00:00:00
You two are bad friends. >> Who are these two idiots? >> A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:07
are disgusting. >> Oh, you two or something. >> We're bad friends.
00:00:12
>> Somebody's back from out of town. He's tired. He's sad. He's down. He's
00:00:16
drinking coffee. Coffee. >> Great. Thanks for coming out to s Lincoln. That show was great.
00:00:24
>> What? >> Exactly. >> Oh, thank you for And you were great. >> Oh, Sacramento. Lincoln, California.
00:00:30
>> What? >> What a good show. >> Exactly. >> I didn't know what you were saying. You
00:00:33
were like, "Thanks for s lacking >> Lincoln." Well, cuz I was trying to
00:00:36
think, is it Sack or Lincoln? >> It was. They said it was something else, didn't they?
00:00:40
>> Didn't they say it was Lincoln? >> Lincoln. >> Oh, Lincoln.
00:00:42
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Lincoln Logs. >> Yeah. So, um, thanks for coming. It was
00:00:45
a great show. You were on fire that night. >> What do you mean you killed it?
00:00:49
>> And, um, >> Okay. >> What do you mean? >> You just shrugged me off.
00:00:53
>> No, I didn't. >> You did? >> NO, BECAUSE >> CHECK THE TAPE.
00:00:56
>> I KNOW. BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHY. >> WHY? Because I'm Because I know if I
00:01:00
said what I was gonna say that was gonna start a fight. So I didn't say what I
00:01:03
was gonna say. >> Say what you're gonna say. >> I didn't think I had a great set. And
00:01:06
now here we go. That annoying. So that's why I edited it out. >> Okay. Well, let's go to something
00:01:10
better. Fancy was wasted. >> That you were wasted. >> I've never seen you that drunk.
00:01:14
>> I've never seen you drunk at all. Ever. >> Hammered. >> Yeah,
00:01:16
>> you were hammered. >> One drink. >> One drink. You're alive.
00:01:19
>> No, no, no. I I I I poured you whiskey. You drank that. >> Bobby poured you a full glass. But I
00:01:25
have to say on stage though, you had the two biggest laughs out of even both of us.
00:01:31
>> C right C was that's a home run. >> Perfect. >> The timing of it.
00:01:37
>> It was so good. >> So good. What was the second punch line? It was a big one.
00:01:41
>> Yeah. You got one more big pop. You got two pop. >> It was based on somebody that was on
00:01:45
stage. It was a guy. >> Personality. >> Oh yeah. Personality person. Yeah.
00:01:50
Personality. >> I'm one more. Uh >> yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I looked at you as
00:01:55
if to say, you know, congratulations. >> Sometimes >> you hit the ball.
00:02:01
>> Sometimes he really hits it hard. >> Really huge rippling laughs.
00:02:04
>> And because of that, we got a little gift for you here. This says, "Hey, bad
00:02:07
friends. I found this Fancy Be special while thrifting and just had to send it along. Thanks for the making all the
00:02:12
best podcast on the internet. Your number 69 fan, Mike." Shout out to Mike.
00:02:17
He of course gave Fancy a shirt I'm sure he owns. Oh, that was an Israeli flag.
00:02:22
>> It is. >> Wow. >> Yahoo. >> Do you own this shirt? >> I do not.
00:02:30
>> That does not look good. >> Do you think that looks good? That does
00:02:34
not look good. >> Desi. Yeah. >> It's also double XXL, which looks It
00:02:37
looks >> Is that a Deselle? >> I think so. >> That's a Desi.
00:02:41
>> What? >> From a thrift store. >> Oh, from a thrift store. Oh, it's a
00:02:44
antique. Like what? A thrifty dis. >> Imagine on Antiques Road Show somebody's
00:02:48
like, I found this in an attic. It's a digidual shirt. >> Yeah. >> And they're like, "These things are
00:02:53
amazing. They're very valuable." Uh, almost >> You mean a 100 years from now?
00:02:56
>> Oh, yeah. Almost nobody wore them. >> No. No one wore them. Only one guy from
00:03:00
Spain. He was their man and clientele. >> Dizzy was founded in Barcelona in 1984
00:03:05
by Swiss businessman Thomas Meyer. The brand originated with the aim of creating a different meaning. Desi
00:03:13
affordable fashion style that stood out characterized by vibrant colors, patchwork, and bold Mediterranean
00:03:18
inspired designs. It was founded on the concept of upcycling, starting with a jacket made
00:03:25
from reassembled patches of used denim. So, it's old [ __ ] that they threw together and then sold to you at a
00:03:31
premium. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. I mean, >> brilliant. >> Conceptually, it's cool. It's just I
00:03:36
think they're using the wrong patterns. >> Execution. >> Yeah. The execution is bad. I think the
00:03:40
idea is good. >> It is very >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But they've >> like I can take this right and then this
00:03:46
and put it into a shirt, but necessarily it doesn't look good. Doesn't look good
00:03:49
like that. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to find the right combination. I think
00:03:52
>> you haven't found your groove. The emperor has yet to find his new groove.
00:03:55
>> I'll keep trying. >> But it was incredible time up in Sacramento.
00:03:58
>> Incredible. >> And then you immediately come home and you jumped on a flight to go across the
00:04:02
country once again. You you you got to be >> I'm exhausted. >> You're Airhart, dog. You're flying all
00:04:07
over the place. >> Well, also it's like um so we finish the show Saturday and then I get we fly back
00:04:12
that night >> and then I show up to the airport pretty early and then five hour delay. Five
00:04:18
hour. >> Yeah. >> I'm going home. >> TSA. >> Yeah. So, I'm sitting there at the
00:04:22
airport. Had had not slept. >> Went to Philly. Then shoot. >> Are they still on strike? Or is it bad
00:04:29
on the way back? >> It It's bad. >> Really? >> Oh, it's bad. Yeah.
00:04:33
>> Hit Houston really hard still for weeks. It's 5 hour wait. I don't care about
00:04:36
Houston. But yeah, but out here >> I told Honey to buy me 5,000 smart waters, which is what we're doing.
00:04:44
>> Mhm. >> 5,000. >> Yeah. >> Smart. Why do you you like smart water?
00:04:47
>> No. No. It's not that I like it. It's just that um I have this fear that the
00:04:50
world is ending, >> right? >> So, I'm going to get seeds. I'm going to
00:04:53
do the whole thing. >> You You're going to get seeds. What kind of seeds?
00:04:56
>> Sunflower, >> barbecue, ranch. >> That's all you need to eat.
00:05:01
>> No, I mean to plant >> to plant to plant. Sunflower. >> Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:05
>> You could chew on those for days. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to get that. You
00:05:07
know what I mean? Chili lime. The the Hispanic one. I like those. >> If you plant those, maybe a chili land
00:05:13
sunflower seed will >> just just a Mexican guy grows in your backyard. What I'm going to do is I'm going to
00:05:17
convert my backyard because I have the um that that um not asphalt but the fake grass. What do you call that?
00:05:23
>> Fake grass. >> Is that what I call it? >> I think so. >> I mean, what do they call it?
00:05:26
>> I mean turf. >> Turf. >> Yeah, >> I have turf. I'm going to take that out.
00:05:29
Put real American soil on there. >> American soil. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to put American
00:05:34
soil on there, man. I'm going to get American seeds. >> You know what I mean? I'm not growing
00:05:38
hummus. >> I'm growing hummus, dude. >> Okay. >> You know what I mean? American [ __ ]
00:05:46
Tomatoes. >> That's a net joke. >> That's a Netanyahu joke. >> Yeah, it is.
00:05:49
>> No, it's not, dude. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Yeah. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing
00:05:53
[ __ ] Goya. Is Goya. It's Goya thing. >> What is Goya? I don't know.
00:05:57
>> Okay. >> It just sounds like a Greek thing. I don't know. Is Hispanic? Yeah. I'm not
00:06:02
only American. You know what I mean? Vegetables and >> hot dogs. Cheese. >> You can't grow hot dogs.
00:06:07
>> Pretzels. >> No. No. I'm growing vegetables and fruits. >> Well, you don't grow hummus either.
00:06:12
>> You don't grow hummus. Chickpeas. >> It's a bean. >> It's chickpeas.
00:06:15
>> It's a chickpea. We're How do you get chickpeas? >> You grow it.
00:06:17
>> Exactly. That's what I'm saying. No chickpeas. >> No chickpeas in our house.
00:06:21
>> Not Well, no. I mean, I'll eat it like if I'm with, you know. >> No, it's American. We're not doing that.
00:06:25
>> No, I love hummus, but I'm just saying. >> All right. >> I do love hummus. But
00:06:29
>> But look, chickpeas are very easy to grow. >> Nutrient-dense and drought tolerant
00:06:33
legumes that thrive in warm weather, maturing in 90 days. >> All right, I'll get chickpeas. I'll do
00:06:38
I'll do chickpeas. >> We'll be hummus boys. >> Yeah, we'll be hummus boys. But I just
00:06:41
think that I have this fear that something's about to happen. So I'm going to Y2K this.
00:06:46
>> So you think a global >> is that the right? >> Yes. >> Y2K. Yeah.
00:06:49
>> And you know what happened there? Nothing. >> Yeah. I know. >> So it's going to be the same result.
00:06:53
>> It doesn't matter though because it could have happened. >> The global food source will be depleted
00:06:56
in your opinion in the next couple of years. We're about to run out something.
00:06:59
>> The straight herus is closed. We don't know when that is going to open up. So
00:07:02
it's >> Well, just make it crooked then. Crooked the hermoose if we can.
00:07:05
>> Yeah. >> Stop straightening that thing out. >> Yeah. You know what I should have done?
00:07:09
What I should have done should have done. I'm so tired. Um, >> you know, 200 years ago, they should
00:07:16
just widen that thing. But they they have more foresight. >> You know what I mean? But I'm like, hey,
00:07:20
you we could make it wider. >> What? The straight. >> Yeah. Wider. >> Be good.
00:07:27
>> Bigger. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You should have been a civil engineer.
00:07:31
>> I know. >> I watched Plurbus again last night and that is literally what we're kind of
00:07:34
what we're talking about. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Did you finish it?
00:07:37
>> Mhm. >> Gosh, it's pretty good. I got one left. I think >> it's a really good show,
00:07:40
>> but we got to watch it in chunks because it's anxietyinducing. So, I can't get
00:07:43
through the whole thing at once. >> You have no anxiety, >> huh? >> You have no anxiety?
00:07:47
>> I have all of it >> about the world. >> Oh. Oh. About the world? Yeah.
00:07:50
>> No, I'm comfortable, dude. I'm comfortably numb. >> Oh, you're numb.
00:07:54
>> Like the song? >> Yeah. >> I have become comfortably >> comfortably numb.
00:08:01
>> Good. It's a good song. >> Yeah, you nailed it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, the doomsday
00:08:05
clock January 27th, 2026, as of this year, was set at 85 seconds to midnight. Closest the clock has ever been to
00:08:11
midnight in its history. Wow. >> Well, speed it up. Push the seconds over. Let's have fun.
00:08:15
>> Yeah. There's a lot of anxiety I feel in the world. I think maybe I'm just like,
00:08:18
you know, I mean, a sensitive guy and I just can feel things. But like, you know, when you walk into a coffee shop
00:08:23
and you look at somebody, right? What's wrong? >> I'm a sensitive guy. I can feel things.
