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yo what up bad friends guess what we got new merch baby yes the rudy university
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series this is the rudy university shirt in black we also got the gym shorts we got gym shorts for you
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the rudy university gym shorts and the rudy university shirt in maroon
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maroon so go to badfriendsmerch.com to snag those right now badfriendsmerch.com
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it's right down below you know how to get it snag this stuff before it all goes and sells out also i'm on tour
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andrew santino.com for those tickets i'm going to be in denver i'm going to be in nashville i'm going to boston and we're adding
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22 cities in two weeks we'll be adding all of the cities i'm going to uh but
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come see me denver nashville boston uh and many many more at andrewssantino.com andrewsantino.com
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you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
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[Music] or something we're bad friends i just got off an airplane i just got in from
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houston yeah pretty good dude sold out sold out four shows did you meet raymond
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yet do you meet raymond who's raymond he's the general manager all of them over there uh no i didn't meet a gm so when we're
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driving here this is what jules goes she looks good we had a really nice moment because we're driving and she goes um
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to the puppy i got what can you play american pie can you play american pie oh the song of
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the song really so i i'm driving and i'm like you know me trying to find it yeah we park i finally have it on
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right and i go the music starts playing ah you know i don't want to sing it because i want to get flagged but like
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now you can sing it if it's original go ahead do your version bye bye missed american pie
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yep right trophy and i'm kind of like dancing a little bit mm-hmm because and
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i and she's sitting there and i'm like this could be a moment between you guys yeah like a cool
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summer moment yeah you know and we're we're listening to a [ __ ] song that she requested
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and her uncle you know and my niece we're just having a moment yeah and she goes let's go inside
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andrew's waiting and i go let's have a moment no i don't want to right and that and i go
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we're finishing the song right so we sit there and i'm trying to get the song and she does not want to have a moment
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with me why don't you want to have a moment with tito because we're late no you weren't well you were already late it didn't matter
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so at that point just just enjoy it do you not like having moments with him is that what it is are you scared of having like a
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a really nice sweet moment no i'm okay with it all right well let's have one right now i want you to look them in the face right now and say
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tito bobby i i love and respect you you mean the world to me and then we're gonna play american part you can't play it
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right we can play it you sing your own version okay ready right guys turn on the radio so say
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tell me to play the song bobby can you play american pie excuse me sweetheart which what i would
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not say my lovely sweetheart excuse me can you play american pie
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oh sweetheart my love i'll play it play
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bye bye miss american pie drove my shirt toodle-levy but the levy
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was dry ham good old boys and drinks that's whiskey she's hanging a migraine
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don't do that with your face this will be the day
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okay good that yeah [ __ ] it it's not working why don't you why don't you want to participate and have a moment with him
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you know he's getting older and he thinks about this stuff my parents do this too they're getting older and they want to soak up these moments because they're
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fleeting you you only got seriously think about this you have 30 summers left that's it maybe even less probably 20
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summers isn't that crazy it's crazy 20 something when i look in the mirror now yeah i go i literally think
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oh you're dying you're dying like i could see my my the bags on my eyes and the wrinkles
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and the and the liver spots forming yeah right yep and i can just see when i get up i go oh i have to make a noise ah
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my knees you know my back right so it's like i'm dying she's dying and you you don't want to
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have a [ __ ] moment with me why not rude i don't know yeah tired she's tired
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she's tired you're tired a lot yeah she's you know she's tired i get to why she's tired because
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she um which she had a busy day today she she saw a black widow oh and that's it
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that's it oh my god that's it that's so tiring that was your day yeah oh cool
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i flew from houston okay then i got home had to make dinner clean up the house and do my laundry and then i got here got here on time
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so shut up yeah black widow black widow how did you like it that was good wasn't it i heard it was good was it it topped
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the bot it was the biggest box at the bottom top to the bottom of the box office you know what i also saw this since last
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night which i didn't want to like i finished manifest by the way [Laughter]
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did you see the whole season i did not i didn't i just couldn't get through what i i couldn't how many episodes you get in
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five yeah six i don't you know yeah i know look at me let him go no yeah i can't break it you know what i
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mean i had there was a moment where i was like is he is this a bit no make me watch this as a bit i'm on the plane watching
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manifest i'm not it's it's good in a bad way it's like what lost was
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but last one last was pretty that was kind of good lost had good map you know what's weird when you're watching a plane crash on the airplane
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because people look over at you watching people oh that's on a plane or like a plane moment yeah yeah like i tried
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when the turbulence and the lights go out and the guy looked next to me i looked him and i was like no you know i always thought because we
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fly a lot and i always think to myself this is the one this is the one and then like i've had turbulence where it was
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really bad me too and um i'm always thinking like if you know
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we were really soaring down mm-hmm and they lost complete control like the engine is out
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right and the lights are going off and people are screaming what i would do what would i do
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what would you do i don't think i would scream i've asked this before i said if you can only yell out if you could yell out
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two words yeah what would your two words be suck on suck on yeah yeah
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because i'd probably see a hot chick right right we're going down and i think they're cheating at that point i'm dying
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right you and you think she's gonna undo her seatbelt okay maybe i don't know but i think i would probably eye out
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yeah i always eye out the hottest chicken thing right so if she's like five rows be up behind me right i would
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probably try and go suck on right suck on and she goes okay right we would like it would be
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difficult yeah it would be difficult and i would pull it down right
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and we're like trying to chuckle we're trying to balance right like you have to i mean i'm not trying
