00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude
00:00:06
you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends they've been the heart of texas
00:00:15
you know the whole song please don't shoot me the stars shine
00:00:23
deep in the heart of texas bro i'm telling you right now that 50th
00:00:29
anniversary comedy story it was good to see you last night by the way well they couldn't he couldn't have been
00:00:34
there they were we were partying in the parking lot
00:00:39
well he was there because i took a photo with him so you know did you go no i yeah you were there i took a photo
00:00:46
with you last night man you did let me see this photo bomb there man
00:00:52
you're literally tyler look at that doc is there
00:01:10
why are you sitting on his lap that was the weird part i tell you something yeah you look you came in here doc the first
00:01:15
thing he said when you guys weren't here you go man i gotta lose some weight you know i'm fat this picture you look so thin yeah
00:01:21
overnight would you have [ __ ] in and out what happened last night okay it was good to see you last night man it
00:01:27
was really a pleasure well the reason i'm wearing my cowboy man is because we're going to texas this week and i'm
00:01:33
excited we're going to be in austin and we're going to i'm going to be in dallas yeah black bart has a hat from that's a
00:01:39
hat from black market i love a little hat for black car over here god damn i love hats and i got one for
00:01:46
doc willis they're going to die i got a gun no no no no no no
00:01:52
man and rudy jewels look at that you got a little doing around here right you got a little dude what you doing right does
00:01:57
this shoot don't i don't think it's loaded oh but don't keep doing it don't try yeah yeah and then look under andre has
00:02:04
said he's got oh oh two black male mile mile you're not going to be able to wear the
00:02:09
headphones on the top of that well i'm keeping my hat on i like it man why you don't want to be black i like
00:02:14
head i like headphones all right put on the headphones then yeah i think we look good in our cowboy hats yeah yeah hi rude hi to andrew
00:02:22
how's it going i'm good you feel good mm-hmm yeah ruth's never been to texas
00:02:28
you really wait what states have you been in in the united states um
00:02:34
just here only to california yeah we've really
00:02:40
ever been you know how why is it part of this oh yeah hawaii yeah so you went to hawaii here new york never never i want
00:02:47
to go to new york well you went to seattle let's take her to new york you went to washington
00:02:53
oh yeah you forget about our memories wait a minute didn't you go to another place together did you go to arizona with him
00:02:58
no he's never been that was just you and your brother yeah yeah so you've only been to hawaii washington
00:03:05
california let's name off the places that you want to go to because we can make it happen we're gonna make it happen yeah we're gonna go to texas this
00:03:10
week what's what's something to do in texas oh got a lot there's a lot to do there's
00:03:16
a lot you can you want to go to a strip club yeah do
00:03:21
you want to go should we go to teddy bar in austin
00:03:28
wait why couldn't we go we could take a booby bar no but it's a it's a look at that we can go to palazzo gentlemen's club or oh the bear cabaret in austin i
00:03:34
heard that's a good one yeah look at and look at the review for the bear look at what it says go up felt like a nightclub with a cool vibe
00:03:40
rather than a strip club i like cool vibes i like cool i love nightclubs so that's cool and then uh xd
00:03:46
ecstasy cabaret austin says sucks to say it but ecstasy is a slumbag strip joint now
00:03:51
that's the one wow that's where we're going to go yeah that's where we want to go well you know texas was a place where i would purposely back in the day when i
00:03:58
was single would want to go to at least dallas and houston because i used to go to a place
00:04:03
called treasures that's in dallas right in houston oh and there was a place in dallas called baby dolls oh baby dolls
00:04:10
i love it but now they're other little tiny dolls in the room all over the room yeah it's an american girls store
00:04:18
you know i love american here's baby dolls grab a drink with the sexy saloon ladies check out our new kitchen daily
00:04:24
buffet friday hey dude that's that you know that's the best part about strip clubs people go just for the food
00:04:30
yeah they're known to have the best best buffets roast beef the roast freeze during the day yeah at
00:04:36
a strip club and ham two big hands yeah yeah but why do you want to eat when there's like women what do you mean
00:04:43
what do you want to eat in front of you yeah yeah all the time that's weird why is it weird we've been
00:04:48
to jersey mike's together right why would it be weird to eat at a strip club why do you think that's strange
00:04:54
like being full and like no but will you no they the girls can't eat no you don't feed them you don't feed them it's not a
00:05:01
zoo no you don't have a headache like [ __ ] meat at them she thinks you like turn it like turn a dial a piece of
00:05:07
chicken falls out you just throw it at him yeah yeah the reason why you eat at strip club because a woman's vagina is like wine
00:05:14
it's like wine right so if you're having like um a fish right it depends on what kind of vagina it is sometimes it's two
00:05:21
fishes don't make a good meal that's exactly right right so sometimes like you'll have a fish and you look at the
00:05:26
vagina and it's like it's got like a a nutty you know a nutty you're deep nutty you
00:05:32
know what i mean
00:05:47
and it's like sometimes you use cheese sometimes they have the cheese yeah yeah well we're going to take you to strip club not drinking today huh doc
00:05:54
well you know i i'll tell you yeah tell me you know you you just got a rehab right so i was
00:06:01
saying to myself well he's being mindful i just felt like [ __ ] like i was
00:06:07
putting pressure on you coming in and drinking that's why he was getting on me drinking drinking wasn't his big problem it was a dick
00:06:13
it was yeah he would get drunk your dick i had a problem right so it didn't bother you at all when i was
00:06:18
drinking no do you have something in your bag your goddamn right [Laughter]
00:06:24
you gotta be [ __ ] i care about you though that's right you're gonna bother me if you're smoking weed in here it'd be blue very weird oh okay yeah yeah but
00:06:31
drink up dog wanted to get the validation yeah yeah all right so i need to tell bobby
00:06:36
this while you while you get your look your flask on i get it i get a text message this morning yeah and i want to read it to
00:06:42
you tell me this doesn't sound a little distressed okay from who from this from uh black magic okay you
00:06:49
tape that [ __ ] no no no doug doug the text message you said here listen hey tino are you available to talk
00:06:55
anytime soon because i need to tell you something very very two varies yeah important yeah i'm a work lunch break
00:07:00
right now till 11 30 then i'm back at work at 3 30. when you very i need to talk to you something very very important was that
00:07:06
yesterday this morning so immediately my brain goes to is doc okay did something happen
00:07:12
right tell them what you told me i call them me they go doc are you all right first thing's out of my mouth doc are you okay what'd you say
00:07:18
i told him well look man i had i was telling him that they i read some ufo [ __ ] so you know
00:07:25
he's on some he's on some ufo she just made this yes that's it you sent me this what's that yeah
00:07:31
it just says you might be an alien baby bobby oh that's it number one no and then you go which is [ __ ] rude don't
00:07:37
ever call my baby again all right hey baby bobby new nickname baby
00:07:45
ufos left radiation burns and unaccounted unaccounted for pregnancies new pentagon
00:07:52
report claims yeah the pentagon report claim you will show that we'll show the article you and my brother should get
00:07:57
together yeah dude he he he he he's at work on his [ __ ] lunch break
00:08:03
about these articles you're panicked because i was going on and i was trying to see what the news different news
00:08:10
items were talking about right yeah so i went on youtube and then so you know there's a war in ukraine i mean there's other things you
00:08:16
can anyway okay on earth bobby yeah it's [ __ ] about to go down yeah hey [ __ ] like hey man
00:08:22
hold up something we're popping off so when i watched the news clippings they didn't mention the pregnancies and i go
00:08:28
what but they admit they mentioned the rate the you know the radiation burns one of the two was mentioned yeah what
00:08:34
the [ __ ] yeah so i go in and under the comments somebody asked where can you get the paperwork so i was like oh [ __ ]
00:08:40
let me show them where they can get the paperwork so the website to the defense intelligence
00:08:46
he goes on the defense intelligence website i go to the right and i i copy paste it and i put it under the comments
00:08:52
so i said okay i'm waiting for somebody to respond and this is how he deletes it this is on a what you posted this on facebook on youtube on youtube this is
00:08:59
on youtube on youtube yup under the fox san francisco station that's where they showed it mm-hmm right
