00:00:00
Hey bad friends, come see me live. I am running around the country. I'm going to be in uh San Francisco at the punch line
00:00:06
uh at the end of October, Halloween weekend. Then I'm in Brea, Brea, come out and see me. Brea, California,
00:00:11
November. Tempe improv, returning to Arizona State. I'm in Hammond, Indiana in November around Thanksgiving. Uh
00:00:16
Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City, New Jersey. Uh and then Valley Center uh with the Hera's down there in Southern California by San Diego. And then also
00:00:28
Canyonville, Oregon in February. And then finally, Win Casino. I'm at the Win in Las Vegas in March. Come see me at
00:00:34
the Win in Las Vegas, baby. Andrewantino.com for those tickets. Andrewantino.com. You two are bad friends.
00:00:41
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends.
00:00:51
I went to the doctor last night. I know. What happened though? Two nights ago. Well, I saw it close up. Is your wife beating you? Are you okay?
00:00:57
Blink twice. Of all people that talk about their wife beating them. You're You're the biggest I've ever met. You're king. You're You get pegged every night.
00:01:09
I want to. No. That's what they all say. It's sexual assault every night, dude. No. You know what it a tear. So, we guessed what this was in my eye. My eye got worse. It's called bleitis.
00:01:21
Bletheritis. How do you get it? Infection of the gland within the eye. Could have been like dirt or whatever. got up in my eye. Yeah.
00:01:27
And then Bobby touched you. Bobby touched you. You're He's on one today. You want to fight today? Yeah, I did. You were.
00:01:33
I missed you. Yeah. He said something to me earlier. I had to physically assault him. What' he say? It was something about
00:01:38
Ah, yeah. Yeah. You got a lot of nerve, dude. You got a lot of nerve, dude. I went into the urgent care. Urgent care took two no less than two and a half,
00:01:44
three hours to even get in. And the woman gets in and goes, "Uh, who poked you in the eye?" Really?
00:01:50
And I said, "Life." And she goes, "Oh, that's a good one." And she goes, "This looks infected. It actually looked
00:01:55
pretty bad. Um, we should get this uh medic here. This is the worst part when you go to a doctor. She goes, "We're
00:02:00
going to get you eye drops. You have to do two every four hours. Two in your eye, right? And antibiotics, just general amoxicil or whatever."
00:02:07
I go, "Great. It should knock it right out, right?" Like, I've had sty or whatever before. She goes, "Yeah, we don't want it to spread." And I was
00:02:13
like, why would you say that? Well, if it spreads, it can go to your brain. Whoa. And you can die. Whoa. Oh, you know what they say too is if you the the this triangle of your
00:02:26
face when you get acne and if you pop it you could die too. What? Yeah. Where? It's called the triangle of face
00:02:31
sadness. Oh, I saw that movie. Yeah. No, but I'm saying that they're saying that if you pop the [ __ ]
00:02:39
they the internet, dude. Yeah, the internet. Yeah, my Dr. Reddit. Dr. Reddit said this. No, it What is the danger?
00:02:45
What would I just say? Danger triangle face. You shouldn't pop a pimple on the danger triangle on your nose.
00:02:50
On my nose? Why uh why is it so dangerous? Think of the small segment of your face as a direct line to your brain.
00:02:56
So through this sinus blood's drained from your brain and infection in the in a danger triangle like pick from a
00:03:01
pimple nose piercing gone wrong. Uh possibility of a facial infection to become an infection that impacts the
00:03:06
rest of your body. Can it really kill you? Don't panic. You're probably not going to die from popping a pimple on your nose, but technically speaking, it's impossible. It's possible.
00:03:14
It's possible technically you could get a brain abscess, brain infection. Wow, this is real. Okay, so this thing in my eye though, she was like, "Yeah, no, it's okay." But I mean, you know, could if it spreads to your brain, you
00:03:25
could die. And I was like, I what? What? Why would you say that? Well, the possibilities. I didn't want to know. Doctors aren't
00:03:32
supposed to give you the possibilities. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I'm the doctor. Yeah. Hey, uh, Dr. Lee. Yes.
00:03:39
Hello. Your eye. We looked at your eye. Yeah. What happened with my eye? You could die.
00:03:45
I My eye. I could die. You could die. You could also go blind from bleitis. Yeah. Freddy Mercury.
00:03:50
That's what he had. Yeah. He had some something in his eye. Really? Yeah. Why did I go to a doctor behind this
00:03:55
gas? Listen to me. I'm a doctor. Okay. All right. You're Mr. Doctor. Chevron. Oh, yeah. Welcome to my Chevron station.
00:04:02
You know what I mean? Chevron office. Oh, thank you. Okay. What race do you think that was? Sudin.
00:04:09
No. What? What do you think? Bangladesh. Yeah. East Ethiopia. Oh, East. I was doing East Ethiopia, dude. Yeah.
00:04:16
Yeah. Look up gas station robberies now in Sherman Oaks. Big thing in the valley here. They're robbing people at gas stations. I'm not going anymore. I'm not
00:04:23
getting gas. I'm just running out and then I calla. They gunbuted that guy. Some guy had
00:04:30
like a a Rolex or something on and they gunbuted him. Then it just happened another week ago. Some guy he got out of his car, gunbutted him. They're just
00:04:36
robbing people at gas station. What's a gunbutt? What's a gunbutt? Yeah. Yeah. They hit that they hit you in the face with it. Oh, the butt of the gun. And let me say this. Let me say this to a thief.
00:04:48
Yeah. Just shoot me. Don't gun butt me in the head. I don't want to [ __ ] Just kill me. Shoot me, baby.
00:04:55
Are gun butts? They'll knock you out. The butt of a gun is heavy. They're hitting you in the face with a gun. And what are they taking? Your car?
00:05:01
Anything. They've taken car, jewelry, clothes, cash, clothes. They left a man naked in van.
00:05:06
That's why when I pump gas. Don't pump gas. I have a lighter. You do. And I have the [ __ ] thing, dude.
00:05:12
Right. Gun butt me, dude. Right. You you Vietnam monk. Remember those Buddhist monks of Vietnam? That's what's going to happen. Yeah. Light the whole place up. You're going to light you're going to be lit on fire, dog. M. And also, there's nothing to steal
00:05:23
except for my wallet. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Or your car. They can steal your car. That's Bobby. Gun butt me, dog.
00:05:30
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also Dude, you know what's so awful? What if that was an accident? He was just trying to get gas for that
00:05:36
guy's car that ran out. Yeah. Gas. [ __ ] You know, my question is is that like, you know, you know why they did that? It
00:05:43
was for it. Well, it was a peaceful protest, right? No, they're protesting the oppressive Saigon regime.
00:05:48
It's a protest, right? Whatever happened to make just making a sign. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like protest.
00:05:54
That's a little too far for me. Make a sign. Yeah. Yeah. Like stop Buddhist hate. That That'd be me. Other people are
00:06:01
lighting themselves on fire. I stop Buddhist hate right here with a sign. Like that's Don't you think that's
00:06:06
extreme? That's Don't Do I think that's extreme? Yeah, dude. A little bit. The guy lit himself on fire. Like I'm a Vietnamese monk. You're a
00:06:11
Vietnamese monk, right? Yeah. I go, we got to oppress this. We have we have to Saigon regime. What do you think we should do, Tony?
00:06:18
Yell in the street. No, no, that's too to not going to do much. Okay. What else do you think we should do?
00:06:25
Get our friends together to bond together to create a community of people. I have an idea. What?
00:06:30
We should have a fight. No. No. Extreme forms of of uh protest encompass violent tactics, terrorism, welfare, vandalism, extreme nonviolent. Great album cover though. Rage Against
00:06:41
the Machine, first album. One of the greatest great album. They got a lot of flack for that. Didn't they get a lot of flack for that?
00:06:46
Album covers that got flak. I You know what? Interesting topic cuz McCone, you and I were talking the other day about
00:06:53
um Push A's famous album with a picture of Whitney Houston's dying hotel room, Daytona. Did you ever see this? No, I want to see it. They had a photo on the cover of this wonderful album by Push A T and that is
00:07:05
the photograph of Whitney Houston's hotel room when she was found dead. And I Oh my god, dude. And there's bottles of whiskey and vodka. And then whenever there's tin
00:07:17
foil, you know, tin foil is no good. Why? People smoke crack out of tin foil. Okay. I put my bubble gum in there.
00:07:24
You Yeah. Don't make a You know what, Andrew? Don't make assumptions. You're right. I'm a Yeah. The tinfoil is there for for
00:07:30
various reasons. You said I was a good detective. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the Beatles yesterday and today, right? Another controversial album
00:07:36
cover. Do you know why this was controversial? Because there's baby's heads and stuff. No, cuz look who's in the back.
00:07:43
It's three in the front and one in the back. Ah, little rude. A little rude. Very odd to put him in the back, by the way. Yeah. Why? Why' they do that? Aesthetics. Composition.
00:07:54
Aesthetics. Composition. What's your What's your favorite album? Athetics. Composition. Aesthetics. Composition. What's my favorite album of
00:08:02
all time? No. Album cover. Oh, I I'll tell you mine. Go. Captain Beef Hart Trout Mask Replica.
00:08:12
Look it up, dude. Captain Beef Hart, Trout Mask Replica. Yeah. Sounds like one of those Mad Libs.
00:08:21
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's pretty cool. I love that one. That's good. I was going to give you something like Blood Sugar Sex Magic. Okay. I think I like Blood Sugar Sex Magic
00:08:31
from Chili Pepper so much because it was also like a time in my youth. It was like something about the time of like
00:08:37
the sexiness of the album cover. I don't know why I liked it so much as a kid, but I loved that. It's like lick. They're all tongue licking of of like I don't know why I
00:08:48
thought that was badass. No, I liked Mother's Milk because there was a titty on it. That one was great, too. Same thing. Another Chili Peppers. Yeah,
00:08:59
dude. That was a poster. You go over to you over to some kid's house named Ryan and he was like, "See my new [ __ ]
00:09:06
poster." Dude, can I tell you this? My mom's livid about it, dude. My dad was like, "Hang it up."
00:09:11
Can I tell you what just happened with me and Anthony Ketus? Yeah. So, um I've never talked about this
00:09:18
though. Um for some reason, this is 20 years ago. Keas Chris Rock was in the main room and Keas saw me. Wow. Right. Cool. And then Keas was came up to me goes,
00:09:28
"Oh, you're really funny. This and that." Right. So then Kas would go around town just to watch my sets,
00:09:34
right? Like following you. Yeah. Same night or many nights? No, just throughout the months. Wow.
