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hey guys bad friends listen this is the last day this tomorrow is the last day I mean tomorrow is the last day to get
00:00:06
these uh shirts tomorrow is the last day to get these shirt competition and uh hopefully I'll be winning the competition cuz I'm ahead right now well
00:00:12
I'm ahead right now so better shirt go to badf friends merch.com to get these badri merch.com also uh we only have a
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chunk of dates left Tula Reno Sacramento Long Beach Windsor Niagara Falls Tucson and we end in Vegas on 420 man come
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check us out check us out go to badp pod.com badp pod.com you two are bad
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friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are
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disgusting you two are something we're bad friends we're back baby you
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ready sing us a song ed mean is my friend no he's not I'm sure he will be
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at the end yes he will that's it I that really BM me out the Happy New Year to
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you oh what new year is over give me the
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love give me the trucking give me the fudge I don't know man chriso is town in
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town and we love him he's thicky thicky legs and lot of gums in his
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mouth keep going I'm just trying to do some things that AI won't be able to copy no AI is going to copy all us they
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can't do that yeah they will they can't do that your AI was going to be hilarious yes it's going to be like
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talk about pube shot pube shot ladies and gentlemen our guest today is it one of our oldest and dearest friends who we
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love so much it's Chris CH chaos is looking real spelt my
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mother used to say spelt when she meant like a thick boy status you like that you're thick boy you know what it is
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it's a it's the Corduroy shirt I think corduroy shirts I don't know what it is you I just feel like I'm a I I'm like a
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blanket what do we no you know what you're doing you're you're doing the Mark Maron route yeah what's what does that mean that look the whole look is
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the Mark Maron except for the shoes and the pants Maron would never wear tapered off pants Oh that's true lululemons I
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don't think Mark Maron wear lululemons yeah yeah no lons Lululemon although he is sour so he might wear Lulu is that
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Lululemon Lululemon do you have a men's department yes okay burn you ready for this what do they I've never I've been
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in there I've never seen it of course they have a men's department you been in the men's department also it's gender fluid dude Lulu's gender fluid do you
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know about the Creator do you know like why he named it Lululemon I'm I'm not
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making can we make a guess yeah yes okay so Lulu it's got to be somebody's name
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lemon sounds a fruit no oh you ready you're good this is this is damn dude
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you're good no I was I'm not done I was putting the two together with you know Sherlock Holmes is on the crime scene
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you got he's got to put the evidence and you're you're my what's this guy guy's name I'm Sherlock you're the you're
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Sherlock why can't I be Sherlock you're 100% canl you're not sure lock of anything Mori Mori you're Mori Mor Mor
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you're Watson I'm home I'll be watch or then you show up at the scene well now
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we've got a case of Lululemon on our hands what do you think Watson will I
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think will I think why what is Lululemon I why am I why am I you Asian again you
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got to be British your head I'm sorry hell hello hello I don't know
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I don't know Sherlock Sherlock dude even your even your British is hello hello shut up let
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me fin why is it called Lululemon it's called Lululemon and again you can Google this because the founder of Lululemon was like a known racist and he
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named it that so Chinese people couldn't pronounce it shut the [ __ ] up I swear to god dude Google it Google lululemon
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founder makes names it so Chinese can't yeah funny to watch Japanese people try
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to say it oh this guy's the best say it say it say it what say l say
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[Music] lemon r r
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r the reason the Japanese liked my former skateboard brand homeless is because it had an elet and Japanese
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marketing firm wouldn't come up with a brand name with an elet so it's not their vocabulary it's a tough pronunciation for them so I thought next time I have a company I'll make a name
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with Three L's and see if I can get three times the money it's kind of exotic for them this is a direct quote
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wow I was playing with El and came up with Lulu Lemon it's funny to watch them try to say it Wilson was quoted as saying this guy what's this guy's net
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worth this guy made so much money being a bigot and it this just shows you kids you can be racist and still be rich yes
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the whole idea of like racism is bad it's not a real idea made up by the media chip Wilson is his name great name
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68 years old $6.8 billion billion dollars say billion billion see they
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can't do that trying to figure out what's a what's like let's say we're you know creating a company and we want a
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top Lululemon how would we could name it um little lady
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London little little lady London yeah Mary it got to be H H and
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L's yeah yeah because it goes to Hari yeah Harry Mary no Harry
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Mary's help out you're part of the group Harry May um because it's got to be things that we're saying Asian people
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can't pronounce yeah so a lot of L's and rs right RS and L's Harry Mary's Harry Mary Larry's Harry Harry Harry Mary uh
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Harry Mary Larry's uh contrary contrary uh yeah
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little uh little lizard loves ladies oh the little lizard loves ladies that's it little little lizards love ladies that's
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the company that's it the store opens right you're a Japanese person no you are no you're the Japanese person
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last time I'm chip Wilson what I'm the I'm the bigot that owns the store and I'll be a customer yeah I come in all
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right so what what I'm the Japanese guy yeah you're my partner we opened it together oh I see yeah okay so oh how
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you feeling about the a store opening today really good really good did you
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fix the sign out front uh I fix some of the letters were out what did it say when you were out there what do you mean
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the the business name was it all out there cuz you told me to get all the letter in here in Japan yeah we don't
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have the L's and the RS I have to go get it from America wow so you [ __ ] you
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sorry right so I had to get a ship down imported here right so it came last night at 3:00 in the morning you put it
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up though what you put up the sign yeah what was the name of theit I forgot what's the name of our store again oh
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well there's a customer here oh hello we not open we open five minutes hi excuse me hello we open five
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minutes okay no welcome him into our store and say the name say welcome I forgot the little hold shut the [ __ ] up
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I forgot the name of my well you better go outside look I look I look oh hey how
