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hello hello there mate mate I'm B on toi we're coming to London England mate and then Dublin Ireland right after I'm Tom
00:00:06
Harley he's Tom Hardy and I'm Andrew Santino and we're going to London England July 18th and then July 19th
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we'll be in Dublin Ireland tickets are available right we never go to these places never go to these places once the
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show's done you we know come back we know come back yeah yeah so you got to go you got to go so go to badp pod.com
00:00:26
for those tickets badri pod.com hey everyone from Texas Houston
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specifically I need you to buy tickets for my show on what it March 28th and
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29th of this year go to Houston
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improv.com buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt myself I'm going to hurt myself I might
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die [Music] you two are bad friends who are these
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two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are
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disgusting you two are something we're bad friends what happened to Jean
00:01:14
Hackman what happened to Jean what happened to him what happened to Jean
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his wife died too what happened to Jean and one dog yeah yeah let me say something the
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dog was in the kennel which I think is a little strange don't you let your dog free roam I free roam my dog I free roam
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dog but um i' be free roaming my question is how old was he by the way
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95 time to go I know you did your time but his asian wife
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65 right and dog died and two dogs
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survived who are the survivors let me see the Survivor dogs yeah Survivor dogs
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man yeah yeah that there they are there's some of the dogs those are German Shepherds German Shepherds they
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can live through anything they live through the Holocaust they were very good in the Holocaust they were good dude and their work is not
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credited right right with it was not credited not enough yeah yeah honestly
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though yeah yeah the other one that was bad was Michelle tractenberg died the same day right in New York oh that's not
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here yeah it was in New York same day because Jean had been dead a day when they found him they found him a day
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later oh yeah it's a Hollywood tribal okay we've talked about it on the show
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people die in threes who's next who's the third let's get I'm going throw it hold on on the count of three yeah hold
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on let me think of the name hold on this F I was say on the count of three we have to think of a name together okay I I think this we shouldn't predict okay
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you I mean no because you know what happens on the show when we predict yeah it doesn't it happens but so here's the thing they say it's not carbon monoxide
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poisoning got to be they say it's not otherwise it's and they said it's not follow play so I have a prediction fair
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play so maybe someone deserved to it was fair play and I I think think this okay one of the
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dogs was scared of the asian wife oh at some point she's like he's think he's
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thinking it's me I'm going to go soon I'm next it's me or her no he's German they're German Shepherds I don't I don't
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know she's looking at me one day she's going to eat me and by the way Jean's getting so old
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he couldn't control her from doing that right so one day the dog I can't do an
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German accent yeah I will do it for you yeah do it for me saw a gigantic chocolate bar exposed oh I love
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chocolate I know but you know what it does to you what does it do to me it kills you so you he saw the chocolate
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bar right this is my th and his other what does his other two dogs
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say Well they're running they ran away they got away they were in the house well who where uh look up the movie
00:03:49
Crimson Tide here's my con love this movie you think Denzel did it that was my other Theory I was
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honestly not going to say Denzel zoom in I was going to say uh George zunga that guy right there fourth
00:04:02
right before vgo no wait a minute yeah vgo makes the most sense vgo mortson is
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German oh my God those were his dog Aragorn did it Aragorn did it those are
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my dogs I sent to that's a long Play It's a Long play I don't know if he would go to all the way to New Mexico
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yes he would he loves New Mexico I love how do you know the vgo Morrison likes New Mexico we vacations there okay you
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know what and rest rest in peace one of the greatest actors of all time Gina Hackman bless do you realize in so many
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piey they made so many good movies it French Connection yeah well I told you Crimson TI is one of my favorite movies
00:04:37
here's another one that you forgot so good Young Frankenstein oh my God he plays the blind guy that's right so
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funny wow dude he he did everything oh actually you know what look at all the movies we've done I it's insane here's
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my favorite voice he ever did though yeah ants so good an ants do it now he
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was the General do it now we must fight to survive we must fight to survive you
00:05:00
know that speech he does it's so is that him yeah okay he was so good in ants dude okay king ant he was probably made
00:05:08
a Millions I don't know about that does did animation pay that well back then I don't think so you're right yeah now
00:05:13
that they got like superhero they get points though I think right well I mean
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yeah I guess I got a residual check the other day uh for
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uh for the sale of Ricky steni to DVD what was it ch- Ching big time dude CH
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Ching $4 42.362667
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I'd have to look up people think that when you do these things residuals they're like it must be raining down I I
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did movies for virtually free you lost money on something Mone L money it's not a lucrative thing unless you're Ryan
00:05:52
Reynolds and and be careful Ryan Reynolds why they're coming for him the
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business is all like mad at him and his wife mhm I didn't get involved in this [ __ ] on the internet cuz I didn't care to like research but it's funny how many
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stories are being told about these guys there's another story that I just saw on Tik Tok it's the the movie that he did
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that sci-fi movie with Jake Gyllenhaal what was that movie called why can't I see it in my mind horizon or is it
00:06:17
collateral hor Horizon life we were right there we were right there I would have got live so that see the girl
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that's go back Rebecca Ferguson Rebecca Ferguson oh yeah said something crazy about him I don't know if it's true I
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wasn't there it looks true but he was really mean to her like a bully on set
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yeah yeah really and then one day she came on what this F [ __ ] is so insecure that he's just yelling at me
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all the time yeah and so one day she came comes on set and she goes I'm not doing things with you anymore I'm going to do it with the tennis ball no with
00:06:48
the she stand with the tennis ball yeah and then the producer went up to her and she goes he's number one on the chicall seat he has to be there I don't know why
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he probably doesn't want to be there yeah but again we don't know if it's true but it's enlightening well it's a
00:07:00
bummer because then all those stories that TJ Miller told about working with him on Deadpool seem to be much more valid like people people people did not
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believe him but they were like well you never know their relationship could have been toxic but it seems
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like how hard is it to be nice here's the deal I don't know the deal tell me the deal zel Washington