00:08:29
>> You're an empath. Is that what you you're thinking? >> Well, I'm dating a witch. You are
00:08:33
dating. >> Yeah. So it rubs off on me. >> I know. My eye I I can't I can't see out
00:08:38
of my right eye. What are you guys doing? >> Yeah. Yeah. Like she she told me the
00:08:42
other night that she can see into the future and stuff like that. >> What does she see?
00:08:46
>> She goes she stopped doing it because it's like too much. She gets tired.
00:08:52
>> That's a reason. >> I mean she got taught it. You know what I mean? Not also not just look into the
00:08:56
future like like look into people's and communicate with like spirits and stuff,
00:08:59
right? And she's like, "It's >> I could run a three-minute mile, but I
00:09:05
just don't want to do it." >> Yeah. Yeah. No, but it >> I just don't feel like doing it. But I
00:09:09
can. >> That's pretty much it. >> Yeah. It's ridiculous. >> That's not ridiculous. You can do it,
00:09:12
but you just won't. >> No, you literally can't. >> You can though.
00:09:15
>> Physical limitation. >> Can you a threeminute mile? No. >> Okay.
00:09:18
>> No, nobody can. >> Okay. No one can ride do a three-minute mile. >> Not you or me.
00:09:25
>> I know. But there are people out in the world that can. >> Yeah. Maybe like Mafongo Babango. Yeah.
00:09:29
Yeah. Mafunga mong. He can >> do it. Well, the girl that I'm dating is
00:09:33
the mafunga mafongo of witches. >> No human has ever run a 3-minute mile. >> Okay,
00:09:37
>> wait a minute. She said she could look into the future. I need to hear the
00:09:39
rest. >> Not the future. It's more like um she can um see things, communicate with spirits,
00:09:46
and see things in the past. And um >> that's the opposite. >> She's going the wrong way.
00:09:54
>> She's Oh, yeah. >> She's She's in Wait, dude. She's in that
00:09:57
other universe. communicating and she's going backwards and they're like the
00:10:01
information's up here. She took >> I don't know why you guys are laughing
00:10:06
at this, you know, I mean, religion. >> It's it's absolutely mindboggling,
00:10:12
>> dude. [ __ ] you. >> It's absolutely mindboggling that you would take one's religion and mock it.
00:10:21
Witches and magic practitioners often use divination such as tarot runes or scrying.
00:10:28
>> She's crying all the time, dog. >> She's crying. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One time her dog
00:10:33
actually started crying. >> Do I believe >> they they cry different? They cry.
00:10:38
>> Oh, they cry. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They don't. Yeah. It's
00:10:40
even more painful. >> Yeah. Yeah. So >> they float when they cry. They cry.
00:10:44
>> Yeah. So, you know, to We live in a country where we have freedom of religion.
00:10:49
>> That's right, baby. best country in the world. >> And for you to mock one's religion is to
00:10:54
me absurd and offending. >> Time out. >> It offend It offends me. >> You're allowed to have the freedom to
00:11:00
religion to any religion. >> Yeah. >> I have the freedom of speech to mock
00:11:04
your religion. >> Which religion is this? >> Yeah. >> Which witchcraft? Witchcraft is a
00:11:09
religion. >> It is a religion. >> But I have the freedom of speech. >> Buddhism is a religion, is it not?
00:11:13
>> Yeah, it is. But we can mock it. That's the whole point of freedom of speech.
00:11:16
>> Wikah. Like how >> Wiccans. >> Yeah. Wiccans. Yeah. >> Jetski grew up.
00:11:19
>> Yeah. But you know >> what you're saying is contradictory in of itself. If it's protected religion,
00:11:24
then so is speech. So we can make fun of it. That's the point. >> But it's kind of my religion.
00:11:27
>> It's not yours. >> I know. >> I know it's not. But I want to defend
00:11:33
the right >> that people have the right to have their own religion >> and people have the right and I'll
00:11:37
defend. >> And you're laughing. You guys are laughing as if like it's not real.
00:11:40
>> No. Could be. >> No. No. We're laughing. >> It could be.
00:11:42
>> We're laughing because it's real. >> That's the god she believes.
00:11:46
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. That's the goat god. >> Yeah. And tell me,
00:11:49
>> I've seen that guy on Labraa before. >> Yeah. Now tell me, Carlos, you you were
00:11:53
at the drawing room at 1:30 in the morning and you saw that. >> Yeah. In Los Felis at the drawing room
00:12:00
at 1:30, right, Makone? >> Yeah. At the end of the [ __ ] bar. You've seen her or whatever that is.
00:12:05
>> Hey, can I get a drink? >> You buy me a drink. >> Somebody buy that girl a drink.
00:12:10
>> I walked here from Echo Park. >> You know, the horned goat lives in Echo
00:12:16
Park. I I got a great one bed, one bath. >> What else does she tell you about the
00:12:21
future? Did she tell us what's coming? Has she given you any insight? >> Well, you remember I told you that I
00:12:25
found your name in my freezer, right? >> She was putting it in there. >> No, that's not Did I tell you that?
00:12:31
>> You told me. She made you put it in there to cool me off. >> Yeah. Yeah. To cool you off. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:34
Yeah. Yeah. >> It didn't work. >> No. >> You're hot. >> The freezer spell involving your name is
00:12:40
typically used in witchcraft to blind stop or banish a person from causing trouble.
00:12:44
>> Exactly. That's what I was doing. >> Freezing their negative actions or cold
00:12:46
was banishing you, dude. >> Didn't work. >> I know it didn't work. You're I know. I
00:12:50
realize that. I realize that you're unbanishable. Also, I realize that, you know, I mean,
00:12:54
>> you can't be binded. >> You can't bind me. >> Like in Lord of the Rings, that ring.
00:12:59
No. Nothing on you. No bind. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what race
00:13:02
you are in that world, dude. But you cannot be bound to that ring. >> Unbound.
00:13:05
>> You're unbound. Yeah. So, that didn't work. You can be stopped.
00:13:09
>> You could be stopped. You know what I mean? But it would take like, you know,
00:13:11
I mean, a Russian army, I think, to stop you. So, >> don't tempt those guys cuz they'll do
00:13:15
it. So witchcraft to bind, stop or banish. >> Yeah, banish. >> Two, three of those you can't do to
00:13:21
Anderson. You know, I tried to freeze your negativity and it didn't work. Also, it was in there for like months.
00:13:27
>> It was between um you butcher box butcher box meat and a frozen pizza. >> Didn't work.
00:13:34
>> Yeah. I put it between like, you know what I mean? And then like one day we're
00:13:36
like, "Well, eat a pork chop." And we lifted it, right? And there was like
00:13:39
Andrew, get a [ __ ] piece of pizza. >> Just my face. >> No, just get your name.
00:13:43
>> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. And I I ripped it up. I got >> Oh, you ripped it up.
00:13:47
>> Yeah. Because that vanished. >> Oh, that's why I was having back pain
00:13:50
that day. >> Oh, you got black back. Maybe that was like ow ow. >> Ow ow ow ow ow.
00:13:57
>> Bind this [ __ ] >> Unbound. >> Yeah. But uh you know who is a huge
00:14:02
soccer fan? I just had no idea. >> Is Gillis. >> Oh, is he? >> Uhhuh.
00:14:06
>> Love soccer. >> Yeah. We were in the van. We had lunch and um you know I was watching the um
00:14:12
Arsenal Champions League game on my phone. He's like, "What are you watching?" And I go, "Arsenal playing,
00:14:17
you know." And he goes, "Fuck Arsenal." I go, "Fuck you."
00:14:23
>> Of course I would say that cuz I defend myself. >> That's your argument.
00:14:25
>> Yeah. That's an argument. >> That's my argument. Yeah. >> Yeah. You know me.
00:14:28
>> Who does he follow? >> Can I just finish our conversation? And I go, "What' you say to me, man?" He
00:14:33
said, "You said that this Reuben was the best thing on the menu wasn't." Cuz he
00:14:37
was like, "You got to try the Reuben." It was okay. Anyway, he's a Manu fan.
00:14:42
>> He's a Manchester United fan. >> Thank you. >> And then I asked him like specific
00:14:46
questions. He knew >> everything. It was I was mindboggled. >> He's a big sports fan.
00:14:51
>> No, but he was like, I've been following them since I was a kid or whatever. I
00:14:54
even historically I was asking him questions. And Gillis is a Manu fan. So is Give me Give me another comic that's
00:14:59
a Manu fan. Do you know? >> Uh I feel like we do know someone that's a Manu fan. They have the They have
00:15:04
tatted on them. Oh, Ian Edwards. >> Yep. >> Yeah, >> exactly. He has a tattoo. Doesn't he
00:15:08
have a tattoo? >> Uh, yeah. >> Couldn't see it anyway. >> I knew I could.
00:15:13
>> It was about to come up. Dude, you're so fast today. >> There's only one.
00:15:16
>> I'm so tired. You can't be quick today. >> Okay. >> Yeah. It's just too, you know,
00:15:22
>> Yeah. It's too You know what I mean? You talk so fast sometimes. I'm not there.
00:15:26
>> Using the laser gun. >> It's like those Greenland sharks. You
00:15:32
know those [ __ ] Have we talked about that? >> Greenland sharks. >> Yeah. They they they live to over 400
00:15:38
years old. Some of them 500 years old. >> Really? The Greenland shark, the uh
00:15:44
longest lived vertebrae on Earth. Studies estimated live 400 [ __ ] years. They're found in the cold,
00:15:49
deepest part of the Arctic and North Atlantic. These shark Hey, is my ex up there? These sharks grow at a glacial
00:15:55
pace for only 1 centimeter per year, reaching maturity around 150 years old. So, they grow up at 150. That's when
00:16:01
they're like an adult. >> What happened historically 400 years ago? Just Google that. What do you mean?
00:16:05
Like what happened right from today? >> From today 400 years ago, a Greenland
00:16:08
shark >> was born. >> Just say born. >> Google. >> Yeah. Yeah. Google that. I want to see
00:16:12
>> what happened today. 400 years ago. >> Yeah. What happened today? 400 years ago
00:16:15
or this month. >> No, just say today. >> 1526. >> Uh 14 uh 400 m get hit by a bus. Um
00:16:22
August, what is this? Around 400 years ago, the first recorded Africans arrived in English colony of Virginia at Point
00:16:28
Comfort Rutro. >> Rutro marking a pivotal tragic start to slavery in North America. Roughly 20s
00:16:35
late people were traded for supplies. >> Yeah. >> Uh okay. Okay. Greenland shark. Not a
00:16:40
good time. >> I KNOW. NOT A GOOD BIRTHDAY. YEAH. TIME. YEAH. I mean people are on the you know
00:16:44
I mean on the old baby's born. >> Wow. Not good. >> It's not good.
00:16:50
>> Not good. >> I'm just saying though that they've been around. I mean imagine there is
00:16:54
something on live today that witness that not witness. He wasn't online going
00:16:58
oh my god THIS IS AN ATROCITY. He wasn't like, "I got to check this out." You know, as a baby, you know what
00:17:05
I mean? But he was still a lot deep in the ocean born when this [ __ ] was going
00:17:09
on. >> What are you GUYS DOING? >> WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING, MAN? >> ARE YOU GUYS TRADING and buying humans?
