00:00:00
[Applause] [Music] and look at the run that we're going on we're gonna go on the Texas run
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yeah Houston and then we go up to the Northwest we go to school and then we go to Phoenix where my mom
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is and then uh after the big break we go down to Florida finish the rest of the trip we'll go to bad friendscod.com badfriendspod.com for those tickets and we want to say sorry to our friends in
00:00:33
Virginia yes so sorry um we had a scheduled conflict and we had a scheduling conflict it was stuff out of our control I'm so sorry we had to
00:00:39
reschedule we'll figure it out we'll get back out there sometime somehow someway it wasn't us no we're going to make it
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out so I'm sorry Carlos's fault it's all Carlos's fault Virginia blame it on Carlos the [ __ ] King go to
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badfriendspod.com for tickets badfriendspod.com you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
00:01:00
[Music] or something we're bad friends and we're back we're back with the boy and kiss the Dalai Lama Maria's right there so how was it when
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the Dalai Lama kissed your time I thought I thought it was weird it was a little strange he's a thick tongue did you see it juice did you see the Dilemma
00:01:19
kiss a little boy's tongue oh I watched it a lot of times let's check it out I know this episode's gonna come out way
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after this man do I want to see this yeah yeah give me smooch whoa give me a kiss oh
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so weird yeah so sweet so weird does the Dalai Lama have not people like other monks around them God yo yo yo yo yo yo cameras Dolly cameras there's a there's
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a Catholic Church down the street we can go there well but look but look the funniest part about it is yeah he didn't sneak it he stuck it out and led with it
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you know when you so when you see someone go like this when you see someone like go to kiss someone they go
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and then you Dart the tongue in like a little arrow yeah he sparked controversy film kissing a boy suck his tongue what a weird he asked him well that's what Namaste means oh that's
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Namaste yeah people don't know what Namaste I mean that's suck my tongue Namaste
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uh do you think it's over no no no no no it's the beginning I think we're gonna find out how many tongues he's kissed right I think this is the Dalai Lama's thing that's my opinion yeah are they
00:02:28
celibate do they have to be does does the Dalai Lama has to be celibate or no because then we got a whole Catholic
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church thing going on Pete you say yes I say yes yeah Pete says yes Carlos has no idea I'd say no ultimately the Dalai
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Lama who like all Tibetan Monks is celibate himself yes so yes said gay marriage was up to each government and was ultimately individual business yeah
00:02:47
gay marriages no come on Dalai Lama it can be a business this says he's he he voices support that doesn't sound like he supports gay marriage that sounds like he's saying yeah kinda
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it's up to you if the local government says you can't yeah what he's saying he's like look if they Stone you they
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Stone you I think you gotta let them do whatever the [ __ ] they want who cares that's insane
00:03:09
this is a gay marriage by the way you and I what this is a legal gay marriage yeah we've been performing together for
00:03:15
how many years now this has got to be under California state law we don't have that we rent this place together I know but I looked it up they don't have it
00:03:21
you're worried about it I don't want to marry you too I don't be legally [ __ ] bonded
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oh there's gonna be two versions do you do the American version we do Asian version
00:03:35
yeah yeah juicy is back in the studio with us thank God because man did we miss you
00:03:42
what where have you been um you know after that tour we've been doing I've yeah we've been on tour we've been on tour so much so heavy how much
00:03:53
fun have we had on tour oh I love it it's been I love it so much been incredible yeah can't wait to do more
00:03:59
yeah I can't wait can I just say one more I'll gripe I have give me the gripes I'll give you one more drive right I was driving down the street I
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almost had an accident because I looked at a billboard right they did another Peter Pan what are you talking about I can't watch
00:04:12
another Peter Pan there's a new one and you know the two things that whites do Peter Pan every year and they make a
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Robin Hood I don't like any white people dressed in green green can I first of all that's my ancestry that's my history
00:04:24
you know leprechauns can do it thank you right but what's wrong with Peter everyone here they make a movie about
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Peter Pan and Robin Hood man what's wrong why what's wrong with this Peter Pan why don't you like it because I I
00:04:36
know the story look at that that's literally our show that's you on the left yeah that's juicy that's juicy as
00:04:42
Peter Pan so would you Peter be Peter Pan I'm hook for sure is Tinkerbell in this is that Tinkerbell I don't know the black chick on there it's never been a fat asian guys
00:04:55
Tinkerbell by the way can you imagine yeah he'd have to take so many breaks flying around he wouldn't be able to fly
00:05:00
you'll just be walking around with the swings a flightless Tinkerbell yeah flightless yes the black girl wait who
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is it that's what's her name I know her right she's mm-hmm yeah Yara Shahidi no she's famous she's
00:05:14
she's really good she's super talented so she's Tinker Bell who's pan who's playing pan my dog who we got on pan
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probably a black guy oh Gaffigan is in this that's right I heard that Peter Pan is a kid named Alexander Malone Maloney
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oh so they went they went a different way what do you mean zoom in I'm not see I gotta be honest with you yeah okay you look at that picture of that gentleman yeah that looks like Tinkerbell to me
00:05:42
yeah yeah that totally looks like what that looks like Tinkerbell why couldn't that by the
00:05:48
way why couldn't Tinkerbell be a guy why not that's true yeah if we're fighting all this equal right [ __ ] then how come
00:05:53
Tinkerbell can't be a guy thank you oh fat asian guy also who's playing Rufio a different movie dude totally different that's completely different world you're you're involving two completely
00:06:03
different story lines and a thing that what about this is that Peter Pan nah it is but that's a sub that's like under
00:06:09
the umbrella of the pan Universe just like Hook is Under the Umbrella of the pan Universe Peter Pan is the star of
00:06:15
this okay Rufio exists hook exists but in this one the stars are you know Jude Law is playing Captain Hook in this uh-huh perfect perfect uh Gaffigan's playing schmee which is amazing amazing
00:06:29
no Rufio because I don't think maybe they don't show Rufio some love okay you know the Rufio Rufio you know that guy
00:06:35
that actor I love him what's his name his name is um they're the uh they're Brothers
00:06:41
because I used to audition against them all the [ __ ] time yeah Dante and his brothers I used to
00:06:47
see them at commercial auditions in the 90s he's the man yeah and this dude he can rap break dance he can do everything he can do everything dude this guy look
00:06:54