00:07:19
said about him who who Denzel said about Ryan Reynolds yeah they were in a movie together safe house oh yeah and in an
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interview they asked Danel they say basically well when Ryan rolds was there he was just observing you and he forgot
00:07:33
to act because he admired you so much and then s said like oh is that what it was I thought he was just terrible
00:07:39
that's what Denzel said yeah W everybody on the show like wow that's amazing when
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Denzel's the a truth teller he really is he really when he says like quot I don't know if it's AI but with his voice well
00:07:52
it could be he can say anything and it'll be like a spiritual zoom into that photo you just look at that that's that's two lover boys look at that zoom
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into that photo Denzel doesn't look stoked there he doesn't yeah does not look he does look stoked yeah that is
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kind of crazy to think about well here's the deal here I'll answer your question yeah how is it hard to be nice on set
00:08:11
here yes no no no here's why though he's hot he's been hot his whole life you and
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me Ugo rugos you know knock knock knock here we go knock knock knock Bobby
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Andrew you guys ready are you guys out of your bucket of slime you want to come shoot the scene they do they do they treat the the
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couple last movies I was in one of those quarter like a [ __ ] talk quarter 10%
00:08:38
trailer it was like barely a human being could go in there it's a bathroom literally the toilet and that's it
00:08:45
you're sitting on the toilet to watch like you know I mean YouTube videos you know what I mean and then you have to wait there for so long all day all day
00:08:52
and then you when then you're like hey can lunch can I leave no and they go no
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absolutely no we need you what if we need you so then lunch happens 4 hours later they don't need you they don't
00:09:04
need you it's [ __ ] yeah they this is this is what happens when you're regular and Ugo if you're us who are regularl
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looking guys but anyway you're right so um I think if if you're an Ugo like us you're going to not get treated the way
00:09:16
that Ryan reyolds is so hot I know but can I say something for a redhead and I get a lot one time I was at you one of
00:09:22
your shows what do you mean at my we're at our show that we do together no we weren't doing it together it was a show that I was supporting you yeah and a
00:09:30
lady in the audience I was sitting kind of in the side and she turns to me and goes you're you're you're boy is
00:09:38
handsome only because I've heard no I've heard a lot of that on the internet I've
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heard a lot about my direct messages and I just want you to own up to your handsomeness no no no first all because
00:09:49
you're you have a mutant color of the hair yeah because I'm a mutant I'm a freak but the face
00:09:55
is Andrew Santino is so hot what the [ __ ] yeah but that's guy these are all guys they're not guys dude trust me look
00:10:02
at 2020 2022 Steve there's a Bobby Lee one can I tell you the amount of times
00:10:07
that I've gotten dickpic sent to my DM from guy it's unreal I get dick pics all day didn't you live in so when they you
00:10:14
did when you what Bobby Lee wait what is that read yeah when you type in Bobby
00:10:19
Lee hot it's about spicy wings spicy wings right that I ate hot stuff but you
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do no I know I have but that's [ __ ] wait scroll down a littleit that's so
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funny go keep going keep going keep going let's see Bobby Lee hot eating spicy wings it's where I had
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diarrhea when I was on hot wings but you did hot ones I've never done that they've never asked they don't want me over there look at that oh my anyway get
00:10:44
out of that so you don't I don't have a Reddit flat Bobby Lee's the only person to [ __ ] himself on hot okay okay that's
00:10:51
an award in of itself I know but that's still humili name someone else that's done that I don't know by the way New York Magazine Bobby Lee foots one of
00:10:59
most outrageous and outrageously funny hot On's performances to date bam you go there you go I do it for comedy you
00:11:04
always do it for comedy yeah anyway let's get out of that but um you're hot let's move on no no way you can't say
00:11:10
you're an ugly one but you know I don't I wonder what it is with like that generation of like they were hot their
00:11:15
whole life they got treated hot their whole life some guys did Brad Pit every is like the coolest [ __ ] dude and
00:11:21
everyone says they work with him he's like the most rad dude on Earth and he's been hot his whole [ __ ] life okay
00:11:28
he's never not been he's hotter now than he was 20 years ago but who's the hottest young actor now man Timothy
00:11:34
Shaman exactly and from what I've talked to Theo about Theo had him on oh yeah
00:11:40
he's the nicest guy he seems like a good kid you I mean and he's unaffected and he why can't you just be that you know
00:11:48
you're on the top of the world you know how much money you're making yeah and why can't you just accept that and go
00:11:53
you know me I'm grateful for everything that I something's going on inside color coordinated what's up my
00:12:00
boy are you guys already recording yeah always oh I didn't know that how are you what's going on man ladies and gentlemen
00:12:06
Andrew Schultz Andrew Schultz what's up Captain what's up dog what do you want
00:12:12
me doing right there chair the blue chair damn look at these pants you got that's how much money he's making those
00:12:18
pockets are waiting for all that money to go in look how deep those pockets are more money than me man this guy got Deep
00:12:23
Pockets I heard about all the movie money I heard about that Hulu deal I heard broke a record Yeah I broke I
00:12:30
broke two records that's what they said I heard they kicked you out your your golf club yeah they did they had said you got to go to belir now I had to dude
00:12:36
even your mustache is fancier I hate it stop we're not going to do this yeah yeah yeah what you Lando carissan you
00:12:41
guys got the nicked deal who who who who pouches you're you're the mayor of cloud
00:12:48
city now you [ __ ] you got majority white people on the Pod so you know you making money wait a minute wait a minute
00:12:55
the flip out of here first of all someone who's always been nice on the set Korean Spanish me you got the whitest Hispanics
00:13:03
well you got to get the whitest ones yeah these are like real colonizer you know how they call us colonizers yeah
00:13:09
that one those were like the descendants of like Vasco de G the one on the I get it I get it you were chasing around the
00:13:16
Mel Gibson people inde did what what are they called with him with what's that Mel Gibson movie what's
00:13:22
that called the Aztec [ __ ] Apocalypto Apocalypto yeah you were chasing on the Apocalypto you're the reason they speak
00:13:29
Spanish yeah yeah you got real racism here man this is beautiful that's you
00:13:34
that's you right there yeah can we get a yeah yeah yeah yeah one yeah I want one well we can't well it's they're hard to
00:13:40
pin down they're busy working nine other jobs yeah who's this Harry [ __ ] he looks Spaniard who this guy right here yeah he
00:13:46
is kind of that's they maybe did Spain pressor those are the Moroccans bro that's why that's why the Spanish got
00:13:52
some color Bobby you've met him no less than 20 times I love him what's his Bobby's a real piece of [ __ ] in that
00:13:58
regard his name got that guy mango mango anyway good to see you mango
00:14:08
um don't get defensive dude oh is that
00:14:13
Korean that's great GOI GOI what does that mean bad friends bad friends bads
00:14:19
sick yeah yeah um you know I um I was talking to somebody about somebody went
00:14:24
to that Euro of sushi place in the they say it was the best sushi and then I told them I go Andrew Schultz didn't
00:14:31
like it and they couldn't no one can believe that you know what I mean nobody there even likes it yeah that makes
00:14:38
sense it's wait it's all for Netflix yeah that does make sense you know how you visit a play you know how it's like
00:14:44
what is it Paton Goos in uh oh in Philly Philly no one like no no Philly people don't like that they like ishka bibbles
00:14:49
right yeah ishka bibbles yeah that's right they don't like that this is Pat Goos of Japan that's that's Gino right
00:14:56
there yeah he's old bro old now did he come out and say hi to you no he was there and his son we got like the
00:15:03
real [ __ ] oh the real I bought a suit to go there cuz you have to like dress they say not to drink you have to like respect it and you went there and
00:15:09
there's a bunch of [ __ ] [ __ ] were you were there with your wife I was there with my wife what did she think of it it was so she doesn't like Wasabi and
00:15:16
it was so much Wasabi that like we couldn't even eat it wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute they don't want you to drink it's isn't it in a Subway
00:15:22
yeah it's in a sub I'm drinking it's the subway that's the logic but I had so much difference here's it like all right
00:15:28
you know how like Japanese people they only do something if it's perfect correct like they have so much shame
00:15:35
yeah you know unlike the Koreans you half ass [ __ ] but like the Japanese wait wait wait hold on couldn't even keep the
00:15:41
