00:00:00
you two are bad friends you are these two idiots why dude i'm an asian dude you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends what's up bro
00:00:13
are you flipping it inside out man what happened why'd you have to flip it i i just realized as i walked here oh you didn't know what was inside out oh i like it now we're there
00:00:26
hello hi rudy you don't like your feet ah i don't feel strongly one way or the other uh uh
00:00:44
about your feet you have no idea i feel like you're being mean to them those are pretty normal feet you have [ __ ] you have such ugly feet dude yes so don't comment about other people's
00:00:54
feet i want this to come towards me george george get on it start spreading the news steve-o is here dude so when do we start
00:01:05
yeah i have a story i wanted to tell that we already started are you okay this is
00:01:11
how we start this is how he's trying yeah yeah all right how can we do this um what can we all tell stories
00:01:17
can we all talk you know when we talk can we all talk yeah because i don't like what you just did what did i just do you guys you
00:01:23
completely ignored me who the [ __ ] are you talking to oh we didn't do he was talking then you interrupted him and you
00:01:28
wanted to tell a story and nobody gave a [ __ ] about your [ __ ] story he had to finish what he was saying
00:01:34
why did you do a pause i i already forgot i know what'd you do today yeah um i just was in the edit bay all day oh for your own
00:01:47
[ __ ] yeah yeah movie what is it no i was working on a youtube video called my 10
00:01:54
craziest arrests oh that's right yeah top 10. not not all how many times have you been
00:02:00
arrested i i mean really probably about 14 maybe 12 to 14 times you've been arrested yeah how many times you've been arrested none two actually zero zero no you've been
00:02:14
arrested yeah for what urinating in public and then disorderly conduct fighting getting we got a bunch of people got arrested for being in a fight it's college oh i see i wasn't i
00:02:25
didn't get arrested for anything real maybe well i better buy it bat i bit a bat you got arrested for biting a batter you
00:02:30
just want to talk about biting a bat no i i got arrested for biting a bat how what are you i was the osbourne i started the covenant anyway
00:02:39
i just remembered one yeah i mean it was rather insignificant but it technically
00:02:45
counted as an arrest i was driving in beverly hills uh with expired tags a broken
00:02:52
windshield you know my license was suspended which meant i had no insurance and when the cop you know sort of took inventory of what was happening he said
00:03:03
there's too much going on wrong here so it's actually not a traffic situation this is a criminal
00:03:10
matter and i technically have to arrest you but um but i like you so i called the um you know the police station whatever and and they gave me permission to to r to release
00:03:24
you but i'm giving you your court summonses technically you're being arrested but but he recognized you from jackass
00:03:31
perhaps yeah it was a catch and release situation and uh so he said but but i can't let you drive home from here he says i'm gonna have to tow your car
00:03:44
and uh call you a cab okay she called me a cab and i'll never forget i was in the
00:03:49
cabin and i just looked at that car as the cab pulled away and just waved goodbye to it because i knew that i was
00:03:54
not going to bother trying to get it back from you said goodbye to the car i let the tow yard keep the car yeah and the sad thing about that was that my my clown
00:04:07
uh i was a professional clown before that and uh it had like my juggling torches [ __ ] the drug torches those are expensive because him and i you know we went to
00:04:18
the juggling tour store and the high-end ones are very expensive seven or eight grand yeah yeah i don't
00:04:24
know about seven or eight grand but well we go tonight my clown wig from uh ringling brothers and barnum and bailey clown college and
00:04:38
it's it's probably still in the trunk of that goddamn car yeah yeah [ __ ] probably a waste of money going to the
00:04:44
college but it was actually free you went to concol where you had a scholarship full ride
00:04:51
full ride well i mean i was living with my sister in albuquerque new mexico yeah and she wasn't very thrilled about this i was an alcoholic i was a slob i was uh
00:05:05
unemployed and broke eating all of her food making the house a mess and um she was taking a [ __ ] at work when reading a book of trivia on the while
00:05:17
taking a [ __ ] she came across a question it said what is the only college that
00:05:22
has no tuition just for you to go to yeah and the answer was ringling brothers in barnum and bailey clown
00:05:29
college has no tuition if you can get it it's very difficult to get in oh now that the the cool thing is they do charge you for what was called your uh
00:05:41
uh materials your food for making your costume your costume cost cost like uh some two thousand dollars that you had to but but they waived my my uh costume
00:05:53
fee so i did go to clown college on a screen on a scholarship why did they wave your feed you think because uh
00:05:59
because you were so [ __ ] good no way that's my actual class right there the the one yeah the big shoe review that one uh are
00:06:06
you in the poster uh i'm i'm i'm sure i rank it oh god damn is that you you you and i okay i'm top right okay
00:06:18
zoom zoom the one with the white the white wig that looks looks kind of like nikki sixx's hair yeah that's me
00:06:25
and that's me above you actually that the guy above me didn't speak english he was from mexico city but he was incredibly talented oh really well what makes him you want he giggled good
00:06:40
you're being real demanding what you're being real [ __ ] diminutive about you don't know [ __ ] about clown college you think you need
00:06:45
to get through i don't know what's the talent of clown college it's it's a very subjective art and um i think that i
00:06:52
think that this guy was uh just compelling in his mannerisms right do you think i could have gone to cronkite i think that you would have been a fantastic clown no
00:07:03
yeah dude one of the best probably oh dude i would be the bro i would be the michael jordan of clown college there's
00:07:09
never been a famous asian clown and there never will you know why because we have strict parents no no yeah yeah no
00:07:17
imagine that can you google it it's all in the eyes with clowning wow dude it really was me that is you that is me dude um can you look up famous asian clown
00:07:34
there's never been my dude yeah it's all in the eyes dude yeah if you say the i think yeah but i'm
00:07:40
serious look at all the expressions dude that's dope hunka hunker [Laughter] there was an asian club there's no famous asian crowd just never they never made it so i have a resentment towards you can i express
00:08:13
it real this is not even sure you're not [ __ ] around i'm not even [ __ ] around all right this is real and this
00:08:18
is so [ __ ] up what you did maybe maybe we can clear away some wreckage of my past that's what i'm doing right now and
00:08:24
it's a recent thing so it's a recent thing i welcome the opportunity okay good thank you thank you thank you thank
