00:00:00
Hey, what's up you guys? Uh, my special premieres this week on Hulu. Hulu. On Hulu. We're on Hulu September 12th. And check out Andrew. He's going to be at the um Punchline in San Francisco.
00:00:11
One of the best comedy clubs in America. Going to go to Brea Breaa the Brea Improv. I'm in Tempe. I've never
00:00:17
I'm I'm going to come up with for You going to come out for that? Yeah. Good. I'm going to visit my mom. Then I'm going to be down at the Horseshoe and Hammond, Indiana. I'm
00:00:23
going to be at in Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City at Borgata. Uh then Harrison Valley Center. I'm also adding Vegas and another couple of shows. Go to
00:00:30
Andrewantino.com for the tickets. Andrewsantino.com and go watch a special this Friday on Hulu. You better believe
00:00:36
it, pal. I took my dad to a Monday night football game and then we went out and just got
00:00:41
hammered afterwards. And we were sitting at the bar just my dad and I just like just like just leaning against the bar and he looks over at me, you know, like
00:00:48
how dad can look over you sometimes. Gives you that smile, you know, that twinkle in his eye. I'm waiting for him to say he loves me, you know, and he
00:00:54
goes, "I'm pissing right now. Hey, good girl. Do y'all want to shoot guns? Just right out back. Yes, queen. Yes, queen.
00:01:05
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm Ron Weasley. I'm Ron Weasley. I'm sorry. I don't even like that one. Let's move on. [Music]
00:01:20
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:01:27
are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. We can be heroes just for one day.
00:01:38
Miss Bowie, good night. Um, hello. Welcome to Wow. What what what a pleasure to be here. What a pleasure to be here to be back in the studio. Finally, Andrew's been gone for so long.
00:01:50
One month. We don't even know how what he looked like anymore. I look the same. was what you're
00:01:55
pinkish. Well, I got a sunburn yesterday. Yeah, you're pinkish and your attitude is a little aggro.
00:02:01
I'm aggro now. You spit a gum at me and guess what I did to it. Do you have any proof that this happened? No, but what did I do?
00:02:08
Headb butted it. I head bited butted away. You are a soccer man. Like George What? Like what George Bush
00:02:13
did with the shoe, right? I I I I locked in at the gum. You're good. And I saw it in slow motion. I headbutted it. See? Yeah. Yeah. Here. Yeah.
00:02:24
Here I have a packet here. Ready? Yeah. Go. Well, you got Oh, sorry. You got to put it toward
00:02:29
I got to get another one. Yeah. Yeah. Let me get one more. Yeah. Baseball. Use the baseball. But don't throw it. Lob it.
00:02:35
This is softer. Okay. Go. Really good. Look at that. Really good. Did you see that, dude? Wow. Did you see that, Jules? Rudy.
00:02:40
Jules is back. Yeah. At the Korean spa. When I see nuts in my face, I Korean nuts. I can do it, dude.
00:02:47
Rudy, what's going on? Welcome back to the show. Hello. Hello. Energy through the roof.
00:02:52
God. Oh my god. Hi. Territop hasn't washed. Hasn't washed your car since you gave it to her.
00:02:58
I know. Not kidding. We were right next to each other and I was like, "That is as dirty as you left it."
00:03:04
As soon as your mom left this morning, I woke up in shivers and and as in a sweat. Why? Our house is going down.
00:03:14
I think her mom, if anyone listening right now, you want Filipino in your house? her
00:03:20
mom. She's cleans everything. Can we put up the website? Get a philipilipino.com. Yeah, you had a kid.
00:03:26
Filipino dude. The the way you fold the you know the socks and the underwear. Yeah.
00:03:32
Ne future. Where did your mom go? Back to the Philippines. She's gone. Wow. Ice. Huh? Got her.
00:03:37
Well, she was worried about it. I called twice. You called Ice. Yeah. What? For the challenge.
00:03:42
Yeah. Welcome to ICE. To get someone deported, press one. Yeah. Yeah. [Music] You are 36 in line. Please hold.
00:03:58
And people hold for hours. They can't wait. You know, [ __ ] Oasis tickets. They'll [ __ ] hold on for five hours.
00:04:04
How much those tickets going for right now? Oasis, what do you think? What's the average? Let's guess what the average resale ticket because they're all sold out. If we want to go to the
00:04:11
Rose Bowl, what do you think that costs for like an average ticket? I'm I'm guessing like 300 400 for shitty stuff.
00:04:16
Can I say something controversial? Yeah. May I? Yeah. They have five good songs.
00:04:21
You're You're so out of pocket right now. That's insane. They have five good songs. You think
00:04:27
Wonder Wall? Keep going. Um, bring up their [ __ ] album. You're telling me they only have five good songs? I think so. That whole album was good.
00:04:38
What's that main album? Don't look back in anger. Good song. Super Wonder. Supersonic. Great song. Champagne. Supernova. Cigarettes and alcohol. Never heard of that song.
00:04:48
Definitely. Maybe. Yeah. Sing me cigarettes right now. Boom. Sing me cigarettes and alcohol right now. Cigarettes and alcohol.
00:04:56
Yeah. Fight me in the school. Yeah. Sing me roll with it. Roll with it. Just roll with it. Just roll with it. How about Dixie
00:05:07
London? Dig. Dig down. What are you going to do? We're going to roll with it. Yeah. You You don't know any of this [ __ ] How about [ __ ] in the Bushes. [ __ ] in the bushes.
00:05:22
Oh, you like Morning Glory. Supersonic. Okay. Morning Glory. Okay. My point is is that she's electric.
00:05:29
She's electric. She's electric in the morning. She buzzes with electricity. Actually, The Importance of Being Idol is one of their best songs. Bristol. Let me hear it.
00:05:42
The Importance of Being Idol is one of their best songs. And he actually said that's his favorite song. Let me bring
00:05:48
up something that's wild. Yeah, cuz I learned something this week. Those conjoined twin girls had a baby.
00:05:54
No. Abby and Britney. Is that their names? Britney and Abby. They had a baby. There's no way Britney and Abby had a
00:06:00
baby. They did. Dog. Look. Conjoined twins. Abby and Britney I've seen carrying their baby. So the guy's only married to one of the
00:06:06
girls. How does that work? And we had to Google it. They share a vagina. Yeah. Mhm. So she The other ones has to look away
00:06:12
when they're hooking up. The other one doesn't get to name it. She has no say. Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What if one of them is like, "Come
00:06:18
inside me, the other one's like, God, please don't." Yeah. Yeah. They might have mixed feelings about it.
00:06:25
Now, it'd be wild if their babies conjoined. Oh my god. Conjoin. What if they do three?
00:06:31
It's three conjoined and then they one uped, right? Whoa. Their parent or one up their moms.
00:06:37
Mom and dad. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Cuz I learned that this there's a pitcher that plays in MLB and he's
00:06:42
what's called a mirror image identical twin. Look this up. This is insane. I thought I thought identical twins.
00:06:48
Was it? I thought mirroring is like the same. No, a mirror image identical twin. Yeah. Look at that. Taylor and Tyler Rogers
00:06:54
are both baseball players. So his left side is his right side. So if you looked at each other, it would be like looking
00:06:59
exactly in a mirror. Isn't that [ __ ] weird? I don't get it. Explain it to me. Mirror image meaning like
00:07:05
I'm looking at you. My right side is your left side. So it's mirror. It's not It's not flipped.
00:07:10
Yeah, but if I was your left side, people would think that you had a stroke. Yeah.
00:07:15
Why is his eyes squinting? My left side just is career. A stroke. Yeah. But their mirror image identical twin,
00:07:22
which which happens when the it splits at a certain time, and if it splits a second later, they become conjoined. So,
00:07:28
they just miss becoming conjoined. Whoa. By a millisecond, I think it's Wow. Isn't that crazy?
00:07:34
That's crazy. Well, would you would you ever date Would you ever date an identical twin? I feel like I'd be down.
00:07:39
Yeah. It's kind of just like a threesome, but like with just one dick, she goes right for it.
00:07:44
Wait a minute. What do you mean threesome with one? I don't care. She says she's getting two for one. All right. Oh, you mean two conjoined
00:07:50
twins? No, I'm talking about identical. Identical. You were like conjoined. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be down to conjoin. Well, they they don't they don't have
00:07:57
two dicks. Yeah. No, they have one dick. Yeah. Yeah. But four balls, oddly enough. Yeah, that's fine.
00:08:03
Yeah. A lot more to play with, I guess. Now, if they had two dicks, right, would you sometimes suck the brother's dick or
00:08:09
no? Maybe just caress and then Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because you feel bad because you have empathy.
00:08:14
Yeah. You feel bad. Yeah. If I was the other If I was the other, but I would play I get a switch,
00:08:20
dude. I thought of you to at the airport a guy had a a handheld and it was going through his glasses. What is that?
00:08:27
What do you I'm not the [ __ ] president of Sony. You're a video game guy. What are you talking about? Aren't you Samsung?
00:08:32
Yeah. Yeah. I'm not Yeah. No. A guy had a pair of glasses. Yeah. Heroki. I'm not Heroki.
