00:00:00
two one Happy New Year
00:00:06
thanks for coming out
00:00:08
[Music]
00:00:11
no
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[Music]
00:00:21
[Music]
00:00:37
hey bad friends did you like seeing me
00:00:38
kiss that sweet little Asian girl on New
00:00:41
Year's Eve well if you want to celebrate
00:00:42
New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve
00:00:44
with me either of those dates I'm doing
00:00:45
four shows two nights at the Wilbur
00:00:47
Theater in Boston go to
00:00:49
andrewsantino.com for those tickets
00:00:51
andrewsantino.com Boston show up show
00:00:54
out New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve
00:00:56
Eve also uh not officially a part of the
00:00:58
bad Friends tour but Bobby and I are
00:01:00
going to be in Vancouver for Just for
00:01:02
Laughs on February 16th uh then we're
00:01:05
going to be in Spokane for bad friends
00:01:07
on the 17th and Seattle Washington for
00:01:11
bad friends on the 18th those links are
00:01:13
going to be in the description down
00:01:15
below to buy those tickets to come see
00:01:18
the bad friends beginning of the
00:01:20
official tour that starts a month later
00:01:22
two are bad friends who are these two
00:01:24
idiots white dude
00:01:28
you two are disgusting oh YouTube or
00:01:32
something we're bad friends
00:01:46
[Laughter]
00:01:48
you know and we also have dreidel
00:01:51
dreidel dreidel I made you out of clay
00:01:55
is it better for you when you're dry and
00:01:58
ready I just found out I'm gay
00:02:03
there is ladies and gentlemen boys and
00:02:08
boys and girls have you been good this
00:02:10
year I don't know but you get one anyway
00:02:13
well Asian Santa
00:02:15
we've brought someone from your Workshop
00:02:22
every year you know I get all the time
00:02:25
sometimes when they don't do I kill them
00:02:28
oh you kill the elves that do a bad job
00:02:36
oh and icy lake
00:02:38
yeah you know how you fish you dig a
00:02:41
hole I do ice fish yeah I put the
00:02:43
elephant in there oh you put one of your
00:02:45
helpers inside
00:02:53
yeah he's been with me for 89 years one
00:02:57
of the good ones he is so fast very good
00:02:59
in my mind I thought he Asian oh you
00:03:02
thought he was Asian oh you're not why
00:03:04
why would you think he's Asian because
00:03:06
he works so hard not because of his
00:03:08
height no no no oh yeah that too because
00:03:10
he's similarly yeah yeah
00:03:12
anyway my favorite Earth in the workshop
00:03:16
is a Brad William Brad William
00:03:21
um oh he's scared of Santa you know guys
00:03:27
yeah right there okay yeah yeah uh so so
00:03:31
here's I guess Asians
00:03:36
can I speak okay Asian Santa's favorite
00:03:41
my favorite Helper and how do you feel
00:03:44
about Asian Santa do you get along with
00:03:45
him oh his dick is so big
00:03:48
so big thank you thank you and he's such
00:03:51
a such a vigorous lover and and and and
00:03:54
and and such a generous leader
00:03:59
he's being facetious by the way do you
00:04:01
know what that means Asian Santa I don't
00:04:03
know
00:04:04
I know Confucius Confucius say physician
00:04:07
is it Confucius yeah
00:04:09
that one he's facetiousness means he's
00:04:12
he's he's when he talks about your big
00:04:14
penis on the he's kidding and what do I
00:04:17
feed you at night Christmas Eve oh the
00:04:20
best the
00:04:32
yeah but not Rudolph because you know
00:04:35
he's the lead you know I can't see
00:04:37
without him yeah he got the Red Nose how
00:04:40
do you see in the night so well
00:04:42
as you're dashing through the smell
00:04:45
because of my eyes well what you know
00:04:48
let me tell you something you know
00:04:49
there's more than one Santa I only do
00:04:51
Asia oh you're just for Asia yeah you
00:04:53
know that right no I can't go to
00:04:55
Cleveland
00:04:56
imagine me coming down Korea
00:04:59
yeah yeah yeah but in you know Shanghai
00:05:03
what do they leave you oh they leave me
00:05:05
dumplings
00:05:07
I love the almond cookie
00:05:12
so you have you ever been to the United
00:05:14
States and delivered gifts no never
00:05:15
never one time you know the real Santa
00:05:19
the real
00:05:20
yeah you know yeah because the African
00:05:24
Center and I oh you get along oh the
00:05:26
Africa yeah so you commiserate with
00:05:27
other minors
00:05:30
tell me he only has to do three houses
00:05:33
you know why why
00:05:36
they're all bad kids really
00:05:40
that's African Santa right there yeah
00:05:43
so he only has to do three now do you
00:05:45
visit the Philippines
00:05:53
you know I'm on the mainland correct
00:05:56
Asia right yeah and at five in the
00:05:58
morning you know my last house is
00:05:59
probably you know Vietnam somewhere else
00:06:01
you know loud Saigon or something you
00:06:03
know right and I'm tired you know they
00:06:05
don't get much anyway you know so yeah
00:06:07
yeah and then it's like I go do I go to
00:06:10
home
00:06:11
oh I go to East Paul East Paul yeah we
00:06:14
live in Eastport
00:06:16
yeah
00:06:18
right or do I go all the way to a little
00:06:21
island where they don't give a [ __ ]
00:06:23
nobody you know okay I don't go have you
00:06:25
ever gotten Christmas presents Rudy
00:06:27
Jules from Asian Santa yeah no no yeah
00:06:31
you don't no you were bad yeah yeah yeah
00:06:33
I remember you yeah yeah yeah
00:06:35
we're not giving it to her
00:06:38
I can be your helper I can clean
00:06:43
I mean okay is it too much yeah
00:06:54
uh welcome Brad Williams to the podcast
00:06:57
happy holidays thank you I think I think
00:06:59
it's now an authentic holiday episode
00:07:02
yeah with you yeah with you yeah it just
00:07:05
looks right now have you ever met Rudy
00:07:07
Jewels have you guys met before no no
00:07:08
not not in person but uh let me ask you
00:07:11
I I've only slid into her DMS a couple
00:07:13
of times oh my God
00:07:15
Brad Rudy Jules are there dwarves from
00:07:20
your land yeah where name me one I don't
00:07:24
know them but I've seen them where like
00:07:26
when I ride um like jeepney and they're
00:07:29
just like they're just like like a Jeep
00:07:32
like where like you commute oh it's like
00:07:35
a safari
00:07:36
so
00:07:49
what in the jeepney okay so when I ride
00:07:52
that like outside all right that's a
00:07:54
hippies bus from Berkeley yeah yeah
00:07:56
that's not it but wait a minute you ride
00:07:58
around in this looking for a little no
00:08:00
no no no no no no do you have a net when
00:08:03
you when you find them like you know how
00:08:05
when you throw you have to hit a fish in
00:08:07
water you have to aim below it do you
00:08:10
have to how low do you have to aim to
00:08:12
hit little people that you're trying to
00:08:13
kill on the street I mean this is insane
00:08:15
you do this they have one of those
00:08:16
scoopers like those carts have at the
00:08:19
golf driving range yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:08:22
so you're just collecting Little People
00:08:24
yeah yeah that's nuts it's a Filipino
00:08:27
trip I'm into it that's why I've never
00:08:29
been there do they drive the thing no
00:08:31
like sometimes I like I usually
00:08:34
um drive that and then um sometimes I
00:08:37
just see them like in the streets like
00:08:38
sitting and then just walking around how
00:08:40
do you know they're not kids
00:08:43
yeah how do you know
00:08:46
I don't know you check the pubic hair
00:08:48
yeah how do you know is it kids or maybe
00:08:50
you're seeing like a thicker kid because
00:08:52
like Filipinos general not that tall
00:08:55
right exactly so you and you have a half
00:08:58
asian wife I do well no your wife is
00:09:00
Asian you have a half asian baby yes so
00:09:03
your wife is she she's half she's half
00:09:06
Chinese so we have a quarter a quarter
00:09:08
Chinese but your wife's half Chinese and
00:09:10
half what uh we don't know oh wow the
00:09:12
mystery yeah that's like Bobby we don't
00:09:14
know yeah so your baby is what now uh
00:09:18
home I know
00:09:19
she's a quarter Chinese quarter Chinese
00:09:22
and then and then 50 white probably
00:09:26
white probably more than that no 25 of
00:09:29
the dwarf part he's native oh it is I'm
00:09:32
from America we don't have our own land
00:09:34
that's right he's native I mean we have
00:09:36
our own Park in China but that's a whole
00:09:38
other story what's that ah thank you
00:09:40
gave bread now there we go that's cool
00:09:42
that's cool now I could you know you
00:09:43
feel better that way or no yeah it puts
00:09:45
my back in the line because those there
00:09:46
those seats are so the fact that we got
00:09:49
these seats for them is so mean for our
00:09:51
guests yeah because they're they're not
00:09:53
good for anybody that's true but are
00:09:55
they fun to look at they're fun to look
00:09:56
at you better believe it because I had
00:09:57
to say something you're probably so far
00:09:59
hard to follow
00:10:01