00:09:05
so they did it honestly
00:09:15
so this guy sees the article about the pres but the pregnancies the unkind of our pregnancies yeah they disappear from
00:09:22
the defense intelligence agency's website it's gone okay we have this link look this was the link for the eia if
00:09:28
you scroll down it used to say it right at the bottom okay right right there i'm in theory and wait time out though okay go ahead and i
00:09:34
said well to him i go that's crazy doc
00:09:40
are you okay honestly i was like are you okay because he called he's at work i'm thinking he's
00:09:45
on spice like he's freaking out at work about aliens right i'm like he's smoking he's smoking something so the initial
00:09:51
text was i have something very very very very very varied two varieties because they always talk about it on a thing so
00:09:57
i didn't want to get no but that text reads like hey man something happened she doesn't personally if i said rudy something's
00:10:03
very very important what's going on yeah okay very very important is this okay
00:10:08
i have cancer that's very very very very
00:10:14
right yeah very important is i got in a car accident or you killed someone or you killed very very various that's
00:10:20
three various is that three varies or two that's two various yeah that's two variables what's three various i have very very very andres
00:10:27
uh he texted me something's very very very important i know he's dismembered someone he needs me to hide the bodies right yeah killing someone is fine but
00:10:34
dismembering that's very very very important yeah okay so that's the very very important so that's
00:10:39
number one that's it you know so don't do that again don't do that again hey i didn't know i worried you my bad
00:10:44
but i was scared in the moment you worried me because and you were also in a panic on the phone call dude i wish i recorded the phone call yeah he was he
00:10:50
was he was like not you know and they hiding it from us i don't know what they were hiding but man they came down on the website and i was like doc what
00:10:57
who's hiding what from you he's like the pregnancy is tino algonquin okay would you have a theory
00:11:04
yeah no i think he's [ __ ] out of his mind yes
00:11:09
you know what you are you're very very very out of your mind dia says sorry no search results for
00:11:16
practice no i'm not doing it listen here's a theory all right right i'm working for the government
00:11:22
right for that website right right i bring my cousin larry because he's in town right cousin larry you know he just
00:11:29
happens to be another magic black okay a black magic guy black magic he drinks the wine right
00:11:35
right i go to the bathroom my crazy cousin larry right is on the website
00:11:40
take this out right because they get pregnant too man you know what i mean that's what orientals are or whatever it
00:11:45
is right yeah right he comes back and goes what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] right meanwhile fox is
00:11:52
[ __ ] doing the article now they read it he deletes it that's why you see that that's what happened that could be one theory
00:11:57
give me another theory i think another theory could have been um that you yourself are now being tracked and
00:12:04
honed by the government and your phone is now the most tapped phone in this room bobby's been tapped a
00:12:10
bunch i got tapped and you know old got tapped a few times
00:12:16
here's another theory i have okay and i've been suspecting this for a very long time and this is true dude all
00:12:21
right you could be like for me you could be an alien when i'm going fair i know you
00:12:27
could be an alien when i'm bringing it to other people's attention right i'm trying to hide it from you know what i mean yeah you're just you're it's like
00:12:34
uh a switching bait it's it's if you have bait
00:12:42
can i tell you something when i talk about you when i say you know doc is on the show and they'll go oh the
00:12:47
alien yeah
00:12:52
and they go no fancy is a citizen now no longer an alien so uh look at their black people and aliens because here's
00:12:58
the reason why well look who's the first one now listen don't look [ __ ]
00:13:04
you put glasses on that thing right i don't know i don't know the body that looks pretty close i know
00:13:11
look at that i don't know i bet your money that guy that's a gay uncle
00:13:18
i bet you the third one looked like you a little bit bobby okay here we go
00:13:23
can i tell you something where the me all right all right so
00:13:29
yeah and who does that look like i don't know that's a little looks like a fighter in
00:13:34
the kit fan [Laughter] right like he likes the king of the
00:13:40
thing he does yeah he's big in the game he's got a shaw [ __ ] tattoo on his ankle i got to tell you something
00:13:47
i think i think you might be misleading us yeah you're projecting because you have something to do with all this
00:13:52
[ __ ] man i'm just a guy out here trying to live and find the [ __ ] out that's what a [ __ ] alien that's what it is
00:13:59
it looks like it sounds like a pre-recorded message let's listen to him closely say a sentence to us yeah knock
00:14:04
you a sentence and let's see if it sounds like a human or an alien is saying it right say oh i've got to go to the bank today and
00:14:10
make a couple of deposits then i got to go to the store well i got to go to the bank today
00:14:20
dude [ __ ] flopping it up holy [ __ ]
00:14:25
you're a [ __ ]
00:14:51
some people are asymptomatic from covet and yet they um
00:14:56
don't get tested some people are asymptomatic with covet and uh they
00:15:01
don't get tested at the end
00:15:06
yeah very good very good i'm just i'm just telling you i feel do you feel like he has an alien presence
00:15:12
at all when he said the first sentence yeah he did he did something with his mouth
00:15:17
lizard he literally called lizard he's a lizard person yeah because lizard people are real you you got you know about
00:15:22
lizard people don't you yeah um our government is entirely made up of lizard people without a doubt who who do you
00:15:28
think is the only person that's famous in government that's not a lizard who is or is it who is not because i think they're all lizards is there
00:15:34
anybody no no no there are people that aren't i don't think sally fields is she not in government not government oh
00:15:40
government i'm sorry about our government hollywood yeah well our government which hollywood actors are lizards
00:15:46
yeah i don't know because you know why this says sally field i'm just coming trying to think i'll tell you who's not huh
00:15:51
wait government or hollywood either or let's go government okay let's go uh is barack obama a lizard
00:16:00
yeah definitely is trump no he's not a lizard person yeah because he doesn't know much he's too human yeah
00:16:06
he's too human i don't know anything is hillary clinton oh yeah is bill
00:16:11
oh yeah look at him he's a funky lizard he doesn't even hide it anymore he's one of those lizards that can change colors
00:16:16
when he goes into a new area yeah yeah his skin keeps changing and lizards love to play the saxophone
00:16:23
but why a lizard because there's certain there's that's an alien life form that came down
00:16:29
and inhabited our bodies there is a planet of lizards the blizzard of lizard people and look at this there's broccoli
00:16:34
call it shift yeah shape-shifter yeah and they can occupy bodies there's like an arachnic arachnid kind of a alien
00:16:41
species there's the big the big whites or whatever tall whites the tall whites that we were talking about you know whites little grays no let me ask you
00:16:47
something and then let me ask you something do you can you be completely honest with me doc
00:16:53
yeah [ __ ] yes you shoot um do you really believe in it oh yeah
00:17:00
do you believe that there are you to believe that hillary clinton is a lizard person oh no no i don't believe but you
00:17:06
believe that i like collecting information that's all about you like you believe that aliens
00:17:12
you're gonna fit right in in texas yeah you believe that aliens impregnated people on this planet oh i
00:17:18
don't know about that you don't believe it yeah i mean if it's if they saying that it is possible yeah let me ask you
00:17:24
this do aliens have penises good and what do they look like what are they doing some of them look like us you
00:17:30
think their penises are like ours no just regular old [ __ ] really so you think the lizard guy has just like a white regular good big dog everybody got
00:17:37
a dick a turtle or a [ __ ] you don't want to be more similar to a lizard stick than they got dicks whatever it looks like
00:17:43
they got dicks maybe aliens have two or three yeah they may have multiple she's watching too much anime
00:17:49
i think that's what it is the wrong guy yeah yeah yeah how many dicks maybe they're like octopuses they have dicks on every arm
00:17:55
so they [ __ ] me every night so i could be rude she's like they hug me and [ __ ] me while they're hugging me and rubbing
00:18:01
my hair yeah how many dicks do you think aliens have rudy maybe three three you think three is the
00:18:07
lucky number what are they are they for different things it's like one for sex one's for peeing and one's for beer
00:18:16
yeah maybe honestly jules if you saw a cute alien he's your age right he's got
