00:00:00
so get your tickets to see Bobby Lee live at Bobby Lee live.com don't say but say you it's you do it do it - I'll get
00:00:06
your tickets to see me go ahead at Bobby Lee live.com and my dates are coming up
00:00:11
what are they Bob don't tell me what to do but I'll tell you what they are Denver Comedy Works you 12 to the 14
00:00:19
you're never are you downtown yeah Larimer Square is the best I've been there but how many shows you doing just 506 yeah they could they wanted to
00:00:27
do 7 but I said no they want to do 13 for me but I said it's an unlucky number listen I'm gonna do Houston Texas the
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Houston improv March 27th to 29th Dallas Texas at the Addison improv April 3rd
00:00:41
through the 5th and I'm gonna be at San Diego California at the American comedy club at America April 30th to May 2nd all right what's
00:00:49
yours friend come see me on the red rocket tour go to Andrew Santino calm for tickets I'm in Philly March 6th and
00:00:55
7th at the punchline in Chicago march 13th at Thalia Hall then I'm at Mohegan Sun March 19th and 21 and then I'm in
00:01:02
Cincinnati March 27th and then I'm in Cleveland March 28th oh and then and
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then on the 29th I'll be in Houston for skank fest you're gonna be in Houston
00:01:15
and the same time you have to come over and say hi oh yeah I'm a gonna really be in seriously really you're gonna be Houston the same time you come say hi
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I'll have dinner on her face yeah come see us [Music]
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[Music]
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are dangerous recording I can't help
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that all crazy joon-ho ladies and gentlemen Barbie okay
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all right I can't help it
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do it I start guys you don't do it all right you wanna funk don't with a muck
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around don't point it it would stop doing Bonjour all right okay stop it
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I can't help it the Koreans are big-headed huge yeah very melon sighs how do you have
00:02:30
like in the Lauren just 1940 I have to get like it it tailored to my head yeah
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if I go to like lids you don't go to lids yeah they had to get that trashcan and they put the trash
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can on my head yeah and then they've just build the [ __ ] you know the opening of a trash can like if you got a bowl cut they would have to use like a
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[ __ ] one of those huge salad bowls to cut your head yeah but there's only two
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styles back then for Koreans what was it bull cut and just a [ __ ] monk it out
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shave it down she don't know yeah what do you know about this is real I run in the
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neighborhood I'll tell you what's going on with me yeah my neck really hurts by the way I have a sore throat may have
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the coronal but I'll tell you what happened to me growin up a race quote on all what
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happened I had a rough two weeks guys yeah all congratulations on curbed by
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the way that you're really good on it you didn't see it mmm-hmm it didn't even come out yet I mean it came out but you
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didn't see it you're good on it you didn't see it as you did you liked it yeah really go what was really what was
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my favorite was your favorite line of mine I don't memorize lines even I've seen a good few men
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a few good men yeah and a good few million and then a different and then
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you know you know how they quote that movie I don't know any of the quotes but I've seen the movie like a thousand times give me any movie quote that you
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remember them yeah
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are you looking at me is that what you're looking at what is that what
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movie could that be taxi driver I'm
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walking here I'm walking here here's Pierce yeah yeah midnight and then uh I
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got it so many quotes actually but you saw you saw my curb episode and you thought it was really good you're really
00:04:28
good in it okay I thank you for that yeah tell everyone where we were for the separation that we were in apart we were
00:04:34
apart for a while where'd you go so I went to Hawaii and ah yeah yeah and I
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had a real arm traumatic experience there to be honest with you to be real then say yeah well um I show up to a
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some doing magnum p.i mm-hmm and the director is Robocop the guy who was in
00:04:53
the [ __ ] Kabul cop the real Robocop he was the director yeah what's that
00:04:58
guy's name Peter Weller Wow Peter Weller Robocop so I come up to him in the early
00:05:03
in morning I didn't know he was directing I thought he was guest starring so I see him in the morning and I go oh my god I'm a big fan of yours
00:05:12
I'm a big fan of yours too as well is what he said yeah that sounds nice I got
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five in the morning there he is Peter Weller right that was him so then I show up on set and he comes up to me and I
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haven't we haven't shot anything yet and he goes don't [ __ ] this up joking around
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I don't know obviously joking around yeah well I don't to me it didn't sound
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and then he walked away anyone eat eat eat what the [ __ ] he is I mean yeah and
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then he goes on this is how he gives notes what are you doing more energy
00:05:54
he doesn't like Robocop yeah and he got each each right and then he goes I'll be more energy no yeah yeah yeah
00:06:04
Bob yeah but yeah angry but then by the last day of shooting I had this one line
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I just could not comprehend I can't even say the line now what do you mean it was
00:06:16
a line in the script I couldn't say in terms of what it was just hard to say yeah what what do you love a bunch of
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things I had to say and I just could couldn't remember what it was and then uhm all night long is that you would
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just make fun of me it'd just be like this kid right here can't even memorize one line shut up yeah in front of every
00:06:35
oh yeah yeah and this is after you've wrapped this is during the last day you know this is the last day on set in
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front of people was I yeah I mean people you know he's he is you know he's obviously joking around
00:06:48
yeah buddy but to me it's just not fun it just puts a lot of like um added
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because I'm not even getting that much money for it and I'm doing it because I love the leads in it and stuff it's fun
00:07:00
to do you know but but he but he's a guest director he's not every episode no every week yeah he's so much so all me
00:07:05
every week is somebody different but um so then that happened and then I flew my mom to UM Maui and Stevie right my
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brother Steve yeah yeah and then yesterday yeah what it came down it I
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made her cry why my mom my mom cried in that my bedroom I know why did you make
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her cry BTS back you back stream no no because a
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BTS man no bts's uh behind the it's a
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pute the biggest pop group on earth oh oh there go there k-pop stars yeah I
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know who they are yeah yeah I know yes 8ft ATF those are the ones that kill the
00:07:52
people in uh Waco wait BTS this is them yeah the biggest
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boy band in the world the biggest kpop band and literally in the world they are all so [ __ ] hot
00:08:03
yeah look at how the that's it these all boys yeah it's a girl yeah that's a hot
00:08:09
boy yeah I would [ __ ] every one of them in their butt holes can I tell you the one that I this one I don't like his look there's
00:08:15
no that was the one yeah that was the one that like barely got any more audition fifty times we need somebody
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[Music] and they're like we don't hit dancing
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nothing yeah boy he'll just be in the background oh he's in the back okay yeah
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they don't even tell them what the cameras yeah he's looking this way he just you know he finds out from the
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other guys when the photo shoots are yeah they don't call them directly now here's a good text yeah taco taco taco
00:08:44
taco and I got those yeah yeah Wingull his name is Wingo yeah we have a photo