00:09:40
We're being very friendly. I got his number, the whole thing. Right. And then and then all of a sudden one day I do this show in at at El Sid,
00:09:48
right? Yeah. He brought the whole band out there to come see you. Yeah. Wow. They were in the front row. I bombed so
00:09:56
hard. Is that there? Is that No. No. This is way years later. I bomb him so hard that he didn't talk to me
00:10:02
for like 10 years after that, right? I'm not kidding you. It was night and day. Like I ate it that hard. No way. Oh, no. It was I still remember the show. I remember their faces. There was
00:10:15
nothing I could do. I didn't have the skill set to dig me out of this hole. Okay. Yeah. And then he just recently goes because
00:10:21
you know he has a um a a music observatory like thing that he does with Flea. Yeah. and they do a um a yearly um benefit show and they asked me to host
00:10:32
it and I can't because of Irvine and I was I almost cancelled Irvine to do it. Yeah, that's
00:10:37
Would you? No. Host a benefit show? Yeah. You're going to tank at that too. He's going to see you tank 20 years later.
00:10:44
Benefit shows suck. They're so hard to do well at cuz people are kind of uncomfortable and they're there like and they're stiff and they're dressed up.
00:10:50
It's not like a relaxed atmosphere. I mean, we like doing benefits but stand up. No. I'd rather just show up, give
00:10:56
you money, and be a part of the thing. Yeah, but you would have done it if you didn't have something to do. I don't know, man. I don't like doing
00:11:01
those things. They give me the bomb. You bomb hard. You bomb. You eat [ __ ] at those things. Nobody wants stand up at a B. They're
00:11:07
like, we're raising money for sick kids um who have cancer of the brain. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Lee, it's [ __ ]
00:11:14
impossible to do well. You bomb at I can't I just It's bad. What's your opening line? What's up everybody? What's eating you?
00:11:23
God, dude. Let me tell you guys what's on my mind. You can get ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Step right on that. Also,
00:11:30
step right on it. What was it? What was it? I said, I want to tell you guys what's on my mind.
00:11:36
God. Oh, [ __ ] After every punch line, I go, "Think about it. Think about it." Yeah. Yeah. All right. Rain it in. Let's ring it. Yeah. But by the way, after after you ate [ __ ] he made Stadium Arcadium. So, was that your
00:11:50
fault? Right. Sorry, dude. Have you ever bombed in front of like a someone that you didn't want to bomb in
00:11:55
front of? Famous people. Yeah. I mean, I bombed in front of Rock pretty pretty pretty horrifically at the store
00:12:01
in the O and I think from that he's never really taken me serious cuz he sat in the bucket seats. He was staying at
00:12:06
the hotel nearby, came over. Sometimes he stays in LA and just doesn't do a spot. Yeah. He'll just come by. He's so nice.
00:12:12
He was in the bucket seats and he watched me. I mean, torrential. It it was like it was it it it was so
00:12:20
[ __ ] bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I brought on Fahhem or someone afterwards and I'm sure Fhem [ __ ]
00:12:25
crushed cuz he always does. And I just was working out new [ __ ] in the O and it was late night. Dude, did you Wait, did you know he was there?
00:12:31
I saw him. So before you knew he was there? Yeah, it drove me nuts. No, no, this is what you do then. You sat down and I was like, "Fuck."
00:12:38
Then you go, "I have to kill. Don't do the new stuff. I have to kill." It was 11:45. It was like a late spot
00:12:44
and I was like, "Fuck it." I was just trying new [ __ ] Bobby. Are there famous people every time you perform?
00:12:50
What do you mean? Is that why you don't do new material? Oh, this guy. Okay. Is he looking for a fight, dude? Yeah. Give it to him. No, give it to him.
00:13:00
I have some things I could say, but say it. No, I'm not. Say it. No. No. It's dark stuff. I know some
00:13:06
dark stuff and I'm not going to do it cuz you like to go personal. Yeah, he really does dig deep. I have so many new jokes. Watch.
00:13:13
I know. It is good. I told you that last time you left. Then why would you use say the joke? Cuz you didn't roll down the window or
00:13:18
acknowledge me. My point being is this, okay? That I'm doing everything I can to come out with
00:13:23
new stuff. I'm taking risks on stage. And for for McCone to say that joke again is it's really hurtful and rude.
00:13:30
You're talking to one of the top 25 working comics today. Okay. 100. Top of 25 thousand. I Yeah, we saw this whole thing. And let me let me clear the air real fast. Let
00:13:41
me say something genuine about this. Theo Vaughn is someone we've known for a long long time.
00:13:46
I can't right now. I just want to I want to say my piece. I hope he's okay. I just texted He texted me yesterday. I know. I texted him too, but I'm saying like I texted him. That doesn't mean [ __ ] He's going through something very
00:13:58
deep on stage. You know, that clip is gross of him saying, "I'm trying not to take my own life." And I think people think that was like a bit and I he's
00:14:05
really in a dark place. So I we wish him the the greatest. And I was texting with a lot of other comics because I think
00:14:11
it's a Yo, I know there's a comedy show. I just I'll wrap it up real fast. I'm just saying I think people don't know I
00:14:16
know I I think people don't know that we some of us suffer from actual real clinical [ __ ] And I have I have
00:14:23
clinical depression. I have very dark days. You guys You guys have lived through my [ __ ]
00:14:28
He's got it very bad. I'm sorry, but I think [ __ ] people just think you're a clown and you're like, you're not a
00:14:34
human. Well, he's a [ __ ] human. So, my heart goes out to the guy because I know he's struggling a lot. So, we love
00:14:40
him. I really do. Oh, sorry. Sorry to be [ __ ] honest for three seconds on the show. What do you
00:14:46
No, no. What do you want to do? Another Filipino accent. Huh? East Ethiopian. Welcome to Chevro. Whatever. Can I I'll just say my Okay. So, um,
00:15:03
we, the reason why I love Theo so much is that I have the same exact sensitivities and vulnerabilities as he
00:15:10
has. We have the same kind of issues. Yeah. Mentally, you know, um, and when I see when I saw that clip, it was heartbreaking. It it was so
00:15:21
heartbreaking because I understood where he was at and I um I reached out to him
00:15:28
and I all I can do as a friend is say I'm here 24/7. I'm just available and um I'm really concerned for him. I mean I you know he you know he seems to be fine
00:15:39
but I'm still very concerned for him. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's a it's a very difficult
00:15:44
thing to to survive mental health issues in this kind of environment cuz it's so [ __ ]
00:15:51
hostile out there. Particularly when it's wrapped in fame and success. I know people are like crime me a river rich guy but like he's
00:15:57
very successful and he's so famous and that does a thing to you. It's like inundation of attention. And so it it it
00:16:04
it really distorts your sensibility sometimes when you're as, you know, kind of popular and wanted and everyone's
00:16:10
around you and they want something, they need something. And I don't think people understand that and they never and that's okay. Also, people don't understand that he is
00:16:17
such a kind, soft, sensitive kind of a guy. Yeah. He has to But we all he's so mindful about his feelings and
00:16:25
about people around him. He's just a I just care so much about him. And um you read things about your friends and and and you just want to say you got it wrong, buddy. You know, it's like not
00:16:38
him, you know, and it's like people say things about me, you this and that. And I I get it. You know, it's And
00:16:45
it's just a double-edged sword. Yeah. And you love the internet swords. I love swords. Yes.
00:16:51
You're a big sword guy. I'm a sword guy. Katanas especially. You know what I I did get on a big kick of watching Japanese guys sharpen swords
00:16:58
enough to drop a blade through um a pineapple. I sat for hours on the internet watching this guy sharpen a
00:17:03
blade so he could drop it clean through a pineapple. Okay, I feel like I can do that. No, you [ __ ] can't.
00:17:08
Drop a sword onto a pineapple. Patience. You have the patience to shave that to a fine point. You do not have that.
00:17:13
What do you mean even by by you saying this? He literally would hold the handle and hold the blade and then drop the blade and hold the handle with his fingertips.
00:17:20
You can edit. He doesn't edit. You can edit. You could do it 10,000 times until you get it. I can do a
00:17:26
cartwheel wheel. I could do a cartwheel. Bicycle. Do one. Oh, what is a cartwheel? Show me and I'll do it. Entrance on Letterman. Do it. That's one of my favorite entrances of all time.
00:17:38
Chris Farley, everybody. Look at him. Yes. Look at how perfect. It's so Yeah. I can't do it that way. That was insane. By the way, he tried to do three. Watch. Go back. He bailed on the third. Yeah.
00:17:50
God, this guy was the king of [ __ ] comedy. Go all the way back. Go all the way back. Go all the way back so we can see it from a fresh.
00:17:57
One, two, watch. Go. Three. And he's like, "Oh [ __ ] God, Farley's the man." Oh my god, dude. He was so good. I know. He was so good.
00:18:09
Going over to Spade's house and seeing that jacket, the fat guy in a little coat jacket. Yeah. Oh my god. And then he falls off the back of the
00:18:14
chair. I mean that jacket I told Spade I was like I I I know you'd never sell that but I mean good god I'd pay so much money to if he if he was still alive we would probably know him.
00:18:25
Do you think or not? I don't know if he'd know us but I mean if he was still alive he'd be the most famous comedian in the world.
00:18:30
Yeah. I mean you would still probably he could be at Spades House one day and you could say hi. Yeah. That's how we could see him at
00:18:35
Spades House. But also he probably wouldn't Yeah. What? I don't No, I just, you know, when you're in that what he was, as big as he was and as much as he was in it, it was almost like what's the other side of
00:18:46
that look like when he gets clean, you know, you probably go away from comedy, you get clean and you level out,
00:18:52
right? Cuz it was so much. He'd be on it. No, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. He'd be You and him would be doing Oz
00:18:57
commercials together. Jose, look at the lineup. Tommy Boy, Beverly Hills Ninja, Black Sheep,
00:19:03
Coneheads, Almost Heroes, Wayne's World, Airheads, Wayne's World 2. God, dude, the guy was literally just getting started. And as we know, Shrek, the original voice of Shrek, we talked about it on the show before.
00:19:14
Oh, so he didn't do cuz at one point you you tried to go serious. He didn't do like a serious role.
00:19:20
Uh, no. The only role that But eventually he would have, you know what I mean? Totally. Like the whale too.
00:19:27
Super whale. The blue whale. What? Okay. God rest the dead. I'm sorry. That was mean. God.
00:19:39
What? Too soon? No, it was good. Okay. But even like John Candy did JFK and he was great in that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. John Candy showed moments of brilliance in every comedic role, but he did
00:19:50
serious stuff all the time. The difference was Farley had soft, fun, sweet moments. Nothing like Candy.
00:19:57
Candy and Uncle Buck, Candy and Plains Trains, Candy and [ __ ] Candy in Home Alone,
00:20:04
dude. The guy, he showed moments of like unbelievable cool runningings. A movie that was such a wacky. He was sweet in that. Yeah. One of the greatest.
