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you two are bad welcome to another
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episode of bad friends everybody um yesterday was yesterday was yesterday
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was Father's Day and oh boy I miss my dad and the thing is I wanted to UM
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write at father's a song and I told you I was gonna do that too yeah you promised me and I thought you weren't
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gonna do it I'm being serious and and I forgot about it and then we were sitting here outside waiting for you because you were late I wasn't late I was getting
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you sugar-free Red Bull Moody was I getting sugar-free Red Bull yeah see okay but it was were we here were we
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here before I called them dude you called me it doesn't matter no no you called home right let's do the
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Father's Day what's just angry about always do this to me you trample on me trample trample your travel you traveled
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ramble yes you traveled temple yeah yeah go ahead trampoline so um you know I while we were waiting for you um cuz we
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were early second sugar will you go yeah and I I wrote a song real quick cuz I write a lot of music on my own
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GarageBand so I just came up with it I have an old older like weird song I mean so I'm one of the I wrote a song for my
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dad okay let's hear all right
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daddy why you die happy Father's Day daddy
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[Music]
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daddy I miss you why are you dead daddy
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your bed I'm sorry I took photos of you
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are you are dead and sent it to the Hudsons what was in my head you were
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dead and I whipped out my phone I can't [ __ ] believe I did that [ __ ] I know
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Lord it miss you daddy [Applause] okay very good very good song I missed
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you dad and he died 11 months ago you know and uh wait was it already 11
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months ago oh my god it's terrible and uh rest in peace daddy yeah it's been a terrible terrible 12
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months it's been bad yeah it's been bad we had my dad died in last August and then the pandemic that
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the pandemic came sound like it's fake I'm saying like it's not a hoax yeah it's not real yeah SDL can you
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we'll talk about that later later and then he PL huge easy deal and then
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poured then a massive injustice to once again kill thousands time and then last
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Tuesday something happened that was just as shocking and terrifying to me um I
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have a I want people to know that I don't know what I don't know the news
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that you received Tuesday is the same
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exact new information that we receive we received yeah we didn't we were not
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privy to any of that stuff and did not know and we found out when you found out I think that that kind of behavior is
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abhorrent I resent it and it's not good
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no it's it was a it was it was it was awful and shocking and very quite
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frankly taken us all aback I mean we called each other and you know you sit
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in disbelief cuz you you don't know we don't know this stuff and we're finding this stuff out of the same time people are and people are throwing is throwing
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around questions to everybody but we don't know I haven't we haven't slept and what we know now is were it's really
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it's really it's really disappointing it's really sad and I think all we can say is uh we hope we hope he gets help
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and that's it and that's all we can say I mean I like you know that's always yes
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I yeah but we want to continue to our bad friend show can we do our bad friend
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show we want to do our bad friend show yeah and we started with a dead dad song which i think is good mm-hmm I have two
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dads i brag to you very very heavily about that but when you say that no first because you've been saying that
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all I had one dad you I know your mom looks like a man but is that what you're
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saying that my mom looks like a man I have two dads my mom is very pretty I put I put pictures of her online she's a very pretty woman I've seen your mom
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yeah I've seen he's beautiful no she's not your little BTS troll I've seen her really you want to see my mom
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no yeah I'm gonna show you my mom yeah I want to see your mom all right here's my dad holding me by the way when
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I was a baby that's my home me as a baby
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look at your dad's head your dad's head is huge it makes sense why your [ __ ] melon is so big your dad's head is
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massive look at how big his dad's melon is he I can't help it I'm Korean do all
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Koreans a big head we're generally a big headed I don't know that's huge that looks like a [ __ ] baby your baby that
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looks like my head as in a daughter this is my mother that's my mother [ __ ]
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funny she cross-eyed yeah she is cross-eyed hey [ __ ] you and that's my
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mom and we made fun of my parents you're the one that said I have two dads I don't know what to [ __ ] assume I do
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have two double I have two technically have two dads yeah so you're my mom remarried my mom oh she did my mom is a
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strong independent that what happened oh gee dad he's surrounded you know he
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didn't the abandon of the family did he abandon you yeah resentment no he went away to prison is that the one that you were
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just talking to earlier no that was my stepdad it was a real to get your well dad no that is my real
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that your real that's not biological blood dad my biological father went away to prison did he really yeah a few times
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why see now now everything comes so clear to me it comes to a point and I
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can figure things out because think of myself good I mean where does his leg know he went he had my parents
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got divorced when her age though your age my original my original bad
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my parents got divorced when I was young my mom is a strong badass independent
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hardcore Vic woman beautiful woman yes who is a [ __ ] gangster who raised me by herself right like a g-great started
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at the bottom I know I love your mom she's a gangster she's a [ __ ] badass woman okay respect my mother all right
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what happened to you original dad he unfortunately he's a drug addict and he got he got caught up in the drug scene
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and went away but I mean he's been sober and healthy for a long time and so did he have a disease start a new family I
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used to joke my my dad has more kids than my black friends have shoes [ __ ] so
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you have other you have step brothers and sisters those are half those are have that means half you have half ones yeah those are half
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and you see you ever mentioned that they don't we consider the wheel no no I I don't know most of my dad's side of the
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lot of them like we'd like we just went separate ways in life oh so you don't
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know you have half-brothers and sisters on your half so yeah thank you that you've never met or talked to I have one
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I have one that's like third that's like a couple years younger than me mmm how
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old you well I'm 36 and she must be 33 uh-huh after my mom split for my dad is that
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incest a few point cuz you don't wouldn't raised together I mean if I do like Latino chicks and come on no but I
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know I've never met her I don't even know who she is but she's a couple years younger than me and I don't know who she is and does she have the less same last
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night as you were sent to you no no because I don't think her my father and her mother never got married they just had a child together they never got