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shoot right now right and he has to run they don't even what they won't even
00:08:58
pick him up he has to run with his little yellow legs yeah yeah oh look
00:09:03
look it might be blind that's rude but
00:09:12
my friend doesn't I know um so what are their names by the way can you name one of them I have no idea let's go through
00:09:17
their names yeah yeah let's let's learn who they are yeah well let me kind of tell you the story first and I wanna
00:09:26
know who they are you know what that BTS stands for Korean expression bong pan Co
00:09:32
Nadine how do you say this bangtan Co naday bang bang bang tan Cho Nadine it
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literally means bulletproof Boy Scouts yeah that's what they are shoot one
00:09:46
[ __ ] [ __ ] do that shoot George if you're gonna shoot somebody shoot George
00:09:52
all right I will Virginia Tech this place up brought this how about this let's say you're gonna give Georgia rays
00:09:57
yeah if you can shoot him everything I was a bad joke by the way that was so dark yeah that was very black I skipped right over it
00:10:03
look George gonna get a raise if he can shoot you every week would that be worth it every week he shoots you one time and
00:10:09
any body part chooses but you get a raise every week gyeongseong we until you basically that is on the show that
00:10:15
is yeah Chong Chong Wei Chong Chong we though that's his name right the guy that shut up for Jean attack oh my god I
00:10:20
don't wanna talk about that [ __ ] I have to talk about it no let's talk about BTS I want a couple BTS I wanna talk about
00:10:26
him - I talk about BTS real fast all right go ahead I know what can I tell you what happened though you [ __ ] I just oh here
00:10:32
we go clockwise from left here's their names okay ones just named the letter V yeah Kim
00:10:39
taehoon also known by his stage name V South Korean singer then there's j-hope
00:10:44
yeah better known me oh that's Jung ho sook yeah he's cute let's rate them yeah okay
00:10:51
let's give him okay let me go to the V first V is that's the ugly one I'm gonna give him a three I just can't do it with
00:10:57
hey I for that too many gaps in his teeth j-hope hot yet an eight that's it's an eight or nine eight or nine RM
00:11:05
wow nah you know they take good pictures of him that's kim namjoon of course everybody knows him as RM yeah I think
00:11:13
you've uh six five and a half six then Jin himself everyone ten Kim Suk Jin his
00:11:19
hair is the [ __ ] yeah yeah he's a ten ten ten I would suck my daddy's a ten in Korean and then Jimin is uh oh you know
00:11:30
what you know I like but this is Park Yoo min everyone knows Park is someone who's look at then the photo says it all
00:11:36
cute and flirty and I love to sugary cereal he's a cute guy he's cute yeah I like him yeah and then who do we got
00:11:42
left we don't five more Jong Kook yeah jong kook oh that's it that's a villain in a
00:11:47
movie huh this actually looks like if you photoshopped if you know if someone did like Adi aging thing on you yeah
00:11:54
that could be that was like you and you're a little boy that looks like you maybe he's the type of guy that like at
00:11:59
a party he comes out naked and they think that he is doing the Buffalo Bill thing where he's tucking his dick around yeah the man John and people are like to
00:12:05
stop doing that he's like I'm not doing it and last is suka or oh that's a good one
00:12:14
two min yoongi is a gear G key I don't [ __ ] know bro dude you speak it i
00:12:19
don'ts barely you speak it enough I've heard you say it so anyway tell you what happens so beat
00:12:24
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00:12:43
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00:12:48
would be bumps gross you mean like your face in high school yeah yeah yeah yeah
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runs that's right yeah let me [ __ ] tell you what happened so my mom and I um my mom you know maybe a couple years
00:14:24
ago I I want to watch all your item
00:14:30
movies she wants to watch all your iTune movie yeah yeah and your arm I like Elton John so I want to listen to
00:14:38
all the music you have on your so I got easy mom let's just link up our [ __ ] phones right you could have my iTunes
00:14:45
account whatever right kinda but so during this show I fly my mom cuz my dad died a member in August so I just
00:14:52
to like try to do things with my mom and someone had to take her to Maui and do all the road to Hana and do all this
00:14:58
[ __ ] yeah and so she would be like anyone mom we're gonna go I tired she would say
00:15:07
again I'm but we had the played a plan I my back haha she probably was tired and
00:15:15
in pain no she wasn't and so we got alright we're leaving without you so we'd left yeah and so on
00:15:21
my phone and and this is not an exaggeration because kalila and my
00:15:26
brother counted probably 10,000 BTS screenshots right on my phone from every
00:15:35
time she was just screenshotting pictures of them yes right so now I have
00:15:41
to delete like you you're just deleting thousands at a time and when you delete them she would add another thousand wait
00:15:49
why was she was she doing in an accident does she not know she's no no no she purposely so basically her back hurts
00:15:55
right but if that's not what it is no she's just sitting in the hotel room screen she's obsessed because when we on
00:16:02
her Christmas all she want to do when it was BTS photos and posters and shirts
00:16:09
and memorabilia yeah did you get that from oh yeah okay can you get her to a show no no she's done Wow she's [ __ ]
00:16:18
done with it she's not what the [ __ ] a BTS it's crazy it's weird and we're not
00:16:23
doing a meme what's weird about it she's lonely she's an older woman she finds a lot of joy in these young little Korean
00:16:30
boys what's wrong with that because she says [ __ ] like how come you don't look like this you know when she says that
00:16:38
yeah up a mirror to her yeah just go well actually my mom it's just why if you look at my mom your mom is that in
00:16:45
her 40s eternities and so she was hot as far I know and your dad was ugly a shoe your father look like my dad was like
00:16:51
you know they laid him down on his back and they just said run over nine steamrollers over his face like the big
00:16:57
construction kind that's what my dad look I thought you said when he passed away they laid him on is they will laid him on his stomach because they didn't
00:17:03
want anybody to see him yeah he was an ugly [ __ ] in fact I am
00:17:09
even as a kid I remember who looks more like just Stevie look more like your mom it's a combination but people say my
00:17:16
brother looks a little more like my mom yeah yeah cuz you don't really look like your mom that much no they lean toward
00:17:22
my dad a little bit I don't think you do I think you're a handsome young man okay so what happened so anyway so um
00:17:27
all day long I'm like deleting thousands of BTS things yeah and I can't come home
00:17:34
when I did have a hotel room and I knock I open it like just [ __ ] Clint
00:17:39
Eastwood you know good the good the bad my blue you know just specific this
00:17:47
right I go you should every all you that's all you do is lay down in bed and scream
00:17:53
shout pts things and I know she masturbates to them no she does she does know she does she did her little old
00:17:58
yellow coochie she just I wish my son look like these yeah you're right sit
00:18:05
yeah yeah so I go I like when you stir mac and cheese and she go and then she
00:18:11
goes but she goes but I don't go [ __ ] so
00:18:21
then I go um and then um I go it's has to stop it's an addiction it's [ __ ] weird
00:18:26
yeah I mean and then she puts her she lays on the bed is he puts her jacket over her head and I could just see this
00:18:35
well you laughing I just see this on the bed like what's going on mom and my
00:18:41
brother takes the jacket off and she's just crying that's right she's not I
00:18:52
know you that you're so me the worst why did you do that to her because I had to [ __ ] all day long
00:18:58
delete make kalaiy ass kalila do she knows a guy we would hand the phone in the [ __ ] car I go you do a thousand
00:19:04
she just would keep doing yeah do it and then you would finish it yeah and there would be another [ __ ] thousand then
00:19:10
get her her own her own iCloud and they just pay for it so it's nice what we did yeah after all the pictures were taking
00:19:17
yeah but then what raised me is is that my [ __ ] iPad is linked to soon I
00:19:24
haven't even started with the iPad I probably have 20,000 BTS and I have to
00:19:30
look at their [ __ ] stupid faces and erase them I love them I don't know why you don't like them I think we should get your mom tickets
00:19:36
to see BTS live can we do that well only if we get backstage do you think we have
00:19:41
access to something like that BTS could you blue you was the agency was UTA okay look at there they are
00:19:48
right there here we go Seoul South Korea Seoul Korea the motherland Santa Clara so that's up in
00:19:54
San Francisco yeah Pasadena may 2nd let's buy her these tickets Pasadena may 2nd they're gonna be here the look on
00:20:01
the screen right there may be a second Rose Bowl Pasadena Mesa I gotta see who they're up by or Sunday May 3rd okay
00:20:08
we're going me and you went on that hole okay we'll go can we go for we can go for sure I'm gonna go but we have to get
00:20:14
we anyone listening to bad friends hopefully this is out by the time the show starts yeah this will be out okay
00:20:20
so um anyone listening to me now right now and if you have anything to do with BTS or have any connect kind of
00:20:26
connections yeah my mom is obsessed with them obsessed and I wouldn't be able to
00:20:32
take her there if we have like [ __ ] seats so we would love backstage passes and just a meet and greet and that would
00:20:39
like be my mom my mom's really old but she's almost 80 and it would she might rape them so yeah it's fine she don't
