00:00:03
Merry Christmas to you look what we have we have Christmas brand new crimace merch
00:00:09
Juicy's got the Home Alone shout out with her face and we did our glasses on it even which is amazing mine's just a
00:00:15
red with me bad friends and I've got the uh the ugly family um Walmart Photo uh go to
00:00:22
badfriendsmerch.com you can get all this stuff there it's great for stockings
00:00:27
say some other stuff it's great for it's good for the under the tree and it's good for Santa and an elves and eggnog
00:00:35
okay wearing this and wearing drinking eggnog is so good go to badfriendsmerch.com hey bad friends I'm gonna be in Boston
00:00:42
New Year's Eve come out and see me New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve the night before if you already have plans
00:00:47
on New Year's Eve come see me the night before go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets andrewsantino.com you two are bad
00:00:54
friends who are these two idiots
00:00:59
[Music] we're bad friends
00:01:05
what the [ __ ] you talking about man no no hold on all right Max deliver deliver the keys
00:01:11
and the Red Bull to well that's his name that's Max
00:01:16
[Laughter] that's me that's our new intern I know
00:01:22
but do you not know who our interests easy Spectrum or Izzy yeah you tell me
00:01:28
he's like super spark what are the he's a super effective bring up some uh traits of people that are on the Spectrum yeah and we'll just go down the
00:01:34
list I'd love to know because I've been observing them and you want him to sit down and talk to him for a second I don't really go ahead Max go sit down
00:01:40
Max right sit down Max sit down and put on the headphones and do you get your hair styled from the culkins
00:01:48
did you see home alone oh that's the one oh Macaulay any of them do you know who
00:01:53
the other culkins are no you know that they're actors I know Macaulay Culkin he
00:01:59
is the sickest there's another one the other one's on succession you like succession I've only seen like the first
00:02:05
season yeah he's on every single episode Kieran Culkin oh really he looks exactly
00:02:10
like and who's the third one Rory Rory what
00:02:15
movie Nobody Knows signs oh yeah he was a signs kid no he wasn't Rory Culkin was
00:02:22
in signs he was the kid with the water no the girl with the water that's her
00:02:28
brother yeah look at wait Google Rory Culkin in signs what did he do in signs
00:02:33
he was the song on a [ __ ] metal God don't get me angry it's a great movie what are you doing presuming out
00:02:40
wait a minute that's Rory Culkin do you remember you've tilts the [ __ ]
00:02:45
Mel's head that's him to the left go back to the picture that first one yeah who's that guy and left is that guy is
00:02:51
that Kanye West no that's what Kanye West that's the first guy that did that I think he was Kanye West was influenced
00:02:59
by this guy is that Kanye East yeah that is right there Mel Gibson yeah so Rory Culkin was in science he was great in
00:03:05
that movie shout out to the Culkin Clan they're killing it so did you see signs no never seen signs okay if you know what it is
00:03:12
no well she'll tell you what the movies are well so for our Audience by the way this is our intern Max he is a family
00:03:17
friend of mine he's working for us and is he doing a good job guys yeah fancy tells the truth and Carlos says
00:03:25
and you know what Carlos I like you more yeah because fancy went like this you know how judgmental he is Spanish people
00:03:33
because he's just been out for so long so science it's about an alien invasion and Cheyenne m m knock shamalak oh he
00:03:41
makes good movies right so he basically it's like a gay
00:03:47
sci-fi right it's okay sci-fi it's a gay sci-fi movie it's the first gay sci-fi movie so these aliens come down and and
00:03:53
and Mel Gibson sees them kissing in a field okay and he's smoking a cigarette and he and he's cigar it's a cigar it's
00:03:59
a cigar Cuban cigar Cuban cigar because he's half Cuban in it that's right right and he sees these two aliens kissing in
00:04:05
the field that's him with this Cuban cigar right there and there's a Cuban right there yeah right next door he hangs out with Cubans yeah right now
00:04:12
they're just friends they're just friends they're just friends yeah yeah yeah I love that I've seen it yeah that's great right you saw it I've seen
00:04:18
signs yeah and what happens is two male aliens are kissing female is Mel right is a preacher but he's gay gotcha right
00:04:26
he's gay but he hasn't come out to his family right and he murders his wife but
00:04:32
that's like later wait he murdered her yeah I thought I thought the little boy kills
00:04:38
her through him though right he takes over his body right right through him he does
00:04:43
it right Mel Gibson is again this isn't hard no no no Mel Gibson's a gay preacher he
00:04:48
sees two gay aliens kissing a little boy embodies him hit Mel and kills his wife which is his mother
00:04:55
was the little boy the alien no the little boy's his son human yeah he's a
00:05:00
human right the [ __ ] the [ __ ] aliens are gay those ones in the field isn't
00:05:06
his son his son's making love to another what are you talking about and you can tell that they're the only reason you
00:05:11
know that they're gay when the spaceship comes down it's like and then they come out and they go take
00:05:17
me to your leader Your Leader your leader leader leader leader I thought that part though was like that was a
00:05:23
little over the top way over the top it kind of throws it off but I just thought that was Overkill they didn't need to be that like flamboyant about it but yeah
00:05:30
kind of stereotypical but it was a different time it was but science is a symbol right and the sign is is that
00:05:36
like this is the sign that's how they say on their on the two
00:05:41
gay aliens on their bodies there is a um they have a hieroglyphic tattooey kind
00:05:47
of a thing yeah what is it and it's like I don't remember what it's the um a rainbow flag oh right it's that well no
00:05:53
no it's all inclusive flag oh that's what it was yeah because I think they updated it well that's how it came up because the signs came out and that then
00:05:59
that's how they created the that's right time for the movement and the and the end scene the aliens are playing tug of
00:06:05
war but they're doing with anal beads so they're looking both in different directions and they're pulling as hard as they can and the beads and the and
00:06:12
the Rory Culkin for some reason he does a jump rope thing so nothing dude the thing goes they're
00:06:19
aim will be just assumes that yeah it's play time right right and he does like eight eight to ten right I think it's
00:06:26
ten and his male goes like stop it cut it out cut it out that's what Mel says yeah yeah yeah anyway that's the movie
00:06:33
that's the movie that's a really good movie yeah you should see it there's a Twist though oh yeah what is the tour and I always has a toy yeah do you
00:06:40
remember what the twist was in signs well the twist is okay so
00:06:46
the kid ends up uh also feeling really gay and yeah I think
00:06:52
that's right yeah and then they find out the sun isn't Mel Gibson's blood son that's right that's right that's right
00:06:58
his mom was dead and in her will they find out that it's not really his father and then uh despite the age difference
00:07:04
they fall in love Mel Gibson and his non-biological son and they're absolutely date again that's it that's
00:07:10
it and they're also dead the whole time oh yeah they are good the whole time
00:07:15
right yeah yeah yeah yeah they're all dead yes they are that's it which is you know he's changed themes like he should
00:07:23
switch it up I know well the kid the kids saw dead people in the original one but this time they were dead themselves
00:07:29
yeah that's pretty good that's pretty good yeah yeah it was no Village but it was pretty good yeah it's pretty good
00:07:36
you're gonna watch it I mean yeah it's I'm on my list now let me ask you something Max is that your name right
00:07:41
yeah yeah how old are you I'm 20. who are you living he lives here I live
00:07:46
here I know but where like down the street but in an apartment no with my parents
00:07:54
that's mean it's this time of year I have allergies oh is that what it was right and so it just comes out get him
00:08:00
some Claritin yeah yeah I'm sorry get him some credit then yeah with an R so
00:08:06
let me ask you something a little different he's 20 years old I
00:08:11
didn't do anything why are you making fun of him he's like 40 years younger than you
00:08:25
do you have a job that's my job this is his [ __ ] job this is his job yeah we
00:08:30
hired him I did I did oh but does it does it come out of my [ __ ] or no better believe it oh my god well next time you
00:08:37
hire people can I go through that process with you nope okay no he's an intern what are you getting