00:08:29
you so i'm hanging out with my friend jean late at night we went to see the movie um top gun
00:08:35
okay okay you're looking forward and i've apparently heard positive reviews about it and we loved it so good i would
00:08:41
really highly suggest it so um it's late at night it's probably 11 30 and um stevo never texted me
00:08:49
he never texted me well i gave up on texting you a long time ago because you never respond correct okay and and i i've long had a
00:08:57
resentment towards you and i'm willing to listen to your resentment and i'd love to address that
00:09:03
as well right i mean we have we haven't we all right so let's let's let me just finish mine though yeah finish mine all right
00:09:09
so um i need to talk to you no no no i said are you up okay are you well much less urgent just hurry up
00:09:21
mind you are you up right at midnight when somebody doesn't text you for years is alarming
00:09:28
okay is it not wait wait what it said are you up yeah what time of night was it midnight yeah he's just being like yo
00:09:35
did you get out of a show are you hanging out that that wouldn't do that so he would never what
00:09:41
again because he was because that would just let me say that would mean right if you text me are you up that means you
00:09:48
need to talk about something yeah okay right so that doesn't mean it's the end of the world i just want to ask you something i want to talk to you all
00:09:53
right but to me i'm worried okay right are you up oh [ __ ] steve something's going on right so i'm
00:10:00
driving and just hear me out right that's gene i was frantic i got to call steve right now so i called steve i
00:10:06
didn't call right away i called right away because when you text me like what's that dude
00:10:11
you want to go skate or whatever like that i won't text you back but are you up i text back because i'm concerned
00:10:21
let me just try to you know what i mean yeah dude uh you know johnny knoxville like of course i know johnny i mean i don't know him personally you know i mean well you know he doesn't have a website or something like that right
00:10:33
something like that well right but i like just let me finish let me just i thought i just texted you the link
00:10:41
let me finish this this is so funny like you're so inaccurately telling the story i never know when he corrects you go let
00:10:47
me finish let me finish you're getting it wrong right right and then he's correcting and you're like can
00:10:53
i please tell the story it was a big deal to me yeah that uh i mean this is over a year ago uh
00:11:01
well maybe closer to two years ago uh my my buddy um who i work with out of curiosity he
00:11:09
he wanted to see if the jackass guys had merchandising operations if they have websites so he typed in
00:11:15
johnnyknoxville.com lo and behold he found it to be available for purchase and i bought it should yeah and and i made this big dude i worked for years on this whole
00:11:28
[ __ ] thing this this this epic video which launched this uh crazy like uh you know business initiative and it was the night that i was
00:11:40
unveiling the website was to be launched and i'm refreshing it but it's not launched and so i'm thinking damn my phone is remembering a cachet of an old
00:11:51
version i need to contact somebody who can just tell me is this [ __ ] sight live that makes sense this makes sense and i texted bob i'm the guy i'm the guy i take to a bunch of
00:12:02
people i texted a bunch of people who texted you back then i think you're the only guy who texts me back they're
00:12:08
calling me back because i love you the most you clearly you clearly love me more than any of these other people yeah but
00:12:14
uh it was just as simple as hey man is that live is that is that i'm in the car isn't that live can we can we can we go
00:12:20
on it on our computer go go to johnny knoxville.com this is what i'm doing in the car with my friend in the car with me yeah late at night all right so
00:12:28
so i'm on the phone i'll go yep it says he says i'm john knox so welcome to my anus and you watch his hair turn great
00:12:33
is that your dip steve whose dick is that that's just uh it's a nice looking dick boom and then you enter the website
00:12:42
because it goes to my online store the guy in the car was a producer of a show of mine yeah of
00:12:48
a show that i'm doing right so it was embarrassing what's embarrassing right my friend i have a guy in the car that i'm trying to impress and be cool right yeah and
00:13:00
meanwhile i'm now we're looking inside your butthole well but his bottle takes you to a site
00:13:05
that's true that's true there is a destination yeah you don't think gene would find that creative yeah it is really pretty special i'd like to
00:13:12
see it again let's loop it again if you don't mind i do think it's actually a [ __ ] cool
00:13:17
idea it's a flattering shot of my bottle yeah and you have a really clean is that really your butthole it's absolutely my
00:13:24
cavernous butthole yeah yeah yeah plus that plus look at the hang i got on my balls dude yeah you got a great kid you got a killer huh dude i mean i'm touching water whoa
00:13:37
cool but yeah uh by the way this is our this is broody jules this is jules jules
00:13:43
steve what do you think about his uh butthole and nuts you want to rate them it's clean clean
00:13:49
very good very deep very deep very good i like that the camera though it's the camera it's also ilm like you know i
00:13:56
mean special effects no no no that was all raw that was raw footage yeah there was there was no uh
00:14:04
no camera trickery no filters there was no editing it was um i mean the the lighting the light it was a little bit
00:14:11
side lit so it did look a little bit more cavernous maybe can i judge it yeah yeah um a little dark your cheeks were white yeah if you look at the cavern part it's really dark
00:14:23
right okay right so i don't know what that's from huh do it again watch it again
00:14:28
watch you can't press pause on that anyway when it goes when it does that it doesn't show you i'm going to show you right all right let's see okay
00:14:47
they [ __ ] it up oh there it is nope there it is there it is dark dark that's hair i [ __ ] up
00:14:54
um maybe we could all have a uh a butthole beauty pageant right now very nice let's do it we could spread it i
00:15:06
spread our cheeks as well i took a [ __ ] like 45 minutes let's see your butthole dude i took a [ __ ] 45 minutes ago let's
00:15:12
see your butthole dude can i tell you something that's that's that's very premature because we've we've only just
00:15:19
gotten the samples and only today did we make the order for uh a bulk order lar like ten thousand
00:15:30
fifty packs of stevo's butt wipes for your butthole you got butt wipes coming i've got butt wipes and they're called for the butthole i mean stevo's butt wipes for
00:15:42
your butthole okay but can i say something aren't all butt wipes for the butthole why would you need to put the
00:15:48
second oh some butt wipes are for you know cleaning a counterweight waitresses use it sometimes they do they're like oh let me let me wipe the table down before you guys eat yeah those are butt wipes
00:16:00
