matt right is
00:24:38
somebody I look at him and I go oh I could beat him up but he's a boxer though it doesn't matter I feel like I can so he wouldn't
00:24:46
be but you I just know you would defeat me right in a real you would never because your insides would go against my
00:24:52
point though because you're a good guy but I'm just saying if we didn't know each other yeah and I went in and I you
00:24:57
know you know hugely boogly your kids you know you know what I mean yeah you're saying I could get it to a level
00:25:03
what does oogly boogly mean who knows who knows because I don't think yeah because I think you
00:25:08
know what the difference is because I think I know a little bit more about history that Matt ripes are my hate for Asians is more than him because when you
00:25:15
look like history you really want to hate the Asians can we talk about that real quick because you know I have a new stand-up
00:25:21
joke about Oppenheimer love them Riot love them and I did a good thing okay Manhattan Project he needed to do that because he the Japanese were out of
00:25:34
[ __ ] control yeah so there's the joke is you know I mean there's certain movies I can't can
00:25:39
I just tell you the joke yeah that wrote right let's do it so you know um just some movies I can't be in like Oppenheimer Christopher Noll that's a white movie right I mean the guy that invented the atomic bomb right you know
00:25:51
Matt Damon Robert Downey Jr and I said I could be an Opera number two Hiroshima right right I'll be on the screen for
00:25:57
five seconds you know what I mean yeah I have only one line you know what I mean it's working really well that's a great
00:26:04
tell the joke though I get angry and because because it always [ __ ] reminds me because look at Pearl Harbor
00:26:10
dude yeah right they showed that movie right look at what they did right we were they were sleeping yeah Emperor hirito no right yes right and then check
00:26:21
this out right what in return it's like the old Russian um um thing that they say if you hit me with a feather I'll hit you back with a tank
00:26:32
yeah right yeah they hit us back with ten thousand not I'm not Japanese right but they hit them back with 30 000 tanks yeah it was like the right
00:26:43
but but but do you understand Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave's are you Jewish Dave as a Jew I'm here to tell you I mean Hitler didn't like Jews because of art class right some some you know
00:26:57
Jewish kid in the class painted a better picture you guys are more creative Hitler preserved all the art in World
00:27:02
War II by the way a little known fact all right anyway so let's argue that what the [ __ ]
00:27:09
bro okay so here's what happened yeah so so I think people too you don't understand why the United they're like
00:27:15
why would Japanese hit the US they had to because you know that first of all you're Korean you know if I was a
00:27:21
Chinese person which I'm I'm not I'm not saying I'm not um United States so I was definitely made in China yeah but but I am saying
00:27:27
that Chinese people from the era of the 20s 30s and 40s they have a lot of reasons to hate the Japanese you know
00:27:33
everybody talks about how bad you know white people are on the straight white male and that's all in the news the the
00:27:39
[ __ ] Japanese what they did to the Chinese is so much more important to the Koreans what they did the Koreans they would banging at babies light people on fire all in the name of manifest destiny
00:27:50
so my dad told me the story once yeah because as a kid I used to go um dad all the white kids you know I mean their parents tell them bedtime stories and you never do and I said it for like
00:28:02
a year right and so one night I was like maybe 11 10 years old I was in bed and my dad walked in he goes he goes story
00:28:09
time right like more like with a smile yeah I'm like this is cool right yeah and he goes um you know
00:28:19
they're way back you know when Japanese or press okay they take Korea and they take and they attack them and with the
00:28:27
Rope upside down and I go okay you're dead and they take you know big you know boiling water you know and they hang three you know sometimes building but three right and
00:28:40
they don't you know Korean upside down into boiling water so many times a little skin they go they scream ah he would do the movement
00:28:53
right and I remember okay thank you good night you're like I didn't want you to finish right yeah but like that's the
00:28:59
kind of [ __ ] they used to do yeah yeah yeah that was they were and so the Japanese atrocities but it's one guy
00:29:04
right yeah did you forget your hair to show that you're more Japanese now because you you just pushed in a samurai
00:29:09
ponytail in the back yeah you know I'm 10 Japanese are you 10 Japanese yeah I did it at the uh the 23andMe so more okay it won't be probably because it was raped into you that's probably what it
00:29:20
was like no seriously they are being real they came and raped it oh they rejected in me the 1930s Japanese the
00:29:27
1930s Japanese people [ __ ] themselves the 1930s Japanese deserve the nuke not not the end not the civilians but the
00:29:33
1930s Japanese soldiers natural cool the 1940s Japanese soldiers deserved oh yeah now the [ __ ] Japanese Pokemon
00:29:39
Godzilla Hello Kitty thank you thank you thank you nice the best candies delicious I love it I love a modern day Japanese but back then yeah yeah that's why and that's why the United States the
00:29:56
atrocities were so bad in Nan King you know they've heard of the rape of Nan King no so okay Nan King China sounds
00:30:03
like a good restaurant to go to the rape would you eat at a place called the rape 100 yeah it'd be delicious yeah
00:30:10
Nan King was the um was the capital of China called the Republic of China Rock Jay-Z and so Nan King the Japanese when they were invading China right before World War II they
00:30:22
said we're going to invade China and they said we need to have a terror we need to put fear into the Chinese people