on stand up oh so I thought you were
00:10:03
like in the streets yeah that's easy
00:10:05
small steps
00:10:07
behind things it's very hard to follow
00:10:09
are you well you're hard you know what
00:10:10
you're hard to find not to follow yes I
00:10:12
got you once I got you yeah yeah I kind
00:10:14
of stand out but before that sneaky oh
00:10:18
they're sneaky people so wait a minute
00:10:19
you're saying I'm feeling I'm being
00:10:21
canceled no not at sneaky people but
00:10:22
excuse sneakers why are you being why
00:10:24
are you being canceled well I don't want
00:10:25
to like you know anyway joke about one
00:10:27
of our friends it's all right it takes a
00:10:29
long time for a dwarf to write a letter
00:10:30
you're fine
00:10:58
he's a great comic thank you Bob and you
00:11:01
have a residency in Vegas is that what
00:11:02
it is I had one yeah what happened to it
00:11:04
uh uh my contract ran up give me the
00:11:07
show up the show what's it called again
00:11:08
it's called mad Apple I was in Mad Apple
00:11:11
uh the Cirque du Soleil show in Las
00:11:13
Vegas
00:11:14
yeah it was a blast I went on after the
00:11:17
guys that juggle each other with their
00:11:19
feet wow look at that thing yeah and you
00:11:22
did that how many shows a week uh 10 10
00:11:25
shows 10 a week yeah oh my gosh two
00:11:28
shows a night Monday Wednesday Monday
00:11:30
Tuesday Wednesday Friday Thursday Friday
00:11:31
we had we had Wednesday Thursday off
00:11:33
that was our weekends wow yeah it was it
00:11:36
was a blast I did it for like I said
00:11:39
like four months and it was wonderful I
00:11:42
I like being in a circle I work 10
00:11:44
minutes each show amazing it was great
00:11:46
you didn't want to do another run or no
00:11:47
uh
00:11:49
the answer to every question is always
00:11:51
money yeah how much yeah that's what he
00:11:54
responds how much yeah yeah yeah and
00:11:55
they didn't pay you enough uh they did
00:11:57
it first and then we started seeing my
00:12:00
stock kind of rise and things like that
00:12:02
so we're like all right now if you want
00:12:03
to do it again you gotta you gotta pay
00:12:05
me more and they're like no there he is
00:12:07
is that that's you that's you presenting
00:12:09
yeah oh that that was me at the launch
00:12:11
that fo that there's me on stage yeah
00:12:14
wow so yeah but it was a blast there's
00:12:17
an amazing company to work for I got
00:12:18
free physical therapy so you great you
00:12:21
went there and did what do you do when
00:12:22
you open up the show you do like 15
00:12:23
minutes up top 10 minutes you do 10
00:12:26
minutes of standout So Physical Therapy
00:12:27
how long before I mean it's not probably
00:12:29
not that long he's probably like beep
00:12:31
and then it's done they go they press on
00:12:33
the spine with the finger and then I got
00:12:35
your bread
00:12:37
I'm Healed I'm Healed I'm good sciatica
00:12:40
done free physical therapies yeah I'm
00:12:42
only like an inch taller than them I
00:12:43
don't know why I'm making these jokes
00:12:45
that's why you're making the joke yeah
00:12:47
you're like ah ego boost Brad's here
00:12:49
yeah fine I can finally get these jokes
00:12:50
out you think you can beat me up oh yeah
00:12:53
big time yeah you always say that my
00:12:54
money is on bread like with I mean
00:12:56
without but in what shadow of a doubt
00:12:58
what in any fighting or watch yeah like
00:13:01
I wrestled in high school so okay me too
00:13:03
so did he oh he did yeah okay that'd be
00:13:05
fun okay but like but like how old are
00:13:08
you now Bobby 51 51 yeah what are you 38
00:13:11
but that's like 51 in dwarf oh yeah yeah
00:13:15
it is yeah so yeah we're about to say
00:13:16
we're about to say yeah I think it's a
00:13:18
good tale to say it's a good yeah it'll
00:13:19
be fun he's got the reach Advantage
00:13:21
boxing he could probably beat me I don't
00:13:23
know Taekwondo definitely that's a leg
00:13:25
martial art exactly yeah but when it
00:13:27
comes to grappling like UFC Rules maybe
00:13:30
if you can get a hold of yeah yeah yeah
00:13:31
yeah okay because he gets he's got the
00:13:33
holds down yeah I do I'm pretty good
00:13:35
though how do you think he [ __ ] made
00:13:36
a baby with his wife that's all holes
00:13:37
that was all holes and she's tall right
00:13:39
how old she's six four
00:13:41
yeah to me five eight right yeah and how
00:13:45
tall are you uh four foot four
00:13:47
so yeah wow everyone when they see us
00:13:49
together is like [ __ ] that dude must be
00:13:50
rich yeah like they you know they know I
00:13:53
know it's just your dick can I say
00:13:54
something to you yeah it's all dick
00:13:56
doesn't even infuriate you because when
00:13:58
I used to date I used to date taller
00:14:00
women and people always make remarks
00:14:02
yeah doesn't it make you angry somehow I
00:14:04
don't think they make remarks to him the
00:14:05
way they do to you yeah what do you mean
00:14:07
well because I have like a whole I have
00:14:09
like I have a condition you're just
00:14:11
small no no he has a condition would
00:14:13
that hurt but that hurt but I'll let
00:14:16
that slide right for him yeah it's it's
00:14:19
like recognized by the government and
00:14:22
our and our society with you it's just
00:14:25
unfortunate right but can I ask you this
00:14:28
which sucks because there's nothing we
00:14:29
can do about it it's not it's not like
00:14:31
we're doing something to be our height
00:14:33
yeah but you use yours to your advantage
00:14:36
to build character Bobby's doesn't
00:14:39
really there's no plus oh there's
00:14:42
nothing that's good
00:14:44
he doesn't have an organization he can
00:14:46
join like I can go to meetings right
00:14:49
yeah yeah can I go to your meetings how
00:14:53
tall are you
00:14:54
five five five three five five three
00:14:56
five three five four in the good day
00:14:58
that's what we said no Too Tall what's
00:15:01
the height then limit five lie five five
00:15:03
is a lie five Google it five five four
00:15:06
four ten four ten is the limit are you
00:15:08
being real yeah that's the legal limit
00:15:10
yeah if you're 410 or below you are
00:15:12
legally considered what if a dwarf had
00:15:15
um giganticism
00:15:17
[Laughter]
00:15:22
he would be five four there gotta be
00:15:25
they're they're now there are now Adam
00:15:28
Raynor was a dwarf and a giant at the
00:15:31
exact same exactly yeah yeah Bobby was
00:15:33
right I was right what which one oh my
00:15:36
God he's eight what no that's not that's
00:15:39
him standing on someone's shoulders go
00:15:41
back to all and let's see yeah go back
00:15:43
to the actual post click on the post
00:15:45
itself Adam Raynor the insane story of
00:15:47
man who was born a dwarf and died a
00:15:49
giant wow wow so obviously what happened
00:15:52
was he was born a dwarf and then the
00:15:54
pituitary gland a right overflowed isn't
00:15:57
that what happens right when you become
00:15:58
a giant giant yeah it's a it's a giant
00:16:00
uh giantism yeah it's likely a cyst on
00:16:03
your pituitary which means you grow it's
00:16:05
it's throwing all of this Andre the
00:16:07
Giant had it the rest of the Big Show
00:16:08
right but it's great in a circus because
00:16:11
you can reinvent yourself right you're a
00:16:13
dwarf in the circle and they're like oh
00:16:15
we've seen it and all of a sudden the
00:16:16
next day it's like oh this is a new
00:16:18
thing oh look at the tits on her yeah
00:16:22
God bless Adam Raynor yeah oh look at
00:16:25
that look at that over the next decade
00:16:27
he grew from just under 410 have to be
00:16:30
yeah to a shocking 7-1 during this
00:16:32
period Renner also began developing a
00:16:35
severe spinal contusion contusion what
00:16:37
is that curvature curvature yeah I mean
00:16:40
it's natural you go from 4 10 to 7 1 in
00:16:42
a year right that's three feet I imagine
00:16:44
that didn't feel too good
00:16:46
good God man oh God's crazy but imagine
00:16:50
mad scientist when he was a dwarf yes he
00:16:53
had a big pipe and he thought look at me
00:16:55
yeah 10 at 7-1 not so big anymore see
00:16:57
it's all about it's all about
00:16:59
perspective that's right people ask me
00:17:00
all the time they're like oh Brad
00:17:01
dwarves they got big dicks go no but on
00:17:03
but on me it looks [ __ ] huge yeah 100
00:17:05
yeah I've seen Brad lean forward with no
00:17:08
hands like a kickstand yeah I've seen
00:17:10
him do it I can't fall over it's nuts
00:17:12
it's nuts we both wobble but they don't
00:17:14
fall down can I make another observation
00:17:16
man I I feel like I'm not an uppity
00:17:18
Asian like there's there's Comics right
00:17:21
that are like losing up at the Asian I
00:17:22
don't want to name it name names well
00:17:25
you know he's a talented guy and I like
00:17:26
him right but Ronnie Chang you think
00:17:29
he's an up in the Asian I to me in my my
00:17:31
circle of I mean you mean he's very