at him saying he's pretty yeah he's got it all half mustache half stash yeah you
00:06:59
can't grow a real real beard though no but he can't even grow full mustache look at that get pepper it in okay they
00:07:05
paint it in there's that one oh yeah that's right okay so if this studio if bad friends became for real let's be
00:07:11
honest if bad friends became Peter Pan if they do the rendition next year yeah you're complaining but if they offered it to us we would all do it oh yeah
00:07:18
right okay well Pete would play the boat [Laughter] right that name is Pete who would be the boat out of us this crew all right
00:07:30
first of all Pete would be schmee he'd be schmee okay I want to be hook right Peter Pan has
00:07:37
got to be juice that's gotta be Peter Pan even though he's a redhead clearly yeah yeah yeah yeah and and Carlos is
00:07:44
gonna be who Wendy Darling or no he's Mr darling he's Mr darling look at him there wasn't Mr darling bald in the original
00:07:51
but also can't we just like he could be this guy right aren't there a bunch of pirates on the boat so many Pirates he
00:07:56
could be pirate number 14. let's hear your I want to be a pirate let's hear your pirate yeah our matey oh no fire
00:08:03
you're never gonna get the job by the way you gotta [ __ ] try not only did you not commit you didn't even try our
00:08:09
matey is that how you would do that we're serious about this dude we're pitching Peter Pan back I I feel like pirate
00:08:17
number 14 doesn't really talk we're producing the movie we're gonna give you a line [ __ ] face no not anymore
00:08:23
how about this you can be caught Chief you'll be caught Chief thank you what do you mean who's caught Chief or slightly
00:08:30
I don't know much about it I think that's from Lion King yeah no dude that's Peter Pan my dog caught Chief
00:08:36
look he's like a native yeah he's one of the Native he's one of the Native characters oh he's tiger Lily's father I
00:08:42
don't remember this story well you should watch the movie again like I do every year when the likes remake it
00:08:47
but you're a Robin Hood fan too look I liked Robin Hood but steal from the rich to give to the poor it's like the poor have enough you know what I mean right porridge it's so delicious no
00:08:59
no keep the rich rich is my whole thing yeah I want Robin Hood where he robs from the poor and gives it to the rich yeah I want Robin I want I want a real
00:09:06
Robin Hood robbing the hood why don't you rob from the poor give to the rich give to the rich that's what I always
00:09:12
say too give to them it's easier to rob the poor as well way way easier yeah they're up security right you know what I mean they don't have much so it's like yeah yeah let's
00:09:23
do a real Robin Hood yeah yeah and then um who we give it to Elon Musk you gotta give to someone
00:09:30
that's struggling you know someone like Gates or somebody oh yeah yeah someone that needs it yeah I read a thing today
00:09:36
that's a very it was obviously from a conservative post and it said Bill Gates's private jet in one flight causes
00:09:43
more carbon emissions than your entire lifetime of of the vehicle that you own the car that you own wow look that up
00:09:48
Bill Gates says flying in a private jet doesn't make him part of the problem because he invests billions into fighting climate change oh I have black
00:09:54
friends that's what that is but I have black friends yeah all that means to me all this really
00:10:00
says to me is get rid of your car let's all have a jet yeah you think what Bill Gates dies and I died at the same time
00:10:07
that we would be waiting in the same line at the Pearly Gates or is he treated differently you think you're going to the gates
00:10:13
well I'm just Bill Gates goes to the gates I know I don't go to the gates he's named after like do we get stuck
00:10:20
around you probably had no someone that will sneak you in totally whenever you for
00:10:25
sure for sure for sure I know people where am I though in line this yeah yeah Bob Bob yeah and you go I don't I don't
00:10:33
think I know him I don't yeah oh he's like hey what about would you let jet ski in I'd already been I'd be like
00:10:39
these guys are good oh thank you and that's really confident of you yeah yeah I would probably let maybe her in yeah
00:10:47
um I would let um who evil would you let in if you could sneak people into the Pearly Gates who would be someone that
00:10:52
shouldn't get in that they're in the Purgatory line oh God I mean because I want to make movies out there
00:10:59
yeah that's I mean I think I'm going to try my Hannah directing in in the in heaven so who are you sneaking out
00:11:07
we gotta have to produce it you got it yes [Laughter] oh yeah he'll direct you look serious he'll say I can promise he can get the second movie
00:11:21
but just only be for Creative to be Creative Juice who would you let in if you could sneak in some people that you
00:11:26
know don't deserve to be in but you'd let someone in who would you have to sneak in would you be okay with being
00:11:31
like look [Music] is Stephen Hawking still alive no no he's dead right did he die yeah he's dead I'd let Hitman you would he's
00:11:44
already in why would he not be in why was Stephen Hawking up here I don't know man why because he's Twisted well
00:11:50
because I don't think it's wheelchairs I don't think it's wheelchair accessible yeah it's a Stairway to Heaven it's a Stairway
00:11:57
yeah it's a Stairway to happen it is oh before we get too far off I have an announcement to make oh [ __ ] I got a text message from who from the big Q at The Comedy Store from Quincy they
00:12:10
finally got those I know I've been getting texts from doorman all day well I didn't get any texts from anybody by Quincy uh I told him to thank you guys
00:12:18
no no they they all came up to me and went thank you so much I mean they were so great finally the show that we did for charity finally got paid to the door
00:12:24
people the men and women of The Comedy Store I did not get any text other than from q but thank you to Quincy I'm going
00:12:30
today after this podcast I just haven't been to the store since I actually haven't been since
00:12:35
I left for Australia so I haven't been in what months three months yeah four months yeah so I haven't gone back but I
00:12:41
did hear that they got paid so thank you for the comedy store for being our home Club our Palace and giving back to the
00:12:47
people that we wanted to give back to because that's what bad friends does we give back isn't that true we do we do so thank you yeah and uh and I hope
00:12:54
everyone uses it for something that they need you didn't get any I'm I'm going to oh you're running a chair you guys told
00:13:00
me to she was still a door person when we when we did this whole deal give it to somebody else all right no no no
00:13:06
she just got a new apartment give us an update on the new apartment by the way oh I love it but they're evicting my
00:13:13
neighbor is that why you love it well I'm gonna love it even more soon but she does like
00:13:20
weird things like plays her music really loud at night and she's getting evicted because I think she stole some packages
00:13:25
from me what are you my dad I'm not a victim slow down snitch plays music at night like like someone that's cool and
00:13:32
steals like a cool person what do you not what do you don't like about this I'm just relaying the message acoustic guitar
00:13:38
speaker is loud oh the speaker oh she's not playing it herself well she says it's like religious music oh yeah but
00:13:45
I'm like who's got to pray that yeah yeah yeah it don't sound like that it's like oh that is religious yeah I think that's Coptic Christian I think it's a new I
00:13:58
think that's a whole new thing that they do listen to like EDM now yeah it's you went to church a couple months ago
00:14:04
because I met that girl I met a girl and she's a Christian I went to church do you know that you told me but you I
00:14:09
don't think you really went you actually I literally went I wore a suit and everything what church did you go to it's called I
00:14:15
don't want to say I don't want to because I'm about to rip on them okay yeah yeah well can we beep it yeah it's
00:14:21
called um church or something like that oh dude this is one of those new age weirdo