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married so she has the last name of her mother my dad didn't remarry do you have
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the last name of your og dad yeah Santino was my my birth name a birth name and as your sister the one that you
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know my my sister the real sister well she's no I'm a lonely child she's my half she's from my
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stepdad my mom Wow but my but my the one I'm referring to the one that's like 33 who I don't
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know I've never met before is a grown woman who my dad had a couple years after my parent my mom and him split why
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don't you guys get together I don't know maybe she doesn't [ __ ] want to get together have you tried no do you know
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her name and all that what I gotta say it but you don't know I don't I don't know I don't know her name you don't even [ __ ] know her name dude it was a
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story that I didn't learn until literally a couple years ago I was told this story later in life of like hey you
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have a sister and you have no relationship with og with her know what
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the original dad oh yes I do yes I do yes I do yes have you never said hey dad do we have any half-brothers and sisters
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no that's why I'm saying he told me later in life okay yeah but but also I
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was like oh my god I have a 34 year or whatever 33 year old it's crazy to think
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someone is almost your age that you've never met in 30 years 30 some odd years that is strange right you've met you
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don't even know it's blood blood is there yeah you don't even know it like you're like like all of us have some kind of family member that we've never
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met before mmm like I know some people have family members that I've heard this from there was a comic I don't to mention his name
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this was crazy though he learned his father had up had another family was
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like not married but was like raising another entire another family with a woman who had kids from another family
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and they raised a kids together they had and it didn't exist until he was in his
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late 20s oh my I'll tell you all pharaoh it was it dude it it put him in a spiral it's spiraling that he's like wait a
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minute I have you have I have sisters and brothers with someone I've never even met yeah 20-some odd years it's
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funny because when you find out things about people like that like the never before no you see even dark [ __ ] huh
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like you know I worked with this girl once on a show what show I can't tell
00:10:56
you because I don't want people to narrow down and go it's this person sure so I worked up with this person on the show and this person like whenever I do
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seams with her like they would say caught and I go that was good and she was just kind of look at me like this
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did you like it and then I go what'd you do this weekend nothing you know I mean
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that guy you go to craft service right she's lunchtime she's eating the spoons no she's sitting by herself you know you
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know like I'm the popular kid at school you with my letterman jacket movies yeah
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all the good-looking kids are nerds and you're the popular kid and you walk around you're like Bobby's here yeah
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yeah I like to hang out with the stoners or whatever right and the weird nerds so I go I would sit next door and go wow
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[ __ ] you know I mean chicken again or some she may just eat chicken which well no I will you know sometimes craft
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service they just have one piece of the kind of oh yeah yes it come again oh so I go chicken again and she just be like
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yeah chicken I think she would just eat it right I can't get like work on a show
00:12:09
together Yeah right dude you were you were acting in scenes together and oh yeah yeah one time wait wait finish this
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though she what she was eating alone yeah she was eat a lot long and I would go and she would just give me cross eyes
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like yeah chicken and just eat never ask about me but you'd sit there in silence
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in your city manila netherlands and just go what else can I say you don't mean to get it going yeah I mean wow the new [ __ ] Radiohead album
00:12:37
don't get hit in rainbows I don't get it she's like what's a Radiohead what's a
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rainbow do you mean your car yeah so what and then one time in the scene I
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had to pull her hair what yeah in a scene I had to pull her hair yeah sexy no was a sexy was a
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violence and like you were fighting her yeah holy [ __ ] and had to pull her hair right huh and um she had wig on I didn't
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know that uh-huh right so I pulled the wig and her thing her the bobby pins
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were going to her scalp and was pulling it and then blood was coming down to her in her face because maybe I was trying
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to get a response under how did you not know no no they talked to me like that and blood was coming down her
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face she went crazy on me and yeah dude you're causing her to [ __ ] her skull
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yeah with Bobby that one day I went to you know another friend that's on the
00:13:35
show and she goes in college she was in
00:13:44
college and she found out that she got a call that her dad killed her mom and then he killed himself
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oh my god that ever since then you know I'd see her eating by herself I would
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just sit with the other people daddy I
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love your work with crazy people not
00:14:05
quite well yes yes yeah crazy is in like they're mean they're very very mean yeah
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and I don't I don't you know look I've thought of this out of this I've worked with people and I've talked about it
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before I've worked with people on shows where they they're acting and their
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process tends to be very heavy and it drains the room and it makes you feel
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kind of uncomfortable that you're like I might just I'll tell you the number one person are you gonna be okay I'll say
00:14:33
the name I'll go [ __ ] okay Brooke Shields really Brooke Shields is I set
00:14:45
it is what mean is an avid [ __ ] a hater Bing Bing Bing I [ __ ] hate her wait why [ __ ] a
00:14:52
door did what she did it need yeah what
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did she do so um and I went I'm expose all kinds of people right now because
00:15:05
this this story I have always like kind of held in my heart yeah but [ __ ] it I'm gonna [ __ ] what did she
00:15:12
do I'll tell you what she did I'll tell you what they did so I'm on MADtv right
00:15:18
yeah and so I get a call from Fox television because hey we want you on
00:15:25
this other show what was he on the show it was called new car smell
00:15:32
well I've got a shitty idea right it's got that new color smell what so let me guess it's a sitcom about car salesman
00:15:38
yes yeah okay it's called new car smell bad pitch and Brooke Shields is the star
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okay and so then I get a call going you
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know us as a network we want you on the show mm-hmm but the show runners don't want
00:15:55
you on the show why because they want Geddy Watanabe oh you knew what that is
00:16:02
yes he does he was a long Duk dong from sixteen Candles yeah yes so that I just
00:16:08
caught you see alive yeah goodies in life okay and I go um I was kid I was about 28 years old yeah so
00:16:15
I go yeah I don't want to do it then and
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they're like it's a lot of money it's a great to network primetime you're on a late-night Saturday show that no one
00:16:25
watches yeah I mean yeah you got it come on we want you yeah so I go who
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else is in it and they go a couple of names gave a tell huge right and then it
00:16:36
was um you know who else had a couple a estar was Jimmy Schumer I love Jimmy shoes I love Jimmy so I go
00:16:44
yeah I'll do it then but then so it's the Cullen brothers are the showrunners the Cullen bro
00:16:50
yeah so Rob Colin Rob Colin used to hang out with dice huh
00:16:55
and dice me and Rob Colin went to Vegas one time when I was a kid I was 25 and
00:17:04
and and dice lost hundreds of thousand dollars dude I've heard he loves gambling yeah so dice took me be used to
00:17:11
call me Ching so I was okay Ching yeah so I was working the back door yeah and
00:17:18
he goes hey Ching you know me and Rob Cullen are gonna go to Vegas get in the