00:17:34
judgy of people like no no I just think
00:17:36
he's elevated uh you know what I mean
00:17:38
like you can't like go up to him and do
00:17:40
an accent or whatever right right right
00:17:41
but I feel like Peter Dinklage is umpity
00:17:44
right you're you're like more like me
00:17:46
like we could take jokes and stuff is
00:17:48
what I'm saying this is interesting you
00:17:49
think dinky would be a dinky
00:17:52
why so horrible I was trying to give him
00:17:55
a nickname
00:17:57
you think little dinkler you think
00:18:00
Dinklage would be an uppity uh dwarf
00:18:03
like if Brad made a joke because here's
00:18:04
the deal yeah Brad one one of our our
00:18:06
long long long long long buddies he's
00:18:09
able to make great jokes about himself
00:18:10
take the piss of himself as we say to
00:18:12
kind of like lighten the load of the
00:18:14
world right yeah and obviously wants to
00:18:16
be treated with respect but give me
00:18:18
another Apple box yes but the guy's got
00:18:20
a great sense of humor about it but do
00:18:22
you think right that's a valid question
00:18:24
do you think Dinklage imagine okay look
00:18:26
yeah you're on a set of a movie yeah you
00:18:27
go up to Peter yeah and you're like hey
00:18:29
man great to me he's like hey and you
00:18:31
throw out a classic Brad joke yeah yeah
00:18:33
you know you've got him [ __ ] in the
00:18:35
chamber I know you do and he looks at
00:18:37
you and is like I don't really [ __ ] with
00:18:39
that [ __ ] do you think that would be him
00:18:40
or do you think he'd laugh along and
00:18:41
make a joke with you I think he I think
00:18:42
that might be him because he's the guy
00:18:44
that when he hosted Saturday Night Live
00:18:45
he told the writers no dwarf jokes in
00:18:48
the entire show so none of the sketches
00:18:50
have anything to do with him being a
00:18:51
little person it's never wow and you if
00:18:54
you went you got to Hostess oh fire away
00:18:56
yeah oh people with the cast members
00:18:58
would have a cannon they would lean on
00:18:59
them
00:19:04
yeah yeah I would play the part of Pete
00:19:06
Davidson's dick
00:19:07
[Laughter]
00:19:09
now see but that's I look I I think I
00:19:12
understand his prerogative but like sure
00:19:14
I get the perspective of shooting on
00:19:16
ourselves it's way more fun it's way
00:19:18
more fun in that in kind of like what
00:19:21
you said it it takes the bullets out of
00:19:23
the other person's gun because oh now
00:19:25
now you can't make fun of me for this
00:19:27
because I'm already doing it right so I
00:19:30
like doing it but obviously I'm I'm not
00:19:32
one to tell Peter that he's doing it
00:19:33
wrong he's amazingly successful and
00:19:35
talented yeah he knows what he's doing
00:19:36
that's one of the reasons yeah and yeah
00:19:38
he's not on bad friends and also and yet
00:19:41
he did that Gary Oldman movie oh yes you
00:19:45
mean the most offensive movie ever yeah
00:19:46
yeah he did the most tiptoes
00:19:49
in the most offensive movie ever made
00:19:52
you would have done that movie oh where
00:19:54
did everyone where did the trailer
00:19:55
tipped of get where Gary Oldman did
00:19:58
short leg Yeah Yeah we've shown it on
00:20:01
this show yeah because we know how much
00:20:02
you love tiptoes in fact one of the
00:20:04
searches the top searches tiptoes movie
00:20:06
clip from our show yeah
00:20:17
yeah just
00:20:19
Andrew Santino rips tip says Gary Oldman
00:20:23
can act his way out of a paperback guy
00:20:25
can act did you see the movie I did I I
00:20:28
I watched it and reviewed it for they
00:20:31
have to it's a problem yeah hey never
00:20:34
find yourself in this scenario that it
00:20:36
that is why we watched 100 teaching a
00:20:39
lesson it's the worst [ __ ] movie ever
00:20:40
it but like there's so much [ __ ] I could
00:20:43
break down about that movie that's just
00:20:45
like like the way some people watch The
00:20:47
Godfather I watch tiptoes for the exact
00:20:50
opposite reasons wow to just break it
00:20:52
down it's a case study yeah what is the
00:20:54
most offensive thing about the movie oh
00:20:56
well I mean aside from the Gary Oldman
00:20:58
yeah uh Gary Oldman being on his knees
00:21:01
and his arms uh like in his shoulders
00:21:03
pinned back so his arm so his arms are
00:21:06
smaller that's pretty [ __ ] wrong yeah
00:21:08
yeah uh but then what was the other one
00:21:11
um they they went to a they they went to
00:21:13
an all dwarf party oh right during that
00:21:17
one all right that's where Peter England
00:21:19
was right yeah yeah and uh in the world
00:21:21
of Peter dinklage's accent was very
00:21:23
offensive because he was like saying it
00:21:26
was like like he he said something that
00:21:28
and then his accent wasn't consistent
00:21:30
the entire that's a pretty good dwarf
00:21:31
dance
00:21:33
that's McConaughey he's not a daughter
00:21:35
oh I'm sorry my path oh that's makani
00:21:37
and there's multiple Oscar winners in
00:21:40
this movie in the world in the world of
00:21:42
let's not prop tiptoes up anymore yeah
00:21:45
in the world of wokeness but it's
00:21:47
available on Amazon Prime let's see the
00:21:50
worst movie ever it's available
00:21:52
and equality yeah do you think there
00:21:56
should be an all dwarf movie
00:21:59
I mean or show or TV show show yeah I
00:22:03
I'm actually I'm pitching one of those
00:22:05
right now and no and no tallies
00:22:08
I mean they're gonna be the victims
00:22:10
there it is ah yeah victims of what like
00:22:13
murder yeah it's all dwarf murder show
00:22:16
it's a dwarf murder yeah we're we're you
00:22:20
know Murder podcasts are real big so
00:22:22
we're trying to do like all right there
00:22:24
needs to be a dwarf dwarf serial killer
00:22:26
has there has there ever been one I mean
00:22:28
maybe not killer but definitely like
00:22:31
uh ACL Terror or something like that
00:22:36
I don't know I put one guy also known as
00:22:39
epicito orejudo the big-eared [ __ ] was
00:22:43
an Argentinian serial killer who
00:22:45
terrorized
00:22:47
say it again say it say it how you're
00:22:49
supposed to say it
00:22:52
the big-aired [ __ ] was an Argentinian
00:22:55
serial killer who say that again there's
00:22:57
no I'm reading Wikipedia there's no way
00:22:59
to say that without laughing now I know
00:23:00
that's his name now I know how I will
00:23:03
identify bad friends fans in the
00:23:05
audiences of my stand-ups
00:23:11
so this guy was a serial killer in
00:23:14
Argentina when he was 16 years old wow
00:23:16
go to his Wikipedia let's find out how
00:23:18
he died I want I want to see how he
00:23:21
would like I wish he would have been a
00:23:22
boxer and that's how it would have been
00:23:23
announced or like you know like a UFC
00:23:26
fighter
00:23:31
that's great where and how and he died
00:23:33
from what who killed him someone finally
00:23:36
got him back a curb it was too high yeah
00:23:38
somebody bumped into him all right so go
00:23:40
on that go zoom in to go zoom into his
00:23:42
photo and the thing below it it says how
00:23:43
many merch four murdered is that what it
00:23:45
says for murder that's a lot for him hey
00:23:47
that's a lot first this is my favorite
00:23:48
yeah four murdered two two assaulted
00:23:51
five attempted couldn't get the job done
00:23:54
this show is sponsored by better help
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unfortunately Andrew life doesn't come
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with the user manual so when it's not
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Andrew I'm getting old yeah you are yeah
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00:26:18
you know what that that actually makes
00:26:20
me proud that there are you're
00:26:22
represented yeah why don't you do a
00:26:24
biopic about this guy Brad I got to no I
00:26:27
don't know he's not Hispanic yeah he is
00:26:30
yeah he is I mean guys from Denver oh
00:26:33
yeah yeah yeah I'm from Orange County
00:26:37
but [ __ ] it well you're a Denver fan
00:26:39
yeah I'm a Denver fan that's what I
00:26:41
associate you sucks this year but I
00:26:42
forgot that you're from Orange County I
00:26:43
forget anybody's from oh I'm the whitest
00:26:45
of the white Orange County that that is
00:26:47
so white it is really it's unfortunate
00:26:50
yeah do you know where Orange County is
00:26:51
oh you've never been down there no you
00:26:54
would love it down there yeah why it's
00:26:55
all white
00:26:57
yeah it's what you love all Whitey
00:27:00
Whitey's no it's I don't know it's all
00:27:02
white it's wider than a lot of Asian my
00:27:05
high school in Orange County was 58
00:27:07
Asian what kind uh mostly Korean I'm in
00:27:10
good or bad oh okay
00:27:12
mostly Korean down there yeah but that's
00:27:15
funny because you're San Diego but there
00:27:17
I understand military kids uh down by
00:27:20
you mostly is what you got you grew up