00:08:37
That's you. That's not you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A guy had a pair of glasses at the airport. He was sitting waiting for the
00:08:43
plane and he was like this. He had a controller and he was looking up just with his with glasses. Wow. What is that? What console is that? I've
00:08:49
never seen that in my entire Richie kind of knows. Richie, do you know, man? No, I don't. Well, then get the [ __ ] out. Get the [ __ ] out of here then.
00:08:55
God damn it. Richie, don't nod your head like you know. Richie's back. Did we not build him a cage? I thought we were going to build
00:09:00
him a cage. Yeah, Richie's back. He's been working out, too. Oh, you know how it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There it is.
00:09:06
Hey, baby. Oh my god. Oh my god, dude. Richie. Richie, go sit in that chair. Go sit in that chair.
00:09:12
You love Rich. You love the Rich. I love Rich Dog. Yeah. Jules, you know Richie? I've met Richie.
00:09:17
Yeah. Yeah. How? And five. Yeah. Seven. Yeah. Yeah. Richie's got his um his Let's judge his legs. I didn't know you were that hairy. I wouldn't have assumed he was that hairy. Dude, you have Hugh Jackman's legs.
00:09:28
It's kind of hot. Those are Yeah. Yeah. Wait, that's hot legs? Do you think he's got hot legs? Do you think that Hugh Jackman would
00:09:34
have those legs? I don't get that. No, that's more Gerard Butler. That's Jerry Butler. Yeah, that's Jerry Butler. But it's like
00:09:39
really nice manly. It's the upper body you need to work on. I think the upper body is okay. No, body's kind of the cell.
00:09:46
You have Michael Phelps upper body. I I try to hide the Yeah. Usually I'm like, the upper body is the cell.
00:09:51
Yeah. No. No. And you have a school shooter's face. You do you think the upper body is is your best? I think it's all kind of the charm. I think my face is sort of the I think
00:10:02
it's a little I'm a whole package, you know? Right. You're like a package that they threw over the fence.
00:10:08
Now, um, did you go to the Weird L show? Of course I did. I got my shirt on right here. It was the best thing ever. Was it a good show?
00:10:14
Oh my god, it was amazing. He did costume changes like every single time. He had the fat suit for fat. He had the
00:10:19
nerdy the Amish Paradise beard. It was Whoa. And he plays all the hits. He doesn't play new songs.
00:10:24
No, I mean a couple new, but like all the hits. Everything you wanted to hear. Everything was in there. It was crazy. Wow. Did he
00:10:30
How many people? A lot. Um, what was the menu? It was at Kia forum. Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] It felt like not sold out, but like pretty sold out. Might have been sold out. A lot of people in the form, dude. He's Yeah. Yeah. He's the man.
00:10:43
God, weird. We love you, Weird. Now you think Weird Al is better than Oasis. Yeah. More hits. He does have more hits, huh? Yeah. The Yoda song. I mean, Just Eat It.
00:11:00
Yeah, Just Eat It. Um, Gangsters, uh, Amish Paradise. I've met him before. He's super nice.
00:11:05
White and nerdy. Pula face. I mean, I can These are all bangers. My baloney. My balona.
00:11:13
So good. Yeah, it's amazing. You know, this is one of those guys he will last forever and ever and ever.
00:11:18
Forever, right? He'll he cuz it's clean, family. You know who he is? No. Okay. You don't know Weird Al? No. Oh my gosh. You never even heard of Weird Al Yanovich. Wow.
00:11:29
Well, he's um a guy who does parody songs. Yeah. He does popular songs. He started in
00:11:35
like the late 90s and he would do popular songs then remake them. Like there's a song called Beat It by Michael
00:11:40
Jackson. Just Beat it. And he wrote a song called Just Eat It, Eat It, Eat It, Eat It, Eat It.
00:11:49
Yeah. And he he got sued no less than a thousand times, right, over the years? No. He would always get the artist
00:11:54
permission. Oh, he did? I thought he got sued for a couple of times by people. I'm pretty sure like for uh
00:12:00
is it might have been Amish Paradise. I'm pretty sure he was pissed at him. Weirdell settled a lawsuit uh Sony Music
00:12:05
for undisclosed amount 2013 ending a $5 million claim that the record label had unpaid underpaid him royalties. Oh,
00:12:12
that's for him. For him. But Amish Paradise looked that up. Wasn't cool wasn't I think he was not a fan.
00:12:17
Yeah, Kulio hated it. Yeah, but there's like parody loopholes or something like that. They're always
00:12:23
You can parody anything. That's true. Way around it. It is true. There's loopholes to
00:12:28
everything. The controversy paradise a misunderstanding between Kulio and Wordal regarding permission to parody
00:12:33
his Gangsters Paradise. He Kulio initially felt disrespected and publicly stated he never gave permission. Yanovic believed he had received approval
00:12:39
through the record label. The dispute ultimately cooled down. Kulio later admitted his reaction was wrong because he probably it only probably sold more
00:12:45
albums for him. That's the irony. I bet you that just resells more albums for the original. Oh, totally. I I only knew Amish
00:12:51
Paradise for years. You never knew Gangster Paradise? I didn't know Gangster Paradise for a while. I Weird Al was like my introduction to half of these songs.
00:12:57
So disrespectful to Cool. Insanely disrespectful. Well, it's it's an honor to Weird Al
00:13:02
though. Well, you're weird. You're a weird alien. I am. You're a weird alien. What is Did he call his fans something? Weirdos.
00:13:08
I'll take Weirdos is kind of a cool one. I kind of like that. Weirdos. If he's not doing that, he should. Yeah. Well, he jumps on every other uh
00:13:15
bandwagon thing. I should I'm surprised. What is this? The ironic thing about Gangsters Paradise, it's uh it's kind of a parody
00:13:20
of Pastine Paradise by Stevie Wonder. So he stole it, too. Well, every rap song has samples from
00:13:26
other things, right? This one's pretty heavily sampled, including the title. So, what does Stevie Wonder have beef with Julio? You just might.
00:13:31
Wow. Didn't see that coming. Nerd talk. So, the nerd podcast. It's cool talk. What is What is What do we What is going on here? Do we grandma's basement?
00:13:42
Nerd talk. Welcome back to NPR. Today, we're going to be just exploring the past of albums and where they came from. Today, my
00:13:49
guest is Richie. Richie. Hi. Hi, Richie. Hi. Happy to be here. Hey, too loud for NPR. You got to be way
00:13:55
long. I'm really happy to be here. Yeah. Very good. Very good. My name My name is Devon M. Lewis and I
00:14:00
have my podcast part my radio partner Shfield. Yeah. Cassie, nice to meet you. Nice to meet
00:14:06
you. Nice to meet you. And we I have a question for you. Um, if you had a time machine, you mean what era would you
00:14:12
time back to? I It's a fun question that we always ask our We always say that to all of us.
00:14:18
And we have also our our third mic here. Um, Shira Oklahoma. Shira Oklahoma. And she's not from Oklahoma. That's the That's the gag. That's the gag. The gag. Yeah, the gag. She's from Tennessee.
00:14:29
She's from Tennessee. Yeah. Anyway, Oklahoma. Anyway, um, what time? What era? What era? Um, the 1980s, of course. I feel like all the movies came out then. Oh, wow. All the movies. All the movies.
00:14:43
Like, what movies? Let me guess. You love Gremlins. What? Yeah. Weird Science. Is that your game? Science is great. Yeah, it's amazing. Ghostbusters, the original one when was that? What was Ghostbusters one?
00:14:55
Yeah, Ghostbusters. Full Metal Jacket. Late 70s. Full Metal Jacket's amazing. Ghostbusters 84. That's right. 84 84.
00:15:02
You know, one time I didn't masturbate for like 3 weeks straight. And when I did um ejaculate, was the secret of the ooze.
00:15:08
That that marshmallow monster came out of my penis. It was very interesting. Yeah. Stay up. Marshmallow man came out
00:15:13
of my penis. That was a big thing in the 80s. I feel like ooze movies. Do you guys know that?
00:15:18
Like a lot of movies have ooze in them. There was a lot of ooze movies. Ghostbusters 2 is all about ooze. Yeah. Yeah. Are you an ooze fan? Just in
00:15:25
general. I wouldn't say I'm an ooze fan. I'm more fascinated. I you know I bet you money you put a lot of gravy on your biscuits.
00:15:31
I like to put some gravy on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you only eat donuts if they have like a little filling in there, right?
00:15:36
Boston cream is the best. Yeah. Yeah. And I bet you you do this in that little hole where they put the creaming the cream. You probably squeeze
00:15:43
the donut so the so the cream squirts out a little bit, right? And you squirt it in your mouth. Do you not? Yeah.
00:15:49
Yeah. You look like that guy. He's not wrong. Ninj Teenage Mut Ninja Turtles. The Blob.
00:15:54
Great films. A lot of ooze movies. Yeah. Well, Gak was big from Nickelodeon. We were coming off the era of Gak and slop
00:16:01
and FL. It was a popular thing to put in in pop culture. You know what I would do if I had a time
00:16:07
machine? And we've talked about this, right? Yeah. Yeah. Sherrod, is that your name?
00:16:12
Huh? Your name? What's my name? Yeah. What's What's my name? I've been on this show for 30 years. I know. And you don't know me? Yeah. Yeah. What's my name?