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you doing what's your name welcome to welcome to what is it little L what was
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little little what lizard little little little lizard little lizard little lizard
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ladies lucky welcome to little Liz Ley lucky
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looky hi hi um thank I I welcome I just
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saw this store like rocky rocky yes I um I it looks amazing in here I'm a I don't
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even know what we're s here but welcome to welcome toyy you know it's I'm um I'm a woman
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from America yeah we can tell I'm a lady from America and I'm Japan so it looked
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like it looked like they had something nothing in here no there's so much product I know look at all the stuff we
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have oh that's true I don't think you I don't think you'd fit into our stuff a
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yeah I thought I I thought I could no I don't think so I think you're a little too beefy for us you're too beefy for us
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yeah yeah get the [ __ ] out of here I don't know how to do yeah rejector in Japan we say stuff get the [ __ ] out of
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here [ __ ] you [ __ ] me a sword give a sword kill yourself yeah anyway that's
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okay we're going to open up a shop yes oh by the way now that we're on Asians let's talk all things Asian now yeah I'm
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Sorry by the way Bobby for you brought it up again I want to say that I I want to start off also too before apologize
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for um last time I was in here two years ago I apologize for immediately coming
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on to the show um and pushing my eyes back and yelling Donald Trump in your face but he's running again so yeah so
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if it happens did you get in trouble for it no no no you get some heat online be honest no sometimes but I just want
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because when you did that you know what they say about me now what that Bobby hates his own because I I watch that
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happen and don't say [ __ ] right so online now I can say Bobby hates himself
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and where he comes from in as ethnicity so [ __ ] you dude because you know what happens [ __ ] you Donald Trump because
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people people have messaged me and said you know just because he laughs at that doesn't mean you can say that about all
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Asian people and they're right and they're right so I want they're not right no but I want to say to them I want to say to the Asian to the people
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who are man I am very sorry you know how in the you know how
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they say in the black community they say Uncle Tom yeah your uncle Chang your
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uncle uncle CH somebody online making Uncle Chang shirt how about Uncle Chang Uncle Chang
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Uncle Chang right now no I I don't think it's right in society but in the chambers and also system of Comedy it
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should be said give me a break so in the Asian world I want to congratulate Stephen young and Ali Wong and the entire Cas and crew of beef for wi and
00:09:56
Andrew's on the show so give them a round of applause Andrew just w [ __ ] golden glob I didn't first of all I didn't win a Golden glob did you go but
00:10:02
you're a part of it he's a part of it I have nothing to do with it right you in the show I'm on a couple episodes I'm a
00:10:07
guest star yeah still give him a round of applause he's no no no no I didn't win anything they did and also more
00:10:13
importantly than that I just wanted to get that out of the way because this one's I just wanted to do you know you start with something nice and then you go back I do want to congratulate Korea
00:10:20
as a whole yes we are F they finally announced that they are Banning the consumption of dog in
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Korea but not right away there's like two or three more years yeah it's not going to be till 2055 but it is going to happen no I'm dead serious it is going
00:10:33
to be a long time what do they say they're banning it I don't agree with it I think they should if it's culture and it's customary to do that then they
00:10:38
should do that and not take the dog meat away from the people who love the dog meat because there's pressure from the
00:10:44
Western World to do that I think if you and your people want to eat dog meat if you are dog meat eating people then you
00:10:50
should continue to eat your dog meat with your Chopstick and sit on the floor no well they have till 2027 to stock up
00:10:56
by the way everyone's going to have freezers filled with dog I know just I'm going to get you a Petco I'm going to
00:11:01
get you a Petco membership so you can have me for your
00:11:08
family dude all the shelters are like these all these dogs are adopted it's crazy look at this it says it's going to
00:11:14
go in effect in 2027 and also that's after a three and then a three-year transition period so 2030 they'll have
00:11:20
to stop what do you think so by 2030 they'll go all right guys we got to start slowing this down do you have a
00:11:25
dog huh no exactly I don't it sounds like it I don't want animals I I don't I have no problem with animals well you
00:11:31
live with three animals exactly and I live I have I have um no I
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I don't want um I have I have kids I I have three children so that that's enough but I don't want I don't want uh
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any animals and I don't hate animals I just don't want to have to clean up there but have you ever bonded with a
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dog or a cat no like have had a relationship with one never never you
00:11:53
never had one as a kid or nothing well that's the problem well because you know if you had you wouldn't have sent some [ __ ] like you did 2 minutes ago well
00:12:00
I'll tell you what the reason [ __ ] [ __ ] the reason why is because when I was a little kid my mom came home with a dalmati and then that Dalmation uh I
00:12:09
let it go into the basement and then it ate all the clars and I found its dead body and that and that um disconnected
00:12:15
me from having pets and you know what I Nam that dalmati Cruella and then you know what my father
00:12:21
said to my mother you know what I overheard my father saying to my mother after I named the baby Cruella after I named the dog crella he said to my mom
00:12:27
he said Lynn I think our kids's gay because I named her my favorite movie
00:12:33
was 101 Dalmations that was your was your favorite movie 101 Dalmations with Glenn Close when she played Corella and
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that's why I named my dog after and then the dog ate bleach and died in my basement and that's why I don't want dogs but I would have because I care
00:12:45
about culture more than anything and I want to make sure the people who have attacked me online know that I care
00:12:51
about culture more than anything and if that dog would if I would if that happened to me today and that I found that dog dead in the basement of my
00:12:58
house I would give it to Bobby as an offer for meal for your family and I would let you have a feast over my
00:13:05
animal for you and your brothers and sisters well thank you what was your favorite movie as a kid that was that would be misconstrued like that as kind
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of like gay or or like what did you love as a kid that you were like embarrassed about you didn't want any of your
00:13:17
friends to find out about it as a kid yeah like I'll get my example what he's saying about 101 like I I I I loved
00:13:24
Phantom of the Opera as a kid and I don't even like I [ __ ] hate musicals right I had an Andrew Lloyd Weber poster
00:13:31
in my [ __ ] room I swear to god dude I [ __ ] thought Phantom was like the
00:13:36
coolest [ __ ] and it was so gay right like everyone I knew was like Andrew were you like composers I was like nine
00:13:43
yeah I like that movie Little Women maybe far away or maybe real
00:13:50
nearby an he did dude that was yours Annie wow keep going though will you
00:13:55
sing more I don't know the rest of that song we'll just make
00:14:01
may start from the beginning you know that song yeah she's on the window sill yeah with her little red hair yeah I
00:14:06
think that's why that's why you and I are in love you're my Annie yeah I
00:14:12
honestly I I'm trying you know how you know how when people look at redheads they get repulsed or they have okay no
00:14:17
I'm just being some people get repulsed and they want to vomit and stuff what people well some people are like that when I saw you for the first time
00:14:24
nothing I was like oh normal human being I feel normal like I feel like you connected with me because a Banning yes
00:14:29