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[ __ ] car I'm working the back door they want to drive your Vegas no no I'm wearing a
00:17:31
Comedy Store t-shirt and I have no money and I go what I'm working no eye doctor
00:17:37
the manager so I literally no money
00:17:43
mm-hmm no clothes right just got in a car with them and drove to LAX to go to Vegas yes
00:17:50
what yeah you dicen Cullen me dicen this guy Rob : okay so we go to Vegas and we're sitting
00:17:57
at the blackjack the high-end ones and in dice would [ __ ] throw down $10,000 I hands $10,000 hands yeah he was making
00:18:06
that kind of money he was a multi multi-millionaire I know what $10,000 hands yeah it was crazy dang you crazy and I'm sitting there
00:18:11
going and he would lose fifty thousand you know mean twenty minutes and not
00:18:17
care and not care and I would just be like sweating cuz he brought me because he he thought I was a good luck charm
00:18:22
right Chang will bring us watching he lost a lot of money yeah battle and he goes you're not good
00:18:29
luck the next day right so I had that experience with Rob :
00:18:34
but he liked you yeah we're friends okay so then um now I'm on a show with his
00:18:39
brother at him our show running and they didn't want me they want to get him on Nobby mm-hm and so I had like two pages of
00:18:47
like dialogue in it and and David Schwimmer was the director from France oh really yeah directed it Ashwin dog so
00:18:55
every day would show up swimmer would walk up to me and go amen
00:19:01
they cut a page it's your page yeah and I go okay so yeah it's just this big
00:19:07
chunk in the front so you know you're either introducing you mean you're introducing yourself yeah but it'll be
00:19:13
great when the show gets picked up you know I mean they'll give you more lines so okay the next day chunks gone chunk
00:19:21
is gone what do you mean yeah just gone you have a line you have a line now and I go what
00:19:29
does that mean listen you know I'm my friends I was on friends I know how
00:19:35
these work these things work you're fine yeah you just want to test okay yeah in
00:19:41
my head I'm like you're fine I was on friends yeah what is that even the
00:19:46
experience you have the experience you get I mean yeah you're gonna be fine yeah next day lying lying lines gone
00:19:52
the lines gone I go what do i do then you walk in you walk in
00:19:58
you don't even say hi no you sound like me and disaster artist right so but then
00:20:05
but so I'm on it for like a week and a half or two weeks a lot you know so you're rehearsing every day oh god every
00:20:11
day gets worse and worse and now boils are forming on my head what do you mean stress boils yeah g-got
00:20:18
gigantic boils are stress on my head yeah and I was smoking like 15s packs of cigarettes as you thought you were gonna
00:20:24
get canned from the show I don't know what was going on I had never been in this situation before right it was so uncomfortable but then like I would I
00:20:31
thought you know Brooke Shields is the star so I I remember walking will right
00:20:37
up to her one morning and she's that like craft service I look her right in the eyes like a good morning and she
00:20:44
just kind of looks at me and walks away that's why you hate Brooke Shields yeah
00:20:49
Bob that's such a stretch no you said
00:20:56
good morning and she just walked would she talk to me all what if she didn't see here you know no it's not or see you
00:21:01
she's taller than you isn't seen that I'm walking in probably five ten see I'm walking in and out of yeah I'm obviously
00:21:07
there on set rehearsing right how tall is Brooke Shields Rudy will you looked at a hotel right I'm obviously right
00:21:13
yeah and she won't even lock eyes with me I don't you think I [ __ ] know when somebody doesn't like me
00:21:19
it's not that what is that what if she didn't know it it's this she knew I was mom my way out so she didn't need till
00:21:26
she wrote you off yes she didn't need to make that connection right okay but but
00:21:31
he but here's the answer yeah T to everyone's question mm-hmm I'm still here you still pop is still here I'm
00:21:38
still here I'm still right and it's like I think I deserve a little bit of an amends from
00:21:44
the Cullen brothers I don't think she did that on purpose how tall is she six she's six feet six five she's six
00:21:51
feet tall let's just say she was in heels that day no one six two weeks come
00:21:56
on man but you're so low to the earth how do you know all right she could see right over you and she
00:22:01
hears us own voice no one said hide at Peter Dinklage on [ __ ] Game of Thrones did you not hear that story the first day he showed up
00:22:07
they didn't even know he was there he acted a whole day that's so fun don't
00:22:15
say [ __ ] broke Brooke Shields because of that that's such a small that's not even a real no because she didn't say like
00:22:21
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point point point what happens if your pee-pee getting a heart okay well it's delicious it works very
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well it's easy to do you can take it on a full or I tried it again five days ago it really [ __ ] work Bobby just came
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over ate three of them and just stood in my living room for an hour and a half it's uh it works very well guys if
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00:24:33
give you one okay go ahead not [ __ ] these people but here's how I felt like a real [ __ ] okay go okay I get a phone
00:24:41
call that they're like they're doing a read of Funny or Die and they need you to read for this movie it's called house something Will Ferrell and it's the
00:24:47
gambling the game you know they had a father gambling move a casino moving it up with Amy Poehler exactly yeah I get
00:24:53
amped they're like they love you they don't even need that you're they're just gonna have this role for you as this like um dude that comes in pretends to
00:25:00
be a cop but he's really just like a [ __ ] looking a steel steel supper I go to Funny or Die dude I'm so good in
00:25:08
a room that I'm when I have confidence that I'm like I'm gonna be fine you know what I mean like I never go in shook I'm
00:25:13
never like nervous I'm always like I'm gonna be fine what the [ __ ] dude who cares I've done a million table reads I
00:25:19
get in there you did table read not an audition no no we were reading for the narrative we're giving me the part also
00:25:24
uh you're not a table read yeah because they said they didn't have time to cast they had to shoot the movie so they were like we're just gonna give they're like
00:25:31
we have a role for you you can have it you have to come to the read though and you have to read mine they go you have to read the role and you have to read two other roles oh don't you hit when
00:25:37
they do that but I don't want it yeah I don't know how to do the other one I don't know you show up you show up you you worked on the lines that you're
00:25:43
playing I know these role any when you show up you see in the front page cop you know mean passenger number one ale man and
00:25:50
yeah and then you go I'm having to read these and then you have to do different voice and first take you've never done
00:25:55
it before you've never done before and there's someone in the production assistant comes up to you and goes we've highlighted a couple of their characters yeah and you're like oh my god I don't
00:26:02
know so I'm like this if I'm thumbing through them trying to find where the characters are because by the way if you mess up the rhythm of the room you look
00:26:08
like an [ __ ] huh right so here I am I'm going Will Ferrell's right there Ami's across the table Crowell is there
00:26:15
Nick Kroll yeah Nick's like the only guy that I like right no no in the room right right and Nick's like what's up
00:26:20
man I'm like hey what's up this oh that made me feel comfortable yeah yeah okay I get great guy by the way I love Nick I get to my line that I know and I [ __ ] it
00:26:30
up and I [ __ ] it up so bad why because because they've got nervous yes I know
00:26:37
you get into because Will Ferrel looked over at me when I was going to read my life as if to say like oh this I don't
00:26:45
know this guy let's see if he's funny dude I ate such a mess a massive thick
00:26:51
veiny penis you blush not can you get more red than this oh my god yeah no I
00:26:56
was so embarrassed dude I literally de let's just say the line and it was quick it was there they got to be outside
00:27:02
behind they have to be outside because I just climbed through the roof it was something like that like people were on
00:27:07
the road tell me how you said it theft outside if there's a roof hey
00:27:14
everybody just kept going like it didn't happen because today we're like Jesus
00:27:20
[ __ ] Christ they just kept reading yeah and nobody looked up nobody looked
00:27:25
up at me no one looked up with me to be like it's okay you [ __ ] up no they kept going what do you think I did for the
00:27:31
other lines I [ __ ] up every [ __ ] line yeah yeah I'm swear to god I'm not
00:27:38
exaggerating every [ __ ] lie hey here's the thing for me you're an especially for the yet I'm reading it I
00:27:44
can't really read it you can't read I get so tight in there you get so
00:27:49
nervous so nervous the lines become blurred let me do this on the way out wait on the way out yeah this is the
00:27:55
face that you're me yeah I'm Will Ferrell yeah ready yeah so say say everyone good bye everyone says goodbye and you're me and you say and you say
00:28:01
thanks a lot just say thanks a lot to me and your welfare yeah go ahead ray hey thanks a lot that's what he did he
00:28:08
breathed in and looked away and by the way every right will is right will was
00:28:13
right he breathed in and looked away as if to say yeah you should kill yourself you're not yeah it's on the 8th floor
00:28:20
jump out jump out of the window what are you still alive what do you think happened the next day you got the part
00:28:25
blah blah blah hello hey what's up man it's your agent hey hey it's your agent hey what's up
00:28:32
yeah I think they're gonna slice up some stuff and move some stuff around so we
00:28:40
got you some stuff later this week some auditions I was like oh they're the role they were gonna cut it
00:28:45
he's like yeah they're gonna cut it they cut the whole role but you know what I thought for a second
00:28:50
I thought they're just gonna give it to somebody else I'm like I lost that I [ __ ] it up they did cut the role but
00:28:56
that being said but you know why they cut the role because I thought this porch is shot by Orion yeah and by the