00:16:27
What's my name? Yeah. Anyway, Anyway, we've talked about this. But what I would do is I would I would um get the recipes for Oxycottton, all these opiate drugs,
00:16:39
go back to the 1800s, New York, and have a little stand, you know what I mean? And I would sell these pills. I would make a fortune, I think. Smart. Yeah. What would you do in a time? Yeah. What would you do as a time machine?
00:16:52
I had an idea once. It's pretty offbeat, but I would go get an almanac, a sports almanac, and go back in time.
00:17:00
Oh, I see what I Let me guess. May I guess? Yeah, right. You would bet on games you'd
00:17:05
already know. You'd be Yeah, that's interesting. That's a very good thing. You know what I would also do is I would
00:17:12
find Steve Jobs early when he was living in the garage developing stuff. Yeah. And I would give him a million dollars
00:17:18
and go just get anything you do, I'll get 10% your company. 10%. Yeah. Yeah. Smart.
00:17:23
And the YouTube that Chinese guy from the YouTube. Is that the same guy as Sony? No, it's not the same guy. Yeah. What
00:17:28
would you do? Um Oklahoma. Miss Oklahoma. Miss Oklahoma. I would try to ride the
00:17:35
plane from 2001 911. My god. And to save and would just turn around. Oh, you would turn. Do you have a
00:17:46
pilot's license? Yeah. Uh-huh. Can you imagine? Rudy gets on one of the flights from 9/11. She just stands up
00:17:52
and goes, "Turn around." Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Turn around. Turn around.
00:17:57
That's it. You wouldn't do anything. You would just try to make them turn it around. You have one shot. That's what you do. Get on the plane.
00:18:04
Yeah. Maybe convince like maybe like a [ __ ] or something to Yeah, that's it. That's it.
00:18:10
And then he's like, "Well, what should we do now? We'll only get 35 virgins when we get on." Yeah. Wow.
00:18:16
There isn't one single Chinese guy who owns YouTube. It's sub. It's a subsidiary of Google. No. Who's that Asian guy? I would go to
00:18:21
that Asian guy. Steve Chen. Steve. I would go to Steve Chen and go, "Hey, I'll give you some money. Just give me 10% of your company." And back then,
00:18:26
they probably do it. Of course. What is Steve Chen doing now? See, this is the kind of thing. These guys are quiet. They de Taiwanese Americans.
00:18:32
Let me guess. Let me guess. He's riddled with white [ __ ] Oh my god. Yeah. Just pouring it down.
00:18:37
Yeah. Chen dog. Is he married? Oh yeah. He's got a spouse. He's married. He's happily married with two
00:18:43
kids. Cuz you know that Enron, you remember Enron? Love Enron. Big Enron fan. Really?
00:18:49
Yeah. Huge. So I mean all all of them went to prison. But there was one Asian dude with an accent.
00:18:55
Didn't go. No. He got out early, a year earlier before the investigation started. And him and a stripper,
00:19:01
you know what I mean? He met a white girl, stripper, this guy, Lou Long Pie. He got a white stripper
00:19:07
from a like strip club, right? Goes be be my wife, right? They took all his money and they bought all
00:19:13
this property in like I think Oklahoma or somewhere like that. Genius. Yeah, he was a genius. And they they
00:19:18
never got him. Did he still stay with Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's Lulu Long right now. Yeah. With He's still with the stripper,
00:19:24
dude. $270 million after being forced to sell his shares to satisfy his divorce settlement two months before the This
00:19:31
guy's genius. He's a genius, dude. Luong Pong. That's a great documentary. That's Lu Pie.
00:19:36
Yeah, that's Lupai, dude. No, that's him. That's him. Pie was a senior executive at Enron over. Look at him. He got out. He He
00:19:42
sensed it. He knew. You know what we doing right here? He's very very wrong. You mean I have to I'm going to go to
00:19:49
Strip Cor, right? I know this white girl. Very smart to go to a strip club and grab
00:19:54
I'm causing my I'm I'm calling my cousin. I'm him. Yeah. Arrow ring. Hello. Yeah. There's so many wrong thing going around. Arrow. What are you going to do about it? What do you think I should do?
00:20:06
I don't know. You want to go to Titty for lunch? Yeah. Yeah. Imagine they just went there for lunch. That struck the idea. That's like social
00:20:12
network. Something came from nothing. Yeah. This guy goes to a strip club and gets a go. That's genius. Yeah. Cuz by the way,
00:20:19
they need that. She obviously needs help getting out of her situation. He needs help. It's the It's pretty and pink.
00:20:25
It's pretty and pink. It's pretty and pink. It is pretty and pink. Pretty and Yeah. It's kind of the same story,
00:20:30
but he's trying to save them. Don't you want Do you have a savior kind of a thing or no? Savior mentality. Yeah.
00:20:35
I think we want to help people a lot. I don't think we can save most. Yeah. Like we want to help Richie. We want to try to get Richie laid.
00:20:41
Yeah. Yeah. Richie, do you We have some We got some girls. We have some girls. You want to do that now? Yeah. Let me see. Let's see if put on
00:20:46
your cans or so you can hear some of these. This girl says Serena says I'm chill. I want I want to say this before I know
00:20:52
you're I'm sorry, but um Carlos said beforehand that I'm going to be mad because these are some of the girl these
00:20:59
girls I wouldn't be able to get. That's not true. Yeah. Yeah. So, let's just see if you're right. Carlos DraftK Sports Book NFL
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00:25:31
This girl said she'd drive tonight for you. This is Serena Nicole. Man, I mean, I'm pretty flattered. She'd
00:25:37
drive right down, pick me up. I don't have to call the Uber or nothing. I mean, is this her? That's her. Wow. Cute.
00:25:42
Pewdiepie. What do you think, Rich? I'm pretty flattered. I like her. This is up your alley. Up your alley. How old How old is her?
00:25:47
She Serena, she doesn't say. But hold on. What does she do for a living? I got to know the deal. Yeah, there's not enough information on
00:25:53
this one. I feel like I I Just based on looks though, you would do it. But based off of looks, yeah, based off of I I don't know her.
00:25:58
Slow investigating tells you she lives in Vegas. And I'll tell you why. Why? Why do you think? How did I guess that?
00:26:05
Let me see. Based on this photo. No, I base it on something else. Okay, go to all the photos. I want to see. I want to be an investigator.
00:26:12
The sun. It's extra sunny there. It's extra sunny. No. Why? Why based on that? Well, go back to the email. Oh, on the email. 702. 702 is the area code for Las Vegas.
00:26:25
Wa. And I put this together knowing because when she said when she said, "I'll drive
00:26:30
to Cali tonight," I thought, "It's got to be a close enough place. It's got to be Nevada. 702 is Vegas." Bro, what are you doing in this job,
00:26:36
dude? There's crimes that need be to be solved, bro. I don't do that anymore. I told you,
00:26:42
Billy. I don't do that no more. What are you talking jabing with that? You're the FBI calling.
00:26:48
Yeah. Yeah. Come on, man. We got some murders. I can't do that no more. I told you. Not after my brother died.
00:26:53
I'm sorry for saying best friend he is. I love him. Uh oh. A date with Richie. This is a mill from Cincinnati. Oh, Mill. Mill. Let me see the photo.
00:27:03
Well, zoom in first. Oh, yeah. Wait. What? You Oh my god. Oh my god. Wait. I'm selling her more.
00:27:08
Pass the last one. This one's up. You dude's richer. Richie. What about this one?
00:27:14
Bad friends. I hear you're looking for someone to take Richie to the Weird concert. I think I'm your girl. I'm a real life mil with a pretty awesome
00:27:19
personality, sense of humor, and a soft spot for nerdy guys. happen to be an I just so happen to be an escort which means I know how to make uh the date
00:27:27
feel like the most fun guy in the room and I have the wardrobe to prove it picture Richie watching walking in with me on his arm. He gets to look like the
00:27:32
king of nerds. I come to party with this with said king and everyone wins. I keep it playful, classy, totally unforgettable. Just naughty enough to
00:27:38
make a story he'll never stop telling Candy. We're flying her out. Let's do this.
00:27:43
We're going to fly her out. We're going to fly her out. She's got to be careful with that kind of shoes on that kind of slippery
00:27:49
I mean that's slippery out there by the water. tsunami comes. Yeah. Be careful, Candy. So, Candi's an escort and would love to
00:27:55
take you out. I'm interested in sending you out. Go on to the next bathroom photo. First thing I noticed here has
00:28:01
Oh my god. She has one of those chalk those chalk writing bathroom. You can write on the wall there. But that's a hotel. How do I know that's
00:28:07
a hotel? The tiles above the tub. That's a hotel. And and also the pre-established soap
00:28:14
dispensers. You're the best investigator I've ever Look at the soap dispensers. This is a hotel. So, this is a holiday in.
00:28:21
How do you know that's Jimmy? Because she was murdered. She was murdered at a holiday. Two hours after this photo was taken.
00:28:26
Explain to me, Jimmy. Jimmy, how do you know this is a holiday in? Because I've been to a lot of holiday.