some people look at you you know what I mean whatever you know no my my no people with red hair right right am I
00:14:34
not right when you see a red no when I first saw you see the freckles in the vagina is like what freckles on the
00:14:39
vagina some redheaded women have freckles on the vagina yeah anyway when I saw you I was
00:14:46
like Jackie Chan got fat as [ __ ] but I was excited that you got into comedy that's funny yes yeah Jackie Chan that's
00:14:51
fun well that's my childhood if and yeah but Jackie Chan that's what you came up with right now look up fat Jackie Chan
00:14:56
and see if it's not you online watch look at fat Jackie Chan Pat Marita maybe no fat jackiechan fat
00:15:04
jackiechan there it is fourth no first image on the second row second row first image boom Bobby Le wow boom that's him
00:15:10
playing uh Kim anyway if they don't cast if they don't cast you as that all right
00:15:16
seriously so Annie was your thing as I love Annie did you not tell anybody you're embarrassed about it well I like
00:15:22
that with music too like you know I tell people like I like Sarah mclin whoa she's so good oh she is I love her she's
00:15:28
great she's great I didn't know about that she still good she's good now yeah Ena Anya's great Great's great right
00:15:35
give give me a more embarrassing band if you're GNA give me a band that's embarrassing give me somebody that's like you you're is like act I used to
00:15:40
get Charles Manson's music tapes Charles man Char you mean Marilyn Manson no Charles Manson oh always acoustic tapes
00:15:49
oh they're so good those are good okay yeah yeah what's your embarrassing band since when I was a kid or like
00:15:54
currently oh but I know you have way more now than then for some reason um back then um I used to I used to love um
00:16:03
uh well like I remember that song I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world it's
00:16:09
fantastic made of plast I would put on that song when I was winding down in the gym to get me pumped up and I would
00:16:15
imagine myself singing that song to all my classmates I don't know why but I love that that's I always imagine myself
00:16:22
singing songs and I remember being at Force Fitness and Ridgewood Queens on the treadmill hitting it at 9.0 with Lin
00:16:29
going I'm a Bobby girl in a Bobby world and and but meaning it dead seriously
00:16:35
with a CD you know cassette you know the CD Walkman and and and and I listened to
00:16:40
a lot of insync um I loved insync um I loved Backstreet Boys I would listen to
00:16:45
all that and right now my favorite band is the 1975 I go to all their concerts you're friends with these guys well yes
00:16:50
I slowly but surely slowly become friends with one of the best days I had in my life was about three weeks ago when I was texting the lead singer Matty
00:16:56
Healey and I said something to him and I made him laugh and I screenshotted it and saved it and asked Jasmine to print
00:17:01
it out and she called me an f a g o t yeah a a a let me ask you something
00:17:10
are there people okay as you get you know as we get a name right sometimes
00:17:15
people that we didn't like before now like us cuz they were famous or whatever and then we start liking I'm not going
00:17:21
to name names is there anyone like that where you're like before you had you were Chris Stefano you're me like ah
00:17:27
[ __ ] that guy but now that you you know what I mean they're reaching out to you let's hang out then you like them at now um uh uh um no I think what's happened
00:17:35
though is like people that I used to like tweet at you know like like just talking [ __ ] having fun in 2012 2013
00:17:42
where I was just like letting stuff rip that's how it used to be yeah they've now you know some of those people I've seen it like um uh Joey faton from in
00:17:49
sync you know I've met a couple fun guy you know we never really spoke um but I
00:17:55
know that you know but I'm you know in 2013 2014 out of no for no reason I would just tweet you know you know crazy
00:18:02
stuff about Joey faton for no reason I would you know there was no I don't even
00:18:08
actually remember what I I would I would like just random days I'd be like hey what's up good morning on this beautiful
00:18:13
Wednesday I just want to say I [ __ ] hope Joey faton falls off a cliff for no reason for literally zero
00:18:21
zero zero reason did you remember that [ __ ] or no no no no but you know now I know people are close friends with him I've been around him a couple times he's
00:18:27
such a great guy that I like regret doing that but I was literally tweeting stuff back then you know I've tweeted I
00:18:32
was talking to Don uh TOA about this who I always travel with who just got a haircut I think it looks very nice I think he shaved his beard too he shaved
00:18:39
his beard he looks good he looks like a good boy and I told him that there's so many things when people weren't listening people weren't listening at
00:18:46
all in 2011 I would just tweet and think it was funny to the hundred people in
00:18:51
different times and then sometimes they'll pop up or a guy around my social media would say Hey you know do you want me to permanently delete this tweet and
00:18:57
I always say no like whatever but like I would just say nut [ __ ] back then that you know could cause a lot of harm today
00:19:05
I want to know who who you're talking about well I we can blank it out no here's what I'm saying so what I'm saying is that there's one guy that I
00:19:11
wasn't not that huge a fan of and maybe I would make fun of or whatever but what I actually Su in person I acted
00:19:16
like like a [ __ ] [ __ ] who who Cory Feldman wow so I was like at a Premiere
00:19:23
and I was sitting next to kila and Ike barold was sitting here and I looked to my left I go oh my God is Cory Filman
00:19:30
and you got so TI you got all I got so shy you got hyped up about it Cory Filman did he even acknowledge you and
00:19:35
he looked over and I and I walked up to him I go hey and his bodyguard he goes
00:19:40
hey I'm a big fan and then Cory put his sunglasses down he goes hello and you
00:19:46
know how they sh shake like this mhm and then you have to reach out MH right it's not this I don't like that no I love it
00:19:52
this is so [ __ ] up not this it's like mini Hitler this they leave a gap so you put your fingers in there and you SL who
00:19:59
you Pac-Man it yeah yeah you Pac-Man it it's like a it's like a toaster and you put your [ __ ] hand how long do you
00:20:05
leave it in for two or three uh two minutes yeah yeah I want it like medium burn are you still friends with him yeah
00:20:11
what are you still friends with him never got his number nothing but I did he goes hello like this put this s he
00:20:16
went he went like this he went like this and the guy so go bodyguard goes big fan and he goes doesn't even look at me he
00:20:22
goes hello I stck my finger in there for two minutes right ding
00:20:29
right and then I walk back I I want Cory Felman on the show
00:20:34
get on the show Cory if you want to [ __ ] come on the show The only thing that happen I'm a you know grew up you know in New York a big Yankees fan New
00:20:40
York Yankees fan and Bernie Williams the center field for the Yankees was always my favorite baseball player and then out of nowhere one day I got a message from
00:20:47
Bernie Williams Instagram you know it wasn't him as guy runs it he was like Hey Bernie Williams knows your comedy
00:20:53
his daughter is a fan he wants to know if you want to perform at his 50th birthday party all the
00:20:59
T androd and Jeter and P all these and for me I was like my God was like I to
00:21:05
do this like this is like a dream come true and I went out there for Bernie Williams 50th birthday in front in a
00:21:13
room this size yeah it was a private obviously party with the classic you know four world series title winning New
00:21:21
York Yankees and I absolutely bombed for 15 minutes in front of them all to the
00:21:28
point where w Bernie Williams Bernie Williams was like on his own you know while I was bombing like started
00:21:34
clapping me off he was like happy birthday to me happy birthday to me yeah
00:21:39
and now how what are you feeling when that's happening it literally I swear to God I was locking eyes with Joe Tori who
00:21:45
was like the legendary you know manager of the team and he did not crack a smile
00:21:51
nothing he was just looking at me I almost felt like he was saying like just dude please sir just stop stop stop it
00:21:57
the only person who was laughing was Bernie Williams manager who booked me who thought it was absolutely hilarious
00:22:03
and I was just eating watching you bomb must be the funniest thing imaginable well you laugh a lot I'm sure you're
00:22:08
like trying to laugh your way out because you're not going to care I don't think I think in your mind you're smile you have a smirk right and you know
00:22:14
you're bombing yes you know you're self-aware I'm self-aware yes I'm self-aware I felt the sweat running down
00:22:20
my back onto the top of my ass crack even though it was the middle of the winter I saw A-Rod I mean not caring I
00:22:26
did the best I absolutely could I cursed way too much there were kids in the audience it was absolutely the wrong
00:22:33
choice um and and I ate it I ate it really really hard in front of my
00:22:38
absolute hero not even that much money it was an opportunity it was just an opportunity and then I B and then I did
00:22:44
the same thing about four years later for the owner of the New York Mets I bombed even harder for I swear to God I
00:22:51
bombed even harder for New York Met staff and Tommy Mata Tommy Mata was there yeah great guy famous music music
00:22:58
producer and I said I was bombing again hard and I said to him I said Tommy I said Tommy matola um I said Tommy you
