00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're
00:00:10
bad friends it's a New Year by the way it is a new year and it's a year any resolutions that you got coming up oh my God you have no idea what you're saying right now dude you have NOA I have
00:00:22
resolution I have we could say resolution City you're in resolution City yeah that's where I'm in resolution
00:00:28
City right now let's break it down so um I'm going to work on some other addictions what are they why are you my therapist or a cop
00:00:39
both okay so officer um I have um I do some strange things that um this is not funny it's just real no real is good so
00:00:51
there's this Netflix you know how sometimes you go to Netflix and there's mobile games you can download oh yeah
00:00:57
okay I'm the you're thinking who's this for you I mean I download all of them MH
00:01:04
right but there's this one game that I play and um there's like 10,000 levels but I only play one level a thousand times what what eight
00:01:15
hours of a time just sitting there on my kitchen counter and the level is like 2
00:01:20
minutes and it's the same basic level it's like it it feels like a crany candy crushing it's one of those like puzzly
00:01:26
games where you know I mean you line things up wait I saw you you play this yeah it's I I only play one level and I
00:01:33
was telling my therapist other day and she goes stop why because it's um I'm running away I'm not you know what I mean I'm being obsessive about something and I do it because I don't want to feel
00:01:44
you know I mean it's like there's I do a lot of things where it's like I don't want to feel so I just I'll watch the
00:01:49
same YouTube video over and over again and it becomes um it's not it's not healthy I'll tell you I had to I I got a
00:01:56
good feel I got a good cry this morning big time whenever I want to real good cry what do you see I watched that Ian
00:02:02
Wright video with with uh with the teacher with Mr pigdon yeah I thought you was dead yeah yeah what a great
00:02:08
video I'm very much alive Ian yeah and he goes someone told me you he dead yeah yeah that's a great [ __ ] I cry every time yeah I watch if I need a good cry
00:02:19
watch Ian Wright reunited with uh his his primary school teacher Mr Pig and why do why do I love that you not love that well he's the he's the most uh prolific go goal scorer in Arsenal's
00:02:31
history thank you and he said in the you know what he said in it that was so powerful that really moved me in a way
00:02:37
two things he goes he was crying and Ian said Mr pigdon said it meant more to him that Ian Wright played for the country of England than when he flew over Buckingham Palace
00:02:50
that was more important to him that someone he coached wow played for England wow and then he said he turned
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to hug him and and uh he was like two steps down they in the stadium they're up on
00:03:03
the stairs and when he hugged him he was below Mr pigdon you know like he was he was hugging his waist almost cuz that's
00:03:09
how that's out yeah and he goes and I felt like I was seven years old again I was a young child being embraced by
00:03:14
someone a father figure dude I was I it gets me wow every every every time but when whites oh what about the whites what about the whites what do mean what
00:03:25
about the whites there's so many good things to say about the whites not lately dude I know lately as of not know
00:03:30
you know I mean but you know what I'm saying is over the history yeah you guys get a bad rap we do get a bad rap yeah
00:03:36
yeah and what I'm want to say is you know I mean theyve you guys done extraordinary humanitarian you know I
00:03:42
mean Deeds some of us some of you Schindler we talked about that before what a list that's it Schindler and Ian
00:03:49
Wright's coach Mr Pigman yeah Mr Pigman that's yeah yeah no but what I'm saying is is when when uh it's it's human all humans have someone I'm sure there's a
00:04:00
Korean out there like that you got to be somewhere what do you think I don't know where they are like a one good Korean that like helped uh that's a great movie one good
00:04:10
Korean yeah yeah yeah that's yeah yeah speak of it did you see the guy that snuck into North Korea took video of the
00:04:17
traffic cop with his phone did you see this by they're going to get this guy yeah yeah this is what I think about these guys you're off your head they're
00:04:22
going to get you dude they're going to come find you and kill you did he go back to South Korea then they can't find
00:04:28
him no no no he left North Korea and went somewhere else look at I don't know where it is it was on Tik Tok this how do we take him out how do we take him
00:04:34
out Kim Jong ill do you want to take him out I do see here's my thing because that there's millions of people that live there and they're in poverty and it's like they still believe that we're
00:04:47
getting ready for the war with the us we don't think about you ever you say that
00:04:53
until they start some [ __ ] what if they start some [ __ ] they can't they how who but with
00:05:00
like Russia they could and China but them alone they're like what did you just say with Russia and China they
00:05:06
could oh yeah but I so what are you talking about of course they just them it'd be like no one yeah but Russia and China give no one acts alone other than
00:05:12
Germany and look how that turned out so now the aess of evil could reunite and start another War and why wouldn't they honestly why wouldn't they the time is now be awesome we're they're ready I'm
00:05:24
ready to go dude let's go blow this whole thing up let me ask you something I want post if there if there's a World
00:05:31
War II yeah and you and I were called in there's a draft and we go we need everybody everybody even Carlos even
00:05:39
Carlos and mcon yeah yeah but he's at whole Duty those guys are inside yeah no I mean no he's glor Glory hold Glory dude just sucking off the soldiers before they no no no no I'm just saying
00:05:50
that he you find like if we're in like you know oh I see yeah yeah yeah we're fighting in Hong Kong right and then the the sergeant goes find the glory holes
00:06:01
yeah he knows where they are yeah that's like but we don't put dicks in we put bombs in there oh that's explosiv I was going to say like Notre Dame football
00:06:07
they slap a sign that says play Like A Champion as they go out onto the field they all smack it it's funny if every Soldier before they go to war they just
00:06:13
get to stick their [ __ ] in Carlos's mouth he's just standing next to he's like go ahead anyway if you would you
00:06:20
would you be in the same platoon as me I don't think they would put us in the same platoon well you think there's an
00:06:26
Asian no what are you talking about oh just no no no strength and skill strength and skill strength and skill no
00:06:32
no dude are you pissing me off today dude am I I'm just no I I would call my agents no dude You' never get in this we
00:06:39
never get in the same category that's crazy no platoon are they're like this is the no they have a mix have you seen
00:06:45
no shut the [ __ ] up have you ever seen Saving Private R there's a mixture of different people you know I mean of it
00:06:50
there's the one guy that's scared like you know you know like the [ __ ] um in Sav priv Ryan the guy that plays the uh
00:06:56
interpreter even though I don't know Chinese yeah You' be the inter yeah but I'm just saying I there's got to be something that I can do I'm the Dennis
00:07:03
Hopper character like the Ecentric you know what I mean he man you know I mean war is globalization or whatever I don't
00:07:09
know I say things you know I mean I don't know what do you think I know you'd be you'd be one of the Luna one of
00:07:14
the crazy boys in the bunch yeah but why would you not push for that I wouldn't want there's no way that I could I
00:07:20
wouldn't want you in my platoon but then the whole time I'm at War I'm like you know me what's Andrew doing I have to write you letters I'd be missing you
00:07:26
that'd be so much fun we I'd see you from afar also so if we're in the same platoon think about that then I'm going to see we're going to see each other die
00:07:34
I'd rather sit in a tent at night hoping that you're well writing you letters like a long lost love affair on the
00:07:40
other side of the battle and I want to find out that you die from someone that goes
00:07:46
Soldier no no no The Dumpling was killed at 435 they wouldn't call me The Dumpling yes they would they wouldn't
00:07:52
call me no they all get nicknames in the Army that's what you [ __ ] get everyone get a nickname if somebody called me dumpling I would pull them
00:07:58
like can you change that and they'd be like you got you got a chopstick I want to be Chopstick okay so um so you're
00:08:05
funny dude the Chinese Chad died at 444 a.m. sir let me say something he was Korean all right what does a when when a soldier's at War and they get shot know that they know they're going to die yeah
00:08:16
what is the one person they call out for God no no their mom mom mommy remember giovana risi oh my God heartbreaking can you imagine you
00:08:28
call your mom she's on an IP pad she's like leave me alone yeah well what I'm saying is I would call out for you
00:08:35
Andrew you go mom Andrew and and I'd come running you right Morphine Morphine Bob Bob that's what I want you there all right I'll be there with you I you know what you know
00:08:47