country as one you know exactly couldn't even keep one country there's no like North Japan it's one Japan Japan there
00:15:47
are Japanese people still fighting World atomic bombs on them who's we who's America who side are you on come on
00:15:54
Pearl Harbor was the right thing to do let me tell you something a sneak attack and you deserve it it was a sneak
00:16:01
attack but they were trying to land right let's just be honest yeah what just wanted to land the plane they want to land the plane they're just not the
00:16:08
best is a bad flying joke yeah I'm just saying they might not be the best yeah yeah they might they're good at flying
00:16:14
they're not good at driving let's just say that okay no but my point is is that they have to do everything the best because they feel so much shame true
00:16:20
okay right like but can I go go back to the movies though we make better movies than Koreans Koreans do make the best
00:16:26
film that I'm not going to lie Korea's been on a tear right now we're on ter TV shows movies we're on terror squid game
00:16:32
thing is incredible it's it's not just a thing it's a franchise I'm not in it number not I'm not the squid can I ask
00:16:38
you like a kind of can I ask you a racist question I'm going to be serious be serious and be racist I love it
00:16:44
that's who you are because that is okay okay are the numbers so we can tell I
00:16:50
don't even get what you're saying so funny like the the show they got numbers on them right they tell you who's left
00:16:57
have you watched the show do you know we're both seasons yeah both okay and they got numbers on all the people yes
00:17:02
but is it so that we can tell we can tell what well what who's 456 to 218
00:17:07
those there's no [ __ ] way we'd be able to tell the difference that's AI I thought that's the same guy I I know what you're saying stop
00:17:14
stop is it for Western audiences is it for Western audiences to be able to know
00:17:19
oh so you're saying if they don't have the numbers we're not going to be able to tell what Korean is what I don't know why you would jump to that [ __ ]
00:17:25
racist that's a little much that's not didn't explain to what you're saying maybe I was being RAC says but explain to me that was what I was saying that
00:17:31
that's 100% what I was saying there is a similarity no I can't I have Asian eyes
00:17:38
uhhuh and maybe it's like the movie They Live yes what's that what they live was a Rody Rody Piper movie oh nice and he
00:17:45
puts on glasses and he can see messages and signs and Aliens through the glasses
00:17:50
and that's what my little Asian eyes are yeah yeah they live it's a great movie it really is John Carpenter I think did
00:17:56
it yeah how much I do we need like I don't see more when I open mine thank you for saying that out loud just people
00:18:03
think I see what do you see letter box like do you see like I'm a Criterion Collection movie guy you know what I
00:18:09
mean we are IMAX and you're I'm trying to you're not IMAX dude you're not
00:18:16
iMac [ __ ] dude you don't see iMac that's good you could see if you're looking you could see the sky [ __ ] you I'm trying to
00:18:22
see if I actually see less like you I see just the same and when I go like this I don't see more
00:18:29
I see less you see less I see way less cuz you're doing a stop can you see further look at him I can see way
00:18:35
further oh so Asians can see further like a h yes got it well no no they they that's so they can see through you they
00:18:41
can see the real Soul within you they can see what's going on yeah we have that power you know what I mean go really concentrate and tell me what I
00:18:47
got inside go inside what inside like okay here we go whatever Andrew is saying well you're opening them I make
00:18:54
noises if I do it oh yeah you have to that's fine [Music]
00:19:00
H I feel like you're opening your eyes more I feel like you're seeing less deep in no you know that's trust the proc let me
00:19:07
tell you something guy what let me tell you something about right ethnicities right we're the same yeah and you the
00:19:13
type of person you are you make it different yeah I guess I see black a black heart you saw black heart in this
00:19:19
guy yeah and you have colon cancer oh my god dude I'm I had I [ __ ] a lot like I I wonder if that no that's a good thing
00:19:26
you're the third guy you're the third guy [ __ ] less is bad okay [ __ ] more is actually very good are you worried about that stuff as we get up
00:19:32
there a little bit as an old white yeah like it is something that we should consider prostate colon all that stuff
00:19:38
uh the only ones the only ones that I think you can snag for old white is
00:19:44
prostate and colon those are the two you have to be able to snag old white my dad just beat prostate
00:19:51
cancer Bobby's dad lived to be 104 didn't have any cancer yeah no AIDS I've never seen a Korean with AIDS isn't that
00:19:57
funny that they don't get it name me one Korean with AIDS can't do it you can't think of it can't do it um no wow I
00:20:04
can't ex that is true that is crazy it's crazy is it like not over there you even care about these like STDs and [ __ ]
00:20:10
anymore like you're a married guy it's like oh yeah he's on he's on the move are you I got bumps all over my penis do
00:20:17
you different Mounds different colors really yeah yeah it's a kaleidoscope wow
00:20:22
do you think about that do you I pee I pee green for some you know you know he's never been tested yes I
00:20:30
[ __ ] when when four months ago I got tested Dr you want to get tested what
00:20:37
what happened that made you want to get tested I just thought he goes you think we should get test I go I think we
00:20:43
should oh you'll speak back in well whenever an Asian does an accent I I'm respectful and I do the as can I ask you
00:20:50
a question I was watching a Larry David clip where you were on the show and you use the accent did did did he ask you
00:20:56
did he like come to you be can you okay so I'm going to tell you about Hollywood okay yeah so I got the role of like an a
00:21:02
merchant of weapons okay but he was in LA yeah so I just called the director FaceTime and I go since he's in La I
00:21:10
don't think he should needs he goes I want the accent he said it too yeah and I go yeah but you know I mean if it was
00:21:15
in Korea maybe I was talking to in English we I want the accent you telling me there's nobody in La that's Korean
00:21:22
that doesn't have an accent I know but what I'm saying is that why do I need one so you don't like doing it you you
00:21:27
find it's been I'll tell [ __ ] me up about it who John Cho oh wow the actor John Cho yeah yeah
00:21:33
so one day I asked number was he 365 okay he was 365 Ronnie Chang was
00:21:41
202 wait yeah John show is Hawaii 5 no
00:21:46
John Cho is we did herin Kumar together John can we look up John yeah yeah um he
00:21:52
was in the Star Trek movies at Sulu I got to be honest those Koreans are handsome some they no they got some good
00:21:58
look [ __ ] Asians over there but no I don't think you're ugly I don't think
00:22:04
[ __ ] you no I'm being honest I don't think you're as ugly as you think you are yeah Z when was the last time you
00:22:10
needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off like oh my God you know I mean I don't have time everything will be fine
00:22:17
or or my wifey this boil looks weird but I who cares who cares I've had boils before I've had boils before yeah Zach
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00:24:37
asked him I go we were on sets I forgot what it was and I go um you ever do accents he goes yeah I don't do them do
00:24:44
you get offered yeah I just don't do them I go why he goes I just don't think we need to it's just an intey he goes
00:24:52
I'm F that you do because you do a lot of broad comedies and I get it but I just don't want to do it and I it it made me feel Shame about it why because
00:25:01
every role I get is an Asian accent hello Mr Johnson okay the last
00:25:07
five things you've done didn't have an as Game of Thrones the random ASI wild walk wild Walker coming you I
00:25:16
mean and they're like yeah I mean you don't need an accent but I don't know why I have one right now you haven't done in the last couple of films you've
00:25:22
done you didn't do it you didn't do it look at that you didn't do it in uh the last thing you just did Theo's movie you don't have an accent I do a Southern
00:25:28
accent there that's even funnier yeah yeah hey man good drugstore June no accent sweet dreams no accent
00:25:35
Borderlands No accent oh I the throwback nothing drug store June nothing Magnum
00:25:40
PI nothing no Magnum PI yeah you're right you're too famous I think to do the Asian accent now yeah I feel like
00:25:46
you're too known outside of these projects what about reservation dogs can you go Zoom back here's what you were in reservation dogs yeah yeah oh I'm
00:25:53
thinking of Reservoir Dogs reservation Mr yellow and I love that
00:26:00
good joke that's so funny that's so funny well they should have had one yeah yeah Mr yellow many white guys what
00:26:06
about you you'll you I mean you're like a real thespian I always say this oh dude I wish I can't can't get any work
00:26:11
wait can you not I feel like you're working all the time somebody's working with Matt Damon on a promo yeah that was
00:26:17
a promo This Guy's in like real movies you were great in that I do want I do want to say this I saw that that was so
00:26:23
fun and I thought so fun thank you and then immediately wanted to text you and I didn't and go how did this come together I just asked him you were like
00:26:29
dude do this thing for me and he was like you fine he's just the nicest coolest guy I wish there was like a funny story around it but he's just the
00:26:35
nicest coolest guy in the world can I um say something a little derogatory toward you right now Andrew if may do you think
00:26:41
I'm Jewish everybody thinks I'm Jewish you seem it but anyway um what is it about me that you would think that I'm a