00:23:04
know uh uh your ex-wife Mariah Carey I said I I had a picture up of her in my locker and again you know just I didn't
00:23:11
even know where that was going to go I don't know I I have no idea why and he goes uh and he said you know uh
00:23:18
something happened I said something after that and then Tommy matola in the middle of it he goes yeah he goes why
00:23:24
don't you uh why don't you talk about my ex-wife again he goes that was a good one
00:23:31
Shopify guys you know Andrew and I bad friends we have an online store we sell
00:23:36
stuff online and and Shopify is the way to go if you're going to do that guys when I started podcasting an online
00:23:41
store was the furthest Furthest Thing from my mind now I'm selling T-shirts and beanies and it's so easy all because
00:23:48
I use Shopify Ching Shopify baby yeah Shopify is so easy so simple uh no
00:23:54
matter what you're selling we sell shirts and beanies and mugs and all that stuff you can put anything on there it's the global Commerce platform that helps
00:24:00
you sell at every stage of your business whether it's teeny tiny and you're doing it out of your garage or you have a full
00:24:05
huge massive Warehouse operation this is the way to launch your online store using Shopify whether you're selling
00:24:11
scented soap or offering outdoor outfits Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their all-in-one e-commerce platform to
00:24:18
their in-person POS system wherever and whatever you're selling Shopify is got you covered we got you covered like a
00:24:24
big comfy blanket all right they help you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout up to 36% better compared to other leading
00:24:31
e-commerce platforms so why aren't you using Shopify if you're selling online we do and so should you Bob tell them
00:24:37
what's happening sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com badri
00:24:43
go to shopify.com badf friendsall lowercase now to go grow your business
00:24:48
no matter what stage you're in sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com badri all lowercase
00:24:54
shop.com badri BL okay yeah crotchety old man but you know what I still like
00:25:00
to smash and let me tell you something right now I need equipment to do so and I use blue Chu to get my equipment ready
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Chu for sponsoring the podcast and then I bomb that but the owner of the Mets son became close personal friends with
00:26:12
me so now I got in with the Mets through bombing you know at at his event you
00:26:17
know at at at the owner uh so now you can go any game any game sometimes bombing pays off bom not with the
00:26:23
Yankees the Yankees have now the Yankees have said I'm not like that makes you can't bomb with the Yan can't bomb thean
00:26:29
and and because I'm friends with the Mets can't do anything really with the Yankees anymore wow kind of lost my Yankees priv you're a Die Hard Yankees
00:26:36
fan I am but you know that's a weird predicament it's a weird thing I don't
00:26:41
like it because I'm City first the whole thing of having two sports teams in a city just sucks I hate that like Chicago
00:26:47
it's you there's only one team to choose that's the Cubs right it's the Cubs the Cubs you just choose them yeah you love
00:26:54
those bombs nobody's going to root for the White Sox but the Yankees and Mets they both have great fans yeah that's different that's different you don't get
00:27:00
killed if you go to sha Stadium no no it's just City Field now yeah yeah it's it's no no sha Stadium okay sh Stadium
00:27:07
but uh is shouldn't we reserve the name for what it like I still call it Staple Center I don't call it crypto when I go
00:27:12
downtown it's called a staple center no I'm not going to give it up I'm gonna I'm goingon to stick it out you should it's not crypto cryp I'm going to the
00:27:19
crypto call it the crypto.com arena if I transition and my name is [ __ ] Barbara call me Barbara your name is
00:27:26
Bobby no Barbara I met you as Bobby your name is Bobby until if I I'm Barbara I don't give a [ __ ] if you cut off your
00:27:31
dick in front of me your name is Bobby my [ __ ] will be real tight it's just b o b b i e that's all it is oh good point
00:27:37
yeah oh yeah I would just Bobby Le change it b o BBI I can I do that like
00:27:42
Bobby alov like keep the E please all right Bobby i e okay thank you I like how he compromise F [ __ ] it um have you
00:27:49
ever embarrassed yourself in front of a celebrity I don't know if I I was I have one okay you go I was at Maria minos's
00:27:56
Christmas party what yummy you know who that is she's beautiful everybody knows Maria manudos what the [ __ ] you talking
00:28:02
about this is 15 years ago like she's not she doesn't know who I am yeah but that year she did she still doesn't know
00:28:07
who you are I know Maria manuno Maria manuno think you hosted the
00:28:13
Golden Globes did you see John Choy on the
00:28:20
Golden Globes he's so cute he was he was good yeah the audience didn't get him
00:28:26
they didn't get it they didn't get it um so I I did a movie with her what movie
00:28:31
it was a Jamie K they kicking her old school oh kicking she's in there right right she's like the love interest so
00:28:36
I'm at her party and I'm like by myself sitting at a couch in some backyard I'm
00:28:41
sitting next to a guy I swear to [ __ ] God I thought he was like a software engineer mhm you know he's wearing
00:28:47
glasses you know what I mean a white dude white nerd yeah like he's editor he looks like an editor okay right right so
00:28:53
he's like hey you do comedy I go yeah yeah killing it I like to kind of look at like that cuz I like no one else will
00:28:59
talk to me Steven Spielberg no it's no but he goes what's it like I go yeah I'm just playing these rooms 150 200 selling
00:29:05
him out so you're boasting I'm boasting like an idiot in this movie you know
00:29:11
we'll see what happens you and that and I talk about myself for like 30 minutes nice for 30 minutes I talk about myself
00:29:17
right and I was when I was leaving I got off I got see you later dude and I walk up and then um I forgot it was Jamie or
00:29:24
somebody came up to me goes dude what's Josh groin like oh oh There Josh grob
00:29:30
yeah and I go what M you just talking to Josh grob for like 30 minutes you had no
00:29:35
idea no I I've never yeah I had heard as the name I just couldn't put a face to the name and
00:29:41
then shame no yeah oh seriously the grob still likees no I still wanted to turn
00:29:46
around and go dude I I'm a Loser yeah no but you're what you're having is you're having that that
00:29:53
Spotlight kind of thing where you think they're thinking about you and upset but he didn't he didn't know he he had no
00:30:00
but I know but if he's selling out probably theaters or whatever he's selling out I'm saying I'm selling out
00:30:06
the Sacramento punchline it doesn't [ __ ] look good but he's not a comic so it's different it's different if he
00:30:12
was a comedian it'd be weirder but he's a musician it's two different worlds I gu you're a big star I guarantee you
00:30:18
listening I a't got nothing Bobby I guarantee you literally guant I guarantee you do
00:30:23
[ __ ] you dude I guarante grin thank you so much Josh groin went home I guarantee you Josh grin went home told
00:30:31
his wife or partner he said we got to go see Margaret CH she just told me how how
00:30:36
well she's doing and it's we and then he went and saw Margaret show and she couldn't understand why he was at the
00:30:42
show because she thought with you it's fine very good I I had uh I think did I
00:30:49
tell the Australian story about Russell Crow no youve never you told me no that's the best story you got to say
00:30:54
that story say the story cuz you know what I'm going to take borrow from Marcus in the stoics you never step in the same river twice that's right and
00:31:01
also also can I say that and I think I'm doing a movie with him with Russell Russell crow in two months it's like
00:31:07
locked in so it's like Gladiator to I want you what are you in Gladiator
00:31:13
too are youor dude dude I well you got a present
00:31:18
yeah let's see what the gift that you gave go [ __ ] yourself no no no Bobby all right all hold on let me see fancy
00:31:25
brought us something back from Spain is MHM little hobby oh no I know what it is look at the little butt crack I know
00:31:31
what it is what is it it's a it's probably something that's going to make me take a nap oh weed no I know what it
00:31:37
is this is from fancy brought us back from Spain cuz he got back from Spain Spain oh look at this oh is this an
00:31:44
ashtray no stupid mask is it a it's a porcelain mask is that for the
00:31:52
next pandemic what is that get out of here these are so actually honestly these are yeah these
00:31:58
are very pretty is going to be broken if you threw it on the floor his fingers are all bloody yeah
00:32:05
does this go on my wall mhm these are great and now is this for good luck yes the price Tag's in here no
00:32:11
$6.99 [ __ ] cheap CH these are beautiful oh look at this one that one
00:32:17
looks more like you yes cuz those the eyes are closer to together what is this one this is not lck yeah it's death I
00:32:22
see is it death so fancy explain what are these what are these called what is this called it's called sados which is
00:32:27
uh a ceramic company sadel in Gala what does sadell mean and there's no it
00:32:34
doesn't mean anything it's just the name of the of the guy who who created it and it's all based on like the mythology of
00:32:39
the Celtic uh region where Galia is from wow so did you understand anything he
00:32:45
just no but these are one of those things 200 years from now like at the antique Rogue show it's going to be