00:20:47
think they'd be into that I think they'd be into it but my mom is a huge fan so I'm a second or third if anybody has any
00:20:53
kind of hookup for for BTS we're dead serious this would mean the world to Bobby's mother to take her because she
00:20:59
is lonely and Bobby is restrictive over her fun look at that dude look at how
00:21:04
fun look at how cute and fun they are but you know there's an epidemic going on right that um what do you mean last
00:21:11
year I think about five or six K old the kpop stars have killed themselves shut up yeah so what happens is these
00:21:18
kids go through the system right yeah where they're like on fire they're hot because it's all just you know
00:21:24
manufactured it's all it's it's some executive going I'll take this [ __ ] this
00:21:29
[ __ ] this can't they're pretty and then we'll put them together we'll write songs for
00:21:36
them Wow and and then what happens is when they're 23 24 they get shot out of
00:21:41
the yeah you know the system and then they don't know what to do with their lives two of them actually last year got
00:21:48
charged with gang rape not BTS but oxk pop stars I would love BTS way more if they were
00:21:54
gang rape yeah look at the same pop singer Goo Hara found dead age 28 yeah
00:21:59
so they've been they're killing them so all these people just commit suicide when they when they're not famous anymore yeah yeah I wish some people in
00:22:05
Hollywood would do that that's a sad you know what I just saw some if I saw the
00:22:10
saddest thing I saw Vince Neil do a cameo what do you mean VIN oh oh oh the singer
00:22:17
Vince yeah yeah oh my he's like he's like there's another one hey Toby it's me Vince Neil happy birthday Johnny taco
00:22:26
time Rodriguez sent you this you know I love tacos anyway it's me Vince Neil
00:22:32
happy birthday dude what's wrong with that it's just so sad so what do you do those things are you out of her money they
00:22:39
approached me I was just like what we're gonna charge $10 cameo how much do you
00:22:44
think Vince Neil charges he $400 shut up yeah $400 you're [ __ ] one happy
00:22:50
birthday yeah shut oh yeah that's what it said how do I find out here we go let's see let's see how much they are
00:22:55
Vince Neil Vince Neil Vince Neil there we go motley motley crue singer hundred
00:23:02
book right now don't forget please don't book at yeah I'll get back a request for you or
00:23:09
anybody love or maybe not even love so give me a shout see ya you don't find
00:23:16
that to be sad stadiums what four
00:23:26
hundred dollars give me another celebrity well you see what they're charging but let's pick somebody who let's pick someone who you think um
00:23:32
let's see if ahmed ahmed say oh that is i met a man on it yeah he is yeah $25
00:23:41
hey all you people out there and I don't know why it's not working now
00:23:47
what happened was no no I'm sure out outs to your friends family coworkers
00:23:52
happy birthday happy anniversaries so mean congratulatory messages anything you want we are the family happy to do
00:23:59
it and hope to hear from you guys soon make it someone should just be crying
00:24:05
they should just be like yeah who would be really fun how about Drake I think that said Drake
00:24:10
there's no way Drake there's no way Drake please Drake no no there's those guys aren't gonna do
00:24:15
you're on fire yeah okay I think this is for people that are like on their way onto us on their way out you know look
00:24:23
at how many people said Bobbie Lee no no I wouldn't do it didn't sign up who else do you want to see it that's on here
00:24:29
let's see if Theo's on it is D'Elia on here there's no way no yeah Silvan no
00:24:35
Theo's not on there hey man what's up David happy birthday dude I heard about your dad is sick oh there's Brian Posehn
00:24:41
we know him he's gonna be how much - charging 75 hey I'm Brian Posehn actor
00:24:48
comedian I played Burt not Big Bang Theory people
00:24:53
seem to like that show especially okay yeah we should do one as a cross-leg I
00:25:00
will do one together with you I'm dead serious if we're gonna charge though 10 grand all right 500 let's do 5 let's
00:25:09
just see if anyone does 500 how about a thousand that no one does a thousand there's no way you can do without I'm
00:25:14
sure there is king sargon 3 what does gilbert charge gilbert charges a buck fifty okay I think you wanted oh this is
00:25:21
this is Jim Norton's character chip-chip person any charges $69 see this could be funny when you do a character yeah
00:25:27
valentine's Day is fast approaching you're dating a piece of garbage you
00:25:33
don't want to buy our chocolates because she's fat you don't want to buy him flowers cuz he's afraid it's gonna make
00:25:38
him gay so the first thing you how about a Valentine's Day wish from
00:25:44
chip-chip hacen relax I'll make the pig feel a lot better
00:25:49
that's a way to go that's the way to go yeah yeah here you go filter price let's do the
00:25:55
most let's do five hundred it says is the most yeah let's do five hundred we're here yeah yeah minimum five
00:26:01
hundred I want to see who only the five hundreds are okay
00:26:08
Chris Harrison from The Bachelor uh-huh Kevin O'Leary from $1,200 Kevin O'Leary
00:26:14
the [ __ ] shark tank guy oh wow $1,200 Wow Kareem abdul-jabbar is five hundred
00:26:19
Marshall Faulk five hundred Wow 795 what a weird price just be [ __ ] 800 for
00:26:26
[ __ ] do you know Jordan Belfort is right no that's the wolf of Wall Street that's who the movies based Oh
00:26:32
Dick Van Dyke oh no no oh oh no hi I'm
00:26:38
Dick Van Dyke the older version you know I must cameo now so I feel like me to
00:26:44
him send a message to a friend you know tell them you love them happy birthday happy
00:26:51
Valentine's Day yeah well you know maybe just good wishes thinking of it tell me what you
00:26:59
want me to say and I'll do it okay this is me he's a legend he's a legend I don't know I
00:27:06
would you want to hear I do want to hear it's really funny because when they talk you could just talk over them Rapoport
00:27:11
oh yeah where's where I'll rap is 150 well that's good who is this
00:27:19
oh the animated series Batman oh who is
00:27:28
this guy - this is an actor from Will and Grace huh yeah was he charging 7 a $75 yeah yeah hold
00:27:35
on Oh Simon Rex we know we know him $69 Andy Dick is a hundred uh-huh now let's
00:27:40
hear what Andy has to Sandhya's probably funny yeah yeah oh there I am what's
00:27:47
everybody doing how are you doing Andy they're stoked to be on cameo so I can
00:27:52
get in touch with my friends and fans if I still have any bearing in my little
00:27:59
turn of the century from Christmas Carol Jam jams watching vice land and yeah
00:28:07
he's great I love Angie [ __ ] great yeah he's great when he did our podcast
00:28:13
you know to tell you what happened I saw I mean I watched it nobody you know what he did yeah because hold on a second I
00:28:19
got friends here you know I used to live in that apartment what well your bowl place well place
00:28:25
yeah so we stopped it and then 12 dudes are in my living room
00:28:31
what yeah and he's just out there like conniving out there right so I go George
00:28:37
keep the door open so when Andy did the podcast so I can see what they were doing because that's the thing where they look like hooligans right trouble
00:28:46
it was troublemakers troublemakers yeah Manny Pacquiao's a thousand oh it could
00:28:52
be to see his yeah sure please sure ready yeah
00:29:02
[Music] hello Lister yes I want you're happy
00:29:10
your opening thing here okay Manny just record a quick video not that big a deal just say hello to your fans it's how you
00:29:16
get money from them so let's uh let's let's hear what you got there but just just let us know energy in it Manny
00:29:22
energy high high energy high energy would be great it's called cameo and that we told you what it was we told you
00:29:27
what it was yeah and all you all you literally have to do is just get on there and just let them know read the cars that we read the card that we wrote
00:29:34
for you okay go ahead Manny whenever you're ready bud whenever you're ready I
00:29:42
want to greet you a happy birthday and wish you all the best in the birthdays to come in your life thing but they do
00:29:49
come and give you good health and I just want to let you know that your kids they
00:29:58
love you so much and it's not like a hostage Joker yeah and he's like beep
00:30:15
he's tied up yeah this is interesting
00:30:20
for $1,000 if he's getting a thousand and look he's already done there's five
00:30:25
right there that's he just got six grand in front of our face in one day wait she jet wait here they are one two three
00:30:32
today yeah latest it says today this is today right yeah one two three better
00:30:39
help the world's largest econ sling pal at forearm that's right so largest accounting platform Bob is there
00:30:45
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00:30:51
getting in your way yes yeah yeah better help is gonna assist your needs and match your match
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your counselor that's right and it helps yeah let's be real though you know counseling has really helped me out in
00:31:27
the last six months same counseling is one of those things that I think everyone should should do I know we don't all want to do it but you
00:31:33
should do it it's easy to talk to someone you need more counseling I do yeah cuz you're a snapperhead you need more counseling - I know and
00:31:40
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00:31:51
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00:32:36
yes oh wow yeah so he just made $5,000 today to do is he need more money this yes the one
00:32:44
because these days guys spend money like [ __ ] I understand that but it you know it's like come just say something
00:32:50
alright yeah you know what once I listen once I got a door deal at comedy clubs
00:32:55