00:20:15
One of the greatest. One of the greatest. He him John Candy John Goodman to me like when I was a kid
00:20:20
were two of like the coolest funny guys. And Goodman wasn't your traditional comedic actor, but he was so funny.
00:20:26
Yeah. Like King Ralph is one of the best movies I think I've ever seen. Conceptually, I don't know why we haven't done that again.
00:20:32
Why haven't we done King Ralph again where a [ __ ] regular Midwest like bluecollar guy inherits the keys to the
00:20:40
royal kingdom? Isn't that a genius concept? Your your great uncle left you the keys to the
00:20:46
kingdom. Yeah. Is that not even listed on his filmography? King Ralph. I remember as a kid watching Stripes.
00:20:52
I know he wasn't in that love, but those movies. This movie was so good. Which one? King Ralph.
00:20:57
I never saw King Ralph. Oh, dude. It's so [ __ ] good. Who's in it? John Goodman. What? John Goodman. Peter, we went from how how did we go from candy to Goodman? I said these two guys were kind of
00:21:09
comedic heroes when I was a kid. I don't remember. I didn't see that transition. Listen to a word I'm saying. I was trying to think. I'll tell Can I
00:21:16
tell you why? I'll tell you what just happened. You disconnected. I disconnect. Somebody picked up the phone and the
00:21:21
internet cut out. Yeah. Mom, I'm on the [ __ ] No, I was I was trying to think of the movie Stripes. So, while you were
00:21:28
talking about the whole thing about Goodman, I was like not even listening. I was like, "What is that movie?" You never listen to me.
00:21:34
Of course I do. We go bing bang bang bang bang. When's my birthday? October 6th. No,
00:21:41
don't look at your phone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not October 6th. No, it's got to be October 6th, dude.
00:21:47
It's not October 16th. [ __ ] 10 days. But I I knew it was six in. Yeah, that was true.
00:21:53
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00:22:09
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Bad friends. Let's take old movies like that and see some of the new comics that could fill
00:25:26
those shoes. Okay. It's very interesting. Three amigos. Oh my god. Uh me, you. No. Okay, you're right. I mean, wouldn't it wouldn't I'd like to put us in something because I can't get any work.
00:25:38
I know. Me neither. But um Can I get some [ __ ] work? But they would they would imagine a studio. You and I could do Planes Strange
00:25:44
Automobiles and it would be [ __ ] amazing. That'd be amazing. I mean, how much more am I Steve Martin
00:25:49
to his John Candy? I mean, genuinely. Yeah. We'd have to get you off the Empic though. I have to gain weight. You'd have to gain weight to make it
00:25:55
funny. But don't you think a studio would be like, "Okay, three amigos. Let's go to Sedakas first. Let's go to these kind of people first." Or no. Yeah, but that's [ __ ] boring. That's
00:26:01
not a shot at him. That's what they would do. Give me someone. We're making our world. I'm just saying from a studio exact now.
00:26:08
Yeah, from a studio exemp I would be like uh Santino or Sedakez. Probably Sedakas. All right, let me say this.
00:26:13
Our ecosystem. Our ecosystem that we're talking about. We have friends that we know. All right, so here we go. Three amigos.
00:26:18
Well, you're obviously the you're obviously the Chvy Chase part and [ __ ] I mean that would what I would want. Yeah. Who's Steve Martin then?
00:26:25
Steve Martin would be Nate Batsi. Perfect. Yeah. And then you are Little Netty Needleander. No, there's no way they would pick me. It's for ask. Who are you talking about?
00:26:37
We're casting this movie. No. No. I'm going to be the bar contender. Freddy Asparagus is part Freddy asparagus. Yeah. Yeah.
00:26:43
Hey, smile. Smile. Yeah. Smile. Smile. Who would be Who would be Little Netty Needleander?
00:26:50
Oh yeah. Who would be that? Martin Short. Netty Needleander. Who would be him? I want to be Dusty Bottom so bad.
00:26:55
That's a tough That's a tough And who would be Patrice Martinez? the one of the the first girl that he falls in love with that Steve falls in love
00:27:00
with. Who would be her? Oh [ __ ] Uh, you know, Angela Johnson. Angela Johnson. No, I'm trying to think of a Yeah, it's got to be like uh who's the most famous
00:27:12
uh Latino comedian? Angela Johnson. Oh, Sophia Nino D. Rivera. What? Annabelle Ferrer. I mean, I don't know any of these. I mean, fancy. Shouldn't
00:27:24
you know Sophia Nino de Rivera? Shut up. It's so annoying. Wow. Yeah, it'll be her. Have her on the show. Hey, is this hurricane gonna hit Florida or is this
00:27:36
[ __ ] Let's [ __ ] Dude, more hurricanes. Remember that? When we were kids, I feel like it happened all the time.
00:27:42
Hurricane. What is that? Emldda. Forecasters are monitoring hurricane Emldda, which is Am I saying that right?
00:27:48
Emldda. Why do you think they name it names like that? And it goes in alphabetical order. Hurricanes are given names to improve
00:27:54
public and professional communication, making storms easier to identify, track, and discuss. Especially when multiple storms are active, right? Because
00:28:00
they've got sometimes there's three hurricanes going on at the same time. I like when they combined. Oh, when they hook up.
00:28:05
Oh, that's my favorite. When they hook up. Yeah. Yeah. When they don't know and then when they combine and they're bigger, they're a horror orgy.
00:28:10
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the hory that's a movie where like six come into one or you have two natural events happen
00:28:17
earthquake and so two two hurricanes that meet you know and then an earthquake in the ocean
00:28:24
love which causes a tsunami just it just happens and there's a tornado sweeping through
00:28:29
the Midwest fires on the west coast yeah and then it just happens at one place and then we all die
00:28:35
no just it'll happen in rapture rapture what What happened to the rapture? What happened to the rapture? What happened to the rapture? Excuse me. Yeah. Excuse me. What happened to the rapture?
00:28:48
What happened though? Did anyone It said it's back on. Was anyone raptured? Here's a new date the Christians believe in.
00:28:53
Oh, there's a new one. Fig the wrong date. Wait, it was two weeks ago, right? Yeah. What day was the rapture? I don't know. But it was a Tuesday, I think.
00:28:58
Well, let's see. Go down. Let's see. Rapture 2025 prophecy may be expected to occur on the 23rd or 24th.
00:29:04
That's right. It didn't happen. Failed to materialize. Yeah. An anti-limax led to dismiss it as a long line of unfulfilled doomsday claims.
00:29:10
However, some believers say it's still coming. South African pastor Joshua Michaela who has well I mean that's I didn't need to Joshua. I don't know how to say it. It says it's like maka.
00:29:22
You know what I did on the 23rd? I was waiting for the rapture. I was in my backyard completely naked. Do you know
00:29:27
why I was naked? Why? Because when when you have your clothes on it leaves where you left.
00:29:34
I want that to be a mystery. Right. Where does Where's Bobby? Yeah. Where's Bobby? I don't want them to know where I You know what I mean? I
00:29:40
feel like if I was raptured, no one would believe it. I mean, people would think Bob, you're on one. People like, "He relapsed. He's
00:29:46
on one. He's out there." Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that like if people were right. And how stupid would I be? I'd be like, "You guys don't get it. He was
00:29:51
raptured." And they're like, "Okay, dude. Where is he?" Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you were raptured, do you think people would believe it? For sure. I'm rapturable, too.
00:29:58
I don't think you're rapturable, dude. Come on, dude. I keep tempted the rapture. I think I'm getting Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, who would I don't know,
00:30:04
dude? I'm not rapturable. I don't think Well, I I don't think so. If I If I'm not rapturable, you're not rapturable.
00:30:10
Well, you're Okay, fine. A person raptured is according to some Christian beliefs when they're a true believer in Jesus Christ.
00:30:15
Okay, that that I believe in Jesus. Now you don't. Oh, damn it. Is that the prerequisite?
00:30:22
Say it again. Is that the prerequisite? I love that. I love And you did it good on that second one.
00:30:28
Is that not how I say it? That is a prerequisite to being raptured. You must believe. But okay, what if I have all the other ones, but
00:30:34
except for that one? Well, you got to talk to the guy. Imagine he gets up to [ __ ] You know
00:30:40
what I mean? He gets up. What? What are the conditions about rapture? Can you have that? I think it's just that you got to
00:30:45
believe. That's the only thing. That's it. You got to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in your heart. I just did it.
00:30:50
Seriously? Yeah. I just did it, dude. Well, you're going to get raptured, but Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I don't think you believe that. Oh, wait. No, there's a
00:30:56
few. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me the few. Give Wait, hold on. But imagine we all get raptured and we're waiting in line and and Jesus is like, "Why is Bobby
00:31:04
naked? We all have clothes on." He's like, I'm just like, and one of the apostles is like, that's a bit he does from his show.
00:31:16
Yeah. And he's like, Jesus, he's going to give you a pube shot when he receive Jesus Christ. You receive the fundamental steps to believing in Jesus Christ. Accept him as your Lord and Savior and repent for your sins. Read
00:31:27
and study the Bible. No, you don't. Pray and confess. You do. Live a faithful life. You do. Join a healthy church. You
00:31:33
don't. Be patient and endure. You do. Is that it? Just six. Mhm. Yeah. No. Yeah.
00:31:39
Yeah. So, understand the event. Know it's coming. So, we got to get you to a church is really what it is. Now, so you do you pray and repent?
00:31:48
I I pray. I pray too. Yeah, I pray a lot. Pray for people. I pray for the show that fancy
00:31:55
gets replaced. What else do you do? I I've never seen you go to church. You don't talk to God? I've never seen you go to a church.
00:32:01
What do you mean I do? I go to church every Sunday. That's why we can't do the show on Sunday mornings. Do you really go to church every Sunday
00:32:07
morning? Have I missed How many Sundays have I missed? Mone. Mone knows. I mean, none. Sometimes he comes and watches the dog.
00:32:13
Are you kidding me, dude? You go to church every Sunday? What? What do you Okay. Okay. Stop.
00:32:18
Not if we're on the road. Stop. Stop for a second. Yeah. We can't the road cuz I don't want to go. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop for a second.
00:32:23
Okay. May I speak? Please. Okay. That says a lot about our relationship. Why? Cuz you've never invited me and you don't want me to be saved. Do you know church is at 8 a.m.? Right.
00:32:37
It doesn't matter. You don't want at least one time like, "Hey, hey, bud. You want to go?" Do you think you could get up at 8 to go
00:32:44
to church? For real? I went genuinely. I go up on Sunday mornings and I go to Third and Gardener, which is an early AA
00:32:49
meeting. I go to that. That's at 10:30, you said. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You want to go 2 and 1 half hours? But you think I sleep? You think I sleep
00:32:55
when I go to Third and Garden? No. I stay up all night. Well, that's not good. No, that's my point. I would go if you
00:33:01
try to save me, but you don't want me to go. You don't want me to go to heaven? I want you to go to heaven. Yeah, but then why wouldn't you invite me?