00:17:15
I'm going to go back to the depths of the ocean. That's crazy. Imagine interviewing one right now on his
00:17:20
deathbed and he's like, "Do you guys still buy humans?" >> Like,
00:17:24
>> yeah, >> that that's what they look like. >> Yeah, that's what they look like. They
00:17:27
look 400 years. >> They look old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> 400 years. That's crazy.
00:17:31
>> Beautiful though. >> It's beautiful. >> What's the longest species that What's
00:17:34
the longest age length of a species on Earth? What species the longest? >> That one.
00:17:38
>> Yeah, that's it. >> Longest living vertebrate. >> Vertebrate. Yeah.
00:17:40
>> Yeah. Vertebrate. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Longest. >> I'm sure there are plants or trees that
00:17:43
are longer, do you think? >> Trees live. Yeah. The longest lived individual invertebrate uh is the ocean
00:17:49
quahog. A clam that can live over 500 years. >> No. >> Wow. >> Wow.
00:17:55
>> Oh. Or the immortal jellyfish. They put it right there on the >> So cl What happened five year 100 years
00:17:59
ago? Google >> 500 years ago today. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm a clam.
00:18:05
>> What did he What did we see? >> I'm a clam. I'm We're clams. We're
00:18:08
clams. >> What did we What did we see? What did we see? >> So, tell us what the world was like.
00:18:12
Well, it was shaped by the height of the prot the Protestant Reformation, expansion of Spanish Empire. Boo.
00:18:17
>> And the flowering of the Italian Renaissance. Yay. >> Oh, this be this painting is beautiful.
00:18:22
>> Gorgeous. >> A clam today was just like, wow, look at the artistry.
00:18:27
>> Well, look at that for me. So, a clam saw me. >> Whoa. On the beach saw me.
00:18:32
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> What is he doing? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or me. I'm
00:18:36
I'm more of a Columbus guy. >> No. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean?
00:18:42
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. You're happy about Mellin. No. Uh >> I like I like Columbus.
00:18:46
>> That was their soccer teams back then. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Are you a diehard Columbus fan? I'm a
00:18:49
Mellin guy. The Inca civilization at its peak in South America stretching from modern day Colombia to Chile just before
00:18:55
the Spanish conquest in 1533. Another bad thing you've done. So basically what
00:18:58
we're finding out through the history of invertebrates and vertebrates is you
00:19:02
guys are no good. >> Pieces of [ __ ] >> Pieces of [ __ ] >> Well in the Philippines you guys. Oh my
00:19:06
god. >> Oh my god. What did you do? >> You lapu. >> Okay. So Google zoom in real fast. I
00:19:13
immortal jellyfish. A glass sponge lives up to 15,000 years. >> Whoa. What? 15,000 years.
00:19:21
>> What happened 15,000 years ago? >> I'm a GL. We're We're glass sponges.
00:19:29
>> We're We're glass sponges. >> All right. Around 15,000 years ago.
00:19:31
>> BE A GLASS. YEAH. Be a glass sponge, dude. >> The world was transitioning out of the
00:19:34
last ice age, bringing warming climate, producing glaciers. >> Man, IS IT GETTING WARMER?
00:19:40
>> I CAN FEEL MY TOES. >> I CAN FEEL MY TOES FINALLY, DUDE. >> WHOA, DUDE.
00:19:43
>> HUMANS BEGIN transitioning from purely nomadic foraging to living in semi-permanent settlements.
00:19:48
>> Yeah. What? Oh, they are. >> And the suburbs were born. No, I'm
00:19:51
kidding. >> The use of clay for artistic expression began. beads, pendants rather than
00:19:55
utility. Children and adults were shaping clay reflecting a forgotten chapter in social development.
00:20:00
>> Wow. >> It is cool to be the first person. >> WHAT DO YOU CALL that hammer?
00:20:04
>> We witnessed. >> Yeah, we saw a hammer. >> We saw a hammer, dude. And getting
00:20:07
invented. That's insane. >> Hammer in the morning. >> Is that insane?
00:20:09
>> There are glass jelly. What are they called? >> Glass sponges. >> Glass.
00:20:13
>> Glass sponges that were around when a [ __ ] hammer was invented. >> Wow.
00:20:18
>> Yeah. >> The same guy. >> What do you mean? >> Glass sponge. Same guy today. Same guy
00:20:23
today. Same dude. Yeah. Yeah. >> Same guy. >> Same dude is still around.
00:20:30
>> Crazy. >> Is it boring? >> I bet he's having a good time.
00:20:33
>> No. No. All he's doing is this. >> Depends on who's visiting him.
00:20:36
>> Have you done this? >> How long can you do this? >> 15,000 years.
00:20:41
>> That's insane. But there's no thought. There's no >> This is the funniest thing. He literally
00:20:45
Googled Glass Bunch's daily life. As if they have like a n, you know, 9 to5.
00:20:49
>> Y'all brought it to life. >> Yeah. Yeah. Give me daily life of of
00:20:53
>> Bobby. Bobby, he's got the glass sponge as a get ready with me Tik Tok.
00:20:58
>> Get ready for me to float in the ocean again. >> I have the answer.
00:21:02
>> Sitting in one place using their silica glass uh spicules. Oh, whoops. Sorry. To
00:21:07
filter vast amounts of water for bacteria and plankton. So, they're filtering. They're living fossils. They
00:21:11
can live forever and ever and ever. Show me the video of the glass sponge. I'd
00:21:14
love to take a look. You know, this is the thing about this show. Is it a poop fart show? Yeah. But do you learn? You
00:21:18
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disclosures at acorns.com/badfriends. >> Shopify. >> Yay guys. If you have an online business
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00:23:53
That is shopify.com/badfriends. Shopify.com/bad friends. >> Maybe this thing.
00:24:01
>> Okay. >> Which is filmer. Well, most sponges are classified. >> Is this fancy? Did he do this?
00:24:07
That is the >> my previous job. >> Glass sponges are classified in the
00:24:11
class hexakin. >> They're actually beautiful, >> dude. >> They exist in all ocean.
00:24:14
>> Is he a deer? >> They're Asian and white. >> The only two colors back there.
00:24:19
>> We started it all. >> Poor sponges, >> dude. We started it all. Asians and
00:24:22
whites. >> And you know why they're so pretty? You know why, Bob? Cuz they're untouched,
00:24:26
>> right? >> Cuz no one's [ __ ] with them. That's why they're pretty.
00:24:29
>> I want to kill one. >> Okay. >> Strange life. Survival in the dark
00:24:33
depths. >> Oh, look at that. >> They beautiful geometric shapes. They
00:24:36
get to form into the silicon structures are so well formed that they can transmit light similar to fiber optics.
00:24:41
Amazing. >> Yeah, but there here's my argument against this. >> Yeah, let's find something negative.
00:24:46
>> I'll say well because the difference between that and obviously the uh the U
00:24:50
Greenland shark is there's no consciousness. It doesn't have a brain >> as far as you know.
00:24:57
>> But it it doesn't like you know I mean it doesn't have thoughts like you know I
00:24:59
mean you know I mean why did dad leave? >> Where did all my friends go? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. or you know what I
00:25:06
mean? Or you know what I mean? God gas prices are so high. I mean they don't
00:25:09
have thoughts >> and he's like well they are doing well you saw what they're doing to Iran.
00:25:12
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean there's no right. So >> they're not on Twitter. I get it.
00:25:16
>> Yeah. A Greenland shark. You know I mean I don't know what they're thinking
00:25:18
about. Probably food first. >> Food for 400 years. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's the second Coachella
00:25:23
tickets. >> No, I'm kidding. That's >> Do you think they got backstage passes?
00:25:26
>> What? >> The Greenland sharks got backstage passes. >> You think so? It's like when Greenland
00:25:30
shark watching Harry Styles just popping. No. Uh, so I mean I'm Greenland shark has a brain and is right
00:25:39
>> hunting in the brains. Greenland shark. >> All they do is hunt all day.
00:25:42
>> And they have brains, right? So they have thoughts. >> They don't think much.
00:25:45
>> How do you know? >> It says >> they're instinct. They're they're living
00:25:48
purely by instinct, focusing on slow motion, scavenging, opportunistic hunting in the dark. But that every day
00:25:54
is a new day to hunt. So it must be fascinating to them because they're approaching new [ __ ] all the time. They
00:25:59
don't stay in the same place. Do they stay in the same area? Right. I thought
00:26:01
they >> but also far and wide. >> Swimmers of their size, they have stealth mode.
00:26:05
>> Stealth mode. >> But also this, right? It's like they have to know what to eat and what not to
00:26:10
eat. So they don't they eat everything. >> That's instinct. You don't have to know
00:26:13
it. >> Garbage dispos. >> It's just like, you know what I mean? A
00:26:15
diet Pepsi can, aluminum can, they eat. I mean, >> that's what instinct is. You don't have
00:26:18
to know it. >> They literally say, >> so that's not a thought process.
00:26:21
>> Listen, that's an instinct. >> Despite Despite being apex predators,
00:26:24
they're primarily scavengers or garbage disposals with diets that include seals,
00:26:28
polar bears, reindeer, anything. They'll eat anything. >> Reindeer. They'll eat [ __ ] anything.
00:26:32
>> Reindeer. >> Yeah. Reindeer. >> Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where does it
00:26:37
say reindeer? >> Right there. Right. I just >> Yeah. Yeah. Go. Where?
00:26:41
>> Reindeer. >> Reindeer. >> Santa's after, you know, they drop.
00:26:47
>> Oh, he crashes into the ocean, >> right? And then Greenland sharks are
00:26:51
like >> ho ho ho. >> Every year he kills them. >> Every 300 years he does this, right? And
00:26:59
he just eats one. Huh? >> What the [ __ ] is that? >> That lives on most Greenland sharks.
00:27:05
They just don't care because >> Oh, on their eyeballs, right? They Yeah,
00:27:08
they I saw a documentary where they live on the eyeball so they can't even see.
00:27:13
>> Tocoiraidita is a monotopic genius of corps, a soul species being. However, the specimen has
00:27:23
been found in the skin of the great lantern shark, which has been assigned to the to the genus, but not the
00:27:27
species. But they live in the eyeball. >> That's amazing. >> Yeah,
00:27:31
>> that's how much the Greenland shark does. >> Both eyes. So, the Greenland shark can't
00:27:34
see. You mean cuz they got little dudes on their eye. >> Just clean it out.
00:27:38
>> Well, they have no arms. That's the problem. >> They don't have arms.
00:27:41
>> Oh, dude. No. >> What is going on down there? >> Yeah. >> They can't wave or anything.
00:27:45
>> Well, what if one shark >> They can't even wave to their friends
00:27:47
like, "What's up, dude? I haven't seen you IN 300 YEARS. HEY DUDE, I HAVEN'T SEEN you in 350
00:27:54
years. >> WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, DUDE? >> OH, I WAS OVER THERE. He says
00:27:58
>> there. They could blow bubbles. What if they blew bubbles right on the parasites
00:28:02
and got it out of there? >> Then they can't do it. >> I mean, I would rub it against like a
00:28:06
rock or something. Can you do that? >> Yeah, >> just gently rub it against a rock. But I
00:28:10
guess they don't even know how to do that. >> Yeah, they're dumb. They run on into
00:28:13
>> Yeah, they just don't know. >> They have a brain though. >> Yeah. Wouldn't the brain tell them to
00:28:16
rub their eye? >> No. >> No. Because it's like, you know, you don't It's so dark down there. Who gives
00:28:22
a [ __ ] >> Hey, that's what Google says. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so dark
00:28:25
down there. You could have whatever on your eyes. >> It doesn't matter.
