00:00:00
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:07
are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. How about you? Do you go to car therapy,
00:00:13
Carlos? Weekly. You do? Yeah. Yeah. For seven years. Oh, wow. Yeah. What do your therapist say?
00:00:18
Uh, you must have had like notepad over not I mean, you know, one of those scient You know those Yeah. Like FBI, CIA, you
00:00:25
know what I mean? Boards. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a hot girl and she gives me Molly. That's not a therapist.
00:00:32
It's a stripper you're seeing. This is a stick. This is a sticker for my where I go. It's a large M.
00:00:37
Fantasy therapy. What is it called? California what? Center for Psychedelic Therapy. Oh my god.
00:00:42
Yeah. It's great. I love it. That's so embarrassing. So, what you did Austin, then you did Vegas.
00:00:47
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to a game in Austin, hung my family, then Vegas for a wedding in Austin. Uh, what else did you
00:00:52
do there? You're not giving us the details. I know there's something else. There's things going on in your life and we want
00:00:58
to know. Well, I did I did match with a girl recently. Yeah. And it was the girl that we brought on
00:01:04
stage in Houston. Ooh. I don't remember her. I don't remember her. She's kind of Asian-y.
00:01:10
And like Yeah. But like it's like 80% white, 20%
00:01:16
Asian. So Oh, that's a good That's a good mix. That's a good mix. 80 white 20. So a little Asian. Yeah.
00:01:21
Yeah. What does it show? I just the eyes are not completely
00:01:26
there, you know, there's an angle to them. Like sharp like a sharp.
00:01:32
Yeah. Like when the eyes were being developed in the wound, the Asian, you say in the wound.
00:01:37
Womb. It's womb. Carlos for years thought it was the wound. It's inside your wound.
00:01:43
Yeah, that's a vagina. Carlos, it's a wound. I've heard it goes inside your wound. But you she you follow her, Bobby.
00:01:50
I do? Yeah. It's Marissa. Toé. Oh, no. I No, no. I know who you're talking about.
00:01:56
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And did you Did you link up? Bring her up on the thing so I can see what she looks like. We're not
00:02:01
pull up her name, her last name. Uh, no. She ghosted me and then Exactly. Yeah.
00:02:06
No, but she followed me on Instagram, so we're doing okay. Okay. You getting ghosted a lot lately? What's going on?
00:02:11
Yeah, it's all a numbers game. Yeah, I remember at the show. I now remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad became
00:02:23
She's cute. Yeah, she's cute. So you She ghosted you. She ghosted me, but then I think she responded cuz it was easy cuz I was
00:02:29
already back in LA. Ah, like Oh, she waited to knew you till she knew you were gone. Yeah. Smart. Smart girl.
00:02:34
It is smart. Yeah. So, I'm going to try and trap her into a date in Austin. Yeah. I I think we should move to the
00:02:40
Midwest. Where do you want to go? It's a It's a better dating pool. Oh, it is for sure. Yeah. Every date I go on here is just like,
00:02:46
"You want to listen to my EP?" No, it's not good. It's not good. It's never good.
00:02:51
They don't say EP anymore. Oh, whatever. Yeah. But Oh, do you want You want to see my paintings? It's never
00:02:56
good. What do they say if they don't say EP? What do you mean? They say Yeah, EP. Be like, uh, go to my like Soundcloud or whatever.
00:03:02
Okay. They wouldn't be like, "Here's like a record." Uh, well, I bet you some of the East Side girls probably are like, "Yeah, the
00:03:08
East." They press it, dude. I didn't know they were pressing. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Eagle Rock girls. Come on, dude.
00:03:14
They'd be pressing. They They'd be pressing. They absolutely be pressing Michael. Yeah. I mean that's okay. So that's the
00:03:20
prototype of I think who what I want to marry. Oh, you mean really hot?
00:03:27
Yeah. Yeah. Hot. Really hot. Notice nothing about your past. This has always been your the mix Asian
00:03:32
thing is your key. That's your key demo. I've dated. You've seen You've met. I know. That's what you love the most.
00:03:37
It's I love it. Yeah. Because Kalila was mixed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um other girls were mixed that
00:03:43
other girls mixed. You know, I dated some mixies. Yeah. Yeah. Because full is a lot. It's too much.
00:03:48
Well, it's heavy. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? It's heavy. Well, because if you go meet parents and
00:03:53
they're both whites. Yeah. That's a lot of defense you got to play. I know. But if one of them is part of your
00:03:59
lineage in anyway, if you got like the Asian dad, you're like, "How you doing?" Yeah. You know, like at least you got a little
00:04:04
in. But if it's two whites, that's a lot of danger. Also, there's bullying going on because like I remember when I was dating Sarah
00:04:09
Highland, she she she lived she was from Louisville, Kentucky, our favorite. And we went one dinner.
00:04:15
One dinner I came to the dinner, family dinner. Everyone was wearing kimonos.
00:04:20
Well, that's respectful. They were. That's respectful. And then they had a tight Hello Kitty
00:04:26
shirt for me, so I put it on. It was really Everyone laughed. That's cute. It is cute, right? But it's like it
00:04:32
would have been nice if there was another Asian there. Yeah. Oh, you're the only one. I was the only one. Yeah. They should have brought another one in.
00:04:37
Just hire one just to be there. And when the grandma her grandmother didn't really like me that much. Yeah. But you I did a little Asian thing.
00:04:45
I have Asian technique for them to like me. I went to the grand piano and I started playing
00:04:50
cuz I knew she was in the living room and then I can see her trying starting to like me. Right.
00:04:55
You got to bring it. You either do that or do your taekwondo something. You have to tell them you have Asian skills. I think
00:05:01
get your abacus out of your car and Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:06
Wait till you see. Dude, I was at the wedding last night. My good buddy. What a fun little beautiful wedding.
00:05:11
Can I ask you Can I ask you what skaters were there? Yes. No, it was of course there skaters cuz Sean is a phenomenal skater.
00:05:17
Mhm. Eric Cton's one of his closest friends. Frosty. He's always around. He's a good dude. Are you nice? Cuz I have a Eric Cen
00:05:23
story. We know each other. I know. I play golf with him a few times. Oh, you have? Okay. Yeah. Why you don't like Eric? Long long time ago, I went to a skate
00:05:31
party. Rut wrong. What did you do? Nothing. And I met I someone tried to
00:05:36
introduce me to him and he was really cold to you. To me and I remember walking away from that going I hate that guy.
00:05:43
It's one of the best. But back then I I don't know maybe it was because I'm I was I'm a weird guy. Yeah. You are very weird.
00:05:49
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know I you know I come I come to a party you know shifty you know. Yeah. A little shifty.
00:05:55
I'm a shifty little guy. You know what I mean? But I remember coming out of what it's very urban like crackheady.
00:06:01
Yeah. I was like what's that man? Right. Very skate style. That is crack. That's crack. Nollie, huh?
00:06:06
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Switch. Switch. Switch. Which one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Laser flips, dude. You love them.
00:06:13
Hard flip, dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, like I think maybe was my shifty vibe. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes you meet
00:06:18
somebody and you know, you don't know what people are going through. You're right. You don't know what he's You don't know. But I always take it
00:06:23
personally and I walk away from them going, "I need revenge." Yeah. May I write down what I'm going to
00:06:29
do? Cuz you want to be woripped. That's right. Praise. Worship. That's what the boy needs. And that's No. No. I want to be treated like a
00:06:35
human being, dude. Not true. I want to be acknowledged as a human being. Like a normal celebrity. No, no, no. What I'm saying is is that
00:06:42
Oh, that hurt. Gearing him up. Yeah, you got me geared up, Dad. You're gearing him up, dude. Well, I know. That's why you want to go to the Midwest, too. Less competition
00:06:48
with celebrities. Oo, he's getting geared up. That's what I I think that, too, though. I I know what you're thinking. Gearing up the Bobo.
00:06:55
I'm on Rya, right? Yep. And a girl's on Rya. Bradley Cooper. Bobby Lee. Which one?
00:07:01
Carlos. Are you Oh, yeah. You're on there, too. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I got to say I think Bradley.
00:07:08
Just honest. Yeah. I I think Bradley. Honest guess. Yeah. Honest guess. No. Yeah. There was a bunch of cool
00:07:14
skaters there. Yeah. Just guys that like I grew up like loving from when I was It's just such a weird It's awesome. It's a weird thing
00:07:20
to be friends with. Guys that you're like Yeah. You know, and we It was awesome wedding. It was [ __ ] beautiful. Everyone was
00:07:26
so rad and nice cuz you know, like we don't I don't know I don't know his family that well. Yeah. So, it was really
00:07:32
What's the mix of the family? What do you mean? What is he? Oh, interesting. Filipino. I don't know. I'm not going to tell you.
00:07:38
Oh, yeah. There's some mix though. There is a mix. Yeah. A brown. He's not a fully. Yeah, there's a brownie. There's some
00:07:44
brownie in there. No. Mhm. What What are What are you being so mysterious about? I don't know.