00:29:04
way it wasn't an actor can't even [ __ ] do it wasn't the writing yeah it was every inch of me it was me
00:29:09
I literally call on the way home I'm like ready to throw up in my car and I'm
00:29:14
like oh they're never gonna work with me like these people are gonna be like that guy sucks you know what I mean and guess
00:29:20
what never worked with any of this before they think I said I was like they
00:29:25
think I [ __ ] suck because I 5/8 a boulder in the room oh my god yeah
00:29:30
sitting right across from me oh yeah I've been there she was sitting right across your Will Ferrel that's Amy Nick
00:29:36
is over there Nick said goodbye cos Nick is a good dude and Nick knows me and he was like later man take it easy like he was very nice
00:29:41
but I'm sure he on the way home was like the war [ __ ] was it I was pulling up together mm-hmm so this is you know the
00:29:49
actors on one side right yeah but for some reason they had the executives just
00:29:54
literally on the other side of a table like this right like two feet long right
00:29:59
do you feel all right Bobby do you sit down and like this but so you know you have legal name card right yes my car
00:30:06
goes Bobby Lee Arthur who I play we remembered and there was a name card here Peter Roth president of Warner
00:30:14
Brothers Peter Roth was sitting across from ya he come in like this I could see
00:30:20
his fingernails right here right hands like this right with them Bobby how was
00:30:30
your weekend like even speaking yeah yeah and then
00:30:37
one time it all they were left at me he came in for a hug and I would like this
00:30:44
right you blonde blonde okay what did it do like a hand thing this like right but
00:30:50
he came like this so I went right to the center of his sternum and he goes oh
00:30:56
like that you made that noise and then later we had dinner and all the rows laughing that I did that
00:31:02
like making fun yeah so it's like all the little tiny things they matters if
00:31:08
they matter yeah because we look like anyway you don't mean it do the right
00:31:18
thing you want to be funny yeah can I tell you that you know who you know who showed up people more than I've ever seen in my life he's a cool
00:31:24
dude this is not me talking [ __ ] but Bill Bellamy I did a pilot with Bill Bell oh yeah so a friend of mine wrote a
00:31:29
pilot for Bill about his real life which is his mom got a divorce and then later in life yeah started dating ex NFL
00:31:36
players and so all of his stepdads were like these big jacked extent of fellow players yeah and Bill Bellamy was
00:31:41
supposed to play they get my friend that wrote it so Bill Bellamy on the first day were I dude I sit down at this table
00:31:49
and this is not on me yeah I'm making him laugh because I'm mocking his two
00:31:56
friends I'm supposed to be it supposed to be three black dudes in this white nerd from the neighborhood yeah who's like the dork that they just like to
00:32:01
play cards because they feel bad for me yeah so I was doing this character where they would say something I'd be like I
00:32:07
hear that bro holler you know and Bill was loving it yeah and dude in between scenes he
00:32:14
literally is like drew drew drew drew and I'm like yeah yeah and he's like he said will you grab me a coffee will you
00:32:19
getting a coffee and I was like yeah I'm gonna go get something he's like yeah yeah will you get me one too he knows like you ever said go get a coffee and
00:32:25
on the way back he's like berating them it went up behind like behind my back to his mind
00:32:30
but like in a positive me way like he was like man y'all better step the [ __ ] up y'all are regulars on this show and this
00:32:37
[ __ ] funnier than both of y'all mother [ __ ] you wanna lose your job you will lose your [ __ ] job dude it
00:32:42
was and I he doesn't know I see him you right and he's like yeah y'all ain't funny that [ __ ] that you said but actually wasn't funny at all
00:32:48
[ __ ] would you say that he was writing stammer well cuz they're friends he was his friend because dude he was
00:32:54
checking him yeah and he started laughing he wasn't being like as mean as I'm making it he was just being like y'all a garbage hey hey don't take your
00:33:02
ro bro you want tried you say some Dom [ __ ] then when I sit back down he's like thank you bro
00:33:07
these two guys [ __ ] hey I mean now they're like they hate you [ __ ] this
00:33:12
dude yeah because I was funny like I wish all I was doing was in [ __ ] lines and I was a plain old
00:33:19
saying never outshine your master Oh bro well bro I didn't bill was bill was it's
00:33:24
his scene it's his show but these two guys I'm just trying to have fun with them but that's what that's why he did
00:33:30
that I know because you out shined at him I know it was bad cha cha cha yeah we tuned it down
00:33:37
big-time we've tuned it down like I just took it back yeah and then they would take heavy shots slink Johnson do you
00:33:43
know who that is who playing lovely yeah he was great guy he was he was in that he wasn't in that scene with us oh yeah slink started just [ __ ] on me I mean
00:33:51
it was funny yeah but he was sick of it he was like you ain't gonna be funnier than me so slink with the whole time and
00:33:56
we started I we've got what it was this it was a pilot for CBS it was four years
00:34:02
ago for you know five years ago yeah how many pilots have you done I don't know
00:34:07
six maybe seven I have no idea - I mean I do the worst pilot of all time I did How I Met Your father their spin-off -
00:34:12
How I Met Your Mother I've talked about that oh I did problem child Tim oh do
00:34:17
you hear what I said though yeah the most success one of the most successful sitcoms of all time How I Met Your
00:34:23
Mother yeah I did How I Met Your father would have been great Oh oh it was so bad the
00:34:31
network don't don't they don't let people see it I had to sign an NDA when
00:34:38
I went and watched it at the network that I wouldn't talk about scenes characters anything nothing it was that
00:34:44
bad who else was in it well Greta Gerwig it was it was gonna be the start oh wow
00:34:49
and she wrote it she co-wrote it with Emily Spivey who's a great writer I've talked before the story maybe no no that way that was public knowledge
00:34:55
yeah but they did a good job no they did do a good job what I'm saying is there was no it did we didn't work it didn't
00:35:00
work it's it's like I me Andrew Tarver were boyfriends and that was the other thing man they wouldn't let us kiss they
00:35:08
didn't want us to kiss and drew was like well you know because we went in to like do a kiss one time like I'm just gonna
00:35:14
kiss me on my cheek yeah and the network was like I just think the kissing is a
00:35:19
little much yeah you know they didn't want us to show affection so how do I this is my boy
00:35:25
this is my boyfriend otherwise it just looks like two guys have you ever worked with anybody that
00:35:31
was so good that you're like I think I'm gonna quit my whole career almost everybody I've worked yeah more
00:35:38
so any movie that shows Sean saves the world oh I love I did that show I played
00:35:43
his boyfriend we had a kissing scene when you brought that up yeah you thought about Sean what's his day Sean um he's on Will and
00:35:49
Grace Hayes Sean Hayes yeah do you know I didn't know much about him I used to live in his apartment but really that
00:35:55
was the first thing the landlord said and when I watched him do it like rehearsal yeah I literally went oh I'm
00:36:01
in the wrong business yeah this guy is so good so you're a pro and I'm a ho yeah because what people
00:36:09
don't realize is that you know ice did I signed up with a bunch of homeless people to be honest and crazy Street
00:36:16
people yeah to do amateur night at comedy clubs it's same that sound I've never done caught you know you what and you first start off you're with a guy a
00:36:23
guy in a green suit Yeah right like was that guys that Robert William APRA via
00:36:29
you know him mm-hmm so a homeless man crazy person who's going to the same audition you are
00:36:35
right right and then you're like or some like other homeless person and then you're like for years that's your school
00:36:42
right you're yeah right you're you're performing with mentally disabled people on people with problems yes and then all
00:36:49
of a sudden one day you get an opening job you know me for somebody or you start featuring and you go oh it's a
00:36:56
little bitter but that's pretty much that you're training and then you end up like with then you're on a show with a
00:37:03
provider but with that I could sing and dance and tap dance and you're like I could fart into a mine would it not make
00:37:09
the mic smelly well that's my talent or whatever you know so Sean was oh my god
00:37:15
he's so good he's like shocking to watch yeah it memorizes lines during rehearsals he knows it I'm gonna
00:37:21
mispronounce his name so I don't want to say it but oba oba that's it [ __ ] you got a no hobo
00:37:29
no but the best actor I I think I've ever worked with was on I'm dying up
00:37:35
here and I don't I don't want to say mispronounce his last name so I don't want to sound like an idiot obba Babatunde Babatunde do you know him
00:37:43
obba Babatunde dude this guy let me look hobo Papa Tunde okay that guy's I've
00:37:50
seen him before he's great I mean his face is like don't leave don't [ __ ] around [ __ ] around he's so good he was so [ __ ] good at
00:37:57
playing this like smooth slick club owner that there were times when we were done with the scene his name was Barton
00:38:04
Royce or whatever on the show yeah that I thought it was up club owner Barton I like in my mind I was I go that's barn
00:38:10
row because he would walk up and he would still kind of be in this vibe yeah and he'd be getting coffees like what's going on kid I feel like I was in a [ __ ]
00:38:18
like mood with that yeah he was one of those guys where you watch him and you go oh he's just he just is better than
00:38:25
every bed and everybody yeah and he knows it there's no way they don't know it those guys in [ __ ] Mel love those
00:38:31
evergreen those evergreen working actors oh you've been around since the 70s yes
00:38:37
sometimes you're on a Sat right yeah with the guys you just grew up you know watching it just like Rick Overton was
00:38:44
on our show right love is not he's a [ __ ] legend guys like that where
00:38:49
you're like oh you've been good your whole life yeah and you just kind of go what am i doing did you guys say yes to