00:27:22
with military kids right no you didn't
00:27:25
have a lot of military a lot of white
00:27:26
people but not military God bless that
00:27:29
was more like um Mira Mesa maybe right
00:27:32
right oh that's more that's North the
00:27:33
Poway now but um there was a lot of
00:27:35
whites a lot of whites yeah a lot of
00:27:37
whites and God bless you know what I
00:27:39
mean I love the whites great people all
00:27:41
right slow down
00:27:43
you don't so don't no you guys invented
00:27:45
electricity
00:27:47
you want to get into inventions
00:27:50
getting inventions what did Koreans
00:27:51
invent
00:27:53
[ __ ] that's a good one just put in there
00:27:56
I know I know Kim jong-un's haircut all
00:27:58
right so Koreans invented Internet cafe
00:28:00
okay great one be honest milk cartons
00:28:05
dude how how would we carry our milk
00:28:07
listen to this list you guys cheering
00:28:10
balloon sticks
00:28:12
you're like changing the game yeah yeah
00:28:15
what about the third MP what'd it say
00:28:18
MP3 MP3s okay oh that thing we never use
00:28:22
anymore but we did yeah for like an hour
00:28:24
yeah I don't know I I didn't hang your
00:28:27
head on cheering balloon sticks yeah
00:28:28
yeah last one was let's say milk cartons
00:28:31
milk and egg cartons God Bless yeah yeah
00:28:36
you've invented the wrap around TV so
00:28:39
you know watch your [ __ ] tone no I
00:28:41
just
00:28:43
suggesting man I know you're being
00:28:44
facetious Confucius say you're being
00:28:46
facetious are there any dwarf inventions
00:28:48
besides oh [ __ ] besides to Google that
00:28:50
besides like devices we have to use to
00:28:52
wipe our ass I was gonna say I bet you
00:28:54
guys by way of uh struggling through
00:28:56
things have to have invented some dope
00:28:57
[ __ ] I mean I've got a claw that like
00:29:00
closes my uh trunk of my car oh you do
00:29:03
really wait it's not hot no I I it's a
00:29:06
2014 and they didn't really have it so
00:29:08
you know what's crazy on the trunk of my
00:29:10
car yeah they have this thing for
00:29:11
they've been a lot of companies have
00:29:13
this now where let's say you have
00:29:14
groceries in your hand you can wave your
00:29:16
foot under the back bumper and it'll
00:29:18
close just by waving you for those
00:29:19
assets wow imagine you just oh I would
00:29:21
walk right under yeah yeah well I know
00:29:24
what you guys invented probably stilts
00:29:26
[Laughter]
00:29:29
lips shoe lips
00:29:31
gotta ride those roller coasters by the
00:29:34
way look at this guy yeah this is Carlos
00:29:35
our favorite he writes has a dwarf
00:29:38
invented anything
00:29:39
So Gone to send it yeah yeah
00:29:43
well German folklore uh oh
00:29:48
a dwarf has invented something uh I I I
00:29:51
do know one dwarf inventor not
00:29:53
necessarily an inventor but he all right
00:29:55
the map of the human body like how like
00:29:58
modern medicine like where the organs
00:30:01
are and everything like that was a dwarf
00:30:03
I think it was an Italian dwarf uh [ __ ]
00:30:06
I don't know his name but yeah look at
00:30:08
the Mia down here I've got the map of
00:30:10
the body
00:30:12
was it Mario yeah
00:30:27
dude how was that guy Italian and
00:30:30
Japanese at the exact same time yeah
00:30:31
they are how was Mario an Italian and
00:30:33
Japanese dwarf he was the first mixed
00:30:35
race couple that okay like it's so
00:30:37
Japanese he's amazing here we go do they
00:30:40
have Mario like in the Philippines yeah
00:30:42
we do what do they what game is it it's
00:30:44
the racing what was the original game
00:30:47
Mario was in this is great it's not
00:30:50
Leonardo who made the first diagram of
00:30:51
the human body Leonardo da Vinci he
00:30:53
wasn't down yeah how tall was Leonardo
00:30:56
yeah let's find this out because you
00:30:58
might you lie no no no no no
00:31:23
I forget what he did or what he
00:31:25
discovered or maybe it was like he did
00:31:27
it for the dwarf body
00:31:31
in Philadelphia There's a there's a
00:31:34
museum there called the mudder Museum of
00:31:37
medical Oddities and I went there
00:31:40
because we go to these cities multiple
00:31:41
times you get to see all the stuff and
00:31:42
you're like all right I gotta see
00:31:43
something different and I and I went to
00:31:45
that Museum and there's there's a full
00:31:48
like dwarf skeleton right as you walked
00:31:50
in it was weird it's just a skeleton of
00:31:53
a dwarf yeah and it was my type of
00:31:55
dwarfism so like everyone else was there
00:31:57
like probably thought I was checking on
00:31:58
my grandfather or something
00:32:02
that would have been what's your type I
00:32:05
have bro I know yeah bro bro yeah that
00:32:10
yeah that's it Honey I shrunk Brad Brad
00:32:13
what is the type of dwarfism you have I
00:32:15
have a chondroplasia it's the most
00:32:18
common yes
00:32:22
would that skeleton even scare you
00:32:25
it's so cute I literally want one fancy
00:32:28
loves it it's like
00:32:30
bro if that thing came from the grave
00:32:32
yeah right we wouldn't be scared
00:32:36
oh my God that's the cutest thing I've
00:32:38
ever seen oh I'm gonna discover
00:32:41
wow whatever dwarf uh organization is
00:32:45
gonna get us for this oh I know right
00:32:48
LPA LPA little people of America yeah
00:32:51
yeah they're getting us wait there there
00:32:52
is one yeah yeah they're called Little
00:32:55
People of America yes and they have
00:32:57
power
00:32:58
[Laughter]
00:33:14
you've heard of Reaching Across the
00:33:16
aisle yeah it's that technically used to
00:33:18
be called Reaching Across the aisle over
00:33:20
the dwarfs which is what it was that's
00:33:22
how rude it was they have no lobbying
00:33:23
power what's up yeah LPS little people
00:33:25
of America yeah wow make no mistake Brad
00:33:28
is someone we love and respect we love
00:33:29
just having fun LPA his wife is
00:33:31
beautiful he's a great stand-up I don't
00:33:33
view him as anything
00:33:35
oh that sounds terrible I don't view him
00:33:39
as anything I don't exist
00:33:42
that out I don't know leave that in
00:33:44
that's what I'm saying you have to leave
00:33:46
it in yeah you're like not even a human
00:33:50
to me
00:33:51
come on I will say this though being
00:33:54
buddies with Brad and going out to
00:33:55
dinner with Brad in the real world
00:33:57
you've never eaten together have you no
00:33:59
no I think we have we must have one time
00:34:01
at the Colusa Casino that's right yeah
00:34:05
we had a dinner and that's when I saw
00:34:07
your penis so basically Bradley and
00:34:10
yours is bigger yeah that's right yeah
00:34:12
yeah this is sad for me I mean Brad and
00:34:14
I went out well we've gone multiple
00:34:15
times and and steak and I will say this
00:34:17
about [ __ ] brat
00:34:19
LP aside this [ __ ] yep can
00:34:24
[ __ ] eat it's insane and he'll go
00:34:27
he'll do a singer he's like no no no I
00:34:29
had less I'm smaller than you guys nah
00:34:31
that guy had more than I had wants to
00:34:33
pay half that's what he says I pay less
00:34:35
I eat lessons it makes sense guy gets a
00:34:37
Tomahawk Steak yeah finishes the whole
00:34:39
thing I'm not kidding like 32 ounces wow
00:34:41
yeah yeah doesn't even [ __ ] think
00:34:42
twice Yeah well yeah I get a baseball
00:34:45
filet this guy's [ __ ] he's got the
00:34:47
whole cow in front of him it's a
00:34:49
Napoleon complex I feel like I have to
00:34:51
prove myself every time you do you think
00:34:52
every time we go out for steak you
00:34:53
finish like I ask you about Napoleon
00:34:55
sure I don't know anything about it I
00:34:58
know but because I've heard that before
00:35:00
pretend you do yeah yeah they say
00:35:02
Napoleon complex so you assume that
00:35:05
Napoleon was small he was always he was
00:35:08
like five six yeah that's average height
00:35:10
for the eight for that for that era yeah
00:35:12
right so what's why did they say
00:35:13
Napoleon complex there's a there's a
00:35:16
story behind it like it was like that's
00:35:19
how his enemies made fun of them and
00:35:20
then that's the like that's the rumor
00:35:23
that just spread but he you you're right
00:35:25
he wasn't actually that small well they
00:35:27
call him small man syndrome apparently
00:35:28
he was a tinier man so he might have
00:35:30
been five six but he wasn't like thick
00:35:33
at all skinny so a skinny five six is
00:35:36
small that's quite small that's true
00:35:37
yeah yeah you know like Carlos
00:35:40
I'll tell you Carlos five six five but
00:35:43
Carlos is like uh cancer skinny right
00:35:47
like sick skinny right yeah like
00:35:49
something yeah yeah like it's something
00:35:50
happened something happened yeah I
00:35:52
didn't even know that stage four
00:35:53
something you don't know how skinny you
00:35:54
are you're the skinniest person I've
00:35:55
ever met in my [ __ ] life are you
00:35:56
serious how much do you weigh
00:35:58
like 1 30.