00:26:49
Jew it's this is the first time I've seen your ankles oh really yeah and you
00:26:55
don't watch my podcast it's always always ankles little thicker than I would wish I've
00:27:01
gained weight this say dad bud buddy you're still in great shape shut up that's so annoying so handsome and
00:27:06
talented you didn't gain any weight guys [ __ ] that's my bad you know who lost weight mango did he okay no he lost 15
00:27:12
did you really you think notice look that I do say anything earlier that was the first album I ever
00:27:17
bought really Guns and Roses what a masterpiece I thought unbelievable unbelievable what was the first album you ever bought um the velvet velvet
00:27:25
underground and Nico album really yeah at like 12 wow that was cool then cool
00:27:30
now what do you think mine was let me I know Wendy's Wendy's theme
00:27:35
song Hip Hop okay oh hiop yeah yeah I was going to go Beethoven for you what was your first album Beethoven oh
00:27:43
because of my age yeah because you're an old [ __ ] yeah and I said Wendy's you know mean soundt cuz you have red hair I get it yeah yeah no
00:27:49
hip-hop oh God I don't know now I can even give you the title track go bow
00:27:55
down what is it Westside Connection that's the thing I knew it was going to be something more obscure you're like a
00:28:00
real hip-hop wait a minute West connect that would that bow down before we come to your town that was like my do you ever hang out with him in
00:28:07
Social settings yeah yeah and he is he is hard he is the best social human
00:28:13
being I've ever seen nobody can shoooo like this guy it is the it is
00:28:19
remarkable the best at it it is remarkable I want to learn from him I and that's why he's always around the
00:28:25
high people oh I I know I know because we had a meeting at Sony today and he's best friends with everybody all the
00:28:31
famous people whenever I see him like on a golf course with somebody at first I would I would see it no no no he knows
00:28:36
Ito that's why you're bling this is actually I tell you this good compliment and I'm glad that you've seen as well
00:28:41
100% we went to dinner once first of all never go to dinner with him because to this is what dinner is before you even
00:28:48
sit down somebody goes s goes I'll be right back guys and then he just goes table by table by table like he's
00:28:55
[ __ ] Don Rickles just shaking hand exactly and then we're sitting there like [ __ ] are you
00:29:00
Sinatra Andrew Andrew can we order you something Andrew do you want some cocktail or something yeah yeah get me
00:29:06
whatever you guys get he gave me this he was yeah yeah get me whatever you guys get we were at a meeting with at Sony
00:29:11
Executives and he's telling the you know this happened he's telling the group where he met certain people this is the
00:29:18
first time I met any of these people he's like Bill Clinton in like in 2009 man remember you had that office over on this and this and this he's like yeah
00:29:24
man I've been [ __ ] with you for a while that's who you are okay how are so no no no I love the I've always no no no
00:29:32
no it's something than you Andre it's something I admire and I have a heart this is the thing I have a hard time
00:29:38
like if there's somebody that like I really like or admire it's very easy for me to talk to them but it almost becomes
00:29:43
like an interview I'm like really I'm like hey you're really good at this thing and I want to know all about it from everything you hang out with people
00:29:51
in a way where they're like they you you're acting like they find you cool
00:29:56
yeah like you know what I mean like they're kind of trying to win you over you got to sell them on that you're the one yeah Salon you're the one you're
00:30:03
you're meeting me I'm watching it yeah so what so give me the okay I'm glad that you've also known it praise the
00:30:09
Lord put one down so we're on the same team yeah please come on your heart goes out make your heart go out doesn't your heart go no did you get your Kanye shirt
00:30:16
do we get those Kanye shirts do they show up yet or no we ordered 100 of them all right okay hold on that's this is
00:30:22
how you like really ha dble double down he tells me I can't get into tell me what is it like when
00:30:29
you're when you meet somebody who's like really famous how are you making them feel so comfortable cuz you know
00:30:34
everybody wants their attention yeah what is your what is this social skill you've developed I mean this is going to sound awful no it's not I I'm fascinated
00:30:41
but I think it is a true characteristic of your praise the Lord you know you noticed this right yeah yeah I just don't Hallelujah I don't care I don't
00:30:48
care to treat them other than a guy I just so you're just ball busty I just don't care and if they're like oh I
00:30:54
don't like that you're too too uh familiar I then I don't care so you remove yourself then we're not cool if
00:30:59
if I can't treat you like a human then I'm not [ __ ] interested so you're immediately it's just like the most famous people I've ever met I treat them
00:31:05
just like a [ __ ] regular and they probably love it because everybody treats them so weird yeah and the fact
00:31:11
that there's somebody who's treating them like they're in high school again there's a comfort that they have I'll tell I'll tell you the real trick if you
00:31:17
want if you want the honest truth if you want the honest truth the reason I the reason that's all we wanted I'm
00:31:24
the reason that I got well first of all I'll give context to what he's saying we were in a meeting in Sony with one of my best friends in
00:31:31
Los Angeles who got us the job you're welcome freebie what's the job what's the job we're doing an animated show
00:31:36
yeah we're doing movie A animated movie sorry but but but I will be honest the reason that I did get comfortable not
00:31:41
caring about famous people is when my first job in La was on punked and I was so in my head all the time all these
00:31:47
celebrities would come to the studio and at some point I I just stopped giving a [ __ ] about trying to like you know oh my
00:31:55
God you're so good to meet you with all that stuff cuz I was so worried about the bits I didn't give a [ __ ] about the celebrity and they didn't give a [ __ ]
00:32:01
about me so it's kind of this great equalizer of when I was young I met all these famous people and they didn't
00:32:07
[ __ ] give a [ __ ] I was a player on the show I was a nobody and so I just kind of thought I'm not going to [ __ ]
00:32:13
kiss ass to these people I it didn't mean anything to me so I never wanted to earn their friendship cuz I didn't care
00:32:18
and honestly I met them all when I was 25 years old that's when I met every famous person from Punk all these people
00:32:25
Andrew man I didn't give a [ __ ] they didn't like me anyway it was like I was a young broke G player I'm going to give
00:32:30
you some insight he's going to be very mad about it I love learning about you guys don't get mad I'm listening all
00:32:35
right when we go to the airport yeah he acts as if he's Jason born hat down you know what I mean yeah
00:32:44
right rifling it's it's it's it's he's a star yeah I mean just I'm open haired
00:32:51
Bri eyes you know what I mean say hi to everybody right this guy thinks he's [ __ ] Ethan Hunt he some wants
00:32:58
attention someone wants attention I [ __ ] you Spaniard [ __ ] you Spaniard I'm
00:33:04
acting normal Spaniard okay so what I do is I wear a hat at the airport I go sit
00:33:10
down and I go relax and wait from my flight this guy mosy about wants oh really how did it turn to
00:33:17
me is Bobby Lee that's what he wants so [ __ ] bad and I just want to chill
00:33:22
have a coffee wait to get on my plane this guy he'll purposely tussle up his hair so it's [ __ ] huge he'll go in
00:33:28
and out of that [ __ ] wh Smith or whatever that convenience store is can't he doesn't buy goodeni you're not buying
00:33:34
anything I like to look at the ranchers he mosies he moies until he's recognized
00:33:39
correct he that's not what I do and [ __ ] you does does it feel good does it feel good to be recognized what is the
00:33:45
feeling he [ __ ] loves it if it was sold in a can he'd buy cases of it can you come sit over here come sit over
00:33:51
here come hang out is this mic on is this mic on he will be yeah yeah yeah yeah I feel so much more balanced now
00:33:57
here's the deal okay I need you to back me up okay so just here's the logic yeah yeah yeah yeah and and and I want you to
00:34:04
be up your heart open this outfit is subdued this is this is not an attention seeking outfit thank you thank you thank
00:34:10
you so much dude it is subdued right so this guy goes to the airport he's wearing a bright pink beanie a bright
00:34:16
blue jacket he's carrying bags like he's Dave Vel he's got like 30 bags around him he loves people looking at him and
00:34:22
one time you said to me weren't at the airport I was just sitting there on a curb or something and you turn to me and
00:34:28
goes I like your fashion yeah I think it looks so you know that I dress a certain way you got great fashion I think you look undoubtedly yes so what I'm saying
00:34:35
is is that I don't dress differently in my regular life than the airport okay
00:34:40
secondly this I can't go into the convenience store yeah you part ever yeah you want a
00:34:49
bottle of water yeah are you allowed to get one yeah if somebody if somebody accidentally goes yo Andrew Schultz are
00:34:56
you attention seeking you usually send Carlos to buy you stuff that's right Carlos has to go be the Gopher and go
00:35:02
getu can you do an American accent yeah doing it right now I don't feel like he even tries like can you can you speak
00:35:09
like us can you I can't try just give it a go say hey it's great to meet you
00:35:14
Andrew Schultz hey it's great to meet you Andrew Schultz he's a he's a robot he's a
00:35:19