00:28:31
Oh, I see. What else, Jimmy? How did the intruder get coming into the bathroom there? Cuz she was murdered in the bathroom. Intruder knocked knocked and said
00:28:37
housekeeping. She said, "Go away." They probably went through the door, right, Jimmy? Front door. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that there's only one
00:28:43
door there in the bathroom. Oh, with her you could use the back door. Oh, you can't. Oh, I see. I see. She made it very clear. Very clear.
00:28:49
What else? All right. Anyway, by the way, Richie, let's get a poll of this. Is this Would you go out with this
00:28:54
lady? Oh, 100%. There's another young lady. Let's see what she said. Bad friends. I'm push push pause. All right. Already
00:29:01
right now. What? High teeth functionality. High teeth functionality. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And do you know what
00:29:06
that means? No. It means that she has great teeth. It's just a scientific way of saying it, right? You never heard that. Beautiful eyes, right?
00:29:12
Wow. Nails, right? Healthy. They're natural. Natural and healthy. No dirt. Nice lips.
00:29:18
No dirt between between the nail. Can I say something about the eyes? Not a ton of makeup. It looks natural and nice. Looks natural. Yeah.
00:29:23
Not cake face. Let's go. Submitting my video. Um to share why potentially Richie may be interested in taking me to Weird Out. I just pulled up to my waitressing job. So, I am covering up
00:29:34
the restaurant's logo. Go ahead. You go. We have to guess the waitress. We have to guess the place that she works at. She's the waitress. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Tarantino. Hey, Jimmy.
00:29:47
Yeah. This this lady, we found her dead Bonnie. Yeah. Where does she waitress? Because,
00:29:52
you know, we can't figure that out. I don't really know. I know the color the the maroon of that
00:29:58
shirt. It's a dead giveaway. It seems like a chain. It's obies. She's got the meats. She's got the meats. Okay. Thank you, Jimmy. What is it? I wonder where she It's either, you know, my instinct was either
00:30:10
cuz it is maroon. It's a high-end. It's a It's a Hey, J. Stop. Don't Google it yet.
00:30:15
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I will say it can't be high-end. High-end restaurants don't make you wear Look how nice though. That It's not a
00:30:21
It's not like a They don't make you wear Polos Highend. Not highend. A chain. A high-end chain.
00:30:26
Correct. Chili. Yeah. Yeah. That's not Chili's. I know their outfit. Chili is all black. Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:32
Idiot. Yeah. Applebees might be Applebee's actually might be might. You know what I'm going to say? Islands.
00:30:38
No. Islands is the Hawaiian shirts. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, Hawaiian shirt. Red Robin is a no, cuz that's the old
00:30:44
one that I'm trying to think. Is that even around anymore? Yeah, it could also be a at a golf place
00:30:50
like a at a Oh, that's right. She could work at the country club country club. Yeah, that's also very good. Yeah.
00:30:55
Or timely Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel. I don't know. Cracker Barrel, man. I don't know. But they wear the white cuz that last time they wore the white t-shirts with the Well, they went through a big DEI change apparently. So now everything is
00:31:07
different. I I I refuse to go in the changed version of that. Yeah, we won't go back. If I look and there's that old white
00:31:13
Cracker Man with the barrel. Yeah. Yeah. I am out. No, I'm in. That's the old way. We won't. Yeah. Yeah. If that's on there, I go in.
00:31:19
If it's off, I do not go in. We don't go in. I do not go in. You heard it here at Cracker Barrel. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway,
00:31:25
we took you to Cracker Barrel for the first time on the road. That was amazing. And remember how much [ __ ] you bought from the store? Right.
00:31:30
It was I was I couldn't believe what they had there. Shocking. Shocking. They had everything. Let me Oh, you're going to say this?
00:31:36
You turned me on to some things there. What did I do? The [ __ ] licorice. Oh yeah. Walabes. Yeah. Wy Walabes. I had never heard of Walabes.
00:31:47
That's the [ __ ] place. I was I was there for hours. I had a shopping bag. Everything.
00:31:53
He bought about 150 bucks worth of And you go you pointed at Wallabbees. You go, man. Back in my day or something
00:32:00
like that. I I eat them today. I had one. I had two today when I left the house. I bought them at the airport again. Yeah. I get every flavor.
00:32:06
They're so good. They're so good. Green apple, the wy walabe. You know Walabes licorice. Are you a licorice fan?
00:32:12
These are so [ __ ] good. What's the one below? It is that star anise black licorice. Are you Are you a black licorice guy? I don't like black licorice. I don't think almost anybody likes black
00:32:22
licorice. Yeah. I don't know why they make them by the way. It's awful. You don't like black licorice? No. Definitely not.
00:32:27
Have you had black licorice? No. Oh, the flavor is weird. It's It's It's What does it taste like?
00:32:33
Tastes like Nyquil. Oh, it does taste like shitty Nyquil. Yeah, shitty Nyquil. No, but I kind of like Nyquil sometimes.
00:32:38
Yeah, because you know you're going to get a little like buzz buzz buzz. Have you had the Have you had the uh the day uh not dayquil? What's the other
00:32:45
one? The zquil. Brother, I can chug this stuff. Really? It's bad, dude. It's so good. I Zquil is
00:32:52
a non-habit forming Nyquil and it's if you're not sick, if you just need to pass out. Yeah, bro. It's [ __ ] awesome. I should not
00:33:00
be promoting. You get horny after that. I get so horny on Nyquil. So [ __ ] horny. Zquil. I mean
00:33:05
any quill. Yeah, any quill. Any quill. I get horny on the quilt. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I do get horny on the quilt
00:33:10
because my therapist and I have a deal, you know, like unisome. I can't take unisome anymore. Do you know why
00:33:16
you get too horn? I get so horny I have to masturbate to porn. And it's a it's a red flag for me.
00:33:22
Yeah, you can't do that. If you take three or four like extra ones, you get extremely horny. But see, this says Nel has found no
00:33:28
ties. Boredom from being sick. The altered mental state from medication. The potential orgasm to temporarily relieve pain might play a role in the
00:33:34
perception of increased horniness. But the dizziness and drowniness, none of the stuff they say attributes, but I think you're right. Every time I do take
00:33:40
drugs like this, also in the morning, I'm so much more hard. Like morning horny.
00:33:46
I get horny hard. Horny hard. Horny hard. Yeah. And it's hard. Yeah. I've been getting a lot of morning wood lately.
00:33:52
I just had it today. And it I can't get it. And then you have to pee and it's still up. Yeah. You piss all over. Right. So you have to push it down,
00:33:58
right? Hate that you have to do some sort of like arch. Well, I lean against the wall. I put my hands against the wall and lean down to
00:34:04
the toilet. I just stick my [ __ ] dick in there like that. That's why I want a urinal at the house.
00:34:10
Eric Andre has a urinal at his house and I was always jealous of that. A standup urinal. Yeah, he's got a urinal and he's got a toilet in his bathroom. He built like a
00:34:16
little nook where there used to be cabinet and he put a urinal there. I was like, "Yeah, why doesn't that come in a house?" I don't know. I don't understand.
00:34:22
Yeah, cuz then then you're never going to pee in the toilet where women pee in. Just you're only pooping in there. Yeah.
00:34:28
I would I wanted a urinal. My wife said no. I was like, "Why not?" She Well, you have several bathrooms. You have like six bathrooms in that mansion
00:34:34
that you live in. So, I mean, maybe one of the [ __ ] Wait, we have Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 9 10 11 13
00:34:41
Anyway, and then the maid's quarters 21 I don't know why we never I wanted to put one in. Testosterone levels increase during REM sleep. So, maybe you're getting such good sleep your testo your tea goes up which gives you harder
00:34:53
erections. This is morning wood. Yeah. Oh, that's what it Do you get morning still rich dog? Oh, every morning.
00:34:59
How old are you? 24. That'll go away. Yeah. Yeah, that'll go away. It slides. No, I I I I as an older adult, I'm
00:35:05
getting them more. Yeah, but you don't always get them like him every day. But No, but I do. And I'll tell you why.
00:35:11
You do now. No more masturbation. Wow. Why? Because it's unhealthy for me. Jerk. Every relationship I've ever had, that was the downfall of every relationship.
00:35:22
You jerking off. Yeah. because I would it gets to a point where it's like, you know, you get kind of bored, you know,
00:35:28
having sex with them with the same, right? And so in my and then I preferred doing that over that and it destroyed every and it's it it it it interferes with intimacy. Intimacy
00:35:40
it can. Yeah. Yeah, it can. And so for me it's like once I weeded all that out, it's like natural sex
00:35:47
life. Are you going to have Are you having natural good sex? Yeah, natural. Good. L natural. All right, let's get back to this girl.
00:35:53
Let's go back. Let's get Let's get Richie a date. This poor girl. So, I mean, I like to think I, you know,
00:35:58
I genuinely vibe to any kind of music. I grew up on 70s classic rock. I love disco. Um, I'm not I do feel bad that all these people are trying to go to the Weirdell concert. It
00:36:09
already happens. It already happened. But we can set up another date. Yeah, we can take them somewhere else. Okay. She has a kind of a Tony Kleti vibe,
00:36:17
too. I love Tony Klet. Yeah, she's great. She's gorgeous. Not going to lie, I don't know who weird Al is a
00:36:22
pause. And I like her. I like her, too. Better. You can turn her on to something she's
00:36:27
never said. Oh, wait. Yeah. You can educate her. Educator. Yeah. Oh, I like this.