00:32:51
worth like 500 Grand easily it could be because it has one of those marks so I could see it at an antique store and
00:32:56
somebody just buying it for a dollar and then going to ant this is a Salo I don't even know where you got this from yes
00:33:02
but the fact that you have a selo yeah yeah you know in good condition these things would auction for
00:33:09
anywhere between $250 to $400,000 this my friend is an impeccable
00:33:15
condition a sarell like I've never seen and may I he still has the Box oh my God
00:33:20
In The Box in the pap rarely do we ever see the box but oh I would value this at
00:33:25
anywhere between 700,000 and $4.8 billion given an auction this is very
00:33:32
nice fancy thank you so very much are you going to put that up in the house the sardos this is going to go in my garage there you go my [ __ ] house
00:33:38
what are you out of your mind no way I value my home um there you go oh no you know we we should bring this to an
00:33:43
antique store see how long it would take for them to sell it you know what's going to really happen we're going to leave it in the studio and never see it oh that's right that's right leave it
00:33:49
here can I have it no bring back a gift for my kids no shut up dude so stupid D
00:33:55
so here I I was down in Australia shooting shooting that that movie and we were out I'm going to say it well Ricky
00:34:02
syi it's just coming yeah well we're out I was at we're this is name too many
00:34:07
names but we were at Zack Efron's house and we were drinking and hanging out and then Pete Fairley the director calls and goes hey do you want to go to Russell
00:34:14
Crow's house and immediately I was like yeah what the [ __ ] of course I want to go to but does a little bit of social
00:34:20
anxiety come up even a tad bit like [ __ ] don't blow it in front of Russell Crow even though I know you've been around everybody no because I we were with so
00:34:26
many people I knew we it wasn't a small get together there were already people at his house so it made me feel comfortable in that if it was just us
00:34:31
I'd be a little [ __ ] up about it right I'd be like I don't want to go to the gladiator's house right so uh he's like
00:34:37
yeah dude he's got a great crib he's goingon to have us over so we're drinking and and uh I'm getting a little
00:34:42
Stony and we show up to the gladiator's house mhm and it's exactly the way you think it would be it's [ __ ] beautiful
00:34:49
I mean beautiful on the water everything yeah like we don't I don't deserve to be there you know I took my shoes off and
00:34:54
then the one of the guys was like put your shoes back I thought we were I took my shoes off because I thought don't you take your shoes off I mean you people
00:35:00
don't you take your shoes off uh yeah I yeah I would when I go to people's houses I take my shoes off well I always because my family's Puerto Rican I take
00:35:07
my shoes off but I always have a back up here of chlas he's a he's a legendary actor
00:35:13
right Heist aist legendary Legend if I was walking into like um Robert Dao's house I'd be very aware about not
00:35:20
touching things I wouldn't go I wouldn't probably go I'd blow it but my point is there are some people like that and then
00:35:25
there are some people are like ah [ __ ] it I'm going to I'm going to throw the glass down yeah you so who who would be
00:35:31
like Steve Bushi would you be nervous going to his house no he lives in a house I know right think they would live
00:35:38
in a condo or something right yeah yeah Bui Bui lives in some kind of weird I would be EXC I would go to that one for
00:35:44
surei yes yeah yeah and star his teeth on gold Bloom I'd want to see gold Bloom oh yeah yeah that'd be fun I want to see
00:35:49
where he lives I want to see where Tom Cruz lives I want to see where he Liv really
00:35:55
you wouldn't would you go to his party I would go to Tom Cruz's party I would 100% go to Tom Cruz's hey what's up man
00:36:00
you got to take off all your clothes before you come in sure leave your shoes on but take your clothes off they say he knows everybody's name he remembers
00:36:06
everybody's name Tom Cruz that's supposedly what that's my house on Staten
00:36:13
Island I would go to one Tom Cruz party but you wouldn't make it out right you'd have to stay right that's what I've
00:36:19
heard they'd stay once you go in you don't come out yeah well you know that you know get out he does get
00:36:24
in yeah get in get in I um the uh did I ever tell you my Phil Collins story when
00:36:30
I met Phil Collins no I I told the story uh I thought I told it here maybe I
00:36:35
didn't it's on one of my specials but so I get to go I get invited to the Nicks
00:36:41
game right this is like 2016 so it was Easter Sunday and the Knicks and Philadelphia 76ers were the
00:36:48
bottom of the league they were the last place NBA teams so nobody wanted to go on Easter Sunday and sit courtside at
00:36:56
the Knicks game like I was very I I had never gotten a call I knew some people at MSG but I never gotten the call to
00:37:03
sit Courtside so they call me the morning of they're like listen we got two empty seats you can sit Courtside
00:37:09
okay bring somebody uh don't talk to anybody okay this is you know Madison Square Garden don't talk to don't talk
00:37:16
to anybody they said there probably will be a couple they said we know there are a couple of other big celebrities that are going to be sitting around you guys
00:37:22
don't acknowledge them don't talk to them like you know uh we're giving you this opportunity you know for whatever
00:37:28
but it because it was Easter Sunday and it was the last place teams and people didn't want to go so I called my dad so
00:37:34
my father is like 100% I'm in you know we used to sit in the upper you know Rafters whatever so we go and we sit
00:37:41
down and my dad immediately start I was sitting here my dad was in the middle and then there was famous guy sitting
00:37:47
next to him and my dad immediately starts talking to this guy just immediately starts talking to him chatting them up talking about crazy
00:37:53
[ __ ] you know and I don't I I I swear to God I didn't even look over to see who
00:37:58
it was because I was like wildly embarrassed but I'm not going to tell my dad not to say anything so I hear my dad
00:38:05
telling this guy that his son's a comedian I hear and then and then so and my dad go he's talking and my dad goes
00:38:11
Chris where where where where are you again next weekend I might it's gu to come show I swear to Christ I was
00:38:17
performing at bananas Comedy Club I've been there it's inside of holl and Express in Hasbrook Heights New Jersey
00:38:22
it's off the side of Route 17 yeah so I it wasn't it wasn't even remotely close to being sold out like I had I I had
00:38:29
sold like 100 tickets over you know the course of a weekend is that the old Jewish couple that own it yes yeah I
00:38:35
after you done I got to tell you something okay so so I'm like Banana's Comedy Club he goes yeah so I I said you know don't Banana's Comedy Club D but I
00:38:41
said we're not supposed to be talking to these people like just let's watch the game and I hear my dad immediately go yeah bananas comedy club that's where
00:38:48
it'll be if you are in New York you know come through and then I'm like okay so um my dad you know talking whatever my
00:38:56
he had Easter candy okay the guy my dad was talking to Easter candy and my he's giving my dad Easter candy and I'm like
00:39:02
and my dad's like you want a cadberry what do you want I was like I don't want any candy just trying to watch the game
00:39:07
so they put they put Phil my father was talking to Phil Collins he had no idea
00:39:14
he had no idea who Phil Phil he has no idea who Phil Collins is doesn't know anything they put Phil Collins up on the
00:39:20
Jumbo Tron kiss cam with your dad no they put him up on the Jumbo Tron and they I've never seen this they play you
00:39:27
they just throw a picture up or whatever they play coming in the
00:39:33
an and I've never seen this in Madison Square Garden during a live game you know during a timeout they put the
00:39:39
lights down no and then put this guy in the jumbo Tri and he got a standing ovation cuz he's Phil Collins okay and
00:39:47
my dad turns to me goes who the [ __ ] is he and I said and I go Dad that's Phil
00:39:53
Collins yeah yeah within five seconds of
00:39:58
the lights coming down I have my head down I'm like oh that was pretty cool I see the people walking with the cameras
00:40:05
and I see their shoes stop right in front of me what and they take the camera and the lady comes over I swear
00:40:11
to Christ the lady from the Nick staff comes over she goes Chris uh dest
00:40:16
dako I said Toano she goes you're up next I said what do you mean she goes we're going to put you on the Jumbotron
00:40:23
just wave it'll be great they put me on the Jumbotron I swear to Christ they put me on the jumbo I have video footage of
00:40:29
this they put me on the Jumbo Tron absolute pin drop
00:40:35
silence I I swear to God nobody's saying anything I swear to Christ and this is
00:40:40
not a bit I swear to Christ the only thing I feel is my father's hand rubbing my
00:40:46
back and he's going it's going to be all right Chris it's going to be all right and then I swear to Christ I'm getting
00:40:53
my back rub by my dad as soon as it's over all of a sudden a hand reaches
00:40:58
across it's Phil Collins with a bag of Easter candy a bag of cadberry eggs and
00:41:03
he goes and he goes it's going to be all right that's what he said oh really oh my God I swear to Christ and then but
00:41:09
then my dad so that was like a horrific experience but then because of the bomb and all that and my dad has just got
00:41:14