00:30:27
because they viewed the Chinese as sub-human so they started they would enter Nan King they bayonetted the babies rape the women torture the women
00:30:33
Kill Them Burn families alive in front of the father all that stuff horrific horrific and then the United States
00:30:39
heard about that the whole world heard about that and they said we're done dealing with Japan embargo no money for
00:30:46
oil no money we're not helping them out in any way shape or form because Japanese were like Manifest Destiny like we want to take over all of Asia that
00:30:51
[ __ ] is ours so then that's why they bombed us to Japanese because they had we stopped giving them money to fuel
00:30:57
their War Machine and oil to feel their war machine so they hit Pearl Harbor when they hit Pearl Harbor they [ __ ] up then they got put in the microwave
00:31:03
three years later but they deserved it you know what thank you there you go you're right my name is Christopher De
00:31:10
Stefano yeah Christopher's there's a little segment I do on my YouTube but you know what bothers me with us yeah what bothers me about the whole time I
00:31:16
think you're right but what bothers me about it is because the people that died though right did not literally have
00:31:22
nothing to do with that zero that's the government it's Emperor they worshiped him as a sun god right yeah and it's
00:31:29
like all these people babies people what's why are you smiling you pieces because of the Sun God thing it made me
00:31:34
laugh yeah what that's what they said Sun God yeah it's crazy Gucci chain that's true right yeah yeah I think because of how rich he
00:31:46
grew up and privileged life he has that was God's way to balance out I said I'm not going to grow any hair in the middle of your head for your whole life
00:31:53
you can only grow on the sides right even wolf is do you have sisters right yeah do they have the same room yeah they have hair they do yeah are you sure I've yeah I saw is it like if I look at
00:32:05
their head in the sun when I see gaps no no they have external hair yeah honestly
00:32:10
this here's the type of hair that looks like he was born in the outskirts of Hiroshima right right
00:32:18
fully there yeah what I like about Carlos is the commitment to this because much like Stavros when Star Bros will come out and be have hair only you know no hair in
00:32:30
the middle and a gap in the tooth he beautiful women are like confident confident and Carlos beautiful are you gay no okay
00:32:37
allegedly beautiful beautiful women yeah beautiful women I bet you come up to Carlson like because they're confident
00:32:43
confident confident because if you pull off that look it is very very difficult yeah because he has the beautiful hair in the back but it just in the middle
00:32:49
that's creative what did you start losing it oh like when I was 20. right yeah it looks I'm telling you I don't
00:32:56
know if you had a full head of hair I don't know if you'd be as handsome I think you're better off this way was the
00:33:03
drug addiction because of the hair I no I wasn't addicted to drugs because I was
00:33:09
sad about my hair can we Replay that no I wasn't addicted to drugs no you could have been like 17
00:33:15
and like you saw a clump came out I want to get on Fentanyl no my dad's bald and all she knew it was coming oh you know
00:33:22
what's coming I just didn't know it would show up so quick no but it comes to your mom's side though no that's what they say male pattern baldness comes
00:33:28
from the mom's side yeah yeah so they say yeah I mean I just saw my dad being bald and I was like I assumed I would be no dude it looks it really does like you
00:33:35
really do look really good like that you pull off and it's interesting because when you put the Hat on it's like oh look this flowing hair and then boom
00:33:42
cancer yeah I mean I've mentioned this before I used to work at a coffee shop with this [ __ ] a dwarf little person
00:33:47
yeah right he's all three whatever he's all three no they don't mind yeah little
00:33:53
person I mean yeah they love it all um ah Hobbit that I've seen right um but he I worked with him back in the
00:34:03
early 90s oh at a coffee shop they had rights did they even have rights back then no you could step on them you can do anything sometimes you would put them
00:34:11
in the coffee grinder yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you could like lean on them yeah they hated it you know what I mean yeah but you know you could use them as a you know but um no rights back
00:34:21
then but this kid had tattoos though okay all right I need a gold tooth whoa right so he was one of those nice wow
00:34:28
magical what he's like magical almost yeah and he was like a ground what the [ __ ] you're looking at man you know I
00:34:34
mean like one of those guys yeah yeah yeah yeah and he always had the hottest chicks I believe it I've
00:34:41
ever seen confidence and one day you know because he's only he was only like an inch shorter right so you know I would kind of like look at him like this you know what I
00:34:52
mean yeah yeah and go I think yeah but um but yeah I'm Asian but my point is is that how come you know you get so many
00:34:58
women he goes he goes he used to call me Lee yeah right you're one of those guys you
00:35:04
know what I mean I've seen you around man you don't even try you're scared I mean I go to a back
00:35:11
a bat a hundred times I strike out 98 times and sometimes I'll hit two you don't Strike wow and I still never Strike after that lecture I still didn't
00:35:23
do it but I got it but I realize why what's the reason because I did I never I was too scared oh you but but why did you not even try though like what's the reason because I'm not willing to get
00:35:35
rejected 98 times right but that's but then right but that pain but why did you pick a life in comedy
00:35:41
then it's our whole life is rejection that's a different kind of rejection you think that a woman you being rejected
00:35:46