00:18:23
harry styles but he also looks like a you know chameleon yeah like an uh you
00:18:28
know he's got some scaly things his nose might be might be up a little bit yeah there might just be two holes as noses
00:18:34
like a snake or whatever but but he's got a beautiful hairy you know he's like am i dick is like harry styles
00:18:40
or whatever is he is he smelly well he has dracaran yeah
00:18:46
yeah and cool water these are possible he mixes them you probably still [ __ ] use those a lot
00:18:52
which one do you have which one do you have i got fahrenheit jakarta
00:18:59
do you even know what these are these colognes she has no idea noir might be the most fahrenheit by the way do you
00:19:05
fahrenheit is is a little later than dracar but it was only for black people i don't even know why people would yeah
00:19:11
yeah i don't know why people could buy it i think i tried one time and they told me no like i beeped it out it's like newport cigarettes it's like only
00:19:17
for you can't buy it hennessy i can't buy hennessy yeah yeah yeah they give you a look every time you try to buy it yeah yeah there's
00:19:22
fahrenheit that's what doc adorns his body fahrenheit yeah that's sexy dude but
00:19:28
jules was like the first i in when i was in high school and also cool water cool water was where the davidoff
00:19:35
were the like the first like colognes that i bought like they were like there it is dracar noir all the way
00:19:40
to the right the black one yeah the black truck car noir and then cool water check that out should we buy this yeah let's get out to
00:19:47
a car let's get a car let's go to cool water look up cool water do you wear perfume rudy uh yeah what do you wear
00:19:53
the dkny here it is dkny there it is wow expensive man no chance
00:20:01
you could get that no no that's photo regular go up go up
00:20:14
oh yeah yeah that one is just like just free it's that when the checkout with like candy and gum
00:20:19
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00:20:30
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00:20:36
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00:20:42
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00:20:49
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00:20:55
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00:21:01
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00:21:13
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better help oh i love this people don't realize bob that physical symptoms like headaches teeth grinding and even
00:22:02
digestive issues which i have often you know one time i didn't poop for three days that's an indicator of stress okay
00:22:08
it's because of stress dude but you know what helps better help it does you know for me uh
00:22:14
especially during the pandemic right i needed somebody to talk to a professional i went to better help and i
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00:22:49
bad friends that's l b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p dot com slash bad
00:22:54
friends i like that you know what i saw one of those things today you know when someone does that um uh you never knew this on the internet
00:23:01
like i was how i was this days old when i learned blah blah they did this thing where they popped a
00:23:07
bag of popcorn and you know how like there's a little slit at the top that opens up and she goes don't empty out
00:23:12
the popcorn when the bag is full flip it upside down that's for all the seeds to come out so then you don't have seeds in
00:23:17
the bag anymore oh they're called life hacks life hacks yeah they're life hacks but also i like the
00:23:24
[ __ ] seeds because i eat the half pops don't you eat the half pops yeah you don't eat the half pop popcorn no i
00:23:30
love the happy i love the fruit they're so good like it's like burnt rice i love burning i love
00:23:40
on the bottom so the bottom layer is like a stone pot right and then when you when it comes the bibimbap comes i don't
00:23:46
even [ __ ] with it right away bruh let it sit i let it sit dog right and then once
00:23:51
i know that it's sizzling and [ __ ] crisp right i go to the bottom and i i'll scoop up the bottom and put it to
00:23:57
the top flip it over and so all the crispiness is in there oh right now you guys don't need
00:24:15
that annoys me i wish we had it here to show you yeah on the bottom of salt and pepper shakers okay every salt and
00:24:21
pepper shaker you know the standard round ones they're rivets there's a ton of rivets on the bottom what do you think the rivets on the bottom are for
00:24:26
it the whole bottom is ribbed it's riveted what do you think it's for guess
00:24:33
this is going to blow your mind when people at home are going to listen to this they're going to try it i don't know what's wrong okay so usually you just flip it over and shake
00:24:39
it out if you flip one of them over but leave the other one right side up and make them go bottom to bottom you rub
00:24:45
the rivets together and it evenly shakes out the salt of the pepper that's literally what it's for
00:24:51
what who cares
00:24:56
i just learned it i know but i imagine doing that i'm not doing that no you just flip one upside down and you're
00:25:02
once a flipping [ __ ] it's like it's like your grinder it's like it's like one of your grinders yeah
00:25:09
yeah yeah yeah except it's just you do you yeah i won't do that ever you will never flip one upside down and do it no
00:25:15
because i don't first of all never use salt and pepper in any of my food do you you don't use salt in your food
00:25:21
korean food has so much salt in it yeah they put it in there initially first i like adding it i want to add salt i add
00:25:28
salt yeah but i don't [ __ ] with it what when you go to dinner he doesn't go to [ __ ] denny's do you think i go to
00:25:33
denny's he won't go to places like that where do you go to daddy when do you go to denny's today whenever i can [ __ ] if
00:25:38
it's available i'm there let me stop it let me stop this okay all right
00:25:44
denny's is the place where you go when everything else is closed that's
00:25:50
right that or 24 or ihop right those are a late night car like when you're on the road it's two in the
00:25:56
morning after your second show and they're like they're like waffle house or denny's those are the only options i go but i would never go during the day
00:26:03
now you're being diminutive what if this is his favorite meal it's not the moon's over miami is the best thing
00:26:18
it's only when i'm like drunk or late at night or everything's closed i've never had denny's sober yeah well yeah or i've
00:26:25
never had this or conscious awake alive for the pulse yeah yeah i've zombied my way into a denny's and
00:26:31
slapped it in my face i've hit my head on cement and then gone in there right accidentally but is this a mortons or
00:26:37
whatever you know what i mean my eye from the concussion was just wandering around you blowing my mind though you from chicago never
00:26:43
no but what does that mean what if chicago they're everywhere yeah yeah there's like six thousand regional things i'm like that's chicago and l.a
00:26:50
that's all for me westerners we [ __ ] what denny's like yeah but what in the midwest dude we have so many mom and pop
00:26:55
shops that are open late there's so many like shitty little diners that are open late i love those by the way
00:27:01
yeah yeah i'll rather go there you want a good breakfast bro lucky boy
00:27:07
lucky boy right in pasadena lucky boy you go there dude you get a breakfast burrito with
00:27:14
bacon you get um a little cider ranch and some hot sauce with it there's nothing better is that your
00:27:20
favorite breakfast burrito there's one also in burbank but you never know when it's open it's called
00:27:26
the corner cottage i know corner cottage yeah you have you in there yeah great breakfast no it is i think the best breakfast burrito is uh um colfax colfax
00:27:33
yeah best the best it's the best those are the top three yeah that's way up there yeah yeah you don't eat products
00:27:38
you don't [ __ ] with any of those well yeah well the one i [ __ ] with is benito's taco zone bonito's tacos
00:27:45
on pico but no well they got one on pickle and they got one on beverly do you know those commercials
00:27:50
oh my god angry but why because it's like is it good
00:27:58
let me let's be honest with you i'm not talking to this guy he he thinks denny's is a [ __ ]
00:28:03
maestro here you go yeah yeah no
00:28:08
no it's good yeah no i'm gonna tell you something yeah cause he's gonna be pissed he's got benito's ground up in that correct that's not even
00:28:17
danny lucas is going to be pissed off at y'all because he won't recommend it to me danny lucas did yeah yeah so he's
00:28:23
going to be mad at us yeah okay that's where i go to all my restaurant recommendations by the way
00:28:28
by the way last night it was at the comedy store can we talk about a little bit yeah i want to talk about this yeah they told me that um
00:28:36
why can't they think of his [ __ ] name now the guy that you sell on the thai place on santa monica and west hollywood uh kirk kirk no no yeah oh it was kirk
00:28:42
yeah he's okay i'm glad you brought his name up okay because he said something to me last
00:28:48
night that triggered me so hard i almost went insane what