00:36:00
that's the same weight that's me in
00:36:03
sixth grade that's right yeah it spreads
00:36:04
130 pounds I'm four four and I'm the
00:36:06
same way you weigh the same as a 4-4 man
00:36:09
yeah so obviously so yeah obviously this
00:36:12
is a wake-up call well wake up start
00:36:14
beefing up buddy okay no you are you've
00:36:17
always been thin since I've known you
00:36:18
you've never been you've never even been
00:36:19
like pudgy yeah I think I like I would
00:36:22
fluctuate a little bit but no but not
00:36:25
like now are you one of those guys that
00:36:26
and you could eat like anything and then
00:36:28
the next day like it you never gain
00:36:30
weight no I'm actually just super strict
00:36:32
about what I eat he's got a eating
00:36:34
disorder okay oh like he doesn't just
00:36:36
say it does he I probably have a small
00:36:38
one honestly yeah like you like very
00:36:40
constant like you feel like when you eat
00:36:41
something unhealthy when you eat
00:36:43
something unhealthy you're like bad
00:36:44
Carlos yeah yeah I feel like [ __ ] that's
00:36:46
not good Bobby do you do that what what
00:36:49
do you need something unhealthy are you
00:36:50
like bad Bobby no yeah no would you just
00:36:53
have to eat for now when we just had
00:36:54
dinner we had eggs bacon and oh yeah
00:36:58
crepes
00:36:59
Nutella and you had little sausage bits
00:37:01
I love little sausages and toast yeah
00:37:03
yeah and bread and you had some of Max's
00:37:05
pasta yeah it was good Brad let me ask
00:37:08
something yeah number one I have two
00:37:11
questions okay number one um six inches
00:37:16
I'm a Believer okay you said you're four
00:37:18
four no yeah no oh yeah yeah go on okay
00:37:23
um during when you were growing up like
00:37:24
in middle school high school and when
00:37:27
this time of year came about right were
00:37:29
you bullied at all in in any way or no
00:37:31
teased it wasn't this time of year it
00:37:34
was any time all year yeah you were yeah
00:37:36
all year like what would be something
00:37:38
that really scarred you oh geez uh uh
00:37:42
well like what but see here's the thing
00:37:45
is I was always and it's kind of why I'm
00:37:47
a halfway decent comedian is that I
00:37:49
would literally write jokes at home and
00:37:53
like I would write comebacks so like
00:37:55
when kids would make fun of me I would
00:37:57
like I would literally like do research
00:37:59
on them and like write jokes about him
00:38:01
and then when they made fun of me like I
00:38:03
would make fun of them and then I would
00:38:04
have the better joke you were made to
00:38:05
roast yeah yeah yeah yeah so like
00:38:07
there's I mean it's it's a story one of
00:38:10
my specials but it's true there was when
00:38:11
I went to kindergarten my dad had kind
00:38:13
of told me that this was going to happen
00:38:14
so like we wrote jokes together and this
00:38:18
kid like ran up to be in kindergarten
00:38:19
when like haha you're little and I just
00:38:21
said haha your mom doesn't live with
00:38:22
your dad anymore oh I love it because
00:38:25
you can go there yeah and then yeah go
00:38:28
for the jugular I love it I grew up in
00:38:30
Orange County so I had about a 75 chance
00:38:31
of giving that right so yeah I did and
00:38:35
then the kid cried and I got sent to the
00:38:36
principal's office because I had the
00:38:37
better joke wow yeah that's what's funny
00:38:39
you get sent to the principal office
00:38:40
when you have the better Joe yeah it's
00:38:42
not it's not who shot first no it's who
00:38:44
she was like oh who shot the kill yeah
00:38:46
and I shot the kill and then yeah and
00:38:48
then the principal actually called my
00:38:50
dad at work and then my dad answered and
00:38:53
then he said like well did my son start
00:38:55
it or did he finish it and then the Pres
00:38:58
then the principal goes well he finished
00:38:59
it and my dad goes well I got no problem
00:39:01
with that click oh it was good dad you
00:39:03
know what I love about it is that you
00:39:05
use your your defense mechanisms and
00:39:08
survival techniques and you turned it
00:39:10
into a career yeah that's [ __ ]
00:39:12
amazing it's kind of cool yeah it's cool
00:39:14
man yeah yeah kind of like been training
00:39:15
to be a comedian since day one yeah
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draftking Sportsbook oh I love betting
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00:40:13
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displayed oh my God displayed is a
00:40:19
one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to
00:40:21
capture your unique passions and I gotta
00:40:23
tell you they sent us a bunch of these
00:40:25
and these are so cool they're nice and
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heavy and durable which is beautiful
00:40:28
remember as a kid you would have posters
00:40:30
yeah and they would always rip apart and
00:40:32
fall apart and stuff I wish I had this
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look at in the back you just put these
00:40:37
beautiful wall and yeah it's a magnet
00:40:39
and you just push it on the walls easy
00:40:41
and look at how nice this is It's never
00:40:43
gonna get bent or crusted up but the
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corners never gonna get all cut up they
00:40:46
sent us a bunch of these Bobby medley
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wanted this one um and I gotta tell you
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they have both branded and artistic
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artwork they have over a million designs
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available for everybody they got Marvel
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it's signed you can see right there
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they're also eco-friendly Andrew for
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every design so they are planting one
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tree whoa Leo would like that I think
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that's awesome and right now display is
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00:41:46
what is Williams are you Irish uh it's
00:41:50
like I'm a hodgepodge of a bunch of
00:41:52
different things like Dutch Welch by the
00:41:54
way hodgepodge is a great new name for
00:41:55
little people yeah that Gaggle
00:41:58
hodgepodge is over there the cackle
00:42:00
what is a group what is a group of
00:42:03
dwarves called oh minions right
00:42:06
insane we'll never not bring it back but
00:42:09
I can't do better than that joke that's
00:42:11
pretty good what's a group of five
00:42:12
what's a group of redhead it's called oh
00:42:14
you're called a knot of dwarves a knot a
00:42:16
knot okay I know that doesn't I don't
00:42:18
like that oh you time together if they
00:42:20
get out of control
00:42:20
[Laughter]
00:42:24
and then what do you call a group of
00:42:26
redheads
00:42:27
escapes it's a slip knot
00:42:29
okay what's a group of redheads Brad
00:42:32
a
00:42:34
technical term for the fetish of
00:42:36
redheads is rudophilia oh that's a
00:42:38
fetish a ginger fetus oh yeah so but
00:42:40
there goes a bunch of Rudy's is there an
00:42:41
Asian fetish
00:42:42
is that even a real [ __ ] question
00:42:44
it's called the internet the Asian male
00:42:46
fetish it's called the internet no women
00:42:48
no uh Asian women are fetishized but not
00:42:51
Asian men well because you guys aren't
00:42:52
you guys aren't at the thing you know
00:42:53
what about the thing what's it called a
00:42:55
large group of Asian people
00:42:57
[Laughter]
00:43:06
it's not a sushi motivation yeah well
00:43:10
you know that it does make sense because
00:43:11
you guys are all layered on top of each
00:43:12
other when you're together a noodle of
00:43:13
Asians like a pride of lines or a litter
00:43:15
kittens
00:43:17
I love how it gives you practical user I
00:43:19
couldn't take a photo of that statue
00:43:20
because there was a noodle evasions all
00:43:21
around it it's insane that somebody
00:43:23
wrote that on the internet the internet
00:43:25
is so [ __ ] insane you know what's
00:43:27
offensive to that about it is is that
00:43:29
you know Rice and Noodles are always
00:43:32
associated with Asians but there's so
00:43:34
many cultures that use those things not
00:43:36
as good as you guys yeah what do you
00:43:37
mean but you can do it the best yeah we
00:43:40
do Rice the best uh yes I agree yes yes
00:43:43
oh so you've been to like a restaurant
00:43:45
like go to a [ __ ] white person's
00:43:47
house if the rice is gonna be [ __ ] it's
00:43:49
gonna be [ __ ] rice right you go to an
00:43:51
Asia can your wife make some [ __ ]
00:43:52
bomb ass right [ __ ] yeah different story
00:43:54
dude way different you don't know man
00:43:55
you go to what noodles though we can't
00:43:57
whites don't do do it that's spaghetti
00:44:00
that's different that's not a noodle
00:44:01
Pasta Pasta is a noodle it's pasta are
00:44:05
they two different things two different
00:44:05
things what's the difference Italians
00:44:07
don't make noodles they make pasta you
00:44:08
guys make noodles right oh so you never
00:44:10
go can I get us uh noodles with
00:44:12
meatballs
00:44:15
all right you're right like an adult
00:44:18
noodles are usually made with flour
00:44:19
milled from common wheat pasta is
00:44:21
processed from Durham salmonella
00:44:23
semolina which is of course salmonella
00:44:26
no no semolina which of course are than
00:44:28
typical flour okay so big you make
00:44:31
noodles we make pasta okay Olive Garden
00:44:34
right that's their slogan what do you
00:44:37
prefer Brad noodles or pasta noodles
00:44:39
[ __ ] yeah man I I would have said pasta
00:44:42
eight years ago but then I met my wife
00:44:44
and then she made noodles the right way
00:44:46
and I'm just like oh this is way better
00:44:48
pasta for me 100 what do you say Throw
00:44:50
Some fur 100 pasta all right you know
00:44:52
[ __ ] you guys in a cold winter day I'm
00:44:55
gonna ask the room cold winter day right
00:44:57
would you rather have a bowl of
00:44:59
spaghetti like we have right now in
00:45:01
Southern California cold winter day 58
00:45:03
degrees Yeah Yeah chilly winter day or
00:45:06
would you rather have a nice roll of
00:45:08
ramen
00:45:09
I had by the way you're you're
00:45:11
relegating it just a spaghetti I had
00:45:13
fettuccine with short rib last night
00:45:16