from a role or something like that you know because comedy rejection I always felt that with Society how could it get
00:35:53
be worse than what society's doing right right so I you know I I always viewed stand up as a war me versus the audience and I'm gonna win
00:36:04
the military veterans right now are agreeing with you thank you for who are sitting there you know somebody has a
00:36:09
torso is listening to bad friends right now be like comedy is a war that's a [ __ ] using you're using a straw to
00:36:15
[ __ ] into a straw yeah all right you're right I shouldn't use a different analogy no but I like it okay okay my
00:36:22
point is is that but being rejected by a woman is a different kind of pain and now I'm okay with it I'm fine with it
00:36:28
yeah I throw it out all the time and I don't care you know I mean you know who cares yeah at this point what the hell's
00:36:34
the difference there's no difference 50 years old but we've been rejected you're going to find the woman here can I go back to the China though yeah
00:36:40
um and this is more of a historical thing please I had read somewhere that it was the Chinese
00:36:47
hundreds of years ago that were the first people to invent gunpowder yeah that is true right so they could have
00:36:54
and pasta and pasta yeah so they could have had you know I mean guns and spaghetti way
00:37:00
before the Italians you'll enter the mafia right yeah my point is is that if they would have developed that the
00:37:07
gunpowder into guns because the Europeans took the gunpowder yeah and they made these weapons and that's why
00:37:13
they took over the world yeah right but why didn't the Chinese do that I think because at that time the Chinese the the
00:37:20
some of the stuff I read was that they knew the power behind it and they wanted to leave it but where the Europeans said
00:37:27
we know the power on that we're gonna make like Oppenheimer yeah that is that interesting yeah yeah and do you think
00:37:33
it's religious based because you know the Chinese right or Eastern religions like Buddha you know what I mean sure peaceful people this and that support and they're not well Taiwan we'll see
00:37:44
yeah yeah you're right but the Christians are more like you know I mean Crusades and you
00:37:49
know I mean will make you you know believe you know yeah it's interesting man I think because with Christianity I
00:37:56
think that the fundamental difference is I don't think in Buddhism and in the Eastern religions I don't think they
00:38:01
Place such an emphasis on what happens here on Earth on where you get placed in the afterlife I think it's like spiritual ancestors whereas Christianity
00:38:08
they're so worried about where they're going to be placed in the afterlife so their actions here on Earth get dictated
00:38:14
by that that's what I think one of the that's why I think Christianity the guilt the anxiety or the the you know at
00:38:21
one point you know the [ __ ] being like you better be a Christian or else I'm not if I don't convert as many Christians I'm going to go to hell for
00:38:27
it all that stuff is they believe placement here but don't even isn't murder a sins listen people at different
00:38:33
times in history you can convince anybody of anything I mean you know Russia just wants to land in the Ukraine so but they're saying all these they're
00:38:40
calling Ukrainian Nazis and this and that which may or may not be Nazis are bad they're just taking the land
00:38:45
you know you know there was one not here's here's the thing what Nazis were bad I [ __ ] the Nazis but do you know
00:38:51
there was a Nazi okay there was a Nazi no he tried to help your people in Nan King when the Japanese were executing all the people of Nanking the there was a Nazi his name was John and he that was
00:39:04
his name what's his last name I forgot bar maybe his name was Roseanne's Father John John Barr oh yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:39:11
John wanted John the Nazi wanted to help the Chinese citizens flee Nan King and he went up to Hitler and said can we organize help and Hitler said no Hitler said he said well no Hitler was like I
00:39:26
want them all dead because you know Hitler was you know he was in there he was like they don't have enough art for me Hitler didn't like the Chinese art
00:39:32
the Ceramics I love it yeah I'm not listen I'm not pro-hitler at all I'm just saying that they yeah wait wait so
00:39:38
let me ask you about Hitler because obviously you know a lot sure right so he uh didn't like the Chinese either he
00:39:45
didn't like anybody who was an Aryan who wasn't who wasn't it he specifically said yeah I want the entire race of
00:39:52
people to have blonde hair and blue eyes when he didn't have blonde hair and blue eyes it's so wild yeah he had he ever even
00:39:59
met a black person I don't think he ever met if he met one I think he would he'd like him sure he probably met one he
00:40:06
like met wolf oh yeah yeah man he would be like this guy's got the big penis bigger than
00:40:12
Bobby Lee well no you would have to hide it I think that we'd be threatened by that yeah hide the Dick Wolf
00:40:17
I would tuck it yeah right and I would you know is nothing okay just say it no man because I know I say
00:40:34
I ruined the [ __ ] room why what no you won't Bobby it's your show oh now what is um what is going on here with this podcast is it what do you think do you think bad friends are we coming to
00:40:45
the end is it gonna go for another 10 years is it going to blow up is it going to be oppenheimered what do we think
00:40:52
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00:43:30
information go to forthepeople.com slash bad friends or dial pound law that's pound 529 from your cell phone that's for for the people.com bad friends or pound law that's pound529
00:43:43
from your cell can I ask you this question why are you asking because I feel like you're asking
00:43:50
me this because you want to do something with Andrew I want to do something no no no no I no
00:43:56