00:08:42
paid Max experience oh so you're not getting any money right so we're gonna give him a gift when it's over so when
00:08:48
your parent when you come home and your parents like Max you know what I mean clean your room they're British his mom
00:08:53
and dad box they're playing around no that's a really good British thank you Maximilian yeah yeah Maximilian that's
00:09:00
his real name right yeah and then you go I was just working yeah this is hard to get paid nothing
00:09:09
and they feel good about that yeah okay there's a job interview for me okay he's already got the job I know but I just
00:09:15
need to go through the interview though you got it all right thank you good with this Max oh I'm I'm here for it you are one time let me if I were to guess
00:09:22
um you've had sex with one person okay first of all first of all first of all
00:09:28
that's illegal to ask about Saturday can I take it back no it's over he's
00:09:34
gonna sue us we're [ __ ] all right let me take it Blow Your up let me come here I'm gonna go different direction please
00:09:40
I really do you believe in God is that better what are you doing oh you're not
00:09:45
able to do that no all right uh let me guess did you play sports it is illegal to ask a candidate a job candidate about
00:09:51
their age or genetic information birthplace country of origin institution of disability gender sex sexual orientation marital status family or
00:09:57
pregnancy race color ethnicity or religion you knocked out all of us I get it all right so now that I know the
00:10:03
rules okay right may I start anew of course okay
00:10:09
um you like sports yeah I watch it on watch a lot of soccer do you really yeah oh this is something
00:10:16
you guys have in common really what what club do you support uh Arsenal no you don't yes
00:10:22
you swear on your life his mother and father are from England let me ask you some questions yeah
00:10:29
what's the stadium called uh the Emirates of course and then before that it was hybrid
00:10:34
top score of all time tyrionry keep going keep going to tickles fans on the theory honorary um team name me
00:10:41
three other players that were on that team um we have Patrick Vieira Cesc all the pens cess Fabregas that was he was
00:10:47
younger but he was yeah yeah and then we have uh Campbell burkamp Ian Ian Wright was before Ray parlor
00:10:54
um yeah Perez Freddie youngberg yeah did you just fall in love with Max he's hired he's the [ __ ] man bro you're
00:11:01
hired I don't care if you have the suspective yeah I don't care that you
00:11:06
have albinoisms right I don't care that you're an install and you haven't had sex right I don't care if you believe in God or not whatever first of all he
00:11:13
believes in God and he's a [ __ ] machine he is he really is a [ __ ] machine he's a sex machine dude oh [ __ ] yeah
00:11:19
dude and he's an artist but that's why that's why I know that's what he says when he gets girls at the bar he goes
00:11:25
hey Arsenal yeah so let me can I ask him and they just so wet let me ask you something about do you think we have a
00:11:30
what do you think of in place at the end of the year uh top realistically top three you think
00:11:36
because you think that we don't have a bench and you think that in the second half of the Year we're gonna falter I
00:11:41
just think our team's very young and that like fatigue is gonna happen eventually especially I really do agree
00:11:48
with you but I think we'll take top four this year no of course Champions League which is gonna which is gonna bring in new players who because a lot of players
00:11:54
haven't been coming to Arsenal because we're not a Champions League Contender that's exactly right and then therefore we'll have it's not it's not nerd alert
00:12:01
sorry it's not nerd alert this is what the world watches by the way so let's talk let's talk relevancy now beyond the
00:12:08
fact that you guys found love for Arsenal um say goodnight to Max goodbye Max you're the best in the world all right thank you now go back there and and do
00:12:15
the thing you do with Carlos behind the scenes that nobody talks about yeah I'm actually the greatest should I just leave this here yeah give them a high
00:12:20
five on the way out because he loves you so much another handshake man God bless Max is the [ __ ] best what a [ __ ]
00:12:25
good one love Max where'd you find this little angel family friend dude yeah he's way better than all these other guys 100 they don't know nothing about
00:12:32
nothing so let's talk what have happen today even though it's going to come out in a while what USA we won you better believe we won barely
00:12:39
do you know what happens to Iran ah they die they kill him and they 100 kill them well they put the little thing
00:12:46
on with the women wear what is it called a shop
00:12:54
Africa I know why I said shop Iranians go back they put the burqa on
00:13:00
right they tear and then they make them tear it off and then they beat them do they beat him yeah huh
00:13:07
look at that though USA it's going to come out a little bit later but thank God we won today one nil yeah but we're gonna lose during the Netherlands is
00:13:14
next we're gonna lose sure yeah we're out that's okay brother it's not our it's not our main
00:13:20
Gig if we if if Americans pushed our top
00:13:25
athletes to play that sport we would win every World Cup but here's the problem
00:13:30
imagine if Michael Jordan LeBron James any of those guys that played basketball and stuff grew up playing [ __ ] soccer
00:13:37
but here we would rule here's the problem here's the initial problem what's the problem watch your mouth
00:13:42
though okay happy Merry Christmas Merry Christmas yeah okay
00:13:48
and I love you happy Hanukkah I love you too go ahead the problem is and you know I like footy I think footy's tight
00:13:55
my problem is black guys who are the greatest athletes here in the United States hand over fit it's not even a
00:14:02
conversation not even them it's not cool enough that's what I'm saying it's just not cool but in England it is I know but how
00:14:08
could you make it cool because look black guy you have to get rid of the NFL and the NBA we have to get rid of the
00:14:14
two most profitable that's impossible I know it's never gonna happen it's never gonna happen yeah but if you got rid of those two organizations yeah then they
00:14:21
played a new band like if I was the president I would ban those two sports
00:14:26
New York right you can only play in New York in those little [ __ ] cement things they would yeah what are those
00:14:31
called basketball courts right [Laughter]
00:14:38
it would just be it'd have to be cooler that like the problem is bro basketball dunking is like so [ __ ] cool do an
00:14:46
overhead kick is so cool but it happens so rarely and dunking dunking happens to us all the time us okay I bet your money
00:14:53
a Scorpion Kick is way better than any dunk no no way you know what a Scorpion Kick is yeah of course what is it what
00:14:59
do you mean it's [ __ ] where you go over your head and you kick it backwards that's an overhead kick Scorpion and then you you oh no scorpion with the
00:15:06
legs go above the back yeah yeah yeah Olivia Duro did it once yeah
00:15:14
nicolitarian did it once mutant M who's the M guide little tiny Mexican guy with an M Maradona Maradona did it maybe he
00:15:20
did it no he did there's a video of him doing it yeah but Olivia Giro did my favorite one Argentina Bolivia
00:15:26
um Scorpion Kick is the best one I've ever seen but I'm saying here's the point this happens so rarely dunking happens every night on ESPN they have
00:15:33
the top 10 best [ __ ] and I equate it to this yeah and listen to
00:15:38
me here here everybody listen up when you [ __ ]
00:15:44
you [ __ ] before right cup times I know you [ __ ] before yeah right she'd be
00:15:49
[ __ ] imagine as a guy that you orgasmed 82 times during a session but
00:15:54
they're like a little too little orgasms or you have one orgasm at the end that's
00:16:01
a relief you know what what I'll take that that's what soccer is 82 little ones yeah of course not basketball
00:16:07
that's basketball yeah no I take the one at the end
00:16:28
oh my God the little orgasm is too much all those little ones are the big ones
00:16:33
right so this is what they are right oh
00:16:39
that's what you're doing still feels good it feels good right but this is [ __ ]
00:16:47
oh and he's just shaking right right it sounds like you're hurt
00:16:55
there's too much maybe it's too much maybe it's too much but my point is is that footy should be bigger here it's
00:17:00
just not it's just not cool enough for the black guys I know but it maybe basketball with feet only
00:17:07
that's footy no that goes up high in a little basket oh oh just make it very
00:17:13
hard or harder yes it's hard enough to score in soccer as it is yeah make it harder yes then it's cool I saw a great
00:17:20