ser and Andrew I want to say one last thing and this is truism yes okay it's I
00:35:26
have OIC burps I just took a shot don't are you doing the OIC yeah I did it like an hour ago so I'm is that the weight
00:35:31
loss yeah yeah wovi wovi I mean oh wow so check this out okay many years ago is
00:35:37
he really on it yeah what's the how does that what does that I'm nauseous all the time like I'm on chemo let's move
00:35:42
on well you're just getting ready for a couple years down the road prepping stop
00:35:49
if I do get cancer dude you're going to feel bad about we're all going to get it yeah yeah yeah yeah we're all going to
00:35:55
get it all right so um I was doing um a radio show yeah with Patrice O'Neal the
00:36:00
legend in New York and I was complaining about um how Dr Ken is getting everything at that time ah right and he
00:36:07
pulled me outside when we were done he goes yo son that's what he said yeah he
00:36:13
goes Ken Jong said that no no he wasn't there and preach just goes you know you
00:36:19
and I are similar right I go and what way he goes we don't know how to do the social [ __ ] you know what I mean we
00:36:25
don't know how to bend or Bridge the G right we're so insecure and so we're
00:36:31
Comics you know what I mean that we can't go to a party and fake it and have this you know this mask that some people
00:36:38
wear you know that's about the only thing you in produc on have in common that's
00:36:44
it nice go sit in your chair nice anyway I can't believe he's saying you're faking it I don't think you fake it no I
00:36:51
I think you actually love those environments think it's a fun thing for you I think if it was work you wouldn't
00:36:57
do it no I enjoy I I enjoy talking to people who I talk to I don't there's some people I don't care to see ever again but I want to talk about you for a
00:37:04
second too what I do so the first time I met you was where uh Montreal exactly
00:37:10
yeah we had a lovely lovely meal that you paid for you're a gentleman yes and at at that moment I go this kid is going
00:37:15
to go places oh wow because of the just the what your vision of what Hollywood's
00:37:21
going to be like was spot on right and that what we're doing online is the
00:37:26
future and all that stuff and that you said that many many years ago yeah yeah and you were very kind that that uh that
00:37:32
weekend I will say that you were the nice because I'm a kind person I think you are I do think you are you admit
00:37:39
that I didn't make you feel insecure at all exactly you like the most confident
00:37:44
you some people why do you think Andrew makes you feel why did he make you feel let me tell you another example dude so
00:37:51
good soci I'm taking it all day today I'm trying to compliment you I'm trying to say I'm amaz
00:37:58
he'll some he'll spin it dude it's an evil a little Korean spider he spin this into whatever narrative he wants [ __ ]
00:38:05
web and he'll just spin it whatever he want they don't have web spider monkeys anyway um they're just they have longer
00:38:10
arm I put monkey on it but that's yeah that's just how I feel so what I want to say to you is this okay is I don't know
00:38:16
what I was going to say oh yeah so this um I forgot say Montreal we met we met
00:38:22
at mon right right we connected and then thought I had good ideas about how the business would go right and you were
00:38:28
right on but you had a confidence about you right that was very just confident
00:38:34
you know what I mean and you fulfilled all those things yeah you know what I mean all your dreams came so I kind of
00:38:39
put you in his category in many ways ah you know what I mean I think I think he's better socially oh I know what I
00:38:45
was going to say that's the only I was going to say okay that's I'm a social butterfly I'm I'm only only I'm an only
00:38:52
child who loves to run into people I had no if you I I would never guess you're
00:38:57
an only child well I had a sister but our Gap was almost 10 years so it's like we didn't grow up together okay my my my
00:39:02
half sister we were so we're friends as adults were were you like a culdesac kid
00:39:08
where like there the neighborhood you're talking to people on the Block like you were allowed to go outside your house I I Sports All Time Sports he lived like
00:39:15
the movie The Wire The Wire yeah yeah yeah Urban Baltimore I was in three gangs when I was a kid I got I got beat
00:39:23
I got jumped no you're being joking but didn't you have did you live in like a when I was a kid kid and then when I was
00:39:28
a when I was a teen when I was when in high school we were in the suburbs all right but but I dude I was I wanted to
00:39:34
be social all the time I could I'm like my mom I hate being home I want to be out as much as possible I want to go see
00:39:40
people I want to go do [ __ ] home body I'm the antithesis of home body really hate being at home and you got a
00:39:46
beautiful home home is a place to sleep at night that's it for me really I don't need to be I don't even dude I don't
00:39:51
give a [ __ ] I've never in my heart have ever had the like need for like a like
00:39:57
to to make a house a home don't care a house is just a place to keep my [ __ ] ni that's nice anyway
00:40:03
uh I know what you're doing I know what you're doing I'm saying you're leaving get him a water oh there's one right
00:40:08
behind you right by your foot right by your foot okay no I'm trying I'm trying to say trying to say the truth is I
00:40:13
don't I don't home is a place to sleep a place to I don't care about I mean great
00:40:19
job well I me I'm just telling him something God you're there's rage in your eyes no no I'm just you're stepping
00:40:24
on me I'm telling a truth I'm sorry I'm sorry but no how go do go do some your [ __ ] tell me about how you're like Patrice
00:40:29
O'Neal the greatest [ __ ] one of the greatest comics of all time tell me how similar you are to that guy go ahead
00:40:34
tell me that [ __ ] tell me that bomb story that you told over there oh you're getting personal [ __ ] bomb story what
00:40:40
do you mean getting personal you're shooting at me bring put your gun up then I don't have a gun dude well then [ __ ] I have a flow putting the flower
00:40:47
in your gun get off the range right like the [ __ ] 60s dude right you do he steps in front of a tank and and and
00:40:52
surpris that we want to run him over yeah but it's for peace and love well don't get in the way have a tank yeah
00:40:58
yeah anyway [ __ ] it's not even funny dude I you know you know what I'm not even going to say what I want to say you
00:41:03
started this I'm not even going to say what I'm going to say [ __ ] because it's GNA oh I'm going to say my point it's not funny it's an observation oh go
00:41:10
ahead so Wham the band Yes okay what he
00:41:16
says we're the band Wham no so the Wham broke up I thought that was the first Al why did why did the Wham break up uh why
00:41:22
egos OS yes that every band happens ego I understand this philosop
00:41:28
you guys never have that issue we never have do you know why I give him majority of the
00:41:33
power yes I do when I give when say power you know that we was trying to say responsibility work responsibility yeah
00:41:41
jobs yeah yeah I give him all of the work and I just Mosey on in so that I
00:41:48
don't break up the band it's out of love for you you don't even bring the instruments we had to bring them for you I know because it's a cyber agent this
00:41:54
guy shows up the practice like did anybody tune my [ __ ] yeah we have Garage Band now what do we need instruments for
00:41:59
but anyway um no I tell you why this band is so good tell me tell me yeah for real be honest because I thought what I
00:42:05
was said was kind of honest but now why do you guys think you've had so much success for so long I well I think
00:42:11
because our our Jo our love is uh I say it I said it before no matter what we
00:42:16
say to each other it there's love beneath all of it anyway it's like you could say the craziest [ __ ] I love them
00:42:22
so much it doesn't matter I don't care the truth be this okay if I may yeah okay and I'm not attacking you
00:42:29
I'm not attacking you I love you so much right oh dude all right so um good okay there a flower in that go
00:42:38
okay so um you do have fun I know when I know like there was one time yeah and he
00:42:44
knows with me too yeah there's one time where I told the crew I I don't think
00:42:49
today is a good day to like let Andrew be he's going through something cuz I know he goes through depression yeah
00:42:55
yeah he goes through really deep depressions really yeah yeah it's really bad like it's like clinical almost I
00:43:01
feel no not almost it literally is it is literally clinical like he shut he literally shuts down and he doesn't say
00:43:06
anything all day long and sometimes he needs to drift away so you isolate big time yeah yeah if I'm in a bad mood I
00:43:12
don't I just if what would if I went what the [ __ ] your problem that would
00:43:17
cause a riff yeah so I let him be him and then when I'm going through my stuff
00:43:22
he lets me be me I lift him up I have a I have a story about him doing that with you
00:43:28
what I remember you were going no you were going through a really hard time and I remember I was like I was just talking to you and I was checking in
00:43:34
with you about something and then you were uh yeah you were just saying that you were I don't know if you had repped or something like that I forget exactly
00:43:40
what it was but like you were just saying that he was going through a really hard time and that you guys need to be uh it was really sweet you're like
00:43:47
you have to let him go through these things you got to be for there for him and uh ultimately he's going to pull
00:43:52
himself through it we just got to love him through it yeah that's amazing thank you so much and I know that you're being right now but that is a beautiful thing
00:43:59