00:38:55
me yeah it's crazy speaking of people that are good their whole life let's talk about the dl thing
00:39:01
DL Hughley collapsed on stage a great come up by the way a great comic who I've always thought was listen kind of
00:39:09
in a class of his own Juan Pablo we want Pablo passed out on stage that was from drugs I understand that but but he fell
00:39:16
because of dried hook I understand that but maybe both fall yeah but deal was saying doesn't matter they're they both
00:39:22
fell okay same story I'm just saying when you see a fall yeah when you watch it happen yeah because they always
00:39:27
happen in clubs that I play that's funny that's so true right so you but you know
00:39:34
exactly what that room is yeah right so where was publish fall sack Sacramento
00:39:40
punch oh yeah late sack thousands of times right yeah go oh my god I remember that little [ __ ] you know
00:39:46
that table that table where he always screw the track Moustakas Colin yarded where did DL fall yeah and I played that
00:39:53
room as well Cantus it's insane so he's on stage and he's sitting down is that what it was
00:40:01
yeah I think he's sitting there okay so already in your head cuz I've never seen deal sit before that could have been a
00:40:07
clue because you see how fast his managers people gotten to save him well I mean because they knew that he was
00:40:14
sitting there so he must have been like a mad dad I don't feel good I feel good I've had that before I don't feel good
00:40:20
in the middle of stage so he is sitting there and so people were like kind of attentive I'm trying to find it go head and then he falls over and you hear the
00:40:30
gasp yeah and you probably have some you know mean audience members going do I
00:40:37
get my money back yeah you saw a couple of those yeah well that's the first thing they want to think of yeah is
00:40:44
there any way that I could get paid for the pay get paid and return for this because I didn't want to see him fall yeah the opening act was very funny
00:40:50
though yeah have you ever passed out on stage no never never here's the video
00:40:55
hold on one second I've been choked out on stage golf critique I'm a big golfer
00:41:02
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code bad friends that video is so creepy
00:42:29
it's so ominous yeah right to watch him look at his buddy is waiting for him because he can tell he's wobbly oh my
00:42:42
god it'd be funny if he regains consciousness it stands back up and go
00:42:47
[Music] most passed out I almost passed out on
00:42:53
stage when I first auditioned for a Last Comic Standing really yeah my feet tingle I'll audition
00:42:59
for that who's always brandy with my second year doing comedy Hall I drove I drove to San Francisco with my friend with my buddy and we drove and we
00:43:07
we waited we waited out loud we camp you know can I tell you something yeah that was one of those moments in comedy where
00:43:12
like you're like [ __ ] man it sucked but I'll never forget those moments we slept outside together we told stories all
00:43:18
night everyone was coming up and down people we never met before we're like where'd you guys come from would you come from to audition oh my god it was
00:43:24
kind of it was like one of those things I mean it aah were you and also I remember those early things you know for
00:43:30
me yeah I would get really worked up for us oh my was so nerve-racking all night
00:43:36
long you thinking about what I was gonna say yeah yeah so what out did you get it yeah I got it I won the show I'm dad fan
00:43:43
I'm dad for the first season I'm dad fan I did a show called Friday night videos and I was in San Diego I was an open mic
00:43:51
her hmm and I got it because my manager hooked it up for me I had this really i hack there's older
00:43:58
black guy named worthy Patterson what a name it's a worthy but I see him in my head right now yeah big heavy big heavy
00:44:06
second guy No skinny okay let me take it back on it skinny guy yeah your hats and it's so
00:44:11
funny because I remember were the reason why I left worthy they used to call them worthless worthless pass yeah yeah these
00:44:17
two got worthless because he got no gigs from he's a great manager and he really he you know I was such a so green sure
00:44:25
that I just blessed the guy I love him yeah because they those guys took a shot on you before you was a great guy I
00:44:30
still run into him today oh really works for a big management company has a bunch of clients he's great I thought for sure no he's at the
00:44:38
Panda Express on Sunset now he's a great guy he just scoops big scoops so but um worthy to got me this gig right so I
00:44:47
drove from San Diego early cuz I had to be there at like 2:00 I left San Diego
00:44:54
at 4:00 in the morning and I drove to Burbank and I sat in my I had this
00:45:00
chunky [ __ ] truck yeah and I remember there was a little Park in Burbank there but right by what the Tonight Show was
00:45:07
oh yeah yeah and I just pacing my act all night long
00:45:13
yeah till like 4:00 in the six in the morning til to damn died no food money
00:45:19
or anything no of course that's Darvin yeah and just doing my activity smoking food doing my act you know they mean get
00:45:25
the ninja they need to cross the road and you know I mean and all these bits you know masturbate alone you know these
00:45:31
bits you don't have your own ass when you masturbate that's why I'm lonely or whatever give me all these bits that used to do yeah and you still don't you
00:45:37
still do those I've heard all those just a couple years ago I just I've heard all those stop it anyway I uh
00:45:44
some guys show up and I said your dad what about your dad my dad you know you're not funny buddy and I and I
00:45:55
remember um I still loved us being I do that [ __ ] joke anymore I still love
00:46:00
that Jovic face I'm just saying I love it so then I'm I remember backstage and
00:46:05
just ready to go and then going and then hitting the stage and not only didn't
00:46:12
did comedy 60 times oh you were so new yeah 60 or 70 first year into the gig
00:46:19
yeah and I remember the lights coming on there's an audience and just nothing came out just nothing
00:46:28
nothing it means your dad and then I pulled my stomach out yeah and I start doing this weird stomach thing cuz you
00:46:35
know your your survival yeah you just kick in yeah I would go like grab my penis I go like that yes
00:46:43
and then like mm-hmm make noises what the [ __ ] yeah just like anything because I do my jokes where organ like birthday
00:46:52
alright and do whatever and then afterwards worthy cook yeah yeah man
00:46:58
they're not gonna pay you what they're not gonna hear it then they you get paid
00:47:03
no what was it what was that an NBC NBC [ __ ] that's so then arms go get that
00:47:09
money but then was funny isn't I go to worthy like five months later I have no money and I go and he goes yeah man
00:47:21
you're never gonna work they're not gonna you you watch television you don't see no asian guys
00:47:27
on television is that what he said yeah yeah you'll see asian guys are no compare pour your look Zulu right did I
00:47:33
learn no yeah sooo though so then I fired him and I went you know wouldn't a be my
00:47:41
manager now yeah yeah and then she got me an agent and I booked 20 national
00:47:48
commercials in one year wow that's insane
00:47:53
I did I'll pull your Loco I did do one of them one of this is how this is how
00:47:59
[ __ ] this is how hungry I was I would
00:48:05
call my agent and go whatever even if they'd even if it's the polar opposite of me send me in so one of them you goes
00:48:12
for a black guy yeah yeah snow one of them was so they're looking for a Brad Pitt looking guy you log-cabin you're
00:48:20
chopping wood you right and you're wearing a turtleneck it's for Maxwell House how could that not be you you're
00:48:26
right so I go send me in so I show up and it's all these guys that look like
00:48:32
Brad Pitt in turtlenecks real good-looking dudes I'm wearing with this yeah and you're at your belly show my belly showing I'm
00:48:38
wearing this right because I I knew that in those kind of commercial auditions
00:48:44
there's no line here just you're just drinking coffee on the porch and you go chopping wood and just doing that right
00:48:49
so in those commercials you know what do they do is they ask you how your day was they just want to talk to you ready
00:48:56
right so they turn the camera on they go slate your name you go i'm bobby profiles you do the profiles so what
00:49:02
were you in a hole halloween as soon as they ask me you just go into this bit you you have to you make you just make
00:49:07
them laugh right and then that you know get a call alright so it's that down to
00:49:13
you and for other brad pitt's cuz they'll also that you call get called in with everyone in the room right and then
00:49:19
ask me a question they ask you a different question i don't give a [ __ ] i got it right mm-hm
00:49:25
get make them to laugh right make a funny dance right yeah and that's you
00:49:31
know you're on a porch you get it you're on a porch with a turtleneck i did a
00:49:37
massive hawk cuz Roberto yeah drinking the coffee and chopping wood will never chop wood before and they just wanted to be funny I don't know
00:49:42
they just they go you know they go what can it be a fat asian guy yeah why not
00:49:48
Fantasia guys like Gothic would they like wouldn't wanna make a wooden coffee and I would get a lot of those when I
00:49:54
went you know just send me in where all the white dudes are ping said yeah don't give me the ching chong he wants yeah
00:50:00
yeah things I liked yeah anyway I don't know if that's interesting but probably
00:50:05
not yes it is it's not yes it is what are you looking at all your terror Griffin's keep sucks at me what is he what did he say he was just
00:50:13
as oh boy low bar something something he's too much I love
00:50:19
him no we we do well we like him I don't know if we love him but we like call me back okay well you know you know I know
00:50:25
you don't you know I know you don't like talking about Karen's I don't it's just we've talked a lot about Karen's I know
00:50:31
but every week there's a new Karen and there you want to share evolve they're more evolved that they have different fucking's they're changing shape yeah
00:50:38
what's the new Karen the new I call her la sorcerer San Francisco Karen San
00:50:43
Francisco he's a sorcerer what's her name she's mythical you know her name puts out San Francisco Karen it'll come
00:50:49
up you know what's so funny about this lady yeah when I saw this video for the first time yeah Lisa