that's not a it's a table but it's a table by the way for the table yeah we have stevo's butt
00:16:06
wipes you can use those on your own oh here we go he's going to show he's spilling the
00:16:12
drink he can smell the drink okay you can do whatever you want can you okay thanks jules
00:16:17
i still think we should stevo's budweiser your butthole and he's got his butthole on the packaging which
00:16:23
is actually pretty [ __ ] would like to see please let's not get away from the fact that very good bob let's do your butthole
00:16:29
competition let's see if your butthole is as nice as steve yeah it's funny because um you talked about his butthole like i understand that but since we're
00:16:35
doing a competition right and since i feel like i'm the champion you should go first because i have the belt so you i think
00:16:41
you should go first what do you mean he's got the belt he has it right because of rankings though dude am i
00:16:46
you're number one but i'm ranked higher than him i i you gotta leave does she have to leave the room for this jules are you
00:16:52
comfortable with butthole i'll just close my eyes yeah me too all right so oh my god all
00:16:57
right but i just i just took a [ __ ] like right before we came here okay wow dude he's really gonna do it yeah yeah yeah
00:17:05
oh wow wow all right was it cool you guys both have gorgeous buttholes yours is so clean it is it's [ __ ]
00:17:29
special thank you dude i didn't see yours i had a side angle steve saw mine i saw the inside of his is it pink i
00:17:35
assume i mean dude for two guys who just took shits both luck just cleaning up [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:17:42
yeah man you know who's who do you think of our crew if you're looking at these guys who do you think has the the cleanest
00:17:47
butthole of those three guys i don't know but i'm just wildly impressed by by both of you
00:17:54
for how how attractive your buttholes are thank you steve and and for for the way that you guys just
00:18:00
[ __ ] broke them out like we did it thank you thank you and you know what yeah our buttholes are the same we have
00:18:06
we both have nice bodies you know it's so funny don't because i say something don't try to one-up money i'm not i'm one-upping you yeah i'm agreeing with
00:18:12
you what i'm saying is um i like to be competitive with you sure with comedy numbers all these things you know we do a playful numbers i don't know
00:18:23
but when it comes but when it comes to buttholes i love being on an even playing with you weren't even
00:18:29
playing butthole yeah you're right very good and god bless do you want to finish the story of the text that this was it you got a text from him about getting to
00:18:35
a website live you freaked out in front of gene hong i i yeah i mean i i it seems pretty loud
00:18:55
you on the phone in years we saw you came up to on the van to my house yeah and i did your podcast maybe five six
00:19:01
months it was wildly successful exactly and you're welcome yeah yeah don't wake up you're welcome
00:19:08
but just apologize and then you have a resentment toward me so go ahead i mean like i i i worked out my my deal with
00:19:14
you you know like i uh i text you i don't expect a text back anymore i don't let it hurt my feelings smart all right but can i the reason why i just and and to the extent that you
00:19:25
were upset with me sharing this exciting hilarious website before anybody got to see it you were the first i was the first guy to see it i i'm
00:19:37
sorry that's cool thank you yeah you know what you're right thank you i'm i'm sorry you're welcome how do people say that i'm sorry if you were offended i'm sorry yeah i'm sorry
00:19:48
that you were offended no we left you know i'll be honest with the truth be told we laughed about about 30 minutes you
00:19:54
get straight yeah i'm sure she's on the rise because i was dropping you enough and we just tears on our eyes laughing
00:20:00
of the surrealness of it all you know what you know what i saw i watched are you up because i got something good yeah
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babble.com bad friends for up to sixty percent of your subscription babble language for life i watched the bonus
00:22:27
footage of the of the movie on the flight the other day coming back dude some of that stuff well it's not
00:22:33
it's for what is it called you the extra footage it was like four and a half or whatever uh 4.5.5 this
00:22:44
ancillary movie of uh deleted scenes essentially have you seen it no have you seen the newest jackass or no i didn't well [ __ ] you i've seen all for the first three though
00:22:55
when when we make it look at me like that you should have watched it your friend is in who supports you
00:23:00
i saw the first three and i saw three of them i didn't see you know attacking the clones or whatever you know what i mean oh right i said the first three main ones right and then
00:23:11
later you know they did attack the clones and all these other ones right and i'll get to it i'll stream it but my point is is that i saw the original
00:23:17
three i'm not sure you hope empire strikes that's you saw the first three yeah so i think
00:23:23
that's good enough yeah i i i like like our friendship our friendship's not contingent upon you consuming my art but he is gonna take that but he is gonna take that with him in future dealings
00:23:34
when you're like hey can you watch this thing for me no no that's not true and and let me let me uh
00:23:40
let let me say something that really does mean a lot to me yeah uh i i asked bobby for some feedback on
00:23:51
my hour oh on your understand power yeah he came right over and and uh and watched it and
00:23:57
uh sweet prince gave me feedback and it was really interesting because i had been doing stand-up for for just five years and i was about to tape my first special which i was not ready to
00:24:10
do and i asked bobby to come over to give me feedback on this hour like maybe a week
00:24:16
before the actual you know and bobby's like why did you wait until a week before
00:24:22
because it was me and ian edwards we went over there we're like what what do we what can we do in a [ __ ] week
00:24:28
just to cut the whole [ __ ] thing up i know because also we you know we you have to go up and try this these new ideas that we might have had or whatever
00:24:35
right i mean it it was uh very helpful and and uh you know they like the special did come out like the best that i was capable of at the time sure yeah it was great
00:24:47
and and it's nice to have a mile marker so to speak that like to you know show the growth since then and so i'm happy about it we have history you and i we do yeah and i've seen
00:25:00
different versions of stevo and um you know i i was telling kalila earlier today i go i always say this i go what a what a different guy huh
00:25:11
because i knew him when he was drug drug yeah when he was wild and it was ugly she was bad huh a pretty
00:25:18
bad dude yeah it was wild but now it's good it's great he's a completely different guy and how much time you've
00:25:24
sober forever now 14 years that's amazing but that's how long we go back how much time do you have now you know i went out and i came i did hear that five months now sober six
00:25:37