like that gift of gam Phil Collins like loved my dad like they were talking he [ __ ] loved my dad then he started
00:41:21
asking he was like oh so you do comedy and I said yeah you know like trying whatever and he was like well you know if they're putting you up there they
00:41:26
must think have potential so just keep going wow I was like did the people know though who you were then maybe because
00:41:34
you're a New York gu know or no no I now no no not at
00:41:42
all cuz you're a New York guy no there's there's n million New York guy they know
00:41:47
you yeah no no they did not they did not and it was it was yeah it was wild tell
00:41:53
me about the old Jewish company uh family at go bananas oh I forget it why top that story man
00:42:00
that story was so good it is a good story Phil [ __ ] Collins Phil Collins bro but it was it was you know I can
00:42:06
feel it com in the edge of night night
00:42:11
I'm just coping what you said Bud okay all right oh
00:42:18
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ready to charm your Valentine's dates factor factor every time I do a
00:44:17
performance you know I exert a lot of energy and I I put my life Essence on the stage you really do yeah all of it
00:44:23
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00:45:04
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to get 50% off I'm going to privately tell you I'm not going to say who but somebody told me they were like I can't
00:45:38
explain this to you but I'm so attracted to Carlos oh wow yeah and I was like
00:45:43
wait seriously wait Bobby are you mad at that yep and she was like something about I get it something about this ball
00:45:50
no no she loved the but your bald and your hair it's like starros starros is another reason like she was obsessed
00:45:57
with his head she was like she goes tell him not to shave his sides it's like it's like you look so bad it's good no
00:46:05
I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm sure you've talked about this before how they're like they're switched like like Carlos
00:46:12
like the way fancy talks his name should be Carlos and Carlos should be fancy like if when fancy starts talking like I
00:46:18
got you a gift that guy's name should be Carlos yeah yeah you're right but then and then and then and then but do you know what his real name is fany's real
00:46:24
name uh fabrio yes yeah yeah no his name is Andre and and oh yes Andre I knew
00:46:29
that which is just Andrew in Spanish just me in Spanish Carlos physically assaulted me in the original room like
00:46:36
physically literally physically Assa a couple nights ago well I know look but that's cuz he looks like AR shafir that's too yeah did you not and I want
00:46:44
an apology on air dude what did you do no no no Bobby you called me an apologize for what you did what did you
00:46:50
do Bobby threw water on me in the O what the hell is that about dude half the
00:46:55
audience during someone's set Bro the thing is who was on stage I think Adam
00:47:01
Ray he can take the bit why did he throw water why he threw water no what Carlos
00:47:06
and mcon do from our show is yes you do no I yes you do I don't bro you did I
00:47:12
did that one time yeah yeah yeah you do all the time what they do is they pull their weight their bad friend's weight
00:47:18
and they sit in the booths in the back in the orig room where like the comics sit they told me I should shut the [ __ ]
00:47:24
up for a second okay the paid regulars can only sit you what it is like in the that corner Booth Comics literally I
00:47:30
walk in the O and they're sitting like they're they're smoking no but yeah there's nothing in their fingers you
00:47:35
guys are doing this and not even smoking and you know what Carlos did he did the [ __ ] wow he did the Cory
00:47:41
Feldman wow but they were sitting there like and it drove me crazy I just threw water on them I get it I get that so I
00:47:48
got up and grabbed his dick yeah yeah oh that's not okay do you want do you want to clear the air well I want to
00:47:54
apologize for that for for real but also something happened at the airport with your mom that we never told you uh oh
00:48:03
okay okay is it going to upset me yeah well then is it what I did with her in the lounge uh in the Delta Lounge it's
00:48:10
worse oh [ __ ] I just when you tell tell it to me tell it to me I'm fine okay I
00:48:16
want to look in the camera this camera right here I'm embarrassed and I'm going to be real I know in my real reaction go
00:48:22
ahead Carlos gave her a bump of coke no when um she was going to her gate we
00:48:28
were in different Terminals and she didn't want us to help her anymore cuz she was over it and when I was hugging
00:48:34
her I hit her in the face really hard like I swung my arm at her you
00:48:41
physically assaulted Bob's mom and she was like it's okay but then I I was like
00:48:48
super apologetic but I definitely hit Bobby's mom so you gave her CTE wow wow that's so [ __ ] up dude
00:48:56
it's I was sober bro what I was sober though at the time yeah I was how do you feel Bob I get to hit your mom
00:49:04
now it's only fair dude I get to hit your mom he get to hit your mom as hard as you can close fisted too yes she can
00:49:10
take it she's young all right yeah yeah F and she's she's Mexican right yeah she's from me she could take the hit
00:49:15
there you go imagine Carlos's mom is the one that has the hair like
00:49:21
him my dad's bald I'm just taking it crazy far it looks it really does look
00:49:26
great when you guys rock it with confidence it looks awesome hell yeah why you tell Bobby what's up oh tell
00:49:32
Bobby now that you started tell them what's going on tell them what you told me be
00:49:39
honest an honest moment of bad friends okay okay when Andrew walked in earlier I didn't want to tell him this and it
00:49:45
was actually it was hard for me to say but I have three days sober now I I went out had a little slip up yeah I know
00:49:52
that's I told him it's all good it was hard though I like I didn't intend to drink that night and then I drank and it
00:49:58
was the same thing it was crazy cuz you went on a date yeah and you felt pressure to drink yeah I felt nervous so
00:50:04
I had a martini and then did she order a drink yeah well I bought her drink no but I'm saying like who ordered first
00:50:10
she wanted a drink it was like yeah we're going to get drinks did you tell her I don't I don't drink I didn't say that yeah are you afraid to say that to
00:50:17
a girl when you're on a date right now I am yeah I mean you know that's normal yeah you know what they say right for
00:50:24
the first year of sobriety what do they say eting every day no not that should be in a relationship oh that's
00:50:31
all mhm okay should be in a relationship it was tough it was tough work on yourself okay it's all the same and and
00:50:38
no more glory holes but can he can he be out there getting [ __ ] no no you're not supposed to but I saw glory hole on a
00:50:44
dating app I think I sent you the picture I know you sent me the glory hole picture I trust me I I log all of
00:50:49
them but when you said it to me you didn't go to it though I didn't go and I didn't go to the milking table I told
00:50:56
you not to go go yeah I didn't go okay yeah I didn't go don't you can't go no just take a year off from glory holes I
00:51:02
yeah I think so dude is that not in the book in the 12 Steps it's not in the book but when say seems like the four I was talking to Jimmy Schubert the other
00:51:09
day you know Jimmy right so funny Jimmy 59 years old you like Jimmy rips so
00:51:14
funny Ripper he's one of my best buddies I love him love him right he goes yeah guy I'm I'm going to Philippines right
00:51:21
now what's he doing in the Philippines he's ripping ass sure right you can rip ass at any age age you're young it's
00:51:29
still going to be there your dick energy look at me my little dick energy yeah it's still working baby nobody calls it
00:51:35
rip ass by the way I didn't know riping what do you mean farting you said
00:51:41
Jimmy's going to the Philippines to fart that guy's flying a 17 hour flight just just to let it all out well you can
00:51:47
R you can still rip ass sexually hey I'm in philth piece dude Jimmy Schubert calls turd
00:51:53
sewer pickles sewer pickles he's like I got a sewer pickle it's so funny it's always going to be there my point you
00:51:59
can rip ass your whole life but I think it's and it's also it's good that you're you know being open and honest I think
00:52:04
that's a big thing yeah yeah yeah you gotta yeah that's why I told you today well I'm I'm appreciative and I and we want to keep promoting you to stay stay
00:52:11
good thanks bro and stay healthy I put the bottle down no more drinking for me for a while really why it's been gone
00:52:17
for a while I don't know I just felt like I needed to do how long for how long have you been not drinking the holidays since before the holiday yeah
00:52:23
did I inspire you no okay no you don't inspire me at all I just to or influence
00:52:28
me or no no no you know what it really was was like uh just getting older I
00:52:34
don't know yeah I get it I don't know I just I I've getting a little bit older pain the body pains are a little bit different now and you have a couple and
00:52:41
yeah I don't know and I don't want to end up looking like Andre you know what I mean how old is Andre [ __ ] [ __ ] 13
00:52:47
did you enjoy some of your time in espia yeah it was it was nice it was good it was good good to see family good to see
00:52:53
are they proud of you they don't know what I'm doing I I hide this from you're embarrassed about this yes
00:53:00
wow A lot of people are wait you're embarrassed about working for bad friends mhm well yes no I get it no I
00:53:07