00:14:26
churches yeah and but here the music you know how um Christian music used to be kind of bad when all the whole
00:14:34
throughout history when was it bad you'd love it bathe in the blood of Jesus I love that song oh you do I love that stuff okay well you know they're doing now like a Lumineers kind of sound like
00:14:45
you know what I mean we had the guitars out and like hey you know what I mean like I I know what you're doing you're trying to hip it up you're for the Youth right but it's like Lumineers bro what's
00:15:00
wrong with hipping it up for the kids create your own [ __ ] bro Dr dog is playing my church this weekend there's a couple of good bands that are coming through my church this weekend
00:15:12
yeah I mean what's wrong with that here's why I'm not a Christian okay I can show you why okay this is the only
00:15:19
reason why because it's like God can't go to Tom New York and go hey write me a song right why
00:15:26
can't why can't God go to the best singer-songwriters right but he doesn't he always goes to like Creed
00:15:34
the line Scott Stapp is the best song ever okay all right to each his own what did you want him to who did you want him to go to Tom York by the way go to the Yeah Yeahs go to Carino and like write
00:15:47
us a song okay maybe I like it Karen O would be a because Banger about God yeah yeah who do you think would make the best genuinely the best rock song about God stuff like who could not just saying a good
00:15:59
band but look who in their repertoire would make a song that would line up with like God [ __ ] well if I was the
00:16:04
producer I'd say you know make it about God but don't say God allude to it so that everyone can like it well like that
00:16:10
like that song uh you know what like that song uh Take Me to Church uh by Hozier yeah yeah that's a great song
00:16:16
that's God [ __ ] but that's a great song yeah that's a great thing I know that song I haven't sing it take me to the
00:16:23
church Hannah go ahead right something like that right that's it yeah Take Me to Church lyrics go I'll
00:16:41
worship like a dog at The Shrine of your life yeah that's good let me give you that's a dismantling of Catholicism that's what that song is so powerful that's what he's saying I'll worship
00:17:00
like a dog at The Shrine of your lives a shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins you can sharpen your knife offer me
00:17:05
that deathless death good God let me give you my life it's a great poking the bear of the church that's one of my
00:17:11
favorite songs it's a good song I have it oh so this is one of those things that your parents could listen to and be like what a song they have no idea what
00:17:17
he's saying I love it he's singing about God yeah take me to church he's saying someone wants to take him to church
00:17:24
by the way my dad made this mistake I'll never forget remember uh Because I Got High remember that song Because I Got
00:17:30
High because I got her yeah who sang that I was gonna go to work but then I got high Afroman Afroman my dad I'll never forget who shunned me for smoking pot most of my youth one day was like have
00:17:45
you heard that song by Afroman uh because I got high and I was like yeah how have you heard it he's like well
00:17:50
listen to the lyrics he tells you exactly why his life went downhill because he got high yeah I was like no
00:17:56
dad this is promotional of marijuana he's like no it's not bring up the lyrics because he says I was gonna go to work then I got high I was gonna do this
00:18:02
but then I got high he's like see it's a downward spiral of failure I was gonna clean
00:18:08
well he goes I was going to clean my room then I got high yeah see my room is messed up and I know why really yeah my
00:18:15
father thought this was like him trying to say hey man don't smoke pot you won't get anything done right I was like no
00:18:20
dad this is him saying I was gonna do this stuff my homework but I don't feel like it because I want to get stoned
00:18:26
yeah he's like no you're wrong I'm like well however you interpret it that's how you learn music is gonna mean something
00:18:31
to some to other people and it doesn't matter because the writer doesn't have control over how people go that's why I
00:18:37
like it yeah you know it's like remember when Bruce Springsteen admitted that he was like I never worked in a [ __ ] Factory do you see that on the
00:18:43
documentary yeah Springs needed a documentary he was like his dad did yeah but he was like he witnessed his dad yeah he saw humans live these lives but
00:18:49
he's like I didn't [ __ ] I lived a middle class life yeah I didn't work in a coal mine
00:18:55
but he witnessed it it's a it's around his world yeah but it wasn't his exact it wasn't his if I couldn't I couldn't
00:19:02
sing about it because I don't know where a coal mine is in San Diego there there's two of them
00:19:07
has one of the biggest oh yeah oh really we're gonna be there when we play San Diego I gotta visit it yeah you gotta go
00:19:14
we should go together in middle school we you know we would go to dance and they would always play white lines but we had no idea what it was um what a lot
00:19:21
and you're like you know in 2013. yeah you think it's like about the football field
00:19:30
well it's an older song but it's all about doing cocaine yeah you've never heard of it no that's insane we're old
00:19:48
you forget I've listened I know what Moonlight Sonata is that was thousands do you think she knows what that is on
00:19:55
us yeah but I want to school for music oh well you don't know white lines I'm a little upset we didn't learn that in
00:20:01
trumpet class I bet there's a trumpet version by the way right now you're learning white
00:20:06
lines to play on stage on tour I gotta practice it's actually perfect in school what do they play like at the
00:20:18
dance I can remember Rock Lobster too oh I love it and then there was that thing where like you know what you go down
00:20:25
like the whole right and who like I saw the music video didn't do that in the music video we did that's the same thing as like we had no internet back then so how did the San Diego this Middle School
00:20:37
contact [ __ ] Chicago this is the beauty of a before internet things got her how did Sweet Caroline
00:20:44
that's not in the song people say what everyone sings that but it's not in the song what yeah there is nobody says I know but people say it as if it's a
00:21:00
part of the song but it's really not that's the only way you would explain it to somebody that doesn't know it right you don't have a [ __ ] foreign
00:21:14
but everyone else would go Sweet Caroline [Laughter] Sweet Caroline that's not in it either and everybody else so good yeah that's what I'm trying to say we we all add in our Jazz we
00:21:41
added in our Jazz so you know it was like Marilyn Manson we went down and up that was just a kinetic thing that we
00:21:47
all knew okay it's like Marilyn Manson it's the rumor that got around with the internet that he removed a rib and could
00:21:52
blow himself remember that yeah how did that get around before the internet right it's just the that was the magic
00:21:58
of word of mouth before Twitter before all the [ __ ] inundated us with nonsense you would just hear something
00:22:04
wild and cool and it got urban legends cultural urban legends I love Urban well they're gone now I know another no it doesn't exist there's no what's an urban legend now seriously what's something
00:22:15
that you've heard recently no you because you you could verify it immediately YouTube internet yeah you
00:22:21
used to be able to tell big fish stories oh man one one time it doesn't exist yeah Charlie yeah well
00:22:27
one time one time one time there was a guy who went to my high school yeah mark blowman Mark blowman Mark I've never
00:22:33
heard of that last name but Mark blowman yeah he was incredible this guy he did four backflips on a BMX bike off of a
00:22:40
mini ramp really yep oh my God landed it perfectly and both tires popped at the exact same time he stayed on stayed on wow yeah he sells insurance right now in Riverside
00:22:52
no he's not an accident oh okay no he's got an ex-wife he's a two ex-wife yeah it's been tough for Mark blowman yeah