believe it or not I'm not asking because of that I'm asking because it's similar because I want to do something with you
00:44:01
are you being real with me right now yeah you and I would have a good one yeah yeah I want to do something with
00:44:06
you yeah who else could be in there uh wolf there you go wolf let me ask you something Bud let's be real dude do you own this company here no no you're just an employee right yeah right but check
00:44:19
it out dude right if you got to produce uh Bobby Lee Chris [ __ ] podcast you would leave this company no
00:44:33
with our [ __ ] podcast do it I'm happy he doesn't want to do it bro hello fresh gives us real money oh my God I love tea Integrity yeah that's Integrity
00:44:46
Integrity Hitler would have killed him for that yeah I don't know you would have died for that make no mistake they
00:44:51
kill the artist and they kill the people like that with the Integrity I hate Integrity can't be broken yeah I don't like you can't be prone I want to break
00:44:57
people oh yeah you can't break it why are you so unbreakable you can't break them do you hate do you like that or do
00:45:03
you think it's admirable did that to me for him or did what to you so I was on Mad TV do you hear about this I was on Mad TV right and faheem Anwar
00:45:15
was an open Miker right an open Micah right he I saw an open mics and I was at Mad TV and I go uh I wrote a sketch with um a couple of writers and I it was like um Dave Navarro was in it okay right and
00:45:30
um it was like what you know when MTV had those cribs that crib show sure so I was gonna do a Bobby Lee crib show right
00:45:35
and you know you go through my house and you open up this is my cloud you open up and I wanted an Arab man
00:45:42
oh right like kind of with just wearing a you know man little head thing making something and just look up we don't even you know address it and just close it right
00:45:55
like making food or a bomb I don't know an Oppenheimer yeah I don't know what it was no it's a stew or something that's
00:46:02
hilarious yeah yeah and he said no for him so I walked up to him he was an Obama I go and yeah dude it's like it's sag intermitting and you'll get paid
00:46:09
like 1500 because we're gonna use it as a you know I mean uh a guest star or whatever and he goes no
00:46:16
I go why are you guys I don't want to play an Arab person he's like wolf I like that yeah now wolf
00:46:23
is one of those guys the difference is Wolf would have did it no he went off you know they won't put it down no no no no no no I would have sucked dick for it
00:46:32
I would have sucked everyone's dick for it even the [ __ ] sound guy yeah I wouldn't even ask what
00:46:38
you do he has a boom what do you do I'm a boom oh you have no power you know what my point is is that yeah I was like
00:46:45
I'm that guy I think I'll do anything to make it right would you but now uh I would say a few years ago yes but definitely back then yeah yeah no what but but but but what now that you have
00:46:57
made it in many ways what what do you feel is missing because I feel like you're a guy who you've careers become
00:47:03
so successful but you push the goal post further and further away and you don't realize your success oh no no I'm
00:47:08
already there you feel it you feel good about yourself now then no I I feel um oh it's just she broke it just no The Matrix I'm being real because I don't
00:47:26
know because I'm being real I want to say the right thing right I feel like I have everything that I've ever wanted or needed right the future
00:47:39
yeah why [ __ ] you say that I'm just kidding did you get a new maid by the way or is
00:47:44
it still Kyla's mom Clara's Mom it's still your maid that's beautiful because you're connected to her it's beautiful
00:47:49
yeah yeah no it's a control thing I think oh a fool with who from you to you want to have some sort of control still I need I need to know things yeah you
00:47:59
need you want to be able to you know I mean ask questions yeah yeah I mean I mean the other day I go
00:48:07
hey I want to come over to your new house and see the dogs she goes not today I go why do you have a guy over she's like yeah oh she just said yes and I go
00:48:19
okay does that hurt you what guy someone you know so it does hurt you still and could I say another thing yeah I would like to get this off of my chest and you're not
00:48:29
gonna [ __ ] believe this David right let me tell you another thing she's on Raya right we know okay you have seen her on there I know I've
00:48:42
seen her on there too okay I've seen you on there and a guy you see me on there no no no I deleted that account a guy
00:48:49
that we've had on my that we're associated with right like to run Raya okay oh yeah went for him her right it's not good and now this guy has been
00:49:01
texting me hey let's hang out but you know that he went in on Ryan you know he went far right yeah he
00:49:07
doesn't know that you know I because he never texts me and it's been like two or three texts in a week
00:49:12
uh right so I think he thinks he has no there's a feeling right so let's hang out let's party let's you know what I mean let's get let's hang right I'm like yeah let's do it next time back and you
00:49:23
know what I mean but you know how did you know that he messaged Sean Ryan she told me she showed me she showed you she
00:49:29
look at who liked me got it right and there should be a rule no there should be a [ __ ] rule listen right right no no because if you and asked in
00:49:40
the middle of this yeah Dave if you and Esther right broke off right this should just be rude that Carlos can't like
00:49:46
Esther oh my God why are you putting me in that situation because you guys are all close
00:49:52
that you would perturb you so this guy's like a Carlos in your life like he's closer to you yeah
00:50:00
yeah it was George Kimmel dude that would laugh that was hilarious no no this person is like a guy that I'm a huge fan of oh [ __ ] yeah I'll tell you later
00:50:12
I'll tell you later what it is so yeah I um I I you're not gonna believe it wolf I think uh yeah you're not gonna believe