so you can go [ __ ] yourself with that
00:45:18
bowl around in fact we actually said do
00:45:20
you want Ramen me and the old lady said
00:45:22
do you want Ramen I said what if we get
00:45:24
that place that we really love and get
00:45:26
some fettuccine with some short rib and
00:45:28
some of that [ __ ] olive bread all
00:45:29
right come on I guess what happened
00:45:31
today how about you what happened today
00:45:33
when you ripped up when I ripped that
00:45:34
bread and I dipped it in Fred's pasta
00:45:35
what'd you say
00:45:37
Don't make me say it say it
00:45:39
was good so [ __ ] good because I don't
00:45:42
want any bread I ripped the bread in
00:45:43
half I dip some of the pasta sauce I put
00:45:45
it on his plate you can enjoy both nah
00:45:47
we're Superior
00:45:49
pasta over noodles look there's other
00:45:51
things that that we can we have udon too
00:45:53
that's a good thing udon's fine not as
00:45:55
good ramen over udon what about Far Far
00:45:58
So [ __ ] whoa nobody likes Fun by the
00:46:02
way you're getting canceled [ __ ] right
00:46:03
[ __ ] is the same fat fuzz like Pinkberry
00:46:05
everybody was like whoa and then like a
00:46:07
year later everyone was like [ __ ] this
00:46:09
[ __ ] this stinks fuzz whack there's no
00:46:11
flavor profile glass glass noodles are
00:46:13
whack see here's my thing about pho you
00:46:16
can't go get it at a place that has a
00:46:18
funny name they all have [ __ ] no you
00:46:20
just gotta go to a place that says [ __ ]
00:46:22
yeah if that if that if that's all it
00:46:24
says it's good but if the name of their
00:46:26
restaurant is phobulous go [ __ ] yourself
00:46:28
or whatever the hell nah it's not gonna
00:46:30
be good the proof in the pudding is that
00:46:32
Pho has not lasted culturally longer
00:46:33
than I thought it was going to thought
00:46:35
it was going to keep humming along you
00:46:37
don't like crafty names
00:46:38
I like crafty names the comedian me in
00:46:41
in me likes it yeah but the in my in my
00:46:45
experience the food is better at the
00:46:47
place like no we don't have time is that
00:46:49
psychological like this guy you know I
00:46:51
mean but let me let me say this okay
00:46:52
what do people do to you we've actually
00:46:54
you and I have had this personal
00:46:55
conversation for real one people what
00:46:58
what's the thing that people do the most
00:46:59
like at a restaurant when you go that
00:47:01
bothers you the most that's something
00:47:02
they treat you like oh Jesus or what
00:47:04
they say uh uh uh someone always makes
00:47:06
the joke
00:47:07
uh uh
00:47:09
kids menu yeah kids menu they always
00:47:12
make that joke booster seat you said one
00:47:14
time yeah oh and then uh your friends
00:47:17
make that joke no I'm just like ignoring
00:47:19
people people like people in general
00:47:21
that and like once you become known as a
00:47:23
comedian one day you'll get there Bobby
00:47:25
one once
00:47:30
okay please do
00:47:33
um but like once you become known as a
00:47:34
comedian people just people when they
00:47:36
meet you just think they could
00:47:37
automatically get to that level of okay
00:47:39
we're joking with you so like I've had
00:47:41
the thing where like the host of the
00:47:43
restaurant recognizes me and then like
00:47:45
looks at the group of four and goes so
00:47:47
three and a half oh my God and you're
00:47:50
just like you son of a [ __ ]
00:47:55
you told me one time a guy said to you
00:47:57
you were getting I think it was outside
00:47:59
a Ray's old place and you were getting
00:48:01
in your car and I think that's where it
00:48:04
was and a guy said to you you need help
00:48:06
getting in yeah yeah yeah oh no what I
00:48:10
get in the car would you ever [ __ ]
00:48:12
have the like why would you ever go up
00:48:15
to someone and say that I don't know no
00:48:18
you would no you would never help no I
00:48:21
was just thinking about something else
00:48:22
sorry that made me laugh say it I can't
00:48:24
say it and I really mean it though go
00:48:26
ahead I'm about to say it please dude we
00:48:28
[ __ ] and fight him to Magic Mountain so
00:48:30
he can hold our stuff while we're on the
00:48:31
right
00:48:34
you know because the wall and stuff like
00:48:36
he could be that guy yeah yeah I'm your
00:48:38
own locker you're my life yeah yeah yeah
00:48:39
if you guys want to rent a locker you've
00:48:41
never been there on one oh I've been
00:48:43
there's like there's four rides I can't
00:48:45
ride because I'm which are the four you
00:48:47
can't okay X2 no I can write X2 you can
00:48:50
yeah that's a that's 48 inches it it's
00:48:53
the ones that are 52 inch or 54 inch
00:48:56
I'll tell you what's [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:48:57
required let me make a statement right
00:48:59
now that I stand by good the fact that
00:49:01
you're born with this yeah it is
00:49:03
unhelpable all right it is something
00:49:05
that you you cannot control right and
00:49:07
they haven't [ __ ] rigged a way to
00:49:09
make a seat mechanism so you can ride
00:49:11
the ride as an adult it pisses me off
00:49:14
because you get on a [ __ ] airplane
00:49:15
you can ask for nine seat belt
00:49:17
extensions something they can help a lot
00:49:20
more than you I'm not saying all of them
00:49:21
but they can help that out a lot more
00:49:22
than you can but you're just [ __ ] yeah
00:49:25
and the even more [ __ ] up part about
00:49:27
it is the type of dwarfism I have my
00:49:30
torso is average size yeah so they're
00:49:32
making this judgment based on well if
00:49:34
you're 52 like your torso smaller like
00:49:37
because your torso's puny because you're
00:49:39
skinny as [ __ ] yeah you don't know he
00:49:42
got slipped right out of a ride yeah
00:49:43
yeah he like he can do it but then like
00:49:46
most people uh when like I go to the
00:49:50
barber chair or I go to a restaurant
00:49:51
they go you need a booster seat and I go
00:49:52
no [ __ ] and then I sit down and I'm
00:49:54
just as tall as everybody right because
00:49:56
your torso yeah you saw my legs kick out
00:49:58
and you laughed I saw that don't do it
00:50:00
again because he's gonna he's gonna keep
00:50:01
looking at it he gotta do it again that
00:50:04
wasn't it when you fart does your legs
00:50:06
go up like that
00:50:09
imagine imagine when he shits when you
00:50:11
[ __ ] on the toilet how fun would that be
00:50:14
every time I [ __ ]
00:50:17
I'm just saying I'm gonna stand by what
00:50:19
I said I think if they're going to make
00:50:20
exception for people that are overweight
00:50:22
and they say well it's a it's a
00:50:23
condition for them Health they can't
00:50:24
fight that's you know they can't help it
00:50:26
he's like well then you can't help this
00:50:28
disability why isn't there a functioning
00:50:30
thing that makes it so you could ride
00:50:32
rides and do all that [ __ ] yeah you do
00:50:35
that with your car you show me your car
00:50:36
yeah it's all tricked out the the weird
00:50:38
part is when like so I've been to a
00:50:41
public bathroom before where like all
00:50:43
the toilets are high but then they have
00:50:45
the handicap toilet on the side I'm like
00:50:47
okay cool I'm gonna go to the handicap
00:50:48
toilet I didn't realize that the
00:50:50
handicapped toilets a lot of the times
00:50:51
are higher yeah but they just have the
00:50:53
bars right so now I'm doing like a
00:50:55
gymnast routine
00:50:57
back myself up on the toilet
00:51:01
[ __ ] I mean yeah the yeah when I get
00:51:05
into a hotel shower the amount the
00:51:08
amount of times I've had to like
00:51:10
Cirque de mager up the wall to like make
00:51:13
the spout actually Point down oh that
00:51:16
must be a thing yeah because not because
00:51:18
sometimes I turn in the water and it's
00:51:20
just hit in the back wall and I'm like I
00:51:21
got nothing so how do you get up there
00:51:23
you get a chair in there or something I
00:51:24
[ __ ] up I've literally called the
00:51:26
front desk and had them send somebody up
00:51:28
no and like lower the shower head
00:51:31
because I'm like I can't take a shower
00:51:32
[ __ ] you and I don't wanna I Don't Wanna
00:51:34
Die Trying to climb up there and then
00:51:38
slip how'd Brad die well the shower
00:51:41
wasn't I'm not gonna believe this yeah
00:51:42
but if I read that on Deadline though
00:51:50
it's strange you say that I think about
00:51:52
that [ __ ] all the time like there are so
00:51:55
many ways
00:51:57
for me to die and it's hilarious like
00:51:59
just because I'm a little person yeah
00:52:01
like give me example oh
00:52:11
they'll type something like yeah the
00:52:12
truck ran over the Mini Cooper like yeah
00:52:15
yeah I'm falling off a ladder like a or
00:52:18
or if you died on the 405 your body ends
00:52:20
up on the five
00:52:25
a little person
00:52:28
but yeah it's like there's like unless
00:52:32
it's like old age or of a disease in the
00:52:35
bed like like that's the only way it's
00:52:37
not funny if if I die any other way it's
00:52:40
fun tell me this has there ever been a
00:52:42
dwarf uh pro athlete I mean come on man
00:52:46
what I'm being serious that's crazy okay
00:52:48
there was a guy named scaramontalu I
00:52:51
can't spell that what's his name scaramu
00:52:53
is he the guy that uh drew the first uh
00:52:56
anatomy of a body
00:52:58
Turkish weightlifter see I told you
00:53:01
there was there's one it's a Google
00:53:03
dwarf pro athletes because there's got
00:53:06
to be more than one yeah and by the way
00:53:07
do you do do most
00:53:09
LPS does not like LP anymore is that
00:53:12
gone is it dwarf now
00:53:14
what's the preferred little person in LP
00:53:17
or like the two like you're you're safe
00:53:20
LPS yeah you're absolutely so dwarf I
00:53:23
thought is safe now no yeah like unless
00:53:26
they don't have dwarfism not all of them
00:53:27
outdoor yes oh yes Eddie Goodell yes
00:53:29
Eddie Goodell yeah professional baseball
00:53:31
player I remember I remember him had one
00:53:33
at bat Yep this is real that's a real
00:53:35
photo yeah there's no way yeah yeah yeah
00:53:37
yeah yes
00:53:39
yeah played uh had one at bat St Louis
00:53:43
Brown's doubleheader 1951 weighing 60
00:53:45
pounds standing three feet seven inches
00:53:47
tall just so we can walk away crazy they
00:53:50
brought him into a baseball game so we
00:53:51
so we could get away let me tell you
00:53:52
zoom into what Lewis Brown's owner Bill
00:53:54
Vex said uh zoom in right there as in
00:53:57
wreck said of Goodell he was by golly
00:53:59
the best damn [ __ ] that ever played