00:22:58
you used to be able to tell used to be Big Fish Tales they'll never exist again because someone will go Google mark
00:23:04
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00:26:11
what what what would they play at your school if you went to a dance like in middle school or whatever like um
00:26:17
Country Grammar like the sweat to the balls that's why it was all hip-hop it was yeah it was hell yeah dude she's she's in the age range where that became the standard you
00:26:30
still had rock that existed right we had no black people in my school well that yeah
00:26:35
they're gonna play [ __ ] Earth Wind and Fire either I think that's on your school's Wikipedia yeah yeah no black people right on the Wikipedia it was like three
00:26:47
wow yeah yeah so it's like they're gonna like you know cater the whole [ __ ] dance for three guys okay
00:26:55
yeah cause you're saying only black people like rap no that's not what I'm saying I'm just I'll
00:27:01
get sounds weird defend let me defend you're right but my brother right you know my brother is a rapper I I know you know that right yes so I remember when I graduated that his
00:27:12
generation just started listening to hip-hop and then they told me to go abide you know Low End Theory go by you
00:27:18
know and that's how I learned you know about it you know what was the what was the first hip-hop song you heard that
00:27:23
made you as someone that didn't really love rap go I think I could get into this it was uh three feet high in Rising
00:27:31
it's De La Soul De La Salle one so because it was catchy right and and yet I could understand also you know what they were talking about and I just loved it it just felt such good music so good
00:27:42
what was that for you Missy Elliott yeah she was my who's got the keys to let you know yeah that's an Anne people song by
00:27:58
the way for those for the older generation so that's what they did oh yeah hip hop hip hop that's what I mean
00:28:03
that was me too but I mean we had Rock and Hip-Hop what I didn't like is when we used rock at school dances from like
00:28:10
my dad's generation there would be like corny [ __ ] that would sneak in there because the teachers wanted to hear [ __ ]
00:28:16
oh why like what you know they want like they would like Abba like [ __ ] like that where you're like [ __ ] [ __ ] out of
00:28:22
shut up Dancing Queen I imagine you didn't get a lot of dances did you never went yeah yeah did you go
00:28:49
to prom and homecoming and everything yeah wait you really never wanted I did I went to homecoming I was gonna say we
00:28:54
should throw a dance for Bobby oh we should that'll be fun right we should do homecoming you you know what Comics
00:29:00
should do a homecoming dance we should I'm being real I would love to like an old school one where people have to
00:29:06
dress like in the 80s well we do the reunion at The Comedy Store and that's kind of a thing you know what reunion or
00:29:12
the Christmas party the Christmas party yeah reunion well that is like a reunion it's like everyone comes back into town
00:29:17
and goes to the store I don't like those parties you know why because you're always a group of people you don't want to be see you don't no
00:29:24
you don't either I've seen you do it no no no no no no no I've seen you do it go don't lie don't [ __ ] lives can you do
00:29:29
it my problem is that's not if I tell the truth you will get in a fight just admit that you I know what you do I've
00:29:36
been watching you right I do the same thing so that's it okay there's a couple of people that nobody wants to see I know there's you you'll walk into the club right you'll
00:29:46
see four people together and you go around yeah okay so admit that okay okay but I still like to go no you don't no yes I do yes I do I do go to all of them you know I go I go I go so have you seen
00:29:59
me or him more I'm holding worked there a year and a half yeah she's all brand new I'll go I've seen it Bobby more
00:30:04
though yeah yeah you've seen him more only because he he's he stays longer than I do yes you look at the crowd I
00:30:11
leave and you leave I pay my dues I say hello I kiss the ring and I wish I could name names but I can't it'll hurt people
00:30:17
sometimes you have to leave yeah you have to leave sometimes you have to leave because all is the worst are oh
00:30:23
God I feel so bad even saying it I'm not gonna say it we can cut it out really well Pizza the worst the worst is you
00:30:29
know and I'm a huge fan of Comedy Generations before me right and when I know when the old Comics are in the parking lot they stay by one little location yeah yeah and they wait for entrance it's like how do you get into
00:30:42
the building there they are you gotta go through them right you have to go through them that's like the troll at the bridge that's like three five four
00:30:49
five you must answer questions three to get through me yeah and comedy history but here's what I don't like this is what I don't like I don't like the younger generation like your generation
00:31:01
of doorman that don't know who they are I always knew who they are well but they couldn't that was 20 30 years to do
00:31:07
research no you think I know who Mort Saul is well yeah yes you do know who mortal is do you know who mortal is
00:31:13
these are those uh Legends you were talking about earlier yeah no he wasn't there I'm just saying it's like no but more is a part of that I just kind of knew you know what I mean who came
00:31:24
before me and you know I just don't see a lot of that happening they don't give a [ __ ] they're looking for now not the
00:31:30
past right good for them [ __ ] them you know what we gotta we need you know what that is you don't know Kip oh wow yeah
00:31:37
yeah well you adapt or die basically and how would we know someone we don't know what's that how would we know someone
00:31:42
what he's saying is he on TV and stuff when we were coming up you kind of had to know those before you it was like a
00:31:49
part of the system but that's not how it is now it doesn't [ __ ] matter even when I was your age this is also what I did I go what I would go what does Dave
00:31:56
Becky look like yeah I remember right or managers and go say hi I would either go say hi or if I knew they were in the
00:32:03
room I would try to do a good set yeah right so it's like I was just kind of privy to who was in the business behind
00:32:09
the scenes who had power Pat buckles I'd I know how what people look like yeah you had yeah but your generation because
00:32:15
of the internet you don't have that they're just tick-tocking their way through town baby yeah it's interesting
00:32:21
and that's fine that's fine we're the old bones dude we're the old bones in the back of the fridge yeah yeah yeah
00:32:26
yeah I'm the new blood New Blood just the way you just said that you're really bothered you've created a monster honestly this is all your fault true I
00:32:37
know you did this like I'm supportive but you really do you're feeding this little beast it's a little tiny I I
00:32:43
cannot wait I cannot wait to see how worse she gets on the tour she's already had demands so far on the tour for
00:32:48
people that want to know what's really been going on yeah she has she makes the bus pull over because she needs smoke breaks yeah and she smokes and I can
00:32:55
hear her mumbling on the side about she's like [ __ ] Bobby a piece of [ __ ] you're a stupid [ __ ] bad jokes oh
00:33:00
Santino cool outfit you fat loser yeah and she'll be saying this stuff while she's smoking I hear her on the side I
00:33:06
want you every other hour we do a nature walk why do we have to do that no why is that I don't want to go on a long nature walk on the side of the highway yeah
00:33:12
you're gonna do it you're gonna like it it's really forcing your agenda man we do we can't even do it like for real yeah she's so nice you know she doesn't have a dinner now you don't have a mean
00:33:24
bone in your body I don't think I would love to just become a megalomaniac and go crazy really I don't think you would
00:33:31
feel guilty I think I think I'd feel too guilty but it'd be kind of him and I can do it I mean can we have do we go here
00:33:39