yeah I decided I'm not selling merch look at this by the way do you know why
00:33:01
yeah because I'm getting so much money at the door why would I rape them for my more money
00:33:07
I get I get that so it's like for me it's like that's his house we live so what that's why he needs more money dude
00:33:12
he can trust me he can afford that and 15 other ones that look just like that I know but then to keep them alive it
00:33:19
can't cost so much [ __ ] money so the extra five grand is what because that's what's gonna [ __ ] that's the water as
00:33:25
a fountain that is that's his fountain bill five grandmother's is well if I was here I'd be like [ __ ] the fountain but I
00:33:30
don't need fountain yeah wait but you said here's the thing no I don't do merch at shows because honestly more
00:33:37
because I don't want to lug them around so all I do is I have the the red rocket posters and I sign those but it's more
00:33:42
from how much do you charge 20 bucks for a great piece of art made by great artists that I sign and they can keep as
00:33:48
like a momento of the show what's wrong I mean that's fine yeah but I just want to lug t-shirts and so
00:33:54
it's more that I don't want to do it yeah oh yeah daliyah does it and he makes like a hundred [ __ ] thousand
00:34:00
dollars probably an his little [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] does it for him who's this little [ __ ] [ __ ] Michael anoche who is
00:34:05
that it's his opener so mean yeah his little hole so mean he's a
00:34:11
great comic he's great and you're being mean and you're being mean could I tell you
00:34:16
what he's done to me Michael you know tell me cuz I he's a good guy as far as I'm concerned or I'm gonna tell you some Michael anoche stories and maybe that'll
00:34:22
change your mind okay give it to me all right first of all Michael anoche bring a picture for people that want to music
00:34:28
used to used to be a cheerleader in high school no yeah really yeah yeah what seriously yeah he
00:34:34
used to be the in the show cheer he used to be with the guy that holds the woman up hears him looking really cute there
00:34:39
he is okay that's a little chick that's Mikey so he's friends with the Fahim Anwar yeah I love for him he's Sophie he-man
00:34:46
more I used to open for me all the time yeah so many years ago this is before Linode she sucked daliyah's dick to get
00:34:53
the so mean to get the opening spots sucked it hard - I heard but anyway yeah
00:35:00
so yeah Fahim comes in he goes you know my friend Michael anoche I got you mean that jock that used to cheerlead such a
00:35:07
beef with him I'll tell you what he did all right go ahead I I didn't say that at the time but this is how I tell the
00:35:12
story not because I know I know ever go yeah yeah so um like he goes his his family's gonna be in Florida on Fort
00:35:20
Lauderdale can you emcee I've never seen him but if he's your friend [ __ ] it let's do it yeah that's yeah so we fly him out there
00:35:26
the whole thing right he does okay right right it's a Sunday night I get a call
00:35:32
from my friend Paul he's a big radio guy down there yeah there's another director friend of mine I can't with all his name right now but he did at that movie
00:35:38
cocaine Cowboys oh love them so both of them call me they go hey we
00:35:45
would take you to your favorite restaurant so I go oh okay cool but can
00:35:51
I bring my openers Billy Corbin yeah you get Billy I love him yeah he goes can I bring my openers and Paul and Billy go
00:35:58
yeah sure it'll be on the house we'll take care of them got enough money we'll do it so we're in a packed restaurant
00:36:04
we're in Dan Marino's table at this restaurant oh really yeah he's not there I thought you meant his restaurant no it was
00:36:10
somebody else's but he has a table oh yeah do you remember the name of the place yeah runway 84 something like that
00:36:16
huh yeah yeah so um so you're there you're at it's slam packed by the way
00:36:21
yeah right and so um at the end of the meal the owner yeah
00:36:27
Anthony is runway 84 Wow it's beautiful it looks beautiful it's beautiful and it's uh the best Italian food I think in
00:36:33
South Florida and it supposed to make it look like you're on an airplane yeah that's hacky as [ __ ] you have it's been there forever so I mean in fact the
00:36:40
owner the reason why I can get a table there he's a huge fan of Kirby enthusiasm oh yes yeah every time I go
00:36:46
in there a says my character's name and everything what was your character's name you [ __ ] do boom gyeongju again
00:36:56
no don't point it at my [ __ ] face okay sorry
00:37:04
so uh for people that don't know odd that are listening via audio only Bobby has a gun and he keeps pointing it at me
00:37:11
and it's it's loaded it is it is loaded yeah I know it is and the Safety's on
00:37:17
but I couldn't I know how to take it huh can I finish the [ __ ] D there's two
00:37:22
stories alright so it so um the owner of the restaurant sits down with us it's a
00:37:27
slam packed and at the end we all get up from the table and the owner goes hey let's do a group photo shop like shot at
00:37:34
photo a picture a picture right and I go alright who's gonna take it any in the guy goes well our staff is so slam right
00:37:42
now i mike mike michael anoche you take the photo and michael said to me cuz now
00:37:47
i go hey i laughs I go yeah just take
00:37:54
the photo man now I'd love it I go I put my finger on
00:38:00
the table take the [ __ ] photo I'm not taking the photo Matt I want to be in the photo mmm so the guy and he the
00:38:07
owner has to run around the restaurant now to find somebody to take the photo okay right yes a staff man yeah and it's
00:38:15
slammed right so it's there's no a level of stress yeah but now I'm in such a rage right my MC opener yeah wouldn't
00:38:25
take the [ __ ] photo right so now you're [ __ ] pissed grateful yeah yeah I want to ruin his
00:38:30
career right that's all the ways I can ruin his career my hat so we get back in
00:38:37
the car they find a busboy yeah I think they get so you know and he's sweating
00:38:43
this busboy sweating because he's gonna run around this to do real work real work yeah so he takes the photo Lou no
00:38:49
cheese in it we get in the car and I go bro in this situation I'm your [ __ ]
00:38:57
boss dude I'm paying for all you know me all this yeah he goes you're not my boss you're my friend
00:39:03
what did you say and I just completely shut down each door closed right and
00:39:10
then I go never again never again my head you never talk to him ever again well that was yeah at the thinking but
00:39:16
didn't cut to five years later five [ __ ] years you didn't talk to him no I would I would kind of avoid him in the
00:39:23
hallway that I would see how you know that that means I will come in the hallway the store and I'm him and you're you say say hi hey Bobby what's up
00:39:29
what's up dude and this walk away whoa that's hot that's ice cold yeah there are a couple of guys I can name their name that I go
00:39:34
[ __ ] that I won't even give him that corn Kevin Shea yeah yeah I know that yeah we know that so um five years later he comes up to me
00:39:43
goes a man have changed that's the intro yeah hey yeah I've changed man what did
00:39:50
you say I go what have you changed you know you go I'm like I know you're doing
00:39:55
San Diego could open I don't know what came over me I want you know what dude
00:40:01
I'm a forgiving man in my head yes you are and I'm gonna Dali Lama this yeah
00:40:07
man what I'm gonna be like present and my own peaceful yeah so now he's am singing
00:40:15
for me in San Diego lawyer no the Comedy Store no at the American comedy company
00:40:21
oh right all right yeah so no not for me once why
00:40:26
cuz it Justin no no I play the store any time I go down there it's like the OL I would do I would you I would do the
00:40:31
store if the manager of the store didn't [ __ ] me over the way he did how did he [ __ ] you up
00:40:37
that's another that's another story right so um so la noche is opening for me and this one took me over this this
00:40:45
is the fine this is the nail in the coffin they own the coffee yeah so I am second show on a Saturday I don't know
00:40:53
what the [ __ ] happened but he brings me up and at that time I needed the stool
00:40:59
to do two bits what were they I forgot I had a ninja bit that I did I needed the
00:41:05
stool for a ninja bit yeah and add another bit but I needed it they were like Mike toward my end good
00:41:11
closing bits yeah I needed them sure so arm he brings me up on stage to get
00:41:18
upstate there's no stool so I whisper in his ear I got hey dude um well I'm uh
00:41:23
people while I'm up here just go give me a stool right right so I'm on stage and
00:41:29
I can see him in the audience flirting with women right and I'm on stage and
00:41:37
I'm telling jokes and I could just see him and then I see him with the doorman like they're like he's poking their
00:41:43
stomachs like giggling Araya and I'm just onstage just eyeing this behavior his pissed
00:41:49
livid right he doesn't even ask for a stool no he's trying to get boys trying to get [ __ ] Ryan you're looking for a
00:41:55
stool and I'm not kidding you it was the work I can probably in my lifetime I've had top 5 worst shows I've ever done in
00:42:03
my top 5 there's no way it was that by sort of God just because you didn't have a stool because were in your head was in
00:42:08
my head so every joke was coming out really angry and weird yeah right and
00:42:13
then I'm literally eating it I'm not even kidding you I'm that I did don't believe it to me it felt like open mic
00:42:20
night shut up you just were in your head I was in my head I was in a rage because you
00:42:26
were staring at him why did he take a girl out of the room today did he end up talking to somebody already just leave
00:42:31
he left without this without giving it trying to get a stool do you remember no
00:42:38
he didn't get a girl but he just took off yeah and then when so I'm eating it and it end of my show he like and I'm like