00:33:06
Okay, look. You don't want me saved. I want That's [ __ ] up. I want you to go to heaven, but I do think I've already put in a couple of
00:33:12
requests and they've been denied. It's invite only. What do you mean request from Jesus? It's like Rya. Like you can get in, but it's like you got to have a few people
00:33:24
to vouch for you. And also, if you violate, you've been banned. Yeah. You got banned from heaven, but
00:33:31
but honestly, if you wait a couple weeks, I they'll lift the ban. Can I come with me?
00:33:36
What's the church called? I'm not telling it on the [ __ ] Okay. You want to come? Yeah, let's go.
00:33:42
And what do you wear? Adashiki. What do you mean you wear street clothes? Oh, really? Wear whatever you want. There's no rules to church. That's old school [ __ ] That's old
00:33:53
[ __ ] fuddy duddy. It's honestly it's I'm so shocked that you go to church. But you can't wear shorts.
00:34:00
Have you ever seen Jesus don't like knees? Have you ever seen me wear shorts? Yeah. Not really.
00:34:05
Yeah, exactly. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you No, that's not true. On on a beach? Yes.
00:34:10
We've gone swimming together and I've seen you in shorts. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you've seen me. Yeah, I've seen your little thong.
00:34:15
Yeah. Cute. Those little black things we wore. Black thongs. Dude, they were so funny.
00:34:20
Yeah, that's sexy. That's an album cover. What is that? It's for the Brea. Oh, a flyer for Brea.
00:34:27
Pretty good. God, the kid's got a much better body now. I got to tell you, you should re-shoot that photo now. You should re-shoot some of those old
00:34:34
like like nudie photos and see what you look like now. God, look at how young the kid is.
00:34:39
Oh my god, look at how young I am. We want you to be saved. I want you to be saved and the fans want you to be saved and I believe you can do it. Yeah,
00:34:46
I want to go. I want I that rapture talk was really scary and I I just I just buddy I don't want behind it.
00:34:51
You're going to be saved. You know why? Because you have a good heart and a good soul. The number one rule I believe in all religions is um to try
00:34:59
to be a good person and you're a great person and that is your entry ticket to the uh the afterlife. Yeah, but I've giggled at a couple funerals before.
00:35:11
Funerals can be funny, but they've been in church. I've been gay. I've I've every time I'm in a funeral, I I do there's a laugh attack.
00:35:16
Well, yeah. Who said that? They're supposed to be sad. Yeah. Why Why is there Why are they sad? Like my brother and I were at um a
00:35:22
funeral once and um we heard a knock, right? Is it closed casket? Yeah, it was closed casset, but we heard like that, right? And I looked at my
00:35:34
brother and we just collapsed on the ground. So funny. Started laughing. You know what I mean? It's funny. I know. But still, you're not supposed
00:35:40
to laugh. Do you ever have a laugh fit when you're not supposed to laugh when I'm uncomfortable? Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:46
Because you don't feel you don't know how to feel. Yeah. You know, like I learned something the other day that
00:35:51
this is this demorphous expression is the phenomenon of displaying two contradictory expressions or actions in
00:35:57
response to a single intense emotion such as crying when happy or feeling the urge to squeeze a cute object. Yeah.
00:36:02
Sometimes you feel so overwhelmed you do something you usually wouldn't. I laugh sometimes when I want to cry.
00:36:08
Yeah. You know, when feelings are too emotional for me. Dude, demorphous expression. I've never even heard of that before.
00:36:14
What's up, San Diego? We're Demorphous Expression. Just balling while they play.
00:36:21
Demorphous expression. That's a great such a good Or it's a great album. Yeah. Damorphous.
00:36:26
Yeah. Demorphous expression. I've literally never learned that. We're learning new [ __ ] Yeah. I had someone I someone I know
00:36:33
they had a they had someone in their family do um assisted suicide. Oh no. Which is kind of crazy. Well, because usually people that do it do it because they have a terminal illness and they're like, "Well, I don't want this to get
00:36:44
progressively worse. I want to say goodbye." But this is kind of a crazy story. The person like threw themselves a goodbye
00:36:51
party or whatever. You know, these living funerals is like a big thing that people do now. Yeah. But, uh, they kept pushing back
00:36:57
the date of the because they, you know, had a couple of like secondaries of like
00:37:04
maybe I don't want to let's let's move it back a little bit. What do you mean? Like they kept changing the date of the assisted suicide because they kind of
00:37:10
had a probably a few good weeks or something. Ah, it's [ __ ] up cuz don't you think after you do that you'd be like, "All right, I
00:37:15
don't want to do it." Yeah. If I bailed once I'm I I I'm out. I don't know if I could go through with it. Yeah. That's a dark thing.
00:37:21
It's crazy. I'm not It's just like it's it's hard. I don't know how to spin this, but yeah. Spin it. Spin it. Spin it.
00:37:26
Pretty dark. Spin it. You got it. I know it's in there. Yeah. I don't like physical pain.
00:37:32
You don't want to experience any physical pain? I I think once the physical pain is just even if morphine or any of these drugs
00:37:38
stop working. Yeah. I just I feel like I like I I'm going to move on. You ever had morphine?
00:37:45
Like when I was in Vietnam? Like a drip? Yeah. Like a drip on the field? Yeah. Like a drip?
00:37:50
Yeah. You've had a drip in a hospital? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, they gave me that [ __ ] when I had my torn ligaments in my leg.
00:37:57
Wow. Yum. It's unfucking real. You feel warm. I mean, oh, it's warm sunshine. Yeah. Makes me go heroin. Yes. Yes. Is that surprising why people are addicted to all these, you know, opiates?
00:38:08
No, of course not. Morphine drip. The is the continuous introvenous administration of the opioid pain medication. Morphine IV dog. Drip drip
00:38:16
drop. A drip drip drip with that drip drip drip. I got that drip. I got that drip drip drip. I got that drip. Just
00:38:21
two IVs in my arms. I got that drip drip drip. I'm just drooling. Wow. It does feel good, dude.
00:38:26
It does feel good. It's bad news bears. You know, when you get on it, you know, they're like, uh,
00:38:32
be careful cuz it's fun. You know what? I I think in the last five years of my life, when I'm 70, I
00:38:38
think I'm going to do it. 70? The last five? That's the What are you talking about? I think I'm 75. I'm done. You're living way past.
00:38:44
I'm 70. I I think I'm going to go, you know what? I'm going to liquidate everything and I'm just going to shoot heroin.
00:38:49
Please don't. Yeah. Yeah. or fentanyl. There's a new fentanyl. There's a superfentyl, right? But I think I'm just going to boom boom.
00:38:55
You can you can come over to my little apartment. I'll have I'm going to downsize. I'm going to Yeah. And I'm just going to drip my way
00:39:01
into heaven. Super fentanyl. There's a new fentanyl, dude. Super fentanyl. Carfentinyl. Extreme potency. Synthetic
00:39:07
opioid. Estimated be 100 times more potent than fentanyl. 10,000 times more potent than morphine.
00:39:12
Damn. It's on the streets now. Give that to me in the hospital, dog. They're like, "Andrew, you just have a paper cut." I'm like, "I need it."
00:39:19
who who took fentanyl was like, "Nah, it's not enough." You know what I mean? Well, probably because they're [ __ ]
00:39:25
used to it. They've they've uh their tolerance is too high. Do a little extra fentanyl then. No, that's not going to work. Listen to
00:39:30
Charlie G. Charlie Sheen was like, I was banging seven gram rocks. I was like, [ __ ] go. Yeah, he couldn't get enough.
00:39:36
That was the greatest documentary. We were talking about that for days, dude. It's so that documentary. What an what a life.
00:39:46
And the thing that got him sober was like incredible. Yeah. Happy he did. Sheen's aka Charlie Sheen. Did you see
00:39:53
Jason Baitman's new show Black Rabbit? Yeah. Everyone's talking about it. Very good. Yeah. It's very good. And Jude Law.
00:40:00
Yeah. Jude Law. So good. Yeah. And the the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie. Everyone's saying great. Lot people are saying it's good, but
00:40:05
I've seen a little bit of uh other sides. I've seen people say they don't like it. Yourself. Yeah. I'm going to
00:40:11
You want to go watch it? I'll go. Yeah. Let's do it this week. Let's go. Yeah. I'll Would you watch it again? I'm going to
00:40:17
go watch it again. Wow. Oh, you are? Cuz you have no life. I like going to movies. Are you dating anybody right now or are
00:40:23
you single? I'm single. You taking anybody out on dates? No, I like to go to movies by myself cuz I can get a better seat.
00:40:30
Yeah, I agree. I do like going to movies as well by myself. But you're not seeing anybody at all, huh? Every so often I'll go on a date, but I
00:40:36
don't know. You know, why don't you be honest? Cuz you talked to me that how badly you want to have love. You're like interested badly in love.
00:40:41
The problem is that people now watch the show. So, God fancy. Yeah. You know, I will get you back to Spain, Petty Van. Keep that vibe up. Yeah. I don't like watching movies with
00:40:53
somebody because I get influenced by them. Yeah. If they laugh or if they Yeah. Yeah. I'll be sitting next to somebody
00:40:58
like I was watching Superman with like three other people. My brother, Dumbfounded, and Jean.
00:41:03
And I'm watching it. I'm like, I'm trying to get into it. What's that combined IQ in that room? Sorry. I'm trying to get into it.
00:41:12
[ __ ] you, dude. That's in my friend group, dude. and family. What the [ __ ] Your brother dumbfounded.
00:41:18
Gene Hong is Yeah. He's get you over a hundred. Yeah. Yeah. And And I I turned to my brother and my
00:41:23
brother just goes, "Yeah." As soon as he did that, I was like, "Oh, it's bad." No, that's just And then it ruined the whole thing. I know. You know what I mean? Or like somebody will just be like with their eyes
00:41:34
closed. Yeah. Yeah. I took my dad to Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers sleeping,
00:41:39
dude. Cuz he had never seen the first one or the third one, right? Because the third one wasn't out.
00:41:47
And I just remember just opening my you know what going on right in the beginning just watch.
00:41:53
Yeah. And then like five minutes in he's just in deep and constantly be gone. Yeah. But he works a lot. He has no interest in you know what I
00:41:59
mean. What was he interested in? He's never seen a movie. He you know my dad was one of those immigrants that was
00:42:04
like he doesn't know what music is. I've talked about this before. I know. But it's so funny to not music.
00:42:10
He doesn't know what music is. Turn it on. He's like I mean that Yeah. But right before he died, right, I had um AirPods,
00:42:17
the translation ones, the new ones. No, no, the new ones. No, no. And he was like, they finally communicated.