00:50:54
Alexander apologizes for Karen like confrontation yeah when I saw this one is neither talked about it for a second
00:50:59
when I saw this woman I literally said out loud San Francisco I said it right away I could feel it yeah it's got that
00:51:06
San Francisco vibe yeah so talk about or is it this is it right here are you sure that's it yeah this is him a white
00:51:12
couple called the police on me a person of color for silent firm let me just do it back to us so this older Filipino man who owns the property of his his house
00:51:21
he owns the his house he owns the property of his house here she that she
00:51:26
says is this your property look at that should be the Salem witch San Francisco
00:51:32
treat the [ __ ] commercial let's play the clip and let's let's talk about it
00:51:54
respectfully so absolutely your signs and everything and that's good this is
00:52:01
no this is not the way to do it okay now
00:52:09
let's get to her and frame here a little bit more okay but know if this is
00:52:19
happening to me outside of your place right now yeah if I'm this guy this is what I'm feeling
00:52:26
yeah this is this is what I want in life
00:52:32
yeah you're this is turning you on yes I would be so turned on because I would play it exactly the way he's playing
00:52:39
right where he didn't he never said it was his property even though it was he kept man who have to [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah
00:52:45
yeah you can tell we go hey now this guy's a proper this would be absolutely fine and you don't know if I live here
00:52:52
or my property perfect really because you live here right now
00:53:04
as if that was me yeah it would other thing that would turn my head like a little noise right yeah and it would
00:53:12
make me more excited because he knows because now I you know mean well this is his chance to go what are their names
00:53:18
yeah I've thought he was gonna be like who does live here yes cuz I thought I think I know them do we know the same
00:53:23
people yeah yeah and oh and he should just said his name right if he just was like oh is it mark is it Marcus and and
00:53:29
Jan do they live here that's [ __ ] me okay then I suggest you call him or call
00:53:36
the police or because like using me of a crime correct
00:53:43
so she realizes here [ __ ] I mean well
00:53:48
she does call him I know but cheer it you can feel her right now in her in her voice go I'm I'm
00:53:54
asked I'm asking if she knows B here's what drives me crazy yeah you love your
00:54:01
assumption yeah is the assumption that this guy could host their own the
00:54:06
[ __ ] place right right because to me if I see a guy painting on a wall or
00:54:13
whatever my assumption is it a if it's not my [ __ ] wall it's none of my [ __ ] business yeah in fact if I ever
00:54:20
see anybody painting anything on something yeah I'm not I don't I don't care I don't care even when like show
00:54:26
those do you know man what are you gonna go ask them what they're doing yeah you're surprised up - yeah [ __ ] what
00:54:32
are you nuts yeah mind your own [ __ ] keep moving the worst thing that can happen is if someone is [ __ ] like
00:54:37
it's let's say someone just graffitiing on a building and you go hey don't do that now they're gonna beat the [ __ ] out of
00:54:43
you mind you I'm not answering you so
00:54:50
your choices are to call the cops I love this you believe I'm calling a crime and I went more than be happy to talk to him
00:54:57
what's your engine this what you want what's your name I'll scarcely see
00:55:02
what's your name sir what's your lesson so nervous he was I
00:55:09
guess he goes yeah Robbie Robbie Robbie and now he's like what's your name he
00:55:14
Robbie let's hear what I think his name I think he said Robbie it's just the way he backs up is great yeah I think sir
00:55:21
what's your lesson sir questions that's
00:55:28
another two right the right move you're asking them the question yeah that's what you're saying he's doing that he's doing the right move he's going I'm
00:55:34
asking you because basically I'm just gonna translate to you people all right basically he's saying is you people to
00:55:40
you okay basically what he's saying is is that like I am just doing what I'm
00:55:46
doing right I don't know you yeah why are you leaving me my [ __ ] yeah
00:55:53
right so I don't have to do [ __ ] that's basically with the translation by
00:55:58
the way this should be it should be known this is sidewalk chalk and there are people right on line cuz I've been
00:56:04
obsessed with this yeah I don't read a guy goes well why don't you just say your name and just say you own the property and let it go that's people's
00:56:12
[ __ ] thing I know no because time up well you know because
00:56:19
he doesn't have to why are you bothering me your beauty they're coming to him he's not doing it imagine if I'm on my
00:56:26
front lawn and I'm just trimming something and some guy goes is that your lawn do you live on that lawn is this
00:56:32
your house if the if some share assuming he doesn't live there it's the assumption that's very obvious yeah very obvious when people say why wouldn't you
00:56:39
just say her name because why are you bothering me okay now go keep going this
00:56:45
is what freaks me out of a video Oh call the cops Lisa and Robert I'll be right
00:56:53
here Bob wait you forgot the moment where she puts her for that what happened why her flanger out her an atom
00:57:00
but the finger on her when did she do that she's touching her chest no she doesn't think what she does this I didn't know I didn't see it we played
00:57:06
the whole clip yeah I think you've passed through it no he plays
00:57:12
why you asking I think when you zoom did all this absolutely
00:57:24
well this respectfully it cuts away why
00:57:29
I don't know hold on this is no this is not the way to do it okay it's private
00:57:35
so if I did live here and it was my property this would be absolutely fine and you don't know that I live here
00:57:41
this is my property okay so I imagine
00:57:54
can my background to my computer I imagine right for somebody I imagine
00:57:59
having sex with her and she just goes duh and when you're coming oh my god
00:58:08
if that happened when you were having sex with somebody like that it would it would be burned into your [ __ ] psyche
00:58:13
forever while you're having sex this is private property this is [ __ ] sorcery right there you
00:58:21
know this is what's funny about San Francisco and also I'm gonna talk a little [ __ ] about San Francisco I like that city I like perform in there okay
00:58:26
but I got to tell you every time I go I go up Divisadero or whatever that's called elephant Heights or whatever the
00:58:32
[ __ ] yeah you look at the amount of [ __ ] welfare it's sickening it's in you're like these [ __ ] rich [ __ ]
00:58:38
could save the world San Francisco is this like liberal island where they're like we were the
00:58:45
most progressive yeah meanwhile there's a house worth 50 million [ __ ] dollars
00:58:50
you young to know what I'm talking about here okay don't do that I know who Cat Stevens is
00:58:56
dad you're too young to experience this I hate when people say that I'll go ahead okay yeah go ahead is is that I've
00:59:03
been playing the San Francisco punchline since the late 90s yeah I know I wasn't born yet go ahead and the difference
00:59:10
between the audience is now and then night and day in what way
00:59:15
in this when you played San Francisco you would couldn't sleep because you couldn't wait
00:59:21
mmm-hmm because the audiences were so wild right you would see a lot of
00:59:28
different colors a lot of different kinds of people different kinds of Playboy NYX hippies but not mean just
00:59:35
beatniks but also just like every type of person but what it was is they're
00:59:41
enjoying it and you could say whatever you want and they would stand up and it would be you would crush harder than in
00:59:49
any other room can I tell you and now it's like doing a [ __ ] EI convention
00:59:56
I'm gonna go I'm a Nam and completely combat what you just said no way I just play I just played last year I just
01:00:02
played up there at Cobbs I literally said to my agent I cannot believe how
01:00:08
free it was in my mind I thought [ __ ] San Francisco has always kind of been this tight place the last couple of
01:00:13
years the Pacific Northwest has this thing no dude San Francisco was [ __ ] incredible now
01:00:20
granted I'm sure a lot of those people didn't live on the island they weren't a bunch I'm sure they Cobbs I play I play both of them but Molly
01:00:27
wouldn't let me play punch because because of what happened because of the [ __ ] you know the lease and they and
01:00:34
they couldn't our contracts had to change for everybody so she was like do you want to sell more tickets or not I said I don't want to play cops I don't
01:00:40
want that big room I like the small punch and she goes do you want to sell tickets or not and I said okay so I went over there and
01:00:45
I sold out for shows I cop so it it was well worth it I gotta tell you every [ __ ] audience not one Oh none of that oh maybe I
01:00:52
should play cop it was [ __ ] awesome it was [ __ ] up I used to think that I was nervous about the North West being
01:00:58
like Oh what if they they don't like that I do a question about now because the last time I display cobs you know
01:01:03
ask al Madrigal I had a nervous breakdown and I collapsed into the kitchen and I took my shirt off and I
01:01:09
started crying like a little baby and Natasha Leggero had to pick me up because you were just eating it no I did a corporate event at comms or
01:01:17
Facebook well dude and I was last it was Ian Edwards was there too and I bombed so badly that I took my shirt off I went
01:01:25
to the kitchen of cobs I went into a thing and then also there so that's the first the second time at cobs before
01:01:31
that yeah is where ken Jeong physically assaulted me he punched me try to punch me in the
01:01:36
face and this deeper had to separate us when you guys were on tour together that's a long story but he separated us
01:01:43
and I had to get back on a plane and go home to him so I had two bad things happen to
01:01:48
Cobb this is why you got to wipe that away from your brain it's still there it's gone hey look at me I need a science say I'm gone okay it's
01:01:57
gone don't you don't think about that it's change that stuff has changed a lot trust me I know what you say so two
01:02:06
things yeah Bobby came over last night oh my god and we ate dinner together and we had we had steaks and Bobby ordered