00:42:45
now sweating mm-hmm and I go that's my time on stage right that's my time come
00:42:52
with some on stage just you know with this you know you happy and I look at him I go that's it we're done and and
00:43:01
that was it that's it we're done so now you don't even say hello to him no I do we took around oh you just didn't you'll
00:43:08
say I never woke the problem was that he he's a survivor he's like a little roach you know you see there's a lot of
00:43:15
roaches out there mm-hmm he's telling a guy and he's gonna probably gonna make it I like him I like
00:43:20
him too but I let him make it I like that you hate him I think that's funny no I don't hate him I love him Michael if you're listening cuz I'm
00:43:25
gonna do something with him next week what are you doing yes of sort of Internet show he wants me to do okay I'm gonna do it so can I just say this Lou
00:43:31
no chief was also a guy that I used to use even after that where I would make him but this is of why I could do this
00:43:38
why I could go hey dude 5:00 in the morning stand outside your place he goes
00:43:45
why at 7:00 a.m. I have a [ __ ] audition you're running lines and you would do it yes he would wake up I'd be
00:43:51
on the side of a [ __ ] road he would get in my car I'll give him sides and we would run it for an hour and a half I
00:43:56
wouldn't have to pay him or anything that's really nice would you buy him a coffee or something nothing nothing nothing nothing use let him in again
00:44:03
right out right and even like little things like this so I'm a little mean to him but I'm good with him he's just
00:44:09
never gonna open for me again so then you were done with him when you're disposed of him when you're done with them you know what you know like you
00:44:16
know like forever like I can't talk to you but like in terms of working that's all that's it
00:44:21
so now you're never gonna want to work with what's his name ever again Peter Weller because he [ __ ] you over on no
00:44:26
no I know I you know I you know if I ever do Magnum again I'm gonna ask now who'd the director is and if he's doing
00:44:32
you won't do the episode it depends here's the phone call ready yeah hello
00:44:39
hey Bobby it's a it's a mica show Feld I am you know I know you just let me do
00:44:48
the [ __ ] character what is it well gene Hong would call me gene Hong is
00:44:56
lived it shout to cheat ha I'm not picking up yet [ __ ] out - Jin hyung Jin
00:45:03
hyung is a call executive producer on magnum p.i he's my boy he's the one that
00:45:09
writes all the episodes for me and he's so talented I love you so much all right
00:45:14
don't so we should make an aside for
00:45:20
people that don't aren't only listening on audio the gun that Bobby's pointing at me is an airsoft gun it's not a real [ __ ] gun it only took us 40 minutes
00:45:26
to talk about the gun that's right so um hello oh hey Bob Jean what's up what's
00:45:34
up brother how are you hey bro bro listen dude I want you to come back out and do a couple more Epis of mag mag PSM
00:45:42
who's directing guess what what peter weller okay bye Bobby Bobby yeah wait wait wait
00:45:52
yeah check it out what we're gonna give you a hundred and fifty thousand in episode yep I'll do it all right yeah I
00:45:58
mean okay ready and it's dope isn't it I love it so it's the only thing that look at me I'm not joking it changed the way
00:46:05
I sleep we I put I both of my beds have it now okay I want to say this all my beds the honest truth this is that I
00:46:11
when you said Buffy and you're like you could take it home and you go trust you
00:46:17
go I trust me you know mean it's good right I cuz your restaurant Tate's those
00:46:22
tastes are so bad really like what that one diner that you took me to my point is but let me just finish my name the
00:46:29
diner and then we'll talk name the dinette 24-hour place down on Ventura that you took me to it that mom-and-pop
00:46:34
place will you have breakfast and stuff yeah yeah anyway my point ever go
00:46:41
through that crave cafe that was because it was just in the middle as a matter I would say I know but the thing is is that right that's not my restaurant
00:46:47
I know but your bad taste in things okay so what just stop getting angry man and just listen and absorb it
00:46:54
Oh sorb your chit talking is that [ __ ] talking I began truth okay tell the truth the truth is is that
00:47:00
I thought you had bad taste and [ __ ] mmm-hmm and then when you told me this puffy blanket I like it's probably gonna
00:47:06
be bad and I brought it home and it's the best blanket betting I've ever had in my life fact and therefore you
00:47:12
probably got a recommendation for somebody else no I used it and I loved it and Buffy by the way to make supersoft earth-friendly bedding yeah
00:47:19
it's a comfy night's sleep that you deserve it's even comfier because it doesn't harm the environment Bob it uses
00:47:24
eucalyptus fiber it's breathable and it's cool to the touch - hey main to help maintain the ideal sleeping
00:47:30
temperature and feel cozy without overheating it really is when you put it on your body it's feels like like air yeah animal air
00:47:38
I used to sweat I sweat all the time and better call angrist wise never had or
00:47:43
helped sweat I've never ever sweat with a Buffy yeah I'm dead serious it's crazy I've never sweated - Buffy and I use
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$20 off your Buffy bedding busy Buffy dot CO and enter the code bad friend once again for $20 off your Buffy
00:48:22
bad friends visit Buffy I see going into the code bad friends enter it okay
00:48:27
that's what yeah I see the photo no of what of you and me and Peter will er wheeler whatever his name is Peter well
00:48:35
look at that oh that's a great photo who tried photo a cameraman I smokey did he
00:48:42
smoke a cigar on the set know that we were outside smoking together whoa so it's not no it's not as if like
00:48:47
we're not taught we hang out he looks tight yeah it's tight he looks like a cool dude you think he'll do it but it's not it's not you know when I
00:48:54
want to have a relationship yeah I'm Bobby Lee yeah I know I know and who the [ __ ] you are right but so I
00:49:00
a little confidence eat up when I was young I did a show called Arles when I was a young kid yeah we remember that
00:49:06
show bad but he was a basketball manager yeah yeah right so I did like his name
00:49:11
well spoken our list hate that [ __ ] he's a comedian yeah his let me don't even google it let
00:49:16
me think of it no I'm gonna Google and you can think of it okay
00:49:22
Arlis TV show yes I spell the wrong isn't it - SS it's some status Arliss
00:49:29
all right Robert well Robert wool Robert wolf yeah and he's like and he's got dad
00:49:34
kinda Sh he's like smarmy a little bit yeah so when I was on that show um I was
00:49:39
so scared I didn't know who the director was I didn't know what was going on I just remember being you know I was 28
00:49:46
years old 27 years old you act like that's like super young yeah but I only started when I was 23
00:49:52
yeah I guess ya know so I'm from a small town and I am from San Diego and from
00:49:57
Poway though it's like a little askew it's in San Diego it's yeah but it's North County it's deep in the woods
00:50:02
there's no woods I know but there are trees territories there I promise so
00:50:08
you're 28 you gone are less you're nervous Robert wool isn't nice to you yeah and so I'm just scared I don't know
00:50:14
what a jib is I don't know what you know the tech terms I didn't know anything about it right so yeah
00:50:19
you know when they say all right you're done with the scene you know you scurry to your dressing room and just wait you
00:50:26
know I mean but now you know you you [ __ ] around with the camera man I know everybody I know that don't you hang out
00:50:32
you know man it's you know the stars of the show or your friends and you know you know how to do it you know so arm but um so I
00:50:41
could hang out with a guy like him and we can jab and shred my honest opinion is is that when when yeah I used to used
00:50:49
to UM do commercials but with a guy named Joe Pitka yeah and he was like
00:50:54
that Steven Spielberg of commercials commercials he was a king he did the Bono's campaign what yeah he did that
00:51:02
was my favorite [ __ ] on it as a kid when Michael Jackson got his head caught fire with the Pepsi commercial I was him
00:51:08
really did all the Britney Spears he was the biggest one but he was seven foot two white hair down to his back and he
00:51:16
was the meanest son of a [ __ ] I've ever asked Ari Shaffir about him when he sees why is he so mean cuz Shaffir used to do
00:51:22
commercial for him - Eric Stonestreet did apart like 60 from him 60 yeah one time he had the I'm not
00:51:29
kidding you he goes alright I want the crew the cameraman and everyone on set to form a circle say
00:51:38
they formed a circle everybody put me in the middle of a circle yeah and they go point your finger they point their
00:51:44
finger at me and everyone repeat after me you're the worst actor on planet
00:51:49
Earth you're making this not the entire crew did not say this yesterday you're the he's the guy that beat the
00:51:56
[ __ ] I got a fistfight with a [ __ ] actor nice a he hired I love this guy
00:52:02
yeah you I know that's your that's your wheelhouse yeah the guy is disciplined
00:52:07
you're the worst actor I know that's amazing whenever I act when I mean when
00:52:13
I run into people like that I think of you yeah yeah what is his name this guy's my [ __ ] hero
00:52:19
Joe Pitka Joe Pitka yeah I want to link up with Pitka bad whoa he looks like
00:52:24
Viggo from [ __ ] so my god yes Joe yes
00:52:30
your Pitka does this give you weird flash oh my god I didn't PTSD right now actually there's a one commercial you
00:52:35
did that's on YouTube that with me and Eric Stonestreet on it can we find it it's IBM Bob you Lee IBM Bobby Lee yeah that was a chit Joe
00:52:46
Pitka this one was it's a bank robbery that's it