what [ __ ] you I'm not I don't want to be in a platoon with you I just said yes I just Carlos you want to be the same platoon hell yeah no [ __ ] ways he
00:08:53
going to get in there dude he's never going to pass any of the tests oh yeah no we're in a situation where they're never dude they're going to take his
00:08:59
blood be like this can't it's a long War it's a where they went 18 to 35 right now they're at you know okay I'm going to give you a Lord of the Rings a Lord of the Rings reference all right in
00:09:11
the two towers right they gave old men and kids swords to fight right we're in Dire Straits so we're in a position where we're all being called in okay if
00:09:22
they ran out of 18 to 35s are done now they need 40 and UPS yes that's what I'm saying 40 and up yeah so at that point
00:09:29
right I would call write a letter to Congress and go can I be in the same platoon as Carl George you're out you want to be in it n if I'm I'm
00:09:40
I'm fine fighting for you you know he's he's fleeing the country oh he's a Canada well he's one of no he's one of
00:09:46
those Canada Canadian or Mexico you know you could see him in Mexico and he's like you know wearing tiedye right you
00:09:52
know I mean just with a bandana you know what I mean like this and it's like shut the [ __ ] up you coward coward dude you
00:09:58
piece [ __ ] yeah so you call crystals and oh my God you imagine this guy dude in the 60s dude you're one of those guys
00:10:05
Puli boy yeah pachuli boys my Dad pulled the Adventist card to for uh to get out of Vietnam your dad did yeah he said uh
00:10:12
said religious reasons can't fight so that he was uh he went and just got medical tested on for War what was the
00:10:20
the white coats what was the religion Seventh Day Adventist Adventist Adventist Adventist and Adventist do you know these no let me ask you some that thing that Trump like is there flat foot
00:10:31
oh Protestant Christian domination flat feet yeah well for that but that's that's back in the day that was like
00:10:36
back so you know what I would to get out they just give you do sh I wouldn't get flat feet huh I I would claim flat face
00:10:42
flat face dude I would claim flat face could I get out you think you're dude I got flat face guys my friend has flat face all right he's just not a
00:10:53
aerodynamic I'm not aerodynamic the wind is just gonna bounce right off this guy although I could like camouflage myself
00:11:00
on a wall like Rambo yeah dude imagine me just blend it D you bricks on me right and I could just stay there I would stay there for two weeks like this right I
00:11:13
wouldn't even you know with a knife I wouldn't even do that I would just stay there just stay steady yeah yeah yeah how would you
00:11:18
camouflage impossible in fire impos yeah i' I'd have to be a fireball yeah that is amazing Rambo in all mud remember that that's what I would do but I would do it with actual brick wall smart and
00:11:30
they would not see me how could they yeah yeah I saw some of the something was showing out all like the tricks of
00:11:35
the tunnels in Vietnam that the vietnames would dig and they were super intricate dude and how they would try to
00:11:41
trick them to get them in or out but what they would do is they' try to like flood them out a CH chuchi Chunnel
00:11:46
tunnel yeah but look at the tunnel system that they had and they would flood them out with water and bombs and
00:11:51
all sorts of [ __ ] but then the Vietnamese had counteractive [ __ ] for the weapons that the Americans would use so the things that they would have they would like if it was a rope or a pole they would pull on the pole and it would
00:12:03
get caught in a machine so then it would pull the soldier in with it while they were down there and they would have rotating spikes and [ __ ] or they would
00:12:10
could they' they have to crawl in backwards or like upside down cuz it was head first and they would [ __ ] drown
00:12:16
them upside down and backwards imagine I'd be so close claustrophobic oh dude if I forget it I had an MRI yesterday I was claustrophobic I was [ __ ] freaking out I hate the machine and and
00:12:27
all you hear is like what one one one1 and hoi men is the best trail maker Top Trail don't you think look at that girl I'm on vacation she's in vacation you know what it's actually looks pretty solid though I mean yeah structurally it
00:12:40
is structurally yeah then I would just be worried about fire or you know what I mean something trapping you down there
00:12:46
look at that thing narrow that that's so crazy they created an entire network they could like hang out yeah they they
00:12:53
could sleep for days and days in those things and just hide out we've never had like a like have aside from like the
00:12:59
British back in the day you know what I mean yeah we've never had like a country attack us you know what I mean I wonder
00:13:04
what like a 911 what do you mean we had the [ __ ] n yeah but not in a traditional like War where where there's
00:13:10
like troops and you know what I mean and yeah on our soil on our soil yeah we haven't had war on our soil I think we
00:13:15
would destroy people no they wouldn't even get to our soil even in La they like we've got MS13 you know we got people use what we have don't you think we would yeah go get the Crips and stuff
00:13:27
blood hey bro what the [ __ ] dude you pal whatever the you know [ __ ] a Palestinian bro he Palestinian bro yeah
00:13:33
yeah or whoever am I what kind of Chinese are you bro you know I mean dude I'm me I'm from Ralph I'm from here okay good move over man yeah but how who would they fight for that's what's interesting who who would these gangs
00:13:46
fight for well if you're fighting if we were in a war with Mexico but we don't get the mss3 I think we're never going
00:13:51
to be in a war with Mexico yeah we destroy no I mean I think we would never be in a war with ex those those are our
00:13:57
dogs but if you were in war with Russ sure I think that most of the gangs in America would be on our side no you say
00:14:02
that but like think about it some of those gangs have drug ties and those drug ties they don't want the [ __ ]
00:14:08
federal government telling them what to do you're right you know what I mean they get they'd get in bed with like the cartel and whatever government agencies they have power over what a weird in La imagine if we
00:14:21
were like Red Dawn and we were attacked by oh my God it would' be insane where would they hit up first I would be so
00:14:26
scared would you be scared can you imine if they're like we're going to bomb LA and they bomb downtown and you're like
00:14:32
nobody's down there they the wrong they hit the wrong part of the city first they're like and
00:14:38
then and then we're going to bomb North Hollywood you're like yeah bumps kid Road they you won't kill them they're like zombiie no those are no no they're they're undefeated
00:14:50
what does that say is that Newsweek thinks they're going to that's where the centrifuge of War would be well a n
00:14:55
you're talking this is a nuclear bomb bom oh my forget it would happen but it wouldn't even hit Santa Monica oh West
00:15:00
Side safe West Side best side yeah but now we're [ __ ] where we live no dude we're just yeah no we're [ __ ] we're in
00:15:07
the [ __ ] center of it oh yeah yeah what are you going to do no no don't you think that that cuz we're on the other
00:15:13
side of the Hill you don't think the hill would protect us a little bit some of it I think the hill would would get some of like the the radiation fog and
00:15:20
smoke but I think we'd still we'd get a bad leg I'm in the yellow yeah you're in
00:15:25
the oh you're done you're done yeah yeah you're in Los feles or or Silver Lake Los felis I think I'd become a shadow
00:15:31
yes which is awesome you'd be yeah Shadow yeah you Carlos Shadow yeah Carlos Shadow it's interesting and his
00:15:38
mouth is like this yeah wow that that would be I mean that was that would be the way to you know I mean destroy us bomb but that's what it says nuclear bomb shows the impact of new Gravity
00:15:49
weapon of the biggest US cities Wow Wow that's scary let's hope that doesn't happen let's hope it doesn't happen or
00:15:56
I'm on the road yeah I want to be gone yeah I've always imagined that like if I was on the road and I was LA's taken out
00:16:01
like oh well no I got two more sets tonight so I got to it would be terrible I mean imagine dude they wouldn't hit La
00:16:08
first though you would no who would you worry about you're on the road yeah my well my wife and my dog that's number
00:16:14
one this studio you guys yeah you first well you'd be on the road too yeah I'd be on the road and then what would you do like if I was you were in Cleveland and I was like in Denver or whatever Vice ver whatever say and then um and we
00:16:28
would be morning cuz you know I would lose so many people you would lose many right and then our cell phone still
00:16:34
worked mhm and then we well you think in a day we would call each other or a couple of days it dep I don't know see you know and who knows if we could get a hold of anybody you know how like they
00:16:45
have like cell phones crash when all that stuff goes down you know like 911 no one could like call anybody and the phones are down and all that I'm just
00:16:51
thinking hypothetically if like the satellites aren't down and we could call would you I think in the within the
00:16:58
first 12 hours we would text each other 100% yeah right away you are you okay you good no I would text you are you
00:17:04