we are now I think the meanest thing that we've done so far on the tour is make sometimes when bobby gets frustrated with Carlos he'll make him run alongside the bus and I don't think that's nice
00:33:50
yeah yeah but but I'm in good shape right now I gotta tell you you're you've lost some great weight on the tour and you look really thin and tight thank you
00:33:56
and maybe perhaps that's working Bob I think maybe that's a workout plan I think he wants me thin and like oh so
00:34:02
like you're trying to shape me into like a sculpted young man or something like you want me to look good you me what the
00:34:08
[ __ ] you talking about but you keep trying to get me to run outside the bus and sometimes because I don't want to be around you uh that's so real can I just
00:34:14
say another thing all right what I don't I don't know what you'll get upset try a
00:34:20
couple of girls told me that you smell they did not say that is this seriously are you being serious what happened wait
00:34:28
in what city did they say this wait a minute just in general oh you had you have you got tipped off they said it somebody got that is there any validity to this I mean I I don't
00:34:40
think I smell Bobby what is this you think if a piece of poo a piece of poo goes oh I smell poo no he's used to
00:34:47
the smell all right the [ __ ] uses a smell no there's a conspiracy theory you're
00:34:53
trying to knock me down what you're trying to plant this and I'm not buying anything mine right now no this is a
00:34:59
plan this is very manipulative but man it's good I'm not even going to live let me say something right when you look when you look at the mirror do you think
00:35:05
you smell good just visually you think visually you smell well good no I think visually I smell bad exactly because you do okay okay
00:35:15
um I'm not being mean he showers daily it doesn't matter it doesn't matter inside
00:35:22
oh yeah it's a core problem it's a core problem because I needed a way to battle it all right has a girl ever said something did this ring true to you because he has a
00:35:41
girl ever said something that touched close to this no that's why I was a little confused at first yeah let me ask
00:35:47
you something if a woman's if you're with a girl let me ask you right first date and their breath smells weird do
00:35:53
you say anything if you're on a first date with a guy and his breath smells bad do you say something oh I would not
00:35:59
say anything but I it would bother me I mean I'm not on any dates with anybody tell you in the day no no I would say just in present day if I'm hanging out with somebody yeah just a friend or a
00:36:10
homie or even like let's make it comparable not a date but like a work person I barely know that I'm trying
00:36:16
that we're doing business together so that's a sensitive relationship and their breath smell yeah I'd slide them a
00:36:22
couple of minutes you would but you would have to eat some first like you were gonna yeah you always go oh man you
00:36:29
want cements I just bought these right it could be Ruby just hey just eat this why is that weird if you if somebody
00:36:36
went hey do you here have some mints I would go oh my breath probably stinks I don't know I don't know what's wrong
00:36:41
with telling people that their breath smells humiliating it's humiliating no actually no yours either no I've never because I would tell but I would tell you but him yes
00:36:57
you know what we're gonna buy now that he's got this whole thing about you obviously that's what this is this is a roundabout way of him saying he didn't
00:37:02
like the way your breath smells is that true that's true that is this is what he's trying to say I'm not in on this by the way but we need to buy you
00:37:08
Fisherman's friends it's not bad look up Fisherman's friends go ahead these are the strongest breath mints on
00:37:14
Earth I had one in Vancouver Altoids are [ __ ] compared to these the fisherman's Friends by the way wait
00:37:19
Andrew you suggested I buy these at the airport yeah so did you smell my feet away Carlos yeah no do you know why Carlos no yes serious
00:37:33
about it is [ __ ] plan I don't know who to believe this is not true oh my God look at this face that's not
00:37:46
true I'm just letting it go I I smell it like I'm letting it go no he actually [ __ ] pulled it first of all this is not true two things are happening at the same time oh I did suggest fisherman
00:37:58
friends because you said what are these I said you know what they're bomb ass breath mints and I said but those that
00:38:03
you bought were what lozenges exactly so so you're right your theory is wrong what he said it was no the thing that
00:38:10
you bought isn't going to help you you need the full-on yeah you did dude yeah yeah he's trying to sabotage you know the truth you know I'm real right Carlos
00:38:24
look at me you know I'm telling the truth right why would he bring that up no okay you know why I'll tell you why
00:38:29
let's move on from here not only from Canada no they're from they're in Australia as well I had it when I was down there but but let me say this
00:38:36
now that you have a gauge on people's breath yeah does her breast smell yeah oh it doesn't no never thank God yeah
00:38:42
but you're very you're very tooth uh you're very tooth conscious I can see you brush you've floss your teeth are
00:38:48
nice yeah I mean I have a list I have literally a list of people that are stinky mouths but stinky mouths yeah and
00:38:55
I could never say it out loud I know I want you to say it right now we'll just blank it all out because I want to hear it no if you meet someone and their
00:39:00
breath smells it should be okay to say hey I think you might I think you might need to grab a mint or gum yeah and why
00:39:07
can't there be something you say it's a that you know what that is hey you have something on your shirt you have something on your face why is that it's
00:39:12
the same thing why is it so bad I thought it was normal no I don't think it is it's not it's a
00:39:18
big faux pas I think mouth is a thing what's also the genitals so when somebody has stinky genomics yeah you can't say anything with that depends on where you guys take a [ __ ] out Twitter or that fisherman
00:39:29
I'm just gonna put this fisherman thing yeah you can't do that no you're good yeah just put it here let me pop
00:39:36
by the way it depends on how far along in the relationship that you are oh that's true but it's your first in a
00:39:42
date you can't say it I gotta tell you if I ever got single again I would okay on a first date yeah dude you're at an
00:39:49
age now at a certain point there's no games anymore you're like your breath stinks and your dick stinks yeah if by
00:39:57
the way if my dick stunk I'd want to know you'd want to know yeah I'd wanna I want someone to be like it kind you kind
00:40:03
of stink I'd be like [ __ ] okay let me shower up let me clean up yeah let me get fit for you within the shower you'll
00:40:08
be like [ __ ] man can I tell you something yeah much like much like your parent doing a thing to
00:40:14
you that that like embedded in your mind you'd never have a stinky dick ever again would you you'd think about it all
00:40:19
the time and you'd hold it let me ask you this if you went on a date with a girl you like her [ __ ] it's like you connect she's funny hot everything love her right two two or
00:40:31
three dates and she's back at your place you guys are making out and then she's like wait a second and she takes her leg
00:40:37
off like a complete leg her right or left leg is this like Deuce Bigalow yeah just
00:40:44
Bigelow yeah was that in that movie yeah yeah she takes a leg off yeah yeah what would you do
00:40:51
you know I'm if I you know uh no it's fine I mean it's just where are you gonna put it where is it oh
00:40:59
yeah I wouldn't mind would you say anything though like no that's a loose leg no you have to say something what
00:41:06
are you gonna say look you know on your gender profile you had two legs yeah you got new legs yeah I think that wouldn't bother me okay okay an arm
00:41:17
would be a little bit alarming okay if somebody you would know that in the date though no you would not what if they
00:41:22
have a long sleeve shirt on okay you have no idea yeah if you pop off an arm I'd go oh ah that one would be a little