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to be aggressive mm-hmm but i would have to grab her head i mean i guess because the plane is moving but yeah shifting all the way hold myself you
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know right oh right and then as she's doing it the plane would level out right and i'd
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just be like sorry about that folks that was just a little bit of turbulence there but then would you i hope nobody has their dick
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out and they yelled stuck on in the middle of that crash but would you tell your girlfriend yeah you'd have to i don't think so you
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because you almost died because i didn't come oh right okay then yeah then yeah i didn't come yeah i think if i came that's the rules
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that's the rule right that's the rules yeah yeah if you're in a dying situation but then other people probably two or
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three people on the plane maybe recognize me do you think yes for a couple of people i think it's
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right yeah so i think they would say something right that's kind of like those people that are you know there might be people
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trapped in that building in florida you know they had to go look it's a nightmare but can you imagine this is sad and weird and
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gross but imagine you're trapped for like two days nightmare and you know you're gonna die yeah you don't know if they're gonna
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save you do you ever just you think somebody just rubs one out is his last go
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don't you want one last nut you're like okay look i'm trapped underneath rocks yeah
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and i'm just bro i've been willing to help for two days even if my hands were pinned yeah right you would just right i would
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still i'd find like a [ __ ] pipe sticking out and i would try to get my dick in the
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pipe right and i would just do like 15 pumps i would definitely yeah and they would find my body with my dick
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when you're [ __ ] a pipe in a pipe but with a smile yeah i think you'd want to go you'd want one more nut
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yeah but what like i thought about that when frank was in that 127 hours or whatever i would have [ __ ] the crack you're the
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[ __ ] the crack you would [ __ ] the crowd yeah yeah that's interesting to me like if
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you're if you're trapped and you know you're gonna die yeah because the chances of getting out are are almost non-existent yeah maybe you
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want one more let's see you're pinned under the thing yeah right yeah pinned and you have your left hand right yeah
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and there's a girl next to you [Music] that's all i'm gonna add i'm gonna end
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there no that's not what i was gonna say what were you gonna say are you okay yo you're just happy to see she was fine yeah
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are you okay you're alive and she'd be dead yeah yeah yeah what are your last two words on a plane jules it's going down
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going down and it's oh no everyone's freaking out then jules you get to yell out i when i yell i usually say mama mama
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and then she just killed a man [Laughter] you yell mama some guy in the back goes
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[Laughter]
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that would be so cool what a cool way to go out that's a cool way to go out as it's crashing well that's cool you
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would start a song you would start a song that's amazing i love that what song else could you start
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on a plane like that well you know that like it's gonna be a song that everyone knows you know like the song they play at the stupid red sox games is uh sweet
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caroline yeah you know yeah sweet caroline would you be embarrassing
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if you're flying you're thinking i'm gonna start a song we're dying and you try you go sweet and no one says anything and you're just
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kind of like oh it's a bummer you go sweet caroline and everyone's like
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it's so dark dude you know what but every time i fly every time i fly into burbank yeah it's so sketchy the runways are this big
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yeah and they have to barrel down and this time we landed on the left wheel and then the right wheel went down and everyone went like this
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yeah like you feel it dude let me let me ask you this when you're sitting you know how when you sit down in the emergency exit
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row and the i'm not doing a hacky joke but i'm just like a stewardess comes up to you and he says in the case of emergency are you going
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to be able to help yeah and you you always go yes yes of course but you know deep down inside you're not never going to help
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because i don't know how it works no first of all i don't know how any of the levers work or anything like that i'm pulling it up and i'm
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running out by myself but is that all you do is pull it up yep i'm leaving everybody behind me i feel like there's three or four things you have to do with
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that door yeah yeah i think yeah there's no way no it's that big lever
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cracks open and the door the door swings sideways and pushes out and it's off yeah i would just run well it will if i was
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in this emergency exit road i would be passed out and i'd just be a blockage i think
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sir yeah they'd have to hop over my body and be a whole like a you know i mean it's an extra thing that's an extra thing they have to deal with on the way
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out yeah but you don't sit by the exit row anymore you're a rich guy you sit in first class baby i only but that only started in the last
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couple of years because before it's like i don't i want to say but my manager is like
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cheap yeah they booked the flights for you my manager books the flights oh still to this sweetie it's just it's
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a three-hour flight so just do middle seat southwest and i'd be always like all right
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yeah yeah the worst was when you never chose your own flights and [ __ ] dude that's like my nightmare here's where it ended so i
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this is a true story mm-hmm so i did the oddball fest comedy from san
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francisco no wasn't in san francisco we i did the texas run oh so it was me sebastian miles galco
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ali wong tom sugar a bunch of people right gang cook wow and um big names we're all supposed
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to book our own flights so i have the manager who i have so we all are flying out
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in burbank to texas but we're all at the airport yeah all the managers got their clients
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first class except for you wow so they get in first
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and now i'm sitting there like i'm also zone three or four you're the back of the play on the back of the plane right you're not even getting and i'm just
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like like literally thinking should i fire my manager right and then as i walk through [ __ ]
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first class these guys are throwing [ __ ] [ __ ] on my face that's so funny it's so funny
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on those guys oh yeah they start pillows and they're like boo you scare me get back you're they're like yelling get back
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on the bus you little immigrant you know and like just acting a fool and so i'm back there and
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each one of them through the flight would go back there and throw me like peanuts or stuff that they got in the
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first class that's so good it's so mean but it was so funny but that's big props because i you would you
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bobby lee would do that absolutely to somebody else if we were on the same flight and i went past you you would totally [ __ ] with me yes yeah
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it was so fun yes you would it'd be so fun but um you'd [ __ ] with so then after that i got back in town i said
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to abby i go i just i think we can do sometimes first class yeah especially in
