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hey everybody um we got a new merch we got new merch we got new merch and it's a new year it's a new year we have these
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hoodies look at that and rudy's got the green shirt green shirt i like this i i like this one i like that one and it's got this one has a little kimono dragon
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on it i love it oh get it get it also come see me on the road andrew santo.com i'm on the road doing stand-up comedy all over the country come see me andrew santino.com
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you two are bad friends [Music] we're bad friends happy new year blue light in your eyes
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i can't do the podcast because there's a blue light in my eye right blue light in my eyes i can't do the podcast because there's a blue light
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in my eyes that's a really good song it's a really good song happy 2022 happy happy happy what a year what a beautiful year that is a beautiful year i got to grow
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with my family with your family and this is my new family it's your new family right can i say something yeah you look
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good ah you look good you know who didn't dress up and doesn't look good no i know you didn't yeah i have a dress she's wearing a dress oh you are yes what is that what's that fishnet top you
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got on oh it is a nice dress you look nice [ __ ] [ __ ] you are i couldn't tell she spent nine hours
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normally she looks like a [ __ ] brown pill bug does she look like a brown pill book right now no she looks like a human
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being right yeah she does you look good we put [ __ ] water on her we put soap on her we [ __ ] put that little shampoo a little bit of shampoo on your
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hair right i showered yeah she begged she's like it's been a year i go here's some with the garbage can was it head and
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shoulders but it was a it was a combo it's two for one two and one it was it was yeah conditioner because you know she has no time well no it's just that i
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use that for the animals and the dogs and her and look who else dressed up ladies and
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gentlemen little black magic in the house looking good maroon you know he's wearing a steel look at him steve harvey's suit that's
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steve harvey's finest show me purple [Laughter] show me purple purple yeah yeah yeah also and uh doc little
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black magic's got himself a little bit of vino vino what's inside the glass there doc got a little bit of pinot noir
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uh sponsored by barefoot new year's letter i'm letting him have it he's plugging it you can't plug a brand
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of wine we don't have spot why not okay okay we can edit that out but hey man 2022 is looking good on the walls right
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there and uh oh it's looking good on the wall but not for you in the real future yeah uh also shout out to your wall it's
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not looking good no yeah yeah your wall dude is like it's like one of those haunted walls in the movies yeah
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and it's crack it's you know the chunks of chocolate coming missing yeah what's on your vision board doc
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you know what mary oh you know what i had to take my vision board down because yeah i have one because uh hopefully steve harvey here wants to [ __ ] y'all
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wait a minute wait a minute wait what was on your vision board yeah everywhere none of this happened yet but then uh i had i had a instagram model on
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there right all right give get another pen and paper we got to create another [ __ ] video
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selling out all over the country yeah and an instagram model as a girlfriend or a wife yeah as what i want and what i
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look like but the problem is is delusion board is that a delusion yeah they're called delusion
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no no no reach for the stars get a condo and plus this you started with a copy instagram star probably on this thing it's probably tequila no he doesn't know who what an instagram
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star is is that oh that the girl that i put on there uh i come to find out because the the account got canceled right and come to find out uh
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the reason the count got cancelled because it was uh uh transgender and i didn't know so i
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[ __ ] had to so i had to revamp the board because i you know if you roll like that that's you but transgender that ain't my future
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that ain't i wasn't trying to be you made the board [ __ ] face it's not like god made the board you
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made the board you made the board transgender this [ __ ] looked delicious though bobby i was like that's
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that's right yeah that's on you and that's fine yeah can we bring can we bring her up yeah
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yeah i want to see what delicious looks like man this [ __ ] gonna be all on the internet no man it's already on the
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internet what are you [ __ ] up what do you think is going yes that's her that's a dude all right first of all it's not a dude it's a it's
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a woman my bad it's a woman but let me see but can you zoom in just pinch pinch and pinch give me something
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wow she looks good dude what are you talking about that should be that's all should be on your vision board as her yeah i'm aboard but it was like what happened
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was how i found out because it was canceled i said what happened to this account because i i kind of go on a lot of women's account so
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how many women's accounts do you go point the mic towards you so we can see it okay uh on an average day a good 20 or 15 of
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them okay what are you doing on the pages andrew i just i just watched these stories and see what kind of pictures they got right you
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know what andrew andrew he's a [ __ ] he's a [ __ ] stalker legitimate stalker rudy you feel uncomfortable sitting next yeah yeah give some room a little room thank you
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hands up the whole time yeah where's your penis okay so time out let's slow down yeah so pimpalia her name is what what's her full name i don't know her name
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is the man aaliyah jasmine so this is how i found out because it kind of it it got deleted that's what
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happened to this girl and then i said so i started googling and then all of a sudden these guys started talking about
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her and then some guy put up a picture of her before and after oh let's scroll down but i was like what wait let's type in
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jasmine there were some famous rappers and singers a lot of people was following this woman oh there you go just go to images yeah
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that'll work too but dog at the end oh there's a lady there can i say something hot before yeah yeah maybe hotter before man maybe not me bro i said god damn
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holy [ __ ] born a guy got rid of it so go back to her instagram page so you're scrolling through the page one day and then she's on your vision board you feel bad because you're looking at
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her took us and you like it look at it it's got nice she's got nice whatever whatever that's one of the greatest looking ones i've ever seen i said god damn great looking what tr uh
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trans women yeah yeah if you sexy woman let me ask you something that saturday night
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that you because that show we haven't talked about the show yeah san diego yeah we did yeah a little bit yeah yeah yeah you
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did great that you did great no we haven't talked about that show since since have we boys you know what we have without a dog
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we didn't do it with doc yeah oh yeah i just want to say that show you did great oh thank you bro number one all right because i have some
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resentments that i want to throw out if you don't mind if you don't mind we got a close relationship going we do um