00:42:27
I know what they saying after all those years. I love Radio Head. Yeah. In a rainbow is amazing. Yeah. Uh you put weird fishes. What's
00:42:43
this? I know. Yeah. So, he uh we put in um Eric Clapton. Recker. Sorry. Yeah. Recker is We put Eric Clapton in. Um what's that song?
00:42:54
Tears in Tears in Heaven. Tears in Heaven. Oh god. Put it in. We play it. Never heard music
00:42:59
before in his life. I mean, obviously he's in an elevator in a mall. He hears it in the ambiance of it.
00:43:06
[Laughter] Your dad dies. He gets to the pearly gates. He's like 11. I'm sorry, sir. What do you keep singing
00:43:22
a song with him? Did he smile through the song? Did he take it? And he's he's like we play and he's like kind of
00:43:28
sitting there and then a single tear, I swear to God, comes on his face. And it was the first time he ever
00:43:45
he would it be the same if I saw you in heaven? I must be strong. Is that how it goes? I
00:44:01
must be strong and carry on I know I don't be wrong brother and this is about his kid falling out a window. Yeah, we didn't explain that to him. He was doing cocaine on a balcony.
00:44:21
I don't know what the story was. Was he doing cocaine? I don't know. He was He loved cocaine traditionally. He wrote a song about it. Yeah,
00:44:28
it's about a It's about his son falling out of a [ __ ] 53rd 53rd story apartment. How do you move on after that? God, how do you how do you move on after that? 53 floors like this. No,
00:44:43
I mean, so long. That's so many stories. Funniest thing I've ever seen. I'm sorry. Oh my god, that is so long. How long is
00:44:57
that? That's a long time. A long time, man. Oh my god. No, that's so fun, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Forever. Yeah. Whoa.
00:45:09
Look who's here. Come on in, Prince. Sit down in these chairs. Hey. Hey. You could have came in and mugged us. Hi, boys. Did you guys lock the door? No, we left it open for you. What's wrong with that?
00:45:23
You don't like that? I can't sit. Jack Black did it. Yeah, Jack Black Ship Station chug chug. We go to Ship
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00:48:06
Is your hair wet or just greasy? Wet. Let's go to the shower. Okay. Oh, you look good, though. Look at the lettuce on the kit. Hey, don't don't get defensive. He's doing all right. Let's ask you a [ __ ] question, man.
00:48:17
Your hair looks good, too. Looks nice. Well, I feel like it does. You cut it. It looks stylish.
00:48:22
Introduce our [ __ ] guest. Kevin Ryan H. Foley from Are You Garbage? Ladies and gentlemen, are You Garbage is in the house.
00:48:29
Thank you. Love the chair. Happy to be here. Do you like the chair? Hate the chair. Why do you hate the chair?
00:48:34
Cuz I'm a fat pig. I feel like Biggie. This is what Biggie felt like his whole career.
00:48:40
Give me the loot. Give me the loot. That's the one phrase he knows. I'm not kidding. He says that every
00:48:45
week. It's the only thing I know. That's great. Cuz that came off quick. I was like, damn, Bobby's Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you say mean dimminionative stuff
00:48:51
about yourself? Yeah, dude. I'm all fatty. You're successful now. You feel You feel Are you bigger than you were before?
00:48:57
I'm actually going on the way down. I started Zepbound. Uh what, six weeks ago? What's it called? Zepbound. Zepbound.
00:49:03
Yeah. Is it like Olympic? And we go. Yeah. Yeah. Chill. You are on it. I'm down 40 lb.
00:49:08
What do you mean? You always look good though. You I've never blew up. Really? Yeah. I'm down 30. I'm down 30. You look
00:49:14
great. You're down. I do. Can you see? Yeah. I told you that soon as I came in, the hair looks good. You look thin. Look Hollywood.
00:49:19
You're 30 35 lbs. This guy's got off now. 35. 30. Yeah. Thanks. What? What? What' you get the biggest
00:49:25
you were at? Uh, probably 250. Shut the [ __ ] up. How tall are you? Five uh Yeah, probably 5'11. Probably like right on smidge under six. What? 250? I was I was big.
00:49:35
Okay. I as many times boozing a lot. Oozing. Eating good food. It's like, you know, you know, you have the roundest eyes
00:49:41
I've ever seen. Thanks, bud. You not so much. Yeah. Zingers. Bring them out. Bring them out. And Foley, your eyes are pretty Asian-y really. To me, fright. Right. Yeah. It's more
00:49:54
Japanese. It's more Ronin. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you know, a bigger samurai.
00:49:59
I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I will say if you gain weight, it does smoosh your eyes a little bit. When you lose some [ __ ]
00:50:05
weight, those things are going to be big eyes. Are you thinking about getting the injection? What do you mean injection?
00:50:11
Oh, no. You're I mean, you're already on it. I'm on it. Is it the same thing as uh Ozic and No, it's different. The side effects
00:50:17
aren't as bad. And um yeah, it's Zepbound is a brand new prescription medication tier zepatide used for a
00:50:23
chronic weight. Okay, let's go down to let's see what the uh what the side effects are. generally considered safe
00:50:30
when used as a directed but comes with a potential side effects. Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation. You
00:50:35
already have all these stuff to begin with, you know. That's how I And it made me gay. Yeah. Yeah.
00:50:41
Yeah. It's awesome. I like it. And then you guys are sharing hotel rooms. Fatigue and hair loss. You got a lot of lettuce. Who cares? You're fine.
00:50:47
The constipation I have a problem with. Really? Yeah. Brutal. I think Metamucil for it. Yeah.
00:50:52
The combat they'll be go three days. Remember I I celebrated. Oh yeah. It was three No. Yeah. Three
00:50:58
days. Three days. And I I sent you a poop photo. Yeah. It was nice. Yeah. That it was a celebration. Saved it. Printed it.
00:51:03
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the kind of relationship we have. You get you get clogged up on this. Not so bad. The Ompic it was brutal. It was
00:51:09
like I was getting chemo. That's why I had to stop. Did you throw up too? Oh, I was throwing up. Empic was awful.
00:51:14
Awful. Now you're on it too, huh? Same buddy. I don't have a [ __ ] one side effect. I'm humming. It's great on Zepbound or on Zepbound. You guys are both on it. You guys
00:51:24
sponsored by it. Do a read real fast into the camera. Are you a fat piece of [ __ ] Do you have no self-control?
00:51:30
Do you want to see your dick look a little bit bigger? Get on zip bound. I hate that. Does your dick look bigger?
00:51:37
Um, no. Same size. Really? You don't get it? There's no more life in it. 30 lbs. 25 lbs came out of my penis.
00:51:43
I had a very thick penis. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. It was like spam. You can't change that.
00:51:48
You know what I mean? That's uh genetics. No. As you lose weight, it looks it looks bigger. Mine's starting to look a little bigger.
00:51:54
You've seen that uh Sydney Sweeney commercial. He's like, "My jeans my jeans are Asian
00:52:00
pick out." You know, I don't like that. [ __ ] you. Yeah. I I don't like what we're doing right now. I'm not making fun of you. I got I got a
00:52:06
small piece myself. I don't have a small piece. That's the thing. That's That's a thing either. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. I don't have
00:52:13
one. That's the thing. I know. Yeah, for my body structure. Sure. Very good. Okay. Like, you know, like spud web. Okay. Your dick and jump high.
00:52:24
I'm just saying obviously Spud Webb is not going to have Shaquille O'Neal. He is historically. You've never heard
00:52:30
of this? This guy has a [ __ ] pipe. It fell out of his shorts one time when he was dunking. The confidence you need to jump that
00:52:36
high as a little guy. How tall was a big one? 56. 56. 56. Wow. God, what the man, huh? He was great. Uh Twitter's been feeding me a lot of Asian porn lately. I don't know why.
00:52:46
Oh, Twitter's feeding him. All right, man. He's obsessed that there's like full-blown porn on Twitter. It's great.
00:52:53
He's like all over. You know, there's porn on the internet. I know, but something about Twitter. It's great. 2 minutes. Why do you like it so much? You think
00:52:58
just cuz it's like you're reading about news and disastrous [ __ ] and then you get off to a little Asian foot. I don't know. It's awesome. I love it.
00:53:04
What's your favorite kind of porn? Of Asian? Of Asian? Yeah. Japanese? Yeah. Japanese, Korean, and
00:53:12
Wait, wait. Japanese goes number one. Of course, in terms of porn. Japanese is always number one. Everybody knows. No, no, no, no, no.
00:53:18
Japanese girls. Super anime. Anime. Anime. Japanese has always been number one. Been number one forever.
00:53:24
K-pop's making a move though. It is making a move. Not good enough. That girl Rose is beautiful. Rose, you
00:53:30
know what I'm talking about. Why are you looking at me like I know everything? Like he's a [ __ ] expert in every Japanese porn star. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:35
What is it called? Rose. What? Her name's Rose. She does the song with um Bruno Mars.
00:53:40
Oh, aa. Bobby, you don't know this? Yeah. Oh, she's gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Great singer, too. Would you leave your um wife for her? Absolutely. Yeah. Throw it all away,
00:53:52
right? Would you really throw Kevin? How about you? What? No. No. No. No. You're not going to leave your
00:53:58
wife for Rose? No. Number one girl. And of course I wouldn't. Oh my god. Taylor Swift.
00:54:05
What? Kev, what? You would? I wouldn't. No. No. No. No. You don't like Asian girls? No, I do like Asian. I used to I've
00:54:12
dated an Asian top we talked about it before. Yeah. Yeah. Well, white's number one on your list, isn't it? Uh
00:54:18
You always say, "Keep it white." That's what he says. Keep it white, baby. No. You're married to a white. I'm married to a a white. Yeah.
00:54:25
Yeah. She's a good-looking. She's a good-look guy. Yeah. I'm not questioning that. I'm questioning the racism. He just did the Trump thing. She's a
00:54:31
good looking. She's very good. Look at her. She's good. What's been going on with the dogs? I haven't seen you guys in a long time. On
00:54:37
tour, running around. On tour. The back on the block tour. Um getting by is what we're doing.
00:54:43
What are you talking about? You guys are cruising. Rough summer. We had a rough summer. Why did you tour in the summer? We didn't tour in the summer. We were
00:54:49
off. Uh Kippy had a baby. Oh, congratulations. First one. Uh yeah, first one. Oh my god. Let's guess the name.
00:54:56
Yeah, we'll we'll do Donovan. Yeah, that's really good. A big McNab guy. Yeah. Yeah. Uh
00:55:02
Chad, that is some that you're attacking my whiteness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I cuz you're an
00:55:07
artist, so it's I'm an artist. Yeah, it's going to be a little arty. I call a guy fat for a living. Yeah. Yeah. I used to be able to.