almost six yeah yeah yeah um and and when you were recently in treatment that was like
00:25:45
sort of a guarded secret that that people did not know yeah in fact when we were in cancun to do our show you were there and i tried i did everything i can to
00:25:56
avoid you because i was drunk you were drinking yes because i remember you initially
00:26:02
going out and it being uh just weed no he was drinking he threw up all over the hotel room
00:26:10
i had to [ __ ] take care of him [ __ ] the worst yeah and the poo thing i'm sorry yeah he [ __ ] this guy man i
00:26:16
go to help him out to clean up all the throw up in his room and he comes the door naked with poop all over his hand and poop on
00:26:23
his toilet paper and he's what he's [ __ ] in the dark cause he doesn't want the lights on yeah yeah and he's like there's a poop and it's all over
00:26:31
dude it was it was [ __ ] nuts were you just trying to avoid sober people you specifically because i know you were definitely he was trying to avoid you for sure yeah because there
00:26:41
wasn't a lot of other comics you're a sober guy and i i feel felt shame about it right i mean because you know we
00:26:47
that's how we know each other too you know man i mean we knew each other long before i got
00:26:52
sober but our bond is that one of our we have two bonds right we have the bond of
00:26:59
being sober and we have the bond of being entertainers as well right but i think the first thing goes beyond the
00:27:05
other thing right it's a big deal it's a big deal it's a big deal but you gotta know that i
00:27:10
wouldn't have uh it was embarrassing it was shame you know we were [ __ ] bummed it was really hard for us yeah because we had to deal with it the whole time we
00:27:20
had to like were you drinking around andrew oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah so we would sit down
00:27:25
at dinner and andres and i would sit there oh manipulative i'd get like a diet coke and a water
00:27:32
and then he'd order a drink and then we'd try to tell them we'd be like come on no we're not going to have a drink and then we'd tell the server no booze
00:27:39
and they'd bring him a drink anyway because he would be like well because he's he's an icon he's a beloved they
00:27:46
had no idea who he was down there they had literally no clue but she kept going he would like flirt with her and
00:27:52
be sweet and she thought maybe it was a joke she thought we were kidding yeah and we were like no no no no more no
00:27:57
alcohol no more we're we're done yeah and so she they kept bringing him [ __ ] margaritas and [ __ ] so then he
00:28:04
got mad he got a fight with me because he told me to go get him a drink and then i said okay because he'd already
00:28:09
been drinking so i went and i got you know something and i told him to mix a bunch of [ __ ] in there with no alcohol
00:28:16
and then he got in this yelling match there's no booze there's no booze in here and i was like there's so much
00:28:22
booze in there the whole thing is booze yeah i'm not dumb dude did i but you're already drunk i thought you wouldn't do nothing i know i know what booze tastes like did did you have the experience that they
00:28:34
were they you know or over any con over any uh period we get worse never better yeah was that did
00:28:41
you pick up where your alcohol is had left off but and and worse like it's automatically like just zero to charlie sheen right oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it was 24 hours a day yeah the puke and
00:28:52
the poop were a key indication of where he was at and then you know when i first got to his [ __ ]
00:28:58
hotel room he opens his suitcase it was like narcos i mean it was like i was like where did you fly from yeah and he came from hawaii yeah with like a pound of [ __ ] weed pills all over the
00:29:11
place wait you didn't fly with a pound of weed yes he did internationally yes he did that's [ __ ] yes i can't make
00:29:17
that up we both got to the room and i was like how did you guys get through dude this is not good and
00:29:23
i mean it was just like bags and bags of wheat it was pre-rolled joints and then it was three bags of individual read
00:29:28
then it was jars of pot and then it was uh [ __ ] wow tons of edibles yeah i was like why would you fly with all this
00:29:35
i needed i needed it that was but that was it just for the drugs it was just the weed anyway can we talk not talk
00:29:41
about i'm sober now no we're not talking about we don't have to talk about spiritual enlightenment i know you know i've had a psychic change and you got a
00:29:47
trophy because you kicked the habit oh yeah and i'm on a new road to recovery you sure are baby we're proud of you
00:29:53
i i i love that and i appreciate that i'm i'm happy that that you're back oh you're gonna say something i just i i think that that my experience and whenever anybody goes
00:30:06
out meaning whenever anybody relapses i feel so profoundly grateful because here like they uh they're uh reminding me of the importance of
00:30:18
protecting my sobriety yeah you know and um reminds you to stay to say so it reminds me to be diligent about working a program of recovery well that's we see that's
00:30:29
and it's a lesson i've learned many times is once you start drifting away you're already in a dangerous spot right
00:30:35
you can stop when you stop it's calling your sponsors when you stop going to meetings and then you just it just
00:30:41
it's just inevitable and you you you can last for years that way but it's it's a
00:30:46
ticking time bomb right yeah so um and when whenever somebody loses time yeah yeah it's tougher to come back and and sobriety becomes more attenuation but i'm glad that
00:30:58
that bob's got support systems in the sober community like you to [ __ ] help because it does yeah and you know there's only two ways to work the steps you do or you don't
00:31:11
yeah yeah that's really it and if you're not working with others you're kind of not doing it
00:31:17
this is the microcosm of this show by the way we go from showing our [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:31:25
to getting seriously that that's the beauty of this show we'll go way up there yeah i'm still very impressed by
00:31:31
that now let me uh let me ask a question here because you said that you'd like to
00:31:36
be competitive with the inventory over comedy ever said over the numbers yeah everything and um
00:31:43
like the idea i'm fascinated by the idea that you've got the tiger belly podcast yeah you've got whiskey
00:31:49
ginger yeah whiskey gender and yet we both have this podcast together yeah so is this podcast numbers-wise more successful than your individual podcast
00:32:03
it is i think so yeah it's some it's not a thing it's very democratic no it's literal it is these the producers will
00:32:08
tell you it is this this one is bigger so you guys together are larger than the summer we're
00:32:18
that's what i'm saying because there's not a lot of avengers i can be you what do you mean what do you mean you could be captain america you could
00:32:24
be all these other ones where can i be now tiger belly is a pretty big podcast yeah it's pretty big thank you it's not as big as this but it's pretty big yeah is it is it not as big as this it's a
00:32:34