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you know i don't know how you manage time you know i don't know if you use your clock i don't even if you have an internal clock okay but your internal clock is wrong yeah it's very rough it's
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very wrong it's all it's way off it's way off and when somebody says to do you know when you go into an old town there
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was a clock in the middle of the in the town and it's been 2 30 for i don't know seven years yeah that's your entire car
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you know the clock that's in back to the future exactly after after like the strike yeah
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not working right not working so we told you you know it's a i don't know it was 2 000 people yeah i was like 14 or 1500
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yeah sold out sold out and um we go go to 10 minutes right bobby said 10 to 12 times
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fine it's fine and and bob even goes if he does 15 because he's having fun fine fine right now
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him and i work 25 minutes in yep right yep i'm you now i'm a human life okay right i'm i'm doing good
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get up right you're in the pocket you start doing crowd work and new stories yeah yeah yeah yeah
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he saw a guy in the audience he's like oh let me tell where you from carlsbad he just started making up stories yeah
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you did this whole [ __ ] carlsbad [ __ ] what what beach bit what was it about were you just in the moment so
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much you just you didn't realize i just was like you know man couldn't see the clock by the way clock right on the floor right
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on the floor made me so mad i was like they love me and i love them oh my god did you see the applause that jules got before you you [ __ ] face uh
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i kind of liked it but i also had a lot of parts going on a lot of farts and that's the thing barbra streisand has that when she performs she has farts and she has that's true when she gets nervous she incorporates the farts into
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her singing i don't know if you know that yeah yeah yeah break me away yeah yeah i couldn't think of a barbra strands that song so i don't know
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well give me a barbershop is there one what about the one with the eyes then when she played the um
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oh no the one with the candle which one was that her hers is uh let's see that woman is a
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little mama my mama can you hear me which one's on no more tears pop papa can you yeah
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it's that mama it's papa can you hear me that's her right can you hear me i want it i want you to incorporate a fart with a real song can you hear me
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thank you thank you my point though is this so that night right you killed right killed if that
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girl right came up to you after that show jasmine jasmine and go hey baby killed
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it this is strongest 45 minutes i've ever seen because you would have to say that because you did that much time right
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that's the strongest 45 i didn't know that the headliner went up before the headliner i had no idea that the head that the
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opener does way more time than the headlights yeah like 20 minutes longer yeah and um
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anyway um let's smash so would you a smasher that night even if you didn't know no if you didn't know
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if i didn't know of course but no i wouldn't smash because you get there and then you go oh let me tell you right here i want to
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know what you do in the aw what's the matter i want to know i want to know what you do look jasmine's right there there she is hi
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hey how you doing so um nice hour okay very strong so um what hotel are you staying at black magic you know i'm gonna leave because that was the first thing i've ever heard
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if you say black magic to a woman and you point like that yeah i i suggest i suggest edit that cut that out i'm going to the police if you do that so you
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i imagine if you did that to your daughter yeah police black magic oh my god you're walking around the street with your kids san diego right you see the way she comes two in the morning black magic
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yeah and she says hey let's let's get naked right so you would make out right because you wouldn't know
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you would never know are you a guy that's bear so your tongue is now with his tongue
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or her tongue with passion they're [ __ ] lacing kind of she takes down her pants let's keep taking off your pants
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start to come off come on right and you know it's so hot and heated dude hot the tip of your penis right there's little
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squirts of black magic okay yeah liquid form a little bit of black magic coming like
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wood form liquid form i'm ready right coming up right right and then you're like okay now she starts
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blowing you now you don't ask in a situation you never ask hey are you what is that fonzie that's him
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your help hey hey hey are you a man you're not going to ask that you're going to get the [ __ ] yeah you're good right because you're just assuming everything's fine and can i say something yeah doing whatever you do
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it's the best head you've ever had killer i mean it's because you're waiting honestly don't touch rudy yeah
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listen yeah so it's going really well you're getting really close getting close right because you're saving
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because you're like in every guy's mind when all this is happening you're like is the main event going to happen right is this just going to be the end of the show which would have been fine
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i like a pre-show sure love a shirt right you put out the pre-show the opening that goes out they go
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the headliners are sick that's fine fine but i want to see the bit mainstream i do want to see them right so oh yeah
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curt main show is happening curtains curtains is that you call it the curtain that's hilarious okay that's i love your
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lingo let's go so you slowly pull her her pants down yeah pull your pants down and look at those pants right those are now you can't get him she's on her
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back you're pulling out you can't get him off why why andrew why can't he pull the pants
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down her belt's on oh it's about time but then you think the belt the colorful like rainbow suspenders off right we take those off right and then still you can't take the pants i wonder
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why you can't take them off because there's a oh right what is that i don't know what this is okay right oh
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okay okay yeah this woman's already sucked your dick you've already done this with the tongue yeah right the thing that you were doing
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yeah which is what you call what what do you call it yeah what'd you call it lacing with passion
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we gotta write all these things what do you say i want to know what doc says to get out of the situation yeah i'ma go
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wow i didn't know you had one of those oh she goes is that a problem is that a problem yeah he has a goddamn problem
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yeah what would you really say if look by the way she might be i don't know she might not have uh she might not
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she might have already gone through the surgery i don't know so what if what if she pulled on her pants and it's a surgical new vagina vagina
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how would i know though exactly exactly how you would do it exactly exactly you come you lay next to each other you're a great time you're almost
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in love he looks at you oh she looks she looks at you and she goes do you like [ __ ] my