00:55:14
Yeah. You call him fat. And I do the Asian thing. Deon. Devin. Kevin and Deon. Deon's good. Yeah. What? What is it? What? The baby's name. Marcus. Marcus. No, we went with Dan.
00:55:26
Dan. Daniel. Dan. Daniel. Daniel. You went with Dan. Daniel. Why? He was going to go with Earthquake. I don't know. That's I ain't never met a [ __ ] named Cadisa.
00:55:38
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Pat. Mhm. What? I mean, was that was that a hard struggle to come up with that? Irish. Irish. It's an old Irish [ __ ] That's how we do it. Okay.
00:55:48
Yeah, that's how we do it. That's some Irish pig [ __ ] It's not like I'm going to [ __ ] name my kid Chong
00:55:54
should Chong Lee. Ching and Chong would be amazed. Good name. Good boy. Strong lad. It's a family name.
00:56:00
You're going to do this whole [ __ ] game where people are like, "Who's in the top birth percentile of all that bullshit?" He's a big fan.
00:56:05
Yeah. See, I know that's 99. He's 9. Wait, let me guess. The weight. The weight was
00:56:10
him 415. The way to Dan your born went full term at born at born I don't remember I don't know any of the number what yeah yeah yeah I don't but age are when you look at the babyhu
00:56:21
does do you feel like does it look like you no look at me does it feel like do you love the baby I
00:56:26
mean he's your best friend right one of your best friends love the baby adorable Irish baby so it's if Kevin
00:56:32
passed away Mhm. Would you I always love coming to talk to these guys. Would you take care would you take care?
00:56:39
He wouldn't let me. So, who's the godfather? Don't you have a godfather? Not yet. You got to pick somebody. It's got to be It's got to be
00:56:44
I got my father. No, no, no. He's got to be Let me Let me push for a No, he's got to be his brother. No. I would love to hear this. Please
00:56:50
state your case. Mr. Mr. What? You were going to say something. Go ahead. Well, Chong or whatever it is.
00:56:56
Say Miss Bobby Lee, my good dear friend. Okay. Um I don't know your brother, so this is tough. Uh Super fentanyl we were
00:57:04
talking about earlier. Would you give me your kid if you passed away? Well, I mean, he would be first in line.
00:57:10
Yeah, he's not him. What do you mean? My relationship with him. You don't have the same relationship with H.
00:57:16
I do. But I'm not Andrew. That would be like I don't even know what that means. That would be like if Andrew responsible.
00:57:23
I would. Yeah. Andrew would leave. I would leave my kid with him. I leave my kid with him. Okay. Yeah. And he would be my godfather.
00:57:29
I would leave my kid with him, but not the other way. Yeah. So, what's your [ __ ] problem? cuz he has better prospects.
00:57:34
Yeah. And I'm prospect. I'm a [ __ ] You're my only prospect. You're not a [ __ ] buddy. There's no
00:57:40
chance. I don't know. It seems like they're turning against me. You don't You don't seem like a [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:57:46
You're not a [ __ ] dude. I some question. Uh, name me a state in city in Kansas.
00:57:51
And see, the question is confusing. That's a bit of a trick question. Yeah. Yeah. Huh?
00:57:56
Kansas City. Yeah, exactly. So, boom. Boom. Capital. Um, [ __ ] It's not LA. It's uh,
00:58:05
starts with an S. Stop. Sacramento. There it is. There we go. Capital. You know what? Take my baby.
00:58:11
Thanks, buddy. I knew that's all it took. I would want that, but no. It would be bad. Do you have kids? You don't have kids? No kids. No kids.
00:58:16
Ask me a question. Um, what is the capital of Pennsylvania? Pittsburgh. No. Oh, [ __ ] Do you know? Name something that comes with hot pot. Hot pot?
00:58:27
Yeah. Potatoes. Pretty good. Very thankful. All right. That's actually very funny. We tried this one time. We did the Are you
00:58:33
smarter than the fifth grader? We lost every We failed every [ __ ] question. Yeah, we we've we did it on Patriot. But are you guys are you guys college
00:58:39
graduates? Yeah. I am uh I went to Temple University. That's a good school. What about you?
00:58:44
I flunked out sophomore year. God is good. Where? Uh Widner University. Shout out to him.
00:58:49
Wow. Played football. Hey, Widner. Yeah, Widner's awesome. All right. You know it. I went to Skinnier.
00:58:57
Our rivals. We beat you guys all the time. I never catch them. Uh, the game's over, I guess. Um, no. I
00:59:04
went to Arizona State. Dude, I'm a [ __ ] I'm a Dumbo Bumbo. Yeah, it's a big dumb. People always say that in Arizona. I
00:59:10
think they're awesome schools. No. Well, they're fun. The one have like a lazy river. That was like always the big rumor. And And they
00:59:16
also said 90% acceptance rate. Let's go. That's pretty good. You can you check Temple Universities?
00:59:22
Yeah, it's got to be like 30. I bet it's under 50. No, it's it's it's really one of they have like they claim they they have like 500,000
00:59:29
students. They have like the biggest Oh, you're just as high as us. Hey, what's the school what school has the highest acceptance rate? Do that. I
00:59:34
want to know what that is. Let's take a guess. My guess would be Florida State. Uh yeah, it's got to be state.
00:59:39
No, but it's like ah Penn State maybe. No, they just have so many. Oh, yeah. College of Staten Island. Yes.
00:59:47
Sunni Sunni is like 98% rate. University of Mississippi is cited with a 98%. So everyone could have missed if I was denied at Dixie University. Am I
00:59:58
Bobby? You kill myself? No. No, you didn't go to college. I didn't went to nothing. Why would he need to? Look at this. Huh? I'm a brainiac, dude. Ask me anything.
01:00:05
He was already potatoes. Hot pock. Weren't you already working like right after high school? Yeah. In a sweat shop? Yeah. Making
01:00:11
Nikes. Is that what you're saying? In fact, yeah, he made those. I made those. Yeah. Yeah. Got a little I
01:00:16
got I got some notes for you. No, you were already cruising in entertainment a little. No, no, no. started at 23.
01:00:22
Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. No, I from high school to 23, no future. Almost die. Damn. Yeah. Because I I had no future. I I had no idea what I was going to do. You guys got six guys on the road with
01:00:34
you. What are you talking about? Videographer, producer, manager. Uh yeah, we got a guy DOPS. We call him
01:00:41
director of operations. He gave himself that title. He pretty much drives the van and stuff. Uh no, he's our boy Ryan
01:00:47
D. Um he's great. Uh we got him. We got a uh two openers and a producer and then
01:00:54
two opener comics that we might know or know. Yeah. Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubenoff. So with us right now,
01:00:59
uh like New York guys, Colin Chamberlain and and Sam Rubenoff. Colin works with uh Jessica Ken a lot.
01:01:05
And and Sam is Jewish. Sam is Jewish. You have reser in LA. You got to have a Jew. Trust me. I know.
01:01:11
You guys do the bus when you're on the road or No, we have uh we've done the bus. [ __ ] that. I kind of like the bus. You don't like
01:01:17
it? We'll never do that [ __ ] ever again. We We love it. This guy had night terrors every [ __ ] night.
01:01:23
You got a bad hang. [ __ ] I loved it. No, dude. I'd rather just go to the hotel, get a nice hotel.
01:01:30
I get that. I get that. You don't like waking up in the new city? No, I like just I I like waking up in a
01:01:35
nice hotel bed instead of listening to this guy scream bloody murder every [ __ ] night and then him up till 5:30
01:01:40
playing video games and peeing every Yeah, he does. Jesus. I poo I poo in the Yeah, I put on the bus. Rule number one. That's not the bus. That's the squad. You guys got to [ __ ] step it up a
01:01:52
little bit. Yeah. No, honestly, [ __ ] this whole team. You don't know. You got a weak crew. My favorite is with Bert. Being on the
01:01:58
bus with Bert. Well, he's got nine buses. I sleep like a baby when he when I almost died. Remember I fell off the [ __ ] bus. That's
01:02:04
You guys did that tour with him? No, no, no. We weren't on that. But I' I've made n that was national headline. I saw that on [ __ ] uh
01:02:09
Well, he posted about it so he could cancel shows. Unfortunately, probably will not be performing tonight. I'll be back in 2026.
01:02:15
What the [ __ ] happened? I cut to my rib. All right. So, I was on the I was on the top bunk. It was pitch black like 3:00 in the morning,
01:02:20
which you shouldn't be in the first place. Now, you're a bottom bunk guy. I I also asked people I asked people,
01:02:26
"Hey, can I get the bottom? I have little legs." That's That's like, "No, I claimed it." That's [ __ ] up. Like, bully [ __ ] Who else? Shame on
01:02:32
you. Yeah. So, I'm on the top bunk, right? It's pitch black. I don't know where. We're in the middle of the south somewhere driving, right?
01:02:40
I open up the curtain, right? And I have to go to the bathroom. So, I I I take my hand, but I can't see it to brace myself
01:02:47
on the oppos opposite side of the other bunk, the ledge, and I miss it. And I just I fall forward and I hit my mouth on the [ __ ] thing. This guy thinks he's going to reach
01:02:58
across the bus. His arms are like a foot long. Jesus. Got T-Rex arms. Did anybody wake up? What?
01:03:04
Anybody wake up? No one woke up. And I I was on the ground was knocked unconscious. They woke up. They were like, "You got knocked out?"
01:03:09
Yeah. And I And there was just blood everywhere. So, I go to the front of the bus. I sit there and I go to the um
01:03:16
driver and I go, "I think I need to go hospital." And he goes, "No, man. We're seven hours away." I go, "I'm bleeding.
01:03:23
I think I need stitches." "No, seven hours, dude." Oh, I [ __ ] And I start testing bird, everybody. No one replies.
01:03:28
Everyone's asleep. Yeah. I'm just sitting there just in a pool of blood for like hours. It was [ __ ] terrible.
01:03:34
Yeah. Get a paper towel, put some mice on it, suck it up. I did all that. What do you think, dude? Did you need stitches? Yeah. Yeah.
01:03:39
Yeah, you did. Ooh, I got like a bunch of stitches and uh three. You got three. I knew a bunch was a big thing. Yeah.
01:03:47
Wait, wait. What? What do you mean? Well, he said you didn't get 15. You got three. I got a lot. Three.
01:03:52
Four. What's it say? What's it say in the lawsuit? What? 45 stitches. Broken neck. And you know what was great?
01:03:58
And this is Bert and you know the whole team. Leanne. Le Yeah, the whole team. The squad.