don't I don't get it I get it I don't get it we're one of the top podcasts on planet Earth no I know but Conquistador
00:53:13
is all the history of these guys you know they don't yeah right I mean he'll tell you all the history of Spain give
00:53:18
me give us a quick synopsis of the history of Spain go me yeah no I only I only know America oh you don't know
00:53:24
Spanish Spain the only well I know I know you know had territories in the United States you know that's why Cuban people speak Spanish and how influential
00:53:31
the Spanish Colonial Empire was the Invincible Armada or you would say the Invincible Armada I know them but I
00:53:37
don't know the history of actual Mainland Spain I don't know it as well
00:53:42
other than they're like you know they're the original you know people speak Spanish and me most countries that speak
00:53:47
Spanish is because Spain conquered them right Mexico Mexico is not they don't they don't they don't speak Spanish
00:53:52
Puerto Ricans don't speak Spanish it's just the Spain this is what what it is about when people attack white people
00:53:58
it's like well then you have to attack Spanish people too because they were worse they were worse than than are
00:54:04
whites yeah and though you know who was the absolute worst Asians the most R the Japanese are the worst but but but no
00:54:12
Koreans are Koreans very bad but you no they're not we read on this show that they have the largest unbroken chain of
00:54:18
slavery in the history of the world Korea aside from that though but aside from that we're great that's it yeah
00:54:23
yeah yeah that's it that's insane yeah but do like the the the the the countries that Japan occupied do they
00:54:29
speak Japanese no we let they let them keep their language right but the Spanish did not you talk like we talk
00:54:36
yeah what do you mean that's a Spanish action yeah the Spanish Spanish
00:54:42
Inquisition very bad Spanish Inquisition but oh people just want to talk about whites oh you want to talk about white
00:54:47
people being what about the Spanish Inquisition very not good no no I think
00:54:53
they consider us white right who does not us well exactly we not I'm not inviting you to the party let me see
00:54:59
your papers where were you on Jan 6 were you there did you go to the anniversary I was looking yeah he was thinking about
00:55:04
it for me it was a j 6 was a hell of a holiday this year because it was my holiday of course storming the capital
00:55:10
but then also it's Porter it's little Christmas I know you said that it's so wild that's the Puerto Rican little Christmas so I had a big big day with
00:55:17
that was my big day of the year little Christmas little Christmas na na what do
00:55:23
you do on little Christmas Three Kings Three Kings Fest and then you know in Puerto Rican so we just kind of I give
00:55:29
my family gifts wrapped up in aluminum foil then they abuse that foil to clean
00:55:34
with it like you're going to go [ __ ] and then I say come on this is where we're going to take our lunch with best day of the year best day when
00:55:42
you pack the kids lunch what's what what's the lunch that you pack when so so so like sometimes when Jazz makes
00:55:50
lunch she makes like good you know like lunch and then like sandwich and stuff but some Jaz
00:55:56
Jasmine my girlfriend my girlfriend the mother of my kids but the other day my kids jazz she'll have early uh she's a
00:56:03
fitness instructor so she'll have early classes sometimes and she asked me to F the kids lunch and the other day I
00:56:09
didn't I had no idea what to give them for lunch so I just took out Tu wees and I gave them leftover Toral and Alfredo
00:56:17
in Tu and then they couldn't eat it cuz it was like Frozen together and they
00:56:22
called the school like you know they were like she you know kids have no lunch they can't eat this lunch and Jasmine was like what what did you give
00:56:28
them for lunch I was like Toto Alfredo and tumber she was like are you a [ __ ] [ __ ] why would you do that I
00:56:33
was like what did you want me they don't have a microwave at school [ __ ] heat it up no the kid they won't let dude you know what it is crazy with my with the
00:56:39
how much the world's changed the pandemic this is one of the biggest most fun parts of lunch that they've taken away my kids in school cannot share
00:56:47
their food with their friends you can't do trades you know I would trade you with dunkaroo for kimchi yes yeah they
00:56:54
kimchi by the way probably wouldn't make that trade yeah oh why I'd be like don't talk to him he has nothing good to offer
00:56:59
oh really go J no than no I would say Bobby why is my food
00:57:05
is barking um so but but um they won't let them
00:57:12
trade food anymore it sucks that is [ __ ] that was such a big thing in in school you look forward to swapping yeah
00:57:18
cuz there was always a kid who had all the all the good [ __ ] yeah I never got good [ __ ] I never had anything fun I had
00:57:23
they made me eat lunch at school what yeah we all yeah my kids eat lunch at school no no no they didn't pack we had
00:57:30
food at schol lunch lunch I used to have school lunch too the [ __ ] [ __ ] up pizza all that stuff Tater cots shitty
00:57:35
pizza and the burgers how often did you steal did you steal the food from the cafeteria no you know what I would do I was escape cuz the I you know we belong
00:57:43
to Stoneridge Country Club ooh stop licking your lips after you say something why why I don't know I love it
00:57:51
devious so we went to Stone Ridge we would Escape go to Stone Ridge they had a restaurant and because my parents were
00:57:57
members I used to get gourmet hamburgers and then sign it over right that's
00:58:02
unbelievable you live like this yeah yeah and then I would go back to school [ __ ] and people are like eating these [ __ ] ham sandwiches I just had a
00:58:09
gourmet [ __ ] thick ass french fries oh my God Diet Coke steak fries love it
00:58:14
yummy and a Sunday I used to steal from our cafeteria all the time and I'd put the burgers in my pockets I'd have yeah
00:58:19
as many burgers I could put in my pockets yeah I loved stealing from school that was like my favorite thing to do how much [ __ ] could I steal just
00:58:25
steal it all I would I I was a I was a big Thief cuz I didn't want to pay for I didn't have any money anyway right my school had did you guys have this in the
00:58:33
80s we had a a [ __ ] whole area with a fence smoking yeah smoking we had
00:58:39
smoking yeah yeah we had smoking in high school no couldn't smoke kids just smoking cigarettes we had a patio off of
00:58:45
the main off of one of our main um kind of like oh actually it was the it was the freshman sophomore cafeteria and
00:58:51
there was a junior senior area and then off of there was an indoor there's a patio and you kids could out there if
00:58:57
you were a senior you could go out there and smoke I thought that was so [ __ ] wild because I didn't think much of it until later that I was like wow that's
00:59:02
crazy that used to be able to [ __ ] just walk outside and smoke and come back inside I was scared because it was the heavy metallers it was the cool
00:59:08
guyses it was a cool and we had Mexican heavy metal people so they're scary they're the scariest they're the scariest they all look like slash I I I
00:59:15
hate because the honey the the Honey Buns I used to like honey buns and the honey bun the machine the honey bun
00:59:21
machine was over by the smoking door yeah and I [ __ ] never would go over there if there was older kids by the door smok
00:59:26
CU I didn't want them to make fun of me you know but so if there was if there was nobody outside I'd go get a honey
00:59:31
bun but that was my biggest deflection was smokers I've been trying to talk about
00:59:36
my love life all day man you haven't even brought it up once and then I want to talk about my love life yeah are you
00:59:42
doing good yeah oh that's great mhm okay go ahead um I'm I have a new Theory okay
00:59:50
I'm going to Edge love
01:00:01
so you're going to Edge love you're not you're not going to go edging in sex but love you're not going to go all the way
01:00:06
in with love I'm not even going to meet them well that's not well I don't know if that's eding I'm not going to check it out I
01:00:12
think You' misinterpreted what edging is no no I think you're misinterpreting what I'm saying okay all right may I explain please like in like in sex right
01:00:22
I'm about to come I'm about to come right but I don't come that's edging yeah that's edging right yeah I'm going
01:00:27
to see her I'm going to see her I'm not going to see her right so it's that so
01:00:32
that mystery and that you know I mean like what's going to happen is always there and then you just never see each
01:00:37
other could you be feeling this time doing something constructive what do you mean man I
01:00:43
don't know like comedy or your job or like anything no this is side stuff but you're not really doing it yes I am
01:00:50
doing it it's like you're mapping out the plans to a building and you're never going to build it that's exactly you're edging architecture why would
01:00:57
why would you be an architectural edger what why because it's like dream of it
01:01:02
the the cuz what I realized is once you hook up it loses that magic sure sure
01:01:08
well that's a piece of it yeah it's all about the CH the anticipation of it all the Hunt is better than the kill right so it's like uh what I said such a drug
01:01:15
addict did you think that's a drug addict thing you're chasing you're chasing the endorphins of it that is the definition of what you're doing is
01:01:21
because I realize being single and once you do it and then once you're in the smash mashing and you come and you do
01:01:27