00:07:50
Okay. Yeah, there's a mix. There's a mix. There's mixed family. Yeah. It was rad though. And everyone was super [ __ ] cool to us
00:07:56
and very nice and it was a beautiful wedding venue. It's one of those moments where you're like, and you know what's so funny about skater weddings is that
00:08:02
you know, no matter what you wear, you're good. Ah, because everyone's wearing cool [ __ ] Like there there isn't this weird
00:08:08
expectation for like anybody to to like go out of their way to be like I got to make sure. It's like no, they just want
00:08:14
you to look cool, be casual, and have a little bit of have a little bit of Let me say something. If I have a
00:08:21
wedding, dress up. No, no, they did. You know, I'm saying this incorrectly. Let me guess. What I'm trying to say is
00:08:27
like the vibe was very like no tuxedos. It was like cool clothes. It was like how Ron Howard dresses,
00:08:34
right? Like when he's drinking like a suit but a t-shirt and a ball cap. Ron Howard
00:08:39
style. Yeah. It was like skaters. They all have great style. So it was just like cool. Like this one dude had a [ __ ] super wild green suit on. It looked so sick.
00:08:47
And like some dudes had just the dopest gear. I was like And also wearing Vans. Like rocking Vans. Yeah. They dress so good.
00:08:53
They just have good skaters have the best [ __ ] style, dude. They do. They just have like this vibe of like they pull it off. It's It looks
00:08:59
wellto-do and then still casual as [ __ ] but it's still dressy. Yeah. Like this dude uh um this dude Cole from
00:09:07
Metalwood, he had this just dope ass purple suit on and I was like this [ __ ] it was so fly. Like Dumb and Dumber.
00:09:14
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just looked so fly. I wore a traditional black suit. So I just That's all I wear
00:09:19
to weddings. Yeah. I only wear black. You look good. Just black. Well, cuz look at this. I can't What color are you going to maltto? was like, "Colors are option.
00:09:26
What color do you want to do, dude? You like a bright color?" And I was like, "It's going to be black, bud. I can't wear Look at this.
00:09:31
I have to go to Jimmy out. You know that that this is suits for 5'4" or less
00:09:38
on Ventura. I have to go there now. And whenever I'm there, they're like, "Yeah, Seth Seth Green just came in." Like all
00:09:45
the smaller actors, you know, I mean, Brad Williams just picked up three suits. Tom Cruz. Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:51
You see what it's called? It's Joe Peshy, Patino, Elijah Wood, Tom Cruz, Kevin Hart. Dude, brother, you're
00:09:57
Michael J. Fox. You are in good. You're in good company. They all go to that Jimmy Ow's place. Jimmy's short. What's it called?
00:10:03
See, see what what that place is called? Cuz I love the guy cuz he's always there. What is it? Big and tall. Is it small and short? Jimmy, small and shorts. Dave
00:10:11
Franco. A lot of guys that are under 5'8. No. Um,
00:10:16
how about suits 5'4 or less? Um, Sherman Oaks.
00:10:25
So funny. No tailoring needed. Yeah. Hello. Hello.
00:10:30
Hello. Hello. Hello. Uncle Lou. I brought you five cheeseburgers.
00:10:38
Are you being real? I brought you five. Thank you. Wow. Did you really go to Bob's? Wow.
00:10:44
Let him sit in that blue chair. Lou. Lou. Wow. Lou. This is This is extravagance.
00:10:49
Yeah. So, it's kind of a [ __ ] up story because I wanted a cheeseburger.
00:10:56
Yeah. So, you brought five of them. That's it. Yeah. No, I was I I was
00:11:01
looking for I don't know like an In-N-Out or something. I was kind of in a hurry and I needed I cuz I need to eat
00:11:06
before a certain hour. I wake up in a in a cold sweat if I eat too late. So, did you eat?
00:11:12
So, so I went into Bob's. I was like, "Oh, this is like a family burger." Like, cool. Right. So I go in and I said
00:11:17
and I pictured coming here with a bag a paper bag full of burgers. Yeah.
00:11:23
And just going, "Here everybody, have some burgers." And I sat down and I ate uh Bob's Big
00:11:28
Burger. Yeah. And it was really disgusting. And I got a vanilla shake, but I had a
00:11:34
paper straw, so I couldn't drink it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they gave me the burgers in this [ __ ] horrible I thought I wanted
00:11:40
it to be like an oldfashioned like cops uh you know. Is it as bad as I
00:11:46
Mine was? Yeah, they're bad. Lou, can I eat it later? Once you leave, can I eat it once you
00:11:51
leave? The whole thing was a mistake. He has three over there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here. No, no, he will eat those.
00:11:57
No, I'm on Oympic. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. I like that being OMIC on Ozmpic is like being kosher or something.
00:12:04
Yeah, it is. I mean, he did throw up for the first like two weeks he was on it. It was tough. No, I had to switch from Ozic to Wiggoi.
00:12:10
We're on WGO. I'm on WGO now. You don't do that [ __ ] You would never never.
00:12:16
[ __ ] that. I don't know. I would if it was a good idea, but I don't think it's terrible. I think it's uh that you're going to die
00:12:22
from that. You think you really do? No, I don't. Of course not. Being an [ __ ] No, I I uh don't I don't like I
00:12:29
get nervous about things like that going and you know that change how you feel or that change you neurologically.
00:12:35
Oh, neurologically. And also I like the fight I'm in with weight and stuff. Yeah. Like it. It's something to lean against,
00:12:42
you know. I think you lost weight. No. Oh. Oh, thank Dude. He was doing, you know, he was
00:12:48
setting us up. That's all he wanted to say. You look so slender. Me? Well, I've been working out and eating
00:12:54
more. Oh, that's good. Good. Yeah. Yeah. When you do when you separate and you start working out more
00:12:59
and eating less, you're really hurting yourself. Uh, so I'm just going like I'm more
00:13:04
exercise. Yeah. So, let's lay it on. What's What's the one exercise that you
00:13:09
actually enjoy? because none of them are that enjoyable. I kind of like the way it all feels. You do? Yeah.
00:13:15
[ __ ] I don't know. I can't get through it lately. I guess maybe it's also the if the depression exercise is like I'm
00:13:20
doing it because I know I need to do it. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. Cuz I want to do it. How old are you?
00:13:25
42. Yeah. I mean, it sure starts changing. I'm 58. It starts changing. Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:31
What happens? Start feeling different. I mean, you just sort of like get philosophical about it and you go like, I like the way
00:13:36
it feels when my body heats up because I'm going on like uphill treadmill or whatever. I'm stairmaster
00:13:42
and if I don't want to do it, I just don't do I never do it if I don't want to. See, I do that all the time. And I'm starting to eat whatever I want.
00:13:48
Like what do we What do you mean? Doesn't matter. Just eat it. Because somebody is
00:13:54
explaining this to me that if you prohibit, you're in this constant tension that you then have to binge to
00:14:01
release. But if you just go like whatever I want, I'm going to eat it when I want it. What happens is your
00:14:08
body goes like that [ __ ] hurt. That actually hurt. That was not a good idea. And then that memory makes you go, "Oh
00:14:14
yeah, I don't want that this time. I want less things than I used to." You know what I mean? Oh yeah. You get hunger pains at night?
00:14:21
No. You don't? You wait. He's still thinking about the old world. No, what I'm saying is is that late at
00:14:27
night sometimes I'm like, "Should I get a sandwich?" No. Well, here's the difference. You're not explaining. He stays up all night.
00:14:32
So, he'll be up at four or five and he It's now been seven hours. It's important to me to go to sleep and stay asleep. So, if I if I eat too close
00:14:40
to bedtime, Yeah. I wake up in the at like 3:00 in the morning and it sweat cuz my body's
00:14:45
trying to digest and it doesn't. You think it's a white thing? Excuse me for saying Well, you mean white versus you?
00:14:54
You mean white in a way that you're not? I I think our bodies are different. That's all. They are. That's true.
00:14:59
Yeah. Yeah. Well, but you stay up all night. Yeah, I do. But because I you know I am uh an Asian thing or
00:15:04
I think it's an Asian thing. Are you Korean? I don't know anything about Yeah, that's a good guess.
00:15:10
Thank you. Yeah, because when white people guess, they never get it right. You could be Chinese.
00:15:16
Could I be? I almost said you could have Chinese.
00:15:22
Yeah, you could have Chinese. But that was a really good guess. Korean. Yeah, there's like four. I mean, what's No, there's a bunch. So there's Thai
00:15:29
Cambodia. I know. I know. Yeah. Hear it on purpose. Yeah. That was really good.
00:15:34
You have a gong, so it's fair to talk about this. Yeah. Yeah. Right. You have a gong with a fortune
00:15:39
cat. A fortune cat. Yeah. Yeah. His father made this before he died. That's why we This is an homage to his
00:15:44
father. Really? Yeah. No. But did he make it as a weapon or Yeah. We think about it every time we when we
00:15:51
This is when we remind Yeah. He feels his father. Stop doing that, dude. Okay. It's
00:15:57
[ __ ] weird. If you wanted a good burger, you should have texted us. We would have told you where to go. That's not That's not where to go. I really regret it.