00:36:33
Um, he's not country. So, Oh, he's not country. If not, then yeah, I vibe. I promise
00:36:38
you, I vibe to any other genre of music. You know, if it's a good, beautiful setting, good drinks, great conversation, good vibes, I'm I'm down a
00:36:45
vibe to anything truly. Um, I have been trying to meet new people. has been a focus point for me this year. So, I've
00:36:51
been kind of successful. Can you push pause real quick? I like her. She's nice. There's something that's bothering me.
00:36:56
What is it? Get Hey, Jimmy, guess what it is? I don't Something about the necklace.
00:37:01
Zoom in on the necklace. What is that? Is that a uh Saturn? Is that a pentagram? What is that?
00:37:06
It's close. It's a planet. It's close. My guess from far away, it's religious. Her hand has been stuck in that position
00:37:12
the whole [ __ ] time. She's covering up for the She doesn't want to show you where she works. What's wrong with that? Go back to the girl.
00:37:18
Let's Did she live in LA? Uh, let's find out. Yeah, excusive. I let work get in the way and and college and all that, whatever, yada yada. Um, also I really admire Richie's
00:37:30
willingness to get down and dirty. I like a man who can get his hands dirty. Love that he was willing to clean up
00:37:36
Bobby's pet [ __ ] I don't like it. I've met you guys before and I think the concert tickets were a great gesture.
00:37:43
Um, and if he's just looking for a nice girl, go have some time a good time. you know, go listen to some good music, get
00:37:49
to know each other. You know, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, something more, maybe nothing. I don't
00:37:55
know. Maybe you just want, you know, they are wearing the same color shirt. Yeah.
00:38:00
I know. I I said I I I I heard an East Coast twang there, so she is not from here.
00:38:06
But I'm from the East Coast. Well, you live here. [ __ ] it. I do. Yeah. What did she say at the end? Nice night. Enjoying. Sorry, I have
00:38:13
bangs and I don't know how to style them. I just got them cut last week. Anyway, listen. Hit me up if uh you're
00:38:20
interested, Richie. Otherwise, I hope you have a great time at the concert. And PS, I don't know if you could tell
00:38:26
from my accent. I am from New York, unfortunately. I'm sorry if that ruins things, but if you can't find any
00:38:32
girlies in LA, feel free to reach out to me. Otherwise, she lives in She's from Long Island, but
00:38:37
she lives in LA. No, she said if you can't find anyone in No. Yeah. Effective. Too far. You're
00:38:42
fired. Too far away. Too far away. Is that it? There's got to be one more there. There is a few more. Now I understand why you couldn't get
00:38:49
out of the those escape rooms. Heard LA. She's from LA. He's on it today. Dude, he's on one today. I like when he gets all push pause for Let's
00:39:02
Who's this? Can we address this? What's up? What the [ __ ] All right. Text Cobb here.
00:39:08
He likes [ __ ] with you. Look. I know. All right. Who's this? Text Cobb. Let's hear I can [ __ ] with you, too, dude. But I'm
00:39:14
not going to. Go ahead. I have some [ __ ] bullets in my gun. God, he's been away from us for so long.
00:39:19
He's so happy to see. He's fogging up the shades again. Miss you, dude. Whoa. Whoa. Oh my. This is where I go. Zoom
00:39:25
in. This is where I go crazy. Zoom in. I am willing to make Richie's dreams come true to be his date. And I haven't done any charity in a minute.
00:39:31
And I like weird looking boys. This white boys. This is me. Zoom in. Wow. I'm sold. Drop all the others. Wow. Yeah, that checks in. Let me call
00:39:45
her. We found her. Wow, she's so pretty. Oh, we found her. Look at Look at Hey. Yeah. Do I test a little jealousy out of you? I
00:39:56
I smell a little jealousy. Actually, no. And I'll tell you why. Offscreen. Had it already or something?
00:40:02
Already tasted it? No. No. All right. Oh, I mean, Richie, if I did hook up with a girl like long ago, would you hook up with her or No. I mean, yeah, but it would be after Well, then we'd have to talk about it.
00:40:12
No, I don't. You don't even need to talk about it when you Well, because we're like friends. No, no, no. We're not friends. You're my employee.
00:40:18
I'm your employee. Yeah. Yeah. You'll never get my number. Yeah, but that's like dating my boss's. It doesn't matter. Just go ahead.
00:40:23
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to give you a ticket. Satie Satie Satie Soler. Uh Thousand Oaks. She's in Thousand Oaks. She's
00:40:30
5'10. She's a tall girl. Okay. And this is me taller. This is me, by the way. Let's see what
00:40:35
she looks like. Oh my god, Richie. Richie, we got some good submissions. Yeah, Richie.
00:40:46
That's the one. Richie, she also sent a video. Oh, let's do the video. Hi, Richie. My name is Satie. I live in
00:40:53
Thousand Oaks. I am localish. Okay. Um, and I was going to email Carlos for your
00:40:59
number regardless. And then I heard that you need a date to Weirdell. I know that I know the deep cuts. I have been a Weirdowl fan forever.
00:41:10
Um she's the best. Let me think of some Weasel Stomping Day, Virus Alert. Like I'm talking about
00:41:16
deep cuts, not just Amish Paradise. Okay. Um my birthday is August 29th and I want to go to Weird with you to celebrate my birthday. Oh man. So I'm sorry we just missed it, but she was
00:41:29
the one I would have called. We should have done this episode the other day. Why didn't we film this two days ago?
00:41:35
He's freaking out. Oh my god. I could have gone with her. I [ __ ] like you and not me.
00:41:42
That guy could have gone with her. I'll take her anywhere. I'll take her to police. No, she called for me.
00:41:47
I'll take her to police. She was asking for me. M every night, every meal. You can't provide [ __ ]
00:41:53
I could provide. Nothing. I could provide. I'm providable. No, you're not providable. You got nothing. You got nothing. You smell.
00:42:00
I give. Every time I walk by here, you smell, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And your breath smells good. And you have film over your
00:42:06
teeth. That's outrageous. I can't [ __ ] believe it, dude. I love how jealous this is going
00:42:12
to make him awesome. I will not allow you to go out with her. Carlos, it's too bad. She already emailed.
00:42:17
Carlos, get her number for Richie for sure. We need to make this happen. Included it in the email.
00:42:23
It's outrageous. It's unfathomable to me. Oh my god. God, it just got better. Go ahead. Go ahead, Richie. Oh, it just got better. You will no longer be working here.
00:42:35
Do not go out with her now. Go ahead. Let me see. I have a car, so I can get to you.
00:42:40
Oh my god. Oh my god. The whole package. She drives. Oh my god. Yeah, they're allowed to drive now. I can't believe this. Jesus. How is this? Oh my god.
00:42:52
Get her out of here. You can't bring her around the studio. Oh, get her out of here. Oh my god. She's so hot.
00:42:58
That That was the grand finale. Okay, that's the grand finale. And that's a good one. Well, how old is this this girl? How old is this girl? She didn't say, I don't think.
00:43:04
Yeah, but she said she knew deep cuts of Weird Al. So, obviously she's not She's got to be in her 30s, I would imagine. Right.
00:43:11
She might have a lady. No, no, I say that. No, she's probably 27. 24. 24 to 26 around that age. Too young. Too young. She's Go ahead. Oh my god. She's perfect.
00:43:21
Yeah. You like her? The number. Yes. You're excited. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm going to get tickets to another concert now. When's the last time you went out on
00:43:27
like a proper date with a girl? A proper proper date. It's been a while. What are we talking?
00:43:33
Like a proper proper proper date. Like how proper, Richie? A [ __ ] date with a girl. Just
00:43:39
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doctor today. That's zooccdoc.com/badfriends.doc.com/badfriends. I do want to play catchup with uh with Juliana and see what's going on with the Rudy Jules in your world. What has been
00:46:27
up in your world? Are you What's going on with you and your dating life? Single. Zero.
00:46:32
Zero. You're over it now. Yeah. You don't want to go back? No. You're done. I'm good. But Tito Bobb's been We've
00:46:40
been doing movie marathons. Yep. and he's just been showing me all the classic movies. So, we we went um Good Fellas. So, I'm
00:46:52
going to throw some movies out. Yeah. And one through 10, you tell me. Okay. Good Fellas.
00:46:58
10. 10 to me. 10. 10. What'd you get? I'll do eight. Okay. I respect an eight. Okay. Um, taxi driver. Nine. Nine. Yeah, I agree. You like taxi driver over Good Fellas.
00:47:10
I like that. It's so dark. It is fun. Yeah. Yeah. It's rad. No Country for Old Men. 10. Wow.
00:47:15
That's my top one. That's easy 10. Easy 10. It's so good. Yeah. Raising Arizona.
00:47:20
10. You like Raising Arizona? I love you. I love you. Oh, nice. You're so You're a filmer.
00:47:26
You're hitting home runs right now. Right. But here's I know what this answer is going to be. Watch this one. What?