from a friend [ __ ] you don't [ __ ] don't [ __ ] AR no [ __ ] you and I was being sincere thank you I don't know it's hard
00:44:05
for him to be it is it is a little hard let me do it again then all right do it
00:44:11
again let me try hold hold on dude blue I have sometimes and I thought I was
00:44:19
going to die but now blue CH and now I can get acked and now I can do lovely
00:44:24
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00:46:22
sorry thank you so much why are you thanking me thank you so much yeah
00:46:27
I forgot who the what the part was you know um thank you what about do you have conflicts with
00:46:34
India see do you have conflicts with India he really doesn't care ask me a question you really care about no yeah
00:46:40
do you have conflicts with India yes with India the yeah the country I have no talking about oh all the time for
00:46:46
sure but that's my homie that's my day one so you get through it Akash yeah actually very rarely though he stopped
00:46:52
texting me for a while why well never resp you didn't respond to him yeah yeah yeah D were you going went through something no he ghosted him on some [ __ ]
00:47:00
was upset about it a what is it was it reasonable that he was upset yeah yeah he ghosted him he just never responded
00:47:07
but that's not because a personal thing if he doesn't understand that that's his problem yeah you what have I ever texted
00:47:13
you back yeah every time every time yeah you're a Bigg
00:47:19
star that's you're you're number one on the call she does Bobby treat more famous people differently oh my [ __ ]
00:47:26
god really brother here we go brother you know who doesn't do that huh who that's
00:47:31
Santino that's right baby dude he sucks as who doesn't do that this guy when we see some when we're when we're with
00:47:37
somebody who's famous what does he do dude dynamically changes tell me he he puts what hides too eventually he puts
00:47:45
on a show and then he disappears cuz he doesn't want them to over analyze oh so it's like kill and then get out of there
00:47:51
100% kill him so one he kills and he gets the [ __ ] out of there cuz you're like I'm going to [ __ ] this up yeah like
00:47:57
so Michael ba yeah the director oh let me tell the story no let me tell it it's my story go ahead God hold like can let
00:48:05
him open it up let him open it up or I'll let him tell the story first Michael baay Michael Ba's wife is a huge
00:48:11
Bobby Lee fan is like in love with Bobby Lee right and and so she convinced Michael a to listen to the show and then
00:48:18
B to start coming to see us live right so Michael and his wife have come to The
00:48:23
Comedy Store a few times I that's a big deal yeah and they come because Bobby
00:48:29
Lee is they cannot get enough yeah so the last time Michael B came the last
00:48:35
thank you Carlos for a little spit cup yeah guy who goes to wh Smith at the airport the last time Michael Bay came
00:48:41
to The Comedy Store me and him are backto back tag teaming and it's a great
00:48:46
hot night and he's in the green room I get off stage he's with Michael Bay and his wife who I do not know I'm not
00:48:52
familiar with them I've bar I've said hello and I get off stage and what do you do go ahead take it away kid can I
00:48:58
can may I take over the story yeah I just [ __ ] gave it to you okay thank you God I don't like your energy right
00:49:04
now tone it down now go ahead okay so he comes right and it's
00:49:10
always so we're in the Green Room at in the main room in the in the bathroom part in the private in like the the
00:49:15
private in the private part right he sits down and it's always like World War II right they're attacking you're you I
00:49:24
mean a convenience store owner you're still a merchant yeah yeah but it's it's a rule you know I mean he explain me the
00:49:31
history of a right and I get so dis combobulated yeah that's is that the
00:49:37
right word discombobulated I go I need to [ __ ] do pass and I pass Michael
00:49:44
Bay to him he literally grabs me and goes dude come in here come in here and I walk into the room and he
00:49:51
disappears to get the other guy so then I'm in there with Michael Bay and his and get Bill I'm getting Bill Bird ready
00:49:57
to to be the tag I will give credit let me give credit what credit is do as soon as Bill walked in I was like [ __ ] yeah I
00:50:02
can get out of here I did that for you because Michael and his wife I don't know them well and I was also like this is they're wanting to talk to him I'm
00:50:09
this in interim thing another pitching they're not pitching me now it's more
00:50:14
like so how is comedy I'm like oh [ __ ] it was so it's [ __ ] and it's just
00:50:20
because they want to talk to him but he's so uncomfortable he throws on me when I saw Bill W he's like what's up dude I was like I was [ __ ] send the bill
00:50:27
so that was very nice I said Michael B really wants was a lie but he gets he get uncomfortable yeah he lies and then
00:50:32
Michael B was like what are you do so you aled I Al Al to Bill Burr but Bill can't touch the net but Michael B
00:50:38
doesn't want it he doesn't want it D oh but they start hitting it off and I just I went into the Hollywood and guess who
00:50:44
got the convenience St role in World War II Bill Burr Ken Jong he lost why does
00:50:49
Ken Jong get it so what I do and this is the difference between him and I right whereas I'm not comfortable like he's
00:50:56
invited me like hey Lee I go Michael he goes come over for Thanksgiving there's no way I'm going to go over there for
00:51:02
Thanksgiving oh it's I don't show they love him yeah yeah his wife and Michael are like in love invited to Super Bowl I
00:51:09
go I'm going to Miami which I was are you familiar with his work yeah I love it yeah he's a prolific film I love his
00:51:15
movies they're like just action-packed fun he couldn't go to Michael Ba's thing for the Super Bowl because he had to go with Jake Paul you had to go Jake Paul
00:51:22
to do to his Super Bowl party in Miami he flew to Miami for that he's trying to D that one down so you were so busy at
00:51:28
we couldn't shoot that week by the way we couldn't shoot the show cuz I'm sick oh you're sick what' you do the next morning went to Miami with Jake Paul why
00:51:34
didn't why didn't you get him tickets to the Super Bowl was at a Super Bowl party I worked like a shill i at his house I
00:51:41
did a job what were you doing in Vegas I did a job I took a I took a check I was
00:51:47
doing like I was doing a thing with Brian ER laacer to like they were it was like Brian eracer X NFL player exactly
00:51:53
what the [ __ ] does that even mean you mean big time Big Time he's big time and then he's on on the Celtic Court front
00:52:00
seat I saw that who gets that Jack Nicholson and this guy Celtic Court I wouldn't be look get in the building
00:52:05
Jack Nicholson just saying that because of The Departed yeah yeah think Jack Nicholson's really white
00:52:11
he pul yeah and Matt Damon right and Leo right they go to the Celtic Boston I
00:52:18
couldn't get in the building I don't and if I do I'm the top row with the hand
00:52:24
with the thing finger I going ra ra you know what I mean thank you by the way so
00:52:29
you know to be true yeah i' have to buy a ticket there's no connections I have that's that's the truth do you think that they feel a little bit like what's
00:52:35
that term uh like a neged or whatever like they're trying so hard to you know
00:52:41
have you be part of their friend group and you're rejecting it so much no I never that's insane that's that's crazy talk validate that is that kind of what
00:52:47
happens be real be real Carlos I'll get mad no headlight no because you're
00:52:53
gaslighting him right now let him answer his own [ __ ] question does he try does what Schultz just said does he try
00:52:59
when people like does he try to push away from that yeah because the more famous you are on the show the faster
00:53:05
he'll come back here and hang something he never does exactly yeah but you push away I don't push away you push away I
00:53:11
escape okay two different things okay dude you get it you know what I mean let me ask you something if you're an ashwoods would you be digging holes oh
00:53:19
my wait what I think that's a wrong I think that's the wrong if you're in a Japanese interman Camp there yeah yeah
00:53:24
yeah that's it if you're on a Japanese and Turman cab right I be the
00:53:29
Japanese going I have do you know how they made sure they were just Japanese in there they looked at the penises no
00:53:37
okay that's what I did but I was asking a friend of mine who's like parents were no Grandparents were in the camps GE who
00:53:43
was Japanese dude okay and uh and I was just like how did they like cuz I feel back in the day it was a little more
00:53:49
loose right they kind of round them up in there oh you think there's a guy there going I Chinese well wouldn't you
00:53:57
hello hello I Chinese you is that not the first thing look at the
00:54:02
te right maybe by the way that's a great movie in Escape story of a guy pretends
00:54:07
to be other I Chinese I it's called I chines Chinese yeah it's just a Korean
00:54:12
guy being super racist to other Asian no he's an American he's an American Bor he doesn't even have an access but he
00:54:18
survives you I mean the PE haror you know what I mean I Chinese and then when he's older maybe
00:54:24
the LA riots I I he's an old man I Chinese gets out of all it's a whole
00:54:30
it's an epic tell us what your guy said so I asked him I was like how did they figure it out they must have just lumped them all in there and like whatever and
00:54:36
probably the last names Andrew no well how would that matter and they would yeah what are you talking about they also probably wouldn't ask their [ __ ]
00:54:42
name no they're just looking at you and you look [ __ ] Japanese and they throw you in what's your name I'm Frank Wong
00:54:47
sounds good get in there get in there that's what would do that absolutely I'm border I'm the okay hey what's your name