00:28:28
>> I mean, you could put peanut butter on your eye. It doesn't even matter.
00:28:32
You know, >> they do have peanut butter down there. >> Yeah. I know they do a lot.
00:28:35
>> Yeah. But you can do whatever with your eyes. >> You know, I mean, they can be Asian down
00:28:38
there. They don't >> No, they are kind of >> Yeah. That's not even
00:28:42
>> Asian Greenland shark. That out. >> No, I'll leave it in. >> Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:45
>> Asian Greenland shark. >> Wow. Uh, they live forever. >> They live forever.
00:28:50
>> Who? Okay, let me ask >> Oh, look at that. He's eating udon right
00:28:52
there. >> Yeah. Let me ask you, what's the a Don't Google it yet. What's the apex predator
00:28:57
in the ocean? >> Probably >> the one that no one [ __ ] with. >> The killer whale.
00:29:04
>> That's it, dude. Yeah, >> you're brilliant. Brilliant. >> No one can No one can bind him.
00:29:08
>> The killer whale. Isn't that the >> No one can bind him or banish.
00:29:11
>> Can't be bound. >> Yeah. >> Can't be bound. Can't put me in a
00:29:13
freezer. >> Yeah. >> Can't put me in a freezer. >> But yes, it's the orca.
00:29:16
>> It's the orca. Yeah, the killer whale. killer whale. Dude, those guys are
00:29:18
insane. >> But not as cool as a sperm whale, which gets up to the size of like, you know,
00:29:23
three school buses or whatever. >> Yeah, but an or have you seen an orca pop his head out and look at you?
00:29:28
>> No. >> Yeah, >> I've never had it look at me. >> Well, I mean, me either. I just saw on
00:29:32
YouTube, but I'm just saying they do it. >> They'll just pop up right with their one
00:29:37
eye and look at you to see if some it's something that they want to eat. >> [ __ ]
00:29:40
>> You know what I mean? And then they go, "Nah." You know what I mean? And then
00:29:43
they pop back down. >> Can you imagine being eaten by one of those things?
00:29:46
>> Oh. Oh yeah, >> cuz sharks bite, but they don't always consume. These things eat you whole.
00:29:50
>> Yeah. They're not saying hello there. They're going, "Can I eat? Should I eat
00:29:54
you? >> I'm going to eat you." >> Yeah. Yeah. >> How many people get eaten by orcas every
00:29:57
year? >> Not a lot. >> No. >> Let's guess. Let's guess. Let's guess
00:30:00
before. >> Seven. >> You think so? >> Yeah. >> I'm going to go 16.
00:30:04
>> Oh, okay. All right. Uh, orcas kill zero people a year in the wild. >> No documented cases.
00:30:11
>> Wow. They don't like us. We don't taste good. >> Wait a minute. For sure. I feel like
00:30:15
we've heard a story where someone's been eaten by. While hum while orcas are
00:30:18
powerful apex predators, they do not view humans as prey. >> We only taste good to Jeffrey Dmer.
00:30:22
>> That's the only apex predator that we taste. >> Sitting in the ocean for a long time
00:30:28
>> waiting for you to take a swim. >> There have been no confirmed records of
00:30:34
wild orcas killing a human. Not even researchers that are in the wrong place, wrong time.
00:30:38
>> How many How many people are killed by polar bears every year? >> Let's guess.
00:30:43
>> One. It's got to be more than that because researchers get killed on act
00:30:46
I'm saying five. >> Between 1870 and 2014 there were 73 confirmed polar bear attacks resulting
00:30:51
in 20 human deaths >> in that all that time. >> Yeah. It's not a lot.
00:30:55
>> That's not a lot. >> It's not a lot. >> Yeah. >> It's not a lot. So it's probably less
00:30:58
than one percentwise. >> How about dogs? >> How many people die by dogs every year?
00:31:02
>> Oh my god. >> That one's got to be high. >> High. Guess guess
00:31:08
like a hundred. >> No, I'll say 1,200. >> Holy [ __ ] That's a lot.
00:31:11
>> Yeah. I think Bob's right. >> 30 to 50. I was right. >> Just in the US.
00:31:15
>> Oh, not just US. In the world, we said >> world >> 25,000 to three 30,000 human deaths
00:31:20
annually worldwide. >> I was closer. >> You were way off. We were way off.
00:31:23
>> I know. >> The majority of these fatalities are caused by trans. >> Well, does that include
00:31:27
>> Oh, rabies virus. People that get >> ah no, I'm I'm not like, you know, we're
00:31:31
talking about like mauling. >> M to death is way less. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:34
>> Way less. India accounts for a significant portion of these deaths where high populations of stray dogs
00:31:38
contribute to the risk. Right. Those videos you see, there's just dogs literally. There's like every human
00:31:43
there's another dog next to them. >> Yeah. Dingo uh probably kill people,
00:31:48
too. >> They don't. It's a lie. >> Dingo. >> No, that was like an old weird You know,
00:31:51
the dingo ate your babies of falsity. >> Okay. >> The dingoes are just like small dogs.
00:31:55
>> Oh, they are? >> Yeah. They're little little tiny. You didn't see one when we were over there?
00:31:58
>> I start dingo. >> God, I love dingoes. I love me dingo. My You're going back to
00:32:05
Australia. Are you excited? You're going to go see our boys Brad and Shrimp?
00:32:08
>> Yeah. I can't wait. >> It's going to be fun down there. >> Um
00:32:13
Okay. Well, that's all all our um >> animal talk. >> Well, no. I mean, because I've been
00:32:19
because instead of um the war, I've been trying to like get my algorithm to change to more animal.
00:32:24
>> I've only been watching war. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to do it more
00:32:26
animal, you know, around the world. So, it's like, you know, >> trying to change my algorithm on my Tik
00:32:31
Tok because it depresses me, >> you know. Open up your TikTok right now. What's the first video that you have up
00:32:36
there? >> I don't want to. All right. What's your >> I want to see what my algorithm is. Sean
00:32:41
Penn and Zack Alfan >> rentree in my mind. I'm going to be 37 this year. And I like to think about
00:32:49
when my parents were 37. >> Like stuff like that. >> Yeah. Sick of Greenland shark on her.
00:32:54
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Let me just Yeah. I'll open up and let me hear what this says then. Ready?
00:32:58
>> Yeah. >> Just here and I'll see. >> Oh, it's a guy jumping off of a cliff
00:33:05
doing in skydiving. >> Yeah. Yeah. We're in LA trying supposedly the best
00:33:11
shawarma in the city. >> Kill yourself. Everything is kill yourself. Jesus Christ.
00:33:16
>> And whenever you hear those like Tik Toks, I go >> and I never I I disagree.
00:33:21
>> Every time I disagree. I've never went, "Yeah, that guy was right. This is the
00:33:24
best burrito." No, I've never happened. Well, that's like I saw one today that
00:33:27
was uh uh boiled hamburgers from 1903 and like they live, you know, I was like doing an advertisement for this place
00:33:37
and pets. That's it. Boiled hamburgers in in Wisconsin. Look at the video of
00:33:41
them boiling a hamburger. This guy can't even explain. That's not it. I wish that
00:33:44
was the video. >> The guy can't even explain. They were like, "What do they taste like?" And
00:33:49
he's like, "Well, good." He couldn't even tell you. >> Yeah.
00:33:52
>> Boiled. >> Oh my god, that sounds soggy. So soggy. >> Oh my god.
00:33:57
>> There it is. Right there. Do that one. Seven. Celebrating down. Celebrating 115
00:34:00
years of boiled. >> Yeah. This is the guy. >> This guy right here. >> No, no, no. That's the new
00:34:05
>> He looks like a boiled hand. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> The firefighters the burgers and from
00:34:10
there >> they pour water on them the whole time. >> Oh, what you're saying is that they
00:34:13
don't boil the bun. >> They boil the burger. >> I thought you said I thought you thought
00:34:19
a hamburger. No. No. Stop. Push. Pause. Okay. >> Boil the bun. >> You just lied.
00:34:25
WHAT? YOU LIED. What are you talking about? >> A hamburger is with the bun as well.
00:34:31
So, you're saying they boil the patty? >> Yes, that's the point. >> Well, then just say patty.
00:34:36
>> They also don't boil the the cheese or the lettuce. >> That's what I thought, though. Well,
00:34:42
then that's not a hamburger. What? >> Are you the dumbest guy alive? >> No. No. Are you a liar?
00:34:47
>> When I just said it's called a boiled hamburger, that's what it's called.
00:34:52
>> Okay, now I'm getting the context of it. So, the meat I'm sorry, I'm tired. Don't
00:34:56
even Don't try to like backtrack. >> I'm not backtracking out of it, dude. I
00:35:00
need to defend my [ __ ] life here, dude. Please. >> All right. It's just in my mind, it's
00:35:03
like they boil the hamburger. Now, in my mind, you envision a hamburger, >> right? Which Let me finish.
00:35:11
>> You envision A HAMBURGER FULLY COOKED. LET ME FINISH. Let me finish. >> And then they boiled it.
00:35:15
>> Yeah. Yeah. So, they So, they put the [ __ ] bread down. That's how you put
00:35:18
the meat, right? Then onions, cheese, you mean relish, ketchup, right? And more bread, right? And then they boil
00:35:25
the whole thing. >> That's what you thought a boil. >> In my mind, I'm like, it's so soggy.
00:35:28
>> Oh my god, dude. >> So, if they boil the meat, that doesn't sound that bad.
00:35:33
>> It looks Look at it. That looks disgusting. >> Okay. >> Sloppy. It looks like a It looks like
00:35:38
>> I mean, it's better than boiling the whole thing. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shouldn't boil the
00:35:43
whole thing. >> So good. >> Yeah. >> Press play. Watch him smash it in the
00:35:47
water. >> Okay. >> I mean, it's it's ludicrous. >> Was that Is that dumb of me? Really?
00:35:52
Yes. >> No, I don't think so. >> Yeah. >> Look. Look at that. Look at that. Press
00:35:59
play. Smashing it in the water. That looks disgusting. >> Oh god. Dude, >> can you push pause for a second, please?
00:36:08
Can I defend this? >> Can I still try to defend it? >> Sure. Wiggle your way out of this one.
00:36:12
>> Um, sometimes, cuz this is 115 years he's been doing it, right? >> Right.
00:36:17
>> Did Did they not say that? >> Mhm. >> Okay. So, sometimes this. All right.
00:36:20
Just listen to my logic, please. Yeah, >> before you like mock me and laugh.
00:36:25
>> I already laughed. >> All right. So, because if you do, your name gets back into the
00:36:30
>> All right. I will I will try to banish you again, dude. Where's mine? Anyway,
00:36:35
>> expellious Asianist. >> All right. So, just can you just listen to my theory here? Sometimes you have to
00:36:41
think about it in context. >> Okay. >> It's everything. >> It's everything, right? So, it's like,
00:36:46
you know, people go um you know, like music from the 60s, right? I put it in context like this is the beginning of
00:36:53
you know I mean stages of rock and roll you know what I mean and so when you're
00:36:57
listening to it you listen to it with that context right it's not as well produced as like a Harry Styles album
00:37:03
for instance or whatever right so it's like when you go to Filipe's downtown
00:37:07
>> love great right right great right but you put in the context that this has
00:37:11
been around for so long and they haven't really changed their menu that much so
00:37:15
you eat it with that context like oh my god this is like you know I mean the same as it was in the ' 40s
00:37:21
And it's cool. >> Greenland shark might have had this. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or those clams. Right.