00:16:03
Yeah, that sucks. There's so many good burgers, too. Are you single right now, Louis? Um, no.
00:16:09
Oh, you're seeing somebody? Um, yeah. I'm with somebody very much. Oh, very good.
00:16:14
Very in love with somebody. Oh, that's great. Yeah, somebody I want to be with. Wow. He's looking for love.
00:16:20
No, what I'm saying is that cuz I was curious. Does has do does Louie ever date Asians? Have you ever dated an age
00:16:27
in your life? Yes. Oh, good. Yeah. Very good. Very good. I dated a Korean woman for um a little
00:16:34
while. Yeah. And what did you what what was that experience like? Cuz I've been dating a Korean woman for 6 years now.
00:16:40
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. So, you are Korean? Yeah. Yeah, I am. That's why I said you got it
00:16:45
right. Yeah. Yeah. I thought Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:52
What? Well, one thing cuz she told me, the woman I I dated told me she I I I asked her, "What's your last name?" And
00:16:58
she was like, "I mean, guess. You're going to get it in two guesses." All right. Cuz it's like Lee or Park.
00:17:04
It's true. Like it's only one of them. Yeah. There's some chos. Chose. There's some CHOs. Yeah. Yeah. He's envious of a couple chos. That's
00:17:10
why. But what was it like? So, she was I really liked her very much. She was cool and she was she had an interesting
00:17:18
she was a different she talked about being Korean without my asking her you know it was part of her uh she said that
00:17:25
it was um um there wasn't many in my also she was Korean of my generation
00:17:30
there was nobody she was like in a desert of Koreans in her raised in New Jersey
00:17:36
and she said that she had like two friends and they are still very close because they felt very isolated just
00:17:42
wasn't many people from their culture. But she told me interesting things like that when Korean people say hello, they
00:17:49
say uh when have you eaten or like say have you eaten? Yeah. That's that's their how you doing? What is that? What's it when your mom
00:17:55
says that when we see her? Peekopa. Peekopa. Peopa. Peopa. Yeah. Are you hungry? Are you hungry? Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:01
His mom does. And then Pebbulo is I'm hungry. I'm I'm I'm full. I'm full. Yeah. Yeah. And I know which is penis.
00:18:07
Okay. Donk which is butthole. Jut which is tit. Boji [ __ ] Is there
00:18:14
That's I think that's all I know. Plural for tit. You can only say bogies maybe. Yeah. Boji.
00:18:20
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's like titty titty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then here's another thing I I
00:18:26
learned. Um juke juke. No. Yeah. No. Let me finish.
00:18:31
What? Go. Go. Go. You know what jukejuk is? Yeah. Isn't that jizz? No. No. Jukjuk isn't jizz.
00:18:37
Trying to start a Korean car. Juke. Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:43
Jukjuk is slang for sex. So I asked a Korean guy. I go, "What?
00:18:49
I've never like what? Why juke juke?" He goes, "That's what sex sound like."
00:18:54
Juke. Lots of [ __ ] farts in Korea. Yeah. I guess they're queefing a lot
00:19:00
over there. You know what I mean? But yeah, they are. Yeah. I've never heard juke juke when I'm having sex. No. Well, I
00:19:05
I always hear a Korean guy in the room going juke juke. Yeah. Sitting in the cuff chair.
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safety info. And big thanks to Blue Chu for sponsoring the podcast. So you're in love for that. Yes.
00:22:42
That's great. Yeah. She's great. She's awesome. Yeah. Is there lirance involved?
00:22:48
Uh no, I don't think so. Oh. Oh, really? Okay. I mean both of us are single. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But is there is there
00:22:55
one person more like, you know what I mean, obsessed with the other person? No, I think we feel we feel pretty equal.
00:23:00
Wow. And it's nice, you know, like uh I I heard somebody talking once about like,
00:23:07
you know, I don't want to be the kind of guy who picks girls up at the airport like that. I heard that said as a bad thing,
00:23:13
picking them up at the airport, right? And I've picked her up at the airport. You like her?
00:23:18
Well, how did that one time I was coming home and she goes, "Hey, I could pick you up at the airport." And I'm like, "You don't have to." and she said, "Can
00:23:24
I please pick you up at the airport?" And I was like, "Good. We're we're equal. We're match." It depends on what airport to be honest.
00:23:29
I mean, that is a big piece of it. What you It depends on the airport. I mean, like Oh, for sure. My wife has never
00:23:36
never I mean, but I don't I would It's such an annoyance. I like I don't even want her to because I'm pissed off when
00:23:42
I get to the airport. She's going to show up annoyed. It's like I'd rather you just be chill at home.
00:23:48
Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I Yeah. I don't like it when they don't do the full thing. What do you mean? What?
00:23:53
Let me finish. All right, let me finish. He speaks in limicks. So, yeah.
00:23:59
Let me finish. Okay. All right. Kalila, my ex-girlfriend, she goes, "I'll pick you up from the airport." Right. But
00:24:05
when I would land, she wouldn't be there. And she's like, "I'm stuck in traffic." No. Go. You're right. Right.
00:24:10
Be at the when the escalators go down where the baggage claim is. Be there with a sign.
00:24:16
All right. And then sometimes it's like, "Come to the parking lot because I'm not going to go in. You just have to find my car." No. [ __ ] you.
00:24:22
No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You come to me. You come to me. Yeah. I think that's fair. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, well,
00:24:29
it's not a full endorsement. Yeah. I'm just being polite. Yeah. Um I just don't I just It just I'm doing my
00:24:36
best to travel better now to have a better attitude cuz it's such a nightmare when you get That's horrible.
00:24:41
But that's why whenever she used to do it when we were younger and broke, she was like, you know, you can get a
00:24:46
[ __ ] cab. Yeah. Like you make money out when you Yeah. But you're married. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I'm saying before we were married, when we were dating, she
00:24:53
was like, "Get a [ __ ] cap." I'm saying, "How long you been married for?" Almost 10. Fantastic.
00:24:58
It's fantastic. Yeah. You have kids? No kids. Can't have kids. No. She's got a penis.
00:25:05
No. Okay. I don't know. No, she doesn't. I just Yeah. No. No, she doesn't.
00:25:13
Is it worth it? What? Having children. You have some. I have two. Yeah, that's two. That's some. That is I
00:25:20
think sum is I think sum is three or more. Do you really? A couple is two, sum is three.
00:25:26
Is some three? I think some it's like a series is three or more. It's crazy to teach an Asian math. That's like the wildest [ __ ]
00:25:32
A couple is two, sum is three. It's more cultural social math though. Yeah. Okay. He's bad at all of them.
00:25:37
Sure. Yeah. Okay. So that you have um a couple I have two.
00:25:43
What? It's worth it. I think I think anybody who's on the fence about it should just do it. Really? It's never a mistake. It's
00:25:51
impossible for it to be a mistake. Okay. A person. Yeah. Yeah. For whatever happens.
00:25:57
Wow. Well, your kids are grown like grown grown, right? Like 20 and 23. Wow. Wow.
00:26:02
Out of college. The or at college? Any of them? College. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's [ __ ] great. Cuz I remember your first HBO special,
00:26:09
the half hour. I think that was your first, right? On HBO or No, I did one uh back in the '9s that was
00:26:15
just goofy jokes. But the one I did that was a half hour was all You talked about your kids and stuff. Yeah, that was a great special. Thanks.
00:26:21
Amazing. Thank you. You know, I met you. I I don't You don't remember when I met you? I I think I brought it up the last time I saw you.
00:26:26
Yes. And Matt TV with Lauren. Yeah, I remember. You don't remember meeting me? I do because uh my friend Dino wrote for
00:26:35
you guys. Oh yeah, Dino. And I was on the lot doing something else. I don't remember. Maybe Cedric the Entertainer show.
00:26:40
Yeah, that's right. That's right. And so yeah, I do I used to see you around. But I didn't really We didn't like hang out.
00:26:46
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you write for Cedric's show? I did. You did? Cedric the Entertainer Presents. It's
00:26:52
pretty great, huh? You wrote on that show. I was a writer and co-executive producer. Yeah. Wow.
00:26:57
Give us some Give us some good said bits. Cedric. Yeah. I mean, Cedric was like Jackie Gleason.
00:27:03
He was like a great performer. He's fascinating. He's so fascinating. Yeah. He really like the And now because now he's on
00:27:09
like a uh like a traditional uh sitcom and it's massively popular, right?