00:52:52
[Music] there's no money here which is no money
00:53:00
no money where is it somewhere safe this is the safe somewhere safer
00:53:05
hardware encryption smart cards you know digital security who are you are going
00:53:11
to help desk who are you cleaning crew this place is a mess
00:53:21
you guys have come a long way that was some of the worst [ __ ] acting I've
00:53:26
ever seen in my life and I mean it with every ounce of my body who are you
00:53:32
I don't we're the cleaning crew it's a mess in here but you have to understand
00:53:38
you know business was incredible I know because I can't be loose with a hat when
00:53:43
I am under the dictator right you while you look like a dictator sitting with
00:53:48
your shaved head in that chair why'd you it was a four man TV you shaved no I just won't for one year I would decided to do a Hmong thing but you didn't have
00:53:55
the attitude of a monk okay well don't make fun of my acting right now about [ __ ] things I'm not I'm not can I
00:54:01
show you look we've all done commercials yeah give me sure I'll show you well I don't even know what's still up but the
00:54:07
first one I did was Mike's Hard Lemonade I'm dead serious yeah NASCAR it probably
00:54:14
doesn't exist down here anymore yeah no there's no let me see you didn't do it I did if it's not on YouTube you didn't do
00:54:20
it what I'm telling you I did it I don't I don't know where it is now I'm a
00:54:25
NASCAR commercial no no oh maybe this is
00:54:31
it here yeah who was that it was at a
00:54:40
racetrack I did another one with Kevin Christie I love Kevin Christie was not a
00:54:45
comic I'm the one that got him to do call me you got him do stand-up because you did that as I met him on an ape and
00:54:51
p.m. commercial too much good stuff what too much good stuff yeah and then um we
00:54:57
became friends there and then one time I ran into him at amoeba yeah and he goes I want to do stand-up I go let's go to
00:55:03
the store and then he just started doing it really yeah and you were the one that convinced him to do it yeah do you would
00:55:10
you know what it's called yeah an p.m. maybe Bobby Lee I don't know you can
00:55:16
barely see me in it I'm like the fourth friend no I know there it is online somewhere I just don't know wait to
00:55:22
Google sorry doesn't matter but the point the point is yeah we yeah the cover the commercial thing was tough for me I really it became like a weird
00:55:28
cattle call yes they're all cattle calls but it made me emotionally be feel [ __ ] up when I would
00:55:34
for a role and then I would see the kid who worked in the casting directors office get the role and I was like he [ __ ] works there Oh would you know
00:55:41
that one and that used to kill me I was like well that guy [ __ ] works and there was a comic who was a cameraman for an agency who do you know who was I
00:55:47
forgot his name but he would be the guy that you would he would call you in oh you oh you read with him and you me and
00:55:54
he would get half of them yeah because he would put himself on mm-hmm yeah it was the worst did you ever go to
00:56:00
200 southla Brad you Scott oh yeah is that where the PETCO is yeah yeah all the time in fact they're a nightmare
00:56:06
happened where me and Johnny Sanchez we had like nine callbacks for a mountain dew right it was like a big
00:56:12
campaign a lot of money and was down to four guys right and I said they would pay it would they need two guys yeah so
00:56:18
they paired me and Johnny and some piece to other guys and we would go in and then they would leave and Johnny would
00:56:25
go in and I remember us for standing in the hallway and the cast and it goes you you you're out to you and Johnny and we
00:56:32
just yeah three days of going back there
00:56:38
for nothing yeah of or two dudes that you've never even heard of yeah but they don't give a [ __ ]
00:56:44
it's a look thing commercials are like well what do they look like dude at 200 South this is an insane story I'd like
00:56:49
it popped into my brain remember they have those benches there like carpeted benches yeah right a little girl there's always
00:56:54
with kids odd kid on yeah all that works there was a million little kids running around this is insane I just remember this and I'm so livid because they
00:57:02
called me back for this thing and I just was like I didn't want to go I knew I wasn't gonna get it I could tell cuz I
00:57:08
could tell they didn't like me yeah they just wanted you back yeah we have to get 10 people back in anyway and I'm sitting
00:57:13
there and it was the afternoon it was hot as [ __ ] was the middle of the summer and I'm sweating sitting on this bench and I'm wearing a [ __ ] sport coat and
00:57:19
I look over and there all these kids are playing on the benches and this girl is jumping up and down on the bench dude
00:57:26
yeah jumping up and down and their mother goes get off and she goes she
00:57:32
goes why good get off I'm not kidding yeah out of out of like the worst
00:57:37
[ __ ] hilarious horror movie she runs up to her daughter and grabs her by the
00:57:42
neck and throws her off the bench yeah kidding yeah seven-year-old girl throws
00:57:47
her off and then she falls to the ground and she starts crying in the parents are like oh my god she's like I was just trying to grab I was just rying to grab
00:57:53
her arm and she I mean she'd walk right in this little girl's neck yeah and threw her off the [ __ ] yeah it's insane
00:57:58
and that made my day I don't care if I don't get a commercial that was a [ __ ] hilarious grabs your little
00:58:04
daughter by the neck she looked like she was trying to just get her body but she went right for her throat I mean yeah it
00:58:09
was all that parental when you hear about parents that want to kill their kids yeah after years and years it builds up it was the moment that she was like wow
00:58:15
yeah I watched her go throat it wasn't her butt throw you think she got the part she did she booked at baby baby
00:58:22
it's a Petco commercial people don't realize how demeaning those things are it's like yeah if the worst is when you
00:58:28
go to work like a cattle call commercial I did it thousands of them yeah well you sign up and it's like one line like he
00:58:35
did it yeah that's a that's a line where are they going yeah where are they going right that's the line and you're sitting
00:58:41
there and just you have to wait an hour at least and then you see douchebags yeah I mean just standing up and just
00:58:47
going where are they going where are they going yeah yeah and you're like
00:58:56
we're going nowhere that's what I would say nowhere this is where we're at yeah
00:59:02
this is it the bottom we're at the bottom yeah yeah but they would take it so seriously oh my god they paced around
00:59:07
they would make me they wouldn't make me nervous they would make me anxious because people would pace I hate it when people pace in auditions it makes me so
00:59:14
great I hate it when you know what I hate worse is when I you're memorized
00:59:19
you're focused and then six comics you know walk in I [ __ ] hate it's the worst
00:59:24
finally they slap you yeah and then you're out you know done but I have I
00:59:29
have the key to it mm-hmm and this is the mentality if you're a commercial actor this is the mentality
00:59:35
that you need okay you have to do you have to do two things yeah you have to pretend that you're
00:59:43
kind of grateful to be there but the second thing right yeah is is that this
00:59:49
is underneath me and I'm doing you a favor you're to do a to get to do ally of those two things so it's like when you
00:59:56
slate it's like you know what slating is is that during commercial auditions they go alright say
01:00:01
your name you go I'm Bobby Lee I'm five four profiles and
01:00:06
you do your profile sand it right so I do it like this is what I did this is so gross but I go if they say it do do your
01:00:14
profile okay okay go ahead and slate what go ahead and go ahead and slate what is it oh say your name and then your camera
01:00:21
you know I make it seem like you get goop around right oh and then I was trying to make a joke
01:00:27
like I only do one profile get other ones you know let's flat flat anyway I'll be good job
01:00:33
my face is flat anyway I'm the catchment area hmm yeah all right obviously could
01:00:38
you just read the line the line of course is right there and it just says this tastes exactly like apple juice that my grandmother used to make go
01:00:44
ahead okay improvise we'd rather you not Mott's in its family yeah there's a
01:00:49
family so that tastes like the apple juice my grandmother used ugh this is the Bobby Lewis County and this
01:01:01
is just like the cranberry juice my Apple um used to pick you got the part
01:01:08
that's exactly how would probably do it yeah you'd [ __ ] it up on I would [ __ ] it up on purpose and then leave and then
01:01:13
I'll get a callback and then that's when that would be a can backfire yeah back
01:01:18
for us all the [ __ ] deer but sometimes in callback because that's when the ad agency the director they're
01:01:24
all losers they're all there yeah and there's maybe four guys right maybe they call back for six guys and
01:01:30
you know that if you booked this back then you're gonna make anywhere between 15 to 60 grand yeah back then there was
01:01:38
really good money right I don't know what it is now yeah yeah because I haven't done in years but like I did one commercial that paid me three hundred
01:01:45
fifty thousand dollars get the [ __ ] out with a Joe Pitka what commercial wasn't it was a campaign for IBM where I was in
01:01:52
an astronaut suit with my friend Aaron Erik Kurt's burger from New York three hundred and fifty grand
01:01:58
yeah because we had to fly to Tokyo throw it oh you got that you got to fly to Tokyo made us oh you didn't want to
01:02:04
go to Japan at France we went we did it all over the world and you'd and that was a bummer for you you sound like that
01:02:10