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brand new i might have my penis split in half tucked inside my body and you sticking your penis in the inside of my surgical penis so we kind of like you [ __ ] the inside of my penis you're okay
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okay i've never been in that situation that's one of those but you know what you ever
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had like imagine you've explained this guy explaining that to me and i'm going okay
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this is hilarious i think you should give it a shot yeah yeah that's the first shot that's the point our point the thing that bobby and i are trying to teach you is yeah be open okay
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because you don't know what if you fall in love with pimplia pimple all right you have a house on it so you put a mansion on there okay whose match did you put on there
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it's uh in studio city in the valley there is a real house there's a room you went to some guy's house you took a photo of us printed it out in my car parked walked in front of it and snapped
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a picture of it i'll imagine that now we we live in the house just a little tiny black guy comes up on my lawn i imagine i you know what uh i wouldn't even say it i would think that i imagined it yeah
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because a little black is hallucinating yeah did a portal from open up and you know from mythological
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land and this little black magical guy came out with that [ __ ] magical one can i tell you
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something if aliens do come down and take over people's bodies to do documentation yeah 100 percent i believe
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that you were an alien oh that little black magic body looking quick swallowing up to
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i believe that you're a little black magic alien that could be you know what do you never know do you remember in jurassic park too
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when the dinosaur finally makes it to san diego yeah so the girl there's a little kid who wakes up at this you know
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i mean yeah the second floor of his house yeah you know and he sees a t-rex in his [ __ ] yeah right by the pool right you know and he does one of those things where he wakes up his parents and he
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doesn't scream he goes there's a dinosaur intermediate and casually i think that's what i would do if i
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thought there's a little black man outside write to my parents and they'd be like go back to sleep john you're crazy so you took a picture of this man's house it's on your board took a picture
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put it on the board i don't think there's nothing wrong with that no i think it's cute that's why i'm laughing i don't think it's wrong
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it's not like i'm not in beverly hills taking pictures i just went to a regular street and just said this house right
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here so you're going to get a house next year doc i believe it yeah i believe you're going to get a house i believe you're going to probably not that house
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no no chance probably not no just a house i think we can get you a house in somewhere in in
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like chatsworth or jackie yeah or santa clarita like maybe don't be mean yeah you mean because jazz was like let's try
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to get him our house in studio city okay yeah yeah i mean no yeah i know i don't want you know
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what i don't know yeah yeah yeah i'm sorry buddy you know what i'm excited i i i'm curious to see the oprah episode
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that he saw to inspire him to do the vision board yeah like he like saw something yeah
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where he went holy [ __ ] you know he went and bought i got a [ __ ] art paper to do the vision right
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scissors he went and did [ __ ] you don't want to do it the way y'all talking y'all don't own a copy of the secret huh
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oh my god man y'all don't believe is just put music over him talking about what the secret is it's gonna be there's gonna be an hour of him telling me man so um you just put
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it out there gonna come to you okay so that's the secret we're gonna do it as a ted talk
00:21:40
hello everybody welcome to 2022 our new ted talk series you guys excited yeah we're opening up with a great oh my god a man
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i don't even know how to explain it you explain it hello friends oh i love hellofresh when
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i see the box outside my door and i know that i get to open that thing up and cook food oh for
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my family for your whole family and i give to give give them fresh food fresh really delicious ingredients yep farm
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fresh pre-portioned ingredients seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep skip trip to the grocery store count on hellofresh to make home cooking easy fun
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and affordable that's why it's america's number one meal kit let me tell you something the new year is a great time
00:22:26
to focus on what's most important to you whether it's saving money by ordering less take out learning to cook or
00:22:33
prioritizing your wellness hellofresh is here to help with endless options to make cooking at home simple and
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enjoyable hey man they deliver those pre-portioned ingredients they're delicious i've used it we actually very much enjoy it uh
00:22:47
30 minutes or less that's how quick you can cook a meal 20 minutes recipes are on there too and they got dessert to
00:22:52
satisfy bobby sweet tooth yeah and check it out hello fresh is 72 cheaper than a restaurant meal of the same quality and you can save on an average of over 65 per month when you
00:23:06
order hello fresh instead of grocery shopping that's huge yeah that's more money to put toward those other two
00:23:11
other 2022 goals of yours go to hellofresh.com badfriend16 and use the code badfriend16 for up to 16 free meals
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and three free gifts go to hellofresh.com badfriend16 and use code badfriend16s for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts that's right hello fresh america's number one meal kit
00:23:30
we're opening up tonight with a man who's got a vision yeah bored yeah and he's here to tell you about manifestation manifestation yes
00:23:42
and about the secret i don't know if you've heard of the secret but the secret the secret and finding the truth
00:23:47
in the universe in the universe ladies and gentlemen professor professor sir sir sir he's been knighted and you know
00:23:54
what i mean and he has a degree what yeah professor sir sir doc willis willis williams williams williamson
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the third the third phd yeah i didn't say that [Applause] happy 2022 i don't know now the secret
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damn you gotta like in your heart know that the universe is the center of yourself right and then there are dimensions to yourself
00:24:31
now i don't really like to talk about dimensions because dimensions i get a little scared especially after that [ __ ] meets yo kaku said about dimensions did
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you hear about them are you asking the audience a question yeah yeah i'm asking well no
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see that's it that's what i need some participation but your cocoon [ __ ] that scared the [ __ ] out of me i'm gonna tell you that
00:24:49
about dimensions now this all connects to the goddamn whoa holy [ __ ] this this this thing has gone off the rails in the first 30 seconds
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okay okay okay the secret okay so anyway yeah he said that thing in the world oh they
00:25:09
muted his mic perfect thank you and now people stand up and go that was a bad one what's going on
00:25:21
where's tony robbins terrible all right so so pimple the house and one more thing is on your
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vision board selling out the theater selling out theaters and stadiums oh do you really want to sell out
00:25:34
stadiums yeah you do yeah do you have any desire to do statements coffee shop i mean
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then belly room maybe let's go laundromat irish pub yes laundromat because it's the live crowd so you can learn from that okay right uh
00:26:01
uh uh her bar mitzvah yeah yeah okay i'm sorry okay and then move on to stadiums go to clubs b rooms a rooms and then and then uh 50 years later who
00:26:13
knows okay well i'm just saying 50 wait a minute yeah that was that was that was a little
00:26:20
bit you know what you are you are a great comic doc you're gonna have a great 2022.