00:28:54
so okay let's just a little back story all right okay do you remember kirk kirk fox no the chinese uh manager used is that his
00:29:00
name the chinese manager that we had in the late 90s you know um the the conversation wasn't doing well
00:29:07
so mitzi decided and bring him back you know what i mean my thai contingency
00:29:14
right so in the [ __ ] 70s i guess a bunch of thai people work there and they ca apparently the whole kitchen was all tied they're all tied right so this dude
00:29:20
right i guess he was in the military or something if you're a minute late you're fired
00:29:26
you're i mean this is a comedy club right you know you're supposed to stand and i think i told you right there you know
00:29:32
like he's like that kind of guy right but this is what this fool what this fool used to do is i i snuck at spots
00:29:38
yeah so because i kind of played my asian angle like come on man we're both you know what i
00:29:44
mean so then what he would do is he would just walk up to me as a doorman he would go you want to go up tonight
00:29:50
and i'd be like yeah you get prime spot and it would just put me up in a good spot you got a good slot
00:29:56
yeah earlier on the list or anything like that that's good to piss people off so i haven't seen this fool in 25 years
00:30:02
right yeah so i met the [ __ ] party last night i'm about to leave and i see him and he's kind of swaggering toward me
00:30:09
because hey i would remember you and i go oh what's up because
00:30:15
how could everybody hear a billionaire millionaire everybody killing you know doing very good you lose her
00:30:21
[Laughter] what do you mean because you got nothing
00:30:26
because i was dressed the way i was yeah he thinks you're poor because i'm poor because the way i was dressed right you
00:30:31
got nothing ever happened between you right and like a [ __ ] [ __ ] i got that's
00:30:36
one of my triggers right oh yeah and i go is that why i have this house and this
00:30:42
car i just bought you know me like i'm like like a [ __ ] [ __ ] trying to convince
00:30:47
them that you haven't just i'm trying to like [ __ ] convince him but it really triggered me the problem
00:30:52
is bob everybody wore suits i know and you wore [ __ ] street a metallica
00:30:58
everybody wore suits dude everyone was dressed up i was right i was wearing a dress shirt and dress slash because a jacket was insane it was too hot yeah
00:31:04
yeah this guy showed up wearing what you saw in that picture with little black magic yeah yeah uh that's oh this is oh yeah that's
00:31:10
there i am with me and sickler yeah dude love that guy really funny the man great guy there's matt lockwood yeah
00:31:16
look at matt having a night yeah it was a good night look at matt having a little night so i'll just i'll just tell
00:31:21
you what the party was right when i showed up i'm like i realized right off the bat
00:31:27
that this is going to be a [ __ ] because you have you know the guys that normally play there now yeah like the
00:31:34
jazzlenecks the leslie jones right but then you also have everyone from the past
00:31:41
yeah right and and a lot of i mean the past the past like he's still alive
00:31:46
there were guys that that were that had the walking with a bag you know like the drip like the dude
00:31:52
they were walking through the hallway it was so [ __ ] weird to see guys so old right
00:31:57
so there was a lot of like and there were there was a lot of like we can't go down that way because i cannot run into
00:32:02
that guy yeah no but then there are other people looking at me like you know me i can't run into him right so it's just a bunch of people avoiding each
00:32:08
other right and it's like a lot of thirst that you can feel a lot of thirst and i did make fun of there was a lot of
00:32:15
agents and managers who snuck around and that's fine but also this is our night
00:32:21
it's for comics i there was yeah yeah yeah it's like this is our little get a little jazz in that little get together and they had buddy buddy the band
00:32:28
mitzi's favorite band buddy rich iconic and when i first arrived there um
00:32:33
tom driessen who's a legend legend you know tom don't you know tom comes up to me and he goes you got to go inside
00:32:39
and see but the best
00:32:47
you got to go inside and see the buddy rich band and i said oh the buddy rich band is in there and i go uh who is it it's all the
00:32:54
remaining members of all the band so look it's like the 10 remaining members were there and he goes he toured
00:33:00
this is a great i mean [ __ ] tom jason if you if you are a comedy fan buy his [ __ ] book and read about his stories
00:33:06
of him and sinatra it's insane he was a kid when he toured with sinatra him sinatra and buddy rich and buddy rich hated that it went buddy
00:33:13
um drison sinatra and so he goes why the [ __ ] is a kid why the [ __ ] does the kid get to go before you it should go the
00:33:19
kid me then you oh wow and in front of him right tom's tom's like uncomfortable and he's young
00:33:25
and he goes well i i'll go you know wherever and frank goes no no no you can't do you can't do comedy music music
00:33:31
it's got to go music comedy music you got to break it up that's insane so he so apparently he hated him he didn't like
00:33:38
him or he not hate him but he had a trouble with tom yeah and he goes he had a lot of trouble with a lot of people
00:33:44
he was apparently this guy and i don't know the name it's like an old lounge act or something used to call buddy's house like often and would go hey is uh
00:33:52
is buddy there and his wife would answer and go no and i'm sorry to tell you this but buddy's dead and he would go no i know
00:33:59
i'd just like to hear you say it and then hang up the phone that's
00:34:06
this guy would do this all the time yeah because he [ __ ] hated the guy he just wanted to hear his wife that is
00:34:12
really funny but the band played last night and they were [ __ ] awesome don't [ __ ] give me [ __ ] dude you this
00:34:18
is what happened what do you mean peter short this is what happened peter shore goes up does that speech yeah they do a
00:34:23
little speech then the mayor comes out or whatever mayor of comedy what was that who was that i don't know but i didn't hear where she i didn't hear a
00:34:29
word people were booing it was you can't have a room full of comics not talking [ __ ] when someone's
00:34:34
trying to talk it was impossible and as soon as peter goes and the buddy reached we everyone just stood up and left the
00:34:40
[ __ ] room i stayed how long five seconds no one stayed for that i wanted to hear
00:34:47
a little bit of the jazz yeah yeah yeah yeah just a little bit of the yes yeah but they were good but you know who i i'll who who did you see last night that
00:34:54
made you feel good matt knows shout out to matt knows i haven't seen him in a long time dude i haven't seen him in [ __ ] years yeah and we sat and we
00:35:00
chatted and that dude was such a good guy a good egg a funny comedian yeah i saw him and we chatted outside for like
00:35:06
oh he's funny for 20 minutes dude he is us but but honestly yeah a lot of funny guys we come across not a
00:35:13
lot of like solid dudes yeah i know if i if i called him and if i was like hey man i'm in a bad way he would help me
00:35:19
out we don't even talk anymore yeah yeah so we're seeing the older guys though oh steve middleman yeah middleman was there
00:35:25
yeah it was kind of you know him yeah yeah i mean we don't i don't know him i know who he is do you ever see the movie roxanne yeah
00:35:31
roxanne yeah did you steve martin i've seen it before yeah he was in the movie you've seen this guy you've seen him a million times yeah yeah yeah yeah when i
00:35:38
saw him i gave him and when i literally i'm not kidding you i hugged him and i
00:35:44
my ear was against his chest because he's tall his bones broke no yeah that and i didn't hear heartbeat
00:35:52
i literally heard no heartbeat this is what i heard
00:35:58
i'll tell you what though last night i pulled up and we parked in the behind that andaz hotel yeah and paulie from
00:36:04
the balcony sees me i'm talking to sandy danto um and josh martin and uh brenton brenton
00:36:11
yeah and and i'm talking about calm yeah biblical yeah i'm just my mouth diarrhea yeah and then paulie's
00:36:16
standing on his balcony and he goes who is that who else looks like me
00:36:22
who the [ __ ] else looks like yeah i go it's santino and he goes
00:36:28
i know yeah yeah i know he's weird i didn't get i was like is there a bit to be had here
00:36:34
yeah so then i go hey paulie and he goes cool and i pull my car in and then i waited because they were all walking
00:36:40
down because i didn't want to walk with them yeah so i waited in my car for like six minutes yeah because i was uncomfortable i was like what was that
00:36:46
but there was also a david lynch like element to last night could you just be talking to somebody else you see tanya
00:36:52
lee davis in her little moped she loves us yeah and she's speaking backwards
00:37:02
it's just weird what a weird night it was a creepy time dave is very funny by the way but it was it was a weird fun
00:37:18
you know why he has so much resentment to that place i love the comics and everybody no no i mean you would have been a hit
00:37:24
there dude well to be honest with y'all they invited me bob will even contact me like man you won't come i'm like nah i'm not