01:02:13
I'm gonna get Bob's order there was only three of us right Bobby ordered prime
01:02:18
rib two corn on the cobs artichoke steamed spinach
01:02:24
I'm sorry creamed spinach the garlic bread the big order a cup of clam
01:02:29
chowder right we had we had you and you
01:02:36
raise it filets I've had fillets and onion rings that's it and and and and green beans and salads and that's it no
01:02:44
there's one more thing you ordered that I'm missing that you ate the [ __ ] is you ate the green beet green beans in the state oh that was mine that was
01:02:50
yours that's right Bobby ordered and two diet cokes two diet cokes yeah yeah
01:02:56
Bobby ordered everything on the menu everything on them on one side of the menu and when we were calling the guy
01:03:02
kept going like this okay and then I add it he goes okay oh and barbecue baked beans yeah yeah and you had barbecue
01:03:07
baked beans that's all right that's right I think he started okay okay and then it started going
01:03:13
how many utensils would you like 36 yeah he couldn't [ __ ] bill I said just three people yeah the guy goes three
01:03:18
people because I haven't ordered at a restaurant in a very long time you ordered so much food it was insane
01:03:23
most of it you ate a lot of it yeah you had a lot of it I know I did the only one the one thing that you do that most
01:03:29
people can get over that I can't with eating you slurp you slurp the beans you slurp it was hard to watch I love you
01:03:37
but you are big beets and when you dip that stake in the horseradish sauce my
01:03:42
my my my my my too much' sauce
01:03:47
oh yeah you were like more it was I was
01:03:53
astounded at your etiquette yeah because I eat like a [ __ ] no you guys sit there like [ __ ] the grown-ups no like it's
01:04:00
uh you know like Hill grooms like [ __ ] little house in the Prairie
01:04:05
pilgrim what does that even mean right up right why people up right right you pick up utensils right you lock each
01:04:12
other in the eyes right and you just I mean like Stepford sets Stepford why the whole time we hate we go like this we go
01:04:17
is this your private property do you live here and doing this move do you know I eat like a [ __ ] yes you eat
01:04:28
yes if I imagined the original humans ate a fine but they hunted all day
01:04:34
that's right and they exercised all day and they and they finally got food that's right and then they had to wait to cook it and then when they were done
01:04:40
they wouldn't wait they were just all looking Ravager yeah well we ordered out picked it up you didn't even have to go
01:04:47
get it I don't wait [ __ ] hey [ __ ] wait and sit in your uncomfortable
01:04:54
living room on that time come out and just do small talk what's uncomfortable about what's uncle beautiful gray walls
01:05:01
what's uncomfortable about it it's you your house looks like a [ __ ]
01:05:06
anthropology store okay just conks and [ __ ] candle e and just light and
01:05:13
light and airy information it's light and not getting [ __ ] and not to sit there you know booger Tom you live in a
01:05:20
booger cave Oh with skin shrapnel all over politics I'll go [ __ ] oh go [ __ ] about look at my
01:05:27
backyard we gone backyard I'm like this is [ __ ] what is this how nice is this yard beautiful yeah what are you people
01:05:34
you're me and I have to pretend and what would you like to eat come on white
01:05:39
let's [ __ ] do it let's eat now now this is you just being racist I'm not being racist see I don't wait you just don't like
01:05:45
white snow I do this no like why don't y'all dude you act silly you don't like
01:05:50
white so I'm just saying I know I had to wait and and pretend like you care that I cared about it wish you had a video
01:05:57
game controller and I had to sit there and eat there and then be and now I'm not gonna do ever do
01:06:03
it again because now you're making fun of the way I eat no I wasn't making fun with the slurping and the sorbet two things yeah one when you left you
01:06:09
literally said hey I really enjoyed this and I do want to do it again didn't you and then you got in your car got a
01:06:16
cigarette and you and you and then I called you and we had a conversation and you really did enjoy it and I said you
01:06:22
know what I've never done it before so yeah thank you it was different it was different and I asked why can't Rudy Rudy come but you didn't want a
01:06:29
Russia on issues rubble Rudy doesn't like you look at that face that's Annette calls on [ __ ] doesn't like
01:06:35
you they do not like me that much would you not come over and I would have a good dinner for you you don't want to come over huh she's paranoid because like even on the way over here I joke
01:06:42
she can I get some coffee I'll tell uncle aunty kalila that you do it I'll tell on ethical ila we have
01:06:50
cheap we have GPS on the in the car we'll know she'll know it's like she's
01:06:56
only [ __ ] and you know all these people on the inner echo you got to be nicer to Rudy she has to be nicer to me
01:07:02
you you do you do take a lot of abuse from Rudy I I will say from her yeah in kalila all the [ __ ] time I'm hard you
01:07:09
guys boss him around a lot [ __ ] [ __ ] think she did here we go so I go to Gold
01:07:16
belly and I you know that I haven't told you how mad I am about what's gold belly gold belly is an app online and you can
01:07:23
order food from all over the country now I want to see a cold belly it's an app online and you can get you know delicious they have like recommended
01:07:29
things so I get my Lou Malnati's from there I get you know it says from their love I get um barbecue but I also get
01:07:35
this arm I get baked I get chicken pot pies and beef pies all right what's it
01:07:42
called so we can wrap up I'll show you I have to go my gold belly religious are you are you a pot pie person you don't
01:07:50
like it you know how Popeyes you eat pot pies and it's so hot that even when you're done it's still hot so here's
01:07:56
gold belly right here you know I'm gonna show you much some of my transactions here so this is it you can go over here
01:08:01
and get bagel other way this isn't a sponsor of like you know you I like it yay so my account right mm-hmm and I go
01:08:07
to my orders okay what do you order from God I thought oh I got
01:08:13
Lou Malnati's four of those I love Carole bah Kitty party family meals
01:08:18
court it's like Indian food Kenny boy Kenny Bob why pie pizza I get deep it's pizzas there but this is what I get Pam
01:08:25
berries double crust hand pies wait a minute you you get you get pizzas from
01:08:30
Lou Malnati's and from pie guy I get him from six different companies Jesus so I
01:08:36
get this thing called pan berries double crossed hand pies okay so they come
01:08:42
frozen look at listen to everyone apologies I am listening to you okay I'm just looking at this belly thing so um
01:08:48
they're in they come in a box this is gold belly and I get 12 pies they're
01:08:53
about this big okay listen to me I am and so on they come to the door and um
01:09:00
kalila has a thing where I can't touch anything that comes to the door Rudy has to clean it on disinfect everything
01:09:06
right I know you made her disinfectant already she lives my she leaves my pie
01:09:12
is out there for two days melt right so then she doesn't tell me
01:09:21
yeah if she freezes them that way so now no your pies come in a plastic wrapping
01:09:27
right when they melt all the filling inside pours out pours out so the
01:09:32
plastics filled now frozen with the feeling that's inside the [ __ ] high right if she just puts in the freezer
01:09:39
and she doesn't tell me hey [ __ ] I wake up one day a ship i
01:09:47
today hey [ __ ] I want a party day right I go to the pie and I pick them up and the [ __ ] the pie the crust is still
01:09:55
there but there's holes in the bottom we're all the filling it spilled out into the thing so now I'm just getting
01:10:01
crust yeah right oh all 12 of them run that way and I've been eating it that way
01:10:07
but all the [ __ ] [ __ ] news down did you apologize I only made the mistake
01:10:15
once and because you didn't tell me that the package arrived because I never go
01:10:21
down and I don't know when it arrived she didn't know and the fillings didn't go out only the
01:10:27
oil went out oh Rudy Rudy Rudy oh it was
01:10:37
just the oil all right all right so was he exaggerating no stop stop I love you stop rot rude Oh Bob let me tell you
01:10:44
this Andrew all right when I order okay so I'll show you my orders okay I want to see I'm gonna show you my orders okay
01:10:50
so this okay so I get let's go to it um I follow the line I fall deeply in love
01:10:57
with you when you get into these things a lot okay the way I look at you when you're like a little a little key you're like a little too excited right now okay
01:11:04
so I got and so I know raised braised pork pies yes to country chicken pies
01:11:09
okay to breakfast chicken southern chicken pies oh look I didn't get oil
01:11:19
pies since I didn't get oil pies how the
01:11:25
[ __ ] is there not all peasant how many oils is there no oil [ __ ] thing it's
01:11:31
the filling not the oil it's not the filling because if it won't be the filling there will be like me no here's
01:11:39
a week wait I'm out let me investigate is there meat spilling outside from outside of it no here's oh so it isn't
01:11:44
it's something else or uh uh when you open up a pie up Hanbury pie it's delicious as my as I see it go ahead oh
01:11:50
I'm a genetic thing inside the pie is a
01:11:56
stew oh I love it alright when I ask you what a stew is what does that consist of chunks of meat
01:12:03
and potatoes and carrots but what's the most important thing in a stew the gravy did you this juice the juice right yeah
01:12:09
the most important thing is the Jews did you like the juice did you just go juices go the juice is gone
01:12:15
the juice is gone the juice has now filled in the plastic so when you open
01:12:21
up it's frozen so I have to put just beef mm-hmm right and potato chunks with
01:12:27
note you can you just crack them and put them back in the pie and can't you can't it's like a frozen ice block you can't
01:12:33
crack a market but you can crack it and put it on of the shell of the pie well I didn't
01:12:39
have it melt it over that sounds good - does it sound good this is some good cuz I don't want a moist ball I don't want a
01:12:45
moist ball above but most balls don't you so um you never apologize for that and
01:12:51
I'm and I'm being nice to Rudy never yelled at her about it but that is
01:12:58