00:26:26
and i believe that you keep working as hard as you are and it's going to work out i appreciate it i loved the shock on
00:26:31
his face when you started getting real legitimate laughs on that stage it was wild no i
00:26:36
was yeah you were grumpy actually you're like you're trying to write something you're like come on man give me my space and like being like that guy yeah yeah
00:26:48
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah bobby come on man it's not messing with me right now he was so nervous so nervous i was man it was before every show that
00:26:55
was a great show though so fun he's so [ __ ] fun rudy do you have a vision board
00:27:00
no i don't but if i had one would be to sleep less have a boyfriend foster more dogs and meet harry styles
00:27:19
okay it's a good board it's a good really good one she's uh she's kind of a stalker bro she said harry styles again don't try just like me don't try to
00:27:29
you guys don't try to felt your stalking on somebody what's on your vision board bob hello what's on your vision board teeth
00:27:45
so i have 13 teeth you want more no i want the 13 i i haven't seen you know that i went to the dentist and the
00:27:52
dentist said you're missing 13 teeth that's a lot isn't it it's i i felt i i honestly thought there's more than 13 teeth in the mouth
00:28:04
how many teeth are in the mouth 20 i don't know 32 teeth because like father like daughter
00:28:11
and you know i thought in my in my head i'm like how am i influencing juliana you know in my house because she's lived with me for a couple years since high school and whatnot and it's like am i having any kind of influence
00:28:23
on her life of course and it turns out that i do because she went to the dentist and go what did the dentist say what did they
00:28:29
say rude i have nine cavities nine yeah yeah so that's so funny somebody so when i heard
00:28:37
that it was like her saying i just got straight a's like as a proud pair i literally had
00:28:44
tears in my eyes and i go i'm so proud of you buddy you know what i mean my little mock mouth
00:28:50
my little muck mouth wait a minute seriously nine [ __ ] kevin what are you sucking on sugar cubes you're gonna have nine cavities
00:28:57
too george had nine cavities as well listen to the rat that guy was that the dentist was a liar
00:29:04
i think his body the dentist was a liar yup he was just getting me for money so you said you think he filled in cavities that weren't there my teeth hurt much worse after he got done with him than before
00:29:16
oh really he looked at me about yeah yeah 52 counting the kid like you don't question it
00:29:22
give me the [ __ ] x-rays nine cavities rudy jules how are you ending up with that many
00:29:27
i don't know my parents never took me to the dentist do you brush your teeth yeah how many times a day two do you floss
00:29:34
yeah do you drink sugary drinks no nope is this all fake she's you don't fall i've flown never seen you floss why'd you roll your eyes just now why'd you roll your eyes now right because you
00:29:46
know i live with her i've never seen her floss there's never been a floss near you
00:29:55
you have three flosses yeah yeah yeah yeah just the same rope which one of the rope i used today she
00:30:01
does use mouthwash yeah yeah because sometimes i use yours listerine the listerine the only one
00:30:07
that you can use yeah yeah it's one that kills real germs do you have cavities doc look at them
00:30:12
you got a bunch i got more than nine that [ __ ] is like this you gotta be a rookie to have only nine
00:30:18
goddamn calories you're putting up first year now i got it at least what happened with the tooth that we talked about in san diego i'm still working on it you're still working on getting the hole
00:30:43
out of your tooth yeah we're getting the the crown and stuff put in so how long does that take you did you order it from
00:30:51
china what's where's the back order can i be honest with you yeah i missed my dentist appointment i was drinking a
00:30:56
little bit a little bit too much the other day i had fun are we having trouble do we need to put
00:31:02
away the problem man you're missing dentist appointments because you're getting lit up
00:31:07
yeah because what happened is you're getting lit up during the days though that's what makes
00:31:13
it scary that's scary he's doing today everybody who drinks drinks during the day that's facts you can google that does everybody drink during the day
00:31:25
george google that honestly they drink as well for a second everybody drinks during the day you can google it that's fast andrew andrew we might have a problem we do
00:31:39
we have a problem ultimately drinking during the day is no worries for some people uh but
00:31:44
it sounds like you're missing appointments and that's bad who wrote that quote charles bukowski
00:31:51
that sounds bad doc yeah sounds like it just was just this one time all right that's what they all say it was just
00:31:57
this one time no no you did you've been doing it you've been doing it been doing what
00:32:02
drinking drinking during the day yeah that's the only time i can drink i can't drink at night why not why because i
00:32:07
have to go to bed for work the next day that's true he has to go to bed shout out to london shout out to ireland stop shouting out cities and countries
00:32:21
he's doing it again he's doing his thing again we need an intervention i think in fact we have to write down our feelings right and how it hurts us your behavior has affected me in the following ways
00:32:35
yeah you're missing dental appointments getting holes in your teeth your visions are out of whack yeah your visions aren't white you say black magic and point your finger at
00:32:47
strangers you don't like that that's alcoholism that's in the big book but let me say it
00:32:53
yeah yeah but now that it's it's new year's eve that's it new year's resolutions your new year's revolution
00:32:58
revolution is and resolution should be put it away be gentle put water away you got to put away the sauce oh that that's man hey man that's like some
00:33:10
kind of uh black home uh that's a crime yeah y'all ain't y'all [ __ ] hey man you don't do that don't point at me jules could you talk to them
00:33:22
jews say something against i think you need to stop there we go listen up there we go listen up you need
00:33:28
to stop dude okay all right so um okay let's go oh now he's taking the fun stuff off his face
00:33:39
oh sorry about that let me say this let's let's shift gears all right i've i we have had such a good time adding
00:33:45
little black magic to the show has been amazing keeping rudy jules in town i'm appreciative for the following things about the show here we go my
00:33:52
little fancy bee looks so good today here we go george that jacket is fire uh little rudy jules not going away far away to college and staying with us on the show means a lot to me i appreciate
00:34:02
it little black magic what in addition you are to the show although we might have to put you in a center next year oh
00:34:07
in the treatment center and then you know i've been doing all of them yeah he's been overwhelmed yeah whatever you need he's got like a uh uh what is that
00:34:13
that was one of those cards where you can go back oh i go back oh yeah yeah welcome back well it's like a
00:34:19
gift card i can give you a gift card we can go anyway um doc yeah because you know that
00:34:24
i'm a recovering alcoholic as well yeah what you'd yeah okay you're the [ __ ] mess back then but goya okay can we talk i'm concerned well
00:34:36
we're not we don't know we're not judging we're not talking no that's not joking we're not talking about me we have a problem here baby come in
00:34:41
there oh [ __ ] okay doc you're the one that literally has a problem you blacked out and missed a [ __ ]
00:34:46
dentist appointment at like noon so this is what this is about it's about old doc okay well we you know we here's the here's the deal dude okay
00:34:59
yeah you know we've been before you came to this podcast we had every once in a while talked about you mm-hmm okay how
00:35:05
we love your magical energy we do i mean and we've heard about the black magic we've heard about uh the folklore right
00:35:12
and the books and the fables we know we know all about we know right and we brought you in right we go but this is a good chemistry
00:35:19
yeah it fits well we find that your random things that you say in your point of view to be different than ours and i think it works because kind of yeah i love y'all too man
00:35:30
in the new year i'm gonna go to the philippines show me that thing you were gonna what is that thing we got some new year's traditions by the
00:35:36
way uh korean in korean new year's tradition is sebay how do you say that sabae baby what is sabae baby i have no
00:35:43
idea i've never heard of it before well children pay their respect to their elders on new year's day with a traditional respectful bow the children
00:35:48
perform a traditional bow to the floor while saying can you read that make it big so he can read that what because it say hey
00:35:54
buckmai you're saying it wrong all right well here we go what is it and then what does it say the the next part of it what is it which means please receive much fortune in the new year
00:36:18
yeah rudy will you do it oh rudy will oh look at this oh this is the bow where you going man
00:36:24
let's see it look look korean class 101 bob how to bow okay i know what about how to [ __ ] bow man in korea when men bow
00:36:39
right hand on our left hand okay and cover your penis and you cover your penis oh you that's a
00:36:46
different kind of sound full-blown that's a huge yeah i'm going to go 50. yeah i'm not going to go 100.