meme that someone put out that said here's how an American wants to fix soccer to make it more American what the
00:17:27
field is too big make it much much smaller make the goals much smaller take out half of the people on the field and
00:17:33
then put it on ice then it's a perfect American sport yeah
00:17:38
then you can fit more people in the stadium you can sell more drinks it's great anyway I um that being said
00:17:44
congratulations USA yeah that too congratulations we I want to address something that's been three weeks in the making now or two weeks in the making
00:17:50
now Bobby's Twitter was hacked I'm still there please stop texting or please stop [ __ ] adding us saying do you know
00:17:57
that this yeah we [ __ ] know it's hacked we've known attacked there's nothing to do we've tried so many different ways he's hacked please don't
00:18:05
buy a laptop from him don't buy a laptop somebody I apparently somebody did buy a
00:18:10
laptop from him six people bought a laptop oh my God stop buying don't even don't unfollow me yet you know because
00:18:17
he's going to get it back yeah I'm gonna get it back don't know don't buy these what the [ __ ] are you guys doing yeah don't buy those what really sucks is now
00:18:24
you can't do your actual laptop business yeah well that's good that's true that's true I had one and now oh my God don't
00:18:32
even get off of that it makes me so mad you know it's like I've never had my identity identity stolen have you that's
00:18:38
still not the identity I know but that's just such a big difference between that no you've never had your
00:18:44
Twitter hack you've never had your social media first of all you know I would really like you for this new
00:18:50
year coming up let me finish my sentence before you make a joke and you shame me
00:18:56
oh so don't do the show Good no do it good let's keep doing what you're doing okay I like it Dad you're right I'm not
00:19:03
sure I'm saying I didn't finish what I was saying I apologize I go I've never had my identity hacked right but having
00:19:10
your Twitter hacked it feels vaguely you can kind of assume what it might feel like if you triple a code quadrupled
00:19:16
that feeling
00:19:23
I know
00:19:29
when I kept going I was like oh my God I'm going into a desert yeah Bobby's like the guy that he throws a brick
00:19:35
through a wind a plate glass window to like rob a place yeah but then it's like the alarm's going off and then he doesn't he has no idea what to do to Rob
00:19:41
well no I I throw a brick in the second window and I realize I didn't bring a ladder yeah how do I get up there right
00:19:49
so I made a mistake there's a couple of steps two-story Bank I'm gonna write but might might but it there is something
00:19:54
violating about being happy being hacked in any way because it's like how do you get it back we've tried right I write I
00:20:01
write we wrote to Twitter we wrote to [ __ ] the verified account yeah you know Elon Elon dear Elon Musk please
00:20:09
help uh Bob but you know it's that's been freeing because I you know Twitter's one of those things I go on
00:20:15
every single day so it's like Twitter have you been hacked before but I am getting messages for uh for him
00:20:22
actually I was kind of hacked when I was a kid I was like in sixth grade I had aim and I had my AOL screen name was fun
00:20:29
size cowgirl because because I was very small
00:20:34
and all the candy bars that were miniature called Fun Size yeah so I'm at
00:20:40
school they call me fun size but Toy Story 2 came out Jesse the Cowgirl so
00:20:45
fun size cowgirl great screen name anyway that's what I Google in um PornHub
00:20:52
and it might have been you then who took it because somebody took my name and started sending out porn with it and I
00:20:58
got bombarded with messages one day I logged into the computer all excited to talk to my friends and all these pop-ups
00:21:04
were coming up and they were like that's disgusting what you sent me uh I don't want to ever see that again and or like
00:21:10
can send me more please as a kid what do you do in that situation I just started crying and I
00:21:16
like I was like shocked and then my mom stepped in and like took care of it yeah yeah and then I was like sucks Jessie
00:21:23
j3120. yeah it's like um please don't buy a
00:21:28
laptop from Bobby I'm gonna say it again because people have been sending me [ __ ] constant ads and also if you are
00:21:35
getting suckered by this hey I'm sorry but also come on what wow [ __ ] stupid already
00:21:43
yeah no you're right that's like what are you doing my [ __ ] laptop I don't
00:21:48
even promote my things yeah he doesn't promote this show oh this show you a
00:21:54
[ __ ] laptop it's the same people that get duped into [ __ ] like a Nigerian prince sending them millions of dollars
00:22:00
and all that stuff it's like you feel bad but you're like but do I you that's nuts that they got you yeah on emails
00:22:06
you get hey Bobby it's Susan how are you I don't know who the [ __ ] is Susan who are you I kind of want to go I'm fine
00:22:13
Susan how are you let's just see what happened what happens after that yeah that's how they hug your Twitter account
00:22:19
yeah when you started conversing with them oh it's all making sense oh you're saying that I still conversing
00:22:26
with some guy and that's how they that's I didn't sound like you're saying that no I didn't say that no that's not what
00:22:32
I'm saying I don't know that's what I'm saying and you know what dude um be careful because Max is around the corner and he might take your job
00:22:39
I might promote Max do it you wouldn't mind how could I mine if I got rid of Andreas is a big part look at he has a
00:22:45
photo of no no he's a huge part of the show yeah fire Pete oh Pete Pete's never even here he's not even here right I'm
00:22:52
thinking about it watch it watch it watch [ __ ] Pete it's gonna get fired watch it for Pete you watch it for Pete
00:22:59
so um what's going on with you you know what talk about your Susan
00:23:08
guys um we're an online business we send t-shirts and stuff and merch all over the country around the world and ship
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sponsored by betterhelp you guys um during the pandemic and even now I use better helped for my mental health and I
00:24:26
think therapy is very important yeah you have to be able to like you know you we carry around all this baggage guys and
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bad friends that's better help h-e-l-p.com slash bad friends yeah we
00:25:38
can't go personal if we can um is everything good yeah things are good all right good I don't think I
00:25:46
could get it let's move on yeah hold on it's uncomfortable well I will
00:25:51
okay I'll just say I told Bobby a secret and I told you I'm not
00:25:57
you know I confided in you at lunch trusted you I trusted you and wanted you
00:26:02
to keep it a big secret as a mentor and what did you do I kept it a secret
00:26:09
attention everybody everywhere juicy just told me I didn't do that and
00:26:15
that's ridiculous it was so cool I was at the before it happened it was closing the at The Comedy Store by the office I
00:26:22
was about to host a show in the main room and I was at Pauly Shore that Rick Ingram came up he was like oh yeah okay
00:26:28
I remember for a second he's here on tour with Chris Rock and we both opened for Paulie and then Bobby comes up so
00:26:35
I'm like holy [ __ ] like all police openers are here and then Bobby looks
00:26:41
right at Polly and just blurts out this secret and it it kind of felt like
00:26:47
it kind of felt like you wanted to see if he knew like like can I defend myself
00:26:54
real quick yes maybe defend myself she can say you can say no yeah yeah okay well I'm gonna
00:27:00
do it anyway right yeah she says no she knows that yeah right yeah so number one I thought it was so when somebody says a
00:27:07
secret I think that I always think that the people in this Inner Circle already know the secret right so it's just like
00:27:14
you know I mean um did you say don't tell anybody I said I've told a very few people
00:27:21
then I'm on Bobby's side now I can't remember if I said don't tell anybody but it I felt like it was I'm on your
00:27:27
side thank you so much I felt like it was like I needed to do no because when you say I've only told a few people that
00:27:32
means you've told 50. no I really hadn't but yeah it's small let me just defend myself right it's your old boss a guy
00:27:39
that his family owns the club right a guy that's hired you to open for him right you tell him a lot of things
00:27:45
because he tells me the things you tell them right he tells me the things you tell him yeah right so I just assumed
00:27:51
that that was okay in that environment number two right who was I with
00:27:58
oh this is the only reason you brought this up because Bobby was with the smoke show at
00:28:04
10. now I'm getting all right so I'm with a smoke show 10.