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that situation it's like if you're flying as much as as much as we fly yeah i get that by the way when we go to cancun
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yeah when we do bad friends cancun what does does she get first class that's a big thing they're paying for it
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i know but they they're asking us what flights we want yeah and where we want to sit so do we put her in the first have you flown first
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class um i think when you know bob no we went to seattle and it was first
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class oh yeah i put you in first class yeah you did yeah that's very nice of you man you keep doing nice stuff for this chick i know she doesn't have
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moments with me it's crazy you don't want to have a moment in the car where he wants to sing once no you know what that that right there
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you're not getting a first class on the way to cancun cancun is not a close flight by the way yeah that's a nice little trip and in fact when we land in the airport yeah
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you're going to find your own white ride home that's right that's all i mean yeah so start learning spanish right now yeah yeah yeah how do you say
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uh how do you say take me to the resort in spanish you know how oh well you better learn it kiddo because you're gonna be on your own since the
00:14:40
that tuesday she performed she's got a little oh she's getting cocky i knew it dude i could feel that
00:14:46
she was getting a little bit because she walked in here and she kind of sluffed her way in and she goes same studio huh yeah that's
00:14:52
what she said yeah yeah like it's like it's old news to her and like one of the dogs is her dogs
00:14:58
yeah one of the dogs is her dog she's like the primary yeah and this [ __ ] duck's [ __ ] all over the house and she doesn't choose
00:15:04
and now she used to but now i have to clean it really she's like
00:15:10
with her
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and then you know what she also did which literally was the most horrifying thing
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i've ever seen in my life in terms of like my body reacting to it yeah i got goosebumps i'm not kidding
00:15:31
you from the top of my head to my toes i cringed and i almost kind of yelped so
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i'm in the backyard smoking you know what i'm talking about and so i put the cigarette out and there's a
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gigantic not gigantic but a mid-sized metallic trash bin with a lid on it
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right so i put out the cigarette and i always put the butts in there so i lifted it up and there was probably oh my god there
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was probably 200 000 maggots
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oh i know crawling up this thing what did you just i don't
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and then dog vomit oh my god dog vomit who threw dog vomit
00:16:18
and you did yeah yeah and the maggots were all over that oh dude you got to hose that out kid
00:16:24
we already sprayed it with um insecticide spray so okay that probably
00:16:29
does work i guess water that you're going to water hose it out whenever
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whenever the dog pukes i just hose out there oh yeah no yeah but when you have maggots what do you do i've never had that situation ever yeah
00:16:42
yeah but like when the dog throws up in the yard i just break out the hose and hose it out she clumps it together leaves it open it
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puts it in the hot summer sun if you find if you find maggots in food or trash you can boil them
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and the eggs together to kill them boil them who's taking the maggots inside another
00:17:01
option is to thoroughly sprinkle them with salt or spray them with insecticide you did it boil you can boil them and and the eggs
00:17:08
well that's for the filipinos because they eat them after is that how you guys want it do you guys eat maggots no i don't know
00:17:15
funky overseas stuff oh dude look at this yeah this is this i got this sent to me
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this is real cheetos that tastes like steak from where this is this is all japanese
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open it up let's see if it i'll i'll see if i can try one have you eaten one of these yet no these are this just came into me
00:17:32
today this is from a guy who sent them to make cheetos this is a guy named this is a guy named sunny hill exotics and he sent me all
00:17:39
this stuff look at this yeah yeah oreo thins vanilla moose that sounds good right you've had these
00:17:46
pink kitkats from japan right these are the best these are the best does it taste like steak
00:17:53
let me see we got to give some commentary people
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don't want to hear you chew for three minutes hold on well give me the give me the bag can i have the bag so we can like jewels can
00:18:04
have some and i can can i be honest with you yeah here's my commentary give it it tastes like
00:18:09
doritos if they just put some salt on it it doesn't have a steak taste at all not to me no not even a little
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bit no i had steak for dinner maybe that's what it is be honest steak no but they're good they're very
00:18:25
good it's not steak it's not steak but it's good what is it though it kind of tastes like let's try another one this one is
00:18:30
let's see this one is what is that that's who can read that that's um it's what's
00:18:36
a symbol what's a symbol you can't really tell i'll be able to you oh you're asian you should be able to know what it is that's
00:18:41
simple do you like it that symbol is pork no it looks like pork that's what i thought it was i think it's pork
00:18:47
you do yeah yeah try that one open that one and this one is this one is um
00:18:54
see it says made with real beef these these are made with beef
00:18:59
is that one good oh my god it's terrible it's bad but kind of good
00:19:06
uh honestly yeah these will [ __ ] you up why because because you don't know what it is i know because i don't know what that
00:19:12
symbol is right that could be freaking me out to be dog testicles that you're eating right now let's see this is pork
00:19:21
that's good i like it you do no i hate it it's gross but it's good no
00:19:26
it's not good let the flavor hit yeah no it's the basket yeah yeah i don't like it maybe that went bad it went bad
00:19:32
give me um this is jolly rancher misfits and look at this yeah oreo wafer roll
00:19:38
sticks okay what do you want you want this one this is real beef this says it's made with real beef made with real beef dude give me the
00:19:44
[ __ ] um made with real beef just because it says it doesn't mean it's true of course it does everything
00:19:49
is true if it's printed everything is true if it's printed no but you could all it could be soaked in
00:19:54
like some sort of you know pork broth no it says made with real beef grant
00:20:00
cranberry ginger ale okay give me the um sweet stuff which one this is that jolly ranchers
00:20:06
misfits gummies yeah this guy sent me this stuff when we were in japan oh did you like these it's okay did you like the first
00:20:13
one i like the second one you like this one better you can keep here keep them no i have a kitkat yeah you want a
00:20:20
kitkat these are [ __ ] dude these are [ __ ] amazing bob
00:20:26
i'll eat one later liquid iv oh dear god i hate water but you know what
00:20:31
when it's mixed with liquid iv it's heaven on earth because i'm getting nutrients and vitamins and different
00:20:37
things the hot summer months are here man yeah you know you need to be proactive and keep your body fueled up and hydrated one stick of
00:20:43
liquid iv in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster and more efficiently than water alone because boo water
00:20:48
throw in some flavors like watermelon strawberry lemon lime it sounds and tastes delicious yeah and how do you use liquid
00:20:55
iv yeah i take it first thing in the morning i usually take it when i wake up i chug a big glass of water because i read that that's good for you
00:21:01
but i like to put stuff in it let me ask you this yeah what do you love most about liquid iv i like to be honest with you i do
00:21:07
like the the flavoring is good because i'm like i'm trying not to drink soda anymore so liquid iv helps
00:21:12
and uh it does taste delicious i think the apple pie is my that's my favorite yeah yeah that's my favorite we asked
00:21:17
the question yeah which hydration flavors or products do you like the most jewels which one do you like jewels of all the
00:21:23
liquid ivs i like the lemon lime oh lemon that's good old school that's very old school love you
00:21:28
you know it contains five essential vitamins more vitamin c than an orange and as much potassium as a banana that's
00:21:35
really good it hydrates you faster more efficiently than water alone and uh also they're giving out a bunch of stuff they give they've donated four
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million servings and response to cobia 19. so they're doing a good thing so grab your liquid iv and bulk it nationwide at costco
00:21:47
or you can get 25 off when you go to liquidive.com and use the code bad friends at checkout hey hey jules read the last one that's
00:21:56
25 off anything you order when you get better hydration today using promo code bad friends
00:22:03
liquidity.com me undies hi friends what are you wearing right now bob oh my undies it's
00:22:08
my favorite underwear underwear of all time and it's um not only do i like um the sustainable breathable