going to sell your house yeah yeah yeah you to keep your house and then what would we what would
00:17:10
you I mean honestly what would you do like like would the banks be working like could we get money out no no we're
00:17:17
done once it starts it's over oh [ __ ] that's what I'm saying dude load up that's that's crazy get golden guns at
00:17:24
your house I would relapse immediately I'd be there with you we would meet yeah I would probably try to get to wherever
00:17:30
Denver let's in Denver let's meet somewhere in the middle let's do heroin in Missouri yeah and then we' just be heroin guys fine whatever who cares I
00:17:38
know you know what I mean if that's the end that's the end yeah I want to go out like a dude I had to do my will today this morning I had to do like my living
00:17:44
will oh my God and when you have to decide like he literally was like um step by step he's like if you're if you
00:17:51
are in a tragic accident in your brain is incapacitated right like your brain your brain dead essentially how long do
00:17:57
you want to be alive ooh how long did you say I had to do it today how long do you think I I
00:18:03
said your brain I'm brain dead but there but I'm you know in a I'm in a vegetative state but there's hope that I
00:18:10
might come back or you never you know what I mean but they ask you how long a month interesting what do you guys think zero minutes Zer what about you uh one
00:18:17
week one week George is actually right you know why I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you but you
00:18:22
said that there could be a possibility that you can be alive there is a possibility why wouldn't you give more than a week then just one week I said
00:18:28
one week they can come say goodbye because I don't want to put the burden of me being in a vegetative state on other people I want to put the burden I
00:18:33
know you do yeah yeah I'm burden guy yeah you're 10 years yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm a 10 year guy you're 10 years yeah everyone I want everyone to come I know
00:18:40
one I said one week for the family to come say goodbye and then after that it says drug drug induced this it's a lot of money though that's wasted that's
00:18:47
what I mean yeah but I don't want my family to have my money so just put the money in well that was the next question
00:18:52
after all that stuff was like who gets your funds and all this [ __ ] so what' you do well do I get any in the
00:18:58
event in the event that I don't like that smile do I get any well first of all my
00:19:04
wife gets all of it and then in the yeah in the event that she's not around she won't be trust me
00:19:11
okay in the event that let's say both of us died tragically together yeah uh it gets it goes to my parents and let's say if my parents aren't alive then it goes to my sister and if
00:19:24
my sister's not alive it goes to my dog and if my dog no my dog okay if and if you haven't eaten my dog by this point no it's no no no it it goes to then my sister and then after that it goes to
00:19:37
uh three or four different charities one of which being children's hospital they don't need the money yes
00:19:44
they do okay my bad kids having cancer is the worst thing in the [ __ ] there is literally no greater crime the
00:19:50
universe commits than giving children [Applause] cancering you wouldn't need my money
00:19:56
interestings interesting you would never give me any of your money when you're dead that would you would you're in my [ __ ] will you don't get a lot but you're in it well then I'll change it am I really
00:20:08
yeah how much do I get everyone's in it well tell me how much I get like 20 grand [ __ ] you 20 [ __ ] grand for all
00:20:15
I've done for you you know how much money I have a hundred grand in the bank well then give me the hundred no my mom
00:20:21
my brother you we have the same thing but I give everyone something I think your mom gets all of it and if she's not around Steve gets all of it no that's
00:20:27
all I I have everyone gets something Abby gets something everyone gets something Abby gets something my manager
00:20:32
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00:24:01
bad friends that's my point though that's why I'm going to give it to a charity because what do I [ __ ] I care
00:24:06
no give charity okay we should give it away well can I have something of yours you actually do what I can't tell you I think you're lying dude now you do get
00:24:17
something and now we get to the the topic of death and I'm it's not death no no no it's just a beautiful way of you
00:24:23
have to frame your life while you're here and they tell you you're not young anymore you got to [ __ ] set up a thing in case you go away so in case
00:24:29
this World War III happens in 2025 that we're in but when you see like a celebrity die at 53 cuz I'm 53 right you
00:24:36
go because I Feel So Young still and you you just kind of go oh [ __ ] it can happen at any time Ricky Henderson died the the baseball player I know this episode will be out significantly after
00:24:47
but how old how old was he young dude I think he was 63 which [ __ ] that [ __ ] me up I think he he died of 65
00:24:54
and he died of pneumonia what which never [ __ ] maybe he had preexist conditions something else so Bobby this
00:25:01
guy the way you love the way you love uh football player soccer players this guy
00:25:06
was the man like he was the well I mean he was he didn't play for anything that I love he was just back in when I was a
00:25:13
kid he was he was incredible Ricky Henderson was the [ __ ] man so fast so and like a supreme athlete literally
00:25:19
never heard of him look at the size of his [ __ ] legs those are in those are that's big I'm not joking that's bigger than your body that's bigger than your
00:25:25
stomach I'm not kidding but 65 is so young that's what scares me yeah it's pretty young I mean that's so young
00:25:31
you're you're how was how old was Bob sagot well Bob was a tragic accident how old was he I think he was in his mid-50s
00:25:38
or late 50s 50 it was 60s he was he was 60 65 whoa yeah that that that [ __ ] me
00:25:46
up well that was a horrible accident that should have never happened so that he would have lived significantly longer he wasn't sick or anything that was just
00:25:52
a bad accident what a good guy anyway um no more death no more let's not talk about death anymore let's talk about
00:25:57
life let talk about the birth of life let's talk about a a birth of Life the ancient bige head people scientists
00:26:03
uncover a lost human in Asia with an abnormally large skull that lived alongside Homo sapiens a 100,000 they're
00:26:09
called Asians what are you talking about big head people that's what they did that's just what they call just call
00:26:14
them Asians dude is that what they just called them big head people yeah yeah look at how
00:26:19
okay how big is it I can't from that photo I can't tell this is what they like a mockup of
00:26:26
then he looks what the [ __ ] that looks like what's his name who works at the store yeah
00:26:32
yeah but is that why Koreans have such big heads cuz they intermingled a little bit yeah that's right yeah there's a um
00:26:39
I don't know what the people were called in in Korea or in Japan but there was a there's a type of people that were they
00:26:45
didn't look Asian but they're mixed with Asians and that's why Japanese people look the way they do it's nicotine okay
00:26:53
I'm not fing weed at work I don't know dude we don't know anymore we don't know anymore we don't and we know we know we
00:26:58
know how about that how about we know yeah we know bro I'm not smoking weed at work they like Vape whenever you've seen me Vape you're smoking weed outside of
00:27:04
work though I'm not vaping weed or anything like that I'm not dude what's the truth the
00:27:11
truth is that but did you take something last week what do you mean what do you mean
00:27:17
oh at bad here at work m i dude I never come to work High okay but you do it off
00:27:23
of work I have yes a little bit but I'm not like cuz when I saw you in that Alleyway when I saw you in the alleyway you did look stoned you looked stoned dude when when I caught you in the
00:27:35
alleyway dude that was a whole were you not high I was not high that night I was embarrassed because I was with a girl no
00:27:41
dude there's something going on what do you mean you were embarrassed you with a girl that's no there was a girl and a guy oh right and they were doing some
00:27:47
sort of Tri like some sexual three-way and I was did you have a threesome no I didn't but I was embarrassed Bobby
00:27:53
caught me like striking out with a girl oh well that's kind of funny yeah but but I didn't bring like you've never seen me Vape weed in Australia here ever never did you did you hook up with the
00:28:05
guy and not the girl no but he was like more in interested in like talking to me
00:28:10
it was weird what is with you he dm' me later really yeah yeah yeah oh yeah I watched this reality show this weekend and I only related to the gay man on it okay
00:28:22
anyway what's going on what's it called Mexican dynasties I loved it have I seen
00:28:27
this have we seen this Mexican Dynasty meican reality show it's so good about rich people in Mexico City oh oh wow we
00:28:35
now I have to watch that yeah cuz Rich Mexicans are my favorite they're my favorite yeah yeah great restaurants in
00:28:40
Mexico City I hear I mean IE at McDon is that the people what juman right what are they
00:28:46
called juman Jo Joan people people so they at one point they look like um a Spanish midfield soccer player okay and then they mixed it with