00:50:19
you might work for his podcast I I think that I think that my general rule yeah like even see Mr Dave King even though I haven't been in any of his movies yet just even the simple fact being in the
00:50:31
presence of him yeah if Dave died tomorrow yeah in an accident Esther's like the only thing that's going to make me feel better is to go on a date with
00:50:37
Chris I wouldn't do it because even when I'm in a man's presence and I know him to be with that woman of course friends
00:50:43
and family off off limits but even that even Wolf's girlfriend I would not even come close to anybody's you have a girlfriend wolf
00:51:15
you too man we don't do right I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't hit on them I wouldn't hit on
00:51:21
that it's not right but if there's plenty of women out there okay but come out with this song and there's even more women now because most a lot of guys are
00:51:28
going trance right now it's better right it's better because you have not only do you have a men's sperm count being altered by some type of I think conspiracy either from
00:51:40
the Russians or the or the uh Chinese to infiltrate our water to make us more feminine because everybody I know is
00:51:46
only having daughters so that's one more women they're coming up more biological men yeah becoming female
00:51:52
so there's as many women as you can so there's no reason to hook up or even try to hook up with one of your friends
00:51:58
girlfriends that is a power move yeah that is it's all coming from power and I think those people I think those people
00:52:03
I would love for them to have been in Nanking in December of 1937. thank you so much for that yeah I really
00:52:09
appreciate that dude yeah never ever ever ever ever uh try to try to hit on she tried to hit on me and I rebuffed it well you dude first of all I um I I feel
00:52:23
like I only see you like once or twice a year and every time I see you though every time I see you I be real
00:52:30
everything be nice every time I see you yeah yeah you're you look like a a person to me that I think is is is is is
00:52:39
is is going towards happy but not there yet you're always struggling you know what I
00:52:45
mean like you're but but I don't believe you to be in a negative space or or whatever I believe you to be this guy is
00:52:52
is right on the fence and he's leaning happy so what is it going to take to push you into being happy you know you
00:52:57
see all those people working those Cobalt mines in Africa yeah right thousands of people that's where we get
00:53:04
our you know the battery from the cell phones yeah I appreciate the 5G thank you so much for doing it thank you
00:53:10
because we love it you know I mean and I know that you respect that we have the phones yeah I'm gonna get a Tesla as well and I know Cobalt goes into that
00:53:16
yeah so without your hard work but my point is is that you know these kids like five-year-old kids are making two
00:53:23
dollars a day and these just what's so funny I'm not like why do you left because every time there's a [ __ ]
00:53:28
every time I know your humor or some [ __ ] [ __ ] up thing you laugh are you trying
00:53:37
but it's you [ __ ] you Mexican piece of [ __ ] why do you laugh about the Cobalt people [ __ ] dying on the
00:53:43
[ __ ] because I know you're leading to a joke there's no joke I know you're mentioning Cobalt people no because because I
00:53:51
was gaslighting me I'm not because you once I'm finished saying what I'm gonna say right yeah
00:53:56
you're gonna realize there is no joke right and then who's the [ __ ] sad one you are that because I assumed it was
00:54:02
you made an assumption right today right I see these kids you know doing the Cobalt right right right and I'm like it
00:54:10
just kind of dawned on me like because I was laying down playing you know Hogwarts Legacy
00:54:17
you know what I mean and I was like doing my own you know I mean kind of mining in it you know I mean
00:54:26
yeah you know what I mean because I you know I was capturing beasts right and I got some puff skins right and you know
00:54:33
you have to Cone them and then feed them right and I was mining their fur right and then on my phone I was like
00:54:39
there's a difference there's a difference in my mining I'm in a good place yeah it's like R2 to
00:54:47
mine yeah yeah it's not the same right and people live these terrible lives right and I live it's such a great light
00:54:54
and now you know I've lived a life in the last 25 years that was magical the last 25 years of my life has been storybook and I've complained
00:55:06
through the whole thing so what about the next one this is the whole [ __ ] thing just bitching and moaning my back
00:55:13
hurt you know I mean and if I look back I go wow you had a storybook life yeah right and it keeps getting better so right so my point being is is that I
00:55:24
feel like if there is a God and if there is I'm gonna get there and he's gonna go
00:55:30
you [ __ ] through the whole thing you go downstairs I don't want to go downstairs
00:55:36
right Purgatory what I think you go to Purgatory [Music] yeah okay I'll tell you why you're going there to jail why because you want to
00:55:46
tell me I'm going there too and you do bad things I know I'm not gonna say anything because I want to edit it out right bad things
00:56:00
are similar many ways right yeah I want to say this my friend right I think God said no I'm gonna say this right we're
00:56:06
both going there so you see you have another thing coming all right I'm sorry Dave my you know him
00:56:12
too right he does some things all right so you want to go there I think shut your mouth it's not a bad thing shut
00:56:19
your [ __ ] mouth I love you man thanks for coming to New York yeah to help us out yeah right but you know I mean I'm
00:56:25
not going downstairs I'm not saying you're going to hell I'm saying Purgatory so I think you have a good heart but like we're in a little bit of
00:56:30