that sounds fair was incredible holy [ __ ] Bobby and I was it was in 1998 I had no money I was
01:02:17
living with 11 people look at this this is gonna piss me off so much what have you blown all that money you've blown all that money yeah the God look at this
01:02:26
yeah money then and now this is this always makes me mad the Inflation Calculator look at this yeah three
01:02:33
hundred and fifty thousand dollars is what you made in what 1998 yeah I use
01:02:38
this all the time 1998 three hundred and fifty grand
01:02:47
that's a half a million dollars yeah yeah yeah in [ __ ] for a commercial
01:02:53
yeah holy [ __ ] the best we don't make that now on TV shows or movies why I
01:02:58
last two years on a movie two years ago on a movie did you never want to say something right now out loud do it
01:03:05
Jordan Peele you know him no I don't know Jordan
01:03:11
[ __ ] Peele so he calls me any good yeah you're
01:03:18
always you're me hey dude Jordan whatever all right hey you know
01:03:25
Chelsea and I are getting married yeah yeah are you goes he goes uh hey I'm
01:03:38
doing commercials a commercial for booking.com okay okay okay okay and uh we want you
01:03:43
in the commercial cool yeah and he goes how much do you want meal yeah no I don't why would you say that no one
01:03:49
would say that I would say a [ __ ] million Jordan [ __ ] peal Jordan Peele
01:03:54
it's one day at work what a million dollars give me raised [ __ ] dollars Jordan Peele you have all the money you could do it give me
01:03:59
the money that's not what if that's Ortiz that's not what he said all right you said we didn't say that what did you say give me a half and I go
01:04:05
whatever you want I would have done it before five grand no you wouldn't have for Jordan I would have five grand for a
01:04:12
[ __ ] big of huge national commercial stop anyway it was it's me it was me Jane
01:04:18
Lynch love Jordan chelsea peretti and Eddie Pepitone and Keegan Keyes
01:04:24
so six have fun or fun right yeah it I go I don't know and he goes it's just a
01:04:30
day of work I don't know I honestly well because I haven't seen him in a while you know and I love him so I go whatever
01:04:36
he goes I'll just keep okay for a day of
01:04:42
work and I hung up the phone and it wasn't because of the money I literally
01:04:48
just started crying because you know in this business when your friends make it
01:04:54
they don't hook you up 99% of them don't they don't yeah but there are people like him that do yeah hehe and I can
01:05:02
tell that he looks at me and he goes I think still today he looks at me cuz why
01:05:07
are you bigger what do you what do you mean how big do you want what do you want to be oh yeah what do you want to
01:05:14
be you're great what do you want to be I tell you this all the time what are you looking for look at you
01:05:21
you went to Hawaii you took your mother and your brother to Hawaii to celebrate you broke her heart about BTS but then
01:05:27
you shot magnum p.i and you get to fly around the world telling jokes and then you come back here and you smoke your cigarettes and you wear your stupid
01:05:34
[ __ ] beanie on your huge [ __ ] head and you live the life of a king you come in here this is you get to tell but you
01:05:40
know this is in human nature yeah you your life is good for you I know and I'm grateful what do you want to be what do
01:05:48
you want to be doing bong bong give me the gun yeah no arm bong joon-ho but to
01:05:55
here's what happened so back then Jorge was around right when you got yeah alright so but this is the thing but at
01:06:03
the same time there was a lady a black lady okay I'll tell you what why that
01:06:09
that's important what supposedly I said she was supposedly black just listen to
01:06:15
what the [ __ ] story yeah he was supposedly black assumably assumably and
01:06:21
we were getting emails before that saying big money extortion I was getting
01:06:27
emails going you said something on your podcast and I will alert it to the world if you don't send me 15 grand right
01:06:36
that happened right George came back holy [ __ ] so we would email back no [ __ ] you [ __ ] you yeah all right she's like I
01:06:43
have connections to Vanity Fair I don't just call these [ __ ] places okay and it's like I said it on my
01:06:50
podcast it's out there yeah what yeah what did you say I just said that black people
01:06:55
were oily why you just were out of
01:07:04
nowhere because we did we did a series of podcasts making fun of races right yeah
01:07:09
so we did we had a secure on we did two episode of one or two full episodes about Asians just ripping them apart
01:07:16
yeah that's part of what we do yeah it's fair we did one with Mexicans ripping them apart and we did some one on blacks yeah and the only bad thing I
01:07:22
said which in retrospect was bad he's black people are oily yet they're kind of oily right you said that out loud
01:07:28
yeah yeah and she goes I'm gonna watch put this on Twitter what no I'm gonna
01:07:34
[ __ ] you with this if you don't Stu give me 15 grand wow did you publish those but you should have published those emails no I called CAA and I just warned
01:07:42
them about it but so now I'm sitting there shooting this commercial and I remember it because I'm sitting laying
01:07:49
there with Jane Lynch because we have a make-out scene in this commercial and two executives walk up to me and they go
01:07:58
can we talk to you and I go what what in the Jordan Peele commercial yeah yeah I
01:08:04
go what happened we talked to outside yeah yeah go outside with them and
01:08:09
already it's weird like there's something going on and they go did you call black people what did you call
01:08:19
black people only and I go no Bobby no I said that why do you say because in my
01:08:26
head I'm like my career this disc I'm gonna lose this for saying black people
01:08:32
are oily yeah it's stupid we're not gonna lose your [ __ ] career but maybe this commercial I don't know why would
01:08:37
they bringing me out there all that stuff it's a lot of money dude yeah it's like it would you know it at the time you know Tiger Billa had just
01:08:44
started what happened so I bet basically they go we know you said it
01:08:53
and they don't know we already knew you said we vetted you we yeah they didn't care yeah we don't care but we just
01:08:59
letting you know this lady came to us you don't mean and he was like and
01:09:05
saying she told us she's making a stink about it how did she know about I don't have no idea that's [ __ ] crazy yeah
01:09:11
so it so I um I I have a feeling I think I know what male comic it was go ahead I
01:09:19
can't say it why because he called me cuz I started a war with him okay and he
01:09:26
called me one day and crying almost saying just listen I just I won't talk
01:09:33
about you anymore and let's just we're not friends with you know but just you know stop talking about me I have a family now because you fought you
01:09:40
verbally [ __ ] him up so much yeah you kept talking enough [ __ ] we're finally it crushed him Wow and so they wanna
01:09:47
know who the [ __ ] that is I'll tell you off stage okay and so on because he called and he was like very adamant
01:09:53
about it that not to talk about him anymore cuz I would have if he hadn't I made that call I would have been talking [ __ ]
01:09:59
right now but you said this so how did what is the connection between this person and the assumable I think it's him oh they're one on the same and this
01:10:06
person is what a white person a guy a white guy yeah god I want to know so far yeah but because it was in the same but
01:10:13
it could be my own delusional head making connections that aren't really really real yeah but that's the person just disappeared off the face of the
01:10:20
planet that's wherever this allegedly they don't exist anymore what this black lady lap because I had called CAA and
01:10:26
you know as a black lady because she said it in the email right did she say that second I'm a black lady I'm a black
01:10:31
woman and I know hey Bobby I'm a black lady that's how the email started I don't know we have the email still or no
01:10:37
I want to show it to the fan so bad hey Bobby I'm a black lady yeah one day you said yeah so black people of oily skin
01:10:45
but well you know what's strange about this new era you know of show bazookas
01:10:51
back in the day you know you could be Steve McQueen you know and treat somebody like [ __ ] or you know or you
01:10:57
know or talk [ __ ] just the opposite by the way you know he was a really good guy that's a bad example that Mort Sahl
01:11:03
okay all right yeah whoever it might be right yeah Don Rickles yeah yeah whatever my boo ever might be there's
01:11:11
you you don't you can't somebody a regular person could ruin one's one
01:11:16
career one person couldn't ruin one person's career Yeah right it would take a mafia to take up nowadays now you can
01:11:24
just start a movement I can destroy you totally yeah like you can be destroyed
01:11:29
off of like what look go ahead 1 2 re you know just something can happen I don't think that's a destroyer I think
01:11:36
that's it no he's gonna be fine just bad time it's just bad timing he's gonna be fine he's a very talented guy and we love him but um it's just an interesting
01:11:44
time you know well do you think we get direct feedback right away but here's the thing do you think that when we joke
01:11:50
around on this podcast which we do all the [ __ ] time do you really like the beauty is people know we're [ __ ]
01:11:56
kidding and if they don't that's not my problem that's how I feel about it yeah if you don't know that I'm kidding when
01:12:02
I start joking with you that's not my problem that's your problem yeah I'm not gonna
01:12:08
I'm not gonna spoil a joke that I have now but yes basically about that it's like who did it I'm the bad guy are you
01:12:13
the bad person yeah cuz I I didn't I didn't say it I'm gonna show you something that happened the other day in Hawaii that drove me into hysterics I
01:12:22
also want to post AddThis photo I posted this photo on his Instagram oh yeah it's