00:37:27
So what I'm saying Yeah. So what I'm saying is these boiled hamburgers is the
00:37:31
same thing. It's like a nostalgia thing. It's a context thing. You and I
00:37:35
>> when they boiled bread back then. >> I just All right. He thought they made the cheeseburger
00:37:52
and then they boiled it. >> IT'S INSANE. >> I KNOW. I I KNOW. NOW, ALL RIGHT. NOW,
00:37:59
OKAY, NOW THAT OKAY, now that I think about it, >> by the way, I agreed with him when he
00:38:03
goes, "It's got to be soggy." I go, "Yeah." I'm thinking, "Yeah, the meat's
00:38:06
got to be soggy." BUT I WAS >> HE'S LIKE, "NO, the whole thing is
00:38:09
soggy." >> And you know what? bad friends at home. Somebody please make a boiled hamburger
00:38:15
and send us a video of you boiling an entire hamburger and send it to Carlos in the booth.com.
00:38:20
>> Anyway, we, you know, went to Lor's >> Lies. >> You said it like a southern black man.
00:38:31
We're down in Lis. >> You know me and Lis. I love Lis. >> Have you been to Lis?
00:38:38
>> Lowries? Yeah. Yeah. Lis. >> Have you been there? Oh, I am. >> Yeah.
00:38:42
>> So, do you know what Lor's is? >> Right. >> Have you ever had had the seasoned salt?
00:38:48
Lies >> Lowry seasoning salt. You know that restaurant. >> So, the same year, check out this
00:38:53
information. >> Larry, >> right? The same year that he developed the salt. You mean the guy that invented
00:38:59
the salt opened a restaurant in LA called Lis on Loiaga. >> I could listen to you say it all day.
00:39:07
>> He opened up Lis. Oh, so this is day seven of me not smoking cigarettes.
00:39:12
>> Wow. You made it. >> So a week of no smoking. >> I'm so proud of you.
00:39:17
>> So, >> but wait, you went to Lowry's, >> right? And so, you know,
00:39:21
>> like cow. Yeah. Yeah. Went to Li. Yeah. >> Who that? Cali. >> Anyway, um
00:39:27
went to Law's and she's like, "What?" She goes, "There's these, you know, the
00:39:31
tin." >> Yeah. >> What? Explain it then. >> I've been to Lowry's.
00:39:34
>> What is it then? >> The tin? >> When I say tin, what do you mean
00:39:37
>> the tin? >> No. What does that mean? You know, >> when they cart out the tent.
00:39:41
>> Yeah. Yes. >> Yeah. >> Yes. Exactly. >> I've been there.
00:39:43
>> So, you know what you're talking about. >> I've been there. I told you four times.
00:39:47
>> By the way, by the way, I've been there and then I never went back.
00:39:51
>> I don't like it. >> I like it. >> You do, >> dude. It's also 60% Asians that go
00:39:55
there. >> Well, that's why I don't go. >> Yeah, we love it. >> Yeah. And
00:39:59
>> once a once a race takes over a place, I'm out. >> Okay. Well, that's crazy.
00:40:03
>> I want it diverse. >> Okay. So, anyway, we go to Lars. >> You like that? I backed right into it.
00:40:07
Right. Right. Wiggled my way out. >> You wiggle your way out. >> Escape room. Racial escape room.
00:40:11
>> Yeah. >> I don't like it when there's too many Asians cuz I like IT MORE DIVERSE.
00:40:16
>> ALL RIGHT. Let him out. >> So when you Right. >> So normally when you go to any
00:40:22
restaurant, right, you know, you order your prime rib. >> Sure. >> Right. And it just appears from the back
00:40:28
of the kitchen. >> Right. Somebody prepares it. >> Somebody boils it back.
00:40:32
>> Yeah. Boils it back there. Somebody boils up that prime rib. Go ahead. I'm
00:40:40
>> Well, okay. It turns a wet bread. This is a good a good example. What about
00:40:43
York pudding? That's a wet bread. >> Yeah, it's not our thing. >> I know. I'm just saying. So, in my mind,
00:40:49
a boiled hamburger. You mean it doesn't sound that preposterous. >> I'm going home tonight and I'm boiling.
00:40:55
>> Okay, let's let it go. >> All right, you're at Lowry's.
00:40:56
>> So, we're at Lars and and and she goes, um, and what happens is you order your
00:41:01
prime rib and there's there's different cuts that you can get. >> That's right. There's a California cot.
00:41:06
There's a regular cot. I get the um Tokyo cot, >> of course. >> Yeah. Because it's small. It's a smaller
00:41:11
price. >> Catering to their audience. >> Yeah. Yeah. And so they So you order
00:41:14
your cod and ultra sides and they bring a little tin cart >> and they bind your feet.
00:41:19
>> No. No, they don't. They don't bind. So they they they come with a tin cart,
00:41:23
right? They open it up, right? And they slice it in front of you. >> Right in front of your face,
00:41:27
>> right? And they pour all the sides in front of you. >> A lot of juices.
00:41:30
>> A lot of juices, right? They juice the [ __ ] out of it, right? M. >> And you get Yorkshire pudding.
00:41:35
>> Yeah, you do. >> Right. Which is a wet bread. >> Wet bread.
00:41:38
>> It's a wet bread. >> Yeah. It's boiled bread. >> It's boiled bread.
00:41:41
>> And then, you know, and then she goes, "Why do we they do it like this?" I go,
00:41:44
"It's the nostalgia of it." Yeah. >> They've been doing it like this since
00:41:48
like whatever the 40s and stuff and that's why um Asian people like it because it it it there's some elegance
00:41:53
to it. It's also reminiscent of the past. >> It's it kind of reminds you of The
00:41:59
Shining Ballroom in the movie The Shining, you know what I mean? that kind of a vibe, you know what I mean?
00:42:03
Gigantic chandeliers, kind of goddy a little bit, but also dark and dam. It's
00:42:08
a really cool place. And the food's great. >> It's good. >> Yeah. It's Yeah. And it's like, but it's
00:42:13
the it's the the ritual of it, right? So, when you said boil hamburgers, >> you thought about lottery.
00:42:19
>> No, I'm just saying to me it's like, you know, you know, if they've been if
00:42:23
they've been doing it whatever this region of this country for 115 years that way, right?
00:42:28
>> Wisconsin. Yeah. >> Can you imagine? This is the longest uh this is the longest
00:42:33
>> rebuttal. >> Yeah. Like a court case. The judge would be like, "Sir, sir, sir."
00:42:37
>> Yeah. >> It's We're throwing the case out. >> I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:42:39
>> No, it was very good though. >> I think that the reason why Have we
00:42:42
talked about me quitting smoking yet or no? Last time. >> Thanks. >> Go ahead.
00:42:45
>> Just briefly. >> Let's hear it. >> But why I quit? >> Cuz it's going to kill you.
00:42:49
>> That's not why. >> Good. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is why.
00:42:51
>> That is why. Yeah. Yeah. That is why. Yeah. Yeah. But >> Oh, the black.
00:42:54
>> Cuz your dog died. No. No. No. The reason why I quit smoking is cuz Remy
00:42:59
died. My dog. >> Lung cancer. >> No, man. Bob, >> go down to the college store.
00:43:11
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> How about your smoking and [ __ ] >> Let's have a stick together before we go
00:43:14
to the grocery store. No, that's not what happened. Yeah. You have [ __ ] lung cancer.
00:43:18
>> Your dog has stage four lung cancer. >> That'd be insane. >> How many packs does he smoking a day?
00:43:22
>> Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, um Hey, man. Hey, >> that little William. That go that Brad
00:43:30
William. >> What's up, man? >> Go that go that go that go that go that
00:43:33
Brad William. We thought we'd bring in your furniture from home. Make you feel
00:43:37
comfortable. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I uh I I I like it. I sat in a blue chair in case we're doing a gender
00:43:44
reveal. >> Yeah. >> All right. So, some stuff. >> Is that a This is a boiled boiled
00:43:49
hamburger. >> A boiled hamburger. >> So, so we've got this stuff. Carlos
00:43:53
brought us this stuff. Carlos, why did you bring us this? >> What is this for?
00:43:56
>> So you could see what it's like to be like brat. >> Oh. >> Oh.
00:44:01
>> So this is what it's like for a toothbrush. >> Yeah. Okay. >> So then, man. So
00:44:06
>> Wow. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It's tough, isn't it? Are big.
00:44:09
>> I realize how tough it is. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:44:12
>> But you can still write with this. >> Well, but you got to use a toothbrush
00:44:15
with two hands. >> Oh, I see. I see. A really hard scrub. >> That's the only way it works.
00:44:19
>> Exact. Exactly. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's how they polished the
00:44:23
pyramids. >> Remember back in the day? >> Dwarves didn't. >> Yeah, I wasn't there, but I'm just
00:44:29
saying. >> Wait, dwarves didn't do that. >> No, we didn't polish.
00:44:31
>> There was one dwarf that worked on the pyramid. >> How do you the the top one you got? They
00:44:36
send you up there. No, >> something tells me the dwarf was at the bottom. >> They were like, "Yeah, get the bottom.
00:44:41
Get the get down there." >> It's like, >> yeah, but you can lift him to the top to
00:44:44
put the little, you know, I mean, the temple part at the top of it. >> If you see a dwarf window washer, he's
00:44:49
not doing the top part. >> No, he's on the bottom. >> He's on the bottom.
00:44:51
>> Oh, you're on the bottom. Yeah, I'm >> I'm just saying you could be on the top.
00:44:54
>> I've always been a power bottom, Bobby. You know this, you know. Yeah. Yeah.
00:44:58
>> On top is fun for you. Is is is top fun for window washing or sex? What are we
00:45:03
talking about now? >> Have you ever been to Jimmy's? >> Wait, what? Jimmy?
00:45:08
>> Jimmy Yao? >> A U S. >> It's for men 5'8 and under.
00:45:14
>> Cuz that's where I get my suits. >> That's where he gets his suits at.
00:45:17
Jimmy. >> I didn't know this was a real place. This was never discussed in the
00:45:20
meetings. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, >> Jimmy. >> I would like to highly recommend Jimmy.
00:45:24
They would love you. >> I'm going to have to go there. >> Yeah. >> Holy [ __ ]
00:45:27
>> I go there all the time. >> So like I will walk into Jimmy and just
00:45:30
be like, "Wow, I have a challenge for you guys." >> Yeah. >> You say you you say 5'8 and under. Let's
00:45:35
Let's hit the >> No, they have it all. They have it all. They do. >> They have it all there.
00:45:39
>> My dwarf ass. >> Yeah. Go to Jimmy, dude. >> They have a section called your dwarf
00:45:43
ass >> in the back of Jimmy House. >> Yeah. >> We already plugged this guy so much.