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quality of the fabric and stuff but i love the designs yeah so cute and the colors and i have
00:22:21
panda ones i have ones with giraffes on them i have pizza pizza and they're so cool yeah they are
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cool they're they got classic colors they got the regular stuff if you're boring or you can have fun and they go from sizes uh extra small
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all the way up to 4xl so rudy to bobby and uh we both love me undies we wear them all the time they have great offer
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for our listeners if you're if you've never had me undies you don't know what's going on because it's so comfortable and they don't
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they don't bunch up and all that stuff andrew i have you know what i just thought of this okay what i have a great
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off offer for our listeners i'll give it to them okay for any first-time purchasers you'll get fifty percent off and free
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shipping me undies also has their problem-free philosophy if you're not satisfied with any product
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for any reason they'll refund or exchange it no
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no question yeah yeah to get your 50 ops yeah to get 15 off your first order and
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free shipping go to meundies.com bad friends that's me undies.com bad friends cavitz but that condo collapsed
00:23:22
look let me just talk about homework let me get this out of my mouth
00:23:28
i wasn't making a joke about the condo collapse that's sad okay that's very sad it's it's a nightmarish it's sad but
00:23:34
also i have thought about because sometimes when i go skiing and i go off by myself if i do a couple
00:23:40
of runs solo i genuinely get scared that i'm like what if i got an avalanche and then what am i going to do yeah what did you what do
00:23:47
you do they can't find you for days and days you're sitting there what do you do but the condo thing is i
00:23:54
just want to ask you this i don't think that isn't there any way to get that [ __ ] like because you know they did a search
00:24:01
and rescue for what over a week yeah right and if i was literally if if my brother or you or anybody
00:24:09
was in that rubble i'd just be like get the cranes in there let's go yeah but i think it's not as easy as
00:24:14
that because if you move one piece another piece falls it's like jenga you're playing like django best jango
00:24:20
[ __ ] players in the world who's the best jenga player in the world look at him get him out get the best jenga kid out there it's
00:24:28
kind of like how the japanese kids are with the with the um rubik's cube you know these guys can do it like yeah may 13th at his home in pima county
00:24:34
arizona thai star valentino officially bested his own world record for most django blocks so get thai so we call up
00:24:41
thai star valencia condo collapse call tai that's what i'd say as a please yeah shows up right yeah and goes all
00:24:47
right remove that piece first and he labels them he goes a6 b7 right right right they can go are you
00:24:55
sure it's like the probability is ninety to eight percent that that that's supporting he's he's he's like a beautiful mind he's
00:25:00
doing the math on he's got to be people out there like that this guy ty ty ty star valentiani this
00:25:06
brings me up to uh the most embarrassing that happened to me two days ago i wasn't even gonna bring it up i'm gonna bring it up okay okay is that um i don't know if you guys
00:25:13
know but i'm obsessed with magic yeah all right i love magic and i love my favorite magician
00:25:19
nowadays is a kid by the name of shin lim shin lim yeah he's the best where is he
00:25:25
from he won not just america's got talent but he also won the um oh i just know this guy right
00:25:32
yeah so i'm with howie mandel two days ago yeah and i'm like you know if i have a
00:25:38
wedding i want if you know my dream would have shin lim help me with the proposal do like a magic proposal
00:25:45
magic proposal oh that's cool right and kylie goes oh he's a good friend of mine
00:25:50
oh that's cool he's like and you guys are like he's asian he definitely knows who you are you guys
00:25:55
are like asian you guys are asian so he'll definitely who you are yeah and in my head i just assumed he would know me i don't know why
00:26:01
because it's asian yeah right you would think right if another redheaded guy that he knows me he knows me no doubt no doubt if he's a
00:26:07
comedian he knows me exactly yeah he's we're both performing entertainment yeah he knows me he knows you
00:26:13
and so how he hands me the phone first oh your face is he doesn't have howie's number they got his number from somebody else
00:26:19
so it's like it's not as if when he called it says how he says howie mendel right right he face he picks up the facetime
00:26:26
and i'm like hey and he's like no who are you he had no idea yeah and i
00:26:34
go oh i'm a comedian he's like no don't know is he flipping cards the whole thing no
00:26:40
he's doing his own vegas show and the mirage he has right he's a resident he's a residency right right he's like a
00:26:46
big stone that's huge so how he takes the phone me it's me howie but i'm now blushing yeah you feel like [ __ ] i feel like [ __ ]
00:26:53
right you look like me i know right orange yeah yeah now i don't even want to now you don't want to go see him
00:26:59
no let's go see him in vegas he said he'd give you backstage of course he would now that that embarrassing moment happened now he has
00:27:04
to make up for i know but have you seen this guy perform i saw him on agt i saw this this guy is so good yeah i
00:27:11
mean it's it's listen you can see like because i know penn gillette and it's like you go to youtube and you
00:27:18
see like you know um magic revealing videos yeah like they crack the code they
00:27:23
correct the code but a lot of the [ __ ] that he does they can't even they don't know how he does it well that was like penn teller had a show called uh
00:27:29
fool us or something like that no that's and shin did that oh he did that show he did that show and they he filled them twice two times yeah and
00:27:36
then penn just called me a week and goes he wants me on the show he wants you like a guest judge or
00:27:43
something on the fool us or what is the show called is it called it's called fool i think it's called yeah but um so let's link up with shin
00:27:49
let's get shin let's get let's go to vegas and go watch the show and then we should be like i've been figuring i've been
00:27:55
itching to go to vegas me too i want to go it's open you know what she said too huh
00:28:00
her dream is to go to vegas and go to clubs it's not a dream i just want to do it
00:28:05
it's a reality let's go we can do it 21. next year nick yeah next one what what
00:28:12
what month do you again november right what if shin lim is the door guy in vegas
00:28:17
and we walk up he's like i don't i don't know yeah let's be embarrassing door guys know who we are no they're listening
00:28:25
even today yeah if i go on the road right even before the pandemic right and i'll be out of you know at a restaurant
00:28:32
or something after a show like a late night and some guy will go hey there's a club man it's like you
00:28:38
want to go right because i'm going to meet a bunch of people there i strictly i don't want to go because i might i the
00:28:45
biggest my biggest fear in the world is not being recognized no not be able to get in
00:28:50
but they'll set it up so you get in and that happens like we went to that uh that remember that ramen place right
00:28:56
called jinya yeah i love ginger right one the other right the last week we try to go and they're like
00:29:02
no you thought they were gonna notice you and be like oh yeah yeah but we're like they're like no
00:29:08
yeah but but that but with vegas you just pay for it in advance so it's all that no it it rings in my head
00:29:14
i know okay all night long here's what i say i just hear her no no no no no let's get the palm let's
00:29:20
get the hotel let's get the um room at the palm where has the pool you know that goes out over the let's do
00:29:26
it let's do it let's take a private jet and you know who will pay for it what george their company that's right
00:29:31
their company but you know what i love today they produce you guys we can go we can get shin limit we can get tickets we can see penn and teller
00:29:37
because they're my friends now vip right vip pen and television sarah top you know carrot you should must we all
00:29:42
know each other okay good so you and carrot yeah right is it can you say can you call him carrot or i can't i can you can't i have
00:29:49
to call him carrot top you say ct or california i can call him carrot right so um do you really play
00:29:55
because whenever i see him i've seen him five times in my life i always say carrot top you you have to it's weird to see the whole thing what's
00:30:02
up carrot top have to yeah yeah you can't say carrot what's his first name louise's real name i have
00:30:08
no idea i've never known his real name because i love it when you see a famous person that has a different name but they're like call me by scott yeah
00:30:16
call me by my real name it is where when he's when he's like hey i'm scott and you're like you're a character
00:30:24
yeah that is funny that i assume you assume that that other person their real name it
00:30:30
doesn't exist anymore yeah it's like that guy that did our show chad yeah chad this is really nice
00:30:36
i know it's not yeah tom yeah chad and jt and he goes when i first met him a couple weeks ago he was like
00:30:41
just call me tom i don't know it's chad now for life it has to be it has to be but i'm not calling edge anything else
00:30:46
no it's the edge it's it's right sting is sting for life bono is bono for life what is sting's
00:30:52
real name i don't even know no one cares that's insane isn't that funny yeah at some point you who's what's sting's real name yeah let's take
00:30:57