00:41:28
bit more hindering for some reason what's worse eyeball eyeball eyeball for sure is
00:41:34
worse yeah if someone pops out of a [ __ ] eyeball yeah yeah by the way leg's not that bad by the way that opens
00:41:41
up some more room for you that's true that's not a problem at all yeah but like if you have one leg here right and you're trying oh
00:41:51
seeds seeds DSO one daily symbiotic supports healthy regularity healthy motility and ease of evacuation I gotta
00:41:58
tell you everyone poops right Bob you poop I poop almost everybody on the show poops except for Pete and that's okay
00:42:04
we've talked about it to him because he needs seed all right and I gotta tell you you want healthy movements you want
00:42:09
to promote Digestive Health uh for healthy regularity in the ease of bloating you want reinforced healthy stool hydration and ease of evacuation
00:42:15
there's no good way to talk about this but you want to be clean and feel healthy and all the way pushed through well ds01 daily symbiotic has that for
00:42:24
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00:42:34
gotta tell you I've been using some seed and I feel good I'm not joking I drink it in the morning I have my little
00:42:40
coffee and boy oh boy do I get movers loves it it is really good uh CSI one daily symbiotic has four specific probiotic strains that have been shown to promote healthy skin and reinforce a healthy gut skin axis I want that I want
00:42:54
clean sparkly shiny skin when we're on the road in front of our fans and I also want my gut to feel good and be empty
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00:43:17
if you could if you had to lose a limb what are you losing what do you mean well if the universe was like you're
00:43:22
gonna have to lose a limb right now to stay alive we're gonna take one from you what are considered limbs
00:43:29
you have four can I tell you you're a limb no why because it's an ear because it sticks out it's an ear I know what's the definition of a limb on the human body but it's just arms and legs let me
00:43:41
just to see the definition real quick The Only Exception is a bat's Wing an arm Bird's Wing oh arm and leg a
00:43:47
personal or a four-legged animal so it's your arms and your legs those are your limbs or a wing well you don't have
00:43:53
wings buddy okay that's true sometimes I feel my tailbone in the shower and I wish we still had a
00:43:59
tail that'd be cool I think about how fun that would be yeah I wouldn't you don't want a tail it's too telling
00:44:05
of what like if you're happy but what if you are trying to play cool oh because your tail will go up with emotion it'll
00:44:12
be lagging and you feel like it's really small I'm not that excited right now because when you see a cat like my cat Bojo will stick his tail up and it'll
00:44:18
start shaking that's him saying hello he's stoked he's stoked he can't wait to see you yeah yeah and then when it Puffs out they're like defensive and shocked
00:44:26
and like ready to fight that's true it's too much of a tell but you could you control your tail maybe humans could
00:44:31
adapt and control it what I would love is you know a kangaroos they can lean on it they bounce on it whoa you ever seen this they use it as Force kangaroos when
00:44:39
they go to kick can lean on the weight of their tail and kick with their legs That's How Strong their [ __ ] tail is
00:44:44
it's a muscle interesting wouldn't that be nice yeah if you wanted to sit back and have a snack somewhere yeah sorry
00:44:50
man there's no seats left I'm I'm good yeah you lean back on your tail my friend told me kangaroos have five vaginas six six no I have no idea
00:45:00
I've never heard that before in my life you know there's three vaginas isn't that crazy do you know kangaroos have
00:45:06
three vagina what Bobby's going to Australia one for babies one for sex and one for pooping I think that's like humans isn't it no no no I only have one interesting the common connection for
00:45:16
three vaginas they have side vaginas sperm travels up these oh so they're not openings they're just that you get hit
00:45:22
you can't hit it from the side and you don't know let me tell you if she takes one of those legs off before you hook up okay middle vagina the Joey
00:45:30
travels down so the baby travels down the middle one the side vaginas are sperm that seems pretty logical
00:45:36
is there pleasure for kangaroos any animal they love it dolphins have sex for fun yeah okay so
00:45:44
there's pleasure Summit that's cool I mean the one I learned about that'll blow your mind is um the female duck
00:45:50
and what is it not only do animals enjoy the deed they also have orgasms some of them difficult to measure directly but
00:45:55
watching facial expressions body movement muscle relaxation scientists concluded animals it can reach pleasure I'll tell you one that blows your mind a
00:46:02
duck vagina look up a duck vagina this is one of the most like complex things on planet Earth look at this it's a
00:46:08
corkscrew right okay and the reason that they have it like this is to thwart off unwanted suitors so a duck has an
00:46:15
internal defense mechanism against other Ducks dicks that are trying to get in there trying to get it so it's a corkscrew so they can unwind the screw
00:46:23
for someone that they want in there let me ask you something does it kick the penis out of the vagina well the duck
00:46:28
penis has to adapt to it look at that you can see zoom in right it is also corkscrewy so it's like a key if it doesn't fit in
00:46:34
the key slot I still come just as long as I come I'm fine right I mean it's it's impressive it's impressive so that's the yeah right that's a duck penis right there whoa
00:46:45
whoa It's a corkscrew whoa you can open wine with it as well I feel like Tony Hinchcliffe has a penis like that for some reason yeah oh that's interesting a little
00:46:58
Corkscrew my friend anyway uh let's not talk about animal vaginas anymore all right all right how did we get from
00:47:04
wherever oh with the leg my left leg you're gonna remove your left leg yes I'll go to the left leg so why left
00:47:10
that's interesting because that's my weakest leg right my right leg is a stronger one yeah I need both arms to
00:47:16
play video games and to do drive and other things but imagine you're look I'm not taking a shot at you okay you're not
00:47:22
that good at video games you're good but you're not that good okay but if you had no arms and you play with your feet you
00:47:28
could be you know what I mean like the Special Olympics yeah all right wow so that's the thing to think okay you haven't thought about what would you lose well I'm thinking arm only because
00:47:38
we might have the technology to make a really cool bionic no you're not allowed to do that
00:47:44
you can't do these asterisks and what would you rather you can't do the million dollar man thing yeah yeah I
00:47:49
want to shoot lasers you can you can kiddo and we're gonna get you some lasers but you got you can't you can't
00:47:55
do it with the hope that it's gonna get fixed this is a permanent fixture you lose it it's gone I still think arm because a fake leg I could hobble up on
00:48:02
stage but I could still use my arms and stand it uh I guess oh wait no then it would be leg
00:48:09
you'd be leg Yeah because you need you need your uh yeah yeah and I'd be really good at [ __ ] yeah yeah I mean you can
00:48:16
fake perform with a fake leg wear jeans what's wrong with the fake arm though people many people have fake arms on stage and you don't because you know how would you know what do you mean
00:48:28
they make arms that look look up a good news you could tell it's shiny you can't tell these days dude they're so good
00:48:34
look at that look at that look let me look that's incredible a prosthetic arm yeah
00:48:41
this guy brings up a severance from Halloween yeah yeah no good prosthetic arm yeah good yeah because they're all like mechanical looking they're not human looking that's what I would like a human
00:48:53
one or a mechanic a mechanic yeah that's what I'm saying but you know what you could get is a Power Glove okay the
00:48:58
seconds are really good the bodyguards with the fake arms yeah the bodyguards the fake arms do you know about this yeah I know that dude that looks fake