00:28:58
you know I mean a regular age right right and then it the Japanese occurred but at one point they look like that
00:29:04
it's interesting when people it is funny when the more mixing there is as time has gone on yeah like like Tiger Woods
00:29:11
look at his kids he just he's playing in this thing with his son obviously let me see what Tiger Woods looks like but he's
00:29:17
got a daughter and a son but it's like you couldn't tell what that kid is you'd have no idea what that kid the kid
00:29:22
Islander they always look Hawaiian Pacific Islander at the end of the day when you mix enough they're Hawaiian yeah yeah yeah what are you Hawaiian you
00:29:29
know who's cute Jordan Peele and Chelsea paretti's kid there's no photo I did see
00:29:34
a photo I may it was a through a text or something he was like really cute like handsome almost that's a big thing
00:29:40
people now celebrities they put their kids up on the internet but they cover their face with like a smiley face like an ice cream
00:29:46
cone it's weird why then then why even have the photo itself do you know what I mean like why
00:29:52
put up the P if you don't want to have your family on there don't put them on there but then why put them on there and then cover up their face that seems so
00:29:58
strange it's like just do it or don't do it do you like I miss Jordan do you ever
00:30:03
Miss people yeah I mean I don't know him I don't miss him CU I don't know him I miss uh I used to hang out with him
00:30:09
every day for so long and then I just kind of miss him well I stayed on the phone last night with Jay Larson for
00:30:14
like an hour because the story I love that guy so much he's the best dude he's a great guy so funny and dude we called
00:30:21
each other cuz it was like the old days the hallway was like dude I saw you that was good it just felt like the old like
00:30:26
the old days old days yeah yeah yeah so Jay called me and he and I or I called Jay and we both said the same thing I
00:30:31
was like dude that felt like it used to feel when it was like I don't know when the store had people coming and going
00:30:37
more and everyone was finally in town that was fun yeah it was great it's a fun yeah but I miss there are some guys
00:30:42
that I miss no I want to can you be completely honest with me because um you did great last I wasn't going to say
00:30:48
anything oh boy but um I'll just get it out of the way um mhm when I walked into the Improv and I saw you in the dark yeah I got the vibe
00:31:00
of you going get away from me was that true no you know better no no I'm being real when when have I ever done that you
00:31:06
were sitting there on your phone you look up at me I look at you and then you went back into your phone and I just
00:31:13
left the room no that's what happened no I know but I because it was quiet in the room but if when I see you at the store
00:31:18
we always say hi what do you mean okay no I'll tell you what it really was is I was back yeah I was in the middle of a little pain little pain moment and I was
00:31:26
sitting there in pain until the till the drugs kicked kicked in that was a good fun improv spot it was great I thought
00:31:31
they were good yeah they were very good yeah yeah they were very good except uh that girl who left in your set also left
00:31:38
in my set I hate that what are you doing I mean that I I in the middle of a setup
00:31:44
you don't go you don't stand up in the front row yeah dude and leave I I have to say something where you going where
00:31:50
the [ __ ] are you going right now right now yeah right now yeah yeah there's there's there's an obvious piss break
00:31:57
which is when the host goes up yeah and brings people on that's your way out in between Comics yeah yeah or or yeah sit
00:32:05
it out in the middle of the set it's a joke joke joke and then when there's a little break between jokes then get up
00:32:10
and get out as fast as you can but not when you're like in the middle of a setup it's like right when you're starting to tell a joke and someone's
00:32:16
like and they get and you're like yeah because then everybody goes what's that guy doing is he gonna where do he headed
00:32:22
to in the main room something happened where I I told one joke that I knew that some people aren't going to like and
00:32:29
then I look to my left and these two girls were so tuned out at me I stop the show and I look at them and go ah you
00:32:34
guys are tuned out and one girl did this and this isn't even fun I don't know what she was doing she just goes like this she
00:32:39
goes oh she showed you her feet and put her feet in my face right with two feet coming up right I go what the [ __ ] is
00:32:46
that and I just walk to the other side of the stage I go that's [ __ ] weird I've never seen that before my like what
00:32:52
the [ __ ] are you doing it was almost was like [ __ ] you yeah double [ __ ] double [ __ ] with my feet yeah [ __ ] you I'm
00:32:59
going to ask you another thing is have you ever had this happen you're at a club Comedy Club yeah
00:33:05
there's a woman there yeah very attractive sure but there's crazy in their eyes oh yeah and so then you have
00:33:12
to and she was like she you know and I can tell that when she gave me a hug it was like her chest into me and then she
00:33:18
wouldn't let go oh wow right she was going to kill you right and I and I and she goes she looks at me like what are
00:33:25
we doing and I go oh no I I'm seeing somebody oh she was looking to yeah cuz Carlos have you ever met anybody that you're like I think it's crazy and I
00:33:37
can't do it or do you do it he goes for 60 40 like when I was younger I would do
00:33:42
it more now I try not to but also fail so I usually do I think it's 100% fail for you yeah I usually do yeah yeah yeah yeah don't do 6040 don't do 6040 I know I try how about you when I see people
00:33:53
crazy eyes yeah crazy eyes immediately I run for the [ __ ] Hill she was hot but
00:33:59
crazy eyes yeah the hot ones do have crazy eyes yeah yeah but if she's hot I know but it's like I I I understand that
00:34:06
I was it was a it was a dilemma MH you did the right thing I think so because you don't want crazy eyes in the morning
00:34:13
she's like I moved in I know yeah that's what I mean that's my U-Haul front I figured that's okay yeah yeah or when
00:34:19
they say crazy things like I make fresh pasta from scratch oh no see I'm intrigued you are yeah no no a fresh
00:34:26
pasta I'm into a fresh frh pasta your third line in I make I'm I'm you know what I mean I'm Candace right C I live
00:34:34
in LA I make fresh pasta you do from scratch that's crazy I would love fresh pasta oh third in you're fine fresh
00:34:41
pasta she didn't say I like hand pluck go Goose Feathers she's not like I [ __ ] kill geese in my backyard it's
00:34:48
some arbitrary like information that like shouldn't be in the third thing as long as the arbitrary information is
00:34:54
something cool like I make something neat I do an artistic thing that's cool but if she said okay I'm going to say
00:35:00
something okay hi Hi how are you my name is Lisbon hey Lisbon I live in Burbank oh oh great yeah I know Burbank yeah and you know the end of lamp fixtures I suck on those you do crazy I love it I have
00:35:17
so many lamps my house my house is filled with lamp so that's not nuts to you not at all okay hi hey hi yeah um
00:35:24
hey Bobby I'm such a big fan what's your name chandela chandela chandela like Chandelier and Andrea chandela okay hi chandela that's my mom was a chandelier uh
00:35:37
salesperson okay my dad's name was Andrea okay what's the arbitrary thing my name is chandela
00:35:43
yes I live on the West Side okay I live by Santa Monica it's it's yeah I know what the west side I know what the west
00:35:49
side if we have a nuclear bomb it won't get to us I Google do you know that yeah I do
00:35:56
any I flush my teeth with with my own hair I just want to let you know that yeah yeah what do you say that's fine that wouldn't turn you off I don't think that would turn me off she takes her hair flosses her teeth puts it
00:36:08
back yeah I that like when women do that that wouldn't turn you off that turns you off if she use her hair to floss
00:36:16
that turn you off me too way more than me too then more than sucking on a lamp [ __ ]
00:36:24
thing yeah yeah no I think that's pretty normal if you floss with your hair and then put your hair back like it never happened and this is every day yeah what
00:36:30
about this when a PE I had a girl we were taking a shower together and she peed in the shower love I love that pee
00:36:37
on me yeah but you know what and I'm I'm fine with that oh but when I poo in the bathtub insane
00:36:44
it's Armageddon it is it should be yeah yeah yeah it's like whoa you could do that and I can't [ __ ] when I'm taking a
00:36:50
bath two different things they are yeah completely okay I don't know you know that yeah but um hi what hi I'm
00:36:59
cassette like like a tape cassette I don't know what that is I'm 25 oh hey cassette hi I'm such a big fan
00:37:07
of bad friends oh thank you cassette I love you anyway I got a um another set to do I I live in Venice do you want to
00:37:14
come over to my house you what what on what street Lincoln Wayward oh I know yeah very specific I collect dead pigeons I embal them and my house is filled with them you're taxidermy
00:37:29
no what do you call it I call it just pigeon girl I'm pigeon girl oh yeah I'm out really I'm [ __ ] out I have huge
00:37:40