completely different audience man it's a completely different audience that's all people that look like her a lot of that tiger belly audience it's a
00:32:40
lot of browns it's a lot of south browns it's a lot of south asian browns yeah yeah um who just got back from the south
00:32:47
asian brown didn't you yeah you happy to be back in the united states or now a little bit
00:32:54
she said she got drunk the whole time is that what you did for real yeah and i got constipated i couldn't poo for like
00:32:59
two weeks that's because you're not drinking enough water are you pulling now that you're back in the states yeah you're congratulations i'm playing every
00:33:04
day that's why this is the greatest comment tomorrow night if you come you're cut you have to do that show i already said i would go but her
00:33:10
boyfriend's coming that dude is gonna come yeah wow and i told him i told her are we gonna bring him out on stage no no no no no no why not why not make sure she's got a new boyfriend steve and
00:33:20
she's in love yeah yeah make sure make sure you hug him because i said i was gonna give him a 20-second hug
00:33:26
and make sure you touch his face and see what his face looks like okay you and i were making a pack right now yeah yeah yeah we're gonna hug them together and
00:33:31
then you kiss one cheek and i kiss the other one okay good you want a sandwich yeah but the kiss has to be like one of
00:33:36
those fit 10 second yeah a sloppy one how about this let's make a bet let's see who can hold a kiss on his
00:33:43
cheek for the longest amount of time that's a [ __ ] i'm going to win that one you think so i could go 45 minutes i'm
00:33:49
strong i'll just hold it 45 is he a big guy is he strong and he's fine okay bobby's got that by a
00:33:55
mile yeah yeah yeah i can kiss forever yeah but i can hold him if he's physically stronger than you then you've never killed right um
00:34:02
we haven't needed to for me to know give him a kiss you want to give him a kiss he's got a girlfriend that's weird
00:34:08
he's got a wife beyonce fiance are you with your fiance or were you would you be allowed to kiss someone like bobby or no yeah she'd be okay with that let me ask you something like this she would be i think reasonably
00:34:19
comfortable with that go on then so the no master because i'm doing the no masturbation thing right okay so i'm going to ask you
00:34:26
about this okay yeah i just did today before i came here vr so how long how long did you not masturbate for i did
00:34:32
not ejaculate for the entire year of 2014 and the total period of my celibacy was
00:34:40
431 days which came to i believe 13 months and or maybe 15 months i don't know it was like it was from like october 2013 to february
00:34:52
of 2015. how good was the nut you busted when you busted dude it was lack [ __ ] luster man
00:34:57
a marshmallow came out yeah yeah it did it wasn't it was ghostbusters all over it wasn't even there it wasn't even that [ __ ] great you know now i know
00:35:08
was it jerking off or was it with somebody i i jerked off okay or just in your mind and it wasn't even that it wasn't even feel that great it
00:35:16
it wasn't that impressive of a of a load yeah it just landed unceremoniously on my tummy i took a photo of it and uh texted it to
00:35:27
everybody i think i think i got that taxes that one you responded yeah that would never respond no resentment over that
00:35:34
one yeah let me let me ask you something because you you don't jack out for over a year
00:35:39
right right and so you're you're i'm not a medical guy right but you see you're not
00:35:45
i'm not i assume that your body right generates you know i mean your scrotum generates sperm right right so where
00:35:52
does the old sperm go it just goes right into your body back into your body it's just gonna cycle through your body oh i
00:35:57
see that so it comes out of your ass actually so you have sperm coming out of your [ __ ] well what happens is it cycles through your digestive tract
00:36:03
right so that at some point it's got to go somewhere out of your do you sweat it out you can you could be sweating jizz yeah so like when you're as you're dry
00:36:10
sauna they're just out of the pores of your skin they're coming where does old jizz go carlos what happens to jizz that doesn't come
00:36:21
out what what happens to sperm if you don't ejaculate i think we've literally done this on this show
00:36:27
there you go absorbed and you're not entering or or nocturnal emissions when you come have you ever knighted
00:36:33
throughout that period of celibacy yeah there were many times where in my dream i was in
00:36:41
some sexual situation and about to come but i was like no i can't break my sobriety in the dream
00:36:48
[ __ ] sober in dreams wow that's how dedicated he is to sobriety so what is it you're not watching you're not jerking off now no i'm joking off to no porn but i'm still go to memory but i
00:36:59
can't do it through memory because your memory is bad i have bad fantasies i'm using my buddy bought me the oculus
00:37:07
i've done that it's so cool have you done that have you seen vr porn i've not seen vr porn but i swear i've porn a
00:37:12
long time so you're done like uh i i made one exception for um a bit uh for my new hour that i'm touring with it's a good exception it's called sky jacking oh i know we're talking about wait wait
00:37:24
wait wait wait scott what do you do that's this is where uh it was a stunt you know i had very
00:37:29
like a handful of stunts that i'd had the ideas for years and years but just never there was kind of like too much to
00:37:35
go for i said [ __ ] it i'm going for him one of the ideas was to go skydiving for
00:37:40
the first time butt naked furiously jacking off with another man strapped to my back and time it so that when i blow my load i'm
00:37:54
simultaneously falling out of the airplane just coming everywhere and it was it's it's
00:38:01
it's art it's art it was the most challenging thing to put together you did it oh yeah you jerked off you did it yeah i did it
00:38:21
and i screened the footage in the theater every uh you know it's my bucket list show dude where can we see it can we see it here i mean it's it's exclusive to my tour it's
00:38:33
on his tour he shows it live it'll come out like it'll come out when i whenever i tape that special but
00:38:38
it's a xxx rated uh multimedia comedy tour that i'm on and it's called the bucket list tour oh wow yeah so can you
00:38:45
let me ask you this because i've because i i remember years ago i saw i was telling jules this i saw something that
00:38:51
wasn't on the jackass and because i used to kind of hang out with not you but we man or whatever back in the day and i
00:38:57
saw chris pontius jerk off in a patio in front of his friends and they try to right can you let me ask you something right now is there could you jerk off no i don't want to do it but
00:39:09
just theoretically could you jerk off with andrew and i in the same room get a wreck and ejaculate um
00:39:16
it it's challenging that that's what made this skyjacking stunt so challenging was that that uh i had another man strapped to my
00:39:26
back yeah and he was only wearing a [ __ ] speedo so that was kind of awkward and it was a
00:39:34