00:49:06
dude no it doesn't yeah who does that just all day long bodyguards okay that looks real to me see she doesn't know she never knew
00:49:17
about this juicy doesn't know about the fake arm bodyguard because he has a gun pointed right here whoa
00:49:23
isn't that so that's awesome and he's gonna kill Melania in that photo but they took it right before they stopped him right yeah thank God isn't that
00:49:29
crazy that that's what that's what that is he's got a gun pointed out at any moment that's like the thing where you you do those shirts that's right why
00:49:37
can't you just have them out I mean I think oh that guy has a sniper that guy it's Optics they don't want people to
00:49:44
get freaked out by this isn't Russia you can just March around with [ __ ] guns at public events people but no one would
00:49:49
attempt it if you had guns out a bazooka imagine that you're walking down the president's here
00:49:57
sure we're going to shoot guns in Texas hell yeah I won't do it you are you have to why do I know they asked for you
00:50:03
specifically are you being real yes they want there then okay good specifically the best [ __ ] best trick
00:50:09
invented gunpowder that's all I know because if they had the inclination and they just went further like the white people did because what the white people do is take the [ __ ] gunpowder go no we can make these weapons of war
00:50:28
this and that the Chinese didn't do it okay what do you mean okay what don't blame the whites
00:50:33
don't blame the whites who created guns who who was the first gun fabricated off I guarantee you it was China
00:50:41
the first Firearms can be traced back to 10th Century China Chinese the first invent gunpowder historian typically credit the first guns As Weapons of the
00:50:48
Chinese okay cut it out don't [ __ ] put that on us that's true yeah you [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:50:54
how come they let people take over I don't think White's invented any weapons if you want to be honest Chinese with
00:51:00
guns Native Americans with bow and arrows and Spears uh uh Bazookas uh were Filipinos believe it or not [Laughter] [Music]
00:51:13
you know we invented torture they have like torture mechanisms were probably the whites that's Western European chaos
00:51:19
who by the way I stand corrected who invented who invented the Canon because that's maybe the coolest [ __ ]
00:51:25
weapon that's a pretty good one they were like could we throw a bowling ball out of this the cannon was invented
00:51:32
Chinese dude oh the Turks the Canon through the Chinese eventually started using gunpower weapon in 10th Century
00:51:37
it's the Turks who get the credit for Farmland gunpowder to high enough quality be used effectively in combat the cannon appeared in Europe beginning
00:51:43
in 1200 so it was wow the Turks God bless the Turks dude put a bowling ball on that thing shoot
00:51:48
it at a boat yeah imagine the moment they were shooting guns at boats right they were shooting and it wasn't doing [ __ ] it
00:51:55
wasn't doing anything in the boat yeah so some guy was like What if we have a big bullet that was just some guys like a bowling
00:52:03
ball oh I was thinking uh ping pong no I wanted like a bowling ball no holes yeah
00:52:10
and then you would have to light it right a wick yep oh yeah you know it's like a weapon huh the catapult
00:52:18
sick who's the first [ __ ] go shoot me out of it you know no you know what it was because they did it right Evil
00:52:23
Knievel whatever those guys no you know how that originally started one guy in the group that they hated they were like
00:52:28
will you sit on this thing no not the Catapult no they didn't they put don't human beings go in cannons yeah Evil Knievel that's what I'm saying it's like who why because it looks
00:52:41
awesome yeah I mean it looks like he I mean it looks awesome but imagine being in the tube freaking out freaking the [ __ ] out I
00:52:47
mean I think it's so rare that Evil Knievel had the balls to just do that yeah get shot out of a cannon yeah I
00:52:52
mean that guy why come we don't have Daredevils anymore I know but Daredevil but those guys aren't going off the side of of the Niagara Falls in a barrel yeah but
00:53:04
they're throwing those in front of crocodiles and stuff that's yeah it's like I don't know I want more like old-timey stuff where you like jump off
00:53:10
a train you know right you know like the bat it blows up when Dynamite you jump off a tree yeah
00:53:15
no one does Evil Knievel nobody on a motocross bike jumps you know 50 cars or whatever like he used to like in the old
00:53:21
west when they hide they tied the lady to the train tracks yeah imagine that death yeah
00:53:28
oh my God the fear imagine okay here you are in the Old West juicy is tied to the train tracks help help it says on the screen because you can't say that because it's a it's not a
00:53:39
talkie you know help help where am I where am I the wild west you're never I never wear you're looking right now you're right next to me you're 100 yards a football field away do I have my um
00:53:51
switch you got your switch all right so I'm playing games you're playing games and a steam engine
00:53:57
you gotta have a bubble because Boba makes me tired yeah the steam engine is rolling right and juicy help help and look there she is
00:54:08
yeah but I have my earphones on oh you can't hear it okay and the train just that's it yeah you'd let her you let her
00:54:15
go no you know I would help for like 10 seconds but then once I realized I can't do it I would run you don't know how to untie a knot I know yeah you know what I would say though
00:54:26
I'm sorry that's nice when you say that I'm sorry I'm sorry farewell like be very nice about it there was a guy in my college in college there was a guy in my town in Tempe who had a a cow Pusher on
00:54:39
the front of his car and I thought that was one of the funniest things you know on steam engine they have those the slope thing on the front of a train
00:54:45
that's a cow it's a cow mover or a cow Pusher on a train but he had one on his [ __ ] SUV that thing cow catcher wow
00:54:53
because cows are just wander on the tracks I thought that thing is for they just move cows out of the way that does that thing on the front of its [ __ ]
00:54:59
steam engine that's what that's for to just get cows off the train tracks it would kill them no no it doesn't it like
00:55:04
shoves them aside oh wow the trains used to run over them all the time so they had to invent this thing because the
00:55:10
[ __ ] would wander around so they would but a guy in my neighborhood had like his makeshift version on his SUV
00:55:15
crazy and now that I think about it that guy was something was wrong yeah yeah I
00:55:20
thought it was great in college so sick but he had one on his [ __ ] Ford Explorer it was kind of cool I don't know why I mean he you know he had mental health issues yeah I've never
00:55:31
even been next to a cow you've never been next to a cow I've driven down the freeway like you know
00:55:37
when you're going up to like San Francisco whatever and you see a couple of cows and you go look cow we need to milk a cow on the tour I will not touch
00:55:43
one why I'm not good you don't even know I don't even jerk off good yeah is it the same style it's down
00:55:50
instead of out oh I see have you milked a cow I think in school I did a long time ago what I remember doing something
00:55:57
it was elementary school yeah yeah yeah we did like a farm field trip and you had to milk a cow yeah it's weird feeling but you gotta do it I like it dude I think it's rad I saw a pig got
00:56:08
slaughtered once okay oh my gosh Jesus live yeah it was terrible did you eat it yeah I'm so hungry so hungry you know I'm not even like it's not even a joke I know I was semencia back in the day
00:56:22
Carlos Mencia took me to Honduras and one more he goes hey bro we're gonna slow the pig now I'm sleeping no thank
00:56:29
you you're gonna do it do this experience they tie this thing from Beyond you know I mean and then they the
00:56:34
neck and it's doing this thing and I just went back to sleep but that didn't make you stop eating pig I ate it like
00:56:39