00:27:14
Yes. Neighbor. The neighbor. Something like that. Yeah. I never seen that. That's still there. That's still going on. Oh, it's got to be. It's those network
00:27:20
shows. They'll just they keep riding. He was one of the most natural performers I ever worked with. That guy
00:27:26
could make anything funny. [ __ ] eight seasons. That thing. Wow. We had this bit that I wrote called
00:27:31
um Texas versus Maine and it was some like local access cable show in Texas
00:27:37
that he's and he's a Texan and it's about how much better Texas is than
00:27:42
Maine and he hates Maine and he does this kind of like
00:27:48
kind of like uh what's his name? The uh cartoon character with cowboy hat. I know. I can't think of his [ __ ]
00:27:53
name. Yeah. Yeah. Samuse Sam. Yuseity Sam. He did sort of an impression of him and
00:27:59
and I used to love watching him do it. He was he was really something. A good guy, too. Like really good guy.
00:28:05
Yeah. You You haven't talked to him in years. Oh, I haven't? No.
00:28:10
It was like an You haven't talked. I I can tell. I can tell. It's been a few years. Well, cuz you're talking about him in
00:28:16
the past tense. Like he died. Like he died. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we just still we didn't we didn't stay friends. I mean, not not
00:28:21
actively, but I'm always happy when I do see him. I said, "Yeah." Hey,
00:28:26
do you hug them or no? Cuz that that that tells me a lot. I don't think you're a hugger. We hug. You do?
00:28:32
Yeah. I like Okay, good. I mean, when I saw you the other day, you gave me a side hug. That was very fruitful. Yeah.
00:28:38
I'll tell you I'll tell you the best thing that uh the thing that warmed my heart. You said to me, "This was great.
00:28:43
This is probably the best piece of advice I've gotten from someone. We were at the seller and we were in um
00:28:49
we were in the Fat Black Lounge and you were in the hallway and you were like, "That was that was really good.
00:28:54
When I got off stage, I said, "Oh, thank you, man." And you go, "That's family stuff. That's great." And I go, "Yeah." "Oh, thank you." And you go, "That other
00:29:00
stuff, get rid of that." And I was like, "Okay." And you go, "The family said
00:29:06
that was good." And I go, "Right, right." And you go, "But the other stuff." No, he didn't. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yeah, he did.
00:29:12
You did in a jokey way. I No, I meant It was [ __ ] great.
00:29:18
Oh, you did? I saw him at the Fat Black. I had never seen him. I've I've I've seen clips of you guys together and
00:29:24
stuff. Yeah. And uh so I was just watching him and uh he was doing this stuff about his family
00:29:31
and he was doing a really smart bit about if you about how you can um about
00:29:36
resentment towards his parents and that later when they become weaker and you start controlling their lives, you can
00:29:42
get revenge on them. And it sounded really like the feelings felt real. Yeah. And that was really engaging. And then
00:29:49
he talked about if you really want to get back at people that age, give them Bluetooth for presents, like Bluetooth
00:29:55
items. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And uh and it was a great bit. And then he started doing some about Trump and
00:30:01
the those issues that you know and I was like I just felt I just went away. And that's how I feel
00:30:08
about most people. He's as though I think I said to you, you're as good as anybody while you're talking about your
00:30:14
family. Yeah. You're as good as anyone. Like really great. And then the other thing is you sound like everyone, right? You sound
00:30:20
just like everyone else. Wow. Because uh this thing my take on the you know everyone's trapped in like four
00:30:27
issues for like since 2016. Yeah. Trump trans blah d. It's just the same
00:30:36
[ __ ] stuff. And here's my take on the woke this. It's just so boring. And uh and everyone takes a shot on on
00:30:43
Twitter and on the podcasts. We all do it. So on stage it's like why why you
00:30:49
can fashion a great you know no one has your family no one has your voice you know it's totally interesting to watch
00:30:55
somebody you can tell where they're you know and where they're coming from uh e
00:31:00
ethnically where they're coming from in where they are and the kind of family they had. That's I'll listen to that all
00:31:06
day. Yeah. Can I ask you It was awesome. I loved it. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. You don't have to ask.
00:31:13
I'm on your show. I know. But can I ask you one? Yeah. Okay. Um,
00:31:20
let me Okay. So, um, I want No, this is the way cuz I want to be real for a second. Sure. I'm
00:31:26
Okay. So, um, I've always been obsessed about killing. Uh-huh.
00:31:31
So, I'm not as prolific. Okay. Right. Yeah, I understand that. Yeah. And I haven't changed my act. I
00:31:37
mean, right now I'm doing a special for Hulu, so I'm trying to come up with new stuff. But my point is is that
00:31:43
I'm so afraid of not killing that. I I I've been I'm in a [ __ ] rut.
00:31:48
I totally because of that fear, you know what I mean? And it's like I know that there's more that I can do. I know there's more
00:31:55
that I can say and I just don't do it because I hate bombing. You know what I
00:32:01
mean? And it's like I just know that I'm not growing. And I know that, you know, I mean, you're so you're very prolific,
00:32:08
if I can say that. Yes, I am. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're one of those comics that like if you're performing, like all the comics will run
00:32:14
into the room to watch you. When I perform, they [ __ ] leave. They're [ __ ] fire. They don't leave.
00:32:20
They do. They do. The whole background doesn't matter. None of that matters. Okay. [ __ ] the other comedians. That's not
00:32:26
your audience. Okay. You're not doing this for them. Yeah. Who am I doing it for? They're just their competition and their
00:32:31
colleagues. They're just people that also do what you do. Okay. Has nothing to do with them. Yeah.
00:32:36
How do I get over this rut though? Yeah. What you're describing is a very important thing and it's a very
00:32:42
vulnerable place to be. You know exactly what you have to do. Your problem is your solution is right in front of you.
00:32:48
What is it? It's just you got to you got to get over it. No. In other words, you you're you're I
00:32:55
mean what I'm saying is you're way ahead of the game because a lot of people don't understand what their problem is. Yeah. I totally understand it. That is
00:33:01
the basic problem for most comedians. Um because they're afraid of that
00:33:07
feeling. I'm not killing. I was raised to kill as a comic. I started in Boston
00:33:12
and in Boston it was like you might get hurt if you don't kill cuz the room might get really nasty,
00:33:18
right? And someone might throw [ __ ] at you. They might wait for you outside. Like there's a feeling in Boston of like
00:33:24
there's the bad version of this is [ __ ] bad. And also there was this kind of like
00:33:30
this biting spirit there. So I I liked it. I I was 18 when I started. So I was
00:33:36
killing killing killing. It took me a long time to realize that this is I still try to untrain myself. There's
00:33:43
bits where I'm like that crushes but it's not making me better. I got to stop doing it.
00:33:48
So it's not only not wanting to bomb. It's also like backing away from the
00:33:54
obvious sometimes and just going like, "Yeah, that bit annihilates." But yeah,
00:33:59
what are we doing? You know better. Yeah. Yeah. It's not there's no quality to it. There's nothing that's not taking me
00:34:06
anywhere new. I mean, all the thing is uh the problem with comedians is they take everything very personally and it's
00:34:12
a it's a scientific thing kind of comedy and it's an art. So you should think of
00:34:19
the like pro p privilege the work what's what matters is this bit right um like I
00:34:25
was watching this kid in uh New York and he was doing bits about the election the last one and it had been over for a
00:34:31
while and uh and the bits were strong but people weren't really into it.
00:34:37
Yeah. And he made some comment on stage like oh I guess you guys don't like my politics or something. And I pulled him
00:34:43
aside afterwards and I said, "It's because it's an old topic. No one wants
00:34:48
to hear about it. Old elections." And he said, "I know, but this bits were killing and I don't want to let him go."
00:34:55
Yeah. And he what I said to him was cuz he was very young guy. So I said, "If you took the two minutes of
00:35:01
political material and instead you stood there and did nothing, uh, you'd grow
00:35:07
more as a comic." It'd be better for you as a comedian. Yeah. I think every comedian should try
00:35:13
to put especially in these workout sets in the clubs. Yeah. At some point have like an alarm go off
00:35:18
or some way that you go, I'm going to do 90 seconds. I got no act. Just 90 seconds of just of just try to see what
00:35:25
happens. If you don't keep coming and coming and coming with it,
00:35:30
it's that panic moment of like I got to kill right now. If you can just get past it, it's like the sound barrier, you
00:35:38
know, with that big explosion. Yeah. On the other side of the sound barrier is like there's a calm. You go
00:35:44
like, "Oh, I'm I got power now. I'm not killing. They're looking at me. This is weird. I'm still here. I'm alive.
00:35:52
I can do a bunch of things I couldn't do on the other side of this." Yeah. You could only do one thing when you
00:35:59
need it to be kill. But if you get past that, you have like this bunch of other
00:36:04
options that you're like, "Wow, I could do this." They're looking at the room comes alive when you stop getting laughs.
00:36:10
It does. People Yeah. People start going, "What is going on?" There's no Cuz this puts you to sleep.
00:36:15
Yeah. They're not even listening after a while. You know, if you're doing jokes,
00:36:21
you could one always do one joke where you go and then I flap the jab black laps. it like where you literally make
00:36:28
no sense and you'll get that's why a lot of comics have like 15 tags and they're getting jokes just because the the
00:36:35
motor's in motion. They're not funny. Yeah. But you just get You know what I mean?