00:47:31
Fargo. Oh, dude. One. One. A what? What in the [ __ ] are you talking about? The guy was just so annoying to me. Yeah. I couldn't watch it because it he was
00:47:43
just so stupid. You talking William H. Macy. Yeah. Who's the main guy? He's brilliant. Yeah. I couldn't I couldn't He does such a good job in that movie. That's crazy that you didn't like that
00:47:54
movie. He is annoying in it though. But that's the [ __ ] point of the character. Yeah. The desperation. Yes. He's supposed to be a [ __ ] like
00:48:00
a a a a ripe loser. You like you you Yeah. It's perfect. You cannot Yeah. Oh, it's so good. I I like the one with Brad Pitt. That one's better.
00:48:12
Burn After Reading. Oh, so good. So good. Burner After Reading's good. So good. Brad Pitt is so funny in that movie.
00:48:19
Yeah, dude. He's He's He's the best. It's good, but it's not in that level of Fargo. I don't think it is. No, it's not a
00:48:25
Fargo movie. But Fargo, it's pretty good, though. Yeah, but Fargo is like a perfect movie. It's such a good movie. They made They
00:48:30
made it a TV show. That's how you know a movie is really a banger when they're like, "We got to do this again somewhere else." Yeah. Because of Fargo, though. Um I
00:48:37
your reaction to it. I didn't do the big Labowski. Oh, it's so good. What do you mean you
00:48:42
Labowski? Oh my god. Yeah, it's another brother. She's gonna hate it. That's why if you don't like Fargo,
00:48:47
you're not going to like The Big Labowski. I'll still try it. Yeah. Yeah. I watch Ethan, the dude. Oh my god. I watched Ethan's movie alone. Uh when I
00:48:54
was in Chicago. You call him Ethan like you know him. I don't like that. It was Mr. Ethan Cohen.
00:48:59
I saw Bobby's movie. You mean Good Fellas? No. No. You're right. Marty. No, Marty. You're [ __ ] You mean Marty? Cut that part out. No. Yeah. Cut that stay in. No. Cut.
00:49:11
That made me look like a fool. That made me look like a fool, dude. No. No. Yeah. It's foolish, dude. What do we got here? Oh, is this our
00:49:17
boy? This is our Spaniard replacement. He looks too good. Now, before he didn't look that good. Give me the phone. You like him, huh? All right. Hey, Bob. There we are.
00:49:29
Hey, why does he have a Dragon Ball Z shirt? Is it because I'm Asian? He likes anime. Why are we muted on our side? Yeah,
00:49:34
you're not. Hello. Hey, what? Hey, buddy. Christopher, thank you for having me. Oh, I like the voice. Okay, good. Yeah, Chris. Yeah. Bobby, it's not because you're Asian. I
00:49:46
like anime. Okay. Okay. Okay. He likes anime. Okay, good. Where are you from again, Chris?
00:49:52
And I like Chinese food, too. Perfect. Chris, where are you from, buddy? I'm I'm in New York right now. Where are you from, kiddo? Oh, I'm from
00:50:03
Dominican Republic. I love this guy. Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic. We own We Yeah,
00:50:09
they're one of ours. Yeah, they're one of ours. Yeah. You're from America. You're from island America.
00:50:15
I get it. I get it. What? Where? He's just like you. He's a little [ __ ] Where Where do you live in New York? Let
00:50:22
me guess. Let me guess. Hold on. Can you guess? Yeah. I'm gonna I'm gonna say Queens. I would say Brooklyn.
00:50:28
Close close. Close. Oh. Oh. Close close close to those. Yes. You're not in Queens. You're not in Brooklyn. No. You're not in [ __ ] Long Island.
00:50:38
No. No. You're not in Harlem. No. You're not in the city. Manhattan. No, he's not in the city.
00:50:44
I know. U Green Witch Village. What's that? Grant. He's not in the village. That's in Manhattan. Oh, okay. You're not in Brooklyn. You're not in
00:50:51
Queens. You're not in Harlem. Staten Island. You're not in Staten Island, are you? You're in Jersey.
00:50:57
Wow. What is it? Al Albany. Albany. Albany. That's not That's not New York. God damn it. That's upstate New York.
00:51:08
That's upstate. That's like on I think I thought that because it's New York. Wait, Albony is not part of New
00:51:14
York. It's in the state of New York. We're talking about the city. It's like when people go, I live in
00:51:19
California. Where? Uh Bakersfield. Right. That's not the No, that's like saying I live in Los Angeles. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I live.
00:51:33
Yeah, you're right. You're right. There's no logic there. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I got it.
00:51:38
You get what I'm saying or no? All right. So, listen. Chris. Chris, are you willing to relocate to Los Angeles?
00:51:45
Yes. He is. What do you do for a living, Chris? Uh, I work in a I'm a electronic
00:51:54
assembler. An Oh, [ __ ] He's got a good job. Did they pay you? No, he's Geek Squad at Best Buy.
00:52:00
Huh? I I I don't I don't think that's that good. You You work for Best Boy. For Best Boy? Best Buy? Oh, do you work for Best Boy? No. Okay. You can't tell us the company name. We
00:52:12
won't say We won't We'll blank it out. You can What? Yeah. What? Wait, Chris. I can say it, but if you can bleep it
00:52:17
out. Yeah, we'll bleep it out. What is it? We'll bleep it out. I promise. It's like a really It's like a really
00:52:24
low end like company. It's called Chris. Chris Chris. Chris, what's like I know you have a chair, but you have a little bit of a padding there. What's the padding? Can we see?
00:52:36
It's from one of my favorite games. Uhhuh. I love this guy. It's I'm a huge anime fan. So, and these are all the girls you've
00:52:49
jerked off to. Is that your [ __ ] rag on your chair? Yeah. Wait a You're you're you're a big anime
00:52:56
fan. And how how old are you? I'm 32. 32. And you're single? You got a you got a wife, family, kids? What do you got? I'm I'm single now. Have you Okay. Are you Have you ever been in a relationship?
00:53:08
No. We got to get this. This guy's perfect. Oh my god. You're perfect for this show.
00:53:14
Well, are you a virgin, Chris? [Music] Yeah. Just say it. No. No. I didn't. Oh, are you religious? Is is it going against your religion?
00:53:25
No, I don't believe in any of that. Okay, good. Well, what do you what do you believe in, Chris? Like, what do you
00:53:30
Yeah. What do you believe in? What do you believe in? I I believe in the Bad Friends podcast. Damn, dude.
00:53:35
Damn. This guy's a guy, dude. This is our guy, dude. All right. So, I want to say this. If if
00:53:41
you come out here, Yes. Um, where do you live right now? We have to find a place for you. We can You
00:53:47
might be able to live in the studio because our studio kind of looks like your apartment. Yeah. Where where is this apartment?
00:53:54
If you give me internet, I'm I'm good to go. We can I need to watch We have more than We have Wi-Fi.
00:53:59
This is great. This is amazing. I I need to watch my Yeah. You You need to watch his animals.
00:54:06
You have animals? Anime. Anim. If he did have an animal, he would have reptiles%.
00:54:11
Yeah. Yeah. Spiders. Snake guy. Yeah. Yeah. I got something. I got something to show up with.
00:54:17
Oh, wow. I love this guy so much. Better than Andreas. I mean, I'm not even kidding.
00:54:23
I agree. Oh, you have a ginger, too. Tonight? Yeah. What's his name? Is uh uh I'm I'm blanking out right now. You don't know your cat's name?
00:54:39
Leo. Leo. Leo. Is that someone else's cat you just stole? Kind of. What? It's my sister's. It's your sister's. Yeah. kind I kind of
00:54:51
take care of it. So, Oh, you do you live at your sister's house? No, I live at my mom's house.
00:54:58
Okay. Your mom's house. Okay. Wow. You're in the basement? Yes. This is our guy then.
00:55:03
I'm underground. Yeah. Yeah. You're underground. That is a cool way to say I live in a basement at my mom's. We got to get a private detective to do
00:55:09
some research and stuff like that, I think, first. Yeah. Yeah. Before we fly you out here, we do need to do a background check. Background check to make sure that
00:55:16
Have you ever Have you ever committed any crimes of any kind? No. Not yet. No. No. Don't say yes.
00:55:21
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you were to commit a crime, what would it be? Uh Larson, I have no idea. Okay. Petty theft. I will let I will let you know when I do it. Okay. Okay.
00:55:32
It'll be us. So, yeah. The whole world will know. Yeah. Bad friends murdered by Dominican immigrant.
00:55:38
Chris. Hey, I'm here legal. So, yeah. Okay. Good. That's good. We don't care. Have you seen this show?
00:55:43
We don't care. Half of this crew is illegal. Yeah. Well, Chris, we might have to make it uh
00:55:49
a way for you to get out here. Would it be hard to get you off of work to come out here? No, not at all.
00:55:55
Okay. I got my I barely get take days off, so my vacation time is stuck. You got a lot. Yeah. He saves his holiday [ __ ]
00:56:08
Have you ever taken a vacation, Chris? Uh, yes. Okay. Where did you go? Where did you
00:56:14
vacation to? I went to Canada for a camping one time. Where in Canada? Canada. Oh, Canada. Camping's good. I have that. I don't know. I don't I don't know.