00:36:52
i see okay who started the bow that looks like a burpee that looks like an up down he's doing exercises
00:36:57
i wonder who started the bow that's interesting pause that where did the bow come from i think it was somebody that was trying
00:37:03
to one-up a guy that was waving yeah some guy right at tower imagine this some guy in town all right
00:37:11
chucky chuck no in korea no yeah yeah yeah yeah okay choco choco yeah choco imagine a town right there's a guy named choco he waves
00:37:23
big waves waves big waves right and all the women love it yeah yeah you know how the asian women they giggle yeah there you go look at choco
00:37:34
he puts his shoulder into it right and then he does a little oh a little chocolate dance yeah a little choco dance afterwards right but there was a
00:37:40
guy named billow obilo obilo i hate him what is he just waving every day wait wait all the women squirt squirt out of the you know the bojie how are we saying
00:37:56
oh how can i what do i do i gotta come up what if i bow with my bar away with my
00:38:04
body oh a body wave body wave but i can't go side to side looks weird right so he's in the mirror going all right you know he did the what if i do no that
00:38:16
looks too much on my right oh forward body weight there was probably guys in the room yeah they went oh
00:38:27
when he did that oh [ __ ] that's his thing he came up with it so so koji did it yeah no no below
00:38:41
that's where the bow comes from you learned something on this show let me see that uh that was a long way
00:38:47
to go for that story but i like the stuff i don't care what you say give me the irish tradition let me see what do we do don't you guys fall
00:38:54
because you're drunk so much black out yeah that's not a bow really right no we bet oh the banging bread for bad luck
00:39:01
yup what do you guys do explain that never heard of this in my entire [ __ ] life another irish superstition oh pass the
00:39:07
test of time involves banging on the doors and walls of the family home with christmas bread it's all about chasing bad luck out of the house and inviting
00:39:13
good spirits in for the new year so we're supposed to bang christmas bread against the walls
00:39:18
is this christmas bread oh this is br this is good all right bang the walls everybody bang the walls do you think we're chasing out the
00:39:29
spirits begone spirits i get out of here get out of here spirits i don't know if spirits are gluten-free are they do you think they are no yeah this yeah
00:39:40
too much yeast for the spirits yeah and an italian look at the smashing plates and glasses vases pottery against the ground to drive away any bad omens this
00:39:46
is good hey francisco sally left she left me finally i am so sorry mister sadler i don't know what to do man i'm
00:39:57
just like don't do it don't you're gonna lose your mind be careful you want me to go crazy no please
00:40:11
francisco you want me to go crazy no please don't do it no don't do it i did it i lose my mind [Laughter]
00:40:24
[Music] yeah go ahead come on what are me all right all right [Laughter] how fun is that really fun
00:40:49
all right watch the eyes man sorry rudy do doc over the head yeah yeah do it over the head it's not gonna hurt do it you can do it yeah for the hood game that was wonderful
00:41:03
you hate me hey yeah do it to her no that one's harder it doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt it doesn't [Music] hurt close your eyes close your eyes
00:41:20
close your eyes ready yeah yeah yeah the way you did that dude was so hard i didn't know how to pause it man why didn't you uh what about your [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:41:42
[Laughter] did it hurt rudy a little bit yeah but fun though right it's fun though too
00:41:47
right yeah give me that glass this one yeah bobby's got to do it to me the best thing is this is heavy i know the best is running this is like actually heavy
00:41:58
running out of a glass window like when you're on set have you ever done that oh yeah running it's the best it is yeah
00:42:03
what do you got give me one of those yeah yeah let bobby smash me over the head with this thing go ahead little s you little s scatter waggle
00:42:11
yeah and i bought we're in a bar yeah you are oh yeah oh do something about it do something about it you [ __ ] do something
00:42:34
dude this is so fun order more of these yeah well they have to clean it which is sad yeah that's okay cleaning up fun guys
00:42:42
that's amazing i love that sugar glass sugar what you ran through a window oh yeah but mad tv we used to have to go
00:42:48
through windows and stuff it was fun out of sugar glass like yeah they used to get whatever stuff i want to do it yeah why not i just straight through it's way
00:42:54
more fun way more fun so fun you ever done that doc you ever ran through sugar glass nah that was my first time with the experience of sugar glass really
00:43:01
yeah it tastes like [ __ ] though when you try to eat you're not supposed to eat it supposed to eat it not supposed to eat it that's kind of the whole point you're
00:43:06
not supposed to eat yeah unbelievable i got one of my i got in my eye oh i'm sorry dude no it's not your
00:43:13
fault yeah yeah i got a little piece of it in my eyeball wait no you have to do it to george
00:43:18
oh yeah yeah come over here george please kneel down here kneel down right there
00:43:23
no get him in the back he wants to go back there and then hit him with this perrier
00:43:28
bottle yeah all right look at george has his george has his red undies on oh look at the little peepee pouch
00:43:50
i just want to see if this is sensitive enough to break over shatter over like that girth over a penis it's beautiful
00:43:56
girthy penis got a nice penis kid yeah you want me to try i think you showed up yeah yeah just one little shot it's
00:44:03
breakaway glass i know just know that when you when it doesn't when it does break your hand's going to go through and grab his penis
00:44:09
no no the big one is good the one is the big one let's do it so you and i you and i are at bar we're talking oh yeah give me that give me that that green one he's eating the bread he's eating the
00:44:21
bread i don't know spilling wine oh my god this guy this guy here oh champagne this guy
00:44:31
okay okay now we're ready well it's a good thing we're moving out of the studio all right so me and you are drinking at a bar ready and we're wasted i got to tell you something this