all that it loses something so I'm just going to try this for the next year this is this is this is dude this is why Tik
01:01:33
Tok every girl on there was like men are [ __ ] me up why because this is going to [ __ ] them up are you masturbating to
01:01:40
them no you have to you don't come Li lie what that's a terrible lie yeah in
01:01:46
fact last night I haven't masturbated in four days and what you hav I I'm I'm not
01:01:52
revealing this but I swear to God 4 days I didn't masturbate last time I go you know what Bobby deserves a little
01:01:58
session right mhm so you know my you know the um I have a machine I have a machine suck Master
01:02:05
3000 right but the it broke cuz I got too much water in it cuz I do it in the bathtub right so like the Electric
01:02:12
electrical components rusted rusted yes I put the batteries in there sitting in
01:02:17
the tub why didn't you do it in the bathtub I have to do in the bathtu you have a water jerk yeah he likes to sit
01:02:22
at 0 when to the wall I got too much water it rust it yeah so I took the the
01:02:28
the actual vag vaginal part out yeah right and I've been gripping that and doing it sure sure right that's fine so
01:02:34
I what what if no what if you got rid of the vaginal part and then just gripped it with your hand have you ever done
01:02:40
that yeah I've done it so many years with that okay tired of it oh you you're
01:02:46
over pass oh you're over it I'm over it so it is it I know when I would get when
01:02:51
I would get bored of like my hand I would jerk off with my catchers M that's what I'm saying yeah right right so so
01:02:57
yeah so that part you're talking about your girlfriend's
01:03:03
face let me finish my thing so last night I'm in the bathtub and I could I
01:03:08
was like [ __ ] I can't [ __ ] it yeah took yeah right so I'm going to Edge it all oh you're edging all of it I'm edging
01:03:14
all of it dude what do you guys think I think I mean I think we voiced it halfway through it was a bad idea I
01:03:20
think it's going to work I think it sounds like a bad idea does it sounds like let me try it though I think what about abstinence in general just say no
01:03:25
thank you to everything and then you don't have to set yourself because I like I like the cutesy [ __ ] okay that's fine I like the babes right you want to
01:03:32
be a cutesie PO hey babe hey babe my podcast every Thursday yeah go check that out with salano what what's your
01:03:37
love what's your love you want you want to talk about yours oh well no I was I uh I uh you sounded like you wanted to I
01:03:45
I don't know I was going to think of a Kila joke but I couldn't um I uh no I'm good my thing you want to [ __ ] Kila no
01:03:53
no I actually don't why don't you say nicer do you want to hang out with her I
01:03:58
don't yeah I don't love her so much I don't want to [ __ ] move on I
01:04:05
um so funny dude I'm crazy untable I'm a crazy person hey whatever dude you only
01:04:11
live once yeah this might all be a simulation you ever think about this let me put this tell me if you ever heard this tell me if you ever heard this what
01:04:17
about this and this is brought up by uh my podcast partner Mike Canon who's uh
01:04:22
with me now on my podcast every week of Chrissy chaos he is that that guy little guy there no no Mike Canon's back on the
01:04:27
East Coast that's Don depa that's that's little Don and then Steve that's Steve Chone reron yeah um Steve CH where you
01:04:34
get like a little Manson guy like that little Stevie like that I got him at the guitar I got him at Guitar Center he was
01:04:39
on the he's got like the handsome structure of the phas but if he was taller it'd be good but he's so small so
01:04:46
it ruins it right yeah he's like a wish he's like a wish.com version almost there but not you're
01:04:53
going to do shows down this will be out with by the time you already did you doing in Brea where you at I'm doing no I'm doing uh I'm doing uh the Magnolia
01:04:59
Theater in San Diego and then I'm doing the wilter theater in La and let me tell you I got two words big mistake kids
01:05:05
about 50% sold on both shows big mistake where's The Wil huge when's the wilt
01:05:10
turn Saturday this Saturday it'll sell we'll we'll tweet about it I literally have 50% of the room sold on both I was
01:05:16
like trying to beg my agent like can we just cancel and he was like no bring up christe bring up Christy comedy right
01:05:22
now yes and I also need help in Nashville at the rhyming kid bit off more than he can CH we love we had a great time at the
01:05:30
rhy at the rhyming yeah two upcoming shows there upcoming show yeah I feel like I'm slowly slipping out of uh comedy no dude you're not I don't know
01:05:36
why I I it's just a it's an honest feeling I'm hoping it's going to go away the wi turn there it is [ __ ] me let's
01:05:42
see let's see how bad go to the seat view map we'll just see what yeah we want to see what it looks like let's see what a shitfest this is no what do you
01:05:48
mean the floor is totally Sol no dude Arrow up top see the plus symbol go to the plus symbol in the top right see it
01:05:53
click on that okay okay but what do you mean that's Andre Andrew Andrew no we you know what they do here they're blocking out seats
01:06:00
on the digital map so it forces you to buy that's I don't think I've sold those I think there's curtain no there's
01:06:06
curtains up I would you're selling out no you're selling out I'm telling you there's no way I have that many tickets Bob and I are going to promote it you're
01:06:11
selling you're not going to come to our city and not sell out [ __ ] that but it wasn't I when I come to La we probably
01:06:17
should just do the comedy clubs that's probably the better idea well here's the problem it's like with me and this guy in New York like I'll be I'll see you in
01:06:22
a week when I go to New York I when someone like hey do you want to go play uh what did I play that you came to what
01:06:28
I played City Town Hall Town Hall yeah and they were like you want to do that again no I'd rather just play the seller and whatever and work out cuz it's a
01:06:35
workout City LA is tough two it's a workout City we're all here yeah and I also did the Brea Improv The Oxen improv
01:06:41
and well those are good because they're away right but but I would assume it it has something to do with why why don't
01:06:46
you just do Irvine and impro you so much money I should have I I it was I probably next year I'm moving forward
01:06:52
you know if I you know hey we're playing Reno we're doing the Grand Sierra I mean the my tickets there are so beyond dog
01:06:58
[ __ ] it's unbelievable what a full [ __ ] zero I am what we you know what's funny I have like 500 tickets
01:07:04
sold that if there's 2500 SE I mean let it load I mean there is you
01:07:11
cannot imag I I think I have 10% of the room sold there I'm just going because the next day I'm interviewing Jerry Rice
01:07:17
at the Super Bowl so I'm that's cool right wait you're in Reno what day February 8th Friday uh we're there on
01:07:23
the third we're there before you yeah but our tickets are bad in Reno too you know why [ __ ] Casino I it's a Casino
01:07:30
in Reno it's a nice guarantee up front so that's why I took it I figur out and I love state capital so Carson City's
01:07:36
Capital Nevada is 20 minutes away but I mean I you I mean they're laughable the only one I'm doing good in is the Warner
01:07:41
Theater in DC that one's almost sold out hey guys let's be the comics that only do clubs now we should we just want to
01:07:47
make money it's just too it's just it's a too much we're playing 10 shows at Big theaters come after that after and I do
01:07:54
a suguro thing in the summer and then after that clubs but you guys are let's talk about our little beef you're leaving me for soraa huh oh come on no
01:08:01
go ahead and say it go ahead and tell the world what you did I call him up he goes out to Hawaii for seura he does a show for him and then he tells me I'm
01:08:08
going to do a bunch of shows with seura later too you're leaving me for seura six what's that about six shows that's
01:08:13
as many as we're doing in the new year right we did 50 you and I yeah right
01:08:19
yeah and then you're a Bonafide one of the greatest Headliners you know I mean not me no so I'm just I'm just wherever
01:08:25
the wind takes me I go no it's okay if that's how you want to end this whole thing it's fine it's we're not ending dude if this is how you want shut the
01:08:32
[ __ ] up see let me say sorry guys yeah all right I want to say something real in here dude Tom sagur I mean he's
01:08:38
famous you know what you know what Bobby you know what I think you've been hearing in your head and your Asian head I think you've been hearing you've been mispronouncing the word loyalty for
01:08:45
loyalty royalty you think you're loyalty but you need loyalty so that L andr is a big one for you right now you think
01:08:52
you're loyalty but we're saying loyalty loyalty talk about royalty you want to
01:08:57
talk about royalty right now dude are we doing Australia yeah we are guess who's not
01:09:04
going Russell Crow right listen I'm doing six shows I'll never do it again
01:09:09
no no it's okay does it does it hurt my feelings yeah it does it really does yeah a little bit yeah are you being real yes Tom
01:09:15
sagora those guys you're going to go with those guys me Tom and Jessica's kerson I love Jessica kerson but Tom
01:09:24
sagora yeah yeah he doesn't need two lesbian to me what he doesn't need two
01:09:32
lesbians thank you for being a bad [Music]
01:09:39
friend oh my god do Stephano is here dude I haven't seen you in so long my little before we start yeah go ahead
01:09:47
that's why they don't have Asians on the shows I RI honestly start Asian hat to
01:09:54
again
01:10:01
wo
01:10:06
wo wo