a guess hold on let's do before you what's sting's real name yes leonard yeah that's such a good guess what
00:31:03
adam adam i'm going to say it's robert british maybe yeah british think
00:31:09
what's yeah let's think of a [ __ ] game because i don't know these names gordon matthew thomas sumner
00:31:16
yeah it's gordon what's cbe that's when you get can't cr uh um you know is that when
00:31:22
that you get knighted by the queen no he has like a probably like a cbd company that right marijuana what is cbe
00:31:30
is that that's when you get knighted right you put c you're allowed to put cbe at the end of your so what's prince's real name do you know
00:31:36
prince's real name was um marcus or something like marcus what was
00:31:42
it i don't know i what do you think i want to go for
00:31:48
dude this is really marlon marlon okay marcus marlin what's prince's real name michael michael michael marlon what's
00:31:56
prince's real name his real name is prince prince rogers nelson you know how dope that is his real name
00:32:02
is prince that's pretty dude it's cool that's why that guy was so cool his parents birthed him into being cool
00:32:07
and he was so androgynously cool like he wasn't gay he wasn't straight he wasn't he wasn't a guy he wasn't a girl bro he
00:32:14
wasn't black he wasn't white i went to some nbc
00:32:20
state i was like maybe the up front or something like that where it was like at a bar he wasn't he and the bar was attached to
00:32:27
another bar so the only way to get to this other bar is through the shitty brother that i was so annoying right yeah so he walked
00:32:34
through with his entourage and i'm like sitting there with there's a bunch of celebrities in the room right like big tv stars and whatnot
00:32:42
right as soon as he walked in the the music stopped
00:32:47
you could hear no sound in the bar silence and people just went
00:32:53
like silence somebody had died and he's just kind of walking through and everyone's just kind of looking on the ground how smooth did
00:33:00
he walk oh my god it was just like he didn't have the legs he floated he was floating he was like shifting yeah through the room he was going ah yeah
00:33:05
yeah like that's that's how we breathe that's how he breathed right and he just
00:33:11
kind of floated it it felt like ten minutes yeah like it wasn't slow i remember just
00:33:17
like i was crying he started you started crying oh my god i was like my lips were trembling it's prince dude i
00:33:24
was crying my lips trembling yeah yeah yeah and he was floating by
00:33:29
and as soon as he left people just started touching music back on i feel like that's held guys
00:33:35
like him can stop anything everything everything i mean yeah and i don't think
00:33:42
you can have no one has that kind of power anymore like the beatles back in the day well that's different we could stop
00:33:49
the world the world they could tell everyone to kill themselves they could be like we're all going to commit suicide on the 14th everybody would yeah
00:33:55
there could be like wow it could be the first day of like some sort of marine training and people are like climbing the thing
00:34:01
as soon as the beetle showed up they just would freeze freeze on the [ __ ] thing on the cargo on the cargo thing
00:34:07
and if you know they would walk by and then they would keep going afterwards i mean they just have that kind of like oh essence power you know sometimes you
00:34:13
do meet celebrities and they have that when i first was a pa yeah i met bradley cooper before he was bradley cooper yeah
00:34:19
he was kind of still like on the come up yeah and i was a pa and i had to walk him to one of the executive's offices and we
00:34:26
get to the office and he was really really handsome and i walked him there and like he was really nice he asked me my name and everything
00:34:32
and i said okay you're good in here and then nobody was in there his this guy's assistant was gone and he was you want
00:34:38
me just wait in this empty room i was like uh i mean you don't have to you can go back we can go back to the front and
00:34:43
he's like you have a kitchen and we go to the kitchen and i'm not kidding he's like um i just want to make
00:34:48
something to eat real fast and he opens the fridge and he takes out deli meat like a piece of deli and he
00:34:54
wraps it in a piece of cheese and he's just eating it talking to me but even him eating it was really
00:34:59
sexy i was just like watching him eat a hand sandwich yeah brent morin
00:35:05
says the same thing about him sexy dude brett warren was work at conan yeah and he's ran into
00:35:10
bradley cooper and i guess brett moore they were talking face-to-face and he had the urge of just going well
00:35:19
yeah he was really you know okay so he was hot dude this is when i was shy and i didn't know what to say but if i had this
00:35:25
opportunity so it's not as big as oh my god blow that image up it's not as big as bradley cooper so
00:35:31
when i was on mad tv we had a young actor yeah ryan reynolds oh yeah right so ryan was sitting there with
00:35:38
dick plusucci right and who's that the executives are mad and dick goes bobby sit here meet ryan
00:35:46
i didn't know who he was really much right but i just sat next to him right and i was just like you don't know what
00:35:51
to say like now what are you going to say now no different with who i am now yeah that i would be having that guy's number
00:35:58
in my phone in five minutes well you'd be making jokes yeah yeah i would be able to get him into my world in five minutes
00:36:03
but back then yeah it's so awkward what's going on
00:36:10
well what what like i don't know you know when someone comes up to you yeah and they say hello to you yeah
00:36:15
right and they don't know what to say because they're they're a fan yeah it's the same feeling yeah you know who came up to me today in the airport a pilot a pilot is walking you know how
00:36:22
they walk like this you got a flight attendant two pilots are walking the flight attendant all right with two flight attendants and he literally we
00:36:27
we cross each other and he goes santino and i turn like i know him yeah i go hey
00:36:33
yeah and he goes hey and i was like i don't [ __ ] know this guy but he didn't know what to say he just
00:36:39
wanted to say hi yeah he goes what are you going where are you going where are you going yeah i love it where the [ __ ] do you think on a plane
00:36:45
you make them feel comfortable right i try but it is sometimes the energy is weird when people say hi and i don't know what to say yeah like especially if they go like
00:36:52
this dude in the bar at the bu this is big this big jack black dude in the bar he goes hey are you that dude from dave and i
00:36:59
was like yeah and he goes yeah i thought so i know what do i say you never you don't
00:37:05
know what to say i just go uh yeah you don't know what to say it's me yeah don't hurt me i guess i hope you'll like it yeah because what
00:37:11
if somebody goes hey bobby lee right you're probably league black people do that to me you know where they go yeah
00:37:17
my dog they'll give me a pound right i'll go oh thank you like because i want to go opposite right
00:37:22
i don't go yay no no that would be weird yeah i just play with my [ __ ] strengths and go hey what's
00:37:29
up buddy right you think of my dog i do a little pound that's all i do you want to really put
00:37:34
them in an awkward position and they go well my dog just bow and see what they do oh that's where i like that my dog
00:37:40
what's up don't don't say my buddy no all right all right dog
00:37:46
not that no perfect no why they would love it they go this [ __ ] is hilarious oh yeah but they call you stupid when
00:37:52
black dudes call you stupid that means they love you yeah when they go he's stupid they love you yeah it's you know i love
00:38:00
black people yeah well i mean especially comics because i just have an angle with all of
00:38:07
them and it's what do you mean it's hard to explain i'm gonna try to explain it you're gonna say like a minority angle
00:38:13
no what it's a different it's a it's touching me for a little too long angle
00:38:20
what do you mean like they like no like if like i see ian edwards or anybody or i saw finesse metro they
00:38:25
are there right right and they they're happy what's up man and i hugged right
00:38:31
and i hug enough until they pull away oh yeah yeah yeah right but you can tell
00:38:36
like i'm bringing them in and they have to physically force their wear out black guys have a uh time limit on high
00:38:42
limit that's what it is yeah a white guy you can hug and kiss me on the face and we'll laugh about it i know i know i don't know you can't do that to the black guy
00:38:48
and i love it yeah they got to push you because they go ah you're weird yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:38:54
yeah i do that like donnell oh my god like i'll like take my fingers
00:38:59
like if he's sitting there in the mitzi's booth in the or yeah and he knows he doesn't know i'm coming and he thinks i'm a girl
00:39:04
and i'll just slightly in the back of his head do this right and it'll be like he thinks it's whitney or something right and he'll be like
00:39:10
goddamn [ __ ] i feel like really get angry right because he loved it at first
00:39:16
he thinks that like god is watching and when he gets to the afterlife he's gonna be like you had seven gay moments let's
00:39:21
play them back like they saved all these times when something but it's so funny like
00:39:26
whenever i have ever had like gay moments you it's you have to laugh them off like
00:39:34
when i go like when i when justin martindale used to take us out to gay nightclubs yeah and my penis would get grabbed the amount of
00:39:39
times i was sexually assaulted in a gay nightclub every time i've gone out every time just like grab my p
00:39:45
like and they pull on it like it's a yank chain from a toilet in england yeah they're like they grab at your [ __ ] dick and you
00:39:50
just have to go there's nothing you can do i was at the abbey yeah with my friend mike who's been there
00:39:57
right we're at a table and he knows eight of these dudes well he's there yeah they all know each other