00:37:30
coming wait why didn't you go for real yeah be real because it's after what happened with peter and
00:37:36
paulie there with me for me i was like nah i can't deal with them but it's fine now and they were barely there no no no no it's it's it's
00:37:43
more than that it's too long to talk about so let's just go we have a whole podcast well you know the whole it's like the
00:37:49
whole like like that like when the shooting happened right yeah remember when i went down i was there i was there that night
00:37:56
you were there on the patio i wasn't i wasn't near the shooter i was at the club that night that guy got shot [ __ ] i
00:38:01
was like okay were you not there i wasn't there that and i had left now i was there that night i was i wasn't anywhere near it i was inside the
00:38:07
[ __ ] did you see the body no i wasn't there oh you weren't there it wasn't there yeah but they had a
00:38:12
meeting about it shot him in the chest right a guy just walked up and shot a guy in the [ __ ] chest yeah and then josh
00:38:18
josh nasser held the guy's body or something what did everybody ask him what it felt like
00:38:24
no no no i think i asked him i go well you must have some ptsd from it i
00:38:29
mean that's dramatic right he said nah not at all no not really i mean for me turn off my sound i just know that if i
00:38:36
was there that night it would have really because i'm so sensitive to murder murder tends to be yeah that's a little
00:38:42
too sensitive to murder you know you're very very sensitive very very very sensitive oh it's three yeah yeah yeah i
00:38:49
get that like if jewels if you saw somebody shot and dying would that scar you i think so yeah yeah i highly doubt
00:38:56
it with her yeah yeah she's not i bet you we could show you a dead body i'd be traumatized really though don't you like
00:39:02
that stuff i like it but would you want to touch it yeah you want to feel it yeah yes have
00:39:08
you ever touched a dead body no oh i want to try see it's not like a magic mountain
00:39:14
all right what yeah what's been going on with you i like these batman socks those are cool
00:39:22
what's been going on nothing yeah do you have no shoes here she has this she has a and you know i
00:39:28
mentioned this earlier she has a smile and a mischievous grin
00:39:33
yeah it's been going on a little bit yeah that she's up to something and i can't get to the bottom what are you up
00:39:38
to i told you to worry i'm not going anywhere i'm just staying at home i'm
00:39:44
not doing anything yeah but what's online though you're up to no good on the computer and the phone and the ipad and stuff nothing you're
00:39:50
not let me see your search history no no see you won't surrender it because you're looking at dirty stuff no i'm not
00:39:57
perfect now when you said that you wanted to go to the strip club are you interested in women no but i want to see boobs
00:40:05
you do like boobs yeah everybody likes a good booty but would you okay so would you get a
00:40:10
lap dance would you get like a private dance if we bought you one yeah all right maybe we'll have to buy her a
00:40:15
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dollars that's harry.com bad friends harrys.com bad friends i also they called me about
00:42:37
what we went on stage and i don't know why i'm responsible for that but i told them because everybody else does everything all the time so they want you
00:42:43
to do one thing right so i said uh we want chairs [Music] yeah yeah
00:42:49
i want chairs i said i want sugar-free red bull good start right water smart
00:42:54
here's the third thing that i said that was smart a monitor pretty oh yeah thank god yeah
00:43:00
a monitor deer can but i said four mics four mics yeah we're gonna have we're
00:43:05
gonna have guests come and go come and go so it's gonna be one two it's gonna me me you rudy doc unfortunately can't
00:43:12
go because of texas laws yeah um i don't make them we just we tend to get on the rides you can't get on the plane
00:43:18
yeah yeah yeah but we can put you in the storage compartment above okay maybe if we can
00:43:23
make a big enough paper plane we can put you on it throw it out i don't do strip clubs though so i don't
00:43:30
want to go wait you don't do teddy bars ever i do but i got robbed for my vino in vegas so i don't here's the story all
00:43:36
right cheetahs i went to cheetahs in vegas right yeah so my goal was to go in the strip club and not get no lap dance that
00:43:42
was my goal i just wanna just want to look a little bit right so every chick kept coming up to me and asking me to dance yeah get the [ __ ] out
00:43:50
no i don't wanna dab get the [ __ ] out you got pimples on your ass [ __ ] like that right so now oh you're being nice
00:43:55
to him then well pretty much yeah so then uh and it's also good to say something what's there
00:44:00
what they're human beings they get pimples yeah you get them yeah yeah yeah you've never had a pimple on your ass yeah yeah i've had
00:44:06
pimples i have one right now yeah yeah and she yeah she might didn't have time to put clear cell on her ass you know
00:44:12
what i mean and you know i mean she has two kids she's in a busy day right so you don't have to be hey man cut that [ __ ] and break yeah
00:44:18
yeah yeah well say that again say it again so kick that well you're also kicking them yeah
00:44:23
basically assaulting you kick yourself yeah you don't have to gallery
00:44:28
look at that little foot yeah
00:44:37
all right so wait so you push them away you kick them away yeah so i don't know i guess they went in they are someone they don't send the
00:44:43
baddest chick you got so they i'm sorry are you king louis the 14th i
00:44:48
mean what who the [ __ ] do you think who are you bring me the holistic you i didn't ask for you're
00:44:55
not elon musk blackmagic is here send the baddest [ __ ] out
00:45:01
yes little black magic he's sitting in a church you can't miss it his feet aren't touching the ground
00:45:06
he's kicking his little legs around he's asked for shirley temples all night yeah bring him the baddest [ __ ] we've got on
00:45:11
the floor anyway so they sent me the baddest [ __ ] asian yeah asian woman i've ever i said
00:45:18
god damn she grabbing she said you want lap dance i was like [ __ ] yeah so she's like oh okay so she's dancing on me and
00:45:24
then she's kissing and licking i'm like oh man this chick is nice okay and then she goes i like brothers i like brothers
00:45:29
it's okay okay she had an accent look yeah what did it sound like i like brothers i like rather some something
00:45:35
like that you know it was sexier it was so racist do it one more time yeah yeah i like brothers i like brothers
00:45:43
yeah something like that you got it yeah yeah i like sisters too you know why i got it that was me dude
00:45:48
[Laughter] so
00:45:54
song ends she says you know what i like you so much i want to give you another dance
00:45:59
i'm like okay and i had two dreams on the side it was free she gave me a free lap dance
00:46:05
no no no no that's that's exactly exactly so she gets through dancing and she was like you're so sweet and she
00:46:11
walks away and i'm like boy you sweet too and i go to grab my drinks and they're [ __ ] gone bro two goddamn
00:46:17
drinks it was twenty dollars they [ __ ] robbed me bro that's not it's not robbery that's not a problem oh
00:46:24
you don't think that's robberies no they stole my [ __ ] bro yeah bro okay i didn't get gunpoint you
00:46:30
just had them take a drink from you michael bay presents yeah
00:46:48
that's the [ __ ] movie dude that's a [ __ ] movie that's not a robbery dude well [ __ ] it you know what yeah yeah so you think that's right ten dollars to
00:46:54
get in damn twenty dollars for those two drinks and they took them from that's [ __ ] robbery to me i don't give a [ __ ] that's like good bro you got away
00:47:00
with murder you had a free laugh those are hundred dollars they stole my vino bro don't you like i
00:47:06
don't get that huh alcohol
00:47:18
[Applause] he's ptsd with asian [ __ ] stealing his wine
00:47:32
i know [Music] i need
00:47:38
wine inside of me [Music]
00:47:46
oh i like that that was [ __ ] you didn't feel that that was [ __ ] amazing dawg i was [ __ ] in espanol
00:47:55
[Music] el vino then throw
00:48:02
damie come on man you don't feel the soul in that you don't feel it you're getting
00:48:08
scary [Laughter]
00:48:14
dude that you're right you're right that was you get it you get a little scary you get scary dude what do you think that is
00:48:21
there's something deep inside you yeah you know i just uh
00:48:26
maybe need some therapy a little bit well let's do some right now yeah yeah okay dude honestly the way that you're
00:48:32
positioned in that chair yeah it's funny because rudy looks like she fills out the chair yeah and you look like a little t-rex in
00:48:38
that little chair a little brown t-rex in that chair or his little arms
00:48:44
let's do some therapy doc what is causing you the most pain and or sadness right now and or sadness
00:48:50
mom's gone mom is gone oh my hate sucks man my mom is alive yeah and then y'all
00:48:56
be teased we both haven't seen our moms are your mom alive
00:49:08
[Laughter]
00:49:20
that's causing the most pain and issue right yeah i would say that when did she die again 2017.