00:44:44
bartender's real piece of [ __ ] there will be [ __ ] you know what his problem is this guy
00:44:50
he's been staring at us you got a problem with this pal you guys are cut off [ __ ] [ __ ] i had to [ __ ] hit this bottle yeah cut off my friend
00:45:15
happy new year and you know what the cops like what were you guys thinking and we both go worth it yeah it was worth it george
00:45:26
that felt so good thanks for letting us abuse you buddy let's cheers to george hey george
00:45:33
oh what is that stuff let fancy talk about that what is that yes explain to me what the three kings is
00:45:38
all about so after jesus was born after who jesus jesus christ okay jesus christ he is born in the the 25th of of
00:45:50
december as you know so the 6th of january three different parts of the world came to visit him uh
00:45:57
with gifts what parts of the like socal i mean where yeah where are they from bakersfield yeah yeah yeah no one's from
00:46:04
africa one is from the orient and one is well what's the aurier i didn't know that yes oh i didn't know that right so and they give gifts to kids so uh in
00:46:15
spain we didn't have santa until a few years ago so uh santa never made it to spain he no he skipped spain this is
00:46:22
this actually is kind of dope yeah i want to wear mine this robe i mean this look does this look cool fans that looks
00:46:28
awesome wait so which one am i from so doc is the one that's from africa which i don't know why like it could have been gone to me or bobby
00:46:35
bobby's the [ __ ] yes there's no chinese that's what i would say why i why do i
00:46:41
always say you always go to hirohito i don't know but i love you tahiti it's one of my things what's this oh that's a
00:46:47
headpiece egyptian headpiece okay i didn't have no idea bro [Music] you look do i look like i'm from zero dark 30. so good yeah
00:47:00
you look like a little you look like a little egyptian prince right now i don't know i don't know where osama bin laden
00:47:05
is zero's our dark thirty but you do know i do know but i don't like i saw him yesterday but i didn't
00:47:12
right i'm that guy so here we go this is the kings huh these we three kings so we come into town we come into town right us three coming to town yeah and what is
00:47:24
jewels our our slave slaves did the three kings have slaves they had no followers
00:47:36
oh a camel wrangler but aren't there girls we hang out with that we just throw rocks at yeah porcupines yeah so
00:47:41
you're my you're a rock girl every once in a while we're traveling i want to throw a rock at somebody doc
00:47:47
concubine you're gonna have somebody to conquer yeah yeah all right so it's a car
00:47:53
conquer so she's no no she's our family she's our camel wrangler yeah yeah we're spiritual people yeah we don't do
00:47:59
anything like that no dude we're sons of the lord people so that's so connected yeah what is this sage what's the script
00:48:06
pete got a got us a script can i improvise because i have my own lines yeah he has his own who am i playing
00:48:13
uh well you can play conrad i'll play conrad all right okay all right so this is three kings the
00:48:20
three games i'm the chinese king uh here do you want to watch the this is from the movie the three kings
00:48:26
oh i had no i didn't know there was a movie oh three kings the spike nut spike who who did the three kings mike jones spike jones all right let's see david russell yeah he did it i don't
00:48:36
want to see it let's do it ourselves i don't i want to see what it is we'll make up what we do [ __ ] it up this has nothing to do with
00:48:42
my three kings pete [ __ ] it up yeah these three kings have nothing to do with the real three
00:48:47
killings yeah i know once i bought the [ __ ] war all right who's who am i conrad i gotta be conrad because i i memorized my own opening all right i'll be troy and then zoom it in because
00:48:58
my eyes are blurred and then you're chief okay doc you're chief okay all right go ahead oh yeah
00:49:05
is that the first line here i'm conrad right sheep keith harry what is this i have to say it here kitty hitty hitty what is this
00:49:19
it's a suit jacket the iraqis gave it to me i didn't recognize you with it fits all right right yeah
00:49:33
bad lightering yeah bad bad lineup see that give me the line again then it fits all right right
00:49:40
yeah hey chief we need your help chief runs over to troy and conrad i'm okay where's the head there's no t yeah yeah
00:49:52
do it again where is he it's hit and out i think it's just above his collarbone where's the jesus fire
00:50:06
it's all around you right now god damn you didn't win pastor yeah that's okay i'm can i say my line again
00:50:13
i didn't like it yeah say it again yeah where's where's the line i didn't memorize it
00:50:18
where's the juice there it is i got two chief i look at you where's the jesus fire it's all around you right now come right
00:50:30
you're gonna be all right such a big pause for a comment you're gonna be all right man
00:50:35
don't give a line reading dude that's [ __ ] pulsing probably the worst actor dude okay go back to the line watch me do doc's line better than okay
00:50:42
okay i'll do doc's line the way he should have done it ready you you say where's he i'll do doc go ahead where's the jesus dude
00:50:48
i gotta say my line again all right we're here he hurry hurry hurry where's the jesus fire it's all around you right now comrade you gonna be all right you're gonna be all right man now
00:51:00
who did it better you wait like we catch you yes you it's me yeah i'm gonna what do we do why don't we do
00:51:05
this let me be doc we do an eddie murphy thing where you play different different ways will you play different roles yeah right
00:51:12
you're out we put a fat suit on you the whole thing you're right you're out all right go ahead where you [ __ ] up right you're [ __ ] up you're fired yeah yeah this is nbc
00:51:20
in fact i wanna do my line again because i feel i don't want to get fired here where's the jesus fire it's all around
00:51:25
you right now conrad you're going to be all right you're going to be all right go down go down go down man i'm killing
00:51:30
that that's the scene yeah 204 all right what what are you doing i'm going to hell okay i know i know the line
00:51:45