00:45:47
We're giving him good business. >> I know. I mean now now he's going to get
00:45:51
>> probably Dinklage goes >> all my money. Yeah. >> Wait, Dinklage goes.
00:45:54
>> He hates Dinklage. Don't know. I know. >> Arch nemesis. >> I can't.
00:45:58
>> Well, you're not going to go at the same time. But you guys have like, you know
00:46:00
what I mean? A schedule. >> Aren't you guys on an app? >> Yeah, an app where it's like a We can't
00:46:06
be here at the same time. >> Two dwarfs can't be >> cuz there's only one section for you
00:46:09
people, right? So that's a lot of traffic. >> Isn't there like an eye?
00:46:12
>> You have to make an appointment, you know, of like when dwarfs can come in.
00:46:16
>> Yeah. >> Okay. So what what what's your Go ahead. >> The the Dwarf app actually uh is the
00:46:23
same as the car app. Lift. >> Lift. >> Very good. >> Good. Go ahead.
00:46:28
>> What store has the best dwarf clothing? >> Oh, the best dwarf clothing.
00:46:32
>> Yeah. >> Like Brad's going to go shopping today. >> Aside from um Gap's kids.
00:46:36
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Frotos. >> Um what called Frotos? >> Let me tell you.
00:46:42
>> He can't get >> Let me tell you. >> That's Dude, that's a great clothing.
00:46:46
Bro, dude. >> Yeah, a bag ends >> or the Shire or whatever you want to do.
00:46:53
Let me tell you, that's a I think that's a good >> clothing business. Tell the best
00:46:58
clothes. It's at Plantain Republic. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> You guys,
00:47:11
>> Plantain Republic. >> That's really funny. >> Well done. Well done. Yeah,
00:47:16
>> I I will say >> all right. >> The selection >> at Build-A-Bear.
00:47:26
So great. I knew it was coming. >> Is so great. I can be an astronaut. >> I can be a dancer.
00:47:32
>> That's so funny. >> I can do whatever I want there. >> And then we can put a little button in
00:47:34
you so you have somebody's voice inside your stomach when we press >> I finally have a heartbeat.
00:47:39
>> You don't have hearts. >> No, but where cuz remember the other day
00:47:42
you were at the store a couple months ago and I was like, "Where'd you get
00:47:44
that jacket? It's dope. >> Yeah. >> Build the bear. >> Build the bear.
00:47:50
>> I did ask him that. >> Why'd you laugh at that? >> They're not They're not for you.
00:47:56
>> I KNOW. I KNOW. I know. But >> that's why Bobby asks, >> did I not? No, I was really like I I I
00:48:02
liked your fit that night. >> Yeah. >> Right. So, I was asking like where do
00:48:05
you get like I I feel like I go where'd you get all that? You know what I mean?
00:48:09
>> And you were explain to me like you mean you know a guy >> that shirt that shirt is great. Where's
00:48:12
that shirt from? Uh, this shirt is from a uh a uh kids bowling team. >> That's dope, man.
00:48:19
>> I just jump I I just jumped them after a match. >> Imagine. >> I know what it was.
00:48:23
>> I could take them. It was the pants. >> Oh, the pants. >> You remember the pants? You go and you
00:48:27
and you bought a bunch of those. >> Yes. >> Yeah. So, that's what it was. I
00:48:30
remember. Yeah. >> Yeah. If you find something that that's good. See, I do that anyway. If I find
00:48:34
something I like, I'm buying is a bunch of them. >> Let's go. That's what you do. I buy all
00:48:38
the colors. >> You have to buy. If I like it, it fits. Cuz I don't like how certain jeans fit
00:48:42
or pant. I'm like, I'm just going to buy a few of these >> cuz cuz you have the opposite problem of
00:48:45
me. You have like long legs but then no ass. >> I got a nice ass. >> It's no ass.
00:48:51
>> Out of your [ __ ] mind. >> You're out of your [ __ ] mind. >> You kidding me? That is
00:48:53
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> But you're bending over. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really good
00:48:57
ass. >> You're sticking it out. >> A good ass, dude. >> That's booty.
00:49:00
>> Yeah, but now the pants are pushing it up. >> What about mine? What about mine?
00:49:03
>> All right. Hold on. Let Let me judge. >> You asked for it. >> I asked for it.
00:49:07
>> No. Stand straight up. Look at it now. Look at my ass. I got you know what this
00:49:12
You know what, >> brother? I got a great [ __ ] You're out of your mind.
00:49:14
>> I stand corrected. >> I have a nice [ __ ] >> I I stand corrected. Only hair at the
00:49:18
bottom. >> Yeah. >> How'd you do that? >> Well, look at this. Look inside.
00:49:22
>> It's so pink. >> Dude, you have the pinkst [ __ ] I've ever seen. It's so pink.
00:49:26
>> I won an award in 06. >> You did. >> You definitely have a virgin [ __ ]
00:49:30
>> I do, brother. >> It's like a piglet's [ __ ] this guy. >> I just never been touched. It's never
00:49:34
been touched. It's never been abused. >> Is that what I'm saying? The color has
00:49:37
nothing to do about [ __ ] abuse. It has a lot to do with it. Really? >> Yours is darkest night.
00:49:41
>> I know, but that doesn't necessarily It's not a black eye. Somebody's
00:49:44
punching my [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm just ethnic. >> They're punching with their wheel.
00:49:48
>> No, they're not, dude. No, they're not. It's >> not in your [ __ ] It's the Greenland
00:49:51
shark down there. >> Who has a darker [ __ ] The Greenland shark or me? >> By far you.
00:49:58
>> Okay. No. Like I I literally You have the pinkst [ __ ] I have ever seen.
00:50:03
>> It's so pink. It's insane. Do you [ __ ] out your mouth? Cuz there's no way.
00:50:08
There's no way [ __ ] COMES OUT. >> BRAD, YOU'RE A GENIUS. >> You must [ __ ] out your mouth. You've
00:50:13
seen what I do on stage. Yes, I do [ __ ] out of my mouth. >> Are you a little bisexual or no?
00:50:18
>> No, I I I've had a I've had a male male female threesome. >> Yeah, the devil's threesome. Devil's
00:50:26
three. >> Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of that. That move. >> The uh Yeah,
00:50:30
>> devil's two and a half. >> Yeah. >> Uh it was a lot of fun.
00:50:34
>> Oh, yeah. >> We didn't do an Eiffel Tower. We did a leaning tower of Pisa AND
00:50:43
>> it was a tall guy and me. >> Yeah, >> there's a tall guy me. So, I've done
00:50:46
that. I I don't know where that puts you. >> But did you touch the guy at all in any
00:50:50
way? >> Yeah, but it was accidental. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's always
00:50:52
accidental rubbing. >> Yeah, there was >> Well, like we had to like we had to
00:50:57
switch positions at one point and this is back. I'm going to just tell you right now, if I ever had sex with you
00:51:02
and another girl, I would be laughing so [ __ ] hard. I would not be able to get
00:51:07
hard, dude. You know how funny that'd be? Oh my god, dude. Oh my god. >> You would you would be hearing the sound
00:51:14
of Mario getting a coin every time I thrust. >> I mean, >> oh my god, dude. Oh my god. It's so
00:51:24
funny, dude. >> How All right. How scared would you be if you were having a threesome and and
00:51:29
the and the other male was a dwarf of the of of the male having the bigger dick than you?
00:51:34
>> Oh, >> cuz that that's why I got to give this guy props that had the threesome with me
00:51:39
>> because like he was very confident and then it turned out I found out why. But
00:51:43
uh he had a big old hop. >> Yeah, he had a big old hawk. >> Can I ask you a serious question at six
00:51:46
if I may? Cuz we're [ __ ] around but you know what I mean? I want to ask him
00:51:49
a serious question. >> Of course. Do you think as a comic like sometimes I think you know like the
00:51:54
reason why you know I had the upper hand in comedy was because I'm a smaller
00:51:59
Korean dude >> and I looked the way that I do right which sets me apart from other people. I
00:52:04
mean do you think that the um dwarfism helped you in your comedy? >> Oh at first it helped.
00:52:10
>> Yeah >> and then later it hurt. >> What do you mean? >> Because at first it helped because
00:52:15
>> because of his joints I mean they're really >> that's hard. I had to walk a long way.
00:52:19
Those comedy stools on stage are high. >> You know how high the stage is? >> Oh my god. I had to get a sherpa for
00:52:24
those things. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> They had to make one of those. >> Get him up on stage. Go ahead.
00:52:30
>> So, it helped at first because then for the exact reasons that you described
00:52:34
that people wanted something different on the show. They didn't want to just
00:52:37
your average straight white male like like just a straight redheaded white guy. Like that's so boring. That's just
00:52:44
so horrible and boring. even if they do have a nice >> because I believe that it was harder for
00:52:47
you. >> Let him finish it. >> But and then so that got me on shows but
00:52:52
then it was harder to get past the threshold of people think I was a gimmick >> and people to actually like pass me on
00:52:58
to the next stage of like oh no but he's he's actually funny like actually funny
00:53:03
on stage. >> Oh no, dude. I think that's your own head saying that because it's like you
00:53:06
know I mean >> there's a lot of space. >> There's a lot of space.
00:53:08
>> Yeah, >> that's an echo. >> Oh it's an Okay. >> Yeah,
00:53:12
>> that's a big old head. >> Yeah. When I was on the cruise, when I
00:53:14
was performing, I thought to myself, Brad, you would have just disappeared because it was shaking back and forth.
00:53:19
>> Oh my god. >> I love Yeah. Me and gone to the other side. >> Dude, I love comedy on cruises.
00:53:24
>> Fun, right? >> Fun. He loved it. When it's a theme cruise, did you do the do the Joker's
00:53:29
one BS cruise? >> No, I did the um the Workaholics guys. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay.
00:53:33
>> That was really fun. >> Yeah. It was me, Schwarz, and it was so much fun.
00:53:36
>> That's so cool. Uh I do the Chris Jericho rock and wrestling rager at sea.
00:53:41
>> Wow. So that's pro wrestling comedy and heavy metal on a boat. Wow.
00:53:45
>> Do you do you get to wrestle? >> Oh, there's clips. >> Oh, really?
00:53:48
>> Yeah. There there is a clip of me giving Hornswaggle a Stone Cold Stunner.
00:53:54
>> You can find that. >> [ __ ] way. >> Yeah. >> Oh, he took off your hat.
00:54:03
>> He stole my hat. That son of a [ __ ] >> Gives me the finger. >> Oh my god. That was the moment when like
00:54:12
Sonic the Hedgehog gets hit and the coins just fly out of him. >> Yeah. >> Me giving another dwarf a stunner.
00:54:17
>> You got to go down there. It'll take him an hour to get back up. >> Wow, that sounds so
00:54:21
>> That was so much fun. So like at So like >> as a wrestling fan, I can tell you like
00:54:26
the holy [ __ ] chant is like a one of the best compliments a wrestler can get. And
00:54:31
and we got that just staring at each other. >> Oh wow. Wow. Wow. >> I I didn't have to go through like a
00:54:36
table of thumb tacks or anything. >> It's a very Look at that. That's a very
00:54:39
holy [ __ ] moment. >> Did you practice that? >> No. >> Oh, instinctual.
00:54:43
>> Felt it in the moment, man. >> Yeah, that's a dwarf on dwarf crime.