00:49:26
also four years ago five years ago almost five years yeah i'm sorry that sucks that that is [ __ ] how did she
00:49:31
die uh cancer ah that's which one is kind of ovarian does it matter [ __ ]
00:49:37
what do you mean does it matter it doesn't matter what kind well you always want to know which one yeah yeah is there a special kind that's even cooler
00:49:42
than some of them are neater than others yeah for sure it's ovarian cooler than longer i think lungs way cooler yeah i
00:49:48
like blood blood is cool yeah that's cool yeah you don't know where it is yeah it's all over the place where's the cancer today
00:49:55
all right let's go back to reality go back to reality we i love you i for real i love you to death and i'm sorry that
00:50:00
your mother is gone that is causing you the most how does this problem typically make you feel how does losing your mother make
00:50:06
you feel day-to-day well she was with me when i first started comedy and of course it's your mom you know what i'm saying so now it's like i'm taking this
00:50:13
journey by myself but you're not by yourself you're with us yeah yeah yeah but y'all ain't got it you know what i mean
00:50:18
like like mom's at the [ __ ] okay how do you want to cherish better i feel like we've done more for you in terms of
00:50:24
comedy then your mind then your mom has i feel like that's true no bro what did she do really does she have a podcast that they should you brought you went on
00:50:30
there and she laughed she what she laughed at these jokes she laughed at his job
00:50:37
give it away
00:50:46
when you when you walk in here i smile yeah i didn't know you were coming they don't
00:50:51
tell us so when i walked in i'm like oh thank god he's here i love it i love seeing you yeah all right so let's say
00:50:57
i'm reading this off of a sheet because i don't know how to do this but what what makes the problem better what makes what makes you feel better
00:51:03
when there's a moment that passes about you being sad about losing your mom what makes you feel better for real comedy being around y'all this makes you feel
00:51:08
better see what the [ __ ] i love that's that's real talk like also can i can i and this is real i'm not trying to make
00:51:14
a joke or anything right okay might be wrong below it might be a joke but maybe but i just feel like you know
00:51:21
your heart is closed a little bit because you don't have a significant other you know i mean yeah
00:51:28
and it's like do you want love yeah i think that if you have if you fell in love with somebody a woman right
00:51:33
right or a man it doesn't matter it doesn't matter yeah yeah yeah well yeah yeah or trans or trans person yeah it could
00:51:40
be anybody yeah post-op pre-op when i mean when i said woman you know what i meant though
00:51:45
guy man yeah keep going yeah so i think that if you like you
00:51:52
know when my dad died right it hurt it was
00:51:57
terrible right but i do have other people that i love as well you know i mean so yeah him and uh
00:52:03
my girlfriend and whatnot my brother and other things so not rudy you know what love is a two-way stream
00:52:10
yeah i'm gonna say something right now she doesn't drive that way you never like every day i go what are you doing today how are
00:52:17
you right on all these questions and stuff you never asked me [ __ ] you don't give a [ __ ] i asked you yesterday if you were
00:52:24
negative from no no no yeah yeah because that's selfish because you don't want to get sick
00:52:31
still i ask i guess that counts i guess that counts so so brilliant so why don't we find you
00:52:38
a significant other oh we are we've tried before on the show but we didn't take it seriously i want
00:52:43
to be real about it i don't have the problem not meeting women no no you're not listening what are you saying yeah yeah yeah you can
00:52:48
get laid her though y'all don't even know what i like yes we do yes we do your ideal woman
00:52:56
she's got to be alive right yup breathing breathing alive right uh hair or no hair either one yeah hey man i
00:53:03
love them all oh and you want breasts in between a and double d okay anywhere you want two legs two arms
00:53:10
fingers ten toes perfect eyesight and a massive beefy vagina
00:53:21
oh yeah but you know yeah yeah no offense to the layers it's not an armadillo
00:53:26
like it's not scaled i'm just saying one beef chunk one beef chunk let us find who's he's saying we're not
00:53:33
being he's not being condescending you can get laid doc we need to get laid right we want to find you love intimacy
00:53:38
someone that you really want to be with you share yourself with you know man you're feeling cause you're a beautiful human and someone needs to someone
00:53:44
someone is going to want to come home to you at night i have to say something though i feel bad about this my family like my aunts my that's my great aunt
00:53:52
they'll step up but a little step above you off sorry about that not finished all right we'll [ __ ] have it
00:53:59
[ __ ] yeah number one [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] yeah y'all down here number five
00:54:04
now i don't hope you follow me yeah yeah all right you [ __ ] how dare you all right your aunts are above you what
00:54:12
the [ __ ] does that mean [ __ ] face so mean it is what it is bro okay well yeah you right to you
00:54:19
you feel more love and they're above us you respect them more than us yeah there it is okay okay but we're very i don't
00:54:26
know what their skill sets are yeah what do they do what do you do that's so good are they hilarious touring comedians
00:54:32
uh we talk on the phone often like my great honor talk to her every day i would talk to you every day if you didn't bombard me with your pregnancy
00:54:40
stairs at nine in the morning you know man i'm not good at texting i don't even like texting no i don't i'm fine i'm not
00:54:46
texting you but if you're gonna text me don't make me feel like something happened and then tell me there's a pregnancy scare with a ufo
00:54:54
just don't go that route hey man yeah i was just scared to talk about it on the podcast no you could text me and go what
00:55:00
up how are you i'll look i'll respond we'll have a chat yeah that's true that's true but you know what okay oh this world too what positive changes do
00:55:06
you want to make in your life yeah yeah what are your characters do you have character defects that you want to change
00:55:13
i want to lose weight continue i have my patients could be a little bit a little bit better are you a road rage
00:55:19
yeah man like what's the worst no you know where i have rage in the grocery store where i work i just
00:55:26
man [ __ ] i'll be mad i've been here wait why why the people who bring dogs in and [ __ ]
00:55:32
man i'd be like [ __ ] man i don't know what the [ __ ] don't do they be coming in with goddamn
00:55:37
gentleman sherpas i'm like are you [ __ ] kidding me gentlemen shepherds yeah
00:55:43
those are good breed i feel like those are the nicest of them which is like a little weird that you
00:55:50
would call them gentlemen i think that it's subliminal and i think there's something else that you're trying to express but i'll let it go we'll let it
00:55:56
slide when people bring in dogs it makes you the most mad why because they [ __ ]
00:56:13
because it's not that it's when they have them they have them on a leash and they be in the way while you're trying to shop it's not like a [ __ ] kid the
00:56:19
kid just walks out the way but the dog dumbasses me standing there like this and i won't call it dog dumb the [ __ ] people the people who had a [ __ ] dog
00:56:25
i'm like [ __ ] so why don't you say something why don't you go i said one time i told this lady i said hey excuse me your dog in a way she said
00:56:31
oh okay get over here fight oh get over here and then she pulls him over to the side right and then i get ready to push the cart and the [ __ ] dog went right
00:56:38
back across and i said lady your dog's over there she looked back she said oh he did it again i'm like yeah [ __ ] he
00:56:43
did it again yeah you're a homicide you're a homicidal maniac
00:56:49
you need help dude i am very very very worried
00:56:56
yeah that woman that [ __ ] man did you imagine the woman she's like it's just a dog it's a dog
00:57:01
they'd be all over and they'd be in the [ __ ] way man y'all don't get it do you do that with babies too no the
00:57:07
babies i'll be like cool you know what i'm saying babies though i'd be like
00:57:13