trouble when we die oh so you think that I'm going to be in the middle ground it's gray yeah that's what I'm saying in
00:56:36
purgatory I'm lost I think it's like an empty am I Asian am I still Korean no maybe Korean no you're just skin I want
00:56:44
to be a spirit you're just skin oh I'm just skin yeah if I if I'm in [ __ ] purgatory and there's a mirror and I'm
00:56:50
like I'm [ __ ] still Korean I'm so mad hell yeah for sure because he has ethics you can tell but he won't suck a dick to
00:57:03
get a [ __ ] TV job here's the thing like me and Carlos here's the thing is Dave going to heaven oh yeah for sure Davis well no the Jews don't go to they don't have an afterlife
00:57:14
right they just go to the dirt y I believe there's no afterlife no you just go into the dirt yeah it's like
00:57:21
it's complicated but pretty but that's why but that's that's why it's kind of different Jews are just when we're dying
00:57:27
we're done we're in the dirt Lifestyle the Catholics Catholics think they're wrong then that they're gonna be up
00:57:33
there anyway or like in purgatory or whatever again what you're doing here on Earth will say if you don't go to
00:57:38
confession but it's also there's also BS because it's like Al Capone according to Catholics when is in heaven right now
00:57:45
because he was absolved of his sins by a priest on his deathbed yes I can see that I can see now it's like you go so
00:57:51
that's right it doesn't make any sense to me but I think no I believe that you know when like because I heard Jeffrey
00:57:56
Dahmer right before these glasses yeah that's great um did he die he got beaten to death you
00:58:01
know what I mean in prison he turned his life over to Jesus Christ he might and now he's in heaven supposedly but
00:58:07
imagine being yeah well the rules based on the rules I think you still go to Purgatory if you get last rights did Christians believe if you turn your will and your life over
00:58:22
the Jesus Christ no matter what time 10 seconds before you die right you go to right to Heaven are you gonna do that right yeah that's exactly what I'm gonna do yeah
00:58:34
Dahmer did it other people did it again did it yeah yeah yeah what do you think you'll die when where oh [ __ ] that's a good one Rikers Island
00:58:44
no he's not going to go to jail yeah I'm not going to jail dude are you on your dude very difficult coming dude
00:58:51
[ __ ] your behavior dude is insane why do you think you need to go to jail oh like I just get caught buying drugs or something yeah yeah you do something Shady
00:59:03
man I can say some stuff man all right so yeah back up dude no you're right you're
00:59:10
Angelic right now you're right what you're acting in Angelic like a good person yeah like you are Angelic but oh
00:59:17
you're saying that I'm do you let me you're pretending I'm a CD guy yeah I am what would you do if when you get to Purgatory it's Carlos but it's mixed he has hair on the top not on the sides
00:59:39
what so it's like a mohawk yeah yeah but it's but he can't grow it out so that's I would laugh so hard everything's what
00:59:45
would I look like then you think you'll be bald because everything's reversed I think yeah if everything's reversed no you would have you would have long hair
00:59:52
coming out and then just just the just the samurai thing on the head oh that'd be really funny right in the middle of
00:59:58
your head that'd be cool dude yeah that'd be really cool yeah yeah yeah yeah but you having the knowledge and
01:00:03
the wherewithal to say that you know that the last 25 years of your life have been great but yeah you've complained makes me believe that you're a lot more
01:00:10
grounded and a lot happier than you've ever been well the truth the truth of the matter is is that I um
01:00:17
you know I we've been really diving into a a and going to a lot of meetings and doing all that kind of stuff and I don't know what it is it's like I've never felt this
01:00:30
um kind of desperation to really do the work when it comes to my sobriety because um I believe I believe it's the key to
01:00:42
um hmm a happier life it was right I started a um my own meeting in La yeah um and I've never done that before out of all the years I've you know I I was so so surprised I I got the place
01:00:56
I we went about the thing the you know the book and the all the chips and all that stuff we rented the place out you
01:01:04
know what I mean and we did all the things people showed up and when I'm in La it's like I can't wait to go to that
01:01:10
meeting you know what I mean and it's just like I don't know it's like I feel like I'm giving back right you know what I mean
01:01:16
and I you know I think that's what life is about and let's be real because we talk about purgatory you know what I
01:01:23
mean about our seedy behaviors but the end of the day I think that life is about helping others yeah is it not I
01:01:31
think getting out of ourselves the things that I think have changed in my mind is yes life is about helping others
01:01:36
pushing you know what you can forward and we're all connect I think all living things are connected like I used to be the guy that'd be like I don't want a
01:01:42
pet pets get this animal away like humans are the number one but now I feel like we're all connected like the Avatar
01:01:48
like the yeah like the spirit of a dog or something like that is connected you know you're we're not that different
01:01:54
from a pig you're right we're just like a couple of a couple of you know numbers different on the DNA yeah what we're
01:02:00
talking about is I think that you know you are just I think that you're in in the best place that I've seen you in a long time even though you're just coming off for 48 hours yeah yeah I felt
01:02:13
spiritually you feel good yeah I feel you know it's funny I uh maybe it's because Angie Santino is on the other side of the world and and that's what it is and that's why
01:02:24
I was asking before how long do you think it'll it'll go because the truth is I am I am looking to start something with uh Andrew Santino
01:02:31