00:54:47
>> Okay. >> Wow. >> I'd love to know those stats on dwarf on
00:54:51
dwarf crime. That's my Look at my favorite thing. You You did it, but it was the same height as before.
00:54:58
Nothing >> as I'm sitting down. It's the same >> same height,
00:55:03
>> bro. I have watched dwarves get into actual fights. It is so funny. >> Really? It is so funny. I So, every
00:55:10
summer there's a there's a national dwarf convention. >> Oh my god, we got to go.
00:55:15
>> We got to go. >> Where is it? >> Uh, this year it's >> This year it's Mordor. That's very good.
00:55:21
Uh, this year it's in New Orleans. >> Oh, we got to go. >> We got to go.
00:55:25
>> Yeah. Little Rock, AMERICA, >> SMALLVILLE. >> PEBBLETON. >> The Go back. Go back. The Little People
00:55:36
of America at the LPA National Conference is an annual weeklong event providing support, education, community
00:55:41
for people with dwarfism and their families. And >> that's a fun way of saying bon
00:55:45
>> last year >> because that's all it's for. >> Last year was in San Diego.
00:55:49
>> Yeah. Wow. >> I went to that one. >> So, um, are the tickets half off? So,
00:55:52
when you >> Stop it, dude. >> The only one is in Minneapolis. >> Minneapolis.
00:55:59
Yes. >> That's a good one. >> Very good. >> That's a really good one.
00:56:02
>> Very good. >> Yeah. So, so this year >> it it should not be in Ireland.
00:56:06
>> If it's in Ireland, we're going to trip some people the [ __ ] out.
00:56:09
>> Yeah, dude. >> Someone's going to walk out of a pub and go, "Holy shit."
00:56:12
>> This is like the It's like when the crickets fell from the sky, you know?
00:56:14
They It's happening. >> I [ __ ] sign of the apocalypse. >> So, click on that thing. The future
00:56:19
national. I want to see this. 2026, it's happening. It's July. >> Yep. July, it's in New Orleans. And then
00:56:25
2027, it's in New York. New York. >> Wow. >> Wait, why can't we go to this? Is it Is
00:56:30
it >> If we went, would it be weird or No. Yeah. Okay. I mean, we >> Yeah, we'd be showing off.
00:56:37
>> Yeah, we don't have security guards or anything. >> Oh, okay.
00:56:40
>> What if you guys need to grab something from up on a top shelf or something?
00:56:43
>> We need you guys. >> I mean, but but the people that are working there are not dwarves, are
00:56:48
there? Or no, >> I mean, yeah, it's all it's all everyone working there is dwarves as
00:56:53
well. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Yeah. So, like the >> Is the building smaller? No, it's it's a
00:56:58
regular hotel, which always trips me out cuz there's people staying in this hotel
00:57:02
that don't know there's a dwarf convention going on when they book it and they just show up like I've hit the
00:57:06
[ __ ] >> Some guy on a sales trip walks into the marquee, walks out of the bar, they're
00:57:11
in the lobby, he's like, "Fuck." >> I am. >> Could you Could you imagine if you did
00:57:16
drugs for like the first time and then you woke up the next day, you're surrounded,
00:57:20
>> you're surrounded by dwarves like >> tripping on mushrooms. >> I'd be like, "Holy [ __ ] I fell into
00:57:25
Narnia. So, how many people go to this convention? >> Over a thousand, >> right? So, that's like 300 regular
00:57:31
people. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> A thousand little people go every single year. And now, is this raising money for
00:57:37
anything at all? >> Yeah. >> So, it's a charity. >> LPA. >> It's a church.
00:57:40
>> What does that stand for? LPA. >> Little People of America. >> Oh, there is an organization.
00:57:44
>> Little People of America. >> LPS in America. >> Wow. Yeah. And now now this is actually,
00:57:53
let's be honest, >> this is similar to summer camps and all that stuff. This is just a hookup
00:57:57
convention for young single. >> Yeah. Yes. >> Yeah. You you you go all year and you're
00:58:03
and you're friend-zoned and then you go to a dwarf convention and you're hot as
00:58:07
[ __ ] >> That's pretty and it's awesome. Like >> now were you getting laid to these when
00:58:10
you were single? When you were going to these, >> bro? >> Wait, seriously.
00:58:13
>> With other dwarves? >> Bro, >> really? >> Really? >> I've got stories.
00:58:17
>> Give us a story. I've laid I've laid waste to some little women.
00:58:24
>> What was the >> So little women turn you on? >> Yeah. >> Oh, okay.
00:58:27
>> You're married to You're married to Well, >> what do you mean little women turn?
00:58:32
>> Yeah. Why is that funny? >> Because you acted surprised. >> No, I
00:58:35
>> No, he inquired. >> No, because I'll tell you why. Because I know some Asian dudes are are attracted
00:58:39
to white girls and not the same. >> Not It is the same. >> Traiers. >> No, it's not.
00:58:44
>> Yeah, >> they're traders, right? >> Yeah. I love >> He's married to a full-size Asian woman.
00:58:49
>> I understand that. I know her. >> He's a traitor. >> He's a traitor, though.
00:58:53
>> Yeah, he's not a traitor. >> That's That was >> You cut are a traitor.
00:58:56
>> Lot a lot of the dwarf women call me a trader. This is >> Do they really?
00:59:00
>> Yeah. >> That's insane. >> Yeah, this is very true. >> No. What do you mean? This is the same
00:59:03
as like >> black guys. >> What? >> Like black guys with white girls?
00:59:07
>> Yeah. >> What's up? >> Like black dudes when they're with white
00:59:12
girls that home >> and vice versa. Hey, >> who's the traitor there?
00:59:18
>> You going to leave him out there? >> Yeah, >> go ahead. Let him fly.
00:59:20
>> Oh, no. I don't need help on this cuz I know it's true. >> Okay.
00:59:23
>> Yeah. >> Oh, he Oh, he knows about >> black women complain that black men are
00:59:28
>> with white girls. >> Oh, right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, dude.
00:59:31
>> That's what he meant. >> I thought he meant he didn't like it.
00:59:35
>> OH, NO. >> I was like, are you good? >> Yeah. No, >> I didn't I didn't read that.
00:59:41
>> Yeah, but >> but you understand that was my boiled hamburger moment.
00:59:44
>> Yeah. Yeah. But also but also he doesn't like it. >> But he doesn't like it. No. Yeah. For
00:59:49
what it's worth. Yeah. >> Let's be honest. >> No. But but okay. How many
00:59:53
>> Mhm. >> And these are all You're all consenting adults. How many little people How many
00:59:59
little women love that movie. How many little women How many little women? >> We should remake it with little women.
01:00:04
>> Why do they not? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> How is that not >> How many little women in a weekend? It's
01:00:09
a weekend. >> Uh it's a week. >> It's a full week. >> Yeah, full week. What was the full
01:00:12
takedown number of a full week >> of my >> How many women did you sleep with?
01:00:16
>> Of my best year. >> Your best year. >> I mean, we we hit two hands.
01:00:21
>> No way. >> You're talking one or two a day. >> Yeah. >> Wow.
01:00:26
>> Wow. >> It was fun. >> Wow. I told you it's a [ __ ] carnival.
01:00:29
>> I was [ __ ] Matt Refe at that damn thing. It was great. >> Wow. >> You hooked up with Matt.
01:00:34
>> You're the Matt Refe of Little People. >> The Matt R of little people.
01:00:38
>> Yeah. Wow. >> He's doing ground crowd work. >> Yeah. No, I had a I had a very good time when
01:00:44
I was single. That's amazing. >> It was fun. >> But who do you find more attractive? Um
01:00:50
little people or >> uh and and this sounds >> non little people >> or non little people. Like what do you
01:00:55
>> or reachers? >> Or reachers? Yeah. Can we call them reachers? Yeah.
01:00:58
>> Wait, what's our what's our derogatory names? Reachers. What's the other one
01:01:01
you call us? >> Biggers. >> Biggers. Yeah. Bigger. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So
01:01:05
>> big. Big us. >> So who do you what do you find more attractive? I I say hard R.
01:01:09
>> Okay. You have to say big >> I can say bigers. Okay, got it. >> Don't like you bigger.
01:01:16
>> Yeah, >> bigers be crazy. >> So, do you prefer bigas or um or do you
01:01:20
prefer um little users? >> Little Right. >> Little Yeah. I'm just learning this.
01:01:30
>> It sounds crazy, but I truly don't have a preference. >> Oh, yeah. I truly don't.
01:01:34
>> Because he's been with both women. >> Yeah. It's great. I've just never had
01:01:37
the opportunity to date a a a little person. Come on, you're Asian. There's
01:01:41
plenty. >> To many women, to many women, you are the little person. >> Okay.
01:01:52
>> Yeah. Yeah. But you know what I mean, though. >> Yeah. Yeah. Have you had the
01:01:55
opportunity? Like, have never been hit on by a little person or Got to go to the convention, man.
01:02:00
>> Yeah. I mean, I've never I never have. That's kind of crazy. No, I've never
01:02:03
been hit on, but but because here's the thing. Every time I've ever seen like a
01:02:08
little woman, she's with a little man. >> Yeah. >> It's it's it's it's like I've seen many
01:02:13
little men in p little men. I've seen I don't know. >> Slow down. >> Yeah. Yeah.
01:02:20
>> I've seen many male dwarfs in public without women like by themselves or in a
01:02:25
group, >> but I've almost never seen a dwarf woman with a group of other dwarf women in
01:02:31
public out on the town. >> Why did there need to be more than one? Do you have a selection? What do you
01:02:35
call that group of M&M's? >> What do I call them? >> Yeah, it's like a murder of crows.
01:02:40
>> I like the green M&M's. I mean, >> what's a group of dwarves? Is it a Is it
01:02:44
a coaster of dwarves? >> I don't know. >> I don't know, dude. I've never seen
01:02:54
you. >> Look at those. A handful of them. >> I can see like 20 women coming out of a
01:02:59
Whimo, >> bro. There there was one time at a convention where uh there there was
01:03:07
there was a group there was a group action go going on and there was there was an orgy.
01:03:12
>> Yeah. >> Of little people have little people orgy. >> Yeah.
01:03:15
>> And there was about but that loos >> stop it Carlo. >> Stop it.
01:03:22
>> Stop it. Stop it. Stop We all slept in the same bed that night, but instead we
01:03:27
slept like sideways >> like sardines. >> We We We fit. >> You fit.
01:03:40
>> We fit. >> Yeah. Yeah. Wow. >> That's the best thing about that
01:03:43
convention. You guys can all share a room, huh? >> Yeah. >> Like puppies and stuff.
01:03:46
>> Yes. Like litter. You call it a litter. >> He told you it's called a handful.
01:03:52
Handful. >> Handful of one. >> Okay. >> And uh Yeah. Yeah. You throw a couple
01:03:56
pillows in the bathtub, you fit three more in there. >> Wow. Wow. >> You're good.
01:04:00
>> So, how many people fit on the bed? I want to do the math on this. >> So, and this is real.
01:04:06
>> What size bed is it? A king. >> Wait, wait, wait. >> Let him. It's a king hotel bed. He's
01:04:10
going to tell you what is actually real. Tell me. >> No jokes. >> No jokes.
01:04:13
>> No jokes. >> We always make sure there's either like six or eight of us.
01:04:19
>> Oh my god. There can't be seven of us. Why? >> The animals just start singing.