00:36:41
I mean it's you just have to You're 54. What are you waiting for?
00:36:46
It's time. It's Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's never too late. Okay. You need to start going on stage and
00:36:53
having bad sex. Yeah. You have to. You have to. Yeah, you have to. That's it. You won't grow.
00:36:59
You have to. But no, you you have to. No, no, no. I'm saying you have to. I do it all the time. Every time I go
00:37:04
out to start writing a show, I I struggle mightily for months.
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00:39:48
And in nowhere in time on set, you're like, I'm I'm I've lost the room and I I have to do a joke that I know it's
00:39:54
proven or no, you stay in the try not to do that. I do I'm weak when I do that, but I try to stay in it and
00:40:00
just go like this is like when I'm developing a new hour, I go to the seller, I I go in, I haven't been in for
00:40:06
a while, I do five minutes, maybe just a few jokes I have, and then I get off. And the next time I do 10, when I get to
00:40:14
about 20, yeah, then it starts filling in and it starts getting strong.
00:40:19
When I have a strong 20, I put it away. I'm like, you can't do these jokes anymore. And I go back in with nothing.
00:40:25
And I start with another zero hard. And what's so funny? And then you get that brave hard joke.
00:40:32
Well, I'm going to do it. Okay. 1996.
00:40:40
So I don't do it on the special. He's got a Braveheart joke. Yeah, it's funny.
00:40:45
It's fresh. Listen, my last special or one of the last ones I did a special a joke about Goodwill Hunting and it was 201
00:40:53
Well, you did a whole thing about the Bible. That's [ __ ] old. The Bible's
00:40:58
Bible's been out for a while. Yeah. Yeah. So, Lou, I'm going to make a deal with everyone in this room. Okay. Yeah.
00:41:03
For my special, I'm going to Cuz I've never done a special. Right. Right. So, I have to do the
00:41:09
things that I've amassed. No, you don't. For my special, it's in two months.
00:41:15
Okay. Well, I know. But for the next, you know what
00:41:20
I mean? Thing. Yes. Look, do the special and clean house. I'm cleaning house and then start over.
00:41:25
I'm never going to do those jokes again. That's great. That's right. Yeah. I love that. He's going to clean house the way a hoarder does where they're like, "Don't
00:41:31
really don't get rid of that. Put that right there." Yeah,
00:41:36
I'll throw out one of the four Kermits. I'm keeping the other three Kermits. The
00:41:42
un unboxed. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you why I'm doing it. Sure. Because when I perform, I don't feel
00:41:49
good. I feel pain. Yeah, man. Every [ __ ] I've been there. Yeah. I feel pain. I feel disgusted.
00:41:56
When I drive home, I don't feel good. You got You totally get what's going on. I know. There's something going on. Yes.
00:42:02
And it's like when I was younger and I was like bombing and I was like trying new things and going what's my voice and
00:42:08
all that kind of stuff. It was in retrospect I mean back then you were struggling there was no money and
00:42:14
getting stage time and all the [ __ ] [ __ ] that you have to go through but still in terms of performing it felt
00:42:20
new. It felt fresh kill are traps. They're they are prisons.
00:42:25
Yeah. And they keep you from I mean you're stuck in these bits. It's horrible.
00:42:31
Yeah, I had the same opening joke for like 10 years or more. Uh, and I every time I
00:42:38
said it, it felt like I was pissing out of my my own mouth. I hated it. I hated
00:42:44
it so much. Can you tell me what is the joke? Yeah. And it's actually about piss. I hate I hate I hate saying it.
00:42:51
Please do it. Yeah. Yeah. It's Oh god, it's so horrible. I mean, it is what it is. It's a joke, but it's
00:42:56
about I live in New York. It was like, uh, New York is the only city where you actually have to say things like, "Hey,
00:43:02
that's mine. Don't don't piss on it." Yeah, I know. I love that. That's a great joke. I like I like Yeah, I've heard you do.
00:43:08
It's a fine joke, but do it for 10 years every night. Like, it's not You felt he That's um He's autistic.
00:43:14
Sorry about that. He He'll move furniture the whole show. It's just kind of what he does.
00:43:19
When When you try new stuff, do you have a button or is it sometimes like just a premise?
00:43:26
Yeah, usually it's a premise like I come up with I'll be you know walking around and I'll I'll have a thought or in a
00:43:31
conversation where I'm like that's I know that area is a bit right and I'll write down the premise just the
00:43:40
word like two words of what it is and then I wait I try not to think about it too much till I get on stage and then I
00:43:47
go on stage the next time and I explain it to the first audience and that's how I write it usually.
00:43:52
Wow. And then it gets refined over time. Once in a while bits come to me full
00:43:59
like well I don't know where that came from but just like a joke like I'll come up with a I'll think of a sentence and
00:44:04
then I'll think of a joke cuz I do still like jokes you know. Yeah. So I jokes I just they come they pop in.
00:44:13
Uh but bits where you're talking about something that's that's the way I do those. You just you know there's an area
00:44:20
there's something there and you wait cuz they're listening. They're there no better. They're the instrument.
00:44:26
So when you're working in the dark it's like being a composer. They like to have a piano. They like to hear it, you know,
00:44:33
not just sit there and go this and have it all in their head. Yeah. When you have an audience, that's your instrument. So you they're sitting there
00:44:40
waiting and that makes you that brings it out of you like and it makes you come up with it funny cuz that's what you
00:44:46
that's what you do. Pitch Louis some bits. You got some He's got some new [ __ ] Pitch him some. No. Pitch him some bits.
00:44:52
I'm not doing it now. Yeah. Do it. No. No. No. I'm not doing that right now. He's got a couple in the chamber. Come on. Tell him.
00:44:57
Tell me one. Tell him one of the new bits. One idea for new bit. Come on. Well, I have a bit that um I'm trying to
00:45:02
get to work. Look at Louis when you do it. Don't look at me. Yeah. I want to look at you, too. I want to look at you. I want to look at you right now. Exercise for you.
00:45:08
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. So, I have a bit about like um my dad used to tell wild stories. I don't know
00:45:14
if they were true or not, right? Mhm. Like when I was 14, my dad goes, "When I was your age, okay, in Korea, I used to
00:45:22
kill wolf, right?" I go, "There are wolves in Korea. So many wolf." You mean
00:45:28
everywhere wolf, you know? One time wolf attack, I break a leg, right? I take a
00:45:33
stick, pop in the face, right? Then a couple of days later, my friend um um John brought his core giver to my house
00:45:40
and my dad goes, "How does your wolf used to kill dogs?"
00:45:47
But it you know it's a great bit. Yeah. What's wrong with you? It doesn't get a huge laugh though on
00:45:53
stage. It gets kind of a giggle. It's a great bit. Ke, you got to do that bit. Yeah. Yeah.
00:45:59
Yeah. It's a great bit. Yeah. Just give him another one. No, I want to give up. You got to keep You got to keep doing
00:46:05
it. All of every bit I have. I give up that destroys.
00:46:10
Yeah. Started either weak or like pissing people off, but I just
00:46:17
keep doing it and and it's like it's like walking to a firing squad and saying, "Shoot me." It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and you go and they
00:46:24
go, "Uhhuh." But these all these bits are really there's still a few in in my set now. Even though I'm doing theaters
00:46:31
that I'm like, I still know I'm not getting what I should be getting with that one. It still feels weak, but I still believe in it. So, I'm still And
00:46:37
it keeps changing and changing. So, I got to cuz sometimes you got to keep doing it. You got to do that bit over and over again.
00:46:42
Okay. That's what it is. Yeah. Over and over. Over and over again. Are you doing the bit Are you doing the bit about the uh how we can mount and
00:46:48
dismount an entire race in one I don't remember. I remember those
00:46:53
words, but I don't remember what the way you said that. That stuck. I mountain. Now you're saying the way that we say like when you have someone on the
00:46:59
[ __ ] news says like Oh, that Yeah. No, I don't do it anymore. Why, dude? Yeah. I had a whole bunch of stuff about
00:47:07
people the way people talk in the news and I had some about Trump and all this
00:47:12
stuff and and that stuff I just decided I didn't want there. Here and I'll This may help you.
00:47:17
Okay. Okay. I was doing it's in that bit. It's You can have it. You can have it.
00:47:22
So, I was doing um when I went back on the road, I took a year and a half off of comedy. I wasn't I was going to quit.