tiny little airplane it was full of all my buddies and everybody had cameras pointed at me yeah point blank so you
00:39:40
had to get hard to the point you had to watch i i i took four cialis pills you have to yeah and you watch porn i brought a portable dvd player yeah what kind of porn did you watch it was uh
00:39:52
that we actually went to a porno dvd store wow fancy candidly as i looked through all the titles and made my selection i just based my choice
00:40:04
off of uh like you know what the the prettiest uh porn star that i saw on the cover of i mean i didn't it never even occurred to me to read the title which was like
00:40:17
anal destruction for you know i have two and three yeah hey andrew i've had so many um credit card debt and problems i've been in debt so many times over my life man and
00:40:31
that's why i use uh upstart because it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you have high interest debt and sometimes it can be
00:40:38
even harder to ask for help that's where upstart comes in saying goodbye to high interest credit card debt is one of the first steps towards financial
00:40:44
independence you want freedom you got to use upstart we've all been there you know you get unexpected bills uh medical
00:40:51
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00:41:32
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00:41:51
friends dude now let me tell you this yeah yeah i i um had this uh this thing i i like the way i look better when i've shaved my my chest and everything i just don't like my chest
00:42:04
hair that i'm so i like to shave it and then i shave my bush and everything so at one point i shaved uh shaved everything and i had all of my body hair
00:42:15
in a big pile in my hand and i took a photo and uh and and posted it you know i was
00:42:21
like look at him with a nice and clean shave this big mountain of hair in my hand and uh my buddy preston lacy said
00:42:27
dude you should save all your pubic care for the and and like uh you know make like a [ __ ] sasquatch suit you know like just out of pubic hair so i that's what i started
00:42:39
doing i did i would grow i would grow grow it like full and then i would harvest and then grow and repeat and i
00:42:47
had like [ __ ] three years of pubic hair and and and as i got ready to do this playstation i mean you know i realized i think this is brilliant yeah i realized that three years of my
00:42:59
own growing pubic hair yeah was just not even [ __ ] getting close i really wanted to look like a cool [ __ ] sasquatch so what i did
00:43:10
was i went on my social media and i said hey everybody in the southern california area i'm having a puber party okay it i'm
00:43:22
calling all all males with with healthy pubic bushes to come meet me like you have to bring your own
00:43:35
uh shaving shave shaving equipment because i didn't want to use manscaped and so like hundreds of people showed up and and and here i harvested i mean they were how many dudes showed
00:43:51
up i mean realistically dude i i have the footage of it it was a [ __ ] ton of people dude
00:43:58
and i got like it and it got like uh out of it i got like a a goddamn bonafide ralph's grocery bag
00:44:06
full of [ __ ] pubic hair was could you make a sasquatch with it or not oh yeah i did it i did it and um
00:44:13
what about women what you could have done yeah that respect for my lady okay but here was here was the takeaway two takeaways number one manscape really is i did every i handled
00:44:26
so many different shavers and if it was a manscape it was like you know god bless manscape yeah it was very clear by the end of that
00:44:37
that manscape really is that's the footage they should use for their commercial they really want to sell them
00:44:44
they didn't have releases for [Music] [ __ ] hundreds of people it's like uh poor planning but um the other takeaway and this
00:44:55
what it blew my mind because i i didn't ask for everybody to show me their wieners didn't ask but the thing was
00:45:03
that like everybody's pulling down their their their pants just to get to get their very easy if you want to like you
00:45:10
know offer me your pubic bush to pull it down just enough that i don't have to see your wiener i can just shave your
00:45:17
pubic hair however like so many dudes just pulled down a little too far and i learned i saw so many penises i learned
00:45:29
what a micro penis oh there was a guy that had one dude they're not [ __ ] particularly rare wait what you saw more than one more than one microphone how common are
00:45:40
micropenis is because i've heard this lore but i've never seen it i'm dead i want to see one in real
00:45:49
estimates vary but studies have shown that point six percent of men worldwide that's insanely low so one in every ten
00:45:56
thousand births maybe you don't know what a micro penis looks like i'm telling you you would look at mine and go that's my computer
00:46:01
but that's i don't think i have one photo yeah yeah i did hear the kick dude i don't even need to see a photo because
00:46:06
this is what i wanted to describe to you okay like the [ __ ] dude like i you know a light switch
00:46:14
where you click the light switch yeah yeah like i'm talking about the size of a goddamn light switch i saw some [ __ ]
00:46:20
like real penis i like like where it sound like once it it just pops up like a light switch i
00:46:26
can ask you something could have been a clip no could it have been a clip tiny [ __ ] wieners because i always considered myself no it's regular okay thank you that's regular i i always consider myself
00:46:38
pretty normal thank you you know our average average yeah i came out of that pube
00:46:43
party thinking that i am [ __ ] gargantuan yeah you got a bigger piece compared to those guys can i just say
00:46:48
that you're a celebrity and maybe they were nervous oh yeah maybe they got a little scratch thanks to those looking at my dick and
00:46:54
they just shrunk up i'm talking about like [ __ ] pinky topped it tight like like last knuckle oh wow this poor guy i saw i saw pinky
00:47:06
the [ __ ] the outer edge knuckles how was their disposition were these guys happy guys i mean dude they seemed
00:47:12
actually totally happy you know what that's just proof it doesn't matter it doesn't matter if you have a tiny penis
00:47:18
yeah you can still be a happy guy i don't know i don't think so these guys got to hang
00:47:23
out with steve and show you yeah i don't think so if i had one i i i i do you think statistically men are sadder with smaller penises i think so so you think sad people just have
00:47:34
small penises so when you say sad guys small is one thing right because i go to the wii spa and i look at the black men
00:47:42
no they're just there i see i look at the black men there sure and i i give them a nod that says congrats no it's
00:47:50
more of a like whoa like as if you're seeing kanye neat yeah no like whoa whoa you're here
00:47:57
you know what i mean and i've seen you know what i mean but i've seen a couple of dudes with really small ones right
00:48:03
you don't look them in the eye i don't not only don't don't i look them in the eye i kind of like avoid them
00:48:09
you spit it in that way i don't yeah spit right at their little dicks i do a chogi you know yeah no my point is is