00:28:12
all right I'm smoking man yeah I got the smoke showing right and I'm you know not
00:28:18
because she's like I want to meet Paulie I don't know why yeah I mean there's other people around you're a man I'm
00:28:24
Polly so I go yeah I bring him right there was just this awkward like thing where I was like I didn't know what to
00:28:30
say right and I'm with smoke show right so I just I look at her and I go just
00:28:36
the thing that came in my mind was like how's that thing going whatever that thing you brought out our secret yes hey
00:28:41
hot girl listen to this other girl no yeah yeah good move I think first he said this is Jesse she's my sidekick and
00:28:50
then he flirted up oh I said psychic are you not my sidekick though
00:28:56
she's our sidekick I know but you we're there I know but just say this is our
00:29:02
sidekick and Logo who's ours I apologize to me my boy I apologize and
00:29:07
I won't take it personal if you don't tell me secrets anymore but but how about this be more specific tell me the
00:29:13
secrets and I won't tell anybody I will tell Bobby but I won't tell anybody after that and then hopefully he won't tell
00:29:20
anybody I I got my first taste of uh uh a bad friend from you
00:29:26
oh that's your first bad friend to actual bad friend oh good I like that because before you're like this magical
00:29:32
genie in my life and you're just granting like all my wishes and now you see through all the books
00:29:39
no what are you see no shut the [ __ ] up what do you say I'm starting to see some of your flaws that I never saw before
00:29:48
yeah I'll be honest and I will say I still love you very much despite your
00:29:53
flaws okay and maybe maybe because of your problem all right I'm a flawed man let me tell
00:30:00
you what Bobby did to me Thanksgiving Day Thanksgiving Day no this wasn't a big deal thank you but it made me laugh
00:30:07
I put up I never post on Instagram every [ __ ] month I put up a photo Maybe
00:30:12
and I delete them because I hate him because I [ __ ] hate that app I put up a photo genuinely of pictures
00:30:18
that I genuinely I wrote thankful that's all I wrote I saw that post he was number one there was a picture of Chris
00:30:25
O'Connor one of my best friends in comedy like I just put up a bunch of photos of fun stuff because I never post I thought this would be okay to do
00:30:31
within seconds he texts me take that [ __ ] photo down bro not even like hey what's up love you
00:30:38
he go take that [ __ ] and I go seriously and he goes yeah dude I look like [ __ ] in that photo first of all no
00:30:45
he doesn't he's sitting down naked he looks cute as [ __ ] it was on the couch in San Diego you guys remember that photo and I love that photo
00:30:52
and he it broke my [ __ ] heart so I sat on the couch by the fire sad and I deleted it and it really
00:30:59
bummed me out and and I was like you really want me to take it down and you're like do whatever you want bro which means it's it's yeah take it down
00:31:06
can I ask you something when you read a script right he's reading a script with
00:31:12
no stage Direction and he not knowing what the character is saying read it so when you're reading it right we'll read
00:31:17
your lines read your lines the way that you said it so give me the line I'll [ __ ] bring it up give me the lines dude I'll bring it up right I mean this
00:31:25
is ridiculous I just feel like I'm on trial Happy Thanksgiving take that photo down
00:31:30
I look like [ __ ] all right I got it Happy Thanksgiving
00:31:40
let's say it out loud okay go ahead all right take that photo down I look like [ __ ]
00:31:46
and I wrote I love you I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life and you wrote you too take that photo
00:31:53
you too take that photo take that photo down please I'm fat in it I'm fat love you take it
00:32:00
down take it down now I look fat in it and I wrote you're not fat it's an old
00:32:06
picture and I love you you're my best friend take it down don't rage me out on
00:32:12
Thanksgiving don't rage me out on Thanksgiving that's the photo that
00:32:18
wasn't the photo no no it didn't have the if I if that had the [ __ ] my mermaid form if I was in mermaid form I
00:32:24
would you would you should have kept it in it was so cute yeah yeah you inspire people with this picture not so much
00:32:30
people love the photo I love mermaid and then I said you said don't rage me out on Thanksgiving which immediately pissed me
00:32:36
off all right if when he does that when he like threatens me and I said who cares it's fun and he goes you do whatever you want
00:32:43
Carlos I love what Carlos was doing right now I do too because Carlos is going yeah Andrew get him because he
00:32:49
treats me like that too is that what that smile why am I like kind of gay in your impression too yeah and let me say
00:32:55
something it wasn't a smart it's just a smile out of oh this like a funny moment that's all that is no no that's what
00:33:01
Andreas is doing that's not what Carlos is doing what does he do Carlos is doing yeah get him oh right yeah that's what
00:33:07
you're doing well I saw the post after all this and I thought it was strange there wasn't a picture of you with Bobby
00:33:13
but I did see the bad friends Marquee but now I know that that was by your choice that you didn't want to be in the
00:33:20
post okay I'm sorry that's okay I also think oh God what that you're beautiful and if
00:33:26
you're looking for a woman that she should accept you and despite you like whether you want like
00:33:32
an airbrush Photoshop version of yourself online okay you deserve someone
00:33:38
I like what you're doing okay so I'm
00:33:44
gonna put the picture back up no you're not putting the picture back I think that's the answer that's not the answer that's the only way to mend this yeah to
00:33:50
make up for that you're no longer my Sidekicks you're an acquaintance right now all
00:33:56
right you watch it now let me say something hey it goes both ways both ways so I want to say that I'm
00:34:02
self-conscious about the way I look because I'm getting old right and these issues never come down came up when I
00:34:08
was in a relationship and now I think I'm going through a midlife crisis or whatever because I just all these new
00:34:13
feelings I was just pulling up your age to make sure that juicy knew I know see what he's doing
00:34:21
it's funny it's funny yeah that's it I know Carlos is on that last robot right
00:34:27
now I was it wasn't a trap I promise no but it was funny thank you what did I
00:34:32
send you guys what's something didn't I send you two things this week oh London gangsters oh okay this was
00:34:38
great listen to these two [ __ ] guys talk to each other man this is amazing all right
00:34:44
Max could probably make out what this is his parents are British and by the way his name's Bobby which I
00:34:51
loved but I thought of you the whole [ __ ] time thank you
00:34:56
are these friends or are they arguing they're two gangsters they're meeting like they're they're ex-criminals yeah
00:35:02
and now they're sharing their stories of crime together it's like a documentary piece yeah see if you can make out what
00:35:07
half of these guys are saying probably not let's see here we go I've taken an assistant Governor hostage in a maximum security
00:35:14
so everywhere I go I've got loads of prison offices right because they think I'm going to take another one what does that mean that means only only 10
00:35:21
officers in riot gear with a governor an Esso and a PO can open your door
00:35:28
and they make fun of us all the time they make fun of us all the time but those are like um their their version of hillbillies
00:35:36
right no these are criminals I know I'm just in terms of a language though no I would say this is this is uh this is
00:35:41
their version of like like hardcore New York gangsters
00:35:46
yeah but New York Jenkins are pretty clear that's my point okay or better we're
00:35:51
better than that okay and the guy on the left as you can see has been shot in the [ __ ] face which
00:35:58
one are you serious no which one is it
00:36:06
how do you know you said that they say that just look take a guess
00:36:12
take a guess the white guy show him again zoom in a little bit more
00:36:19
what do you think Bob okay next one
00:36:27
I don't know okay good call okay these guys are hardcore gangsters though this is Marvin Herbert and Bobby Cummins who
00:36:34
are like true gangsters like [ __ ] killed people and they talk about it on this documentary okay so um
00:36:41
let me just ask you something if you're a gangster which style would you be would you be left or right
00:36:46
I think by default I'd be on the left because that's the kind of clothing I like to wear I don't like suits you know that would be you and I but juicy would
00:36:53
be on the right for sure you're a shoot gangster we could never do this
00:36:58
what would you do if you went to [ __ ] prison I think you're wrong I think you're absolutely wrong you
00:37:04
could be I think in this you could be a gangster dude you and I grew up in like middle class
00:37:10
so we went to schools public schools you know at Country clothes tennis lessons
00:37:17
you like tennis lessons ice skating all that stuff right no yeah I had none of that I know can I just told me then like
00:37:23
yeah don't say me all right sorry sorry tennis class wrestling I did on the team yeah my parents got me a car at 16. you
00:37:31
know what I mean and uh we had a pool tennis court yeah I didn't have any of that I know I did and um and I grew up