00:40:02
they all know each other right and they're having right drinks i'm having die cuz i don't drink right and my knee right brushed a up against
00:40:09
another guy's knee that's across me i don't know right but you know that i have
00:40:15
what do you call it clubbed feet ocd what i have to touch things three times oh yeah ocd yeah so in my head i'm like
00:40:22
i gotta now brush my knee i swear to god two more times against
00:40:27
his leg right so i go one two he thinks now that's a signal yeah that uh like we're
00:40:34
gonna go [ __ ] in the bathroom yeah it's tapping under the skull so that he kind of like puts his hand on
00:40:40
my knee like this no yeah but what do you do no i pulled away and he goes
00:40:45
he goes excuse me and i go excuse me and he goes you go and i go oh i'm not gay and he goes i
00:40:51
thought you were oh no no i'm not sorry yeah i'm sorry but it's like but you did end up i blew
00:40:58
him in the bathroom you have to yeah because one of the jokes yeah yeah once you do the knee thing the knee thing [ __ ] me
00:41:04
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00:44:08
tell you something real fast before i went there was a long line in the bathroom at the airport
00:44:14
this image was sent into my brain it was so hard to not start laughing there's a long line and everyone's doing this thing when there's a line in the
00:44:19
men's bathroom they're like did you check that stall because people have to pee so bad they're like because the stall does are all closed so
00:44:26
i'm not kidding i'm not i'm not [ __ ] kidding i'm second to go and the guy in front of me is like really antsy
00:44:32
and he goes and he's checking all the stall doors well they're all red they all like it green direct right they're all red they're all red yeah
00:44:38
well one of the locks wasn't locked all the way oh i've done that dude i'm not kidding he opens it wide up
00:44:43
and the dude on the pooper goes down to grab his penis yeah and he just goes like this i'm in here i swear to god
00:44:51
i'm in here and the guy goes oh and he closes the door and it's like he did what else could he say he didn't
00:44:57
have to see anything we see we see i know but what do you say i open the door you're pooping there's like 17 dudes staring at you now what do you say
00:45:04
i honestly okay so i'm pooping you're pooping i swing open the door huh that's it yeah
00:45:11
what if i then go oh and then i walk in and just start peeing right between your legs you gave me the nod no that'd be weird
00:45:18
that would never happen i'm gonna piss on your chest i'm gonna cascade right down okay okay that would never happen but if it did happen yeah
00:45:24
then after that every time that happened i would say hey i'm in here hey i'm in here yeah but at this point
00:45:29
in my life it's never happened it's never happened before what would you say if a girl opened the door and you were in there if a woman opened the door in the stall
00:45:35
and you're in the stall what do you say i wouldn't say anything you just stare right at him i just shut the door back no you can't
00:45:40
it's too far away from you it's you're not it's not that close he was in an airport it's pushed back i just stare
00:45:46
stare at him okay okay how about this how weird i was in germany mm-hmm maybe taking a
00:45:52
shot 20 years ago yeah i was doing a commercial there which one it's an ibm commercial that
00:45:58
they flew me all over the place yeah the one with uh what's with the space one yeah yeah right uh uh yeah so i um
00:46:05
was in germany at a steam room um and i was the only one in there so i there's like two levels and at the
00:46:12
korean small where i'm at where i go right now i always go to the last level because there's no one ever in there and
00:46:18
i'll just stand there you stand on top of the third level in the steam room
00:46:24
and just stand there like this why do you do that why would you stand like it's super hot
00:46:30
yeah i want all the seam to be in every orifice of my body yeah so stand there like this right and
00:46:35
then three in in germany i did this three hot chicks while completely naked
00:46:40
it's mixed no it's mixed so i was like huh
00:46:48
were they the smallest dick in the same room were they cool with it no they were just like what the [ __ ] is this little asian guy
00:46:54
lost estas yeah yeah it must have been like i thought it was a gargoyle a part of the ambiance yeah yeah jose
00:47:00
included a gargoyle inside i don't know if that if that's true now but back in the day 20 years
00:47:06
it was mixed like you would have old ladies and everyone would be naked they would it wasn't a problem it's kind of harmonious and it's better have you ever
00:47:12
been to a nude beach oh yeah once you go to a nude beach one once you kind of understand
00:47:18
who goes to nude beaches it's never it's never good looking people yeah it's never the ones you want but it is always
00:47:24
old dudes with long penises they're always long they may not be thick but they're long penises
00:47:29
yeah and gray long and gray yeah great penises because they've got to put zinc on it so it doesn't get sunburned do you have
00:47:35
that beetle sun the long and winding road
00:47:41
i'm serious though do you have to put sunscreen on your penis yeah because would you ever go to a nude beach no i feel self-conscious you don't have
00:47:47
to get naked at the beach you know that right yeah like i went i went and you don't have to be naked oh then i can go bro i'd say you want to
00:47:54
see people naked at the beach she's getting curious like when i go with the nude i'm wearing armor
00:47:59
yeah yeah battalion now i'm wearing a sweater yeah yeah yeah i'm wearing a i'm wearing a jumpsuit when i go to a nude b i don't ever like to i also the idea of
00:48:06
your wiener in the sun is weird to me i why do you want your penis isn't supposed to have sun all over it well it
00:48:12
makes you but i who told me this somebody told me that they tanned their knots
00:48:17
they tan their nuts every day they'll spend an hour in the sun but they'll put their nuts in the sun
00:48:24
and it makes it more virile no way yeah look that
00:48:29
up type in testicles in the sun type in testicles in the sun let me go on like a testy in the sun
00:48:38
testicles in the sun testicle sunning boosting testosterone sunbathing your balls that's what i'm
00:48:44
telling you somebody told me that boosting your testosterone by sunbathing your balls yeah
00:48:49
yeah that's right testicle sunning or sun in your balls not to be confused with the viral trend of butthole sunning which is what i was talking about yeah
00:48:55
yeah i'm talking about nuts the practice of exposing your testicles to direct sunlight you're gonna be doing it tomorrow i'm doing it tomorrow morning i'm going to
00:49:02
send you video can i come with you 100 come back i'm going to sit out by the pool and do it our nuts are nuts
00:49:07
but how would you do it though what do you mean like how do i hide my wiener but tan my nuts yeah because i want to see your dick i pull i i have my p
00:49:13
my shorts still on i just unzip my zipper and pull my nuts through my zip hole go through the fence ah
00:49:19
i see what you're saying to put my nuts out i'll do that too let's do that you want ten or nuts nuts out i'm so
00:49:24
into it would you put on sunscreen you would 30 15 maybe no i'm not gonna you don't need it you you're
00:49:30
you can tan a little bit right which which which which i want to talk about
00:49:36
you know because wait wait hold on now of course you might need less time under the sun based on your skin tone eye yeah it can cause skin damage skin
00:49:43
cancer but apparently okay so you really can improve your
00:49:48
testosterone levels by sun in your nuts maybe this is something i need to try yeah huh
00:49:53
butthole sunning is not butthole sounding however very different what's the point of butthole stunning it's really good for you what
00:50:00
they get they apparent look there they are right there look at those fellows right there yeah yeah apparently high levels of vitamin d can enter through your anal
00:50:07
cavity you know vitamin d is really good for you so that's like really good to like sun your butthole
00:50:12
let's see that video i want to see these fellas full screen that papa
00:50:17
in a mere 30 of course that's what he's 100 attack guys he's the one that received more and more
00:50:23
are you from this electric node see then you would in an entire day being outside
00:50:30
with your clothes on so you receive more energy when you sun your butthole this is so tight i'm doing it tomorrow i
00:50:37
swear to god i want to do this can we get a picture of you and i son in our butthole like this do it yes i will honestly dude we'll
00:50:43
tape it tomorrow guys okay should i come to your house come to my house oh yeah come to my house in the sun
00:50:48
yeah yeah because i get a ton of sunlight but because i don't want your wife to tape it we'll have uh we'll have one of the guys
00:50:55
one of these guys do it okay can you come tape us son in our buttholes he's got kids he's not gonna
00:51:00
we don't have to bring the kids no but he's gonna tell his wife i gotta go [ __ ] tape the guys something in their butthole it's his job
00:51:06
it's my job you'll you'll check it out so would you do well for like 30 minutes
00:51:12
we'll sell our butthole i don't think it's i think it's at 30 seconds i don't think you're supposed to sit in the sun it
00:51:18
takes a while for me you need a lot of buttholes i think so i don't think it's gonna work right away from me i think i have a lot of like
00:51:24
layers of stuff butthole sun in yeah yeah so let's do like 30 minutes of butthole sunny all
00:51:29
right fine and we'll do 30 minutes of nuts no nut sunny has to be much less no we'll put stuff on it okay we'll go get
00:51:36
we'll go i'll go to the i'll go to the pharmacies go to cvs and go get i'll i'll get the sunscreen okay i'll
00:51:41
get different varieties okay right it's pretty uh rigid all right guys bryce can you do me a favor and get me
00:51:48
another diet coke like this but do the thing like you did with the lighter to open it sounds good thank you would he oh just
00:51:53