01:04:04
Love the squad. Love the squad. The squad. And they were like, you know, obviously go home. But they paid me for the gigs. Oh,
01:04:10
great. Which is so cool. That's what he liked the most. Sure. Every time we go on tour, he's gonna
01:04:15
fall off the bunk. Yeah. Oh, I can't put a phone. That's getting off cheap. They're probably worried you're gonna [ __ ] I would never do it. Even if I died, I
01:04:21
wouldn't do it. Not to Bert Leanne. There's other people we would love them so much, but not them. You can't sue them. You can't You can't meet better people.
01:04:27
No, they're probably They're probably two of the best people I've ever come on. Yeah, she's great. You know what's so funny though? The bus
01:04:32
thing, our driver, that was awesome. That guy was a [ __ ] lunatic. We had a lunatic. Mega Man. What the
01:04:38
[ __ ] was his nickname? He had like a It was like a superhero nickname. One night I wake up cuz the bus is like, you know
01:04:45
this. And I'm like, "Dude, what's going on?" I walk up there and I pop up the curtain open. You know what I mean? I
01:04:51
pop off the buttons. This [ __ ] is going off on his wife. Do you remember this?
01:04:56
He's yelling at this dude. That's awesome. He's like, "That's what I [ __ ] said. Is that when that's how it is to [ __ ]
01:05:01
be?" And he's yelling into his headset mic. And so I was like, "He's w he's wide awake." So I clicked the button back on, went back and laid I thought he might be dozing. That dude's not going to sleep for six
01:05:12
more hours. So I was locked in. We'll see you later, Salt Lake City. We'll be there. [ __ ] [ __ ] We uh
01:05:17
I hated it though. We had one that broke down. We We did like Route 66 and we had one that broke down and barely made the gig like pulled
01:05:24
in as like you know. Oh no. See, it was we had to sleep on the bus just parked in Tulsa or something like in a
01:05:31
sketch like behind the venue cuz he couldn't get the bus started. Did you guys go to Memphis by any chance? We'll never
01:05:38
bring up Memphis. I [ __ ] hated it. It was PTSD. Like the the ven like the show. We tanked [ __ ] in a way we've never I
01:05:44
bombed so hard. They had that just happened. No. The city of Memphis is all special kind of bomb. Yeah. Yeah.
01:05:49
Recently. Yeah. A couple years ago. Two years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it was so bad. We've stayed We
01:05:54
were on the Elvis's. We were on Graceand. We played [ __ ] the Graceand stages and we're thinking this is the best
01:06:01
dude. We're at the [ __ ] dude. Nope. Tank [ __ ] And then we were also like, can we go get something to eat? And they're like, I don't recommend it.
01:06:07
Yeah. It's not the nicest area. And I was like, well, we're hungry. That was the room. You guys don't have bad gigs.
01:06:12
Yeah. No. Every once in a while. Yeah, for sure. Worst gig say, "What's the What's a city that I'm not going to name a city?" No. That you tanked the hardest in
01:06:18
on the tour. What was that? Where were we? Um Oh, it was that one that we pulled into wasn't Salt Lake. Somewhere down there
01:06:25
in the in the southwest like a Denverish kind of town but in I think Arizona. What was Phoenix? Phoenix. Flagstaff.
01:06:33
Flagstaff. Flagstaff. It is [ __ ] I mean it like we Flagstaff on a Wednesday [ __ ] sold light. Is that the venue? That was the one we played. Okay. Yeah. Flag Flag Staff got you.
01:06:45
It was it was just And it was and like it was it was one of those things they ended up like like they had a good time and like but we just
01:06:51
I could tell you our fans in Memphis did not have a good time. Yeah, not with us. They We just didn't love it. Flag's also pretty beautiful. A lot of
01:06:57
people, a lot of whites like to go up there and get married in a lot of cash up there. Um, one thing we did do is circumvent
01:07:03
the bus cuz the one the bus is very circumvent. What does that mean? Go around. Okay. Um, don't use big words around my
01:07:09
friend, man. My apologies. Being condescending. My apologies. Circumvent. Let us reiterate that stamp's pretty good. They had that they
01:07:15
had circumvent the way around. Uh, we bought a we bought a very nice the nicest conversion van we could buy and we kind of use that as the tour bus. Like we do runs diops, our boy Ryan D
01:07:28
will drive it out to Michigan. He'll pick us up at the airport in Michigan and then that's we're cruising around in
01:07:33
that for the week. Wait, why Michigan? Or like wherever the runs. I was like, yeah, you guys aren't you are you guys living in New York? Where
01:07:38
do you live? Queens. Queens kids. Both of you? No, I I got a Manhattan. You're not getting that?
01:07:44
Yeah. You're not getting that Austin itch, huh? Nah. The heat would kill me. Yeah, true. Genuinely. Yeah, that'd be
01:07:51
You guys dread being here? Not bad friends, but in LA. I love LA. I don't have any of that [ __ ] that other people.
01:07:56
That's what I like about you. I don't like it. It's uh, you know, it's Hey, Droop Troop, please.
01:08:01
What's up, droop troop? Uh, I love it. I don't I don't I don't hate it. I'm not one of those guys. I just don't love it.
01:08:07
It's just not uh I enjoy my time out here. I like seeing my friends. We stay We got a [ __ ] very nice house
01:08:12
in the hills. We're having a big The whole Oh, you rented a crib for the kids. Yeah. What are we talking about? Nice. Nice
01:08:19
property. Good place to OD. So, Airbnb. Airbnb. Looked up. Looked it up on Zillow. $6.5 million. How long you guys in How long you in town for? Let me get that right. Let me
01:08:29
say it again. Circumvent. Circumvent. How long are you guys in town for? Until Thursday.
01:08:34
Yeah, we were here Saturday to Thursday. We called to give you an answer. Yeah, he loves taking people to dinner.
01:08:40
I was looking for your car in the parking lot to see what you were whipping around. And I don't I don't drive anymore, man. Not after the accident. What accident?
01:08:46
You don't hear about his accident almost died. Nuhuh. Yeah, dude. Is that true? I hit I hit You're [ __ ] with me, dude. I hit a
01:08:51
couple. Look at his eye. Look at my eye. My eyes all [ __ ] up. I hit a couple. I was pink guy. I seen that on. It was bad. It wasn't his fault. It
01:08:57
wasn't It wasn't his fault, though. Well, I mean, I was drinking, but it was All right. He does, dude.
01:09:04
No, it's not funny. Why would you joke about No, I shouldn't Shouldn't joke about it. I mean, they almost I mean, he I mean,
01:09:09
he almost died, dude. No. Yeah, dude. It was in [ __ ] Hollywood Reporter. Hollywood Reporter brought it up. I'll pull it up. Let's see if
01:09:15
that's my That's my ticket there from the hospital. Yep. Holy [ __ ] It was really bad, dude. It was really bad.
01:09:21
Did you get knocked out? Yeah, dude. I was there for 3 days at the hospital. It was terrible. Anything for almost a week? Yeah.
01:09:26
Almost a week. Like five days. What was this, dude? He was hooked up with the machines. It was in month and a half ago. He's lying.
01:09:31
No, dude. You know, let me see the pull up. No, no. Here's I would have heard this.
01:09:36
We are going to pull it up, but here's already once they type it out. No. No. No. What? I'm gonna say the domain. The domain.
01:09:41
Hey, Kevin, will you listen? Nope. Yeah. Sorry. Okay. I got excited. You know, right now you have sad eyes.
01:09:48
You just complimented him. Yeah, but I know, but they're drooping. They're sad. And I don't like it. He's tired. Right. So, what I'm going to say is
01:09:53
before we look it up, I want to say this. All right. Already, will you look at me right now? I'm not done talking.
01:09:59
Go. All right. We told you a fact. Okay. And you doubted it. That's right. Yeah. Sure.
01:10:05
Which means there's division between our teams. That's right. Yeah. Right. We're not cohesive.
01:10:11
No, we're just not suckers. Yeah. You know what you two are up to. We lie all the time. There you go. Andrew Santino formerly
01:10:16
said that he crashed his Kia Sto. Incident appears to have been minor. 2001. 2021. It was a 2021 Kia Sto. That's That's
01:10:23
wrong. He's been in the hospital for three, four, five years. And I was there every day.
01:10:28
I was only there for three days. I know those four years. Damn. That was one of my favorite bits. I always kept saying I got really good though.
01:10:34
I crashed a Kia Sto. People [ __ ] for some reason there. But if you said you got into a car accident, you're like, "Yeah, dude. I crashed my old Kia Sto."
01:10:41
People like damn. Like they buy it right away. I don't know why the car validates the accident. I was gonna make fun of you for driving a Kia.
01:10:47
What do you drive? Fa flashy guy. I drive. You live in Queens. You don't have a car. Do you have a car? Yeah, I got a Jeep.
01:10:52
Okay. Oh, so better than a Kia. Hot shot. Yeah. I have a question. Bobby, are you
01:10:58
dating anybody? Can you talk about that or no? Okay. Good. No, no, no, no. I'm absorbing what
01:11:04
you're asking. And um I'm going to answer you properly. Okay. Um yes, I am. Okay. Great.
01:11:10
Yeah. Um, I'm getting a lot of [ __ ] because they're white women. Okay. Okay. All white women.
01:11:15
So, you're dating casually. You're not interacting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. And my Asian, you know, friends and family are going, "What's up, dude?"
01:11:22
Really? Yeah. And I'm like, "I don't Those are the ones that like me." Who what do your friends and family say? What? What's up, dude? Oh, yeah.
01:11:27
Mexican. No, that's some of them. Yeah. Yeah. Some of them. Yeah. No, but they go, "Um, do other Asian celebrities give you [ __ ]
01:11:33
for that kind of stuff?" They don't talk to him. No. No. What? Like, you look at Steven Yun.
01:11:40
Uh-huh. He's nice Asian woman. John Shon, nice Asian woman. Yeah. I just I can't.
01:11:46
What's your problem? Because those Asian women find me to be unclean, which I'm not.
01:11:51
Very clean man. Excuse me. A very You're a very clean man. Yeah, but people think but based on my um online presence or whatever that I'm
01:11:57
a dirty [ __ ] right? But I'm booger eating and stuff like that. The booger eating and stuff like that. Well, have you not?
01:12:04
Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I've never done it. Me either. Never once. You've eaten your boogers? I've eaten my boogers. You say when I
01:12:09
was a Yeah. Not interested. Yeah. What about touching your butthole? When the last time If it comes out, it doesn't go back in.
01:12:16
That's how I feel. When's the last time you touched your butthole? Bare finger. I had a I had a stint. I had a run.
01:12:23
I had a run. I got over it. You know what I mean? Not sexually. Just touching it. What? Not sexually? Yeah. Oh, I was
01:12:28
talking about sexually. What do you mean? Just touching my butthole just for for as in passing? Whatever. Like a little boop. Like
01:12:34
No, no, no. He loves it. Bobby, what about you? I'll do it now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not afraid of it. It's actually fine. Yeah. If you're if you're playing with a toy, but I mean, you know what I mean? If you're having fun, you've done that with toys on.