00:54:00
the big league ball he was he was also
00:54:02
the only one I love that he threw it up
00:54:04
by golly was it like a Rudy situation
00:54:06
where like let him play one game yeah
00:54:09
essentially born in Chicago by the way
00:54:11
died in Chicago my man I want Rudy to
00:54:13
try to be a part of the show right now
00:54:14
why don't you talk to Brad and ask some
00:54:16
questions and say hi and be honest about
00:54:19
because you don't you've only seen them
00:54:20
in the tukdukes or whatever that thing
00:54:23
that you're wrong it doesn't have to be
00:54:25
about Brad being important you can just
00:54:27
talk to Brad and say hi right so just
00:54:28
ask any questions about life be a part
00:54:31
of the show again okay hi Brad hi nice
00:54:34
to meet you nice to meet you in person
00:54:36
finally it's good so far
00:54:38
um I want to know how you met your wife
00:54:41
I'm curious love this I love it
00:54:44
about seven years ago I I decided to
00:54:47
take a brief Hiatus from stand-up comedy
00:54:49
I got offered a morning radio show in
00:54:52
San Francisco California and I had to
00:54:54
move there to do the show so I moved
00:54:56
there and uh we're doing the show and me
00:55:00
and two two other people who are now
00:55:01
down here in La Uh Kevin Klein and Ali
00:55:05
they are now on K-Rock but I was doing a
00:55:07
show with them and uh I didn't know
00:55:09
anybody because I had to move to San
00:55:10
Francisco and we in order to meet people
00:55:12
we decided to play a game called Tinder
00:55:15
or grinder
00:55:16
every day I would flip a coin based on
00:55:18
when it lands on I have to go on either
00:55:19
a Tinder date or a grinder date
00:55:21
it's insane insane it's awesome and that
00:55:24
and that was to meet people first day I
00:55:26
flipped the coin it landed on Grindr oh
00:55:28
and I made and I made a profile and I'm
00:55:30
this is so great that I'm on this
00:55:32
podcast on the story I made a profile
00:55:34
and I immediately matched up with a very
00:55:36
large red-headed bearded man who told me
00:55:41
to only refer to him as ginger bear
00:55:42
we've been friends for seven years I
00:55:45
think it's a [ __ ] coincidence he's
00:55:47
ginger bear I'm gummy bear let's do this
00:55:49
[ __ ] so side note if I was on that radio
00:55:53
staff yeah I would have waited that coin
00:55:55
so you got the grinder side every
00:55:57
[ __ ] time every time go ahead though
00:55:59
so you're flipping a coin yeah so I went
00:56:01
on a date with ginger bear it was a
00:56:03
great date uh gave me a lot of sympathy
00:56:06
for women because I had no sexual
00:56:07
interest in this man whatsoever but at
00:56:09
the end of the night I kind of felt like
00:56:10
I owed him something
00:56:11
uh give a little tug yeah well you don't
00:56:13
make eye contact yeah you just look the
00:56:15
other way that's fine so but the next
00:56:17
day we're like all right we're gonna
00:56:18
play Tinder grinder again and then a
00:56:20
listener called in and said yeah you
00:56:22
guys doing Tinder grinder you you should
00:56:24
try thrinder
00:56:26
and we're like what's thrinder and
00:56:27
they're like oh that's Tinder for people
00:56:29
trying to have threesomes and I'm like
00:56:31
okay I'm in and just so you know I'm not
00:56:35
lying uh Tinder sued them for copyright
00:56:37
infringement the app is no longer called
00:56:39
thrinder it's called field f-e-e-l-d
00:56:41
you're welcome so I I go on the app I
00:56:45
match with two women we're all gonna go
00:56:47
on a date together one of the women does
00:56:49
not show up for whatever reason I went
00:56:51
on a date with just the other one and
00:56:52
two years after that date I proposed to
00:56:55
that woman because when you find a hot
00:56:57
Asian that is into three ways you lock
00:56:59
that [ __ ] down so have you ever tried a
00:57:03
threesome yeah that's how we met his
00:57:05
[ __ ] wife you think she wants to do
00:57:06
it yes yes not every day it's not every
00:57:09
week it's not in every month but every
00:57:10
now and then it's great that's cool
00:57:11
that's good yeah with another girl yes
00:57:14
whatever I got another guy never a guy
00:57:16
I've been invited over
00:57:18
she likes you Andrew I've been invited
00:57:21
over you're very cute no but this guy by
00:57:23
the way when when we went bowling uh
00:57:26
when we were in that bowling league at
00:57:27
the [ __ ] Roosevelt or yeah yeah his
00:57:30
wife came one time and you guys brought
00:57:32
a girl right or she was meeting you guys
00:57:33
there or something like that no idea
00:57:35
what you're talking about
00:57:36
right on right on anyway yeah hey Nicole
00:57:39
yeah they do
00:57:41
that's incredible the [ __ ] party
00:57:43
animals I love that yeah and and it's a
00:57:46
lot of fun because uh when people and
00:57:48
we're very successful when we try to do
00:57:49
that kind of thing because when people
00:57:51
see a a hot Asian and a dwarf I mean
00:57:53
you're clicking I'm clicking that's
00:57:55
everything on the bucket list like you
00:57:58
can't yeah it literally it's three for
00:57:59
three it's you have a dwarf you have an
00:58:01
Asian woman and it's a threesome it's
00:58:03
the three things that people are looking
00:58:04
for yeah I want to [ __ ] two other people
00:58:05
one's got one could be a dwarf would be
00:58:08
neat yeah an Asian woman yeah it's it's
00:58:11
great it's funny when I walk in Grand
00:58:12
Slam some porn I always sometimes every
00:58:14
once in a while I'll experiment
00:58:16
and I'll look up Asia I'm not Asian um
00:58:20
dwarf man right and whenever I can find
00:58:23
a dwarf man with you know just one guy
00:58:25
jerking off
00:58:27
making love to a woman okay right so
00:58:30
something about it I just it really does
00:58:32
it for me what do you think it is I
00:58:33
think maybe I relate to the dwarf man I
00:58:35
don't know what it is you see yourself I
00:58:37
think I see myself in them but I like
00:58:38
that be back to Rudy go ahead so yeah
00:58:40
that's how I met my wife okay next
00:58:42
question so good at this
00:58:45
I don't know I'm doing good I'm serious
00:58:48
you do great the first question was a
00:58:50
banger yeah you're good
00:58:52
um
00:58:53
don't be shy whatever comes whatever
00:58:55
comes to mind yeah whatever yeah yeah
00:58:57
yeah there's no limit There's No No
00:58:59
Holds Barred no wrong answers have you
00:59:02
tried
00:59:05
go
00:59:07
a dating app that that's only for little
00:59:11
people that's a good question that's a
00:59:13
good question good question I have not
00:59:15
tried it but there is one what's it
00:59:16
called what's it called hold on hold on
00:59:18
hold on let's go give us a chance
00:59:22
chance in there fumble
00:59:32
[Laughter]
00:59:39
oh my God
00:59:43
Bobby I take back every bad thing I've
00:59:45
ever said about you that was the
00:59:46
funniest thing I've ever heard in my
00:59:47
life oh my [ __ ] God if fumble
00:59:51
if that's not a publicly traded company
00:59:53
soon
00:59:55
fumble is so good Bob that's so great
00:59:58
wow fumble
00:59:59
yeah that that is right that is right up
01:00:02
there okay you know um Bobby do you ever
01:00:05
do the uh did you ever do the Opie and
01:00:08
Anthony show yeah okay a million times
01:00:10
Anthony one time I was on the show yeah
01:00:13
and they asked me if any dwarves get mad
01:00:17
at me because I do stand up and I say
01:00:19
the word [ __ ] and stuff like that yeah
01:00:21
and Anthony stops and goes yeah does
01:00:23
anyone call you an Uncle Tom Thumb
01:00:27
that's really you're right up there with
01:00:29
thumble yeah that's that's right there
01:00:32
that's great Bobby you still say the m
01:00:35
word yeah but I but what did I say all I
01:00:38
say all of it I say dwarf short stature
01:00:40
LP little person but I thought dwarf is
01:00:42
okay yeah m is not okay m is not okay
01:00:45
for a lot for a lot of people I would
01:00:46
say most don't like you to say m yeah
01:00:48
but see for me it's all about the
01:00:50
context and how you're using it because
01:00:52
and I told the story on Marin so I
01:00:54
apologize if you're hearing it for a
01:00:55
second time but when I I did a show in
01:00:58
Odessa Texas and there was a there's a
01:01:01
Heckler and we had to kick him out and
01:01:04
at the at the end of the night Show's
01:01:05
done uh I'm walking to the car with this
01:01:09
with this other comedian and we see that
01:01:11
these we see these lights turn on in its
01:01:13
truck and oh my God they start driving
01:01:16
towards us and some guy leans out the
01:01:18
window and just yells out kill the dwarf
01:01:21
he said kill the dwarf Jesus Jesus so I
01:01:25
wasn't like oh thank you for using the
01:01:27
proper term
01:01:28
all right Rudy go ahead more questions
01:01:30
for Brad
01:01:31
um I know you've got him lined up okay
01:01:34
do you
01:01:37
poo every day
01:01:47
I don't know wait how do you think we
01:01:50
got these things in here
01:01:58
Reese's Pieces
01:02:00
pieces yeah what the [ __ ] do you think
01:02:01
these things came from the North Pole
01:02:03
you [ __ ] idiot think about the
01:02:05
question right she equates size with
01:02:08
three years
01:02:09
every day yeah
01:02:11
so you think that the food goes to the
01:02:16
body no okay because I don't poop every
01:02:19
day you would think that he would poop
01:02:21
more often yeah because there's a
01:02:22
shorter way that's why I'm asking yeah
01:02:25
no but that's not what you're asking you
01:02:26
were asking as if like do they poo every
01:02:28
other day no just him because I don't go
01:02:32
every day yeah so do you poo every day
01:02:34
yeah or you would have asked how many
01:02:36
times a day do you poo
01:02:38
right so I don't think that was the
01:02:39
question anyway
01:02:40
let her it's right okay that's her
01:02:42
question let her dig out of this so I'll
01:02:45
ask it again
01:02:46
whatever you want well yes uh uh so to
01:02:49
answer your question yes I have a bowel
01:02:52
movement every day and thank God
01:02:56
and I don't even know if they're a
01:02:57
sponsor of this show if not they should
01:02:59
sponsor me just in general so my tour
01:03:02
should be sponsored by these people
01:03:04
Squatty Potty oh right right yeah love
01:03:06
me a Squatty Potty it's a Squatty Potty
01:03:08
what do you mean basically the show
01:03:10
basically if your legs are on the toilet
01:03:12
yeah your legs are on that little thing
01:03:13
we used to we did they used to sponsor
01:03:15
the show it's what this Apple box is but