00:37:37
and this is where I turned out like this but if I grew up in like you've said this before this no this is wrong it
00:37:44
doesn't matter who y'all who young if you grew up somewhere else in the street my dad you know you know what my dad was
00:37:50
my father was Iran my father no this is the truth you want
00:37:57
to see her truth my dad was um a professional boxer in Korea did you
00:38:03
know that his his record was oh and eight he never won anything [Laughter]
00:38:09
he really did I know I could tell never won anything right and he never went to school because during the Korean War he
00:38:15
was a gangster in the streets right and he led his own gang so my dad had like stab wounds on his
00:38:21
body all kinds of [ __ ] up [ __ ] that's why he was so violent because everybody [ __ ] him up yeah he was so small but
00:38:28
if you talk to like the guys that he grew up with and stuff they would always say no he was like he would jump on like
00:38:33
your back and start biting your neck and stuff but he would always lose it sounds like he would lose in the professional boxing arena yeah but in the streets he
00:38:40
did knives and [ __ ] but you told me he had he had stab wounds all over yeah and he lived through it my point is is that
00:38:46
my point is is that they used him like a knife block but he was practicing on
00:38:52
your dad but my dad was like a thief he was like a bad guy right what'd he steal he was well I know gum
00:39:01
I know you told me yeah [ __ ] block that guy up yeah he's still
00:39:08
like a bag of gum a bag of gum Korea is so [ __ ] weird
00:39:13
so he's still a bag of gum what's so funny a bag of gum yeah back there
00:39:18
during the Korean war that was like worth a lot they just put it in a bag that's like Korean diamonds there it is
00:39:24
so then uh and then he changed his ways you know what I mean and we came to America became a businessman my point
00:39:30
though is is he's a hard worker but if I grew up in the same environment like my brother and I we were Street kids yeah
00:39:36
who knows what would happen I could be in prison same with you look no oh yeah
00:39:41
dude your rage and your anger as it is now see that twitch those are right
00:39:46
switches man that's what I'm saying yeah I think I heard it yeah so what I'm saying is if you grew up in a [ __ ]
00:39:52
bad environment right you would be in a different place right now my dad was in prison which is the reason I'm not in
00:39:58
prison I know but that's in your blood do your prison blood dude my dad going
00:40:05
to prison was the reason I didn't want to go to prison I I know I understand that but you had your
00:40:15
to have guidance from I know but all I but yeah but I'm saying and if you
00:40:20
didn't have them and you and your dad went to prison you were in the streets you would end up just like him Maybe
00:40:26
that that's that maybe yeah maybe so basically if I didn't have my my mom and
00:40:31
my stepdad yeah we were blessed because we had guidance in a weird way I had AAA early on in my life like I would go to a
00:40:37
meetings and at these old a guys tell me like how to live life and the rules and
00:40:43
all that stuff you know what are the rules which is to live in the moment you know what I mean and do you think you live in the moment I do do you live in
00:40:49
the moment juice I tried to I think I do yeah you know no
00:40:55
will you live in the past wait let me take that again can we go back yeah do you live in the moment juicy yeah
00:41:00
[Laughter] you don't I don't yeah you do I don't
00:41:05
you live in the future I live in this in your mind I mean I think I no I I have a tough time living
00:41:12
in the moment I'm admit I'm not good at it I'm not good at it but I try to practice it I I don't I'm being honest I
00:41:19
wish I was better at enjoying the thing while it's happening it's kind of double-edged though because I feel like
00:41:24
I'm so in the moment that sometimes I forget about like other things but what else what else would you need to know
00:41:30
like I don't stay in touch with people as well because I'm not I'm just like where I'm at I'm like right now I'm here
00:41:35
let me tell you something I can tell you something I had this discussion with someone a couple days ago
00:41:41
as you get older in general it's so much harder to stay in touch with people it
00:41:46
just is a part of life you like you like lose you kind of just lose touch because
00:41:52
other everyone's got their own thing going on yeah so it's only going to continue that way I don't think it's you
00:41:58
I think it's time yeah it's unfortunately like that but it stinks it's so hated because you just lose to
00:42:04
touch you know that old saying I was gonna text somebody that we know in this room all that you you we three know it
00:42:10
was their birthday and I opened up my phone and I saw it was their birthday on my calendar and I
00:42:16
looked at our text message last time I texted the person was that on their birthday so you could do it
00:42:23
and they didn't respond uh when I had said happy birthday well that's because they probably get a thousand of them no
00:42:29
this person wouldn't oh I see and because of that I just
00:42:35
deleted it wow really well because you got angry about
00:42:41
it no I didn't want to feel that feeling again right of like seeing another year so I didn't text Tabby birthday and I
00:42:47
deleted that original text as if to say and that's the end of that damn you just
00:42:53
Why didn't delete them from my phone I just I thought well deleted them from your life yeah kinda
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00:44:48
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00:45:47
a friend of mine told me he got a role and they asked him at a bakery
00:45:53
a French roll yeah an onion roll and they asked him to do it in a different
00:45:59
accent and then he did in the accent and then I guess they then then they were like just do the your regular accent and
00:46:06
he was like huh did I do it bad I'm like no they probably just thought
00:46:11
we can't have him doing an accent of another person because we would have to cast the other person and we'd get they'd get [ __ ] for because I think
00:46:17
these days people are getting [ __ ] for being like why would you just cast that kind of person yeah it's [ __ ] up that's a weird
00:46:23
that's a weird time because it's acting yeah it's acting you're faking it that's that's it's like you're you have to act
00:46:29
it's like it's active it's like what are you only allowed to play Korean guys can you play Chinese no like when I when can
00:46:35
you play Chinese I can do it for me you're hired wow and the Oscar goes too
00:46:45
right because they're protesting right now because of covert right who what yeah Chinese are protesting against
00:46:51
whatever Z Apple employees in China Apple employees are protons
00:46:57
they're protesting they started it what do you mean I don't have enough coveted restrictions and apples there's still
00:47:03
like a lot of covert restrictions there show the video there's a video of robots going through a town in China spraying
00:47:09
stuff into the air have you seen this I like it no drone do drone spring disinfectant yeah
00:47:16
there's a [ __ ] video of these drones in the air spraying disinfectant or
00:47:21
something for covid there right there look
00:47:31
those are drones in China spraying [ __ ] for covet protection
00:47:36
wow you tell me this ain't the greatest country in the world dude how creepy that's [ __ ] creepy as
00:47:44
[ __ ] yeah what's in that covered vaccine what if we find out it's just MSG
00:47:51
what about those little robots in L.A what are they they're delivering no one
00:47:56
ever told me about it so I'm driving on the road and I see it for the first time almost crashed my car that's so funny that you're like no one ever told me
00:48:01
like we needed to come to you Boston Dynamics calls Bobby well just call me and go we have those I see them all over
00:48:08
the place what's in it they're Amazon delivery they do like pizza that's Pizza
00:48:13
they're all for pizza so they deliver Amazon packaging they
00:48:19
deliver all sorts of [ __ ] and how do you know what what happens does it knock on the door or if people pop poops and look
00:48:24
at that guys he got fat cells all right so he on his phone he goes it's here he goes
00:48:29
downstairs it opens up with the code yeah and it literally goes it speaks the language to you yeah no
00:48:37
yeah I've learned some of it yo give me some that means uh thank you Chinese well
00:48:43
what do you think what do you think oh yeah that's right uh oh by the way some of them have covet in them like it's random it's kind of like uh yeah you
00:48:50
know like this guy like he just got covered for sure yeah yeah that means thank you and then uh is uh
00:48:59
look at that fat ass sometimes they're rude sometimes they'll see women how they do they'll say disgusting things to women well they're made after our image
00:49:06
that's exactly right yeah you're gonna get something can you stick your penis in one of those holes that's that's originally that what the top thing was
00:49:12
for oh is that yeah those two circles those two circles yeah me and you could do it together in a year from now you're
00:49:17
in court and that thing's like you know man yeah this thing gets unaccused
00:49:28
[Laughter]
00:49:34