oh he's cold oh going to hell you're going to be fine you take me to one of them shrines that gives you comfort and
00:51:58
erases all the bad things you did hey we made the right choice today conrad you stop with that shrine [ __ ] everything's gonna be okay ah you think so i know so
00:52:09
we're getting out of here lord jesus save this man no don't give him another shot
00:52:20
lord jesus save this man he's not a bad man lord look at him look after him and help him
00:52:27
if you can okay stop stop oh our father art in goddamn heaven no excuse me excuse me excuse me you were fired three lines ago right and i gave you your job back and
00:52:40
that's what you [ __ ] did i thought i did that was that was obvious before yeah go to the line before's the line all right here we go all right you think so i know we're getting out of here no no
00:52:54
but do it for real ready no you just do the you just do the trick giving you your lines so that you can
00:53:00
you can read the chief line i know we're gonna switch trying card ready you you think so
00:53:06
what are you doing i'm gonna do we're switching so i'm gonna do who am i playing troy just do troy all right all right
00:53:12
you think so i know so we're getting out of here lord jesus say this man he's not a bad man lord look after him and help him if you can out father who art in heaven
00:53:24
[Laughter] bro yeah yeah i love this outfit i love these outfits it's cool with the three king with three kings you look serious
00:53:43
yeah i feel like working with wires [Laughter] no in a good way what are you doing with wires i'm making an iphone you can make an iphone with two wires
00:53:53
and a piece of metal you think yeah is this strong enough to cut this yes it is no
00:53:59
no sugar glass you can't do it oh wow hey hey to the bad friend's crew we did it great couple of years you guys couple years we did it happy new year bye to many more too many moons and many
00:54:10
man to many man to many moons and many moon mans i'm going to tell you something happening okay it's really that's right
00:54:16
yesterday i came home right yeah and inside our house was a pit bull it's fine right but this pit bull right has
00:54:26
10 puppies that's inside her belly and we're giving birth she's due she was due two days ago we literally have
00:54:33
we're giving birth to a dog this week are you excited i hope um the puppies stay alive and don't die though holy [ __ ] yeah because they say that that so dark i know but they say that a couple
00:54:45
of puppies do not know but it's like don't think about it like that right it's like you know when you think about the animals sometimes i sit and i'm in
00:54:51
love with my dog and i look at her sometimes i'm like she's not this she's not gonna be around forever
00:54:57
don't depress the [ __ ] out of me right she just did it with the dead dog i know but you just did it with that she just made me feel like that don't depress the
00:55:03
[ __ ] out of me right now bro i have seven animals that i love more than most humans i would say all humans i don't think you love any human the much you love the animals i love them as much as i love
00:55:14
eric griffin that's easy that's easy easy yeah so you're going to give birth this thing's going to give birth this week yeah this weekend any day now any second well how many are
00:55:27
you going to keep none what do you mean that's the problem he that's we've i've looked at these girls and i go i know what's gonna happen a puppy's gonna come out there's gonna be a puppy
00:55:38
that's gonna be so cute that it's gonna you're gonna go you're gonna try to convince me to have another dog yeah you
00:55:45
probably should though no we shouldn't why not it's illegal how is it illegal you can't have more than four dogs
00:55:52
google that that's not true it is that's not true yeah there's a legal number is there a legal limit to how many dogs you
00:55:57
can have in your home in the state of california i don't buy that how many dollars each household may have only four dogs or cats over the age of four
00:56:03
months over the age of four months aha if you have five or more you're required to obtain a special permit but it's over four months so you can have all those puppies until they're four or five months
00:56:14
which is what what the [ __ ] we're doing right now they're not even born yet i know but we're gonna keep them until four months but we can't keep them
00:56:19
legally you can and then nobody knows i know who's gonna really know what who snitches on that stuff
00:56:27
why don't you give one a doc doc you need a dog in a studio apartment bro that's gonna be tight
00:56:32
what a it's a pimple it's a pimple pitbull yeah give me two of them do you like no no no honestly we have puppies
00:56:39
yeah that haven't been born yet yeah if you want a fresh puppy right do you like pimples wait i want to say something but andrew i'm going to say something that we that's a little stereotypical
00:56:52
all right it's a little stereotypical yeah and to help me create the language yeah will help me
00:56:58
create the language sure this dog right is for loving this dog is for coddles this dog is for companionship
00:57:10
best friend this dog is not for what oh no i'm asking you andrew for what using for what is it using it as a prop as a prop
00:57:26
that's do you want to know what i'm saying very very very much so what am i saying
00:57:32
well you you just called me michael vick a little bit no i'm sorry she doesn't know who michael vick is i don't know good you don't want to know michael vick is an nfl football player that got in
00:57:54
trouble for fighting pit bulls are you going to do that [Laughter] you said that with innocence but no i don't no do you believe him jules
00:58:09
no no would you feel comfortable giving him two pitbulls yeah me either [Laughter] so i can get one no what the
00:58:20
[ __ ] do you really want a puppy be real dude i would love it if you got it yeah we're not [ __ ] around here
00:58:26
you you want a puppy or not i want a puppy but not in the studio i wouldn't do that to the dog it's like being in prison what do you mean just take them
00:58:32
on a lot of walks i know dog can i just say this it's it's it's saved my life yeah
00:58:38
having an animal really yeah it makes life worth living it's like when i when i drive home from the comic club you think it's i i think oh i can't wait to see
00:58:49