00:56:25
I went to Edmonton. Saw the oil fields. It was 10 years ago. So, I don't remember the the place
00:56:31
he was kidnapped. Um Yeah. Have you ever been anywhere tropical? Tropical? Yeah. He's from the Dominican Republic. Oh, yeah. That's right. I've been here detective.
00:56:42
I've been here in the US. I'm a good detective. for like 16 years. So the guy's from a [ __ ] island. The guy's from a [ __ ] island. I'm not good. I'm not good.
00:56:53
Have you ever been anywhere tropical? It's from a [ __ ] island. Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Have you ever been to the beach?
00:57:04
It's like the the thing the Oh, dude. He's fancy. And the Michael Michael Jeep Jordan. Michael Jeep Jordan.
00:57:15
Yeah. Yeah. Chris. Chris, can you tell us a joke? Just tell us a quick joke before we let you go. Give us a joke.
00:57:21
One joke. What do you call a nation with one leg? A nation with one leg. One leg. What? What?
00:57:33
Taiwan shoe. That's so good. Clean, too. Taiwan shoe. Another one. Oh, yeah. He's got some Is it a nation joke? Cuz that'd be so funny if it only had nation jokes.
00:57:46
Wait, wait. Let me Let me think. Let me think. What do you call a fat psychic? A fat psychic. Yeah. A forchin teller.
00:57:58
I don't even get it. A fourchint teller. Oh, a fourchint teller. We need more. Give me another. Give me another one.
00:58:03
More. Wait a minute. Why did the Mexican threw his wife off the cliff? Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff? Why? So many reasons.
00:58:18
Why did the Mexican throw his wife? Why did the Mexican? Huh? Because he wanted tequila. Tequila. Tequila. I see.
00:58:28
You bring that kind of energy to the West Coast, Chris. This might just work out. I think we might have to have him as an interim replacement host replace
00:58:35
in the booth. So you're will I mean it it depends what I can do. I don't know if I can do too much.
00:58:42
No, no, no. We won't we won't have you do almost anything. You don't have to do anything. We just need you to be there.
00:58:47
We would just want you to be there. Yeah. That's incredible. Well, let's take a vote. Uh let's take a vote here. Who thinks Chris uh is suited
00:58:54
for the show? Right here, dude. Unanimous. Wow. Chris, that's everybody. I don't know why you're raising your
00:59:00
hand, Richie. He's replacing you. Yeah. Replacing. Yeah. All right, Chris. Well, we appreciate
00:59:06
you, man. Hopefully, we'll see you soon out here. Okay, buddy. Thank you guys for having me. Thanks for being a bad man. We love you,
00:59:13
buddy. We love you, Chris. Last week. Yeah. Don't Don't go yet. Me. Let me Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. No, no, no. I didn't know. I thought Yeah. Last week was my 32 years old birthday.
00:59:28
Yeah. Did we just call it a birthday? Yeah. Yes. And that was the same day that I
00:59:34
saw the episode where you guys saw my submission. Oh wow. And when I heard that, I was like,
00:59:40
"Wait, are they listening to my video submission?" I was laughing and it just it just made
00:59:47
my whole day. We love you. Actually, actually, it made my whole week to give to respond to the email sooner because I was waiting the whole week for
00:59:59
an email response. We love you. Oh, Chris, you're come. We got to get this guy to LA. All right, Chris. We love
01:00:05
you, buddy. We got to We got to go. We got to go, bud. We'll talk to you soon. Okay. Bye, buddy.
01:00:10
Yeah. Bye, dude. Yeah. Love him. I love that [ __ ] guy. Love him. I love that guy. Yeah, we got to get He's so funny. Cute. I'm not kidding. We got to get that guy
01:00:22
to LA. We got to get him here. We got to you boys. We have I'm not kidding. We got to And you know what? It's It's okay if
01:00:28
they live at your mom's house at 32. I didn't say anything negative. I just said it kind Your energy was a little judgy. No, no, no. I thought it I thought it
01:00:34
was true because it looked like a basement. It looked like a basement. I knew it was a basement. It was
01:00:41
subterranean. There were no windows. Cute. And also, um, put him up in a hotel and we'll fly him out.
01:00:46
We got to get him some confidence. You know what I mean? Because I just He's a handsome guy. We'll put him on the show. He'll he'll get [ __ ] from the show. I'm sure. Look
01:00:51
at all these [ __ ] losers get [ __ ] from the show. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Plus, it's the only show who can afford having 20
01:00:59
producers that do nothing. So, yes, dude. The resentment out of this kid. The resentment is bananas. He hates everybody. Yeah. Are you Do you even want to keep doing
01:01:09
the show? Yeah. No, he hates it. God, dude, you're out of pocket. He's out of pocket, dude.
01:01:15
What's going on with you, man? What is this, Richie? At our first episode in this studio.
01:01:20
Well, how long ago was that? Uh that's 22 two 20 January 22 years ago. Wait no three years ago. Wow. Wow. So you were in his school in um
01:01:31
Albuquerque. Not Albuquer. Yeah, I was an Andreas student and then came here. The first time I was like
01:01:37
touring and then got the job. You look less annoying in this photo. I look less. Yeah, you look cute there.
01:01:44
You kind of look like Andreas. Cuter now. You do look. So how did he hit you up? Did he hit you up Andreas for the intern job?
01:01:50
No. when we were uh needing more people, I I knew him and another girl, Emma, who's also in this picture. We remember Emma. Emma. Yeah. She was on the show. She sat on camera, right? So they Yeah.
01:02:03
They both were coming to LA at the same time. So wonderful interview. Yeah. Yeah. How do you like um LA, Richie? Generally, let's not I don't give a [ __ ] Okay.
01:02:14
Okay. Yeah. No. Where do you live? Echo Park. No, I'm in Burbank. I'm very close by. He doesn't have a car. Yeah.
01:02:21
You walk here, Rich. All around. Yeah. You walk here. Well, I got a ride from Carlos, but Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pick them up. That's very nice.
01:02:26
That's very nice. What are your cross streets? We're going to cut it out. What am I? What? What are your cross streets?
01:02:31
My What is that? Intersect like the big boulevard. I'm right in downtown Burbank.
01:02:37
Downtown Burbank by AMC. Yeah. Oh, you don't know the address? No, I mean, I know my home address.
01:02:44
Andrea Jyn's here. I don't know why she's here. Dude, honestly, you didn't know what a cross street is? Your major
01:02:50
intersection? I don't have a car. When did you get here? That's a car. What? Oh, just go off. What's up? Sit down. Come sit down, you [ __ ]
01:03:02
idiot. Come sit down. Yeah, have her stay there. Jenzers. Hi. What are you doing with your [ __ ] shades on, dude? It's a signing out. Yeah. Hi. She's like a sneaky Chinese.
01:03:15
She is a Chinese assassin. Yeah. Yeah. We're inside. There's no sun here. Yeah. Yeah. Take the glasses off. It's
01:03:20
like You mean to take it off? No. No. No. No. No. No. I like I like that they're on. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
01:03:26
Tim Rirun. Tim Run. Team Rerun. Yeah. So, you're you have workout gear. Yeah. We're going for a walk. You? Yeah. Me?
01:03:39
You never go? I've been on a walk. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I I go hiking all the time by myself.
01:03:46
You just go to the entrance and then you go back home. No, I don't. No, no, no. The last time I did it, I went all the way around.
01:03:52
Oh my god. No. Are you guys going for a hike? Yeah, we're going around the reservoir. I don't know what it is. Are you really? Yeah. Around around
01:03:58
That's why I'm wearing these. Okay. Oh, your workout shoes. Yeah, this is my workout shoes. Those are the shoes you wear every day.
01:04:04
I know. But the pants. Okay. Yeah, that's why I'm doing this. Wait, you're going to go around Silver Lake? No, the umollywood reservoir. Right on.
01:04:12
He said pick me up. Is it uphill? No, it's all No, it's all flat. It's all flat. It's I can do it. I can do it.
01:04:18
Yeah, you can of all of incline. No way. Yeah. Yeah. There's no incline. There's no incline. But can I just say
01:04:24
this? I haven't I woke up. I went straight here. I haven't had anything in my body.
01:04:29
No. No. You've never I've never heard this before. Um we Bobby Bobby's mad today because because um there's a guy
01:04:35
in the show, Richie. You know Richie? Richie, pop your little stupid head in. Oh god.
01:04:41
So we did So we did submissions for girls to take him out on a date or him to take them out on a date and he got
01:04:46
some babes on there and Bobb's a little jealous. I wasn't jealous a little. What? They're really hot.
01:04:51
Yeah. Well, this girl was very attractive and she loves him and Bobby was a little upset about it.
01:04:57
I was not mad. He was upset. Oh god. He was a little upset. Yeah. Anyway, do you want her?
01:05:02
Yeah. No, I was just like I couldn't believe it. That's all. It was just the absurdity mad.
01:05:07
Yeah. Richie has no car. But do you find do you find do you find he has no money? Do you find Richie attractive? Is he
01:05:13
attractive? There's like a cuteness. Yeah. Like a boyish thing. Not like a man though. But you would never.
01:05:19
I would like No, you wouldn't. Like you lying. Yeah. You date Hollywood directors.
01:05:28
No. Oh, no. I'm Cuz I'm tired of a Chinese attitude. But I will say I would. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't with Richie.