00:54:55
pal excuse me can I a quick question right yeah what [ __ ] I do here oh oh oh
00:55:01
you're with the other Japanese guys go get in line but you listen to with your ear right I Chinese prove it zip this
00:55:10
guy's Chinese that's how it would go I would show my day so he goes uh oh yeah they
00:55:17
just spoke to him in other Asian languages and if they couldn't speak back they knew that they were Japanese
00:55:22
oh wow and I'm like wo that is way easier that's way easier that's like the easiest thing oh because the Japanese
00:55:28
knew English no they would speak to the Japanese guy in Korean and if he couldn't speak back they'd be like oh that's a [ __ ] wow that's a good
00:55:35
clever way of doing it yeah it isn't it yeah yeah yeah we were just ring you yeah yeah but what if it's like a
00:55:42
Santino are are given the job to round up all the Japanese people like this is going to be [ __ ] easy easy but my
00:55:48
argument against that is there was something cuz Japanese have been part of America for so long a lot of them didn't even speak Japanese yeah that's all yeah
00:55:54
some of them were second generation as dude my friend's parents didn't speak Japanese and then after that it stopped
00:56:00
like they stopped entirely yeah cuz that's how you end up camp and that's what happened to George takai yeah
00:56:05
George takai as a kid yeah right he was Japanese though but he was in a camp as a kid they got it got it right yeah they
00:56:12
nailed then he got Star Trek right then he got Star Trek I think it's even well we gave him Star Trek to make up for the
00:56:17
reparation that's your 48 TV star that's good 40 episodes that's you got 40 epis
00:56:22
the let me ask you about the baby yes talk to me how many now yeah I got still W yeah I was talking to kila earlier and
00:56:30
I asked it can't just congrats yeah call
00:56:35
in when you get congratulations yeah thank you oh thank you yeah yeah yeah I thought we're past that yeah yeah you
00:56:40
know how I feel about it yeah how do you feel I don't like
00:56:46
it hat it he is a bully he's really good bully and it's darts thank you're
00:56:52
dangerous [ __ ] you it's insane because you're so fun and silly and then it's just a [ __ ] sniper shot yeah even
00:56:58
this right here whatever that move was it was don't do this Carlo is trying to troll you right now oh that feels like
00:57:05
we're just bro yeah I don't never stick a penis in my butthole that's not what is
00:57:11
it Anyway let's just move off no when they put when they put when a girl puts on a dildo and they [ __ ] you from behind
00:57:16
what's that called Fun there's a it's called it's called fun it's a fun
00:57:22
time F I got the word is your baby the love of your life yes undoubt cliche you could ever imagine it almost like I
00:57:30
understand like why Comics do the joke about like how annoying their kids are yeah and it's because it's the only take
00:57:37
that is counter what we all feel exactly ah you know what I mean like you know how you could take the other angle like
00:57:43
we all do this comedically right how I take the angle that's not there and then find a way to justify it you're the
00:57:48
feelings you have for your kid are so unbelievably hacky yeah that you feel unoriginal like it's every possible
00:57:55
cliche our whole life we're trying to have a unique take about things and then you look at the kid and you're like oh
00:58:00
my kid is the best laugh ever right and it is of course right and I wonder if it's just for me do you have a son or
00:58:06
daughter a daughter W it's made up in you it's made up of your DNA so it does something it must biolog chicals do
00:58:12
something for you it's unbelievable well because it's like when you meet when you meet someone who has an ugly baby yeah
00:58:18
they don't know that [ __ ] they have no idea oh that's that's chemical they really don't [ __ ] know I'm so glad
00:58:23
cuz I've seen some OS yeah yeah we have a we have a friend that has an ugly baby
00:58:28
and you know tight on the way out though they say that oh yeah what's tight on the way the [ __ ] cuz yeah cuz and the
00:58:34
baby's head kind of gets warped yeah it's a compliment to the wife to have an ugly baby my wife had a C-section so it
00:58:40
was [ __ ] you know what why can't they just go feet first what like a
00:58:47
slide bro the funniest thing about Anatomy what why can't they just go feet first yeah yeah hey can you come out
00:58:53
feet first babies are upside down you know that I know but you're going to flip them in there here am I thinking D
00:58:59
get get tongs in there like you're barbecuing yeah I'll walk I'll do the whole thing walk yeah yeah I'll walk
00:59:06
that baby yeah fried noodle it but what I would do is um because when the feet
00:59:11
comes out in the body it stretches the vagina no the head does that and then the shoulders do that but wouldn't loosen it up if you put head first it's
00:59:19
tighter yeah if you put feet out first it'll loosen it up I get I get your point okay good yeah man they should I
00:59:25
can't believe you're not doctor yeah like what were they thinking not hiring you I don't know the I don't know I'm
00:59:31
saying you're saying like that's the answer you think like [ __ ] all these years okay fine God do you do you want
00:59:37
kids Bobby the biggest insult to an Asian guy is to say he's not doctoral you just don't have it in you
00:59:44
man I do want them yeah one okay and I will have one good yes you will I got to
00:59:52
find the person though you'll be a great Papa too and that's it's difficult it's been difficult Andrew what's your thing you get behind it yeah I get behind the
00:59:59
condom I mean I don't do it reverse you saying hit it from behind yeah like are you I feel like you think I stick the
01:00:05
[ __ ] condom in my butthole and do it from behind what are you talking about I think you stick in your butthole and then you hold your nose closed and then
01:00:11
you sneeze and blow like a balloon Bobby has a
01:00:17
tail look at Bobby's tail yeah okay I'll try that next time but um but I did and
01:00:25
um you know but a lot of times you know women are like I know you enough what position what position I think you get
01:00:31
behind it I don't my knees Burn yeah you got bad knees that's that's really rude
01:00:36
what do you mean because I have short legs okay and the women that I date are much taller than me their [ __ ] are at
01:00:43
eye height yeah so then they have to do a Squatty thing too and we're all burning thighs you know what I mean and
01:00:49
it's like I do I'll do like 10 and then I'll go hey you want to switch back to missionary that's the one I'm good at
01:00:54
the problem is he counts he go one two three four oh you're you're going out do reps I got two more sets in me yeah
01:01:01
what's your position I think I think on my back I think I like laying down the cowgirl yeah love laying down that's fun
01:01:08
laying down that's so fun we've been doing the work for so long let them do something also they have to finish yeah and that's the position I can control
01:01:15
the best but here's the thing that they do and I I don't understand it this yeah
01:01:20
the Hulu hoop strategy tell me about that they get on it yeah yeah instead of
01:01:27
going up and down they go around they think they're in a luow can I tell you why they think they're in a luau and it's twisting your thing you know what I
01:01:33
mean I think Andrew's got an interesting uh opinion as to why they might do that
01:01:39
yeah no no no I I know you're implying and [ __ ] you d i you I don't have the
01:01:45
length I didn't say that at all slip out when it does up and down the length what
01:01:50
is it what is it they want you to be they want to hit the sides they want you to feel the science and you're skinny you're skin
01:01:56
you do have a skinny penis oh wow you do have a skinny penis it's not small but it is skinny so it's just it's just kind of like bouncing it's like an Udo
01:02:04
noodle it's a it's one of those car those guys yeah and they need to shake it
01:02:10
around to hit the sign yeah you know how like grass Bree the breeze you you Frolic through grass it's kind of like
01:02:17
that my penis really yeah it just frolics With the Wind you know what I mean the tell them what the last girl
01:02:22
said she said you had what boyfriend penis boyfriend penis which is they say that's really good she said explain
01:02:28
boyfriend P She Goes not the smallest it's not small but it's not like the this big unmanageable it's like a
01:02:34
boyfriend it's a dick that I could have sex with in perpetuity wow I said that's a huge compliment that is a great
01:02:39
compliment boyfriend penis is great and who is this girl she's gone
01:02:47
yeah cut out her first girl that loves your [ __ ] like Andre and delete delete
01:02:54
delete Andrew she said I was worthy just pull up the CT no Andrew
01:03:01
okay yeah many women have said it yes that have maybe a great tick maybe you
01:03:07
have a great pick and you've been catfishing us or no gaslighting us I I'm being real for a second Ian fan saw it
01:03:13
you showed it to me and I was I I was uh what is it called it like I was
01:03:21
impressed because of how low expectation you made me have right that's what you
01:03:26
got to do you got bar and on 0 every day I was like I'm not you know what I mean I like you and then when they see it
01:03:32
they go oh it's boyfriend it's smart it's a smart play that's a [ __ ] move he tells every girl like you're not
01:03:38
going to like me a small dick yeah and then they get in there like what this is great Santino looks like he's got a
01:03:43
[ __ ] thing on he does no you do look like that's why you can talk to celebs cuz you're looking at them like they got
01:03:49
little you have a dude you have a big one you have a big one no what stars have your body a boyfriend dick dude you
01:03:55
I got husband dick so I got girlfriend dick Ian fance saw mine in Spa really and he can judge he also has bad Vision