00:47:29
Like, I decided I didn't want to do it anymore. And I So, it was a really great break because I wasn't like just taking
00:47:35
time off. I was like, I'm done. But then I started coming up with ideas, jokes. So, you know, I just got full. I wanted
00:47:40
to do them. And then I was like, I just let's just get back to it. But when I first started going out with this new
00:47:46
set, they had these weird bits that are kind of strange and then this killer
00:47:53
chunk about the news and all that stuff. And I was like, where do I put that that
00:47:59
it where does it hurts these other bits? How do they, you know? And then I was in Omaha doing a bunch of shows at the
00:48:05
Funny Funny Bone. And uh one night I was like, what if tonight you don't do you don't do those
00:48:11
bits at all? just take them out. And I took them out and the everything else in the show kind of rose up a lot
00:48:18
and the show just got because it had a cohesion to it and it just got better. Like your your bit is competing with
00:48:25
these other bits like it it can't follow Braveheart or whatever you're killing. Oh, I see.
00:48:31
Yeah. So once you're done with this special Yeah. that bit should be like your No, I'm doing that bit on the in the
00:48:36
special. It's a new bit. But I mean these bits will do better the new ideas. Oh, I see what you're saying. and they
00:48:42
have a little feeling. But that those also the bit about the news. Brian Rean
00:48:47
did a bit kind of like it. No, not like that. Your your his spin was the way people talk in the news then
00:48:53
versus now. And you were saying the way that you'll have an anchor.
00:48:58
No, but he did he did a thing about people saying uh there's a uh there was a fire today in Nicaragua.
00:49:05
Oh, Nicaragua. Oh, that's right. Right, right, right, right, right. That's right. So, I was doing I was doing that. It was kind of near it. The
00:49:12
phrase the phrasing was great. I The phrase stuck out of my brain when you go, "How did you mount and dismount an entire race in one word?"
00:49:18
And with one word of your life. I love that. Yeah, it was fun to do. I like that bit. Uh and then I did a thing about homeless
00:49:26
versus unhoused. The unhoused. But I just don't want to. I don't I'm I'm tired of having clever takes on
00:49:32
what's going on in the world. Oh, [ __ ] I'm tired. [ __ ] My whole act is [ __ ]
00:49:38
I have a whole homeless bit. That's just 5 minutes of homeless. That's just me. Oh my god.
00:49:43
His special is literally called Clever Take on what's going on in the world. [ __ ] We got to change.
00:49:49
I'm just going to put the greatest hits out and then the next time I'm going to grow and it's going to be the greatest. What about you? Where are you at with
00:49:55
I just put out a [ __ ] special on you on Hulu. Uh, which you know, which was it was a good time for me to put out a
00:50:01
special cuz it was um Charlie Kirk got shot anniversary of 911 and then they took Jimmy Kimmel off the air and I was
00:50:07
like, "Put out a special baby. Drop it right there. Drop it right there." It's [ __ ] insane. And and Hulu, he's
00:50:14
doing it with Hulu, too. Is that your first one? That's my Hulu. That's number one. I did one before um I did one previous Well,
00:50:22
no, I did technically that's You done two show? No, Showtime. Then Netflix. Netflix was the first like real
00:50:28
real special. But does Hulu have uh it forever or do you get it back? No, you get them back. Like Netflix too, they took mine down after it was like a
00:50:34
licensed. So yeah, I might just put it up on YouTube. We were talking about Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's all
00:50:40
this it's a body of work you're compiling over time. Yeah. So So it's got a life on Hulu right now.
00:50:45
But the I did a special called um hilarious and it was on Epics.
00:50:51
Yeah. Great company. Great company. Who cares? Who gives a [ __ ] Yeah. Doesn't matter.
00:50:56
No, I know it does. It's all all of the back when I used to before I started selling them myself, I used to just find who wants this one and it
00:51:03
would be like Showtime or one was Epics, one was this. It just doesn't matter. No, they're all they're you're compiling
00:51:09
a library. But now you'll sell them yourself forever. You're never going to go to a thing again. You'll just do just you
00:51:14
now, right? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I I'd kind of like to be on a platform just to get more new
00:51:20
eyeballs on the work, maybe, but I don't know. We'll see. Also, plug the book. Oh yeah.
00:51:25
Do you have a copy of the book? Uh, no. Dude, this is so funny. You would never read it.
00:51:30
I have a library. Oh, you want it just in the Yeah, I have everyone's in the thing. You guys have a copy? They should have
00:51:36
sent you one. Yeah, Bobby has a copy. Well, no, honestly, where's my copy? I don't I literally don't have a cop. I handed it to you.
00:51:41
Yeah, he did hand it to you. Where is it? It's over here somewhere. It's got to be over here somewhere. Pile of books.
00:51:46
I have a pile of books over. I'm going to read it. I want to read it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I mean, you should show it to
00:51:52
people, right? Or something. I mean, I don't whatever, man. I have it. Where is the book? I have Star Trek the Next Generation
00:51:59
X-Men. I didn't write that. The Catholic Bible. Um, yeah. I don't know where it is, dude. Bring it up on the [ __ ] Bring it up
00:52:06
there. Bring it up on the [ __ ] thing. You know, that's probably Wait, my favorite thing is him getting mad.
00:52:11
It's your book. He gave it to you. I [ __ ] don't remember it. There it is. There it is, baby.
00:52:17
Ingram. Ingram. That's my new I just wrote that. That's about Rick Ingram from Chris
00:52:23
Rock. What is it about Ingram? It's about a little boy who's uh kicked out of his house when he was like nine
00:52:29
and he's just walking around Texas and he's alone and he's uh and he's and life gets really hard for him.
00:52:35
Like Chanty Gardner from being there. Yeah. But he's like much younger. Okay. Yeah. But Chanty Gardner, the character was a
00:52:41
young because he had had no influence except for television. So he was kind of a child.
00:52:46
Sure. Yeah. Well, that's not what this book's about. I know. One thing it's not it's not that's you going to be different.
00:52:52
Sure. If you want. Yeah. Yeah. It's about a guy named Chan Garden.
00:52:58
Yeah. If that's what you want. Fine. It's a little boy like kind of like Paris, Texas. He's kind of wandering.
00:53:04
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. Paris. Oh, yeah. Why are you doing that? I don't know. Just let him have the book.
00:53:09
Yeah. You're trying to shoehorn some other [ __ ] story into it. I mean, it's fine. It drives me nuts.
00:53:14
I was trying to sound intelligent. It's not working. It's a
00:53:20
Stop it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I Now audio book. Why? Is there an audio book? Yeah. And are you doing the narration?
00:53:26
I read it. Yeah. Oh, that's great. That's I'll listen. I find it very odd when people don't read it. Yeah.
00:53:31
That wrote it. You wrote You wrote it. You read it. Well, I'm a performer. I perform, so I can do that. Some authors probably would
00:53:37
have a hard time doing It's hard. It's like really hard. It takes a couple weeks. Yeah. But I mean I think a lot of times
00:53:45
we find right that like like look at Stephen King like you know how bad Stephen King got off doing his reading.
00:53:52
Do you know what I mean? Like I think some of these guys they love to write but they're also like it's weird.
00:53:57
You want to hear me talk about it? Well it's weird when you read it because you're faced with what you wrote.
00:54:02
Yeah. So and you have to read it with all the you can't go like
00:54:07
Yeah. I kind of wanted to do a version like a whole version where I read it like or like or read it in like like
00:54:15
this or something like a whole the whole book in falsetto or something. Yeah, he's walking around the [ __ ] farm.
00:54:21
Yeah, he's walking around the farm. But anyway, yeah, but do you read it in paragraphs like and then you go cut you cut it there and
00:54:27
you go as far as you can go in one piece and then you keep and also somebody's there to keep stopping you cuz you [ __ ]
00:54:32
up a lot. All right. So, you have somebody going, "You got that wrong." Or tedious thing. Like when we do the movie. It's when we did the animated movie.
00:54:38
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We did an animated movie where you where you give me notes where where you give me notes. I give him notes. I do give him notes
00:54:45
live. Every line he goes, "That's not how you say it." Well, and I'm like, "What?" He's like, "Well,"
00:54:50
and then you give me scenarios. Imagine this and this and they go, "Okay, I get it." Well, try to have him say, "Fakasha. It's [ __ ] fasha." Yeah. Well, he got
00:54:56
it there. We worked on your face in your [ __ ] face, dude. Now, we play these two little creatures, but we're bouncing a lot like we do on
00:55:02
the show. But we're bouncing, you know, it's like bouncing conversation and and sometimes he'll be, "Am I the worst?" No, no, no. Be honest. Am I the worst?
00:55:09
Shut up. No, but he's so good. But sometimes he'll be not in our conversation reading the characters if
00:55:14
it's existing in another space. I'm like, we're doing it. It's you and me. It's you and me. But when I do say that, you
00:55:20
do come back and you kill it. Am I wrong? No, thank you. Then we had to go do we had to go do extra and I left cuz I went
00:55:27
separate. And he goes, "How long did it take?" And I go, "Dude, it's 40 minutes. You're in and out." Yeah. He called me. And he's like, "Took me
00:55:32
two [ __ ] hours." I was like, "Cuz I was gone." But do you read it before? Because I I
00:55:38
haven't read it. So I'm showing up and I'm like, "I do not read it before." Oh, so you're good. No, it's just I just No, we just work
00:55:44
differently. Yeah, that's like a neurological difference. Yeah, it is. I just We just I just Yes.