oh my God that's amazing they're so [ __ ] stupid those cities have is it only in La New York or is it take a
00:49:39
guess it's all the annoying cities La New York Chicago yeah it's all like the [ __ ] pretentious right this wouldn't
00:49:47
last a [ __ ] hour in like Boise Idaho and [ __ ] no yeah yeah no push it over
00:49:53
they shoot at it for sure they'd shoot a gun at it did you see a little robot this morning
00:50:00
[ __ ] kill that thing they wouldn't let it go right post mate yeah it does it does all sorts of [ __ ] they're
00:50:06
all over the place now though I've seen a ton of them I see them too I'll tell you what trips me out though is they're
00:50:12
gonna start trying to do Amazon is pushing to do fully uh electric truck
00:50:18
deliver automated trucks oh they would love that so no [ __ ] so they want to
00:50:24
pay anybody no human no human that's gonna be a nightmare I don't know how they're gonna [ __ ] do that how is it
00:50:30
gonna get from the truck to your door did they have one of those things come out yeah what comes out of the truck wow
00:50:37
the job sucks though I have some friends I have a friend who has been driving with them for years and they like don't
00:50:44
get bathroom breaks a lot of the dudes will just go pee in the truck like wait
00:50:49
seriously yeah oh yeah because like where do you park that thing and they they record like all of your route so
00:50:56
they're like they've got like air tags all over you there's cameras in the car like you you can't just like stop at a
00:51:01
Circle K what do you mean you can't piss but if I want to go to Taco Bell I can't go to Taco Bell they would probably
00:51:07
write you up because you gotta go to UPS buddy you have a specific route and you have to get your deliveries done by a
00:51:13
certain time and if you look at your phone they're like dang it is it pay good I think it's I think the pay is pretty
00:51:20
good okay I mean I don't know what that means but I think the pay is good to say is one of my six roommates so I don't
00:51:27
think it's that good oh really oh wow go back to that thing that you just saw 20
00:51:32
bucks an hour is what they're getting that's not bad it's 11 better than the national average Amazon says it has over a thousand rivian electric vans making
00:51:38
deliveries in the United States right now wow wow I think some jobs should be replaced by robots well like what that
00:51:44
one like but and in return like there should be more better jobs created for
00:51:49
humans yeah right well that's that's the argument right that is like as long as you were supplemented with another job
00:51:54
humans have to fix the robots right yeah I mean more Fix-It jobs what else should be replaced I think podcasts no
00:52:04
welcome to the bad Friends Podcast today we'll be talking about diarrhea
00:52:14
had diarrhea before I'm trying to think of what we should be
00:52:20
replaced it's very difficult oh fast food fast food workers are treated like [ __ ]
00:52:26
they don't deserve to be treated but where would they go what do you mean the fast food workers where are they going to work oh I know that I haven't thought
00:52:33
that I mean it's just like you know they could start a podcast but fast food should literally be it it should
00:52:38
literally be a big [ __ ] machine that has all the ingredients and then no no like a vending machine they could
00:52:44
do that yeah what the [ __ ] yeah yeah you don't need to be mean to someone for 14 hours
00:52:49
I do think there should be some humans if there's food involved no less less
00:52:54
humans of food involved in my opinion well they should have like humans are [ __ ] if it's fast food yeah but I'm
00:53:00
not talking about [ __ ] a steak dinner what if it accidentally grabs like a bottle of poison instead of ketchup Why
00:53:06
is it inside the [ __ ] machine yeah you get one person as the um person that
00:53:11
like inserts the food like he's a maintenance guy yeah the human jobs are you have to uh load the machines food
00:53:18
loader fix them when they break yeah so there's one guy that works there but you can eliminate so many
00:53:24
so for that how about then what about fine dining no no no you gotta have because because that's about customer
00:53:29
service uh because getting a nice server that knows the menu that can wind pair well with a sommelier at high-end
00:53:36
restaurants all that is a part of the experience of the meal right although I sometimes like talk like I'm doing a
00:53:42
show at night and then I spend the whole day alone and I'm like I have to get out of the house to just talk to people before I go on stage in front of a
00:53:48
hundred or more people right so if I go into like uh Taco Bell and I can't talk to anybody and I just touch a screen and
00:53:55
then the food comes out and then I eat alone and then like you know what I mean that's loan Utopia
00:54:01
you what and then
00:54:08
your car back to yeah that sounds like that's gross that sounds like Japan they
00:54:13
do all that kind of [ __ ] they have Japan is like fully automated the whole [ __ ] country is automated sprinkles right they do cupcakes yeah
00:54:19
but they gotta load that with customers the loader huh yeah they just have a loader guy yeah but also sprinkles right
00:54:26
that's a [ __ ] business anyway [ __ ] cupcakes who needs that much you know how many times I eat cupcakes once
00:54:31
a [ __ ] year why do I need a vending machine filled with cupcakes how many times you eat [ __ ] cupcakes
00:54:36
all right I'll get it every other day maybe you eat a cupcake every day every other day where do you get a cupcake from I get at sprinkles and they also
00:54:43
get like every day every other day I'm being real [ __ ] you I do look at my [ __ ] Postmates I get I get crispy
00:54:49
creams every other day and also um so don't tell me to take down a picture on Instagram because you look fat [Laughter]
00:54:57
it's true okay okay I mean you're saying that like you don't
00:55:03
people don't eat it every day I don't you might be the only one I know these cupcakes that frequently like what do
00:55:08
you mean fans comment below how often you eat a [ __ ] cupcake I bet you it's once in a while I don't eat icing
00:55:15
that's my that's my [ __ ] uh let me just go bake a cake it's the perfect it's the perfect amount of [ __ ]
00:55:22
delicious [ __ ] bun bun I love it dude all right is that that's the treat you eat the most of you yeah I wouldn't eat
00:55:28
sushi out of a machine that's [ __ ] crazy I would how depends on where I am
00:55:34
the father in Japan Japan I would do it that's where all the [ __ ] Sushi goes all right all right
00:55:40
a [ __ ] a sushi from a machine there is just like a bag of chips here
00:55:46
same thing yeah what else should be automated they have these These are women's underwear too you can get Japan
00:55:52
that I'm a big fan but they're worn some of them you can buy worn yeah that's I
00:55:57
mean I I don't know if that's really true though so I've gotten it and I was like this doesn't seem worn
00:56:03
back it the [ __ ] up you've ordered some worn panties off the internet I got them in Tokyo and then what do you do what do
00:56:09
you why do you want a more you Huff them no it's they claim to be worn so I opened it immediately and was like I have to check this out and it was pretty
00:56:16
clean but did you smell them maybe
00:56:29
somehow that makes it better so wait a minute you got used panties from a vending machine in Japan you open up a
00:56:35
package yeah you know it's not used yeah I'm like based on uh just Instinct I
00:56:41
just tell me that you smelled them I I definitely smelled them and they didn't smell used they didn't smell like poopy
00:56:46
or anything like that do you like the smell of poopy no but that would have indicated that it was definitely you with a female underwear or men and
00:56:53
underwear question Bobby Lee that's a good question I didn't even think about that you don't smell men underwear even
00:57:00
if it says used well I don't think you can even get men's underwear it's more of like a female you can now bad Friends underwear
00:57:06
is going to now be available used Bobby and I's underwear let me ask you if that you smelled the
00:57:11
underwear of the female underwear and the that you smell [ __ ] juice is that the right vernacular please
00:57:17
don't use the word juice [ __ ] sauce
00:57:23
[Laughter] you know the sauce some sauce yeah yeah yeah and the salt I mean because
00:57:30
sometimes it's like when you smell the sauce right I'm being real it's like is
00:57:35
this like from Europe this is good [ __ ] good sauce baby what's up it's like Chick-fil-A
00:57:41
Special Sauce right all right and then it's like if I smelled underwear with that sauce I would have to find the
00:57:47
distributor of it right right so maybe that's a movie I imagine it's just right you're in a machine you use female
00:57:53
underwear yeah you smell the sauce is so good it's your destiny to find this woman I I believe I have a theory that the
00:58:00
sauce is so good right that no matter what the distributor looks like you'd be
00:58:06
in you'd be in wow this Christmas what about Santa Claus Mrs Claus
00:58:15
Mrs Claus has got some sauce for you the underwear is like this big yeah oh
00:58:22
I'm gonna let's order some used underwear for the show and see if it smells from Japan
00:58:28
but also Japanese people are very like clean and cleanly and it's just I feel
00:58:33
like they're dirty underwear wouldn't be as gross as are dirty yeah they're very clean we're fat and gross people