00:48:15
that there is a disrespect there for small penises yeah and now if they were like a little man
00:48:21
and they had a micro i'd be loud proportionally but i've seen bigger dudes with mics
00:48:26
little mics and it just like mics big guys how do you guys feel about the roe versus wade
00:48:32
ah man we're really hitting all the key marks on this show i uh i mean so we could just get away
00:48:38
from [ __ ] okay you know what you're saying i have an unpopular opinion what i'm not pro-choice or pro-life i'm pro-abortion
00:48:50
because let me qualify this okay i believe that there are some people who just should not be [ __ ] allowed to have kids straight up okay i think that it's absurd that
00:49:01
that you have to get a license to drive a car to catch a [ __ ] fish you have to get a license but any [ __ ]
00:49:09
can uh create a human being become a parent and i'd okay let me say i'll give you a scenario right let's take andrew
00:49:15
and i i'm a woman right i'll be the woman in the scenario he's the guy we're both married right
00:49:21
right and you're the you know i mean the person at the government or wherever right that's you know interviewing us yeah to see if we
00:49:28
kind of kind of like when you go to the dmv you got a test drive yeah dude we're coming in hi hi my name is
00:49:37
santino this is my husband andrew santino hey this is me and my wife all right yeah ask us some questions because we
00:49:44
want to have baby i i think that like like like what should be the the benchmark for
00:49:51
for getting licensed to become a parent i think that's asking us a question we're in a scenario here steve
00:49:57
i mean i think that you that you should have to uh pass a course in developmental psychology okay because
00:50:07
because you're telling us the characters in this cinema area or you're just telling people
00:50:14
in general i think that people are uh people are are ignorant of um of the different stages of developmental psychology in ways that really harm
00:50:26
their their children in a long long term yeah one of the few things i remember from
00:50:31
from the universe when i was at the university of miami i remember like learning piaget's
00:50:37
this this philosopher guy or whatever this psychologist his uh developmental psychology and and he he
00:50:44
pinned it down to like a where okay babies uh just come home right the newborn baby it's in the crib and it's crying like there's there's a philosophy like
00:50:56
i'm not going to come and see that every time the baby cries and like like the life that let me feel like teach my baby that that the crying
00:51:03
gets you somewhere right you know yeah that's bad that's my that was my dad by the way did that to me he said [ __ ] carl you want
00:51:10
[ __ ] you know but they hear that that with that which you're not allowed to have a baby cry why both because the baby's doesn't know about the world right it it feels it feels upset it
00:51:21
feels sad scared it's crying it's responses if you pick it up every time it cries the the theory is that it
00:51:28
wouldn't understand it thinks that that's how it gets everything it needs if it cries right the reality is according to you couldn't
00:51:35
yeah is that that that the the baby learns about the world kid like i i need comfort i'm scared the world doesn't [ __ ] care about me you know like and this is uh where
00:51:48
deviants is it it starts now then then the next thing i remember you know it's like the world doesn't give a [ __ ] about me i don't give a [ __ ] about the world yeah [ __ ] everybody yeah
00:52:00
that that starts rebellion that starts in the in the crib when like whether and how you handle the baby crying then when
00:52:07
you get so what are you supposed to do just i have for a friend i think you're supposed to come and comfort it like hey if the baby's crying you comfort it yeah
00:52:15
i think that that's what i remember all right so when you were crying you weren't comforted correct and your dad
00:52:20
went [ __ ] the baby let him cry right and then i'm deviant as all hell yeah yeah i'm just trying to learn not to
00:52:26
have one of you right yeah yeah yeah all right so because if you don't do that then you're gonna have a [ __ ] baby in
00:52:32
the sky jacking off there's a lot of ways of thought though it makes sense and and i i remember being particularly fascinated by this there was a with with potty training
00:52:44
right the baby you know like there's a position you can take that like oh that's bad i'm gonna [ __ ] tell you now you just [ __ ] did something wrong
00:52:55
that's bad and we're gonna we're gonna teach you the right way and that's not it well in the baby's mind that they did
00:53:01
nothing like nothing wrong right like it's a perfectly natural thing and now i'm being scolded for for uh pooping and
00:53:10
peeing where like i can't help that and so this is where insecurity can come from no matter what i do no matter what i do so you just let them [ __ ] and pee wherever they are
00:53:21
no i'm asking you i'm not i'm not a [ __ ] parent this is something that people shouldn't
00:53:27
he didn't get a license yeah he didn't get a license or something you know but that is interesting so if you school the
00:53:33
baby for [ __ ] and pooing then it's like it creates insecurities yeah the world's
00:53:39
not fair you know i didn't i'm being punished for something that i like have no control over it's perfect
00:53:45
like you know just let him go free no matter if i do the right thing or the wrong thing the world's gonna [ __ ]
00:53:51
[ __ ] i'm it's gonna punish me and the world's not fair and and so you hold the baby when it's crying right if it shits and pee just let him go
00:54:04
what about if he steals the toys from other kids what do you do you don't you don't let them you you say no i just assume you would say no i don't remember that from uh but no i'm
00:54:17
just asking what you think what do you think if if you're if your kid is stealing a a
00:54:23
toy from another kid what does stevo do and that's to be real stevo's kid steals a toy from another kid yeah what do you do what does stevo do what does stevo do [ __ ] man i i
00:54:37
seemed like this this is too heavy that's why i got a vasectomy i can't deal with this
00:54:44
that's why i got a business what would you do because you wouldn't get the license then wow i [ __ ]
00:54:52
i i'd shoot blanks dude i i cut my vast difference yeah if my kid steals another
00:54:57
kid's toy yeah i'm the other father hey man your your kid just we're at preschool can they watch what is there a window where we watch right yeah we're watching yeah we're looking after a [ __ ] two one-way
00:55:09
mirror yeah yeah yeah it's like yeah it's like the feds we're in that one-way mirror yeah yo
00:55:15
dude i just saw your kid uh steal a toy from mike my kid no no [ __ ] yeah what kind of toy what do you steal
00:55:22
tonka oh tonka truck yeah yeah he loves tonka truck yeah so that's what you would do
00:55:27
do you have kids andrew no no yeah yeah yeah what do you mean i'm not yeah yeah that's yeah he loves those trucks yeah
00:55:34
you're not gonna what's that steal just talk tell scold your kid hey buddy is that your truck it's his right
00:55:45