the dog never knows to move the [ __ ] out the way that's right yeah well then don't go to a grocery store and [ __ ] in the philippines there's chickens and all
00:57:19
kinds of things in your way yeah yeah yeah that is the grocery store it's
00:57:25
just a room filled with live animals you gotta go oh yeah but that's cool though but just you know what i mean
00:57:31
look i know i know what you're saying i don't know why you're so mad about it yeah do i get angry shopping grocery
00:57:37
shopping all the employees do oh the oh so this is a this is a common theme if you go to the ralphs on violin inventory
00:57:44
they have a goal everything [ __ ] i got everyone everyone today
00:57:51
everyone's nice of course we'll go to the routes yeah or go to ralph's i go to rock and roll can y'all pretend with me god damn okay so
00:57:57
there's a sign when you go there it says no dogs unless service dog please
00:58:03
so people are not coming in with service dogs they're coming in with just their dogs right that's ask for the
00:58:08
identification say is that dog a service dog don't they have to show you yeah don't they have a little vest on that i'm a service dog yeah no you have to
00:58:15
provide yourself all right right no no you're allowed to ask but they don't have to prove they don't have to prove it right so they could just say
00:58:21
yes and keep walking and that's what they do yes go make you a goddamn line this [ __ ] chihuahua in the service
00:58:27
man it could be on a scale of zero to ten how content are you with your life i'm about
00:58:34
be honest with you i'm about to team be honest you're very content yeah that's correct for the dog thing
00:58:39
for the dog yeah yeah that knocks it down there's life now but life throws you some curveballs that's cool what's the biggest like gay serial killers
00:58:47
you're going back there okay how about this uh do you feel yeah do you set positive
00:58:54
goals have you set goals for your work life relationships love and all that stuff yeah always do you have a vision
00:58:59
board oh my god what do you tell me you have a vision for it i took it down cause i couldn't
00:59:09
well we're interested in trying to get to the core of you but you're so closed off can i tell you something that happened to me at air one
00:59:15
and i want to see if you would get angry at this do you know heroin what is that yeah okay it's a it's a fancy health
00:59:21
food store look at this it's spelled weird you've probably seen that sign it looks like ear juan so i'm i want to get a a peanut butter
00:59:28
last smoothie let's do that again yeah haley maybe dude i felt it for a second
00:59:38
bob i'm waiting in line right there's a guy
00:59:43
ahead of me right and probably five minutes i'm there right and there's other people gathering
00:59:49
on this other side afterwards and then an employee comes up to me and she goes that's not the line the line's
00:59:55
there right but i was there before the three oh i don't like this that was already in
01:00:00
line i don't like this so i go oh i [ __ ] up well i'll i guess i get to go next obviously obviously because i've
01:00:06
been [ __ ] waiting here but that's not what happened did the people cut you off they go no in the back no yeah [ __ ] you
01:00:12
yeah and i did that and then now i'm trying to do like my meditations you know
01:00:17
breathe you live in the moment it's okay just be mindful you're not trying to do all that i'm just rages coming out of my eyes
01:00:23
right and then the ladies that said that's the line she
01:00:28
runs to open up the other register to do me yeah right and i go no
01:00:35
i'm waiting in this like a [ __ ] [ __ ] why wouldn't you let her go why wouldn't you let her do that for you
01:00:41
no why because i should have been next i know but she wanted to make you feel it doesn't matter she should have said
01:00:46
excuse me guys he waited in the long he was there before you should go here well let's get her fired yeah let's get her
01:00:53
[ __ ] fire that happened to you what would you do all right but would you wait in line
01:00:58
would you said something i would have said something see i don't say things do you say things you better [ __ ] but you're nuts
01:01:06
you know me you're [ __ ] popular i'm the first one that says something but i do it but i do it in a way
01:01:11
that's like uh it's bullyish but disarming where like if that happened to me i'd go oh that
01:01:17
seems unfair and then someone would be like i gotta go that's weird i thought i thought for sure i've been waiting all
01:01:22
right i mean this is [ __ ] stupid passive aggressive right passive aggressive weird
01:01:28
it works i know oh so you think they'd be like oh well excuse me no someone goes someone will go oh were you were
01:01:33
you here and i go yeah i was waiting this was [ __ ] but i blame it on another thing so i don't make the people feel bad but everybody blame it on the
01:01:39
system everyone heard the transaction i know right so we all know who did it like if i if i was in line and then i
01:01:46
heard i would have been oh no dude you're next like i would if i was in the line and i heard that yeah i would have been like
01:01:51
no you go ahead because you were waiting but let me tell you something most people don't have spatial awareness most people aren't don't do you know what
01:01:57
else do i do if i'm in line and the guys are back at me like if i have a bunch of [ __ ] and there's a
01:02:02
guy in back of me with one olive one let him go i'll just is that all you're getting he's like yeah go ahead i do that every time yeah but people don't do
01:02:08
that i don't know people are [ __ ] [ __ ] he would never do that that guy's going to hold that goddamn bottle until i get
01:02:14
through my goddamn 90 groceries that's what he's going to piece of [ __ ] i gotta go
01:02:20
you're a human garbage dude i just thought you were just an alien i didn't know you were cancelled
01:02:26
i said independence day you wouldn't let a guy with one [ __ ] thing go in front of you for what just because he's gonna let him knock it out he doesn't want to
01:02:32
wait for all your [ __ ] he should have came at a different time bro like i passive aggressively like
01:02:37
call out places that i didn't like the way they treated me or i like the you know their system of doing things you remember do you remember when i had my
01:02:43
old podcast in the in that in that by the target on la brea yeah
01:02:49
and so we walk by i'll never forget bobby walked by there's a fancy invite only clothing
01:02:56
store right there it's hidden you wouldn't even know it's there it's super [ __ ] high end and you can only go
01:03:01
there if you have an invite there's a guy in a suit that stands outside it's like la brea where the target is and i go get bobby parked down that
01:03:07
street and bobby's smoking a cigarette and he goes what's this man and the guy in the suit's like
01:03:14
it's a retail shop and he and bobby already was pissed off and so he's smoking he's like what do you mean i want what is it what is it
01:03:20
what are you selling and he goes it's invitation only and bob's like i could get an invite i could get a lot
01:03:25
of invites if i needed it but i could i could get invites today right now he got you could say he's so frustrated
01:03:31
and then he keeps smoking and he goes i want to be able to go inside you were so [ __ ] mad
01:03:37
and you and you and you go and the guy's like sorry it's invite only and he was [ __ ] he [ __ ] us right off i was like come on bob let's go yeah and as bobby's
01:03:42
walking away bobby goes i'm famous to me i'm famous i should be able to go inside i don't ever say that yes you do yes why
01:03:49
would i say that's [ __ ] ridiculous i am famous see i'm kidding no you are famous and you're
01:03:55
famous but you were mad you're famous you were so mad you couldn't get in there you were he was like yeah i don't like hoi for the first 15 minutes yeah
01:04:01
podcast he was sitting there like this yeah why wouldn't that guy [ __ ] let us into that i was like who gives a [ __ ] there's a place in los
01:04:08
feliz so kevin christie tells me you don't like being denied yeah kevin christie goes there's a clothing support store in los
01:04:14
feliz but i don't know if you'll be able to get in a clothes like this yeah yes but what it
01:04:19
is is it you have to ring a doorbell right sexy and you know i rang it and i
01:04:26
could see like a little thing open they looked at me and they just never opened the door
01:04:32