do you know how to do that how to crack it open no come here i'm going to teach him don't open i'm going to teach him there's no way i'm going to leave i'll break the thing will you learn
00:51:59
please we have plenty of those codes we have seven of those in that thing hey we got a lot of diet cokes i know but i
00:52:05
don't know how to i'm gonna teach you dude that's how you do it with the lighter yeah i'm gonna show you but i'm gonna i'm gonna do that that starts fights at the
00:52:12
house right i always go where's the [ __ ] bottle opener no see i know here give me the letter so i can i'm not gonna open it you are but i'm gonna show
00:52:17
you the way okay see you need to put sunscreen okay hold on i have this one okay you need to put
00:52:23
sunscreen on your butthole right now this says uh pose people right you should be sun and you should be doing it
00:52:29
all right we'll do it so look grab it like this and there's one of two ways you can either brace it here right i
00:52:35
like to brace it right here on this you it's easier so you just go like this and you see you're bracing it with this yeah and all
00:52:40
you do is crack it up it's really easy very very easy all right let's see it like this
00:52:45
look using this look using that as a
00:52:51
yeah hold on let me see no no no no no no there it is yay
00:53:03
yeah did you like that yeah yeah it worked great the boys were clapping downstairs hey yeah now that you're in die coke
00:53:10
mode what i want to show you something this will be good oh my god this is my favorite stream of videos on the internet right
00:53:15
now go ahead there is a guy there well there's a group of guys i don't know the origins so i can't i don't want to speak out of turn
00:53:22
but they play these pranks on each other and you've seen this on the i'm sure if
00:53:27
you've seen this if you're on the internet at all okay but look what these boys do to each other
00:53:35
asian yeah
00:53:46
they put mentos and coke and it explodes into order they do this to each other all the time so it doesn't explode everywhere he puts
00:53:52
his mouth over it to let it stop the stream yeah these happen it will never work and it's
00:53:57
funnier when it's the other way okay here we go
00:54:11
[Music] [Laughter] i love these guys i know but it's do the
00:54:17
one where they're in the car i know it's great it didn't used to be that's what i said when it started out they used to do it naturally to each
00:54:23
other in a car yeah they would do it in the car and then now they do it staged of course
00:54:43
look at how big that thing is do that again dude it's so fun to watch i know it's stage anymore but it's fun
00:54:49
to watch them have fun with each other [Music]
00:54:56
[Laughter]
00:55:05
i'm gonna be in that house party movie and uh oh you did it no i'm gonna do it next week and then i
00:55:10
do it in august again wait wait so i'm the only white guy in the house party i swear to god
00:55:15
i mean if every cool black person and then me tell me who's in the hospital it's like
00:55:21
it's like they put up the they put up the breakdown and they were like cool black guy cool black girl cool black guy and cool
00:55:26
black girl yeah and andrew zandino and i'm like i want to see what's in it dc dc young fly erie soleil uh
00:55:34
tosin cole george lindberg jr these are all like cool young hip black guys yeah girls wow yeah they're
00:55:40
cool as [ __ ] and we're really funny and then i'm in it i'm in it it's a comedy though no it's house party it's like it's a
00:55:47
kid remake of comedy yeah um i would play i don't know are you a cop in it what
00:55:52
are you i'm an ex i'm one of the dorky next door neighbors like the white like hey guys turn it down that's me oh i love it yeah i love it
00:55:58
well like you know did you see the original john witherspoon rest in peace yeah one of the greatest was he in house parties he was he was in the original he
00:56:04
was one of the neighbors oh i didn't know yeah dude which is sad because if he was still around you know they would have had him play
00:56:09
as like an homage again right i love that when actors get to come back to movies that they first did and get to
00:56:15
redo it i'm actually can i be honest with you yeah i'm envious that you're in that movie and house party oh yeah i'm in it
00:56:21
for three tenths of a second it's not it's not even gonna be real dude it's not it i'm not in the movie for what it's worth
00:56:27
i'm like i mean there's a house party going on and i'm the next i'm one of the next right so it's like there's always that
00:56:33
yeah i'm always in a neighborhood movie right totally there's always that annoying neighbor yeah right so you knock on the door
00:56:39
yeah there'll be a scene of you knocking on the door like a cop or whatever and excuse me can you turn it down
00:56:45
please yeah well i'm not gonna give i'm not gonna give away what the scene is but yes but it's that type of scene right yeah
00:56:51
you're gonna be in the movie and it's gonna be memorable maybe yeah i could easily see them uh um
00:56:58
they're rooming me you know do they do you don't die in it no but something happens to you yes
00:57:04
something crazy something cool because you know it's so funny you are you know how they yeah yeah they reintroduced me to do
00:57:11
something cool at the end yeah something crazy though so that happens to you something that you'll that you will go i love it
00:57:17
yeah i love it yeah yeah because i love the ferris but hey jules you ever see ferris bueller's day off no way i knew she hasn't no way
00:57:24
one of the best movies in the history of films john hughes john hughes yo yeah tim robinson show
00:57:31
i think you you should leave have you ever seen it who's tim robertson holy [ __ ] you know tim robinson is no oh my
00:57:37
god tim robinson was a writer for saturday night live he's an amazing comedian yeah yeah he had a show on netflix called i
00:57:43
think you should i think you should leave yeah and the first season was great the second scene just came out it's
00:57:49
i'm not kidding it's one of the funniest things i've ever seen in my life because you've said that before and then
00:57:54
i've knocked out it's knockout hilarious here's the pro here's the thing about sketch i'm gonna preface this and i'll say this to our audience too
00:58:00
yeah and i loved him i texted him on the plane and i said dude yeah incredible the thing about sketches and my this is
00:58:05
my stupid opinion oh my god i love it already you either are hitting a home run yeah or it's a foul ball
00:58:10
yeah so here's what i like about sketches uh-huh sometimes it's a miss yeah sometimes
00:58:16
it's a strikeout yeah that happens in all of them yeah but the ones that are home runs are [ __ ] amazing yeah there's no
00:58:22
doubt i mean he and peel had some cam people had the classics and they had a couple of the funniest things you've ever seen
00:58:29
yeah yeah yeah but this guy tim robinson is a [ __ ] genius and i'm telling you dude yeah this show has some bits in it
00:58:36
that will you will [ __ ] your pants they're so funny oh i can't wait to watch it you're gonna love it yeah yeah you're going to love it i already can
00:58:42
see it in my head you're going to love it yeah yeah it's he's quirky he's great no i just from the photo itself oh he's
00:58:48
so good you mean it's like oh i have to watch that have you guys seen it i've seen the first season yeah it's
00:58:53
great you like the first season yeah i haven't seen the second i think this is better than the first season i i like the first season but i think
00:58:59
this has more home runs in it because what he does and it he goes through this world of like reintroducing characters
00:59:05
and old bits from other which i love you know mr show used to do that remember same thing where you're like oh that's that guy that's the
00:59:11
character from this other sketch that he put into this sketch yeah it's a call back yeah it's really wonderful you've seen
00:59:16
it on pete yeah bryce you never watched it you don't have time um you're gonna watch this
00:59:22
hold on i want someone sent me this video i want to show i want to show you this real fast because this guy is my favorite guy do you know who kevin samuels is have
00:59:27
you ever heard of him do you know who that is i don't know anybody this guy's amazing this guy so he's like a
00:59:32
i want to preface this okay this guy is like a motivational speaker
00:59:38
um and particularly he talks often to black audiences is only like his directive is like
00:59:44
helping black men and women talk open and honestly about relationships and sex and presentation and he's a little
00:59:53
uh brutally honest okay so watch some of this just watch some of this
01:00:00
you got a big dick huh do you have a big dick i mean it's above average i ain't no run
01:00:06
jeremy no no no no i asked you if you had a big dick i just said it was above average i don't know what that is really that a
01:00:12
big
01:00:18
i know i got a big dick you don't know i mean you don't have a big dick that's the
01:00:23
point you don't have a big dick you don't have a big wallet you're a bit you're a fat dude and you
01:00:29
got a lot of nerve thinking you should get choosing signals at 5 foot 10 and 300 pounds
01:00:34
making less than a thousand dollars a month at 20 years old
01:00:39
and women should approach you what they get they don't even get a big dick
01:00:47
dude the other guy and then he hangs up on people yeah the other guys are like oh i would shoot myself in the face
01:00:54
people caught bobby people call him for advice yeah and they let him [ __ ] on them i got to see more yes he's
01:01:00
i love this guy he's amazing kevin samuel who's we a black man who's that
01:01:05
who's we who who is that who is that hello yeah check your [ __ ]
01:01:12
for the one person okay [ __ ] you up kevin really [ __ ] you up get this big [ __ ]
01:01:17
look at this little thing you like me look at this little fool look
01:01:28
that's why i just sat there and let her stupid ass talk
01:01:33
this is why you're dying alone guys let us
01:01:40
ain't nobody rushing to try to make that was a stray bro yeah it's endless
01:01:48