an hour later yeah yeah it was very delicious but I've thought about seeing animals and being
00:56:46
like man I shouldn't eat meat me too but it's hard it's so hard not to you think we can try to do it at some point
00:56:52
together as a team going vegan just veg vegan's tough fish we'll do fish that's pescatarian okay yeah that's out no we can do that we can do fish yeah that
00:57:03
that would be veg not vegan you can't do vegan because I want I want cheese and [ __ ] would do cheese eggs yeah yeah and
00:57:10
fish is a pescatarian yeah and steak at least once yeah and then maybe a couple times chicken if we're hungry for it yeah and
00:57:18
turkey is fine probably right and this sandwich form right and ham sometimes in certainly why don't we just amputate
00:57:24
certain parts and keep the chicken alive like uh think about it organ donor no just a leg we take a leg off right we eat that but they're still alive
00:57:34
I guess that's probably yeah like you can take all the limbs off and we put them a little like little like a
00:57:39
roly-poly thing you know with wheels and stuff and do you think they can live beyond that now or no what do you mean
00:57:45
aren't you that's just they're gonna die then no they're not how do they get any resources we've eaten so they have to
00:57:51
just sit there and get fat yeah they're like that's not more inhumane to just stop no they're like um Stephen hawkingy
00:57:57
kind of oh chickens so chicken and wheelchairs that's what we've named the farm Stephen Hawkins Farm Stephen King
00:58:03
and all the animals just have limbs missing okay right and we're not killing them right give them great lives we give
00:58:09
them massages why do they need to get massage because they're so depressed we took their legs
00:58:14
all right well you know what we should do what kill them what are we doing just kill him they can still have a happy life if you fed them you put a [ __ ]
00:58:21
iPad in front of them show them [ __ ] give me something like what something I just in my mind imagine
00:58:29
like giving a chicken an iPhone and it has a tick tock account in like a week and it's getting more streams than we
00:58:35
are for some reason just an idea guys sorry no no I like it let's not kill it let's just amputate it yeah but let me
00:58:41
ask you this if you take one leg who's eating the leg I am I'm starving okay so he gets a leg right yeah one chicken
00:58:48
there's other chickens Millions there's millions of chickens we looked this up one time in the show how many chickens are on there millions of chickens man
00:58:54
there's way too many this is why I don't feel bad 33 billion wow are there supposed to be that many or are we just breeding them to eat then I don't know but I gotta tell you that's the most populous bird in the world
00:59:07
conditions they live in is terrible I mean we gotta [ __ ] do something man well what should we look at that it's
00:59:12
that's [ __ ] Auschwitz for animals oh I can't eat chicken I'm terrible I mean think about it it's [ __ ]
00:59:20
terrible man yeah but they might like it no they don't they don't like it they don't like it I promise you they don't
00:59:25
like it how if you talk to a chicken I have huh okay [Laughter] it is bad it's so bad okay let's move to something that's more a little bit more happy Ben Affleck speaking Spanish
00:59:38
sounds great I gotta tell you maybe that's gonna turn me bright on would you learn a language for a girl
00:59:44
no ladies no never I just wouldn't be able to do it I can barely speak English you know I can't even pronounce certain
00:59:50
words would you learn a different language for a guy if a guy was like let's say you met you met like an El
00:59:55
Salvadorian kid or something and I fell in love well I don't [ __ ] know how deep you are in this thing it's
01:00:01
just getting started yeah if I fell in love with somebody I would learn their language yeah but I'm just saying not
01:00:07
love you like them this is going on for a couple months now and he's like I enjoy time with you but wait wait wait does he have Down syndrome
01:00:19
I said it was El Salvador oh yeah I love my time with you will you will learn my language maybe while I learn English will you learn my
01:00:32
language I'm gonna stop you right there I can't understand anything you're saying okay you know what I'm gonna do what I'm gonna learn your language
01:00:39
she's willing to give yeah she's willing what about you you met you're right you're not married yeah right you met a
01:00:45
a beautiful woman no gorgeous huh connected yeah right but she's from a you know a tribe in Africa foreign
01:01:03
trying to fall for somebody yeah depends on the language oh I see if it's a hot you know French girl yeah yeah that's a
01:01:10
sexy language sexy language yeah if it's German probably not yeah I'm probably gonna
01:01:15
stick to English because of all the atrocities and crimes that they had towards Humanity Vietnamese
01:01:25
no but I think if it depends on the language I think that's my point it depends on the language yeah that's true
01:01:31
you know like Portuguese Portuguese beautiful I wish I could learn let's learn that yeah I do that it just
01:01:37
depends you know like Canadian I try if I fell in love with I could learn their language yeah it's French or English
01:01:42
Canadians yeah that's like a whole different language up there we're just there dude
01:01:47
you communicated with those people yeah I couldn't understand a word that they were saying
01:01:53
yeah not a thing yeah yeah I want to share you a text message that I got this is little humble brag but this made me feel good okay it was nice to get
01:02:04
this hey you probably don't remember this but one time I was working with you and I was poor as [ __ ] at the time I was
01:02:11
wearing beat up shoes and you looked at me and you said player needs a new pair of shoes and a couple of days later you came back
01:02:18
and gave me a few pairs of Circa skate shoes just wanted to say congrats on your success times are much better for
01:02:25
me now I want to say thank you so much stoked to see you're doing well and then he sent a link to his band that
01:02:30
he plays in but I thought that I was like oh man that makes it gonna make me cry about but he remembered it and I was like and it I didn't I didn't remember
01:02:37
it yeah but it wasn't because that's the thing I'm saying is like it's not for you to remember it's you did the cool
01:02:42
thing they'll remember it yeah I remember Annie what she may not remember me [ __ ] that no eat know who I am
01:02:48
yeah but she was nice for no reason and was like those guys suck yeah you're cool man don't [ __ ] could I one last one then yeah Jimmy Schubert yeah I moved here from LA and my I I have no
01:03:02
place to live because a guy lied to me so for two weeks I slept in my [ __ ] um I had a truck with no window in it
01:03:08
and they let me park in the parking lot at The Comedy Store yeah and we sleep in the front and then one day I get a knock
01:03:15
on the win the side that has the window because the other side anyway with Jimmy
01:03:20
Schubert and I go hey what's up and he goes you hungry there you go yeah he goes let me buy you
01:03:27
some breakfast and I will always remember that yeah those little gestures of like
01:03:34
of love and somebody being nice to you and kind to you and then I remember years later I was doing New Year's and I
01:03:41
go no Jimmy has to do New Years with me because I was kind of a name back you know I was mad tv and stuff like that and me and Jimmy headline we split the
01:03:48
money and then I got him a nice hotel room not at the condo but uh Colonial yeah and I set it up for him he was with
01:03:54
a girl and it was a fun weekend but um you never forget things like that so what we're saying is now that you're on
01:04:01
the rise you're becoming a saint I know where this is going yeah you better start
01:04:06
doing nice [ __ ] for us yeah for you guys yeah yeah this is what I'm gonna do what I want you guys to have my bad friends
01:04:12
money you got it you got it all right I'm gonna go to the store tonight and get it
01:04:18
okay together for us all right hey yeah that's enough of that thank you thank you for being a bad friend [Music]
01:04:44
foreign