00:58:40
I still can't believe you eat a cupcake every [ __ ] other day why it's just not normal I I'll tell you what I eat
00:58:47
every other day cupcakes Krispy Kreme I also eat um I
00:58:52
don't know why but every other day Uncle Paulie's I did you see when I got I got sick I I
00:58:57
had to get Uncle Paulie's yeah it's my one of my favorites my favorite two yeah what is it it's a Subway it's a salad
00:59:02
it's a sandwich shop yeah so I get that delivered every other day but then I order five sandwiches I I store them in
00:59:08
my refrigerator too many sandwiches how many deliveries I don't eat them at all at one time what why don't you just order them when
00:59:14
you want them because at midnight they're not open you can have Uncle Paulie's at midnight
00:59:19
uh yeah do you understand but should you have a sandwich I don't know I don't know right but I do I get a sandwich no
00:59:26
I think they're adults before midnight because you shouldn't eat it after midnight vitamin D
00:59:32
um whole milk oh no I love it Bob I love it and then well you know what else can
00:59:37
I put the picture back up on my Instagram no no no yeah wait how much do I use how many
00:59:43
delivery food delivers on average do you go up per day at least two at least two oh okay two a
00:59:51
day yeah how about you maybe one a day yeah yeah what do you
00:59:57
get I get um sweet grains a lot um or I go to Body Energy Club I I'll
01:00:02
look at them for pickup oh I see Body Energy what do you get somebody is doing well have you been there no I have no
01:00:10
idea what that is it's really good they do acai bowls and smoothies oh I'll tell you what a buddy said to me by the way I
01:00:16
should show you something you want to talk let can we talk conspiracy for two seconds I love conspiracies
01:00:23
um what go back sit down for a second can you sit down and have that of course
01:00:28
you can dude if he wants to do you want to be on the show Max I don't mind do you have
01:00:34
arthritis or something the way you walk no he's walking my toes why because he wants to be bigger than you that's
01:00:40
incredible thank you why did you think that I was an Arsenal fan and why are you shocked by it it's because like I've I haven't met many like Arsenal fans so
01:00:47
that's the only reason you didn't base it upon my ethnicity my attitude this is called race baiting oh he wants you to
01:00:54
say something about him being Korean no I meant I met when I went to the wrestling game last year I met a few a few Asian people there oh get the [ __ ]
01:01:01
out of here no no time up stay there did they look like him
01:01:07
no what do they look like hmm go ahead and describe it well you
01:01:13
know why do they love a police officer I'm a pleasure right two words We're
01:01:19
Cops right all right and we're and the sketch guys there or whatever I'm the sketch guys this is uh Cliff Robin hey
01:01:25
I'm Cliff Rob I'm officer Robin I heard that uh something went down and you were the only one that saw it was a
01:01:32
couple of Asian guys yes it was a couple of Asian guys or it was a couple of Asian guys you know describe them to me
01:01:37
all right I need to be able to draw them Asian guy number one describe it normally uh like around like you know
01:01:42
five nine five eight are you sure was Asian or five nine pretty tall five six
01:01:48
maybe okay thank you five six you know you know but buzz cut
01:01:54
buzz cut what explain like just like shorter hair like a shorter hair color color
01:02:00
um sort of like tan maybe Filipino the skin it was like a Tanner the cup the color
01:02:06
of the hair first oh a black black and then this the this it was like a darker a darker skin
01:02:11
um if you were gonna um given us an example of what that skin looks like on something else like
01:02:18
um like that wood sort of I would like this wood skin wood skin they had wood
01:02:24
what's good black hair black hair wood skin um facial features this is number one
01:02:30
um they have like you know eyebrows
01:02:37
a delicate day one had a goatee or one had to go a full goatee did one of them
01:02:43
perhaps have a Fu Manchu was it a foot man too like they're doing the movie
01:02:49
interesting he doesn't know um what about their eyes the eyes color
01:02:54
the eyes what color it's okay to tell us that you couldn't
01:03:00
see the color of the eyes I couldn't really see their eye color Okay um do you think shape is important it is
01:03:07
important is it not I'm drawing yeah yeah the shape you know the typical no
01:03:13
the tip what does that mean
01:03:24
yeah yeah I gotta tell you this was okay
01:03:30
so because I spent the last week Sicky boy yeah I had to go to CVS
01:03:36
I'm not making this up this is what the shelves look like in the cold and flu section I know look at
01:03:41
me in the face yeah at every CVS and Rite Aid I went to to find some I had to
01:03:46
find two things they're all sold out everywhere of everywhere a pharmacist is on the [ __ ] phone
01:03:53
at the desk when I go to get a prescription and she goes to the other pharmacist somebody robbed Silver Lake
01:03:58
CVS and the guy goes what what are they like at gunpoint no he stole a bunch of
01:04:05
[ __ ] medicine wow I'm like and there's a piece of me that's laughing
01:04:10
everyone is sick more than it's ever been am I getting my conspiracy theory thing I am
01:04:16
something's going on oh look at it here we look at the
01:04:21
[ __ ] shelves Bobby this is not one of those seasonal everyone gets sick everyone I know everyone I know has just
01:04:27
got over being sick or is sick it's the last time I was like three months ago I called Juliana Rudy Jewels yeah go to
01:04:34
CVS get me these things they were there they weren't no way yeah did it look
01:04:40
like that it looked like that empty shelves they didn't have NyQuil couldn't find it they couldn't find uh Theraflu
01:04:47
something's going on yeah but you were sick on Friday is this Friday when you went this was
01:04:53
two nights ago so Cyber Monday or oh
01:04:59
yeah Cyber Monday that explains it Black Friday after Black Friday because you
01:05:05
know Black Friday for a cold and flu stuff goes out the shelves first what is that on sale though yeah well you can
01:05:10
see all those relationship it's all on sale oh it is on no that's why no that's just CBS
01:05:16
pricing that's just like uh you know is I don't know how Black Friday works is Black Friday everything is for sale no
01:05:23
here's the deal on Black Friday only black people can get the deal that's not true you said that last year and I
01:05:28
googled it I'm not so sure right I literally did Google that last
01:05:34
year and that's not true so what's so funny I just I can't believe you tried to trick me 22 years in a row I just
01:05:40
know that you did Google yeah yeah everyone is sick and and my buddy and I
01:05:46
were talking about on the phone you know what it is you know who's behind all this pesos
01:05:53
Campbell's soup Campbell Soup how often are they selling soup during the year
01:05:59
a couple cans here and there come November when everybody's sick yeah
01:06:04
[Laughter] everybody's eating soup Campbell's is behind this [ __ ] this is Campbell's
01:06:11
thinking chunky dude they want you to get soup oh you can't get any medicine you can't get cough syrup you can't get anything you need get a can of soup dude
01:06:18
literally soup is not something that I think about when I'm sorry get a can of soup I've never thought about soup you never have soup when you're sick I
01:06:23
haven't had soup in like six years but you have a [ __ ] cupcake every day
01:06:32
who eats soup when they're sick raise your hand it's the only time I eat [ __ ] soup I don't get Campbell's
01:06:38
though you know as the best chicken noodle soup Whole Foods dude you're [ __ ] getting fancy yeah yeah you're
01:06:44
getting it you know what happened she got a couple of bucks in her pocket and she is she's going to whatever that
01:06:50
energy next week is gonna be air wand yeah oh my gosh everyone I can't go there I used to go there I used to go
01:06:56
there for um crew when I worked on The Late Late Show and I would pick up the crew their lunches there and it's too
01:07:02
busy and too comfortable what's the Late Late Show Oh with James Corden yeah I used to PA on that wait did we talk about that
01:07:08
hmm no can I can I say a reporter called me the other day wait what it was nothing crazy they were
01:07:15
just there doing some story and I haven't worked there in over a year and somehow they knew I worked there as a
01:07:21
production assistant and asked about my experience with James Corden well that's because they got him in Balthazar
01:07:27
throwing you know this whole thing yeah more or less they tried to make it out to me that he was
01:07:32
like a [ __ ] Tyrant but you know Hollywood has way worse you told me to go there we're right there at Balthazar
01:07:37
yeah of course I know that was Uptown I couldn't meet let me tell you about James Corden right go ahead do you like
01:07:43
him I don't [ __ ] know him I work for him you did yeah would you work for him I did a show called Game on oh yeah that
01:07:50
was their production it was Ben show yeah Ben show but he was also the producer I understand I understand I've
01:07:56
driven him before Ben yeah he's a good he's a good dude he's just a nice guy yeah I don't know what the thing is is
01:08:02
he an [ __ ] who James yeah no dude they said he was at about to start a restaurant New York and he treated the server like [ __ ] that's that's kind of