i've watched this i'm not kidding i have to watch i'll watch hours of him hours how do you find it how do i find it kevin samuels is
01:01:53
just youtube kevin samuels wait but let me tell you one before this next one please the funniest one i think i've ever seen in
01:01:58
my life yeah he's got a guy and a girl i couldn't find it he's got a guy and a girl and
01:02:04
he's doing kind of like a match a matching thing but he all he's really doing he's setting them up to tell them
01:02:09
their flaws to each other yeah like making her go what don't you like about this guy yeah and in the middle he's adding stuff
01:02:15
so she'll go well he you know he's bowed and he'll go yeah he bald and he's fat and he got big old forehead and he's
01:02:21
just like yeah yeah and they love it and they take it but but is it is he a
01:02:27
relationship coach no dude he is a life he is a life coach
01:02:33
yes and particularly his whole goal was like to get away from these i deserve um uh stigmas of like
01:02:40
a lot of times he would try to coach women and be like here's why guys don't want you this is his whole thing by the way white guy canceled this is if
01:02:48
this is a white guy oh done they're gonna kill him they're gonna count they're gonna kill him yeah yeah yeah but but in the black and the
01:02:53
black community yeah they can take this fun honesty and they go back and forth if you said that to a group of white chicks yeah they'd chew you yeah
01:03:03
no ma'am marriage is a natural choice because if marriage was a spiritual choice god would be responsible for
01:03:09
all the divorces and he is not but god created marriage no he did not oh yes no he didn't okay
01:03:16
you're going to argue okay i know i'm not going to you're 24. you're not going to argue with me because one i know what i'm talking
01:03:22
about and i can first of all even if you're a christian you shouldn't be arguing with me in the first place
01:03:28
are you correct were adam and eve married
01:03:33
yes who performed the ceremony is jesus dead oh god [ __ ]
01:03:42
seriously i'm saying oh [ __ ] because you're are you serious
01:03:47
god adam and eve were married there was only one person on the planet it was
01:03:52
adam god put him to sleep and he wrote went inside of him took out a rib and said
01:03:58
flesh of my flesh he he made eid he presented eve to adam they didn't get married who did their
01:04:05
ceremony simba are you kidding they weren't married let me see another one that one's okay
01:04:11
let me see another one and how tall are you i'm 5'3 how much do you weigh that's
01:04:17
none of your business i told you i was fat oh okay we don't play that [ __ ] on my channel
01:04:23
get your big fat ass on somewhere i don't deal you big sassy ass broads as an image consultant
01:04:30
and as a person and a professional there it is you can be 5'3 and weigh so much that you don't even want to tell
01:04:36
somebody how much you weigh and think you don't get a man to marry you a high value man
01:04:42
so you go ahead and go on back over and get your two-piece or three-piece or whatever you got coming from you know
01:04:47
chick-fil-a or pop-eyes you think she talked to brad that way
01:04:54
hell no oh i love this guy kevin samuels kevin savage can we find a way to connect with him to get him on
01:05:00
this show wouldn't you love that yeah it's like uh this guy's great
01:05:05
he's great but it's like um he's so mean it's wonderful it's mean but it's not just no big [ __ ]
01:05:10
ass true what do you mean because it's like this is his five three items
01:05:16
let me tell you something yeah these people the people that call into the show yeah they they know what it is i know i don't get it so i understand it
01:05:22
but i'm just saying so i'm just saying it's like all right there's several ways
01:05:28
to get a man of course all right so you're 5'3 right and you weigh what 200 pounds yes
01:05:33
fat right yeah right but the inner skills have to be great yeah right so for
01:05:40
instance he's an imagery i know i know he's talking about image only that's his whole thing right but i'm
01:05:47
just saying that these women are calling i can't find a man i know five three right but shame on them they're calling this guy
01:05:52
i know but there's just several i'm just saying if i wasn't like a consultant a life consultant yeah
01:05:57
right like there's two ways either lose the weight look look good or become an empire
01:06:03
right right right right right there's only two ways but that's not look if no the reason kalila's with you
01:06:09
is not because you're a good-looking five-foot-four guy exactly it's because you're talented and
01:06:15
i have other things i knew you make up for your flaws i looked in the mirror long ago yeah and and he's a young man and i went
01:06:23
okay gotta better be you love beautiful women yeah i did i've always liked it right and i'm
01:06:29
not like the other guys my types going i'm just gonna go for what i you know i always aim high in everything that i do
01:06:36
right well because if you if you aim you know shoot for the moon you'll still end up in the stars yeah like for instance i came into this
01:06:42
business think i was gonna be tom cruise this is where i landed yeah this is fine by me though your tongo cruise now
01:06:48
right so what i'm saying is is that like you know i looked in the mirror and i go what do
01:06:53
i need to do you figured out your strengths i had to go i'm funny right i have interest
01:06:59
you know i mean and maybe doing some sort of performance yeah right i'm not a good musician so yeah i
01:07:04
did that earlier i was like that's not bad you were a good musician okay right but it's like i think that i got to do something so
01:07:10
i did incredible like risks at risk taking like i would just
01:07:16
go up i have no experience performing really right so i walked up to a club
01:07:21
and i just signed my name and i waited for six hours they called my name and i ran up
01:07:26
there and i have no writing you know i mean i didn't went to a seminar or i'd go to college for writing
01:07:32
either i just wrote down whatever i thought might be funny and 95 of it was junk but every week i
01:07:39
would just keep going and then i would go three four five times a week and eventually i figured it out and then eventually i started getting
01:07:45
women that were like above my pay grade pay grade yeah right so i'm just saying that
01:07:51
i know what he's saying first of all what he's doing is entertainment like he's just doing this just to create
01:07:57
content it is funny he's trolling people he's trolling people but it's wonderful it is wonderful i want him on
01:08:02
the show i want kevin on the show but you don't feel bad for these women that are calling in i i didn't say any
01:08:08
of the mean things i like listening to it because it's hilarious yeah but he does this to guys and the first clip we saw he's like you
01:08:13
got a big dick yeah yeah he does it to everybody yeah he's trolling you and by the way that's my point is if you don't like him
01:08:19
or you don't like the behavior of that that talk don't call in don't watch don't listen right right that's my whole
01:08:24
point about censorship in our business at all howard stern has been the filthiest mouse like here's a dude who's like i'm
01:08:30
a vegan and i we rescue dogs like dude he spent the first half of his career being like show me your tits i mean dude what do you
01:08:36
mean he's a shock guy even us it's like i've i've read comments on bad friends yeah
01:08:41
sub the worst podcast or whatever i might say the worst you they think were the worst somebody had
01:08:46
said that the worst part like there are so many worse podcasts unlistenable right every week
01:08:52
they say every week it's unlistenable right but they listen every week yeah oh right right so it's like it kind
01:08:59
of was like there's way worse podcasts out there good for you
01:09:05
my point is is that like i should stop reading that [ __ ] yeah 100 100 it doesn't mean anything
01:09:12
you know what yeah and let me say this let me say this because i'm going to close the episode with something sweet out of all the questions i got this this
01:09:18
past week in houston a lot about you which was very annoying it's very annoying because she's getting a little bit too big for her britches
01:09:23
and i'm getting a little frustrated yeah and they all asked about her because they love you and at the very end
01:09:29
one guy said i don't have a question i have a comment i just want to thank you and thank you guys for giving us content
01:09:36
every week for doing what you do because it means a lot to us whether or not you recognize that we know that it's you know putting in work and time and
01:09:42
effort and all that stuff so to that dude i wish i'd give him a big hug i think that was amazing because i we do
01:09:48
appreciate all the fans i don't give a [ __ ] about the comments positive or negative i just want to say
01:09:53
thank you to the fans because it does mean a lot dude it means a lot when they come to the shows and they're super supportive and they're excited about this
01:09:58
us doing this i mean i'm being jealous
01:10:04
they're all you know you were you had left the stage yeah and i i literally tried to be vulnerable and i said to and i really meant it i said
01:10:12
i i just i i like you guys have recreated me that's reinvented you
01:10:18
reinvented me yeah and i feel like you know i've i've had fans before
01:10:24
but not this intense and personal and so it's like when they come up to me and they go can i get
01:10:30
a photo or i i talk to them like regular like it's regular it's like it is i think i think that i look them in the
01:10:37
eyes i thank them i say i take every photo and i'm and i'm just very like in awe of
01:10:43
it and i i and you know i know that we do what we do you mean as a service you know whatever
01:10:50
but well we love it we get it back though from them oh yeah dude it fuels us and it's like it literally
01:10:57
is just the most amazing life that i could ever imagine we love you guys
01:11:06
you do it i thought you were gonna do it with me i was doing it let's do it really softly and quietly
01:11:11
because we mean it thank you
01:11:30
[Music]