good boy [Laughter] you got to take what you want in this world and don't let these little [ __ ]
00:55:51
asian pieces of [ __ ] teach you things i pick what i want and that racism and start asian hate yeah right right so you're teaching two things i like that now what if your kid if your kid does something wrong tell me tell me don't no
00:56:03
no i would add to that that's what you would do tommy tell me don't no no tell me tell me don't know right tell me
00:56:10
tell me no no tell me i don't know no right oh no i would probably go to the other baby i'm sorry i would i would always have to have some sort of accent probably
00:56:21
because i'm sorry right and i would bring it back give it back to the kid give him
00:56:27
the toy bag right and tommy now we don't know no right tommy my son right why not why not right that's right why not and i would have to
00:56:37
come to you and call you probably yeah why not i go let him steal the toys there's no right way to [ __ ] parent it's got to be a [ __ ] nightmare it's a total [ __ ] it's a total [ __ ] nightmare all of our parents [ __ ] up
00:56:58
with all of us nobody in this room had parents that didn't [ __ ] up the point is everyone's gonna [ __ ] up you want to
00:57:03
promote anything steve do i want to promote anything um the tour you're touring right now i saw your [ __ ]
00:57:08
dates tearing my dick off um when are you done um it depends i i'm not sure my i have
00:57:17
dates booked through like [ __ ] man i think november i don't think they're all announced yet but uh
00:57:24
i've got dates into november go to stevo's website and check that out [ __ ] go good chance i'm coming near
00:57:30
you with skyjacking sky jackie yeah yeah we if you have when you get married we'd love
00:57:36
to if you want to invite us we'd love to come i did no that's so much but don't do that i would love to have you no
00:57:42
because i never get no here's what no [ __ ] you because i i i never get invited those things to weddings yeah so now i
00:57:48
want to just tell them i'm willing to come you just went to a bunch i know i know i don't want i like them
00:57:53
so what do you mean you don't get invited you literally just went in and i'm gonna go to his too okay what's up so you do get invited we are planning
00:57:59
recently we are in canada in canada we are planning on getting married and i'd love to go to canada okay check it out
00:58:05
where in canada uh british columbia yeah vancouver or um i would say about an hour east of vancouver can you make it yeah i would love to go
00:58:16
far jules would you like to go i don't have a visa i think uh we've missed you so much is our first episode back by the way yeah yeah we have that we never asked
00:58:30
her a lot of questions but we'll next one jules do you want to talk about your experience about going to the philippines do you want to say anything
00:58:35
that you were were you i saw you post a picture of you underneath a waterfall or swimming at a waterfall remember we
00:58:41
looked at it on the show like she was just sort of like yeah oh yeah um i was just drunk the whole week so
00:58:47
and she saw her sister yeah she has a sister she almost came out here so issa but her her um passport was uh expired expert i know i was kidding yeah
00:59:00
i was getting there and so she was gonna come here for three or four months she couldn't come yeah and when she was leaving for the airport
00:59:06
issa cried they both cried oh you cried yeah you never cry yeah yeah i don't know i guess i kind of miss them oh no
00:59:14
you're starting to feel feelings yeah yeah yeah and she came back into town her boyfriend picked her up
00:59:19
yeah what did he say when he saw you i missed you so much yeah but we didn't [ __ ]
00:59:25
you didn't [ __ ] why not you haven't [ __ ] yet he's a virgin oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] does he think you're a
00:59:31
virgin no he knows what um so that means that you guys can do like everything except actually yeah yeah
00:59:42
but wait a minute have you talked about has he does have you talked about losing his virginity to you he wants to i can't wait he's scared
00:59:49
he's scared yeah what can we do to help him well we'll see him tomorrow tomorrow
00:59:55
should we give him a little pep talk how old is he well he's 20 yeah i think he's on the right track what do you mean i i
01:00:03
mean in the words of my good buddy chris pawnees who just gave this advice to a high school graduate just graduated he said remember a vagina is no place for
01:00:14
semen that's a fact write that down write that down vagina is no place for semen yeah and i agree with that yeah keep your [ __ ] out of these vaginas yeah yeah so might as
01:00:26
well just leave the dick out leave the dick out yeah right no dick yeah got it yeah
01:00:33
say i got it i got it say no dick no dick no dick also he he's never done it before he's gonna
01:00:38
come in two seconds yeah why because when guys have sex for the first time it's a sensation that they've never felt they've never felt before and it's and it's and it's the magnitude is indescribable
01:00:50
you've tried it [ __ ] have i tried coming in no no nobody tries yeah nobody tries to do it it just happens um well look steve look steve can you
01:01:07
look in the camera because we have a closing set man okay good good and say thank you for being a bad friend yeah
01:01:15
thank you for being a bad friend fairy that's the best one [Music] why i think you are a i think you would be a great clown i think thank you i think you would be a
01:01:32
fantastic clown i think your uh first name was asian clown first asian clown the first famous asian clown what's your clown name oh yeah what was your name and
01:01:42
i was stevo the clown okay yeah that works is that too nip nippy the clown nippy the clown and there's holes cut out over your nipples yeah yeah yeah how about nipsy hustle
01:01:55
nips rest in peace god bless you yeah yeah let's not talk about the dead rest in peace nippy the clown nippy the clown
01:02:01
that's fine and your nips are out so if someone's like that's racist you're like it's about my tits my nipples all right
01:02:07
yeah nippy the clown yeah and you squirt yeah yeah milk comes out of your little titties
01:02:13
yeah and i wear like a little armor i say and my tagline was like there's a [ __ ] in
01:02:18
my arm no there's a knot there's a yeah there's a chain right there that's racist you go no that i haven't wearing armor that's another there's a little bit of a dent
01:02:28
is that what chick means yes yeah yeah you have uh stumbled on a pun yeah what what's your clap what's your name uh you wouldn't even have to change your
01:02:40
hair or it's already ready yeah yeah when i was in clown college they said that um
01:02:47
we are proud of our art we don't um insult our art by coming up with with stupid names like snuggles or doors and things like we use our names because we're proud of who we are and the art
01:02:59
that we perform also i'm bobby the clown and i said that i don't know what you're saying
01:03:05
yeah yeah yeah all right steve you're andrew the clown andrew oh it would be like andrew santino the
01:03:11
condor bobby leader bobby lee the clown yeah it doesn't have a ring to it b lee how
01:03:17
about b lee you could be [Music]