01:08:09
what this I guess that's the summation of it right am I missing something no that's it so they wanted to dig him in
01:08:15
this [ __ ] you know bad Europe Hollywood elitist [ __ ] thing which I don't know but a restaurant interaction
01:08:24
I I you know what dude do you ever have this thing where somebody says hi to you and like a girl a girl was hiking and I
01:08:31
passed her then she turned around and went back up the hill with her friend and as they were halfway away from me
01:08:37
she was like you're so funny and I didn't turn around but I go thank you and then she goes I'm a really big fan
01:08:43
and I go thank you and I just kept going down the hill and I thought that's fine but then there's
01:08:48
always a piece in me that goes that's not fine is she gonna go [ __ ] him he'd even [ __ ] XYZ you gotta turn
01:08:56
around no I'm I'm like I'm going down you gotta turn around I'm jogging down the hill trying to stop my job back up
01:09:02
yeah write it down it's a lot of pressure I was starting to get a small taste of this yeah when I get ready when
01:09:09
I work at The Comedy Store and I'm checking people in my last name I can't get there's always at least one person but it's it's growing in numbers like
01:09:16
last night I worked and I probably six to ten people in the line stopped to say
01:09:21
oh I've watched bad friends and two of them took pictures with me see and I'm like checking them in so I have to keep the line moving and my co-workers are
01:09:28
like speed it up but I'm trying to give them tough it's cool I'm saying
01:09:34
it's Fame [ __ ] grow up I'm asking you how do
01:09:41
you make a moment out of it I talk well what I'm saying is I always say thank you or whatever but there are moments
01:09:47
during the day when what I'm saying about the James Corden thing is I don't [ __ ] know about him in this server but in general
01:09:54
people forget that you're also doing your life thing so sometimes you're not
01:09:59
being as conscious of their them as you are doing whatever the [ __ ] it is you're
01:10:05
doing yeah you know like I think that's a forgotten thing where people are like hey like we were walking the USC USC
01:10:12
UCLA game and some drunk [ __ ] dude I mean it's a ton of people everyone's
01:10:17
trying to Mill into this some guy though and I go hey man like [ __ ] please
01:10:24
don't yell like that there's so many people around and it's like we're just trying then he goes [ __ ] what up dude
01:10:30
and I was like hey man okay and then he goes you're the [ __ ] dude and I
01:10:35
instinctively yelled I go thank you this could be like right [ __ ] off a little bit Yeah Yeah and people were
01:10:42
laughing and he was too but it's like don't you also know that that's not how
01:10:48
to do this in front of humans other people are there yeah they some dad some
01:10:53
old dad was like what the [ __ ] who are you I was like nobody I mean I liked it when they did it to Ted Cruz at the
01:10:59
Yankee game it was at the Yankee game or whatever [ __ ] you you know what I mean that's funny yeah Donald Trump called
01:11:04
your wife ugly and you ate it you know what I mean you [ __ ] coward you know I mean I like what would you have done
01:11:10
if Trump said you're if you were still with Kyle and he said Khalil is a pig a big fat jungle [ __ ] I've never heard
01:11:16
him in the first place no but I mean if he was at your fit in your face what would you do I go [ __ ] you dude and you
01:11:21
go [ __ ] you you little dumpling now what now what are you doing to Trump and then I go
01:11:27
can you sign this headshot I mean it's a big deal it is a big deal
01:11:32
I think getting a selfie all right let's let's tell the truth let's tell a real truth okay okay Trump is in La he is
01:11:38
right now and we hear that he's a huge bad friends fan yeah huge and like huge
01:11:44
bad friends fan yeah and he wants to come say hi to us you don't have to put me on the show but I want to say I'd say
01:11:49
the studio do you let him do it 100 do you take a photo with him
01:11:55
do you take a photo with him no you say no no you liter wouldn't do you not want to make if you walked in you you
01:12:00
wouldn't shake his hand I would shake his hand I'm like but you but if he said he would say can we get a picture of the
01:12:06
crew would you get in uh maybe I would but I would do something funny yeah we'd
01:12:11
all have to do like no smiling but can I tell you something like bummed out would you guys what would you do I'll try to
01:12:17
put him in the show oh yeah good producer good producer good producer yeah yeah you try to would you get a photo with him if he was like I want a
01:12:23
photo with fancy B definitely yeah what about Putin
01:12:30
nice to meet you I'd go juicy your day is done and then I'd have Putin but what if you had like Ukrainian blood on his
01:12:37
hands foreign
01:12:44
[Laughter]
01:12:52
but it's like I would take a photo if I saw him dude so would every [ __ ] I know I know that's a thing there's a few
01:12:59
people at Cruise that's a photo for sure that's funny yeah that's a funny any of those Lindsey
01:13:04
Graham any of those O.J Simpson I wouldn't even think so we get the real
01:13:10
juice what if Bill Cosby Bill Cosby is a big fan of the show wants a photo you get a
01:13:17
photo bill he would sit there you know what but you know what I would do in the photo what right and when is it one two
01:13:22
three and I'd go I would absolutely take a photo
01:13:31
say I [ __ ] up gonna just say I want to share this with you guys so um
01:13:36
I was listening to the moth oh yeah you know what it is yeah yeah right and
01:13:41
there was a story where this lady you know it's more you know what the mouth is uh remind me I forget every city you
01:13:48
know I mean over the last 20 years they've they've did these they do the storytelling competitions and stuff and
01:13:55
they record them they're great stories sometimes you get prize money but now it's a podcast and they collect all
01:14:00
these stories they've archived and they're very fanatic so once courage you'll take one from 12 years ago
01:14:06
another one from London that happened a month ago and then you know they're somatic sometimes yeah so there's this
01:14:12
one where and I there's this one where um there was a woman and she is 81.
01:14:18
it's just telling a story I don't know if I do it it's pretty long [ __ ] it we're going along we can cut it
01:14:24
out um in the 50s she was saying that I got a job at some science lab I was the only
01:14:29
woman there right and all these guys were bullying me they're bringing pranks on me every day I hated the job right
01:14:35
then this other guy started working there and he started protecting me he stood up to the bullies and stuff and we
01:14:41
became friends and we would write these letters to each other this is in the 1950s and we had this coded uh language
01:14:48
that we would um give notes back and forth that only we could understand right which is nice yeah four months
01:14:55
later she leaves the job never sees them again it is in the 50s she's 81 now right and
01:15:01
she's like I wonder what happened to that guy that I worked with in the 50s and she Googles them can't find him at
01:15:07
all but then a week later he finds her and he gets her address
01:15:14
and she said he sends her something in the mail it's all those notes he saved no since
01:15:20
the 50s right and he goes you know I've been thinking about you for all these
01:15:26
years he's 91. oh holy [ __ ] 81.91 yeah 81.91 perfect time right
01:15:33
he lives in San Diego he makes his oldest son drive him to um New Hampshire and I said I guess
01:15:38
where she lives so [ __ ] far there's a pretty let's get a plane but he draw that's all that's like five days I know
01:15:45
but one you know man his heart can implode he could have died on the drive that's true anyway that's what happened it took
01:15:51
like a month that's what happened okay I get it okay yeah yeah I'm not I'm not part of that family so long
01:15:57
so anyway he drives there and they get married
01:16:03
what no yeah they get married and he kisses her in every
01:16:10
spot around town everywhere they go like at the post office at a restaurant in a park because
01:16:16
he wants a memory of a kiss at every place in this town with us wow right
01:16:21
he's 91. he's 91. I think it's that he just keeps forgetting
01:16:28
laughs right have I kissed you here
01:16:33
yes six minutes ago here right and have I kissed you here
01:16:47
it's really funny okay and so for five years she has the best just the best
01:16:53
five years of her own whole entire life and she and she dies he he dies yeah I was gonna say 95 or 96 whatever right
01:17:00
wow she's still alive so she's looking for love no no my point
01:17:05
is so it's a romantic story right that's five years it is but I told kalilah to
01:17:11
hear it so I'm sitting at the kitchen table like four days ago I go listen to this mob and as soon as that note thing
01:17:18
happens right because she tells her right she just bursts into tears and like I can't find love it was like
01:17:24
terrible oh that was bad yeah it was bad my part give it to your ex yeah yeah so when your guys
01:17:30
because it's [ __ ] devastating right I can't find love
01:17:36
that's a bad yeah it was [ __ ] terrible to her yeah I gotta tell you
01:17:41
I gotta tell you what I'm putting back up the photo on my Instagram no you're not thank you for
01:17:47
being a bad friend [Music]