01:03:17
while you're shooting oh wow and it's
01:03:19
designed to clean this oh yeah they used
01:03:21
to sponsor our show yeah yeah I remember
01:03:22
yeah yeah
01:03:24
it's an amazing product yeah that's
01:03:26
great I love it and please sponsor my
01:03:29
tours it uh it straightens out your
01:03:31
intestines you know they say your
01:03:33
intestines if you re if you unravel them
01:03:34
would wrap around the earth multiple
01:03:36
times
01:03:36
do you know that
01:03:38
what my own intestines would wrap around
01:03:41
the earth yeah multiple I think it's
01:03:42
twice or something like that yeah insane
01:03:44
do you ever see uh that's not true look
01:03:46
Google it right now prove that I'm right
01:03:47
a one human being will travel around the
01:03:50
world your intestines can wrap around
01:03:51
the earth if they're when they're
01:03:52
Unwound if a veins oh it's maybe it's
01:03:54
maybe it's vascular it's something that
01:03:56
can wrap around the [ __ ] Earth I
01:03:57
forget what it is uh your blood vessels
01:03:59
can stretch around the earth twice two
01:04:00
times your blood vessels there's so many
01:04:02
blood veins that's insane no no it says
01:04:04
it cannot stretch down twice your blood
01:04:06
vessels can stretch around the earth
01:04:07
twice Brad's construction on a
01:04:09
basketball twice
01:04:13
stop it it's not even funny all right go
01:04:15
one more question come on make it count
01:04:17
and yeah Make It Count do you count I
01:04:19
don't know I don't know do you poo every
01:04:21
day my it might have been one of the
01:04:22
best ones let's try one more you know
01:04:25
she's got another one rattling around
01:04:27
that brainer hers
01:04:28
so much Creative Energy
01:04:30
um
01:04:34
you ever looked at his orphan okay okay
01:04:36
have you met Peter Dinklage ah uh we
01:04:40
call him King dwarf uh he rules uh I I
01:04:45
have not met him he he refuses to go to
01:04:48
the meetings
01:04:49
uh bastard uh he tried to take the
01:04:52
dwarves out of the new Snow White movie
01:04:53
did he really really yeah well that was
01:04:55
the thing he said on Marin
01:04:56
that he was like oh they're they're
01:04:59
redoing they're they're doing a live
01:05:01
action Snow White and uh and they they
01:05:04
like made Snow White Latina which is
01:05:06
great makes sense and then they had a
01:05:09
snow Brown yeah and then uh he said like
01:05:12
yeah but they're still having they're
01:05:14
they're they're they're trying to make
01:05:15
this woke Snow White but they're still
01:05:16
having the dwarves in it you know what
01:05:19
made me mad what see that doesn't make
01:05:21
any sense the dwarves are people why
01:05:22
wouldn't they still be in it it was just
01:05:24
about a girl and her friends yeah so
01:05:26
this [ __ ] like dwarves yeah we'll be
01:05:29
made into a live actionable Disney said
01:05:30
Tuesday it was Consulting with members
01:05:31
of the dwarfism Community well who are
01:05:33
these members yeah were they at the
01:05:34
meeting where's like do do we have you
01:05:36
got to be in that movie where's the
01:05:38
dwarf house are you sleepy which one are
01:05:40
you I just want to see the dwarf Al
01:05:42
Sharpton if you don't get in that
01:05:45
[ __ ] movie we're gonna protest yeah
01:05:47
yeah you're in the how many are there
01:06:03
you wouldn't be grumpy or sleepy no
01:06:06
Dopey you'd be either Dopey or what's
01:06:08
the other one come on go over all right
01:06:10
happy sleepy dokie happy
01:06:14
you could be sneezing Sneezy no I don't
01:06:17
like that a few more doc yeah doc you
01:06:19
could be Doc you could be Doc you could
01:06:21
be dog okay Doc and of course Bobby will
01:06:24
be the Huntsman yeah let me be the magic
01:06:27
mirror a month ago I got an audition oh
01:06:30
two months ago I got an audition for
01:06:31
Time Bandits they're redoing time damn
01:06:34
yeah Time Bandits and it was doing it is
01:06:36
um
01:06:37
anyway um
01:06:38
and I said no you said no yeah because
01:06:41
they may wanted me to read for oh the
01:06:44
dwarf part yeah but they're not using
01:06:45
dwarf parts now son of a [ __ ] that suck
01:06:48
yeah they're they're like those are the
01:06:50
Time Bandits yeah well because I well
01:06:53
taika's doing it yeah that's right you
01:06:55
said that yeah tiger is doing it and um
01:06:57
I go I there's no way I can't oh tiger
01:06:59
ytt yeah yeah yeah they're well and this
01:07:02
is real I was in an audition right right
01:07:04
before the lockdown happened uh back
01:07:07
when we still did in-person auditions
01:07:09
and I think I did okay for the part and
01:07:12
then they looked at me and said just so
01:07:13
just so you know so you don't get your
01:07:15
hopes up we're really looking for a
01:07:17
minority hire
01:07:18
well and I just looked at him like yeah
01:07:21
yeah because it wasn't a dwarf part yeah
01:07:23
it was just a part you got and then
01:07:25
they're like a guy yeah I'm like yeah
01:07:27
there you go uh I'm the only one that
01:07:30
still has a separate drinking fountain
01:07:32
yay so would you consider he would can
01:07:36
be considerable what comes out of those
01:07:38
Kool-Aid what comes out of yours
01:07:39
frosting
01:07:42
how many dwarfs are there in the world
01:07:43
by the way let me see the world
01:07:44
population dwarf world population yeah
01:07:47
how many dwarfs do you think stop before
01:07:48
he ghouls how many dwarves do you think
01:07:49
are in the world well because I think
01:07:50
you might that you're right I'm doing
01:07:52
quick math it's one in every 36 000. one
01:07:54
in every 36 000 yeah then there's you
01:07:57
know eight billion people I can't do
01:08:00
that math in my head uh let let's go
01:08:02
with uh 800 000 little people can I ask
01:08:05
you a side note aside from this [ __ ]
01:08:07
we were talking about little people why
01:08:08
does Adam Ray not like me
01:08:10
Adam really loves you I was not invited
01:08:12
to his wedding well yeah you were I was
01:08:15
you were yeah but why would you a 651
01:08:19
000 Brad you're pretty close wow
01:08:21
well yeah because I sensed it that's
01:08:24
pretty good right you guys know where
01:08:25
you are how many redheaded people are
01:08:27
there in the world 651 000 the entire
01:08:29
country of Ireland how many redheaded
01:08:31
people in the world that population I
01:08:32
bet there's only like a million I mean
01:08:33
it's not that many more than you
01:08:35
what does it say
01:08:37
one to two percent of the human
01:08:39
population okay so that's that's more
01:08:41
than six hundred thousand yeah 70
01:08:43
million 70 million 70 240 well that's a
01:08:47
big gap that's the problem because they
01:08:48
don't [ __ ] know yeah because they
01:08:50
don't because most of us stay in hiding
01:08:52
a lot of us don't come out
01:08:55
your stuff in your stockings too okay so
01:08:58
let's well we will uh come over here
01:09:00
okay that's fine
01:09:02
did you guys get Brad of stocking as a
01:09:05
guest
01:09:07
where's my where's the stocking yeah oh
01:09:10
oh [ __ ] I'd even okay thank you so for a
01:09:13
for Andrew
01:09:17
oh wow look at this
01:09:21
Andrew on the North Pole Express look at
01:09:24
this sweet book that I got what did you
01:09:26
get Bob
01:09:27
what is that what is that buddy is that
01:09:29
a butt plug what is that what the [ __ ]
01:09:30
is this it's cold
01:09:32
somebody get coal in their stocking
01:09:34
because they were a bad boy this year oh
01:09:36
Bobby was bad can I read you this don't
01:09:39
keep doing it Bobby don't keep putting
01:09:42
your hand in there Andrew sees a present
01:09:43
rep neatly with a bow the label has a
01:09:46
name and the wrapping seems to Glow the
01:09:47
present is for me Christ Andrew with the
01:09:49
biggest grin Andrew opens it to look
01:09:51
inside and suddenly Falls in Andrew's in
01:09:53
the frosty Woods looking at Blue Skies
01:09:55
to find a world inside a box such a big
01:09:57
surprise the signpost on the trail shows
01:09:59
which way to go Santa's house Andrew
01:10:01
says and all then runs through the
01:10:03
sparkly snow Andrew spots a village and
01:10:05
a family up ahead Andrew grasps and
01:10:08
can't believe they're made of
01:10:09
gingerbread the daddy smells Andrew you
01:10:11
want to see Santa's house I guess you'll
01:10:13
get there so much quicker on the North
01:10:14
Pole Express now get in my van and I've
01:10:18
got some treats take off your clothes
01:10:20
let me warm your feet put them in
01:10:23
between my comfy butt cheeks Now give me
01:10:26
a kiss
01:10:27
off we go sit on my lap it's now your
01:10:31
seat
01:10:31
what is this
01:10:34
a Jeffrey Epstein Christmas what what is
01:10:36
this it's a Christmas book uh from
01:10:38
Target on Sunset kiss me little Andrew
01:10:40
kiss me right here
01:10:43
don't bother if it cries that's not
01:10:45
actually a tear
01:10:48
wow what is this I mean this was at the
01:10:52
checkout aisle
01:10:54
you'll be okay just keep your mouth
01:10:56
closed
01:10:57
open of course right now and now take
01:11:00
off those clothes
01:11:03
chugga chugga choo choo in your poo poo
01:11:08
did I say that no oh it's made all that
01:11:11
[ __ ] up lyrics he's made all that [ __ ]
01:11:13
up but also chugga chugga choo choo in
01:11:16
your poop
01:11:17
by the way uh bro
01:11:20
so good for all for all the fans of the
01:11:23
show when Andrew starts reading the book
01:11:26
I isolate the clip no no no when Audrey
01:11:29
starts reading the book he's pissed off
01:11:30
and just look at Bobby and someone put
01:11:33
the song hello doctor it's my old friend
01:11:35
uh Bobby got that and he's upset about
01:11:38
it so Bobby say goodbye properly to our
01:11:39
guest and say thank you thank you Brad
01:11:41
thanks for being here well to be honest
01:11:43
with him not being real I really want no
01:11:45
okay let's go real sorry
01:11:47
um I
01:11:51
um I've always loved you I think you're
01:11:53
a beast and I think that um
01:11:56
you know it was a real surprise I knew
01:11:58
you were coming today it was a blessing
01:12:00
Merry Christmas to you it's a Christmas
01:12:02
miracle it's your Christmas miracle
01:12:03
happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays happy
01:12:05
Hanukkah Kanye and then um Kyrie and
01:12:09
thank you for being a bad friend thank
01:12:10
you for being a bad friend let's have uh
01:12:13
Rudy say it and then Brad say it
01:12:15
thank you for being a bad friend
01:12:17
perfect
01:12:22
[Music]
01:12:26
yeah
01:12:28
laughs
01:12:33
[Music]