pill bug face and kalila no i wanted to see my dogs and my cats that's true dude [ __ ] that
00:58:56
was yeah that definitely made you a better person if that's what it is i think i think you should have a puppy
00:59:02
i think you should have a puppy i think you should get a puppy i think i would love one what do you why don't you come over or like with the puppies
00:59:10
not no like york yorkie and pit bull mix no [ __ ] like that like raw pit boy apparently beggars can be
00:59:16
chooser prime example i mean unbelievable unbelievable what do you care it's a puppy it's a dog it's a lovely little creature that's going to fall in love with you and and
00:59:27
be a part of your world and want to just be happy and bring you joy and make you feel good and then you want to feel and
00:59:32
then you want it to feel good so you rub its belly you're not a you're not a fully grown human being okay asking for
00:59:38
things like what's the numbers okay did you hear fancy well let me say it he wants to know if it's a trans
00:59:44
puppy is it a transplant you want a trans puppy that's a funny joke that was too funny for you
00:59:50
that was too that callback was too funny yeah yeah well i mean what about papers can i
00:59:56
get papers what are you talking about what do you mean what's [ __ ] it because if you got a you got a dog that
01:00:02
pit bull that's got to have papers i want papers and it's the champion what are we talking about he says pit bull is
01:00:08
like the artist pit bull the pimple of the dog people does he sing people songs yeah well he just sing
01:00:14
mr worldwide songs he's also saying champion which makes me scared yeah i know what are you looking
01:00:19
for what do you want to do why do you want to champion doc because i just want him to look good look like muscular yeah
01:00:25
but you don't look you're a hater that's what they think that right now no you look good
01:00:31
i'm so mean why am i say something you know dude i think for my [ __ ] my new year's resolution i think is it to be
01:00:37
nicer let's make real resolutions yeah i'm gonna be nicer to people okay we'll go around the room bobby your new
01:00:42
revolution is what i'm gonna i'm gonna start putting things in the hole what the holes the holes my teeth oh dude
01:00:55
i'm so sorry my bad yeah i should have went around that the wrong way fill in the holes yeah yeah i'm filling the holes in my mouth yeah that's number one
01:01:01
yeah um number two i'm gonna be nicer to people well everybody yeah everybody yeah i talk too much [ __ ] okay okay i talk [ __ ] behind people's backs i agree
01:01:12
where they're when they're in the room yeah when they're there but that's nice that you're right i don't want to do that anymore that's a good fault okay that's good that you notice that
01:01:19
right um i want to curb my anger you have to i'm getting out of control we've been trying
01:01:25
right we've been talking about it doc shut the [ __ ] up thank you so we were afraid who was gonna bring in example we were gonna bring it up but yeah you definitely do
01:01:35
need to curb your anger because we're we're on the fence okay i know all right so stop
01:01:41
rudy but i'm never mean to you yeah but you're scary yeah yeah yeah yeah there's no doubt so look there's my resolution we're all talking about our faults you don't want to talk [ __ ] and be a bad [ __ ] talker i want to um i want
01:01:53
to curb my anger very much okay go ahead doc i want to bring that vision board to
01:01:58
life you know what i'm saying no you said you took it down yeah but i really want to make those dreams come
01:02:05
true you know oh is that real i don't know if i can support that what do you mean you have to support it don't be an [ __ ] it just sounds not real i know but we have to support it okay yeah he wants three things uh-huh
01:02:17
he wants a house he wants to sell sellout stadium like sebastian and an instagram model he was instagram model girlfriend that doesn't have a penis
01:02:24
girlfriend or wife yeah yeah wife wife yeah i'm ready those are the three things you need you're going to get married by a house and celebrating in
01:02:31
2020 2022. that's what i'm trying to tell you feel it all right can we clip this and make sure we play this next year on next yeah
01:02:43
rudy what's your rudy what's yours i'll try to be more happy being here [Laughter] boy boy do i know when some resolutions
01:02:54
aren't gonna [ __ ] come through it's gonna happen why are you not happy being she i think
01:02:59
she is can i be honest with you she is there is a little bit of an uptick in terms of your enthusiasm to do
01:03:05
it yeah yeah but try harder please she's trying i think i think today was good no she is all right what's yours fans i'm gonna make the bad friends movie and
01:03:17
we're gonna make a hit next year we are gonna make the bad friends movie we're gonna go film in spain at the end of the
01:03:23
year yeah george what's yours god damn uh mine is to stand up for myself more shut up you [ __ ] [ __ ]
01:03:38
yeah yeah shut your mouth do a new year's prayer you guys together both of you go
01:03:45
[Music] thank you for bobby and santino yeah bad friends you're welcome thank you for the love
01:03:58
that they have to offer that we have to yeah as a requirement yeah huh thank you for fancying the guys in the back even
01:04:09
though they don't do much that's not the right they do thank you for the food that andreas and george
01:04:20
always gives me that's true this bread was kind of stale you think it was a little bit no but okay well
01:04:28
thank you and we love y'all thank y'all for all the listeners even the negative ones
01:04:34
we love you thank you what do the spaniards do scumbags red underwear bringing into the new year
01:04:49
wearing red underwear as a new year's tradition popular in spain if someone's if somebody's giving you red underwear it's a gift it's even luckier
01:04:56
fancy what is that red underwear wait a minute do you do you do you have red underwear on fans
01:05:07
i will in a minute hey andrew yeah i think we need a writing staff yeah yeah this guy out of control is that guy way out of control we need a writing staff i mean i don't
01:05:19
know what to do with this that's a bit i don't know either made in china okay he said it big enough to put over your clothes yeah we heard him we heard him okay not gonna do one no
01:05:30
yeah no it's insane [Music]