right here I want to take what I see what you guys have is I have a cold hard rule about never ever ever going near
01:02:39
someone's girlfriend that does not apply to podcasts I'm going to steal and take what you have like the Japanese took Nan
01:02:45
King I'm gonna take it right and then yeah take it from your heart and I'll take
01:02:51
your entire team as well including Dave King I'll be honest with you dude go for it
01:02:56
I think we should end it wow I think we should end it right now you just spoke truth
01:03:03
yeah we do have a tour that we have to do right and a big one a big tour so we're gonna finish the tour yeah saving
01:03:09
our money right and then you know we'll address it afterwards I guess that's what it is I mean um or never address it
01:03:14
like I did right um let me ask you something man you could do that pretty easy huh just cut people out like that oh yeah
01:03:25
Cutthroat yeah yeah you've done that before yep yeah yeah how's that feeling your soul don't feel anything
01:03:34
I don't feel it now you do no of course you're a good dude no yeah you ever want
01:03:40
to hurt people yeah yeah but yeah no but uh it's one of those things where if this podcast ever ended I would start a
01:03:45
podcast with Santino immediately you uh but the the honest truth though is you would start one with him and not me no
01:03:51
I'd start one with the both of you you would do it three ways I do what Sal did I would start one with JoJo Rosa and
01:03:57
me at the same time oh wow yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I hate pranks pranks suck don't you hate pranks I don't like a prank at all I'm being real no because I if because it's pranks to
01:04:11
me are sucker punches we're doing real comedy here do it to my face let's do it give me your material I saw one the
01:04:18
other day right on Tick Tock right this Mexican kid or whatever he takes one of those didgeridoo or something right he
01:04:24
has a thing that makes a noise right and he's at a Home Depot and there's this manly man you know I mean picking out
01:04:30
his Hammers and this kid comes up behind him and blows this thing in this man's ear
01:04:35
scares the [ __ ] out of this man right the man turns around tackles them and this kid's going please don't please
01:04:42
don't I'm sorry it's just a prank it's just a prank right and in my head I'm like smash him smash his skull into the
01:04:48
ground yeah he deserves it yeah right I I hate him yeah I never liked him when I'm watching them do you like him no you deserve to get you know whatever's coming to you like the Brazilian ones are good though there was a they're
01:05:00
scary The Crazy Ones they do in Brazil what do they do oh they [ __ ] people walk walk into an elevator right and the
01:05:08
elevator stops and there'll be a flick of the light the light will go out and a little demonic girl would crawl through a little opening and then the lights will come out and they'll be a demonic
01:05:19
girl there and people will have these PTSD traumatic functions and it's Brazilian pranks yeah yeah well if you
01:05:25
take it to that level where people need to do EMDR and then therapy yeah then that's pretty good yeah that's worth it
01:05:32
right but like the American pranks though I don't like black yeah like a like a like a tick tock or a YouTube thing it's stupid to me I don't need that no I I'd listen guys I know you're
01:05:43
trying to make a living right and make your living I know there's entertainment is entertainment and there
01:05:50
are a lot of people that do like it by the way I was just you know go ahead I'm sorry um I love you I love you too I've
01:05:55
known you for a long time and you've always been supportive of me well I could I I mean we've said this before the reason why I like you so much is
01:06:01
because you know I met you when my career was legitimately not going well right you know I mean I was like
01:06:09
you know just reaching for straws really you know I mean I was desperate right and I was in New York and I was on Obi
01:06:16
when I think Anthony was gone Anthony was gone and you were there yeah you know what I mean and I had never met you before I never even knew you yeah and I
01:06:23
remember doing the podcast with you or the radio show yeah this radio show yeah oh this guy's good you know what I mean
01:06:29
yeah and then we had breakfast afterwards with with Opie and I just remember you being so nice to me and
01:06:34
like um is that the right word yes and we had also like this same kind of humor I guess in terms of quickness or whatever right and I was just like no I really
01:06:46
like this guy and you just stuck in my brain since then I mean as a good dude you know I appreciate it baby
01:06:52
um I think too that's why I was bringing up because you know social media what's helped me a lot getting off it is not
01:06:58
seeing comments and not seeing any of that stuff because I made a decision like a hard decision to say if I don't know who you are like at all if I don't
01:07:05
have if I've never personally met you if I don't know you in any capacity at all I've never been in the same room with you then I won't let your opinion of me
01:07:12
you know sway me one way or another I won't let it if you tell me how great I am I won't let that get in if you tell
01:07:18
me how much I suck I won't let that get in I'll listen to it from friends and people I know so because I because because you get involved in that where
01:07:24
you start to then become the comedian that you don't want to become because you're listening you know somebody will make a comment on a YouTube or an
01:07:30
Instagram and say something you're doing is not funny it's like the same guy that is at the Knicks game saying that the
01:07:36
player on the Knicks sucks it's like no the player on the Knicks even it's at the end of the bench he's the best basketball player you've ever seen in your life just like you know comedians
01:07:43
doing it how we do it whether you think we're funny or not it's like there's not a chance in hell a person making comment