01:12:27
right and I said I bought this bring it up here and my girlfriend just called me Robert Downey syndrome yeah okay that's
01:12:36
what I mean it looks yes that's the job this is the picture right here that Bobbi posted right here right so that's
01:12:43
a joke right and she had just told me that and you said Robert Downey syndrome she took the photos you got your Robert
01:12:49
Downey Syndrome and I posted it okay right because I thought I made me laugh right after this I laughs yeah after
01:12:54
this photo yeah right I post it and this lady goes you know I just think it's bad writing and a testament to your comedy
01:13:03
ability that you said that to make fun of people it's just not funny and and I
01:13:09
go and I just immediately Texas vago it's funny because the greatest
01:13:15
comedians on planet earth just liked it Yeah right I don't know who you are cuz
01:13:20
you have 200 followers and um also I've been doing this as a living for 25 years
01:13:27
yeah I think I know what I'm doing I think I know what I think I've got to figure it out and also people get dollars [ __ ] it's not just that it's
01:13:34
just that you know um I hate it when attention to it then because it was just
01:13:40
it because number one it is funny yeah it is very funny that's hands-down funny yeah right
01:13:45
mm-hmm right I don't give a [ __ ] if you don't think it's funny you don't know anything about comedy yeah it's funny so
01:13:51
um that's number one and number two it's like and then I looked at her she has an autistic son oh great right so it's like
01:13:59
um she wants to be she wants social justice that's what it is she wants to be the she's angry about the situation
01:14:05
she's in and she's now you know fighting for the voiceless look I sometimes I get it why
01:14:12
people do that but also you're following a comedian online well what do you think it was everything what I love about my
01:14:19
fans is that so I post that yeah comment on that offer her comment and then you
01:14:24
just get 34 40 people just going [ __ ] yeah no see that she just deletes it
01:14:29
yeah yeah now you made her feel bad she
01:14:39
can't win you're right I want to call someone I'm gonna call someone to find out if what you said if the if this
01:14:45
person thinks that the black people are only comment is racist or not who is it Ian no hold on it's got to be somebody
01:14:52
oh my god it's someone you know yeah hey Griff hey
01:15:01
Griff it's Bobby its Santino hey that's funny we call a black guy and he's
01:15:07
there's a [ __ ] cop in the background of course when is that we're having
01:15:21
lunch at 11:00 Sophie's at Sophie's we have a question for you yeah Bobby Bobby
01:15:29
said on a podcast blacks black people have oily skin and we want to know if you think that's
01:15:35
racist or not that's just odd I don't
01:15:42
think it'll race it just odd there we go yeah right right if you just said a
01:15:55
voice this is your observation right
01:16:06
that's what I meant that's what I meant and also secondly it's like you know I'm gonna call in right now I'm gonna see if he's uh he agrees with me or not all
01:16:14
right Grif I love you and we love you Griffin we love you so [ __ ] much you know that right you [ __ ] little [ __ ]
01:16:23
[ __ ] everyone listen to Eric Griffin spod cast ya riffing with Griffin with
01:16:29
Griffin it's the [ __ ] [ __ ] okay great
01:16:39
wait I'll call him from here whatever they can hear it through the headphones I'll relate I can do it Ian Edwards yeah
01:16:44
I'm gonna call him but will it come as your number though yeah we're good Griffin's gonna be so mad that we just
01:16:51
did that I love it he's gonna be [ __ ] pissed yeah so you want to call him what do you want to ask him if it's a racist
01:16:57
or not okay we are by the way I'm gonna tell you something I know he's gonna say yes no he's not yes he's
01:17:05
my boy dude it doesn't matter you don't know boys when boys are boys hello let's see the message in what's up
01:17:18
brah yeah yeah Ian yeah it's Santino and Bobby Lee we're
01:17:25
recording our podcast and Bobby said something here's a questionably racist saying that black people have oily skin
01:17:30
we want to know if you think that's bad or not Bobby's feeling bad about it again I want to see if you can pick I
01:17:36
will see if he'll pick up my phone okay this will be embarrassing yeah yes that made me feel good that
01:17:44
honestly made me feel good yeah if you would have picked up though it would have been so joyous who's the most famous person in your phone that you
01:17:50
could call right now I I have some who do you have yeah I have a number of
01:17:57
somebody but I know they won't pick up the phone but I'll show you okay look at
01:18:02
this one which one that's you that's huge that's huge but I know she won't
01:18:07
pick up I don't have I don't have I have see this one hmm oh yeah yeah yeah
01:18:14
pretty big but you won't call I will not call I will not go it's so funny because I'd be so scared
01:18:21
cuz then maybe I got it I don't know what I would say yeah yeah I'm afraid that it's funny that yeah there are but I have to do codes they have some in
01:18:28
there you put on people under different names yeah I'll put Natron X Y because
01:18:33
I'll just think to myself that this huge celebrity that's the thing Natron X yeah
01:18:39
and then out then years later I'll forget who Natron axes do you ever do you have a girl in your phone that's still in your phone from before kalila
01:18:45
and then she's still in your phone but you've changed your name do you have girls in your phone before kalila I do
01:18:51
from X's but do you use and you keep them in there yeah just kalila give a [ __ ] no she wouldn't care at all no
01:18:57
because I don't call them what if they called you they do they one of them called me the other day like crying about what about how her career is not
01:19:05
going well did you do anything to help her no I give her like affirmations you
01:19:12
reinforcer no I'll just go this is what you need to do kind of stuff can you say who it is no can I guess no you'll never
01:19:19
guess and I want to get into that she'd probably listen to this and she'll be very sad I'm gonna guess who I'm gonna
01:19:25
guess go ahead Kathy Griffin no these are women I dated okay I never dated
01:19:30
Kathy Griffin now what I heard I went to her house once I never [ __ ] her mm-hmm no I went to a Christmas party once
01:19:37
mm-hmm no no no them she unwrapped a little gift didn't she she and wrapped a little selfie is an angry [ __ ] you know
01:19:43
that yeah she does what are we doing on time we're good are we at
01:19:52
for everyone listening at home all this dead space we're watching Jorge try to do math what yes some of that stuff
01:20:03
we're gonna have to cut out also Bobby waving a gun at me I can't [ __ ] believe you know I know don't don't
01:20:10
don't Bobby don't don't shoot it you [ __ ] expensive [ __ ] in here you know what my [ __ ] you know what
01:20:15
you know I could I shoot the screen the TV yeah let's see what happens it'll
01:20:21
close your eyes close your eye turn around are you gonna do it yeah but that's it
01:20:27
that's my TV how much is it I don't know it doesn't matter it's a [ __ ] TV like what then we gotta go get a new alright
01:20:32
I kind of want you to do it now and I wonder but if you do I'm cool with it we
01:20:39
just have to go get one I'll go buy one now I'm a little bit so I get a better
01:20:44
one here's my only fear well I don't care about the TV it's a piece of [ __ ] TV but the cameras what if it hits one
01:20:50
of the cameras the odds the if I look at the Rick it bounces the balls going to
01:20:56
bounce everywhere let me odds of it shoot your hat again
01:21:02
yeah it's gonna ricochet a minute Amy here okay if I aim it like this it'll
01:21:07
hit the George in the face and I'm not gonna do it dude if you do it thank you
01:21:13
I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it yeah really
01:21:19
I'm gonna do it you know have the balls I don't know I don't have the balls to shoot my own TV I are [ __ ] oh my god
01:21:29
dude I'm so scared you're a [ __ ] you're weak right that's what it is I honestly
01:21:36
yeah I don't need to do this podcast me neither but if they shoot me with that this is it this is it the last one we do
01:21:42
you're right okay say good night then take out your penis let me shoot your penis no I would never shoot you hold
01:21:51
out your hat though can I shoot your head oh no no shoot the screen or nothing I don't want to shoot the [ __ ] TV then we're gonna get a new TV
01:21:56
a week that's it be a man Bobby in life
01:22:03
this is for showbiz this is for entertainment purposes it's gonna ricochet and bounce off and hurt
01:22:09
I'm gonna turn around and close my
01:22:17
computer all right ready yeah three two no signal one oh right in the
01:22:25
middle always [ __ ] you did break it and
01:22:30
it says no signal by the way a ricochet didn't hit me run in the shoulder no really I swear to God it don't look it
01:22:37
did hurt it did break it oh I'm so sorry that's all right how did you do with it
01:22:43
you [ __ ] said - I was kidding what would you do that was kind of fun it was fun uh something invigorating about that
01:22:50
yeah yeah okay anyway thanks for listening no no we have to do we have to close the regular way come on look at the camera sit down oh yeah look at the
01:22:57
camera and we say thank you for being a bad friend on three in the main camera ready one two three thank you for being
01:23:05
a bad friend thank you as well to our sponsors manscape better help and Buffy get 20% off in free shipping with the
01:23:11
code bad friend manscape calm your balls will thank to start communicating with a licensed therapist and under 24 hours
01:23:18
and get the SPECIAL bad friends offer of 10% off your first month go to better help calm slash bad friends for $20 off
01:23:27
your puffy bedding visit Buffy CEO and enter code bad friends that's right [Music]