they closed it back yeah and i i remember just being furious because i was gonna
01:04:37
buy [ __ ] yeah a lot probably a lot yeah yeah a lot right but it's like i hate that hoity-toity but you but you do like
01:04:43
fashion stuff you would work hard to be in that world you like that world what are you talking about you like high-end [ __ ] that's that's tough to get
01:04:50
no i like here's my wardrobe here's my preferred wardrobe really expensive t-shirts
01:04:57
no my t-shirts are vintage sometimes right and sometimes they are expensive very my jeans are expensive but i only
01:05:04
wear the only two pair through my whole life okay that's my rule all right i'm wearing one of them now right and my sh
01:05:10
i like weird shoes like you just you i have nothing yeah
01:05:16
these are those like peloton shoes what the [ __ ] are those for biking
01:05:23
what are these called these these look like these are for handicapped people this is this is this is like
01:05:30
[Laughter] i waited a week for those to come in
01:05:37
okay i couldn't wait for them to come so what no no but was this really expensive this shoe what are we talking be real a
01:05:42
couple hundred bucks three 250 maybe that's not expensive is it yeah is it not yeah gucci gym shoes you
01:05:50
have gucci gym now but i've had them what happened to them yeah well because i had that's when i was selling cracking
01:05:55
[ __ ] give me the first mistake it's the only time i heard you i'm just
01:06:01
telling you the truth when you were selling crack you had gucci gym shoes don't you think that was kind of a red flag for the cops well
01:06:08
yeah cause we was the name the gucci boys and anytime we wore anything gucci they would pull us over so you took all
01:06:13
this crack money and bakuchi [ __ ] gucci feeler they changed the name of your
01:06:19
[ __ ] group and called it the gap boys yeah cap kids gap kids kids you get your clothes there
01:06:26
yeah but i had a rare gucci how many how many people were on the the team of crack crack the crack squad the gucci
01:06:32
boys crackers oh [ __ ] two probably about two 250 or something like that 250 people selling crack on
01:06:39
your team but in different areas but they're all well all the gucci boys was like a total
01:06:45
of probably about two 250 i think well now what was it did you have to show up with gucci when you went to the meetings so there's gucci is a gang in michigan
01:06:52
that was when i was younger see if you could look them up the gucci boys gang michigan detroit detroit gucci boys
01:06:58
detroit gang i want to see what what would your clothing gang be if you were what would your brand design gang be oh
01:07:05
uh it would probably be um fred siegel the fred seagal frank yeah
01:07:11
what would what would rudy's be city target
01:07:18
goodwill the goodwill gang the goodwill game that actually sounds different where do you get your clothes and this
01:07:24
coming from someone with no fashion i don't i don't i wear t-shirts all right country boys gang member found guilty of
01:07:30
attempted first-degree murder oh that's real carlos wheeler 28 been found guilty of conspiracy they're still probably
01:07:35
going around yeah they're still the younger guys do you ever reach out to some of the old gooch boys yeah i got them
01:07:40
a lot of fun dude on gang is on facebook that's so [ __ ] cute yeah it's cute that's what zuckerberg initially intended it for
01:07:48
gang meetups on facebook yeah carlos wheeler gucci boy gang look we're gonna now we're getting clipped but the
01:07:53
government's gonna listen to us for the alien stuff and now we're going to get [ __ ] by a gang yeah have you ever had an abuse a physically
01:07:59
abusive relationship has a woman ever struck you had a girl throw a knife at me
01:08:05
[ __ ] yeah why because we were breaking up
01:08:10
and she was mad that i was breaking up with her she threw a knife at me that's the worst but her aim was so bad
01:08:18
it hit like the [ __ ] other wall he was like what yeah holy [ __ ] i'm definitely out of here um if she would
01:08:24
have hit me i might have stayed that's i think that's one of the worst things to do what is because i've been every
01:08:31
relationship aside from kalila i was always the one that had to break up when they and i always do it out of
01:08:37
nowhere right there's no like you don't mean there's no like it's not like an anniversary dinner or something yeah
01:08:43
yeah oh my god maybe you look beautiful we're done but it's like i hate that conversation
01:08:49
yeah the break because you could see them try to process it you know what i mean and just start thinking like what
01:08:55
did i do what did i do you know what i mean what the [ __ ] is and it's like the worst confrontation it's uh it's the
01:09:01
worst have you ever broken up with somebody never you've he's never been with anybody how do you yes
01:09:07
yes you've never been in i mean not in a real life you've never been in a real life dude i've known you forever i've
01:09:13
never seen you hey man this is my girlfriend that's never happened when i was selling correct my girlfriend
01:09:23
one time i lost a drug dealer's uh drugs and she gave me the money for it man so
01:09:29
you're a real one nicki i appreciate you is she alive where she is she's actually a dentist she's uh on a
01:09:34
dentist yeah the city of detroit yeah man how these two uh huh there was two roads in the woods
01:09:43
boy did you take them off or go to dental school i don't know
01:09:50
a road emerged in the woods that's not like my realest girlfriend but after that i just saw other guys have you had
01:09:55
to dump people rudy um my first boyfriend i just ghosted him hell yeah yeah she would there's no way
01:10:01
you're having a conversation about it have you but since then that's it huh that's it have you been dumped no
01:10:07
yeah well i mean with your first book you can tell she's never philip yeah yeah yeah what was his name
01:10:13
no one
01:10:18
yeah yeah what's his name what's his name i hate his name yeah what is it what is it youtube youtube
01:10:25
youtube his name is
01:10:32
[Laughter] so wait a minute so so so you two you dumped you two yeah why what did he do
01:10:40
because he was like very clingy oh yeah he was too young
01:10:45
you're very you don't you're very independent though you don't like people to be yeah you like your space mm-hmm
01:10:51
yeah i i have an aversion to thirsty people like a desperation well you like to see
01:10:56
what they do though you do like to see wild people in the wild what do you mean you like to watch
01:11:02
you like to engage with thirst like you like to if there's thirsty comics or something
01:11:07
like that no i don't like that you [ __ ] with them i'll [ __ ] around with them right but it's not like you know
01:11:14
i have to give you an example go ahead and say it the last time last night i saw oh just put your hand over your mouth look
01:11:21
can you see yeah why don't you move your mouth and then i say it oh that's great that's really good doc
01:11:26
yeah so somehow no you're gonna open your mouth dude
01:11:36
yeah yeah like so i'll do this to let you know when to say it does he know who the name is
01:11:41
that's what i was going i was going to run over there and see him whisper it to me then i'll come back yeah so
01:11:47
so no you don't the dog oh my god dude the doll doesn't
01:11:54
talk i'm the voice you're just a doll you just open your mouth oh okay okay
01:12:00
wait a minute wasn't this your idea this is
01:12:05
your idea dude
01:12:18
ladies and gentlemen welcome bobby and his doll doc let me introduce you guys
01:12:24
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the stage bobby lee and his doll little black magic yeah
01:12:30
hello everybody i'm bob and this is no you're i'm talking
01:12:47
the guy talks as well right as himself like he welcomes the shot right and this is dog and then when i do this right is
01:12:53
when you talk but you don't have to do the mouthpiece when i'm talking because that would make no [ __ ] sense okay
01:12:58
all right [Laughter] ladies and gentlemen
01:13:04
welcome to this day bobby lee and lil black magic yeah it's really good to be here at the
01:13:10
mirage what do you think of the mirage uh doc
01:13:15
i thought oh yeah that's right
01:13:21
[Laughter]
01:13:28
all right um so anyways you would do go ahead really good to be here at the mirage what do you think dunk
01:13:34
thank you for being around friend loved it
01:13:39
[Music]
01:13:48
yes [Music]