tits okay what else and I love Korean men that's a win well third thing and then I'm in give me one good one I homemade I make homemade pasta I'm
00:37:52
out I'm out yeah yeah yeah but if she okay I want to say if she looked like margar Robbie hot right so hot hot so hot right God she's so beautiful and she
00:38:03
had crazy eyes yeah right the floss would be fine I think the pasta would be fine pasta's obviously fine yeah it's fine dead pigeons all over the house Taxidermy pigeon I think I dead pigeons
00:38:14
would be fine too if it's Margot Robbie Margo Robbie yeah what about you if you were not with your wife I would have to get in and get out I'd be like look let's hang out once but if you start
00:38:24
with pigeons where else does it go you that were them with the pigeon lady yeah no what if I mean this is what happens cuz you know what Trisha P said you knock up a pigeon lady no but you know
00:38:36
how there are women in at Hollywood clubs that seek celebrities to get impregnated by them oh yeah there's a
00:38:42
lot of those I know you got to be careful you're out there [ __ ] hanging out having fun being single and it's like you never know some girl could be
00:38:48
Miss Lee I know but what I do is I do um edging and I Edge and I don't come do you do that I have yeah but you know edging still leaks a little bit know your pipes aren't closed anymore why
00:39:01
does it leak because you're we're getting older you're going to leak like after you go to the bathroom after you take a piss you piss your pants a little bit
00:39:10
afterwards I do I know how do you know how you we all do okay good but as you get older it gets worse my dad sometimes
00:39:18
will piss his actual pants it does he'll just piss his pants yeah yeah yeah he'll be like oh God damn it a spot like this
00:39:23
big you know how do you ever have you caught me smelling my panis what you never caught me doing have you caught me doing that smelling it you've caught me George right no yeah yeah yeah
00:39:34
what I'll do is and it's quick I just oh I've seen you do that you seen me do that right it's because of the leaking
00:39:41
oh you want to make sure you're not leaking too much yeah yeah yeah you leak don't you Carlos yeah those pip those pipes leak
00:39:48
George leaks for sure so my so my when my brother was um 12 years old he had a neighborhood kid this Jewish kid that came over and my brother had um a Casio keyboard that my parents had bought him
00:39:59
for his birthday yeah and when my dad took naps right if you made if a a feather fell on the ground forget it it's it's the incredible the yellow
00:40:11
Incredible Hulk it's like you know what I mean like all right so my brother was playing keyboards right my dad took naps
00:40:18
naked why so this is broad daylight on a Saturday right my dad walks into my brother's room completely naked right my he takes the keyboard and smashes it on
00:40:31
my brother's back chees are flying out right but when he turned around my brother and um his friend laughed because what did they say your dad's little Korean penis no he turned around
00:40:44
leaving the room oh his ass the Korean kite my dad used to sleep with a bunch of toilet paper jammed in his butthole and the [ __ ] toilet paper would be sticking out he' look like a Korean kite
00:40:57
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instantly book a top rated doctor today that's zo do.com badri zach.com badri and the reason why I didn't know until now I know my age and I have to
00:44:56
stick toilet paper why you leak or something there's a little bit of leakage sometimes at night or just when
00:45:01
you 247 when you sleep right now you have TP up I'm on o zic right now so it clogs it up right but in just
00:45:08
regular sometimes really yeah so I have to like and what I do is I don't know if you know that notice I don't know why
00:45:14
I'm revealing this this is so disgusting give it to me well I'm already giving it to you well go okay this is so
00:45:20
disgusting I don't know I should say that but I'm going to do I [ __ ] it I don't care but it's like um if you notice I work I have bottles of cologne
00:45:27
on me all the time right in your car and have wet naps sure right on the go so this is an emergency kit so what I do is at The Lax or whatever right dude when we're traveling that's
00:45:40
what you're doing you go wipe off the leak and spray spray spray I spray on the pad on the [ __ ] wet wet ones I've
00:45:48
smelled it right then I do the thing right just in case just in case there's leakage yeah you don't have emergency things like that anybody in the room please back up anybody we're not over 50
00:45:58
oh that's true no it's just I think it's I think that's hereditary I think that's your family I think it's your dad yeah so my dad um I think I'm a Korean kite
00:46:05
as well you should start walking around with it in there just in case you know yeah my dad used to I mean dude one time man my dad my dad my
00:46:19
mom [ __ ] up on rice she [ __ ] up rice when when Koreans [ __ ] up rice people get mad
00:46:25
that's divorce yeah yeah that's how that's how marriages end so the dry rice was way too dry oh yeah so my brother
00:46:32
and I my mom and dad were at the dinner table and my dad and you know you know um Korean food what's the great thing
00:46:39
about Korean food when it comes when you're at a Korean restaurant all the little the little the little sides yeah
00:46:44
yeah hund so you know my mom did the same thing there's like 15 little tiny you know what I mean oh I love that it's
00:46:50
the best right love that and the Little Grill on the table right snack and the rice was a little too dry uh once I took
00:46:57
the bite of the rice my mind went oh oh no dry rice dry rice right R my dad took
00:47:05
the table and threw it into the ceiling and all the ponchon stuck to the ceiling
00:47:11
and it rained kimchi right no I'm not kidding you dude and it was like oh my mom was running from my dad it was insane kimchi rain so if you're Korean don't make the dry make it perfect the
00:47:22
rice make the rice perfect yeah see my parents so much trauma my parents never cooked my mom wasn't a big cook my dad's
00:47:29
favorite meal of my mom's is called burnt chicken really it's called burnt chicken
00:47:35
no sauce no there's a fuckload of sauce all everything is sauce what kind of sauce she does like a she does like a
00:47:41
homemade it's like a honey barbecue with it's got a homemade barbecue with a a a Teriyaki base you know it's like a terak b that's a good
00:47:52
that's a good but it's burned chicken it's chicken that they burned did you ever do hungry man the Hungry Man meals
00:47:58
yeah the frozen meal meal love those yeah my favorite thing of the Hungry Man meal is that little dessert section like
00:48:03
the Apple the brownie or apple thing or whatever oh it's the best you never did hungry man's no I've done it before I
00:48:09
know the brown your parents doctors he didn't have to do that stuff doctors fed you no I had in La what my favorite was
00:48:15
turkey and the little stuffing gravy one with the mashed potatoes what is that green peas and the little that's a
00:48:22
Hungry Man one that was a hungry man yeah and there's I just don't do frozen pasta do you that in college I did a lot
00:48:29
bag of sters you know the sters meals I used to do those and one time I was visiting my buddy Tyler and in DC and I
00:48:35
had a late night flight and it was storming outside storming and uh Tyler and I you know we used to get high together all the time that's how we met in high school smoking weed at lunch and I have a late night flight he makes one
00:48:47
of those stofers look at the stofers two for one pasta bags he makes one of these stoer late night pasta bags right one of
00:48:53
those right there and that bag it was a bag right exactly like gr aago chicken right so he grills up one of these things you know feeds me before I catch my flight we're in college and I'm
00:49:06
sitting there and I go to the bathroom and I'm like feeling kind of out of it and I'm like Jesus Christ what am I doing I go back and sit down and I'm
00:49:12
like feeling funky and I'm already kind of anxious because it's it's a it's a midnight flight or whatever pouring down rain and he goes uh are you stoned I go
00:49:20
what not stoned do you feel stoned I go why he goes I put a huge chunk of weed butter in the stove for Skillets I was like wait Ser are you serious he goes oh yeah I put a fuckload in there he's like
00:49:31
I figur it' be good for your flight I was like no bad bad bad did you get high so [ __ ] high I was so were you mad I
00:49:38
was no I couldn't be mad I was scared yeah yeah yeah I was like how how am I going to get to the airport how am I get to go home he's like oh what do you mean
00:49:43
you'll catch a cab you'll be fine don't worry about it Panic the whole that was somebody did that to me now oh sober
00:49:50
I'll would be yeah no a free one no dude I got way too high should I do it as a surprise no [ __ ] you sh no cuz now it's
00:49:57
not yeah yeah idiot if I eat a bowl of pasta you gave me there's no way I would know secretly that you did it I imine you dose his pasta but because you're OIC he can't finish it never even gets high I know wow dude
00:50:11
so many of our friends are on OIC I know it's crazy how many people are talking to me about it or whatever the other one
00:50:16
is that you're on wa goie there's a a couple bunch of different ones the amount of people and I can't name names it's not my business to say but the
00:50:22