00:55:51
Yes, it is. I just see things like that. Okay. With lines. With lines, do you have like a memory photo like Can you
00:55:57
memorize lines real fast? No. It takes me days, right? I can see it and do it right. I have this weird trick. I don't know why
00:56:04
I'm so lucky. But I've been someone that can just what your brain does. Eat it and th I can throw it right back out.
00:56:09
Wow. You know who they said used to do that? That was that Charlie Sheen. I don't know if you saw that documentary. We've talked about it because we love it. They
00:56:14
used to say John Crier would go, "This [ __ ] guy would never rehearse, would would be be on time on the nose, be
00:56:22
unprepared, and then look at it and go, I'm going to I'm going to Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
00:56:28
Okay. Yeah. And get an entire two-page scene. Incredible. And not even it's just his brain had that digestion and regurgitation.
00:56:34
I used to just need like two two rehearsals to know it. Two and then Yeah. Cuz I need to reading it. I'm just
00:56:40
not It's not getting in, right? But if I wreck through it and kind of do this two takes. Yeah.
00:56:46
Then I then I know it cuz I lived the scene, right? So you don't memorize it in the night before.
00:56:52
That never did me any good. Me neither. It only stressed me out and it didn't do me any good. I was always bad at that. If I could do
00:56:57
it in the morning, if I read it right before I went there and then I got one run through, I would be like, "Okay, I I understand what I was I understand what
00:57:03
I didn't see." Because Well, and you do it in pieces. So, it's like when you're filming stuff, you just you you only have to worry about this
00:57:09
one scene and you do it a bunch of times from all these different angles. Yeah. And then you throw it away, it's gone.
00:57:14
So, you only have to worry about one thing at a time when you're filming stuff. Can I tell you my favorite scene from your show that to this day I watch all
00:57:22
the time, like over and over? Okay. Is it the art room? That's my favorite scene. It's my favorite scene in the whole world
00:57:27
with you and Pam Adlon and the press the button. It says press. It's my favorite scene, dude.
00:57:34
I love that. Just be here's and let me dude and let me ask you let me ask you something because I get nerded out on
00:57:40
those scenes. I'll rewind a scene like it's J it's J big J Oerson's voice if that's what you're gonna
00:57:46
It is. It is J Big J Oerson. Yeah. Hope I'm not getting him in trouble. I mean I asked
00:57:51
him to do it. I said I I wrote him and I said, "Can you please say this word like
00:57:58
for, you know, to choose one like five times into your phone and text it to me and
00:58:03
I'll send you a, you know, check for SAG check." That's so he said, "Sure."
00:58:10
And he did it and it's in there on the first on the first take. Yeah.
00:58:15
Pam turns her shoulder and walks away. Yeah. She just like Yeah. But is it did she It's an organic laugh that you can
00:58:21
hear in the audio. I don't think like she laughs. Yeah. As she walked away, but I don't think
00:58:27
she meant to laugh. She doesn't really laugh. She kind of goes like like I hear she goes okay. I hear her say
00:58:34
okay. She Did you surprise? Was it a surprise when she first heard it or you guys had already No, we knew what
00:58:39
Oh god. It would have been so [ __ ] funny if it was surprise. I wanted it so bad to be like cuz we cuz I like there's
00:58:45
a scene there's a scene that I've nerded out like this about that I'll loop is in baskets.
00:58:51
Yeah. Um and I know you could tell he knows that scene cuz I've watched it a 100 [ __ ] times. But Louis is drinking a
00:58:56
Gatorade. Yes. Your scene that scene it's the exact same comedy feeling in my soul where I
00:59:02
go this is so fun and they knew it was fun. Oh dude. So I remember that day really well
00:59:07
because so when when we set up Zach's show Yeah. Um, we had this meeting, me and him, and
00:59:14
I don't remember who else was there, but um, I started asking him about, we were just
00:59:21
trying to decide what the show's about, and like it was just Zach, a show for Zach. And I was working at FX and I had
00:59:27
a show that was successful and I said, I want to make a different, another show. So, they're like, all right. And and I
00:59:33
went to Zach first because nobody ever made me laugh that hard as Zach did. So, anyway, when we sat and talked about
00:59:38
what his show would be about, this is we had already made a deal. he's going to have a show. Um I was like, "Well, what
00:59:44
if your what if you have family in it?" You know, and I and um he So, we're talking about I said, "What's your
00:59:49
mother? What about your mother if you had a mother?" And he goes, "Yeah, maybe." And I go, "What's your mother really like in real life?" And he goes, "She's
00:59:56
always like, "Sack," and I and I just said, "Your mother's
01:00:02
Louis Anderson." And uh we all laughed and then there was this pause
01:00:07
and I said, "What if we get Louis Anderson to play your mother?" And he was like, "Why does that sound
01:00:13
like such a good idea?" Like it just was immediate like what a crazy idea. And that's how it came about cuz I was making a flip joke.
01:00:20
And then I was like, "This is I I enjoyed this part of the work. I was like I just got on the phone and said,
01:00:25
"Get Louis Anderson on the phone." I don't know him that way. We've met in person a bunch of times. I always liked him, but I didn't have a relationship
01:00:30
with him. But I just said, "Get me Louis Anderson on the phone." A few minutes later, I get this call from Louis in his
01:00:35
car and he goes, "Hi." I go, "Hi, Louis. It's Louis CK." Yeah. So, I'm making a
01:00:42
show for FX and Zach Alfanakis is the star of the show. We're doing a pilot. Okay. And I go, "Oh, we have a part and
01:00:49
it's a substantial part for you. The thing is, we want you to play Zach's mother." And I just hear the sound
01:00:55
inside the car. And he goes, "I love it."
01:01:00
Wow. And it felt like this. We didn't know what he would do. We gave him the job. There was no nothing written and
01:01:08
there was no it was just that day we gave him the job. We made a deal, right? It was like, "No, we're doing that." So,
01:01:14
I didn't know how it was going to work out. And I didn't know how what Zach. So, Zach hired John uh
01:01:20
Chrysler. Chrysler. Yeah. Chrysler. Uh uh uh what's wrong with me? Please look it up. Direct
01:01:26
Jonathan Jonathan Chrysler. Chrysler. Yeah. Chrysler. Chrysler. Jonath Chrysler. I don't know say it.
01:01:31
Jonathan Chrysle had done this show Portlandia which is one of my favorite things ever. It's awesome. And uh he just had this way of setting
01:01:39
up improv, setting up setting this a scene for two characters. He knew how to
01:01:44
shoot it, how to get how to shoot it well and how to just make it happen. So these guys just I went after this one
01:01:51
meeting where we talked about everything. I kind of went away and let them make the show. And then I showed up that day and there's Louis Anderson in a
01:01:58
dress and I'm like, we're really doing this, huh? Wow. And I'm like, I don't know what what is the character? What
01:02:04
are you guys doing? And I sat and watched them shoot that scene which just happened. There was nothing to it.
01:02:10
Yeah. They had something to argue about that he doesn't respect his being a clown, right? And Martha, that was like an
01:02:16
introduction from And then there was this obsession with this Gatorade. When that moment happened, I remembered I had just
01:02:22
arrived a few minutes before with the Gatorade and that hits the spot. I was like I was like, "What are we do? This
01:02:30
is incredible. This is incredible." And Louis and I got to really love Louis. We got to know each other much
01:02:36
better. Yeah. And then he won a [ __ ] Emmy. And it was such a glorious thing that Louis cuz
01:02:42
I loved him when I was a young comic and he's such a sweet and good guy. I used to open for him. struggled with his
01:02:49
health, you know, it was really sad when he when he passed away, but uh but yeah, I was it was one
01:02:55
of the happiest moments of my career was him winning an Emmy. Wow. That was such a beautiful thing cuz the
01:03:02
way he did he that character was fantastic throughout the season. Two seasons. Great. [ __ ] great. I was
01:03:09
I did a show on FX called Dave with Little Dicky and when I was on the show I was like in love with Basket so much
01:03:16
and I was like hey I'll I'll I don't want to get paid like can I just do a
01:03:22
anything in the thing? I just was like I'll do an anything any and they were and they were like dude they got to stop
01:03:27
asking like cuz I kept asking my agent I was like just tell them I'll [ __ ] it. They were like they don't want Does that work if people if if talent
01:03:34
asks? No but they said they don't they were like usually Yeah. cuz I've asked so many times. They're like, "Nah, it's not
01:03:39
going to happen." I was like, "I don't even want lines. I just want to be in like a background, the Burger King. I want I really wanted
01:03:44
to be at the Burger King." And I was like, "Just let me be in the thing." And they're like, "They don't want like an actor comic." They were like, "They're not looking for that.
01:03:50
You're not You're in the wrong." I was like, "I just want to be in the back." Yeah. No, you wouldn't have been right for it. I know. See, that's right. There you go.