01:07:49
on YouTube could ever even do half of what we're ten times funny them on their best day on our worst day you know like so I've just kind of separated all that and because of all that I do feel like
01:07:59
I've been the comic that I want to be and I appreciate you know when I hear my peers like you say you're doing good
01:08:06
work there's two things I want to say yeah I thought you were doing like Korean Pizza no
01:08:12
okay but I what I want to say is two things okay okay number one this [ __ ] lives in clips right so I used to go if we're I was doing a party with
01:08:24
somebody and it's not killing the whole time right Uncle oh my God don't even put it out eating it right and now I
01:08:30
don't care yeah because they all live in Clips number two right direct messages that I get you know because I'm single right so how do you get girls from drug messages because I
01:08:41
can't look I can't look at it all because 90 50 of it's hatred sure so what I have to do is I have to skim through to find you know what I mean yeah chicks through the thing but quickly right right because if I read
01:08:54
any of it because you could read the first five letter right right if you tap on it you get to read the whole thing but I'll read like you [ __ ] [ __ ] unfunny right and I have to read through
01:09:05
all that so I do it quickly so it's really hard so yeah but I think even that even that when I was single I think
01:09:11
that even you know that you can get trapped in that trying to look for women and find that like who only know you
01:09:16
from this way and if if the whole method of them trying to get with you is through your DM then already it's it's
01:09:22
not what you want already you're like I would keep that at arm's length now yeah
01:09:27
huh how did you meet your wife I met her at a bar I met her at a bar at a comedy
01:09:32
club no no no no she ended up she didn't know I was a comedian but then she found out I'm saying but I've been with her
01:09:38
eight years now you know but I'm saying I've I don't have all the answers but for I I do feel since I've been off
01:09:45
social media my whole life like has improved in a way and I've said because I said to myself if I may not be
01:09:52
commenting back to everyone I realize like I can't give my energy to complete strangers I do it on the stage and on
01:09:58
the podcast this when I get my energy to people I don't know I can't then give the energy to them also on social media
01:10:03
and Facebook and YouTube I don't do that anymore and I feel like Korea has just been going up up like little by little
01:10:10
the way it should be like when you're losing weight you can't lose you're killing it
01:10:16
I mean your name comes up like in in on the west coast and people are can't even
01:10:21
believe I know you I'm the next man alive no dude Dane Cook yes you're the next thing cook dad are you gonna come to Radio City in September will you be in New York doing sex in the
01:10:34
city or what so in September you're doing Radio City September 22nd I'm doing Radio City Music Hall tickets
01:10:39
what I would like to do is just come to support I would need backstage passes sure right yeah I'm not going to go in the audience no that's ridiculous yeah
01:10:51
right I'm gonna be in line like oh I'm gonna here see Krista Stefano yeah right I'm not doing that right I need the pass
01:10:58
right I need an extra pass for some girl that I'm bringing yeah to get clout right and um
01:11:05
fruit bowl what's the biggest venue you ever did don't tease me dude no no because what
01:11:11
do you mean no because Sacramento punchline because because no because you because
01:11:17
when I met you I remember you doing Gotham you had all the shows sold out killing and then but then it changed
01:11:22
like the last few years now I do theaters no I don't why do the comedy clubs every other comic book why don't you do the big theaters do you not want to well we're starting with the [ __ ]
01:11:34
bad friends thing to see how that's gonna go no but you personally like Santa do it what do you mean you don't know how to do it you've been in the game so the comedy you want to do clubs in
01:11:45
Sacramento all right oh for me for me it's this okay I don't know how to do it but you and also yes
01:11:52
you do how you have a powerful agent and you have a fan base right so what I'm gonna do the
01:11:59
two things that everybody just to realize I could do it because I just played a club in San Jose right and uh San Jose Improv
01:12:07
yeah shout out yeah I love them and you know I could have done probably eight soul-out shows or whatever easily and in my head I'm like whoa I could that's what rooms fills you know 600 people
01:12:20
that's like a mini theater right and then if I could have sold that many tickets I could just one night at a
01:12:26
theater could have done the California theater right there in San Jose maybe I don't know 1500 seats or something yeah maybe I could have done that I'll be
01:12:32
there February 25th yeah go but my point is is that you're right I think I can but what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna do
01:12:38
this run with Andrew okay right and then and then the next time I go on tour I'll
01:12:44
do that okay okay because anyway thank you so much for supporting me and coming here and helping me because Andrew is a
01:12:51
Hollywood star now and when I found out that you were the guy that was gonna help me out here today in New York I was
01:12:57
so excited and so relieved because I honestly believe that I love you so much and I love you more than Mark Normand I
01:13:03
love give you more than Andrew Schultz I love you more than um Bobby Kelly and Jim Norton no I love all of them but my point is there's a special part in my heart I appreciate that but thank you so much
01:13:15
thank you for being a bad friend thank you for having me and also just real quick I just want to say um or any all the stuff that was edited out I have
01:13:21
been recording on my end you can go to patreon.com thank you [Music]