01:04:25
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> We do that on purpose. >> There's just like a sleeping white girl
01:04:31
in the back. >> We will literally look around be like, "Okay, there's six." If one guy comes
01:04:35
up, we're like, "You can't come in. >> You can't come in." Yeah.
01:04:38
>> Find another. >> Oh, that's really That's lore then. It's
01:04:40
a lore thing. >> We don't like it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you don't like it?
01:04:43
>> Yeah. We like We're There can There cannot be seven of us in a room.
01:04:46
>> Wow. That's so funny. But that's really nine's fine though.
01:04:50
>> No. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Any none but seven because Okay. >> totally cool
01:04:53
>> because of the movie. Yeah. >> Yeah. By the way, did did you guys see
01:04:57
the the results of the Rzzy Awards? >> No. No. >> Uh the CGI Dwarf Actors
01:05:04
>> Oh, that's right. You you won an award >> which I think is >> I think that's great.
01:05:09
>> [ __ ] fantastic. >> Yeah. >> That you know it was uh not actual
01:05:13
dwarves playing the dwarves. >> Yeah. >> Which I know you have a big gripe with.
01:05:16
>> Are you still mad at that? Yeah, of course. I'm still mad at that. Missed
01:05:18
out on a [ __ ] payday, dude. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> All All seven artificial dwarfs, all the
01:05:23
AI CGI dwarves got Yeah. >> Yeah. As as worst supporting actor. >> And Nicholas Cage was up there. Steven
01:05:29
Dorf, Greg Caner, and Sylvester Stallone. Wow. >> Who's Cage? Cage for what?
01:05:33
>> Gunslingers. >> Oh, I see. >> Yeah, we Yeah. >> He phones it in.
01:05:37
>> Seven seven CGI dwarves. >> Didn't used to >> won for worst supporting actor. And
01:05:43
according to this website, uh, they took home a joint Razie, stealing yet another
01:05:48
award that could have gone to a real life dwarf actor. >> Let me ask you something.
01:05:52
>> I could have won that Raz. >> Now, if they did use u dwarves in the
01:05:56
actual movie and you didn't get the part of the seven, would you be mad? >> Heartbreaking.
01:06:00
>> Oh, yeah. That would be heartbreaking. >> It's like being one of the funniest guys
01:06:03
on planet Earth and not getting it. >> Yeah, >> cuz Right. That would be heartbreaking.
01:06:08
>> It it it truly would be cuz it's like there there there's not that many of us.
01:06:12
Well, in the acting in the acting space. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Like how many in that?
01:06:16
>> I would argue there's too many of you in the non-acting space. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:20
>> Gota get you down to one profession. >> Probably 20, right? >> I mean, you see the same guys at every
01:06:26
audition, you know? Like, >> so it's like 50/50 getting it for you. >> Probably.
01:06:30
>> Yeah. If they used warp. >> Who Who's your like Frederick Douglas or
01:06:36
>> like is there a historical figure that you can go back to? Absolutely. >> Yeah. Yeah. Who is it?
01:06:40
>> Billy Barty. Billy. >> That's what I want to know. Look up Billy Barty here.
01:06:43
>> Billy Barty. Uh, he was an actor and he actually founded Little People of
01:06:47
America. He founded LPA. >> Wow. >> So we So all of those orgies happened
01:06:52
because of Billy. >> Yeah. Thank you, Billy Barty. >> That's your MLK.
01:06:56
>> Yeah. >> Okay. Wow. >> We we we should at least get a half day
01:07:00
off work. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. >> For for his birthday. >> I had a dream.
01:07:07
>> You're right. He does a speech. I mean, I'd make fun of you, but that's
01:07:12
kind of what he sounded like. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Billy Barty. >> Yeah. That So that Yeah. So that's our
01:07:17
guy. >> Wow. That's your guy. >> And how And how and how long ago did he
01:07:20
pass away? How long has he been dead? >> Uh I don't know. >> Let me see. 2000 he died.
01:07:24
>> 2000. >> Oh, so you never met him? >> Oh, no. I I I met him.
01:07:27
>> You've met Billy Bardy? >> Yeah, I've met him. >> Yeah, he was a great guy.
01:07:31
>> And did you get nervous when you met him? Like >> No, cuz I didn't really know who he was,
01:07:34
>> but then he didn't know his social impact >> at the time. You didn't? Yeah. And now
01:07:39
And now I know >> you blew off Billy Barty. >> Yeah. >> He was in Willow. Yeah.
01:07:46
>> Yeah. He was >> I remember him. Willow. Yeah. >> He was the sorcerer. That's like the
01:07:50
power to control the universe is in what finger. >> Was he R2-D2 or >> No, that was Kenny Baker. Kenny Baker.
01:07:55
>> I know way too much. >> Yeah. Yeah. No, that's good. You know
01:07:57
your history. I think that's important. >> I got to know my history. >> They g they gave us some history. Yeah.
01:08:04
So, >> it's more of a pamphlet, not really a whole book. So he died at what what does
01:08:08
it say? 76. Is that what he was? >> But historically but but historically who's your like you do you have a
01:08:15
Genghaskhan back then or Oh like oh like oh like a dwarf >> evil dwarf like an evil dwarf back then
01:08:21
like 200 3 400 years. >> I mean I think uh there was one dwarf serial killer.
01:08:27
>> Oh this is Dude uh I forget his name. >> Well look at this. There's there's a
01:08:32
couple here. There's uh Tom Thumb. The original Tom Thumb. Charles Stratton.
01:08:36
>> Yeah. And then there was um uh Count Joseph Burlowski, a 3-3 Polish born
01:08:43
entertainer, musician, author who was welcomed European course, later lived in England. The Oitz family, a Jewish
01:08:47
entertainer Romania. >> The o Okay. The Oitz family. I if if you gave me unlimited power in Hollywood, I
01:08:55
make that movie. >> The Oitz family. >> Yeah. Because why? Why? Why? Why? They
01:08:58
were a family of Jewish dwarves from Romania, but they were taken to Awitz and uh they were experimented on and
01:09:05
like they were did all and not all of them survived. Don't do it. Come on, do
01:09:09
it. >> Don't do it, Bobby. >> Don't even What do you It's a hat on
01:09:13
your hat. Don't do it. >> I really don't have a drug for it. >> Yeah, you don't do it. Do it. Do it to
01:09:17
my face. Don't do it. Look at me. Yeah. Yeah. >> Remember, I have a child.
01:09:21
>> Yeah. >> The little train. Stop it. >> You want these are going to put you guys
01:09:34
in the toaster oven. >> Easy bake. Easy bake. You guys are in dog cages. >> Ding.
01:09:43
>> Yeah. Yeah. You heard the ding of the easy bake. You're like, "Ding, dwarves
01:09:46
are done. >> Oh my god. Those are the worst jokes." >> The dwarves of Awitz.
01:09:51
>> Yep. >> Wow. That's so [ __ ] up. >> So [ __ ] That's the documentary that
01:09:55
>> dude now the food in terms of No. No. I want to ask you real though. >> Can I be real about it? Right. It's just
01:10:03
like you mean, right? You They weren't as hungry as >> I knew it. I knew it.
01:10:10
>> If they give you like less bread, they give you less. >> Thank you. Everyone a slice of bread.
01:10:15
We're sitting there like we're eating good. You just getting like a crouton.
01:10:20
>> We got to starve the dwarves. What? What do we do? Croutons. Croutons. Make him a
01:10:24
crouton. >> Crouton is a loaf of bread. >> What do you got? A [ __ ] loaf of
01:10:27
bread. >> Did you guys get the same amount of food? >> I don't know. I wasn't there.
01:10:33
>> Okay. All right. >> That old. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Seven dwarfs of Awitz. The fact there
01:10:37
were seven of them. >> The seven dwarfs of Awitz. That's the original story. That's right from
01:10:41
>> Oh, wow. That's >> That is crazy. >> Really? And I swear to God if you if you
01:10:47
CGI people >> seven dwarfs with That's a cool [ __ ] Wow. that they got to make that movie. I
01:10:53
really want a movie that you should produce. >> I want to produce it. I just don't have
01:10:56
them enough money right now. >> You know, you got to find the rights to it is what you got to do.
01:11:00
>> Yeah. Who has the IP of that? >> Who the hell is John the Dwarf? >> Yeah.
01:11:04
>> John the Dwarf. The desert father of early Christianity. >> Yeah. John the John the Dwarf.
01:11:10
>> Blame me. >> A Coptic Desert. Yeah. The Coptic Desert Father. Yeah.
01:11:13
>> All right. And then there was one dwarf I know who who was actually the one that
01:11:18
actually mapped like uh the inside of the human body. Like one of the first >> Well, cuz he could crawl in there.
01:11:24
>> Exactly. Get in there. >> There it is. Make one slice and I'm in there.
01:11:47
>> [ __ ] >> Through where? >> How do you know where the liver is? I've
01:11:52
been there. >> Cuz I have been there. I can tell the tale. >> We're so sorry, man.
01:11:57
>> Why? >> I feel bad. I feel I mean, that's not funny, dude. >> It's so [ __ ] up.
01:12:02
>> It's all right. >> I see him just crawling around, man. Just crawling around.
01:12:14
Andrew, Andrew, you'd see the lump in the chest like from Alien. >> In fact, that's what the motivation for
01:12:22
Alien was that burst out of the chest. >> East said that there are five ARTERIES
01:12:27
AROUND THE THERE ARE FIVE AROUND THE HEART. IT pops back in. >> THERE'S FIVE. THERE'S FOUR. THERE'S FOUR
01:12:32
CHAMBERS. God damn. >> Hold on. >> I'm going to find out how many stomachs
01:12:37
we have. I'll be right back. >> What does he think? He's been in there
01:12:39
for so long. >> Brad, come come in with a strong. >> Oh god. >> Brad, this is why we've been friends for
01:12:47
so long. >> So long. >> Cuz we have the most fun. >> We love you so much.
01:12:51
>> Damn, dude. >> Oh god. >> And Brad, by the way, >> Brad, by the way, for people that want
01:12:56
to know, >> not just a great guy, great comedian, has a special out right now. Please go
01:13:01
watch it. It's live. Listen to the title of this. You ready? >> Yeah. >> It's real. Tell them the name of the
01:13:06
title. live on Short Street. >> It was filmed on Short Street. The theater the theater he filmed it at sits
01:13:12
on Short Street. Lex in Lexon, Kentucky. >> And when does it come out, Brad? A
01:13:17
>> uh April 12th. >> April 12th. Check it out. >> April 12th on my YouTube channel. Go to
01:13:22
Brad Williams Comedy. You can you you can watch it. Some might argue it's a short film.
01:13:26
>> Okay. >> Amazing. >> Yeah, that dude. If that ever won, like
01:13:33
I should make that Seven Dwarfs of Seven Dwarfs of Awitz. But make it a short film.
01:13:38
>> Oh my god. >> Just so we can win best short film at the Oscars. That'd be so good.
01:13:44
>> That'd be so good. >> He's a little funny. No, he's very
01:13:46
funny. >> Go see the man live right now. >> Brad, look into the uh and and say thank
01:13:51
thank you for being a bad friend. >> Hey everybody, thank you for being a bad
01:13:55
friend. >> Wow. >> So good. Woo! Yeah! Woo!