01:05:33
There's no way. I would do not believe this communist liar. Yeah. She's liar. She means none of
01:05:39
this. There's a cute There's a cuteness. This is how they get you. Yeah, that's how they get you. You'll be working in a factory.
01:05:44
Your bank account is gone. It's gone. Yeah. There's a cuteness, right? 2 days later, I have nothing in Yeah. She did
01:05:51
it. Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye. He disappeared. And you get no action from it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:05:56
He doesn't [ __ ] Don't you think so? He's I like his leg. But you would never go out with him. No. Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:02
Filipinos are [ __ ] honest. That's what I love about Filipino. No, not at all. Disgusting.
01:06:08
Come over here and show your legs. She likes his legs. This doesn't make sense. See, I don't understand this.
01:06:13
What is that? Oh, big leg. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Get the [ __ ] out of here. Look at his upper body. Look at his
01:06:19
upper body. Creep show. The walking creep show. He's cute. He's cute. Yeah. Andrea, don't lie.
01:06:25
Yeah. Why are you I'm not lying. Stop it. And then the Can I just say this? Pissing me off. Her last boyfriend,
01:06:31
K-pop star. Yeah. He was not a star. No, he's was like a rapper. Whatever Indonesian rapperian he wrapped 30,000 people at a show. Do you know Rich Brian?
01:06:44
No. Yeah. He Nobody knows. I don't know who the [ __ ] that is. Yeah. Look up Rich Brian right now. He cute.
01:06:49
Yeah. Oh, I know this guy. Yeah, I do know this guy. Yeah. So, you know, he looks cool. You're going to go from that to Richie.
01:06:57
You're not going from that to Richie. I think Richie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at him. He Richie will never be on a red carpet. That's
01:07:04
Let's just like love on the spectrum. Yeah. Yeah. Rich. Rich though, I want to see you take that girl out on a date and enjoy it.
01:07:15
Bad friends will take Yeah. Bad friends will give you a We'll give you a budget. We'll give them a budget.
01:07:20
But here's the deal. Carlos car. No, not Carlos. Mone has to be your chauffeur for the night. He's your Uber driver. So, he can and and Mone set up a GoPro in the car so we can capture the
01:07:31
interaction. I'm driving. No. Yeah, I'm driving. No, you'll sabotage. No, no, I'm not going to sabotage it. They I want them to be safe. You're going to steal her. No, I'm not. What?
01:07:42
You're going to steal. That's crazy. She gets out of the car. I got to be the driver. She's like, "What's up with that Chinese guy driving us? You want her?"
01:07:50
Yeah. What? But you want her. I don't want nobody, dude. I First of all, you act as if you That's owning
01:07:55
human beings. I don't want anything. Oh, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're free people. Oh, I get how you are. They're free people. You think you own women? You're a pig.
01:08:02
You're a pig. You're a pig person. No, it's a mutual. So women are below you. Is that what you're saying? No.
01:08:07
Interesting. That's what Carlos heard. Yeah. Let me say this. Richie, go get me another Red Bull.
01:08:12
Richie, go get me another Red Bull, dude. I have an idea. While he gets that. Yeah.
01:08:17
I drive. I rent a Suburban. Okay. And it's you and him and her together. It's a try date and I'm the chauffeur for the night. I take you guys out and it's a competition to see which one of you It's
01:08:29
not for me, babe. It's for your enemy. I see. We I we It's a It's a three-way and I'm like the moderator and we see which of you guys lands the girl at the
01:08:40
end of the night. That to me is more fun. It just depends on how old she is cuz she's not over 30. I can't do it.
01:08:46
All right. So, look, maybe we'll set up a three-way date. She might be down. Ask her if she's
01:08:51
interested in that, Carlos. Okay. And it'll be like a It'll be a dating show. That will be Love on the Spectrum.
01:08:57
We'll see you guys. Or it could be No, here's what it could be. Okay. It's me teaching Richie coaching
01:09:03
like a coach. I'd be like a love coach. Yeah, love coach. That'd be good. You know what I mean? I'm going to wear some threads.
01:09:09
I know how you're going to dress. I'm going to suit it up, I think. Are you going to dress nice, Richard? Oh, yeah. I got
01:09:14
What's nice? What's nice for you? Like, do you got What do you do? You do the collared shirt? Yeah, I do like a collared shirt.
01:09:20
Little button down. A little nice pants. Something slacks. Are we going jeans? I'm going to get a new suit. He's going to get He's going to go get
01:09:26
an Italian handmade suit. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to get a new suit. You know he's going to [ __ ] you over. He's going to outshine you the whole day.
01:09:31
Bobb's wearing and then just one up. You're going to You're going to one up Bobby. I'm going to try to Oh, this is going to be fun.
01:09:37
You got You got a lot of nerve, bud. I'm excited for this date. Train me. We could be like Anakin and
01:09:42
Obi-Wan, but not with the fighting at the end. No, no, the fighting at the end. Oh, that's a probably Let's get you a Prada suit.
01:09:48
Miyagi. Yes, a karate kid. Let's get you a Prada suit, Bobby. A $4,000 Prada suit.
01:09:53
Yes, they Let's get him a suit. Let's get him a real nice suit. And then Richie will
01:09:58
go take you to men's warehouse. You pick out anything you want. So Andrea, just go back to her, right?
01:10:05
Yeah. Yeah. She's moving up in the world. She's now she opened for Bill Burr. I know, right? Ronnie Chang.
01:10:11
I know. Right. Whitney and Cummings now. Okay. And John Melany. Yes. Yeah. So you're on the rise. And she
01:10:17
flaked on a gig with me. So am I a tier below them? No. No. Be honest. Listen, this bad for you
01:10:24
haven't been on bad for this podcast is all about honesty and being real and authentic.
01:10:29
That was a mistake and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have flaked on. She tried to give me [ __ ] She was like, "Who you taking on those new dates?" And
01:10:35
I said, "Dvontre Coleman." She goes, "Oh, I guess uh anti-woman." That's what she said. Yeah, that's how you get your gigs.
01:10:41
No, I said anti-Chinese. I did say anti-Chinese. It's female. Let me ask you this thing. If Devonte
01:10:46
Yeah. Right. two days before a gig says I can't go. Oh my god. What would you do? I got to get another
01:10:52
black guy. Yeah, I got to get another black guy. Exactly. My show is for young black men.
01:10:57
I'm Yeah, I know it is. So mine, too. That's what I got. That's what I put out there. There's no black people in the audience, but also when I get two or three.
01:11:03
She was like, "How come you wouldn't take me on any of those dates? You get so much work." Oh, so you ask.
01:11:09
She did. I Well, that's sneaky Chinese [ __ ] She opened for me and then you asked my
01:11:15
partner. She did. Yeah. I want to open I want to open for everyone. She wants to open for every single headliner. And I was like, "No,
01:11:22
you already get so much work. You open for Burr and then Melanie." No, no, that's you get We have to spread it
01:11:28
around. I'm greedy Chinese. She's greedy Chinese. Oh, she's the greedy kind. She's what I respect, though.
01:11:33
But you know what? She's not. At least they know they're greedy. She's not the cutting the line kind. No, she'll wait. I wait. I've waited lines with you.
01:11:38
She'll wait. That's why we love you. You're going to wait. But I will say, man, the Chinese are good. They're so
01:11:45
good at what they do. No, but you're getting so much work. You don't need it. Cruising. Bobby, I'm sorry. I That was a mistake.
01:11:52
Let me say something. Okay. But can I I think you're one of the fastest, funniest rising comics. You know,
01:11:58
she's doing great. Yeah. I think you're so funny and original and all that stuff, right? I just don't like your sneaky chopstick
01:12:04
moves. I'm not doing Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's so sneaky and chopsticky. That's sneaky chopstick. Yeah. You just do. What? Yeah. Coming to the stage.
01:12:16
Yeah. Yeah. Wait, that was a miscommunication with the date. So, you bailed on a date?
01:12:22
I And I I thought it was one day only. No, that that that's insane. Okay. So, all right. You want to get back into it?
01:12:28
Let's do it. All right. Okay. The year before, right? If I'm if I'm doing standup live.
01:12:34
Yeah. In Phoenix. Yeah. One of the best rooms in America. Sure. Right. She did it a year before. It was four
01:12:41
shows. Yeah. I asked her to do it again. She thought it Okay. Stop. Okay. Okay. A Korean's talking. Okay. But can I say something? Oh, dude. Wow. You're about to start
01:12:53
another war. A Korea's Korean's talking. I mean, I respect you because of your age, not because of Korea.
01:13:00
Oh, this is racist [ __ ] That's racist [ __ ] man. I love it, dude. Our movies are elite.
01:13:06
Our K-pop is unfathomable. Unfathomable. Okay. Okay. We have I just want to say that we have Samsung. Bring up the terrace. Bring up the terrace. Terrace and also crouching tiger hidden
01:13:19
dragon. That I'll give you that. Okay. All right. Well, Jinszers, I'm happy that you're here. You guys go take the
01:13:26
boy on a wall. All right. Anyway, uh go. Thank you for being a bad friend in there, both of you.
01:13:31
Thank you for being a bad friend. [Music] Woo! Yeah! Woo! [Music]