01:04:03
ah blur they widen yeah yeah yeah and he even said it's so cute that's mean why
01:04:11
why I think it's a compliment I think it's a I think it's sitcom penis yeah oh yeah yeah like a testwell I'm here test
01:04:19
well you know what I mean like if it was in a sitcom they like people like oh they like yeah yeah yeah it's Pixar
01:04:25
whatever you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah Nemo not Nemo not Nemo Dory not
01:04:31
Dory no no no I don't really know what's that big white blob of a you know I mean the robot inflatable white oh that one
01:04:38
oh Big Hero 6 it could be Big Hero 6 yeah the presence the presence that that
01:04:43
carries you carry yeah you carry love warmth happiness can we talk about this for a second though it's something I
01:04:49
thought about okay yeah how long has marriage been a thing in in in human race since the beginning yeah I think
01:04:56
5,000 years okay for 4,300 years yeah so 4,300 years were human beings around
01:05:03
before that yeah for how many years well this long probably thousands of years
01:05:08
thousands more more maybe it could be a million maybe Millions right we don't know what the [ __ ] did they do that in the million years they got married they
01:05:14
just no they didn't you don't think no they were Nomads well you still got married you just no no you would go go
01:05:20
to a village or a dwelling polygamy was common throughout history cousin marriages remain common through the
01:05:25
world particularly in the Middle East yeah still to this day you can marry your cousin out there yeah lug
01:05:33
Akash I love him he's so talented I'm so sorry I'm so sorry um so [ __ ] our
01:05:40
goal is to make Akash his wife the biggest Tik Tok she and she's beautiful she's great she's on but my goal is uh
01:05:47
to remove all the leverage he has in his relationship that's so funny so if she's making way more money is she in the
01:05:53
business or no no she's just on Tik Tok but we're trying to make her a Tik Tok Superstar J with it yeah what's her Tik
01:05:59
Tok J with it she's on Tik Tok Jasleen with it Jasleen with it Tik Tok let's see what the Tik Tok is there it is
01:06:05
jasen with it yeah there we go and how many subscribers does she have I mean it would make me feel really good for her
01:06:11
to should surpass aashian Fame but why ask ask yourself the question why cuz it's funny yeah we like to see our
01:06:17
friends suffer yeah what the [ __ ] is the point what do you think this whole show is yeah all right there we go there there she is yeah there she is wow how
01:06:24
are you guys doing I'm here on Valentine
01:06:30
get on the second I said it I was like this is a horrible idea jine I'm trying to build you up okay we're trying to
01:06:36
build you up all the bad friends following jine on Tik Tok okay wow get
01:06:42
ready for my first Rolex have you guys ever had Lucky Charms in the morning man I'm getting a
01:06:48
charm on my wrist a Rolex man talk about aash no it's the same accent all
01:06:54
right all right so she is she is beautiful follow every and Akash we love you my love you love you akos no we love
01:07:01
you so much what I'm saying is is that is it human nature to be with one person
01:07:06
for the rest of your life yeah yeah it's it's it's it's uh well marriage for sure
01:07:12
being with some having a partner for the rest I don't know if it's genetically I think that I think that we assume that
01:07:18
it's supposed to be perfect for your whole life it's not a natural state okay but it's a it's a social construct that
01:07:24
I think has cling to many people I can do benefited us like yeah it wouldn't still be here if it didn't help us as a
01:07:31
society we weed [ __ ] or help some people right like this in the same way that like I'll tell you why happened yeah
01:07:36
well S I know little I know a little bit and we don't have kids I know a little bit about history in the same way that
01:07:42
like I think it would make me very happy to have kids if we don't have them it's
01:07:47
okay so to me it's kind of like that same thing if some people don't get married I know that they're like I'm okay with it yeah it's I think it just
01:07:53
Services people who IT services but you're glad you have a partner well yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm glad I have
01:07:58
somebody that like is along for the ride up and down cuz it's it's all the above I think the people that the mistake that
01:08:04
was given to people socially is like marriage is this perfect wonderful thing you're going to be happy every single
01:08:09
day of your life that [ __ ] is worko you're going to have crazy Downs you have crazy UPS you have are you always attracted to them though I find her
01:08:16
attractive but you're not always like in a it's not like a [ __ ] it's not a state of horniness you're in every
01:08:22
second but you find them beautiful yeah that's you're in love with this I watched a documentary called civilization yes yeah okay so we were
01:08:29
Nomads for many many years okay as soon as we had can grow crops yes wheat wheat
01:08:36
yes and it's we made settlements yeah and that's when the marriage thing came that's right right when we can afford
01:08:41
them I don't know as soon as we built up enough equity then we were like okay I have stuff if you need it but I think it
01:08:48
was harder to do as a nomad to keep a relationship well yeah yeah you I mean in the noad see I'll see you whenever
01:08:55
but we still need to make the kids and we still need to protect them yeah that's true got to protect them okay I
01:09:01
mean that's probably why it was built yeah for community and protection and yeah also to pass down like assets and
01:09:06
[ __ ] that's what all the marriage was I think in like the royal family like how do we keep all this land within okay you
01:09:13
know this I believe it I believe it's supposed to be true then yeah yeah okay you believe in it yeah yeah I sometimes
01:09:19
I think about May is maybe it isn't if you never meet someone and never have a family who who would you uh bequeath all
01:09:24
of your ass to like any money you've earned or a house that you oh if I had no woman if you had no one and you were on your way out my mom still alive or
01:09:30
she dead everybody's dead everyone's dead my brother not dead Steve's younger he's dead now I just
01:09:37
couldn't yeah yeah no what what if Steve's still alive probably most to him and then the rest too if you're still
01:09:43
alive I give you some okay that's nice okay Shelty yeah I love you love you man
01:09:49
it's always fun with you I love hanging with you fun with you yeah you guys are great yeah chy has a special yes yes
01:09:56
a Netflix special yeah it is called life yeah it is his life uh I saw him run it
01:10:02
well run pieces of it I guess in Phoenix when we were in Phoenix together I saw oh that was my first weekend I know I saw that it's kind of cool watching you
01:10:08
peel it and now I know it's dramatically different than what I first saw sure sure but incredible as usual can I ask
01:10:14
you some questions cuz I'm doing one now yeah please where where are you doing it this is like a big Hulu Hulu shout out
01:10:19
Hulu we both did Hulu I know you did Hulu that but like so um I've never done one yeah
01:10:26
there's a lot of expectations on it I and and that's what I'm worried about yeah of course you've likeit I have
01:10:32
never done one you've built it up I feel like they want to see the best and I can only just do what I can do I think you
01:10:38
just got to do what you do yeah yeah I don't think I again what he just talked about you cannot care what they're thinking about there going to be people
01:10:44
that hate it and they're going to be people that love it I would I would argue a very very small percentage of people are not going to like it a
01:10:51
remarkably small but those people there will be people that don't even watch it that hate it yeah right decided they're
01:10:57
going to hate it what do you think I'm going to watch that Bobby Lee special [ __ ] that yeah they're that that's going to be a natural thing but like at the
01:11:02
same time just do what you want to do this is what I'm going to do yeah I'm going to do it and I'm going to
01:11:08
disappear yeah oh that's good too I'm going to AR shaar it I love how we're still going to do the Pod we'll we'll
01:11:14
Bank it because I want two weeks where you going to go I'm going to be to go to Costa Rica don't you think after you
01:11:19
shoot a special you should have some time off yeah yeah oh well you got to you got to
01:11:26
promote it for a little bit after it comes out not everybody just no why can't I just do it before cuz you know
01:11:32
with streaming I think it matters after it comes out yeah that's right okay then I'll do a month of promoting and then
01:11:39
I'll go to co also I think that we all got a root for Hulu yeah I think we got a root for Hulu and root for Amazon
01:11:45
because like the more places that are doing standup the better it is for stand-ups good for all of us you know what I mean like cuz now there's
01:11:51
competition if it's just one place they could just go here's this amount of money and you you got to take it that's what I felt from the other company
01:11:57
interesting you what I mean they didn't hit that number that you wanted no they never offered yeah that's not true that
01:12:03
is 100% true I imagine once you got an offer from Hulu there was interest from there was I didn't get I didn't
01:12:08
literally hear that but you know I didn't know when are you taping when are you taping I just did it just did it I'm
01:12:14
doing it in December okay cool where are you doing it San Diego where bboa theater I love the bboa theater so good
01:12:21
uh go watch Life on Netflix uh please our friend much as much as we do yeah
01:12:27
Andrew look in that camera and say thanks for being a bad friend thank you so much for being a bad friend that's great oh man
01:12:37
[Music]
01:12:55
oh