amount of people that have told me so privately are on it so many I'm blowing my mind I feel like I it's like a thing
00:50:28
it's almost like a thing I'm finding out that you know when you find out as you get older something your parents did that you're like everybody did that yeah
00:50:34
your parents like yeah we just didn't don't worry about it shut up I like I had no idea that many people took this [ __ ] it really does work though it's I I
00:50:41
can't believe it I know I can believe it it's it's a it's what it's you know it's supposed to help people stop [ __ ]
00:50:47
eating and it's working like you when because i' I've been taking this girl out to Blvd yeah yeah yeah yeah and even
00:50:54
me I'm you know what I order there I go give me as my meal I get the three sauteed shrimp that's so good they are so good right and I'll get some um you know halet um cich you right and that's
00:51:08
it and that's all night that's the only thing I'll eat what yeah you won't even have a piece of steak no what no she ate a [ __ ] Tomahawk like this no dessert
00:51:19
nothing no dessert nothing that's I can't get anything else in that's incredible you eat it you're like I'm
00:51:26
done I can't I'm about to vomit God this amazing it's amazing it is a miracle and then you don't get like um hunger pains
00:51:32
at night what about yeah in the middle of the night you sometimes I do eat cereal in the middle of the night yeah and I'll eat either my favorite is I
00:51:38
love golden grams oh GG's right I like cinnamon life I like cinnamon life cinnamon life
00:51:46
my friend well here's why you like it what cuz the milk is phenomenal I I want to do cinnamon life and just bottle that
00:51:51
milk afterwards sell cinnamon life smart you're break why don't they do that that's what's your least favorite cereal
00:51:56
this is easy oh it's so easy Captain Crunch cuz it cuts your tongue and your mouth I hate the flavor everything about
00:52:02
it but the peanut butter Captain Crunch is pretty good I can't eat it I hate it what about like blueberries hate it wow
00:52:08
I'm going to tell you right now what I like count chocula is that like Fruity Pebbles no
00:52:14
count chocolate is like a iteration of Captain CR okay Fruity Pebbles anything fruity pebbly I like I don't like that uh do you like anything that doesn't come with a toy
00:52:27
just make it up for under ice being gone yeah well you're doing a great job cuz he's just as shitty as you that's the
00:52:34
same bomb that that that that that that makes me mad that that right there is ruined it
00:52:41
it all for me let's keep moving okay Coco Pebbles is the same as fruity pebbl I like the I like anything pebbly you
00:52:47
are a pebble guy I'm a pebble guy and then I'll show okay so um hold on Fruit Loops no no so so Apple Jacks are out
00:52:55
there wow wow crazy Apple Jacks are so good here what I do like I like um the the Frosted Mini Wheats H yeah okay first of all it absorbs the milk it's great it's the best they need more
00:53:07
frosting no I like the one side the frosting should go all the way around that's not true at all frosting should go it's too much it's too much no you're
00:53:13
then you're eating just shredded Wheats cuz by the way sometimes the I'll say this listen up dude those things are the best listen up Kelloggs yeah I'll tell
00:53:20
you what pisses me off about Frosted Mini Wheats lately they've been skipping on the frost a lot of times I'll see a
00:53:26
mini wheat there the whole thing the whole one side isn't frosted it'll be a little piece of frost look at that long
00:53:31
piece of [ __ ] sometimes you get a double down I don't want to double one no I love that all right so I suck it
00:53:37
like this right I know you do so and I've talked about this before I think I don't know where but and I've had to campaign because in the late 70s early
00:53:48
80s yeah um there was one thing that was the greatest thing ever made it was the
00:53:56
Great greatest thing ever made it's what I survived on I I if I think about it today my mouth Waters all right give me the initials I can guess it you're never going to guess it give me the initials
00:54:07
I'll just say Carnation oh instant the Instant Breakfast no in the early ' 80s there was a
00:54:14
carnation breakfast bar oh you told us about this right the breakfast bar and they stopped making it and if you go
00:54:19
online people still want the recipe I remember this thing yeah it is the was the greatest breakfast thing the way it fell apart in your mouth the crunch the
00:54:31
crunch the crumble everything about it I would take I would buy 15 boxes at the [ __ ] thing is Carnation still a
00:54:37
company look that up do they still exist yeah they are they do but they don't make those bars anymore somebody owns them though somebody's got to remake
00:54:43
that why don't we [ __ ] we we should do bad friends Carnation breakfast bars who owns Carnation now look that up
00:54:49
nesle oh they do yeah oh nestly parent coming Frasier and Ne and I think people have tried online I've read on red and some people try to make it I I don't think they' I think they've failed it's there's something magical about it well
00:55:01
the magic is gone it's gone isn't it funny when you find out who owns something like the other day I looked up Jet Blue because I was like they were
00:55:07
booking Me On A Jet Blue flight because I got to fly for this gig and I was like oh yeah Jet Blue and then look who owns
00:55:13
Jet Blue by the way because I was looking up what the oh my God wait hold on hold on hold on hold on before you get to it I was looking up what the
00:55:20
flight that like are they owned by United like they had a partnership right that's what I was looking for for their points or whatever m and then I
00:55:27
accidentally looked up who owns it zoom in look at this black rock Vanguard Black Rock dude I don't know
00:55:33
who that is one of the largest [ __ ] like Venture Capital conglomerate they own the world wow they're probably the
00:55:40
[ __ ] they're probably the biggest purveyors of like War black rock is basically [ __ ] I mean they make
00:55:46
everything look what they own as of December black Rock's market cap net worth is $19 billion the world's largest
00:55:53
money management firm they own everything wow they have 11.5 trillion trillion in assets which means they
00:55:59
which means they're [ __ ] trillion yeah because they're they're military they make military trillion yeah oh yeah Big
00:56:05
T um imagine being what would you do if you were a trillionaire you'd never see me again oh
00:56:12
yeah you'd see me no on everything put yourself on billboards all up down clouds the clouds would be my face you
00:56:20
it's that a CL you would look up all the clouds would be oh they're Bobby seating again so [ __ ] and rad yeah private
00:56:27
military companies Black Water Oh Black Rock not black water that's black water no but Black Rock does uh military uh Contracting yeah they do Contracting right trillion well dude you saw what
00:56:39
happened the other day to [ __ ] Elon Musk right since Trump's election he made $40
00:56:46
billion because of uh because of his stock options and everything like that shot through the roof between X SpaceX
00:56:53
uh X Tesla 43 9 billion 439 billion billion dollars yeah yeah yeah look at that Jeff Bezos 237 nice try
00:57:05
[ __ ] he's getting married who is Bezos he's getting married yeah in Aspen I think uh this weekend are you going did you get invited no no surprised you're not we should all get invited for how
00:57:17
many Amazon P my house is an Amazon [ __ ] Factory the amount of [ __ ] my wife gets up from Amazon comical no it's
00:57:24
honestly at this point the [ __ ] driver the other day goes back again wow back again that's what he says is she
00:57:30
addicted I'm addicted is she addicted she's bad addicted yeah yeah what' she get like just [ __ ] it's all [ __ ]
00:57:35
for the house it's it's like it's stuff it's small stuff for the house and you don't yell at her ever no why who gives
00:57:41
a [ __ ] so if it's just funny to me I'm like more [ __ ] wait so does she say to you do she say you know I spent $4,200
00:57:49
this week no she doesn't spend that it's not like that it's it's just small stuff yeah but she she she doesn't have to go
00:57:55
to you and go hey I SP this no why okay that's great what a great dad husband dad brother husband what a great dad husand you know some some guys are like that like hey sweetie I want to see the
00:58:06
receipts or you know what I mean no cuz she's not buying crazy [ __ ] she's just buying like she's so if she did spend
00:58:11
like 22 $22,000 on something would she tell you yeah we'd have to have a conversation $22,000 I'd be like what
00:58:19
was it what what was it did you buy high heels baby you bought $222,000 high heels no I bought like 14 of them that led up to 22,000 so don't yell at me no
00:58:32
well I am yeah yeah yeah that's a lot of money why are we spending $22,000 on shoes I like them I know that you like
00:58:37
them but could you get less than 14 no you need them yeah you promise yes all right it's fine and you're fine with it
00:58:43
I guess if you say you need them what am I going to do if you say you need them what am I what am I going to say yeah
00:58:48
then because then it's like then I want to go buy something fun for me and cuz she could be like why do you want that car I really love cars what's the
00:58:55
justification right we all have our [ __ ] that the our partner could go well that's stupid as [ __ ] and by the way it probably is shoes are dumb clothes are dumb cars are dumb toys are