01:12:45
Oh, you should see the size of the thing I put in my ass. Show them the thing I put in my ass. Yeah. He's lying. He's got it. He's got unbelievable the thing the size
01:12:50
of this [ __ ] thing. I wouldn't have suspected that, my man. I like that. You don't know. What do you know? I'm gay. Are you?
01:12:55
What? Shut up. How long have you known me? Yeah, that thing. I put that Whoa. Whoa, man. Can I borrow that thing? Holy [ __ ]
01:13:03
No, you're married. I've met your wife, haven't I? So, you think you meant my beard? Nice.
01:13:09
Yeah. No, I'm I'm seeing a couple of guys right now, but none of nothing serious. Nothing's sticking.
01:13:14
No. Yeah, I've never touched my butthole un sexually. Really? What are you doing with it? I don't know.
01:13:21
Making sure it's there. Just crossing that line of touching my butthole. Oh, yeah. I have a difficult time committing right
01:13:26
now. To your butthole? To your butthole? Yeah. Really? It moves. You mean relationship wise? What vibrates?
01:13:32
Huh? It goes like that. Your butthole does. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't like it that it's sassy. Jesus. No. In terms of a women.
01:13:38
Mhm. Yeah. You're playing the field. You're having fun. You're not playing the field. I want to find No, I want to find I want to find I
01:13:44
want to fall in love. No. Stop that. You went through that. How'd that turn out? Get out of here.
01:13:49
Enjoy yourself. I know. But I'm ready again. I think. No. That's That's your mistake. Get ready. Get back up on the horse.
01:13:55
I'll do it. Fall, Bobby. Fall in love with yourself. That's how you fall in love with. Yeah.
01:14:01
Nah. [ __ ] that. Let him fall in love with a woman. No. Yeah. I I don't know if I ever [ __ ] now.
01:14:06
Yeah, for sure. How happy are you? You got a boy. Yeah, very. You [ __ ] amped. Are you nervous?
01:14:12
Uh, yeah. It's crazy. I'm still nervous. I don't know. Did you do a gender reveal thing? You did one of these things.
01:14:17
Should have, would have, could have, did. Would have been fun to do. Did you Have you done that? No. I don't have any kids. No, you don't. No, but if I did, I I think I
01:14:23
would do the gender reveal, but I do it real tr. You know what I mean? You do a golf ball. You do the golf
01:14:29
ball. That's what you got to do. No. No. I'd like, you know, like light a boat on fire. Color of the smoke. What
01:14:34
do I mean? We look extravagant. Something obnoxious. Are you guys going to have kids? You want to have kids? You can't have kids. No kidding.
01:14:39
No, we tried. Yeah. It doesn't [ __ ] around. Thanks for bringing that up. It can't go through the butthole for some reason. I don't even know why.
01:14:45
Doesn't make it It's not a loop. I know. We thought it was a loop, but it's not a loop. No, we tried. We can't do it.
01:14:50
You being serious? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Adopt maybe. Would you want to do that?
01:14:55
Yeah, but a white Slav, you know, a little white Slavic baby. They're giving those are pretty adoptable right now. Not not a little Asian kid.
01:15:01
White slobs. Little Asian kid. I got a little Asian kid. Hey buddy. I have one. Uh I if I was going to adopt um Yeah. I
01:15:09
mean it's I think that's a whole another like I have friends that were adopted and that's a whole another set of things that come along with it. Sure. So I might but I don't know. I'm just
01:15:15
not sure. The good thing about adoption is you got time. You know what I mean? Like I don't I don't have to do whatever. You're not fighting a
01:15:21
biological clock. There's always a kid wanting wanting to be adopted. Maybe. Seriously, maybe I'd like to adopt a kid that's like 17. Give
01:15:29
them one good year. An athlete. Get an athlete. Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? Get them up to Shamanad, one of those high schools.
01:15:34
If you adopted a kid and years later they want to find their biological family. Yeah. That's what's tough. Would Would that hurt? Depends. Would
01:15:40
that hurt your feelings? No. If the adoption is open or closed, right? Some of them are even if it was closed, they're like, "You know what, Dad? You're a great dad.
01:15:47
I mean, even though you know you're so angry sometimes, but anyway, um you know, I'm I'm going to look for my
01:15:53
biological family. Is that okay?" Yeah, that's good. Go back to China. Is that what you want? Hold on.
01:15:58
Go back to China. I'll send you right back. I'll put you in the box that you came init and I'll send you right back.
01:16:04
You'll be on the bottom of a Hyundai trailer. See that attitude you're doing right now? That's the reason why I want to find my biological parents cuz this is
01:16:09
how the way you talk to me. Wait, hang on. Well, you're the only kid I know that didn't get into Mississippi State. How
01:16:15
about that? Back to China. Hang on. So, the kid you would adopt would be the kid that you would adopt
01:16:21
would be a bad actor. Is that what's going on here? What was that accent? What? What was that accent? You're better than
01:16:27
that. It's Cleveland, dude. That's a Yeah, that's that is a outside of Cleveland. Well, let me do it again. I was a kid.
01:16:33
Do Australian. No, no, no, no, no. Do Australian. Yeah, I adopt an Australian kid.
01:16:38
Or do British. I'll give you that. Make it easy. Cochnney. Daddy. Cochney. That's not brother. He's not getting
01:16:45
dialects. D. Yeah. Yes, son. I want to find my biological family. Oh, they're in China. I told you that. I thought I was British. D. Well, you are. You're a British Chinese
01:16:57
kid. You do a kid then. Don't do it. We're your We're your gay. We're your gay parents. We adopted you. This is a fantasy we play out all the time. Yeah, there's a fantasy. How old? You're 18 years old now. And you're
01:17:09
telling us? Telling you what? That you I'm gay and I want to all hook up. Sure. That's the kind of porn I like. By the way, stepparents porn. Very nice. I did see
01:17:20
on TikTok today a montage of kids coming out to their parents and their parents being so supportive. It made me cry. That's awesome. Yeah. Was there anyone not supportive though? That's Well, that's not the montage I saw. It
01:17:32
wasn't my favorite one. What? Yeah. No, not in my house. That's crazy when that happens when you
01:17:38
hear that [ __ ] What? How could How could somebody not even that like kick them out? Oh, I can't believe that.
01:17:44
How much of a [ __ ] I had a buddy when I first moved to LA, this guy that I met, his parents sent him to pray away the gay camp. What are you talking?
01:17:49
Oh, that's crazy [ __ ] Yeah, dude. What? But it made him more gay. Yeah, you hear those places as [ __ ] Yeah, it's awful.
01:17:54
It's like there was nothing. There was never gonna fix anything. [ __ ] And his mom used to say, "Wild shit." She'd come. We lived in the same complex. His
01:18:00
mom would come and visit and she'd be like, "How come? How come he can't get a a pretty girl like the girl you're
01:18:06
dating?" And I had to [ __ ] keep up the lie. I was like, "I think he loves being single."
01:18:11
Oh, really? She didn't know. No, they [ __ ] just in denial. Yeah. Sheer denial. Well, don't parents
01:18:17
know. You would think you can usually smell a gay in your in your house, right? Yeah. I was just like, "Dad, dad, sure." Say it. You ever go to your friend's house and they're like, "This is my son, Riley."
01:18:28
He's like, "Hello." You're like, "Uhoh." I thought his parents already knew. Do you like dancing, Riley? Yeah. I think they know from a young age. Yeah. Of course you know. I'd just be like, "Yeah, I know that
01:18:39
already, kid." Yeah. Now, pick your beat. What if your son came to you and said, "Dad, I think I'm gay." What do you say? I'd be okay with it. Great.
01:18:49
Yeah. Would you be disappointed at all? I'd start calling my daughter, but sure. No, I'm kidding. Uh, no. I mean, I think
01:18:56
I don't know. I'm 3 months in. It'd be weird if he did, you know, if he told me now. Oh, it's coming. Five months. That's what they do in five months.
01:19:02
Baby was like, I got so stupid, dude. Uh, I like starts listening to Chapel R. Yeah. I don't know. I would be fine. You'd have to be fine. progressive guy.
01:19:14
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. My best friend's gay, right? Sure. On the weekends sometimes. You never tried.
01:19:20
What? You never tried to flip the other side of the menu as Charlie. Great line. We were talking. Great line.
01:19:26
That whole thing is fantastic. Doing your show. Doing your show. I I the one of the most fun. I remember
01:19:32
doing it and being like, "Oh, yeah. I want to go to that. That'll be fun. It'll be cool." And then I did it and I was like, "That's one of the best most
01:19:37
inventive podcasts on the internet. Your rhythm is perfect. You guys' relationship is [ __ ] amazing. I
01:19:42
seeing you guys grow. We love you guys. I love you guys. Seeing you guys grow and I was also like this is some people take off and you're
01:19:49
like when you know what I mean when when it when it happens to someone you're like yes good yeah that is the go this
01:19:55
should be the big thing go. We love you guys so much. Everybody in the comedy pod little sphere has been so
01:20:01
great to us and nobody's jealous. Nobody's you know high tides raise all ships. Yeah.
01:20:06
And that was an away game. We want you in the studio when you in New York and I come to New York. Yeah. We're I did it. Both of you. You did it in the old
01:20:12
studio. You were in the old studio. Come to the new studio. I I know. But didn't I don't I went I went to the side of one studio. I did. Take it easy.
01:20:20
Where do you love to have you back? Where's the new studio at? Uh Midtown. Second biggest comedy podcast in the
01:20:25
city. It's bigger than Seriously. Bigger than Schultzy's. Yeah. Wow. But Go for the game. Come for the king.
01:20:30
Schultz is way nicer and his staff is all cool as [ __ ] And they're all minorities. You guys have
01:20:36
only whites. That's why I want to go to argument. No, we got an Italian guy. We got a tank.
01:20:41
We don't eat with them, but you know. You guys want to promote anything? Uh yeah, check out the pod. Uh RU
01:20:47
Garbage where we do twice a week uh public and then uh Patreon as well. We have a very uh active Patreon and uh
01:20:54
we're on tour right now. Back on the block tour. All tickets available at rugar garbage.com. It's standup and uh
01:20:59
we play a with the crowd and we have a special Route 66 special which is a combination of all that and
01:21:06
we each have half hours on our page. Amen. Go see the kids. Are you garbage.com is where you can get all that information.
01:21:11
We'll put the link in the description down below for the fans. We appreciate you guys. We love you guys. Thank you for being garbage friends.
01:21:16
Thank you for being part of garbage fans. And say into that camera at the same time say thank you for being a bad friend.
01:21:21
Thanks for being a bad friend. Good boys. [Music]