what she did did you not do that though okay see I'm sorry I'm sorry okay she's
01:13:04
so [ __ ] nice she's a nice girl that's why I didn't yell at her until now you know I've been eating these [ __ ]
01:13:12
balls of dough yeah you know I mean yeah they're delicious but that's not what I
01:13:17
want that's not what you initially intelligent AI daddy wants a pie hey daddy what's a pie well how about this yeah but it's a great company if you
01:13:24
ever go to gold belly you got to get these pan berry pan berry pies and I love the mushroom chicken why are you
01:13:31
let me ask you this why are you guys leaving it outside for so long that's a disinfectant yeah you not supposed to
01:13:38
leave it out there for days why don't you guys just spray it in sighs take it take inside and spray with alcohol cuz
01:13:45
she just you know we live in a you know listen to us people have different
01:13:51
points of views about the Pandi oh right and you know we are taking it real safe
01:13:56
sure and we and you know people go are you scared yeah I'm scared why wouldn't you be not
01:14:02
the smoker I'm scared you're are you seriously we had this conversation when the sebastian said to me once you know
01:14:08
when the pandemic story goes you've nothing to worry about you're gonna be fine and I go Sebastian you have nothing
01:14:14
to worry about because you're athletic yeah I don't that doesn't make a difference anymore oh you have a great body that does a great Italian body I
01:14:21
know trust me but for me you know I don't think the smoking thing is gonna be the detriment for you what is it I
01:14:28
don't know oh you just said it as if there was a detriment I just think I
01:14:33
think it helped has a lot to do with it yeah beyond the smoking I'm talking about just diet oh yeah what did i do today
01:14:40
when I woke up yoga yeah did you 30 or an hour
01:14:46
45 oh you did 45 we were supposed to do 75 how intense though was it stret with
01:14:51
a lot of stretching why did you add that part because she knows because she knows what I'm asking she knows exactly what I'm asking was it hard
01:14:59
did you sweat yeah did you why are you looking at her did you sweat I know she sweat cause she probably puts in the
01:15:05
oven how about this because you were supposed to do Wednesday with us I know I bailed and you bailed I bailed you'd
01:15:11
be a little small I have a say on a lot of things I said ass ever in my life did you ever play war zone with me no did
01:15:16
you ever go to the Korean spa with me well we can't we can't the wind thing I back up everything I say did I come over
01:15:23
to your uncomfortable house I did did I eat dinner we had a good time yeah shut
01:15:28
the [ __ ] up you're being such an exaggerated I know I bailed on yoga for one reason and I can tell you this right now I am going to I am going to a I'm
01:15:37
going to podiatrists next week I think I got to get surgery on my [ __ ] leg now no you're doing yoga with that's
01:15:43
Wednesday no I'm serious I've let this go for too long this is bad look at how gross that look so you see how red and swollen it is yeah I let it
01:15:50
go for too long and I thought it was like oh it'll just heal itself yeah so I wake up Wednesday morning and I go [ __ ]
01:15:55
and I'm thinking no man I'll just go walk around the neighborhood I'll take the dog for a walk then I go inside my
01:16:01
ankle is swollen your dog though yeah I know your dog reminds me of my brother's
01:16:07
dog really yeah just you can tell I don't know why you got lucky but you
01:16:15
could tell he is a good guy the boy it's a girl's oh it's a girl whatever we did
01:16:21
put a penis on it but it is a girl it is the most loving it's sat next to me she went right up to you you know what's so
01:16:28
funny is when someone says that you got lucky I believe that to be true I used to think I was like now dogs take after the way you treat him and the owner no
01:16:34
no you guys I have I have good friends that have dogs that are just [ __ ] [ __ ] that tear [ __ ] up that poop on
01:16:39
everything she doesn't do any of that stuff we have one of those you have an [ __ ] oh oh I have a [ __ ] I have an
01:16:45
update on [ __ ] what happened oh this
01:16:50
is a great one this is great so did I tell you we ordered a spa for
01:16:56
it yeah so that you know spa yeah then she ordered a full-blown tree thing that
01:17:02
came - there's gonna spend 50 grand on a right or I should show you what my [ __ ] patio looks like it's a it's
01:17:11
it's disgusting I'll show you what the patio because I sprayed it down at all
01:17:16
or clean it or touch okay yet you can't really see it but like let me see
01:17:24
Oh bro get a hose right so this is essentially you know these branches
01:17:31
right there's the spa that they ordered oh my god there's so much poop there's so mind I know why don't you guys can
01:17:37
you know so when is this morning is put some of those meatballs outside and he's
01:17:43
gone today yeah he's gone right so then what happened was he flew but couldn't
01:17:51
fully make it so he ended up on somebody else's long right and you know it's like
01:17:58
going I'm leaving the four seasons I'm going to a motel 6 right he went from tip top to bottom to bottom and now he's
01:18:04
on somebody else's long business kalila probably cares do you miss Leonard no
01:18:16
you don't we talked about his wings are broken still I said it asked her in the
01:18:23
car and you have to be honest with me I go do you love Leonard she goes yeah and
01:18:28
I go we if Leonard I would you cry she goes no and I go then I go have you ever
01:18:39
cried in a movie she goes yeah what movie what which one oh yeah what a
01:18:50
movie and I go what scene when she dies right I go you love that scene more than
01:18:57
you love Leonard oh boy I said I don't know if I would cry I wouldn't cry I know you wouldn't cry
01:19:03
she dry you just told me in the car that you wouldn't cry I don't know she would cry it'd be she wouldn't be heavy but if
01:19:11
she would cry if the dog if one of your animals died would you cry yeah because I love them
01:19:16
but how for how long I would it would devastate me for how long I would get one of them cloned do you know that can
01:19:24
you do that oh yeah you can get your animal clone now oh yeah how does it help meryl streep did it how expensive is that
01:19:30
fifty thousand you would do that [ __ ] yeah Dobby yeah wait can I do that how old is
01:19:37
it how do you do that you got to get their fingernails or something you send it to Korea right before they die you
01:19:43
got to get their DNA you send it away send it away how long does it take and they clone it a couple of months Wow there's a great idea then you really
01:19:50
never lose your family don't the Meryl Streep or one of those actresses did it she her dog Brooke Shields she was the inventor of it the Brooke
01:19:57
Shields cloner dog I can't believe that you clone you're gonna clone goby I
01:20:05
would go look clone don't go be but then you think right isn't that good freebie clone a dog
01:20:11
they can't clone humans do you have to clone human you don't think I think they've done it already yeah but then it
01:20:16
but it then if we can clone humans I've always asked this question let me ask you this question oh boy you believe in God I believe in a
01:20:24
being yes okay I don't know what it is but I know it's there so if we can clone a human mm-hmm a week reading live
01:20:31
where's God still creating life hmm um okay well that's complex I don't I
01:20:38
believe in a thing I don't believe in a man in the sky I don't believe in that I believe in a universal power and energy
01:20:45
that's massive that we'll never be able to wrap our brains around so in that regard it's all creating without our
01:20:51
knowledge be things are being created without our knowledge so do I think we
01:20:58
live in a [ __ ] alternate universe dude none of this is real this is a
01:21:04
simulation you're freaking me out right you live in a simulation freaking me out let me let me give you a theory no no
01:21:10
let me give you a serious thoughts to me the way you look at her okay the way she looks to you right when you look at her you know her characteristics you've seen
01:21:16
her before you've created that image of who you think she is in your mind that energy is real she exists but she looks
01:21:22
different to me than she does to you when you look at her right now you think I see her the same way you do like she looks Cambodian to me
01:21:28
online you look Cambodian no but what you see if her physically all her physical attributes they don't look the
01:21:35
same to me we just assume they do because we live in a [ __ ] simulation we've created these universes the way we want to
01:21:40
create money because I first thought you know when she first moved it mushrooms right she looked like a mushroom
01:21:46
no she uh I thought oh she looks you know like a young but now she looks
01:21:51
exactly I don't know why and she do you take offense to this looks like she takes offense of this but she looks
01:21:57
exactly like her mom to me well that's not what I mean she's a child of her mother why would I be you were you see
01:22:03
reflections of her the nights call her or her mom and she gets really angry at Sonoma Hani why is her mom's name Oh
01:22:10
your mom's name is honey yeah is that her real name her full name is honey I
01:22:15
lose honey loose that's a great name honey - yeah honey loose so you know Filipinos they they they name their
01:22:22
peoples you know there's kids names crazy [ __ ] what do you mean like like like three people have named their kids
01:22:28
kovat yeah that's not that's fine I know it's kind of cool or Paperclip they they just name their kids in a
01:22:34
weird sewer head yeah you know what yeah thank you for being a bad friend here's
01:22:44
a little song we wrote for all the dads out there
01:22:50
we see you we see you working on that
01:22:56
grill real hot you know that long looks
01:23:08
damn fine that it we understand what all
01:23:15
the moms see she got the dead in his
01:23:21
blue ballon speakers Tommy Bahama three buttons undone there goes your dad
01:23:29
riding on his mower just is in the hot
01:23:34
Summer Sun so hi dad buys see our boat coming clean
01:23:43
so high we won't just what we wanna do
01:23:50
good when we [ __ ] your hoard ahead
01:24:01
we know your mom will be mad when we
01:24:06
[ __ ] y'all show me how yeah we wanna [ __ ] your
01:24:19
dad's everybody we wanna [ __ ] your dad's
01:24:25
we wanna [ __ ] your dance we wanna [ __ ] out - yeah happy Father's
01:24:37
Day [Music]