00:59:07
dumb but like I want we want them so [ __ ] it guess what the number one thing I buy off of Tik Tok and Instagram and I
00:59:14
get something every week sex toys no pants no shoes slides what's the slide mean sandals flip he's right that's it comfy sandals no oh oh oh uh um a thing
00:59:26
for the a thing for the cats yes I [ __ ] oh I did that and it never came I was so mad thing for the cats you know why then
00:59:33
I bought it on Amazon the same thing and the cat didn't even play with it that's why that's why you have to buy a lot you
00:59:39
got to BU you got to buy more I buy everything a bird a mechanical Bird right right you charge it right and the cat just kind of walk by it they don't give a [ __ ] dude you got to keep trying
00:59:50
yeah I keep trying I bought a scratching pot that looked like an Asian Temple oh cute and it's it's it's right outside my
00:59:57
when I left the house today the box was there so I'm going to assemble it when I get back that's I can't wait yeah stuff
01:00:02
for the animal I'll buy anything for the dog I don't give a [ __ ] yeah but when I say she if she spent like look if she had a problem if it was bad and she
01:00:09
spent too much money where it was like scary yeah we'd have a conversation about it but you know what I mean it it
01:00:15
would have to be like what the [ __ ] going on but that was the thing I think about sometimes like you hear these stories later in life people that are
01:00:21
like the spouse was spending crazy money and and they didn't know do you know what I mean like you up stories where
01:00:26
they're like they had a gambling addiction and they were you know what happened no sometimes the wife is so in debt and
01:00:33
she's hiding from the husband yeah and then they kills the husband I've seen a couple of those have you seen a couple
01:00:40
they kill them cuz they don't want yeah you'd rather kill me than tell me we're in debt yeah know I know [ __ ] tell me
01:00:46
yeah or the worst and then what happens when you tell me that we're in debt yo then I kill you yeah yeah that's why but
01:00:54
or what would you do if you found out that your wife put a hit on you I've seen a couple of those too it turned me
01:01:00
on a little bit but how that would destroy me it'd be kind of hot though at first you'd want to [ __ ] it out at first
01:01:06
what do you mean c You' be like you tried to [ __ ] kill me yeah I forgive you but we got to [ __ ] a lot we got to
01:01:12
[ __ ] a lot dude yeah yeah if if if I found out my wife put a hit on on me it'd be kind of it would turn me on for
01:01:17
the creativity of It kind of rad where'd you find these guys divorce though I don't know that be real might be fight
01:01:23
to the death yeah how about you how about you do it George oh I'd just move away I'd hide would you
01:01:30
get divorced though no I wouldn't even I would not pass go I'd just be I'd be in the middle of Montana oh yeah see
01:01:35
National Park but your kids though kids what kids gone you take the kids if I had time but if they if if they were daycare I'd just be gone [ __ ] first Grayhound out of what a man well you
01:01:47
know what it is you're a real man dude he doesn't want his kids or his wife he's gone this guy's dreaming in the
01:01:52
mountains in his mind he wants to run away by a little river do you have enough to Ving them I yeah but you're like you know Ted kazinski or whatever
01:01:58
is that yeah oh yeah he was poor that was his real problem is that he didn't get any I listened to a whole podcast
01:02:03
his name Ted kazinski yeah unial right yeah yeah yeah yeah him and his brother were real weirdos yeah you would wear I
01:02:09
have a beard you'd be like making things in the [ __ ] shed make his own clothes yeah yeah oh my God you'd be so weird
01:02:15
Carlos what would you do if your significant other put a hit on on you oh I'd call the FBI and thank you snitch
01:02:21
[ __ ] rat snitch brat no [ __ ] her I oh getting divorced is it's like a cheat code oh now I get to be single I'd
01:02:28
slowly poison her yeah oh I like that if I find out she was to put a hit on me I'd slowly poison so I saw one where a girl gets CAU now she's at the cops and
01:02:35
they they confront her they go we know we have it all on tape right and the husband's there right and then the cop opens the door the husband's there and
01:02:47
she goes Tommy come here just come here let's talk [ __ ] you come here Tommy seriously what the [ __ ] is going on Tommy Tommy's like [ __ ] off right yeah but it's like what do you think is going to happen lady yeah but she probably was
01:02:59
trying to manipulate him that's by the way she's probably she's probably good master manipulator she's probably a
01:03:04
sociopath and she probably thinks there's I didn't do anything wrong she wasn't do that
01:03:10
hot you didn't even been hot if you're going to kill me you better be hot you better be hot you better be so hot Margo
01:03:15
Robbie yeah you better Margo Fu kill me yeah yeah hey uh oh my God hey uh uh uh Sydney Sweeney murder me murder me slit my throat In Cold Blood but it's like
01:03:26
the the G to to have you put out a hit is crazy it's crazy dude if you were going to put a hit on somebody how would you go find someone to do that though you can't Google it there's no way to do
01:03:38
it I I I late late at night I do think about stuff because you know late at night you have Revenge fantasies you do
01:03:44
for sure you don't have Revenge fantasies not really I don't I don't care what am I me either then you love
01:03:49
it I know you do so I I lay in my bed and that always putting on a hit in my scenarios in my head cuz I go how would I do it well you go get a homeless guy even then it's like no because they're
01:04:00
going to catch you on tape even approaching the homeless guy what's Bobby Lee you giving a homeless guy four
01:04:07
four grand I wasn't giving him that much money okay I hid the money he had to go get it so I'm at skidrow I got it all
01:04:13
planned out you do I'm hanging out skidrow yeah I go that guy might go Hey sir can you come here and he's like a
01:04:20
[ __ ] my f aoo and then you're like okay that's not the guy the coooo yeah yeah yeah that's my guy right and then so
01:04:27
where would I go and then I would probably go to like Guam the guy that works the yeah he looks like he knows
01:04:33
somebody yeah he does God you know anybody I just you know hypothetical yeah no dude what the get the [ __ ] away
01:04:39
from me that means he does he's like right so I think I would call the shadiest guy now yeah but after that I'd
01:04:45
be like I don't know what to do I'd get a homeless guy because then it's a v you know if you get a crazy homeless guy and
01:04:50
you and you you hide the money you give you give him like two couple of tasks one he's got to go kill someone I've hid
01:04:56
the money all over the place there a scavenger hunt for him to get the money then it gives him an adventure you know well the money F part because these
01:05:02
clubs now pay you cash yeah right so I just do a bunch of improv spots right get the cash right that's how I get the cash right right there you go so then I have cash in my pocket untraceable I'll
01:05:13
save about 10 grand worth of you think someone's going to kill someone for 10 grand down payment you always say put a
01:05:19
down payment down oh right until the task done what does it cost to kill somebody you go 10 grand at first yeah
01:05:26
okay 20 grand 20 grand to kill someone yeah no chance there's it's got to be way more than that someone's not going
01:05:32
to kill someone for 10 grand you can hire a hitman on the dark web well or you could get a ghost gun that's what I
01:05:38
was going to tell Bobby to do is he should kill her himself what's a ghost gun 3D printed gun wow oh and you can
01:05:44
destroy it when you're done that's what Luigi used it did he really that's why it was so weird looking oh so he printed
01:05:51
his own gun oh that's cool that's kind of weird he printed his own gun but didn't cover up any other parts of his tracks like he literally was like he uh
01:05:58
didn't have gloves on he didn't check to see if he was dead it was yeah so it's like he left all the other evidence he like went out of his way to get a 3D gun
01:06:04
but he also got a silencer and apparently that was the wrong move why oh you don't know
01:06:10
why why why because oh you oh you don't know no you don't know okay so what professional would say right is you make it loud because so that people can hear
01:06:22
it and they don't run toward gun violence they run away from it and they duck and they hide a right so if he
01:06:29
would what that's good yeah so you use a regular right that way right there's no
01:06:36
one around interesting right but he and and the cop that I heard on the news yeah news news they said they said that he played too many video games the kids today they play so many video they think
01:06:48
that's how you do it they put a silencer and all that stuff like you're playing Just subsonic bullets right in the ear
01:06:53
you're good to go see the way you said that was creepy I know he's planned it yeah yeah you've had Revenge Revenge
01:06:59
fantasy he had Revenge fantasy yeah yeah subsonic what in the ear uh subsonic bullets they don't pass they don't go
01:07:04
over the speed of sound so then they don't make that big old pop oh that's awesome that's awesome real thing that's
01:07:10
good to know that's good to know yeah subsonic bullets so when you bang it m right you it doesn't have a bang well it