01:03:57
That's right. He was like, "No, you can't do it, dude." So, when people go like my agents try to
01:04:02
track projects. Yeah. Yeah. Like when Crazy Rich Asians were happening like we're tracking this for
01:04:07
you. We're putting your your name in the past, you know, and it's like it never I couldn't even get an audition at the end
01:04:13
of the day. No. Yeah. It doesn't none of that works. No. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's good if you're trying to be an actor, you go in for a
01:04:19
lot of stuff because they remember you. You go you just do the best version of
01:04:25
you. Yeah. At the audition and then you just are memorable. It doesn't matter getting that part,
01:04:31
you know? Like if you read something and you're like, "That's not my kind of guy." And you try to be it, you're going to suck. So you just do a weird your
01:04:38
version of it, right? And they'll go, "Uh, that guy was good. He's not he can't do this, but that guy." And they'll remember. I mean, I've
01:04:44
cast a lot of things in my past with people that I've seen in other stuff that or that I've seen in in stuff that
01:04:51
I had them cast, you know, come in for. So go in for everything. Go in for everything and do any part you
01:04:57
get. I say no. Cuz that's where you know agents don't get you work. No.
01:05:03
No. They're terrible people. Terrible. I'm They just They are They're terrible people. They're terrible people.
01:05:09
Absolutely worthless people. Some of the worst ever. They give some of the worst advice. They're snakes. They've set you up for something and then when it goes
01:05:14
bad, they're not there to back you up. They're the worst. I think they I think they're just they're just uh terrible pigs.
01:05:20
They're they're out of they're pigs. They're out of their depth a little or they're not in the they're in the wrong
01:05:25
business or something. I hate them. They're on the backs of us. They stink. Yeah, I can't wait to fire mine. I'm done with the business forever anyway.
01:05:31
Whoa, dude. Why would you be done with the business? Yeah, me too. We're out, dude.
01:05:37
We're the last show in Hollywood. This is it. I think we're the last. Yeah. Over.
01:05:43
It's dying. It's dying. That's a shame. You do a movie.
01:05:48
And the And the book, by the way, is available literally everywhere. Please go. Yeah. You can pre-order it now on all
01:05:55
the things. All the things. all the things. And it'll be out November 11th. November 11th. My first novel.
01:06:02
It's the first one. Yeah. I wrote another one after that. I still working on. I mean, I finished a
01:06:07
draft of it. I'm Did you get like a book deal where they give you a two book deal? You know, they do this thing. It's a weird like give
01:06:12
them a deal and then they then they make people write another book even if they didn't want. No, no, I didn't get any kind of deal
01:06:17
like that. I just I just uh wrote this one good to see what would happen. And I sent it out and this company Ben Bella
01:06:24
in Texas is publishing it. It's just a little company. Ben Bella. Ben Bella. Did you find them? They found you.
01:06:29
I got a book agent and he's a really smart guy and he found uh found them. He
01:06:34
he'd worked with them on other stuff. They don't do much fiction. Ah. Wow. Uh but it's PR it's it's distributed by
01:06:40
Simon and Schustster. So that's that's who sells it. Oo. But I didn't get a book deal from them.
01:06:46
It's like I just I didn't I haven't been paid anything. I I just wrote it and they're putting it out. We'll see what
01:06:51
we make together. But I don't have an advance or anything. That's a good deal. We'll see what we make together. I liked it that way. I don't like the
01:06:57
thing of like like when you when I book on the road and stuff. Agents like to get advances cuz they
01:07:03
found, you know, hey, we got you the money. Yeah. Yeah. But all you're doing is betting against yourself and like the
01:07:09
last thing you want to do is like take a bunch of money from somebody and then you didn't do well and then you're like,
01:07:14
haha. You know, you want people to sort of have a good experience of you. So yeah, cuz you're a big crowdwork guy.
01:07:20
Clips. You're big. You started Crowdwork Cliff. Can you imagine?
01:07:25
Yeah, that was my innovation. That was that was Lou. Big crowdwork clip guy. You were the first on TikTok
01:07:31
to do it as far as concerned. Yeah, that's right. I saw most of your I just saw it. I saw it as a new way
01:07:37
and here I am. Thank God. I would love to see Does that annoy you? Like these crowd work guys on doing clips on TikTok?
01:07:44
I mean, it's the they got what they got from it. Yeah, it's fine. It's It's fine. It works for them.
01:07:50
Good for them. I don't care. I don't as a I love standup. I don't enjoy watching
01:07:56
that. Yeah. Also, when I see friends of mine do it, I It's like you're killing in the
01:08:02
moment, but no one's going to remember it. Yeah. And you're not building anything. That's But I have a different goal than them.
01:08:07
They just want to run their numbers up and they want to get whatever. Yeah. And also a lot of people it pleases them a lot. People really
01:08:13
People like it. Yeah. So if an audience if someone's enjoying it, they're right. Yes.
01:08:18
And the person who doesn't like it is just it's none of their business. If you don't like something, it's none of your business as long as somebody likes it.
01:08:25
If nobody likes it forever, someone needs to someone needs to talk to the
01:08:31
But you know what? If literally no one ever liked a comic ever doing anything, that'd be pretty [ __ ] incredible.
01:08:39
I want to see this. That is cool. Like David Tell had this I don't think he ever did it more than once that I
01:08:44
saw. He said, "If you tell somebody you have uh a small penis, if you tell a
01:08:49
woman you have a small penis, she won't be interested. But if you tell her you have the smallest penis in the whole world,
01:08:55
she's going to want it."
01:09:02
Yeah. He's he's one of my favorites of unbelievable that guy. Yep. Who's the guy who's the guy that
01:09:08
you that you really have like a comedy crush on that you're like, "Oh, I love the [ __ ] way that that person works."
01:09:14
Uh these days? Yeah. I mean, that used to be Zach for me. I used to put my head on the table and
01:09:20
cry. Yeah. Uh Todd Glass has always made me laugh like that. So funny. Just [ __ ] destroys me.
01:09:28
Yeah. Uh Jim Norton, who I've been working with lately, just also really kills me. Yeah. There's a lot of guys I really love. Um,
01:09:35
but that kind of like I can't believe it. Yeah. Todd Glass. I mean, I I don't know if it's okay to do other people's bits, but
01:09:41
I'm You say it's Todd naming him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He did. Should we call them? We'll get approval. Yeah. He did this thing about uh um the
01:09:50
lady a lady next to him on an airplane has Reese's cups and she's taking one out and she looks at him looking at him
01:09:56
and she goes, "Do you want one?" And he goes, "I want both."
01:10:03
and he did some clip. I don't know if you can find it, but it was during the pandemic. He did some fake commercial, I
01:10:09
think, on maybe Instagram or something where he's showing you how you can pee outside.
01:10:16
Uh, but he's uh he's he puts a just a bag like a shopping like a plastic bag
01:10:23
over his head and he just stands near a bush and he just starts pissing his
01:10:28
pants. It's completely [ __ ] nuts.
01:10:34
So, he and I haven't seen him for a long time, but he's always been he's always been a guy that destroys me.
01:10:41
We love him. Yeah. He was doing a bunch of fake cop bits that were very funny. Do you remember that little run he had for a while of
01:10:46
like getting fake pulled over? He used to do a bit with breakaway glass bottles. Uh like fantasy of like
01:10:53
breaking. So he'd be it's him walking down the street with like a beer bottle and there's some teenage girls and one
01:10:59
of them gives him like a typical teenage girl like e and he goes over and he
01:11:08
Yeah, he was he was pretty great. He's the one right now. All right. Look, the the advice was good. I learned so much today. Lou, did you
01:11:14
have fun here? Of course I did. It was really fun. I wanted to do the show cuz you guys have a great energy. It
01:11:20
was fun and I had a great time. Well, we we listen, we love you. It's not going to sell a single one of my books. No, no, no, no. Our fan. No,
01:11:27
no, that's not true. Sell one. No, no, no. Ingram Louis C. No, no, no. He's right. It's not that's not going to But it doesn't matter.
01:11:33
Five people. No. Yeah. Guys, please, please uh go uh purchase
01:11:41
Ingram right now. Louis first book. It would mean a lot to him. He asked us for a loan before the show. We were a little
01:11:48
concerned. I'm being real. I mean, I um
01:11:54
I Dude, I'm Thanks for being on the show, man. I appreciate it. No, no, that's it. Thank you so much. No,
01:11:59
go ahead. Do your gay bit. Do your little forget. I forget. Do your sense. No, I just think I'm just a huge fan, dude. I really am. I just think you're
01:12:05
so great. And thank you. Well, you make me laugh a lot. Thank you. Thank you for But um but um
01:12:12
just having you on here was just a [ __ ] great thing,
01:12:17
dude. Why Why can't I Yeah, dude. He's the best living comics ever. Shut the [ __ ] up. Shut up.
01:12:23
All right. No. No. Thank you for being a bad friend.