01:07:17
has a bang but it's a lot more quiet um wow how do you know this George how do you know this dude um you know when a raccoon was getting our uh using a [ __ ] subsonic bullet foric
01:07:30
bullet to get the raccoon cuz it was eating our uh eating our chickens and I that's kind of Highly illegal in uh the
01:07:37
LA City Limits to shoot a gun at a at a raccoon yeah it's 100% illegal it was so
01:07:43
quiet nobody saw it heard wow wow how do you write things on the bullet the pen very small pen he he didn't engrave it it was Sharpie Mau what did it say on
01:07:55
the deny depose delay on this and people are getting tattoos of it it's funny deny depose delay they're getting tto
01:08:01
the tattoos of that on back d That's so dark who would you run up to and kiss on the face what famous what what uh what
01:08:09
CEO would you run up to and kiss on the face oh that's good yeah that's oh governor of Texas you go kiss him on the
01:08:15
[ __ ] face H you kiss yeah he's kissable he's so kiss so kiss some these guys are so kissable man to kiss wheelchair I would kiss him 15 times in the head wouldn't you
01:08:28
kiss back of the head 15 times right and then one in the dick yeah that one's the
01:08:34
sweetest one yeah wow deny depose delay a couple of comics I want to kiss how who do you want to kiss you there's always a couple there's so many Comics I want to kiss who do you want to kiss Annie I don't want to name any no I
01:08:46
don't want to kiss her I do you really do yeah I would kiss her yeah in the vagina what she what she did to me the other night was what did she you
01:08:56
do was she started a war with me oh of course you don't know what she did no so oh still you're a zic no you told me that was pretty flagrant it's flant right a little crazy so I'm going to
01:09:08
tell you what she did all right so we're in the main room was packed I'm bringing Annie up right and I
01:09:15
have a good set so I say good night I give her a great intro yeah and also I'm on a date so you have a female friend so
01:09:22
I have a friend in the audience you know that's watching the show she had never seen me perform perform before and you
01:09:28
and you killed I good right so then I bring Annie and as I'm walking toward the back of the thing Andy's coming out
01:09:33
through those curtains and she has water she does a pratfall and throws it on my
01:09:39
body now I'm drenched wet and here's here's on purpose on purpose she says it wasn't on purpose it was on purpose I found I later found out it was on purpose and here's the what's the
01:09:52
biggest sin there throwing water on you no hacky joke no laugh nobody laughed so the room was quiet the room was quiet and they're like oh [ __ ] you
01:10:05
know what I mean so now I'm drenched it's silence in the room what did you say my [ __ ] date is blushing right
01:10:11
right and I go what the [ __ ] she's like oh I'm so sorry cuz you see saw how upset it was and then as I went
01:10:18
backstage I went what the you know I went crazy dude while she was on stage but what do you think of that is that
01:10:23
war it seems like that's that's that seems like a word to me dude that's an attack yeah that's an attack but by the
01:10:29
way to be fair you still got laid but it didn't ruin your night but it is a little that's a little war that's a little baby she's throwing up a flare she does things like that she'll also do
01:10:42
stuff like kick you in the stomach like she does weird [ __ ] she kicks you in the stomach well she'll like do some ofate
01:10:47
it's always like some karate thing oh yeah she go oh ha and then she'll like kick you you know what I mean you're like what the [ __ ] are you doing dude
01:10:54
Annie what are you doing yeah what is she trying to start a war for you for what is that I don't know dude I thought you guys were always all right but she
01:11:01
she also told me she like well that usually works with you no my Pratt fall with the water with the water it didn't
01:11:08
work that time yeah because I killed yeah you did too good well no one also nobody wants to be wet it was so yeah you're drenched I don't want to be wet for the now I'm no what would you have done if she that that she would never do
01:11:20
that to you but if she did maybe would but if I would go grab a water or drink off someone's table and throw it right on her in front of everybody that would get to laugh if she threw it to me then
01:11:31
I would I would be like what the [ __ ] are you doing laugh it off a little bit I don't think I think it would be uncomfortable in the room I'd grab a I'd
01:11:37
grab a drink off somebody's thing and throw it on her yeah and then and then I'd start of food fight and I forgot who it was but after
01:11:44
Annie the comic after was mad why do you think there's water all over the [ __ ] stage so they had to pause and some
01:11:51
[ __ ] doorman had to go up there and wash [ __ ] clean the stage so bad so there you have now this lull so Jesus
01:11:58
treo's got to go up and wait for you yeah yeah it was terrible got to wait for someone to clean up the water in
01:12:03
front of them yeah so what's your um are you going to respond to this war now are you starting a little war
01:12:10
back yeah seems like you might you know me seems like you might there's a couple of things she's done over the years that
01:12:16
have been like oh man that's that's a war but I'm going to back off but the water on you is it but the water was
01:12:21
almost like the last thing maybe yeah but I don't know what do you think what would you have done Carlos oh I would
01:12:28
have lost my temper it's it would have I've lost my temper at Annie a lot yeah yeah oh you guys have beef or something
01:12:34
no we've just always played around like that and like I walked off her show Once
01:12:40
like did she apologize for the water no she she it was an accident I slipped so that was her way of not apologize you
01:12:46
don't believe it but later she's like she said she didn't say she still maintains it was slip but then she told
01:12:52
me I've done it before like throwing water right so in my mind I'm like that's not a slip yeah that's not a
01:12:57
[ __ ] slip [ __ ] you know what I mean we'll see how that plays out yeah yeah anyway what any New Year's resolution
01:13:03
resolution for you yeah I've got resolutions go ahead I'm leaving the state of California as a permanent resident I uh I can't do it anymore is
01:13:16
that true I pay too much in taxes I got to get out of here I'm done I can't support this place I got to go so we're
01:13:23
we're moving the show where you going officially where are we going we are moving where we going to Nevada parump
01:13:29
Nevada oh I love that place we'll go we're moving to parump we'll go we got to go dude yeah we got to set
01:13:35
up the studio in pump so we're going to be setting up the studio in pump Nevada we got to move there state state income tax we'll save on that we'll still pay
01:13:42
our fed but no more California do you think we would thrive in Nevada yeah like by Vegas 100% you think so what the
01:13:48
[ __ ] we would do great let's we could move to Vegas and have the most fun do shows all the time not prump no you was
01:13:55
kidding but we're not kidding Pro a no man we'll move to Vegas where we'll open up a club called the brother
01:14:02
ship yeah yeah yeah only for black yeah the brother only for black people have to be black to get in um welcome to the
01:14:09
brothership y'all wow and we only play George Clinton in the hallway I think if we did move to veg if
01:14:16
we did move to Vegas what I would open up like a 150 seat Comedy Club see I think a 100 seater would be great that' be great just 100 seats a little 100 SE little place we should do that should we do a bad friend's club in Vegas the
01:14:28
problem is there's too many clubs in Vegas there's uh there's Jimmy Kimmel's room there's uh the seller has a room
01:14:36
there's but they're not showcase clubs they're headliner clubs they're headliner no no the seller is a split
01:14:43
showc it's a split headliner but they book it in way in advance what I'm saying is is that I want to do like for
01:14:48
locals for locals and anyone that's in town that wants to work out showcase Place yeah maybe we should do that
01:14:54
there's a laugh Factory a comedy seller the LA it's called La Comedy Club there's Las Vegas live Brad Garrett's
01:15:01
room Jimmy Kimmel's Wise Guys God there's so many there's so many katop has a club out there but you can't just
01:15:08
call in have a club no there room with the luxer yeah but could you I mean I mean if we I've never been to Vegas where like I'm going to call in this way I don't know where to go do you see that'd be fun to make a [ __ ] but is
01:15:20
there enough local comics in Vegas that oh yeah no that you know you could create a system
01:15:25
yeah but there's also a lot of I I know probably 40 Comics that just live there okay so you can go hey guys there's no
01:15:32
showcase Club so just call in if you're in town we'll just work out all right well we'll start the brothership down there in Las Vegas and we'll have have a
01:15:40
happy New Year everybody and our Premiere show our premere show there will uh be me Ne Me you Nate barazi ber
01:15:47
CH we'll call in all our favors we'll have to have a weekly show there uh hosted by someone it'll be called uh
01:15:53
murder Anthony that's good anyway um very good very good good night thank thank you for being let's just end on that note no no
01:16:03
no thank you for being a bad [Music] friend woo [Music] d